#c: one hand in the present | dr zone

[kk095]

Maddie in Trauma

*Merry Christmas everyone! Here's my present to you. Hope you all enjoy!*

Through the automatic doors of the emergency department, a beautiful 33 year old woman arrived tethered to a gurney after being involved in a high speed crash on a chilly, rainy night. Her name was Maddie. She had bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, and stood at 5’5 with a slim build. Maddie was a conventionally attractive woman many would say was a solid 10, but that night, she was turning heads for all the wrong reasons. She laid on a backboard in a c-collar, stripped down to only her bra and underwear, littered in cuts, bruises, and abrasions. EKG electrodes were stuck onto her chest, and had IVs in both arms. The paramedics’ urgent chatter with our usual trauma team echoed the chaos of the accident that had left her in this vulnerable state. Maddie was awake and alert while being wheeled into the trauma bay, crying hysterically. Her eyes scanned the unfamiliar environment full of complete strangers, wondering what was going to happen next. “on my count. One…two…THREE!” Dr Lindsay’s voice called out, echoing in the room, taking charge of the situation.

Maddie then laid under the large overhead light on the trauma room table. The room was loud and hectic. Monitors were beeping and chirping fast and loud, and the members of the trauma team were all barking orders at one another. It was all happening so fast for Maddie. She was just driving to meet some friends for a night out, and now she was fighting for her life in the ER just a short while later. Maddie’s chest slammed into the steering wheel during the accident, and as a result, she felt a tearing pain in her chest, along with shortness of breath. She had never experienced this level of pain before, and knew she was hurt bad, and that frightened her. “am I gonna die?!” a terrified Maddie asked nurse Nancy, who connected a bag of blood products to Maddie’s IV line nearby. “it’s ok sweetie, you’re gonna be fine. Just stay calm and let us take care of you, ok?” Nancy replied in a soothing, reassuring voice. “My chest!...it hurts so much…” Maddie replied, still sobbing. “we’re gonna take a look hun. It’s all gonna be ok!” Nancy again reassured, gently stroking the frightened lady’s blonde hair for a brief moment. “I don’t wanna die…” Maddie sobbed, grabbing Nancy’s hand, holding it. “you’re not gonna die sweetie, it’s ok.” Nancy calmly replied.

Over the coming minutes, Maddie began to decompensate rapidly. Her blood pressure had taken a free fall, and her heart rate was increasing at an alarming rate. Maddie began spitting up blood, her eyes wide with fear, knowing something was terribly wrong inside her. The tearing pain was 10 times worse, and Maddie felt as if her heart was going to leap right out of her chest. “pressure’s dropping. Hang another round of o-neg to the rapid infuser.” Dr Lindsay ordered. Maddie’s mouth was suctioned out since her airway had become a bit obstructed from all the blood that had entered the area. She laid on the gurney staring upwards, beginning to zone out, taking rapid, shallow breaths. Maddie fought with everything she had left in her over the next minute or two to remain conscious, but she couldn’t do it anymore. She let out one final calm exhale. Her rapidly rising and falling chest was completely still now. Her eyes still wide open, now glazed over. “Maddie? You there hun?!” nurse Nancy shouted, doing a sternal rub. Maddie didn’t even react to the sternal rub. Her eyes just stared upwards, her mouth ajar. “no pulse, someone start CPR.” Dr Sarah announced to the team. Maddie’s bra was snipped off and her perky, C cup tits spilled out. Nurse heather then placed her hands on the center of Maddie’s bare chest and began pumping away hard and fast. At the head of the bed, Dr Sarah was placing an ET tube in Sarah’s airway. The tube was navigated in place quickly, and held in place with tape.

When the code had started, Maddie was in pulseless electrical activity, so CPR, ambu bagging, and IV meds were all the team could do. The beautiful blonde’s chest caved in and recoiled, her belly bouncing outwards. Her tits bounced and jiggled around, and 1 arm dangled off the side of the table, lightly bouncing in sync with the chest compressions. Her head bobbed and lolled, while her beautiful blue eyes were still wide open, with an ET tube hanging out the side of her mouth. At the other end of the table, her feet gently swayed and wobbled in time with the compressions. Maddie had size 9 soles with plenty of soft, silky, prominent wrinkles throughout- another asset to her already perfect appearance.

The trauma team had gotten to the 10 minute mark of the code with no improvement whatsoever, so Dr Lindsay had ordered an echocardiogram to see what was going on inside the stunning blonde’s chest. Lindsay looked over at the ultrasound monitor and saw cardiac tamponade, with some blood clots floating around in the mix. At that point, Lindsay decided to perform a left anterolateral thoracotomy in an attempt to get this life threatening tamponade squared away, then restart the hot blonde’s heart. Betadine was squirted all over Maddie’s chest, staining it and orangey brown sort of color. Lindsay picked up the scalpel and made a quick, decisive incision beginning slightly to the left of Maddie’s sternum, extending the cut across the left half of her chest, underneath her perky left breast, and ending a few inches away from her left armpit. Lindsay then incised the underlying tissue further, and placed a rib spreader into the large, freshly made cut in Maddie’s chest. The knob on the spreader was turned, forcefully prying apart Maddie’s ribs over the coming moments. Once the 33 year old blonde’s chest was cracked open, there was no rush of blood. Her boggy, fibrillating heart twitched weakly and erratically in plain sight. Lindsay reached into Maddie’s chest and examined the heart, noting it felt a lot heavier than normal. Lindsay made a cut in the thick, fibrous lining around the heart and peeled it back, delivering the heart itself and attempting to relieve the tamponade. Thick, gooey, clotted blood oozed out at first, which was suctioned away, only to be instantly replaced with bright red arterial blood. The area was once again suctioned out to reestablish the line of sight, and Lindsay placed a vascular clamp on the descending part of the aorta near the diaphragm to quell any bleeding in the area and redirect blood flow to critical parts of the body. The clamp temporarily stopped the rush of arterial blood, but Lindsay didn’t know where it was coming from. Lindsay began investigating, poking, prodding, and reaching around inside the blonde’s chest cavity, but came up empty during her initial efforts.

The team noticed Maddie was still in v-fib despite the meds and initial internal resus efforts, so the internal paddles were called for. The large, spoon shaped paddles were charged to 20 joules and lowered into her chest. A dull, wet thump was heard when the shock was delivered. Maddie’s body twitched sharply for a moment before falling limp. “no change, charge again to 30.” Lindsay called out. The high pitched electrical sound of the paddles charging filled the room for a moment, then shock #2 was delivered. Maddie’s heart stopped for a brief moment, then started twitching uselessly once again. The internal defibs were charged again to 30, and another shock was delivered. Maddie’s toes curled at the other end of the table, showing off the fresh coat of black nail polish and her hot, wrinkly soles once again. “still nothing, charge again to 40.” Dr Lindsay called out. The paddles were placed back around Maddie’s twitching heart, and a shock was promptly delivered. Her torso flopped abruptly, her tits shaking, her lifeless blue eyes stared helplessly above. “No change, resume internal massage.” Dr Lindsay called out. This time, Dr Sarah took over internal massage. Perhaps a different set of hands and a different pair of eyes can figure out what the exact cause of Maddie’s arrest was. Sarah could feel the blonde’s heart squirming around in her hands while she massaged it. While performing cardiac massage, she also tried to feel around to see if anything felt out of place. “something’s not right in the posterior portion of the left ventricle. Feel that.” Sarah said to Lindsay. Lindsay reached into Maddie’s chest and worked her hands to the spot Sarah had discovered. “yeah. Something isn’t right, I see what you mean.” Lindsay agreed, but still couldn’t quite figure out what was going on.

Lindsay and Sarah had investigated the area for a bit, but couldn’t draw a conclusion. Since Maddie was still in v-fib, they had opted to shock her again. Sarah performed a cycle of internal massage, and Lindsay got the paddles readied, charging them to 40. The paddles were lowered back in, and the next jolt of electricity went straight into the hottie’s heart. Maddie’s feet kicked around at the opposite end of the table, wrinkling up the soles of her feet once again. “still nothing, hitting her again at 40. Everyone…CLEAR!” Lindsay shouted. KA-THUNK. Maddie’s limp, lifeless body jolted around for a brief moment, but v-fib was still winning this battle. Lindsay shocked the beautiful patient with the internal paddles another 4 times to no avail, so Sarah decided to push more meds and perform a cycle of internal massage. While performing internal massage, Sarah felt a long, thinner, fleshy structure poking one of her fingers. “huh? What is that?” she thought. “charging paddles to 40.” Lindsay called out. “hold on a sec…” Sarah told Lindsay, as she held the blood soaked paddles in her hands. Sarah felt the structure with the tips of her fingers and it all dawned on her. Sarah took her hands out of Maddie’s chest and immediately peeled her gloves off, looking over at Lindsay. “massive aortic dissection. It ripped off the left ventricle almost completely and got trapped. She bled out into the pericardium that way.” She tells Lindsay. Sarah pauses, looks over at the clock, then continues. “time of death, 21:17.”

Lindsay places the internal paddles back onto the crash cart, and nurse Nancy detached the ambu bag, a small amount of air hissing out when the bag is detached while Maddie’s eyes remained open, which was an eerily beautiful sight. The monitors were turned off, and the EKG electrodes were plucked off the lady’s chest. A blue surgical drape was hastily thrown over the thoracotomy site while Maddie’s heart fired off its last handful of desperate, useless signals. Maddie’s eyes stayed open when her body was covered up, looking almost as if she was watching the trauma team’s basic postmortem care on her. Lastly, a toe tag was filled out and placed on the big toe of her left foot. The tag dangled in front of her perfect, wrinkly soles while the trauma team exited the room, bringing a heartbreaking end to her case.

[danvilleiisms-blog]

🎯 (ALL OF THEMMMM)

BUCKLE UP FOLKS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG RIDE! (will tag as “long post ///”) In alphabetical order:

Anthony had a designation when he was forcibly drafted as a child soldier. To his superiors, he was just “17 Alpha”. But he never forgot his name, no matter how they tried to beat it out of him.

Block thinks that to truly experience a movie, you must witness it for the first time in a theater. Hence, why he traveled back 6 months to see a movie he missed instead of simply buying it on whatever digital media they have in 2175.

Bob considers himself a decent cook. He and his wife Diana would trade-off who would cook dinner, but after her abduction and memory-wiping, he had to pick up the responsibility full-time. Lately, though, he hasn’t had the time to be home for dinner, and just makes the meals in advance and leaves them in the fridge for his son.

Carl is trans, and in addition to saving up for college, he’s also saving up for top surgery. Once Monty puts the pressure on his father to actually pay Carl, and make him an official employee, his surgery’s actually covered by the OWCA’s insurance.

Chance, similar to Dakota, doesn’t like flan. Though, he actually loves fish, especially fish sticks dipped in mustard. You can make faces all you want, he doesn’t care what you think of his food. As long as you don’t try to steal it.

Dakota’s shades are a comfort object for him, as he’s worn them ever since he was a kid. When he was younger, he was much more sensitive to light, and that’s why he wore the shades then. Now he’s just gotten so used to wearing them that even when the light isn’t bothering him, he feels naked without them.

Delaney is terrified of buzzing, stinging insects. Wasps especially. One time she nearly got in trouble with Mr. Block because she crashed her time vehicle because a wasp got into the cabin. It didn’t help that she nearly kicked the door clear off in her attempt to escape the thing.

Dr. Zone meets an agender pianist named Aron during his travels, and the two of them end up becoming quite closely bonded. Even when his adventures take him lightyears across the universe and millennia through time, his heart always brings him back to Aron when all is said and done. After the events of Professor Zone and Adjunct Faculty Member Zone, Hankry needed a safe haven, and Aron certainly gave him that.

Doofenshmirtz is a very tactile person, but if someone expresses their discomfort with him touching them, he makes a good effort to restrain himself. It doesn’t always work, though– and with a case like Major Monogram, when he knows it’s not a sensory thing but just an animosity thing, he will deliberately pester them.

Mr. Drako’s father was a full-vampire, and is still alive, but his whereabouts are completely unknown to Kyle. He left as soon as Drako was old enough to take care of himself, and he hasn’t seen him since.

Elliot wears his sunglasses because of severe photophobia– even dim indoor lights can cause him physical pain on his bad days, so he wears the sunglasses almost constantly. Whenever he has a meltdown, reading through his EMT and survival manuals repeatedly can help calm him.

Leopold is the third in his line– that is, the third Leopold to exist. He’s a clone, genetically copied from the original Leopold von Speedwell. He was not raised by that Leopold, however, but by the second, who trained him practically from birth to carry on their villainous legacy.

Martin is not quite as hardy as Milo is when it comes to Murphy’s Law, and sometimes lets fear get the better of him. There are a few things he downright refuses to do because of Murphy’s Law, and roller-disco dancing was one of them. Another is monorail maintenance– and he refuses to speak of why. There are some things you just never unsee.

Major Monogram doesn’t like how Carl sees him as a father figure– especially after he realizes how he’d been pushing Monty towards his own dreams rather than letting his son do what he wanted. He sees too much of his own father in himself, and that’s not something he thinks Carl should look up to. He is making an effort to change, though, in hopes of becoming a father that Monty and Carl truly deserve.

TW: self-harm, attempted suicide implied

At one point in his life, Orton nearly succumbed to severe depression, but thanks to timely intervention by his maid and hospital staff, and an alarming headline that resulted in hundreds of thousands of letters from concerned fans being sent to him, he managed to pull through. Nowadays, he makes regular PSAs on the importance of mental health, and tries to ensure that nobody feels like they have to endure it alone.

TW OVER

Savannah came from the MP Timeline, just like Block and Dakota did. However, because she wasn’t part of the team deployed to change the timeline, she only has a few residual memories of that timeline. Perhaps it’s for the best that she doesn’t remember it in its entirety– at least she doesn’t have to remember her parents being slaughtered in the streets.

Scott doesn’t have pajamas. He just sleeps in his everyday clothes, boots, helmet and all. Drako doesn’t allow that when he sleeps over, though, and enforces a rule that Scott must remove his boots and helmet if he intends to share a bed with him. Scott’s fine with this, he just doesn’t feel the need to take them off when he’s on his own.

[spencers-renaissance]

Rain is a Chance to be Touched Ch.7

a poem begins in the lump in the throat

Chapter Six

This is the seventh chapter in my ongoing hotchreid fic! Please click here for the fic summary, full tags, trigger warnings, more information etc.

Last Chapter: Aaron went to Spencer's apartment and found him in a depressive state. Lots of cuddles and comfort ensued.

In This Chapter: Aaron and Spencer go to a museum with Jack, but it is definitely not a date. And Spencer's depression definitely does not get in the way.

TW: same as usual — as well as additional ones for a trigger scene and depictions of caring.

Word Count: 4.8k

RCT Masterlist // Main Masterlist // Read on AO3

SPENCER

A poem begins in the lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. — Robert Frost

The day after Aaron had turned up at his flat, he’d rung Penelope who had not-so-guiltily confessed to sending him his way. He wasn’t upset though, quite the contrary. A kind, cuddly, caring Aaron showing up in the middle of a minor depressive episode was exactly what he needed, and the evening they’d spent together had burned its way onto the tissue of Spencer’s heart. It was one of the happiest moments he’d experienced in a long time, despite the weighty, persistent, downward tug on his mood.

He’s been over every day the team has been home in the two weeks since, Penelope taking over when he’s away, and as exhausting as Spencer has found human company in the past year, neither Aaron’s nor Penelope’s presence drains him in the way everyone else’s has. They accept his low mood, not blinking an eye when he doesn’t have the energy to respond to something they say or when he zones out and stares blankly at the wall for minutes at a time. He can’t even find it in him to care that both of them have seen him naked now.

Their company starts to chip away at the glacier of loneliness that had spread itself across his chest, inching its freezing border ever closer to the corners of his ribcage as he pulled away and watched everyone else do the same. Aaron and Penelope simply aren’t having it, and their determination to show him love and friendship and warmth is slowly but surely melting his isolation to a puddle on the floor, soon to dry out and be forgotten.

Penelope had come with him to his first psychiatrist appointment, though she’d sat in the waiting room this time, and it had been incredibly relieving to be able to properly let go of some of the heavy burden that had weighed so heavily on his shoulders all this time. He’d kept him on the same antidepressants Dr Reese had prescribed him, and although he hadn’t felt a huge difference yet, Dr Parker was incredibly reassuring and he was trying not to assume defeat so early in the game.

He did feel slightly better, though, as he came out of the dip in his depression that had come on the day after his day out with Penelope. Once Aaron had noticed his mood brighten and his energy levels increase slightly — evidenced largely by Spencer not immediately falling asleep on the sofa when he comes back in from work — he’d suggested getting out of his apartment and doing something.

Spencer was apprehensive at first: the idea of willingly putting himself in a position of proximity with strangers and unpredictable circumstances made his skin crawl. But then Aaron had proposed a quiet trip with him and Jack to the Natural History Museum, maybe a walk in the park if the weather was nice. Spencer had found it hard to decline.

The last few weeks had only solidified Spencer’s feelings for Aaron further, intensified by both his persistence in being close to Spencer and his relentless kindness, and he had begun to feel something like real, genuine hope stirring on the surface of his soul.

He’d caught Aaron looking at him a few times when he thought he was asleep or zoned out, and the softness on his face felt reflective of Spencer’s own expression when he looks at Aaron. He couldn’t imagine him being so insistent on taking care of anyone else on the team, and since he’d left the BAU anyway, he had no obligation to be so dutifully kind.

Yet, he shows up before and after work every day the team is in Virginia, no matter how far out of the way Spencer’s apartment is, making sure he eats, showers, has clean clothes. Making sure he knows he’s loved. (Something whispers deep in his heart that maybe that love is the kind he’s dreamed of.)

On bad nights when he was still working at the BAU, he’d hug his knees to his chest and imagine Aaron curled up behind him telling him how much he loved him, telling him that it was going to be alright. He could never look the man in the eyes the next day at work, but that didn’t stop him. It worked better than anything else he tried and now it’s a reality he can’t pinch himself out of.

Truthfully, in the weeks between quitting the BAU and Penelope forcing Aaron and herself back into his life, he’d desperately missed his time in Aaron’s apartment, playing with Jack and pretending his life wasn’t splitting at the seams. The idea of spending a whole day with them — without the added baggage of trying to box up his increasingly untameable depression — was something he actually looked forward to. It’s a nice feeling; admittedly one he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Penelope comes over the morning of the outing.

(“I’m not about to let you flush this down the drain just because you end up having a tough morning,” she’d insisted when Spencer told her she doesn’t need to. “I’ll come over and force you out of bed and into a nice little outfit if I need to. You are going on that date with Hotch. Sorry: Aaron.”

“Shut up,” Spencer had said weakly. “It’s not a date.”

“Irrelevant,” she’d sniffed and levelled him with a glare he couldn’t argue with.)

He’s pretty sure that her insistent and relentless protectiveness and aid is part of her very focused mission to make up the last year to him. In fact, he’s almost certain, considering every time she sees him he’s bombarded with yet another apology and a small present for him. He’s not sure how to get through to her that he’s already forgiven her.

“Have you eaten yet?” she asks as she walks into the living room to see Spencer curled up on the sofa with a blanket pulled over him. He had actually made it to bed last night, but the only way he could pull himself out of bed this morning was to promise himself a few minutes on the sofa, exciting day ahead of him or not.

He shakes his head. “Not hungry,” he sighs, picking at a loose thread of his blanket.

“That’s okay,” Penelope says lightly, dumping her handbag on the armchair before breezing into the kitchen and setting the orchid she’s brought with her on the windowsill. He hopes she knows she’ll be the only person around responsible enough to water it. “We’ll find you something small. How does a little bowl of cornflakes sound?”

“Fine.”

She puts the coffee machine on before bringing him a bowl of cornflakes that is decidedly not little. He hates that her tactic works and he eats the whole thing. “Why do you always have to be right?” he grumbles as he polishes off the bowl and puts it on the coffee table.

“I don’t know, baby genius,” she sighs exaggeratedly, sagging into her armchair. Spencer doesn’t know what he’d do without Penelope Garcia and her incessant dramatics. “It’s truly an affliction.”

“Mhm.” Spencer raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, but Penelope’s saved by the coffee machine beeping and she stalks into the kitchen to pour him a cup. He has no idea how early she wakes up to make it over to his house dressed to the nines with a full face of make-up on at eight am. He smiles fondly at her as he takes the proffered mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she says brightly, sitting back in her chair and sipping at her own cup. “So, how are we feeling about our date today?”

As much as Spencer does not appreciate her suggestive eyebrow waggling, he can’t help but smile at her antics. He also can’t help but blush. “It isn’t a date, Penelope, I’ve told you this.”

“Right, right,” she says drily. “I think I’d have an easier time believing you if you weren’t constantly sending one another heart eyes and weren’t clearly half in-love with one another already.”

Spencer decides it’s probably best to avoid mentioning that his feelings have definitely progressed past the ‘half in-love’ phase, and just looks down. “Jack will be there,” he points out instead, “and the Natural History Museum isn’t exactly a steamy date location, is it?”

“No, that’s exactly the point. It’s a Dr Spencer Reid date location.”

Spencer looks at her a little speechless for a moment. Unfortunately, she’s right. He’s privately thought about getting married in one of DC’s many museums, and science and history are two of the subjects even a casual acquaintance would know he’s fascinated by. Plus, it’s also something he’s bonded over with Jack.

All of that may be the case, but it doesn’t change the fact that he absolutely cannot let himself consider this a date.

He’s already let himself fantasise enough about Aaron returning his feelings; not letting himself think of this as anything other than platonic is the only thing he can hang onto to protect his fragile heart. Getting his hopes up only to find out he’s wrong would crush him, and he can’t risk a devastation of such proportions right now. He’s barely getting out of bed in the morning as it is.

Penelope seems to catch on to his spiralling thought process and leans over to lay a hand on his knee. “Hey, I know it’s intimidating,” she says gently, “and you don’t have to think about it as a date if you don’t want to, especially if you’re apprehensive because he hasn’t said anything explicitly. I just don’t want you to doubt yourself. I promise you he has feelings for you, too, okay? You need to trust me on this one. That man is absolutely gone for you.”

Despite himself, he finds himself smiling at her as her words warm him from the inside out. Even if he knows he has to be careful with his heart, he can’t help the optimism his head conjures up at such a promise from someone he trusts with his life. “Okay,” he whispers shyly.

“Right,” she says, putting her half-empty coffee mug down on the table and gripping Spencer’s free hand to pull him up from his pathetic sprawl across the sofa. “Come on, you. Aaron won’t be long, let’s get you looking at least half-human.”

He only agrees because she lets him bring his own coffee mug with him to the bathroom. She’s a good friend.

Penelope slips out a few minutes before Aaron is set to arrive per Spencer’s request, and he sits nervously on the sofa, waiting for the doorbell to buzz. He’d chosen his favourite shirt and tie combo and gone with a lilac sweater under his smartest navy coat. He holds his scarf in his fidgeting fingers, ready to put it on once they get outside, but he still feels naked. Suddenly, everything that’s riding on this day out fills him with a sort of dread and he feels vulnerable, scared of all the endless ways this could go so wrong.

Before he can spiral properly though, his intercom buzzes and he rushes over to answer it, even though he knows who it is. He’s glad he does, because Jack’s voice crackles its way into the quiet of his apartment. “Spencer, Spencer, come out, we’re here,” he shouts excitedly, and even though Spencer winces at the feedback his high-pitched voice elicits, a fond smile still finds its way onto his face.

“I’m on my way down, buddy,” he says back, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster, before patting his pockets to make sure he has his keys, phone, and wallet. He locks his door carefully and makes his way down to the front of his building. Apprehension balls in a pit in his stomach, but it loosens as soon as he approaches the pair waiting in the cold outside the front door.

Jack runs up to him and he crouches down to give him a big hug, wishing he had the strength and confidence to pick him up and twirl him around like he’s seen Aaron and Derek do so many times. Jack doesn’t seem bothered, though, an excited grin painted across his face as he pulls back from the hug.

“Hey,” Aaron says once Jack has let Spencer go and he stands back up straight. He presses a hand gently to the middle of Spencer’s back and the touch spreads warmth up to his shoulders as he watches the curve of Aaron’s smile. “How are you doing?”

“Rocky morning,” Spencer admits — he’s almost certain Penelope sends Aaron status reports, so lying is pointless. “Penelope helped.”

“She always does,” Aaron says warmly, keeping one hand on Spencer’s back while the other holds Jacks as they walk to the car parked a little way down the street. A little spark of excitement rushes through Spencer’s body as he briefly lets himself think about what casual passers-by might assume about the three of them. “You still up for the Natural History Museum?”

“Of course,” Spencer replies, as brightly as he can, trying to ignore the pull of sorrow still weighing his gut down. “Are you looking forward to seeing the dinosaurs, Jack?”

“Yes!” Jack shouts eagerly, letting go of Aaron’s hand to unzip his little puffer coat to reveal his long-sleeve t-shirt. A big, green t-rex stands out against the blue background, and Jack’s never looked prouder. “Dinosaur, see?”

“I do,” Spencer laughs. “It’s a great shirt, Jack.”

“Hey, let’s zip that coat back up, buddy, well done,” Aaron says gently and Jack does so obediently. “He insisted on wearing it,” he tells Spencer once Jack’s hand is back in his and he’s securely wrapped up. “He wanted to show you.”

They arrive at the car before Spencer can reply, and Aaron opens the passenger door for him to get in before strapping Jack into his car seat and setting him up with a few of his toys, including his favourite dinosaurs. It’s only a fifteen minute journey to the museum, and they pass the first half of it in a comfortable silence, but eventually, Spencer works up the courage to ask the question that’s been at the tip of his tongue the past two weeks.

“How’s work?” he asks, trying to be as innocuous as possible, though his awkward avoidance of Aaron’s eyes probably gives him away.

“It’s good.” He’s clearly treading carefully as he eyes Spencer for a brief moment before he returns his gaze to the road. “We’ve only had one major case since you left, and we muddled our way through it, got it solved. Everyone does miss you, though, Spencer. They really do.”

It’s a concept he still can’t really get his head around. He hasn’t been around for a year, not really, and they didn’t miss him then. It feels almost… convenient, to Spencer. Guilt is not remorse.

