#can u tell i've been holding this in for like 8+ months

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 21/01/2024

8​-​bit Fish With Dreams

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume AI Also on: I JUST WANNA DO CATCH SOME FISHS

Ripped by l4ureleye

"This one's for you, buddy."

There's a time and place for everything, and honestly, right now really isn't the time for me to recount everything surrounding Marrow's place in the channel's history again. I've covered tributes to the ripper twice in the past, once with the heartachingly beautiful Telling Fish Tales, and later in the bittersweet cheerfulness of Turnabout Fishters. I won't repeat myself all too much here, so I suggest you read up on those posts if you're out of the loop in regards to StreetPass Fishing's place on the channel. And so, to round this topic off for the foreseeable future, we have 8​-​bit Fish With Dreams - one more tribute, yet one that seems to come from a rather personal place.

Honestly, in the recent months, in my time doing this blog, it's been a bit...strange, slowly assimilating into the more active parts of the SiIva community. I've said it a few times before, but before making this blog I was effectively nothing but a very invested observer - I kept my interest in the channel almost entirely to myself beyond leaving a couple of YouTube comments. That has left me out of the loop on occasion, primarily with in-jokes spawned from the SiIvaGunner Discord, yet I was content in knowing that I didn't really...have much of anything to contribute. And its with that preface said that I need to clarify once again that, I don't truly know much of any details regarding people's relations to one another in the SiIvaGunner team. Nowadays, with this blog and all, I've had the opportunity to finally talk with members of the team and other fans on a regular basis, and it's been a ton of fun - yet, I'll never know firsthand just how much Marrow meant to people. And honestly, its not exactly something that concerns me to begin with - it's not my feelings to hold.

Yet, the beautiful thing about music, about art in general, is that feelings that can be so hard to convey properly through words, through stories, through recollections and retellings, can be encapsulated so perfectly within a piece. And that is represented so beautifully within every single part of 8​-​bit Fish With Dreams. It's not a flashy tribute, nor some huge collaborative sendoff - but what is is, feels like a deeply personal arrangement made out of pure love. l4ureleye applies her signature flair and expertise for creating soothing, healing soundscapes in arranging 8-bit Kids with Dreams, an under-the-radar song made by fellow chiptune artist jankybit. Past the initial minute-long opening fakeout, so few parts of the original Beauford Pond remain, yet it still manages to feel...at home, with StreetPass Fishing's other music. It asks you not to be excited, nor to cry, but rather just invites you to sit by and enjoy the ride. As was the case with the original 8-bit Kids with Dreams, it feels like a gift made from one friend to another, a toast in their honor.

I really do not wish to intrude on the lives and mental states of these rippers to any degree - yet there's little I can do to avoid being emotionally affected by rips like 8​-​bit Fish With Dreams. As is the case with art as a whole, any rip made is inevitably going to feel like it has a piece of its ripper imbued into it. And its the ones where you can feel that most, the rips that feel almost like hearing one side to a conversation, waiting for an answer, that always end up sticking with me longest. Those are the rips like 8-bit Fish With Dreams, by rippers like l4ureleye.

"u cast your line at me when I needed it most, and helped pull me out from the murky depths of my anxiety and self loathing. I needed a friend like you, and I'm glad I got to have that. Hopefully I was good to you too, u more than deserve it. Rest easy gamer"

[webslingingslasher]

what is ur first time high story ?

LMAO-

i didn't smoke weed until i graduated high school, so there i am w my certified stoner brother, and he's holding the pipe and the lighter, and he says, (cause i never really smoked at this point) 'i'm gonna light this and you gotta inhale,' and so, i do it.

so i hit the bowl twice and nothing, cause i'm expecting some dramatic 'oh shit! it hit!' moment. but on the third one i inhale, pull away and my brother says, 'breathe in through your nose' and lemme tell u what. i coughed my whole ass lung out, and he's nodding his head like, 'there you go. if ur not coughing ur not inhaling'

the SECOND i stopped coughing... holy shit.

i slumped in my seat, arms GLUED to the arm rests. it literally felt like my entire body was a sandbag.

i remember saying, 'you know how the world is contantly spinning on it's axsis? i can literally feel it right now.'

then, i couldn't stop laughing, and i saw a spider forming a web and was entranced like i was on acid.

then, i was hungry so i had my first ever munchy moment.

i ate:

an entire sleeve of kit-kats.

french onion dip.

and 8 slices of bacon. i was vegetarian at the time. my mom was so hesitant cause she was like, 'i don't want you to regret this' and i was like, 'no regret, please pork.'

also kept thinking i was falling asleep or had fallen asleep.

actually wasn't a huge fan and did it like 6-8 months after that and since then i've been a pot head woo.

OH AND THE COTTON MOUTH??? ON GOD IT STILL ATTACKS ME.

[ozziesjester]

You can post about your FNAF s/I if you want, this is your blog and you can do whatever you want forever.

god anon. u are so correct. how could i have been so foolish.

okay. here goes nothing. i dont think ive ever tried to write all this down before...

this is bryce! he's my fnaf s/i! i've spent about 5-ish years coming up with his lore... he was a joint effort to create between me and my partners!!

bryce is... unfortunate. he's an unfortunate child. born to a bastard priest and his underage child bride, i can't really say he's ever had it easy. his mother "disappeared" shortly after his birth, leaving him in the care of his father, who believed him to be an illegitimate child.

why? who knows, man. crazy ass delusions or something. this led him to severely mistreat bryce. he WAS, at least, allowed to attend the christian elementary school his father taught at. every single attempted cry for help was gone ignored due to his father's reputation. and it didn't help that every friend he made seemed to mysteriously go missing.

i'd say this continued until around... 7? maybe 8 years old? for the first time ever, he was allowed to attend a classmate's birthday party. for timeline's sake, i wanna say it would've been at the fnaf 2 location? you can probably see where i'm going with this.

there, he would've met william. likely sought out by the man when he detached from the larger group of children. a conversation was struck up - during which, bryce would offhandedly comment on his father's abuse. this catches william's attention, and the boy is swiftly whisked away from the restaurant to take a vacation in will's basement.

from this point on, a large portion of his time was spent in the cellar of the afton house. terrified at first, eventually, he adjusted surprisingly well to the situation. it wasn't like william hurt him very often, and at least he was being fed while in captivity. he tried to be the perfect little kidnapee, in hopes that maybe he'd be allowed to live.

months pass. though the passage of time is hard to tell when you can't see sunlight, so bryce isn't sure exactly how long he's been trapped there. as per usual, will brings breakfast down into the cellar for him. but this time around, there's something different about him. as he sets the plate on the floor, he promises a surprise for the boy.

bryce holds out hope that this will be his chance to escape. so, for the rest of the day, he's excited.

that is, until william arrives in the basement once more. he's dragging something behind him, and it thuds heavily against the stairs with every step.

he pulls it into bryce's view. and simply informs him that it's his rotten father, drugged up and stuffed inside a body bag. and that it's going to be his responsibility to kill him.

"i only thought it would be fitting for him to be your first." without another word, he unzips the bag and drops a knife into the kid's hands.

simply put, in that moment, something inside bryce snaps. the sight of his abuser's face, the weight of the knife in his hand (perhaps something to do with being kidnapped for several months, too)... when he finally comes to, he's hunched over what used to be his father, staring deadpan into a face so badly mutilated he can't distinguish its features anymore. will's hand clasps over his shoulder, and from that moment on, bryce is his apprentice, intended to continue his work after william eventually dies.

after this, things get a little hazy... at some point, vanessa (who is jeremy's daughter, around 5 years younger than bryce) moves into the afton house. this is the first time bryce has been around someone he has ANY sort of power dynamic over, and needless to say he takes advantage of it.

kid's got issues. like, major emotional regulation issues. take one look at william and tell me he knows how to raise a healthy child, especially one he's forcing to kill people. this should be a no brainer.

finally having the upper hand for once in his pathetic miserable life, he proceeds to torment the shit out of vanny. just, in every way imaginable. this is around the time he's going through puberty, and he is just full of teenage testosterone rage. maybe he's just mad he thinks she's cute. i dunno. this sort of plants the seed of a full-blown obsession with vanny, though.

things are majorly fuzzy for a lot of the time after, but he bulks up a lot and grows to be a Very Large Adult Man. he goes a little awol after will's "death" and leaves home to continue his work elsewhere. but he DOES dedicate a lot of his spare time to tracking down and stalking vanessa. puppy love that never went away i suppose.

aaaanndd that's all i have the energy to talk about! whew!!! if you made it this far thank you for reading i love you ahaha

[halloweendeity]

Hello, blessed mutual. I would very much like to hear your Spotify 1-100!!

Like, all of them ??🥺🥺🥺 hi I love you <3 <3

Below the cut because it will be long~ top 100 + fave lyric !

1. Tangerine - Glass Animals

"But I love it when the light sits on you just right, tiny tangerine speckles painted in your eyes"

2. Heat Waves - Glass Animals 

"Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June"

3. It's called: Freefall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

"Called to the devil and the devil said hey, why you been calling this late?" 

4. Hot Air Balloon - Owl City

"We wrote a prelude to our own fairy tale, and bought a parachute at a church rummage sale, and with a mean sewing machine and miles of thread, we sewed the day above L.A. in navy and red"

5. Toes - Glass Animals

"’All I ever want is breaking me apart,’ I said to the thing that I once was"

6. Steady As She Goes - Sky Sailing 

"What lies out there, no one knows, the tide could bring in anything so steady as she goes"

7. You - Regard, Troye Sivan, Tate McRae

"I see your face in every stranger, everywhere I go"

8. Fireflies - Owl City

"Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance" 

9. Gooey - Glass Animals 

"Hold my hand and float back to the summertime, tangled in the willows, now our tongues are tied. How can I believe you? How can I be nice?"

10. Do I Wanna Know - Artic Monkeys 

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week." 

11. Someone Else's Dream - Absofacto

"Would it even wake you if I fall?"

12. The Saltwater Room - Owl City

"So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love? All the time, all the time."

13. Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Glass Animals

"Where'd you get the gun from, eh? Really think that metal's gonna make you safe, playing peek-a-boo with the devil these days" 

14. Humility - Gorillaz ft. George Benson

"And if you're coming back to find me, you better have good aim"

15. Alaska - Sky Sailing 

"I was on my way to a brighter day I'm still chasing around, but somehow I believe that this is home"

16. Tidal Wave - Owl City 

"It hurts just to wake up whenever you're wearing thin"

17. Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth - Glass Animals

"Its chemical warfare, red lips and television eyewear, raspberry soda hair"

18. Dissolve - Absofacto

 "Your voice like an angel, been chain-smoking all month long, like you're someone I believe in"

19. Jasey Rae (Acoustic) - All Time Low

"Call me a name, kill me with words, forget about me, its what I deserve"

20. Rainbow Veins - Owl City

"Clearly I am a passerby, but I'll find a place to stay, dear Pacific day won't you take me away"

21. Agnes - Glass Animals 

"You're gone but you're on my mind, I'm lost but I don't know why"

22. Home - Morgxn

"Take me back home, where the blood runs through my soul, I can't describe it, theres nothing like it."

23. Captains of the Sky - Sky Sailing

"I woke up beneath the flight deck on the wallpaper airplane, as you stare, I strap my helmet on and leave your driveway behind"

24. On The Wing - Owl City

"I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you, awake to take in the view"

25. Your Love (Déjà Vu) - Glass Animals

"I can feel your love, your temporary touch, its a hit and run"

26. Sunflower - Post Malone, Swae Lee

"You're the sunflower, I think your love would be too much"

27. Violet City - Mansionair

"I can't help myself, the moment that I let it go is when I find I'm in control, in control"

28. Alligator Sky (No rap version) - Owl City 

"Let's hear it for the universe, where it never hurts diving in head first"

29. Church - Fall Out Boy ft. Nothing, Nowhere

"If you were church, I'd get on my knees, confess my love, I'd know where to be, my sanctuary, you're holy to me"

30. R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys

"She's a silver lining, lone ranger riding through an open space in my mind when she's not right there beside me"

31. Astronaut (Something About Your Love) - Mansionair

"Right now, I'm feeling like an astronaut, I fade into the thought of coming back to you"

32. Swimming In Miami - Owl City

"I'm alone above the atmosphere and no one looking up can find me here cause I can close my eyes and disappear"

33. Jet Pack Blues - Fall Out Boy

"She's in a long black coat tonight, waiting for me in the downpour outside, she's singing baby come home in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time"

34. Mr. Blue - Catherine Feeny

"So I'll leave you with a smile, kiss you on the cheek and you will call it treason"

35. A Little Opera Goes a Long Way - Sky Sailing

"I'll save you an echo from the hall"

36. The Technicolor Phase - Owl City

"If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars"

37. Nevermind - Dennis Lloyd

"What if I left and it made no sense and you tell your friends and they hold your hands, baby, nevermind, nevermind"

38. Helium - Glass Animals

 "My momma said there used to be white pyramids, they float above the sand they're slowly sinking in, are our foundations destined to keep crumbling?"

39. Take Me Somewhere Nice - Sky Sailing 

"I can think of a thousand ways to get good and lost beyond these hopeless days"

40. Sunburn - Owl City

"We both put our sunblock on, laid on the beach and vowed that we'd live and we'd learn, yeah, but she got a tan and I got a sunburn"

41. From Eden - Hozier

"Babe, there’s something tragic about you"

42. Los Ageless - St. Vincent

"In Los Ageless, the waves they never break, they build and build until you don't have no escape"

43. Brielle - Sky Sailing

"Breathing the sweet forest air makes the bluebird aware that she could be free"

44. Cave In - Owl City

"I'll keep my helmet on just in case my head caves in, cause if my thoughts collapse or my framework snaps it'll make a mess like you wouldn’t believe"

45. Back Down - Bob Moses

"You and I turned away from the promise to try, you and I found our faith in the will of a lie"

46. Cherry Wine - Hozier

"Her fight and fury is fiery, oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing, sweet and right and merciful, I'm all but washed in the tide of her breathing. And it's worth it, its divine"

47. Easy - Troye Sivan 

"This house is on fire, burning the tears right off my face, what the hell did we do? tell me we'll make it through"

48. Panda Bear - Owl City

"On houses and building tops, I swallowed the beams and sun drops, if my echoes could reach your ears then I could save my calls"

49. Girl That You Love - Panic! At the Disco 

"So what does that make god to the girl that you love?"

50. Sedated - Hozier 

"I'm somewhere outside my life babe, I keep scratching but somehow, I can't get in"

51. Someone Else - Rezz, Grabbitz

"I never thought I'd see the day I'd see you as somebody I could hate, but I guess that's just the price I pay for the blood-red flags that I walked past every day"

52. Back Home - Owl City ft. Jake Owen

"I've got aching feet from walking over miles of concrete and I can't wait to dream, but the city, you know she won't go to sleep"

53. Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys 

"When the winter's in full swing and your dreams just aren't coming true, ain't it funny what you'll do?"

54. Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

"Be still my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me"

55. Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson 

"And then I crawl back to the life that I said I wasn't living"

55. If my Heart was a House - Owl City 

"All my clothes smell like you, cause your favorite shade is navy blue"

56. Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos

"There will come a poet whose weapon is his word, he will slay you with his tongue"

57. Drops of Jupiter - Train

 "Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair, she acts like summer and walks like rain, reminds me that there's time to change"

58. Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier

"All the things yet to come, all the things that have passed, like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass"

59. Designer Skyline - Owl City

"Collections of books and documents arise and parade around my cluttered desk, reworking the math and measurements, until I'm convinced these plans are picturesque, like mountains in the Midwest"

60. Big Mouth - Citizen 

"You have stolen all my time but its out (And we fall right into line) now I'll give you what I think you deserve (and spit it right out your mouth)"

61. C'mon - Fun., Panic! At The Disco

"If I should die tonight, may I first just say I'm sorry for I never felt like anybody"

62. Shrike - Hozier

"The words hung above, but never would form, like a cry at the final breath that is drawn. Remember me love, when I am reborn as a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn"

63. Dementia - Owl City ft. Mark Hoppus 

"Big surprise, I'm a ghost keeping out of sight. Rub your eyes, you're a star in the summer night"

64. Roam With You - Grabbitz 

"I'm perfect on my surface but it's worthless if you're not around"

65. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High - Arctic Monkeys

"Now its three in the morning and I'm trying to change your mind, left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply, 'why'd you only call me when you're high?'"

66. Talk - Hozier 

"I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found, I'd be the choiceless hope and grief that drove him underground, I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around, and I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice"

67. I'll Meet You There - Owl City 

"Oh, I tend to disappear, here and there"

68. Dear Agony (Aurora Version) - Breaking Benjamin ft. Lacey Sturm 

"Dear agony, just let go of me"

69. Smells like Teen Spirit - Malia J (cover, original by Nirvana) 

"I'm worst at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed"

70. Jackie and Wilson - Hozier 

"We tried the world, good god, it wasn’t for us"

71. To The Sky - Owl City

"Awake the stars cause they're all around you"

72. Pompeii - Bastille

"But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does is almost feel like you've been here before?"

