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paradlselost · 10 days ago

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. ⋮ ULTRAVIOLENCE .ᐟ ֹ

doctor phosphorus x female reader

⎨ 𝐀𝐍 ⎬ fun fact i’ve wanted to eat uranium for a long time so he is the worlds most perfect man to me . also sorry for not writing anything in so long , i’ve been busy and jumping from hyperfixation to hyperfixation for a while now as you can see by my unfinished mouthwashing fanfics . but i watched the show last night and he is my favorite and there’s almost nothing about him so i had to . enjoy !

⎨ 𝐂𝐖 ⎬ monster ! reader , mentions of body dysmorphia and imposter syndrome / depersonalization , religious trauma + blasphemy ( cause i can’t help myself ) specifically in catholicism , catholic rituals , depictions of eating raw meat , depictions of wounds , hurt / comfort , depictions of cannibalism , described body horror . smut : fire / burning kink , dry humping , fingering , male moans ( yay ! ) .

3 . 1 k words ++ not beta read .

Eyes flutter closed, allowing darkness to wash over you. Soft sounds of birds chirping fill the room around you, drowning out the constant humming of the chip in the back of your neck. You’re hyper aware of everything, the fabric of the blanket that covers you and the cold air that stings your nose as you breath in; chest rising and falling in rhythm.

You remember how reluctant the guards that watched over you were to allow you the sounds you so desperately needed to sleep, not believing your pleas to quiet your constantly racing mind. Nearly a week without rest made them understand rather quickly, when, despite the power dampener locked around your neck, talons began to grow out of your hands and your spine contorted with the growing of fleshy wings.

It seems you’ve been blessed, something has gone right for once in your life as you’re now able to change the sounds to whatever you wish instead of the constant rushing of waves. Secretly, you’re happy to have been put on this mission. Grateful, even, as much as you could be to a monster like Waller. Perhaps you could even forgive her for the electrocution you’d been put through.

Weasel kips at the foot of your bed, stuck to your side since the day you had snapped at him: barred your fangs and shoved him away from you. Something about the beast had been so pathetic that you ended up apologizing and giving a hesitant scratch to the back of his ears. He’s good company, loyal if not a bit of a flea concern, and he listens when you speak to him unlike many of the others in the special containment of Belle Reave.

Nina was kind, as well, perhaps a bit out of her element, though. You’d once tried to make small talk with GI but that ended as quickly as it had started with his sudden interrogation on if you were a Nazi. And god, you wouldn’t dare bring anything up to the others.

Crickets chirped through the headphones you had been allowed to wear, owls hooting and birds calling. A forest at night, a beautiful scene you were sure you wouldn’t be able to see freely again, but you do not indulge in those negative thoughts. You can already feel it looming over you, exhaustion and stress mingling to bring it out. The thing that stirrs inside you, monstrous and ugly. Its hungry, and you know better than to ignore that hunger lest the Weasel that kips at the foot of your bed be more than a scrap of fur.

So, you stirr. Sitting up in the bed you remove your headphones and push the blanket from your form quietly as to not disturb him. He’s almost cute when he sleeps, like a crusty old dog that resembles more of a tattered blanket than a pet. Regardless, you close the door quietly behind you and walk down the long winding hallways of the palace. Truthfully, you had never been anywhere quite as lavish, never had a king sized bed all to yourself or a private bathroom. Its almost too big, especially at night when the shadows dance up the walls and cast an ominous glare over just about everything.

You know better than to gaze at your shadow as you pass the large walls with royal family portraits. Unworthy, unrighteous, evil. The rosary marks still pierce your skin, forced to pray this thing away day and night till your palms and knees bled. You’ve grown resentful towards the being that shares your body. It makes demands of you, to feast, a single slip can give way and allow it to control you. Some kind of devil, the reason you’re here in the first place.

Your mouth had begun to hurt in your search for the kitchen, gums beginning to bleed and pool against the base of your tongue.. You’d have thought you’d be used to this by now, that your world wouldn’t continue to be turned upside down, that the Lord’s Prayer wouldn’t recite involuntarily in your mind as it all starts over again. You stumble over your own two feet, finding yourself silently wishing you had that power dampener around your neck once again. Your stomach rumbles more.

It feels like an eternity till you finally find the kitchen, thankful that all the servants had retired for the night so you can spit your mouthful of blood into the sink. Crimson stains the marble, dripping from your chin as you turn on the faucet to wash your mouth of the taste. Your fangs had grown in now, taking space in front of your canines and piercing uncomfortably against your bottom lip whenever you close your mouth. Hunger gnaws at your stomach as if beginning to consume the lining itself.

You throw open the fridge door with little care of the noise it makes as it slams into the counter beside it. Eyes scour for something, anything, till you land on a large, raw goose marinating for tomorrow nights feast. Shaky hands reach out to grab it, allowing the glass tray it sits in to fall to the ground and shatter. The shards prick at your bare feet, cutting and marring your skin with more blood, though you don’t seem to notice.

Fangs sink into the bird, soft flesh breaking at the intrusion. The taste is almost euphoric, never had you tasted a meat so rich and fatty; your body had gotten far too used to the awful prison food they served in containment. You rip out a large chunk; tendons harshly snapping from the body as you swallow nearly without chewing. Your eyes gloss over as you devour the bird, reaching in to grab at the sausage links that had also been waiting to be cooked the next day.

You hadn’t realized how much you had truly lost yourself till a harsh green glow halted your feast. Head whipping around to greet the skeletal face of Phosphorus, a hiss falling from your lips that still wrapped around a chunk of meat like a food insecure cat. He was your least favorite of all, acting as if he knew everything simply because he had been a doctor before his incident. Not like it mattered in Belle Reave, and certainly not in the monster sector they were kept in.

“Woah. Calm down, I’m not takin’ that from you.” A huff came from him, head tilted to the side as he watched you, almost intrigued with the way you acted. He simply stepped past you, walking over to the sink and simply staring down at the blood that had graced the basin. “This yours?”

The link fell from your mouth, rolling into the shards of glass and crimson as the fangs retracted back into your gums, eyes returning to normal. All you could do was stare at him, as if he had asked the most stupid question in the world. Smartest man in the room your ass.

“Who else’s would it be?”

“Don’t know, thats why I’m asking. Flag and I got into a fight earlier and I totally won, so I’m just wondering.”

“Oh.”

He leans back against the countertop, facing you now, the sleeves of his hoodie protecting him from burning through the granite. Part of him had always intrigued you, in a way, everyone but Weasel had a signature outfit; but him? A hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. It was almost comical how simple he was, though you supposed there wasnt much he could keep. A step towards him, wincing at the sudden realization of what you had done.

His gaze followed yours, looking down to the glass and blood that gushed from your feet and ankles. The light from the fridge and his green glow illuminated the space between you two, dancing off the shards on the floor. Your mouth was covered as well, sloppily wiped onto your cheeks as you had feasted. God, you looked a mess, but the pain distracted you from that fact. Biting your bottom lip to muffle a pathetic whimper of pain.

“Cmon don’t cry, what’s a little glass among friends?”

“I am not crying.”

If he had eyes to roll no doubt he would’ve. Stepping over to you and hooking an arm around your shoulder to help you stand without any warning. Your first instinct is to fight him off, to tell him no and shout at him, but you don’t. Instead, you lean into the touch and allow him to help you hobble up the stairs to, what you originally assume to be your room, but soon discover he’s guiding you into his, and then, into his bathroom.

Theres something almost intimate about the way he grabs your hips to help you onto the counter so he can patch you up. You hadn’t asked this from him, but it didn’t seem to matter much now as he filled a bucket with warm soapy water, dunking a rag in a few times and using the help of tweezers to pick the glass out of your skin. You do your best not to flinch, using the time to preoccupy yourself with washing off the blood from your face.