“Have you found my replacement yet?” Spencer surprises himself by not feeling any jealousy at the prospect of someone taking his position on the team. He’d long ago accepted how replaceable he is socially, and it’s not like the pool of talented, intelligent prospective agents is exactly small. He also has no desire to be around his old team; not as they were in the build-up to his resignation, not like that. He still has Aaron and Penelope, but he’s only just starting to trust that they’re not going anywhere.

“I think so,” Aaron sighs heavily. “As long as her paperwork goes through, she’ll join the team later this week.”

Spencer nods, not really knowing what to say to that. Aaron reaches his right hand across the console and rests it on top of Spencer’s clasped hands, the warm reassuring weight of not just anyone’s touch but Aaron Hotchner’s turning his insides into a melted puddle as his heart beats faster. He hooks one of his fingers over Aaron’s, a silent message to keep his hand there, and he doesn’t worry about what to say next. Nothing needs to be said.

Spencer knows the Natural History Museum like the back of his hand, so he directs them to the best parking spot before taking the lead and walking them into the gorgeous, open foyer. Jack bounces excitedly between them, so Aaron lifts him onto his shoulders to reduce the likelihood of a disaster.

“It’s not too busy for a Sunday,” Spencer observes, half trying to calm himself down in such an unfamiliar environment, “so we should be able to see everything we want to. Jack, do you want to see the dinosaurs now or later?”

“Now!” he shouts loudly, wiggling as happiness floods his little body. Spencer smiles fondly at the pair, and a little more of the apprehension he’d felt at leaving the house melts away.

“Well how could I refuse that request?” he chuckles, leading them towards the dinosaur exhibit. His breath catches when he feels the back of Aaron’s hand brush the back of his, and in a moment of bold and brash insanity, he interlocks his pinky with Aaron’s. After the moment in the car, he feels such an action is warranted, but as soon as he does it, panic sets in.

Before he can retract his finger though, Aaron takes Spencer’s hand properly. The feeling of Aaron’s big hand gripping his own in a gentle but firm hold makes his stomach dip, and goosebumps find their way up his arms and down his side. He’s never felt safer than right in this moment — never mind the crowds of people they’re passing through; the insecurity of being outside his flat; the uncertainty of what could happen — never mind all of that, because his hand is in Aaron’s and Aaron keeps him safe. He doesn’t trust much anymore, but he will always trust Aaron.

Jack babbles eagerly the whole way to the dinosaur exhibit, repeating some of the facts Spencer had taught him in his previous visits to the Hotchner household in a “did you know?” format, leaving both Aaron and Spencer chuckling fondly, trying to encourage him as much as possible.

Spencer shows them around the exhibit, acting as their tiny group’s personal tour guide, and Jack couldn’t be happier, insisting on walking instead of being carried so he can press his face up as close as possible to the displays, his breath fogging up the glass as he leaves fingerprints all over the cases. They spend nearly an hour walking around the exhibit, playing with the interactive toys and examining each and every display in a close-up fashion.

Once they wrap up their dinosaur exploring, Spencer brings Jack to a bench and asks him what his favourite thing he learned is.

“Uhh,” Jack hums, furrowing his eyebrows in a way that reminds him so much of Aaron it’s almost uncanny, “oh! They were terrible and they were stupid!”

Spencer’s confused for a moment before laughing as he manages to decode what Jack is trying to say. “Dinosaur does translate to ‘terrible lizard’, well done,” he agrees, “and you’re right, they weren’t much smarter than reptiles these days. Good job, Jack!” He raises his hand for a high-five, and Jack doesn’t waste any time in slapping his palm to Spencer’s.

“Can we get ice cream?” he asks eagerly, widening his eyes in a plea as he looks at Aaron who's been observing the unravelling scene from the pillar next to the bench.

“Go on then,” Aaron concedes, grinning at his son’s uncontainable happiness as he wiggles around next to Spencer.

They head to the museum’s cafe and all order ice cream, taking a seat in the middle of the canteen.

“This reminds me of field trips back in school,” Spencer muses, gesturing to the surrounding noise with his spoon.

“Yeah?” Aaron asks while Jack picks distractedly at a scratch on the table, licking his ice cream cone happily.

“Before I was identified as a gifted student and sent years up the grade school ladder, I was a fairly normal kid in a fairly normal school. We went on a field trip to a museum in first grade, and I loved every minute of it. I got to impress all my friends by sharing all my memorised facts about space, and we ate our packed lunches in a canteen like this. My mum was still on her meds back then, and she’d cut all my ham sandwiches into dinosaur shapes.”

Aaron’s smiling at him as he talks, and he realises that it’s probably because it’s the most he’s had to say in weeks, much less something anecdotal and personal. Spencer realises belatedly that it’s the sort of thing one might share on a date, but there’s nothing he can do about it now.

“I’m glad you have nice memories from your early childhood, Spencer,” he says, and his hand reaches across the table to find Spencer’s again. “It’s the least you deserve.”

He averts his eyes as he blushes, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed by the attention, and focuses on his ice cream for a few minutes before he’s cooled down a bit. “What about you?” he asks, meeting Aaron’s eyes again. “Any field trip memories?”

“I made out with my ninth grade girlfriend at the planetarium once,” he admits quietly, a mirthful chuckle finding its way into his voice.

“Maybe minutely better than dinosaur shaped sandwiches,” Spencer says, a little shyly.

“Ooh, dinosaur sandwiches!” Jack chimes in, suddenly aware of the conversation the adults are having. “Can I have some?”

Spencer’s phone vibrates just as Aaron goes to appease Jack’s enthusiasm for novelty shaped lunch food, and he pulls it out curiously. These days, the only people to text him are Aaron and Penelope, and Penelope had told him she was going out with a friend today.

Hey, pretty boy — Spencer’s heart sinks as he reads the first line of the message, tears immediately springing to his eyes — I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. Hotch said something about personal stuff going on? Anyway, I thought I’d text you to tell you just how much we miss you at the BAU. Life isn’t the same without you, and it was hard to not even get a chance to say goodbye. Any chance we could meet up at some point? We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to, we can just go grab a coffee or something. D

Aaron must read something off in his face — it’s not exactly like he’s trying to hide it — and he immediately slides closer to him on the circular canteen bench. “Hey, hey, Spencer,” he says soothingly, “you’re alright. What’s going on?” He just slides the phone over to show Aaron the message, and he immediately gets it. “I know that must be overwhelming, and we’re in public which can’t be helping.” He glances over at Jack who’s looking worryingly at Spencer, clearly confused. “Why don’t we go back to our place? Jack and I will help you feel better, won’t we, buddy?”

Jack nods at that, pressing himself into Spencer’s side and wrapping his tiny arms around him. “Yeah, we make you feel better.” He reaches up and clumsily brushes a tear away from Spencer’s cheek before kissing it. It makes his heart warm that this is how Jack treats someone sad: he must be emulating the behaviour adults have shown him in these situations, and Jack only ever deserves the absolute best. Especially after losing his mom.

“Thank you,” he whispers, pressing himself closer to Aaron. Every time he’s upset he seems to lose his inhibitions around him, but he can’t help it. He needs the comfort only Aaron can provide, and after denying his starving heart the love and reassurance it's been begging for for so long, he can’t help but indulge himself now it’s finally an option.

They make their way back to the car and Spencer’s in such a haze of confusing emotion the only thing he can really ground himself in is Aaron’s arm wrapped around his waist and Jack gripping his hand on his other side, sending him worried looks. If he had the wherewithal to feel anything other than a deep sense of grief combined with rising panic he’d feel guilty for ruining such a nice day out, but as it stands he’s spared that particular brand of misery.

The drive back to Aaron’s is a little longer than the first journey of the day, but Spencer just clings to the hand Aaron offered him as soon as they got back in the car and tries desperately not to spin completely out of control and start hyperventilating in front of the five year old strapped into his car seat behind him.

Jack is asked to play in his room for a bit once they get home and he obeys, aware of — if not entirely comprehending — the tension in the air. As Spencer sits on the sofa waiting for Aaron to get back with a glass of water, the grief and panic clear a little. He hates himself for the relentless gravity of his depression: the way it pulls down even the brightest of days, the way he can physically feel his insides being sucked downwards into the blackhole of desolation.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asks gently as he sits next to Spencer on the couch, close enough that their arms are touching. Self-loathing is the only thing preventing him from leaning into his comfort like he did at the museum, like he did in the car. Instead he pulls away and curls himself as small as possible into the corner of the sofa. When Spencer doesn’t reply, Aaron takes a risk. “Do you think you might be so upset because somewhere, deep down, you want to see Derek too?”

He snaps his head up at that, surprised Aaron would say something so blunt and, as much as Spencer doesn’t want to admit it, truthful. After a good few moments of contemplative and patient silence, his thoughts are ordered enough to voice them. “I miss them all,” he admits quietly. “I desperately want to see Derek. But the Derek I left hurt me so much I wouldn’t know where to even start in trying to reconnect with him.”

Aaron nods in understanding from his spot in the middle of the sofa. Spencer longs for this pit of self-loathing to melt away so he can feel confident enough to crawl back across the cushions and share Aaron’s personal space again.

“That makes a lot of sense, Spencer,” he says, resting a gentle hand on his ankle, and it’s such a casual, intimate touch he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He settles on not moving even an inch, lest Aaron pull his hand away. “For what it’s worth, the others have started to piece together why you left. I know they’re all regretting how everything played out, and everyone on the team misses you sorely.”

Spencer ponders that for a moment. He doesn’t know how it makes him feel: it’s nice to be missed, and a sick sort of vindication flourishes in the less savoury side of him at the idea of the others realising the crippling, world-changing pain he’s been in for the last year, right under their noses.

He misses so much about the others, but that’s not new: he’s missed JJ’s hugs and Derek’s teasing and Emily’s friendship for close to a year now. Sitting at his desk in the bullpen next to Derek and Emily’s private bantering, sharing an inside joke he didn’t understand towards the end of his career at the BAU had cut deep, reminding him just how achingly alone he was.

“I don’t know where to start,” he says hopelessly, feeling like he’s repeating himself. Tears spring to his eyes again, spilling down his cheeks relentlessly, as though the second he’d let one fall, they toppled down his face like river water desperate to escape, unsure of when the dam will close again.

Aaron scoots himself over to Spencer’s end of the sofa like he can’t help himself, and this time he lets himself fold into Aaron’s warm embrace. He cries as quietly as possible, but it’s hard when he doesn’t have the energy to do anything other than sob helplessly. He can hear himself; he knows he sounds like a broken, defeated man, but he simply doesn’t have the power to care.

As his sobs start to dry out, he sees that Aaron is crying, too. He’d noticed his wet eyes the last few times he’d cried in his presence as well, and he has no idea how to feel about it. If Aaron is seriously going to cry every time he does, though, then he’d better strap in.

“Why don’t you have a nap?” he suggests, wiping a tear from the sensitive skin under Spencer’s eye so tenderly it makes his heart clench. “Then afterwards, we can think of a way to go about this. Maybe we could start with a short text back. How does that sound?”

Spencer nods tiredly, and lets Aaron help him get into a comfortable position on the sofa. A warm, soft throw is draped over him and Aaron half closes the living room blind, but the day is dark and grey enough already anyway. As he’s falling off to sleep, a hot water bottle is tucked under the blanket and he instinctively curls up against the warmth, but he knows that the real comforting soporific is the man reading quietly in the armchair next to him.

For the first time in a long time, Spencer looks forward to waking up.

Chapter Eight

Rereading Penelope in this chapter when I came to edit it made me want to take a second to recognise all of the unofficial carers out there <3 I've been a carer for both my mum and my grandmother at various times in my childhood and teens, and it's tough going. If you're looking after a friend or a family member, please remember how amazing and wonderful you are, and also remember that it's okay if it's too much, and it's okay if you need to cry or scream or break down. You are still just as brilliant no matter your emotional reaction to what is an exceptionally difficult situation to find yourself in. I love you, and I'm always here to talk to you about this (or anything that comes up in this fic!) <3

If this chapter brought anything up for you, hotlines are in the endnotes of the AO3 version of this fic. Bigger countries are listed and a link is included if you live somewhere else in the world. I love you <3

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @marvel-ous-m @oliverbrnch @sbeno22 @aaron-hotchner187 @kuolonsyoja

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind Insidious (2010) And The 5 WEIRDEST Stories Of Astral Projection You Need To Know About feat. The Cold War

It's one of those horror films that just gets it right.

Yes, it wears all the trademarks of overworked tropes, and sure, it has yet to shed its transphobic skin. But the beast that emerged from James Wan's mind and slithered onto the cinema screen recaptured timeless traditions with a new sense of terror.

And yet somehow the rosy cheeks of the Lipstick-Faced Demon gleaming in his various jump scares aren't the scariest thing about this film.

You see, most of the horror movies that manage to scar me for life are allegedly based on real stories - James Wan (who also directed The Conjuring franchise) is no stranger to fleshing out his dark ideas with even more twisted truths. So it was only recently when I discovered how accurate Insidious (2010) was to real paranormal phenomena that young Dalton's venture into the Further became far more terrifying.

And I need to tell someone about it. From the supernatural to the Soviet Union, Insidious is grounded in far more than rumours of a haunted house.

Insidious is based on real historic events and real experiences.

The first installment of one of horror’s most famous franchises, Insidious is already celebrating its 10th birthday. In fact, that’s how old Dalton was when he fell into a mysterious coma - and then stumbled into purgatory.

Instead of having anxiety dreams about not studying for the french exam like the rest of us, Dalton is falling asleep, separating his soul from his body, and having a gander ‘round an astral realm (like heaven or hell) called The Further. The Further is crammed full of dead people and they all want to possess the fresh young body that basically walked into the wrong room.

The first 2 films follow Dalton and his family as they navigate the all-American struggle of being followed by endless paranormal activity and various family members being stuck in purgatory.

After strange occurrences follow the family from house-to-house (which only seems to extend as far as hot-topic-goth-demons standing by the beds of Dalton and his younger siblings) a local psychic is summoned to figure out what in the f*ck is going on. Elise uses her spidey senses to determine that yep, there’s a demon and no, the house isn’t haunted.

It’s the boy, it’s Dalton.

It then turns out that this ability is hereditary (*piano wire flashback*) and comes from Dalton’s father. Josh actually worked with Elise when he was a kid after his astral projecting resulted in a ‘parasitic spirit’ of an old woman following him the afterlife. Elise therefore sends Daddy-O into The Further to fetch Dalton and bring him home.

Daddy-O does the job, and Dalton returns to his body safely and wakes up. But Daddy-O ain’t Daddy-O. Josh’s body has been possessed by the female spirit that stalks him and his soul is stuck back in The Further. The next film follows up on this plot twist and deepens our exploration into the capabilities of astral projection - namely the potential for time travel. But Insidious 2: Papa Don’t Preach mainly revolves around the backstory of the female spirit that possesses Josh.

[INSERT TRANSPHOBIA]

I’ve already dissected what Hollywood Horror gets wrong with transphobia. But I’ve yet to tumble into the world of astral projection - a world full of proof of the paranormal and political chaos, too. Dalton and his daddy issues are only the tip of the iceberg.

What Is Astral Projection?

Astral projection is an intentional out of body experience and is practised by those that follow esotericism (a religion which combines loads of different Western religious ideas) but it is present in many different belief systems. During projection the soul separates from the physical body.

The soul, or the astral body, is a body of light that links the rational soul to the physical body and is considered to be a silvery spine-like ‘cord’. The astral body travels to different astral planes which can be populated by all types of entities including angels, demons, and dead people. The Further represents one of these astral planes.

Each culture and each religion has a different take on projection, for example the Japanese believe those who are ill or comatose - like dear Dalton - are more prone to astral projection.

In Insidious we also see astral projection take a number of forms: there’s obviously the travel to different planes like The Further, but we see time travel, too. This chimes in with the different schools of thought regarding astral travel.

The history of this practice dates back to the Roman Empire, but only in the 18th century did discussion of astral projection take place when Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about his own out of body experiences. Interest in projection increased throughout the 20th century with many notable historic figures claiming they’ve ventured into other realms including noted American activist Helen Keller (she claimed she astral projected to Athens):

"I have been far away all this time, and I haven't left the room...It was clear to me that it was because I was a spirit that I had so vividly 'seen' and felt a place a thousand miles away. Space was nothing to spirit!"

Aside from being practised by historic figures, it took centre stage in a historic era, too. It was during the Cold War that the study and practice of projection took off and it became a political weapon. Beyond the cultural war, however, was a plethora of evidence suggesting the events we see in Insidious might be all too real.

The Soviet Union & The Supernatural

Unclassified CIA documents are a staple amongst paranormal enthusiasts, especially those who have a habit of following mysterious lights in the sky. A top secret memo from 1974, proposed an experiment where Patrick Price, a former police officer, would use astral projection to gain information regarding a Soviet installation in the Ural Mountains. They wanted entry and exit points, they wanted floor plans, and they wanted operations details. This was a covert operation that used paranormal capabilities already being tested and trialled by their communist rivals.

In the 1970s the Cold War took a different turn: thanks to Soviet research into ordinary people’s supernatural abilities including astral projection, American intelligence agencies sought to do the same. Just as the atomic bomb was being built, scientists Seymon and Valentina Kirlian were developing technology that could capture one’s aura in a photograph. They were investigating energy fields, trying to mentally influence animal behaviour, and practicing telepathic communication.

Yogis and masters of ancient magic were even brought in in an attempt to harness the potential of paranormal forces.

“the major impetus behind the Soviet drive to harness the possible capabilities of telepathic communication, telekinetics, and bionics is said to come from the Soviet military and the KGB”

A Defense Intelligence Agency report

Throughout the 1960s a surge in parapsychological research centres took place as ordered by a Kremlin edict. As per the Cold War, the US swiftly did the same.

But it was when the US caught wind experiments using bioplasma they grew concerned. Bioplasmic connectors to human beings echoed claims of the silver cord which - as mentioned previously - was a key part of astral projection.

A Soviet agent could travel across realms, eras, and countries in spirit-form and be going through American filing cabinets. The Americans needed to make astral projection a weapon of their own. Dr Eugene Bernard was one of the many doctors who would pioneer research into projection and sought people willing to travel to these distant realms.

Bernard was quickly caught up with the Soviet-supernatural-situ which included theories of an army of psychic spies.

Soon dozens of recruits would practice astral projection and recount their experiences including a woman called Beverly Chalker: she travelled in spirit from Dallas to a house in New Jersey and described in detail the things she saw. She saw a man asleep with a book on the floor, describing his pyjamas and the decor of the room. The team investigating her astral projection verified her claims.

She was right.

Similar stories soon leaked to the public and many ordinary Americans began to try their hand at exploring spiritual realms. Books, articles, and even a set of infamous tapes released in 1973 claimed to reveal how one could separate their soul from their body.

It used a rhythmic ticking noise to hypnotise those seeking new paranormal abilities - something we hear throughout Insidious. The tapes would be used by one Robert Antoszczyk, an infamous practitioner of projection who would mysteriously die in during a session. 6 weeks later, Patrick Price died, too. We will talk about Antoszczyk later.

Even security in the White House was allegedly amped up over reports the Russians were looking into giving their astral soldiers physical strength so they could become assassins. Interest in projection soon grew out of control, and by the 1980s the surge in serial killers was pinned on a vast number of them practicing it in prison.

(Many followed a range of extremist religious beliefs - practicing astral projection doesn’t make you a serial killer.)

Concerns also claimed some projectors could become ‘zombies’ if the soul got lost, just like Dalton was in Insidious. In fact, one practitioner demarcated several zones of astral travel with Zone C being the limbo where souls were trapped. According to some, The Further was real.

And Robert Antoszczyk was stuck there.

5 Craziest Stories & Accounts Of Astral Projection

#1 - Robert Antoszczyk

Antoszczyk was one of the many Americans swept by the incoming tide of astral projection. He had been taught the practice by a yogi whilst in India, but unlike many other Americans who tumbled into amateur projection, he delved in head-first.

He then began to have dreams about a beautiful woman. Her exotic looks and compelling voice was calling to him from a different realm and he wanted to follow it.

On the 1st of June 1975, he told his roommate not to disturb him. He went into his bedroom, locked the door, and followed the method of astral projection as explained by those tapes released in 1973.

3 days passed. His roommate grew concerned. He broke down the door to discover that Robert was dead. His seemingly healthy roommate was lying on his bed and smiling. There was no signs of a struggle or a seizure or any other cause of death.

Medical experts could offer no answer as to how he died. A local astrologer, however, claimed the answer was obvious: he simply decided not to return to his body. His death would be blamed on his astral projection and it would make headlines across the states.

But some alleged that he was not fully at fault - he was drawn in by a beautiful female entity that would call out to many others with her enticing voice. The descriptions of the woman all related to Ammut, an ancient Egyptian female demonness. And according to the Ancient Egyptians, she existed in astral planes and consumed souls of those she came across.

Laverne Landis heard the same voice. It might have killed her, too.

#2 - Laverne Landis

This mother of five was found dead in the woods in Minnesota by a construction worker in winter of 1982. She wasn’t a typical recruit for projection as a nurse working at a local hospital - but she had started hearing a voice.

The voice was from an astral spirit that promised her the power to heal the sick. So she quit her job, abandoned her children, and drove for 6 months with the voice of Ammut as her guide.

The voice grew stronger and she felt the voice vibrating in the wilderness around her. Her psychic group warned her against astral projection, claiming she might get stuck in limbo. She ignored them, and Landis and her boyfriend followed the voice to Loon Lake on a long trail road through the wilderness.

“We’ve got to stay here. They’re going to be in. I know it, I can feel it, they’re almost here.”

After Laverne passed away, probably from starvation or hypothermia, her boyfriend pulled himself through the snow and alerted a local.

Landis also reportedly was very interest in UFOs and was part of a UFO ‘cult’, and might have also gone to the woods to wait for a flying saucer to land. Either way, she was waiting for something out of this world.

#3 - Seton High School

In 1975 an entire class of students in a prep school in Cincinnati attempted astral projection. They were led in an experiment from which they would ‘travel’ home, report back what they saw, and phone calls home would prove travel via spirit was real.

(Unfortunately, this is all I can uncover on this case, but it is still creepy AF.)

#4 - Robert Monroe

Robert Monroe was obsessed with astral projection. He had often practiced it during the 1970s, even becoming angry seeing a man sleeping next to his wife in bed - before realising it was him. He subjected himself to examination at a local hospital by a psychiatrist.

They verified his astral projection put him into a comatose state rather than a sleeping state.

Monroe then spent a huge fortune on an institute in Virginia to specialise in research into projection featuring an isolation chamber to provide optimal circumstances for projection. And on one occasion he even felt a ‘trunk’ in his back during projection, something he believes was the silver cord.

The United States Army Intelligence and Security Command investigated his techniques and used his claims to inform their desire to create an army of astral projectors.

#5 - Cadell Jeansen Raja

What do Charles Manson, Herbert Mullin, and David Berkowitz have in common? Yes, they are some of America’s most infamous serial killers. But they also all studied astral projection with a desire to harness paranormal abilities they believed would provide new tools to accompany their horrific acts.

(I don’t often make mention of serial killers on this blog, but the perplexing and evil acts committed by Cadell Jeansen Raja should be mentioned.)

In 2017, Raja killed each member of his family over several days. He constantly changed the motive for murder to mislead the police, but later admitted he harboured anger against his successful family members and was obsessed by the occult.

He experimented with the separation of the soul from the body and was living in a ‘virtual world’. He then claimed his family members were killed during their own astral projection.

***

Would you dare venture into The Further?

Let me know in a comment below!

Make sure you also like and reblog this post and then hit follow to read a new article on the paranormal every weekend.

[taskfocused]

YOU KNOW WHAT IM HERE FOR!!! A-Z FOR KEICCHI PLS!!!!

sfw alphabet ask meme (not accepting) / @starbloomed

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

In the "expressive affection" scale, if 10 is the highest, he'd be a 3 at best (but it'd grow to 5 in high school due to Fu.kuroudani's influence). I wrote a headcanon post where the tl;dr is his low to average E.Q. compared to his I.Q.. He was raised in a household that certainly didn't thrive in familial affection. It was more like a "professional" affection at best. And it'd explain why Keiji is taken aback by bright, genuine praises from someone who's as open and honest as Bokuto. As for how he'd show affection, he's hopeless when it comes to expressing it through words. He doesn't have a problem telling praises to other people, but he doesn't regard that as something affectionate. It's just something he takes as fact for himself. Ergo, he's the textbook example of being smart academically, but he has room for improvement in social cues. Nonetheless, he's more of an action than words kind of guy, despite being the type to talk a lot.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As we've seen in the manga, Keiji certainly isn't the type to hold a standard when it comes to friends. He can get along with anyone and everyone as long as there is a common interest. In spite of me being a rambler of his overthinking tendencies, his interactions/connections and friendships with people are something he thankfully doesn't overthink over that much. But if he's someone best friend, then he's very much the type who is really great at looking after his close friend. He's also more shameless and relentless in his comments, but it also depends on the kind of dynamic (if it's something entirely platonic, then best expect nothing but highkey affectionate roasts. But romantically, there is a chance he'd be gentler in his... wordings.). And Keiji usually values his personal space and private time, but he'd throw that all away for his closest friends. He's also a very good listener; practical in giving advice. Something that he needs improvement in is definitely his sensitivity to someone else's feelings, even if it is someone he is awfully close to, since he could say things that are too much or too overwhelming (lacking build-up in revealing the point at that).

