#I can’t wait for the chapter of my life where I never have to hear her voice again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

javierpena-inatacvest · 3 months ago

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Chapter 3- Easier Said Than Done

Summary: Frankie's been by your side through some of the hardest moments in your life. Three years have gone by, and now there's no one you want to see less when you find yourself at your lowest.

Word Count: 4.1K

Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader (reader has a name/nickname)

Warnings: Angst, yearning, mentions of death, sick parent, descriptions of a panic attack, hospitals, teenage Frankie's back at it again making it impossible for us to hate him!!

A/N: Hello, my name is Madeline and I am unable to stop writing gut wrenching angst and yearning. (Hi, Madeline). Maybe one of these days I'll stop sobbing like an idiot when I write, but I fear that day may not be coming any time soon

All The Things We Never Said Masterlist

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You, Spring of 2006, Age 17

Most people say it’s the smell of hospitals they can’t stand. For you, it’s the noise. The constant chaos of voices, monitors, sirens, carts clattering as they roll across the never ending linoleum floor drives you insane. Even when it’s quiet, it’s still never silent. There’s always an ever present reminder looming in the distance to not get too comfortable. The inevitable fear that something could go wrong, and have you wishing that all you had to listen to was the ambiance of continual pandemonium.

That’s why it’s such a relief when you hear the quiet ping of your cell phone resting on the edge of your chair. It’s enough to drown out everything else for a little while.

Frankie :))))))

Hey where r u?

Game starts soon and I cant find u

Katie and Morgan said they havent seen u either

R u ok?

You

Yeah I’m ok.

Dad passed out and hit his head. Mom wasn’t home so I had to take him to the ER.

Called Coach K in the ambulance to tell her I won’t be there.

It’s times like these that it takes everything in you to remind yourself that missing big events to keep your dad alive is better than going to big events without him being here. But when you’re decked head to toe in your soccer uniform, sitting on the edge of your seat in a crowded emergency room instead of getting ready to start the last game of your senior year, it’s hard not to feel a little bitter about it.

You read back over Frankie’s texts as you wait for his response, doing the quick math in your brain before frantically typing back.

You

Wait, didn’t you have to work tonight? Are you at the field?

Frankie :))))))

Called off work weeks ago

U really think I would miss ur last game? Cmon Kenz

Guess its not a surprise anymore. Surprise! lol

You hope the nurse passing by doesn’t notice the way you’re grinning like an idiot at your phone, biting down on your bottom lip to keep your smile from growing so wide it’ll hurt your cheeks. You re-read the last three texts over and over, your face growing warmer each time. You’re not sure why you’d expect anything less. It still never fails to make you feel like your heart is seconds away from bursting at the seams.

Of course he came.

So lost in your train of thought, you hadn’t seen a fourth text pop up across your screen, only the fifth text of “???” that preceded it.

Frankie :))))))

R u at memorial or westwood hospital?

???

You

Memorial. Why?

Frankie :))))))

Be there in 15

You

Frankie you don’t have to do that

Frankie :))))))

2 L8! Already leaving! See u soon!

The tears welling in your eyes were most definitely ones of relief, joy even, that Frankie cared enough to attempt to make it to a soccer game you weren’t even at, let alone forgo a night’s worth of pay to drive himself to the hospital to see you.

Your momentary excitement comes to a sudden stop as onslaught of bodies rush into your room to examine your dad. You’re quick to realize you’ve once again been caught up in a stampede where you’re nothing but another person in the way. An invisible presences that means nothing to anyone in this room. It makes the once blissful wetness welling in the corners of your eyes start to sting with a vengeance.

But you’ve come very quickly to learn that crying doesn’t help anyone, especially when you’re not the one dying.

You try not to let it hurt when your mom doesn’t even acknowledge the fact you’re sporting the jersey of the team you were supposed to start playing with twenty minutes ago, like you had brought your dad to the hospital in your uniform because that and your cleats were the easiest thing to throw on before you called 911. It’s even harder to try not to scream at the fact she barely pays your presence any mind, not even so much as a ‘thank you’ for getting your dad to the hospital in one piece. What’s the most painful is that you’re positive that she, or anyone else, even notices you’re gone when you slip out the door.

You’re here so often that the hospital staff don’t mind that you pace up and down the rows of the waiting room. Sure, they’ll be sending you a bill for the hole you’re burning through their carpet eventually, but that’s not today’s problem.

Right now, part of the reason for your frantic pacing is to cool off some steam so you don’t say something you’ll regret about your dad’s cancer having the audacity to ruin the most important soccer game of your life to date.

You’re also here so often, the hospital staff know Frankie. So much so, that your favorite receptionist, Cassandra, has more than definitely broken several hospital rules to let Frankie stick around long past visiting hours when you’ve needed it most. That’s why all she has to do is give you that look to break you from your vicious cycle of pacing to let you know when he’s arrived through the sliding glass doors of the front entrance.

Most times, he at least makes it a few steps inside before you notice him. Tonight, he’s barely halfway through the door before you’re wrapping your arms around him in the tightest hug you have to muster. He pulls you in even tighter.

It’s then that the reality of it all starts to set in. Your best friend had to drive to meet you at the hospital because he’s the only one that remembers you have a soccer game tonight. Your dad is in a cyclical pattern of slowly dying that leaves you feeling like a terrible person for even wishing things were different. You’ve spent the past nine of your seventeen years of life only knowing a world that revolves around cancer. For nine years, you’ve never complained that this is the way your life has been. Tonight, you’ve decided that the weight of the world is un-fucking-fair.

Tonight, you’re not the one dying, but crying seems like the only reasonable thing left to do.

You should be embarrassed by how loud your sobs are, how quick the damn breaks once your body finally lets you give into the pain. These are the kind of tears that make your whole body shake, the ones that make your chest hurt because you can’t catch your breath, gasping for air like some poor, lifeless fish, begging to be thrown back to the sea.

Frankie’s seen you cry before, but not like this. You should care about how your tears are staining the fabric of his t-shirt, how he’s the only thing keeping you standing while your body feels like it’s about to give out underneath you. You hadn’t said a word to each other before you’d collapsed in his arms in a sobbing heap, but right now you don’t care. You can’t.

You’re sure words are exchanged at some point as he practically carries you out to his truck, at least giving you the decency to finish crying without unwanted eyes in the waiting room glued to you, but right now, you can’t remember.

You’re not sure how long it takes you to get back to the point of being able to breathe at a semi-normal pace, but something tells you that Frankie will hold you for as long as you need him too, crying or not.

He gently strokes your back, his thumb tracing over the fabric of your jersey as it draws small circles over and over, a sweet and simple dance of his fingers that steadies you just enough to keep from flying away.

“It’s okay, Kenz. It’s okay.” It’s melodic the way Frankie coos it in your ear, like he’s trying to hush a fussy baby fighting sleep. It’ll take time, persistence and patience, but lucky for you, he’s got all three in spades. “I promise you’re okay. I’m here.”

“This fucking sucks.” It’s not elegant or graceful, but it’s the truth, and right now, it’s all your brain can process.

“I know it is, Kenzie. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not fair. I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life worrying that this is the last day I see him. I just want life to be normal. I just wanna go play my stupid fucking soccer game. It’s not fucking fair.” You ball your fists against Frankie’s chest, pounding into him like he’s the one responsible for your hurt and anger. He’s not the one you need to take it out on, but he’s all you have. You hope he knows it’s not his fault he’s become your emotional punching bag as he takes blow after blow, despite how weak your swings are. You’ve got no strength left to fight.

“I know. It’s not fair. It’s not fair, MacKenzie.”

He takes it all until you have nothing left to give. You’ve lost a game no one ever has a chance of winning. Defeat is the unwanted trophy life rewards you with, but Frankie stands at the podium with you. He’ll take the hits if it helps ease the blow.

“Will you be okay if I’m gone for five minutes? Just five, I promise, and then I’ll be right back.” His question catches you off guard, breaking you from your agitated state, nodding your head just enough to give him the permission he needs to race back through the doors of the hospital as you climb into his passenger seat.

His truck gives you the kind of familiarity the hospital doesn’t. It’s hard not to find irony in the fact you feel safer in his piece of junk car where the wheels could give out beneath you at any moment than you do in a building that is built for saving people’s lives. Maybe it’s because his truck is filled with the memories of moments in life that make you feel like things are going to be okay.

With the way Frankie’s breathing as he jumps into the driver’s seat, it’s hard to think he’s not back in less than two minutes, rather than five. He doesn’t say a word to you as he cranks the ignition, only a little prayer under his breath that now’s not a time his engine has chosen to give out on him. He doesn’t let you ask any questions until you’re already on the road.

“Frankie, what’s- Frankie what are you doing?”

He’s got that crazed kind of look in his eyes he gets when he’s hellbent on making something happen. He always likes to say that you’re the stubborn one. It makes you wonder the last time he’s taken a good, hard look at himself in the mirror.

“I’m taking you to your game.”

He says it so matter of factly, like his response to nearly kidnapping you out of the Memorial Hospital parking lot shouldn’t warrant any questions.

“What?! Frankie! I can’t just-”

“The doctor in the room said he’s stable and he probably won’t be conscious for the next few hours anyways. Your mom said it’s fine. I’m not letting you miss out on this. You deserve to get to play, Kenz.”

You’re not sure at that moment if you want to kiss him or slap him across the back of the head. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

“Frankie, I-”

“I’ll turn around and take you back if you want me to, but I don’t think you want me to turn around.”

God, maybe you do want to kiss him.

“I hate you, Francisco, I hope you know that.”

“I know. It’s okay, you play better when you’re angry, anyways.”

It’s always the little smirk in the corner of his mouth. The one he makes when he knows he’s right. It’s the same smirk he makes when he greets you after you’ve scored two goals to help your team win the last game of your high school career. The same one he gives you when he buys you ice cream to celebrate with two scoops of cookie dough instead of one, because you won’t stop laughing at his stupid joke about your big appetite for winning.

That night, you fall asleep on his couch, too tired to drive back to the hospital, too scared to sleep in your house alone. You’re not sure if you mean to doze off with your head resting against his thigh like some sort of makeshift pillow. It’s easiest just to blame it on the fact you’re too exhausted to get up. But as you close your eyes and drift to sleep, you’re almost sure that the only muscle Frankie dares to move is the one that pulls the line of his lips into that same smirk you’d rather die than live without.

You, Present

You’re shocked your initial response to seeing Frankie Morales for the first time in three years wasn’t immediately slamming your front door in his face and telling him to fuck off.

That’s what your body wanted you to do. For as badly as it did, your some part of your brain wouldn’t let you.

It’s probably the same, stupid part of your brain that won’t let you stop staring at him, either.

He looks good. Way better than you’d like him to. It doesn’t seem fair that he somehow manages to find a way to return home more handsome than when he left. It happens every damn time. You swear he does it on purpose. You don’t know how he could, but that’s what you tell yourself. It makes it easier to hate him.

“I didn’t know you were home.”

It’s probably the worst thing you could have said to break the awkward silence stewing between you, because you both know it’s a dirty lie. But at this point, you’re far past granting Frankie the privilege of being a part of the truth- you’ll give him your version of the truth that you want him to hear. You’re not letting him have the upper hand.

“Yeah. I uh- got home this morning.”

Good to know the best either of you could do was reduce your relationship down to nothing but lying. If that’s the game he wants to play, then so be it.

“Drive was good?”

“Yeah.” Lie. “You?”

“Fine.” Lie.

For as much as you know the lies hurt, it’s the curveball you hit him with next that you hope stings the worst.

“I didn’t think you were gonna come.”

Because that was the truth. The way his face drops tells you the guilt ridden punch you’ve socked him with hits exactly where you want it to. You want the truth to hurt more. You want it to hurt just as bad as the way his truth hurt you.

“Of course I was gonna come.”

It’s a poor attempt at a swing back. He showed up with a knife at your gun fight. He knows well enough you won’t show him any mercy.

“Wouldn’t have been the first time you hadn’t shown up for something important, Frankie.”

“Your dad’s fucking dying MacKenzie, what makes you think I wouldn’t be here?”

“Well, he’s been dying for the past three years so I’m glad you’re deciding to show up when it’s convenient for you.”

That one shuts him up real fucking fast.

His jaw ticks as he takes a deep breath, staring up at the sky like there’s something written in the clouds that will give him instructions on what to say next. There’s not much he could say at this point that would shock you, but Frankie never ceases to be full of surprises, whether you like it or not.

“I’m- fuck- I’m sorry, Kenz. I’m sorry.”

That shuts you up even quicker.

It shuts you up because you know he’s not lying. The truth is buried in the way his voice breaks at the start of your name, the way the “K” trembles off his tongue and shakes in the back of his throat.

Your heart is mangled in your chest, hearing him say the two words you’d never thought you’d get and realizing you can’t accept it.

“Sometimes sorry isn’t enough, Frankie.”

Neither of you are sure what to say. It’s tough to tell if the fight is over because Frankie’s stabbed you to death and you’ve unloaded every last bullet you had, or if you decided to put your weapons down and walk away before any casualties have occurred. While it’s hard to deny it’s the latter of the two options, at least the first one would have been the honorable way to go.

“Honey, is that Frankie at the door? Let him in, MacKenzie, don’t make him stand out there!”

If there’s one thing you can always count on your mom for, it's that she’ll never fail to have impeccable timing, for better or worse.

You don’t intend for the sigh you let out to be as loud as it is, but it certainly makes it clear to Frankie you aren’t happy about obliging to your mom’s request. You expect him to pass you like you don’t exist, entering your house to greet the two of the three family members who still care about him enough to not burn a hole through his chest every time they look at him, but he doesn’t. He waits for your okay, frozen on the porch until the subtle shrug of your shoulders signals you’ve given him the all clear to pass. He wants to know you’ll at least let him through unscathed for now.

You follow behind him as he enters your house, trying to ignore the fact you’re entranced by the dark brown curls that still tickle the nape of his neck as he walks, or how the width of his shoulders nearly stretch from one end of the door frame to the other. You’re starting to regret not letting him follow you in instead.

You nearly bump into him with how quick he is to freeze once he sees the state of your living room. In the past few weeks, it’s made a terrible transformation from the space you once knew to a makeshift hospital room. The hospice workers had crowded your house with beds, oxygen tanks, and a wheelchair your dad refuses to sit in, an endless puzzle of enough supplies to let your father die in his own home, rather than the cold, sterile wasteland of the nearest hospital.

You’d been able to ease yourself into your dad’s decline. You’d watched the months leading up to now as his body became weaker and sicker, reducing down to nothing but bones and deep, dark set eyes. You were a first hand witness to how cancer had greedily sucked every ounce of life he had left in him, taking and taking until he had nothing left to give.

Last time Frankie saw your dad he was in remission. He looked good, healthy, even. That was three years ago. Frankie would have never imagined barely being able to recognize the man that was the closest thing to a real father he’d ever get.

You want to scream at him that it’s his own damn fault he’s this shocked when he comes face to face with the shell of the man your dad used to be. But with the way you can practically see the guilt oozing out of Frankie with every step he takes towards the near lifeless body lying in the misplaced hospital bed in your living room, you can’t help but let your empathy get the best of you.

“Hi Frankie, how are you? It’s so good to see you, honey.”

Even though your mom knows you’re seconds away from wanting to dropkick Frankie off the face of the earth, there are few things she’ll ever let get in the way of her warm and welcoming demeanor.

Frankie’s still borderline speechless as your mom grabs the tray of cookies he’s been awkwardly toting before she embraces him, arms still glued to his sides like he’s too afraid to move. The way she’s got him in the hug gives him no choice but to stare at the unsettling image of your dad over her shoulder, barely strong enough to turn his head to see what all the fuss is about.

“H-hi, Mrs. Anderson. I’m okay. It’s good to see you, too.”

“Is that my Frank the Tank? C’mere, kiddo. I was hopin’ I’d get to see you.”

The past few weeks have made you shed enough tears to last a lifetime. Never once did you expect the thing that would make you cry the hardest out of everything you’d been through was hearing the long lost excitement in your dad’s voice upon Frankie’s return.

It’s childish, the way you storm upstairs and slam your bedroom door behind you without a word, heat seething through your veins at the way your dad was so quick to forgive, welcoming Frankie back into his home like a day hadn’t passed, like he had been there right alongside him every step of the way through his descent. Your blood boils at the fact your father can’t be bothered to remember that Frankie had been nowhere to be found for three fucking years. Not a text, not a call, not even a “Frankie says hi!” through his mother four doors down.

You can deal with the embarrassment of throwing a full blown temper tantrum later, but that’s more tolerable than spending another second in the same room as Frankie.

“Well,” your dad huffs, his face grimaced with sarcasm as he looks back and forth between your mom, Frankie, and the empty presence you’d left behind, “that went well.”

“Sorry about that, she’s um-”

“She’s fine. Just stubborn.” Your dad grumbles, cutting off your mom with the best attempt he can make to raise his arm from the bed and wave her off.

“No, I uh- it’s fine, I just- I should probably get going, don’t wanna take um- take up too much of your time.” Frankie’s heart sinks in the uncomfortable silence, quietly cursing himself for the mess he’s made.

“It’s what, 8 o’clock in the morning? You got a bingo game at the senior center you need to get to, young man?”

“No, I just-”

“Perfect, no is the only word I needed to hear.” Your dad weakly smiles, gently patting the edge of the bed for Frankie to join him.

Your heart winces hearing the heavy footsteps a floor below you from your bedroom, knowing the direction they’re heading is only further into your house and not back out the front door where you’d prefer him to be.

Thank goodness your dad has lost the ability to speak loud enough for you to hear the words that follow the thumps of Frankie’s feet.

“Frankie, I’ve lived a very happy life. There are few things about it I’d change. But you know just as well as me that my daughter is the one who so lovingly inherited my stubbornness. Lucky for me, God knows I’m stubborn enough not to die until you and her figure this out. Unlucky for the both of you, that my time for stubbornness is starting to run thin.”

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@javierpena-inatacvestnotifs

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nubiawrites · 14 days ago

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chapter 3

Pairing: Aaron Pierre x Black Original Character

Warnings: Slow burn. Kissing. Thigh riding. Dry humping. 18+

Summary: Upon finding that the development process of her script moving along, Iriye gets more than one greenlight when Aaron and her go over the script.

Notes: Remember how I said this was a slowburn? It still is but you get a little treat for being patient. If you want to be tagged to be notified, like, reblog or reply to this. Let me know what you think!

MASTERLIST

It had been a trying three weeks, waiting to hear what the studio would say about the latest draft. But Iriye was more worried about what the woman in front of her thought than a bunch of studio execs.

Iriye paced a little as she watched Tamara read the last few pages of the latest draft of the script. For as long as the two had known each other, her friend still reading anything of hers filled her with nerves, excitement, and wonder. Not out of fear but knowing that whatever she wrote was safe with her friend.

“How do you do it?” Tamara asks, putting the pages down. Iriye smiled at her, shaking her head.

“You’re flattering me too much,” Iriye took a sip of her water, her friend moving to sit up.

“It’s never too much flattering when it comes to you. As someone who remembers the short film scripts you were begging your professor to accept when you had the chance to write anything, I have always known how talented you were and how you would keep growing in that,” Tamara spoke into Iriye. “You are magic. You’re that girl,”

Iriye giggled. “Okay, I believe you. But tell me again, one time for the one time,” She joked. Tamara shook her head.

“You’re an alien superstar. Especially after all those notes those white people gave,” Tamara shook her head. “That’s two hours of my life I will never get back. Two hours I could have spent looking at self-tapes for actresses,”

“With great power comes great responsibility. RIP Uncle Ben,” Iriye chuckled.

Tamara chuckled just as Nelly came into the office, practically bubbling with excitement.

“We got it!” Nelly practically screamed. “Did you check your email?”

Iriye pulled up her phone and braced herself as she clicked, seeing an email from Davis.

“The execs are very impressed with this draft. We’re sending it over to talent,” Iriye read aloud, the biggest smile taking over her face.

“We going to Hollywood, y’all!” Nelly yelled out. “Let me get the bottle of champagne we’ve been saving,”

“Not so fast! We’re not greenlit yet,” Tamara pointed out before Nelly could run to their mini fridge.

“And you’re not allowed to pop any more bottles within a twelve-foot radius of us. I’m almost lost an eye,” Iriye reminded. “But did you lose one?” Nelly said. “If I can’t do that, what can I do?”

“You want to send over the script through the studio system to Aaron,” Iriye asked. “I know you love any interaction you can have with him,” She teased.

“You say that like I’m not passing notes between you and him,” Nelly admitted.

“Passing notes?” Tamara chuckled. “I need to hear more,”

Iriye rolled her eyes before settling back on the sofa in Tamara’s office.

“You want the truth or what I'm reading between the lines,” Nelly sat beside Iriye, sending her a playful side-eye.

“Anything you have to say for yourself, Iriye?” Tamara asked. Nelly pretended to hold a mic toward Iriye before the latter swatted it out of her face.

“It’s nothing! He asked for my number when we had lunch,” Iriye mumbled.

“You guys had lunch together? Where the hell was I?” Tamara asked.

“Having lunch with some film bro,” Nelly shot out. “What? I manage your calendar,”

“It was just the both of us discussing film stuff. He wants to work with us,” Iriye shrugged. “It was friendly but professional. Trust me,”

“Then why did he say in his email to call any time?” Nelly mentioned. “I think you two forgot I was cc’ed on that email,”

Iriye shook her head. “I’ll go send that script,” she said, trying to leave, but Nelly pulled her back down to sit.

“Aaron is fine. You can admit that right,” Nelly asked.

“She can. She's just trying to be professional,” Tamara chuckled.

“Aaron is handsome. There, I said it,” Iriye huffed, seeing the twinkle in the two other women’s eyes. “And he smells good, too,” She said before she rushed out of the office. Hopefully, that would tire them over, even if she heard Nelly’s calling out the word bitch.

After calling it a short day at the office, Iriye had gone home and spent the rest of her afternoon vibing to music as she looked over other scripts she had put on hold when tackling the feature Lanoire Productions wanted to take on first with their deal. Paradise Lost. A black rom-com with influences of the nineties and two thousand films that bonded Tamra and herself into a sisterhood. It wasn’t a dream deferred any longer.

Just as Iriye was laughing at a line she wrote in a pilot, her phone began ringing. She looked over to see an unknown number appeared on her screen. Lowering her music, she hit the talk button, preparing to tell them they had the wrong number.

“Hello?” Iriye asked, holding the phone to her ear.

“I’m guessing you didn’t save my number,” Aaron spoke through the phone, his voice running over Iriye like scotch.

“I swore I did,” Iriye lied. She had been distracted, her brain trying to come up with excuses. “Are you calling to give me shit about it?” A deep chuckle rolled through Aaron’s chest, sitting in the seat in his trailer. “I come in peace as I always have. I got the script, and I wanted to see if I could come over to the production office to talk to you about it,”

“Too bad I’m not in the office,” Iriye admitted. “I gave myself the rest of the day off,”

“Good for you,” Aaron stated. “Since I got the script, the execs are ready to go. You should be proud,”

“I am. Thank you,” She said. “But I can’t celebrate until they give us the green light, which means attaching some talent. And from what I’ve heard, you got some competition,”

“Competition? If you don’t want me, say that,” Aaron stated.

“Boy, stop,” Iriye let out. His chuckle rang through the phone. “Shouldn’t you be shooting something right now,”

“Lucky for you, I wrapped for the day,” Aaron said. “I’m about to pack up and head out,”

“Lucky for me?” Iriye rolled her eyes at this man. “How so?”

“Well, I wanted to talk more about the script. I read it during lunch, and I wanted to discuss it some more,”

Iriye sat up, moving her laptop off of her lap. “You read it during lunch? You must have had a long lunch,”

“I’m a quick reader when something captivates me,” Aaron admitted. “I want to discuss this more because I have so many questions. Maybe I can pick your brain over dinner if you’re up for it,” He asked as he smoothed out his pants leg and waited for her to say something.

“I hate to admit it, but I’m already lounging around. I don’t think I can get myself together to go out,”

“Then I’ll come to you,” Iriye chuckled at Aaron’s words. “Send your address. I’ll pick something up and bring it over,”

“Aaron,” Iriye breathed, looking at her place.

“Have you eaten?”

“No,” Iriye admitted.

“Send me your address. And if you have any allergies,”

“I don’t,” Iriye bit her lip. “Check your phone. And honestly, please do not bring anything healthy. I earned it today,”

“Got it, Miss Edwards,” Aaron spoke, his deep voice making Iriye’s stomach nervous. She said goodbye and hung up, her head falling to the back of the couch.

“What the hell,” Iriye spoke aloud. She moved to get up, figuring he would be here within the hour. Iriye wasn’t playing when she said she had been lounging around, wearing booty shorts, no bra, and a baggy shirt.

Iriye went to her room and stripped her clothes to change into high-waisted jeans and a concert t-shirt, tucking it into her jeans to make A Victoria Monet concert t-shirt look more hip.

She went to her bathroom, pulling her goddess locs out of her ponytail. She shook her locs out and grabbed her makeup bag, looking in the mirror. If her mother could see her now, trying to make herself up for some man she hardly knew… she would at least be proud.

Iriye put on some mascara, forgoing foundation because she wasn’t about to do all that for an hour with Aaron. They were going to eat—that was all—eat and talk. She found a lip gloss that was not too much and swiped it on her lips.

She looked at her reflection; her brown skin still looked good from the skincare routine she did earlier after she watched her face. She looked at her foundation; Fenty-four twenty would have to wait.

Iriye quickly swept her place to make sure it looked good, stacking books she had strewn around and fluffing the throw pillows. As she moved to put her shoes on the shoe rack, she nearly tripped over them.

After more nervous tidying up, she went to the little bar cart in her kitchen and decided she needed a shot of something strong to quell the nerves. She grabbed a glass and poured a shot.

It was a matter of time before there was a knock at her door, and she headed to the door, shaking the nerves out, and opened it.

“Hey,” Iriye breathed, seeing Aaron standing in her doorway, hoodie and glasses on. He had to lean down some to come into her doorway.

“Hey,” Aaron put his backpack down, and Iriye took the two takeout bags from him. “I got Chinese. It felt like a safe bet,”

“You made a good choice, Mister Pierre. You might earn that conversation about Paradise Lost after all,”

Iriye placed the bags on her coffee table, trying not to watch as he turned to take his shoes off, his ass hugged nicely by his khaki pants.

I am no better than a man. Iriye headed to the kitchen to grab some forks and plates. When she returned, she saw Aaron pulling out all the take-out containers, so she moved to sit by him.

“Is this all for me?” Iriye joked.

“For us. I didn’t know what you wanted or liked,” Aaron stated. A genuine smile came over her face as she looked at him.

Once they finished their feast, Aaron pulled the script and a journal out as Iriye moved the take-out containers out of the way.

“I hope you know you’re not getting any of that kung pao chicken leftovers to take home,” She muttered.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love,” He stated, and Iriye had to ignore the nerves he was causing. Aaron opened his journal as Iriye returned and peeked to see what he had written.

“That’s a lot of notes,” Iriye chuckled. He let her see more of it, and she caught a whiff of cologne again, clearing her throat. He looked over at her, his greyish-green eyes bright and beautiful. “Okay, hit me with it,”

“Isaiah is probably the most raw character I have ever read in a script before,” Aaron started. “His passion. His being. Everything about him… I was hooked within the first few pages. But by the end of Act One, I was rooting for him,”

As he spoke, Iriye was caught in his words about how he could grasp the character entirely. It was hard enough to focus on his actual words when she noticed how sharp his jaw was or the veins on his hands.

“But this character… he’s so lived in. So real. You really outdid yourself, Iriye,” Aaron praised.

“Thank you,” Iriye felt the wall she was desperately trying to keep up with him coming down a little. But she needed to put some space between them. “You want a drink?” Aaron relaxed back on the couch as she moved away from him.

“Yes, I’ll take whatever you’re drinking,” Aaron said.

Iriye headed to her bar cart and began making them a whiskey sour, feeling like she could kill even more nerves with liquid courage, especially if he were going to seduce her with how insightful he was in talking about Eric and the story of Paradise Lost.

Iriye brought back their drinks, and Aaron thanked her as he took his drink.

“Cheers to you and this getting greenlit,” Aaron held his glass up to hers. She tapped her glass to his and took a sip; the liquor burned, making it slip easily down her throat.

“Like I told Nelly, we’re not greenlit until talent gets attached, and the execs are cool with it,” Iriye explained.

“You’ve been saying that for weeks. It’s going to happen, Iriye. I always keep my word,”

Iriye just shook her head at Aaron’s words, watching him take another sip and lick the liquor off his lower lip.

“Can I admit something?” Iriye asked. He nodded. “I went down a rabbit hole of your previous roles,”

“Oh. I wasn’t expecting that,”

“Neither was I, but if anything, Nelly is to blame,” Iriye pointed out. Aaron chuckled. “She sent me a clip from Foe, and I have Prime, so I decided to watch it,” He nodded along, listening to her. “That’s the only one I watched. I didn’t want to get you even more stuck in my head,”

“Can I admit something?” Aaron responded. “Nelly sent me the short films you and Tamara have made. I wanted to know more. So she sent me a few,”

“Of course she did,”

“Nelly is always at the scene of the crime,” Aaron chuckled, Iriye joining in. “But I can tell why she is so passionate for Lanoire. For Tamara. For you. You’re an artist. You care about your work. It’s breathtaking to me. You’re breathtaking to me,”

“Breathtaking on paper. We gotta see it on film now,”

“You will. I already told my team I want to sign on for Paradise Lost,” Aaron stated.

“Stop playing,” Iriye shook her head, taking another sip of her drink.

“I’m serious, Iriye,” He replied.

Iriye blinked twice at Aaron, looking at her with a slight smirk on his face. His smile grew as Iriye realized he wasn’t joking. She downed the rest of her drink and stood up, needing to pace and calm down.

“You good?” Aaron watched in concern.

Iriye just continued pacing as she heard his words.

“No, not really,” Iriye stated. Aaron got up and moved to her, stopping her so she could face him. He saw her deep brown eyes, a sense of fear running through them as he moved to cup her cheek, her so aware of his rough hands on her cheeks. “What are you getting out of this?”

“A chance to bring something beautiful you created to life. The script is something I’ve never gotten to do before. To be a part of that would be an honor,” Aaron said, his thumbs stroking her cheeks softly, and she felt herself calming down.

“You’re nothing like I expected,” Iriye closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and smelling his cologne invading her senses.

“Good,” Aaron tilted her head. Iriye opened her eyes, seeing him staring her down intensely. She was so drawn to him as he surrounded her senses.

Iriye saw the thought flicker across Aaron’s eyes as he looked down at her lips and felt him lean close to her. His head touched hers, her hands traveling up his arms to grasp him.

“Aaron,” Iriye breathed and he pulled her close. “We shouldn’t,”

“We shouldn’t what?” Aaron repeated, tempting her to say it.

“This… We can’t do this,” Iriye trailed her hands to his on her cheeks. She was trying to find the urge to pull away, but it went all out of the window as he was warm and present with her.

“What’s stopping you?” Aaron brushed his nose against hers softly. “Give me three good reasons,”

“One, you’re tipsy,” Iriye pointed out.

“I only took one sip,” Aaron said, one of his thumbs slowly reaching her chin.

“Two, we don’t know each other well,” Iriye stated, not even caring if his thumb traced over her bottom lip.

“I want to get to know you. I’ve been showing it for the past couple of weeks,” Aaron reminded her. With every email and chance, he had to chat with her.

Iriye had to keep a clear mind, but it was hard when he was so close to her. Her hands trailed down to his side, resting there to try and focus herself.

“Three, we’re going to be working together now. So, it would be completely unprofessional. A total conflict of interest,” Iriye was trying to stay firm in her decision, but it was going out the window as he pulled her closer. Her body was pressing against all the sinewy muscles that made Aaron.

“It would be wrong,” Aaron nodded. “Does this feel wrong?” He pulled back, his hands moving from her face to her waist, where they stayed politely, brushing against the little sliver of skin between her shirt and jeans.

Iriye was ready to say fuck it so badly. He hadn’t kissed her, frustrating her as much as it turned her on.

“No,” Iriye admitted.

“As much as I want you to kiss me first,” Aaron’s hands went to squeeze the softness of her sides. “I don’t want to compromise your resolve. So if this helps,” He leaned down, and those full bow-shaped lips pressed softly against hers.

Iriye was shocked. How could he be so tender, his lips pressing softly against hers? He was waiting for a reaction because he got one from her. She kissed him back.

The softness that was shared between them was beginning to become intoxicating. Aaron trailed his hands up her arms and placed them around his neck. The movement had her breast pressing against his hard chest, and though she wasn’t trying to make it sexual, a sensual whimper escaped her.

To her surprise, Aaron pulled away first. He took a deep breath as Iriye realized she was in a daze, her arms around his neck. She was about to unwrap herself from him when he stopped her.

“No,” Aaron breathed, the command light on his tongue. He pulled them back to the couch, moving to sit. He pulled his hands off of her body to take his glasses off, setting them on the coffee table. But Aaron again placed his hands on her hips, looking up at her. The hues of his eyes darkened with lust, and she liked it. Liked him having to look up at her from her seated position.

“What do you want right now, Iriye?” He asked her. Talking was too much for Iriye. She needed to show. She let her legs slip between his as he sat on the couch, straddling his thigh some before leaning down. She used one hand to hold onto the back of the couch while the other hand trailed over the nape of Aaron’s neck. She softly dragged her nails and heard a groan vibrate through his chest. “I’m going at your pace,”

“I want… if I do what I want right now, we’re going down a road we can’t come back from,” Iriye whispered. “But I want to. I really want-” Before she could even say another word, Aaron took control and pulled her down till her jean-covered core hit his thigh. “Aaron,” She gasped.

“We’re already here. Trust me, I don’t think I wanna go back now,” Aaron stated. Iriye raised an eyebrow at him. “Take what you want from me,”

Iriye swallowed as she settled onto his thigh. His thigh was muscular and pressing against the seam just right. She gave an experimental rock of her hips, a breathy gasp coming out as Aaron held her hips still in his hands. She felt a bit uncoordinated as she still had one leg pressing between his crotch while the other was on the couch. She paused for a moment, pulling back before she properly straddled him.

“Is this okay?” Iriye let her weight rest on Aaron, and he let out a groan as her center met his. God, it shook her to the core.

“Yeah, much better,” His British accent became more assertive in his voice with those words. Iriye watched him as she rolled her hips forward, seeing the breathy groan he let out. She discovered he was vocal quickly as she began a pace, moving her hips deliberately to see what sounds he made.

When Iriye knew she was doing something right as she ground on Aaron, his hands would flex or grasp her hips.

“Stay right there,” Aaron begged. Her face was pressed against his temple as she ground, the pressure delicious as it caught her clit, and she felt her core growing wet.

“Yes,” Iriye whimpered. His right hand trailed up to cup her ass cheek, and she looked at him shocked. He pushed his hips up against her as he pulled her down onto his throbbing bulge through his khakis.

Iriye had to suppress the cry that left her lips by kissing him, and the two of them began to move their hips in sync, their kisses matching just as close. Her hands moved to cup his neck and cheeks as she worked with him to dry hump him. But there was nothing remotely dry on her side.

Aaron licked the seam of her lips, and Iriye gave him entrance, his tongue licking the roof of her mouth.

“Shit,” Iriye moaned into his mouth. That movement alone made her wonder what it would feel like to have him doing that to her lower set of lips. He pulled away with a grin.

“It feels good, doesn’t it,” Aaron trailed his lips down her chin and neck. She nodded, letting her nails dig slightly into the nape of his neck. She felt him retaliate with a nip to her neck and her breast pressed into his chest, nipples starting to strain her bra. “God, this isn’t even enough,”

“I know,” Iriye moaned, riding Aaron a little faster as she wanted to chase the feeling deep inside her. One that would quell her momentarily with a release. Aaron kept up with her pace, cupping her ass cheek harder as he moved her more.

“You’re right there, aren’t you?”Aaron grunted against her neck. Iriye nodded. “Take it. I know you want to. Use me,” He leaned back, studying her face. He wanted to take in every sign of her impending pleasure. Seeing he was serious, Iriye rolled her hips even faster.

Aaron’s moans and groans just served to turn Iriye on even more, especially feeling his bulge against her core. She rode him harder, her clit catching on the inseam of her jeans, and she pressed her head into his neck as she felt the telltale signs. She was close and about to cum in her jeans from dry humping. As immature as it probably was, this was the hottest thing to happen with the opposite sex and her in a while.

“Just like that, Iriye,” Aaron groaned.

“Aaron…” Aaron gripped Iriye’s ass harder and whined. It took him lifting and gripping her ass so close to her core, causing her to cry out, her body shaking as she came. She didn’t even have time to cry out fully as Aaron pressed his lips against hers and ate up every single whimper and moan. She was sensitive, but he helped her by keeping moving till the waves subsided and the tingle in her stomach subsided.

Iriye felt the kisses Aaron and her share become pecks and his length hard against his pants.

“Fuck,” Iriye said as she realized he didn’t get off. “I didn’t mean to be selfish,”

“I wanted you too,” Aaron said, his voice deep and strained. She kissed him again before hiding her face on his shoulder.

As the haze of lust came down from her, Iriye had to ask her: What the hell did I just do?

