#can you tell im procrastinating going to bed

[dontwanderoff]

ive had the kip&co x ken done collab in my life for all of five minutes and now i don't know how to go on without this as my doona cover

[bmpmp3]

speaking of photoshoots and prop styling and fashion games i do hope someday we can get a game that expands on something like the advertisement photoshoot minigame in Fashion Forward ‘cause like that mightve been my favourite part of that entry of style savvy

we got girls fashion shoot and if you speak japanese the much more expansive nicola games but what i REALLY want is them to go all out. not just fashion and posing and hair and makeup GIVE ME PROPS give me props i want to HOLD STRANGE OBJECTS. let me hold a inexplicable wizard staff that matches my bright pink frog themed outfit like we’re in a 2000s jfashion magazine

[bosspigeon]

idk i just thought it'd be fun to see them all together :3

[kitasuno]

dating the love and deepspace boys | domestic moments

featuring: rafayel, xavier, and zayne x gn!reader

(´• ω •`) ♡ modern au! can you guys tell raf is my favorite..?

rafayel

a year younger than you. lies to everyone (including you) that he’s actually two years your senior. you only found out he was younger than you when you met his parents, who have his birth certificate framed. 

hates cats. despises them. they fill him with rage (fear). says he’s allergic (he’s lying).

“oh shit raf, this sucks! i guess you can’t move in with me.. i have cats”

“...you have cats?”

“yeah. 3.”

“i’m not allergic. i can move in tonight.”

chronically online. minoring in marine biology and majoring in annoying you. texts you over 200 times a day and if you don’t respond, he’s faking a horrible chronic illness. again. it’s amnesia on wednesdays, appendicitis on thursdays, chronic migraines on fridays… etc..

he has 2 followers on his private twitter. you and thomas. 

over 700k followers on instagram for some reason? he sells paintings on depop (he says it's depop but you’re convinced he sells them for heinous prices on the black market) 

cooks on occasion? has an apron that says kiss me im irish (he's not irish?) made you a tuna cupcake once?? 

pescatarian. not in the vegan/vegetarian way where he refuses to eat red meat but because he’s absolutely feral over fish. (is this cannibalism? he says its not)

lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with you but doesn’t use his bedroom. says your bed is comfier. turned his bedroom into a painting studio (IT’S for the black market you say!!) and sleeps with you. 

“raf,” you sigh. “don’t you have.. homework or something?” 

he sits between your legs, back against your chest as he scrolls through his phone. 

“yeah,” he says. you flick the back of his head because you know he’s smirking. “it’s called assignment: you. due in two minutes.” 

with his free hand, he reaches back mindlessly to grab yours. you sigh, fingers intertwining with his, a reflex as he leans his head back. his eyes meet yours and you can’t help but laugh. 

“well?” you ask, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he squeezes your hand. “what are the assignment details?” 

he chews on the bottom of his lip as he thinks, humming while his eyes wander across your face. he swings your interlocked hands in circles. it’s raining outside, the heater is on, and rafayel is warm like hot chocolate. 

“what?” he says, his cheeks a tinge pink. “you’re looking at me like that again.” a pause. he turns, his head now buried in your chest.

“just studying my homework.” you say, hands instinctively wrapping around his back. the laundry machine is running in the background, rain is falling against the window, and you faintly hear your rice cooker dinging in the kitchen. home, you think, is with rafayel.

“i can hear your heartbeat.” he says, voice muffled. “it’s super fast. you like me or something?” 

“i really like you.” you say, without skipping a beat. rafayel groans into your chest, sighing in discontent. 

“no fair. i’m supposed to be the flirter.” 

you press a kiss onto the top of his head and you feel his body melt into yours. the two of you fall into a warm silence, his breath steady as he traces paintings into your neck. 

“raf?” you mumble, eyes drooping. he hums in response. “did you pass your assignment?” 

he smiles. “with flying colors.” 

xavier

chronic napper. (yapper?) 

has 100 late assignments. failing all of his classes yet got into the top university in your country because he got a perfect score on his entrance exams. you thought he was a nepo baby (turns out he’s just.. smart?)

his procrastination rubs off on you… he is the WORST distraction and he knows it. so smug about it and uses it to his own advantage. will perch on top of you when you’re studying and kiss down your neck until you go to sleep with him. 

lives in the apartment on top of yours but is at your house most days, if not all. you ask him to move in.

“am i not already.. living with you?” 

“don’t you still have your apartment, though?”

“yeah..?”

 is that good for the economy?? is it financially smart? not at all, but he’s too lazy to move out and put his apartment up for lease. 

xavier sleeps with his legs entangled with yours and his arms wrapped tightly around your chest. the air conditioning hums in the background as you scroll mindlessly on your phone, dimming the brightness as you hear xavier stir. 

“sorry xav, did i wake you up?” you ask. he doesn’t respond, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he glares at your phone. 

“xavier?” you question, swallowing a laugh at his ruffled hair and disheveled clothes. 

“phone down.” he says, voice raspy with sleep and an octave lower than usual. you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“can i get a pretty please in this economy?” 

xavier’s eyes narrow as he snatches your phone away, snoozing the device and placing it on the nightstand next to you. his lips ghost your neck, pressing kisses against your skin as he mumbles incoherently in the dark of your bedroom. 

“xavier-” you breathe, giggling at the sensation. “that tickles!” 

he nips at your neck. 

“bedtime. now.” 

zayne

3 years older than you 

he literally has his whole life together at 27 which scares you so much

“my credit card is your credit card” typa boyfriend

cooks. cleans. has a 9-5. you’re interning at the hospital that he works at (he’s head doctor!!)

you’re just a sweet little intern and zayne is the big bad monster!! everyone at work thinks he hates you because he’s extra strict on you. doesn’t give you any special treatment, ‘ignores’ you most days (but also slips meals into your locker and hands you heat packs on cold days in the hospital)

no one knows he’s dating you until one day someone sees you leaving in zaynes car. 

“oh, you carpool with doctor zayne?”

“huh? no, we live together.”

“you WHAT???”

he’s a virgo……. erm……

the two of you get ready together in the morning. his guard is down when he’s sleepy and he’ll cling to you as he brushes his teeth and does his hair.

you wake up to the cold night breeze, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and shivering as you scan your surroundings. you yelp as you meet the attentive gaze of your boyfriend. 

“huh? whuh? huh?” you splutter, squirming as zayne holds you tighter. he’s carrying you bridal style in his arms, his jacket around your shoulders as the two of you walk to his car. you see the bright lights of akso hospital fading away behind the two of you. 

“it’s two am,” he says calmly, placing you down gently as he opens your car door for you. “you waited for my shift to end. again.” 

you smile bashfully, rubbing the back of your head. “well, i didn’t wanna just leave you!” 

zayne clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, eyebrows furrowed but gaze warm. he guides you into your seat, clicking your seatbelt in place. 

“you can nap on the way home,” he says, closing the door and sliding into his side of the car. 

the heater’s on already- courtesy of his super expensive electric car. he fastens his own seatbelt and hands you a hot tea and bread from the hospital vending machine. 

“drink up. doctor’s orders.” 

you grin before he leans over to press a kiss on your lips. 

“thank you for waiting for me.”

[salemlunaa]

USING SATS FOR THE VOID OR ON ITS OWN:

a guaranteed “method”, where all that you desire is owed to you

IM BACK BITCHES!!!

DID YALL MISS MEEEE?? BC I MISSED YOU

anyway, i know i talk alot about not needing methods, and its true, you don’t need anything but yourself to tap in to the void/“I AM” state. However i dont really see SATS as a method and i think it’s great to consider when looking at loa and shifting

“what is SATS?”

you may ask, well, that is the abbreviation for the “state akin to sleep”

as you can see, the word “akin” means something of a similar nature to, so the state akin to sleep is basically the name to describe the lightheaded, woozy state before you go to bed bed

You can visualise what you want in this state, or you can affirm, you don’t need ten thousand affirmations, one can get the point across you’re a god and the operant power so even with one vague affirmation, your subconscious mind knows exactly what your talking about.

“when will i be able to see my results?”

you may also ask, and let me tell you it is guaranteed that you why what you want as soon as you wake up. This is why this “method” is popular in the loa community because it one of those where your subconscious mind is in full control.

An example of this could be Neville Goddard’s manifesting class. He asked that his students affirm/visualise climbing a ladder during SATS. He then told them to affirm against it during the day, telling themselves that they will NOT climb a ladder. He told his students not to come back if they didn’t climb a ladder and everyone returned.

This example just shows how powerful we can be when we let our subconscious mind take the wheel. All our doubts and fears cancel out and whatever we desire becomes real and no longer remains a desire. You can use this to enter the void, visualise your void and affirm for it and you will wake up there. You can do this for absolutely anything you desire. you can use SATS on its own, a lot of people just love the void so they use SATS to get there, but affirming for your dream life or visualising you waking up in the bed of your dream reality is another method other than the void.

A lot of you may struggle with this because you either, “can’t fall asleep” or you “fall asleep too quickly” while your mind was wondering and to that i say STAY DISCIPLINED!! The same way you would stay disciplined while studying for a test or while working a shift at your job is the same way you must stay disciplined while doing this method. It’s okay to “fail” the first time, and you’re more than allowed to feel upset waking back up in your shitty “reality”. But don’t beat yourself up about it and know that you can always do it again. You can simply decide that SATS is easy for you and it will reflect. always.

And as i always say, you don’t have to wait for the night to do this, ofcourse if you have things to do you don’t need to put them on hold but you don’t need to wait for the night to come, you. an fall into this state at ANY TIME OF DAY, so there goes another excuse for you to procrastinate. Now get to it love, because i KNOW that you can do this.

WAKING UP WITH YOUR DESIRES GUARANTEED SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, BUT DONT LET THAT SCARE YOU. ��💋

[lostgirlmuseum]

Who the Hell is Daryl?

Summary: Bucky is in love with you, and finally finds the courage to tell you. But what happens when it sounds like someone else is already in the picture? (Miscommunication!)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Avenger!Reader

Words: 2k

Warnings: Miscommunication trope! Only one small mention of “Y/N”, teensy bit of yelling, let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Wrote this a couple days ago and put it in drafts, spontaneously posted bc I'm procrastinating on an essay. Okay I'll get back to hw now :(

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

He was going to do it. He was really going to do it. 

He was finally going to ask you out.

-----

To the surprise of everyone on the team, you and Bucky had become fast pals after you joined six months ago. Something about the two of you clicked. ‘Opposites attract’ and all that, but Bucky always felt it went deeper than that.

The two of you had never argued, something he felt very proud of, considering he argued with most people. But not you. Never you.

The moment he decided that he needed to man up and ask you out wasn’t anything fancy. You were sparring with Wanda across the gym, and he was simply watching you work in tandem. He watched the entire 15 minute session, and didn’t take his eyes off you, even as you approached him. 

“Buck, I’m out of water, can I take a sip of yours?”

He nodded, “Sure, Doll,” and tossed you his bottle. 

You shot him a charming smile and opened the cap, and not-so-gracefully chugged half the bottle. You wiped your upper lip and handed it back to him. 

“Thanks, Jamie,” you breathily said, and jogged back to the arena. 

His head was completely empty except for a single thought, tumbling through his desert mind like a tumbleweed.

I’m going to marry her someday.

He shocked himself with the thought, he wasn’t sure where it had come from. But he couldn’t help the grin that snuck its way onto his lips as he realized he didn’t disagree with the thought.

Of course before marriage is dating. One step at a time Buck. 

After his realization, he had spent the next three days planning the perfect way to ask you out. He went through an entire list of ideas, but none of them seemed good enough for you. He wanted it to be perfect. But as the clock ticked on and he started running out of paper, he realized it was best to just be honest about his feelings. 

You had just gotten back from a solo mission, and Bucky was hanging out in your room as you showered.

He was blushing like an idiot and fidgeting like crazy on your bed as he waited for you to hurry up. It was surprising he had so much self control as to not blurt it out while you were showering.

“Oh, Bucky,” you called from the bathroom, the sound of the water pausing.

“What’s up?”

“Could you set an alarm on my phone for 7:30 A.M. tomorrow before I forget? I think I left it on the side table.”

“You got it, Doll.”

“You’re the best! I’m almost done, I’ll be out in like two minutes,” you called, and soon after the sound of rushing water resumed.