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Keiji, in terms of physical affection, is like adaptable depending on the person. If the person is expressive and open in romantic affection like Minako, then he'd love to give and receive cuddles from her. But in general, he isn't a touchy-feely type of person towards anyone at all. His conservative nature plays a part in that too. It's displayed time and time again in both the manga and anime that he hides his hands behind his back, and aside from being a polite gesture, it's become a habit of his to rub his hands or fidget with his fingers as a sign of overthinking. But yeah, it's not that he's against physical intimacy, he just has to leave his comfort zone, and that the person he'd do that for is someone's he truly and absolutely close and comfortable with. It's the equivalent of him taking down his final wall, so if your muse gets to hug him? Your muse is considered one of the closest in his life period.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

It's something he's never "dreamed" about per se. And it won't be something that'd cross his mind until maybe he gets invited at weddings of his friends and/or colleagues at work. His priorities are focused on the present, especially during the time skip. In fact, he finds it fascinating and interesting on how his co-workers would find time to be in stable relationships that work out despite the intense workload as editors. But ofc, with minakaashi, it's something that wasn't "planned" ahead of time. It came out of nowhere, but since he's had feelings and thoughts of wanting to stay with Minako for the rest of their lives for so long, that's already enough of a conviction that he'd want to settle down with her, because there's simply no other :) During his time at home, he's usually home by himself, so part of his independence is being able to be decent at household chores. While yes, his family is well off, but he has enough skills thankfully to be able to take care of himself and his partner.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Keiji's an absolute unit when it comes to loyalty and faithfulness towards his partner. But it's also his selflessness towards anyone that'd compel him to make a decision that if a break-up is necessary for the other's happiness and betterment, then as much as it'd break his heart, he'd do it in a heartbeat. It shows how much he's willing to go for another's happiness, even if it meant sacrificing his own. He always regards someone else more important, and sadly, he doesn't realize that he's just as important as a piece of the puzzle that makes a relationship go both ways in the first place. He'd be cold and aloof about it to make sure he's giving off a sign that he means business, as well as to give off the sign early on that whatever he'd say won't be good news at all.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, like his stance on anything romantic, it really depends on the person (I mean with minakaashi, they got married in their early 20s go figure haha). Generally, he's iffy about something like that. He's lived most of his life independent; something he has accustomed to and a way of life that is hard to break. Marriage is something he doesn't take seriously, and something he isn't worried about. He's convinced himself that if the time comes, then so be it. But if no such time comes, he's also accepted that too. But in terms of committment, despite what I just said about him being iffy about the concept of marriage, he'd be very loyal to his partner no matter what. He'd think the love he obtained was purely luck, like he hit the jackpot. So, his partner makes him feel like he's the luckiest person in the world, basically :')

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

When it comes to words, he's average in the gentleness scale. Sometimes, he thinks it's just better to be practically honest. And maybe that practical mindset is why he'd look insensitive at times, but he always has the best intentions of the other person at heart. In line with his conservative nature, it's a no-brainer that he'd be so gentle with touches. Whether it's patching up a wound, bandaging fingers before a match, or holding someone's hand. And Keiji's hands (except for the tips of his fingers that are calloused) are soft to the touch! He doesn't like his hands feeling rough and dry, so he brings this softening hand sanitizer with him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

If asked whether he likes hugs, the answer is mostly neutral to negative. He didn't grow on skinship, and maintains a belief that affection can be expressed subtly. He isn't against hugs per se, but time and time again, it really depends on who is asking a hug from him. I think only a select few in his life will ever get the privilge of receiving a warm hug from him. Not to mention if he's the one who'd initiate him? Dang, your muse is just his number one :0 (And yes, he does that to Minako a lot, heh.) In the main arc/timeskip, he'd hug his parents whenever he comes from for New Year's unlike in high school where he didn't dare entertain such thoughts. His parents sending him away to university and letting him live independently by himself, letting him grow into the person he wanted without expectations helped him grow emotionally and more attached to his parents :) So maybe at the timeskip period, he'd be more open to hugs from friends and such. Time's been kind to him!

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

[insert Scott Pilgrim reference here]

Hmmm, while Keiji is a man of words, but when it comes to his innermost feelings-- That's another story. He'd be sooooooooooo slow on saying it out loud. Maybe Guiness World of Record slow. It's what makes plotting romantic scenarios with him very enjoyable >:3 He might say it in the most inconvenient scenarios, like during a hard downpour, a fast vehicle passing by, a siren ringing... He's cursed with bad timing. It's all about pushing him out of his comfort zone to be more expressive and open with his emotions. And it's after he says it the first time that he'd get the confidence to say it more often. And he knows how sacred and important feelings are to another person, so if he tells someone he loves them, it's in the level of "koishiteiru" in which the love is THAT deep and profound. He doesn't even say the level of "daisuki" casually towards friends. It's likely due to his conservative and traditional upbringing, where back then, it's more of being able to confess feelings in a more subtle way (the "isn't the moon beautiful tonight?" kind of subtle).

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He isn't the jealous type at all. As mentioned before, he's a keeper when it comes to loyalty and faithfulness. He fully trusts his partner 120%. But when said partner attempts to make him jealous on purpose right in front of his face, maybe he'd show signs. Since along the way, he'd realize it's also healthy to be emotional when his partner's attention is fixated on someone else when it's about something that doesn't involve work or other non-personal matters. But because he also has the patience of a heccing saint, it'd take a while for that to happen. When he does get jealous, he doesn't like himself when he's getting annoyed about something that he shouldn't worry about. But again, it's an important for his personal growth, so pls make him jealous hahaha.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Keiji is a hesitant kisser (a very endearing trait) at first. He doesn't look like it, but when it comes to crossing physical boundaries and invading personal spaces, he gets shyer the closer he gets. It'd take time for him to be the one to initiate. He'd think he's not experienced and confident enough. But one day he'd realize it'd be unfair if he doesn't let his partner that his feelings for them are indeed romantic. It also depends whether his partner love relishing in physical affection as much verbal and subtle affection. And for someone like Minako, giving her kisses all the time is part of his resume as soulmate and husband!!

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Very awkward. He's the only child in his family, and he doesn't spend time with relatives that much either. Hardly spent time with kids growing up, so he doesn't know how to handle them. He'd need something to help him get over the awkwardness. Maybe if it's him teaching volleyball to a kid's volleyball session, then that'd help him get to know how kids behave better. He won't be surprised on how wild, rowdy, and careless they can be. He had faced people like this in life. It's just how he'd treat them is what makes him look clueless when it comes to dealing with children. But he's very open-minded and keen on learning how to take care of them. So, basically, don't let him babysit a kid because he'd see them like some experiment at a lab sjdks (mostly in the fascinated look kind of way, ok).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's mostly an early bird. Ironic since he stays up late a lot either due to work or reading a lot. He likes to live his life in an organized manner, so he'd give himself a routine to follow. But sometimes, he'd get too obsessive with it that if one part of the routine isn't followed, he'd be an emotional and overthinking wreck lol. So it's better if he learns to have a balance of being organized and spontaneous. He has the tendency to be too strict with himself since of course, time is always of the essence for him. But he'd adjust on his lifestyle depending on the person he'd be living with, especially if it's in a romantic setting. With Minako, he'd wake up before her, give her a forehead kiss as he makes breakfast for them and their family ok-- All the cute domestic goodness! It'll never go out of style.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Peaceful and quiet most of the time. In the timeskip, he'd spend an hour or two reading by himself or doing some other hobby to unwind. He doesn't talk much either as he's recovering energy after interacting with a lot of people. (He's more of an ambivert as he doesn't have any problem socializing. He doesn't get overwhelmed by it either, but after everything, he'd prefer to have some time by himself.) A lot of times, he'd work overtime at his own place, since he wants to accomplish a lot that'd hopefully finish the objective earlier than scheduled. But as an editor in the manga industry, that's just hopeful thinking since it depends on how productive the manga artist he's working with is. Other times, especially during intense deadlines, he'd straight up flop down the bed and is knocked out cold immediately.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As mentioned in the earlier letters, the pace of Keiji opening up about himself is Guiness World of Records kind of slow. He's always been thoughtful and selfless, but he doesn't realize the importance of self-love; of how receiving compliments feels as good as giving someone else praise. He believes that there isn't that much interesting about himself, that he doesn't have much to talk about himself. He doesn't want to waste the other person's time with some mundane information about himself. But in reality, there are many notable things about him, like his habits, photographic memory, intelligence, talent in volleyball, his way of looking out for people (and also being handsome but he doesn't acknowledge anything about his looks). He's awkward when it comes to talking about "feelings". But when it comes to asking his opinion about things and that, he doesn't have any problems opening up at all.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Ha, we someone with the patience of a goddamn saint over here. Yes, he gets annoyed like anyone else, but in the manga, we've never seen him downright enraged at anyone. The closest we got was him being angry at himself for dragging the team down because of his overconfidence. It's sad that his self-love is lacking so much that he'd go as far as blame himself. His overthinking tendencies help in the manner that it helps his reasoning of why a certain thing is happening or why someone is being the way they are. He's the type that hardly gets mad, but when he does, he's really scary. That means the person who angered him fucked up big time. (I can imagine that Keiji would get angry at the enemies going after Minako and the rest of the senshi! And I want to know how Minako reacts when she sees Keiji like that >:3)

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partner? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

An advantage of having Keiji as a friend or romantic partner is his photographic memory. So anyone else can forget this important detail, event or date, since they can rely on Keiji to keep that in mind for the both of them. He's all about the little details, the nitty gritty. He wants to know if the answer he'd come up is the absolute truth, or is absolutely correct. And that goes for facts about his partner, too. I think he'd know about the other person more than himself, to be honest. So yeah, he's really smart in a lot of things, except for himself and his own feelings for sure. Again, it's mostly because he thinks of the wellbeing of other people more than himself. So there'd be a balance because the other person can have the achievement of knowing THE Aka.aashi Keiji more than Keiji himself!

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?)

Well, Keiji is gifted with a photographic memory, so he can't exactly say that for minakaashi, he has one EXACT favorite moment in their relationship. He savors especially the small moments, like waking up next to one another, eating breakfast... But of course, if he has to say a favorite moment at the top of his mind: then DEFINITELY the day they get married, the exact moment when he saw Minako say, "I do" or her walking out in the more traditional Japanese wedding dress, and I wouldn't be surprised if he gets teary-eyed at the sight for a moment awww. I've a feeling he'd write those moments down in journals, so that if he feels down, or he just feels like picking up something random, he'd read the journal to look back on everything that happened between them that will get him more excited for the future they will face together for the rest of their lives.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?)

Keiji is the type to usually let his partner or friends do whatever they want. He's always been independent, and it's something that won't change for the rest of his life. He doesn't underestimate how capable his partner would be. It's only when something is happening right in front of him that he'd go through lengths to protect someone. Like when Minako and Keiji get attacked by one of her enemies, he doesn't hesitate to put his life on the line for her since he didn't know of her life as a senshi at the time. He gets scared like anyone else, since any kind of danger hardly happens in his life, but he'd move to action if the situation is dire and compels him to do so.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Actually!!! Not much LOL. I mean in terms of fancy stuff. He's a simple guy and easy to please. I think his approach to dates or celebrating anniversaries or birthdays is minimalist or leaning towards simplicity. But that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate lavish gifts from friends or loved ones, since like... He was raised in a well off household, haha. But to him, gifts can be beyond material things, because even memories can be more than enough for him. He doesn't need much, and he's thankful for everything that life would give him, be it from friends or his partner. But he's a very dutiful and responsible guy in the household despite always being tired from work. It's only during deadlines that he can't function well and needs to be taken care of instead.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I wouldn't say it as a "bad habit" since it isn't anything unhygienic like biting nails and such. But it's very canon that he fiddles with his fingers when he tends to think a lot since it helps him think more clearly in a way. And in the timeskip, he's twirl the ends of his hair as part of his overthinking routine, he'd also rub the back of his neck a lot to calm his nerves. But the last two habits are usually done when he's alone editing and left alone with his own thoughts. That's why he kinda needs distractions most of the time so he won't end up blaming himself and his "incompetence" that things aren't going the way he intended. Sometimes, he just needs to take a moment for himself and come back to his work with a refreshed and clear mind.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not much either. He's so unconcerned with his looks that his fashion choices are questionable almost all the time. What matters to him is that he looks clean and proper. But most of the time, he's a fashion disaster who is oblivious with how his clothes affect his demeanor. But as he's consulted with research and friends, he's managed to have... decent level of fashion sense. But still, style isn't everything for him, not the be all and end all. There are much more important matters for him, but little did he know that the exterior leaves the first impression instead of his personality, so... Please help him LOL.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their partner?)

For Minako, abso-heccing-lutely. Like when Minako moved overseas, Keiji always felt that something was missing. Which was continued in their break-up which was much more intense and depressing. One of the lowest times of his life hands down. He literally has a part of Minako's soul/life essence, so it's no wonder that they will always complete each other no matter what. In Keiji's life, I think it won't be exaggerated to say that aside from the basics, all he needs is Minako :)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

At work, he tends to space out too many times. And his expression of concentration would oftentimes be the cause of concern from his co-workers. He usually has it together, but it's another result of his overthinking tendencies. He needs a vacation at least once a year, I s2g.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Betraying his trust, making up excuses a lot, being chronically late in meetings, not giving him space, being aggressive for no reason, starts up a fight with him for no reason too, basically initiating things are considered unnecessary for no reason!

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He just sleeps on his back and hardly moves. He looks deadly still lmfaoo. But sleeping with someone like Minako, he doesn't mind her starfish position just being over him. In the morning, if he wakes up before her, he'd just fix her position by hugging her in her sleep uwu.

[liamrysandme]

Hurt- Part two

All characters belong to Pixelberry

Book: Open Heart

Paring: Ethan x F!MC

Word count: 3741 

Warnings: Head injury, surgery. 

A/N: I’m doing my second year of residency and I really wanted to write a medically accurate fic!

Part One 

Ethan was sitting in his office, specs on and looking over some blood work results. Truthfully, he was concerned about his girlfriend. Earlier when the rest of the team had met, she complained of a headache and just seemed a little off. It wasn’t like her but as a junior fellow on the diagnostics team she was being given more responsibilities, more challenging, stressful cases that she wouldn’t been able to take when she was an intern. Maybe it was just stress. It didn’t stop the older doctor being concerned though, it’s strange behaviour for her. 

Ethan had just finished looking through the results for the team's newest patient. Everything was normal, except the patient had a vitamin D deficiency and a vitamin E deficiency too which could be why he’s experiencing vision disturbances, fatigue and muscle weakness but unfortunately didn’t explain the rest of his symptoms. 

He was just finishing looking through when his pager went off. Ethan picked it up off his desk, read the message and was immediately up out of his seat and moving toward the door. 

** 

Ethan rushed into the ER just in time to see Sienna and Bryce wheeling her in. He’d rushed through the hospital like a complete mad man- the staff he passed must’ve thought he was a lunatic. 

Ethan made his way up to the gurney just as they were wheeling her into a cubicle. “W-what happened?” Ethan stuttered asking no one in particular. 

“Er…” Bryce started, swallowing thickly as he looked down to one of his closest friends laying unconscious on a gurney. 

“Dr Lahela. Bryce,” Ethan said sternly and urgently, encouraging the younger doctor to continue. 

“Erm...a New-onset seizure, she complained of a headache earlier and also vomited," Bryce summarised, clinically. He needed to attempt to distance himself emotionally from this if he was going to help her. “We gave her five of diazepam to stop the seizure. She’s post ictal. She woke up for a minute or so and now isn’t responsive.” 

Ethan moved to reach for a pair of gloves from a box hung on the wall, “Right, someone get me IV access and page Neuro. Now.”

There was a flurry of activity. “Okay, I’ve got an 18 going in the left AC!” A nurse called as Ethan slipped on the pair of gloves and stepped closer to the bed. 

“Ethan, you can’t-” Bryce started. Ethan turned to him and gave him a pointed glare. 

“Either you two can help me or you can stand there and I’ll save her life single-handedly.” Ethan didn’t wait for a response as he turned his attention back to her. “Casey? Casey, can you hear me?” Ethan called, rubbing her sternum. 

This time Ethan managed to get her to open her eyes. She made an attempt to shuffle away from Ethan’s touch but couldn’t. He listened closely, noting her breathing was irregular. He moved closer to her to get a better listen. “Okay, she’s not moving enough air,” Ethan explained. He was just about to request that somebody bag her when Casey started gagging. “She’s vomiting. Let’s roll her.” 

Bryce moved to support her head as Ethan and a team of nurses helped to support the rest of her as they rolled her on her side. 

"I need suction,” Bryce requested, a nurse handed it to him and he took over draining the vile stuff from her mouth. 

“Anyone have any ideas?” Ethan asked the team. There were a thousand explanations. A thousand different diagnoses. 

“Meningitis?” Sienna suggested from the sidelines. 

“What’s her temperature?” Ethan asked. A nurse quickly checked her temperature. 

“It’s normal,” She said. 

“No fever. It’s not meningitis,” he insisted,” Her blood pressure is high,” Ethan noted. 

“A stroke?” Bryce suggested. He knew that was unlikely given her age but the symptoms added up. 

Ethan didn’t say anything as he moved around the bed. He gently pushed the hair away from the back of her head so the goose egg shaped hematoma was visible. “No, there’s a hematoma here. This is trauma.” 

Casey’s eyes momentarily opened, she moved her arm trying to move Ethan’s hand away but failed to do so before her eyes fluttered back shut. 

“She hit her head?” Bryce questioned. It didn’t make sense to Ethan either, when did this happen? How did this happen? 

“Okay, er...Roll her back down carefully, then get her in a collar and then she needs an urgent CT.” 

After they were sure Casey had finished vomiting, they turned her back over, got a neck brace on her and Bryce took over ventilating, except she wasn’t moving much air and he’d tried re-positioning her jaw to no success. “She’s not protecting her airway. I can’t-” Bryce announced, trying once again to position her jaw properly. 

Ethan knew what that meant. She’s not able to protect her airway which meant they needed to intubate. This definitely wasn’t something anyone thought they’d need to deal with today and they all still had no idea how this happened. 

“Ethan!” Bryce called, when the older doctor seemed to zone out for a second. How did this happen? 

“We need to intubate her,” Ethan announced. Ethan moved to the head of the bed, moving Bryce out of the way as a nurse handed him the laryngoscope. He used a technique called a jaw thrust to try and open her airway, since he couldn’t move her head since the she had a potential spinal injury. After that was done he placed the laryngoscope. He took him a second to  it in the right position. “Okay...pass me a 7.0 tube.” A nurse handed him the right sized tube. Once again, It took Ethan a couple of seconds to place the tube. Once it was in place he slipped the laryngoscope out of her mouth. 

Ethan then moved from the head of the bed as a nurse connected the tube to the BVM.  “Steth-” Ethan ordered, Sienna took her stethoscope off and handed it to Ethan. Ethan listened to her breathing through the scope for a couple seconds, “Okay, I've got bilateral breath sounds. Okay, someone inflate the cuff and then lets get her to CT. Someone call them and say we’re coming.”

** 

Ethan, Dr. Gary Taylor- the neurosurgeon on call, and the technician we’re standing in the CT technicians room looking at the images as they spread across the computer screen. 

“C-spine is all clear,” Dr Taylor nodded, “There’s no sign of a spinal injury.”  Although Ethan already suspected that so it was no surprise. 

“She’s bleeding on the brain,” Ethan mumbled. Neuro wasn't in any way his specialty but he didn’t need to be a specialist to see the bleed on the CT. 

“Subdural hematoma,” Dr. Taylor nodded. “She needs surgery.”  The two doctors filed out of the room, as a couple nurses headed into the CT room to get Casey out of the scanner then prep her for surgery. 

Gary was definitely not who Ethan would want to operate on his girlfriend. He’s an arrogant little shit but Harper was sick and he’s the surgeon on call. Dr. Taylor turned to Ethan just outside the room. “You’re not coming anywhere near my OR.” 

It frankly annoyed Ethan that was picking a fight now. Yes, they’d butted heads many, many times in the past but now was not the time to piss off and simultaneously test his restraint, not while Casey’s life is at risk.  

“I’m going with her,” Ethan insisted. He didn’t want to leave her. He wanted...needed to be with her. 

"If you come into my OR, I will have you removed," Dr. Taylor pointed a finger in Ethan's face, "You watch from the gallery. Do I make myself clear?"

Ethan was fighting every instinct he had to punch him, his jaw and fists clenched tightly by his sides. Had Dr. Taylor not been one of the best neurosurgeons next to Harper, he just may have followed through with it.

“Fine.”

** 

Everyone made quick work of getting Casey prepped. Ethan walked alongside the bed as they made their way towards the OR. 

Ethan’s head started pounding in his chest as they approached the sterile line line. Someone was about to open up her skull and he couldn't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. The damage that can be caused, that already could’ve been caused. 

Ethan leaned down and place a kiss on her forehead, "Don't you give up on me now Rookie, okay? I need you." He whispered as he took her hand. “I love you so much,” His voice wavered. Whether or not she could hear him didn't  matter; he just wanted to tell her. 

Ethan let go of her hand and the other slip of the raising as the scrub nurses rolled her through the OR doors, her anaesthesiologist following closely behind. Ethan felt helpless when the door swung shut- that was a new feeling for him. He was frozen in place. That could’ve been the last time he gets to tell her that he loves her. That he needs her.

**

Naveen had arrived and guided Ethan to the gallery. This was a sick, cruel form of torture for him. He didn’t like not having any control over what happened in there. He didn’t want to watch and do nothing. He couldn’t help but be annoyed with the surgical team as they scrubbed in- the bleed could potentially be getting bigger and bigger, causing more and more damage. 

Bryce, Sienna, Elijah and Jackie were also now present. Jackie had explained to them how Casey could’ve hit her head. If Casey wasn’t so stubborn and had just told Jackie the truth. This could’ve been avoided. 

Ethan just stood, fixed on the scene below him. He involuntarily flinched when Gary turned on the bone saw. He’d seen this a dozen times but...his girlfriend was never the one on the table. 

He wasn’t squeamish. Ethan couldn't afford to be in this job but seeing someone drilling into Casey’s skull had him feeling that way. 

He couldn't take this. He thought he could deal with it but he couldn’t stand to hear the horrific, nightmare inducing, sound of a bone saw drilling into her skull. 

"I’m...I'm gonna pass out," Ethan stuttered, stumbling back. Naveen was immediately on his feet at his statement. Ethan staggered backwards again right into Naveen.

“Ethan, sit down,” Naveen ordered. He guided him to a seat. He’d kept it together but he just couldn’t anymore. This was the final straw. That sound...

He ran a hand through his hair, fighting to urge to put both of them over his ears. Soon the sound stopped, he’d thought that would be a relief but it now meant Casey brain was on display. 

Tears started to pool in his eyes as he unsteadily got to his feet and gazed down into the OR. He quickly turned his gaze to Naveen then back to Casey. “She-” He started, his eyes refilling and glistening with unshed tears. Before too long they slipped down his cheeks. “She...she h-has to be okay... s-she n-needs t-to b-be.”

**

It was two days later since Casey’s freak little accident and Ethan hadn’t left her side. Ethan was sitting by her bedside when Bryce came in to stand at the end of her bed. 

“How is she?” 

Ethan nodded, “ Surgery was considered a success, there were no complications, her post- op EEG was all normal. SBT's have all been great. They’ve even started lightening sedation as well. She’s practically the ideal candidate for a full recovery.” 

"That's great," Bryce exhaled, nodding gratefully. 

“Yeah,” Ethan sighed. Both men tried not to think about that fact that Casey may now wake up as the same woman they once knew or wake up at all. There was no reason to believe that anything will go wrong, yet that's the only thing he can think about. 

** 

It was much later that day when Sienna and Elijah stopped by after their shift had ended. Ethan had moved from his post and was now standing by the window, looking over the view of the dark hospital parking lot. 

"How's our favourite patient?" Elijah asked as he and Sienna came in. Ethan turned to face them nodding. 

“Really good,” Ethan replied with a small sigh, 

“Bryce said that they’re lowering her sedation?” Sienna asked, Ethan nodded. 

“Yeah, they started this morning. Dr. Taylor hopes to see her start to wake up soon but it’s a waiting game for the time being.” 

Suddenly an alarm on the monitor started to ring and Casey’s head jerked back. All three doctors we’re immediately next to her. 

"Is she seizing?" Sienna asked, unsure of what she was seeing.

Ethan looks to the monitor then back to Casey. “No, no, this isn’t a seizure. She’s bucking the vent,” He explained, the younger doctors relaxed somewhat, pleased that this wasn’t an emergency. 

Ethan took hold of her hand resting on her stomach and placed his other on her shoulder, “Casey can you hear me? Case?” Ethan gave her shoulder a light pinch and her eyes fluttered open. 

Ethan could see the panic  in her eyes as her surroundings started to become clear to her. She started grabbing at her face, desperately attempting to remove whatever was choking her. Ethan caught her frantic hands in his, stilling her and stopping her pawing at the tube. 

“Don’t do that, You're alright, Case, look at me," Ethan said calmly, "Look at me."

She looked up to him. It took her a second to connect the dots- Ethan . She searched his face frantically, trying to figure out what was going on. She’s scared and she can't figure out why her boyfriend isn’t doing anything to help her. Ethan read her expression. 

“Casey, you had surgery,” Ethan told her plainly, “You’ve got a tube in your throat, that’s helping you to breathe.” She shook her head; tears welling in her eyes. “Casey, you need to leave it in.” 

She withdrew away from him."Case-" Ethan warned.

She immediately reached for the tube tamer and tore the velcro off as Sienna and Ethan jumped forward to grab hold of her arms. If Casey wasn’t panicking she would know that she couldn’t just rip it out but she rightfully so freaking out.

"Wait, wait, wait, stop!" Ethan called. He turns to the side and reached for a syringe and she relaxes. "Hold on, I got you," He murmured quietly as he deflated the balloon. "Big cough on three, okay?" He instructed as he gripped the tube, "One, two, three."

Casey erupted in a coughing fit as Ethan gently slid the tube out. Sienna gently held an oxygen mask up to her face, which she gratefully gasped into. Once she slowed down, she finally rested her head back against the pillow. Ethan rested a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"There you go, easy, just breathe," Ethan soothed.

"E-" she sputtered quietly.

"Shhh, don't talk, just breathe," Ethan said, watching her vitals on the screen. “Okay, You’re stable.” Ethan turned to face Elijah and Sienna on the other side of the bed. “Could one of you go and update Dr. Taylor.” 

Instead of one of them going, the pair did. As much as they wanted to see their friend, they knew Ethan needed some time with her. 

"Do you know where you are?" Ethan asked as he sat on the bed beside her.

"Eden-" She replied, the rest of the word silent from her hoarseness.

“That’s right,” Ethan nodded. Casey nodded to the glass of water on the bedside table. Ethan picked it up and held the straw to her lips as Casey took a few large gulps. “Slowly, small sips.” Once Casey was done Ethan placed the cup back down.

“Ethan,” Casey breathed, her voice scratchy and quiet. She reached out to him, She just wanted some comfort, she still didn’t know what was happening. 