73. Trampoline - Shaed

"When I dream of dying, I never feel so loved"

74. Preach - Saint Motel

"You gotta say nothing too specific, you know I'll get it anyway"

75. Air Traffic - Owl City

"Let the noise sing you to sleep in my arms, if you awake before we arrive, I will carry you down and I won't make a sound"

76. Death Bed (Coffee for your Head) - Powful, Beabadoobee

"Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed, I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, I'll get you up and going out of bed"

77. In a Week - Hozier ft. Karen Cowley 

"And they'd find us in a week, when the buzzards get loud. After the insects have made their claim, after the foxes have known our taste, after the raven has had its say, I'd be home with you, I'd be home with you"

78. Saturday Sun - Vance Joy

"Each line I read, she left her books in my bed and her song in my head, I've been undone"

79. Saltwater Heart - Switchfoot

"Well it's an abstract thought, but I've been thinking nonstop about the fact that my body's made most out of raindrops"

80. Stutter - Marianas Trench 

"And I'm begging you, bring me back to life, I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight."

81. Sunlight - Hozier

"Know that I would gladly be the Icarus to your certainty, oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

82. Cinnamon - Jome 

"It's a slow, cinnamon summer, your spell is pulling me under"

83. Bird With a Broken Wing - Owl City 

"To see the sun again, I'd give anything"

84. Demons - Hayley Kiyoko

"Don't bother me, my misery is holding me, won't let me speak"

85. Gloria - The Lumineers

"Gloria, they found you on the floor, Gloria, my hand was tied to yours, Gloria, did you finally see enough is enough?"

86. Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

"Breath me in, breathe me out, I don't know if I could ever go without watermelon sugar high"

87. Sorrow - Flyleaf

"Familiar breath of my old lies, change the color in my eyes"

88. Montero (Call me by Your Name) - Lil Nas X

"Call me by your name, tell me you love me in private, oh call me by your name, I do not care if you're lying"

89. The Hills - The Weeknd

"I only call you when it's half past five, the only time I'd ever call you mine"

90. Astronaut - Sir Sly

"I'm in the bathtub, swimming in lavender hymns, I'm discovering god and she is paper-thin"

91. Crazy Fishes - Bearcat

"I called you from the hospital, you didn't pick up the phone"

92. Moving in Place - Shauna Dean Cokeland

"Take me to the far side of the beach, before it falls into the ocean, before you notice I'm eroding"

93. Sailboats - Sky Sailing

"Sailplane pilot in the blue, take me up there with you, the world looks brighter from this high altitude"

94. Believe - Mumford and Sons 

"Say something, say something, something like you love me, like you want to move away from the noise of this place"

95. Angels - Owl City

"I've been sleeping with the nightlight unplugged, with a note on the rocking chair, that says 'I'm dreaming of the life I once loved, so wake me if you're out there'"

96. Would That I - Hozier

"True that I saw her hair like the branch of a tree, willow dancing on air before covering me, over gardens and calicos, over canopy dabbled long ago"

97. Somebody Else - The 1975 

"Our love has gone cold, you're intertwining your soul with somebody else"

98. Amaryllis - Shinedown

"So do I remind you of someone you never met, a lonely silhouette? And do I remind you of somewhere you wanna be, so far out of reach?"

99. Hospital Flowers - Owl City

"I survived a dreadful accident in the car crash of the century, my shattered hopes collapsed on cold cement, but in the back of the ambulance, I'd never felt so content"

100. Explorers - Sky Sailing

"The old world was dying while we took off flying, like peregrine falcons beneath the transparent blue waves, far below the surf, and we spent the hours with submarine flowers, I knew I'd remember that day in November as we felt alive again"

[chroniclesofaveganbodybuilder]

chronicles of a vegan bodybuilder (29/90)

'i'll b damned if i cannot dance w/ u'

– Beyoncé, "TEXAS HOLD EM"

"i fucking ruined my body... and it's too late for me"

This is my 2nd or 3rd week of being plant-based. for the last month or so i've incorporated dried mint into my heavy cannabis tobacco smoking routine. During the Beyoncé album tonight, off maybe 250/300mg of a gummy, the paranoia slash reality check kicked in especially as i tried to burn my lungs to innocent guitar strums from inside the hearts of children.

The vitality of Beyoncé as manifested through her restless creativity and emotional honesty put a mirror up to me and my life choices. My relationships, my work. i wrote this from inside service to all of you. By tagging COWBOY CARTER and being inspired to focus on my farming we tap in to take it to the stars. i'm lucky that i know enough from a past decade or so of health-consciousness to pivot. i have a link card. i have a free home & fresh food. by tapping in with this blog and within a bigger platform we all become stronger.

i most likely had non-vegan pizza during my plant-based time. i'd also like to cut out gluten. These are banal things that strike me now that i'm dying. My chest pounds, my canals weak, my eyes sunken, my face swollen, skin discolored. Like my friend before she died, like she was dying. From sadness? i don't know, bc i've been dying from sadness. In solidarity i tell myself. And so i die alone.

At least my grandfather had someone there. i'm going to get up and take my blood pressure in a bit.i'll do the things my peers are afraid to do. They've been smoking and drinking, ruining their bodies with my microplastics. Buying posion products in big plastic. From this point on, i'm counting my gains.

GAINS

LUNG HEALTH +60 min

TEETH HYGIENE +60min

ENVIRONMENTAL HYGIENE 0+

NOISE POLLUTION 0+

SOCIAL +1

LIVER +1

app tracks ur psoitive behavior like thatndonundont have to type

Don't spend all day typing either. Relish in simple reflections of real work & experiences* Go Live!

Give credit to everyone"what have i been doing to my beautiful body?" Make chamomile tea. Order ginger. Am i too late?Try again tomorrow... put it in your schedule! i've been abusing my body through executive dysfunction. All based around living out a hip-hop / rock n roll lifestyle as i dealt with the pressures of life. Now in the middle of the night, i wish as i come down, to get up and vacuum. Make GAINS in air quality. Make GAINS in tasks concerning water quality. And Medical Information. Yes, these are the things i should have done befofe i died. Now my thumbs are tired and my stomach is filled poison, my lungs are fried.

1:11 am

GAINS: 25+ deep breaths

8 BENEFITS

either take gluten out or possibly sub an herb in

1:23 am

sometimes breathing can be hard. but it's worth it. it's all we got.Poison in my hood. Poisoned by metal. What have i done to myself. i need a lung transplant fast. And i need to make a doctor's appointment. i could die any moment. i need to

GAINS

PHONE ADDICTION -50

DEEP BREATHS +100

Later...

The good news is: if this were a week ago i'd be binge drinking & eating dead animals covered in oil, grease, devoid of the green energy we share instead my muscles gently ache from my first workout in who knows how long (this blog knows)my teeth are healing and my lungs are working, i look forward to more questions and goals

Today's Question: What answers do i know so far?

Today's Goal: Two week tolerance break til 4/20

[raayllum]

Janai x Amaya

i am slightly gayer for janai because her character design is my favourite in the whole show and she’s a sword gay whereas amaya is a shield gay; that being said, this is the gayest amaya screencap be still my beating heart

also janai is my 2nd favourite minor character and while i don’t know where amaya falls ranking wise every time she’s on screen it’s a delight, so. one day i will write that meta about them i keep meaning to because even in a short amount of screentime they really are such a well developed pair with so much room to grow and i do have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it. i also feel very strongly about them having cats (one the big fire cat and one a small ordinary one) and happily ruling queen lux aurea together. and a couple of oneshots i want to write someday soon 👀

however sometimes i struggle with having inspiration/motivation to do jana.ya related projects bc of.... (and this got long and if you think it’s too long sucks to be you sweetie)

now, i���m sure that 98% of janai/amaya shippers are lovely, amazing people. and i’m not saying that the handful of shippers and their more general attitude that i dislike belongs to people who aren’t. i’m sure they’re great people! that just... isn’t reflected online. this is just what personally bothers me. 

the three issues i’m going to talk about also aren’t unique to the jan.aya corner either - also see it in some hardcore vi.ren stan corners and in other fandoms past. it may exist elsewhere in tdp fandom and i just don’t know (i curate the content i see heavily bc it’s my responsibility to handle my own online experience, so i’m surprised any of this even got through) but it is where i have seen it the most in the past, so:

1) consistent complaining. have you ever had a friend, or known a person, who complains about everything? even the things they’re supposed to like or say they enjoy? enough is never enough. and you can see this bias in particular because people will complain about things are either nonsensical (ie. the novelization not being written to your standards even tho you are 100% not the age demographic for it) or just being angry about things that aren’t true (i had it pointed out to me that someone complained about tdp’s head writer not doing a BLM livestream and like. she did. what are you doing with your life?)

and in fandom, this is a really counterproductive attitude to have. like, i have been in fandoms and watched legit core main characters be sidelined. i have been in fandoms where my ship didn’t get any screentime and wasn’t canon and wasn’t even popular fanon wise either. and they were het ships. and guess what? i didn’t complain, because i knew the story didn’t revolve around that relationship. i measured my expectations appropriately and learned to work with what i was given and i had a good time. you don’t always have to be angry.

and that’s not to say you can’t complain in fandom. that’s kinda what i’m doing right now! there are definitely things in fandom and canon for any material that can and should be called out. but like, if for some good reason, callum and rayla had completely separate arcs in s4 and barely had any screentime together next season, i’d be okay with it because i actually like/love everything else in the story. i’d learn to make it work. i didn’t complain. i’ve worked with otps that were just as big for me on even less. 

and this is just general like. if you spend over 50% of your time in a fandom being angry, you either need to channel your energy differently or you need to leave. they’re fictional characters. you’re a real person. it’s not worth it.

2) entitlement + superiority complexes. but from what i’ve seen, what a lot of this complaining stems from isn’t expectations, but entitlement. it’s the expectation that someone has to conform to whatever it is that you want because clearly, that’s the best content, and if they don’t, that’s a moral failing. and usually this is wrapped up into some kind of “wokeness”. janai/amaya are tdp’s best couple in terms of representation, no doubt. it’s something i’ve ever seen before, of a wlw interracial relationship between two women of colour, one of whom is also deaf. but that doesn’t actually mean they’re the best couple in the show, because that doesn’t exist. because there is no Best™ - there’s just your favourite, and that’s entirely subjective. 

but people want to feel good, and want to feel in control. that’s why i see this sort of entitlement most commonly in queer ships online by queer people, and i can see the routes of overcompensation it stems, because i’ve lived it. i’m queer too. and not only does it lead to a lot of asshole behaviour, but it’s also really isolating. there’s already a lot of issues with gatekeeping within the community, which boil down to people not being “gay” or “insert [x thing] here” enough, and not only is that one hell of a shitty feeling, but it can and absolutely exacerbated in fandom. how many times have you seen things of “maybe the hets do have rights ;)” or “i like this character too much so they have to bi” - how do you think that makes queer people who for whatever reason mostly have m/f ships feel? how do you think that makes people in “straight appearing relationships” like for trans straight people, enby couples, bi/pan/ace people, etc., feel? how do you think it makes bi people feel to know their identity is a consolation prize awarded to an otherwise straight character so they can be part of a same sex ship? what blind spots are you developing, such as actually talking about race in fandom which is still a massive topic and under-addressed issue, by privileging gender and ‘queer rep’ above all else?

if you honestly think an interracial m/f relationship between two cis characters doesn’t matter as much on a representational axis as two white same sex characters being in a relationship, then you actually need to re-evaluate. and then you need to remember that people ship dynamic over gender any day. if you make a purpose to consume diverse media, you’ll probably have more diverse ships. but unless someone doesn’t ship a queer ship specifically because it’s queer, then it’s not homophobia, and it’s not homophobic for people to share other fictional avenues in a fanon space with each other. 

aka read this post and then come back to me. also this post, if you’re curious as to how things got this way in the first place

but now onto the big one. 

3) anti shipping & fandom policing. the jan.aya corner is the only corner i see in the tdp fandom that has what we call antis. and before anyone gets up in arms about any of that (although realistically, if this bothers you, you’ve probably have already been bothered) read this post and then come back. there’s a lot more links to posts that have said it better than i ever could on their way. 

also keep in mind that i am an english major. i am getting a degree in how literature across like, the past 600+ years is discussed and how it impacts culture is literally what i write university level essays on and i’m an honours student. 

antis believe that there’s a certain moral standard we have to hold all media, included those that are created by teenagers for free on the internet to certain moral standards. often that certain ships are inherently problematic no matter the au or fanwork, or that characters being child soldiers are okay but if fictional teenagers think about sex? incorrigible. not only does any of this hold up under a microscope when you think about the purposes of fiction, exploration of the human condition, and more posts here, here, here, here, and HERE. if you only read one of these, have it be the last one.  

but because of this type of fandom policing, i was a questioning queer 16 year old who was called a homophobic pedophile by adults on the internet for which two fictional characters i thought would be cute together. that is not an exaggeration. that is literally what happened to me. i was a teenager being told by complete strangers what was okay or safe for me to look at it and none of them wondered how i was supposed to develop critical thinking skills, learn to cope with upsetting things in fiction that is decidedly a safer place to do so before i had to cope with upsetting things in real life, or the fact that sometimes, it really isn’t that deep and people do just want to have fun. by all means, disagree with me. i want you to think for yourself. 

and yeah, those people at the time didn’t know i was a minor. i’ve been very private about my personal information, including my age, online until very recently. but you cannot tell me those people were entitled to my age or any of my personal information to determine whether i was worthy of respect in order for me to able to write fucking fanfiction for a children’s cartoon show without having my entire morality put on the line. 

and the main reason why i hate seeing so many teenagers in particular be antis is because it forces them into a dangerous mindset that they have to share private, sensitive information about themselves in order to avoid harassment. that they feel shame for their preferences or ideas they want to explore in fiction, the shame that used to be given to people for their edgy Mary Sues, the people that are probably going through shit and don’t even know it and are trying work through it. you are not entitled to anyone’s personal information online. ever. especially people who will be hostile to you, otherwise, if you don’t give it. 

as someone who almost doubled majored in european history, and i know a lot of you are coming from a similar western background, current anti rhetoric and purity culture are like, three steps away from samuel johnson and puritan culture. and i would much, much rather have teenas writing smut about characters that are or they’ve made their age to explore that side of themselves in a safe place than have them engaging in sex themselves where there are actual fucking risks. 

this is not to say that no fanon material is ever worthy of critique or concern. racism should be called out. actual transphobia and homophobia should be called out. but let’s be honest: that’s not actually the conversation want to have.

antis want to stick their heads up their asses and argue that characters are frozen in time at a certain age (say 15 and 17 respectively) and if you dare picture them in their 30s and write smut of them then you are a terrible person who’s going to hurt “the children” even though you could easily be one of those “children” yourself and game of thrones fucking exists for mass consumption. but no. your enjoyment of something that’s ultimately harmless is the hill they wanna die on. 

anyway some more sections from other posts i agree with:

just realized the intersection of aphobia and purity culture, namely the aphobic claim that children and teens can’t/shouldn’t be thinking about sex and therefore can’t be asexual LINK

Antis have never once, to my knowledge, come up with a reasonable test for whether a work is “romanticizing” or “fetishizing” a topic, or treating it “properly”. They aren’t able to say how they’d ban “bad” works without also banning real, vital, and necessary works that let people recognize and talk about abuse and assault. We NEED to shift the conversation from getting rid of “bad” works to learning how to recognize, find, and create “good” ones.) LINK

“A blogging community of people who all grew up in conservative, christian America claim their hatred of deviant sexual interests has, quote, ‘nothing to do with all that’ [...] Some bloggers  reported that bullying was “actually okay” because the people bullied were all “weird and freaks”, some even added “they are looking for it, they deserve it”. None replied to the accusation of victim-blaming with words that had been previously used against them” LINK

We can have conversations about patterns we see in fanworks. We can discuss how we portray characters and relationships, how to effectively convey what we want to in writing, how to sensitively approach representations of marginalized characters. But having those conversations productively requires that we approach each other in good faith, and it requires the ability to self-regulate–including recognizing that often there is no hard line, no black and white answer, and we won’t always come to the same conclusions.

It requires an understanding up front that eliminating all fanworks we don’t care for is not the end goal of these conversations.

If you are deliberately seeking out content that you know will upset you and reading it anyway and then feeling that you need to take those bad feelings out on the creator, you are not taking care of yourself. You are not engaging in healthy behavior or productive coping mechanisms. You are not keeping yourself safe, and you are not helping to make fandom safer for others. You are not engaging in good faith. LINK

and last but not least

And again: a lot of this is about a general fandom attitude that exists online, not necessarily specifically about jan.aya, and 99% of jan.aya shippers are lovely amazing talented people. even the ones who get on my nerves are all those good things too.

but these are the things i hate in fandom that i don’t like to see, and this is where i see it, and this is my experience. take it or leave it.

[allthemenofmydreams]

Back Home with a Trophy & a Baby- Ben Chilwell

It was the week of the champions final, Ben was busy with training and some interviews. But in his free time at night, he would lie next to me and always lay his head on my growing belly and talk sweet words to our baby.

I was 8 months pregnant, and we still didn't know what sex our baby was. We wanted it to be a surprise, even though we were dying to know. When the team reached the Champions League final and found out that it would be played in Porto. Ben and I started having little arguments on whether or not I should attend the final. Due to my condition, I was not recommended to get on a plane, especially when you are at a stage where the baby could be born at any moment.