Bucky grabbed your phone and typed in the passcode, his heart fluttering a little as he thought about how you trusted him enough to know it.

But the flutter stopped almost as quickly as it started, the moment your phone turned on and resumed on your text string with someone. He would’ve ignored it, but a red heart at the top of the screen caught his eye.

Who the hell is “Daryl,” and why does he have a heart emoji next to his name?

Bucky couldn’t help himself as his eyes flitted over your last texts.

Daryl ❤️ I’m back in town, lemme know when you’re around 

You About to leave for a quick mission, but I’ll be back tmw evening. I miss you sm :( how about we meet up Monday morning at 8 at Bernie’s cafe?

Daryl ❤️ Lets do it. And I miss you too, can’t wait to see your beautiful face!! I love you, be careful

You Love you too, and Im always careful 😘

Bucky felt sick to his stomach. You had never mentioned a brother named Daryl, or any other kind of family member. And you’d told him about all your closest friends, and none of them were named Daryl. How did Bucky not know you had a boyfriend?

Bucky fought the urge to scroll up, and quickly tapped out of the app, and set the alarm you asked him to set. 

So you were meeting this “Daryl” tomorrow morning?

Bucky heard the water stop, and the sound of the shower curtain shuffling.

Shit. You were getting out. Fuck, he wasn’t ready to face you.

You’d never mentioned you were in a relationship before. He would remember. How long have you been dating? And more importantly, why did you keep this from him? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust him? Maybe you weren’t as close friends as he’d thought.

“Which movie did you want to watch tonight?” You asked, peeking out of the door with a turquoise towel wrapped around you.

“Um, I’m actually really tired, suddenly. I think I’m going to go to bed.” Bucky stuttered, avoiding your gaze as he quickly stood up.

“Oh, okay,” you responded, disappointment and concern lacing your voice. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Glad you got back safe. Good night.”

With that, Bucky ducked out of your room and practically ran back to his.

Bucky tossed and turned, and once he got over his embarrassment, he settled into a familiar depressive feeling. Of course you didn’t like him back. What the fuck was he thinking? He’s—well, he’s Bucky. Broken, only destined to ever be your friend. How could he be foolish enough to think you would love him like he loves you. At about hour 4, the heartbreak started turning into betrayal. Betrayal that you kept this from him. And soon enough, that betrayal festered into a kind of resentment, something he’d never felt for you before.

He didn’t get much sleep that night.

Bucky checked the clock for the 20th time in the past 5 minutes. 7:45 A.M. You were probably about to leave. Bucky felt his heart clench. He was usually up by 7, and eating breakfast in the common area by 7:30. He sat at the barstool, dragging his spoon around his now soggy Coco Puffs, waiting for you to appear. Why he felt the need to torture himself, he didn’t know.

Finally, he heard your steps coming down the hall. 

And there you appeared, wearing the most beautiful sundress he had ever seen. It was lavender, and had small white flowers adorning the skirt, and it fell just above your knees. 

Bucky took you in, and his momentary adoration turned back to his heartbreak. You were dressed up as if you were going on a date. There was no chance this wasn’t your boyfriend.

“Good morning Bucky, did you sleep okay last night?” 

“Yes.” He lied. Maybe you would tell him the truth if he asked. Yes it would hurt hearing the truth from your mouth, but he wanted to give you a chance to tell him your secret. “Where are you headed?”

“To meet a friend,” you nodded smoothly. 

Maybe Bucky was crazy. Maybe he was overthinking all of this. Maybe Daryl really was just a friend.

“Which friend?”

“Penny.”

So you were just flat out lying to him now. Bucky nodded and waited for you to leave before moping back to his room. He wanted to cry. And he did for a minute, or two, but his tears turned from sad to angry when he remembered you were now lying. You never lied to Bucky, and Bucky never lied to you. At least, he thought that was how it was. He clenched his fists, mad at you for betraying him, but more mad at himself for believing he could ever have you.

He didn’t move from his bed.

“Bucky?” Your voice emerged after three knocks to his door.

He couldn’t get himself to respond. 

The door slowly creaked open, a stream of light flooding his dark room.

“Hey Buck. You okay? You seemed a little off this morning.”

“Fine.” He mumbled, not turning over in bed to face you.

A pause. 

“Jamie, what’s wrong?” You asked, closing the door behind you and flicking on the light. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?” You asked, slightly taken aback. You thought he loved your affectionate nickname for him.

“I don’t want you to call me ‘Jamie’ anymore.”

“Okay…”

He felt the bed dip as you sat next to him. 

“Bucky,” you whispered, “please talk to me.”

He sat up and gave you a pointed look. Was he being immature? Yes. But what could he do, he just discovered that his best friend has been lying to him, and doesn’t love him.

“Where were you?” He asked.

You furrowed your brows a moment, trying to piece together where he was going with this. 

“I was at Bernie’s with Penny.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He sneered.

Your eyes widened at his bite.

“I’m not lying? Bucky, what is going on?”

“What’s going on is that you’ve been keeping the fact that you have a boyfriend from me. Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“A boyfriend?” You blinked. “I don’t have a boyfriend,”

“Why won’t you be honest with me?” He yelled, and you scooted back.

“I am!”

“Then who is Daryl?”

“What?”

“I saw your texts last night, when you asked me to set your alarm.” Bucky looked down at his lap, ashamed.

“Bucky,” you sighed, and a look of understanding crossed your face. A moment later you held out your phone to him.

“What?” He asked, dumbly looking at your outstretched hand. The screen was on your text string with Daryl.

“Call the number.” You simply said.

“What?” He repeated.

“Take my phone, and call the number.”

Confused and suspicious, Bucky grabbed your phone and hesitated over the call icon. 

“Go ahead,” you urged.

He pressed the button. 

Ring.

Ring.

Ri—

“Hey!” A familiar feminine voice rang through the speaker. “What’s up hon?”

“Hello?” Bucky said, looking from the phone to you to the phone.

“Uh, hi? Is that Bucky?”

“P—Penny?” He sputtered.

“Hey Bucky! What’s up, is everything okay? I thought Y/N was calling.”

“Hey Pen,” you interjected, “Everything’s fine, I’ll call you back in a bit, kay’?”

“Sure thing, bye, love ya,” Penny added, and hung up.

Bucky stared at the now blank phone, baffled.

“I don’t understand.”

“Bucky,” you sighed, and tilted his chin to look at you. “I don’t have a boyfriend. Penny is in my contacts as “Daryl” because it’s my funny little nickname for her. My Dad has had a best friend since grade school named Daryl, and they don’t see each other often, but when they do it’s like nothing has changed. They get along like no time has passed. I call Penny “my Daryl” because I know that even if we don’t talk for years, we are so close that I know we would be the exact same.”

Bucky sat quietly for a moment, simply taking in your story. He felt really stupid.

“I’m sorry,” he started, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry I called you a liar.” He struggled to meet your gaze, ashamed of what he did.

“Jamie—can I call you Jamie now?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Jamie, I forgive you. But I wish you had just talked to me about it, and asked me. We are usually so good about being open with each other. What happened?” You asked, wide eyes looking into his.

“I know, I’m sorry. I flipped out, I guess I was just shocked, because I was going to—” he licked his lips, “well, I was…”

“You can tell me, Bucky. Honesty, remember?” You soothed, placing your hand on his leg.

He gulped.

“I was going to ask you to be with me.”

You tilted your head, not quite understanding.

“Like, I was gonna ask if you’d let me be your boyfriend.” He mumbled. “So when I saw that you were texting and saying ‘I love you’ to some guy, I guess I was just blindsided.”

“James,” you smiled, moving yourself to sit on his lap. You brought your forehead against his. “You silly, jealous man.” You gently stroked his cheek with your right hand. “You want to be my boyfriend?"

"It sounds so juvenile, I don't know, I just want you to be mine, and for you to call me 'yours,'" he mumbled.

"I accept," you giggled, and watched his glittering eyes shoot to yours.

He had started to say something, but he stopped when you brought your soft lips to his.

“I'm so happy,” he whispered between kisses.

Suffice it to say, Bucky completed step one of the path to marrying you.

A/N: Tysm for reading! If you liked it, please feel free to let me know!

Also I'm sorry if the ending sucks, I wrote this in a couple hours and Idk why I'm so bad at endings gahh

Here's my Masterlist if you'd like to read more!

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

Can i request a super fluffy and sweet hotch fic where reader is baking and hotch is sittinh there on the counter admiring his wife, like theres music and r is just glowing and aaron is thinking ‘oh im so lucky to have her’ and ughhh im craving sweetness pls give me fluff thank you

fem wife!plus size reader, wc: 515.

a/n: i've been craving some sweetness too, so this fluff was for me and you 😭 thank you for your request!

It's so incredibly late that when Aaron enters your shared apartment with the expectation of you sleeping, all he sees is the way you jump and almost knock over your mixing bowl when he calls out your name from the dark.

“Holy shit!” You swear, your hand — which was covered in flour — slapped itself over your racing heart. “Jesus, Aaron, you scared me.” You sighed in relief.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” You watched as he set his briefcase and go-bag down on the couch. Aaron looked exhausted; his hair was air whipped and disheveled, there were slight darkening bags under his eyes, and those frown lines from all that scowling and frowning he does. Your boyfriend was here, and he was home, safe and sound.

You looked at him with a sweet smile as he rounded the counter sluggishly. “Hey, handsome.” You greet him quietly, almost as if it was a secret between the two of you. You throw your arms around his neck loosely while his hands fall lazily on your hips.

“Hi.” His body relaxes under your silk touch, your fingers threading themselves through his cropped hair. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you wanna be home now?” Aaron squeezed your body closer to his at the question. “I wanna be home.”

An intimate silence fell over the both of you before he pulled away slightly, looking at the messy island that was covered in baking ingredients.

“What are you doing?” He inquires in a soft tone. “Oh! Jack has a bake sale tomorrow and I kind of… procrastinated making them. So now, here we are.” You confess with a sheepish smile.

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I’m okay - wait! There’s actually one thing you can help me with.”

“And what’s that?”

“By sitting your cute ass down and telling me about your week.”

He smiles at your wording but relents and allows you to shuffle him out of the kitchen and into one of the bar stools.

He rambles on about his week while you listen and occasionally add your commentary when something peaks your interest. He stares in awe at your multitasking, but also at the fact that you look so serene.

You have a severe case of bed head, and your pajamas are wrinkled, followed by your messy hands and the blotches of flour littered on your clothes. You put Jack above your sleep and felt butterflies flutter in his stomach.

How was he able to find someone like you?

After Haley died, Aaron was convinced that maybe he was just meant to wander the world alone, and watch his son grow up. But then… there was you. Sweet, beautiful, outgoing you.

When he had said something funny in the monotone voice of his you laughed, and the sound rang like twinkling bells were in his ears. It completely overlapped with the soft tunes that were playing from your phone.

It took him a while, but Aaron was glad that he learned how to love again, because you had been waiting for him for a long, long, time.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus

[lon3rlife]

Why wasn’t I invited?

Rick Sanchez x Fem!Reader

You and some friends go on a trip, but Rick can’t stand to be away from you (Aka Rick being clingy and soft for once)

You’re in your apartment doing some last minute packing that you have been procrastinating on for days. You go through your closet trying to figure out how you’re going to fit a week of clothes into 1 suitcase and a carry on bag. As you throw some clothes onto your bed that you’ll fold later, you turn to see a green portal appear and your boyfriend walking into the room rambling on about something that you’re to busy to even be paying attention to.

“Woah baby it looks like a fucking tornado went through this place. Why the hell are you packing a suitcase? Where are we going?” He asks taking a quick swig out of his flask

“What do you mean we? I’ve been telling you about this trip for weeks.” You say annoyed that he obviously didn’t listen when you were going on about your excitement for your trip. You and some old friends are going to Europe for a week on a girls trip, you are actually pretty excited to get away for a bit and spend some time catching up with people you haven’t seen in years.

“Wait-where are you going? Why wasn’t I invited? Who’s going to be going? How long are you going for? When do you leave?” He spits out a million questions at once

“Did you seriously not listen to me when I was telling you?” You say aggravated as you attempt to fit more clothes into your already full suitcase

“N-no I didn’t, I was doing something important and I didn’t think you would be going without me.” He continues on but you’re to annoyed to deal with him right now.

“Listen I’m leaving tomorrow morning can you at least drive me to the airport?” You ask in a final attempt to resolve this situation.