John 13. You detest the thought, Belle Reave had ripped every ounce of belief from your body, but the ceremonies and rituals of your youth had not quite left your mind, and the intimacy of the moment didn’t help. Silence filled the room, the only noises being the soft sounds of the wash cloth being dunked into the water and squeezed out. You’d seen it before, a relatives wedding, the washing of the feet ceremony. It’s meant to be intimate, to be between spouses, to show commitment and love just as Jesus had to his disciples. You feel far more like Judas, however, with the monster that festers inside you.

“So. What was that?” His voice snaps you from your thoughts, eyes fluttering down to look at him, hesitating at his question. You don’t have a good answer, not one that wraps everything up into a neat bow at the least. Just what you know, which isn’t much.

“It’s the reason I’m classified as a monster. Theres… something that lives inside me, a devil of sorts I was always told. It’s been there for as long as I can remember, its why I had to wear the collar back in confinement. It starts to creep out whenever I slip, get too comfortable or let my guard down.” You’re quiet, not wanting to break the softness of this encounter. “I’m sorry you had to see it.”

“You don’t have to apologize. We’re all freaks, its the whole point of this task force.”

“I guess. I’m still sorry.”

A huff comes from Phosphorus as he grabs a clean washcloth, dunking it in fresh water and reaching up to wipe off some of the blood that you had missed, that still marrs your mouth and flesh. He’s close, now, very much so. He smells of sulfur, though it does not cause you to recoil or scrunch your nose; its a scent you’ve grown accustomed to with the monster that shares your body. Can a skeleton be attractive? Is that possible?

You lean into the feeling of the warm washcloth against your cheek; having been so long since someone had touched you. Before you had been arrested you indulged in sin, lust, it had engulfed your body and it wasn’t a feeling you ever wanted to encounter again. How it could consume your entire being, give control over to someone other than yourself. It’s a fine line for you, but you feel the distantly familiar feeling of butterflies flutter in your stomach at the proximity of him.

You feel sick; like bile will creep up your throat any moment, but it doesn’t feel bad. Not with how he lets the cloth be a barrier between the two of you, between his hands that will burn your body at his touch. You’d welcome it, to let him cauterize your wounds and fix you. Your hands creep up to wrap around the back of his neck, protected by the hood of his sweater as you pull him closer. He’s warm, comfortable.

“I don’t like you apologizing, you look like a kicked puppy.”

“You’re smiling, though.”

“Can’t help it, I’m a skeleton, doll.”

His voice is a giveaway, though, possibly the most upbeat you had heard him despite the quiet and intimate nature of the room. You feel it, the radiating warmth from his other hand creeping down to your thigh, rubbing soft, soothing circles against the fabric that protects your skin from his touch. It would hurt, but a part of you almost welcomes it, wants to feel it.

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth, eyes focused on the hand that slowly crept higher from your thigh. He’s close, his heat rivaling that at your core. You miss the way his head tilts to the side at your demeanor, hands grasping and releasing the fabric of his hoodie over and over.

Phosphorus said nothing as he continued to wipe some of the blood from your mouth, lingering over your bottom lip while his other hand becomes preoccupied with cupping you over your pajama pants, skeletal fingers pressing in to give you some friction.

That nausea you had felt earlier returns tenfold, punishing yourself for feeling anything remotely good. The situation reminds you far too much of the last time, dipping too far into bliss. It seemed you had only blinked when the body of the lover you had found for the night was strewn across the room, spitting half eaten entrails out of your maw. He guides you to lean back against the mirror, your hand clasping over your mouth to muffle your sounds as he slips below the fabric of your nightwear.

You can feel it again, the hunger that rises to your chest. Your hands shake against your skin now, nailbeds aching with the growing of your talons. A whimper, squeezing your eyes shut. You are selfish, greedy. You’d rather relish in this than warn him, to have one moment that allows you to feel human, to feel wanted and loved.

A sudden burning feeling rips you from your thoughts, your hand had been removed from its post over your mouth and was held in his. Tears well in your eyes at the feeling, the searing pain that washed over your body and forces you to see white. It aches, branding you.

“Shit.” Is all that falls from his mouth, moving his hand away before you needily grasp it once more. Intertwining your fingers, keeping him there. The pain had forced the monster away, talons no longer threatening to protrude from your nailbeds and spine ceasing its contorting. You are lucky, graced with an opportunity to feel something beneath the endless pit in your stomach. To feel him.

“Don’t stop.” Your breathless words are more than enough to encourage his continuation, slotting himself between you legs and pressing the suddenly tight fabric of his sweatpants against you. A soft sigh falling from your lips, head tilted back, hair fluffing up on the mirror as he began to rock against you.

“I wont.” Slow, at first, as if testing the waters to gauge your reaction. Soft whines emitting from somewhere behind the skeletal teeth that were on display for you. Your hand scrunches up his hoodie, dragging his chest closer to you as he began to pick up the pace.

Needy and pathetic, his hips grinding rougher against your pajama pants, the tent in his pants catching on your covered clit; pulling a gasp from you as you arched your back. He focused his movements in that spot, up and then down to elicit soft whines and moans from you. Matching his neediness, having been touched starved for so long.

You’d grown up with depictions of heaven, imaginary white fluffy clouds somewhere high above the Earth. But here, right now, you’re more than convinced this is paradise. Rough fabrics rocking against each other, keeping you grounded on the countertop you sit on, the mirror behind you beginning to fog up with your heavy breathing. Your hands still intertwined, the harsh stinging drowned out at the near bliss you faced.

Hes sloppy now, nearing his finish far faster than you despite your state. Harsh whines fall from him as he grinds against you a few more times before panting and leaning against you. He’s winded for a moment, catching his breath, though the hand not holding yours travels back down to rub against your core.

Hes rough, guiding you to gush around nothing. You can feel your heartbeat below, drumming uncomfortably as you bury your face in the neck of his hoodie. His hand slips below your pajamas once more, continuing to tease your swollen clit and soaked folds as tears pricked at your eyes, squeezing his hand to single for him to stop.

Within a moment, he did. Ceasing the torment though not removing his hand from under your pants. Allowing your juices to pool against the cotton of your underwear before guiding his hand lower, placing his palm flat against your thigh and removing his other hand from yours. It stings, the cleansing fire emitting from him, your hand already burned as he brands your thigh with his handprint.

“Perhaps we should act like this didn’t happen… I’m sure it would make being on a team awkward.”

“I-... Yeah. Agreed. I should, um, head to bed.” Awkward you lift yourself from the counter and fix your pajama pants, slipping off the granite and setting against the cold tile floor. Your feet still hurt, though not nearly as bad as they had hurt before and surely nothing in comparison to the feeling of him against your skin.

He gives little more than a nod as you slink out the door, stumbling down the hall to find your own room and quickly running a hot bath. It would soothe you, make everything better, you deemed. Stripping to allow yourself to sink into the warmth as a sigh falls from your lips, eyes drawn to the handprint marked on your thigh.

You trace the outline with your finger, over and over almost obsessively and silently cursing him for his words. An asshole, you remembered, your least favorite in the little ragtag team. Though, with the way he had whimpered and moaned against you, you were halfway convinced you may be able to fuck the sarcasm and ill wit out of him.

