#can we just help child stars realize they can move away from the Disney Channel unicorn puke personas naturally?

[animezinglife]

I really know nothing about Jojo Siwa post-Dance Moms, but all I can say is after witnessing whatever that video was, this is definitely her Miley Cyrus x foam finger moment.

[whumphoarder]

Who Needs Disney When You Have Russell Crowe?

Summary: When Peter’s ear infection gets a little out of hand, Tony and Morgan have slightly different ideas of how to help.

Word count: 1,874

Genre: Sickfic, domestic fluff, Whump Lite™

A/N: Thanks to @xxx-cat-xxx for beta-reading and ideas <3

Link to read on Ao3

Peter wakes to the sound of quiet whimpering.

It takes a few seconds for his groggy brain to register where he is, but the warm glow of the bunny-shaped night light on the opposite wall illuminating the Arendelle toy castle and the pile of stuffed animals on the floor gives it away. He’s in Morgan’s room. Morgan, who insisted on getting a bunk bed for her sixth birthday so that she and Peter could have sleepovers whenever he came to visit.

Morgan, who is clearly in the midst of a nightmare.

“Mo...” Peter whispers hoarsely. There are a few more quiet, pained whimpers. “Mo,” he tries again, louder. His left ear is throbbing and it’s ridiculously stuffy in this room—he’s actually sweating. Kicking the tangled bed covers off of himself, he lifts a hand to tap the wooden bed frame over his head. She stirs. “Morgan, wake u-up.” His voice cracks on the last word.

Morgan sits up in her bunk. “Yeah?” she asks drowsily. She leans over the edge of bed to look at him, strands of her long hair falling in her face. “What is it?”

She doesn’t seem particularly upset, which Peter finds strange. “Did… did you have a b-bad dream?” he asks.

In the dim light of the room, he can just make out her curious expression. “I don’t think so.” She swings her legs over the side of the bed and shimmies backwards down the ladder. “Did you?”

“Wh-What?” His ear is ringing, the pain feeling almost bone-deep. There’s another whimper, barely audible.

“You’re crying,” she says simply, perching herself on the edge of his bed. Her brow knits together. “Are you sad?”

Peter wipes the back of his hand roughly across his face and finds it’s wet with tears. It takes a second for his addled brain to realize that she’s right, and then an instant wave of self-consciousness washes over him as he looks into the eyes of the frowning six-year-old. “No, sorry, ‘m fine.” He pushes himself up on his elbows, hurriedly brushing the tears away.

Morgan’s eyes go wide. “You’re bleeding!” she gasps.

“Huh?” Peter follows her horrified gaze down to the pillow he’s been using. It’s covered in something dark and sticky. Alarmed, he lifts a shaky hand to his throbbing ear and feels more liquid trickling down. “Oh – um – wow, uh...”

“I’m getting Daddy!” Morgan declares, jumping up from the mattress and spinning on her heel. “Hang on!”

“Wait, no, don’t freak him—”

But she’s already out of the room.

“...out.” With a small groan, Peter carefully sits the rest of the way up and flips the lamp on. The pastel lilac pillowcase is stained with a mixture of blood and yellowish fluid. Grimacing, he grabs some tissues from the box on Morgan’s dresser and dabs them carefully at his dripping ear, hissing sharply at the stabbing pain it causes.

Within a minute, Morgan is back, dragging the hand of a disheveled but surprisingly alert-looking Tony in after her. “See? He’s crying and bleeding out of his ears!” she blurts.

“Just one ear,” Peter corrects, lowering the tissue down to look at the fresh blood and pus on it. “Gross...”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Oh, well in that case I’ll just go back to bed—you’re perfectly fine.” He moves over to the bed, Morgan following close behind. “Anything you wanna share with the class? You take any good hits to the noggin’ recently? Blow something up?”

Peter shakes his head as much as he dares, which only increases the ringing sensation. “No, nothing like that,” he mutters. He wishes this was something cool and Spider-Man related, but he’s pretty sure it’s just his patented Parker Luck™. “Ear started hurting a couple days ago,” he admits. “Thought it would go away.”

Tony pulls out his phone and flips on the flashlight. “Can I see it?”

“Yeah,” Peter says, wincing. He bites his lower lip and does his best to keep as still as possible as Tony peers into his ear with the light.

“What does it look like?” Morgan asks curiously.

“Ugly as hell...” Tony mutters. He flicks the light off and turns to Peter. “Pretty sure you ruptured your eardrum, kiddo.”

“Ah.” The pain seems to ramp up with the confirmation. That checks out. Certainly feels like someone just bored a hole through his ear. He can feel the fluid dripping out down his cheek.

Tony must notice it too because he grimaces and pulls a couple more tissues out of the box to hand him. “You know, if you weren’t feeling well, you could have told us that when you got here,” he points out. “Instead of waiting until”—he glances at his lock screen—“3:37 in the morning.”

Peter manages a small smirk. “Gotta keep you on your toes. You know, now that you’re retired and all...”

Looking very unamused, Tony extends a hand and helps pull Peter up to standing. The movement only increases the throbbing in his ear and Peter squeezes his eyes shut tightly against a wave of dizziness.

“Alright?” Tony checks, still gripping his arm tightly.

“Yeah,” Peter breathes, the ringing growing louder. “Sorry. Just... really hurts.”

“He can have some of my medicine,” Morgan offers in a slightly hushed voice. “The one Mommy gives me when my ears hurt.”

Tony lets out a short laugh. “That’s nice of you, sweetie, but I don’t think grape-flavored Children’s Motrin is gonna cut it here.” He gestures up to the top bunk. “Why don’t you hop back up there and try to sleep some more while I go get Peter fixed up?”

Morgan sticks her lip out in a pout. “But I’m not tired now.”

Instant guilt comes over Peter at having woken her up, but Tony doesn’t miss a beat.

“Nope, you are, you just forgot,” he says knowingly. He lets go of Peter’s arm for a second to scoop the now quietly giggling six-year-old up and deposit her on the top bunk. “Count some sheep, kid,” he advises, flipping off the lamp and snagging Peter’s ruined pillow to toss in the laundry.

With Morgan situated, Tony guides Peter out of the bedroom and down the stairs. He leaves Peter to clean up in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen in search of some kind of painkiller that might work on an enhanced metabolism.

Eventually, Tony returns with a bottle of Tylenol-Codeine, a glass of water, and an apologetic look. “It’s the strongest stuff we’ve got here. Might take the edge off at least.”

Peter murmurs his thanks and takes the pills, mostly to humor him. They both know it’s a lost cause. He can burn through a dose of morphine in less than ten minutes; there’s no way over-the-counter meds are going to do anything.

“First thing in the morning, I’ll take you to see Bruce,” Tony promises. “We’ll get you on some antibiotics and something better for the pain.”

Peter just hums in response.

Tony sighs. “We can try a heating pad,” he suggests. “That helps Morgan sometimes.”

“Sure.” Peter shrugs, listless. He’ll do anything at this point to make his ear stop aching.

Tony locates the heating pad and gets Peter set up on the chaise section of the couch under a blanket with the heating pad resting on the pillow under his ear. It helps marginally, which is slightly more than Peter can say for the pills.

“Sorry, kiddo. If only you’d known me in the nineties,” Tony says with a sad chuckle. “Could’ve tried all kinds of stuff on you.”

Peter lets out a short, empty laugh. “Yeah, too bad. Sure May would’ve loved that…”

Tony settles down onto the other end of the couch and flips on the TV for distraction. After a bit of channel flipping, he picks a period war drama about a badass sea captain fighting during the Napoleonic Wars, starring Russell Crowe.

(It was that or “My Strange Addiction” on TLC, and neither of them felt like watching a woman eat a couch).

Peter doesn’t exactly sleep, but he closes his eyes and drifts in and out while the movie plays low in the background. He’s kind of queasy—probably a combination of the otherwise useless drugs and the low grade fever he’s pretty sure he’s got going—but it’s nothing too awful. At least the sounds of cannons firing and battles being waged on screen drown out the incessant ringing in his head.

He isn’t sure how much time passes before a new voice joins the mix in a stage-whisper:

“Are they gonna cut his arm off?”

Peter’s eyes snap open. He sees Tony dozing on the other end of the sofa, so he sits up a little straighter and turns around to look at the staircase behind him. Sure enough, Morgan is sitting on the fourth step from the bottom, just high enough to see over the couch to the TV.

“I thought you went back to bed,” Peter whispers.

Morgan shrugs. “Counting sheep is boring.” She stands up and tiptoes down the rest of the stairs and into the living room. “Are they gonna cut his arm off?” she repeats.

Peter looks back at the movie. The ship’s doctor is in the midst of a rather intense amputation scene on a young boy’s infected arm. “Yeah, looks like it,” he says through a wince. He should probably change the channel to something more child-friendly, but Tony’s got the remote balanced on his knee and he’s all the way on the other end of the sofa. Oh well.

Morgan nods at the screen, looking impressed. Then she looks back to Peter. “Does your ear still hurt a lot?”

“Nah, it’s not so bad,” Peter lies. “No need to cut it off or anything.” He scoots over on the cushion a bit. “You wanna sit here with me?”

“Yeah.” She nods and hops up onto the couch beside him, snuggling against his right side. “Did Daddy give you medicine?” she inquires.

“Yeah, he did,” Peter assures.

She nods approvingly. “And did he give you the heater thingy?”

Peter lifts the heating pad up slightly for her to see. “Yep.”

“Good.” She nods again. “And cuddles?”

“Eh…” His gaze drifting to his quietly snoring mentor, Peter smirks a bit. “I think I’m getting too old for those.”

“Everybody needs cuddles,” she says knowingly. Scooting a little closer to him, she wraps her arms around his waist. “See?”

A small smile creeps across Peter’s lips. “Yeah, I see.”

They sit there for a moment, Peter doing his best to focus on the steady pressure of the six-year-old’s gentle squeeze rather than the thumping in his head. It’s almost peaceful.

“Either that, or you need a stick,” Morgan pipes up, breaking the spell.

Peter’s brow furrows. “A stick?”

“To bite down on,” she explains, pointing at the TV. “Like the boy in the movie.”

Peter blinks, then shifts his gaze sideways to the little girl watching nineteenth-century field surgery technique with genuine interest.

“It’s so he doesn’t scream,” she informs.

Peter holds out his hand. “Just give me the remote, Mo.”

X

Link to all my fics

If you enjoyed this story, you might also like: Adventures at the Stark Lake House

[popculturebuffet]

The Color of Friendship Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27): A World of People

Happy Black History Month! Another day, another comission from longtime supporter of the blog Weird Kev and like a good chunk of his-non duck asks, he asked me for something outside my usual wheelhouse. In the past this has meant an episode of the short lived fox show whoops in which we found out how Santa dealt with the end of the world, didn’t know how doors worked, and interacted with some characters so thin you could remake the episode with just Mick Foley in a santa suit and carboard cutouts playing the characters lines and it’d be about the same, and earlier this month Sorry Wrong Meeting, an episode of a sitcom i’d never seen an episode of the Jeffersons about the KKK. So unsuprisingly his big comission for Black History Month was the 2000 Disney Channel Original Movie, The Color of Friendship. 

I couldn’t find much on the making of the film, which dosen’t entirely suprise me as at the time this came out, Disney was releasing around 10 a year and whlie that stopped shortly, it still was a whopping 6 a year for some time, ocasionally more ocasionaly less, slowly dwindling down to the two of year we have now. Though it’s still an ongoing concern and has been since the channel started in 83, closing in on 40 years ago, so it’s still impressive Disney hasn’t just outright phased them out. Then again the popular ones make them a lot of money and some like High School Musical and the Descendants Trilogies have broken out so big they’ve lead to spinoff books, tv series in the latter’s case, and all that stuff making them money hand over fist. So making some cheap movies that MIGHT end up making them rich and usually star people that are already on shows they have or were at one point is a no loose proposition, especially now they add an extra release to the Disney Plus callender twice a year. And while the library has it’s gaps and i’ve griped about them enough.. I will say it’s stil la damn good library and it’s nice to be able to watch a film like this, as the dvd was LONG out of print and likely horribly expensive, and while renting it was an option, it would’ve chipped into what I got commissioned for the film. Still would’ve done it it just would’ve sucked to loose money on the deal, if only two bucks, for something I had no control over. Still would do that over adding it onto the comission fee. Point is stuff that’s not been easy to get for some time is now just a few clicks or taps of the remote away, and having the VAST majority of disney’s long and storied history from theatrical to dcom to weird tv oddities like.. this thing

I don’t know what Fuzzbucket is, and frankly I don’t want to know.. I mean I will for a comission or something but i’m not going to go out of my way to find out what that thing is and if it can give me scabies through a telvision screen despite being fictional and proabably long dead. At least I tell myself it’s long dead so ic an sleep at night without worrying about that thing breaking into my house and watchnig me while I sleep changing “SOON JACOB, SOON”. So yeah while you’ll hear me complain about the gaps in DIsney Plus’ library a lot on this blog. 

I will give credit where it’s due, and what is on there is pretty expansive and now includes the Muppet Show, which I give them full credit for as that probably took a LOT of work and money to make happen. Plus WandaVision is fucking fantastic, especially now i’m finally all caught up. 

But while as I said I couldn’t find much on the making of the film I did find a bit on it’s inspiration: It was inspried by a short story wrtten by Piper Dellums, a writer, poet and activist, and daughter of Ron Dellums. Dellums is a notable congressman who fought against apartheid and constantly fought for a bill to divest from South Africa, something that SHOCKINGLY, Ronald Regan tried to veto because he was a racist disney anamatronic what did you expect, and all in all seemed pretty awesome. He sued Bush SR to try and prevent Desert Storm, in his earliest days in office had an exibit near his phsyical office of vietnam war crimes to try and hold them acountable and in general seems to be a fascenating, hardworking man who constantly and religiously fought for the people and against war. 

The story was a real life account of the Piper’s experince housing a South African Student, Marie, who the Delums Family expected to be black.. but turned out ot be white. During Apartheid, south africas racist as hell and horrifying goverment system of segregation that wasn’t abolished till the 90′s. As expected she was racist, but as a proudct of the horribly racist country she came from and much like with her fictional counterpart in this film, slowly grew to realize how fucked up her homeland was and by the time she went back, became an activist She and Piper were very close but her story ends tragically as eventually Piper stopped hearing from her after she was arrested and despite attempts to talk to her.. it was clear by the silence, and by the fact Piper visited South Africa post-aparthied to help and likely would’ve seen her.. that she was likely quitely killed by the state. But her story thankfully lives on, so join me under the cut to see how a 20 year old disney movie aired during black history month handles this difficult real life story, racisim and the 70′s. 

The Cast: Quick bit about the cast since I usually do this for first episodes of an animated show and wish i’d done so for my other film reviews so far. Though to keep things simple, i’m only doing the main four cast members, especailly since frankly outside of Mahree’s parents the rest are more supporting roles that don’t have a lot of screen time and in hte case of the south african embassy workers, are just there to be racist card board cutout villians.  Piper, who keeps her name from real life is played by Shadia Simmons, who eventually retired from acting to become a High School and Acting Teacher. During her career she was in a bunch of Disney Channel Original Movies, including the first two Zenon Movies, and was in a major role in a bunch of live action childrens shows: I Was A Sizth Grade Alien, Strange Days at Blake Holsely High, and Life with Derek, the only one of which i’ve seen and even then barely so I can’t comment on the rest of her work. Simmons does a decent job in the film, and does shine in the more dramtic scenes, not the best part of it but certainly not bad at all. 

