#can we help him somehow please
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yourebeingsilly · 1 year ago
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imagine fantasising about the love of your life while listening to “take me to church” by hozier and then the love of your life in question hits you with “nothing lasts forever” and just leaves after you confess your feelings and just a few weeks later hozier drops an album with a song literally named “all things end”
well that’s more or less what happened to my buddy Crowley— wonder how he’s hanging on there
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moeblob · 2 months ago
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Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."
#my characters#ya know since i draw daily idk if ill do any challenges this month#i know theres a LOT of them out there but i might hold off and do huevember as a challenge and let this month just be chill#for what its worth he only asks for a female body because his baby brother (like 10 years younger than him)#commented ONE TIME ugh its so weird to have you dote on me like this#why couldnt you have been an older sister or look less suspicious#so when sent to help his brother hes like RIGHT GOT IT GIRL TIME LIKE THE MOST LOGIC COURSE OF ACTION#then does a really good job at helping the hero and then gets abducted by the demon army and#as rey keeps challenging the demons checking on him in the dungeon (who are all very kind?) to just interrogate him already#and they just ask why would they do that? they just wanted her outta the way for a bit#cause they dont actually want to hurt anyone and then the demon lord keeps personally visiting rey and continues#to point out how she gives him a headache and how the core is different than the shell#and so then he offers to revert rey back to his original form and reynold immediately accepts#and so now hes just a guy again surrounded by v nice demons#and hes like please just be mean ive been trained to handle violence you have to stop being nice#im not used to nice ok you have to be mean or else im going to develop stockholm syndrome#and the demons are just ?? we dont .... dont know.... what that is.......... what.....#then he gets engaged to the demon lord and all is well ! he becomes the trophy husband to the demon lord#and the world is saved (it was never at risk)#i have a lot of love for the idiots in this plot#because reynold and sascha are literal husbands thinking oh no my beloved husband is only married out of convenience to meeee#and solei is the goddess who recruited him and is so mad that reynold is more of a gremlin than sascha#like why is this mere mortal somehow worse than THE DEMON LORD how in the world#and reynold runs around just adopting all of the demon army and is like yeah#ill be the trophy husband with a hundred kids and a hot 7ft tall demon husband who can change into a huge dragon#and hes really content in this role!#but for a while he does appear as rey and hates how much of a highlighter he is
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alchemiclee · 1 year ago
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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oh my god i'm so in love with all the fic ideas you talked about, but especially the last two with the castles kidnapping matt in like a friendly and well-meaning way. it's so funny to me and also the dynamic here would be absolutely excellent. never realised i needed a pro-crime hyper-competent maria castle in my life but apparently i do???
the dynamic in those, but especially the christmas one, is fucking hilarious. i love it so much. i'd write it tomorrow if i had the time
like the castles are treating this like one of those times where you pick up a puppy out of a cardboard box in a kmart parking lot and like, it's a little scrawny and underfed and feral and yeah, it probably would have been smarter to pick one out of the shelter where at least you know they've been checked out and have their shots and everything, but you know, the kids wanted one so bad and it's christmas, and it's cold and the poor thing's probably going to freeze to death in the cardboard box, so you bring it home, and suddenly it's in these new and unfamiliar surroundings and it keeps trying to skitter out the front door every time it opens, so maybe you have to keep it in a back room or tied up for a while and you hand feed it treats until it stops trying to run away and like, you know eventually the puppy's going to warm up to you as long as you treat it right and when that happens you'll have a happy new member of the family that you can probably shove felt reindeer antlers on for the family christmas card
meanwhile matt's treating this like a fucking kidnapping
#it's so funny to me#like matt is somehow in the minority in thinking kidnapping an adult man is a big deal#normally he'd be able to hurl is body out a third story window and fuck off#but devastantly frank is one of the few people on the planet that can go toe to toe with him on a good day#and he keeps dragging matt off the windowsills and acting like matt's being ridiculous for trying to escape his own kidnapping#also he could try to just fuckin. kick flip frank#but it's so much harder to do that to maria and the kids#and it's SO AWKWARD to get into a physical confrontation with the dad of the kids whose lives you saved and who idolize you now#like merry christmas kids i need to punch your dad#maybe the real kidnapping was the societal conventions we found along the way#also matt's not super at one hundred percent on account of he took on the CIA in a t-shirt and sweatpants and like he WON but it's not GOOD#matt spends this entire time like 'please stop trying to teach me about the magic of christmas time'#'i need you to start treating this hostage situation seriously this is a federal crime you are committing a FEDERAL CRIME'#and maria's engaging in mild gaslighting like 'that's a bit dramatic dear here have a sugar cookie'#matt: 'i don't want a sugar cookie i want you to UNLOCK THE HANDCUFFS'#see the thing is that i'm absolutely convinced teh castles are absolutely fucking insane all of them#like we know frank is not above zip tying a child to the bed and kidnapping her for her own safety#maybe they're just all like that#the moral of the story is that this nice young man helped them and is living a horrible fucking existence so there's no reason why#they can't forcefully adopt him and make him take his medication and recover in their nice guest bedroom instead of a fucking boiler room#like this is 60% physical force and 40% a guilt trip keeping him captive
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IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN TENTOO!!!
From “The Christmas Invasion”:
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. ROSE: He's the Doctor. HARRIET: But what happened to my Doctor? Or is it a title that's just passed on DOCTOR: I'm him. I'm literally him. Same man, new face. Well, new everything. HARRIET: But you can't be. DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, we were trapped in Downing Street and the one thing that scared you wasn't the aliens, it wasn't the war, it was the thought of your mother being on her own. HARRIET: Oh, my God.
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From “Journey’s End”:
DOCTOR: Exactly. You were born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge. Remind you of someone? That's me, when we first met. And you made me better. Now you can do the same for him. ROSE: But he's not you. DOCTOR: He needs you. That's very me. DONNA: But it's better than that, though. Don't you see what he's trying to give you? Tell her. Go on. NEW DOCTOR: I look like him and I think like him. Same memories, same thoughts, same everything. Except I've only got one heart.
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From “The Almost People”:
AMY: Come on. Okay, how can how can you both be real? G-DOCTOR: Well, because we are. I'm the Doctor. DOCTOR: Yeah and so am I. We both contain the knowledge of over nine hundred years of memory and experience. DOCTOR: We both wear the same bow tie, which is cool. G-DOCTOR: Because bow ties are DOCTOR: And always will be. AMY: But how did the Flesh read you? Because you weren't linked up to the it. DOCTOR: Well, it must've been after I examined it. Thus, a new, genuine Doctor was created. G-DOCTOR: Ta-da. AMY: No getting away from it. One of you was here first. DOCTOR: Well, okay. After the Flesh scanned me, I had an accident with a puddle of acid. Now, new shoes. A situation which did not confront me learned self here. G-DOCTOR: That satisfy you, Pond? AMY: Don't call me Pond, please. What? G-DOCTOR: Interesting. You definitely feel more affection for him than me. AMY: No, no, I. Look, you're fine and everything, but he's the Doctor. No offence. Being almost the Doctor is pretty damn impressive. G-DOCTOR: Being almost the Doctor's like being no Doctor at all. AMY: Don't overreact. G-DOCTOR: You might as well call me Smith. AMY: Smith? G-DOCTOR: John Smith.
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elizabro · 9 months ago
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please consider how you engage with aaron bushnell's death. you may react to it as you will, but it's crucial to remember that his death was specifically a call to action. it was not meant solely to shock but to draw attention to a vast moral hypocrisy: that to many, a soldier dying in a campaign backed by the U.S. government is noble, even if the soldier kills innocents to do so, even if the cause is morally bankrupt--but this? this is insanity. a man taking his own life, on his own terms, in an attempt to help others while hurting nobody else, is somehow less rational and more horrifying than the mass killing of civilians.
of course aaron's death was horrific. but as he said beforehand, it is realistically no more horrific than what's happening in gaza. if we can't stomach this, then why can we stomach children being bombed? thousands being starved? for all that self immolation is, it brings death in a matter of minutes. it is a fraction of the amount of pain, fear, and grief that people in gaza are experiencing. it's just that we are able to quantify it. and this tiny, quantifiable sliver of horror is still so unbelievably awful. how can anyone bear to think about anything else when this horror is happening a millionfold in palestine? this is the question aaron bushnell was asking. and he wanted you to face it, head-on, watching him burn to death.
I've been seeing people make fanart. minimalist graphics to sell on t-shirts. to commodify his death, to mythologize it not a day afterwards, is not only in poor taste but a hindrance to his message. the answer is not commodification, nor is it defeatism, nor is it rejoicing in his death. if you want to honor aaron's legacy, take action. channel your horror and your outrage into making a material change. this wasn't about him. this was about palestine. remember that it was always about palestine.
