#call me when it's bones time
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#remember when we got the whole firefam in on the fun curse shenanigans?#i'm so ready for buck to stop being sequestered with randos#at least eddie got to be involved this time#call me when it's bones time#staying positive but boy am i tired of good episodes having a low rewatch value because they're forcing these randos#ANYWAY#should not have skipped dinner because i am grouchy
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she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh
#one piece#trans!sanji#sanji#kiku#yamato#ワンピース#I'm practicing my japanese shhhhhh#(日本語のペラペラ人:俺は文法とか書く方とか間違ったら教えてください😅ありがとうございます)#translation:#Yamato: I'll be able to get as strong as Oden?#Sanji: Probably... 🤔#[meanwhile Kiku is remembering the time in the hot spring]#(Sanji: Nami-chan!!!)#(Nami: Shut up!! The women's bath is supposed to be a peaceful place!)#Kiku: I am also ⚧️ ... o.o#(y'all english speakers had me all to yourselves for a decade it's about time I start to also sometimes make stuff in my next language lol#notably for media *from* that language#same as it made sense to make fan content in english for [american superhero franchise we don't talk abt anymore] back in the day#(happy seasonal reminder that Ren Is Not A Native English Speaker and This Is My 5th Language hi 😅))#while looking up reference for this I learnt that the straps to tie back the kimono sleeves are called tasuki#also I decided yamato get big muscles cause he got them kaido genes in im (I also gave him his dad's young-man-facial hair)#the more I do transition projections for one piece characters while tryna adhere to the style the more I learn that sometimes stylisation#uses bones less as literal determinants for where things go and just kinda exaggerates shapes based on vibes alone instead#meaning trans characters' bones wouldn't literally stay looking the same in that stylisation in the way they do irl#they'd get exaggerated differently based on what the surrounding stuff is doing#I still think oda's transition demonstration when we first met iva was unreasonable even with that in mind tho
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Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...
Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#“alright talk to me what do we got?” with the camera following behind them makes it seems like theyre spies doing reconnaissance#the start to a thriller where they got sent to finland stake out for intelligence#maffhew not even waiting for sasha to answer before hes asks about chocolate#“the purple one you always bring” maffhew has been charmed by sashas leaving choco in stalls as gifts when he comes back from finland huh#you can tell he says that with depravity of a man who finally realises he doesnt need to rely on his supplier he can get it himself now#“uh oh [laughs] okay... what is this?” maffhew was not prepared for all the food to already be ready for him he just hopped off a plane and#expected to have to wait more and did not and absolutely does not trust the situation in the same way you get romantic candlelit-dinnered#and youre like alright whats all this then whats your angle what are you doing#“this is salmon and rye bread 😄” “(with the eagerness to prove hes smart and engaged) so is that 👉” “(charmed) and so is that 🫱”#“ill try your favourite first�� GURL RELAX OKAY SETTLE DOWN YOURE IN A NEW COUNTRY JUST CHILL MAN#“salmon and rye bread—thats the famous one 🤓” [sasha nodding along because he has to reassure maffhew but also hes in the middle of eating]#maffhew choosing the most inopportune time and you can TELL sasha is like [swallows quickly] because he wants to answer but also BIG BITE#“herring” “herrin' 🤠?” “eating all this her-RING” no notes#“is this just another salmon on rye bread” he says with hope because he likes salmon but also disappointment (he wants to try more foods)#“different salmon? smoked?” the amount of questions hes askijg because hes so terribly engaged he wants to know and sashas like [shrug]#he has to get an A+ in experiencing finland which is normal to want and possible to achieve#“i still love your country though” and sasha explodes into the mirthful grin ive seen in my life like he just won the damn jackpot#he speaks at 100 mph like please take a deep breath sweetheart youre excitement is papable but PLEASE#THE WAY HE GETS SO UNSURE WHEN HE MENTIONS BARKY HATES THAT FOOD WHEN HE LIKED IT SO MUCH#MAFFHEW YOU CAN GET A PASSING GRADE IN EXPERIENCING FINLAND IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS I PROMISE#SASHA HELP A GUY OUT HERE MAN THROW HIM A BONE#SASHA ONLY LAUGHS AS MAFFHEW THROWS HIMSELF INTO A TIZZY OVER THIS YOU ARE SOOOOOO#the chuckle when sasha mentions he had runebergin torttu in school... id like to know what was funny there#we call out sasha for being too lovesick and laughing at all of maffhews “jokes” BUT HES JUST AS BAD???#“what the hell do i do with this thing?” MAFFHEW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MERENGUE IN YOUR LIFE???
