#can’t wait to see the one for rachel price

[catastrxblues]

holly jackson really goes around ending her books with unanswered messages/letters huh

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #11 (aka Shit I Found On Pinterest That I Thought Was Funny)

*during secure transmission with Shepherd and Graves*

Graves, singing: 🎵 Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock… 🎵

Sherlock: …

Graves: 🎵 Are you finally single? 🎵

Sherlock: No.

Graves: 🎵 I respect that. 🎵

———

*in a hostage situation at a store*

Sherlock: Yeah, there’s four of them and only one of me, but I have a lighter. Okay, we get some hairspray, make some flamethrowers, and let’s fry these bitches!

Ghost, deadpan: No one is frying any bitches.

Sherlock: …

Ghost: I know, I’m disappointed in myself, too.

———

Yuri: I know Makarov, and you’re in far more danger than I. He’s coming for you. And I guarantee that his soldiers will find this place.

Sherlock: Not gonna happen. I rent it out under a shell corporation.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My mail goes to a P.O. box in Seattle.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My neighbors think my name is Rachel Fletcher.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: People I work with all think my name is Sherlock.

Nikolai: Yea-

Yuri:

Laswell:

141:

Roach: Wait what?

Sherlock: Don’t worry about it.

———

Price: Sanderson, you’re fine. Just be yourself.

Roach: “Be myself”? Captain, I have one day to win over Sherlock and Kyle. *gestures to everyone else* How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Soap: Couple weeks.

Ghost: Six months.

Laswell: Jury’s still out.

Roach: See, sir? “Be myself”, what kind of garbage advice is that?

———

Makarov: Go to hell.

Soap: Already been. Didn’t agree with me.

———

Nikolai: We didn’t do it.

Price: Then why are you guys laughing?

Sherlock, grinning: Because whoever did it is an effing genius.

———

Graves: Just trust me.

Shepherd: The last time you said that my house burned down.

Graves: Yeah, but you didn’t die.

Shepherd: That’s not the point!

———

Alex: Should I ask why you have a knife in your purse?

Farah: It’s a dagger, actually. And no, you shouldn’t.

———

Krueger: Sir, we’re surrounded.

Nikolai: Excellent, we can attack in any direction!

Krueger: -_-

———

*Gaz beating some asshole up*

Sherlock: Oh, don’t blame them. They did their best to try to kill me.

Gaz:

Roach: O.O

———

Graves: If it wasn’t totally unethical, I would definitely blackmail you with this.

Alejandro: *eye twitching* Because you’re a shining beacon of ethics, right?

———

Nikolai: Oh, look at all the pretties!

Sherlock: *grabs his hand and pulls him away* Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way I talk about shoes?

———

*Ghost, Soap, and Rudy break into the old prison to free Los Vaqueros and Sherlock, only for Rudy to find the latter in the kitchen hunched over with a sandwich in her mouth*

Rudy: Camarada, what are you doing?

Sherlock: *muffled by the sandwich* …Eating.

Rudy: You’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?

Sherlock: They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.

———

Laswell: Is that blood?

Price: No?

Laswell: That is not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.

———

Gaz: Are you clinically insane, or incredibly annoying?

Sherlock: I don’t know, probably both.

———

Ghost: How are you feeling?

Soap: I think you broke my fingers.

Ghost: Better your fingers than your face.

———

*Sherlock and Alejandro detained in the same room*

Alejandro: What’s our exit strategy?

Sherlock: Our what?

Alejandro: Dios mío, we’re all going to die.

———

Roach: *swinging his legs back and forth * Sitting around, waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.

~Later~

Roach: This is the third time I’ve been kidnapped this WEEK. It’s getting old.

———

Price, about Roach: Look, he’s smiling. He’s totally fine.

Ghost: Sir, he’s smiling because he’s terrified.

Roach, “smiling”: 😬

———

Gaz: Did you bring us here to die?

Nikolai: Obviously.

Gaz:

Gaz: I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.

———

Nikolai: Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?

Sherlock: That’s called a threat.

Nikolai: Черт возьми.

(Черт возьми = Damn it)

———

Valeria: Nothing ever pleases you does it?

Alejandro: Nothing you do.

———

Graves: I know there was a compliment somewhere in there and I’ll take it.

Soap: You piece of shite.

Graves: Ah, there it is!

———

*talking about Valeria*

Alejandro: Oooh, she’s angry.

Rudy: How can you tell?

Alejandro: Well, you can see her mood by her hands. Like right now, she has a gun. I don’t think that she’s happy to see us.

Valeria: 🔫😡

———

Graves: Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

141:

Laswell:

Nikolai:

Sherlock:

Alex:

Farah:

Graves: Farah, can we talk, one ten to another?

Farah: I’m an eleven, but continue.

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

And here's the latest chapter of Scandalous Chemistry!:

January 31st, Friday, 1998

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been a few literally crazy days, huh? Gretchen and I have made buying gum and going on a Spa Date into missions even my darling Pierce Brosnan wouldn’t dare take!

But what matters is that we’re getting closer and closer! I really feel like we hit a breakthrough yesterday! Gretchen actually liked Ashley stuff! Me stuff! You realize what a TOTALLY schway sign this is?? It means that maybe we really could be besties! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Of course, there’s still much work to do, especially on my end! I need to prove I can do Gretchen things tomorrow, when I visit her house and we do some science stuff! I’ll admit, I’m… Sort of, kind of, totally, absolutely, literally nervous about it. Like, what if I find it whack? Or worse, what if I’M whack? What if I hurt her feelings again?! Or what if I’m not open minded enough?! I mean, I want to be, and I still think I did a real fabulous job at the museum, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just ace this!

And I really, really want to, dear diary. I already tried to quit Gretchen, and I just can’t! This friendship means too much to me, it’s like Rachel and Ross, just not romantic! Sabrina and Harvey, just not romantic! Charlie and Kirsten, just not romantic! I don’t know why I keep naming romantic relationships, but you know what I mean!

Point is, Gretchy… Means a lot to me. And even though I’m not exactly sure why, I mean a lot to her, it seems. Why else go through all this trouble for me? So I can’t let her down, especially after she tried so hard at the mall! I just need to get into the right mindset. Ooh, I know! I’ll do, like, one of those meditation mantra thingies!

Deep breath… Science. Nerd stuff. Facts. Learning. Experiments. More science. Molecules. Chemistry. Science 2, the sequel. Wait, no, I said science, this is science 3. Science: The Reckoning. No, Science: The Revenge! You didn’t pay attention at science, and this summer, it’s gonna get PHYSICAL. I should tell that one to Gretchen! I bet she’ll laugh! Hopefully that giggle she does, that’s the best one, the one that sounds like she didn’t mean to let it out, SOOOOOOOO aesthetically pleasing!

Whoops, looks like I rambled about Gretchen again! Sorry, dear diary, that’s been happening a lot! Ugh, I’m SOOOOOO lucky I have you, and your 24k golden lock, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to talk about all this Gretchen stuff! If anyone found out what secret soulmates we are, I’d LITERALLY DIE!

‘You never write in your diary on the way to school. What juicy dirt do we have here, and is “Double Your Lunch Money” too low a price for my fellow students?’, Tyler A hissed conspiratorially, grubby little fingers edging towards the book, shifty little eyes locked in on the gossip…

Outraged, Ashley slammed the book on his fingers, making him yelp in pain while she growled like a wolf on her cheat day from a non meat diet stumbling onto houses of stick and straw. ‘Careful, or I’ll add the mark of Cain to my accessories!’

Britney A, busy chewing on the pencil Ashley had accidentally dropped, grunted out a mouthful of ‘Mommy, Ashley is using the bible to make Tyler suffer, can I too?’. She followed her question by slowly and worryingly raising a makeshift cross marked “Tyler”.

Mrs. Armbruster, for her part, laughed all this off as she cruised her 197 Chevrolet C5 Red Corvette down the mainstreet, gazing out of her window at all the appreciative men, winking and biting her lip just to see what she could make them feel. As they all clearly squirmed in overwhelming attraction, she savored it. Power, pure and simple. Even all her wealth couldn’t buy the power that came with her galaxy spanning confidence. ‘That’s rich, girls! Like me! Tyler, reading a woman’s diary is a sin as despicable as Judas, so if you don’t want me to take away your Tamagotchi…’

‘I’ll be good.’ Tyler muttered, afraid and pissed at his sisters getting away with that. Ashley sniffed importantly, heedless of his suffering. She had far more pressing matters. Speaking of… ‘Oh, mommy, by the way, this week’s sleepover is at Ashley B’s. Would you, like, be able to drive me there? I’m afraid the last few days have totally exhausted me. Tyler?’, she lent out a hand, and the boy begrudgingly handed her a cherry yogurt.

Mrs. Armbruster didn’t look back as she answered, and perhaps it was that mystery that helped coat her real tone. ‘Oh, sorry, junior, but I’m literally SOOOO busy! I have more meetings than the number of dreamy boys on Dawson’s Creek!’

‘Dang, that’s a lot of meetings.’, Ashley A whispered to herself, feeling a little guilty. Gretchen would probably have told her now something about how busy her parents could be, so even trying to picture how busy her own mother was was just… Well, impossible! ‘Oh, aiite, I’m, like, sorry, mommy, I didn’t know.’

‘Now, now, Ashley, don’t fret! There’s a long time until you’re running Armbruster Reality!’, Ashley A Sr. strategically placed pressure onto her daughter’s shoulders, wondering if she was closer to her written out destiny yet. Her ears perked up, not dissimilar to the wolf I mentioned before.

Ashley A, meanwhile, gulped audibly, the concept hitting her like a truck, as it always did. The responsibility of the Armbruster name was entrusted on her shoulders, as the eldest child of the CEO of the biggest real estate business in the Philadelphia Tri-State area. What was she gonna do, let her friends run it? Or worse, Tyler?

But it didn’t make her feel any better when she pictured it: Her, wearing furs like her mother, smoking rings and laughing haughtily at business meetings, selling housing and insurance like a real smooth talker. Could she really live up to such a legacy, when she was befriending a freak… A non-Ashley type behind her family’s back?

Still, she couldn’t let them down. Putting on a brave face, Ashley saluted firmly. ‘WHEN I run it, I’ll be sure to remember that!’

Mrs. Armbruster grinned, giddy at the thought of an early retirement. ‘That’s bangin’ to hear, Ashley! I’ll be sure to tell your father to pick you up when I’m done flossin’ my new mini skirt suit and metallic heels! Like, they’re gonna be the next big trend, you just watch!’

That seemed reasonable to Ashley, so she smiled gratefully, happy that her mother could find the time to tell her father to do what she clearly had no time to do. ‘Business comes first, after all.’, Ashley repeated a worn out family statement, nodding gently, as she slowly glanced down at the photographs she had hidden in her diary, photos she was going to hide in her locker when she arrived.

The booth photos of her and Gretchen.

Thumb stroking the one with soft smiles, she felt a bittersweet pang explode into a brilliant kaleidoscope of uncertainty in her heart. ‘Am I a real Ashley and Armbruster anymore? It’s been so long since I truly enjoyed my old company.’

As the car purred to a stop next to the school, Ashley tried to swallow the lump in her throat and wear a brave face. ‘Today is vital. Today is the day I prove I can have my cake and eat it too. Take that, Thomas, Duke of Norfolk!’

A few minutes later, the first test came, as she opened up her locker to hide the photos.

Ashley’s locker was, well, it was just what you’d expect by now, reading Chapter 24 (excluding Author’s notes): It had all the beauty treatments she could have needed, from a mirror to hairspray to hair mascara to nail polish to lipstick to lip gloss, not to mention eyeshadow; hair bows, ribbons, accessories and clothes replacements if a quick change was needed (or she just felt like spicing it up); glitter stickers, glitter pens, glitter anything, for extra sparkle; pink fuzz all over (including the outside), making it a comfy place to rest her head if needed; liner notes of her favorite Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys songs; an amount of Lisa Frank stickers even Gretchen couldn’t probably count, featuring all her favorite animals in puking glorious rainbow colors; Some of her favorite notes from her friends (mostly some great Ashley B and Q zingers about the gang, which in retrospect, she might have regretted. Was there one of Gretchen? She’d check in a moment); Bath and Body Warm Vanilla Sugar (to smell extra Ashley); Her special backpack (equipped with a million other items, and most importantly, Bear Spice, her teddy); Pink scrunchies (if she ever felt like some sort of pony tail, not that she had the hair for it, or the need, but still); and most importantly, posters and pictures, of all the things and people she loved most: Her and Ashley T belting out Mariah Carey on her karaoke machine; her and Ashley Q giggling like crazy after prank calling some loser (probably Gus or Sue Bob); her and Ashley B strutting on a pretend runway, showing off their designer purses and cool sunglasses. There were also photos of her favorite celebs and shows: Dawson’s Creek, Party of Five, Baywatch, Friends, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hello Kitty, The Lion King, Hercules, Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Leo Dicaprio, Katie Winselt, etc. etc. etc.

No wonder Prickly’s budget was always in the red, when four girls got to have such mega sized lockers.

But there was a new addition, one Ashley A was now installing in secret, whilst searching through her notes for an insult directed at Gretchen. Photos of said girl and her, photos that would expose their lie, unless people fell for the excuse “Oh these are for my cousin, her locker isn’t allowed to have photos in it”.

Her hands were quivering alongside her heart, but she couldn’t help but smile when she stared at the photos, placed below a poster of Simba, Timon and Pumba and next to liner notes to “Anywhere For You” by the Backstreet Boys and a heart shaped necklace. You’d miss it if you didn’t look too deeply, thankfully. Ashley stared at it, like a secret in the middle of her personal paradise, and she couldn’t help but sigh longingly, tiny hearts floating above her. ‘It would literally be so fly if I could have 4 BFF’s…’, she mused in hushed excitement, only to suddenly hear the other Ashleys approaching. Shutting her locker quickly, Ashley whistled the theme to “Dawson’s Creek”, hoping her friends didn’t notice the note in her hands.

‘Ooh, Ashley A, you just gave me a great idea! We should TOTALLY rewatch the second episode of “Dawson’s Creek”!’, Ashley T proposed, sighing wistfully as she thought of all the scandalous moments with the girls in the cast… And the boys that were there too, absolutely, but mostly the girls, which didn’t mean anything, shh. She opened her locker, which was packed to the brim with all her Barbie toys, CD’s, and pictures of Ashley Q. Ashley T had decided to place photos of her fellow Ashley’s once a week, but always forgot to replace the Ashley Q ones. Not that she minded. ‘They’re… Aesthetically pleasing. Why fix what ain’t broke, ya know?’, she lied to herself, as she hummed the wedding march just for kicks.

Ashley Q, quickly opening and closing her locket, lest anyone see her basketball posters and memorabilia among the makeup and magazines, nodded in agreement. ‘And you know what, I think we should also rewatch the latest “Sister, Sister” episode! Since “Baywatch” is the only premiere tonight.’, she suggested, as she painted her nails black and orange, not considering what that hinted at. If she did, it would be too much to bear. This was just a passing fad of hers, nothing more. Just like that time she enjoyed kickball. And just like the time she “got stuck” watching the World Series final game. And just like the time she accidentally attended a Hockey game instead of a figure skating show. And just like the time she only wanted to watch the Super Bowl for the commercials but ended up watching the whole thing. That stuff happens by accident all the time. Totally. Absolutely. Surely.

Unaware of how deep in her comrades were, Ashley B continued their conversation. ‘Seeing as it’s my turn to host, I grant official approval to those ideas, AND to rewatching the latest “7th Heaven” too. I think that will make for quite the adequate preamble to my little… Plan for this Annual Ashley Sleepover.’, B grinned like a cheshire cat as she finger tented like she was an evil yellow octogenarian nuclear mogul.

Ashley Q and T, aware of the plan, both winked at Ashley B, except the former also said ‘Wink!’ while winking and the latter leaned on her locker and then fell, making it open and drop countless photos of Ashley Q. ‘Oh, I’m so clumsy, gosh I have no idea how I got so many of these…’, she muttered, picking them up and hoping her face wasn’t turning to a tomato. ‘Soooooooo out of season.’

Ashley A, totally oblivious to all this, just like how she was totally oblivious to any romantic attraction for or from spectacled geeky girls named Gretchen, simply nodded happily and added ‘Oh, and maybe we can also rewatch the “Sabrina” episode, I thought it was SO funny and…’

‘Yes, we’ll see, anyway, as I was saying, I have many special plans for tonight’s festivities. So many that I do believe we’ll have to skip our “Clueless” viewing…’, Ashley B pretended to be upset (which wasn’t hard, she DID love seeing that movie too), but deep down she knew it was important. She didn’t care if Ashley A’s own mother was sure nothing was wrong, she couldn’t shake the feeling, and she couldn’t truly love her best friend if she didn’t know her best friend was to be trusted.

Ashley A, confused and miffed (‘Gretchen would have at least let me finish my sentence’), held up a finger in questioning. ‘But… But we ALWAYS watch “Clueless”! And besides, the others got to choose episodes…’

‘Ashley A, please. Why get so hung up on semantics when we can get hung up on all the cute boys at Gym? It’s Dodgeball day after all, and I bet they’re all going to be GLI-STEN-ING! Woo!’, Ashley B cried, startling Ashley A. She wasn’t usually THAT boy crazy. Was this just a lie to get something out of her?

‘Look at yourself, Ashley A! So used to lying to your friends, you just assume they are! I wanted to get Gretchen, not lose my other world too! Snap out of it and play along! If you need to make a sacrifice or two, then make them! That’s what FRIENDS do!’, she thought, feeling pretty proud of her dedication. She knew the other Ashley’s would do the same.

Once she left, Ashley Q and T tilted their heads at Ashley B. ‘Hey, um, you never said anything about not watching “Clueless”...’, they both said at the same time.

‘Girls, girls, please… This is for the greater good of the Ashleys! Clearly, something is up with our supposed leader. Maybe it’s nothing that important, but I want to know! None of us want a repeat of “Purple Day”, am I right?’, Ashley B reminded, and the girls nodded resolutely, terrified of such an occurrence.

‘Exactly. So a few small sacrifices are nothing compared to finding out once and for all if Ashley A still deserves to be an Ashley! And we will, once our night of games commences…’, Ashley B snickered evilly.

The 3 all chanted ‘Scandalous!’, but they couldn’t help but feel like one less voice made one big impact…

 

‘Randal!!!!!’, The bellow echoed across the school halls, akin to the shout of an elder god cursing the heavens. Every student at school pricked up, except for The Gang, who were sitting pretty in the cafeteria, enjoying the success of another plan. ‘Goodbye, “Tomato Surprise”, hello, free ice cream!’, T.J. smirked as he happily licked his strawberry flavored popsicle. The rest of the gang all enjoyed chocolate ones, but one was a little less into it than usual. ‘Guys, don’t you think that was a little… Too easy? Where’s Randal slinking his way towards Ms. Finster?’, Gretchen commented, her chocolate popsicle melting over the table. ‘You don’t mind if…’, Mikey started asking, and Gretchen simply handed him the popsicle, which was gone in seconds.

‘Gretch, did that Ashley R steal your ears or somethin’? She’s chewing out Randal! Lucky.’, Spinelli muttered, at that moment the only person in the world wishing she could trade places with the old woman. She bit aggressively into her popsicle, as if it was Randal.

Right on cue, Randal raced past the cafeteria and towards Ms. Finster’s office, looking like he was on death row. The Gang sassily waved him goodbye, minus Mikey (who was a little too nice for that) and Gretchen (who was still kind of suspicious). Finishing her note taking about yesterday’s successful experiment segment (and scrapbooking her copy of the booth photos into the journal), Gretchen sighed and mumbled ‘I’m just saying… Literally sooo suspicious.’

The Gang, eyes as wide as the flying saucers they were sure had abducted Gretchen’s brain, all blinked rapidly and rubbed said eyes. ‘Um, Gretch? Did you say what I think you said?’, Vince asked, seriously lost. Gretchen, as red as her 6th favorite planet, coughed violently and fanned her forehead. ‘Oh, I was just, um… Mocking the Ashleys! Yes! I’m sure Spinelli would approve of such banter and frivolity!’

Spinelli chuckled and fired her finger guns. ‘Finally, some sense!’

‘Yep! Anyway, look at the time! Gym any minute! I can’t wait to get my butt kicked! Physical education, truly the finest of subjects! No offense, Vincent.’, Gretchen reassured, Vince nodding. ‘It’s cool. We’ll catch up with you!’

Once Gretchen was out of earshot, Vince turned worried again, eyeing T.J. with impatient concern. ‘What is going on, Teej? Since when does Gretchen mock anyone?’

‘Hey, are we really not gonna celebrate that our resident geek’s got taste? Now if I could just get her to pound Randal just once!’, Spinelli rubbed her hands in glee, but T.J. was agreeing with Vince. ‘It’s definitely weird, but maybe that’s what happens when you hang out with Ashley R! An Ashley’s still an Ashley!’

‘Well, you know what I think?’, Gus started, sounding surprisingly serious and strategic, as he straightened his glasses. ‘I think that we’re approaching this all wrong. If Gretchen won’t just tell us about Ashley R, she must have a good reason. Let’s be honest: What does that girl have that none of us do?’

‘Fat stacks of cash?’, T.J. asked, rubbing two fingers together like he was a smarmy salesman.

‘Jordans?’, Vince asked, sighing enviously.

‘A passionate and spiritual bond that transcends our simple, prehistoric understanding of companionship? Um, that is, wavy hair?’, Mikey nearly let slip, dreamily imagining his dear friend expressing her true self.

‘The name Ashley? No, wait, that’s my name. Um… Her school! She goes to another school!’, Spinelli snapped her fingers, and the rest all nodded in agreement. ‘Oh, I think she’s on to something!’

Gus, startled, shook his head vehemently. ‘Guys, come on! Look, what’s Gretchen’s DEFINING characteristic?’

‘Excellent hacker for heists?’, T.J. proposed.

‘She’s gigantic!’, Spinelli enthused, half impressed, half envious.

‘Her bleeding heart, the soul of a poet!’, Mikey expressed, appreciative of his friend as ever.

‘Everything…’, Vince drawled, giggling a bit, only to recover and blurt out ‘Um, that is, glasses, she has glasses!’

This time, Gus rolled his eyes AND face palmed. ‘Oh my gosh, guys, SHE’S INTO SCIENCE!’

‘Oh, yeah…’, the rest of the gang slowly nodded, remembering.

‘And… Who else is into science?’, Gus encouraged them, his hands motioning them to come to his conclusion.

25 straight seconds passed until T.J. slapped the desk excitedly. ‘Bill Nye!’

‘ASHLEY R! ASHLEY R IS! DUH!’, Gus shouted, only to take a few calming breaths and sit down in his seat again. ‘Sorry. What I mean is, none of us ever really take an interest in Gretchen’s hobbies! We barely helped her out with that telescope for the eclipse a few weeks ago!’

‘Weeks? That feels like a year and a half almost…’, Mikey mused, but the gang simply continued. ‘Okay, and?’, T.J. asked, unused to Gus coming up with the plan, but intrigued all the same.

‘Well, maybe that’s what Gretch’s been so secretive lately! Ashley R allows her to express a side of herself that she can’t with us! Maybe if we showed her that she can, she’d explain to us what’s been going on, and we can put this whole stupid thing behind us!’, Gus excitedly pitched, nearly falling from the seat he was now standing on, only to be caught by Mikey, who smiled at him and shook his head. ‘So close yet so far…’, Mikey thought to himself.

‘Okay, but how? Do we go to her house and do… Science stuff?’, Spinelli voiced, confused at the proposition.

‘Basically, yeah.’, Gus replied, proud of his plan, eyes closed in satisfaction.

‘I guess that could work…’, T.J. slowly muttered, considering it. ‘I mean, anything to help out Gretchen, no?’

‘Absolutely!’, Vince and Spinelli roared in approval, while Mikey sighed, wishing they’d move on from this arc and onto the “Gretchen being cute with her girlfriend” arc. ‘What’s it gonna take for me to see some romance in this place?’, he thought, only for thundering footsteps to be heard, as Penny Bly breathlessly reached them, hair looking all out of place. ‘Thank god I caught up with you! I just saw Gretchen walking towards the gym, and I wanted to know if you want me to spy on her! Normally I wouldn’t ask, but then I thought you guys would be all high and mighty and say…’

‘No, Penny. Like we told you yesterday, we don’t want to spy on Gretchen again.’, T.J. rejected her offer with clear disdain, while Spinelli prepared her fist. Penny gulped, shaking instinctually.

‘But…’, Vince lifted a finger, smirking mischievously. ‘Ooh, a Vince plan! Hit me, buddy!’, T.J. enthused, intrigued by what Vince had to offer.

‘Well, you know, the Ashley’s Annual Sleepover is this Friday.’

‘Yeah, they never shut up about it.’, Spinelli grunted, clenching her fist harder.

‘Yeah, and remember who Ashley R is related to? Ashley A! Despite all our investigating, we still don’t know if we can trust that girl, or if she’s being forced to work for her jerk of a cousin! I’m still not ruling out “Ashley brainwashing”.’, Vince explained, crossing his arms in annoyance. How DARE they touch his… Their Gretchen.

Penny, loving this idea, nodded like a bobblehead and pointed at Vince with her pen. ‘Yes, yes! Excellent thinking, LaSalle! There’s more than one web in this twisted tale of treachery!’

‘Now, we don’t know if it’s treachery…’, Mikey reminded, worried for his friend’s secret. That Penny seemed hellbent on discovering such things. He had no idea if she was the ethical kind of journalist!

‘Treachery or not, we need to know.’, T.J. insisted, and with a curt nod shared with Vince, he turned towards Penny. ‘If you really want to help us out, then go to the Ashley’s sleepover and get all the information you can. Then, we’ll trust you.’

Saluting, Penny slinked back into the shadows. ‘You got it, Detweiller! Penny Bly, out!’

Reaching towards the vents, she crawled in and left them in silence.

‘...Yeah, that’s Library Kid’s big sister all right.’, they all finally commented, continuing to enjoy their ice cream.

 

Later, at the gym, the kids were sorted into two separate teams for Dodgeball (coach’s favorite torture method).

But whenever have Ashley A and Gretchen let the rules get in their way?

(Mortal Kombat Movie Theme)

‘Ugh, I can’t believe Dodgeball is mandatory, even for us Ashleys.’, Ashley A groaned in frustration as she screamed and ducked from a ball, her custom made pink gym clothes already covered in sweat from that little physical exertion. ‘Eww! I don’t get what Ashley B likes about this stuff, I feel like I got slimed by crying mangos!’

‘That might be the grossest thing I’ve heard in my life.’, Gretchen replied, wearing a simple white jersey with a sweatband and shorts. She looked about as out of place as the music sounded. ‘Well, that and this song. Miyamoto above, Mortal Kombat is a blithering bane of banality.’

‘Yes, I totally know what that means.’, Ashley replied with an eyebrow raise, prompting Gretchen to sigh. ‘Curse my superior vocabulary. Let me translate to Ashley: Talk to the hand because I’d rather play Pat a Cake with Ms. Finster and Randal.’

Ashley shivered, getting the message. ‘That’s gonna haunt my nightmares.’, she then scratched her head in confusion. ‘But isn’t that, like, a video game? I thought you liked those!’

Gretchen shook her head as she just about leaned to the side to avoid an oncoming ball, that struck Upside Down girl and brought her right side up. ‘I don’t like EVERY video game! I mean, do you like every Ashley thing?’

Ashley had to admit she had a point. ‘Not… Anymore.’, she muttered, realization sinking in, as a ball came towards her. ‘Ashley, six o’clock!’, Gretchen cried, and Ashley giggled, shaking her head at Gretchen. ‘Silly Gretchy, it’s just after one o’clock!’

Groaning, Gretchen grabbed Ashley and pulled her down, the ball sailing over and knocking Randal out cold. ‘Nice.’, Gretchen and Ashley both whispered, with the former taking off her glasses. ‘Careful, they can’t see us together. Here, take mine and pretend you’re Ashley R.’

Ashley nodded and took the glasses, now seeing nothing. ‘But how are you going to see the balls coming?’

‘Use your ears and listen.’, Gretchen instructed, and Ashley did so. Hearing a whistle, she pushed Gretchen to the left and held out her hands in hope, grabbing the ball.

The coach whistled, smirking. ‘Nice catch, Ashley A! Oh, wait, you’re the one with the glasses, Ashley R! Nice catch, Ashley R! Hey, where did Ashley A go?’

Ashley and Gretchen gulped, only for Ashley B of all people to come to their rescue. ‘She must have DODGED this lesson! Ha! That’s more like it! A point in her favor.’, Ashley B marked it down in a notebook, having allowed herself to be eliminated first so she could lie down on the bench and get pampered by an army of boys crushing on her. ‘Keep fanning, I’m exhausted from all this physical education!’

Ashley and Gretchen sighed in relief, then got up and kept on dodging. ‘Your left! Wow, look at us, huh? We’re a real team!’, Ashley cried, and Gretchen ducked, hurting her knee on the floor. As she wheezed, she brought Ashley down, crying ‘Duck!’, then nodded. ‘Yeah. All it takes is listening.’

Ashley pouted, feeling heavy all of a sudden. ‘If only it could always be, like, literally that simple.’

‘I mean, it is. It’s dodgeball. It’s pretty whomping stupid. Why else do you think Coach likes it?’, Gretchen explained, feeling like that was pretty obvious.

Ashley, however, pressed on with her fears. ‘No, Gretchen, I mean… Ugh, never mind, okay?’. She crossed her arms, while Gretchen helped her up and slapped a ball away from her face. ‘Take two steps to the right. Now, what’s up?’

‘What do you mean, what’s up? The ceiling?’, Ashley said with a hint of edge, but Gretchen ignored it and stepped closer to her, only for Ashley to push her back. ‘Ball your way.’, she explained, and Gretchen ducked again. ‘Well, Ashley… Quick, jump up. Well, because you always pout and cross your arms when you’re REALLY upset. And your whole body gets all heavy, you lose all your ridiculous amounts of energy. I don’t need glasses to tell by now.’

Ashley sighed, jumping over a ball. ‘Okay, you got me. I can’t lie to you. Just like I can’t… Oh, wait, come over here. Just like I can’t lie to myself. I’m worried about the Annual Ashley Sleepover today.’

‘Is it because it’s at Ashley B’s? I concur, that’s like stepping into the lion’s den.’, Gretchen agreed, as the two made a chain with their hands and pulled each other back and forth depending on where the ball was.

‘Well, that doesn’t help, but it’s more than that, Gretchy! I just… I think The Ashley’s are STILL suspicious I’m frontin’, even after yesterday! And worse, Ashley B still seems really down to frown at me! This party’s supposed to be off the hook as always, but I’m worried it’s gonna be lame! Lame because somehow we’re STILL not the way we used to be and all that!’, Ashley explained, spiraling further into a teary rant. She could feel her eyes begin to water. Any minute and she’d tarnish Gretchen’s glasses with her stupid selfish feelings.

Gretchen, sympathetic despite her own problems, tried to offer a silver lining. ‘Now, now, let’s not short circuit, Ash! Maybe you’re just being paranoid! It’s been a while since you felt truly comfortable with The Ashleys, just like my friends and I! Maybe we need to use this break from the friendship experiment to reaffirm our old friendships too! After all, it’s not like we’re only gonna rendezvous with each other!’

‘That’s true…’, Ashley admitted, slapping a ball away from Gretchen. ‘Plus, I’m kinda fiendin’ for the B household grindage. She can bulk order Kid Cuisine and Bagel Bites! My dad at least insists on cooking once in a while, her parents don’t care!’

‘I’ll admit, that sounds more concerning for her family situation than cool, but hey, whatever floats your boat.’, Gretchen smirked, dipping her away from the ball. ‘See? You’re already excited! Plus, I bet you can gossip and watch TV and, um, compare nails? Whatever you girls do at a sleepover.’

‘Heh, heh, we compare nail polish, Gretchen, not nails! But you’ll learn that soon enough next week…’, Ashley smirked, and Gretchen gulped. ‘Don’t remind me. I’ll have less stressful trips to the surgeon's room.’