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lynxgirlpaws · 1 year ago
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I spent quite literally one [1] hour with my father and now feel like absolute shit. Unironically how does he do this [i am impressed]
#AvieRant#now mind you i am writing this from “weh weh weh huff puff” attitude so it is probably biased like a motherfucker#but whatever i'll feel bad for it later#so before we even get anywhere [walgreens] I talk about how someone on the discord got a full ride to yale and he goes on his#“You think you don't have to do things if you don't want to...” speech yada yada yada shut up please you're the reason why#I couldn't apply to college because you fucking refused to help me get my immunization records until like august [too late]#anyways I show concern for him as he says his ankle has been hurting especially on the EXTRA LONG WALK he CHOSE to take#and he fucking. slaps my stomach and says “yeah well I ain't got a pussy so I ain't a bitch”#i. are you fucking kidding me . one - don't touch me . two - fuck you. three - don't fucking touch me#then we GET to walgreens and he makes sure to inform me how stupid I am for... looking at the price of things before buying them#and actively gives me a side eye or sucks his teeth when I suggest making decisions based off of cost [idgaf if you have cash be smart >:(]#anyways he also just basically decides shit for me. I asked for one [1] thing and he informed me that I simply don't need it#before promptly ignoring any even suggestions of me getting something I'd actually want other than what he soyjaks at#so anyways as we go to pay ? fucker demands I go wait outside while he pays . for no reason. just. fuck me ig okay#anyways we seem to FINALLY be getting my phone turned on on the way home!!!! like we're AT T-Mobile!#then he has to wait 5 minutes and decides we'll just do it tomorrow. like he's been saying for 11 months#then basically tells me to go home alone while I carry everything bc he wants to go somewhere#like . fuck you fuck off i am tired of your bullshit#ugh . i. like again. can't ocmplain. free food and housing and what not. but do you HAVE to be a dick whenever you can? >:/#whatever i'm gonna go cope somehow see y'all around
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titaswrld · 4 months ago
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deadpool!
….as your boyfriend.
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description: deadpool as your boyfriend!
pairing: deadpool x you!
contains: 18+, mentions of sex!
|an: just saw deadpool & wolverine.. couldn’t help myself.
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- awful with emotions but always finds a way to make up for things whether through humor or sex.
- speaking of humor you’re never not laughing with him, or bickering, or fucking
- you’re the only person he can actually feel vulnerable and comfortable with, he cherishes that and he loves you so much for that.
- you’re his person, he would genuinely kill for you if it meant he would lose someone so important in his life.
- if someone makes you sad, mad or uncomfortable ooo…not his babygirl.
- he usually doesn’t keep people or friends in his loop often, they could find him annoying or over the top but not you.
- you love absolutely everything about him, his outlandish humor, his extroverted personality, his big ol’ mouth. you think it’s so hot.
- so hot when he’s mean to you so hot when he’s soft with you
- you literally bicker like two teenage girls all the time and he always somehow clocks your tea it’s ridiculous but you also find it impressive that he always has something to say that you cannot come back from😭
- god you need to pray that no man ever even has the thought of coming on to you… he’ll experience some banter with your boyfriend before it’s lights out.
- not only are you his but he’s yours! he’s super loyal and if he can’t get someone to back off , you sure will!
- you’re always having fun with him date nights are some of the best times of your life, he always finds a way to entertain you no matter what you’re doing.
- always gotta hand somewhere, your ass, a singular cheek, a titty, somewhere. how could you expect him not to! you’re all his.
- you literally have him wrapped around your finger, he’d do absolutely anything for you.
- also always bullying you he is so straightforward😭
“hon that has got to be the ugliest shirt i’ve ever seen on you”
“wade-“
“i know you got better in that closet that i snoop through and try on all your clothes when you aren’t home now go!”
- he’s so tall so if you’re short oh wow…you’re never catching a break
“soooo how’s the weather down there.” wade said, placing his elbow on the crown of your head.
“prick…”
“yeah that’s enough of that dirty mouth!” your boyfriend had announced before bending down and wrapping an arm around your behind, throwing you over his shoulder and positioning his palm on your ass.
“god, wade put me down!” you’d laughed playfully hitting his back.
“don’t make me have to spank you!” he said, lighting pinching your ass.
- do not get an animal bc it will quickly become his center of attention and he will defend it over you.
“wade, we’re having my mom over please put it in the room”
“ugh…she’s so mean isn’t she sugar?” he’d said stroking your pet, followed by a “yes she is yes she is!” as the animal licked his face.
sigh.
- good lord we got a cuddle monster on our hands!
- absolutely adores any type of affection and practically begs you for it 24/7. he loves being little spoon specifically. also loves it when u scratch or message his back, bc that also gets him going..
- speaking of, you got this guy rock solid 24/7
“hungry for seconds?” he joked, hugging you from behind and pressing his hardened cock against your ass.
“we literally jus-“ you’d started just to be interrupted mid sentence.
“so! cmon baby throw a dog a bone.” he muttered, hand already gripping your inner thigh.
you’d sighed, god you can’t resist him.
- it doesn’t matter what you’re doing he finds anything you do hot i stg
- a M-U-N-C-H! for life, literally came in his pants from eating you out once! he loves making you feel good.
- a goofball during sex he cannot do shit seriously😭 he be talking you and your pussy thru it!
- again, if you’re petite god help you bc he is large.
- babe, you better match his freak because yall doing anything.
- trying a new thing every night multiple times bc that sex is never vanilla and that dick is never tired! at some point he’s just making positions up😭
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euthymiya · 11 days ago
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Starting an internship at the company Satoru’s father owns but you don’t know who he is just yet.
He’s annoying. He always comes back from lunch late, lets his phone ring at his desk (that’s conveniently placed next to yours) past the three ring policy, writes emails with silly and immature sign-offs, cracks jokes during meetings, and somehow, despite always finishing his paperwork late, he never manages to lose his damn job.
You try to mind your own business. But you can’t help but feel him slowly grate at your nerves as he acts so unprofessional and for some weird reason, not one person seems to care.
He seems pretty intrigued with you, too, if matters couldn’t get worse.
“Hey,” he grins. You try to ignore the tilt of his lips in amusement as you just barely fight off rolling your eyes.
“Can I help you with something?” You sigh, “I’m currently in the middle of something that requires my full attention, but maybe we could—”
“You really love your office jargon,” he hums, cutting you off with a wider grin, “so dedicated.”
“Oh, my apologies,” you smile tightly. He seems to straighten a little, some sick, twisted form of excitement rushing through his system at the way he seems to get under your skin. “Allow me to use simpler language for you to understand: go away, I’m busy.”
Someone has to stand up to this prick, you think. He puts in half the effort, and somehow, you’re pretty sure your boss has a soft spot for him. You don’t understand it, and quite frankly, you’ll be damned if a lazy, lackluster man snags a promotion before your hardworking self.
“Oh wow,” he snorts, “breaking your strictly professional streak, are you? You must be really occupied. I guess I’ll borrow your stapler later.”
Gritting your teeth, you give him yet another tight lipped smile before grabbing the stapler off your desk and handing it to him. (A small part of you resists the urge to throw it square at his face. Maybe the image of him on the floor with a bloodied nose would make your day a little easier, but then you’re sure you’d be jobless).
“Here you go,” you say with as much kindness as you can muster. (It’s not a lot). “Please do bring it back when you’re done. Some of us actually complete paper work, so the stapler is a necessity.”
“Oh yeah?” He tilts his head, eyes sparkling with mischief, “don’t worry, I won’t hold your stapler hostage for too long. I wouldn’t want to disrupt the flow of your productivity.”
You watch with wary eyes as he walks back to his desk, stapling some small, tiny note of sorts before walking right back, handing the paper and the stapler to you.
“What’s this?” You raise a brow.
“Some paper work for you to fill out,” he grins, the vagueness of his answer making a vein all but pop in your forehead.
Before you even have a chance to tell him that you most certainly will not be entertaining whatever silly prank he’s playing, he walks right off, sagging into his chair as he does an obnoxious little spin and goes back to typing at his computer. Probably yet another email with a ridiculous ending, you think to yourself.
Against your better judgement, you stare at the note, eyeing the small flap he’s stapled over an index card. You lift it up, quickly scanning over his scribbled writing.
Want to grab coffee during lunch? Check your answer:
▢ yes! ▢ absolutely! ▢ most definitely!
Your eye twitches.
Grabbing a pen, you quickly add a box underneath his (very confident) options, checking it off and writing in neat, pristine handwriting:
▣ not a chance!
You stand, walking over to his desk and ignoring his perked up, excited little smile as you drop the note back on the table and head back to your own desk. A tiny wave of satisfaction weaves through your body when you notice him read over your response and deflate, a small pout forming over his lips.
Regretfully, a small part of you can’t help but acknowledge that he’s actually…kind of cute when his lips are curled like that. But a larger part of you shakes that thought away and cringes internally. It’s a shame his personality ruins the genetic blessings he seems to have been bestowed with.
And you think that’s the end of it—but of course, with someone like Satoru in the office, there’s never the end of anything.
You watch as an email pops up on your screen, opening it only to stare blankly at his name and roll your eyes at the subject line:
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Follow-Up on Submitted Paperwork
Greetings office neighbor,
Thank you for submitting the paperwork. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but notice that it does not fully align with the outlined guidelines. Could you please provide clarification or revise the submission accordingly?
Thanks a million,
Gojo Satoru :)
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And there he goes again with those obnoxious sign-offs, you think bitterly. Instantly, you’re clicking away at your keyboard as you type back an agitated response. Of course, you really shouldn’t entertain his ridiculous schemes, but something about him gets under your skin enough that you simply can’t help yourself.
You huff in approval at your response as you read it over before hitting send.
Instantly, as if he was waiting, you see his hand reach for his mouse and click on his screen to open your email as his eyes scan over your reply:
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Thank you for reaching out,
Unfortunately, I was unable to fully adhere to the outlined guidelines, as they are not viable in this situation. To address this, I adjusted the submission to align more effectively with a more practical outcome.
Hope that helps!
