#can't even call it hate anymore this is low effort

[laconic-nightmares]

I'm not a person you've ever spoken before lmao. you should stop targetting those people though.

anyways alters aren't people they're parts of one person. :)

never actually directly spoken to the person i thought you might have been either. the fact that you could send this message is pretty conclusive proof you aren't that person anyway, unless there's block evading happening *shrugs* a coward's a coward though. you want the freedom of trying to upset someone on purpose without any of the consequences. i suppose you could assume that's working, if you like. hate time zones though, my attention span doesn't really work for having 'conversations' one message a day

second, kinda feels like you're projecting a little. i've interacted with either of the people i've talked about directly exactly once before blocking both of them and haven't name dropped the second one full stop (the first only technically being 'name dropped' by the fact that i reblogged their post and therefore their url is at the top). outside of the possibility of that person following me from the notes of the one post i reblogged or them haunting the 'syscourse cw' tag there's no logical reason they would really even know i exist

i am, however, schizospec and regularly convinced that people are specifically targeting me with posts/anons/etc even when there's a low chance of them knowing i exist. it's called ✨magical thinking✨

i'm not even sure you could name either of the people i've been talking about with the information i've put here. it's pretty hard for me to tell how much other people know about things i'm doing or saying for the reason above

i can at least tell from the little smiley face you put there that the only reason you added the last part is because you thought you could get a rise out of me for it, though. you might believe it, you might not, but your intention in saying it was only to either piss me off or upset me. and it is far too early in the middle of the day for me to bother with it

anyway i'm turning anon's off for a hot minute - (to people who actually like being here, dw it'll come back on eventually). you can either put even a tiny sliver of accountability on yourself for the shit you're doing or you can shut up?

[wrioluvr]

coming out to + confessing to belobog men. ⋆⋅♡⋅⋆

note: wanted to try my hand at writing more cute stuff <3 also there are like ZERO posts in the luka x male reader tag my baby deserves more. happy pride my beloved readers!!! i wrote this like 6 months ago and coincidentally just picked it back up in time for june! i don't even play hsr anymore... crying emoji content: male reader, fluff. luka, sampo, gepard

sampo (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

would 100% know before you even told him

"hey, [name]! heard you got something to tell me, don't worry, your good pal sampo's all ears."

"sampo... uh.....i like... guys...."

"oh, is that it? i thought it was obvious..."

"HUH????"

"i meant- thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. your secret's safe with me, hehe." placing his hand over his heart in a dramatic gesture, he promises sincerely. despite his initial reaction, he really is touched. not many people trust him, so your willingness to share something so personal made him feel special.

"oh, and one more thing....."

"what is it? you got a secret boyfriend you didn't tell me about?" he asks teasingly, not expecting the bomb you're about to drop on him.

"...i like you."

his eyes go wide. "now that's a surprise."

even though he'd scam people without a second thought, some calling him cruel, he can't bring himself to be indifferent to you. here you were, pouring your heart out, with such a nervous expression on your face, how could he maintain his usual sly demeanour? in all seriousness, he knows he's a bit scummy, so he would be a bit hesitant about getting into a relationship for your sake. he's always running about, chased by the authorities, he doesn't want you to be involved into all that. but if you're willing to accept him and his slippery ways, he'll be sure to put an equal amount of effort. he hates owing favours, after all.

"oh, how could i refuse such a an enticing offer? of course i'll be your boyfriend, [name]." he can't help the grin that appears on his face at your expression, simultaneously shocked and overjoyed. "seriously, you're too precious.... c'mon, let's go on a date!" throwing an arm around you, he squeezes your shoulder excitedly.

"wha- like right now?? and you accepted my confession just like that???" you're at loss of words as he drags you along to who knows where.

"what are you waiting for? let's go, pal! wait- should i call you pal now that we're dating? how about buddy? hmm... still too friendly. how do you feel about sweetheart?"

જ⁀➴

every time he appears at your door, giving you a sheepish grin as he explains how he needs to lay low for a bit, it always comes with a kiss, or several, along with a heart-shaped box of your favourite chocolates. he might go missing for a few days at a time on "business" (probably some illegal trading), but he always makes sure to update you on his whereabouts so you don't worry, sending a bunch of heart pom-pom stickers to let you know he misses you. if anyone were to ever make some snide comments about your sexuality, his first instinct would be to drop every job he's doing and comfort you, followed by using his various contacts to deal with that person swiftly. natasha and seele can't believe he actually got someone to like him, much less get into a serious relationship, but nevertheless, they make sure to look out for you to ensure he doesn't break your heart. he vows not to ever hurt you though, it's the last thing he'd ever want. his promises are often fickle with his clients, but with you, they're always sincere.

luka (૭ ｡•̀ ᵕ •́｡ )૭

would definitely being overenthusiastic about being an ally

"[name], hey! you wanted to tell me something? i hope it's about training with me...."

"sorry, luka, it's not about that.... i.... i just wanted to let you know that i'm gay."

"oh! like seele and bronya!"

"i mean- i guess....?" your nervousness was immediately replaced by a comical surprise at his response, you had to suppress your laughter. he was so genuine, it was endearing.

"don't worry! if any thugs give you shit for it, just tell me. i'll deal with them right away... i've been itching for a fight anyway." he immediately gets into a fighting stance, throwing a few punches in the air to get his point across. he ended his little show with a wink, causing your stomach to fill with butterflies. you decided to tell him then and there.

"and uh, luka. i like you."

"aw, thanks! i like you too. you're a great friend, [name]."

"like, in the romantic way..."

"that works too! that way, i can protect you easier." without missing a beat, he flashes you a grin and a thumbs up, seemingly unfazed by your sudden confession. but the slight dust of red on his cheeks let you know your words did have an effect.

"wait... you know this means we'll be boyfriends?" your head's reeling at how easily he accepted your feelings. did this man really not think about anything but training and beating up thugs??? not that you were complaining, his drive was one of his charming points, but still.

"yeah, i don't mind. with someone like you by my side, i'm sure i could take on any enemy. thank you for giving me this opportunity."

જ⁀➴

even though he puts on a strong front, secretly, he's deathly afraid of becoming a burden, especially to you. one of his favourite pastimes is training and working out with you, or he'd be content for you to just watch him train and cheer for him as well. as long as he has the reassurance that you know he's getting stronger, allowing him to shield you from the dangers of the underworld. if he ever gets injured, a simple persuasion won't work, you'll have to physically hold him in place so that you can treat his cuts and bruises - no matter how much he protests and insists he's fine, he does appreciate it. a lot. he enjoys the little things, the way you run your fingers along the cool metal of his arm as you ramble about your day, or the enthusiastic whoop you give every time he knocks an opponent out at the fight club, or the scent of the freshly cleaned towel you bring him to dry his sweat. you help him realise that there's time to relax, his self-imposed training schedule being so intense and demanding. getting him to not be so hard on himself would be a treat. if you ever get derogatory comments about your sexuality... trust, he'll personally teach them a lesson, and ask natasha not to treat them once he's done. after all, you give him another reason to continue training to be the strongest. he has to be there for you.

gepard ( •̀ - •́ )

dense cutie... wouldn't get your hints until you told him explicitly

"my apologies for being late, [name]... you had something you wanted to tell me?"

"no problem, gepard... i just wanted to tell you that-" taking a deep breath, you prepare youself for his reaction. "-i like guys."

"oh? me too, i'm quite fond of the guards under my care."

"i mean that i'm gay..."

"oh, that's what you meant. are you telling me this because you've faced some form of discrimination lately? don't worry, belobog has strict laws in place to prevent-"

"no, gepard- i'm telling this because i like you..."

"oh."