Ashley giggled, and instantly, Gretchen felt better. She hated seeing Ashley like this. Their friendship wasn’t supposed to ruin all the other ones! As they rose up, she squeezed her hand in solidarity. ‘We both need this. Let’s make the best of it, huh? No need to get all worried about lies and cover stories and whatnot. Just you, me, and our old friends. Except, you know, we’re not gonna see each other, but you get it.’

‘Which is a shame! I have to wait a WHOLE day to see this secret project of yours? How did you even get any work on that this week?’, Ashley grinned, impressed, and Gretchen couldn’t help but brag a little, enjoying the attention. ‘Oh, I have my ways, Ms. Richter.’

Ashley’s grin slowly shifted into a grateful smile. She squeezed back. ‘You’re right. I’m literally overthinking this. I’ll just take a chill pill and raise the roof in that crunk. And you do the same, girlfriend! Live up that unpopular life! I wanna hear all about how happy your loser… I mean, cool friends make you!’

‘Now there’s the Ashley I know! Blindly optimistic in front of the rules of physics!’, Gretchen cracked, though she also smiled appreciatively at Ashley’s words. She really hoped this would work, she missed her friends and wanted a break from lying to them. Ashley nudged her. ‘The rules of physics ain’t got nothing on Gretchley!’

‘Gretchley?’, Gretchen questioned, confused. Ashley was quick to explain. ‘It’s like, our names together! Gretchen plus Ashley, Gretchley!’

‘Ah, like a team thing?’, Gretchen nodded, understanding. ‘Yeah!’, Ashley explained, happy Gretchen was accepting it. ‘Where’d you get that from? I never heard of that.’, Gretchen asked, curious. ‘Oh, I heard someone use it for those two from that dumb X-Files thing, I thought it was cute!’

Gretchen, well aware of what that term now meant, decided that dying in a gymnasium from being given a shipping name by her totally platonic friend would not be ideal for her plans that weekend, and so, just pretended she didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, they heard Gus cry out next to them ‘Stop holding hands and move aside, rookies!’. As the duo blushed a little at how long they held hands, Gus rose up and spiked a ball right towards Ashley Q, who was busy talking to Ashley T and spiking it back without looking. Gus roared to the song’s tune and hit back, and Ashley Q responded with another strike back. The two hit the ball back and forth over and over while the rest of the gym just stared in confusion at this unlikely final, outside of Ashley T and Cornchip Girl, who were very much enjoying the spectacle. ‘What a man!’, Cornchip Girl fanned herself. Ashley T covered Barbshley’s eyes. ‘Lord forgive me for my unholy thoughts, I’m just… Practicing for when boys… Do that. Gulp.’

‘...Yeah, perhaps we’d all benefit from a break.’, Gretchen voiced, as Ashley nodded. ‘Damn, skippy.’

 

Later that day, before the sleepover but after school, Ashley B had much to arrange at her house.

So she sat in her bed and had Menlo do it.

‘Did you arrange last minute details on the landline?’, Ashley B asked with her back to Menlo, busy arranging something.

‘Yes, Ashley B…’, Menlo started, frustrated as he climbed up the stairs, only to be interrupted by Ashley B, who chided him like a mother. ‘Ap, ap, ap!’

‘...Yes, President Ashley.’, Menlo gagged out, shivering like he just said a forbidden word. ‘What would my dear Ashley A think?’

‘Ashley A better get used to it like you. Because even if she DOES prove herself today, I am far more fit for the presidency. I don’t need to constantly prove I can be trusted.’, Ashley B reminded, still fiddling with something Menlo couldn’t see.

As he sighed and placed spice girl plates full of creme savors, face twisters sour candy dough, crazy dips, spray candy, fun dip and pop qwiz down on Ashley B’s mega tea party set (pink table, chairs, saucers, etc.), he couldn’t help but voice a niggling question that bothered every wrinkle of his brain. ‘...Why?’

‘Why? Why what?’, Ashley B asked absent mindedly, getting her special fit for the party ready and trying out each accessory in front of her personal mirror. She was going to out glamor Ashley A or die trying.

‘Why does she have to prove herself?’, Menlo asked, arranging the Cosmopolitans by date. He was STILL Menlo. ‘Didn’t she already do so? I remember you were pleased with how she handled the project with Gretchen, not to mention you wouldn’t stop bragging about how your Annual Ashley Sleepover two weeks ago was the best one ever. Why does she need to prove herself again?’

‘You mean, besides the fact that you were dressed like her in her room?’, Ashley B’s reply was laced with impatience and venom, and Menlo instantly regretted protesting in Ashley’s defense, but B still provided an answer. ‘You can deny it all you want, Menlo. Something is up with her. I don’t know what, and maybe yesterday was a fluke. But I’m a lot smarter than people think. I’m second in command for a reason.’

Suddenly, Ashley B’s father and mother, both pacing back and forth outside the room, constantly yapping on their phones about work meetings, looked into the room for a moment. ‘We’ll be out all night, Armbruster Reality first quarter planning sessions. Brittney and Tyler are with friends. You’re fine on your own, right?’

Before Ashley B could answer, the parents took it as a yes and began to depart. As if possessed, Ashley B suddenly raced towards them and blocked their way to the stairs. ‘Hey, um… What do you think of my new look? For the party? Pretty fly, huh?’

‘It’s great, Ashley.’, they remarked, marching downstairs like two robots on the run. The echo was obscene, ringing across the practical mansion of a house like volcanic eruptions. Everything in the house was remarkably clean, shiny, pristine and untouched. The dinner table didn’t even have chairs next to it, and there was a disturbing lack of family photos. To all intents and purposes, this was a ghost family. Here, Ashley B held no position. The Ashleys clubhouse was different. There, you’d know Ashley B existed.

Ashley B stood there for a moment, fists clenched so violently you could have sworn she’d explode, before marching back into her room and to her other project: a huge Polly Pocket collection with 4 specific houses that bore striking resemblances to her and the Ashleys. ‘...I’m second in command for a reason.’, she repeated, as if under a spell, and Menlo wasn’t sure if pressing on was wise, so he decided not to.

They worked a little more in silence, while Ashley B focused specifically on her and Ashley A’s lockets, positioning the two little dolls next to each other. ‘Ashley A, I know you must be fed up with me by now. I’m sure you think I’m some… Some power hungry scrub. But I’ve worked SOOO hard to get to where I am, to earn my place on the Ashleys, and it’s all thanks to you. You held me to high standards and got the best out of me. I’m just… Returning the favor.’

In Ashley B’s mind, she was truly doing the right thing. In Ashley B’s heart, she felt a void, a void not filled since Purple Day. Call it best friend intuition, but she knew that Ashley A was… Different. Perhaps that different wasn’t a bad thing. Perhaps she was just going through some… Phase!

But phase or not, understandable or not, even if she came across like some greedy, selfish bitch, Ashley B knew that one fact reigned supreme, one fact made her life worth it, made this big empty house worth it, made this big empty family worth it…

‘Ashleys literally before all.’, Ashley B whispered, as she stared in hopeful desperation at her notebook, taping Ashley A’s doll onto it as a prison till she proved worthy of escaping, stuck underneath a headline simply titled “Ashley Trials”.

 

‘So, to recap…’, Penny asked, jotting words down a mile a minute like she was faster than the speed of light. One could tell writing was a passion, alongside sneaking around for a story. One would have thought Penny had tickets to Disneyland. ‘While you 5 go to Gretchen’s to work your “Special Interest theory”...’

‘I prefer Operation: Hobby-steria, but you do you.’, T.J. commented, leaning on a street lamp. The kids were in the middle of the street, with the orange afternoon sun casting shadows all over them. It was like a scene out of a shady western.

‘I will shadow the Ashleys to the party and listen in to the whole thing with my “toys”...’, Penny chuckled conspiratorially, revealing her bugs and lockpicks. She wiggled them around her fingers like a yo-yo.

Mikey sighed, clearly doubtful about this plan. ‘Isn’t this worryingly similar to what Richard Nixon did?’

‘Didn’t he do the V-sign? That means peace, that’s good, no?’, Spinelli asked, missing the point. ‘Yeah, I’m not a crook!’, T.J. impersonated, making her laugh and nudge him.

Mikey sighed, emotions swirling around his stomach, as he clutched it. ‘It just don’t feel right. Not even to the Ashleys. It’s one thing to spy on them when we know they’re doing something wrong, but they’re just having a sleepover! We don’t even know if Ashley R will be there! Plus, she sounded, um, quite trustworthy!’

‘And what makes you think that?’, Vince asked, crossing his arms. ‘Where’s your evidence, man?’

‘That’s what I gay, I mean say, okay?’, Mikey protested, holding his real reasons back as much as he can. ‘Big Guy, I get it, honest, but sometimes you gotta bend the rules a bit for your friends! Think of all the times we’ve broken school rules! This is for Gretchen, not for ice cream or balls!’, Gus reminded, patting his friend’s back. ‘I know that, Little Guy, but…’, Mikey protested again, before Penny (desperate to keep the operation going) grabbed his hand and tightened it hard, like a handshake of life or death importance. ‘Mikey, look at me.’

Mikey did, and he was startled by the steely determination in Penny’s eyes, mixed in with something curiously innocent, the moral code of a well meaning child. ‘There’s nothing I value more than exposing the truth. If Ashley R is innocent, then I will see to it that your friends come to terms with that fact. But if something is afoot, I will sniff it out with no discrimination.’

Something about the promise felt true and genuine, and despite his brain’s worries, his gut feeling told him that deep down, Penny could be trusted. With a slight nod, Mikey allowed her to try. ‘Okay. I’ll trust you, Penny.’

Penny nearly opened her mouth when hearing her name, but stopped herself. With a salute, she squirreled away, riding on a bicycle towards Ashley B’s house.

And with a curt nod shared, the gang began walking over to Gretchen’s house, hoping to finally crack the mystery of her heart.

 

Ashley had never understood the term “Butterflies in my stomach”. First of all, how did they get there? They only lived for one day! Secondly, butterflies were too cute to ever be somewhere as gross as the human body!

Most importantly, Ashley didn’t get nervous. Nerves were for losers with no class or style. An Ashley had to control every room she walked in, to be the center of attention. You couldn’t do that if you were afraid of said attention!

And yet, for the first time in her life, Ashley felt this strange and worrying sensation, as her father drove her ever closer to Ashley B’s house. It was almost 17:00, and the sun was beginning to set. Soon, all of the town would be bathed in the inky night, except for the Annual Ashley Sleepover, that would only be cast with shadows of deception.

Ashley hated this nervous feeling, it felt so… UnAshley. This was supposed to be fun, like Gretchen had said. She looked forward to all the activities they’d be up to. What was wrong? What was off?

Mr. Armbruster, overhearing her small, nearly imperceptible whimpers of concern, smirked and made his voice deeper to sound like he was landing a plane. ‘Um… Attention, passengers, this is your, urrrrr, captain speaking… On your left you can see houses featuring background characters no one cares about… ummm… On your right you can see the Boulet residence, our final destination, where you’ll find the lovely Ashley Armbruster situated for tonight. Make sure to fawn over her and maybe you’ll be blessed with a smidge of her beauty.’

Ashley perked up, and couldn’t help but smile, rolling her eyes affectionately. Her daddy was always finding silly ways to make her smile. Usually she didn’t pay much attention to it, but now? Now it was worth its weight in gold.

Opening her car door and slinking out like a cat (fittingly enough, considering who was napping in her backpack), Ashley turned back to her father, who had lowered the window for her to speak, and with a voice uncharacteristically quiet, whispered ‘Thanks for driving me, daddy.’

A simple sentence, really. Ridiculously simple. And it spoke to the problematic Armbruster family dynamic that such a phrase was so very rarely heard.

But for Xavier (who was doggone tired from a long day at work, and was unfortunately going to have to drive back for the first quarter meeting), those words worked better than any cup of coffee.

‘You enjoy yourself, princess, okay? These are the best years of your life, with the bestest friends you’ll ever have. Live it up for me, will ya?’, he asked, softly, and Ashley nodded, even giving him a little kiss on the forehead.

Waving goodbye (as did sleepy Ashley M from the backpack), Ashley A took a deep breath and stared up at the Boulet mansion, a green two story house with trees as far as the eye could see. It was so large and imposing, you could only just about see the beginnings of the moon hide behind the shed. Ashley thought of what Gretchen and her father said, and determined to make the most of it, stepped onto the patio and rang the doorbell, that echoed like church bells on mass. Dingggg, donggggg, dinggggg, donggggg… Dinggggg, donggggg, dinggggg, dongggggg…’

So enamored she was with the sound that Ashley didn’t notice the door open, until Ashley B cleared her throat loudly, eyes glazing in annoyance.

Ashley, startled by the sudden sound, jumped, as did Ashley M from out the backpack, landing on the girl’s head, both laughing nervously. ‘Heh, heh… Sorry, Ashley, I was just distracted by your door bell. It sounded SOOOOOOO nice!’, she tried complimenting, sure that it was a very adult thing to compliment.

Ashley B, however, simply got more annoyed. ‘I’ve had that doorbell my entire life.’

‘...Just goes to show how much taste you had even as a baby!’, Ashley A tried to save, her smile growing more and more awkward, as she swung her fist from one side to the other to emphasize the taste.

Ashley B sighed, shaking her head. ‘WhatEVER. Let’s just get this party started, girl.’

Taking this as an invitation to enter, Ashley wiped her shoes on the mat (just in case) and strolled in, amazed as always by how wide and all encompassing Ashley B’s house was. To her, it looked like a palace out of a fairytale, the white decor nearly blinding.

So was Ashley B’s ensemble: Alongside an absolutely sparkling honey yellow dress with bumblebee earrings, she was sporting pretty butterfly clips in her hair, shiny black platform shoes that made her seem taller than any of the Ashleys, and a sequined belt that glimmered like 500 suns encrusted with diamonds. Ashley had to block her eyes at first, so taken aback by the look. ‘Like, shut up, girl! You look LITERALLY Milano! Literally!’

‘Thank you, thank you. It is quite the SCANDALOUS look.’, Ashley B took the praise, but focused back on her mission immediately. She could value the praise later. ‘Now, until Ashley Q and Ashley T arrive, make yourself comfortable, treat yourself to our state of the art Diet Coke fountain.’

Ashley gawked at the fountain, a new addition to B’s reportraire. She happily scooped up some with a ready glass engraved with Ashley B’s face, and savored the flavor, making happy humming noises. ‘That’s SO yummy! I think I can taste my dentist’s disapproval!’

‘15% more industrial. We Boulet’s have high standards. It’s how one survives in this cutthroat business.’, B explained with a smug grin, stabbing a barbie kitchen knife onto the table (the knife falling flatly on the side). Smirking, she whispered to the still drinking Ashley ‘Make the most of this rest, A. My plans are gonna make this an unforgettable sleepover, and you need to be at your peak Ashley performance.’

This gave Ashley pause, and she stopped drinking greedily to voice her concerns. ‘Um, yeah, like, about that? I was wondering… What ARE those plans? I’m sure they’re TOTALLY schway, but you know, a girl likes to be prepared.’

Ashley B grinned maliciously, sending a shiver down Ashley A’s spine. ‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out. But don’t worry…’, she remarked, as she left the table and looked back menacingly, snapping her fingers. ‘A proper Ashley would pass this with her eyes closed.’

With that, Ashley B retreated to the kitchen to prepare some things, while Ashley A now found herself very small and alone in the gigantic living room, surrounded by a whole lot of white nothingness, and a diet coke fountain that was suddenly less enticing.

As if to answer her scared shaking, Ashley M climbed out of the backpack and meowed at Ashley A, who bit her lip in fear and whispered like she was hiding from a monster. ‘Ashley M, baby, listen: I think Ashley B is trying to prove my loyalty again. We don’t know what she’s capable of, and honestly… I don’t know if I can do it alone.’

Ashley M instantly saluted, ready to help, and Ashley A smiled slightly and rubbed her head in appreciation. ‘Thank you, Muffin.’

Shifting into a serious stare, the two conspiratorially planned their survival. ‘Here’s what we’ll do: I’ll take on her silly game, while you warn me each time of what’s gonna happen. If you think it’s too much for me too handle, or you see me struggle, then rush over to Gretchen’s house. It isn’t far from here, thankfully.’

Ashley M nodded curtly, and sneakily prowled towards the kitchen, ready to find out what Ashley B’s twisted mind was concocting.

Ashley A, meanwhile, took another swig of diet coke, feeling the total opposite of relaxed and “living it up”. ‘I knew this was a bad week to quit.’, she voiced, taking a bubblegum cigar and puffing on it as if it were a real one.

 

‘So, are we all clear on the plan?’, Gus asked, still surprisingly in charge, as the gang marched down the street, Gretchen’s house in their sights. Opening the fence and letting everyone through first, Mikey nodded, albeit reluctantly. ‘Oh, I’m clear. We’re emotionally manipulating Gretchen by feigning interest in her area of expertise, you know, something she’s probably been secretly hoping for for years.’

‘I’d word it a lil nicer…’, T.J. remarked, struggling to deny that that was what it was in a nutshell. Pure motivation or not, they were still using dirty tactics. Was this a new thing for them? No, no it wasn’t. But it was hard not to at least feel a bittersweet taste to the whole sordid affair.

‘I’d word it “necessary”. If we’re Gretchen’s friends, then we have to do everything in our power to find out if something is wrong with her. If she won’t be straight with us, why should we be straight with her?’, Vince countered while stepping across Gus to take the closest spot to the door, his words oddly prophetic all things considered.

‘Guys, are we still debating this? We all agreed Gretchen’s been acting all coco for coco puffs lately! We absolutely HAVE to investigate this! If that means a little acting, so what, big deal! Gretchen would know that it came from a good place.’, Spinelli doubled down, looking back for a moment. She was expecting Randall to pop up, but he wasn’t there… Yet.

Mikey sighed and rolled his eyes, displeased with his friends activity, but too non confrontational to go any further in protest. He stuck to a simple crossing of his arms. ‘I’m just saying, what if Gretchen wants to keep this private?’

‘Why? You know anything?’, Vince asked, suspicious of his friend suddenly, raising an eyebrow and staring him right in the eyes. Mikey averted his gaze, worried his cover would break.

Suddenly, a sharp whistle sounded, and everyone turned to Gus, who shook his head at them, steely and serious. ‘Guys, focus! We’re here to help a friend, not turn on each other!’

Vince eased up, instantly filling with shame. Why had he jumped like that? ‘Sorry, Mikey.’, he said, leaving the rest unspoken.

Mikey didn’t need to hear it. He simply nodded. ‘It’s cool, Vince.’

Everyone now prime and ready, Gus flashed a thumb’s up and knocked on the door.

Gretchen, who had spotted them earlier from her window, was already at the door, grinning from ear to ear. It had been a while since anyone had seen her THAT happy, at least, anyone whose name didn’t start with A and end with Shley Armbruster/Richter. ‘Greetings, friends!’, she beamed, her feet beginning to descend to the yard below. ‘What’s on the agenda? Did you bring your frisbee, Vince? Because I was considering some modifications to soup it up a little for you! I read this fascinating article in Metal and Wood about how the likelier a head injury, the more fun one has…’, the scientist ranted, only to be stopped by Spinelli, who shook her head.

Confused, Gretchen swiveled her head back to T.J, who elbowed Gus, reminding him it was his plan. Gus, suddenly shrinking a little, attempted to cough out the pitch. ‘Oh, um… Well, you see, Gretchen, the gang and I were just thinking about, um…’, he trailed off, and realizing he needed help, T.J stepped in. ‘About HOW we do all kinds of things, but we don’t really do YOU things, you know?’. Gus, relieved, nodded enthusiastically, subtly fist bumping T.J. ‘Yes, exactly, that! You things!’

‘Me things?’, Gretchen tilted her head, confused at first, only to understand, as she snapped her fingers and clicked her tongue. ‘Oh, of course! You mean my scientific endeavors, right?’

Vince, who was smiling a little too hard, flashed a thumb’s up. ‘Uh huh! I mean, you’re part of the gang, right? We’re supposed to respect every group member’s interests! I personally think that it’s really, um, wizard, how you’re a woman of science and stuff.’

Gretchen blinked at that adjective, long enough for Spinelli to push her back into the house. ‘So why not show us that ol’ lab of yours, huh? Any cool projects you got going on? Any that involve violence? Because that would actually be intere…’, she began, only for T.J to shake his head violently, making Spinelli stutter and rephrase. ‘That is, um, that would be… Surprising! Since you’re not really that cool VIOLENT… I meant violent!’

Gretchen shrugged, confused. ‘Since when are you this obsessed with hurting people?’

‘I haven’t given Randall a good beatdown in ages, okay? I’m in withdrawal, gimmie a break.’, Spinelli explained, shuffling her feet. Perhaps she was just feeling a lil bad about lying. This was so much easier on TV, when it was obvious who was the good guy and bad guy. Why couldn’t life be more like WWF?

Moving on from that, Gretchen stared at the gang, who were all smiling widely, except for Mikey, who just seemed kinda down, and bit her lip, uncertain at this odd display. ‘Since when do they care? They don’t really find my gadgeteering interesting. Not that I’m complaining, but this is sort of out of the blue.’, she thought, measuring the possibilities, only to remember her own advice for Ashley. ‘What am I, a hypocrite? My friends are being nice, and here I am, suspecting the worst! Especially after all the lying I have done, what place do I have to consider other motives? No, no, I said I’d have fun, and I will!’

Playing up the part a little to truly get into it, Gretchen put on a big smile again (just with more effort needed) and waved onto the stairs. ‘I’d be honored to share my latest works with my dearest companions! Free admission, just try not to ruin the carpet!’

Making up the rear of the group, Gretchen’s smile grew a little more genuine. ‘I sure hope Ashley’s getting this lucky!’

 

Meanwhile, outside of Ashley B’s house…

(to the tune of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Edvard Grieg)

Penny Bly, armed head to teeth with notebooks, cameras, lockpicks and chicken liver and onion omelets (hey, a person gets hungry) crawling from one bush to the next, from one tree branch to the next, sang aloud to a theme song she cooked up for herself just a few hours earlier, as she got closer and closer to her target destination:

“I was born to chase a lead,

I’m a sly, sneaky stead.

Except I’m not a horse

But you must know what I mean!

At the paper office, yes

Where I work, but I digress

I expose, dirty lies,

That harm democracy!

Call me smarmy, call me snitch,

Call me a dirty, rotten bi…Stitch

Cool it, dude, I’ve got the ‘tude to blow up this whole sitch!

So I’m slimy, all alone,

I’ll be read, tome to tome

I’ll win ya over, like Augustus won over Rome (I’m smart, see?)

Love isn’t shared, it’s earned

Got no wings? Just twist and turn

Be the one to spoil the fun and laugh as it all burns!

This is it, this my chance, this my moment to entrance

Fear the truth? No, Fear the sleuth

Penny’s gonna dance!

Fear the truth, no, fear the sleuth,

Penny’s gonna danceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

And just as she finished singing, she swung from one branch, missed the next, and smacked into the mirror, smearing over it as Ashley A drank her diet coke sadly.

Despite the pain, she still managed to cheer for herself. ‘Yay… Penny’s number one, baby…’

Fainting onto the ground, Penny quickly got up and set up her spy equipment, starting off with a simple listen in from the window. ‘Let’s see what our sound quality is like…’, she muttered, straining her ears. Unfortunately, she could barely make up any words, unless Ashley A had had a stroke, of course, and had said ‘Flicka bliga smagga wagga ding dong’.

‘I guess it’s not very… Sound.’, Penny joked, suddenly pushing a button on her boombox, which played a laugh track. ‘I told her it was a SOUND investment!’, she quipped again, pushing the button once more. ‘Yep, worth every PENNY.’, she joked one last time, before slapping herself with a hand puppet made of mops. ‘Penny, this is serious! Focus on your mission!’, she imitated a gruff voice, before saluting. ‘Aye aye, captain.’, she narrowed her eyes, and tiptoed towards the other side of the house, searching for a ladder to climb onto the window.

While she did that, the two other Ashley’s finally arrived from very different car atmospheres: Ashley T was sent off with a drawing of a rabbit’s foot, her mother buried knee deep in astrology magazines while her father kept turning the key the wrong way to stop the car. As she simply rolled her eyes at her parents interesting interpretation of human thought, stepping off carefully so as to not get any mud on her sea foam green dress (she was told to dress very importantly for the challenges), she took note of the other arriving car, hoping it was Ashley Q being fashionably late too. It would make them similar, and for reasons Ashley T just couldn’t yet truly comprehend, that would make her giggly for the rest of the evening.

Ashley Q had nothing to feel giggly about, however. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, the cold metal momentarily sending a chill through her palm, she felt nothing out of the ordinary. After all, this was the sensation she felt every second spent with these people. Her father, a rigid wall of muscle that couldn’t be moved by Zeus himself, slowly parked the car and refused to turn his face to her, as did her mother, who was about the most elegant and esteemed company one could hope for, akin to meeting a nymph. Ashley Q had to take people’s words for it.

‘...Well, I’ll be going…’, Ashley Q started, only for her father to do that gruff cough which meant “Listen up, child”, and so, she reluctantly froze, awaiting the inevitable scolding.

Her mother started, still refusing to turn, the shadows of their “concern” the only visual spared for Ashley Q. ‘You spend far too much time partaking in such trivial pursuits, daughter.’

‘Quite.’ her father agreed, gripping the steering wheel like it was made of play-do. ‘You’re a growing girl. You need to start thinking of your future in Armbruster Reality. COO is a serious position. It requires commitment and effort. Qualities you lack in spades.’

Ashley Q bit her lip. This was no unusual thing. In fact, if Ashley T ever let herself notice the girl’s lips more, she would have noticed the scar that had developed by now from years of biting. Opting not to speak, Ashley Q simply nodded.

‘Tomorrow, we expect you up for a tour at 5:30 sharp.’, Mrs. Quinlan coldly stated, Mr. Quinlan nodding slightly.

Ashley Q balked at this, however, her fighting spirit unable not to protest. ‘Ah… What? It’s Saturday tomorrow! And Armbruster Reality doesn’t open until 8:00!’

The death grip her hand suddenly received made her bite her tongue this time instead, drawing just a spot of blood. There was no light behind the eyes that stared her down, but that wasn’t news to Ashley Q. ‘We can always drive home.’, her father “gently threatened”, and Ashley Q shook her head, fear flaring up in every hair on her body. ‘I… Don’t know what came over me, father. I’ll follow your orders.’

‘You better.’, was the chilling response.

Stumbling out of the car, Ashley Q nearly ruined her sky blue dress, the wet grass in Ashley B’s yard shedding dew tears onto the hems. She breathed deeply, trying to ignore how they ignored her by leaving without so much as a goodbye.

Suddenly, she felt the presence of a hand in front of her face, which instinctually made her flinch, until she realized whose hand it was. Soft and sweet, a chocolate milk brown swirl that was as natural and soothing as mother earth’s proudest lands. But it wasn’t natural enough… It wasn’t the way things were meant to be…

Ashley Q reluctantly took the hand, and did everything she could to ignore the electric sparks bursting from every fingertip shared with Ashley T. If she did notice, she would burn like a forest fire, and then perhaps no one, not even her parents, could douse her down to reality.

‘Literally schway evening, huh, Ashley Q? Perfect for an Annual Ashley Sleepover!’, Ashley T cheerfully greeted, unable to contain her joy at seeing the ginger trendsetter.

Ashley Q, unable to uncontain her joy at seeing the bashful brunette, directed all her resentment and frustrations at Ashley A, the girl ruining her one escape from life. ‘That depends on Ashley A, doesn’t it?’

Ashley T gulped, nodding quietly. ‘I’m sure B’s plan will work.’

Ashley Q would have liked to be certain. But right now, she was experiencing the only thing worse than falling into hell: Falling into hell and not knowing if there’s a level below.

‘Come on. Let’s make sure B’s just paranoid.’, Q expressed, and she and T silently walked towards the house, hands begging to touch again but ripped away by the nature of their forms.

‘Dingggg, donggggg, dinggggg, donggggg… Dinggggg, donggggg, dinggggg, dongggggg…’

The door was swiftly opened, but not by Ashley B. It was instead Ashley A, who beamed uncontrollably at her friends, a necessary lighthouse in the storm that was building in her mind’s eye. ‘Girls! SOOOOOO schway to see you! Totes da bomb! Ooh, you are lookin’ hella fine! No one told me there was gonna be a dress code.’, she enthused, then chuckled in embarrassment, feeling very out of place in her casual “Hello Kitty” pink Tee and comfortable brown skirt. Was this not a slumber party?

Ashley Q ignored her spiel, walking right past her to talk to Ashley B in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Ashley T offered her an awkward smile, knowing full well what was about to happen. ‘Yeah, um, it’s just part of Ashley B’s plans!’

‘Ashley B seems really excited about all this. You think it’s gonna be our best crunk of the year so far?’, Ashley A asked excitedly, eyes sparkling, and Ashley T decided to let her have this moment at least. ‘Yeah, I’m… Literally sure.’, she lied, hoping against hope that Ashley B was wrong, since she already wanted to apologize to Ashley A for all that was about to transpire.

Alas, it was too late. Out of the kitchen stepped Ashley B and Q (the former signaling T to join), the three Ashley’s now looking quite a bit more… Important than Ashley A, who was feeling sillier and sillier just in her casual clothes. It didn’t help that B’s mansion was so enormous, with wide open spaces. It was as if the far away walls wouldn’t even close on Ashley, so unimportant she was.

Standing in a row in front of her, the three Ashley’s slowly raised a CD player and put on “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. Ashley A would normally have instantly begun dancing to the hypnotic beat, but she could feel that this was a solemn moment, and stood still, growing increasingly anxious about all this pomp and circumstance.

‘Ashley Armbruster the second, present yourself to the rest of the club, please.’, Ashley B commanded, voice brimming with authority. For a moment, Ashley A had thought her own mother was speaking. Walking up to the three, she awkwardly presented her clothes and sheepishly grinned. ‘Um, present! Not as… Prim and proper as I’d prefer, but…’

‘Ap, ap, ap.’, Ashley B silenced her with a finger to the lips, before snapping her fingers to order B and T around. The duo snapped (ha) into action and raced to the side cabinet, which had the landline phone atop its white and green doily, and by the sunflower vase. While they did this (well, Ashley Q did, Ashley T was already gasping for air), Ashley B stared down at Ashley A, and while the former was the same height as the latter, somehow, Ashley A felt like a dwarf next to her.

‘You must be wondering what all this is about, aren’t you?’, B whispered, perhaps enjoying this position of power a little too much. Ashley A definitely thought it was odd how much fun B was having when all she had done so far was act weird, but she decided to play along. It wasn’t like she had a clue what was going on, anyway. ‘Totally.’, Ashley replied, hand reaching out towards a recently laid bowl of creme savors.

B slapped her hand away, making A gasp and kiss her pain away. ‘Owie! What was that for?!’, Ashley protested, startled at the attack. ‘That’s not very stylish, or…’

‘On the contrary, dear Ashley! This is all ABOUT beauty, style, and attitude! Specifically, yours!’, Ashley B explained loudly and enthusiastically, waving an umbrella around like a cane as the landline phone was placed next to the slightly less confused fashionista. She was starting to realize what was going on.

‘Oh no… Are you still… Unsure of my loyalty to the Ashley’s?’, Ashley A asked, tears stinging her eyes. Half because they didn’t trust her… Half because she knew they truly couldn’t.

‘Oh, it’s FAR more complicated than that!’, Ashley B seemed to reassure, which made Ashley feel better. She really didn’t wanna stain the gorgeous cashmere carpet with her tears. B put an arm around her, allowing her just a little bit of human contact before the trials began. ‘You see, we just think that an organization like ours should be extra sure after a SCANDALOUS disaster such as “Purple Day”, don’t you, Ashley A?’

Ashley A gulped, unable to deny the concept proposed by B. ‘I… I suppose…’, she stuttered, fingers shaking in fear. Wasn’t this supposed to be just a fun lil sleepover?

As if to answer her question, Ashley B continued speaking of the plan. ‘Now, now, we’ll get to the fun parts soon enough, I promise. After all, if you have nothing to hide, truly, then this should be a walk in the park, no?’