#doctor phosphorus #dr phosphorus #creature commandos #creature commandos dc #smut #x reader #doctor phosphorus x reader #dr phosphorus x reader #i need that radioactive man so bad

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kit-kat-jo · 4 months ago

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My Murder Drones Finale analysis… 1/2 - 2/2

i stayed up until 2 am with friends last night (who i roped into binging the series with me) freaking the fuck out and theorizing, so next morning post hello!

i am FAR from done with this series, it’s been my hyperfixation and comfort show for over a year, and i pray y’all don’t die out too quickly because i have so much left to share. This show and community has blessed me in so many ways, and no way I’m letting it go just yet.

so now, of course, my frame by frame crazy analysis! ready? cool!

spoilers of course!

firstly i love how the first character they hone in on is the teacher, just laying on his desk and accepting his fate. like “really?……. ok. i guess.” fucking hilarious. man is so done.

the solver straight up pulling a Cluster from Steven Universe is not what i expected…. but so on brand. truthfully i don’t understand how in the end, uzi killed THIS whole fucking thing too when swallowing the [null], but if this finale proved anything to me its that about fifty loose ends are kept loose. and that’s… oddly okay with me?

you spin me like a ballerinaaa-

on my first rewatch i realized she tried to yell out “MOM!” in the vacuums of space… what if i just fucking cry?

mother daughter bonding… i’m so glad they have the chance to properly meet. :’) give this woman a drone body post finale so she can give her girl a hug…

SPACESHIP PILOOOTTT!! i love how all the fan content of N pulling Uzi from space into a ship came to fruition! it makes my little heart happy!!

proud of N here for being mad at her!! it doesn’t last long like i knew it wouldn’t, but still.

another thing i realized in my rewatch is that he stops being mad as SOON as he sees her cry? STOPPP😭💔

and yeaahhhh that doesn't last long.

CLOSEST to a walle kiss i got. and i’m HAPPY with it!!!!! just uh... gonna draw in that little spark later...

solver said: stop being straight :)

this whole scene makes my heart SCREAM, they’re so goofy and awkward and cute, they’re dating!!! i’m so proud of them!! them continuing to do coupley things throughout the fights coming next was absolutely too much.

oh you…. you hear something guys?? YOU SEE THAT?

MY WIFE LIVES!!!!! “itd be better if she stays dead nehnehneh” /lh NUH UH!!!!!!!! ANDDD she’s riding in on the fucking sentinel! my life…. my life is complete…. and i heard that “will it ever end for me,” so Eternal Dream IS one hundred percent HER song!

Oh, V. “We were supposed to get away, J! You said we do our jobs on this planet, and it leaves us alone!” as soon as this was said, i REALIZED. and oh, my GOD, all of V’s actions make so much sense now. J, as the leader of the squad, led V to believe that if they all did their jobs, killed blindly until no drone was left, cyn would leave her and N alone. no more messing with them, tearing them open, mutilating them and traumatizing them. as long as she made N do his job, he would be safe. I’M GONNA BE SO FUCKING SICK!!!!! J mislead them this whole time and was on the solver’s side! she knew tessa was long gone! as much as i wanted a J plot where she realizes she’s on the wrong side, i can’t say i wasn’t secretly expecting something like this.

“There’s no escape, even in death!” J has given up. she sided with the solver to end her own suffering. she sided with the abomination that was tearing them apart, tired of fighting against it. Oh, J. That’s so tragic. Fucked up what you put your teammates through, though.

the aforementioned coupley stuff. YAAAAAAALLLLLLLLUHHH. get a room

now to the fucked up shit. can i just say how much i love cyn’s animations here? she’s so fucked up. love her

you did a lot more than hurt his feelings girlie, LOOK AT HIM! his pure, horrific fear here actually broke me.

ran out of space for images! here pt 2!

#murder drones #md #uzi doorman #serial designation n #serial designation v #serial designation j #tessa james elliot #cyn #the absolute solver #glitch productions #liam vickers animation #murder drones finale #AAAAAAAAUUUGGHHH (sounds of being normal)

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leonismylove · 23 days ago

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Explanation & Boundaries

I’m sorry to all the people that’ve had to read my mean ass vent posts these last few days

I’ve been getting unreasonably upset every time people say they relate to how I feel about Leo, and I’ve been voicing my discomfort, but it all sounds really stupid and petty.

Leo is more than my favorite character, he is my special interest, and has been an ongoing hyperfixation for me for the last 2 years. He’s more than just a character to me, which probably sounds really stupid, but it upsets me to see others believe they love him as much as I do.

Which is, again, really petty and selfish. But it’s how I feel, even if sometimes how I feel is ultimately really stupid

I unfortunately gatekeep how I feel about Leo and get really upset when someone else thinks they love him as much as I do. Maybe they love him, but not nearly as much, and having someone say they relate to how I feel about Leo just makes me think they misunderstood how deeply I meant my words.

It angers me when people say they relate to me in some way, especially this way, because I’ve always been so conditioned to believe that I was different in a way that couldn’t be understood. So if someone thinks they relate to me, then clearly they’re just misunderstanding me again.

I set my boundaries, I kindly told people that I wasn’t comfortable with them expressing their love for Leo on any of my socials, and to keep how you feel about him away from me. The post of which I had to take down shortly after, because everyone was doing what I said not to do just to get a reaction out of me.

I’ve been conditioned to never voicing how I feel because it’s all really stupid. Getting upset over this Is likely really childish and immature, but it’s how I feel. I can’t control how I feel, what angers me, what makes me uncomfortable. So all I ask is for people to respect my boundaries, and maybe not make me feel like an idiot for letting people know how to avoid making me uncomfortable.

I’m in no way angry at anyone who crossed my boundaries without realizing! We all make mistakes and as long as you had good intentions, all is okay. I’m also not angry at anyone who enjoys Leo. If anything, I’m angry at myself for having such intense emotions over things that aren’t that big of a deal.

Who I am angry at, are the few people that proceeded to spam my messages with “I feel the same way”, “I relate to you”s after they’d already seen the post I made stating my boundaries. They did it just to get a rise out of me, and it was disgusting.

Please don’t mock or belittle how I feel about my favorite characters, or my ability to feel like shit over something so minuscule. I’m really trying to manage it, but it’s difficult. I don’t want to think how I feel isn’t valid. Please be kind.

I’m sorry to anyone I could’ve hurt by the aggressive ways I worded my last posts. I just wanted to be respected. I have pent up aggression and resentment towards a lot of people in the rise fandom because of how they’ve mistreated me. I don’t know if anyone is aware of this, but I’m very hated by a good ton of people in the rottmnt fandom for reasons unknown to me. Which hurts, but they clearly don’t care enough to empathize with me. Being told “you just rub me the wrong way” so many times has infuriated me.

Reasonably, being so hated by people I admire has made me very angry and bitter. And I’m sorry for the way I voiced that. I just wanted to be listened to.

I really hope to start drawing bluemelon again once art block eases up on me. It brings me so much joy, and I haven’t been able to pursue it because of how down I’ve felt which really sucks. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon

If you read all this, and you’re willing to hear me out and respect me, I really appreciate you. That means a lot. <:]

My boundaries

Please don’t tell me you relate to the extent of how much I love my f/o. This is going to sound selfish, but I promise you don’t.

Try to avoid talking about how much you love him when having a conversation with me. It makes me feel very gross.

Don’t joke about his death.

Take. Me. Seriously. For the love of god, don’t belittle me

Try and be understanding and careful with my feelings! Please be respectful. I am tired.

Reminder that I am a shifter! I view my f/o as a real person. When you tell me you love him, you are telling me you love my partner like I do. You can imagine it feels pretty disgusting.

