#can i talk about how proud i am of how she was drawn? highlight of the day (alongside hana)

[margindoodles2407]

ALL OF THEM!!! GO!!! :DDD

oh gosh cheeto. why would you do this to me. i love you my friend but whyyy (light-hearted)

alrighty let's go

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1. what medium do you use most (if applicable, what software)?

Graphite, ink, and/or colored pencils. Occasionally watercolors, but that's usually for my bigger pieces that I don't often post online.

2. most popular piece?

This one, apparently (yeah i'm still really proud of it though. it held up well. canNOT say that for some of my old star wars doodles.)

3. your favorite piece(s)?

In Chronological Order: Dryad!Deku Tree, Arwen, Hero of Winds: Conductor of Tempests, Twilight of the Republic, Evil Artsyle Challenge, Philomena, The Best Captain Rex I've Ever Drawn, Shinies, Sacred Heart, Experience, Fives and Echo Number ???, and Necrosis

4. piece you wish got more love?

In Chronological Order: Ninety-Nine and Hevy, Sun-Dragon Heart, Ahsoka and Shaak Ti (for #jedi june), and We're Going To Kill Dracula

5. how would you describe your art style?

Hmm. I guess... "Stylized Realism" might be the best way to describe it. I'm big on realistic proportions and detailing, but it still betrays the influence animation and storybook illustrations have had on me.

6. favorite thing to draw?

...take a wild guess (it's the clones)

7. easiest thing for you to draw?

People!

8. thing you struggle to draw?

Anything other than people!

9. whats something you always come back to when drawing?

Ahsoka Tano. She was one of the first characters I drew when I was getting back into Star Wars, and I literally measure my art progress by how she's changed in my style. I guess you could say she's my comfort character to draw.

10. how do you deal with artblock?

I don't.

11. do you listen to anything while drawing?

Yes! Actually I kind of need background music or noise of some kind while I'm drawing, otherwise I've found I just can't get into the groove. Mostly I listen to my various character playlists.

12. describe your process while drawing

I am granted a Vision (tm), I get my materials, I tear my hair out because my picture is not exactly how it was in the Vision (tm), and then I redraw it over and over until it slightly resembles the Vision (tm).

13. talk about a wip you like!

Oooh, okay! Right now I'm in the process of painting a watercolor of... Ahsoka... for my High Fantasy AU, and the drawing actually is turning out great! I just haven't had time to paint her yet.

14. whats your favorite thing about drawing?

I like to make stupid memes in my overly elaborate style. I think it's the best use of my gifts XD

15. least favorite thing about drawing?

I can only really draw when Inspired (tm), meaning I can go days or even weeks without anything getting put on the paper.

16. how do you motivate yourself to draw?

I sit and yell at myself in my mind. Just kidding. But again, I do have to have an inspiration for anything to actually happen; I can't just go in cold.

17. what is something youre confident about in your art?

I can draw people, and especially everything above the knees, really well. I know a lot of artists struggle with people.

18. something you feel like you need to work on?

Lower-leg anatomy, and literally everything other than people. There's a reason I usually draw memes.

19. where do you find inspiration?

Things I like, my faith, the world around me, and music especially. And memes.

20. is your workspace, digital or not, organized (not neat, organized)?

In a manner of speaking. Everything has its place, and I have a system for the order in which I draw.

21. what do you think your artstyle would taste like?

Well, @luke-shywalker once described it as looking like it would taste like candy. I personally think it would taste like. Woodsmoke. Or something like that. Maybe like,,, the smell of sawdust. If that makes sense. I dunno.

22. do you have a favorite color palette to work with?

Rich but muted colors. Or like, blacks and whites with a single splash of highlighted color. You know? Like this one.

23. how many artstyles can you work in confidently?

At least two: one that leans more towards realism and one that leans more towards the cartoonish side.

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

I've often been told that my drawings look statuesque, like they were hewn from marble, but in a good, regal way. This is my favorite compliment to get.

25. what size canvas/paper do you use?

Literally all of them.

26. what do you physically draw with (pencil and paper, tablet, etc)?

Mechanical pencil or like, a very finely sharpened traditional pencil for all my sketches. For my more formal pieces, I usually go over the sketch with micron pens.

27. do you ever have multiple wips going at once?

All the time every day.

28. whats a piece you would like to redraw at some point?

THIS ONE :D

29. do you use a lot of references while drawing?

No. I have most characters committed to memory and I can usually figure out poses. That being said, I do use references for difficult poses or when I can't figure out what exactly to draw.

30. whats something youre proud of about your artstyle?

I alluded to this earlier, but I'm happy that I can have a realistic but still stylized art style. And I like how I draw faces.

31. which fandom have you drawn the most for?

Uhhhh I think it's Star Wars at this point. However, I did draw a lot of Gravity Falls art back in the day, so between that and The Legend of Zelda I think it's pretty close.

32. have you done a lot of collabs?

Unfortunately no :( If anyone would like to rectify that, I'd be more than happy to do stuff with you!

33. have you taken a lot of classes for art?

I am mostly self-taught, but I did take art classes from preschool all the way through eighth grade, and Intro to 2D, Painting I and II, Intro to 3D, and Ceramics I in high school.

34. whats something you still like from your old art?

I love my vivid colors (this is mostly in my old, unpublished art). And I think back in the day, my poses were much more dynamic.

35. if you had one piece of advice to give your younger artist self, what would it be?

Don't beat yourself up over your art not "being as good as everyone else's". I promise you, you'll get to their level someday. Just have fun and keep working hard. Also, your drawings aren't cringe, and you shouldn't be afraid to show them to the people you love.

OUGH that took. So long. But thank you! I genuinely appreciate it so much!

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

BLEACH: The Thousand Year Blood War Ep 18 & 19 Reactions and Thoughts

Overall reaction:

First up, I didn't write anything for episode 18 last week because when I sat down to do it, all I could think to talk about was Renji's bankai reveal, which was epic, but didn't have much more to say beyond that. I loved the whole thing though, they made Renji look like such a badass throughout. And the reveal itself was *chef's kiss*

As for this week...WOW. JUST WOW. INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, WOW. There's one main highlight and you all know what it is. Just...look at her:

This is one of the most stunning things I've ever seen coming out of this show, that includes the original series. Hell, this is one of the most stunning bits of animation I've ever seen. How did they make her bankai more pretty and elegant than it already was in the manga?! I just love that her collar and sleeves are transparent, and the little details like the snowflake pattern that constantly moves over her clothes.

The visuals for this episode were so amazing, and as you can tell, I can't reblogging gifs of it. I loved every second from a visual standpoint, everything was beautifully drawn and coloured, whether it was make Rukia look fierce or terrified or beautiful, or to make As Nodt more creepy and hellish than he already is. I mean, just look at this creep:

I loved this design in the manga, and I am LOVING it here now! Paired with church bells and music, this was a fantastic reveal.

As this adaption continues to show, when it comes to the fights of this arc, it's 10/10. Whether it's added content, hearing these characters say the lines, or just finally seeing these panels animated, it's reminding me of why I was so desperate to see this arc adapted into an anime. The moment I saw As Nodt's hand graze Rukia's, and she flinches and tries to find him, I got hyped. The moment he transformed into his Vollstandig, I was screaming. And then Rukia unleashes her bankai, and I was rolling in my chair. If As Nodt vs Rukia doesn't go down as one of the best anime fights from this year, I'll be shocked.

For one, while it goes without saying at this point, I cannot emphasis enough how GOOD the animation is:

I also loved the call back to decaying characters and the flies and how they were used for Rukia's greatest fear. It's a connection to Byakuya, an experience they can say they've both shared now, and it adds to the scenes that come next when he tells her he's proud of her and he helps her defrost.

Speaking of that scene, it was already a great moment in the manga, but see it not only animated but voiced, I teared up a little. I looked forward to seeing the dub version of the scene too, I have no doubt Michelle Ruff and Dan Woren will do great here. It's a small, emotional moment for the two them, and it's more or less a conclusion their brother-sister arc. We've come a long way since the beginning, huh?

While we're on voice acting, can we give As Nodt actor absolute praise. He made him so gosh dark creepy throughout. This is the kind of voice I would hear while reading the manga, and the way he was able to morph his voice from quiet monotony to raging growls was just amazing. He was a standout in the episode for me honestly.

If I had two nit-picks about the animation, one is that As Nodt's eyeball monsters looked a little weird and out of place, but it's so small it didn't take away from the fight for me. The other is the weird video filter they used over Rukia's flashbacks; not sure why they used that filter? Is it trying to say the original show is that old now? Were they trying to be creative? Regardless, it jarred me a little, but again, it's a nit pick in what is otherwise a fantastic episode.

Overall, it was an amazing episode that will likely be in my top fifteen of the arc of the show. Next week, I'm preparing for two shikai reveals and maybe a few tears ;_;

[go-to-the-mirror]

WE'RE GETTING NEAR THE END!!!

157, 158, 159, and 160 are just phenomenal episodes, and I have a LOT to say about them. So... let's get on with it, I suppose.

@a-mag-a-day

It was mostly rambling this time around

This tape was left on my desk. I don’t know by who, but to my mind, there are three options. Martin has left it here to let me know that whatever the situation is with Peter Lukas, it is entering its final act, and he needs my help. Alternatively, Peter may have left here to… goad me into action? Or just to gloat, to highlight my helplessness at everything. Or Annabelle Cane is trying to manipulate me into thinking it’s one of the other scenarios.

I think it's the third one, like, this is his final mark. I think Annabelle left it there. I don't think it was Martin or Peter, but it could have been. I'm pretty sure it was Annabelle.

Combined with its extremely disturbing symptoms, which caused the skin and muscles to become loose and malleable until they sloughed completely off the body, leaving only a skeleton and organs… well, she was certain that it was the product of an otherworldly evil, and called me.

Good lord! That's disgusting!!

His heart was exposed. It was beating fast, so fast, despite the awful green decay that seemed to be eating at it.

THAT'S HORRIFYING!! :D < loves body horror

Like that's so disgusting, oooh, I should have drawn for this episode. I might be able to lure my scrunkly into tma again with the promise of body horror.

There were a few: a woman melted into her now crimson bed; an old man whose bright eyes still stared out of his skull, watching the television, though the rest of him lay pooled on the floor. And in all of them, the frantic beating of their decomposing hearts.

Oh god, that's horrifying. How are they still alive?? Are they made to be still alive? Are they conscious as their body decomposes around them and they are helpless to stop it, for without muscles they're immobilised? This is just... horrific. 10/10

The sick were pulling themselves out of their houses, crawling, dragging themselves towards some other place, leaving bits behind on the rough pavement as they did so.

That is a disgusting mental image that has just entered my mind. Rotting people dragging themselves across the pavement, leaving streaks of blood, flesh tearing and ripping off, until they can't move, and they lay there, helpless, on the pavement, as their heart continues to beat.

He was sat upon a most dreadful throne, formed from a dozen, two dozen bodies mixed together like putty. Eyes staring out like horror-stricken stars twinkling in the night, and their hearts beating for all to see. A moaning came from that awful seat: voices trying to scream through things that weren’t their throat. And it is a sound I shall be glad to leave behind me when I go to my rest.

OH MY GOD THATS HORRIFYING UH WOW OH GOD I LOVE THAT IM ALSO JUST WOW OKAY WOW

wow!

i like this a lot!

I have dragged those other afflicted I could find into the parkplatz, laid them at the feet of that appalling throne, and taken the last gift of that generous construction site: a dozen cans of petrol. I will sit upon that seat and release these poor souls from their suffering, and hopefully make things simpler for the ECDC cleanup crews.

That's also an amazing image in my head. Hats off to Adelard Dekker for having a really cool death scene.

For all that, though, I cannot regret at the time I have spent seeking it. I have done my duty, and none may ask more of me. I am proud of the work we have done, and it has been an honor to do it alongside you.

Oh, I'm sad now.

I'm not sure what to say. Just pointing at it.

Goodbye, Gertrude. May you find your rest where no shadows are cast, and no eyes may see you slumber.

This is a great last line of a statement, and a great last line from a character. Goodbye, Adelard Dekker. He was great. He was doing good.

GEORGIE No, Jon, you’ve done enough! ARCHIVIST I just need to talk to her – GEORGIE What don’t you understand? She mutilated herself to get out of that place, and there is absolutely no way I’m letting you involve her again.

Yet another situation where I can understand both sides but have only been on one side! Yayyyy! That side being Jon's side.

I'm not saying Jon shouldn't have gone to Melanie, I mean, Melanie never said that Jon couldn't go to her, but I understand why Georgie wouldn't want him around her. It's not Jon's fault that Melanie was at the institute - like ever - but, I understand where Georgie's coming from. Like it's a whole bloody mess, I understand being in Jon's position, I understand cutting yourself off from people and then wanting to reach out and having no one to reach out to. I haven't been in Georgie's position, but I do understand wanting to protect the people you love.

I don't know. It's difficult. Should he have taken the hint and not gone to them? Sure. But it's a difficult time. I'm just... not going to pass... that much judgement. Because in this specific scenario, I don't think anyone's more wrong than the other. The Admiral is the most right though.

MELANIE Jon… don’t. Please. ARCHIVIST No, you’re right, I’m sorry. You alright?

Not associating with someone... means not associating with someone. If someone tells you to go away or to stop bringing up stuff they want nothing to do with... you should respect that. And I get that Jon's in a difficult situation, but I think the same applies.

He's handling it well. I sure hope nothing in this conversation is going to break my heart or anything.

MELANIE (Laughs) My therapist isn’t happy about it, you know. Unsurprisingly. Tried to have me put away, but they, um… they let me come here. It’s – it’s been good for me though I feel alright. I’m – I’m not scared anymore.

HHhhhhhh!!

I'm happy for her, alright, I love Melanie. I'm glad she's doing better. I really am.

MELANIE It’s – it’s okay. He’s welcome… as a friend. But that’s it. ARCHIVIST Right. MELANIE But you’re not after a friend, are you, Jon? ARCHIVIST I need an ally. MELANIE Then I can’t help you. ARCHIVIST I suppose not.

AND THERE'S THE THING THAT'S GOING TO BREAK MY HEART!

I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate that they could have been friends, that they were so bloody close, but Jon didn't need a friend, and Melanie couldn't go back, and the world ended, and I just hate how they could have been friends, could probably have been good friends, but circumstances were like "fuck you".

This podded cast, I'm telling you.

ARCHIVIST Look after yourself. Both of you. MELANIE You too. Good luck, I guess. ARCHIVIST Thanks.

it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine i'm soo normal about this

i wish they all could have made it out. but that's not how it works. and honestly, with everyone's knowledge of the whole situation... i'm not sure if there was a way to prevent it.

it being the eyepocalypse.

ARCHIVIST I need to know what’s in there. What’s at the center? I-it’s important, Martin – I need to know. HELEN (Gleeful) That’s a shame, because I’m afraid I’m not going to tell you! ARCHIVIST What? Why not? HELEN Because I have a good enough sense of what’s going on to know that it will be much more fun without my involvement! (The end of her words are almost lost as she laughs.)

HE'S JUST BEEN BETRAYED BY SOMEONE HE BARELY TRUSTED

that's gotta sting. especially, ah, well... especially knowing that she knew what she knew.

ARCHIVIST What? You – you said you were going to help! HELEN I am. ARCHIVIST I don’t have time for this. (Compellingly) What is at the cen– [Something changes. There’s a high, unsettling metallic sound and the sound of a knife (or something like a knife). Helen is threatening The Archivist.] HELEN (Threateningly.) No. We’re not playing your game. Now don’t forget how sharp I can be, Archivist. Perhaps here, now, you’re powerful enough to learn what you want from me, but if you try, I promise you I will resist. And only one of us is going to survive the attempt.

Oh... god. Just, like, he didn't trust her, or he thought he didn't trust her, and she was still able to betray him.

I love this moment, just "don't forget how sharp I can be, Archivist", and it's just like oh god, this is what she is, she's not your friend, she's not going to help you get to where you need to go, and you knew that all along, didn't you? Why are you surprised, it's hardly a betrayal when she threatens you with... whatever it is, when she threatens to kill you, when she lets someone end the world through you. You always knew what she was.

Why did you let her hurt you? You always knew what she was.

Reasons why Helen is my favourite variant of the Distortion part 10789

HELEN Run home, Jon. Find a victim on the way. Chaos is coming and I think you’d best be ready. ARCHIVIST Just tell me what’s going on. Please. HELEN Bad things, Archivist. Really bad things.

Shut up shut up I can't stop thinking about the end of this. Just, knowing something's coming, not knowing what it is, not knowing what's happening, alone in the tunnels, stabbed in the back by a monster who tricked you into believing she was a friend - you knew what she was, why did you let her. I can't stop thinking about him just completely alone and afraid and knowing only that something bad is about to happen.

Hhhhh Jonathan Sims <3

[sweetcinnamonmaplesyrup]

Ok so I feel bad for bombarding you with fan art b UT LOOK I LOVE THEM?? AND I SAID I'D DRAW HANA AND BABY SO HERE WE GO 😤😤 THE HOLY TRINITY + SOME CLOSE UPS!!

Ngl, these were comfort doodles for me ._. yesterday and today weren't my best days, and I managed to dig up the early(?) sketches of KOS, I also couldn't focus enough to do school work, so I decided to take a step back and have a day break to recover from everything :")) I'm going to be drowning in work, but hey! Also-- ah, I love how Hana and Baby came out because honestly I don't usually draw the body shape he has typically, nor do I draw dragons. Because while I love dragons, I cannot draw them for the life of me, and I am too much of a coward to branch out with body types (though drawing Hana has made me realise I'm seriously missing out lol definitely going to try branching out more after this). But!! They turned out better than expected, yay!! :")) (Let's pretend I'm consistent with how I draw these b E A NS-)

I definitely feel better after drawing these three! Seriously, while I wasn't feeling 100%, I kept thinking about @crabbng's story and these boys (as well as all of their other content because it is splendid), how they all made me feel giddy, intrigued to uncover more of the plot/the characters themselves, and it managed to bring a smile to my face.

I know that it's probably a little overdue (or maybe too soon-), but I just wanted to take a moment to sincerely thank Jacki for all the hard work and effort they've put in to make these stories possible and accessible for those to read. To capture the hearts and attentions of people is such a beautiful and amazing skill to acquire, one that I admire so much! You've definitely become one of my inspirations in the short time I've known you, I just--- aH! Your stories are so captivating and charming in their own right, from the plot, to the interactions of characters and their characterisations, to your expressive arts style! There's just something about your style that is sweet to me, I don't know. Probably just the aesthetic of it, ahaha! It's super pretty, please only improve with it 💕💕 I swear I get so excited whenever I get a notification from you, whenever I learn something new about your stories or just hear what you have to think about what others have posted (you made my absolute day when I found out you reblogged the fan art I did for you earlier-- I was energetic throughout the whole day lol). You've put so much care into the story you're putting out here and it shows!! I'm happy that I decided to jump on your Tumblr to read the originals at the time I did, rather than putting it off for another ten weeks or so lol u g h, you are just a precious inspiration who should continue to do what you love, seriouslyyy! You're too good with your talent and I just--- hgphnfkfnelakdpgpwlwlflgpfffffff- I love your works and you :")) thank you for existing, and sharing these stories, as well as spreading happiness 💕 now I'll stop bothering you, please go support them (@crabbng, double tag because this is a lengthy post lol)!!! I won't shut up until you do!! They deserve it!! >:0000

[raifenlf]

Why Loki’s Sylvie Is A Mary Sue

So I am firmly in the camp that Sylvie on the Loki series was/is a Mary Sue.  The last episode made me feel better and like maybe the show was doing a thing where they were faking you out that she was a Mary Sue only to show she was actually sort of a bad guy and I liked that.  But all the recent interviews make me think the show wants to go back to her being a Mary Sue.

But I feel like when I call her out for being a Mary Sue people tell me what are you talking about, she’s not a Mary Sue, bad things happen to her, etc.  But that doesn’t actually make her not a Mary Sue.  

Also, before we start, I know some people find Mary Sue sexist.  But I personally use the term for guys and girls. I don’t use the term to belittle women.  I use the term to criticize a poorly written character.

And I know Mary Sue is often used to describe fanfic characters.  But to me, this series is kind of like a fanfic because the writers took a character who had been in canon MCU material for ten years and then created characters around that character.  So, I kind of review it like I would a fanfic.  It’s very different than if the writers had created a brand new show with all of their own new characters.

Anyway, if you are not totally familiar with the Mary Sue term, then check this out:

I know the term Mary Sue probably means different things to different people.  But I have always used these guidelines when I write my own fanfic to make sure my characters never come off as a Mary Sue.

This article really gives you a full scale of what a Mary Sue is.  If you start reading it, you’ll immediately see why Sylvie is.  But I’m going to take out the parts that most fit Sylvie just to highlight why I believe she is a Mary Sue.  I apologize for this being so long.

Mary Sue Character Traits

Personality

Erm... what personality? The typical Mary Sue doesn't have one per se, because she isn't meant to be a character; rather, she's an entity by which the author makes cool stuff happen.

I feel like that is Sylvie in a nutshell.  She doesn’t have a personality.  I feel like even though she ate screentime, I still don’t really know her at all.  The writers love to say she’s badass.  That’s not a personality.  

Sometimes when I am writing stories for fun and creating new characters, I like to take surveys as my fictional characters.  Like the kind of surveys you’d see in a magazine, like personality types, what’s your dating style, etc.  I figure if I don’t know what my character would do in any of those situations, then I need to keep working on my character.  And if I was trying to fill out a survey pretending I was Sylvie I would have no idea what to answer because she doesn’t have a personality.  She’s just “cool”.

What little personality a Mary Sue has isn't as important as how other characters react to it. No matter how shy or socially awkward Mary Sue is supposed to be, other characters will be inexplicably drawn to her

This is so Sylvie.  Loki falls in love with her...why, exactly?  He falls in love with her in the big Nexus event moment...why?  Because she had a tough childhood?  Mobius spends like two seconds with her in a car and goes from hating her to saying she’s his favorite Loki.  For. No. Particular. Reason.

She's extremely persuasive; everyone finds her opinions to be better than their own

She enchants Hunter B-15 and then immediately Hunter B-15 makes it her whole entire life mission to back Sylvie up.  

And occasionally she'll be a complete asshole...This can manifest itself in several ways...The author wants to write a badass but doesn't know how. This leads to a character who mistreats everyone around her and is never called out on her abrasive, casually abusive behavior.

Sylvie talked down to Loki and treated him like garbage for all of episode three, but it was never portrayed as a bad thing and we never got any impression Sylvie later felt bad for the way she treated Loki

The author doesn't know how to hold back the character, meaning that she will succeed at practically everything. This means that when she encounters rules or authority figures who would otherwise prevent her from doing what she wants to do, she rolls right through them (and they praise her for her "boldness" in defying regulations). If a bad guy is violent and aggressive, she can beat him by being more violent and aggressive (with all that entails). It's impossible for her to go overboard because she's protected by Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Sylvie is shown as a kid to immediately be able to grab a Tempad and run away.  And she can kick ass way better than Loki, for no known reason.  She is always able to fight back against the TVA when they attack her.  And she can kill lots of innocent TVA agents but it’s okay because TVA bad, Sylvie good.

Skills

She will always be superior to the canon characters, regardless of what canon has established they can do or whether it makes any sense.

Whose skill was needed to defeat Alioth?  Sylvie’s.  Of course.  Sylvie needed to teach Loki her skills in order for him to succeed (!).  And again, she is literally called the superior Loki.