Ashley A again had to agree with B, and she nodded obediently. Only problem was she DID have something to hide. ‘But, um, if I may… What makes you think that… That I still need to prove myself? I kinda thought I already did.’, Ashley nervously laughed, wishing this was a dream, wishing she could just wake up and it was Purple Day again and she could start all over…

‘I don’t think you need to!’, Ashley T spoke up, only to get death glares from B and Q. Yiping, she contradicted herself, nodding her head and shaking her hands. ‘That is, um, I’m like the judge of a hot boy contest featuring the Backstreet Boys: Undecided!’

B explained her reasoning, as the phone cabinet wheeled closer and closer to A. ‘Oh, it’s VERY simple, Ashley. We DO want to believe you, but there are still a few odd loose ends that make us want to be extra sure. You know how high our standards are. We cannot afford any weak points, can we?’

Once more, Ashley A agreed, ignoring how terrible she felt inside. She wasn’t weak, she just liked Gretchen, that’s all! She could be both! ‘I can be both, damn it!’, she thought, but B had an ace in the hole to make sure she complied with the challenges.

‘Besides, just yesterday we were all quite surprised when we walked into your room and found Menlo playing the dollar store version of you.’, B hissed in her ear, and now Ashley A knew she had no choice. She had to do this, she had to pass this, or else her friends wouldn’t love her anymore!

‘...I have nothing to hide. I’m an Ashley, through and true. Like, talk to the hand, because this girl ain’t leavin’ anywhere!’, Ashley pumped herself up, hoping it would at least lower some of the pressure.

Ashley B certainly seemed to deem it an acceptable answer, glare noticeably lowering a bit. Nodding at Q and T, the two finally handed the phone to Ashley A, who was confused. ‘So, um, do you want me to order pizza, or…’, Ashley started, making everyone laugh. ‘I see your humor hasn’t been lost, at least.’, Ashley B grinned, shaking her head. ‘Of course we’d give you a harder challenge than that! Plus, don’t you remember what we use the landline for?’

Ashley A’s eyes glinted as she flashed back to the picture of her and Q in her locker, realizing what they were implying. Despite herself, a small sinister smile grew. She was STILL Ashley A, after all. ‘Oh, you want me to prank call someone? Wow, like, that’s literally soooooooo funny! You really had me going, guys! I could do this in my sleep!’, Ashley bragged, spinning the receiver like a plate in a circus. Eyes closed confidently, she whistled as she hovered over the numbers (of course, she had memorized every phone number in her class). ‘So, like, who are we gonna mess with? Sue Bob? Cornchip Girl? Oh, oh, how about we do Spinelli? It’s been ages, and she really isn’t that smart, after all, unlike me.’, Ashley A cockily sniggered, slipping back into bad habits. Perhaps it was the relief. This WAS going to be the usual Ashley business, and in a way, she missed it a little. Plus, she wasn’t actually hurting anyone she liked (like Gretchen) or was culpable in her recent deceptions, like…

‘Menlo. I think Menlo would be a FABULOUS candidate, don’t you, Ashley Q?’, Ashley B’s smirk could have peeled off the paint on every wall. Ashley Q nodded, adding ‘Literally the best freak for the job, isn’t he, Ashley T?’. Ashley T, still a little guilty about all this, flashed two thumbs ups and hoped those sufficed as an agreement.

Ashley A’s heart dropped like an elevator allergic to heights. The color drained from her cheeks and lips. Somewhere out there, her mother was tutting in disappointment, sensing her genes tainted by slightly less attractive fellow members.

Pointing at the phone weakly, mouth so dry she could just about cough out the letters, she wheezed ‘M…Menlo?’

‘Yes, M…Menlo!’, Ashley B mocked, earning a snide laugh from Ashley Q and a forced one by Ashley T. The de facto leader tapped the numbers for Ashley A, who had frozen for some reason. ‘Why not? Menlo isn’t exactly winning any popularity contests with us. He’s not exactly a cover star on “Seventeen”, is he?’

Ashley A obviously agreed, but her hesitation came from a different area. ‘I just mean, do we HAVE to? He’s such an EASY target! Like, BO-RING ville called, they want your target, heh heh. Why not go for someone far less vital to my plans I MEAN BORING like, um… Gelman!’, Ashley tried, but B sneered. ‘No one CARES about Gelman, Ashley A!’

Somewhere out there, Gelman cried into his pillow again. But he’s not important to the story, so we move.

Patting her shoulder with glistening honey nails, Ashley B buzzed around Ashley A, pestering her to go on. ‘Come on, Ashley A, this is in your BLOOD. I thought you said we had nothing to worry about? I thought you said you’re full Ashley, all the time?’

‘I am, I am!’, Ashley A insisted, getting a little angry for a moment. Just because she liked Gretchen didn’t make her any less of an Ashley.

‘Then it shouldn’t be hard to prank Menlo, right?’, Ashley B posited, and Ashley A, after a moment, nodded resolutely. Not like she liked him, after all. Plus, what did she have to do? Tell him she might let him carry her books if he did something menial like her homework?

But as she began dialing the numbers, Ashley B chose this inopportune time to call the challenge, in order to REALLY test her allegiance. ‘It’s SOOOO simple, Ashley A! You just have to call Menlo and flirt with him and ask him out for tomorrow!’

Ashley A could have died on the spot. In fact, she might have for a moment. She was sure she could see a bright light, and a bearded figure scratch his head, going ‘Hey, you’re not due another 90 something years!’

When she shook her head back to reality, she found herself growing even paler (unfortunately, she couldn’t enjoy how that matched her nightwear). Gulping, Ashley A tried to find some sort of excuse to get out of this for now, just to plan ahead a bit, but by the time she swallowed the lump in her throat, the voice on the other line responded. ‘Menlo residence, Menlo speaking. Files filed, numbers sorted, misdemeanors alphabetized. Would you like me to write down a message?’

Ashley B snickered evilly, rubbing her hands in glee. ‘Oh, this is perfect! He’s SUCH a dweeb! Come on, Ashley A, clown him!’

Ashley Q nodded vehemently, desperate to see someone who wasn’t herself suffer right now, while Ashley T kept herself busy with the spray candy (which definitely didn’t tick off the hungry Ashley A).

Ashley A gripped the receiver, stuck between a rock and a hard place. She didn’t like Menlo, not one bit. He was weird, a little creepy sometimes, and definitely far too obsessed. He was also a dry, boring, lifeless loser with no style, who unlike Gretchen, was also kind of a jerk to others. Hadn’t he worked with Randall one time?

But Menlo had never ACTUALLY hurt her. Never went too far, never forcibly held her hand, never took no for a yes. He was in love, yes, but he wasn’t a stalker, nor a harasser. At worst, he had flirted a lil much. Plus, he had actually helped her out with this whole mess. He hadn’t ratted her out, too, apparently.

‘But none of that matters right now, does it? Right now it’s pranking Menlo… Or losing the Ashley’s.’, Ashley A realized, and if she was honest, there wasn’t much thought needed after that.

Still, her hand shook as she answered the phone. ‘Like, um, hi, Menlo! Sup, you fine… Thing you?’, Ashley sputtered out, already feeling noxious just saying such things to Menlo. Why couldn’t he be a different boy, like… ‘Well, I’m on the spot, I’m sure I could think of someone else later.’, Ashley muttered to herself in denial.

‘Ashley? Ashley A? Is that you? My, you sure sound different! You almost sound glad to talk to me!’, Menlo replied, making the other Ashley’s laugh. Ashley A uneasily joined them, but slower, less inclined to. ‘I was sure you’d be angry after…’

Ashley, panicking, interrupted him with an alarmed and all too loud ‘Moi? Angry? You straight? I’m just fiendin’ to yap to a… Handsome guy such as yourself.’ It was ridiculously hard to say all that, but Ashley figured it was like removing a bandaid. The faster she got it done, the faster she could finish crying.

‘Are you okay? You’ve never called me handsome before. Not that I’m complaining! Just… I was kinda starting to lose hope that you’d ever like me.’, Menlo sadly recounted his earlier feelings, making Ashley want to bite something. ‘You’re telling me I was THIS close to ditchin’ your whack ass… I mean, um, heh heh, of course not! In fact, this entire, um, experience outside of the Ashley’s has made me realize how it’s time I took the next step and, you know… Found a boy toy to call my own.’, she cringed at every syllable, eyes pleading Ashley B to cut her torment, but Ashley B mouthed ‘Go on’, and so, she did.

‘And you’re telling me because…’, Menlo asked, confused. You could hear his eyebrow raise all the way from there. Ashley A face palmed, groaning in anguish, nails scratching her cheeks by accident. This was like nails on a chalkboard! Why couldn’t this idiot just get it so this could END?!

‘Ha ha… Yes, well, you see, when a girl calls a boy and tells him she’s down for some dating action, that usually means something, feel me?’, she muttered through gritted teeth, whispering ‘GET. A. HINT.’

‘...Oh, I think I get it!’, Menlo announced, prompting more laughter. Ashley, sighing in relief, smiled tiredly at Menlo, after what felt like the longest conversation of her life. ‘Yay me. That’s a relief. Thank you, Menlo.’

‘You want ME to find a suitable boyfriend for you! I’ll admit, I wish I was a candidate, but I commend both your cold efficiency and your initiative! After all, I know everything about everyone in school!’, Menlo congratulated her, already sifting through heavy sounding folders that smacked down on his desk like bombs. ‘Let’s see, Lawson’s available, as is King Bob if you wanna try an older boy. Oh, T.J., that could be pretty spicy!’

Ashley’s heart pounded like a tin drummer, and her eyes set on fire. If tone of voice could kill, Menlo and his entire block would be six feet under. ‘NO, YOU LAME ASS CRUSTER! I WASN’T ASKING YOU TO FIND ME A BOYFRIEND, YOU WHACK FART KNOCKER!! I, ASHLEY AMBRUSTER JR., AM ASKING YOU, TAYLOR MENLO, IF YOU’LL BE SMART ENOUGH TO BOUNCE WITH ME FOR SOME ICE CREAM, ON THE REAL! NO PSYCHE! NO NOT! YOU BOUT IT, HOMIE?’, Ashley screamed, louder than she had perhaps in her entire life, spitting venom at the receiver. It was a miracle it didn’t melt from the concentrated resentment lacing every word.

A long silence followed, as Ashley caught her breath, the other Ashley’s did all they could not to burst out laughing too loudly and ruin the prank, and Menlo analyzed the rant.

‘...So what you’re saying is that you wanna go on a date tomorrow?’

‘FUCK!!!!’, Ashley screamed again, prodding the phone with her finger even though it couldn’t actually hurt Menlo. ‘YES, MENLO, I’M DOWN FOR A DATE TOMORROW, OKAY? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GUCCI, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME! I THINK YOU’RE STRAIGHT UP BANGIN’, AND I’D DIE TO SHOW YOU WHAT LIPSTICK BRAND I USE!’

Menlo, now definitely blushing, stammered into the phone ‘I’m not dreaming, right? I wish you could pinch me.’

‘I WISH SO TOO, HOTTIE! SEE YOU THEN! I’M SO HAPPY YOU SAID YES! SO SO SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! BOOYAH!’, Ashley finished raving, smacking the phone down and fainting on the floor, breathing heavily, as the other Ashley’s fell on the floor too, from uncontrollable laughter, except for Ashley B, who took the time to snap a few pics of that meltdown before joining in the laughter pile.

‘That was so worth it! That was the funniest thing ever!’, Ashley T admitted, spitting out floss.

‘Did you hear him? He actually things this is happening! Oh, that’s gonna be SOOOOOOOO rich!’, Ashley T guffawed, holding her sides.

‘Oh, yes, now THAT was a classic Ashley prank! I bet you enjoyed that just as much as we did, right, Ashley A?’, Ashley B asked, tears in her eyes.

Ashley A had tears in her eyes too, but she had to pretend they were from mirth. Wiping them, she giggled ‘Yeah… Yeah that was, um, that was some real Ashley shit right there, huh?’

Never mind that Ashley had never had to be forced to do a prank before. Never mind that it never involved this much commitment. Never mind that they actually informed the prankee they were being pranked. It didn’t make some of the nasty pranks she had made okay, but still. This was different. This wasn’t… Fun.

Not even for her, at least.

Still, a wave of relief coursed through her, as she sat down next to the table. ‘Okay… That was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But hey, I passed the challenge, right?’

‘Yes, indeed, Ashley A, you did.’, Ashley B congratulated, offering her a polite smatter of applause, as did Q and T. Ashley A beamed. It was worth it for this. ‘Yay! I did it! Now can we get this party started?’, Ashley asked, reaching towards a creme savor, only to get her hand slapped away again. ‘Owie!’, Ashley cried, again kissing her hand, while B shook her head. ‘Oh, no, Ashley A, there are 3 more challenges.’

‘3?!’, Ashley asked, aghast and dismayed. ‘Why 3? What do I need to do to…’

‘Do you want to bring things back to normal or not, Ashley A?’, Ashley B demanded, casting a shadow with her disapproval. There was something about her anger there that felt… Too real.

Ashley A gulped, legitimately scared, and she nodded like a good girl. ‘Yes… More than anything.’

‘Good. Then you’ll do what we say. Friends do that.’, Ashley B reminded her, and Ashley A nodded in agreement, following her friends up the stairs to the next challenge.

But as she got bathed by their stiff, lifeless shadows, she couldn’t help but wonder if Gretchen would agree with this.

 

Back at Gretchen’s house, things were definitely a little odd too. Perhaps that was unfair to feel, Gretchen mused, as she saw her friends all listen attentively (sort of) as she explained what she was currently working on. After all, this was a good thing, no? Her treasured companions were taking a vested interest in the area most central to her core, her love of science, of inventing, of logic and numbers and facts. Could her anxiety addled brain REALLY find a negative here?

‘...Of course it can.’, Gretchen sighed to herself, as she tightened a screw on her, ha, pet project. She chuckled as she made a mental note to make that pun next to Ashley. It would make her do that rolling giggle, and she found it aesthetically pleasing, for reasons she was not yet ready to face.

But that momentary joy concerning her secret friend was soon replaced with the growing worry concerning her not secret friends. Something just felt OFF, and Gretchen couldn’t deny her curiosity any longer. They had rarely ever spent time in her room, and even then it was usually to play a board game or plan out one of T.J’s harebrained heists. Could Spinelli call to mind her wallpaper’s color? Did Gus appreciate her alphabetized book case? Had Vince ever noticed the hoop over her wastebasket, which was meant as a gesture of solidarity over their different interests?

‘Nice hoop, Gretch.’, Vince complimented, tossing a juice box into it.

‘Oh. Okay, point in his favor. But still.’, Gretchen scrunched her forehead, as if to shut down her unnecessary fears, but she just couldn’t. She had to figure this out now. After all, if she was this committed to crazy plans involving secret motivations, how likely was it that her closest friends in the world weren’t capable of that?

Welding the collar tighter onto the machine, then making sure the springs in the legs worked, Gretchen employed some subtlety, and asked, almost absent mindedly ‘Sorry this is taking so long, guys.’

Her friends were mostly quick to reply (she was pretty sure T.J. had fallen asleep for a moment). ‘Oh, what, no, of course not! We wanted to see you at work for once!’, they all answered in unison, which was frankly even more telling. They were individual voices bonded by common goals, not sheep in a herd. Gretchen squinted, stepping back from the table to continue her unfortunately necessary experiment, though the mounting evidence was beckoning her rage. ‘I see. Say, T.J, Gus? Could you assist me momentarily?’

T.J’s eyes widened like a cartoon coyote being notified of the existence of gravity, while Gus suddenly felt as small as usual. The two exchanged worried glances, the kind that spelt “This wasn’t in the plan”. Gretchen knew those well. She and Ashley had probably exchanged those thrice a chapter. That is, day. Whatever.

‘Um, sure, Gretch! What do you… What do you need?’, T.J. asked, a crooked awkward smile gracing his lips. One could tell the boy didn’t know how it felt to be out of control. It must have been disorienting. Right now, though, Gretchen didn’t care for the turbulence being experienced on Air Detweiller. His passengers would have to toughen up.

Unfolding one of her diagrams, Gretchen pointed at the heel of the contraption. ‘Well, see, I think I need to tighten the bolts here, and for that, I need my Torque Wrench. Specifically blue#37. It’s inside my emergency toolbox, which is inside that closet over there. Could you two fetch it for me? I would myself, but I still need to program the self awareness. If it’s too defined, it won’t be its own person… Robot. You know what I mean.’

Despite herself, there was the tiniest satisfied smirk at T.J and Gus’ clear confusion. ‘I’ve felt so bad for lying these last few weeks. I might as well share that feeling if they’re so loose on the truth too.’

‘Oh, um, sure thing, G!’, T.J saluted, while Gus nodded so hard he got dizzy. ‘We can do that! You mentioned it just today, right?’

‘7 times, yes.’, Gretchen muttered from her stiff chair, hunched over the keypad, back straining. How she wished for better back support. But that would be spending money on non essentials.

‘Well, we’re on it!’, T.J and Gus said together, before taking a deep breath and venturing into the closet, where they found multiple tool boxes with no labels. Gulping, they began to sift through them.

Satisfied with the first part of her investigation done, Gretchen moved onto the next one: Removing the innocent member of the group. Gretchen didn’t need to be a genius to figure out Mikey would never willingly agree to deceiving her. But she was a genius, so it was clearer from the first second. His body language screamed “Guilty, unsure, miffed”. She appreciated it, to be fair. Meant that her friends were mostly well intentioned after all. But that didn’t mean she was going to take it easy on anyone but Mikey.

Sitting next to him on her bed (which was far too squeaky, but alas, cest la vie), she placed an arm around her ally in more ways than one. ‘You good, Mikey? Something bringing you down?’, she asked, while Vince and Spinelli behind her smiled awkwardly, trying not to give anything away, even if they were extremely curious about certain objects they could spot in the room.

‘Who, me? Oh, um, no! I’m just peachy! Heh, food pun, I’m into food, how fitting!’, Mikey lied. Badly. So badly it made Gretchen want to apologize to Ashley for all her criticisms. At least Ashley tried. Mikey couldn’t be sadder unless Santa turned out to be fake.

…She really had to acknowledge one day that she saw Santa Claus once. Perhaps when she wasn’t so busy gripping with unnecessary pre-teen drama.

‘Well, that’s a relief! I’d hate to think you were feeling upset, Mikey. After all, you’re probably the person I trust most. I would wanna repay that trust, you know?’, Gretchen laid it on a little thicker, but she still kept on the fakest innocent smile she could muster. Her pats made Mikey’s shoulders slump further and further, and for a moment, she got really worried for her bed’s condition.

But Mikey was easy to crack. It wouldn’t take much more to get him to either squeal or (more likely) run off to avoid squealing, which would make the next phase even easier.

Looking about as comfortable as a fly in a spider’s web, Mikey coughed and sputtered ‘Oh, um, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Trust. Yes. A key component in any relationship.’

‘Indubitably. Which is why I would trust you to tell me if you guys really want to do this science stuff this afternoon. I would hate to think my friends were feigning an interest just to make me feel better. I’m actually quite fond of the truth.’, Gretchen whispered, making Mikey squirm even more. He was a rat in a trap right now, and Gretchen was enjoying it a little too much. Perhaps she was taking on Ashley characteristics she wasn’t aware she had.

‘Of course, perhaps it’s not to make me feel better. Perhaps it’s something far more… Guileful.’, she pressed further, slowly raising a thesaurus Mikey had once gifted her. ‘Conniving. Duplicitous. Disingenuous. Underhanded. Unscrupulous. Furtive. Surreptitious. Skulky. Clandestine.’

Mikey was practically sweating enough to fill the grand canyon when Gretchen finished on ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire.’

‘I NEED TO BREATHE SOME AIR IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION FAR FROM HERE FOR TOTALLY INNOCENT AND NOT SNEAKY REASONS!’, Mikey announced, rushing out of the house and charging down the street, his footsteps echoing long after he left.

‘And then there were two…’, Gretchen narrowed her eyes, as she saw Spinelli and Vince exchange uncomfortable glances too. She had to figure out what was going on here, and she would. Even if it meant… Thinking less of her friends.

Setting up the final consciousness program onto her machine (and cursing that she couldn’t enjoy a nearly finished robot thanks to her friends incessant curiosity), Gretchen suddenly rubbed her belly audibly next to the duo. ‘Oh, Tesla’s tibia, am I STARVED. I sure you are too, after all this THRILLING science! How about I go downstairs and whip us some yummy trail mix?’, Gretchen raised her eyebrows, tracing their expressions for any hint of deception.

Spinelli, blushing from alarm at Gretchen’s behavior, made an uncomfortable face. ‘Don’t you have anything that doesn’t taste like a squirrel pooped in a pla…’

Vince suddenly elbowed her, blushing for all together different reasons. ‘Hey, it’s Gretchen’s house! I think she should select the snack!’

‘Why, thank you, Vincent. I’ll be right back! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!’, she winked, then stepped out onto the first step and walked in place quickly to make it seem like she dashed down the stairs.

Once she was sure they were sure she was gone, Gretchen went to a certain area of the wall next to her room, quickly listened in for the air pocket, and pushed gently, revealing an open chamber that led inside the walls of her house. ‘I guess there are some small benefits to a house that doesn’t live up to proper safety practices.’, she thought, squeezing inside to place her eyes where her framed poster of Einstein was. ‘Now, to see what my friends are up to.’

Suddenly, a terrible feeling reverberated through her chest, a cold chill that shook her bones. ‘I had to pretend to be myself when I lied about that trail mix. Am I losing touch with who I am?’

She had never been this grumpy with anyone, outside of her pest. Never been this deceitful, barring a plan that usually meant justice for the whole school. She was normally nice, kind, cheerful! She used to feel such joy at the moments shared with her friends! What happened? Was it the friendship experiment? Was it her lying? Was her need to keep it a secret leading to all this behavior? Whose fault was it truly?

Perhaps if Gretchen had been allowed more time to digest these complicated thoughts, she would have gone out there to confess, to explain, to try and fix things.

But before she could, Vince and Spinelli suddenly looked around, and spoke to each other when they thought they were alone.

‘I don’t know about you, but this is taking us nowhere. I say we search the room for clues. I bet you she wrote something.’, Spinelli exclaimed, and Vince snapped his fingers. ‘Of course! That notebook she’s been obsessed with! We find that, we find the problem!’

‘And then, we solve it!’, Spinelli rubbed her fist in her palm with unbridled glee, and the two began searching the room, unaware that two progressively betrayed eyes were watching.

‘I only lied to protect Ashley and to have a friend! A friend I’m more than allowed to have!’, Gretchen thought, turning red from all this… This betrayal! ‘But if they wanna “protect” me from being myself, then I’ve got just the ticket to teach them a lesson.’, she growled, going downstairs to fetch the trail mix, formulating a plot to catch them all red handed.

 

But if Gretchen thought she was suffering, she had no idea how bad Ashley A was having it. At least she got to act against her friends well meaning if selfish behavior. Ashley A was facing less (though not completely absent) well meaning actions, which were FAR more selfish, and without the benefit of even frowning about it.

Of course, Ashley A wasn’t as cognitively developed as Gretchen, to be honest. In fact, for all her bullying behavior, Ashley A ironically didn’t recognize bullying when it was directed towards herself.

Which is why, when she sat down on a pink chair in Ashley B’s positively beautiful room, littered to the brim with yummy snacks, boy band posters and exact copies of Ashley A’s room (just with a tea table set and yellow and black instead of pink), she afforded a false sense of security. Maybe the other challenges weren’t SO hard… Maybe she was just assuming the worst. ‘They’re STILL my friends, after all! They would never do anything to embarrass me!’, Ashley A closed her eyes confidently, attempting to sip her jasmine tea, only to get blocked from it again. ‘Ah, ah, ah!’, Ashley B wagged her finger like a disappointed pet owner, making Ashley A almost whimper in melancholy. ‘Not until after the challenges!’

‘Can’t I just have ONE creme savor? You KNOW they’re my favorites!’, Ashley A pleaded, hungrily eying the savor. Maybe she could just swipe one quickly, like a cat. She owned one, she could probably try.

But Ashley Q was quicker. She slapped her hand away the moment she reached forwards, the brash impact making Ashley A’s dorsum sting and turn red. Ashley A tried to comfort the hand, but Ashley B was already announcing the next challenge, clinking her rare beehive patterned tea cup with a spoon so golden it was blinding. ‘All Ashley’s be seated for the second challenge!’, she commanded, sounding direct and refined, every word chiming like polished silverware. For just a moment, Ashley A heard her mother in B, and she didn’t know if she was impressed, or offset by that.

Ashley Q was already seated, while Ashley T, bringing the object of the second challenge, bowed and presented it to Ashley B, chanting ‘Sporty, Ginger, Baby, Scary, Posh’ over and over like she was a priest reciting Latin verses in the 12th century AD.

Ashley A peaked from her chair (was it lower than the others?), and managed to catch a glimpse of one of the Ashley’s favorite games. ‘Girl Talk? Ooh, I love Girl Talk!’, Ashley A enthused, so much so that she actually shook her hands a little bit, like jazz hands.

Ashley B’s eyes were so glazed you’d think they were a honey donut. ‘Yes, of course you do, you’re an Ashley. For now.’

The sentence was delivered so blase that Ashley A felt a genuine chill ride down her spine. Ashley B had been suspicious and rageful before, but never to this extent. How much had she messed up with this secret friendship thing? ‘Is it really worth all this?’, she worriedly thought, as B lifted the box lid and removed the cards and zit stickers, but, oddly enough, not the spinner.

As B began handing out cards to Q and T (but not A, of course) Ashley A couldn’t help but raise her hand, as if she was in class. ‘Um, Ashley B? How come you didn’t take out the spinner? And why are you sorting out the cards, they’re supposed to all be in one pile…’

‘Do you think I don’t know how this game works? Do you think I’m stupid, Ashley A? Do you think we’re all just dumb idiots who aren’t worth your time and energy?!’, Ashley B suddenly shouted, making everyone flinch. The crazed look in her eyes made Ashley A decide it wasn’t worth venturing further, so she instantly shook her head. ‘Literally the opposite of what I think! You’re stupid… Not!’

Ashley B seemed to accept this statement, so she cleared her throat and lifted her tea cup again, pinkie out. Q and T did as well, but Ashley A had been told not to lift her tea cup, so she just put her pinkie out and hoped with all her heart that was okay. ‘This is a… Special version of Girl Talk, designed specifically for this game.’

‘Ooh, c’est genial! That sounds very special! Thank you!’, Ashley A expressed politely, clapping her hands excitedly. Ashley B sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘Ashley A, this is a challenge to your all important position in The Ashley’s, not a prize on Wheel of Fortune. Try and take it seriously.’

Discouraged, Ashley A shrunk in her seat and nodded, feeling like a scolded cat. ‘Sorry.’, she whispered, looking around to see similarly disappointed expressions from Ashley Q and Ashley T (who were both enjoying their snacks of choice: Crazy dips mixed with fun dips and pop qwiz).

Satisfied with this showing of submissiveness, Ashley B began to explain the rules: ‘Me, Ashley Q and Ashley T each have a pack of question cards. You don’t get any, since they are all directed at YOU. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of removing the spinner. We’re not gonna need it.’

The cold words had their intended effect. Ashley A gulped, teeth nearly chattering from the very thought of being the only one subjected to these questions. Still, a small voice in the back of her head beckoned her to remain optimistic of her friends intentions. ‘Maybe they aren’t choosing the REALLY embarrassing ones! They wouldn’t make it THAT hard, you’re friends!’

As if Ashley B could hear that voice, she picked a card and read out in a far too relaxed voice ‘What is the most embarrassing thing to happen to you in front of a cute guy?’.

Ashley Q and T instantly ‘ooh!’-d, eating up the potential gossip, while Ashley A gaped and gawked, eyes nearly popping out of her skull (which would have been tres disgusting). ‘Wait… Wha… But… Are you sure…’, she mustered a lame protest, but the death stare from Ashley B was enough to silence her into co-operation. She would just have to grin and bare it.

The reason to her dismayed reaction was apparent only to B, though: See, while Ashley A had yet to find a single boy she truly deemed worthy enough to date her, she had a number of celebrity crushes, not to mention some directed to older kids in their block. One, a Zachary Tate that attended the high school a few blocks away, was a particular avenue of Ashley A’s affection. Tall, tanned and a smile that said ‘I’m bad, but in a good way, yo’, Zachary was exactly what Ashley pictured a future boyfriend of hers would be like. Naturally, a sophisticated lady such as herself could easily practice flirting with a boy 6 years her senior, so when opportunity came knocking one day (when Ashley A and B were downing fruit smoothies and he happened to walk into the store to order one of his own), Ashley A knew she had to take her shot.

But what happened after… It had haunted her nightmares for months.

Ashley A had never forgotten Ashley B’s actions that day. The way she instantly moved between her and Zachary, covering up any flagrant sights. The way she took charge and hid her away from prying, laughing eyes. The way she quietly and gently helped her out of the mess.

Those sympathetic eyes, eyes that were as reassuring as the words that came out of her mouth: “I swear I’ll literally never tell a soul what happened today, word is bond”, they had always come in the nick of time during that recurring nightmare, sweeping away the mortification Ashley A had felt that day, a crack in her heart that had healed into a tiny scar.

But now that scar was being opened, and Ashley A was gonna ruin her friend's fuzzy carpet with the gushing red that would flow from her stabbed heart.

‘I… Um… Well… It’s just…’, Ashley A kept on stuttering, face growing as red as the aforementioned gushing blood. How could she spit this out? No, no, she couldn’t, she just couldn’t! ‘The utter embarrassment! Ugh, this is the WORST DAY EVER!!!’, Ashley A cried out by mistake, and for once, she wasn’t exaggerating.

But Ashley B was having none of it, even if Ashley T and Ashley Q were growing a little concerned at the display of fear. Lifting a Zit Sticker (the punishment the game administered for skipping a dare), Ashley B wagged it like she was threatening a dog with a folded newspaper. ‘Do you WANT a Zit sticker? Do you WANT to make us think you’re hiding something? This is a challenge of your loyalty, of your dedication, Ashley Armbruster Junior! How can we call you our president if you can’t admit to a teensy little embarrassing moment? What kind of Ashley is scared to open up to her fellow Ashley’s?’, Ashley B lectured, each word dripping with venom. There was a fire in her now, perhaps a revealing one. Ashley A couldn’t help but wonder if she was still actually president of the Ashley’s.

But the shaming had worked. ‘I don’t want a zit sticker. I don’t want them to suspect me. I don’t want them to not trust me. I can be a part of the Ashley’s, I can! I’ll earn it!’, Ashley A motivated herself, clenching her fists super hard and puffing up her cheeks with air. She had to do this, she had to prove she can have both: The Ashley’s and The Gretchen!

Bravely facing all her friends, eyes open to their potential scorn, she slowly replied to the demeaning question: ‘I was at the smoothie place when… When Zachary Tate showed up.’

‘Oooh!’, Ashley Q and T echoed from before, seemingly forgetting how distressed their friend looked. The scent of juicy gossip was like blood to these henchwomen sharks.

Ashley A let that interruption pause her so she could gather any loose bits of strength. Then, mustering all her courage, she continued. ‘As I’m sure you all know, Zachary is the CUTEST boy in 6th Street High. He has schway hair and bangin’ blue eyes, and his smirk is oh so sex…’, Ashley A got sidetracked, admiring the features (though, if she was truly honest, she was more imagining an abstract body that happened to hold said features, rather than specifically Zachary. Oddly enough, the body was a little more feminine in nature, but Ashley A figured she was just missing a frame of reference for a male body. She’d need to look at some magazines when she was back home the next day). Ashley B snapped her fingers impatiently, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. ‘Stick to the dare, Ashley A. We have imaginations.’,

Ashley A sheepishly grinned, blushing for a different reason. ‘Sorry.’

Then, she blushed from shame as she narrated her tragic tale. ‘Well, anyway, he was there. And, logically, I thought he’d be a great test subject for my flirtations, you know, for the day I find a boyfriend worthy of my FABULOUS looks.’, Ashley A bragged just a little, small pleasures and all. Ashley Q and T nodded, both deeply in denial too, it seems.

