#can you tell i wanted it to be very unambiguous about the romantic nature. they are boyfriends. they love eachother. as romantic partners.

[drop-the-curtain-123]

murayoshi date at the funfair <3

Doing fanart + content of Muramatsu x Yoshida because it never got widespread visibility during Assassination Classroom popularity peak </3

[fushiglow]

Do you think Gege can confirm Saturo and Suguru's relationship, will he say they loved each other or will he make a moment of them at the end of the mangá

In short, I wouldn't be surprised if Gege doesn't confirm any kind of romantic relationship between Satoru and Suguru, but if it's going to happen, I think it'll happen at the end of the manga like you suggest. I actually have a lot of thoughts on this topic, so buckle up! Unfortunately, artists rarely get the creative freedom to tell the story they want to in exactly the way they want to. Homophobic attitudes still persist and it's highly possible that Gege Akutami's superiors won't risk sales by sanctioning the unambiguous depiction of a romantic relationship between two male characters. However, they would potentially deem it more permissible at the end of the manga when it's less likely to have a significant impact on profits. It sucks, but it's the unfortunate reality of the situation.

However, I think there's an argument that Gege censored Gojō's last words to Getō as a way of reclaiming control of the narrative for himself. Jujutsu Kaisen often depicts a clash between traditional attitudes and more progressive thinking, and Gojō embodies that more than anyone else in the series.

He openly criticises the higher ups that maintain the status quo, but recognises that he can't force change by taking drastic action alone. Therefore, he settles for creating a sea change slowly, playing by the rules to achieve his goals, bending them but never breaking them — and I think that's what Gege did with Jujutsu Kaisen 0.

Let's imagine that Gege wanted to tell the tragic love story between Gojō Satoru and Getō Suguru but knew he'd never be able to get it published in a mainstream shōnen manga anthology. Instead, he includes it as an intriguing B-plot in a tale about a boy and a girl cursed by love, deliberately creating heavy parallels with the main story.

By doing that, he avoids having to address the exact nature of the relationship between the characters in the B-plot, because they're not the main characters. However, even though he can't explicitly address the nature of the relationship, he ensures that readers understand the gravity of it by including a scene where Satoru utters something to Suguru at the emotional climax of the volume while keeping the actual words he says a secret.

It's clear to the reader from the way Suguru responds and the context of the scenes surrounding it that there is love between these two characters — it's just the type of love that's up for debate, but that's where I think it's really smart. Rather than having his work censored by editors, Gege censored it himself. By doing so, he generated a fascination with the scene among readers, perhaps drawing more attention to the relationship than if he'd included Satoru's words for everyone to see. To this day, the nature of their relationship remains one of the hottest points of discussion in the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom, and I think that speaks for itself.

So, Gege is Gojō, playing within the confines of the rules to achieve his goals, bending them but never breaking them, creating slow, meaningful change that way. But that's just my hypothesis!

Truthfully, I'm OK with their relationship remaining unconfirmed because of everything I've just said. For me, the relationship is compelling because it's implied in tiny, beautiful ways but never confirmed. I don't think it's queerbaiting because it's never been the main selling point of Jujutsu Kaisen, and Getō was already dead when the events of the main story began, so most of the relationship development is done retroactively through Hidden Inventory in order to further Gojō's story.

As I already explored in my pre-236 analysis of Gojō, until very recently Gege kept Gojō at a distance from everyone as a way of demonstrating his isolation. By keeping his eyes covered up and his cursed technique active, no one can get close to Gojō. We don't get to know how he's feeling or what he's thinking, but characters and readers still make a lot of incorrect assumptions about him — more on that here. For his relationship with Getō to be yet another thing that people speculate about, saying with absolute certainty that it's one thing or another, is kind of beautiful to me.

Of course, I'm not going to be upset if Gege *does* confirm their relationship before the end of the manga — if only because it'll shut down a certain section of the fandom that insists shippers are merely projecting romantic implications onto the subtext, as though it's possible to neatly place relationships between friends and relationships between lovers into entirely separate boxes.

Having said that, as the reaction to 236 shows, not even Gojō directly telling us how he feels is enough to prevent people from thinking they know better — so maybe even official confirmation wouldn't be enough to convince some people!

That really shouldn't matter anyway. Something I've really enjoyed over the last year is seeing more and more people come around to the idea that perhaps Gojō and Getō *were* more than friends after all, especially those people who would usually criticise others for 'ruining shōnen' with shipping. That's the slow sea change I'm talking about!

Thanks for the question, I really enjoyed thinking about this ♥

[raine-kai]

Contextualizing the Messy AkiHaru Scene

So...it came to my attention that a lot of translations of the scene where Akihiko crashes at Haruki's house in chapter 20 of the manga or the anime movie suggest that nothing happened more than we see in the panels/on the screen.

This is a translation error. The Japanese is unambiguous that a lot happened during the scene break; the art backs this up, in the change to Haruki's hairstyle from before to after the scene break.

Mainly, I want to retranslate for people who are interested, who didn't know that this was a mistranslation. But, I think that no matter how the scene is translated, there are subtexts and undercurrents that are lost, that cannot be simply translated into existence.

So I would like to explain several things in the lead-up to the scene in question, as well as in the aftermath, in order to hopefully give more context.

WARNINGS FOR SPOILERS AND NONCON

Notes on Translation: Given astonished me from its very first chapter with its deliberate and brilliant use of words. It is a story that is so incredibly articulate when it wants to be that moments of wordlessness or fragmented words are equally articulate, for they are crafted with as much deliberation and care as the articulate moments. As anyone knows who has ever tried to translate something, just plain translating the surface meaning of words often leaves a lot of the meaning behind. I will do my best to convey in English what the original text conveyed to me in Japanese, but it will inevitably fall short of the original text.

The Lead-In

First off, let's talk about Akihiko and the particular damage that he brings with him into this scene. He, of course, has the argument with Ugetsu and the fact that he has nowhere to go; but he has also been living this way for two years, presumably only a little longer than he has known Haruki. Akihiko describes the patterns that he and Ugetsu go through:

[Translation: "Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be.]

Later, Akihiko reveals that he has a pattern of dealing with being kicked out of the home he shares with Ugetsu by finding someone, anyone to stay with. He has come to associate these stays as transactions, where the thing that he provides is most often sex. (We also see this transaction-based approach in his relationship with Ugetsu, for whom he feels compelled to cook—a thing that he later continues for Haruki with an urgency that does not match Haruki's easygoing acceptance of this dynamic.)

In fact, we see hints that perhaps Akihiko associates crashing with someone with providing sex to a deeper degree than even he acknowledges, in a scene in volume 1 where he crashed at Haruki's apartment while drunk, and upon stating it would be too much trouble to pull out a futon, did not merely crawl into bed with Haruki, but on top of him.

[Translation: Haru: Akihiko, get a futon and sleep wherever... Aki: Whaaat? But that's so much effort... Haru: So sleep on the....floor....]

So this is a deeply engrained association for Akihiko.

However, it is also a part of his life that he has gone out of his way to conceal from Haruki. From Haruki, he has not merely concealed the many times that he has essentially prostituted himself for a place to sleep; he has also hidden from Haruki that he has any flatmate at all, much less the nature of his relationship with said flatmate.

Haruki has the idea that Akihiko used to sleep around, but does not anymore. He is blinded partly by his own desire to see only the best parts of Akihiko; he is also blinded by Akihiko's desire to only reveal the best parts of himself to Haruki.

In volume 4, we see the moment that Akihiko lets slip that he has a flatmate, and the degree to which this shakes Haruki.

But the more emotional moment for Haruki comes when he realizes that Akihiko is talking to him on the phone while having sex with a woman.

[Translation: "That was a woman.... He was totally having sex."]

No promises have been broken; no trust has been betrayed. But there is an illusion of Akihiko that Haruki has, that Akihiko himself has carefully cultivated over the recent months for a reason that even he cannot explain. It is a paper-thin illusion, that only held up because Akihiko and Haruki both wanted it there.

But now, that illusion is shattering.

This just so happens to overlap with Take suggesting that Haruki take on a support role in his ex-gf's band.

Haruki has struggled from volume 1 with insecurities. He is the band leader; he is the one who brought them together, the one who runs their social media, the one who keeps them in line. Given is a band that absolutely would never have existed without Haruki. Yet he feels outshined by the other three members. There are several scenes depicting Haruki struggling with this. Akihiko is often the one to whom he voices his insecurities, and always without fail sets him straight. There is one particular exchange, during the same conversation when Akihiko reveals that he has a flatmate, when Haruki calls himself ordinary (凡人枠) and Akihiko retorts that he is not, he is 調停者枠....which is difficult to translate, but essentially means mediator, but in this case is denoting that he is the one who brings the different pieces of the band together (both musically, and as a person). Akihiko tells him then, "You're the one that everybody seeks," with a particular look in his eyes even as he reaches for Haruki's face. (Haruki pulls away and Akihiko pulls back and laughs it off.)

But the undercurrent is, for the first time, Haruki is beginning to see the truth of the words that he never quite believed. He is wanted and needed...he just needs to find a way to explain this to the other members of Given. In particular, Akihiko, who has always felt to Haruki like someone on equal or higher footing than himself, despite Haruki himself being older.

And these are the undercurrents at play as we head into the scene in question.

The Crucial Chapters 19-20

Akihiko shows up on Haruki's doorstop in the middle of the night, with an injured face from a fight with Ugetsu.

Haruki lets him in and they start talking as usual....but this time, it's different. They are both just a little bit at odds in a way they have never been before.

Haruki is aware, now, of a facet of Akihiko's life that until recently he had believed was left in the past.

Akihiko perceives that Haruki is hiding something, and in his typical way, immediately wants to know what it is.

This is why, when Akihiko asks his questions and asks if Haruki is hiding something, Haruki snaps back in a way we have never seen him do before:

[Tr: "[I am, but] you're one to talk!"]

Akihiko grabs Haruki by the wrist and asks again, and Haruki tells him...but throws in that the band he is doing support for is his ex's band.

Akihiko responds, "So you're going back to your ex?" and proceeds to crawl on top of Haruki to acknowledge for the first time what has always been unspoken between them: "You're in love with me, yet you're gonna run away?"

As Haruki lies sputtering for a response (he tries to pretend ignorance, but can't finish a sentence, between Akihiko pressing closer and his own shock) Akihiko reaches for Haruki's braid—the hair that Haruki has been growing out for as long as he has known Akihiko, as something like a wish charm (願掛け) for his love; the hair that Akihiko is somewhat obsessed with, taking every opportunity he can to play with it or style it—and speaks words that reveal that he is still fixated on Haruki's ex.

[Full text: 春樹さぁ、元カノがどうとか言ってたけど、お前こんなんで本当に女なんか抱いてたの？

Translation: You talk about this ex-girlfriend, Haruki, but did you seriously have sex with women like this?

Note: the こんなんで/"like this" is beautifully ambiguous. On a surface level of course it is referring to Haruki's long hair—with all the years of pining and love for Akihiko that that implies—but it also draws attention to how they are right now. The fact that Akihiko has crawled on top of Haruki as he has before, and Haruki does not fully push him away. It draws attention to the way that Akihiko himself is so central to Haruki's entire being.]

While Haruki flushes and thinks to himself, "Shut up, shut up! I did have sex with women, before I met you!" Meanwhile, Akihiko kisses him—a kiss that the art carefully does not show us lip-to-lip, either only showing us angles where we cannot see the point of contact, or focusing on the contact of only their tongues. Make no mistake, this is not a romantic kiss. This is a kiss full of frustration and pent up emotions and two years of unspoken, unacknowledged emotion brewing between these two.

Akihiko begins to strip Haruki further, and Haruki interjects, 「え、うそ、うそうそ、待った」(tr: "Wha- wait wait wait, just a sec"), which Akihiko ignores, and proceeds to begin performing oral sex on Haruki, even as he acknowledges internally that his actions are taking out his frustration with Ugetsu on Haruki.

[Note: the words Haruki uses at this point are not clear "Stop" signals. え、うそ、待った are all words that convey shock and uncertainty, and it is noteworthy that Haruki does not at any point use a word that would convey an equivalent of "Stop". That doesn't make this consensual, as his consent has not been obtained, but this is important to note, that Haruki deliberately does not ever outright tell Akihiko to stop.]

This is where Akihiko reflects on his messy relationship with Ugetsu, and the lingering hold it has on him:

Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be. Like he is urging me, "Great, here's an opportunity. Let's part ways and break up for real." Like he is shutting me out of his world by force, to reinforce that he doesn't need me. What the hell? If you don't want me, why do you allow me to hold on? If you sympathize with my holding on, why do you try to throw me away? I want to trap you. I want to escape. I want to give up. I can't fully give up. I want to touch you. I can't breathe...

And when Akihiko comes back to the present, some time has past. His shirt is gone, Haruki places a hand over Akihiko's with tears in his eyes, and for the first time, says やめてよ [approx. translation: "Please stop," but this is a very gentle way of saying it—a plea in softer language]....and then continues, そんな顔しないでよ、辛そうな顔しないでよ、なんなの？言ってよ、なんでもしてあげるから [tr: "Please stop looking like that, like you're in such pain...What is it? Please tell me. I would give you anything."]

It is the なんでもしてあげるから here that is utterly striking. @edragoon​ and I debated translations and arrived on "I would give you anything" as the best option, but even with Haruki's soft language leading up to this, even with his words so focused on Akihiko's pain, the sheer love conveyed by these words is heart-wrenching—as is the art, Haruki's hand reaching out to Akihiko's face.

Akihiko has unearthed Haruki's unspoken feeling as part of his self-destructive spiral in a move that he no doubt expected to hurt Haruki, but instead, Haruki has owned up to his no longer hidden feelings and offers all of himself to Akihiko; turns the focus back onto Akihiko and his pain, rather than on himself, as Akihiko probably expected. As no doubt has happened in similar situations with Ugetsu.

And Akihiko, caught between Haruki here and the mess in his heart that is Ugetsu, expresses resentment that these words are coming from Haruki instead of Ugetsu.

"Why did you have to be the one to say that?" Akihiko laments silently, and then out loud,

[tr: "Telling you won't change anything."]

He follows this up with a small, "Sorry," and wonders to himself "Why couldn't it have been you?" (In Japanese, as in English, it is ambiguous whether he is wishing that Haruki were the one he wanted those words from, or that Ugetsu were the one saying those words. The last use of "you" in his internal monologue was directed at Haruki, supporting the first interpretation, but he is also lost in his head, so it would be no surprise if he is swaying back and forth.)

The scene breaks here, and on the next page, Haruki is curled up facing the back of the couch, fully dressed in new clothes and his hair now pulled back in a ponytail, and Akihiko is seated on the floor with his back to the couch, shirtless.

[Tr: "I'm sorry. Truly. I was completely in the wrong."]

