#c: sick!kurt

[iiyarada]

The infamous Nekkurt breakup

[pacifymebby]

Hey what are your favourite books? I’m so intrigued about what books you’ve talked about to musicians about, because I too have ripped into many an indie boy about only ever paying attention to Bukowski hahah so relate

Hiiii!!! This is my favourite thing to talk about so thank I for the ask <3

So I'm not gonna lie, for all I rip into indie boys for Bukowski, some of my favourite books are by people just as bad morally haha

Also this is gonna be longggg because my taste varies so much

I think my favourite books/most treasured/ almost always guaranteed to have one of these in my bag at all times are:

🌿 Quite Early One Morning/Dylan Thomas

Man's a genius when it comes to a vivid, touching, somewhat haunted short story, there's so much life and spirit in every single memory he tells, and if you listen to him reading his own stories you feel them hit all the harder. Something really homely and cosy and I read them whenever I'm feeling sad. This little books been all over with me.

🌿The Dear Green Place / Archie Hind

When I lived down in England with my gran, I'd phone B when I was sad and he'd read down the phone to me, usually Scottish faerie tales and stuff but also this from time to time and then he gave me a copy one day and I read in cover to cover in a day or two whilst travelling and like, this is one of the ones a mean when I talk about like, "nothingy books that are sad af but beautiful, Bukowski take notes.." because it's just about a working class man living in poverty, he meets the love of his life and they marry and they live in poverty, he's desperately trying to be a writer, nothing works out for them, it's miserable, its bleak, it's fucking beautifully written, it captures the hope in being hopeless, it touches your own sadness and idk, also the man just describes industrial Glasgow beautifully. It's just beautiful. (Also no one gets raped, he doesn't think women are whores, he's a kind and mostly gentle man, it really shows you that not all men are like or think like Charles Bukowski which I think is v important)

🌿 God's Silence / Franz Wright (poetry)

Okay so, he's struggling with the death of his famous poet father, he's struggling with his faith, he's struggling with alcohol and feeling hopeless. Again melancholic, nihilistic but... well written, it actually makes you feel something, there's imagery, you can picture stuff, there are lines that hit you in your chest and stay with you forever.

🌿 How Green Was My Valley / Richard Llewellyn

This is one of my dad's favourite books and he read it to me in bits when I was sick as a teenager. But I've read it so many times now too. The funniest thing I think about this is that the guy who wrote it claimed to have based it on his own experiences as a Welshman from a Welsh mining family, but he actually spent most of his life in England. I was always read this with a "isn't our country gorgeous, aren't these descriptions beautiful," kind of attitude and part of the reason I still love it is because it's true, just the first few pages where he's describing the valley are fucking lovely and really do make me a wee bit homesick but like, it's funny to me that the man was actually about as Welsh as me.

Books musicians recommended to me (I did not like all of these):

🌜 a few weeks ago an indie boy in a band went off on one about how Perfume by Patrick Suskind is his favourite novel of all time and I was actually probably a bit too mean but A) me and my dad are both in agreement that it's just not thattt interestingly written B) it's my ex's favourite book and C) guarantee this particular indie boy is only saying it's his favourite because it was Kurt Cobains favourite.

🌜 Hangover Square / Patrick Hamilton

A member of the libertines recced this to me when I was extremely drunk about 7ish years ago haha, like drunk enough that I don't remember which one I was talking to, but he was really laying it on thick about how much he'd enjoyed reading it (I honestly think he'd just finished it because he gave me the copy out his pocket which is either like, he always keeps a book to give to girls he's chattin up or he'd just finished it idk) anyway I didn't read it for ages afterwards but then when I did I was actually like oh shit this is quite good actually. It's very dark but also quite amusing in a similar way to all the Russian stuff, like bad shits happening to the protagonist but the protagonist is a bad person so you're enjoying it I guess.

🌜 Lolita / Vladimir Nabokov

Okay so as much as we all know Lolita to be that book, there's no denying it's incredibly beautifully written, the prose is gorgeous (purposefully so because famously Nabokov was laughing at the stupid Americans he said would praise anything if you dressed it up nice enough, even noncing)

This was another rec from my "wants to be a groupie coquette" days and I'm not gonna say who it was who recommended it to me, but they read me some of it and went on a little rant about how lovely they thought it was. And I laughed at them later when I was reading it because I was like wow, you're the person this mans laughing at wow. BUT I'm also eternally grateful to them for turning me onto Nabokov when I was like 16 because Nabokov turned me onto all the other Russians and also Nabokov wrote one of my favourite books ever also. So I owe alot to the older man in the indie band who should not have been talking to me lol.

🌜 Ham on Rye / Charles Bukowski

So! Many! Men! Told me to read this book or other Bukowski books and I tried really hard with the man's poetry and stuff but fucking hell, I can't do it... I just don't think you can go from idolising Ginsburg's "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked..." to Bukowski's "People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water," and accept the latter as a genius because like, those poems are essentially about the same hopelessness that swept up several American generations and yet one of them captures the devastation and the hideous romance of it all and one is making snide comments about baths.

🌜Bright Dead Things / Ada Limon

This is actually one of my favourite poetry collections of all time, it's gorgeous and emotional and you will be so unsurprised to find out that it was a woman who recommended it to me, she also went off on a long and loving rant about Sylvia Plath, it was lovely. Best post gig convo ever.

🌜 Just Kids / Patti Smith

Okay Patti Smith is fine right, but every feminist boy in an indie band is going to rec this to you as proof that he reads books by women. She is good though, I didn't finish the book but that's because I started reading Touching From a Distance/Deborah Curtis at the same time and got my heart trashed so badly I couldn't pick up a book for a month afterwards.

🌜Touching From a Distance / Deborah Curtis

The man who lent me this one actually had really good taste in books and put me onto a lot of good authors (Max Porter - read Lanny - , Amalie Smith, Emma Glass, Fernanda Trias, Victoria Kennefick - eat or we both starve is very good poetry - Daisy Johnson) he's really into his musician biographies as well and he's recommended a few good ones over the years. But this is by far the best one, it's really heart wrenching and it tells the story of a family getting let down time and time again but the government/social care and healthcare in Britain and just, idk, it doesn't glamorise Ian Curtis and it doesn't dismiss any of the bad shit he did, it doesn't paint him as a lovely wouldn't hurt a fly kind of man. But it does give you a lot of insight into a complicated and painful set of experiences, and honestly I think it's written simply and beautifully too.

🌜 Homage To Catalonia / George Orwell

I'm literally just including this to let you know that if a man tells you to read George Orwell run a fucking mile. This is by far the better of his books I've read but Orwell's just a classic shitty misogynist with an inability to even write that stuff in a pretty way. Like I think the fact that he himself was very privileged and constantly trying to convince the world that be actually wasn't, and that he was really interesting just shines through so hard. You sorta read it and you don't get any of the "this man understands me" you just get "this mans boring and wining about something his rich parents could totally fix" like, he doesn't have anything good to say because he doesn't feel idk.

Other big favourites of mine that I recommend to everyone ten times a day:

🍒 Glory / Vladimir Nabokov, The Double / Vladimir Nabokov

Honestly skip Lolita and go straight to the double because it's straight up incredible, it's black humour, self made catastrophes, your main character is bad and you see him cut about making trouble for himself and it's so entertaining and just a good read. Glory is amazing for the same reason. Nabokovs been done so dirty by heart shaped Lana girls (ME!) And the men who fancy them.

🍒 Elena Ferrante / My Brilliant Friend and the rest of the Neopolitan Quartet

These are for the girls and possibly the men who want to understand the girls. It's like This Is What Makes Us Girls but set in post war Italy in a poor neighbourhood, it follows two girls who are best friends who's different lives drag them apart and push them together. It will make you feel things, it will make you write a letter to your childhood best friend, you will want to call your mother and get to know her etc. It's so so good, there's drama, there's emotion, it's not an overly complicated book full of long words so you find yourself really gripped and hooked in without having to concentrate which is great.

🍒 Tropic of Cancer/Capricorn / Henry Miller

Of all the horrific cunts out there he's the worst (apart from William Burroughs because as far as I know Henry Miller never murdered his wife?)

But he was a misogynist, he was a racist, he was just a total lowlife HOWEVER

All is forgiven (joke) because there are some heavenly passages in these two books, I remember being so breath taken when I was reading these as a sad stoned late teens girl in my lonely little London flat. I lay on my rug getting high and read these two in like 3 days and I kept crying cause the words were so fucking pretty. If Bukowski had ever written anything this pretty I'd have forgiven him for being such a pervert.

Trigger warning though, you have to be really careful with Henry miller because there's heavy violence against women in some of his books (I don't remember there being much in these tbh, just explicit but consensual sex in these two) but in some of his others he talks about raping women or beating them and it's unpleasant. He was for sure a deeply unpleasant human being. Very good writer though.

🍒The Unbearable Lightness of Being / Milan Kundera

I only read this one last winter, I was miserable and feeling like I needed to press on the emotional bruise and this book really did the trick.

Again, the main character is a womanising cunt and I would say if you ever meet a man who reminds you of him then run as fast as you can. However there's just so much beautifully written sorrow in it and again, there were passages that stole my breath away or made me swallow a lump in my throat or just straight up gasp on the train home from work.

"But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid? The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously the image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?"

"In the sunset of dissolution, everything is illuminated by the aura of nostalgia, even the guillotine."

I remember I underlined a lot in this book and like just searching for the passages I loved most has made me want to read it again.

🍒 The Bell Jar / Sylvia Plath

I just don't think I'd be a nymphet girlie on Tumblr if I didn't tell everyone that reading this book when I was just starting to feel the strain of uni was like, being hit with an emotional freight train and being relieved that it had hit me because that meant someone else had felt the same thing as me in the past. No one's going to write better about the intimate pain of womanhood than women I guess. The expectations everyone has on you to be bright young and beautiful like, no man's ever tapping into that no matter how empathetic they may be.

🍒 The Pachinko Parlour / Elisa Shua Dusapin

Similar to Sylvia Plath, there's just somet really touching and homely comforting when you read women in their late teens early twenties being lost and melancholic and wasting their life away and not achieving as much as they were supposed to, when you're a woman doing all of those things too. And that's what I am and what I was when I read this. The books written quite basically but not primitively, the sentences are all very simple but all the more touching for their simplicity I think.

🍒 Tristessa / Jack Kerouac

When I am miserable I put on Loveless by My Bloody Valentine and I lie in bed, languishing, reading this. It's literally just a real tragic story of love withering to loss and like, it's beat generation, and its written by an alcoholic wanker but, he's a sentimental, nostalgic wanker with a talent for making you feel sentimental and nostalgic for lives you never lived.

I'd also recommend Maggie Cassidy by the same man, his shorter novellas are really good and nowhere near as overwhelming as On The Road. Though On The Road is a good read if you have the time and patience for it.