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it is healing to come onto this blog and see basic respect for diasbility after being in other corners of the fandom and reading the words “snowkit could never be a warrior because he wouldnt know what anything is. he wouldnt even know what a clan is because nobody could explain it to him” said in full seriousness
Im..... That statement is so ableist I cannot even imagine the worldview you'd need to have in order to come up with that.
They really think the only way anyone learns anything is through verbal-speaking-words-noises? No one has ever observed something before? Not even once?
This is beyond touching grass, this person just fell out of the fucking Jurassic Period when all they had was ferns and stegosaurs.
I just...
OH YES. I remember my first day of Society Lessons as a hearing person, where the everything was explained to me. Via Audiobook. FIRST they spoke and said, "you are standing on the ground." It was a life changing revelation, and the world began to spin.
But it did not stop.
THEN they said, "there are fingers on your hands." The sensation of flesh and bone crackling into existence is indescribable, but I did not yet know pain, until they told me, "that hurts." I began screaming immediately.
And yet... it continued.
They explained so much. Chairs. Tables. Walls. The sky. Frogs. Ionizing radiation. Breathing. I was told all of it, in one sitting, and only then did I understand. Only when my ears were bursting with normal hearing knowledges, did they begin... my final test.
A strange wall-chair-finger emerged from the sky-of-the-wall, stood on the ground several times, until it was in front of me. A second one came behind it, this one slimmer. The audiobook gave these things names;
Human. Father. Mother. Door. Walking. It was completely impossible to know what these things were until that very moment.
I watch a human dip a hook into water and produce a fish, and I recall my Society Lessons where they called that "fishing." I am decked in the face by a nefarious hooligan, and I have only the audiobook to thank when I know I have been "punched" by a "bad guy." It was only the magic of verbal-speaking-words-noise that made me understand that there are "other people" and that they "do stuff."
Sometimes, even, in "groups."
Before the Society Lessons Audiobook, I knew nothing. I was pure, innocent, uncorrupted by concepts such as "parents" and "door." I am grateful every day that there is no such concept as "being shown things" or "simple logical reasoning" or "looking."
Blessed be those amongst us who escape the horrors of the Society Lessons Audiobook. I pray that you never learn what anything is. Be free! Free as a bird, which also knows nothing and famously cannot learn. 🤗
DEAF/HOH FOLLOWERS I'm losing my mind do you want me to bump a 'Hearing Disabilities Herb Guide' to the top of my priorities? Something you can use to bludgeon whackadoodles like that. This is ridiculous
Obviously not a MEDICINE guide but like; common causes of hearing disability in clan cats. Accommodations for hearing loss vs congenital deafness. Actual difficulties of not having that sense Clan-by-Clan. Debunking of misconceptions like... not being able to learn APPARENTLY.
#bone babble#Fennelposting#Obviously the answer is 'theyre incapable of THINKING' but like... they do know snow has a line right#In the book. He figured out. A word. Through observation.#He says 's'all right' because he knows it calms ppl down#He did not need to hear the magic words 'You can make noises at others to influence them'#Like a fucking tutorial tip#Im going to start keeping a JOURNAL of ''times people have been weird about snowkit specifically''#Ableism#cw ableism#I could also link to the pawspeak thing so it's all in one place#I wrote this last night and put it in the queue and I laid awake thinking of this...#What do they think happens when someone goes to another country where things aren't written/spoken in a language they know?#Do they think they wouldn't be able to figure out anything? Do they think the tourist would just perish#Would they collapse in the streets of Berlin sobbing?#Happened to me. Went to England and they called it a Car Boot Sale instead of a Flea Market and I died to death#AND if I did make that guide please tell me if there's any other weird misconceptions you need to see in it#I know that ONE of them is going to have to be that. like. deaf people make noise.#theyre actually quite loud because they don't know they're making noise#and people with hearing loss do not suddenly forget how to speak.#and people born deaf dont talk like cavemen#cw body horror#tw body horror#EDIT: OOPS sorry I have such an astonishingly tolerance for body horror I did not realize that counted as body horror
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SUPAH MARIO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#qkdraws#id in alt#first time drawing all of these guys i think#Maybe i've drawn bowser ???i don't think so tho#the three lil guys in the middle were requests from my friends iirc :]#started this back in november whoops VIEYAVA#super mario bros#smb#princess peach#bowser#dry bones#idr what the fire guy is called. hashtag Fire Guy. there#thwimp doesn't even have his own tag.poor guy#idk why im even tagging them. fuck u imtired#fun fact when my friend suggested i draw the thwimp i didn't know what a thwimp was so i googled it in a crazed haze#cuz i was like ''THWIMP ???HE'S CALLED THWIMP???''#and the actual google search was in all caps ''MOTEHRFUCKIGN THWIMPO'' letter for letter#still in my history.makes me giggle#please zoom in on the Special Luigi at the top. the intricacies of his design and pose will astound u#more mp200 comin dw#mp200 ...................sequel ??#i've fallen into the starting-millions-of-projects-and-finishing-none-of-them kinda hell#don't usually do that i typically finish stuff#i will crawl outta here ...one way or another
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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Bones. Bones.
