#call this fucking hospital when I get home. I’m so angry and I’m so sick of everyone literally smacking my aunt around like a tennis ball.

[godblooded]

lmfao our logical procedure went from the hospital to the er so guess who’s back at the er we waited until 2 am at!!!!

[no-144444]

mistakes- l.norris

————————

pairing: Lando Norris x publicist! fem! reader

summary: the aftermath of the Hungarian gp

————————

He wanted to scream. At Oscar, at the team, at everyone. It wasn’t fair. Fair and fucking square he was supposed to be in first. He was closest to Max in the championship. It made fucking sense, and Oscar wasn’t going to catch up, so Lando was McLaren’s only chance at a world championship. Fuck their strategy, fuck being a ‘team player’, fuck all that shit. It wasn’t fair.

And then there was you. Had he been harsh on the radio? Yes. Did you now have to clean up his mess? Yes. Was he scared to face you? Yes. But only because he knew what you’d be doing, and that you’d be too busy to be with him. Thus the joys of secretly dating your publicist.

He walked into his drivers room and found you on his bed, laptop on your lap as you answered call after call. You didn’t even spare him a glance. Fuck that. He was mad, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be alone right now. He changed and showered, then left you to work while he went out and ‘celebrated’ Oscar’s win.

————————

At about 2am Lily called you.

“Hi Y/n,” she sighed, the loud music making her difficult to hear.

“What club?” You sighed.

“I’ll send you my location now,” she hesitated. “Lando’s not that drunk, he’s just… sad. He’s been begging me to call you for ages, and I was holding off because I knew you’d be working all night today and-“

“It’s fine, I’m getting in my car now.”

“Thanks Y/n.”

And with that you hung up the phone. You closed your overheated laptop and grabbed your keys. The hospitality was dead at this time and all you could think about was the race. You were angry at the team, happy for Oscar, and annoyed at Lando. He hadn’t even come in to see you after, he’d given you a week's worth of work in one race, and you had no idea how to feel about what had happened today.

You pulled up outside the club and found Lando outside with Oscar. You ran over when you saw him sitting down, wondering if he was completely drunk.

“Where’s Y/n?” He mumbled to Oscar, tears in his eyes. The fans around were screaming their names as they waited for a photo, or even a glimpse of the drivers.

“I’m here,” you kneeled down beside him, taking his hand. “I’m right here.”

“Y/n,” he just stared at you as you looked over him. He looked awful. “You’re here.”

“Let’s go home, ok?”

“Please don’t be mad at me,” he begged.

You squeezed his hand, if you two were alone you would’ve hugged him and kissed all over his face, promising that you weren’t, but alas, you were all too aware of the hundreds of eyes on you. “I’m not mad at you.”

He groaned. Yeah, he was at least a little drunk. “But you’re not kissing me, you’re mad.”

“I’m going to leave you to it,” Oscar tried to hold back a laugh, but failed and decided he wouldn’t be much help anymore. “Good luck.”

You waved him off and sighed. “Lan, come on. I’ll kiss you at home,” you promised.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” you smiled, then tried to stand up but, Lando being Lando, he pulled you down and pressed his lips against yours.

Your heart stopped, and not in the usual way it did when he kissed you. The screams of the fans were drowned out by the beating in your ears.

He pulled back. “I love you. A lot.”

Fuck off. Not right now. No. He was not saying that for the first time now. That wasn’t fair.

“Lan please-“

“You don’t love me?”

Your breathing picked up, you felt sick. “Please can we just get to the car Lando?”

“Say it back!” He pleaded. “Please baby, I love you.”

“I love you too,” you sighed. “Now please can we go to the car?”

He nodded, a goofy smile on his face.

————————

When Lando woke up the next morning you were at the desk in his room, laptop open in front of you.

“Morning,” he said. You didn’t answer. He got up, noticing how you’d changed his clothes and mentally reminded himself to thank you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t answer again.

“Baby?” He turned his head and looked at you. Shit.

You were crying, staring at the awful things people were saying about you two online.

Shes so ugly. How can he date her? She’s so boring. She doesn’t even go out and celebrate with the team? She’s such a stuck up bitch.

“Stop looking at that,” he closed your laptop and held you closer. “They don’t know you.”

You nodded, leaning into his body. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I wanted to talk to you about it-“

He scoffed. “You didn’t even say hello when I came in.”

“What?” You turned to him, wiping your eyes. “I didn’t hear you. I had my AirPods in.”

“Oh,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Shit.”

“And I didn’t exactly have time after the race yesterday to look up from my laptop, not after the shitstorm you caused,” you sighed, knowing you were being too harsh. “Sorry. I know yesterday was shit for you.”

He sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m sorry too. I’m sure I did something fucking stupid last night.”

You chuckled. “You kissed me in front of everyone and told me you loved me.”

His body tensed. He took a deep breath. “Wow.”

“How do you think I felt?” You chuckled. “We’re going to have to answer so many fucking questions at work.”

He paused for a moment. “What did you say back?”

“I told you the truth,” you sighed, getting up. “I love you.”

He stared at you for a moment. “I love you too,” he pressed his lips to yours in a soft kiss. The tension and anxiety you felt dissipated as he held you closer. Yes, you were still stressed and upset, but Lando loved you.

You pulled away. “We need to talk about our strategy to explain what happened yesterday-“

“Please just stop talking and let me kiss you,” he pressed his lips to your again.

You’d talk about it all later.

————————

navigation for my blog :)

[reidmania]

hi!! i saw you taking request so here is an idea :)

fem!reader and spencer in an established relationship and they really love each other but they get into a fight. they both say things they dont mean so reader rushes out and while driving away she feels sorry and calls spencer but it goes to voicemail. she starts to send him one saying how sorry she is and that she loves him but is cut off with a loud crash. spencer gets the voicemail and hears about her car accident and rushes to hospital, you can end it however you want hahah. im sorry if this is too much but i feel like you are the only one who can do justice to this <33

guilt ridden | spencer reid

summary ; reader and spencer get into a silly argument that ends in hospital trips and a lot of apologises.

warnings; fem reader, established relationships, arguments, cm things, car accidents and hospitals, arguments, spencer being an ass and reader also being an ass which is all forgotten when things get serious, kinda rushed. angst, happish ending, hurt x comfort kindaish.

an; im sorry this took me so long and im sorry if its horrible. i really just wanted to get this one out of the way bc i rlly enjoyed the idea!!

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back in the morning at some point so I don’t want you to worry and I know you will probably be pissed right now and that okay— You should be. I am too, but I am sorry. I didn’t mean it — I shouldn’t have said it but it was just, in the moment I wasn’t thinking.. Im sorry Spence. I love—”

There was the sound of a gasp, then a bang and then it was silent for a minute until the voice message ended itself. The sound sent goosebumps along Spencer’s arms and sweat to build up over the back of his neck as anxiety made its bed in his stomach.

His entire body went cold as he stood in the kitchen — The same place he had been standing when the stupid argument took place before you grabbed your keys and walked out, muttering how if he was that sick of you, you’d get out of his way before the door slammed behind you.

He had thought about following you and telling you to stay but in the moment he was just angry. So angry. Not even entirely at you, just everything.

He had just gotten home from a case after being away for a week — a case where they couldn’t save the victims. It was one that affected Spencer more than he wanted to admit, all he wanted was to come home and shower.

Then he got home and you immediately hugged him and rambled on about how you missed him and normally — any other time he would adore the feeling of your arms around him, he would breathe in your scent and breath it back out before going on about the case.

This time was different, everything was too much. The grasp of your arms made his body tense rather than relax, your scent was suffocating mixed with the smell of the food on the stove and the candle lit in the living room. It was all just too much.

Not because it was you, there was nothing wrong with you. It was just the day built up, and it was too much for him.

So he pushed you away and began his way to the bedroom wordlessly, where he showered, and eventually came back a little more relaxed — only now you were the one in the bad mood.