જ⁀➴

congratulations, you've courted the sweetest man in all of belobog! initially, he was slightly worried that your newfound relationship would interfere with his duties as protector of the people, but much to his surprise, making time for you is easy. or more so, it's because you always make the effort to stop by whenever he's out patrolling, so you end up spending a lot of time together anyway. his face might get red when you blow him a kiss behind the rest of the silvermane guards' backs, but he always makes sure to let you know how much he appreciates your guidance. he's a little self-conscious about his lack of romantic experience, so be gentle with him! don't tease him too much. while he is fully devoted to his duty, he's not above slipping away for a few minutes when you text him to meet in a back alley, to gift him some flowers you may or may not have stolen from belobog's florist. the next day, he would return the favour by holding out a bunch of your favourite flowers, home grown (an attempt was made) in his very own garden. hey, even if they're slightly wilted, it's the thought that counts, right? don't look at him with that affectionate gaze! he's embarrassed. it would be quite funny if you had criminal tendencies, gepard would be absolutely torn between lecturing you and turning a blind eye simply because his lovely boyfriend had made lunch for him earlier in the day. especially if you're friends with sampo, the little shit would threaten to snitch to you everytime gepard almost catches him. or.... perhaps.... he let you off the hook because of that one time you pinned him against some alley wall (when he was supposed to be patrolling! blasphemous.) and kissed him so hard his legs gave out. you've become one of his weaknesses, but he doesn't mind it. at all.

pic credits to dailysampo, dailygepard and dailylukaa on twt!

[baelabong]

ʜᴏᴡ ʟᴏɴɢ

(ʏᴜɴᴊɪɴ x ꜰᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ) ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ

plot: yunjins been cheating. but she didn’t mean it … right?

notes: toxic yunjin, dumbass y/n again, istg guys the only things that gain attention iz my karina and winter fics 💔💔

you sit on the couch, your phone clutched in your hand, staring at the screen, waiting for yunjin's name to pop up. it doesn’t. hours pass, and the ticking of the clock feels like a taunt. where is she? you tell yourself it’s nothing—she’s probably stuck at practice or maybe went out with the girls, but that nagging feeling in your chest grows heavier. it’s been too long.

finally, you hear the door creak open. she stumbles in, not her usual put-together self. she looks messy, worn-out. the smell of alcohol hits you before she even speaks. when she does, her voice is low, slurred.

"hey, baby," she tries to smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. her gaze is distant, foggy, like she's not really here with you.

"where have you been?" you ask, trying to sound casual, but the hours of waiting twist your voice with anxiety. you hate sounding paranoid, but you can't help it anymore.

"just out with the girls. practice ran late… then drinks," she mumbles, her words stumbling out, as if she’s trying to get past them quickly.

you get up, moving closer, searching her face for something, anything, that makes sense. but her eyes—they’re empty, evasive. "why didn’t you answer my calls?"

"didn’t hear it," she shrugs, still avoiding your gaze. "too loud, i guess."

it's weak. her excuses always are. and it's not just the excuse, it's the way she says it—like she doesn’t care enough to make it believable. your stomach twists, a cold knot forming. there’s more to this, you can feel it.

"yunjin, what’s going on?" you ask, your voice wavering despite your effort to stay calm. you’ve been through this too many times to ignore the signs.

she sighs, running a hand through her hair. for a second, her tough front slips, and she looks at you, really looks at you. "i... i messed up."

your heart stops. "what do you mean?"

"i was drunk, and... i kissed someone else."

her words are like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath out of you. you take a step back, needing space to think, but your mind is spinning. "you kissed someone?"

"it didn’t mean anything," she rushes, stepping toward you, but you back away again. "it was just a stupid, drunken mistake. i swear, it only happened once."

the room feels too small now, the walls closing in. you trusted her. after everything, you trusted her, and she... "how long has this been going on?"

"what? no, i told you, it was just once—"

"how long, yunjin?" your voice is louder now, anger bubbling up. you don't want to be the fool who believed her lies for too long.

she hesitates, her eyes darting away for a moment before coming back to you. "just once," she insists, but the doubt in her eyes says otherwise. "i was drunk. it meant nothing."

you want to believe her. god, you want to believe her so badly. but the way she's been acting lately—distant, secretive—there’s more to this.

"i deserve the truth," you say, your voice shaky but firm. you’re done playing this game.

she steps closer, softening her expression like she’s trying to lure you back in. "baby, you’re overthinking this," she coos, her voice sickly sweet, the kind that used to comfort you but now just makes you feel uneasy. "it was a mistake. everyone makes mistakes."

"but you didn’t tell me," you push back, feeling a flicker of anger spark in your chest. "you hid it from me."

"because i knew you’d overreact," she snaps, her patience thinning. "you always do this. you always assume the worst."

her words sting, making you question yourself. am i overreacting? was it just a one-time mistake? you’ve been second-guessing yourself so much lately, it’s hard to tell anymore.

yunjin’s close now, her eyes locked on yours, her voice dropping lower, more intimate. "you know i love you, right?"

"yeah, but—"

she cuts you off, cupping your face in her hands. "i love you," she whispers, her thumb brushing over your cheek, her touch soft but with an underlying tension. "you’re the one i come home to. don’t let something this small ruin us."

her words start to blur the lines in your mind. maybe it’s not as big of a deal as it feels. maybe you are overthinking. she’s here, isn’t she? but then, the memory of all those nights alone, waiting, wondering—those doubts flare up again.

"yunjin, i can’t just forget this," you murmur, feeling the weight of it all pressing down on you. "you hurt me."

for a moment, her eyes harden, just for a second, before she puts on a sad, almost pitying smile. "i know, and i’m sorry," she says, but her voice feels insincere, dripping with mockery. "but you need to stop being so paranoid. it was one kiss. do you really think i’d throw everything away for that?"

your mouth opens to respond, but she silences you, pressing a finger to your lips. "shh, don’t ruin this," she whispers, stepping even closer, her body pressing against yours. "we’re good together. you know that."

her other hand trails down your arm, sending shivers through your skin. you should push her away. you should be angry, but instead, her closeness overwhelms you, clouding your thoughts.

"just let it go," she murmurs before pulling you into a kiss, one that’s not soft or reassuring. it’s possessive, controlling, like she’s forcing you to forget everything else.

and somehow, it works. the fight drains out of you as her lips move against yours, your mind going blank. you forget the pain, the doubt, the questions. it’s just her now, her hands on you, her breath mixing with yours, until all you can feel is her.

when she pulls back, you're breathless, but not from the argument—from the way she’s made everything else disappear.

"see?" she whispers, her lips brushing your ear. "it’s just you and me, baby. nothing else matters."

you nod, your mind too hazy to argue anymore. "just us."

[toskarin]

what warband mods would you rec? I only ever played vanilla warband years ago and that was probably on fairly low AI settings, but I'm definitely intrigued by getting the full feudal clusterfuck experience as well as indulging in some nostalgia.

there's a few qualifications to these, because I usually like them for different reasons and I have something wrong with me, but...

< ! PREEMPTIVE WARNING ! > you should be running modules in Warband Script Extender even if they don't say they need it! people have historically been really bad about clarifying when it's expected

Bannerpage - vanilla for people who want More of it, and then more after that. it reminds me of a spiritual successor to Floris Modpack. an enormous expansion that's also a bit of a tongue in cheek what-if for "Bannerlord, except as continued development of Warband" with increasing complexity. this one will probably spoil you a bit on other modules just because of how many little enhancements it pulls on the native systems lol

Prophesy of Pendor - the premier feudal fantasy rpg experience. this one is brutally difficult and throws some battles at you with genuinely bewildering enemy force sizes. I'd feel fairly confident in calling this the most difficult of the major total conversion modules that maintain core M&B gameplay

Touhou Gensokyo Warfare~the Castiron Flame - this is straight up glorious kusoge and I love it dearly. it often breaks so severely due to its own design decisions that it creates a unique high-skill gameplay expectation that exists in literally no other mods, but also it can't really be called "core" M&B gameplay anymore. this module actually consists of three chinese mods (Touhou Tinder, Touhou Origin, and Touhou Beat), one of which is derived from a fork that was extended by /jp/, another which was just translated by /jp/ (a shoddy translation but not distinctly a 4chan translation, if that's a concern), all of which were merged into one mod and managed by a passionate and cool chinese mod team. none of this comes to a consistent artistic vision. every single character looks like kigurumi cosplay and they all look like they're from different manufacturers. this is my favourite module. I could play it for years.