“Y-yeah of course. Can I spend the night tonight? I mean I haven’t gone two days without seeing you since we met and I don’t know how I’ll be able to sleep without you.”

As you fall asleep you hear Rick mumble something about not wanting you to leave, but you’re too tired to be able to fully make out what it was.

The alarm goes off at 6am sharp. You try to get up but Ricks arms are firmly wrapped around your waist with his face nuzzled into your hair.

“Rick come on the plane leaves in an hour and a half.” You say secretly enjoying this rare moment of affection.

“Five minutes.” He mumbles

“Two”

“Fine”

You lay down closing your eyes for a minute and turn to face him. You give him a quick kiss and pull yourself off of him, and rush to the bathroom to get ready and make sure you have everything.

After some hustling around the apartment to get everything you need Rick sleepily gets out of bed and you guys drive to the airport. As he’s driving you he’s very quiet. You’re not to surprised at his silence due to his anxiety over you leaving but it still worries you a bit.

“Well I’ve really got to go.” You say giving Rick a gentle kiss goodbye as the final call for your plane is announced.

He wraps you in a very firm but gentle hug, resting his chin on your head.

“Im going to miss you.” He says as you walk off

The trip is great. You catch up with people you haven’t seen in years, you get to visit places you’ve always wanted to, you spend way to much money getting souvenirs for Rick and the Smith family, and get time to relax alone as well.

Being in a relationship with Rick is not easy. You guys are constantly on an adventure or working on something new. It’s pretty nice to not have to worry about yours, your boyfriend, or his grandsons life being threatened for once and you have time just to relax and have a bit of fun.

By day 4 of the trip though, you’re pretty exhausted. The constant sightseeing and social interaction is pretty tough, but you’re still having a great time. You go to bed around 8 to catch up on some well needed rest.

You don’t know what time it was, but it was very late. Your friend who you’re sharing a room with is sound asleep on the pull out couch in the room.

Out of the darkness of the room an all to familiar sound of the glowing green portal appeared out of the pitch black of the room.

“Rick what the hell are you doing here???” You whisper scream trying not to wake your sleeping friend up.

“I haven’t been able to sleep without you. Please can I stay here for the night I’ll be out before anyone wakes up and if your friend wakes up I’ll erase her memory no big deal.” He says way too casually.

“Jesus Rick. Okay just tonight, and you have to be up before she wakes up.” You say still disoriented and tired.

As your eyes adjust to the darkness some more and by the faint glow of the moon you can see the sleep deprivation and stress on Rick’s face even more so than usual. The second he gets into the bed he wraps his arms around you he practically melts into you. You feel his muscles relax and his breathing slow. His arms resting on your lower abdomen and he’s asleep almost instantly. You feel a little sad seeing him curled up on you sleeping so peacefully after obviously not being good mentally for the past few days. After a bit of laying down sinking in this moment you end up drifting off.

You awake abruptly just as the sun is about to rise hoping that your friend didn’t wake up, but you open your eyes to find her still passed out on the couch. You turn to face Rick, who is sound asleep lightly snoring with his long arms still wrapped around you.

“Rick you need to get up.” You say in a loud whisper.

“Mhm.” He grunts sleepily

“Seriously Rick you can’t just crash a girls trip unannounced.”

He pulls you closer and you try to figure out a way to get him out of the bed before your friend wakes up.

“How about we go walk down the street, get some breakfast and watch the sunrise?” You say desperately hoping that will get him up

“Okay.” He says finally opening his eyes

You guys head down to the café to get some breakfast and sit out on a park bench to watch the sunrise.

You check your phone to realize you have completely lost track of time and was supposed to meet your friends in the hotel lobby 15 minutes ago.

“Shit Rick I really need to leave. Please take care of yourself I’ll be home in 3 days, and then we can spend as much time together as you want.” You say rushing to get your stuff together

“Orrr I can just meet you tonight?” Rick asks hopefully, with a face you really can’t resist.

“Okay but you need to leave before sunrise.” You say giving him a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying to meet your friends.

[wolfytae-exe]

hi!! can u do a spiderman gyu smut^^?

Hey!! I can sure try! Cant guarantee it’ll be good-

————————————————————————

Genre: smut

Pairings: Spider-man!Beomgyu, Afab!Reader

Warnings: Manhandling, Degradation and Praise, Edging, Bondage, spitting, orgasm denial, overstimulation, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, squirting, facial, unprotected sex(wrap it before you tap it),creampie, mating press, forced orgasm, this was written on multiple occasions so if it sounds like a broken puzzle i apologize.

Note: unedited, i’ve been getting a lot of asks and i’m VERY behind LOL i need to catch up so i cant edit these after writing them. I kept procrastinating this im sorry- it might seem a bit rushed

Summary: in which you confront your boyfriend whose been hiding a secret from you for years

———————————————————————

You had been sitting in your bed for an hour waiting on your boyfriend to come over and spend some time with you. All you had gotten was a quick text from him telling you there was a ‘problem’.

You and Beomgyu have been dating for 2 years now, now both juniors in college, and he’s been keeping a secret from you the whole time. Not like you didn’t know his secret already, but when he would text you like this and call his crime fighting a ‘problem’ instead of straight up telling you he was Seoul’s very own spider-man you always felt your heart crack.

You know the man like the back of your hand and he still managed to not trust you enough to tell you. You’ve known since before you both even dated, your crush on him prominent before you even knew.

You would notice every time he wouldn’t show up to class, coming in late or missing lunch after watching a news recording on his phone. He always came back disheveled and flushed, like he had been running or working out. At first you had assumed he had sex a lot, always ditching class to get his dick wet.

But soon after that thought crossed your mind you caught him. You watched him take off the mask after throwing some petty robbers into prison. It only made your love for him grow, knowing he was so strong and brave enough to risk his life everyday just did something that made you fall for him harder than before.

Eventually you both began hanging out, he managed to keep his eye on you as well as being a hero and being top of his class. He really made you feel special that way so you always made sure to understand that when you have to wait for him, it’s okay because he’s saving lives.

As quickly as you fell into your thoughts you were dragged out of it by the sound of your phone ringing, notifying you that your boyfriend finally had a time of peace to come see you.

A smile was now stuck on your face, excited to see Beomgyu after a few days of him practically ghosting you. You quickly responded, throwing in a couple hearts out of excitement before hitting send.

—————

Half an hour has passed since Beomgyu sent you the text that he would be coming over. You’ve started to lose hope already, the food you made him,, your mothers tteokbboki recipe she gave you before you left for college,, was now cold.

As you began packing the food up back into the fridge you heard a knock. Closing the Tupperware of rice cakes you walked to the door, peeking into the peep hole just to find no one there. “what..?” you muttered before hearing a louder knock, this time behind you.

Slowly you looked behind you to the balcony your dorm was accompanied with. There was no way Beomgyu was coming in through your balcony right? You live on the 5th floor for fucks sake, this wasn’t really how he was going to tell you his secret right?

Your feet pattered against the floor as you made your way to the balcony, opening up the door with a confused look sketched all over your face, and there he was, Choi Beomgyu standing there with a bashful grin and annoyingly normal clothes. “Hi pretty.” He spoke with a slight rasp and whisker smile.

You just blinked, looking behind him at the drop of your balcony. “How did you get up here, Gyu?” You asked with faux confusion, more so wondering what he would say.

Beomgyu turned to look over his shoulder, peeking at the drop as well before looking back with a now nervous grin. “I- well- I climbed.” He admitted, unsure how to explain how he even did that.

His answer stunned you though, he just straight up told you. “How did you even do that, there’s nothing but balconies up here and it’s the fifth floor Gyu.” You called him out as he you gave him room to walk in and get his jacket off.

As Beomgyu walked in he took in your words trying to find an excuse. He only showed up on the balcony cause he forgot his spare keycard in his dorm, used to just jumping out his window whenever he’s needed by the police. “I sorta maybe forgot my keycard at my dorm.”

You rolled your eyes as you closed the balcony door. “Well no need to dwell. I made my mom’s tteokbboki, find a movie and i’ll heat it up.” You spoke, getting some pressure off his back as you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before making your way to the kitchen.

Beomgyu gave you a firm nod before making his way into your room. You proceeded to reheat the food you packed up already, thinking about whether to tell him you knew his secret or not.

Once the microwave announced that the food was ready you took it out, giving it a quick stir and grabbing some drinks before heading into your room. You were a little tense, mentally pushing yourself to tell him after keeping it from him all this time.

As you sat down, Beomgyu moved closer, helping you get settled on the bed with him. “So what movie did you pick?” you asked while passing him a soda can. Beomgyu happily took it from you, thanking you in the process before responding. “I picked that new spider-man movie, the new york spider-man everyone keeps making movies about.”

Beomgyu spoke with a tinge of jealousy. “Well he must be really good if he has this many movies.” You responded while fishing out a rice cake from the red sauce. “I like our spider-man more.” Beomgyu said firmly. With a giggle you nodded. “I like our spider-man more too.” You agreed, ignoring the way his face lit up in response.

Beomgyu reached for the remote to play the movie and you took a bite of the chewy and spicy meal, humming at the taste of it. After the movie began playing Beomgyu grabbed his chopsticks and went for the boiled egg at the bottom of the bowl, it was always his favorite part of the dish.

You watched through your top eyelashes as he practically scarfed down food. He must have grown an appetite from fighting. “Hungry Gyu?” You questioned him and he stiffened, pausing to actually chew and swallow his food before nodding. “I didn’t eat at all today.” he admitted as he grabbed more rice cakes and sauce.

You shook your head. “Why didn’t you eat?” You asked, half concerned and half scolding him. You knew the answer but if he wasn’t going to tell you, you might as well make him feel a little guilty about it. “Ah w-well..” He muttered, using his index finger to move his bangs out his eyes. “I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.” He said with a pout.

You just stared, waiting. There was no way in hell he was going to come clean after all this time of leaving you in the dark. You watched as he lifted the sleeve of his hoodie. It seemed normal enough, but then he went and reached under the scrunched sleeve and pulled out the red sleeve of the suit, the iconic spider web design laced into it. No fucking way.

You just stared at it. Do you act shocked? Do you tell him that your knew? You were panicking. “I knew.” You muttered, looking back up just to freeze at the darkness in his eyes. You were expecting everything but that. “Since when?” Was all he said. He never let his satoori slip around you, he knew it sounded a bit harsh at times but in this point in time it seemed like he genuinely didn’t care, practically spitting it out harsher than it needed to be.

You frowned, not even wanting to answer his question. “Before we started dating.” You answered anyways, waiting for the harsh response to come in. But all that was given was a sigh and a soft “Why did you never tell me?” Your frown stayed however, knowing he was still upset. “I didn’t want to add on to your stress, being spider man is already hard enough without someone knowing your identity, why would i make it harder for you?” you answered with a question back, knowing there was no answer.

“Show me..?” You asked, leaning forward into him a bit more. Slowly but surely Beomgyu turned his wrists upward, the small holes in his wrists were barely noticeable, opening and closing with his heart beat only slightly. You watched as he reached across your room for your unplugged lava lamp. Nothing happened for a moment and you just looked at him, finally realizing he was staring at you. “You really knew for that long?” He questioned you again but all you did was nod, watching his wrists once more.

You had expected his to throw his hands into those iconic spider-man signs but instead he kept it open, flexing his forearm for a second before the webs came shooting out to the lava lamp, sticking to it immediately as he pulled it back to you both and catching it with one hand. You flinched at how close it got to your face but calmed down when you registered you were safe.

Slowly you reached over to touch the webs as he set down the lava lamp, it was thin and stringy, sticky and elastic. “So cool..” You muttered as you dragged a thumb over the holes against a wrist, jumping back when you heard him let out a noise. “Did that hurt? I’m sorry, Gyu!” You apologized ferociously, panicked that you had went too far.

Beomgyu just laughed at you. “ I liked it.. Felt good, I never had anyone touch my spinnerets before.” He admitted with a small blush to his ears. “Then may I?” You asked this time, unsure if he would be fine with it or not. Once he gave you a firm nod you went back, pressing a finger on the pulsating holes. You slightly grazed your nail over it and felt beomgyu squirm.

“Does it really feel that good?” You asked him, raising a brow. All he did was hum in response, a tight lipped nod following. “do the webs only shoot out fast? oh my god do you eat insects?” You threw questions at him left and right, now curious about how much of him is spider.