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 3 months ago

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bbg hii!! its been so long omfg usually i do these checkups atleast once a month and i almost forgot HELP 😭😭😭 HOW HAVE U BEENNN !!

my birthday is soon woop woop (in november) (i think ive told u my age before but not gonna mention it here bc ppl would probably attack me LMAO) so thats fun 😋😋 ive also finally been drawing a bit more, my hyperfixations got me working overtime

I HOPE UR DOING WELL THO BIG SIS OMG <3

omg my baby hi!!! I knoww!! feel bad for not doing my bit but you’re such a cutie for that!! ive been okay all I can say lmao, not bad and not good. just in the middle lol. but how are you? how have you been? also, really do hope you’re not in zones for the hurricane, I see it’s awful

I remember!! I wrote it in my notes from last year, can’t believe how quick the year has gone wtf. can’t believe you’re gonna be 11 HAHAHHAHAHAH just kidding 😭😭😭 I see your drawings on my dash all the time and im loving it

loving and missing you!! hope you’re doing good💞

#ask #<33 !!

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yourstrulylordi · 1 month ago

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Dear Kathryn Hahn,

I’m writing to you because everything is your fault.

Ever since I got married to my beautiful wife I haven’t had a crush on anyone else. I suppose the only celebrity crush I’ve had is Jennifer Beals as Bette Porter on The L Word but that’s okay because I’ve liked since way before I ever met my wife, so that never caused a problem.

Well now you came along with Agatha Harkness and my little autistic antennas go absolutely bonkers and HELLO! NEW HYPERFIXATION UNLOCKED! So yeah… this is all your fault. Probably Jac Schaeffer too, but I’ll leave her out of it for now.

For the last weeks I’ve been completely immersed in Agatha All Along, watching every week’s episode, analyzing scenes and clues, studying the characters, sharing ideas and theories with strangers on the internet. This TV show started to heal something inside of me, this isn’t a story about witches, this is a story about women, about life, about finding one’s power. I’ve been finding my own power, I’ve been finding my voice and I have been fighting my biggest fear, which is to be seen. I’ve been reaching out to people whom I love and miss but I didn’t feel worthy of their love. I’ve been meditating, working on my emotions and negative thoughts. Trying to focus on the positive.

I’ll tell you a bit about us.

My wife and I are autistic, we both battle depression and anxiety, she also has OCD, so we deal with a handful but we are a team. We love each other so much and we are each other’s biggest fans.

My wife, she’s so precious, she’s beautiful, smart, witty, creative, intuitive, loving, funny, kind, a fighter, and is willing to give a lot for the people that she loves. But she’s so fucking terrified of living, she’s so angry at the world. She’s scared of being herself, of being seen, of being rejected, of being left, of failing, sometimes I think she is also afraid of succeeding and being accepted. She’s mad at the world for all the time it has failed her, for how mean and heartless people have been to her and are to others, for how selfish we as a society have become, always pursuing our own agenda and completely ignoring the well being of others and our planet, she’s mad because she’s also often misunderstood and made to be the “problem” (which also makes me mad), she’s always made to be too sensitive, too sick, too emotional.

She thinks she’s ugly and unattractive, but Kathryn… everyday I wake up and look at her I can’t believe how fucking lucky I am to be with her. We fought so incredibly hard for us to be together, I pretty much left everything behind and flew across the world to be by her side and I don’t regret it one bit. She’s my miracle. She gives me strength and hope and motivates me to want to get better and healthy and want to see the good things she sees in me.

So back to our problem… Agatha All Along. The real problem arose when I developed a celebrity crush on you… or on Agatha? I don’t know. My wife’s had a fair amount of boy crushes, the current one is basically present in our everyday life, we bought his vynils, I bought her a sweatshirt and a t-shirt from his merch, we have a poster of him on our bedroom wall, we watched livestreams of his performances all summer long, watched interviews, documentaries, I’ve learned all conspiracy theories about him, and I now find myself listening to his music on my own. At first I felt so hurt and jealous, like I wasn’t enough for my wife, I felt like she would leave me for a man similar to the crush, I felt like I wasn’t giving her what she needed so she had to seek for it elsewhere. But I knew deep down those were my own insecurities, I knew she loved me, I knew she makes a choice everyday to be with me, so I worked through the feelings and thoughts. I talked to her about how it made me feel, I cried, she cried, she promised she would stop liking him, I begged her not to because I knew it gave her a break from pain and obsessive thoughts and depression and anxiety and all her demons. She felt ashamed because she shouldn’t obsess about things like that, she’s 31, she should grow up. I don’t think so, I think it’s beautiful the childlike energy and passion she gives her interests and hobbies.

I know myself, as an autistic woman, that the way we experience life is different, we feel so deeply, when we like something it becomes a deep part of our personality, when we’re happy we feel endless and powerful, when we’re in pain we feel the deepest darkness within us to the point we think it might kill us. I love her autistic joy and I love mine. I don’t want her to repress any part of herself just because of my own traumas and insecurities. I want to work through them, because she’s not doing it to hurt me, she’s just enjoying life to the best of her abilities.

I know that all what I was thinking and feeling… she probably thinks it about herself. She thinks there’s something wrong with her, that she’s the reason why I am so obsessed with this fictional character, that she’s not enough, that I’ll leave her for a woman that fits the image of Agatha Harkness.

Dear Kathryn Hahn, you’re beautiful and charismatic, but even if you knocked on my door on that fabulous outfit that Agatha wears when summoning the road on episode two and offered to take me, marry me, give me the world…. I’d ask for a picture and then close the door and go back to the arms of my beautiful wife.

I want her to know that, I want her to understand why I love Agatha so much, why I’m so passionate about this show. It isn’t about how hot you are or wanting to cheat on my wife. It’s about the story, it’s about Agatha and her relationships and losses, how she coped different than me with abuse and became a selfish asshole. I became an asshole to myself, I have spent years insulting myself, punishing myself, telling myself I’m bad and ugly and stupid and unworthy. I’m fascinated by the two polar opposites, I see what could’ve become of me. I don’t like who Agatha became and I don’t like who I became either. I want to find the light and power inside of me, I want to let myself be seen, be heard, be loved. I want to give the world a chance before it’s too late, cause after all Death does come for as all.

I want that life and I want my wife to have it too. I want her so badly to see how amazing she is, she doesn’t let herself be seen either, she masks as the person “she’s supposed to be”, and that’s so exhausting, I know it from experience. I want her to be unapologetically herself, I want her to say what she needs and wants, I want her to be loud, to say no, to try new things and enjoy failing, falling, and trying again. I want her to let herself shine because she’s my light, she saved me and she keeps saving me every fucking day.

I’m struggling because even though I know and understand how she feels… I know rationally that her feelings and my feelings are valid, that I didn’t intentionally hurt her and I am trying my best to be the best wife…. I feel like a piece of shit, I feel like I’m the biggest asshole, I feel like I should punish myself, throw away my AAA hoodie, cancel Disney+, self harm, do things that aren’t good for me, I want to hurt myself, I want to break me for hurting her.

I feel the same way she felt about her interest… embarrassed and like I should grow up and not like things so deeply.

I feel so undeserving of the tiny beautiful things. Depression is so crippling and debilitating… If I have to fight so hard for every breath of air am I deserving at all? Maybe I should just give up. But I know that’s not the solution.

Dear Kathryn Hahn, I know non of this is your fault. I know you haven’t done anything wrong at all, but it’s easier to blame you because you’ll never read this and it means it isn’t my fault.

Dear Kathryn Hahn… why?

Yours truly,

Lordi

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wisecrackingeric-2 · 1 year ago

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I think I’m a day or so late (I dunno, time zones are funky) but happy third Deathanniversary Unus Annus!!!!

I think I speak for everyone when I say Unus Annus changed my life in a way I honestly can’t properly describe. I met people I am still incredibly close with, I met my irl partner, I grew and I changed as a person alongside the channel, I realised I was trans- etc etc etc.