Relatedly, there's no effort to her skills. She never actually trains or learns anything to become more powerful; she just wins the Super Power Lottery, or is a freakish natural learner, or is just Inexplicably Awesome

We’re told Sylvie literally taught herself magic.  She literally taught herself to enchant people.  That. Makes. No. Sense.  Like, I have so many questions.  Like, why would it even occur to her to teach herself that?  And how????????????  This is really lazy writing.

Canon Character Relationships

Mary Sue is often designed to hook up with another character, often as a form of Wish Fulfillment. This isn't that bad in and of itself (okay, it is kinda weird), but Mary Sue accomplishes this without any sense of realism. She just grabs her lover's attention straight away, and their relationship will never face any obstacles or tension; it's true love from the start and nothing else. The biggest giveaway is if the love interest is explicitly the author's favorite character, and she essentially "cures" him of all the angst that ails him (at the expense of his characterization).

Yeah, so...this one should be pretty obvious to anyone who watched the show.  Loki literally falls in love with Sylvie immediately, and then he suddenly turns from “villain” to “hero” just because of loving her.  And this was definitely at the expense of his characterization.  And Loki just knows he falls in love with her.  There’s not even any moments of hmm what do I feel for this person?  It’s just true love, immediately.

She will be related to a canon character in some way. This (marginally) helps explain such phenomena as her being a Copy Cat Sue and other characters accepting her so easily.

Sylvie is a Loki variant.  They use this to help explain why Loki is drawn to her and why their falling in love immediately “makes sense”.

Most characters give her more heed than they normally would. The good guys never stop praising her

Seriously, it was so over the top and OOC for Loki to gush over her.  He literally tells her she’s amazing.  They don’t even make it subtle.

Characters' previously established personalities change in reaction to her. Proud, arrogant gimps suddenly acknowledge her superiority in everything. Reckless youths will listen to all her advice. Responsible leaders will defer to her instead. Villains will obsess with her to the detriment of all else. Extremely competent characters will become stumbling buffoons who require her help to do anything. Sweet, mild-mannered characters whom the author doesn't like turn evil and insult her. They all become unnaturally focused on her in some way.

Again, Loki’s whole personality changed in reaction to her.  He became a buffoon who needed her help to enchant the Alioth because of course he couldn’t do anything without her!  Hunter B-15 goes from doing whatever the TVA said to fighting the TVA just because of Sylvie.

Story Elements

Mary Sue is without exception a single-person Spotlight-Stealing Squad. The entire story hinges on her existence; if you removed her, there would be no story. 

Sylvie undoubtedly drove the whole story this season.  It all became about HER meeting the TVA heads because of HER trauma.  Loki’s life was only saved at the beginning because the TVA was trying to capture HER.  And SHE was the one who started the whole multiverse (!).

Mary Sue is The Chosen One, even if the setting already has one. There are many ways she can accomplish this: she can be a Sailor Earth type who "shares" the position with the canon hero; she may be vaguely "destined to help the destined one fulfill their destiny" (i.e. do all the work except the final blow so that the prophecy is still technically correct); or the canon hero may be revealed to be a Fake Ultimate Hero all along. Being the Chosen One doesn't necessarily involve her being a God-Mode Sue, especially as authors become aware of the phenomenon and try to avoid it, but it does make her critically important to the world and allows her to continue stealing the spotlight without the "god mode" label.

HWR wanted Sylvie to come with Loki in the end, like she was chosen all along right alongside Loki.  Like one of the most important characters in the entire MCU is now this character who we only met a few episodes ago.

Most Sues have an unusually Dark and Troubled Past. It's often used to create a Sympathetic Sue, but any type of Sue can have one

They tell us, over and over, how hard Sylvie’s life was because she was kidnapped by the TVA in order to create sympathy for her.

She almost never does anything wrong. In the rare instance that she does, it's usually; (a) a way for the author to disclaim her being a Mary Sue by introducing a single imperfection (that has no bearing on anything anyway), and (b) designed to show her smarts by making her feel instant remorse, and she'll be Easily Forgiven anyway:

So this one hopefully will not come true, as a lot can change between now and when the show is taped. But if the show goes on the way the behind the scenes team is talking, Sylvie immediately felt remorse for betraying Loki, and Loki has already forgiven her and is desperately looking for her.  Ugh.

Alternatively, she is more than capable of doing something wrong, be it in general moral terms or something that goes against whatever code she abides by, and she maybe even frequently does so, but don't expect the other characters or the narrative to ever acknowledge or comment on it in any real capacity. If the other characters do call her out, expect them to be treated like they're the problem for daring to criticize her at all.

Mobius calls her out for killing people, but Sylvie immediately says he’s a bad person and then Mobius agrees, because, of course.

She will often suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome; i.e., she has a trait or backstory that sets her apart from her group or race.

She is the only female Loki, thus making her the special one among all the Lokis in episode five.

Presentation

In visual media, the camera just can't stop staring at her.

The camera would follow her in fight scenes rather than Loki.

Mary Sue Tropes

Okay, so there are specific Mary Sue tropes that Sylvie is.  One of those is Copy Cat Sue, which I think was referenced before.

Copy Cat Sue

A lot of fanfic writers...start to write something because of their passion for this character, but they find something about the character that doesn't mesh well. Maybe they're the wrong gender or are otherwise not close enough to the author's expectations...In any case, rather than put them through the Possession Sue process, they just get a Clone-O-Matic™ and out pops a Copy Cat Sue...the character might be intended as a replacement for the canon character, but without whatever icky traits the author hates. They'll then rob the spotlight, prove the canon character to be unworthy of his/her position, and either relegate the character to obsolescence or, perhaps, even remove them entirely.

Sylvie is basically a clone of Loki, she is a variant.  But she absolutely robbed the spotlight of Loki’s, and they literally call her the superior Loki.  I mean, they are literally not even being subtle about this.  And there was a feeling by myself (and a lot of other viewers) that Sylvie might ultimately replace Loki in the MCU. 

Black Hole Sue

Much like a black hole, this is a Mary Sue who "sucks in" the plot and characters to her. Characters will behave outside their personalities, logic will be defied, and rules will be broken for her sake.

Sylvie really does suck up all the plot and Loki definitely behaves outside of his personality just to fit the Sylvie show.

Jerk Sue

A Mary Sue who is mean or maybe even cruel, but are still treated as an ideal person.

Once again, Sylvie is basically a jerk all of episode three, but you’ve got Loki falling over himself to call her amazing in just the next episode.

Relationship Sue

A Mary Sue who exists to be the perfect mate for a specific character...this character has everything in the plot conspiring to enforce this One True Pairing...in Fanfiction, they are the perfect beloved of a canon character.

They literally have Mobius speculate that Loki falling in love with Sylvie is so extraordinary that it causes an entire Nexus event, that’s how huge this One True Pairing is (!).  And Sylvie is the love interest of Loki, the only character who had been around before the beginning of the series

TLDR: Sylvie has all the tropes of a classic Mary Sue character.  So calling Sylvie a Mary Sue isn’t being sexist or just randomly hating on the character.  If you use common Mary Sue characteristics to examine the character, she just has too many of these characteristics to ignore.

[hellyeahheroes]

Robin(2021) #1 Review

Opening this comic with an assessment of a character that I have no choice but to agree with is a cheap way to score points with me.

Anyways, we caught heat for being unfair to this story since it was announced because all of us wanted it to be a Cass story since forever. And it became yet another thing Damian absorbs. I mostly ignored it because I’ve always been open about my disdain for the character and his fandom for nearly a decade. I never liked Damian because put these characteristics on a non-white passing character, they’d be dead inside of year. Then again I hate almost all of Grant Morrison monstrosities.

Regardless, new story who dis is in full effect here. We open this bad boy up with Damian gone missing and the Batfamily searching for him. Nightwing tried asking Damian’s old Teen Titans team and they obviously don’t know and probably hope Damian is dead. Tim checked Arkham Ruins(???) and Damian wasn’t there. I honestly don’t think Tim was trying to find Damian. Steph and Cass checked Damian’s farm and Steph concluded Damian has been there at least because while Damian may be a little shit, he loves his dog and pet bat dragon. Barbara checked facial recognition pings and his transactions and dude is an IRS nightmare.

Damian is missing. Bruce is worried that maybe making a violent murderous preteen Robin raised in a cabal of killers to be chief murderer was a bad idea and is worried. Barbara ensures him that they will find his son and we cut to Damian fighting Snake guy in some musty ass fight put somewhere. Because of course it’s a musty ass fight pit because while the story is well drawn, it never claimed to be not cliche.

Damian hands the scrub his ass and it turns out Damian is trying to earn a marker to participate in some tournament. I liked this panel.

Not because of the artist flex of changing the art style, but it establishes Damian with a relatable hobby, reading manga. And not just a Shounen as you expect him to read but a slice of life manga which kind of puts his life in perspective. Also the lesson in the manga is reflective of what happens in the comic. Damian’s mastery is reflective of how he sees Hana. Hana decides to go beyond what her masters taught her. She decides to innovate and make her art her own. And that’s indicative of another flaw of Damian: Damian leans of the prestige of his teachers. He is the student that replicates the style 1:1. He wants to inherit Batman’s mantle, but doesn’t want to shed his teachings that he is proud of. And it comes down to this idea that Damian refuses to innovate and adapt because he is hiding behind his masters.

This panel saved the story so good job.

And after a talk with dead Alfred, it’s revealed that Damian is on this journey as a way to mirror Bruce’s journey into becoming Batman. It’s his way to iron his resolve without a catalyst to find a need to. It highlights his naïveté. He thinks that he can just simply copy the steps and get the same results.

Regardless what happens next simultaneously undermines the story or the impact of it.

Okay, when you think of Martial artists in DC, you immediately think Batman, Shiva, Deathstroke, Black Canary, Bronze Tiger, Richard Dragon, and Shiva. Why I said Shiva twice? Because Shiva is the pinnacle.

So to reveal that three premier martial artists in the universe are not only not participating but they were paid off to not participate, cheated out, or were subbed in as an entry replacement, it undermines the promotion. It’s like going to a Beyonce Concert only to find out that between the words in small print Beyonce and Concert was ‘s Sister’s and now you are watching Grammy award winning Solange. Sure, it’s an unique experience but it ain’t Beyonce.

And also, there is no amount in the world that would keep Shiva away from this tournament if it’s as prestigious as it’s led to be. Let’s be real. If anything, it’s far more likely that she saw the roster of scrubs and decided to make some scratch.

There are two characters that I recognize: Connor Hawke and Rose Wilson. I am not familiar with Connor so I am not sure if he is out of place. Rose is fine but y’know, scrub. I’m sorry Rose Wilson got her ass handed to her by Cass in the previous universe. There is no universe where I take her seriously in a fighting tournament to crown greatest fighter because the ass stomp was so thorough that Cass was beating Slade’s ego by proxy.

Back to the comic, Damian interrupts the host and basically is the fighting tournament trope of overly confident disrespectful guy with too many accolades which he will proudly tell you about them. What I like about this is the nice nod to the previous manga panel. Damian is not a great fighter. There I said it. Damian’s ability hinges on the idea that he was trained by the greatest killers and Batman but the issue is that name prestige doesn’t make great fighters. Too many times, comic books overly rely on this idea of fighting being a what you know and not being a game of not getting hit and getting hits in. It does not matter if Damian is trained by the League and Batman and it’s questionable as to how much Batman taught him in the first place. Hence why we see Damian with a sword or staff to compliment his lack of range. Damian can’t read muscle twitches like a Cass or Shiva so he has a normal reactive response and comics never highlighted his ability. The most impressive thing I’ve seen Damian do is catch a Batarang which is something I’ve seen Tim do. Damian overly relies on the idea that his teachers taught him to be the best when they simply taught him to survive in a fight.

“But why does Cass get away with it?,” you ask. Cass has this broken hax that is reading muscle twitch and immediately knowing the instant of what you are going to do before you do it or decide to do. Cass doesn’t need range because to her, you are screaming your intentions. She doesn’t need to block an attack when she can just parry. She doesn’t need to step back when she can just step forward while slipping all attacks. She is an autistic savant at fighting with an absolute defense. Damian is just another badass teen in a world of badass adults.

And the humbling of Damian begins...again.

Pros:

-Damian’s new costume. I like that he is branching out and starting to own his own colors. It’s nice.

-Using a character flaw to make it a theme. I like Chekhov’s gun via teachable moment. In tournament arcs, what separates the good ones and the bad ones is the idea that the hero simply must overcome their opponents and not their own self. This is why Yuyu Hakusho is awesome.

- Great art and nice continuity. It’s nice that Damian’s past wasn’t ignored for once and they didn’t just throw his Teen Titans characterization down the tubes. Say what you want, but it was arguably Damian’s longest run in spite of his fans hating it. And contrary to what they believe, it was very much in character for him. My fear going into this that Damian would not face any fallout and lo and behold he ran away.

- it’s a good start for a Damian story. Say what you want, but it’s unique in that the little shit gets his comeuppance immediately. And not that just by losing, but by dying. Damian has killed before and readily justifies it because he never realizes the weight of taking someone’s life. He’s been killed before but those were painted in a way that he is valiant. Here, this is death caused by his own arrogance. He mocks a fighter for talking shit and gets murked while talking shit. He spouts names of his own teachers and expects people to care or be weary as if Rose Wilson and Connor aren’t there. It’s a tournament sponsored by the League of Assassins, Damian. They have been taught by the league too.

Cons:

-Look I get promotion. No promoter is going to undermine their product but the fact that this tournament reeks like ABA is killing my interest to give a shit. It’s a convenient caveat to say that, “Well, a character won this so they can have the title but the title doesn’t mean anything.” I know of regardless of whom wins this, they aren’t the best. Go ham or don’t at all.

-not enough emphasis of the importance of this arc. Why even have this tournament? What’s the prize? What’s even the point?

-While the art is nice, the action is framed poorly. I like physical action like this to be nearly choreographed in a way I can see and piece movement in my head. The two fight scenes we get are somewhat disjointed in that it’s just poses. For example, Flatline’s first kick makes no sense at all and I don’t get her follow up. Trying to picture the movement hurts my head and in an action concept like this, it’s best to frame action scenes as more than doing poses. Here is a good example:

This only emphasizes the action and gets the reader to acknowledge that this a tournament of great fighters or at least a great fighting story.

All in all, do I think this story is off to a good start? Yes. Is it going to change my opinion on Damian? Hell no. My reaction to Damian getting his ass handed to him was this.

The issue is that it never sticks. Damian can learn and be a better person but the development never sticks. It becomes a cyclical series of events because whoever writes him next will just keep writing him as this shitty entitled murder rich kid who never learns anything and gets validated somehow. It’s been over a decade and I’m tired of the same excuses of his shitty behavior. I am tired of writers validating it or excusing it.

Damian losing isn’t an outcome I care for because it’s wasted on him. Honestly I am more interested in Connor and Rose being there. I have no faith that it will stick nor does it undo the shitty idea of the character. I have never wanted to see Damian fight. It’s never been fun to read about nor has the impetus of his character emphasized the ability or style. Placing Damian in an Enter the Dragon style tournament lacks the pizzazz of Cass doing the same thing. For example, let’s try Marvel.

Let’s say someone pitches an idea of a tournament arc styled after Game of Death. Immediately you think Martial Artists non-powered. Danny Rand, Daredevil, Elektra, Shang-Chi, Pei and Colleen Wing. Okay, instead of giving those characters the honor, you give the story to Black Cat. Honestly, I’d read it because Felicia could sell me a documentary on grass and I’d buy it but the point stands, why does Damian have this Bruce Lee inspired Martial Arts story versus the actual Chinese or East Asian Martial Arts focused member of the Batfamily, Cassandra Cain?

But this has nothing to do with what could have been. It’s a fun beginning of a possibly fun arc. In that regard, it delivers but what’s the point?

Like I said, fun story.

@ubernegro

[namluve]

↳ right on tide | seokjin x reader | 16.5k | oneshot | 18+  genre: smut, crack, angst & a little fluff, e2l, coworker au warnings: near death experiance (drowning), oral sex (m+f), fingering, swearing, praise 

❝ as a passionate surfer instructor at one of the most glamour’s vacation resorts there were two things you hated. bad weather and kim seokjin. jin always steals your summer hook ups, leaving you in a dry spell for the whole summer each year the two of you work on the resort. this time, you decided things would be different, this time, you would get revenge. ❞

note: this is my late bangtan boardwalk fanfic finally seeing the light. I want to thank everyone who encouraged me and a speciall thank you to @spicykoreantatertots​, Hannah, who helped me beta read it. without you, this would have been a hot mess. enjoy! 

Laying on the beach, you listen as the waves hit the shore, the sound comforting as you try to relax. Kim f-ing Seokjin was arriving at the island today, two weeks after everyone else because, why not? As far as you're concerned, this just meant two weeks of not having to deal with his ass.

Being passionate about surfing, you were blessed to be able to have a job as a surfing instructor during the summer. A nice break from the rest of the year that was spent at university. The summer was the highlight of every year because you were able to share your passion with others. Teaching beginners how to surf as well as giving more experienced surfers tips. Your workplace was a famous vacation resort set by the beach, surrounded by small islands. Attracting all kinds of people, but mostly middle aged singles looking for a good time. 

These first two weeks of your summer, however, had been a little different. With Jin gone, you had to step in and cover some of his shifts, which you honestly didn’t mind. Diving had always been something you’d find relaxing. You loved to be able to watch the ocean underneath the waves as well as on top of them. Seeing entire ecosystems flourish and live peacefully, even if there was a storm raging on the surface. It always seemed to be quiet down in the sea.

That’s why you didn’t mind taking some of Jin’s shifts. Having missed diving and seeing the ocean from below, it was a win. Well, besides all the extra workouts you got from working double shifts. Your body, that was happy whenever you walked instead of taking the bus, was untrained and not ready for such intense exercise. Your muscles were sore, and you thanked God for the waves being too high to ride today. Giving you a day to rest and recover. To let go of your worries. 

This year, you wouldn’t let Kim Seokjin ruin your summer. That you were sure of. You had packed all of your most daring outfits. Swallowing all of your insecurities, this year would be the year that Jin wouldn’t get in the way of your hook ups.

He was always so shameless about it, stealing them right in front of your eyes. The first few times he had done it, you were convinced the boy was gay. So, you went after a girl that, just like the guys, eventually left your side to go with him.

What was annoying about it though, was that he always waited until the end of the evening before making his move. Stealing them at the very last minute. Not giving you a chance to find someone else.

This year, however, you had a plan. A plan to ruin your enemy’s mischiefs for good. This year, your dry summer spell will end. This year, you will get revenge.  

Jin’s first week back, things are as usual. He flirts with and gets together with everyone, leaving you to feel like a plastic bag that’s just floating in the air while nobody cares about the environment. So, you just keep on floating, never getting picked up.

In all fairness, you barely tried. Too tired after work and your mood was instantly brought down at the sight of Jin. Why did someone so handsome have to be so cruel to you? 

You were even convinced that one time he brought you a drink at the last party was some kind of apology for being dick. Only for him to scare away the cute girl you were talking to.

“What? She obviously had a boyfriend. I really did you a favour.” Was his response when you confronted him about it. What a dick. 

“Please don’t ever come near me again. I don’t even want to breathe the same air as you right now!” You angrily shouted as you stomped your foot before walking away from him. 

Jin chuckled as you walked away. God his crush was a maniac. He could have chosen to like literally anybody else. Yet, every summer he came back, he couldn't help but to be drawn towards you. More and more so for every time you annoyingly rolled your eyes at him. He couldn't help but to think you were adorable.

After the first month of the summer had passed, your boss gathered around all team leaders for a quick meeting. Wanting to check the progress of each department. Making sure things were going smoothly. Your boss was not at any fault for having these meetings, but it did mean you had to spend time with Jin. Which… you weren’t excited about it, considering how mad you were at him for his behaviour at the last party. 

“Y/n! how is it going for our new guests?” Your boss asks, all eyes shifting towards you. You glance over at Jin. A coy smile on his lips. You wanted to gag at the sight, turning your attention towards your boss. 

Jin was probably really happy about being in the same room as you. Especially when last time you spoke to him, you said you didn’t want to breathe the same air as him. Only to be forced to be in the same room as him four days later. 

“Good. Most of them really have a talent for it. I’m fully booked for the next two weeks.” 

“I’m glad to hear. Jin,” the focus shifts to Jin and as you look at him, your eyes meet. His eyes had never seemed to shift their focus from you. Not until your boss spoke again and he turned towards him. “How is it going for our new recruit?”

Had the diving team gotten another employee? While you and Taehyung were on your knees with how overbooked you were? This had to have been Jin’s doing. He probably knew about your department's situation and got another recruit for the laughs of it.

“It’s going well but it is going to take some time until he can swim out with a team of his own. Together we can keep track of two more people so that’s been a relief.” He speaks and you scoff., rolling your eyes at his words. So their new recruit couldn’t even handle a team on his own? Useless to hire him in the first place, you thought.   

“Something you wanna say y/n?” Jin asks and suddenly all eyes are on you again. That fucker. A smirk on his lips. His prolonged plan to make your boss hate you going really well right now you thought. If looks could kill, Jin would’ve dropped dead on the floor.

“Nothing.” You quietly said, the kind warming smile on your bosses’ face turned towards you. You turned towards him, your face softening. The glares you had been sending Jin gone the moment you turned your eyes away from his. 

Your boss could be, at times, hard to read. He wanted to hear improvements that could be made to the resort. Well... as long as he didn’t have to put any time or money into it. Complaining about your work hours would probably not make a difference. Your boss milked out as much as he could from your department each year. 

“Come on y/n, you know you can speak your mind freely here. We want everyone to be a part of the meeting and voice their concerns.” Your boss tried and you thought, well… When he puts it like that…

“We could really use another person on my team.” You begin hesitantly. “As I said, I am fully booked for the coming two weeks and Taehyung is as well. In between that, I somehow need to find time for my paperwork. And also time to clean all the equipment.” You explained, seeing the cogs turn in your bosses’ head at your words. “We could just really use some help…”

A silence was left in the room as your boss was thinking. Jin still had a smile on his face. You thought it was because he was taunting you, but really, he was proud to see you standing up for yourself. Speaking up about the issues you so loved to talk about with your colleagues. He actually wanted for you to have some free time, to not have to work overtime everyday. 

“You’re right,” Your boss suddenly says. Surprised to hear him say those words, you looked at him confused, “since Jace can’t dive on his own with tourists yet, he can help out with cleaning and organizing all the surfboards at the end of the day. Gives you more time with the paperwork, sounds fair?”

You nod, never having expected to get anywhere with your comment. Happy that finally, you might not have to stress everyday to make sure everything stays afloat. Your boss was probably pleased with the solution, not having to hire another worker and just moving around the ones he has. Like he usually does in any situation ever. You wouldn’t be surprised if he threw you around the departments this summer as well, despite your busy schedule. Oh well, you guess you’ll just have to wait and see.

The meeting went on as usual. You looked at Jin a final time before you ignored him for the rest of the meeting. He still had that stupid smile on his face. In a way, it was his push that led you to get some extra help in your department. Never in your life would you admit that though. You would never give credit to Jin.

As the end of the day slowly approached, you decided to sit down and look over your paperwork. There was much more paperwork to your job than you initially thought. Having to look over the next day's bookings, plan out lessons, keep track of the weather and make sure everyone paid.

Yesterday’s meeting was forgotten, the stress of today’s work wearing heavy on you. Your shoulders tense, legs sore and skin almost burning. Of course you wore sunscreen when you were outside but sadly, that didn’t always help. Today was one of those days.