Which ended in an argument between the two of you, you called him childish and immature, he called you suffocating and needy.

Neither of you meant it.

But that didn’t stop the hurt that seeped in and the tension that grew between the two of you. Until you were shaking your head telling him to go fuck himself, grabbing your keys and walking towards the front door.

Spencer regretted his words almost immediately when the door slammed shut and didn’t open again. He didn’t mean it but he couldn’t bring himself to follow you yet — he needed to calm down and he was sure you did as well.

He didn’t ignore your call, not on purpose. He was unpacking his stuff when his phone rang from where he had left it in the kitchen. Finding it ten minutes later to hear the voice mail you left, well he had never felt a more intense ache in his chest.

Something was wrong, seriously wrong. He tried calling again and again to no avail as the call went straight to voicemail every-time. He texted you as well.

He was in his car moments later, driving to the nearest hospital because if you were anywhere — it would be there. He heard the ambulance sirens on the way and they did nothing but build the tension in between his muscle and bones.

It wasn’t until an hour later of waiting and pacing around in the hospital waiting room that someone came to tell him that you were here — stable, but in a lot of pain.

He had never felt something like this. Every bit of his mind went blank as walked fast towards the room the nurse had directed him to. His knees felt like jelly and he felt sick to his stomach.

That sick didn’t compare to the one he felt when he saw you lying in the hospital bed, fading in and out of consciousness, a doctor by your side. You were bruised and bloodied and Spencer didn’t think he could stand for another minute as his legs carried him towards the chair next to your bed.

“Honey.” His voice came out a gasp.

But all the same concerned and guilty. Your head turned slightly towards the sound of his voice and he was almost sure his heart broke at the sound of pain that left your lips when moving.

“Spence” You were hardly audible, voice small and so quiet, full of hurt. Genuine pain, you were in genuine pain that you wouldn’t have been in if Spencer had just pulled his head in and didn’t act like an absolute idiot.

It was hard to think about the argument now, how it felt like everything at the time and nothing now. His hand reached out for yours as he tried to ignore the tears that burned in the back of his eyes.

“Im so sorry” He mumbled out. It didn’t even begin to describe the amount of guilt he felt burnt into his stomach, and every inch of his body. He felt sick to his stomach and was almost sure he was going to throw up. “Im so sorry- God Im sorry” He couldn’t help the series of apologies that streamed from his lips, still they didn’t even slightly cover the blame he took in his mind.

“Spence” You said again, almost as if you were unable to say or think about anything else. Despite the pain medication that you had been given — everything hurt.

“Im right here— Im right here.” He repeated, moving the chair in closer, he saw a soft sigh leave your lips despite it being so quiet he couldn’t hear it. He saw your eyes closed and for a moment he genuinely felt his heart break and drop, until they opened again.

You squeeze his hand slightly, it was soft and gentle, all the energy you could muster up put into doing so. “I know. Im sorry” You apologised and it hurt Spencer.

It genuinely made him feel pain in his stomach that you were lying in a hospital bed in an abundance of pain and yet — apologising to him for an argument that seemed so insignificant now.

“Don’t.” Spencer shook his head.

“Don’t apologise, I was an ass— I deserved it. you- You didn’t deserve this. God please don’t apologise.” He almost begged.

The words died on your tongue. Whatever you were going to say now a second thought as you realised Spencer was going to drive himself insane with the guilt and blame of this.

“Its not your fault.” You huffed out.

It was enough to sooth a small part of Spencer’s mind, your voice outweighing the one in his head that held him responsible. Your comfort the one he needed. His hand squeezed yours back.

“I love you — So much. You aren’t suffocating or needy in the slightest.” He felt the need to let you know. God if something happened to you and the last thing you’d heard him say was that he thought you were something— anything other than the most important person in his life and the one who he turned to for everything, the one person he truly loved and adored

Well he would never forgive himself

“I love you” You muttered back weekly, shuffling over on the hospital bed despite the pain that coursed through your body in doing so you made room for him. “Lay with me?” You asked.

He huffed something out before shaking his head, standing up and lowering himself onto the hospital bed. He was careful of your injuries and any pain you may be in as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I love you” He repeated as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of your shoulder. It made a sigh leave your lips, before turning your head to face him.

“I love you.”

[starstruckunknown-princess]

Yarrow - Santiago "Pope" Garcia x Reader

Yarrow (Achillea) - Meaning: Cure for a broken heart, healing

Summary: After a humiliating trip and fall when you find your boyfriend cheating, you call Santi for a ride home.

Pairing: Santiago "Pope" Garcia x Reader

Word Count: 1205

Warnings: Mentions of infidelity, language, reader has a broken wrist in a cast but is otherwise not described, bit of a clueless/hopelessly in love situation, snuggling

Day 8! My word count is creeping up and up the last few days...not sure what that's about. I'm also sick and really tired so forgive any errors.

In Bloom Masterlist

Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are appreciated! <3

“So…you gonna tell me what happened?” Santi asked, pulling the car out of the ER parking lot after picking you up. It was late, and raining, and you’d been there for hours so you were beyond ready to get home. At least the pain in your arm was dulled by the meds.

Your head rested heavily against the window of his pickup. The painkillers were making your eyelids droop, and the situation was embarrassing enough without reliving it. However, you figured you owed Santiago an explanation since he schlepped all the way to the hospital at this hour to give you a ride because the stupid doctor wouldn’t let you drive home all doped up. 

“I caught Alex cheating on me. Tripped down the stairs while I was running out. Caught myself on my wrist.” You said, giving him a noncommittal wave with your cast-covered forearm. “I shrieked so loud that they both ran out to help me. Then, turns out the chick he was banging is a nurse and said I should get checked out for a concussion too. She drove me.” 

“Ouch,” Santi replied. Whether to the actual injuries or to the fact that you had screamed so shrilly as you fell that Alex and his booty call had run half-naked out of his apartment to check on you. 

“She’s actually nice,” you admitted, keeping your eyes focused on the passing scenery. “Pretty, too. No wonder he was fucking her on the side.”

Santi’s warm hand landed on your denim-clad knee, “Hey, don’t do that. Any guy who would cheat on you is a fucking idiot who doesn’t know what he has.” 

Your head lolled on your neck as you turned your attention to your friend. While he was stopped at the light, his dark eyes staring at you betrayed his sincerity. You weren’t sure if it was the meds or how tired you were or what, but you stared right back, taking in how handsome he looked in the light of the street lamps. All dark eyes and heavy brow, the firm line of his plush lips, the stubble along his sharp jaw. 

“Thank you,” you whispered into the space between you. “For coming to get me.” 

“Anytime, you know that. I’m sorry this happened to you, querida. You deserve someone so much better than that jackass,” he said as the light turned green and he pulled into the intersection. 

You shifted in your seat, “He didn’t seem like a jackass until tonight.” 

Santi was quiet for a moment, then said, “I could tell. When we met him last month, we all figured out he was a jackass.” 

You snapped your head towards him so quickly your vision went fuzzy for a split second, “Then why didn’t you say anything?” 

Santi shrugged, “Will said it was a bad idea for your guy friends to get involved.” 

“Well next time you think someone I’m dating is a jackass, get involved.” Your tone was flat as you rested your head against the window again, relishing the cool glass against your skin. Letting your eyes drift closed, you listened to the soft click-click-click of the windshield wipers and the rain pattering the truck. You couldn’t summon the energy to be angry at Santi and the guys for not warning you about Alex right now, exhaustion dragging you down, down towards sleep. 

From the driver’s seat, Santi could feel how tired you were and figured it would be better to let you drift off. He could see the bruising on your arms from your fall and looked at the neon pink cast encasing your left forearm, unable to stop his jaw from clenching and his fingers from flexing on the steering wheel. 