@bluewatersfairy @coquitobby @honeysilkandcinnamon @insaneevanity @meleekabenjamin @theogbadbitch @slowlysteadycoffee @ashanti-notthesinger @thisbeautifullifeofmeandyou @mysticalbiscuitalien3 @irishmanwhore @alonahh @grooveoftiro @gabriellalover @ovohanna24 @ticalsstallion @strawberrymoon45 @hi888888sworld @msuncensered @yurfavdealer @honeys-archives @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @theunsweetenedtruth @blackpinup22 @niggaronnn @aritannahrocks1300 @htnqueen305 @333symone @appelle-moi-si-tu-te-perds-numb6 @bombshellbre95 @wildwomanalereyia @teenage-aria @skvrpion @absentmindeddreamer @blackpinup22 @liv10002 @styleismyaddiction @jungwonsgfs @hooliemooliedonutshawp

#aaron pierre fanfic #aaron pierre #aaron pierre smut #aaron pierre x black!oc #aaron pierre x black original character #terry richmond fanfiction #terry richmond #terry richmond smut

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xoxochb · 4 months ago

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⋆·˚ ༘ * if my wishes came true it would’ve been you

warnings: implied sex, percy turns rabid, cheesy ass ending, I’d also recommend reading chapter 2 before this because I tried to make these two similar, and there’s one quote from a touch of malice that I italicized, also this is lwk short as fuck sorry

pairing: percy jackson x daughter of hades and persephone

a/n: I am absolutely BAWLING my eyes out right now I have emotionally attached myself to this series and now it’s over 💔💔💔

series master list

absolutely everything hurts. every muscle in your body— you’re sure you’re going to die. stupid perseus jackson he’s never going to hear the end of this for as long as he lives. but forget that. because you’re sure you had never been as happy as you are now, even if percy was drooling all over your shoulder right now. this can’t be real, was it really? you had escaped your wedding with the horrendous son of poseidon and amphirite, they would be hearing your many complaints soon enough, for creating such an awful child. yet at the same time you thanked poseidon for additionally creating the love of your life

you pinch his arm, quickly proven that this is indeed real when you feel teeth digging into your shoulder making you yelp and push away. “you’re rabid!”

he laughs. the absolute audacity he has to laugh! percy pulls you back into his arms and places a kiss to your bare shoulder where he bit you. “‘m sorry, angel. you did pinch me though”

you frown. “I wasn’t sure if you were real or not”

“last night wasn’t ‘real’ enough for you?”

you scoff and roll your eyes. “you know what I mean, dipshit”

he kisses your skin again, once to your shoulder, next to your mark-filled neck. “I’m real. are you?”

“fuck you”

“been there, done that”

“you’re an odd one, husband”

you feel his smile against the skin of your neck, eliciting giggles from your bruised lips

“say it again. call me your husband”

you sigh but nonetheless request his wishes. but he wouldn’t be receiving exactly what he’d like as punishment for biting you. “husband, would you be so kind as to make me breakfast?”

he’s like a fucking schoolgirl, truly. the reaction you pulled from him, a blush adorning his cheeks, a dream come true. “I’ll cook only the finest of breakfasts for you, wife”

oh how the tables have turned. now it’s your turn to blush furiously. “can we stay here for just a bit longer?”

“‘course we can, angel”

you didn’t even have to ask. you should have known he would have agreed when you felt peppered kisses being pressed over your shoulder, your collarbone, your neck, your jaw, your face, each corner of your mouth and at last claiming your lips once and twice

“perseus-” you begin, but only cut off by the boys lips. “can we-” kiss “I’m-” kiss “I swear to-” kiss

you groan and pull away, covering his mouth with your hand. “percy”

he nods. you press your lips to his forehead and remove your hand. “I hate you”

“aww, I love you too”

“don’t be an idiot”

the second the last word left your mouth percy wasted no time in connecting your lips again. and again, and again, binding himself with you as if he hadn’t absolutely devoured you 3/4 of the night. you pull back for only a second, nose brushing his, muttering a quick “I love you” before he grew impatient

six years of a hidden relationship, six years of waiting for a moment just like this, peace, not worried about your father catching you, and it had all worked out in the end. you’d got your happy ending at last and you were sure you weren’t going to give it for anything, because for a fact you knew, percy was the one

#xoxochb #crying screaming throwing up hyperventilating smashing my head against a brick wall #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #pjo fandom #percy jackson #pjo #percy series #pjo hoo toa #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x y/n #percy jakson #Spotify

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orbweaverspidergirl · 1 month ago

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Chapter 3: i never doubt it at 4 am

summary: Orbweaver, Gotham's one and only spidergirl. A hero for only a year, she's easily recognizable from her brown spider suit, and six-eyed mask. But, without the mask, she's Nicole Lawson, the "unwanted" daughter of Bruce Wayne. She didn't mind it, not too much, but after the death of her mother and the exposure of her identity, her life is in shambles.

tw: slight yandere? it's only one line, and I'm not sure if someone would call it yandere, but I do think I'll take it too the platonic yandere spectrum. I do plan on increasing it, but it will not be hardcore.

Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

You’ve come to the conclusion that you dislike bringing vigilantes to where you live. Your house was a mess, and you were worried that they could easily see your address, but you suppose every nighttime hero knows Gotham by heart at this point. You were just really glad your mom had the night shift at the hospital tonight.

“How you feeling, Hood?” You ask, carrying the bleeding out man into your living room.

“Good as ever, Spidey.” He grunts, falling onto the couch. He landed on pillows piled up around the couch. “You sure as hell have a lot of these on here.”

“My mom likes the aesthetic of it, says it looks pretty.” You smile under the mask and grab the first aid kit from on top of the fridge. Red Hood looks around the room, it’s tasteful, he decided. You had a fireplace in the middle, unlit, and there were photos of what he assumed was you and your mom. But there was something that made him look at you specifically, you looked so familiar to someone he knew.

“Eyes off the wall, Hood.” You’re in front of him now, and he’s sure you’re scowling. You throw the med kit at him, and he catches it quickly. “I’m sure you can patch yourself up.” You sound monotone, and he knows he fucked up when he sees you flipping down photos or turning them around on the wall.

You were mad, understandably so. You knew that you took the man to your house, but you thought he would at least not look around! It’s like an unspoken rule of being a hero! You look at the man still on your couch, and you make sure there’s no blood on the floor. Your mom would actually kill you, and it would be your blood instead. You could feel her wrath from miles away, and you shiver.

There’s a knock at your kitchen window, and you see a blue figure. “Nightwing…” You deflate, upset at the prospect of more of them coming into your living space. You debate whether or not you should let him in, but he is waving, and you would feel bad. You walk to the window and unlock it, damn your good conscience.

“Dude, how the hell are you going to get into my window?” You hear Red Hood laughing in the background.

“Real smart of ya’, Nightwing!” Nightwing puts his foot through your window, obviously struggling, and you can’t help but laugh.

He reaches an arm out for you to drag him in, “Spidey please,” he whines, and you give him a tug. You could do the funniest thing and just drop him, you think, but you decide against it, and pull him in. He almost trips over your sink, but you hold him up just in time.

“You’re heavy as hell, bro.” He elbows you and Red Hood cackles in the background.

“You’re just as mean as him.” Nightwing glances over at the man on your couch and you just shrug. He walks over to the couch, and wallows over Red Hood. You can hear the two arguing, almost like siblings, and for a moment, you wish you were over there with them. Your phone rings, alerting the three of you.

"Hey Spidey, your mom’s calling you.” Red Hood looks at your phone, a photo of the orange cat meme pops up, and he tosses it to you. “Nice photo, by the way.” You can feel him smirk under the mask and you flip him off.

Nightwing looks between the two of you, “Wait, what photo? Red, what photo?” You ignore him, answering your mom and walking into your room.

"Hey mom, you called?” You close the door behind and take off your mask. Your hair is frizzy, and you feel sticky and sweaty.

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know I’m on my way home.” She doesn’t care to ask why you’re up so late, it’s practically the norm. You would stay up late for her as a kid, waiting for her to come home. You were always a mama’s girl.

“Okay, I can start cooking something for you?” You put her on speaker and change out of the body suit into a ‘My Chemical Romance’ slide off shirt, and you put on a pair of old shorts.

“Thank you, baby. I’ll be home soon.” You put your spider mask back on.

“Love you, mom.”

“Love you more.” The call ends and you leave your phone in the room. You slam your door closed to alert the heroes that you’re back. They look up at you like deer in headlights and you start to feel suspicious.

“If any of you broke something, I’m kicking you both out.” You feel them analyze your clothes, but you go back into the kitchen and preheat the oven.

“Someone had an angsty childhood.” You flip him off again.

“Says the one who speaks like they’d be a part of an emo-boy band.” Nightwing chuckles, shoving Red Hood.

“She got you there, man.” You can practically feel the glare being sent your way, and you laugh. This wasn’t so bad, you thought. They were annoying, sure, but you didn’t feel so lonely for once, and that was nice.

Their temporary stay ended, and eventually the house was all to yourself, until your mom was home, of course. You laid on the couch, ripping off your mask and sighing in relief. You hated having to wear that thing for so long. You look at the and the memory of flipping the pictures of you and your mom came back. All of them were flipped, except for one, and you do a double take. It was a photo of you and your mom when you were younger. You were about six in the photo, and she was holding you close. There were bubbles flying around, and in the back, you could see a picnic table. You thought for sure you turned every photo around, so why wasn’t this one?

Dick and Jason stood on top of your house, and the night was quiet in Gotham, for once. The air, however, was tense. “You really think it’s her?” Dick asks, his voice strained with worry.

“Yeah, you dipshit. I don’t randomly go around calling everyone my sister.”

Dick frowns, “Well yeah, but Nicole? You think our Spidey is Nicole?”

“I know she is! That photo is her and her mom! It couldn’t be anyone else, Dick!” Jason scorns, turning away from his brother.

Dick tiredly groans, “Fuck.” He playfully lays his head on Jason’s shoulder. “What the hell are we going to do?”

A/N: My inbox is open! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for reading.

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idkfitememate · 6 months ago

Note

I really like your stories, especially about the Creator otter. It would be great if when the truth is known, they take the Creator otter to the "true creator" and when he tries to hurt the otter, the attack returns on its own or something happens. to prevent him from harming the beautiful otter and so it is known that he is the true creator, I imagine he would have many more pamperings than before

The Otter Chronicles Pt.3

⋘ Previous Part » ♡︎

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა Pairings : GN! Otter Reader x Fontaine

૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა W.K. : 2.2k

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ Tags/CW&TW : Angst, some fluff, many mental breakdowns

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : I. Am. So. Sorry. You have been waiting for months for this but I didn’t know how to continue and then I got writers block and UGH-

But I’m here now :). And your gonna get your wish :3

Future note, this will probably be split up into at least one more chapter because I know for a fact I won’t be able to write all the idea, plus, I have an idea on how to finish it!!~~

As you snoozed peacefully, the quiet seemed to seep into the room, suffocating everyone within it.

“So… the otter sat on your lap… sleeping… that’s the creator?” Finally, Wriothesley broke the silence that had consumed the room, making Furina jump and you chitter under your breath, snuggling into her stomach.

“Do we have any proof?- I mean, besides what happened with the Primordial Sea-“ “Do you need more evidence?” Neuvillette interrupted. His face was stern and cold, hands gripping at his pants.

“Well… it’d be nice to at least know for certain?” Wirothesley sighed out, a hand pressing to his forehead. He leans forward in his seat and took a breath before speaking again. “I mean, genuinely, can’t you see where I’m coming from? Sure, you might trust your gut or whatever magical power you’re keeping from us, but this is a little hard to believe for a guy like me. I mean, who knows! Maybe it was coincidence the Primordial Sea went back into the lock!! Because I’ve personally never seen a creature besides a human jump in there, have you? Maybe it’s all just one big joke I just-“ He stopped, huffing, hands shaking.

“I… we gave our everything… to the Creator. And now I’m finding out it was all a lie? If it’s true, and they really are THE Creator… then I’ve just been lying to myself?? That everything I’ve went through, every trial I’ve faced, every man I’ve stared down as we sent him to his death, every challenged I’ve faced… that i convinced myself that I would get through for them… that it was just a test to prove my worth… my loyalty… would it be for nothing..? I’ve…” The man stood up, chair knocking back behind him as he rose, tears staining his cheeks. Neuvillette also stood, putting a hand in front of Furina. Chlorinde simply sat with hands drawn to her lap.

“I’ve devoted my LIFE to them!! I’ve given my EVERYTHING to THEM!! I thought… I THOUGHT… I THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD SAVE ME FROM THIS DAMNNATION OF SOULS GRIPPPING TO MY CHEST, CRYING OUT THAT I COULDNT SAVE THEM!! MY SIBLINGS, MEN I KNEW COULDNT HAVE BEEN GUILTY AND AND- YOU WANT TO SAY ITS ALL BEEN FOR NOTHING?!?” “CALM YOURSELF WIROTHESLEY!-“ “NO! BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!”

A shouting match began between the two men, Chlorinde jumped up and wrapped herself around a now shaking Furina who was about to cry again, holding your form close to her chest. As the men screamed at each other - and teacups started being thrown - you finally stirred, opening bleary eyes at the scene unveiling before you.

Why were people screaming..? What… You looked up to see Furina shaking and silently sobbing over you, Chlorinde hushing her and whispering into her ear, though you couldn’t hear what she was saying. Wriggling around enough to face the shouting, your eyes widened at the sight of Neuvillette and Wirothesley screeching at each other, both Visions glowing wildly at the emotions of their wielders.

It was getting to a point where your ears were starting to hurt, so you leapt of Futuna’s lap, which led to her and Chlorinde whipping their heads to you, and ran over to the shouting men. You didn’t know what had come over you, seeing them both fight - something you never thought you would’ve witnessed honestly - and ran between them paws raised. Both paused for only a second, before Wirothesley started arguing again and Neuvillette followed. You tried to chitter and call over both of them, not getting anywhere with their raised voices.

You took a deep breath, focusing. This had been something you wanted to try since the beginning but just never had the time nor the energy to do so. But if there ever was a time, now was it. Your brows furrowed as you focused on any and all water in the current room, imagining the water following your command, as though alive and you its master. You grunted, catching Furina’s attention as she called for you to come back.

Cups suddenly started shaking in the room, only the Archon and Dualist taking note. It also didn’t help that the entire building was surrounded by water, though luckily you were able to mostly focus your attention on the small bits of water in the room. Neither Wriothesley or Neuvillette stopped to look at you as you raised your little paws to your head, the shouting mixed with your focus bringing on a headache.

Finally, it came to a close when Wriothesley shouted at the top of his lungs; teacups shattered and liquid swirled around the room, tea and water and otherwise swimming around the room like a raging typhoon, slamming into walls and knocking over objects. Finally the Duke and Sovereign stopped looking just as shocked as the Duelist and Archon. You pressed your paws forward, all the liquid slamming onto the arguing duo, pushing them into wall on opposite sides of the room.

Neuvillette looked remorseful while Wriothesley was shocked, eyes as wide as possible and jaw slacked. After a moment of silence you dropped your paws, allowing the two to fall to the floor drenched and standing in puddles.

“Holy… Holy Shit. They are the…” Wriothesley looked towards Neuvillette who nodded. Wriothesley fell to his knees, hands gripping at his hair and tears filling his eyes.

“All my life… was a lie?” You rushed to his side before he could spiral, rapidly chittering and crying, wishing you could speak so you could comfort him. In fear of another argument you began to cry. You sniffled and placed paws on his arm, practically begging him not to fall down that dark hole of spiraling thoughts.

Suddenly, you felt a hand on your head. Fingers gently carded through your fur, and you looked up, meeting Wriothesley’s eyes. They were still teary, filled with grief and sorrow, but there was something behind it, something bright.

“Mm… don’t cry little guy. I didn’t mean to uh… scare you?” His smile was shaky at best. You whined and climbed into his lap, paws pressed to his cheeks and small kitten-licks to the tears he evidently didn’t know about, rubbing away any others you couldn’t get. His eyes widened, quickly trying to rub away any stray tears he caught.

The others watched the scene, not daring to speak. Eventually Wriothesley picked you up to stare at you. All his life had been spent worshiping one person, they fell from the sky one day, and he figured that’d be it. He got live in the generation that saw the return of their blessed Creator. Never to have them look him in the eye or anything.

But here you were. An otter. And you had already done so much more for him than the Creator had in such a short amount of time.

It would take a while, he figured, till his mind really did say that you were, in fact, the real and true Creator, till his mind could finally let go of the notion that he’d never get to see them because here you were, in his arms, caring for him.

“… Y’know… you’re a pretty cute little otter.” Everyone’s eyes snapped over to him when he spoke, more tears falling from his eyes. You squirmed around, desperately trying to get close enough to wipe them but were caught off-guard when instead Wriothesley wiped tears out of your eyes.

You cried, squirming in his arms to wrap your own around his neck. Everyone was silent as this happened, watching as his arms gently curled around you, slowly breaking down.

Neuvillette turned away, ashamed that he had lost his cool, and watched as Furina got up from the couch and walked over to you and Wriothesley. She couched down and sat beside you both, laying a head on Wriothesley’s shoulder.

You chirped quietly into the mana chest, letting him silently sob into you.

Only the sound of moving water disrupted the calm.

૮꒰づ˶• ༝ •˶꒱づ ˚ʚ ꒰⁐⁐⁐⁐୨🍯🧁🥥୧⁐⁐⁐⁐꒱ ɞ˚

That meeting was weeks ago, and now your little group was coming up with a plan to bring this news to light before all the other nations.

It had been well established to them that creatures of Teyvat, from small bugs to the largest beast, would all listen to you under any and all circumstances.

Like now.

While they all spoke under the moonlight inside Wriothesley’s office - one of the most secretive places in all of Fontaine - you swam just outside the walls in a raft of otters, all in all just having a fun time until the inevitable.

The rebellion.

Naturally everyone in the room was pissed, especially since it had been years at this point that that false ‘Creator’ had sat on a throne that was rightfully yours. They could see the effect your presence had on Fontiane.

The sun shone brighter, the water seemed clearer, less Meka broke down, flower bloomed easier, crime even dropped. It was great.

Everyone and everything seemed and felt happier.

Much happier than with that fucking liar.

A map of the large, floating Sanctuary and Shrine that was supposed to house the Creator was laid out across a table, specific entry point circled in red.

“Next week marks the beginning of the *Creator’s Walk. Defenses will grow as this week passes but the first day of the walk, there will be no Acolytes.” Neuvillette broke the silence by pointing towards the circles on the map.

“But they’ll still be in the perimeter. I should know, I was apart of the last Creator’s Walk.” Chlorinde spoke up, adjusting her hat. “I can’t think of any entrance we may have left ungraded, even if from a distance.”

They were silent as they thought. The Creator’s walk was a Month Long holiday where the Creator would walk nation to nation - by themselves - in order to hand out blessings, push back monsters for a following month of no attacks and to retrace their original path between Nations, a show that they were all still connected.

The quiet was broken by the sounds of you chittering, the door opening and revealing you wrapped in a Melusine themed towel, Sigewinne trailing right behind you.

“Thank you Sigewinne for returning them to us, now if you would mind-“ Neuvillette started but was interrupted by the Melusine, “You’re talking about the plan right?” Everyone stared at her while you took it upon yourself to climb into Furina’s lap.

“How did-“ “Uh, duh. I’ve known all along? I would’ve figured you’d have guessed that by now, especially with all the other Melusine and Meka treating them so great? Come on Monsieur Neuvillette, you’re smarter than that!” The sentence was ended with a giggle as she skipped over to the still shocked older man.

Neuvillette shook himself from the sudden stupor, sighing and nodded, before his eyes lit up.

“That’s right. We have all the Meka of Fontaine on our side. They’d do anything for ma moitié. How in Archons name did we forget we have an entire army on our side?” Everyone stared at Neuvillette sheepishly, shrugs and mutters filling the room. Neuvillette sighs and hangs his head, but quickly rebounds.

“Well in that case, most Nations haven’t fought our Meka-“ “But they have fought Ruin Guards.” Chlorinde spoke again. Neuvillette bit his cheek, she had a point. While Meka were different, it wouldn’t take to much the Acolytes to find weaknesses due to said Ruin Guards.

Silence again.

“The Local Legends and beasts alike could be of use. I mean, I doubt anyone’s fought giant crabs before.” Furina mentioned, though most of her attention was on you, drying you off and petting you.

“That is true, Lady Furina.” Wriothesley agreed. Eyes drew back to the map, taking in every spot on the thing.

“There!” Sigewinne was the one to point to a point on the map, near the back to the left of the large estate.

“What’s the spot?” She asked, Wriothesley took one look and responded.

“That’s a window to their wine cellar. Pretty unused but still guarded, why?” Sigewinne looked up with a grin.

“Because it’s closest to a body of water.” Chlorinde looked closely at the spot, and her eyes widened a bit.

“She has a point, and on top of that, while it is still guarded it’s much more lax, especially considering it’s not to far from where the ‘Creator’ will be leaving but far enough where anyone would doubt an entry. On the other hand, it could only appear that way.”

“That’s where Meka and monsters could come in.” Wriothesley started. “When we’re protecting the place we more expect other people than monsters considering they’re all scared of the place.”

The plan started to come together, more pieces being added and who should go first and so on and so forth. Furina was too busy playing with you to really care, but looked up with a confused expression.

“When are we going to tell the others? Vision users, I mean. And… how?” Everyone looked towards her.

“…Fuck.” And a new can of worms now needed to be opened.

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : IM SO FUCKING SORRY I CANT DO IT!! I swear I will be keeping this idea in mind tho because I now have a plan to map out all of the creator stories I swear it I’m just tired omg I’m sorry but I hope this suffices for now-

… This is so disappointing I’m sorry-

#genshin impact sagau #sagau x reader #sagau #x reader #x gn reader #gn y/n #x gn y/n #yandere x reader #yandere x you #Otter!Creator #asks <3 #anon <3

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worldofkuro · 9 months ago

Text

Painted Smile

Painted Smile XV

Pairing: Alastor x Female! Reader

<- Previous Chapter I Next Chapter ->

Summary: You couldn't wait to meet new friends. What you didn't expect was this smiling little boy, only one year older than you, that would take such a big place in your life.

Notes: Because I wasn't satisfied with the last chapter I decided to post the next one right now. I’m so excited about your thoughts because the plot is finally beginning ! I can’t wait to hear about your theories.

“ It makes your boobs look ugly, another one please !”

You were being tugged behind the curtain already being undressed to put on another dress. Today you were with Alice, in one of the most expensive shops of all New Orleans, to find your wedding dress. It was an exciting, amusing and stressful experience. Alice was being, as usual, honest about the dress you have been trying for almost an hour.

“ Alice, how many more dresses do I need to try? You know we still don’t have a date for the wedding? Alastor’s father is still missing.”

“ What about it? His loss if he misses the wedding. Now, I think I’ve found the perfect dress for you~!”

You laughed behind the curtain. Alice didn’t even know Alastor’s father, she never met him but you have told her once that you didn’t feel comfortable with him and she decided that she would hate him until the end of time. You looked at the dresses you have been trying, a part of you was happy to be here with your best friend and yet you wondered…Were you selfish? You knew Alice was in love with Alyzée but they couldn’t get wed to each other… Were you hurting Alice without being aware of it?

“ Alice–?”

“ This one. This one will fit perfectly your waist, your legs, your shoulder, your chest. For heaven’s sake, I’m the best.” she said looking at her nails. Why were your best friend and your future husband so full of themselves while you were always insecure ! “ Come on, try this one.”

“ Alice.. I’m.. You’re okay?” you asked, taking the dresses off her hands.

“ Yes? Well, I’m still shocked about what you told me about John, but you know what we say, we don’t keep trash around us.”

“ Who is “we”?”

“ Me, Myself and I. Now, try the dress, doll ! I’ll find the shoes!” you laughed as you watched her running away. You sighed with a smile, you were surrounded by amazing people, you should try to be more sure about yourself.

The workers from the stores helped you put on the dress and your shoes. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You felt.. pretty. Really pretty. You smiled at yourself, moving the pans of the dress, loving the movement it was doing.

“ Can I see?”

“ Of course Alice.” you turned around. Since you could remember, Alice always knew how to dress you up. From her Christmas’s Eve’s soirée where she had found that beautiful dress from today, she would always come with outfits from other countries, always being new, unique, something Alastor scoffed most of the time. He was always saying that Alice was running toward the future without being aware of her surroundings. And Alice was always saying that Alastor needed to shut up because he was lucky to look good in anything.

“ Oh my Lord. You look ravishing, my friend!” she clapped her hands together, her eyes whelming up a bit. “ Oh God… I’m… I’m so proud of you.”

“ I haven’t done anything yet.” you laughed nervously.

“ Take the compliment for once. So, what do you think? I , personally, think it’s the perfect dress for you. But what do you think?”

“ This is my favorite too. but the price–”

“ Let me buy it.” you opened your mouth, ready to complain but Alice stopped you with her hand.” I know, I know, you’ve never liked me paying stuff for you, expensive things mostly. But please, just this one, let me buy it. I… The next time I go into this kind of shop might be for my own wedding, which won’t be filled with laughter and love like we just did. It might be selfish, but just.. I want this moment. I’m sorry–”

“ Okay.” you smiled, almost moved to tears by her comment “ But Alice, for your wedding, no matter with who, I’ll be there. There will be laughter and love, because you won’t be alone in this.”

You saw Alice nodded, wiping some tears from her eyes. You looked at her, your best friend might never be married to the one she loved, but you will never let her feel loveless.

You took off the dress, as Alice went to pay in cash. You joined her once you were dressed with your own clothes and you both walked toward her place. You saluted the butler, who bowed to you.

You both sat down in the huge living room, sighing in relief. You took off your heels, your feet were killing you.

“ By the way, if we need to find Alastor’s father to be able to have your wedding, do you want me to… pull a few strings for you? I could call the best of the best!”

“ No, no. I won’t lie, the fact that he is missing isn’t… bothering me.”

“ I’ll cheer for that. “ she winked at you before asking for wine. You laughed, she always loved Rosé. It wasn’t very strong in alcohol, it had a very good taste but when the alcohol hitted. Dear lord…

You didn’t drink too much, you had to walk back home yourself after all. You smiled when you saw Alice put on Alastor's broadcast even though she was rolling her eyes at the radio sometimes.

“ Are you hearing him? Gosh. I knew you when your voice was cracking, Alastor !” she shouted at the radio.

“ Alastor voice never–”

“ A woman can dream, dear. Gosh, now I hear his voice anywhere I’m going.”

You laughed behind your glass. Alastor was gaining popularity surprisingly quickly, which was good of course. It was the best outcome you could imagine.

“ Now, about my cottage.”

“ Alice, we told you we don’t have the money and you just bought me my wedding dress.”

“ Who is “we” my dear?”

“ Me, Myself and I.” You stuck your tongue at her, making her laugh. Alice was a girl ahead of her time with her manners and way of talking, she always felt like a breeze of fresh air.

“ Well, if you all say so.” She took a sip of a drink before looking at the door, her father making his entrance. You stood up as the big man smiled at you, he always has been nice, never raising his voice, always wanting what’s best for Alice.

“ Oh, good afternoon ladies. Alice, I just wanted to tell you that you might have a date with the son of the–”

“ Yes Daddy, I know, don’t worry I’ll go.” she said, looking away. You saw her father smile sadly before leaving after giving you both candy you used to like when you were younger. You looked at her, worried. Was she going to be okay? “ Don’t look at me like that Doll. It’s going to be the same as usual, I’m going there, bat my pretty eyes and at the end, I’ll just say to Daddy that the man wasn’t what we needed for the family.”

“ How long do you think you can keep this game going?”

She stared at the large windows in silence. Alice was just like a bird in a cage, she felt like freedom, but would never taste it for herself.

“ As long as I can.”

You stayed with her until the sun was setting down. The maid took her to her bedroom as she was sleeping on the sofa. Seems like going on another date was getting harder and harder for her. Was Alyzée aware of it? You sighed as you gave your goodbye, before walking out of the mansion.

You decided to go into a park, walking between the trees. There weren’t a lot of people outside, even though we were in March, the weather was still cold. You stopped when you saw an old man fall not too far from you.

“ Oh sir! Are you alright, let me help you!” you said as you took the cane that had fallen from his hand. You helped him sitting down on a nearby bench.

“ Oh, thank you little lady.”

The man was tall, black with brown eyes, a white beard, he was wearing a hat, helding on his cane, he seemed like he had injured his leg.

“ Do you want me to take a look at your leg? I’m no nurse, but I used to help my father when he came back from war.”

“ Ahh, war. You don’t need to take care of me, little lady.” he smiled warmly at you. “ You look sad yourself, do you need to talk about it with an old man?”

You looked at him, he felt so warm and he was… cute. His aura was gentle, cute like a kid that wanted to learn something new. You haven’t seen your grandfather since he died during the war, you haven’t had the strength to go back to your old country to go to his grave so… Maybe why not indulge yourself and talk with this man?

“ I’m… I want to help a friend, she is in love but can’t marry that person.”

“ Aah, love. And why can’t she?”

“ She had to marry someone from “noble blood”.” you sighed, rolling your eyes. It was bullshit. “ She has no choice.”

“ Mhn… I think she does, little lady. We always have a choice, when you think you don’t have one, it’s because you already made up your mind. “ he smiled at you with eyes that held so much wisdom.

“ But… What if the other choices are more dangerous?” you asked, feeling like you weren’t talking about Alice anymore.

“ Well, little lady. What would you do?”

You stopped talking. You killed to be with the one you wanted. You had a choice and yet..

“ Are you unhappy with the choices you made?”

“ No, but I’m afraid of what it will bring at my door.”

“ Aah.. Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait.”

“ What?”

“ You will see, little lady. Your friend is maybe so blinded by what she has to do that she can’t see what she could do. Love is the deadliest poison and yet the sweetest remedy in the world. She should try to think for herself, don’t you think? Would you rather live your whole life in misery or be happy for a short time of your existence? The difference between existing and living is thin, little lady, but it exists.” he nodded before looking at the sky, seeming lost in thoughts.

You stared at this mysterious man. He seemed to be around 60, maybe that is why he seemed so wise. You looked at the sky and gasped when you saw the moon in the sky. It was already dark!

“ Oh, I need to go!” you stood up but before leaving you took the candy from Alice’s father. You smiled at the man, placing the candy in his veiny hands. “ Thank you for that useful advice.” You beamed at him as he looked curiously at the candy before smiling at you. “ Maybe we’ll see each other one day again !”

“ May our ways cross again if needed, little lady, may our ways cross…”

You ran back home, feeling better than when you left Alice’s house. You walked inside and saw your father with Jeff in the living room. They were still trying to understand how Alastor’s father could have disappeared like this. You smiled at the men, walking toward them.

“ Nothing news?”

“ No, my sweet daughter. We are trying, but from the moment he left the bar he wasn’t seen anymore.”

“ I’m sure the wife was having an affair and decided to kill the husband. Classic scenarios.”

“ And how could she have done that?” you sat on the sofa, staring at Jeff with an innocent smile. You almost smirked when you saw him puffing his chest, feeling so much pride in vomiting all the information he should kept away from you.

“ The man came home, drunk. She could easily poison him, hide the body somewhere and end the story.”

“ Mhn… But without a body, you don’t know. What if he was the one having an affair and ran away? From what I understood, he seemed to be someone who drank a lot, maybe he was being ambushed in an alley because we know for a fact he never made it back home.” you smiled at him, your father smiling with pride by your side.

“ That what they say but–”

“ No, that’s what we said. I was there. I’ve never seen this man come back home.” you stared at him down. He shut his mouth. “ You see, I really want to get married and the fact that you are trying to put the blame on my future family in law is getting on my nerves. So please, do me, us, a favor, find out what happened. And if you are unable to, just give up.” you looked at your father. “ I don’t want to wait forever, I want to get married.”

Your father stared at you before kissing your forehead.

“ Alright sweetie, we have a new man who’ll help us in this case. I’ll give him three months, if he doesn’t find anything, I will close the case and we will concentrate on your wedding.” you hugged your father with a happy grin. Finally!

You bid your goodbye before going into your bedroom, getting ready to go to bed. You listened to the noises downstairs, waiting for Jeff to go and your father to go to bed.

You were concentrating so much on trying to hear what was going downstairs that you didn’t notice the shadows behind you. You almost shouted as a gloved hand fell upon your mouth, muffling your screams.

“ You’re such an easy prey, dearest.”

You sighed in relief as you closed your eyes. Alastor was really the quietest being you have ever met, which was surprising when he was the noisiest man on the radio.

You turned your head toward him, looking at his mocking smile. He was so full of himself. You bit his finger before letting it go, going for a hug. He hummed against you.

“ How did you come here?”

“ Well, the windows, dear.”

You scoffed before forcing him to sit on your bed. You sat on his lap and took his hand with yours, playing with his fingers.

“ I have my wedding dress.” you smirked when you felt his whole body tensed underneath you. “ And you won’t see it, because I left it at Alice’s.”

“ Do you really need Alice in your life, dearest?” asked Alastor with an amused voice.

“ Yes! Come on Alastor, be honest with me, you enjoy Alice’s company?”

“ Hah ! I enjoy Alice’s contacts nothing more.” he rolled his eyes, pressing you against his body. “ She is useful and she can be amusing, when she is having problems.” he smirked at you, making you slap his shoulder, trying to contain your laughter. He was such a…

“ Well, I have some news on your father’s case, my dear future husband.” you smiled as you explained what happened with Jeff. You couldn’t help but grin when you saw Alastor beaming with pride as he listen to what you have told the policeman.

“ My, my… So, they think my Mother did it?”

“ For now, we know that we have three months until we are completely free of it.”

“ Have you felt it again?”

You tilted your head.

“ What?”

“ The need to kill.” he asked you, gripping your waist, pressing your body against his. You felt lightheaded.

“ N-N.. Well… I thought for a second.. to kill John.” you saw Alastor’s pupils dilated as he stared at you before kissing your neck. You tilted your head to give him more room.

“ Mhn, interesting, go on, why?”

“ Because he was bad mouthing you.” you tried to contain the anger in your voice, you didn’t want to wake up your parents. “ Who does he think he is?” you rolled your eyes, you were still hurt about what John has said but now you weren’t feeling sadness over it, only anger.

“ Would you like to kill him?”

You looked at Alastor who had his chin against your chest, looking at you in a way too innocent face for the conversation you were having.

“ Alastor, we can’t. There would be too much suspicion on us, we already have your father’s disappearance on us, if we kill John–” he kissed you feverishly making you sigh in the kiss. Oh, how you loved the feeling of Alastor’s lips against yours.

“ Do you hear yourself, darling?” he smiled against your lips. “ In your mind, you are already ready to kill him… ” he sighed against your skin. You stared at him, stroking his cheeks. You wanted to see the Alastor you had seen the first time you killed.

The difference between existing and living is thin, little lady, but it exists.

You kissed Alastor on the nose, with an excited smile.

“ Not now.”

You fell asleep with new marks on your thighs and your neck. When you woke up the next morning, you were already smiling.

You stayed with your mother all morning, spending time with her until you decided to go to Alice’s. You didn’t know when her date was supposed to be, but if you could help her morally before she had to leave, it would be great. You took some pancakes you’ve made and walked toward her mansion, the butler let you enter, escorting you to the living room.

“ Miss Alice shall be here soon.”

You nodded before sitting on the sofa. You put the pancakes on the table and wait until you hear the familiar footsteps of your best friend. You turned your head and smiled at her, as usual, she was beautiful.

“ Hello Alice.” you stood up and you both hugged each other. She sat next to you, holding her head in her hand. “ Mhn, the wine doesn’t taste good the day after, right?” you laughed as she groaned.

“ Please, not so loud…”

“ What a hangover.” you whispered, mockingly. She stuck her tongue at you before digging into your pancakes. “ Well, someone is hungry.”

“ I don’t want this man to think he has a chance with me because I seem eager to eat.”

You smiled, crossing your legs. You told Alice that you needed to wait three more months before finally concentrating on your wedding. You laughed as she let out a sigh of pure relief.

“ Thank God, since when do we stop living because a man disappeared.” she rolled her eyes before eating the last pancake. You look at the butler who came to announce Alice’s date. And like an actress, Alice put on the fakest smile she could conjure, Alastor would be proud. You stood up as a man, looking around 40 came into the living room, he was sweating so much you could see sweat pearling on his forehead.

You gave Alice a look, encouraging her with your eyes before leaving, you even made a face to the butler who nodded at you, with a disgusted face. You laughed before leaving, going out to buy some pastries. You walked to the park, thinking about your weddings. Where should you do it? What about the honeymoons? Did Alastor want children?

You stopped when you saw the same old man from last time, sitting on the bench, smoking a pipe. You grinned and walked toward him.

“ Hello, sir.”

“ Hello, little lady.”

“ Might I sit a moment with you?”

“ It would be my pleasure. You seem happier than yesterday.”

You smiled as you sat next to the man. You felt safe with him, maybe it was because his aura reminded you of your deceased grandfather..? You didn’t know. You began to talk, mostly about what was going on in your life until you began to talk about your wedding.

“ Mhn, you have quite the ring.” the old man said with a little grin. He didn’t have a ring on his fingers, did he never get married?

“ Yes, in less than three months, I will be able to concentrate on my wedding.”

“ Who is the lucky lad?”

“ If you are listening to the radio you might have heard him, his name is Alastor.”

“ Alastor heh..? Quite a name, quite a name…”

You smiled, happy that Alastor was getting a name to himself. You took your box of pastries and held one for your new friend. He thanked you before eating one éclair au chocolat. You smiled as you kept talking with him, the man mostly listening and giving you wise advice.

“ Being too confident is not a good thing, your insecurity might be a blessing on some occasions.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ Don’t be afraid, to feel afraid. The ones who don’t fear are gods, spirits…”

“ But it’s irrational.” you frowned, how many times you felt jealousy when you didn’t need to be.

“ Yes, but it’s instinctive. Here is some wise advice from an old man: trust your feelings. Did they ever betray you in the past, when you needed them, little lady?” he looked at you with a warm smile.

You looked at the ground. Your family always told you, you were sensitive, you would easily be overwhelmed by what you were feeling or what was going on around you.

But when Alastor’s father took the bullets, you didn’t know why, you felt it in your guts that something was going to happen. That’s why you had run outside to find Alastor and that's how you killed his father.

But then, why did you not feel John’s romantic attention towards you ?