Perisno - a strange bird of a module that I don't see mentioned much anymore. a shame, honestly, because it's quite fun if you like higher fantasy settings. a bit overconfident with its own setting lore at times, but that really just makes it more authentic as a high fantasy setting, doesn't it? anyway they funnelled the mod development efforts away to a standalone game in the setting because of that, and I wish them well, but you know how it goes with that sort of thing

Gekokujo Daimyo Edition - a modification of an older warband module that was originally a touhou hijack that was originally a mod for the non-Warband game made by japanese players annoyed that nobody in the western playerbase was making mods with a japanese setting. it's buggy, it's incomplete, it will explode at you randomly, but it's still pretty neat. there's really no other mod out there that gives you such a thorough "I HATE THE TANEGASHIMA I HATE THE TANEGASHIMA" experience. Sengoku Era, a successor mod, will probably replace it on recommendation lists when it eventually releases.

Warsword Conquest - this is the Warhammer Fantasy mod. it has all the problems you'd expect from that. that being said, the sheer level of detail in this mod makes it more than worth dropping in to check it out. some of the environments are gorgeous enough to make Warband feel like an entirely different game, and with a surprising variety of firearms, the average campaign ends up being a pretty wild ride

Brytenwalda - I'm not recommending Brytenwalda as an experience, because it's actually not that good a very interesting moment in M&B modding history. Brytenwalda is the birthplace of a lot of mod tropes that became standard in mods going forward, namely most culture-related systems and the modern standard for module graphics. it also introduced tripping and represents the moment people started making really annoying attempts at jury-rigging balance into the game before Warband Script Extender came around and actually allowed them to modify the lower systems of the game. still kinda neat if you like historical settings, and definitely foundational enough to warrant a look

Last Days of the Third Age - infamously hard-headed in a way that only a mod for a feudal warfare simulator rpg made by Tolkien nerds who insist on book>movie aesthetics could pull off, this isn't really core M&B gameplay and is very rigid, but it's another case of something being so detailed and passionate that it's a fun experience anyway.

Solid and Shade - this is actually the best hardcore survival horror experience made for Warband, which is a bit like saying that Harvester is the best FMV game ever made about waking up in a town named Harvest. the Harvester comparison is more than surface level. the writing often feels like Harvester. this is one of the only modules (hell, one of the only games even!) I've ever seen that successfully pulls off the concept of corrupting players with the promise of immortality. it's a horror mystery where every single character creation option affects your longterm gameplay... but to provide a fair warning, reading the developer's commentary on this mod will sour you on it. the developer is an edgelord who just kinda kitchen-sinked horror elements in a way that reminds me a lot of Revolution of Terror (the old Well of Souls mod). the compelling esoterica and atmosphere seem to have been achieved largely on accident

[ox1-lovesick]

hi love I HAVE A RQQQ- TXT OR ENHA WITH A SICK S/O PLEASE!! i have a killer cold and the worst dizzy spells ever nd i would love some comfort 😞😞 thank u sm

★ ✯ ☆ TXT WITH A SICK!S/O

★ pairing. txt x gn!reader genre. fluff, comfort warnings. mentions of food wc. 100-300 each

✯ synopsis. txt with a sick s/o!!

☆ a/n. firstly i am so sorry this took 4 months 💀 writers block is the bane of my existence. i do hope this manages to bring you some comfort though :( please do take care of yourself and get well soon! (even though you are most likely not sick anymore 😭) also how ironic is it that i'm currently sick... :')

YEONJUN | 연준

by your side 100% of the time you cannot get rid of him.

he's over your bed when you wake up in the morning, waiting outside the bathroom door for you, laying right next to while you're sleeping. everywhere you are, so is yeonjun

will bend over backwards to get you anything you need

water? medicine? soup? more blankets? less blankets? he's on it before you can even ask

cooks for you !!! tries to make your food as interesting as possible so you won't get bored, without adding things that will make you feel worse or aren't good for you

you're bedridden. don't even try to fight him

he won't let you lift a finger, he wants you to get as much rest as possible so you can get better as quickly as possible

infact don't even speak, he'll learn morse code so you can just beep him whenever you need

if his schedule allows he'll stay home with you and be by your side every second of the day, if not he's texting you every free moment he has to make sure you're okay

would definitely call in sick if you were feeling particularly tired and need his care that day

has multiple reminders to make sure you're taking your medicine on time, will scold you if you're even a second late

he'll never tell you but he secretly enjoys you being sick . . .

he love love loves to take care of you, especially when you call on him to do things for you it makes him all giddy knowing you need him (he's not a creep i swear)

he's ontop of you so much he probably catches whatever you have

atleast you're sick together

SOOBIN | 수빈

hates to see you sick

1. because it's gross 2. because he hates seeing you in pain but mainly because it's gross

you're not staying in his bed i'm sorry he's gonna come over to your house to take care of you during the day and go home to his snot free blankets at night

gets your medicine mixed up all the time and complains it's the doctor's fault for prescribing ones that look so similar

low-key takes advantage of this situation so he can skip work and spend some quality time with you LMAOOO

"sorry guys yn's still dying i can't come to work today"

at first it's fun because you just have your average head cold so he doesn't worry too much

but then it starts getting worse and he comes home to you falling over yourself in the kitchen because of your dizzy spells and nearly has a stroke

panik

he starts stressing like a mad man after that

probably gets himself sick just with how stressed out he is it's a problem

definitely calls his mom for help he doesn't know what to do

updates her on every little thing you do

"mom they just took a really deep breath does that mean something"

buys the entire pharmacy

wants to kick himself for not taking it seriously when you first got sick he feels so guilty 😭

although you did enjoy his company and the endless marvel marathons so all is well

will not leave you alone. you have to shit with the door open.

will do everything for you even if you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself

from brushing your hair to fluffing your pillows he's gonna do it all

he'll even clean for you, that's his ultimate declaration of love

in the end he didn't really do much to nurse you back to health but A for effort

BEOMGYU | 범규

i know practically everyone in moaville would say he'd tease the shit out of you but in my head he'd be the most worried for you

googles every single one of your symptoms and then cries himself to sleep because myonlineclinic.com told him you have cholera and 6 days to live

the only reason he'd tease you is to mask his worry

he'd watch you go through 60 boxes of tissues and be like "omg my snotty baby" but on the inside he's freaking out 😭

your pain is his pain, the way you feel affects him and his mood drastically

he's irritable when you are, he's tired when you are, your appetites probably sync too

puts a curse on whoever spread their nasty germs to you with ginger roots and vinegar

i think he'd also be the most sympathetic since he gets sick a lot more often than the others

so gentle and understanding compared to his usual self it's a little scary 😭

surprisingly good at negotiation like you're being stubborn because you don't want to take your medicine and he's like "if you drink the cough syrup i'll let you listen to the demos for our next comeback" and before you know it you've sold your childhood home to him for 3/4 of the initial price

will whip out his guitar and sing for you in a heartbeat if you ask him too

obviously tries to crack jokes and make you smile so you don't feel too miserable, he feels so accomplished even if you just scoff at him 🙁

gets back to his usual annoying self once you're better though

TAEHYUN | 태현

ironically, he doesn't know what to do

he rarely gets sick and when he does it passes in a day or two, so when you've been coughing like you have bronchitis for the past week he feels so lost

his first instinct is to take you to the doctor to figure out what's wrong but gets into a fight with doctor for charging him 19382928 won just to press his hand to your forehead and tell him you have a head cold (terry is against this capitalist society)

also buys the entire pharmacy

changes your entire lifestyle to the maximum efficiency so you get better as quickly as possible and makes sure you stick to it

strict like a prison warden, sometimes you wonder if he actually loves you

which he obviously does, but it's hard to believe so when he avoids any unnecessary contact with you as if you have the plague

takes you outside every once in a while to get some fresh air, he feels stuffy just watching you sit around

it also keeps you active 💪

he's always pestering you to wash your hands

will not let you touch him otherwise

makes sure he keeps your space clean, always has tissues and anything else you might need within your reach

at your aid 24/7

you take up a colossal space in his heart he's so soft for you

flying to your side before you even say anything

you don't even have to tbh he can read your mind

"how'd you know i wanted water?" "you looked thirsty"

if he notices you're feeling extra miserable he'll sing for you to cheer you up

swallows his pride because he's down bad and pulls out his best southern accent when you ask him to sing country music

he will be teased for the next millenia but it was worth it for you

he's like an overbearing mother but you get better the fastest when he's taking care of you

HUENINGKAI | 휴닝카이

another mama's boy

probably calls his sisters too

hiyyih would tell him to soak your pills in vegetable oil as a joke but he'll actually do it because he's just that hopeless

he's unable to think straight he just wants to do everything in his power to make you feel better 😭

although he gets the hang of it pretty quickly, he's a fast learner and genuinely enjoys taking care of you

always praising you !!