But unlike for some people, Unus Annus’ anniversary has never been happy for me. Right after Unus Annus ended, my Nanna’s pet cat Nigel passed away. For the first anniversary, my chicken who I loved like all hell Illinois passed away, the second my rabbit Frodo passed away and now this year, my childhood dog Hudson passed away.

I don’t remember life without Hudson. He was my best friend and was there with me through every single tiny hard time and milestone. His death wasn’t pretty either; he slowly mentally deteriorated to the point where putting him down would be kinder. So as you can imagine, his death hit me hard. Harder than any other pet ever has.

Not to mention, just a couple days ago, my parents announced they were splitting up- Thats been REAL hard. So in summary, the Unus Annus anniversary has never been GREAT for me. It honestly sometimes feels like a lil bit of a curse.

But I can’t thank Ethan and Mark for making Unus Annus in the first place. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it and Like I said; I wouldn’t trade the life experiences or the friends or the amazing community for anything in the entire universe. I don’t believe in the supernatural, so I’m sure all my pets deaths are just coincidences;

But I just hope that Hudson ESPECIALLY is somewhere out there frolicking and finally being able to run after so long. I wish I could’ve had more time with him- I wish I could’ve shown him my funky new resident evil hyperfixation and I wish I could’ve gone on one last run with him. But just like Unus Annus always said, we don’t get to pick when death comes. So in a way, Unus Annus has been a cathartic and nostalgic memory for me.

Hudson is the best dog in the entire world. I could talk for hours about all his little quirks and all the funny stories he had. He was my shaggy waggy tail doggy all the way until the end.

Rest in Peace Mr. Hudson. I Hope You’re able to run without being in pain wherever you are now. Memento Mori, Unus Annus.

#ericsart #tw: pet death #tw pet death #unus annus #memento mori

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dragon-queen21 · 6 months ago

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hi back again ! sorry for my small absence, my school year just finished and testing is approachin & ive been very stressed ☹️

but this time its gonna be about sanji (like the last two were supposed to) this is actually kind of angsty,, um,,, whoopsie

-i have a hc that during wholecake when sanji was with his family he was actually regressin. i dont think he was fully regressed but definitely wasnt fully big the entire time. please tell me you understand what im gettin at here. the amount of stress he must have been dealin with, unfortunately he needed to cope somehow, kind of angsty i know, but sanji fully regressin the second hes safe and with his crew again, and luffy (and the crew) just being there to help him (they didnt leave his side for hours)

-sanji is the straw hats resident baby like i said in a previous ask i believe that him and luffy regress the youngest, both needin the most care and attention out of everyone else in their straw hats agere universe. hes not as clingy as luffy, but will get fussy if someones not with him

-for some reason i am so diggin usopp watchin lil sanji, I DONT KNOW I FEEL LIKE THEYD HAVE A BLAST

i feel like usopp would be tryin SOOOO hard to helo sanji have a good time considerin usopps not his primary cg

-the girls are the ones who mostly care for sanji when hes little, robin being a little more motherly, and nami bein sweet and spoiling the hell out of him

-sanji called one of the girls “mommy” once and got SO embarrassed. locked himself in the kitchen stress bakin until the one he gave the title too came and talked to him

-once JUST ONCE he called zeff when he was really little and was genuinely tryin his hardest to act big when he was talkin to zeff. i cant imagine how he would react exactly, or if he woukd even understand what was happenin or what agere even was, but he raised this boy he can tell when somethins up. imagine franky, or robin, brook or someone findin him and having to slowwwlllyyy take it away from him and apologize to zeff so he can get back to his job

OKAY IM DONE BECAUSE IM TIRED RAAAH I HOOE YOUR HAVING A GOOD DAY sorry i think this is really difficult from my normal asks/rambles sanji is more personal to me than anyone else on the crew so i think about his highs and lows a lot more than anyone else in the crew! im sorry if its a bit to angsty ☹️

(also sorry i want to drop this,, inosuke agere? real? him regressing and hes just like a nonverbal baby boar. very very energetic kiddo)

(ive also been slightly fixated on ‘metal family’ recently as well. mom the hyperfixations are fightin)

📷

Hi hi! Good to see ya :D please ignore how long it took me to respond, this has been such a busy week for me and my mental health has been a roller coaster. Ooh I get the stress before tests, praying to Jesus for you that all goes well <3 Make sure to study a little, take breaks, and get a good night sleep before and I bet you will do just great! :D

Okay onto headcanons now~

~Sanji kind of teetering between headspaces is so real. Not feeling safe enough to fully regress but also his brain pushing him to be small because he’s upset and usually being small means getting comfort. He would probably crash and burn for days after once it finally hits him that he’s safe. Practically drunk of off familiarity of his crew.

While I am kind of aware of whole cake I’m not up that point in the anime, if I was I would give you a better comment, but alas :<

~The resident baby prince. Ahhh I love him so much. First thing I thought of is Sanji being sat in the corner with a blanket and some toys content to play by himself, but the moment whoever is watching over him leaves it’s instantly tears and crying. Object permanence who? If the baby can’t see his crew they therefor must have disappeared and left him and he is going to be sad about it forever. Never to be consoled agai- oh wait never mind they’re back now. All is right with the world.

~Usopp watching over anyone would have a blast. Let’s be honest- it’s Usopp. Something about him just screams caregiver coded.

~Okay but Sanji calling Robin “mama” promptly realizing what he’s said because Robin is so shocked she’s not responding, he’s not about to stick around and find out what she thinks of the accidental nickname, and going to stress bake for hours <- the best idea ever. It makes me so happy. Bdbjbcjdnjdnsj (Like I haven’t said this a hundred times before, I’m soft for mama Robin can you tell :3 )

~I’ll raise you one. Calling up Zeff but it keeps happening when Sanji is looking after regressors. The phrase “I’m telling!” gives Sanji a near heart attack. The ex pirate has gotten used to getting calls from little straw-hats, so imagine his shock when it’s Sanji regressed and calling.

These weren’t too different I would say. Besides I absolutely adore angst just as much as I love fluff. Like let the baby’s suffer a bit >:3

(Very real. The most real actually. Inosuke never got to experience a normal childhood. Let. Him. Cope. 👏)

“mom the hyperfixations are fightin”

😭😂 love that

I’ve never heard if metal family before. I do however understand the fight between hyperfixations. (Looks towards the 5,000+ word Genshin Impact fic I’ve been writing and essentially ignoring all my other current projects for) It’s tough being in multiple fandoms, the struggle is real my friend

#mayliz rambles #one piece agere #agere headcanons #fandom agere #anime agere #age regression #sfw agere #age regression headcanons #📷 anon

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twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for · 2 years ago

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This is going to be a long massage and my English isn't so good, so pardon me.

First I gotta say I just saw and followed your blog tonight (but somehow managed to read your posts for the last 3 months I think) It's amazing how you know UB members so well like you're the writer, I can't even imagine myself there one day. I liked your posts (especially the one you said about M being totally perceptive towards the Detective. You know, the one Mishka said M wouldn't notice if the Detective didn't talk to M due to an argument, I totally agree with you there.)

So, to the question (I hope it isn't too cliché): How do you think UB would react if the Detective sacrifices themselves to save LI from mortal danger?

(Bonus: The danger being the Annunaki, and the Detective somehow takes down his protective barrier permanently, then dies smiling)

I’m so glad you like the blog and my answers! I do my absolute best to do these characters justice with all the comfort they’ve given me. You don’t want to go down the rabbit hole I have though to get here it’s a long, sad, hyperfixated journey lol

It’s no secret that thinking about the detective dying and UB’s reaction to that is my favorite flavor of ice cream so I may have answered this before but….