Lindsay Haun plays Mahree, and had more of an acting career after this one, having a small recurring role on True Blood as Hadley, while also directing some smaller films. Haun is easily one of the two highlights of the movie and the best of the two main tween actresses by a mile. More on that in a bit. 

Next we have Carl Fucking Lumbly as Congressman Ron Dellums. Carl has had a long and storied career and the fucking is because of what I best know him from: Playing the Martian Manhunter Jon Jonzz on Justice League. And let me not undersell it: his version of Jon is waht made me LOVE the character, still do to this day, being the first time I encountered any version of Jon and the one I still love the most, a stoic man who tries to adapt to a world he feels he can never be a part of, adding shades to his stitled demeanour to show off his emtitons and in general being the heart and soul of what made this verison work and made me love the character with his performance. He’s done other stuff too including Cagney and Lacey, Doctor Sleepand what have you.. but he’ll always be Jonn to me and that’s not a bad thing in the slightest. Unsuprisingly he’s the other standout here. 

Finally we have Penny Johnson as Ron’s wife and Piper’s Mother Roscoe,  who played Captain Sisko’s love intrest on Deep Space 9 and was one of the leads on castle. Haven’t seen either of those but she does seem awesome and does a terrific job here. 

Moving on to the film itself.. it’s really fantastic. It has some awkwardness and goofy bollocks as you’d expect from a disney channel original movie in 2000, but it handles a really heavy subject, race relations, gracefully and clearly with the goal of educating an audience with a lot of white kids in it about race. So I can praise what it does right i’m going to be handling the parts that are a bit wobbly first so I can get to the good stuff

Awkwardness and Goofy Bollocks:

First the out and out criticism: The films TV Movie roots show in places, as this film lacks the polish these films would have later this decade, with the film barely having an opening title sequence and just sorta throwing you in, though to their credit it does open with the utterly awesome Back in Love Again, because 70′s. 

That slaps and that’s an undeniable fact. What’s also an undenaible fact is the film dosen’t try the hardest to be very 70′s in it’s sets and what not, though it does do it a little with the clothes and that not being the case with Mahree is intentional, as her family while wealthy is from another culture and one literally and metaphorically behind the times. 

I will also say Shadia Simmons is a decent actress, but is mildly weak in comparison to the other 3 in the leads, but its more the result of putting a pretty standard child sitcom actress up against two experinced actors who know what their doing and one whose about as experinced as her, but simply has a LOT to work with and goes above and beyond. It’s less that she’s bad and more that she’s simply not as good as what’s around her, and in general I tend to go easier on child actors since it’s not an easy job for a grown adult much less a teenager, it’s very pressurey and there’s a reason a LOT of them bottom out as they get older or retire all together. 

I will say though that Piper’s brothers are awful and I feel are only there because she actually had brothers. The actors try, i’m not pinning this on them but writing wise their just two little shits who contirbute ntohing of value to any scene their in, being generally way to young to get into the heavy topic at hand, and mostly being there for unfunny shneanigans. They aren’t in the film too much otherwise they might’ve ruined it for me, but if Shadia struggles a bit agianst sttronge perofrmances imagine who younger actors with the stage direction “Be the bane of my existence” and you’ll MAYBE see the problem. 

The film also loves cheesy time passing montages, including an actual factual shopping montage, easily the goofiest, but it’s something you’d expect from a dcom and helps lighten the mood. That’s a running theme outside the brothers there really isn’t anything too silly.. until the last act.  See in the last act, the film tackles the real life death of Steve Biko, a South African activist against apartheid who was captured by the state and very transparently murdered in jail. with the government claming he killed himself which no one bought because why would they, and it sparked riots worldwide and finally got the US to take Apartheid seriously according to the film. Though as I mentioned earlier Regan did not in case you thought the republican party being terrible and deeply racist was a brand new thing. It was not. Guys like Tucker Carlson and Former President Trump are a symptom, not the disease.. though they certainly look and feel like some form of plauge. Point is Mahree is breifly taken by the embassy.. whose staff who take her feel like the Disney Channel Original Movie form of Nazi’s. The heavy accents, the way they compose themselves... I half expect an elderly indiana jones to show up to whip the piss out of them. And dont’ get me wrong, the only diffrence between these pricks and a nazi is the fact they don’t call themselves nazis, this isn’t a nuanced horrifying racist to be scared of but a saturday morning cartoon version. 

While  white supremacists in real life can be cartoonishly evil, again see trump and carlson, it does kind of undercut the seriousness and nuance of things to have your villians be cold, cackling cutouts who are 5 seconds away from saying “You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor take her away” to our heroine, especailly since Mahree’s reaction to being taken away and confusion at everything and at being treated like a prisoner by her own people are very painful and very well acted.   I do get showing them as monsters, because they were, but given Mahree’s father who as a south african police man was DEFINTELY ONE and even outside his racisim doubts and downtalks his own daughter, still feels like an actual person, if not a GOOD person, they could’ve done better and did in the same film. 

But that stuff aside.. I really can’t find much that’s honestly that silly or bad and as you can tell what little I did was more a product of being a tv movie. So now i’ve got the negatives out of the way

This Film Is Pretty Good: It truly is, for a lot of reasons. But the biggest is the nuance. It could’ve been easy to just have Maree as some racist kid needing to learn a lesson who was openly cruel and easy to jeer at.. but the film went iwth the reality: that she was instead an extremley privlaged and insulated girl who simply NEVER knew better. To her her very racist and segregated world is just the way the world worked for her and she dosen’t even consider when the Dellums come to pick her up minus Ron these aren’t servants and her own servant’s words fall on deaf ears, as the poor woman tries to make it clear how miserable her life is and how much she deseprately wants this child to do better. Marhee is never actively malicious even when, due to the shock of her all black host family, she baricades herself in Piper’s room. It’s obnoxious sure and CERTAINLY hurtful and the film makes no bones about it and Piper rightfully calls her out on it. The film dosen’t let her get away with any intetnional racisim like that and after Piper calls her out, she realizes she’s been selifsh and makes a genuine effort. And even then the film makes a good choice in not making it an easy road to realization. Mahree makes a genuine effort in the first place not because of any big revelation or anything, but because she simply hears her dad in her head telling her she’d give up after a week and that, coupled with Piper’s words, makes her see herself as a selfish brat. Even after she’s floored by a mall where black and white people stand side by side aand casually talks about horrors like ID Cards like i’ts a GOOD thing, because that’s what she’s been taught by her dad. That black people are happy being told where they can and can’t go when no they weren’t they simply had no chocie in the matter. And while we do see early on when an asshole at a restraunt assaults a waiter for an accident that Mahree clearly isn’t okay with the more horrifying side of things, she still dosen’t quite grasp WHY that happened, simply that it’s something that does reguarly she dosen’t like. It’s excellently, and unsuprisingly called back when they visit an ice cream place in the states and something similar happens.. but the guy takes it in stride, even ordering a sundae, to Maree’s confusion. 

It’s what makes the film work and all the more striking: As Roscoe makes clear to Ron, whose admant about nto having a racist in the house, this is not her fault. While the film makes it clear Mahree’s behavior at first was not okay and her prejudiece is not okay, it also makes it VERY clear she’s a product of a terrible system and terrible parenting from people who choose to benneift from the system instead of challenge it. She’s only like this because she hasn’t had a reason to ever think diffrent and just took her parents at face value and no mater the country, this is something that sadly happens far too often: Someone hating a group or thinking discrimination is okay because that’s how they were taught and that’s all they’ve known and the only way to change that is to challenge that opinon and try to get them to have some empathy and see the other way and as this film shows it’s a struggle.. and at the end of the day while the Dellums make a concentrated effort, Maree is the one who has to realize what her parents taught her is bad and her country is inherently flawed and NEEDS to change, just like ours did, and STILL badly needs to. 

And that’s where the nuance kicks in as the good congressman is understandable in not wanting a racist in his house... but his wife is equally right that Maree is not some easy symbol of his hatred towards south africa, but a girl who grew up knowing nothing more than the fucked up system, and eventually he comes around, realizing , especially after she apologizes for him even thinking she’d use a racial slur on piper after a very powerful conversation with the two and piper accidently saying she used the South African N Word, almost accidently getting her friend thrown out, that she simply hasn’t been outside her shell and gently guides her to keep reading roots, even letting her take it with her if she wants back home. The film shows the full pain of the situation  but also shows change is posisble. Again it’s not easy, Mahree has a panic attack waiting in an almost all black line in school and it’s shown to be as horrible a thought as it is., but she DOES change and it comes off as real, as someone realizing the system they grew up with is broken and needs to be fixed and she can’t just sit back and let it. 

What makes this happen, besides the aformentioned kidnapping by saturday morning cartoon racists, is Piper confronting her after a friend from south africa forces Piper to acccept that while her and Mahree are friends, Mahree might not seee her as equal and Piper in turn in a heated argument and easily Simmons best performance of the film, that things are broken and wrong and that her “firend”, her nanny/servant back home, is not happy. It leaves Mahree crying and Ron telling her the honest truth: Change was, and again still is but this was 2000 and while we should’ve had this talk disney channel wasn’t ready for it, needed to make things better here.. and tha’ts what south african’s doing> Fighting for equal rights at last. It’s some powerful, heavy as hell stuff you woudln’t expect from a line of movie that also include a robot house, before that was an actual thing, a merMAN dad MerMan, a boy slowly turning into a leprechaun, and at least two diffrent movies centering around wacky kidnappings. It’s a nuanced and hard look at race, as hard as late 90′s jsut turned into the 2000′s disney could get mind, aimed at kids and the film, whiel stilted really has my utter praise. It’s genuinely moving, well acted and teaches a valuable message that while not eveyrone can change.. it dosen’t hurt to try and help them, as well as the equal message that change start with YOU. someone has to WANT to be better and learn and actually let other people in to help them. And I wont’ lie and say this is the most naunced or subtle film.. at time’s it’s about as subtle as a ralph wiggum throught he window

But sometimes you don’t need to be. It also taught kids about apartheid, not me as I barely saw the film, but many learned of something ghoulsih that had barely ended at the time of the film’s release, something I only learned about as a teen via bloom county and a diffrent world, which has an utterly awesome apartheid episode “A World Alike”. Seriously check it out if you have prime, as it shows that america isn’t the only country with a deep history of ingraned racisim. And was it an easy way to have an anti racisim narriative without fully confronting america’s own racist history? Yup. Just.. yup. Can I blame Disney Channel for it when they clearly, while equipped to tackle racisim, weren’t ready to tackle something that dense or heavy, and while Proud Family later would there’s a diffrence between a 20 minute one off episode of a cartoon and 90 minutes of film? Yeah. For what it is and for what the time period is, I applaud this film taking on such a heavy topic with grace. Some goofyiness here and there yes and some lack of subtly.. but still grace. For what it is is, it’s pretty good and i hope to show it to my nieces one day soon. It has i’ts heart in the right place and thus has a place in my heart. See you next rainbow. 

[captcas]

Worth Fighting For

WORTH FIGHTING FOR by capthamm

Killian “Hook” Jones is a dominate up and comer in the UFC while Emma “The Savior” Swan’s career was cut short. When Hook’s manager moves up and the office brings in UFC’s youngest legend to keep him in check, will either of them be able to handle it?

read on ao3 // tumblr: ch 1/ ch 2

[CHAPTER 3/?]

Saturday night brings their monthly movie/game night and Emma has never been more grateful for a distraction. Ruby and the Nolans will come over around 6 o’clock and Henry is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. Tonight’s theme is Star Wars and this will be Henry’s official introduction to the series; at David’s insistence they’re starting with A New Hope and going release order from there. They’re also going to play Star Wars trivia which Henry will undoubtedly suck at.

Should be a fun night all around.

And it was, until Henry went to bed and the “adults” got to talking.

Ruby cracks another beer and turns to Emma, “So, Emma, you’ve got probably the coolest new job in the world and you haven’t said jack shit.”

She shoots Ruby an icy glare as David and MM stop bickering over whether or not Kylo Ren deserved a redemption arc to hear what Emma has to say.

Emma sighs, “It’s going alright. All the onboarding is underway and between the perks, benefits, and pay, Henry should be set for life.” She’s been fortunate to live off her winnings for the past nine years, being mindful of money and not giving into the lifestyle of frivolous spending many fighters take on, but -even her friends know- she doesn’t have a money tree.

The looks on their faces when she mentions Henry being set for life could melt 1000 Olafs. When she arrived at Ruth Nolan’s home at the age of 16, she never expected to find a family. Hardened by a life too lived for anyone her age, Emma assumed they’d be like every other foster home and use her for the money. To this day, she’s never been so happy to be wrong.

Emma’s not sure what twist of fate landed an orphan with such a great support system, but she’ll be forever grateful. David took to the “protective brother” role immediately. Soon after Emma moved in, he met Mary Margaret (fireworks and butterflies and all that mumbo jumbo) who introduced them to Ruby. They’re small, and maybe a bit scrappy, but they’re family.

She breaks out of her thoughts and returns to the present, “I will need some babysitting though; I’m required to attend each of my client’s Fight Nights. But overall it’s great, really!”

She hopes she squeaked away without having to mention Jones at all but the glint in Ruby’s eye tells her otherwise. “Ok that’s all fine and dandy,” Mary Margaret shoots Ruby an incredulous look, warning her to tread carefully, but Ruby ignores her and continues, “but who’s the client?”

David is giving her a protective father vibe, Ms is practically vibrating, and she's pretty sure Ruby is salivating. Emma sighs realizing she shouldn’t postpone the inevitable, “Killian Jones.”

Ruby practically drops her drink and Mary Margaret squeals, David rolls his eyes and turns back to the TV where SportsCenter has been playing in the background. Mary Margaret beats Ruby to the punch, “THE Killian Jones?! As in Killian “Hook” Jones?!”

Emma nods, standing up to refill the only slightly empty chip bowl in front of her. She knew this was going to happen and she wasn’t exactly looking forward to her friends thirsting over her client– client… right.

Ruby speaks next, “Well that is probably the best case scenario. Do you think he can get us tickets? Have you met him? Is he as gorgeous in person as he is on TV? Can we meet him?”

Emma, now glad she’s in the kitchen with space to breathe, is starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. She knows Ms can sense it and is unsurprised when she speaks next,“For Christ’s sake Ruby let her breathe. She’s probably only had her initial meeting with him.”

Ruby seems to get the hint and it doesn’t take long before Ms is in the kitchen helping Emma pick up the leftover pizza, “We’re happy for you, Emma. He’s a huge client for them, they obviously trust you to do a good job.” Emma nods in thanks and they both head back into the living room. Her sister-in-law’s warmth always calms her (and Ruby) down which allows David to jump in and change the subject to the coverage of some football player’s arrest on SportsCenter. Emma finally catches a breath and realizes just how lucky she is for the friend dynamic they have before settling in to debate if this James Spencer kid should still be eligible for the draft.

As she lays in bed that night, Ms’ words ring through her head. Despite the rollercoaster of emotions she’s been feeling, Killian is a huge client, one that was formerly represented by a namesake for the company. This re energizes her a bit and helps her fall asleep, actually excited for what's to come.