That night he and the guys had met Alex he’d wanted to pull you aside and tell you, but Will intercepted him before he got the chance. Ever the perceptive one, Will had caught on to Santi’s growing feelings for you and gave him an ultimatum — if he did approach you tonight, he needed to tell you about his feelings or let you be happy with this guy. And you had looked happy, Alex was attentive enough, and seemed to like you back. 

But now you were half-asleep against his passenger door, injured and in pain after finding that asshole cheating on you. 

Who in their right mind would cheat on you? Wonderful, funny, intelligent, beautiful, generous you. Santi had half a mind to confront your ex, pummel him into the ground, and dump him off in the Everglades naked and disoriented. Instead, he turned down your quiet street and pulled into your driveway, putting his truck in park and turning off the engine — none of which woke you so he put a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” he said, “Querida, we’re home.” 

You awoke to Santi’s face near to yours. The truck was parked in your driveway, rain lightly pelting the window. 

“Right, thanks again Santi,” you said through a yawn, reaching to open the door but Santi stopped you. 

“Let me make it up to you?” Santi asked, dark eyes full of hope as he looked at you. 

You shook your head lightly, confused and still sleepy, “What do you mean?” 

“For not telling you Alex was an ass,” he explained, brushing some of your hair away from your face which made your heart stutter. “Let me take care of you. Please?” 

Your breath caught in your throat at his proximity — when had he moved? Or had you moved toward him? Either way, you both leaned over the center console and were getting closer by the second. All you could do was nod. 

You didn’t miss the smile that broke on Santi’s face as he closed the distance between your mouths, his lips pressing against yours in a gentle but firm kiss. Sparks exploded behind your eyelids, but before you could deepen the kiss Santi pulled back. You chased his lips but his steady hands on your shoulders held you back. 

“As much as I want to continue, you’re about to fall asleep sitting up. We should get you into bed.” He stroked your cheek with a featherlight touch, making you shiver. As awake as his kiss made you feel, you knew he was right. 

He exited the truck and rounded the front to open your door, helping you down and guiding you into the house with gentle touches to your lower back, arms, shoulders. When you got to your bedroom he helped you change into pajamas, his gaze and touches (unfortunately) remaining respectful. 

He pulled your covers back and held your hand while you slipped down into them, making sure you were settled before asking if you needed any more meds or water. 

“No, I’m fine for now. C’mere,” you said, lids falling closed once more. You heard his light chuckle and he rounded the bed, the rustle of his t-shirt coming off and the clink of his belt as he shucked off his pants preceded the other side of your bed dipping under his weight. He took the Big Spoon position and your last thought before falling asleep was how easy, how natural, how right his arms felt around you.

[cainache]

saw you wanted steve request & i love your steve angst.

steve with obvious reader who is unaware of the upside down but is slowly starting to freak out and get a little upset at steve from keeping it form her.

he’s my liar ♱ steve harrington

Hawkins, 1986

The phone call was worse than any kick to the gut. He hadn’t wanted to call you. It was late. You were sleeping and the last thing he wanted to do was bother you with his bullshit. But he was so damn scared. So damn terrified that he wouldn’t see tomorrow, so he called you. Shaking in his skin.

He needed to see you. Now. Selfishly.

You had rushed over without a problem, only living down the street. It was a short bike ride. One you hadn’t minded, even if you were livid with him and his disappearance act.

You had heard the news. Everyone had. Eddie Munson was missing. Chrissy Cunningham was still dead. Jason Carver was now missing. Max was in the hospital. So many others were dead. Half the town was in shambles.

And you didn’t know a thing of the truth.

You hadn’t seen Steve in two days. Every call went unanswered. Every visit to his vacant home left you leaving without seeing him. You’re not surprised by this, he does it all the time. Disappear. It’s happened like once every year since you’ve gotten with him. This year makes number three.

And when he does come back to you, there’s always a million apologies on his tongue and faded bruises on his skin. But tonight, everything is at its peak. Right in front of you. The red ring around his neck. The chunks of skin missing from his abdomen. Small littering cuts. You’re simply staring at him as he leans against the bathroom sink. There’s a towel low around his waist and his hair is wet and dripping. You can’t even be mad at him when he looks like this. You don’t fucking understand.

He hasn’t met your eye in a while.

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly whispers. It’s all too quiet in the bathroom. The steam from his shower is making you dizzy. You suck in a breath before you can cry. He’s looking for your eyes now. You wave a hand at him, staring at the white of his towel. “Can you just let me get the first aid kit, please?”

He winces at the way you sound. He moves, his back scrapes the wall as you bend down to shuffle around under his bathroom sink. Steve tries again, sick to his stomach. “Honey—” You can’t right now.

Your eyes screw shut as you grab onto the kit. “Steve. Please. Just go sit on your bed. I.. I need a minute.” He swallows, thick. He nods, even though you can’t see him. He pulls on his fingers till they ache as he walks the short distance to his room. He sits right on the edge of his bed, staring at the door. Waiting for you.

You stand after a second. Your eyes meet yourself in the mirror. Your face is caked with sleep. Your eyes are teary. You frown and shut the light off as you head for Steve’s room.

He perks up when you appear, it’s accompanied with a small wince. Your frown deepens as you take a seat next to him. “You.. You should lay back, so I can cover these easier.” He just nods. He lays back and you still won’t reach his eyes.

It’s quiet for a while. The only noise is your sniffles, crinkled plastic, and Steve’s occasional whispers. You don’t even have it in you to say soft sorry’s. You’re confused. Scared. Worried. Angry. And Steve’s here, breathing heavy as you look down at his ripped skin. “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he whispers. His eyes are glued to his ceiling.

You stare at his moving abdomen. “Looks pretty bad, Steve. There’s.. Theres teeth marks? Your skin is literally missing here..” Your finger gently moves to point and you flinch in surprise when he takes your hand in his. Your eyes are forced to meet his. He looks guilty. You’re still frowning.

“I’m sorry I called you. I.. I know I’ve been a dick. I know I’ve been gone. But honey, I’m okay. I’m here. Things are fine.”

You stare. Your jaw clicks. You want to rip your hand from his hold, but you love his hold. You need his hold right now. The reassurance. “Things are not fine, Steve.” You seethe, eyes watery slits. “Fucking look at you!” He frowns at your tone and your words. He knows he shouldn’t have called you, but he needed to see your face.

Your other hand waved towards his day old wounds. “What.. What even are these? Where did you get them! There’s damn teeth marks, Steve! I don’t get it!” You can’t sit, you stand during your vomit of words. Your anxious and your hand is still in his. Never too far.

He lets go of your hand slowly and sits up himself. He frowns as he looks at you. Tired. Chest moving quick. You look terrified. He wonders if he looks around the same?

“Honey, I can’t.. I just can’t explain it. I don’t know how.”

You glare at him. “Steve, I can not keep doing this? You’re like a damn mystery! God, whatever you’re doing is painful! Look at your stomach! That’s insane! It’s making me sick!”

He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t tell you the truth. He won’t. You can’t die. He can’t have that. He has to keep you far from it all. He lets out a breath, “I am okay.”

You’re heavy breathing, hands balled up into fist down at your sides. You stare at the bandages that take up a lot of his skin. “I’m okay,” he whispers again as he stands. He towers over you as his hands coat your fist. He squeezes gently. He takes you softly into him. Your eyes screw shut, you’re scared to touch him. He kisses your hairline. You cannot do this.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again.

You can say you won’t do this for a million times and it will never be true. If he calls, you’re here. Even if he is a liar.

