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chocolatedeerllama · 2 years

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Sad times

Beware: talk of suicide

Sometimes there's no way without seeing the sadness. The sweet David Mallard knew that some days were bad but others were either good or worst. It didn't help that he was a medical examiner (ME) but he could talk to the bodies like they could talk back but the do a bit with how the bodies got on his autopsy table.

It took a few months of all the autopsies to get use to seeing a lot of bodies. He used to be scared with seeing a dead body but now it's like seeing patients in a hospital. They show things that most people wouldn't see at first like if a body had scars, tattoos, piercings and other things.

The first body in his line of work was someone he kept close. David saw someone he thought he'd never see on his table.

His brother-in-law Jason committed suicide by hanging on his bed after being taunted for being the sweet young man he was.

The first thing Dr. Mallard was going to do were see the bruises around Jason's junk then cover it with a towel. David looked on Jason's chest and saw the small scars around his pecs like David where he had his transition to the man he is today. The second thing he saw were the scars were Jason cut on his wrists about seven months before he knew about his brother's harming. Jason had to get his anger out on something.

Seeing the names that Jason was called in the police reports from the last days in his life.

" Lt. Grant

-October 24 2014

Jason was called "a f*gget" by most of the kids in one Social Studies class.

-October 25 2014

Jason called 9-1-1 about the same kid who called him "a f*gget" wearing pink and staying near girls because they don't judge him for being who he is. Jason was so scared.

-October 26 2014"

The day before Jason's suicide.

Jason talked to one Social Worker Olivia Rollens and she took Jason out of his Social Studies class where he teached to disabled kids to talk about his feelings and the kids making fun about what he wore the last few days.

Lace arm wear, jeggings, a lot of pink and purple to show how happy he was being with who he is.

That night David didn't know that was going to be the last time he would see Jason alive and well. The last thing David told Jason was something he didn't know was the last thing that Jason would hear from anyone.

"Know that I love you and you're always welcome in this house anytime you need to talk. Good night Bro love ya."

The next day Henrietta; David's sister and Jason's wife came home after a hard night in the ER at seven and saw Jason's body on their bed with his belt around his neck too tight to think about; body cold, eyes closed like he was sleeping and she screamed while crying. "Jason committed suicide!!"

The note left wasn't sweet but gave closer.

"Sorry you have to see me like this but the kids at school now know that they're the reason for this. They took me to this stage of my life and they don't care. I've given you the last of my belongings to you and David (Ducky) will know that it's for you. If you need any help with anything you know who to call. (924) 555-7553 is the number you'll want to keep. And our three beautiful triplet kids (Aaron, Michelle and Thomas) will be happy to see their Uncle Dave a lot in their lives. If you could, would you be in the autopsy room to see what's there.

You might need a bit of funny business so just go to David for any laughing in any time. Know that he'll always have your back unless you do something that's you're at fault.

Love you Henrietta you beautiful wife and first love since the first day I knew that I wanted to love you since August 1979 until we meet again look at the good. You should know I want to be cremated; no casket for me. A small urn with a bit of bling will do. The rest of the money is yours. Always know I've loved you since we first knew about each other. And keep my ring you beautiful mess of my most treasured love and know that I will always see you as well as be with you on your ring finger."

Jason signed it with his signature with the check of the 25 thousands of dollars from his checking account under the letter. If they needed his passwords; he wrote them all down.

This is why David does what he does. He gives closure for those who lose someone. Most of the bodies that come in are of officers on call or out on the call, none of them committed the worst thing. Jason was the first of the many bodies he would see.

The worst bodies now are burnt and or suffocated but they say a lot about what happened to them even if they can't talk. They got their time to talk and show things.

The last one at this point in his career was an officer on call when she was shot.

Lt. Sara Bain was shot by a sniper when she was talking to her boss. Her body was preserved very well the few days before she reached David. At least the day she was killed her team wrote next to her body when she was shot and they also knew who shot her. They had the sniper in custody and Bain was wearing a camera on her protective gear. Her last words were "Now I thought I would die before I heard you say that Odafin said something right-"

Seeing in his own view of what happens out on the streets David knows what happens out there.

Now it's all clear. The first dead body David saw was his kitty back in 1949 when his 13 year old cat died naturally. Seeing his kitty's body was sad but comforting to know she died peacefully in her final sleep. Now the dead bodies he sees on regular and he doesn't flinch getting to see those bodies anymore. It's like seeing anyone normal. Talking during autopsies was soothing and it got him into a good attitude when he sees the bodies.

Talking is good. Getting the talks he's had for days in his head is best to get it out onto a new slab.

The latest addition in his family was a small kitten from a crime scene; this little deaf Maine Coon kitten with its black toe beans (one pink), his paws being perfectly big for the big baby he is. And the white tuft of chest fur on the kitty gave David the inspiration with the best name because the kitten was sweet but also a bit of a big cloud of farts. There went the best name; Beans. David laughed when he smelled the kitty's doings. Seeing the kitten got him to talk to the kitty about anything as if the kitty was his therapist.

The next day David went to the cemetery to see his brother-in-law's headstone and he sat for a good fifteen minutes. Talked nicely, just talking like he was still with them. The flower holder was open for new flowers to be put in so David thought about putting some in but Beans thought he'd be able to sit in it. David started to laugh a little bit at the kitten but it was all good laughing. If Beans' fits; he sits.

"If you were still with us you would laugh as well about this silly baby and his name is Beans because he toots a lot. I believe that he knows you're here since he trotted to your headstone and love bumped you. He must love you since I love you. What you did back then in the '80s with Hen was so sweet. About her; she's looking for a girlfriend and she'd think that you would want her to live her life fully."

It's like Jason's soul came down and covered David with a warm hug like he said 'yes, tell her to live fully.' Feeling that Beans slumped on Jason's headstone while purring paws out on top of it while making air biscuits. The kitten made the most satisfying purring and head bumping.

"You would love this little kitten Jason. Beans is starting to love seeing your headstone as if your soul went into him." Beans purred so loud the force of the love he fell over on the headstone. Eyes shut and the best nirvana in his life, happiness. Air biscuits all around for Jason's spirit to see all the good. "If only you didn't go Jason... Hen still thinks about you and even talks well about the morning she found you unresponsive and dead in the eyes. You would love to see anything about Hen and I being how we are now. Hen when to the fire department to be a half-time paramedic since she wants to be a general surgeon so she's trying to get her doctorate and see what she'll see at her half-time job. She's so close to getting her doctorate and thing she'll be called Dr. Henrietta Wilson RN and taking your last name. The world has one Dr. Mallard; it doesn't need another one. Hen found a puppy at work and she decided to keep the beautiful dalmatian at the scene of an accident and named that puppy Marshall. The puppy was so clumsy with it's big paws that he could always fall over to anything. Seeing Marshall trotting around like he owns the place is so cute.

David could see how Beans was acting around Marshall and one day after coming back from work; seeing them sleeping together with their tails tucked with each other and Beans' back to Marshall's chest. They were so happy to be with each other. Always so happy to be with each other.

#sadness #sad thoughts #9-1-1 fanwork

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heizerux · 4 years

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IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW— Hero :3

My ML NY Special review/thoughts

First things first, I love this whole intro sequence they had going for the special. Really takes me in for the ride that they’re going International. Anywhoosies, the following are majority of my thoughts as I chronologically had them as I watched the special.

Starting off: SPACE POWERS SPACE POWER SPACE POWERS :o

I know they’re just friends, but im just saying Chat, not everyone goes out of their way to research rose colors to give to their “friends” ;3

CONGRATS ON THE BABY MS. BUSTIER!!!!!!!! May we meet your baby in ANY of the next two seasons. :3

Sock Washington Adrien and Marinette’s growth :’3 I love the analogies for her good FRIEND she uses.

Nathalie in bed rest from the peacock miraculous low key makes me wonder if Emílie started there first before. . . Well, ending up out.

I LOVE that this is an ACTUAL post S3 film. Most special films are made with that “description” to be inserted in any season, but they always feel off with continuity in the main series. Here we carry on that that although Adrigami and Lukanette are in the steps of “building” towards something from S3. . . We see that Adrienette/Ladynoir is just . . . Not going away anytime soon :3

The Ladybug kitty beeper 🥺 I want one. Gimme

Plagg: See any supervillains around??

(Idk. Try below the house 😬)

I love to see Kagami. I see she’s supportive of Adrien and his feelings with toughness lol.

Not gonna lie I low key actually think it’s sweet that Luka is so supportive of Marinette in general? He’s such a secure and good guy. I really could never (I actually forgot about the salt and comments about how he’s bland while watching him in this minute he had lol) He wasn’t bad. He was just here.

Marinette lights up Adrien’s thoughts/problems and he doesn’t even know it lol Boy can go from “Oh no, Ladybug is gonna be so pissed” to “OMG Marinette is here :D”

In regards to Alya: I didn’t know NYC was a “romantic” city. I just thought it was “flashy” lol

The SUNSETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT VIEWEWWWW and the HUGHGGGGGGGGKVDXHHXHXEEEEEEEERRDUURUTXITCTICTCITUTXOCOHVURSUZIFDIEURJJUSDIFIAWEKVMMVVFJHSHTYETIFJCHgshjfjdufii—

Nino FINALLY said it 👁👄👁 “Adrien is a baby chick coming out of his shell”. He straight up called out his own bro on his absentness. . . #wokenino

Ok, Majestia’s badass. I like her in this a lot and she’s a MOTHERRERFVHDYSYHFJYSIRKG GC DFUKGJG—

Sorry. Better luck next year, Domacles 🥺

“IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN!!!”

Alya’s pointing XD . . . Annnnd Adrien missing the sign U_U

“The croissants are en route” BITCH I—

But Adrien, dear, PLEASE catch a hint :’3

No, Chloe! Don’t throw the mini Lafayette D:

I LOVE the new girls, Jess and Aeon so much

💕Sabrina x American Boy💕 that’s all. This matters to me

Kim found a buff friend to do buff things with🥺

We need a Hot Dog Dave in our real lives. A hero that brings free food. Hmmmm

Flying Adrienette . . . Dancing, together 🥺 UGH THEYRE SO IN LOVEEEEEEEE

Marinette AND Adrien’s Worst Continous ENEMY: Automatic Doors still

I’m trying SO HARD not to make anymore Hamilton references in this special 👁👄👁

American villains have the “common sense” Hawkmoth lacks. Technopirate:“Why do you want jewels? Don’t you want a bomb? No? Umm, okay?”