She wakes up Sunday morning and makes Henry some pancakes and declares it a lazy Sunday. Henry happily obliged, cuddling up on the couch with The Deathly Hallows while Emma threw on some shitty reality TV.

. . .

When her alarm rings Monday morning, Emma pulls her pillow over her head like some teenager from one of those Disney Channel movies.

It takes her a second to remember what day it is and why she’s up at this godforsaken hour.

Killian Jones. Right.

She audibly groans before rolling out of bed and getting ready for the day. Between her shower and breakfast she gets Henry up. School starts at 8 so he’s technically running a bit behind but he’ll make it on the bus in time… hopefully.

She’s pouring him a bowl of cereal when he comes out of his room zipping up his sweater and rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, kid. Coco Puffs or Fruit Loops?” He mumbles some semblance of what she thinks is Fruit Loops so she pours the bowl and slides it across the kitchen island. He smiles in thanks as she pours her own bowl and sits beside him.

“So today’s the big day?”

She didn’t tell Henry about her new client and when she spoke to the Nolan’s and Ruby, he was definitely supposed to be sleeping. “How could you possibly know that?”

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are and I’m not as tired as you think I am.” He yawns as if to punctuate his point.

“Uh huh, sure, kid.” He gives her a knowing glance and she realizes she’s not getting out of this. She runs her hands over her face and sighs, “Yes, today is the first meeting and I’m only slightly nervous to fu— screw this whole thing up.”

Henry chuckles at her attempted censorship (she never said she was a perfect parent), “You’ll be great, Mom, and Hook seems like a decent enough guy. I’m sure he won’t give you too much trouble.”

She stares at Henry a bit dumbfounded. It shocks her everyday how old he’s getting– nine going on nineteen for sure.  “Are you hiding some Weasley’s Extendable Ears in your room or something? Are you a wizard? Should you be at Hogwarts?” Emma is very obviously trying to derail this conversation but it works, setting Henry off about how he’s finally on the sixth book and explaining the concept of a horcrux.

Oh, her sweet summer child.

God, maybe he is old enough for UFC.

When did that happen?

She ushers Henry to the bus, promising him they’ll watch the sixth movie tonight if he finishes the book today and is to school on time. It’s only September and he can’t be late three times in the first month of school. She kisses his forehead and he wishes her good luck.

Sometimes she wonders how such a screw up ended up with the perfect kid.

After cleaning up the kitchen, Emma finishes getting ready. She jumps on the subway and finds herself at the office with a half hour to spare. She’s never early so she chalks it up to nerves and uses the time to prep for this meeting.

Over the weekend she received multiple emails from Gold’s team surrounding a possible spot for Killian on the card for the pay-per-view Fight Night in November.

A pay-per-view card. She did enough research about Killian this weekend to know that would be his first.

Emma feels like she’s been thrown into the deep end before being taught how to swim.

Go big or go home.

She did a lot of research about Killian and learned practically nothing. She knows he came here from London almost ten years ago and that his team includes his head trainer Robin (husband of now former manager Regina Mills), and three other men named Will Scarlett, August Booth, and William Smee (he’s really selling it with that whole Hook theme). Other than that all she found was his record and highlights. He’s 6-0 which is insane for only being in the circuit for a year and a half– fighters are usually limited to three, maybe four fights a year.

4 of his 6 are knockouts.

He’s good… really good.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a light tapping on the edge of her cubicle. She glances up to find none other than the man himself. She can’t help but double take.

Real professional, Emma.

She's only ever seen him in the ring, at the gym, or dressed up for a business meeting. She’s not sure what she expected, but a leather jacket and pants that fit him like his own skin definitely weren’t it.

He looks good… really good.

Emma snaps herself out of it, “Hi, Mr. Jones, just give me a moment and we can head to the conference room.”

“It’s Killian, love, please.” She notices he winces at the seemingly habitual pet name. Emma ignores the ring of disappointment that runs through her gut at the realization that it may not be reserved for her. “A conference room’s a bit formal, don’t you think? Let’s get out of here, Swan.”

He grabs her hand before she can answer. “Mr.— Killian. Is this allowed?”

He chuckles. “We can plan the meetings at our leisure,” he says the last bit in an almost scary imitation of Regina, “but even still, Regina and I never met in office. A bit silly for two people to take up an entire conference room, yeah? Come on, lass, try something new. It’s called trust.”

Emma rolls her eyes but follows along anyway. The elevator ride should’ve been awkward but Killian kept the conversation flowing by asking her preferred drink. “Coffee, tea, or smoothies?”

Despite the risk of sounding like a child, Emma finds herself being honest with him, “Uhh, I actually prefer hot chocolate… with cinnamon.”

He smiles brightly at her, as though her drink order was the most brilliant discovery this century, “Perfect, Swan. I know just the place.”

She was so swept up in his ambush, she doesn’t realize that this isn’t the cocky, asshat Killian Jones she sees on tv or at the gym until he’s practically dragging her across the street to a small cafe. This Killian seems genuine and carries this almost childlike excitement.

Emma tells herself she has no interest in learning more about this Killian.

(Emma doesn’t have to tell herself that that is complete bullshit.)

. . .

He can’t stop himself from beaming when she offers up her drink order without hesitation. Killian feels like a bloody teenager around her. He promised himself he wouldn’t feel this way again, but something about Emma Swan has completely entranced him.

He finds himself fascinated with every part of her, including the small things, like the fact she takes cinnamon on her hot chocolate.

Once they get to the cafe across the street, Killian forces himself to dial it back. He can tell she’s guarded and as much as he’d like to be friends (more than friends) with the lass, he knows business has to come first.

It wouldn’t exactly be a good look for him if he ran “The Savior” out of the office on her second day.

Somehow he thinks he doesn’t have that power.

He’d like to. (Obviously not to run her out of the office, but he’d like his existence to mean that much to her.)

Bloody hell, he's being ridiculous.

They sit down across from each other at a small table by the window. He expects to start the conversation but before he can form a coherent thought she’s speaking.

“So, Killian. I’ve already received some correspondence from Gold’s team. I’m not sure how much time you usually take between fights and I know it’s already the end of September but…”

She’s rambling and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anybody so adorable when they’re nervous.

Adorable is not a professional descriptor.

Killian Jones doesn’t want “professional” with Emma Swan.

Fuck.

“...Gold is hoping to get you on the main card for November 14th.”

Did she just say main card?

He chokes on his coffee.

“Main card, Swan? I’ve never been on the main card. Strictly early prelims…”

She eyes him suspiciously, “Usually that’s a good thing. Upward momentum and all that. His team is clearly impressed by your dominant record.”

“Is his team the only one impressed?” The flirt escapes him before he can stop it.  

Bloody idiot.

She doesn’t even bat an eye, “The entire league seems to be impressed, Jones.” Her tone tells him she knows what just happened but she shut it down immediately.

He likes a challenge.

Emma Swan may be his favorite challenge yet.

Emma Swan is off limits, but Killian will be damned if he cares.

. . .

Emma is surprised when Killian pays for their drinks despite her insistence that she can charge it to Mills Management. She’s also surprised by how nice he is.

She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She’s still waiting.

He’s definitely flirtatious, every other sentence being easily twisted into some sort of innuendo, but she can tell it’s a front. The little things he does like tipping the barista an extra fifty cents or holding the door for her, let on to the man behind the persona.

Well, and the fact he practically chokes when she tells him they want him for the main card.

He seems genuinely shocked that anyone would be impressed by him. His mask comes out almost immediately, another innuendo laced into his question. She doesn’t let him go there, shutting it down as quickly as it started. For this to work, she needs him the real him. Not the cocky MMA fighter who he used to catch the eye of UFC execs. She compliments him, and it’s beyond genuine. That seems to calm his nerves a bit as they move into social media management and he shifts into a professionalism she’s not entirely prepared for.

She’s not sure she wants professional Killian Jones.

Whoa, Emma, pump the breaks.

She shakes it off as she watches him take notes on what she’s saying about the importance of a lead up on Twitter and how it can set the tone for the entire fight. His tongue runs along the inside of his lower lip as he concentrates and she can’t help the overwhelming wave of attraction that hits her.

Like lightning.

It’s not just the tongue, (but that’s not helping) it’s his dedication to this sport and how he actually gives a fuck about what she’s saying. Killian never displayed even a hint of the deeply rooted misogyny that runs rampant throughout the industry. He actually seems almost humbled by her presence. The words escape her mouth before she can’t stop them, “Why are you actually taking anything I say seriously?”

Very professional, Emma. Way to instill confidence in your client. Smooth.

His head snaps up at her abrupt question and he looks confused. “I know you don’t like being called a legend, Swan, but you were a damn good fighter. If I walk out of this partnership with half the following and success you had, I’d call that a win.”

She’s stunned by his sincerity.

Brick. Wall. (She thinks she hears Pink Floyd somewhere in the distance.)

“And I suppose you think you know all about me from our, what, three conversations now?” She knows it’s snippy, that’s the point.

He stops typing and puts his phone down. “Pardon me, love, but you’re a bit of an open book.”

Emma scoffs, “Anyone with the internet knows I prefer people don’t call me a legend.”

“Aye, but do they know it’s because you feel too young with a career too short to have made an impact? That you feel choosing yourself, a life, over MMA removes all glory from your name?”

Emma is entirely shaken by his apparent ability to read her like a fucking picture book. (Does that even make sense? Do you read picture books?) Emma never had a formal retirement ceremony; gloves in the middle of the ring and all that. She had asked Gold to be taken off the roster and for a quiet exit and that’s what he’d given her. The public doesn’t know the real reason she left MMA, her attempt at keeping Henry’s life as normal as possible, but somehow Killian–

Brick. Brick. Brick.

“Let’s talk about Instagram.” She sees the disappointment sweep across his face, realizing she can read him pretty well too. That’s terrifying.

Way more terrifying than social media plans.

They keep it strictly business for the rest of the meeting. She’s startled when her stomach rumbles and she checks the time.

12:00. They’ve been strategizing for three hours.

She’s not sure where the time went, and when Killian asks her if she wants to grab a bite to eat together, she’s startled again by her initial gut reaction to say yes.

Obviously, she says no and makes up some lie about needing to get back to the office. He knows it’s a lie, she can see it all over his face. He doesn’t push her though, and she’s grateful. They set their next meeting and Emma’s heart speeds up, seemingly unaware that this is a business meeting and not a date. She shakes his hand and promises to have a full plan ready for Thursday before practically sprinting out of the cafe.

In three conversations Killian Jones has gone from asshat to… who knows. One thing Emma does know is that Killian Jones is off limits to the highest of ethical degrees. But what scares her most, is that she’s not entirely sure she cares.

. . .

As soon as he asks her to lunch he knows he’s pushed too far.

Actually, he perhaps pushed too far by letting on just how easy it was for him to read her, but lunch, well that was just asking for a brick wall. He runs his hands across his face, completely taken with someone he has no right to. She’s witty, smart, and could probably kick his ass— scratch that, could definitely kick his ass— but she also has demons, he can see them swimming behind her eyes. Demons that seem scarily similar to his, maybe not on the surface but definitely in their damage. Emma is raw and unapologetic; a real human being who is, for all intents and purposes, unimpressed by the suave persona of Killian “Hook” Jones.

She’s bloody perfect.

He’s fucking fucked.

Eloquent.

Killian decides to grab a quick lunch from the cafe and head to the gym. He has a lot of pent up frustration and really feels the need to punch something. Thank god that’s his job. He scarfs down his sandwich, not realizing how hungry he was and jumps on the subway to the training center. He miraculously finds a seat and is able to scroll through his phone a bit. As he pokes around Twitter he finds an article announcing Emma “The Savior” Swan’s comeback to the UFC. He clicks on it, curiosity getting the better of him despite probably knowing the gist of the article.

He didn’t expect a timeline of her very impressive career:

2008: Swan joins the UFC with her Boston gym. Her debut match against Aurora Rose ended in a TKO. She’s back in action six months later fighting Ella Tremaine. She wins again, this time after three rounds by split decision.

2009: A dominant start to the year for The Savior with a first round submission against Tiana Dampier in January. She rounded out her year with another first round submission against El Oldenburg in May, and a third round knockout against Esmerelda Gringoire in October.

2010: Swan goes three rounds with Merida Baer and wins by unanimous decision. Swan wins again after three rounds by split decision against Megara Alcmene. The Savior’s final match is a KO against Mulan Fa rounding out her record to 8-0. Her next match, meant to be for the women’s title, was declined with no comment from The Savior.

2020: Swan joins Mills Management as a talent manager assigned to Killian “Hook” Jones.

Killian knew Swan was good, an early legend in her own right, but he had no idea she was this dominant. He also had no idea she left without so much as a wave goodbye. He figured he’d just missed the announcement seeing as it came well before his introduction into the sport. Against his typical moral code, he tries to google why she left but finds nothing. She knocks out Mulan Fa and then just stops being added to cards and fades away as new fighters take her place.

He knows there’s a reason for her secrecy and he’d be lying if he said curiosity was the only driving force behind his attempt to learn more. He finds himself wanting to know everything there is to know about Emma Swan; a deeper part of him aches for her to be the one who tells him.

He’s positive he can only dream of gaining that level of trust from her, but he has to try. Liam's words ring heavy in his ears, "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets."

He gets off at the stop closest to the training center and walks through the front doors, waving to Belle at the front desk before heading into the locker room. He’s fortunate to be on the UFC roster, allowing him to keep his training gear at the center and not have to worry about lugging it around with him. It also gives him the freedom to come here whenever he needs to let off some steam. He changes quickly and finds a treadmill to warm up. He jogs a mile and a half before picking up the pace. Killian’s in the midst of his runner’s high when someone steps into the machine next to him. He turns his head to offer them a small smile in hello, it’s not that big of a gym, exclusive to the UFC industry and a few friends of friends, so chances are he knows the person at least in passing.

Oh, Killian knows them alright, and he practically falls off the treadmill when he sees her green eyes blown wide.

[sakuswritersblog]

Accidentally Engaged - Part 2 of a Noah Centineo Mini Series

A/N: Hey Everyone! Here it is… part 2 of ‘Accidentally Engaged!’ Things are getting real now and you’re gonna see how things are changing between Noah and the reader. I had so much fun writing this one, it’s actually one of my favorite parts, so I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing it! Let me know what you all think! Every kind of feedback is appreciated :)

This is an AU. A lot of the things I mention about Noah aren’t true. I know his family is like super supportive of him in real life, Also the things about his career are not true either. It’s just that the character in the movie is like that so I had to change it for the storyline as well.

read part 1 here and part 3 here :)

****

The weekend arrived faster than I thought which meant that it was almost time for us to go through with our crazy plan. I just picked Noah Centineo up from his apartment and we were heading towards the airport to catch our flight to Conway.

“I can’t believe people actually think we’re engaged. This is insane.“ I said as I was driving through Noah’s neighborhood. It was the fancy, expensive part of Los Angeles, a part of town I could never afford to live in.

“It’s all part of the break-up plan. A stereotypical Hollywood love story. Got engaged and that’s what ultimately leads to the break up. Fear of commitment. Wedding vows.“ Noah explained as he was scrolling through his phone.