🍒 The Dangers of Smoking In Bed / Mariana Enriquez

Some of the scariest short stories I've ever read fucked me up good and proper but also kick started my horror revival.

🍒 Rebecca / Daphne Du Maurier

Gothic and haunting but romantic too and she really really hits you in the chest when it comes to fancying gloomy older men who make you feel like a little girl. Again though her descriptions and sense of place are captivating, everything's vivid, you can really picture yourself in the gardens at Manderly. It's beautiful and dramatic and yeah, I love it. I read it at the height of a heatwave but I think it would also be a good autumn read tbh.

🍒 Wuthering Heights / Emily Brontë

Definitely read it when it gets cold and autumnal and gloomy. The books peak gloom. You hate every character and yet you feel their pain and root for them too. Idk I read it in the winter when I was sulking and at home in bed with a fever and it was really good, I've read it three times since haha.

🍒 Little Birds /Anaïs Nin

If you're gonna read Henry Miller you should read Anaïs Nin because she was his better half. She wrote erotica which men sent back complaining she ought to "cut the poetry" some of its very shocking but erotica back in the day was very much about challenging people and subverting the literary worlds expectation for art and stuff. I honestly think it's pretty feminist to read Anaïs Nin, as a teenage girl I think she taught me a lot about sexuality and definitely was how I learned sexuality isn't a masculine thing, that women's pleasure and desire is a fcking art form.

I will be straight up here and say with my whole chest that I haven't read enough women. When I was a teenager doing most of my reading I was reading the beat generation and the beats don't have many famous female writers among them because major sexism of the time meant that if a man went off and did drugs became a bum and lived the bohemian lifestyle he could be Jack Kerouac and be hailed a charming but gloomy tender author. When women did this they got carted off to institutions by their parents or became rhe victims of severe domestic violence. So for a long time I wasn't reading women because it didn't fit the genre I was into.

Then when I got back into horror I got deep into feminist horror but like, some of that is the likes of The Bloody Chamber which I read and HATED. I think basically what it is is that men who are good get published way more but also talked about way way more. Women who are good get published but not as often and when they do they get talked about less. Some of the best stuff I've ever read has been written by women but it's only in the last ten years started being translated because a lot of its from foreign countries and the literary worlds not long since stopped only publishing white men.

Anyways sorry for such a long post!!! If anyone decides to read any of these then let me know what you think of them!!!!

[teddyshoney]

I posted 546 times in 2022

65 posts created (12%)

481 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gleefulpoppet

@steph-luvs-klaine

@klainetkm

@jayhawk-writes

@klaineccfanficlibrary

I tagged 377 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags

#glee - 138 posts

#sweet sweet boys - 111 posts

#klaine - 107 posts

#blaine anderson - 105 posts

#kurt hummel - 98 posts

#klaine fanfic - 65 posts

#writing friends - 33 posts

#klaine fanart - 32 posts

#sweet sweet boy - 31 posts

#best friend writers - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#with blaine's help kurt grows into this confident boy who knows what he wants and can help blaine through his emotions and struggles

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So, the @gleeful-paintbox-project prompt got me inspired to write a little ficlet, which got me inspired to leave this open-ended so I can fill other prompts in a similar style. So, here we are with Glee According to Kurt Hummel.

The first ficlet in this...series?...is called Mr. Cellophane, in which Kurt is standing backstage, waiting to audition for the New Directions.

Ficlet below the cut. Or you can read it on AO3 or FF.net.

Kurt Hummel stood backstage behind the curtain, taking deep breaths and trying to calm the butterflies currently stirring up a tornado in his stomach. He thought he was going to be sick.

He could hear the clear, strong voice of Mercedes Jones demanding R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and it added more fear to the lump in his throat. He began to second-guess himself. Am I actually going to do this?

A beat went by, a beat of indecision. I shouldn't do this. It was a silly idea. I thought I could fit in somewhere, but I don't know how important that really is. I'm okay on my own. Right. Right? Am I? He immediately remembered some of the thoughts he had earlier in the hallway outside the counselor's office and shuddered. Maybe I'm not. Am I really going to do this?

He reminded himself that he had to. He could hear his dad's voice in his head, telling him that he wanted him to join a club. The request had come out as a do-this-or-else command, but Kurt had grown to know his father well enough since his mother's death to understand that his dad was looking out for him as best he could. He loved him, no matter how gruff he sounded or misunderstood Kurt felt at times. Kurt loved his dad, too, and appreciated his concern.

It did little to help the butterflies, though. Am I ready for this? I've never sung in front of other people before. What if they make fun of me? What if I sound bad? What if I can't hit that high note? Why didn't I pick a different song? Should I go a little more Top 40?

Then his thoughts shifted gears, moving to the future. He loved watching reality TV, and he had been on a kick recently, watching cast reunions and interviews. Will I make friends like that? he wondered. Will there be people I remember fondly, want to see at class reunions? Will I find someone who actually wants to be friends, who sees me for who I am? The thought Who knows I'm gay? flashed through his head, too, but he shoved that backward. Better to not be too hopeful, he told himself.

Just then, he heard Mercedes sing her final note. Then, there was the sound of Mr. Schuster's voice, saying something to her.

He took another deep breath in through his mouth and closed his eyes, letting it out ever so slowly through his nose. Center yourself. Focus. You can do this. Maybe it will even be fun.

He opened his eyes just as Mercedes walked by him, and he made himself give her a smile, however unconvincing. Then, he heard Mr. Schuster call out for the next person, and he took one last deep breath before he squared his shoulders and headed out on the stage. I just have to try. If I don't like it, I don't have to join. This doesn't have to define my high school career.

The next thing he knew, he was standing on the "X" in the middle of the stage. His voice came out stronger than he expected when he said, "Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be singing Mr. Cellophane."

46 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#4

Klaine 3-2-1 Prompt Bang Fic: When You Wish Upon a Star

Author: @teddyshoney

Artist: @teddyshoney

Prompt Provided by: @gleefulpoppet

Pairings: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel

Rating: M

Word Count: 15,459

Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Isabelle Wright

Summary: When Kurt leaves California for a fashion show to premiere his line he's been working on for a few years, he never expects to hear a familiar voice or see a familiar face, one that he hadn't thought he'd ever see or hear outside of his head. It all starts with one sentence, and it blossoms far beyond what either Kurt or his mysterious and handsome stranger could ever have imagined.

Genre/Tropes: Strangers to Lovers, Meet Cute, Soulmates

Warnings: None

50 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#3

Klaine 3-2-1 Prompt Bang Fic: To Serenade an Angel

Author: @teddyshoney

Artist: @teddyshoney

Prompt Provided by: @redheadgleek

Pairing: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel

Rating: T

Word Count: 12,375

Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Roderick Meeks, Trent, Nick

Summary: After the death of his father, Kurt receives a letter from a prestigious musical college, inviting him to attend. He decides to attend, and shortly after his arrival, he hears a strange voice beckoning him down a forbidden hallway. Kurt begins a relationship with the voice, unsure why he finds him so intriguing and why his heart beats more rapidly each time he thinks about the voice. Who does the voice belong to? And what does it want with him?

Genre/Tropes: Emotional hurt/comfort, friends to lovers

Warnings: minor character death mentioned; minor mentions of abuse

51 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

#2

This story is now complete! All 14 chapters have been written and posted! Thank you to everyone who has been reading! I appreciate all of you! And thank you very much to @klaine-word-scramble for the challenge! It's been fun!

Title: Words Unwritten; Stories Untold Chapter: 14/14 Words: 58,181 Summary: During his first ever author book signing event, self-published poetry author Blaine Anderson meets famous writer Kurt Hummel during a slightly awkward chance encounter. Blaine considers this to be a self-esteem boost and nothing more until an innocent-looking email turns into a whirlwind summer romance that Blaine is certain he'll never forget. To read it from Chapter 12 (the first new chapter), click HERE! To read it from the beginning, click HERE!

58 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Klaine 3-2-1 Prompt Bang Fic: Measure for Measure

Author: @teddyshoney

Artist: @datshitrandom

Prompt Provided by: @quizasvivamos

Pairings: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel

Rating: M

Word Count: 16,588

Characters: Kurt, Blaine, Sam, Tina, Mercedes, Mr. Schue, Ms. Pillsbury, Rachel (mentioned), Madame Tibideaux (mentioned)

Summary: Blaine Anderson, the new band and choir director for McKinley High School, immediately feels a connection to Kurt Hummel, the English teacher, during their initial teacher inservice days. He wants to get to know him, and after a conversation with the art teacher, Tina Cohen-Chang, he finds out that Kurt is stand-offish with nearly everyone at school—except his students—and his only real friend is Mercedes. Spurred on by his feelings, Blaine decides to do something brash: give himself five days to win Kurt Hummel. After he learns more about what secret Kurt's been hiding, however, that might prove to be a taller order than he'd originally thought.

Genre/Tropes: Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Pining, Love at First Sight, Drama

Warnings: Sexual content (see fic tags for more information)

Author's Notes: The title Measure for Measure has a double-meaning in this story! If you want to know how, check under the cut. I don't want to spoil it here! Many thanks to @datshitrandom for the gorgeous artwork. You can find another lovely piece below the cut that is also located at the end of the story! Also, a big shoutout to my friends, @jayhawk-writes and @gleefulpoppet for their support and beta skills! ❤️

Read it on AO3.

See the full post

65 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[denimbex1986]

'Seventy-eight years ago today, on August 9, 1945, the US military detonated a powerful atomic bomb over the Japanese city of Nagasaki, ultimately killing as many as 90,000 people, nearly all civilians. Yet Nagasaki today might as well be called the “forgotten A-bomb city.” Every August, media and public attention focuses overwhelmingly on Hiroshima, site of the first blast three days earlier—though the attack on Nagasaki was in many ways even more questionable and appalling.

Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer did nothing to change that narrative. The Nolan film...barely mentions the Nagasaki bombing, and when it does, it’s a parenthetical or an awkward reference, such as when one character cites the destruction in Hiroshima and Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) adds, “and Nagasaki.” This is unfortunate, especially since the real-life Oppenheimer exhibited few qualms about the massive loss of life in Hiroshima but appeared haunted and possibly regretful in the wake of the Nagasaki bombing.

Some of the other scientists at Los Alamos who celebrated the Hiroshima bomb would later claim they felt physically sick upon learning of the second attack. “Dropping the bomb on Hiroshima was a mistake,” Samuel I. Allison, a leading Manhattan Project scientist at the Met Lab in Chicago, declared years later. “Dropping the bomb on Nagasaki was an atrocity.” While historians remain divided on the justification for bombing Hiroshima, even some supporters of the first attack declared the Nagasaki annihilation avoidable. Telford Taylor, chief prosecutor at the Nuremberg Nazi trials, asserted that while the “rights and wrong of Hiroshima are debatable” he had “never heard a plausible justification of Nagasaki.”