You didn’t even notice when the door to your little hut opened. Jin stepped in, looking around the place. This was where it all began for him. He started his career as a surfing instructor before it got boring and he moved on to diving.

He knew the passion you held for the sport, always looking so happy out on the waves. He knew you held some kind of grudge against him, and he kind of knew why. Jin honestly just liked to deny it. Stealing your crush’s dates maybe wasn’t the best way to get them to like you, but it sure got their attention.

Also, you looked super cute mad. Brows furrowed together, jaw clenched, eyes piercing through him with rage. Often placing your hands on your hips as you scold him. In all honesty, Jin didn’t even listen to half the things you were saying while you were shouting at him. He was just happy to be able to see you eye to eye. You couldn’t ignore him when you were mad at him.

Jin had already sent off Jace to help Taehyung, he really didn’t have to go inside the hut but he wanted to see you. Concentrating on your work, you huffed the strand of hair that had fallen down onto your face. Trying your best to piece together the schedule. A new family booking three lessons last minute, screwing over your entire schedule.

It wasn’t until Jin started walking towards you that you noticed his presence, sighing in annoyance. Looking at him as he stood in front of you. A white t-shirt clinging slightly to his chest, dirty blond hair still a little wet, beige shorts going down just above his knees. He had probably just ended his shift while yours was on for at least another hour. Yet another petty thing you could be mad at him about.

“I cannot deal with you today.” You tell him, rolling your eyes and he laughs. Showing off his white teeth as he smiles brightly.

“In all fairness, you say that to me everyday.”

“And I mean it every time.” You snapped back and Jin sighed. Well, he wasn’t getting anywhere closer to you with this conversation. Looking at the papers splayed out around the table. Your work computer open with the booking tab, Jin sensed there was something more to your attitude today.

“Tell me what’s really bugging you,” Jin said, a seriousness and caring tone to his voice, “I know there is more to this.”

“Well…” You began, contemplating whether to open up to Jin or not. Looking up at him through your tired eyelids, you decide what the hell. You had no problem complaining to all the other employees, why not to your arch nemesis. “There’s just this family who booked some lessons last minute, screwing up my plans completely.”

“I see...” Jin said, looking like he was thinking. Holding his chin between his thumb and pointer finger. “Have you tried seeing if the family has any previous surfing experience?” He asks and you sigh. Of course Jin wouldn’t be of any help, just mock you with the most basic questions.

“It’s the first thing I check, they haven’t written anything in their booking.”

“Not that, but the database that stores all bookings. So… you can check those made a long time ago.” There was a database for it? Wow, you thought, this really showed how poorly your boss had educated you before throwing you into the job. You had almost been completely independent already on day one.

“Should I have?” You ask, feeling suddenly small and not so bold against Jin anymore. There was just something about his relaxing nature, never stressing about things, knowing quite a lot about the resort and how it works. Yes, you were willing to bury the hatchet for a little while if that meant your job would get easier.

“I mean… I could show you if you want?” Jin quietly suggested and you nodded, sliding your chair to the right so Jin would have space to work on the computer. He walked over. Even though you had moved your chair, Jin still had to bend down over your shoulder. His chin almost resting on your shoulder as he began typing something on the computer.

You closed your eyes for a moment, Jin’s scent completely taking over you. His perfume was sweet, but with a hint of musk in it. The warmth of his body makes your cheeks heat up. Suddenly, you felt like a highschool girl about to get her first kiss.

“Y/n.” Jin said your name, snapping you out of your thoughts. As he turned his head towards you, you were suddenly painfully aware of how close his lips were to yours. Ears red, you answered him, “yes?”

“The family that’s coming are pro surfers, they just don’t know how to book the surfing boards without adding the lessons.” He speaks and you look at him, stunned. Hypnotized by his beauty, never seen him this up close.

Tilting your head to the side, you allow yourself to be drawn to him as you ask. “How do you know that?”

“I taught them how to surf many years ago, they are pro surfers and friends with one of the managers.” Jin’s words were what got you out of your trance. No way would you play into his little games.

“What do you mean you taught them?” For as long as you could remember, the four years you had been working at the resort you hadn’t seen Jin surf, not even once. He was probably just playing with you right now, as usual. Jin sensed your change of tone, realizing you were probably going to be annoyed with him in a few seconds again.

“I started out as a surfing instructor, before I moved on to diving.” Jin explained and you scoffed.

“Why? Was loch ness calling you back to your home?” Jin was a bit taken aback by your words. For some reason they sounded harsher than usual. He shook his head, exhaling a deep breath as he stood up. Disappointed in himself for thinking he had the smallest of chance with you. 

“What?” You questioned, confused by Jin’s reaction. He wasn’t teasing you back and it made you feel weird. You couldn’t describe it, but it was almost as if you felt bad for him. Jin began walking towards the door, having to intention to stay any longer in your presence.

“And here I thought you would be nice for five minutes.” Jin almost spit out, a clear anger behind the tone of his voice. “Not even a thanks for the help.”

And with that Jin left. Leaving you alone with your paperwork. The room almost felt cold despite the heat that radiated from the sun outside. Your stomach twisting and turning, feeling as if there was a lump in your throat. Jin had just helped you, and you had, what? Been nothing but a dick to him. Your rivalry aside, he wasn’t that bad of a person, and you knew that.

Your colleagues telling stories about how nice and helpful he was would often make you want to gag. But matter of fact, Jin was a nice and helpful person, you were just too caught up to notice it most of the time. Never thanking him when he opened a door for you, made sure you always had water at the meetings. Leaving his leftovers at your door when he knows you're working all the time.

The first few times he’d done it, you thought it was to poison you or something. When you tasted his food for the first time however, you were blown away with how good it tasted. A smile on your lips each time you found a container outside your door. Not sending him a glare the next time you’d see him after he’d left some food. Jin noticed it of course. It was one of the few things he knew wouldn’t get on your nerves. 

Now he was helping you with work, and you did nothing besides be a dick to him. Sighing, you tried to go back to your paperwork. Ignoring the bad feeling that was upsetting your stomach. Your schedule, more or less saved thanks to Jin. Now, you just had to pull through the rest and do some cleaning, then you’re good to go.

“We’re all done!” Taehyung chimed in as you closed your laptop, finally being done with the paperwork after an hour. Confused, you looked at the bright smiling boy who most of the time looked like a lost puppy.

“We?” You question and Taehyung just nodded, smiling brightly.

“Yeah, Jin left Jace with us so he helped me out. Once you’re done with the paperwork we can head back.” Your mood was now drastically lifted, a wide smile on your face as you packed your things. The first day ever since you got here this summer that didn’t end in overtime.

Taehyung packed up his things as well and once the two of you were out the door, you locked it. Feeling the warmth of the sun as you step outside. Even thought the sun was setting,the warmth from it almost burned your feet as you walked over to the apartment complex with Taehyung. 

As you walk down the hall, you glance at Jin’s door, wondering for a second what he was up to. Was he mad at you? Was he sad? You couldn’t exactly go up to his door and ask so you decided to do the next best thing.

After cooking dinner for yourself, you wrapped a box up for Jin as well. You left a note on top of the plastic container, writing ‘thank you’ on it. Would Jin even know it was you? I mean, yes it was your iconic yellow dotted containers he would receive the food in, but how would he know for sure?

Deciding to write your name in the bottom corner, you head outside of your apartment, and take the few strides it takes to walk over to Jin’s door. Placing the container on his doormat. Hopefully, he will accept your apology. Hopefully, you might have a chance to make things right with him.

There were parties essentially every night at the single resort you were working at. Tonight, however, the resort would host one of their more famous ones. This meant a lot of people would attend it. since the weather would be bad tomorrow, you didn’t have to get to work that early. You had the best conditions that could’ve been given you to get revenge.With your makeup on point. Eyeliner so sharp you hoped it would cut into Jin’s perfect face. You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before you made your way down to the beach.

Your dress shimmering in the moonlight as you stepped outside. Following the stonepath on the ground, you make your way over to the party tents. What if Jin was still mad at you? You hadn’t really seen him after you tried to apologize to him with your cooking. He must have gotten over it, he usually did when you were rude to him. You’d never know why though, especially when you didn’t deserve it most of the time.   

As you arrived, you thankfully accepted the welcoming drink. Shaking a little as you grabbed it. Most of your friends were not up to the party, meaning, you were on your own. As you sipped on it, you spotted Jin. Talking with two girls, he looked perfect as usual. Laughing at some joke one of the girls probably told him. The feeling that set in your stomach at the sight could only be described as green. Luckily, you were already wearing it on your face, the green makeup showing your true colours unintentionally. 

Jin was dressed as Eric as far as you could see. A dashing prince. The two girls around him looked stunning as well, although, they didn’t put in as much effort as you and him to the masquerade bit. Wearing simple dresses and nude makeup, they didn’t stand out quite as well as the two of you did. You’d overheard Jin telling Taehyung how excited he was for the party because he loved to dress up. Why was he spending his time with people who didn't even put in half the effort he did?  

Jin was wearing Prince Eric’s signature white loose shirt. A red scarf that it seemed like he diy’d into looking like Eric’s belt. Dark blue loose trousers with almost knee high black boots. To top it all off, he’d changed his hair colour into black. Probably spraying it with some wash off colour, same as you with your red. Your green dress that barely covered your butt went well with the green and blue makeup you’d put on your face. Using fishnet stockings to create a fishscale pattern on your face to finish it all off, you were ready for tonight. 

This year, it was time to switch things up. This year, you would take his conquests from him. Not the other way around. You decided to finish your glass of champagne in one go, hoping it would give you a boost of confidence as you started walking towards Jin. You had one goal in mind, ruin Seokjin’s chances with those two girls. 

As you made your way down the beach, Jin noticed you. Eyes locked on yours for a second before they trailed your body up and down. It was most certainly a win on your part. You had checked Jin out as well, but he didn’t know that. Jin’s mouth was slightly open, his reaction more obvious with the three glasses of champagne in his body. He most certainly thought you’d never looked better.

Jin had let go of all the anger he felt towards you when he had gotten your apology meal. You had tried after all, and he couldn’t be mad at you for that. Especially considering this was the first time you had even tried to apologize to him, Jin thought that he might have a chance now. If not at pursuing you, at least at becoming your friend.

“My prince,” you announced as you reached him, and the girls took half a step back. Thinking that the two of you might be a couple of some sort. Well, you did wear matching outfits after all. A smirk on your lips as they did. Your plan was going as planned.

“Princess,” Jin answered, bowing down before you overdramatically. One hand behind his back, one foot in front of the other before he stood up again. His hand reaching forward, you hesitated before you placed your hand in his. Remembering what you’d told yourself earlier. You weren’t going to let him have an affect on you at all. You couldn’t be thrown off by a little hand holding. Besides, it would probably increase the chances of the two girls to leave. 

He took hold of it, never breaking eye contact as he placed a kiss upon it. It shouldn’t affect you at all, but the way he was looking at you got you feeling butterflies in your stomach. You’d forgotten why you walked over in the first place. Forgotten about how this was not supposed to affect you at all. Forgotten how this was all just a chance for you to get revenge.

The girls had left by now, not really understanding what was happening and left for some more drinks. A little sad that the dashing prince was already taken by you.

“You look stunning Ariel.” Jin complimented and you felt your cheeks heat up. Happy that the green makeup probably covered it. Keep it together, you thought to yourself. 

“So do you Eric.” Two could play this game, you thought. Jin looked surprised by your words, well, most often you only called him names and was angry at him. This surely was a nice change.

“Care for a dance?” He asked, knowing he was probably risking it. You could turn at any given moment. Get mad at him. Scold him, as you have done for years but you shrugged your shoulders. A ‘sure’ leaving your lips even though you were far from sure. Your mission was already completed, then why did a tiny voice in your head tell you to dance? 

These were uncertain waters you had never explored before. Sure, Jin had flirted with you a few times before but that was just to annoy you, right? Like that time he’d shamelessly checked you out when you were by the swimming pool the first summer you worked at the resort. Sending a wink your way when your eyes meet. The two of you didn’t know each other back then and as the summer went on, your annoyance for Jin continued to grow. 

At the first party you ever attended at the resort, Jin stole your date for the first time. You’d gathered courage to talk to the cute guy that had brought you ice cream earlier that week. Only to have Jin swoop in and steal him right under your nose, take him to his room and spend the night with him. 

As he led you out to the dancefloor, your coworker started looking at your direction. Ready to call 911 in a second, knowing how heated you could be at times. You got self conscious under their stares. Jin looked at where your eyes were directed. Seeing the hesitant look on your face. How could someone so confident in front of him feel so small in other people’s company? You took half a step closer to him, searching for safety without realizing it. Jin was more than happy to provide it. 

Taking your hand, he placed it on his shoulder, and you took the hint. Placing your other hand on top of his shoulders as well. As you turned your eyes to meet his, your surroundings suddenly seemed to disappear. His hands moved to rest on your hips. Swaying to the music, his eyes almost burning through yours and you feel the need to look away. Flustered at having him so close to you.

“Don’t shy away from me now princess.” Jin chuckled and you thought, how could I not? Besides the fact that you hated him, you couldn’t deny that Jin was handsome. Stunning even. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was infuriating, you would have jumped his bones a long time ago. Whenever Jin wasn't making you mad, he was always making you feel things you couldn’t quite understand. It had always been easier to just hate him.  

But right now, you and Jin were in the situation you were in. For years dancing around each other to finally dance with each other. You had to admit it, it was nice. Not to be angry, not being on your toes around him. Just enjoying his company. Just being.

Jin had a hard time believing this was all real. He knew you hated him. He just didn’t know why. I mean yeah, he teased you a lot, but he didn’t know how else to catch your attention. To have you practically in his arms, flustered, not being able to look him in the eyes was a blessing. He never wanted it to end. 

“This is quite nice,” Jin said and you finally looked at him again. Muttering a ‘what?’ as you had been too deep in your own thoughts to acknowledge what he’d said.

“I said it’s quite nice, dancing like this. Not fighting.” Jin spoke again and as he did, he felt your hands clench, your whole body stiffening. He knew his moment with you was over.

“Well it’s not my fault we began fighting, is it?” You snapped back and Jin couldn’t read your expression one bit. It seemed as if you were in a conflict with your own thoughts and words. Wanting one thing and saying another. 

“So, who started the fighting?” Jin asked, wanting your honest thoughts. Wanted to know what he did to make you hate him so much. You were already looking for your escape by then. You wanted nothing more than to just be alone and swallow your feelings. This was exactly why you didn’t allow yourself to be nice around Jin. Things got messy. 

Spotting Kyle, your colleague that you didn’t exactly get along with either, you made your exit.

“I’m just gonna check on Kyle,” you said letting go of Jin, moving past him. He took hold of your arm before you could move out of his personal space. His eyes pleading as you looked back at him.

“Please just tell me what I did,” he begged, and you harshly pulled your arm from his grasp. Looking in his eyes for one more second before you headed straight towards Kyle. Your feet moved on your own as you moved past him and started walking back to the resort.

You didn’t need this. Not at all. You were supposed to make him feel bad, not the other way around. As you reached the lobby, you were met with a handsome face. The brown haired tall boy looking at you up and down as you walked over to him.

“Wanna be my distraction for the night?” You asked him and he nodded. Taking out his hand so you could shake it.

“I’m Matt,” he introduced himself and you shook his hand, introducing yourself.

“Nice to meet you, what’s a beautiful lady like you doing running from the party like that?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Just avoiding my co-worker really. Care to show me to your room?” Matt nodded and you small talked on your way over. Finally, you had managed to get a hook-up of your own without Jin interrupting.

Spending the night in Matt’s room you were treated to adequate sex. You know the one that’s not bad but doesn’t leave you quite satisfied? Yeah, that one. You woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because of Matt’s snoring, so you decided to head back to your room.

Walking with your heals in your hand down the halls, going to the staff area, you passed Jin’s door. Wondering who had been the lucky lady or guy to follow him back to his room tonight. Could have been you if you weren’t so stubborn. Jin had his eyes set on you.

Walking over to your door that was almost at the end of the hall, you unlock your door. Going inside, you threw your heels to the side and took off your dress. Finally getting to remove your makeup and put on your softest pyjamas. Climbing in under the covers, you fell asleep quickly. Dreaming of dancing with Jin.

You woke up because of loud knocking on your door. Looking at the clock, you realized it was only seven in the morning. Your first day off in what felt like forever as well. What a joke your life suddenly seemed to be.

Grunting, you got up. The lack of sleep gives you a headache that is pulsating, making it feel like your head was about to explode. Your limbs were still asleep as you dragged yourself across the floor to your door.

Opening it, you were met with an equally tired very familiar face.

“What do you want Jin?” You snared, not quite happy about being awoken so early. Jin looked down at your pyjamas, smiling. Finding it cute.

“Boss said we need to dive and check on one of the reefs,” he explained, and you scoffed. A week was all it took before your boss started moving you around as usual. You didn’t expect it to be in Jin’s team, however. It was probably because you covered for Jin those first two weeks that he missed. Where was he those weeks anyway?

Being reminded of his absence, you grew even more annoyed at the situation. “Does he know about the storm-“ 

“Yes he does, and he doesn’t seem to care, he wants us to do it before the storm comes.” Jin interrupted, seeming burdened as the words left his mouth, obviously agreeing with you. It was dangerous to go out on the waters when there is a possibility of a storm. It wasn’t even a possibility today, it was well known along the whole coast that the storm would come.

“It’s a reef close to one of the new living areas that’s opening in a few days. Apparently, some fishers did some damage to it…” You saw the sadness in Jin’s eyes. You knew how much he cares about the ocean, just as much as you. “…and we need to check on it.”

He continues explaining and you nod. Of course, your boss cared the most about his precious resort more than anything. More than his summer employees. But still, you cared about the ocean too, having a deep respect for the waters and the animals living in it. It contributes to you being able to carry out your sport.

So, you agreed to help Jin. You didn’t really have a choice in the matter. You just hoped that you could be done just in time to miss the storm. Scared of what would happen if you didn’t make it back in time. 

Out on the boat, the waves had already started getting worse since the crew got out on the water. The two old men driving the boat hadn’t said a word to you or Jin since you sat down in the boat. Probably not that happy about being out on the water today and you totally understood that.

Looking over to your right, you focused on Jin for a while. He looked good in the diving suit, you had to admit that. Almost more so than the prince Eric costume if you’re being honest. The wetsuit clinging to his body in the most appealing way it probably could. Showing off his toned body.

“Yah… if you’re going to stare at me, you have to make it a little less obvious.” Jin suddenly spoke, turning to you. Your ears and cheeks turned red as you kept eye contact with him. You were not going to let him make you feel flustered this year, no.

“I was just thinking about if I should throw you off the boat or not… It’s really moving towards ‘yes’ right now.” Jin laughed at your comeback. Muttering a ‘sure’ under his breath as he began to look at the ocean again. The island where the reef was located got closer with every second as the boat traveled across the waters.

“You know all the signals, right?” Jin suddenly asked, mostly just to have a conversation with you, but also as part of his routine. You wouldn’t be able to speak under water of course, you would have to rely on being able to signal things with your hands to one and another.

You scoffed at his question. “Do you even know who took care of your shift while you were gone doing God knows what?” Jin never meant to question your abilities but he quickly realized he hit a sensitive spot. You were probably the most overworked employee. He knew that because you knew the place inside and out. The boss of course loved to use that, throwing you around wherever he needed you.

He sighed, turning his head towards you. Looking at you with a pleading face, asking you to drop the hatchet for just a moment. Just for a bit so you really understood that he meant every single word.

“I’m thankful for that. I know you didn’t really have a choice, but I want you to know that it meant a lot to me.” Jin’s words caught you off guard, his genuine appreciation making you stutter over your next words. Wanting nothing else than for the conversation to be over.

“Wha… Whatever… Let’s just get th-this over with…” You almost mumble, looking down at the bright wooden floor on the boat. Kicking your legs as you sit restlessly for the rest of the ride. Avoiding a conversation with Jin at all cost. The sun was still out. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad out on the waves today after all?

Jin was smiling the rest of the boat ride, happy to have finally caught you off guard and made you flustered. Maybe things could finally change between the two of you. Maybe, just maybe… you being forced to spend time with him had a positive effect this summer. The last two summers had only drifted you further apart.

This year it seemed like the waves were crashing in, the ocean’s current too strong for you to fight against it. Drawing you closer to Jin, making you see him from a new perspective. And the view was surprisingly nice. When you allowed yourself to look, instead of turning a blind eye to it. Appreciating what had been in front of you this entire time. What had always been there and what you had never noticed. Yeah, maybe the view wasn’t so bad after all?

“Here it is, in you go kids. Don’t stay out too long or we’ll leave your asses here.” The captain of the boat said as he turned off the engine. You wanted to scold him for saying such a thing but Jin beat you to it.

“You’ll stay put here for as long as we want you to. Wouldn’t want the boss finding out his best instructors somehow went missing because of a moron?” You smiled. Best instructors, so Jin did admit you were good at your job? It was a nice feeling, being recognized for your hard work.

The captain muttered a ‘whatever’ waving Jin off. Jin turned to you as he shook his head, scoffing. All that was left for Jin to put on was his goggles. His eyes soften the moment they meet yours.

“You ready?” He asked and you nodded. “Let’s go then.”

You take a sitting position on the edge of the boat, falling backwards into the ocean. Your oxygen tank feelt lighter the second it was submerged into the water. Taking your breather in between your lips, you took a deep breath. Testing so it all works before you dive deeper into the ocean. Your legs made slow kicking motions to keep you close to the surface.

Looking at Jin, you saw his thumbs up and you gave him one back. At the reassuring signal that everything was alright, you and Jin began swimming further down, quickly reaching the ocean floor where the coral reef flourished. You followed Jin’s lead as he knew the area better than you. Enjoying your quiet time in the ocean. Allowing yourself to spend time with Jin without arguing. Yeah… you could actually get used to this.

You and Jin went around and checked on the coral reef for about an hour. Luckily, where the boat had hit the reef it was mostly just big rocks that nothing really lived on. The reef was lucky this time. A while ago, you noticed the light getting darker but didn’t think much of it, too focused on your task at that very moment. It was not until you and Jin began to swim towards the surface that you realized why it had gotten darker.

When you reached the surface, the wind made the waves crash over you. You tried to keep your head above water level, searching for the boat, trying to find your ticket back to safety. As you looked around, you couldn’t see the boat anywhere. You started to panic. Had they really left you and Jin in the middle of the fucking ocean? In the middle of a storm?

Jin was mad, beyond furious but he put all his feelings aside the moment he saw you. Struggling to keep your head afloat, waves crashing over you as the rain poured down. He had to think of something. He had to think of a plan real fast. Otherwise, the two of you could actually die, the realization made Jin sick to his stomach. His body filled with fear as he thought about the options he had.

While you were still panicking, looking around frantically, occasionally screaming your lungs out for help, Jin got an idea. The new living area on the island was close to the coral reef.

Looking around, Jin was able to find the island pretty quickly. A barrier of rocks surrounded it. Of course the fishers had damaged the reef on the opposite side of the beach and pier of the island. It would take too long to swim around the island. The currents were too strong, and you could in worst case die out of exhaustion trying to make it. If only there was some other entrance…

The caves. The underwater caves leading to the lagoon, the island's future main attraction. If he could only navigate the two of you there. He knew the entrance was around here somewhere. He had, after all, been here last week to check on the cave system.