Chat Noir blowing his cover because Marichat!!!!!! Not gonna lie I found myself yelling a lot in excitement

. . . And THEN I found myself crying because seeing Ladybug being ACTUALLY LEVEL 9,000 mad at Chat Noir made my heart hurt. Ladybug chill 🥺

Lafayette was an American miraculous holder!!! 👁👄👁

These entire scenes. . . I don’t EVER wanna see them like hurt this again.

Oh yeah, Hawkmoth does stuff. The girls work to seek LB and CN as all adult heroes are going mad.

And the reunion 💕💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺💕💕

I just really love to see that even though they’re both “moved on” from their “love”, they keep coming back to and caring for each other. . . Those fist bumps are now equal to passionate Ladynoir kisses to me 🥺

LOOK AT THE AMERICAN HOLDER!!!!!!! I didn’t see this coming at alll and I’m fucking PLEASED with what we got. A Native American girl being a holder. *chefs kiss* I’m so freaking happy guys.

(Rip Paris but NY has bigger problems lol)

Omg Justicia and Knight Owl are together💕 I’m pretty sure that’s canon if you catch my drift 👀

Kind of an afterthought but I was a bit surprised to see the space powers shown kind of secondhand in this. I still hope to se them more in action within the show. Chat’s space costume looks gorgeous mimicking a night sky.

This special brought loves square fluff, hurt, super gays, more people of color, good insight on what the US is doing with their heroes, and a posible birth of more American holders? This isn’t even past the tip of the iceberg but this episode brought good stuff!!!!

10/10!!!!

#miraculous new york #ml New York #ml new york spoilers #ml new york special #ml spoilers #ml ny #ml ny special #miraculous ladybug new york special #ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #ml thoughts

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nightlight-stardust-and-rain · 4 years

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So I wanted to do a Homestuck HP au because I love writing about Homestuck. But like right now I don't have a lot of ideas so I'm gonna write whatever goes in my head.

John is a muggleborn. Everyone thinks he's a halfblood because when he talks about his dad people thinks he's a wizard (nope just a weird but cool muggle who took the magic thing very well). John doesn't correct them because honestly, pranking half of his classmates without even trying, that's something (he just want to see their faces when they realize). Also I think he would be a gryffindor. Oooor maybe a slytherin, but idk I don't see the "ambitious" side. No, gryffindor. Because pranks. He think he'd be very good at potions and charms ? Because pranks. Like you know you're better with subjects that are interesting to you. He really likes potion and charms because the amount of pranks he can do is like, unlimited. He's also good with a broomstick, even if he's not on the quidditch team : he likes to fly for flying, not for playing. He never really understood the problem with houses - or rather, the competition. He pranks everyone equally, that's all that matters (OK maybe he pranks more Dave and Karkat, but come on. Their reactions are priceless).

Jade is, I think, a half-blood ? Honestly, nobody knows, not even her : she doesn't remember if her grandpa was a wizard or not, and she remembers even less her parents. She grew up on a island (like in canon tbh) with Bec, who is a ex-wizard : he had a accident and he got trapped in his animagus form but due to the incident he sorta kept some of his powers (that's why he can still apparate) and, kinda, got the mind of a dog (still more intelligent than any dog, but not enough to notice that he was a wizard - he doesn't even remember bieng one). She's a slytherin ! Because she's really clever and kinda ambitious ? Like she really want to mix science and magic. She wants the magic world to know science ("guys, they don't even know what an atom is !!!"). Due to that, she's really fucking good with potions. The best of her years (of any year, really). While being a arithmancy and herbology genius, She's also pretty good in every other class tbh. Not really the best at flying, but she tries. Also she somehow learn to apparate when she's like 12 and everybody is stunned like HOW (and she's "oh my dog taught me !" "... WHAT"). She's very happy to be a witch but her scientific side SCREAMED when she learned the existence of magic. She can often be found staring at the moving stairs mumbling something about the physics laws.

Rose iiiiis... A pureblood. Come on. Like she grew up with magic traditions and such. She also loves the muggle's representation of wizards (it's very funny). She's SO a ravenclaw. That was obvious. Her mother is a famous witch (both famous for her acts of heroism during the last War (??) and also famous for being drunk anytime) and she doesn't really likes to be famous by association, but eh. She's obviously a Seer (like, a true one). She took divination and she fucking destroyed the teacher. Like she just looked at them with her superior smile (you know the insufferable one) and proceeded to walk out of class and never return (the destroying the teacher part took place at the exams when she got the highest score despite having skipped every divination period). She's really good in DADA and Alchemy and potions. Maybe sometimes she's a bit too close to the dark side of magic (*snort*) but eh she didn't killed anyone (yet). The only classes she's not good with is care of magical creatures : the creatures are all afraid of her (tbh it's because she tried to summon a eldricht horror once. She failed but the eldricht aura kinda stayed on her). She's very interested in vampires, but her interest may be personal rather than scholar ;)

Dave is, I think. A pureblood ? Tbh I really don't know where Bro stands. Since he's Rose's twin, he's obviously a pureblood, but he didn't grew up in the same place. Bro was the kind of wizard who was absolutely obsessed with muggle's technology so one day he just... Moved to the muggle side ? Idk. So here I'm really torn up between "Dave's shitty childhood and shitty role model is a important part of his character" and "I want Dave to be happy and have a happy childhood". Fuck it he' ll have a extremely weird but happy childhood (like. Remember before we knew that Bro was abusive and we tought that he was just a cool and really really really weird guardian ?). So he grew up in a mix of magic and technology : ofc Bro didn't hide he was a wizard, he used magic pretty often. Dave knows some things about technology but he kinda lacks... Basic knowledge. You know. Bro still taught him fencing (kinda was a family thing) but like. Low-key ? Like not before he was ten and Dave wasn't beat up, it was actual teaching (I just want Dave to be happy without PTSD, dammit). Also Dave is a hufflepuf (fight me). The beta kids are all the four houses (they think that's funny and they're kinda proud to be a multi-house group. XD amateurs just wait to see the trolls). When Dave got his letter, he was "... Bro. There is a magic community ??" "yes ? You didn't knew ?" "you never told me I tought we were mutants". Bro then realizes he never told Dave that he was actually a wizard, uh. Then "oh yeah your twin sister must be at hogwarts too" "I have a twin sister". Like. Bro legit forgot to tell him. Also Dave is absolutely fascinated by magic pictures. He's kinda good with classes because he's pretty smart but he's better with charms and DADA. He can fly (I mean with a broomstick of course) but he's not in the quidditch team. He took divination because he knows it's bullshit : it's for irony. He carries a camera everywhere because honestly magic pictures are so cool. He takes pictures every time because come on, Hogwarts is wonderful (he sends some of his pics to Bro who replies by "I know how Hogwarts looks, dumbass"). He also likes to take pics of his friends and also of this strange, huge group of friends who are not in the same house and who are indeed very strange and very differents but they stay together no matter what (yeah I'm talking about the trolls). Not gonna lie, he takes more pics of one of them... (yes I'm talking about Karkat. Because I ship DaveKat). He didn't realized he got a crush, the poor boy (also a lot less internalized homophobia because Bro is so gay. Dave's just takes a while to understand that he's Bi).

The trolls are a big multi-house group. Some of them knew each other before Hogwarts but mostly they were strangers who inexplicably and despite all their differences became friends the first day of school and stayed together for their whole life (it's Karkat. What keeps them together is Karkat).

And you know what I'm gonna do the ancestors before the beta trolls.

The Handmaid, Damara Megido (yeah they're keeping their post-Scratch selfs names), is Aradia's mother. She works at the ministry's time department (idk if it exists in HP so if not it's a department to regulate time travel and time traveling objects) and she's pretty great since she's the head of her department. She likes her work and she's pretty famous : both for her work, her magic skills (she's super fucking powerful) and her one-night stands (come on it's still Damara I had to). Actually Aradia comes from one of these one-night stands. She never hid it to her daughter. Aradia honestly doesn't mind. She's the type you would never expect to have a kid, but she's actually a good mother. She smokes a bit too much and maybe sometimes she forgets to cook but she tries.

The Summoner, Rufioh Nitram, is Tavros' father. He's part fairy and has absolutely no fucking clue about who was a fairy in his family but he doesn't really cares. His wings are cool, he likes to fly, talking to animals is even cooler. He's really chill about it. He never really felt ashamed of his wings, even when people tought they were girly. He's an auror affected to the department for control and regulation of magical creatures. He deals with dangerous creatures such as dragons. He loves his job. It's perfect for him : when he was a teen he was torn between auror (the action !) and the department [...] of magical creatures (the creatures !) but he got a mix of the two. He's proud of his son : he fully knows that being different can be hard and knows that his son is doing his best.

The Psiioniic, the Signless and the Disciple are in a happy poly relationship. Their kids Sollux, Karkat and Nepeta are actually triplets. The funny thing is that since they named them differently (Sollux is Captor-Vantas-Leijon, Karkat is Vantas-Leijon-Captor and Nepeta is Leijon-Captor-Vantas. Honestly their parents did that just to mess with everyone) and that most of the teacher's call list was only long enough to include the first of their last names, everybody at Hogwarts took like a year to understand that they were related and one more year to discover that they were triplets. That's exactly the kind of mess that was in their parent's mind when they named them.

The Psiioniic, Mituna Captor, is one of Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's dads. He's a sarcastic little shit who got a job with computers on the muggle side of the world (people are usually stunned when they discover that he's a pureblood). He's a parseltongue and has a yellow-blue-red snake named Gemini. Honestly the only reason why everyone doesn't know he's a parseltongue isn't because he hides it (he doesn't care about people's opinion) but because, as a very not talkative person, he talks to his snake (or any snakes) like he talks to people : rarely. He's trying to introduce technology in the wizard world. It goes slowly. He' s actually a good dad who may forget to eat and/or to cook sometimes and has bipolarity (wizards usually think it's a curse. He gave up trying to explain every time) but he loves his childrens and is so in love with Signless and Disciple that sometimes he embarrasses himself.

