#can safely say graduation was a good experience

[hplonesomeart]

We did it folks graduation achievement unlocked >:D

[msschemmenti]

monday morning guest

emily prentiss x reader

summary: emily gets a surprise visitor in the bullpen on monday morning.

a/n: crack idea i got driving past my neighbors house.

monday morning— bright and early. the bau team was finally back from a two week stent of back to back cases and emily was finally starting to settle into her role as unit chief. she was no hotch, but she was relying pretty heavily on her interpol experience and the bond the team had built over the years. with such a close knit team, it was always very easy to spot new comers in the office.

so when a woman breezed through the glass doors of the bullpen, emily wasn’t surprised to catch garcia’s bright pink cardigan hurrying after her to intercept the mystery woman. what she was surprised to see was a face she knew all too well.

y/n y/ln. in dc. in her bullpen? what alternate universe could she possibly have walked into this morning. she turned hastily to the mirror she kept in her office and started fluffing her hair quickly. she hadn’t seen y/n since her college graduation and it’s safe to say she looks very different now. not bad per say but older. feeling satisfied with her hair she rifled through her purse for some lipstick and anything to make her not look like it was monday morning.

down in the bullpen, y/n smiled at the brightly colored woman she’d just been stopped by. she scanned the bullpen over her shoulder hoping to catch sight of emily. after hearing the older woman had returned [allegedly from the dead], she hoped on the opportunity to pay her a visit while she was in town.

“good morning beautiful stranger. welcome to the bau, my name is penelope. can i help you with something?” the woman bounced in anticipation.

“hello, penelope. i’m actually looking for someone. your new unit chief actually.” y/n spoke as she shuffled the folder in her hand to shake penelope’s hand.

“emily? emily prentiss? do you have a crime case you’d like assistance on?” garcia asked.

“yes and no. she and i have some business to take care of, now that she’s returned stateside.” y/n smiled waving the folder in front of garcia.

“oh? business to take care of…” garcia repeated sweeping her eyes from the woman in front of her and emily’s office.

“mmhm. do you think she’s available for a little chat?” y/n asked nodding in amusement at the quirky woman.

“well i would think so— who should i say is here?”

“oh where are my manners, i’m y/n. she should remember me.” y/n smiled as garcia nodded her understanding before heading up the stairs to emily’s office.

“ma’am,” garcia spoke knocking on the open door of emily’s office.

“please stop calling me ma’am.” emily sighed wearily.

“sorry, im just nervous. there’s a really pretty woman down there saying she’s here to see you. and that you’ve got official business to take care of. well i don’t think she said official but she definitely said business. and she waved a folder in front of me. are you being sued or something?” garcia rambled.

emily eyed the tech analyst as she rambled and as she took a breath she held her hand up to stop her before she could start again. “y/n y/ln, right?”

“y/n— yes. i don’t know her last name but she said you should remember her. do you want me to go get her?”

“no, no. i’ll come down myself.” emily rose from the desk, giving herself another once over in the mirror before moving toward garcia and the door.

“wait, what was that?” garcia asked curiously.

“what— what was what? what are you talking about?” emily asked obliviously.

“did you just check yourself out? are you primping yourself? did you reapply your lipstick? oh this just got so much more interesting. who is this woman?” garcia jumped.

“i-what no to all of that,” emily lied as her cheeks heated. “and she’s just a friend from my college days.”

“yeah but what kind of friend? i don’t primp in my office when my college friends come to see me.”

emily peeked around the door frame into the bullpen and caught sight of y/n looking right back at her. the woman sent a flirty wave up toward the office and laughed softly as she watched emily’s cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“not now garcia.” emily mumbled as she straightened her clothes out one more time before descending the stairs to meet y/n. “y/n, what a surprise. what’s it been 10 years?”

“far more than that, em. you look good.” y/n smirked.

“wow, obviously not as good as you. garcia said you came on business?” emily replied trying and failing to tame the blush she’d been sporting since she headed down to the bullpen.

“well yes. and may i just say, you are one hard woman to track down.” y/n shook her head with a laugh.

“oh don’t i know it!” garcia piped in from her placed leaned against jj’s desk. at the intrusion, emily sent a glare her way. penelope grimaced and turned to face jj in fear.

“you’ve been looking for me?” emily asked curiously.

“i have for quite a while actually,” y/n smiled softly before waving the folder in emily’s direction. “we’re still married. and have been for about 20 years now. and let me just say, you’ve got a hell of a lot of anniversary gifts to make up for babe.”

“married?!” garcia exclaimed before slapping her hand over her mouth.

emily’s eyes widened exponentially as she caught all of the team’s eyes on her. the shock was evident on everyone’s face and she honestly couldn’t wash it off her own face.

“how about we go to my office and talk about this?” emily recovered, grabbing the folder and nodding toward the office upstairs.

“of course.” y/n nodded and followed emily into the office.

emily pointedly closed the door on prying eyes and turned to face y/n, “now that you’ve successfully fueled the office gossip fire for at least the next month. married for 20 years? is this about the netherlands? didn’t we get that annulled after we got back?”

“i thought so too. until i was a few weeks out from my wedding and they let us know that i was still in fact married according to netherlandian law.” y/n shrugged collapsing onto the couch.

“well i don’t think they call it netherlandian law,” emily paused catching the first part of what y/n said. “oh! you’re engaged. and i’m keeping you from getting married. i can try to get garcia to pull some strings online to help get the divorce finalized faster. or i can call someone over at interpol, im sure they can do something.”

y/n chuckled affectionately, “well while i appreciate the fact that you’d abuse your access to government resources for my sake. that ship has long sailed. the fact i was still married was the least of our problems. but i found that out and tried to track you down and that’s when your mother, still as lovely as i remember, let me know you had died.” y/n deadpanned, leveling emily with a look she knew very well.

“yeah, that was a whole thing.” emily grimaced.

“uh huh, im sure it was. after that, i just went with the whole widowed thing for a bit. until i heard again from your mother, so lovely, that you were alive again.”

“i didn’t realize you and my mother spoke so frequently.” emily mumbled taking a seat on the couch as well.

“you just keep giving us reasons to gab. anyways, i was in the states and figured id try to catch you after all these years. i brought the papers and figured you could sign them.”

“of course. i wouldn’t want to keep you from another marriage.” emily nodded hastily grabbing a pen to sign off.

“ah i figured you’d have run into the issue before me.”

emily dotted her and slid the folder back to y/n, “no, no one worth marrying. well besides you apparently.”

y/n smiled and giggled, “had i been aware, i would’ve been a far better wife to you but at least i didn’t widow you.”

“oh come on! what do you want me to say? had i known we were still married, i wouldn’t have died?” emily laugh incredulously.

“you had a wife to come home to, it could’ve been motivation.”

emily’s smile was free and contagious, “god you haven’t changed a bit.”

“not much sweet, but i can tell you have. lot of responsibility you got here agent.” y/n smiled sadly. “i hope you’re taking care of yourself. and your team.” there was a beat of admiration that washed over y/n’s face before she sighed and gathered the papers. “listen i’ll get out of your hair. thanks for divorcing me. always a pleasure seeing you.” y/n stood from the couch, emily following.

“of course, are you headed back right away?” emily asked hopefully.

“no i’m in the states for a bit for work, why?” y/n asked.

“oh i was just curious. figured maybe i could make up for this 20 anniversary dinners i missed.”

y/n grinned, “agent prentiss, are you asking me on a date?”

“i think i might be asking you on at least 20, if you want to of course.”

y/n walked over to emily’s desk and grabbed a pen and sticky note. scribbling something down and tucked the post it in emily’s blazer pocket with a smirk. “you better get planning then.” y/n threw a wink over her shoulder and left the office with a smile. all the agents scattered to make it seem like they weren’t intently trying to figure out what was going on behind the closed door. y/n stopped at garcia and smiled sweetly, “thank you penelope. have a good day everyone.”

everyone mumbled their replies and watched as emily’s alleged wife exit the bullpen. as soon as the elevators closed they all hurried up the stairs to emily’s open door.

“you’re married?!” garcia was the first to exclaim and emily sighed in exasperation. she eyed her chosen family and knew she wasn’t getting out of answering this. at all.

[pretzel-box]

Headcanons for all current Sebastian Versions including

-Sunkissed! Sebastian

-Octoboy! Sebastian

-AASB! Sebastian

and Human!Sebastian

SUNKISSED

—Sebastian is married you after graduating from university. He was very into IT while you were the art and crafts person. You two met because Sebastian was your private tutor and soon eough you started dating during university.

—He has a small journal where he writes important memories in of you during his time in the Blackside, since he is scared that he will forget those someday.

—He is touch starved since you are a very clingy person, and now he misses your warm hugs and gentle headpats.

—Homecooked meal person. He is the one doing the cooking and he kept the habit as best as he could in the blackside.

—He is overall softer, he had a good life before Urbanshade and it's showing in his personality. Sometimes he has a small moment of rage before going all quiet and soft, crying alone in the dark and blaming himself for everything that has happened.

OCTOBOY

—Sebastian has many faded bite scars on his hands, they are barely visible but still existing. He has the habit of feeding you, but you aren't good at aiming with your mouth, biting him and not the treat he tries to give you.

—His Shop is not as stuffed as original. Most items are secure on his tail or on high shelves, knowing that you are a bit too curious. Sebastian will always watch out that you are only able to reach the stuff that you are supposed to reach.

—Sometimes he is awake at night to think of good stories or songs that he can use for your bedstory time. He doesn't know any from his childhood so he improvises by sugarcoating the entities. Ah yes, did you ever counted Wall Dwellers jumping over a fence when you had a sleepless night?

—Sebastian gained the skills of a mother when he got you. Cleaning, cooking and babysitting are next to his usual activities on the top of his list. And should he be busy with scavenging then he just drops you of at Sasha or Painter.

—He would never say it but you are his new motivation to get out, to give you a better life and showing you that there is more.

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

—Sebastian is cold, manipulative, agressive and a master when it comes to deceiving people. He will gaslight you into believing he is your alley, he will gain your trust and he can and will play the knight in shining armor without feeling even a bit attached to you.

—He is violent and rough. Once you are on his bad side, you turn into his personal stress toy. Getting thrown to the side, getting pulled by the hair or even hits and slaps. He has no mercy and once you start to cry or scream, he just gags you and throws you in a locker.

—Yandere. If he ever falls in love, he would be a yandere type of lover. Love will blind him since it replaces his rage. Don't be fooled, he will be the toxic kind of yandere, suffocating you with his controlling behaviour to keep you safe.

—He is the most evil version of them all, showing plenty of red flags. And yet, there is a small, very small glimpse of kindness in him. He wouldn't admit it, but he wouldn't kill without an actual reason. That's it.

—Sebastian has a hand, or three, for tinkering and building stuff. So he will most likely just put together a tracker and put it on people he has a close eye on. You included. He's a little stalker, isn't aware tho.