"wow yn!! i can't believe you ate all your soup!!! you're so cool!!!"

tries to distract you by showing you his entire collection of pokemon cards

probably lies and tells you they're all super rare and he's the only one in the world who has them

does his best not to cause you any stress, he just wants you to focus on resting

the things this man does because he loves you istg

he cleans the entire dorm because it's a breeding ground for bacteria and he doesn't want anything making you more sick

the guys come home to the house spotless they're just like 🤯🤯🤯🤯

taehyun asks you to get sick more often if it means he doesn't have to fight his way through the ironing board and bike to get to the sink

he even lets you play on his DS he's down bad

side rant: i feel like kai is secretly a neat freak, he abhors the sight of filth but is just too lazy to do anything about it so he forces himself to deal with it 💀

anyway he's such a sweetheart :( does his best to keep the mood up even if you're feeling miserable because your nose is so filled with so much snot that you can't breathe

his positive energy definitely rubs off on you!!!

he actually does a good job taking care of you, he's a bit stressed at first but you're back to good health in no time !!!

© OX1-LOVESICK ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work without my explicit permission.

[syn4k]

🌿

unfortunately the only way to solve not wanting to create things is to not create things until you want to create things again.

"but Six!" i hear you protest over the angry yells of all my followers. "that can't be true! i hate that!"

i hate it too. But listen up you self loathing chucklefucks this is IMPORTANT.

if your brain and body is telling you that you are tired and that you need to take a break, fucking listen to them. Do not ignore them and continue making things anyways.

I do not give a fuck about your making one thing per day streak. I do not give a fuck about your follower count or engagement or statistics or whatever the fuck. I do not fucking care how stubborn you are. This rule is set in the laws of the universe itself just like the laws of physics are.

If you do not schedule time for yourself to recharge, your body will automatically do it for you and it WILL NOT ASK POLITELY.

that's what burnout and writer's block IS! you cant make shit if you're too fucking tired and depressed and busy trying to function as a person and don't have any energy left over for creative work! creating things takes ENERGY and EFFORT even the most self loathing low quality shitpost stick figure youve ever doodled on the back of an napkin. That takes effort too. This is your body realizing that you're going past your own limits despite everything and forcibly shutting you down so that you physically fucking cannot anymore for your own health.

Full stop.

If you take the time that you need to rest and regain energy and use it instead to continue doing things that require energy, your body will force you to allocate that time to rest at some point eventually.

So yeah. Sleep in hard over the weekends. Do nothing. Be unproductive. Fuck capitalism and FUCK the Protestant work ethic. I am being so fucking serious right now. This isn't just me repeating what I've heard, this is me sharing things that I've had to learn the hard way over the span of literal fucking years because my dumb ass kept ignoring it too.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, politely turn down outings with friends and family if you're too tired.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, take a day off from school or work if you wake up and know in your bones that you are too tired. (Make sure to let your teachers know beforehand. They'll understand. Skipping a day of work is a whole nother can of radioactive horses that I don't want to open right now but others here may have advice. Check the notes.)

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, do nothing.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, be "lazy" (if you're not enjoying the forced time off, you're not being lazy).

If you can only do the bare minimum to take care of yourself (i.e making low-effort meals, only using the bathroom twice a day, etc) then that's okay too. The more you rest, the more energy you'll slowly build up to do more things like going to the grocery store so that you don't starve and getting those assignments done and taking an extra two minutes to make yourself a glass of something warm in the mornings so that you don't want to die quite as much. Also, when you can, ask your friends for a script and call your doctor about prescribing you depression medication because I love you and this is not normal and you deserve better.

Living life is not supposed to make you want to die, and surviving is not the same as living.

your body has a built in hierarchy of needs and at the top of the list is creating things, which you can only do once you're at a certain level of energy and wellness. if something's wrong, your drive to create will be the first to go.

it's scary, but you'll be okay

be gentle and kind to yourself. imagine that your brain and body is a horse: kicking it when it's down and yelling at it to move won't help. you have to meet it where it's at and feed it and comfort it until it's ready to move on again. you can't write trail songs if you've got no path to roam

this quickly spiraled out of my hands but i am very passionate about this subject and also i love u. good luck.

[that-sarcastic-optimist]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Doing this for the first time ever and here we go--

So, a few days ago I say people doing something called wip wednesdays, and that looked fun, so here's mine--

It's a one-shot for my drabble series, and not edited AT ALL, so have your pinches of salt ready.

Is it really fair to have one’s life reduced to seventeen years?

It’s kind of ironic, isn't it, Caroline asks herself, to live, die, live again, and then promptly die once again promptly in the same year?

She’s sixteen, she’s seventeen, and then she’s seventeen forever.

Well, not anymore. She’s dying.

She’s almost dead.

Caroline’s favourite grandmother, her mom’s mother, had early onset Alzheimer’s since she was forty-nine. Caroline remembers visiting her at the old age home, watching her beloved grandmother pinch her cheeks and ask her mother what she and her lovely daughter were doing at a place like this.

She remembers the lucidity. A few precious moments every few months, when her grandmother would remember who she was and Caroline and her mother rushed to the home to spend those few minutes with her, celebrating the fact that she recalled them.

It always felt fake, to Caroline. Something unreal. Another effect of the disease slowly eating away at her grandmother.

Similar to the disease that’s eating away at her. She’s been hallucinating since an hour, plagued by memories, mostly of her grandmother and her parents. The period right now, the one where she’s just lying on her bed, waiting for her hallucinations and the poison from the werewolf bite to just take over her, wating to succumb to the pain because she just can't—

She can't—

That’s her lucidity.

Calling her mom is hopeless. She loves her so much, so blindly, that her mother’s spent the last hour just searching for a cure to werewolf venom, when in fact, there isn't one.

Well, not one that’s going to be given to her anytime soon, anyway.

So Caroline waits. Waits for the poison coursing through her veins to kill her without even trying. Because what's even the damn point, when she can't even have her stupid birthday in peace without dying, again.

And the hallucinations must be reaching a point where she’s nearly dead, because they’re getting more and more vivid, because there’s no way Klaus Mikaelson would be in her room.

She cracks open her eyes.

Oh.

There he is.

He’s standing at her door, looking at her as if she’s—

He doesn’t care. Whatever’s on his face, he just doesn’t care. Live or die, Caroline Forbes, Klaus Mikaelson couldn’t give a flying fuck about you. You're just a pawn in his game, something to be sacrificed. She’s a test subject to make sure the sire bond worked.

She’s nothing. And he agrees.

So she says, “Are you going to kill me?”

She hates that her possible last words sound so resigned. So weak, so pathetic, when she promised herself that at least her death would be prouder than how her life had been.

Caroline Forbes, born 1992, died 2009. She didn’t do anything worth living in those measly seventeen years that she got. Go on, Klaus, rip her head off. It isn't like she can do anything to stop you anyway.

Klaus’s eyebrows pull back, his lips parting slightly, as if he’s actually surprised. “On your birthday?”

It doesn’t shock her that he knows today’s her birthday. He could have known her social security number and she wouldn’t have been surprised. She makes no effort to show him any emotion when he continues, “Do you really think that low of me?”

She could have laughed if it weren't so pathetic. Was he kidding her? She was dying because of him and he had the audacity to ask her if she thought he was a lowlife? There had to be some amount of shame in the man, right?

Clearly not.

“Yes,” she rasps out, not bothering to keep the contempt out of her voice.