The day before he left we had another little talk. We still hadn't decided if I would attend the game or not. Although the doctor had given us green light for me to attend the game because everything was under control and it wasn't a long flight. According to him, the baby was going to stay in my belly for a couple more weeks, but Ben wasn't so sure. He feared that maybe I would start having contractions during the flight or, worse, that the baby would want to be born while he was at the game.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home.

"I think you should stay," Ben said, placing a flight ticket and the game pass over the table. "I will be more relaxed if you stay, but I will also feel at ease knowing that you are in the stands supporting me, so... I let it up to you".

I walked and stood in front of him, placing my arms around his neck and playing with his hair. I looked him in the eyes and said

"I'm going to be fine, I mean we're going to be fine." I took his hand and placed it on my belly so he could feel the baby move.

Ben smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I know, I just can't help but worry about you two".

"How would you feel if I thought about it over the next few days, and let you know what I've decided?"

"I'm fine with that." He smiled and then said, "what's that smell?"

"Oh, I made your favorite food because I was craving it," He laughed and walked over to the stove to serve himself a plate.

"Let's have dinner then"

In the morning, Ben got up early for a final training session at Cobham before leaving for Portugal.

"Please, let me know what you decide Y/N, whether you go or stay¨ Ben said, taking his things and placing them in the back of the car.

I was in my pajamas standing in the door frame leading to our garage watching his movements. It was very early, but I had to say goodbye to him and wish him good luck because, whether I was going or not, it was very likely that I would see him after the game.

"We're staying, so don't worry. The baby and I want you to stay focused." Ben came over to me and kneeled, placing his hands and forehead on my belly.

"I'm going to get that win and bring that trophy home so when you grow up I can tell you about that great day."

Pregnancy hormones and Ben's words made me cry. He stood up and looked me in the eyes.

"I know I'm going to see you in a couple of days, but I don't want to leave without saying thank you"

"Thank you for what?" I asked, confused with my voice shaking from crying.

"For making me the luckiest man alive, because you are an extraordinary woman who is doing a great job with our baby. I can't wait to have him or her in our arms."Ben placed his hands on my cheeks and put his forehead on mine, "I love you so much Y/N, thank you for being my support, I don't know what I would do without you"

"I love you too Ben, thank you for all you have done for us, and for showing us not to give up and work on our dreams, I know you are a great team and you are going to win. I don't need to wish you good luck, because that victory is already yours." I gave him a soft and deep kiss. Whenever Ben plays away I get a little touchy, even though I know he'll be back in a day or two.

We hugged one more time before he got in the car and drove away.

I walked into the house and saw the tickets on the table. Even when I had told Ben that I would stay because I didn't want to worry him and needed him to keep the promise he had made to our baby before he left. I told the Footballer a little white lie.

The next day, I got dressed in comfortable clothes, grabbed my suitcase, and called an Uber to take me to the airport.

As we took off, I remembered that I hadn't told Ben about my change of plans. After a couple of hours, we landed, everything under control and the baby still in my belly. It was a safe and quiet flight and I slept through it. On the way to the hotel, I was thinking about how to communicate to Ben that I was not in London but Porto.

After checking into the hotel and settling into my room, I sent a message to Ben.

Y/N Babe, I need to tell u smth

He replied almost immediately.

Benjamin Please don't tell me the baby is born

I laughed at his worries.

Y/N Nop, baby still on my belly

Benjamin Phew! then what's it?

Y/N You won't believe me, but we're here

Benjamin Here? where? He didn't understand

Y/N Porto.

I replied straight to the point.

It's been 5 minutes since I told him I was in Portugal and he still doesn't answer my message. I don't know whether to worry. Maybe he got annoyed. A couple of minutes later my cell phone showed an incoming call from Ben, and as soon as I answered I heard his voice.

"It was that a joke y/n? because if it was..." I interrupted him.

"It wasn't a joke Ben, I'm here in Portugal. I'm at the hotel"

"Oh my god! you're such a liar, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I changed my mind at the last minute, everything went so fast that I forgot to tell you."

"I can't believe you did it... "

"Are you mad at me?" I asked out of the blue. I couldn't deal with the feeling of guilt for not telling him.

"What! no, I'm not mad. I'm actually glad you're here."

We kept talking for a little longer until we had to end the call because of his pre-match duties.

It's Saturday morning, game day. I sent a text to Ben wishing him good luck and that I would see him later to celebrate. Later I was already in the stands waiting for the game to start. The opening ceremony gave me goosebumps. It was unbelievable. I was glad I was at the game and didn't miss this special day; because I couldn't have lived knowing how everyone was talking about this special day and I didn't get to see it.

The teams took to the field and lined up in front of the sideline for the anthem once again. I noticed that Chelsea's number 21 was discreetly looking for me. When he found me, he signaled to let me know he had seen me. The signal was to run his hand through his hair, so the fans wouldn't go looking for the person he had waved at. Which made it a special moment between us.

The stadium erupted in cheers and celebrations when Kai scored the goal that gave us the lead. I screamed and celebrated as I had never done before. We were winning. A few minutes before the end of the first half, I felt a liquid running down my legs, had I peed?

In the bathroom, while wiping myself, I realized that it wasn't pee, but that my water had broken. I tried to stay calm and not panic; there was still halftime left to play. I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress, and went back to the stands.

The referee added 7 minutes. My nerves were clutching my stomach, plus the baby was also nervous because I could feel it moving. When the ref blew the final whistle I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, it was the longest 7 minutes of my life.

Everyone in the stands was celebrating, the boys and Ben were hugging each other. They couldn't believe it. I was so happy celebrating and watching the awards that for a moment I forgot my water had broken. It was a little pain that reminded me that the baby could be born at any moment.

When they allowed the families to enter the field, Ben came for me. The huge smile on his face and the medal around his neck made me emotional. As soon as he was near we hugged and both burst into tears. I was so proud of him, I still couldn't believe he was Champion of Europe.

"You did it!" I told him wiping the tears that were running down his cheeks "I told you you would be a champion, I am so proud of you".

"I still can't believe it, I'm over the moon," he smiled and kissed my temple "Thank you! Thank you for coming and being here with me"

"I couldn't miss this day for anything in the world"

"I'm glad you didn't miss it"

We continued celebrating until the guys went back to the locker room to get ready for the celebration party.

We had just arrived at the place when I started to feel stronger pains. I didn't want Ben to miss the party, so I tried to mask them with the breathing exercises I had been taught in my prenatal classes. But I couldn't take it anymore and doubled over in pain.

"Babe, you okay?" Ben asked, kneeling next to me. I shook my head.

"I think the baby is coming," I said, inhaling and exhaling. "at halftime my water broke".

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?" his voice sounded worried.

"Because... at that moment... it didn't hurt." my voice cracked in pain.

"We have to go to a hospital" he took out his cellphone and asked for an Uber to the nearest hospital.

When we arrived, the nurses attended to me quickly and took me to a room. They asked me a couple of questions, luckily they spoke English. Ben filled out the paperwork for my admission, while we waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and checked me over and said.

"This baby is ready" what! but it was still a couple of weeks before I was due. "Get things ready for delivery and call the pediatrician."

All the nurses started moving quickly and I started to freak out.

"Calm down," Ben said, taking my hand and kissing me "It's going to be okay, I'm with you."

"Okay," the doctor said, "on my signal, you're going to push as hard as you can, okay?", I nodded.

"You can do it, sweetie, now it's your turn to bring our trophy into the world."

"Now!" the doctor said.

After pushing three or four times, I heard our baby cry.

"Congratulations! It's a boy," the doctor said. "Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" he asked, looking at Ben, and Ben nodded. A nurse handed Ben a pair of scissors. Watching him cut the cord was the most beautiful moment.

As soon as it was cleaned up, they took the baby away to check that he was healthy and strong because he had been born a couple of weeks earlier. strong because he had been born a couple of weeks before.

"You did great Y/N," Ben said, kissing my lips "he is going to be fine".

Ben texted our family and the lads at Chelsea to let them know that everything had gone well and that the baby was healthy.

A couple of hours later a nurse came in with our little boy in her arms and handed him to me.

I couldn't believe that this little human being had come out of me.

"Look at him, he is as handsome as his daddy," said Ben next to me, I let out a little laugh.

"I know, he's going to be a little heartbreaker."

"I don't know which one of you two I should thank, but you have certainly made this day unforgettable" Ben's eyes were covered with a couple of tears, he was over the moon, "I'm a double champion, I won a title and a baby".

"Who knew you were going to come home with a trophy and a baby," I laughed.

Our baby was still very small but I did not doubt that he was a clone of Ben.

Since everything was under control and he was a healthy baby, the next day they let us go. So our little guy came out dressed in a Chelsea onesie that the team sent us, plus other essentials for Ben and I that we didn't have because it was all unexpected. They also sent us the baby seat so we could take him home.

We didn't know if taking a newborn on a plane was a good idea, but we couldn't stay longer in Portugal. Luckily, the doctor said there was no problem, as our baby was healthy and could handle a couple of hours on the plane. At the hospital they helped us with the paperwork so we didn't have any problems when we arrived in London.

I was glad we were going back to London with the rest of the team because then Ben could still celebrate with them. The kids and families watching us were excited, all wanting to meet little Ben.

"Congratulations, Dad," Mason said as soon as he saw his teammate.

"Thanks, buddy," they hugged. "Would you like to be his godfather?"

Mason smiled and said.

"No need to ask."

When we found out I was pregnant, we spent more time wondering who was going to be our baby's godfather rather than thinking about names. We both agreed it would be Mason since he was a close friend of both of ours.

As soon as we landed we went straight home. We wanted to rest and assimilate everything that had happened over the weekend. I was glad that our baby was born early because Ben was able to be present at the birth and enjoy our boy for a couple of days before he left for his international duties.

[kaedeharakaori]

awieee this is for a special friend of mine irl ^^ i hope u like it eonnie <3 you're (everyone) the traveler in this fic btw :DD

Keep me warm || Kaeya

The Traveler and their floating emergency food friend were taking a stroll through the icy mountains of Dragonspine for some things that Albedo asked you to get on your way back from Liyue.

Moments before you stepped into Dragonspine, it was kind of enjoyable for the both of you since you and Paimon were accompanied by Zhongli to the boarder of Liyue and Mondstadt.

"I know you can hear me Barbatos, how have you been? Well, I guess, telling by the winds. May I ask you to guide this Traveler and their companion safely back into the walls of your kingdom." greeted Zhongli to the god of the winds, a moment of silence before he faced the Traveler.

"I belive this is as far as I can go for I cannot leave Liyue just yet, maybe in a few or so years until I am sure that my kingdom can handle it all without Rex Lapis. Take care Traveler and Paimon, 'till we meet again in a new adventure, a new page in our lives."

Said the Lord of Geo as he retreated further back into Liyue, leaving the Traveler just on the edge of Mingyun Village, on their way to gather up the materials that Albedo patiently asked for when he heard the news of the pair that will soon return to Mondstadt.

You were then left alone, Paimon went off to find a torch on the cold paths of Dragonspine, having collected most of the materials Albedo asked for, meanwhile in Mondstadt, people were now preparing for the Ludi Harpastum that will happen in the next few months, its never too late to prepare early right?

Sitting in his massive office waiting for you to return home was the Cavalry Captain of the Knights de Favonius and who was also your lover, Captain Kaeya Alberich who was really impatient and bored beyond belief.

"When are you getting back my sweet little Traveler? I miss you… but I also don't get why we're already preparing for Ludi Harpastum when its months away?" asked Kaeya to no one in particular.

Soft footsteps were heard in the hallway of the Headquarters of the Knights de Favonia. Those footsteps were getting louder until they slammed open the Cavalry Captain's door open. The very good looking Chief Alchemist, Albedo, who was now stood inside after slamming Kaeya's door open (leaving it ajar) looked panicked.

"What's the matter, Kreideprinz? This must be a serious situation because you've rarely ever come here." Kaeya teased, with a barely visible smirk painted onto his face.

"Forgive me for barging in Captain, but I've recieved a signal from one of my experiments in Dragonspine and it doesnt look like its a good one." Albedo's face was filled with terror, hands were shaking, and his normally relaxed body was stiff. Kaeya made mental notes of this as Albedo's situation is really a serious one, considering that the alchemist usually was proper and composed, seeing him streased like this was new to Kaeya, might even make him scared.

"Albedo, prepare your stuff and we're going to go to Dragonspine in a bit."

~~~

It's been almost an hour since Paimon had left you, you've already collected some of the last bits that Albedo had asked for, the only thing missing is a shard from the floating pillar on the peak of Dragonspine, and so you went off.

Going without Paimon felt weird to you, even if you were kind of annymoyed of her, you still appreciated the company that she gave you. Trudging up the path to the peak, you were getting extremely cold as some of the torches weren't alive, a sign that you were getting close to the top.

Legs trembling, knees unstable, nose clogged, you've crashed to the ground, the cold was too much to handle. The torches further up were not activated to keep anyone warm, from the looks of it, no one has touched the torches for years.

Your body was giving up on you now, the cold too much for you to handle, rethinking your life as you knew this was somehow going to be your last breath, you sighed, wishing someone a happy ending.

"Kaeya, my love, I hope you keep me warm."

~~~

Kaeya and a very panicked Albedo has entered Dragonspine and made their way to Albedo's camp, poor Kaeya was worried sick about the alchemist who was next to him, trembling in fear, hands shaking, not from the cold, but from his thoughts running through his head.

"W-what if someone messed with my experiments?! I'm not finished with those yet and those are highly dangerous items that if messed with, and will lead to unknown circumstances."

"Calm down Albedo, we're going to reach the summit in about 45 minutes. Maybe if you stop worrying we could get there a little faster." Kaeya told the little alchemist to hold himself together.

A while of walking has passed, about 8 minutes away from the camp, snow thick, and the torches were extinguised, something odd stood out to Kaeya.

"Hey Al? When was the last time you were up here?" asked Kaeya curiously, "about a week ago" was all Albedo said as he continued.

"Well if you were here a week ago, shouldn't there be no footprints up here? these almost look like fresh footprints from not too long ago." Kaeya kneeled to the ground, examined the footprints left in the snow, they look new as if someone was here hours ago.

"I guess you follow the footprints, I'll check for any intruders in the camp." Ordered the Kreideprinz to his companion.

A while of more walking while closely examining the footprints, they seem to get closer to each other, as if someone was struggling to walk and so the captain ventured further into Dragonspine, almost near the Peak of Vindagnyr.

Kaeya, peacefully walkong and somewhat enjoying the cold felt a little spike of a traumatizing aura, like as if he was about to see something that would break him, brushing that feeling off he kept walking.

A crunch was heard underneath his footsteps causing him to break his train of thought and turn back, sprinting to where a patch of red had tainted the snow.

Covered a little by the snow was a small body, looked like of a creature but it didn't look like an animal, the body almost looked human-like. Kaeya dug through with an old and rusty shovel that he found on the ground, dug up the body and gasped at what he saw.

Paimon was dead, burried in the snow dried blood smeered all around, he frantically scanned the area for more footprints on the ground and luckily he found more.

"So if Paimon is here… that means the Traveler is also somewhere in this mountain." Kaeya's eyes widen in horror.

He carefully placed Paimon's remains as if she was just relaxing on the rock and ran for the trail of footprints, the farther he went up the summit, the newer the footprints looked, the more frightened Kaeya felt, what if these were the footprints of his beloved? He shook his head to those kind of thoughts.

Kaeya arrived at the summit of the mountain, footprints nowhere to be seen, he used his elemental sight only to find a sight so cruel.

Just how he found Paimon, the Traveler is sprawled out on the ground, body parts spread in weird places that seem very uncomfortable. Kaeya ran towards the Traveler in fear of their heart not breathing.

"My beloved! Please tell me that you're alright" Kaeya sobbed, "just give me a sign, please, anything that might tell me that you're alive" the Cavalry Captain cried harder.

Far off in the distance stood a man, blond hair as bright as the sun, his posture primmed and composed, his hands elegantly gliding accross the sketchbook at the scene infront of him, cereulean blue eyes shimmering with a sinister glare, the Kredeprinz smirked.

"I'm so sorry, Captain. It appears that your Traveler froze to death because of the materials I have asked of them to gather for my experiments. Sadly, I had more intentions than you thought. The traveler does not belong in this world I tell you, how can just a supposedly other-worldian just waltz into our world without the intention of destroying it? Not when I've already found out what they are, their whole being. I'm sorry but I had to do the job that the eleventh couldn't do."

Albedo sighed happily, finishing his sketch and finally ending his experiment here.