He swam over to you. One hand taking hold of your shoulder to gain your attention. Stopping you right before you were going to scream for help again. Jin’s touch felt comforting, but left you all too soon. Removing his hand once your eyes met, he knew he had your attention.

“Follow me!” He screamed. The wind made so much noise that you could just barely hear him. As Jin made a down motion with his hand, you understood what he meant. Giving him a nod. When Jin dived back into the calm waters below the waves, you followed. He brought out his flashlight to light the path in front of him, and you did the same. 

You swam close to the rock walls and you quickly realized Jin was searching for something. Matter of fact, he found it within a minute. Doing a ‘follow me’ motion with his hand, he started swimming into a hole in the wall. You followed him closely. The cave system was a little too narrow for your taste really, but you didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

Jin swam slowly, following the air bubbles. Air that desperately tried to find the closest way to the surface. In other words, leading to the lagoon. As you took a deep breath, you suddenly heard a beep. Indicating you only had five breaths left before your tank would run out of oxygen. Shit.

You tapped Jin on the foot and he stopped in his tracks. The space in the tunnel was big enough that he could almost stand as he turned around. You took a breath, pointing towards your oxygen mask and then showing him four fingers.

Shit, Jin thought as well. He forgot you weren’t as an experienced diver as him. He nodded. He could give you his air if needed. Pointing towards his tank and then towards you, you got his message. Relieved, you swam after Jin as he began swimming again.

Jin stopped after a little while, taking his mouthpiece towards your mouth and you breathed in. You still had four in yours and was grateful for Jin giving you some of his. He probably had a lot left you thought, he was more experienced after all.

The smile that Jin had as he saw your relieved face when you took a breath of his oxygen died quickly. As he took a breath, he heard the beep. You had four breaths left and Jin was now left with five. The situation got more deadly in a matter of seconds. Jin ignored it. He had to make it, he had to get you two to safety, no matter the cost.

With each breath both you and Jin grew more paranoid. As you took your final breath that was left from the tank, you suddenly saw light. The surface was close and Jin knew this as well. One final breath was left in his tank as he swam out of the cave. Looking behind him once he reached the lagoon, he saw you struggle.

You needed more air, muscles straining and working against you as you looked up towards the surface, desperate to reach it. Your vision started to darken, you felt a mouthpiece being pressed against your lips. You took a deep breath, finally having enough oxygen in your body to swim above the surface. You looked at Jin for a second before you swam as fast as you could.

Reaching the surface, you breathed heavily. Trying to catch your breath, you almost started to cry out of happiness. You made it. You were in some random cave, but you made it. Looking behind you, ready to throw yourself at Jin, you noticed he wasn’t anywhere to be found.

On his way up, Jin inhaled water just before he reached the surface. The lack of oxygen shutting his brain down as his lungs begged him for something. Upon your realization, you quickly dived down, finding Jin’s limp body sinking towards the cave floor. No. You would not allow this. Throwing your thousand dollar equipment off your body as fast as possible.

You reach Jin in a matter of seconds, throwing his tank off him as well. The weight of the metal made the oxygen tank sink as you grabbed hold of him and swam towards the surface as quickly as possible. Your body found an immense amount of strength, propelling you towards the edge of the lagoon. You had done this a few times with your students, swam with them to safety on the beach. It had always ended up well. So why were you worried to death all of the sudden?

Dragging Jin’s body up on the hard rock floor, you checked his breathing. Your mind was completely focused on the task. You had to save him. When you couldn’t feel him breathing, you checked for his pulse. Your middle and pointing finger applying pressure on the artery vein on his neck. He had a pulse. You just needed to get him breathing again.

You pinched his nose, restricting his airflow, and tilted his head upwards. After taking a deep breath, you placed your lips over his, filling Jin’s lungs with air. When nothing happened, you placed your lips over his again. Filling his lungs with air one more time.

Jin finally began coughing and you quickly let go of him. Your worried hands brushed the hair out of his face, watching for the life that was returning to his eyes.. Jin was trying to breathe while also coughing up all the water that he had taken into his lungs. Water was coming up with each cough, but eventually his lungs cleared.

When he started breathing normally, you threw your arms around him. Having no strength left in his body to support the two, Jin fell backwards with you clinging to his chest. He winced as his body hit the cold, rock hard cave floor. He wanted to complain, his head hurting from the fall, but he stopped himself. Your arms squeezing even tighter around him as you start to sob into his chest.

“I thought you were gone…” You choked out and Jin felt a sting of pain in his heart. Hearing you so heartbroken and scared… He placed his arms around you. With one around your body, he brought you closer to him. While the other hand softly petted your head, reassuring you.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’re alright.” Jin whispered and you allowed yourself to relax. Exhaustion quickly overcomes your body. Jin felt you relax, your body going limp as you started falling asleep.

He let you sleep. Allowing himself the moment. To finally have you in his arms. To finally have you look at him with concern and not hate. For you to care about him. Yeah, all Jin could wish for really was to live that moment for a little longer. His body tired, mind empty, he fell asleep as well shortly after you.

You both laid there sleeping for almost two hours before you woke up. Confused, you looked around the cave. Not quite remembering where you were at first. Not until you became aware that you were sleeping on Jin. His chest rising as he takes a deep breath. His mouth was slightly open, eyes effortlessly, beautifully closed.

He looked so peaceful like this, so beautiful. As if he had been sculpted by the God Poseidon himself. His beauty was remarkable. His dirty blond hair was still slightly wet. Skin a little paler than usual, probably from the lack of oxygen. Lips red and puffy.

His lips. You look at them for a while. They looked way too inviting. Your hand moved up to your lips. Two fingers tracing your lips as you were reminded, they had touched Jin’s. Sure, it was because you were trying to save him, and you couldn’t really remember much of it. But you wanted to. Wanted to know how his lips felt. How they tasted.

As Jin let out a slight snore, you were brought back to reality. Almost throwing yourself backwards and away from his body. What were you thinking? This is your arch nemesis. The reason for your dry summer spell. Well, you did break it this year, but Matt barely counted. Not when he couldn’t even fully satisfy you.

Okay focus, you told yourself, you needed to figure out what to do next. So, you went through the facts. You were stuck in a cave with Jin. A cave that was… where exactly? Had Jin just told you to follow him into a random cave? Shivers going down your spine as you felt a slight breeze. Your body instantly started to shake.

Great, you were in a random cave, with Jin, and you were freezing. Your day couldn’t get much better. Looking over at Jin, you realized you had to wake him up. You needed to know where the hell you were.

You approached him, slightly shaking his body. Your hand gripping his arm. He just grunted and you sighed. No way were you just going to let him sleep peacefully while you were freezing. It was his fault anyway that the two of you went out into the ocean in the first place. He should have stood up to your boss, you thought.

You shook his arm more violently, Jin finally opened his eyes. A confused look on his face as he sat up. Looking around the cave slightly before his gaze looked onto yours.

“Where are we?” He asked, still half asleep and very much confused about the situation. You slowly shook your head, scoffing. You slap his arm lightly, trying to get him to focus. Jin whines, confused as to why you’d hit him.

“Oh, but shouldn’t you know that? It was your brilliant plan to take us here, after all.” At your words, Jin is reminded of what had happened. Reminded where you guys were. Reminded that everything was back to the way it was before. 

“Yah… I brought you here, to safety, so you wouldn’t drown… I almost drowned in the process, and this is how you thank me?” He questioned and you were suddenly filled with guilt. Jin was right but you didn’t have a chance to apologize before he spoke again. “We are in the new resort islands lagoon, meaning we can get out of here and spend the night at the new houses built on the Island.”

No words could describe the feeling in your stomach. You were sickened by your behaviour. How selfish of you to think that Jin would do anything but bring the two of you to safety. You wanted to say something, anything that could make the situation better. To let Jin know you were sorry.

“I should have just left you in the ocean.” Jin muttered as he pushed himself up from the cave floor. It wasn’t meant for you to hear. He’d just said it out of anger, but you couldn’t help the sadness that washed over your body. So, as he started walking, clearly familiar with the place, you followed him. Like a stray puppy, looking for someone to bring them in. Anyone to give them shelter.

You didn’t say a single word as Jin led you up towards the surface, the storm still raging on. You could hear it in the caves, more and more so the closer you came to the surface. Nothing could have prepared you for the real deal however.

The rain was lashing down on the island. The water pressure in your shower was like a slow drip compared to this. The force it struck down was enough to make it hurt when it hit your skin. The wind took hold of the trees, making it look like they could snap in half at any second. You needed to find shelter, fast. 

Jin looked to his left, instantly finding what he was looking for. One of the guest houses stood only 10 meters from  the cave. He turned toward you, sighing, and roughly grabbed your hand. He didn’t say anything, still clearly upset with you. He had every reason to be, but still, he didn’t want to risk losing you out in the storm.

He started sprinting, his free hand held over his face, shielding him from the lashing rain and wind. You did the same, covering your face as you followed him closely. 

When you reached the house. Jin lifted the mat in front of the front door to reveal a key laying under it. He unlocked the door, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. He opened the door and waited for you to get in before he closed it. The sound of the storm could still be heard inside the house and you were both thankful to have a roof over your head. Especially with night time approaching. 

While trying to catch your breath, you began looking around at your temporary shelter. The decoration of the house had a modern style mixed with tropical vibes. The white fabric of the couch matched the curtains and the frames on the paintings that covered the walls. The furniture in the living room and adjoining dining space were made of bamboo. The walls of the open concept room had oak paneling, giving the place a rustic island vibe.. Green plants were placed around the house to give it a pop of colour. Your mouth was slightly agape, it was much more beautifully decorated than the guest rooms on the main island. 

While you were busy looking at the house, Jin was busy exploring it. Checking the kitchen for food and water first. Not much there besides a welcoming basket and some food the construction worker must have left behind. The toilet was plain and simple, toilet,sink, and shower. The bedroom only had one double bed. Why couldn’t any of the big family houses have been any closer? Jin let out an annoyed sigh.

He now had to fight you over the bed. There was no way your stubborn ass was just going to hand it over to him. You started walking around the house quietly, looking into the bedroom and Jin braced himself. Ready for an argument that he had to win. No way was he going to sleep on the small couch with his wide shoulders and suffer all night.

“You can take the bed. I’ll take the couch.” You suddenly announced, walking past Jin to get to  the bathroom. You were freezing and you needed to change into something warmer. Dragging your cold soaking wet wetsuit down your body, you placed it on the shower floor. Your bikini following suit. Taking the white kimono that was hanging beside the shower to wrap around your body. The white silk felt expensive and breezy around your body. Probably made for the beach under the hot glazing sun.

While you had been changing, Jin had taken off his wetsuit as well. Going around in his swim trunks as he tried to make sense of you. Almost shaking his head at himself for not having his priorities straight. He needed to eat and drink. His basic human needs that were somehow overthrown by you. He couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t make any sense of you.

One minute, you are screaming at him, telling him that you don’t even want to breathe the same air as him. Next, you are dancing with him, well, you could have been drunk out of your mind that time actually. Arguing again but for some reason agree the next morning to help him? To throw yourself in his arms and later on, shout at him again.

And now, you had just given him the bed. Without a fight, without anything. Jin couldn’t understand anything. He couldn’t understand you at all. So, he decided to do something he did understand and knew how to handle. Cook some dinner for the two of you, well, with whatever he could find in the kitchen. 

It would be an early dinner, but he didn’t think you would complain. You did go out on the waters with him without eating any breakfast, wanting to get out on the water as soon as possible in fear of the storm. And later on, sleeping through lunch in the caves. 

As you walked out of the bathroom, you were blessed with the sight of Jin shirtless in his swimming trunks. Hanging low, so low you could see the beginning of his v-line. You wanted to get closer. Wanted to know what he would feel like against your skin. To have his body move against yours.

He was cooking something on the stove. The faint smell of vegetables reached your nose as you took a deep breath. Your mouth salivated at the thought of finally eating something. Jin hummed as he stirred the two pots. You wanted to know what he was cooking and so, you walked up to him.

He didn’t notice you until you stood next to him. As he looked down on your body, he could see the outline of your boobs through the thin fabric. His cock instantly twitched at the delicious sight that was now in front of him.

Jin was quickly drawn from his thoughts when one of the pot’s contents started to boil, the hot drop of water landing on his arm. He jumped back, his reflexes doing all the work for him. His other hand pressed against the area where he’d burned himself.

“Are you okay?” You hadn’t quite understood what had happened, but your instinct told you to take hold of Jin’s arm. With your small hands compared to Jin’s, you moved his hands away. Examining the area where the water drop had hit. A little red but otherwise than that, it was fine.

At your sudden caring nature, Jin was caught off guard. He was supposed to be mad at you, but how could he be when you held his arm so tenderly? With your fingertips that grazed over his skin so lightly, checking for any bruising.

Pulling his arm back from you he muttered ‘I’m fine’ before he went back to cooking.The house, just like every house on the island, where stored with canned food. In case of an emergency or storm. Canned beans, rice and some sauce was enough for Jin to make a stew for the both of you. 

Jin took the pots of the stove. You blinked a few times, confused at Jin’s sudden outburst before you heard him say- “Dinner’s ready.” 

The two of you eat in silence. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as you thought it would be. Jin’s cooking skills were really good, given the few ingredients he had, he managed to make something really tasty. For that, you were grateful.  

When you finished eating your dinner, you waited for Jin to finish his. Sitting at the dinner table, you looked out of the big window. Rain poured down, wind catching the trees of the island. Making them sway. Oh, how you were thankful at this very moment to be inside with a roof over your head.

Jin watched you, when your focus was somewhere else, he could admire your beauty. If only that beauty could match your personality. He knew you weren’t as cold as you tried to be towards him. You were one of the most liked workers on the resort, your bright caring personality being behind it. So, why were you so hell bent on hating Jin?

“Why do you hate me?” Jin spoke, breaking the silence. You looked at him confused, not catching what he said at first.

“Why do you hate me?” He repeated. You gulped as you looked down on the floor.

“Why is that important now?” You asked, and he scoffed.

“Don’t I deserve to know after I saved your life? Come one y/n, you always dodge this question whenever I ask you. Just be honest for once.” Jin had a point. You did always avoid the question. Most often, you got mad because he didn’t already know. Well, maybe it was time for you to just tell him.

“The first summer I worked here…” you began, looking away as you could not look him in the eyes. “You stole my date.”

“Your date?” Jin questioned, trying to think about what you could have meant by that. You quickly grew annoyed.

“Yes, my date, the boy I was with all night at the beach party. The boy you stole from me and took back to your room doing God knows what.” At your words, Jin started laughing hysterically.

“What?!” You questioned. The boy shook his head, fighting tears coming out of his eyes from laughing to hard.

"You are not gonna believe me when I tell you. This is so funny.” He said and you waited for him to continue. Wanting to know what he meant by that.

“You flirted with my friend Sam, who happened to have a girlfriend at the time.” He explained and an ‘ohh’ left your lips.

“So yeah… I took him back to my room so he could sleep it off. I knew he had been fighting with his girlfriend that night and didn’t want you to get caught up in anything.” Well, that did explain a lot, you thought. Still, it didn’t explain why Jin started to steal your hook ups after that.

“Okay, I get that…” you started, “but why did you continue to steal my hook ups over the years?”

“Would you believe me if I said I was jealous?” Jin’s sudden honesty surprised you. It would make sense yes, but why would he be jealous? Unless…

“I’m just gonna head to the bathroom, be back soon.” Jin announced as he left the dinner table, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Focus y/n, there is no way Jin liked you, you thought. Standing up from the table as well, you took both yours and Jin’s empty bowls to the kitchen. As you placed them in the sink you quickly realized you needed to do something to distract yourself. Anything to take your mind off the fact that Jin might like you.

You tried to brush your fingers through your hair, fingers instantly getting stuck in it. You sighed. You hadn’t had enough time to brush your hair before getting out in the ocean. Your hair now a mess. In true little mermaid spirit, you opened the first drawer. Taking a fork, you sat down on the couch, trying your best to detangle your hair.  

The sight of you brushing your hair with a fork made Jin chuckle as he opened the bathroom door. His mood instantly lifted. Watching you from afar as you struggled, the fork getting stuck with each stroke.

“You are really taking the Ariel thing to the next level.” He chuckled as he approached you. As you looked towards him, the fork got stuck in your hair. Wincing, you tried pulling it away to no avail.

“Let me help you.” Jin said as he saw how you struggled. He sat down next to you, placing his hand over yours. You removed your hand, allowing him to hold the fork. He sat there for a little while. Removing the hair strands that had gotten stuck around it. 

“What’d you try to do? Brush your hair?” He asked and you muttered a ‘yes’. You felt stupid now. To have Jin baby you like this. When you felt the fork being removed, you tried to stand up. Only to have Jin place his hand on your shoulder, pushing you back down.

“Sit still.” He’d order you, and you’d listen. Feeling your ears turning red as carefully separated your hair into smaller sections with his hands. Working his way through it with his fingers, separating what had gotten tangled up earlier today. Skilful hands that worked quickly, but carefully.  

Eventually, you started to lean into his touch. Jin’s hands moved over to massage your scalp once they were done untangling your hair. You let out a quiet moan as you took a deep breath. The sound made Jin want to bend your over this couch right here, right now.

He stopped massaging your hair, ready to move away from you before he wouldn’t be able to resist those urges. Before he could move, you’d already turned your head. As you looked him in the eyes, head tilted upwards, you wanted nothing more than to have him closer. Jin felt the same as unknown forces pushed you together. No longer able to deny the obvious.

You looked down, staring at his lip. Oh, how you wished you could just taste them. You bit your lip, silencing the whine coming from your mouth at the thought of it. As Jin looked where your focus was, he couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

Grabbing your face with one hand, he roughly placed his lips over yours. You were surprised for a second but quickly melted into the fierce kiss, kissing him back with even more desire. Taking hold of your hair with his other hand, Jin pulled your head to the side. Your lips disconnected as he started working his way down your neck, kissing every part of it.

“This okay?” He’d ask as he placed a sweet kiss just below your ear. You hummed and that was all Jin needed to continue working on his art. He wanted to mark you. To let everyone know you were his. You let out a moan when his lips brushed over your sweet spot. Jin smirked against your neck before he sucked roughly on your sweet spot. Earning yet another moan from you.

“You like it princess? Like it when I mark you up so everyone knows who you belong to?”

“Yes Jin.” You moaned, allowing lust to completely take over your body. As Jin continued to mark you up, leaving hickey’s wherever he pleased, his hands started to trail your body.

“Let me know if you want me to stop.” You trusted him, knowing you could stop at any time. But hearing those words made you feel butterflies in your stomach.  You felt reassured, happy and safe.

Jin’s hands moved to slip under your kimono, your nipples already hard as he began playing with them. Circling, twisting and pulling, Jin took his time with them. You could feel your arousal when you shifted your legs, desperately trying to find any friction that could relieve your aching core.

Jin noticed how you squirmed, and he could barely believe it. He had you all to himself now, squirming under his hands. Your body moved on its own accord. Breathless moans and whines leaving your mouth that only made Jin harder. You could feel him now. As you pressed your backside backwards, you could feel his hard cock against your butt cheek.

He wanted to devour you and he couldn’t wait any longer. You started growing impatient, complaining as Jin started to move away from you.

“What’s taking you so long?” You whined only to hear him scoff. As you turned your head around, you were met with his burning gaze.

“I don’t remember Ariel being able to speak on her vacation to the surface. I think we need to change that.” Jin spoke and you were reminded of the movie, how the princess voice was taken away from her in exchange for her to be able to walk on land. You couldn’t believe he was still referencing it. “On your knees princess.”

You did as you were told. Jin parted his legs, allowing you to sit in between them. You got down on your knees, looking up at him with pleading eyes. You were, however, not short on your snarky comebacks.

“Now what?”  

“Now… we put that mouth to better use. Open up.” Opening your mouth, you waited while Jin took off his swimming trunks. The second his half hard cock springed out, your pussy clenched at the sight. It wasn’t the biggest you’d ever seen but it was definitely above average. Your mouth watering at the thought of having him inside any of your holes. 

His hand grabbing hold of your hair, this time not as roughly as he guided you to his cock. With your lips wrapped around it you teased the tip for a bit before Jin pulled you further down on it. The feeling so heavenly that you closed your eyes. Still holding your hair, Jin bobbed your head up and down his length. Your moans muffled by the cock in your mouth.

“It seems like we solved our little problem. Your voice seems to be gone princess.” You only moaned more at Jin’s dirty talk. Feeling your arousal drip down your thighs at this point as there was no underwear to stop it. The kimono being your only piece of clothing. Your pussy clenched at the thought of being so wet that you were leaking down on the floor. 

“Can’t talk with your mouth stuffed with cock, now can you?” As he mocked you, you swirl your tongue around his tip. A firm grip with your hand around the base, pumping what you couldn't fit in your mouth. Earning a moan from Jin, his head thrown backwards against the couch. His eyes closed as he breathlessly asked you. "Can you take it deeper princess?"

You responded by taking him further down. The tip of his dick resting at the beginning of your throat. Taking a deep breath, you tried taking him further, only for your gag reflex to kick in. 

Gagging on his dick, you pulled him out. Still holding your hand firmly around his dick. Pumping his length as you rested your mouth and throat for a while. Jin sat up, stroking your hair before tilting your head upwards. His hand resting on your chin as he did. 

When you met his eyes, you saw that they were filled with concern. His gaze soft as he looked into your tear filled eyes.

"Hey, hey… You don't have to…" He reassured, but you shook your head. His hand letting go of your face as you did. 

"I want to." You wanted so badly to take his dick down your throat. To watch him fall apart because of you. You weren't even in the mood to tease him. You just wanted to make him cum. 

It just that it had been a while since you… well… had given anyone a blowjob. Too busy studying at university and Jin cockblocking you all summer. He wasn’t exactly small either.

Determined, you tried again. You almost choked at first, suppressing the feeling as you heard Jin groan. This time, you took him down your throat a little further than the first time. Taking a deep breath through your nose, holding it in. The sounds that came out of his mouth were more than enough to encourage you. 

This time, you could almost take all of him down, bobbing your head up and down his length. His cock grazing your throat each time, your cheeks hollow. Wanting Jin to cum, wanting him so desperately to be at your mercy. To be the only one who could pleasure him like this. 

“Oh fuck, just like that…” Jin moaned and you felt his cock twitch as you repeated the action. Sucking in your cheeks as much as you could. Hearing his breathing getting more and more ragged the closer to the edge he got. His hands gripping your hair desperately to hold onto anything as he got right to the edge. 

“So close… gonna cum…” He warned and you backed away a little, focusing on swirling your tongue around his tip as you let your hands take care of the rest of his girth. Jin cumming inside your mouth as you squeeze his dick a little harder, milking his cum into your mouth. Letting him ride out his orgasm as you sloppy kept one of your hands on his dick, moving slowly up and down. Jaw tired from all the work you had to do. 

As Jin slumped down onto the couch, you let go of him completely. Swallowing his cum as you slumped down on the floor as well. Exhausted, you allowed yourself to close your eyes and rest for a bit. 

Well, that’s until you felt Jin take hold of you, his hands firmly placed on the side of your boobs as he lifted you up on the couch. Laying you down on the couch as he climbed on top of you. 

“Don’t you dare think for one second I’m done with you.” He growled as he wrapped his lips around your niple, sucking on it while he played with the other one with his hand. Taken completely by surprise, you moaned at the sensation. Jin switched between sucking and circling your nipples with his tongue. Occasionally, grazing them with his teeth. Always giving attention to the other nipple that he didn't have his mouth on with his hand. 