[stonerskinny]

day 22 of mystery illness. yes, you read that right. 22.

woke up at 4am and threw up so i already called out of work for the day. this is shift #15 that i will have missed. i feel lucky every day that i still have a job. i don’t know if i have a soul anymore. it’s a complete gamble whether or not ill keep something down, from water to a full blown binge. i’m surprised im not hallucinating or throwing up blood at this point. i got a new cart for my dab pen on saturday night and it’s already almost empty. i took an 11 second hit the other night. i have not been sober in days. nothing feels real.

i’m angry that my heart is okay because now i don’t have an external excuse to recover. i’m angry that my mom is dead. i’m angry that im alive. and sick. and depressed. and manic. i’m angry that i can’t do anything about the mania because my thyroid is so fucked up right now and i’m even more angry that i forgot to tell my doctor that i probably need to go back on lithium so now my next bloodwork appointment isn’t for another six weeks. i’m angry that my psychiatrist’s advice to me was “don’t forget to lean on your friends for support, and you know when to take yourself to the hospital”. actually, no, i’m sad about that, because she’s right, i do know when to take myself to the hospital, but i wish i didn’t because i wish i didn’t deal with this. if i wasn’t dying of the plague i’d probably go. but i don’t want to, and being sick is a good excuse not to. so i won’t.

i’m angry that i’m still sick because it means i can’t go to work and missing work means i can stay home and sit in bed and get high all day. and that’s probably fueling the mania. and im angry that my sleep is fucked up. and i’m angry that i feel like i have no control over myself or my life. i can’t stop spending money but i have no money to spend. i keep having dreams about killing myself. i am un-fucking-well. and that scares me.

anyway. rant over. gonna doordash some hashbrowns from dunkin and hit my penjamin.

[nnnyxie]

It‘s almost my birthdayyyyy

Tmrw!! (25th) so excited but so scared

I‘m turning 16 and it’s scaring me for some reason

Also Idk if you remember the ask abt the two guys I sent once but the 19yo invited me to his birthday half a year prior so now I’m invited to his 20th birthday in July and he‘s gonna party into it??? Sounds so stupid but I just translated it word for word from my native language („reinfeiern“ which means partying into one’s birthday) but yeah I’m excited :) also scared? I swayed off topic and i‘m just ranting atp but I looooveee telling you stuff hehe :3

omg!! if you’re who i think you are— i have your bday in my calendar :3

(that sounds creepy i’m sorry— it’s just that you’ve told me before and i like to keep track of that stuff!!)

ANYWAYS!!

there’s no need to be scared!! 16 is just like turning any other age!! not much changes, at least from my experience. i mean— you might grow into your looks but, that’s about it (though i can’t say the same for myself. unless i have makeup on, i look like a 15 yr old and i’m literally about to be 20).

now onto the ‘reinfeierin’.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!! DO NOT feel pressured to drink either!!! just because everyone else is, doesn’t mean you have to!! and DO NOT take drinks from others. ALWAYS make your own drink. make sure you share your location with friends!! or family!! considering you’re from europe (germany, i presume?), i’m sure he will have bought alcohol for it (also i bring this up as a drinking age thing and not a stereotype).

more on the drinking stuff— while i suggest you DO NOT drink, i was once a curious 16 yr old so i would understand if you did (i hope this doesn’t come across as me condoning it). and if you do end up drinking, please have a safe way to get home. it doesn’t matter how much you drank, you should always have a plan. NEVER stay the night.

now, i’m not sure if marijuana is legal in europe or not, and i’m not sure if he or others would be able to get any— but, if there happens to be some there, i don’t suggest smoking it. though, like drinking, i’d understand if you did. because, again, i was once a curious 16 yr old as well. when it comes to parties, a lot of the time, the marijuana will be laced with something. usually stuff like shrooms or acid (unless that’s just an american thing…).

just like drinking, if you do end up smoking, have a safe way home. and DO NOT smoke a lot. depending on what you use, take either a small/half bowl or just two hits (of a joint/blunt [could also be called a cigarette]). and if it’s edibles, DO NOT eat any.

don’t do this all on an empty stomach either— for both drinking and smoking. it will genuinely fuck you up and make you sick.

if you start to feel ill, call your ride home!! be sure sit near a toilet until they arrive (trust). if you begin to twitch or almost consciously seize, try to stay calm and call your ride home— either have them take you to a hospital or call an ambulance because you could have been drugged or maybe just smoked more than your body could handle. either way, it’s best to get checked.

if you do go to a hospital— since you’re a minor, your parents will more than likely be called. don’t worry about them getting angry because it will only make your state worse. i know this all because when i was 17 i smoked way too much and ended up going through that. i was so afraid my mom would get mad but, instead, she was worried. she was scared for me and just wanted me to be okay. of course, she did scold me but there weren’t any harsh punishments because she knew how dumb teenagers could be.

anyways. like i said, be careful. share your location. make your own drinks. try not to drink alcohol and smoke. have a safe way home.

(sorry my older sister complex came out)

[yourimagines]

Falling for you p.7

* English is not my first language I apologise

* Triggers: Swearing, Angst, Violence, blood and fluff

Nick POV

I was at her apartment, grabbing her cat and some stuff for her. “Let’s go to your mom bubbles.” The cat miaow’s and I grabbed her under my arm, carrying a bag in my other hand. I walked out and closed off her door. The hallway was dark, no lights and I walked down, back to my truck. As I was placing bubbles and that bag in my truck I heard someone walking behind me. I turned around and a guy hit me with full first right on my face. I slammed the door shut behind me and throw a punch back. “What the fuck!” The guy fought back. “What the fuck do you want bitch.” I said and hit his nose, I felt and heard it cracking, breaking it. He holds his nose and swears at me. “Fucking bitch, you broke my nose Motherfucker.” “You attacked me first, who the fuck are you.” He moves a bit away. “I’m Josh, why are you taking her stuff.” ‘Who is Josh?’ “None of your business buddy, if I was you I would go to the hospital, your bleeding.” His hands where both covered in blood. “We are not done yet, asshole.” He runs away into the darkness. I quickly got in the car and checked myself in the rear mirror, a few small cuts where on my face, nothing to bad. ‘Shit she’s going to be worried.’ Bubbles moved over to my lap, laying down and started to purr. “You are a little cuddly monster.” I laughed at the cat, who was already asleep on my lap.

Y/n POV

The front door opens and Nick walks in, he had some blood on his shirt and hands, he also had a few cuts on his face. I gasped and walked over. “What happened?” He sets Bubbles down who walked over and started to giving me cuddles against my leg. “Some asshole attacked me from behind…I broke his fucking nose.” I held his biceps, looking closely at his face, carefully touching the small cuts. “Are you okay?” He nods and kisses me. “I’m fine but you’re not going back there, it’s freaking dangerous.” I giggled and hugged him, laying my head against his chest. “Thank you, thank you for everything.” “No problem but darling I don’t want you to get dirty as well.” He moved away to the kitchen, washing his bloody hands. “He knew bubbles.” He says and my heart dropped. ‘Josh.’ “Did he?” “Yeah, I told him to fuck off.” “What was his name?” He grabs a towel to dry his hands. “Josh…do you know him?” My face fell and I started to panic. ‘he knows I’m not home..’ “darling? You okay?” I shook my head. “No I’m not, Nick you just met my ex.” His eyes darkened, he clenched his jaw and his whole vibe turned upside down. “The asshole who left you alone in that forest, who hunted you? That ex?!” I nodded, afraid to talk. “Fuck! I should’ve known it. That motherfucker.” He was pacing around, angry and frustrated. “Baby, you can’t stay there, he was waiting for you, he’s stalking you.” I felt very small and afraid as Nick was angry.

Nick pov

She was trembling, looking guilty to the ground as someone said she was a bad person. “Baby I’m not mad at you but you really can’t stay there, he’s a sick motherfucker. He attacked me while I was putting Bubbles in the car.” I walked up to her, pulling her close to my chest. “Listen, you don’t have to be afraid here with me, I protect you but I can’t protect you when your living there alone…” I held her close and heard her mumbling a small I know. “You’re mine now, nobody is going to hurt you…” I kissed her head as Bubbles was nuzzling her head against my leg. “I think someone wants to be included.” I joked and she laughs, looking down at our feet. “She missed me.” She crouched down and pets her. “He got you while being in a battle, almost like a fairytale.” I snorted as she laughs at her own joke. “Real funny, I’ve got battle scars for you, so much hate here.” I said with a smile on my face, she giggles and stands up to kiss me. “I’m sorry my knight.” I smiled back, placing a small kiss on her nose. “I’ve got you my queen.”