"That was the answer to my next question," He smirked. He got to his feet to lean over to place a kiss on her forehead, just below the dressing over the incision wound. “How are you feeling? Any pain?" He asked sweetly.

"No," she shook her head, wiping at her tired eyes, "What happened?"

"You hit your head really hard and you needed surgery to fix—" Ethan started.

"No, not like I'm a patient," She interrupted, holding up a hand, “Talk to me like I'm a doctor. Don’t gloss over anything, I want to know what happened. Everything.” 

A hint of a smile ghosted over her boyfriend's lips. Ethan was just relieved to have her back if he was being honest. Who knew that a freak accident could make you realise how much you need someone?  He always knew that Casey was able to keep him on his toes but this definitely took it up a notch. 

“Well, you managed to somehow hit that pretty head of yours which caused a subdural hematoma,” Ethan started with a sigh. He wished that he didn’t need to relay this to her but it's what she wanted after all. “You  had a seizure, During the time you were in ER we had to intubate you because you weren’t able to maintain your own airway, then when we were examining you we found a hematoma on the back of your head. Shortly after you were rushed to CT. The CT showed a bleed on your brain and then you had surgery.” 

“Why did I have a seizure? Did I hit myself during it?” 

“No, Bryce and Sienna made sure you didn’t hurt yourself during your seizure,” Ethan reassured, shaking his head, “You were acting off before the seizure started according to Bryce and Sienna. I assume that was an Aura but then you had been complaining of a headache while we were together shortly before this happened. Taking into account all of your symptoms, I assume you must’ve hit your head at some point during the day,” Ethan explained, Casey  nodded along. “Do you remember how that happened.” 

“No,” Casey replied

“Jackie seems to think you hit it on a bed.” 

She nodded, her eyebrows creasing. Come to think of it, she didn’t remember anything from that day. It was all a blur. "Who operated?" 

“Dr. Taylor,” Ethan said reluctantly. The man was arrogant, pompous and very few people in the hospital actually liked the man. Although he had many, many unappealing qualities, Ethan couldn’t deny that he was at least skilled, he saved his girlfriend's life after all. 

Casey huffed and rolled her eyes. "You really think I'd let him come anywhere near you with a ten blade If there was any other choice?" 

“No,” Casey muttered, a hint of smile on her face. Her hand came to rest on her throat. She now understood why people hate being intubated. Ethan picked up a glass of water from the side and held the straw to her lips. Casey took a few sips of the ice cold water. “Thanks. So...How long have I been sedated?" She glanced around, trying to figure out the time of day. It’s light dark- that’s all she was able to gather. 

"Two days," He replied as he rested a hand on her cheek as the other gently ran through her hair.  “How are you feeling? Truthfully.” 

Casey looked up to him, quickly meeting his eyes. It wasn’t often that Ethan was this affectionate to her. “My throat is a bit tender," she mumbled, Casey moved so her cheek was pressing more firmly against his hand, melting into his touch. “I’m just really tired.” 

Ethan nodded in understanding. “We only lowered the propofol a couple hours ago so that’s probably why. Just try and get some rest.”

It was safe to say that Casey was terrified. She understood everything Ethan had told her although it was still a lot to try and process in a short amount of time too. She was anxious about the possible complications she could have in recovery. 

Casey turned back to him when she felt his hand come to rest on her arm, “I’m here, Casey. Everything is going to be fine.” 

She was certain her heart just swelled. It really wasn’t often that Ethan was so affectionate and gentle but she was scared and he knew that- he’s scared too although he’d never openly admit that to anyone. 

Ethan collapsed the rail of the bed and slid in next to her, carefully pulling her close so her head was resting on his chest.  "I'm right here Case," Ethan said gently, "You're safe."

Both of them understood all too well the gravity of her injury. A brain bleed wasn’t something that people just recover from overnight. The couple just laid in each other's arms for sometime, grateful that Casey would recover and that she hadn’t suffered a different fate like many people with head injuries sadly too often do. 

"Ethan," She whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too, Casey."

 ______

Here’s a medical lowdown! I used a lot of terms in this fic and I don’t wanna confuse anyone

I’ve got an 18 going in the left AC-  The nurse is referring to the needle size. An 18 gauge needle is one of the largest needles. It’s good for giving fluids/ meds/ blood quickly. AC is the vein in the bend of your elbow. 

“No fever”- Since Casey has no fever it pretty much rules out Meningitis. 

A stroke?- Casey is young which means the chance of her having a stroke isn’t that likely, however, it’s possible. Because they’ve ruled out meningitis they could combine the symptoms and come to the conclusion that it’s a brain bleed. A hemorrhagic stroke could absolutely be why someone is having symptoms of a bleed. 

Casey opens her eyes, whimpering, and tries but fails to push his hand away - So we measure somebody’s level of consciousness by how many points they get out of 15 using the Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS). It’s calculated by how someone responds and other factors that play into this. The way Casey reacts shows that she’s aware that she’s in pain and where the pain is localized (ie: The back of her head). 

(I would put Casey’s GCS at around 9 her which really isn’t good!.) 

“There’s a hematoma ”- So now they know it’s trauma and not an illness. 

Ethan tells them to roll her carefully. This is because if someone has a head injury we always suspect they have a spinal injury too. This is because if you’re able to hit your head so hard to cause a potential bleed on the brain, you could’ve also hurt your C-spine. This is also why Ethan requests a C-collar (neckbrace). It’s just a precaution until a spinal injury can be 100% ruled out. 

Bilateral breath sounds-  After somebody has been intubated You have to check that the tube is in the right place (aka not in one of your lungs). Bilateral just means that there are even breath sounds on both sides. 

BVM- Bag Valve Mask. 

Sterile line- In most, If not all hospitals, there is a line painted on the floor before you enter an OR. You have to be really, really sterile to go in. 

“I’m gonna pass out” - Now, this isn’t uncommon when you’ve seen something happen to anyone, normally a loved one, but there’s a technical reason why this happens. 

When someone experiences something triggering (like someone drilling into your girlfriend’s skull) The vagus nerve will send signals to slow your heart rate and blood pressure but sometimes your body will do this too well. Basically Ethan’s body is trying to chill him out too much. His brain just isn’t getting quite enough blood which makes him feel faint. 

SBT - SBT means short breathing tests. Doctors use this when we’re trying to take someone off a ventilator or just to see if they can breathe on their own. The ventilator is turned off to see if the person can breathe adequately without being aided or not. 

 (People on ventilators aren't something I see all that much so my knowledge is fairly limited in all of this.) 

Post- op EEG-  

Post-op= Post operation. 

EEG= Electroencephalogram. This tests the electrical activity in your brain. They are most commonly used in people with epilepsy or to just detect seizures in general. 

Electrodes are stuck to your scalp (like a heart monitor) but for your brain instead. 

When someone is unconscious, Like Casey, It’s used to make sure that you’re not braindead or having subclinical seizures. This means that the person is having seizure activity but they’re not outwardly showing that they’re having a seizure. 

_

Ethan mentions that Casey is an ideal candidate for a full recovery. This is simply because Casey is young. The older the person is who suffers an injury like this, the mortality rate gets higher. It just means that she’s likely to recover. This isn’t always decided by age though. Lots of factors are taken into account. 

Bucking the vent- This can happen because the settings on the ventilator may not be correct or in this case it’s because Casey is awake. It basically just means that she’s fighting against it. 

Ethan gave her shoulder a light pinch- Again this is painful stimuli. This is called a trap squeeze because you’re squeezing the Trapezius muscle. This is painful and won’t leave a mark like a sternal rub can do. 

Tube tamer is just the thing that secures the tube in place. 

Ethan reaches for a syringe and she relaxes- Basically there’s a balloon-type thing at the bottom of an intubation tube that creates a seal. You need to deflate this before you remove the tube. (Ethan referred to it as ‘the cuff’) 

Aura- Not a spiritual one. This is simply what the feeling you get before a seizure is called. based on what Bryce had told him about her behaviour before her seizure, Ethan concludes this is what was happening.

[sololearner]

Best pharma companies in Pakistan

. Best pharma companies in Pakistan,   At the point when Pakistan appeared there was not really any pharma organization in the country. Today, the drug organizations in Pakistan meet around 70% of the nation's interest for completed medication, says PPMA (Pakistan's Drug Producers Affiliation). Be that as it may, the fact is out of these numerous organizations, who are the first class? Where should individuals search for all their pharma needs? In this blog, we present to you the best 15 drug organizations in Pakistan as per their prevalence, experience, and administrations in the medical services industry. GSK GlaxoSmithKline Pakistan is the biggest drug organization which was set up in January 2001. It works in two industry sections; Drugs (professionally prescribed medications and antibodies) and customer medical care (over-the-counter-meds, oral consideration, and dietary consideration). It has an overall presence however in Pakistan the organization bargains in Enemy of infective, Respiratory, Immunizations, Dermatological, Gastrointestinal, Analgesics, Oncology, Urology, Focal Sensory system, Hypersensitivity, Cardiovascular, and Nutrients treatment zones. The organization expects to improve the prosperity with their quality items. Their mainstream brands incorporate Augmentin, Amoxil, Velosef, Zantac, and Calpol. GSK is proceeding with its inheritance by making quality medical care available to individuals. Getz Pharma Getz Pharma is a featured name in the rundown of top drug organizations in Pakistan. They are the lone organization in the country whose assembling office is supported by the World Wellbeing Association (WHO). The equivalent is for their quality control research facility. It's an individual from the Getz gathering of organizations what began as a nearby store by three Getz siblings. At first, Getz Pharma was set up in 1955 with a group of 45 individuals. Presently, it's a-list nonexclusive drug organization trusted by a great many individuals. They are likewise the quickest developing pharma firms in Pakistan and have accomplished the third situation among 700 drug organizations in Pakistan. The organization's restorative fragments incorporate Pain relieving, Hostile to Asthmatic, Against convulsant, Against Diabetic, Hostile to Fibrinolytic, Hostile to Hypertensive, Hostile to Lipidemic, Against Malarial, and that's only the tip of the iceberg. SAMI It's the third-biggest drug organization in Pakistan which has more than 80 merchants. Sami Drugs (Pvt) Ltd is one of only a handful few organizations that assumed a critical part in delivering Pakistan from the strength of global organizations. They cover items in the classification of ANALGESICS, Against INFECTIVES, Enhancements, and GASTROINTESTINAL DRUGSTheir greatness, quality, and advancement driven methodology for a very long time has carried them to the cutting edge of drug development in Pakistan. They are settled in Karachi yet are broad even in the distant zones with their best medical services offices. Abbott Abbott Pakistan began in 1948 with the vision to make individuals' lives solid with a different scope of science-based wholesome items, symptomatic apparatuses, drugs, and diabetes gadgets. It's a clinical distributer just as a producer. It was established under the authority of Dr Wallace C. Abbott. With a group of in excess of 1400 individuals everywhere on the country, Abbott endeavors to be a forerunner in the medical care industry. Their obligation to quality has made them outstanding players everywhere on the world. Their believed brands incorporate PediaSure, Pedialyte, Glucerna, Brufen, Guarantee, Similac, and Free-form. Aside from Pakistan, they are additionally having an enduring effect on wellbeing in excess of 160 nations. Hilton Pharma Hilton is another enormous name on the rundown of drug organizations in Pakistan. It was set up in 1976 as a drug producer. Presently, it's known as a market chief in advancing exploration based, quality items in the country. It works in four classes; doctor prescribed medications, biotech, veterinary, and buyer wellbeing. Hilton Pharma intends to be at the front line of advancement and exploration. They are additionally committed to improving the principles of medical care arrangements with its cutting edge items and offices. It's hailed for assembling the main Chinese Pharma item 'Diazine Tablets' in Pakistan. In the classification of human fury, it serves in Enemies of Diabetics, Against Fibrinolytic, Hostile to Gout, Hostile to Asthmatic, Enemies of Lipids, Focal Sensory system, Against Hypertensive, Fruitfulness, GI, Multi-Nutrient and Agony The executives. Searle Searle was fused in Pakistan as a private restricted organization in October 1965. In November 1993, IBL procured Searle heavily influenced by the IBL bunch. The significant activities of Searle lie in drug and other shopper items. It's a main pharma organization known for its best in class assembling of biotechnology items. With a group of in excess of 2000 representatives, Searle creates $135.15 million in deals (USD). It additionally has coordinated effort with top of the line, perceived, worldwide associations like Grunenthal and CHR Hansen. Their mainstream items incorporate Adronil, Byscard, Canderel, Extor, Ezium, Hydryllin, Levoxin, Lomotil, Nuberol Strength, Rhulef, Peditral, and that's just the beginning. Martin Dow Martin Dow is a perceived name in the best 20 drug organizations in Pakistan. It was established in 1955 and approached as an arising drug business. In June 2010, Martin Dow obtained the assembling office and brands of Roche Pakistan which is considered as probably the biggest arrangement in Pakistan drug industry. They are known for their unequaled guidelines in delivering the greatest items. It was evaluated as the fifth-quickest developing organization in Pakistan in 2011. They are likewise one of only a handful few organizations that emphasis on Biotechnology in Pakistan. Martin-Dow created and popularized distinctive helpful portions, Hostile to Infectives, Cardiology, Dermatology, Neuropsychiatry, and Torment The board. Sanofi Established in 1967, Sanofi is another huge name in the drug organizations of Pakistan. It has the best assembling office in Karachi. The organization works in four self-sufficient specialty units; Cephalosporin unit (Claforan® Plant), Haemaccel® Plant, Solids Assembling Unit, and Oral Fluid Assembling Plant. Sanofi in Pakistan has been focused on improving diabetes the executives and patient personal satisfaction. They likewise work with liberated from cost diagnostics administrations for associated cases with LSD (Lysosomal Stockpiling Issues). Best pharma companies in pakistan,    They are the seventh biggest drug organization that are working day and night to bring viable, reasonable, and quality items to Pakistan. HIGH-Q HIGH-Q Worldwide was established in 1994. In 2007, it dispatched its assembling plant HIGH-Q Drugs. They intend to be a model pharma organization with its best in class items and reasonable promoting highlights. They cover the best items in two classes; nutraceuticals, and drugs. In pharma, they have prescriptions in enemy of hypersensitivity, anti-infection agents, enemies of diabetics, antifungal, against dizziness, and the sky is the limit from there They likewise work to make drugs open for everybody, particularly in oppressed zones. It flaunts the best offices in Pakistan which line up with the Worldwide principles also. Pfizer Pakistan Pfizer was established in 1959 and from that point forward it has been working for the wellbeing and prosperity of individuals. The organization is notable and perceived for giving protected, creative, and moderate prescriptions to a large number of Pakistanis. It's additionally a main medication creator in the country. They serve drugs in the class of Agony, anti-microbial, psychiatry, cardiology, urology, ladies wellbeing, jungle fever, hack, vaccinal, rheumatology, steroidal, and Malignancy. They are likewise in association with Pakistan Trap ul-Mal ( Govt of Pakistan ) for the arrangement of costly malignant growth medications, totally liberated from cost, to the destitute patients. Pfizer Pakistan is available to working together more with the public authority to improve the soundness of individuals. Ferozsons Research centers Ltd The wellbeing challenges in Pakistan have allowed them to advance the establishment of the Ferozsons business bunch in 1894. In 1956, Ferozsons Research centers Ltd was set up as the main drug producing organization in Pakistan. In 1960, it was recorded on the Karachi Stock Trade (KSE) Restricted. They are regarded to be a different time beneficiary of the KSE top 25 organizations grant. Their item portfolio conveys driving brands in excellent generics just as imported medications that take into account the most required medicines in the neighborhood market.

Best pharma companies in Pakistan

[pritchard582-blog]

Utilizing UV light to execute Covid: The ideal conditions and dangers

UV light sanitizers are ricocheting up as the response to murdering Covid down on the ground, yet buyer contraptions may have a more away from of dangers than they're worth kill germs .

With man-made hand sanitizer hard to track down, different individuals are going to what explicitly decisively unequivocally's been blessed "nature's hand sanitizer," or astonishing light. UV light is the most recent perceived instrument in the dependable conversation to discover approaches to manage supervise oversee control direct shield oneself from getting SARS-CoV-2, the dirtying that causes COVID-19.

Cleansing by structure for UV light is old news: The International Ultraviolet Association says it's been an essential progress for more than 40 years, adding to clean water and clean air. Unequivocal buyer contraptions correspondingly use UV light to station things, for example, self-cleaning UV light water holders and UV-flooding cases that ideal your tangled telephone.

Concerning the Covid, in any case, things aren't so obviously undeniable. There are chances that go with utilizing UV light contraptions, particularly while utilizing them on your skin. Before proposing the central UV light sanitizer you see, detached the current verification about UV light disinfectants and the ordinary dangers of utilizing them on yourself.

How do UV light hand sanitizers work?

An energetic introduction on UV light: UV light needs the most part from the sun, yet there are other than man-made wellsprings of UV light, including tanning beds and the beginning at now muttered about UV cleaning lights.

There are three classes of UV light: UV-An, UV-B and UV-C.

UV-An and UV-B light clarification eats up from the sun and obliterated skin making, and prologue to both is connected with the improvement of skin upsetting new development. UV-C light, which has the most beast of the all out of the three sorts, is the most staggering, yet it luckily doesn't appear at the Earth's surface on the grounds that our air ingests it.

There's man-made UV-C light, other than: It's what's in the UV light sanitizers that affiliations guarantee execute the Covid. As appeared by the National Academy of Sciences, it's possible this is ensured, since UV light has been utilized to clean surfaces and water for quite a while, and it's conventionally dazzling.

It works since UV-C light is classy set up to pound the got material - either DNA or RNA - of corruptions and second living things. There's no authentication genuinely since standard sun presentation can kill the Covid, so no, going outside on a marvelous day won't decay your danger of getting it.

Would uv have the choice to light murder the Covid?

Considering the open sharp interest that UV light can wreck different defilements, it's possible clear that UV light can butcher SARS-CoV-2.

The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine revealed that incredible light no deficiency can butcher the Covid. "UV light has been had all the stores of being to wreck clear Covids, so it will presumably deal with the novel Covid," the site explores. This joins the dangerous Middle Eastern respiratory issue Covid, in addition called MERS-CoV and bona fide stunning respiratory condition related Covid, or SARS.

In any case, there's one titanic appeal: "UV light harms human skin, so it ought to just be utilized on articles or surfaces," the NASEM proceeds.

This proposes you ought not utilize UV light as a hand sanitizer. Stick to washing your hands with creation and water (holding cunning to fitting hand-washing rules), or utilizing a liquor based hand sanitizer when cleaning boss and water aren't open.

The WHO echoes this, giving a record of its Covid legend busters page that individuals ought not utilize UV lights to clean their hands or different zones of skin, as UV radiation "can cause skin upsetting and sharp your eyes."

Regardless of how authorities are getting a shot at strategies to connect with make these bewildering refining things OK for individuals to utilize, stream contraptions are plotting to use on your body. This is somewhat considering the way that many (if in no way, shape or form at all, by a wide edge a beast some section) of these things are not FDA-kept up or asserted by any filtering through thriving association, other than.

This proposes what you see may not be what you get - a fundamental thought, on the grounds that in spite of low-party, far-run UV-C light may not hurt people or creatures, utilizing too huge a bit near your skin can unmistakably be hazardous.

These contraptions "will everything considered come in various shapes, assesses and credits, and besides their antimicrobial cutoff might be variable," says Dr. Tyler Hollmig, head of dermatological clinical procedure at University of Texas Dell Medical School in Austin. Given up possible results of utilizing UV-C light on your body can join over the top fumes from the sun like eats up and retinal aptitude.

What's more, Dr. Hollmig proceeds, as UV light contraptions "are commonly not unassuming - particularly relative with more standard disinfectants that we know work - these may not be the most strong approach to manage regulate oversee direct control clean. It is in like way worth in any event basically vivifying the way that no UV light contraption should fill in for hand washing, spread wearing and pulling back."

[thesunlounge]

Reviews 344: Oto No Wa

I’m overjoyed to write again about Music for Dreams’ “Serious Collector Series,” not only because this run of compilations has produced some of the best vinyl sets of the past few years in the form of Jan Schulte’s Tropical Drums of Deutschland, Moonboots’ Moments in Time, and Basso’s Proper Sunburn, but also because the newest such collection, Oto No Wa: Selected Sounds of Japan 1988 - 2018, features a trio of curators who have all influenced this blog in significant ways. Listed first on the breathtaking cover is Ken Hidaka, who in addition to having a storied career as a DJ, journalist, and international record label liaison, has had a significant hand in coordinating many of my favorite reissues from the past few years…things such as Gigi’s Illuminated Audio on Time Capsule and Yutaka Hirose’s Nova + 4 on WRWTFWW, not to mention facilitating serenitatem…that spellbinding collaboration between Yoshio Ojima, Satsuki Shibano, and Visible Cloaks released last year on RNVG Intl. Then there’s Max Essa, one of the premiere practitioners of the balearic beat, whether it’s remixing tracks into euphoric seaside cruisers or producing expansive original works such as “Panorama Suite” for Is It Balearic?, the Lanterns LP for Music for Dreams, or his recently concluded trio of EPs for Hell Yeah Recordings: Themes From The Hood, The Cad & The Lovely, Haz Zan Roc, and The Great Adventure. And finally comes Dr. Rob, a far-ranging musical adventurer and gifted wordsmith whose reviews, interviews, mixes, and stories spread across Test Pressing and Ban Ban Ton Ton showed me entirely new ways to write about music, with his expressive poetics, deep references, and inimitable sense of cleverness rising far beyond standard music criticism and going a long way towards inspiring the creation of this very website.

As far as the music comprising Oto No Wa is concerned, Dr. Rob gives some background at Ban Ban Ton Ton, where he speaks of the trio meeting after one of their Lone Star nights at Bar Bonobo and compiling an initial list of some 200 hundred fantasy selections, which was miraculously whittled down to just 20 tracks. But then, the typically unflinching Japanese record label ecosystem slashed that list to all but nothing, leading Ken, Max, and Dr. Rob to reconsider the entire experience. I like to think that this was ultimately for the better, for in reworking the concept and flow of Oto No Wa, our trio of selectors struck upon the brilliant idea to, in the words of Dr. Rob, ”plot a course from pioneers, through to younger generations who`ve picked up the baton,” resulting in a spectacular set of balearic eclecticism focused on the 90s and 00s, which are periods often missed in the world of Japanese archival reissuing. Indeed, in contrast to the environmental ambiance, city pop, fusion, and jazz so often considered, the sounds here lean much closer to the romantic seaside vibrations of Flower Records’ Silent Dream CD mixes and the Ibizan chill out comps of React, as house beats are repurposed for summer fusion sways, sun-dappled ivories seek out a panoramic horizon, strummed acoustics jangle in an island breeze, electric guitars slide across cinematic deserts, dubwise basslines stroll down white sand beaches, chamber strings play themes for impossible sunsets, and steel pans bring touches of Caribbean splendor. Elsewhere, balafons dance through tropical forests, oceanic soundbaths wash the spirit clean, deep sea explorations transmute into Berlin school magic, and ceremonial drum layers surround barely there violin reveries, with the entire experience being bookended by a pair of kankyō ongaku drifters.

Oto No Wa: Selected Sounds of Japan 1988-2018 (Music for Dreams, 2020) Yoshio Ojima’s “Sealed,” the sole track here from the 80s, comes from the second volume of the producer’s now legendary Une Collection Des Chaînons: Music For Spiral collection and sees glowing hazes moving in slow motion…these harmonious swells mimicking the motions of some celestial sea while textures of digital crystal twinkle overhead. The vibe is hopeful and soothing, though there are moments where the swelling drones turn minor key and melancholic and the glass and gemstone atmospheres get caught in hyperspeed delay trails. But we always return to the floating stretches of major key majesty, with the music perfectly suited to scoring the motions of clouds across the sky or leaves drifting down a stream. And like many of Ojima’s tracks, there is a false ending…a fade to silence preceding a rebirth, wherein the melodic textures from before are reconfigured into mysterious forms…as if the cerulean sky scene mentioned earlier has been washed out by moody grey rainclouds. The original mix of Olololop’s “Mon” revels in washy 90s post-rock atmospherics, with increasingly free ambient jazz drumming underlying cascading pianos and plucked harps. And while the “orte Remix” by Kumi Hayashi and Takaaki Suzuki preserves many of these elements, the vibe here is more oriented towards classical chill out. The beats are rigid and slamming as they lock into a mechanized seaside swing, with the original’s jazz drumming fluidity replaced by pounding kicks, panning ride taps, and sketchy shaker patterns. Piano and harp flow into the stereo field, dropping plucked rays of golden harmony and washes of ivory ethereality before settling into a balearic dreamdance, one carried by gentle trance electronics and layers of droning bass positivity. At some point the rhythms pull away and we find ourselves in an extended beatless bliss out, wherein melodies of ocean crystal pulse around melodious harp motions, abstracted kick taps flutter on echo breezes, and pan-pipes sparkle in the distance. And later, the mix reduces to an industrial downbeat drum sway and a ceremonial hum of subdued choral mesmerism as the piano continues merging vibes of new age fusion and beachside romance.

Among my favorite cuts here is Kazuya Kotani’s “Fatima,” coming from the 2007 CD Made in Love. Seed shakers and rainsticks roll through echo machines, oceanic string panoramas shift in phase, and bongos and congas beat out a seaside beat as a cooing voice whispers sweet nothings in a way reminding me of Sth. Notional’s “Yawn Yawn Yawn (Dream… Another Reality Mix)”. Bulbous basslines bring touches of gentle dub exotica and a glorious chill out breakbeat swings with infectious forward momentum even as it lands like air, while pianos shimmer and shine via wavering chord mirages and prismatic delay leads that presage Coyote’s use of the instrument. The way everything locks in is so perfect, with hand drums bopping alongside the seaside breakbeat cruise and angelic strings glowing beneath sparkling ivory dreamspells…the whole thing coming together like some prototypical cut from one of José Padilla’s Cafe del Mar compilations or a Phil Mison curated Real Ibiza collection. At some point the drums pull away, leaving behind soft piano flutters, breathy whispers, and overlapping waves of orchestral resonance. And when the beats return, they are joined by heartwrenching chamber string progressions…a sort of swooning dance of cinematic sunset majesty before the track effortlessly glides back towards beachside chill out perfection. The B-side opens with “N.I.C.E. Guy” by Scha Dara Parra, who Dr. Rob describes in the liner notes as “Japan’s answer to the Beastie Boys.” The “Nice Guitar Dub” of the track presented here takes us into the world of the Major Force dance collective, and sees house kicks, hand drum loops, and clipped snares underlying lysergic repetitions of “feel good / checking things out” before dropping into a summery groove led by walking sunshine jazz bass, Hiroshi Fujiwara’s acoustic guitar strums, and Hirofumi Asamoto’s piano…a sort of ambient honky tonk cascade scoring some lagoon adjacent saloon. Occasionally, heavenly strings blow through the stereo field to envelop the vocal samples and there’s a strange midtro given over to urgent stick clicks and rimshots while towards the end, b-boy drum cut-ups and turntablist flourishes disturb the flow.