HUMAN

—He will hang around the shop because of you. You are his favorite person and he thinks you are beautiful even after Urbanshade experimented on you.

—He will sing when hes alone. He would literally go through a dark hallway while singing a Katy Perry song since he once read that singing reduced anxiety and boredom. Doesn't mean he is good at singing.

—Most normal of them all and the most basic. Not much trauma, but enough sass. He will either jokinly insult you or share cooking tips.

—He is good at art, so he will doodle when he has a safe moment and takes a break.

—He smokes. Or at least used to smoke. He had to stop when he got to the Blackside but he was still suprised when you told him you could smell it on him.

[gynandromorph]

god this shit took forever to sketch. another NofNA emulation comic. it reminds me of the midterms in secretary, for obvious reasons, but Legend is sort of an inverse secretary situation, where she is exceptional at fighting, but wants to write.

let me see what i can remember...

PS, the blue-eyed black lemur, has been friends with Legend since their mutual first season at college, as mentioned above her reference sketch... they probably became more friendly after being paired up to peer edit each others' work. PS has since graduated from college and works as a markscraft. Legend frequently commissions PS to scribe for her, not only because they are friends, but because PS is one of the few markscrafts in the area who isn't a rodent. many primates go into law or medicine. mainly Legend commissions notetaking in classes -- she is too insecure to share her stories. PS has a more relaxed, informal personality, and i tried to get that across -- i think it's relevant to why she decided to become a markscraft instead of pursuing more intense study. still, i also tried to get across that they are good friends, not just scribe and customer, particularly with the amount of touching that PS does. the impulse to touch and groom is probably innate for her as a primate. there isn't as much information about her species, but in ring-tailed lemurs, lemurs usually only groom based on the strongest bonds, rather than more communal aggregate grooming as a sort of social currency. i honestly don't know what PS would need to note during finals, but i think Legend just Wanted her there anyway.

the bird, DL, fighting the squirrel, GG, is a grey shrike. i imagine him as an average student in the middle of his education, but i think he is in the class for combat purposes, because pressure point manipulation can be incredibly powerful, more so if from a less expected species like a bird.

mr. deciding is a much more serious, no-nonsense teacher, possibly due to his specialty. when you're teaching students how to explode a kidney with a handshake, you probably just play it safe and try to put the fear of god into them before any kidneys get exploded. i wanted this class to have a much heavier emphasis on safety of the participants than the class in secretary, with a more focused goal than "who can beat the shit out of each other better." i think the goal of fighting to show off knowledge here is still Fucking Insane, but it's just. their culture, i guess. you can technically "move" your pressure points, so being able to defend yourself by utilizing this knowledge can also show off what you've retained. the mouse next to him is a proctor, who is an extra teacher brought in to judge and often write for another teacher, but primarily as a peacekeeper and bouncer. in classes where a student can theoretically totally disable a teacher by just touching them once, the precaution is seen as necessary. the mouse is probably a combat-oriented point invocation instructor.

the mandrill, MK, is a first-season or first-year student -- i assume that one class, from midterms to finals, is a season, as secretary seems to start near autumn. midterms have snow, and finals are during early spring. anyway, that's tangential. i think he's very new to the educational system. i pictured him as a medical student. in his fighting style, i made him more defensive; he doesn't really know nearly as much about attacking an opponent in a fight. he does think at least about his opponent's most immediate reactions, but doesn't have enough experience with fighting to think ahead to the degree that Legend does. you can see him make the same mistake that Legend did against Machinations, which disables his non-dominant hand. needless to say, he will probably always be aware of headbutt proximity now. he attempts to use two factures in the fight within a style meant to evoke debilitating vertigo by manipulating the connection between the occular, vestibular, and proprioceptive systems. it's obvious that he created the style from his medical classes. it is fairly empty as far as styles go. interrupted facture: nystagmus, which causes the world to spin around the opponent by involuntarily twitching the eyes back and forth. second facture: strabismus, which misaligns the pupils, primarily impeding aim. denied by Legend because a honey badger does not rely on vision or a vestibular system as much as a primate does -- not something he really considered when making the style. factures that never ended up being used: pursuit, which forces the target to follow a spinning image of themselves instead of looking where they should; and mask's lasting, which forcibly initiates saccadic masking, suppressing the intake of new visual information altogether.

the large bird is a bateleur. the mouse is just a regular house mouse. the lizard is an ornate sandveld lizard. the opponent of the lizard is a common mole-rat, also called an african mole-rat (even though most species of mole-rats live in africa). the monkey god i'm not super sure but i believe it's just a vervet monkey. the other mouse is also a common house mouse.

GG is a second-year student, which is the last year for a rodent. i think she's been kind of aimless -- she thinks incredibly fast as a squirrel, and finds solving problems in the moment to be a much more successful endeavor than trying to plan ahead. she doesn't worry about the future and doesn't ruminate on the past much. she's aware that she isn't the best ever and doesn't apply herself as much as others, but it also doesn't particularly bother her. kind of ironic, given the aesop she slops onto Legend after the fight. i imagine that she will eventually choose the name Serendipity. i tried to write her lack of foresight, but compensatory quick thinking in both fights. like the shrike, GG is a combat-oriented student. the style she briefly introduces at the beginning is called fanciful flower's delightful blight. it is based on the deadly nightshade flower and its berries -- which are toxic, obviously, and a hallucinogenic. squirrels flick their tails for many reasons, and the most common reason is simply a default flicking to attract predators. their tails are designed to "deglove" easily; if a predator lunges for their tail, which is the moving part of them, the skin and fur will tear off, and the squirrel can escape. delightful blight utilizes the attention-grabbing flicking of the squirrel's tail as a nightshade plant to induce a trance-like state. the berries represent temptations so much more pleasing than what you ought to focus on. a nice berry and a flower to smell are so much nicer than struggling in a fight. even when you resist them, they linger in your mind, and "plant seeds" when the berry falls as self-restraint is worn down over repeated abstinence from the temptation. factures induce hallucinations and nausea. she primarily uses the base rodent style to fight Legend here, but also uses base squirrel style twists, which include more acrobatics, backflipping, and contortions.

the two things that really catch Legend off-guard use limbs that she doesn't have, and most opponents don't have -- elbows long enough to use defensively, and a long, rope-like tail. she is otherwise supposed to be fairly adept at analyzing what an opponent will do, usually a few steps ahead, related to her ability to fabricate narratives quickly. you can see her also come up with a lie for kicking GG fairly quickly... she was going to say the impulse was in her legs because she was trying to move away from GG's strike.

anyway if any part of this fight is like... unfathomable i can probably explain. i've already been typing for way too long, lmfao

[joanofexys]

i don't want to start a war or anything but i know nothing about cults. so i'm really curious if you have any thoughts on former ravens being in a long-term relationship with other former ravens once they're out of that environment. like maybe it's realistic or maybe it wouldn't cause as many problems as one would assume...

OKAY SO

this is actually such a good question and something i’m very excited to talk about. yet another disclaimer that my experience is unique, as are all cult survivors, and my opinion isn’t like an objective fact just observations from being a cult a survivor. since i haven’t made a cult post in awhile

but cult survivors tend to flock to each other. without even realizing most of it the time. as a cult survivor the majority of my friends are fellow cult survivors. some of them i grew up with and others i befriended without even knowing they were in a cult. you’ll hear a lot of queer people or neurodivergent people talk about their friend groups being predominantly queer or ND just by complete coincidence and i’d say a very similar thing happens to cult survivors. and of course a lot of us also seek each other out as support systems for a sense of community and understanding and shared experiences.

and there are couples who are in cults together and often get married while in the cults who will often deconstruct and leave together. obviously it seems like the majority of the time it’s just one person in the couple leaving the cult but i wouldn’t discount the amount of couples who leave together or say they’re a rarity.

all that to say i think it’s very likely for couples who were secretly together in the nest to stay together. especially because a lot of ravens haven’t worked through the mindset of being in a cult. that us vs them mentality.

it actually probably seems beneficial to them once they graduate. and it’s probably something that reflects well in the media too. a raven couple signing to the same team and then later publicly being a couple. the media gets to use that “power couple” sort of spin. the ravens get someone who understands and a way to still rely on the partner system. it’s a safe option.

and there’s a couple ways it can go. they feed into each other’s patterns. they cling the nest and everything they were taught. they might function fine that way but they’re not healing. they’re not unlearning anything. it could even make it worse, send them spiralling downwards. they could crash and burn. or it’s a way to slowly adjust to the outside world. they don’t drown without someone by their side. it’s a way to ease into everything with someone that understands. and maybe with that they get the time to think about everything they were put through. as they recognize what was wrong with the nest they have someone to turn to when they feel like they can’t tell anyone else. they get to work through things together. relearn healthy relationships and boundaries and how to be people again. and those things that are too heavy, too shameful, too gut wrenching to confess to anyone who didn’t go through it too can finally be said.

or there’s the option of ravens who never dated in the nest seeking each other out afterwards and dating. this is probably something messy and unhealthy for former ravens who have never tried to heal. they’d likely flock back to each other and become codependent, fall back into habits in the nest. but it also has the opportunity of being something healthy. it’s that same sense of community, of understanding.

even former ravens who have adjusted to life outside the nest, who have relearned how to be people, may not feel comfortable with dating or with being surrounded by people who just don’t understand. and i’m not saying that cult survivors can’t date non cult survivors. obviously those relationships happen and they can be fully healthy and loving with a lot of understanding and growth. they work just fine. but there might be some ravens who feel like that’s not possible for them. they’ll find people with similar experiences, other ravens, who just get it.

in general i think it’s incredibly likely that a lot of ravens tend to reconnect or stay together outside of the nest. and that has the potential to be good or bad. i don’t doubt that some of them just cut each other off entirely. some might be more causal friends than anything. but maybe they meet up for breakfast when they’re playing in the same city. they might send each other wedding invites or christmas cards. a text with a therapist’s information and a mention that they’ve been really helpful in working through things. a lot of them might be a lot closer. teams made up almost entirely of former ravens. a lot of them might be roommates. they spend a lot of time together on and off the court. a change from their obligated time spent together in the nest to actually becoming friends. ravens retiring together and following each other into the same field. coaches, journalists, commentators. eventually moving further away but staying in touch. regular phone calls and texting every day.

the ravens healing does not necessitate them cutting each other out of their lives. though that’s something that people might assume. they can continue to co-exist and even maintain relationships with each other in a healthy way if they do it right. and a lot of them might do it unhealthily anyway. it’s unlikely that ravens uninterested in healing or working through trauma will let each other go when their system relied on an unhealthy level of dependency.