She was laying in bed as I called Nate about this situation. “Maybe she should move in with you, I mean he attacked you…does he even know who you are?” I placed Bubbles food down and she started to eat. “No I don’t think so.” “Nick listen, you have that spare room for my kids, just used it for her, make it her own place so she can pull herself back. You guys just started to dat but she can’t stay there…” I went through my hair, sighing. “I know…I fucking hate this.. my relationships are never normal.” Nate laughs and I cleaned up some dishes. “It’s because you’re not that type of person but she might be the one.” I smiled to myself. “Yeah…it’s not going to be easy, I mean I’m already 40 and she’s 24 but I love her.” Bubbles was done eating and I checked every door and turned off the lights, walking to my room. “Maybe it’s good, she’s young so you will feel young and maybe she wants kids…” ‘I always said no about having kids but now I met her…’ “maybe, we just got together.” I walked into my room and smiled at her, she smiles back. “But I’ll talk to you later, my girl is waiting.” I heard him chuckling. “alright take care.” I turned the lights off and joined her in bed “Thanks you too.” I placed my phone down on my nightstand and scooted over to her, she happily started to cuddle me.

“Is it weird that I don’t want to leave you ever.” She says as she traces my chest. “No because I don’t want you to leave…” she looks up, her eyes filled with love and admiration. “I’m so in love with you, you’re my knight in shining armour.” She softly squeezed my biceps. I pulled her close, rubbing her back. “I love you, my queen.” She giggles and lays her head back down on my chest. “I’m glad I’ve found you…” I kissed her head. “I’m glad too.” She snuggled up and closed her eyes. “I feel so safe with you, I never felt so safe like this.” I softly smiled, caressing her back. “You will always be safe baby, with me or with my family. I will make sure of that.” She sadly smiles, trying not to cry. “I don’t deserve you.” “Baby, don’t say that…you deserve to feel safe and loved….and I will do everything for you to make you feel like that.” I softly wiped away her tears with my thumb. “Do I make you happy?” She asked me. “Darling, you make me more than just happy, you make me crazy.” She giggles and kisses me. “I love you so much baby…” “I love you too Nick.”

[aajjks]

idiots to friends to lovers 😂

BC!JK

“yn!!!! What the fuck were you thinking!?”

“j-jungkook?” you shiver out.

“Y-Yn look at YOURE soaking wet.”

“it’s okay! i’m fine! danielle is on her way”

“C-Come back inside please you’ll get sick! PLEASE.”

“i’m fine!!! danielle should be here soon!”

“yn come on!”

“look, i really appreciate the hospitality but—“

why does he even bother giving you an option anymore?

before you can finish your sentence, jungkook grabs you forearm and drags you both to his home. he can’t believe you were really going to stand out there and wait until danielle got you and why would you call danielle when he’s right there!!

when you both make it inside his home, you’re visibly shivering from how cold it is and although you try to play it off like everything is okay, he can tell you’re freezing your ass off. all your makeup has been washed off and you feel like a melted crayon, you probably look like one.

“i-i was fine j-jungkook! d-danielle is gonna p-pick me up-p” you try and smile but this is only making you want to cry more.

why do you feel like crying so much? well, you know why.

your heart has been broken.

you feel embarrassed.

you feel like shit.

you feel blue.

you feel like watching romance movies and maybe reading the conqueror again.

it has been such a long night and you really wish this night would just end already.

Jungkook tsks but you need a big hug right now, so he slurps up his anger and he pulls you in for a tight hug, he knows it’s not easy for you at all because…

The love of your life broke up with you. Jungkook he feels really angry and jealous, but that is the truth and he has to admit it… he was your first love, and it’s definitely not easy for you. “Yn darling… my darling… just calm down okay?” He whispers some tenderly in your ears.

He loves you so much, and he wishes that you could see and acknowledge his love for you, but you don’t that is all right with him for now…

“I-I know that you love him very much… and I know that it’s not easy for you at all.. trust me I know how you feel because when I lost you, I struggled so bad and I still do- it’s not easy for me to see you hung up on him.…. But you’ll get through this I’ll help you.l” he wants to kiss your tears so bad, but he knows you don’t want that.

Because why would you?

“A-And what is so wrong about staying with me? Why Danielle yn?” He closes his eyes and he heals your scent, which is mixed with the scent of rain… and it feels so good for him to have you in his arms

“Cry all you want yn… I just want you to stay with me… I want to help you… why can’t you just give me one chance?” He’s holding your waist, “just one chance it’s all I ask for.”

[ohtobeleah]

Okay Leah, you know that I just read ToE for the first time so here are my thoughts on Terms Of Endearment:

1) ow.

2) ow again.

3) I admired how you described the DV without sugar coating anything. The deep descriptions truly showed how evil Jaidyn was and how absolutely psycho he is. There was no room for misunderstanding. It was all described so well that I actually made me feel scared and I was just reading it.

4) My heart aches for little Dot. Teenager Dot is a hooligan and I love her for that…but little Dot is so absolutely precious with her little speech impediment. My nephews had speech impediments so they use to call me Wo Wo and the moment they started saying Lo Lo, I was in shambles. So I can’t definitely relate to Tooster.

5) NOT ME LOWKEY SHIPPING JAKE AND FE THE WHOLE TIME. I think I have to accept that I am a Jake girlie first and foremost. Like when he “confessed” to Dot being his child and that he was in love with Fe, I was like yeah you are! Even though I knew it was a ploy. I’m a sick woman, Leah, a sick sick woman.

6) BOB, my precious baby Bob. I even knew that he died before going into this and I was delulu enough to be surprised when he actually did.

7) I see your little self indulgence with the Amilia character… Ms Austrian personal trainer… I see you and I respect it. But fuck her for driving Dot to go see Jaidyn. What the shit was she thinking?! I understand she was thinking it was for the best bc Dot would have gone by herself if one of them hadn’t taken her and that would be worse but STILL I was so angry.

8) Absolutely adore Chase. The boys locker room scene was so funny.

9) the way Bradley and Jake were like divorced dads sharing custody while Fe was in the hospital. It was adorable and so sweet but actually made me laugh out loud at the thought of what they must’ve looked like from the outside.

10) *eye twitches* Jaidyn burned one of the only photos Bradley had of his parents….

11) I just LOVE that his name is Jaidyn bc my best friend is currently fucking around with a deadbeat guy named Jaidyn and I CANNOT STAND HIS ASS.

12) I would love love love to see a snippet of Jake trying to bring a girl home when Fe and Dot were living with him. I can just see him bringing home some smoking hot girl from the bar and he’s thinking “how the fuck have I managed this?” as they’re walking up to his door. And they start making out and stumbling into his apartment and BAM Jake trips on a block castle Dot had made earlier that morning and busts his ass. Then the girl looks around to see a living room full of toys and is like “Imma head out.”

13) The staring contest between Rhett and Fe was so funny. I loved their dynamic. Grumpy man forced to watch an even grumpier woman with the stubbornness of an ass.

14) “mama and tooster left me… but I wove dem doe.” OW OW OW. You bitch, that hurt.

15) I still ship Jake and Fe. *continuously snaps rubber band on wrist to get rid of the bad thoughts*

16) I ADORE Bradley though! I love how you made the point that Dot knew Jake loved her but she could tell that Tooster loved her the same way her mom loves her. AHHHHHH that was just precious.

17) The cattle prod… I will murder that motherfucker if I ever see his fictional ass in the streets.