“Cheating with another woman.“ I threw in, my eyes still focused on the road.

Noah looked up from his phone and over to me, “Hmm? What did you say?“

I rolled my eyes at him. “Can you put that thing down for like two seconds? We have to make sure our story is on the same page if we’re getting married.“ I say, tilting my head to look at him.

Noah put his phone down and sighed, leaning his head against the headrest of his seat,  “Alright, I got it. We met on set. You spilled coffee on me. You offered to pay for my dry cleaning and when I called to collect it, you asked me out. And the rest is history.“

I scoffed, “I asked you out? I don’t think so.“

“Why not? Girls ask me out all the time.“ He looked at me, confused.

“Yeah… starstruck girls who get week knees just by looking at you. I’m not in that category.“

“Okay. What’s your brilliant idea then?“ He asked me.

“I don’t know, Noah. We don’t really know anything about each other.“ I tell him as we come to a stop at a red light.

“Let me guess. You grew up bored in a small town, always yearning for more. You watched chick flicks at the movies and always dreamed about being the next Julia Roberts. So you saved all of your money from the local five and dine and hopped on a bus to pursue your dreams in the City of Angels. Am I right?“ He looked over his shoulder and glanced over to me.

“You got me. Except for the part where I went to college and studied communications because I was too scared to chase after what I really wanted. Oh and the year I moved back with my mom because she was battling breast cancer. And of course the one time I almost got lost in Los Angeles because my car broke down in K-town and I didn’t have the money to fix it.“ I told him as I keep driving the car.

He gave me a sympathetic glance, “Oh shit. I’m sorry to hear that.“

“Don’t be sorry, I’m fine. I mean everybody has tough rides. But now, Mr. Centineo, it’s your turn.“ I said, looking at him.

“Oh come on. You gotta guess.“

“Okay. So… Rich parents. Had you in acting since you were a toddler. When the cool times ended you wanted to break out of that perfect Disney star persona, so you did that one terrible movie where you played a psycho pre-teen who was racking his neighbors. Shunned by your entire fan base, you’ve been doing everything you can to regain that perfect image for the last decade. Smiling into cameras, doing interview after interview, trying to portray the picture perfect Hollywood star everyone’s expecting you to be. But it’s hard because it’s not who you really are.“ I guessed, looking at him.

Noah sighed, “Ouch. That was pretty rough.“

“So what did I miss? Except for all the girls of course.“

“Well, you got me. Bad guy right here.“ He said, pointing to himself.

“I never said you were a bad guy, Noah. Just that you’re not perfect. But nobody is.“

“Tough rides for everyone, huh?“ He laughed before changing the topic. “You’re an only child?“

I nodded, “Yup. You?“

“One older sister. My parents are divorced, thank God for that. They still live in Florida.“

“You’re the black sheep of the family?“

“Kinda. I always lived in my sister’s shadow. She’s the perfect A-student who went to Harvard University. She has her own doctor’s office up on the East Coast. The only thing I’m good for is to pay for stuff my parents can’t afford.“ He stated, looking out the window.

“So no rich parents then?“

“No. I moved out to Los Angeles to live with my aunt when I was little. I always fought with my sister and got into trouble a lot. My parents never believed I had the potential to be something better. They never supported me or my acting career. My aunt on the other hand always believed in me. She was the one who helped me channel all of that into my acting. We’re still best friends ‘til this day.“

I couldn’t help but smile at that. There was more to Noah Centineo than I expected. He wasn’t just a self-oriented guy who only cared about himself or his career. He truly seemed to care about his aunt and all the things she had done for him. Maybe I shouldn’t have judged him so quickly.

“That’s cute. The part about your aunt I mean.“ I smiled at him. He just smiled back at me, locking his eyes with mine.

We spent the rest of the ride just chatting away, getting to know each other better. When we finally arrived at the airport we had to hurry through security to catch our flight back to my hometown. Unfortunately, things did take a lot longer than expected and our flight had to be delayed. After a couple of hours, we eventually landed in Conway and hurried over to the car I rented for us and made our way to meet my friends.

It was already dark outside when we finally arrived at the location for the rehearsal dinner.

I pulled the car into the parking spot in front of the restaurant before we both got out of the car.

“Okay, so who’s getting married again?“ Noah asked as he closed the car door behind him.

“My best friend Emily. She’s the least of our worries though. The ones we have to think about are Ashley and Jane.“ I explained as I walked over to him.

“Why? What exactly are they going to do?“ Noah asked, sounding a little worried.

“They’re gonna do anything they can. Just be careful around them okay?“ He nodded.

“Oh and I almost forgot. All of my friend’s call me (Y/N/N). It’s just an easy nickname.“

Noah grabbed something out of his jacket. “I almost forgot about this too.“ He said before, handing it over to me. It was an engagement ring.

I looked at him with wide eyes, “Noah, are you crazy?“

He smiled at me. “Put it on.“ I put in on my finger and just stared at it for a second. “Wow… that’s amazing.“

“Yeah, that’s from my aunt’s first marriage. She let me borrow it.“ He saw that I was struggling to put it on completely and immediately helped me out. “Here, I’ve got it.“ He touched my hand and slipped the ring on until it fit perfectly onto my finger.

“There you go.“ He smiled at me.

“Thanks,“ I whispered, blushing a little.

He let go of my hand and stared at me for a moment, before hiding both of his hands inside his pockets.

“Okay, let’s do this.“ He said, opening the door for me. I gave him a short smile and entered the restaurant before he followed me inside.

****

Once we walked into the restaurant I saw Ashley and Dylan, who immediately stared at the both of us.

“I don’t believe it.“ Ashley stated, completely amazed about Noah being there.

Soon the rest of the group noticed our presence and turned around to look at us, all of them just as surprised to see my fake fiancé as Ashley was.

“Uhm… they seem nice.“ Noah whispered, leaning over to me.

Jane rushed over to Ashley and squeaked into her ear. “Oh my gosh, he’s real.“ I heard her say before they both walked over to greet us. Everyone else did the same, but of course, Emily was the first one to arrive.

She pulled me into a hug and smiled. “Hey.“ I smiled and hugged her back.

“Noah Centineo, look at you. Just as handsome as you are in the movies.“ Ashley pointed out, a shy smile on her face.

“Yeah and tall,“ Jane added, looking him up and down.

Noah just smiled at everyone, but I could tell that he was already feeling a little overwhelmed. I put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him before introducing everyone.

“Okay, so this is Noah. And this is… Emily. Jake. Dylan. Ashley and Jane.“ I said, pointing at each of them as I was saying their names.

“Okay, let’s see. Hello Emily. Jake. Dylan. Ashley and Jane.“ He shook the boys' hand and smiled at the girls as he was going through each of their names.

“We all went to school together except for Jake,“ I explained to Noah.

“My fiancé graduated in the ’90s.“ Emily said, looking at Jake.

“Yes. We didn’t have books then, there was no fire. A lot of us didn’t make it.“ Jake joked, making Noah laugh.

“Oh my gosh, look at this!“ Ashley noticed the ring on my finger and took my hand to look at it.

Jane’s eyes widened, “Oh… wow. Congratulations to both of you.“ She said a little flabbergasted before looking back at us.

“Yeah… congrats.“ Dylan chimed in, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

Noah smiled before looking at Emily and Jake, “Congratulations to you guys as well. I got you a little something.“ He said before pulling out an envelope and handing it to Emily.

“Wow… thank you.“ She smiled at him and Jake did the same. “Thanks, that’s so sweet.“ He then realized what he just said and turned away in embarrassment, but Noah just laughed it off.

“Did we really miss the entire rehearsal dinner? I’m so sorry we were late.“ I apologized, looking at everyone.

“Yeah, you did.“ Ashley answered but Emily brushed it off. “No, it’s seriously fine. Besides you know how these things go. Walk down the aisle, smile, grab a bouquet, done.“

“and what held you guys up anyway?“ Ashley asked looking at us.

“Believe it or not they had to delay the flight because everyone asked for autographs. Luckily they eventually took off though.“ I explained and the others laughed.

“Wow, everything must be easier once you’re famous,“ Ashley commented, glancing at Noah.

He just smiled uncomfortably, clearly wanting to escape the situation.

“Okay, how about we get some punch? We’re here so… come on, help yourselves.“ Emily said before walking over to the buffet. The rest of the group followed her, leaving Noah and me alone.

“So… what did you get them?“ I asked him once everyone had left.

“Uh, it’s nothing.“ He replied, looking at me.

He put his hand on my back and smiled, “I like your friends.“

“So do I.“ I answered before we joined the others.

Noah headed to the buffet to grab some food while I sat at the table, talking to Dylan.

“Okay, so how are things with Hollywood?“ Dylan asked me.

“Oh they’re good. Great.“ I answered, looking at him.

He shook his head and looked over to Noah. “No I mean Mr. Hollywood.“

“Ohh, okay. They’re fine. Everything’s great.“

He sighed, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.“

“No, it’s fine. It’s all just new, you know? We’re still getting to know each other. Just how it is with new romances.“

“I’m only making sure you’re not making the wrong decision, that’s all.“ He stated, looking back at me.

I glanced over to Noah, who was caught up in a conversation with Ashley and Jane while putting some food on his plate.

“I could say the same thing to you, Dylan.“ He sighed and looked over to his girlfriend Ashley before focusing his eyes back on me.

“Are we ever going to talk about what happened after graduation?“ He asked, folding his hands together.

I shut my eyes and let out a breath before responding to him. “Dylan… I just didn’t know what to say.“

“I told you that I loved you. You could have said it back, you know?“

I sighed, “I just… of course I loved you, Dylan. But-“

“You didn’t think I was good enough for you?“

“We were friends and that meant too much to me.“

He sighed and looked down at his hands, “sweet.“

There was a tension between us that I hated which is why I decided to change the topic.

“Do you remember freshman year? I told my mom I was staying at Ashley’s parents beach house.“

Dylan laughed a little, “yeah and I told my mom that I had to go to Charleston to compete with the debate team just so we could go camping together. You heard a sound and thought it was a bear and completely freaked out.“

“I did not! You got freaked out. You could barely roast your marshmallow.“

“Truth be told: I wasn’t scared. I just wanted to get closer to you.“ He admitted, looking at me.

I didn’t know what to say to that which is why I just looked back at him.

He fumbled around with his hands before he said, “I don’t think I have with Ashley what I had with you.“

“Maybe you haven’t tried. Maybe you should though. I mean, Ashley’s great.“

Dylan nodded, “Yeah, maybe you’re right.“ He paused for a second. “Do you have with Noah what you had with me? Or maybe even better?“ He asked, sounding a little nervous.

“I mean he’s my fiancé, right?“ I answered before Noah joined us back at the table.

****

After two hours at the restaurant Noah and I decided to leave and go back home to my parent’s house, which was where we were staying for the night.

When we arrived it was pitch black inside, meaning my parents were already asleep.

I quietly closed the door behind me before putting all my stuff down on the floor.

“So this is where you grew up, huh?“ Noah asked, looking around the house.

“Yeah.“ I whispered back while I was fumbling for the light switch.

When the lights turned back on, my parents jumped out of their hiding places, scaring both Noah and me.

I screamed and Noah jumped out of his skin while my parents just laughed at us. “I told you guys to never do that again!“ I said before greeting them with a hug.

“Oh come on, it’s our tradition.“ My mom said, laughing.

“Whenever she came home late, we’d be hiding in the dark and go 'paaah’ and it would scare her every time!“ She told Noah, making me roll my eyes.

“Yeah, it’s a creepy tradition.“ I pointed out which made Noah laugh.

“Oh look at you. My future son-in-law.“ My mom smiled before pulling Noah into a hug. He smiled and hugged her back. “Welcome to our home.“ She said once they pulled apart from each other.

“Thank you for having me, Mr. and Mrs. (Y/L/N).“ Noah smiled at my parents.

“No, sir. It’s Bill and Sandy.“ My dad said, wrapping his arm around my mother’s waist.

“Bill and Sandy. Okay.“

My mom looked at us, “Okay, let’s get you guys settled in. (Y/N), you know the way. You young man just follow her.“ She said as we were going upstairs.

I lead the way to my room where Noah and my parents followed me to.

“Creepy fact number 2: they left my room exactly like this.“ I said, pointing towards my childhood bedroom.

“I think this is awesome. Every time I go home my room is used for different activities. Yoga studio, game room. And the last time I visited it was a room for foster dogs.“

“There’s no reason for us to change it. I mean it’s not our’s to change.“ My mom stated, leaning against the bedroom door.

“They’re probably hoping for me to move back here.“

“Oh honey, what kind of parents would we be if we didn’t?“ Noah smiled at that, looking over to me.

“Alright. You two should probably get some rest. If there’s anything that you need, just let us know.“

Noah nodded, “Thank you Mrs-“ My mom cleared her throat. “I mean Sandy.“

My mom smiled at us before both of them went back to their room next door.

Noah sat down on my bed and looked at me. “Yeah, your parents are pretty awesome. You’re very lucky, (Y/N).“

“Yeah, but you’re still not sleeping here.“ I said and Noah looked at me confused.

“There’s a futon next door with your name written all over it.“ I said, pointing towards the guest room.

“Alright.“ Noah got up from my bed and walked out of the room. I let out a breath before getting ready to go to bed.

****

When I walked downstairs the next morning I heard laughter coming from the kitchen. I went to check out what was going on and saw Noah making breakfast with my parents.

They seemed to have a lot of fun together which I thought was really cute. I also got to see a different side of Noah that I hadn’t seen before. A more funny, sweet kind of side that I really enjoyed being around.

I was just hoping that my parents didn’t get too attached to him though since we weren’t actually getting married.

I smiled at them before we sat down together to have some breakfast. Once we were finished with eating, Noah and I had to head off to the next wedding-related event.

We grabbed our suitcases and walked out the door.

“Alright, so what’s next on the big wedding agenda?“ Noah asked as we walked to my car.

“We’re headed to the beach. Tonight is the Bachelor and Bachelorette Party.“

“You know, I’ve actually never been to one of those,“ Noah mentioned as he put our suitcases in the trunk.

“Oh relax, it’s not gonna be as bad as it is in the movies. You guys are gonna play some video games and eat lots of junk food. There’s probably also gonna be a burping contest and lots of other manly stuff.“ I explained, looking at him.

“All of the things you just mentioned sound awesome to me.“ Noah said before we got into the car.

“Thank you by the way for helping me with my suitcase,“ I said as I pulled out of the parking lot.

Noah smiled at me, “You’re welcome.“

A few minutes later we arrived at the beach where everyone else was already waiting. I parked the car and grabbed our suitcases before we both headed to our cabins.

Once I brought my stuff up to my cabin I went back outside to meet my friends, who were all waiting by a table right next to the beach. Noah was already there, talking to them when I arrived and smiled when he saw me. I smiled back and walked over to him.

“So… he proposed to you at work?“ Ashley asked after a while, looking at us curiously.

“Actually it was more like-“

“It was a whole thing, you know.“ Noah interrupted and I played along.

“yeah and then it was just… wow.“ I added and Noah nodded, “yeah totally. I’m usually not that romantic but I just couldn’t help myself when it comes to her.“ He then wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I looked at him with loving eyes, playing the perfect part.