The history of Hollywood downplaying Nagasaki goes back to 1947 and the first movie drama about the bomb, MGM’s The Beginning or the End. As development progressed on that film, the Nagasaki attack gradually lost its place in the script and in the end it received no mention at all. You could watch that film start to finish and have no idea we even dropped a second bomb. Oppenheimer does a bit better than that, at least.

From the start, whenever the attacks on Japan were recalled in the media, that one word, “Hiroshima,” was inevitably used as shorthand for both. This left Nagasaki to sink almost into oblivion. Few journalists bothered to visit. Nobody ever wrote the Nagasaki counterpart to John Hershey’s Hiroshima or produced a film titled, Nagasaki, Mon Amour. “We are an asterisk,” Shinji Takahashi, a Nagasaki sociologist, told me with some bitterness when I visited the city.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., who survived the firebombing of Dresden in World War II, would later say, “The most racist, nastiest act by this country, after human slavery, was the bombing of Nagasaki.” He described it as “purely blowing away yellow men, women, and children. I’m glad I’m not a scientist because I’d feel so guilty now.” Footage of gruesomely injured Nagasaki civilians, most of them women and children, taken by Japanese and US Army teams after the war, would be buried by American officials for decades.

Nagasaki, with a population of 250,000, served as an important site for Mitsubishi’s industrial war effort, but by 1945 the Allies’ blockade of Japan was severely cutting production. Few Japanese soldiers were stationed there—far less than in Hiroshima—and only about 250 would perish as a result of the Nagasaki blast, along with several Dutch POWs.

The second bomb was actually intended for Kokura, but in a lucky break for its residents, the city was obscured by clouds, and the B-29 shuttling the ���Fat Man” was rerouted to Nagasaki. This plutonium bomb had a yield of 22 kilotons, almost double the destructive power of the uranium bomb deployed against Hiroshima. It exploded more than a mile off target, detonating almost directly over the cathedral (the largest in the Far East) in the Urakami district, home to most of Nagasaki’s 10,000 Catholics. The blast rippled up the narrow Urakami Valley but didn’t reach the city’s congested harbor area or climb any major ridge. Had it exploded over the city center, its toll would have made Hiroshima, in one important sense, the Second City. Nothing alive would have escaped, perhaps not even the most untroubled conscience half a world away.

One has to wonder about the impulse to almost immediately deploy a second bomb, and one far more powerful than the first. Why didn’t Truman step in after Hiroshima and give Japan a few more days to contemplate surrender before targeting another civilian population for extinction? The United States knew its ally, the Soviet Union, would join the war within hours, as previously agreed upon, and that the entrance of this mortal enemy of Japan would likely speed the surrender. (Indeed, as I noted previously, Truman wrote in his diary that Stalin’s promise to attack Japan meant “Fini Japs,” with or without the use of America’s new weapon.)

If the USSR jumped in, however, it might have prompted a wider Soviet claim on Japanese conquests in Asia. In short, US military officials felt there was much to gain by getting the war over before the Russians advanced. In that sense, the Nagasaki bomb was not the last shot of World War II but the first blow of the Cold War. In any case, there was no presidential directive specifically related to dropping the second bomb. The atomic weapons in America’s arsenal, according to the official order, were to be used “as soon as made ready.” The people of Nagasaki were thus the first—and, so far, only—victims of automated nuclear warfare.

The man perhaps most responsible for the Nagasaki bomb was not Truman, but Gen. Leslie R. Groves, director of the Manhattan Project. Groves had fiercely promoted using the first bomb and stifled attempts by scientists (not including Oppenheimer) to convince Truman otherwise.

Truman had never explicitly endorsed the notion of a necessary “one-two punch.” It was Groves who was the true believer and the catalyst. In the immediate aftermath of Hiroshima, he pushed for a second mission, just as the authority to carry out the attack passed to him from Truman (who was on a ship returning from negotiations with the Soviets in Potsdam). “I didn’t have to have the president press the button on this affair,” he would later boast.

The second bombing run was originally set for around August 11, which would have come a full day after Japan’s initial offer of surrender. But with bad weather forecast, Groves pushed up the mission two days, despite knowing his decision would mean rushing preparations on the Pacific island of Tinian. Another complication: Pilots had been ordered not to release the weapon until they were able to see the target with their own eyes.

Stormy conditions, as it turned out, were also forecast for August 9. The lead plane, piloted by Charles Sweeney, took off anyway despite a faulty fuel pump. When he found the primary target, Kokura, covered by clouds, he pushed on to Nagasaki despite dwindling fuel, only to find that city shrouded as well. When a small gap was spotted in the cloud cover—or so the bombardier claimed—the crew released its payload, off target but still lethal.

The bombing was preordained by Groves’ determination for what he called a “knockout blow,” which he had signaled to subordinates, including pilot Sweeney—even though Japanese leaders had barely had time to absorb the shock and devastation of the first bomb. The means to an end had become an end in itself. As Groves would later explain, “Once you get your opponent reeling, you keep him reeling and never let him recover.” Groves, noted war scholar Ian Clark, “was prepared to sacrifice all of the previously elaborated guidelines in order to implement his own strategy.”

Prior to Japan’s surrender, Truman, who’d been reading about, as he put it, “all those kids” killed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, declared that no more atomic weapons would be dropped over Japan without his express approval.

Groves later had the nerve to claim in his memoir, Now It Can Be Told, that he was “considerably relieved” to learn the Nagasaki bomb had landed off target, meaning “a smaller number of casualties than we had expected.” And when reports of deaths from radiation disease emerged in the weeks after the bombings, he called it “a hoax or propaganda,” and questioned whether there was “any difference between Japanese blood and others.” He also claimed that he’d been told by doctors that radiation sickness “is a very pleasant way to die.” Matt Damon, who portrayed Groves with much sympathy in Oppenheimer, should thank his lucky stars, and Christopher Nolan, for sparing him from delivering those lines.

The Nagasaki tragedy—or war crime, if you will—might have been prevented had Truman and his aides kept closer watch on the atomic assembly line. They simply didn’t care or, to be charitable, didn’t take care. It is far from clear that the second bomb did much to hasten an inevitable Japanese surrender. Alas, none of this historical or moral complexity has made it into the final script of any Hollywood drama—not even Oppenheimer.'

[breakersmansh]

June 17, 2023 / 17 Ògmhios 2566 EB

Hey dude and everyone, how was your day? Happy holiday coming up this weekend. Someone at the beach says there’s a holiday this weekend. Enjoy :) 🫂🙂👋 oh, and then Juneteenth is Monday? I I didn’t know what Juneteenth was until college. Texas thing that became a national holiday—wild.

Weather in Chicago is .

My dad doesn’t talk to me very much ever since an awkward Christmas in 2020. There were a couple of Jews at BYU. Inhale, exhale. He’s sick though and I need to remember to call his name into the Boston Mass temple. She’s the temple who makes the most sense to me right now. Southern New England is a place very home to me. Among people, I think a lot about this guy named Noah Steinman. Noah Boah. Just this guy from middle school. Him and his friend MegN Meg in Connecticut. Ice ive I’ve mostly been to East Hartford and to Old Saybrool k Saybrook way in the southeastern corner, to go to Wells Fargo. Sometimes I cry out, "Noah!" "Trusty!" Richard Bushman says in Rough Stone Rolling that Noah is the archangel Gabriel or somethhi b something — he has this one paragraph where he lists out seven archangels. Is this Columbia tomfoolery, or sonethi even something even more dark and disturbing within Utah history? What would my life have been like if I had gone to Bowdoin? One of my childhood best friends, Ethan, went to—he says I don’t remember the name of his college. Our most recent convo was great. Over a year ago but great. He was posting an Instagram story of himself sitting in traffic and I told myself a joke that he was filming porn lol. Sitting in traffic and bragging about how he kicked his boyfriend out. Lol it was he was hot. Sitting in traffic on the way to a ski resort. Hard to explain why I would call that porn. I just — I mentioned that Idaho has a ski basin called Bogus Basin, and he expressed annoyance. I used to say this phrase while living in Idaho — "and the Catholics in North Idaho are so annoyed that [we] changed the time zone to an entirely separate time zone to distinguish ourselves from the rest of the state." Pulled from F. Ross Peterson’s history of Idaho. He wrote a cool book called Christmas in Montpelier. Montpelier was about an hour east of where I lived in southern Idaho. Small town Idaho. Hm. I re — I’ve told enough stories. My neighbor Molly and her husband were very great neighbors. Me, them, and a woman from my high school named Jill, celebrated a Jewish holiday called Tubishevat together in 2021. The New Year for Trees.

I need to think about where whether that phrase is anti-Catholic. A few sentences up, about changing the time zone. Cause North Idaho is in PacificTime and the rest of Idaho is in Mountain Time. She was a fun phrase to say; that phase was entirely before I met Reap though. There are Facebook groups called "Moving to North Idaho" and such. I was sad that I lived in Southern Idaho, and one of my friends from BYU made sure to police me. She hasd had a rough experience at BYU. Maybe going on a date w/ me was one of the more uplifting parts. I almost made him to North Idaho.

I had a pretty peaceful Saturday. Wandered around the city a bunch. Practiced some DVT DBT skills. Found a Modelo beer can, Kurt’s fav beer brand five years ago, by the beach. Picked her up to either recycle her or keep her as a memento. With the way I’m using him/her/they/them instead of it, when possible, makes me think about how most words in French are gendered. I was supposed to do this speech therapy gender-affirming clinic, although he seems like I’m somewhat figuring her out on my own.

Said hello to the ladies a lot today, and they were really fun to talk to. Other hangers Gen genders as well.

My staffer at the pizza shop was sad.

I thought of writing a Wikipedia article about this Prep Tumblr phenomenon I keep talking about. This group from 201-

2012-2015 or so on Tumblr. I’m probably gonna invite my friends C (Chrissy) and A(Alexandria) as well. So funny. They were on Tumblr with me—I bet some of you were on Prep Tumblr too or Tumblr Tumblr. There was a woman named phdprep who both kept me willing to get out of bed, during the toughest parts of college, and also directly inspired my fashion choices when I got a job at Utah State University. I remember one night she kept prodding and prodding and liking my posts until she knew I was willing to keep trying— that’s a behavior mentioned on r/raisedbynarcissists and I think it’s true that peers motivati no and motivating and supporting each other feels different from child psychology. Right now, certain — there was also this dude drink the talk / drinkthentalk/ imactuallyagoodkid. Catholicboysintrouble needs to and maybe will get a full page to itself. It’s cool how just browsing the internet you can learn a bunch. 50starsand13bars, which inspired the first subreddit I became a mod of. If ppl ar e not interested in Prep Tumblr, there’s so much to say about Tumblr or internet culture in general. You know how Wikipedia articles have hyperlinks within them to other stuff? Other topics include porn on Tumblr, Yahoo’s CEO and her optimistic attempts to buy Tumblr, and much else that anyone else may want.