Your pussy aching to be touched by now, your legs rubbing together to try and create any friction for your neglected clit. Jin noticed it right away, a smirk on his lips as you started to whine. 

“Please Jin…” You pleaded, asking for anything at this point. Taking hold of one of your legs, he hoisted it up on the couch backrest. His other hand taking hold of the other leg, pushing it towards you, spreading you wide open for him. Your pussy clenching and leaking as he kissed your thighs with feather like kisses. 

"Don't worry princess, I'll take care of you." His voice deeper as he cooed you. His eyes looked up only to see your glistering pussy, groaning at the sight. The sweet smell of it made him want to taste you even more and stop teasing you. 

Giving in, he dived in, parting your legs even further. Spreading you out for even more as he put two of his fingers between your folds, separating them. His tongue vibrated against your clit as he moaned when he finally wrapped his lips around it.

You cried out. Throwing your head back as one of your hands desperately took hold of his hair. Any other day Jin would scold you for ruining his hair but today he couldn’t care less. Not when it felt so good everytime you tugged at it every time he would suck a little harsher, lick a little faster on your clit. The sounds you made, God, you sounded like an angel that was brought down from heaven for him and him only. The sound was like music to his ears. 

You truly felt as if you were in heaven. Your orgasm approaching quickly thanks to Jin’s skillful mouth and your general absence from sex. It had been way too long someone had treated you this good. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, you felt Jin tease a finger at your entrance. Tracing it with circle motions, but never entering you. 

“Please Jin… just give it to me…” You pleaded and Jin stopped working on your clit. A whine leaving your lips. Bucking your hips into his face in a desperate attempt to get him back where you wanted him. A smirk on his lips as he watched your naked body, the sight of your breasts moving up and down as you breathed heavily. His finger still teased your entrance as you tried to get it, moving your hips. 

“Why? So you can rip my hair out even more?” At Jin’s words, you looked down on him. His hair being a mess with your hand gripping it tightly. His dirty blond strands were all over the place. When did you even grip his hair? You thought as you let go of it. 

“Sorry…” You mumbled, brushing through it with your hand in an attempt to make it better. Jin only smiled sweetly at you. His lips even more plump, glistering with your wetness. Eyes full of mischief and care. 

“It’s okay… You close princess?” The endearing nickname making butterflies fly around in your stomach. You nodded, not trusting your words as Jin was still teasing your entrance. 

“Hmm… What else could I do for my princess to make her feel good?” Jin asked playfully and just as you were about to answer him, he slipped his finger inside you. The unsuspected action making you moan. Moving his finger in and out of you slowly. 

“Oh maybe that?” Jin playfully said, one of his eyebrows raised as he observed you. A smile on his lips as you kissed your thigh harshly, a whine leaving your lips as he did. Looking up again once he was done with leaving another mark. His finger still moving in and out at a slow pace. 

“It’s better where it’s wetter, isn’t it princess?” Jin joked. Of course he would make a fucking ‘the little mermaid’ refrence as he was fingering you, you thought. Wishing he could just stop teasing you and make you cum. 

“Bet I could just slip in two… or even three fingers right now… You’d like that princess, wouldn’t you? To feel full?” Jin spoke as he let another finger enter you. You arched your back at the sensation as Jin continued. “Fuck you’re wet, you’re taking my fingers so well princess. Could you handle another?”

You chanted out ‘yes, yes, yes’ as you wanted was more of Jin. More of him. He added a third finger and you clenched around them, loving how full you felt. Moaning when Jin curled his fingers inside you, finding your g-spot. 

“Does it feel good like this?” He asked and you responded by moaning, a satisfied smile on his lips. Happy with your response. “Just you wait until I finally get to fuck you and you’ll feel my dick inside you. Oh what I would do to be inside you right now.” 

The thought of Jin being inside you was too much, you almost came at the thought of it. How he would probably put you in whatever position he pleased, anywhere and everywhere he wanted. Fucking you so deep and hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for days. 

“Please… Just make me cum… I can’t…” You pleaded, asking Jin to have mercy on you as your legs started to tremble. Feeling as your eyes started to water. The overstimulation was almost too much for you. 

“Shh princess, I got you. You can let go whenever.” He cooed before going down on you again. Speeding up his fingers just a little as he wrapped his lips around your clit. Taking you over the edge the moment he started sucking on it. Slowing down his fingers and kitty licking your clit as you rode down your high quite literally. Bucking your hips as you tried to get away from Jin, your oversensitivity quickly kicking in once you came down. 

Jin pulled out his fingers as he continued eating you. Long strokes with his tongue as he collected all your wetness, savouring the taste of you. Cleaning you up until you started pushing him away due to the slight pain coming with your oversensitivity. 

“Alright, alright.” Jin laughed, getting up from the couch. Standing in front of you, he held out his hand for you to take. 

"Want to join me in the shower?" With the wonderful bliss that you felt after your orgasm still lingering in your body, you nodded. You had just seen him naked and he had seen you. There was no harm in it, right? 

Taking his hand, you followed him into the bathroom. Jin had already turned on the water in the shower as you entered the bathroom. Both of you stepped into the shower once the water was hot enough. The water soothing against your burning skin. Still hot from all your previous activities. You closed your eyes for a moment. 

While you were standing there, content, Jin observed you. Watching as the water dropped down your body. Making your skin look like it glowed. A sigh of relief leaving your lips as you brushed your hand through your detangled hair. Jin thought he was the luckiest man on earth.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, and you opened your eyes. His gaze was soft and you felt safe under it. As if he was some angel sent to watch over you, to make sure you were safe. Despite the near death experience and the storm raging on outside, you did feel safe. Because of him. His presence, caring nature and genuine concern for you. 

Who were you to deserve a man like that? Your thoughts started to spiral, the smile you had on your face faded. A sigh of disappointment leaving your lips, and Jin noticed it. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I just need some space, some time… I’ll just go to sleep and we’ll talk about it tomorrow?” You quietly said, biting your lip. Holding in the tears that so desperately wanted to roll down your cheeks. Jin didn’t deserve your crap, and you certainly didn’t deserve him. 

“Yeah… of course.” His voice, equally quiet as yours. Jin didn’t know where all of this came from, but he wasn’t going to push you. Much had happened in the last 12 hours after all. Maybe you didn’t have any feelings for him. Maybe he was just imagining it all. A bitter truth that Jin was beginning to accept as you nodded at his response before you left the shower. Leaving him alone with his thoughts.

As you laid on the couch, covered in a blanket that barely gave you any heat, you waited for Jin to go to bed. He spent more time in the shower than you thought he would. Holding in your tears, hiding underneath the blanket as you waited for Jin to go to sleep. 

When you heard the bedroom door close, you let all of your feelings out. Sobbing into the blanket, your body shaking from all the sadness it had been filled with. You wanted to let it all out. Pouring your heart out as the storm drowned out your cries. 

You didn’t deserve him. The moment he had called you beautiful, you couldn’t help but to think it was all unreal. It was just a dream. A moment the two of you had shared. Nothing more, nothing less. Tomorrow, when the building crew that is working on the island comes to work, you’ll be saved. Everything will go back to the way it was. Right? 

But how were you supposed to hate him when you… No. There was no way you had fallen for Jin. Kim Seokjin who made it his life mission to make your life as difficult as possible. Who always stole your hook-ups for selfish reasons. Yeah, there was no way you were falling for him. 

But if you weren’t, then why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much to see him disappointed in you? See him sad, see him hurt, see him almost dying. Why did your body ache at the thought of not being good enough for him? Why did you feel as if you wanted to throw up when you thought about all the hurtful things you’d told him for years. Jin was right about one thing, he should have left you in the ocean. 

You said you wanted space which was the only reason Jin didn’t leave the bedroom to console you. Hearing your cries made his heart ache, but he began to understand why you’d said you needed space. It was all probably very overwhelming for you. While he might have had a crush on your for years now, this was most likely all new to you. Or so he’d like to think. Why else were you crying on the couch right now instead of joining him on the bed? 

Two sleepless hours of crying later and you admitted defeat. You wouldn’t be able to ever fall asleep, at least not like this. You needed to make things right with Jin. How else were you supposed to be able to wake up tomorrow? To face him? 

You threw off the blanket and got up from the couch. With goosebumps on your skin, just the thin kimono covering your body, you made your way over to the bedroom. You dragged your feet across the floor, head hanging low knocking lightly before opening the door. Jin was laying on his side underneath the covers. His hair splayed out on the pillow, looking like an angel from what you saw in the dark. The occasional flashes from the lightning giving you a glimpse of his features. Almost asleep as you quietly made your way over to the bed. 

He opened his eyes to see you awkwardly standing beside the bed. Looking for the right words to say as you twiddled with your thumbs. Looking down as you took a deep breath, not daring to look Jin in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry…” You begin with, unsure what you were apologizing for really but you knew you had a lot of apologizing to do. “... for the things I’ve said… and done… I just-”

“Shh it’s alright.” Jin interrupts you, taking hold of the covers, pulling them aside. “Just come here, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” 

He invited you to his bed, despite everything, without hesitation. You really didn’t deserve him, you thought as you climbed into the bed. Laying down next to him, he pulled the covers over the both of you. His arm sneaking around your body to pull you closer to him. You almost let out a yelp out of surprise but quickly relaxed in his embrace. His body flushed against yours. 

“I’m so sorry Jin, for-” 

“I know, I know y/n… You’re forgiven, I promise... Just try and get some sleep okay?” Jin promises and you respond with a quiet ‘okay’. Jin rarely said your name and so, you felt that his promise to you was genuine. Finally, you were able to breath without it feeling as if someone was sitting on your chest. Closing your eyes, you moved your head around a little before finding a comfortable position to sleep in. 

“Good night y/n.” 

“Good night Jin.” 

The following morning, you woke up in Jin’s arms. Hearing him snoring slightly behind you. You chuckled, your chest vibrating, waking Jin up. Groaning, he pulled you even closer to him, almost squeezing you. 

“Don’t even think about leaving the bed for another hour.” He warned, voice hoarse and you snorted. 

“As if, you’re so warm and the rest of the house is so cold.” As the words leave your mouth, Jin let’s go of your body a little. His voice being more steady now as he starts to tease you. 

“Yah… are you using me for my warmth? I’m deeply hurt.” You chuckled and Jin couldn’t help but to smile as he felt your whole body being filled with joy. 

“Maybe…” You teased back. You hadn't felt so happy in several months as you did right in this moment. With Jin beside you, the sun suddenly wasn’t as bright. Jin’s warmth was brighter than anything you had ever felt before. 

“That’s it.” You heard Jin say before he attacked you. Strong arms gripping around your body to give him all the leverage he needed to tickle you. His hands skillfully drawing out high pitched screams from you as he tickled your stomach. Your legs and arms fly everywhere as you try to get away from him. 

“JIN... NO... PLEASE…” You managed to say in between laughs. Being the gentleman he is, he stopped at last. Growing tired of holding you still enough for him to be able to tickle you. 

You weren't convinced that he was done however, thinking you finally somehow escaped his embrace. One idea came to mind. You climbed on top of him. Taking hold of his wrists to either side of his face. His goofy smile shined back at you. 

“Pinning me down first thing in the morning. If you wanted me that bad you should have just told me princess.” He teased, knowing you would be embarrassed. With your ears now red you looked away from him. Letting go of his wrists as you bit your lip. Suddenly thinking of last night's thoughts. 

“Aww… and I thought we were just about to get kinky...” Jin whined and you ignored him, too caught up in your own thoughts. Suddenly painfully aware your core was right above his dick. You needed to have a discussion about this, about what the two of you are before you could do anything else. You needed to focus. 

You turned your head towards him, meeting Jin’s eyes. “Can you have a serious conversation with me, even though I’m sitting on top of you?” 

“Is that even a question?” He snorted and you slapped him lightly on the arm. Offended, Jin rubbed the area where you’d just slapped him with his other hand. Letting out a sigh as he sees you crossing your arms. Ignoring how delightful your boobs looked underneath the thin kimono as you did so. Reminded of last night's events suddenly.

“Yes I can.” He said, knowing you probably had things you wanted to say. Considering he didn’t let you last night. 

You think for a few seconds before you begin. “Jin… You’re so much more than I ever thought. So much better than whatever villain version I was painting up in my head and I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I probably don’t deserve you or this, whatever this is and I’m honestly scared…” You confessed. As you had started speaking, Jin had soothening rubbed circles on your things. Looking into his eyes as you continued. 

“I think I want something… But that’s only of course if you want something... Maybe this was just a one time thing for you…” You started to ramble and Jin takes you by surprise as he sets up.His face being only inches away from yours. Staring deeply into your eyes, he caressed your face.

“Of course I want something with you.” He soothed and you let out a breath of relief. 

“Okay that’s good… Well… I guess what I wanted to say was… Can we take it slow? Figure it all out before we move further?” 

“What’s further than my dick down your throat and my tongue inside your pussy? Me inside you? Assplay?” Jin joked and you shook your head out of disbelief. Though you couldn’t help that the thought of it awoke a certain type of need in you. 

“I seriously can’t with-” Before you could finish your sentence, Jin had already pressed his lips against yours. Softly and playfully kissing you as you giggled into the kiss. Annoyed that you weren’t able to focus on him, only laughing in his face (literally) he moved onto your neck. Pressing feather light kisses to it. Only a man could stop himself for so long when he had a beautiful girl confessing she wanted something with him, half naked on his lap. He wanted you, and he wanted you now.  

You were both interrupted by loud noises coming from the outside. As you tried to listen, you suddenly heard your name being shouted followed by Jin’s. The rescue team was here. You almost threw yourself off the bed in surprise. Jin groaning as you left his lap, his head thrown back. 

“Really? We are about to be saved from being stranded, and you’re complaining?” You questioned and Jin scrunched his face shaking his head lightly. 

“Yah, why do you have to say it like that? I wouldn’t exactly mind if they came an hour later or so. That’s all.” Jin said as he got up from the bed. Stretching his back as he yawned with his arms up in the air. You laughed, shaking your head before you replied to him. 

“Come on now… let’s go home.” 

The rest of the day was spent in meetings with your boss and other people higher up at the resort. They apologized profusely for what you and Jin had to go through. Offering you a week off to just enjoy your time at the resort. Jin had denied the offer quickly, saying you will work as usual and that they will be contacted by his lawyer regarding the incident. 

You’d left the meeting earlier than Jin, he reassured that he would take care of it. It was enough for your exhausted body to give in and go back to your apartment. You wanted nothing more than to rest for a little while, to let your sore muscles heal.

As you changed into something a little more comfortable, you couldn’t help but to think back to the last 24 hours. You and Jin had almost drowned. You were stranded on an island. Well, inside a fancy hotel resort condo but nonetheless still stranded. You’d spend so much time with Jin. Seeing a different side of him as you finally allowed yourself to open up to him. 

With your mind filled with blissful thoughts of Jin, you fell asleep. Not even bothering to pull down the blinds as the sun shined through your window. Exhausted, you allowed yourself to relax and sleep. To heal from all the bad that came with all the good. 

You were woken up from your nap by a knock on the door. Looking at the clock, you realized several hours had gone by and it was suddenly evening. Your room was dark, the sun had gone down already. You were confused as to who could want something from you at this hour, so you dragged yourself out of bed to look. Opening the door, you were met with Jin. A bright smile on his lips as he held two containers of food in his hands. The beginning of something new. 

From that point on, Jin didn’t leave the containers outside your door. The two of you always ate dinner together. Making new routines, getting acquainted with the idea of being something other than enemies. Something sweeter. Something more joyful. The best part? You had two months left of the summer to spend together. Two more months of just you and Jin. Bound together by tides that just happened to be right on time.

[knifesxedge]

hi love im deep in ur art blog for reasons and im SO in love with the fact that ur ghoul has his OWN nickname tattooed on him in party's writing they are SO 🥺 was wondering if you wanted to talk a bit more abt ghouls tattoos??? theyre just SO gorgeous and intricately laid out

HI i LOVE u i am KISSING u i would love love love to talk about ghoul’s tattoos 🥺❤️

^ yeah ghoul & party have each other’s handwriting tattooed!! for party it’s one of the only tattoos they have & it’s right over their heart (im sure ive mentioned this fact before but idk if ive explicitly noted that it says ‘sunshine’) and ghoul didn’t have the space to put his right over his heart because poison’s kj symbol is there so his is on his upper arm (they ARE soooooooo 🥺 i love them)

ghoul’s tattoos are a healthy mix of sentimental ink and things he just thought were beautiful. when he met the rest of the four he didn’t have THAT many tattoos because 1. he was 14 2. he’d only been in the zones for a little under a year and a half at that point but the ones he DID have (aka his oldest tattoos) were his knuckle tattoos (‘freed’ and ‘fuck’ what can i say he was 13), the big raven on his upper shoulder and neck (he started believing in the witch very early compared to other cityborns but yeah that tattoo was both a way of symbolizing his devotion to the witch and a way of marking himself as a killjoy/shedding his past in the city in the way that he considered clearest), the fangs on his hand, two bats on his leg, the zombie bite on the other side of his neck (i could get a little more into this but BASICALLY ghoul being an ex-crow trainee + a cityborn + being the only surviving member of his first crew had a problem with feeling inhuman and a lot of survivor’s guilt and so he really. idk he connected a lot with zombies & frankenstein’s monster and ghosts & the like when he was a runner for dr. d post-his crew’s deaths. he got better about Seeing Himself as a Person especially once kobra + the other two showed up but the fascination remained) (also not tattoo-related but that’s when he chose his name. before that he’d been called ‘sandpup’ by his old crew & he never had a chance to tell them before they passed but he really loved that they used that as a name for him especially with how much he didn’t want to associate himself with the city) (ghoul had A Lot of issues but the difference there is that he worked thru them a lot earlier than the rest of the four) and “I FORGIVE U” on the back of his neck (in remembrance of said former crew).

umm along with that kind of fascination with the undead/feeling that kind of connection are the frankenstein stitches on his wrists (tho thats more of a common hc) and he has this pretty big tattoo of abstracted bones following his vertebrae down his throat and chest that he’s gotten expanded/fixed/touched up over the years. ik i do a lot of b&w doodles but i feel like i’ve been kind of inconsistent about coloring (most of his tattoos are color). pretty sure ive mostly drawn them in green (???) but in my head they’re like a faded light blue using natural skin tone as highlights.

his more sentimental tattoos…let me see if i can outline them here. this might not be exhaustive but i will do my best to list what ive figured out at least thus far:

the two little bats on his right thigh are for his grandmother and little sister. his sister (juliet adele fujikawa, b. april 2009 d. december 2014) was killed in a car crash shortly before he left the city, and likewise, his grandmother (charlotte fujikawa [藤川 千尋] b. june 1936 d. december 2014) was “moved to retirement housing” at about the same time. that was pretty much the last straw & ghoul left battery city within the week

there’s his crewmates’ symbols on his chest (in order from his right to left: kobra, jet, party) (gotten when their crew had been together for a while. dating this one is based on a couple things: 1. ghoul had been with them for long enough that he felt secure 2. poison and ghoul were friends by this point, or else he wouldn’t have included their symbol and 3. poison’s is over his heart so you can read into that as you will)

text from the graffiti bible on his right calf, as protection for his crew & as a reminder of one of his former friends who was a droid that believed very strongly in destroya’s return

his raygun on his chest (he was pretty proud of the design! this was when he was ~15 or 16) that he had poison’s added to post-sing post-engagement pre-commitment ceremony (so. september 2023) (yes i have my handwritten timeline + my own drawings + my fics out in front of me rn cross-referencing sldkdksksbx!)

one of the girl’s childhood drawings (one she drew of him & her & the stuffed animal he made for her when she was a baby all having a tea party together) from when she’s about 5 or so on his right hip (december 2022 or so)

shooting stars on his upper right shoulder, partially because they’re pretty and blend well with his other tattoos and partially because they’re a reminder of a lot of things, including but not limited to his first night out in the zones seeing the stars for the first time, stories his grandma used to tell him, and right when he’d first joined the fab four and him & kobra sat on the roof during a meteor shower

besides the other one i already mentioned ^ he has more of poison’s handwriting on his left inner forearm — this is also one ive mentioned before but once they’ve been in a relationship for a while they get into the habit of leaving little love notes around for each other! there’s nothing particularly special specifically about the one he got tattooed, besides the fact that it reminded him of poison and they love each other. the text in full (which i don’t think ive ever put anywhere, though im pretty sure ive put fragments of it in fics and art) is as follows:

Good Morning baby <3! I needed new paints, went on a run. Kobra has the Girl @ the Crash Track, Jet’s at the station. call me when you wake up! I love you, be back soon. XO Party <3

he also has the anniversaries of when they started dating and their commitment ceremony (03•03•21 and 10•26•23 respectively) on the inside of his right wrist ^ !

he’s got a snake wrapping around his left leg that kobra picked out and a hand of cards with the ace of spades face up that jet picked out (and these ofc are because they remind him of his crewmates!!)

he has the phoenix witch tattooed on his ribs, left side, styled vaguely after catholic saints (since that imagery can still be found in the inner zones & especially where ‘joys who still practice that religion gather!)

there’s a version of the eye from the mailbox on his right shoulder, and this one is also a sort of symbol of protection/good luck, to show devotion to the witch and to help protect himself and his crew

the constellation libra on his left forearm! this one was done a little while after he started running transmissions and supplies for dr. d! he liked the connection that astrology — whether he believed in the practice or not is up for debate — gave people to the stars, and the feeling that he had a place in the universe, predestined or not

after charlie is born, he gets a portrait of her (~age 4) with her name and birthday underneath done on his left thigh! (~2036)

and on his lower back, he has a fairly simple tattoo of two crows on a wire with their beaks pressed together (aughhhhhh romance) that he gets done as an anniversary surprise for their 10-year (so. 2033)!

his non-sentimental tattoos are largely based off of images from books, either from dr. d’s collection when he was working as a runner for him or from cherri’s after he joined up with the fab four, or else they’re naturally occurring in the zones!! this includes but is not limited to: california golden poppies on the back of his left shoulder, strawberries around his left bicep (he doesn’t ever have a strawberry until he’s like 35, this one is absolutely based off of a particularly pretty illustration), a thundercloud with lightning on his left elbow, a moon on his right inner bicep, a ring of thorns around his right forearm right under the elbow, a dagger on his inner left calf, and a sun, small bat, cross, rose, ribbon (with the word ‘faith’ in script), and wing on his right forearm and hand, all picked from flash sheets

so yeah! that’s about everything i have to say about ghoul’s tattoos atm but ty ty ty sm for letting me ramble abt them i think about his tattoos so much 😔❤️

[soulmate-game]

AHHHHHH! GUYS!

If you write fanfiction, pleeeeease, you don’t have to put “ (time skip because I’m bad at writing (insert insecurity)” because that’s what fanfiction is here to solve! It’s okay to be insecure, obviously, about any aspect of your writing. But if you don’t practice writing that, then you won’t develop any confidence and that part of your writing will plateau and not improve. In other words— you’ll stay just as insecure about it as you are now, for as long as you don’t allow yourself to practice writing it.

Now, I’m not saying you have to publish scenes that you aren’t proud of. That is just a catalyst to a whole different set of issues. But practice writing the types of scenes you’re least confident at writing, and keep them in a private place until you gain enough experience that you might feel ready to publish scenes of that type. If you don’t get there anytime soon, that’s fine too. It can take time.