I think A would be able to go back to some kind of normalcy. Obviously they’re destroyed and traumatized by losing the detective, that was their soulmate, but A has lived a certain way for so long that I think they would go back to it. I see A keeping the detective’s memory like a little secret just for them and I don’t think they would ever want to talk about them on anyone else’s terms. I think A would only talk about the detective late and when the mood was right and maybe only with N. As for in the moment, it kind of depends on if they get one last moment with the detective before they take their last breath. I can only see A reacting with anger that the detective would do that and that anger wouldn’t even be all targeted at the detective but also A themselves for not doing enough of being enough to make it so the detective would never have to make that choice. Probably say things or phrase thing in a way they regret but don’t worry they’ll accidentally break something (other than their own heart) thinking about it later.

N is probably the one that hurts the most to think about and I feel like it’s heavily implied that the scenario of the detective sacrificing themselves period, let alone for N, actually destroys N as we know them so it’s so hard to say who they would be after. For some reason I’m getting the vibes that N turns into someone that a stranger can look at them and be like “That is a haunted man/woman” right away and I also for some reason see N starting to maladaptive daydream. I could see them thinking daydreaming about moments that will never come or seeing like the ghost of a memory whenever they pass by a bakery or something. Probably a lot of nudging and support from UB to keep them moving. In the moment, N would probably react to the detective’s sacrifice with denial. They didn’t just do that, that didn’t just happen, their breath and heart isn’t slowing, it just can’t be happening. If N gets to say anything to the detective before they go I think it would be panicked lies that N absolutely has themself believing that they’ll be just fine and to not fall asleep. Pretty promises are made to take them away from all this, leave it all behind, and take them somewhere where nothing can hurt them again if they just don’t close their eyes.

I feel like F would cope the best which isn’t saying a lot but I think they would. I also feel like they would honor the detective’s memory the best. I think whenever F would see things that reminded them of the detective they would have a sense of warmth and nostalgia rather than dread and would take any and every opportunity to talk about the detective to whomever would listen. Like people would be shocked to hear that the person F raves about is long gone because they would sound just as in love as they did before they lost the detective (please note this is also how I think N would be in the scenario that the detective died of old age, not by sacrificing themselves). F would probably have this feeling the the detective is always with them and some days are easier than others dealing with the fact they’re not. F can look back at memories and smile more than they’ll cry. The detective’s memory is one F tells sweetly and often. In the moment, I think F would also react to the detective’s sacrifice with denial. F has unwavering faith in the detective and sees them as so capable that it’s probably hard to fathom. I don’t know how much F would be able to say, choked by grief. F wants nothing more than someone to choose them, they just wish it would stop being like this.

M is also an owie because they lose more than their soulmate they also lose their personal little slice of peace. I think M won’t be much different to outsiders other than M remaining faithful to the detective (I don’t know if Sera has confirmed that but I’m 100% sure that’s what would happen) and continuing to not have one night stands or any physical relationships like they used to. Life would more or less be like it was before the detective and I think like A they wouldn’t want to talk about the detective to anyone (also like A, I think M would only let N try to). I think M would look at the stars even more trying to find the detective in them, maybe pause every time they see a hot chocolate or a carnival. The memories of the detective would burn but they would never let them go. If the detective is buried, I imagine they would always say this is the last time they’ll visit the gravesite so they can look at the stars with the detective one last time but it’s one of many “last time”s that they never follow through on. I think in the moment M reacts with anger and will tell the detective what they did was stupid. Ask them how could they. M is more put together than anyone else in these situations so I think they’re rapid fire trying to think of a solution. If the detective had expressed a desire to become a vampire I think desperation would make M (literally) bite to at least try even after they know the detective’s heart stopped.

A/N: traumatized

F: honored (in a way)

M: Angry/overwhelmed

A/N/M/F: trapped in an eternity of grief :)

#me: these are my comfort characters / also me: so anyways I want them to suffer and suffer bad #the wayhaven chronicles #wayhaven chronicles #twc #twc detective #adam du mortain #ava du mortain #nate sewell #nat sewell #felix hauville #farah hauville #twc mason #twc morgan #twc adam #twc ava #twc nate #twc nat #twc felix #twc farah

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cypherpt2supremacy · 11 months ago

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So jikook drabble based on this????

Thank you so much for this request, babes. Enjoyed writing it!

Jimin hasn’t set eyes on Jungkook since the night of their wedding reception. The younger chaebol could hardly wait to make his escape from the brand-new luxurious penthouse that was gifted to them by Jimin’s father. When they had gotten back to the penthouse, dressed in stunning suits, they had barely exchanged a word.

There had been a lot Jimin wanted to get off his chest but he had instead swallowed every single word. He’d perched on the edge of the bed, and watched as Jungkook opened a suitcase and filled it up with all the new clothes that had come with the penthouse.

“Where will you go from here?” Jimin had asked, picking at his nails.

There was something about looking at Jungkook at the moment that proved overwhelming. He could feel his throat closing up, and there was no way he was going to let himself shed a single tear in front of the younger.

“I’ll be staying with a friend until I sort myself out.” Jungkook hadn’t thrown a glance his way either.

But then Jungkook rarely looked at Jimin at all. The elder was used to it. The pain of it wasn’t something that clawed at his insides. It was more of an echo that lingered and haunted him long after Jungkook was gone.

“I could return to my apartment,” Jimin suggested airily. “You could stay here instead. And I could just pretend to live here. Our fathers won’t be happy to learn we aren’t co-habiting so soon after the wedding.”

“Yeah, they can go fuck themselves,” Jungkook said, tone dripping with vitriol. “I did what they wanted. Married you. Now they can get off my dick. I don’t owe them a single thing.”

Again, Jimin swallowed all the words clawing at his throat.

“Very well, then. I will cover for both of us as best as I can.”

“Yeah, it’s what you’ve done best so, I trust you’d do a good job this time.”

As Jungkook stood in the hallway, his suitcase at his feet, he turned around and looked at Jimin, really looked at him. Jimin can’t remember the last time Jungkook looked at him. And he was struck then by how pretty Jungkook looked. Jimin was shocked to discover he forgot sometimes.

But right now, dressed all in black, with his hair styled back from his face, shirt open and silver chain glinting, he was the man of Jimin’s dreams.

The boy he has been in love with since he was ten.

All grown.

“They gifted us this camera today,” Jimin said softly, holding it up. “Can I take a picture of you?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Jimin hurried and snapped one before Jungkook changed his mind.

***

For the next one month, Jimin spent his nights after work, curled up in his sofa, drinking red wine and staring at the picture of his estranged husband that he’d snapped on their wedding night.

He wasn’t sure how to describe what was going on. He couldn’t say it was a healthy coping mechanism. It was definitely a hyperfixation, a degree of delusion and escapism. He wanted to believe that the Jungkook who’d stared at the camera loved him back just as much, didn’t marry him out of obligation and would return to him any day now.

Could be any day.

***

Jimin didn’t see Jungkook again until a year later. In the meantime, Jungkook had asked his permission to discreetly date around. Jimin had granted it, and he had lived in constant fear Jungkook would call one day and ask for a divorce.

But that call never came.

Jungkook did walk through his door, one day, however.

He returned, empty-handed, but there was a certain look in his eyes. A look Jimin knew so well but hasn’t seen on Jungkook since he was eight.

That little boy always looked at Jimin as though he was in awe of his existence, he looked at Jimin as though he hung the moon and stars and he trailed after him everywhere. He was Jimin’s shadow, and also his greatest joy.

“Jimin hyung,” Jungkook said, gaze earnest, tone as soft as the sea breeze on a Busan beach.