Ashley and Jane 'awwed’ at that, but Dylan just looked at them confused, “What are you guys awwing about? They didn’t even say anything.“

Ashley rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, “They don’t have to say anything. It's so romantic.“ She said, looking at us.

“What’s so romantic about that?“ Dylan asked before he added, “I’m romantic. I’m very romantic.“

“How are you romantic, babe?“ Ashley asked, raising her brows at him.

“I took you to the pier last week and we got ice cream.“

“Yeah, but Jane went with us.“

“Ashley, you don’t even like all that romantic stuff.“

“Oh yeah? How do you know that?“ She asked, clearly annoyed at Dylan.

“Well to me and it might be sappy, anything can be romantic with the right person. It doesn’t really matter what you do together as long as you’re with the person you can be romantic with.“ Emily chimed in, looking at her fiancé, who smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

“Anything can be romantic?“ Jane asked and Emily nodded, “Yeah, anything. Like making breakfast in the morning together. That can be very romantic.“

“Yeah. Noah makes great omelets.“ I commented, thinking back to earlier this morning when he and my dad made omelets together. Noah smiled and blushed a little.

A tall, brunette, beautiful but slightly older woman walked in and looked over to us. “Uhh, guys. I’d like you to meet my publicist Susanne. She’s just coming by to make sure everything’s good, you know?“ He said, introducing us to her.

“Hey, guys. Look at you… all so cute and American.“ Susanne said, looking at everyone.

Noah looked at me, putting his hand on my back. “And this is my fiancé (Y/N).“ He introduced me to her.

Susanne stared at me for a second before reaching out to shake my hand. I took it, feeling a little bit of tension coming from her. She was probably the one Noah was dating in real life which I assumed because of the way she was looking at him while looking at me with jealous eyes.

“Hey, (Y/N). It’s so nice to finally meet you. Noah has said so many good things about you.“ She smiled while she kept shaking my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Susanne.“ I said, looking back at her. She was still shaking my hand which just felt weird at this point and luckily Noah seemed to sense how uncomfortable I felt and stopped us by putting his hand on Susanne’s arm.

“Okay, that’s enough. You guys are officially shaken.“ He said and I gave him a thankful smile.

Susanne looked at me one more time before turning around, “I’m gonna dip my toes in the pool. Anyone care to join me?“ She asked, looking at the boys who were there for the Bachelor party.

They nodded and the three of them disappeared towards the pool. Once Susanne was gone, everyone let out a breath.

“Was that the stripper for the bachelor party?“ Ashley joked.

“She can join us at the bachelorette party tonight if she wants.“ Emily said, looking at me and Noah, who instantly shook his head at that, “No… no it’s okay.“

“I’d love to!“ Susanne interrupted, causing all of us to look at her.

“Okay, good.“ Emily said, trying to cool the atmosphere which didn’t really seem to work though.

I could tell how tense Noah was and wrapped my arm around him. “Hey, you okay?“ I asked but he just smiled at me. “Yeah, sure. Everything’s great.“ I know he wasn’t being honest with me but decided to just drop it and smiled back at him instead.

****

It was a few hours later and Emily’s bachelorette party was still going. We were headed towards the pool, trying cool off a little bit.

Emily and Susanne were getting along pretty well and were walking together, while Jane and Ashley were with me.

“Have you ever met that publicist before?“ Ashley asked when we arrived at the pool.

I shook my head, “No, not before today. She’s very big in the business though.“

“She was getting really flirty with your fiancé at the beach this afternoon.“ Ashley commented and Jane nodded, “yeah and she’s like super gorgeous.“

“And she’s flirty. Very flirty.“ Ashley said again but I just brushed it off. “Relax, you guys. She’s married to this handsome big-time agent in L.A. Besides, she’s not the first girl to flirt  with Noah. Girls flirt with him all the time, you two included.“ I said, looking back at my friends. “I’m not worried about it. I trust Noah.“

“Or maybe you’re just a very good actress.“ Ashley stated, looking at me.

“He’s dated a lot of girls, (Y/N).“ Jane added.

“Yeah, I know. But he never makes me feel insecure so I’m not worried about it.“ I told her, which was the truth. I never did feel insecure around him even though I had a lot of reasons to be. Sure, he’s been an asshole to me when we first met, but he wasn’t like that to me anymore.

“Wow. A lot has changed since high school, huh?“ Ashley stated.

I looked at her confused, “What are you talking about?“

“I don’t know. You just used to be very insecure.“

“No, I’m not. Wasn’t. I wasn’t.“ I defended myself.

“Come on, (Y/N/N). You were super insecure. You never went out with anybody. You buried yourself in like-“

“The glee club, jazz choir. You did everything.“ Jane interrupted, looking back at me as well.

“I went out with Dylan all the time!“

“Yeah, but you used him to feel better about yourself.“

I gasped, “Yeah? Is that what you’re doing with him now?“

“Don’t try to turn this around on me. Dylan and I are doing just fine. I just worry about you, (Y/N).“

“What is that supposed to mean?“ I asked, looking at her with questioning eyes.

“Oh come on. He’s Noah Centineo. And you’re… you.“

“Can’t imagine why I’m insecure when I’ve got friends like you.“

“I’m not trying to pick a fight here, I’m just saying. He’s really good looking and I’d understand if you felt insecure. I just don’t want you to sabotage anything.“

Wow, so that’s how lowly my friends thought of me. I actually thought things had changed since high school, but they clearly hadn’t. At least not when it came to them.

“You’re wrong,“ I said and Ashley gave me a questioning look. “About you and Noah?“

“No, about how things have changed. You’re still playing games. Stupid little high school games.“ I told her before walking away from them.

I walked off and took a little breather when I saw Noah heading towards the bar. I decided to join him and walked over to him.

“Hey. What are you doing here?“ I asked before taking a seat next to him.

“Hey. I just needed to get away for a while. It started to get a little crazy with the guys. How about you? What are you doing here? You’re the maid of honor. Shouldn’t you be… I don’t know, leading the party or something?“ He asked, looking back at me.

“Yeah, apparently that honor has been crowned to your publicist Susanne. She sure knows how to have a good time.“

Noah laughed before taking a sip out of the wine he was holding in his hands.

“She’s the one you’re seeing, right?“ I questioned and Noah sighed, “Yeah. Are you mad?“

“I’m not.“  

“You seem mad, though.“

“I’m not mad at you, Noah. I’m mad at my friends. They got to me tonight. It’s like high school drama all over again. Ashley made me feel bad about myself just like she used to back in school.“ I explained, immediately feeling angry again.

Noah noticed how tense I was and handed me the bottle of wine he was holding, which I gladly took.

“Thanks.“ I said before taking a big sip out of it.

“She’s probably jealous,“ Noah commented. I put the bottle down and looked back at him.

“Wow, you have an ego, Centineo.“

Noah laughed at that, “I didn’t mean about me. I meant about Dylan. I see the way he looks at you.“

“You picked up on that?“ I asked, a little surprised.

“I’m not quite as self-involved as you might think. I am capable of observing too.“ Noah said, looking at me.

“Yeah… we used to be close and then we weren’t. I don’t know it just ended. I was young and stupid. He… told me he loved me and I freaked out.“ I explained to him.

Noah nodded, “Yeah. That happens sometimes.“

“Things just got kind of weird since he started dating her.“

Noah leaned against the bar counter, crossing his arms. “Do you think he’s just with her because he can’t be with you?“

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know. I hope not.“  

“Do you think people always find their perfect match? Their so-called 'other half’?“ He suddenly asked, his voice changing a little.

“I mean…my mom and dad did.“

Noah sighed a little, “Yeah, they did give you pretty high standards, didn’t they? I don’t think it was as easy for them as you think, though. They worked pretty hard for what they have. Like all relationships do. I wish my parents would have worked harder sometimes. Maybe things would be different then.“ He said before taking another sip out the bottle.

I looked at him not really sure what to say. He certainly wasn’t the kind of person I first thought he was. He acted like a picture perfect Hollywood star that had everything anyone would ever want, but I could tell that he wasn’t really happy. It bothered him that he and his parents weren’t close and that he never really tried to work things out with them. I think the reason why he dated and hooked up with a ton of girls was because he liked the attention he was getting from them, which was something he never really got from his parents. He probably just felt insecure about himself and wanted to be with someone who didn’t make him feel that way.

“But I guess what really matters is how do you feel about him?“ He asked, looking back at me.

“I don’t know. I mean I did have feelings for him but I was… insecure and not mature enough or maybe just not ready. I don’t really know, probably all three of them.“ I said, laughing a little.

“and what about now?“

“I don’t know, it’s different. He’s different. Not like it used to be.“

“That’s because you broke his heart. You’re a heartbreaker.“

“I’m a heartbreaker? What about you? Haven’t you broken plenty of hearts already?

“Probably not as many as you’d think. I had my heart broken though and I can tell you that it changes you. Which is probably why Dylan is acting the way he is in front of you.“

I laughed a little, “Seems like you’re quite the expert, Centineo.“

Noah smiled, “Just speaking from my own experience.“ He stated before taking another sip.

“You know… I gotta admit. This is not quite as bad as I thought it was gonna be. It’s actually been kind of fun.“ He admitted and I nodded, “Yeah, it’s definitely gone better than I expected.“ I paused and looked over to him.

“You too, for the record. I’m sorry if I gave you a hard time before.“

“Yeah… I wasn’t exactly a gentlemen around you either.“ He responded, smiling at me. I smiled back at him, our eyes meeting. My heart jumped a little as I stared into his hazel brown eyes and I immediately looked away from him.

You can’t (Y/N), you know you can’t. He’s your fake fiancé, remember? Things can’t get real between you two. Besides he’s with someone else, so don’t even try to get too attached to him. I tell myself, knowing it was the truth.

“So… you think the party’s still going on?“ Noah asked, changing the topic.

I nodded, “Yeah, I should probably go and check on Emily. She never stays up past midnight and she’s probably passed out on the couch, especially after all that wine we had.“

“Alright.“ Noah said, getting up from the stool. I followed his movement before walking over to the entrance of the building.

“Okay, so what time are we supposed to leave tomorrow?“ Noah asked once we arrived at the entrance.

“I think at like 10? The wedding starts at five so.“

“Alright.“

He stared at me for a moment and smiled, “Thank you for a nice time. I had a lot of fun tonight.“

“Yeah, so did I. Thank you too.“ I answered, smiling back at him.

We stared at each other for a while and I could tell that he wanted to make a move on me. It wasn’t like I didn’t want him to, because I did. There was an unspoken connection between the two of us that was really intriguing to me, but I knew it couldn’t happen though. Because of that I turned around and walked away from him without saying another word. I felt his burning eyes on me as I walked inside but didn’t turn back around to look at him again.

Instead I headed back inside to check on my best friend Emily, who was fast asleep on the couch, before going back to my cabin to get some sleep for the big wedding day tomorrow.

[tifarobles]

Most Inspirational Characters for My Life

Writing about Disney princesses and video games has made me take a look at what characters (specifically women) are the most inspirational to me personally. This includes not only the primary characters I related to as a child but ones I am glad the next generation has to look up to now. 

Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII): 

There are actually a number of Final Fantasy heroines that influenced me - Rinoa, Daggar (Princess Garnet), Aeris, and Terra to name some of the others - but I feel like it’s obvious who inspired me the most. 

Let’s start from the beginning. You meet Tifa as a hardcore member of the resistance group, AVALANCHE, and the owner of Seventh Heaven bar in the slums of Midgar. She clearly has her life figured out as an independent woman with strong convictions. Tifa is from the small town of Nibelheim and is seen as wearing a cowgirl hat in flashbacks. She moved to the big city with honorable motivations of changing the world for the better. 

She is beautiful and her flirtatious behavior with her childhood friend, Cloud, was relatable to me as a hopeless romantic. They grew up together, but it wasn’t until he was leaving for the war that she started to follow his story and realized that he was more complicated than she’d thought as a child. This is a realistic depiction of young love and wondering “what if” about a developmental time in your life. 

Tifa is compassionate towards others, always willing to put their needs before her own. In flashbacks, you learn that she wasn’t always this selfless, dealing with tragedy in childhood and learning to cope with her own issues before being able to help others. This past strengthens the complexity and empathy of her character. During a crucial thematic section of the game, you play as Tifa and see her be the primary influence in Cloud’s journey of finding himself during an episode of chronic depression. 

Tifa has a reputation on the internet due solely on her looks. To be honest, I appreciated that she wasn’t defined by her looks in the story at all. Yeah, she’s hot, but she is so much more than that. She proves that looks do not define you. She is an incredibly powerful fighter and often the smart and optimistic voice of the group. Throughout the plot of the game, Tifa’s ability to be a good friend and leader comes to the rescue. She was a fantastic friend to Aeris, despite their competing affections for Cloud, and she is the first person Barret trusts to take care of his daughter, Marlene. 

I hoped that I would grow up to be just like her. 

Belle (Beauty & The Beast):

I just wrote about my feelings for Belle as a feminist, but I couldn’t complete this list without her. Belle is an outspoken outcast in a small-minded community, something I can relate to. Often lost in her own imagination, she cares more about reading than socializing and would rather talk to animals than humans. Belle was definitely the smartest Princess for her time. She was also incredibly brave, making decisions for the good of her father and her strong sense of adventure. She wanted more from life and found just that with her own decisions and actions. 

Belle never lets others make her chooses for her and follows her curiosity wherever it takes her, unafraid of the unknown. This is an admirable quality. She is also in touch with her own emotions, crying when she is sad but quickly wiping her tears away to plan her next steps. Belle doesn’t let the Beast’s temper control her and she doesn’t allow Gaston’s forced advances to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. 

For my generation of Princess movies, this was the one that moved me the most and inspired me to be a strong feminist, choosing my own love story and fate. 

Maria Posada (Book of Life):

Maria embodies all of the characteristics I hope to achieve in my own life. 

We first meet Maria as a rebellious young girl who decides to release a pin full of pigs, believing that slaughtering them is wrong. She cares deeply for animals, putting their safety above her expectations as a “lady”. Her father sends her away to boarding school, hoping to crush her tenacious spirit. She leaves her childhood friends behind, giving Manolo the advice to always play from his heart. This is a motto we should all consider more in our lives. 

Returning from school years later, it’s obvious that her schooling only blossomed her rejection of society’s expected role for her. She has a reputation for reading books for fun (gasp!) and displays her intelligence in many ways. Watching Manolo in his first bullfight, she is the only audience member to applaud when he proclaims that killing the bull is wrong. It was clear to me that she was falling for this sensitive musician. 

Standing up to her father, Manolo, and Jauquin, Maria continuously shows that she doesn’t need a man in order to be fulfilled in her life, making Manolo take time and effort to win her affection. She calls out sexism whenever she sees it and ensures to explain it in ways that they will understand. When the boys fight over her, she fights for herself, winning the battle with her own sword fighting techniques. She calls them out for their childish behaviors, refusing Jauquin’s engagement and Manolo’s attempt to kiss her. Her father’s attempts at arranging her marriage only work when her true love is thought to be dead and the town’s safety is at risk, and even then she isn’t happy about the situation. 

In the end, Maria helps to save the town, inspiring them to fight back against the villain. Luckily, once the town is rescued she gets to marry for love.

Harley Quinn: 

Harley Quinn is a complicated, important character. Her story explores the depths of abusive relationships, mental health issues, bisexuality, and overcoming a troubled past to live for oneself. 

