#can’t people just be fucking nice?
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thats not an edgar allen poe quote LMFAO its from a poem by sade andria zabala
So…instead of just kindly educating me and letting me know, maybe even recommend something by said author I can read (which I’d love to do since these words are beautiful), you’re choosing to belittle me by laughing at me? Cool. Thanks anon. Really nice of you. Also, your punctuation is incorrect. It’s “that’s” and “it’s.”
#jesus h roosevelt christ#can’t people just be fucking nice?#educate dont belittle#it costs nothing to not be a shitty person you know
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they were sleeping together at this point
#fr i think Cas was in Dean's room many of those nights + just hanging out even if they only talked/sat in silence + watching him sleep#like that is my goggles-off version#goggles on i think they were fucking on the nights cas was in the bunker both when things were looking up + when antsy and frustrated..#like when Dean comes back from purgatory pissed they lost Gabriel…#Castiel like… ok not getting laid tonight but is so glad he’s back…. + Dean is glad to be back even though he feels so guilty…#nice to be in his own bed in his own room + not the dirt with fucking ketch of all people!!#misses his bed… misses his pillow… even though he can’t sleep#but Cas is there to talk to him… or just sit in silence until he finally crashes..#whatever man#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel
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Father had personally asked Feanor to stand for this portrait, so he was. Father had quietly suggested that perhaps this could be a painless exercise, which did not actually mean ‘painless’ but rather ‘silent’ for Feanor, but he agreed. Father told him this painting did not symbolize anything but his own desire to have a record of all his available loved ones around him, and Feanor was trying to see it that way- for the sake of his own sanity.
Because his stomach was roiling, and there was a heaviness in his chest, a great emptiness which his heart was pounding against, echoing, echoing, echoing.
Father had one hand on Feanor’s shoulder and the other was upon Indis’s. She was sat in front of them, smiling beautifully, little golden-haired Arafinwe in her lap. Around them, her three dark-haired children were gathered. Findis on Father’s other side, Nolofinwe with her, and Lalwen in front of Feanor.
To the unaware eye, Feanor knew, they must all look like they matched. Like they went together correctly. Like a family.
When the portrait was complete and those dark haired children were gathered around the mother and father, who would guess that one child was out of place? Who might glance at all that paint representing their faces and think anything but-
You could almost be her son, Feanor thought, and then his mind replied, But you’re not.
He was so still and he dared not move, because if he did, he’d never get back in place. If Feanor flinched once, the sharp, jagged pieces of him that never fit right in this puzzle would scratch one of them. They’d be annoyed and that would be it: he’d combust in anger, he’d shatter across the floor, snapping and snarling at everyone unnecessarily until he ruined their perfect little scene. Father said this might be a painless exercise. No, no; this was to be a silent, still exercise.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
How good a painter was this person Father hired? How varied his faces? Would he capture that Feanor’s nose resembled that of none of the people here? Could he represent that his frame was already different from his father and little half-brother’s?
Would he lie and throw a pleased smile on Feanor’s face? Not even Father had asked him to smile.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
Feanor’s presence made them fit together so symmetrically, maybe that was pleasing enough to hide the wrongness of this scene. Maybe that’s why Father made him come here today, the pretty scene. Why he asked him to suffer, even as the longer he stood here, the more and more Feanor felt like he was about to be sick all over the floor.
A ghost, a ghost, there was a ghost looming over their shoulders ruining this perfectly symmetrical scene. Couldn’t they feel her breathing down their necks, icy chill against sweat? Didn’t their perfectly posed heads feel her long, clever fingers wrapped lovingly around their necks?
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
Feanor’s gaze slipped down to the back of Indis’s head. Her beautiful golden hair. She didn’t wear a crown, this was a family portrait, and that felt worse. So much worse.
If he let his eyes unfocus and his mind wander, he could try to lie to himself that her hair was much lighter and the faces of the children around them more closely resembled his own. The woman in front of him loved him, and she fussed over his hair before they sat for this portrait, and he’d let her do it.
The worst part was Feanor did know that Indis would help him with the ties of his robes, if only he let her.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
She’s not, she’s not, she’s not. It was a simple statement of fact. It was scandal enough that the father replaced the wife, when one at least chose a wife, but what freak replaced his own mother?