The Signless, Kankri Vantas, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's other dad. He's a half-blood and a Seer. Unlike Rose, he can't see the future, but the past lives. His past life or anyone's. He needs to touch people to See their past life and it's not really useful but he likes it. He's a teacher in Muggle studies : he was so appalled by the muggle studies in hogwarts that he decided to correct wizard's opinion on muggles. That's how he met Psii : he was trying to make a computer who could resist in Hogwarts (spoiler it exploded) and Signless was extremely interested (spoiler he lost his eyebrows in the explosion because he was too close). He kinda travels in various magic communities to teach them about muggle things that are very useful (he's not 'muggle are better than wizards'. Just 'we could learn so much from them and also the muggle are not a different species, we're all humans'). When his kids talked to him about their friends he laughed really hard and said "of course. You twelve are bound to each other after all". He's such a great dad. He loves his childrens so much and when he looks like he could explode you know he's thinking about how much he loves Psii and Disciple.

The Disciple, Meulin Leijon, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's mother. She's a author and journalist. She does documentary-like articles. Like about animals or nature. She's a muggle born who was raised by a nundu ! You know the leopard-like creature with spikes in Fantastic Beasts (It moved silently, despite its "gigantic" size and was considered by some to be the most dangerous creature alive. The breath of the Nundu was toxic and filled with disease so potent that it can wipe out entire villages of people. Source wikipedia). Her muggle village was wiped by said toxic breath. Her magic protected her and somehow the nundu adopted her *shrugs*. She lived with her until she was seven and a witch found her and took her to the wizard world. It took her time to learn to talk, write, read, behave like a human. But oh she loved writing. She loved the books and she loved the stories and she loved to read. She kept some things from her years with her mother (she won't call the nundu who adopted her anything else), like the ability to move very silently and the, well, wilderness and fight skills. Honestly everyone believes she's a werewolf. She's tiny and pretty but actually more dangerous than half of the ancestor combined (admittedly in this HP au they are physically weaker or just not used to fight). So she writes reports about magical creatures and animals, she write books (her best book is an autobiography : everyone believes it's a fiction because of the adoption by a nundu thing). Sometimes Signless helps her to find a good story because you wouldn't believe the crazy things they did in their past life : he tells her, and she writes a book with that basis. Sometimes she works with the department [...] of magical creatures because she knows a lot about magical creatures and she understand their mind you know. Sometimes she works with the Summoner. They make a good pair and are very good friends.

The Dolorosa, Porrim Maryam, is Signless' adoptive mother, Karkat's, Sollux's and Nepeta's grandma and Kanaya's guardian and relative. She doesn't look that old because she's a vampire. She's Kanaya's ancestor, but literally. She must be like +600. She's really wise and really cool and also she can kick your ass easily. She lived in both worlds (muggle and magic) and lived in every country. She knows almost everything. Really she is just super badass. She adopted Signless when he was like 3 months. She greatly influenced him and his ideas. She's a very supportive mom and guardian. Also she uses a chainsaw. She's a bit of a legend everywhere honestly some people don't believe she exists.

Neophyte Redglare, Latula Pyrope, is Terezi's older sister and guardian. She's a auror (duh) and one of the best ! She's also a part-time lawyer and she's feared. With reason. She is Terezi's role model ! Redglare is very proud of her little sister and think that she will surpass her one day. Her and Psii are good friends even if they have nothing in common except their tendencies to sarcasm (Signless says they get along well because they dated in another life. They both gagged at that).

Spinneret Mindfang, Aranea Serket, is a fucking criminal. That's all. Like. She's a rich pureblood who leads a sort of magic-muggle mafia ? Like she does things on the muggle side and on the magic side and her group has wizards and squibs and muggles (who of course know about magic. When you're breaking laws everyday, what's one more ?). Her group works with magic methods as well as non magic methods - that's kinda why she never got arrested. Muggle police can never find them because magic, and aurors usually don't know where to search on the muggle side. She's feared everywhere and she's Redglare's principal target but she's not worried about being caught. She's not a really good mother to Vriska - she loves her daughter but she's a bit neglecting ? Like sometimes she's not home for a week or something. Also she has a pet acromentula.

Darkleer, Horuss Zahhak, is a black-Smith who lives in the same magic town as The Nitram, Maryam and Captor-Vantas-Leijon. He's a pureblood from a high family but he somehow get kicked out and ended up being a blacksmith. He actually, truly loves his job and while being Greatly ashamed (sweating) to have been kicked out of his house, he actually thinks that, hadn't he been kicked out, he would never have found his true vocation. He's very very awkward but his son doesn't mind since he's also very awkward. He's a good dad who teach blacksmithing to his son (while trying to erase the "better than anyone" way to think that his House teached to his son). He's friends with Disciple, she thinks his awkwardness is cute and he's kinda fascinated by her wilderness - they come from totally opposed sides after all.

The Grand Highblood, Kurloz Makara is a pure mystery. Is he wizard ? A muggle ? Is he at least alive ? Nobody knows.

Orphaner Dualscar, Cronus Ampora, is a pureblood who was a little shit when he was young (see post-scratch Cronus) but somehow (spoiler he pissed off the wrong person) he got his wand broken on his teens and he was dropped in the muggle world. Since he didn't knew what to do he ended up being in the marines by accident. It was hell for him. He fought a war, a muggle war, and saw what muggles can do. Years after his PTSD is still here. That's where he got his scars. After the war he succeeded to come back to the wizard world. He got a new wand and still had his family's name behind him but he still had the war in his bones. He never talked shit about muggles again and while being very scared of them he's also kinda fascinated - he had a sort of rifle harpoon (harpoon rifle ?) in the marines and it felt more right than his wand. He had Eridan like a year after being back. He panicked at first of course but he did his best to be a good father (he didn't had the best parents either) and kinda dropped everything to take care of his son. He's a very good dad even if he had to hire a cook because he can't cook to save his life. He later adopted Feferi and he has no clue why he did that but he loved her as if she was his biological daughter. Now that Eridan and Feferi are at Hogwarts he's searching for a job (spoilers he'll end up being Disciple's secretary because she's absolutely hopeless with planing and such and also he helps her with her books because he knows some things she doesn't about the muggle world or the army. He'll end up writing his own book - an autobiography)

The Condesce is the queen of the Selkies. Just. The queen. She's not a very good mother since she drooped Feferi in a magic orphanage after having her with a human.

now the beta trolls !

Aradia is a half-blood. She lives with her mother and their house is in the middle of a magic graveyard. Aradia grew surrounded by graves and ghosts, and she loved it. Some ghosts were around often, to visit their own grave or their family's grave. She talked to every one of them ! And they all had stories to tell ! And (and one day when she was little she met a woman with gray skin and eyes glowing of diferents colors and she had ram horns and she wore a green dress and she asked Aradia "tell me about yourself" Aradia told her about her mom and how she loved talking to ghosts and how her mom is the best with time problems and how they both are happy and the grey lady cried rust red tears and said she was relieved to know that at least in this universe they could know happiness and she vanished and Aradia never forgot her). She's a little spooky and also every ghost loves her, even Peeves ! That's, like, her own power. She can do necromancy and she thinks it's super cool. She doesn't talk about it outside of their group because she knows that even if her friends have no problems with that, the magic society isn't that accepting. She's gryffindor, even if the hat seriously considered Ravenclaw. She really like the dark red of gryffindor (that reminds her of the red eyelashes and red lips and red tears of the grey lady with ram horns who never came back but is somehow still with her). She' s really good with charms and DADA. she's not very good with herbology, every plant she touches seems to age a bit too fast. She's very good with flying ! Maybe a bit too risky. She's beater in the quidditch team ! She's animagus. A ram ! She loves it (and she swears she heard a laugh in the back of her head and she knows that was the lady with ram horns and rust red lips even if she never heard her laughter)

Tavros is a pureblood who grew in a magic town. He was kinda bullied because his family somehow got fairy blood - that's why his father got wings (Summoner is proud of his wings and doesn't see how having fairy blood makes you feminine). He had a disease who got him paralyzed. The Zahhaks built him a sort of magic-mechanic thing who helped him to walk but he still has to use his wheelchair sometimes. He can control animals and talk to them (he can't control people who are part animal and creatures who are sentient but he can talk to them). His father says it comes from the fairy blood. Despise being kinda bullied because being part fairy is "girly" he's still proud of his fairy blood like his father taught him ! (also it's hard to think that being part fairy is girly when your father is the Summoner). I'm so torn between hufflepuf and gryffindor for him... Nah gryffindor (like Neville you know). Gryffindor helps him to be more brave you know ? He's also the absolute best in care of magical creatures (of fucking course).

Sollux is a slytherin. His blood status (as well as his sibling's) is kinda undetermined since he got three parents. He's not a muggle born for sure. Honestly he doesn't care if he's a half-blood or a pureblood. He's kinda pissed to not have inherited of his dad's parlestongue because he likes snakes but eh. He's a absolute genius with computers and he HATES how computers doesn't work at hogwarts. He's trying to make a magic-proof one (spoiler it'll explode and more spoiler Karkat Nepeta and him will be too close and will get their eyebrows burned). He's pretty good with potions but he's better with transfiguration. Arithmancy is like his favorite class (it's easy for him and he's kinda in competition with Jade). Surprisingly he flies pretty well but he hates broomsticks. Like. Blurgh. He's animagus and guess what he's a bee. Karkat and Nepeta made fun of him endlessly but it's actually quite useful. He likes it. He's not bipolar like his dad but he got some pretty bad mood swings. Honestly he wanted to go to hufflepuf because they're yellow. He likes yellow. The fact that everyone took like two years to figure out that him, Nepeta and Karkat were triplets was absolutely hilarious to him. Like. They have the same birthday and the same parents how did they not understood once they figured out that they were related ? (he knows they don't look alike but seriously) he's one of the only persons to know about Karkat's secret obviously. This tsundere won't admit he loves his siblings but Nepeta and Karkat are on top of his "things I love the most" list.

Nepeta is a gryffindor. She got a limited form of metamorphmagi (?) mixed with her animagus form (she's a cat of course) she can manifest only a part of her animagus form, like the tail and ears or the claws. But she can't do what a normal metamorphmagus can do. She can fully turn into a cat of course. She keeps the ears and tail more or less always. A lot of people think someone cursed her to be part cat. She's really fucking strong : she learned martial art (more specifically taekwondo and aïkido) and parkour. She knows that most of the wizards are physically weak and that without their wand they're usually kinda useless. She's not really powerful magically speaking. More average but she doesn't mind. She's good in care of magical creatures and transfiguration. She absolutely hates flying. Like she's not afraid of heights but if she was made to fly her animagus form would be a bird not a cat ! She's Equius' best friend and nobody understands how they became friends (then again, nobody understands how the whole group became friends). She likes to ship people and they usually come to her (or Karkat) for romantic advice. She wants to be like her mother because she's so cool. She loves listening to his dad's stories about their past lives and she tries to understand her other dad's thing with computers but honestly the only thing she can do with a computer is an explosion. She likes to go to the forbidden forest to fight some dangerous creatures. She LOVES her brothers so much you wouldn't believe it. One of her favorite thing is the faces people do when they discover that they are triplets. It's priceless.