[jiminrings]

hi hannah! i may have a request 🥺 i've been watching too much tiktok and this two made me want some jungkook skater au 😳 like the reader saw him and went like love at first sight so she purposely buys a skate and goes everyday to the skatepark and start learning just to impress that hot tattooed skater that kinda looks like a bad boy but he's actually a softie. ♡

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSm5Huop/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSm55usm/

late skate

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 7k

glimpse: jungkook would rather wash down his grip tape than spend another hour seeing you land on yOUR ass, a smitten y/n and love at first sight, and tae almost losing his bearings (in all aspects) <3 // gif is from pinterest :D

note: thank you so much for the request babie!!! also i’m sorry since i’ve done this a month late hee-hee bUT but it’s here now!!! fun fact: i used to skate but one time i fell on my ass so hard doing an ollie that i quit ( ˙-˙ )

there is nothing

there is absolutely nothing you hate more than walking home alone and at-

wait u need to shudder

night

times like these make you both angry and scared because fIRST of all

you’re angry because if oNLY (you’re still hoping that u win the lottery soon) you were born to wealth and ease (if you see park jimin one more time in a billboard you’re about to lose it), you wouldn’t have to worry!! or even work for that matter!!!!

you could have a car by now!!!

but you don’t have a car and you’re still saving up for that because you have to keep up with your bills and this nice and decent apartment that you’re living in right now

well if you’re being honest, you are splitting it with yoongi and that cuts back your expenses significantly but that’s besides the point

which is why you’re being extra thrifty!! save up all the money that you could so you could by yourself a car amongst other financial decisions and nOT be scared shitless when walking home

you’re working at the animal shelter most of the time and it’s very fulfilling because of cOURSE!! your job is to care for animals and give them a better chance at everything :D

the pay is more than decent but it’s not the highest sO what you do on your spare time is pick up any job you could!!

and the income that you need is more and more than decent because taking care of chimmy is not an easy feat

chimmy, your alaskan malamute!!! he’s the first puppy you’ve properly taken care of in the shelter and you’ve fallen head over heels for him

he kept bumping into the wall when he scrambles after you call for him but eH you love the clumsy giant still!!

so much so that you file your adoption form for him and run over to mr. kim’s office hurriedly :D

your boss seokjin’s pretty sweet after all but at the same time he’s intimidating!! too sweet and intimidating at the same time that when he approves your form without much question, you almost kiss his cheek

...

.... hehe

jin beat you to it and instead he gave you a side-hug with a very strict warning to take care of chimmy and provide everything that he needs

he eats ����𝓇𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓊𝓂 dog food and you could only assume the amount that he needs because of how he towers

the treats?? one time yoongi got overly-excited to take a picture of him and accidentally left the bag on the ground, and when he came back?? chimmy’s managed to inhale all of them

thankfully he’s only loyal to one (1) toy and it’s to this brown angry... entity..? with one tooth that yoongi’s made by himself

but he constantly has to replace the stuffing because chimmy nOTICES when it’s flat and unstuffed from his own doings

hehehe the grooming.....

you thank your lucky stars that jin gives you a discount to have chimmy groomed!! 

one time you were about to have a breakdown because a $100 grooming session simply didn’t click well with your ongoing budget and you decided to do it yourself :D

spoiler alert: chimmy kept barking at you when you held up the mirror to his face because wOOF did you just... d-did you give him bangs.... how was that possible....

and then sECOND of all is that well.,.,.,

you’re scared and that’s it

there is every possible reason for you to be scared :D

you get off from work at 5!! but now it’s quarter to 8 and you totally should’ve booked an uber but it completely slipped your mind

normally, you wouldn’t walk home alone though because chimmy comes with you to the shelter, and then he serves as a therapy dog of sorts to help ease and calm down the new rescues!!

he even has his own little ID oh my god :’)

but he doesn’t come in everyday and well you remember,.,.

no actually, yoongi REMINDS you that today is his day-off at work and explictly implied that he’d very much love to cuddle with a giant alaskan malamute as he gets his well-deserved rest

and yoongs has been the reason to why you don’t unravel every single day and you owe him for your life so yea okay you can have chimmy whenever you need this giant pillow of support <3

but no

no 

you don’t have chimmy with you and you don’t have anyone to bark and be willing to growl n intimidate any creepy dudes you could possibly encounter on this twenty-minute walk home

the extra coffee you’ve drank at 6 in lieu of dinner does not help at ALL

what if you just... run

that way you get home faster and you won’t have to be that antsy!!!

ok maybe just a light jog would do

you wanna go home so badly and take a shower and be sandwiched between your warm sheets and sleep all the way

you miss chimmy and yoongi and you just hOPE that he’d already cooked dinner and you won’t have processed food again for the third time in a week

and after dinner maybE you could treat yourself to online shopping because yoongs has also been pestering you to let yourself indulge once in a while

your thoughts are jumbled once panicked and it reminds you that yes you should definitely get a car and you know what??? you probably should-

wait fUCK

...

....

oh

wait

hold on a second

did you just manage to narrowly dodge what seems to be a skateboard in mid-air??????

“taehyung, you dumbass!!”

said taehyung is jumping down and crouching to pick up the deck at your feet and squeaks an “oop sorry ‘bout that!!” before going back and

well...

mr. “taehyung, you dumbass!!” is who you presume to be the speaker,, because well no one eLSE is in this skatepark at 9 in the evening,,,, is standing RIGHT underneath the light and is right at your line of sight

it’s as if the clouds are opening up and chimmy’s barking could be heard and everything you deem perfect is ringing right in your ears because god.... holy shit.....

he looks and probably feels like a warm-sized bed that smells of baby powder and fresh linen

he has a hoodie on with the sleeves scrunched up and you tHANK yourself that you’ve saved up enough to get lasik eye surgery because those tattoos...,.,. you r positive that they would be your demise

mr. TYD has a loose bucket hat on yet you could still see his features clearly and you aren’t lying when you say he is perhaps the most breathtaking thing you’d ever seen

even more breathtaking than seeing chimmy in the laundry room and having fished for your one good perfect bra in his mouth

oh

huh

you’re pretty sure this is what love at first sight must feel like

suddenly, you aren’t anxious at all and you’re instantly gravitating towards the ramp without much complaint

there’s a bench conveniently placed in which you could see him but he won’t see you

you find yourself sticking around and smiling when you see him goofing around in all good fun

hopefully you don’t look like a cREEP because you swear you aren’t!!!! and hopefully they don’t notice you either and find out then and there that you’re here in a skatepark withOut a skateboard,,, just sitting,,, to see him

this may not be your best idea yet lmao yes you’re gonna admit that

but it’s probably the first and last time that you’re ever gonna see him so might as well watch him for awhile!! that’s all!!!!

ok wait

this is definitely a bad idea because yoongi calls you and you forgOt to put it on silent and it’s his voice that greets you very rudely as soon as you pick up

“y/n where the FUCK are you???”

oh lmao it’s quarter to 10 already

“jeez, i’m coming home!! calm down!!”

“yeah tell that to chimmy who’s been worried sick with me and won’t stop hOWLING!!!”

you’re scrambling to gather your duffel and sneak oNE last look at him and ur practically pouting as you say goodbye to him under your breath 

:((

“... aw, you worry about me?”

you resume back to jogging on your way home and this time for rEAL

you’re gonna miss him

he’s like one of the random dudes you see in the mall that are sO breathtaking and you know you’re never gonna see them again

you didn’t even manage to catch his name :((

but whoever he is, he feels a little more different than a dude in a mall because this time, you feel like you’re gonna cRY at the thought of it

little did you know that jungkook could see you all this time and he’s sad to see you go 

:D

chimmy is the first to leap at you as soon as you come through the door

and if you didn’t anticipate the giant, then you’d probably be toppled over by now

yoongi finds it weird that there’s this lingering gentle smile on your face

well he shouldn’t be so shOcked because he sees you talking to yourself when you’re watching documentaries and cooking

(( he always checks if there’s a camera hidden somewhere in the kitchen and you were vlogging or something but nO!!! ))

it’s like you’re a third-grader again that goes fERAL at just the thought of their crush

you hope mr. tyd has already eaten breakfast and hasn’t had any injuries with his skateboarding

you’re trying to rationalize with yourself that it’s just a stOOpid and pathetic crush to harbor in less than a day and stop thinking about him

the universe must seem to hate aND love you at the same time because well would you look at tHAT

it’s 5 in the afternoon and you have chimmy beside you and you’re walking home

and that’s practically your routine ever since you’ve gotten this job

it would only differ if a situation like last night happens or when you’re too tired to walk home oR when it’s raining

but right now it’s your normal workday, and you’re walking home, and it’s sunny, aND THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU’VE SEEN HIM

this is also the first time that you’ve seen him in such a situation that you didn’t expect :O

the fact that you’ve mayhaps watched kimi no nawa last night with yoongi and perhaps 98 times before that, does not help at all

“you uh, y-you wanna go for a run on the grass, chim??”

there’s this mini field besides the skatepark and chimmy happily jUMPS at the mention of grass :D

aha oh well :D would you look at that :D your dog wants to go run on the grass that’s a couple feet away from the skatepark :D who are you to stop him anyways?? :D

chimmy’s more than happy to comply with your wish and vice versa because he’s having the time of his life clearly

he’s your pawman and the perfect variable so you wouldn’t seem like a third-grader with a helpless crush on anOther third-grader

it seems that hE’S more excited than you though because chimmy runs to the ramp instead of the grass!!!

and in the process he goes UP to greet a guy like he does with you whenever you come home!!! it’s harmless pouncing per se

but it’s not entirely harmless because it feels like chimmy knows EXACTLY what’s in your mind and what he’s doing

“chimmy!!!”

.....

...... of course

chimmy has to of cOurse pounce on him

jungkook wasn’t surely expecting a giant and overly-friendly alaskan malamute to pounce on him right when he was about to drop-in

it’s a pleasant surprise either because it’s-

wait

oh my god

is this yOU?????

listen.,.

jungkook was in the skatepark last night with taehyung and they took advantage of it because they were the only ones there!!

tae surely wasn’t kidding when he said that he was a novice because holy sHIT how was it possible that he sent a skateboard flying mid-air after a failed trick??

kook flinches when he follows it in his line of sight and notices that there’s someone down there who might be literally dECKED out of tae’s stupidity

he’s about to yell for this passer-by to dodge and-

time seems to move quicker because you’re already stopping yourself and flinching in place and then looking up

you’re rIGHT underneath this street lamp and jungkook sighs a breath of relief when he realized that you weren’t hit

but at the same time he’s gasping again because wow

t-that’s uhm-

okay

wHEW he has never felt this pressure in his chest ever since he joined a quizbee in 8th grade

would it be-

ok nevermind

WOULD IT BE TOO FORWARD FOR HIM TO SAY THAT HE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU ALREADY

you’re really beautiful??? and frankly he has to look away for a second because you’re tOO beautiful that he doesn’t know what to do with himself

that’s it u are under arrest for being too pretty >:(

jungkook’s flustered because there’s just these types of people that put a knot on his chest unknowingly and he doesn’t know how to act normally

you are the equivalent of him not being able to look at the screen because the kdrama was that good and he feels unworthy to even watch it

it’s goosebumps all over his skin and he’d be lying when he says his cheeks are not heating up at aLL

“taehyung, you dumbass!!”

his first instinct is to scold taehyung because what iF he ended up hurting you with his skateboard, hmm?? and tHEN what

he expected you to leave after that close-call and if everyone must know, jungkook has an incredible talent at being able to scope out things in his peripheral vision

he could look straight ahead and be able to see what you were also doing at the side

he doesn’t know if that’s a talent or uH everyone has it but whatever he can do that!!!

and you were clearly still there and in fact, even sIT down on the bench

he could see you smiling and giggling and a ginormous part of him assumes that it’s because of him

he prays to god that it’s NOT the guy who almost decked you with a skateboard ://

jungkook was acting weird and he kept smiling and laughing mORE than necessary and taehyung can see right through him

“bro all i did was walk towards you wtf are you laughing,,.,”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHHA tae you’re so silly XD”

alrighty then,, maybe jungkook just binge-ate his vitamin gummies which is why he keeps beaming for an unknown reason

koo was so grumpy literally just before he had his skateboard flying and now he’s ???? weird

jungkook was ultimately sad to see you get up and he knows he’s probably never gonna see you again ok alright time to mope

but this

this

he’s beyond surprised to see that said owner of giant dog happens to be yOU!! of all the people!!!!

it’s you!

“i’m so so sorry about him!! he’s just excited to make friends with everyone and i don’t have the sLIGHTEST clue why he came to you!!”

you pointedly look at chimmy and he has the audacity to howl before looking away

it hasn’t dawned on you that you’re talking and apologizing to him but it certainly did on jungkook which is why he’s charmingly laughing already

“no, no. it’s okay, i don’t mind!! his name’s chimmy, then?”

you’re blinking profusely because yes.. right.. HE is talking to you

“yeah, uh, correct!! his name’s chimmy :)”

“that’s cute. anyways, i’m jungkook :)”

aha :D

koo would like to think that he is smooth

and yes you agree

you immediately shake his hand tOO eagerly with a smile on your face as you’re trying to take this all in

“i’m y/n :)”

jungkook’s hand is bigger than yours and your hand fits sNUGLY right into his hold

he has some tattoos on his hands and there’s some peaking from underneath his hoodie

but even with ur lasik vision you cAN’T focus because omg are you seriously holding jungkook’s hand.,.,

jungkook as in THEE jungkook that you’ve immediately clocked and crushed on last night in an instant

your lil moment of just holding each other’s hands is interrupted when taehyung pops out of nOwhere

(( actually he’s been there for the past two minutes and he kept switching between cooing and laughing ))

“yO i’m taehyung!!! you must be y/n, i didn’t nick you last night, did i?”

he takes it upon himself to hug you right then and there

well he’s warm and he passes the internal vibe check yoongi’s hotwired into your brain so you reciprocate!! you like hugs anyway and taehyung’s just like chimmy but in human form

jungkook practically squawks and stammers in his place because w-why.. w-what...... no

chimmy bARKS at taehyung and koo is tempted to do the same too because no man you simply do nOt hug my crush that you know absolutely nothing about

“he’s asking for you.”

kook points to chimmy who’s obviously pouncing on you to come run with him

you excuse yourself so you could go satisfy the giant and jungkook felt like his heart was gonna fall out of his aSS

tae wiggles his eyebrows and has his lips pursed and it’s the shit-eating grin that he immediately flips off as soon as he sees it

“what was that all about?”

you are convinced

you are 100% convinced

your head is fully-set into the game and in no way are you gonna back out

“min yoongi!!”

ah there it is

yoongi’s having the time of his life playing fetch with chimmy! what could possibly be any more important in this world than that

“what did i do now?”

you only call out his full name when a) you’re agitated and when b) he’s ignoring you and you’ve had enough of it

he really doesn’t recall giving you the cold shoulder recently

and he certainly didn’t agitated you when all he’s done is play with chimmy and sleep!!!

“please click this for me pls. click. please. pls click.”

aH yoongi should’ve brought his glasses instead of leaving them on the couch

you’re holding out your laptop to him with your arms outstretched and he has to come really close to decipher and-

... huh

“a skateboard?”

pardon him but he’s really lost on this one ok

he is as lost as he was when walmart decided to completely rearrange the whole store

“... and what do you need a skateboard for? y/n when i said that you should get yourself a four-wheeler, i didn’t mean a skateboard-”

in what part does a skateboard look like an SUV

whY are you like this

“it’s for uh... it’s for fun purposes!!”

you’re trying not to raise any more questions in yoongi’s mind but his head is miles miles away now lol

???? you hate trying new things though ???

one time you traded in your beef ramen for pork ramen because the first one was out of stock and throughout the whole meal you kept thinking how much you regretted it

and besides, skateboarding would be the last thing you’d get into!!!

yoongi distinctly remembers that you’d rather choke on chewing gum rather than get your knees scraped

why was that?? because when your knees get scraped, walking and doing everything else?? impossible 

nice try sherlock but the moment you do so much as to not stand up straight?? sIT down?? yeah your knees would give out 

what has got to be something so special that you’d wanna get into skateboarding and risk yourself into getting your knees scraped??

....

....

omg is that what he thinks it is

“... it’s a crush, isn’t it?”

the way you instantly shut him down and practically have to beg him just to press the check out button.,..

aha 

yeah yoongi’s gotten his answer alright :D

whatever this is

or whatever that’s going on

you’re sure that you’ve never felt this content for a long time

you now bring a change of clothes so you wouldn’t go skating in your uniform because that just honestly sucks

you may be too tired to walk to the skatepark which is why sometimes you’d book a ride, but no you’re never tOO tired to skate and see jungkook :D

it’s frustrating enough as it is

yoongi used to skate and that’s the reason why you’ve found this shortcut in the first place because this was where the park was!! you’d always think at the back of your head on wHY was yoongi struggling!!!

smh that’s so easy yoongs </3

joke’s on you now though because trying to balance on the board in the first place scared you shitless because hOW were you supposed to do this??

you can ride a bike and that has tWO wheels and this has fOUR bearings!!! how come you can’t balance yourself??

even managing to stand up on the board without panicking for more than ten seconds AND managing to shift from left to right even if it’s albeit shaky at first, took you a wHOLE evening

but you’re so proud of yourself and so is jungkook :D

jungkook finds it the highlight of his night when you’d hold onto him

yes he knOws you have it under control now and you barely hold onto him for support

“just so you won’t fall, that’s all.”

he always evades your eyes when you go look up at him dreamily like that because how could he not???

you’ve covered the basics of pushing yourself then simultaneously riding the skateboard!!

you do that for one WHOLE week and both jungkook and tae (and yoongi) think it’s time that you do something else besides skate in one straight line and occasionally to a left and a right

ok you’re kind of scared shitless because you already fell a couple of times but y’know what?? it’s time!!

society has progressed past the need of you skating in a straight path

the society NEEDS you to do tricks now

.....