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re top of the pops and shit, GET TO THE GOODS, SISTER.’, Ashley B demanded, slamming her hands on the table, and Ashley A yiped, leaped into the air, and finally continued. ‘Okay, okay! So, like, I walk up to him, all giggly and starry eyed, putting on my “honey voice”, you know the one, reserved for my one and only, when suddenly he actually stares back, I think it was after I said he had abs that could melt butter, but it may have been after I remarked that his lips were probably tired from kissing every girl at campus, doesn’t matter, anyway, I don’t think he even heard all those, because he turned to me, like I said, with those sparkling eyes, and he sort of like whips his hair, ugh, TOO MUCH, but I digress, he looked at me and said ‘Hey, little girl, you need something?’, all innocent like, I think he wasn’t aware that I was into him, how adorable is that, boys are so dumb, but point is, well, when he did that, he was really close to my face, he’s tall so he had to lean down after all, and I could see his eyes and lips and everything, as you can imagine that was a LOT to take in all at once, and I had just drank my third smoothie, and I was honestly a little nervous as it was because I still haven’t practiced flirting that much, and, well, you see, um, one thing led to another, and, well, um…’

Ashley’s rant screeched to a halt as she grew redder and redder, not to mention smaller. Shrinking even further into her seat, Ashley A dared look up, and felt the walls closing in, their blaring yellow black colors spinning and spinning in derision, as if she was trapped in a spinning carousel and all the kids were laughing as she felt queasy, just like she did that day. Ashley Q and Ashley T held eager and curious looks, baring deep into her soul, but it was Ashley B’s eyes that truly made Ashley A hush up.

Because those eyes, once so sympathetic and kind, were now as dark and hollow as the inky night that swallowed her up every time she awoke from her nightmares.

‘Yes, Ashley A? What DID happen then? Do enlighten us.’, Ashley B enunciated in an excruciatingly slow way, despite knowing what happened. Maybe because she knew. Either way, she sipped her tea and grinned in anticipation, awaiting the dirt.

And Ashley A didn’t need to be reminded of the punishment for not co-operating. Swallowing the last remains of her pride, she choked out ‘And then… I vomited.’, before hiding her face in her trembling hands, hot tears running down her cheeks, smearing her makeup.

Despite this entire parade of apathy before her, Ashley A couldn’t help the minuscule and hopeful feeling that maybe, just maybe, her friends would be sympathetic to her pain. Maybe even feel bad for what she went through. Who wanted to throw up in front of their crush, after all? No, they had to understand! ‘They have to!’

I’m sad to say that the obvious did indeed happen.

‘SCANDALOUS!’, Ashley B, Q and T all chorused, clinking their tea cups and laughing up a storm, laughing and laughing and laughing for so long that Ashley A wondered if she was going deaf. The giggles rolled on and on, echoing in the halls of her mind, stored away for eternity. As long as she lived, she would never forget this moment, where she had felt truly alone, despite being surrounded by her bestest friends.

And then, Ashley Q lifted a card.

There was more.

There was so much more.

But Ashley A couldn’t say anything. She could only hang her head in shame, like a prisoner at death row, and silently pray that it wouldn’t hurt nearly as hard as this.

All the while, Muffin (who had been watching from above, unable to intervene without hurting her mama), tired of this crap, slinked away to the Grundler’s, deciding only a genius could help now.

And Penny? She was listening in to every word, impatiently awaiting the opening to bust open this scheme once and for all.

 

Poor Ashley M. She was an Ashley, which meant she wasn’t exactly much for running, or jumping, or really any physical activity. Normally, the very thought of exerting her body would have been enough to make her crawl back into bed and pretend no such concept existed.

But Ashley A, her owner, her friend, her mama… Needed her. Now more than ever. No one else could save her from the twisted game Ashley B had set up.

And so, with a heavy heart (and heavier lungs), Ashley M scaled brick walls and careened down them like she was in a marathon, ignoring how her entire body was on fire. ‘Ugh… Why… Can’t… They… Be… Neighbors?’, the kitty panted out in exhaustion, wiping sweat off her brow with her paw, as she forced her legs to keep moving despite it all.

The afternoon was slowly turning into evening. The moonlight was her only guide through this dark, lonely path. ‘Thankfully, they say cats have excellent night vision!’, Muffin smirked, peering through the night to see what she could, well, see.

…

‘Whoever said that should be taken out to the street and shot.’, the feline sassed, rolling her yellow eyes in derision. Now she’d have to climb every tree in every yard just to look in a window and see if she recognized the room Ashley A had brought her once. ‘At least the memory thing is true. A cat never forgets!’, she exclaimed proudly, only to squint in uncertainty. ‘Or was that an elephant? I forget.’

Thankfully, Muffin wasn’t gonna shatter any more myths about cats, like not falling on her feet, because the first house she tree scaled next to seemed to be the one! ‘Those are Gretchen’s friends, the ones Ashley said she loved to mock once! I wonder if she still doesn’t like them. Do we have to be nice to them like in-laws?’, she wondered, before chuckling and shaking her head. ‘I have to stop thinking like that. Why, the likelihood Ashley and Gretchen could be lesbians together are as high as me being lesbians with a… A dog!’

That silly notion brushed aside with a tail wag, Ashley M happily bopped side to side as she tip toed across the branch, practicing her runway strut. ‘One day, mama will take me to Milano. I have to look PURR-fect for my public!’.

However, she took a little too long, as suddenly, a Ruffed Grouse showed up, chowing down on the upper canopy of the aspen tree they were on. The bird slowly turned its head to her, and called out “pete-pete-peta-peta” to the cat.

Ashley M hackled up, hissed, whimpered a bit, and with her tail extra fluffy now, leapt for safety onto the window, thanking the lord that it was open…

Only to CRASH onto the chair next to Gretchen’s desk.

‘Woah! Did you hear something?’, Gus questioned from inside the closet, he and T.J somehow STILL searching for that wrench.

‘I think that was me. I dropped another tool box. How many does she HAVE?’, T.J questioned, voice echoing from inside the closet, as Ashley M slowly picked herself up and perked her ears at the speaking voices.

‘I guess they’re for different situations.’, Gus shrugged, finding a shoe box loaded with tools. ‘Hey, maybe it’s in this one.’

‘I hope it is. Pretty sure everyone went downstairs. I feel like I’m missing out on the action.’, T.J sighed, rummaging through the box, bumping into something, and dropping another three on the floor. ‘Oh man!’, he cried, growing miserable from this.

Ashley M snickered, tutting at the boys. ‘Oh, you’re missing out. I’m going to just waltz up to Gretchen and save my mama, and while you’ll be stuck in that closet being all loser and pathetic, I’M gonna get a nice fancy salmon dinner, with a side dish of cream! I’ll even get to watch the new episode of Baywatch! That Parker Stevenson is beach in beachin’. Get it, like bitchin’, but beach…’

Ashley M’s lil rant was unfortunately cut off by her walking straight into the door, banging her little head, screeching out in pain. Rubbing her head with her paw, she squinted in annoyance at the looming entry before her. ‘Now, isn’t that literally sooooo inconsiderate? Did no one think that a fancy cat such as myself might need to pass through and find Gretchen? No class, no class at all!’

Worse, Ashley M couldn’t reach the door on her own. She leapt up as high as she could, but the handle was tauntingly far away, teasing her. ‘Stop being so… So wooden! Don’t you know that wood is SOOOOOOOOO last Thursday! It’s all about being metal and close to my freakin’ paws! Ugh, whatEVER, I’ll find another way in!’, Ashley M screeched at the door in catspeak. She was lucky the door had chosen an elective in dogspeak instead, otherwise it would have smashed right into her.

Turning back to observe the rest of the room, Muffin tried to see if there was anything that could help her out. ‘Huh. Gretchen’s room is way emptier than Ashley’s. Where are all the necessities, like bean bag chairs, and mirrors, and plushies for me to talk to when I get lonely? Not even a 1 on the Ashley M room rating scale.’, Ashley M turned her nose up at the torrid place, only to spot Bearbert Bearstein, Gretchen’s secret teddy bear, peering from the corner of the bed, hidden as ever. Brightening up, Ashley M pulled him to her with her teeth and attempted to shake his hand. ‘A man of science! I could use your help, this is Ursa Major! See, I’m trying to help my mama, Ashley A? I’m sure you’ve heard of her. Tall, but all humans are. Pretty, but I’m sure you could tell considering her cat daughter, heh heh. But also deeply in the shit! Our fellow Ashley’s are being REALLY mean to her, which is SO WHACK! So, basically, in your professional scientific opinion, how can I open this stupid door? It’s being a REAL loser right now!’, Ashley M went on and on, pacing back and forth, her tail swishing in worry. Thanks to this, Bearbert got swiped at, and fell, head pointing towards the desk.

Ashley M, noticing this, smiled brightly and patted the bear on the head. ‘Thank you, doctor! Most helpful! I’ll recommend you to Barbshley next time she can’t pick a dress for date night!’

Resuming her strut from before, Ashley M swayed her head back and forth as she clawed her way up the stiff chair and then onto the desk. ‘Gee, she could get a comfier chair.’, she thought, only to gasp as she stared above her, accidentally recreating a scene from one of her mama’s new favorite animated movies, “Toy Story”. She wasn’t sure if she’d be proud of the coincidental pop culture reference or not, but her head was sort of packed with shocked thoughts and feelings.

See, Gretchen had sort of accounted for T.J. and Gus to be out of the closet (unlike her) by now, and she was so distracted by all the hullabaloo with her friends, that she sort of set her project up to turn on.

And it had happened to turn on the moment Ashley M was below it. Or, well, her.

Looking slowly side to side, the mechanical marvel analyzed the entire room, filing away important bits of information: The shelves were high and packed to the brim, so those books were precariously dangling over her owner’s head; the bed’s mattress’ springs were loosening, that could be a health risk; Why on earth were those two human males taking so long to find a simple wrench, when she could spout info on any kind of wrench from her built in database?

Clearly, her (A.K.A, Gretchen Grundler, A.K.A Doctor Grundler) had to be contacted, and right now. A laboratory couldn’t be littered with such lollygaggers!

‘Doctor Grundler, can you read me? Doctor Grundler? Why won’t she answer?’, the robot wondered aloud, her speech program sounding like an artificial Jadzia Dax from Deep Space Nine, as she began computing the most likely scenarios. But it was evening, so Gretchen couldn’t be at school, and she had just programmed her, so she was unlikely to be at a friend’s house. Was someone keeping her owner up from attending to her pet project?

Slowly turning around to observe the desk, the machine tutted, judging her owner’s messy workspace. ‘Someone could get hurt! I better fix this up once I find Doctor Grundler.’

Suddenly, a tiny screen popped out from near her eye, as she began to narrate, her ears perked up for any danger. ‘B.U.D.D.Y mission log, terrandate 30-01-98. My first few minutes activated have been nothing short of calamitous. My owner is nowhere to be found, her workspace is a health hazard, and according to my sensors, there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.’

‘Hello!’, Ashley M meowed a greeting, hoping this narration didn’t imply this thing was… Shudder… A geek.

‘HALT. UNKNOWN PRESENCE DETECTED. STATE YOUR OBJECTIVE AND ALLEGIANCE, OR FACE THE DEADLY STRENGTH OF MY ATOMIC BARK.’, B.U.D.D.Y growled, adopting an attack stance she was notified by her database was “threatening and quite cool”.

Ashley M yelped in fear, jumping up into the air, baring her claws. Shaking her head, she made herself look as small as possible to avoid classification as a threat. ‘I’m just Ashley A’s cat! Ashley M, A.K.A Muffin! I was just searching for Gretchen, it’s an emergency!’

B.U.D.D.Y’s metal ears perked up at the mention of her owner, and she adopted a less threatening stance. ‘Emergency, you say? I was born for those!’

Then, chuckling, she added ‘Well, not born, I’m a robot dog, I was MADE for those. But it felt a fitting expression.’

Ashley M tilted her head, utterly confounded by the… Thing before her. Never in her life had she spoken to a dog, let alone a robot dog. She knew dogs were scary and dumb, thanks to TV and magazines. Except puppies. Puppies were angels.

But this one hadn’t torn her to shreds for existing… Yet. So perhaps she was worth asking help for?

‘Well, um, see, I was just about to get Gretchen, but then this STUPID door got all lame and didn’t open! Which was LITERALLY SO NOT SCHWAY BY THE WAY!’, Ashley M hissed at the door, planning to leave a very nasty review of it to Gretchen once possible. How could Ashley A be friends with a girl who had such a lame ass door?

‘Schway? What is this Schway? I better add that to my database later.’, B.U.D.D.Y questioned, tilting her head like Ashley M did, assuming this was an action everyone just did. Suddenly, a notification popped up in her eyes, and she gasped. ‘Wait, did you say Ashley A?’

‘Yes, Ashley A. Duh.’, Ashley M rolled her eyes. ‘She’s only the most famous person on the planet.’

B.U.D.D.Y’s database only contained a few humans so far. Gretchen’s family, friends, favorite scientists.

Ashley A was part of that list, and marked as quite important. It seemed as if her owner valued this… Ashley A significantly. If the emergency concerned not just her owner, but her owner’s friend, then this required her services post haste!

‘There’s not a moment to lose, Ashley M! Here, I’ll open the door for you!’, B.U.D.D.Y rushed, leaping off the desk and rushing onto the door. Ashley M, gracefully landing onto the floor and grooming her fur, nodded agreeably. ‘Finally, some service! Pity it had to be a dog, but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.’

Ashley M was curious however as to how B.U.D.D.Y would open the door. ‘Say, um, canine? How exactly do you plan to…’

Suddenly, B.U.D.D.Y, standing right before the door, rose up from the floor onto the faraway handle, her legs springing up to make her 5 foot tall.

Ashley M’s jaw dropped as she gaped at the display of strength and cunning. As the door creaked open, B.U.D.D.Y turned to her new companion, and within a second, was back onto the ground with a tail wag. ‘Well, are you coming?’

Then, shaking her head, she apologized profusely. ‘Oh, where are my manners? Sorry, I was just made, well, today! I’m B.U.D.D.Y. It stands for Biometric Utility Dog Doubling Yokefellows! In short, I’m her buddy! Get it? Doctor Grundler is so clever.’, B.U.D.D.Y offered her cold metallic paw to Ashley M, who shook it, not feeling the cold stinging metal at all.

‘I’m… Less sure of my attraction to Parker Stevenson.’, she admitted, before blushing and going into denial. ‘I mean, um, what, no, I like men!’

‘...I like men too! They comprise 50% of Doctor Grundler’s inner circle! Speaking of her, we should really get to her! Lead the way, trusted feline!’, B.U.D.D.Y requested, standing at attention behind Ashley M, who gulped, still very red. ‘When I get back to Ashley A, she owes me two salmon. No one said I was gonna question my sexuality on this mission.’

 

And at the same time, back at Ashley B’s mansion, Penny Bly was going through her own mission complication. Specifically…

‘Nothing interesting’s happening!’, Penny protested from her vantage point, scrunched up inside the air vent that led into Ashley B’s room, the area covered up by a poster of Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in “Tomorrow Never Dies”. Penny had delicately cut out the eyes so she could look through, intending to glue those back on when she was done (she was a spy, not a vandal).

But did it matter? Her eyes had been spying this room’s occupants for ages, and nothing incriminating was happening! Sure, Ashley A had undergone numerous embarrassing questions and dares (“Without stumbling, hold your ankles and walk backwards 20 steps”, which thanks to Ashley’s known lack of fitness, led to her falling down over and over, eliciting more laughter; “Call the Cutest Guy In Your Class and Tell Him Jokes. He Has to Laugh Before You Hang Up on Him”, leading to ANOTHER humiliating phone call for Ashley A as she desperately tried to make Butch (she figured he was kinda cute? In a rugged way?) laugh, which was impossible, seeing as he was kind of a gloomy admirer of the macabre; “Stand On All Fours and Bark Like a Dog For 15 Seconds”, which was degrading enough, especially when Ashley far preferred cats, but she was pretty sure lasted 60 seconds actually; “Raid a Clothes Closet. Model the Tackiest Outfit You Can Put Together”, oh the horror, surely they knew how her second greatest fear was being mocked at a runway!; “Tell Each Player What She Does That Annoys You”, which somehow was the one card meant for the others to tell to Ashley A; and so on and so forth), but outside of some potentially embarrassing pics (which Penny was only going to resort to using if she was left with only blackmail as an option), she had nothing! Why, why did no one use a truth or dare card to get Ashley R over, or ask what was going on? Penny wasn’t against sadism, but surely it had to have a purpose beyond “Screw that person”?

Penny then recalled times she did just that.

‘All right, fine, but it’s still not helping me.’, she crossed her arms, sighing audibly. This momentarily alerted Ashley B, who looked over to her poster in curiosity, raising an eyebrow at the sudden sound.

Penny tensed up and froze, eyes flitting around in fear. If she was found out, she’d lose the gang’s trust AND potentially get humiliated herself! That was for Ashley A, not her! ‘I’m invisible, I’m nothing, I’m nobody…’, she whispered, repeating a well worn mantra, shaking and shivering and begging to survive.

Ashley B slowly neared the poster, inspecting it carefully, looking right into its eyes.

You could hear a pin drop. Penny bit her tongue and pinched her cheeks.

‘...Must have been these stupid vents. They’re not agreeing with your presence, Piercy. Too bad. I do.’, Ashley B flirted with the poster, batting her eyelashes seductively.

Penny sighed in relief, wiping her brow. ‘Phew! That was nearly a disaster!’

Then, because Ashley B was a 9 year old girl unaware someone was hiding behind her poster, the rich girl kissed the poster’s lips, pretending she could ever attain such importance… That is, of course she could, shut up.

Penny, growing green in her cheeks, rushed away from the vent to a safer area to hack and wheeze, spitting over and over. ‘Eww!!! Cooties, cooties, cooties!’

She took out her omelet and chewed it over to remove the taste of Ashley B from her lips. ‘Ugh, that’s better. Gosh. Whoever said a first kiss was an important milestone was in need of a brain transplant.’

Returning to her work, Penny suddenly heard the Ashley’s rush downstairs, which surprised her. What could the third challenge even be there? They’d already made her call people twice. Curious, she crawled through the vent to the kitchen area, muttering as she did. ‘For lazy rich girls that sit around all day in their stupid clubhouse, they sure like to move around during a sleepover. What happened to the sleep part? Not that I’ve ever been in a sleepover, but you know, I’m just making a healthy ass…’

And then, just like that, Penny suddenly fell through an unreinforced part of the attic and right onto the middle of the kitchen, just as the Ashley’s were finishing the trip down the stairs.

‘Umption!’, Penny finished as she screamed while falling, and now she had to stop herself from screaming for a different reason, because any second now her cover was blown! Desperately looking for an idea, Penny saw the Boulet’s kept a statue of Ashley A Sr. in their kitchen, rolled her eyes, mumbled ‘Not a brain cell to be found’, and did the logical thing, by standing next to it with a step stool and pretending to be a statue too.

Not a brain cell to be found for sure.

When the Ashley’s entered said kitchen, they all jolted, then stared suspiciously at the extra statue in the room. Penny, sweating bullets, tried her best not to blink. She won no blinking contests with her pet rat, she could win this… Right?

After a long and uncomfortable silence that made Penny make a mental note to check if she received long term cardiac issues from, an answer to her worries finally came. Ashley B tutted her tongue, shook her head, and turning to her friends, exclaimed:

‘I just don’t get modern art.’

The other three nodded and hummed in agreement, despite the four girl’s actual understanding of modern art being as voluminous as the amount of brain cells in the room.

Penny sighed in relief, loudly, making Ashley B turn around again. After another few tortuous seconds as a statue, Penny kept her relief to herself as the Ashley’s resumed their actual business: The Third Challenge.

‘For the Third Challenge, we require something most private of you, Ashley Armbruster.’, Ashley B lectured ominously, standing with her back turned to the girl, snapping her fingers at Q and T. ‘And so, I’ve decided Ashley Q and Ashley T tell you, because I’m not really in the mood, you know?’

Ashley Q and T, who weren’t exactly in the mood for this either but acquitted reluctantly, whispered in Ashley A’s ears what the challenge was.

Ashley A’s eyes widened, and her face flushed instantly. ‘I’m sorry, like, what do you wanna do with my literal UNDERWEAR?!’

‘Ashley A! A lady shouldn’t say such things out loud!’, Ashley B berated, wagging a scolding finger at her friend, as if she were her mother. ‘Just whisper them to keep the shame private! Jeez, you’d think you wanted the whole world to laugh at you, instead of just your best friends!’

Ashley A pouted, hanging her head in shame in habit by now, but still meekly protesting, wringing her hands in worry. ‘But… But… But why would I even WANT to freeze my underwear?’

Penny did all she could not to react to that. ‘Girl parties are so weird.’, she thought, wondering why they couldn’t just paint each other’s nails and gossip. That sounded a lot more fun in her opinion.

Ashley B sighed dramatically, sitting down on a chair Ashley Q and T quickly brought to her service, gesticulating to her best friend, even if that term felt a little ill fitting right now. ‘Ashley, this is a noted custom of teen girl sleepovers, which is our next big step on the road to being powerful and pretty woman. If you can’t freeze a pair of underpants, then how can you lead us into the big P: Puberty?’

Ashley shook her head and hands, trying to explain her case, as she felt her face get redder and redder, like a heatstroked tomato in a Clifford the Big Red Dog lookalike contest set on Mars. ‘No, no, I know that, duh! It’s just… Isn’t the prank supposed to be one of you doing that to me? Not me doing that to, well… Me?’, she asked, pointing at herself with both hands. What was this challenge even supposed to do, except demean her… ‘Oh, wait, yeah, that tracks.’

‘Exactly. Consider this challenge your punishment/test of will. You’ve shown commitment so far, but we need to know if this is the same Ashley A who would crawl through broken glass for us! Who would do anything for Ashley-kind!’, Ashley B explained, her eyes as fiery as her rhetoric, as she shook her fist in passionate display.

‘Um, I never crawled through broken…’, Ashley A started, but the dirty looks she received made her hush up. Nodding slowly, like a prisoner in death row, she trudged to her backpack (which she had left next to the table), deciding it was best to just get it over with. At least it couldn’t get much worse…

‘Oh, no!’, Ashley A suddenly cried, eyes flickering in fright, as she dug through her bag, tossing away her replacement PJ’s (in case of a stain) and concealed bag containing the Ashley R disguise. It had to be in there somewhere, between all the plushes and magazines and snack wrappers (she got hungry when she was anxious about her friends, okay?!).

‘Oh no what?’, Ashley B asked matter of factly, filing her nails, while Ashley Q and T shrugged at each other, legitimately confused. What was the holdup? Even Penny, as still as, well, a statue, craned her ears slightly to hear what was the hubbub.

Ashley A, voice growing anxious, held up her replacement black skirt and regular black jacket and called out without looking back ‘My underwear! I had changes of underwear right here! I always pack those!’

‘Must have forgotten. Too bad. Guess you’ll just have to use the ones you have on now.’, Ashley B waved her off with not an ounce of sympathy, resuming her nail grooming.

Ashley A was devastated. Penny was startled. Even Ashley Q and Ashley T found this perhaps just a little much. ‘Ashley B, are you sure? Maybe we can find a different challenge. There’s no need to…’, Ashley Q tried, chuckling to make herself sound less protesting, only for Ashley B to hit her with a death stare not dissimilar to her fathers. ‘Are you QUESTIONING my intentions? I crafted this plan SPECIFICALLY for Ashley A! So we can move past this, so we can finally be Ashley’s again!’

‘I know, I know, it’s just…’, Ashley Q panicked, trying to set things right again, but Ashley B growled and gripped her by the arm, hard. ‘Do you NOT want that?! Am I the only one that cares about US?!’

‘No, no! Of course not!’, Ashley Q trembled, fighting not to cry. Freeing her hand, she soothingly rubbed it, feeling sore from the grasp. ‘I… I was just thinking out loud. If you really think this is the way, then… Then I’ll do as you say.’

‘S…Same.’, Ashley T yiped, feeling terrible at how scared she was. She had wanted to ask Ashley B nicely to not grip Ashley Q’s arm like that, but decided it would be best to stay silent.

Turning her attentions back to Ashley A (after a centering nose breath), Ashley B pointed to the left. ‘Bathroom’s over there. We’ll wait.’

Ashley A opened her mouth to protest, barely getting 4 words out. ‘But… But Ashley B…’

‘Now, Ashley A.’

‘But Ashley B, I… Please… I don’t want to do this…’

‘Ashley A, do it now.’

‘But… It’s so embarrassing.’, Ashley A blubbered, feeling at the verge of tears.

Ashley B’s eyes grew dark, her voice darker. She stared daggers into Ashley A, seemingly holding herself back from slapping her. ‘You know what IS embarrassing?’.

She stood up and walked slowly up to Ashley A, every eye on her. It was like she was the house itself, unleashing its power onto the tiny human before it. Pointing in rage, she seethed ‘Not being able to trust our leader, a fellow Ashley, MY BEST FRIEND. What’s embarrassing is knowing I’d do ANYTHING for this group, while you can barely muster a FUCKING purple ensemble! What’s EMBARRASSING is that ALL I’m asking is that you prove your loyalty to us so that we can all just be Ashley’s again, and you bitch and moan about every single FUCKING thing!’

She set her forehead on Ashley’s staring right into her eyes, practically nudging them to act out, to prove their dishonesty. ‘YOU WANNA BE AN ASHLEY, A? YOU WANNA BE OUR FRIEND?!’

‘YES! I DO! I DO!’, Ashley A replied, terrified out of her wits, feeling her heart hammer in her chest, but not lying for a moment, her eyes standing still and meeting Ashley B’s.

‘...Then talk to the hand. Because all this face wants to see is a whack pair of underwear freezing in exactly 3 minutes. I don’t wanna hear promises. I wanna see action.’, Ashley B coldly replied, pointing to the direction of the bathroom.

Ashley A gulped, but nodded, to stay safe. She rushed off to the bathroom and prepared to do just that.

But as she closed the door, and looked in the mirror, holding the pair, she let herself shed one small pathetic tear.

‘Please love me again.’ she thought, as she braced herself to walk out to the kitchen.

It was like a death row march all over again, though Ashley assumed those prisoners never had to carry their underwear while their friends mocked and jeered them. Maybe. Ashley didn’t know how prison worked.

Slowly making her way to the sink, Ashley turned on the cold tap, and sighed. ‘This LITERALLY cannot get any wor…’

[genericpuff]

Can’t wait for someone to make a copy of RS’s coveted “signature” stamp and just buy a few dozen books, stamp them, and sell them as “autographed” at a huge markup, and goofballs will buy them all.

I mean seriously, that stamp will be incredibly easy to copy if it’s not already been copied, it’s the polar opposite of exclusive or personal. Why anyone would pay $20 for that is beyond me but it proves that RS is a shrewd business person by any means necessary and will be richer than I ever will be. No wonder Hades is her idol.

No joke, there are pictures of Rachel using the stamp at SDCC and-

That stamp is literally just a standard one that you could order through any custom manufacturer. It's not a roller in any way, there's no unique cut they're working off of, it's just a round press stamp.

And it shows because this is the quality of the actual ink when it's on the paper-

Basically low grade printer ink on glossy paper. It's not gonna last at all, and it turned out exactly how I was expecting - there's too much solid color with too thin empty areas so the ink is bleeding into what's supposed to be 'white' (we deal with the same concepts in tattooing so I knew this was gonna happen as soon as I saw the stamp design).

Anyways so that's my long-winded way of saying that I took the stamp that was on Rachel's IG from her promotional posts, desaturated it, added a tone curve layer to adjust the sharpness/clarity, and threw it into VistaPrint. Just for science, and because I'm an asshole trying to prove a point.

Would literally only cost me $20-$30 for the stamp after shipping.

Now for obvious reasons I'm not saying anyone SHOULD do this, like... I'm showing you this for science but really, don't go making counterfeits because of this LOL This is really just to demonstrate how easy it would be for anyone to make a convincing replica, which is the unfortunate drawback to using stamps as your "signature" - and with a very low quality printer shop stamp to boot - because it makes it pretty easy to copy. Not to mention showing off the stamp design beforehand through social media means that people (like me, oop-) can rip it out of your image posts and reverse engineer it into something that can be uploaded and purchased. I get she wanted to make sure that people knew what they were getting, it would have been a HUGE piss off to go see her for a signature just to find out she was doing a stamp, but like... these are the risks that come with stamps.

Don't get me wrong, you can just as easily forge a signature, but it's a little harder to nail someone's personal signature vs. a stamp and you can usually find ways to make it more unique (like what Junji Ito did by giving out little doodles on each signature). It also doesn't help that that stamp is made so cheaply that a poorly done replica would probably be on the same level of quality as the authentic one. And of course she added insult to injury by deciding to sell ACTUAL HAND-SIGNED BOOKS WITH ONLY ONE BOOK THAT HAS ONE CRAPPY DOODLE INSIDE AT ONLY ONE SPECIFIC BOOKSTORE A WEEK AFTER SDCC WAS OVER THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN EXTRA COPY OF A BOOK YOU ALREADY OWN-

sigh This isn't an uncommon thing to do, it's not unique to Rachel, but it gives me grifting gacha vibes and it feels like such a fuck you to the people who travelled all the way out to SDCC and paid for the ticket prices just to get a shitty printer ink stamp and then find out a week later after they've undoubtedly gone home that one bookstore in San Diego actually has hand-signed copies. I've seen Youtubers pull this kind of shit with vinyl printings and Youtooz figures and it's equally tacky.

If she had done it either with handwritten signatures or at the VERY least a better quality stamp design and higher quality ink, then yeah, it would be harder to make it seem legit for anyone who's not privy to creating things like lino cuts or using roller ink and thus make it a much more valuable collector's item. But the books at SDCC were literally made with a stamp that anyone can replicate for $20 and then the hand-signed ones were offered at only one bookstore after Rachel had already flown home. It feels so impersonal and cold to the audience that has supported her through all the bullshit she's pulled in the last year.

[ladylynse]

Part 2 of this untitled Doctor Who fic where 10 meets up with Grace Holloway again. Posted for @scaehime, who was interested in more.

EDIT: Now tweaked and expanded upon on the AO3.

-|-

The Doctor jolted awake. He tried to claw the oxygen mask off his face, but a pair of gloved hands held it more firmly in place. “Don’t worry, Mr. Smith,” someone said. “It’s simply a precaution. We—”

But the Doctor wasn’t willing to simply listen. “I’m not signing anything,” he said, albeit with difficulty, and his voice was muffled anyway. “I’m not going to let you do anything. No x-rays, no—”

“Mr. Smith, please remain calm.”

“Calm?” the Doctor repeated, anything but. “Calm? You’re trying to...you…you….” He trailed off. An oxygen mask, he’d thought. But then he’d breathed it, and analyzed it. And it wasn’t just oxygen. At least, not anymore. He had to wonder if he’d even said what he’d meant to say, whether or not it had been heard.

This time he did manage to get the mask off his face. “How long,” he gasped out, “have I been in here?”

“You were brought into emergency three hours ago,” came the steady reply. “You’re stable now. You were in shock. Do you remember what happened?”

“Partially,” the Doctor replied, looking distracted. “Did a Vera Taylor tell you who I was?”

“That’s right. Dr. Taylor has insisted that we treat you as we treated her.” A small laugh. “Like everyone else, in other words. We try to give the best treatment possible. You’re in good hands, Mr. Smith.”

The Doctor thought for a moment, cursing whatever they’d given him. He hated being slow on the uptake. “Did you say,” he finally asked, “that I’ve been here for three hours?” Without waiting for a reply, he continued, “And, oh, three hours is a long time, isn’t it? Lots of lovely tests you could run.” He sat up abruptly, wincing as his movement partially dislodged an IV from his arm. He pulled it out carefully and turned to assess the nurse who was taking care of him. He scrutinized her for a moment, seeing if he could place her face among his blurred recollections of the time he’d woken up on the operating table, but couldn’t. That was a bit of a relief.