“ People who feel a lot are trying to balance themselves by becoming observant. That way, they feel more grounded, they think they are being rational, which can be good sometimes. But you mustn't discard your feelings, you’ll lose yourself like that. You seem like a sensitive little lady, it’s not bad and it’s not good, that's what you seem to be. Why would you want to be like others, they are already busy being themselves.”

“ So.. I should listen to myself more?”

“ It’s a choice you can make. Feeling emotions is a good thing, it connects you to the rest of the world.” he nodded before looking at the sky, smiling warmly. “ And isn’t it beautiful?”

You stared at the man. He was such an.. intense person in a way. Would he talk to you the same way if he knew you had killed someone and you didn’t feel any kind of remorse?

“ What if… by being connected to the world, I might be a bad person?” you whispered.

“ That’s your choice. For some people you will be a bad person no matter what you do, no matter what you think.” he looked at his cane before eating the rest of his éclair au chocolat. “ Soldiers killed during war, the winners are seen as heroes, and the losers as cold blooded killers. Who is right? They all killed people, they all did horrible things and yet they aren’t seen as the same. Your father have killed during the war, right? What made him different from an enemy soldier?”

“ Because… he was fighting for what’s…right..?”

“ Who says?” he tilted his head, always having a gentle expression. He wasn’t judging you, he was just curious about your thoughts.

You couldn’t find an answer to his questions.

You stayed in silence for a moment, thinking about the man’s words. What was strange, was that his words weren't shaking your morals, but it was making you accept them. You had killed, you wanted to kill again, maybe not as strongly as Alastor, but you wouldn’t be opposed to killing again, if it was to protect. You knew it was the difference between you and Alastor, you would kill to protect while you knew Alastor would kill.. Because he wanted to.

And you accepted it, you accepted him, you accepted yourself.

You would be the wife to a murderer, maybe he would kill again, maybe not. You didn’t really care. You would be by his side, as promised.

You opened your eyes, feeling lighter. You didn’t expect to feel burdened by all of this, but maybe, the fact that you were trying to make the wedding happen was a way for you not to think about what happened.

You felt better.

You turned your head toward the man who was looking at the people walking in front of you. They weren’t looking at you, just walking, not even caring about you. You smiled.

“ Thank you. I feel… better.”

“ Is it a good thing?” he asked, amused. You grinned.

“ Well, for my own happiness, yes!”

“ Then, everything is good.”

“ I’m going to meet a friend.. But, can I have your name sir?”

The man stared at you with his usual gentle and wise expression. You waited politely, maybe he thought you were being rude, asking his name out of the blues?

“ Legba.”

You bid your goodbye before walking toward Alice’s home. You were going to encourage her to break free from her chains! She didn’t need to marry a sweaty man, she could handle herself perfectly! You entered the mansion, the butler escorting you once again in the living room. Now, you just need to wait!

You opened your eyes, not even realizing you fell asleep when you heard shouting at the front door. You walked toward the entrance and saw Alice and the sweaty gentleman, your friend was shouting at the man, demanding his departure from her house while he was clearly trying to calm Alice.

“ What is going on?”

“ This man is just a filthy pig! Touching me like I’m some kind of harlot.” she was fuming, trying to contain her rage. What did that man do? The man, who didn’t seem sure of himself became more confident, pointing at Alice.

“ Maybe that’s what you are, kissing the mayor’s daughter like this. What a scoop that would be, unless we come to an agreement of course. I think you would make a darling wife Miss Alice. I’ll let you think about it, and if you need more convincing, I have proof. Now, have a great night ladies.”

And just like that, he left.

Alice closed the door before dropping to her knees, breathing heavily. You took her in your arms, looking for a butler or a maid but nobody was around, which was weird. You tried to calm her but she was panicking.

“ He saw us.. He saw us kiss.. Oh lord, what could happen if he were to open his mouth about it.” she was shaking, nipping at her nails.

You calmly took her hand with yours.

“ Do you have any way to get rid of him?”

She looked at you, seeming torn to speak before sighing.

“ Don’t think I’m a monster but… Most of the richest families have.. people who do their dirty jobs? Sending… assassins or things like that..? I’ve never done that of course, but I feel so trapped right now… Oh, what Alyzée is going to think.”

“ She won’t need to think about it. Use your assassins.” you wondered if you were shocking her. Maybe you were a little too at ease with the idea of killing someone ?

“ No. They would report everything to my father and if they see the proof… My father would know about me and Alyzée.” she sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. You knew it was dangerous, you knew it could backfire but…

“ What about me?”

“ You? What you?”

“ Do you want me to… ?”

Alice stared at you before laughing so hard she was crying. Or was she crying so hard that she was laughing ?You waited for her to calm down before staring at her.

“ Are you serious ?”

“ Seems like she is.”

You both turned around to find Alastor, standing in front of you, the door open.

“ My dear, we don’t talk about taking trash out at the entrance, I taught you better than that.” he smiled widely at you. Alice was looking at you then at Alastor, seeming confused. You sighed before helping your friend standing up. “ Is there a place we could talk about getting rid of the trash?” asked Alastor with a beaming grin.

Alice seemed to come back to herself, and she tugged you to her father’s office. She locked the door behind Alastor, staring at you.

“ Explanation ?”

“ Nothing too serious. You’ve been caught in a big scoop Alice, and you need us to clean the mess you’ve made!” you paled, asking Alastor how did he know, did the bastard already told everyone? “ Oh dear, no, but from Alice’s expression, the only things that could make her so upset would be you or her lovely Alyzée. I took a lucky guess.”

“ Alastor, you are… your father… oh… that explains so much.” Alice let herself drop on her father’s chair. “ So, that’s why you didn’t want me to help to look for his father, because he killed him?” asked Alice, looking at you, confused.

“ We killed him.”

“ Of course you did.” she sighed, putting her head on the desk. “ I need.. a fucking glass of whiskey, I’m not having this conversation sober.” She took a bottle from the cabinet before sitting back in front of you. She poured herself after giving you and Alastor a glass. “ So, let me get this through, you both killed Alastor’s father and now you want to kill the man who knows I’m in love with Alyzée?”

“ Well, Alice, for once you made your brain work. I would almost be shedding a tear if I cared.” said Alastor as he sipped his drink. “ And furthermore, this man is a pig that needs to be slaughtered.”

You felt relaxed. You didn’t know why, but the fact that Alastor was referring to the man as a pig made you feel even less remorse than you could have felt.

“ What are you winning from this?”

“ Nothing–”

“ Doll, I know you don’t want to manipulate me. I know. I’m talking about your murderous husband. He wouldn’t help me freely.”

“ Using your brain for the second time? What a day folks ! It’s simple really, you are at the head of one of the richest families in Louisiana. Having you on my side is a plus.”

“ I’m already at your side–!”

“ No Alice, you could be cutting yourself to prove your faith and I would still doubt you. But a crime, that is a win-win situation. The pig is slaughtered, you are free, my darling and myself are doing what we need and everything is back to normal!” exclaimed Alastor with his usual smile.

“ … Fine.”

As Alice and Alastor were talking about the contract, you felt shivers down your spine. You closed your eyes, trying to comprehend what was happening. You don’t know why but you remembered Legba’s words. You need to trust your instincts. You couldn’t hear Alice and Alastor anymore, you could hear footsteps… You could hear…a shovel digging into the ground.

“ Darling?”

You gasped as you felt Alastor hand on your shoulder. What just happened ? They both were looking at you, worried.

“ I’m okay.. I just.. I’m okay.” you nodded, feeling extremely tired all of the sudden. “ Alastor… Where is your father's corpse?”

“ Six feet underground.”

“ I think.. I think we should check it out.”

“ Why dig up dirt from the past?”

“ Because I think someone is trying to dig him up.”

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whatdoeseverybodywant · 3 months ago

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You're the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 31

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“Uhh, should we call Josh?” Mercedes asked as she, Trinity, and Bianca watched Airielle grind her ass on some random man. The three women couldn’t deny that he was attractive and if Airielle wasn’t with Josh.. they might have left them alone.

“No. Definitely do not call Josh. And I can’t call Jon cause they’re together.” All three woman turned their head back to watch Airielle. They’re eyes growing wide as the man started sliding his hand up her thigh and towards her skirt.

"Oh my gosh," Trinity whispered, her hand flying to her mouth. "We need to get her out of there. Now." Trinity didn’t wait for a response from Bianca or Mercedes. She marched over to Airielle. “Sis, come on.”

“Trin!” Airielle shouted, clearly drunk. “Where you been at friend!?”

Trinity wanted to laugh but she knew something was wrong. She had known Airielle for a year and she had never seen her get drunk like this. She wanted to call Yasmine, but Trinity knew she was home resting with her newborn son. “I don’t think Josh would be–” Trinity started but Airielle cut her off with a loud scoff.

“Fuck Joshua Fatu! He’s a liar!” Trinity’s eyes widened at Airielle’s statement. What the fuck happened? Trinity thought. Airielle and Josh were good when they left the hotel room.

Josh was pissed, He broke all types of traffic laws as he sped to the nightclub his girl was currently at. His girl that had no problem grinding her ass on another man. Just thinking about it, made him tighten his fist around the steering wheel, his knuckles going white.

When he got the text from Yara, he was pretty sure his eyes were playing tricks on him. But there it was, clear as day: a blurry video of Airielle a hazy smile on her face as she winded her ass against some other man.

Trinity’s eyes widened as she watched Josh make his way towards them. “Who called him?!” She asked turning toward Bianca and Mercedes who both shook their heads.

“Where she at?” Josh asked once he walked over to them. He looked out on the dance floor, trying to spot Airielle.

“Brother, just calm down… She’s drunk as fuck right now.”

“Calm?” Josh hissed. “How the fuck can I be calm when my girl out here rubbing her ass all up on another man?!”

“I know just–” Trinity started but Josh had walked off from her, in search of Airielle. “Fuck” She muttered and chased after him.

It didn’t take them too long to find her. Josh’s whole body froze as he laid eyes on Airielle. She was leaning against the bar. A soft but lazy smile on her face as she talked to the same guy from the video. The guy was leaning in close, clearly enjoying the attention. Trinity felt her stomach drop as she watched Josh's expression twist into a mix of anger and hurt.

“Josh just wa–” Before Trinity could finish her sentence, Josh was already storming towards Airielle and the man. His fists were clenched at his sides, jaw tight with barely contained rage.

“Imma need you to back the fuck up.” Josh spat at the man, as he slid into the space between him and Airielle. The guy looked between Josh and Airielle before holding his hands up and walking away. Josh turned his attention to Airielle who rolled her eyes at him. “What the fuck Rih? Whatchu’ all up on him for?”

Airielle ignored him and turned her her attention to the bartender to ask for another shot. “I know you hear me talking to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Airielle responded, taking her drink from the bartender and trying to walk away from Josh. But he grabbed the drink out of her hand and slammed it back down on the counter.

“Aye yo. You real life starting to piss me off.” Airielle sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes again. ��Stop rolling yo’ fuckin’ eyes at me.” He growled.

“Or what?” She countered back.

Tired of playing games with her. Josh grabbed Airielle and threw her over his shoulder. He then turned to Trinity and told her to go get Bianca and Mercedes or they would be left.

“Josh! Put me down!” Airielle yelled, drawing the attention of the people they walked past on their way out of the bar. Josh paid them and her no mind. He was in a foul-ass mood and he dared someone to say something to him. He unlocked his rental and threw her in the backseat, climbing in behind her. “What the fuck!”

“I should be asking you that! Whatchu’ out here grindin’ on another guy for?!”

“Whatchu’ out here lying about how many times you fucked Yara for?”

“What?”

“What?” She mocked with an eye roll “You got caught, stupid. I seen it with my own eyes Joshua! You said it was a mistake! You don’t make the same mistake TWICE!” Josh just stared at Airielle, he was confused as FUCK! He only slept with Yara once at his apartment.

“When I ever fucking lie to you Airielle?!”

“I saw the video, Josh! I seen you walk into that room with her!” Josh just stared at Airielle. He had no idea what the fuck she was even talking about. “You know what, Imma just ask Ray to send me the video,” She said as she pulled her phone out of her clutch. Josh couldn’t stop his chuckle. “The hell so funny?!” she snapped, her eyes narrowing as she glared at him.

“You deadass believed a guy who’s been trying to get with you since you came to the main roster? Like I said, I never fucking lied to you. Never. You real-life believing him over me?” Airielle’s fingers paused over her phone screen, as she looked back up at him. She started to feel bad as she saw the hurt swirling in his eyes. “That shit with Tracy happened, and what I do? I got all my paperwork from court and showed that shit to you!. I slept with Yara and I tried to start over with you, FOR you! And now you just wanna believe some lame-ass dude who you went on dates with?” Josh sucked his teeth. “Forreal?”

Airielle’s jaw dropped open, her breath catching in her throat as the weight of his words sank in. When she didn’t say anything Josh scoffed and shook his head. He slid out of the backseat and left the door open for Trinity and Bianca to slide in while Mercedes got into the passenger seat. All four girls jumped as he slammed the driver's door after he got in. Airielle felt her heart sink deeper into her stomach, a mixture of embarrassment and regret swirling inside her as she sunk into the backseat of the car.

The car ride back to the hotel was silent. Airielle felt like shit. She knew better than to act first when it came to Josh. And he was right, when has he ever lied to her? She had fucked up their newly reformed relationship and she was certain that he was done with her. For good this time.

Authors Note: If this seems rushed, I'M SORRY! I needed to end this scene/chapter so I could get to the next part lol. Also.. sorry this took me so long 😫

Just a heads up... next chapter is all about Christoper and Airielle so.. please read the trigger warning and proceed with caution ❤️

🏷️: @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci1996 @jeyusos-girl @empressdede

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@shantinextdoor @sheydnni @xmonetsworld @bebesobrielo @kill-the-artiste

@yana3sworld @bookuce @sageispunk @amandairene88 @rianasixx

@vebner37 @mindairy @saintaquarius @adoreesun @shayaaaaaaa

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#wwe #jey uso fanfiction #jey uso x reader #jey uso x black oc #jey uso x you #jey uso x black reader #wwe fanfiction #wwe x black oc #wwe x black reader #wwe x fem reader #jey uso x fem reader #wwe fic #jey uso imagines #jey uso fic #jey uso angst

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andvys · 1 year ago

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I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 17

Warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, mentions of cheating, underaged drinking and drug consumption, break ups, mentions of injuries, mentions of pregnancy (it's just a joke)

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: You spend the night before your birthday with Steve and the same night, it takes a turn for him.

Word count: 9.5k

A/N: This chapter made me realize that my writing needs way more improvement, my words are too repetitive, please ignore. Also big shoutout to @hellfire--cult for throwing some really really amazing ideas at me, thank you, love. I appreciate you! @mysticmunson my angel, thank you for always helping me 🤍

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You missed the warm nights, the transition from winter to spring and spring to summer, where every day it gets warmer and warmer. The sun gets brighter and the flowers adorn every field that you pass by.

It’s only the end of April but it’s already so warm, this night especially. The breeze you feel on your skin is one that reminds you of a chilly summer night.

Your eyes are closed, you are leaning back against the railing as you sit outside on your porch steps, waiting for him to come. A year or two ago, you would have waited for him in your room, you would have waited for him to climb through your window and surprise you with a present.

This year, everything is different.

You don’t want him to sneak into your room, that would only bring up painful memories again and you have had enough of those in the past few weeks, you know that seeing him tonight, will only make things worse. Still, you can’t help but feel excited to see him.

You shouldn’t feel this way, you really shouldn’t.

But you miss him, you miss what you used to have.

The sound of a car pulling up and the bright headlights make you open your eyes.

This feels so wrong. To let him back into your life so easily is such a huge mistake. You don’t know what prompted you to say yes to him when he asked you if he could come over the night before your birthday. Maybe it was the wish to uphold the tradition you have had since you were kids or maybe, it was your stupid heart that made you say yes.

You should have said yes to Eddie when he had asked if you wanted to see a movie with him tonight. You shouldn’t have said yes to him.

He gets out of the car and his eyes instantly lock with yours, his brows furrow, he is probably wondering why you are outside. There is something in his hand, you can’t make out what it is.

“Hey,” he says when he walks towards you.

You force a smile, to match the one on his face.

“Hi Steve.”

The gravel crunches beneath his nike’s and he looks down, breaking eye contact for a moment.

You eye him in curiosity.

Isn’t this weird?

To do this when he is with someone else?

Does she know where he is, right now?

He sits down opposite of you, leaning his back against the other railing. His breathing is a little unsteady and he clears his throat. The porch light is the only thing lighting up the area around you, it’s very dim but you still notice the flushed cheeks.

“How are you?” He asks, nervously.

Only as you hear the shakiness in his voice, do you realize just how nervous he actually is.

You don’t know this side of Steve – you don’t remember ever seeing this side of him. The Steve you once knew was always full of himself, confident, arrogant and cocky. Never nervous.

You haven’t talked to him in a while. The notes you have passed to each other in class don’t count.

“I’m okay,” you say as you pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “how are you?”

He hesitates and his eyes stray away for a few seconds, he looks down at your hands, staring at your rings.

You notice the dark circles under his eyes and the way his features are etched with something that reminds you of something that you always used to see on your face whenever you looked at your reflection in the mirror, when he was seeing Nancy.

“I-I uh, I’m good.”

It’s a lie.

He usually used to avoid looking into your eyes whenever he lied to you.

“Are you?” You ask before you can stop the words from spilling.

When he looks up and you see his eyes again, you notice the frustration behind them. He wears the same look that you used to wear after every fight with him.

Did they fight? Did she make him cry the way he made you cry? Is that why his eyes are glassy and red rimmed?

He only nods.

“It’s almost midnight.”

“Yeah,” you whisper and hold eye contact.

You hate your birthday, god, you hate it so much. If you could, you would sleep the day away but you can’t.

“What’s that?” You ask, gesturing to the tiny box in his hand, the one he hasn’t let go of since he came here.

He hesitates when he follows your gaze and looks down at the object in his hand.

“Uh, it’s your birthday present.”

You raise your brows and you ignore the way your stomach flips at his words.

“Oh?”

He nods and then scoots closer to you but he doesn’t hand it to you yet. He still holds it tightly.

“What’s in there?”

A smile tugs at his lips, “never the patient one, are you?”

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you shake your head, “you know me.”

His eyes skim over your face, your soft features and the light in your eyes that never died, even after everything he had put you through, the light is still shining brightly even when you can’t see it.

“Yeah, I do,” he whispers.

He places his palm on the ground beside you, he is closer now, closer than he had been in a while. His nike’s bump against your black converse, his fingertips graze against yours and the urge to feel his whole hand on top of yours is so strong.

You look down, eying his knuckles, eyeing the scar. You know where it came from, you still ask, “what’s that?”

He furrows his brows at your question, then follows your gaze to see what you are looking at.

“Oh,” he mumbles.

“I know where you got it from but, how did it happen?”

You avoid his eyes this time. You never thanked him for what he did. It’s something that

Steve doesn’t even expect from you, it’s not something you have to thank him for.

He scratches the back of his neck, “uh well, apparently Ray is a fan of pocket knives,” he laughs.

Your eyes widen and you stare at him in shock as your heart leaps to your throat.

“What?” You gasp.

Eddie told you some things but you know that he left a lot of details out. He didn’t want you to worry.

Fear flashes in your features and you instinctively reach for his hand. The thought that something worse could have happened to him and to Eddie makes you feel so guilty.

“It’s fine,” he whispers.

The worry in your eyes makes his heart flutter in his chest.

You still care about him, you always will. He looks down at your hand, your touch is making his skin tingle and a smile tugs at his lips when he remembers all the times he was able to just take your hand and hold it without a second thought, without having to worry about anything, without having to feel guilty, without feeling like he’s doing some forbidden thing.

He can’t just hold your hand now, not anymore.

Not even when she – “No, it’s not! Something worse could’ve happened, Steve–”

“But it didn’t,” he says, interrupting you, “nothing happened to us. We’re fine. Please just, let’s drop this, y/n.”

“But–”

“No buts, I’m not here to talk about that asshole. What’s done is done, let’s leave it in the past, okay?”

Oh, how easy everything could be if that was possible.

You begrudgingly drop the subject when he keeps interrupting you, not wanting to talk about it. When you try to pull your hand away, he stops you and holds it tighter – you let him.

You lean your head back and take a good look at him. His hair has grown longer and there is a kindness in his eyes that had been missing in the last few months of your relationship. His touch feels more gentle, his presence makes you feel calm instead of anxious, he seems like the old Steve – the one who still loved you.

She brought him back, she did something that you could not do.

You weren’t good enough for that – he did not want to change for you.

“Does she know that you’re here?”

He tenses up a little and for a moment, he frowns.

“She wouldn’t care.”

What?

“She wouldn’t care that you’re spending time with your ex girlfriend?” You ask, confused.

“No,” he says, cringing at the word ‘ex girlfriend’.

You don’t believe it, you can’t believe it, especially not after the way she talked about you after he had dumped you for her. Clearly, she can’t stand you and the thought of her not having a problem with her boyfriend hanging out with you, just seems a little too weird to you.

You would have a problem with that.

“Okay,” you mumble under your breath.

“Is everything okay between the two of you?” You ask, still looking down to hide your eyeroll. You don’t really want to hear him talk about his relationship but, you can’t help but feel a little curious. You know that the pain in his eyes isn’t for nothing.

He hesitates and he tenses up, yet again. You feel it in his touch.

“Yeah.”

“I know when you’re lying,” you mumble, glancing up at him to see him looking away.

The chuckle that falls from his lips, isn’t one of amusement. He glances up at the darkening sky.

“I-I just, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What do you mean?” You frown.

As he looks back into your eyes, he sees everything that he is looking for – everything that he can never find in her eyes.

“She is not you.”

For a moment, your heart stops beating, your blood stops pumping, the world stops spinning. Everything stops.

How can he say such a thing?

“She’s not the one that I want.”

How can he say this to you after he had told you that he fell in love with her? That he never loved you?

How can he say this when he looks so happy with her?

How can he say this when you had asked him to let you go?

“Steve.”

“I know,” he whispers, frowning at the ground, “I know, I’m sorry. I-I made a mistake and I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

You hate the way your heart flutters despite the pain it’s in, right now.

You hate the way you wonder about how things could’ve been if you never let him go so easily.

You hate the way you feel so little again, the way you just let his words get to you, the way they are able to make you feel sad instead of angry.

You feel like a fool again, the same fool who forgave him over and over again.

“We both did.” Those three words spill from your lips before you can stop them.

You feel stupid, you instantly feel so so stupid. You miss the anger, the coldness – the one that never let him back in.

He looks up, a bewildered look on his face as he stares at you in shock and confusion.

“What?”

“We both made mistakes.”

He shakes his head, you had never seen such a deep frown in his features, his lips are pursed as he tries to come up with words but he can only stare at you with a questioning look in his eyes.

You blink, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the nervous feeling that is building up more and more.

“I-I just,” you pause to take a deep breath, to give yourself the chance to say something that won’t ruin everything again but, something pushes you to say this, “I keep wondering how things could’ve been if I never let you go, how it would’ve been if I just fought for you.”

He whispers your name as he stares at you with eyes that soften the longer he looks at you.

“I-I never did, I just let you go. I keep thinking about that night at Tina’s party. You spilled that stupid red wine on you that you didn’t even like.”

Steve nods slowly. He feels the bitterness on his tongue, the taste of the sour wine still lingers when he thinks about how much he had drank from it to gain more courage, to make it easier to lie to you, to break your heart.

“You told me that you weren’t in love with me anymore and I just, I said ‘okay’ and then I left and that’s all.”

You look back at him with glossy eyes and a frown on your lips.

“Don’t put the blame on yourself,” he says in anger for himself, “I was the one who lied to you, I was the one who fucked up. Not you, y/n. Never you.”

“But–”

“No!” He shakes his head, “stop it, where’s this even coming from?”

You shrug and it only confuses him further.

“Would you have stayed with me if I didn’t let you go?” You ask, “if I fought for you?”

He feels ashamed, he feels guilty and so horrible.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I would have stayed with you.” Because this is what he wanted. He wanted you to fight for him, he wanted you to make him stay.

You know that he is honest and it breaks your heart again.

“But you shouldn’t have, it wasn’t your job to fight for me. I should have fought for you. You should’ve been the one to leave, not me.”

“What?”

“I was a fucking asshole, y/n. I was an asshole to you, every day of our relationship, I kept fucking up, over and over again and you tolerated it, you never left me. You never got mad at me, you never said anything rude, you never did anything bad, you were – fuck, you were perfect, you are perfect,” he holds your hand tighter.

The tear that rolls down your cheek is quickly wiped away with his thumb.

“And I’m sorry, I am so fucking sorry for what I did to you.”

He hates the way your eyes continue to well up with tears. He hates the way your bottom lip quivers as you try to not break down. He hates the way you are still hurting because of him.

“Steve,” you whisper, not wanting to hear his apologies anymore.

He shakes his head, stubbornly.

“I’m not just saying sorry for leaving you, for choosing her over you. It’s not just that.”

You sniffle quietly and you press your knees to your chest. Your hand is still in his and you don’t make any moves to pull it away.

“I’m sorry that I acted like I wasn’t interested in the things you loved doing. I’m sorry that I didn’t show you how much I really loved you. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold you enough, that I didn’t kiss you the way you should have been kissed, that I didn’t take care of you.”

You start crying before you can stop yourself from doing so.

“I should have held you that night. God, I hate myself for what I did to you that night. You cried a-and I-I didn’t do anything, I just listened to you cry.”

You close your eyes when your vision blurs. Your heart drops to your stomach and a sick feeling rushes through you.

You didn’t know that he was awake, you always thought that he fell asleep before you broke down. But he was awake and he heard you. He was awake and he listened to your cries, he just listened and kept his back turned to you when you needed him to just fucking hold you.

Steve watches the tears rolling down your cheeks, one after the other.

Back then, he could’ve just pulled you into his arms. He could’ve hugged you, he could’ve held you but he never did – now he wants to so badly but now, he can’t.

He sees how much you are struggling, he sees how hurt you still are. All these months, he thought that you had moved on, that you had left him in the past, that you had forgotten about the pain. But he was so wrong about everything.

You have not moved on, you have not left him in the past and you especially, have not forgotten about the pain that he had put you through.

The girl he knew is still in there just like the boy you once knew is still in him.

You both changed but, you are also both still the same.

“I should have given you the locket,” he whispers as he turns your hand around and places the little box into your palm, “I shouldn’t have given you the fucking bracelet that you never wanted.”

To see you cry will always hurt. To know that he is to blame for your pain, will always make him hate himself. To see the way you look at him with so much sadness and still so much love in your eyes will always make his chest burn with regret.

Your brows are pulled together, your lips are parted and you look down at the box with big eyes.

You pull your hand away from his and you wipe your tears before you open it after a moment of hesitation. A tear drops on the beautiful locket that you have fallen in love with a year back.

A present that would have brought you joy back then, only makes you sad now.

He could’ve seen a smile on your face. He could’ve seen happiness in your eyes. He could’ve heard you squeal in excitement.

He could’ve.

You stare at it, a minute passes and then another, you stare at it in silence.

“I-I didn’t put anything in there,” he mumbles, pointing to the locket, “I know you always wanted a picture of us in there but uh – I figured you wouldn’t want that anymore.”

You take it out of the box, the heart shaped locket is engraved with little flowers – it’s beautiful. Despite the sadness and the anger that is buried deep somewhere, you smile.

It’s something that Steve did not expect. The thought of gifting you the little piece that you have wanted for so long after he left made him anxious, it was a last minute decision – this was not the gift he wanted to give you but it’s something that he found when he took his room apart while searching for a box to put the original gift in. This is what you wanted.

You wanted it for your last birthday but instead he put a bracelet around your wrist, one that you did not wish for. You still loved it, you still smiled brightly and stared at it as though it was the prettiest thing you had ever seen.

He bought the locket three days before he left you, he intended to give it to you after Halloween but it all went wrong.

Everything went wrong after that night.

He chose her and you chose to act like he didn’t exist anymore which is something he isn’t mad at anymore, you should have done worse.

You gave him the cold shoulder, the glares, the snarky replies whenever he talked to you, whether it was about the essay you had worked on together or something else. You were mean, dismissive and cold. It went on like that for two months until that night when you had parted ways after the party at Jimmy’s place. After that you just seemed unbothered by his presence, like he didn’t matter anymore.

Now you are showing him a side that he does not deserve to see – the vulnerable, loving side that he only got when you were still his.

He hates that you think that you should have fought for him. He never deserved it. He never deserved you.

He prefers it when you hate him – he deserves that more than your love.

You are silent for the longest time, just staring at the locket in your hand and he watches you with a bitter taste on his tongue and a deep sadness in his eyes.

“Thank you, Stevie.”

It’s been a long time since you called him that.

You lift your head and turn to look at him, your eyes meet and he smiles.

“You’re welcome, y/n.”

The smile that you give him makes him realize just how much he truly misses you.

He misses the sound of your giggle, he misses the way your eyes lit up when you saw him, he misses the way you would smile into the kisses, he misses the way it feels to hold you, he misses being with you. God, he misses you.

You look down and with a heavy sigh, you push yourself up, “I-I should go inside.”

The disappointment that rushes through him is deep, he doesn’t want this to end, he doesn’t want to say goodbye again, he doesn’t want to go back to a love that is forced.

“Yeah,” he breathes, getting up as well.

For a moment, you stand in front of each other, not moving, not looking away from one another. His hands itch for your touch and you long to feel his arms around you.

Should you tell him how much you miss him?

Should you hug him?

Should you tell him how he haunts you in your memories?

His hair looks soft beneath the dim porch light, his eyes even softer as he stares at you, his lips – stop. You curse at yourself for letting your mind go there. He is not yours, he belongs to someone else.

Steve sees the way you look at him; it’s still the same.

And that little moment is enough for him to make a decision.

“Goodbye,” you whisper.

He hesitates.

Once again, he finds himself here, not wanting to say goodbye to you.

“Goodbye.”

You tear your eyes away from him, you look down and walk towards your door. You lift your hand, reaching for the doorknob when you feel his fingers closing in around your wrist.

“Hey,” he says softly.

You’re met with a smile when you look back again.

“Happy birthday, dolly.”

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you smile, “thank you.”

Last year he would have kissed you.

This year he can’t even hug you.

You turn back around and he watches you hesitate, his hand is still holding your wrist and you turn to him once again. You let go of his hand and you lift the sleeve of your sweatshirt to show him something.

The dainty pearls around your wrist make his eyes widen.

“I love the bracelet, by the way,” you say with a smile before you walk into your house, leaving him standing on your porch.

The warmth in his stomach is only there because of you, because of the love you still got for him – and even if you had no love for him anymore, he would still feel it. You could break his heart into a million pieces and Steve Harrington would still love you more than anything else in this world.

He can push you out of his life, he can try to fall in love with someone else, he can replace you with another girl but no one will ever be you.

No one will ever make him feel the things that you make him feel. No one can make his heart race the way you do. No one can make him feel so safe and loved despite the distance, no one but you.

It’s always you, it’s always been you, it’ll always be you.

There is no point to be with someone he can never love the way he loves you. There is no point in being with someone who could never love him the way you loved him.

It’s all just pointless, everything that has happened since Halloween night is pointless.

His mind is filled with thoughts, ones that keep him so distracted that he doesn’t even notice that the light in his bedroom is on. Only when he steps into his room and he notices his girlfriend sitting on his bed, does he realize that he is not alone tonight, like he wanted to be.

He instantly notices the frown on her face, the crossed arms and a look of anger in her eyes.

“Nance,” he mumbles with furrowed brows, confused by her presence.

He takes a look around his room to find it a mess, messier than it was before. Books, clothes and notes are scattered all over the carpet, an open box lying on the floor, pictures of you and him spilling out of it. Your green scrunchie from cheer practice lying on the sweater that belongs to him, one that he had put into the box because it was basically yours, it smelled like you, it probably still does.

Realization floods through him, but there is no ounce of fear inside of him. He isn’t scared of what is about to happen.

Nancy is holding one of the many notes and she looks at him in disbelief, scoffing as she holds it up for him to see.

“I’ll throw it away later, huh?” She asks, mocking him.

He doesn’t have to take a closer look to know which note it is. It’s the one she found in his car a few months ago, the one he promised to throw away.

He doesn’t know what to say so he just stands there and looks at her, trying to figure out what she is feeling right now.

She is not hurt, he knows she isn’t, just angry.

Her eyes have strayed away from him just a few weeks after he left you for her. The moment Jonathan stepped into her life, her heart was no longer his, she gave it to her supposed new friend.

He saw the stolen glances, the lingering touches. He knew about the secret meetups, he knew about what she did when they had decided on taking a break. But, he never said anything, he never did anything about it. He tolerated it because he thought that he deserved it.

She did the same thing that he did to you, just so much worse. At least, he had never slept with anyone else, he had never kissed anyone else.

Everything that she did in the course of their relationship is something that he was afraid of you doing to him. He was stupid for even thinking that. You would never do that to him.

“I wish I could say that I’m surprised,” Nancy mumbles, throwing the note on the ground, “but I’m not.”

Nancy isn’t blind and she isn’t stupid either, she always knew where his mind was at when he was with her, when he kissed her, when he touched her, when he slept with her. He was thinking about you, all the time.

When she came over tonight, she didn’t expect to walk into an empty house or the mess that he had left in his room. She waited and waited and he didn’t come so she decided to keep herself busy. She began to clean his room, she organized his desk, dusted his furniture and put away his clean sweaters into the closet when she had found that box. Normally, she wouldn’t have opened it but curiosity got the best of her and now she feels relieved that she had done it, despite the sinking feeling in her stomach.

Steve is calm, that’s something he had never been when he had gotten into fights with you.

“Are you not gonna say anything?”

Steve walks further into the room, he looks down at the things that belong to you, the things that he should’ve never put away in the first place.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Nancy.”

She tilts her head as she looks up at him, “you lied to me.”

He nods. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair.

“Yeah, I did,” he admits, “I lied to you.”

He lied when he said that he moved on from you. He lied when he told her that he loves her. He lied so many times and still, he tried to be good for her because he really wanted to try and be with her.

“Do you love her?” She asks, already knowing the answer.

Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he is done lying.

“Yes.”

Hurt flashes in her eyes and he doesn’t even understand why – he is not the one that she wants.

“Was it all just a lie then?” She asks, throwing her hands up.

He shakes his head. No. It wasn’t all a lie, only his feelings, they were a lie, his love for her, that was a lie.

He likes her, he always did. He liked spending time with her, he liked taking her out on dates, he liked studying with her and taking her to the movies afterwards but that’s all it was, he liked it.

“No.”

“God,” she breathes, “you’re so full of shit, Steve.”

Her eyes that held pain and disbelief are now filled with anger and rage.

“It wasn’t a lie?” She asks, stepping closer to him.

As he looks down at her, he notices that he isn’t scared of what she is about to say. He isn’t scared that the relationship will be ruined after what words will spill from her mouth. He isn’t scared of what he will feel once she’s gone because, even when she leaves, his heart won’t be broken.

No one can break his heart, no one but you.

“No, I really liked you, Nancy.”

She nods, her eyes widen and she purses her lips as she looks at him through her lashes- angrily.

“Liked,” she says with such distaste in her voice. She takes a look around the messy room, she takes a look at the things on the ground, your things. “This is such bullshit.”

Steve tenses up at her words, a cold shiver runs down his spine as he looks at her.

“Why did you – why did we even get together?”

He doesn’t know, he won’t be able to give her an answer, he doesn’t even have it himself.

“Why did you leave her when you clearly still loved her?” She asks, raising her voice as she begins to pace around his room, kicking away the book that once belonged to you, one that he never gave back. “Why did you lie to me and say that you didn’t love her?”

He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw.

“Why did you tell me that you love me when it was all bullshit?” Nancy asks and suddenly halts in her tracks when she realizes that she did just the same. She told him that she loved him when her heart was somewhere else. “You know what, this is all bullshit.”

“Nance,” Steve mumbles as he opens his eyes. He looks down at the ground. He can’t stand to hear these words again, it will always take him back to the night in your room, when he had almost kissed you, when he told you that he still loves you.

“No!”

She turns around to face him, she points her finger at him.

“Let’s not fight.” He raises his hands up, trying to get her to calm down. “I don’t–”

“This whole relationship was bullshit, Steve! W-We kept acting like we’re in love when we–”

“When we aren’t in love?” He asks calmly, eyeing her slumped shoulders and the defeat in her eyes when she realizes that there is no use to fight.

She doesn’t want to admit it, still worried about hurting him when she knows that no one could hurt him, no one but you. She looks at him, she takes in the sight of him. He is calm, even after what he found out a few days back.

Suddenly, Nancy feels like a hypocrite for doing this to him. For taking his room apart, for getting upset over your stuff in his closet, for confronting him like this, for yelling at him when she was the one who got caught kissing someone else – she got caught by him and unlike her, he didn’t get mad, he just accepted it and then acted like nothing happened.

Just like you always did.

“Where were you tonight?”

He doesn’t know why she is asking him that, they both know that this is the end.

“I was with y/n. Her birthday is tomorrow. We have always spent the night before together, ever since we were little kids.”

She raises her brows and nods, still feeling bitter about it, despite everything.

“And you?” He asks, tilting his head, “where have you been? I dropped by your house earlier tonight and you weren’t home. Where were you?”

Once again, she breaks eye contact, too ashamed to give him the real answer.

Steve can tell the truth now. She can’t.

But he is done with this, with everything.

He sighs and he walks closer to her.

Nancy crosses her arms over her chest, she bites down on her lip nervously.

She is struggling to tell him the truth but he wants her to know that it’s okay.

“Nancy, look at me.”

He takes her hand in his, ignoring the way it feels so wrong to hold hers after yours.

“Please.”

She looks up at him.

Blue eyes filled with guilt meet the warm hazel ones, the one filled with sadness but also with calmness.

“I know what happened with you and Jonathan, back in december,” he mumbles, trying not to roll his eyes.

“Steve..”

“It’s okay, Nance,” he whispers, squeezing her hand, “it’s okay.”