Your office neighbor :)
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Just when you think he’s given up, he rolls his chair over to your desk, causing a couple of annoyed heads to tilt up and glare at him for the noise before turning their attention back to their work. You pinch your nose as his chair rolls to a stop in front of your desk.
“Yes?” You grit through your teeth.
“Hey, office neighbor,” he hums, “just wanted to clarify your most recent email with you. I’m a bit confused.”
“Which part confused you?” You bat your lashes in faux charm, sarcastically smiling at him as he hums, grabbing a piece of candy from your little bowl of sweets at your desk and helping himself.
Your eye twitches a little at the gesture. Those are for you to enjoy throughout a miserable work day.
“Um…” he trails off as he pretends to think, “I’d say all of it.”
“I see,” you nod slowly, fighting every bone in your body not to snap at him with a colorful choice of words. “Essentially, the options in your original document did not highlight a plausible set of deliverables, so I corrected them for you with a more realistic one. Make sense?”
“Not really,” he sighs dramatically, pretending to scratch his head in confusion. You want nothing more than to grab those snowy locks and slam his face into your paper shredder. “Could you go over it one more time? I’m still lost.”
You’re just about to lose your patience with him when suddenly, the entire office seems to collectively take in a sharp breath, everyone scrambling to look as productive as possible while a tall, older looking man with suspiciously familiar white hair and blue eyes walks through the office. Something in your brain sets off alarm bells, but you can’t quite completely piece it together what it is about him seems so….recognizable.
“Who’s that?” You frown, scrunching your nose in confusion as everyone straightens up.
“That would be the final boss,” he snorts. You roll your eyes at his word choice before blinking and straightening up yourself.
“Oh my god,” you gasp, voice a panicked whisper as you ask, “you mean the owner of this company?”
“Yeah,” he drawls, raising a brow at you in amusement. “Never seen him before?”
“No,” you hiss, “I’m just the intern! Now go back to your desk before he thinks we’re goofing off, I’d like to keep my job, please.”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” he hums.
You send him a nasty glare, just about at your wits end as you whisper-yell, “I am going to throw my stapler right at your—”
“Satoru, I need you in my office,” comes a stern, deep voice, interrupting you as you quickly shut your mouth.
“You got it, old man,” he salutes in mock seriousness. Suddenly, your spine goes rigid and your eyes widen. The man walks off with a firm nod as Satoru stands, giving you an innocent smile.
Suddenly, it dawns on you just why he looked so strikingly familiar.
“Did you just call him old man?” You blink, mouth agape.
“Yup,” he winks, walking backwards as his eyes stay trained on you while he heads for the elevator. “I’ll put in a good word for you when he’s in a better mood at home tonight. I think we can discuss the specifics over coffee during our lunch hour, yeah?”
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kisses4reid · 6 months ago
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criminally hot | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,,
summary - you get wrongfully accused by a sheriff, and it isn’t you who’s angriest. it’s your boyfriend who has to expose your relationship in order to clear you.
genre - spencer x bau!fem!reader, fluff, slight angst if u squint, angry reid x calm reader
wc - 1.2k
warnings - reader uses she/her pronouns, handcuffs, violence, a weird white man i know id be fucking scared as well, oh swearing as well.
a/n - i love u you’re so awkward i am doing so well bc of ur request, keep requesting things your brain is crazy. ummm anyways this is my first time writing this kinda thing omg how exciting okay start reading it wtf you still doing here?
request - ( from @babyoureahauntedhouse ) omg hii!!! :3 this is my first time requesting, so please excuse the awkwardness 😭😭😭😭 first of all, how are you????? i hope you’re doing amazing!!! absolutely no pressure, but can you do one where reader gets falsely arrested (not a huge thing, maybe in a police station at a small town or something) and spencer absolutely **loses** his shit at how she’s being treated????? like, she’s freezing and the sheriff or somethjng keeps pushing her and then he just bursts into the interrogation room and uncuffs her and it’s just very fluffy???? thank you!
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Emily handed you your coffee with a smile, receiving a small thank you in return. It was warm in your hands and created a comforting contrast to the cool chill of the police precinct you were set up in.
Things were going well given that you’d only been in the small town for half a day. The team debriefed on the plane, but Aaron had been on the phone with the leading detective for at least an hour now asking him where he was.
Emily headed off to the restrooms when a slender hand made its way to your waist. You turned and felt your cheeks heat, knowing exactly who is was.
“Hi Spencer.”
“Hi Y/n.” His eyes held sweetness in the chocolate swirls, and you felt like a kid who had been given candy. Spencer and you had been dating for a few months, but somehow in a team of profilers you both kept things under wraps, even with Spencer’s clumsy touches and your lingering stares. “I wish we were home,” he whispered.
You glanced around for anyone who could witness your interaction and get suspicious, but you were mostly alone other than Hotch and some officers who were weirdly taking a lot of attention to you.
“Yeah me too. I’m feeling oddly popular and not in the good way.”
Before you could talk more or offer him a sip of your coffee (even if you know he doesn’t like it), Aaron calls his name and the slim tall boy scurries away with a straight face.
You turn to find something to do. To reread a case, to help someone fill out papers, to talk to Morgan or Garcia. You would’ve opted to huddling in your cardigan if a tall man didn’t interrupt.
“Y/n L/n?” He asked in monotone. His arms were at his sides, one hovering above a pair of cuffs that hung from his police belt. Furrowing your eyebrows you answered,
“Yes? What’s wrong?”
“You’re under arrest for the robberies of…”
His voice pounded into the background of your head, thoughts attacking your eyes through a sudden headache as the words registered before you could help it. The room was silent except for the man’s voice, yet all you could hear was the furrow of eyebrows and quick approach of your boss, Aaron Hotchner.
“What’s going on here?”
“Your agent has been seen…”
You stood still as another officer came behind you and forced handcuffs onto your arms, gripping your wrists with unnecessary force that would surely leave bruises. You winced and looked between your boss and the officer, and then at Spencer, who was being pulled back by Morgan. He yelled your name in worry, witnessing the hardened grips on your body and rough pushing you were being subject to. Your coffee splattered on the ground, staining your white shoes.
There was only mumbles and white noise, as your eyes met with Spencer’s. The large officer behind you kicked your leg to get you moving, the shock glueing your shoes to the rubbery floor. And you almost didn’t even notice the hand on the back of your neck pushing you towards a dark room with a desk and two chairs.
You were so familiar with these rooms and yet it felt so different.
Of course, you didn’t actually do anything. And of course you attempt to clear that up to the officers who are slamming their hands on the table and screaming as much as they could, in a poor attempt to intimidate you.
Aaron was in the corner with a scolding face and hard hand to his chin, observing the situation with an intensity you barely ever see.
“Last month, you were seen at one of the houses that got robbed over night. You left a few days later, after also being seen at two of the other houses-“
“So she was seen at three of the ten houses robbed and you arrest her?” Aaron spoke up, bringing the men’s attention to your boss instead of you. You took the opportunity to look outside of the window.
Though it wasn’t clear, you could make out the outline of a tall boy you wished would just break into the room and save you.
And he did.
“Your evidence is illogical and childish. She’s an FBI agent for gods sake-“
“Anybody can be a suspect Agent Hotchner, even federal agents.” The tall one replied with a stubborn mumbled.
Suddenly, the door was slammed open and you were met with a disheveled Spencer panting with a red and severe face. He didn’t even bother looking at you before he starting schooling the men in blue, who at that point were glaring at him and attempting to look more intimidating than they actually were.
“I’ve read your files on this case and nothing links to Y/n L/n, not one-“
“There’s no way you read our-“
“I can read more in a minute than you can in a day, dickhead. Y/n was meeting old school friends when she was in town, we went to the Diner Inn afterwards and we met with her parents who have receipts for the meals because they’re-“ he turned his glance at you,” “sorry Y/n- they’re hoarders. You have nothing against her other than some positively reported visits and some photos of her hugging the house owners.” Spencer had slowly pinned the officers to the opposite wall unconsciously. It was hot. “I was there, I’m her receipt. And like her parents, she loves keeping those. So if you want to insist she’s your culprit, go for it. But your going against a man with eidetic memory and a lot of evidence.”
And while he was logical and correct, he was also a little too truthful.
The officers blinked in fear. Spencer definitely didn’t seem the type to yell or swear, so this clear, concise and undermining approach to the situation was somehow even scarier.
“Spencer,” you began, “thank you.”
He looked at you, his expression softening into empathy and care, “Of course.” His hands found a key in his back pocket as he approached you, starting to promptly uncuff you.
As Aaron continued to speak with the officers of their major mistake, Spencer took you outside of the room and into a private office. Your heart was racing, but it seemed Spencer was more stressed than you. He paced as you leaned onto the front of a wooden desk, hands over your chest as your eyes trailed Spencer.
“I’m sorry, Y/n. I should’ve reacted faster, then you wouldn’t have been..” He stopped closely in front of you, his breath hot on yours as his gaze scoured over your body for injuries or bruises. “Are you okay?”
You smile calmly, “I’m fine. My leg hurts, and I think my wrists will be bruised, but I’m fine.”
He took your hands and rubbed his thumbs on your wrists carefully, causing butterflies to explode in your stomach.
“Thank you Spencer.” Your eyes dance with each others. “You were really hot. Maybe I need to get arrested more often.” You joke with a lift to your voice and a smirk, causing him to look down with a smile and shake his head.