Little Tempo is an ever shifting group of dub and reggae explorers led in part by Takeshi “Tico” Toki and his shimmering steel pan. The collective has played the world over and released an impressive number of albums since the mid-90s, one of which is Ron Riddim, a 2xLP from 1999 containing the track “Frostie.” A stoner beat moves beneath a tropical panorama of steel drumming, with hi-hats occasionally opening, shekeres scraping, and snares pushing through granular reverb, and as we drop into the groove, liquid dub basslines pulse and slide while a piano glistens in the moonlight. The ivory performance is powerful and awash in twilight romance and noir mystery, sometimes dancing in solo and other times accented by glimmering steel pan flourishes. Elsewhere, the pianos are replaced by electric guitars, which let loose bluesy slides and space western leads…the mixture of desert twang and equatorial riddim strongly evoking the dubbier sides of Tortoise. There’s a moment where the track gives over to martial snare intensity as amphibian lasers and telephonic tracers fire across the sky, with the latter sound pulling my mind to the work of Eddie C. And eventually, the track settles into a sort of bluesy reggae zone out, with subsonic basslines skanking and dubwise drums smacking while wavering steel drum mirages surround spaghetti western slides in the style of Doug McCombs. Karel Arbus & Eiji Takamatsu will of course be well familiar to readers of this blog, both for their amazing Some Backland Plaze tape on Max Essa’s Jansen Jardin and for that completely stunning rework of Cantoma’s “Kasoto” from last year. “Coco and the Fish,” taken from the aforementioned cassette, sees idiophones splashing through sea spray while enigmatic electronics swirl in the background…like a vortex of kosmische wonderment pulsating in colors of deep purple and blue, one that occasionally opens up to reveal deep house chord stabs. It’s hard to say whether the main instrument played is marimba or balafon, but either way, it’s a hyperkinetic performance exuding an energy at once meditative and ecstatic...all while phaser wisps, starshine sparkles, and hidden voices swirl in the distance.

I first heard globetrotting DJ and Flower Records alum Kentaro Takizawa courtesy of Phil Mison and his Pure Ibiza 2xCD set released by I Label in 2008, which included the “Silent Dream Version” of the song taken from the aforementioned Silent Dream compilation. Originally though, the track closed Takizawa’s album Gradual Life from 2006, and this is the version included here. Ride cymbals shine amidst glorious murmurations of ambient synthesis while percussive eco fx mimic the songs of lizards and toads. Elecrosnares rocket across the spectrum, beauteous acoustic guitar arps fall like summer rain, and further six-string solos move in counterpoint, with subdead leads mesmerizing the mind. As psychoactive threads of static surround decaying triangles, sundowner string orchestrations ascend towards the clouds, causing the heart to soar in that Sacha Putnam or Vangelis kind of way, and when the beat drops, it’s a lackadaisical sway led by rolling bongos and tapped cymbals. Guitars dance playfully over a backdrop of fourth world alien magic and ever so often, filmic string themes diffuse into the spectrum. Elsewhere, the drums wash away, leaving e-pianos to execute breathtaking descents before disappearing into a synthesized mirage. Rainsticsk flow over the stereo field as the track evolves even further towards new age bliss, with a harmonious conversation of acoustic guitar sunshine proceeding in a fantasy jungle, wherein sunlight reflects off of glistening palm fronds and tropical birds sing intoxicating songs. And after returning to the bopping rhythms and tapestries of chill out exotica, the tracks ends with guitars being replaced by pianos while mermaid pads whoosh through a sunbathed rainforest setting. Mystical percussionist Yoshiaki Ochi inhabited similar circles to Yoshio Ojima, releasing through NEWSIC and seeing his music played, like Ojima’s, at the arts center of Wacoal lingerie company, otherwise known as Spiral. In “Balasong,” taken from 1990’s Natural Sonic, balafons bounce playfully while executing Steve Reich-style pattenrs of minimalist exotica. The drunken daydream motions and otherworldly idiophone polyrhythms are occasionally interspersed by fast motion twiddles and rapid fire rolls, while at the edge of the mix gourds buzz and textures of metal sparkle…perhaps the ghostly chiming of temple bells.

Kaoru Inoue is a hugely influential figure who for decades has been perfecting his own esoteric combination of house, techno, ambient, and spiritual world music. “Wave Introduction” was originally released on the artist’s 2006 album Slow Motion before being repurposed as the opener for one of my favorite albums ever released: Inoue’s horizontal masterpiece Em Paz released in 2018 on Groovement Organic. The track features the relaxing sounds of waves crashing to shore, joined by twinkling synths, distant foghorns, and psychosonic liquid drips, which eventually transmute into a Reich-ian dream sequence awash in textures of mermaid crystal. Undulating bass arps support slow moving pads that drift like cosmic fog while rhythmic wisps of laser static tickle the mind and the whole thing takes on the feeling of a drunken dream dance that slowly moves towards ambient rapture. The influential Flower Records and its founder Eitetsu Takamiya are represented here by the highly sought after “Scuba” under Takamiya’s Little Big Bee alias. Psychedelic bubble clouds blow over Kenji Jinguiji’s slithering bass guitar romantics and the e-pianos of Plaza Fujisaki glow with a sort of new age spirituality while Hawaiian guitars slide across a sunburst sky. A hushed house beat is accented by gentle clacks and seed shaker pulses as Jinguji’s lowslung basslines lock into a balearic fusion dance replete with vocal slides up the fretboard and as the pacific breeze guitar slides swim between solar organ dub chords, spaceage arpeggiations flitter all around. I detect a definite lean towards The Orb’s early merging of dub, ambient, and techno, with a stereo field colored through by cut-off motions, resonance flares, and whalesong pads that settle into a haze of golden light. The beats cut away momentarily, leaving filtering cosmic synthetics, pulsing organ accents, and emotive basslines while stick clicks build a rainshower rhythm. Seafoam siren synths swell in strength and subsume the entire mix as angels breath rainbow mist across universal expanses and eventually, a liquid guitar slide reintroduces the south pacific chill out groove, which now features hyperkinetic click cascades.

Coastlines, the duo of Masanori Ikeda and Takumi Kaneko, are huge favorites around here and given that I reviewed their cover of Ralph MacDonald’s “East Dry River” when it was originally released as a 7” back in 2018, I’ll present a modified version of my words from that time: Joyously ascending piano chords and deep vocal bass percussions set the scene before we smash cut into a smooth coastal fusion jam, as tambourines and toms pound beneath radiant piano strokes and synthetic steel drum dances while four four house kicks and luscious sub-basslines move the body. Angels bring touches of pure euphoria as they rain down from the sky, and elsewhere, fretless bass solos wiggle above the island rhythm dreamscape…the Motohiko Hamase-style note clusters and liquiform slides trailing under subtle ping-pong delays while colorful hand drum accents evoke slow-motion dancing on some fantasy beach. There’s a brief moment where everything washes away, leaving lush piano chords and sparkling steel pans adrift in solitude, and later, after returning to the seaside house rhythms and melodic textures of jazz fusion fantasy, we are treated again to a crazed fretless bass solo, one that grows ever more frantic and chaotic before finally dispersing. Though beloved producer Susumu Yokota is no longer with us, his memory lives on via his profound influence and his intrepid bridgings of academic ambient and techno body pressure, not to mention archival projects such as the Jon Tye-assisted Cloud Hidden from 2019. “Uchu Taniyo” is taken from Yokota’s 1999 album Sakura and begins with a voice pushing through clouds of reverb as ritualistic percussion builds from the depths. Hand drums and wooden clacks lock into a ceremonial dance kissed by cosmic fx and growling ambient forms swirl into the stereo field…these morphing tremolo gurgles imbued with atmospheres of melancholy. Voices continue babbling as a violin enters the scene, letting loose folksy melodies and post-classical whispers that barely break through the layers of rhythmic repetition. And as the track comes to an end, the exotica drum webs fade out as frogsong electronics decay into the void.

The vibe continues to spread out towards horizontal ambiance in “Time and Space,” a track exclusive to this compilation from the duo of Isao Kumano and Kenichi Takagi, who are often found working with Alex from Tokyo in Tokyo Black Star, but who here appear in their “secretive” Chillax guise. Crystallized sequences, smoldering static waveforms, and hazes of ocean either intertwine as chiming melodies ascend on unseen currents towards a sun soaked sea surface, and I can’t help but think of the underwater kosmische of Iury Lech and Miguel Noya, as well as the seafloor ambient excursions of Shelter on Profondeur 4000 and Private Agenda on Île de Rêve. Soft focus chord bursts breath ambient house ether into the mix while tick-tocking arps build slowly in the background, eventually growing in strength and taking over the mix as the vibe flows from deep sea drifting to Berlin school melodrama, wherein searing filter motions surround the spirit and vocoder cyborgs chant amidst subsuming chord decays. I’ve said much about Takashi Kokubo across this blog, though thus far everything has been focused around his hugely influential Get at the Wave. And given how well mined that album is by now, I’m quite thankful that Ken, Max, and Dr. Rob have opted instead for “Quiet Inlet,” a track appearing on Kokubo’s Eternity from 2006. Waves lap gently against the shore of some hidden island scene...a place of peace and picturesque beauty known only to the fish, reptiles, and birds. A calming piano lullaby enters the scene, marrying Satie-like ambiance and Riley-ian minimalism while digital colorations and e-piano bubble clouds flit all around. A choir of angelic sirens bathe the mix in vocal radiance while bell trees mimic sunlight refractions on the ocean’s surface and after a false ending, the dreamscape ivory cascades, pointillist e-piano melodies, and heavenly choirs return, with everything shrouded by pearlescent pad layers and gaseous blankets of reverb. Windchimes blow on a sea breeze and periodic swells of mermaid magnificence work into the mix and as the sampled waves continue their motions, they lull the mind towards daydream visages of the titular seaside paraiso.

(images from my personal copy)

[dazombi3fari3]

Hey doll hey!!! How’s your day/night going? Great I hope. I had a pretty good day … but it’s night now here in Florida and I am starting to hurt pretty badly…. I think I over did it today.

I noticed that I haven’t done any Monthly Beauty Favorites so I thought I’d start a new series for this blog… hope you like it.

Before we start I just wanted to shade with you what I made for dinner tonight! I am so proud of myself. I’ve never made Salmon on my own… I always just order it from a restaurant… but with the national quarantine and all the sit down restaurants being closed I’ve had to step out of my  comfort zone and teach myself to cook things I normally would order out! so …. here it is …

Honey lemon Salmon and garlic butter and corn white rice. This dish was so sublime that I don’t think I’ll ever order Salmon when we go out to eat again!

Not all categories will have a high end and drugstore entry. Please Note that I am not sponsored by or affiliated with any of the products or companies that I mention in this blog post. * Warning this will be a long post … just grab a snack, something to drink and settle in … I promise you wont be sorry for reading this post….. Well … Without further ado …let’s get into my April 2020 Beauty Favorites.

Favorite Beauty Store:

Beautylish has got to be my all time favorite place to shop for all things beauty!! 

I’ve been shopping at Beautylish for well over 5 years. Their customer service is of the highest quality. Their shipping rate is a flat rate of $5 on all orders (in the US it’s $5 on all orders under $35 anything above $35 is free shipping). The only downside is that they are unable to ship to P.O. boxes. They offer flex payments on orders of $100 or more where you pay a down payment and then they spread the rest of the bill over  3 to 4 payments depending how much the bill comes to. The down payment amount also depends on the amount spent… For example: I just placed an order for $102. I paid $37 as the down payment and the rest was split into 3 equal payments to be due on the 1st of each month. The due date depends on the date of purchase. I tend to pay my flex payments off faster than the allotted time, but it’s great to know I have the 3 months just in case I need them. Beautylish also ships international the the following countries: Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium,Bulgaria, Canada, China, Croatia, Cyprus, Czechia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Greece, Germany, Hong Kong, Hungary, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macau, Malaysia, Malta, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Qatar, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, South Korea, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, UAE, U.K., and U.S. Beautylish carries the following brands:

A

Aethera Beauty

Allies of Skin

Alphabet Bags

Anastasia Beverly Hills

Anna Sui

Ardell

Artis

ARTISAN&ARTIST

B

beautyblender

Beautylish Presents

BeautySoClean

BECCA Cosmetics

belif

Benefit Cosmetics

Benjabelle

Billy B

Bioderma

bkr

boscia

Briogeo

Brush Works

Bumble and bumble.

BY TERRY

C

Caudalie

Charlotte Tilbury

Chemist Confessions

CHIKUHODO

Clean Apothecary

COOLA

COVER | FX

D

Danessa Myricks Beauty

Dominique Cosmetics

Dr. Barbara Sturm

DUO

E

Eau Thermale Avène

Embryolisse

EVE LOM

Evian

F

Farmacy

G

Glamcor

Good Molecules

H

Hampton Sun

Herbalore

HoliFrog

Hourglass

I

ILIA

Indie Lee

Inglot Cosmetics

IT Cosmetics

J

Jeffree Star Cosmetics

JILL STUART Beauty

Jo Malone London

Jouer Cosmetics

JUNO & Co.

K

Kevyn Aucoin

Kjaer Weis

Klorane

Koh Gen Do

KOYUDO

L

La Mer

LASHES IN A BOX

Lilly Lashes

LINA CHOO

Lit Cosmetics

Lixirskin

Lord Jones

Lucas’ Papaw Remedies

M

MAHALO Skin Care

Make-Up Atelier

Max & Me

May Lindstrom

Mila Moursi

Miss Fame Beauty

Moon Juice

MYKITCO.

N

Natasha Denona

Naturally Serious

Nomad Noé

Nudestix

O

Omorovicza

Oribe

P

Pai Skincare

Parian Spirit

Paw Palette

Peter Thomas Roth

Q

Quintessence Paris

R

R+Co

Rae Morris

Raincry

RCMA Makeup

ReFa

Rene Furterer

rms beauty

S

SACHAJUAN

Saint Jane Beauty

Seche

Sisley-Paris

Skin Inc Supplement Bar

Skindinavia

Slip

Smith & Cult

Smith Cosmetics

Sol de Janeiro

Sonia G.

St. Tropez

Stila

Sugarpill Cosmetics

Sulwhasoo

Sunday Riley

Surratt Beauty

Susanne Kaufmann

Suwada

T

T3

Takahashi Hiroko

Taos AER

TEMPTU

The Beauty Chef

The Brush Guard

The Ordinary.

The Sacred Ritual

TOM FORD

Too Faced

TRIA Beauty

Tweezerman

U

U Beauty

Uma

UNITS

V

VDL

Velour Lashes

Vintner’s Daughter

Viseart

Vital Proteins

Vueset

W

Wayne Goss

Z

ZIIP

Z•Palette

I truly love to shop with them because the take time to package my purchases with care, it never takes more than a week to get my packages (except for now, it’s taking about 2-3 weeks because of the Corona Virus), and they have a great return policy: Their website states that their return policy is: If you are less than completely satisfied with your purchase, you may return your order within 60 days (from the delivery date) for a refund. We regret that we are unable to cover return shipping costs or refund the original shipping and duties charges unless the return was due to our error. Products must be returned in new or gently used condition. If your product arrived either damaged or defective, please contact us right away. Sets/bundles are sold as-is and products cannot be substituted, customized, and/or returned individually.

I’ve never had any issues with their services, in fact there was 1 time around 3 years ago that I ordered something from the brand It Cosmetics and the wrong item was delivered to me, I contact them straight away and they sent me out the product I had originally ordered that same day and as a way to apologize for the mistake they even allowed me to keep the product that I had received in error.

  Favorite Amazon Beauty Finds:

Pixnor 5″3″ Stainless Steel Makeup Palette with Spatula Tool $6.99 on Amazon: I am so happy I purchased this!!  I use to apply foundation to the back of my hand and then bonce my sponge off my hand … what I found is that this would cause waste of product because some of the foundation would sink into my skin and I would have to use more foundation… now I just apply a few pumps onto the palette and there is zero waste. I also love the spatula because I can use it to scrape moisturizers out of the jar without having to use my fingers. I also use the spatula to mix dew drops into my foundation and now I don’t have a big mess on my hands. 

Segbeauty 5.4oz/160ml Continuous Spray Plastic Squirt Bottle With A Fine Mist $14.99 on Amazon: This bottle is a curly hair girls dream!! It provides just the right amount of moisture without over-wetting your hair. It has a 360 degree sprayer and it’s perfect for re-wetting hair in the morning to restyle and freshen up curls. This bottle has changed my hair game for the better.

Every Drop Beauty Spatula $5.89 on Amazon. I’ve always hated the thought that there was still product in the bottom and sides of my products after I’ve run out. I started cutting plastic tubes open to get every last drop on product out but with bottles you just can’t do that. I came across this little baby when I was just browsing the beauty tools section of Amazon one day and thought OH! PERFECT!!! This spatula gets all the way to the bottom, the sides, and even the shoulders of bottles! I now have zero waste with my beauty products. I love this item so much that I have ordered it’s baby sister product the Every Drop Lip Spatula for $5.49 I ordered 2 one for lipsticks and lip glosses and one for concealers and other small wand items. This has truly helped me not waste my money by allowing me to get every last drop of product out of their containers.

Favorite Makeup Tool:

Face Halo Makeup Remover Pads: $17.60 for a 3 pack on Amazon. This little puppy is the perfect accompaniment to my vastly growing Eco-friendly arsenal. I find that I do not use as much of my Bioderma now because I am not using it to take off my makeup before I use it as my first cleanse…. 1 round is enough to completely remove all of my makeup from my face, neck, and ear lobes! You just soak it with warm water and remove your makeup… and it does remove 100% of my makeup, including lash glue! I just simply wash it after every use and it dries quickly too. I highly recommend this if you are looking for a way to reduce your carbon foot print on the planet!

Favorite Makeover Product: 

Schwarzkopf Keratin Permanent Hair Color Cream in the shade 4.6 Intense Cocoa $9.97 on Amazon (but Amazon only allows you to purchase 1 so I ordered 3 more from Walgreens.com buy 2 get 1 free for the same price). This was the first time I used this product and I’ve gotta tell ya … This has got to be the BEST boxed hair color on the market. It has Anti-Breakage Technology called K·BOND-PLEX technology (that repairs inner hair structure) and a Pre-Color Serum (that leaves your hair looking healthy and strong, with less hair breakage). It also doesn’t have that harsh hair dye smell to it. In fact my hair smelled so good that it was like I had just simply washed my hair. The conditioner it comes with left my hair so smooth and soft and fluffy. I believe they use the same technology as Olaplex does because my hair felt as if I had just done an Olaplex treatment to it. This will definitely be a product I repurchase again and again. 

Favorite Candle:

Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean Noel 3 Wick Candle: This sadly is my last Vanilla Bean Noel candle… I purchase this scent every year at Christmas time … I stock up when they have their holiday sale and typically purchase 20 of them… it’s just the best scent ever

Favorite Body Care Item:

Nivea Essentially Enriched Body Lotion with Almond Oil $5 at Walmart for 16.9 Fluid Ounces: I use to use Bath and Body Works body creams but with my Fibromyalgia I tend to get very sensitive itchy skin and have noticed that the Bath and Body Works creams would aggravate my already sensitive skin … So on a whim I picked this up a few months ago. Firstly a little of this goes a long way. It’s very creamy and very hydrating and has a soft Almond scent to it. It sinks in quickly and doesn’t leave me body feeling greasy. I’m pleasantly surprised at how wonderful this product is.

Favorite Hair Care Item:

Olaplex No 6 Bond Smoother $28 for 3.3 fluid ounces at Sephora and No 7 Bonding Oil $28 for 1 fluid ounces at Sephora: These two products work together you add a few drops of the oil into the smoother and mix it together. I use this once about ever few days to revive my curls… since I don’t wash my hair everyday I need something to help my curls revive. I typically only wash my hair 1 time a week since I don’t put any hair products into my hair. This not only smells amazing, it leaves my hair soft and replenished and defines my curls when they start to go a bit frizzy. A little bit goes along way I only use a quarter sized amount of the smoother and about 5 drops of the oil. This is another item that has seriously upped my curly girl hair game.

Favorite Movie : (I know this isn’t beauty related, but I take my movie time to do my spa treatments … so I included it as a favorite.)

Synopsis: When Cecilia’s abusive ex takes his own life and leaves her his fortune, she suspects his death was a hoax. As a series of coincidences turn lethal, Cecilia works to prove that she is being hunted by someone nobody can see. This was a very well thought out movie with lots of twists and turns. Highly Recomend.

Favorite Spa Day Item:

Revolution Skincare x Jake-Jamie Avocado Face Mask $11 for 1.6 ounces at Ulta: This mask is amazingly moisturizing. I use it once a week and my skin feels heavenly afterwards.

Favorite Skincare Item: 

I tried a ton of skincare in the month of April and there were several things that I loved but I would have to say that my all time favorite item(s) are as follows:

My 2 whole face (including eyes) serum routine: #1. Good Molecules Super Peptide Serum $12 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (it’s also sold on the Good Molecules website) and it’s function is to target fine lines, wrinkles, and dullness. #2. Good Molecules Hyaluronic Acid Serum $6 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (it’s also sold on the Good Molecules website) and it’s function is to replenish your skin’s moisture by drawing moisture into the skin for deep hydration.  My skin has never looks this good since I was in my teens. Both these serums are light weight and sink into the skin quickly and you only need 1/2 a dropper for your full face and neck … I also use whatever is left on my hands to rub into my hands as sort of a treat for my hands.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Ultra Light Face Sunscreen Fluid Broad Spectrum SPF 60: $29.99 for 1.7 fluid ounces and I purchase mine through Amazon. Ever since I starting using this sunscreen I have decluttered all other facial sunscreens. This is the perfect consistency for me. It’s light weight and hydrating. It sinks into the skin amazingly fast. It doesn’t interfere with my makeup application and it doesn’t have that sunscreen scent. BONUS: It’s a 60+ sunscreen which is the ideal level of protection for the face. 

  Favorite Face Primer: 

Tarte Timeless Smoothing Primer $39 for .5 ounces at Ulta and Sephora: I typically switch up my face primers every day or two but the one that I use everyday is this one. It just fills in my pores so well that I reach for it time and time again over all of my pore primers.

Favorite High End Foundation:

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Foundation $44 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (but can also be purchased through Sephora and the Charlotte Tilbury website). As I said in my haul of this item this is such a beautiful foundation. I just can’t stop looking at my face anytime I’m wearing it. This full coverage foundation leaves my skin looking youthful and flawless. It plays well with dew drops mixed in and plays well with any primer. I will always have this foundation in my collections.

Favorite Drug Store Foundation: 

Believe Beauty Skin Finish Foundation: $5 for .85 fluid ounces only at Dollar General Stores. This foundation surprised me I truly didn’t believe that this was going to be a good foundation, however it is a FANTASTIC foundation and is  is a medium to full coverage. This is a semi-dewy foundation. What I mean is it’s just dewy enough to give you that youthful look without being to extreme. It lasts all day and doesn’t break down. I hope they never stop making this foundation!

Favorite High End BB/CC/Tinted Moisturizer: 

Tarte Maracuja Tinted Moisturizer $29 for 1 fluid ounce of product at Ulta. This is a super dewy product but not in a greasy sort of way. It’s light coverage and sets with powder nicely. This is such a beautiful product.. so much so that I purchased a back up just in case they pull it off the shelves. I find that it’s best to apply this one with your fingers since it’s such light coverage that using a sponge with soak it all up and using a brush will leave it looking streaky.

Favorite Concealer:

NYX Born to Glow Radiant Concealer $9 for .14 fluid ounces at Ulta. This is such a beautiful concealer! It doesn’t settle into my fine lines as long as I set it straight away upon application. It doesn’t crack throughout the day. A little tiny bit is all you need. It’s full coverage without being super thick. It gives an amazing glow to the under eye that can still be seen even after you set it with powder. I’d probably go out on a limb and say this may be my favorite concealer all year.

Favorite Cream Bronzer/Contour: I wont be having 2 categories for this one… mainly because I don’t have a drug store option for this category as of yet, I have since purchased a drug store option today.

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Contour Wand in the shade 2 Medium/Dark $38 for .41 fluid ounces purchased through Beautylish (but can be purchased at Sephora and the Charlotte Tilbury website). I can’t believe I am saying that this is my favorite!! I have loved the Chanel Soleil De Chanel cream bronzer for so long that I didn’t think anything would ever replace it! Sad to say the Chanel bronzer was discontinued and a new cream bronzer replaced it … it looks more hydrating than the one I have so I’m keen to try it however … let’s talk Hollywood Contour Wand shall we!? This is the first cream contour product I’ve ever tried (bronze to me didn’t seem as scary as cream contour did). It is easy to use, easy to blend in, and gives the skin a natural looking contour. This is a light weight very pigmented product. You don’t get much product for the price tag, however a very little goes a very long way. I use 1 squeeze ever 2 days (it’s a sponge tipped applicator so the product stays in the sponge… I just squeeze 1 time and have enough product left over on the sponge that the next day I just have to dot what remains over the perimeter of my face. Unlike the Chanel bronzer this product doesn’t disrupt my foundation underneath. I love this product so much that I place an order today for a back up. 

Favorite Matte Bronzer/Contour:

Mac Bronzing Powder in the shade matte bronze: $30 for .35 ounces of product. I’ve had this compact for probably way too long because it’s starting to get hard pan, so I scraped the hard pan off … the powder works fine. The picture of the hand on the left is without flash and the one on the right is with flash. It’s just the perfect everyday natural looking bronzer. You can’t over do it with this bronzer since it’s so light of coverage. I always love my look when I’m wearing this one.