Karkat is a hufflepuf. To everyone's surprise. Like... He does works hard but friendly ? Him ? (when you tell that to his friends they laugh because Karkat, not friendly ? lmao dude he's the mom friend™) he inherited of his dad's ability to talk to snakes. He think it's completely useless and also he doesn't talk about it because ~discrimination~ he doesn't want to be seen as a dark wizard (he sucks at Dark magic anyways). He also has a weird thing with his blood : his blood is kinda like a soothing soporific ? Like, he can calm people by contact and when someone touch his blood they sleep. Nobody knows why is blood is like this (although Signless muttered something about candy red and a mutation). He keeps it secret (obviously his family knows) because honestly he doesn't want to be a test subject for the Department of mysteries. It's actually super useful when Sollux or his Dads are in lack of sleep - one drop of blood and bam they're asleep. Ironically, he's insomniac - he's obviously immune to the soporific effects of his blood. So he's a hufflepuf like Dave and some others and maybe he has a little crush on Dave. Ok it's not a crush he's in love but still a bit in denial. He likes potions and charms and alchemy and he's quite good. He also likes DADA but despite it he's not really good. He thinks Divination and Muggle studies are bullshit (but he regrets to not have been here to see Rose destroying the teacher). At first he took muggle studies to see if it was as awful as his dad told him - nope. It's worse. He absolutely, fully, from the bottom of his soul, HATES flying. He's actually one of the best students (not as good as Jade or Sollux but eh). First years are always afraid of him at first because he's always grumpy and angry and loud but the older are "lol no give it some time you'll see he's a giant teddy bear". He ends up being a sort of big brother figure for the youngers badgers. Nobody except him is surprised when he's named prefect. He's known at hogwarts to be somehow angry to everyone but also soft to everyone, all houses and years included. Everyone kinda loves him, despite *vague hand gestures to Karkat *. Some people don't like him, of course but he's not in danger : he got some powerful and protective friends. He's like one of the only persons who did not get lost in the castle. Like not even one time.

Kanaya is also a hufflepuf. She's a kind of cousin to the Captor-Vantas-Leijon since Dolorosa, her ancestor, adopted Signless. She's not a vampire like her ancestor (yet. She'll be at like 25. Don't want her to be 13 firvever after all). She's absolutely feared by everyone but nobody knows why. Like she's not really threatening ? She's really nice and pretty and always helping people. But she's still feared. Pure mystery. She likes to do handmade clothes and she's obviously very good. She took study of ancient runes and she's really good. She likes to sew protective runes onto her friend's clothes (they really need it). Strangely she's absolutely terrible at charms. She's pretty good with everything, but charms ? Nope. She's the mom friend as well as Karkat. But less aggressive of course. Her blood status is just as unknown as Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's (them because they have three parents and her because the only family she has is Dolorosa who is too distantly related - and Dolorosa might have forgot her own blood status. She's old after all). Of course she knew that Nepeta, Sollux and Karkat are triplets, she basically grew up with them. She has always been more close to Karkat than to Sollux and Nepeta but she likes to have tea with Nepeta and reminding Sollux to eat had become a daily habit. She's the other prefect of hufflepuf, no surprise. When she and Rose began to date, everyone was both happy for them and midly terrified. Because they both pretty scary to begin with, so together ?? Brrr.

Terezi's a muggleborn like her sister Latula. She's been raised in the magic world. When she learned about dragons she went absolutely apeshit. She wants one, it's like one of her big goals >:] also she's a Slytherin. She's still blind but it was from birth. She has extreme synesthesia, an actual blind cane and some magic detection abilities. She's fine and is actually one of the few people who can find their way through the castle. She wants to be the head of the Justice department ! She's already D34L1NG W1TH TH3 1NJUST1C3S at hogwarts. Usually the culprits ends on the infirmary. She's maybe a bit too violent, but she's fair. She is surprisingly good at flying (better than Nepeta, Karkat and Feferi, even if that's not difficult) : she says that's because she was a dragon in her past life (Signless quietly disagreed but said that she had a strong bond with a dragon in her previous life). She's pretty good with the other classes but absolutely terrible in potions. Nobody knows if she's really that bad or if she messes it up on purpose (her failed potions always explodes). She and Vriska are absolutely the castle's terrors.

Vriska is a pureblood. The hat hesitated between gryffindor and slytherin but she ended up in slytherin. She's absolutely fascinated by acromantulas. She's also extremely disappointed that she cannot be a pirate (she fully intends to take over her mom's criminal network). She's good with potions, particularly the mind-controlling ones (*badum tsss*). She's also good with DADA and transfiguration, in her own way : everything she does in transfiguration class ends looking like a spider.

Equius is a ravenclaw. He grew up in a pureblood family (see Darkleer's part for more details) and kept some pureblood manners. He likes to build magic objects and is absolutely fascinated by muggle technology (and also ashamed bc muggle technology). He's the most discreet person in the whole castle. This boy is tall and buff and always carries metal things, but somehow he's like hidden in the shadows. He's not very good in magic but that's because he always breaks his wand :( he'd trying to learn wandless magic (that's how it's called righ ?) so he can avoid to buy a wand every week. This also happens with broomsticks - he's been definitely banned from flying class after breaking five broomsticks. He loves his house, they're all pretty calm (with a few exceptions) and they don't seem to mind his awkwardness. When he discovered that Sollux and Karkat were Nepeta's triplets, his brain exploded (they're so differents - both mentally and physically. He tought that Nepeta had a crush on Karkat because she was always hugging him. Nope she's just a very affectionate sister and Karkat loves hugs even if he won't admit it).

Eridan is a hufflepuf and he's very disappointed. He wanted to be in slytherin because he kinda got the mentality "pureblood = slytherin, hufflepuf = lame". But well hufflepuf he is. He'll find out later that his house is actually great and full of nice people who support him :) he's pretty good in DADA (his expelliarmus is mortal *badum tsss*) and good with water spells (*badum tsss x2*). He can fly but only because he had hours of training (if he hadn't he would be just as bad as Karkat, Nepeta and Feferi). His dad adopted Feferi when Eridan was like two. He had a crush on her for five years then realized that being her best friend was better (listen I want them to be happy and without major relationship drama). He's animagus but nobody knows except Feferi and Karkat (and that's becayse Karkat saw him on his animagus form by accident) he hides it because he's a seahorse (*badum tsss x3*) and he thinks it's lame and people will make fun of him but he enjoys being able to breathe underwater so... He's that kind of wizard who claims that muggle are disgusting but actually hides muggle books under his bed.

Feferi is technically a pureblood since Eridan's dad adopted her but her mother is actually the Selkies queen (yes I'm talking about the Condesce) and her father is a unknown wizard. Since she's not fully selkie she doesn't have the turn-into-a-seal thing but she can still breathe under water and swim really fast. She's a Slytherin (Eridan was jealous at first). She's just as bad with flying as Karkat and Nepeta - she's afraid of heights. She's a pretty good student but she's especially good in herbology. Like Eridan she's good with water spells (*badum tsss x4*). She's pretty ambitious (that's why she's in slytherin) : she wants to be the Minister. To change the magic world ! But like in a good sense. She wants to introduce muggle technology into the wizard world ! That far she gained the support of the Captor-Vantas-Leijon family (especially Psiioniic, who works in the muggle side with computers and Signless who knows a lot about muggle things) and Jade (come on she's a scientist). She's very determined >:)

So much for having no ideas... I wanted to do the Beta kids but this post is already long enough. Lets' just say that Jane is in slytherin, Jake in Gryffindor and Dirk and Roxy in ravenclaw. Thanks to @cornusblr ;) you kinda helped me I think you'll recognize some things.

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latent-thoughts · 4 years

Text

The Pursuit of a Simple Life (Chapter 3 - Penthouse Passion)

[Co-Authored with @emeraldrosequartz]

Rating: 18+ (there be lots of citrus here).

Warning: None

Pairing: Loki/Original Female Character

Summary: Three years after returning to Earth with the other Asgardians following Ragnarok, Loki finds himself working for SHIELD, truly just trying to fight the boredom. While on an undercover mission, he unexpectedly begins to fall for his co-worker, Gemma, and she seems to feel the same way…about Dave, his alter ego while in disguise. Can Loki continue a relationship with her while keeping his true identity a secret? How many lies can the 'God of lies' spin to keep his pursuit of a simple life?

[Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017); THOR IS A GOOD BRO AND TOTALLY NOT HOW HE WAS IN RAGNAROK, THNX; Infinity War Doesn't Exist; Everyone lives]

A/N: Loki--OOPS, we mean, DAVE and Gemma get it on.

_________________________

IMPORTANT NOTES:

Bold Text = Loki's POV

Normal Text = Gemma's POV

________________________________

His touch was electric - soft yet firm, gentle and strong...the way he ran the tip of his nose along her pulse point, his warm breath and smiling mouth trailing goosebumps along her skin. If she had any resistance left in her, that touch dissipated all of it. She turned her face to his, eyes half-closed. It was almost trancelike, his gorgeous features taking up her entire field of vision.

“Oh, Dave,” she said softly, then she leaned in and kissed him. His stubble was scratchy but wonderful, and she tasted the whiskey on his tongue. She heard herself moan just a little bit at how good he felt. Red flags be damned, this was happening.

Norns, he couldn't get enough of her. His mouth all but devoured her as he intensified the kiss, pulling her to him so quickly that she landed on his lap.

He groaned as she straddled him, connecting her centre to his bulging crotch.

She was so damn warm!

His head nearly spun with arousal.

Just as his mind reminded him that he was basically ruining her, his hands reached up and cupped her luscious breasts, his mouth still possessing hers... still tasting her...

Gemma’s thighs squeezed Dave over his lap, feeling that bulge achingly straining against her. His hands were everywhere, his mouth captured hers, she was letting instinct take over as he moved with her. It felt like he was experienced, but perhaps...out of practice?

Not that she could judge...her last fling was a Tinder date almost a year ago, before she gave up on dating entirely.