Being a professional psychiatrist, she is obviously intelligent and obsessed with the complexities of mental health. It’s no wonder that someone as deeply manipulative as the Joker was able to take advantage of her interest in this area. Their relationship is a very real depiction of abusive relationships, with the power struggle, controlling nature of the relationship, constant attempts to tear her down with insults and win her back with grand gestures., The Joker perpetually tries to tell Harley that she is nothing without him and even attempts to kill her to show his dominance over her and display a lack of a need for her in his life. She proves him wrong, saving him many times and eventually becoming an anti-hero on her own, free from his control. This is a powerful representation for a real issue for women in our society and an inspiration for breaking out of bad habits for a better self and life. 

Joining the Gotham Girls, Harley oozes of woman empowerment. The friendship and the love interest between Ivy and Harley is a relationship worth exploring deeper. Yay for bisexual representation! 

Harley was originally a very modestly dressed character in her first appearance (in a children’s show, I’d like to point out). I have very mixed feelings about her becoming a sex symbol over the years. I feel like there are many depictions that took this too far, focusing more on her appearance as a source of sex appeal instead of using her appearance to bolster her inner strength.

I totally understand why there was an explosion of Harley Quinn cosplayers and fanart during this movement of a more inclusive industry. 

Rey (Star Wars):

Rey is the sci-fi hero that young girls have needed for generations. Rey consistently fights for what she feels is right, following her instincts regardless of how terrifying they might be. She works hard to channel the force and proves to be very powerful. 

Living independently and always making decisions for herself, Rey proves that women can lead without the aid of men, but she gladly helps anyone in need (men, droids, or Wookiee) while on her own path. She is skilled at fixing and piloting ships and I get the feeling she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. Rey’s empathy is so strong, that she does all she can to try to help her own nemesis. This empathy is a powerful trait that I wish we all had more of and seeing that on the big screen is important. 

Rey made me care more about the Star Wars universe because I could finally see myself in that world. 

What characters influenced your life? What characters do you hope influence the next generation of nerds and geeks? 

[pachathegreat]

Day 4: Halloweentown

Hey guys! Welcome to day 4 of The Shinning. Today we look at the beloved Disney Channel classic, Halloweentown. Released in 1998, starring Debbie Reynolds, Kimberley J. Brown, Joey Zimmerman, Emily Roeske, and Judith Hoag. 

Now I grew up without cable or internet, and didn’t get it in my home till freshman year of high school so I missed out on a lot. I managed to catch some Toonami and early Adult Swim, but missed 90′s Nickelodeon stuff and Disney Channel stuff, so Halloweentown was not a staple of my Halloween growing up as a kid. I was stuck watching whatever scary movie my older brother would rent, and I was really sensitive to horror movies as a kid cause I got it in my head that they were documentaries for some reason.

ANYWAYS 

Halloweentown seems to be a staple for a particular age of people. I could kinda see it, it’s not the most terrible Halloween based kids movie, certainly better than Ernest Scared Stupid in a lot of ways. Let’s get into it!

So the premise is fairly simple, yet a little unique. The movie follows the three Cromwell siblings (which honestly, pretty bad ass magical name, just works y’know?). The oldest is Marnie, middle child Dylan, and youngest Sophie who are banned from celebrating Halloween by their stern, but loving mother, Gwen. Gwen doesn’t want the kids partaking in anything resembling the weird, the strange, or occult, which is a bummer for Marnie cause she’s showing early signs of gothism (it’s a disease where you wear all black and develop a stick up your ass about this whole “being alive” thing). Dylan is a shitty little kiss ass, and Sophie is the sweet one. 

Marnie and her mom argue the merits of celebrating Halloween, with Sophie saying very vague things as to why she won’t let them go out on Halloween, and around now is when you pick up that there’s something up with the whole family, that would probably be a much more simple issue if Sophie sat her kids down and explained what the situation was, and why she doesn’t want her kids to celebrate Halloween, but no, it’s the 90′s and we haven’t found a way around complex situations that could be avoided with simple solutions. 

Sorry, just venting, you watch too many shows on the WB/CW, you notice a pattern (looking at you Arrowverse, and Supernatural...and practically every show on that channel). 

Anyways, through early photoshop comes...DEBBIE REYNOLDS! I know, I was just as surprised as you. First Eartha Kitt then Debbie Reynolds, classic leading ladies popping up where you least suspect them, and y’know what, they do some damn great work in each one. Back to Debbie though, Debbie comes off the bad SFX Magic Bus and heads over, a magic bag in tow to Gwen’s house, and as it turns out she’s Gwen’s mother! We can figure out where this is going, yes? Gwen is a witch too, and her children are also magically inclined, but Gwen refuses to teach them any magic cause her deceased husband was human, and she wants to raise the kids as human.  

No real mention if that’s what dear old dad wanted before he died. No cause is mentioned besides the fact that he was human. 

Debbie Reynolds, who plays Aggie (she wasn’t just being Debbie Reynolds, though it would explain how amazing that family is) has come to ask her daughter for help. Back in her home of Halloweentown, the inhabitants have been acting strange, kinda evil, then disappearing. Gwen wants nothing to do with any magical business, and tells her mom that she’s just being paranoid. What Gwen and Aggie don’t realize is that Marnie has heard all of this, the magic, the snide remarks I made toward the goths, all of it!

Marnie has taken it upon herself to go and help her grandmother, and also learn magic cause apparently this is her last chance to learn it before her powers disappear, I dunno, they got some weird rules in this world. 

So as Marnie is planning on sneaking out, Dylan tags along, despite everything about him indicating he’s not that type of character. So they both sneak onto the magic spooky bus and are transported to the magical realm where monsters, ghosts, witches, and all that live peacefully away from humans. They meet the mayor, who may or may not be a the villain. They get to grandma’s house, and convince her to that they could help, and that Marnie can learn a thing or two.

Also it’s mentioned that time moves differently in Halloweentown, but honestly, it feels like so made up. I know this a movie where we have a skeleton cabby, and a tooth fairy dentist working on a vampire, but seriously, their idea of time is kinda arbitrary compared to our world.  

So as the kids and Aggie are going around the town, we learn and see more of the town, kinda got the vibe that this would’ve been the closet America got to Harry Potter cause we have a hidden magical world, a young hero who learns of their powers before they’re adults, and a bunch of other magical shit going on. Mind you, the first Harry Potter book was released in the States about a whole month before this was aired. What’s the point I’m trying to make? None, just kinda interesting y’know. 

While this is going on, Gwen has figured out the kids have snuck out, and heads to Halloweentown to get the kids. Once she gets there, we see that her and the mayor had a bit of thing before she met her kids’ dad. She tries to get them back, but can’t get a bus back so quickly. This leads some time for Marnie and her mom to argue about why her mom would keep this part of culture away from her and her siblings, and that they had a right to know. Gwen responds with pretty much the same reasoning she gave Aggie. To be honest I was with Marnie this whole time. As a person who was raised with only one aspect of my cultural background, you don’t feel as a whole of a person as you should. But her would like totally disappear if she didn’t even learn anything so I guess I have it a bit better. 

Honestly Gwen’s reasoning is weak. 

So at this point our villain makes his appearance, making the inhabitants into assholes and then freezing them, getting them ready for something, for some reason. Aggie tries to face him off alone, but Gwen steps in to help, and even takes a shot for her mom. The shot freezes Gwen, and the next one gets Aggie. Before Aggie freezes completely she urges Marnie to finish the spell that could save the town.

This leads to the weakest part of the film. The kids go on hijinks and adventures getting the ingredients for the spell’s recipe. Some of it is okay, most of it is boring. So after the kids get the stuff together, they put it into this talisman. The kids head to the center of town, where our villain reveals himself to the public, and says his plan. Kinda. He wants to make everyone evil and attack the humans for some reason. The motive isn’t really clear. The villain then reveals himself further (don’t worry, this is Disney), to reveal that he was the mayor the whole time! Gasp!

Pretty obvious the whole time. Only made more obvious by each appearance of the guy. Marnie is able to reserve the evil curse and unfreeze everyone. And with the whole family putting energy into it, they murder the mayor in front of the whole town. Yay! Evil is vanquished, death to the bourgeoisie! Yay, he’s vanquished or whatever, the family goes back home, Gwen has decided that she will in fact train her kids in magic, with grandma Aggie coming around more often to help out and assist. 

So some things off the bat, I may sound like I’m shitting on this, but I actually enjoyed it. The cast is nice as a whole and isn’t reliant on just one actor like Ernest Scared Stupid was with Jim Varney. Well maybe except for Dylan he played the typical 90′s nerd and wasn’t that likable. I blame the 90′s for that, not the actor, kid was just trying to make a buck. 

Debbie Reynolds was a such a sweet lady and knows when to hold back, and when to chew scenery. When she has that stand off with the villain, you can hear her voice is taking a more dramatic tone and how she acts in that scene has some nice subtlety. Her talent is missed. 

The music in this is just very 90′s. A lot of xylophone’s and “spooky” music. Also random crows throughout the movie. The story has a little more than what I would think for a Disney Channel movie. LIke to hide that big of a secret was interesting to see, it’s just a shame that it didn’t pay off in the end. Like there should’ve been real consequences to Marnie finding out she was a witch or a believable reason for Gwen to keep this from her kids. The mayor’s motive was pretty much “ah fuck it, let’s be evil you guys!” and that weakened the movie to me. Either than that the dialogue is a lot better written for the kids than it was for Ernest and it can be funny. Sometimes it isn’t, but it has it’s moments. 

Also there was a PENTAGRAM shown and called as such on DISNEY Channel. Listen I’m amazed that Gravity Falls got away with the pseudo-occult stuff it did, this one straight out put a pentagram in the movie, and it’s an accessory that Marnie wears throughout the film. 

The makeup in this is really cool. It’s practical look for the wear, but it makes them to be a believable living being in this world. Some seem to have really big round chins. Don’t know if that was the actors or the make up. Just something I noticed watching this. 

I can see why this would be a staple for kids growing up. It has definite charm to it, and it’s not dripping in that 90′s cheesiness that Ernest had. Of the two live action films I’ve covered this week, this is the better one, and I wouldn’t mind watching it again. Kinda want to see the other ones now too.

Okay guys, that’ll be a wrap on Halloweentown. Next week it’s one I have seen before and I know that I actually like this one! 

Hocus Pocus is tomorrow! 

[csprousedaily]

COLE SPROUSE | THE LAST MAGAZINE (30/1/2017).

 When Riverdale, Greg Berlanti’s dark, contemporary take on the Archie comics, premiered on the CW last week, it marked the return of the actor Cole Sprouse to television in a project worlds away from the one that first brought him to prominence as a teenager. Sprouse and his twin brother Dylan are still best known for playing the titular brothers on Disney Channel’s The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and its follow-up The Suite Life on Deck, which took place, respectively, in a hotel and on a cruise ship and made the Sprouses the most famous television twins since Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Broadly humorous, loudly acted, and, as Sprouse politely puts it, “boisterous,” the shows fit neatly in the Disney stable alongside Hannah Montana, which starred a young Miley Cyrus, and Wizards of Waverly Place, which introduced Selena Gomez to the world. And just as Cyrus and Gomez have successfully managed to move beyond their child-actor days and reinvent themselves in recent years as international pop stars, Sprouse sees Riverdale as a chance to prove that his Disney phase is behind him. “I think while it’s easy to group us all into a similar category, all of our paths have remained unique,” he explains. “We end up having to show the same maturation, just in different ways. We’re consistently trying to prove our humanity to a group of people that has a really hard time believing it.”

Born in Italy, the Sprouse twins began acting as babies to help their mother pay the bills. They appeared in films like Big Daddy with Adam Sandler and as Ross’s son on Friends, and were tapped by Disney in 2005 to headline The Suite Life, which would go on to run for four years before spinning off as The Suite Life on Deck. “The show gave me a profound work ethic,” Sprouse says. “I never missed a day of work in the eight years I was there, and it really taught me to push myself and drive myself. But the danger of being on a show like that for eight years is that you lose purpose. Continuing the show is oftentimes the most dangerous thing to do as an actor because purpose is the currency for quality work as an actor.”

Besides the increasing monotony of playing Cody, Sprouse now says that he is still trying to sort out what being so closely linked to a fictional persona throughout his teenage years has meant for his personal development. “When you’re a child and you’re growing up and you’re mimicking a certain character or you’re trying to live and breathe a certain character on set for eight years that are also your formative years, you oftentimes take a lot of who you’re playing into your real life and kind of become that thing,” he explains. “You end up having to figure out where you separate from the thing you’ve played for eight years when you leave it.”

Sprouse, now twenty-four, says that the unique strictures and tone of the Disney studio also may have served to sharpen some of the developmental struggles its actors had to endure, due to the contrast between the roles they were playing onscreen and the people they were still in the process of become themselves. “Disney acting as a style is very large. It’s designed to capture the attention of children, so it often comes off as immature and youthful,” he says. “That gets complicated when you’re starting to develop personally and sexually through puberty and you’re starting to have these opposing ideas of yourself as a young person. Oftentimes that leads to some form of cognitive dissonance where you are being sold as something you truly don’t identify with and you have this rebellion that takes place.”

Having successfully made the transition from child star to grown-up actor without scandal, Sprouse is nonetheless quick to come to the defense of his peers who have had rockier paths, heightened by the intense scrutiny of the public eye. “It’s one of those things that gets written off as humorous when you watch a child entertainer try to redefine themselves, but it can be an intense identity crisis,” he says. “I think in our modern society we have a much greater understanding of the importance of personal identity and how we see ourselves and I’m hoping that over time people latch onto the fact that this hurts people and they have a little more respect for something like that.”

In lieu of “We Can’t Stop” or Spring Breakers, Sprouse turned to school. After taking a year off after The Suite Life, he enrolled at NYU at nineteen and eventually decided to major in archeology. Fascinated by the earth sciences since childhood thanks to a geologist grandfather, Sprouse jokes that he wanted to live out “tales of adventure,” which he was able to do after he was accepted into an exclusive program to work on an excavation site in France. He moved decisively away from acting during his four years as an undergraduate, and admits that he very seriously considered the possibility of never coming back. “When we were younger, it was a business choice for us and I realized that I couldn’t live like that anymore and there was no fulfillment in that sort of acting,” he explains. “I needed to take a break and reassess, and I did. My brother and I had sort of reached a plateau and there was nothing we could really do there so we chose to go into education and embrace an interdisciplinary world of knowledge.”

Faced with the choice between (expensive) graduate school and (relatively lucrative) television work, Sprouse says he decided last year to take a shot at pilot week, the annual busy period when studios and networks cast many of the new television shows they want to try out. “I was planning on continuing with archaeology, but when I auditioned and I got the part and we did that pilot, I had a lot of fun,” he recalls. “I didn’t really think of it, but it felt fulfilling again, which is really the only thing you should honestly pursue in art. And as long as it feels fulfilling, I’ll continue.”

Having just come off a Twilight Zone binge, Sprouse says he was immediately attracted to the role of Jughead, Archie’s best friend who also takes on a voiceover role in Riverdale that is reminiscent of Rod Serling’s narration for his influential television series. Full of sex, scandal, and the sort of heightened drama common to most shows about teenagers, Riverdale will come as a surprise to most people who know Archie only as a cheerful, lighthearted slice of midcentury small-town American life. The series opens with a death, Archie sleeps with his music teacher, and Veronica comes to town disgraced after her family loses all its wealth when her father is jailed for financial misdeeds. There are notes of Twin Peaks—although Sprouse is loathe to compare anything to David Lynch—and Brick, the 2006 Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie which took a film noir sensibility to high school life.