[yandere-paramour]

hi! i was reading your blog for quite a while, and wanted to say that i really enjoy reading things you write!! thank you so much, it gives me pretty much comfort during study days (hope that didn't sound weird)

anyway what are your thoughts on Darling who is in her 20s and still a uni student? (maybe some Atalanta headcanons... she is my fav)

No, I know EXACTLY what you mean, I'm clawing myself through grad school right now and I NEED my yandere accounts to keep me sane on those days when you have to lock in and study 6 hours. I'm really glad you like my writing, it makes me so happy that I am reaching people :)

Atalanta with a College Student

Of course, Ata takes you the second she finds you. She just can't help herself, she has to have her love near her

But after all your kicking and screaming and begging her not to interrupt your studies, she relents

The Montclairs highly prize education, and even though Atalanta wants you, she doesn't want to ruin your degree over it; she really doesn't want you to hate her

And you're so young, she doesn't want to ruin your university experience because of her own needs

So you and she decide on a compromise

You can stay at university and will continue to go to classes and be a good Darling, and in return she gets to be in your life

You will move into a safe apartment she picks for you with one of her trusted bodyguards, and they guard will accompany you (discretely) everywhere you go, for your own safety

Atalanta will come see you several times a week to get to know you and eventually you will graduate, she will become your girlfriend, and she will marry you

You, having no choice if you want to keep even a little freedom, agree

The apartment is gorgeous. No one will tell you the exact price but you can tell it is expensive. Everything is clean and modern, and you have a bedroom and an office to yourself. Atalanta says your areas for sleeping and working should be separate for your health

The guard is a really nice woman who basically watches over you, and it feels refreshing to go about your day unconcerned that anyone will harass or kidnap you

You never have to cook or clean, and anything you even mention wanting shows up at your apartment the next day

Atalanta even allows you to go out and have fun, provided you take the guard with you and you don't engage in any substances (which you weren't interested in anyway)

You have lots more time to study and sleep and engage in your hobbies, and you're eating better than you have since you were a toddler

The only thing you're unsure about is Atalanta

Four times a week you come home to find her sitting at your kitchen table, quietly working on documents while she waits for you

She always greets you with a smile and a hug, and you can't help but admit her hugs are warm and comforting

She asks about your day and eats with you, choosing to spend the evening doing whatever you want

She seems to be just happy to spend life in your presence, looking at you like you are the sun in the sky

She never overstays her welcome, she always knows when you're overwhelmed and you need her to leave.

She gently and chastely kisses your cheek and bids you goodbye, having a short word to your guard that you can't hear

You don't know how you feel about her

She's striking and thoughtful you certainly have some complicated feelings for her you try to work out underneath your blankets, but you're still a kid and you don't know if you're really ready for something like this

She's a beautiful, intelligent, queer CEO of a company that runs your city, and you're just... you. You don't know if you're really worthy of standing by her side.

In the car, Ata frowns at the sight on her phone. Her precious Darling is feeling... unloved? Undeserving? Inadequate? Ata won't stand for it.

A few texts to Noelle and Ata has arranged to take you out for dinner next week where she will present you with a promise ring, a symbol of her earnest devotion to you and her commitment to make you hers as soon as you graduate.

"Just you wait, Darling," Ata whispers to your visage on her phone as you blink your tears back, "Just a little longer. I'll make it all better soon."

[youre-a-total--poser]

Don't Worry Mama (Request)

heyyyyy. Can you make a story which happened in age of ultron specifically in the scene where wanda messed up their head and they went to clint's house. Y/n is nat and steve's secret daughter, about 5yo (nat didn't go through graduation ceremony) and they both know about clint's family as y/n is staying with the bartons. At first y/n is happy to see her parents again and some other time, she notices that her parents mind always off and she asks them what happened. Y/n learned the truth about her parents' past and she comforts them (the fluffiest the better )

Warnings: There's one somewhere but I just haven't found it yet.

Age: 5

Word Count: 1,238

Requests: Open

Summary: Read the request and it will explain everything

Requested by: Wattpad User

Date: 03/06/2024

Paring: Natasha and Steve

A/N: Thank you for your request I hope that you like it. The story might not be the best, especially since it's the first time in months that I've written anything but I hope that it's still somewhat good.

---⧗---

The mission had left everyone shaken up from the unpleasant experiences of one of the Maximoff twin's abilities.

The journey to the safe house was spent in silence while everyone sat remembering what they were forced to witness.

After the Quinjet had landed they made the short walk to the house. Tony and Thor were asking questions about what this place was and Steve had his arms around Natasha keeping her upright while they walked.

"Honey, I'm home," Clint called out as he walked in the house and into the living room while the Avengers followed close behind.

A woman appeared who (not making assumptions) looked heavily pregnant from around the corner and made her way over to Clint

While Clint greeted the woman Tony and Thor were all confused about who she was whereas Bruce who just standing off to the side looking awkward and uncomfortable and Steve and Natasha gave off the impression that they somehow already knew who she was.

"Gentleman, this is my wife, Laura," Clint said.

Before anyone could say anything else the sound of running footsteps could be heard getting closer and closer. Two young children came running into the room and a third one followed seconds later.

"Daddy!" the two children shouted and ran over to Clint giving them hugs whereas the other child stood slightly away from them. The young girl looked different from the other two, they both had dark brown hair whereas she had ginger hair.

"Did you bring Mama and Dada?" The young girl asked. She didn't think to look around first because most of the time Clint came home without her parents they had to stay wherever they were to finish completing their tasks before they were allowed to come home.

"Why don't you hug them and find out?" Natasha said moving closer so her secret daughter could see her.

A large smile appeared on the young girl's face as she rushed towards Natasha, who picked her up in her arms and hugged her tightly. Steve came closer to them, put his hand on the back of her head and kissed her cheek.

Tony looked at the three of them even more confused than before. "How did I not know about this? Did anyone else know about this?"

---⧗---

As the sun set and the dark began to take over Natasha was sitting on the bed while Steve was in the bathroom finished helping their daughter get ready for bed. While Natasha was waiting she couldn't stop the horrible memories from replaying over and over in her head of what she was made to see.

Natasha suddenly came back to reality as felt small tugs on her pyjama pants. She looked down she saw her young daughter struggling to climb up onto the bed. Natasha picked her up and placed her onto her lap then wrapped her arms around her waist and gently rested her cheek on the top of the young girl's head.

Steve walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed next to his wife and daughter.

"Are you okay?" He asked Natasha as he placed his hand on her knee and gently stroked it with his thumb.

"I'm fine." She replied giving him a soft smile.

But, of course, she wasn't fine but by saying she wasn't she would have to explain why not and she really didn't want to talk about it.

Steve also knew that she wasn't but he didn't pry he knew better not to he just hoped that being back with their little girl in a safe place would be exactly what she needed to make her feel more herself again.

The young girl knew that something was wrong. Her parents especially her mom have been acting differently from the moment they reunited.

"Why are you sad Mama?" She asked turning herself around slightly so she could look at her mom.

"How do you know that I'm sad baby?" Natasha said as she tucked her daughter's hair behind her ear.

"Cause you're not happy." The young girl said.

Natasha let out a quiet chuckle at her daughter's response. "It's just work Y/N, baby, nothing to worry about."

"What happened?" Y/N asked resting her head on her mama's chest. "It can't be the bad guys 'cause you're good at stopping them, Mama."

"Am I good at stopping bad guys?" Steve asked his daughter trying to distract her from the original conversation so Natasha wouldn't have to talk about it, especially to a 5-year-old.

The young girl thought for a second and when the answer came into her mind a cheeky grin appeared on her face "Yes, but not as good as Mama." Then she started giggling.

Steve let out a gasp "What?" he asked then started tickling her.

"That's my girl," Natasha said tightly hugging her daughter and kissing the top of her head.

After Y/N had calmed down from laughing Steve had hoped that she would have forgotten the whole conversation but she hadn't she went straight back to asking questions. "So if not the bad guys then what is it?" Y/N asked

"Just something that Mama got made to see." Natasha told her knowing fine well that Y/N would ask more questions. "it's bedtime little miss."

Steve stood up and lifted Y/N off Natasha's lap. "I'm not tired Daddy." She said.

"Yes, you are." Steve then dropped Y/N onto the bed and she started laughing as landed on the bed and bounced slightly.

"Again." Y/N giggled raising her hands into the air.

"No," Steve said pulling the covers back.

As Y/N moved herself in the middle of the bed her parents got in at either side of her.

Once everyone was settled and the light was turned off Y/N let out a big sigh.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Natasha asked.

"When I'm sad you ask me about it then you give me cuddles to me better but I can't give you cuddles till after you tell me," Y/N explained.

Natasha sighed. She knew that Y/N wouldn't let it go till she was told. "Okay Y/N if I tell you then will you go to sleep?"

"Yes, mama I promise," Y/N said.

Y/N cuddled in closely to her mother getting ready to listen to her.

Natasha started to explain very, very briefly without going into too much detail that would frighten the young girl about what happened during their later mission and about her past.

After Natasha had finished, Y/N climbed on top of her and laid down on her then Natasha hugged her daughter tightly.

"Don't worry Mama me and Daddy will protect you. We won't let those bad people hurt you again." Y/N said.

Steve moved over closer towards his wife and daughter and put his arms around them pulling them in close. "That right, hon, we'll protect your Mama always."

"Right, baby girl, it's sleep time now," Natasha said gently stroking her daughter's back.

For the first time since Natasha and Steve returned, Y/N had been silent.

"Is she sleeping?" Natasha whispered to Steve.

Steve carefully moved the hair out of Y/N's face and her eyes were closed. "Yes she is," he whispered back.

Steve moved over slightly and gently lifted up Y/N from Natasha and placed her back down on the bed.

"Sweet dreams baby," Natasha said softly then kissed her daughter's head.

"Night, babe," Steve whispered.

"Night, honey," Natasha mumbled back.

---⧗---

Taglist - @saraaahsstuff // @knox145 // @dogtamer415 // @romanoffliviv

Go HERE to be added to the taglist

[cupcraft]

Based on my own experiences with many emotionally abusive PI's and also being groomed by one, I wanted to make a list of things to look out for. I am speaking from my own experiences, but I do think it's important. I hope this helps you, for any fellow people in stem, in academia, in research, or in university. Some of the examples I use are ones I have either experienced personally, I know people who have experienced similar, or ones I thought of based on my experience.

Professors should communicate with you over email primarily, or school/work approved channels. It can be a red flag if they use your personal number to contact you and especially if they show anger or feel threatened you try to keep the conversations over safe channels (like your school email).