Beomgyu just snorted. “I eat like a normal human being Y/N, I’m not a complete spider. and my webs have always come out fast, sometimes there’s a blockage sometimes where they won’t come out at all but they’re never slow.” He answered tugging at his bottom lip as you kept running you thumb over the holes, fascinated. You never got to see them before, it’s all so new to you.

Beomgyu soon let out a whimper when you wouldn’t let up on his spinnerets. “Y-Y/N..” He whined and clutched his hand into a fist, not wanting to rip his hand from you because of the sensitivity all while trying not to make it so known he we slowly getting aroused by the feeling.

Eventually you pulled back, noticing how he was panting, practically begging for air. “Was that too much? I’m sorry I’ll calm down.” You said, now wondering how good it must feel if he’s reacting this way. It didn’t take long to figure it out however. Your eyes glanced down for a moment only to double take onto his gray sweat pants, specifically his crotch, a small patch darker than the rest in a tattletale manner that the superhero was leaking precome ready to cum in his pants untouched, not to mention the bulge that accompanied this small spot.

Beomgyu saw your eyes, flushing in embarrassment. “I- I didn’t know that would happen Y/N. I swear-“ He tried to explain himself, cheeks red. You cut him off however, placing a finger on his lips before leaning down to his wrist where the holes rested.

Once your finger moved he questioned you. “What are you do- ah fuck-“ He gasped out as you licked over the holes. Wanting to see just how sensitive he could get. The reaction was good enough for you so have another lick over the hole and blew on it, letting the cold air cause him to shiver.

The feeling went straight to Beomgyus cock, making him buck his hips at the pleasure. “That really does rile you up, Gyu.” You said with a smirk, dragging your lips up his arm to his shoulder, then to his neck, jaw, cheeks, and finally his lips.

Food and movie now forgotten you crawled into his lap, his arms immediately pulling you in at the waist as you explored each others mouths, teeth scraping each other and tongues covering every area of your mouths. Soon enough he pulled off, both you guys catching your breath as he lifted your chin up, you being a bit smaller in his lap allowed him to sink you down enough to fully look over you.

Beomgyu lifted your chin, holding your mouth open with his thumb on your bottom lip before spitting into it. “Swallow it.” He said with a growl and you did, a hum following before you both went back in, your hand going straight to his sweats, palming and gripping his cock through it. You guys were never really aggressive when it came to sex or foreplay, but with the way Beomgyu initiated this and the way you teased him you just knew this was going to be fun.

Eventually you both broke apart, filling your lungs back up before Beomgyu quite literally tore off your shirt, grabbing it by the hem and ripping it into two just to get to your breasts. With a moan you let him grope you, feeling his cold hands glide over your bra before lifting it up and exposing your breasts and hard nipples.

Beomgyu was usually soft and vanilla with you, gentle and calm but tonight it’s like he snapped, a whole new person. “God I should just stick you to this wall and have my fun.” You hear him mutter into your chest. “Fuck, Gyu-“ You whine as he starts sucking on your nipples, let them harden in his mouth and grow more sensitive.

Once your nipple is hard and you’re squirming in his lap he lets go, taking off his own shirt before pulling off your shorts and underwear in one go. You’re helping by unclipping your bra and going for his pants, which he slaps your hand away and picks you up. You let out a yelp as he quite literally manhandles you.

Once you both are off the bed he’s pinning you to the wall, his bigger hands over your smaller ones, keeping them above your head. All you could do was look at him, surprised more than anything that he was going through with his thoughts.

At some point in you staring at him he flips you to face the wall, mushing your head against it as he webbed your hands in place. It was sticky but soft at the same time, like a silk glove that was wet before being worn.

You tried to wiggle out, testing the strength of his webs for yourself and you didn’t even budge, completely stuck to the wall. You whined as you struggled to see him but it didn’t last long because you felt his hands on your hips pulling you back into an arch, ass out and hands stuck to the wall. Once he let go you were about to move but felt more webs stick you down, unable to move out of this uncomfortable position.

“Shhh just let me use your pretty hole baby, don’t worry i’ll make sure you get to cum.” he whispers into your ear, running a cold finger down your bare back, giving you a quick shiver that ran all the way down to your cunt. You feel him pull away and try to turn your head but your arms blocked from your sight.

soon you hear him shuffling, you can’t pin point what he’s doing so you whine, wiggling your ass to him in an attempt to fuck you already. Your skin was already burning up at this point, feeling hot under his silky webs.

“So impatient..” You hear him whisper before letting out a moan, taunting you. What is he doing? His he just getting off and leaving you here. You can’t see what he’s doing and it’s driving you mad.

That feeling went away however when you felt something wet rub against your folds. “A-ah~ Gyu please don’t tease.” You mumble as he hums, enjoying your wet folds on his cock. After a minute of back and forth rubbing he pushed through, You were so wet, so warm, so tight. A moan slipped from you and your head fell forward, caught by the wall you were of so close to.

As soon as he bottomed out he began fucking you, hands on your waist like you were some fuck toy for him to get off with. Whatever you had done to him had him in a haze, slowly his hands left you, fucking you with no hands as you followed his thrusts back anyways and brought his wrists up to his mouth, breath fanning over the holes as he pounded into your cunt. His heart was racing like he had taken aphrodisiacs.

“Fuck what did you do to me.” He muttered before licking at the holes that were pulsating with his heart. The feeling did nothing but travel straight to his cock, twitching hard inside you as he bucked harder. Your legs were trembling, unable to handle how aggressive he was being. The pace was unforgiving and the knot in your stomach was tightening painfully.

Just as you let out a whine, knowing you were gonna cum he pulled out. Your hips fell back into nothing but air and your heat clenched around itself angrily at the denied orgasm. “Why-“ You begin, protesting at the loss of your pleasure only to yelp in sensitivity as beomgyu comes back, his fingers on your clit.

You bucked into his fingers, he knew your body like the front and back of his hand, you always felt the most pleasure in your clit, being fingered didn’t do much for you unless it was his doing the work. “You did this to me, Y/N.” He panted, the speed of his fingers rubbing you building your orgasm right back up. All you could do was shift weight on different feet to try an get away, the pleasure was too much for you to handle, but that didn’t stop him from chasing your clit.

Soon your voice was so loud Beomgyu was sure you’d end up with several noise complaints. You, on the other hand, couldn’t even hear yourself anymore, only able to hear your heartbeat and ringing. Beomgyu watched the way your cunt clenched around itself, threatening to release more juices than it already had dripping out.

“Almost there, doll.” He hummed before dropping to his knees, fingers leaving you to start crying in frustration. You were impatient and in pain from the constant denial. Beomgyu watched your heat drip more and more pleasure, almost as a lure for him to come back. Luckily for you, he did, lips to lips he licked stripes up your cunt before completely going in.

His hands held you by your waist to keep your squirming to a minimum before he took your clit into his mouth, tongue rubbing in figure 8’s with no abandon. “O-Oh” Was all your brain could let out, Beomgyu loved eating you out, if he could live life with you attached to his face he would.

Your legs trembled at the feeling of his hot tongue making out with your lower half, you could feel his nose rubbing against your heat, prodding and teasing you further. Whimpers and moans mixed with the sound of Beomgyu lewdly slurping up your cunt like it’s his sole purpose was all that could be heard, along with the occasional “You taste so fucking good” he’d mutter against you in a pussy drunk haze.

Your position left Beomgyu frustrated at some point, wanting you flipped, so he left your cunt and stood up, wrapping an arm around your waist before reaching to your hands and ripping off the webs you struggled with, with ease. Your arms fell and your upper half with it, but Beomgyu tightened his grip so you only slouched and rubbed off the webs that stuck your feet in place with his own. Once you were free you were being thrown back onto the bed, completely avoided the half empty bowl of food.

Beomgyu followed your body to the bed, looking at the food in the corner of his eye before quickly slinging a web to the top that rested next to it and pulling it towards him. Catching the top with one hand as he crawls over you he pushes the lid onto the bowl before putting it on the nightstand. In the meantime you were whining and trying to get friction from his hard on as he crawled on top of you.

Once he felt it was safe to continue, and not in fear of staining everything with tteokbboki sauce he went back down, grabbing your thighs as he pulled you to the edge of the bed. Your legs opened fast, wanting him back to finish you off. “So impatient” He teased, knowing damn well he was edging you on purpose.

You let out another whine as he kissed your inner thigh, hands gripping your knees to keep you from shutting your legs on his face, not that he’d mind. His kisses fluttered from your knee to your bikini line before he placed a few kisses on your clit. You squeaked as you felt him slowly trace kisses from the hood of your clit to licking the ball of nerves.

Your hands, now free, shot down to his hair, intertwining your fingers into it before pulling when he flattened his tongue on your folds. Slowly he built up your orgasm again, kissing and slurping your arousal. He wanted you to cum just as much as you did, he wanted nothing more than to taste your pleasure as a reward for treating him so well, keeping his secret, and well he just loved to eat you out too.

His tongue teased your entrance a few times before pushing in. Your grip on his hair only tightening as you pulled his face in, grinding on his nose and suffocating him. Beomgyu was loving every bit of it, he took a hand off your knee and plunged his middle and ring finger into the wet throbbing hole after moving back up to your clit. “Oh-“ you let out. The sound were oh so lewd, making your heart pound even harder.

Quickly, your arousal soaked his fingers as he curled them up, hitting your g-spot with the pads of his fingers. “Oh god- Fuck Gyu.” You pant, arching yourself into him in hopes he quicken the speed. The feeling of your cunt in his mouth and his fingers in you had you severely overwhelmed, so sensitive from the failed orgasms, you were scared he was going to stop again so you held him tighter, grinding even harder into his face.

You orgasm snuck up on you, crashed over you before you knew it. Your legs shook and you mouth hung open into a silent scream as you seen stars, not even aware at the fact that you squirted in your boyfriends mouth, pulling him into and keeping him there to take it all. The feeling left you numb, you were dizzy and your body was buzzing.

“Fuck..” You heard Beomgyu in a muffled voice, slightly gargled. You slowly came back, letting him go little by little with heavy pants before looking down at him. Your thighs were soaked, along with his bangs and his lips and chin, some even making it to his cheeks and nose. A small groan rumbled from him as he came on himself, reacting to your orgasm.

“We aren’t done.” Beomgyu said, slurring over his pussy drunk haze. The hero pulled himself up and pulled you even closer, planting his hips in between yours before he slammed into you. A groan fell from him and a scream fell from you, overstimulated to hell because of him. “G-G Fuck Gyu- A-Ah~” You tried to pull him off, struggling to keep your legs open for him as you clit throbbed painfully.

Beomgyu only responded by closing your legs and pressing your knees to your chest, holding you into a mating press as he fucked into your gummy walls. “You’re so tight- So perfect for my cock.” He rambled as he slammed his hips into yours, pausing for a second to rut into you deep and hard before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back in. Your eyes rolled back as he leaned his head next to yours, licking the shell before whispering dirty words into them. Before you knew it, your orgasms aligned with one hit to your cervix and a matched groan left you both.

Beomgyu slowed down, moving back to rutting against your clit as he pumped his cum deep into you, practically breeding you as the tip of his cock kissed your cervix, begging to get you pregnant. Slowly Beomgyu pulled out, letting a long moan fall from his lips while you whined. His cock coated in both your cum, a ring around the base of his cock from the constant rutting and his cum came oozing out onto the sheets as he fully slipped out.

“Let’s get you cleaned up baby.” He panted, fighting another boner at the sight. You, however, didn’t hear him; completely passed out from the strength of both orgasms. “Fuck.” He muttered before pulling you up into his arms. “Ill have to clean you up myself.” He whispered before planting a kiss to your sweaty forehead and making his way to your dorm bathroom.

———————

im sorry this took so long to get out😭

I’ve been swamped with work.