Haruki responds, "That's not the part I want an apology for," even as he remembers those damning words, Telling you won't change anything.

[Tr: "...I said I'd give you anything. By the end it was basically consensual."]

Haruki goes on to say Akihiko is free to stay over, but he will be going to a friend's place.

Akihiko visibly panics, but only manages to call Haruki's name once as Haruki tells him he can use anything, can leave the door unlocked, but simply should be gone by morning.

Haruki leaves the apartment, and we see him cry as he walks through the darkened streets as those words Akihiko spoke again.

Left behind, Akihiko berates himself for how much he lets himself lean and depend (甘える) on Haruki, and he reflects on the events with his family and Ugetsu that lead him to where he is, without anywhere else to go. [NOTE: this is no doubt a significant factor in his later decision to move out of Haruki's apartment once as he goes through the process of bettering himself.] He contemplates the ways in which he has behaved towards Haruki, the parts of his own life he has almost instinctively hidden from his view.

Akihiko spends the night on the floor by the couch. (A shot of the clock at one point tells us it is 1:20am.)

We see morning dawn, and it is as Take is at work discussing lunch break that he gets a text from Akihiko, asking if he's seen Haruki. It is in the evening, when Take goes home, that he finds Haruki listless and hollow-eyed in front of his apartment.

The clock reads 9:40pm when Haruki comes home at last. Apart from the few hours he was with Take, Haruki has spent the better part of a night and a day alone who knows where.

[Tr: "Oh, you're still here"]

The hair that Akihiko had adored, the hair that Haruki had been growing since the day he met and fell for Akihiko, is cut short.

The Aftermath

The two of them don't shy away from the subtext of the last day—especially Haruki, who says blandly, "Sorry, but I'm tired after your rejection of my feelings, as you can see. Please go home." And when Akihiko tries to reach for him with a, "Wait, but—" his hand his slapped away by Haruki, who informs him, "Look, I'm angry at you." and cuts off Akihiko's attempted apology one syllable in with an admonishment that an apology will only make him angrier.

But Akihiko says what he should have said the night before—that he is at the end of his rope and has nowhere to go. He quietly asks to be permitted to stay in Haruki's apartment, assuring him that he will sleep on the floor, that he will not do anything again. He begs for Haruki to help him.

Haruki is furious.

「サイアク」the narration repeats: "[This/he] is the worst."

At last, Haruki agrees, but with the words, "If you weren't a band member, I'd throw you out."

The next day at band practice, Akihiko and Haruki are wildly out of sync, and while Haruki puts on a carefree smile for Uenoyama and Mafuyu, he is still spiraling with despair and humiliation.

And yet Akihiko too is on pins and needles, reacting with abject (though silent) horror when Uenoyama asks Haruki what's wrong.

But Haruki tells Uenoyama and Mafuyu nothing, and when he walks off and Akihiko goes after him, the words that come out of his mouth are all about his insecurities about his place in the band. About how he is too ordinary and does not belong in such a band of geniuses.

This is not what Akihiko was expecting his outburst to be about; this is also familiar territory for him, that he knows how to handle. Akihiko knows music.

He assures Haruki of why his music was off today, as he would have any other day. He assures Haruki that he is utterly deserving of his place in their band, as he has so many times before.

[Tr: "I've pretty much always told you that you're necessary, haven't I!?"]

And all at once, memories come rushing back to Haruki of so many times that Akihiko has told him of his value.

Haruki's anger loses its momentum and he deflates. They had back to Haruki's apartment, with Akihiko promising to cook dinner, as he is the freeloader. (Another nod to his tendency to view these arrangements as transactional.)

Living together proves a disillusionment process for Haruki. Of course, the night that Akihiko first came to his apartment was the enormous catalyst, but the disillusionment process continues.

All of those ways in which he had formerly idealized Akihiko crumble one after another for Haruki as they live together. Akihiko cooks, but he only has one flavor profile, and often makes fried rice. Akihiko spends most of his days on music, be it violin or the drums, and it is louder than Haruki is used to with his bass—it is also evidence that Akihiko is the musician he is because he puts in the work, not just inherent talent.

...And that brings us to the end of volume 4, so I think I shall stop here!

If you read all this way, thank you, and I hope this added something positive to your day!

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[kaisa-ryo]

Satoru Gojo NSFW Alphabet

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

A = Aftercare (What he likes after sex)

With slow movements, stroke your back with your large palms. Gently fingering your hair and mumbling something about your uniqueness. Then he will pause and move on to deeper caresses. Goose bumps will cover your whole body, and your heart will pound madly, which will cause an involuntary smile from Gojo. Let it be some strange mantric nonsense, a mysterious spell, with the help of which you can finally hide from everyone around you.

How rarely do you experience such a feeling of security, while the beloved man experiences an equally rare feeling - the love of the closest person, which gives him confidence for the whole day.

B = Body part (His favorite body part)

Chest.

At least because he considers her an integral part of the female body. And if you have it of impressive size - expect especially great attention to them. Namely licking, biting, scarlet sucking, spanking ... But don't think that this will only happen with big breasts. Medium or small, too, will not be left without affection. Seen from the outside, most of them may seem like feminine signs that complement orientation and are able to give relationships with a man such inner harmony that will make them extremely desirable.

The first place on your body where he will leave marks is your chest.

C = Cum (Everything about sperm)

Inside.

He loathes condoms, for which you constantly sulk at him, because you have to take birth control pills, and this, by the way, is not very pleasant. And in general, obeying the rules is not his forte. Therefore, he is firmly convinced that he possesses the mysterious art of doing what is beneficial to him alone.

D = Dirty secret

Not to say that it can be safely called a "dirty secret", but he has thoughts of selling you into sexual slavery to himself. Such thoughts first appeared in him when he realized that with your charm you were making him ill and, in a sense, making him weaker. And what an unpleasant humiliation for him, when the ideal woman of his fantasies suddenly appears out of nowhere and by her very existence spoils all his megalomania. To tell you the truth, this fact even turns him on a little. Based on this, he came to the conclusion that he will subdue you completely and completely with the help of sexual slavery.

Is it strange? Depends on how much you go crazy over him.

E = Experience

Gojo himself considers this question to be slightly incorrect. For example, if he had fucked other women before you, then you cannot say for sure that in those moments he definitely knew what to do. And if he hasn’t "shoved" anyone before you, it will always be possible to gain experience from a variety of sources of the vast networked web.

But if we talk about it, then in such cases he is helped by confidence and high self-esteem. Which gives him a considerable advantage in the field of sexual relations.

F = Favorite position

Opening.

When you swing your leg over his shoulder, and he continuously pushes, biting and licking the inner thigh. This action drives you crazy, and you are ready to beg him not to stop. When he reaches orgasm, you scream, and he squeezes you in his arms, showered you with kisses and pushes his excited flesh into your vagina, while he himself shakes with laughter. You know that this obscene act brings him such pleasure that he cannot stop. You cling to it with all your might, as if hoping that it will not stop and you will be able to reach the highest point of bliss. Therefore, it is so important for him to control the lower part of your body.

G = Goofy (Are you serious at this moment?)

Not at all.

In a sense, for him, this is nothing more than entertainment. But it also happens that he, fascinated by your alluring body, smell, look, goes crazy. And then anything can happen.

H = Hair (Is the hair ok?)

Not.

Once you asked him to put things in order at least once, after that you realized that it was useless, because instead of answering, he just laughed loudly.

I = Intimacy (Romance)

Yes, sometimes.

Even despite the fact that he does not treat women as much as, for example, Nanami, he considers his passion an exception, although, perhaps, not in all cases. He is pleased that he is considered some kind of incomprehensible male - “this is not even a man, but such a little dummy who thinks of nothing but sweets” - and this is a compliment for him. The most important thing is that you like to feel your exclusivity.

In his opinion, he considers the most romantic moment for you when he looks you in the eye. Well, of course, he is so tall and also with eyes, in which the whole universe seems to fit. Therefore, in order to impress you once again, he takes off the blindfold, looks into your eyes and says something very pleasant about you in a bewitching voice. And at the moment when you already lose the power of speech from this - bends down and kisses on the lips. He knows perfectly well that you will not resist one hundred percent before such.

J = Jack off (masturbation)

Never. Seriously, never.

He will not humiliate himself so much in front of himself, but in front of you ... there is even nothing to answer.

— I have never done this before... I will appreciate it if you teach me! — said Gojo, smiling broadly and spreading his arms to the sides.

— Quite a fool or what?..

— Oh? So can you show me how it's done? The man asked with a sad and obviously feigned expression on his face.

— Why don't you start doing it at all? What's so sexy about that?

In other words, he does not need this, because for such cases he always has you.

K = Kink (Kinks and fetishes)

Light BDSM elements such as bondage, gags, collars ... especially the black blindfold. He just goes crazy when he sees you with her. It seems that you imitate him, ready for all dirty manipulations, just to become like him. Heck.

After such a night, he will repeatedly hint that he really liked your yesterday's image. It is unlikely that you want to again fall for his next trick to trick you with various perversions. Not to mention, he'll drag you into bed anyway. You have no options, baby.

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

Prefers on the bed. He's not so much a fan of public places or hiding places. But if we talk about the audience ... he loves to play with your pussy with his fingers, so that you feel awkward and uncomfortable all the way home. But it's worth your wet panties.

M = Motivation

When you say how you want it at the most unexpected moment. Yes, yes, at least in the same audience. For him, this is the most exciting thing that can be with him. He had already checked everything before, no doubt. And such a mess in his thoughts, it’s just not clear why he should fight the curse when he can take you right here? Someday he will do so, believe me.

N = No (Which won't do)

Something for which you will not want to see him for a long time.

He may never show such an emotion as longing, but he certainly does. Just at such moments. When he comes to apologize to you, he will hide it again. According to many men in the world, girls do not take offense for long. True for Gojo, these words seem to be a lie, because you have been ignoring and abstracting from him for the third week. He thinks that this is natural, because he considers you not like everyone else. But it only makes my soul worse. Maybe he really was so guilty? Then it's really monstrous. Why hadn't he thought about it before? But anyone knows that it's his ego. It was then that he realizes that even the strongest make mistakes.

O = Oral (Likes to receive or to give)

Get. Do you know what his trick is? He always tries to give you as much as possible, so that in a fit of excitement you give him twice, because giving pleasure to you does not tire him at all! It's like swinging, only you don't understand that you are giving him not yourself, but your body, and you give it to him at that moment when you still don't know that you are giving him and yourself. You don't even notice it. So it gives him a huge plus. Not a bad bonus for you.

P = Pace

In this regard, variations take over. He even has his own trick - to scroll the first song that comes to mind and adjust to its rhythm. And oh God, such harmless stupidity does such amazing things... (!)

Q = Quickie

Also not unambiguous.

From the very beginning, it's kind of like very slow introductions, specifically for you to beg him to speed up. Stretching on a sense of anticipation that creeps through you. Satoru will maintain a slow pace until he moves his hips on his own to match his movements. And only then it will gradually pick up the desired speed.

R = Risk (Ready to experiment)

Anytime, just ask!

He himself does not mind trying something new, but only when you are completely sure that sex will be successful. Otherwise it will be awkward and unpleasant. While these are experiments after all, anything can go wrong. And it's one thing when you really think about the consequences, it's another thing when you have no doubt that as a result of "new" sex there will be a lot of pleasant sensations. But if you don't try, you won't know, right?

You also urge Satoru to be taken seriously and responsibly. By the way, an interesting fact — he ignores words about responsibility, but at the same time, in some magical way, everything goes perfectly. Well, in that case, you are lucky with a man, congratulations.

S = Stamina (Stamina)

Always adjusts to you.

He cannot enjoy the process if you are already exhausted just lying on the bed and trying to grab at least some notes of ecstasy. Perhaps this theory seems primitive, but Gojo believes that any sexual intercourse is nothing more than a change in posture, the purpose of which is to make intimacy pleasant. After all, it is also part of a complex whole in which body and mind harmoniously merge. Certainly not an indicator of sensitivity, as one might expect, but also not one's own narcissism.

T = Toys

Not an ardent fan, but there is some interest, and a very big one.

If he is out shopping and stumbles upon a "sex shop", prepare for the fact that he will bring everything that was there to your home and some strange enlightenment session will begin, because you did not even know about the existence of many toys.

— This one? Maybe this one? Or is it this one? Look how interesting!

— Gojo ... did you seriously empty the entire store just to show it to me?..

— The opinion of my beloved woman is much more important for me than the schedule for the import of new goods into the store.

— Why does it seem to me that you are laughing at me?

U = Unfair (Does he like to tease)

Yes! Yes! And yes again!

As mentioned earlier, he likes it when you beg him to speed up. But what if he stops altogether? Or maybe pull the cock out of your slit? There will be no limit to your charming whine! As soon as he does this, you try to put yourself on the penis on your own, while he, grinning, does not let you do it. As a reward, he sticks the head into your hole and again starts hammering like crazy into your hole.

V = Volume (How loud is it)

The only sounds he makes are short chuckles. They serve as a sign that he likes your movements, actions and moans. Sometimes he allows himself to snort. This is also a kind of signal - he experiences excitement from the same movements ... actions... moans... oh...

W = Wild card (Random headcanon)

Once you had such a case that after he finished, you immediately lost consciousness. And when she woke up, she decided that she had already died. You told about this to Sator, sitting next to you, who burst into loud laughter. He told how you passed out right at the end of sex, explaining that the blame for everything is his magnificence, just the same, leading to a swoon.

* In fact, for three minutes he could not understand what was happening and for an hour he tried to bring you to consciousness. And you lost it not because of its magnificence, but because of its multi-orgasm. As a result of this incident, the man did not do this with you for a while, as it was a little awkward. At that moment, the thought crossed his mind that he really killed you. And he still cannot forget it, although he has long ago got rid of such ridiculous thoughts associated with you and your fragile body.

X = X-ray (What's under the clothes)

19.5 cm, during erection ± 2

Y = Yearning (How high is the sex drive)

A serene magician never looks for a reason to do this with you. Only if you don't want it yourself. Sometimes it happens - completely on your initiative, and sometimes he independently makes you want it. This Devil with a bandage seems to see all your weaknesses from the most obvious, to the most secret and intimate: whispering in your ear, changing the timbre in his voice to a lower touch of his hands that slightly tickle your face ... He has a lot of ways to make you want what no matter how he spoke.

Therefore, to be honest - 7/10

Z = Zzz (How quickly falls asleep)

Are you sure he ever sleeps at all?

The most recurring case is when he watches you for a long time until he is sure that you are definitely asleep. Following, he will kiss you somewhere in the area of ​​the ear and go about his business.

But if we consider a rare case, then everything will turn out the other way around: it will wait for you to wake up to ask how you slept. The perfect moment to be alone with him without any obligation.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 38

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Fluff and snowball fights. Forgiveness is a path and everyone's making their happy way down it. Friendly Steve slander. Hulk interaction!