Professors should not be contacting you about personal things, asking you to be their emotional support system, asking you personal questions, love bombing you, talking to you "like a friend", etc. It is important your mentor keeps a professional boundary between you and them when you are their direct employee or student. I say this because I realize some people may say "Ever since I've graduated I am close and good friends with my old PI/professor", but what I am talking about is when you are their student and the professional boundaries are blurred and crossed. For example, a professor texting you "Hello can we change our meeting to 2PM?" or "How is your data collection going?" or "Good job at the conference. I am proud of you!" are examples of likely professional statements. Examples that are not professional and are inappropriate can be "I'm at a bonfire at my friends house, you should come by next time!" and "Do you like the picture UNIVERSITY just took of me?" and something like "How are you doing tonight? I'm have a beer and a good dinner, going to be a blast."

it is never appropriate for them to yell at you or belittle you. It is never appropriate for them to degrade or embarrass you. If you make a mistake it is your mentor's responsibility to communicate that you made a mistake and be clear about their expectations of you going forward. It is also appropriate for your professor to give you constructive criticism, to give you expectations and deadlines, correct you when you are wrong about something, and express mild or professional level of disappointment when you do something irresponsible (for example, working with a chemical unsafely around another coworker, if you say something unprofessional or inappropriate that warrants correction, if you do not meet a deadline for something time sensitive like a federal grant application, etc.) It is not appropriate for them to be disappointed or guilt tripping about human errors and mistakes. You should not fear being corrected by your mentor, you should not be afraid to admit mistakes, you should not feel like they have "good days" and "bad days" when it comes to these things, you should not be held accountable for things out of your control (ie the experiment fails and needs to be redone even though you made no mistakes and your technique was fine). You should never be yelled at. You should not be given critique with no solutions (ie your professor saying "You don't work hard enough" and then giving you no reasons or constructive reasons why, ie your professor saying "Your emails annoy me" with no reasons or constructive solutions to improving your communication). Professors should also not hold you accountable for things that are their fault (ie your mentor yells at you for not submitting something on time that they never told you was due or that they wanted within in a specific time). You also should be mindful that professor's like anyone else in your life should have appropriate levels of reactions to things, even more so with a professional boundary. For example, if you miss a meeting them screaming at you and insulting you and acting like this is the ultimate betrayal is not an appropriate reaction to that mistake.

Your mentor should not joke inappropriately with you. They should not tell you jokes that obscure professional lines or are concealed belittlement. Examples: "If you don't pass your test I'll whip you!", [sexual/romantic/intimate jokes of any kind]. "I was confused by your email, must be all the beer I've been drinking!".

Your professor should not be talking about other students, coworkers, and even other professors behind their back to you. Example, "UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT is so dramatic when she makes mistakes don't you think?", "OTHER PROFESSOR doesn't deserve to get grants, I can't believe you're taking his class", "YOUR COWORKER has been going through a lot these past few months + [proceeds to tell you personal & private information about them]"

The hardest part about school/research/academia should bet he work. It can be difficult and burnout is common especially when deadlines out of your control comes up and understandable (given that you are not being overworked). What shouldn't be difficult is the mentor you have. You should not be burnt out, depressed, or exhausted because of how your mentor treats you. You should not fear going to work. You should not have to lie/people please/perform to avoid a "bad day" from your mentor. You should not be made to cry, or mentally break down weekly or even daily or even ever by your mentor.

It can be a red flag if your professor insults you to your face but to colleagues/other professors/other professionals they sing your praises and over-compliment you.

Your professor should not ask you to do things that are unsafe or illegal. They should not ask you to do things that are OSHA violations, against federal lab safety guidelines (ie via the state DOT, EPA, EHRS, etc). They should not ask you to transport things in your car that could be unsafe, especially over state lines.

Maybe stem specific, but do not work in a lab that does not follow HIPAA guidelines, that does not follow the IRB, that does not follow the iACUC. For your own safety career wise + personally, this is not a safe situation to be in.

Mentors should not ask you things that are personal or private about you without you stating it first/giving the okay. Examples: asking about family, asking about health status and medications, asking about disabilities/mental health diagnoses, asking about sex and romantic life, asking about drinking and or drug use, asking intimate details about your outside friends and family, etc. It is not to say you cannot talk about these things, but they should not ask you and boundaries and consent is important here.

Red flag could be how your professor treats other students, even if you feel like they are "treating you well."

it could be a red flag if your professor overly rewards you or gives you intimate and expensive gifts. This is very much context dependent. Here's some examples from my groomer that I have catalogued as appropriate and not appropriate: When I was close to graduating he gifted me a hardcover book of a mathematical theorem we were studying, which I saw as appropriate. What i saw as inappropriate, was him giving me chocolates/cookies + intimate notes/cards for my birthday.

It is not necessarily unprofessional to have lunch with your professor or even other meals but again this can be context dependent (+ within your own boundaries). Potentially appropraite: "Hello. I need to reschedule our meeting for Noon? Can we meet over lunch?". Likely inappropriate (example from my own groomer): over text says something like "Rolls the dice...lunch? We can then walk around PARK NEAR YOUR HOUSE together."

Red flags can be that a professor starts to blur professional lines after you leave their lab or graduate, especially as these boundaries were pushed throughout the relationship.

Professors should be open to constructive criticism as a mentor and take accountability healthily and non defensively.

Professors should not be texting or calling you "off hours". There are some very specific situations this may be appropriate (Ie you are a graduate student and your professor who also does benchwork in the lab calls you with a lab related emergency regarding your samples (ie the freezer broke) or regarding safety if you are on the emergency contact list). They should not be calling you for personal matters/chatting you up like you are a friend/dating.

It is never appropriate to be asked to do romantic or sexual favors from a professor. It is also inappropriate for them to blackmail you

[iaminfourthwing]

The Generals Daughter

a/n: finally the first chapter is here and the next one is almost ready for upload. I apologize in advantage, because I am still a bloody beginner in terms of writing. still, enjoy!

Chapter I

Conscription day will forever be one of the deadliest every year, right before Threshing. Ever since the first time I witnessed this from afar I hate it with all my heart. All year I have the same “privilege”, how my father would call it, to watch the candidates, that passed the entrance exam six month prior, fall to their death. And those who survive the Parapet either graduate or going to get killed – due to other cadets or dragons. One wrong move and all you will be is dead meat.

Today is possibly my last day on earth. I have to cross the Parapet myself to get into the Riders Quadrant but according to the General, I will just do fine – I am a Melgren and I have ten years of training in my bones after all. I am still not so sure about this, but I have no say in this. Not anymore.

Somewhere in between these masses of candidates must be a certain other general daughter and I really fucking hope she survives this. Even though she doesn't look like she could kill a fly, I believe wholeheartedly in her. She is strong and if someone can do this, it's her, even if she doesn't knows it yet. I tried to talk to her mother but she wouldn't budge, nothing would change her mind. Even Mira tried it more than once and if the General isn't listening to her, then she won't listen to anyone.

The orders from my father five days ago were clear – wait till the end, when everyone else is done, then I'll cross the Parapet alone. On the other side at the entrance to the quadrant will wait a third year that'll bring me to formation into the Dragon Rotunda. Commandant Panchek is informed that I'll join the Quadrant and which wing.

And with that I am waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

I have a good spot to observe these kids, trying to survive this death trail and see some of them already fall. I don't understand how some of them want to become a rider after all. So many of them volunteer to join the quadrant while others don't have a choice, like me. Malek lingers at every possible corner and no one is safe from him. Having a dragon might be “thrilling”, how many officers describe it, but till you possibly get to this point you could be dead, or worse.

These dragons are terrifying, like that beast of a dragon my father bonded all those years ago, long before I was born.

The weather isn't in anyone’s favor today – the storm took a turn at some point. Even though the sunrise was beautiful, it left a bitter aftertaste as the dark clouds covered the sky. For some of them it was their last sunrise ever.

It's been more than two hours since the first one entered the Parapet and there aren't many candidates left. I make out a figure striking over the stones like they own this place and – did they just threw another candidate down?!

My heart starts racing, my breathing becomes uneven, and I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Shit, now?!

`Take a deep breath, Arya. You`ll do this alone, no one can throw you down and no one will interrupt you.’

I just really hope I`ll never have to meet this asshole. I may look tough and have more fighting experience than others, but those people are unpredictable. And I certainly don`t have my father’s signet to see if I could win a fight against him, so I really want to avoid this guy.

A knock on the door interrupts my train of thoughts and when I turn, one of the officers from infantry stands at the door. “It's time” is the only thing he says. Shit.

Around fifteen minutes later I find myself lingering at the edge of the Parapet. No one else is around, the officer walked away the moment, I stepped foot into the tower.

Only a few centimeters separate me and the abyss. Just a few centimeters left and then I'll be out in the open while the rain thankfully eases into a slight drizzle.

`Okay Arya – you`ve got this. Take a deep breath – and step forward.’

Well … it takes me about three minutes, with stumbling and cursing the shit out of every person that crosses my mind, to reach the other side and I am nearing the entry to the famous Riders Quadrant. Just like father told me, a third year is already waiting for me, looking annoyed. But it's not like he can disobey a direct order from above. “Finally, they are about to start” he grumbles. Hello to you too, grumpy, but I know better than to aggravate him, since he has a dragon that could incinerate me before I even have the chance to hide.

We make our way through the empty corridors of the college while I try to sort my thoughts. I really survived the Parapet and now I am allowed to call myself a cadet. Still alive and can't fucking believe I am now part of this hellhole. I already imagine the way the General will stand in his office and rant about how it was predictable that I would succeed. “She is a Melgren after all and it would have been a waste of time if she didn't survived.”

Faint voices in the distance interrupt my thoughts, which get louder with every step we take but before we can even walk out into the biggest courtyard one has ever seen, the chattering grows quiet.

“Three hundred and one of you have survived the Parapet to become-“

The third year, I have yet to know his name, and I interrupt Commandant Panchek, who stands on the dais in front of the cadets.

“I apologize, Commandant, but it's three hundred and two.”

There is a heavy silence that spreads over the rotunda. I stand behind the tall rider, most of the curious glances immediately find him, only a few of them spot me behind. Great.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Hi, if the asks for AEIWAM are still open, can you share some more regarding the 12th division transitioning to taking over R&D, thanks to Urahara? Did the other divisions take it well, were there fights over boundaries/responsibilities/secrets? Individual divisions holding onto research directly relating to their remits? And how did Mayuri taking over from Urahara impact relations with other divisions?

Urahara proposing a dedicated research and development branch was not a particularly unexpected move, and a wildly applauded one.

His predecessor, now-Royal-Guard Hikifune, had done extensive research and development on her own when she developed both the modern Gikon and the Mod Souls like Kon. The 4th was massively overworked but still doing their own medical research. The Kido corps had been doing their own R&D writ: spells for ages. The 7th division had been tracking death and soul statistics like where souls reincarnated in the Rukongai and who went to hell and why for centuries. "Science" is a very strong word for what the 11th was doing re: destruction, but by golly they were doing a lot of it.

So Urahara's idea to develop a cross-division group dedicated to connecting existing research and developing new lines of inquiry from there was an extremely logical step and one pretty much everyone regarded as a good move.

---

Everyone, except Aizen.