“Um...I’m on the pill...” she muttered against his mouth, instantly feeling the awkward flush redden her cheeks. “So...that’s covered. Are you clean, have you been—“

The smirk he gave her quelled any other doubts she had, and he laid her down on the couch, caging her body, still running his fingers over her breasts and smiling every time she moaned or squeaked or giggled.

She watched him with wide, innocent eyes. Truth be told, she was a bit frightened, and she hoped he wouldn’t make her regret going forward with this...

Loki gazed down at her with pure want lacing all his senses. She was just so... adorable, with those doe eyes staring up at him in quiet apprehension.

It made his cock twitch with unbridled need.

"Oh Gemma," he murmured as he slipped his hands under her silly gym shirt. "You're such a sweet girl."

She squirmed under him as he rocked his arousal against her, feeling the contours of her body, splaying his hands against her breasts once again.

His lust was so intense that her bra offended him.

Quickly, he pulled his hands out and divested her of her shirt and bra, staring at her exposed flesh like a hungered beast.

Norns, it had been so damn long...

He dove straight for her bosom, lips latching onto her nipple. Not to ignore her other breast, his hand reached up to cup and squeeze it, brushing his thumb against her taut little peak.

This was Valhalla...

An ecstatic moan escaped her as he started kissing and sucking on her breasts like he was starving for them. She’d never been touched with such enthusiasm before! Were all British guys like this?! Suddenly, she wondered about visiting London someday...

That train of thought got derailed the second his fingers found their way under her skirt and inside her panties. Oh GOD she was embarrassingly wet, and everything was moving so fast. It was thrilling. It was terrifying. It felt so good.

“Oh, fuck... DAVE...” she groaned as the pleasure began to coil inside her. She rode it out white-knuckled as he toyed with her clit, and she pushed herself against him.

Now if only he would pull her hair and—

Stop it, she told herself, then she squealed as he gave her an especially good combination of a nipple suck and clit flick. Damn...he knew how to read her body like a book...

Loki froze for a moment when he heard the name ‘Dave’ upon her lips instead of ‘ Loki’.

Damn it all to Helheim!

He'd have to just... ignore it somehow. There was no way around it, no way to make her call his name without blowing his cover completely.

"Yes, my sweet girl," he said gruffly as his fingers became acquainted with her pussy, loving the hot clench of her channel when he spoke. "I want you to come on my fingers. Now.”

His eyes locked with hers as he curved his fingers upwards, touching that sweet, cushy spot inside that he knew would drive her towards her orgasm. His thumb brushed her clit in tandem, loving how her eyes lost their focus as her pussy began to flutter.

She didn’t even have a choice in the matter.

Between his voice and his fingers and his body and his face and those eyes and this penthouse and his car and..... everything that had led up to this moment throughout the day came to a head when he commanded her to come.

The orgasm hit her before she even knew what was happening. Everything snapped and released, and she shook with the waves of intense pleasure that Dave drew from her. She was almost crying; it felt so good!

Don’t start crying! He’ll stop if you cry!

So she screamed instead.

And as the pleasure tapered off into a blissful orgasmic afterglow...she realized he was unzipping her skirt. Her underwear was gone - no idea when that happened - but they were certainly not done yet.

He bent over and kissed her again, softer, happily. Then with one last quick, salacious look, he picked her naked body up and started carrying her to what she assumed was the bedroom.

It was a long walk. They kissed the whole way.

Loki placed her gently onto his bed, pulling the duvet aside as he did so. For a moment, he just admired her as she lay there, spread out on the soft cotton sheets like a gift from the Norns...

A blush slowly worked its way up her breasts, neck and face, making him want to chase it with his tongue.

He took his clothes off as he stared at her, never breaking the eye contact. He knew that she admired his body. Well, at least that he kept in its original form.

Once fully naked, he climbed into the bed and on top of her, pushing her legs apart with his thighs.

"I've not been with anyone for years," he stated truthfully as his tip breached her. "I kept myself isolated. But you... I can't resist."

With that he thrust inside her slowly, closing his eyes and letting out a shuddering breath. She was like a blazing hot furnace, and his cock was very happy to be inside her.

Her eyes rolled back as he entered her, even as her brain struggled to comprehend how Dave - the sexiest, richest, most beautiful man she’d ever laid eyes on - hadn’t been with anyone for years.

And he couldn’t resist her??? The world had gone crazy. Everything was upside down and sideways. And the only thing she could do was moan and indulge in the feeling of his cock inside her and his body on top of her, panting and grasping at the sheets.

She might be dreaming. She really hoped she didn’t wake up anytime soon.

“Oh, Dave...Dave, you’re amazing. Oh fuck. OH GOD, DAVE!” She clawed at his back and unthinkingly wrapped her legs around his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper.

He moved inside her with a slow, languorous rhythm, savouring every moment like a delicacy he had been denied for centuries.

He was a thirsty, thirsty man and she was his pure, soothing water...

Her moans of pleasure were music to his ears, and even though she took the name of his persona in her passion, he enjoyed it immensely.

"Gemma," he sighed into her neck as he kept thrusting, finding himself hooked on her alluring scent of citrus and flowers, "my sweet Gemma... yes, open up, take me deeper... good girl."

His words of encouragement seemed to drive her into a lustful frenzy, and so he used them more generously, making her moan louder and louder with each passing minute.

"Are you going to come for me again, baby girl? Are you close? I feel your pussy grasping my cock like vice, damn.. you're so tight."

He was loving this so much, the way she was responding to him. Norns, he was sure that she would let him do pretty much anything to her; she was that pliable .

Now that was a train of thought he most certainly knew he shouldn't get on, but he just couldn't help himself.

Norns... how he could train her to be his perfect, sweet little pet...

Loki, no...

Damn it...

He felt himself throb immediately, almost ready to come himself.

“Uhhhh-huuuhhh” was all she could manage to say. She was lost - completely and utterly lost - and the only things that registered in her sex-soaked brain were that place where he invaded her and the swirling sensations of pleasure that overwhelmed her.

She screamed his name as she chased her peak; she felt his pace quicken, his voice deep and rumbling, his muscles flexing between her legs...

Then she felt him release inside her, and the warm liquid pushed her into the strongest orgasm of her life. Her entire body went rigid, she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything except be in the moment and experience the insanely powerful pleasure that shot through her body. It felt almost inhuman...

Loki kissed her soft lips as she caught her breath, her pussy still throbbing around him rhythmically, milking his cock of every drop of his essence.

"You're so beautiful..." he sighed against her lips, nipping at them lightly. "Even more so when you come."

He felt so light in this moment, still joined with her, basking in the afterglow. Really, why hadn't he taken her before this day?

Well, he knew why, but he still rued the fact that he could've had her much earlier than today.

His body felt so good - so warm and comfortable as she swam in sexy afterglow. She knew she was going to fall asleep soon...or wake up from this dream soon. Whatever happened, it was coming to an end.

She felt a sad gratitude as she looked up at the most unlikely and wonderful lover she’d ever had...a gorgeous specimen that called her beautiful.

She’d look back on this moment and try to process it later.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and spooned her, still nuzzling her neck and giving her soft kisses as she drifted off.

She hoped - really hoped - she’d remember this dream when she woke up. And hopefully she could still look Dave in the eye the next day at work. ________________________________________________________________

[PREVIOUS CHAPTER] Ch-1; Ch-2 [NEXT CHAPTER]

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alvertesongdiary · 3 years

Video

youtube

Dave feat. Stormzy - Clash

[Chorus: Dave, Headie One] Jordan 4s or Jordan 1s, Rolexes, got more than one My AP cost thirty-one, millimeters: forty-one Stick him up with a stick-stick, he drew the shorter one You can't short me one, in the club with the shortest one Lighty, the shortest one, on my mind, Jorja one Crocodile bag, I bought her one, vegan ting, I slaughter one Freaks, I got more than one, fuck, daddy and daughter one (One) Tory puttin' in labour, this that Jeremy Corbyn one

[Verse 1: Dave] Awkward one, race me there, wait, hare, tortoise one I need a ting, thirty plus, Blackberry and Walkman 1's Look, I left my phone and my babies, silent mode My guys on ridin' mode, zombies, survival mode He's got a new vest? Man, pop that shield, no microphone I'll ride for bro, he's next to I like typin' O The score: 5 and 0, 6-to-1 For the kicks I love, twelve-fifty-four like 6-to-1 Babe, can't look at my mentions, that's Area 51 I'm so close to my pension, my left wrist is sixty-one My left wrist retiring, mm My apprentice tryna give Alan Sugar, there's no way I can—

[Chorus: Dave] Jordan 4s or Jordan 1s, Rolexes, got more than one My AP cost thirty-one, millimeters: forty-one Stick him up with a stick-stick, he drew the shorter one You can't short me one, in the club with the shortest one Lighty, the shortest one, on my mind, Jorja one Crocodile bag, I bought her one, vegan ting, I slaughter one Freaks, I got more than one, fuck, daddy and daughter one (One) Tory puttin' in labour, this that Jeremy Corbyn one

[Verse 2: Stormzy] Overrated one, most hated one Slid 'round after his birthday, gave him a happy belated one Burned that bridge, cremated one, boom-boom, bailiff one Got away with murder, this that Viola Davis one They stop and stare, watch rare, clear, stainless one Debate this one, hatin'-niggas gonna hate this one, ah I live life on the high, might fly to Dubai with the guys 'cause the weather's been shit I can wear a different kettle every day of the month from a different— Rollies, got twenty-one, I been lit since twenty-one Girl, I need that gently one, that Savage and Fenty one, hmm Dave's got the new Aston Martin plug, could you send me one? He said "No need to be rentin' one" Big flexes, inventin' one, cold, cold My bros don't chat, we just wear all-black on a blend-in one Man are talkin' war, don't know 'bout war 'til you end in one The machine got sweets, on a vending one Needed a hit, could have penned him one, 'cah you're pendin' one Aight, she wanna go to the cinema, so we just walk downstairs (Walk downstairs) The mortgage cleared, we've overtaken all our peers (All our peers) After all these years, disrespect is all I hear I'm Pep, I ball with flair Off the set, they storm like, off the set, they storm like Piers That's what I call mornin' tears Them man are talkin' bare, but it's cool 'cause—

[Verse 3: Dave] I got my ting so I'm more than good, anytime that I walk my hood I got the Jordan 4s and 6s, all I need now is Jordyn Woods Don't get caught for pus, don't die for nyash We slide and crash, sixteen, don't write and clash Sixteen, don't battlerap She got the WAP and a wap, what are you thinkin'? Mans on simpin', I'll buy her a car like a pair of—

27/07/2021

#dave #stormzy #clash #lyrics #music #youtube #song of the day #diary #music video #grime

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maryofone · 6 years

Text

Boyz In The Hood

There’s a group of men in my life that deserve a shoutout, and I don’t even know most of their names.