What would the people who saw this portrait think? Would they see Finwe’s happy family or would they see Feanor’s blaring, uncomfortable intrusion upon what gods and men declared to be a better order of things? Father wanted him to belong here, but he didn’t.
He just didn’t.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
A painless exercise. Painless, painless, painless, for them. Silent, still Feanor, a happy accessory to the triumphant union of Finwe and Indis, a grateful stray dog permitted to drink from the bowls provided by Indis’s family.
This exercise was just meant to capture the image of all Finwe loved, nothing more. Don’t think too hard about it, Feanor. You might make the children unhappy.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
You should pretend you are, though. That’ll make them like you.
Because they did so disdain him, most of the time. They disliked how he glared at their mother and started fights at family dinners and ignored them in the hallways. Why shouldn’t they? Feanor would hate a person who did those things to his family, too.
He just couldn’t stop, though. He wanted to, sometimes, when the exhaustion and loneliness caught up, and then he remembered that he wasn’t Indis’s son and never would be, and remembering that made him angry. Wouldn’t it just be so damn convenient for them all if he was almost her son?
But he wasn’t.
He was Miriel’s son. That was her name. He had no portrait with her. He loved her.
He loved Miriel, but it was Indis he posed with and-
When the session was done, Feanor jerked away from his father and shoved his way past Lalwen. As he went, Indis looked up at him, caught his eye, and he couldn’t help the sneer that crossed his face.
He hoped that was painless enough for her.
When he returned to his chamber, he went to the wash room and heaved in the pot there. The gagging and retching made wetness prick his eyes, and the sudden tightness of throat made him choke all the harder. The sickness and heaving stayed long past when there was anything in his stomach to lose.
No one came. Feanor hoped maybe Father would, but really, why would he? Feanor had been mostly good, just a little rudeness wasn’t worth either reprimand or comfort.
No, they were together. Maybe admiring their portrait, happy and pleased, or complaining about his behavior again. Really, why couldnt that Curufinwe just accept nice things?
I need to get out of here, Feanor thought, face and body wet with both sweat and tears. I need to leave this place.
He was a good son, and he could do anything else his father wanted but betray his mother further. No, Feanor couldn’t pose as Indis’s son even a second longer. He would destroy himself, if he had to think one more time-
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
#I understand what it’s like to be surrounded by people all telling you that you belong and it’s okay and just /be nice/#just play ball and settle and you can everything in the world#but you know you don’t belong#and you never will#and pretending is killing you#you won’t you can’t and you’re just so fucking sick of them pretending you can fit if you’re just /nice enough/#because they’re lying to you and themselves#just don’t be angry?? omg why are you angry? stop being angry and enjoy what we say you should want teehee#anyway I love feanor and don’t think he should have just gotten over his mothers death#tolkien#the silmarillion#feanor#tribble post#fanfic
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I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I need but I’m glad I’ve got therapy tomorrow
#kinda… down#feeling sort of broken#and I appreciate all the help#but I feel ignored sometimes like my problems are boring#it’s be nice if someone wanted to help me fix them#it’s just my brain being fucked I know#because I sound so ungrateful and shitty and horrible#horrible enough that it’s like?? I don’t deserve nice things!!#but sometimes I say I’m sad and I get a pity like and told it’s ok#I say I feel lonely and unliked and people say ‘aw’#others might get a long discussion or an outpouring of ‘I like you!!’#and i think I’m just missing out on that because I can’t make connections deep enough#also I’m needy and confused and never really feel like I’m anything to anyone#and that people don’t actually like me#and that me constantly feeling like this makes them like me even less?#but I can’t help it :(#and I wish I knew how to not feel like that and be normal#I think I’m gonna take a little break because I’m in a really deep hole#i'm sorry im like this#and I’m a little bit afraid for myself#finnie shouts into the void
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The thing about how sam’s arc in season 4 is often discussed is that people simultaneously acknowledge that the angels are bad, while claiming Sam is an idiot for rebelling against them.
like I have listened through three (3) rewatch podcasts and they always seem to fall into this loop of going ‘hey the angels are Obviously up to no good’ while also going ‘Sam is really stupid. Why would he trust a demon when literal angels are telling him to stop’
idk man. Maybe bc the angels are Obviously up to no good????