How have you NEVER HEARD of The X-Files before? Very popular 90s TV show. Very. Very. Very Popular. Next you'll tell me you haven't heard of Xena: Warrior Princess.
Yes Mulder/Sculley was a ship. it was Such a huge ship that the ship *coined the phrase shipping*.
that is all thank you for coming to my mini-talk, this has been a brief foray into Fandom History. o7
Simply said, I was born in the 2000s, I don’t think I’ve ever heard X files ever mentioned besides in passing.
When I replied saying I was offline as a kiddo I truly meant it, ya girl only had books, the outdoors, and art as things to do. I think X Files is some supernatural/alien type thing right? That’s why it’s “X Files” because it’s what would be in conspiracy theory type censored government documents???
With the “check back for bites” thing, like are the aliens like zombies?
And what it COINED THE PHRASE SHIPPING? That’s so rad I absolutely have to read the history of that, that’s so incredibly neat my dude holy hell
#genuinely infodump to me I’m so intrigued#this is the same experience when I told folks I know genuinely nothing about Half Life and Zelda#i Know a little more about tv shows than videogames but it’s very very close to minimal knowledge#genuinely. my friends irl joke about how I live under a rock because I haven’t been to almost any fast food places or watched __ movie -#or __ tv show. it’s so fun because I have done a ‘what you DONT think if heard of (obscure af media)’ and they go-#‘YES WE DONT THINK YOU KNOW BECAUSE 1/30 TIMES YOU KNOW ABOUT IT’#even when it’s SUPER popular#i played a game with pals that was called Blockbuster and was about naming movies as fast as you can#it’s so bad that my twin and I had to split up with each other because we collectively both knew nothing#I DID WIN ABOUT ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIES THO#to my older sister who does a lot of bodybuilding and made me research a bunch on the man tysm#bones replies
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Fuschia/Magenta?
#*deep breath kicks down uni door*#VERN!!! VERNIFRED!!! I GOT A HUGE BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!!!!! YES YOU!!!!#“we're only gonna read 1 chap of Don Quixote because it's too much to dive into.”#THIS COMING FROM THE MAN WHO MADE US READ THE ENTIRETY OF DANTES INFERNO#WHO MADE US WRITE 20 PAGE ESSAYS ON THE ODYSSEY#WHO MADE US FOLLOW HIS CANTERBURY TALES HYPERFIXATION FOR NOT 1 BUT 2 SEMESTERS#DISSECTING EVERY. FUCKING. CHARACTER. ACTION.#MAKING ME RESENT CHAUCER TO WHERE I COULDN'T WATCH A KNIGHTS TALE FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT#one of my all time favorite movies btw YOU MADE ME HATE THE THING I LOVED VERNIFRED#and you had the GALL to say the class only had 1 chap to dedicate to Don Quixote?