[leprosycock]

checking my notes. looking over what i have for this stream, stacking them together, nodding in my big news anchor suit and gigantic shoulder pads. sea said this was juiced pt. 2, similar to how i equated house flipper to the replacement stream. and i totally agree!!

every piece of jrma and Iudwig's relationship is told through smoke and mirrors, productions, lights, cameras, and costumes, both in front of and behind a screen. and we get to see little pieces of them in between them playing their roles, or at least what they imagine their roles to be. they definitely both seem to lose the plot at some point when they get too entangled in what the other must be thinking and how they, themselves, are perceived. or they just get too entangled in the presence of each other. and they're not voyeuristic about it either, they just don't/can't care who sees because they are each other's stage. they both create the rooms the other performs in.

feels really good to simultaneously return to a dynamic that we've been familiar with over the past year or so and see new glimpses of things that have changed. jrma is comfortable with Iudwig to the point where he can poke and prod at him, tell him to go fuck himself, tell him he sucks, he hates him, because jrma isn't so fucking terrified of him anymore. he doesn't need to shower lud with endless praise because they already both know how deeply jrma cares. they banter right from the beginning, even when the audience isn't quite supposed to be aware of who or what 985bot is, because they can't physically stop playing and batting kitten paws at each other.

even when they're supposed to be playing up that 985bot is, in fact, a computer and not a real guy, jeremy is not in there, lud can't help himself. and i think that thrill of false anonymity really excites him. "hold you down and kiss you", "how's that taste, fucker?", "i love this guy! i fucking love this guy!", acting out and flirting and calling him 'baby', just because he knows that he can. the entirety of this stream is them sticking their tongues out at each other and teasing each other like crazy just to see who'll crack first, if either of them will.

they actually both just crack when they see each other face to face again, when lud is drunk and jrma is so unbelievably, egotistically delighted to be seen on screen again ("i love chat" yeah i bet you do, freak), but also by lud. the little head pat that jrma gives lud, gentle and birdlike, very careful touches that barely last a second because he is dying to touch him and lud is dying to be touched. his voice gets sweeter and softer and kinder and he beams like he's in heaven when jrma puts the medal over his head. despite lud's penchant for 4d chess, he can't keep playing every single second of his life. he's just so happy to be adored. jrma is happy to adore.

the last time they were both this happy together on screen was almost a year ago, during the chessboxing stream, when they were one whole and united unit. lud didn't have to compete for jrma's attention this time and jrma didn't have to spend the whole stream worrying that lud didn't care about him. this stream was very clearly a big collaborative creative effort between the two of them, given jrma's theatrics and weird twist ending and the exact kind of fast-paced, low-stakes, casual, friendly tournament gaming that lud loves to organize and play, so we can only assume that offbrand is doing well. they seem to be closer than ever and it's heartwarming and it's thrilling and i couldn't be happier. i love my boys!!!! more than anything, i love my boys. i love my boys so much and so passionately and so tenderly and i'm so glad we've gotten them back. we are back in a big and enormous and fulfilling way

[inklessletter]

Can we please talk for a second about Steve's trauma? It's heartbreaking that in the show he only mentions that losing Nance was what made him "crawl forward", when he's been through SO MUCH.

We don't know much about his upbringing, but we do know that in s01 his only two friends were Tommy an Carol, and he spends the whole season cleaning up their messes and trying to be the better version of himself, and no matter what he does after that, he is still reminded by absolutely everyone season after season how much of an asshole he was in highschool... And he never even argues that. He never defends himself, he never even try to justify his actions, although he had a pretty strong reason to snap at Jonathan after he found out about the naked Nancy pictures, for example. He goes along with whatever shitty opinion his friends have about him, and they have no problem whatsoever expressing them. Robin's way of expressing her affection is calling him dingus, Dustin keeps treating him like an idiot, Nancy had the nerve to be annoyed when he dared to be hurt the morning after the awful break up. And it makes sense that he internalised that, that his emotions and his trauma are worthless. That way of belittling him constantly by his loved ones must be... dehumanizing.

And that's not even the worst part. A girl died in his backyard and he's not allowed to be affected by that, because that's Nancy's trauma, not his. He gets brutally beaten to the pulp by Billy to protect Lucas and Max, uses himself as a fucking human bait with the demodogs, gets tortured by evil Russians and nobody (not even himself) ever mentions that again. Like, ever. All of this happens and nobody even says thank you to Steve. Nobody has a heartfelt conversation with him after. Nobody even acknowledge what he does for them in a regular basis, like driving his best friend to a school he doesn't attend to anymore, or showing for Lucas' basketball game, or risking his job by letting the kids sneak in the cinema. No, he keeps getting rewarded with shady comments and low-key insults.

Honestly? The closest to a rendition to Steve comes from Eddie in the Upside Down woods, and they're not even really friends at the moment. And it's odd, right? It must be odd hearing nice things from someone that he doesn't really know, someone he's jealous of because he's afraid that his fifteen-year-old friend is going to replace him with Eddie. Eddie, who is pulling the most vulnerable, soft expression on Steve's face that we get to see in the whole show by telling him that he's unambiguously loved. It just makes sense that he simply doesn't believe it.

So, yeah. I don't really think that Steve's trauma is only Nancy's fault. Steve's trauma has deeper, darker roots, and they all end in feeling worthless of love, because no matter how hard he tries, how much he proves that he's not that person anymore (if he ever was), how much effort he pays to fix it, to be acknowledged, he can't get rid of King Steve. Not even with his closest friends. No matter the concussions, or the dead girl in his backyard, or the many, many acts of service.

As much as I love ST characters, I truly hope that in s05 his friends get to acknowledge him somehow as for what he is at the moment, regardless of the past. I would hate to end the series thinking that Steve Harrington deserved better friends.

[theladyofbloodshed]

I struggle with a similar situation with my partner where his low mood really impacts me and in constantly trying to keep up both happy which is draining… how do you cope with it? Do you have any advice?

I'll put this under a read more.

For us, I have to be quite blunt sometimes. We have a phrase "miserable blob". Sometimes I'm like baby are we going to be a miserable blob today or do something about that? I call him that because at weekends sometimes he will just sit there and stare at nothing or it takes him 30 mins to motivate himself to like make a drink. He hates being called that so it snaps him out of it a little bit, or he makes a conscious effort to try and snap himself out of it.

Sometimes I have to be tough and say get on with it, do x, y, z that you need to do then you can zone out.

For my partner, a lot of the issues come from the fact he doesn't like our flat (or England, hence the upcoming move) so some days I just need to get him out of the house. We go for a walk, go for a cup of tea, or visit my sister, just so we aren't in the house but then it's like a big, grey cloud is descending when we get close to home again. Some times, I nurture that depression and we will have a day watching films and cuddling up or we will try and talk about things.

When we first met, he started to experience panic attacks and he used to call me. I was quite firm that I cannot be his only support as the guilt I'd feel if I couldn't get to the phone and something happened would drown me. I made him go to the doctors despite him not wanting to. But I think you just have to be firm. In his country, mental health isn't really talked about and he would not let any of his family know. He eventually went on medication and hated it. It was a battle to get him to take his tablets and in the end he took himself off of them, which I wasn't happy with, but he knows his body best. I did make him tell his family too because I reiterated that I can't be the only one responsible for him, and that his family love him and would want to know about this. I think I used the analogy of a broken leg - nobody would expect you to walk on it and people would want to help you.

He did do online group therapy and hated it because every week was a battle to get him to log on, but after 2 suicide attempts I told him that I couldn't stay with him unless he went to therapy. I cannot be responsible for my mental health and his. He needs to take ownership of it. It was a hard conversation but I got through to him!

A lot of his stress came from owning his own business. When he quit that, it was even more stress because he literally went home for 2 weeks and was like okay i'm not doing it anymore, came back to England and had no job/income. He'd also invested all of his money into the business so he had a lot of feelings of failure. Now he works a 9-5 job he doesn't really enjoy but he isn't stressed about ensuring he gets an income every day, he is turning off his work brain at 5 rather than spending all evening on the phone calling customers and re-arranging his whole day to suit them, no weekends etc. Removing that stress has had a big impact because he could be very irritable and snappy with me then regretful of his behaviour.

We've had a lot of ups and downs due to his mental health and it is hard. I grew up with a mum who had depression and also made several suicide attempts, so it wasn't really anything new to me. I'm always calm in these situations and quite rational which I guess helps when my partner is having panic attacks. He'll tell me he can't see and his heart has stopped beating, and I'm like yes you can, it's in your head, you need to breathe in.

Sometimes I'll just say to him can you go for a long bath or a walk when I know he needs that to chill out - or if I need time away. We've been together long enough that I can say I'm going for a walk and if he asks to come too, I can say no I'd like to be alone and listen to music.

TLDR: be firm with your boundaries, be calm and rational, look after yourself too.