#And it’s a really good arc so it’s got more going on#BUT#y��all can’t recognize that the angels are being shady as fuck and offering awful solutions#while SIMULTANEOUSLY saying that Sam should trust them implicitly#and yes there’s a lot of like very personal religious rebellion that’s going on with Sam that IS a bit .. petulant isn’t the right word#but he’s reacting to a /personal/ slight bc angels were supposed to be his hope and they are Dicks#He /was/ blinded by that#but also keep in mind that the first time sam met the angels they were proposing that they kill 1k+ people#And then there’s the flip side of this#which is that Sam gets to the point where he accepts that he’s evil. That what he’s doing is turning him into a monster.#but that doesn’t matter. /he/ doesn’t matter. So long as it saves the world#I mean the angels obviously aren’t trying too hard#lea speaks#sorry I keep dragging up dumb shit abt spn#idk I just want to get it out and this is a nice void to do so
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ok but what if I never fall in love like that again. what if I never love like that again
#8 months since my break up and I am like surely I am doomed to never like someone ever again#people show me closeness and vulnerability and are kind and considerate#and I like them#but I just feel like this total wall#I can tell I can’t lean in#even when they’re nice and funny and cute#and kind to me.#i fell in love soooo fucking hard 3 years ago#loved u more than anything#weird.#personal
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Friendly reminder that Dream repeatedly made sexual jokes about actual teenagers, including a thirteen year old, sometimes after being asked to stop (keep in mind he was 21/22, five years older than Tommy and eight years older than Lani) up to and including coercing Tommy into saying he loved him in private DMs or he’d destroy Tubbo's villagers (then getting shocked that Tommy could find it weird) there’s been evidence of him pushing extremely important boundaries on safeguarding as some sort of fucked up joke for YEARS. Even in the most charitable possible interpretation he thought acting like a creep in private to a teenager was something extremely funny to tell an audience that skews very young (if you’ve been to any events for these guys, they’re primarily children too young to use social media, I’m not talking about teenagers I'm talking single digit age children) and that’s something I think makes me extremely fucking skeptical he was some angel when he WASN'T in front of the cameras. If he thought that was an acceptable boundary to push while being watched, I have zero doubts he'd act like people owed him their success in private.
#like. he's done way more fucked up shit than most people realise it’s just so mixed in with lies it’s hard to find what’s true#But I’ve seen these fucking streams they’re awful#Tommy deserved none of that no matter how he acted it was the responsibility of ADULTS to shut down inappropriate behaviour#like the pitiful defences back then look like they could be straight out of humbert humberts playbook if you replaced TommyInnit with lolit#that alone is enough of a negative impact on an audience I will never not hate that fucking man#I have family who work in similar industries and it could have been them. I can’t afford to play nice here on a very personal level
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umm so fun thing- an anon was mean again, but this one affected me more than normal for some reason, sooo I shall post less ✨personality✨ here bc pain, soooo pls follow @the-curators-bullshit for hhof personality. thank you and goodnight lol
#you can only get so many ‘just shut up and post legendary posts’ before it fucks with you oops#anyways I have that other blog#like that was the whole point of creating that blog anyway#but it doesn’t get enough regular interaction to be as fun#except people were like really nice on there today and aaaahhh#anyways yeah#ignore this lol#i’ll recover in like a week and probably go back to normal but still#but umm yeah I need to re-fill my hall of fame post queue anyway so maybe i’ll do that#it’ll be fine#also if people wanna send really random asks or scream into the void asks#I would like reallyyyyy like that bc that ask is at the top of my inbox and I don’t like looking at it but can’t delete it oops#so like I would love to bury it in scream asks lol#hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit#hellsite hall of fame curators bullshit
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one thing that always makes me 0_0 is when people claim to be supportive of people being neurodivergent up until said person displays neurodivergent traits and then it’s a whole whirlwind of just “this person is annoying because of (insert neurodivergent trait here)”
#growing up in school and listening to people use my normal speech patterns as reasons to actually dislike me put a dent in my heart#13 year old aimsey was crushed when they found out people found them annoying for stuff they couldn’t figure out how to stop#now i’m like eh fuck it if people can’t stand it that’s fair but just don’t be weird and make fun of someone for something they can’t change#life is too short#be nice
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this has stayed in my brain for like 2 weeks: au where obi-wan gets fed up with the city council because he keeps writing them asking them to fill this pothole on his street that he hates driving around and they keep not doing it so he decides to run for city council himself on the sole platform of if he’s elected he’s going to fucking fix that fucking pothole.