See, Aizen had been doing his own little experiments with creating and perfecting the Hogyoku and those experiments involved a shitload of murder and other crimes, not to mention the whole treason thing, and Aizen was worried that if Kisuke managed to say, actually collate and look over the Rukongai crime stats Aizen had been hiding or read up on the Kido corps work, he might be JUST smart enough to figure out what Aizen was up to.

So Aizen made sure that when they got caught, that the experiments he'd been running would look like Kisuke's work :)

I think Aizen also had a significant hand in making sure it was the literal clown Mayuri who got the job after Urahara fled. There were definitely better candidates to become the Gotei-13's quartermain, but I think Aizen either discouraged them, or figured out how to make Mayuri look way more sane than he actually was to the other captains when the vote came.

Mayuri was a disaster for R&D. Not only were his scientific methods dubious at best, none one the other divisions trusted him with their work, and all of them became a lot more secretive and paranoid.

The 4th resumed it's own medical research, which was slow because of all the other work the 4th needed to do as well. The 7th kept its statistics under lock and key lest Mayuri get funny ideas about killing people to measure things faster. This new cloaked way of doing business allowed Mayuri to engage in horrors that actively got in the way of progress. Like recruiting the top 10% of the academy's graduating class for his division and then using them as guinea pigs and/or explosives.

Aizen: All According to Keikaku :)

---

In AEIWAM, not all hope was lost.

Before he was a shinigami, Kaname Tousen was a Librarian.

It was all he ever really wanted to be- when he came to the seireitei it was entirely to investigate his sister's death. He had no intention of enrolling in the academy, or pursuing rank.

Aizen has a way of derailing people's lives.

By force, when necessary.

By pounding 44 magical nails into Tousen's spine and carving command kanji into his shoulders and inflicting a vile curse on him to force Kaname into being his co-conspirator, his own personal R&D, and his entertaining puppet, if necessary.

Well,

Maybe Aizen is having a little bit more fun than strictly "necessary".

Aizen might have cursed Tousen into silence and obedience, but he can't stop Tousen from keeping his own records. Meticulous notes about every excursion he is made to take, every crime he is forced to commit, every horrific act Tousen does through tears- everything is recorded, documented, and safely stored in triplicate in several locations and formats.

In fact, Aizen comes to rely on those records- Aizen is very good at Lying and Kido and Hubris but that is the extent of his intellectual prowess. He relies on Gin to keep track of what everyone else is doing, and on Tousen to do all the scheduling, lab work, provisions and actually keeping the aarancar in line.

And Kaname takes advantage to press the curse whenever he can- he was close, he was so. Fucking. Close! To getting the whole scheme exposed during Turn Back The Pendulum.

He tried. He tried and tried to say it when Yamamoto interrogated him, to confess his sins and bring Gin and Aizen down with him, to make himself understood.

-Who did this? Who killed captain Hirako?

-I know them! I know, but I can not say!

It's all Kaname can manage before the curse retaliates, and almost strangles him to death to keep his silence, invisible to Yamamoto because of Aizen's illusions.

---

...after the nature of the curse is revealed, Yamamoto listens to the recording of that interrogation and weeps. The captains are the closest thing he has to children. Yamamoto hears this man who is almost his son, screaming, begging him to understand -

Not "I don't know"

Not "I will not say"

"I know, but I can not say."

---

So Kaname bides his time, keeps his records and tries to distract himself form his situation by drawing what conclusions he can.

After the Winter War, there is some debate as to what's going to happen to R&D.

Mayuri is in a jar, battling for control of his body.

Nemu refuses to admit he's out of action. Akon refuses to be promoted.

Kisuke or whoever does run the 12 will be too busy shovelling leftover war crimes out of the basement to actually run R&D.

Yamamoto has a long-standing agreement with Unohana that if he makes her take on One More Thing, he will not get the privilege of dying.

Ukitake is running the Kido corps, but he's also already got a foot in the grave.

Yamanoto isn't sure he can trust anyone else with lab equipment.

" ...Tousen." he says, nonchalant, visiting him in the hospital. "You seem to be rather accomplished at record-keeping and lab work."

"Last time you promoted me while I was in the hospital after a catastrophe, it extended my recovery by a solid five years and lead to an even greater one. No. Tell Kisuke to buck up and run R&D, it was his damn idea in the first place."

"Yes, obviously." Yamanoto says as though he had been planning that at all. "-but the court guard still needs to be supplied, so if Kisuke is running R&D, who is running the 12th?

"Muguruma."

"Pardon?"

"Kensei Muguruma might be the second-worst boss I've ever had but he is rigorously punctual, has an incredible work ethic, and can be trusted to stick to rules and regulations to the letter. He's a rigid, grouchy, hard ass, and a terrible match for the ninth, but he'd make an excellent quartermain." Kaname sighs.

Yamamoto ponders that for a bit.

"Also, he's running the newspaper over my dead body." Kaname elaborates. "He's contracted horoscope brainrot from Mashiro, I'm afraid."

"He may attempt to dispute that he should be running the Ninth as his prior demotion was unlawful, as is his right." Yamamoto nods. "It would be resolved by some kind of combat."

"I've gutted him once, I'll do it again." Kaname grunts and Yamamoto barks a laugh.

"I believe your judgement is sound, and will abide by your recommendation." Yamamoto nods, patting Kaname's hand. "I will inform Urahara and Muguruma of their new responsibilities."

"...Thank you, sir." Kaname mumbles, listening to Yamamoto open his notebook and write something down. "For your trust in me, and not promoting me again."

"Hm." Yamamoto nods.

To-Do: Update last will and testament in regards to successor choice. He writes.

[pinchinschlimbah]

On "Coming Out" and Noel Fielding

I mentioned forever ago that I had this post in mind and then never got around to it, but now with the new interview quote I was yelling about recently it feels like a particularly good time to get it out of my brain and onto the page! tl;dr: musings on the concept of "coming out" as it has evolved over time, whether it's something that should continue to be necessary or expected of queer people, and why Noel is particularly inspirational to me in that regard since this is, after all, my brainrot blog. This may be extremely long and a bit disjointed but I hope some of y'all will enjoy it!

So a while ago myself and several friends were discussing the concept of coming out. All of us are some flavor of queer both in gender and orientation, but each is in a different place along their self discovery and identity journey, with some being long since out and proud, and others just starting to dip their toes into exploration past the expected cishet.

This discussion actually was prompted by a different discussion about Noel, spurred by comments we'd come across slamming him as being homophobic/transphobic on Bakeoff for making comments suggesting he has romantic or sexual attraction towards Paul, referring to himself with female-centric terms, playing female characters in the skits, and a particular moment where he brings up Old Gregg while talking to KimJoy and says "he was a sea transsexual....quite a demanding role for me" while laughing to indicate that that last part was said in jest. Hey fellas, is it homophobic/transphobic to be a little bit gay and trans? This got us talking about how the current culture of queer identity has evolved to the point where "coming out" feels more like something the public feels they're owed in order for them to view one's expression as valid, rather than its original purpose as something one does for themself in order to live most authentically. I don't think I need to go into detail about how many artists have been harassed by their "fans" into coming out before they were ready because people wouldn't accept the validity of that person's work without knowing exactly how that person identified, there've been plenty of articles and video essays and better written tumblr posts about that, but it's definitely a concerning trend. It can be particularly dangerous when it comes to people who aren't feeling confident or safe enough to come out, who end up being criticized and shunned by the queer community as being somehow problematic for not being able to fully articulate to a group of strangers the ways in which they're experiencing their identity. In this situation, the people who are struggling the most end up with the least support. Forcing people to either declare an identity or get out just leads to more people staying closeted out of fear of doing it "wrong" and never getting the chance to explore the most authentic and joyful versions of themselves, or even worse, feeling the need to out themselves before they're in a safe place to do so and suffering the resulting consequences. Questioning or cautious people deserve space in the community to experiment even if they haven't yet or maybe never will come out! My high school's Gay Straight Alliance was comprised entirely of "straight allies" when I was there. There was not a single "out" person in the school at the time. Nearly all of us in the GSA ended up being some flavor of queer or trans years later after graduation. But whether it was intentional closeting or just feeling an innate affinity towards something we couldn't quite pinpoint at the time, we all knew we belonged there and made that space for ourselves and others like us. Back when "coming out" first became a concept in the public consciousness, it was during a time where cishet identity was not just considered the default, but the only option. By coming out, queer people were giving genuinely revolutionary representation for themselves and others like them by telling the world that, as the old saying goes, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! Nowadays, we're lucky to live in a culture that is much more cognizant of queer identities being a thing, so in many cases coming out has become less about having to explain to those around you the basic concept of queerness existing, and moreso about which specific identity you fall under, and that's where things get messy.

My friends and I shared our own thoughts and experiences. One is currently identifying as "unlabeled" because they haven't found a term that feels correct yet, and therefore hasn't come out because they wouldn't know what to say. One spoke about how when they first came out they were much more insistent on what terms or pronouns people used for them but as time has gone on they've grown to find joy in being inscrutable and letting others wonder what they're perceiving. One expressed that given the state of the world they've been retreating somewhat back into the closet for safety reasons rather than being super outward with their queerness like they used to and is working on learning to embrace those parts of themself again. One said they felt like they'd already been existing as queer and expressing that queerness "before I even had the terms to come out to myself" and is now working on catching up on the conscious end of figuring out what's what. I myself never really had an official "coming out", I just became increasingly visually/socially/vocally queer as I became more and more confident in who I was and what I wanted to be and who I had on some level always been, and decided if people didn't get the hint that's their own problem. I came into consciousness of my queerness during the early 2010s original tumblr MOGAI microlabel boom, where there was a ton of focus on figuring out the hyper specific identity labels that exactly described what you were experiencing. I did a lot of digging and soul searching and experienced a lot of unnecessary stress trying and failing to find my perfect labels and landed on clumsy terms like "full time drag queen" because it was the closest I could get to what I was feeling about my gender, only to be told it was problematic for me to call myself that as an AFAB person because drag "belongs to cis gay men" (don't get me started on that statement, that's a whole other essay lol) It was a real wake up call once I distanced from these aggressively labeled and segmented online spaces and made my way into real world queer communities where I was relieved to find that in fact no one there asks to check your membership card before letting you in, if you feel like you belong there you're welcome no questions asked.

I had other people in these communities referring to me as "queer" and "fag" and "gay" and "queen" before I felt comfortable doing so myself based on online Discourse I'd experienced over who is Allowed to use certain terms, and having these community leaders I respected recognizing those things in me and welcoming me in like that gave me the confidence to really find my own footing in ways that attempting to find my exact correct identity label so that I could officially proclaim it never did. Once I could answer the question of what I was with a shrug and "queer I guess!" things became so much easier. Microlabels can be incredibly helpful and liberating for some, don't get me wrong if it works for you that's great, but let's not pretend that everyone is going to have the same experiences.