“If being angry makes me hot maybe you should reevaluate what you-“
Your lips found his, you hand going to his bicep and his going to the back of your neck, before a clearing of the throat took you both out of your trances. It was Hotch.
“I’ve got some paperwork you both need to sign. About the arrest and,” his hand waved between you two, “this.”
Morgan stood behind Aaron with a smirk, leaving quickly to go tell Garcia that she had lost their bet.
taglist: @jeffswh0re @reap3erslov3 @candyd1es
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freedomfireflies · 5 months ago
Text
One Day*
Summary: An extra for 404*
The one where you still hate Harry, but turns out, you might be having his baby.
Word Count: 5.4k
Content Warning: 18+, smut, breeding kink, pregnancy kink, spanking, brief choking, slight angst (happy ending), mentions of pregnancy and babies! *Please be so gentle with yourself and only continue if you feel comfortable! 💞*
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“I’m late.”
“For what?”
You huff. “I’m late,” you repeat, gesturing frantically toward your hips. “A week late. Which I know can happen, but…not really to me, so…I’m late. And I think we’re fucked.”
Harry blinks. Looks down at your stomach. Looks up at your face. “Oh.”
“Oh?” You rear back. “That’s all you have to say for yourself is oh?”
He lifts his left shoulder in nonchalant shrug before flopping down onto your sofa. “I don’t know. What did you want me to say?”
“I…I don’t know,” you huff. “I kind of thought you’d…yell. Or freak out or something. Or ask me if I’m keeping it.”
“Do you want me to freak out?”
“Well…no. Not really.”
“Do you want to keep it?”
“I…I don’t know, I don’t even…I’m not even sure if I am yet or not.”
“Okay.” He nudges his glasses up before crossing his arms. “Well did you get a test?”
You glance toward the pharmacy bag still sitting on your kitchen counter. It’s been mocking you ever since you picked it up. Staring you down, sticking out its tongue. One, tiny little box that’ll determine the next chapter of your life. It’s almost infuriating. 
“Yeah,” you mumble. “I, um…got one on the way home from work.”
“Okay. Have you taken it yet?”
“Not…exactly.”
His brow raises. “Do you…need help or something?”
You scowl. “It’s peeing on a stick, I think I’ve got it covered.”
“Yeah, well, knowing you, you’d find a way to fuck it up.” He smirks. “Sure hope our baby gets my brains instead of yours.”
You grab the pillow beside him and give him a firm whack. “That’s not funny.”
He laughs as he winces. “Good. I wasn’t being funny.”
“Then, stop it. And stop being so calm.”
“You just said you preferred calm—”
“Well…it’s scaring me now. So what gives?”
Another shrug. “I don’t know. I just don’t really feel the need to waste a reaction on something we don’t even know is happening yet. Take the test and then I’ll freak out if you’d like.”
“You say that like someone that’s had a lot of pregnancy scares.”
He snorts. “No, I say that like someone who knows freaking out won’t exactly help you right now. So just take the goddamn test, Tinkerbell. And we’ll go from there.”
Unamused, but somehow slightly comforted, you oblige and snatch the box from the table before retreating to the bathroom.
Once the timer has been set, you slowly make your way back to him.
He’s still sitting on the sofa. Calm. Unaffected. Watching you without a care in the world. Like his whole life isn’t about to change. 
It drives you nuts.
“Five minutes,” you tell him.
He nods.
Warily, you sit in the chair to his left, staring holes through your shoes as your heart races inside your chest. You’re not sure how you got here. Not sure where you could possibly go. You aren’t ready for a baby. Not…yet. Especially not one with…him.
“Hey,” he calls, pulling your attention up. “S’the matter with you?”
Your eyes narrow. “What the hell do you think?”
Another casual shrug that makes your teeth grit. “I thought you’d be happy.”
“Happy?” You lean back. “Why on Earth would I be happy about getting stuck with your DNA for the rest of my life?”
He smiles. “I don’t know. You just seem like the type of girl to want a lot of babies.”
You scoff. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I am not.” You don’t think.
“Really? Is that why you begged me to breed you?”
“I didn’t actually mean it. That’s just what you say in a moment like that.”
His eyebrow raises.
You hesitate. “Did…did you mean it?”
“Kind of,” he admits. “I mean, yeah, maybe I didn’t mean right this second, but…I don’t hate the idea.”
“You actually want to be a father?” You snort. “Bullshit. You hate kids. I’ve seen you.”
“I don’t hate kids, I just don’t care about them when they aren’t mine.” He throws his arm over the back of the chair and smirks. “I like my nieces, though. They’re chill.”
You blink. “You…you have nieces? Wait, you have siblings?”
“Yeah. One brother. He’s got two kids and they’re cute as shit.”
“Oh.” Your head starts to pound. “See? We can’t have a baby when I don’t even know anything about you.”
He chuckles to himself before nodding his chin at you. “All right, fine. Go ahead. Ask me whatever.”
“What?”
“Ask me what you wanna know.”
You think. “Okay. How often do you see your family?”
“Often enough. They live in California, and they work a lot. But we call every couple of weeks.”
“Oh. That’s…surprisingly nice. Uh…do you have a history of disease in your family?”
He grins. “Excuse me?”
“I need to know what I’m getting myself into.” You motion at him. “Answer.”
“This isn’t an interview—”
“Answer.”
“No,” he says. “Not that I know of anyway.”
“Great. Do you plan to be a deadbeat father?”
His eyes roll. “I’m not dignifying that with a response.”
“So, yes? You do? Oh, great—”
“No, because that’s not a fair fucking question—”
“It is a fair question. If I have to raise this baby alone, I want to know—”
“Of course you wouldn’t fucking be alone. Do you really think so little of me—”
“I don’t think about you at all. How am I supposed to know what you’ll do—”
“I wouldn’t leave you alone,” he nearly snaps. He takes a breath to calm himself before adding, “Even if it wasn’t my baby, I wouldn’t leave you alone.”
Your lashes flutter and you can feel your heart lodging in your throat. “Fine. Last question.”
He waits.
“Did you ever want kids…before? With…her?”
He doesn’t have to think for very long, but the mention of her makes him smile. “Nah. We talked about it, but we weren’t ready. We liked it being just us, you know? We had a bunch of shit we wanted to do. We were a long way from babies and a white picket fence.”
You try to blink back the tears swimming their way to your eye. You can still see that beautiful picture of her in his room. An entire future of love and life and adventures that he lost. Now…he’s stuck with you.
“Oh,” you murmur.
His brows furrow. “What?”
“Nothing.” You swipe your knuckle along your cheek. “So, you probably still aren’t ready.”
“I didn’t say that.”
You give him an incredulous look. “Harry, come on. You aren’t ready for a baby. I’m not ready for a baby. We…we don’t know each other, we don’t like each other…we can’t do this. You know that.”
“Do I?” He leans forward. “It’s a baby, not a bomb. I think we can handle it.”
“Well, I don’t. You don’t even like me. You can’t have a baby with me.”
“Why not? People do it all the time.”
“But not us.” You give him a firm stare. “Harry, we love our jobs. We want careers, not kids. So having a baby kind of gets in the way of that. There’s…there’s diaper changes, and teething, and potty training—”
“So?”
“So. We don’t work together well. In fact, it’s a rather well-known fact that we don’t get along. We can’t possibly raise a kid. We’d ruin it.” You study him for a beat, unnerved by the nonchalance in his tone. “Why do I get the feeling you actually want this to be real?”
Another shrug and you nearly lunge at him. “I don’t know,” he murmurs, resting his elbows on his knees while he glances at the floor. “I’m older now. Maybe it’s time to…think about settling down.”
Your face scrunches. “Ew. That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
He laughs. “Look, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, but…maybe it could be a good thing.”
You stand from your chair and pace the length of your small living room. “This is crazy. This is crazy. I can’t have a baby, I’m…I’m not ready. I’m too young, I…I don’t even know what I’d do with one. Or if I even have a maternal instinct.”
“Probably not,” Harry offers, smirking when you glare. “You won’t really know until you have one.”
“Oh, great.”
“Listen, if you feel like you aren’t ready…we can find another alternative,” he says, softening his voice. “Okay? There are plenty of other options and we’ll find one you feel comfortable with.”
A tad wary of his sympathetic answer, you eye him closely. “Yeah? And what if we disagree?”
“We won’t,” he says calmly. “Your body, your decision.”
“Right,” you snort. “I’m sure.”
“I mean it. I wouldn’t be the one having to carry it.” He nods as though to reassure you. “Honestly, Tink. This would be your decision, one hundred percent. It’s not mine to make. Just to support.”
The tears rush a little faster as you sniffle and step closer. “You say that now, but what if I decide something you don’t like?”
“I will like it. I promise,” he murmurs, standing up in order to move toward you. “If you want to keep it, great. If you don’t, great.”
“I…I…” You suck in a deep breath, unable to slow the wild racing in your chest. “Fuck, I can’t…I don’t know—”
“Hey, okay, easy. Easy, Princess,” he says, quickly reaching out to take you in his arms and ease you against his chest. “Relax. Okay? Just breathe. Breathe for me.”
“I…I don’t think I can—”
“Yes, you can. You are.” His lips press to the top of your head while his hand runs up and down your back soothingly. “I’m right here. Do you hear me? I’m right here. You’re not alone. You won’t be alone. I promise.”
You squeeze your arms together and hold on with everything you have. Right now, he feels like your only anchor in the world. The only person strong enough to carry you both through to the other side. And for the first time since you met him…you feel glad that he’s here.