........

confession time:

dear diary the kickflip is simply not kicking the board in an attempt to flip it by itself. it is not. it is not as easy as it sounds. it is the bane of my existence

it’s evident that you’re stalling out of your way with this one but you just need oNE success and that’s it!!! one win to woo jungkook from his feet and then you’d stop

tae has already shut you up too because you keep talking about how your day went when you already is set four times before that

and it must’ve been a lucky first time because you absolutely nAIL it on the first try!!!

you honestly thought you’d land square on your ass and see bruises on it later in the shower but N-O!! you’ve done it perfectly and-

jungkook’s not looking

he didn’t see your feat!!

or maybe he didn’t see it because he chosE not to!!!

OR

maybe doing a kickflip is nothing impressive and it’s obvious that he’s a pro at this compared to you who’s even more of a novice that makes taehyung look like a god

you can’t have that :((

ok ok hOW can you impress jungkook

there must be something you could do to impress him!!

omg

that’s it

this is practically perfect!!

you’re gonna do your first drop-in at a pipe that is nowhere gOOD for a beginner like you :D

one, two, th-

“easy, doll.”

jungkook materializes out of nowhere and you expected him to be skating at the far end!! not mere inches away from your face holding your hANDS

this is the first time you’ve seen jungkook actually this close and you just have this urge to kiss his cheek

he has you whipped for him and he hasn’t even done anything to you!!!

“not the best idea to go down an eight-foot tall half-pipe for your first time, hm?”

he scrunches his nose at your absurd thoughts because absolutely wHY would you do that??

how could you fall in love with him even mORE

“do the two-feet tall one first. go have taehyung teach you.”

the grin in your face goes as fast as it came

no offense to taehyung but he’s not the one your head-over-heels for :((

practically everyone knows about your crush on jungkook BESIDES jungkook himself

you’re tapping tae on the shoulder to come and teach you while you just watch kook shred it at the other side of the park by himself

it’s okay!! progress is progress and you’re gonna get far with jungkook!!

going to the skatepark right after work is now your new routine

sometimes you even come with yoongi when he’s free and he takes all his time to gloat on how you used to make fun of him when he was skating avidly back then

that gives you a grand total of three (3) people teaching you how to skate and giving you pointers

jungkook also now holds conversation from time to time :D

he’d ask you how your day went and you’d have to pretend that you didn’t wait for him to ask so you’re not spilling detail after detail

he now does this thing of pinching your cHEEK when you get something right 

your heart after doing an ollie goes bEEP when he pinches your cheek and tells you eagerly that you did such a good job

yoongi’s laid off his teasing for you and jungkook but god he can’t deny that he gets these weird vibes from him

eh it’s probably nothing

today you’re especially excited because it was an outfit that you just bought and you feel gREAT in it!!!

tbh your day was the absolute worst but jungkook is always a great pick-me-up to whatever day you could have :)

a tennis skirt with shorts already built underneath is the greatest save of ur life

it’s a little on the more expensive side because it IS a name-brand and those don’t come cheap but it’s ok :D it’s gonna be worth it :D it better be :D

oh uhm

jungkook seems different today.... ?

you were used to him looking intimidating and mad even if he wasn’t, but this time it just felt emphasized even more

taehyung’s here but he’s not the only one!!! there’s two guys with jungkook on the other side of the ramp

“those are his friends, i guess?? i don’t know, he hasn’t introduced them to me.”

so you’re nOT the only one who’s lost

jungkook will probably come around later and you could all hang out again :))

chimmy happily chuffs at your side and that just gives taehyung the most wonderful idea he’s ever had this day

“hEY which one of us do you think could out-skate chimmy???”

jungkook is utterly and without a doubt stressed 

he knew that hoseok and namjoon would come over, but he didn’t expect that they’d visit him while he was in the park!!!!

and he already knows what they’re here for and that just makes him grimace :((

“why don’t you want to go pro?”

koo’s ears feel like bleeding when hobi asks him that for the nth time

god it’s always just the sAME question!! he could practically sniff the air on what they’re gonna say next

“jungkook, i think we all know that you’re more than qualified to be a pro!! look at you!!”

it’s the same conversation over and over again

the next things they’d say are that he’s a natural and he’s wasting all his talent doing this thing cASUALLY

he’s not the next tony hawk or anything like that!!! he’s not gonna book a sponsorship and a collaboration with vans!!! but hobi and joon kEEP insisting that he’s that good

“hyung, i think we’ve already talked about this-...”

“yes and you refusE to listen!! why can’t you just accept the fact that you have a much better future in this??”

jungkook’s currently a freelance graphic designer which means he works from home and he’s in charge of his oWN schedule

but it doesn’t necessarily mean that every single day he gets a new commission or anything grand like that

he’s gonna be honest and say that yES he has thought of being a pro skater!! but he’s trying to be as rational as possible about it

because not every competition would be a win and not competitions don’t happen as frequent as a typical job is!!

and what iF jungkook gets injured?? something of an injury that would lay him off from skating 

and being unable to skate??? = he basically gets nOTHING

he feels pressures because hobi and joon are pro skaters already!! and that gives them all the more reason to make jungkook into one

not to flex but uh they’re both quite already kNOWN

and jungkook hasn’t even started his pro career but he’s already known!!! both by his skills and the fact that he’s friends with these two champions

“i literally do not care if you beat me!! just come take the leap and be a pRO already, jungkook!!! it’s a loss as it is that you still consider yourself an amateur.”

their words, not his 

ok uhm what if

what if jungkook opens a skate clinic?? he can do what he loves and in the same time, earn money!!

... yeah

okay! 

that could work!! and if he feels extra prepared, then yeah maybe he’d be a pro

or would a skate clinic be useless if he isn’t a pro by then???

oh my god

jungkook’s so frustrated with all this sudden bombarding and it makes him want to tug at his hair

as much as he loves his hyungs, sometimes they just can’t seem to know when to back oFF and realize that their nudging is more like shoving

“do something productive and worth your time, jungkook. stop babysitting.”

namjoon says with an edge and that tames jungkook

what makes it worse was what they were implying in the first place

hoseok doesn’t make it discreet to look at taehyung and you

“tae, tae, look!! i’m doing it, i’m doing it!!”

you’re saying over your shoulder because omg you’re getting the lead and chimmy’s slowed down for some reason

well actually taehyung’s took it upon himself to stop behind you

“guys?”

you get an immediate answer when you feel someone effectively hALT you still and you almost fall on your ass just by the sheer strength of someone holding you up

jungkook’s holding you down and his hands are quite heAVy on your arms

there’s this unexplainable look on his face but you’re positive that it’s not one of happiness

“you should probably stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing.”

oh

to be honest you’re unsure of how to react

but the way that jungkook looks like he’s mad at you and retreats back to those two guys with a scoff in his step -- 

it’s enough

it’s truly enough for you to reevaluate every decision you’ve ever made

maybe it’s simply not just a bad day for you and a case of overthinking thigs,, and it’s perhaps the fact that he want you to stop

stop whatever that is happening

you probably must be frozen in place because chimmy bounds and pounces at you

you probably must’ve looked like an utter fool,, skating in a tennis skirt and trying to outrace a damn dog in a fucking skatepark,, right in front of jungkook and his friends

“y/n, you uh, y’okay?”

tae’s worried because there’s an instant shift to your mood and he could only assume what you were feeling

tears prick at the back of your eyes and that’s the signal for you to gather your things in a flash because the last thing you’d want is to cRY in front of him

“y-yeah! i’m gonna go home, tae. chimmy’s looking for yoongi.”

the dog in question tilts his head because w hat now,,,.,., wha t,.,. he is???

you learned that dogs could smell emotions and that makes you even sadder

chimmy was behaved the whole time; didn’t even try straying you around when he keeps seeing umbrellas on the street even if he loves them

you’re okay

:)

you should be okay

....

there’s something definitely off

yoongi’s cleaned everything and did his share of chores

the tv is still mounted and the microwave’s clean!!

chimmy didn’t have a toilet accident because if he did, he would’ve already picked it up

there’s definitely something off with yOU

because first of all, why are you here???

“not coming to the park?”

if he can recall correctly, no matter how knackered you were after work, you’d still go to the skatepark!!

... not unless you were injured??

nah because if you were injured then you’d be whining to him now

“nope :)”

you’re lying on the couch where he usually lies nowadays because you weren’t around!!

and you’re drinking from your mug that he’s claimed as his mug

and chimmy’s squished in between the tiny gap of you and the far edge of the couch

“and why?”

he’s always had answers for everything but his mind’s bLANK for this

“wanna spend time with you guys :)”

oh

okay

that’s gotta be the answer, right???

this is definitely weird

for starters, it’s already 11 PM and jungkook’s still in the skatepark and he’s not even skating anymore

he’s just waiting

weird... you aren’t here.......

aH it’s nothing :D you’re probably just tired and didn’t want to go skate

oh and.. you’re not here the next day

or the next

or the nEXT

jungkook spends almost the entirety of his time in the park

he goes there at 3 in the afternoon and comes home at 11 in the evening

no big deal

half of the time is just spent him actually skating and the other is figuring out wHERE you are

uh maybe you’ve started to take ubers now every time you come home??

you’re not walking home anymore and the car would pass by the skatepark and jungkook wouldn’t have a single clue where you are

it’s also this time that it dawns on him that he has no means whatsoever to contact you

he didn’t ask for your number and didn’t exchange socials so he could only gUESS

he can’t come over to your apartment either because he hasn’t walked you home and therefore he wouldn’t know your address

holy shit he’s so dumb and jungkook misses you a lot

like a whole whole lot

he misses you holding onto his shoulders for support and misses your excited grin whenever you nail a trick and had a perfect run

there’s nothing that jungkook could dO besides wait

and miss you so much

and mope

kook doesn’t want to give up and miss a day because what iF you pass by when he’s not there???

he can’t have that and he wON’t have that

he’s just so antsy and he hasn’t had his fix of chimmy bounding towards him and the malamute intentionally pouncing on him whenever he’d drop-in so he could lose his balance

he just needs to see you and your duffel bag and the precious yet beat-up wristwatch you have and-

WAIT

THAT’S YOU!!!

jungkook’s brought his perfume the past few days because he wouldn’t want to be aND smell sweaty when he sees you again

he’s wearing a shirt this time and nOT a hoodie and it’s actually a nice shirt!! the pale orange makes his tattoos pop

he’s also wearing a watch so he could look business-ish and composed and he kinda hATES watches because uhhhh you ever heard of a phone, buddy??

you’re walking striaght and paying no mind at all and to your surrounding and-

there’s suddenly this cRASH in front of you and it makes you recall in response because that came out of nowhere

... and this feels oddly familiar

only this time though, it’s intentional and it’s jungkook who literally tHREW his skateboard down on the spot in front of you

“y/n? wow, what a coincidence!”

you didn’t expect to see jungkook as soOn as you anticipated that he wouldn’t be here

he laughs nervously and he tries not to overanalyze the fact that your face is blank

:|

“yup. totally.”

you’re avoiding his gaze and meanwhile he’s searching desperately for yours 

what is he feeling and why is it hurt and longing at the same time

“can i walk you home?”

the words tumble out of his mouth before he could even ponder over them longer

“i uh, i rEALLY can’t believe i never asked to walk you home!! or even ask for your number!!! but uHhhh it’s late at night and to be honest i don’t have your number and i just need to know that you’re safe and-”

he stops his rambling right there because he realizes that he’s a stuttering nervous mess

you’re a bit speechless because normally you’re the chatty one but this one.,.,,. this one’s a pleasant surprise

“yeah, yeah. okay :)”

he can’t believe either that you agreed to it but he’s immediately gathering himself and swoops your duffel for him to hold

he’s not gonna entertain a single complaint <3

it’s not exactly the most tensioned silence ever but it’s definitely nOT comfortable

“why didn’t you come to the park?”

okay well sHIT you didn’t expect him to be this straightforward

wait no 

you shouldn’t be surprised!! after all, he probably did mean what he said the last time you’ve seen him

what are u gonna say now

well you coulD say that you’re busy and he’d probably fall for it!!

or reiterate the truth that he’s implied and say it with a straight face

“oh. i started intentionally falling on my ass because i missed you,” jungkook spills out of nowhere while waiting for your answer and he now realizes that might’ve been a little awkward

after all he dID admit that he missed you

ahem

“did i uhm... did i say something?”

he rephrases his question and he knows that this was the more appropriate one

your coping mechanism is to kick on the ground as if there were leaves and there are absolutely nO leaves <3

“jungkook, you told me to stop.”

he blinks rapidly at that as he tries to digest your words

he’s trying to backtrack as much as possible and it wasn’t that!!

he simply doesn’t wanna see you hurt

“i can’t explain it but holy shiT i can’t see you hurt!! a-and i know that being hurt in skating is normal but for sOME reason i can’t stand it when i see you in pain o-or-...”

jungkook just can’t explaiN what he feels

“i just -- i just don’t gEt why you’d want to be hurt?? whY are you doing this to yourself??”

you find him ridiculous and this whole situation is just rIDICULOUS

“jesus christ jungkook i did it to try and impress a guy!!”

that earns you a snort and you immediately go defensive

he seems irked and his eyes are just beGGING to be rolled

“who?? taehyung?? the guy who would’ve wiped you out if he did end up hitting you on the head with the deck just a little harder??”

“what? taehyung???” you’re so confused and jungkook hates it even more, “yeah, taehyung!!”

“i like you, jungkook!”

o-oh

uhm

a.....ha

“me?”

he points to himself to which you eagerly nod your head to

“can you excuse me for one second?”

he barely gives you the time to respond because he’s already walking away and biting his arm

he’s actually sCREAMING

you throw your head back because omg did the two of you just basically admit that you liked each other

jungkook jogs back to where you stand a presses a hefty kISS right on your cheek

he’s on too much of a high that he holds your hand and practically drags you along with him because he’s almost skIPPING from how happy he is

“okay. good. nice. very good!!!” he could now sigh in relief because whEW that robbed him off his breath

“because i fell for you when i first saw you.”

jungkook basically has nO filter now and it’s adorable because god he’s just so soft and you now know what’s going and this wouldn’t be just whatever

“huh. imagine if yOU fell for me too at the same time,,,, that would make me piss my pants.”

he cackles because wow he dO be funny :D

he’s turning to look at you to gauge at your reaction and the waY that you’re holding your eye contact with him is all-telling for your answer

oh my god

jungkook is wrapped around your pinky :’)

[ashren]

I'm taking you down with me, bud! ❤️🌛 I challenge you to ALSO do all of the Part II questions!

Ooooooo Thank you!!!! I hope ur ready for some Ren Facts 😎 (the rest is under the cut just bc it's long lol)

1. What are your OC's best and worst qualities What do they think are their best and worst qualities?

Ren's best quality is probably his loyalty. Once he trusts someone, he's ride or die. For the most part.

His worst quality is that he holds a Grudge. He's pissed at Max for a LONG time after the scholar thing, and doesn't fully come around until well after Scylla. He's been hurt a few too many times to take what he sees as betrayal lightly.

Ren would probably agree his best quality is his loyalty, but he would say his worst quality is his temper.

2. Is there a meaning behind their name, or a particular reason why they have it? (either in the story, or why you as the author decided to give them their name)

I just answered a question about Ren's name so Ill give the real world answer! Genuinely, I saw someone with the nickname Ren when i was at work and i was like Yo that's a cool name. And i snatched it up. I steal a lot of cool names from work 😂😅

3. What does their voice sound like, in a couple of words? (ie soft, scratchy, seductive, high pitched, etc)

Oddly?? I haven't thought about it much! He's trans and was on T on Earth, and I've guess i always imagined like a bit lower and kinda scratchy? Look, Ive been on T for a while and only JUST realized like a month ago that my voice changed a lot, I'm not good with like,,, voices or describing them fjalfjalf

4. Do they have any underlying motivations? (ie hey seem hard-working but secretly just don't want to fall back into poverty, etc)

Ren's secretive about exactly what they're doing for Phineas at first, because he's not sure he can trust ANYONE, but as soon as he warms up to the crew and to Phineas, he's pretty straight forward with them. He doesn't tell them about his past on Earth for a while, but he came to Halcyon to start over as a paramedic. He truly wants to save the people on the Hope, and believes they can help save the colony.

5. Does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they're an upbeat person)

Ren ends up wearing old altered Iconiclast armor. He uses his own fabric in colors he's not mistaken for the Iconiclasts. He ends up choosing the blue for the head scarf and detailing because he stopped dying his hair when he got to Halcyon (too much work) so it's a little homage to the hair color he sported for years. That's not really the answer to the question but... i'm leaving it there 😅

6. Do they have any tattoos? What are they, and why did they get them?

YES! On his left arm he has the word FUCK tattooed. His late husband Johnny had "SHIT" tattooed on him, because those were the first words they said to each other. Once they realized that after they got married, they got it tattooed

I want Ren to have more tattoos but i haven't put that much thought into it lol I think he'd get some in Halcyon too, and not all of them would have some grand meaning! I think eventually he'd get something to commemorate his original crew on the Unreliable

7. What is their biggest insecurity?

Ren biggest insecurity is that he doesn't believe he's as morally good as he really is. He has a checkered past on Earth, but really it's bc he's more of a Chaotic Good type than a Neutral Good.