and he wins because he is very charming and not a lot of people vote anyway, and he fills in his pothole and then next election cycle, he’s planning to let someone else win so he doesn’t have to be on the city council anymore because he actually hates local politics.
only there’s this asshole in university who decides to run obi-wan’s re-election campaign because he’s trying to sleep with a political science TA and he thinks she’ll be impressed if he shows an interest in local politics by doing some grassroots voting door to door work for his community service credits…..and he chooses obi-wan to support at random and very nonconsensually
so anakin skywalker becomes the bane of obi-wan kenobi’s existence. obi-wan kenobi becomes the focus of anakin’s.
(obi-wan also becomes an elected official again, mostly because of the bored housewives vote.)
(obi-wan blames this on the fact that while anakin is a very horny intense nineteen year old, he’s also surprisingly effective with his big wet eyes and his obscenely pink lips. anakin blames this on the televised debates he scheduled between obi-wan and fellow councilor maul, where obi-wan’s eyebrows are drawn and he looks furious and his shirtsleeves are rolled up to his elbows, exposing his very nicely defined forearms.)
(they fuck about it.)
#kit's silly lil aus#obikin#talked about this on the discord like a while ago but was thinking about it earlier#obi-wan was trying to soft quit and not announce that he was running so no one would vote#for him but then anakin just randomly chose to put all his intense weird energy behind obi-wan#and it works and obi-wan is furious#this twink is ruining his life#now he’s been re elected and people know about him and talk to him on the street#and that’s …. sort of nice fine he likes people he likes his city#he fucking hates politics and now he’s a politician#all because of anakin skywalker !!!!#who turns Padmé down when she makes a move on him because all his weird intense 19yo anakin energy is firmly#on getting obi-wan to fuck him now#(obi-wan realizes that maybe he will be stripped of his political power and title if he’s caught fucking his campaign manager (newly 19)#(obiwan of course grabs onto that opportunity with both hands. solely because he wants to not be on the council anymore.)#(not because he wants to fuck anakin) (definitely not)#the sex they have the night it’s announced obi-wan wins….incandescent so rough so furious anakin can’t stand#obi-wan goes out to say thank you all sweaty with hair out of place and red splotches on his neck#and no one knows they’re from his campaign manager currently in his bed back at his house
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starting any new medication with intended or unintended mental effects is so weird. it’s not exactly like waking up with a whole new brain but it definitely feels like my mind got reformatted. this latest nervous system one is doing some what it’s supposed to physically (thank god) but it’s definitely doing… something to my thinking patterns and emotional responses. i’m not sure what. it has some overlap with the symptoms of an early manic upswing in the sense that the “regard for consequences” segment of my brain is sending an out-of-office message, so i thought it was that at first, but that’s definitely not it. but. something.