 Sprouse himself admits to having been put off by the initial descriptions of the show, but says that further reading helped him understand that Riverdale fits easily into the world of Archie, as the new leadership at Archie Comics has pushed in new and surprising directions to make the brand relevant again today. “When I first heard the abstract, it kind of put a sour taste in my mouth,” he says. “I come from a comic background—I worked at a comic shop—and when you hear about a dark and gritty take on an otherwise beloved franchise, that’s all the wrong buzzwords for the right project. Nothing really dubious happens in the original Archie Digests, but as I started to do more research, I realized the universe of Archie is really wide open. The Punisher comes to Archie, Archie dies when he gets shot trying to protect his friend, and in the new comics, zombies come to Archie. So it seemed like the road had been paved for a while for something like this. My knowledge now is that the Archie universe is wide enough for something like this to take place.”

In refashioning an idyllic American icon for a confusing and complicated new world, Riverdale is also, Sprouse contends, a tacit reflection of today’s political climate. “We live in a society right now that’s obsessed with this golden-age America mentality,” he explains. “Trump’s whole campaign was built around ‘Make America Great Again,’ which essentially is a play towards the same era that Archie arose out of that is this golden, perfect world. I don’t mind how we may be tampering with this idea of a golden age because of my personal political stance. I don’t think that ‘everything is perfect and jolly’ is a perspective that makes any sense. Our society is either primed perfectly for a more contemporary view of this classic American property or they’re going to rebel against it. It’s the same political division within our society right now.”

Currently based in Vancouver shooting Riverdale, Sprouse is also continuing to pursue a photography career on the side. He’s been commissioned by Condé Nast Traveler and shot a story for Teen Vogue earlier this month, and says that what began as a hobby has quickly turned into a passionate vocation. He finds that the travel photography, especially, has been helpful in shaping his perspective. “Travel photography is difficult in that you’re very reliant upon the place you’re going to be a sort of beautiful that can sell,” he explains. “You end up having to be really critical and quite aware at all points of your environment. It’s a very different way of looking at the world, but you end up internalizing a lot of that way of seeing. Most of us were quite nomadic through human history, and I think that part of us still very much exists in a yearning for adventure and worldliness. What travel photography is aiming to do is to inspire a love of something different than yourself.”

And though they require work on different sides of the camera, what connects Sprouse’s acting and his photography is that he plans to continue both as long as they remain “fulfilling.” With over two decades of experience under his belt, he knows what he wants and he knows when it’s time to move on. “Riverdale is a much more human project than the last one and I realize now that though I’ve had enough time to step away and to take a breather, my main challenge if I’m going to continue acting is to discern the things that were valuable about my childhood and the skills I acquired as a child and the things to keep and the things to let go,” he says. “It’s more real, and I don’t think just because it’s on the forefront of pop culture that it should be treated any less than something very ‘noble.’ I’m going to try and do that and see how it ends up.”

[wellimhavinga3outof10day]

Lost Lullabies - Chapter Eighteen

Description: Mickey Milkovich, former child star turned action movie star, runs into his old co-star, Ian Gallagher, out on the street in the middle of a winter night. When Mickey takes him in, he doesn’t realize that Ian has the power to completely turn his new life upside down.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

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Ian jumped back as Mickey threw his phone at a wall. “Whoa,” he said. He fought the urge to raise his hands in surrender, his heart suddenly beating fast. But he’d dealt with mad men before. He’d dealt with men much worse than Mickey when they were mad. Taking a deep breath, Ian said, “Mick? What happened?”

           Mickey shook his head and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. A sound like a smothered laugh escaped him. “Fuck. Fuck, Ian. Just... fuck.”

           “What did Liz say?”

           Mickey sniffed. He raised his eyes to meet Ian’s and Ian felt his blood run cold. If the director could see the way Mickey was looking at him now, he wouldn’t have to yell at them for looking in love. He’d have to yell at them because Mickey looked like he was going to kill him. Mickey shook his head, said nothing.

           Ian swallowed hard. “Does someone know?” It was the worst thing he could think of, the only thing that would make Mickey this upset, this fast. “It doesn’t matter. They’re just rumours. You’ve squashed worse.”

           “It’s not just rumours.” Mickey chewed on his lip. “They have pictures.”

           “From where?”

           “Outside the bar. The fucking stupid mistletoe.”

           Mickey’s phone started to buzz from its place on the floor. His glare was downright murderous.

           “Does it really...” Ian took a deep breath. He wanted to rewind the day until they were back in bed and just stay there under the covers where it felt like the world was so far away. There he didn’t have to think about how deep in the closet Mickey was or how far away they were from being a real couple. From Christmas Eve until yesterday, things had been perfect. Ian wished he could blow that bubble around them again. “Does it really matter?”

           Mickey’s glare moved targets. “Does it really matter? Are you fucking kidding me, Ian?”

           “No one cares anymore, Mick. We’re not children on the Disney channel anymore. We’re adults.” Ian fought to keep his voice steady, strong. It was hard when Mickey was looking at him like he’d suddenly grown a second head. “Hollywood isn’t the same homophobic place it was a decade ago. Being gay isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, it’s fucking fashionable at this point.”

           “It’s not who I am, Ian.”

           “It is who you are! You’re gay, Mickey. You’re gay.”

           “I know I’m fucking gay, you stupid shit.” Mickey sighed and started to pace. “I’m saying the person you’re talking about, the fashionable gay star on the red carpet, that’s not me, Ian. That’s not my image. That’s not what I do for a living.”

           Ian opened his mouth to respond, then had to admit, “I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

           “Gay actors, Ian. That’s what I’m talking about. Gay actors get the shitty sitcom roles and the side roles in rom-coms and the one or two that are really good and shut their mouths about their sexualities? They manage parts on crappy teen dramas.” Mickey shrugged. “That’s not the kind of acting I do. I’m an action star. People pay to see me shoot guns and fuck women. They don’t wanna watch that shit knowing I’m picturing your pasty white ass instead of some chick’s vagina.”

           “Change your image, then.”

           “I don’t want to.”

           “Why not? You fucking hate your job, Mickey. You hate being an actor, you told me yourself. So what does it matter if you’re getting paid to shoot a machine gun on a movie screen or kiss a couple guys in a shitty sitcom? It’s still money.”

           Mickey shook his head, eyes crinkled in surprise and disgust. “I don’t want to kiss other guys, Ian. I want to kiss you.”

           Ian sighed and crossed his arms. “Just not on a magazine cover?”

           Mickey licked his lips. “I don’t think you understand how much of my career is built on reputation. I get roles because casting directors think I’m still some Southside trash bully who’ll be convincing on screen as a gangster. If I come out, if people see these pictures... no one’s gonna believe that coming from me. No one’s gonna think I’m tough or badass or can kill a guy with a bottle opener.”

           “You can kill a guy with a bottle opener.”

           “Not the point.”

           Ian settled back against the wall, his eyes following Mickey as he walked the length of the room again and again. He knew their five minutes were up. Any second now some poor PA would knock on the door and get the full force of Mickey’s wrath.

           “I don’t know what any of that has to do with being gay,” Ian said. “Gay men aren’t automatically weaker.”

           “They are in Hollywood.”

           “But that’s such bullshit! Don’t you want to change the scene? Don’t you want to show them your sexuality doesn’t define who you are?”

           “You think I’ll have a chance?” Mickey laughed, short and bitter. “The change will be overnight, Ian. The pictures will hit and suddenly all of the movie roles I’ve been offered will be pulled. The next set of scripts I’ll get will be for sitcoms and rom-coms. Interviewers will start to ask me about my opinion on gay rights and the LGBT community and what the fuck am I supposed to say? I don’t know anything. And when that becomes painfully clear, when people know for sure that I don’t have the righteous anger it takes to be a gay icon, I’ll be wiped right off the fucking slate. No more acting, no more money. I’ll be type cast into oblivion.”

           “You don’t even like acting.”

           “It pays the fucking bills.”

           “And how much money do you have hidden away, Mick? How much have you been saving? Because you’re not exactly living in a fucking mansion with gold-plated teeth.” Ian tried to catch Mickey’s eye but failed. “Are you telling me you can’t live the rest of your life on what you’ve already made? Or maybe, what you’ve already made and some slightly shittier job that you might actually like?”

           “And what? Be the mechanic everyone knows as that washed up movie star? The gay guy who couldn’t handle the spotlight and ran?” Mickey spat on the floor. His phone buzzed again. “No. I may not like acting but I like the movies I’m in. I like my life, Ian. And I’m sorry, but I’m not throwing it all away for you.”

           “I wouldn’t ask you to.” Ian forced out the words even though he felt like his heart had just shattered in his chest. He forced himself to breathe, steady himself. Right here and right now wasn’t about him. “Not for me. But for you.”

           “The fuck does that mean?”

           A knock came on the door followed by a small voice. “Excuse me? The director wants you back on set.”

           “Tell him to fuck himself in the ass,” Mickey snapped.

           Ian sighed and turned to the door. He opened it only enough to poke his head out and meet the eyes of the terrified girl on the other side. “We’re kind of in the middle of something. Maybe ask him if he can start in on the Christie/Tabitha scene?”

           She nodded and backed away quick, still terrified.

           Ian closed the door but didn’t turn back to Mickey.

           “What’d you mean when you said you’d ask me to do it for me?”

           Ian turned and met Mickey’s eyes. He shrugged. “You’ve been in the closet your whole life, Mick. Ever since you were a kid, you’ve been fucking terrified to tell anyone. You’ve been terrified to let yourself feel what you feel, to love who you want to love. You can’t tell me that hasn’t taken a toll on you. You can’t tell me that’s fun for you.”

           “It’s liveable.”

           “But that’s not really living, is it?”

           Mickey stared at him for a moment and then cursed. He flopped back onto the couch and let his head hit the wall. “I can’t do this, Ian. I just... I’m not ready. I might not ever be ready.”

           “Right.” Ian bit his lip. “Okay. Then don’t do it.”

           Mickey laughed. “Wouldn’t that be great? If I could just decide not to like there aren’t pictures coming out tomorrow.”

           “Who cares?”

           “The millions of people who are about to see me with my tongue down your throat, Ian.”

           Ian shook his head and walked over to Mickey. “No. Fuck them. They’re wrong.”

           “There’s picture proof.”

           “Of what? That you kissed me? Who fucking cares?” Ian scoffed. “There was mistletoe for crying out loud. If that’s not an excuse, I don’t know what is.”

           Mickey raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

           “It was late. We were drunk. We stumbled under some mistletoe and you thought, fuck it. It’s tradition, isn’t it? And I’m your best friend. Should you really not kiss me just because I’m a man? What kind of fucking homophobic world do we live in where two guys can’t even kiss as a goddamn joke without people jumping down their throats?”

           “Everyone knows you’re gay.”

           “Which is why you went for it. You knew I wouldn’t mind. In fact, I’d probably enjoy it. Are you not allowed to kiss your friend platonically just because he’s gay? It was a joke, Mick. Just a joke. Maybe you went a little too far, maybe you forgot you’re a celebrity and you can’t just go around kissing people, but...” Ian shrugged. “We were drunk. There was mistletoe. Frankly, you’re disgusted that people just jump to conclusions about your sexuality because you’re comfortable kissing guys. You’re a good ally. That’s it.”

           Mickey stared at him for a long moment. “You’d be okay with that?”

           “It’s not about me.”

           “Because you don’t sound okay with it,” Mickey continued like he hadn’t even said anything. “You sound pissed as all fucking hell.”

           Ian took a deep breath, shrugged. He sat down on the couch beside Mickey and offered his hand. Mickey linked their fingers together and squeezed. Ian said, “Am I happy that my boyfriend wants to keep me a secret? No, not really. Do I understand? I’m trying to. But Mick, bottom line is, if you don’t want to come out, you don’t fucking have to. You don’t owe these people anything and they don’t get to decide when you make major life decisions. So, if it helps, say that it was a joke between friends. I’ll back you up.”

           Mickey leaned in to peck his lips. “Thank you.”

           Ian squeezed his hand tight. “We should get back to set.”

           Mickey shook his head. “We have a while.” He kissed Ian again, harder and longer. “Let me show you how much I fucking love you.”

           Ian laughed and leaned in to the kiss. “I love you too.” Then he pulled back. “But we’re going to get caught in here. And that’s not gonna help anyone.”

           Mickey nodded. “Okay. Let me run your idea by Liz and I’ll meet you out there?”

           Ian agreed and left the dressing room. After he closed the door, he leaned up against it and forced himself to breathe. He knew he’d done the right thing. He’d offered Mickey the only out he had and Mickey had taken it. Ian really hadn’t thought that Mickey would take it.

           He forced himself to go about the rest of the day as if nothing was wrong, as if everything was exactly as it should be. Like the director was full of shit and there wasn’t a picture of them kissing coming out on the front page of every magazine tomorrow. The thought made Ian’s stomach turn. The last time he’d been on a magazine cover, he’d been lying halfway out of a limo, vomit trickling down his shirt, an insane smile on his lips. There’d been a guy in the limo holding his legs to stop him from cracking his skull on the pavement. No matter how long Ian had looked at that picture for, he couldn’t remember the guy’s name or even having seen his face before. He still remembered the headline: CHILD STAR CRACKS. It hadn’t been the first bad picture by far but it was the last. The one they’d taken before finally giving up on him.

<<Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen>>

[geneticandunattainable]

I hope the next ten songs help to ensure the diversity of this year’s list, but lord knows there’s even more to come.  This chunk is home to indie folk, hip hop/R&B, Icelandic rock (with a distinctly American sound), and several electro-pop tracks.  I hope the 20 tracks you’ve seen at this point continue to confound and delight, with plenty of new songs you’ve never had the opportunity to hear.

40. Honeysuckle – “It’s Getting Late”

Boston produces yet another independent folk group – this one a trio, with outstanding three-part harmonies to boot. Comprised of Holly McGarry, Benjamin Burns, and Chris Bloniarz, Honeysuckle performed at Newport Folk Festival in 2015 and continues to tour New England in support of other folk acts.  This track specifically grabs you straight from the start with the warm banjo; the charm offensive continues with multiple instances of highlighting the harmonies, instrumentation, and arrangement, with lyrics focusing on the nature of time and change.   Their profile continues to grow with attention from NPR, among other publications, so keep your ears open for future success. 

39. Tep No – “Me and My Guitar”

Not much is known about producer Tep No besides the fact that he briefly sought an acting career in LA before moving back to his native Canada.  Now based in Toronto, his music typically blends several genres, utilizing electronic sounds with pop sensibilities and fusing melodies with otherworldly synth beats. The vocals on this track are practically spoken word, delivered over a swirling mix of looped chants, samples, and – you guessed it – guitar.  The result is an outstanding choice for any low-key summer mix you have planned for a few months from now.  This song is so great, it wouldn’t be out of place on a new season of The OC; those of you who know me personally realize the weight of that statement. 