But you don’t have to tell your readers that you’re insecure about anything. You don’t owe us that vulnerability. If you don’t feel comfortable writing a fight scene, or publishing it, that’s fine! You don’t have to put your reason for timeskipping in parenthesis— you don’t even have to outright tell us about a timeskip! Even just seeing: *timeskip* or (timeskip brought to you by (insert witty one-liner)) is jarring and hurts the flow of your story. You can build timeskips into your works as PART of your story. For example, let’s say I am a writer who is not confident at all about writing romance (spoiler: This is actually a weakness of my own, and part of the reason THG is a romance story— I’m practicing). Let’s set up a basic scene and timeskip without breaking the scene.

—————-

*sample start*

Marinette took a deep breath, looking in the mirror as she analyzed her appearance with all of the scrutiny of a perfectionist fashion designer. That is to say, she kept straightening the same piece of hair for the last five minutes even though her entire look was spotless, perfect— but if only that one strand could lie five degrees to the right...

The sound of the doorbell made the girl jump, and she scrambled for her purse before nearly breaking her ankle in her rush to get to the door. She swung it open, beaming at her date on the other side. “Hello! Hi! Wow you’re gorgeous— ignore that I said that! Uh, yeah, haha,” she ended up just shoving that stubborn strand of hair behind her ear before giving her— date? Significant other? She didn’t know yet— a lopsided smile. “Uh, ready to go?”

Several hours that included a romantic dinner, stroll down a particularly scenic route, and lots of talking later, Marinette’s date stopped in front of her apartment complex. The pigtailed girl looked up at them with wide eyes, caught off guard as they placed a single, sweet kiss on her cheek before winking. Marinette thought they might have said proper goodbyes— probably, since the next thing she knew she was inside her room sitting on her bed— but all she could remember solidly was giving the empty air a dopey smile as her fingertips brushed where her crush’s lips had been.

— — — *end sample*— — —

See? Just cut off at a point where you feel comfortable, and then bring the story back into focus without specifically stating that there was a time skip. Your readers will pick up on it, and they don’t need to know why it’s there. Maybe you time slipped in order to save writing time or to gloss over parts you deem unimportant and focus on the good stuff. If you timeskipped because you’re not quite happy with how you write that particular type of scene but still want to move the story forward, nobody needs to know. For all the readers know, you timeskipped as an artistic choice. Just zoom back in on the story where you feel comfortable picking up from the aftermath of a scene. If the two sentences (the one before and the one after the timeskip) don’t mesh well enough, you can just add a page break like the ones I used above to separate the sample from the rest of this post, and it does the job just fine without any words attached. Some examples of timeskip sentences include:

For fight scenes:

It took a while, and left (character) panting from exertion, but finally it was over. They leant their body weight on the wall beside them as they tried to regain their breath, eyes raking the skyline to survey the aftermath.

“Uuuuugh,” (character) groaned, arm covering their eyes. They had several new bruises on their body, but were overall intact. “That sucked.”

A bright light enveloped the scene after the drawn-out battle, signifying it’s overdue conclusion. (Character) dropped to the ground, slapping their hand over a still-bleeding wound in their side. That could have gone better, they thought— but it also could have been much, much worse.

For romance scenes:

(Character) dropped face-first onto their sofa only two hours later, groaning. “That. Was a. Disaster.”

The sun was just beginning to set, sending a mango-smoothie highlight over (Character)’s front door as (Romantic interest) took their head in their hands and captured their lips in a passionate kiss. Pulling away, (romantic interest) grinned, pressing their forehead gently against (character)’s. “Today was wonderful.”

The door clicked closed, the sound of the lock sliding into place deafening in the after-midnight silence. Then the silence slid back in for a moment before a delighted squeal tore through it once more, (character) jumping up and down in pure elation.

For business or profession-specific scenes:

(Character) loosened their tie and reclined back in their chair. The meeting was over, sure, but damn did it sap their energy.

It took hours of arguing and lots of pinches on the bridge of their nose, and maybe lots of silent cursing out of the imbeciles they worked with, but eventually (character) was able to knock some sense into the room of gathered “experts.”

(Doctor character) peeled their gloves off as procedure demanded; grip by the wrist, pull so it turns inside-out. Grab opposite glove by the wrist and pull, leaving the first bloody glove inside the second and chucking the messy bundle in the nearest trash can. That... could have gone better.

“I knew I shouldn’t have worn the white shirt,” (character) groused as they shoved their way out of (food establishment) after their shift. Said shirt was now thoroughly stained with different ingredients and who knows what else— (character) didn’t even want to guess. The whole shift was a blur of monotonous rushing. For eight. Hours.

So on and so forth! If you have a particular type of scene you are insecure writing and want some timeskip-line inspiration, feel free to ask me! I will do my best to provide examples like above for you to make your own or just gain inspiration from. I hope this helped!

[curiosityjams]

re: iz*one

first of all, i wanted to say i didn’t plan on writing something about the disbandment. the past few months have been incredibly rough on my mental state to the point where i feel as if i’ve lost all sense of self. shit has been so rough for me, their disbandment being confirmed made that even worse for me. however, i realized i need to learn how to be okay with like...being open about my own emotions in a time of uncertainty and writing them out helps me in a way even if a lot of those emotions i’d rather keep private. i’ve also been going thru a time where i’m currently reevaluating this past year and everything i’ve done/felt in the past few yrs (2.5 of those years being izone’s run), so i thought i’d write something about the disbandment and what iz*one means to me, esp during this point in my life. i’d write more about what led me to this point, but if i did, i’d end up writing a whole novel, so i’m just going to keep this as short as possible.

also if this is a jumbled mess, i’m sorry!!!!

since we’re here to talk about the inevitable, i just wanted to say that i’ve probably had a harder time accepting them being gone than i thought. i knew they were gonna disband eventually bc lol produce group, but also, knowing what happened with the voting scandal and the panasonic, it makes it even worse for me. i hate that they didn’t even bother to handle their disbandment in a way that wasn’t complete horseshit. i hate how the pandora screwed everything up. i hate how we didn’t even get a proper goodbye from the girls. i knew that this was going to happen, but i fucking hate how it all turned out. i can’t say i’m 100% happy with the ending and honestly, don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully accept that they’re no longer a group. 

that said, i’m not here to vent.

while i’m obviously upset that they’re gone, the fact that they were ever a group to begin with--i’ll forever be grateful. i avoided getting into them for the longest time because of my own trauma from being involved in the 48 fandom (smth i’ll talk about at a later time bc it’s a lot), but the moment i decided to watch their “up” performance and actually give them a chance beyond looping la vie en rose, that’s when i fell in love. i fell in love with the music. i fell in love with the visuals. i fell in love with the bond between the girls. most of all, i fell in love with the fact that during a weird transitional period in my 20s, i found a group that gave me the closure i needed in a time where it felt like the world was against me while also giving me the strength i need to move on. 

while we’re on that topic, let’s talk about kwon eunbi.

as you already know from my url, eunbi is obviously my bias. she’s the leader of the group, under the company my ult group, lovelyz, is also in, and THE absolute all-rounder. she’s extremely talented, super fucking funny, a babe of THE highest order, and the best single mom you could ever ask for. every time i watch a video of iz*one’s or look at any of their pics, i’m always in absolute awe of her. while i love all of the girls (j-line has a very special place in my heart bc of my time in 48 fandom) and do consider the entire group to be one full of bias wreckers, it’s eunbi that instantly caught my eye and the one i’m incredibly proud to call my ult.

“now, drea, why is it that you’re taking so much time with talking about how special this group and that girl are to you?” well, it’s mainly because that eunbi and i are the same age (both 95-liners, but i’m older by 2 months) that i’m so drawn to not only her, but the group as well. yeah, it’s normal to be drawn to members born in your birth year, but for me and esp in this case, it’s far more complex than it seems.

around the time i got into the group, i was (still am) going thru a quarter life crisis. i had just finished my a.a., was a few months away from turning 24, and had pretty much decided i was going to take an indefinite hiatus from twitter due to the amount of harm its done to my mental health over 10 years. i felt like shit knowing that so many people my age were living their lives, getting married, having kids, etc all that shit while i felt as if i was frozen in time and like i could never accomplish any of those things because according to society, my time was up. as a woman on the autism spectrum, i never felt like anything i did was enough and knowing that even after years of trauma, the feeling that if i don’t have my entire life sorted out by 24/25 scared the living shit out of me. knowing that a panini happened made those feelings even worse. 

i know it’s weird to like...feel so many emotions over this esp since 23-25 is young and starting your career out at that age is normal. that said, knowing how eunbi was already in a group prior to joining iz*one that ended up disbanding months after they debuted, the road she took to get to where she is now, and the fact that she’s 25/26 and will get so many chances to start over is what gives me hope after such a shit year. i can finally get to where i want to be, i’ll graduate from university, i’ll hopefully get a job that will earn me enough money to move out of my mom’s house, i’ll find love, etc who the fuck knows what’s going to happen? i hate that after years of hating myself and being afraid of getting older because people often have this mentality that you should abandon all sense of yourself once you hit your mid 20s, it’s taken me THIS long to actually start accepting myself for who i am and living my life for myself, but i’m excited to see where the fuck life takes me after years of self-hatred, trauma, and trying too hard to please ppl that don’t give a shit. seeing eunbi just have a fucking blast on stage, take care of her members, and overall be the amazing person she is gave me the strength i desperately needed to actually get to the path i want to be on as someone that’s a few years away from turning 30.

as i said earlier, i’m not ready to just outright accept iz*one being gone. i’ll probably spend the entire month of may just watching their content since there’s still a shitton of stuff i have yet to watch and i’m lowkey embarrassed that as a fan, i’m admitting this, but also: there’s no time limit. i can always watch that video at another time, i’ll like that pic later, etc. i wish iz*one was one of those things that had no time limit because i’ll always cherish them, but in the 2.5 years of their existance, i achieved some big things and survived a pandemic. i left twitter, got closure in chapters i needed closure in, finished my a.a., etc among many other things during that time and it’s partly because of iz*one that i’ve pushed myself to do all of those things. it’s hard esp since it’s easier to just write smth like this on tumblr than actually do it, but the girls and their music were part of the reason why 2020 wasn’t a complete dumpster fire for me. 

most of all, i wanted to write this because i wanted to shout-out the amazing folks at @izonetwork​. i joined super late in the game, but the convos i’ve had, the laughs we’ve had on discord/among us, etc i’ll never forget it. meeting all of you was one of THE highlights of an otherwise shitty year and i’ll always credit you as one of the reasons why i wasn’t completely emotionally distant during such a dark time. all of you keep me grounded and i’m forever grateful. super honored to call you guys my friends. <3

so yeah, thank you iz*one. thank you, eunbi, sakura, hyewon, yena, chaeyeon, chaewon, minju, nako, hitomi, yuri, yujin, and wonyoung. i don’t speak korean or japanese, but know i’m eternally grateful for all the joy, strength and bops you gave me in the past 2.5 years. i’m even more grateful for the friends i’ve met thru my own fandom of the group. i’m excited to see what every single one of you does next regardless of what it may be. 

now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go catch up on all the enozis i’ve missed. 

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

[kemvee]

@elffyness: a response

Edit: Elffyness have since changed their url to @bluhawke. I think it's important this event, and the fact they never apologised for the harm caused, isn't lost. Therefore I have updated accordingly.

This blog is my bedroom wall. 

Since I was oh, twelve, on my bedroom wall I have had pictures of mostly fictional men. Dante, Goku, Tidus, The Goblin King played by David Bowie. As I got older it was no longer socially acceptable to have pictures of my current fictional loves on display but then last year a wonderful friend recommended Tumblr and I joined. Here finally I can express my current love of Cullen Rutherford with like minded folk. I am happy. 

But @elffyness has made a call out post. I haven't once interacted with this person, I am blocked so this is a little like seeing ‘We are cool, Kemvee drools’ on a school toilet wall but thanks to some apparent mutuals I have been able to see it. 

I think a right of response is fair. I have put some thought into this and I speak from the heart and some of you may not like what I have to say.

First let me say that I think it’s careless and honestly a little crass to bundle these two issues in together. The sexualisation of a fictional character is not and never will be on the same billet as institutionalised racism to that end I will address these issues separately.

Sexualization of fictional Characters.

The sexualization of Cullen or indeed any fictional characters is not only the realm of white content creators. And I have to vehemently oppose the insinuation presented by @elffyness that it is. I can't tell you how many times I’ve seen reference to Cullen getting a strap across the blogs of some of the biggest names in the fandom, creators who are POC. You know who they are. I won’t ‘call them out’ because I don’t find it problematic. And if I did I would drop them a message.

The Smut Coven *le gasp* is 4 people. We support each other's creative endeavors and help each other through real life hardships. It is not ‘a place where we sexualize Dragon Age Characters’ smh. The one story we have written was a reader pov and little bit of escapism during, you know the world burning around us and the misery of Lockdown. And I would like to highlight that we kept ‘readers’ characteristics neutral. It is an inclusive story just as accessible to POC as white women.

As for my own content. Do I sexualize Cullen? You are damn right I do.

That man is my current hyperfixation and I love him to little squishy bits. But sexualizing a character rarely means we, his fans, gloss over his past. Except in certain fluffy AUs where it’s just not relevant, nor is it mutually exclusive to more wholesome forms of love.

I have drawn Cullen’s butt, I am also trying to illustrate my latest story’s more ‘spicy’ scenes as a stretch goal for my art journey... I have also drawn him playing a guitar, sewing a shirt and on a nintendo switch. I always put my nsfw content below cuts and my blog is 18+. If you don’t like seeing Cullen’s butt you literally don’t have to see it.

For my own long fics NOT ONCE have I ever glossed over Cullen's trauma. It’s always is a recurring theme that spans the entirety of the story. But you don't know that because you’ve never read my works have you? I can go into more detail about how and why I discuss this in each of my stories but I won’t now.

Speaking from personal experience people need to STOP assuming every response to trauma is to regress into a virginal like state. To think otherwise is naive, inaccurate and also does a disservice to victims of sexual assault. To those of you who do believe this antiquated response is accurate, I suggest you do better to educate yourselves, it is not for the victims to educate you. 

Please stop perpetuating the idea that we can’t enjoy a sexually active Cullen. You are trying to police peoples thoughts and it is not a good look.

Racism in the fandom

Do better.

I have seen this time and time again and I agree wholeheartedly. We all need to do better especially when we see racist language, marginalization or white washing. I myself blocked several such artists and take care to re-read posts to ensure I’m not causing offence with my carelessness.

In school in the UK we are made to reflect on slavery and have discussions about institutional racism when we get to sixth form. It’s not enough but we are trying to do better.

For this reason long before I saw this message splayed across Tumblr I have taken the time to correct family members if they have fallen short. You should have heard the talking to I gave my dad when I told him I was dating an Indian man and he let his prejudice show. Two months ago I made my own mother cry when i came down a little too hard on her when she repeated some nonsense about BAME and the Coronovirus.

I am aware of and consider myself the beneficiary of white privilege. I still worry about it. I worry that my mixed-race (not white presenting) children will have to endure hardships I didn't have to face. That our foreign sounding surname will make it difficult for them to have the same opportunities as me. When my husband talks about the racism he experienced as a child and I fear for their physical safety.

And so I strive to do better in my life, so I know the world my children will grow up in will be better. And I am proud as a mother hen to those of you who have taken up the baton to fight against racism in the Dragon Age fandom.

But of course you don’t know about this. Because I like to keep my private life and thoughts private. Because this isn’t a ‘personal’ blog or my new Facebook. Because I haven't reblogged post after post about this issue. Because I can say with a complete certainty that I am an ally, just not a performative one.

This is my bedroom wall. 

If you disagree with me then my asks, including anons are on. I’ll reply to polite questions because I try to live my life kindly. But honestly look at my blog. It’s 99.99% Cullen and if this is going to be problematic for you then it is probably better if you just block me and move on. 

Please keep safe during the pandemic. Please keep fighting for equality however you can and if you can’t that’s okay too, you probably have enough going on. I’m not here to judge or throw stones.

Love to you all. 

Yes even @elffyness x

[toushindai]

sometimes a fic you’re very proud of gets unceremoniously booted out of canon compliance by something that........ really does not earn the right to evict your fic from canon compliance, and your only recourse is to

Decide that in your own headcanon, what you must begrudgingly call the “canon scene” was merely a dream, and

Remind yourself why you wrote what you wrote.

Anyway I still love “The Diamond” because it does a lot of character work that I really wanted to see done, and although no one asked I’m gonna talk a little bit this is fifteen hundred words long so a lot bit actually about that out of a combination of sincere enthusiasm and very poorly hidden spite.

Within twenty-four hours of completing the Meg route and learning that both relationships were fully above-board, I concluded that Zagreus would want a threesome, and shortly thereafter I concluded that if he got one, it would be a disaster. I’m speaking literally, this is not an exaggeration. Within forty-eight hours I had a rough outline of what would become “The Diamond” written up, and the structure of the encounter is basically what it is in the final draft: Zag suggests it, Meg and Than are less enthused but decide to go along with it, Than is persistently awkward about the experience that Zagreus and Megaera seem to have with navigating each other, though he makes a gallant effort anyway which is interrupted by a reminder that Meg is still there, watching all of this, and the encounter falls apart.

As I began to flesh the idea out, I really became interested in exploring just... a number of different complications, a number of different tensions that to tell the truth I had expected to be present in the relationships based on the antagonism displayed by both Meg and Than early on. It’s clear that, canonically, they sorted out their differences somewhere out of Zag’s sight. And I have no objection to this, really. But “The Diamond” became about forcing the two of them to face their permissiveness towards the other relationship in close quarters, and to experience tension and discomfort that they may have shrugged off originally. They are each different things to Zagreus—this is a canon line, I just wanna emphasize that that’s a canon line, not something I came up with in a dream once—and in “Diamond,” I wanted to bump those two things up against each other and have them clash in ways that were awkward for everyone involved. Not wrong, not even unnavigable in the end, but awkward in a way that should be faced rather than looked away from. Thanatos, not just an uncomfortable outsider to the D/s dynamics that are so natural and inherent to Megaera’s relationship with Zagreus, but also watching the two of them follow familiar steps and feeling inadequate compared to how well they know each other. Megaera deciding that she is best suited to lead the encounter but in the process of giving Than space to play along shunting herself off into a corner, from where she feels awkwardly left out, and in her attempt to reintegrate herself into the scene by trying to take charge as comes naturally to her, shattering the entire encounter. Because the fic was strictly from Thanatos’s POV, I didn’t get to highlight this quite commeasurately to how strongly I felt it, but both Meg and Than saw glimpses of the shape of the other relationship and wondered, is that something Zagreus needs? Is that something he can’t get from me, does that make my relationship with him lesser? I saw a failed threesome as a perfect encounter to force them to have these thoughts.

(The answer to these questions is of course that neither relationship is lesser; they’re just wildly different, and for Zagreus, with his heart so full of love that it constantly overflows, to have both is beneficial to all involved. Maybe more strictly canonical iterations of the characters can understand that more easily, without having to question it. But where’s the fun in that? I want to see them working through it.)

The other big tension I wanted to put these characters through is... eh, it’s a combination of communication and respect issues. Like I’ve said and will keep saying, it’s pretty cute that Meg and Than sorted themselves out, and certainly that’s preferable to either relationship being secret or even just having to clear surprise polyamory with them after the fact, but at the same time... it is a little weird to me that Zagreus was excluded from the conversation. And so “Diamond” became about how Megaera and Thanatos think about Zagreus, and how they need to do better about that. Zagreus thinks, sincerely, that this will be great fun for everyone involved!. Neither Megaera nor Thanatos agrees, but how is Zagreus supposed to know that when they gripe amongst themselves and agree to go along with it? He gives Thanatos really a number of opportunities to back out, but Thanatos just grits his teeth and treats it as here Zag goes, being unreasonable again, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. Megaera’s attitude is similar. They both fail to show Zagreus the respect of communicating their actual opinions to him. He’s right to be hurt by that, at the end of the main chapter.

And I wanted to show Than and Meg making this mistake, together, because I feel that even canonically, even with both romances complete, both of them take the attitude that they are reasonable and he is unreasonable. Their adherence to the order of the Underworld and the House is something they are doing that is morally good, and his defiance is something that is morally bad, and they’ll both permit it because of his circumstances and because, mortifyingly, they’ve both come to care for him, but even so that is taking the attitude that they are in a position to permit, to allow, and that his actions are the aberrance. And you know what? That’s a shitty attitude to take with anyone, let alone your boyfriend. I wanted them to face this hurting Zag, and moreover making things wildly uncomfortable for them, too—so that they could see the truth of what a negative stance that is, and repent of it. Decide, consciously, to do better.

And then the last thing I wanted to touch on was an idea that, bluntly speaking, Zagreus is better and more practiced at wanting things. Megaera and Thanatos have been living and working for aeons in this environment where what they sincerely want is the last thing they’re able to take into consideration when it comes to what they must do. Zagreus... lives and has worked in this same environment, but because of whatever quirk of personality, he refuses to sublimate himself. Prior to the game, it seems, this mostly took the shape of just not doing what he wasn’t motivated to do; but now, during canon, Zagreus is going after what he wants no matter how many times he fails. No matter how many times his father or the fates themselves tell him no, he is going to keep trying. And I wanted to look at how this is foreign and overwhelming to Meg and Than, how they might even reject it at first because it’s so foreign—but also how they are drawn to it. How it’s something liberating, how they might learn from it and become more fully themselves. More honest, more relaxed, happier. If only they take the step of admitting that they are in the wrong here, and that they’ve been stifling and harming themselves for a long, long time and calling it justified.

(That post about what your favorite Hades ship says about you has my number so thoroughly; why, yes, I am bisexual, and yes, I do live and breathe for repressed characters letting down their guard for exactly one person; and yes, I am a fan of men getting p—wait, that last bit’s not relevant here.)

I’m ready for 1.0, I think. There’s been a lot of post-clear content integrated into the game without the ramifications of a true clear—one that doesn’t involve the storyteller killing you in increasingly aggravated ways, whatever that’s going to look like—actually being incorporated. And I’m hoping a true clear involves a little more tension. Not permanently, not in a way that breaks some of the happy endings that are already in place. But in a way that makes the characters work for them a little more, in transition. Who clings harder to the status quo, which is broken but has been stable? Who fights a little more against the good that Zagreus is doing by pushing back? What prices are paid for breaking things so that they must be rebuilt better? I want to see these tensions. The game starts in an untenable place and asks hard questions, and I hope that the mechanical difficulty of the escape process isn’t considered enough to have earned emotionally easy answers. Because complication is what I’m interested in. Complication, and characters deciding that it’s worth it to put in the effort needed to address that complication. That’s why I wrote “The Diamond” and that’s why I’m proud of it.

[shreddedleopard]

What do you think of Historia x Eren? I know the dad is the farmer and you ship RivaHisu,but I wanted to get your opinion on the ship.

Hey Anon!

Ooo what a brilliant ask! Thank you 😍

Okay so, disclaimer to begin with: when it comes to fun and fic writing, I am a proud multishipper, and honestly I can be convinced to ship most characters if common ground can be drawn up between them, especially if I’m reading fics and work has gone into highlighting commonalities between them and showing a basis for some good chemistry due to their personalities and values. I’m all about narrative potential, rather than what exists in the original work or has already been shown, if that makes sense. In this sense, of course Erehisu can work.

When it comes to the canon story, because we never really get much in the way of explicit ‘love confessions’ (exception: see Eremika and Falbi lol) I look for experiences in common and shared motivations, beliefs and goals as well as existing or potential for chemistry. This is just how my brain works.