I live in Parkdale, this cool hood in the west end of Toronto that is like a weird little microcosm of the entire world. All kinds of different cultures and classes, all mingled together. This lively mix of humanity makes for some pretty interesting neighbours and thus affords me some pretty interesting attention from dudes. Dudes from all walks of life. Dudes I want to give some love to today. Dudes like:

This adorable little bearded guy I always see asking for change from the cars that are stopped at the Queen Street light. Tiny little guy, always in a hoodie and sometimes in women’s jeans, he definitely lives rough. And yet, for a guy who doesn’t appear to have a home, he seems so chill. Anytime he sees me he slowly outstretches his arms and yells, “Dream Woman! How are you baby?” The odd time he throws a marriage proposal at me, and I always say, “Not today, maybe tomorrow!” Love that fuckin guy.

There’s this really sweet ginger guy in the hood who definitely does have a home and I occasionally catch him walking his Rodheshian Ridgeback on our block. He’s like the friendliest guy on the planet; always flashes the biggest smile at me, stops to chat, and always holds his hand over his chest when he says it’s great to see me. Love that move.

Then there’s Jamie, this rough looking Peter Pan type guy who always rides up alongside me on his bike and gives me some ridiculously excessive compliment on my appearance. He reminds me of all the troublemakers I knew from the wrong side of the tracks in Peterborough. Not sure if he’s homeless but there’s a roughness to him, for sure. Has the energy of a guy in his twenties but he told me one day he’s 40 and has three kids. You can see on his face he’s lived a rough life, but it doesn’t stop him from being the fucking highlight of my day sometimes. He hits on me every single time he sees me, but he’s got that rare quality that somehow keeps him from being creepy. He’s always very clear about how much he worships me, but he does it in a way that makes me feel respected, and amused. And honestly, some days, it makes me feel loved, when I really fucking need it.

A couple of dudes have actually had the balls to genuinely ask me out on a date, and they deserve all the props. Not just for asking me out, but for weathering my ultra-awkward response. One guy who lives on my block asked me out a while ago and even though I turned him down he’s still so cute and sweet to me. A constant reminder of what a pussy I am. Some other guy just asked me out the other day and while I was incredibly touched that he did so, I just couldn’t get past his truly dreadful tattoo sleeve. I know that sounds shallow but BRO. Trust me, you’d agree. His continued sweetness upon seeing me is also a constant reminder of my cursed pickiness.

There’s this guy named Dave who has been singlehandedly keeping my author goal alive, unbeknownst to him. He’s old enough to my grandfather, has long white hair and a white beard and is usually in some sort of plaid. He’s a regular at the bar around the corner from my place, and when I spent a year editing my book there, he would (in a non-creepy way) always notice me. He seemed endlessly curious about what I was writing about, inspired by my commitment to the task, and eventually got in the habit of scribbling down funny/inspiring quotes about writing, and he’d give them to me on post-it notes. Then one day he gave me a stained-glass butterfly that he made himself, all because he felt inspired by me. Jesus, Dave! I don’t go to the bar anymore on account of this hooch hiatus, but I still see him around the hood every now and again, and sometimes he’ll have a post-it quote for me. The best one he ever gave me said: You write so beautifully. Your mind must be a terrible place! I love the quote but what I love more is that someone wanted me to have it.

There’s this one guy whom I’ve never spoken to, and even though he’s super, SUPER cute (in a white t-shirt, blue collar kind of way), I kind of don’t want him to ever talk to me. We pass each other on the sidewalk maybe once every few weeks, and we always smile at each other, but we never say anything. And it’s not just a cordial neighbour smile, there’s a little something extra there. I assume the cute assessment is mutual. I can feel it in the smile. But I’d like to leave the non-verbal nature of our acquaintance as is. I love it and I don’t want it to be ruined by actually knowing each other.

Upon reflection there are just too many boyz in this hood to list in one blog post. This dog of mine has me walking around Parkdale for three hours every day of my life, and every day one of these dudes gives me just a little something to keep the spirit going. And they’re proof that you don’t really have to know someone to love them. Especially if they call me Dream Woman every day.

#thoughts #Post

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kylereviewed · 7 years

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collider:

Olivia Munn Teases X-Men: Dark Phoenix As A Two-Parter

No one knows the evil warlord Garmadon (voiced by Justin Theroux), aka The Worst Guy Ever, better than his ex-wife, Koko (voiced by Olivia Munn), and when it comes to their son Lloyd (voiced by Dave Franco), the eternally optimistic mother just wants to help him survive adolescence. But in The LEGO Ninjago Movie, being a high school teenager isn’t easy for Lloyd because everyone knows that his father won’t stop until he’s achieved world domination, which can make friendships tough to keep and teenage life insurmountable.

While at the LEGOLAND California Resort for the film’s press junket, Collider got the opportunity to sit down with actress Olivia Munn to talk about why she wanted to be a part of The LEGO Ninjago Movie, what she loves about her character, why Koko was so much fun to play, what she’s like her superpower to be, if she were a secret ninja, and why she wants to move in with Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston. She also talked about her cameo in Ocean’s Eight and how she was responsible for her own wardrobe, hair, and make-up, and why Simon Kinberg, who’s making his directorial debut on X-Men: Dark Phoenix, makes such a great director.

Collider: What sold you on the LEGO Ninjago Movie and made you want to be a part of it?

OLIVIA MUNN: Well, I didn’t really have to be sold. I hadn’t seen LEGO Batman yet when I signed on for this, but I had seen the first LEGO movie. What’s so great about the LEGO movies is that, from the get-go, they were made in a way that wasn’t just adult-friendly, but you don’t have to have a kid with you to go see them. They’re edgy and funny and clever. The toys are the toys, and I love that about these movies. It really allows for the actors to bring so much life to them, and I really love that. It was so much fun!

Who is Koko and how does she fit into the city of Ninjago?

MUNN: What I love so much about Koko is that she’s this always optimistic mother. A lot of kids his age are going through some tough times, and he happens to be going through a very tough time ‘cause his father is an evil warlord and the whole school knows it. It’s like, “Your dad’s the worst guy, ever, and we know that!” She tries to be so positive, and I just love that so much about her. And I love that she has this other side to her, that gets revealed in the movie, but she chose to keep that private from her son. I love that she has this whole other dimension to her. I wanted her to be a positive force in Lloyd’s life. No matter what, she was going to love him through it and be super positive. And then, we find out this other side to her life, and I loved that so much. You might look at her like a mother who’s just being super positive, and that there’s all there is to it, but when you find out about the other life that she’s had and what she’s capable of, it makes you realize that, out of all the roads she could have chosen with all of her capabilities, she chose to be a mother. She could have been a hero for many, but she chose to be a hero for one. That, to me, was so special because it really shows the importance of what being a mother is. Out of all the amazing roads, she could choose, she chose the most amazing of all, which was to be a mother to Lloyd. I loved that so much.

Even before we know about Koko’s previous secret life, we get to see what a fierce temper she has when it comes to Garmadon. Was that fun to play?

MUNN: That was really fun, to play the momma bear who’s like, “I don’t care if you’re the biggest evil warlord! You’re annoying me right now, and I’m not afraid to tell you that!” That’s why I feel I had a kindred spirit with Koko. That’s how I live my life. The one thing we all have in common is that I exist as much as you exist. You can be the President of the United States, you can be an evil warlord, or you can be the head of a studio, but I’m here and you’re here. We may have different paths. You may be a lot more powerful and really wealthy, and all of those things, but we both exist and we’re both here, so I’m gonna treat you as a human being. What I see in you and how you treat me is what you’re gonna get back, and that’s Koko. She’s the one person in the world who’s not intimidated by Garmadon because she’s like, “I know you! You can be fancy with all of your evil warlord get-up, and your helmet and block clothes, but I know who you are! It’s all a facade, and I don’t care!”

Could you ever have imagined a world where you and Justin Theroux would be playing parents to Dave Franco?

MUNN: It’s actually art imitating life. Justin and I have decided to adopt Dave. He didn’t ask to be adopted, but we felt he needed it, mostly because I wanted to move into Justin’s home with Jennifer Aniston ‘cause it’s beautiful. I was like, “For this movie and for the press tour, I should be living with you guys. We should really think about whether to put Dave in private school, or whether we should go the Montessori route.” They haven’t really accepted my offer yet. It’s coming. I think it’s gotta come! Side note: Jen and I are friends now, which blows my mind. We filmed a movie together. We meet a lot of people through social parties and work parties, and I’ve been able to meet a lot of the people that I’ve idolized, and who are at the top of their game or who are the most famous people. Out of everyone, Jennifer Aniston is the nicest, most down-to-earth person. She’s nice, in the way that I think of nice. She’s so real. She’s the real deal. She’s in life. She doesn’t have a horde of people around her. She’s always engaged and talking to people. I just love her to death. That’s why I want to move in with them. Maybe this article can be about that.

We’ll put in a good word for you!

MUNN: Oh, my god, please! That would be great! I’ll just start Uber-ing over there. I’ll be like, “The Uber just dropped me off here, and I don’t really know how to get back. Maybe I should just stay forever!”

You got to be a part of Ocean’s Eight.

MUNN: I got to do a cameo in Ocean’s Eight.

What was that experience like?

MUNN: I got the call to see if I wanted to come do a cameo, and they were like, “We’ll fly you out.” During that time, I was in a relationship where I didn’t work. He played football, so during the season, for three years, I’d have to go do press, but I wouldn’t work. I just wanted to be there to be supportive. But then, this came up. It worked out that it was on a day off, so I flew out and did it. They said, “You’ll be playing a part at the Met Ball. We want you to come out and be in it, but wear whatever you’d think you would wear and do whatever you think you’d do for hair and make-up.” Basically, it cost me a lot. I paid for the stylist, and for the hair and make-up, but that’s how much fun it was to be a part of that movie, which I think is so cool. It passed the Bechdel test, 20 times over. It was amazing! Mindy Kaling is a good friend of mine, and I was so excited when she got that. Sandra Bullock is my favorite. Cate Blanchett is my favorite. Sarah Paulson is amazing and so great. Anytime you do a cameo, you don’t know whether you’ll be in the movie, but just to be there was amazing. We shot at the actual Met, and I didn’t know this, but there’s a whole bar. On movie sets, you wait around a lot, and on this one, everyone was up in the bar, where there was a counter of ridiculously expensive diamonds that you could go borrow if you wanted to wear them in the scene. It was extreme! I had to pay to be in the movie, but it was worth it. It was such a great experience! There were a lot of people there, and it was really fun.