So anyway, back to Noel. Noel has never, to my knowledge, ever had any sort of official “coming out” or explicitly referred to himself as queer. So I know there are people out there who will disagree with me considering him to be queer. But so much of what he’s said and done throughout his several decades long career has indicated to me that this is clearly someone of queer experience navigating the world as such, and just as the queers in my local community welcomed me as one of them before I knew to do it myself, I extend that welcome forward. 

Let’s take a look at some of the facts. In the public span of his career, Noel has.....(in no particular order, also if anyone wants to add additional instances of note in the reblogs or comments please feel free, this is by no means a fully comprehensive list) -repeatedly called himself "the woman of the Boosh" or Julian's/Howard's "wife" in ways that suggest that's how he actually felt about it rather than it just being a punchline that he was mistaken for female in the show [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] -referred to himself at the GQ "Man of the Year" awards as "never been a man" and "a sort of girl, he/she" -been referred to by Sandi Toksvig as being "on the cusp" in regards to gender, to which he reacts with amusement and acceptance -consistently expressed excitement and appreciation when others refer to him with feminine terms or say he looks like a girl [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] -said "I love being a man-woman, it's much more interesting than being one or the other" and expressed that the loved shooting the Boosh Electro episode for this reason -referred to Vince Noir (a character who he's been pretty open about being based on himself) as "wasn't seemingly one gender or the other" -expressed that he felt most free and happy when presenting femininely [2] -had Julian, one of the people closest to him, express that Noel and Sandi (an out lesbian) may have "real sexual chemistry" because Noel is "all over the shop, he's a different sex" -used the "Confuser" line of "Is it a boy? Is it a girl? I'm not sure I mind" to refer to himself rather than Vince, and express that he's had to work to find new ways to feel as androgynous as he'd like now that he's older -referred to himself as a lesbian [2] -said that he "sometimes looks in the mirror and sees a woman", in the same interview that Julian implies that Noel is in fact a girl -referred to himself as a "girl/boy" -consistently referred to himself with feminine terms on panel shows and bakeoff -made a joke on bakeoff about not being a testosterone-based person -responded positively when asked about the ways Boosh had influenced queer and nonbinary youth -has said he's "quite obsessed with the man/woman mixup thing" -has said if he was an animal he'd want to be a seahorse because the males get pregnant -Had Lee Mack, who Noel used to live with, refer to him as "the little transsexual one, yeah I think she's fantastic" in a Boosh documentary and "a young lady who came out here happy to be herself" in response to Noel's Wuthering Heights drag performance -had his own mother refer to him as "the daughter I always wanted" -described his own appearance as that of a "transsexual witch" and when an interviewer attempted to make fun of him for calling himself "a transgender witch" by showing Noel a drawing the interviewer clearly found repulsive, Noel responded that the interviewer was "holding up a mirror" and called the image his passport photo

And I'm not even going to bother citing sources on the countless times he's made comments suggesting romantic or sexual attraction towards men. Literally just watch any non-character appearance he's ever done, it's kind of his whole thing??? Not to mention his penchant for picking up explicitly queer and gnc character roles, and also just [gestures vaguely to everything Noel and Julian have said about each other suggesting romantic and sexual tension between them and how they used their characters as an excuse to explore those feelings in a less scary way, again that could be a whole other essay on its own but ooh boy] I also think there's something interesting to explore in the idea of Noel repeatedly referring to his appearance as transgender or transsexual rather than identifying himself as such- at what point does the appearance of something become reality?

It all begs the question- is it even a joke anymore if it's that consistent? Either it's not a joke and it's an authentic expression of his real feelings and experiences, or he for some reason really really wants everyone to believe that he's queer when he's not, with this behavior spanning back to a time before the concept of queerbaiting was on anyone's minds and when being publicly queer could mean the end of your career. Which scenario do you think is more likely? And, does someone who’s been conducting themself like this for their entire career really NEED to come out? Honestly, I find this level of simultaneous authenticity and inscrutability aspirational.

In this Velvet Onion interview from 2012, Noel compares his penchant for dresses to both Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard. This is interesting because those two people represent pretty opposite intentions behind their presentation- Grayson identifies solidly as cis male, and for him the shock value of crossdressing is the point, saying “I signed up for a gender and I want them to be very clearly delineated so I know I’m dressing up in the wrong clothes.” This doesn't seem particularly in line with where Noel is coming from given him famously referring to himself as "the Confuser" and stating in that same Velvet Onion interview that he "never even bothered giving it a label, I never went oh I'm a transvestite, I just went yeah if I fancy wearing a dress I do, never really thought about it really" Eddie on the other hand has famously said "They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes, I bought them." indicating that they were a genuine part of her authentic expression rather than a crossdressing costume, and has subsequently over the years identified more and more solidly as transfemme. I find Eddie's trajectory particularly fascinating because it's been so non-linear. In the 90s when the language for transness was much less public knowledge, she referred to herself consistently as a transvestite- a cishet man who enjoyed dressing as a woman, as well as using terms like "male tomboy" and "male lesbian" and "a full boy plus extra girl". Despite doing most of her standup shows in femme looks, most of her acting jobs were male-presenting, and there was a period of time in the 2010s where she dropped the femme presentation entirely in an attempt to be taken more seriously as the "crossdressing" was seen by many as a gimmick. Swinging back around more recently, Eddie has been explicitly identifying as genderfluid and transfemme, and in recent years has made the decision to "be based in girl mode from now on", and use primarily she/her pronouns. Since this announcement, in her trans advocacy work Eddie has described herself as being "out" as trans since the 1980s despite all of the above. She always knew who she was, it's just she's gotten access to more accurate terms over time to describe what she was experiencing, as well as feeling more safe to do so the more that transness became a known and accepted concept in the public eye.

The interview I mentioned at the very start of this post isn't really a coming out from Noel. And I don't think we'll ever really get one from him. In my opinion Noel has spent the past several decades conducting himself as someone who is in fact already out- it’s pretty clear Noel knows and is proud of who he is regardless of how he chooses to describe that identity. At this point, making some sort of official statement would just be for the benefit of others looking for clarification on their own perception of him and people who want to be able to put him in one box or another, and that’s not what coming out should be. The statement in the new interview is not "I am genderfluid", its "I've always been genderfluid", simply putting an accurate name to what's always been publicly visibly true now that he's got the terms to do so.

[pompadourpink]

hi mom! i'm starting uni in september, i'm moving to a new city so i need to start shopping and all, but also my parents didnt really give me advice and im the eldest so im kinda lost, do you have any advice?? XX

Hello darling,

The ABC:

Uni is scary because your free-will goes from 8 to 90 in two months and freedom is intoxicating. Making up for lost chances can lead to bad choices (spending, dating, partying).

If your family failed to parent you, it is now your job. Autonomy is essential. Learn to cook, budget, clean, be clean, save, be a good citizen, make scary phone calls, keep yourself safe, prioritise.

No one will force you to get up and study, or hire you at 21 when competing with a bright 18 year old. Effort will not betray you (being a grown lazy gifted child will).

Have shared hobbies, from movie Sundays with a girlfriend to knitting with your sister. A social life is a happy life.

Trust your body, it knows. Stomach cramps mean we hate him, daydreaming means try, yawning means bed, not coffee.

The home:

Make a cleaning schedule, be open-minded and reasonable, do not do or say anything your landlord wouldn't like (I fully recommend having roommates once for exposure therapy).

If you have a neighbour your age, introduce yourself. Having that phone number will one day mean not having to sleep outside or getting a package stolen. Thank them with food.

Start documenting problems right away (photos, timestamps, screenshots, testimonies) as you may need to take action later. No emotions, you're just "worried about everyone's wellbeing".

Mould, vermine and leaks are enemies. Act yesterday.

Avoid big purchases. You don't know what the future (location, size, taste) looks like. Go secondhand, neutral, practical.

Avoid silly purchases: streaming, takeout, drinks, fast fashion. You will not regret having a downpayment saved in ten years.

If you ever need to do emergency laundry, put a bin or a bucket in the shower, add water and detergent (+ soda crystal for stains or whitening), wait an hour, rinse, wring, hang.

The shopping:

My grandmother has kept her house clean with a broom, bucket, squeegee broom wrapped in a floorcloth and Marseille soap since the 60s. When something doesn't work, look back.

Must-haves: cleaning (see #1 + cloths, soda, lemons, white vinegar, steel wool), hygiene (scraper, net, shower head filtre, first aid), night (good pillow, plugs, mask) supplies, freezer if possible, water filtre, reusable period protection, winter clothes, long chargers, sunscreen, friend living at home who will lend you tools.

Must-not-haves: anything trendy, collections (even books), a pet - don't let Felix keep you back, sleep over and study in Paris!

Have an emergency kit (+ whatever you need) + a smaller version in the car/at the office (with cash).

Fresh fruit, starches, a few types of frozen vegetables, of cans of legumes, of fresh, canned and frozen protein, a treat, something fun once in a while to experiment + a (bi-)monthly outing.

A couple of formal outfits. Large black dress pants, white shirt, dark grey thin jumper, pencil skirt, blazer, large coat, trench coat, loafers, heels, tall boots. Never slouchy or skin tight, plain.

Craigslist, Facebook marketplace, thrift stores. Spend a few hours making a perfect home board on Pinterest instead of listening to TikTok and taking what Ikea gives you.

The social life:

Make one or two real friends and cherish them forever. Support each other, travel, buy a house together, idk.

Don't be afraid to be/do things alone. You shouldn't be afraid of what your head says when it's not distracted.

Don't miss out on huge opportunities for people. Some are around out of necessity and will ghost you after graduation.

Do not try to impress, especially people you don't like and who don't like you. Do not do or say anything cops wouldn't like. Be a homebody who doesn't drink if that's what you want.

Do not try to educate those who will not learn.

Do not befriend someone who lacks confidence as they will make you pay for their jealousy, nor someone who wants a free therapist. Those relationships will be one-sided.

Befriend a couple of older girls. They will see through the lies of the people (men, classmates, employers) trying to fool you.

The love life:

The thirty-two year old man doesn't find you mature, he finds you inexperienced and malleable. Don't try meth thinking you're special enough to not get addicted.

If a date mocks you and you get mad, either that is who he is or he hates you. If you got mad, he is not for you. Your job is not to pretend you don't care so he can have a girlfriend.

Ask yourself if you would tell your best friend, mother, Taylor Swift, that he (hers) didn't mean it like that. If not, take a break from dating and think about why you think you don't deserve respect.

Don't forgive what you don't want to tolerate.

Don't try to force a relationship with someone who made it clear that he is, for whatever reason, not interested. You will be played like a fiddle until he meets someone he wants.

Don't try communicating with someone who is messing with you on purpose. No one ignores you for three days or sleeps with your friend or breaks your favourite necklace after an argument by accident. Also, your husband would never.

The daily life:

Have a clean e-mail address (firstname.lastname) for official biz and a casual one (f.lastna) for everything else, a solid password (Lanadelrey1984#) - change it yearly - and a list of the usernames and passwords you didn't pick.