#YOU MY FRIEND JUST DIDN'T WANT THE CLASS TO LOSE THEIR SHIT LAUGHING EVERY OTHER CHAPTER#IF YOU'RE AROUND HUMAN HAPPINESS YOU'RE LIKE A WORM DISCOVERING THE BAIT SECTION AT WALMART#ITS EASY TO READ FOR A CLASSIC HAS WIT IS BITTER SWEET AF IS TRAGIC IS FUN AND MAKES YOU WANT TO HAVE CRAZY MAN BIG DICK ENERGY#WHEN YOU HAVE A FOOT IN THE GRAVE#and the banter...THAT SHIT ROCKS#AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THIS CAUSE OF MY OWN HYPERFIX WITH LUIS AND I'M READING FOR RESEARCH#these stories FUCK#I AM SO MAD#SO SO MAD MY PEERS AND I GOT A TASTE OF SOMETHING THAT WOULD'VE KEPT US ENGAGED#AND I AM MAD THAT I RESENTED THAT CLASS SO MUCH THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TOUCH THE CLASSICS FOR A WHILE#and that it took me until I'm 31 WRITING A DAMN FANFIC IN MY SPARE TIME TO READ THE ENTIRETY OF WHAT I FUCKING MISSED OUT ON#astarion voice: IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!!!!#vernifred...can i can i call you vern?#look...i love you. you were one of the most humble profs i had i looked forward to going to class every mon and tues for lecture and reading#i get the hyperfixations my guy i really and truly do#BUT I STILL RESENT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR THIS ONE#i finally get why luis loved this shit so much too and im seeing more connections with re4 now and it feels like the cherry on top of it all#vern....just....SIGH....GIVE THE DON A CHANCE MAN#FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN WHO WILL BE IN YOUR CARE#YOU KNOW...YOU JUST...MAKE ME...GRRRHFHFHHDJDJ!!! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
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HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANDWERED AND I AM FREAKING THE HELL OUT RIGJT NOW YOU GUYS DONT UNDERTAND MAJOR FUCJING AHSOKA SPOIKERS AHEAD
GUYS WE GOT THE FUCKING CLONE WARS FLASHBACKS IM PHYSICALLY ILL WE GOT TJE SIEGE OF MANDALORE IVE BEEN NEEDING TO SEE IT IN LIVE ACTUON EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW IT OMG THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME ALSO REXARONI MY BELOVED CLONE CAPTIAN I LOVE YOU AND YOUR LIKE 20 SECS OF SCREENTIME SO MUCH I DESPRATELY NEEDED TO SEE YOU ALSO ANAKIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
ALSO WE GOT MORE FUCKING PURGILS!!!!!!!!
I will legally adopt jacen like this kid is growing on me
This episode hurt me in like 20 different ways btw <3
Also: CLONES CLONES CLONES CLONES CLONES CLONES CLO-
Also they said it was one of her first missions during like the first flashback but that outfit was from like s3????? Honestly I hope the reason is bc putting a child in a tube top and well just that entire s1 outfit is weird and not bc it was just a costuming error
On a similar note, ANAKINS CLONE WARS ARMOR LOOKED SO GOOD?!?!?!?! LIKE-
Also I LOVE Hera so much like she’s so mother
Anyways in other news: NEW AHSOKA OUTFIT NEW AHSOKA OUTFIT IT LOOKS SO GOOD YOU GUYS I ADORE IT IT LOOKS SO COMFY I WANNA COSPLAY SO BADDDDDDDDDDDD
so anyways how’s your Tuesday evening going?