[llycaons]

lot of fun opinions on that homophobic shonen protags poll

the debates over yusuke rage. he was openly transphobic on screen, but is also friends with kurama so..hm.

#but I can't believe yusuke has votes when he canonically kissed his bestie#he's a transphobe not a homophobe

obviously there's overlap but! much to consider. he's also someone who grows up a lot during the series and is notably more chill as an older teenager. he definitely said slurs as a 14 yr old tho

ichigo is barely developed but his series is full of stereotypes of gay men as overly concerned with appearance, evilly effeminate, and sexually predatory. 'he has gay friends' says one tag but um citation FUCKING needed! wait shit

#ichigo doesn't understand but he's got the spirit you know? like he thought uryu was gay and tried to be supportive

oh fuck this might have actually happened. okay maybe ichigo isn't the worst but I'm leaving up my earlier thought bc im not a coward

#ive never seen bleach but that guy looks like he'd be an iphone user

ichigo actually predates iphones! but this is not relevant to the discussion

also the tags calling edward a smug atheist bastard vs. his 'love is love' edit lmao

#who the heck slandering Edward Tho!? This boy ain’t give a crap about homo he got better things to worry about. you go little atheist boy.#He the bane of the military existence for a reason that he works for that only keep him around because he good at alchemy. KNOW THE SERIES.

first of all the way this is written is insane. second of all what does being homophobic have to do with being the bane of the military?!

WAIT THERE'S MORE

#who the fuck is calling edward elric homophobic???? yeah he's an annoying atheist but he's so so antifa

PLEASE HE WORKS FOR THE MILITARY

The amount of people saying "edward isnt homophobic" is so funny. The "love is love i see no difference) meme is not the actual edward elric hes a libertarian military brat. Get a grip #''hes so antifa'' you gotta be smoking dick

LIBERTARIAN EDWARD ELRIC

I see why people call yusuke and naruto bi or gay but edward I never really saw it...his friendship with ling seems very hetero to me. fma always came off as a a very cishet series (lest we forget arawaka's 'men are muscular and women are va-voom' doodle + the heteronormative nuclear family ending). and deku and ichigo too I think they're just straight kids

#also izukus homophobia comes from his bully being a fruity bastard

scream?

'most of these protagonists would never be homophobic' I think you've wildly overestimated the average early 2000s 15 year old shonen boy ngl

#kirito vouldnt care less about anything but his friends/harem#he dropped fighting to live out his little nuclear family fantasy#being homophobic isnt on his radar

wow I wonder if having a nuclear family fantasy would predispose you to certain regressive ideas about gender roles and sexual orientation. it's not like most people consciously make an effort to Be Homophobic it just arises from a set of assumptions and stereotypes you're exposed to in a homophobic society....I feel like the person who wrote this may be stupid. this guy is sweeping the poll currently and at least half of the tags that mention him fucking hate him so it sounds like he's a piece of shit. some people are defending him saying he's bi tho. tbh I didn't even think people liked sword art online, famous harem incel incest fantasy about a chronically online gamer boy, in the year of your lord 2024 anymore

back and forths about deku. as a more recent shonen protag he seems less hateful to me but he also seems very het and the author is nasty so. hm

#wtf voted Luffy? he would never. he's literally a pirate

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE PIRATES CAN'T BE HOMOPHOBIC. like I agree but also what an argument, it's kind of nice to see luffy so low since I liked his vibes in the live action but WHO IS VOTING GON??!!!!! you're saying gon is more homophobic that YUSUKE??!!! I don't think gon even knows what homophobia IS and if he did he'd think it was messed up! not a single tag here is disagreeing so maybe they were mistaken votes

goku struck me as foolish yet well-meaning which is what everyone is agreeing.

#also. Goku is aroace spectrum in my hearth. just throwing that out there

god I wish I lived in a world where that meant he wasn't homophobic.

naruto seems to be a mixed bag bc he almost definitely is gay (even tho some ppl in the tags are like umm it's only POSSIBLE) but nobody can agree if he ever stopped being internalized homophobic about it or if he's a more 'confused but he's got the spirit' kind of deal

yuji ranks very low, which also makes sense bc jjk is a newer series and most shonen in the mid-00s had a lot more homophobia in general than they do now. he seems like a decent kid, tho I never finished s1. the pink hair makes him seem chiller than most

kagome is getting mixed reviews but mostly landing on the not homophobic side. having seen nothing of inuyasha I cannot comment. some tags saying she's a fujoshi some saying shes bi some say both

lots of people saying lucy fairy tale so I'm obligated to mention her but idk shit about that show except it looked kinda misogynistic so if she WAS homophobic I'll give her a pass/s

#kirito is the only answer here because everyone else is gay

im sorry but edward and ichigo are like some of the straightest guys in shonen like please

and FINALLY arguments about whether death note should be included, since it was run in shonen jump. it's not a purely action/fantasy series, so that's probably why it was left out, but it WAS targeted towards teenage boys so I guess it would technically count. anyway everyone is saying light would win by a landslide if he was listed

thanks for coming to my breakdown I will probably revisit this in a week when the poll ends

[the-void-and-the-mirror]

Estrangement doesn't need a map

I ended up talking about my parents recently. Both of my parents I keep far and away at any given time. My dad stopped talking to me a few years ago, and it's the best gift he ever gave me. I will never talk to him again. My dad is absolutely irredeemable, he's never even going to try to grow. My mother I've gone low contact with. In my mother, I've always seen the potential for growth, try to lead her to it, only for my dad to hiss in her ear what she should believe and have her come back and argue with me. She's passive aggressive, doesn't "like to be corrected", and will only give dramatic apologies that paint her like a victim. "Sorry I'm not perfect," "I didn't abuse you!" and just never realising she's the problem. And I had a talk about an article I'd read this morning about estranged parents and how they don't know how they can be estranged when their kids tell them why. And it all so resonated. It's here if you want to read it: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html I struggle a lot with trying to reassociate with my mom, because she wants a relationship and is trying to reach out. My sister has said that my mom is trying to be a better person, but it is baby steps. My sister supports me burning that bridge if I so desire, as well. I've had long talks with people I can trust and who understand my trauma and pain, and that I see my mother as nothing but an emotional exhaustion. She's an energy vampire who has never tried to understand me, and I'm tired just thinking about engaging with her. Anytime I've said why I don't like my mother to her face, it ends in an argument. My sister tells my mother why I don't like her, and it's suddenly apologies. And I know my sister is a blunt person and probably told her directly my reasons, probably even more direct than I am. So the fact that I can't tell my mother why I don't like her and get the same reaction my sister does is another sting that just adds itself to the mess. But this time, I was talking with my boyfriend. How I just stand here staring, "Do I burn this bridge or not?" It would probably cost me less sanity points to just burn it." And while it's hard for me to make the final step to cut my mother out, I probably should, because every time I get a little text from her, I just hate it. And I've started giving minimalist replies. I don't tell her I love her back anymore, because it just feels like an obligation I don't want to return those words. When she tells me my dad loves me, I want to call her out on her lies. And nothing they say will fix the years of abuse, and nothing I say will make them realise what they've done.

My boyfriend told me he supports me in burning that bridge with my mother, but he also told me something I never thought of. He said I don't have to do anything at all. If she grows, she'll grow. But if she doesn't, then oh well. He said it like this: "You don't have to cross the bridge, or burn it. You can just walk away from it, and come back if you ever want to."

And it was enlightening, that I don't have to hope anymore, secretly hoping that what I know will never come somehow miraculously does. I don't have to do anything at all. I can simply let it be. And if one day, I decide my mother's efforts are worth rewarding, I can come back. And for anyone who is in the same position I am; where it is hard to connect but also hard to let go, I wanted to share that insight with you as well. You don't have to burn that bridge, you don't have to do anything at all. You don't have to force yourself to reconnect with someone that hurt you. You can simply keep your distance and watch. And if you decide that someday that change is worth reaching out with, you can go ahead and cross that bridge then. But also know you are never obligated to, either. Someone else's efforts does not mean that you have to give them a reward in return. After all, they've taken so much from you already. Let them show you if they have grown and changed, and even if you decide they are still not worth your energy, your time, your love, it's okay. It's okay to just let it go. And know that no matter which you choose, none of it is your blame to accept. It is you taking care of yourself, and you are allowed to have that.

[nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings]

"I Know The End" - Katherine's Playlist

In honor of the latest chapter of Vengeance <3

I discovered Phoebe Bridgers in the throes of drafting Vengeance and this song single-handedly rewrote my brain chemistry so this should be fun!!

!!!MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE KATHERINE RIDE SAGA!!! Get to Chapter 26 of Vengeance and then come back if you want to be properly heartbroken!

Somewhere in Germany, but I can't place it Man, I hate this part of Texas Close my eyes, fantasize Three clicks and I'm home

For me, this song essentially maps out the whole plot of Vengeance, starting here with Katherine's vigilante era. As much as she puts on a brave face, she's miserable. She wants nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were.

When I get back I'll lay around Then I'll get up and lay back down Romanticize a quiet life There's no place like my room

Katherine's post-vigilante spree routine. She "gets back" to the dorms and wanders, wishing things were different.

But you had to go I know, I know, I know Like a wave that crashed and melted on the shore

"You" being Izuku. Despite her resentfulness, Katherine understands why he did what he did.

Not even the burnouts are out here anymore And you had to go I know, I know, I know

The "burnouts" refer to the lesser (sorry that sounds awful) Pro Heroes, the ones who didn't have the guts to stay in the game.

Out in the park, we watch the sunset Talking on a rusty swing set After a while, you went quiet and I got mean

This jumps ahead to Izuku rejoining the class and his attempts to reconnect with Katherine, though I can also see it as her looking back to the very last chapter of Survival when everything fell apart

I'm always pushing you away from me But you come back with gravity And when I call, you come home A bird in your teeth

Katherine's best efforts to ice Izuku out fail, and her forgiveness is eventually won when he saves her from plummeting into the ocean after the Star and Stripe confrontation.

So I gotta go I know, I know, I know When the sirens sound, you'll hide under the floor

Jumping ahead again to when Class 1-A is leaving for the final battle. I see this entire verse as Katherine talking to her dads. "When the sirens sound, you'll hide under the floor" is pretty fitting for the U.A. evacuation system.

But I'm not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado I'm gonna chase it I know, I know, I know

Katherine knows she has to face what's coming, and she knows what might happen to her when she does.

I gotta go now I know, I know, I know

Here, the "I know" feels more comforting than resilient.

Driving out into the sun Let the ultraviolet cover me up

From here, we get into the events of the final battle. Katherine and Izuku "drive" (more like fly) out into the sun to begin the mission.

Went looking for a creation myth

The "creation myth" being One For All.

Ended up with a pair of cracked lips

Neither Katherine nor Izuku could have anticipated what One For All would cost them.

Windows down, scream along To some America First rap, country song

This lyric just reminds me so much of Hizashi and Katherine. I really loved/hated writing their little spat in these past two books because that's usually reserved for her and Shota.

A slaughterhouse, an outlet mall

Shigaraki coming after Izuku in the mall energy.

Slot machines, fear of God

I see Aoyama's face whenever I hear this lyric. The switch from shining, assured, if not slightly arrogant princely type to scared kid had me hooked.

Windows down, heater on Big bolts of lightning hanging low

Big bolts of lightning...foreshadowing, anyone?

Over the coast, everyone's convinced It's a government drone or an alien spaceship

Your reminder that the final battle was being live-streamed globally. These kids are scaring the shit out of everyone.

Either way, we're not alone I'll find a new place to be from

Okay, back to seriousness. Here I switch to having an individual character focus. This one is Shoto's, hands down. His whole arc in this final battle is him reminiscing on how he could have turned out like Dabi, had it not been for Class 1-A. He knows he's not alone in this fight, and he knows he doesn't have to be like his father or his eldest brother.

A haunted house with a picket fence To float around and ghost my friends

Now we switch perspectives to Katsuki. He's not afraid to die if it means getting the upper hand on Shigaraki. And yet in his last moments, all he can think about is Izuku.

No, I'm not afraid to disappear The billboard said, "The end is near"

Speaking of Izuku, he shares Katsuki's value of self-sacrifice. However, he still wants to do it in a way that saves everyone, including Shigaraki, at the cost of his own life. This is the end of the line for One For All, anyway.

I turned around, there was nothing there Yeah, I guess the end is here

And we end it with Katherine, right before the (soul-shattering) outro. This lyric encapsulates her total resignation to what she assumes is her destiny. She's going to die in this battle, and she knows it. When it happens, she accepts it. Ugh. This song makes me physically ill (in the best of ways).

Fun fact! If you start playing this song around the point where Katherine gets clobbered by those Twice clones, you'll get that screaming in the outro right as she dies :D

[dustvoid]

11.01.24

well, another new year. wild to think my last post on here was the end of 2022. however my main focus last year was to write more in my journal and less on here. feels more therapeutic and somewhat reduces screen time. however there's some thoughts I just want to get out. last year was a pile of dog shit to be honest. I felt like it started off strong, I was dating this guy Liam who I really liked, sort of got a new job that seemed promising, but then it just turned to crap. the guy decided I wasn't doing it for him anymore and the job was a let down too. feel like I did nothing the whole year. waiting for it to end. of course I had some good times, like I always do. but for some reason I just didn't do anything. didn't travel, didn't accomplish much. which really is okay I guess. some years are just like that. but I really hit a wall. I felt so restless and that I was just not getting anywhere. applied for job after job, went through quite a few interviews to still get rejected and felt even more defeated. dating life was very average. the dates weren't bad, but they weren't great either. I did start seeing this guy Aaron who I really liked hanging out with, but it just never seems to exceed anything further than that. I don't know why. I feel like we both enjoy each others company and we always have a nice time. but I'm starting to realise that the dating culture is extremely low effort here. it has been for years. no one really wants to make the effort in both platonic and romantic relationships. if I'm being honest sometimes I'm the same but if I really like someone or see potential I will at least try. I went on a date recently with this guy and I was not keen at all, I wanted to cancel but it was too late so I just went anyway. but it was still very average. it is never a good sign if they want to call it a night. To be fair I didn't feel any sort of connection or sparks, but it was still a bit disheartening.

Maybe I'm just noticing it more but it seems everywhere I look someone has someone. I have no idea what's wrong with me. maybe it is my lack of effort? you obviously have to put in to get something in return, but sometimes it is just so tiring, especially if it is online. I really hate talking online. I don't mind it at the beginning but with online dating there is a small window to meet in person and if it doesn't happen it won't ever happen. so it feels like an endless chat. I don't really know what the problem with me is. I feel like I'm so picky, and usually who the guys I'm attracted to are probably not attracted to me, or they never seem to want anything more serious. But again that kind of feels like my own doing. I feel like sometimes I'm just too easy.

I sort of decided to go over to the UK with Mum in May when she goes. and maybe see if I can hack living there. the thought fucking scares me and I don't know if I will be able to survive it alone. but I cannot think of what else to do. I can't get a different job, I don't like my living situation as there is just no social aspect at all to the house, we aren't friends and hardly talk. I think it is fine for the others as they have lives outside of the house, whereas I don't, and I was kind of hoping to form some new friendships when I moved out again. I either move overseas or id have to leave the house. but really moving makes more sense, because I just need to get out of the city. I love Melbourne, and I don't fully want to go because I will miss my family and I'll miss Emma and not being able to see them whenever I want scares me. I will have my grandma and Lucy and family friends when I go, but no immediate family. I'm scared that I will go over and things will be the exact same, but I know I'll have to put in the work to make sure they aren't. my second main concern is that I wont be able to handle it, and I think that would hurt the most. everyone says you need to give it at least 12 months to settle in, which just seems like such a long time. but I guess 12 months just flew by and that could've been time spent somewhere else. I need to commit and buy the ticket. I just know that when I do there wont be any turning back, and I need to 100 percent sure. I think I will end up doing it, I just never thought I would be doing this until now. the idea of moving overseas always seemed out of reach.

my main goals for the year:

Bite the fucking bullet and make the move O/S.

work out consistently even if its 30 mins a day.

be realistic with my expectations re working out etc.

focus on drinking more water, eating more fresh food, less sugar

hopefully meet someone. experience something more long term

make some new friends in the UK

be less afraid of what other people think. be less judgemental. be kinder to myself

less screen time. find some more hobbies.

Will see what happens and will update.

-H

[mellowdiplomattrashpsychic]

...