If you don't trust your parents, block them off your account or open a new one when you turn 18 before they rob you.

Save a year worth of expenses, don't purchase what you couldn't buy twice now, don't replace what still works, give yourself week-long thinking periods before spending.

Get folders for your paperwork and keep them safe + take pictures for an encrypted Drive (beware of iCloud): diplomas, flat, car, big purchases, work, taxes, health, etc.

Print pics and make albums. One day, the app will die.

Mind your health. Exercise weekly (cardio/strength, ex: runs + weighted Pilates), walk, get more water, sleep, and fibre, take vitamin D, mind your eyes/ears/skin/teeth, stretch, leave.

Only invest energy, money, or time into what is worth it. FaceTime before the date. Get secondhand leather boots instead of replacing plastic. Drop the book after 100 bad pages.

Refuse conversations with people whose lives you wouldn't want, who happily overwork for a mediocre wage and don't know how old their children are. The handcuffs are homemade.

The job:

People will not forget how you made them feel and the world is a small place. Colleagues, clients, bosses will gossip: make sure it is for good reason. Dress and look clean, stand straight, be on time, never ever gossip, even when you were wronged.

Understand the power of sobriety. Be known for the success of your last project, not your bright skirts or temper.

Protect future you so you get the promotion/project/raise. No friends, no enemies. Smile, have neutral answers, make them talk, move on, make your IG private, google your name.

Lie. You don't avoid them, you eat lunch with your nana (hi Paula, no, I forgot about the hairdresser's), weren't unemployed, your father was ill, cannot go out, you have a birthday party.

Act boring with the jealous old woman or the obnoxious man. Take the fake compliment for a real one, don't understand the innuendo, have too much work to chat. Bullies get bored.

Instead of clapping back (see #3), be Cinderella, who ignores the insults and turns to Mr. No nonsense, who has been there twenty years, worryingly asking if Ethel is okay, I don't know what to do (no mention of ego, you're just distraught about her).

Sites to look up: Proton (mail, VPN, drive), Notion.

Love,

Mum

(PS - apologies if the she/he thing doesn't match you, this is a flexible plan for all of my children)

[tiredgraduate]

You want my honest opinion on some of the election statistics & politics right now? I never, NEVER, like to comment on politics, but I'm tired of being quiet and holding this in. There is no one I can be honest with and talk to other than you lovely people on the internet.

I voted blue as a young white christian woman. I was born and raised in the heart of a red state. My parents were considered super conservative, even to other Christians and conservatives. My extended family is still that way, to the point where asking genuine questions about history and reason is seen and taken as offensive and treacherous to the American good. When I went to college, I was still a very right-wing minded person. Here's the thing: I naturally have a soft heart. I don't like being mean, and I don't appreciate other people being crappy for no good reason. My upbringing in the church and my relationship with Jesus Christ both in and out of the church has only strengthened that part of me.

So, in college, I encountered a number of classmates and fellow musicians that were of other ethnicities, members of the LGBTQ community, and so much more. I learned quickly to see them as my cohorts and friends, and that I had no grounds to judge them based on their life and struggles. As they say, and I take literally, hate the sin, love the sinner. I couldn't care less if you're black, white, gay, trans, struggling with drug addictions, addictions to anything like porn, social media, etc.

I struggle with some of that too, which gives me no ground to judge. As the Bible says, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." I am no better than anyone else, and I am actively trying to make that evident in my life.

As I said before, my ultra conservative christian family didn't like this. Not one bit of it. I managed to befriend and be a safe place for a number of my fellow musicians, because I knew about their bad experiences with other christians and the church, a recent burn from the church on myself, and their mixed family backgrounds that made my being an older sister that much more important. So, naturally, I started to lean more left, and at the same time, away from the "church."

To say I left the church would be accurate. Christianity, less so. It has been a rough four years in finding my faith again. But in the midst of that, I learned about the world around me from the perspectives of both christian and non-christian. I didn't have a reason to be spiteful or hateful towards a specific demographic (unlike some of my family).

Then I graduated and moved to New York, and let me tell you - blue state living is where it's at. But in stepping away from something you've been immersed in your whole life, you then see the issues within. I noticed this with the church, then with my family, and then my hometown and state. There are some SERIOUS issues with all of them.

This TikTok explains a lot of what I think of the modern "church:" https://www.tiktok.com/@k.t.phillips21/video/7434922467652554027?_r=1&_t=8rGnfwwJxNP

The church condemns so many things, until it applies to them. The burn from the church in my life came from a previous pastor telling someone to do something behind all of our backs, and that led to my family collapsing in on itself and my brother attempting suicide seven times. All because one man thought he knew what should be the case in a situation, and didn't think to bring God into the matter.

For my family, it's the same type of thing. The allowance of certain things, while condemning the same things when others struggle. It's exhausting. So, when I moved to New York, I blocked numbers, deleted others, and had a serious talk with my immediate family about boundaries and what being 20+ hours away meant. I happen to have understanding parents and siblings after the events of three years ago. On the other hand, my extended family is messed up. Constant asking of "are you depressed" or "do you have a boyfriend yet," while not actually caring about the answer, or just blatantly ignoring the truth. Recently, I cut off almost all of one side of my extended family because of a wedding happening in March between a girl who is barely eighteen and a boy (he is NOT a man, he just happens to be my cousin) who is TWENTY SEVEN. The relationship was arranged, and they recently decided to move the wedding up by 4 months because, and I quote: "he(cousin) just couldn't wait 😉." Mind you, his last relationship, he kidnapped from one state under the guise of "meeting the family" but was actually bringing her to another state after dating for three weeks to marry her without her family's knowledge or consent. It's messed up.

My hometown and state? Oklahoma. I think that question answers itself. Considering that it was completely red on Tuesday, and is the top state of searches "can I change my vote."

Anyways - I am disappointed in a lot of people. So many things were on the line in this election, and the fact that people are just now educating themselves on what this means now that they've re-elected Trump is ridiculous.

If a felon cannot get a job in some areas or vote, why the hell should one become president? Second - why is said felon SO quiet after winning? Something is wrong.

To my fellow women who voted blue, I'm sorry for what we're going to see and what we're encountering just days after the election. To the LGBTQ people who see this, I'm sorry too. To all of you blue (and some red) friends, I am sorry. I'm sorry that 53% of white women voted against a reasonable choice, and voted for a literal felon, rapist, and just crappy dude. I'm sorry that all of us are having so much mixed emotion about what the next 4 years looks like while my family and many others are home celebrating the idea of cheaper groceries. I wish I could hug many of you, because it's crappy that we're united and meeting like this.

To the people who voted red - I'm sure you've heard this already, but I really hope you get what you asked for. I hope you get what you wanted. I hope it affects you directly. I hope you see what happens when you don't educate yourself until it's too late. I hope you see what happens when you only look out for yourself. I hope you see how un-loving and un-Christian some of you are acting.

For the little boys (you are NOT men in my eyes right now) that keep saying "your body, my choice" and are saying so many crappy things to the women in and out of your life because you feel empowered by one president-elect: I hope you eat your words. I hope you manage to get your head out of your butt and see what you're doing. I hope you realize you've shoved your head so far up your butt that it came out of your throat and that's why you're acting the way you are. I hope you have to eat your words and get everything you think you're going to get and more.

I am lucky to be considered "safe" in a blue state, but I am still so heartbroken over my friends who aren't considered safe and have to deal with this stuff head on. I wish things were different. If any of you happen to know me in real life, take this to heart. If you don't know me, know this anyway:

I am sorry for how people in America are acting right now. I am sorry that we have to live in a nation so broken and frustrating. In the middle of it all, you are loved, and I pray now that something good comes out of this; that we learn to love and be loved, we learn to be gracious and forgiving instead of angry and condemning. I pray we learn to be people over Americans, that them and us doesn't continue, and that we learn what the right thing is and how we are going to move forward. If you need someone to be an ear or a friend, I hope you find one. Whether that is someone in real life, someone on another site, someone here, or even myself.

You are not alone ❤️

[regular-gnome]

Dang you're in engineering!? As someone who was in engineering for a semester and a half I can safely say that you're braver and better at math than me. Just keep on plugging away, every engineer I know says it gets a lot better after graduation.

Thanks! That does make me feel a bit better. Itssssss not easy, math is killing me. A pretty common half-serious, half-joke our professors love to repeat is, ‘Look to your left, look to your right—one of them will be gone in a few months.’ And then other prof who has me considering just moving to the forest to live off photosynthesis asks people at random, ‘Why are you here? Better to give up now than waste your time.’ So… YEAH. Fun xD I do hope your experience with it was a good one though, even if it was for a while

[sarabethsilver]

I just want to say that I love your posts about the whole Luke/Jess dynamic!! In my opinion, you are spot on everything.👏

Because yes, Luke was a good father to April and a good father figure to Rory but that doesn't mean that he was that to Jess too…in fact I will say that most of the time he was a complete jerk to Jess by often yelling and being angry at him (there are very few episodes where Luke speaks with a normal tone to him), treating him like a criminal, never showing him any love and comfort, being occasionally physical abusive to him, stealing his car, kicking him out when he actually needed him the most and caring more about him (not) graduating than his feelings about meeting his father, sending him back to NY knowing that Liz “is a wack job”, not caring that “he travelled” aka was homeless for months and had to sleep in a car-and he cared more about Rory than about his nephew in that situation, not listening to him the few times he actually is open to speak about how he feels. On top of that, ignoring that, HE kicked Jess out.

And then blaming, yelling, and insulting him because he didn't want to go to his abuser’s fourth wedding.

Like, I’m not saying that Luke didn't love Jess, because yes, he did, but he wasn't good at showing it. And I understand that he also had traumatic experiences, and didn’t know how to handle a teenager, but in the end, he was just one more adult that rejected Jess. That’s why I don’t understand when people say: “Luke was the only one that was always there for Jess” or “Jess has to be thankful for Luke” like NO just because he let him live in an apartment where he had zero privacy doesn't mean that “he was always there for him,“ especially when he remembered Jess that he can only live there if he graduates. Even without the Walmart job, there is no guarantee that a traumatized teenager will graduate. I really hate how the writers want us to believe that Luke was such a hero here. And yes, I like that “hug scene,“ but Jess deserved and needed that hug so much sooner, and he never got it.

With that being said, I still enjoy their dynamic when I need a good laugh, seeing them both ranting, annoyed with people, being sarcastic. There are many good moments, and when I remember that these are all fictional characters😅 but if we are overanalyzing everything, I have to say that the older I get, the more I struggle with the character of Luke in his behavior towards Jess. 

Thank you! I appreciate this feedback, since I'm always trying (and failing) to tread lightly when I critically examine their relationship. Luke is beloved here, and I get it! I love him too! I enjoy Luke and Jess' relationship on a superficial level. I laugh at their funny moments, and my heart swells at their tender moments. But as soon as I look a little deeper, their relationship looks pretty fractured to me.