“Mr. Smith, I have to ask you to—”

“Sorry,” he interrupted. He squinted at her nametag. “But, Rachel, I’m fine now. I don’t need oxygen, I don’t need an IV, and I don’t need whatever else you were going to give me.” He glanced down. “Though, I wouldn’t mind my clothes, bloodied or not.” He frowned. “That’ll take a bit of mending. Shame. I hate mending. I can take it to Neo-Sydney, I suppose. They’ve expert tailors there. Then again, the prices, and they don’t fancy taking….” He trailed off and cleared his throat. “Still. Better than making do with a costume again.”

“Mr. Smith—”

“Yes, I know, it’s against regulations and all that, but, without them, I can’t show you my ID to—” He stopped, frustrated. “Oh, what’s it matter. I can’t stay. I have more important things to be doing. I shouldn’t even have come in the first place.”

“Mr. Smith, your condition has stabilized for the moment, but I would advise not disregarding the doctor’s recommendations by—”

“Oh, but I wouldn’t be disregarding the Doctor’s recommendations,” the Doctor cut in. “Because I think I know my body a bit better than you, thanks.” He reached for the chart at the foot of the bed.

Rachel smirked at him. “So it’s true. Doctors are the worst patients.”

The Doctor, however, wasn’t paying attention. He flipped from one page to the next and back again, then skipped ahead and frowned. “You’ve scheduled me for an appointment with a cardiac specialist?” he asked slowly.

“Your heartbeat was erratic,” Rachel pointed out. “Even accounting for the shock, the range was worrisome.”

“Speeding up and slowing down,” the Doctor murmured, deciding he’d better not ramble too much in case she decided to have psychiatric check up on him. Twenty-eight beats a minute, then racing to well over a hundred and twenty-eight in an effort to compensate for the fact that his right heart still wasn’t beating. He was lucky he hadn’t slipped into a healing coma. He was liable to find himself locked up in the morgue again if he did.

At the very least, he was lucky they hadn’t cut him open with the intention of putting in a pacemaker or some such nonsense.

“Dr. Taylor was able to pull a few strings,” Rachel informed him, gently pulling the chart away from his hands. “Dr. Holloway will see to you herself.”

“Oh. Right.” The Doctor frowned. He’d managed to walk right into this, hadn’t he? Sure, he’d been debating having a quick conversation with her, and he had landed and set off, but if he was set to meet up with Grace again, this wasn’t what he’d pictured. Him tracking her down, yes, but if he went into the hospital, he wouldn’t have gone in as a patient. At least, not with injuries of this sort. Still, perhaps just bumping into her on the street would’ve been best. But not this. Well, could be worse, he supposed. He wasn’t on the operating table again.

Nearly had been, but wasn’t.

“Clothes?” he prompted, looking up at Rachel again.

“You’ll want someone to bring you a fresh set,” she admitted.

Oh, brilliant. They’d gone and cut them off him, then. He might just be reduced to making off with someone else’s. Again. What would it be now, the third time? There was his third regeneration, and his eighth, and—

“But my coat?” he asked. He didn’t want to lose his coat. He had important things in that coat. Come to that, he had important things in his suit pockets, too. “And, er, you haven’t disposed of my suit yet, have you?”

“Your things are safe, Mr. Smith.” Rachel stood up. “I’ll ask you to wait here while I call Dr. Miller in to speak with you personally.”

“If I'm going to talk to a doctor,” the Doctor replied, “I would prefer it to be Grace, if that’s possible. Is she free?”

“She didn’t—”

“Brilliant,” the Doctor interrupted. “Thank you. Off you go now, Rachel; time’s a-wasting.” He settled back into bed, waiting for her to leave. She looked startled, but she did as she was told.

The minute she was out the door, the Doctor allowed himself a small moan. Ooh, how humans could stand it with just one heart, he didn’t know. Though, he was lucky they hadn’t tried to give him anything. Probably had something to do with the good Dr. Taylor, that. She’d held up remarkably well, all things considered. She reminded him a bit of Grace. And even a little of Sarah Jane, come to think of it.

But he didn’t have time to think of it. He had to get out of here. They’d taken x-rays. And he wasn’t sure they’d just chalk it up to a double exposure again. He wasn’t even quite sure when he was—something he hated admitting; he had a reputation to uphold, after all—and he didn’t fancy going through anything like 2012 Utah again, to name one of the more recent unpleasant experiences he’d had on Earth. 

Now was not the time to draw attention to himself by trying to start up his right heart.

He slowly made his way down the hallway and a couple flights of stairs, alternately trying doors and dodging into rooms, occupied or otherwise, to avoid anyone who looked overtly official. He wasn’t sure how far he’d get, dressed as he was, but he was willing to give it a shot. And he could always pretend he was lost. It was fair enough, he figured, even if it was, likely as not, going to get him a ticket to psychiatric. Ah, well; he deserved a bit of fun. He hadn’t had as much as he liked lately. The last time he’d gone looking for it, things hadn’t exactly gone according to plan.

If hadn’t been for one wise, stubborn human, he would have knowingly destroyed an entire timeline.

Sure, it had reasserted himself, skirting around a few anomalies, but he’d been willing to…. He’d tried to sacrifice.... He’d….

“These are his things?”

“Yes. That’s all we found his pockets. No ID, no money—nothing to support his claims to Dr. Taylor.”

Grace. And someone he didn’t recognize. He’d better get out of here. Quickly. He could nip back and gather his things, then be on his way no worse for the wear. Grace might wonder, but he didn’t recall carrying anything on him now that she would recognize. He’d even had the locks changed; the TARDIS key was different. Though that was more because he couldn’t stand the constant reminder of Gallifrey than anything else. Still. New key, new sonic screwdriver….

New body.

Twice over.

And he had no right to ask. To ask would be to burden her with his problems, because she was the sort of person who would take the burden without being asked and wouldn’t lay it down, no matter what he told her. No matter how much he pleaded with her. And he had no right to do that. She’d built a wonderful life for herself. Moved on, just like she should have. Because she’d recognized—

The Doctor dashed into the nearest room. “Oh, hello,” he greeted cheerfully as a rather frail lady looked up at him. “I seem to have gotten the wrong room. I was looking for a Ms. Jones?” He phrased it as a question, but spent some time looking about the room, wandering deeper into it—and away from the doorway—and making it clear that he didn’t expect an answer. “Terribly sorry,” he added. “I’m the, ah, man from just down the hall. John Smith.” He stuck out his hand, grinning widely.

“Dorothy Mae,” the woman replied finally, taking his hand. “You shouldn’t be up and about, young man. I may not be a doctor, but I’m a mother and a grandmother, and you should be in bed. You’re too pale. Never mind that this is a hospital. I’m here after my hip replacement. You,” she added pointedly, looking him up and down again, “look like you got on the wrong side of a fight.” She didn’t sound particularly approving.

The Doctor tugged on an ear. “Yeah, well,” he said, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “Wasn’t intentional. Just trying to help, me. Nothing serious. They’ll be letting me out as soon as they can process the paperwork, I daresay. Need the beds, I think. But my friend—”

“If they’re going to release you when you look like that,” Dorothy Mae interrupted, “then I will be speaking with my doctor about the sort of care they’re giving here.”

The Doctor began to think that perhaps engaging the woman in conversation had not been his best idea. He pasted a smile on his face. “Oh, well, no, it’s not the care. I’m checking out. Against their recommendations, admittedly. But, really, it’s just a form or two to sign, and—”

“You,” declared the outspoken, if well-intentioned, Dorothy Mae, “ought to be ashamed of yourself. You’re liable to get yourself killed if you don’t smarten up.”

She looked like she could have berated him for longer, but the Doctor hastily began extracting himself from the conversation. “Yes, true enough; I will reconsider, I suppose, but I ought to go and tell them that, so I’ll just leave you be, won’t I?” He grinned at her and made his escape.

He bumped into someone and tried to continue on his way, but whoever it was caught his arm. “Mr. Smith,” drawled a man’s voice, “I believe you were assigned to room 403?”

“Dr. Miller, I presume?” the Doctor asked, trying not to look guilty. If he’d waited just one more minute.... “Yes. And may I ask why you are a full two floors from your assigned room?” Over Dr. Miller’s shoulder, the Doctor had watched Grace’s face fall. Perhaps she had thought to connect the dots. He didn’t recall telling her that regeneration worked more than once. Granted, he hadn’t exactly had time to explain anything. Common theme in his life, that.

“Oh, well,” he said slowly. “Fancied a bit of a jaunt, that’s all. Looking to see if I could get a cup of tea, to be honest.” Well, partially honest. He wouldn’t mind a cup of tea now. He needed something to clear his head. “And, I was wondering about my things. Could I have them back? Even the suit? I know an excellent tailor.”

“We can discuss this at a later time, once we have you back in your room.” Dr. Miller steered him towards the lift.

“I’ll join you when he’s settled,” Grace said shakily. The Doctor glanced over his shoulder to get a better look at her. She hadn’t changed, really. So perhaps it wasn’t that long after all. Blimey, it better not be before the millennium. He’d be in a spot then. But surely….

The Doctor accepted his scolding meekly, knowing that if he had any chance of getting out of here, it would be better to throw them off guard. And, sometimes, if you played your cards right, and you acted like you really needed something, they’d give it to you. Like shoes. Shoes would be an excellent thing right now. You can only make it so far without shoes. All right, last time he’d made it over to Grace’s house without shoes, but he’d needed the toe tag on as proof, hadn’t he?

The Doctor did his best to ensure that his conversation with Dr. Miller was short. Grace entered shortly after Dr. Miller had finished his scolding—well, chiding, more like, as if he were a child. But when she came in, holding his coat—and it would take a bit to get those stains out—and a small paper bag, presumably his other things, he almost didn’t want Dr. Miller to leave. He regretted being so apologetic and compliant. He might’ve bought more time if he hadn’t been.

Because, really…. He didn’t want to face her.

He shouldn’t have come.

“John Smith?” she asked softly, depositing his things at the foot of the bed and settling down on the chair by its head. He saw the sleeve of his suit jacket poking out from the bundle that was his coat. Excellent; she’d gotten that, too.

Still, he had to answer her question. He hesitated, and nodded once, sharply and definitively.

“Where are you from?” she asked, keeping her voice light.

“Nottingham,” he answered. “Brilliant place. You ought to visit it sometime.”

“And may I ask why you wanted to speak with me, and why you told Dr. Vera Taylor that I knew you?”

“Oh, well, I just….” The Doctor trailed off. Grace was smart, and lying wasn’t his forte in this regeneration. “It’s been a long while, that’s all. I knew you wouldn’t recognize me.”

She was thinking it. He could tell by the expression on her face. Blinking abruptly, she reached for his chart, scanning it. He watched her shoulders fall. “They want to keep you for monitoring,” she noted. “You’ve a bad heart.”

“It’s just overworked,” the Doctor said bluntly. “Temporary. A victim of circumstances, if you will.”

“X-rays inconclusive?” Grace repeated, looking up from the chart. “You’re due for another round, to make sure you didn’t crack a rib. First round was faulty.”

The Doctor was silent for a moment. “Grace,” he said, slowly, deliberately, “may I have my things?” He held out his hand. “Just the bag for now, if you will.”

“I’d prefer Dr. Holloway at the moment, Mr. Smith.”

“Doctor,” the Doctor corrected.

Grace smiled slightly. “Oh, yes,” she amended. “I do recall Vera mentioning that. Dr. Smith, then.”

“Doctor,” the Doctor repeated, watching her hand falter as she reached for the bag.

She turned back to look at him. “I’m afraid, Dr. Smith, that I do not take to calling anyone simply by their profession. Particularly those from Nottingham.” She passed the paper bag to him.

The Doctor took it and smiled. “Well, it’s a bit more than a profession.” He overturned the bag to see what he could find. They hadn’t found much. Sonic screwdriver, TARDIS key, wallet of currently blank psychic paper—pity, that; might be a bit harder to fool them, if they recognized the covering—and his spectacles. Just some surface things, nothing from too deep in his pockets.

And nothing Grace would recognize.

Though, he had to decide, now, whether or not he was going to go through with it. He’d meant to. But then, he thought maybe it would be best if he didn’t. Because the only reasons he’d meant to have any conversation at all with her were selfish reasons. He wanted to know what she’d seen, and how she’d recognized it—how she’d seen what he, and so many others, couldn’t.

A friend had once told him that if you could choose who lives and who dies, you would be a monster. And he’d agreed whole-heartedly at the time. It wasn’t even that long ago. How could he have forgotten that conversation? How could he have turned his back on that so utterly? How could he have disregarded everything and gone and done it anyhow?

He’d needed to be taken down a few pegs.

It hadn’t taken much.

But it was too much all the same.

One life had had to be ended to keep history on track.

And he hadn’t been the one to realize that.

He’d been the one to ignore it.

And then he’d been shown how important it all was, and how foolish and arrogant he’d been, and how wrong he’d been, to stray from that, even once. He’d seen what he’d become.

A monster.

“Dr. Smith? Are you all right?”

The Doctor blinked. Grace repeated her question, moving closer to check on him.

No. He couldn’t just leave. He’d come here, and the TARDIS had made sure he’d come this far, sneaky as she was. He wanted to run from this, like he’d run from everything else. But he couldn’t keep everything inside him forever, keeping silent. He had to tell some things to someone.

Someone who would listen.

Someone who might help him to understand.

Someone he’d touched but not destroyed.

“I’m always all right,” the Doctor croaked, pulling away from Grace. He reached instead for his coat, digging in the pockets. He had some in here, he was sure of it. He’d gotten them the same time he’d picked up that chocolate egg at Easter, since he hadn’t had any for years and he had had a bit of a liking for them. They wouldn’t be too old; a couple of months, that’s all.

“Dr. Smith, you should just relax. Your heart—”

Right. Dr. Miller had insisted on hooking him up to that again. Bother it all. “Is compensating,” the Doctor cut in. “That’s all. Temporary, like I said.”

“You’re not well.”

No, he wasn’t. But he was on the mend, now—if he could just stop running, just for a moment, long enough to have a conversation.

“Grace—”

“Dr. Holloway.”

“Grace,” the Doctor repeated, very deliberately, as his hand closed upon a small paper bag of candy. He pulled it out of his coat pocket and offered it to her. “Jelly baby?”

She looked at him uncertainly. “I was informed that they’d gone through your pockets.”

The Doctor shrugged. “They didn’t know what they were looking for. Would you like a jelly baby?”

Grace’s expression hardened. “Stop it,” she hissed.

The Doctor was taken aback. “What?” he asked, blinking at her. He hadn’t meant to actually offend her. Yet that was how she was acting.

“Who put you up to this?” she continued angrily. “I’m not having it, you hear? I’ve had enough with people laughing at me. I’m not telling that story anymore.”

Oh.

He hadn’t expected that.

Of course, he wasn’t entirely sure what he had expected.

He hadn’t thought about it all too much.

“What year is it?” he asked slowly.

Wrong question, it seemed, with what she thought of him now. “I’ll thank you not to persist in telling tales in an attempt to speak to me again,” she said sharply, rising to her feet. “Good day, Mr. Smith.”

“Doctor,” he corrected again.

She glared at him. “Dr. Smith, then. Good day.”

“I’d missed you, Grace,” he said truthfully. “But I’d still thought that I was doing the right thing by not coming back. After you’d made your choice, I mean.”

It wasn’t enough to catch her attention, and she started out the room, ignoring him.

And, well, now that he’d made the decision to talk to her, he wanted to talk to her.

So he made sure that he did catch her attention. “The Master survived, you know. Getting sucked into the Eye. But she’s closed now. Room’s locked, good and tight. Even I can’t get into it. Don’t think I will, unless circumstances change.”

She turned back at the doorway to look at him. “How long?” she asked, her voice still cold.

“Pardon?”

“How long have you spent listening to my stories, gathering every bit of information from every story I’ve ever told the children in the recovery ward? And why do you insist on patronizing me?”

She was defensive. Hurt.

Because of him.

Because she’d believed in him and had told her story.

He’d still managed to….

“I’m sorry,” he said, genuinely contrite. “I am so, so sorry, Grace. I didn’t know.”

“Dr. Holloway,” she corrected, but her voice had softened slightly.

And then she was gone.

(Part 3)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Surprise! We’re dating!

Day 2 of my pride prompts! Releasing it a bit earlier because I’m gonna be in Stockholm all day.

This day is glee related! And two people come out to tell their friends that they’re dating!

Read on ao3 or under the cut

Rachel had invited a lot of her old classmates over for, what she called, “a very special dinner”. Santana, Brittany, Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes, Tina and Artie were invited over. All of them believed it was something silly, like Rachel usually does, but she claimed she had a “surprise”.

“What do you think is the surprise?” Kurt asked.

“Maybe that she has bought new shoes,” Tina suggested, to everyone’s giggles.

Rachel opened the front door. “Oh, come in! Welcome!” She grinned so much that you could barely see her eyes.

Everyone went inside and sat down in her kitchen.

“Oh, Quinn, I didn’t know you’d be here!” Mercedes commented, noticing Quinn existed.

“Yes, I’m helping Rachel with dinner,” Quinn said, She then formed a secretive smile to Rachel.

“Ok, they’re definitely sharing a secret,” Santana whispered to Kurt and Blaine. They nodded.

“What’s for dinner?” Mercedes asked.

“Vegan nuggets and rice!” Rachel exclaimed.

“I made real chicken nuggets too,” Quinn added with a wink.

“Is there non-vegan rice too?” Brittany asked.

They served the food and sat down. It was obvious something was going on between Quinn and Rachel, and everyone could see it. Whatever Rachel’s secret was, Quinn was involved with it.

The dinner was going smoothly, but the elephant was very much in the room.

“What elephant?” Brittany asked, as she could break fourth walls. No one replied.

The guests wanted to speculate about what the secret was, but they couldn’t do that in front of them. So, everyone ate super fast so that they’d have to go get the dessert.

But, even if everyone ate up everything on their plate, they had to wait as Rachel was telling a story.

The only one who seemed interested in it was Quinn, for some reason.

“Can you believe it?” Rachel asked. “I paid full price when it was 75% off!”

“Unbelievable,” Quinn said, looking way too interested.

Everyone else looked very bored around, hoping it was over soon.

Luckily for them, Quinn could read rooms.

“Oh. Is everyone done eating?”

“Yes, half an hour ago,” Artie said.

“Well, Rachel, then maybe you and I can go get the dessert?”

“But my story!” Rachel squealed.

“They’re waiting for dessert, don’t they?”

“Oh.. well… I guess.”

The relief of everyone in the room was something even Rachel noticed.

“Okay, you know what I’m thinking?” Mercedes asked. “Rachel is a surrogate to Quinn’s baby.”

“What?” Artie asked. “No, I’m thinking they’re putting on a new musical. Quinn is helping direct it.”

“Maybe they killed someone together and makes us involved by telling us!” Tina said nervously.

“I’m calling it, they’re cannibals…” Brittany mumbled.

“The most obvious thing would be that they’re dating,” Santana said, “But it’s so obvious that it can’t be that!”

“Right?” Kurt said.

“Yeah, it can’t be that they’re dating,” Mercedes said.

“Do you think they… are opening a glee club together?” Blaine suggested.

“You know what, it sounds possible!” Artie said. “And now they want us to help them recruit people.”

“Who wants help recruiting?” Rachel asked. She and Quinn came out with glace au four.

Everyone was silent for a moment, before Santana broke the silence.

“I’m breaking the silence. We wanna know your secret that you told us you have!”

“Oh! Like… right now?”

“Right now, Rachel,” Mercedes said, crossing her arms, “We don’t have all night.”

“Okay! Uh… Quinn?”

Quinn took a deep breath, as her shy smile grew bigger.

“Me, and Rachel… we have something to announce.”

“It might be surprising,” Rachel said, “And I know it will shock all of you in this room right now!”

“Yes, so just prepare yourselves…”

“No one chews on anything, we don’t want a choking accident from the shock!”

“Oh my god, just say it!” Kurt shouted.

“Yeah, the suspense is killing us!” Tina added.

Quinn and Rachel took each other’s hands, gave each other a grin and then revealed their secret in unison.

“We’re dating!”

The room was very silent.

“That’s it?” Santana asked, disappointed.

“I know it seems insane…” Rachel said.

“No, the insane part is that it’s the most OBVIOUS thing!” Kurt said. “Please, we’ve all been hoping for Faberry for years. We almost thought you just wanted us to assume you were already dating.”

“So you’re… disappointed that we are dating?” Quinn asked.

“No, we’re just disappointed it wasn’t a more unexpected secret,” Tina explained. Then she grinned. “But that’s great! You two are great for each other!”

“Yeah, I have a conspiracy theory that Rachel knocked Quinn up all those years ago,” Brittany said.

“Yeah, we love you!” Mercedes assured them. “You make a great couple!”

Everyone cheered and clapped.

Rachel and Quinn chuckled. They pulled each other in, as they shared a smirk. Then they kissed, causing their friends to cheer and clap even louder.

The surprise might not have been too much of a surprise, but at least it got well received. They wondered if all of their other friends that they didn’t invite here tonight would react the same.

[acdeaky]

out of the blue (3am calls)

warning: mentions of nightmares, implications of PTSD, fluff

note: this is (technically) my other submission for @celestialbarnes’ 4k writing challenge! i chose the prompt ‘bed’ and dialogue 9 ‘“was it the nightmares again?” “no” “you suck at lying”’ congrats again, rachel! and enjoy 🤍

read my other submission here!

word count: 1.9k

“...sorry that i can’t come to the phone right now, but- james?” you picked up, hearing the shaking breaths of bucky’s down the line as he tries to self soothe himself.

“hey,” he sighed down the receiver; you could imagine his metal hand running through his shortened locks, too. “did i wake you?”

“no, no, i’m always awake at...three-fourteen in the morning.” you replied, a teasing tone to your voice as you rubbed your sleep-ridden eyes.

“i just needed to hear your voice,” to ground me, he wanted to say, “i’m sorry, it was selfish.”

“i don’t mind, i wanna talk to you.” you smiled, knowing in a minute or so you’d be leaving the confines of your apartment to walk across the hall to bucky’s.

the other side of the phone stayed quiet for a moment, the only thing being heard was the static of the line. you didn’t want to say anything, knowing bucky usually needed a minute or two to collect this thoughts before he asked you to come over.

his excuse was that he felt like a burden; your response was always the opposite. ever since you had met him, something you always reminded him was that you were there for him, knowing what he had been through. although he was hesitant, the majority of the time you were by his side in the early hours of the morning.

“can you come over? just for a little while?” bucky’s voice was small, quiet, as always when he asked those four words. both of you knew that you’d be there much longer than ‘a little while’, but you didn’t mind when you forever replied,

“of course.”

it wasn’t long before you pulled a hoodie over your head, slipping on some socks before making your way to your front door. you grabbed your keys and opened your door, turning and twisting the lock as quickly as you could.

the hallway seemed darker than usual that night, the chill of the wooden floorboards seeping through your socks and hitting the pads of your feet as you crossed over to bucky’s apartment door. you knocked, waiting for the answer which came only a second or two later.

“i’m sorry.” was the first and only words he spoke as the door swung open.

“it’s okay.” you replied as bucky stood to the side, allowing you to step through the door before he closed it behind you.

the bareness of his apartment always worried you; it felt as if there was little progress happening, but it was. slowly but surely, and bucky knew this, he was just waiting for the right moment to ask you to go shopping with him. help pick out a new sofa, one you found comfortable. maybe even a coffee table, or a dining table so you had a proper place to sit while you ate your various take-outs every week.

it wasn’t like you didn’t see each other enough for him to ask, but he was hesitant; worried you’d say no, that he’d miss judged your friendship, your relationship even, that you were only a source of comfort on nights like this and not a friend who helped make a house a home.

even after that time you’d been with him whilst buying new bed sheets. his mind kept telling him right place, right time, that you didn’t actually want to do that with him, but you’d felt obliged to when running into each other in the store.

he was wrong, of course. your friendship meant the world to the both of you and you adored bucky, but he needed time and so did you. so, your friendship was just that: friends who saw each other the majority of the time, who found any free moment to spend together and who slept next to each other on nights like these...

bucky locked the door behind you before grabbing himself a quick drink, watching your figure as you stepped into the side of the living room and hovered over the blanket and pillow on the floor.

like usual, you said nothing, only following the same route into his bedroom while bucky left his now empty glass in the sink. just as he turned the corner, you were pulling the covers back, pulling off your hoodie and sliding under the sheets.

he watched for a minute, waiting for you to find a comfortable spot with the sheets pulled tightly around your body.

his mattress was cold, still hard, yet comfortable, from when he first bought it. the sheets were soft, too, your choice - of course - colours which you had said complemented his eyes; it was more difficult hiding the blush on his face than you hiding the price tag. he bought them anyway, knowing that you wanted the best for him and hoping that you’d put them to use some time.

and use them you had. there had been many nights since that day which you had spent in his bed, curled up against him as you feel asleep and bucky attempted to. you were the only reason the sheets got washed often; other than you and him on nights like these, nobody else used them.

it wasn’t long before he moved from his place by the door, following your early actions and joining you under the covers. ever the gentleman, bucky stayed on his side while you stayed on yours, him on his back with you on your side facing him.

it took for you to move closer to him, pressing your body into his for either of you to begin feeling any comfort.

the warmth of bucky’s body was a pleasant contrast to the mattress, both of you slowly warming up the longer you were huddled together. truly, you hadn’t meant to lay like this, but after climbing under the sheets next to him for the first time, bucky pulled you into his side and wrapped his arms around you. as if on instinct, your head laid on his bare chest, a hand resting in the middle of his torso as you shifted onto your side.

there were some delicate whispers from the two of you before you drifted to sleep. your kind words soothed bucky’s mind as he allowed himself to relax and settle back into the pillows; a luxury he rarely let himself have. his allowed you to feel them reverberate in his chest, his low hums acting as a settler for your thoughts.

both of you were asleep moments later.

-

“was it the nightmares again?” you asked the following night, your back against the headboard of your bed, the bright moonlight shining through the thin curtains you’d forgotten to pull across the window earlier.

“no”

“you suck at lying.” a light giggle came from you, followed by bucky’s unpleased sigh. you were right; he knew it and so did you, but you wanted him to admit it.

“i really don’t.” you scoffed lightly at those words, knowing that he didn’t even believe his own words.

“james barnes, how have you not yet learned that you cannot lie to me? i know you.” like always, there was a teasing tone to your voice, trying your best to cheer him up over the phone, especially when you could just tell that the nightmares were bad tonight.

for a moment, the other side of the phone feel silent, except for some light rustling of covers. you knew he was laid on the floor, blanket on top of and under him. regardless of how many times the two of you had tried, bucky could never find comfort inbetween his sheets unless you were there by his side.

“buck? you still there?” you hadn’t meant for your voice to go so quiet, but you really didn’t want to stop talking to him; you never wanted to stop talking to him.

“yeh, yeh i’m still here-” his sentence was almost cut off by three rough knocks at your door, making you body stiffen.

“hold that thought, buck.” you replied, moving slowly off of your bed and towards your slightly open bedroom door.

“doll, its okay,” he spoke softly, noticing the slight quiver to your voice. “its only me”

“could you not have told me that?” you laughed, speeding up to open the door as to not let him stand in the hallway for much longer.

“hey.” he smiled as the door opened, dropping his phone from his ear before ending the call.

“hey.” you mirrored his smile, doing the same while moving to the side to allow him in. as you shut and locked the door, bucky went through his usual routine every time he stepped into your apartment this late at night. his keys were dropped into the bowl on top of the cabinet by your front door, then he grabbed a drink fro your kitchen that was adjacent to your entryway, and then he met you in the doorway of your bedroom, your arms open and waiting for him.

he gladly accepted the contact, always relying on you to ground him when it felt like he’d been floating for too long. and tonight he had been.

both of you used the minimal light from the moon to figure out your way to your bed, his right hand never letting go of yours until he finally had to. the covers were pulled back from where you had left them moments ago, the sheets now cold.

the two of you laid in your bed moment later, bucky being the first to be settled on his back as you began to be pressed against his side, your head on his chest. along with the curtains, earlier you had left a small window open, allowing the noise of brooklyn at night to seep through to your room. neither of you would be falling asleep anytime soon.

“i love you, buck.” your whispered confession making its way to bucky just before he closed his eyes.

“love you, too.” he replied, not allowing the true meaning of his words to be heard.

“no, bucky,” you sat up, leaning your weight onto your right elbow as your left hand reached out for his cheek. “i love you, okay? i love you.”

there was no words for him. he truly hadn’t expected the weight of your confession and it has shocked him beyond words. all he could think to say was,

“i love you, too, doll.” his shy smile made an appearance, reminding you of the first time you saw each other. with that, you leaned forward, placing a delicate kiss onto his lips, the corner of his mouth and on his cheek.

bucky’s smile never faltered, only growing wider the longer you planted kisses upon his skin.

after leaving a lingering one on his jaw, you moved back to face him, resting your forehead onto his. “goodnight, baby.” you whispered, pressing one last kiss on to his lips.

“goodnight, doll.” bucky repeated your actions, leaving the both of you in a fit of smiles.

and, just like earlier, you laid on your side, your head resting above bucky’s heart with his vibranium arm around your shoulders. the two of you were asleep a few moments later, the steady beat of his heart bringing about a peace which you always felt around him.

-

taglist (for people who i think might enjoy this): @forever-rogue @buvky @buckys-darling @barnessupremacy @wallflowerbarnes @bvckysmoon @gryffindorwriter @lokiscollar @propertyofpoeandbucky @buckys-bug @aerynwrites

bucky taglist: @marvel-rhapsody @bloomingbucky

[barbarianprncess]

did you mean it?

read on ao3.

It’s a total of 3 significant events that led to this, her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts bleeding.

It’s a total of 3 significant events that led to this, her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts bleeding.

The first event isn’t really an event at all. It’s a prologue, necessary context to truly understand the monumentalism of this moment. It’s the memory of her eyes, piercing and reproachful, being the first thing that he saw after losing his mother. It’s shared trauma and oreos while they’re young and naive. It’s truces and training and growing up too soon together. It’s stargazing and stupid jokes saving eachother in every possible way. It's the culmination of the years Percy spent growing, learning, and being with Annabeth, and the unknown and therefore repressed feelings that came with it. Feelings are like the sea in that way, they don’t take well to being restrained. Percy has found that you cannot box in oceans or sentiments, they always find a way to spill over and out, with no regard for the destruction left in its wake.

The second event is Dionysus deciding on a whim that the inhabitants of his camp are ‘uncultured pests’ and taking it upon himself to set up a field trip for campers to the Ancient Greek Cultural Center in New York. (Percy thinks it’s really just to distract kids that were still shaken up about the battle at camp and the losses it caused. But, Dionysus would never say so. He’s far too proud to admit to caring for the children he’s been assigned to look after.) Argus loaded all the kids he could fit into the strawberry vans, as Chiron listed all the reasons this was a terrible idea. As it turns out, his worries were in vain as miraculously, no monsters attacked, and no mortal asked too many questions. No, instead, the only hitch in his plan was the glaring inaccuracies of the Center sending Dionysus into a fit of rage. He ranted for so long, their 2 hour long field trip ended up lasting until the place closed.

Event the third is the ridiculously long line leading to the mens room at the rundown gas station they’ve stopped at, causing Percy to traipse into the woods, deep enough to know that no one other than the squirrels were watching, and pee there. Unbeknownst to him, Annabeth had decided to take a quick walk in the forest as well, (in the opposite direction of his peeing endeavor) with the purpose of clearing her head. Both returned to the parking lot after 10 minutes, with no truck in sight. The gas station lights are turned off on the inside and the door sign has switched decidedly to closed. They look at each other in disbelief.

“Percy?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh...did they…”    

“They didn’t. They wouldn’t.”

“I think they would.”

“They would never-”

“I have pretty solid evidence to the contrary.” Annabeth deadpans, casually letting her hair loose and hopping on top of the miniature gas machine for motorcycles.

“But, how did-”

“No Argus.” Which means, no all-seeing eyes to double check the headcount. Percy begins to pace.

“Okay, but-”

“Two trucks.” Both of which are probably assuming Percy and Annabeth are on the other.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, gods.”

“Leave them out of this.”

“Those fuckers.”