18) You are amazing, I loved this series and I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to read it. I am so excited for the WIO series but I’m trying so hard to wait until it’s fully released bc it will tear me apart to read that over the holidays and not know how it ends lol!

Okay that’s all!!!!!!! Actually it’s probably not all, but I’m very tired, it’s 2am here so I must force myself to sleep now!

Much love ❤️ ❤️

My literal reaction when I saw this. Woah, just woah. Lo! Thank-you so much for your love and support for terms of endearment 💕💕

You have so many thoughts but one sticks out to me! Yes, 12) yes we do need a blurb about Jake bringing home a hookup just after Fe and Dot moved in.

We need to talk about all these points!

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: Another Broken Toe and Assorted Health Things

Just before bed, the night before Disability Inspection, I fell and broke my toe, but saved the plant I was carrying.  Squirrel's mostly quarantining in his room for a non-COVID infection and we are both masking up when he has to come out, so I had to mask up to get him and he ended up setting and taping me up on the bathroom floor in his mask to the distress of everyone, but especially the cats, who did not know what was going on but understood it was bad.

 It was of course the toe I've snapped in half so it flops about at right angles to my foot three times, the same one that breaks at the drop of a hat.  The local hospital gets really angry if you bring in even a right angles toe, but I've had an S Shaped break down in Portland once that took four hours and A Lot of X-Rays to set, so I always bring those types of fractures in despite ER Doctor and Nurse assholery.  For a clear break that isn't quite that bad, we put cotton between the toes and tape it up, which is what the hospital would do anyway.  I don't think I hairlined the toe next to it.  It's pretty borked, but I've broken toes often enough that I'm pretty sure.  The bruising on the next two over isn't that bad and I can use them and the big toe to get around pretty well on my crutch, as long as I mostly elevate it between and don't hobble around to much.

The assessment seemed okay, but we can't know until they tell us if they are doing something alarming like taking hours away or the like.  Tavy came out after his initial semi-feral scatter and hide response he learned in his home colony as a kitten.  She had to ask if he was an adult, because he's just a little guy.  I think he'll be seven in July if i haven't lost count.  He is a full grown, middle aged, Tiny Terror.

I called to cancel my treatment as I can't be sure I'm not infectious.  It's not COVID.  Squirrel was professionally tested and our home kits remain negative.  It is possible I am sick, but so many things are wrong with me that unless I spike a high fever, start vomiting, or get distinctly different pain than the usual pain, we can't tell, and I am used to shuffling about regardless with infections that lay able bodied people flat because it's not THAT much different.  Move even slower.  Lie down even more.  Someone has to feed cats and fish and if I don't at minimum hydrate myself...  Yeah.

Am I logy from three weeks of intense pain and associated low quality sleep?  High allergen count and assorted lung stuff?  Infection?  Who the fuck knows?  I don't.

Yes I warned Inspection Lady and tried to talk her into interviewing me outside, but she would not and so I opened a window and put on the best mask I had.  Sigh. 

Anyway, the receptionist was really distressed.  Peacehealth is closing the only Clinic doing that North of Everett that takes Medicare/Medicaid on this stretch od coast.  Even if my car could handle a weekly trip down there, I couldn’t not to mention the expense.  They all lose their jobs at the end of next month.  I wrote a letter to Peacehealth admin, but I don’t have much hope.  For Profit Health care is the Worst health care, but here we are.

Hobble Hobble  Hobble.

Curse Curse Curse.

[druggeddraccus]

um. a lots happened.

4/5–i was sleeping for work and my mom called me at 230p. our neighbor had run over to our house and was banging on our door. her 3yr old daughter was lethargic, not acting right, dizzy, vomiting. neighbor had called 911, and once EMS got there she ran over to ours and my mom called to wake me up. i had no idea what was going on when i ran into their house EMS was bagging her daughter. they took daughter with ambulance and i drove my neighbor and her 11 day old new born to the hospital. i sat with the newborn in the car till the dad got there and then my brother in law drove me home since i had work that night

and then at work that night. god. it was so fucking stressful. way too much adrenaline for one day. i had a lady that was baker acted and she was getting agitated anxious wanting to leave. and she ran out of her room and toward the elevators. i chased after her and didn’t want to grab her by myself cause there wasn’t enough staff around for me to get her safely. one of the docs stopped her and then we got some meds ordered for her. and i was shaking at that point so one of my coworkers gave the med to her for me. after that she slept most of the night.

4/6–better night at work, still had baker act. she was much better this night. still getting angry/anxious but it was okay.

4/7–actually had a good night at work. we had 8nurse on (a rare occurrence—normally it’s 6, and then 7 if we’re lucky). they did destaff one nurse. super lucky though i kept 4 patients throughout the whole night. no admissions i guess everyone decided to stay home lol i got to read “frugal wizards” for a lot of the night it was nice

one thing that fuckign pissed me off my ex emailed me last night just before midnight. this awful emotionally manipulative fucking bullshit email. i pissed me off enough to want to respond. (i didn’t i blocked and deleted the email—but god was i close to it)

from the bullshit email:

“ I've dated two people after everything and honestly it makes me feel sick like I'm cheating on you or something..”

“know you are my soulmate.and knowing I fucked that up between us kills me and makes me feel angry at myself and upset that I did hurt you.”

and i was telling my mom and ashley about it. and it just pissed me off so much because i don’t even feel comfortable trying to pursue a relationship. i’m so full of anxiety that it’ll end up like that one. even though i know better now everything that the relationship was and how awful it was is in the back of my head. my mom suggested counseling and ashley agreed with her but tbh i’ve never even thought of that before. idk that i’d feel comfortable doing that or even if i really need it. idk i’ve never thought of it before but i guess i’ll start thinking about it now.

i’m going to sleep. it’s been heavy.

[rosenallies]

Sick au with concerned/worried prompt 21. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” College Natalie isn’t being told the complete truth about her dads health 🥺 She comes home for spring break or something, already kind of suspicious because they hadn’t answered any FaceTimes from her for a few weeks. Synthia looks worse than he did the last time they Ft (or Skyped, trying not be an iPhone elitist lol)

I will be an apple elitist I actually saw this prompt come thru when I was in the Apple Store getting my new phone a few weeks ago right before I turned in my old one<3 I’m writing this for u bc u were right I haven’t written bratpack in a while so here u go my bratpack requesting bestie <3333

——

Natalie bounced her knee nervously sat on the bench outside the airport, the humid spring air around her felt almost as suffocating as her nerves.

Her parents’ car pulled up in front of her soon enough, Kendall in the driver’s seat and Gia in the passenger. Synthia was nowhere to be found, making her stomach twist in knots. It had been weeks since she had FaceTimed her parents and actually saw them. She hadn’t heard much of Synthia either, Kendall and Gia always claiming he was either asleep or at an appointment whenever she called.

“Hi honey,��� Gia called from the open window, waving her over. She noticed how they looked tired as did Kendall as he got out and helped her with her bags.

“Hi noni, hi daddy,” she said, buckling herself in the back, “where’s dada?”

She heard Kendall suck in a breath, his lips stretching in a counterfeit smile. “He’s resting at home.”

“Cut the shit!” Natalie snapped, surprising both her and her parents, “is there something you’re not telling me?”

Kendall looked at her in the backseat through the rear view mirror, his eyes were tired and slightly bloodshot too like he hadn’t been sleeping. “He’s not well, Nat.”

Natalie didn’t know what to say, apparently no one did because they rode the rest of the way home in silence.

When they pulled in the driveway, she nearly sprinted from the car, leaving them to grab her things. She made a beeline for her parents bedroom where she knew Synthia was likely resting.

The bedroom door was shut tightly as to not let any drafts in. Her heart beat hard in her chest as she opened the door, finding Synthia in the middle of the bed, curled up in the fetal position underneath the heavy blankets.

“Dada?” She whimpered, sounding so small and young.

“Nat?” He replied back, his voice crackly like it hadn’t been used in a while. It sounded painful.