“You should be with him.”

Her brows snap together, her lips part in surprise. She blinks, staring up at him with confusion in her eyes.

“We’re not right for each other,” he whispers, “you love him and I love her – and I can’t be with her but you can be with him.”

Her eyes soften and the tension slowly leaves her body. She still feels guilty, for more than one reason.

“It’s enough if one of us is miserable,” Steve says, trying to crack a joke.

The smile on her face is forced.

“We both know that this isn’t working, Nance. We keep pretending, we keep lying to each other, we keep acting like we’re happy with each other when we’re not. This needs to stop.”

Her eyes well up with tears but she agrees with him.

“Yeah,” she whispers and slowly removes her hand from his.

“So this is it?” She asks, lifting one shoulder as she gives him a look of uncertainty.

“Yes,” he nods, “this is it.”

“Okay,” she whispers.

Both of them felt it coming. It’s been tense between them for weeks now, ever since the night you had called him.

When he and Eddie went after Ray and he walked out of the fight with injuries, with bruises on his temple and his knuckles, he had to lie to her to avoid the truth. She didn’t believe him when he said that a few guys from the basketball team had attacked him so she kept pressing him for answers, she wanted the truth, the truth that she never got.

To this day, she doesn’t know what really happened.

That put another dent into their relationship.

But her lies were so much bigger and crueler than his.

Still, he tried. He took her out on more dates than usual but both of them forced their happiness, their love and even their smiles. It was all forced.

A heavy sigh falls from her lips, she wipes away the tear that fell down her cheek.

“I-I guess I’m gonna go.”

He nods.

They both take one final look at each other. Both of them knew that this would happen but neither of them thought that it would happen this soon.

“I’ll drive you home.”

She shakes her head, “I took my mom’s car, didn’t you see it in the driveway?” She asks.

“Oh,” he scratches the back of his neck. He didn’t see it, he didn’t really notice anything, his mind was with you, “right.”

“Yeah, uh.. I guess I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, see you around.”

The moment she leaves and he hears the front door slamming, he feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders but at the same time, he feels this grief inside of him because he knows that now, he is truly all alone.

His parents are gone.

Tommy is gone.

You are gone.

And now, she is gone too and there is no one he can distract himself with anymore.

He is all on his own now.

He drops down on his bed and he looks at the mess in his room. He stares at your things. Something shiny that glistens beneath the light in his room catches his attention. He leans down to pick it up. It’s your hair pin, the one that you wore on your birthday last year.

He feels the coil in his throat, the sickening feeling when he thinks about what happened when he came back to you after he left you all alone on your birthday.

He drank at Tina’s party, he drank so much, he was miserable without you, he was angry at himself for the way he treated you, for the way he had been treating you for weeks prior to your birthday.

He didn’t party, he didn’t dance, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t even spend time with Tommy. He only drank until the bitter taste of whiskey made him feel sick and long for you. Without saying goodbye to his friends, he left and walked across town to your place.

It was 11pm by the time he got there, he sneaked into your room to find you in the same state as him. You were sitting on your floor with a half empty bottle of whiskey, you were crying and staring blankly at the TV screen.

“You gotta stop leaving your window open,” he said, startling you.

Your head snapped towards him, your glossy eyes widened and you instantly put the bottle down, you jumped up.

You stood there and stared at him with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I-I always leave it open for you,” you said with a shaky voice.

It was his fault.

He hurt you on your birthday and he came over to fix it but he only made it worse.

He kissed you. He kissed you so deeply and passionately the way he had never usually done anymore. He took your clothes off and you helped him out of his, before you both made your way over to your bed.

He kissed all over your face, he kissed your neck, your chest.

He intertwined your fingers together.

He praised you.

He told you how much he loved you.

He made love to you that night – it was soft, sweet and perfect. And he didn’t realize just how much it was hurting you that he was doing that while he was drunk, while you were both drunk. That he was showing you a vulnerable and loving side after all the alcohol he consumed. That he was giving you something that he never gave you while sober.

He gave you everything in that moment and then, he took it all away again when he pushed you off of him after you tried to lay your head on his chest. He pushed you off and he didn’t bother to look at you, he didn’t bother to look at the shocked and hurt look in your eyes when he turned his back to you.

He pushed your hand off when you tried to hug him once again.

He pushed you away twice.

“Steve,” you whispered with a shaky voice. He knew you were on the verge of tears, he knew you were about to cry.

You touched his arm, softly, carefully.

“Don’t.” Is all he said to you as he shrugged your hand off.

He heard your sniffle and the rustling of the sheets as you pulled away from him. You turned away from him too and you waited, you waited until you thought that he had fallen asleep before you broke down again that night.

You tried to be quiet but you couldn’t, you cried.

You cried and he did nothing. He just laid there, blinking away his own tears as he looked out the window, asking himself why he couldn’t just hold you. He listened to you cry and he did nothing, not even when his mind was screaming at him to just turn around and pull you into his arms.

When your sniffles died down and he was sure that you had cried yourself to sleep, he did something that he couldn’t do while you were still awake.

He turned around and he wrapped his arm around you.

“Are you ever gonna tell me where you’re taking me?”

Eddie shakes his head, flashing you a smile.

“Nope.”

You chuckle and lean back, you look out the window.

Eddie doesn’t know what day it is and you feel relieved about it. You will forever continue to be dramatic about your birthday, you like to pretend that this day doesn’t exist – which is impossible considering your family and friends know about it.

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asks, “cause I’m hungry.”

You hesitate and Eddie narrows his eyes to look at you. You lean forward, turning the volume up when your favorite Metallica song comes on. He knows what you are trying to do.

“I ate earlier.”

“Ah, what did you eat, sweetheart?”

Birthday cake. Your mom made it.

“Toast.”

“That’s all?” He gasps.

“It’s only 6 in the evening!”

“Yeah and you only had breakfast!”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“Y/n,” he sighs.

“Eddie,” you sigh, giving him a sweet smile.

A look of disapproval crosses his face, he shakes his head at you.

“I’m gonna make you dinner.”

You snort when you look out the window. You are far from the trailer park and from your house. He picked you up in the afternoon and took you to the movies the way he wanted to the night before.

He didn’t ask what you did last night and he didn’t ask where you had gotten the necklace from, the one that is now around your neck.

He knows everything without having to ask and you don’t even know that he is aware of things that you are trying to keep a secret.

When Eddie pulls up to the quarry, you look at him in confusion, “uh the quarry?” You ask, “what are we doing here?”

You’d hung out at Lovers Lake, Skull rock, Lake Jordan and even at the hidden lake in the woods but you had never come out here.

As you look around, you wonder why you haven’t been here before. It’s quiet with no people around, it’s a beautiful spot to come out here whenever you need a moment to yourself.

The sun is shining down on the blue water, it looks good enough to jump in but it’s still not warm enough to take a swim.

“Well, it’s about time we find new hangout spots!” He says with a grin. He turns off the engine and it falls silent between the two of you when the music stops playing.

“Ready to get high, sweetheart?”

You chuckle, “yes.”

He gets out of the van and you follow suit. Smoothing down your dress, you reach for your jacket before you close the door.

Eddie walks around the van, bowing down before you, he offers you his hand.

Giggling, you shake your head as you place your hand in his.

“Dork.”

He gives you a proud smirk as he pulls you closer to him, he raises your hand towards his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles.

“Your dork,” he winks.

You can’t help but laugh, unaware of the blush on your cheeks.

“Definitely a dork,” you giggle, “a cute dork.”

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “come on.”

The confused look on your face makes him smile smugly. That smile should have been enough for you to know.

You look around, there is nothing but rocks, trees and the huge lake in front of you. Not a single bench in sight, nothing to sit down on but the hard concrete floor, “are we not gonna smoke in the back of your van?” You ask, “where are we supposed to sit?”

There is an innocent look on his face but his eyes are filled with mischief.

Maybe he does know about your birthday. Maybe he is mad at you for keeping it a secret. Maybe he is gonna push you into the water for not telling him – that thought makes you want to laugh. Eddie would never do that.

“You’re not gonna push me into the water are you?” You joke.

You can’t help but smile at the sound of his laughter and at the way his eyes shine so beautifully when he looks down at you. His curls aren’t as messy as they usually are, he is wearing a new shirt and a new cologne.

It makes your stomach flip – you don’t know why.

“You smell good.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks despite the pounding in his chest.

You nod.

“New cologne?”

“Mhmm.”

“I like it.”

“You do, huh?”

“Yes,” you smile.

The look in his eyes suddenly makes you nervous, you have to look down to avoid the fluttering in your stomach.

He leads you down to the little bay, one that is surrounded by beautiful pine trees and a secret camping place. He smirks at the sight in front of him and glances down at you to see you still looking down at your shoes, just as you’re about to lift your head up, he grabs you and pulls you against him, holding both hands in front of your eyes.

“Eddie?” You ask, chuckling.

He leans his chin on your shoulder and pulls your hair back, “not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt you didn’t tell me.”

You frown, “w-what?”

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he whispers and removes his hands again to reveal his little surprise.

Your eyes widen, your jaw drops as you look around in confusion and surprise.

There is a campfire, logs surrounding it, a boombox perched on one of the tree trunks. Coolers and snacks, along with a birthday cake that Robin is holding up with a grin on her face.

Your friends are here, well, most of them.

Heather, Chrissy and Robin are standing next to each other looking at you in excitement. Gareth, Jeff and Grant are wearing party hats, the sight of them makes you giggle.

“Surprise!”

“Happy birthday!”

“Oh my god, are you kidding?” You laugh, clapping your hands together.

“Happy birthday!” Chrissy squeals, being the first to run towards you and pull you into a tight hug. “I’ve been waiting for this all day!”

You wrap your arms around her, “thank you, Chris,” you giggle, closing your eyes as you hug her back just as tight. Heather joins the two of you, hugging you from behind, she kisses your cheek.

“Happy birthday, babe,” she grins as though she hasn’t been the first to call this morning, pulling you out of your deep slumber.

“Can I join you girls?” Gareth asks, wiggling his brows at Heather who flips him off.

“No boys in a girls group hug,” Chrissy says to him.

“I can’t wait to give you my present, y/n!” Jeff grins as he is the next to hug you.

“What did you get her, Jeff?” Gareth asks, “a poster of Eddie?”

Grant bursts into laughter and so does Gareth, proud of his own joke.

Eddie rolls his eyes with a blush on his cheeks.

“C’mere, birthday girl!” Robin says to you, stealing you from Jeff, she kisses your cheek, “I can’t believe you thought that you could keep this from us!”

“I can’t believe you guys are throwing a party for me,” you say, blushing.

“That was Eddie’s idea,” she smiles, winking at you.

Huffing, you turn away from her to hide the flustered look on your face. Eddie stands there with a smile, watching you interact with your friends before your attention strays back to him and your soft eyes lock with his.

“Let’s party, guys!” Gareth claps his hands together, walking away from the group.

Grant walks over to the boom box to put on some music. Jeff gives Eddie a sheepish smile, “I’ll get the drinks.”

“I’ll help!” Heather says, following him.

That only leaves Robin and Chrissy who are still looking between you and Eddie before they look at one another. Robin smiles down at the blonde, “wanna help?” She asks, wanting to give the two of you some privacy.

Chrissy’s brows furrow, she stares up at the tall girl.

“With the drinks, I-I mean,” Robin mumbles.

“Oh!” Chrissy giggles, “yeah, let’s go.”

You and Eddie don’t notice the two blushing girls, you are too busy looking at each other.

“How did you know that it’s my birthday?”

“I asked your mom,” he responds, quirking a brow as he looks up at the sky, “like, back in december.”

Your eyes soften.

He asked your mom about your birthday?

“Eddie,” you whisper, unable to stop yourself from throwing your arms around him. You lay your head on his warm chest, “you are the sweetest.”

His chest rumbles as he laughs at your words, hugging you tightly.

“That title belongs to you.”

“You didn’t have to do all this,” you mumble into his chest, “not for me.”

Eddie frowns at your words and he squeezes your arms. There is nothing that he wouldn’t do for you.

“Sweetheart, you’re the only one I’d do this for,” he whispers before he places a kiss on the top of your head.

You lift your head up and you look into his eyes with a smile, “thank you, Eddie.”

“You’re welcome.” He tucks a loose strand behind your ear. “I got something for you.”

“More?” You ask surprised.

He chuckles, “yeah, come on,” he whispers.

You follow him without question, letting him lead you down to the water for a little more privacy.

The sound of music fills the air, drowning out the voice of the crickets and your friends chatter.

“You’re spoiling me today,” you giggle.

“Gotta spoil my best friend,” he winks at you before he takes both of your hands and turns you around so you’re both facing each other again. “I got a feeling that your friends won’t let me have a moment with you alone so,” he pauses as he lets go of one of your hands, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little bag, one that is in colorful wrapping paper, “you’re getting this now.”

“Another birthday present?”

“Of course,” he chuckles, “I’ve only been waiting for months to give it to you,” he says dramatically with an eyeroll.

“Months?” You gasp.

“Yeah, months!”

You giggle, looking down at the little present in your hands. You unwrap it quickly and eagerly.

Eddie laughs but watches you in anticipation.

You scrunch up the wrapping paper and push it into his hands, making him laugh again. He stuffs it back inside of his leather jacket.

You open the bag and gasp, “oh my god!” You squeal, jumping in excitement, “no way, Eddie!”

You reach for the ring. The skull ring that you have seen in the window at the Gothic shop that you passed by when you spent a weekend in Indianapolis, back in February.

“Where’s the other one?” You ask, knowing that it’s a set.

He grins at you, motioning you to put the ring on your finger before he picks the matching one out of his pocket, showing it to you. “I’ve been waiting to finally wear it!”

“Put it on!”

He chuckles at your excitement, unable to fight the grin off of his face, he puts the ring on his finger and holds his hand out to you.

“We’re matching!” You smile as you eye the ring on yours and his finger, “I love it so much, Eddie!”

“That makes me happy, sweetheart.”

He might not be able to give you expensive lockets or bracelets but, he still gets to make you smile and that is enough, for now.

You cup his cheeks and stand on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on his cheek.

His cheeks heat up at the feeling of your lips on his skin.

“Thank you,” you whisper again.

He can’t help but place a kiss on your cheek as well, making you giggle again. Neither of you notice the flash of the camera going off.

You are happy, you are smiling and this is all he wanted to see. He wanted to see you happy, especially tonight. After all your horrible birthdays, he wanted to give you one that you can look back on and smile instead of thinking of it with a heavy feeling in your chest.

So he tries to make it as memorable as possible so it may be able to put a shadow over all the bad ones that you have had.

And the night is perfect, this birthday is perfect.

You laugh with your friends, you share a joint and you get tipsy from all the mixed drinks. You make s’mores and listen to your favorite songs.

You unwrap the presents your friends had gotten you – including Dustin’s present who wasn’t allowed to this party. He of course got you a Hellfire shirt, the very persistent boy has been trying to get you to join their club for months now.

And when it’s time for your cake, you can’t help but giggle when the guys sing out of chorus.

“Who made this cake?” You ask after blowing out the candles.

“Uh, the store!” Robin says, sheepishly as she gives you a crooked grin.

“I tried baking one myself,” Eddie says next to you, “I almost ended up without a home.”

“Wait what?” You ask, laughing but holding your hand to your chest, giving him a pout. He even tried to bake a cake for you.

“I’m surprised you had a fire extinguisher at your place,” Robin jokes.

Eddie clutches his chest, giving her a glare, “I’m insulted, Buckley.”

“You could live with me,” you giggle, leaning your head on his shoulder.

He looks down at you with a smile while everyone else shares a look.

Chrissy, who has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, looks at Robin, who sits back down next to Gareth. Feeling eyes on her, she lifts her head to catch the pretty cheerleader staring at her.

It’s dark out and the only light surrounding the group is the campfire. That is enough to make the red cheeks very visible, on both girls.

Jeff glances at the matching rings on yours and Eddie’s hands.

“Nice rings, why didn’t you invite us to the wedding?” He asks, wiggling his brows at the two of you.

“Did the invitation get lost in the mail?” Eddie chuckles, “sorry about that.”

Gareth gasps, clutching his beer tightly to his chest, “you’re not pregnant with a Munson baby, are you y/n?” He smirks.

You put your hand on your stomach, “oh yes, I’m having quadruplets!”

“Oh my god, y/n!” Heather snorts, “stop joking about it or you’re actually getting them someday!”

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “yeah so? We’re having our own band, the new Corroded Coffin.”

“No!” Grant almost yells.

You and Eddie laugh at his sudden outburst.

Chrissy and Robin fade out the conversation around them, their eyes are locked and the only sounds they hear is the crackling of the fire and their pounding hearts.

As they are unable to keep their eyes off of each other, you and Eddie are unable to move away from one another.

He puts a blanket around you when the night gets colder and you still scoot closer to him, reaching for his hand in search of more warmth and when he kisses the top of your head, a new pair of eyes catches sight of you with him.

Steve didn’t plan to show up at your party.

Despite how well things had gone between the two of you the night before, he still didn’t want to intrude, knowing that he isn’t welcome here.

But he wanted to see you, even if just from afar, he wanted to see you and make sure that you are having a nice time, that you are having a better birthday, a better night than you have had in the year before.

So, he showed up at your party.

But he did not expect to see you in Eddie’s arms – not like this.

He sees you smile and even though it breaks his heart to see you with him, he can walk away with a calm feeling in his chest because he gets to know that this night won't end for you in tears this time.

But for him, it does.

next chapter

tagging friends & mutuals!

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @screammunson @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfiregirlxx @nemesis729 @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington angst #steve harrington imagine #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #stranger things angst

988 notes · View notes

kooksbunnnn · 8 months ago

Text

Lost cause? 4: Can my happiness ever last?

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, makeout and kissing mentions, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word counts: 10.1k approx

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you.

Authors note: Hello, my lovely readers, or should I call you all my bunnnnys? It sounds cute to me hehe, its a cute little name for my kooksbunnnn family, the readers who wait for me, love me, and read the stories I write. Thank you for waiting so patiently, ily guys. Here's chapter 4, I got a little carried away with words, hence the 10k 👉👈 sorry for the long wait once again, enjoy the chapter now. Bye-bye!

Previous chapter

___________________________________________

Seriously breathe louder Ross

You giggle watching an Instagram reel of a scene from friends where a pregnant Rachel snaps at Ross, who was just standing as you put another grape into your mouth from the container Jungkook packed for you with washed grapes.

As you scroll through the comments on the mentioned reel, you can't help but read some of the comments,

Comment: Rachel has such pretty hair.

True. You always wanted to try her hairstyles.

Comment: people should appreciate how the writers gave every female character a different kind of motherhood and different experiences, and it’s beautiful how they portrayed every feeling. Also, I can't imagine how one of them had a miscarriage in real.

Miscarriage. This word itself makes your body shiver with fear, and you immediately feel your throat get heavy. You shake your head at this and scroll further, not wanting to cry for the 6th time on the same day.

Comment: Being pregnant is a magical experience, sure, but it's a whole ass rollercoaster of emotions, and you won't be ready for the amount of mood swings that come with it.

Yea, No shit.

Comment: I love how Rachel had a character development nobody ever expected.

Mhm. True.

Comment: Can’t believe how they ended up together even after Ross cheated on her.

That got personal, guess it was time to delete Instagram.

Month 6 and a half, day 188 since that night and you’re surprisingly alive. The night your heart got broken and you didn't think you would make it through 2 months of life.

More like, you didn't think you could make it alone, without Jungkook. Technically? Yes, you couldn't live without seeing him or hearing him for the start of your pregnancy and now he is always around you.

Always around. Helping you sit, eat, drink, lie, puke, pee, and all this while being at his respectable distance from you.

“Cut yourself some slack, you're growing someone inside you. It's okay to be dependent while you're going through so much..” that's what your mom said when you asked her about your future and if it was a mistake going through with this.

Looking back to her advice from weeks ago you feel like you are being a little hard on yourself. Therapy. Sonograms. Lamaze classes, doctor appointments, morning-afternoon-evening sickness, hormones, mood swings, and whatnot. You feel excited for your baby to come into the world but would it be wrong if you said you were scared?

When you asked these questions to the people around you these were the answers:

Mom: “Yes honey, of course, it’s okay to be scared. Your life will change, and sometimes you feel like you won't know what you’re doing, but trust me having kids is a tiring but very beautiful experience.”

Dad: “Sweetie, it's completely normal. Your mom used to freak out a lot as well when she had you. We’re here for you, it's all gonna be okay.

Namjoon’s wife, Binna: “I have seen my sister go through it and I am gonna be honest, it is difficult and the delivery is gonna be tough but the results make it all worth it. I am so excited to start my family one day, too!”

Jin’s wife: “It's a little nerve-wracking, to be honest, but it's the best thing Y/N, trust me I have never cried harder than when I saw that my test results were not accurate, I was heartbroken. Trust me, this is the best thing that would happen to you.”

Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin in different words but similar contexts: “I don't know much about how you're feeling right now so I can't say I understand but trust me, I’ll be by your side and our dumb little brother’s side always. We’re a family, Y/N.”

Hobi and Taehyung came together while you and Jungkook were having dinner: We have seen our sisters and relatives go through pregnancy, and it honestly looks so overwhelming. We respect women more every day. We’re here always, just one call away.” They had said with smiles on their faces.

Yoongi: “I am not good with words or comforting people, Y/N, but I just wanna assure you that I am always here. All of us will be there for you both. It's not gonna be easy for you, mentally or body-wise, but never feel alone. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what.” He said, patting you like you were a kid while Jungkook sniffled sitting by your side in your sitting area.

The most common advice everyone gave was: Be easy with yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’re going through a lot.

And it was true. You and Jungkook have been working on your relationship’s progress ever since your first session, and somehow it was going pretty well. You had dinner together and he made sure he attended the sonography sessions and therapy sessions with you.

You had regular sessions together and Ms. Shin recommended you both try talking about the future ahead. No definite planning, just talking about the options.

Wall paints, cradles, toys, shopping, diaper brands, baby food, everything you could see in the future around your baby. Since the biggest reason for fixing your relationship was because of your baby, you needed to familiarize yourself sitting around talking about the little person gluing you both together.

So you both decided to have dinner together daily and decided to make a pre-baby diary while eating. Yes, it was Jungkook’s idea. It's been 8 days since the last therapy session and you have already listed the paint options for the baby’s room, went maternity clothes shopping with your husband and browsed some cradle options.

All was well, right?

On the outside, yes. In your ovaries? No.

The lingering attraction you so badly tried to avoid for the past week is still lingering in the air around you. You roll your eyes as you feel embarrassment creep up your neck at how dumb you have been behaving around your husband.

You feel emotional, horny and everything at once. Absolutely mental.

♡♡♡

“I don't think I am normal anymore.”

The therapist watches you utter the sentence with a manic like chuckle. She must be thinking you're insane. You notice how her hand freezes for a mini second and then continues to pass you the glass filled with water.

“My question, however, Mrs Jeon, was how did your weekend shopping go, but you can still go on. Why would you think such a thought?” Your therapist calmly asks you after waiting for your response to her earlier question for a good minute.

You finally take the glass of water in her hand stretched towards you after muttering a low ‘thankyou’.

After what happened with you and Jungkook and his damn damp hair, you were freaking out. One moment you were feeling like you could cry out of embarrassment but the next moment you wanted to make out with him in the kitchen while he wore his white dress shirt and those grey joggers you always loved.

Okay. You know this is weird, hence the embarrassment. Duh?! Earlier you weren't able to control the urges you felt, the mood swings, the craving, and now?! This fucking arousal.

You made an appointment with your doctor as soon as you woke up the following morning, hoping she would prescribe some pills or any kind of medications to reduce the arousal you felt but it didn’t help you much because there was no way of completely avoiding that.

The doctor didn’t suggest you take the pills that might’ve helped you because you already had a lot of mood swings and anxiety episodes, those pills could’ve worsened them. She makes sense, a lot of sense but only when you thought about it with a cool head.

But at that moment, while she was telling you all that? It's just safe to say you can grit your anger in between your teeth.

Now you were sitting in front of your therapist hoping she would help you reverse the psychology or something which would help you not feel horny for your husband.

‘Your husband who betrayed you and was now trying to make up for what he did which you were okay with and hoping for everything to be better one fucking day ago but now you feel like you wanna kiss him so badly it makes you dizzy’

It was like a mantra, hecheatedhecheatedhecheated, so that you don't pull him in to kiss the shit out of his cute little face.

When you say the same things you thought, your therapist nodded her head noting something down in her notepad. Maybe she thought you were mental.

“Mrs Jeon, I would suggest you control your sexual urges towards your husband by trying to remove yourself from the room he’s in. Considering he doesn’t sleep with you, but if he does-“ but you cut her sentence in the middle by whispering quickly in his defense.

“No-no he doesn't, he sleeps outside in the lobby.” You shake your head not making eye contact, feeling somehow guilty of your husband's daily discomfort.

“And it's completely okay, Mrs. Jeon, to have your space and have some distance. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

Damn, she is good. You need to give her great ratings. You look up at her and watch as she nods her head with a small smile making you feel at ease.

“Did you talk about this issue with Mr. Jeon?” She asks you, and you shake your head slightly. Why do you feel guilty, and what do you feel guilty of most importantly? Nodding to your reaction, she says, “Would you like to discuss why?”

“Would that even change anything?” You say with a huff a second after she finishes her sentence, frustration evident on your face.

Shrugging she says, “It might make things clearer..” her eyes slowly crinkled due to her hair falling in her eyes. Flicking it away she looks at you slightly tilting her head. “Isn't this what you chose, Mrs Jeon? Being honest is what your relationship needs at this point, isn’t it?

Sighing you realize how you might be running away from things, after all, you chose this journey. You both did and somehow you feel you might be turning into an obstacle towards a better family life, yourself.

Turning your head towards the plant in the room’s corner, you speak with a distant voice, “I don't know, All that I have gathered from the problems I have had in my life is that I could win any kind of battle if it were against my mind but if it's my heart I am fighting against? It's a fucking lost cause.”

“What do you think is the reason you would be fighting your heart, Mrs jeon?”

You scoff whipping your head towards her, eyes glistening. Digging your nails before saying what you feel just on the tip of your tongue,

“I love him.”

There's a pause, followed by your therapist humming.

“I love him so much I wanna forgive him and try to make things better but..”

“But..?”

Another pause. A suffocating one.

“I can't seem to do that to myself or my kid. What kind of an example would I be if I give in to something that's not right?!” After you notice how your expressions change into a frustrated scowl in the tiny mirror behind your therapist's head you feel your tears start to fall off.

“I am sorry.” You say sniffling and somehow embarrassed of your feelings taking over you.

“It's okay, Mrs. Jeon, here..” she offered you the tissue kept on her desk, and you wiped your tears chuckling at your situation.

How did your life get to where it was? You have no absolute fucking clue.

♡♡♡

You wince minutely when you reminisce how your last session went with Ms. Shin.

One moment you were crying because you can't forget the night he told you that he cheated on you and one moment you cried because you wanna hug him and then cry into his chest about how your hormones wanted you to kiss him but you can't because then you would cry about how you shouldn't be feeling like this about someone who betrayed you, then again you cry because you can't forget how he betrayed you.

It's like a frustrating cycle. A cycle you wanna throw off of a freaking dam to let it drown and maybe rust when the water starts to break the metal. Maybe that would help break it because there was no way in hell you could succeed in breaking it.

Not to mention how you have to pee every minute of the day and then crave pickles with some honey on them while sitting on the toilet seat.

Sounds tasty, right? Yeah, you shake your head in a quick no too as soon as you step outside and think how pickles would rather taste better with peanut butter on it.

As you deal with your tears and the spasmodic hand stomping on the pillow or table around you to let go of the kissy-kissy thoughts in your head, your husband stays clueless.

Not clueless about the hormones, na-ah.

Just the fact that you stare at him before you slap your hand on the table, or thump down the cup on the table too harshly for anyone to not notice. He tried to ask you if you felt okay. But ended up getting yelled at for not leaving you alone.

You once yelled at him for leaving the windows open which you asked to be left open, saying he should’ve known better when to close them.

This looks cute in shows and movies of how cute the mother-to-be looks yelling at a clueless husband but you on the other hand feel bad for making him feel actually at fault when he has been trying his best to make you feel comfortable.

What does he do after getting yelled at? He apologizes, does what you asked or yelled at him to do, and leaves. He still comes back and eats the dinner your mother made with you and your dad helping her out.

You feel terrible for how you are behaving around him, the worst part being that he takes everything you do and say to him without even reacting ever so slightly. You tried living life with him normally but you can’t forget the thought that lingers in the back of your head; that the favorite part of living your life with him was the affection, the touches.

It's frustrating to say the least that you haven't even hugged him in the last few months, you know that there is a reason behind the distance but since your mind tells you to create boundaries and try things again, your heart doesn’t understand how someone could try to make things better from a distance. Especially you and Jungkook.

He did everything according to how you needed without you telling him. Your childhood therapist once told you no matter how perfect a person tried to be there are certain situations where you can’t control the things the universe decides for you. She said that when you were having trouble accepting that you were the reason one of your ex-best friends changed schools, stating that you made her feel insecure. You had no idea.

So you accepted your fate, then and now as well. Doing things as they go in the flow. You had a discussion with your parents about how you are supposed to be having dinner with Jungkook as advised by your therapist so your mom and dad eat their dinner by 7 o’clock as advised by their doctors while you accompany them by having your soup or tea.

They thought it was a good idea so you agreed to do it.

By 9 o’clock or quarter to 9 Jungkook enters and you have your dinner and the discussion you are supposed to have about the baby.

It has been 15 minutes since your mom and dad went to their room after insisting on sitting with you while you wait for Jungkook to be back. You have your phone in your hand which starts to buzz with Jungkook’s name on the screen with the bunny emoji.

Picking up with a smile you answer to his voice.

God, you missed him.

Yep, you said it.

Picking up he seems like he is on the way and is trying to get his phone back from someone. “Hyung give me my phone back, hold his hands Yoongi hyung, hey-!” yes he was snatching his phone back.

You can hear a bunch of yelling noises in the background and you recognize the screaming voice immediately, Jimin. You shake your head at the chaos and smile putting a grape in your mouth.

“Hey, Y/N I am sorry I am a little late, I just wanted to ask if it's okay with me to bring Jimin and Yoongi Hyung over to your parent's house we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“Yeah, of course, kook, it's okay. Is everything okay though?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“What did you call me?”

Your eyes widen at how you didn't even realize how normal this felt to you. You haven't called him Kook ever since you cried in his car after your first therapy session, always walking on eggshells.

“Y/N?”

Courage. Squeezing your fist and eyes shut you say,

“I called you k-kook. Is that not okay?”

Your leg starts to shake not knowing what to say next.

“No! Fuck, I mean it's more than okay. You know what? Let's not talk about it I don't wanna jinx it.” You can hear him smile and you can't help but widen your smile. It has been so long since you smiled this wide and you somehow feel better.

You repeat the words in your head, Don't feel guilty Y/N, go with it. Go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot, be easy on yourself.

You smile and hear him chuckle before-

“Oh, no hyung not in my car ugh, we’ll be there in 5 minutes Y/N, I’ll reheat the food when I get there don't worry. Yoongi Hyung push his head out the window please-” And he hangs up.

Smiling at the chaotic phone call, you get up to check on your mom and dad if they are still up, wanting to tell them about the guests coming over. But since they were soundly asleep with the nightlights on, you switch them off, regulate the fan's speed, and take the phone from your sleeping-snoring mom’s hand plugging it to the charger and checking if they had water around them.

After checking up on your parents you close the door to their room and walk towards the kitchen to drink some water. Even the small activities could make a pregnant lady tired and the jug in your room was empty so you walked slowly towards the fridge. The pain getting better but still evident in your lower back which makes you put a hand on your back while you open the refrigerator.

Suddenly you spot a Harley bike model Jungkook gifted your father when he came home to meet your parents for the first time. Your father was really happy seeing the model, him being a Harley fan. If age didn't play a role in life your father would've still been traveling with your mom like those couples you saw in uni.

You remember how you and Jungkook loved to travel on his bike, you holding onto him as if your life depended on it, hair flowing from under the helmet and him accelerating the bike through the streets, hills, and empty roads leading to the cabin the whole group planned to visit during his and Namjoon’s collective birthday celebration.

Damn, you were so in love. Still are, and will probably always be.

The group has always been there for you, they're like the family you never knew you needed until they came into your life. The chaos was a part of your life, the screams, the teasing, the weekend game nights, the celebrations, movie nights which turned into everybody and their girlfriends crashing in the lobby on the mattresses Jungkook bought for the night stays.

You remember what the situation was when you met him for the first time six years ago.

♡♡♡

“Damnit Tae, jump outta here.” You argue with Taehyung as the three of you look out the window of your room.

“Fuck no. Are you mental? I’ll die if I jump out of here.” Taehyung says whisper yelling at your roommate, Aera, who rolls her eyes at her dramatic “friend” panicking with wide eyes.

“No, you won't, don’t be dramatic.” You scoff as you push him slightly in the windows direction.

“It's a whole ass floor Y/N, the fuck is wrong with you?” He scowls at you as he regains balance panicking.

“Maybe we should call Jungkook.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook with that loud-ass bike? Nice. Sneaking a boy out of our room with the help of another boy. Fan-fucking-tastic, Taehyung.” You clap two times with a straight face.

“Guys,” your friend giggles as she tries to focus on the main topic in the room, while Taehyung goes back to sit on your roommate’s bed.

“I think he is right, Y/N, we could at least get help from JK.”

“Mhm, help in getting kicked out.” You mumble not so quietly earning yourself a middle finger from Taehyung and an eyeroll from Aera.

“Fine, do whatever you want.” You say rolling your eyes.

The thing was you were only partly nervous because of your forced eviction but also because you had never met Jungkook, the campus crush. More like the crush of every girl who saw him on his bike. You were not one of them, at least you wouldn't admit that but you wouldn't deny that he was a pretty face to look at and a very hot piece of ass to stare at. The proportions of that man were totally insane.

Tiny waist, big- biteable chest, broad shoulders, thick thighs, luscious hair locks, biceps people could hang on, the all-black outfit, and the very contrasting facial features. If he wore a helmet people wouldn't imagine how the guy had big doe boba eyes and a cute mole under his lips, skin better than half of the girls who spent so much on products. He always had that glint in his eyes making him seem so innocent, innocent but with a physique that can crush people.

You never talked to him so you don't know how he sounds or if he is a rude person. You just know he is Taehyung’s friend whom he hangs out with around the campus.

While you thought about how Jungkook might or might not be your crush, Taehyung called him and you all got up to sneak him out of the house.

“Wait you don't need to come if you don't want to Y/N,” Aera said after looking around the hallways and telling Taehyung to tiptoe downstairs since her aunt’s room was on the same floor as yours.

“H-Huh? N-no I wanna go as well. So that if she wakes up I can tell her we both went out to get some fresh air while the guys ran away y-you know? “

You said. Terrible at lying. You wanted to see the man coming to save his friend.

Your friend was in a hurry sneaking her fuck buddy out so she didn't pay attention to what you said and how you said it. A total stuttering mess.

Walking out of the house you never imagined him to be so..so..so tasty. Thats the only words that come to your mind. He parked his bike at a safe distance because of how much noise it made and approached you guys.

The image in your hand was like the 480p version of how beautiful and ethereal he was but in reality, he had tattoos. Tattoos! Not even a small one, a whole arm that stretched inside his white sleeveless tee.

You thanked the cloth gods for making this particular article of clothing because you needed to see how hot men you would want to eat up looked in it.

“Told you, you would need my help.” He smirks as Taehyung walks past him only turning around to come back and give Aera a quick kiss and then running away again, making her blush.

“Run dumbass, their landlord would skewer us on her cane,” Taehyung says and you chuckle at how exaggerated he made Aera’s aunt sound. At your chuckle, Jungkook looks at you and you pause mid-laugh when you notice him looking at you.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He extends his hand towards you and you blush not knowing how to respond to his raspy voice.

“Yeah, I know you.” You say staring at him with heat on your cheeks and immediately kick yourself mentally.

You sound like a fucking creep. I know you? seriously?

He smiles, “..and you are..?

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I’m Y/N, Hi heh.” You extend your hand to shake his and he whispers your name under his breath eyes still looking into yours.

“Hi Y/N, you’re very pretty.” While he rubs his thumb on your already heating skin making it burst into flames as he rubs it again.

“Kook!” Taehyung yells and you break the eye contact, taking your hand back.

“It's okay don't be sorry, I didn't find you rude rather, I found you cute.” He says as you look at him again. You think it was an imagination of your beauty-struck head or maybe it was due to dark but..did he just check you out?

You give him a confused look at what he said, making him chuckle. He sounds so deliciously hot and raspy. God.

“That you know who I am, considering how you’re always in the art studio. I found it cute.” He says with a smile leaning slightly towards your face and you lean back at the same time he leans in. He stays towering over you and maybe notices your expressions. You just hope he didn't notice how red your cheeks might be.

Does he know about the art studio? Only people close to you knew about it.

Seeing your wide eyes, he straightens up to his original height and chuckles. He sounds so good, it reaches inside you and you knew that you were fucked.

“Kook?” You didn't even notice when Taehyung came back to drag his friend back. Slapping his shoulder and then sprinting towards the bike again.

“Kook, let's go. She switched on some kind of light in her room oh god. She’ll beat your and my asses collectively.” Taehyung yells waving his friends over.

“Hey we’re gonna be in the beat party as well, Y/N lets go,” Aera speaks from the driveway of her aunt's house, slowly retrieving her steps.

But you were stuck. Stuck on how his bunny teeth played with the piercing on his lips. Not being able to bear eye contact with him, you flicked your eyes away.

When Taehyung yelled again from a distance, Jungkook responded with a ‘yea yea coming’ while stepping backward with his white sleeveless tee sticking to his body.