“Which ones?” She asks. He looks up and she’s fighting a smile. He pointedly doesn’t notice the way her mouth curls up, or the way her hair falls around her shoulders and down her back, or how pretty she looks lit up by the neon red lights of the gas stations prices, which apparently doesn’t turn off when they close.

“Do you know something I don’t?”

“I know lots of things you don’t.”

“Ha-ha. I mean about how to get out of here.”

“Ohhhhh, let me think.” She wrinkles her nose in faux concentration, tilting her chin up towards  the sky. Percy is too annoyed to think it’s adorable. “Nope, not a clue.”

“Your phone?”

“Left it on the truck.”

“Iris message?”

“Percy, it’s dark as shit.” The laughter she’s been holding in comes pouring out. Nevermind that he feels his chest sigh in relief at hearing it for the first time since their quest, this is serious.

“You’re laughing.”

“Just a little.”

“You’re telling me, you don’t have a brilliant plan to get us on a truck.”

“Yes.”

“So, we’re stuck here.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re laughing?”

“You’re just really funny when you’re stressed.” She giggles. He can’t remember the last time she giggled. He missed it. He hates her.

“Oh my gods.”

“Okay, okay, look, I’m sorry. We’re halfway to camp right?” He nods. “I’m sure they’ll figure out we’re missing before they get all the way back to camp, but let's say, worst case scenario, they don’t-”

“Not helping-”

“And they make it the rest of the way back to camp. It took us four hours to get to the center, which means camp is two hours away, so if they make it the two hours back to camp before they realize we’re missing, and they drive back up-”

“C’mon ‘Beth, you know I suck at math.”

“We’re stuck here for five hours at most.”

“Five hours?”

“And that's if no passing cars let us use their phones to hurry the process up.”

“Five hours.”

She’s laughing again. “Seriously, what is so funny?”

“It’s just-” Her cheeks are red and she’s very poorly attempting to suppress her smile. “You’ve been calm in so many life or death situations, and being stuck at a gas station is what finally breaks through.”

“It’s nighttime.” She stares at him for a moment and then she’s laughing again, full bodied real laughter, and he's laughing too.

And it’s as if this gas station became their own personal Ogygia, an oasis, a resting place for them to be stupid kids again. And they don’t talk about the battle, or Rachel, or the volcano, or any of the million things set on tearing them apart. They talked about his mom getting serious about his new boyfriend, about Tyson’s underwater adventures and Grover’s searching shenanigans.

They smack talk with no real heat about who the better fighter is (Oh please, Seaweed Brain, I've been training since before you could tie your own shoes.), and argue about which ancient hero had the greatest journey (Hercules, are you kidding? Did you even read the myth?). They break into the gas station for snacks (What the fuck, Annabeth, where’d you learn to pick a lock? No, I wouldn’t prefer you break the glass, you psycho. Oh my gods, can you really break the glass?), and dissolve into giggles as they try to fit five drachma into the cash register.

They end up back outside sitting on the gas machines facing one another from three feet away.

“Your mom called me the other day.”

Percy, who’d been lazily squinting up at the murky sky, searching for any sign of stars, whipped his head to look at her. “What?”

“She called me on the phone. We talked for a bit. She said she wanted to make sure I was alright.”

“That sounds like something she would do.” He sighs and hops down from the machine, turning away from her, hoping to hide his blush from the dim light. “She cornered me on one of my off weekends, asked what was going on with us.”

“Oh.” He hears the shifting of fabric and assumes she followed him in sliding off the gas machine.

“Yeah.” It’s silent for a long time before she responds.

“What did you say?” She asks, her voice smaller than it was moments ago. He hears her scratching at the flat metal top of the machine. “When she asked, what did you say?”

He runs his finger through his hair, and one gets caught in a particularly large snarl. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” She whispers and gods he’s terrified but he really doesn’t have a choice when her voice wavers like that. Her words shake and every ounce of his being tells him to do whatever it takes to soothe it.

“I said we were fighting. That there wasn’t one sole reason for it, just a bunch of little reasons. I told her that I scared you when I….went away for two weeks last summer. And that you didn’t like bringing Rachel on your quest. I told her that we….. disagree about how to best handle Luke. That I probably wanted to protect you more than I wanted to listen to you.” She laughs softly and he blames what he says next on her laugh. It is the catalyst for everything that follows.

“I told her that we’d be okay. Because no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”

He hears her breath catch. He doesn’t have to look back to know she’s turned to face him fully. “Did you mean it?” She calls. He doesn’t answer. The words haven’t caught in his throat, they’ve spontaneously combusted in his vocal chords and he doesn’t think he’ll ever speak again.

The sound of gravel crunching gets closer until suddenly she's beside him, and he didn’t tell his torso to twist toward her, he thinks she might just be his center of gravity.

“Did you mean it?”

She’s looking up at him, and her hair smells like lemons, and her cheeks are pink, and her eyelashes go on for miles, and her sunspots are better than stars. And it’s as if she pulls the words right out of him, he’s hypnotized by everything about her.

“Of course I meant it.”

She exhales and closes her eyes and while he mourns the loss of the sight, his body moves on it’s own accord again and he’s edging closer and closer and she opens her eyes and here they are.

Their noses brush, and this time he closes his eyes, and their noses brush just so, and…

Whoa.

He was wrong, it wasn't just those three significant events that to her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts positively bleeding. It’s clear he’s been waiting his entire life for this moment at this shitty gas station.

Waiting for this. Waiting for her.  

They kiss for a moment or an eternity, and they fit. His hands are on her hips and hers clutch at his shirt before sliding up to his throat, and it’s like his soul is whispering, oh there you are.

And then she’s pulling back, so she has just enough space to shake her head without disconnecting from his forehead.

She's breathless when she whispers, “This is a bad idea.”

His hands trail up and down her forearm of their own accord, and when he whispers back he’s breathless too. “Yeah, really bad idea.”

Her hands slide up from his chest to his shoulders, and then she’s kissing him again, with purpose, and he’s kissing back like his life depends on it because he thinks it might, thinks if he lets go of her he’d die on the spot.

It seems his theory might get tested when she pulls back again just far enough to whisper against his lips, “Is it always like that?”

He kisses her again, once, twice, because he can’t help it and whispers back, “I don’t know, you were my first kiss.”

He’d released any serious hold he had on her the moment she hesitated, but then she’s rocking back up to meet him halfway and his entire body thinks thank the gods. He actually sighs his relief into her mouth, as his hands desperately reach for her face, some fingers tangling in her hair, and their lips are magnets, opposites that don’t have a choice but to pull together. Despite how much he wants to keep doing this forever, he has to tell her.

“I don’t wanna lose you, again.” He means not ever, but he figures she understands the severity in his voice. She’s running her hand through his hair, and his slide up and down her back, and she knocks her nose against his as she answers, “I know, me either. I’m confused, this is confusing me.” And she tilts her chin just so, like she did a million years ago, and this time he kisses her.

They kiss for an infinity, he gets to taste her laughter when she giggles at the absurdness of it all, and it’s better than ambrosia. He kisses her until he doesn’t know anything else, until his entire universe is Annabeth Chase, with her cheeks and her curls and her lips. She is everything.

And then headlights penetrate their universe, voices bring an end to their infinity, and Chiron is speaking but it’s nothing, it’s all white noise because she’s no longer in his arms, and his center of gravity is being ripped away and he hears someone ask, “What’d you guys do?”

He’s still looking at her face when she answers, “You know, tried not to strangle each other mostly.”

But, she looks back before she turns all the way around and her gaze is charged and her lips quirk with the secret they share.

He is so screwed.

[the-geek-hokage-2736]

Life is Strange: Star Wars Headcanons

Max Caulfield

- Jedi or Cantena Worker

I could Definitely see Max being a Jedi most definitely! When she was a child her parents would describe her as very force sensitive and would think that she would be sent away to train in the Jedi Temple. I also feel as though first starting training at the temple she wouldn’t be as confident but day by day she starts to gain more and more confidence! Now when she meets back up with Chloe, I feel like she would try to be in denial of her feelings of love because a Jedi is not supposed to have emotions because in their eyes emotions are the path to the dark side (which is stupid if you ask me 🙄)

And that would lead to a lot of anger because she knows she’s not supposed to feel like this but the way Chloe makes her feel is something she can’t change

I think her master would be… Rey! I feel like max and Rey would connect more, she would tell max about her time in Aht toe (or however you spell) when Luke Skywalker drank Blue milk out of a bantha

Chloe Price

- Smuggler

Now Chloe, man I could see her being a smuggler, I feel like she would be a perfect smuggler, I feel like she would kind of be like Han Solo… with her old beaten up ship called the Amber, named After Rachel of course, i think being a smuggler would land Chloe in a lot of hot water, Joyce would be constantly worried About Chloe wondering if she was alright and was hoping that she wouldn’t end up in jail or killed by the empire, David on the other hand would be angry to see his step daughter be a criminal

Chloe and Max meet back up, max was on a mission to guard the queen and on the resting points she sees Chloe, they exchange a bit of words and of course Chloe is surprised that max is a Jedi while max was understanding that Chloe was a smuggler.

Rachel Amber

- Queen Amadela’s Handmaiden

This would be perfect for Rachel, I feel like she would be padme’s favorite (even though I don’t think she would play favorites at all) but I think Rachel would be padme’s best handmaiden, always doing most of the errands for her. But while on an errand for Padme she stumbles opon Chloe and the 2 become friends, until one tragic day, Rachel was shot and killed by a stormtrooper trying to protect the queen, she had a very nice funeral and all her friends and family where there, even the queen.

Nathan Prescott

- A Bounty Hunter

Mannn oh man Nathan is soooo much more suited for this role! Since Nathan had a Gun in life is strange I thought that I would make him an bounty hunter , so In this AU Nathan comes from a very wealthy powerful family but was destined to turn to the dark side due to having an uncontrollable amount of anger in his heart, so he now works for the for the empire as a bloodthirsty bounty Hunter

This Dude makes a living by hunting down Jedi and all other things related to the force.

David Madsen

- Rebel Pilot or a stormtrooper

These 2 jobs are perfect for Mr Madsen! Due to him having a military background it makes sense for him to have a job that’s similar to the army and whatnot, David was there when Luke and the other rebels blew up the Death Star, but he wasn’t actually in there, he was a trainee and was watching all the other pilots do their things.

Once he gotten married to Joyce he would try to put Chloe on the right track but Chloe being a defiant teen girl that wasn’t gonna happen at all.

Mark Jefferson

- Sith Lord

Ya’ll knew this was coming, admit it! Mark jefferson is most definitely a Sith Lord! And he could be Nathan’s kind of “father figure”

Joyce Price

- Canteen Worker

There’s really not much to say about this one lol Joyce would be working at the canteen, now the canteen is were all the criminals and gangsters hang out at, smugglers too, she even sees Chloe there in every once and a while, she wishes though the people weren’t so violent and to get into fights all the times, she’ll sometimes break it up if it’s not as crazy but most of the time she’ll wait for the canteen Sucurity to break it up instead.

Warren Graham

- Companion Droid

Warren is most definitely a companion droid! He’ll most definitely help max and Chloe on their journeys, he won’t be like a R2D2 or BB8 but like a C-3PO type of droid, it would just make me laugh to hear all the funny interactions him, max and Chloe could have, the Jedi counsel sent max on a very special mission and to help her along the way she needs to pick up a droid to guide her, heading to the droid shop she was told that there was one more left and bam! Warren as a droid would be very funny! Lol.

Kate Marsh

- Force Follower

Really not much to say about this one lol Kate would just be a devote follower of the force just like in life is strange, the force is just like modern day religion honestly lol

Please like and Repost!

[everlarkficexchange]

Everlark Fic Exchange. PROMPTS

Springtime Edition 2021.

These are the prompts we’ve received so far.

Crossed out prompts have already been selected and are being turned into fics!

A huge ‘Thank you’ to everyone who’s taken the time to come up with an idea and send it our way. Your prompts are the heart of the Exchange. Without them, our authors wouldn’t get to write all those beautiful fics. So, please, keep them coming!

You haven’t sent anything yet? Don’t worry, there’s still time. We’ll be receiving prompts until March 7.  Don’t be afraid to inspire us!

Prompts:

Prompt 1: “No, I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you.” (Peeta’s pov of the girls who made impressions that didn’t last and the ones Katniss made that did.) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 2: “Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity” - When they are assigned to the same group in middleschool Home Ec class, Peeta seizes the opportunity to pursue Katniss using all his well-honed family bakery and salesmanship skills. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 3: I would like to see some everlark where Finnick walks in on them or Johanna and the there victors make fun of them for what they heard [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 4: Trope: Jealousy Katniss. Modern AU Katniss Everdeen sees his ex boyfriend as the date of one of her coworkers in the company party. She shouldn’t care, because she broke with him, one year ago and still.... when their song plays, against her better judgements, she finds herself dancing with him. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 5: Peeta and Katniss were both rescued in the arena and Peeta shares a bunk in D13 with Finnick - Finnick was sleeping and Peeta and Katniss doesn't see him there in the dark hours while they are tangled in lust and desire - either when everlark is doing it and realizes finnick is there or maybe finnicks POV as he is listening silently or even telling Johanna about it the next day - maybe he even stops them mid fuck with a snide sarcastic remark it's up to you [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 6: Modern AU. High School or College Everlark. Make the “booth Kiss” but Everlark! Peeta is the big brother of Katniss best friend, and she never imagined rule number #9 would become a problem. “Rule #9: Relatives of your best friend are off-limits.” [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 7: Prompt: Butthurt emotionally immature Peeta acts the asshat manwhore around Katniss when, in misinterpreting her, he believes that she thinks he’s not good enough for her. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 8: Age gap. Peeta and Katniss are cast as the romantic leads in a show (tv, film, stage, or even a commercial). Of course they cast someone half his age. Peeta can’t help falling for her anyway. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 9: Canon-Divergent/ In Panem D12 “I waited for you” he said but she dint’t reply. He pressed for an answer he knew he deserved, “under the rain, Katniss. I waited for you, under the rain... why would you do that?” / “I can’t do this anymore, Peeta” / “Bullshit, you can but you just don’t want. I thought you were brave!” he yelled at her looking for any reaction that will give some hope. His tears threatening to run down his face. / She didn’t move, and she didn’t correct her, so he ran away and slammed the door behind him. / “I love you” Katniss said to an empty room. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 10: Canon Divergent. When Peeta is rescued from the Capitol and brought to D13, he’s forgotten everything related to Katniss. The Capitol has erased his memories: no Valley Song, no bread, no games, ... nothing. It’s the perfect opportunity for Katniss to let it go, it’s what every tells her... but she still kisses his pearl goodnight. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 11: Prim is marrying before starting her dream job as a pediatric surgeon in another district. 30-something Katniss is proud, thrilled, and yet bereft when her entire life was lived for Prim. She’s never even dated. Has Peeta been waiting for this moment to make his move? Or do they meet at the wedding? Or when her friend drags Katniss out of her slump to a party or on a wild vacation after convincing her to quit her jobs and start a new life? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 12: Fae Katniss. She’s been with him his entire life, so Peeta simply accepted that no one else could see her, thought other people had their own Katniss. She’d been called his imaginary friend and later a crutch, a figment of his imagination, a delusion. Dr. A asks him to make a “real” friend, ignore Katniss, try going on a date. But Katniss won’t be ignored. And a jealous Katniss is a force. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 13: Katniss is “just one of the guys” and the only girl in school who’s never been asked for a date by any of these guys. One day she’s “discovered” by a modeling agency and whisked to the Capital. She returns 3-months later with a new look, new found confidence, and cash. How will Peeta deal with the new Katniss and all the attention she gets from everyone?  [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 14: Peeta is 17 when it comes out the only thing his mother ever cooked was the books; he loses his home, his family, his roll in the community. Katniss is 17 when she loses her only reason for living. What brings them together? How do they help each other survive? What forces work against them? When do they accept the other as ally, as friend, as lover? Canon divergent. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 15: 16-yr-old Peeta’s family moves away. 10 years later he returns and buys a foreclosed upon fixer-upper. When does he learn it belonged to Katniss’s family? She still lives there and hides from him, observes him, haunts him, and ruins all his romantic dates when he’s trying to impress women by making them dinner. Does she learn all she needs to know about him and fall in love before he discovers she’s real and living with him and the one who’s been ruining his love life? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 16: canon divergent, arranged marriage. Many, many years after the rebellion, old victor and mockingjay Haymitch living alone finally starts accepting help, hires teenagers Katniss to bring him liquor and pick up packages and Peeta to bring food and do some chores. The old man sees how the 2 could be good for each other, and being strategic, manipulative, and an old romantic fool with regrets over “the one that got away,” he writes a will leaving his huge fortune to Peeta and Katniss on the condition they have a big romantic wedding within 30 days and live in his mansion caring for his Effie Rose Garden (“Creamy buds unfurl to reveal a memorable heart of buttery yellow, dusty apricot and zesty orange. From a cupped bloom, Rose Effie gradually opens to a perfect rosette, showcasing her splendor.”) And geese.  [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 17: AU, supernatural. “The Monkey's Paw" retelling - 3 wishes are granted (to the owner of the monkey's paw, either Katniss or Peeta) but the wishes come with an enormous price for interfering with fate. Will the last wish make things right? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 18: enemies to lovers. Katniss ruins Peeta’s relationship or his shot with a super hot woman. Peeta ruins Katniss’s shot at great job or security with potential fiancé. Other series of embarrassments and cockblocking type events? Will they start sabotaging each other for revenge? Will they have angry sex or will it dawn on them that they’re actually attracted to each other first and make everything awkward before they instead have a sweet vulnerable moment and slow reverent love-making? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 19: based loosely on retelling of biblical Jacob and wives Rachel and Leah in that polygamist Peeta is husband to both Katniss and Prim. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 20: Peeta works in ER or long-term care facility. Katniss called in from next-of-kin list and has to decide whether to pull the plug on Prim. They argue over value and meaning of life, over spiritual beliefs and doubts of afterlife, over everything. What will she do? Will this event in this one room be the only thing they ever share, or will the bond they forge through this emotional event be the beginning for them? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 21: Graduating senior Katniss finally accepts an invitation to one of Madge’s wild, unsupervised parties completely unprepared for what goes on in them. Everyone at the party notices her for different reasons from jealousy over the way she looks to suspicion that she’s going to tell parents about the activities to desire to ruin her good girl reputation. Peeta has never missed a party - how does he react to seeing her there? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 22: Their creative writing assignment is to write a short story or poem and to illustrate it as a sketch, painting, animation, with puppets, anything goes. Classmates Katniss and Peeta base their works on the exact same shared experience! (such as the burnt bread, the dandelion, the meadow at sunset, something else entirely). Reaction? People think one of them copied the idea off the other or that they worked together. But Katniss and Peeta realize that the other one remembers, and it meant something to them, too! Will they finally talk? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 23: social media type craziness enemies to lovers. Katniss and Peeta each host a YouTube channel rapidly growing in popularity, Peeta focuses on baking and Katniss on wild game cooking, a competition for audience share becomes personal after they both bake a meat pie recipe, viewers begin to rabidly support their favorite or to ship them together hard, they start to hate each other without ever meeting, maybe they get forced into interacting for a charity benefit, things get ugly, maybe one or both has significant other who react badly to the shipping hype? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 24: While no one expected Katniss to show up to graduation right after her mother passed away and her sister died, they were surprised that she disappeared completely, and even more stunned when she reappeared years later to claim the town’s only apothecary as the last living family member. What compels her to take it over? Where has she been? What kind of welcome does she get? How does she feel about returning and about town life? What’s been going on with Peeta, is he the baker, is he single, a dad, how’s he been all these years? Will talking with him be awkward? Has he changed? Who has Katniss become? Does she seem different? Will she stay? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 25: Katniss is the new girl at this school, transferred to get a better education. Everything about her is alluring, even more so because she doesn’t see the effect she has. Seems everyone is in a clique. She learns that some people are mean and compete like it’s a fight to the death. How does she survive this new arena, learn to identify friends, and stay true to her values under this pressure to fit in? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 26: MJ canon divergent: Prim was not killed. Gale and Katniss attempted to get back to how they were before the war, but he realized he already lost Katniss' to Peeta - heart, body and soul. Any POV. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 27: Everlark in a Tangled!AU, with Katniss as Eugene, and Peeta as Rapunzel (without the super long hair...he has lovely, curly blond locks that heal when combed along to the song...but boy uses a rope to get people in/out of the tower!) [submitted by @albinokittens300]

Prompt 28: Modern AU: Bestfriends!Everlark took their shot at being lovers. But Katniss introduced Peeta as her "bestfriend" to a guy in a party (she was not used to calling him boyfriend yet). He was furious. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 29: I want to request a fic where Katniss and Peeta almost lost their first child and it just made their love and relationship even stronger. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 30: Peeta is Katniss’ tantric yoga teacher. She joins the class on a dare from Johanna and is committed to attending for 3 months. She hates it...at first. Smut happens. [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 31: Peeta Mellark, breakout star and heartthrob has just been cast in the newest highly anticipated fantasy epic (think like Jon Snow in GoT....or whatever because this is just a prompt) His character is highly skilled with a sword and absolutely lethal with a bow. Him and the rest of the cast have to do three months of intensive training prior to production. How will that go with him having a massive crush on Katniss Everdeen, weapons expert and fight choreographer? [submitted by @nightlock-89]

Prompt 32: Katniss Everdeen, famous musician hates posing for photoshoots whether it's for an album or a magazine with the exception of celebrity photographer Peeta Mellark who seems to always know the way to get the best shots. [submitted by @nightlock-89​]

Prompt 33: Based off the movie The Vow except it's Peeta who wakes up to find out he's married to his childhood crush Katniss Everdeen with no knowledge of them ever even dating. [submitted by @nightlock-89​​]

Prompt 34: Modern AU where a forty year old Katniss has shut herself off from the world from fear of getting hurt. After her sister dies she realizes how isolated she is and now wants to open herself up to love, but hasn’t a clue where to begin. Everlark HEA - the details of how they meet and what Peeta’s been up to are entirely up to you. :) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 35: Katniss and Peeta tet to have a date night but the babysitter calls for some "disaster" at home (a burst pipe or something, nothing serious). [submitted by @booksrockmyface]

Prompt 36: Katniss and Peeta are both single parents. They meet while chaperoning a field trip. The rest is up to you! [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 37: Forbidden romance AU: Katniss is the school principal. Peeta is a new teacher fresh out of college. Age!gap Everlark. Smut happens. [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 38: Both Katniss and Peeta are rescued from the arena, and Peeta’s entire family makes it safely to D13. How does everyone get along? (Perhaps the older Mellark brothers have a “chat” with Gale? Or the Hawthornes, Mellarks and Everdeens meet up for the first time at dinner and a fight breaks out? Does anyone have anything to say about the beach kiss?? Prim? Rye? Gale? Will Katniss stick by Peeta or avoid meeting the expectations she set with that beach kiss and declaration of “I need you”?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 39: Katniss has been bumping into the same stranger (Peeta) for months. When they get stuck in an unfortunate situation together, she decides to be the first to say hello. [submitted by @eiramrelyat]

Prompt 40: Katniss is finally, after a long fight with infertility, expecting their second baby. She plans to share this news with Peeta in a big way. Just some sweet, happy Everlark excited for their second toastbaby! [submitted by @albinokittens300]

Prompt 41: based on high school musical. katniss as gabriella, the smart, great singer and shy girl who starts a friendship w the football star player of the school peeta mellark after singing together at a new year's day's party. could be based on the events of one or all three movies. just some light, fluff high school romance and a very hea. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 42: Group of friends. Economic disaster, no jobs; eventually in desperation someone in the group suggests making a porno for $, the idea takes off, as they work on a script and put out ideas, alot becomes clear, like who has kinks, who has tried a lot, and that one is an inexperienced virgin. Does the writing experience have consequences to the group dynamic, will they actually film and sell it, will they stay friends? Are any couples or siblings part of the group? Are secrets revealed through brainstorming? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 43: After getting her to agree to be his girlfriend, Gale calls Katniss frigid for not being ready for more than handholding and chaste kisses. In effort thaw her faster, he makes an appointment with a team of sex experts, Mellark, Mason, and Undersee (offering MD diagnostics, individual and couple counseling, sex surrogacy help). The professional team breaks under strain of dealing with jackass Gale. Katniss breaks all ties with him and learns in working with the team that she wants sex and just how she likes it. (Is it M/F, F/F, 3-way...) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 44: First-date Everlark. How do they know each other? Who asked who? How do they prepare? Where do they go? How old are they? Does the first date end with a kiss? Pancakes? Request for another? Is it perfect or a disaster so epic they actually have fun and agree to a second first-date? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 45: Peeta works security (peacekeeper? police?), Katniss is a protester (rebellion? BLM?) or a civilian (rebel?) or a local translator in her village. Do they know each other at all? Work together? Fight on opposite sides or meet at common ground? What threatens them? Are their feelings real? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 46: They really do toast privately in CF - katniss wearing an orange dress for peeta and peeta making cheese buns for katniss. They wanted something their own. No one knows about it and there’s no baby (as far they know) but how would this change their relationship? How they make their decisions? Would anyone actually believe they’re married when she gets to district 13? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 47: Katniss and peeta have a secret semi-relationship prior to the 74th games resulting in a child. Katniss’ family hides it was her pregnancy and pretends its mrs everdeens - assuming katniss went to cray or something. What happens when both katniss and peeta are reaped? Will peeta learn of his child? Will anything change during the games? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 48: Mrs. Mellark survived the bombing of district 12 because she was squatting at Peeta’s house. How does this event change her and how does this effect Everlark? (Does this count as an eligible prompt? I just think it would be a great dynamic!) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 49: Age gap. Peeta is a kid in love, driven to enlist, returns as amputee, expects no woman will have him, let alone Katniss. She has become a skilled healer, comes to care for him. He makes her heart full again, she renews him. Age becomes irrelevant. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 50: Fae Peeta or some other supernatural. Mellarks are secretly fae and Peeta meets his mate *Katniss* on the first day of school. katniss is human and it’s dangerous for them to interact when they are so young still. Peeta is forbidden to interact with her until the 74th games - where he will do everything he can to save her. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 51: Katniss and Peeta unknowingly have super powers. Anything beyond regular human is rare or unheard of in Panem. For some reason it manifests in both of them and comes out as they both fight to protect each other’s lives in the games. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 52: An AU based on Casper The movie from 1995 (just rewatched this movie, it gaves me so much EverLark vibes^^). Katniss comes to live in an old house alone or with family. Peeta is a ghost staying in this house for who knows how long. He doesn't remember much of his living life. The house is full of secrets. They try to discover the story of Peeta and of course they fell in love ! How can it be a happy ending ? 😉 [submitted by @dreamingreaderuniverse]

Prompt 53: Peeta has a harder time after the 74th games then anyone realizes. PTSD, the virtual abandonment of his family, and Katniss’ lack of interest in him, he’s in a bad place. He puts up a front when around Katniss and Haymitch, but things come to head when he gets an anxiety/panic attack while on the victory tour. Katniss is there for him. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 54: Madge has hosted “Beach Week!” ever since her family acquired the multi-dwelling retreat years ago. Katniss never had the $ to go, but with Madge relocating to Paris, Katniss lets Madge cover her share of the expenses with the promise to make it the best! week! ever! Katniss assumes Madge means taking a turn at karaoke or *gulp* going skinny dipping by moonlight. She learns that Madge and her many guests shed all inhibitions, especially with this being their last chance to go wild. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 55: Arriving in D13, it’s quickly discovered that Peeta will never be the same. Mixed with a failed high jacking, and a brutal beating, Peeta’s brain will never be the same. He’s childlike and mostly nonverbal, but Katniss still sees her Boy with Bread and will protect him at all costs.[submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 56: Peeta wasn’t highjacked in MJ. He was tortured, but not set against Katniss. After Peeta’s warning to D13 he receives the punishment for treason: he becomes an avox. [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 57: Girl Scout Cookies come to D12: real world trackerjacker venom to a proud 4th generation baker. Is his own daughter a new scout? Is he asked to lead the fundraiser? Does troop leader Katniss come by with her scouts asking to set up a sales table in front of Mellark Bakery? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 58: Katniss’s grandchild is full of questions: why does grandpa walk funny? why is your yard have only dandelions when everybody else only has grass? why can’t I pick the prim roses - they’re yellow, too ... did you know I could eat this many cheesebuns? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 59: Katniss dad is a victor he won his hunger games and is a mentor. Peeta is reaped for the games and Katniss begs her dad to help him win the games. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 60: Quote prompt: I can see in his eyes what I've done is unforgivable ... "Who can't lie, Peeta?" (Maybe Katniss and Mrs Mellark manipulate situation to get what they think is best for Peeta, sacrificing relationship and destroying trust? Does he leave for years? Does she ever apologize enough to renew a friendship? Was he forced to live a different life than what he wanted? Or does he live his dream life but without Katniss? Is he happily married with kids when she sees him a few years later? Or is he an old bitter man who never loved or trusted again?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 61: The Hunger Games is real - you can go home with your winnings to live HEA. Katniss and Peeta celebrate with sex. Unfortunately, the beauty treatment chemicals stimulate the gonads, and Katniss finds she’s carrying not just one Mellark baby but eight. They’ll need more $. Haymitch suggests a reality tv show. Everyone must play a roll to earn a salary - Mrs Mellark plays the loving grandma (off camera, she’s still a mean bitch), who else will take on a tv persona? They jam in many ridiculous product placements. They slap their logo onto anything they can sell to capitolites. How far will they go to keep those baby butts in clean diapers? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 62: Katniss is the football team’s new kicker and the league’s first and only female player. It’s their first road trip. She’d heard stories about what goes on from head cheerleader Madge and piccolo player Delly. Katniss deals with locker room issues, getting respect she earned for her skill, handling the culture of drinking and casual sex, dealing with possessive girls jealous of her time with the guys or others influencing her to change her look or her attitude, finding what makes her happy and what is real. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 63: Enemies to lovers; Katniss and Peeta are rival business owners (located right next door to each other). A blackout during a snowstorm pushes them together and they are forced to face their true feelings. Do that really "hate" each other, or is their intense desire for one another manifesting itself in other ways? Before the night is over, they find themselves locked in the other's arms. [submitted by @ameliaodair]