"So, what now?" I asked, eyes still closed, not resisting the desire to remain under the covers, nested snugly into Stephen's side. On his other side, Tony snored away, sprawled like a starfish in what looked to be the first decent shut-eye he got in months. I could smell the coffee and omelettes from Tony's kitchen and the soft jazz music playing where Bruce was taking care of the breakfast.

It was an unambiguous decision to take it easy after the last battle. Bucky and Natasha had been ironing out the details from the interrogation after Stephen had un-possessed Cabre, Wanda and Loki were itching to get a minute with the mercenary on their own and Veddie, as I started calling my uncle and his symbiote after experiencing the incredibly immersive symbiosis with Venom, hovered nearby in case Cabre would make a good snack.

"What do you want to do?" Stephen's morning voice was, ahem, an experience. He put Corpse Husband to shame and I knew that it wasn't only me who got hot and bothered by it but Tony as well...

Speaking of Tony, I still had no idea where we stood. My engineer had been less than happy about my actions and I thought I blew it. He wasn't as warm and playful, and while I kept telling myself that it was just the exhaustion from weeks of stress and worry, I knew better.

"I don't know. I didn't think this far," I admitted, damn well knowing what I wanted. I wanted things to be like they were - clear, honest, easy. My mother's voice rang out clearly again. I was being childish. Of course I was.

"I'm sure Tony will have my head for this, but seeing as there's no stopping you, I'm sure Natasha and Barnes will be happy to train you," Stephen sighed, his breath warm in my hair.

I blanched, stiffening in his arms, confused. "Where did that come from?" My eyes finally opened to stare at his sleepy face.

His eyebrows rose. "You don't want to..?"

"Be a hero, like you? No," I shook my head, then snorted. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you I don't want to go to college just yet, maybe take a gap year. In fact, I want to avoid actual in-person classes as much as humanely possible. And I still don't have a clue what major exactly I want to pursue." I was being honest, prepared to be judged. In-between my three men, there were at least ten PhDs whilst I was only nearly done with the first step of my education.

"So what, it was a one-time deal? Let an alien parasite take over your body for a coupla' hours and then continue with your life?" Tony's scratchy voice startled me; apparently, he'd been awake and actively eavesdropping.

I wasn't prepared for this conversation, but then again, I'd never be. Might as well rip the bandaid off. "I'm not that flavour of stupid," I immediately retorted, heart beginning to pick up speed. My mouth was gonna get me in trouble. "I am not delusional, I know things aren't and won't be the same. I did what I did because there was no other option, I'm not sorry and I will do it again if the need arises. It's not what you want to hear but it's the truth." I paused, well aware that my speech was becoming quicker, I was well on my way to nervous rambling. "I'm not hero material, I won't go on a death march for a rando," Justifying my actions? No. I stopped myself again. "I am sorry for lying. I am sorry for hiding things. But I am not sorry for putting my own ass out there so we can get some fucking peace." I finally settled, fisting my pajama top under the blanket in an attempt to release some of the tension.

Twin sighs erupted from my men, as if their bodies synchronized in response to my stubborn nature. Stephen's hold tightened on me as Tony rolled over, sleepy eyes blinking from the space opposite of me on Stephen's chest. Tony's hand reached for my face, stroking the side of it wordlessly - he wasn't the most vocal about his feelings but his eyes said it all. Tony was sad, hurt, a little bit angry but mostly he was relieved. It was the way he moved - nearly no traces of the tension that had gathered on his face in the previous weeks.

"Natasha should still train you, some basic hand to hand and weapons training, in case someone has it out for any of us. SHIELD's security has holes, you're basically one of us now. Everyone and their mother saw Clint hauling you to the quinjet," Tony finally grumbled, admitting his defeat. Everyone knew that if it had been up to him, I wouldn't leave the tower without an armed escort at all times. Thankfully, Bruce was there to screw on Tony's bolts right each time he wanted to go overboard. They thought I wouldn't notice, but I did.

Stephen's free hand landed in Tony's hair, the sorcerer effectively calmed both of us down with his gentle, unobtrusive support. He was far more empathetic than he liked to show. "That seems like a smart idea," He rumbled as my eyes began to drift shut once again.

With each steady breath, my heartbeat slowed and the feelings of guilt and dread began to dissipate. Tony might not had forgiven me yet but I was on my way to inner peace once more. I remembered feeling exactly the same way before our relationship, when every time I took a step inside Tony's lab, I tensed inwardly, shielded my feelings from his eyes, too focused on the outcome I thought would be absolutely disastrous. I had always thought he'd laugh at me, and yet... Laying on Steph's chest, inches away from Tony, my past panic seemed ridiculous.

"What's so funny?" Stephen asked, amused.

I didn't even notice the snort that managed to escape me. "Nothing," I answered immediately, feeling my face heat up. Oh my Loki, what kind of an idiot I had been...

"Sure," Tony's finger poked my cheek without preamble. "Staging a world domination plan, aren't we?" He snarked, much more like his usual self.

"I was just remembering when I was so terrified you'd find out I have a crush on you and you'd laugh at me," I mumbled, willing to placate Tony to avoid any more unnecessary lies and deceit.

Tony, did, in fact, laugh at my confession, but so did Stephen and I am pretty sure I heard Bruce snort from the direction of the archway leading into the spacious bedroom. The bed dipped as the scientist sat down, running a palm over my leg.

"I was pretty sure you would laugh at me," He admitted just as quietly and bashfully. Stephen and Tony only laughed harder. I heard the sound of a pillow hitting Steph in the face. "Let's go, Princess, let's leave the mean geezers alone. I made breakfast."

I could practically hear the pout in Bruce's voice and couldn't resist to comply, leaving a grumbling Tony to stretch and roll out of bed like a disgruntled cat.

"You're older than me, Bruce," Stephen rolled his eyes, I could feel his stare linger on my exposed thighs before Bruce picked me up. My sorcerer boyfriend switched to staring at Tony's bare back, which was an action I wholeheartedly supported.

"Cocky bastards," I stuck out my tongue a moment before we turned the corner and then all I could focus on was the feast of gods Bruce had made for us. The man was really too sweet and too kind, he never ceased to make me mushy and stuff. I stole a kiss, and then another one, and another one, until Tony's whining about the toast burning interrupted our moment.

The bread was fine. Tony was just being himself.

Our phones beeped at the same time - mine being already in my hand, as all normal young people did in the mornings - I looked at the message expecting another assemble and feeling my eyebrows crawl up at Steve's suggestion we all get some fresh air that day.

It had snowed. The whole city was covered in white, crisp snow, and Bucky has been liking nothing but other people's snowman pictures for several days. I suspected the brunette had convinced his boyfriend to take him out to build one or something, but as Steve was known to be exceptionally dense at times, Cap'n Jolly had unanimously decided it was a team bonding-slash-relaxing opportunity.

I relayed my thoughts to my own boyfriends, all of us giggling at Steve's eagerness to cater to his boyfriend and his cluelessness when it came to all things romantic. I was tempted to shoot Steve a text explaining his epic gamer moment but before I could even open the app, Bruce's eyes turned green briefly as he had a very obvious internal conversation with Hulk.

"Is that offer to spend time with Hulk still up?" The scientist asked timidly.

I had a lightbulb moment. "Absolutely!" I replied, watching my other two boyfriends. They didn't even bat an eye, evidently at peace with the green situation. "As long as the snowball fight is had with Thor, Steve or other enhanced individuals." Personally, I had no desire to be flipped over by a snowball the size of a watermelon. Or get any of the pretty but cold stuff under my clothes.

Bruce's responding grin was mostly Hulk.

It was a couple of days before Christmas. I was never one much for the holiday season, but something magical had seeped into me - it wasn't the shiny lights throughout the tower, it wasn't Clint's ugly Christmas sweater and the smell of gingerbread cookies and cinnamon that came from Wanda's apartment. I had no clue what it was, but it seemed to be tied to my boyfriends and Loki and many others who lived in the tower.

Bruce was all but wiggling during the car ride to the park - rationally, I knew it was the Hulk being excited but I still couldn't take my eyes off the usually reserved man. Bruce was happy. It made me smile and hold his hand like we were middle-schoolers in love. The rest of the team pretended to not notice it, or maybe they didn't care, or maybe they had already gotten used to my unconventional relationship.

Either way, Bucky had whisked Steve away almost immediately and I did what every kid ever had dreamed of. As Bruce went to a more secluded space to transform into the Hulk and Tony went to retrieve his thermos of coffee, I ushered Sam over to Steve's car and unlocked it, retrieving his shield from the trunk. It was heavier than it looked but did it stop me and Sam from running up the nearest hill and fighting over who gets to go first?

No, it did not. In mere moments, my ass was being frozen to the metal despite my snowsuit as I parked it inside the shield , holding onto the straps as Sam pushed on my back, hollering "Yeet!" at the top of his lungs, sending me in a steep slide towards where Thor was enthusiastically explaining something to the rest of the team.

"Oh shiiiiit!" I screamed, unprepared for the sudden increase in speed and the surprisingly good gliding abilities Captain America's shield possessed. "Watch o-o-out!" I yelled as the group scattered at the last moment. I heard some strong Russian words coming from Natasha, paired with snorts of badly concealed laughter.

The tree line grew closer by the second but the shield had no plans of stopping any time soon. Whoda thunk that things made of vibranium had all the characteristics to be the perfect sled? Something green entered my field of vision, stopping my crazy train with a grunt.

I answered with an oof of my own. One green palm was securely wrapped around me and the other held Steve's shield. "Hello," Hulk snorted, lifting me up like I was but a feather and setting me on his shoulder. "Puny Princess, don't hurt yourself," He stated firmly as I looked down at him, intrigued by the sudden change in his speech patterns. He sounded almost human.

"Hey, Big Guy," I ruffled his hair. "Aren't you cold?"

"No," He replied, setting me onto his shoulder. Hulk appeared to be completely unaffected by the December cold in his purple shorts. I felt my rear end begin to thaw, such was the heat that he emanated from his body. Meanwhile, Hulk caught Steve's eye, preparing to hurl the shield back to the frowning Captain.

Steve caught it effortlessly while Bucky ignored the interaction whatsoever, caught up in rolling an obscenely large ball of snow a ways from the group, tongue all but hanging out in concentration. I caught myself thinking he was gonna build a snow dick instead of a man and it made me feel...

"Wanna build a snowman?" I asked my green companion, rubbing my mittens in excitement.

The Hulk pondered for a brief moment, adopting that mischievous gleem, eyes shooting to Tony and Stephen who stood regally on the side of the clearing, sipping their hot beverages like the adult men that they were supposed to be. I snorted and Hulk echoed the sound, taking quick strides to a patch of land opposite Bucky. "No," Hulk shook his head. "We build a fort. Then smash," The green bean was all but vibrating in excitement.

Realistically, I knew I was gonna get snow stuck in uncomfortable places and might even get knocked over by an overeager person with super strength. But was I gonna pass up an opportunity to show off my superior construction skills? Hell naw.

It wasn't long before Stephen and Tony wandered off to us and began to pile up snow with a resigned huff, unsuccessful in their attempts to rebuff me ordering them around. In the end, we split in three teams, snow flew everywhere and by the time the battle was in peak heat, all of us were cold, wet and red-faced.

"To the death! BLOOD AND VINEGAR!!!" I screeched, hopping up and down after a series of small rapid snowballs I threw hit their target - Steve had a face full of snow and Bucky wasn't faring much better next to him, having had let a few of them hit him in the chest because he was distracted, doubling over in laughter at Steve's indignant, red face.

"You're bloodthirsty," Tony smirked from my side, dumping a fresh batch of ammo between me and Stephen. "It's hot."

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Nineteen

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Nineteen: Patrol

It was well past one in the morning when Adrien got back from patrol the following evening, so he was surprised to find Luka still awake, sitting on the couch in the main cabin, playing a mournful-sounding song on the violin.

“Please tell me you’re not waiting up for me. I’ll feel super guilty if you are,” Adrien groaned theatrically.

Luka chuckled, shaking his head and setting the violin aside.

“No need to feel bad,” he assured as Adrien took a seat on the couch beside him. “I’m just an insomniac. …How did patrol go?”

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but he’d rather get it over with sooner rather than later.

“It went really well, actually,” Adrien answered with a happy little bounce.

“Good. That’s good,” Luka replied, hoping that he sounded more sincere than he felt.

It was so difficult to push his own feelings aside to just be happy for Adrien. It was hard to smile when it felt like his heart was breaking.

“We talked about all kinds of things,” Adrien continued enthusiastically, missing Luka’s misery. “She told me all about her Guardian training, even the stuff that’s supposed to be secret.”

“That’s good,” Luka repeated, internally cringing at how much he sounded like a skipping record. “I’m glad she’s keeping you informed.”

Adrien nodded. “She wants me to start coming over more often so I can get to know the other kwamis and so she can train me as Assistant Guardian. Isn’t that awesome?!” he prompted.

A genuine smile finally came to Luka’s face as he patted Adrien on the back. “That is awesome. I’m glad she’s finally saying ‘screw those monks and their rules’ and letting you in on the Guardian side of her duties. I know her mentor after Fu was really strict about keeping you at arms’ length, and I know that was always a point of contention between you two with you never feeling like you were on equal footing, so I’m glad she’s standing up to them.”

A warm smile slowly spread over Adrien’s lips like cupcake frosting. “Yeah. It really means a lot to me.”

“Is she going to be okay, though?” Luka asked uncertainly. “They’re not going to take the Guardianship away from her and wipe her memories for breaking the rules, are they? That’s what her mentor always threatened when she stepped out of line before, right?”

Adrien grimaced, shifting uncomfortably. “Right. Marinette said she doesn’t think they will. She’s started to doubt that they actually can, but…I guess we’ll see. Either way, she was really adamant about not cutting me out anymore no matter what they said.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Luka was able to say truthfully. “I know her being the Guardian has been like a huge wedge between you this whole time.”

“Yeah,” Adrien sighed, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his knees. “It’s a big relief to have that tension gone between us. We talked a lot about it—our partnership, the ways we felt like it was kind of broken. We both said sorry for a lot of things and talked about how we wanted to fix it.”

Adrien looked up, pride shining on his face. “I used a lot of the techniques you and Doctor Katsuragi have been working with me on about how to talk about my feelings and have healthy discussions about conflict.”

“Oh, yeah?” Luka chuckled, heart swelling. “I take it it went well?”

Adrien nodded energetically. “Really, really well. I mean, it was hard, and there was a lot of crying, but I feel really good about it. Marinette and I were long overdue for a talk like that. We needed that, so it was good to get it all out there and figure it out together. We still have a lot of work to do, but I think we’re going to be so much stronger going forward.”

“That’s really good, Adrien,” Luka replied, losing some of his enthusiasm as a chill set back in.