Generally, you didn't like summers but you were so glad it was hot enough that he decided to wear a sleeveless outfit, for you to ogle his tattoos.

Taehyung and Aera were already away from the both of you, Taehyung at a safer distance from the house and Aera still waiting for you at the house hoping her aunt just woke up for her nightly washroom trips and didn't see you guys with these beautiful men.

With a smile on his face, he stepped back facing you. Clicking his tongue twice to get your attention, you looked at him to immediately regret locking eyes with him. He winked at you and said, “See you around, sweetheart.”

You swear you saw his eyes flitting to your lips and then to your skirt that was flowing with the slight wind in the surroundings before he turned around and ran towards his panicking friend.

You knew he was casually flirting and was out of your league. And since you didn't believe your luck would suddenly turn out to be on your side you didn't think of his wink as something more than something casual.

But goddamnit, the crush you never admitted to, was finally admitted in your heart.

♡♡♡

You smile as you pick the model in your hand at the fond memories of how you tried so hard to remain just friends with the guy even though he hung out with you daily, accompanied you in your art studio confirming he knew about you before meeting you. You never knew your friendship could be more than what it was but maybe growing up and getting jobs made you want to prioritize yourself and your wants, so you decided to tell him how you felt but he beat you to it three days before you planned on confessing.

“Sorry sweetheart, wanted to kiss you as my girlfriend on Valentine's Day without the fear of rejection in the back of my brain.” That's what he said before he kissed the living daylights out of you on the gazebo at your favorite park.

You smile remembering how he took you to the park saying the cherry blossoms were blooming early that year, you believed him nodding with excitement and you went along with him running and holding hands. Reaching there you were sad that no blossoms were blooming but then he gave you the promise ring he ordered from the vintage store you loved so much. You knew it cost him a lot but when you asked him about it he just chuckled deeply avoiding that question and before you could pick that topic again he kneeled on one knee and asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

You smile at the memories and keep the bike model back on the shelf, the flashback coming to a halt as you come back to the living room when your phone buzzes with your husband's name on it.

He didn't ring the doorbell nowadays to be cautious in case your parents were asleep. So you went to the door and opened it already expecting Jimin leaning on Jungkook’s shoulders while Yoongi just snickered at his younger brother, seeming unconscious but Jimin was very much awake, also very very drunk as he clung to Yoongi telling him everything was going to be okay. Jungkook held three bags as he gave you a sheepish smile at his Hyungs’ behavior.

“Yes, Yes, Jimin. It's gonna be okay.” Yoongi held Jimin very firmly while giving you a small smile before asking where to put him so that he could blubber nonsense somewhere your neighbors wouldn't hear.

Jungkook chuckles and leads them to the guest room while muttering a ‘hi’, looking at you from head to toe as if checking if you had any injuries.

“Hi,” you whisper, enough for him to catch your voice.

“How was your day?” You ask trying to take the bags from his hand but he tilts his body giving you a look that says ‘Really?’.

Sighing with a smile, you close the door and follow him inside.

“It was good- Oh shit the guest room door is locked. Wait hyung let me get the key” he put the bags on the counter while a grunting Yoongi held a wobbly Jimin in his hands.

“Wow realized it so soon,” Yoongi says sarcastically l as Jimin looks at you with a smile on his face. Gasping dramatically, he removes himself from his brother's shoulders and comes towards you, slightly tilted, but he somehow reaches you.

“I can see your baby.” Your eyes widen at what he said and you scoff a laugh as Jimin kneels down in front of your belly.

“He means you’re showing, and he is noticing that now, only, he sounds creepy as fuck.” Yoongi walks back to the sofa and sits down with a long sigh.

“May I please?” He says as hovers his hands over your belly with big puppy eyes and you chuckle at how patiently he wants you to answer.

“Yes, Jimin you may.” You say with a laugh and he whispers to your tummy hovering his hand above it like it's a crystal ball.

“Hi tiny person, I am Jimin, your godfather..” he giggles at the end of his sentence while you hear Yoongi chuckle from the couch.

“The fuck? When did we decide that hyung?” Jungkook stands next to you with keys hanging from his fingers, narrowed gaze focused on his elder brother.

“Shhhhhh” Jimin shushes Jungkook loudly almost spitting on your belly. You laugh as he looks pointedly at Jungkook.

“You don’t get to decide that. Dumbass.” Jimin slurs out and tries to get up grabbing the trousers Jungkook wore, almost making him fall over with his weight.

“Hyung, fuck you’re heavy when drunk.”

“I fucking know right? I don’t know how that happens..” Yoongi mumbles typing something on his phone, stretching his neck sideways to pop the strained muscle.

Jungkook stumbles while you also try to help him balance Jimin by bending slightly to keep a hand on his shoulders, but then you remove it as Jungkook whispers ‘I got him I got him’ assuringly not wanting you to take any strain.

Smiling to yourself you walk over to the couch adjacent to where Yoongi was sitting, asking if he needed water or anything like that.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks.” He waves his hand as he keeps his phone aside watching how Jungkook manages to drag Jimin back.

“...You’ll look good in a tutu as well..” Jimin says to Jungkook poking a finger to his sides continuously. “You know a white one with stars on it, I’ll gift it to the baby so that you can match your outfits then” Jungkook rolls his eyes in annoyance as Jimin’s voice fades into the guest room Jungkook opens for him to sleep in.

“Let me go check up on him yeah?” Yoongi says softly getting up from the couch, picking up a banana on the way to the guest room. Raising one of his brows and the fruit in the air as if asking for permission to eat it. You tilt your head with narrowed eyes passing on the message, ‘You have to ask?’

He smiles slightly shrugging and heads towards the guest room while pealing the banana.

“Jungkook, is he under control now or still wobbly- oh, fuck no-“ Yoongi asks from outside of the room but then pauses in his tracks as you hear Jungkook whine slightly out of disgust and you immediately get up feeling a slight ache in your lower back due to the hurry.

“Is everything okay?” You ask concern evident in your eyes.

Yoongi chuckles and moves away from the door, shaking his head. “Not gonna eat this now, sorry, Y/N.” He says, still laughing.

“Oh no did he-“Before you could say something Jungkook stomps his way out of the guest room and you immediately feel nausea entering you seeing your husband's sleeve covered in vomit.

“Hyung could you please help me heat the food? I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry hyungie just please-“ he continues walking towards the common bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Sure” Yoongi chuckles moving towards the fridge.

“I’ll help you..” you take a step towards the crockery cupboard.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it, you sit.” He says pausing you midway.

“No Yoongi lemme help..” you say but he just points the small spoon towards the island chair.

“It's okay Y/N I’ll do it.” He says nodding while opening the Tupperware filled with the various side dishes and the tofu-miso stew.

“I just don't wanna trouble you Yoongi, thanks though.” You say giving up on offering help as he heats the food one by one in the microwave.

“Oh it's not for free, I am taking the godfather’s title in exchange for this.” He smirks glancing at the room Jimin slept in.

“Yeah okay, try beating Jimin for the title. You chuckle looking in the same direction for a second and then at the man heating up the food. While he just gives you a small laugh while warming up the rice in the cooker, mumbling, “We’ll see who wins.”

You smile and pat your feet on the ground in a rhythm as Yoongi places the food on the kitchen island. You feel guilty for making him do this but he has already rejected your help three times so there was no point in arguing over it.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers looking at a plate in his hand.

“Yea?”

“I know it's none of my business and I should not even say something about this but can I just say it's really nice that you’re trying again?” He says lifting his head to look at your reaction to what he said.

You feel yourself freeze, this is the first time you had a conversation about your situation with Jungkook, the cheating, and the decision to try again. You sure talked about the pregnancy and yes there was always that lingering awkwardness in the air but this was new.

“Yea..” you sigh looking at your lap for a second and then lifting your head to give him a soft smile.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to get a chance to revive their relationship.” He says still looking at the plate while tracing the pattern on it with his index finger.

You know that his relationship ended badly, you knew how much he loved his girlfriend, you know he acts like it's okay but his dark circles tell another story, you know he looks thin and exhausted all the time but acts like it's nothing.

You know it's not nothing.

“Yoongi, I am sorry about-“But before you could finish your sentence he laughs almost in pain.

“It's okay Y/N, it's done, she is gone. She is happy without me and I can't change that.” He says and you feel your heart break at how small he sounds.

“It sucks but it's true.” He says softly, half to you half to himself, still trying to process his grief over the relationship he lost. After an uncomfortable pause, he continues.

“I saw him Y/N,” he points his chin in the direction of the washroom Jungkook was taking a shower in when you look at him confused at the change of topic.

“..and don't think I am taking his side 'cause he is like a brother to me but I say this honestly, he was devastated while he was away from you.” You just stare at him with eyes round and wide not expecting this conversation to go this way.

“He forgot to eat and sleep, just kept asking Jin Hyung and me if we saw you or if any other of guys saw you.” He says while you look at him nervously talking about the topic, picking his nails.

“Do you remember the time you were at the hospital due to your abdominal pain?” You nod at his question feeling your throat tighten up uncomfortably so you divert your gaze down at the plate with little blue flowers printed on the ceramic.

“He ran to the hospital since his car was still parked at your previous address.” Your eyes widen and you whip your head toward the man standing in front of you.

What does he mean he ran?

“What?” You whisper.

“Taehyung had a night shift and he was alone at the apartment. I tried to tell him to wait for me to pick him up when he called to ask if Taehyung left office or not, but he just hung up saying it would take too long.”

“So he ran to you.” You feel your throat tighten as humanly possible, eyes burning.

Wasn’t Taehyung’s house almost double times the way compared to your route connecting your house to the hospital? You can't even comprehend how he felt when you didn't even talk to him that day.

Shouldn’t you feel like he deserved to feel like that? Shouldn't you say that he did that to himself? That was what you should've said right? But your heart thumps harder every second making your eyes spill the tears gathering in them.

You remember Jungkook was really out of breath and was also wearing different slippers that day.

“Since it was pretty late, he couldn't even book a cab quickly..” Yoongi looks at you and notices how your gaze is zeroed onto him and immediately understands your expressions.

“Hey, I am not trying to make you feel bad or something like that, what he did and what you guys decided is totally none of my business but I just wanted to tell you that giving a second chance is not easy and I really wish things work out for your relationship. I really appreciate you both working through so much stress you know? I can see what his vision meant when he wanted to quit last month.”

“What?” You whisper

“No no, he doesn't want to quit now, I mean after what you both decided Namjoon talked to Mr. Park and handled it..” when Yoongi doesn’t see you respond to whatever he said he realizes that you look lost.

“You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” You whisper again, heart racing. Why do you feel you're not gonna like what he is gonna say?

There is a pause, a very uncomfortable pause. He visibly scans your face and inhales sharply as if deciding against or in favor of telling you about the whole situation.

You clench your pajama pants into your fists as your hand rests on your lap. The kitchen felt stuffy all of a sudden. This might seem like an overreaction but your body feels defensive all of a sudden, deciding between running away or ripping the bandaid off.

Deciding on the latter you ask,

“Yoongi, please tell me?” You request softly and at your almost inaudible request, Yoongi sighs, giving up. He shuts his eyes for a second and then looks up smiling sadly at you.

You hold your breath.

“Um, he was promoted to be the next VP of the agency, and uh..” he rubs the back of his neck looking away, avoiding the eye contact with you.

“And he rejected it?” You whisper and Yoongi nods, still not looking at you.

“The job required him to give more time into his job, more hours away from home. From you and her.” He looks at you and then points his chin in your tummy’s direction.

“So when they told him the details about the hours and the business trips, he immediately refused. Since he was the most eligible person for the job, the CEO, Mr Park..” he says,

“Mr. Park.” You say at the same time nodding.

“Yes, Mr. Park tried convincing him saying he’ll adjust according to your due date and whatever changes Kook would want to his schedule but this kid..” Yoongi chuckles shaking his head, “..rejected it, saying if he had to quit the job he would do it but he would not add onto whatever hours he was working.”

“Then suddenly..” Yoongi picks up a tangerine from the fruit bowl and starts peeling it.

“He came up with an idea of actually quitting in order to give more time to you and your child, so when Namjoon said and I quote, ‘Y/N is gonna kill you if you do that, she knows how much you worked for this’ Jungkook said that you both decided mutually that rejecting the promotion was okay and you were okay with whatever he decided about his job. Which…looking at you right now doesn't seem like it.” Yoongi looks at you with a hesitant expression, offering you the peeled fruit.

You feel your ears heat up and not out of good reason, you are actually mad at him. You were hearing all of this for the first time and you can't believe he backed off from the job he got offered after working so hard. The reason he used to work his ass off, extra time, no holidays, always punctual, not caring about his meals and whatnot, and then just fucking backed off?

"When was this?" You say gritting your teeth, eyes glistening with angry tears, eyes still on Yoongi.

You take the piece of fruit from his hand and shove it in your mouth, eyes red with tears in them.

“Y/N..”

“Why didn't he tell me? And wait a minute he said it was a mutual decision?! What the hell?”

“Y/N, he must have had a reason for saying so, he did explain the reasons and it sounded like he gave it a lot of thought. “

“Don’t you mean WE gave it a lot of thought? hah.” You say chuckling bitterly, swallowing the fruit, your hand going through your hair in frustration as you face the direction where your husband showers unaware of the angry volcano on the other side of the bathroom door.

“What the hell is wrong with him?!” You almost scream but lower your voice remembering your parents are asleep, immediately looking around warily and Yoongi does the same, with similar expressions on his face.

“Sorry, I just feel so mad right now.” You say squeezing your eyes shut, speaking through your teeth.

“I guess you should talk to him,” he says looking at you softly.

“You’re damn right I will-“ you say

“But not now, privately, okay?”

You look at him breathing heavily, cheeks wet with tears, his eyes pleading to not lose your calm immediately. You look at his anger and countless emotions swirling in your mind, nose flaring.

“Ah, okay fine.” You say throwing your hands in frustration, coming back to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

The next few minutes Yoongi tried not to talk about anything and you just swirled your spoon in the spoon Yoongi served for you. He constantly made sure you were sipping the soup, giving you water, and peeling another tangerine for you.

He almost sighed in relief when the bathroom door clicked open and Jungkook came out of the washroom. The steam rushed out of the white-tiled space along with a drippy Jungkook and a goddamned towel around his waist.

You feel madder now. Is that even a word? You don't care because that's how you feel. Madder.

Remember when you said how your emotions were on a roll these days? Yea. It was an understatement because the moment you saw your husband with that damned towel hanging low on his hips your anger turned into angry horniness, you wished, only for a second, but wished Yoongi wasn't here so that you could straddle the half-naked guy and ask him about the stupid decision he made.

Although Jungkook had immediately rushed into the room to get some clothes on him it was enough to make your ovaries light up on fire. You're mad and horny, two things that don't go well for you. Especially not in this state.

"Hey guys I am sorry, I had to wash off all that puke stench. Why didn't you guys start eating yet?"

"I don't know maybe you took very long to shower." You snap at your husband and he freezes in his tracks to get the plate.

"Y/N, I was there for only 10 mins."

“I don't know, felt like 10 years."aAt your tone Jungkook looks at you concerned and then at Yoongi who watches awkwardly, the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Guys you know what I think I am gonna head home, I have eaten with Jimin earlier and need sleep."

“No- yoongi eat please-“ you request feeling guilty for making him awkward.

“Yes hyung, please finish your dinner.” Jungkook says, looking at his hyung but then flicking his gaze back at you.

“No no its really okay.” Yoongi says, already walking away from the island.

"Okay, hyung." He says after a second his eyes wandering back to you observing your sour mood. Eyebrows furrowed with thought while you just chewed on the rice mixed with the curry not looking at Jungkook after waving to Yoongi.

Yoongi walks towards the doorway with slow steps, the footsteps echoing along with the tinkled spoon made inside the curry bowl. He grabs the keys and walks towards the two of you, giving you a nod and patting Jungkook’s back.

"Take care Y/N and you too, kook." He stares two seconds longer at the younger male and then nods at him. Jungkook gets up halfway to which Yoongi waves in a signal for Jungkook to not bother seeing him off.

The door clicks shut leaving you and Jungkook in silence.

"Y/N wha-"

"Eat, Jungkook."

At your stern tone, Jungkook flinches and just resumes eating in silence. Silence for almost 10 minutes. 10 slow and irritating minutes. It was like the clock ticked 10 seconds forward and then 40 seconds backward. The silence added to the awkwardness you both felt, making the time more unbearable.

Again, did you mention slow?

All the thoughts come back to your mind, every emotion holding your neck in a chokehold, everything that you’ve felt since the day started comes back. The conversation with your mom about how she asked you if you wanted to move back in with ever, you thought your mom wanted you to leave so you cried. All the emotions you felt then catching up to you.

The thoughts of being alone with him made you happy and cry at the same time in the afternoon while you finished working on the report your seniors asked you to finish before your leave started. You feel all the emotions you felt while rewatching the notebook in the evening before dinner. You feel all the emotions at once, those emotions which you felt when Jungkook called you from his car and, also when he called you from his office to check if you had your medicine.

The emotions of frustration and anger when Yoongi told you about the job offer and how your husband rejected it. The thoughts about something bad happening to your child come back and make your head dizzy. It's too much at the same time. You're happy that he is eating his food in silence because if he did say anything before you finish, you might actually run to the bathroom to vomit all of your emotions.

After minutes of frustration and anger and sadness and silence, you finally got up and almost threw the plate in the sink, Jungkook tried to get your plate but you just brushed past him huffing finally making Jungkook ask you the question you didn't want to hear and hear at the same time.

You wanted to talk to him about the whole thing and didn't at the same time. You were on an emotional rollercoaster, and Jungkook was gonna be the bird that hit the coaster blades, getting hurt.

"Y/N did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, do you do anything right these days Jungkook? I don't think so." You chuckle throwing the glass of water into the sink thankfully not breaking it.

Turning towards your husband, you immediately regret saying what you said because he just looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes filled with gloss, nose red, and wobbly chin. His features make you feel like the worst human being on this planet.

"Y/N, I am sorry for whatever it is but can you tell me what's wrong?" He whispers looking- no, pleading with his eyes as you stand like a wall in front of him.

"You tell me, did you do anything to make me feel stupid and pathetic recently?" You say pointedly. Venom. Pure venom.

"Baby.."

"Don’t. Don't call me that." You say firmly.

"Shit- I am sorry Y/N please tell me what happened..wait-" You push yourself away from the counter instantly feeling the pain in your lower back.

“Bab- Y/N wait.” He rushes to your side holding one of your hands and one holding your waist, giving you support but somehow his touch stings, in the best way. You hate your mind and heart. You just hate it.

“No, I can walk myself I am not a toddler.” He doesn't let go of your hand even though you tell him to, he helps you walk towards your room. You try to tell him that you can walk alone but he doesn't listen instead he just hums or mutters 'I know' and it infuriates you more.

Why isn’t he saying anything? You’re literally acting like a spoiled kid right now.

Opening the door he walks you inside the room and helps you sit on the bed. As you take heavy breaths placing a hand on your chest you feel how rapidly your heart raced.

Removing the lid of the glass sitting on your nightstand, he helps you sip some of the liquid. You feel tears in your eyes and when he removes the glass from your lips he just smiles sadly at you and wipes the tears from your face with his thumb.

Leaning into his touch you say, "Why are you okay with me being like this to you?"

Okay, that's a dumb question ask Jeon Y/N, you're mad at him but just looking at him you feel like you are treating him like shit for something he doesn't deserve. Of course, he cheated on you, of course, you want to not love him because of that, and of course, your heart aches when you think of the betrayal but can you ever unlove him? Can you ever hurt him knowing you're gonna hurt him and not feel bad? Can you ever just look at him and feel nothing for him? Can you ever not love him?

Your head feels buzzed and when he speaks and your anger explodes.

"I deserve it, baby." You scrunch his t-shirt in your hand and pull him towards you, making him almost fall on you but he regains his balance by placing one of his hands on the comforter. With wide eyes, he just stares at you and the way your eyes brim with fresh tears. He tilts his head as if feeling guilty for the tears but you don't let him say anything.

"Why?" At this he looks at you confused.

The other tattooed hand finds its way on top of your wrist holding his t-shirt and you feel your sanity fly away for a second but at his confused expression, you feel your anger come back.

"Y/N what-" he sputters with big eyes

"Why did you reject the job offer?" you finally say.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

"What?" he breathes out.

"You think you can make that big of a decision by yourself? " you say sniffling.

"How did you-"

"How did I know? How about, why didn't I know?" You raise your voice slightly, and he shuts the door so that your parents don't get their sleep interrupted, tilting slightly towards the entrance, your bed not being that far from the door.

"Y/N I am sorr-" you cut him off mid sentence.

"Sorry? How many things are gonna be okay just because you apologize Jungkook?! It was your dream, you worked so hard for it.." you say feeling tears spill out of your eyes and when he just looks down at your lap with his lips twisted in a straight line guiltily, you can't help but yell at him a bit, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You didn't realize when your hand shifted from the t-shirt's neckline to his neck. You realize that only when his eyes shut for a second at the feeling of your hands on his face, the other hand coming to sit on top of the comforter on the other side of your body. Holding onto his face you asked him the question with big teary eyes, wet cheeks, and a wobbly chin.

"Tell me, kook?"

Sighing he answers, "Baby, they wanted me to go away."

"Don't lie to me, Jungkook, please. Yoongi told me they were ready to fix the schedule according to you -"

"And you think they were gonna do that for me forever?" He asks.

"Why did you say that I agreed then? Why did you lie? Why didn't you come talk to me? Do you think I wouldn't have understood or that you think it's not important for me to know?"

"Would you have let me quit if I wanted to?" He asked instantly.

You pause. Dammit.

"You see? That's why I didn't tell you. You're already handling so many responsibilities, I didn't wanna worry you more." He says, eyes turning soft.

You look at him. Eyes looking at him trying to find dishonesty, the thing was, Jungkook doesn't lie. Even after he did what he did, he came out to you truthfully. It hurt but you're where you are because he was honest. It's the bare minimum, honesty, but its rare. At least in your experience. But not with Jungkook. He can't lie.

"They were willing to change my schedule for me only until she is born.." he says looking at your tummy and then lifting his eyes to look at you.

"..I can't risk being away from you again. It might sound like I am lying but Y/N, baby, I don't wanna be away from you even for a single second. I wanna prove myself to be worthy of a second chance. I wanna be worthy of you and her. I can’t imagine my life even for a second without you or her. You can push me all you want, you can yell at me all you want but don't tell me that I should've chosen a job and not my family. I know I don’t have an answer for why I did what.." he pauses gulps and continues.

"...I did, I myself don't know why I did it, and trust me if I could turn back the time I would. But baby..." he puts his hand on yours that is resting on his cheek waiting for a second, barely visible, but he waits for some kind of negative reaction to him touching you. When he senses none, he continues,

"...I love you, and I will love you for my whole life, I will love you and my family until I breathe. I am so sorry for fucking things up but I want to fix them, I can fix them, we will fix it. Just don't please.." he squeezes his eyes shut slightly squeezing your hand as well.

"... don't ask me to go away from you. I can't live away from you. I would quit my job if that's what it takes to be with my family, to take care of my family, to take care of you, and to take care of us. Please tell me I can be with you, can you please tell me you don’t want me to go away? Pleas- “

You tell him exactly that, but not verbally because wasn’t it ironic how he feels sorry for not knowing why he did what he did when you don't even think of any second thoughts before you do what you do, without knowing why.

Lips crashing on his, you shut him up with an answer you feel him absorbing inside him. He freezes when you kiss him, his breath stuttering when you move your lips against him. You squeeze his t-shirt in desperate need, and you feel him flutter his eyelids against your cheekbones, your tears mixing with his, and he kisses you back.

Does it last? Does your happiness last? No.

As soon as he moves his lips, you hear him sniffle and break the kiss. His eyes are still red, and his cheeks are slightly wet as well. He sniffles again, but the only sound you can hear is your heartbreaking because he moves away.

Away from the bed. Away from the comforter. Away from the kiss. Away from you.

He gets up and takes a step back, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. He curses under his breath as if regaining his composure while you just stare at the space where he was sitting earlier.

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't, I can't. I am really sorry, I shouldn't. I just shouldn't. I am sorry.”

And he leaves the room, shutting the door, not completely but leaving it slightly ajar. It's just like he does always. You hear the kitchen tap opening. He probably is doing the dishes. You hear everything from outside the door, but you feel like there's radio silence in your room.

A low beep-like sound ringing in your ears, embarrassment? Hurt? Love? Anger? Betrayal? Pain? Need? Desire? You feel so much at once, and you don't know what to do with it. This is getting so much more fucked and somehow you both find new ways to make this way tougher than anyone can imagine.

After some time, you hear the lights outside click off, and you can't help but wish he came to you. He does, but only to keep a fresh glass of water on the nightstand. He wishes you good night in a whisper, glancing once at your face and then,

...leaves.

Well, shit.

___________________________________________

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amethystwrytes · 3 months ago

Text

Safe. (Part Five)

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin X Fem. Reader X Lee Minho

Summary: A broke ER Nurse offers up her services to a large crime organization in exchange for much higher pay and benefits that are unconventional, but lucrative. The life proves to be questionable at best, and downright isolating at worst which leaves her feeling unsure, unstable and dangerous.

Warnings: Explicit language. Explicit depictions of sex (some chapters will be more explicit than others sexually). Violence. Blood. Trauma injuries. (Organized) Crime. Emotional manipulation. Discussion of murder and physical assault. Medical inaccuracy galore. Smoking. Past addiction. 18+ Only MDNI.

Chapter WC: 5K

AN: (1) Two chapters in one week feels excessive - but it's finished, and it’s Minho's BIRTHDAY after all, and also I think I’d like to start posting on Fridays anyway. (2) I don’t want to talk about the unspeakably preposterous and unbelievable practicality/mechanics of one of these smut scenes. You will know it when you see it and you will shush. *Suspension of disbelief rabble rabble*. Thank you, that is all.

~ PART FIVE ~ [Series M. List Here]

You’re setting the table for supper when you hear the key to the front door twist in the lock. Your stomach hardens and you eye Christopher sitting in the living room. You wonder when someone will be able to open your front door without you thinking that they’re going to come barreling through to hurt you, but it’s only Minho.

“You can go,” Minho casually instructs Chris, who instantly stands and gives you a nod.

“Here,” you call Christopher over, and hand him a to-go box. You made way too much and even though you’re still sore at him for spilling your secrets, you want the man to eat. He takes it with a smile and a thank you, then heads out.

Minho waits for him to shut it completely before joining you in the kitchen.

“God that smells amazing, what did you make?” he wraps his hands around you from behind, his head dipping into the small of your neck and shoulder.

“Spicy chicken, fried rice, and a cucumber salad because I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of you eat a fucking vegetable,” you smile.

He chuckles, “You take such good care of us,” he smiles against your face before kissing your cheek.

You briefly eye the front door, “Where’s Hyunjin?”

Minhos cheerful expression fades for a split second, but he plucks a cucumber slice out of the bowl and corrects himself, “He went home to clean up a bit. He’s coming.”

“You didn’t clean up?” you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Love, I’ve been doing this a long time, trust me when I say I’m clean as a whistle,” he explains.

You shrug, “Okay, but it’s not polite to eat before everyone arrives, so put that salad in the refrigerator to keep it cool please,” you instruct as you slide the chicken and rice into the oven to keep warm.

Minho does as he’s told, surprisingly, then looks at you, “I’m sorry.”

Your brows furrow, “Sorry?”

He nods, “I’m sorry for what I said to you in your room that day, I’m sorry for threatening to frame you for selling drugs out of the house, I’m sorry for ever giving you a reason to think I would hurt you.”

You’d been thinking all afternoon of how you want to talk, of what you want to say to both of them this evening, but this you were not expecting.

You let out a steady breath and nod, “I guess what I wonder then, is why? Why would you say those things? If you truly never intended to hurt me, then why would you say such awful things?”

He presses his lips into a line and traces the streaks in the marble countertop.

“Well?” you urge.

“I’ve acted the way I’ve acted because I wanted you to hate me. You can’t lose people you love if you love no one and no one loves you. My feelings would be easier to resolve and manage if you hated me,” he smiles sadly, “but when you said you weren’t comfortable being seen with me, I realized having you hate me was exceptionally painful, so I did what I do when I get hurt or angry and acted like a fucking asshole. When you looked at me that day, scared and sad…I realized that I’d fucked up.”

“You are so…” you sigh, “Unstable. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” he chuckles, “I’m aware.”

You think of his wife and your heart aches for him again, “Were you ever going to tell me about her?” you wonder.

His eyes widen a bit, he doesn’t need any clarification to know who you’re asking about.

“Seola? I don’t know,” he answers honestly, “Probably…eventually. I don’t talk about her often, I don’t…I don’t like to. How did you find out about her?”

“Jisoo did my hair and makeup for the Casino night,” you tell him, you can’t quite measure if he’s upset about you knowing or not, and you don’t want to throw Christopher under the bus, despite his loose lips. Jisoo feels like a safer option.

He sighs, “Seola…I loved her with my whole heart. I told her early on that she should stay as far away from me as possible, but she wouldn’t,” he smiles. “When she was taken from me, I never thought I’d ever be able to have feelings for anyone else, I didn’t want to. Then you and I met, and at first I thought I could treat you like the other people I’ve slept with over the past few years, use you the way you were using me - for human contact, to feel good, but…” he trails off, unsure of how to explain it.

“...but it feels like more,” you finish for him.

“Yes,” he nods, stepping closer to you, taking your face gently between his hands, “it does.”

He leans down slowly, gently, and kisses your lips.

“Please don’t leave us,” he whispers, “don’t leave me.”

“Then don’t ever make me feel like I need to be afraid of you,” you whisper back.

“I won’t,” he answers.

“Don’t let them hurt me again,” you add.

“No one will ever lay a hand on you again baby, not as long as I’m breathing,” he promises.

You press your lips against his, pull his shirt with your fingertips, drawing him into you. His tongue traces the lines of your bottom lip and you greet it with your own. You melt as his hands roam your body, under your shirt to squeeze and caress the warm skin. You moan into his mouth and he pushes you against the countertops.

You feel him falter and he pulls away, the two of you staring at each other; you wondering why he stopped, and him looking hindered by something unseen.

“Do you have feelings for Hyunjin?” he asks. You were expecting this question from one or both of them at some point this evening, but it still hits you abrasively. You’re not willing to lie though. If you’re doing this, all of it, then there is no room for a growing pile of lies between you.

“Yes.”

“Do you have feelings for me?”

“Yes, I do,” you nod, lifting your fingers to his hair to play with the dark strands.

“That’s going to get extremely messy,” he warns.

“Then it will fit right in, because all of this is a mess,” you say, looking hard at the floor. He lifts your chin up so your gaze finds his.

“Is that really what you want? Both of us? I need to know.”

You think for a moment, think about how you should answer, think about what his response is going to be.

“I want you both.”

“Is it because I’m not enough? Or because he’s not enough?” he asks, and you hear the defense in his voice, the blow to his pride and it pains you.

You shake your head, lace your fingers with his, “It’s not that. Not at all. You are both more than enough. It’s because you both make me feel things that I crave, because you are two polar opposite men, who make me feel so strongly, and so good when I’m with you but in such very different ways, and maybe I’m just being selfish, I know I am actually, but I don’t want to give up the way I feel when I’m with either of you.”

Minho is about to respond when the knock on the door drags both your attentions away from the conversation.

“It’s me, Hyunjin,” a muffled voice calls out from behind the door.

You squeeze Minhos arm and he lays his hand over yours, giving you a halfhearted smile, but a smile, and that’s better than nothing.

You cross the space and open the front door to Hyunjins sweet smile, the top half of his jet black hair tied up into a wet bun, the scent of his shampoo still fragrant.

“Hi,” you smile.

“Hi beautiful.”

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

Dinner starts out dreadfully silent. So silent in fact that you can barely touch your food. Minho and Hyunjin dig in though, stuffing chicken, rice and cucumbers in at an alarming pace that makes you smile. They’re used to silence, to awkwardness. They’ve learned to navigate it, thrive in it, and carry on regardless of the tension.

“Well, I’d ask you both how your day was but I suppose I know,” you finally attempt a joke, but it doesn’t come out like you intended it to and no one laughs, including you. You grab the cold beer you served with the chicken and take a very long swig.

Minho wipes his mouth with a napkin and gives you a soft, understanding look, “You wanted us here Love, it’s your meeting so to speak,” he says.

Hyunjin looks between the two of you as he chews his food, he seems to understand he’s missed part of the conversation, the conversation you started with Minho but this is all ass backwards and not how you wanted to start your ‘meeting.’

“Alright, yes,” you clear your throat, “I do have things I want to discuss with both of you.”

Both men take a break from eating and sit a little straighter, giving you their full attention. You realize now that your hope at a more casual conversation over food was a fruitless endeavor, these men are too serious for casual.

“I realized something today,” you begin, “I’ve realized that despite what I’ve told myself the past several months, that I am part of this organization. I’ve helped all of you at one point or another, and maybe I’ve just helped in the least criminal of ways, but I have committed crimes with you whether I like it or not. I’ve heard things, I know names, I know what you’ve done, and the things you intend to do, I am an accomplice,” you say it out loud and although it makes it real, there is a part of you that’s relieved to say it to just get it out there.

Neither Hyunjin or Minho say anything so you continue, “I was going to run, but I think that running away would just mean that I’m running straight into more trouble for myself, for one. But also…” you trail off, “but also, I don’t want to run away from either of you.”

Hyunjin looks at Minho so quickly that you think it could give him whiplash, but Minho doesn’t react to any of it.

“But before we talk about that, or what that means, or how to even navigate it, I have terms I’d like to lay out,” you look at both of them.

“What are your terms Love?” Minho asks, all business, and you wonder if he’s about to produce a pen and notebook to take notes in.

“First, I don’t like the way some of your guys speak to me as if I’m your personal fuck toy,” you say.

“Seungmin.”

Hyunjin and Minho say his name simultaneously.

“Okay yes, Seungmin, but I don’t want him punished or whatever. I would just like it made clear that while we don’t have to like each other, we don’t need to speak so disrespectfully to one another, and not to sound like a child but he always starts it,” you take another swig of beer. Minho looks as though he’s holding in a chuckle and this puts you at ease a bit.

“It will be made clear to him and to all my employees that you are to be treated and spoken to with absolutely nothing but respect,” Minho nods with a smile, “What else?”

“I don’t want to know everything, I don’t need to know everything, but I also don’t want to be treated like Christopher - as just an employee who does as she’s told and is only told the bare minimum. I want to be trusted, and I want you to talk to me freely about things that you need to get off your mind, or things that impact me in any way,” you say.

“Trust is earned,” Minho says, “but after everything you’ve been through, I believe you’ve more than earned it, so done.”

“Finally,” you take a breath, “it’s been hard for me since the night I got attacked to be alone here, or anywhere for that matter, and I know you both have things that need done, that you can’t be here all the time, and I appreciate Christopher, and Jisung, and the others…but I want you two - not necessarily at the same time - but I want the two of you.”

The room sinks back into that familiar silence again and you wait impatiently for someone to say something, you fork some chicken and stuff it in your mouth for something to do.

“Fine, I’ll be the one to say it,” Hyunjin half laughs, “Are we talking about fucking each other or protection detail?”

It’s Minhos turn to take an uncomfortably large swig of beer and you have to force the small bite of chicken down your throat roughly.

“I…well…” you stutter, “In this specific moment I’m talking about who is here in the house with me,” you clarify.

“And what about outside this specific moment?” Minho asks for more clarification and you realize that the time has come, whether you were ready for it or not, to tell them both what you actually want. Is it what you want? You’ve never attempted a relationship that had more than two people in it, but none of those relationships turned out very well so you can’t really cite them as reliable sources, can you?

“Honestly?” you inhale deeply and let it go, “Honestly, I wouldn’t be opposed to having you both in the other way at the same time, I’ve never done that before, it would be my first time - but the thought of it makes me wet just imagining it.”

Hyunjin bites his bottom lip and sits back in his seat. To say you’re suddenly feeling warm is an understatement, so you chug the rest of your beer then get up for another.

“What do you think about that?” Minho asks Hyunjin.

Hyunjin licks his lips and you think you might combust, “Well, it wouldn’t be my first time,” he says with a smile that might be a little too proud, “it could be lots of fun,” he says avoiding eye contact with Minho and only looking at you. You swallow hard.

“How many times have the two of you…” Minho starts, but you answer before he can finish.

“Hyunjin and I have never had sex,” you tell him, trying to keep any emotion from your voice like how it’s a bit disappointing that you’ve not slept with Hyunjin, or how you’re scared that Minho will be upset if you’d said you had, or how excited you are that you might actually get fucked by both of the men sitting with you at this table.

“Hmm,” Minho nods, “I see.”

“What do you think about it, boss?” Hyunjin finally looks at him, “We both said we didn’t want to share after all.”

Only Hwang Hyunjin could look at Lee Minho and say that without it sounding like a challenge, like a threat.

Minho exhales slowly and shrugs, “It may be a shock to some, but I’m not a closed minded man, however, I am a possessive one,” he looks at you and chews on the inside of his cheek, his eyes narrowing with consideration, “so the answer to your question is that I’m not sure.”

Your heart sinks a little, and you’re unsure of what to say.

“We can work with possessive,” Hyunjin says, the corners of his mouth slipping into a coy smile, as if he’s flirting with Minho and your clit throbs, you can feel the way you’re soaked and you press your thighs together.

“Oh?” is all Minho responds with.

“Mm,” Hyunjin nods, “I’m not a power player, I don’t have to be a top, I don’t have to be a bottom, I’m not picky, and you should know by now I’m very good at being told what to do.”

You watch as Minhos expression changes, he looks at Hyunjin in a way you’ve never seen him look at any of his guys before, and then he looks at you, “You’re being awfully quiet now darling.”

It takes you a solid three seconds to realize he’s talking to you, you’re gripping the neck of your beer so hard it might bust.