Now. Erehisu. Let me tell you. You may be surprised, but I don’t hate it at all. There was a time when I did, but I think that has more to do with my experiences interacting with other fans than the actual ship itself. I don’t hate it, and in fact, I do believe that for a good portion of the manga, the pairing actually had SO much potential. Let me explain.

So, during Uprising (I know this is now officially ‘The Royal Government Arc’ or something but it will always be Uprising to me), I can totally see how Eren and Historia’s relationship with one another really finds depth; Eren seems to understand Historia, which is refreshing for her as, outside of Ymir, she has been living a lie for most of her life in a search for validation and acceptance from others. Eren is one of the first people to say to her, hey, I like this version of you - the real version - better, and that means so much to Historia. They both go through a tough emotional experience in the Reiss cavern, learning about their family pasts together, and they come out of it on the other side very different people. Although, this is where the cracks do show a little for me: Historia comes out of it more determined than ever to throw away the girl she once was; someone who could be manipulated by others to fulfil roles she never really wanted in search of acceptance. Whereas, if we look at Eren; his behaviour in the chapel was defeatist, hopeless and suicidal. Eren began to hate his identity whereas Historia was determined to embrace her own free will. In this moment, although Historia proclaims she was and would always be Eren’s ally, as people they were hugely different. She saves him when he tells her she should just follow the path that was always set out for her and eat him to retake the Founder. Granted, neither of them understand the true nature of Fritz’s will at this point, but their knee-jerk reactions to the situation really do highlight differences in strength of character. But still, there is potential, as these facts could just be seen as opportunities for them to learn from one another and contribute to their growth into young adults.

They have some nice moments at the orphanage at the end of this arc, where it’s clear Eren respects Historia and admires what she’s doing. There is a smart pass story about them both at the orphanage that I could analyse paired with this conversation in a lot of depth to talk more about their relationship and how they come so close to being a good pairing but things go amiss, but I won’t because this ask is already droning on haha and there are a few other points I want to mention.

Okay so, here is where I read a point made by someone else and this really got my brain firing for their potential as a ship during and post timeskip, and where I guess I started to really understand people’s thinking with pairing them. I saw someone make a point about how, when the volunteers arrive on Paradis and begin working with the military, Eren is kept completely separate from them a lot of the time. Of course this is because of his ‘role’ as the founder and how valuable he is. As Levi mentions, Yelena is not allowed near him. This is a poor decision by the Corps and again, I could waffle on about the this whole situation in more depth as part of an analysis of Eren’s character and the path he ends up on, but I shall refrain! Anyway, this person asked where could Eren be during these instances? Perhaps with Historia, his only other friend outside of the military? And this made so much sense to me and I think made me realise why perhaps Eren confided in Historia in chapter 130.

Historia and Eren can relate to one another during the timeskip because both are burdened with roles neither asked for, and because of these ‘roles’, both are now being segregated from their friends and likely feel very lonely. It’s only natural that they would spend time together and find solace in one another. This is all great, and could have lead to a really wonderful pairing, except that 130 happens and we see that conversation, and here is where Eren drops the ball completely and we see how, despite their common experiences, it is Eren and Historia’s driving motivations, beliefs and desires which set them so starkly apart that for me, they could not work as a couple. At least not if they continue on the course they are set during that conversation. Eren seems to show little understanding or empathy for Historia’s past experiences and how these must have affected her, and completely misses the point that Historia’s wish is now to live for herself and make her own decisions, with her own autonomy. Unfortunately, as this is the last interaction we get between them, and knowing how events turn out, it seems that things do not change and this is the impression of their dynamic I am left with.

About the conversation itself; I could go into lots of detail but essentially I would just be repeating what this brilliant Redditor said in THIS POST.

It’s an excellent analysis of their characters and especially that conversation, and why for me, rather than the deal-maker, it is the deal breaker for erehisu.

The final impression I am left with of this pair is that they are two sides of a coin; they belong together in narrative terms not romantically, but as equals and yet also opposites to one another. What begins at the Reiss cavern only grows throughout the story: Eren seems set on this path of apathetic acceptance of a bleak future of destruction, a fate which he has always been destined to fulfil as he has ‘always been the same’, ever since he was born. Nothing has changed, he’s powerless, he remains on the same path. Whereas, despite circumstances not always being in her favour, Historia seems determined to make and own her choices as her own free will, even when they are not ideal or even potentially seen as the ‘right’ or ‘fair’ path. I feel that they are another tragic version of very close allies that come so close to having romantic potential, and perhaps in a different life could have, but instead because of their differing approaches to their fates, their paths fork and their ideologies clash.

They’re absolutely delicious as a pairing to write about and explore, and because of this I hold them in very high regard, but I can’t get my head around their partnership and relationship - platonic or otherwise - as anything other than something once beautiful and hopeful that could only ever end in tragedy.

[toglidethroughlife]

Brighter Than Any Star:

An intimate look at everyone’s new favorite bass player

(or the blades band au that nobody asked for)

*inspired by @iaraiumi‘s STUNNING guitarist tyril art (here)

tyril-centric and tyril x mc bc this would be 7k+ words if i didn’t focus on just one of them but i tried to give everyone a moment in the spotlight. credits to a fic i read from the 100 fandom years ago for the format

used my f!elf mc ryllea graywater for this (though i guess this is kind of a modern au idk asjdla); also i don’t play any musical instruments i’m sorry in advance for butchering any of the technical parts 😬

Tyril Starfury — with his red silk shirts and slicked back hair — looks every bit the part of a rock god on stage with the rest of BLADES; but here, in the confines of their tour bus, he is a quiet presence, calmly sipping tea in the corner with a notepad and pen in his hands, his mind far away in the early hours of the morning.

If you had told me eighteen months ago that I would be shadowing Broadway darling Tyril Starfury as he traveled cross-country with his new rock band, I would have laughed and called you preposterous.

And yet, here I am, witness to the madness.

Nia Ellarious, the band’s youngest member and resident pianist, offers me a cup of the same tea as Starfury’s, telling me to enjoy the quiet with an almost apologetic smile.

I understand what she means not long after.

(There’s no such thing as a quiet morning in the world of Mal Volari.)

Every bit as charming and flamboyant as his on-stage persona, Volari greets the entire bus a good morning with flourish, throwing both me and Ellarious a magnetic smile before slipping towards the coffee machine with exceptionally light feet. (More on that later.) He taps on every available surface while he waits for his coffee to brew, humming softly as if figuring out a melody right there on the spot.

If Starfury is bothered by Volari’s banging and humming, he makes no show of it, paying him no mind as he continues to scribble in his notepad.

Ellarious beams as the scene plays out in front of her. “It’s not every day that they don’t get on each other’s nerves,” she explains. “Especially in the morning.”

It’s around this time — almost noon now — that Ryllea Graywater, lead guitarist and vocalist, wakes and joins the group, heading straight towards Volari and the cup of coffee in his hand.

“Thanks,” she winks as she takes the cup from him, shooting Volari a shit-eating grin that he returns easily, already procuring another cup for himself.

It should be noted that Graywater doesn’t seem to talk to anyone until she’s had at least one cup of coffee, choosing instead to slide in beside Starfury in the dining booth, eyes darting towards the notepad he’s writing on. They kind of just... sit there, minding their own business amidst the chaos that is the rest of the bus.

(Volari’s launched into an animated story about the inspiration behind last year’s summer hit, “Contessa, Contessa”, but I can’t help being drawn to the more quiet story unfolding behind him in the dining booth.)

Slinging one arm against the backrest of Starfury’s seat, Graywater casually invites herself into his space, a thoughtful smile on her lips as she looks over the notepad in his hand. There’s an openness between them that tells me that this isn’t a new occurrence, a comfortable ease in the way they seem to be engaging in a wordless conversation.

“He’s kind of really private,” I recall the younger Starfury sibling, Adrina, telling me about his creative process years ago, at the release party for his collab album with then rumored girlfriend and writing partner Kaya Duskraven. “He’s always been a perfectionist. Doesn’t really let anyone other than Kaya hear anything until it’s finished.”

But there’s no trace of that here, in this quiet moment with Graywater, bright, almost triumphant smiles on their faces as she picks up a pen and scribbles something on the pad too, immediately tapping out a melody against the table as if to test-run it by Starfury.

The smile he gives her is glowing.

I look away — suddenly feeling like an intruder in their private moment — catching the tail-end of Volari’s Contessa story, right before Imtura (no publicly released surname) accidentally slams me against the wall when the bus makes a rocky turn.

“Oof, sorry there little guy.” She raises both hands in apology before heading straight for the coffee machine, haphazardly dumping its contents into a generous-sized mug before immediately proceeding to consume said coffee as she plunks onto the other end of the dining booth.

And that’s how the first morning of me shadowing BLADES goes.

Ellarious tells me I’m lucky it was a good one.

-

With over 16 years of experience under his belt, Tyril Starfury has been in the music and entertainment industry far longer than the rest of the BLADES members combined. At the tender age of nine, he won his first piano competition, regarded highly for his precision at such a young age. He would continue to play competitively until he discovers a new love — musical theater.

It’s no surprise that Starfury ends up on Broadway — he comes from a long line of revered artists, all of them regarded as geniuses of their time. Though some would argue that his family name opened doors that would otherwise be unavailable, no one could deny that it was his clear, soaring baritone and unrelenting work ethic that kept him on stage.

It’s on this stage that he met young Kaya Duskraven, an understudy in one of his shows, prompting a fruitful five-year partnership spanning two EPs and a mini-concert series, Stars in the Dusk.

(The name was a little on the nose, but the critics loved them all the same.)

The two shared such a comfortable rapport, on and off-stage, that they naturally sparked dating rumors — Starfury was always quick to deny them.

No one could have expected the partnership to end on such a bitter note.

To this day, no one knows the real reason behind their fallout — Starfury walked out in the middle of their televised performance without apology or explanation — though there have been no shortage of rumors and theories, a lot of them involving one Eleryn Rosecoven, better known in the industry as Shadow Court bassist dXenia.

I tried to bring it up once, after several bottles of beer have been consumed and the band is swapping stories over s’mores made over the tour bus stove.

I’ve never been shut out so fast in my life.

There’s an audible crack from the s’more now crushed in Imtura’s hand, her piercing amber eyes seemingly driving a death sentence into mine. Volari sighs disapprovingly (and dramatically) at me, and even Ellarious — friendly, cheery Nia — looks at me with a pointed glare, turning off the stove, signaling the end of s’mores night.

“I would prefer not to comment,” Starfury nods at me, years of practiced courtesy showing in his tone and all I want in that moment is for the earth to swallow me whole.

Graywater follows when he excuses himself from the group. Everyone else avoids me like the plague.

It’s hours later when Starfury and Graywater return to the bus — I pretend to have fallen asleep in the dining booth in hopes that I can avoid their fury until the morning — but Graywater approaches me with two cups of tea in hand, an unreadable expression on her face.

She slides over one cup to me — if the scalding temperature of the tea is intentional, she makes no obvious show of it.

“Look,” she begins with an exasperated sigh. “I know you’re only doing your job here. And we did agree to this article, so I’m sorry if things got a little tense back there.” She pauses, as if considering her next words carefully. “We’ve all lived moments in our lives that we’re not proud of. Tyril’s had to live his in front of the public eye. He’ll talk about it when he feels ready to... but his past doesn’t define him, none of ours do.”

I nod, understanding that this is the last we’ll speak of the subject. She smiles as if in truce, telling me that I don’t have to banish myself to the dining booth and that no one will pull any pranks on me if I sleep in the shared bedroom.

I barely catch any sleep anyway.

There’s a ferocity in the way they protect each other that I didn’t notice at first — it could be subtle sometimes, like in the way Volari always checks in with each of the band members every night before going to bed (even though Starfury usually brushes him off); or in the way Imtura always makes sure every one stays hydrated (feel free to interpret that however you wish, whichever way is true); or in the way Ellarious always has some form of baked good running in the oven, more often someone else’s favorite rather than her own.

(I learn the hard way that no one is allowed to get in between Imtura and her cupcakes. No one.)

It’s also plain as day whenever they’re on stage together, their set list a carefully curated show that highlights each member’s strengths without anyone getting overworked. Everyone’s always quick to catch each other whenever they hit snags along the road — there’s a moment in one of the shows when Volari’s mic suddenly gets cut off and Starfury swoops in without missing a beat, a small nod of the former’s head seemingly the only cue he needs, the trust between them implicit.

When I had asked earlier why he’d joined BLADES, Starfury simply shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

“It was by accident. I happened to be at one of their shows and they needed a bass player. We kind of just… worked and we’ve played together ever since.”

But this kind of chemistry doesn’t just happen by accident. No, this is the product of months and months of hard work, of opinions clashing and arguments spanning days before sitting down and realizing it’s not impossible to see eye to eye; it’s battles won and battles lost together, respect earned and trust merited.

To call them just another band seems too small a word almost. Insufficient.

They’re kind of like a family.

(If your typical family involved regular knife and axe-throwing contests, that is.

... it’s best not to ask.)

-

Tensions are high backstage at Deadwood Festival Grounds.

Volari has been pacing around non-stop. Ellarious looks like she’s using every bit of her willpower not to bite her fingernails. Imtura keeps violently tapping her drumsticks together. Starfury’s got his arms crossed in a corner, brows furrowed.

Graywater is doing a handstand for no apparent reason.

The anxiety is understandable — tonight’s a crucial moment for the band.

With only one more show before the grand finale at Whitetower Stadium, all the bands are doing their best to retain the crowd’s favor, each playing well-established fan favorites, saving the riskier song choices for the finale.

That is, everyone except BLADES.

They’re planning to debut two new songs tonight, both of which written solely by Starfury.

It’s a ballsy move on its own — no one’s exactly itching to drop the ball on their fans this close to the end — but add in the fact that Starfury hasn’t released any solo-written music since the Duskraven fallout and you’ve got the makings of a battle that could either go incredibly right or disastrously wrong.

Let’s back up a bit.

After the Duskraven breakup, Starfury had gone into something of a hiatus (if that’s what you call disappearing off the face of the entertainment industry) before dropping the 13-track self-written album, “Honor,” without prior notice or promotion. Fans were ecstatic to hear from him after his sudden break, but critics were less enthused, calling the album ‘a brash, arrogant attempt at flipping the metaphorical finger at Duskraven that ultimately falls short’, noting the clear absence of Duskraven’s touch in his music — all technicality, no soul.

Starfury’s penned a couple of songs with BLADES since, spanning genres as colorful and diverse as its writers, but there hasn’t been a solo venture since Honor, leaving long-time Starfury fans anxious to hear him take lead again.

Graywater calls everyone into a circle, locking eyes with Starfury as she gives his hand a squeeze.

She makes a speech that I‘m not privy to — but everyone is visibly more resolute after she speaks, each raising their fists to meet in the middle of the circle.

“I’m honored to be on this journey with you all,” I hear Starfury share, a glittering smile spreading on Volari’s lips at the statement.

“I knew you liked us!” he says, crossing the circle to throw an arm around Starfury’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Group hug!” Ellarious laughs and Imtura closes the circle into a solid embrace.

Starfury appears to be in shock — as if this is the first time this has happened — but he recovers quickly, a quietly contented smile on his face.

The last streaks of daylight have disappeared by the time they’re called to stage, the crowd restless from a long afternoon under the blistering heat.

Darkness has fallen.

But then the opening chords to fan-favorite “Murderous Masquerade” cut through the evening air, a flurry of flashing lights bursting through the sky, and the Deadwood comes alive.

Volari takes center stage in his flashy black and gold ensemble, working the crowd with such ease that it’s no question why he’s been dubbed the band’s de facto showman — he’s frankly just mesmerizing to watch.

Next up is “The Priestess and the Warrior,” an epic tale crammed into four and a half minutes of heart-racing drum beats — provided by the insanely talented Imtura — with a tender piano-driven bridge near the close, Ellarious’ heartbreaking vocals driving the whole thing home.

Graywater takes lead in the third number, “Flirting with Monsters,” a delicate neo R&B number that sounds nothing like the title suggests, her earnest, airy vocals lulling you into a comfortable, almost dream-like state as she entices her lover to stay.

The one thing common between the seemingly weird mishmash of genres is Starfury’s steady bassline, providing a much needed thread of cohesion to the set list. Where Volari, Imtura, Graywater, and even Ellarious tackle their music with the raw aggression of fresh blood on stage, Starfury attacks with quiet, seasoned finesse, his expertise evident in tracks like “Watch your back (or I’ll watch it for you)” and “Drakna Queen” — two unconventionally energetic numbers that would be difficult to listen to live if not for Starfury’s sure hand bringing them harmony.

“Alright, we’re gonna slow things down for a bit,” Graywater announces, eyes sparkling with excitement as she looks at Starfury. “Tyril’s got a new song and we want you guys to be the first to hear it.”

By now, I’ve seen enough of Starfury’s performances to say that he’s not a nervous performer. Even in the earlier stages of his career, there was always a quiet assuredness about him — which could have also been easily called arrogance — and while that’s still present now, there’s something different about the way he interacts with the crowd, a sense of humility present in the way he put his hands together and gives them a brief bow before he sits himself in front of the piano.

“I would like to dedicate this to a person very special to me,” he begins, his fingers gentle on the keys, a soft, lilting melody dancing in the air.

(He’s not even the least bit subtle about the way he looks at Graywater.)

“She has reminded me, time and again, that hope and love, when we allow it, can shine the brightest light in the dark.” Graywater shakes her head as if to shrug in nonchalance, but she meets his eyes dead on, her smile beaming with pride.

Turning to the crowd, Starfury adds, “I hope this gives you as much joy as you’ve given me. This one’s called ‘Kilvali.’”

For the next minute, it’s just Starfury and the piano, the world quiet as his voice fills the air. If there was ever any doubt that Starfury had lost his vocal prowess, there wouldn’t be any now. His voice is clear and strong — reaching even the farthest row of people on the music grounds — albeit with a softness now that I’ve never heard from him before, his attachment to his music feeling infinitely more personal.

“All my moments with you are worth whatever pain that came before,” he sings, his voice soaring as the rest of the band join him in the second verse. The performance is even more powerful with the added instrumentation.

Tiny cellphone flashlights illuminate the crowd as they sway their hands in time to the song, the emotion in Starfury’s voice rolling out in waves.

Twitter user @notmxwllbmnt13 sums it up nicely:

SJSKJSJSK TYRIL STARFURY KILLED ME TONIGHT!! ALL!! THE!! FEELS!!

(It really was beautiful.)

The crowd cheers as the song draws to a close, but the battle’s not over yet (as Starfury would tell me himself later) — the true test lying in whether or not his second song proves a testament to his newfound voice in songwriting… or if it’s just a one-time stroke of luck.

“If it’s alright with you, we’d like to play you another new one,” he says and the applause is deafening when he turns over the mic to Volari, the latter pulling him into a one-armed hug before taking to the crowd.

If Duskraven’s interviews post-breakup are to be believed, Starfury has never — not once — written a song that wasn’t intended for himself. (She claimed to have co-written plenty of solos for Starfury, but he allegedly never returned the favor.) A quick glance at his repertoire would make this allegation appear true.

“It is true,” he tells me simply when I bring it up later in the tour bus. (Despite the coolness of his voice, I notice him shift a little in his seat.) “I was... unconfident, extending my words to other artists like that. I was also prideful and arrogant — afraid to face the judgment and criticism of my peers, and for that, I truly am sorry to Kaya. She deserved better from me as a partner.”

It seems Starfury has taken that incident to heart. Listening to “Purple Dreams” with Volari’s teasing falsetto on the forefront, it becomes clear that Starfury wrote this with the former’s vocals in mind, the flirtatious mix of his sassy vocal riffs and playful onstage antics giving the song a delicious, intoxicating energy.

It’s probably the most experimental I’ve heard from Starfury as a writer, both in terms of lyricism and melody.

“I’ve learned a lot this last year, creating music with BLADES,” he explains. “Not only did I find a new perspective on songwriting thanks to them, but my bandmates also gave me the courage to try things outside of my comfort zone and to allow myself to make mistakes. They inspire me.”

Years ago, he was dubbed as stiff and awkward outside of the theater stage, with Duskraven providing all the charm in their partnership, but now, on stage with BLADES — as Volari points his sultry gaze at him, singing his own lyrics to him — Starfury smirks, leaning ever so slightly against the showman as his hands tease along the guitar strings, driving the crowd wild.

It’s clear by the end of the song that Starfury has won over the crowd, and for once, he actually seems to revel in it, his smile beaming as he takes in the applause.

The rest of the band are even more thrilled for him, each leaving their posts to engulf him in another hug.

He doesn’t hesitate this time, allowing the fond gesture in front of their adoring crowd, each of them savoring the quiet moment, and I think, out of all the times I’ve seen Starfury on stage, this has to be my favorite version of him.

In the company of his friends, lifting and supporting each other, Tyril Starfury shines brighter than any star.

“We haven’t talked about what we’re doing after yet,” Starfury admits when I ask him about the future of BLADES after Morella Fest. (Each of the members are also solo artists in their own right, after all.) “But whatever happens at the end of the tour, we’ll always have each other, regardless of whether the band continues or not. I can’t imagine my life without these people now and I hope I never have to.”

He’s smiling as he says this, watching his bandmates fight over the last levenfruit before he excuses himself to join them, Graywater and Ellarious easily making space for him in the dining booth, Volari and Imtura rounding out the little world that now seems completely their own.

-

This article also appears in BLADES: The Most Ambitious Crossover Event in Morella Music History. You can find the full feature on www - kadethebard - com.

-

tagging: @sophie-summer ✨

[ginwhitlock]

Southbound ch 1/ ch 2 / CH 3 : Null Wind

After the Cullens leave her behind, Bella is left to pick up the pieces by herself. A year after her eighteenth birthday, a split second decision lands her in her truck, running far away from everything she has ever known. She decides to go south. What will she find in San Angelo, Texas?

I’d never felt so warm.

The golden light streaming through the open windows heated up the room in a dry embrace. I could see the filtering haze over every piece of honey-lacquered furniture piece in the living room. Bookcases lined up and down the walls on either side of the front door, highlighting a sitting area around a hand-tooled turkish rug. The dining room to my immediate right looked unused but tidy. For some reason, the live oak table looked like it could comfortably seat four. Who else did Peter entertain?

A drawn-out wind carried through the windows. I’ve had to learn that Texas breeze is just that-- a breeze and nothing more. Had I not already had to endure the minimum eighty-five degree heat shield for the early majority of my life and not to mention the last two months, my jeans would feel like I was carrying steel wool up a mountain. 

“Here Bell-- if I can call you Bell,” Peter started, arm still resting on the bronze door handle leading to the outside behind me, “go ahead and kick up your feet on the sofa and I’ll getcha somethin’ to simmer down this blasted heat.”

I could hear his wooden heels click on the tile as he retreated into what I could only assume to be the kitchen, being that the floor was formatted like a doll house. Walls dividing the arid space without exception. 

Esme would have been horrified. 

The thought of her heart-shaped face made my heart flip, the stoney exterior cracking and shifting in my chest. The brick wall I’ve put up started to claw its way out of my throat. 

I slunk over to the dusty-looking brown chair in the corner, its position allowing me to see the front door and the kitchen opening to my right with ease. All my exits are straight-legged in front of me. If I bolted before he came back in, I could make it to the door handle in just enough time. But god, what would I do then? If the truck is on it’s last leg-- if on any legs at all-- I’m sure it's hardly worth a likely buckshot in the ass. 

As my back pockets touched the softened hide my brain went into full overdrive. 