However, he still thinks he's way in over his head and doesn't ever know if he's doing the right thing.

8. What is their coping mechanism?

Fake it til u make it baybee. That and cigarettes. He doesn't drink so much anymore, but he smokes as an anxious habit when he's not Doing Great (and generally only then, so if he's smoking, he's going through it)

9. What is their main love language? (gifts, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation)

Oooo copy pasting this one bc i answered it before from a different ask thing and im too lazy too type a new answer :,) :

Ren's love language is definitely physical touch, acts of service are important to him, but being physical close to his people is the best. Makes for fun moments when someone Ren cares about helps bandage him up after a fight uwu

10. What is their MBTI type?

INJF (idk i made it up im too lazy to go through and do that sorry lol)

11. What kind of person are they most compatible with? (platonic or romantic)

Queer people, generally, but anyone who isn't a dick 😂

He doesn't really like cynical people, even though he can be kinda cynical himself sometimes, so he finds it really hard to get along with Max and Ellie through the story. Ellie and Ren definitely bond somewhat after her quest, and Max kinda gets over the most annoying if his cynicism after his quest, so that helps a lot.

12. How do they feel about romantic relationships? Are they into casual flings or more serious, long-term romances? Or are they uninterested?

Very interested on all levels lol. Ren is very casual about sex, he's more of a 'it's a fun activity' kind of guy. He's totally happy with casual flings, however! He is also a romantic. In an ideal world, his partner(s) would be open to the idea of non monogamy, but if not, Ren would be absolutely fine with settling down with the right person. (spoilers i give Ren his happy ending........ no pun intended)

13. What are their views on marriage? If they want to get married, what would their dream wedding be like?

Ren's been married! He and Johnny got married for the benefit status, though. Ren doesn't particularly care about marriage as an institution, but he did enjoy having a party to celebrate his and Johnny's love, soooo he's not closed to the idea in the future. He wouldn't be the one to ask for one though.

14. How is their relationship with their family Which family member are they closest to?

Non existant. He cut off communication with his parents right after high school. He kept tabs on them from a distance for a while, but eventually stopped checking in on them. He used to spend summers on his uncle's dairy farm, though, and before he cut off his parents, his Uncle was probably the person he was closest too. It wasn't a very familial relationship, though, and he didn't answer after Ren reached out in his 20s. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. Has their personality changed at all since they were a child? Why?

Absolutely. Ren grew up with grossly wealthy parents, so he was coddled and shielded by a lot as a child. Until High school he was probably kinda like those pretentious little kids who's low key annoying, but i'm high school he learned about the horrors of ~capitalism~ and things went downhill from their (or uphill? Because he's definitely a better person for it 😅)

16. How do other characters in the story view them?

Ooooo, this is a tricky one, it depends on the timeline of the game, but at first I think their all a little bit optimistically confused by him lol. He's a stranger who came out of nowhere and is offering to help (for a fee sometimes), but then is actually capable of surviving in this colony while not knowing what "Tossball" is.

By the end of the game, they all see him as more human and less superhero, understanding he has his limits, but by the end of the game there's definitely a mutual respect from everyone on the crew. I could go more into each persons opinions but this would be twice as long as it already will be lmfao

17. How many hours of sleep does your OC get on average?

Not enough :,)

18. Where do they see themself in ten years?

Ideally, he, Phineas, and Hiram are settled down somewhere relatively safe in the colony and he and Hiram can work on the colony while Phineas relaxes and works in his own projects for fun for once in his life

19. If they had a theme song, what would it be?

BRONCO ORVILLE PECK (literally listening to it as i type 😇)

20. What AU would they belong in the best?

PIRATES hahaha probably bc i'm writing that one 🥴 but really ive thrown Ren into every AU at this point (at least in my head, if not scribbled somewhere in a notebook)

for the purposes of the ask~ i'll stick with pirates haha

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[minmincals]

kinda wanna do this i hope i won't forget abt it

Day 1: 165cm 47kg,, ion do other measurements

Day 2: i'm as already mentioned 165cm and ngl i'd like to grow a lil but i'm also not gonna cry if i didn't

Day 3: i dont have a specific one but thigh gaps🗣🗣🗣

Day 4: im afraid i might become too skinny to look good dancing

Day 5: because i hate the way my body looks esp my thighs i can only wear loose pants or skirts, whenever i wear leggings to dance class i have to wear a big tshirt or hoodie to cover them bc it looks weird otherwise

Day 6: yes i do theres a lot of times where im feeling empty but like emotionally n not physically and so i-

Day 7: idk tbh ion talk to them

Day 8: i have none im lying in bed all day

Day 9: often enough, even now they dont stfu abt it

Day 10: uhm idk

Day 11: don't have one

Day 12: small portion of anything my parents cook for lunch and whatever tf i feel like snacking on till evening

Day 13: i have an eating disorder. healthier than before tho im rarely purging

Day 14: my ugw is 40kgs and im expecting to reach it by graduation if possible,, so 1¼yrs left

Day 15: i would def want to turn vegan but my parents don't want me to🤪 i've cut out red meat tho and tbh i feel sm better since i did and i have sm less to binge on since my fam are red meat lovers and so i did lose weight by cutting that out.

Day 16: somewhere in 6th grade

Day 17: yes🥳

Day 18: cakes, fruit, or anything with sesame seeds

Day 19: its been quite a while idk maybe 2-3 months ago

Day 20: don't have one since i didnt get to try many

Day 21: i could easily fit xs but i prefer s and m unless it's skirts

Day 22: lw was 42,9kg i gained bc my digestive system was fucked from all the purging and if i didnt purge id gain like rly fast but i didnt have the energy to purge anymore so that stressed me out which then led to a binge cycle and boom i gained double of what i lost

Day 23: not really until i found those diet/fitness youtubers which motivated me to work on it

Day 24: the meaning's all twisted and ppl still argue abt it but im just seeing it as a tag where i can get motivation for myself idk

Day 25: countless times, i read it was hard to purge first time and so i was worried i might take a while and everyone in the house would hear but then i thought fuck it and went for it n it actually wasnt bad---

Day26: seeing the number and also the way i might look at that weight

Day 27: i either binge or it makes me sick just looking at it

Day 28: i absolutely do simply bc that means i have worked hard enough and also my thighs wont touch anymore which is >>>>>

Day 29: beauty is whatever u decide it to be for yourself

Day 30: 46,9kg still the same height

1) i love to dance

2) im ace

3) i love hugs and holding hands n all that stuff but my brain decides who im comfortable with doing that (bitch is very selective) and often its ppl that i'll never be close with and it makes me sad

4) im a math enjoyer and proud

5) i love riddles and figuring stuff out on my own

6) i play genshin and im a kazuha main

7) im into kpop and my ult group is onf

8) i have a hard time telling apart romantic and platonic so its always nice if the other person makes clear where we stand

9) i have ednos, 100% pain and suffering, 0% weightloss

10) im nonbinary

[shinahbee]

February Favs 2021

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GREETINGS

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March 6. 2021

Hello!

Another month has passed by really quickly, maybe because February had only 28 days.

This month also was lunar new years or Chinese New Year, so happy new year to all of you who celebrate it! Our household celebrated safely with just my family, in previous years we would celebrate with extended families, but of course every one’s safety is important.

There was also Valentine’s Day, which I helped my sister make some cheese tarts for her boyfriend as a gift. I’ve been working on a few things, including art for more of my manhwa recommendations, but I’ll put that on hold for now and work on a few for some recent anime that I have been watching. I feel like I’m winding down when it comes to filtering the shounen ai manhwa, there really isn’t much that I have read currently that I want to really want to share.

There are some of the ones that are popular that I dropped, I named two of them in my last favorites, but there have been a lot more since then, if you’d like I could add another segment under the hell segment that talk about the ones I dropped and why I dropped them, I feel like if someone had similar thoughts to a certain manhwa and why they dislike the content , It would honestly help me filter out a lot of the ones I never really should have read, if that makes any sense.

Not instagram though...it keeps showing me the pictures of manhwa that I dropped ...I’m like omg instagram your algorithm is screwed...I don’t even like these.lol. Thus this is how it thought of the new segment idea. I feel like I’m adding a lot to this segment alone.lol.

So how is everything going for all of you? Anything exciting happening? I’ll keep you guys updated when something good happens, but there is nothing currently. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense blabbering.

Enjoy reading!

Sheena

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DRAMAS:

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No dramas this month to talk about.lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS:

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Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (Completed)

6) Here u are (Completed)

7) BJ Alex (Completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

9) Unintentional love story (ongoing)

10) Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

11) Semantic Error (ongoing)

12) Tied up in Twins (Completed)

13) My Suha (ongoing)

14) Crash into me (Completed)

15) Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

16) Inner beauty (Completed)

17) False memories (Completed)

18) Hand in Hand (Completed)

19) Stanning 101 (ongoing)

20) Private lessons (Completed)

21) Behind the scenes (Completed)

22) Turn off the camera (Ongoing)

Updates on ongoing titles:

So I thought I would start off with some updates on some of the titles in the recap section since it has been a while since I last talked about them.

No way vampires don’t exist:

This is almost done soon so I’m glad that the manhwa updates are consistent, what I didn’t know is that there were extra chapters of side stories for this manhwa, and I discovered them through a Chinese manga site, I really hope the licensed site will be able to translate these as well cause it goes into the later lives of all the housemates and of course an in depth development of juwon and dongha’s relationship which I am living for since they are so cute. Lol.

I really hope these get translated since my Chinese is lacking, I’ve just seen the raws and thought I may be able to read them but of course my 8 years of Chinese school has failed me once again.

Dine with a vampire:

This manhwa is giving me so much gripe when discussing the story so far, the recent update of course was a little better in showing the relationship between chi hwan and sooin, so i’m happy they got their feelings across to each other and sooin was able to really begin to trust people again. BUT....I was spoiled by the raws for this week’s update, and let me give a big F*CK you to that harry potter asshole...I still don’t know his name, i think my memory did me a favor and selectively removed it for my mind. I obviously can’t spoil all of  it for you but stuff happens and harry potter has found his way to sooin and basically kidnapped him while he was vulnerable and he’s trying to make him his partner...I’m like...great...In all honesty let’s look at this situation in modern society, think about a person who had made your life living hell, who then dies and you think that’s the end of it , but this asshole still haunts you even after death and still tormenting you...i’m not going to lie, I honestly think I would just kill myself at this point.

I feel like when I first read this manhwa , I thought it was disgusting but I still read it thinking that it will be better, it’s like watching season one of a show and being annoyed hoping that it will get better later and then finding out in season two is just...I need anger management.

I really hope what I think might happen will not but the author seems to be a sadist, so it might end up that way. Props to the creator for making one of the most detestable characters i’ve seen so far. I will watch out for people like this in my actual life.

Semantic Error:

This is updating a little slow and again I tried reading the raws, but of course that didn’t go too well, from what i’ve seen there is a bit of character development between the two main leads so far. Also I’ve seen on twitter that semantic error is going to get a mini anime adaptation, in Korean of course but that is so awesome either way! This is one of the manhwa’s I would like to see an anime of because it’s really good.

In terms of Japanese anime seiyuu who would play these roles I wonder? Sungwoo I feel like anyone can since he’s very ambiguous, but for jaeyoung, I think I’d like to hear sakurai takahiro ( cloud from ff7, miyuki kazuya from daiya no ace) play him, in all honesty it’s because of his role as miyuki in daiya no ace, jaeyoung is basically the same character but more intense.lol.

Turn off the Camera:

Oh this piece of work, i’m glad this is completely satire because if I were to take this story seriously I would have an aneurysm thinking about all the bad choices these people have been making. So recently, our boy jihoon who wanted to protect his virginity from the two co-stars has finally lost it to yoojin, one of the co-stars. I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t know about him because his intentions are still very unknown, and I agree that I don’t know what his intentions are but from what I've seen, it’s not like he treats jihoon badly, he won’t do anything that jihoon would not like so i’m not opposed to it, but I really would like to see romantic development between jihoon and yohan because of how straight forward yohan is, he isn’t hiding his intentions and says whatever is on his mind, it’s reassuring knowing that there’s nothing he would hide.

Jihoon doesn’t really seem interested but it’s more like that push and pull relationship, where despite him not seeming interested he still had a wet dream about having sex with him...lol. Where as with yoojin, Jihoon does not oppose to having intimacy with him. So we’ll see how this dumpster fire plays out as it continues. I absolutely HATE love triangles cause this whole concept alone is so unrealistic, it’s hard enough to get ONE person interested in me, this dude has like 2 without really doing anything. Also it’s just really messy and annoying to read and I always want to route for the guy who never wins.lol.

This is merely a suggestion, but I feel like authors should make alternative endings with different characters, if you think about this in a realistic perspective, you can end up with different people depending on the decisions you make, which is why harems exist in this genre, because there is not just one person you can love, and how alternative timelines can exist. So if the author would consider this idea and make alternative endings for the main character, then I would feel more satisfied with the story overall, because i’m always wondering what if...he ends up with this person ? What would that be like? This only applies to love triangles where abuse doesn’t happen, because there’s no way I would be happy with an abuse victim ending up with their abuser...

Anyways, that is all the updates that I have for you, in this heaven segment I’m going to talk about some titles that I don’t really think is that popular but I decided to read them after reading the summary and they turned out better than I thought.

In the hell segment, I’m going to be discussing some manhwa titles that are a bit “ quirky” you know in my hero academia where these kids were each born with a super power, seem like some of these manhwa characters also have unique abilities, which I will refer to as “ quirks” in this segment. Let me tell you...there are some interesting ones out there.

So let’s begin.

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Welcome to heaven

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Murderous Lewellyn Candelit Dinner:

“Shevon is a writer who lives in a run-down apartment in the streets of the slums. One day, strange memos start showing up at his front door. Before he can uncover the mystery behind them, he encounters a beautiful young man that keeps peeling onions on the staircase next to his unit. After accepting a dinner invitation from the young man, Shevon discovers a dead body in his host’s bedroom...”

Okay so starting off with this one, it’s very different than the usual types that I would read. This story is more of a mystery drama with implied romance, but I have yet to see that happening in the story so far. It is fairly new so I suppose it will be a slow development. Like the summary for the manhwa says, it is a about a guy named Shevon, who I believe is a writer that is trying to get a job at a writing firm, but he ended up free lancing for a while with no luck of getting a paid job. He was being harassed by an ex boyfriend when he encounters his neighbor that is sitting on the stairs peeling onions. Since that day, Shevon would always run into his neighbor peeling onions while exchanging small talk with him, which makes him curious about why he does this at the same time each day, one day his neighbor wanted to invite him over for dinner and Shevon obliged due to being curious and other advances the neighbor has made to get his attention. As he went up to his neighbor's apartment he noticed that he had a bunch of candles lining every inch of his apartment and there was a very strong smell coming from here. Lewellyn (neighbor) just says that it was the onions that he had been peeling, he wanted to use them for tonight's dinner. Shevon didn’t want to just eat onions...I mean who does. So he told him that he will make him a proper meal instead. So he was in the kitchen making food when the door bell rang and Lewellyn went to check who it was. Shevon didn’t see him for a while and decided to just head back to the dining area, but before he could head there the smell from earlier was getting stronger and he noticed it coming from a certain room, he opened it and there lays a dead corpse surrounded by candles covered in blood. Being shocked accidentally took the candle he used to light up the room and left the room; just as Lewellyn entered he said he had to leave for the day.

After that incident there were suspicious activities involving Shevon’s apartment, such as the name plate on his door being moved, the feeling of being watched when he was alone in the room, and some creepy mail he had been receiving, which all points to the fact that he had a stalker.

Shevon starts to suspect Lewellyn as a murderer because of the obvious corpse found in his apartment, but there was no evidence he could find to report him, meanwhile the stalking had been getting worse he found himself getting more entangled with Lewellyn than he’d like to be.

So yeah, it was really creepy when you read those letters, so far we knew Lewellyn is involved in some sort of murder and although he has been helping Shevon find the suspect he himself is also one as well. It’s still too early to make judgments as to what actually is going on, there’s a lot of mystery behind Lewellyn that isn’t explained yet.

So if you like murder mysteries you might like this manhwa, I don’t see any romance involving them yet, but maybe curiosity will lead to something eventually.

Unripened Expression:

“Jaewon has known that he likes males since he confessed his feelings to a boy named Yoonsung in elementary school, but when Yoonsung tells him that liking other boys is weird, Jaewon tries to hide his "weird" feelings and push them away. Now in high school, he's developed a strong crush on his kind, handsome classmate Karam, and Jaewon decides it's time to finally confront the reality that he might be gay. He asks for advice over the internet and befriends another gay student named Junseo, who becomes Jaewon's emotional support in his quest to win Karam's heart.”