Prompt 64: Katniss and Peeta are in a scary car accident - bring on the angst! With happy ending of course :) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 65: 74th games - Katniss is being cornered by a male tribute (whoever you want) early on in the games. She doesn’t have her bow and he’s larger and stronger. He quickly over powers her but he’s not looking to kill her - he has more nefarious ideas. Peeta finds them and doesn’t hesitate to tackle the tribute off of Katniss and kills him in rage. Katniss doesn’t leave Peeta’s side after this moment. How does this change Katniss and the rest of the books? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 66: A story told in pictures. Like, Instagram of their stuff only, as Katniss and Peeta get in to college, change roommates, suffer loss, move on, eventually see their stuff together when they cohabitate, or maybe start there and go through drama of breakup until find way back together. (Like the supposition that your garden looks overgrown is a clue that your husband is having an affair type of idea). [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 67: 🌈❤️🦋Katniss and Peeta are the cutest couple!🌸❤️🦄Everbody hates them. Everyone tries to break them up, for their own reason, using their own methods. Damn it, it only makes their love stronger! It ends in some triumph, like celebration of their golden anniversary or other great fortune. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 68: Katniss always wanted to be a mother, she just never wanted to admit it with the Games hanging over everyone’s heads. So when the war is over and everything is real for Katniss and Peeta, she’s wants to start a family with Peeta. Only- Peeta has never wanted kids. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 69: It’s the start of the holiday shopping season. The Hunger Games Victors’ big public event is attending the grand opening of a huge new toy store where they are presented with hottest must-have new toys: action figures of themselves. Afterwards, they start playing with their dolls. Johanna’s is quickly naked. Is Finnick’s anatomically correct? Anyone jealous of Katniss’s doll coming with the Cinna Collection accessories? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 70: Everlark AU Where the Heart Is (movie) - heavily pregnant Katniss is abandoned at a Walmart in the middle of nowhere by her baby daddy. Homeless and with nowhere to go, Katniss secretly bunks at Walmart each day. One early morning she goes into labor and is discovered by the blue eyed and kind employee Peeta who immediately jumps in to help. Admitting to having no one or place to go to Nurse Effie, Katniss finds herself and her baby the reluctant charge of Haymitch Abernathy. [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 71: Magic of Ordinary Days AU: 1940s, Katniss is a single pregnant girl. Desperate for her daughter not to have a child out of wedlock, Mrs Everdeen contacts a priest who in turn knows a young man who just may be willing to help. Sweet, kind and shy Peeta stayed home to take care of the family farm when his beloved brother went to war to never come back. He’s always wanted a family but rural small town life gives little chance to court. He hears of Katniss’ plight and graciously offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. He does everything he can think of to make a home for Katniss and the baby. How does Katniss take it? How does their relationship develop? Will they fall in love? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 72: Post MJ Everlark Parallel to the CF Scene that takes place after the jabberjay hour. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 73: Katniss looses a baby before they have Toastbaby one [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 74: Con man Peeta has an elaborate operation fleecing money out of unsuspecting wealthy victims. Why does he do it? Is it a Robin Hood type operation to redistribute money to the underprivileged and marginalized people? Or is it more selfishly oriented? He can’t do it alone and hires Katniss as a “research assistant.” Authors choice as to what exactly her role is. Does she help select the victims? The recipients of the funds? Or is she involved in planning and executing the cons? Does she help him discover the errors of his ways if he’s doing it for himself? Whatever the plan is, falling in love is not part of it and when you lose focus of the plan, bad things happen. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 75: Black swan style AU with Peeta as Odette and/or Odelle. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 76: Vignettes from a mother’s eye. Everlark through the eyes of Mrs Everdeen, Mrs Mellark, Mrs Hawthorne. One of them or any combination of the three. Canon compliant or any AU. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 77: Married Everlark are coworkers and their marriage is on the rocks. They’ve been sleeping in separate rooms. Divorce looks inevitable. On a business trip, there is *dramatic pause* only one bed. Does the forced closeness lead them to really talk for the first time in months or does it drive them further apart? Smut not required. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 78: Everlark in their twilight years. What do their relationships with the toastbabies look like? Are there grandkids? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 79: This holiday is dumb, Katniss says every year even as Peeta goes all out with the traditions, decorations, themed baked goods, cajoling Katniss to partake in activities. Now there’s a toastbaby on the way and for some reason, Peeta doesn’t do any of the things he usually does for the holiday. How does Katniss react? Relieved? Or does she realize she actually loves his zeal and tries to spark the spirit back into him? Writer picks the holiday and level of cheesy fluff. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 80: How does that work? They were roommates and best friends. When they meet a couple who has a common law marriage, Everlark starts to wonder if it applies to them too. Go angsty or fluffy or crazy, wherever the muse takes you. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 81: Shakespearean style AU in the vein of Still Star Crossed. Katniss and Peeta were not the famed star crossed lovers. Someone else was. But while the deaths of their best friends are still fresh, Katniss and Peeta find themselves in an arranged marriage to hopefully heal the rift. Tell me their story. Any time period or setting welcome. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 82: Everlark + Taylor Swift. I'll make it easy. Any song, write a fic based on it. Are Katniss or Peeta the songwriter, or the ones living out the ending? [submitted by @archersandsunsets]

Prompt 83: Katniss gets stung by tracker jackers post mj, Peeta take care of his wife [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 84: Elementary School - the beginning of having a “girlfriend/boyfriend” - Katniss’s best friends (Maggie and Gale) are the “it couple”. She really doesn’t care - she can sit with her friend Jo at lunch and hangs out on the monkey bars alone. Until a new boy comes to school! [submitted by @winegirl65]

Prompt 85: Arranged Marriage!Everlark. (Not medieval necessarily but ‘old time’ setting) Peeta and Katniss have been betrothed since they were children, but have only seen each other through portraits/paintings. Both grow resentful of their arranged marriage, and act up against it; K being as wild and unladylike as possible: hunting, wearing trousers, riding bareback; P being a rake, silver tongue con artist, etc. A month before their wedding, they meet at a The Hub (black market/pub/whatever disresputable place you want it to be) and bet at arm wrestling against each other. Is it love at first sight? Do they armwrestle each other? Do they recognize one another? Will there be smut because ‘hey, we’ll be marry in a month anyway’? Writers choice! [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 86: Katniss is married to Gale, but they have an open marriage. Gale sleeps around and has other girlfriends, but Katniss is only intimide with her best friend, Peeta - extra brownie points if Everlark have toast babies or Kat leaves Gale for Peeta. Thank you! [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 87: Katniss is desperate for a job. She applies for a job with the following description, even though she isn’t fully qualified: We are looking to hire a Data Analyst to join our data team. You will take responsibility for managing our master data set, developing reports, and troubleshooting data issues. To do well in this role you need a very fine eye for detail, experience as a data analyst, and a deep understanding of the popular data analysis tools and databases.Peeta’s just doing his friend a favor, applying for a job he’s definitely not qualified for in order to keep an eye on his friend’s crazy uncle.What happens when Katniss and Peeta are the only applicants for the job of data analyst to Supervillain Haymitch? Will they find a way to both get what they need? Do they stick to the job description or discover that there’s much more to the phrase “Others duties as assigned”? What about Haymitch? His nefarious plans always go awry, and actually don’t seem all that evil, but perhaps with the help of his two questionable new data analysts, he can finally expose two-faced Superhero Coin for the dastardly villain she is. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 88: Peeta designs “toys” for his adult shop. He hires Katniss to test his products, she has to fill a questionnaire for feed back or something of the sort. One day she comes in complaining that one of the toys doesn’t work; Peeta thinks she’s not using it properly, so he sits in to watch her try it once more... “to take notes”. She is indeed using it wrong, so he steps in to show her the correct way. [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 89: If Prim and Peeta are never reaped, and Mrs Mellark and Prim die after the 75th Games, and widower Mr Mellark marries widow Mrs Everdeen, what would happen to Katniss? We know from the book that her mom would leave her. And, what would Peeta do? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 90: The Olympic committee is selling sponsorships and heavily advertising the upcoming games. The most photogenic of each sport is asked to pose for pics and attend functions, film commercial together, do some interviews. What sports represented by Katniss, Peeta, others? Required to look cozy? Animosity behind those smiles? Competitiveness? Banter? Any secrets? Do they have a “breakfast club” ending? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 91: Katniss senses something is amiss before the bakery door opens: chaos as Mr. Mellark incapacitated (throws out back?) on one of their busiest days! Mrs M never acknowledged K before, but they desperately need kitchen help, now! And K is more than capable of working hard. A bargain is struck to clean up and follow all other directions thrown at her in exchange for bread and coin. Hard negotiations? Peeta’s reaction? Is it Katniss and all 3 boys in the back? Do the older 2 know her? Any talking? How does the long day go? Does it end well for Peeta? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 92: Years later, the blocked mine shaft is finally cleared, and the bodies are recovered. Will recovery of her father’s remains help Katniss or make things worse? Will the community do anything to honor the men? Will the Everdeens get any personal effects, did he leave a message for Katniss? Will there be evidence that leads to prosecution and $ settlement? Will Peeta, Gale, community, mom, Prim be there to support K? Who can she talk to? Is she changed? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 93: Mr Hawthorne doesn’t die in the mine explosion. It’s he who Katniss meets in the woods and becomes her hunting partner, and eventually a father figure when he starts offering advice on what to do once she graduates. He sees how the baker’s son acts, but he has 3 sons who need strong, hard-working and skilled wives, and he saw Mrs E leave town life behind. Peeta never sees K with Gale - what impact does that have on him? Does Mr H speak of rebellion or does he stay quiet on the subject? Does Katniss see the Hawthorns happily married and modify views on marriage if not on raising a family? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 94: Chris Pratt was a “kick ass” door to door coupon salesman. That could be Peeta! Vacuum cleaner sales, and he has to come in for a demonstration! He’s charming, but does his pitch earn him a sale? Does his cleaner choke on all the cat hair from buttercup? Does the powerful unit suck up something of value? Is it even her house or is she house sitting and wasting his time? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 95: Peeta is also rescued or ah least when he is saved from the capitol he isn’t hijacked which leads to katniss and peeta finally dating - Johanna and finnick still make fun of the happy couple about being so “pure” and one day they have enough - either they purposely do the deed loudly or something in front of them or whatever it is, make it steamy! Or.......peeta exxagerates and tells finnick and Johanna what they have done together in an attempt to prove how unpure they are and Katniss overhears and finally does all the things peeta was explaining [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 96: The Games ended with the rebellion years ago, but now you can “experience all the excitement for yourself at Disney’s newest theme park The Hunger Games! Take a wild train ride into a real replica arena! Experience the thrill of virtually racing to the 3-D weapons pile then trade your kill count tickets in for arcade prizes! Flex your muscles swinging real replica axes and swords! Try on costumes, or enjoy a spa day at Beauty Base Zero! Enjoy an all-you-can-eat meal at The Cornucopia Buffet!” So, who wants to go? Or, who works there? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 97: Everlark cuddling. That’s it. That’s the prompt. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 98: Toned, nubile, athletic Katniss and Peeta are hired as stunt and body doubles for a couple of famous film actors who have been liberally airbrushed for the promo pics. The $ is good. No one can know. A lot of nudity. No dialogue, just well timed grunts and groans. One talks a lot when nervous between takes. Some embarrassing moments. Friendship and trust built over time. When it’s over, can they walk away? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 99: I want a smutty filled fanfic in d13 if Peeta wasnt hijacked and or captured. Are they in a relationship? How does this change Katniss’ relationship with Gale? What does Johanna think of it all? Does Finnick make fun of them but slap Peeta on the back? Does Mrs. Everdeen have an awkward conversation with Katniss about birth control? Does anyone overhear or walk in? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 100: Can be modern canon compliant divergent or whatever but with Johanna and Finnick and or Haymitch talking about Everlark and what they have or haven’t done yet. They all make a bet to see who is right and how far the star crossed lovers have taken there physical and emotional relationship. Extra points if Finnick knowingly smiles at Peeta or Everlark tells them who is right. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 101: Artist Peeta’s niche: option 1: pets - portraits dressed in period costumes with or without owner, or perfectly painted on sugar cookie, other medium? Does Prim want it, or does Katniss surprise gift it to Prim? Buttercup or Lady? In studio or outdoors? Is K indulgent or exasperated? option 2: uptight Katniss discovers that Prim had erotic boudoir photos taken of herself, and neither she nor photographer Peeta told her! She would have stopped Prim. Who is Peeta to katniss? Is Peeta insulted by what she spews out about his job and art? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 102: Peeta and Katniss are both made to wait outside the principals office. One of them in trouble for getting into a fight. The other ? Conversation started by the one not seething. As the hour drags on, they discover common ground and attraction. Suddenly, principal opens office door, and the moment is gone. Do they find way to each other at school? Or in big high school, do they happen to see each other years later under very different circumstances? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 103: Nonhijacked Peeta in d13 needs advice from Finnick about well, you know, how to fuck a girl. And well Katniss goes to Johanna or Annie for the same thing. Will Finnick and Johanna and or Annie tell each other about Katniss and Peeta asking advice? Will they purposely sabotage Everlark by giving them funny bad advice? Will they purposely and awkwardly talk about it at lunch with Gale there? Up to you but make it funny and hot [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 104: Everlark before the quell starts to get intimate, when it dawns on them that Katniss doesn’t want to get pregnant and frankly, either does Peeta however this is something they want to experience. So what do they do? Ask Panem’s biggest heartthrob Finnick for some condoms. Hopefully when the victors have training the next day at lunch, Finnick hasn’t told anyone. Hopefully....😏 [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 105: Katniss is lucky enough to be upgraded to First Class on a flight home to visit her mother and younger sister. Little does she know that onboard is one of Panem’s most important, and consequently, most handsome men, and he takes a shining to her. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 106: Peeta is a pearl diver/diver/oceanographer. He’s been looking for the perfect way to propose to his longtime girlfriend, Katniss, and thinks he’s found it when he discovers a rare pearl under the sea. The problem is, Katniss isn’t the only one who appreciates his find. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 107: When her boyfriend cheats, Katniss gets her revenge by making a pass at her boyfriend’s greatest enemy. She only intended to flirt with him to piss off her cheating ex, but things spiral out of control, and they wind up in a dangerously passionate entanglement. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 108: Everlark fall for one another over a blood transfusion. It happens not once, but twice. His blood runs through her veins, and now hers runs through his. What are the odds they would save each other’s lives? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 109: Haymitch as a matchmaker. Nuff’ said. His matches are always disasters, but one time, he gets it exactly right when he sets up his neighbors, a stoic girl with a braid and a lonely, blond baker boy. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 110: A group of bachelorettes/bridesmaids kidnap groom-to-be, Peeta Mellark, in order to convince him that he's marrying the wrong woman, and that he should, in fact, be with their friend and fellow bridesmaid, Katniss Everdeen. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 111: Peeta is a struggling post-graduate art major. He finally finds a place he can afford because the landlord cuts him some slack on the rent. One day, his landlord becomes ill/injured and his daughter/niece takes over. Peeta's instantly smitten with her, but she insists on the full rent. Will Peeta find a way to pay his sexy landlord? Can he also win her heart? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 112: Katniss's family owns a Mexican restaurant. Peeta and his friends come in, and he's immediately captivated by her. He keeps coming back, hoping to win her over, but he makes the mistake of inadvertently insulting her/her family. Can he make amends? Will she ever go out with him? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 113: she’s the man au featuring katniss and gale as the twins, peeta as duke, and madge as Olivia. [submitted by @thegirlwhowokethedreamer]

Prompt 114: Inspired by THIS picture I found - finnick understands Peeta and katniss' love for one another in his point of view [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 115: Post mockingjay, everlark picnic in the meadow, with child or without whatever you feel I just want happy thriving everlark post war [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 116: Hades Peeta and Persephone Katniss fanfic. Maybe Katniss is being abused or needs a reason to leave Olympus and Peeta provides that for her or Peeta just takes her. Peeta may bit of a douche or even dark!Peeta but the two warm up to each other eventually. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 117: Dark!Peeta fanfic where he is a stalker, kidnapper, or serial killer. But he does all of these things because it’s his way of protecting Katniss and ensuring they will be together. Katniss finds out in the end and chaos ensues [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 118: Under the Tuscan Sun AU: Reeling from the breakdown of her marriage due to her partner's infidelity, and struggling to follow up a successful book release, Katniss's friends book her a trip on a bus tour through Tuscany, Italy, to try and help her move on. When she accidentally ends up buying a villa in the Tuscan countryside, she finds not only new inspiration but a new chance at love in the form of her blonde-haired contractor, Peeta Mellark. [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 119: what if Katniss and Peeta didn't get interrupted by finnick that night on the beach in the quell? Would they have kept going? Would the outcome of the night change since that new relationship step where they absolutely would have refused to be seperated? [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 120: In the blast in THG, Katniss loses hearing in BOTH ears - she's miraculously able to hear the announcement of the 2 tributes from the same district (maybe it's just super muffled??) how does katniss handle the rest of the games without her hearing? how is peeta able to communicate with her? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 121: Secret lovers!Everlark, aged 20s: They've been a group of friends with Gale and Finnick. Katniss has always been "one of the boys" and seemed uninterested with boys... until Peeta and she had this drunken confession night and they've been hiding kisses and touches since. Summer in a few weeks, they want to go officially together to their annual beach trip, and they start planning how to break it to their friends gently... especially to Gale whom she turned down in college. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 122: a day in the bakery with Peeta and Katniss ... could be modern or in Panem ... I’ve just been watching a lot of Korean cafe videos and I need detailed descriptions of cake and cute couple moments 🍰 [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 123: wholesome late 1700s Austen-esque romance with local country pastor Peeta (a la Henry Tilney) and his pretty, windswept parishioner, Miss Katniss Everdeen (a la any Austen heroine) with the angelic singing voice and dandelion trimmed bonnet [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 124: The war is over, Peeta has been home for 6 months and things have been gradually better between him and Katniss. Just as Katniss starts to realize how much she needs Peeta things begin to fall apart and he is quick regressing into the tortured Capitol mutt. The Doctors say there is no hope. Katniss convinces Beetee to break into Peeta's medical files and discovers things about Peeta's mother noone knew, especially Peeta. Can this new information be the key to bringing her Peeta back or will it destroy both of them. [submitted by @emazura]

Prompt 125: Peeta Mellark has just started school with a disability (physical, metal, etc.). How will his best friend, Katniss Everdeen, help him through the year and navigate bullies? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 126: The Wedding Year AU. K & P meet and start dating. Early on, they learn that between the both of them they're invited to a lot of weddings (for friends, coworkers, family, whoever), even in the wedding party for some. They decide which ones they'll attend, and these weddings are spread throughout the year. The thing is K has commitment issues and isn't sure if she's even the marrying type, so how does this year of weddings play out for her and P? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 127: AU - Peeta is has two older brothers, a loving but weak father, and an abusive mother. How can the older boys comfort five year old Peeta after his mother’s attacks? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 128: broken katniss post mockingjay - super depressed about everything and the weight of what she went through is finally sinking in with no war to distract her. Peeta comes back and takes care of Katniss - either Peeta Katniss or even Haymitch’s points of view [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 129: AU Inspired by the Greek and Roman mythologies, where the Games take place in an amphitheater/arena turned into a labyrinth. How often do the games occur? Are there mythological beasts/mutts? How do Katniss and Peeta survive? Or do they not? What happens after they leave the arena? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 130: Sheep herder Peeta and quiet seamstress Katniss. That’s it. That’s the prompt. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 131: okay well somebody’s gotta do the inevitable Everlark/WandaVision crossover ... but it’s gotta end happy or I’m gonna be very upset [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 132: Katniss and Peeta are musicians writing songs about one another unbeknownst to the other. Specifically Taylor Swift's cover of Untouchable, Katniss writes about Peeta. Peeta writes Jump then Fall (maybe change it up a little) about Katniss. Please & thank you! [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 133: The victory tour is live-streamed and mandatory viewing for each district. What no one expected however, was for Snow to know Peeta was the words behind Katniss - the one he couldn’t control. When peeta starts talking about rue and thresh in D11, snow issues the command and everyone is shocked when a bang rings out and a red spot starts rapidly spreading on Peeta’s chest. Reactions and the aftermath! [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 134: Katniss and Peeta in an FLR marriage, Peeta is bisexual and so Katniss has a lot of boyfriends like Cinna, Thresh, Gale, Finnick with whom they have sexy times. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 135: Princess Katniss Everdeen was forced to marry King Snow's son Cato, to ensure that the people in her kingdom didn’t die due to famine. Too bad she falls in love with Cato's personal sex slave, Peeta Mellark. But his time in the royal harem and that with the prince has made him too broken to even consider about love. Will Katniss be able to soothe his bettered soul? What happens when the king finds out? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 136: Katniss Everdeen never had a student as unruly as Peeta Mellark. She wants to spank the hell out of him. What happens when he finally submits himself to his hot and sexy bio teacher? [submitted by @everlurked]

Prompt 137: Millionaire Katniss Everdeen is a porn film maker. Too bad she has to hire, watch and edit two of the sexist man on earth Peeta Mellark and Finnick Odair having sex when she finds out that she might be having a huge crush on Peeta. But she thinks that they are in a relationship. Will she take a chance when Peeta tells her that he is bi and actually Finnick and him are friends, comfortable with each other to do such intimate things for money and not so subtly hints that he likes her too? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 138: Katniss realizes her feelings for Peeta on the train back and is honest with herself and Peeta about how real it was for her - the beginning of a real relationship after the games [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 139: Young Katniss discovers a wolf cub caught in one of her traps while hunting with her father. They bring him home to heal and Katniss falls in love with his gorgeous blue eyes. He joins the family and becomes Katniss’ new hunting partner. As he grows, Katniss discovers the orphaned wolf’s secret. Werewolf!PeetaBonus: Jealous Gale (As friend? Hunting partner? Your choice) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 140: The west side of the village is surrounded by a vast forest that no one dares to enter. There’s a legend that states anyone who enters will die in the hands of the wolf that can’t turn back into a man. Katniss doesn’t believe this but when she reads a book, the curiosity gets to her and the only one that she could trust is the drunk man of the town. Witness her encounters this cursed being and how everything in this town isn’t what it seems. #werewolves #magic [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 141: Okay. So texting is wonderful, isn’t it? Katniss is thrilled that she can talk to people without actually talking, especially across the room when that one person you want to talk to is in a different conversation/group than you are. (This can just be fluffy, but as an added bonus, maybe it’s also a way for someone to get *flirty* - or more - with their convo, making her blush like crazy, and the people in her group wanna know what’s going on, why are you blushing..... Or even reversed where Peeta ends up blushing at something she sent. Though he would probably just grin and look up at her unabashedly, which she chided him for later because it’s a dead giveaway. OR! Katniss receives an unwanted text/set of texts from someone - named or not idc - and someone like Finnick or Jo, Gale, maybe Prim, or even Peeta - beast mode activated - sees it over her shoulder and loses their shit and starts taking over the conversation in a ridiculous and hilarious way, unbeknownst to the person responding, and to Katniss’ chagrin. Maybe even as a group, and Katniss just cannot get her phone out of their hands. (I feel like Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie would add their hilarious two cents here and there but also I have no idea how that would work. Idk. This is also known as “The prompt for something I want to write but I don’t write sexy because I’m an awkward turtle but I still want to read this”. You know. Thank you in advance to anyone who read this and/or takes it on.) [submitted by @everybirdfellsilent]

Prompt 142: An Eon ago, the powerful seer got sent a prophecy that shook the world where it stood. "The joining of the purest soulmate will bring the gift that will change the world." (Can be changed to sound so much better)Throughout the years, the prophecy has been misconstrued and manipulated to their owe benefit. Is Katniss the child, the prophecy warned or is there more to that? #Magic #Soulmates [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 143: Katniss moves into a new town for her new job when she catches the eye of the VP of the bicker gang. How long can she resist him and can she truly fit into his life? #HotPeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 144: She has a night of fun before the start of the semester. She meets this guy, they hit it off that they sleep together. But when she shows up to her class the next day, she sees the guy again. But he’s her professor and he’s way older than she originally thought. #olderPeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 145: She moves in with her aunt and uncle when her parents dies in a small town. After suffering through trama, Katniss slowly starts to get better with the help of her family (aunt, uncle, cousin) and the Mellark brothers. But when things starts happening to her and the people around her, it’s revealed that she and almost everyone in the towns are apart of the werewolf pack and that one of the Mellark brothers is her mate. #werewolves [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 146: Katniss and Peeta Mellark as the "Biggest Family of District 12!" #allthetoastbabies [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 147: An Everlark fic inspired by e.e. cummings poem I Carry Your Heart [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 148: When a wolf pup runs towards Katniss while in the forest calling her Mama, she doesn't know where they came from and how can she understand them? Is she going crazy? Who's the father? (Its the hot hunk that she meets a day later) #werewolves #toastpups [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 149: An Everlark fic based on the real life story of a kitty becoming best friends with a neighbor (I will post the video link in the comments of the answered ask). Is Peeta depressed? PTSD? Grieving? (Please no divorced/widow/single dad storyline though unless it's like adoption). How does Katniss ultimately bond with Peeta and be a healing light for him in addition to Buttercup? Tension tension tension. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 150: Katniss + Peeta idiots to lovers, modern au best friends secretly pining for one another. Ever the dynamic duo and short on cash, they decide to participate in a couples study. Who's the therapist? (Haymitch?) At what point does the therapist assigned to them realize they aren't even together? And does the therapist realize one or both is in love with the other? Big bonus points for a "It's you. It's always been you." moment. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 151: Pandemic!Everlark. It's their first zoom date and stressed out, overworked Katniss FALLS ASLEEP (maybe they were watching a show together?) Peeta stays on the line and draws her. What happens after Katniss wakes up to a sheepish Peeta with a breathtaking portrait of her? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 152: Enemies to lovers modern au. Katniss emails her group of new hires the training guide to review before they start on Monday. Monday morning just before she's set to meet with the group of trainees Katniss finds an email from new hire Peeta Mellark, attached is the training guide. Completely edited and rewritten. Lots of fuming in their first meeting and total tit for tat hijinks ensue. Torture us with the rivalry please. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 153: Best friends!Everlark who have always been in love with one another. Katniss is in a pretty serious accident, of course Peeta visits her every single day. He notices that every time he enters the room her heart monitor beeps due to elevated heart rate. He notices and finally mentions to a mutual friend (Madge? Finnick?) how it's sweet that she gets excited to see her friends, said friend rolls eyes and is like uh yeah ok "friend". Peeta's all what? Cue suspicion so next time he visits her he takes it a step further and gives little touches (brushes her hair back, strokes her cheek, grazes her arm? LET IT BURN) to see what happens. Sure enough her HR skyrockets. Tell us all the sweet and suspenseful details :))) [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 154: Soulmate au where your soulmates injuries and scars show up on your body tinted in their favorite color. Katniss through the years as she discovers new marks, pondering what it could possibly be, finally figuring out that her soulmate is being hurt way too regularly and in very specific places. Do her parents figure out Peeta is being abused? How do they find and "rescue" him? Or does Peeta live his whole childhood being abused before turning 18? Does he runaway? How do he and Katniss find their way to one another? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 155: Just a really sweet meet cute of skateboarder!Peeta wiping out the first time he sees Katniss. Bonus points for her being a skater too.[submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 156: Post MJ: Toastbabys perspective from in the womb throughout pregnancy. Bonus points for post birth moments. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 157: Miscommunication. Katniss texts Peeta that she needs some 🥖. Peeta thinks the breadstick is a euphemism of her asking him for sex. How do things play out? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 158: CF AU: Peeta gets drunk with Haymitch after the quell announcement. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 159: High school au with popular girl, valedictorian, great at sport and then there is Peeta Mellark shy, awkward, sweet but not so good in academics with a huge crush on Katniss. Will she even look at him when she already has tall, dark and handsome Gale by her side? Typical high school drama ensues. [submitted by @everlurked]

Prompt 160: Katniss witnesses a potential crime in progress and gets in contact with law enforcement. Thanks to her tip, a travesty is adverted. But why did the perpetrator seem to recognize Katniss? And when did the baker’s boy become a head FBI agent? [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 161: Katniss is texting back and forth with her older boss (who is hott and recently divorced) about a deadline. She's also bra shopping and taking photos to send to Johanna to get her opinion when she accidentally mixes up the recipients. She notices that she just hit send on the photo to Peeta by mistake (her boobs look amazing by the way, bonus points if it's sunset orange) Mortified she texts "shit, wrong person" What happens the next day at the office. Does Peeta think the pics were for a boyfriend? What's he thinking about during the staff meeting? Will Katniss be able to show her face? [submitted by @nightlock-1989]

Prompt 162: Peeta is actually the Mr. Mellark Mrs. Everdeen left behind to marry her true love when they were 18. They parted on good terms but Peeta just had to get out of town never knowing Mr Everdeens first or last name. 22 years later he returns and falls in love with frequent customer Katniss (who is of age) He brings out the playful side in her and she makes him feel young again. Katniss, who doesn't have a great relationship with her mother, doesn't tell her about the older man she's dating. While running errands, Mrs. Everdeen bumps into Katniss and Peeta, who happen to be engaged in a playful game of grab ass. Shock sets in for everyone. Does Mrs. Everdeen think Katniss is Peetas midlife crisis? Does Katniss' young age begin to nag Peeta? Huge bonus if Katniss freaks out because she realizes Peeta has fucked both her and her mom. [submitted by @nightlock-1989]

Prompt 163: Golden Age of Hollywood AU: Songbird Katniss finds herself signing a contract with The Capitol Productions, a major force in the studio system, after a casting agent hears her singing at a nightclub. Her first project is a musical with a handsome Capitol film star, Peeta Mellark. But while they agree to an engagement as fodder for film promotion, the fine print on their contract never covered the relationship becoming real... [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 164: Peeta is a handsome prince, fleeing his evil stepmother, who has stolen his rightful crown. Katniss is a skilled tracker, taking bounties to send the money back to her struggling family. Will the well-respected hunter make good on the bounty, or will her heart have a different plan? [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 165: Peeta gets with another girl after the war, while him and katniss are trying to be friends, thinking katniss doesn’t want him, but instead it only makes her insanely jealous. When she falls ill does Peeta come to her rescue or does he keep his distance to please his new gf [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 166: Peeta moves into a new town. It’s a small town but so lively but things starts getting weird when he starts encountering dead animals on his back porch. Looks like someone found their mate and is trying to empress him. #werewolfKatniss [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 167: He knows where she is at all times. What’s she’s doing and who’s she’s with. But lately she’s been hanging out with that guy for his liking and he needs to teach her and show her that she belongs to him and no one else. Her whole mind, body, and soul. !DarkPeeta #psychological #thriller #angst #mightnothaveanicehappyending [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 168: One thing that sets this community apart from the others is that is a matriarchy. But a lot of surrounding communities want to get in. When it is Katniss’s coming of age ceremony, the prophet tells her that she has the opportunity to choose a first husband from the neighboring community. Katniss was set on Gale but he became the third husband of (whoever you choose). Will she stick to her community’s men or branch out and get new blood? #olderpeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 169: A Capitolite veiwer perspective on the 74th games, maybe running right up to the first day of the Quell. Do they notice Katniss or Peeta at first, or is it one of the other tributes they like. How do the Starcrossed lovers creep up on them. Maybe reactions to Rues death, or the victory tour ( if you want to go that far) [submitted by @darkhorse-javert]

Prompt 170: Superhero/Catburglar AU: The jewel-thief Mockingjay has evaded The Capitol's superhero, Captain Strong, for long enough, and the Merchants of the city have started putting pressure on the hero to bring the thief in for justice. The only problem? The Captain is the alter-ego of teenager Peeta Mellark, and his elusive nemesis is his high school crush, Katniss Everdeen. [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 171: IndianaJones!Katniss and JiltedLover!Peeta [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 172: Secret Agent Everlark. Peeta and Katniss are undercover partners on a case in Istanbul (or what have you). They take names and kick ass. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 173: Peeta's POV in THG when he wakes up in the cave after Katniss injects him with the medicine to cure his blood poisoning, finding her in a very scary pool of blood. His perspective until she finally wakes. Canon compliant please. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 174: Victory tour AU/deleted scene, Peeta and Katniss walk along a beach in District 4, in a brief moment where they are alone, and Katniss tells Peeta why her favourite colour is green, and anything else you think would fit nicely into that conversation. Basically just Katniss opening up a little more. Either Peeta or Katniss POV. [submitted by @emilia206]

Prompt 175: Katniss hits the force field in CF instead - Peeta’s reaction [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 176: Peeta absentmindedly calls Katniss “love”. She doesn’t mind. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 177: Canon compliant Peeta's POV in MJ when the bombs go off in front of the president's mansion. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 178: A story based on THIS tweet. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 179: Prompt based on the korean drama “Lovestruck in the City”. Peeta as Jaewon and Katniss as Eunho and the rest is up to you [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 180: Capitol didn’t know hijacking but they left Peeta broken. He was sexually assaulted many times by Capitol buyers, both men and women. Will he be able to recover? How does it affect Katniss and Peeta's dynamic. Also Finnick plays a very important role in Peeta's recovery. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 181: After her parents death (possibly small pox?), Katniss goes to live with her mothers family. They accept beautiful blonde Prim instantly, but Katniss looks far too much like her Native American father. They sell her as a slave at auction to the Mellark Plantation. Even though she always works to the point of collapse, she is treated terribly by Peeta’s brutal mother. Does he help her keep in contact with Prim? or take care of her when the slave masters beat her? Does Mrs. Mellark sell her again? [submitted by @hope4hea]

Prompt 182: Canon Divergence Katniss gets caught hunting and whipped [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 183: Katniss is really pregnant in CF and forced by Snow to get an abortion [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 184: Horror-love story. Locals tell legend of “La Dame Mellark” who practiced Dark Arts, caused her family’s ruin, and haunts decrepit, facetiously-named “Mellark Mansion.” What if ghostly figure sometimes spotted in window and unexplained occurrences not her ghost but actually Peeta who survived fireball explosion with physical and emotional scars? Years later, Katniss new in town, either seeks shelter there, maybe looking for her sister’s missing cat? Is Katniss trapped or injured or on the run? Does her singing soothe Peeta when he slips from shy to explosive personality? Does he free her? Do locals storm property looking for her? Is Katniss the delusional crazy dangerous one who repels the attacking horde with explosion, then is soothed by gentle Peeta who promises to care for her because turns out Prim died long ago and Katniss never faced truth? HEA for them, maybe not for townsfolk. [submitted by @567inpanem]

[tangent101]

An interesting Life is Strange writing concept

I just recently stumbled across an interesting concept for Life is Strange in which Alex Chen was adopted by the Caulfield family and went to Blackwell with Max... and it got me thinking.