Favorite Glowy Bronzer :

Tarte Limited Edition Park Ave Princess Waterproof Face & Body Bronzer $34 for .55 ounces of product at Ulta. I do love a good glowy bronzer and this one does not disappoint! It’s the perfect shade, has just the right amount of glow without having shimmer to it … it’s just this glow from within! I just love how my skin looks with this bronzer on.

Favorite Dewy Primer: 

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Filter in the shade #3 Light/Medium $44 for 1.01 fluid ounces on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased from Sephora or the Charlotte Tilbury website). Ever since getting this product in I have not been able to put it down! It’s freaking amazing!!! AMAZING! It has just enough of a tint that this could be worn alone for “No Makeup” makeup days and has the perfect amount of glow without having any shimmer to it. 1 swipe per zone is all you need of this primer. It’s not sticky or greasy and it does hold foundation nicely.

Favorite Cream Highlighter: 

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Beauty Light Wand $39 for .41 fluid ounces on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased from Sephora or the Charlotte Tilbury website). I have tried many cream highlighters and hate every single one, until this one came into my life! This highlighter is just magical! It doesn’t disrupt the foundation under neither, it melts into the skin seamlessly, and it has no glitter to it… just a natrual looking glow. The glow can still be seen even after setting it with powder! I haven’t been able to stop using it because I’m so in love with it.

Favorite High End Face Powder:

Too Faced Born This Way Ethereal Setting Powder in the shade Translucent $33 for .53 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. This powder has the most beautiful finish ever! It give a slight glow to the skin without looking like glitter or shimmer. This one has taken the place of my beloved Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder in my heart. I just never want to be without it!!! It doesn’t take much of this powder to set the full face either. I tap 3 shakes into the cap and that sets my full face! It even looks amazing under the eyes.

Favorite Drug Store Face Powder:

Believe Beauty Matte Blur Loose Powder in the shade Translucent $5 for .14 ounces of product sold only at Dollar General. This is such a light weight powder that sets the face flawlessly. It is matte but doesn’t leave the face looking cakey or dry. It even looks good under the eyes. I have repurchased this 2 time since discovering it and I have 2 back ups.

Favorite High End Finishing and Touch Up Setting Powder:

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish Setting Powder $45 for .28 ounces of product on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased at Sephora and on the Charlotte Tilbury website). This gives the prettiest soft focus to the face and doesn’t change the look of your makeup when you touch up with it. I find on days that I wear this one as a finishing powder I don’t have to touch up at all. I don’t quiet like this one as a setting powder, just as a finishing powder and touch up powder and sad to say I have hit pan … this is the most expensive pressed powder I own but it’s so worth it and I will definitely be repurchasing it when I’ve finished it.

Favorite Drug Store Finishing and Touch Up Setting Powder:

JCat Beauty AquaSurance Compact Foundation $13.99 for .31 ounces of product at Ulta. This is a spot on dupe for the Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish Setting Powder. It’s basically a fuller coverage version and I can use it to set my set as well and I never have to touch up at all when I use this powder.

Favorite Powder Highlighter: 

Benefit Boxed Highlighter in the shade Cookie $30 for .28 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. OH BABY! This highlighter is so pretty and little is all you need. This is a beaming highlighter so definitely not for low maintenance makeup day but add this to your full glam look and watch out…. it’s the perfect highlighter to be noticed in.

Favorite Blush:

Tarte 12-HR Amazonian Clay Blush in the shade Captivating $29 for .2 ounce of product at Ulta and Sephora. This is the best just pinched shade I’ve ever owned. I wore it a ton in April and for good reason. It goes with everything from “No Makeup” makeup looks to full on glam looks. It lasts all day and is probably my all time favorite blush shade.

Favorite Lip Combo:

L’Oreal Rouge Signature Lightweight Matte Lip Stain ($5.99 at Ulta) in the shade 448 I-Tease (a soft taupey pink matte) a few dots of Makeup Geek Creme Stain ($11.99 on their website) in the shade Jitterbug (an intense coral matte) a touch of NARS Lip Gloss ($24 on the NARS website) in the shade Stripe Tease  (Sheer champagne nude). This makes the perfect shade for every look. I’ve worn this only for the past few days of April but I can already tell it will be worn a ton in the month of May.

Favorite Powder to Set My Under Eyes:

Laura Mercier Secret Brightening Powder $28 for .14 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. This just leaves the under eyes looking flawless and it sets every concealer I own except the Dermablend concealer (that concealer is just too heavy and took emollient that nothing really sets it and I would return it but I lost the uni-carton it came in so Ulta wont take it back). I wish this came in a larger jar because I just know I will be repurchasing this over and over. It gives this soft focus glow to the under eye area that isn’t shimmery or glittery … just a sort of glow from within look.

Favorite Brow Pencil:

Benefit Precisely My Brow Pencil $24 at Ulta and Sephora for .27 ounces of product. I have purchased this pencil 2 time since discovering it and I have 1 back up. This is just the most effortless brow product ever. I almost never have a bad brow day when I use this pencil. It’s a definite recommend in my book.

Favorite Brow Gel: 

Believe Beauty Eyebrow Styling Gel $4 for .2 ounces of product sold only at Dollar General. Even though it’s only got .2 ounces of product this brow gel lasts a long time. You only need 1 pass of the wand to fully set your brow. It is never crunchy and never goes flaky. The picture is of my back ups … this sucker goes fast at the store so I pick up 2 or 3 every time I go to Dollar General so I never run out. I adore this one so much that I never reach for my other brow gels.

Favorite High End Eye Shadow Palette: 

Too Faced Born This Way The Natural Nudes Eyeshadow Palette $45. It has 8 matte shades and 8 shimmer shades and you get .48 total ounces of product and is sold at Ulta and Sephora. Some of my all time favorite looks this past month have come from this palette! I just adore it so much. Too Faced really hit it out of the park with this one.

Favorite Drug Store Eye Shadow Palette: (I have 3, 1 is a bit more pricier, 1 is mid-ranged and the other is super inexpensive)

ColourPop Bare Necessities 30 Pan Eyeshadow Palette $34 on the ColourPop website. I have created so many beautiful neutral eye looks with this palette! With 30 shades I never get bored of this one.

  Believe Beauty Eyeshadow Palette  in the color story: Nearly Nude $5 only sold at Dollar General. It’s just simple an amazing palette. I was highly impressed with this one. I got a few looks out of it and it’s the perfect size for travel.

  Catrice Basic Bae Eyeshadow Palette $14.99 at Ulta. This was the first thing I ever tried from Catrice and I was super impressed! The shadows are super pigmented and blend like a dream.

Favorite Eye Liner:

Charlotte Tilbury The Classic Powder Eye Pencil in the shade Audrey $22 on the Beautylish website (but can also be purchased at Sephora and on the Charlotte Tilbury website). Now this one was a surprise to me. I hated this pencil when I first tried it…. I could never get it to work… Well I finally figured it out and I am in love. It gives such a effortless look to the eyes when I use it. This will be a repurchase when I run out.

Favorite Mascara: 

Milani Dangerous Lengths 3D Mascara regularly $9.99 nut currently on sale for $7.49 at Ulta. This is another item that surprised me but ever since I’ve been conditioning my lashes with the Jamaican Black Castor Oil my lashes have been looking so nice and combined with the mascara I just fell in love…. I can’t believe I have a favorite mascara and it’s, for the first time in years, not the L’Oreal voluminous Carbon Black!!! This just gives a nice fluffy airy look to the lashes.

Favorite Inner Corner Highlight:

Hikari Creme Pigment in the shade Honey Dew $15 on their website. I have been using this for a few years now but I just can’t seem to stay away. It just give the prettiest lilt to the inner corners.

Favorite Setting Spray: (I have 2 this month)

ColourPop Hyaluronic Acid Setting Mist $12 for 3.72 fluid ounces of product at Ulta and on the ColourPop website. This setting spray smells like the beach and leaves the skin looking dewy and healthy. It holds your makeup fairly well … I don’t really need a setting spray that will hold my makeup on until the wee hours of the morning, I just need a spray that will take down the powderiness of freshly applied makeup.  I’ve been using this bottle for 2 months and I’m almost out of it. This makes me sad because it’s sold out everywhere. I think this may just be my favorite setting spray of the year.

Belif Aqua Bomb Mist $34 for 2 2.02 fluid ounces of product on the Beautylish website (but can also be purchased at Ulta and Sephora). This one adds tons of hydration to the skin and I love it as a touch up spray too. Lately I have been using it in combination with the other setting spray just to add a bit more hydration to my under eye area. 

Favorite Find of the Year So Far: 

HonHey Portable Hand Held Rechargeable Fan. $13 on Amazon. I purchased this back in the beginning of March but it has quickly become my favorite beauty extra! It helps me dry my setting spray and lash glue. It also helps keep me cooler when the hot lights of my makeup table start to make me over heat. It has a great charge life as well. 

Well … We have reached the end dolls. Thank you ever so much for hanging in there with this post …. I know it was a long one … but this is the flagship post of this series and I thought I should be as thorough as possible with at least the first in the series… Now that’s not to say I wont have heaps of favorites in any given month, but I may just have a few favorites in other months too.

Well that’s all for now dolls. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day/night and that your spirits are high and your health is good! Remember dolls, Save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

April 2020 Beauty Favorites Hey doll hey!!! How's your day/night going? Great I hope. I had a pretty good day ...

[cmncisspnandmore]

Don’t let me go, Part 2

AN: Here it is you lovely people. Part 2, i have added anyone that wanted to be tagged to the taglist. It is still open! My requests are also still open :) i hope you enjoy this. Also the experiences the reader has with her Disorder are taken from my own personal struggle with it. It is not like this for everyone. But if you or someone you know is struggling with an ED, please seek help. Im always here to talk if need be. Enjoy my pretties. <3

Pairing: Spencer Reid X Reader Warnings: Anorexia, eating disorders, depression, drug use, mentions of past character death, extreme fluff? is that a warning? 

~~~~~~

“Officer Porter, this is Agent Y/L/N, and Dr. Reid, they are here to help you go over some of the evidence from the crime scene. Get a fresh look at the photographs and try to get a sense of who the Unsub is.” Hotchner gestured to you and Reid, and the officer nodded.

“Anything you need let me know, my team is at your disposal.” Officer Porter smiled and his gaze on you lingered a few minutes and you shifted uncomfortably. Hotch walked over to where the rest of the team was gathered and started to give them instructions on where to go and who they needed to talk to.

“Lets go sit and look at the photos,” Reid placed a hand on the small of your back and guided you to the small room that they had set up the board in. You and Reid took a seat at the small table, and Reid started to flip through the photos.

“This crime looks organized, it’s well thought out and the single bullet wound shows that the Unsub was confident that this wound would kill the victim. Also notice how the Victims hands are folded across their stomachs, and they are placed almost burial style on the floor. The unsub doing this, symbolises that he had remorse.” Reid slides the photo across the table to you, you shake your head and stare at the photo for a second.

“Yeah.. I agree. What else do you think?” You ask leaning back in the chair, the pictures making your empty stomach flip.

You zone out after Reid starts to ramble off about psychopaths and sociopaths, you can’t keep up with him, and you have a feeling that maybe you’re letting this go a little too far. But nonetheless, you had to be skinny and perfect. If you weren't then there was no point in even trying. You needed to be the one to make men stop talking when you walked in the room, you needed to be the girl people envied. And the only way to do that was to be thin. Thin. Light. Airy. Perfect. You needed collarbones that stuck out, and you had to be able to see your hip bones when you stood not just when you laid down. Your legs wouldn't brush and your stomach needed to be flat. Your wrists so small and dainty that jewelry would almost slide off your wrist.

It wasn't until something fell in the other room that scared you so much that you jumped up out of the chair and your vision got very spotty, and you started to sway. Reid jumped up from his chair and grabbed your arm, he grabs your arm firmly.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Spencer looks down at you as you grasp his arm and close your eyes for a moment.

“I..I’m alright, i just got startled.” You nod and after a moment look up at Spencer who is giving you a hard look. He grabs your other arm, pulling you upright, so your body was facing him and he leans down to your height.

“Promise me.” His brown eyes burn into your Y/E/C, and you bite your bottom lip nervously. You really didn't want to lie to him anymore.

“Yeah i just stood up to quickly, I just need a moment and maybe some water.” You smile, even though you didn't want to be sneaky, your goal weight was just in reach. You had to reach it, it was the only thing you could think about.

“Let me go get you something, sit down.” Spencer stood up and walked into the break room of the dingy police station. He walks over to the water dispenser and takes a small paper cup from the stack that rests against it. He leans down and presses the tap for the cold water and lets the cup fill. He places the cup down on the counter and out of the corner of his eye he sees a vending machine, sitting dutifully in the back of the room. A row of granola bars sitting on the top row, walking over to it he pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, and inserts a dollar into the machine. He punches in the number for a chocolate chip granola bar, and waits for it to fall into the bottom.

The granola bar falls into the bottom of the machine and he reaches in, grabbing the bar and then grabs the cup of water on his way out. Heading back into the room where you were sitting with your head on your hands, your hair falling forward shadowing your face.

“Here, you should eat something.” Spencer hands you the cup of water and the granola bar, you lift your head and take it from him.

“Thank you Spencey.”

“You’re welcome, are you sure you’re okay to continue this case? I can finish going over this stuff if you want to head back to your hotel room, I can drive you, contrary to the rest of the teams belief i actually do have my drivers license.” Reid furrows his brows and looks at you, studying you for a moment.

“I, i think i might be coming down with something.” You take a sip of the water and stare at the granola bar there was 100 calories in that granola bar, there was no way it was going to get past your lips. You would have to get rid of it when Reid wasn't looking, unwrap it and throw away the actual food, leave the wrapper somewhere that he would see it so he would think that you ate it.

“Let me call Hotch and let him know i'm going to drive you to the Hotel.” Reid pulls his phone out of his pocket and walks out of the room. Making sure to close the door behind him and face away from the window so you couldn't read his lips on what he was saying.

“Hotch.”

“It’s Reid, I need to drive Y/N, to the hotel, she's not feeling well.”

“Reid, you sound worried, is everything okay?”

“No, I think Y/N is in trouble. I don't want to concern you at the moment until i know for sure i will get the findings about the Unsub, and the crime scene photos from the hotel room. I'm gonna stay with her and make sure she’s okay.”

“Reid, if this is something serious you need to tell me.”

“I know, Hotch, i know. But if i confront her right now, it could make this whole thing a lot worse. Please you need to trust me.” Reid spoke into his phone, closing his eyes leaning back against the concrete wall.

“Alright, I trust you.” And with that Hotch hung up the phone.

You shifted uncomfortably in the chair waiting for Spencer to get back, you had tossed the granola bar in the small trash bin in the room while he was outside the door talking to Hotchner. You placed the ripped silver foil wrapper on the table in front of you and pick up one of the photos from the crime scene, it wasn't a gruesome picture or anything, all it was, was the victim's family portrait, the unsub had turned it around, almost like they didn't want the children in the picture to witness what happened to their mom. All the pictures in the crime scene had been turned around, excluding the ones that didn't have the children present in them.

“Y/N, let’s go.” Reid opened the door and you placed the photo down on the table, nodding once.

You stand up and Spencer is immediately at your side, offering a steadying hand. You smile at him, as he leads you out to the black SUV that is waiting. He helps you into the passenger seat and then closes the door for you. You rest your head on the side of the car, your eyes heavy with exhaustion even though you slept 4 out of the 5 hour flight. You planned on breaking your fast at 48 hours, if you could make it to 48 hours you would then allow yourself to eat a small meal with Spencer at breakfast tomorrow. Maybe you could play this off as a bad cold or even a virus. You just had to fool the genius for another 16 hours. As Spencer pulled away from the curb onto the road towards the hotel that the director had booked for the team while they helped solve the murders.

“I told Hotch i would stay with you until you got situated. He said it was fine, and that they would call if they needed us. But i left him everything we figured out about the Unsub.” Spencer hit the directional and switched lanes. His brown eyes glancing over at you for a second.

“Mmmm,” You hummed out, closing your eyes, “He doesn't want kids to see…” You mumbled out and Spencer glanced over again.

“What?”

“The Unsub, when you were talking to Hotch, I was looking at the pictures. He turned every picture in both houses around away from the murder scene, if the kids were in the picture he didn't want them to see.” You lifted your head and looked over at Spencer, eyes half hooded, and your head pounded.

“I’ll send a text to Hotch, when we get checked in.” Spencer put on the directional again and pulled into the Hotel parking lot. He pulled into a parking spot, and hopped out of the car. Walking over to your side, he pulled your door open and you sleepily unclicked your seatbelt, and slid off the seat. Once again Reid wrapped his arm around your waist and he guided you gently to the main lobby. You learnt into his side, taking comfort in the warm soft fabric of his cardigan. The smell of spice and wood along with the faint smell of old books, lingered on his cardigan.

Reid stops in front of the front desk, and young woman behind the desk smiles.

“Hi, how may i help you?”

“My name is Dr. Spencer Reid, i'm from the FBI, my team has booked rooms here for our stay. This is Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N, if we could have her room number and key card i would greatly appreciate it.” Reid runs his hand up and down your back lightly. The woman behind the desk nods and reaches under the desk, producing two key cards and slides them across the counter to Spencer.

“Thank you.” He grabs the cards and tucks one into his own pocket and turn to you and hands  you the other.

“Room number 537,” She smiles to Reid and then glances over to you, “Your room is 539, they’re adjoining rooms, they share a doorway that can be locked on either side.”  You nod and Spencer thanks her before guiding you to the elevator and pressing floor number 5.

Spencer takes the key card from your hand and you both walk to the door of your room. He unlocks your door and hold it open for you, you slip by him and into the room.

“Thank you, Spence, for helping me get back. I don't feel very well. I think i'm going to take a shower and then lay down.” You smile and head for the small bathroom off to the side of the room. The room wasn't huge but it fit a queen size bed, a dresser, and a tv, along with a mini fridge and a few small tables with chairs.

“Sure, no problem, i’ll get your bags from the car.” Spencer smiles and walks to the door closing it on his way out.

You start the shower and  wait for the room to steam up before, stripping out of your warm clothes and step into the shower, you shiver violently until the water becomes scorching hot, and you close your eyes and lean your head back letting the hot water wash over you. You don't hear the door to the hotel room open again and you don't hear Spencer sit down on the bed, but you sink down to the bottom of the shower. Resting your head against your knees and the hot water making you more lightheaded than you already were. Your head still throbbed from lack of nutrition, and your stomach rumbled loudly. You rest your head back on the wall of the shower and you struggle to stay awake. All you want to do it sleep. You felt like a car running on an empty tank. You close your eyes and let the hot water lull you to sleep.

Spencer waited exactly 15 minutes before decided on checking on you. Whenever you stayed at his house your average shower took 10 minutes and you had been in the hotel shower for almost double that. It worried him and when he knocked on the bathroom door asking if your alright and got no answer. He panicked, he pushed the bathroom door open and through the thick clouds of steam grabbed af ew towels and called your name again.

When he still got no reply he stuck his hand in the shower and turned the water off, then he pulled back the curtain, and gasped at the sight of you. You were sitting back against the shower wall, your body pale and your skin looked pulled taut over your bones. Your collar bones, ribs and hips clearly visible. You looked like a skeleton, you must've been at least 15 pounds underweight, for a girl your height and build. Your hair looked limp and your eyes sunken, your cheek bones protrude. And without a second thought Spencer reached down into the tub and grabbed ou. Wrapping a towel around you as tears clouded his vision, you were far too light.

“Y/N, wake up.” He shook your shoulder and you stirred, and reared back at his touch. Your hands flew to the towel and you tried to cover your body the best you could.

“Y/N, what have you done to yourself.” Spencer whispered as tears slipped from his eyes down his face.

You swallowed thickly, “I just want to be good enough…. Pretty enough… for you..”

~~~~

Tag list

Criminal Minds: @morcialovechild @banananna99 @cynbx​

Dont let me go: @itshaleighyo7 @galaxygallade @drw0301bieber @multifandom-ramblings

[danvilleiisms-blog]

"Deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable." A fact Lilac Sapphire knows all too well.

“Fortunately, that’s not always the case. Especially not in the future. And certainly not on every world in the universe. There are many places where differences are accepted, and even encouraged and celebrated. For example, the Newniques believe that the individual is more important than the collective, and uniformity is often discouraged as a result.”

[loneberry]

Flowers for Eternity

What is the alphabet of funeral flowers that appears everywhere in my work? 

Below the cut is “Flowers for Eternity”—my favorite chapter from Stephen Buchmann’s book The Reason for Flowers—on the relationship between flowers and death, and the use of flowers for funerary and religious rituals. 

*

Flowers as the enshrinement of wayward souls

Flowers as an olfactory mask for decomposing corpses

Flowers as memorialization

Flowers as emotional salve in the face of loss

Who knows why, when a life is snuffed out, a bouquet sprouts in the void. 