The two of you stand in the middle of the room for a long while before he finally murmurs, “I think it’s been five minutes.”
Your eyes close and you grip his shirt in your first. “I’m…I’m not ready to look.”
“Okay.” You can hear the smile in his response. “Okay, we can wait.”
So, you do as the truth starts to build in your chest. Inescapable, no matter how hard you try to swallow it down.
Finally, you can’t help but whisper, “You know what scares me the most?”
“Hm?”
“…that maybe I’m hoping it’s real.”
The apartment falls silent again. He doesn’t push you to elaborate, but you can feel his heart beating just a little faster inside his chest.
“I don’t know why,” you continue. “I don’t…I really don’t think I’m ready, but…but what if I should be? What if…what if we met and we started this because…because we were supposed to do this?”
He considers this. “Like fate.”
“Yeah.” You roll your lips into your mouth. “Because I still hate you. I do. I just…I’m starting to get this picture in my head of us. Being a family. Having a big house in a good school district. Tucking them into bed at night and reading them stories. Which is…dumb.”
“No,” he mumbles. “No, it’s not dumb. I’ve been thinking about it, too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Because I meant what I said, I’d love to get you pregnant. You’d look really fucking hot.”
You chuckle. “Yes, so you’ve mentioned.”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Uh…okay?”
He smirks. “I never had a breeding kink until I met you.”
You lean back and swat your hand across his chest. “You’re so annoying.”
“What? I’m being serious.” He grins and those dimples pop free. God, you hope your kids have his dimples—
No. Nope. You aren’t going there.
You shake your head, ridding yourself of the thought. “Whatever. You’re just horny.”
“Maybe. But it’s still true.” His gentle gaze sweeps across your face. “If you wanna do this…we’ll do it. You and me. We’ll have this baby, and we’ll raise it to be really smart, and funny, and to not take shit from anybody.”
You laugh, brushing away a few more tears. “Maybe we can teach it to write code.”
“Oh, fucking obviously.”
The two of you smile before the excitement seems to fizzle and Harry’s brows pull together.
“You know I don’t actually hate you, right?” he says.
You blink. “What?”
“I know that’s our thing, and I know you said it earlier, but…I don’t actually hate you. This baby wouldn’t grow up with two parents that don’t like each other.”
“Oh…I…I know.”
“Good. Because I don’t want that to be one of the reasons you think we can’t do it. I’d fucking love that baby. And I’d love you for carrying it.”
Instantly, you both seem to still. The four-letter word sounds so loud inside such a small room.
I’d love you.
He clears his throat, shifting a bit as he glances toward the kitchen. “I mean, I’d…I’d appreciate you for carrying it—”
“No, yeah, I know,” you stammer. “I know what you mean.”
“Good. Yeah.”
The two of you fall quiet again before you softly admit, “I think I’m ready to look.”
“Okay.” He squeezes your hip. “I’m right here.”
You take in a deep breath before begrudgingly pulling yourself out of his arms. You already miss his warmth and the way he felt like home and your stomach turns as you slip into the bathroom.
With trembling hands, you reach for the stick that sits on the edge of your sink. And in those three seconds, an entire lifetime flashes before your eyes. 
The good, the bad, and the everything in-between. You see a house and a dog and a big backyard. You see two little kids rolling in the grass and jumping into the pool. You hear them begging for a bedtime story and crying when they scrape their knee.
You see a dozen birthdays and holidays and visits to the zoo. You see their heartbreaks and triumphs, their successes and letdowns. You see a million goodnight kisses and cuddles on the couch. 
And then…you see Harry.
In every picture, every moment. Taking them to their first baseball game and picking them up from their first dance. Sneaking them into R-rated movies even after you explicitly said no and feeding them far too much candy and popcorn.
You see him teach your son how to tie a tie and dance with your daughter as she stands on his feet. You see him cooking breakfast in the kitchen, flour all over his face. You see him curled up in bed, his head on your chest, your fingers in his hair. You hear him tell you how happy he is. How glad that he found you.
It’s a beautiful life. Even if it’s not the one you imagined for yourself. And in that moment, you decide that it doesn’t matter what the test says. If that’s your future, so be it. 
As long as you get to live it with him.
“So?” Harry calls from the hall.
You swallow thickly and slowly glance down.
Negative.
Negative.
No baby. No pregnancy. No white-picket fence.
You stare at the test for at least a full minute. You aren’t sure how you feel. Relieved. Disappointed. Upset. Thankful. Confused.
“Tink?”
You turn around. “Uh…it’s negative,” you report, handing it to him. “False alarm. I guess I’m just late.”
He glances over the stick with a rather blank expression before looking at you. “Are you okay?”
You nod. “Yeah. This is definitely the better outcome. I’m just…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was just starting to get used to the idea.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs, handing it back. “I know.”
You throw the test away. “Sorry for making you come all the way over here for that.”
“Hey, whoa—” He strides into the bathroom. “What the fuck are you talking about? Of course I’d be here.”
“I just…I wasted your time. I should have taken it before I called you—”
“Tink,” he sighs, taking your cheeks in his hands. “Stop. You can always call me for shit like this.” He looks at you, then amends, “You can always me. For anything. You know that.”
A tear slips from your eye without warning, and you suck in a sharp breath. “I don’t know why I’m so disappointed. This is what I wanted—”
“I know,” he says gently. “I know. It’s hard.”
“Yeah.” You hiccup. “But this is good, right? This is better?”
For a moment, he says nothing. He simply stares at you with a rather sympathetic expression. Or maybe it’s forlorn. Maybe he’s disappointed. Upset that you aren’t giving him what he wants.
Then, he dips down to kiss the tip of your nose. “This is good,” he whispers, and you know he means it. “We would have figured it out. And you would have been a wonderful mom. But I know you. And I know you aren’t ready. Not yet.”
You close your eyes and melt into the feel of his palms against your skin. Into the way he reassures you and protects you all in the same breath. You never thought you’d feel so safe in the serenity of his touch, but here you are. Wishing for him to hold you forever.
“And when we are ready, we’ll do it on our terms,” he says. “Okay?”
Slowly, you nod. “This is good,” you repeat to yourself. ���It is. Really. Things are going great at work, I’m finally secure financially, and even you and I are…kind of getting along.”
He smirks.
“This is good. This is better.” You repeat the mantra until you really believe it. “Besides, I probably wouldn’t have been a very good pregnant woman anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I’d be really cranky. Or needy. My ankles would get all swollen and I’d be hot all the time and nauseous and miserable. I’d probably try to kill you.”
“Oh, you’d definitely try to kill me. You try to kill me even when you aren’t pregnant.”
You gasp. “Rude.”
“What?” He chuckles again before his eyes slowly start to rake down your frame. “But I don’t know. I think it’ll be better than you think.”
You swat him again. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop trying to picture it.”
“Why? I told you, you’d look fucking hot.”
“Yeah…no.”
However, he only nods, moving in to subtly brush his lips against yours. “You would. Be so fucking beautiful carrying our baby. With your tits all swollen and your belly getting bigger every day.”
Truthfully, the image almost makes you grimace, but there’s something about the way he says it. The way he talks about you so reverently. A soft, sultry murmur that goes straight to your cunt. Because you know he’s not just saying it to say it. He means it. Believes it. Would do anything for it.
He tilts your head back, thumb brushing along your jaw. “And I think you like it,” he exhales. “I think you like the idea of holding me inside you. Having a part of me. Knowing that I did it to you. No one else.”
You suck in a soft breath, knees going just a bit weak. “Harry…”
“What, baby?” His mouth ghosts along your neck. “Are you thinking about it? Thinking about how pretty your tummy would look with me inside it?”
He’s evil. Absolutely evil, and you clear your throat in a desperate attempt to regain control of yourself. “Do you…have a pregnancy kink I don’t know about?” 
His lips quirk up. “Apparently.”
“Mm.” Your lashes flutter and the urge to kiss him grows stronger. “You know…some women get really horny when they’re pregnant.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Yeah. I don’t think you could handle it.”
He scoffs. “Oh, no?”
You shake your head. “I mean, do you really think you could keep up? Going for hours and hours on end? Trying to keep me satiated with your poor, limp little dick?”
He makes another noise, and you tsk.
“I mean, you can barely satisfy me now as it is. But if I was pregnant? Pfft. Forget it.”
Instantly, he’s snatching hold of your hips and yanking you against his chest. “Don’t fucking tempt me, Princess,” he nearly growls. “I’ll bend you over right now.”
“No, I don’t think you will,” you retort. “You’ve gone soft on me. Rubbing my back, kissing my hair. You wanna take care of me and honestly? It’s a little pathetic.”
His head cocks rather deviously and your pulse begins to skip. He could split you in half if he wanted to and you both know it. 
But that’s what you need right now. You don’t want to be coddled or looked after. You wanna be fucked. Tortured and teased until you’re begging for release.
You want an escape.
And in that moment, Harry decides to give you one.
He picks you up and carries you out of the bathroom while your legs quickly work to hook to his hips for stability and your arms snake around his neck.
He ignores your squeals and teasing huffs of annoyance, instead dropping you onto your mattress with a soft thud.
You glare and push up onto your elbows. “You know, you don’t have to manhandle me—”
“Shut up.”
He surges forward, lips gliding against yours as he takes a taste of you on his tongue. And kissing is easy with him. As easy breathing, like you’ve done it all your life. You know exactly what he likes, what he wants. And you give it him.