I get it, Luke was thrust into an impossible scenario when Jess showed up. I don't fault him for making mistakes along the way. But forget the complexities of "how do you build trust with a teenager who has never been able to trust adults"... Luke never even gets there. What about the basics? Jess needed kindness, safety, and stability. And he just doesn't get that from Luke. Constantly yelling, pushing Jess around, repeatedly mocking, threatening eviction, and then actually kicking Jess out isn't kind, safe, or secure. And those behaviors aren't the outliers - that's Luke's baseline behavior toward Jess. The moments of kindness are the rarities, and those moments are often surrounded with mocking or rejection.

S4 is, by far, the worst. Because at that point, Jess is no longer living with Luke. He's not disrupting Luke's daily life. He's not asking Luke for ANYTHING. But for some reason, Luke goes out of his way to be unkind to Jess... and for what? What's the moral of that story? Because it's CERTAINLY not to have us examine Luke's mistakes with Jess, the writers never go there. Am I meant to believe that Jess needed abandonment, heaps of anger, and continual mocking to... grow, or something? And this is the season I'm supposed to melt at the "reconciliation" between Luke and Jess?

Maybe we're both overanalyzing! Because, like I said, I enjoy their relationship at a superficial level. But also... Luke and Jess are not superficial characters. We see painful, vulnerable moments between them. Jess' arc is serious and evocative, and he's treated like an important character even when he returns as a guest star. So I can't just look at Jess and Luke's relationship on a superficial level. The writers wanted me to see Luke as the "hero" who saved Jess, and they gave me all these moments to supposedly demonstrate that, so I'm sure as hell gonna examine those moments!

EDITED because I'll add that I don't ever view Luke as abusive to Jess. And I think they DO have moments of kindness and comforting. Those are real, and that's what the audience is responding to when we fall in love with them. But imo the moments of kindness are few and far between, and they are not enough to balance out the baseline of irritability Luke puts out there.

[sebastianswallows]

A new family — Chapter 4

— PAIRING: dark!Ominis Gaunt x F!MC

— SYNOPSIS: Ominis gets tired of his family and how miserable life is with them after he graduates. So he follows Sebastian's example for once, and kills them in cold blood. Now that he has the mansion to himself, he discovers he would still like to have a family, but one of his own making.

— WARNINGS: a lot of angst and just lonely and pining and heartbroken Ominis but not for long

— WORDCOUNT: 1.8k

— TAGLIST: @littletealight @skarathewitch @myrachondria @mrimperio @ssnapsaurus @tarotwitchy-main @hufflepuff-16

“Have you read this one yet?”

“Not yet. You said it’s good?”

“I think so, but I don’t know how it compares to Hereward.”

“He was a middling potioneer at best. He is more famous for his father than his own work. What do you want to have for dinner?”

“Anything is fine.”

Her hand slid on top of his as they lay together on her bed, books spread out between them, their hair tousled on the pillows. Outside, it was still raining. The sun had nearly set, the sky was covered in clouds, and they hadn’t yet lit a lamp. For Ominis, it didn’t make a difference.

He flipped through one of the books without even paying attention to what he picked up, and sightlessly read aloud to her the passages that made him chuckle. The older the book, generally speaking, the more strange and dangerous its instructions were.

“Yes, just cut that claw off at the root from a sleeping dragon, I’m certain nothing bad could happen. To think they gave this instruction to third years in the 1640s…”

“Do they list any evasive manoeuvres?” she asked with a grin.

“I don’t think so, although I can feel something is scribbled on the side… Perhaps a cautionary ‘do not attempt alone’.”

What a strange experience, to be read to in the dark… It was comforting and intimate in a way she’d never experienced before. It made her think of all those school nights when Ominis would be studying on his own, and she’d be off on some quest or scouring through a goblin camp or doing away with Ashwinders using the curses Sebastian taught her. It seemed now like so much time lost… If she had spent more time with him instead, would it have been a comfort to him? Would things had ended up differently?

As Ominis kept reading, she rolled to her side and rested her head against his arm. He paused, but only for a moment, and then went on.

They decided, almost wordlessly, to do together the things they hadn’t done before. After a few more days of rain, they went to the forest looking for mushrooms, something Ominis could not safely do until then. They went on shopping trips to Diagon and Knockturn Alley and spent the whole day there — after a brief stop to Gringotts for him to relieve his family vault of a few more Galleons — and treated themselves to new robes and tailored clothes, and ingredients so they could try out some of the more dangerous potions they could never do at Hogwarts.

At the end of this escapade, she went to her home and packed up a few more things to take back to the mansion. Ominis waited for her with an undying smug smile — in the end, she would still be with him come winter.

“Have you considered staying, perhaps, even longer?” he asked with a casual air as they had tea at a little table next door to Scribbulus.

“You mean over Christmas and New Year’s?”

“Yes,” said Ominis at length, “and maybe longer than that?”

“Your generosity knows no bounds,” she grinned. “Why do you ask?”

“Just tell me. Yes or no?”

He kept a smile on his face, but his brow was tense. Whatever confidence he’d had was clearly dwindling at her refusal to give him a straight answer.

“What are you really asking me, Ominis?” she said with a quiet lean forward and a teasing tone.

“Only what I said…”

She didn’t believe him, but couldn’t stop her grin.

In the end, she agreed to stay with him until January.

“After that, I really must go. I’ve put off looking for employment long enough.”

“There’s nothing to say you can’t remain with me and work.”

“Ominis…”

“And if you mention taking advantage of my so-called generosity one more time, I shall lock you in.”

“Ominis!” she laughed, but a part of her felt he was serious.

“I meant it,” he said more quietly. “I need you. I… I need you, to be happy.”

Her laughter died and she was left gazing at him softly, in silence. She wasn’t used to such openness from him… He was always the quiet one, closed off and elusive, a mystery in many ways, just like his family. And it was in part because of his family that she never considered Ominis as… more. More than a friend. The Gaunts would never have approved of her, and so every early flash of infatuation died until it ceased to flare at all. Of course, she had never imagined the drastic measured he would take to free himself from them… She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t impressed. Between him and Sebastian, perhaps she had an unhealthy interest in homicidal boys.

Slowly, she reached across the table and covered his hand as it still held onto a teacup — an innocent and innocuous one, this time — and searched inside herself.

“It’s a difficult thing to imagine,” she said, “to be the one that makes you happy…”

“I don’t mean it as an imposition,” he said hastily, “not like some… some duty.”

“Still, it’s not what… what I…”

“Not what you had planned for your life?” he asked coolly, leaning back. He slid his hand from underneath hers and picked the cup with the other one for a sip.

“I don’t mean it like that, but… I suppose I don’t know yet what I want from life.”

“But enough to know it isn’t me, isn’t that so?”

“No,” she said with a faint laugh, “not even that much.”

Ominis nodded, but he seemed somewhat at peace, that or the fight had gone out of him at her utter lack of enthusiasm for his roundabout courtship. Still, it hadn’t been an outright rejection, at least not yet…

But it made the rest of their time together a bit more strained. She could feel his attention cast down on her whenever they were together — and perhaps it had always been so, but she only just now noticed — and their silences together grew more sad, more lonely, more discouraged.

Strangely, Ominis became a bit more daring too, as if he had nothing left to lose.

He showed her the mansion’s dungeons, finally, after months of her being there. She’d never asked to see it, but she had learned that it was held under lock and key. The only thing Ominis had told her about it was that it existed. It was a grey and arched expanse with cells on either side, and instruments the sort of which she’d only seen in the DADA class at Hogwarts — iron maidens, racks, heretic forks, and rows and rows of shackles along one of its walls.

“Don’t worry,” said Ominis, “it hasn’t been used in generations. I think. It should be adequately sterile by now.”

It did little to assuage her apprehensions, as the instruments and parts of the floor were still splattered with stains.

“Who were they used on?”

“I never asked.”

Ominis was more daring in asking for what he really wanted, too. Long picnics at the edge of the forest, dragging on until the owls and bats flew overhead and the wolves began to howl. Reading sessions of curse books in her bedroom until midnight with the lamps turned dim. They purchased a gramophone together, a muggle device his parents never would have abided, and played the latest symphonies out of its large flower-shaped cone.

And, lastly, he told her exactly what how he killed his family, and what he did with them… She was only partially surprised, but mostly secretly in awe at his daring and creativity.

He was expecting her to leave almost any day, and took advantage of the time she gave him. She gladly let him do it. And, from sheer cowardice, never addressed his fears — never told him that she felt things she hadn’t felt in years, and simply didn’t know what to do with them, especially in his presence, now, when she was really beginning to know him. Instead of seeing the polite Ominis, the aristocrat, the reluctant heir, the burgeoning dark wizard, she delved into his wants, his needs, his fears, and had found in him very much a kindred spirit.

She did, however, plan to leave — more for his sake than her own. Ominis needed someone who could dedicate their life to him, their freedom, and put aside their sense of self. He also needed a gentle soul who could be a good influence to him. And she was the furthest thing from that…

As the holidays approached, along with her implied departure, they gradually grew more distant. Even when they had dinner, even when they went on walks, or when they danced together by the fireplace to the wailing gramophone, there were silences between them that otherwise would not have been.

She resolved to buy him something, like a consolation gift — something as much for Christmas as for a ‘good-bye’ — and slipped out of the house one day in mid December via floo. There was nothing that someone could give to a boy who had everything — all the luxury, the books, the clothes, and all those fragrant roses that were now buried in snow — but she felt that he uniquely missed a sense of normalcy. He’d probably never celebrated a proper Christmas with his family, only the ones at Hogwarts, and that time must’ve been bitter for him. Seeing so many other classmates going happily back home, coming back with charming little presents and fond stories… She wondered if being around Anne and Sebastian was easier, as they didn’t have much of a home to go back to either.

It was, of course, pointless to speculate, especially when she had a mission: find him a worthy present.

Three hours later, she returned with a prettily wrapped package in brilliant green. The sun was just setting and coloured the sky pink, colouring the drawing room through the wide glass panes. Aside from the flash she made as she arrived, the house was eerily silent. She was pleased with this, of course, as it kept her journey secret. Ominis must have still been in the library where she left him, that or he’d gone looking for her… She meant to hide the package before she returned to him, slip it on some high shelf or some place out of reach, where even his wand wouldn’t detect it, but then she heard footsteps coming from the foyer… She only had enough time to tuck it behind her back.

But the steps were heavy, angry-sounding, and made by large boots. A visitor, at that hour? And uninvited too… She frowned and undid her cloak to lay it on an armchair, ready to confront whoever it was, when the stranger opened the door to the drawing room and walked in.

He stopped in his tracks for a moment, looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. She recognised him from the pictures that still littered the mansion: Marvolo Gaunt.