“I’m just, thoroughly enjoying this conversation,” you grin.

“How much?” he asks.

Well. That was an invitation if you’ve ever heard one. You swallow your sip of beer and stand, shuffling out the wrinkles of your cotton skirt and step closer to him, “Would you like to see?” you ask, bunching up the skirt in your fists higher and higher until the tops of your thighs are exposed.

Minho chews his lip as his fingertips trace delicate lines up your legs, finally disappearing beneath the fabric, pushing your panties to the side so he can swirl them in your arousal. You gasp, tilting your head back as he moves his fingers against you.

“My, my,” he whispers, voice gravelly with want, and he looks as if he wants to knock everything off the table to fuck you on it. You wouldn’t be opposed.

Hyunjin sits motionless on the other side, watching, and though you’ve never really considered how it would make you feel, you find that having him watch feels very good.

Minho removes his fingers from your cunt and uses them to motion Hyunjin over. Your heart starts pounding. Hyunjin moves slowly, but you can see his erection straining against his pants.

“So Hyunjin has never played with you?” Minho asks, his eyes on Hyunjin.

“We’ve kissed…” you manage to speak between catching your breath.

“But he’s never tasted you? Your pussy that is?”

You shake your head back and forth.

“Go on then,” Minho looks at him darkly, touching Hyunjins mouth with his fingertips, spreading your slick across his bottom lip. Hyunjin sucks Minhos fingers into his mouth hungrily, a groan escaping from somewhere deep in his chest.

“I have to admit, knowing he’s not had you is pretty satisfying to me,” Minho chuckles, yanking his fingers from Hyunjins mouth, “I wonder how far I can push him before he comes undone?” he stands from the table, “Has everyone eaten? No ones starving anymore?” he asks the two of you and finishes off his beer.

“Not for food,” Hyunjin comments and winks at you.

“Then let’s go to the living room, shall we?” Minho grabs your hand and pulls you forward, Hyunjin following close behind.

Minho kisses you deeply, then takes a seat in the armchair, “Why don’t you help our girl out of her pretty clothes?”

“Gladly,” Hyunjin whispers, taking the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head, he tosses it across the room then drops to his knees as you unzip the side of your skirt. He helps you shimmy it down into a pool of fabric around your feet and you step away from it. Hyunjin looks up at you, his eyes scanning your body, and he hooks his fingers into your underwear, pulling them slowly down your legs.

“Don’t even think about putting your lips on her, not yet, I say when,” Minho instructs from the chair. Hyunjin freezes as if that’s exactly what he was about to do.

“Yes sir,” Hyunjin grins.

You want to interject and say that if Minho doesn’t give the go ahead soon, you might be the one coming undone, but you stay silent, you’re not sure what to do anyway, and something in your gut tells you it needs to happen like this, for them, in order for Minho to be right with it.

“Sit on the sofa, Love,” Minho tells you and you sit, like a good girl, on the sofa then look at him for further instruction. He laughs, “You look so eager darling, so fucking turned on, do you want me to be nice for you?”

“Yes,” you nod frantically, “Please.”

“Do you want him to taste your cunt finally?”

“Mmhmm,” you keep nodding, leaning back into the cushions, kneading your breasts.

“Spread your legs for him, so he can see how fucking gorgeous you are,” he instructs.

You nearly go out of your mind watching Hyunjin crawl between your legs, his fingernails raking red lines up your thighs. Hyunjin looks behind at Minho for permission.

“First,” Minho halts him, “take your shirt and pants off, you look dreadfully uncomfortable.”

Hyunjin smiles and tears his shirt over his head, then stands briefly to remove his trousers before resuming his position between your legs.

“Now, make our princess cum,” Minho grins.

Hyunjin does what he’s told, but he also takes his sweet time, licking and sucking kisses on the inside of your thighs and you wonder if he’s savoring the moment like you. This heated, passionate affair that seems to have been building up since the night you sewed stitches into his side.

Finally, he grabs hold of your thighs roughly and drags you to the edge of the sofa, “you ready Doll?”

“God, yes…”

His tongue is eager against your flesh, but in true Hyunjin fashion, is also quick, soft, controlled and deliberate. He was told to make you cum, and he’s honing in on that target like his life depends on it.

“How does it feel, baby?” Minho asks and you manage to turn your head towards him, “let’s hear you.”

“It feels so fucking good, he’s so good at it,” you whimper, looking back down at Hyunjin. His eyes lock with yours and you watch as his tongue appears and disappears between your folds. You rest your head back onto the sofa and moan, your hips beginning to move in time with his mouth, you’re so close.

“She’s about to cum, I can tell by her face,” Minho smiles, and you nod, unable to verbally confirm this, “let go baby, cum for him.”

Minhos deep, gravelly command paired with Hyunjins soft tongue lapping at you pushes you far beyond your capacity to hold yourself back. Your body quakes as your orgasm ripples over and over, your clit becoming so sensitive you have to physically push Hyunjins face away with your hands and plea with a quiet “stop.”

Hyunjin is totally out of breath as he sits back on his ankles, he wipes his mouth with his arm, eyes dark, and looks at Minho.

“How close are you to busting?” Minho chuckles.

“Very.”

Minho licks his lips, then unzips his pants, releasing his own cock from the confines of his clothes. He strokes himself gently then nods his head towards you, “Go on then, she loves getting fucked right after you eat her out, don’t you baby?”

“Yes,” you groan, “Very much.”

Hyunjin doesn’t hesitate a moment before ripping his boxers down and kicking them away, he takes your shoulders and shoves you down onto the sofa, propping one of your legs on the back and sliding between.

“I don’t know how long I’ll last,” Hyunjin warns.

“It’s okay,” you breathe, “you don’t have to make me cum again.”

“Yes he does,” Minho says coolly from the chair, “yes he fucking does.”

“Heard,” Hyunjin manages to tease.

Hyunjin lines himself up with you as you dig your nails into his shoulders, desperate for it, needing it. He pushes in slowly, and your eyes lock as he fills you to the hilt. Your lips part and you wiggle a bit, urging him to move, he does. He’s going impossibly slow, his brows knitted together in concentration.

“Fuck you’re perfect,” he moans, his hips speeding up just a bit. You can’t help but steal a look at Minho, who watches you both from the same chair he’s been sitting in, slowly stroking himself, lip tucked tightly between his teeth.

You lift your hips a bit to meet Hyunjins thrusts, sliding your hands down his sides, around his thighs to pull him closer, deeper.

“Hyunjin,” you whisper, his name a plea for him to do something, though you’re unsure of what. Feeling his cock drag in and out, hitting some delicious spot within, watching Minho look and hearing his little gasps every time you whimper or moan might actually be your undoing.

Hyunjins movements become more desperate, more erratic, and you’re sure he won’t be able to hold himself back much longer. You take his face in your hands and he looks at you, “Make me cum,” you gently drag his hand down to your neck, his breath stutters as he wraps his long, delicate fingers around your throat to hold you down gently while he fucks into you. You push back with every thrust, causing a rough but welcome collision and you cum so hard around his cock that you can feel it in your very bones. You cry out, hips bucking just a bit off the sofa as you spasm around him.

He thrusts into you only twice more before freezing, his breath escaping in a muffled moan as he buries his face into your neck.

Hyunjin pulls you towards him and captures your lips with his.

“Perfect,” he whispers.

Minho finally makes his way to the couch, Hyunjin moves aside, practically collapsing.

“Feel better?” Minho smiles, rubbing circles on your legs.

You nod, claiming his hand in yours to lace your fingers together.

He looks between your legs, “You’re a mess,” he drags the back of his finger up your slit, swirling Hyunjins leaking fluids around your own. You shudder with a gasp at the stimulation.

“Come, let’s go upstairs,” Minho stands and extends his hand to you; he pauses briefly in front of Hyunjin and stares, then caresses his jawline with his thumb, “you did good, impressive. Come on.”

Minho leads you both into the master bath where he reaches into the walk-in to start a shower. You step close to him and start undoing the buttons of his shirt, looking up at him as he strokes your hair. You continue silently undressing him until the three of you stand totally naked in the middle of your steamy bathroom.

Minho grabs your chin with his fingertips and draws you into him, his mouth desperate for yours and your lips crash together with urgent moans. In your peripheral you can see Hyunjin step into the shower and rinse himself off, he reaches out and tugs on you and Minho, who barely takes his mouth off you to shuffle into the warm water.

“Is this what you wanted?” Minho asks in a grunt as he picks you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. “Wanted to be our needy little slut, so fucking pretty and sweet, getting fucked out by both of us?” he whispers as your back presses against the cold stone of the shower wall.

You grin like the cheshire cat and nod, “Mmhmm.”

Minho smiles and shakes his head at you before his lips overtake yours again, and you also feel Hyunjins hands roaming as he puts himself between your back and the wall, his body much warmer and less scratchy than the stone. You can feel Minhos hard erection sliding against your soaked pussy and your breath hitches. Hyunjins wet hands slide around your body and he fingers at your nipples, stroking and squeezing. Minho leans in and you watch through the steam as he takes Hyunjins mouth with his own, his cock rubbing against your clit as he positions himself to fuck you against Hyunjin.

This exceeds even your highest expectation of what this experience would be like. Feeling Minho bouncing you on his cock while you listen to the two of them moan into each others mouths, Hyunjins fingers circling your clit gently while the other hand takes turns playing with your breasts and yanking your hair to tilt your head back for neck kisses.

“Fuck,” you whine, the impossible ache inside you is building again, you can’t remember the last time you orgasmed three times in one evening, or if you ever have, but you’re going to.

“Gonna cum for me Love?” Minho presses his forehead against yours, breathless, pumping his hips up into you.

“Yes,” you half laugh in delirium, “Fuck, yes keep going…”

You can feel his fingertips digging into the sides of your ass, feel how desperate he is to finish, you lean your head forward to kiss him, sucking his bottom lip between your teeth and biting as you reach your high. Your orgasm comes out in a choked gasp, your body completely spent, and you feel him pull out a bit and spill himself all over your cunt.

Hyunjin washes you off while Minho catches his breath then the three of you, unbothered to put on clothes or even dry off, collapse on your bed, drops of water everywhere but no one caring.

You’re not surprised that Minho pulls you in immediately, wrapping his arm around you tight - possessive.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” you sigh, eyes already shut and sleep getting closer and closer to overtaking you.

“Pleasure isn’t a bad thing people,” Hyunjin yawns, switches off the lamp, then flips to his side to properly sandwich you in. His long, lean arm draped over you while his fingers massage circles on Minhos shoulder. “It’s not this thing that has to be confined in a specific little box, used for one specific purpose at a time like it isn’t supposed to just be this fun, enjoyable thing-,”

“Hyunjin?” Minho grumbles with closed eyes.

“Yes boss?”

“Stop talking and go to sleep.”

“Yes boss,” he laughs.

Endnotes:

I think I'm going to try to tag my taglist besties in the comments this time and see how that goes and where it takes us.

As usual, if you've made it far enough to read this, here's your virtual smooch <3

#skz fanfiction #hyunjin fanfiction #Lee know fanfiction #skz smut #hyunjin smut #lee know smut #skz romance #hyunjin romance #Lee know romance #stray kids #hwang hyunjin x reader #lee know x reader #happy birthday lee know

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musubi-sama · 11 months ago

Text

“Classmates”

You are officially Shoko Ieri’s girlfriend, but why are you being followed and gently threatened by two tall, disgustingly handsome men?

CW: afab!reader x shoko ieri, modern au, mild stalking, the boys being intimidating, toys, cunnilingus, shower sex, lady love, mild plot

AN: This is baby’s first fan fic, my first piece of fiction and self-indulgent prose. The world needs more yuri/sapphic/lady stories and I hope I can do it a modicum of justice. I will probably write out the two flashback references as additional chapters once I figure out what I want to do with them.

WC: 4.9k

Next chapter —

“Let’s continue that little thread from last night after classes today?” she responds before pulling away and heading off to the lecture hall. “I’ll make sure to take ‘extra meticulous’ notes for you!” Your girlfriend puts extra emphasis and holds up sassy airquotes (even gives a little sideways nudge with her hip) because she’s notoriously a poor lecture student and you pay attention almost too much and too well, taking notes furiously from your front and center seat.

You give her a cute giggle and wave as she walks away; you’re heading off to meet with your adviser to discuss a research opportunity. While you walk across the quad into the neighboring dining hall to grab your usual Starbucks order (iced caramel machiatto).

Meanwhile, a pair of tall, offensively handsome men doing what would otherwise be a scene from a spy movie, fold the top half of a newspaper down and watch you and Shoko embrace and go your separate ways.

“Suguru, who the hell was that talking to Sho?” the white-haired, ethereally blue eyed man says a bit too loudly to his dark-haired, enigmatically purple eyed friend. The pair sit on the bench gawking, although the dark haired man winces at the volume of his friend.

“You’re going to give us away, shush, Satoru! I don’t know who she is or what that was about but let’s follow her” Suguru gets up and beckons in your general direction “and see where she goes” Satoru gets up and they both follow you at a safe distance, catching up with you as you are waiting for your order at Starbucks. Satoru perks up and nudges Suguru in the side with a cheeky smile when he hears the barista announce your order. “She can’t be that bad, she’s got a sweet tooth!”

“Let’s see where she goes from here.” Suguru pinches his chin as he watches you from across the cafe. You navigate around a few tables to reach the exit and head off to your meeting. While waiting for the elevator to the fifth floor, you catch a flash of messy-but-styled white hair from around the corner, but chalk it up to sleep deprivation and stress.

You make it to your adviser and he walks you through a few research opportunities, but the drawback is that you will need to take a year between finishing your primary in-classroom education and your clinical rotations. And the one that you like the most is across the country. Great timing, just after you finally get a girlfriend and think you may have your little life settled into a comfortable routine. Maybe you wait a few weeks to discuss this with Shoko. But maybe she would want you to bring it up sooner, it’s not like you haven’t known her for four years already. The responsible partner would talk about it soon. But you’ve never been too keen on bringing up tough subjects in a reasonable or quick manner, opting to mull quietly, by yourself, not wanting to bother other people or respond to negative feedback.

As you’re arguing with yourself, you take the elevator back down the ground floor and head outside to hole up in the library until Shoko is out of the morning’s lectures.

Except you don’t notice the two tall handsome boys following you from the lobby across the quad. They take notice of your internal conflicts written across your face and lack of spatial awareness to surround you and you bump into a dense, immovable statue. Fortunately for you, it’s not an actual statue, but a person, so there is a softness in the knock and a pair of arms quickly wrap around you to make sure you don’t fall. Two sets of arms, actually.

“Ah, Iamsosorry” You attempt to stammer out as you are brought out of your internal arguments. You look up to see long, feathered jet-black hair, reaching past the shoulders, but pulled partially up into a bun. Face framed by bangs hanging on one side. Piercing, focused, concerned violet eyes, and a soft smile. Your first impression is that he is cat-like. He catches you off-guard but you feel safe. As you step back to give him space and continue to your destination, your back bumps into an equally statuesque figure. But he’s the polar opposite when you tilt your head back and look up at him. A shock of white hair, dark round sunglasses, giant smile bearing all his teeth, ocean blue eyes piercing you. It’s unsettling how it feels like he’s reading every thought you’re having right now, in the past, and the future. “Oh, excuse me…” you mumble but it just trails off.

“Oh hello there.” Suguru places his hands on your shoulders to steady you. It feels nice, reassuring, considering you just knocked around some coastal rocks. “My name is Suguru Geto and this is Satoru Gojo. We just happened to see you walking across campus and you seemed distracted. Wouldn’t want you walking into anyone and causing a disturbance. Present company excluded, of course.”

“Yeah, what’s a girl like you doing so distracted?” You’re caught off guard by the brazen question. And confused by the implications. What kind of girl do they think you are?

“Sorry, I really just want to go to the library. I’m meeting my girlfriend soon.” You try to side-step the pair and they move in tandem to block your path. Ah, you start to feel the familiar anxiety of being pestered by someone who can’t understand that ‘no’ is a full and complete statement. What you fail to notice, is the shock that zipped through the boys’ expressions.

“I am sorry for the brashness of my companion” Suguru tilts his head up to give Satoru a piercing stare before his gaze softens again and he looks back at you. You feel as if you’re the only person in the entire world as he looks down. Completely taken by his gaze, feeling his arms re-settle on your forearms for a moment before dropping to his sides, giving you space with the lack of physical touch. “But we saw you with a friend of ours and we were just concerned for her. She always introduces anyone beyond a mere acquaintance to us, and we are only looking out for her best interests.” Satoru uses this opportunity to step around to your front, hands in his pockets. Although he still has a mischievous grin on his face.

“Er, what? I am sure that any one I am friends with surely doesn’t require a white knight or dark stallion to protect her honor.” You attempt to cut the conversation short.

“You’re right. You’re absolutely correct, dear. How about we get to know you over dinner? Our treat for being so forward. Tomorrow, pick you up at 7:00? I know a place that does great bananas foster with homemade caramel” Satoru winks, and you realize you’re still holding your coffee. You’re clutching it now, hoping he didn’t see that you asked for extra caramel drizzle in your coffee today. You’re a people pleaser, so you just quickly agree to the plans. You ask for their LineID and as you’re walking away, you get two messages immediately:

Can’t wait to see you, sweets! Looking forward to dinner and getting to know you.

Finally making it to the library, feeling buzzed, and not from the sugar or caffeine. But you manage to find some shred of focus for the next two hours. Your phone buzzes and you start to pack up your books and laptop. You respond to Shoko’s message that she’s out of class and heading to the dining hall with a quick “Yay, save me a seat!” message even though you know you don’t have to ask.

“How was the Pharmacology lecture?” You ask, while attempting to unhinge your jaw around a particularly ambitious forkful of salad. Your girlfriend just smiles at you over her soup.

“Hm, well you know how engaging Dr. Smith is at his age. I made sure to get an audio recording of the lectures and of course the slide notes include the markups from in-class.”

“Aww, thank you! You’re the best.”

Shoko gives you a fond smile as you both settle back into eating lunch. You continue chatting about classes, you feel confident over your polite dodging of any real answer to how your adviser meeting went “Ah, well, I am waiting for him to email me with some details on a couple research opportunities.” Shoko seems satisfied, or at least doesn’t have any follow up questions to your response. You don’t feel comfortable about lying to your best friend, your girlfriend, but you didn’t really tell her lies. Just, not the whole truth. You’ll tell her, soon. You promised yourself. That was the decision you had settled on right as you bumped into-

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. I have two friends I’ve known since forever and I want to introduce you to them. I have kept you from them until now because they can be somewhat, very, incredibly, protective of me and intrusive to anyone who gets close. But they are good people, even if I have to kick their asses when they pull their little “baby Shoko” stunts.” Shoko puts her hands on yours and looks straight at you, although struggles to keep eye contact when she mentions her friends’ not-so-kind traits.

You consider her question and do not want to respond too quickly or eagerly, but you have wanted to build some new relationships before your life gets too much more hectic with clerkships, graduation, and intern year on the horizon. And if these new friends are already friends with Shoko, then it’s even easier because you would want any new friends to be comfortable with both of you. You may only be newly dating, but you’ve already fallen for Shoko quite hard and want to settle down. Or something like that? You haven’t taken a breath to really figure your brain out.

“Oh, well, why don’t we get drinks and see how things go? I like the idea of making new friends, let’s give it a try!” You try to hold back your over-eagerness, but you let slip big excited eyes and slotting your fingers into Shoko’s hands and squeezing. A small squeal may have also escaped your lips, you’re bad a poker. And Shoko loves it. She gives you a soft smile, leans over to drop a peck on your cheek. The rest of lunch passes with easy conversation. You head off to your afternoon lectures and study sessions together.

After classes finished, you both headed back to Shoko’s apartment. Even before you started dating, you spent most of your free time at her place. It was closer, bigger, quieter, and nicer than your apartment. You grab a pair of beers from the fridge after you finished cleaning up from dinner and walk over to the couch. Shoko turned on Netflix and started the nightly ritual of scrolling new and recently updated shows to see what caught either of your interests before settling on one of the six shows you’re already in the middle of watching. You sit sideways and hand over one of the beers, laying your legs across your girlfriend’s lap. She settles on watching the next episode of your shared guilty pleasure, Doctor X. During the opening credits, your phone buzzes several times with messages on Line.

“Ugh, what is it now? I should’ve left it in the bedroom” you grumble as you lean over to the table and pick up your phone that has now buzzed four times. You see a newly familiar name pop up and scowl.

“What’s wrong, love?” Shoko perks up and looks over to you as you start to read the messages, more coming in while you’re reading.

“I literally ran into a pair of criminally attractive guys. Boys, really. They did that High School-Hollywood thing of boxing me in, making me look up, and then not taking no for an answer. I agreed to get dinner with them tomorrow just so they’d leave me alone and go away.” You flash her the phone with the messages. Her usually subtle expression shifted much more dramatically when she saw who you were talking about.

“Wait. You ran into, literally? Gojo and Geto? Tall, one with white hair sticking up in stupid directions and acting with way too much bravado, the other with big ear gauges and an air of incredible self-confidence? Today? Where? When?” She stops her idle massaging of your legs and turns towards you, taking your phone to read more carefully what they had sent:

Heyyyyyy. Wear something cute? Do you like Mediterranean? :)

“Yyyyeah that matches the pair. Why, do you know them? Have they bothered you on campus before?”

Shoko snickers softly. “You could say that. Remember the pair of friends I wanted you to meet? Looks like they found you first.”

“Oh.” You look down at your hands for a moment and then suddenly you remember what Suguru said to you “we saw you with a friend of ours and we were just concerned for her…” “Oh, wait a second. You’re the friend they were talking about!” And you relay the conversation you had with Suguru and Satoru to Shoko who just shakes her head and sucks her teeth.

“Yeah, those bastards. I told them to wait till this weekend, I had news for them and someone to meet. But they just HAD to get impatient.”

“I will call off dinner! Can I have my phone back, please?” you reach out your hand to begin composing a polite response to the nuisance pair.

“No, don’t. Just have them come over first. And then they can take BOTH of us to dinner.”

As soon as you send off your address, you put your phone down. Shoko’s ministrations on your legs intensifies subtly, but clearly with an agenda. You lean back against the arm of the couch as Shoko slowly massages her hands up your legs, focusing on the softer flesh on the insides of your thighs. You part your legs for her slightly as she gets closer to your clothed core.

The days have been long and you’ve hardly had time for yourself or your relationship since you’ve put official titles on it. You shift yourself so you’re now straddling Shoko. You reach your hands around her neck, threading your hands under her long, wheat-colored brown hair. When you met her, her hair was only touching her shoulders, but now it’s reaching far down her back. Her lips are so soft and inviting, a gentle sheen of spit covering them. Your eyes rake over her face, taking in every facial micromovement. You admire her lone freckle below her eye, something you’ve always found cute.

You lean in, lips parting slightly as her eyes glance up at you, pupils darkening in desire. As your tongues slipped past each other, they danced delicately but with increasing urgency as your lips press harder and Shoko takes a brief opening to nip at your lower lip, drawing out a soft moan from you. Your hands hold her neck tighter, one slipping up through her hair, giving it a light tug. Her hands start sliding back in between your legs, the side of her pinky finger lightly grazing your center which elicits a small grind from you. As your kiss slowly turns more frantic, trading breaks for air with trails of urgency on each others jawline, Shoko reaches under your shirt to gently wrap her hands under your voluminous tits. Still seated in a soft bralette, your nipples begin to harden as her hands slowly squeeze and make their way into the bralette and find your nipples with a soft squeeze.

You drop your hands to your sides and toss your head back at the sharp, but pleasurable sensations and start to roll your hips in Shoko’s lap, looking for some friction and relief for the growing tension. You whimper as the pinching and squeezing intensifies, tilting your head back up and you are met with eyes filled with pure lust. “I told you I wanted to continue from last night” Shoko growls. You just respond with a low moan. Shoko then uses her forearms to slide your shirt up and over your head, taking your bralette with it.

Now, your fully exposed chest and abdomen, your nipples clearly taut in response to the pleasure being shown to them. Shoko then leans down to one, taking it in her mouth with a light suck. Keeping her hand squeezing the other, she lightly bites down, rolling the puckered nipple in her teeth, sliding her slick tongue across. She releases it with a pop, letting it and your breast drop and give a little lewd jiggle. She repeats the process on your other nipple. You are still wantonly grinding your hips in her lap, keening against her touch.

As your body continues to relax, your brain slowly shutting off the noise and entering that cozy, listful, lustful subspace headspace, your hands claw at your girlfriends’ shirt and pull it off of her during a brief moment when her lips aren’t attached to your body. The moment her skin is exposed, you bring yourself vertical and then over, pressing your breasts into hers, enjoying the soft and supple squeezes from your body weight onto Shoko. You reach in to grasp the sides of your shared mass of tits, squeezing and pushing them together.

You are in a daze, skin on fire, as you are drunk from your beer and the lust spreading through your veins. You always knew you were bisexual, although you couldn’t put a fine point on it until you met Shoko while at your lab’s new grad student orientation 3 and a half years ago. You moved across the country for grad school, knowing you’d need to start over again and find new (local) friends. You were taking in the space when you turned around and saw Shoko Ieri walk in the room, immediately disorienting you and a sudden warmth spreading into your center. You couldn’t look her in the eye for the entire first month.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Shoko brings you out of your daze as she wraps her hand around the back of your neck. “Want to start with that new toy I picked up recently?”

“O-oh, yeah, I haven’t tried something like that before!” You start to untangle yourself from Shoko and roll off the couch. You’re chased by Shoko into the bedroom as she reaches out to pinch at your sweatpants-covered ass, you making sure she can still catch you. There’s fun in the chase, but so is there in getting caught. You leap at the bed, spin around and sit on your legs patiently while Shoko disappears into her closet. She returns quickly, now in nothing but a lace thong and brandishing a modest, slightly curved silicone dildo in her hands, twirling her hair with her other hand. You bounce a bit in anticipation, soft tits still jiggling as you stop moving. You move to remove your sweatpants, but are cut off.

“Ah ah ah, hands off. Why are you trying to deny me the fun? I said we are going to continue from yesterday. Which means it’s my turn to return the favor.”

“We don’t need to keep a running tally for equitability sake!” you whine, sticking your lip out in an over-exaggerated pout.

“You’re right, but since this is celebrating us putting some structure and a title to” she waves her hand between the two of you “this, I want to finish what you started. Now, lay back, please.” You settle on the duvet, heart racing, feeling giddy. Last night you off-handedly said ‘I love you’ over dinner at home. It came out of nowhere, but you were just chatting and catching up from the day over a bowl of spaghetti, and it just fell out of your mouth while Shoko nearly choked mid-slurp.

Shoko sets the toy down on the bed and climbs up the bed, caging you in. As she reaches your middle, she sits back on her heels and tugs at your pants. She loved how you always returned to your own apartment or hers and would immediately change into comfortable room wear, shedding the stuffy denim and wired bras for soft cottons and gentle elastics. Pulling your hair back to keep it out of your face, it certainly made easier to grab in the heat of sex and teasing. After she removed your pants and panties, reveling at your exposed frame, Shoko admired your neatly trimmed hair framing your glistening pussy. “Mine.”

Soft kisses with small nibbles sprinkled in begin to chase up the inside of your legs, feet planted on the bed. As the kisses intensify, your knees fall further apart. Your hands come up to your hair as you lace your fingers through to ground yourself. Gently, two fingers spread your folds open and you let out a small gasp. “Mmm I just love to tease your pussy.” One slender finger slides in, your soft walls pulling it in deeper until your girlfriend’s middle finger is sheathed up to the knuckle. She flips her palm upwards and curls the finger inside of you while bringing her thumb to rest on your hardening clitoris. Your hips begin to buck at the movements, moans increasing. Slowly sliding her finger out, pressure still on your clit, Shoko adds a second finger and begins to rub circles with her thumb and thrusting her fingers in and out. She looks up from her ministrations to watch your face go through a million small emotions in pleasure. “That’s it, love. Let me hear you, don’t hold back.” You unwind on her hand, fluttering around her fingers, riding out your high with loud moans and grinding hips.

As you come back down, Shoko reaches over to the toy, aligning the flat, angled tip with your hole, pulling out her fingers. “Ready?” she whispers, but with an edge of gravel on her voice. She also grabs a small remote that you didn’t initially see and reaches up to place it in your hands. “I also got a treat for you. Feel free to press the buttons as you want and see what happens”

Slowly, Shoko presses the toy into your soaked pussy, as the tip disappears in, she turns it on to the lowest vibration setting. You give a sharp inhale as you push your head back further into the pillows. You recollect yourself as the toy makes its way further into you, and bring your hand up to see what this remote is. Just two buttons, marked by a plus and minus sign. You touch the plus button and suddenly a sultry and surprised “Ahhh mmmmm” Shoko whines from between your legs. Her progress to slide in the toy momentarily halted as she adjusted to the vibrating inside of her. She regains composure as she seats the toy fully inside you and rotates it around until you slam your eyes shut and cry out in pure pleasure. “Ah ha, found it. So hot.” Shoko bought a g-spot vibrator and adjusted it till she found the right spot inside of you.

Squirming somewhat, Shoko slowly moves the vibrator around, placing her free hand on your abdomen with pressure against you. Your hips begin to gyrate and roll with increased intensity every time the head of the toy makes contact with the spongy sensitive bundle of nerves inside your walls. “Sho—Shooookoooo ple- FUCK please~” you preen and attempt to stammer out some words. You increase the intensity on the remote.

“Ye-s, l-ove? You’re doing so, so, hnf, well, better than the fantasies I had all day of this- of this mooooment.” Shoko showers you with praise, stuttered by her own building pleasure, knowing exactly what is to come next.

“Ahhh, Sho—Shoko, I’m-com-” You attempt to tell her what you’re feeling as the pressure in your abdomen has reached a fever pitch, ready to incinerate you at the lightest touch. Shoko steadies the vibrator right on the nerves and brings her thumb up to apply pressure to your clit and lowers her body to get closer to your core. “Give it all to me.” At that moment you scream obscenities as your body releases the built-up pressure and you squirt directly into Shoko’s waiting mouth. Helping you ride out your pleasure pushed Shoko over the edge, too, as she rolls her hips along with the waves of her own orgasm. As your body begins to slow it’s movements, she turns off the vibrator and removes it from you. She also reaches down to her own bullet vibrator and removes it, still shaking as you’re too high on your own pleasure to find the remote.

Shoko sits up and wipes your slick from her face, reaching a hand up to you to clean off. “Good girl.” You whimper at the affirmation, pulling on her wrist to bring her up to you, her body draped on yours. When you finish lapping up the wetness on her hand, you twist your head over and your mouths meet in lazy but passionate kissing. Tongues lazily exploring each other, gratitude shared between the two of you.

“Shower?” You nod, slowly rolling yourself over, legs finding the ground albeit a bit shakily. Shoko steps out ahead, sliding into the en suite ahead of you to warm up the shower and grab towels. You stand in front of the mirror admiring your body, re-adjusting your hair and pulling the strays that have fallen out back up. You step in to the shower, bottoms of your feet chilled on the hard tile floor, but skin warmed by the scaldingly hot shower.

“Ahhhh, perfect” You reach out to rest your hands on Shoko’s waist as you both take a moment to relax in the warmth of each other and the water.

“Yeah, you are, love.” You giggle at the admiration. Shoko’s hands come up to gently massage your breasts, lightly pinching your nipples. She closes the gap between you and nudges her leg in between yours, rubbing her thigh against your sensitive folds. You let out a soft moan, feeling sensitive and on-edge already, after just a moment. “I’m not done with you yet.”

You continue to grind on her thigh as she holds pressure against your heat. Your hands slide up to Shoko’s chin, cupping her face and you dive in for a kiss. Your lips are urgent and needy as you moan into her mouth, biting her lips with every wave of building pressure. After several minutes, Shoko breaks the kiss, pulling away and you whine as her leg also pulls back. She begins kissing down the column of your neck, down the center of your clevage, past your navel, sinking to her knees to worship at your altar.

Wordlessly, Shoko nudges your legs further apart, guiding you so you are now leaning against the cold wall of the shower. Placing her hands on the front of your thighs, she slides them up to your folds and with her thumbs, spreads your pussy open, exposing your wet core to the warm shower air. She leans in to take a soft lick, savoring the first taste. You lean back on the wall for support, hands threading through Shoko’s hair.

“God you taste amazing. I can’t get enough of you.” Shoko uses her nose to rub against your oversensitive clit, reaching her tongue inside your sensitive cunt, applying light suction as she goes. Drinking up every drop your body offers, you can feel her moans reaching deep within you. Moving between deep licks inside your pussy to abusing your clit with the tip and flat of her tongue, you can feel the coil again twisting inside of you. With your moans completely unrestrained, you use your grip on her head to keep her pinned against your center.

“Baby, love, god” Shoko praises you at each short breath she takes. You don’t even have a moment to tell her as suddenly the coil snaps and you silently scream as she eagerly accepts the orgasm she pulled from your body. Her hands wrapping around your hips, holding you close as you buck against her touch. Once you have stopped moving so harshly, she stands up and your lips crash together one more time, you licking your wetness off her face, her embracing and holding you.

“I’ve never felt so relaxed with someone, Sho. You’re my best friend, my love, I can’t see a future without you.” Your mouth is moving faster than your brain, letting your admissions tumble out. A common occurrence for you recently. Shoko just smiles and you wash each other clean, taking time to massage tender areas, and scrub the rough ones. After you step out of the shower, you both go through your nightly skin care and pre-bed routines. Passing products between each other, prepping and moving as one practiced unit.

Now laying in bed, you are in the crook of your girlfriends’ arm while you both scroll on your phones. Eventually putting them down and rolling into a more comfortable sleeping position (as cute as cuddling is, you both know that it’s not comfortable for sleeping all night. No one likes numb limbs!). You both drift off to sleep, feeling happy and content with each other.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk smut #shoko smut #shoko ieiri #jjk shoko #shoko x reader #shoko x you #bisexual #jen の writing #jen の stories #“classmates”

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luvyeni · 1 year ago

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MY SHY NEIGHBOR ( chapter. 11 )

— CHAPTER ELEVEN: locked out …

— 𖦹 warnings? language

previous chapter - next chapter - my shy neighbor masterlist

“Oh my god, thank you so much.” jeongin opened the door to his apartment, letting you in. “you are a life saver.” he nodded. “you can take your shoes off while you wait, and sit on the couch.” you thanked him again, taking your heels off, sitting on the couch.

“i can’t believe i left my keys.” you said, “i can be so dumb sometimes.” you said. jeongin made his way into the kitchen, he seemed fine on the outside, but on the inside he was freaking out, you were literally sitting on his couch in his apartment — if seungmin was here he’d say go sit down next to her.

“jeongin?” you called from the livingroom, he grabbed two waters, making his way back into the livingroom where you waited. “you okay.” you took notice of his red face. “ah you’re probably still a little tipsy.” you chuckled. “y-yeah.” he stuttered, handed you a water bottle.

“never drink with lily, she will always out drink you.” he smiled lightly. “th-thank y-you for inviting me.” he said, “i don’t normally go out much.” you smiled, he was cute — you could tell he was a little nervous, his leg shook and his hands were a little shaky as he drunk the water.

“you don’t have to be so shy you know?” he looked at you. “i’m not gonna bite.” he sighed. “i-i’m sorry.” you shook your head. “don’t apologize you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s okay if you’re shy, it’s just that you don’t have to be like that with me.” you explained. “i want to be friends with you.”

you placed your hand on his knee. “m-me?” you nodded. “you seem so fun to be around, you, tonight was the most you’ve talked to me since i’ve moved here, it’s nice.” he smiled. “it’s nice talking to you too.” he said.

“yeah, and you haven’t turned and faces the corner yet.” you smirked, his ears were red. “y-you had to bring that up?” you laughed. “of i did, because why did you do that, i saw you already.”

your phone rang, you picked it up and lily’s voice rang through, “we’re here, come ring us up, hurry sungchan is about to throw up all over me — if you i’ll murder you i swear i don’t. care how drunk you are.” the phone clicked off, signaling she hung up. “y-you have to go?” you nodded. “my friends are here.” you said.

you grabbed your things, sliding your shoes back on. “w-well it was nice hang out with you and your friends.” he said. “i had a fun time.” you smiled. “i’m glad you did.” you said. “maybe we can do it again.” you said, your phone once again blowing up. “okay, i better go.” you opened the door, heading out.

“bye.” he said just as you shut the door, he sighed, he wanted you to come back, he wish he’d talk more. he replayed the the conversation in his head, going over everything he could’ve said but didn’t.

he was so busy in his mind he didn’t hear seungmin coming in. “hey dumbass i’m talking.” he turned to the boy. “did yn just come out of this apartment?” jeongin nodded. “yeah.”

“why?” his eyes widen, “did you- no!” seungmin frowned. “of you didn’t, i forgot who i was talking to.” he sighed disappointedly. “you did at least talk to her right? not hide in a corner.”

“will everyone stop bringing that up!” he said. “and yes i did talk to her, no we didn’t do anything else, she left her key and wanted to wait inside for her friends.” he explained. “is my answer to your satisfaction?”

“still should’ve made a move.” he groaned getting up. “i’m going to bed.” he made his way to his room, closing his door for the night.

— ( taglist. CLOSED ) @soulsbbg @k-poplv @yourmomscuntis2tighy @bbokarimenu @enczen @queen-in-the-shadows @thesweetesttattoo @ririlinoriri @aloverga @ashiitex @ddazed-lhs @heartsforhyunjin @chlodavids @simp4myself @surefornext @lostwonderwall @xxr-s4sha @charmer-c @vixensss @frobin4ever @bmnyy @semi-semiisbae @m111nho @i2innie @aalexyuuuhm @iraa567 @cheshireshiya @ihrtlix @abbiestearsricochet @niaalove @skzswife @babrieeee @thisisnotjacinta @luvskai @ikeusol @costalmaine @whos-kkira @minhosprettywife @hey-hey-heybitch @jeongins-version @denisaandreea20 @lovesunshinefelix @222brainrot @thatgirlkay @ss3oung @number1jeonginstan @whitney190 @jongseongsluvr @chesemonky @worcesheshestershiresauce @puppy-minnie @prettygirlsstanskz @hanniemylovelyquokka

©LUVYENI

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hookhausenschips · 2 months ago

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Ghosts From The Past

Chapter 4 to The Game of Seduction

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Summary: Y/N’s carefully constructed new life is shattered when a ruthless figure from her past tracks her down, forcing her to confront the chaos she thought she’d left behind. As violence erupts and secrets threaten to unravel, she must fight to protect herself while navigating the tangled loyalties of her undercover mission.