His glasses are cold against your face, keeping him from getting as close as he’d like, and after a moment, he huffs, and rips them off before tossing them aside. And even though you adore when he wears them, you happen to adore being near him even more.
Your hands are in his hair, tugging on his curls, scratching down his neck. He has the added advantage of being on top, but that doesn’t seem to stop him from turning to putty in your hands. Clay for you to mold to your liking. 
No matter how dominant he tries to be, he’s simply a man that needs to be told what to do. Taken care of. Shown. 
And you happen to like showing him.
You feel him tug on the hem of your shirt. “Off,” he breathes between carnal nips to your throat. “I want this off, Tink.”
Happy to oblige, you push him back so you can lift yourself up before you peel the fabric from your chest. You take your time with the bra, allowing the straps to fall down your arms oh so slowly. You don’t rush to reveal yourself to him, instead letting him anticipate you. Until his heart is racing and his eyes are darkening and he’s resisting the urge to do it himself.
But once he can finally see you, he nearly groans. “Oh, good fucking girl.” 
He resumes his work. More kisses are left to the warm, tender skin, and he happily sucks bruises into each swell and curve of your breast before teasing the nipple with his tongue. His hands are greedy—ravenous. Pulling at your flesh, clawing his way along your frame. 
When he reaches your thighs, you whimper. You’ve missed the way he touches you. The way he pries your legs apart and makes a home between.
In a rush, he snaps your panties off into his fist and you toss him a punishing glare.
He smiles.
You rid each other of your remaining clothes in a frantic fashion until they’re nothing more than a dirty pile on the floor. Messy and familiar. Fated.
He drops down onto the bed back first, effortlessly swapping positions as you’re placed in a straddle over his waist.
“Good girl, let me see you,” he murmurs, running his fingers down your cheek before grabbing your jaw. “Go ahead.”
You reach down and take his hardening cock in your hand, running it along your cunt before teasing yourself with the tip. 
“Didn’t stretch you,” he mumbles, leaving a few stray kisses to your collarbone. “S’might hurt, so—”
You push him in, simultaneously sinking down in an effort to feel a more prominent burn., and you both make a rather lewd noise as the grip on your chin tightens.
“Tink,” he hisses with a punishing look of his own. “Careful—”
You drop yourself further, muscles tensing around the thickness until your thighs begin to shake.
“Hey—” He forces your eyes on his. “Enough. Be gentle, m’not gonna hurt you—”
“I want you to,” you pant. “Please. I need it. I…fuck, Har, I need it. Please…please.”
He’s still frowning but his expression softens. “Baby…not like this. Maybe we should wait until you’re feeling better—"
“No,” you whimper. Desperate. Fraught. “Harry, please, don’t stop. Don’t make me stop—”
“Hey, easy, easy.” He pulls your forehead to his. “Breathe. It’s okay.”
You try to obey. Try to suck in a strangled gasp of air but it’s useless. He’s gonna take himself from you. He’s gonna leave, and you’ll be empty, and alone, and maybe he won’t ever touch you again—
He places his palm on your chest, right over your heart. “Breathe,” he says again. Soft. Quiet. “In then out. Good girl, just like that.”
You follow the sound of his voice. Mimic his inhales and exhales until the two of you fall into a synchronized rhythm. 
“Good,” he says again, rubbing his other hand along your back. “There you go. You’re all right, I’ve got you. Yeah?”
Weakly, you nod. “I’m…I’m sorry. I just…I—”
“Shh.” He kisses your nose. “You’re okay, Tink. I know.”
A long moment passes before you finally feel in control of your own heart again and once you blink the fog from your eye, you see him. Delicate and strong at the same time.
He sweeps his thumb along your lip. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you admit. “Really, I just…I needed to feel you. And I wanted to…move on, I guess. Think about something else. Lose myself for a bit.”
He sighs but nods his understanding. “You could have told me that.”
“I know. I guess I’m just not used to sharing things with you.”
“I know,” he echoes with a small grin. “But we’ll learn, yeah?”
Your gaze grows suspicious. “And why would we do that?”
“Because,” he says simply. “If we’re gonna make a bunch of hot, smart babies one day, we’re gonna have to communicate.”
You snort. “Yeah, well, that won’t be for a while.”
“Fine. Just gives us more time to practice.”
Your eyes narrow. “You really have gone soft on me, haven’t you? All because you thought I was pregnant."
He laughs, fingers slipping around the back of your neck to pull you in for a kiss. “I’d argue I’m actually quite hard right now.”
“Ha. Funny.”
“I can hate you and like you at the same time, right?” he teases. “Because I think that’s my sweet spot. Wanting to kill you and fuck you all at once.”
“Agreed. You’re insufferable but you’re also one of my favorite people. Which only makes you more insufferable.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I think we earned a little civility, no?”
You nod and take his lip between your teeth. “And I think we should celebrate with an orgasm.”
He laughs again. “I suppose that’s only fair.”
You dance your kisses down his chest, enjoying the way his head drops back while he sighs at the feel of your tongue. He’s so beautiful and so good and if you’re going to lose yourself, you want to lose yourself in him.
Leaning back, brace your hands behind you on his knees, and start to bounce yourself on his cock. Over and over, faster and faster, until he’s grabbing onto your hips and giving them a firm, encouraging squeeze to help you along.
Your tits bounce right in his face, and he takes advantage of his front row seat, allowing his hands to trace and tease your nipples as you whine. He sucks them into his mouth and pulls them with his teeth. It sends chills along your spine and goosebumps along your arms and when he notices, he smirks.
 Not even a minute later, he’s pulling you down so your chest meets his. His hands land on your ass with a firm grip and he drags you along his cock. Slow and sensual until your eyes flutter shut, and you disappear into the building pleasure.
You feel his kisses on your ribcage as he begins to thrust up into you. Returning to the pace you previously set until you’re both chasing that familiar high. 
“There you go,” he praises through gritted teeth. “Fuck yeah, just like that—”
“Harry,” you mewl, fingers tangling in his hair. “Shit, please—”
“I know.” He leaves another kiss to the inside of your arm before he smacks your left ass cheek. “I got you, Princess. S’okay. Keep going.”
You grind yourself over his lap, knees hugging his waist as you bury yourself in the crook of his neck. Needy. Anxious. You match each other’s rhythm and it’s a dance. An effortless fluidity that brings you closer than ever before.
Then, he sucks two fingers into your mouth, and moves them between your cheeks. He grazes them over your tighter hole, gently teasing them over the other entrance before dropping them down to where his cock is fucking into your cunt. He plays with you a bit, pushing you just a bit closer while you wail—depraved—and beg for more.
“My good girl,” he praises. He spanks you again. “Fuck—that’s it, baby.”
Your staccato whimpers are consistent now. One for every thrust and you can almost taste his desperation as he turns his head in order to kiss your cheek. The sound of skin against skin is crude and delicious. The way your body slides against his. Like butter on a hot day, melting together.
He goes faster, pulls you harder. Fingers digging into your skin so hard it almost hurts. But in the best possible way. In turn, you brace yourself with a palm on his throat. Squeezing it tight as you start to get closer. 
“Yeah,” he groans. “Shit…harder—”
You obey, pinching the sides of his neck until his eyes roll back. 
You can feel his heart racing against yours. You’re both warm. Hot. Shaking. A tangled mess of limps and depraved grinding like animals in heat.
“M’almost…m’almost there,” you whisper.
He nods, looking down your body to watch the way your ass bounces in his hands. “Go. S’okay, go. Let me feel you.”
He leaves more kisses to your side and the tender way his lips feel against your skin makes your brain go fuzzy. 
You grip his throat a bit tighter and just like that…it’s over.
The two of you cum together, the room filling with moans and gasps and promises. He settles beneath you while you ride out the rest of your high but he makes sure to keep his arm around you through every second.
Once you finally catch your breath, he hums. “God-fucking-damn.”
You grin. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He turns to see you. “I think I’m pregnant.”
You roll your eyes with a swat to his chest but you’re laughing. “You’re so annoying.”
“And yet you still like me.”
“I never said that.”
“You said I’m your favorite person.”
“Yeah, well, I lied.”
“Right.” He helps you ease him out before he’s flipping you around and moving himself between your legs.   
You blink. “What the hell are you doing?”
He lifts two fingers and eases them along your swollen pussy. Collecting the white, sticky substance already leaking out before easily pushing it back in.
“Harry,” you scold. “I think we’ve had enough breeding for one day.”
He smirks. “Relax, Tink, m’not breeding you. I just…like to see it drip out.”
Your heart leaps. “…oh.”
“Yeah.” He rests his cheek against the inside of your thigh in order to watch. “S’always so fucking pretty.”
You reach down and card your fingers through his sweaty curls. Happy and content for the first time in days.
He looks up. “One day,” he promises, even though it sounds more like a question.
But somehow, in this moment, it makes everything else worth it.
You grin.
“One day.”
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AAA I can’t believe we finally did it!! I’m not gonna lie them being soft with each other is gross 😭 BUT ALSO CUTE!! YAY PROGRESS!!
Thank you so much for reading and for always being so nice!! 🥹💞💞 and of course thank you for the amazing idea hehe
Also, if you see any mistakes……no you don’t 🫶
~  Full 404 Masterlist
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tender-rosiey · 1 year ago
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“A BIT GENTLER, PLEASE?”