Reaper, Scurius, ifoundxaway, bythepalemoonlight, and anyone else interested are deffy welcome

For broey, if this is the last chance I get. Love you platonically. My Tumblr is named after a mansion in Rhode Island called The Breakers — breakersmansh. It’s she’s a little raunchy. My posts will be there if you want or need to take Reddit for Men to the next level. I’m here with you in solidarity.

I’m stoked to go to bed. Have a gentle Sunday or fun Sunday, whatevski. Mine will be gentle. My head hurts, in a good way.

Kurt and I had gotten into a mild argument at the dinner table—Taco Tuesday, Cameron’s favorite—about whether he should drink and drive. He won the argument, and I still remember the brand name of that beer, Modelo, to this day. We had this inside joke called Park City Gentlemen’s Club, and I passed a Gentlemen’s Club while I was wandering the city today—realized how much better our club was. Lots of better memories w/ Reap this past year too.

It is checking hecking chilly in this city. Hope tou had you had a good day. Love you, good night. I’m planning to post daily. Sometimes for Jewish holidays I might abstain, or when I’m in the hospital, jail (gosh forbid), or on a cruise ship with no internet or something. This year I learned why some people observe Passover by taking the whole 7 or 8 days off of work. It’s because he’s because Jewish life can be exhausting. Stoked for Cath Sab. 😍🥰😍🥳 Seems like ppl are gonna use biolenvd, violence, emotional pressure, and logical arguments, to keep Judaism alive one way or other after the Holocaust. G-d judges; who am I to judge?

I wore Nike and she felt great. Nike blue shorts that smell like butt, and that was refreshing. Some Elon Musk in my life, lol. Taking a break from Abercrombie Fierce for a while. Kurt worked at te the Nike store. I didn’t mention that because she’s a minor detail. There was a big outlet mall, like Wrentham or the other one that starts with a W, and many stores to choose from. Considering becoming a Nike person; Nike worked great for CrossFit. Maybe to wear Nike around too. I’m wearing a Ralph Lauren long sleeve grey tee from Wrentham that coat coat cost like $12 or $20 bucks. They have all kinds of discounts. I remember from that day, August 2022, just talking to the staffers there and searching hard for what I wanted. I bought a rugby shirt that ended up being a source of warmth and comfort during the rough Rhode Island winter—Reaper was right, winters near there are rough. So many of the concepts I tried to enact as a teenager, fashion wise are coming together now, and that’s awesome. A lot of my teenage fashion was clumsy and awkward for numerous reasons.

Good night. Happy holiday. Hope your Sundays are great. Love

Gonna read one chapter from the Book of Mormon. I think I’m on 1 Nephi 6. Or 1 Nephi 3. This read through will be very slow and painful for multiple reasons. Ppl are invited to read with me if you want. She’s ultimately just a banned book, like many books on the Index Library Prohibitorum. Banned books are kind of a librarian value, although right now I’m actually scared to even go inside public libraries. I went to public libraries a bunch during the pandemic though. University libraries are my fav, followed — are my fav. Go figure. Slainte

If I did go inside a public library, I would want to read Angels in America because I think it he would help me refine my intellectual conclusions about the epistemology of Utah psychiatry. The Hercules Disney movie would probably accomplish a similar effect. I don’t know exactly what Angels I’m A In America is about. Just—just—I know the book is vaguely thematically relevant to what Utah psychiatry is about. Not referring to the grandfather figure saying "show me you can behave!!!!!!!" which makes me laugh so hard. His commentary. You can laugh about hos his sex joke and find comic relief from Utah, or you can think about fundamentalist polygamous groups in Utah where the grandfather has sex with his granddaughter—perhaps that’s only Warren Jeffs. I’m grateful to Reap for helping me with many stuff and just also adding complexit y to my psychiatry opinions. 👋🙂🏈

Of course, Michel Foucault ‘a ‘s commentary on psychiatry: History of Sexuality: Discipline and Punish. I remember being so shocked at age 18 that no one in psychiatry had read that book. Swirls on me and good preview of my entire adulthood, lol. My entire adulthood so far at least :)

Nite ☘️ miss you, hope you had a rad day, if not hope tomorrow gets better. Available to be decked or spoken to :)

[dislocatedskeleton]

MY TOP 100 ALBUMS OF 2022

100. Arcade Fire - WE

99. Julia Jacklin - PRE PLEASURE

98. Kurt Vile - (watch my moves)

97. Maggie Rogers - Surrender

96. Animal Collective - Time Skiffs

95. Let’s Eat Grandma - Two Ribbons

94. Kaelin Ellis - THE FUNK WILL PREVAIL

93. Hurray for the Riff Raff - LIFE ON EARTH

92. Sunni Colón - JúJú & The Flowerbug

91. Ari Lennox - age/sex/location

90. Phony Ppl - Euphonyus

89. Toro y Moi - MAHAL

88. Interpol - The Other Side of Make Believe

87. BRONZE AVERY - SOFTMETAL

86. Darius - OASIS

85. Empath - Visitor

84. Dehd - Blue Skies

83. Soccer Mommy - Sometimes, Forever

82. Insightful - 33

81. Moonchild - Starfruit

80. Flwr Chyld - Luv N Chaos

79. Sabrina Claudio - Based On A Feeling

78. Drake - Honestly, Nevermind

77. Kehlani - blue water road

76. Larry June - Spaceships on the Blade

75. India Shawn - BEFORE WE GO (DEEPER)

74. Black Country, New Road - Ants From Up There

73. Florist - Florist

72. beabadoobee - Beatopia

71. The Simps - Siblings

70. Mabel - About Last Night…

69. Elujay - Circmvnt

68. Lizzy McAlpine - five seconds flat

67. MAVI - Laughing So Hard, It Hurts

66. Beach House - Once Twice Melody

65. Denzel Curry - Melt My Eyez See Your Future

64. BANKS - Serpentina

63. NEIL FRANCES - There Is No Neil Frances

62. Sudan Archives - Natural Brown Prom Queen

61. CKay - Sad Romance

60. Alex Isley - Marigold

59. Giveon - Give Or Take

58. Ella Mai - Heart On My Sleeve

57. Shamir - Heterosexuality

56. Fana Hues - flora + fana

55. Bakar - Nobody’s Home

54. Wet Leg - Wet Leg

53. Joji - SMITHEREENS

52. MICHELLE - AFTER DINNER WE TALK DREAMS

51. Nas - King’s Disease III

50. Megan Thee Stallion - Traumazine

49. Vince Staples - RAMONA PARK BROKE MY HEART

48. Lizzo - Special

47. Lil Silva - Yesterday Is Heavy

46. Tank and The Bangas - Red Balloon

45. Kota The Friend - MEMO

44. Saib - Unwind

43. Mallrat - Butterfly Blue

42. Hayden James - LIFTED

41. Earl Sweatshirt - SICK!

40. Vegyn - Don't Follow Me Because I'm Lost Too

39. BROCKHAMPTON - The Family

38. MIA GLADSTONE - LOOPY

37. Years & Years - Night Call

36. Ruru - Glorious Miscellanea

35. redveil - learn 2 swim

34. Bonobo - Fragments

33. alt-J - The Dream

32. OSHUN - vol ii

31. JID - The Forever Story

30. BAYNK - ADOLESCENCE

29. BROCKHAMPTON - TM

28. 070 Shake - You Can’t Kill Me

27. Joey Bada$$ - 2000

26. Shygirl - Nymph

25. Kendrick Lamar - Mr Morale & The Big Steppers

24. FKJ - V I N C E N T

23. Bjork - Fossora

22. Jadu Jadu & TAMBALA - listen//waves

21. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cool It Down

20. Cruel Santino - Subaru Boys: FINAL HEAVEN

19. Jacob Rochester - Holding Out, Vol. 3

18. Fred again… - Actual Life 3 (Jan 1 - Sept 9 2022)

17. Beau Diako - Nylon

16. Ethel Cain - Preacher’s Daughter

15. Thee Sacred Souls - Thee Sacred Souls

14. Obongjayar - Some Nights I Dream Of Doors

13. DOMi & JD BECK - NOT TiGHT

12. Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights

11. Kenny Beats - LOUIE

10. SAULT - 11

9. Robert Glasper - Black Radio III

8. Saba - Few Good Things

7. Beyoncé - RENAISSANCE

6. Smino - Love 4 Rent

5. SZA - SOS

4. ROSALÍA - MOTOMAMI

3. Bad Bunny - Un Verano Sin Ti

2. FKA twigs - CAPRISONGS

1. Omar Apollo - Ivory

[kzeeel]

"New Beginnings"

According to Heraclitus, change is the only constant. There are a lot of different circumstances that may transform our lives whether we want it or not. This may be good or bad, yet we do not have a choice but to tackle it head-on. In the life of a simple senior high school student, there are a lot of situations that were put into that made me a product of change. The biggest event that changed his whole life was when he experienced being into a pandemic.

As the majority say, the third year or ninth grade is the most challenging year in high school yet, it is also the most memorable. This was witnessed by a student named Kurt Axzel C. Arcellano. Even before the kid's classes started, he knew it would be a blast by just seeing the list of his classmates. A lot of familiar and close names can be found on that list that made him think that it is too good to be true. Given his best friend, there are also a lot of familiar names who he knows he would have a good bond with. As Kurt traveled his journey towards his ninth grade year, he interacted with his other classmates and built a good connection with a number of people. He wished that his third year at high school would not end. But due to an unexpected happening, Kurt was not aware of the big change he would encounter. He never knew that the end of his ninth grade year was the beginning of a new turning point in his life. The year 2020, the Coronavirus or also known as Covid-19 spread throughout the whole world. This sickness became the cause of death of a lot of people wherein a total lockdown was done by countries around the world.

On the first day, Kurt has no idea on what to do being stuck in the house. Of course, his mind is focused on the things he planned to do for the upcoming summer. Yet, due to ECQ or Enhanced Community Quarantine, his list of plans were canceled. Basketball is the first thing that comes to his mind when summer approaches. But due to not being able to go outside, Kurt decided to make his body fit to still play basketball. He started his quarantine lifting weights and doing cardiovascular exercises. Kurt was unhabituated doing exercise, specifically lifting weights. But he knows that struggling is the first phase when you lift. So that’s when he decided to pursue it until progress shows on what he does. But Kurt is still unsatisfied with just lifting weights especially when he is unsure on how long he would stay locked up inside of his house. That is when he recalled an old habit he used to do, watching anime. Before starting to do so, Kurt saw an announcement on the news that the lockdown would be extended and that is when he wholeheartedly decided to start watching again. He has tons of anime series to begin with, but his first choice is what is considered as one of the best anime, Naruto and Naruto Shippuden. That was a long series for him but he loved watching it because of the story line and his favorite character, Uchiha Itachi. A lot of other anime series were watched by Kurt such as ‘Haikyuu!!’, ‘Fire Force’, ‘Black Clover’, ‘Jujutsu Kaisen’ etc. But he did not just stop by watching anime. He also read manga of the anime that is not finished being animated yet. ‘Tokyo Revengers’ was the manga that became his favorite because of the characters and the amazing plot. This was the reason why he did not notice how much time passed by since the beginning of the lockdown.