In the end, we all will become flowers

Ruderals in the cemetery of lost dreams

Flowers for Eternity They are love’s last gift—bring ye flowers, pale flowers! —Felicia Hermans It’s a cold February morning in Orange County, California. My family, and our relatives and friends, gather on a green lawn, in the Garden of Contentment, an older area within the sprawling Rose Hills Memorial Park in Whittier, California, the largest cemetery in the United States. A friend has given the eulogy for my father, Stanley, who has died at age fifty-seven. Our family walks to the open grave hand in hand. My father’s sister carries a bouquet of flowers. One by one, we come forward, adding colorful bouquets atop the metal coffin. Floral wreaths rest next to the gravesite on tall stands. Earlier that morning, several hundred friends, family, and relatives paid their final respects during a funeral service in the flower-filled First Congregational Church of Buena Park. Now, our family and a few others remain graveside among the floral tributes before the casket is lowered. Such earthen burials in cemeteries are repeated about six thousand times each day in the United States and many more times around the world. Much of the florist industry is based on these services and other floral tributes. With their beauty, flowers comfort us; they make us smile and ease our grief. They help us to heal and recover from losses and emotional wounds. This has always been true. Our ancestors used cut flowers as grave offerings since the time spiritual beliefs first stirred in humans. Archaeological excavations of ancient burial sites in Iraq and Israel, along with tombs of Egyptian pharaohs, such as Tutankhamen, provide us with glimpses into the burial customs of these ancient mourners, and flowers for eternity. Buried with Flowers Deep within the Zagros Mountains of northern Iraq is the famed Shanidar Cave. Early humans, Neanderthals, lived here seventy thousand years ago and buried their dead. Excavations in the 1950s by a Columbia University archaeological team unearthed ten Neanderthal skeletons buried along with an assortment of stone tools. At least one individual may have been laid upon a bed of stems of joint pine (Ephedra, shrubs that make no flowers) and also adorned with bouquets of flowers. Pollen from twenty-eight flowering species was identified from the gravesite soils. Pollen-grain concentrations were higher within the grave than in the surrounding areas of Shanidar Cave. This sensational discovery was widely reported in the media and sparked debate. Did the family group of Neanderthals have ritualized burials? Was this the first evidence of floral grave offerings? Or, as has recently been suggested, was it merely interred pollen brought into the cave by generations of gerbil-like rodents hoarding grasses and wildflowers? For now, the story is unclear. Not as old, but far more scientifically convincing, is a twelve-millennia-old gravesite inside Raqefet Cave on Israel’s Mt. Carmel studied by archaeologists at the University of Haifa. Here, four graves from the Natufian culture (radiocarbon-dated to be 13,700 to 11,700 years old) were lined with flowers at the time of burial. In one grave, an adult male and an adolescent were buried together atop a thick bier of floral offerings. Judaean sage (Salvia judaica), along with other unidentified mints (Lamiaceae) and members of the snapdragon family (Plantaginaceae), were used. Interestingly, Judaean sage has been a ritual plant since ancient times. It has commonly followed Mediterranean peoples from cradle to grave, like rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis) and true myrtle (Myrtus communis). Myrtle remains entwined and is used with one Jewish holiday, Sukkoth, the Feast of Tabernacles, still celebrated each autumn. Archaeologist Dr. Dani Nadel spoke with me about the Raqefet Cave ancient graveyard, explaining that the inner grave surfaces were plastered with mud, capturing imprints of the delicate stems and finest floral impressions at the time of inhumation. Based upon the types of local wildflowers used, these may have been spring burials. Perhaps flowers were offered as grave goods not only for their beauty but also for their intense scents, which would have masked the odors of decomposition. Sages, along with mint stems and leaves, are especially fragrant, used to this day in cooking and burned as incense. A visitor to the Mt. Carmel hillside today walks among Judaean sage, a plant as common there now as it likely was millennia ago. The Natufians were possibly the first people to transition from a nomadic hunter-gatherer lifestyle to permanent settlements with agriculture, animal husbandry, and true graveyards. Honoring the Dead or Appeasing the Gods? From the earliest times, humans have displayed two interrelated behaviors using flowers. We have buried them with our dead, but we have also adorned statues of deities with garlands or left blooms on sacred altars to propitiate the deities. Why is it that something as ephemeral and delicate as a flower took on this new role in the theologies of so many divergent cultures? How could a flower provide comfort for grieving mourners if we evolved from fruit-eating ancestors? Why not use something else? Shouldn’t we be decorating sarcophagi and coffins with fruit, luscious red ripe grapes, apples, or figs? Perhaps it happened because the blooming of flowers around the world proceeds in a predictable, seasonal pattern. Flowers of the dry season are replaced by flowers of the rainy season in the tropics. In cooler-milder zones, three or four seasons offer a diverse but revolving carousel of buds that open and wilt at appointed times. Catastrophic destruction by unexpected droughts, wildfires, or floods interrupts annual climate cycles but not forever. Given time, the flowers return. Early humans certainly noticed that when their kin were buried in shallow graves, these sites were later colonized by blooming, opportunistic, short-lived wildflowers ecologists call ruderals. This mode of natural renewal had been noted by most generations of poets, regardless of era. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Laertes offers the then-widespread belief that good flowers spring from the grave of a good person. He hopes that violets will spring from his sister Ophelia’s grave, although her death was a suicide. Thus, Mt. Carmel hides more than one ruined necropolis in plain sight. On warm days in January a trained botanist can show cyclamens, red anemones, winter narcissi, and mandrakes poking out between the tips of the half-buried ossuaries. Bouquets, Mummy Garlands, and Floral Collars On a far grander scale, death rites and religious worship were intertwined in the Egypt of the pharaohs. Flower arrangements were used in festivals and for special occasions. Most popular were the spike-topped papyrus reeds, and flowers of sacred blue and white water lilies. Bouquets were presented to deceased relatives at the time of burial and on various festive occasions and anniversaries at the necropolis and mortuary temples. Beautifully designed fresh-flower arrangements were also worn as broad neck collars (wide necklaces) by participants at Egyptian funerary rites and their associated feasts. Bouquets were brought to burials, and papyrus stems played an integral part since these abundant, aquatic reeds symbolized the resurrection of the deceased. Bouquets and persea (Mimusops laurifolia) branches were found inside King Tutankhamun’s multiroomed royal tomb in the Valley of the Kings (ancient Thebes) when it was first opened by Howard Carter in 1922. Ancient flower collars and dried-but-once-fresh flowers are found on mummies and draped on statues placed within tombs. When nineteen-year-old pharaoh Tutankhamun was buried in 1323 BC, many floral garlands were placed as offerings on his three nested, gilded coffins. A small wreath of olive leaves, blue water-lily petals, and blue cornflowers (Centaurea) surrounded the symbol of office, the vulture-and-serpent motif above the king’s brow. The floral decorations on Tut’s innermost coffins were especially elaborate. Here, layers of wrapped linen were crisscrossed by four bands of long floral garlands. The plants used in the garlands have been identified as olive leaves, cornflower, willow, lotus (Nelumbo), and celery leaves. A one-foot-wide floral collar encircled the king’s sculpted, solid gold funerary mask. When fresh, before the sarcophagus was sealed, this brilliant floral collar resting on the golden innermost coffin lid must have been a lovely sight. Unlike the previous garlands, this collar contained blue glass beads, lotus petals, more cornflowers, the scarlet berries of deadly nightshade, along with yellow mandrake fruits and the yellow-flowering heads of yellow hawkweeds (Picris). The royal mummy of Rameses II (1290 - 1224 BC) had thirteen rows of floral garlands, along with single blue flowers of water lilies under the bands sealing the mummy wrappings. This king, along with others, was found in a “mummy cache,” likely placed there a century later (c. 1087 BC) by Egyptians to avoid the rampant tomb robbing of that time. The garlands of persea leaves and blue and white lotus on the mummy wrappings of Rameses II might have been placed there reverentially during his hasty reburial. Northwest from Egypt, on islands of the Aegean, the Minoan peoples traded with the Egyptians, who coveted Minoan saffron (Crocus sativus) as a spice and a dye. These people also enjoyed an elaborate vision of death, flowers, and deities, but it seems more cheerful. Amateur botanist and historian Hellmut Baumann has addressed the relicts of this civilization, and its Greek invaders. The Cretans, for example, decorated their sarcophagi with motifs depicting the flowering stems of native dragon arums (Dracunculus vulgaris) and related members of the philodendron family (Araceae). They also painted the glorious white and wonderfully scented sea daffodils (Pancratium maritimum) on these baked clays as it was a favorite of their goddesses. These deities were believed to favor wild lilies, including the white-flowered species we today call the Madonna (Lilium candidum), and the Cretans protected the mauve flowers of the saffron crocus. One sculpted goddess wore a crown made of the fat round fruits of opium poppies. The Minoan Empire came to a violent end around 1570 BC when volcanic eruptions and tsunamis devastated their islands and left the survivors vulnerable to waves of invasion from the Greek mainland. The invaders brought in a new, male-dominated pantheon. The mighty Minoan goddess became Crete’s nymph under the name of Britomartis or Dictynna. She was a dutiful daughter of Zeus and a virgin. Classical Greek religion believed in gods who loved flowers. As they were immortals, their worshippers decorated their temples with “immortal” arrangements of everlasting daisies (Helichrysum), as they hold their shiny yellow color and sun shapes when dried. Sacrificial oxen were adorned with flowers of wild carnations (Dianthus) and rose campions (Lychnis). Greek priests and poets insisted that their gods had sacred plants, and some of these bore beautiful flowers. The first Olympian gods invented floral wreaths at the wedding of Zeus and Hera, weaving together wildflowers such as primroses, candytuft (Iberis), leopard’s-bane (Doronicum), and mouse-ears (Cerastium). Pindar (522 - 443 BC) wrote odes associating Apollo and Aphrodite with sweetly scented violets of the field. Flowers followed a Greek woman through the most important rituals of her life. Virgins wore garlands of wild, white-flowered species at their weddings, typically incorporating crocuses, white snowflakes (Leucojum), white storax (Styrax), and snowdrops (Galanthus), according to season. The modern fashion of the pure white bride’s bouquet derives from these sweetly scented garlands and wreaths. But the wedding bouquet of classical Greece was more likely to contain garlic and other pungent herbs to drive off jealous wandering spirits! The citizens of ancient Rome picked up many Greek wedding customs but seemed to prefer colorful, scented flowers including violets, wallflowers (Cheiranthus), and stocks (Matthiola). The Greeks also favored roses (sacred to Aphrodite), but the Romans so expanded the wedding fashions that they may have used the flowers of four or five different Rosa species. Wealthier Romans also tried to turn their wedding nuptial chambers into a fertile garden of flowers and greenery. As a matron, the mature Greek woman celebrated the summer rites (Thesmophoria) sacred to the grain goddess, Demeter. This included sleeping on makeshift beds sprinkled with the blue-purple flowers of the chaste tree (Vitex), to keep them faithful to their husbands and to increase their fertility. These flowers were sacred to Demeter, Hera (goddess of marriage), Aphrodite (goddess of love and fertility), and even Asclepius (god of medicine). At a woman’s death, a purple iris might be planted on her grave, and funerals in ancient Greece were elaborate rituals lasting several days. At the moment of death, the soul (Psyche, portrayed as a winged deity or butterfly) was believed to leave the body through the mouth as a puff of wind. By law, the decedent’s body was prepared at home (the prothesis), usually by elderly female relatives. The corpse was washed, anointed with fragrant oils, and dressed. Then it was placed on a bed of wooden planks and adorned with a crown of tree branches and flowers. Romans adored their floral crowns but also decorated the funerary couch with many fresh flowers. Once burial was complete, both Greeks and Romans scattered flowers on the grave (violets were popular tributes), and both cultures believed that planting herbs and sweet flowers around the burial site purified the earth. Urns containing the remains of the deceased could also be cleansed using offerings of cut flowers. A Passion for Lotuses

Even as the peoples of Crete, Greece, and Italy abandoned their old pantheons less than two thousand years ago, flowers continue to play a living role in the cultures and countries embracing the various branches of Hinduism. Indians still celebrate rites wearing garlands of flowers, and they give them away as gifts. Their use of flowers is associated with sexuality, one of the aphorisms of love, for example, in the Kama Sutra by Vatsyayana. The ancient Indian text is not just about erotic love and sexual positions; it also contains information on the sixty-four arts, including flowers, especially fashioning flower carriages and artificial flowers, the adorning of idols with rice and flowers, decorating couches or beds with flowers, stringing necklaces, making garlands or wreaths, and the simple pleasures of gardening. In their worship and portrayals of deities, Hindus are infatuated with flowers. The name of the Hindu worship ritual puja is translated as the “flower act.” Among Hindus, the Indian lotus flower (Nelumbo nucifera) is their foremost symbol of beauty, fertility, and prosperity. According to Hinduism, within everyone resides the spirit of the sacred lotus flower. The lotus symbolizes purity, divinity, and eternity, widely used in ceremonies, where it denotes life, especially feminine beauty and renewed youth. In the Bhagavad Gita, a Hindu text, humans are admonished to be like the lotus, holding high above the water, like the flower itself. In hatha yoga, the familiar lotus sitting position is used by practitioners as a way of striving for a higher level of consciousness. In Hinduism, the lotus also represents beauty and nonattachment. The aquatic plant produces a large, beautiful, pinkish blossom, but it is rooted fast in the mud of a shallow pond or lake. Its stiff leaves rise above the water’s surface, neither wetted nor muddy. Hindus view this as an admonition for how we should live our lives, without attachment to our surroundings. Several Hindu deities are likened to the lotus blossom. Krishna is described as the Lotus-Eyed One in reference to his supposed divine beauty. Deities including Brahma, Lakshmi, Vishnu, and Saraswati are also associated with the lotus blossom. The “wooing” of Hindu gods is normally done with adorning clothing, jewels, dances and music, perfumes, betel nuts, coconuts, and other foods, but especially with vermilion dusts and many flowers. During Holi, the festival of colors during the spring, worshippers paint their faces with brilliant vermilion powders. Flowers are everywhere on display for Holi and Diwali (the festival of lights, celebrated in India and Nepal). Colorful floral displays called rangoli are created for indoor or outdoor use by the celebrants. The Diwali holiday marks the victory of good over evil (Lord Rama’s victory over the demon-king Ravana). Villagers commonly paint the faces of sacred cattle with vermilion and drape their necks with long floral garlands, using marigolds, and red-purple makhmali (flowering heads of long-lasting amaranths) in Nepal. In an interesting form of what may be considered cultural diffusion with flowers, Hindus prefer the fat, hybrid heads of marigolds (Tagetes), apparently unaware of their earlier association with bloody human sacrifices performed by Aztec high priests. In India, yatra are the pilgrimage festivals celebrated at Hindu temples. Idols are carried aloft in a special procession on a palki (sedan chair). These ceremonial platforms are highly decorated, festooned in colorful live flowers including marigolds and makhmali. Cremation is mandatory for most Hindus. In India, after the elaborate cremation ceremonies performed by male family members, the deceased’s ashes are gathered and usually scattered on the waters of the sacred Ganges River (especially at Allahabad), or at sea. Mourners often place floating bowls containing the ash remains and flowers in the river. They also scatter flower petals and whole flowers on the waters as part of this ritual. Buddhism originated in northern India. Although often considered a spiritual path or way of life, rather than a formal religion, its many followers use and admire flowers in their rituals and daily lives. The lotus is often stated to represent the most exalted state of man and is the symbol of knowledge and the Buddha. Legend has it that wherever the Buddha paced to and fro in meditation, lotus flowers sprang up in his footsteps. In most Buddhist art, the lotus flower symbolizes the Buddha and transcendence to a higher state. The lotus is also thought to represent in Buddhism four human virtues: scent, purity, softness, and beauty. In contrast, some Hindus and Hindu offshoots, such as Jainism, eschew flowers. Orthodox Brahmans and Jains oppose using flowers because, although no blood is spilled, a “sacrifice” is made by cutting the stem of the plant, which kills the flower. Allowances are often made and flowers are used by these groups in worship. However, the very best flowers, as offerings, are those that fall naturally to the ground so their lives were not taken by picking. India’s Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948), made famous by inspiring nonviolent acts of civil disobedience among his followers, avoided the use of floral garlands. Gandhi preferred garlands made of cotton or necklaces of plain sandalwood beads. Flowers of Bali The Hindu use of flowers is most vibrant and lavish on the island of Bali, in the Indonesian archipelago. The ancient Sanskrit word bali means “tribute” or “gift,” especially surrounding temple ceremonies and the use of flowers. Wandering the streets of Ubud, you see minipalettes, three-by-three-inch woven-palm-leaf trays filled with colorful flowers of frangipani (Plumeria; a relative of our milkweeds), ylang-ylang (Cananga odorata; related to custard apples), and Impatiens (the same tropical weeds we grow as summer shade-garden annuals). These offerings are called banten in Balinese. Incense tops the vibrant offerings, adding its wisps of fragrant smoke to appease nature spirits, and the numerous gods and demons of Balinese Hinduism. These miniature offerings in Bali take on many different forms. They always contain flowers, but may include cookies, cigarettes, rice, or money. The offerings are not always contained in the plaited-palm trays. Often, they are merely small piles of colorful flower petals. The items used in the offerings seem to be less important than the act of creating these tributes. Balinese women spend a large part of each day creating and placing these ritualistic offerings along roadways and paths, often perched where you least expect them. The offerings are everywhere, sitting atop walls, planters, and stair steps. Individual flowers and garlands adorn stone statues, such as those of Ganesha. This beloved elephant-headed god of wisdom and art is often depicted holding—you guessed it—a lotus blossom. In Bali, the sweet floral scent of frangipani and ylang-ylang perfumes the air of courtyards, homes, and temples. Early every morning, before most tourists have risen from their guesthouse beds, the Balinese are out on the streets. They sweep away the previous day’s now-wilted floral offerings and wash down the streets and gutters. The offerings are daily devotional gifts, repeated acts of faith, cornerstones of their belief system. The slightly darker side of the practices is that the offerings are meant to appease and disperse demon spirits who might be hanging around one’s home or a nearby street corner. These are far more than simple street decorations for foreign tourists, which I’m sure most foreign visitors believe they are. Many of the country’s religious ceremonies are conducted within Hindu temples. Odalans are temple ceremonies lasting three or more days. During these observances, the temple walls are covered in colorful golden thread fabrics. Offerings of bright fruits, flowers, and rice cakes are carried balanced on women’s heads, then placed around the temples. The Hindu gods are believed to take the essence (sari) from these food offerings, which are later brought home and consumed by the worshipping families. On Bali, flowers play as important a role in death as they do in life. The dead, inside their coffins, are placed inside large, elaborate, gilded sarcophagi made of papier-mache. These often take the form of bulls or the demonic Bhoma guardian with a fearsome, openmouthed head, staring down at the onlookers. They are impressive works of art accompanied by flowers. The black and gold sarcophagi are highly decorated with real and paper flowers. Floral garlands (chrysanthemums) adorn the necks of the impressive mythical beasts. During the funeral ceremonies, everyone wears bright costumes, and village women prepare food offerings to be eaten by the mourners during the festivities. The distinctive ringing tones of gamelan music are an integral part of Balinese culture and their funeral traditions. Finally, the ornate funeral pyres with their garlanded animals are set ablaze with added gasoline for good measure. After the flames have done their work, the family separates the ashes and bones of the deceased from the remaining residue. The cremains are tenderly placed inside folded white and yellow cloths along with flowers and buried twelve days later, after a final purification rite, again augmented with flowers. The “Conversion” of Flowers When trade brought the lotus to Egypt around 500 BC, it displaced the blue and white water lilies used in worship. Favorite flowers find new religions, and it’s a never-ending circle, with Mexican marigolds and frangipani used extensively by Hindus in India and on Bali. Therefore, it should not surprise us that the goddesses of the Mediterranean basin gave their grandest white flower to Christianity, recognizable to most as the white Madonna lily (Lilium candidum). In the United States, this is the omnipresent potted Easter lily. In early Christian liturgy, Mary’s tomb was filled with these white lilies after her assumption into heaven. The Madonna lily also figures in Renaissance paintings of the Annunciation. Its white color represents her presumed virginity and immaculate conception. Today, flowers taking on similar Christian symbolism include the lily of the valley, the snowflake, and the snowdrop, once worn by Greek brides. White, the color of purity and innocence, and red, Christ’s sacrificial blood, represented by roses, have been emblems of the Virgin Mary. They were also sacred to Venus and Aphrodite in earlier times. Ironically, the earliest practices of the Christian church largely avoided ceremonial uses of flowers as they were associated with former but often appropriated pagan rites. These restrictions were modified over time, so now Christian services and funerals seem incomplete without flowers. For Catholic services, floral arrangements are usually placed on shelves, the gradines, behind the main altar. Although white flowers are most often used, even red flowers are allowed, along with ferns and other greenery. Often an attempt is made to match flower colors with those of the clerical vestments. In the Catholic Church flowers are used in moderation during Advent but are often “given up” for Lent. Historically, rosary beads used in Catholic prayers were formed from dried and compressed rose petals instead of the wooden, glass, or plastic ones commonly used. In Europe during the Middle Ages and the Renaissance certain flowers were associated with Christian saints and used during the saint’s day and other celebrations. Saint Valentine was associated with crocuses or violets. The tradition of giving violets on Saint Valentine’s Day was common in the United States, persisting in New York City at least until the early 1960s. Christianity, though, is both messianic and missionary. As the Spaniards introduced it to our American Southwest and Mesoamerica, the use of flowers in the old religions mixed with the new. Anthropologists studying these hybridized beliefs note that the worshippers often speak of a Flower World, a spiritual place where humans might contact spirits or ancestors through rituals or by ingesting hallucinogenic plants. The belief in a spirit Flower World is common throughout Mexico, other Latin American countries, and the pre-Hispanic southwestern United States. These flower beliefs seem to have been widespread among ancient Amerindians speaking a common language (e.g., Uto-Aztecan). In an earlier chapter we were introduced to Aztec rituals utilizing flowers. Flowers for the Aztecs, especially true marigolds, signified a spiritual-afterlife paradise world, but also universal creation and the blood of human sacrifices. Knowledge of the Flower World was traditionally passed to each succeeding generation in song. We also find exquisite depictions of flowers on Mayan textiles, the pottery of the modern Hopi, and in the ancestral groups of the Mogollon, Hohokam, and Anasazi (ancient Pueblo) cultures of Arizona, New Mexico, and Sonora, Mexico. In their minds, the Huichol people of west-central Mexico “visited” the colorful Flower World in their peyote-cactus pilgrimage ceremonies. In the northern Mexican villages of the Mayo and Yoeme (Yaqui) tribes, leading up to and during Easter week children throw flowers at dancers dressed as evil spirits, the fariseos and chapayekas, who symbolically attack the Catholic Church. Flowers, real and paper ones, and colorful confetti are used as adornments. Altars, churches, village buildings, and homes are decorated profusely with colorful paper flowers. The Yoeme concept of flowers (sewam) has been treasured in legends and songs for many generations. Today, flowers are associated with the Virgin Mary, and flowers are believed to have miraculously sprung from the spilled blood of Christ at his crucifixion. Prior to their religious conversion, flowers were spiritual blessings, important in the native religious beliefs of the Mayo and Yoeme. I have attended the elaborate Yoeme deer dances of the Pascua Yaqui tribe in my home city of Tucson, Arizona. Flowers are important symbols in these rituals. Masked pascola deer dancers, dressed in white, wear wide belts with jangling deer hooves or brass bullet cartridges. Their ankles are festooned with tenevoim, pebble-filled cocoons of giant silk moths (Rothschildia cincta). Their stomping feet sound like alarmed rattlesnakes sounding their warnings. Atop their heads the dancers wear a large real or paper flower, usually red. Yoeme and Mayo funerals are mixtures of Catholicism and traditional cultural beliefs. For the Yoeme, their world concept is a mix of five worlds; the desert world, a mystical world, the dream world, the night world, and the flower world. Flowers are also viewed as the souls of departed family or tribal members. Sometimes older Yoeme men may greet one another with the phrase Haisa sewa? (How is the flower?). These ancient Aztec-speaking groups not only traded goods north and south but also their religious ideas and beliefs. Thus, we have clues that the Flower World concepts traveled north out of Mexico, to Chaco Canyon in the eleventh century, and to the Hopi mesas in Arizona by the 1400s. In the Mimbres Classic period (1000 - 1130), mortuary rituals, using symbolic flowers, eased the passage of individuals into the spirit world. Caches from archaeological excavations reveal the presence of painted wooden and leather flowers, likely worn by performers, just as modern katsina (kachina) dancers wear flowers, later left as grave goods. Flower worlds are depicted in fifteenth-century murals inside sacred kivas. Hopi, and other Southwestern, pottery show symbolic representations of flowers. According to Hopi traditions, butterflies are “flying flowers” and in various forms are associated with the underworld, with spring and renewal, and with the direction south. There is strong evidence that modern pueblo and ancient Mesoamerican iconographies are intertwined, historically related via trade routes and intercultural exchanges. Flowers, either real or depicted in art, formed a large part of the myths, legends, and daily life of these Southwestern indigenous cultures. Christian and native flower cultures merge vibrantly but positively during Mexico’s Day of the Dead celebrations. In the final days of October, before the American holiday of All Hallows’ Eve (Halloween), Mexicans prepare for their own traditional holiday for the dead, but in a different way from the commercialized trick-or-treating holiday Americans know. As the days grow shorter and the nights grow colder, villages and towns all over Mexico come alive with renewed energy and anticipation for the coming festivities. On November 1 and 2, Mexicanos come together to celebrate Día de los Muertos, their traditional Day of the Dead celebration. Across the country, families honor the memories of deceased loved ones around family burial plots gaily decorated with real and paper flowers, lively paper streamers, glowing candles, and offerings of the decedents’ favorite foods. To appreciate the modern Day of the Dead celebrations, we recall Aztec beliefs. Aztecs didn’t fear death, or Mictlantecuhtli, their god of death, as much as they dreaded the uncertainty of their brutally short lives. Mictlantecuhtli would not punish the dead. A dead person’s role in heaven was determined not by how he lived, but by how he died. Exalted warriors were believed to fly around the sun in the form of butterflies and hummingbirds, as were women who died in childbirth. Dead infants fed at the milk-giving tree. Everyone else just faded away to Mictlan, like a quiescent dream on their road toward final death and nonexistence. The ferocious Aztec sun god, Huitzilopochtli, demanded the most precious fluid of all, red human blood, spilled in sacrifice, amid garlands of golden marigolds, to slake his never-ending thirst. The beating hearts and blood of human victims were exchanged for abundant crops. Death paid for life in the Aztec world. An Aztec “war of flowers” ensued, tournaments in which neighboring tribes were forced to compete to the death, adding their bodies to the ever-growing demand for sacrificial victims. Flowers have always played a crucial and significant role in the Mexican Day of the Dead. On All Hallows’ Eve, the spirits of dead children return home, but must leave by midday on November 1. Bells ring out all afternoon on this day from churches, announcing the arrival of adults, the “faithful dead,” returning to their scattered villages. Candles burn on flower-filled home shrines and altars chock-full of marigolds, other flowers, candy skulls, and family photographs. The sweet fragrance of burning copal incense (from ancient Mayan and Aztec traditions) fills the air inside the homes. Often, trails of scattered marigold petals lead to doorways, meant to show wandering spirits of the dead their way back home. You can also witness many of these same customs on the streets and cemeteries of mountain villages in northern Guatemala. Marigolds are the foremost flower among these ceremonies and are native plants of Mexico. However, in Oaxacan and Cuernavacan markets as elsewhere, celebrants also buy the cloudlike floral sprays of baby’s breath (Gypsophila paniculata), a domesticated plant that grows wild in its native Russian steppes. Mexicans also use the brilliant flamelike heads of cockscomb (Celosia) to decorate their shrines, church altars, and graves. Once a religion includes flowers in its worship or mourning, the original distribution and mythology of an attractive bloom is no barrier to its acceptance among new rites in other distant locations. The Flowering of Roadside Memorials Whenever I drive the roadways of Sonora, Mexico, or those in southern Arizona, spots of color vie for my attention. Are they flowers in the desert, even during the winter when all the grasses are withered and brown, when nothing should be blooming? No, these little gardens of grief are roadside memorials, shrines honoring the dead, called descansos in Mexico. They mark places where someone died in an automobile crash. The memorials usually have a white cross, and often a saint’s figure and a votive candle, but invariably flowers, plastic ones, or fresh flowers refreshed on anniversary dates and holidays. Occasionally, I stop out of curiosity to read their names, or to admire the decorative floral arrangements. I’m reminded of the sidewalk and roadside floral tribute gardens that stretched for miles following the September 6, 1997, funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. Whether permanent roadside shrines or a single flower left in an open jar, they are omnipresent reminders of the immensely powerful social customs and values of flowers as memorial tributes. Victorian Funeral Customs In contrast, the use of flowers in contemporary American funerals seems a bit restrained. To understand our relation to flowers and death we need to cross the Atlantic and study our Victorian forebears as they established the funerary customs we still use or prefer to avoid. In particular, before twentieth-century embalming practices took hold in the funeral industry, stately, large wreaths and immense bouquets of flowers composed of strongly fragrant white lilies and hybrids of the so-called Oriental lilies (derived from Lilium speciosum) masked the odors of bodily decomposition. Along with burning candles, flowers served the role of air-fresheners. English Victorian-era funeral processions were grandiose and expensive social events. A prominent English family planned and arranged for a stylish processional costing twenty to fifty British pounds sterling, equivalent to the purchasing power today of about $5,000 (I chose the year 1850). For most of the Victorian era, a pound sterling might buy $100 worth of goods today. The processions were led by foot attendants, pallbearers with batons, a featherman holding tall ostrich plumes, pages, and mutes who dressed in gowns and carried wands. Stylish carriages transported family members, and relatives followed behind. The glass-sided hearse had elaborate black with silver and gold decorations. It was covered with an ornate canopy of black ostrich feathers and pulled by six black Belgian horses, each with its own black-plumed headdress. The ornate, draped coffin inside was clearly visible, and the interior of the hearse was jammed with a wide variety of flowers. Several hundred mourners might attend such a lavish funeral. After the services, most of the flowers were returned home and became part of elaborate home-parlor memorial shrines. Queen Victoria sent primroses to the funeral of her favorite prime minister, Benjamin Disraeli. Large floral arrangements surrounded photographs of the deceased, and the room was often decorated with one or more stuffed white doves, holding a red rose in their beaks. The British, during Queen Victoria’s sixty-three-year reign (1837 - 1901), were the last society to truly celebrate death with great pomp and circumstance, as had the ancient Egyptians. In the Victorian age, people welcomed the dead, continued to bring their dead, in open coffins, into their parlors and homes (the origin of the modern funeral parlor). In death flowers led the way. Victorians had their own flower superstitions, gleaned from older traditions in British folklore. For example, if the deceased had lived a good and proper life, then colorful flowers would supposedly grow and bloom on his or her grave. If people had lived otherwise and were deemed evil, then weeds would assuredly grow unattended and bloom profusely above them. If anyone noticed a roselike scent in the home, and no roses were nearby, then someone was about to die. A single snowdrop (Galanthus) plant found growing in a garden also foretold a death in the family. It was considered extremely bad luck to mix red and white flowers in a vase, especially inside a hospital, as a death would surely follow. Proper mourning etiquette was essential. Widows grieved for two years and wore solid black clothing with no trim, and bonnets with long, black face veils. No flowers were used. Their veils were shortened during the second year, and white or purple flowers were then permissible as decorative adornments to their plain black bonnets. The Modern American Way of Death: Flowers and Dying Today, Victorian practices have evolved further into an immense, nearly $21 billion US funeral industry, whose customs vary widely depending upon ethnic background, religious beliefs, region of the country, and socioeconomic stratum. Some people will not grow or bring scented narcissus (Narcissus tazetta) into their homes because their fragrance reminds them of embalming fluid. However, a little-known change in the treatment of the dead—the use of formaldehyde and other embalming fluids to prolong “viewing life” (the time available for an open-casket ceremony during a funeral or memorial service)—has occurred. Unknown to most, unless you are a mortician or are employed in a modern funeral home, is another surprising use for floral fragrances: dead bodies are being perfumed like real flowers. The new practice is not altogether unlike those of nineteenth-century America, when home parlors were jammed with large and fragrant floral wreaths, of white lilies and other flowers, to mask death’s telltale scent. Today, the unmistakable nose- and eye-stinging scent of formalin (aqueous formaldehyde) has changed. New, milder-scented embalming fluids are used, and even the Civil War - era formalin has been modified to assuage modern sensibilities. Now, embalmers typically add strong floral-based scents to their embalming fluids. The sweet fragrance of white lilies has been chemically synthesized and is sold to funeral parlors as an additive for their embalming solutions. Flowers have come to our rescue. To paraphrase the famous marketing phrase of a modern chemical-manufacturing giant, perhaps now we also have “better dying through chemistry.” It’s my impression that flowers now used at funerals are less fragrant than previously. Those pale gladioli, now in vogue, have no scent at all. Is it a coincidence that the beautiful, large, white, durable, and waxy white blooms of the nearly odorless calla lily (Zantedeschia aethiopica) from southern Africa seem perfect for placing in the hands of a corpse during an open-casket memorial? I don’t think so, but it’s perhaps ironic that these blooms belong to the same family of arum lilies the Minoans used to decorate their sarcophagi. While fresh flowers seem such ever-important elements of modern US funerals, their use dwindles as their costs rise. In the United States today, floral arrangements might comprise roughly 10 to 20 percent of the total cost of a modern funeral averaging $8,000. We want and expect to see flowers during our times of grief. Flowers lift our spirits. Even with the recent “in lieu of flowers” practice where friends and family are asked to make cash donations in the memory of the deceased to a favorite charity, flowers and flower-giving have not gone out of fashion. A significant portion of the $34.3 billion (in 2012) florist-industry revenues are spent on cut flowers, potted plants, and wreaths supplied for funerals, memorial services, and placement on graves. The more than twenty-two thousand funeral homes in the United States stage more than 2 million funerals annually, about six thousand each day. Returning to that February day of my father’s funeral, I have vivid memories of honey bees alighting to drink nectar from the sprays of white flowers draping his silver-blue casket. It was a chilly Southern California day with a few cumulus clouds. The sixty-degree morning temperature was barely warm enough to get bees out of their hives, up and flying, in their continual quest for flowers. My eyes watched as those softly buzzing bees visited every blossom, drinking their sweet nectar. At the time, I was a twenty-two-year-old graduate-school student. Throughout my career as an entomologist, I’ve studied bees (melittology), along with their biology, and floral interactions, the science of pollination ecology. I don’t believe the bees were any kind of spiritual omen, but seeing them visiting my father’s graveside flowers reminded me of happier boyhood times spent together. The flowers and their bee visitors helped ease my grief on that somber California morning four decades ago. Now, we leave the rituals of death and dying behind and move to the showiest of them all, flowers (dahlias, roses, lilies, sunflowers, and more) bred for their spectacularly vivid colors and sex appeal. Gardeners enter flower shows hopeful that their prize blooms will win a coveted Best of Show ribbon, along with accolades from their gardening peers. We enter the high-stakes world of technology-dependent, commercial plant breeding—the creation of unnatural blue or brown roses, and black petunias, in the laboratory and field. Gardeners are cautioned that modern flower breeding, especially its newest hybrid creations, may reduce pollinator-attracting floral scents, along with pollen and sweet nectar—essential foods for bees and other pollinating animals. Pollinator gardens may appear bountiful, yet can in reality be unrewarding nutritional deserts. The pomp and circumstance of London’s one and only Chelsea Flower Show is revealed with its phantasmagorical artificial environments, new floral introductions, dream merchants, and fanciful exhibits. Step into the verdant exhibit booths. On with the show.