— gojo, nanami, geto, and sukuna feeling their baby kick (f!reader)
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GOJO SATORU:
satoru was always all over you, one clingy and affectionate husband.
truthfully, while you would like to say that he is annoying and is making you regret ever getting pregnant, you have to admit that he makes being pregnant a lot easier to endure. his light-hearted way of speaking puts you at easy somehow.
he also made it very obvious that he is excited for the baby, maybe even more than you’re. one of the many ways he shows his enthusiasm is through buying baby clothes and baby equipment and I mean a shit ton of them.
that’s why you’re not surprised when he enters the house with yet another batch of baby clothes, “wifey, I am home!”
you get up and waddle your way to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “what did you get this time?”
“I thought you would never ask,” he smirks before pulling out each and every one of the outfits he got.
you’re sat on the couch with a cup of your favorite warm drink as you listen to his rambles, “first off, I got this really cute blue dress! call it a dad’s instinct but I think she will have my gorgeous eyes,” he grins.
you nod absentmindedly as he continues, “second, I got this yellow jump suit? overalls? dungarees?” he switches his accent in the end and you roll your eyes. he resumes, “eh, I don’t care, but it’s pretty so who cares?”
he puts the clothes aside before kneeling in front you, hand resting on your stomaxh, “right, baby?” he coos, “daddy’s going to get you all the pretty outfits you want!”
you’re about to drift to sleep while your husband busies himself with the baby, but you’re quickly brought back to consciousness when you feel her kick against your stomach.
your husband’s gasp quickly follows after before he presses his ear to your stomach, “can you do that again for me, pretty?”
his other hand moves to hold your own and he guides your hand to his hair, “somehow, this is making me realize just how close she is to finally join us, right, wifey?”
“right, ‘toru,” you smile softly and he quickly starts peppering your face with kisses, murmuring about how his pretty wife is simply irresistible.
NANAMI KENTO:
whenever someone asks you about kento, you can’t find the words to stress just how much of a sweetheart he is. he was always a caring and attentive man.
yet, somehow it amplified after your pregnancy: he helps you rest as much as he can, cooks for you, and gets you all the snacks you would like.
you also remember the first time you told him that your feet hurt, and he ended up massaging it for you. you cried that day.
in summary, he never left you in need of anything, like right now for example.
“y/n, would you like anything else?”
a dopey smile is plastered on your face as you relax further in the cushions, feet propped up on the pillow your sweetheart of a husband got.
he places your favorite snacks right by your side. you cup his face and press a lingering kiss on his cheek, “no, thank you, kento.”
he nods and takes a seat beside you. he takes your hand into his and starts rubbing your hand, “we should start preparing the baby’s room,” he murmurs softly.
you nod, head resting on his shoulder, “you’re right. we need to welcome our little princess well.”
he chuckles and his hand moves to rest on your stomach, “I assembled the crib already so that’s something to be proud of.”
nanami’s arm is wrapped around your shoulder and you snuggle closer into his chest, giggling, “my strong, independent, and reliable husband,” you sigh happily, “whatever will I do without you?”
he half-heartedly rolls his eyes, “flattery is getting you nowhere.”
“but it does!” you laugh and he lightly tickles you. your hand rests on your stomach, alongside his. you smirk, “what do you think, baby? is mommy right?”
to your absolute delight, the little girl kicks against your womb making you squeal and instantly look at your husband, “kento, did you feel that?!”
“…yeah,” his face is one of awe. she kicks once again and nanami can’t help but press a kiss to your stomach, “looks like she is a strong, healthy baby.”
 “just like her dad,” you chuckle but stop to think about it for a moment before concern over takes your face.
nanami’s gaze quickly snaps to you, “what’s wrong?”
“if she will be as strong as you then god help my uterus.”
GETO SUGURU:
geto gets a little busy at times, but he does do his best to make time for you.
in addition to that, nanako and mimiko love hanging out with you so it kind of puts him at ease, knowing that you’re accompanied by someone.
today, he was doing some of his usual works in the establishment? shrine? eh whatever.
no fiber of his being expected the girls to burst into the room, grins filling their faces, as they urgently call him, “geto-sama! you have to see what just happened!”
with no hesitation, he abandons the followers and quickly follows the girls. he asks them, voice laced with concern, “is y/n okay? did something happen?”
the girls giggle as they finally near your room. mimiko speak up, “she is okay! but something important really did happen!”
somehow, it sends geto more into panic, because just what happened and why is it so important to the point they had to call him?
after a while, they are finally there, and geto wastes no time in sitting by your side, hands and eyes inspecting your body for an injury.
you giggle, “’calm down, suguru,” you take his hand and guide it to your stomach, “can you feel it?”
“feel it? what do you mean—“ he pauses upon the little kick against his palm. he smiles, actually grins, quietly before looking you in the eyes.
you nod with a smile of your own, while he leans down to kiss your stomach then your hand.
he rests his head against your stomach, “how are you, little buddy?”
geto chuckles softly, “better not cause trouble for your pretty mom,” his eyes lock with yours, “I hate to see her in pain or discomfort.”
you roll your eyes before patting your husband’s head, “you’re quite the charmer, aren’t you?”
“I would rather only charm you, y’know,” he chuckles.
the both of you completely forget about the pair of girls standing at the door way, each snapping a bunch of photos of the moment in front you.
nanako snickers a little before teasing, “that line was a bit cheesy, no?”
he quirks an eyebrow at them and they quickly flee away. with a soft sigh and a gentle chuckle, he goes back to admiring you, hand rubbing circles on your stomach.
RYOMEN SUKUNA:
it’s safe to say that sukuna was surprised with the news of your pregnancy, but he came to terms with it quicker than you expected.
he just had to sit with himself a bit and understand that the ‘brat’ in you was his ‘brat’ as well.
he also found himself staring at your stomach longer than he would like. he started to really think about how life will go on from this point onwards.
he is a feared man, the king of curses, with no weaknesses to ever exploit.
that is until you came into his life. he grew fond of you and the rest is history. right now, though, you’re carrying his child.
after a long day, he finally enters your chambers and finds you fast asleep.
he guesses that carrying a child of his own must be more exhausting than that of a normal man. his feet take him to you and his figure towers over your sleeping form.
he watches your expression contort ever so slightly as you stir, perhaps in seek of your comfort.
he sits by your side and his hand traces your every feature, nails slightly grazing you but never hurting you. finally, it reaches your stomach and he frowns lightly.
he sighs, “just what the hell am I going to do with you?”
he feels a light kick against his palm.
his eyes widen at the movement and his hand involuntary presses against your stomach once more, wanting to feel the kick once again. he narrows his eyes, “what? you think that light kick is fit for the kid of the king of curses?”
as if understanding what he said, the baby delivers one rough and tough kick to your abdomen. you wince and whine at the pain, “sukuna, don’t be mean to the baby…”
“I am not trying to, woman,” he grumbles, “that kid is just short-tempered.”
sukuna is sporting quite the frown but it doesn’t stop his hand from massaging your stomach and you hum in content before sassing him, “oh wow, I wonder where did he get that from.”
you squeak as you feel a pinch to your side. you glare at sukuna who glares at you back before replying, “he got it from one stubborn woman who happens to be mine.”
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copyright © tender-rosiey
do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
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hamilando · 4 months ago
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ੈ✩ My personal volkov (smau) ੈ✩
pairing : max verstappen x fem reader
summary : max verstappen got married, and his fiancé cannot stop sharing their twisted love
tw : suggestive, fluff
a/n : thank you so much to @amberjazmyn for suggesting this ! lysm 🫶🏻 also, if not obvious, the fic contains references of twisted love by Ana Huang 🫶🏻
·:。・゚゚・ ✩ ・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・ ・゚·:。・゚゚・ ✩ ・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・・゚·:。・゚゚・ ✩ ・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚
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liked by user1, user2, maxverstappen1, yncooper and 2,482,492 others
landonorris helping him take over the husband duties
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fransisca.gnomes good job with the ring max 🌟💪🏻
maxverstappen1 your approval was only needed 🙄
maxverstappen1 aslo norris, I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THE PICTURES, I was supposed to announce MY ENGAGEMENT
landonorris best friends right ? maxverstappen1 meet me in Abu Dhabi
user1 AHAHAHAHA
user2 MOM AND DAD ARE MARRIED
user3 MR AND MRS VERSTAPPEN !?
user4 I want to taste both max and the pasta he made -
charlesleclerc Y/N, you sure you want to deal with his anger issues for life !?
maxverstappen1 WHAT ANGER ISSUES!?
yncooper exactly the way you are screaming over text in CAPS
yncooper and yes Charles, those anger issues lead tobest fucking of my life
maxverstappen1 Y/N!? HELLO!?
charlesleclerc I regret saying anything
lewishamilton then please calm him before every race, this lad is climbing over my car every time 🫷🏻
georgerussell you are using an emoji !?
lewishamilton so what ? 🤺
georgerussell you need to learn the correct usage of them
user5 they forgot we can see this-
user6 the freakiness on public account !?
user7 I don’t even want to imagine the private -
user8 no worries, some nudes might be there 🍑
user9 BUNDA
user10 🗿💀
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liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, user1, user2, and 283,391 others
yncooper engaged men do it faster 😮‍💨🌟
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user1 yn never beating the freaky allegations
user2 I won’t be surprised if max whips out handcuffs
user3 they definitely spend millions on bdsm
user4 the dress has easier access-
user5 WHY ARE THE FANS MATCHING THE FREAKINESS !?