Image via Warner Bros.

Are you currently working on X-Men: Dark Phoenix?

MUNN: I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I’m supposed to be vague. That’s my answer. I’m horrible at that. It’s like a two-parter, this movie. That’s more than I’ve said, in general. I don’t know why people have to be so secretive.

What’s it been like to work with Simon Kinberg, who’s been with the franchise as a producer, but is making his directorial debut with this film?

MUNN: I love Simon Kinberg. He’s such a visionary. We’re all so close. Anytime that you’re working on a project where everyone hangs out and they’re close, it’s a breeding ground for great content and a great experience. I think Simon is gonna kill it. He’s gonna do such a fantastic job with it. When I came on, he pitched me to be Psylocke, and I didn’t know him until I worked on that movie, but you see how everyone is friends and they hang out. It’s really cool! I just filmed a role in Josh Duhamel’s movie (The Buddy Games), up in Canada. He wrote, directed and is starring in it, and it’s the first film he directed and wrote. He got a bunch of his guy friends to be in the movie, and it was one of the most fun experiences. I’ve never worked on something where it’s another actor’s passion project. It’s interesting ‘cause you see how, when the director is also the writer and it’s a passion project, everybody steps up. You always try to do your best, in general, but there was a different energy. Those guys – Nick Swardson, Dax Shepard, James Roday, Dan Bakkedahl and Kevin Dillon – had me laughing the entire time. I only filmed for five days, but it was so much fun and they were so funny. Nick Swardson is one of the funniest human beings. Working with Simon, as a director, has that similar thing. It makes it more fun because everyone just steps up, a little bit more.

If you were a part of your own secret ninja group of warriors that save the day, what would you want your power or ability to be and what would your own personal mech look like?

MUNN: I know it’s crazy, but I would take on Psylocke’s powers, to be able to create anything with your mind. That’s why Psylocke was always one of my favorite X-Men characters. The fact that she could create anything with her mind, but she still chooses to fight, she wants the challenge. That and/or the ability to control time. If you could control time, you’re good. And if you have the power to create anything with your mind, you could keep creating different mechs.

The LEGO Ninjago Movie is now playing in theaters.

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miksykat · 4 years

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I'd much rather strangers i meet irl call me dave because david sounds like theyre about to challenge me to a duel but also anytime someone adresses me as dave i am violently launched back to my homestuck days and hoo boy remembering you're a filthy fucking kinnie in front of another human person does not fucking slap my bros

#homestuck #i introduce myself as dave on multiplayer online games when I'm making friends #and every single time some lil tiny part of my brain goes 'haha cringe'#and immediately my face starts trying to turn itself inside out with nothing but the muscles it's made of and sheer force of will #but this is like the mason thing i just gotta adapt #it feels like being repeatedly slam dunked into a cold pool at first but with exposure I'll grow comfortable with it happened with mason too #it's just taking longer because nobody really calls me dave so big f for me yknow

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dine-on-nervine · 6 years

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the “three songs” survey

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle They aren’t on my phone. But pulling out the Zune... Nena, “Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime (extended version)”, Art of Noise “Once Upon A Lime”, Level 42 “Just For You”.

2. three last songs you listened to I don’t have titles, but they were on the classical music station. The radio text has said everything’s by Igor Stravinsky for the last two days.

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with EBN-OZN “AEIOU Sometimes Y”, finding all the remixes of Art Of Silence “West 4″, and the 12″ dub of Ray Parker Jr “Ghostbusters”.

4. three songs that you know thanks to your parents The Carpenters “Top Of The World”, ABBA “Super Trouper”, and... Anna Russell’s song about the boy with the onion mark from her “How To Write Your Own Gilbert & Sullivan Opera”.

5. three songs you wish you could forget (because listening to them hurts) Nothing actually hurts, however I cannot listen to Stone Roses “I Want To Be Adored”, I tear up singing along with Orchestral Manouevers In The Dark “Forever (Live And Die)”, I’m trying to reclaim Soulsavers “Lately”, and I’d really like to think less when Blue Swede “Hooked On A Feeling” comes on.

6. three songs you wish you could erase from history (because they’re terrible) That’s a long list due to rap, current pop music being horrible, and some reverbed/autotuned artists. Could we start with that overplayed song that says “no, no, no” and Gwen Stefani going “wooo, yeeee”?

7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved I can think of some Depeche Mode songs that grew on me -- none from the Spirit album though, thanks -- such as “Strangelove” and “Barrel Of A Gun” and “Soothe My Soul”.

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation Gerry Rafferty “Baker Street”, Donny Iris “Ah! Leah”, and... okay, sure, Alice Cooper “School’s Out” but not really.

9. three songs that get you in the Christmas Mood Frank Sinatra “Mistletoe & Holly”, Andy Williams “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”, and Ivan Rebroff “Ave Maria”.

10. three favourite Halloween/spooky songs Eh, none.

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack The English version of Enya “Far And Away”, Love Spit Love’s cover of The Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now?”, and... can we count TV ads? Because I really like the album version of Röyksopp “Remind Me” from the GEICO ad.

12. three favourite songs from video games Gyruss: JS Bach “Toccata and Fugue in D minor BWV 565“; Super Mario Bros: Koji Kondo, “Underwater Theme”; The Sims: Depeche Mode, “Suffer Well (Simlish)”

13. three songs you want at your funeral Enya “Smaointe…“, Depeche Mode “Blasphemous Rumours”, and Naked Eyes “No Flowers Please”.

14. three songs you want at your wedding Elton John “Your Song”... actually, I don’t have a current answer for that.

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to Modest Mouse “Float On”, Robert Plant “Thru With The Two-Step”, and Dave Gahan’s cover of Roxy Music “Song For Europe”.

16. three favourite songs for sex Music distracts me and I need my concentration. But I will say a little quiet aetherial dreampop can be interesting... Mazzy Star “Fade Into You” and “All Your Sisters”, for instance, or something indeterminant from The Cranes.

17. three songs that remind you of your crush Anything by Modest Mouse, whiny violins playing chamber music on a cell phone speaker through pillows, and Giuffria “Call To The Heart”.

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend Prince “Mountains”, The Doors “The Soft Parade”, and Guns n’ Roses “Mr. Brownstone”. (And a fourth, Metallica “One”.)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure Bee Gees “Stayin’ Alive (Teddybears Mix)”, Patrick Hernandez “Born To Be Alive”, and the 12″ version of Leif Garrett “I Was Made For Dancing”.

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one I don’t have any, I just bogarted this off a new follower’s Tumblr.

21. three songs of your childhood Doobie Brothers “Cold Black Water” and “China Grove”, and Beat Farmers “California Kid”. Note, I did not say I ever want to hear those two Doobies songs again, I’m saying you couldn’t turn on KATS 94.5 without hearing one of them at any hour for several years... so it’s a Yakima inside joke.

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad Alan Parsons Project “Standing On Higher Ground”, Men Without Hats “O Sole Mio”, and Art of Silence “4:34 a.m.”

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up C&C Music Factory “Gonna Make You Sweat”, Fear Of Tigers’ remix of The Sound Of Arrows “Into The Clouds”, and the remastered Sweet “Action”. Honorable mentions to Abraxas Pool “Boom Ba Ya Ya” and BT with Tori Amos “Blue Skies” for getting my blood moving.

24. three favourite old songs Ram Jam “Black Betty”, Lulu “To Sir With Love”, and Frank & Nancy Sinatra “Something Stupid”.

25. three favourite songs of 2017 None.

26. three favourite non-English songs Nena “Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann“, Enya “Cursum Perficio“, and I admit it, O-Zone “Dragostea Din Tei”.

27. three songs that you sing while drunk I don’t sing when I’m drunk.

28. three best songs to get drunk or high to You have to be trippin’ balls to really appreciate the Grateful Dead (or play M-Network “Frogs & Flies”), and Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumper” has taken on a life of its own as a drinking song, but I don’t have any serious recommendations other than bastardizing the lyrics of Steve Winwood’s “Roll With It” when you are totally shitfaced to make the chorus “FUCK ME!”

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives) Soulsavers with Dave Gahan “Lately”, Pretty & Twisted “The Highs Are Too High”, and Depeche Mode “A Question Of Time”.

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above) Zebra “Who’s Behind The Door?”, Abraxas Pool “Boom Ba Ya Ya”, and Alison Moyet “When I Was Your Girl” (that’s her daughter Caitlin as the younger version of Alf in the video).

#100 ?'s

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njawaidofficial · 7 years

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Hollywood Job Envy: Entertainment's Most Powerful Reveal Who They'd Trade Places With for a Day

http://styleveryday.com/2017/07/06/hollywood-job-envy-entertainments-most-powerful-reveal-who-theyd-trade-places-with-for-a-day/

Hollywood Job Envy: Entertainment's Most Powerful Reveal Who They'd Trade Places With for a Day

While multiple members of 2017’s THR 100 said they’d like to switch seats with Bob Iger — “CEO of Happiness,” according to Oprah Winfrey — and The Rock, admired in part for his “great calves,” others are content to stay in their own powerful positions.

They’re the 100 most powerful people in entertainment but that doesn’t mean they don’t dream about trading places with someone else in Hollywood. Asked whose job they would want — just for one day — the execs, creators and stars who made the cut for this year’s THR 100 offered a wide variety of answers, with a few notable repeats.

Bob Iger, himself No. 1 on the THR 100, was the most popular pick, with five of the interviewees wanting to take his job as CEO of Disney for the day; Oprah Winfrey (No. 9) even called him the “CEO of Happiness.” AMC’s Charlie Collier (No. 42) cited Iger’s “breadth of perspective,” with Simon Kinberg (No. 59) and Brian Grazer (No. 95) expressing similar sentiments. Mark Burnett (No. 54) summed it up more simply: “Bob Iger. This needs no explanation.”