#i totally didn’t cry#I so wasn’t absolutely freaking the hell out during those flashbacks no sir#this episode inflicted PAIN#SLFKGGJSKAKQLSLDKAKA#star wars#ahsoka spoilers#anakin skywalker#anakin#ahsoka#textpost#ahsoka tano#ahsoka series#ahsoka Disney plus#ahsoka ep 5#once again making my father think there’s something wrong with me via ‘overreacting’ when MY BABYGIRL AND HIS LITTLE SISTER ARE LITERALLT#FIGHTING EACHOTHER AND GOING THROUGH SCENES ABD BATTLES THAT I LOVE LIKE IVE CRAVED THIS SHIT FOREVER#this episode is going to be rewatched so many times by me I can feel it in my bones#this episode called me too attached to fictional characters in 20 different languages#I wanna bite somebody#captain Rex#Rex#clones#clone captian rex#commander rex#I was kinda hoping to see my beloved obiwan too but ig we can’t always get what we want#clone#clone wars#Star Wars the clone wars#the clone wars#siege of mandalore
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i always forget i have Healthcare System Anxiety until i have to interact with The Healthcare System and immediately just start screaming internally for days
#my mom obliterated her bones and the pre-surgery surgery post-surgery experience. the ER situation. moving 2 the woods#this is a vent post i forget my complaining tag#waited 30 mins for an ambulance & when we called back they were like ''yeah it hasnt been assigned to anyone & might be hours''#so i drove her to the ER with a migraine & ran over some pylons (cool).#stuck in the ER for 9 hours. took 4 hours for anyone to give her any kind of pain management. i caught covid#was supposed to get a call when she was out of her 2 hrs max surgery. was told i could call if i hadn't heard anything#5 hours later i called and was transferred 6 times - told she had been discharged - told she had never been registered at that hospital -#yelled at by a nurse for asking for patient information - eventually got the right department and was told oh yeah sorry she's in recovery#was supposed to find out if she could come home or not in 30 mins. 3 hours later theyre like OK come get her#i show up and the doors to that wing are. locked? and no one's there to unlock them?#apparently i was supposed to pick up the wall phone? and call a code they hadn't given me? spent 30 mins getting help from other department#to GET THEM TO OPEN THE DOORS. FREE HER RELEASE HER#finally i get in and she's OK SHES FINE except morphine doesn't work on her so that's. fine. bodies are good to have#we have reached shrimp colours levels of anxiety i am a walking talking stress migraine but she's doing ok. but holy fuck#kayvswords#also like she's black and all of her nurses and doctors have been white so feeling normal about all of it all around
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craving the touch of teeth on skin
#cicisays#hate being a bottom#just thinking about fangs being dragged across my throat is enough to get me going#the stinging and gnashing of teeth#groaning and shuddering#out of fear and anticipation#eyes stinging with hot tears as I gasp#call me ur little rabbit#eat me whole#or slowly#whatever you like#tell me how good i taste#the way red stains my fur only makes you hungrier#tell me you adore how i whimper and squirm#how your hands around my neck fills you up with heat#how the sounds of my bones breaking fills you with ectasy#lick at my wounds and pet me as i weep#run your hands over my bones so that i feel you in the very core of my being#i'm trying to let myself express my desires more whoops#its uh#its strange but good#not as bad as my brain always shamed me into thinking it was#but still an adjustement#at the same time#i don't halfass anything on feelings so now that I'm giving myself the room to feel it#i just wanna dive in headfirst#oh the poor little rabbit leaves himself open#what will happen when the wolves come out?#lmao jokes on you that's what i wanted
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i have to admit i think about mark blackthorn in "tales from the shadowhunter academy" at least once a week
#'helen julian livia tiberius drusilla octavian. and emma. you see? i have not forgotten. every night no matter what has happened during the#day no matter if i am torn and bloodied or so bone-tired i wish i were dead-#i look up at the stars and i give each star a brother's name or a sister's face. i will not sleep until i remember every one.#THE STARS WILL BURN OUT BEFORE I FORGET.'#'there is nothing wrong with ty but he is different and the clave hates all that is different.-#they will try to punish him for being who he is. THEY WOULD PUNISH A STAR FOR BURNING.'#'[tavvy] is so little. he won't remember dad or m- or his mother. he's the littlest thing. they let me hold his hand when he was born and-#his head fit into the palm of my hand. i can still feel his weight there even when i cannot grasp his name. i held him and i knew i had to-#support his head: that he was mine to support and protect. forever. oh but forever lasts such a short time in the mortal world.-#he will not remember me either. maybe drusilla will forget as well. i do not think so though.-#drusilla learns everything by heart and she has the sweetest heart of us all. i hope her memories of me stay sweet.'#'jules. my artist. my dreamer. hold him up to the light and he would shine a dozen different colors. all he cares about is his art and-#his emma. he will try to help helen of course but he is still so young. they are so young and so easily lost.'#'“helen julian livia tiberius octavian. and emma” mark whispered his voice low and revered. one simon recognized from the synagogue-#from the voices of mothers calling the children from all the times and places he had heard people call on what they held most sacred.'#“are you here to save me?”#i was unwell when i read that#i think about that quote so much#also also there's more#“i might as well be dead for all the good i am to my brothers and sisters.”#SOMEBODY SEDATE ME#honourable mention to simon's response: “'oh mark blackthorn what are they doing to you?' simon whispered.”#also “all that is good and true is lost.”#aaand#ok i am done now#have a nice day<3333#tales from the shadowhunter academy#tftsa#simon lewis#simon lovelace