She sat on the edge of the bed beside him, trying not to gasp when she saw him. He looked worse for wear than she ever remembered him to look. The last time she had FaceTimed him, he looked healthier. Right now, his face seemed gaunt and hollow, his skin pale and his lips cracking, she could even see a bruise on his bony shoulder peeking out from the collar of his oversized sweatshirt, meaning he must’ve fallen somewhat recently. She hadn’t meant to get up and leave the room right away, but she couldn’t bear the sight of him, thin and tired looking as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She said, Kendall and Gia standing in the living room, waiting for her to come confront them. “You promised when I went away you’d always keep me updated! You promised!”

Gia hung their head in shame. “We’re sorry. We wanted you to focus on midterms.”

“We thought it was for the best,” Kendall tried, to no avail.

“You know universities have policies in place for things like this! I would’ve come home, fuck the midterms!”

“Natalie,” Kendall warned, though as soon as he did, he mentally took it back. She had every right to be angry.

She softened, her shoulders slumping as she wrapped her arms around herself and sniffled. “I-I’m sorry, I’m so-he looks so awful. I’ve never seen him this thin before, is he even eating at all? And if he’s this bad why is he not in the hospital?”

“He can’t keep much down,” Gia answered solemnly, “and he was sent home from the hospital. They said there wasn’t much they can do there and he’d be more comfortable at home.”

Natalie wished that the thought that popped into her head would disappear but she couldn’t help her need to know. “Please don’t lie to me, is he-?”

Kendall knew exactly what she meant, he and Gia had the same hushed conversations in the kitchen many times lately. “We don’t know. His doctor’s been coming and doing home visits, he says he thinks it’s just a bad flare up and to call an ambulance if he has more trouble breathing but he hasn’t explicitly said he thinks anything’s terribly wrong. Except what we already know is terribly wrong.”

Falling into her daddy’s arms, he held her up as she sobbed into his hoodie, Gia wrapping their arms around them too, hushing her.

“It’ll be okay, sweetheart. Dada’s gonna be okay,” Kendall whispered, trying to convince her, himself, and Gia all at once.

[area51-escapee]

Early voting starts today here in Texas. And I feel worse than ever trying to make sense of all this.

I remember back to being 15/16, whenever Trump first started campaigning, and I remember how things were then. I understood easily the fact that voting for trump was voting for all sorts of bigotry, that voting for trump was voting for his ideals, and voting for trump made you responsible for what he did. It made sense to me, I’d say I internalized that, it still makes sense to me, and I still believe that to be true.

And that’s why I can’t bring myself to vote for Kamala Harris. I’ve tried to change my own mind, I’ve tried to convince myself that it would be a good idea, that I would regret it if I didn’t. But when I see the horrible things this administration has done, and then I see her repeatedly reaffirming that she will not stop sending arms to Israel, when I see her repeating the same “Israel has the right to defend itself” bullshit, and then I see the men, women, and children harmed by Israel’s so called “self defense”. I can’t do that. I cannot support that. I can’t be responsible for that. I wouldn’t be able to leave the voting booth and see more carnage knowing I supported that. I wouldn’t be able to face the people asking me for help with fundraisers knowing I supported this. It makes me sick, nauseous with guilt. I just can’t do it.

And it’s not as if her stance on Palestine is the only issue I have with her. I feel strongly about the fact she boasts about her border security being “stronger” than trump’s, that she plans to continue that fucking wall, that she’s just another democrat who has left the trans community behind. But even if my only problem was Palestine, I still feel it’s horrible and demeaning to say that makes me a “single issue voter”. It’s not a single issue. It is approximately 42,000 issues. Likely a lot more. And knowing that she will overlook that, that she will continue to aid in that. I just cannot bring myself to support that. I would feel responsible every single day.

The thing is I can understand the people who have weighed their options and decided that they are willing to vote for Harris because they believe it will be the best for the most people. I don’t fault people for that. What I can’t understand is the callous way that people disregard the very real concerns that people like me have with her. That people can’t understand why I would have such a hard time looking past destroyed homes and displaced families and toddlers hospitalized by air strikes. I can’t understand why more people aren’t as angry about this as we should be.

It’s hard to understand all this. And it’s hard to know that from my position, no matter what, I will still be fucked. Every week it feels like, another democrat up for election in some area throws trans people under the bus to gain the votes of people who hate us, including the one person I actually felt some hope about voting for. I have to rely on state elections to get me and the people around me anywhere, because regardless of who is in the White House, unless they enact things Nationally, we are still left behind down here, and as a trans person especially it’s become obvious that I’m only worth consideration by vicious transphobes who have made attacking us a priority, that elections alone won’t save us.

Elections alone won’t stop the horrible treatment of migrants at the border, it won’t stop cop cities from being built, it wont stop the death penalty, and it especially won’t stop the weapons being sent to Israel to enact horrific crimes. I wish it was enough but it’s not. And my only hope is that especially in the event that Harris wins the presidency, that people will still care, that people will stick to what they said about “pushing Kamala left”, that people will still be angry and still fight for the things that matter, but having seen the way things went after Biden was elected, I have a horrible feeling I know exactly how it’ll go.

[moosebloodtrash]

I’m hurting and I don’t know where to put it anymore. I watch sick pets get crazy amounts of donations, often far beyond their goal; meanwhile I’m four years into my job search. My teeth are rotting and I’m constantly sick, my family has abandoned me for being queer, and I’m trying to keep me and a partner fed on the amount of assistance for one person. Legal grey areas are hell when it comes to public services.

I have reached out for help over and over from in person resources and e-begging. I still have extremely little to no support. If one little thing happens in my living situation? I’ll go right on the streets 100%.

I remember the embarrassment I subjected myself to e-begging when I was literally starving, asking popular blogs to reblog since I was that desperate at the time and already hadn’t eaten in two days when I made the post. And this was six to eight years ago, longer than my job search. I am still struggling now to feed myself on so little while my partner’s relatives watch us starve and have gotten angry at us for asking for help with extremely small things like bus fare + yelling at us any time we’re taken to the store for “taking too long” to grocery shop. They have threatened to call the cops to throw us out on the street a good handful of times because we aren’t getting our lives together fast enough despite knowing nothing about the city we live in now + refusing to tell us where anything is or talk to us like adults to figure it out; it always results in us being yelled at for not already knowing.

We get yelled at frequently while in the bathroom if any of them need it at the exact moment we are in the bathroom. This is resulting in medical problems in both me and my partner. We cannot shower since we absolutely get yelled at for that too. I told emergency room staff what was going on at home but since there was no hitting involved the nurses dropped it and wouldn’t listen to another word.

I clean up after the family like I’m property. And I mean they shit and piss on the seat and then get mad at me when I tell them to clean up their mess. They cannot be asked to control their pets since the eldest relative has a little crazy dog that I have not done more than throw a shoe at because every time he sees anyone else in the house he runs at them with teeth out snarling and barking. This dog has known us for five or so years now and we keep being nice to him to no avail he keeps trying to bite us, chase us, or bark literally off and on at nothing or an open door for HOURS (I counted once and the dog barked from 8:34am until 11:26pm; yes I’m fucking serious.)

I was forced to watch my own cat pass away after I lost my income because one of the relatives thinks shelters are jail for animals and are somehow inherently cruel. Yes they were refusing to drive me to a shelter for my cat, literally looked me in the eyes and told me they won’t take me. So the alternative was watching my beloved cat of over a decade slowly degrade and eventually die at home of complications when it could’ve been avoided.

We have both had to argue for our literal lives due to negligence. My partner was entering sepsis from a separate issue and had to ARGUE with their parent to have said parent take them to the emergency room at all. Now theyre stuck with lifelong medical complications that could’ve been avoided. I had double pneumonia and had coughed some of my stomach into my esophagus, the older relative abandoned us at home with no car and no way to get help. My partner had to scream at their relatives to have them get me a lyft to the hospital and I was made to feel guilty over that too. According to the emergency room doctor I would’ve drowned in my own lungs that night had I went to sleep.