He could almost feel himself losing them both to one another, leaving him behind.

“Yeah. It was really good,” Adrien echoed less warmly, starting to get nervous.

He bit the inside of his cheek and shifted on the couch. “We got a lot of things sorted out…” He pointedly avoided Luka’s gaze. “…like our romantic feelings for one another.”

The bottom dropped out of Luka’s stomach, and he fought the urge to be sick as he carefully schooled his face into a neutral expression. “Oh, yeah? So…you two are dating now?”

Adrien rubbed at the back of his neck. “Uh…no, actually.”

Luka blinked as he tipped his head to the side. “No?”

He couldn’t have heard right.

Adrien shook his head. “No. We’re not dating.”

Luka frowned. “But…you love her, and she loves you. I thought…”

Adrien blew out a long sigh and leaned back into the couch cushions. “Yeah. No, we do. It’s just…complicated.”

“Complicated,” Luka repeated, trying to wrap his head around it all.

Adrien nodded. “She needs some time and some space. Now that being Ladybug and fighting to save Paris on a regular basis have calmed down, she needs some time for herself. She’s put a lot of things on the backburner these past few years so that she could focus on being a hero and the Guardian,” he explained, “so, now, she needs to prioritize herself and get some things figured out. It’s not really a good time for her to date at the moment.”

Luka slowly began to nod as he thought he understood the situation. “I’m glad she’s realized that she’s been neglecting things. It’s good that she’s working to try to restore balance. …So…are you two going to wait and try dating a little later?”

Adrien bit his lip and averted his gaze again. “I don’t know, but it won’t be anytime soon. Things aren’t exactly good for me right now either. I mean, I have a whole life to rebuild, so I don’t think starting a relationship is necessarily what I need to be doing either,” he rushed to get out.

“I mean, I guess I could, but it would have to be with someone I really trust and am already close to because I’m kind of a wreck right now, but it’s not like I’m totally against dating at the moment. It would just have to be, you know, the right person, so…”

Internally, Adrien groaned as his words came out in a muddled mess. He could only hope that Luka understood what Adrien really meant.

Judging by the look of confusion on Luka’s face, he either didn’t realize that Adrien meant Luka or he did understand what Adrien meant and was confused at the idea of a romantic relationship between himself and Adrien.

“So…you two have agreed to wait a year or so, or…?” Luka struggled to determine how long his suffering would be prolonged.

Adrien took a deep breath and looked Luka in the eye as he tried again to explain. “Actually, we might never date. We’re not waiting for each other or anything.”

Luka’s eyes flew wide. “What? Really?”

Adrien nodded. “We talked for a long time, and we decided that we always want to be close. We’ll always love one another, and we’ll always have a special bond as partners. We’re an important part of each other’s lives, but dating might not necessarily be in the cards for us. We each have other things we need to prioritize right now, so we agreed that, if it happens, it happens, but we’re just going to let things play out naturally.”

“Oh.” Luka swallowed. “Wow. That’s…”

“Besides, there’s someone else,” Adrien abruptly announced, practically stringing the words together as he turned his face away in an attempt to hide the fiery blush raging on his cheeks.

Luka stared, brain struggling to piece everything together.

He wondered if Adrien meant that Marinette had her eye on someone else or if he’d been speaking of his own feelings for a third party.

“…Well…I’m glad you guys talked and figured things out. That’s really good. I’m happy for you, Adrien,” Luka attempted to praise even though he still felt off kilter.

Adrien slowly turned his head to study Luka’s expression for any sign that Luka had understood what Adrien was trying to convey.

Luka’s face was carefully blank, devoid of any clues.

Adrien deflated, too afraid to press any further.

It was late, and he was physically and emotionally worn out.

Maybe Luka had understood but was politely pretending not to so as to save Adrien the pain of rejection.

Adrien didn’t have the courage to try again, so he forced a smile, replying, “Yeah. I’m glad I talked things out with Marinette too. It was good to get closure on some of that stuff.”

Luka nodded, not sure what to say in response besides some rehashing of the same things he’d been saying throughout the conversation.

For once, the silence between them was awkward and uncomfortable.

Unable to stand the tension, Adrien got to his feet, keeping the cheery expression pasted to his face. “Well, I’m off to bed. Good night.”

“Night,” Luka echoed.

Adrien started to turn to go but then thought better of it.

Summoning all of his courage, he leaned in and pressed a solid, unambiguous kiss to Luka’s cheek.

“Sweet dreams, Middle C,” he whispered.

A shiver ran down Luka’s spine as Adrien’s breath caressed his skin.

“Go to sleep already,” Adrien chuckled, pleased with the rosy blush and warm grin spreading across Luka’s face.

He winked and turned to go.

Luka almost choked on his own saliva and died.

He was very proud of himself when he managed to respond, “Thanks, but I don’t sleep, Perfect Fifth.”

Once Adrien had gone, Luka picked up his violin again and, with a besotted grin, began to play what he could remember of Uchiage Hanabi from the movie he’d watched with Adrien the other night.

[woman-loving]

“The SAM” and its critics

I guess I won’t make it a whole thing, but here are my thoughts on the “split attraction model.” (NB: This perspective is based on my own recollections and interpretations, but I don’t know all things. Different versions of the story may exist.)

To begin with, the term “split attraction model” was coined circa May 2015 by critics who were trying to name a phenomenon they took issue with. Going forward, “critics” will refer to this group who first coined the term, but they are not the only ones who criticize the language, components, or universalism of the “split attraction model.” (Example from theacetheist with lots of links.) The particular criticisms I’m concerned with developed around the time that monosexism discourse was dying down, and a group that had been critical of “monosexism” was exploring new topics to complain about. (I was one of the complainers, to be clear; that is not a disavowal.) Here are a couple sample posts from May-July 2015: one, two, three, four. Note the anons mentioning they can’t find anything about the “split attraction model”--that’s because there was nothing else written using that language!

Grumblings were eventually arranged into the sequence of words, “split attraction model,” and that term took off among critics who used it as a vague gesture toward a set of grievances. As I remember it, one of the primary targets was the paired sexual-romantic identity format, e.g. naming one’s orientation as --sexual --romantic. Also as I remember it, criticisms were primarily concerned with its use beyond ace/aro people, focusing on what might be considered bi-range “mixed orientations” like “bisexual heteromantic” or “homosexual biromantic.” It wasn’t too uncommon to see people say that these paired identities could work for ace or aro people, but didn’t otherwise make sense.

I believe connections were also made between these identities and the creation and cataloguing of specialized identities that detailed to whom/what and how/whether one experienced attraction. The people who advanced or approved of these projects, and the approach to sexuality/gender that seemed to motivate them, were scorned as “mogai.” Although I too scorned “mogais,” I never looked too closely at any “mogai” blogs; “mogai” was a category based mostly on impressions. The use of other subtypes of attraction (e.g. sensual, aesthetic, platonic, which may have been previously popularized among ace/aro people) as the basis for orientation-like labels such as “heteroaesthetic” or “homosensual” also provoked consternation, although I couldn’t tell you if these labels were ever seriously adopted by a significant number of people. As I understand it, “romantic orientation” was also popularized among aces, although this and other concepts that took inspiration from it were being used on tumblr by a mixed and overlapping group of ace/aro/lgbtq people.

Sometimes when critics invoked the “split attraction model,” they were imagining all of this as a single model of orientation, in which (they presumed) a “complete” orientation (as they were used to thinking of it) would entail listing out --sexual --romantic --sensual --aesthetic and whatever other dimensions people created. But I think that often times critics would be thinking mainly of the paired sexual-romantic identity format, which was more commonly used.

The objections were many. A lot of these revolved around the way “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were defined by people who also used “romantic orientation,” --romantic terms, and other parallel dimensions of orientation and identity.

Critics were used to “sexual orientation” and “sexuality” naming something that encompassed erotic/sexual, emotional/romantic (e.g. being “in love”), and social/kinship (e.g. dating, marriage) elements. Likewise, they understood terms like “bisexual,” “homosexual,” and “heterosexual,” as well as “gay” and “lesbian,” as inclusive of all these elements. And, in fact, this is the typical way in which these terms are used by gay/bi people and activists and by almost anyone writing about these subjects in a serious way. Gay/bi people have often had to demand recognition for the emotional and social aspects of their relationships and desires, or (alternately) for the sexual aspects, and so there was some significance attached to affirmation of their integration. Critics didn’t believe that all elements always occurred together, however. There's general recognition that sexual interest can occur apart from being “in love.” And while there’s more social skepticism over this possibility, many of these critics would have also agreed that you could be “in love” without sexual interest. (Some critics identified as ace and/or sex-repulsed.)

Critics sensed that when “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were being paired/contrasted with “romantic orientation” and --romantic terms (and others), the meaning of the former were narrowed to only refer to specifically sexual and not emotional/social components. And I think you can, in fact, see that reflected in how "sexual orientation” is explained by some people who use both orientations (and others). A while back I compiled a sample of definitions of “sexual orientation” from a few college LGBTQ groups and compared them with a few definitions from AVEN and AVENwiki, and the difference is apparent. (Some of those entries have sense been edited in response to my post.)

So I think there was a real difference in how people were using “sexual orientation” and --sexual identity terms. The critics were using them in the broader, mainstream sense, while others were using them more narrowly. For record, I don’t think the narrower version is objectively “incorrect” or anything like that, and I can understand why some people would like to use it. But it is different from how the terms are usually used, and how a lot of gay/bi people and others would like to see them used. And reading “sexual orientation” in the narrower sense when it was intended to be used in the broader sense can result in a very loaded misunderstanding. The same is true for words like “bisexual” and “homosexual.” There was a lot of concern that calling oneself “bisexual” would be interpreted as exclusively sexual-related information.

The use of “homosexual” itself was also criticized. This was (with reason) identified as a stigmatizing term that a lot of gay people didn’t want to be called. But within the “split attraction model,” this term, in its narrower re-sexualized sense, seemed to be the “correct” term for gay people.

There was also concern about who was adopting “homosexual.” Critics who were coming from anti-monosexism circles tended to value solidarity between lesbians and bisexual women and didn’t see either group as privileged over the other. But they also accepted that there was a fairly clean boundary between these groups, and that keeping this boundary unambiguous was important. The “mixed” sexual-romantic identities such as “homosexual biromantic” blurred the distinction between gay and bi, and were thus unintelligible until they were translated as “just a gay person” or “just a bi person.” This translation could go either way. When translated as “just a bi person,” “homosexual biromantic” was perceived as bi people appropriating a gay identity, and a disrespectful one at that. 

A clear division between “oppressed” gay/bi people and “privileged” straight people was also a key point in critics’ social-political worldview, and this mixed identities also blurred this divide, resulting in potential “just a (homophobic) straight person” readings. A “heteromantic bisexual” could be a straight person who just used gay/bi people for sex, and was further obscuring their privilege and homophobic by presenting themselves as non-straight.

Unprocessed internalized homophobia and biphobia were seen as explanations for the adoption of these identities (for either “just gay” or “just bi” translations). The use and promotion of these terms (among advice blogs or through LGBTQ glossaries, for example) was also seen as limiting the ability for young gay/bi people to work through internalized homophobia and biphobia. Having doubts about whether one could have a sexual or emotional relationship with someone of the same gender were seen as common uncertainties among young and newly-out gay/bi people, resulting from the suppression of same-gender possibilities by a heterosexist society. There was a perception that questioning people were being actively encouraged to accept these uncertainties at face value as natural, enduring aspects of their orientation. Even simple exposure to these identities could set people back in their self coming out process, and some people reported how adopting these identities had been a roadblock on their own journeys.

In conjunction with all this, there was a perception that these models of orientation were gaining ground and displacing the models they favored. It seemed easy for current and past broader uses of “sexual orientation” to be overwritten with the narrower version, and thus have the speaker’s meaning completely distorted. I think part of this sense of threat was due to the paired sexual-romantic identities--and other specialized identities that were being developed--following a very empirical-sounding format. It seemed easy to read these terms as a cutting-edge classification of newly observed patterns of human “attraction” and “orientation.” Models that didn’t include them could easily be read as lagging behind and incomplete, their omissions attributed to ignorance rather than an alternate vision of what was meaningful and important to name. This all seemed to lean hard on on a “scientific,” essentialist model of sexuality. And actually, critics themselves sometimes drew on a similar model of sexuality to justify the divisions they saw as important (e.g. between gay and bi). Unfortunately, although critics saw these paired and specialized identities as a clear folly of “going too far,” I think they found it difficult to explain why these terms that sounded even more “sciencey” and comprehensive (= authoritative), were actually wrong.

Anyway, I guess that’s about all I have to say on it for now. Feel free to let me know if you think this story is accurate or inaccurate.

[themoonispurple7]

"If a person/s makes meaningful queer art, if they make deeply personal films with obvious queer qualities/undertones, if they make statements that imply, in a myriad of ways, that they cohabitate with/sleep beside a specific person, if they enact an unambiguously romantic staging of a pas de deux, if they have never publically rebuked certain speculation about the nature of their relationship(as vmin and tkk have, arguably), then is it possible Jikook are as 'out' and transparent as they can be?"

hello! idk if you remember but I'm the anon that sent a long, long, ask about my experience coming out in a homophobic society. thank you so much for the response btw, it was extremely kind and I'm glad your blog is such a safe space.

the quoted ask really ties in pretty well and sums up my drift regarding appreciation/contribution to queer art a lot more eloquently, I'd say. "everybody consumes queer media" is just not really much of a refutal when a person or persons has shown a repeated inclination towards it consistently.

it's a lot funnier when you think of how the only hetero explanations for gcfT and gcfS involve mocking jungkook's intelligence and questioning his own claims and how for RB it's his character (really?? you'd rather paint jk as an asshole who chose an emotionally charged moment to carry out some fanservice??). not very respectful and rather cynical, no?

it's very common to be cryptic and leave about hints if you're not out out, because you want to be out, dammit! it's impossible to be 100% in hiding all the damn time and there are always cracks (me jokingly saying "I'll just marry a woman, then" when my mom asks me to not bring home a specific stereotype of a man, telling my dad very pointedly that the song playing on the speaker is sung by troye sivan and waiting to gauge his reaction etc.)

personally i believe that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, generally acts like a duck and makes other ducks look at it and go "that's a duck!", I'd have far more questions if it wasn't a duck.

I love this anon! Sometimes there’s really nothing more you can do than drop hints. People do love to assume Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s doing and that he doesn’t think about a deeper meaning behind things, when members themselves have recently said how much attention he pays to details. There’s no way he would use a song in one of his videos and not read the lyrics. Or take advantage of his bandmate’s vulnerable moment.

I don’t have a duck for you, but I have a baby chick and a bunny!