[fushitoru]

rules + about me!

about me . . .

i'm an eighteen year old, and right now, i started this blog as a hobby to spend during my gap year.

next year, i'll be double majoring in math and computer science.

english is my second language. i can speak english, hindi, and spanish (but i don't speak the last two that well).

i live in america, but i was born and raised in india. i'm in the IST time zone right now.

as of right now, i only write for jjk.

my favorite anime is definitely jjk, but i mainly watch shoujo and sometimes shounen that i deem worthy of watching. for example, i've watched/watching aot and haikyuu.

i'm currently watching a lot of things, but i'm trying to get my way through haikyuu and heaven's official blessing.

some ground rules . . .

i block all unnecessary hate and performative type asks in my inbox on sight. don't try to get a rise out of me because you're not going to get a reaction. i'm also a stan twitter veteran (on armytwt LMAOAO) so you're not going to faze me. however, if you genuinely have an issue with something i've said, feel free to send me an ask. just be respectful.

i don't speak on discourse. my blog is a place to talk about writing and jjk, so i don't want to clog it with unnecessary things like that. please don't ask for my opinion on anything. if i ever do post something, i usually delete it in like an hour, lol.

i yap a lot about ideas i want to write someday. do not steal any one of my ideas. those are mine that i will be turning into a fic.

please ask for my permission whenever using my work for ai chat bots/anything ai.

i don’t age up characters in my writing. I don’t write dark content like pedophilia, yandere, noncon, incest, stepcest etc. i also don't write for mahito. i also don't write tragic endings or cheating fics. however, if you're someone who harasses authors for writing dark content, it tells me you're here to not to consume media and to move on by blocking, but to stir drama. it would be better for you to just block me, i don't really want to interact with you or have you on my page.

please put your age in your bio and don't be a blank blog.

please don't spam like (5-6 likes at a time) WITHOUT also spam reblogging. if you rb and like, i have no problem bc rb-ing will help me avoid getting shadow banned.

plagarism is not allowed. reposts are not allowed. ask for permission if you’re looking to translate any of my works. i'm only on ao3 (user fushit0ru) and tumblr.

please don't ask me to be mutuals. if you're a writer or someone who interacts with me fairly often, i'll probably follow you back. i prefer to do it naturally.

please don’t vent abt srs topics. im a teenager (18) i do not have the emotional maturity to give good advice my frontal lobe hasn’t even fully developed yet 😭 you are more than welcome to vent about non serious topics (i.e. friend drama, dating drama, school, work, procrastination, bed rotting, etc) where you’re looking for empathy and not for advice tho!

[wowcatboys]

Hi! Ur one of my favorite csm fanfic writers, and I hope you have a good day today. Since your request is still open, Im going to take advantage of it haha.... Can you write a headcanon for Quanxi, Power, and Makima where their s/o is a med student and they are struggling to adjust to a VERY busy schedule with almost no time for socializing outside of school and internships? There are also times where they sleep at 1:00 a.m. and wake up at 5:00 a.m., which is probably because I procrastinate A LOT and Im still wondering how I am still alive today.

Hi!! Thank you 🖤 I hope your studies are going well! (and dear LORD babe please get more sleep if you're reading this go to bed RIGHT NOW)

(Fem pronouns for Quanxi, GN for Power/Makima)

Quanxi

Quanxi isn't particularly social herself, so she struggles to understand why you miss parties with your friends or getting dinner with your family. After all, you're working hard towards a career you're passionate about, and the two of you have a good thing going. What more could a sweet, driven girl like yourself want? Still, she doesn't like seeing you stressed, so she makes it a point to get you out of the house on weekends. "You can do this later," she tells you, shutting your textbook despite your protests. "All your friends are already at the restaurant, and we'll only stay for a little while." She ensures you slip a little time for yourself in your packed schedule, even if going out to bowling alleys or movie theaters with your friend group isn't her favorite. At least she gets to hold your hand the whole time.

She's a master at taking care of her girl—Quanxi always makes sure that you're comfortable, even three hours deep into test-prep. She knows your favorite source of caffeine and keeps it on-hand 24/7. Whenever she notices your eyes start drooping, she wordlessly places a tall glass at your elbow, placing a quick kiss on the top of your head. If it's cold, she grabs a blanket and your favorite socks. If it's been a few hours since lunch and you're blatantly ignoring your rumbling tummy, Quanxi pops out to grab your favorite take-out. You never have to ask; she just knows what you need, and provides it without delay.

Though Quanxi worries about your sleeping habits and demanding schedule, she knows you're an adult and can manage yourself. She doesn't nag or chide you if you're putting your studies first, and forgetting to shower every now-and-then. She does what she can to help, and she always, always tells you she's proud of you. Whenever you're ready to scream at the paper you're writing or about to cry into a pile of flashcards, she gently rubs your shoulders. "Hey," she says, "You're working hard. I'm so proud of you." Maybe to anyone else it wouldn't seem like much, but Quanxi is so sincere and tender as she works the knots out of your tired shoulders. Her quiet words are almost always enough to give you a second wind.

Despite her policy to let you do your own thing, Quanxi does get after you if she notices you procrastinating. She knows you need a break sometimes, but she also knows if you put off your work too long you'll be ten times as stressed when you're staring down a looming deadline. "Hey, cutie," she pinches your cheek, gentle but insistent enough to make you scrunch your nose up. "You better hit the books." If you protest, she raises an eyebrow at you. "You know I'm right. Just work on it for a little bit, and then we can cuddle and watch your favorite show or something." As you pass her by, grumbling about your workload, she smacks your ass for good measure. It's usually enough to make you smile back at her, and stop complaining.

Quanxi buys you a set of scrubs in your favorite color. "So my girl won't forget about me, even when she's busy," Quanxi teases, and you roll your eyes. You reassure her with a kiss that of course you'd never forget about her, and she ruffles your hair fondly. It's your favorite set of scrubs, and you wear them almost twice a week.

Power

Power absolutely. hates. your jam-packed schedule. In her opinion, you should be devoting all that time to her! After all, you two could be having so much fun! Why dedicate hours to your internships and classes when the two of you could be out getting soft serve, going to fairs and winning goldfish, or eating exclusively the meat at monjayaki restaurants? She despises the fact that she has to share you with your studies. With a little help from Denji, though, she leaves you alone to do your work. If you ask her to scope out date locations, she's eager to hit the city and plan a perfect date for you two. Just bribe Denji with a handful of Family Burger coupons and he's willing to chauffer her. You get a nice, long day of peace and quiet to cram your studies into and, as a bonus, you get to look forward to whatever date spot Power's deemed a necessity to visit, whenever you've got the ever-rare free afternoon. The cramming might seem counter-intuitive, but it actually helps you get things done faster. It's harder to procrastinate when Power's asking for constant updates on your progress, eager for you to be done so she can have you all to herself.

Whenever you're settled on the couch for a study session, Power comes to cuddle up with you. She'll splay out across your lap or nuzzle her chin into the space between your neck and shoulder. She summons every single ounce of self-control she has to stay quiet and still, so you can keep studying. At first it's pretty difficult for her to resist the urge to poke your face or put Meowy on your head, but as she gets used to the quiet, she finds she starts to enjoy these gentle, low-key moments with you. Sure, she prefers being hyper and loud, but silently nestling into your side and soaking up your warmth is pretty nice, too.

Thrilled to have knowledge about something you're studying, Power is always eager to tell you about blood. How it feels when she's directing its energy, the way it almost hums beneath her fingertips as she molds it to her will. It's not something you'll find in any textbook, and your professors probably won't quiz you on how blood "feels"—but it's still fascinating stuff. Whenever you're diving into the specifics of how blood flows through the heart or mapping out arteries and veins, you tell Power about your studies. You listen eagerly as for every fact you give her, she tells you something about blood that you'd never find in any textbook.

Power absolutely insists that you get enough sleep. Pulling an all-nighter is simply not an option. "My human," she commands, closing her hands around your shoulders, " 'Tis time for us to go to bed." If you protest, telling her you'll come in a few hours, she pouts and shakes her head firmly. "Not an option! You must rest, and I must have someone to cuddle with." She'll physically pull you into bed if she has to. If you have to get up early to finish something, she'll begrudgingly allow it, but going to sleep together is non-negotiable.

All of your notes and flashcards are littered with Power's doodles. It's her way of cheering you up when you're three hours deep into studying the brain. Little scribbles of stars and hearts and hammers (don't ask), or sketches of Meowy doing impossible things like fighting a supervillain or rolling up some sushi. She's not the best illustrator but her pictures definitely have heart, and they do the job of cheering you up splendidly.

Makima

Makima's no stranger to a busy schedule, so she completely understands your struggles. For her, maintaining a planner is a must and she'll gladly help you start one. She gets you a plain faux-leather journal, your name embossed on the cover in gold. Inside is a neat chart laying out the week in precise detail. There's a spot for to-do lists, due dates, progress trackers for big assignments. She's also included reminders to eat, stretch, and drink plenty of water in the margins. She really thought of everything, and if you end up using the planner to its fullest extent, it pretty much kills your procrastination problem. (It's much easier to get things done when it's broken down into efficient, day-by-day steps for you.) Pay attention, and you'll find new comments from your lover packed inside the margins. Simple things, like "Be sure to eat something nutritious today" or "Remember, you have to be at your internship an hour early on Tuesday.", penciled in her neat handwriting. It's not an "I love you"—she struggles with those—but for Makima, the simple care is close enough.

Outwardly, Makima is sympathetic when you lament that you've got no time for friends and family. She nods her head and frowns when you tell her it's been three weeks since you've gotten to go out on the weekend, and assures you that you'll be able to hit an izakaya or bowling alley with your friends soon. Inside, though, Makima likes that your busy schedule keeps you from interacting with people too much. This way, she gets to have you all to herself. Makima loves that you have precious little free time, and that you spend most of it on her. The less other people get to claim your attention, the better.

Instead of eating on her lunch break, Makima dedicates that hour to you. She comes by your place to share a quick lunch, or drives you to your internships. Even if it's only a twenty-minute car ride and a quick kiss before you hurry into your internship building, decked out in scrubs and eager to learn, Makima cherishes this rare time with you.

Sunday afternoons are scheduled date times. No matter what might be going on at work, Makima pushes it aside to spend the day with you, and she expects you to do the same. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just getting coffee together or walking the dogs down a new path is enough. What matters is that the two of you, despite your demanding workloads, have time that's just for each other. She's not happy if you try to blow off your scheduled date to study. It's her favorite part of any week, so expect her to act cold for a few days if it's taken away from her.

Makima respects your work ethic, and she's incredibly proud of you. She makes it a rule not to bring her personal life into work—that would just make you a target—but she's hidden a photo of you, beaming at the camera in your scrubs, in her office. Whenever she's stressed, she pulls out that photograph and reminds herself how impressed she is with your hard work and diligence. It's enough to help her refocus and get her own work done.

Makima knows you're busy, so she likes to take care of your needs. Often, there's a healthy lunch she's put together for you in the fridge, a full bottle of filtered water in your bag, and a fresh notebook on hand in case you run out of paper. She prides herself on anticipating your needs. It sends a surge of satisfaction through her when you start to ask a question: "Darling, have you seen my—" only to cut yourself off as she holds up whatever you're looking for. She hands it off to you with a barely-there smug look and quick kiss to your nose. Now, if only she would look after her own daily needs with such dedication...

[kozumesphone]

also, second one (cause i couldnt resist)

if u seek amy! i think thatll be fun

my hobby is reading and playing the guitar!

i think i read like fifty books last year..

my fav books are pjo tlt (its nostalgic ok!!) and the hunger games series

i like to play mostly taylor swift and gracie abrams songs on the guitar!

i basically steal my sisters guitar whenever i want to play cause i dont have my own lol (im better than her)

my favorite taylor swift song is youre on your own kid

my favorite gracie abrams song is feels like

my favorite color is yellow (pretty obvious i think) it reminds me of sunshine and just overall happy things yk?

my favorite season is spring! the flowers start blooming and theyre so pretty (downside are the bugs)

i have a lot of favorite shows: stranger things, brooklyn 99, the good place, modern family

my favorite subject is chemistry! i love learning about the world around me and its properties etcetc

some random stuff about my personality: i get distracted so easily its a nightmare to study, i am an emotional wreck i cry easily, definitely a night owl, hufflepuff, daughter of poseidon

i dont mind if u pick someone from a book i dont recognise, that will just give me incentive to read it!!!

oh forgot to mention im a straight girl

love uuuu and congrats again!!!

⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

CORASON⭑.ᐟ

⟢ “I love you, okay, darling!”

a/n: okay but the way the ship name is corason? which sounds so close to corazon? which means like ‘my dear’ in italian, I think?? MADE FOR EACH OTHER MUCH 🤭💓

I think you’d best match with jason grace!