I just want to pass away at this point. No one cares about me and I’m tired of being in pain and smoking back to back just to cope with all of this. I hope for mercy and a bullet to my head.

[adinosaur444]

I know this is really personal and might not garner a lot of attention, but this is really important to me and I really wanted to share.

On September 21, 2022, I decided that alcohol did not serve me anymore. I had one final moment where a hangover mixed with being hospitalized for being really sick with a virus rendered me so violently sick that I thought I was going to die. I had called an ambulance on myself. Between being sick from the hangover and the virus that I didn’t know I had at the time, I was so dehydrated that I started to hallucinate and hear voices in my own home. Hallucinations have never once happened to me before this moment, nor have they happened to me since. But that was enough to scare me straight and look at myself in the mirror, and realize that I need to make a change. If I didn’t stop, I was inevitably going to kill myself.

I’m thankful that I never got to the point that so many of my blood relatives have reached. They are incredibly sick to the point they now need intervention in order to rid themselves of the use of this poison. I was never physically addicted. I was never a full-blown alcoholic. However, I was an extremely problematic drinker. Happy? Fuck yeah, let’s get drunk. Sad? Fuck it, let’s get drunk. Angry? Fuck them, let’s get drunk. I was a very serious binge drinker(also struggled with severe binge eating issues which didn’t help), and I could go great length of time without drinking. But every single time I would, I would take it from 0 to 1000 within an hour. I would blackout almost every single time I drank. And it was not okay. I was also overeating to the point I would get sick. Also, not a coping skill. But I forgive myself, because now I understand that those were dopamine seeking behaviors. And after years of being misdiagnosed, treated badly or not treated at all, and being prescribed the proper medication for what I was REALLY suffering with, I can see those behaviors for what they really are now. I was self-medicating with quick bursts of dopamine, because my brain does not make enough on its own.

I have severe ADHD and have suffered massively because of it since I was a little girl. And my entire life I was beaten on a regular, almost daily basis by an alcoholic father. I was pinched, slapped and dragged across the floor by my hair by my mother. I was bullied and belittled by my own family. I was bullied in school by my peers and teachers who would laugh along. I was bullied by my own pediatrician who would call me a fat child and tell me I was going to die when I had no bearing on the food that was put on the table as a child, AND, she was severely overweight herself. I was ignored by my mental health professionals as a child and school counselors, and reprimanded for my emotions instead of being helped and given an ear to listen. I was evaluated by these professionals and the diagnoses they told my mother wasn’t good enough for her because it didn’t fit her narrative. They listened to her and so I was placed on a cocktail of medication that made me suicidal at just eight years old. I was deemed a “violent and mentally disturbed child.” I was generally unlikable by everyone it seemed. I was made out to be the problem, when in reality, I HAD a problem. A very successfully treatable problem. And no one would help me. Until now.

It was excruciatingly hard to get out of bed and make the decision to make a couple of phone calls and go through the tedious back and forth with insurance companies and therapy offices before I landed the therapist and the psychiatric nurse practitioner of a lifetime. They are so near and dear to my heart, and have helped me immensely. I have taken accountability and changed behaviors that were not appropriate and have continued to work on myself regularly with them both. There is nothing I can say, or do within the remaining duration of my life that would be enough to thank them. They believed me. They were the first adults in my life who believed me and advocated for me, while I learned how to advocate for myself. It took me 29 years, but someone finally believed me. I will never forget them or be able to repay them for the amount of empathy and compassion they have shown towards me. They’ve been there throughout my struggle with mental health and getting things right for the first time when everyone else got them wrong for almost thirty years.

But I have only been medicated for my ADHD for about three months or so. I have done so much in these last three months. But I remind myself that there were nine months before getting this proper treatment that I was also sober and not on the proper medication, and I still managed to survive 100% of every difficult, strenuous, uncomfortable, and miserable day that I have had. I came out on the other side, pretty battered and exhausted, but I still did it. And I’m so proud of that. Being on the proper medication is just the icing on the cake for me.

It’s easy to get to the end of the year and feel like you haven’t really done much with your life. I have felt that way for most of my life. But this has been hands-down, the best year of my entire life so far, I can only imagine what my future will bring me. To reflect on this past year, there are some things that I accomplished that made me realize that I did so much more than I thought I did. Alcohol was not the only thing I removed from my life. Around that same time, I removed a karmic partner who was in my life, and was the physical, human embodiment of a giant, walking mirror. This person and many others helped me realize how wounded and traumatized I was inside. The fawning and people pleasing behaviors as a result of my C-PTSD was just so intense that it blinded me from my worth and having respect for myself. I thought that if I took it as a challenge to chase people to try and get them to like me, it would validate me. But what happened shortly after removing certain ties and revoking access to me from certain people, I realized that those people were not happy with themselves and were only happy if they could strip me of my confidence. I changed the phone number that I’ve had almost my entire young adult life, and that revoked access to me not only for those people, but to blood relatives and other past friends. I have since had men approach me, and try to use the same tactics of manipulation and abuse. But unluckily for them, I can look at them, and I know exactly who they are now. PTSD has no known cure, but the work I have done in building myself up and not allowing anyone to tear me down-myself included-has proven fruitful. I have no interest or desire in a trauma bond, and the connections I have now are incredible, and healthy, with open and honest communication. No silent treatment. No lashing out. No screaming. No anger. Just love, and occasional but healthy disagreements. And I’m thankful for them every day of my life.

I have lost a significant amount of weight. The urge to binge eat, or binge drink alcohol has completely dissipated. I have been trying to be more mindful of my health since I know I won’t be young forever. I have gotten a couple of extremely meaningful tattoos. My skin has cleared and done a complete transformation. I had my first and only cosmetic procedure done and it has boosted my confidence. I have bought myself flowers and taken myself out on countless dates which has set a standard that I refuse to lower because I know what I deserve. I have celebrated myself and all of my milestones. I got in touch with my artistic side again. I have regained my childlike wonder. I am able to sit still, and watch my favorite shows, movies, animes, and really enjoy them without guilt. I have gone to multiple comedy shows and found an unconditional love for stand-up. I have learned to accept help from my friends and my mentors. I can sit still and observe the world and everyone in it for what it all is. I have naturally attracted all of my blessings, gracefully learned all of my lessons, and allowed people, places, and things, to wander off and leave without a sense of urgency, or lack without them. What’s meant for me has found me. And what’s meant to be, doesn’t necessarily mean it was meant to last. And health, longevity and stability is what I am attracting now in all aspects of life.

I have stepped out of my comfort zone and achieved goals that I was under qualified for, but I did it anyway, and had fun along the way. I learned that you have to be nervous or uncomfortable in order to receive the change that you need in your life to advance yourself. I have read books and have had countless hours of research to heal my traumas and be the best version of myself. I have done the digging to understand philosophically why people try to hurt other people, or take out their hurt on the people that they love. And I understand it now. Though it doesn’t justify what they’ve done to me, I forgive them. Not for them, but for myself. Because people who deliberately try to hurt me or sabotage my growth and my blessings do not deserve, and will no longer have access to me ever again. And I am at peace with that.

I could go on and on. And if you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you. You are not obligated to read or respond. This is for me to remind myself that I was never a burden. I was never a mistake. And I was always loved and wanted. I just haven’t met the one who would be there to remind me of all these things. But this year I finally met her and that girl is me. And it’s been me even after all this time. I amaze myself every day and I will continue to do so until the day I go back home.

Above all else this year, I have regained my faith in God. I see irrefutable proof out and about in the world time and time again sending me sweet little reminders that I’m not alone. Never was and never will be. I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. And every tongue which rises against me in judgment, I shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord.

One year, many more to go, God-willing.

Thank you.

A