[handlewithkara]

What I take away from Supernatural’s ending

Well the first thing I take away that once again creators are way too in love with killing their characters at the end (I wanted to say male ones, but TVD had a similar ending and I think they had a female showrunner). I often wonder if for some of them it’s almost a therapeutic step to get closure after being on a job for a long time. Or whether there is some sort of childish primal “I made it, I destroy it” in there, or wanting to make sure that the show can’t easily be revived and for somebody else to write their creations again. 

It appears the Supernatural TPTB have gone on record on twitter that their finale was heavily impacted by Covid, that they originally wanted to do a lot more guest stars but couldn’t get them. If so, that probably contributed a lot to the finale being THAT brother focused. I will say though, though personally I would always be in the camp of telling people not to be unrealistic, if there was ever a show that could “Snydercut” their own finale, it would be this finale. Not to the extent of changing anything major, but they could easily do isolated scenes of the various characters in heaven and just cut them into the montage of Dean driving. 

However, I don’t think that Covid is a substantial enough excuse for some of the creative choices they made. Most notably they could have followed up on Castiel’s big confession simply by giving Dean dialogue with the characters he did interact with in the finale (or even worst case by talking to himself). They had opportunities to handle it within the circumstances they were in and they did not take it. Again I wonder whether they thought they were doing fans a favor by leaving it open so everybody can project in their own truth, but I personally think this is pretty cowardly (especially since they could have addressed it more within dialogue and still keep Dean’s exact feelings vague). 

I have said before that what struck me as baiting about the way the Destiel situation was handled wasn’t that Castiel confessed or even that his feelings might potentially not be requited. I always had a sinking feeling that they never had any intention of having Dean reciprocate on screen romantically (think the “friend” description line in the script) [so again they might have been thinking of it as a favor to keep it open]. Yet to me having a clearly onesided gay love would have been less baiting. In that case the writers could have reasoned plausibly that this is just the arc they see for Castiel. It would have fallen into other negative tropes like tragic!gay! but it wouldn’t have been baiting. If either following scenes had made it clear that Dean doesn’t see him “that way” or if the writers at least had gone on record and made it clear that that is the end of Castiel’s tale. It would have been disappointing but at least fans would have known exactly what they were in for. What makes the confession “baity” is Dean’s lack of response, which “baits” people to keep watching to see how he will respond (only to have exactly that never happen). 

My last takeaway is on the nature of speculation and prediction. 

1.) Temper your expectations. Generally, whenever the fans look for symbolism and “signs” in the text... just halve on whatever complexity you expect out of the writers. And then halve that again. IMO most shows are much simpler than people think. Yes, sometimes they surprise us with the occasional callbacks to the past and yes sometimes they do employ very simple elements of parallelism, but 10 times out of 10 whatever the fans think is way more detailed than what the writers think of. 

2.) Speculation fans who call their fellow fans “honey” are always a bad sign. It’s too often an indicator of people who think they have the truth when everybody else doesn’t, which again, usually a bad sign. Refer back to point 1 on that. 

3.) As much as I personally highly doubted that there was a big chance that the show was going to have Dean unambiguously reciprocate romantic feelings and as much as I’m highly dubious of fans using highly specific symbolism as clues or refering back to episodes 5 seasons back and use it as surefire clues of how the finale is going to pan out, I don’t think that some of the other speculations were so off the wall. A confession like Castiel’s does raise an expectation that it should at least be addressed in some way. Similarly, despite me being doubtful about how they would handle this, I did at least highly expect Castiel to be in the finale in some way. I’m not a hardcore SPN fan at all, but even I was aware that the show heavily used a promo picture of 4 characters (Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack) to promote the season. Add to that TPTB explicitly singling out Castiel in their various social media posts in regards to thanking people and shouting him out as to what the show was about, giving interviews about the finale being about the family Sam and Dean have built around them, it was enough for me to expect that finale would be more about how how the family has grown to be beyond just Sam and Dean, so for it to be just them mostly felt like them reverting. 

Granted, this might just be me being grumpy that my expectations were wrong and hence me looking to Covid as an explanation to say: I didn’t read the signs wrong, it’s not that I read the show (family is SamDean+the friends they made along the way) differently from the writers (Sam and Dean to the exclusion of anything else). 

In the end, this element reminds me the most of Supergirl and how fans have very different read on which parts of the story are “the important bit”. Is it sisters over everything or is it space family or the whole gang or is it Kara over everything? It is about Kara’s human connections or is it about Kara’s mission as a hero? Is Kara as a symbol a burden to be discarded or a good thing to be celebrated? And those are the things that a finale ends up having the final say on and those questions are often frustrating because usually those are multiple valid point of views that both have copious perceived “evidence” and they are heavily influenced by personal preference and personal experience. 

Above all, the Supernatural ending has for me strengthened my unease with speculation and prediction and acting like something is a sure thing. That’s why I don’t really like predicting things, why I want to focus more on the things we already got. Because speculation is treacherous. I will still look at various elements of foreshadowing, but I want to do it more as a tool of judgement rather than as a tool of prediction. Less “they built up vigilante Alex, so this WILL happen” and more “they built so much effort into setting up this situation, it would feel haphazard if they didn’t follow up on it at all”. 

I think people should never make the mistake that anything shown in a show is a promise to them. I think you can try to signal to the show that the fact that there is foreshadowing means that if it came true, you would find it extremely awesome, because fans love stuff like that. But never make the mistake of assuming you know where TPTB are going and that it’s a sure thing (and the further back your evidence lies, imo the less likeyl it is to still be relevant to the writers in any meaningful way, that’s why “they have been foreshadowing this since season 1!!!!” usually doesn’t impress me at all). Again, reduce your expectations of complexity and then reduce it again. It’s not that deep, writens usually are busy people, with hectic lives who don’t spend nearly as much time watching old episodes as fans do. 

[nadziejastar]

The Meaning of Saïx’s Scar

A sigil is a symbol you create with the intention of changing your reality in accordance with your will. All sigils are encoded with a specific purpose, for example, to attract a romantic partner, to set strong boundaries, to be more financially prosperous – the possibilities are limitless. While sigils were used in the past to symbolize and conjure up spirits, these days, sigils are used in a personal way to symbolically represent and manifest our own desires.

The Recusant’s Sigil is based on Greek letter chi. In Kingdom Hearts lore, the meaning is “death” and “endings”. But it’s not just a letter. It’s a magic symbol.  

The Recusant’s Sigil (異端の印 Itan no shirushi, lit. “Mark of heresy”) is a symbol designed by Xehanort to represent the rejection of a Nobody from his original persona. It is incorporated into the new names of each of the original members of Organization XIII, and is derived from Xehanort’s sleeping memories of the χ-blade.

It was placed in each member’s name to represent the rejection of their original self. Since each member was to become a vessel for Xehanort’s heart and mind, the original persona needed to die.

Sigils are essentially like little seeds that are planted within the unconscious mind. Many things enter the depths of our minds, but not all of them are placed there intentionally or take root. The symbolic nature of the sigil also helps bypass the rational (skeptical) mind and enter the unconscious where possibilities are endless.

This might be why a simple symbol on Sora’s clothing had such a powerful effect on him. The “X” was on the clothing of Terra, Aqua, and Ven and also Riku in KH1.  

What gives sigils their power is the energy and intention behind them – and that is what helps them to sprout and blossom into manifestation. They are activated by meditation.      

This is probably why Sora’s Nobody (who, according to Nomura, was born with Ventus’s heart) was made to stare at the Recusant’s Sigil when he was given his new identity as “Roxas,” an anagram of “Sora” with an “X”. It was to subconsciously program him to stay unaware. 

Roxas was a very worthy candidate for the New Organization XIII.

He was a good candidate due to his lack of self-awareness. But eventually he became too aware of himself and could no longer be used.

Buzz was afraid of losing his self-awareness and attacking his friends. And that’s exactly what happened.

At the Kid Corral, where Buzz was taken when he was possessed, Xehanort revealed that empty puppets can be given strong hearts. Apparently, the Toy Box was the world where he first learned to create vessels. 

Secret Report 4: Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 2

Subject's memories have not returned, and our conversations remain less than lucid. My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered mental collapse. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as she. Upon discovering the tests I've been conducting, my master demanded that I cease my work immediately and destroy what research I have compiled. Worse still, he ordered the release of my remaining subjects. She is gone. Where is Subject X now?

This is also the world where the report on Subject X is located, and it’s also at the Kid Corral. Subject X had no memories and was not lucid. It took a week for them to speak their first words, like Roxas. That means they lacked self-awareness, like Roxas did at fist. This would make them a very worthy candidate for a vessel, like Roxas. 

Empty husks? Is he saying they’re going to break them with sorrow and put another heart into them…? Or did they already do it? 

“Translation—they were gonna turn all the members into Xehanort.”

“X” represents the clash of pure light vs. pure darkness. A vessel needs to be suitable to contain Xehanort’s heart of pure of darkness, so only the strongest hearts will suffice. 

The letter χ can be pronounced both "key" and "kye" (leading to some confusion) and symbolizes the perfect crossing of light and darkness. The χ-blade can be forged via a high-dimensional clash between those two poles. It is believed that the Recusant's Sigil also derives from χ.

Such a heart is rare and valuable. Even most of the original organization was unworthy. A vessel would need to be broken by sorrow, but its heart could not totally collapse. It’s only natural that Xehanort would want to use such a unique subject as his vessel.

“As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that of a recusant.”

And the name “X” fits this concept perfectly. The experiments involved the darkness of the heart. All the subjects’ hearts collapsed. Subject X was the only exception.

I could not even recall my name. I was simply called "X" there.

Isa probably was given his scar at the same time he was given his new name, which happened to him as a human. He was no longer Isa, or even Saïx, but “X”.

“I’ll put the sigil of the recusant into your name once more,” Xemnas said.

Sigil of the recusant…? What’s that?

In the Japanese version, Xemnas actually doesn’t say anything to Sora about his flesh bearing the sigil. He says he’ll put the sigil into his name once more. And that actually makes a lot more sense. I don’t know why he said it to Sora in the English version. Maybe it was an error and that was actually a line meant for BBSV2 and Isa? I’m not sure. But it does fit Isa a lot more than Sora. 

Sigils are activated by focusing on the desired outcome. But it’s important to use strong phrasing. Instead of saying “I want”, you say “I am". This ingrains it into your subconscious more readily.

Xemnas spoke like that to Roxas while he was in his trance-like state. He told him he felt nothing...   

...and that nothing was real. He left no ambiguity about it. It’s a form of programming he likely did to all the Nobodies he recruited, which is why they had such a strong belief that they felt nothing, despite evidence to the contrary.

Xemnas didn’t say that he wanted Roxas to be a new person.

He told him that he was a new person. He was no longer Sora or Ventus---he was Roxas. Roxas held many of Sora’s memories inside of him, as did Xion. When they combined, they would create a complete Sora Replica.

Besides meditation, there are other, darker, methods of sigil activation, like in the use of black magic. Sexual climax is mentioned in reference to ritual sex magic. Sex magic is most potent at the time of orgasm, since that its when the energies of the two (or more) parties resonate the most strongly. But that isn’t really something a series like Kingdom Hearts focuses on, obviously. Another type of method involves pain. 

If Roxas’s sigil was activated by meditation, I think Isa’s sigil was activated by pain. And receiving such a scar would be obviously be physically painful. It definitely was carved deeply into his face. These dark undertones are what made Saïx/Isa such an interesting character to me.

The scar is located directly over his “mind’s eye.” 

It’s a good place to put the sigil when you are trying to get the subject to lose self-awareness---to renounce its sense of self. In a way, receiving the scar may have been a way of programming him to stay mindless and empty. And it’s why he cannot see Xion.

Xemnas’s goal was to conquer the human heart and claim it as his own. And I think this is what he did to Subject X, which is why Isa was the first non-apprentice organization member, and one of the first vessels, along with Braig. Braig was special because he wanted to be a vessel. Isa was just Xehanort’s lab rat.

When Xemnas was telling Sora about the mind control experiments, he said he learned of the heart’s folly.

Which is similar to what he said on Day 95 during his speech. 

“That which we treasure has power over us, Roxas. His heart is captive to it. And that makes it his weakness.”

Day 95 takes place at the Beast’s Castle. Every time Roxas goes there, it’s to figure out the Beast’s motivation for fighting. Roxas simply wants to understand the heart, but Xaldin wants to figure out the Beast’s weakness. And after Roxas goes there, he always talks to Axel afterwards. The heart has power over you when you hold something dear.

I think the reason the Beast was chosen to parallel Axel was because of Lea and Isa’s past. The Beast is cursed, he is a character that has anger and rage which is analogous to Saïx’s berserk state, and the key to breaking the spell over him is love.

Xaldin thought the rose was the Beast’s weakness. But it wasn’t. It was wanting to protect the people in the castle, especially Belle.

I think Nomura is a smart guy and knew exactly what he was writing.

I don’t think it ever would have been made explicit or unambiguously canon in a series like Kingdom Hearts. But I do think that in the writer’s room at least, the understanding was that Isa and Lea had romantic feelings for each other. This was hinted at in a subtle manner. Isa’s love for Lea and his desire to protect him was his weakness, which got him turned into a vessel. This was supposed to be the surprising twist that would make Isa worthy to be in the epilogue. Not the fact that he was looking for a random girl or that he got Roxas a vessel. He deserved to be redeemed by his own merits.

In 358/2 Days, the Beast wanted to protect the people he cared about. He desired love more than anything.

This was used as his weakness to get him to fall to darkness. Xaldin told him that he’d never find love and this made him angry and full of rage.

He became full of darkness and lost control of himself, like Buzz did and he attacked his friends without realizing it.

Husks that had been made to throw away their hearts—in other words, they were going to plant another heart into those who couldn’t bear the pain…? Or, did they actually do that?

“They were going to turn all the Organization members into Xehanort.”

Lea was Isa’s weakness.

He was the key to causing Isa the most sorrow, sadness, and pain, which could then be turned into mindless rage. The Beast’s pain was feeling like a monster unworthy of love. For Isa, I think it was loneliness and the pain of losing Lea.

Although the Beast was under Xaldin’s dark influence, he was also acting on his own subconscious feelings. He was in a trance when he went on a rampage. But deep down, all he wanted was to protect his servants, which is why locked them in the dungeon. 

I think Lea got his tear marks as a Nobody. When the manga zoomed in on them, Axel was thinking about harming Kairi. Without a heart, he never had to worry about feeling inner conflict or doubt about what he needed to do to achieve his goals. That’s why I think his tears represent his willingness to give up his heart, so he could get his best friend back. They also represent his pain over everything he lost as a Nobody. His life, his heart, his freedom, and his best friend.

Since Isa still had his scar when he was recompleted, he must have gotten it as a human. The manga also does a close-up of Saïx’s scar, giving a hint to its true meaning. It happened right after the scene of Axel’s tear mark, actually.