I mean, daughter of poseidon x son of jupiter? hello?? PERFECTION!!

jason would learn to play the piano while you play the guitar, so you guys could play music together

he LOVES laying on your stomach while you read on your bed and run your fingers through his hair

^ sometimes, he even falls asleep like that, and you both slowly shift into cuddling

he definitely hypes you up to finish your goodreads reading goal, if not exceed it (what can I say? he’s jason grace)

he definitely went to the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie with you (supportive bfs even when they have no idea what you read/watch >>)

he once asked you why you love yoyok by taylor, and straight up bawled while you explained to him what the song meant

he’s a very sunshine-y person, just like you, so when you guys are together, leo pretends to faint and says “too much sun! i’m getting sunstroke! help!!” and he thinks he’s really funny (i’d laugh, ngl <3)

come springtime, he lets you put all the flowers you collect over the summer into his hair

^ he also does the rapunzel braid on your hair and puts in matching flowers in it

(he drives away the bugs for you, dw!)

in an au, he’d never have heard of any tv shows, but after hearing you yap to him about them, he watches them ALL and makes notes about them too (about what? only he knows.)

okay, here we’re going off the rails so badly, but it’s a very ooc and personal hc of mine: jason sucks ASS at geography and chemistry. he will literally breakdown at the very thought of them.

he gets you to help him out with the chemistry part, and he teaches you math (if you’re not good at it already)!

he makes sure you don’t let yourself get burnt out while studying, and also makes sure you don’t get distracted and procrastinate

he comforts you at any time of the day: you say it, he’ll be over asap to give you free cuddles with your favourite chocolates & drinks

sometimes, he doesn’t even need you to tell him. he’ll just. know. when you’re feeling off. and his jacie senses tingle, and he calls you up and goes, “is it cuddletime?” and then drives over

while you’re a night owl, he’s an early bird (he must teach me his way, tho, because h o w)

^ you stay up till 2-3 am reading/studying and wake up by 9 or 10 am, while he sleeps by 10 pm and wakes up by 5 am to the dot

so you guys leave each other sticky notes before going to bed for the other one to see when they wake up

you guys 100% go on bookstore dates (he buys you everything you can carry on your own), library/study dates (especially while grinding during finals szn), museum dates (to mock the statues), beach dates (so he can get mesmerised while watching you do silly little tricks with the water and talk to the fishies), etc.

his love language is 101% physical touch & acts of service <3

temp. taglist — @nuncscioquidsitamor-14 @mqstermindswift @puffoz @skeelly @urmomabby

@sunnitheapollokid @jgracie @canonfeminine @cinemaconrad @roses4plvto

@urbanflorals @aezuria @thetunnelunderoceanboulevard @cherigall @percabethluvr

@pjoverseluvr @maybxlle @mershellscape @riordanness @starlitszn

@metyouattherighttime @a-beautiful-fool @sequinsnstars @ssparksflyy @fayvpor

@iheartgirlzn @nomournersnofunerals @over-the-ocean-call @seaglass-and-string @cer3lia

@lara20aral @bloophasarrived @xoxochb @auroraofthesun1 @sophiesonlinediary

@solangelotus @brodieland @s1utlvr @imasimpdealwithit @waitingonher

@nqds @skyrigel @daydream-of-a-wallflower @hermidastouch @catastrxblues

@moon-drop18 @d4rkdi0rrr @hopelesslyromantic-shark @saltwatergirl6 @hope92100

event masterlist

[berriblossom]

KUKI MY LAD!!!

ITS ME AGAIN! (v)

( Barely proof red im half awake ^^" )

I've been seeing some very good responces to the other ask i had done, and i've just had so many ideas! But i really didnt want to stress you out, do im leaving you with this mini ask ( please dont push yourself to start it, i dont want this to become a chore instead of a little side hobby)

This is another papa zhongli ask, with the beast swan little baby reader (i love them so much platonically ♡♡♡)

Are you able to do a uncle put down for me? (Its like putting a kid to bed) with xiao ? Or... mayhaps a auntie put down with like.. ninnguane or something!! (Idk how to spell her name off the top of my head, i also just see her as the rich aunt typa person)

Once again, please take your time and make sure to have fun! (Btw if its alright with you, i might start leaving little incouragemental askes every once in a while ^^)

Im so eepy TT

GOODNIGHT FRIEND !! (ITS 5 AM HELP ME !! )

- (v)

Ahh, more ask! Im totally fine with all the encouragements! These ask make my day! Headcanon time!

When evening comes, who will tuck you in and kiss you goodnight?

Featuring: Childe, Beidou, Ganyu, Ningguang, Shenhe, Xiao, and Papa Zhongli.

✄-----------------------------------------------

Say what you will about the Fatui harbinger. He may have tried to bring the fall of Liyue, destroy its economy, and somewhat helped in the brutal slaying of its archon before the people's own eyes.

Childe [Uncle TarTag]

But he will be the best uncle no matter what. No matter what.

So when it is time for you to go to bed, he will sometimes procrastinate when you plead with him. "One more game, Uncle Tartag! One more movie, Uncle Tartag! One more!" You bet any money he will watch your favorite movie or read your favorite stories with you before putting you down for a nap or for bedtime.

When he is tucking you in, he is a little rough, to say the least. When you're tucked in. You are tucked in. Like you can't move too much, his strength gets the better of him.

Your bedtime story will have some sort of fighting or violence, which Zhongli has lectured him about. You might be an illuminated beast, but you are still a child. He even got in trouble for telling you to say, "The Tsarita is better than Morax" in a story he told you, and Zhongli wanted to murder him.

Rating: 7/10, he is trying but needs some work in the story department.

You will never be sleeping on her ship. Nit at night, at least. Zhongli has a fear thar if you sleep on her ship, you'll be in another nation by dawn. So yeah, no sleeping on Aunty Beidou's ship. But you can take naps!

Beidou [Captain Aunty Beidou]

Beidou will tell you her stories at sea, how she defeated Haishan, and the stories of her crew. She will never sing any sea shanty's...for reasons. But she'll let Kazuha tell you haikuu's. You can run around the ship until. You're tired out and come lay on her lap for a little nap.

The ship and crew will try to be quiet under Beidou's watch and orders for your nap. She'll let you use her coat as a blankie and kiss your forehead to let you have a few minutes of nap time.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10, only because you can't spend the night but she is good!

Ganyu [Big sister Ganyu]

Now, Ganyu is the queen of naptime with you. Putting you to bed, a little different.

When she puts you down for sleep, she slowly falls asleep, too. She makes your bed extra confy when you're at Jueyun Karst, too comfy. When its bed time, shell read you a bedtime story about Rex Lapis, the Adepti like Aunty Cloudy [cloud retainer].

But slowly and quickly, she will fall asleep with you. She has a small Qilin night light for you, similar to her Cryo globe she makes. She'll have some cool warer near your little setup and some snacks.

By the time she is done reading, she'll be laying beside you, drifting off into sleep with you. She'll let you cuddle her and hold her is you get scared like a good big sister.

Rating: 8/10, she is just a little sleepy, but you're not complaining.

Ningguang [Aunty Ning-Ning]

The times Ganyu has accidently had late nights with you, Ningguang is more than honored to let you hang out with her. Your day is filled with shopping, museums, arts trips, and all the natural beauty of Liyue presented to you on a platter. All for her little swan. Zhongli was fine for you to stay in the Jade Chamber as long as you are respectful and polite.

Ningguang would set you up in a room not far from her desk area or place you on a couch near her office area. She'll get you blankets of the finest cotton, silk, or any fabric. She'll give you some nice cushions for comfort and a nice cup of tea to help you settle down for naps.

She will kiss your head, give you some delicate cuddles, and place you down on her lap if you asked her politely.

If she is in a meeting? Oh, put it on hold real quick, her little swan needs their nightly cuddles and she needs to get it done. Want some tea before bed? Oh, she has it done and will have you in some beautiful silk pajamas while she is at it.

Want to sleep in her expensive bed with her and your plushie, oh she will make some room and let your plushie have its own pillow too.

Ningguang can be really serious at times but if you need her to tuck you in before bed and ask her to tell a story, she will buy the best children's literature book ever written just to read it to you and kiss you goodnight. Yes, she will.

Rating: 7.5/10, your rich Aunty has you covered.

Shenhe [Big sister Shenhe]

She would be lost at first, she knows you aren't human so why sleep like one? But once Ganyu and Cloud Retainer gets it through to her that you are raised in the human world despite being an Adeptus, you act the way you do. Similar to your sleep.

So in some ways, your situation is the opposite but similar to hers.

In comes protective Shenhe mode.

Whatever you want for your nightly routine, she is going to find it, get it, or make Ganyu buy it. She'll learn from Zhongli and Cloud Retainer how to brew and make tea, just for you.

If you ever call her "big sister Shenhe" in your sleep, her yearning to keep you safe even in your dreams grows. Do you want her to kiss your duckie goodnight? She will and tuck it in too beside you. Similarly, with Childe, she can be a little harsh on tucking you in, but over time she learns how to reel it back in.

Do you like her cryo spirits that swirl around you? She'll use them to keep your room cool at night during warm nights.

Want her to tell you stories? She will spend time with the traveler just to come back and tell you about it.

Rating: 8/10, she's a little confused but goodness she has the spirit.

Need him to hold your hand when you get scared of the dark? He will ask Verr Godlet to borrow a night light for you. Or better yet, he will find or make one. He will also still hold your hand.

Xiao [Big Brother Xiao]

Now, this big brother, the conquerer of demons, is the only surviving Yakasha.

He will spoon-feed you almond tofu if you need it before bed. Hell, he will learn the recipe and make it for you. Want to sit on the terrace of the Wangshuu Inn and say hello to the moon? He will have you in his lap while you do it.

Need a little cool air because the room is stuffy or warm? he'll use his anemo vision to bring in a gentle breeze. He will have everything you like and don't like down on a list.

Too much noise? He will find the source and silence it.

Want a bath before bedtime? He will test the temperature himself, and make sure to get your rubber duckies in too.

Need some tea? What's the brew? What type? Hell, where is the leaf so he can pick it himself and make it?

Xiao would sleep beside you too even if he is tense and still as stone. But he will mellow out once hearing you have your big brother here to protect you. Yeah, he will be there to protect you.

Rating: 8.5/10, he will do it only for you. Only for his little sibling.

Zhongli is the standard setter of what bedtime should be like.

Zhongli [He needs no introduction]

Zhongli will not only have your bath ready for when bedtime comes, but also your favorite night-time tea is on the stove ready too. He will pull out your little dragon onesie, with the horns on the hood too. And a little tail, and will put your little yellow socks on too.

You can run around while he folds up your towel and clothes for the next day saying you're a dragon and he will play along, even teaching you about how real dragons act and fly. Zhongli will give you the tea in your special teacup with two pinches of sugar just for you.

Want a little snack? He will be making you little biscuits to enjoy with your tea like little cookies.

When it's really time to settle you in, he will have your nightlight on while reading you a bedtime story. He is the king of bedtime stories he can tell you a story you've heard 100 times like it's never been told before. Want a story about Rex Lapis and the Adepti? He has one, and wants one about the Stove God? he will tell it all.

He will tuck you in gently, making sure you are fully covered and secure. The window will be cracked slightly for some fresh air, and also the coolness.

Have a nightmare and need your Papa?

He will hold you close to his chest and will console you while you cry and talk about it. Assuring you, that your Papa will always come and save you, even from the dark.

He will kiss your forehead and cheeks goodnight, even your plushies too. Repeating how much he loves you, how happy he is to be your papa, and how lucky he is to have you, his little swan with him.

Got scared and want to sleep in his bed?

He will pull you beside him and let you talk to him until you go to sleep finally. He may be exhausted but he will listen to your rambles before bed like it is his morning news.

Rating: ∞/10. No questions, comments, or concerns here.