Jungkook hasn’t used the honorific since he was eight. Jimin felt his heart cave in on itself and then he was running towards him. He opened his arms and Jungkook collapsed in his hold, sobbing into his neck as though his entire world had come crumbling down.

“It’s okay,” Jimin said, running soothing hands down his back. “It’s fine. Hyung is here. Kook, I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

It took sometime but Jungkook did calm down. When he finally untangled himself from Jimin’s embrace, he said the words that Jimin has been yearning to hear his whole life, “I’m ready to talk.”

Jimin nodded and led him over to the sofa. As Jungkook sat down, his gaze fell on his polaroid picture that Jimin had taken on their wedding night a year ago and a half empty bottle of red wine.

He didn’t ask Jimin about it and the elder couldn’t have been more grateful.

#jikook #jikook fics #drabble #im open for drabble requests by the way #joo writing this was like 🤕#angst

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average-dragon-enjoyer64 · 1 year ago

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honestly, props to Asagiri and the anime directors. I have pretty bad empathy deficiency bc of the ‘tism, and I find it hard to feel emotions for fictional characters. I’ve only ever felt sad about the dog dying in fiction.

This is the first time I have genuinely been prompted to be sad because of a story. Anything else I’ve felt towards other medias could be shut off easily and was often confused with already existing depressive episodes, but if chapter 110 didn’t hurt me enough, the season 5 episode 10 did.

It goes to show how much meticulousness and raw passion Asagiri and Harukawa put into the story, and the individual developments of each and every character, as well as interweaving their respective identities, both fictional and real, into beautifully crafted relationships between one another. It’s the kind of story that I feel safe to hyperfixate on: an abundance of content, and the little easily missable details that often actually mean something.

While I’m no fan of sadness (as no one is, I should believe), the emotions that I have felt for each character have puzzled even myself - someone who is honest with themselves about their feelings due to it being a matter of safety and necessity rather than preference. Spending hours thinking about not only my current conundrum with the story, but also the way that it makes me feel, are some of the most valuable and precious times in my mind. I have had the privilege of watching characters grow through their trauma and flourish, and they have unwittingly triggered my own personal growth through the smallest of questions, like: Why do I dislike Dazai if he is a fan favourite? Why is he a fan favourite? What led to Kouyou being so sure that darkness can never be cured? Specifically, in that one flashback scene? Why does everyone dismiss Dazai’s suicidal tendencies so easily? Why don’t I like Kunikida? Who is Sigma, really? Nikolai knows much more than he actually expresses; what is he hiding? Literally everything about Fyodor…

While I’ve often seen my own feelings as more of a restriction - a burden that holds myself and others back, this story (and therapy) has brought so much clarity to my struggles. Even hearing some characters say things that have struck a chord with me because I had the same thoughts many years ago, and sometimes I still do.

The sadness that this brought me was a delicate blend of a burning passion and the end of a piano piece - nostalgic, and yet wishing that, hoping that, believing that, it’s still there. A small flicker persistent through thick and thin as the walls around it were burnt and discarded. So small that it is clear that there are only two possibilities: to relight it and allow it to rage as a forest fire, or to quietly quell it, and think of it every now and then, wondering if it was the right decision. Whether the flame will be revived of drenched, one thing is certain; this is a turning point, and the decision must be made immediately. That sense of urgency coupled with wishing one didn’t have to choose brings such a soft and calm ache in the heart. Tired, exhausted even, but still there is the last spark that will surely be extinguished if not supported immediately. A spark of longing, hoping, and dawning understanding.

I can’t even figure out what other people are feeling, let alone a fictional character, especially one as cryptic as Dazai. Still, there is no doubt in my mind that this is definitely his worst case scenario, the last outcome, the result that existed only in his ignored and downtrodden nightmares.

The elaborateness of his emotions are so clearly and yet fully portrayed that I can’t help but admire it, especially because I have so much trouble expressing emotions myself. Whether or not Dazai survives will not hinder the effect that Bungou Stray Dogs has had on me, and I will continue to support it in the future. After all, while I do like Dazai as a character, there is still much more I wish to learn about in more detail. I want to know more about Kouyou, Gin, Verlaine, Tecchou, Teruko, Yosano, Jouno, and the others.

It is cruelly ironic to me, that a series about dead authors with superpowers could comfort me and help me more than anyone around me ever did when I was in my fundamental growing years. Very few characters in Bungou Stray Dogs have confirmed disabilities (aside from some form of trauma), and yet I have been able to grow and understand them, and see them in myself in a way that no one ever could ever do to me thus far in real life.

Also it stopped me from keeping attempting suicide because Dazai did it as well and I did not want to associate myself with him in any way, shape or form. Hey, whatever works.

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ohnoitsjetster · 10 months ago

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jesse!!! hi!! i have one very important question for you: ARE‼️YOU 🫵🏼 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS🎤⁉️

(okay now for my real question, what’s your fav hatchetfield installment?? it could be a musical or nightmare time ep or even workin’ boys if you’ve seen it :] i’m curious!! oh also if you want you can tell me about orin, i’m vaguely familiar with lsoh but it’s been a while!! so yea, free pass to talk about your lil gay sadist of a dentist <3 this was just an excuse to give you an ask so yk you can really just talk about whatever)

SOL! Hi hi hi hi !! (Sorry for the late response)

OHOHO! A dual fandom ask !! This means another long rambling post for my four most dedicated followers to read!!!! Im sorry in advance!!! this will probably be boring to everyone but me!!!!

I think my favorite might be NPMD. That one changed my brain chemistry for sure. But so did TGWDLM, I really believe that watching Show Stopping Number at the tender age of, like 11… well it just explains a lot about how i turned out ([obligatory “fuck Robert manion”]). I also frequently shake Time Bastard, Killer Track, and Abstinence Camp around in my teeth like a dog like HAUUFHGIGJHJGKKGKFGKRGJ RFRRRGJGG RRHHRHHRHH HREHHEGEGHGRGHRHHHHFFNFHFGGHF like that. But yeah at the present moment I'm being insane about NPMD. The songs are all bangers (Yes all of them) and I am in love with every character (Yes every character). High School is Killing Me is kind of my anthem right now. For no. Particular reason. Also, your honor those three nerds are all literally me and also i am in love with them and also im that fucked up dead bully but in a totally normal way.

So. Speaking of fucked up dead bullies… ��,:]

Orin Scrivello, DDS <3 my beautiful bbg who has never done anything wrong in his life except for literally everything he did. Worst guy ever. But hey, you can’t choose who you rotate around in your brain, or how many Pinterest boards you make about it. Another instance of “he’s literally me but obviously not actually at all but I think he’s silly so that’s basically the same thing.” A tale as old as time. I don’t know how many queer awakenings one person can have but I was definitely already trans and bi when I saw Orin for the first(?*) time last year, and now, well now im the same but im more pretentious about it and I own a leather jacket. (*I actually saw LSOH a long time ago when i was way younger, but I didn’t remember it almost at all and I’d thought “The Dentist” was like this mad scientist type character, which, not exactly wrong ig, so anyway he’s been swimmin around in my brain making me silly for who knows how long, but yeah probably just since last year). I swear to cope with hyperfixating on such a fucked up character I’ve literally been making au’s in my brain where he’s morally ambiguous, or gets a redemption arc (he does not fucking deserve a redemption arc he deserves to be chopped up and fed to a bitchy gay plant), or where he’s literally just a nice guy. Yeah I’ll sometimes just remove the character from this character to appease the brain demons. But the cool thing about the Not an Asshole™️ AUs is that, in the og, the whole story basically goes south when Seymour justifies killing to feed the plant cause he can kill that jerk Orin, so if he’s not a jerk maybe they all survive?? Idk i just like thinkin. Also… ALSO!.. I made a post a while ago that I might someday make Orin textpost memes using pictures from my actual stage production, and well, that day has come! or, will come, soon. I’ve made the pictures I just have to make the post. It was very fun Im excited to share em. Okay thats all TYSM for the ask bestie!!!