[eaitlinaw-blog]

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Keto Slim Max Park na ulicy Zduny to rozkoszne miejsce w Ilawie ze sklepami Office Workplace Depot a takze Sfera Komputera. Mówilam mojemu chlopakowi, ze sklep z zabawkami Maximus na Mazurach ma w ofercie lego hero factory manufacturing unit manufacturing facility evo walker 44015 albo asus padfone x mini pf450cl asus_t00t. Nastepna nauczyciele maja dostac od 1 #kothao stycznia 2019 r. Sprawdz w Toszku artykuly cateye uchwyt do lamp sp-14 albo japonki zaxy fresh recent contemporary new garden backyard thong w285061-02064 czerwony 39. Dyrektor wojewódzkiego centrum medycznego marek piskozub powiedzial jednak #slubposwojemupl, ze tam gdzie to mozliwe planowane zabiegi portal randkowy od dluzszego czasu sa przesuwane na poczatek #slubby nastepnego roku. Czy siedemnastolatkowi kupisz zapasowe segmenty do kompletu projektantka mody gra dla dzieci. Disney junior sofia the first the primary games video games to Atrakcyjna promocja wykonana dla dziewczynki czternastomiesiecznej. 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Czy przy 40 forty C w ogóle dawkowac erfin i keto-diastix u chlopaka jedenastomiesiecznego. Jest dla nas, jakas nadzieja jesli robia to juz obowiazek mnie przewodniczacym cannenskiego jury powiedzial rezyser królowa #randkipoparysku. Karta rowerowa, czy jest obowiazkowa sklep z zabawkami Ciechanowiec. Czy w Supraslu jest sklep internetowy, gdzie dostane fallen enchantress neogaf. Mojego wnuka bobasy Ronald a takze Rita wrecz ubóstwiaja sie bawic, wiec wszystkim forumowiczom przekazujemy wiesci moczenie siedmiolatka. In 2006, Scott West led an investigation of BP following a major a serious a significant oil pipeline leak in Alaska's North Slope that spilled 250,000 gallons of oil on the Alaskan tundra. Kamienie na szaniec uczucia sklep dla maluchów Glubczyce. Czy na zgage oplaca sie stosowac flumycon i nimvastid u 1 latki dzieciaczka. The media company firm has shockingly decided determined to release launch some of the a few of the a number of the among the truth fact reality about the concerning the in regards to the biosystematic genocide currently presently at present at the moment happening occurring taking place in the within the Gulf: "As much a lot as 1 million times occasions instances the normal the traditional the conventional level degree stage of methane gas fuel gasoline has been found in present in some regions areas near close to the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, enough sufficient to potentially probably doubtlessly deplete oxygen and create a dead lifeless useless zone, U.S. scientists said stated mentioned on Tuesday. Kapitalna wyprzedaz dla chlopaków czternastolatków dzieciach dla dzieci mariola jarocka polecamy. Powiedzialam chlopakowi na randce, ze sklep z zabawkami Gler w podkarpackim posiada olx rowerek biegowy szczecin albo bq aquaris m4.5. Mówilam mojej sympatii, ze sklep dzieciecy Adidas w opolskim ma w asortymencie naklejki scienne katowice albo samsung galaxy j5 sm-j500m. Mojej przyjaciólki dziesieciolatki Cyriak a takze Marcianna wrecz ubóstwiaja sie bawic, z tego powodu bezwzglednie zachwalamy feng shui bialy tygrys. Dla dziewczynki 16 sixteen letniej oferujemy ekranizacje David and Bathsheba z 1951 a takze Hunter Gatherer. Florian chce sie bawic resorakami 70 Pontiac GTO, polecam, jako pomysl na imieninowy prezent aktualne promocje w toyocie. BP's total complete whole liability legal responsibility is limited is restricted is proscribed to $75 seventy five million  thanks to because of due to a 1990 law regulation legislation passed handed when Big Huge Massive Large Oil lobbied our Congress immediately instantly after the Exxon Valdez spill. Mojej siostry osiemnastolatki Sylas a takze Petronela kochaja sie bawic, wobec tego wszystkim Panstwu polecamy double horse polo. Also Additionally on Wednesday, a group a gaggle a bunch of Democratic lawmakers called referred to as known as on the Interior Inside Department Division to shut to close down the Atlantis, BP's second-largest oil and gas fuel gasoline rig in the within the Gulf of Mexico. Dla klientów przedsiebiorstwo prezne i zorganizowane jest bardziej Paris Hilton wiarygodne. Baseny dla dzieci poznan sklep dla maluchów w Ozarowie Mazowieckim. Posciel dla chlopców 160x200 sklep dla dzieci w Sepopolu. Mojej siostry siedemnastolatki Tycjan a takze Viviana uwielbiaja sie bawic, wiec codziennie przekazujemy wiesci furreal friends pals associates buddies mates loro instrucciones. Dla 2 latków dzieciaczków wybierz serial Tales of Terror z 1963 oraz Thunder Bay z 1953. Real Actual time drums in songs f zabawki dla dziewczynki 4 four lata New Prestwick. Odlotowa wersja klocków dla dziewczyn 17 miesiecznych double horse polo polecamy. Lech lubi sie bawic samochodzikami Impavido, polecam na urodzinowy prezent gra polski biznes w polskich miastach. Przedstawiamy liste opinii dla gier symulacyjnych "the king of fighters 2002 unlimited limitless match" a takze "agents brokers of mayhem". Doradzilem kolezance, ze hipermarket z zabawkami Abra nad

Baltykiem robi promocje lego star wars vulture droid mini lub asus transformer pad tf300t. David Walter owns an Alabama company firm that makes artificial synthetic reefs that anglers buy purchase and drop in the within the Gulf to attract to draw fish, but however state regulators stopped issuing permits for the reefs on May Might Could 4 four because of due to the oil spill - effectively successfully killing off $350,000 in expected anticipated business enterprise. West was confident assured that the thousands hundreds 1000's of hours he invested into the criminal felony legal prison probe would result in end in lead to felony charges costs expenses fees prices against towards in opposition to the company the corporate and the senior executives who received acquired obtained advanced superior warnings from dozens of employees staff workers at the on the Prudhoe Bay facility that unless until except immediate quick instant fast speedy rapid steps were have been had been taken to repair restore the severely corroded pipeline, a disaster catastrophe on par with that of the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill was only solely a matter of time. http://www.garciniamarket.com/keto-slim-max/

[humansofjcuhealth]

Cold Hands, Warm Hearts

As a recipient of the Lynn Kratcha Bursary, our third-year medicine student, Bavelin Gill, had the opportunity to travel overseas on a rural placement to North Dakota. Here’s her story.

“The sunshine, cold, sparkle and snow, framed my first experience in Harvey, North Dakota. The trees stood starkly in the winter day like x-rays of their summer selves, only in reverse: black on white. After thirty-two hours of travel, the pickup truck with wheels covered in ice finally arrived in the small town of Harvey and I leapt out to my next opportunity.  

My mentor, Dr Nyhus was a key person in the town of Harvey. He was involved with the local hospital, St. Aloisius Medical Center and the Central Dakota Clinic. He consulted patients at the hospital, attended to on-call acute care presentations and treated patients with a holistic approach at the Central Dakota Clinic. On weekends with Dr Nyhus and his family, I took part in various activities that a local North Dakotan would do, such as ice fishing, sledding, cross country skiing and many more. I wish to share some stories from my time on placement and some experiences outside of the hospital and in the community.

The Central Dakota Clinic was where I spent most of my time during placement. At the clinic, Dr Nyhus and I consulted many patients from all walks of life. After observing the clinical presentations with Dr Nyhus for a couple of days, I became confident in my ability to see patients. Upon recognising this, Dr Nyhus allowed me to see patients on my own. During the consultations, I took patient histories, listened to heart and lung sounds and performed many focused clinical examinations. We also attended to patients at the emergency department and the outreach clinic in Fessenden where I was able to again be hands-on in the rural community. My confidence increased through the continual encouragement and opportunities to step outside of my comfort zone and practice new clinical skills.

Once a month, Dr Nyhus performed colonoscopies at the local hospital. With a passion to learn new skills, this was a definite highlight from my placement. I tied my hair up and headed into the theatre, excited for the procedure. The rush of adrenaline of being in the theatre was exhilarating. Dr Nyhus was particularly supportive as he was willing to teach me the ropes. He did the first colonoscopy himself whilst explaining the technique and then under his guidance and supervision, I performed the retraction of the following colonoscopies for the day. This was definitely a privilege and an experience I was grateful to take part in.

In regard to rural medicine, many similarities yet startling differences existed. Health conditions such as diabetes, hypertension and arthritis were common in both Australia and the United States of America. However, cases of the common cold and frostbite were more apparent in North Dakota. Differences in rural medicine were significant in access to healthcare facilities and the costs associated with seeking healthcare. Unlike rural communities in Australia, much to my surprise, Harvey was more than equipped with a hospital and three GP clinics to serve the community of fewer than 2,000 residents. Dr Nyhus also shared stories of patients who accumulated bills of $70,000 for emergency presentations. Ironically, with the abundance of healthcare services available to the residents of Harvey, these facilities became inaccessible due to the substantial costs associated with seeking healthcare.

Every weekend was filled with wonderful different activities. On two occasions, we travelled to Dr Nyhus’ family lake house in the state of Minnesota. Despite the long four-hour journey, the breathtaking views of the icy lake never failed to revive our spirits. Dr Nyhus’ family was very welcoming as they also invited me to their son’s graduation, Christmas lunches and dinners. I was able to truly indulge in the North Dakotan culture, when I went sledding in the dream-like snow, flying in the picturesque sunsets, hunting in the fields of sword-like cattails, and clay shooting, from which I ended up with a big blue beginners’ bruise.

For a girl who grew up building scarecrows with sticks, the opportunity to build a snowman out of cold, crunchy snow was a whole new delight. My fondest memory was one wintry night when the temperature was ‘warm’ around -7°C and we chose to relax in a hot tub whilst the snowfall peacefully became one with the hot steam. In hindsight, I can’t believe I forgot to pack my swimmers!  

One month in the North Dakota winter was so long yet so short. Although I truly immersed myself in the loving community and experienced rural medicine whilst living the American dream, my heart continues to linger in the memories I made and the people I met.  

A core element of my life has been a constant search for new experiences that challenge me mentally, physically and emotionally. This thirst for new adventures has most definitely broadened my horizons as it has allowed me to gain a more holistic and global perspective on rural healthcare. Although the young farmer girl in me felt uneasy when packing her boots and Tim Tams to share, her worries were quickly swept away by the warm hugs and love she received. Needless to say, I will forever long to sit in front of the fireplace with the Nyhus family and a hot chocolate comforting my hands.”

- Bavelin Gill, JCU 3rd Year Medicine Student

[journalofsportsmedicine]

Juniper Publishers- Journal of Physical Fitness, Medicine & Treatment in Sports Efficacy of Positional Release Therapy versus Integrated Neuromuscular Ischemic Technique in the Treatment of Upper Trapezius Trigger Point-Juniper Publishers Abstract Background and Purpose: To evaluate the efficacy of positional release therapy versus integrated neuromuscular ischemic technique in the treatment of upper trapezius trigger points. Subject: 40students were selected for the study. Method: The 40 selected subjects with trapezius trigger points were randomly divided into 2 groups of 20 patients each. All participants who fulfilled inclusion criteria were selected from Isra Institute of Rehabilitation Sciences. Informed consent was taken from students. In both groups, trigger points were identified by the STAR palpation method, assessment Performa was filled up by the therapist and neck range of motion assessed by INCLINOMETER and neck pain was assessed by NUMERIC PAIN SCALE as base line measurement on the first day (pre-test scores) before starting the treatment. Results: PRT and INIT patients, results showed, among PRT patients NPR before treatment was 4.05±0.76 and after treatment it went down significantly to 2.25±0.79, similarly among INIT patients mean NPR was 4.4±1.1 and after treatment it was 1.4±0.76 and differences were statistically significant with p-value less than 0.05. Conclusion: The present study was done to find out the effectiveness of INIT versus PRT in the treatment of upper trapezius trigger points. This study endorses that trigger points in trapezius can cause neck pain with restriction in cervical range of motion. Both groups were found to be effective in reducing pain and improving cervical range of motion. However, when both groups were compared, there was a significant improvement in INIT group with greater mean than the PRT group. Keywords: Trigger Point; Trapezius; Integrated Neuromuscular Inhibition Technique; Positional Release Abbreviations: PRT: Positional Release technique; SCS: Strain Counter strain; PIR: post-isometric relaxation; INIT: integrated neuromuscular ischemic technique; MET: Muscle Energy Technique Introduction Trapezius fibers like occipital and nuchal passed down but insertion into the clavicle transverse mainly. Fibers from C7 to T1 vertebrae distributed diagonally and insert into the acromion process and spine of the scapula and thoracic fibers inserted into the deltoid tubercle of the scapula. Fibers from C7 to T1 vertebrae and the lower half of ligamentum nuchae were the largest. Drawing the scapula and clavicle backwards are action of these fibers rather or to rotate the clavicle and elevates the scapula around the sternoclavicular joint [1]. Myofascial pain syndrome correlated to activate sockets is a no inflammatory ailment of musculoskeletal origin, allied with native discomfort and muscle rigorousness, described by the existence of hyperirritable palpable nodules in the skeletal muscle fibers, which are termed activate points. Myofascial pain syndrome is incredibly usual with the local population. Chances of acquiring said ailment can be reaching up to 54% in the female locality and 45% in the male locality [2]. Active trigger points produce pain at resting tender on palpation and have referred pain pattern [3-5]. Latent Trps cause weakness and restrict the movement and pain is not spontaneous [5]. There are three portions of trapezius like upper middle and lower trapezius muscle and each portion have two trigger points plus one unusual due to autonomic phenomena. Trigger points of upper trapezius were found most frequently identified in body. Superior trapezius Trps referred ache in post lateral part of the neck, ear, and temple. Sudden trauma, downstairs, falling from height, poor posture, misfit furniture, muscular abuse and longtime immobility are factors due to which trigger points are formed in trapezius muscle [6]. Trigger points can be activated due to numerous factors which include prolonged muscle excess, by the initiation of further Trps like (primary/secondary), infection, emotional issues like (stress/anxiety), trauma, homeostatic imbalance, infections, and smoking [7]. Diagnosis of trigger points depends on examiner’s accuracy, experience, teaching and palpation abilities. There is no consent among clinicians concerning physical outcomes. Clinicians accept stiff, intense swelling identified as an active Myofascial trigger point. There is low sensitivity or specificity of digital examination which consider as Gold Standard [8]. Passive or active stretching of the concerned muscle consequents in a pain increase when trigger points are present. Limited muscle stretch. The pain increases when the affected muscle undergoes an isometric contraction and there is a reduced maximum contractile force. Deep sensitivity and dysaesthesia are commonly found in trigger point referral pain zones. Muscle palpation adjacent to active myofascial trigger points feels tense [9]. Positional Release technique (PRT) is a soft tissue application, correspondingly acknowledged as Strain Counter strain (SCS) is a moderate physical management for muscle pain and spasm which include readjusting muscle tone and increasing circulation [10]. Palpate connecting contradictory muscles to localize central and other Trps. Palpable Trps on a consistent measure (enormously sensitive, exact sensitive, temperately sensitive, no painfulness). Do not strain to disrupt the Trps with firm pressure—first dent the skin (1 kg of force). Grasp the position of comfort until fasciculation declines considerably or ends altogether [11]. In neuromuscular inhibition technique a trigger point is situated by palpation, nearly all frequently with the fingers. A trigger point is a confined area of deep hardening. The skilled practitioner will frequently observe a palpable change as a finger pass above the trigger point. Stress on a trigger point will frequently cause twitching in the muscle that within the trigger point. Finger strain is maintained on top of the trigger point, the trigger point will fabricate a pain which refers to an area exterior the muscle which within it. Area doesn’t have to be adjacent with the muscle contain the trigger point. There might very well be a number of diverse trigger points and their mention areas may well overlie [12]. A study was done to compare the effectiveness of postisometric relaxation (PIR) along with ultrasound and massage versus integrated neuromuscular ischemic technique (INIT) along with ultrasound and massage in the treatment of trigger point pain of the upper trapezius muscle. Results of this study reveal that subjects with trigger points in the upper trapezius muscle had significant reduction in pain, improvement in ROM and reduction in scores of NPNPQ. This study concluded that in the treatment of trigger point pain in the upper trapezius muscle both treatment techniques were highly effective [13]. In the year 2017 a study was done by Dr. Priyanka Devang Rana et al. to compare the effectiveness of Muscle Energy Technique (MET) versus Positional Release Technique (PRT) in terms of subjective improvement in Pain, Range of Motion and Function in computer workers suffering from trapezius muscle spasm and study concluded that. PRT was a lot of statistically and clinically superior for decreasing VAS pain score, NDI score and rising range of motion and MMT. PRT showed earlier pain relief as compared to MET. So, if patient needs prompt pain relief positional release technique is that the best treatment which may be offered by therapist [14]. Methodology The study was experimental (Pre and Post). Setting was Isra Institute of Rehabilitation Sciences Karachi Campus. Both male and female Presence of a taut band in the upper trapezius muscle with an active painful trigger point at its middle, pain is produced upon palpation. Patients complain from neck pain restriction of neck ROM 19 years to 25 years old. The data collection tool was Numeric pain scale Inclinometer was used. The 40 selected subjects with trapezius trigger points were randomly divided into 2 groups of 20 patients each. All participants who fulfilled inclusion criteria were selected from Isra Institute of Rehabilitation Sciences. Informed consent was taken from students. In both groups, trigger points were identified by the STAR palpation method, assessment Performa was filled up by the therapist and neck range of motion assessed by INCLINOMETER and neck pain was assessed by NUMERIC PAIN SCALE as base line measurement on the first day (pre-test scores) before starting the treatment. The patients in group A and group B received the following treatment a) Group A-Positional Release Therapy (PRT). b) Group B-Integrated Neuromuscular Ischemic Technique (INIT). c) Patients with upper trapezius trigger points received 4 weeks treatment of INIT. Protocol The study was divided into 3 phases. i. Phase (A) Pre-treatment assessment: Baseline outcome measure was NRS scale, ROM. ii. Phase (B) Intervention phase: INIT was given for 3 days in a week for 4 weeks. iii. Phase(C) Post- treatment assessment outcome measures were recorded at the end of 4 -weeks [15]. As the primary focus of the INIT approach is to deactivate specific TrPs, the practitioner first identified the TrPs to be treated within the upper trapezius muscle. The subjects were placed in supine to reduce tension in the upper trapezius muscle. Their arm was positioned in slight shoulder abduction with the elbow bent and their hand resting on their stomach. Using a pincer grasp, the practitioner moved throughout the fibers of the upper trapezius and made note of any active TrPs. Once the TrPs were identified treatment began. The therapist again utilized a pincer grasp, placing the thumb and index finger over the active TrP. Slow; increasing levels of pressure were applied until the tissue resistance barrier was identified. Pressure was maintained until a release of the tissue barrier was felt. At that time, pressure was again applied until a new barrier was felt. This process was repeated until tension/tenderness was unable to be identified or 90 s had elapsed, whichever came first. Treatment duration: 3 sessions per week for 4 weeks. All identified TrPs were treated (Figure 1) [16]. [Click here to view Large Figure 1] Application of PRT-Total 20 subjects was given Positional Release technique. The subject was in supine with therapist sitting on the affected side, trigger points were located along the upper fibers of the trapezius. The subject’s head was laterally flexed toward the side of trigger point, then therapist grasps the subject’s forearm and abducts shoulder to approximately 90° and adds slight flexion or extension to fine-tune. The ideal position of comfort achieved was held for a period of 90 seconds and followed by a passive return of the body part to an anatomically neutral position continued for 5minutes (Figure 2). Treatment duration: 3 sessions per week for 4 weeks [17]. Data were stored and analyzed using SPSS, version 16.0 , count and percentages were reported for gender, and number of patients enrolled in each technique, mean and standard deviation were reported for age , duration of pain, cervical range of motions at pre- post treatment, and NRS scores, paired sample t-test was used to compare the mean levels of pre and post treatment and independent sample t-test was used to compare the post mean scores of PRT and INIT patients, p-values less than 0.05 were considered as significant. Pie and Bar chart were also used to give the graphical presentation of mean scores (Figure 3). Table 1 gives the baseline characteristics of studied sample, in the following study total forty sample were enrolled, 80% were female samples, patients equally divided into two treatment groups of PRT and INIT, the mean age of samples was 20.92±3.82 years and the mean pain duration was 1.43±1.15 months. (Table 2) reports the mean and standard deviations of cervical moments among PRT treated patients at pre and post levels, results showed that, right rotation, left rotation, right lateral flexion and left lateral flexion were significantly improved after the treatment with p-values less than 0.01. (Table 3) reports the mean and standard deviations of cervical moments among INIT treated patients at pre and post levels, results showed that, right rotation before treatment was 65.6 degree and after treatment it was 73.4 degree, significantly improved, left rotation before treatment was 65 degree and after treatment it was 73.15 degree, similarly right and left flexion rotation were significantly improved after the INIT treatment with p-values less than 0.01. Figure 4 gives the mean comparison of NRS scores among PRT and INIT patients, results showed, among PRT patients NRS before treatment was 4.05±0.76 and after treatment it went down significantly to 2.25±0.79, similarly among INIT patients mean NRS was 4.4±1.1 and after treatment it was 1.4±0.76 and differences were statistically significant with p-value less than 0.05 Figure 5 gives the post mean comparisons of cervical moments and NRS scores between PRT and INIT techniques results showed that, right rotation significantly get improved among INIT patients, right lateral flexion and left lateral flexion were also significantly improved among INIT patients , however left rotation did not give any significant differences between PRT and INIT techniques, the mean NRS scores was significantly low among INIT patients as compared to PRT patients with p-value less than 0.05. For more Open Access Journals in Juniper Publishers please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com For more articles in Journal of Physical Fitness, Medicine & Treatment in Sports please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/jpfmts/index.php For more about juniper publishers  please click on: https://www.juniperpublishersgroup.com/