Netflix’s Ted Sarandos (No. 2) was named by both Fox’s Dana Walden (No.16) “so that I could see Netflix’s ratings,” she said, and Ava DuVernay (No. 70), who mentioned the chief content officer’s disruptor role in Hollywood and “those deep pockets.” As for Sarandos, he’d switch places for a day with Lorne Michaels (No. 38); same goes for Michaels’ corporate boss, NBCUniversal CEO Steve Burke (No. 3).

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (No. 34) also got a couple of mentions — from Brett Ratner (No. 9), who admires the star’s “great calves,” and Jordan Peele (No. 93). Wonder Woman helmer Patty Jenkins (No. 94) chose Clint Eastwood (No. 63) — “he has such a great and impressive body of work that now he really gets to do what he wants to do,” she said — as did one of her collaborators on the DC summer blockbuster, Warner Bros.’ Jon Berg (No. 64). “Who wouldn’t want to be Clint for one day?” Berg told THR. “I’d just keep giving myself his patented ‘what you looking at’ stare.”

Also receiving multiple mentions were two powerhouses who didn’t appear on THR’s list: Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos was chosen by Illumination’s Chris Meledandri (No. 29) and Starz’s Chris Albrecht (No. 60). And Jay-Z was the choice of both UTA’s Jeremy Zimmer and TBS/TNT president Kevin Reilly, who quipped of the hip hop star and mogul, “We’re very similar.”

Read on for the full list of responses.

Ted Sarandos, chief creative officer, Netflix (No. 2) “He is in New York, but I would switch jobs with Lorne Michaels (No. 38) for a day anytime.”

Steve Burke, CEO, NBCUniversal, and senior executive vp, Comcast Corp. (No. 3) “Lorne Michaels (No. 38).”

Leslie Moonves, president and CEO, CBS Corp. (No. 4) “Charlie Rose.”

James Murdoch, CEO, 21st Century Fox (No. 5) “Jason Momoa for the tomahawks and Guinness.”

Lachlan Murdoch, executive chairman, 21st Century Fox (No. 5) “One of our National Geographic photographers or cinematographers, whose work I think is consistently awesome.”

Bob Bakish, president/CEO, Viacom (No. 6) “[Universal Music Group CEO] Lucian Grainge. I always loved music and still do.”

Oprah Winfrey, CEO, OWN (No. 9) “Bob Iger (No. 1), CEO of Happiness.”

Peter Rice, chairman/CEO, Fox Networks Group (No. 10) “A National Geographic photographer — Paul Nicklen”

Emma Watts, vice chairman and president of production, 20th Century Fox Film (No. 12) “Skip Brittenham”

Dana Walden, CEO/chairman, Fox TV Group (No. 16) “Ted Sarandos (No. 2), so that I could see Netflix’s ratings.”

Gary Newman, CEO/chairman, Fox TV Group (No. 16) “I would like to work as an executive producer of one of our series to understand the pressures of that job and see whether studio and network input is helping or hurting.”

John Lasseter, chief creative officer, Walt Disney and Pixar Animation Studios (No. 17) “I think I have the best job in Hollywood, so I would switch with a ride operator at the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland … which is the best job in the world.”

Jon Feltheimer, CEO, Lionsgate Entertainment (No. 20) “I wouldn’t.”

Bonnie Hammer, chairman, NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment (No. 21) “Maitre d’ at one of the top industry restaurants. Imagine the relationships you’d forge, the stories you’d hear, your control over the pecking order! Talk about power!”

Ben Sherwood, co-chairman, Disney Media Networks and President, Disney/ABC TV Group (No. 22) “Dave Roberts, manager of the Dodgers. Go Blue!”

Richard Plepler, CEO, HBO (No. 23) “Jimmy Iovine. Nobody’s living better than Jimmy.”

John Landgraf, CEO, FX Networks (No. 24) “My present self in this same job 10 years ago — now that I know how easy the job used to be…”

Tony Vinciquerra, chairman/CEO, Sony Pictures Entertainment (No. 26) “I just did that!”

Tom Rothman, Chairman, Motion Picture Group, Sony Pictures Entertainment (No. 26) “Is this a trick question? Hello, Leo (No. 39).”

Robert Greenblatt, chairman, NBC (No. 27) “John Lasseter (No. 17).”

Jennifer Salke, president, NBC (No. 27) “To be working in the writers room on This is Us. I just love it so much and everyone involved.”

Paul Telegdy, alternative & reality, NBC Entertainment (No. 27) “Chris Meledandri (No. 29) — I think I could learn a lot from him in a day.”

Ryan Murphy, writer/producer (No. 28) “The person who does the topiaries on the Fox lot. That’s a great gig, and my kids would be so impressed. They are obsessed with those topiaries. And I used to be a gardening designer.”

Chris Meledandri, CEO, Illumination Entertainment (No. 29) “Jeff Bezos — just to see the world through his eyes.”

David Kramer, managing director, United Talent Agency (No. 33) “Samantha Bee. I’d be brilliant, hilarious, and my teenage daughters would worship me.”

Jeremy Zimmer, CEO, United Talent Agency (No. 33) “Jay-Z. I would enjoy having his perspective and impact on pop culture.”

David Nevins, CEO, Showtime Networks (No. 36) “Terry Gross or Howard Stern. I’d like to ask them questions.”

Jason Blum, founder/CEO, Blumhouse Productions (No. 40) “Richard Plepler (No. 23).”

Josh Sapan, president/CEO, AMC Networks (No. 42) “Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould. I would pray that some of their talent and generosity found its way to me.”

Charlie Collier, president/GM, AMC (No. 42) “Bob Iger (No. 1). What breadth of perspective.”

Ellen DeGeneres, talk show host/producer (No. 43) “Whoever has to wake up The Bachelor contestants every morning. I bet that’d be a real sight to see.”

Scott Stuber, vp original film, Netflix (No. 45) “John Williams. I lack musical talent and I would love to be inside the head of someone who has elevated so many films with his brilliance.”

Greg Berlanti, writer/producer (No. 52) “A young staff writer on any show. I loved being a baby writer when all I had to worry about was the script I was working on.”

Mary Parent, vice chair, worldwide productions, Legendary Entertainment (No. 53) “Anything related to reality TV, which I love. Casting director or editor ideally.”

David Zaslav, president/CEO, Discovery Communications (No. 56) “Ron Meyer (No. 11), because I’d know what it feels like to be loved by everyone.”

Gary Barber, chairman/CEO (No. 54) “Sports agent.”

Mark Burnett, president, TV and digital group, MGM (No. 54) “Bob Iger (No. 1). This needs no explanation.”

Kevin Reilly, president, TNT/TBS, and chief creative officer, Turner (No. 58) “Jay-Z (we’re very similar).”

Simon Kinberg, writer/producer (No. 59) “Bob Iger (No. 1). ESPN, Star Wars and Disneyland in a day.”

Mark Pedowitz, president, The CW (No. 60) “I wouldn’t switch jobs with anyone, I have the best job around.”

Chris Albrecht, CEO, Starz (No. 61) “Jeff Bezos.”

Diane Nelson, president, DC Entertainment (No. 64) “Patty Jenkins (No. 94). To feel demand for your talent, regardless of gender, and knowing you are creating films that are going to leave lifetime imprints.”

Jon Berg, co-president, production and development, Warner Bros. Pictures (No. 64) “Clint Eastwood (No. 63). Who wouldn’t want to be Clint for one day? I’d just keep giving myself his patented ‘what you looking at’ stare.”

Geoff Johns, president/chief creative officer, DC Entertainment (No. 64) “Working on bringing DC’s heroes and villains to the screen is the greatest job I could’ve dreamed of. But if it was one day… I would pull a Freaky Friday with Stephen Spielberg (No. 32) so I could read the new Indiana Jones script, get the new Gremlins movie greenlit and have lunch with Harrison Ford.”

Adam Fogelson, chairman, STXFilms Motion Picture Group (No. 66) “Chris Pratt (No. 89).”

Tyler Perry, actor/producer and CEO, Tyler Perry Studios (No. 67) “Kathy Griffin, on the day she took the photo with Trump’s head so I could have talked her out of it.”

Zack Van Amburg, president, U.S. programming and production, Sony Pictures TV (No. 69) “Ari Emmanuel (No. 13). He says what he means, is fearless, hard-charging, and is a voracious reader. Plus, I’d get to tell agents what to do instead of the other way around!”

Ava DuVernay, director/producer (No. 70) “Ted Sarandos (No. 2). I’d like to know how it feels to be the industry’s biggest disruptor and have those deep pockets too. I’d make it a shopping day.”

Kelly Kahl, entertainment president, CBS (No. 71) “Stephen Colbert or James Corden.”

Thom Sherman, senior executive vp programming, CBS (No. 71) “Jim Nantz.”

Noah Hawley, writer/producer (No. 76) “Wes Anderson. He just looks like he has so much fun. There’s something to the level of playfulness and just really chasing something that’s in his head that seems disconnected from any kind of note process. Plus, doesn’t he live in Paris? It’s like a whole thing.”

Kevin Hart, actor/comedian (No. 80) “If I could take anybody’s job, I’d take my job. I love what I do. I don’t want to do anything else.”

Shawn Levy, director/producer (No. 81) “Literally no one. I love my job.”

Brett Ratner, CEO, RatPac Entertainment (No. 82) “Dwayne Johnson (No. 34). He has great calves.”

Jeff Skoll, founder, Participant Media (No. 83) “The fellow who welcomes people onto the Universal studio lot.”

David Linde, CEO, Participant Media (No. 83) “My assistant.”

Steve Harvey, talk show host/producer (No. 84) “I’d choose Peter Roth (No. 72), the head of Warner Brothers, and then I’d greenlight every show I ever took to him.”

Dan Fogelman, writer/producer (No. 88) “Milo Ventimiglia. It’d be nice to have that ass for a day.”

Jordan Peele, filmmaker/producer/actor (No. 93) “The Rock (No.34).”

Patty Jenkins, director (No. 94) “Clint Eastwood (No. 63). Seems like he has such a great and impressive body of work that now he really gets to do what he wants to do, and is supported in it. What an ultimate dream and goal.”

Brian Grazer, partner, Imagine Entertainment (No. 95) “Bob Iger (No. 1), for sure. I don’t think I’m the guy to do it on a full-time basis, but it would be really really interesting to just see, feel and/or touch all the different businesses that he has expertise on.”

Barry Jenkins, writer/director (No. 97) “My lawyer, Jamie Feldman. He just seems like he’s always having fun.”

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