[desultory-suggestions]

hi there, thank you so much for running this blog! i have been following you for a long time and appreciate what you do so much, and i’ve been struggling with something and was looking for an ear or some advice so i thought i would come here.

this summer has been pretty hard on me mentally for a few reasons. being back home with family, as I live across the country for university and even studied abroad this semester, it’s always an adjustment living with people I love but sometimes struggle dealing with. i’m also back to an environment where I have no strict schedule, less friends, no privacy, no personal space, etc., and i got pretty sick for a portion of the summer.

this is my last summer before i graduate and i put many expectations on myself for how it would go (fun/personal life wise, but also academics/career wise). despite this sense of urgency and also these expectations, this past month of june i basically just rotted away in my bed, feeling depressed and anxious and not really doing anything about it. i did go out and about a few times and even got myself hired for two jobs, but there were so many responsibilities i ignored while rotting away and just feeling miserable for myself. now im finally clawing my way out of this hole i dug for myself, and im realizing how much i screwed myself over—all of the things i need to do would have been so much easier and enjoyable (!!!!!) had i not procrastinated. it feels like my memory for june is mainly just a haze when it could have been so great.

my question is—how do i cope with these feelings of self-disappointment, and almost self-disgust for the time i lost? for the moments i could have been better but didn’t? how do i cope with the knowledge that my summer could have looked totally different now, and that the power was in my hands to change it? the rest of my summer is looking pretty busy as i scramble to pick up the missing pieces, and im sad because i wanted it to feel special since it’s my last summer of university. any time i acknowledge the challenges i faced and the victories i did have just feels like making excuses for myself.

anyways, sorry for this ramble, and thank you for your time! i hope you are doing well and enjoying yourself.

Hello, dearest. First of all I want to tell you that I am so proud of you. I know right now you’re struggling with these heavy feelings, and it’s important to know that despite your inner struggles you are seen and loved and respected by those around you.

It sounds like you have worked very hard and been very busy for a long time. I know as a full time college student myself that the amount of work expected of us is often unbearable. People talk about it like a simple process, a part time commitment. It is not! You have been working a constant minimum of a full time job, plus additional work for pay, plus travel, plus family and friends needs, plus basic self care. Of course all of this can be so overwhelming and lead to a sense of burn out. Changing the language you use is giving reasons is not making excuses. Cultivate a mindset of correcting yourself:

“I’m making excuses -> I’m acknowledging the challenges and moving forward.”

I found quickly into college my high achiever mindset flipped into a constant sense of failure. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, and like I just fell behind everyone else I respect. I wallowed in this for far too long, so trust me when I tell you not to spend all your time worrying about the past. Everyone has had a time like these, sometimes weeks, months, and sometimes years. But it is never too late to change the present and future.

You may not feel like it, but if summer meant laying in bed and barely doing anything maybe that’s what you needed. If your body and mind were too beaten down to do much, that’s not your fault. Remember that you are just one person, and this was one summer. You will have countless more summers to live out your dreams. Summer 2022 I barely left my room, depression, anxious, I pretty much rotted in bed! I was burnt out and struggling. Summer 2023 I worked my ass off at my new job, made friends, and started going to parties and even a music festival. Summer 2024 is now, and I’m in a solid mix of work, school, friends, and working to take care of myself. Life will not always look how we imagine it too, but often it will turn out much better.

Nothing that has already happened can be changed, all you have power over is the current and the future. Tons of people express the same sentiment to me

“I didn’t do X and now all I do is Y and it makes me feel Z so I don’t do X!”

And I totally understand! But this is the trap right here! This is what resembles the grave but isn’t! The more time you spend contemplating what you should have done the more past you create where you didn’t do what you wanted. It is so important to develop the ability to go “oh well, what do I want Now?” This takes practice. When you catch yourself in the internal doomscroll of all that you should have done, literally say “oh well, that’s the past. What do I want to do right now and how can I do it?”

Actions you can take:

- Make a list of goals you have tiered by right away, short term, medium term, and long term. Make sure to include a tier for goals that feel impossible! You’d be surprised what you can do!

- Start by picking one thing you want to change. Go on a walk every day, listen to an audiobook or music on that walk. Bam! Two enriching activities at once. Cook one new recipe a week or every other week.

- When at home from school, work to establish your independence in the home. This is hard! Family dynamics vary, but if you can, try to communicate with your family about personal space and boundaries. Perhaps rearrange your space at home to fit your needs as a more adult space while still maintaining your nostalgic environment.

- Cultivate a positive mindset and excitement for what comes next. This summer is not just an end, it’s a beginning! What do you want next? You can have it if you believe in yourself.

A final piece of advice. I started college with such high hopes and dream of what it would be. The summers with friends, late night studying in the library, goofing off between classes, getting to be this dream idealized self. For various reasons, this didn’t happen. I felt so angry that my experience with college had been tainted and forcefully taken from me, and I stayed angry for a while. This constant obsession with regret starts to eat you alive until you can’t see how good things are right in this moment. This did not get better because I somehow changed the past, it got better because I accepted that this was an idealized dream of one tiny part of my life. It got better when I started aiming towards the future. It’s ok to feel sad that you didn’t get what you wanted, but that doesn’t mean you never will. I am happier for moving on and saying I’d had enough grieving a hypothetical. You are real, you are young and alive and filled with dreams. It will never be too late, and there is nothing you could have missed this summer that cannot be achieved in a happier and healthier situation.

Start making today special. You are filled with light, dreams, and love. You will create the life you dreamed of, filled with adventure and happiness. Treat yourself tenderly, this is your first time being alive, the first last summer of college. You are learning and growing. I am so proud of you as you are now, and all that you will become. Keep the sparks alive, and I’m always here if you need someone to support or another senior in college to lean on!

I hope this helps!

Evan

P.S. here’s a poem that’s helped me!

[salemlunaa]

I might just be overthinking this but (this is lengthy, I wanted to explain as best I could)

I’ve been procrastinating the void for three years now it’s crazy. I haven’t got insane yet, but I have this terrible routine of going throughout the day wanting to enter the void but when I come home and it’s time for bedtime and all that suddenly want to enter leaves this magical third-party force making me do this. It’s a conscious choice. I just don’t get why I keep setting myself up for this disappointment every single day. 

Ive gone through all the reasonings. Even tho this current life makes me nothing but unhappy, tired, and I constantly feel like a shell of myself but it’s what I’m used to another thing I’ve noticed is I only want to enter the void when I’m actively doing something I don’t like like I’m at work or I’m at school or I’m doing homework but when I’m laying down in my bed I guess I’m not inconvenience so I guess I just tell myself all is OK even though there’s this voice deep down screaming at me to just enter the void because I know I’m gonna be disappointed and irritated myself next morning if I don’t, and I always just ignore it.

I don’t know if it’s because I prefer to imagine my dream life at a safe distance in just my head as insane as that sounds. I used to think I was afraid of change, but it’s not that cause I’ve always adapted to it. Well, I guess it was just usually not really my choice I had to. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there’s no way for me to prepare for a life. I haven’t experienced. I’m over that. I know. I deserve to live an stress-free fun life after the bullshit I’ve gone through. I mean, clearly I don’t want enough but at the same time I clearly do because I keep screaming at myself to just do it. I don’t know why my procrastination or laziness or stubbornness. I don’t know why I let it overpower that

Four years probably since I don’t know at least fifth or sixth grade I believe that somehow someway they’re just has to be away I can get the dream life I’ve been dreaming of. I don’t know why, but I just feel like something can do it for me like there’s no way I’m destined to live this shitty ass life, and now that I found the power to do so now I just keep pushing it back. Oh I’ll do it later even though I’m wanted this for years since I was probably 11, im 20 now, I found out about his whole community when I was 17 on a Saturday evening binge eating fruit snacks.

Im just so frustrated with myself, how I can allow myself to keep making my own suffering at this point, I know all the why but I don’t understand the why. Why I keep doing this to myself and how to stop it, I try to think and understand it everyday. I want to enter the void and get the life I deserve and I don’t plan on giving up ever.

Ik this is super long so thank you so much for answering if you do. can I be your 🌶️🥒 (spicy dill) anon, if that’s still a thing?

hi love🌶️🥒

you have the exact same problem that majority of this community has so please don’t feel lonely. A lot of people spend their days doing nothing at all and wait for the last second to apply.

you are not destined to live a shitty life, you get to craft your own life and i know it can be comforting imagining that from afar, but if you really want it you have to lock in, like really, you actually have to try.

I don’t want you to waste any more years like this so some advice i will give you is whenever you have any free time include the void, try and if it “fails” go back to what you know is true, relaxation and detachment and try again.

This is such a common problem in the community and your story will resonate with so many people, so to everyone reading this go an apply, stop killing time 💋💋

[possibilistfanfiction]

legitimately fuckin obsessed with the avatrice football au my dude. that last snippet brought me pure JOY im tellin you what

[well here's some ava pov while i procrastinate ch3 plot lol, s/o to @unicyclehippo for the worst/best gay pun of all time, love u. honestly this is long enough to put on ao3 so ... i'll do that in a footy au series i suppose for context... justice for chanel lol]

///

waking up from your first surgery is a blur, mostly an inexplicable terror when you can’t feel your legs, when you can barely move your fingers. tears leak from your eyes and you can’t wipe them, can only let them roll down into your temples. but then there’s a hand in yours, and chanel’s comforting touch, her voice soft.

‘it’ll be okay, ava,’ she says.

it won’t be okay, you’re certain of it, because you’d been taken straight from the field to the hospital, and then right into surgery, your kit cut off so that they didn’t move your spine more than you already had. you love football; you love football, the feeling of being so at home in your body, the feeling of going fast and the delight of the burn in your muscles, of not being afraid of anything.

‘i’m really scared.’ you look at chanel, showered and gorgeous, in a team issued bomber that seems impossibly elegant, even now. 

‘yeah,’ she grants, swipes her thumb against your cheeks and into your hair, catching your tears. she grabs a tissue and wipes your nose, which, from anyone else, would be absolutely horrifying, but she does it with so little fanfare and you’re in pain and also not pain — the worse option — you can’t even really care. she’s your favorite teammate: kind and brave and funny. she’s your friend. ’you’re gonna get through this, though.’

‘i don’t — i don’t want to.’

you don’t even quite know what you mean, still out of it because of pain meds and anesthesia, but chanel sighs gently.

‘you will. one day, you will.’

/

you don’t, not for a long time. after your fifth surgery you kind of tell yourself that you’ve definitely given up on football; they move you to a long-term rehab facility specifically for spine injuries, which is better than the hospital for sure, but it’s still hours and hours of physical and occupational therapy that leaves you feeling discouraged more often that not. once the inflammation starts to go down in your spine, you start to, at least, regain some function in your arms and hands, and after your sixth surgery, things are, you’ll admit, more hopeful. at the very least, you’ll be able to do things like use a manual chair and cook and type emails. 

you’re not great at texting yet; your occupational therapist is always telling you that if you worked on writing, and holding cutlery, and even more boring, pointless shit like pick up sticks, you’d have an easier time, but, whatever, you can type with the pointer finger of your right hand and it gets the job done. chanel visits as often as she can, most days in the late morning, which feels particularly generous in the off season when she could be being glamorous somewhere else, probably invited to paris fashion week or something. she brings makeup — expensive, beautiful makeup — and doesn’t seem to care when you clumsily fuck up lipstick or poke your eye with a mascara wand. you know she brings it so you actually do your occupational therapy exercises, but she also brings you changes of comfortable clothes and washes your hair gently every few days. she lies back in bed with you, long limbed and beautiful, and watches matches when you don’t feel too sad. 

a few days after your eighth surgery, your last, according to your neurosurgeon, you wear a giant back brace over your beatrice xin jersey, your favorite player to watch, and your physical therapy team gets you strapped into this harness that connects to the ceiling so you can try to walk on the treadmill and for sure won’t fall. it kind of feels like you’re doing a stunt or something, and chanel stands there and indulges you with a smile while you make all of your best ‘strapped into a harness’ jokes.

and then — you do walk. it’s slow going, the treadmill barely moving, and your legs feel sluggish and so weak and almost not like your own. it’s been two months since you took a step and it feels like a fucking miracle. chanel wipes a tear or two from her own eyes, even though you can only walk for five minutes and are sweating kind of profusely — it’s a fucking miracle, and she understands it too. 

/

‘what are you frowning at?’

she rolls her eyes and pockets her phone, easily pedaling with insane resistance on the peleton next to you while you struggle to get your legs to listen to your brain and pedal at all. ‘idiot bros on twitter. “trans women don’t belong in women’s sports” and all that bullshit.’

you stop trying to pedal because you’re already entirely unsuccessful today and now you’re not able to focus at all. ‘fuck them.’

she grins. ‘yeah.’

‘i’ll beat them up, just you watch.’

it makes her laugh, and you think she knows you really would physically get into a fight — on or off the field — if anyone ever said anything to her. 

‘plus, i can take you 1v1.’

‘in your dreams, silva.’