So for this one it was not listed as a harem but it actually is, all the guys you see on the cover is related to the main character so how. I usually don’t like harems in any genre, but this one wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually every guy in here was a good contender and I was not upset with who he chose in the end even though it would be obvious in the first chapter who he would end up with...lol. and you know me, always picking the “ other guy” in these situations, I really do have bad second lead syndrome.

They guy I wanted him the end up with is named “ junseo ” he’s the gay friend that jaewon the main character met on an online forum while asking questions about his sexuality, they felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers but not give their identity away to each other. Jaewon realizes that from talking to Junseo that he went to the same school he did, coincidently, and found out his identity through his friend. Junseo didn’t want to associate with jaewon but he was really persistent. Junseo then gave up and decided to listen to jaewon whenever he wanted to talk.

Junseo had some trauma in the past involving a ex boyfriend and getting bullied at school when someone found him kissing his boyfriend in a room and started spreading rumors of them together, but instead of just denying it, his ex boyfriend accused junseo of leading him on and that’s why junseo ended up being bullied and shut himself off from people, even though he forced to leave school cause of all the bullying he endured he still understood why his ex boyfriend did that, everyone had to protect themselves first after all.

After opening up to jaewon and telling him his story, jaewon cried because he was sorry he had to go through that. Junseo was happy that someone would cry for him, who had just accepted everything until now. Their time together lead to some feelings developing between jaewon and him but although jaewon is aware he has feelings for junseo, it doesn’t compare to the feelings he had for karam..Which is the guy he ended up with.

Okay. Compared to karam who didn’t have much development, junseo had a much better chance to be perfectly honest. It’s not that I don’t like karam, he just didn’t have much back up story to convince me that his feelings for jaewon is real. Lol

But I guess that’s the trope in these types of manhwa right? The Main character always ends up with the guy that he meets first...OMG. Come on authors ...work with me here and try something different for once. Anyways, it’s all good it’s not like any of them were sexually harassing and/or abusing jaewon so I’m happy with whoever he chose.

If you are into harems with good characters, you might like this one.

Oh! My Assistant: (18 +)

“Naive comic artist Seonho, who draws R-19 series, hires beauty(?)-and-brains Muyoung with outstanding skills to be his assistant. However, working with Muyoung who is too task-oriented and has a prickly temperament, turns out to be a little difficult. Seonho asks Muyoung to pose for him one day to help with a sexy scene, but when he sees how erotic Muyoung's pose is, Seonho's "junior"... that hasn't stood in 2 years, got up. It's hard! It got hard! It finally got hard! This is an unpredictable, comical and chest-tickling BL story brought to you by Milla and Yalgae!”

The first thing that came to my mind was Oh! My goddess... LOL let me know if you guys have ever watched that anime, i’m really showing my age with that comment.

Anyways, so this is about an adult mahwa artist named Seonho and he was getting really popular and needed an assistant to help with his busy scheduled serialization. He held an interview with a couple of selected candidates after viewing their portfolio, and of course muyoung was chosen out of all for his pristine work. Of course there was several conditions that muyoung had listed in exchange to work here, most of which applies to a 9 to 5 job, but of course artists out there know that we make our own time...we don’t have a scheduled work hours, but of course seonho needed a person soon and he liked muyoung’s work so he hired him under those conditions.

Muyoung was actually the heir to a prosperous kimchi making firm and did not need money because he was already wealthy, but his grandmother wanted him to have some independence and so muyoung wanted to look for a normal job to get his grandma off his back. He quickly learns that not everything that you ask for will be complied there are times where you will need to work late for a dead line and such.

This made muyoung wonder if he should just quit, the only reason he doesn’t is because he liked seonho. He liked seonho since he first laid eyes on him as he is exactly his type.

Without realizing it seonho also thought muyoung is attractive and ended up in situations with him that are presumed romantic. In the end, the two of them ended up together, but of course there’s always an inconvenience that disrupts this romantic development, and this came in the form of his best friend, who is by the way married to a woman, but as you know in BL...that doesn’t matter...

His best friend was actually in love with him for a very long time and the marriage was just a family arrangement that he had no say in. He tried to separate muyoung and his seonho by trying to convince muyoung to quit several times and even got into an accident and used this as an opportunity to guilt trip muyoung to stay by his side.

He basically just said that he would die if muyoung left him alone...now, here is some advice from me, if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, you have no control over what a person does and you are not responsible for any of their actions, so call their bluff on it.

This incident caused some strife between muyoung and seonho’s relationship to the point where it was getting pointless for seonho to keep up something that not working, he wanted to break up with muyoung but after talking to muyoung’s grandmother he decided not to since what muyoung needs is his support at this moment. So they overcame it and muyoung made it clear to his best friend that he had no feelings towards him and that he only loves seonho, which made the friend only, had to accept it. So in the end muyoung and seonho moved in together and continued working as a mahwa company, and even hired a new assistant who strikingly had the same conditions as muyoung when he was first hired.

Lol. In the end this story worked out great, and it was really good read, the drama was minimal though that friend of his was an inconvenience. It was an overall a good story and the relationship development was really cute since muyoung was in love with seonho first, I’ve never seen that happened before actually, so if you like all of my recommendations so far you will like this one as well.

The Good Teacher: (18 +)

“Hojun’s recent breakup was pretty rough. His partner told him it wasn’t him, per say… Hojun just wasn’t good in bed. But it turns out Drunk Hojun is surprisingly resourceful; singlehandedly managing to find and set himself up with a sex tutor by the name of Mr. Ahn. Ahn Seunghyun was only half serious when he posted the sex tutor ad, but he quickly finds himself in too deep to call the lessons off. And the more he sees Hojun, the more he can’t help but notice how much attractive he is. Seunghyun is making it up as he goes along, so what will the final exam look like?”

This is basically “Sex for dummies” .LOL. I don’t know how your sex education went in school, but for me all I remember is that the teachers would leave he girls in classroom where they took the guys out and talked to them about masturbation. So needless to say I didn’t have much of a sex education until later in life. Or you can read this manhwa which basically taught me more that my sex ed teacher ever did.lol.

So basically Ahn seunghyun ( Mr. Ahn) was drinking with his friends and thought that they would pull a prank by posting an ad for a sex tutor, not thinking that anyone would fall for it. But Hojun found the ad and took his chances to reach out to seunghyun, so he decided to play along for the first meeting to see who he was dealing with, he made fake lesson plans and prepare a lot in order to make him sound convincing as a teacher. What started off as a joke became very educational for hojun whom had very little sexual experience and how his previous partners would claim him being very bad in bed. Seunghyun had a lot of patience and taught him from the ground up. I’m not going to lie, this was pretty educational and I think Mr. Ahn looking really fine does not help either.

So as the lessons progress they began to have feelings for each other, one thing that doesn’t add up is the fact the seunghyun is not a n actual teacher to begin with, although he did his research before every lesson he was not a an educator in trade, so he didn’t tell hojun the truth until the end and they had a fight, but made up quickly right after when they both realized their feelings for each other.

Now you’re probably wondering if there is a third wheel in this relationship, well there is a guy who is seunghyun’s ex boyfriend, he was a little bit of an inconvenience but not really causing too much trouble, just enough to make hojun a little jealous, the only thing he was out of line for saying was that three of them should have a threesome...LMAO not with you f*cker you look like Tarzan...lol. Hell no!

I say that but there is a special chapter at the end where hojun was having a nightmare where the three of them did have a three some and it was gross...i’m like wtf he’s so ugly...I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is hot.

Yeah take this as you will, if you lack sexual education I recommend this mahwa to educate yourself cause lord knows when that will be when you get proper education for that. If you liked reading BJ Alex, you may like this one because of the similar art style, if not then just read it for Mr. Ahn..cause he is so fine...lol.

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Welcome to hell

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*Warning *

These titles are suitable for 18+ audiences, because of the mature content in discussion, you have been warned.

So finally onto the hell segment for this month! This month we will be discussing some of the quirky titles, people born with unusual abilities, I have come across a few of them and from that I chose these three to talk about since their stories alone are interesting in many ways.

Whether these stories are satiric or serious, I enjoyed finding out by reading these more hellish stories. So here we go...starting off with...

My purrfect boss:

“Sunwoo is thrilled to be starting his new job! Full of energy and enthusiasm, he’s eager to please Manager Kang. The problem is, he keeps making dumb mistakes and getting in trouble. Things come to a head one night after work when he pours soju all over his boss. Typical! But hang on… Why is Manager Kang blushing like that? And what are those cat ears sprouting from his head?! After discovering his boss’ secret, it isn’t long before Sunwoo has him purring with pleasure.”

Let me start by saying that the funniest thing in this manhwa is that Mr. kang has both cat ears and human ears...lol. How is that possible?

So basically in this story manager kang is an anthromorph, which are humans with animal characteristics, they only make up of the minority of the population. He is basically a human with cat characteristics and has hidden his identity until sunwoo spooked him and his ears popped up from being surprised. This seems to be his “quirk” and of sunwoo being really innocent only wanted to find out what he was, then was caught by Mr. Kang having his heat cycle and sunwoo was dragged into the meeting room where he and the manager had jerked each other off.

Mr kang needs the cone of shame after the next day realizing what he and sunwoo had done. He started to avoid him until they were set up on a business trip together, in which they had to spend the night in the same hotel room. Manager kang looked apologetic for having sex with him just cause he was in heat but sunwoo said that he wasn’t repulsed by it and actually enjoyed it, therefore manager kang proposed they do it again...and so they did...lol. Many times after that too.

And sunwoo became a furry. The end. lol. I’m kidding, but sunwoo really liked manager kang and decided to make it official with him, they decided to see each other but not make it public since he was scared. Later there was another manager from another department who participated in a joint project and that other manager is also an anthromorph and knows manager kang as well. This manager cha was like an ex boyfriend but he calls himself his “owner”. He tried to force manager kang into this abusive play and now he’s scared of him. But even knowing that sunwoo didn’t really give up on manager kang but instead gave him courage to confront his fears and stand up for himself, and if anything it made him love him even more. Even if sunwoo didn’t know much about manager kang the way the other manager did, manager kang listed out all of his favorite things to him so that he does know now.

I really like this part of the story, just because a person’s past partners know more about the person you are dating doesn’t mean they know everything, people’s preferences can change over time and all you have to do is ask. So i’m glad they communicated with each other.

So in the end, sunwoo and manager kang was able to be together and he was thankful for having sunwoo in his life. There’s a lot that happens in between but you’ll have to figure that out on your own by reading it.lol. Can’t say that this story is relatable since I don’t have feline features but it was an interesting read in the end.

The Sales Departments Cupid:

“'Taejun', who has the ability to see auras from people who have been in contact with him since childhood, connects with people with similar auras, and at his company he is known as 'the Cupid of the Sales Department'. Then, Hongyeon, a new employee with a rainbow-colored aura, approaches Taejun...”

In this manhwa, Taejun’s quirk is that he has the ability to see people's auras in the form of colours and that way he matches people by the compatibility from complimentary colours between two people’s auras. This is why he is the match maker of the sales department, because anyone who he consults ends up married happily with their partner. The only thing taejun can’t see is his own aura which made him feel like he will be forever alone, Until the new employee Hongyeon showed up and started a conversation with taejun at a drinking party. There was a slight issue though...taejun also has this uncanny ability to kiss anyone who is in close proximity to him when he drinks, and hongyeon was told to sit next to him by his supervisor, basically they wanted to sacrifice him.lol.

But this development made hongyeon very happy and they kissed and did other things after wards. Taejun didn’t really notice it when he was drunk but took notice that hongyeon had a rainbow like aura emitting from him. Which he had never seen before.

I find it really cute to see people’s auras but not your own, which means nothing can be predicted in terms of who you end up with, but why was he able to see hongyeon with a rainbow aura?

Makes me think that is an indication that he is the “one” for him. This concept is really cute and the relationship between hongyeon and taejun started off really romantic for just having a first encounter, after things progressed they started to catch feelings for each other.

This manhwa is still ongoing so I’m not sure how and when it will end, but really liking it so far, even with the crazy amount of sex scenes, I can still feel the intimacy between to two characters and it’s not just showing sex for the sake of it. This is a really cute story so please read it if you are curious!

Pearl Boy:

“ Do shik is a host who ran away with a large sum of money and has a bunch of people chasing him down, he fled to the country side to lay low for a while and noticed that he was essentially running out of funds to survive. He tried to pick up a few men in hopes of getting some money for his services, but none have been taking the bait. He noticed a clam grilling restaurant and thought he would try his luck in getting a free meal, the boss of the restaurant over heard doshik’s plans and told his worker to pay attention to him in case he runs away. the restaurant’s worker jin juha was aware of his schemes and stopped him from eating and running at the very last minute, saying that he should make it up by paying with his “ body” doshik thought that meant sexual favors and began to touch juha inappropriately. Before juha says that wasn’t what he meant, there was a bunch of men coming towards the restaurant, which made juha panic and forced doshik to leave and forget about paying. After doshik left he was loitering around the restaurant and noticed the back alley had an entry way to the back of the restaurant, there he saw something that he should not have seen.....”

Shameless plug before we begin here, I did draw a fanart of juha from pearl boy if you would like to see it please do so, I explained in the summary that I would write my own synopsis since the one i found was really bad.lol.

I wrote a little summary of the plot up till now below:

so it goes Boss  sexual abuse juha by making him work as a sex toy for old ugly bastards -> juha has ability to produce pearls from cuming after sex lol. i’m sorry this seems so absurd, but it is how the story goes, which the boss monopolizes him -> juha can’t run away because he is scared and owes boss money  juha was about to be assaulted by the ugly bastards-> doshik shows up and saves him a couple times and ends up working at the shop as a co worker-> juha and doshik get to know each other after doshik saves him a couple times juha asks doshik to have sex with him ( in order to produce pearls for debt payment) -> doshik discovers juha’s ability but thought it was beads coming out of his body...LOL. he actually thought he had kidney stones and was genuinely concerned ->  doshik had a pearl that he found at the beach earlier on and used it to compare to the bead that came out of juha and found out it as an actual pearl after getting it appraised by the bank person ->juha met up with doshik and wanted to tell him he wanted him to come over again cause he liked doing it with him -> juha and boss confront each other and boss is angry he didn't show up meet his business partners that night that juha and doshik were together -> juha says that he’s only going to pay it off by himself with his one partner, he didn't tell boss it was doshik, but i think he found out later -> juha and doshik became roommates ->Boss goes to doshik’s old work place to find out more about him

And that is the summary until the official licensed chapters, so I have a lot to say about this manhwa, since this one has been on my mind for a while, but juha’s “quirk” is to make pearls by cuming after sex.lol. Firstly that must hurt, it really would feel like having kidney stones wouldn’t it? It sounds so absurd to say “my ability is to cum pearls” although it’s quite unique, not really sure if you’d save any one with that power.

So the reason why I couldn’t tell if this manhwa is satirical or serious because the whole plot started off with juha being used as a sex toy for crusty old men, these people were getting paid by the boss to basically have sex with juha in order for him to produce pearls, it’s sounds so far-fetched when you explain this to someone, it sounds like some hentai plot line with ugly ass b*stards...but it’s not just one, it’s like 10 of them...so imagine the ugliest being you’ve ever seen in anime/manga but x10...

That freaken boss, I get that some of you would see him and simp over him cause he looks hot but he’s a terrible person, looks can’t begin to compromise for his actions, he’s involved with sex trafficking and sexual abuse, that alone is enough for me to hate this person. So just keep that in mind if you decided to read this.

That aside, he complains and hurts juha because he does not produce quality pearls after having sex with all those men...and i’m like can you blame him? Satirical point of view speaking, you only gave him crusty old ugly ass men to work with, i’m surprised he produced any at all, if you want quality then get better looking men, look at how much he made with doshik...doesn’t that tell you anything?...ugh. the idiocy...

Speaking of doshik, I really like his ballsy character, when one of the crusty ass men was assaulting juha he literally grabbed the ugly ass’s balls and says he will take care of it for him, since he’s good at this stuff. Lol. He is an awesome character and he cares so much for juha, even in the beginning when they were not close and always ended up arguing, he would be genuinely worried for him. Fast forward when juha and doshik were getting close and juha wanted to have sex with doshik instead of the dudes he was supposed to meet that night, doshik really showed how much he liked him and handled him gently and sweetly, I honestly blush every time they have any sort of intimacy, I could feel their affection projecting off of my screen, it’s really sweet. If you can’t tell I simp so hard for this couple and will probably continue to do so. You’ll need to read the manhwa to know what I’m saying but their love scenes are really passionate and affectionate. This of course makes me believe that juha was a person who only knew what pain and suffering was due to his situation and that led to his cold and indifferent expressions early in the manhwa, but after meeting doshik his expressions begin to soften and you can tell as a reader that he starting to develop feelings for doshik. The author actually drew an illustration on her twitter that was quite symbolic to the recent chapters and where the story was going, and I decided to write an entire tumblr post, breaking down the symbolism and foreshadowing in her art. If you’d like to read that post I’ll link it down below.

This manhwa is fairly new and currently is still ongoing so there is very much a lot of stuff to unravel as it continues down the line. Please read this if you have not you won’t be disappointed, I thought this was going to be some satire bull shit and I was proven so wrong... lol.

Alright, that is it for the manga and webtoons section this week, we ended off with the theme of “quirks” in time for spring when My hero academia season 5 will be starting again in the spring.