So here's a little idea/one-shot this inspired me to make-

Danny sat on his throne during the meeting with Ancients. The table was huge, yet it was smaller than he expected. It seemed not every ghost of a thing was an ancient being. There were other types of ghosts who handled that; spirits if he remembered right.

But that wasn't why he wasn't listening anymore. It's not why he felt like time froze despite Clockwork arguing with Nocturn about something just a few seats to the left.

No, it's because they were there. It's because... none of them were angry at him. None of them had any grudges. He knew. As king, he knew if they had any. Some kind of added empath ability gained through the crown. But they didn't. They didn't.

He looked across the table somewhere to the right. The embodiment of knowledge, specifically on exploratory science. She was formed back in the Enlightenment era, or was it during the Scientific Revolution?

He didn't have the time to ponder it before she made eye contact with him. She gave him a smile, one with sympathetic eyes, before bowing her head and focusing back on the argument.

Oh.

They never hated him. They just... manipulated him. They chose him.

He turned to look back at Clockwork, eyes just the slightest bit brighter.

He made this happen. He made Danny fight like his life was on the line. All those close calls... The Ancients must've been going easy on him.

Pariah Dark was greatly weakened, just waking up from a forever sleep. Comatose people who wake up take a while to orient themselves, why wouldn't that be true for ghosts too?

And Dan. Dan. He- He wasn't easy. Danny won by catching him by surprise. In a fair fight, Danny wouldn't have won. Hell, Dan didn't want him dead. He wanted his family and friends dead. He wasn't aiming for Danny. He wasn't actually going hard on him, not with the intent of ending him. He couldn't, not without ending himself.

Vlad... he still wanted him alive, too. He gave effort, but it was all for the game. It was just to tire him out.

None of it was real.

Something about that made him want to cry. Why was he the one chosen? I guess they might not have had any options. Who would've survived a portal being ripped open through them? He didn't either. He could remember the electricity coarsing through him, the smell, the white and green, becoming unaware and then aware again and again, the pain pain pain-

It was all served to him on a silver platter. Or maybe he should say bronze. It wasn't like he had an easy time.

So why was he here? He's not strong. He's not. Maybe he has a variety of powers, but it wasn't like he was really adept at using them hell- he still uses human technology. The stuff from the living.

Why is he here, sharing a seat among the strongest of the Realms?

Danny didn't concentrate on anything after that. Not for a while. Clockwork became concerned, looking over to the ghost of knowledge.

He did everything right, he kept the boy's family alive, made sure Saint Amity kept the GIW from getting their hands on him, gave him the knowledge that even the littlest things could affect the future, so why is this still happening?

But nobody could answer.

Nobody except Spectra.

Just entering the throne room, and she felt rejuvenated.

Insecurity, low self-worth, apathy, depression-

But instead of egging it on, she could only really ask,

"Why the fuck do you think you're weak? What am I, a roach?!"

Danny startled out of his false reverie.

"Spectra?"

She glared at him.

"So now you're thinking of me? What, did you think I was just some wallflower? Don't underestimate me, you phantom wisp. Just because I'm a woman who's supposed to just clean, wash dishes, and satisfy the needs of her man doesn't mean I'm weak! And I most certainly didn't let you win! You're so frustrating, I can't stand you!" She jabbed a nail on his chest, making him wince.

"I didnt even say-"

"But you felt it! You were thinking it!"

"I didn't mean-"

"So you're lying to yourself now? Making rumors about me?"

"No-"

"So you're admitting-"

"THEY GAVE ME THIS POSITION!"

Spectra flinched back.

"They trained me- they- they weren't even trying to do anything! They just used me, they forced me here! They didn't give me an option- and it's- I'm not fit for this! I shouldn't- why am I even king? Why? Just to be some face, just some cover up for the secret government of Ancients? Because I know jackSHIT about running the entirety of the afterlife! I'm barely able to save my own town-city. I- I'm told everything, how to do, what to do, why to do it all. I don't do anything. I can't do anything- I can't... Why am I here? Why am... why am I here..?"

The room was quiet. Sniffling and shuddering breaths being the only thing to keep the silence away.

Spectra stared at the boy. The one she had nearly driven to his full death or potential End so many times. The boy who had driven himself to suicidal ideation without her doing a damn thing.

She wouldve been happy about it if it wasn't so damn bland by now. The level of insecurity this kid had was frustrating! So what if they forced him on the throne? What matters is why the fuck he thinks that she's weak!

"I dont get a single fucking thing going through your head, wisp." Spectra spat, hand grabbing his face, nails digging into his cheeks. "So what if they put you here? So what if they went easy? They're fucking Ancients. The gods of gods. They think a whole bloodline is a board game for them to play. They think an entire dimension is some type of house for them to renovate, tearing down and building things however they want. Of course they'll go easy. They go easy just to do their fucking job of keeping the planets in fucking orbit!"

She clawed at his face, making him activate his intangibility to get out of her hold, but she just grabbed his hair instead.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN IM SPEAKING TO YOU! LOOK AT ME AN LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE BRAT! I didn't go easy on you. Those lumps of tech, the ash for brains, even that fucking circus whore didn't go easy on you! You think we care about your life? You think we thought you were special? You're a FREAK! You're just some ghost infant who the Ancient of luck decided to mess with. You're not the first and you won't ever be! You're not special, but you're not some run of the mill ghost. Nobody can even stand in the same room as any of those tyrannical kings. Nobody could have gone against Pariah like that. 1 order and you're down."

Spectra threw him back, making him let out a curse as he hit his head on his hard throne he hadn't been able to exchange for another yet.

"Just because your their charity case doesn't mean your mine. So don't think for a second that I'm not trying to use you as a food bank, you hear? Fuck, it's like I'm talking sense into that asshole all over again." She turned and started to walk away, grumbling, "Weak my ass. I'm never trusting anyone enough to not try and nearly kill them. I should've had healing powers."

Danny stared as the door to the room slammed shut behind her.

"Did- Did she just... comfort me?"

From that day on, he'd remember the rogues he had so often fought. His rogue gallery that didn't care about his survival before he was able to befriend them or at least make a deal.

He might've been guided to this position, but he had to fight to get through that pathway to it. And nobody could really say that they had Ancients going easy on them. They never existed to be able to.

He's a king now. His orders can't be disobeyed by Ancients either now, can they? That should be enough to get by. Yeah. He'll just make sure he becomes even stronger before anyone could think about going easy on him.

King Phantom

[estelleah]

You know what is the worst part for me about the times when it's "getting bad" again?

It's having a part of me that wishes that I wouldn't have any friends anymore.

It feels like such a horrible thought - especially because I love the few people that I get to call my friends with all my heart and because they mean more to me than I could ever put into words...but at that time, when my energy is already running low and when my brain is already telling me that I don't even deserve friends (and they hate you anyways, you only cause them trouble and annoy them)...at that time a part of me can't help but wonder if it wouldn't be easier to not have to put so much time and thoughts into worrying and overthinking.

And believe me, there's a lot of worrying and overthinking involved every time it comes to my friends. Did I say something wrong? Did I pressure them too much? Did I not appear interested enough? Is something else bothering them or am I just picking up the wrong signals? Are they alright, mentally and physically? The list goes on and on and it's not even always about my relationship with them but just their general situation.

While most times I'm able to balance that out somehow, it's just so hard to do when I'm already running on low sleep and constant anxiety. My body is already using so much energy to simply exist and it takes a lot of my time and mental headspace to worry about them. Putting effort into maintaining these friendships seems like an impossible task at times - even though another part of me wants nothing more than to put that effort into my friends because I care more for them than I care for myself sometimes and because I want them to be loved and valued.

And it's not fair to them in the slightest because I get so irrationally frustrated with them and because I constantly apologize and do annoy them with my general behavior and I know that and that just makes it worse. A part of me always wants to explain, wants them to tell everything so they can understand if they want to but that would mean that a) I have to share my deepest and darkest thoughts with them, which is nothing that I would even consider in a heartbeat and b) I have to take the risk of them not getting it and instead getting mad at me for it or - and that would be even worse - would feel bad or guilty.

And I know that it'll get better eventually and I know that I will never act on these thoughts and do things that I will regret later on but man sometimes I really wish I just wouldn't have to deal with that.