38. Hayley Kiyoko – “Gravel to Tempo”

I almost feel embarrassed to love this song as much as I do, and initially placed it higher on the list before finding stronger tracks.  I had never heard of Hayley Kiyoko before this song, but it turns out she has a DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie for those of you past puberty), CSI spin off, and ABC Family Freeform show under her belt already.  The Japanese-American actress and singer dropped this gem in late summer, with slick production that doesn’t feel heavy handed.  The track utilizes more electro-pop sounds with Kiyoko’s breathy vocals to highlight the insecurity everyone feels at different points in their lives.  She channels teenage angst in a way that feels validating; a standout line being “I thought I was depressed/But I think I just needed to cry.”  Regardless of how other people talk about her, Kiyoko is determined to do things her way, sporting a middle finger to the world. Given the grief we all faced in 2016, it was a message that felt particularly appropriate.  

37. Brian Fallon – “Nobody Wins”

The Gaslight Anthem’s lead vocalist decided to work on a solo album during a recent hiatus from the band.  This classic return to American anthems shows his time off was time well spent.  His signature raspy vocals carry a buoyant and bouncing song with a surprisingly dark subject of acceptance after death. The guitar strums and steady backing rhythm sound straight out of a John Cougar Mellencamp album in the 80s, complete with the unexpected lyrical content.  What shouldn’t be surprising after listening to the track is that he recorded it in Nashville with the help of producer Butch Walker, who co-wrote the song and also played guitar for the entire album.  This song is a welcome blast from the past from an artist who hopefully has a bright future.

36. Ben Abraham – “I Belong to You”

"I Belong to You” is a love song for the ages from Melbourne-based singer/songwriter Ben Abraham.  There is something absurdly charming about the fact that his Australian accent is front and center in his singing voice, which CMJ described as “delicate yet booming.”  His parents are Indonesian folk stars, which may have influenced his own style, integrating harmonies and poignant arrangements.  “I Belong to You” is yet another song that makes it difficult to listen along without tapping your foot, incorporating a lilting guitar, a xylophone, and even hand snaps to woo the audience.  It certainly doesn’t hurt that this wonder from Down Under is rakishly handsome.  There’s little not to like here, as this burst of sunshine will leave you smiling all day. 

35. Solange feat. Q-Tip – “Borderline (An Ode to Self-Care)”

A Seat at the Table is an outstanding album from a consistently strong artist who just so happens to be sisters with Beyoncé.  Her song “Losing You” placed fourth on my list for 2012, and while “Borderline” doesn’t quite match that track, it’s still incredible in its own right.  Solange makes allusions to Aaliyah and A Tribe Called Quest, with Q-Tip working multiple levels of production.  The song itself is an interpolation of “Electric Relaxation,” a gem from the group back in 1993.  Aaliyah comes through when Solange references the 2001 hit “More Than a Woman” near the end of the song.  “Borderline,” though, is so much more than its musical references; it’s a track that directly addresses police brutality against black Americans.  The political track reminds its listeners that it’s okay to temporarily ignore the violence in an attempt to stay sane.  As Solange told W magazine, “To be able to get up and tell my child to have a wonderful day and know that he’ll be protected and nurtured and loved and treated like an equal contributor to society, I sometimes have to choose to not look.”

34. Kaleo – “Way Down We Go”

Icelandic rock band Kaleo has been bubbling under since 2012, but finally achieved moderate success with “Way Down We Go” in 2016.   It’s been used on myriad television shows, and most recently popped up in trailers for The Good Fight and Logan.  The four members of the band grew up in Mosfellsbær, near Reykjavík, but are now based in Austin. The blend of blues and rock are a strong production choice, with hard-hitting drums, strong guitars, ubiquitous reverb, and haunting looped vocals all working to make the song one you can’t forget.   The chorus alone will be stuck in your head for days, making this a solid choice for playlists in the year to come.

33. Chance the Rapper – “Blessings”

Chance had a huge year, breaking out into the mainstream to unprecedented success - especially without a label - in no small part due to his legendary verse on Kanye’s “Ultralight Beams.”  It’s fitting then, that the arguable highlight of his Grammy-nominated (and history making) mixtape.  As an avowed atheist, I can contend you don’t need to feel particularly pious to enjoy the conviction of Chance and vocalist Jamila Woods, who has collaborated with him in the past. Pitchfork agreed, noting it as "one of the strongest rap albums released this year, an uplifting mix of spiritual and grounded that even an atheist can catch the Spirit to.”  The keyboard is strong throughout, invoking a soulful church service only augmented by the improvisations from Donnie Trumpet.  The laid-back vibe of the track seems to personify Chance’s illustrious grin, with the end product more a profession of faith than a prayer.

32. The Head and the Heart – “All We Ever Knew”

With every album this sextet releases, one can note an upward trend of rising confidence. The group originally formed in Seattle, but the bulk of this album was written in Los Angeles - Montecito Heights, to be specific.  Previous albums had the group compared to the Avett Brothers and Fleet Foxes, but the production on their third signaled a clear direction change, and Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros wouldn’t be completely off base as a point of reference.  However, this song is in its own world for the band in regards to its success, topping two separate alternative charts on Billboard.  Starting with a simple vocal and piano, the song builds to an explosion of noise within the first fifty seconds.  The consistent build of instrumentation and playful tone are such a joy to hear. They’re truly firing on all cylinders at this point, and I cannot wait to see what they have in store for us next.

31. Banks – “Trainwreck”

Here’s a thought guys – respect the women in your life.  I’d hate to be on the other end of a song like “Trainwreck,” apparently penned as a kiss-off by Banks to “a guy I never wanted to kiss.”  The doom-filled beats and almost trap texture on display here is a newer sound for Banks, who previously appeared on my 2014 list. Taylor Swift doesn’t have shit on her lyrics, though, with lines like “It’s quite depressing, there is no fixing to the problem when you’re talking to an idiot,” and a chorus that simply repeats “I had to get away” over and over again.  The entire aesthetic here is glamour noir, leaning into the darkness without ever sacrificing an ounce of the snarly pop that’s become her signature sound.  “Trainwreck” is a clear standout from the year, and a rare track that would find itself at home on a workout playlist just as easily as a compilation for Halloween.

[uncle-ak]

Uncle, Stop Touching Me!

“Uncle” is an African man with a prominent title that lacks inherent self-respect. “Uncles” are African men that prey on little girls instead of protecting them; they are African men that carry out acts of domestic violence; they are African men that disrespect women without a care. “Uncle”, is an African man that is driven by toxic masculinity; a man that thinks he is entitled to every woman's body. Unfortunately, our African Aunties remain dormant and refuse to speak up about these precarious situations and in turn, they fail to put an end to these toxic behaviors. Instead, the blame is thrusted upon the victims and our African Aunties vehemently defend these African “Uncles”.

Story Story, Story time!! Imagine you come to a Cameroonian wedding and you are dressed to the nines, face beat, hair laid, heels high, dress tight, and your spirit even higher. Then, one “Uncle” tells you to come to the side and says “hello beautiful” “You have grown” “How old are you?” “Are you 21 yet” as he proceeds to rub your shoulder and waist… “Uncle, Stop Touching Me!” All you can do is smile and nod and answer the questions respectfully. His entire reason for pulling you aside is a facade; him wanting you to describe the food items on the table is all a part of an elaborate ploy to put you in an uncomfortable position; a position in which you’re completely cornered and at his mercy. Being the respectful African female child that you are, you answer all his questions while he eats you up and down with his eyes. At this point, your hands are sweaty, you are looking around trying to make eye contact with anyone...anyone that can intervene. He then proceeds to ask you for your number, what to do? What to do? Give him the wrong number. He then says “I will call you” and you smile and nod and release a sigh of relief because you are happy that that extremely uncomfortable interaction is over. All through the night as you try and enjoy the event and dance to some Charlotte Dipanda, the “Uncle” continues to glare and he winks every chance you dare to catch his gaze. 

Story Story, Story time! Imagine pulling out your best country cloth, ironing it, shining your best freakum shoes, putting on your favorite sky illuminating highlighter; imagine looking bold and confident as you enter a Cameroonian country event to celebrate and push the culture forward. You’re enjoying yourself and taking in the festive spirit of the night. You’re eating and drinking when all of a sudden, you find yourself at a table sitting across an African “Uncle” and his wife. For the most part, the conversation revolves around politics and ways in which we can enrich our community in ground zero (your village in Cameroon). Then “Uncle” points out how beautiful and smart you are and instead of leaving it there, he continues to emphasize just how beautiful you are; “My dear, you’re just so beautiful, do you have a boyfriend?” “I know that there are plenty of men lined up for you” “I know your bride price must be high seeing as you are so beautiful and smart” “You know… I can come and pay your bride price” “A beautiful young lady like yourself should not be alone in this world” “Men like myself can really take care of ladies like you” “You would make me a very good wife”... how did the conversation get to this point? Why did “Uncle” think it was alright to harass you and why is his wife sitting there, meekly smiling at her husband’s inappropriate attempt to make you wife number two. How do you exit this conversation, God help! Aunty, why aren’t you intervening in this situation? From then on, things take a turn for the worst because, “Uncle” has now graduated from verbally harassing you and he has now grabbed your waist as he emphasizes his point about you being a potentially good wife number two. Aunty, do you see that your husband has his hands around my waist and he is squeezing me…? “Uncle, Stop Touching Me!” You smile and nod at whatever nonsense is coming out of “Uncles” mouth and pray to God that Aunty steps in but, she never does and the conversation continues. Just when you think things can’t get any more uncomfortable… “Uncle” decides to send you on your way with his proposition in mind of course. You thank your lucky stars and rush off as fast as you can because, after that sickening encounter, you need something to cleanse your spirit. 

Story Story, Story Time! Imagine that you’re ringing in the New Year at your uncle’s house, Cameroonian style. The drinks are flowing, everyone is looking vibrantly beautiful, the food is endless and the enjoyment is bottomless. You’re extremely thankful for the opportunity to ring in the New Year with the family, everyone is expressing their gratitude at being able to see another wonderful year. It is the life of the party and your best friend is at your right hand experiencing all the love and joy with you. The DJ is cutting up and playing all the old school, new school and in-between hits and you’re there taking it all in. Unbeknownst to you, one “Uncle” is at the side eyeing you and just waiting for the opportunity to come and harass you. The DJ drops “Karolina -- Awilo Logomba” and you and your best friend are immediately on your feet because it’s “Karolina” who is immune to Awilo Logomba’s charm? Both of you are there enjoying the song and leaving it all out there on the dance floor when all of a sudden, the “Uncle” that has been eyeing you sees an opportunity to make his move and he takes it. All of a sudden you’re being cornered and this towering figure now has his hands all over your body without your permission -- ah, ah; you try to move and your best friend clocks what is going on and she counteracts the “Uncle’s” moves by pulling you away but that doesn’t stop the “Uncle” because from there, he pulls you from your friend and continues to insist that you must dance with him: “Dance with me na” “Where do you think you’re going?” “Leave your friend, she can entertain herself, you’re dancing with me now” “You’re very beautiful, why is it that I haven’t seen you before?”. Not only does this “Uncle” have his hands all over you without your consent but he is also interrogating you, “Uncle, Stop Touching Me!” You can’t raise an alarm now because, if you were to tell someone that the man is harassing you, people will say “Weren’t you guys just dancing, abeg, leave man.” Some people will even ask what you did to incite that behavior from the “Uncle”. People will purposefully overlook the bad behavior that is being carried out right in front of their faces because after all, they’re just waiting for their own opportunity to assert their power just like that “Uncle”.

Story Story, Story Time!! Imagine you are a vibrant 8 year old child enjoying life, playing games, eating all you can, watching Disney Channel and your favorite television show is “Hey Arthur”. In essence, you’re just living life and caring less about the world. Now, your parents are immigrants and both work as night shift nurses and because of this inconvenience, you and your brother are forced to head downstairs to your uncle’s apartment on the 8th floor and spend the night until your parents return. You are excited because this is one of your favorite Uncles, he buys you things and gives you money, and he is cool about anything and always says “Yes” to you. Which 8 year old doesn’t want to be showered with Candy, Ice-Cream, and toys? You enjoyed sleeping in Uncle’s apartment next to your brother on his couch that serves as a makeshift bed. One night as you get ready to fall asleep Uncle decides to sleep on the floor next to the bed-couch, you ask why and he says “To best watch over you all.” You find it strange that he would leave a whole room with a comfy bed and insist on sleeping on the floor. As the days go by, “Uncle” continues to sleep on the floor and you realize that each night “Uncle” begins to touch you. It starts with a butt rub, then it’s your boobs and then he touches you inside your pants. You’re conscious but you don’t want to move, you’re frozen and unsure of how to act. At times you will shift to move the hand away but, it will still find its way to your private parts. You are scared, you are sweating, you want to cry, you want to scream, your heart is pounding, your body shuts down and you go into protective mode “Uncle Stop Touching Me!” This goes on for two years, until you’re 10 years old, then your parent’s work schedule changes. Unfortunately, this change of schedule does not stop “Uncle” from touching you. “Uncle” continues to come up to your apartment on the twelve floor and ask “Are you parents home?” When you say no, he proceeds to sit on the other side of the living room.; after a moment, he comes up to you and says “Just a minute” and rubs on your butt/boobs as you crunch in a fetal position eyes shut close, counting down the minutes, wishing for it to go away. “Uncle Stop Touching Me!” after he is done, he hands you ten dollars and says “Here this is for you” and he is on his way. There is always some sort of compensation for his actions. This abuse happens on and off until you are 14 years old, a freshman in high school, starting a new life. At this age “Uncle” has finally stopped touching you. He leaves you with anger, hatred, guilt, shame, and the feeling of being alone and unwanted by the rest of the world. His actions made you feel isolated. The only way to combat this isolation is to bury yourself in reading. The thought of telling your African parents scares you, it scares you to the core. Would they believe you, what would they say? This is taboo, this is all your fault.  Seven years of “Uncle” touching you and in turn -- 18 years of silence. Eighteen-years of silence, only one person in your life knows. Eighteen years of suppressing all that has happened to you because it's better to suppress it than to deal with the scars that “Uncle” has thrusted on you. Eighteen years of having dreams and night-mares, sometimes unable to move on because of “Uncle.” Eighteen years of him being in your life and being an instrumental part of your family, respected by others, coming to all your graduations, elementary, high school, and even college. Eighteen years of suppression.  How do you heal? Have you healed? Eighteen years later. Ready to tell, hoping to finally be free.

Unfortunately, in a culture that coddles men and enables them to continue carrying out these bad behaviors, it makes it next to impossible for young girls and women to speak up and share their experiences at the hands of these African “Uncles”. We need to create an environment and safe space for young girls and women to come forth and share their experiences rather than forcing young girls/women to internalize their trauma without any hopes of finding healing.

These stories and so many other stories highlight a toxic pattern of behavior within the African culture. African girls/women are expected to submit to these “Uncles” and respect them when they do not respect our bodies and our autonomy over our bodies. 

In honor of October being “Domestic Violence” month highlighting violence against women, we are letting the world know that just because we have a vagina we should NOT be treated as properties or inanimate objects. Comment below #UncleStopTouchingMe! Story, or join us on twitter by using the hash-tag #UncleStopTouchingMe! So many of our African sisters have suffered in silence and it’s time to shed some light on this issue.