I hope you all are enjoying reading this since I don’t have any feed back after doing this every month. I do enjoy sharing these since not many people talk about manga/webtoons and I feel like this topic should be more popular. Like I said in the beginning please let me know if you’d like to see the titles of manhwa that I dropped and why I dropped it, in case there are some you are not sure whether or not to read it and would like some feedback, I don’t beat around the bush when I don’t like something so you can be sure that my opinions are 100% genuine.

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ANIME

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Kemono Jihen:

“When a series of animal bodies that rot away after a single night begin appearing in a remote mountain village, Inugami, a detective from Tokyo who specializes in the occult, is called to investigate.

While working the case, he befriends a strange boy who works in the field every day instead of going to school. Shunned by his peers and nicknamed "Dorota-bou" after a yokai that lives in the mud, he helps Inugami uncover the truth behind the killings but supernatural forces are at work, and while Dorota-bou is just a nickname, it might not be the only thing about the boy that isn't human.”

- Summary from my anime list

I started watching this because it reminded me of old series like inuyasha, and I thought I would try it out. I think it’s interesting so far, half demons living among-st the humans and a group of them are solving cases together, this is only my understanding so far. I think that main character is in need of some development because I can’t really read his expressions very well so he doesn’t have much of a personality. I’m not really getting the whole plot as of yet, but maybe when this show is over I’ll have a better understanding.

I’m not going to lie, there is nothing that is intriguing me in terms of new anime series, I have watched the same ones I talked about last month, plus this one. I am waiting for attack on titan to finish before watching it all at once. I don’t think waiting every week for a new episode is something I can do for this series.

I am also waiting for shaman king to show in the spring, I loved shaman king when I was younger and I really want to revisit this series since it was one of my favorites. Also my hero academia season 5 is in the spring as well, so looking forward to seeing that.

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MUSIC/PODCASTS:

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Music for this month is mainly a playlist called dandelions playlist, this YouTube channel has a plethora of indie k-pop music and I love listening to this while painting and drawing, it really relaxes the mind.

I did say in the last months’ favorites that would maybe include some podcasts that I have been listening to and it’s also on YouTube as well

This one is not a podcast, but she may as well have one since she has really interesting takes on bad movies, her channel name is KennieJD, and she talks about bad movies in her series called “bad movies in a beat” I watched a lot of them and I really like the one she did on the “death note” live action movie, this is why I avoided watching that movie, being a huge fan of death note back in the day. All the things she said in her video are valid and I whole heartedly agree with all of it.

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So you have reached the end! Congrats!

I hope everything was informative and if you decided to read/watch any of the things mentioned in my favorites for this month, please let me know down below what you thought about it,

I also am doing a draw 6 characters challenge so if you’d like to participate please see that post on my tumblr page for details!

With that being said, please take care of your selves, we are still in the mist of this pandemic and I hope you are all well and taking care of your selves and your loved ones.

I’ll see you in the next monthly favorites.Thank you for reading,

Sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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[livelovelaug-h]

Sickness

Dean x reader Words 1000. Tags - @me-myself-i-and-joon @pastellittlexx . @supernaturaladdicted @supernaturalgirl85  @mystrie @dearhamilchill-221b @thatprofessionalfangirl

Summary- you have to leave the Winchester's because you can't keep bothering them with something personal .... THERES A BIG PLOT TWIST.!!

You have been sick your whole life, from the age of 20 going from hospital to hospital. It's exhausting and can get very expensive. And one problem your a Hunter. So being very very sick all the time and being a hunter isn't a very good match. You were 28 when you met Sam and Dean. You were getting better at the time but then you started getting very sick again.

You had this conversation way too many times before.

"y/n you aren't feeling very well today just stay in bed". Deans voice said.

"I've been in bed for a week now I need to get out".

"you don't want to get more sick". "fine I'll stay".

"Thank you. We'll be back before you know it i

Love you" and off he goes with a kiss to your cheek.

You were coughing like there was no tomorrow and now you have really bad chest pains not to mention a migraine. Sam and Dean got back just in time to see the scene that is about to happen. It's one there quite familiar with but still panick at.

You were laying down coughing really hard feeling blood coming up you leaned over the bed side and blood came up, while you were coughing..

Deans pov~~ "I can't believe it was that easy. That girl was totally hitting on you by the way ".

"no dean she wasn't".

"Sure- " he could hear the Terrible coughing sounds you were making. "I'm gonna go check on her. Y/n?"

He heard a gurgle sound outside the door and busted into your shared room.

The scene in front of him was terrifying. You were on your back with blood in your mouth chocking. If no one was there to sit you up you could die because you were too weak to get up.

Dean sat you up "SAM."

Sam came running in.

"we have to go to the hospital." He Pat's your back and picks you up to put you in the Impala. The whole time your coughing which then turns into your lungs wheezing.

You feel yourself drift off and then you feel your body shaking like someone was running with you. "HELP!! SHE NEEDS HELP" Dean screams. then everything goes black.

About 3 hours later wake up coughing of course. You saw Dean sitting next to you.

"I'll go get a nurse". You closed your eyes because yet again the love of your life had to see you go through that and look weak.

The nurse and the doctor come in. They use a pump on you to get the blood out your stomach before and now:

"take her in there and pump her stomach again!"

Not again you think.

When your finished the doctor says you should be good for alittle while but he thinks for only about a month.

He says that there might be a surgery that can help but it's very very expensive.

Of course everything is expensive that's why you never got the surgery in the first place.

"well how expensive?" Dean demands.

"well this visit today is about 1/4 of the price for the surgery." He says.

"how much will today's be" you ask.

"Somewhere around $3000"

Even with the credit cards you steal and use, wouldn't be able to pay for all this. Who has that much laying around.

"there has to be another way". Dean says loudly.

"I'm afraid not." The doctor says

Dean is about to get violent but Sam holds him back. "Dean come on". He says.

~~~~~

"You get to go home now are u ready? I'll help you get changed." Dean asks. With a forced smile.

"yeah can't wait". You say blankly.

"y/n it'll be fine. We'll find a way I promise."

"how we don't even have that much money?"

"stop worrying about the money. We always get it somehow. We will for this too".

"it took us almost 2 months to get the money for medicine last time it's not gonna be that easy. You can't keep wasting your money on me"

"... Alright don't go there. I'm not wasting it because it helps you and I can't lose you"

"I'm sorry dean"

"a

shh, it's not your fault babe. Let's get out of here".

at the bunker

You fell asleep as soon as you hit the bed and dean joins you after having about 5 beers.

You wake up with Dean next to you holding you tightly. You smiled and rubbed his cheek.

You kissed him and he woke up.

"5 more mins" you laughed hahaha

"you and your 5 mins. " You said getting up.

"I'm serious." He pulled you back down to him.

"okay okay fine"

After about 10 mins you guys made your way down stairs to Sam making pancakes and eggs.

"oh yummy thank you Sam. You didn't have to make this"

"no I wanted to" you lightly smile.

You guys had a day off again and it was amazing.

2 weeks later ~

You haven't been feeling to well again always tired.

11 am

You were in the library when you heard the boys saying they found another case and dean said he was going to go pack but you fell asleep again.

6pm

You woke up in your bed and dean was sitting next to you.

"what are you doing here? Did you finish the case already?"

"um no Sam got someone to go along with him so I could stay here with you. "

You sighed. "You didn't need to do that Dean. You can't just stay home because of me. "

"I wanted to it's fine."

"you can't do that forever."

"I know."

3 weeks later ~

Dean stayed home for the last case Sam found again and now he finally just left for the new one they sound this morning. It took a lot of convincing. He can't keep going on like this and neither can you.

"I have to leave the Winchesters behide. " You whispered and started packing your bags.

Or maybe there was something else you do . . .

But everything is temporary isn't it so why not.

You got the box and your Id and went into the woods.

"hello y/n. What can I help you with today?"

"I want to make a deal."

"hmm and what's this deal?

"I'll sell my soul to you but there's two things."

"aren't there always?"

"When I give you my soul, I want to be healed and I want 10 years."

"eh, that's a bit much dont you think."

"no.10 years isn't a lot"

"okay, it's a deal.". "really, just like that ?" You ask.

"well maybe one thing."

"it'll have to be 8 years." "why?"

"because there's rules with these things."

"fine." "Okay so 8 years and your soul will be mine and you'll be healed. Pleasure doing business with you."

"yeah. Now let's get this over with." You kissed the guy for alittle and then you pulled back and he was gone.

"Oh sam and dean won't be to happy about that will they?" You heard someone say and turned around.

"Lucifer?" You ask.

"in the flesh, yes." He laughs. "We're you even planning on telling them?"

"eventually." You say. "well what if I told you, I could get you out of that deal and heal you.? I would just need a favor"

"yea and what's that favor"? You ask. "Help me get my mojo back for a little and then your free to go." You didn't say anything thinking about his offer. "Not so bad right? What do you say"

[appareils-futiles]

I honestly don't even notice when a guy flirts with me. Whether he actually knows what he's doing or not. Even if he's like "I wanna get to get to know you better", I'm like, "but why?" Verbally and in my head I add "you can do so much better.

I've never been hit on by a guy I actually find physically attractive, and or a guy I actually have feelings for. Feelings have never been reciprocated that I joke that if a guy reciprocated them, I'd be so shocked I'd probably propose to him 😂🤪

Honestly even if a guy is blatantly flirting with me, I wouldn't notice. I'm so used to being alone and no one actually liking me, period, guy or girl, that being in love isn't even a thought to me. Like why? Who would want me.

I always wanted a big family because I was a lonely child and I sure as hell don't want my kids too far apart in age, but I'm not financially or physically stable for kids at all. I just turned 33 on Friday and it makes me sad that at this point I don't think il have any period. Because of everything I just said. If I were financially stable and physically stable etc, I'd still be single and I'm already 33, having never known love or even mutual like at 33 is truly embarrassing. Especially when people my own age or slightly older have had all these experiences. Love, dates, like, trips, meeting their friends/family, living together, shit even just walking down the street holding hands or sitting on the couch watching a movie.

But thinking back on life when I was a teenager, kids that weren't even born yet that I literally saw being born and grow up and held and played with as infants and toddlers, seeing them grow up and have all these experiences,especially with like having friends they can freely hang with, going to parties (not wild stuff), sleepovers, honestly even something as simple as talking on the phone. I know w boy,, who's 8 yrs younger than me who I literally saw grow up, literally and hes been in love twice and is currently engaged.

I missed out on so much with an overbearing/controlling/manipulative mom. I'm not saying she should of let me run wild or raise myself but when I tell you, and here I am. With nothing. I get why Rapunzel hated her step mom, I do. I wasn't allowed to have a social life. At all. The only time I ever interacted with kids my own age was at school lunch. Like an hour a day. And it got to the point that they stopped inviting me to parties, study groups, movies etc because they knew mom wouldn't allow it. And they would tell me that too. I even had one boy tell me I had such a huge crush on you like all freshman year but (without having met my mom) I heard how your mom is, so that date I wanted to ask you on, I never bothered. I didn't have my first date until I was 26. And it was with a guy I not only didn't like or was physically attracted to but he was a creep. That was just a month after having the sex for the first time. Drunk, but in control of my faculties. And that in itself was a disaster. It wasn't about mom not seeing me heartbroken or sad or whatever and it would break her heart to see me that way. It was about control. She controlled every single thing. And on top of that she was critical spent my entire life comparing me to my 10 yr older brother. "Well he didn't go to summer school. He didn't fail math. He always had friends to hang with and didn't stay in his room a lot like u do" etc etc. And honestly it ended up with him swearing at her to knock it off.

No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I was never gonna be good enough. And sure as hell no where near my brother.

She worked from home, and as a kid I'd see my older brother with house keys I'd be so jealous cause that meant he was trusted. He can come and go. He was either in middle school or HS and he was TRUSTED. He could go to a friend's house, he can play ball in the street or the park, he could join clubs at school, he did little league, and then played baseball as a teen, she'd go to all his games or practices whatever, and she was such an active supportive mom to him, he was in a music duo then a group as a teen and played clubs/halls whatever. And he was ALLOWED to do that. He was 17 when he left for the army. 17!! I was 7. What does that tell u?!

I never had an outlet. I was never in clubs or pagents or modeling or instrument lessons or dance or figure skating ⛸ (which is something I dreamed of from little kid to 21. I gave up on that dream by 21) protection is one thing but control is another. Thing Is because I was raised this way, I believe you cannot control your kids. "Your children are not your children they are the product of life's longing for itself, they come through you but they do not belong to you" said Kahlil Gibran and I believe that wholeheartedly. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere and play, not even to the courtyard with kids she knew, who's parents she knew, I wasn't allowed to have anyone over, talk on the phone, movies, social media didn't become a thing until maybe 11th grade, so 16 ish? And that she also had a problem with. She didn't see the fact I spent so much time online (never neglected school or chores btw!) Because it was my only outlet. It was the only way I spoke to people I wanted to speak to instead of her weird ass friends and lite kids. Then it was my clothing choices. "On you wear too much black, oh so you want makeup? Fine. But don't do it like that, do it this way, omg your hair, no u can't colour it, no you can't cut it. No you can get a mani/pedi, why do you wanna wax your legs, who you gonna be fucking that you need to have smooth legs?hmm?"

Once I got to HS, she became weirdly obsessed with my non existent sex life, like she's like "so have u kissed a boy yet?" Not in a tryna be my friend way or bond way but in a let me use this info to figure out how to manipulate u thing.

I always always wanted a mom I could just bond with and know she won't give me shit for experiencing life, like dating and love and heartbreak and acne and frizzy hair and finding out who my real friends are. And somehow, someway, I was somehow the impossible child.

I had nothing as mentioned, I was her only caretaker, I ran her business, worked there, I couldn't travel alone or with a friend because she'd be like "well what if I die while you're gone? My body will stink up the house and you're gonna so.bad u left me here to die" so there was none of that. I couldn't get a job outside the house, not for lack of trying. I couldn't go to LA or Miami for school like I hoped because it was "too far and I'd never ever make it without her especially alone", I always envied the freshman college movies and shows where there are dorms and frat parties and house parties and people making friends and having movie nights and coffee dates and whatever cause I always wanted that. I dreamed of rhat as far back as 8/9, I ALWAYS wanted to be a teen/early adult in the late 90s/early 2000s like my brother, tech free, internet free. Where people actually went out and had fun and talked and weren't on their phones all the time and knew how to share and have conversations and laugh and bond. I always wanted do be one of those kids at the TRL spring break in Cancun. You know, the ones, the ones in the water Watching their fave artists perform, throwing a beach ball around or dancing and having a great time. That to me was a dream. Ideal. Such a great era.

Imma have to finish this later.

[allyoureadislovemade]

Life, as I know it!!!

I have been thinking/trying since 2-3 days to share my thoughts with, well technically myself but i know someone will be reading me. Let's start from the start. i have lot of regrets in life, i have taken a lot of paths, made choices which lead me where i am now. And there are always what ifs in life, every two days i come across my thoughts and think about these what ifs. Regardless of my doubts, there are other things which cross my mind. i think i've seen so much in my life, sorrow, death, regrets.... and i have so much more left to see- will i be able to withstand it all?? ( i know i'm counting my negatives right now, and usually that is what i do ), what is the purpose of my existence. i know we are all the same, somedays we all think the same things. well, this is just a part of my train of thoughts, just somethings going on around me nowdays. i've been in and out of hospitals, medical shop. Cleaning, cooking, looking after, someone i owe to have saved me in the past. it's been 12 years , since this started in 2010, i saw Death again and again till 10 months ago . And now nothing affects me, nothing out-worldy but my own mind and my heart, nothing makes me absolutely happy. There were a lot of times in the past where i thought of giving up, i had no one to rely on to tell my story, my mind and heart to. Well technically i did but we were all kids u know. i feel giving up is not an option for any kind of reason, but doesn't one feel tired? that feeling to of letting it go for once, to stop fighting and barely living. i want to stop telling myself that i am okay coz i am not, im aware and there is nothing much i can do about it. i have seen changes in my self in these 12 years which nobody did ( thats the sad part when u know nobody sees you). i want someone to hold me, not to tell me ill be okay but just be there with me. someone i can speak to and cry, cry myself to sleep, till fatigue wears me out. i want to scream some days, to just not think, not feel leave all of it behind me. Funny, by the age of 14, i knew who life works. i am tired, i know i have been in depression, i have been introduced to anxiety as well, i cant stand people fighting , shouting, too much arguing, i get annoyed faster everyday. i am not what i remember i was when i was 8-10 year old. i wasn't this person. i was not supposed to be be this person. i try finding peace in small things, by just being with myself, my music, my books, stories, and my dreams at nights. Well, i have my medicine with me. Bangtan Sonyeondan , my 4 army friends and 2 bestfriends. Sometimes i like to remind myself that even if someone can't do anything much, but there are these people who are there with me everyday. i count my days with them, wake up and go to bed with them by my side at least. This is my small family which i have made myself for myself. i'm proud i made this myself, ill cherish them all my life. Hey! whenever u think of ur medicine, someone who soothes ur heart and clears ur mind, do not forget to make them smile a little, share the love and let them know they are loved. - 🤗🤗