#and it’s NOT good for my job or relationships until i learn to manage it#and before you point at me the ‘girl you are experiencing a category 5 fandom event’ is a symptom and not a cause#maybe the hyper focus that tech bros abuse this thing for is just misfiring??#it’s like the brain fog moved from inside to outside??#i’m clever again but can’t see the road ahead or the people around me#i mean ‘nice’ is a deeply ingrained habit i’m not telling anyone to fuck off#my sister gave me extremely good news and i AM happy for her so that cracked through it!#but i have never thought ‘i don’t care’ in my life before unless i was manic lol#maybe posting into the void will shake it off#my exciting mental health#the symptoms
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i feel like the fact that regulus literally had a do not enter unless you have the explicit permission of i sign on his door and i feel like that says enough about him in itself
#he’s the kind of person who you try to talk to because you think they look cool and they glare at you until you leave#he sits in the corner of the room judging everyone and people don’t really like him because he’s a dick#he had maybe like. 3 real friends who are just as judgemental and big-headed as he is#the letter to voldemort??? i want you to know that it was **I** who discovered your secret#he’s such a cocky shit and honestly i can’t blame him have you seen the environment he gree up in#grew*#he’s not a nice person and he most definitely does not wear crop tops or swear#the most he’d say would probably be like. piss off or merlin’s beard or something along those lines#and he most definitely does not tell people to fuck off or like. that kind of stuff. like he just stares you up and down and scoffs#he’s full of himself but honestly#fair#also as i usually say: each to their own and my interpretation of him might be different from yours#regulus black
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The weird sheep are at it again!
#jd vance#jd Vance semen#trump sheeple#trump supporters#trump supporters are weird#what the hell#what the hell even is this#this is what education is for#this is why we can't have nice things#what the fuck#you can’t make this shit up#why do republicans#just weird#just weird people things
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had such a good experience with surgery today i can’t even fully explain
#🍄.txt#i’m so happy that fuck ass doctor referred me to another doctor in the building because he was so nice and attentive#taking the time to explain things to me and make sure i was good#even said oh well if ur really uncomfortable we can always go to the operating room! :)#when the other doctor treated me like a nuisance the whole time and like some dumb child#well if you can’t sit still they’re going to have to put you under elsewhere 🙄#I DIDNT EVEN FUCKING KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT IN THE BUILDING? SHE MADE IT SEEM LIKE I WAS INCONVENIENCING HER THE WHOLE TIME#i was asking a bunch of questions because knowing makes me feel less nervous and he answered everything so clearly even when my mom was#asking questions too#recommending me different medications to keep this from happening again etc etc etc#so fucking bare minimum for a doctor but it was so nice seriously i wish i could thank him again for making it a more#comfortable experience#he put numbing shots on the inside AND outside of my lid just in case we needed to go from the outside this time#and while it hurt obviously it was so much better than the single shot she gave me the first time three weeks ago#she told me this would be a much more extensive surgery and here i am with my eyelid barely swollen 😐#i could barely see with it open three weeks ago immediately after because it hurt too much and was so swollen#what the fuck how do you have such contrasting experiences with two people who literally work together in the same building#anyway bad doctor experiences are always so fucking bad but when you have a really good experience it just feels crazy and insane#like wow thank u for treating me like a person#did i mention i actually left with care instructions this time written out. and the medicine recommendations on a physical piece of paper#i didn’t even get that after surgery with her how is that not below bare minimum#like this actually surprised me. jesus christ
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look martha has been my fave companion of the past almost ten years so obv having my little hyperfixation reignited is going to bring back my love for her too but it’s exacerbated by so many people being so wrong about her and her season. i would love to venture into the wider fandom instead of the five people i trust w her but every time i do that i am disappointed :(
#this is not abt my last post to be clear this is abt going in youtube comments sections :/#idk i think people just. literally do not remember her episodes and make conjecture off of what they don’t remember#it’s also just. the racism around discussions of her holy shit how do you people not see the way you hold her to a different standard#outside of what is going on romantically between them which. complicated#it genuinely drives me crazy when people hear martha’s getting out speech and think her entire arc has just been abt her crush#as if half the reason she has to leave wasn’t bc the doctor Made Her Into Him#like no she doesn’t say that. because she can’t. (BUT ALSO SHE DOES LATER? SO WAHTEEVR)#she’s also dealing w the doctor at his worst for a whole season & it would be nice if other people acknowledged his actions . Ever#like the guy was suicidal. the entire fucking season. and she gave her life to keep him alive#you see how the getting out speech is. not just abt attraction. WHATVERR!!#doctor who fandom IS just like this though. you have to find your niche#these tags aren’t coherent it’s 4 am#ted talks#martha jones#doctor who
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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day#i’ve gotten so bad recently#and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am#and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late#but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up#or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible#and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person#but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy#it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships#people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified#or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same#i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely#i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself#i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty
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