Saïx was hunting Axel down and then became extremely enraged, saying that Axel’s desire for friendship was based on an illusion created by his memories. 

I think Saïx was subjected to the same little speech Roxas was after becoming a Nobody. He thought he never felt anything.

But like with Axel, he also became enraged at Roxas. 

He says something very similar to what he told Axel, too. Isa’s purpose as a human was protecting Lea. Saïx remembers this. If Isa received his scar while Xehanort was trying to inflict the most pain possible on him, it makes sense that Lea was involved. What would hurt Isa the most is losing the thing he treasures most---which is Lea. I think it's why Saïx felt such resentment towards Axel when he made new friends, and ESPECIALLY when he left the organization. It was Isa's love for Lea that caused him to lose everything. It's understandable that he'd hate Axel if he thought he turned his back on him after all that. He was extremely hurt, even if the feelings were technically not his own.

His scar is really prominent in these scenes, too.

Basically, I think that the X-shaped scar represents Isa's physical and emotional pain as Subject X, which was used to break him, capture his heart, and turn him into a vessel during the experiments on the darkness of the heart. They created darkness in Isa using his love for Lea against him. The "X" also represents the "death" of Isa.

[osberend]

A third approach to communicating romantic and/or sexual interest (and various other matters)

(Substantial philsophical preface/background analysis follows; skip to the TL;DR if you just want to read the suggested approach itself.)

My views on Ask Culture vs. Guess Culture are well-known among those who are likely to read this post. I firmly believe that it is every free, competent adult’s right to make any request or offer they please to, or to ask any question they please of, any other free, competent adult[1]. Likewise, it is the right of every free, competent adult to say yes, to say no, to decline to answer, or to respond with a question or proposal of their own.

The unfortunate reality is that some people will feel compelled to say yes to explicit requests, either out of a misperception of explicit requests as euphemized demands (as they indeed are in some Guess Cultures (delendi sunt!)), or out of a feeling of that it is somehow impolite to say no.

Some of the latter may not actually say “yes,” but instead “regretfully” give reasons why they can’t do the thing, that are not their actual motives for declining (e.g., “I’d love to, but my parents are very conservative, and they’d hit the roof if they found out.”). Of course, someone who hasn’t been indoctrinated with ridiculous, anti-liberty conversational memes may perceive the given reasons (and statements of regret) as sincere, and try to find ways around them.

And, of course, some such statements are sincere. As far as I can tell, the essence of true Guess Culture bullshit (as distinct from Ask Culture with confusing, non-standard vocabulary) is mandatory ambiguity as a condition of politeness: A demand can never be known for certain to be a demand, nor a refusal to be a refusal, without being rude.

As a matter of principle, my stance here is plain: These realities are just all the more reason that “Guess Culture[2]” delenda est. And if you tell someone that they’re free to say no and they refuse to believe you, any unfortunate results of that refusal may or may not really be their fault, but they’re sure as hell not yours.

That all being said, rights are one thing, and preferences another. I have a right to ask my friends for money every time I see them, and I like having money. But I don’t actually do that, partly because it would irritate them, and I want my friends to be happy. And partly because it would frustrate my own purely selfish aims, when taken as a whole; any money I managed to get would probably benefit me a good deal less than the strain on (or complete loss of) my friendships would harm me.

Similarly, I don’t actually want to have sex with[3][4] women[5] who are only having sex with me because they feel like it would be rude for them not to, let alone because they fear that I might harm them if they don’t. That prospect conflicts with both my benevolence and the intersection of my libido and my pride: I want women to want me, and to walk away from a sexual encounter with me satisfied. Even if I never see them again, I want them, when they think of me in the future, to do so with fondness. (And, ideally, with lust as well. But fondness will do.)

And if I am going to see them again, that’s all the more reason to care about their preferences on the matter at hand as well as my own. I’d rather keep a friendship than have a one-night stand or a brief romantic relationship, followed by their breaking off contact entirely. And I’d rather move slow on the physical side of a romantic relationship, if that’s what will give the best odds of the relationship lasting.

Not to mention that both my sense of benevolence and my desire to be pleasingly thought of are quite a bit stronger when it comes to a friend or a girlfriend than when it comes to an acquaintance or a stranger.

It’s also worth noting that people who believe in Ask Culture can nevertheless fall prey to a sense of obligation and/or a sense of guilt at the prospect of giving a refusal, thus not entirely practicing Ask Culture in this matter. There are various possible reasons for this. They may believe in Ask Culture but still have conditioned emotional responses from growing up Guess. They may have scrupulosity, and feel guilty whenever they know they could do something to make others happy, and don’t do it. They may make dubious utilitarian analyses that convince them that the expected pleasure that the asker will get out of a yes is greater than the expected cost to themselves. (The last two have a very nasty synergy, of course.) And so forth.

So the most straightforward Ask Culture approach, “just ask to have sex[3] with any competent, free adult that you want to have sex with,” is not an ideal approach, at least in general. And the Guess Culture Dance of Mandatory Ambiguity is (still) worse.

The following third approach has worked out well for me thus far, but my sample size to date is quite small; your mileage may vary. Anyone who wishes to submit additional data from their own experiments is certainly welcome to do so. ;)

TL;DR: Tell the other person what you would like to do, and what (else) they should feel free to ask you to do. Then, offer them the opportunity to ask you to do any of those things, if they are so inclined.

Some additional best practices:

Whenever possible, preclude their making that request as an immediate, direct conversational reply to your offer, to minimize the risk of their feeling that it would be rude not to make the request, due to their having internalized Guess Culture memes (delendi sunt!) that say that you wouldn’t have made the offer if you didn’t expect them to take you up on it.

For similar reasons, and also to avoid poor decision-making when rushed, make the time frame for making requests as open-ended as possible.

Example of my actual use of this approach (very roughly a direct quote; it’s been a while, and I didn’t exactly make a recording for future transcription):

I like you a lot and enjoy spending time with you, just as a friend. I think you’re smart, and funny, and a good person. I also think you’re beautiful, and sexy, and I am definitely attracted to you, and would be interested in dating and/or having sex with you . . . but only if that’s something you want. So if you want to continue to just be friends, that’s fine, and I’ll treat that as the default in the absence of further communication; you don’t have to say or do anything. But if you want to go on unambiguously romantic dates, or engage in various sex acts, or make out a bunch but not have sex, or pretty much anything else of that general nature, feel free to let me know any time after, say . . . five minutes from now. Odds are pretty good that I’ll be down for whatever you have in mind, but even if I’m not, I won’t be offended that you asked, or otherwise respond negatively. Nor will I feel pressured or obligated to do it just because you asked, so that’s not something you need to worry about.

A rather more traditional (and much shorter) line, for a rather different context, that still follows both of the above best practices:

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re the most attractive woman in this bar. I’m sitting in that booth in the corner over there, if you feel like continuing this conversation; otherwise, have an excellent evening. [tips hat, departs for booth]

This broad approach also extends naturally to asking for information, or to offering it.

[1] Subject, in most cases, to not having had the latter demand that they not speak to them.

[2] Cultura Conicientis? I don’t actually know Latin, but this seems like it should be right, based on some poking through wiktionary. @funereal-disease​?

[3] Or date.

[4] Or play board games with, for that matter. Discussions of these issues tend to focus primarily on sex, and secondarily on dating. But those are hardly the only areas in which they’re relevant.

[5] Or men, for that matter, although I’m gynosexual enough that the odds of my propositioning a man and him feeling obligated to say yes would be pretty low under any conversational protocol. And that’s even before we consider that oppressive Guess Culture seems to correlate (albeit imperfectly) with anti-liberty views on sexuality that don’t exactly encourage men to be polite when propositioned for sex by other men.

[natural-and-just]

I just now wrote another post about Dex in Blue by Amy Lane, a book which I've read several times. I said something shitty and couldn't make myself make the post public. This blog is supposed to be my journal and all, but sometimes, if I want this to actually be therapeutic like it's supposed to, I need to let myself be horrid on paper/the screen without feeling endangered in any way. I can still feel that helpful urge to explain things properly if I save the decision to post privately after I've actually written the damn post, or when I've come to a tipping point in writing it and I just have to give in and be a cunt in private for the sake of feeling clean again.

I love the book by the way. I just have a couple hang ups. Anyway.

I know that I'm supposed to want to imagine good things. Pleasant things. Pretty things. Fuzzy and warm things. I know this. But I'd rather imagine being owned instead. It's not like my fantasies are particularly rabid (or at least the majority aren't). It's just that ever since that one recording of Abraham Hicks, where she (very gently) told the lady off for wanted to feel "bonding" with her partner, I can't let myself indulge in those... I want to say "darker" fantasies, but they're hardly dark. They're just... I mean, when she--Abraham--took issue with the way the lady worded her desires, I felt like what she was really saying was, These more base, primal desires you are experiencing are not in fact cosmically preferable desires in terms of their worthiness to be desires in the first place. If that makes sense. Basically, I interpreted her speech as saying, You should be hoping for loftier, more wholesome things--which I understand doesn't make strict sense, given that Abraham isn't about telling someone they shouldn't want, for example, hot sex. But, for me, sex can't be hot if there aren't certain primal, base (I'm tempted to say debased) principles underlying the act. Ownership. God, when I first read--every time I read--Greg and Fiona's first book, I feel understood. That scene where they meet in the hallway, and talk about ownership. I get so hot, and it's a mixture of regular old arousal but also a longing that... well, it's actually fairly...innocent? Whatever its objective qualities, it's deeply rooted. Maybe after having lived more years on this earth I'll have matured out of it, like I've already matured out of some of my old wishes for romantic relationships thanks to [redacted]. But for right now, it's an honest to god yearning, just pure and simple.

And besides it's not like I have I have a lot of choice. I can't exorcize this want. I don't necessarily want to, except that I imagine Abraham wouldn't approve because of its earthly, material nature. But it's the unspiritual about it that makes it so captivating to me. I'm interested. There is no interest in a fantasy without some element of suspence. They are like snapshots of story midway through, in that sense.

Abraham (just... keep in mind, these interpretations are all filtered through my own steadfast self-doubt and self-denial) keeps making me think I should only want the unambiguously good, that I should only want to resolution to the story, when there is incredible... satisfaction? More like satiation-- to be had in fantasies that aren't all sunshine and rainbows (I get that Abraham would be absolutely fine with fantasies that were rather thoroughly divorced from sunshine and rainbows--sex, for example. The sunshine and rainbows I'm talking about would include things like sex, but that sex would be completely devoid of any sense of dependency. There would be no tightness in the chest, tears, longing, missing, aching, or bittersweet farewells. All would be comfortable, easy, unencumbered by any obstacle that obstructs the path to full contentment). There is an itch I cannot scratch unless I am presently longing for something, presently wishing, hoping, making my chest ache with the anticipation of the thing desired. Not the thing already obtained. Fantasies of a lover safe and warm in my arms, with all the time in the world to lounge in bed and make lazy love, do not appeal to me. Fantasies of a lover anticipated to arrive the next day, or even later that evening after months of absence, me waiting impatiently for their arrival at the baggage claim, seeing them for the first time and being overcome with emotions of his vitalness to me. Of his necessity. Of his power and ownership over my heart and body. Of my own helplessness... God. I want him angry and jealous. I want him mindless and depraved in his love for me as well as sane and sweet. I want him to be disrespectful. Because then I know he knows I'm his. I want...I just want. So badly.

Maybe it's because I haven't missed anyone in my life who wasn't my own mother. Maybe it's my own shelteredness, my own childishness. Maybe I read too many dirty novels. But... alright so I understand that if I every admitted to reading those sorts of books, I'd get the side eye, but... I feel like in reading them I'm feeding a very young part of myself. I don't feel dirty. Reading them feels like being naked under the sun but also shielded from anyone's gaze at the same time.

It's not the right word, Young. I didn't feel like this before I figured out sex and sexuality, obviously. It's just a very... very little part of me, in the BDSM sense of the word, and yet thoroughly cave-womanly. It's vulnerable and its essential nature is rooted in a base, womanly appreciation for the salt and sweat and simplicity and earth-bound-ness of masculinity. I'm obsessed with being earthbound. Not beings of spirituality, ultimately, but beings of mineral rich soil, dark caves, animals in heat.

I don't want to be free. I want to be tied up. And I can't help that. Fantasies of contentment and the kind of wholesome joy it would be appropriate for any ten year old to experience, feel essentially boring. I need stimulation. I need indulgence. God please I want to be indulged. Give me the grace to allow myself indulgence.

Goodnight.

--Dot

[thefudge]

TLJ thoughts, post-viewing

sooo, i have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. also the subtitles didn’t prepare me. for a lot.

this movie is made up of many quiet, non-verbal moments and rian johnson lets those moments sink in and dwell with you and that’s great

rey exploring the workings of the force, for example. there’s a really cool sequence where she’s trying to find out who her parents are and she lowers herself in the embodiment of the dark side and it’s very trippy and cool. it’s not rushed and it’s v atmospheric. she gets the incentive to do that thanks to kylo. his revelations about luke and his general aura of “troubled darkness” inspire her to dig deeper.

i think what i liked most about reylo was its sense of gratuitous intimacy. what i mean by this is that they seemed to connect without effort, without having to manipulate the plot to make it fit. they seemed be in their own little movie, dealing with things beyond the usual surface level of star wars ‘good vs. evil’. kylo’s philosophy about letting the past go is definitely flawed, but the way the movie frames reylo, they do seem to “let go” of their surroundings and circumstances when they’re together. it’s sort of timeless. 

i will say, i don’t think the romance was that "romantic”, if that makes sense? and i think it’s a good thing. their bond is very real, but it goes beyond “romantic drama” and your usual hero/villain trope. it has shades of that, ofc, and there is palpable sexual and romantic tension, imo. but i sensed something more mature and interesting between them. it could go either way. do i want reylo to have a future in ep 9 and after? yep. is it possible they won’t? also yep. mainly because kylo let rey down. and here’s the kicker: it’s not rey that really rejects him. it’s him that rejects rey. because she tries quite a few times to bring him over to her side, and i think her anger and sadness stem from the fact that, ultimately, kylo didn’t choose her, and ergo the light. he’s still v much conflicted and i think she can sense that. but rey is hungry. she wants all or nothing. she can’t have half of him. so she doesn’t reject him as much as tell him straight up that she won’t stand for being second. for instance, she expects him to fold to her side immediately after taking down snoke. when he doesn’t, she’s quite literally in tears. this hurts her on a deeper level than “oh no, the dark side won and the resistance lost an important ally.” no, this feels like her parents all over. leaving her, deserting her. that’s how i read it, tbh. 