Five weeks of being locked down in the enhanced community quarantine has passed. A lot of things change for Kurt, both physically and mentally. He saw the development of his body. His biceps grew larger, the outline on his ab began to show up, and his shoulders became more broad. While his physical body changed positively, his mental health started to experience a downfall. Being stuck in the house made him miss a lot of things. His friends, attending school, and playing basketball. On top of all of that, the event that gave him a hard time is going through a break up. A lot of sleepless nights and tears have been shredded by the boy. Yet, he knows to himself that the most needed person to be able to move on is only himself. With this, he uses the pain he is experiencing to open up a lot of other things that are never experienced by him. He added extra work in exercising, he started trying out meditation, and learned how to improve himself in interacting with others. Time passed by and he completely healed and accepted the situation. Along this is he was able to improve himself and improved interacting with others.

In the month of July, Kurt watched the news about the re-opening of classes. He was so confused about the new learning system that would be applied, and that is the Online Learning System or also known as Online Classes. He chose to attend his first online learning at his old school, Colegio San Agustin Biñan and graduated here and was one of the awardees. Before Kurt choose what school he would attend in senior high school, he first considered all the factors that would be practical on attending his school since this is the first time he would experience attending online classes. His first choice was still his old school, Colegio San Agustin Biñan. But due to the tuition fee and the first year he experienced online class, he was able to say that it would be not practical. This is the same reason why he chose not to attend his second choice which is De La Salle University Dasmariñas. But after asking help from his friends, he considered studying in his current school, University of Perpetual Help System Laguna.

Kurt’s first year at Perpetual was a little bit of a struggle. He has no idea who his classmates are, the way of teaching, and the environment he will experience. Before attending school, he decided to only focus on his studies only and not expect to be close with his classmates. But as the school year started, he saw that his classmates were also fun to be and easy to get along with. Until now, Kurt is able to get along with his classmates well. Although, now, he is not able to focus well on his studies.

Kurt Axzel C. Arcellano has gone through many situations in his life. He has a lot of regrets and shortcomings he was not able to handle well. But Kurt never looked back on the past and learned how to move forward in his life. Because of the pandemic, he was able to reflect and choose to be better everyday in the life he is living and this is by not worrying about the past. Instead, taking the right action on how to lead himself for a better future.

[silver-stargazing]

As another epilepsy awareness month and another excellent Epilepticon wraps up (thank you @haikyuupaladin for bringing this together!), I wanted to stress the importance of learning and researching the history of epilepsy and the epilepsy community, especially for folks with epilepsy.

I know it sounds intimidating. I put off learning about the centuries of history related to epilepsy for ages because I knew I would encounter some difficult and horrifying facts. But I truly think that it is essential that we learn about epileptics from the past, about their lives and how they were treated, in order to continue to make forward progress in present-day society's treatment of us.

The horrible treatment of epileptics through the widespread legal discrimination, institutionalization, and forced sterilization of epileptics from the 1800s-mid-1900s is still being felt today, whether it be through the concept of an "epileptic criminal personality" heavily impacting the study and influence of eugenics which still unfortunately has sway over some people in positions of power or the fact that, like many current disabled communities, the modern epilepsy community was founded in the aftermath of the slow collapse of the institution system and that there are still survivors of the institution system in our community. Their histories should not be forgotten.

In terms of where I would recommend starting, I would definitely give The History and Stigma of Epilepsy a read for covering the basics of epilepsy history. It's also a free article so that's nice!

That article also provides some recs for other material such as The Falling Sickness by Oswei Temkin, which I found to be a very engaging read covering epilepsy history dating back to the Ancient Babylonians.

I would also recommend The End of Epilepsy?: A History of the Modern Era of Epilepsy Research 1860-2010 by Dieter Schmidt & Simon Shorvon, which, in addition to giving some very detailed info on the early medical treatment for epilepsy, gave one of the best explanations as to why there always seems to be a slight disconnect between the epilepsy community and the wider disability community (long story short: there was essentially a rift between the communities in the 1800s that is only recently being repaired).

For a Non-Western look at epilepsy treatment, it's been recommended several times over in the epilepsy community but I can't emphasize enough how great The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman is at covering how different cultures interact with epilepsy and epileptics, in particular the Hmong culture.

I always recommend reading auto-biographies to understand a lived experience, such as A Mind Unraveled by Kurt Eichenwald (aka the first US citizen to successfully press charges over having a photosensitive seizure caused by a maliciously sent flashing gif) and Gotham Girl Interrupted by Alisa Jones Kennedy.

I would also recommend learning about epileptics in general and how we've impacted the world around us. Learn about Tony Coelho, an epileptic Californian representative who was considered the primary sponsor for the Americans with Disability Act and gave some fairly crucial testimony back in the 80s that helped move the Act into law.

Learn about Louise Augustine Gleizes, a 19th-century French woman who had seizures and, along with several other women, was exploited by her hospital and her neurologist into taking photographs and giving public demonstrations of her seizures that still largely define our visual language of what a seizure looks like. She also managed to break out of her hospital in disguise and completely erase herself from history so that's pretty awesome as well.

I know that epilepsy history is not an easy field to learn about, what with the lack of readily accessible free material and the overall lack of research in this field in general. However, if you get the chance, please consider learning more about the history of epileptics and of the epilepsy community at large.

Epilepticon Day 30 prompt

Thank you to everyone who’s participated this month! Whether you answered one prompt or all 30, it was great to see both new and familiar faces come together to talk this month!

I know I can’t possibly cover everything everyone wants to talk about with my prompts, so today’s prompt is to talk about something you had hoped to have the opportunity to talk about this month but weren’t given the right prompt to talk about it! Whether it’s directly related to your epilepsy or something you hope connects you to members of the epilepsy community in a different way (like maybe you collect something, or maybe you want to go into further detail about the epilepsy spaceship crew), anything is fair game!

[anomalyreads]

Let me hold your hand by Fearlessly

Title: Let me hold your hand 

Author: @fearlesslysgleefics

Summary: Kurt opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out except a pathetic broken sob. Hearing Blaine’s words and watching his body shut down from heartache was nothing short of excruciating for Kurt. He knew Blaine was right. If he walked out there was no coming back...

Read on AO3

If the two breakups in canon weren't enough for you: here, have another one. As I am a sucker for angst and pining and reconciliation and more angst, I could simply not stay away.

This was a clever take on the "traditional" amnesia fic, and I enjoyed it thoroughly (including all of the time when I was crying, which was more than half of the time). In particular, I loved the flashbacks. Lovely, heartbreaking and very well written.

[hockeynoses]

My Fic: Masterlist

I have enough fic now that I think it’s a good idea to have them organized in a masterpost. So here’s a list of all my fics under the cut!

---

Generic:

Happy Halloween: A guy wakes up with a bad cold on Halloween.

A man wakes up with a terrible cold, and his wife, who happens to have the fetish, is thrilled.

“Told You So” flu shot ficlet

---

Stranger Things: Steddie

How Do I Get You Alone?  Steve and Eddie go to a wedding. Steve is allergic to the flowers. Eddie is…distracted. After the wedding they escape somewhere private and um…yeah.

My first Sick!Steve fic: Steve is sick. Eddie takes care of him, and somehow gets roped into watching Top Gun.

Steve wearing Eddie’s hoodie when he’s sick. It’s questionable if Eddie’s ever gonna want it back after this.

Anon request:  Steve having a pretty messy cold and Eddie catching his sneezes.

A request for allergic Steve:  Steve, Eddie, and Robin all live together. Robin is cat-sitting for Vickie, and Steve is allergic.

Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room:  A request for Steve with a messy cold + allergies. Steve’s at school with a bad cold. A classmate has some perfume that he’s allergic to, and he has to escape to the bathroom to snz his head off in peace. Turns out, Eddie is skipping class and is already in the stall next to him.

you’re gonna have to ask me: “Okay, Stevie, here’s what we’re gonna do,” Eddie says with a mischievous glint in his eye, “I’m gonna hold the tissues,” he holds the full box up, “and you’re gonna ask me every time you need one.”

‘cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin:  Steve’s got a really bad cold, but he promised he’d make some muffins for the Hellfire club meeting tomorrow. Things do not go as planned, and Eddie has to convince him to go back to bed.

Sick!Steve & platonic Chrissy - A College AU: Steve and Chrissy have a class together and Steve shows up with a terrible cold.

Sick!Steve - A College AU Part 2: A sequel to the above fic. Steve is sick again. This time he's in class with Eddie, but they don't know each other yet. Eddie has the fetish and it's from his POV.

baby, you burn so hot:  Steve is coming down with the flu, but he’s in denial and is outside working on the house. Eddie has to haul his ass inside and make him stay in bed. (With bonus fever-fucking!)

Dishes: Steve is sick and attempts to do the dishes. H/C fluff!

Calling In: Steve is sick and hopes that he won’t have to call off of work tomorrow. Eddie thinks he’s delusional.

what spring does: It’s been a long winter and spring is finally here. Eddie’s in the house working on music while Steve is out working in the yard. Steve purposefully forgets to take his allergy meds.

fix me up along the line:  Steve is traveling for work and is super sick. He calls Eddie from his hotel room.

and call me in the morning:  A college AU where Steve is sick and in order to get excused from class, he has to get a doctor's note from the university clinic. Eddie is a med student who works at the clinic.

---

Ted Lasso: Roy / Jamie

cold denial ficlet: It’s Roy’s birthday and Jamie isn’t going to let a little cold ruin it.

rain on me: Jamie is sick. He and Roy are cuddled up in bed, and Jamie can't really help himself and accidentally sneezes all over Roy's shirt.

Hot Tub Snzs: Jamie suggests Roy get into the hot tub to clear his sinuses. Roy's hands are wet and Jamie ends up holding the tissues for him.

Served Just the Way You Like: Jamie is sick on game day but thinks he can still play. Roy refuses to let him, but he finds a way he can still be useful – infecting the opposing team with his cold.

somnophilia snz fic: Consensual somnophilia when Jamie has a cold. Includes snzing into the covers. Roy has the kink.

---

Spree:

and baby, baby, you can see me: Kurt is sick and does a chhinkni review for his followers.