‘i’m going to, again. don’t even think i won’t.’

chanel pats your hand; you feel it all. ‘i’ve always known you could do it. i’ve never thought you wouldn’t, ava.’

you duck your head, unused to genuine praise after all this time stuck in the same boring, discouraging, painful rooms at the spine center, even though all of your doctors and nurses and therapists had been nice.

‘but,’ she says, ‘first you gotta pedal on this bike.’

‘it’s hard,’ you whine.

‘you’re just distracted.’

you look at the game you’d turned on, beatrice xin currently with two goals and two assists, and sigh. ‘i’m horny.’

it gets the biggest, best laugh out of chanel, and you feel a little something like pride bloom in your chest: you love making people you care about laugh. 

‘fine, fine,’ you grumble. you look down at your feet, your quads and calves so small and pale compared to six months ago; you try to breathe through the immediate fear and the tiny bit of shame that pops up. but you focus, feel your feet firmly on the pedals, think about how you know how to ride a bike; you know how to stand up straight and put on pants and kick a ball. the back brace you have on feels tight, feels restricting — but you focus on activating your quads, then your hamstrings, and you eventually get the pedals to move.

‘hell yeah,’ chanel says.

‘if you try to give me a high five right now i think i’ll get all scrambled if i try to move my hand.’

she laughs, reaches over and pats the top of your head instead. 

/

‘ava silva,’ chanel says, and you grin; you can’t help it. she holds her phone at a, thankfully, flattering angle as you walk along the beach — slowly, but steady: you trust you won’t fall, that you’re strong enough and getting stronger. ‘what does freedom feel like?’

chanel has like… three million followers, and she loves social media, something that your old club has always been thrilled about. they hadn’t renewed your contract, but you’d understood; they’re still paying for all of your medical care, so you don’t really feel upset, just a sense of loss you’re not quite ready to name. but chanel loves you, and she’s so, so happy for you — even if you never play again, you’re walking and even starting to run now; you’re in pain but it’s manageable. it’s okay.

‘it feels —‘ euphoric; devastating — ‘like a miracle.’

/

you flop down on chanel’s neatly made and extravagent bed; you’ve been staying in her guest room — which she had turned into her closet, so it’s still kind of packed with all of her beautiful clothes, although there is a very expensive bed for you — and training until, hopefully, you can get signed somewhere. she doesn’t even look up from her ipad when you sigh. ‘hello, ava.’

‘i have a favor to ask that i actually think you’ll be interested in.’

she pauses whatever she’s doing, then looks up. ‘i’m listening.’

‘well! okay, so. as you know, i’ve basically only worn hospital gowns and sweats for the last year and a half, and before that, i was, like, a child.’

chanel perks up, and you can practically see the wheels in her head turning already.

‘and now, wherever i get signed, you know, people are gonna care, and want interviews and all this stuff. so, in small part, i want to feel good about how i look for this next chapter of football.’

‘i love it,’ she says. ‘and what’s the large part?’

you flop back again, just for the dramatics. ‘i am… so horny. like, you don’t even understand.’

she laughs. ‘JC is nice though, right?’

‘yeah,’ you say, because he is. ‘but, like, girls.’

she pauses for a second, a happy smile on her face. ‘so, you want to look… more… bisexual?’

‘i mean, i do already? because i am? right?’

‘well, of course, ava.’ it’s gentle and reassuring but still a little amused.

‘but — yeah. like, i want to pick stuff i love, my clothes and my hair and whatever, gain back control, blah blah, everything my therapist is always going on about.’

‘your therapist is great, you love her.’

‘sure.’ she is; you do. ‘so anyway, i just — i guess i just want to feel like myself.’

‘now that,’ chanel says, ‘is a favor i love.’

/

‘you’re sure?’

‘it doesn’t matter if i’m sure,’ chanel says, sitting in the hairdresser’s chair next to yours. you have the salon to yourselves; she’d booked you a private appointment with her hairstylist immediately.

you turn to said stylist, dimitri, with their chic and very neat fade. ‘are you sure?’

‘like chanel said,’ they say. ‘it only matters what you want. we don’t have to do anything big.’

you look in the mirror; you hadn’t had the real opportunity to get a haircut in a long time, being in the hospital and rehab and then spending as much time as you could training after that. you haven’t, really, taken the time to deeply care for yourself, something your therapist has been bothering you about. you want, so badly, to live as big as you can. as much as you can. 

‘well, i’m sure, as long as you think it’ll, like, be good for my face shape or whatever.’

chanel and dimitri share a quick glance and then chanel rolls her eyes. ‘ava, you have to know that you’re beautiful, right?’

you pause for what you feel is an appropriate amount of time. ‘yes.’

‘but since you asked,’ dimitri says, ‘i do think this will be great for your face shape.’

‘alright,’ you say, feeling suddenly very excited and a little buoyed. ‘let’s fucking do it, then.’

chanel cheers and dimitri grins; they wash your hair gently, and you feel a little panicked until chanel starts talking about the threesome she had a few nights ago, which is delightful and grounding enough you stay, fairly easily, in the present of this beautiful, outrageously expensive salon, the control you get to have. not that you’re thrilled about your therapist being completely 100% correct, but… she was right. 

dimitri dries your hair and then combs it out patiently, divides it and then clips up the top part. ‘ready?’

‘definitely.’

chanel grins and it’s easy, so much easier than you knew it would be, to sit and watch yourself become. you’re filled with a sense of joy, this tiny seed that grows as dimitri cuts your hair to your chin precisely, and asks you about your plans for the day, and food you love, and chanel talks about her latest modeling contract — in addition to football, which amazes you in a way that makes you feel proud in the very center of your chest, this incredible person who showed up and helped take care of you. you feel your shoulders relax; you feel your feet firmly in the new sneakers converse had sent you, comfortable and cool; you even take time to feel your butt in the chair with the knowledge that you don’t need to do any pressure reliefs or weight shifts because, when dimitri is done, you’ll be able to stand up and walk and dance and run and even play football. and even if — even if — one day, you couldn’t, you have your friends and your teammates and your life.

‘you look hot, ava,’ chanel says, very genuinely, after dimitri finishes with a leave in, then shows you how to dry your hair and recommends a light oil. 

‘go ahead,’ they say, ‘run your hands through it, all that jazz.’

to touch; to feel. you think you might cry, all of a sudden, with your soft hair that you picked, that you wanted, and chanel takes in your wobbling bottom lip and then tuts and pulls you toward her. because of your height difference, your face is basically smooshed into her chest and, even though you do cry, you laugh too, wet and messy and alive.

‘this probably my favorite place in the world,’ you say.

chanel shoves you playfully and you grin up at her. 

‘thank you.’

she waves you off, as she always does when she’s a little overwhelmed too. ‘don’t thank me yet. now we have to go shopping.’

/

it’s not as bad as you’d feared; despite the fact that chanel only wears the most elegant designer clothes — her closet is full of gucci and bottega and, of course, chanel, and a whole shelf of louboutins — but she also loves you and knows you, deeply, and so when her driver pulls up to a row of a few very cool-looking thrift stores, you have to hug her again. she gives you helpful feedback on pieces and outfits and you feel, quite genuinely, happier than maybe you ever have. you buy crop tops and high waisted, loose jeans and a few sweaters you love; some silly earrings and a necklace and a cap that chanel laughs at, but fondly enough you know it works. you find a men’s button up with a bunch of flames on it and she rolls her eyes but you put it on anyway, knot it at your waist so it feels just above your shorts.

‘do i look bi?’

‘you look a little bit crazy, but i definitely wouldn’t think you’re straight.’

you’re practically shaking with excitement: ‘it’s… flaming. i’m flaming! get it!’

chanel groans. ‘ava,’ she says, but wraps an arm around your shoulders and throws it on the growing pile anyway.

/

you feel happier than maybe you ever have until the next morning, when you come back from a silly game of football on the beach with her and JC and a few of your other friends, your hair spilling out of the tiny bun you’d managed to get it into, which had made you laugh, and sit down to have some burrata — another one of your favorites that chanel indulges in getting for you from time to time, even did while you were in the hospital and she had to put it on little crackers and feed it to you herself — and then accept a call from your agent. you step inside to take it, close the door softly. 

after it’s done, you yank the door open this time, burst onto the patio. all of your nerves are alive; in your shorts, your legs look strong again, tan and muscular and capable.

‘good news?’

you’re almost too excited to explain that you’re getting signed by your favorite club, $6 million for the year, with, if all goes well, an option to extend your contract another season after. a bonus: they just hired dr. jillian salvius, one of the best sports specialists in the world. all of your care will be, of course, included.

chanel starts to cry, which makes you start to cry, and she hugs you to her tightly. 

‘i am so happy for you,’ she says. ‘and i’m really gonna miss you.’

‘i’m gonna miss you too,’ you tell her. 

she backs up and puts her hands on your shoulders, a smile sneaking up her face. ‘you know, i happen to remember your favorite player in the whole entire world playing at a certain club.’

you hadn’t really thought past football and then six million dollars, but — ‘fuck.’

chanel laughs, face beautiful and delicate and rich in the sun. ‘i can’t wait to show her pictures of you in her jersey.’

‘oh god, are there any on my instagram? i have to go check.’

she just keeps laughing, and it’s all brimming, so wonderful, right at your fingertips.

/

you sign a few days later, your hands steady.

/

‘well,’ chanel asks, lounging back in bed on zoom, ‘how was day one?’

‘oh my god.’ your hair is still wet from the shower you took at the training grounds; you had raced back to your new apartment to make sure you were on time for your call. ‘i got there early, to play a little bit, get the nerves out, you know. and guess who was there and wanted to play 1v1?’

she grins. ‘no fucking way.’

‘i got schooled, obviously,’ you say, think of the way beatrice xin had moved with the ball, how surely she went into tackles, how precise she was. ‘i did score twice, though, and nutmegged her once. greatest football moment of my life, i’m pretty sure.’

‘what’s she like?’

you think chanel is probably humoring you, but you don’t care. ‘beatrice is… beautiful.’ it’s really the only word you have: her neat bun that stayed in place perfectly other than a few errant strands by the end of the session today; her clipped, lovely accent; the way her calves had looked while she was sprinting; the delicate lines of her face; her freckles and her eyes; how she had been serious and professional but kind; her strong back, muscles rippling under her skin in a way that made you shiver, in the locker room when she had untucked her quarterzip and pulled it over her head; how she seemed lonely, despite it all. ‘she’s really beautiful.’

/

it’s a while later when the sheer mortification dawns on you, but then beatrice, in her weird, hot, hilarious way, seems to dissipate the extreme embarrassment you’re going to be faced with by being embarrassing first.

‘hello, chanel.’ she reaches out her hand very seriously, in her favorite linen jumpsuit and a very expensive pair of off-white dunks and black, cat eye sunglasses that are honestly cooler than you expected, in front of her favorite nice brunch place. chanel shoots you a glance and then shakes bea’s hand firmly while you both try not to laugh. 

‘hey, it’s great to meet you.’

‘you, as well,’ bea says. ‘i — before we sit, i just wanted to extend my admiration, for the work you have done both on and off the field for trans equity in our sport.’

it’s so serious, and so genuine, chanel seems a little disarmed and a little affected. ‘thank you.’

bea nods once, seriously. ‘and, maybe more importantly, even, my deep gratitude, for caring for ava. she’s spoken so highly of you, and it means — i love her,’ bea decides on, after a pause. ‘i’m glad, immeasurably so, that she has people who love her too.’

chanel suspiciously sniffles. ‘can i give you a hug? is that weird?’

bea smiles, a real smile, your favorite, and opens her arms. you resist the urge, passionately, to make a joke about how the two hottest (sorry, lilith) women you know together is really gonna do it for you during your alone time later, which is honestly a fucking feat.

‘well,’ chanel says, ‘i made a presentation of every embarrassing thing ava has done that you should know about.’

‘oh no.’

bea loops her arm with chanel when she gallantly offers, and bea says, ‘oh yes.’ you trail behind them, feeling short and small and bursting with happiness. chanel orders basically the entire menu for you to try and she and bea laugh at your expense when chanel opens her phone and does, indeed, have an entire canva presentation of you being embarrassing, but you don’t really mind at all. the sun warms your shoulders and you drink champagne that costs way too much money, the bubbles bright on your tongue. chanel laughs and bea puts her hand on your thigh, just like that: you feel it all.