maxverstappen1 my skills were top notch since d1
yncooper true, best first date ever 🫶🏻
user6 YALL TELLING ME THEY GOT FREAKY ON FIRST DATE !?
user7 I won’t be surprised if they were just dating for 2 months
user6 surprisingly , they waited for two years 💀
user8 PROJECT VERSTAPPEN IS GOING TO HAVE SOME FINE LOOKS?
user9 blonde, blue eyes, rich parents, yup I would get my kid to befriend their kid
user10 their kid or befriend the kid’s parents 🗿
user11 MAX WINNING THE 100 WDC
user12 that’s biologically impossible 🦅
charlesleclerc do you both bother reading what your fans write ?
yncooper yes, sadly me and max don’t have twisted love
user13 DID SHE QOUTE TWISTED LOVE !?
user14 max and Alex volkov….
user15 THATS A SMASH
user16 I get a TMI every time she posts ✋🏻
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liked by maxverstappen, mclaren and 1,485,398 others
redbullracing the three aspects of happy married life “ Stress, tears and beer” 🍻
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user1 my wife said they quoted perfectly 🗿
user2 admin has marriage trauma
user3 admin got too real 💀
user4 max is going after the admin with a knife for posting that pic
user5 them crying on the altar 😭
user6 they are so cute 😭🥹
maxverstappen1 the middle and last picture is perfect ❤️
redbullracing the best for the best 🌟
ynverstappen my heart 🥹 thank you for capturing the sweet and teary moments ❤️
redbullracing welcome to red fam ❤️
user7 y/n chugging down beer is somehow the most y/n thing she could do
user8 max watching y/n chug down 10 glasses of beer be like-
landonorris @ mclaren will I also get such appreciation post on my wedding ?
mclaren a wedding needs two humans Lando
landonorris I have Oscar 🧡
mclaren kindly do not engage in spoiling Oscily 🧡
user9 WE SUPPORT OSCAR AND LILY
user10 admin shutting down lando for Oscar and lily 😭
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liked by maxverstappen, landonorris and 2,497,499 others
ynverstappen the eyes never lie, my Alex Volkov 💋
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carlossainz55 you both deserve the world ❤️
liked by ynverstappen
lewishamilton if you ever have marriage troubles, just call me up
maxverstappen1 says the unmarried virgin man
ynverstappen the person staying virgin for the next few month would you max and THANK YOU LEWIS FOR THE LOVELY GIFT 🫶🏻
lewishamilton your welcome yn ❤️
charlesleclerc what did he give …..
ynverstappen Cheval Blanc 1947
charlesleclerc Lewis, I am your teammate, I deserve that too 🫶🏻
landonorris you managed to click a photo max without his racing suit …
ynverstappen I have a whole album ..?
landonorris send me few
ynverstappen nude, semi-nude, shirtless or with clothes ?
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3dbillcipher · 4 months ago
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HELP ME GIVE MY PUPPETS TO ALEX HIRSCH
(EDIT: I have an address, these guys are going to Alex soon!!!)
Hey guys, 3dbillcipher's creator here.
I have to move to another country in the next 4 months and I can't take my Gravity Falls puppets that I built in 2016 with me.
For those that haven't seen them, these are my puppets:
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Right now my choices are:
Throw Bill, Stan and Ford into the trash.
Give them away to any other fan that is willing to take them (hopefully someone who will use them for something fun that can be shared with the rest of the fandom, and not just hoard them in a box.)
Try to somehow reach Alex and send them to him, assuming he wants them. We know that he seems to like puppets, so I hope that he'd want these. I even know that he's seen the Bill puppet at least once, because he retweeted a photo of it one time.
For Alex, I'd be willing to pay for whatever the shipping costs (I know it'll probably be a lot). For anyone else, I'd have to think about it and try to negotiate the best way to get the puppets to them.
Anyway... please boost the hell out of this! If enough people reblog on Tumblr, if it spreads to other social media like Twitter or Reddit (here's the tweet about it, if you want to boost that), maybe I can reach Alex and I can repay a fraction of the joy that Gravity Falls has brought to my life by giving him a little something. And if not Alex, maybe I can find a good home for my puppets with someone else.
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mossy-rock-in-a-field · 11 months ago
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Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.
Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:
She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.
She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.
Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.
She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.
She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.
She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.
We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)
She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)
She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.
She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.
I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.
anyway shout out to my mom for being neat
Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5
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bananami · 11 months ago
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A little couple's trivia with Nanami proves that he knows you all too well.
I did use the term wife and she/her pronouns just as a brief cw. The whole thing is just fluff. Nanami is in love with you. That's the whole things.
(I am delulu and in love with this man. Hope this helps us all heal. He is alive and well and no one can convince me otherwise. Also I love including Gojo's dumbass in everything. Also Yuji is a sweetheart and Nanami's son basically.)
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"Please?" You're practically begging your husband, who doesn't seem to be budging.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Yeah Nanamin-"
"Don't call me that." Nanami cuts Gojo off immediately.
"But Yuji calls you that!"
"That's different." He glares at the white haired man like he's trying to eviscerate him with just his eyes. "And I'm not playing some stupid game just to prove how well I know my wife." He tries to pay attention to the paperwork in front of him again, wanting to finish it before 5pm. Because there was no way he was working overtime again today.
"Scared?" Gojo baited him. "Afraid I'm gonna ask you a question that's just too hard?"
"Gojo, there is nothing you could ask me about my wife that I wouldn't be able to answer."
A few of the students sat around watching the two go back and forth, inevitably waiting for Nanami to either get so annoyed that he walked away, or to take the bait. They hoped for the latter.
"Prove it! Or you forfeit your marriage."
"That's not how that works."
"C'mon Nanamin, it's just a game." Yuji gives the blonde sorcerer a sincere smile, hoping to lighten the mood and sway his decision just a bit.
"Don't call him Nanamin, Yuji- OW." Gojo is cut off as Nanami reaches over and smacks him in the head with the papers in his hand.
"Don't tell him what to do." Nanami sighs and rubs at his temple. He looks at the clock, then at you. It's the look in your eyes that gives way to his final decision. "Fine. You have until that clock reads 5, and then I'm taking my wife and we're going home."
Gojo wastes no time. "Who is your wife's favorite person? And think before you say yourself because-"
"Itadori. Next question."
"I'm your favorite person?!" Yuji jumps from his seat, latching his arms around you for a hug. It's obvious from the way that you smile and hug him back that Nanami is probably definitely right. You had a soft spot for the kid since you met him, playfully telling everyone that you and Nanami had basically adopted him since he arrived at Jujutsu High. Nanami would probably never verbalize it, but you could tell he felt the same about the boy.
"Ok, ok. Next question." Gojo thought hard before coming up with it. "How does your wife take her coffee?"
"She doesn't drink coffee."
"Yes she does, I bring her some like every morning."
"And she gives that coffee to me because she doesn't like it."
"You're telling me I've been buying you coffee this entire time?"
"I make her tea every morning when we get to work. You hand her the coffee, we trade cups. I don't understand how you've stared right at us when we do it and you somehow haven't noticed."
"Ok, then what tea does she drink?"
"Earl Grey, three sugars, a little bit of milk at the top. She'll say she's ok with English Breakfast or Lady Earl Grey if they're out of the regular. She's not, she's just being polite. She'll drink half and throw it away when she thinks no one is looking."
Gojo groans, not having as much fun as he thought he was going to at the beginning of all of this. "And I just bet you have a contingency plan for when your wife doesn't get her tea, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he ignores the even louder groan from Gojo, "I walk across the street to the cafe that sells her favorite pastries and I buy her five because I know that she'll want to share with her students and she'll try to split one with me even if I refuse. They have teabags they leave out so long as you're ordering something. Earl Grey, always in stock."
"Adorable." Gojo rolls his eyes.
"You're so smart, Nanamin!" Yuji jumps in. "Let me ask one! What's her favorite color?"
"Yuji, that's too easy."
"Yellow."
"Ohhhh, mine too," Yuji says, "why yellow?"
"Because it's-" Nanami stops mid-sentence and looks at the clock, like it will give him an excuse. Almost. "We don't need to worry about the why, that wasn't the original question."
Gojo perks up, clearly realizing he'd struck a nerve. And he was ready to work it. The red dusting across Nanami's cheeks told him everything he needed to know. "Are you embarrassed, Nanami?"
"Shut up, Gojo."
"Or do you just not know the answer? It's ok if you don't, I guess you just don't know your wife as well as you thought you did."
"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to tell everyone about the one time in high school when you and Geto got caught in the-"
"OK!" Gojo turns back to the students and motions them toward the door. "Time to go! Don't you all have something better to do? Go be little trouble makers somewhere. Go TP Yaga's lawn or something. Get out of here."
He'd ushered everyone out except Yuji, who stayed behind to wait for you and Nanami. The boy shyly looked away as you kissed Nanami's cheek before standing up, stating you just needed to grab your bag before you could leave.
Yuji waited for you to exit the room before he asked. "Is it because of your hair?"
Nanami sighs. "What makes you think that?"
Yuji just shrugs. "She loves you. Answers don't always need a complex reason."
Nanami can't help the smile that graces his face. "You're a smart kid sometimes, you know that?"
"That's why I'm her favorite!" His goofy nature is back in an instant. "Can I come over for dinner again tonight?"
"Of course you can."
"Can I stay over?"
"If you'd like to."
"Can I pick the movie we watch?"
"Don't push your luck."
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