---

Hockey RPF:

Brad Marchand: Allergic Interview. Here

Brad/Patrice: Cinnamon Toast Crunch - A fluffy sickfic. Here

Sid/Geno: Sick Assist - Geno is sick and Sid brings him tissues and soup. Here

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

@hkvoyage just recently posted a whole bunch of fics (some old) about firefighter Blaine. There were 2 that used to be on s&c & I was wondering if anyone had a copy of these: Carrying On (xBleedingblackrosex) & A Blinding Burn and it's sequel You Said There's Tons of Fish in the water?? Also not connected to this,but does anyone have a copy of Heart of Glass by Framby?Sorry to ask so much of you guys, if it's too much trouble don't worry about it,thank you so much. 🙂😘

Fortunately, a couple of these fics were cross-posted to FF.net, and you can read them there. If you want to download them, I suggest you use fichub.net to create the electronic file. I think you misread the post - "A Burn for More" is the sequel to "A Burn for More".

Carrying On by xBleedingBlackRosex [PDF] [EPUB]

Fire brought them together. Could fire also split them apart? fireman!Blaine, established Klaine. Set in Stoney's "Where There's Smoke" AU

~~~~~

A Blinding Burn by IJustCantSeemToFigureItIn

Kurt and Blaine bury themselves in their work for different reasons. Rachel and Sebastian are sick of their friends being like this for the same reason. So what happens when Sebastian and Rachel execute a plan to set Kurt and Blaine up on a blind date... With each other.

Sequel: A Burn For More