WC: 2.6k

Warnings: Violence, Physical Abuse (not from Lando), Stalking, Threatening Behavior, Themes of Trauma, Unresolved Past Conflicts, Power Imbalance, Control, Emotional Vulnerability, Physical Vulnerability, General Mature Themes

Taglist

17+

• you DO NOT have my permission to copy my work, upload as your own, translate, or repost on any other website •

My heart stopped when I saw who it was.

No. It can’t be him.

For a moment, I stood frozen behind the door, my mind racing. The face on the other side of the peephole was one I’d worked hard to bury in the recesses of my past, someone who wasn’t supposed to be here—who wasn’t supposed to know where I was.

What are you doing here?

The knock came again, sharper this time.

“Y/N,” the voice called, muffled by the door but unmistakable. “I know you’re in there. Open up.”

The pounding on my door grew louder, each knock echoing through my apartment and settling in my chest like the ticking of a bomb.

“Y/N,” his voice called, that unmistakable drawl slithering under the door. It wasn’t loud, but it carried menace, cutting through the walls and settling into my bones. “You’ve got five seconds, or I’m coming in.”

No, I thought, my breathing ragged as I pressed my back against the wall. Not him. Not now.

He was a ghost I thought I’d left behind, buried in the Caribbean along with all the other pieces of my past. He wasn’t someone you just ignored. He was ruthless, cunning, and he never played fair.

He didn’t need to shout or threaten with bravado. He didn’t make empty promises.

The knocks grew into a fist pounding against the wood, the door rattling under his strength. “You know I’ll find you, girl. You really think a flimsy lock is going to stop me?”

I moved quickly, silently, grabbing my phone and shoving it into my back pocket. I didn’t have time to call anyone, and honestly, who could I call? Lando? He’d have too many questions, and this new presence would blow my cover sky-high.

No, I was on my own.

The door wasn’t going to hold.

I could hear him on the other side, his fists hammering against the wood with relentless force. Each blow sent tremors through the frame, the sound vibrating in my chest.

“Y/N!” His voice cut through the door like a knife. “You think you can ignore me? Open the damn door before I break it down!”

I didn’t move. My back pressed against the wall, my hand gripping the knife I’d taken from the kitchen. My mind raced through options, every escape route feeling too slow, too risky.

Another crash. The doorframe splintered.

“Last chance, girl!” His voice bellowed.

Then came the final blow. The door slammed open, the lock and hinges giving way under his strength. He stepped into the apartment, his towering frame filling the doorway like a storm cloud. His eyes locked on me instantly, dark and gleaming with cruel amusement.

“There you are,” he said, his lips curling into a smirk.

My stomach twisted as I took him in. Malik.

I hadn’t seen him in years, not since I left the Caribbean. He was a ghost from a life I’d buried, someone who thrived on chaos and control. And now, he was here, his towering frame and predatory smirk filling the narrow alley.

“What do you want, Malik?” I hissed, my voice low and sharp.

He chuckled, the sound grating against my nerves. “What do I always want? You owe me, and I’ve come to collect.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

His smirk faded, replaced by a cold, menacing glare. “Oh, you owe me plenty. You think you can walk away from what you did? From me?”

I didn’t wait for him to finish. With a sharp motion, I drew the knife from my waistband, lunging at him before he could react.

---

Y/N didn’t wait for him to move. She lunged first, her knife flashing in the dim light. Malik anticipated the attack, sidestepping her with ease and grabbing her wrist.

“Still so predictable,” he sneered, twisting her arm until she cried out in pain. The knife clattered to the floor, but Y/N didn’t hesitate. She spun, her free hand slamming into his jaw with enough force to snap his head to the side.

Malik stumbled but recovered quickly, his grin widening. “Feisty as ever.”

He lunged, his hands grabbing her shoulders and slamming her into the nearest wall. The impact knocked the air from her lungs, but she didn’t stop. She drove her knee into his stomach, the blow forcing him to loosen his grip.

Y/N scrambled away, grabbing a lamp from the side table and swinging it with all her strength. The base caught Malik across the head, shattering on impact and sending him staggering.

“You’ve gotten better,” he growled, his voice low and dangerous. “But not good enough.”

He advanced again, and this time, his hand struck her across the face. The force sent her sprawling to the floor, her vision swimming. Pain radiated from her cheek, but she bit back a groan, crawling toward the open window.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Malik taunted, grabbing at her ankle.

With a desperate kick, Y/N broke free, scrambling onto the fire escape.

Y/N descended the fire escape as fast as her body would allow, her breaths ragged and uneven. Her left arm throbbed from where Malik had grabbed her, the pain sharp and persistent.

But she didn’t have time to focus on it.

The sound of metal creaking above her told her Malik wasn’t far behind. She glanced up, her heart pounding as she saw him climbing down after her, his expression twisted with fury. Every creak and scrape made her flinch, her mind racing with the possibilities of what Malik would do if he caught her.

“You’re not getting away that easily!” he shouted, his voice echoing in the narrow alley.

Y/N hit the ground running, but her body wasn’t cooperating. The pain in her arm had spread to her shoulder, each movement sending shocks through her system. Her lip was split, the metallic taste of blood coating her tongue.

“You can’t run, Y/N!” Malik’s voice rang out, followed by the unmistakable sound of boots hitting the pavement.

She spun, gripping the knife tightly in her hand, her eyes locking on the figure emerging from the darkness. Malik was taller than she remembered, his broad shoulders and predatory smirk unchanged. His caramel skin glistened under the streetlights, and his dark eyes gleamed with amusement.

“There you are,” he said, his voice low and mocking. “Missed me?”

---

“I didn’t miss you then,” I spat, holding the knife steady, “and I sure as hell don’t miss you now.”

Malik’s smirk widened. “Come on, Y/N. You don’t mean that. We were good together, you and me. Remember?”

The memory of what he meant by “good” sent a shiver of disgust down my spine. Malik was everything I’d fought to leave behind—manipulative, violent, and always convinced he owned me.

“I don’t have time for your games, Malik,” I said, my voice sharp. “Get out of my way.”

He took a step closer, his hands raised as if to placate me, though the glint in his eye suggested otherwise. “You’ve got fire, I’ll give you that. But you know how this ends. Drop the knife, and we can talk.”

I scoffed, keeping the blade steady. “I don’t talk to snakes.”

His smirk vanished, replaced by a flash of anger. “Fine. Have it your way.”

Malik lunged, faster than I anticipated. I sidestepped, swinging the knife in a wide arc. The blade grazed his arm, cutting through his sleeve, but it wasn’t enough to stop him. He grabbed my wrist, twisting it with brutal force until the knife clattered to the ground.

I retaliated immediately, driving my knee into his stomach. He grunted, stumbling back, but recovered quickly, his hand shooting out to grab me by the hair.

“You always were a fighter,” he snarled, his grip tightening.

“And you always were an asshole,” I snapped, twisting out of his grasp and landing an elbow to his jaw.

The impact sent him reeling, but not for long. He recovered with a growl, his fists swinging toward me. I ducked, my instincts sharp, but he was relentless.

We grappled, the fight messy and vicious, neither of us willing to back down. Malik’s strength was formidable, but I wasn’t just fighting to win. I was fighting to survive.

I didn’t have the knife anymore, but I didn’t need it.

When Malik lunged, I dodged, my instincts kicking in. My injured arm screamed in protest as I swung my good hand, catching him across the face. He staggered but didn’t fall.

“You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that,” he growled, wiping blood from his mouth. “But guts won’t save you.”

He came at me again, his fist slamming into my ribs. Pain exploded through my side, but I didn’t let him see me falter. I aimed for his knee, kicking with all the force I could muster. He grunted, stumbling back, but his strength was relentless.

Just as he grabbed for me again, a voice cut through the chaos.

“Hey! Get off her!”

---

I had been following Y/N since she left the McLaren estate, just as Lando instructed. Y/N was sharp—too sharp for her own good—and I knew she’d catch me if I got too close. But tonight, something felt different.

When she slipped out of her apartment onto the fire escape, my gut told me to keep my distance and stay quiet. But when I saw her sprint down the alley, her movements frantic, I knew something was wrong.

I kept to the shadows, my hand resting on the gun tucked beneath my jacket as I tracked her.

When I heard the sounds of a fight—her voice sharp with anger, a man’s growl of frustration—I didn’t hesitate.

“Hey!” I shouted, stepping out from the shadows, my gun drawn.

---

Malik froze, his fist mid-swing as he turned toward the sound of Oscar’s voice.

“Let her go,” Oscar commanded, his voice calm but firm, the barrel of his gun aimed directly at Malik.

Malik sneered, his grip on Y/N loosening just enough for her to shove him back. She stumbled slightly, catching her breath as she backed away.

“Who the hell are you?” Malik demanded, his eyes narrowing as he sized up the new threat.

“I’m the guy who’s going to put a bullet in you if you don’t walk away,” Oscar replied, his tone as cold as steel.

He hesitated, his fists clenching at his sides. I could see the calculation in his eyes, the way he was weighing his chances.

“Don’t be stupid,” I warned, my voice steady.

After a tense moment, he raised his hands in mock surrender, stepping back from Y/N. “Fine,” he said, smirking. “I’ll let you have her—for now.”

He turned and disappeared into the shadows, leaving me alone with her.

---

Y/N leaned against the wall, her breaths shallow and uneven. Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth, and her arm hung limply at her side.

Oscar holstered his gun and moved toward her, his expression a mix of concern and frustration. “What the hell happened?”

She glared at him, her voice sharp despite her exhaustion. “I had it under control.”

“Yeah, sure you did,” he said, rolling his eyes. “That’s why you’re bleeding.”

She didn’t respond, too focused on keeping herself upright.

Oscar sighed, pulling out his phone. “I’m calling Lando.”

Her eyes widened. “Don’t.”

“Too late,” he said, dialing the number and holding the phone to his ear.

---

My chest heaved as I watched Malik retreat, the tension in my body refusing to dissipate. I turned to Oscar, my voice sharp and unsteady. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He didn’t lower the gun, his eyes still scanning the shadows. “Following orders.”

“Orders?” I snapped, the adrenaline fueling my anger. “Since when does Lando send you to babysit me?”

“Since he decided you might need it,” Oscar shot back, finally holstering the gun. “And judging by what just happened, he was right.”

I glared at him, frustration bubbling over. “I didn’t need your help.”

He raised a brow, his expression flat. “You’re welcome.”

For a moment, we stood in tense silence, the weight of what had just happened settling over us. Finally, Oscar spoke again, his tone softer but still probing. “Who was that guy?”

“No one you need to worry about,” I said quickly, brushing past him.

He caught my arm, his grip firm but not unkind. “Y/N. Who was he?”

I pulled away, my voice icy. “Just a piece of my past. And that’s where he’ll stay.”

Without waiting for his response, I walked away, ignoring the throbbing pain in my arm and ribs.

---

The buzz of my phone pulled me from my thoughts. Seeing Oscar’s name on the screen, I picked up immediately.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my tone sharp.

“You’re not going to like this,” Oscar said, his voice tight.

My chest tightened. “Spit it out.”

“I followed Y/N home, like you told me,” he said. “Some guy broke into her apartment. They fought. She’s hurt.”

“Where are you now?” I demanded, already grabbing my keys.

“In an alley. The guy ran off, but—”

“I’m on my way,” I cut him off, ending the call.

As I headed for the car, one thought burned in my mind.

Whoever hurt her was going to pay.

---

Minutes later, Lando arrived at her apartment.

The apartment was worse than Oscar had described.

The front door hung awkwardly on its hinges, the lock completely shattered. Furniture was overturned, the walls scuffed and dented, and broken glass littered the floor.

Lando stepped inside, his expression unreadable as he took in the destruction. Oscar stayed at the door, his hand resting on the gun tucked into his jacket.

“Where is she?” Lando asked, his voice low.

“In the kitchen,” Oscar replied.

Lando made his way through the wreckage, the tension in his shoulders growing with every step. When he reached the kitchen, he found Y/N sitting at the table, her head bowed as she cradled her injured arm.

“You’re hurt,” he said, his voice softer than she expected.

She looked up, her expression guarded. “I’ve had worse.”

Lando’s jaw tightened as he stepped closer. “Who did this?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, her tone clipped.

“It does if they come back,” he said, his eyes locking onto hers. “Tell me who it was.”

Y/N shook her head, her lips pressing into a thin line. “I can handle it.”

Lando’s eyes darkened, his frustration evident. “You don’t get to make that call. Not when you’re bleeding and your apartment looks like a war zone.”

“I don’t need your help, Lando,” she said, her voice rising.

He leaned down, his face inches from hers. “You might not need it, but you’re getting it. This isn’t a request, Y/N. You’re coming with me.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke, the air between them heavy with tension. Finally, Y/N stood, her movements slow and pained.

Finally, Lando turned to Oscar. “Find out who he is. I don’t care what it takes.”

Oscar nodded, his expression grim.

As Lando turned back to Y/N, his voice softened, though the intensity in his eyes remained. “You’re coming with me.”

She frowned. “I don’t need—”

“That wasn’t a request,” he said firmly.

“Fine,” she said, her voice quiet but defiant. “But don’t think this changes anything.”

Lando didn’t respond. As he led her out of the apartment, his mind was already racing with plans.

Whoever had done this was going to pay.

For once, Y/N didn’t argue. As she followed him to the car, one thought lingered in her mind.

This changes everything.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Series Taglist: @laptime-deleted, @planet-faerie

LN4 Taglist: @esserenorris, @tallrock35, @yourbane, @lightdragonrayne, @really-fucking-tired, @evie-119, @ilivbullyingjeongin, @ggaslyp1, @icecoldtires, @cmleitora, @cheyennep3107, @d3kstar, @fadingcloudballoon-blog, @same1995, @hinamesgigantica, @laptime-deleted, @planet-faerie

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naughtyneganjdm · 3 months ago

Text

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 4

Summary: With the help of Rosita, Y/N tries to prepare for her date with Negan. A few complications arise and some hurtful memories from the past come back to haunt her with both Joel and Negan.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Rosita, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/154945717

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, Smut, Public Play, Loads of Angst, Dirty Talking, Heavy Touching, etc.

Notes: My first chapter with both the boys in it! I hope you enjoy. Thanks to those that do read the story!

“Honey, you can’t be serious when you say that you had sex with Joel again, right?” Rosita blurt out from where she was in the sitting area of Y/N’s bedroom. Sitting on the couch with Coco in her arms, Rosita was waiting on Y/N who had disappeared into her walk-in closet in attempts to find something to wear tonight for her dinner with Negan. They had been talking about what happened the other night with Joel. What they did, the things he said to her afterwards. And considering Rosita had been part of her life since college? Rosita pretty much knew most things about their relationship. Y/N was trying to be vague about the sex part since Coco was still a baby. So when Rosita ended up being so blunt, she was surprised by it and backstepped to stare out at her best friend. Both confusion and amusement flooded her features while Rosita played with Coco. Noticing the way that Y/N was staring out at her had Rosita shrugging dramatically. It was clear that Y/N didn’t want to be talking about sex in front of the baby, but Rosita really didn’t care. “She’s not even one yet. We’re fine.”

Even so, it didn’t seem like the smartest idea for them to openly talk about sex in front of Rosita’s toddler. Heading back into the closet, Y/N heard Rosita huffing all the way from inside of it, “How does that man continue to get you to have sex with him whenever he wants it?”

“He knows I love him?” Y/N countered being loud enough for Rosita to hear. It had been two days since it happened. That night, she watched a movie with Joel and the children. Multiple times during the night Joel had tried to open the door for more, but she denied him every time. After the movie, she was originally going to grab some pillows and a blanket for Joel to sleep on the couch, but Peter suggested Joel sleep in his bedroom with him instead. It was sweet that their thirteen-year-old still love Joel so much. During the night she had gone to check in on them to see that Peter was laid out across Joel sleeping which made her swoon. That was the hardest part about things with Joel. The children loved him, and they loved him a lot. That was something she actually liked because she was proud that Joel remained present in their lives. Having her children love him that much was a good thing, but that part of Joel consistently made her fall in love with him over and over again. Loving Joel Miller was hard because there were parts of him that were so good and there were parts of him that broke her heart. It always confused the feelings she had for Joel. Truthfully? She just knew that the most appealing thing about Joel for her was that he was a good father. “We were married thirteen years. He knows how to get me.”

Considering everything with her relationship with Joel, Y/N moved to the door again to lock eyes with Rosita, “Plus, Rosita I’m not lying to you when I tell you that Joel is good at sex.”

“But how do you know that?” Rosita doubted that statement, her dark eyes growing big. Somehow she refused to believe that Y/N understood what good sex was. “Joel is the only man you’ve ever had sex with. He could be terrible at sex and you would never know because you’ve never slept with anyone else.”

Coco was staring out at Y/N with her big brown eyes and it was hard to really gather words because she didn’t want to go completely dirty in front of Rosita’s daughter, “Because he makes me feel…really…really…good during those moments. Multiple times.”

“You can say that he makes you come a lot. She’s not going to understand what you are saying when you are talking about orgasming,” Rosita promised, bouncing Coco on her leg. Hearing Coco laugh out made Y/N smile, but even with Rosita promising it was okay, she didn’t feel comfortable going into extensive details. Back when Peter and Elizabeth were younger, she was always super careful with them as well. “She’s a baby, you don’t have to be so nervous saying things in front of her.”

“I’m just trying to be respectful. You’d be surprised how quickly the children picked up on swear words when one of us would accidentally say them,” Y/N recalled what things were like when her children were younger. “What I was trying to suggest was if Joel was bad at sex, I wouldn’t feel as much pleasure as I do when we’re together during those moments.”

“Well fine then. Joel is good at sex. I get it, but you need to toughen the fuck up,” Rosita scowled eliciting a tiny laugh from Y/N. It made her face go hot before she stepped back into her closet to start going through her clothes again. She didn’t know where to start with what she should wear tonight. It felt like she was drowning in her things. It had been a while since she tried to dress up to impress someone. “I’m surprised he only got you to have sex with him that one time. Usually he can convince you into a few more. At least you stood up for yourself this time. I don’t know what the fuck he was thinking. Who tells a woman that is still in love with you that if you had sex that way during your marriage the two of you might still be married instead of divorced? That’s such a dick move.”

“Well, he was never really good with his words,” Y/N acknowledged, coming out of the closet holding up a bright red dress in front of her that had Rosita wrinkling her nose. Realizing that Rosita didn’t like it, Y/N headed back into the closet to search for something else. That was honestly always the case about Joel though. Even when he was the popular jock in the past, he was very shy and quiet. Talking was never one of his talents. She was just charmed by his cute southern drawl and his big brown eyes. “I was so drawn to him from the moment he moved to town when we were little kids.”

“How did he even get you to date him?” Rosita wondered with Y/N moving into the doorway to show her another dress which had Rosita shaking her head again. A loud sigh fell from her lips when Y/N headed back into the closet.

“We were always friends, but he really never showed interest in me like that for a long time,” Y/N thought back on her relationship with Joel. “I was at this party with another friend. I was sitting alone, Joel came over and told me how beautiful I looked that night. And then he kissed me. I was pretty much hooked after.”

“Which means you slept with him that night,” Rosita scoffed from where she was sitting thinking about the Joel that Rosita knew about now. Again, Y/N came out with a dress and Rosita shook her head. Standing up, Rosita grabbed the dress with her free hand, handed Coco off to Y/N who scrambled to keep the baby in her arms, but then managed as Rosita walked into her closet. “Losing your virginity at a party sounds real romantic.”

“It wasn’t at the party. I mean we made out a little bit there. He offered to walk me home, but instead we ended up at his house. We snuck into his bedroom through the window and we had sex. Yeah, it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t that bad for a first time. Joel definitely got better through the years. But you have to understand he’s…” Y/N looked to Coco that was in her arms, staring up at her as she spoke. “Joel isn’t…small. So it was going to be uncomfortable regardless since it was my first time.”

“Did he know it was your first time?” Rosita pushed through the clothes, stopping to look back at Y/N. Giving a nod, Rosita sighed and shook her head. “I see.”

“You have to understand, Joel was the boy I had been in love with most of my life. When he moved to town, I was immediately smitten with him. The crush was big. So when he finally started to see me in that way? I fell fast,” she explained what it was like for her when she was a teenager getting Joel’s attention. “And then when I did have his attention, all the girls were jealous. Joel was the most popular boy in school. And he wanted me. We were inseparable after that moment.”

“Ah yes. The most popular boy in school effect,” Rosita scoffed under her breath while she pushed through Y/N’s clothes in attempts to find something for her to wear. “So you two lost your virginities to each other, or?”

“I don’t think I was Joel’s first,” Y/N admitted remembering that Joel already had everything in his bedroom that night. Having the baby’s eyes on her made her uncomfortable talking about her sex life. “I feel like there was someone else before me. He doesn’t talk about it much.”

“Probably more than one,” Rosita suggested, taking a break from looking through the clothes. “I do have a question though. Did Joel know that you had a crush on him?”

“I never hid it,” she was honest with her friend having Rosita tip her head to the side while folding her arms out in front of her chest. “Why?”

“What took him so long to feel the same way then? If you always had a crush on him, why did he wait until he was seventeen to make a move? Shouldn’t he have done it immediately? I mean boys start thinking about sex at a very young age,” Rosita stressed what she knew to be true about men. “You think he would have made it clear how he felt about you sooner.”

“We were just friends,” Y/N shrugged, not really sure of an answer to give since there was no good one. Joel never really explained to her what had him changing his mind about her. Maybe she should have asked. “I think around that time I started probably dressing better. I was sportier when I was younger. Then I started to grow into my boobs and started wearing things to bring attention to them.”

“Which brings me to my next thought…” Rosita rubbed her hands together, moving across the closet to grab a black dress. Pulling it out, Rosita held it out in front of her and offered up a big cheesy smile. “Oh honey! This is it!”

Taking a look at the dress had Y/N nervous when she realized how much of her would be revealed in it, “You’re going out on a date with a professional baseball player. You’re going to look smoking hot in this. You want to make a good impression. He’s famous for fuck’s sake. You just said your breasts were a good asset to focus on.”

“I’m not trying to say to him that I want him to have sex with me,” Y/N snickered realizing that they were having an abrupt change of conversation going from Joel to Negan. “Negan was my best friend before you showed up in my life. Where everyone else sees Negan Smith the baseball star, I see Negan Smith, the boy that used to sneak in through my window every night so we were always together.”

Dramatically, Rosita’s head bobbed about, “And you never had sex with him?”

“Well,” Y/N paused, her lips parting at the answer to that question. “You know I’ve only slept with Joel.”

“But there was a long pause there. What was that long pause?” Rosita was curious now, folding the dress over her arm now that she felt like she was getting to some of the good stuff. “That was way too long of a pause.”

“We never had sex,” Y/N was quick to correct Rosita thinking they had slept together. “We were really good friends that…well, we were close.”

“Vague,” Rosita frowned, disappointed that Y/N wasn’t elaborating on her relationship with Negan. “So, you’re telling me that you don’t find this guy sexy?”

“Now, I didn’t say that. He’s very good looking,” Y/N responded, a warmth flooding into her face at the idea of Negan. After she saw him again? She realized he was even sexier now than he was when they were younger. Rosita smirked, nodding her head to the dress again. “I don’t want to give him the wrong idea.”

“It’s not giving him the wrong idea by dressing in something hot,” Rosita fought back, putting emphasis on her words. “Either you impress him by showing off your gorgeous natural curves or what? What’s the worst that can happen here?”

There was nothing she could say. Maybe Rosita was right. She should wear something that made her feel confident and beautiful. And that dress would make her look good. Nodding her head, she finally agreed to wearing the dress and Rosita got excited.

“So, Joel never had a problem with the two of you being close?” Rosita brought back up their conversation, including Joel this time.

“After I got with Joel is when our friendship kind of went to shit,” Y/N admitted feeling an ache at the center of her chest. “Looking back on things? I probably spent way too much time with Joel. And that was my fault. Instead of being around him, I was spending every moment with Joel. The three of us were super close. I don’t know where things went wrong.”

“So, he was super important to you?” Rosita questioned with Y/N shifting the weight of Coco in her arms. “You don’t even have to answer that. I can see it in the way you talk about the guy. How you’re nervous. You want to look good for this guy. You want this to be special. So, put this on.”

Listening to her friend, Y/N nodded and was careful in handing Coco back to Rosita. Giving her some space, Rosita left the closet with Coco. Putting on the dress made her realize that this was a bold move. Putting something on like this that was sexy. It did bring attention to her body, but it had been a long time since she got to dress up and put emphasis on herself.

When she came out after putting on the dress, Rosita let out a whistle at the way she looked. It was form fitting to her body and it did bring a lot of attention to her breasts. Just like they predicted.

“That’s the winner,” Rosita promised her looking to the time. Stepping forward she pressed a kiss against Y/N’s cheek and nodded toward the door. “I have to get going, but make sure you send me a photo of what you look like before you go! You look fantastic already. I think this Negan guy will get a hard on just looking at you.”

“Oh stop,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the thought. “We’re just meeting up as friends from the past. That’s all.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rosita waved her hand about and shook her head. “You have a good time.”

After Rosita left, Y/N took a long time looking at herself in the mirror. Was this too much? Would it give the wrong idea to Negan? He told her that he would be picking her up tonight and didn’t really request her to dress a certain way. Maybe she was trying too hard and he would think the same. It was getting too close to the time he said he would pick her up, so she would just have to stick with it at this point. She finished her hair and make-up. Put on some of her nicer jewelry and perfume before heading downstairs.

All she had to do was grab her bag and her coat. Then she would be ready to go. Being early was a good thing. It meant she had less things to worry about.

Getting about halfway down the stairs, she heard the sound of something falling over in her kitchen. It made her movement come to a halt. Grasping tightly to the railing, she listened carefully. Shuffling continued making her realize that she wasn’t alone. Someone was in her home. And it couldn’t have been Rosita. She saw and heard her leave.

Being quiet in the way she moved, Y/N got down the stairs. Shadows were moving around from her kitchen. She wasn’t imagining things. In the distance she saw Elizabeth’s softball bat resting at the corner of the room. Heading that way, she grabbed a tight hold of it and moved for the kitchen. Panic was flooding her veins. Why the hell would someone break into her home of all places? The children were with Joel, so it couldn’t have been them.

Waiting for the movement to stop, she kept her back pressed up against the wall. When it seemed like the right time to attack, she moved into the kitchen with the baseball bat raised. Instead of attacking, she let out a frustrated sound when she was met with the familiar brown eyes. Sitting on the counter was Joel. In his hands he had a plate and he appeared to be eating a piece of one of the pies she had made earlier today. Joel had no response to her near attack, only a smirk tugged at his lips. Looking down at the bat, Joel took a slow bite of the pie and then looked back up again.

“What the fuck Joel!? You scared the shit out of me!” she snapped at him, squeezing her fingers tightly around the bat. Seeing him sitting there like that had her blood boiling. “I thought you were someone that broke into the home. I was ready to beat the shit out of you with this.”

“I can see that,” Joel snickered, forking another piece of pie into his mouth. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think you would mind.”

“Well you scared the hell out of me. So yeah,” she began, setting the baseball bat down and letting it rest against the wall. “I mind.”

“Sorry,” Joel simply said, his big, beautiful eyes seeming amused at her outburst. Swallowing down what he had in his mouth, Joel hummed. It seemed like only in that moment did he realize how she was dressed. Gazing upon her, Joel’s eyes grew wide and his chewing slowed down. “Fuck Y/N. You look amazing.”

“Joel!” her face grew hot with the way he was eating her alive with his stare. Regardless of his reaction, she was confused as to why he was here in the first place. Even then, he was so lost in appreciating the dress that Rosita had picked out for her to wear that she had to snap her fingers to get his attention. “How did you get in here? Where are the children?”

“The children are with their friends. I came over to pick up my jacket that I left here the other night,” Joel nodded over toward the kitchen table where his jacket was hanging over one of the back of the chairs. She waited for the answer to how he got in and it made him snicker before taking another bite of the pie. “I used to live here Y/N. I know where we hid the spare key.”

“The spare key is meant to be used for emergencies only,” she chastised Joel for just letting himself into her home, but he didn’t seem to give a shit about that aspect. Being mad at Joel was going to get her nowhere because it wasn’t going to change his actions. “Which pie did you grab?”

“There is more than this one?” Joel’s eyebrows perked up when he held it up to show that it was the eggnog pumpkin pie. “I just grabbed whatever was on the top shelf.”

“I did three others. A pecan, cinnamon apple and chocolate silk,” she explained causing Joel’s chocolate brown eyes to get wide when he took another big bite. “It helps me get through the day when I’m alone to bake. I like doing it. Plus, Peter hates pumpkin and pecan. So the apple and chocolate silk are for him.”

“God, I miss being here for the holidays,” Joel mused, setting his plate in the sink after he finished. Reaching for the milk he had already poured himself had her folding her arms out in front of her chest eyeing him over with frustration. “I really love your baking and your cooking. That was my favorite part about the holidays.”

“Clearly,” she noted watching him dramatically adjust his positioning on the counter while he stared out at her again with curiosity. More than anything right now she just wanted him to leave. “Joel? Are you done or…?”

“Why are you dressed so nice?” Joel’s eyes fell to her breasts when he slowly pulled himself down from the counter to step before her. And he wasn’t hiding it either. He was making it very obvious that he was looking. “Are you going out with your friends tonight? Or is there a party that I don’t know about?”

“Do you have to know everything I’m doing? Because it doesn’t matter,” she refused to tell him, getting a scoff to escape him.

“You look really beautiful,” Joel declared outstretching his hand to brush his fingers in over her jawline. With the sensation of his rough fingertips against her flesh it drew her eyes to a tight close. The warmth of his breath lingered over her lips and it drew a chill throughout her body. Fuck, why did he always have to affect her like this. “Who is this for?”

“I’m going on a date,” she admitted, forcing her eyes to open when she took one step back away from him remembering how things were the other day between them. Hearing that she was going on a date had a rush of jealousy flooding through Joel’s veins. “Someone asked me to go to dinner with them and I said yes.”

“Like a date? A date-date?” Joel repeated what she had said, his eyebrows furrowing when she gave a nod. Sure, it was more so two old friends agreeing to go out together one night, but he didn’t have to know that. “With whom?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she refused to tell him taking a few more steps back when his hands fell to his hips. It looked like he disapproved of the situation, but she didn’t care. “I need you to leave though because they should be here soon.”

“How come you never wore something like that for me?” Joel huffed, a muscle at the corner of his jaw flexing. Uncomfortably, she laughed finding herself shaking her head at that question.

“You never took me out on dates,” she reminded him with a frown, her posture changing completely. She went from having a sense of confidence coming down here only to feel the sadness flooding throughout her veins again with Joel looking her over.

“I took you out on dates,” Joel defended himself, his voice growing angrier when she rolled her eyes. Suddenly she felt very ridiculous wearing this and wished she would have picked something a little less revealing.

“It’s been in my closet for a long time Joel,” she stammered, refusing to look him in the eyes when they talked about their past again. “If you would have taken me out on a date, I would have worn it. Most of our time out was with the children. Toward the end of our relationship, you hated going nice places. So my nice clothes kind of just sat there.”

“The only time I remember you wearing any kind of dresses was when we went to the town Christmas party or our anniversaries,” Joel thought aloud, his head shaking when he looked her up and down. “And even at that, they weren’t dresses like that. You may have worn something like that at our last anniversary dinner, but trust me if you wore dresses like that more often…”

“We’d still be married?” she finished for him causing an infuriated sound to fall from his throat. There was that reminder of what he had said after they had sex the other night. “Yeah, I know.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Joel snarled, his face twisting in anger when she shook her head and doubted him.

“What were you going to say then?” she waited for him to say something, but she knew it would just be a lie. “It’s exactly what I said. If I would have been a little sluttier, we’d still be married and we’d have more children. I already heard you say it Joel. It’s like you completely forget how you acted toward the end of our marriage.”

“I know I’m not perfect,” Joel placed his hand in over the center of his chest. Right now he just wished she would drop the fight they had the other night. “I made so many mistakes. And I understand that. I wasn’t the best husband. I should have been more supportive. I should have treated you better. I hate the man I was, the man that I am. I don’t need you to tell me how awful I am when I already know.”

Loosening up, she felt her heart sinking over what he had said. That’s not how she wanted him to think about himself.

“I never said that,” she hated hearing him talking about himself like that. “I don’t think you’re awful, Joel. I think you’re a good person. I think you have a lot of heart and you are a good father. You’re a good brother. You just…you weren’t a good husband at the end of our marriage.”

“You got just as sick of me as I did you at the end,” Joel snarled noticing the way her eyes dropped down showing how much she already shut down with the two of them fighting. “For us to have a healthy relationship with our children, we both needed that break. I’ve come to realize that after these last few years.”

“Yeah,” she breathed out knowing that she didn’t want to fight with him about things. Years were spent feeling the exact way she was feeling right now and she didn’t want to feel that way anymore. “I’m sorry.”

Hearing her apologize had Joel’s facial features twisting in confusion. Going to speak, Joel’s lips parted, but he thought about it. Instead of speaking, he shifted on his feet and tipped his head to the side, “For what?”

“For everything,” she let out a defeated breath not knowing what to say to Joel anymore about things. “I’m sorry you didn’t get everything you wanted in life. I’m sorry you’re sad. And more than anything I’m sorry that life isn’t fair. It’s not. You lost your parents. Mine dropped me when I refused to get rid of Elizabeth. It was a lot and I’m sorry that life didn’t give you what you deserved. I wish I could have been the thing to make you happy, but that was never possible.”

“Y/N,” Joel let out a long exhale noticing that her eyes were damp when she shrugged her shoulders. Right now would have been a good time to say something. To make her feel better about the whole situation, but like always, he was at a loss of words.

A knock at the door was heard and Y/N felt her heart sinking. By this point she wanted Joel to be gone, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen. Shakily reaching up, she hoped that she didn’t cry too much because she didn’t want to mess up her make up.

“Can you just cancel the date?” Joel requested shocking her with how blunt he was. “I think the two of us deserve a night where we can talk things out. Actually talk. I don’t want things to be like this. I don’t. And I know you don’t either.”

“I can’t just cancel my date,” she shook her head wishing like hell she had changed the hiding spot for the spare key. “I’m sorry Joel, but whatever you want to talk about—it’s going to have to be for another day.”

Following her toward the living room, Joel wanted to know who was at the other side of the door. Watching her coach herself before opening the door had Joel frustrated. Shooting Joel a glare, she tried to somewhat hide him when she partially opened the door to greet who was there.

“Hey there,” Negan beamed with his deep, raspy voice filling the air. There was a big smile plastered over his features, drawing her attention to his charming dimples. A breath caught in her throat at the sight of Negan before her. He was wearing black slacks, a black button down and a black suit jacket. Never in her time knowing Negan when they were younger would he ever be caught wearing something like that so it surprised her to see. In his hands he had a bouquet of peonies and it made her smile. Stepping in closer to the light, Negan’s smile weakened and an empathetic expression flooded his features. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” she waved off his worries, impressed with how preceptive he was knowing that she was upset right now. No matter how much she tried to hide things from Negan in the past too he always knew how she was feeling. “I’m great.”

“You look beautiful,” Negan stated with another weak smile. A moment later the door was being ripped open surprising Negan with the swiftness. Irritation flooded Y/N’s body when she glared over at Joel who was clinging to the doorknob.

“Negan Smith. You’re going on a date with Negan?” Joel was visibly annoyed when he looked to Y/N with his jaw flexing. When she didn’t respond to Joel, Joel threw his hand up in the air drawing his attention back to Negan. Negan seemed unsure of how to react, giving an amused smirk with his eyes narrowing. “Isn’t there some kind of fucking celebrity Christmas party that you have to be at? What the fuck are you doing here Negan?”

“It’s nice to see you too after all these years Joel,” Negan breathed out, lowering the bouquet of flowers at his side. Sarcasm was layered thick in Negan’s words since he picked up on the fact that Joel was being rude immediately to him. “I’m home for Christmas to see my family.”

“First time in what…nineteen years?” Joel snapped at Negan hearing his hesitant laugh fill the air. Knowing that it was Negan Smith that Y/N was going out on a date with infuriated him. Every part of Joel was tense. There was a fire growing inside of his chest and he was furious. “You think that’s funny?”

“Yes and no,” Negan responded, tipping his head from side to side. “I often flew my mother out to wherever I was during Christmas. So, I may have not been here, but I was always with my family. I just decided this year I wanted to come home.”

“I see,” Joel was disgusted with the idea that it was Negan of all people that was the person she was going out with. Curling his fingers into a fist at his side, there was a vein that was bulging at the side of Joel’s neck showing just how angry he was. Both Y/N and Negan picked up on it, but Negan wasn’t acting on it.

“Excuse me for one second,” Y/N held her finger up, walking back into the house.

Silence surrounded Joel and Negan while they stood facing each other. Whistling out, Negan forced himself to look away toward the front window that was lit up brightly. Catching the set up made Negan grin. Moving toward the edge of the porch, Negan looked over the Christmas village that was displayed. Just seeing Negan standing there like this wasn’t a big deal made Joel want to erupt.

“She still collects this stuff, huh?” Negan pointed toward the window, his eyes narrowing when he tried to look through the fogged window to see what she had. “I bought her the first few that she had. I never realized that she would make such a big thing out of it.”