Oh and to address your first question…

I 🧑🏻 AM 💥 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS 🎤 ✅

#with Action News. Weekdays at 10pm #thank you for the ask!#i am given new life by the ask!#forever in your debt for the ask!#sorry it took forever to answer #starkid #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #little shop of horrors #lsoh #orin scrivello #rambles #saying stuff

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loadednachosao3 · 1 year ago

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I'm so happy to see you posting again!! We all miss you and your fics/art! Also, it's great to know that you are still as obsessed with Lacho as ever! I feel like everyone has moved on, and I'm still shouting about them into an empty room, lmao!! I cannot get them out of my head, and my hyperfixations last for years!

haha thank you anon!! just as a treat, here's the opening to the newest chapter of LANMAP that I'm STILL WORKING ON MIND YOU:

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

Lalo raises a brow. “Doing what?”

Nacho snuggles under his arm, flanked against his side, nice and warm. “Watching porn together.”

“This,” Lalo says, settling back against the headboard, “is not just any porn. This is the porn I’ve put my blood, sweat, and cum into for weeks.”

Nacho’s nose wrinkles. “Cum? I thought you were just directing this one.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

Rolling his eyes, Nacho says, “Whatever. Show me your masterpiece, Hugh Hefner.”

“Hugh Hefner didn’t direct porn, he edited porn mags.”

Nacho socks him in the shoulder. “Play the fucking movie, asshole!”

Lalo chuckles and hits play. Dramatic music scored by Domingo plays over a scene of all their actors in skimpy clothes dressed like elves and orcs. They charge at each other like they’re going to fight, but it soon devolves into a (rather artfully-shot) orgy, over which Lalo’s own voice narrates.

“The world is changed,” he says. “I feel it in my cock. I smell it in the air.”

“Starting off strong,” Nacho mutters, and Lalo shushes him.

The orgy scene plays out, culminating in a dildo wearing a cockring spinning through the air and landing next to one of the actors. Nacho laughs his ass off at that part, and keeps laughing all the way until the next scene fades in.

“Man, I’m so glad it’s my birthday ‘n’ shit,” Skinny Pete says. “Thanks for coming, Gandalf the Gay.”

“It is my honor, Dildo Faggins,” says Badger in his long white fake beard. “I brought you a present before you depart on one last gay adventure.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

Badger throws open his robe, under which he wears nothing. “This dick!”

Lalo laughs along with Nacho as Badger and Skinny Pete begin to fuck.

“Jesus,” Nacho says, “I see why they call him Skinny Pete.”

“Man’s got a body built like a Halloween skeleton,” Lalo says, nodding in agreement.

“I was talking about his cock. Like, it’s long, but…”

“Oh, yeah,” Lalo says over the sound of overblown moans. “It works, though.”

“I can see that.”

#I'll finish it eventually I prommy #ask tag #anonymous #fic tag #lanmap

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greatygreatgreat · 2 years ago

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I may or may not have hyperfixated on the plot summary for the Valentine’s Day episode *pulls up research* (I apologize for how long this is going to be, I’m an Aquarius and I love conspiracy theories/theories in general)

So first off, we have the official press release from ABC:

“Valentine’s Day” – On Valentine’s Day, the Abbott teachers discuss their relationships and plans for the holiday. Janine finds out one of her students has a crush on her and when turning to a colleague for advice, she inadvertently learns a secret about another teacher. Elsewhere, Ava sits in on Jacob’s Black History class after receiving a complaint

The most notable parts I took from this were “turning to a colleague for advice” and “about another teacher” since they never mention names. Could this be a red herring? Maybe.

Plotline A and plotline B normally don’t have that much overlap character wise, besides the cold open or the stinger, since they are usually happening at the same time during the school day. This means we can cross out Ava and Jacob as the person Janine turns to for advice (Jacob would so spill the beans to someone though). This leaves Barbara, Melissa, Gregory, and Mr. Johnson.

As far as the big secret (Gregory’s crush) goes, Mr. Johnson is the only character who could be involved in plot A who has made direct note of this. Barbara has noticed something budding but hasn’t said anything and Melissa would not get involved. Lisa notes that “[Melissa is] very committed to ‘mind your own business.’ It's not your business, so stay out of it.” which implies she is staying out of it. The press release mentions “another teacher” so Gregory would theoretically not out his own crush. Although we haven’t seen Mr. Johnson as involved with Janine compared to the others, it would not be surprising if he jumped in to help (potential reference to the Olympic village and his many past lives in addition to the fact he was bumped up to series regular this season).

Side note: Tyler mentioned that he wants Janine and Gregory to have a “unique spin” on the will they won’t they. Sitcoms (and long running tv shows in general) normally have their main couple established in season 2 so it could allude to deviating from that or something else.

Another theory going around is a secret about Melissa whether that be something with her ex, her current boyfriend, or the possibility of her being queer. Lisa has confirmed that "Yes. You will see [Gary] as well [as Kristen Marie]. And it's great” (EW interview). It would make sense for Gary to make a return whether it be as her date since they mention the teachers talking about their plans or he could return with a lack of V-day plans (his initial date offer to her was Dave & Busters so who knows what he’s like). Lisa has said that:

“there were a couple of interesting romantic moves that happen before the end of the season. I’m not going to say what, but I think the audience is going to be really happy. Also, they’re just gonna be enthusiastic. Last year, when people were saying, ‘What do you want to see happen?’ and I gave a scenario…that’s gonna happen and I can’t tell you what it is, but it’s coming up and I loved the episode. It was a big episode. I think it might be my favorite episode this season […] but I think this one that I’m talking about was probably planned. It was kind of a no brainer. If you tell me three scenarios, I’ll tell you if it’s one of those.”

From what I have seen in various articles, she doesn’t talk too much on other characters and their relationships (i.e. Janine and Gregory) so whether it is in this episode or later episodes, something presumably good is going to happen to Melissa. I don’t have a link to an interview but I believe I saw that she mentioned Joe and Gary will both come up this season. A lot of people have mentioned some of her lines that are really queer coded with the most recent being the “decisive women are hot” line. Lisa loves interacting with fans and has been known to repost work wives content as well as just generally supporting the LGBTQ+ community and their love of her characters which plays into her enthusiasm in the interview. This could start a major plot line for her if Janine were to catch on and bring back her sister since she mentioned Kristen Marie would be coming back this season (EW interview was post Principal’s Office episode for reference).

The last teacher who could theoretically have a secret would be Barbara. In the fundraising episode, we see her go back and forth with the church ladies about church-like behavior. We haven’t had a multi-episode plot line with Barbara and even though there “isn’t a weird thing about her” we saw her crack at the end of season 1 when she contemplates retiring so we could see a moment of weakness from her this season. We also haven’t seen her husband or daughter in a while so it would be interesting to see either of the two reintroduced since they have connections to Abbott. Although we haven’t seen too many of her weaknesses, she isn’t the type to be direct with the cameras so this could add to the inadvertently part of Janine learning someone’s secret through someone else.

Apologies for all the word vomit and thank you for reading my silly little 2am thoughts!! If y’all have any other interviews or theories, I’d love to hear them.

#abbott elementary #yay hyperfixation #i love research and papers #2 weeks is too long #surprisingly a business major and not an english or writing major #so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes

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