~~~~~

You Said There's Tones Of Fish In The Water by IJustCantSeemToFigureItIn

Kurt is 23, he's been dating Blaine for a year and they are now engaged to be married. Of course he's excited, but how much more of Blaine's job can he take? Blaine is 23, He proposed to Kurt when they moved in together. Of course he can't wait to get married, but what is going to do when he's forced to choose between the love of his life and the job that's taking over his life?

~~~~~

Heart Of Glass by Framby [PDF] [EPUB]

At the end of his senior year, Blaine left Kurt and Ohio without explanation. When they are forced to work together Kurt just wants to get it over with as painlessly as possible. Little does he know that Blaine's secret will turn his life upside down. MPREG

[wowbright]

Fic: Curb Your Enthusiasm

Tan Hands and Tan Lines Sophisticated Word Challenge 2021: quixotic

Words: ~ 1350 words

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Kurt’s new companion needs to stop flirting with investigators.

I’m belatedly going through the prompts for The Tan Hands and Tan Lines Summer Event 2021 to flesh out my Mormon!Klaine universe. This one takes place in the first week of their mission, directly after Flirting with Danger.

My Mormon!Klaine Masterpost.

Notes: ‘Süsse’ means ‘sweetie.’ If you have any questions or typo corrections, feel free to use my ask box!

-------

Other than their conversation with Harmonie and Dolcezza, their afternoon on campus was uneventful. Only two students had been interested in taking the religion survey, and they both turned out to be atheists. The likelihood of anyone showing up to their English group seemed slim. They’d given out a lot of flyers, but Kurt noticed almost as many in the recycling bins as they left campus.

Maybe Harmonie and Dolcezza would show up—they’d ended up touching on some important points despite the flirting.

Yes, Dolcezza continued commenting on Elder Anderson’s looks and his handsome brown eyes and asking him if he was sure he didn’t have relatives from southern Italy, and when he said the closest his ancestry brought him to Italy was Portugal, Dolcezza granted that Portuguese had an even more romantic cadence than Italian.

Even worse, Elder Anderson encouraged all this with his batting eyelashes, his aw shucks facial expressions, and his ridiculous statement that it was hard to imagine any language sounding more romantic than Italian.

But Kurt had managed to wedge in a bit about the plan of salvation during the pauses in Elder Anderson’s flirting with Dolcezza. Harmonie, apparently also sick of the flirting, hooked onto what Kurt offered and asked probing questions. But Kurt hadn’t been able to get either girl to commit to coming to the English group, and they had refused the number of the sister missionaries when Kurt offered it.

“I’ll tell you what,” Dolcezza had said. “If Elder Anderson promises to learn some Portuguese from me, I’ll learn some English from you.”

“That would be fun!” Elder Anderson grinned like a kid who had just been offered to the entire contents of a Toys "R" Us store. Why hadn’t Elder Thompson warned Kurt that his new companion was such an incorrigible flirt?

“Unfortunately, we have to focus on our German,” Kurt said. “But that’s a kind offer.”

“What's the harm in learning a little Portuguese?” Elder Anderson asked later as they made their way from campus to a nearby neighborhood to fill up the rest of the afternoon with tracting.

“Don’t play dumb, elder.”

Elder Anderson looked genuinely offended. “I'm not playing dumb. I honestly don't get it. Elder Thompson and I used to trade lessons all the time. If someone only wanted to hear our message if we'd hear about their church or their weird mystical yoga group, then we'd listen. If the only way to get Dolcezza to our English group is to study a little Portuguese, then why not? When she gets to our group, she might show an interest in the gospel.”

“You really can't see why that would be a problem?”

Elder Anderson, looking full-on bewildered, shook his head.

“Huh. That blinded by her hotness, huh?”

Elder Anderson stopped in his tracks. “Her what?”

“I may be gay, Elder Anderson, but I can still tell a pretty girl when I see one. And both of them were pretty. I mean, I thought Harmonie was prettier, but I guess I just prefer darker coloring and eyebrows that are heavy enough to make a statement—” Kurt realized as he was saying this how attractively dark and expressive Elder Anderson’s eyebrows were, furrowing like two fat caterpillars above his bewildered eyes—ugh, that really should not be attractive—and stopped pursuing that tack. “I’m just saying, ‘If you don't look once, you're not a man. If you look twice, you're not a missionary.’”

“Wow,” Elder Anderson said quietly, his eyes going wide. “I can't believe you just said that. That saying is so homophobic.”

“No, it doesn’t. I haven’t had a single issue with untoward thoughts about women since I came on my mission, and I’m still a man.”

This straight kid thought he could tell Kurt what was homophobic? Uh-uh. It didn't matter how oddly kind and accepting Kurt's new companion was, or that Kurt strongly suspected Elder Anderson truly was less homophobic than Kurt himself. Elder Anderson didn't have to deal with the day to day struggle of having feelings that he couldn't act on. The discrepancy between what Kurt was allowed to feel and what we he was allowed to do made him resent those feelings sometimes. But that wasn't Kurt's fault. It wasn't a character flaw. It didn't make Elder Anderson better than him.

"It's not homophobic when I'm saying it to you," Kurt said. "You're straight. It applies.”

“No, it doesn’t. I haven’t had a single issue with untoward thoughts about women since I came on my mission, and I’m still a man.”

Hmmm. Such things were supposed to be possible, and even promised. Kurt’s priesthood quorum leader had told him that, if he did his work and focused on God, he wouldn’t have a single gay thought on his mission, ha. But Kurt had never actually met a male missionary who claimed to experience such tranquility. “Well, if you weren't having untoward thoughts, why were you flirting with her so hard?”

“Flirting?” Elder Anderson’s eyebrows rose so high, Kurt almost expected them fly off his forehead like dainty brown birds.

Oh boy. Was Elder Anderson really that oblivious? “You didn’t catch the part where she said Portuguese is the sexiest language in the world?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Or the part where she complimented your eyes and asked you to call her ‘Süsse’ instead of Dolcezza? Surely you know ‘Süsse’ is a pet name.”

“Yeah, but … it’s also a literal translation of ‘Dolcezza.’ She was just being polite. In case we had trouble with pronouncing her name in Italian.”

“No, Elder Anderson. She was flirting with you. She wanted you to speak Portuguese because she thinks it sounds sexy. Like she thinks you’re sexy.”

Elder Anderson wrinkled his nose. He looked almost … disgusted? “No. I’m not— That was just— Oh.” His cheeks flushed like ripe peaches. He scratched the back of his neck. He looked down at the ground. “I thought …” He traced an invisible line on the sidewalk with the toe of his shoe. “I did think they were both being a little flirty at first, but then the conversation moved to more neutral topics and I thought … I thought we were just having a friendly conversation?”

Kurt replayed the interaction in his mind. Elder Anderson had shown enthusiasm, but he was always enthusiastic, wasn't he? This was a man who got excited about rain. Who let out a pornographic moan the first time he tried a Bavarian pretzel with butter and said it was the best thing he’s ever tasted—until the next day, when he tried a Schneeball pastry and said that was the best thing. Who, after his first sacrament meeting in Ingolstadt, described virtually every single person he'd met there as his “favorite,” “the best,” “delightful,” or “such a wonderful soul” without the faintest hint of irony or flattery.

Elder Anderson hadn’t stood too close to Dolcezza, or tried to touch her, or complimented her looks or wit or hat. He’d just been … kind.

If Elder Anderson’s kindness was a form of flirtation, then he had flirted way more with Kurt than with Dolcezza. And obviously, he’d never flirted with Kurt. So—

“You were having a friendly conversation, apparently. Dolcezza would like to be more than friends.” Kurt thought about adding that if maybe Elder Anderson could rein his enthusiasm in when talking to investigators, they might not flirt with him so readily.

But that seemed like a quixotic request. Elder Anderson couldn’t stop being Elder Anderson any more than Kurt could stop being Kurt. And why should he? He was lovely, just as he was. It wouldn’t be right to hide his light under a bushel.

“That’s so … embarrassing,” Elder Anderson said. As if he might be able to escape the embarrassment, he resumed walking.

“Embarrassing? That she likes you? That must happen a lot, though.”

Elder Anderson pouted. “I don’t know. I've never been too good at reading girls. Or—young women, in this case.” He took a few more paces forward, Kurt tagging along beside him. “It still weirds me out sometimes that they think of me that way. But I guess some good could come of it. Maybe even without me learning Portuguese, she'll decide to show up to the English group, anyway.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to recruit people with our good looks.”

“You think I have good looks?”

Kurt changed the subject. “There are a couple of inactive members in this neighborhood. The friendly kind, not the hide-behind-the-couch-when-you-knock kind. You want to try them first? Introduce you as the new missionary?”

Elder Anderson clasped his hands together. “You know I love meeting members. Tell me all about them!”

Kurt smiled. Elder Anderson had faults, no doubt, but his enthusiasm wasn’t one of them. It might just be his greatest virtue.

[make-me-imagine]

Scenario Game: X-men Version (Male Characters)

Female Character Version Here

(Link to Scenario Games Masterlist) 

Rules/What you do: Just match the month/day/letter to yourself and you got yourself a cute little scenario to imagine lol. And you can also leave in the tags or comments, what your scenario is :)

*Please consider sharing and/or tagging your friends/mutuals to share this around.

***You choose which ‘version’ of the character you want. So, either First Class Series or the First/Original Series. (I.e; younger vs older characters). 

Your Birth Month

January: Scott Summers (Cyclops)

February: Remy LeBeau (Gambit)

March: Charles Xavier (Professor X)

April: Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler)

May: Hank McCoy (Beast) 

June: Peter Maximoff (Quicksilver) 

July: Your Choice

August: Eric Lehnsherr (Magneto) 

September: Warren Worthington (Angel) 

October: Alex Summers (Havok) 

November: Logan Howlett (Wolverine) 

December: Bobby Drake (Iceman) 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Your Birth Date: 

1: Asks you to move in with him... 2: Surprises you with your favorite flowers... 3: Takes care of you when you are sick... 4: Holds your hand... 5: Compliments you all the time... 6: Confesses that they love you... 7: Takes you dancing... 8: Takes you on a roadtrip... 9: Gets nervous around you... 10: Is protective of you... 11: Wraps their jacket around you when you’re cold... 12: Suddenly kisses you on the nose... 13: Cooks you dinner...  14: Asks you on a date... 15: Writes you a love letter... 16: Kisses the back of your hand... 17: Checks on you when you are sad/sick... 18: Proposes to you... 19: Suddenly pulls you into a kiss... 20: Gives you a token of their affection... 21: Hugs you so hard they almost knock you over... 22: Surprises you with a puppy/kitten... 23: Builds you a pillow fort... 24: Surprises you with your favorite food... 25: Kisses you on the cheek when they walk by... 26: Is often caught staring at you... 27: Leaves you random gifts anonymously... 28: Makes you breakfast in bed... 29: Wraps their arms around you from behind... 30: Takes you on a picnic... 31: Takes you to a fair...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

First Letter of your name (or username): 

A, B, C, D: Because they are in love with you.

E, F, G, H: For your anniversary.

I, J, K, L: To cheer you up.

M, N, O, P: Because they have a crush on you.

Q, R, S, T: As an apology.

U, V, W: Because they want to see you smile.

X, Y, Z: Because it’s your birthday. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

I apologize if your combination does not make sense, it is very hard and time consuming to make sure each combo works. 

xx

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift part 8 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Summary: It's time to do what's best for you . . . also fuck Kurt

Warnings: physical violence, emotional abuse, brief mention of trauma

W/C: 2.2k

AN: So.... I'll be honest, I was quite sick when I wrote this (and I'm still not 100% but I'm at like 75% which is good enough) but I have a mentality of not editing or revising my work otherwise I embarrass myself and convince myself I'm The Worst(tm), but I hope this makes sense and the pacing is good <3

Spotify

Part 1 Part 9

Frankie was glad to see you finally opening up. Even if that meant tears he couldn’t wipe away, or a hand he couldn’t hold. The last thing he wanted was to put you in a position where you thought the only reason he was helping was to swoop in while you were vulnerable.

You sat next to him in his truck, your eyes were puffy and red from tears that once they started seemed to come in waves of intensity, from a few sniffles to shoulders heaving, gasping for air sobs. Manny sat beside you, holding your hand, which Frankie was grateful for. He was glad to see that you had people that cared about you. When he had messaged Manny that morning, it was more to find out if his suspicions were correct about the ‘friend’ you had talked about while drunk was you.

“You don’t have-“

“We want to,” Manny interjected for the fifth time. It occurred to Frankie that you weren’t used to people wanting to help you. “I’ve been praying that you’ll let me help you.” That made you sob again. You gave another apology, chest heaving as you tried to breathe.

Truthfully, Frankie was also glad that this was an excuse for him to skip talking about his own feelings. His own mind was a muddy mess of flashbacks and night terrors and bouts of anxiety that became so crippling he forgot how to breathe. How well would that have gone down in the little group he now found himself apart of? If he had to guess, about as well as it went down with Portia – pitying looks and urges to see a proper therapist, and a new distance that neither was willing bridge.

Manny answered a call as Frankie drove back. He wasn’t driving anywhere in particular, but when it had become clear you wanted to be anywhere but that bistro, he had suggested the three of you pile into his truck and see where the road took you.

“Mateo, honey, I need to ask you a few things,” Manny said into his phone. Out of the corner of his eye, Frankie saw you lean your head back and squeeze your eyes shut. Frankie wanted to reach out and squeeze your knee, take your hand, do anything to show that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere so long as you wanted him around.

Manny’s voice faded into the background as you turned to look at Frankie. He pulled up at a small nature reserve, which was just an algae slicked pond and a few oak trees surrounded by recently mowed grass. Frankie noticed how bloodshot your eyes were.

“You okay?” he asked, realising it was a stupid question.

“I will be,” you said, your voice hoarse. You cleared your throat with a wince. “I’m not upset . . . I’m just overwhelmed. Like, I’ve been holding this all in for so long that once the lid was opened it was impossible to put back on, and now I’ve just gotta let it all out. Does that sound stupid?”

Frankie shook his head. “Not at all.” You smiled weakly at him.

“Bet this is the worst lunch you’ve ever had,” you said.

“Nah, I think it ranks pretty highly,” Frankie said. “Mainly because of the company, though.” You rolled your eyes and Frankie could see the corners of your mouth twitch in an effort to keep a smile away.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” he said softly.

“What isn’t?” You asked, but before he could answer, Manny interjected.

“I’ve found you a new place,” he said. You shot up, confusion written on your face plainly. Manny smiled the type of smile when someone knows they’ve basically saved the day. “That was my dear friend Mateo on the phone. He is taking his first steps towards being a real estate mogul and recently brought a one bedroom apartment to rent out. And because he is such a dear friend and owes me like, a billion favours, I told him the minimum of what your situation was, and he has told me that he’s willing to rent the place to you for lower than market value. A hundred and twenty a week, including water.”

You’re silent for a few moments, and Frankie watched you carefully.

“When can I move in?” you said finally, and Frankie felt an invisible weight lift off your shoulders. He could only imagine how difficult this would be for you; making decisions that would change how you lived in a matter of hours, basically upending your life.

“He can get the keys to us on Wednesday, he’s just got to replace some fixtures and finish painting some walls,” Manny said. You nodded slowly.

“So, I just need to last till Wednesday,” you said.

“You can stay at my place, if you want.” Frankie said quickly, not exactly comfortable with the idea of you staying with Kurt. You had said he was never physically violent, but Frankie also knew how quickly a man could change when they didn’t get their way.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose,” you said carefully. Frankie nodded.