The sound of footsteps returning was heard causing both of them to look back into the house. Heading toward them with Joel’s jacket in her hand, she firmly shoved it against Joel’s chest causing him to grunt. Stumbling back, Joel couldn’t believe that she was this angry with him.

“Joel, you were just leaving,” she alerted Joel, her eyes locked with his hinting to him that she wanted him to leave. With a final shove, she looked to Negan and waved him forward. “Negan, would you please come in so I can grab my jacket?”

“Well, it was nice seeing you again, Joel,” Negan muttered, his head tipping enough to have a fire burning throughout Joel’s veins when Negan stepped around Joel to enter the house. Extending out the flowers, Negan nodded to them and let out a long sigh. “I got you these. I remembered they are your favorite.”

“Her favorite is roses,” Joel corrected Negan who looked over his shoulder as Y/N accepted the flowers. Embarrassment flooded her face when she let out a frustrated breath. Joel was trying to one up Negan in the moment. “Her favorite flower has always been a rose.”

“No, they aren’t,” Negan shook his head, turning on his heel with Y/N moving in beside him. “Sure, she likes roses. Everyone does. But her favorite flower growing up was always the peony. We had a lot of talks about it when we were younger.”

Looking to Y/N for confirmation, Joel could see that Y/N looked ashamed when she nodded her head letting him know that Negan was right, “That’s your favorite flower?”

“Yeah,” she admitted with her voice quiet. Part of her was swooning over the fact that Negan still remembered her favorite flowers after this long, but Joel being offended made things complicated. “I never felt the need to correct you because the roses were your thing.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad about it Joel. A lot of people confuse the peonies with roses,” Negan insisted, pushing his right hand into his pocket and holding his left out to reason with Joel. “It’s a common mistake a lot of people make.”

“Goodnight Joel,” Y/N stressed that she wanted Joel gone because this was already uncomfortable as it was. Giving her one of the most pathetic looks that he had in a very long time, Joel’s chocolate brown eyes hooked with hers. Nodding, Joel pulled his jacket on and back stepped toward the door. “It was nice seeing you.”

Things were quiet when the door closed leaving Negan to look over Y/N who gave him an apologetic look, “If you’re uncomfortable and you’d like me to leave, I can.”

“No, please,” she pled, reaching out to wrap her fingers around his arm. “It’s just Joel right now. That’s the way things are with us. Uncomfortable. It’s not you. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. I came down here and he let himself in which scared the hell out of me,” she let him know what was happening before looking down at the flowers. “Let me put these in some water before we leave and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“Sure thing,” Negan’s eyebrows bounced up as he balanced his weight on his heels. With a single nod, he stood by the door and did what she requested. It took a few moments to get the flowers in some water before she returned to the living room with her jacket. Now standing in front of her window looking at the Christmas village she had set up was Negan who appeared to be eying them over in depth. “These are awesome. They are so much cooler than the first few I got you.”

“I still have those,” she moved in beside Negan pointing each one of them out. Amazement flooded his features, with a big smile tugging at his lips. Stealing a quick look at her, Negan then returned his attention to look over the village and shook his head. “It’s probably my favorite thing that I have for Christmas.”

“You really like decorating, huh?” Negan noted standing up straight again. Leaving him alone meant he got a good look at her overabundance amount of decorating. Pushing his hands into his pockets, he seemed genuinely impressed.

“I overdo it, I know,” she tried to suggest, but he shook his head and chuckled. “I try to make Christmas as magical as possible for my children.”

“I love it,” Negan assured her, pointing toward the train that was circling the Christmas tree. “That’s something I would have loved to have when I was a kid. It’s really cool.”

“It was originally Joel’s idea,” she remembered, swallowing down hard. It was the first thing they bought during their first Christmas living together. It wasn’t much, but it was important to them back then.

“Being in here just makes me feel better,” Negan announced, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. “Lifts my spirits.”

“It usually does that with me too,” she motioned him to wait, knowing that she should probably turn everything off before they went. Once she was done, she returned to him and he seemed to be watching her with awe. “You ready?”

Outstretching his hand, Negan reached for her jacket and she was surprised to watch him holding it up for her to help her get her arms into it. Once she had it on, he smoothed his hands out over her shoulders and sighed loudly, “You look good.”

“Thank you,” she felt a warmth flooding throughout her body with how chivalrous Negan was being. Turning to face him, she felt a breath catch in her throat staring up at him. It really was surprising just how good-looking Negan was. He was cute when they were younger, but now he had really grown into his features. It took her breath away just getting a look at him. The facial hair did wonders for him and she liked the way his hair looked. “It’s strange. You look older, in a very good way. Age did you well. But it’s like other than your looks changing, you’re exactly the same you that I always knew. The manners are there. You remember everything…”

“How could I forget?” Negan retorted with a wrinkle of his nose and a laugh. “We were together every single day for years. I would be a total fucking fucker if I forgot,” Negan stressed and it had her laughing. That made him happy to see her smile since he could tell things were stressful before. “Also, don’t take the manners too seriously. I’m a menace. I still have the mouth of a sailor. I’m still a sarcastic asshole who is absolutely fucking annoying. But I do know how to have chivalry when it’s needed.”

“That’s something a lot of people don’t have, so thank you,” she was impressed when Negan smirked, gave a single nod and then opened the door for her to leave first. When he got out and closed the door behind him, Negan held his hand out to her and she accepted it when he walked her to his car. Helping her get in, Negan opened the passenger seat door for her allowing her the time she needed before closing the door. This was a nice car. She imagined it was a rental for his time here, but she couldn’t help realizing how nice it was. Moving around the car, Negan opened the door and dropped down in his seat beside her. There was a silence between them. Contemplation was flooding Negan’s features and it made her smile. “What is it?

“Would you be horribly offended if I changed my original plans I had for us?” Negan wondered with his eyes narrowing.

“How could I be offended if I never knew the original plans to begin with?” she pointed out drawing his eyebrows to bounce up. “I can’t be mad if you never told me what we were doing to begin with.”

“Good point,” Negan chuckled, the lines in his forehead growing deeper. Taking a moment to think things out, Negan nodded his head and started to drive to wherever he was planning on taking her. “I’m glad we’re doing this. I was afraid you might not want to go out with me after being around all the people wanting to take photos with me and talk to me.”

“I understand people being excited. Life is short, people don’t have a lot of things to be excited about, so let them,” she replied, genuinely meaning it. Noticing that she was cold, Negan adjusted the temperature so she could warm up. “Also, I think you deserve the attention with all the hard work you did. I’m not that kind of person to be miserable if I don’t have your full attention.”

A quick glance in her direction took her breath away with the way that Negan looked at her. Noticing that they were driving toward the edge of town had her wondering where they were going. It was when they pulled into a parking lot where it made her laugh, “Seriously?”

“What? You don’t like it here?” Negan snickered, pulling off his seatbelt when he parked the car in the lot of the local sports bar in town. When they were younger, they would come here to play at the arcade when they were bored. They had cheap food which also made things easier with them being young. “We were here all the time when we were kids. Several times a week. I’m sure the games are more modern now, but it’s us. It’s true to us. Something tells me that you could use a relaxing night and dinner. One where you can just be open and free to be you again.”

Unlatching her seatbelt, Y/N looked out the window to look up at the building letting out a tiny laugh, “Of course unless you don’t want to do this. I can take you to the expensive restaurant that I was originally planning to take you so I could impress you. But, I don’t think I need to impress you. I just want to spend time with you. And after everything? I feel like we’re meant to be here. Not there.”

“I’ll follow your intuition,” she declared which was followed by Negan’s snort. It made her laugh that he still did that considering he was meant to be a heartthrob. Hopping out of the car, Negan had a kick to his step and moved around to help her out. Having Negan’s hand pressing in over the small of her back and leading her toward the building felt good. When they got into the building, she wasn’t surprised that a few people stopped when they saw him. He was a local hero to these people and she wasn’t going to let that get to her. The owner was eager to put them in the nicest spot, which honestly there was no spot that was the nicest spot. It just meant that it was the spot with the most privacy for them while they ate. It was a booth that they both slid into and she looked out at Negan with awe. The way he treated everyone with kindness was impressive. “I really thought you would be so much different if I ever saw you again.”

“Disappointed?” Negan’s right eyebrow arched in curiosity and she shook her head.

“Very impressed,” she corrected him, pulling her jacket from her shoulders. It had Negan eyeing her over for a moment, but he swiftly pulled his eyes from her trying to hide that he stole a look. It made her smile when she adjusted her dress. It didn’t hurt her feelings to know that he stole a glance at her breasts. “We’re both probably a little overdressed. Or in my case, underdressed.”

“I can do the same thing if you’d like,” Negan offered biting down on his bottom lip as he undid a few more buttons on his black button down. He made it go down to about his mid abdomen giving her an amused expression as he lifted his head. It revealed a large amount of his chest drawing attention to the thick curls of hair over his flesh. A rumble of laughter escaped his throat and she covered her eyes in embarrassment. “No, don’t be embarrassed. Look…”

Tugging at the material of his shirt, Negan flashed her his chest revealing one of his nipples and it had her laughing out, burying her head into her hand. His boisterous laughter surrounded her and suddenly she remembered just what it was like to be around Negan. If people saw him in that moment, they would have thought he was crazy.

“You are still so very much Negan,” she rolled her eyes, dragging her tongue across her bottom lip as he let go of his shirt having it fall back into place, yet still leaving the shirt unbuttoned. The bridge of Negan’s nose wrinkled and he was completely proud of himself with that. “I’m sorry about the boobs.”

“I’m not,” Negan winked when she dropped her head down to look at the revealing part of her dress. “It gives me something nice to steal looks at all night. While pretending that I’m not so you can still think I’m a gentleman.”

“So it was a successful dress then,” she sat up straighter when the waiter came to get their orders. The waiter geeked out a little when he realized who he was going to be serving and she was surprised just how many people in this town truly knew who Negan was. Then again, he was born here. So maybe it was something that people told their children about to impress them. “I feel like I’m with an A-list celebrity here.”

“It will be weird when I lose it,” Negan admitted with a long exhale, acknowledging that he was nearing the end of his career. “This season coming up is going to be my last one. My knee just can’t take it anymore and I know once I’m no longer playing people are going to quickly forget who I am.”

“I doubt that. Maybe it won’t be as busy, but you’re pretty unforgettable,” she suggested, pressing her hand in closer to his to place it over his on the table. Hooking his fingers with hers, Negan gave them a squeeze and a wink followed. “People are always going to remember the kindness that you showed them when you were famous.”

“Yeah,” Negan cleared his throat knowing that he didn’t want everything to be about him. “So what do you want to order? A pizza? Or do you want to get some burgers? Or if you’re feeling really special we can get some cheese sticks and chicken wings? Then again if you’re really hungry, I can get all of them.”

“In honor of what used to be…let’s go with the pizza,” she decided, pointing to the menu that was before her with her free hand. When they came here when they were young, they used to always get the pizza because it was the cheapest and they could always share it. “Double cheese and pepperoni?”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan winked ordering for them when the waiter brought their drinks. When they were left alone, Negan knew that they had been being silly, but his mind lingered back to earlier. At first, he picked up immediately that she was upset. So that still lingered in his mind. “Really though…are you doing okay? You looked upset when you opened the door earlier.”

“You were married. I’m sure you get it,” she frowned with a long sigh looking to the hand where her wedding ring used to be years ago. “Maybe you don’t. You didn’t end up divorced.”

“That doesn’t mean we didn’t have our problems,” Negan assured her, his thick eyebrows furrowing. “God knows I was a fool. And we fought a lot too, but I always feel like if you’re passionate about something you are going to feel things so much more deeply. Don’t think my marriage was perfect because it wasn’t.”

“But, you were head over heels in love with her,” she reminded him hearing Negan’s breathing grow louder when she pointed toward the necklace that was around his neck. “Your wedding rings tell me that.”

“I was,” Negan agreed with her, sucking at his bottom lip with her acknowledging his late wife. “I loved her so much that the time I took off last time from baseball was to take care of her while she was sick. Not because I was hurt.”

“See, that’s romantic,” she stressed liking to hear that about Negan. By his expression she wasn’t sure that Negan agreed with her. “I’m sure she appreciated that.”

“She did,” Negan commented, signs of him being uncomfortable talking about his life coming through. “Good job changing the subject though instead of talking about Joel.”

“I just don’t know what to say about things with him,” she confessed, feeling guilty that their conversation was coming right back to Joel. “It’s just no one can get under my skin quite like Joel can. It’s like he knows exactly what to say to upset me or make me feel bad. Sometimes I’m not even sure he knows that he is doing it, but when he does, it burns.”

“I think us men can do that sometimes. Not realize the daggers we hold in our words,” Negan hummed, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Before they could get deep in their discussion, their pizza was being brought followed by a few complimentary appetizers. There were garlic knots, cheese sticks and cheese bread. The owner insisted that it was free even when Negan insisted that he wanted to pay. When they owner left the food with him, it made Negan exhale loudly. “You have money and suddenly everyone wants to give you everything for free.”

“Interesting how that works,” she noted letting out an amused sound when Negan pulled his jacket off and set it aside. It was getting warm in the restaurant. In the distance they could hear the sounds from the large arcade that was in the other room and it made her smile. Negan undid the buttons of his sleeves, rolling them up his arms revealing his tattoos to her. Stretching out her hand, she grabbed one of his arms to look over the tattoos that were there. Dragging her fingertips over his flesh had Negan’s eyes watching her closely. “So much is the same, but so much is different. I knew you had tattoos, but I never saw them close up.”

“There’s a lot more,” Negan informed her with a wink when he dragged his arm back slowly to get a piece of pizza for both of them on their plates.

“I think I know that. I saw a photo from that very revealing shoot you did a while ago the other day,” she confessed to Negan hearing his laugh fill the air. Their conversation reminded her of the pull out that Joel had confiscated from Elizabeth. Hearing that intrigued Negan and she knew that he wanted to say something sexual but didn’t know if he should. His face was red, his eyebrows bouncing up in amusement. Which only added to how ridiculously cute his dimples looked. “I’d love to say that it was me looking it up, but my daughter actually had it. I told you that she had the biggest crush on you. So I saw…a lot of you.”

“Not nearly enough,” Negan joked with her, giving her a wink. Then he considered what she said, snorting at the thought. “It’s a little creepy that your daughter had that though.”

“Joel agreed with you. He tore it down from her ceiling and threw it at me before he left. So it’s sitting in my nightstand drawer,” she admitted to Negan, a laugh escaping her lips at how weird this whole conversation got. “I’ll have to take a better look at that pull out later when I get home.”

“I have a few more tattoos since then,” Negan stated with a crooked smirk not sure how to respond to what she just told him. “Play your cards right and I’ll let you see all of them up close and personal.”

“God,” she groaned out and it was followed by his laugh. Lifting the piece of pizza up, Negan dramatically tipped his head back being silly in the way he was eating his pizza like he used to be when they were younger. “And there is the Negan that I know.”

“You liked that Negan very much, thank you,” he pointed out with a mouthful of the pizza chewing it pretty dramatically and she knew that he was doing it to amuse her. Here they were both dressed up very nice, eating pizza and not being at all dainty about it.

“Of course,” she agreed with him seeing him plow down one piece of pizza before reaching for another for himself. Even though they were flirting back and forth, she couldn’t help but think about her children. “I think Peter would love this place.”

“Your son?” Negan stammered and she nodded. Part of her just wanted to talk completely about Elizabeth and Peter, but she didn’t want to bore Negan with stories. “Why don’t we bring him here once while I’m here? Heaven knows they give us enough food. And you can bring your daughter too.”

“That wouldn’t weird you out?” she was stunned to hear him say that and he smirked. This was their first time being around each other again, but he already was talking about wanting to spend time with her children. “Being around my children?”

“They are part of you. Why would that weird me out?” Negan was genuinely curious why she would think that. “I mean yeah, it might be weird meeting your seventeen year old daughter that had my photoshoot of me almost completely naked. But then I’d be judgmental because I had half naked women on my walls when I was her age. All jokes aside, I would very much enjoy meeting your children.”

“And they would freak out meeting you,” she was sure that would be the case. Peter was hugely into sports and she was pretty sure that Elizabeth had gotten into softball because her and Joel watched baseball together all the time. Probably also to be more like Negan as well. “Peter would ask you a million questions and I feel like Elizabeth would be really quiet. She’s not shy, but around you? She’d get quiet. I’m sure she’d love to talk about baseball with you too though. She’s a softball player and she loves it. But I think she’d start off very shy around you.”

“Only for a little bit. Trust me, I’ve gotten used to the whole shyness thing. I’ve had a lot of meet and greets with fans who came to see me. I always end up getting them to talk by the end of it,” Negan declared with a bob of his head. They both snacked on a few of the appetizers before offering what they had left to the rest of a table of teenagers since it was so much food. Of course the teenagers took it and marked out that Negan gave them free food before allowing him to go back to Y/N. “You ready for some games?”

“You think I will be okay?” she pointed down toward her dress and it had Negan humming out. Snatching his jacket from the seat, Negan held it out for her and she nodded. Having his suit jacket covering her would probably be better than going out there to play in just her dress.

Side by side they walked together in the arcade. It seemed like they went for the things that they did more so as children together. Air hockey, basketball games and other things that drew their attention. A lot of people seemed to leave Negan alone while he was with her in the arcade which impressed her. She thought they would be interrupted more while they were having fun together, but the respect was actually really nice.

Time seemed to fly by with them just having fun together and being silly. It had been so long since she just got to feel like a kid again and do these kinds of things. But it was something she surprisingly enjoyed very much.

By the time Negan won her a gigantic stuffed bear, he led her back toward the table for them to get some drinks since they both had gotten hot from being in the arcade. Negan had put the teddy bear next to him while they sat at the booth and it made her laugh the way he had his arm hooked around the giant bear.

“This has been fun,” she confessed with a laugh when Negan squeezed the bear in closer to him with a one armed hug. It was incredibly hot right now and the both of them were sweating from all they had done. “I can’t tell you the last time I did something like this.”

“Had fun?” Negan blurt out. Originally, she was talking about doing arcade games, but yeah. It had been a while in general that she had fun. So she just nodded. “Well, I’m glad I could convince you to do this with me. You deserve to have some you time where you feel good.”

“You have no idea how much it means to me that you agreed to this,” she sat forward at the table, leaning over it so he could hear her. Truthfully? She shouldn’t have been thinking about their past, but she couldn’t help it. “After how things ended with us when we were younger, I thought you may never want to see me again.”

“Of course I’d want to see you again,” Negan matched her movements, leaning across the table after letting go of the stuffed bear. “We were best friends. I missed that part of me. The Negan I was when we were close.”

“I think we were a little more than just best friends,” she reminded him with an uncomfortable breath. Hearing her say that had a smirk tugging at Negan’s lips, his thick eyebrows bouncing up before he dragged his thumb across his bottom lip.

“I didn’t know what you wanted to admit,” Negan snorted, shrugging his shoulders in a shameless moment. A wicked expression flooded his handsome features and he moved close enough so only she could hear him. “You were the person who gave me my first hand job after all. If you remember all of our time together, that is.”

“How could I forget?” she sucked at her bottom lip seeing the wolfish smile expand over his features. Flirting with him was coming easily and it wasn’t even like she was purposely going out of her way to do it. “You don’t really forget a cock like that.”

“It’s pretty nice,” Negan agreed hearing her let out an amused breath. Dropping his head down, he looked at the center of his lap and growled. How they had gone from innocent to sexual talk was beyond her.

“Obviously you were the first person to finger me,” she whispered looking around the sports bar that they were in knowing that if people heard them talking the way they were that they would likely be eavesdropping on them. “And the first person to eat me out…”

“Many, many times,” Negan snickered reaching for his beer to take a sip of it and he shook his head slowly. There was a warmth flushing into her cheeks and it made him smile. “You’re also the first person to give me a blowjob. Every time we were alone once we reached a certain age, we were always going at each other.”

“We were two bored teens that had way too much freedom with their parents,” she recalled finding her heart skipping a beat with the way that Negan smiled, his dimples doing the very thing they had done to her since they were younger. And that was make her heart flutter and swoon when she looked at him. “Our parents trusted us way more than they should have.”

“My parents thought you were just the sweetest, most innocent girl,” Negan teased her, playing with the neck of the beer bottle when he recalled their years together. “They thought you were the one thing keeping me innocent. Little did they know that you were such a naughty little thing corrupting their son…”

“Oh, don’t you blame it all on me,” she reached out to swat at his hand. Snorting out, Negan lowered his head and let out a long sigh. “You were corrupting me just as much. You were the older one you know.”

“We were so very good for each other,” Negan’s nose wrinkled, taking a longer sip of his beer this time. Setting the bottle down, Negan shifted on his side of the booth and tapped his fingers against the top of the table. “I don’t know why we never had sex.”

“We never had condoms,” she reminded him making him tip his head from side to side. “Then the one time you stole condoms, we went to have sex and your dad walked in on the two of us.”

“Right,” Negan laughed deeply and she rolled her eyes thinking back on the two of them. “My dad was such a dick. Immediately started lecturing us about how my mother was going to have her heart broken if she knew that we were doing that in their house. Then tried to lecture us about how if we had sex we were going to die. My father was a horrible father, but he sure thought he was doing something that night when he told us that the people who had sex were those to die first in horror movies. It wasn’t STDs or pregnancy he warned us about. It was the potential of dying in a Friday the Thirteenth movie. And if you remember after he found us, he put that open door rule on us.”

“I do remember that. You were trying so hard not to laugh. It’s not like it worked though. We still fucked around at my house,” she reminded him with a laugh, shaking her head at the thought. “I think he thought lecturing us would put the fear of God into us, it just made us go to my house more instead of going to yours.”

“But he stole the condoms, so…” Negan huffed with a disappointed expression. They both seemed amused talking about their naughty relationship that they shared together. “I thought you would be the girl I lost my virginity to, but alas, I was fucking wrong.”

“Because the cute blonde haired, green eyed girl came to town and had your eyes,” she suggested which had Negan’s face scrunching up. Hearing her say that had confused him and it seemed like he didn’t understand what she was saying. “Lucille. I’m talking about Lucille.”

“Yeah, I was smitten from the moment that Lucille came to town, I agree. Although, I hate to break this to you Y/N,” Negan stammered, his jaw flexing when he threw his right hand up in the air. “Joel Miller was the thing that made me realize we were never gonna happen. Not Lucille. Joel came first…in both ways.”

“Negan,” she groaned out realizing where he was going with that last statement. It had been a very long time, but she didn’t realize what he was saying was true. “I’m pretty sure Lucille came to town first.”

“Nope, I know for certain you and Joel hooked up before Lucille transferred to the school,” Negan refused, being very expressive in the way he was delivering his lines. “Because I remember the broken heart that came with it.”

“Come on,” she chuckled thinking that he was joking at first, but Negan’s expression was very much solemn when he lowered his stare. What had been a light and silly conversation turned very serious when their past came front and center.

“I’m being honest,” Negan admitted, his long eyelashes fluttering when he lifted his stare to her again. Someone walked by in that moment and they both went silent before he spoke up again. “I was very much in love with you. I thought I was gonna marry you. After all we had been through growing up together, I thought we were soulmates.”

What could she say to that? This conversation seemed to be upsetting Negan when he thought back on it, “When I was on the baseball team you would show up to every practice and game for me. But then after you two got together, it was no longer me that you were there for. It was him. I thought you were my girl, but I learned quickly that you weren’t.”

Silence followed. She didn’t know how to respond when he finished off his beer and cleared his throat, “When you went to that party it was all over. All it took was Joel Miller finally noticing you for you to be hooked and reeled in. First it was him making out with you at that party. Then it was you started to come to practices and the games for him. Not me. You no longer had eyes for me. I was invisible. Then again. I should have expected it. I knew you had a crush on him when we were kids, I just thought when we started fooling around together you and I were dating.”

“Negan, I’m sorry,” she apologized noticing the upset in his hazel eyes and she felt suddenly on the spot. “I never really thought that we were dating. I just thought we were best friends that were experiencing things with each other. You never mentioned us being together so I just assumed…”

“I realized that once you hooked up with Joel,” Negan responded with a grunt, shrugging his shoulders again showing that he was uncomfortable. “It was for the best because you ended up with Joel and I ended up with Lucille, but at the time I was devastated. The woman I was head over heels in love with my whole life just up and left one day.”

“I wish you would have said something,” she breathed out finding it hard to actually look at Negan with the guilt she had in hearing that truth. “I feel like such an asshole. Or ignorant to the truth of how things were because fuck. You must have thought I was such a bitch and…I was. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were meant to get with Joel. You have two beautiful children that you love very much,” Negan suggested with a weak smile. It was his way of trying to make her feel better, yet she still felt awful about the whole thing. After thinking about what he said, it was all suddenly starting to make sense why things ended up the way they did. Why Negan disappeared after she started dating Joel. It was her fault all this time, not his. “And I was meant to be with Lucille. They were both important parts of our lives.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she agreed silently realizing that she actually felt really bad after everything. It was eating away at her knowing that she hurt Negan so much that he thought there was no other way to handle things than to shut her out of his life completely back then.

“I am curious though,” Negan let out an amused breath when the waiter showed up with another beer for him. It was like he had been paying attention to him like a hawk and Negan looked back over his shoulder at the young waiter letting out a snort. Shaking his head, Negan cleared his throat and looked back to her. “What was it about Joel that made you pick him? What made you decide that Joel was the one and not me?”

There was a silence between them when she thought about the answer. It had Negan tipping his head to the side and she didn’t know what to say, “I know you very much enjoyed my tongue and fingers, so that wasn’t it. And I saw Joel naked in the past. You have a type when it comes to men with bigger dicks, but I’m pretty sure mine is just as impressive. My arrogance might take over here and say mine might be bigger. His is just uncut…”

“Negan, it’s not about the penis,” she stressed hearing him letting out a long exhale and she felt like the room was spinning around her. “You both have nice bodies. I didn’t pick Joel because he was better at sex acts than you or because of his penis.”

“Then what was it?” Negan seemed pretty desperate for an answer and it made her feel bad to know that he let it bother him this whole time.

“I wish I had a good answer,” she began realizing that there was really nothing good to say for her to reason with Negan. “I guess that night at the party having Joel’s attention just felt really good. He’d never noticed me before like that and when he finally did, he just made me feel special.”

“And it didn’t help that he was the most popular boy in school,” Negan commented causing her to roll her eyes.

“You were just as popular,” she retorted thinking back to when they were young and how they both got a lot of attention from people. “You both had girls fawning over you with you playing sports.”

“Joel was just the quarterback on the football team and you know how us Americans are with our football,” Negan grumbled under his breath and she wondered if that really was the case for her in the past. Because she felt like she had been in love with Joel from the first moment she saw him “I didn’t make you feel special?”

“You made me feel better than anyone else did Negan,” she corrected him but she could tell that he didn’t believe her. “You were my best friend. You were the most important person in my life. And then you just stopped being part of my life. You never answered my calls. You never came to see me. You left without saying goodbye.”

“I was an asshole. I should have told you,” Negan acknowledged, his raspy voice quiet when he swept his fingers at the top of the table. “I was just so heart broken that I was so mad. I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to talk to you and that…”

“Was my fault,” she interrupted him so he couldn’t take credit for the whole thing.

“Our fault,” he added knowing that it took both of them not having the strength to actually talk to each other after things fell apart between them.

“I came to say goodbye to you when I was leaving,” Negan admitted, lowering his head and she could tell that once again he wasn’t comfortable looking her in the eye while he spoke.

“What happened?” she pushed for an answer and Negan’s hazel eyes lifted to meet her stare that was desperate for a response.

“I uh…” Negan thought of what to say, brushing his fingers through his short beard. “I wimped out. I thought you would get mad at me, so I just left.”

“All this time it never hit me,” she was angry with herself when that bomb of a confession was unloaded onto her. “I called you when the kids were born. I wanted you to be Elizabeth’s godfather. You never returned my calls. That was because of this? Because of what I did. This whole time I just thought Lucille wasn’t comfortable with you being my friend.”

“It’s uh…” Negan shifted, his raspy voice changing when he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s complicated.”

“Joel was your best friend too. Unless I’m wrong, but we were all so close,” she remembered what it was like when they were all together as friends. It had Negan smirking and bringing his hand up to drag it down over the front of his face in a stressed movement.

“Yeah, he was,” Negan retorted with a firm nod, biting down on his bottom lip. It looked like Negan wanted to say something, but he stopped and shrugged his shoulders. “I lost my two best friends when the two of you hooked up. I should have just dealt with it. I guess I was just jealous. I’m sorry I became such a shitty friend.”

“It’s my fault,” she owned up to her own decisions that led to her losing Negan in the past. “You can say it was you, but it wasn’t. I had everything in my hands with you and I…”

“Everything that was supposed to happen did,” Negan didn’t want her regretting the choices that she made so long ago. “I see the way you talk about your children. You love them very much and they were meant to be here. I just at the time didn’t understand, but now I do. My journey with Lucille was supposed to happen and yours was meant to happen with Joel.”

“You’re right,” she agreed with him knowing that she would never give up her children, even if she was given a second chance to do things over because her children meant everything to her. “You just deserved better than what you were given.”

“And so did you,” Negan retorted with a tip of his head, sweeping his thumb across his bottom lip. Looking over his shoulder, he started to pull himself from the booth and gave her a weak smile. “I’m going to use the bathroom really quick. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Yeah,” she looked worried about him, but he waved it off like it was nothing.

Taking notice of the bathrooms, Negan realized there was one in the back that looked like it was the least busy of them all. He needed a moment to breathe after he just let all of that trauma unload after having it pent up for so long. Pushing the door of the bathroom open, Negan moved for the sink and braced his weight against it. Staring out at himself in the mirror, he cussed to himself knowing that he didn’t want to question her like that since he wanted to give her a good time, but it just came out. He felt like such an asshole knowing that he was going to make her feel guilty about everything that she knew.

Turning the water on cold, Negan threw some water in his face and heard the sound of the door pushing open. Looking over his shoulder, Negan saw that it was Y/N standing at the door. Standing up slowly, he turned off the water and turned to face her with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Giving Negan a once over, she reached behind her to lock the door to the bathroom. Bracing himself back against the sink, Negan assumed that she was going to erupt on him for throwing all of that on her.

Instead, she stepped forward and he felt her fingers stretching out to curl around the side of his neck. A soft tug brought him down to her for her lips to brush against his in the most tender of sweeps. It lingered for a moment before another kiss grew between them. It had her stepping closer to him with her tipping up on her toes to deepen the caress of her mouth against his. Bracing his hands against her hips, Negan cherished the warmth of her before him. With each second their kiss grew more passionate with her parting her lips allowing the warmth of his tongue to brush against hers.

Grunting out, Negan felt her fingers dragging down over his abdomen to reach for his belt to start pulling it apart. The tug was rough, pulling his hips toward her when she got it open. Tugging apart his pants and then dragging down the zipper had her palm dipping beneath the material of his pants and boxer briefs for her to curl her fingers around the root to his masculinity.

“Wait,” Negan groaned against her lips, pulling away slightly while she unhurriedly caressed over his semi-erect cock. Shaking his head, he knew that he would be angry at himself later if he realized that she was doing this out of guilt. “You don’t have to do this to make me feel better. That’s not why I did this. I don’t want you to do this out of guilt.”

“It’s not,” she assured him, nipping faintly at his bottom lip and it had him lowering down in closer to her. Raspy moans from Negan followed when she easily got him rigid in her grasp. Pulling him from behind the material of his pants had her dropping her eyes down to look over his manhood. Licking his lips, Negan’s eyelids were heavy. “Wow.”

“You act like you’ve never seen it before,” Negan growled with amusement in his tone. “Other than Lucille, I’m not sure there is anyone that’s seen it more than you.”

“It’s been a long time,” she reminded him, testing his flesh in her palm keen on watching his response. “I’m still impressed. And you are so fucking hot now…”

“I wasn’t then?” he teased her, his hips slightly bucking up toward her touch. Hovering his lips over hers made her smile.

“Every time felt like the first time with you,” she slurred, kissing softly at his bottom lip. Stepping back, she brought her fingers up to her lips. Sucking faintly at the tips, she was quick to drop her hand back down. Using that to slick it against his shaft making it easier to jerk him off. It had him clinging to her, his nose nuzzling in against the side of her neck. He was like puddy in her hands, his body shaking at the excitement to be near her again. “You are perfect. You always were.”

“No, I’m not,” Negan declared with a shake of his head, his lips crashing down over hers to steal another kiss. Purring out against his flesh, she liked the way that Negan reacted to every touch. How it seemed like it would be the end of the world if he didn’t kiss her. Every kiss from him took her breath away and it was so vastly different from what she was used to with Joel. Lowering his left arm, he curled it around her waist and spun her so that her back was pressed against the wall. Dragging his hands down over her sides, Negan’s fingers reached the bottom of her dress and he tugged it up slightly. Hooking eyes, he wanted to make sure that she wanted this. Caressing up over her thigh toward her warmth had her biting back a sharp exhale. Pushing aside the material of her panties, Negan’s rough fingertips traced over the length of her sex. Moaning out, her hips pressed in closer to him wanting to have that contact. Kissing over her jawline, Negan moaned against her flesh with her continuing to jerk him off. It had his hips bouncing up toward her caress and Negan was already a much more verbal lover showing her that he appreciated what she was doing. “You have no idea how much I’ve fucking missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she whispered, turning in toward him so she could bring their lips together. Crying out against his lips, she felt one of Negan’s long, slender digits taking its time to thrust into her having her purring out. With her free hand, she sank her fingers into Negan’s hair and did her best not to cry out when he added another. The speed of his fingers inside of her matched the way her hand sheathed his heated flesh in her grasp. “Negan…”

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Negan mouthed against her lips, his moans growing deeper when his tongue brushed against hers. Their breathing was loud and broken. Both of them desperate to touch the other. Be near each other. Everything from their past was quickly coming back to them. And it all felt right.

Nuzzling his nose in against hers, their foreheads pressed together. The warmth of his breath felt incredible over her lips while his fingers knew just the right spots to hit. This was something they would have done when they were younger and it felt like they were falling back into things again so easily.

“Fuck,” she whimpered out against his lips noticing just how much her body was shaking. Pretty quickly he had found the right spot inside of her to focus on. It was crazy how easily Negan caught onto things by paying attention to her expression. Determination flooded his body, the look he was giving her causing her heart to pound harder inside of her chest. Trying to stand steady on her feet was hard to do because her legs were trembling. A fire was building inside of her. Slamming her eyes shut, she buried her face against Negan’s shoulder biting back on the cries that wanted to escape her. Thankfully Negan had her pressed firmly against the wall where she could brace herself against his body. By the sensation and pressure that was building up inside of her, it made it feel like the room was spinning around her. The sensation was new in the best of ways but also made her nervous. “Negan…Negan…I think…”

“It’s okay, let it happen,” Negan hushed her, covering her mouth with his. It was like he knew he was going to have to do his best to keep her quiet. Tightening her grasp around his erection elicited a deep, raspy growl that sent chills down her spine. Clinging tightly to him, her hips rocked against the movements of his fingers. An addictive, euphoric sensation was sweeping over her. Throwing her head back, she was having a hard time focusing on anything other than how good everything felt. Not wanting to take his eyes off of her, Negan’s lips parted. A muscle at the corner of his jaw flexed and he seemed just as much into this as she was. Involuntarily her thighs started tremoring and by the rushing ache that flooded to her head, she felt like she could almost pass out. Approaching her orgasm, she stole another kiss from his lips. Wet sounds started to fill the air with his fingers still moving as she came. Even though she wanted to fall against him, she kept up with caressing his length in steady, fluid movements. Every part of her felt like it was on fire with Negan thrusting his hips up toward her grasp. “Fuck…”

Forcing herself to look down, she purred out seeing the first line of cum shoot out from the tip of his cock. Burying his head against the side of her neck, Negan’s moans vibrated against her flesh while she worked to milk him completely in her hand. Slowing down her movements, she continued her slick caress over his body focusing at the red, swollen tip.

Grunting, Negan’s free palm caressed in over the side of her neck, capturing her jaw between his index finger and thumb. Looking down between them, Negan licked his lips when she released his body and it twitched a few times, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, panting as she spoke. The floor was wet from what Negan had done to her and she could barely catch her breath. “I uh…I’ve never done that before. That was…new?”

“Really?” an arrogant smile followed and it made Negan look entirely too cocky. But that was the Negan she knew. The Negan she grew up with. “Good. I’m glad you shared your first time with me.”

Negan brought their lips together again in a kiss that was slow, allowing her to still come down from her high, “I learned some things over the last few years. The female body is a very interesting subject.”

“No kidding,” she half laughed, using her free hand to caress down over the side of his chiseled jawline. There was something in the way that Negan looked at her that made her feel incredibly special. It took her breath away. Even when they were done, she was impressed with the way that he helped clean her up before cleaning himself up. Gathering herself, she couldn’t help but be in awe of him. Bracing herself against the sink, she knew that she was still trembling, likely looking like a mess.

Working his pants back together, Negan approached her. Having the warmth of him near had her trembling all over again, “Negan?”

“Yeah,” Negan lowered his head, nudging her nose with his.

“Do you…” she considered what she was going to ask, swallowing down hard. Wetting her lips, she found her heart skipping a beat at the way he turned into her palm to press a tender kiss over the center of her hand. “Do you want to go home with me?”

Slightly turning his head, Negan rubbed his cheek against her hand. The roughness from his short stubble tickled at her flesh before he gave her a big smile, “Do you want me to go home with you?”

Tipping his head back drew attention to the prominent vein at the side of Negan’s neck. It was hard to gather words. But more than anything she knew her answer. And that was yes. Nodding once had Negan snickering and he clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth.

“Then yes, I would love to go home with you,” Negan slurred, lifting his hand to hook his fingers with hers. “I’d like that very fucking much.”

----

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