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I’m always so fascinated by people’s bad roommate stories. I’m not sure I’ll ever live with someone I haven’t vetted extensively beforehand ever again
#every living situation where i’ve been assigned roommates randomly; i always seem to get one person who is an absolute angel#and 1-2 people who are honestly fucked up#i lived in halls 1 year of undergrad and everyone was kind of equally insane. honestly no one stood out as particularly bad#because everyone was just constantly screaming. i dealt with it by going home most weekends and getting noise cancelling headphones#3rd year of undergrad i lived in a suite which.. honestly was basically an apartment. had a living room/kitchenette; a toilet; a shower room#and 4 bedrooms#one of my roommates i’m still friends with to this day but honestly they were and are kind of a ridiculous person#like they were actively dealing drugs most of the year and their boyfriend was around most of the time and they would bone LOUDLY#and that’s the good roommate. so you can imagine the other two#one of the others.. honestly wasn’t a bad roommate; she was helpful and clean and civil#she was loud as hell though. she used to have attacks of insomnia and decide to rearrange her furniture at 3 in the morning#and we shared a wall. she also had an illegal pet rabbit.#our personalities just didn’t mesh well; like it became clear pretty fast that we were going to spend as little time together as possible#third roommate was loud; rude; annoying and gross. she’d be calling people at 7am just to yell down the phone to them about her problems#i was like who is picking up the phone to this bitch. she also picked up on my homosexual vibes in that way that homophobic straight girls#always seem to have; and was convinced i had a crush on her. and she bought a betta fish (allowed according to dorm rules) and then it died#because she didn’t want to take care of it properly. and she refused to do anything for herself#like she was always breaking shit and leaving it because she didn’t want to email or call maintenance. so then i’d have to do it#because it was always something we specifically shared. like a set of shelves she put a fucking 5lb shampoo bottle on. twice.#in grad school it was almost the same thing. one angel roommate who was kind of messy but otherwise fantastic#she rolled the best joints i have ever seen. and i still miss her cat cali#it was the men that were the problem. one was an international student who left after a month and bothered nobody#like to the point i didn’t notice when he moved out because he was so innocuous#the other two though….. so one of them started hooking up with my favourite roommate and immediately became SUPER annoying#the other one stole shit; left lights on all the time; left fridge and cupboard and freezer doors open; tried to guilt trip me#into giving him my weed; played mariah carey at 2am; never bought a single cleaning product or household item for the collective#unless you told him to…… he was even using my toothpaste at one point. like. sir.#oh and he was always dirtying other people’s dishes and cookware and leaving them in the sink for days. and leaving big chunks of food#in the sink. it was fucking gross#personal
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I've decided to get rid of my body, it only causes problems
#im sick and im not doing well about it#last night it started with runny nose and sore throat. now its added bodyaches. headache. and sleebiness#i hate bodyaches the most. like not being able to stay upright or walk because my bones ache is the worst#i shouldnt be able to feel all of my bones but here we are#ive slept literally all day except when i showered and called in sick to work for tomorrow#tomorrow wouldve been my fifth day at work. not great to call off this early#now that ive regained a little energy im trying to knit and watch the marvels and dimension 20#not at the same time#knitting is not normally a taxing activity but rn it feels like im fighting for my life#also my boss just left me on read when i texted her. cuz idk the protocol for calling out at this place so i just texted her#and ive been left on read. hopefully that wont be a problem tomorrow. cuz im too tired to care#ugh this body just loves being sick at the worst possible times#surely its not my fault for consistently not eating or sleeping well#anyway goodnight
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Super cool and healthy that the only way I can stomach having sex is getting so drunk I can hardly comprehend my surroundings.
#didn't happen today or recently but will again soon#it's a strategic game of timing my drinks around when I know they'll want to fuck#'they' is not one person obviously...#things aren't great in my head lol#I would have called myself a sex-neutral ace until the whole 'getting raped multiple times by my boss' thing#now I've got trauma and self-loathing#'just say no' well yeah we see how that turned out for me huh#easier to just be giggly and compliant#makes it less painful#keep small packets of lube in your purse and apply shortly beforehand so they don't know you're dry as a bone#focus on feelings and sensations everywhere else#let the alcohol numb the sensation where it matters and pay attention to the texture of the sheets#makes it easy... makes it go by quickly... don't look at the clock#I hope [name] knows he ruined me#I think he'd like that
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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