“Of course, you’re my friend, and friends help each other.” Just friends. Only friends. He wasn’t going to take advantage of you in this state just because he had a stupid crush. He had once had a conversation with a pissed off Eve Miller, who was ranting about the guys she thought were her friends instantly making moves the moment she became single. That had solidified Frankie’s resolve to not make moves on women he was friends with – it wasn’t fair to them or to him.

Before you could answer, your phone was ringing loudly. Your face crumpled as you looked at the contact, and Frankie frowned.

Kurt.

You took a deep breath and hit answer. “Hey! What’s up?” Your light and airy tone was at odds with your sombre expression. “No, I have lunch with Manny on Sunday, remember? You’re home already? But –“

Frankie listened to the angry buzzing coming from your phone, his revulsion growing.

“My phone died – no I just went out with Sara last night, she wanted to go to fight night . . . it’s not that short . . . No I didn’t fuck anyone else, Jesus Christ, Kurt! No! Look, I’ll be home soon, we can talk about this then.” You hung up with a shaking hand, your mouth twisting with effort to contain the tears.

Manny met Frankie’s eye over the top of your bowed head and gave a small nod.

“We’ll come with you to get some of your clothes,” Frankie said. “And anything else you need.”

“You’re really too sweet for this,” you muttered with a hiccup. “I’m sorry for dragging the both of you into my shit.”

“I crawled willingly into it,” Manny said breezily, “which I would only do for about five people in this world.”

The trio remained silent for several minutes, interrupted only but the sound of your occasional hiccups. Frankie reached out and patted your shoulder awkwardly, cringing internally while he did. Inexplicably, you leant into his touch, your damp cheek brushing against the back of his hand.

“Can you drive me home so I can get my stuff?” you asked softly. Frankie nodded and turned on the truck.

~*~

You were a ball of anxiety as Frankie pulled into the complex’s parking lot. Kurt’s car was already in the spot reserved for your apartment, sending you to the verge of a full-blown panic attack. You squeezed your eyes shut and counted to ten, then backwards from ten. Distantly, you felt Manny take hold of one of your hands.

“You’ve got this.” Manny’s voice sounded far away. “Francisco and I are behind you one hundred percent.”

“You’re calling the shots,” Frankie said, touching your arm. His hand was warm and calloused, and you didn’t know why that observation seemed to be at the forefront of your mind, but it was. You opened your eyes and met Frankie’s warm brown ones, suddenly feeling infinitely stronger.

You told them what you wanted to do – for you to go in by yourself and for them to wait outside the door, plug their ears if necessary, only come in if they felt like you were in any actual danger. Frankie’s face darkened at this, but to your relief he didn’t protest your plan.

You felt stronger with the two of them behind you. Every single step towards your apartment door solidified your resolve that this was the right thing, that this relationship hadn’t made you happy, fulfilled, in years. The click of your key in the door felt like one of finality.

Kurt sat on the couch, glaring at you. You left the door open a crack as you walked in, hovering by the dining table. You took him in fully and came to the conclusion that you were no longer attracted to this man at all. His skin was reddened by the sun, pale patches around his light blue eyes. His thin mouth was curled into a sneer.

“Care to explain what the fuck you’ve been doing while I was gone?” he said.

“Not really, no.” You replied. “Here’s the thing, Kurtis, you don’t get to go out with your friends for the whole weekend doing who-knows-what then turn around and get angry at me for spending time with the only friend from school that I still have! That’s not fair.”

“And who’s fault is that? You’re the one who pushed them all away!” Kurt stood up and advanced towards you. Normally, you would have taken a step backwards, given him space, but this time you stood your ground, clenching your fists tightly to stop them shaking.

“I’m still allowed to have a social life,” you said, struggling to keep your tone even. Kurt rolled his eyes.

“If you wanna go out and act like a fucking whore-“

“Think what you want, Kurt,” you said, “it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m leaving. You can’t stop me.”

Kurt spluttered for a moment, turning a shade of deep red. “Like fucking HELL you’re leaving me, you bitch!”

“I am!” you shot back. He was only a few inches from you now, so close his breath was hot on your face. “I’m miserable, I don’t love you anymore, and I’m done. I’ve been done for so long I can’t remember a time I was fully invested in this relationship! I deserve better! I deserve love that doesn’t make me so sad it hurts, and I can’t have that with you.”

Kurt’s face twisted into an ugly contortion of the features you once found perfect. “No. Nobody can love you the way I do! Nobody can understand you like I do! If you leave, I won’t want to live anymore. Don’t you remember? I can’t live without you!”

“Then go to a fucking hospital!” you snapped, moving to get past him. Kurt grabbed your wrist tightly. His grip was like a vice, cutting off blood supply to your fingers.

“Let go!” you begged. Kurt tugged you closer, spittle forming at the corners of his mouth, your noses almost touching. He’s going to kill me. Oh my god, he’s actually going to kill me. You saw movement by the door out of the corner of your eye, and your heart swelled.

“You heard her,” Frankie said, “let her go.”

Kurt didn’t let go, but instead gripped harder. He’s completely lost it, you thought dimly, the expression Kurt wore sending true fear into your heart.

“And just who the fuck are you?” Kurt demanded.

“Let her go,” Frankie repeated. He didn’t raise his voice, but you could still hear the power it held. Kurt scoffed and spat at Frankie’s feet.

“This is an issue between me and my girlfriend, now get out of my apartment before I make you.”

Frankie didn’t reply, instead, he strode forward, pushed the sleeves of his flannel over shirt up as he did. Kurt didn’t wait. He pushed you hard against the kitchen bench, knocking the breath out of you and sending a shot of pain through your back, and moved to meet Frankie in the middle of the room.

It happened in an instant, blink and you miss it. Frankie swung, his fist connecting with Kurt’s jaw with a sickening crunch. Kurt went down like a lead balloon, howling as he collapsed on the floor. Frankie stood over him, breathing hard through his nose.

Manny ran forward to help you, holding you to him like the protective brother you had always wished for. It took you a few moments to realise you were shaking, out of fear or adrenaline you didn’t know.

“Come on,” he whispered soothingly, “we gotta get your stuff.” You nodded and let him help you up. You didn’t feel like you were connected with your body like you were watching the whole thing through a separate set of eyes. You saw Frankie standing over Kurt, arms crossed and boot pressing into Kurt’s chest.

Manny held your hand as you walked to your bedroom. You were distantly aware of the aching in your body, your back, and wrist especially. It was Manny who packed your bag for you, grabbing anything he thought you might need. The whole thing was done in less than ten minutes. Before you left you turned to face Kurt.

“I’ll be back sometime this week to get the rest of my stuff. Do not contact me.”

You felt your strength returning to you as you left with Frankie and Manny with you. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you could breathe.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209 @quica-quica-quica @pintsizemama @phoenix-of-loki

[sakurayumeno]

Masterlist

This contains all of my writing from Jan. 2021-Oct. 2022. Check out the other masterlist parts below for more recent posts.

Part 2

Rules

500+ Follower Event

Females

—Demi

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

—Fiona

Relationship Hcs

—Mary

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Males

—Aesop

Reacting to their crush sleep on their shoulder

S/O holding their hand while decoding

Dating Hcs

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

Kissing Hcs

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

NSFW Alphabet: B, I, T

NSFW Alphabet: F, J, O, V

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

—Alva

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

—Andrew

S/O holding their hand while decoding

Taking care of easily sick S/O

General Hcs

Clingy Yandere + Oblivious S/O

Relationship Hcs

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

—Antonio

Yandere Hcs

—Edgar

Yandere Hcs

Comforting and Affectionate S/O

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

—Eli

Reacting to their crush sleep on their shoulder

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

Kissing Hcs

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

NSFW Alphabet: P, D, I, M

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

—Jose

S/O who says random things

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

—Joseph

Yandere Hcs

Modern goth S/O + playing video games

Domestic Hcs

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

NSFW Alphabet: L, O, V, E

—Kevin

S/O holding their hand while decoding

Tsundere S/O

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

—Kurt

Relationship Hcs

—Luca

S/O holding their hand while decoding

Modern goth S/O + playing video games

Stalker S/O

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Yandere Alphabet: B, L, S

—Luchino

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them [H & S]

NSFW Alphabet: K, F, D [S]

—Naib

Reacting to their crush sleep on their shoulder

Jealous Hcs

Dating Hcs

Yandere Skin Hcs

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Yandere Colonel Dax Hcs

Modern goth S/O + playing video games

Decoder S/O

Yandere Hcs

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Kissing Hcs

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

—Norton

Yandere Skin Hcs

Reacting to their crush sleep on their shoulder

Jealous Hcs

S/O who says random things

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Easily Flustered S/O Hcs

Modern goth S/O + playing video games

Lazy S/O Who’s Great at Matches

Yandere Hcs

Decoder S/O

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

Kissing Hcs

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

NSFW Alphabet: D, J

Yan. Alphabet: K, Q, X

Yanderes Reacting to You Attacking Them

NSFW Alphabet: C, F, K, M

—Orpheus

NSFW Alphabet: K, O, U, V

—Philippe

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

Teasing During Match (Nsfw)

—Wu Chang

General Hcs

Yandere Flying Guillotine Hcs

Lazy S/O Who’s Great at Matches

Reacting to S/O Suddenly Hugging Them

Yanderes Reacting to 'I Hate You'

—Victor

S/O That’s Allergic to Dogs

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

Yandere Skin Hcs

NSFW Alphabet: D, F, J, O

NSFW Alphabet: K, T

—William

Reacting to S/O Smacking their Butt

[gh0ulbunni]

Aight bitches, headcanons for my version of the WATXM Cartoon's 'Mortimer Toynbee'

(TW: Death, suicide, depression, mental illness, body horror but it's not that bad)

-The stage we see Mortimer at in the show is most likely him as an 18 - 20 year old, still in the juvenile stages of his mutation as it occurred after the death of his mother Esmerelda. Esmerelda was a kind and meek but busy woman who ultimately died from a stroke caused by high blood pressure. She worked 3 high stress jobs in order to try and keep a roof over her and Mort's heads as his father gave up his rights because he "Didn't want a freak for a son and that he'd never be his son."

-When his mutation actually began to show after her death when he was 3, Mortimer's once ivory skin turned fully green and due to the neglect his hair became matted in chunks (the braids we see in the show), his hygiene dropped to little to no self-care because of the new allergic reactions he'd get when his new sensitive skin came into contact with the naturally chemical loaded body washes, deodorants, shampoo, and tooth pastes that he had. He turned to showering with just water and brushing his teeth with just water, but the water the brotherhood has access to was INCREDIBLY dirty and laced with chemicals that made him sick.

-Mortimer is actually incredibly smart, but others would feel threatened by him when he tried to show this so he mainly acts dumb and stupid as a way to avoid conflict and aggression from people (Specifically Pietro and Dominikos).

-At 22 he finally leaves the brotherhood after being there for 4 years and tries to take his own life only to realize he's developed superhuman durability and a healing factor. This immediately makes him frustrated because he feels he's been punished and forced to live a miserable life.. And in comes Spider-Man who talks him out of trying to jump and takes him to SHIELD.

-After a few days at SHIELD's holding cells he makes a bit of an impression on Fury who offers him a role as an agent. Mortimer, a people pleaser who'll take any chance to climb up the ladder in life, immediately agrees and sets to work training.

-As he trains, his mutation gets stronger and he unlocks more abilities he never thought he could have: Superhuman strength, durability, endurance, agility, senses, special eyesight, chemical and toxin production, flexible bone structure, superhuman lungs, telepathic communication with amphibians, acidic saliva, flaming tongue, and a venomous pheremone secretion that allows for mind control.

-The final step was when he fell extremely ill and it was discovered that his genetic makeup was severely broken due his involvement in an experiment called the Black Womb Project, ran by Charles Xavier's step-father/Juggernaut's father Kurt Marko. This left Mortimer's DNA and mutation severely unstable and it almost caused him to loose control of his new powers and have multiple mental breakdowns and even a manic episode where was on an extreme high before going through psychosis in which he believed Magneto was out to kill him for leaving his son's group.

-After having a hell of a few months, Mortimer is put through a new process called Genetic Rehabilitation designed for mutants who've been forced through experimentation programs and have had their DNA damaged.

-After a while his skin turns from 100% green to 40% green with lots of ivory patches. The tops of his hands, chest, stomach, inside of his legs, and the tops and bottoms of his feet are a pale ivory color while his back, neck, cheek and temples, arms, his sides, and the outsides of his legs are varying shades of soft green with patches of dark green ranging in sizes from small to giant patches on his joints and sockets (shoulders, elbows, knees, and hips) which he's self-concious about at first but comes to love his new look. The most shocking part is his eyes which become black with amber irises that have flicks of lime and gold in them.

-Along with getting therapy for his DNA and body, he gets therapy for his mental health which.. Hoo boy he was and still is strugglin (but not as bad). He has: BPD, C-PTSD, GAD, ODD, and Depression.

-Absolutely loves brushing and caring for his hair, which, after it's unmatted and cleaned of bugs and gunk is ass length and black with a silky shine to it. He still wears his old bandana thing

-Has picked up playing a musical instrument in his spare time. If he isn't working, tinkering with his suit, gear, and gadgets then he's playing... The violin?

-He's suprisingly good at it.

-After becoming a shield agent he starts to get more confidence before meeting a mutant who was currently in SHIELD's custody... Said mutant being the oc of @ohmygillygoshoppler

-Callista and Mortimer become close, he spends lunchbreaks with her, constantly volunteers to be her guard/escort when she's let out.

-Ok so, dad headcanons lETS GO

-Cal and Mort end up having a daughter named after his mom, and her thing is having her mom's monster mouth with mouths on her hands that can shoot out 13ft long flaming tongues. Esme (or Esmerelda) absolutely becomes a rescue hero

-Callie is into clown/circus lolita outfits and Mortimer is a grunge punk. Esme never gets dressed in the basic ass kids clothes, she looks like mini Wednesday Addams.

-This child never gets put down (physically), Mort or Cal are always holding her.

-Mort and Esme are the epitome of "Don't talk to me or my kid ever again" while Esme is copying her dad's glare.

-Alright, Mort's strong.

-Like, really strong. He didn't even know how strong until he was cornered on his first mission as a shield agent and he kicked his enemy with his leg so hard he decapitates them.

-He can kick hard enough to knock down concrete walls, snap people in half, crack and damage paved roads, and create enough air pressure to knock people over.

-His tongue can crush skulls

-He could get hit by a semi-truck and still walk away with a few bruises

-Develops a bite force of 1,000 PSI (Less than a polar bear)

-He bench presses 3 tons with his legs and 1 ton with his arms

-Develops retractable claws that can lengthen and shorten, he uses these to fight.

-Looks like he could kill you, can kill you but has the energy of a golden retriever puppy

-As he ages he becomes more.. Forgiving? Of the people who've hurt him, specifically Pietro. He'll forgive but never forget, it's like when you drop a mug. It won't ever be the same.

-I imagine he fights a lot like how Deku does? The leg based fighting and shoot style is a big part of his fight style.

-Legs for daaaaaaaays, they're so long. Also he's 5'8 now because Toad is canonically 5'8 - 5'10 and he'll hold it over Wolverine while snickering.