First, I need to say this outright. I am using this fanfiction's idea as a launching point for brainstorming of concepts and ideas. My ideas are no better or worse than the fanfiction. This other story is fantastic on its own and does not need my input and this is not a criticism of the story. Instead, it's an examination of a basic concept: What happens if Alex Chen were to be adopted by the Caulfield clan.

The first thing to consider is this: Alex is a psychic. She is predominantly empathic and can get flashes of thoughts when emotions are intense enough and/or she focuses on what that person is thinking. So... this has caused a number of fostering situations to fall through.

Interestingly enough, there is a point when the Caulfield clan could have taken in Alex before this became an issue... and that's when Alex was 11 and first put into the foster care system. Foster parents are actually given a stipend to help pay for the financial expenses behind caring for a child, and in theory that could have been enough money to keep Ryan and Vanessa from moving out of Arcadia Bay.

But let's say that they actually adopted Alex (and thus potentially forfeited that financial boon). Would they adopt Alex and abandon Gabe to the system? Would we have two kids becoming Max's big brother and kid sister?

In this situation, Chloe would obviously know that Max has siblings now. And what's more, I cannot help but think that Alex, with her burgeoning psychic abilities, would push Max to either stay in contact or get back in contact with Chloe.

Okay, let's change things up. Alternative Reality #2 had the Chen family uproot themselves as Alex's father looked for employment. He ended up working at the docks in Seattle but losing his job when the incident happens that resulted in Social Services putting Alex and Gabe in the foster system. Alex languishes in a foster care system that is not good. Gabe ends up in Juvie. And when Alex was 14, she ends up fostered to the Caulfield family.

At this point, it's 2011. Max has been out of contact with Chloe for several years. She is pining though. And Alex, with psychic nerves rubbed raw, likely has come across several instances of this. Max, being the sort of person who hates causing a commotion, would not tell her parents about any weirdness and indeed if her parents were getting weirded out likely would come to Alex's defense. So after a small waiting period you end up having Alex adopted by the Caulfield clan... with emerging psychic powers but a family that is far more comforting and caring than the foster care system.

Alex knows how much Max misses Chloe. Yes, it's been a couple of years. But Alex herself has had friends in the foster care system that she has fallen out of touch with, others that ditched her, and she likely knows what it's like to be abandoned. Alex likely would push Max to get back in touch with Chloe early on.

I can't help but think that Max would succumb to Alex's good-intended urging on this. So Max contacts Chloe. She sends a text.

Let's say that Rachel intercepted the text. She blocks Max's number. Chloe doesn't need that drama in her life. (Bad enough that Joyce is constantly bringing up Max, and Chloe is having trouble letting her go. It's better this way. Sometimes you have to move on. Jealousy has nothing to do with this.)

Or maybe David confiscated Chloe's phone and blocked the number and deleted the text because Chloe doesn't need old friends when he's trying to break down this young soldier to rebuild into a productive member of society according to his military mindset (HA!) and Rachel's innocent in this.

Alex wouldn't just let this drop. Anyone who's played True Colors knows how stubborn our young lady is. And she's driven by psychic powers as well that are blossoming under a more loving home. Wouldn't Alex follow up with her own text? And Rachel or David likely wouldn't intercept every text or block her as well. Hell, she might go for broke and call Joyce. And Joyce sure as blazes would make sure that Chloe knew Max was contacting her. (And that Max has a sister now.)

So Chloe is now in touch with Max. The roadblocks are quite important because if Rachel blocked Max's number, then this is going to cause a bit of a blowup that weakens Chloe and Rachel's relationship, while if David were the culprit then Joyce is going to have words with him (as she loves Max and sees her as not only a second daughter but a stabilizing influence).

Of course, there is always possibility 3 - neither David nor Rachel tried to block Max's efforts to contact Chloe and that went off without a hitch but where's the fun in that? XD

Anyway, Alex would be urging Max to remain in touch with Chloe. She would also likely notice that Max is crushing hard on Chloe and may very well push Max down that path. And given that Rachel was flirting with other people... well, Max being back in Chloe's life could do one of two things - either draw Rachel closer into Chloe's circle out of jealousy, or give Rachel reason to push Chloe toward Max and do her own thing while remaining friends with Chloe.

I like Rachel. I can't help but think it would be #2, especially given what we know about Rachel from the original Life is Strange. She cared deeply for Chloe and didn't want to hurt her. So... yes, I can see Rachel helping encourage Chloe to let bygones be bygones and to pursue her own romantic leanings toward Max. We'd have shippers on either end pushing the two together (Alex pushing Max and Rachel pushing Chloe).

It might even be amusing and interesting to see Rachel and Chloe drive up to Seattle to meet Max and for Rachel in that situation to meet the mysterious Alex Chen who she's been texting and possibly flirting with on the phone. (Amberchen? Hmmm...)

One other thing that is likely to happen is that Max would be a stabilizing influence on Chloe's life. She is a pressure valve even as Rachel was more of an instigator. So with Max urging Chloe to focus more on school, we may very well see Chloe starting to apply herself more to her classes. And if Chloe doesn't get kicked out of high school then David has one less thing to rail against Chloe with.

Rachel and Chloe would graduate a year before Max would (and two years before Alex). With Max back in Chloe's life, and a new friendship growing between Alex and Rachel? Then we may very well see Rachel less desperate for an escape because now there is a plan. Go to college with Chloe up in Seattle. Sure, it's not California but there are other advantages to the region (including legal weed!) and having good friends there would be reason enough. She escapes Jeffershit's death trap by never getting close to him. Nor does she get close to Frank. Similarly, Max has no reason to go to Blackwell because Chloe is coming to Seattle!

And Alex? Alex gets a home life that is far more loving than what she went through in the original timeline. And she has good friends... which will be useful when on October 13, 2013 a truly nasty storm strikes Arcadia Bay, wiping out most of the town and killing hundreds of people including the student body of Blackwell Academy. Because fate is a fickle bitch and Chloe Price wasn't dying as a sacrifice in a bathroom in Blackwell Academy. But you know? While Chloe, Rachel, and Max grieve... Max never blames herself for something outside of her control, and the girls never went through the horrors of the original Life is Strange.

Well done, Alex! You saved the day once again! ^^ And amusingly enough, when Max, Chloe, and Rachel go with Alex to meet her brother Gabe, Max is on hand to witness Gabe's death, her powers emerge, and she saves Alex's brother... but that is a different story. ;)

[17stalecupcakes]

Lights, Camera, Attraction?

Paring: Nathan Prescott x Reader

Summary: Y/n is in tech crew for Blackwell Academy’s performance of The Tempest by William Shakespeare. While everyone is preparing for the show, Y/n bumps into a certain someone who seems to be upset..

Warnings ⚠️ just some cussing. F bomb like once or twice. spoilers for life is strange before the storm!

(This takes place in Life is Strange: Before the Storm)

“The stage is all set Mr Keaton!” Steph says as you pass by. You were currently running from the stage to the back row of seats, trying to make the lights of both sides even. “How does that look?” Mr Keaton turns to the stage, giving it a hard dramatic stare. “Perfect Y/n! I expected nothing less of you my dear!” Mr Keaton gives you a great smile as he heads backstage. You take a second to catch your breathe as you sit down on one of the seats in the audience.

You take a look at your clipboard Steph gave you. You feel like such an important piece to make this production happen, but it’s really all thanks to Steph. You check off ‘Check lights’ on your list and you realize you only have one task left:

‘Make sure everyone’s mic’s are hooked on them’

This means you have to head backstage again. It might not seem that hard, but it’s kinda a mess back there. Between Mr Keaton always finding something to stress about, and Victoria being very obvious that she’s upset about not getting the lead, it’s just the last place you wanna be right now. But duty calls. As you start to stand up you hear footsteps behind you, you turn around and see a a familiar face. Chloe Price. “...Y/n?” Chloe chirps out, she looks a little out of place, I mean she was expelled not to long ago. “Hi Chloe! Here to see the show?” It doesn’t seem like Chloe to be into theater, but she has been seen with Rachel Amber lately. “Actually I’m here to see Rachel..like right now if it’s okay.” Ah, knew it. “Follow me, I’ll take you right to her.”

“She should be right through there!” You guide Chloe towards the girls dressing tent. She mouths a small ‘thank you’ and walks in. You spin around and head towards the mics and tape. You start to walk around to each character that requires a mic and gently attaching it to their ear. As you mentally check off people in your head, you realize you still have one mic left in your hand. Thats when you realize, you haven’t given a mic to Nathan yet. You and Nathan weren’t really close, you only really knew him through theater, well and because he was basically the richest kid in Arcadia Bay. You look around from where you’re standing, he’s not in sight. You glance over at the boys dressing tent, you’re praying he’s not in there. You start to make your way over to the tent, slowly but surely you come up to the entrance. “Nathan? Are you in here?” You yell from the outside. You here some muffled noises but then you here his voice, “Yeah..what do you need?” His voice was faint and light, which is unusual for Nathan Prescott of all people. “It’s Y/n, I j-just need to get you mic’d up.” You and Nathan have barley spoken to each other and now you have to awkwardly mic him up in a tent alone. Great. “Just come in.” Nathan says a little louder this time. You took a breathe and walked in the tent.

You walk in to see Nathan looking in the mirror with a face paint and makeup brush in his hand, it looked like he was trying to fix his makeup. You can see his reflection in the mirror, he seems to have tear stains on his face, and he wasn’t doing a very good job at fixing it. He sees you standing behind him in the mirror and turns around, “Just give me a second.” He turns back to the mirror, but in the short moment he looked at you, you took a second to look him in the face. His eyes looked a little puffy and a faint red, while the smeared makeup ran down his face. Had he been crying? You thought it wasn’t your place to ask, so you just stood there for about a minute until you realized how frustrated he was with the makeup brush. “Do you need-” “Help? No no, I got it.” You just stood in silence, you could hear him mumbling things to himself like ‘Nathan it’s just a makeup brush, calm down’ or ‘they can’t start the show without me, they NEED me, they’ll start when I’M ready’ You started to feel a little weird, you took a seat in the chair next to you and started to get the microphone ready to put on Nathan. As you did so, Nathan whipped around, grabbed a chair and set in front of you. He shoved the makeup brush and face paint in your hands, “Just fix it around the eyes, it CANNOT look sloppy.” He demanded. You feel tense, but you have to fix his makeup whether you wanted to or not. Nathan could feel the tension between you and him. As you started to fix the makeup, Nathans eyes met yours. “Sorry...I just started...sweating earlier and it completely fucked up everything.” You pretended to believe his story, “It’s okay, shit happens, but its fixable.” You stated. Nathan relaxed a little more and so did you. “Alright, it’s all fixed!” Nathan turns around and looks into the mirror, you can see a smile form on his face. “Phew..thank you for that.” You shot a warm smile at him and he shot one back, you felt calm around Nathan now. You picked up the mic and started to get Nathan mic’d up.

The crowd screams and cheers for the final scene of the show. You were on the side of the stage, out of sight from the audience but you could see all the performers. Steph comes up behind you and hugs you, excited from such a successful show. She had asked you to stay back and help clean up after everyone left. Everything starts to settle down and everyone starts to leave. You go into the girls dressing tent and collect the costumes to give to Mr Keaton. Then you make your way to the boys dressing tent, without even thinking, you walked in without asking to see if any boys were still in there. You turn the corner to see Nathan looking at his phone, he glanced up. “Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were still in here..I-I’ll just wait outside till you’re..” You’re interrupted by Nathan grabbing your hand, “Actually I was um..well I was waiting for you to walk in.” He admitted. You didn’t even know how to react. “I just wanted to say sorry for being all weird earlier..a-and also thank you for helping me with the makeup..and stuff.” Nathan didn’t want to say it out loud, but in the moment you were fixing his makeup, Nathan might’ve felt something. Something he’s never really felt. He felt attracted towards you. The calm and collective way you handled his freak out, and how you offered to help him out really got to him. It might not seem like a lot, but normally people are somewhat scared of Nathan, or don’t want to be bothered by talking to him. You were different. “Ohhh it’s really no biggie! I’m just glad I could help!” You said in a cheery tone. Nathan walker a little closer to you, “M-maybe I could take you to see a movie sometime..I-If you want to.” Nathans words were stammering a bit, you could tell he was nervous, but then again, so were you. But this time it was different, it was a ‘butterflies in my stomach’ type of nervous. Was he asking you on a date? The last thing you were expecting today was Nathan Prescott asking you out. You looked up at him, he was a bit taller than you. “I’d love too Nathan.” You said with a smile. You grabbed a sharpie that was sitting on the vanity and wrote your number on his arm. Nathan grabbed his bag, “See you at school.” He said as he left the tent. You just stood and smiled, what a night.

In the back of your mind you still wondered why Nathan was ‘sweating’ before the show. Maybe you’d find out here soon.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

AU where Rachel comes back from the dead and she and Tobias live happily ever after?

• Tobias kills the boy first.

It’s easy to do, really.  Morph and carve, morph and carve.  Grow fingers, wrap them around the knife, dig the blade into the tendons that just grew.  Peel back human skin, grow more, peel it back afresh.  The M.C. Escher drawing of the drawn hands that draw each other, only in reverse.  Human flesh tearing away human flesh, until an entire boy lies in shreds on the ground.

The boy is blond hair and soft cheeks and spiky limbs.  He doesn’t look like anything at all, not when Tobias is done with him.

The hork-bajir is easier in the doing — so many blades to cut, so much smooth parting of flesh — and harder in the mind.  She’s forward-swept spikes and Ket’s shy smile, curved scythes that were never meant to harvest living blood.  Pulling her long strings of intestine from the abdominal cavity is wrong in a way that jerking loose the boy’s liver felt almost right.

Skunk, rabbit, raccoon, gull, mallard, all pass quickly.  Their lack of natural weapons makes them harder to rend, but killing these soft prey shapes is as easy as breathing and he has long practice.

Taxxon is over practically before it begins.  Nature’s ouroboros, taxxons were meant by their creator to devour their own flesh.

Andalite last of all.  And andalite is the worst.  It looks like Ax, at least until it’s bloody scraps on the ground.  Then the sick-slick resemblance to the last time he saw Elfangor roars to the front of his mind.

(It is Ax, is the real horror of it.  That’s Ax he’s tearing out of his own body, Ax he’s carving down and down until a tail blade swipes the last ragged scraps of tendon away from its own bone and then, impossibly, keeps right on carving.)

• ENOUGH.  The Ellimist thunders the word.  Stops gravity and time right there in dull blue, stepping forward on talons and feet all at once.  Sharp gold-magenta quills trail flare behind him as he moves, using a four-winged shape Tobias has not seen before.

“What are you doing?” the Ellimist says, using what Marco called his inside voice this time.

Tobias heaves for air, surrounded on all sides by frayed flesh and horn and skin.  A hawk so soaked in blood that for once it’s as red as its name.  «I’m giving it back,» he announces.  «Every last morph.  Every cell of your bargain.  It’s yours.»

The andalite rituals are ancient, and poorly understood, and not meant for use like this.  But Tobias has always been a creative one, and has never let a little thing like impossibility stop him.  And he’s a hawk.  A predator.  An angel and a sadist.

“Why?”  The Ellimist sounds sad.

«You know what I want,» Tobias spits.  «You know.»

• He does know.  He must.  The funeral urn sits there on the ground, nestled so gently in the hollow formed by the roots of an oak tree that not a single flake of ash has spilled from its open top.

“This is not the way,” the Ellimist says.

Tobias tosses his head, a fleck of blood flying from his beak.  «Got your attention, didn’t it?»

“I cannot.”

«Can’t, or won’t?»

“Tobias...”

«Guess we’ll find out.»  And he spasms down, grabs a handful of feathers to yank.  He’s a hawk.  A killer.  And given nothing else to tear apart, a captive bird is always happy to pull its own body to shreds.

• THERE WILL BE A PRICE, the voice thunders through his head.  DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF BELIEVING YOU HAVE ALREADY PAID.

He doesn’t care.  He doesn’t. 

Because it’s then that the urn shatters with a sound like a thunderclap, and the ashes convalesce into a shape that has pink skin and soft fingers and golden hair.

• He tells Rachel it’ll be okay.  He tells her that he’s here.  He preens the blood from his feathers, and then he preens the ash from her hair.

He waits for her to speak.  For her to look at him.  And he keeps on waiting.

• She follows him back to his meadow, when he guides her, and she takes the blankets and dresses and snack cakes that he steals for her.  It’s harder, when he can no longer become human or gull, to find and to carry everything she’ll need.  But he manages.  They manage.

She won’t go near civilization.  She stops at the edge of the woods, and she hides if she hears human voices speaking aloud.

So he steals, and keeps stealing, and promises her that it’ll be better soon.

• They flit through the woods together, on bare feet and scarred wings.  They corner rabbits that he kills with precise strikes and she eats raw once he peels back the skin.  He brings her books and lip gloss, soup tins and dollar bills.  Crowlike he accumulates his horde, and catlike she turns away from it all.

• He means to tell someone, really he does.  Naomi or Jordan.  Toby or Ket.  A professional of some kind.  The police.  Ax.

But she’s here, and she seems like she smiles sometimes when she sees him winging low over her head.  No laughter, no tears, but maybe those are coming.  Maybe all she needs is time, and reassurance, and for him to read aloud from the book she tossed aside.

(Turning pages is hard, with talons and beak.  He punctures pages as he reads, tears and wrinkles and splits spines the whole way through.  He regrets nothing.)

• The couple picnicking in the national forest were a bad idea.  Tobias shepherded Rachel over when the woman started playing the flute, in the hope that the music would trigger... something.  Rachel listened for a bit, maybe even swaying a little like she was ready to dance.  But at the first word the man spoke, she spooked again.  Now she’s hidden halfway up a tree, head tucked against her knees, staring hard at Tobias.  He apologizes, of course, but he’s not sure he’s going to get a response from her today.

As if the day wasn’t bad enough, it’s then that Jake Motherfucking Berenson shows up in the middle of their meadow.  And suddenly Tobias is glad that Rachel is hidden from sight.

“It’s Ax,” Jake says, before Tobias can tell him to fuck off.  “He’s missing.  He needs our help.”

And really, that’s all Tobias needs to hear to know that he’s in.

Which is why Jake said it.  Manipulative fuckwad.

«Give me ten minutes,» Tobias says.

Marco would make a snarky quip about Tobias needing to pack bags.  Cassie would say something about knowing how hard this is.  Rachel would...  No.

Jake only nods, and walks away.

• «I’m going to be away for a little while,» Tobias tells her.  «You can take care of yourself, I know you can.  And if you need anything...»  He tilts his head to maintain eye contact.  «Find other people.  Be brave.»

Rachel looks at him.  She’s dirt-smeared, hair-matted, broken-nailed.  She’s utterly beautiful.

«I love you,» he says.  «I’ll be back before you know it.»

• Jake suggests that Tobias morph, only once, before they leave.  Tobias doesn’t respond, and Jake doesn’t push.  He probably thinks Tobias is defying him, or being contrarian.  There’s no point in correcting him.

• Rachel, they call the ship, and Tobias feels a chill.  You’re not supposed to name ships after people who are still alive.  It probably doesn’t mean anything, but that doesn’t mean he likes it.

• The price, when it comes, looks like this.

Ax taken, Ax absorbed, Ax gone.

Menderash’s body exploding on the impact with the Blade ship, a starburst of zero-G blood freezing into crystal.

Jake’s voice, or maybe Marco’s, emerging from a twisting mass of limbs on the floor of the Rachel: «You have to morph!  Tobias, MORPH!»

A girl, or a being with the DNA of one, lifting her head in the middle of a California forest.

• Cassie says “Rachel?” yet again, voice catching on disbelief.  Tear-blind even as she stares, as if into the sun.

This time Rachel’s lips curve into that dangerous smile, and she takes a step toward the sound of her name.

[bonniebird]

Read on AO3

Read on Wattpad

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Archie Andrews

“Guess who signed us up to go Christmas caroling?” - Stiles Stilinski

“I hate winter.” - Eragon Bromsson

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Theo Raeken & Rebekah Mikaelson

“I wish we could put some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.” - Bucky Barnes

“We’re snowed in…” - Illya Kuryakin

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - Stefan Salvatore

“Listen here, Kringle. I may have gotten naughty this year, but by today's standards, naughty's nothing! I didn't get anybody pregnant, I didn't Facebook a kid to death.”  - Wade Wilson

“Want a cookie?” - Abby Arcane

Christmas with Theo Raeken {Moodboard}  - Theo Raeken

“We’re snowed in…” - Dean Winchester

“Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?” - Wade Wilson

Christmas with Marko {Moodboard}  - Marko (The Lost Boys) 

Christmas with David {Moodboard}  - David (The Lost Boys) 

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.”  - Sam Winchester

“The price limit was 20 dollars!”  - Elijah Mikaelson

“Chaos has come again.” - Prudence Blackwood

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - Lydia Martin

“Aww, too bad Santa's dead.” - Klaus Mikaelson

“You can’t put alcohol in the hot chocolate.” - Eragon Bromsson

“Tell me this, sweetheart, have I asked you for a lot this year?” - Kol Mikaelson

“Is that mistletoe hanging from the light?”  - Elijah Mikaelson

"Why are you even worrying? The kid's just going to ignore the toy and play with the box."  - Derek Hale

“Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?” - Theo Raeken & Rebekah Mikaelson

"Love the giver more than the gift." - Scott McCall 

"Only two weeks left till Christmas!" - Dorcas Night

“We’re snowed in…” - April Ludgate

“Tell me this, sweetheart, have I asked you for a lot this year?”  - Damon Salvatore

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Victor Zsasz

“That was like a crazy trust exercise.” - Napoleon Solo

“I hate winter.” - Dorcas Night

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.”  - Prudence Blackwood 

“I knew you'd forget, so my gift to you is a gift for you to give me.” - Prudence Blackwood

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.”  - Dorcas Night

“Is that mistletoe hanging from the light?” - Michael Langdon

“You cannot do what you did last year.”  - Nick Scratch

“Please stop singing Christmas songs.” - Sweet Pea

“You can’t put alcohol in the hot chocolate.” - Dean Winchester

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Sweet Pea

“Three days before Christmas and somebody kills Santa!” - Sam Winchester

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone." - Castiel

"I got this, I watch food network." - Dean Winchester

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.” - Isaac Lahey

Christmas with Stiles Stilinski {Moodboard}  - Stiles Stilinski

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - Rebekah Mikaelson & Theo Raeken

“That was like a crazy trust exercise.” - Kol Mikaelson

"Only two weeks left till Christmas!" - Daenerys Targaryen

“Is that mistletoe hanging from the light?” - Prudence Night

“Time to deck the halls with your incompetence.” - Peggy Carter

“This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.” - Starlight

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone."  - Aziraphale 

“Put that cookie down. NOW!” - Sherlock Holmes (BBC)

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone." - Sherlock Holmes (BBC)

“It's just a bit of a tradition at Christmas parties that I have with my friends. See, we do a cookie competition, and then the winner gets to take home all of the leftovers to their families on Christmas Day.” - Clark Kent (HC) 

Christmas with Dean Winchester {Moodboard} - Dean Winchester

Christmas with Sam Winchester {Moodboard} - Sam Winchester

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Tommy Shelby

Christmas with Theo Raeken and Rebekah Mikaelson {Moodboard} - Theo and Rebekah

Christmas with Monica Geller {Moodboard} -  Monica Geller

Christmas with Rachel Green {Moodboard} -  Rachel Green

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.”  - Diego Hargreeves 

“Hands down, this is the best day of my life. And quite possibly the last.”  - Theo Raeken & Rebekah Mikaelson

Christmas with Johnny Storm {Moodboard}  - Johnny Storm

Christmas with Draco Malfoy {Moodboard}  - Draco Malfoy

“What to get the Shadowhunter who has everything.”  - Simon Lewis and Isabelle Lightwood

“Tell me this, sweetheart, have I asked you for a lot this year?” - Bonnie Bennett

“Is that mistletoe hanging from the light?” - David Rossi

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - Theo Raeken

“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."  - Jojen Reed

Christmas with Sherlock Holmes {Moodboard}  - Sherlock (BBC)

Christmas with John Constantine {Moodboard}  - John Constantine

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.” - Buffy Summers

“Tell me this, sweetheart, have I asked you for a lot this year?” - April Ludgate

Christmas with Nick Miller {Moodboard}  - Nick Miller

"You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card." - Rebekah Mikaelson & Theo Raeken

“You ruined my favourite Christmas sweater!” - Modern!Ivar Ragnarsson

Christmas with Sweet Pea {Moodboard}  - Sweet Pea

"This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze." - Dean Winchester

“Christmas is just so stressful... with the lists and the lines and-and the dancing girls at TV Town Song Room." - Dean Winchester

“It's Christmas Eve! Who's going out crashing other people's Christmas parties?” - Dean Winchester

"If I hear this song one more time there will be blood." - Steve Rogers

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.” - Derek Hale

“Put that cookie down. NOW!” - Rowena McCleod

“Do you want to build a snowman?” - Jughead Jones

“Put that cookie down. NOW!” - Joey Tribbiani

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - John Constantine

“I hate winter.” - Mick Rory

“Oh, I know exactly what you’re trying to do. But you will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.”  - Jason Todd

“You and I on the same team. It must be Christmas.” - Ava Sharpe

"You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card." - Barbara Kean

“Aww, too bad Santa's dead.” - Gina Linetti

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.” - Draco Malfoy

Christmas with Derek Hale {Moodboard}  - Derek Hale

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” - Jughead Jones

“Oh, I know exactly what you’re trying to do. But you will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.”  - Rosalie Hale

“Put that cookie down. NOW!”  - Sweet Pea

“Hands down, this is the best day of my life. And quite possibly the last.” - Jerome Valeska

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.” - Stiles Stilinski

“You can’t put alcohol in the hot chocolate.”  - Spencer Reid 

"Call me elf one more time!" - Theo Raeken & Rebekah Mikaelson

Christmas with Remus Lupin {Moodboard}  - Remus Lupin

“You can’t put alcohol in the hot chocolate.”  - Damon Salvatore

“Put that cookie down. NOW!” - Norma Bates

“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.” - Ambrose Spellman

Christmas with Peter Hale {Moodboard}  - Peter Hale 

"Love the giver more than the gift." - Fred Weasley

Christmas with Roman Godfrey {Moodboard}  - Roman Godfrey

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - Sweet Pea

“Surprise! I’m your Christmas present.” - George Weasley

“Put that cookie down. NOW!”  - Peter Maximoff

"Love the giver more than the gift." - Jughead Jones

"You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card." - Ron Weasley

[azems-familiar]

hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS

first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.

NOW. HERE WE GO.

first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:

Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion

can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.

next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:

hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell

There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten

next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?

mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man

Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for

oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.

Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight

next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan

You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel

I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled

You take me by the hand I question who I am

uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa

It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?

We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.

the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:

Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do

god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!

[codenamebooks]

10 Books I Hope to Read in 2021

This isn’t in any particular order, just books that I hope and plan to read this year. I’m really inspired by my reading year in 2020 which was the best in a long time I truly believe––may academics allow––that I can carry that into the new year. I set my Goodreads goal to 24 books and here are 10 I hope get included:

1. A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

This is the first ever book that I’ve preordered, so this is an important mention! I fell in love with the A Court of Thorns and Roses series last year (my #1 books of 2020) so  I plan to keep up with it. All of the characters are my little babies that I want to protect. Their relationships are so sweet and they make me laugh and cry and make me happiness and fearful and hopeful. The fae world is also amazing with a great plot that got super political and action packed in book 3 and I hope to see some of that in this 5th book.

2. Never Fade by Alexandra Bracken

I’m also really big on wanting to continue series that I started in 2020 (especially finished series like this) so I don’t have to keep rereading the first books. Really all this requires is buying them. The Darkest Minds was fun and adventurous with some of the cutest friendships I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see how this turns politically and how it grows to Ruby vs. Clancy. This could get really intense and I’m ready for it, even if I’m stressed that I’ll end up crying.

3. Angela Davis

This is general want since I plan to get more into nonfiction and educational reading this year. I liked my read of The New Jim Crow and I feel like Angela Davis could give me a similar feel to fulfill my want for personal education. My current read is When They Call You a Terrorist and Angela writes a foreword in my edition––so I’m assuming if I like WTCYAT, I’ll also like Angela. Even if I only end up getting to her podcasts that would be fine because I’d just like to learn.

4. City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare

Just because I found the first book so entertaining and fast moving, I’m going to continue with this series. Plus the fact that I have every The Mortal Instruments book. It’s a pretty large world that I can’t just give up on so soon. Possibly just to get on the hype train, I’m going to try my hardest to dig into this series. There are a few things, I’m unsure if they will arise in this book or not, that I know will make me feel... weird––thanks to spoilers from 7 years ago when I thought I’d never read this series––but I’m ready.

5. The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

I recently bought this at Half Price Books and I had no idea what I wanted to get until I saw this. For most of early high school, Maggie was my favorite author because I adored her Shiver series and loved the first two books in The Raven Cycle and recently enjoyed All the Crooked Saints. I hope to read all of her books someday and own them all. I had never liked magical realism so much until reading her and it’s now a theme in books that draw me in.

6. Betrayed by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

My current read is the first novel in this series and although I’m not sure if it’s worth it to continue the series, I think I will. My sister got me the first 4 books in a boxed set 5 or 6 years ago and I’m only touching them now. This could be a mistake because I’m much more mature of a reader than this is aimed at. I would hate to not read them though since it took me so long to read them, that’s not the books’ fault. I also think they could be good buffer reads as just a trashy, fun novel about high school vampires for when I’m busy.

7. Stand Off by Andrew Smith

This is a long awaited one! Winger, the first book in this duology, tore me apart! I keep forgetting that it’s one of the books that have made me genuinely cry over the years and it was my favorite novel of 2017 and I finished it on New Year’s Eve. I loved the style of writing and the characters were funny and lovable and the setting new to me at the time that everything was intriguing. I plan to reread Winger so that I remember everything that happens even though I know that I’ll be utterly heartbroken at the end but that is okay! I want to see how life turns out for our main character, whose name I don’t even remember!

8. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

I bought this one from B&N a few days ago and I’m super excited because I loved the ACOTAR series by SJM. I know that everyone who is a fan of her writing really adores this series as well and I’m ready to adore it too. It helps a lot that the series is completed because then I can soar through it without stopping. Surprisingly, I think I’ve managed to avoid spoilers from this series. I’m ready to throw myself in the characters and a new fantasy world by the SJM, who has risen to the top of my favorite authors list.

9. It’s Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han

Since only one other book on here so far is YA contemporary fiction, I thought it’d be perfect to include another one. This is a sequel I don’t yet have on my shelf but one I plan to buy. I loved Jenny Han in high school after reading TATBILB, which is my favorite trilogy ever and I had fun with the first book to the Summer series. Picking up Jenny Han again would hopefully revert me back to a time when reading was purely fun and I didn’t get upset if I didn’t meet my page goal for the day. I also haven’t read much contemporary (romance) since I started reading again over the summer even though it has historically been my favorite genre.

10. The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins

This is one that I plan on getting from Book of the Month. I would have gotten it in what I believe was the December picks but I had no idea what it was about. If I had known it was a Jane Eyre retelling, I would’ve picked it up immediately! Jane Eyre is probably my favorite classic of all time after reading it in high school. It’s obviously a modern version but I’d love to see how such a classic story is updated and made new. It will also help me read more genres since I didn’t read a single mystery thriller in 2020.