and kylo does some reprehensible shit in the latter quarter of the movie, lol, like i won’t woobify him, since i like my antiheroes to be antiheroes.  but he's not quite villain level?  if u look at snoke, if u take that cool, collected snarky asshole - that’s a villain. he knows who he is, and what he wants. kylo is hopelessly confused and always looking for validation. he tells rey that she’s the one always looking for father figures - but oh, benny ben. it’s actually you. he wants someone to really see him, and that’s why he’s drawn to rey. but just to clarify: he doesn’t have it in him to kill his mother. he has an open, unambiguous chance and he stops. he is willing to destroy her when she stands behind walls and is shielded by the resistance. yet when she’s in the open, no. that was my read on it. 

his fight with luke is...very much one-sided. luke appears as a force-hologram to fight him and kylo just wants to obliterate him for very, very personal reasons. kylo is not the cool, collected new emperor who is going to “kill the past”. he lives so much in the past that he doesn’t even realize luke isn’t even there. 

and btw, kylo doesn’t kill luke, though he wishes he had. early on we get this foreshadowing. when the first force-bond happens between him and rey, he goes “no, you’re not doing this. the effort would kill you.” meaning that, to transport yourself through space via force (without a bond) takes a looooot of energy. luke goes on a suicide mission, basically. he knows using the force like this will kill him. he’s almost having fun toying with kylo at the end. 

when kylo realizes he’s a force-hologram, luke smiles and says “see you around, kid.” not exactly anakin vs obi-wan, if u know what i mean.

and then back on the island, we see luke peacefully give himself over to the force and vanish. it’s v tranquil and quite satisfying and the original star wars theme is used so well, imo. do i think we could’ve had more of luke? sure. but he went out on his own terms. that’s the whole point - kylo didn’t kill him. he killed himself.

again, i want to emphasize that kylo is still very much an antihero, dipping his toe into villainy (and failing - which makes him more angry, which only makes it harder to be the villain he wants to be haha). he’s not a Good Guy. many posts will crop up in the tag about what a poor, lost soul he is. yes and no. rey actually understands him when she closes the falcon door on him. she knows him and appreciates him. he will never really be ben solo and that’s a good thing. trying to be ben solo so hard is what got him in this mess. he isn’t supposed to be a Good Guy. so no, i don’t want him to “turn” (see my thoughts on “turning” below). i want him to truly move beyond the past and reform himself on his own terms, just like luke. because hey fam, luke isn’t a Good Guy in this movie either AND THAT’S GREAT. anyway, i certainly won’t be romanticizing him (kylo). he’s a compelling antihero who definitely has baggage and trauma (luke did try to kill him as a boy, though he has a wildly dramatized version of the event lol) but he is also someone who has to help himself. ultimately, rey’s goal isn’t to “save” him but to push him to save himself. honestly, if kylo had followed her and “turned” and reluctantly joined the resistance, it would’ve been a total let down and a betrayal of his character. him “turning” wouldn’t help him. he’d still have that darkness and that anger inside of him, multiplied. boy needs therapy - aka working through his issues, not ignoring them and joining the Good Side. 

Other things I liked: 

- admiral holdo’s arc - beautiful, well-done and surprising. laura dern kills it. 

- benicio del toro!!!!! no small parts with this man. he is delightful. imagine rick from “rick and morty” but way hotter lol. he was probably my favorite addition, after rose. he’s the middle-ground guy, he’s more han solo than fucking han solo. he doesn’t believe in good guys vs bad guys and he shows both finn and the audience that the two sides err because they believe their path is the only path. he perfectly encapsulates the very real contradictions in modern-day ethics and how our “pure and wholesome” activism often shields us from some terrible truths. he does have a semblance of a heart underneath his cynicism but i love that in the end he doesn’t suddenly discover the power of friendship with finn and rose. he’s a jaded asshole with shades of good, who’s probably seen some rough shit. BUT, he has this super cute moment with rose before things go to shit regarding her necklace and it’s !!!!!! it shows how much he understands human nature. i kinda ship them. aaaanyway. i definitely think he will return, his arc is not done. 

- ROSE TICO SMILING AND BEING HAPPY. ROSE TICO RIDING THAT KANGAROO CREATURE AND ENJOYING LIFE. i treasured those scenes a lot. she’s a great combo of feisty and childlike, tough and innocent. gosh, she reminds me of bonnie bennett so much ;___;

- general hux. yall, it’s true. it’s all true. hux may have won me over. hux in TFA was just a lite over-the-top villain imo. but here??? he’s such a fun, dynamic character, rian gave him a lot of fun, humorous moments. and honest to god, he’s also given some humanity. when kylo takes over, he is genuinely affected and disturbed by his level of aggression. and he’s....idk, much less evil in this one. probably because of the humor. he just seems like a man dead-set on fulfilling his mission, brainwashed to the core. and underneath the brainwashing, he seems to be your average overwhelmed white dude. i don’t think he’ll be redeemed or anything but...it’s weird how at the end of TLJ he is probably the MOST reasonable dude from the first order???

- there’s this great little message about failure. i think here TLJ was inspired by Rogue One. because a lot of the characters in this movie learn to let go and accept defeat. you can’t always save everyone, you can’t always fight back. sometimes, the brave thing is to retreat and treasure the ppl you love. so i def liked that.

- GODDAMN GHOST YODA. i honestly thought i’d hate it because...gimmick, amirite? but that scene with luke was SO emotional and also funny and visceral and just - i was a bit teary-eyed, ME, THE GRINCH. i was suddenly nine again, watching star wars for the first time. ANYWAY. 

- luke skywalker deserves a separate entry. mark hamill did so much with this character in the last few scenes. also some of the stuff he says about the force in this movie is legit beautiful and i love how he criticizes the vanity of the jedi - because this was what was missing from the prequels. anakin fell because the council was tone-deaf. the jedi are often responsible for their own doom and so they must always be vigilant - which is a goddamn thankless job. i love that luke acknowledges this. 

-luke/leia moment. GAAAAH. HE KISSES HER FOREHEAD GOODBYE AND SHE KNOWS HE’S NOT COMING BACK FROM THIS. I DIED.

- in that order of business, leia finally FIIIINALLY gets to show off a bit and use the force in a pro-active manner. it’s also clear to me that episode 9 would’ve been the story of her and “ben” and i think she would have been the catalyst for his eventual development. but sadly, we’ll never see that ;____; 

-there is some gorgeous cinematography and visual direction in this movie. particularly in the third act, on that salt planet? the red trails? shivers. 

-i didn’t hate any of the new creatures like i thought i would??? probably because they were used sparingly and with a sense of humor.

Stuff i kind of didn’t like:

- phasma. phasma, phasma, phasma. WHAT was that??? like tell me that wasn’t anticlimactic as hell. she was, sadly, a pointless character. unless she somehow survived the fire and destruction, which i doubt, i really don’t see the point of casting wonderful gwendolyn christie just to stand there in armor. 

- MAZ KANATA. is barely in this. i call bullshit. 

-sigh, okay so i loved rose to death, but her arc revolved way too much around finn. on the one hand i get it, on the other hand.... i was hyped because ppl were saying she gets this big moment to shine. and granted, imo, she shines every moment she’s on screen. but i think her climactic scene was... *fart noises*. it’s completely centered around finn. she saves him basically, and it’s definitely heartfelt and lovely but also...it’s finn’s moment 100%. because it’s him who has to learn about his own worth. i do think they make a good team and i ship them a little bit, but the one-sided kiss was not satisfying and i’m tired of having to watch my darling woc give their love and devotion freely, only to be  tertiary characters in their own story. like, imo, it should’ve been rose who flew straight into that cannon and tried to take it down for her sister. she should’ve been the one determined to take it down. and it should’ve been finn to save her and tell her they must find meaning in other things. finn definitely cares for her and in the last scene we have of him, he’s tending over rose and waiting for her to wake up BUT. will rose ever be number one for anyone, like the white girls, i wonder? eh, i’m probably just grumpy old aunt. she does get to have an internal world, she’s a believable human being, she matters. the thing is, white girls in these movies can bend their little finger and they’re considered worthy and complex. rose has to jump through hoops to be seen the same way. anyway.

- i liked poe dameron’s arc, which is “hey, maybe i should stop posturing and listen to women more lol” which is “learn when to retreat and stand down” but...honestly, you hire gorgeous oscar isaac who can give you real emotional weight and you just...kinda under-utilize him. yes, he did a lot of stuff, but he...didn’t take time to internalize it. this dude feels like he’s got a lot of demons and conflicting desires and a rich inner life, yet we only skim the surface of that. like, he’s aways in go-mode, we rarely get a quiet moment with him. like pls fix this, episode 9. 

-luke’s reaction to han’s death is pfffffffffffff. maybe we’ll get more in a deleted scene? 

- also....can we stop pussyfooting and legit talk about han as a dad? because they keep hinting he wasn’t a good one, nor a very good husband to leia. but...it’s very unsatisfying to keep hearing about it without good storytelling to back it up. 

- the world-building & the origins of the first order. i had problems with this in TFA and, big surprise, i still have problems with it here. basically, why has the first order taken over the new republic? how did they gain support? were there remnants of the old empire that survived and thrived as the first order? what about the knights of ren? luke mentions kylo took some students with him when he destroyed the jedi temple, so....what about those guys? like, this very fraught and war-torn landscape doesn’t have a solid history. how did A become B? why is every corner of the galaxy oppressed? why are some planets thriving more? are they all arm-dealers??? i find that hard to believe. yeah, we have the expanded universe for that, we have books and comics etc. but i need these movies to give us a sense of their own universe. i’m...still not convinced. 

-lolol, snoke dies like a bitch. and it’s so anticlimactic and duuuumb. dude, a five-year old coulda seen that coming but your ancient super powerful ass couldn’t? laaaame. he’s like “oh, yes, i sense no more conflict in you, kylo ren. just a deep certainty”. YES FOOL, because he’s decided to remove u, because he’s confident he wants rey, and not you, by his side. it was soooo lame. but i guess we had to remove him to make the audience think kylo was turning good for a second there.

-which reminds me... and you probably saw this coming, i hate the idea of “turning”. rey keeps talking about ben turning to the light. and this verb annoys me to no end. it’s made clear that they both already have a lot of light and darkness in each other. it’s about finding balance. where’s my grey jedi??? episode 9 pls????

Extra Reylo stuff i didn’t see mentioned which i adored: 

- during their first force-bond moment when they sense each other, kylo ren runs out of the medical unit and into the corridor like a goddamn luckless teenager, expecting to see rey pop up in a prom dress.  it’s precious. i love awkward!kylo. also rey tries to shoot him bc she thinks he’s actually there and kylo bends down, thinking he was shot. it’s a rly cool moment. and it doesn’t feel malicious like, he doesn’t expect anything less from her. 

- there’s so much charged electricity between them and it’s not all sexual. it’s kinda mystical and i dig it. i’m weirdly reminded of xavier and magneto??? as in two enemies who have such a rich history and whose bond transcends human morality. 

-OKAY. i saw no one talking about this but THAT GODDAMN SNOW WHITE SCENE. so rey decides she’s going to turn kylo to the light because that’s their one hope of defeating the first order etc. luke tries to stop her, but she’s like i’m going after my man. okay. she gets on the falcon, then she puts herself in this casket-like pod and AND. we get this lovely, breath-taking sequence of her arriving at the first order base, slipping gently into the hangar in her casket. and she’s def nervous. AND THEN. she looks up through the glass and there’s steam at first and through the steam we see kylo’s face, looking down at her wistfully. IT’S SO WEIRDLY FAIRY-TALE WTF. and then ofc the guards come in to shackle her. BUT JESUS. the prince looking into the casket to find snow-white WHAT ARE THESE AESTHETICS. it felt like a nod to the infamous scene in TFA where he carries her bridal style. it’s very fairy-tale-esque. 

- i love that in the scene with the multiple reys, when she reaches through the mirror to see her parents, the shadowy figure who appears and touches her hand seems at first to be kylo and then she realizes it’s herself. i also love that she talks to kylo about that experience. GAH. 

- i just rly loved that there was so much humanity in their interactions.

Reylo stuff which sort of bothered me/left me wanting more: 

- like excuse u rian,  during the praetorian guards fight, i needed more moments where kylo looks at rey and is worried for her sake. i needed that fight to be a bit more visceral and about the two of them and their survival. they do fight together and it’s great but then...they’re sort of separated and carry their own small battles (i did love how rey saved him with that lightsaber throw)

- the whole “you come from nothing, you are nothing.” yea yeah, he’s a dummy who doesnt know how to express his feelings, he’s mr. darcy x 1000 of faux pas. but i still think adam driver’s acting went a little much there. the way he delivered that line was a bit off for me. ofc, he follows it with “but not to me”, because he’s basically proposing to her, but i needed a bit more, an extra line from him confirming her importance. or maybe no extra line, but a bit more feeling. did i mention i love wrecked!kylo? the “please” killed me haha. 

Final thoughts:

- enjoyed it more than i expected to, and it does operate with way more nuance than TFA but it stiiiill fell short with some characters. it didn’t have the weight of rogue one for me, but it’s more lighthearted and entertaining, which i appreciate, cuz it reminded me of my childhood. and ultimately, whether we like it or not, disney does operate on nostalgia. all in all, it’s a worthy star wars movie, 8/10. rian deserves an A-. (he also wrote this thing and whoaaa...i wonder how much more ambiguous and dark this movie woulda been if he’d been given full non-disney freedom)

[logh-icebergs]

Episode 18: The Lippstadt Conspiracy

April 797/488. Now that Reinhard’s pick for Kaiser has taken the throne, the oppositional Braunschweig and Littenheim assemble a motley crew of disgruntled nobles to overthrow him and take down Reinhard in the process. Obviously, this goes poorly for them. Before that happens, Hilda takes the initiative to arrange an alliance with Reinhard, firmly positioning herself as the only remotely intelligent noble not already in his admiralty. Braunschweig appoints veteran admiral Merkatz to lead his anti-Reinhard charge; Ferner (unsuccessfully) takes matters into his own hands; and Reinhard, having gotten the jump on Braunschweig, struts around extremely pleased with himself. Annerose, meanwhile, gazes sadly at nothing in particular, and I think Reuental and Mittermeyer are too busy arresting treasonous nobles to go on a date. Oh well.

A few episodes ago, Rebecca introduced some of the less prominent—though still important—characters in the Alliance. Well, the time has come to do the same for the Empire! Episode 18 has some politically important plot stuff, and finally (finally!) properly introduces Hilda, but in terms of hidden meaning below the surface, there’s not much to speak of. So without further ado, I present to you a Who’s Who of some of the Empire’s many side characters (and Hilda)!

Hildegard von Mariendorf

I’ve mentioned Hilda a couple times before, but there wasn’t really any reason to until now, beyond the fact that she’s my favorite character and I love her. Now, we get to spend some much-anticipated quality time with the galaxy’s best and brightest lesbian. I’ll get more into the queerness of Hilda later on, when it’s discussed more directly; for now, let’s take our cue from the show and focus on what she does rather than who she is.