What do you think WERE doing? We should be on the road, basting Lynard Skynard in some southwestern dry county, not act like you’re meeting a boy’s parents for THE SECOND TIME EVER! Do you not have any common sense? What would happen if Edwar--

“I hope you like sun tea.”

A rough-knuckled hand held out a glass filled to the brim with squared off iced cubes and murky brown liquid. The cup glittered with a department store shine. 

They must’ve been his special ones. Guess no one gets guests out here. 

My hand slowly reached out and took it, a tentative sip following, my fingers sliding on the chilled surface. It tasted like roses and honeysuckle, a contrast to the red dirt lining my soles and the open air around everything here. 

It was only then that I realised he had taken off his hat. 

His eyes were beautiful. Mahogany stained, hand-sanded, fired art. The swirling of reflective speckling nearest his pupils brought out the darkened freckles on his cheeks. His sandy blonde brows shaded his lashes in a trimmed fence line. Peter looked the part of a country, fair haired, Marlon Brando, and I realized in that moment my stare was reflecting in his eyes in a glass-like mirror. My brain swam to the surface, focusing on the change in his facade. 

His mouth set in that same childish grin, matching his soft, playful features. “Again with the staring. Do you do much else darlin’?”

A beet red blush spread across my cheeks like margarine. I could feel the long forgotten heat spread down my neck and onto my chest. 

As I was about to speak, something changed in his whiskey-soaked sightline. His almost boyish features hardened into a grimace. His hand fisted my own, setting the tea on the coffee table at the crease of his calves. 

Finding my tongue growing heavy in my mouth I spoke, “Pe-ter is everything okay?” My eyes raced to his hand as it rose to his collar. 

In an instant his face physically uncramped, the smile coming back to features, wolfier now more than ever. But his eyes gathered into slits in a humourless way. 

“You just have such a pretty blush, Bell, you flush like a schoolgirl, ya know that?”

His voice came out hushed. Slow as molasses on a frigid winter afternoon. Like each word was a connecting jigsaw puzzle and he was looking for the next piece. In response, saliva ran down my throat like I had had a cold, the heat rising through the air and into my head. The knot in my stomach felt like it was tightening, closer and closer to snapping if he leaned any farther into my face. 

A rogue wind blew through a set of copper windchimes on the front porch. 

Peter’s stare disconnected as he rushed to pop open the button of his collar in a quick flick of his fingers. A true smile replaced the earlier one and spread over his upper lips and into his eyes. His mouth reminded me of a slow, murky river. The kind no one should go into without a life jacket. But the kids still try it, and all you hear is shouting from a town over, nothing coming from their mother’s lips but sobbing for the next forty-odd years. 

“Oh lord-- sorry lil Bell, didn’t mean to get in yer space like that, the south winds here are just…” His voice hardened, “just wash somethin’ over the house… over me today.”

His feet, still clad with his cowboy boots, shifted around the stump of a table and to the couch he had mentioned before. It’s long back almost obscured the front door with his added height. 

Without the coffee table, with our feet outstretched, we could’ve touched. 

I calmed down my breathing enough to speak coherently, “No… I get it. Definitely… get it.” A swallow followed to bring the collection of spit back down. 

Jesus Bella could you have gotten that out any less freaked out? Something is thoroughly wrong with this man PLUS whatever the hell ‘winds’ he’s talking about, you could very well be putting yourself in more danger than you ever had in Forks. He could be plotting to dump your body out in the desert for god sake. 

Or he just thinks you’re pretty. Maybe this is just how cowboys act, huh? This could be what you’ve been wishing for for months, Bella. Some cowboy to take you away. Wait... how does that song go? A bastardized voice came from the back of my skull. The same sickly-sweet tone that turned off my blaring alarms around…

“So what brings you to San Ang?”, Peter rolled out, his feet landing on the table, his hands stretched out behind his fluffy blonde halo. A small sliver of pale skin could be seen right above his belt. I looked to the floor before answering, only adding to the stupid blush which hadn’t left.

“Just traveling. Relationship went bad. Could even say it nuked my life.”

The oddly reassuring nod from before came back in full force, a stark contrast from the baited silence he blew across my face what seemed like just moments before. If he tries something, what does it matter if I tell him the rest of the story? I sighed, my body curling forward to grab the glass again. “He just sort of left me. He took my heart with him, you know. For a year I wandered around my hometown, numb to my core, just looking for anything he left behind. I even had a friend try to pull me out of it. I think I ended up pushing him away before I left.

“So now I’m here. Came into Texas maybe a month and a half ago. Just followed the road signs,” My eyes snapped up to his, “there aren’t any on this road.”

Peter’s brows quirked up in a laughably adorable way-- am I really calling the potential nutbag adorable?

Almost as if he felt my mood change, he laughed. A full belly, hands on his chest, forehead wrinkled like the Sunday morning newspaper, laugh. 

The sound eased away my present fear and outrage just a hair. 

“My lil Bell-- don’t you get what private property means? You’re smack dab in the middle of abouta’ hundred acres of nothin’, missy. The mud you found yerself on was just a walkin’ trail through the land.”, Peter belted out, body leaning forward, his hands lowering to his knees. 

My thoughts raced, but only one sentence formed in my mouth, its edges familiar window glass, “It’s Bella.”

A snort started his response, “C’mon. A little girl like you don’t wanna be referred to lika singin’ cartoony princess? You gotta be shittin’ me darlin.” He blew out a harsh stream of wind through his teeth. I could almost visualize him sitting on a porch somewhere spitting out peanut shells, dust coating the tops of his jeans. 

“Listen I don’t need your sympathy or your criticism of my ability to navigate. I’ve been doing just fine on my own, just let me see a phone and I’ll get outta your hair.” My body became heated with a different kind of feeling, the anger rushing through me at his insult. I stood up, my jeans ripping away from the leather seat. 

His form didn’t move an inch. His eyes rolled into his head and went to stare right back at me. 

“Bell,” I pinched my eyebrows together at the nickname but he continued, “I���m not insultin’ ya, I’m proud that you got this far south on yer own two feet. I have to say I didn’t expect much from a girl sleepin’ in her own truck in the middle of some one-way backroad, but you’re surprising’ me in a lot of ways.” His eyes swept to the kitchen for a quick second. 

“Oh and Bell, The nickname works. Trust me on it. It’s that voice of yers. Sounds like Christmas carolin.”

My face constricted in a dumb-found expression, the observation rattling me to my core. I’d never thought of my voice as anything other than dull compared to the Cullens. Some lifeless monotone of a teenage girl. His face looked sincere, the braziness fading behind his eyes. He looked even sweet as he said the last few words. Like there was a memory he wasn't sharing in between them. 

I managed to get out soft ‘thank you’ as my anger faded to a null ache. My hands climbed up my hips to my collarbones as I held myself in a self-cradle. 

I could almost hear a piece of the cement around my heart cracking in the nonexistent wind. I had left my light jacket in the truck, and yet, I felt as if I was hiding behind another barrier, a straight jacket around my collapsing sanity. Their memory, their mob horns tic home and their sing-song voices and their obviously faked investment into my life trying to weasel its way out. 

“Sweetheart you’re rocking.”

Looking down at my posture I could see the slight sway to my stance, a mechanism I had developed just nights after He left me in the forest, Charlie had said it was a self soothing technique. I just thought it was proof that I may be actually losing my mind. “Oh, Sorry.” My legs brought me back down to my seat in a slow collapse. 

His smile widened, his pearly-white teeth showing themselves off for the first time. I expected a crinkle to appear around his eyes, but it never did. I wondered what it did look like when the lines overcame his face in the night, what kind of beauty showed through when he was alone. 

“Nothin’ to be sorry about Bell, I get what you’re doin’.”

I nodded my head, almost not present in the conversation. My eyes glued to my lap. 

“And about that phone… I called my brother earlier, he’s on a huntin’ trip not far from here. He should be home soon and I’ll have him fix up your truck. No worries darlin’, no worries.” His hand found hovered over the bridge of my knuckles making my eyes drift up into his. I found a genuine kindness in them, and something else I couldn’t identify. Again, there was something about the words as they curled through his mouth. Like he knew something I didn’t. 

Peter’s hand slowly retracted to his belt, the shine of the metal highlighted by a beam of sun through the windows. It bounced back onto his skin, creating a shimmer. 

My thoughts captured that and put it into the back of my mind for later. “When is he gonna be back?”

A determined gleam sauntered into the quirk of his lip. 

“Tonight my lil Bell, he’ll be back tonight.”

For some reason my stomach twisted at his words, and not just at the warm butterflies the nickname started to ignite. 

[letterboxd]

Best of the Fests 2020.

From 17th-century werewolves to WWII gremlins to present-day nomads, the stripped-back, mostly virtual 2020 fall festivals still managed to bring the goods. Our team rounds up the very best titles we saw at TIFF, NYFF, the BFI London Film Festival and beyond.

LISTEN: Gemma Gracewood and Ella Kemp chew over their festival favorites in the latest episode of The Letterboxd Show.

Kudos to the teams at the Toronto, New York and BFI London Film Festivals for pulling excellent hybrid festivals together in extremely weird, not-at-all-ideal circumstances. From the always-excellent conversations (and Cameron Bailey’s always-excellent suits) to the hybrid options for viewing, we left feeling hope for our favorite art form.

We have been keeping track, over on our Twitter account, of the many film festivals going online, and it’s safe to say that virtual film festivals—and the wider accessibility they offer—have been a silver lining to this mostly awful year. Indeed, the 58th NYFF was one of Film at Lincoln Center’s most-attended festivals, with 70,000+ attendees in all 50 states and beyond. (We participated in a NYFF Industry Talk, along with MUBI and Rotten Tomatoes, about the future of online film conversation, moderated by Indiewire’s David Ehrlich.)

Attempting to replicate the extreme fatigue of the real thing, our festival team (Ella Kemp, Aaron Yap, Kambole Campbell, Jack Moulton and Gemma Gracewood and—helping us bridge the geo-locked divide—Canadian TIFF regular Jonathan White) disregarded international date lines and dove right in. We saw many films to love, but by consensus (and a poke around your Letterboxd reactions) these are the ones we’re still thinking about.

Lovers Rock Directed by Steve McQueen, written by McQueen and Courttia Newland. The ‘Small Axe’ anthology will be released on a weekly rollout on Amazon Prime Video beginning November 20 with ‘Mangrove’, then ‘Lovers Rock’, ‘Red, White and Blue’, ‘Alex Wheatle’ and finally ‘Education’. Seen at: NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

Lovers Rock, the first part of Steve McQueen’s ambitious, multi-part film project Small Axe, feels like a massive stylistic departure for the filmmaker, in a manner that completely transfixes and astounds. It’s no wonder that this one turned heads at multiple festivals, as it’s immediately warmer, more freewheeling and sensual than any other McQueen work. It’s defined by a hypnotic focus on sound and touch, represented in its earliest scenes with a tactile close-up of a heated comb working its way through hair, and later with its focus on hands wrapped around shoulders, moving across shirts and dresses, people joining together and/or colliding through song and dance. Despite being made for television, it’s astounding how little Lover’s Rock feels that way. Often impressionistic and unbound to the kind of urgency or efficiency that naturally comes with having to adhere to a time-slot, it simply rests in the moment. With the seismic protests being undertaken by Black people this year, Lovers Rock feels like more than welcome respite from a hateful populace—visually rich, gorgeously soundtracked Black joy and love. Also, man, those shirts are incredible. —KC

Nomadland Written and directed by Chloé Zhao. In US theaters December 4. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

“I am already convinced that Chloé Zhao deserves the whole world,” writes Jaime of Nomadland, the TIFF People’s Choice winner. Personal security is something we don’t think about on a daily basis. We have shelter, we can buy food, anything else is bonus. But what if those two basic tenets vanish? While the global financial crisis affected all in 2008, it affected retirees more. Supposedly secure retirement investments vanished; security no more. What do you do? Survive. Zhao’s adaptation of Jessica Bruder’s 2017 non-fiction masterpiece Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century is a beacon of human spirit and survival. It may not be pretty, but it’s real. It’s not something to be embarrassed about, it’s something to be proud of. Those that let this happen to good, honest working people should be the ones embarrassed. —JW

Minari Written and directed by Lee Isaac Chung. No release date announced. Seen at: Middleburg Film Festival.

Minari is the medicine for these tough times. It’s a wonderful, wonderful, deeply personal, utterly serene and metaphysical portrait of America—freedom, faith, superstition, forces of nature, and ambition collide with the costs of intoxicating capitalist dreams, but not without a whole lot of heart. This is elegantly crafted, at once organic in its approach and always sweepingly cinematic. The film’s gentle sense of humor ensures that it never takes itself too seriously and allows the weight of its poetic images and juxtapositions to guide the narrative. The brilliant ensemble should grow to join Steven Yeun as household names (well, cinephile households). Youn Yuh-jung and Alan Kim are bright sparks as the latest classic duo of sassy grandma and precocious grandchild, but it’s Han Ye-ri—taking on the surrogate role of director Lee Isaac Chung’s mother—who provides an overlooked and tender sounding board for familial bonds in fraction. Minari is truly one of 2020’s most invaluable and essential pieces of art, living up to the hype built since Sundance. Korea came to the USA for the Oscars earlier this year, and if 2021 shows similar mercy, there’s a chance you’ll see this home-grown Asian-American picture mounting that stage in future. —JM

Wolfwalkers Directed by Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, written by Will Collins with Moore and Stewart. Recently released in UK theaters; coming to Apple TV+ December 11. Seen at: TIFF, BFI London Film Festival.

The much-anticipated Cartoon Saloon adventure Wolfwalkers was met with only joy around here. A fable about what happens when a colonizing force tries to tame a wild forest, set during Oliver Cromwell’s Siege of Kilkenny, Wolfwalkers builds to “one of the most sensational animated third acts I’ve seen in years,” according to Animatedantic. The film’s themes are embedded in every hand-drawn line and stroke. “It’s not sleek and seamless and modern,” writes Cow Shea. “This is transparently a true work of art where all the work of that art is part of the finished product.” Mebh and Robyn are animated action heroes for the ages, and you’ll hear a lot about ‘Wolfvision’ in the weeks to come—for very good reason. Werewolf films have, for years, tried different ways to put us inside the beast’s mind, but Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart followed their noses and it’s as thrilling as things get. —GG

David Byrne’s American Utopia Directed by Spike Lee. On HBO and HBO Max now. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

David Byrne’s American Utopia is well on track to join Jonathan Demme’s film of another Byrne stage outing, Stop Making Sense (1984), as one of the highest-rated anythings on Letterboxd. We’re still deciding whether this film is sublime because the stage show itself is sublime, or because Spike Lee has sublimely captured the whole joyous thing for us to inject into our eyeballs, time and again, for far less than the price of a Broadway ticket. Let’s be honest: it’s due to both, and more besides. It’s a blessing upon 2020, of that we are certain. As Clint writes, “The phrase ‘this is the film we need right now’ is such a creaky cliché, but there’s an ineffable feeling that, if David Byrne and Spike Lee can’t heal the world with grey suits, bare feet, and some of the most all-encompassing works of music ever written, no one can.” As my colleague says, “will rewatch to death”. —GG

Shiva Baby Written and directed by Emma Seligman. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF, LFF.

A girl walks into a shiva and bumps into her sugar daddy. What sounds like a joke sets up 77 minutes of note-perfect comedy horror in Emma Seligman’s Shiva Baby, her feature debut adapted from her dissertation short of the same name. It’s funny, horrifying, excruciating and so painfully, accurately Jewish. Isaac Feldberg calls it “cruelly hilarious about everything smothering and inevitably miserable about Jewish family gatherings”, but Seligman’s sharp eye for comedy, her affection for her teen hero Danielle (Rachel Sennott, a bona fide star) just figuring her career out and owning her sexuality (Molly Gordon playing Danielle’s overachieving ex-girlfriend Maya is a highlight) cuts straight to the core, however you relate. Matt Neglia points out how Shiva Baby “captures the behaviors of its characters with the same level of dry wit and detail as the Coen Brothers would”. What a thrill for a young, smart, Jewish, bisexual woman to be setting the pace now. Keep an eye on Seligman’s bright, bright future. —EK

Tove Directed by Zaida Bergroth, written by Eeva Putro. Released in Finland; on the festival circuit elsewhere. Seen at: TIFF.

If there was a film swoony enough to fill the Portrait of a Lady on Fire-sized hole in your heart this year, it’s Zaida Bergroth’s Tove, a bewitching biopic of Finnish author and illustrator Tove Jansson, creator of the beloved Moomin cartoon characters. Set in Helsinki during and post-World War II, the film orbits around her boho world, flitting between her creative struggles as a painter and deep sexual awakening with married theater director Vivica Bandler (Krista Kosonen). As Lillian says, “Lesbians and Moomins is such a huge fucking mood I never wanted it to end.” Alma Pöysti shines effortlessly in the lead role. “The film happens on her fantastic face,” writes Hannu. Seth agrees: “a captivating first-class drama about a world-renowned talent in search of her own identity, love and freedom.” A cozy fall-season perfection. —AY

Shadow in the Cloud Co-written and directed by Roseanne Liang. Slated for a summer 2021 release. Seen at: TIFF, AFI Fest.

A proud addition to the “she did that!” canon, the single downside of Roseanne Liang’s genre-perfect, “deliciously fearless” Midnight Madness winner Shadow in the Cloud is that there was no Midnight Madness to experience it at—but thanks to a juicy sale out of TIFF, we can look forward to a premiere next summer. Chloë Grace Moretz is Maude Garrett, a WWII pilot assigned to transport a highly classified package over the Pacific. The all-male crew of the B-17 Flying Fortress banishes her to the lower ball turret, where they harass, gaslight and leer over her—and that is nowhere near the worst part of this bonkers, non-stop hell flight, which Moretz carries like the future action hero she must now become, if the movie goddesses are listening. —GG

Pieces of a Woman Directed by Kornél Mundruczó, written by Kata Wéber. Coming soon to Netflix. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF.

You will be hearing a lot about Vanessa Kirby in the months to come. Pieces of a Woman is an arresting, often taxing watch, but few actors have delivered a performance as utterly overwhelming as Kirby portraying Martha, a grieving mother processing the loss of her baby. The filmmaking team (Mundruczo and Weber share a “film by” credit) zoom in on deep, jagged pain, and tease out some of the most affecting moments put to screen this year. Jack calls the film “an intensely intimate depiction of mental and marital deterioration caused by tragedy” and nods to master Howard Shore’s “subtle yet potent” score. It’s poetry in motion, with stunning turns from Shia LaBeouf, Ellen Burstyn, Sarah Snook and Benny Safdie also. But proceed with caution: “this film will destroy you”, Alisha Tabilin warns. —EK

Underplayed Directed by Stacey Lee. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF. (Also recommended in our music movies round-up.)

Women-in-the-workplace movies aren’t usually this banging. Stacey Lee’s documentary Underplayed focuses on one corner of the still wildly sexist music industry—the dance-music scene—and lays out both the facts and feelings regarding why women still, always, deserve better. A number of key names guide the story—Rezz, Alison Wonderland, Nervo, TokiMonsta—giving the viewer a taste of what we’re missing out on while booking the same old men, over and over. And it’s not just because of the stats or the injustices that this is a must-watch: in times of limited social interaction and when the feeling of an adrenaline-fuelled crowd feels like a foggy memory, Lee captures some truly electric moments of these women thriving, captivating thousands of music lovers at once. “Buy yourself good speakers and turn them up because this movie is fun and it deserves it,” writes Matt Brown, and he’s absolutely correct. Underplayed is essential and exciting. The most entertaining education of the year. —EK

Another Round Directed by Thomas Vinterburg, written by Vinterburg and Tobias Lindholm. Awaiting new UK date due to lockdown. In US cinemas soon. Seen at: TIFF, LFF.

Another Round reunites filmmaker Thomas Vinterberg with his muse Mads Mikkelsen, in a lads-on-tour buddy movie, except the lads are four middle-aged high-school teachers, and the tour features a very casual, very constant level of intoxication each man commits to in the name of a social experiment. What could possibly go wrong, you ask? Plenty, naturally—but Vinterberg marries the slapstick moments of bumbling drunks falling over themselves with more mature, poignant scenes that question just how far you can or should go to feel that little bit more alive. There’s a lot to love here, but if we’re being very precise, it’s “rock-solid proof that Mads Mikkelsen is one of our greatest actors,” says Karen Han. Come for the wise, contemplative study of youth and spontaneity, stay for rock-solid proof that Mads Mikkelsen is also, somehow, one of our greatest contemporary dancers. —EK

One Night in Miami Directed by Regina King, adapted by Kemp Powers from his own stage play. In select US theaters December 25, coming to Amazon Prime Video January 15, 2021. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF.

Ladies and gentleman, Regina King has arrived. The actor wastes nothing in her feature directorial debut, bringing to the screen Kemp Powers’ vivid stage play of the same name with a heavyweight cast of greats. Kingsley Ben-Adir, Eli Goree, Aldis Hodge and Leslie Odom Jr. are Malcolm X, Cassius Clay (before he took the name Muhammad Ali), Jim Brown and Sam Cooke respectively, as the four men celebrate Clay’s victory over Sonny Liston in February 1964, during One Night in Miami. Rachel Wagner notes how “they all feel like friends and have chemistry, but each with a unique perspective”. This chemistry comes from King’s perfect alchemy of mood, design and structure; she lets her men speak, but her voice is never lost. “Queen King never wavers on her vision until every bit of flesh is torn off each man,” Ben notes, admiring a film that shines for all its famous faces, but stands the test of time for its rich, piercing empathy for every other one waiting in the shadows. —EK

Supernova Written and directed by Harry Macqueen. Awaiting UK and Ireland release due to lockdown; in select US theaters January 29, 2021. Seen at: BFI London Film Festival.

Colin Firth at his very best, Stanley Tucci losing his grip on himself, the luscious Lake District and endless cozy, delicious, warm knitwear. Supernova is every bit as beautiful as it sounds, but also packs a major punch when it comes to mapping a lifelong love story, and the cost of loyalty and pride when you’re fighting against pain nobody can control. As Sam and Tusker, devoted to one another for decades, come to terms with Tusker’s diagnosis of early on-set dementia, there is as much care and sadness as is to be expected, but it still feels brand new and cuts deep. Every good love story is its own. Director Harry Macqueen and his two shining stars understand this better than anyone. —EK

French Exit Directed by Azazel Jacobs, written by Patrick DeWitt. Scheduled for US release January 21, 2021. Seen at NYFF.

Armed with acerbic wit and sharpened claws, Michelle Pfeiffer delivers a vulnerable close-to-career-best performance in French Exit as a mother free-falling from wealth and reconciling with her son, an expertly cold Lucas Hedges. What appears to be formal and dry (“rich white-people stuff”, blegh) is actually wonderfully weird and surprisingly spiritual. There’s a divisive scene at the half-way point that instantly unroots the movie from any grounding we assumed it had established. In any other film, it would open up an entire world of possibilities, but French Exit decidedly treats it as matter-of-fact in order to focus on the emotional journey. It’s the decisive moment—you’re on its wavelength, or you’re overboard—and the rewards for staying aboard are plentiful. Patrick DeWitt’s adaptation of his own novel is in good hands with director Azazel Jacobs. —JM

Still Processing Directed by Sophy Romvari. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF.

A final, honorable mention for Sophy Romvari’s Still Processing, the highest-rated short film out of TIFF, and an excavation of grief like no other. “You’ve got to watch this one twice,” writes Martyn. “First viewing to just weep every two to three minutes. Second viewing to really appreciate how great it is.”