Hilda is the smartest person in every room, especially when that room is a bar full of Imperial aristocrats.

When we first meet Hilda in episode 18, she’s eavesdropping on a bunch of nobles gossiping in a bar about who they plan to support in the upcoming battle for supremacy between Reinhard and Braunschweig et al. Hilda, of course, has already made up her mind, which we see in a flashback to a very recent conversation she had with her father on the subject.

Unlike all the other dads in LoGH, Hilda’s dad, Franz von Mariendorf, is not a piece of shit. He takes his daughter seriously, respects her political opinions, and has no qualms about ceding his family power to her.

The uniquely positive nature of Hilda’s relationship with her dad, like other contrasts and comparisons in the LoGH universe, draws attention to the intentionality of the creative team’s choice to show us so many bad fathers. I’ll be talking about this a LOT more later, so keep it in the back of your mind.

Hilda has (correctly) realized that betting on Reinhard is so safe it can hardly be called a bet, and with her father’s blessing, she arranges to meet with Reinhard himself to discuss terms of a mutually beneficial alliance. Her frankness and obvious political acumen impress Reinhard, who takes an immediate liking to her, accepts her proposal (even agreeing to give it to her in writing, when she pushes him on it), and then leaves to go start the civil war that she predicted.

Did you somehow miss that Hilda is super driven and intense? Her expression here should clear up any remaining doubts.

The most striking aspect of this scene, though, isn’t the political maneuvering—it’s the introduction of the dynamic between Reinhard and Hilda, one of the most interesting relationships in the whole show. Almost right away, Reinhard is caught off guard not by Hilda’s boldness, but by how much he obviously likes her. His invitation for her to dine with him sometime in the future is the first time we’ve ever seen Reinhard take the social initiative with anyone other than Kircheis.

Fun fact, though: The first word that Reinhard ever says to Hilda is actually none other than, you guessed it, “Kircheis.”

As we’ve discussed at length before, relying on heteronormative shortcuts will get you nowhere in LoGH: The mood of this scene, despite containing within it a man and a woman, is as businesslike as Hilda’s uncompromising tone throughout; Reinhard’s interest is, of course, platonic. I love them.

Ernest Mecklinger

As I’ve said, Reinhard/Kircheis and Reuental/Mittermeyer are the two Great Romances of LoGH, so among Reinhard and his admiralty and for the purposes of a queer reading of this show, I’ve been focusing primarily on those four. But the rest of Reinhard’s admiralty is worth talking about too! I’m not going to go through all of them yet, because honestly very few of them make an impression at this point, but I’d like to spotlight a couple (no, not an actual couple, for once) of the more prominent less-prominent admirals who have been adding background color and texture for a while now.

(From “My Conquest.”)

First up, Ernest Mecklinger! Canonically, I think he’s the only one of Reinhard’s admirals who has hobbies beyond “war” and “drinking.” They include: painting, general consumption of the arts, and presumably waxing his mustache. Mecklinger can usually be counted on to be level-headed and generous; he chooses his words carefully, and later on we’ll see scenes in which the only way to describe how he acts is Like A Sweetheart. In the novels, we are told that Mecklinger is nicknamed the “Artist-Admiral” because of how cultured and well-rounded he is.

Fritz Josef Bittenfeld

(From episode 16.)

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is Bittenfeld, the short-tempered, bombastic commander of the Black Lancers (basically picture the intensity and camaraderie of the Rosen Ritter, except a fleet instead of an infantry unit, and without the long history of defection and betrayal). Bittenfeld has already been the recipient of one slap on the wrist—that would have been a lot more severe if not for Kircheis’s intervention—and frequently gets into trouble for rushing into dangerous situations before he’s fully thought them through, both on and off the battlefield.

Look, I did my best to sum up the differences between Bittenfeld and Mecklinger but I honestly don’t know why I bothered when this one exchange captures them so perfectly.

Anton Ferner

Here to answer the eternal question of “What if Oberstein, but hot?” is Anton Ferner, an Imperial cop who is loyal to whomever he dubs most able to make use of his loyalty. Like Oberstein, Ferner views himself less as someone with ambitions of his own and more as a tool to be wielded by someone more powerful. Also like Oberstein, Ferner has an unsettling air about him, made only slightly less so by the fact that he doesn’t habitually remove his eyeballs (that we know of).

You may remember Ferner from back in episode 9, when he sardonically refused to fire on the suicidally destructive Klopstock because a statue of Rudolph von Goldenbaum stood in his way.

However, whereas Oberstein has an overarching philanthropic goal that drives his utilitarian machinations, Ferner’s only motivation seems to be the joy he derives from serving someone he has deemed worthy. And here we get to the main difference between Ferner and Oberstein (other than their respective levels of hotness): Ferner can, in fact, feel joy! Or amusement, anyway.

Ferner is constantly smirking when he’s been bested in some way; he absolutely gets off on other people being powerful and talented, but again, we’re not here to kinkshame.

After Ferner ignores Braunschweig’s orders, attempts to assassinate Reinhard on his own, and is summarily defeated, he surrenders to Reinhard and offers him his loyalty. Reinhard, never one to scoff at potential no matter how it ends up in front of him, accepts and, appropriately, gives him to Oberstein as a pet.

I’ll bet you thought I was kidding.

Oberstein and Ferner, the creepiest utilitarian weirdos in the galaxy, have found each other at last! I’m sure they’ll get along great; Ferner, at least, will probably think Oberstein’s removable-eyeball trick is hilarious.  

And we must never ever forget that Ferner, according to Matsuri Okuda’s original character designs, started life as a rejected Reuental concept. Which may explain why I think he’s so beautiful.

Otto von Braunschweig (and Ansbach)

Have you noticed that nobody on Reinhard’s team—not even anyone of noble birth—has that awful George-Washington-style aristocrat hair? Even Mecklinger, who keeps his hair long, doesn’t wear it in a ponytail with an enormous bow. My point is that Braunschweig’s hairstyle, which is hideous, is also a good indicator that he is evil, or at least regressive. And whereas there’s an abundance of nuance when it comes to whether the Empire or the Alliance is morally “better,” everyone can agree on one thing: The Imperial nobles are bad. And Braunschweig, as their leader, is the most bad.

Another way to tell Braunschweig is evil is that he frequently does things like imply that if celebrated admirals don’t do his bidding, he’ll have their young daughters killed.

Braunschweig—who is the late Kaiser Friedrich IV’s son-in-law, by the way—is actually too unambiguously evil to be interesting on his own. The only thing that holds my attention about him beyond the fact that I want to cut off his ponytail is the fact that he is one half of yet another pair of men. And his loyal retainer and counterpart, Ansbach, is in turn only interesting insofar as parallels are set up between his relationship to Braunschweig and Kircheis’s relationship to Reinhard, particularly (so far at least) in episode 9:

Remember this? The similarities between Ansbach and Kircheis’s frenzied searches for Braunschweig and Reinhard, respectively, are too striking to be anything but intentional.

Like I said in my episode 9 post, though, there’s no reason as of yet to think that the relationship between Braunschweig and Ansbach is romantic; even if that’s what the parallels point to, they’re one-sided at this stage, so if Ansbach’s feelings of devotion do cross over into romantic territory, it’s unlikely that they’re reciprocated. Sorry, Ansbach.

Incidentally, Ansbach doesn’t have a last name. Or he doesn’t have a first name. In any case, he only has one name, and it’s Ansbach. Also, if I didn’t hate him so much, I’d be worried about his skin. He looks like he could use several glasses of water, maybe applied directly to his face.

Willibald Joachim von Merkatz (and Schneider)

Merkatz was actually voted the class of 447’s Most Expressive Eyebrows at military academy. Wow!

Merkatz, a very accomplished and grizzled admiral who has been griping about Reinhard and his youth since episode 1, will spend more time in the spotlight later, but I wanted to mention him now for a couple reasons: First of all, his eyebrows are incredible and I can’t stop watching him move them. I honestly don’t know what he’s saying most of the time because I’m too focused on his eyebrows. I’m simultaneously impressed and scared. Second of all, we can go ahead and add Merkatz to the growing stack of (male) characters who are one half of a defined (male) pair.

Merkatz’s counterpart, Bernhard von Schneider, is a young officer who spends most of his screentime in episode 18 with his jaw on the floor while Merkatz explains to him the concept of nuance.

Or maybe he’s just mesmerized by Merkatz’s eyebrows. Same, Schneider. Same.

Anyway, keep an eye on these two, and by these two, I mean Merkatz’s eyebrows. I’d also recommend maybe paying attention to Merkatz himself, and Schneider too, because there will be a lot more to say about them down the line.

Stray Tidbits

I really enjoy how ostentatious literally everything to come into contact with the Imperial nobility is; like how are Reinhard and Kircheis's ships less flashy than something? How?

I am being personally victimized by the fact that this guy’s monocle doesn’t actually fall out. 

[mild-lunacy]

What Authorial Intent is For

I've been thinking about Authorial Intent after all those Sherlock scripts landed. How important is it? What does it change? What is it really *for*, in the end?

On the one hand, some people in fandom say they don't care about it at all, because there's only the text of the show (read: their preferred interpretation of it) and fanon. Naturally, there's a lot of positivity about fanon (particularly shipping) within fandom. People profess to love it (well, people who are not me), and often say it has special redemptive properties when canon lets us down. All that's fine and good, but there's definitely a sort of exclusivity to this stance. Either you feel that blissful indifference or you don't, it seems, though people do seem to return to this as a default opinion under stress. A lot of people who've felt said indifference appear to have a hard time understanding why others would care about more questionable things like happy endings and explicit resolutions to the plot or characterization questions in the show. Aren't open-ended questions better than any potential answers, anyway? It all gets a little philosophical, to do with one's stances on the nature of perception and objectivism vs. subjectivism.

On the other hand, some people say they care a lot about Authorial Intent and can kind of fixate on it. Except that a lot of times, you have a situation where one's fanon doesn't match up to what canon seems to be saying, or the results are otherwise disappointing. In that case, people invent many theories for what the author was 'really' saying. It gets a little... complex. It's clear that people in fandom don't really want to give up any fanon and/or interpretation, so there's flexibility generally built into the canon-whore route. After all, the author(s) could always be saying something metaphorically or symbolically, lying, being indirect or humorous, etc etc. It's certainly convenient how easily the same words or actions could be used to fit a preset interpretation. People can get pretty creative about proving how the author(s) are *really* on their side, though the default is often simply to get angry and either quit fandom or join the fanon-friendly group. After all, the thing with human communication is that the truth of it's never pure and rarely simple.

This brings me to the muddle of a group-produced TV show like BBC Sherlock, where 'intent' may be shared but imperfectly. What are you really referring to when you're talking about the 'real' intent (especially when you have no trustworthy inside info), especially if the intent changes and/or there's potentially at least *some* initial divergence between the actors and the writers, even if they come to an understanding in the end. What happens to the fan theories if the intent changes, and how could one assume it's possible to tell if it were to do so?

Of course, maybe I should've thought about these thorny questions more seriously before I went 100% on canon Johnlock. I think the Unifying Theory was that they all talked about it and compared notes, so any inconsistencies were just about process. And it's not like I think there's been any apparent rift between the actors and Mofftiss, or between Moffat and Gatiss themselves. I just think looking at the apparent shifts due to Martin Freeman's acting in ASiP put this issue into stark relief. It's not that I think Martin's acting went *against* the creators' intent, really, but there's still that issue of... serendipity as opposed to conscious choice, I suppose. Like, Mofftiss may see quality in the acting and go 'yes, that! that works wonderfully as well!' and so they work with it, but it raises the question of who, exactly, determines characterization. Whose intent matters here? Or alternatively, sometimes there's a 'big deal' in phrasing, like that misunderstood 'who you are doesn't matter' line, as Ivy described. The fact is, fandom can be quite an echo chamber, and no one notices that sometimes a line isn't really meant to refer to the thing the audience might assume. We think we're talking about the consequences of 'intent', but there's only a massive misreading there, though once it's widespread enough, I suppose one questions whether or not it might gain a life of its own.

And yet, I'm unhappy dismissing intent entirely 'cause I think it's a very useful tool, especially in retrospect. It helps focus the mind, and it's inescapable if you care more about the canon than fanon by nature. Of course, I'm also aware how much mental gymnastics people are capable of to avoid actually deferring to the author even while talking about their interest in canon. That's not to mention the difficulties of even determining what and whose intent *counts* as canon in an ensemble effort. There's good reason for sticking with the surface and basic subtextual or thematic elements of the text 'as is'; the deeper subtext seems endless, and the meaning in symbolism is inherently fuzzy. In general, the benefit of 'the text', as opposed to the amorphous underlying 'intent', is that it's relatively stable. In the case of BBC Sherlock, I think the text is clear and unambiguous to anyone not confined by heteronormativity or the need to have everything spelled out. It consistently gives us canon Johnlock, and is internally continuous (even up to and including TFP, some viewers' concerns with the execution aside). Basically, the argument for romantic entanglement after TLD, using the arc and the action as seen on the show itself, is solid.

The question then becomes, why should we go out of our way to be confused by considering intent, given that's so difficult to determine in the first place? Why should Moffat and Gatiss have so much power, especially on the presumed question? A valid concern, certainly.

The fact is, it's difficult to get away from seeing the show in a social context, especially being in fandom-- and I'm more resistant to it than 99.9% of people I've seen here. I'm still pretty frustrated by the ramifications that flow from the ostensibly heteronormative intent, because the fact is, people can and *do* read the show in general and TFP in particular not only heteronormatively, but actually supporting Sherlock now being more open to love... with Molly! People can and do read this show as having Sherlock showing the most romantic interest and investment in Molly Hooper. I'm not trying to single it out as a pairing, but this is why I believed in the explicit resolution and thought it was necessary to the story. At this point, leaving Sherlock in the closet feels like gaslighting. I'm genuinely more emotionally distant and more okay with this than 99% of TJLCers, but I'm not *immune* to the fact that I'm still 'delusional' while people write thoughtful metas on Sherlock's happy future with a woman he canonically rejected many times, because that's so much more plausible and obvious than the man he clearly loves and his whole story has revolved around. No one writes articles in the media about how crazy the people who see canon Sherlock/Molly are. And it's not because there's more evidence for that than for canon Johnlock, obviously. No one does much hand-wringing about whether Mofftiss meant for it to seem like Sherlock wanted Molly after all in TFP, and it's not because that's clearly the case. In fact, the opposite is true: TFP made it very obvious that Sherlock was manipulated into hurting a friend, but that *doesn't matter* to those who choose to reinterpret it.

Basically, it's less that intent matters to the story, or is even possible to determine with absolute accuracy, and more that we need it from the stories care about. We need the validation. We need the vindication. We need the support. It matters. It's always mattered. Representation has to do with conscious intent, and is impossible without it. That's the whole point.