#c: legally considered an ocelot

[transxfiles]

lost phineas and ferb episode where perry is called to investigate what dr doofenshmirtz is up to because carl the intern got ahold of some intel that doof has been seen speaking to lawyers and looking up the endangered species act at internet cafes and as major monogram says, "something fishy is going on"

meanwhile phineas and ferb's subplot of "i know what we're gonna do today!" is that isabella needs her environmentalist fireside girls badge so they start researching which species are in urgent need of help in the tri-state area so that they can use new cloning and gene therapy technologies to bring at-risk animals back from extinction

(yes there is a c-plot where buford and baljeet argue the ethics of this idea, i don't have time to explain it all for you rn)

we cut back to🎵doofenshmirtz evil incorporated🎵where we see perry carefully maneuvering around doofenshmirtz's lab scared he might fall into a trap but he hasn't set off a single booby trap and it's clear something is off

he runs into doofenshmirtz and goes to kick him in the gut action movie style but doof steps back one overly confident and says, "nuh uh uh, you see perry the platypus, you are TRAPPED! by the danville section of the endangered species act of 1973!"

doof goes on to explain his tragic backstory: "you see, perry the platypus, when i was a child my parents did not show up for my own birth! but you know that already, yadda yadda yadda they did not love me and then they loved roger more, ANYways i was raised by ocelots! i had a lovely foster mother who took me in and made me one of the pride, and so you see, perry the platypus, i am still legally considered an ocelot. did you know that there are only 50 recorded ocelots still alive in the continental united states? very sad for me as a member of a near-extinct species. it would be immoral for you to hurt someone critically endangered... in fact, you have made many attempts on my life this summer"

[montage of doof's security camera footage of their battles]

"which is why i have decided to bring you... TO COURT!" we cut back to phineas and ferb's back yard where they've decided to start cloning ocelots in their kiddie pool

candace storms outside enraged and says, "phineas and ferb are you cloning ocelots in my duckie momo kiddie pool!?"

ferb's one line of the episode is "well, i guess it's more of a kitty pool, now"

candace storms away saying, "i'm going to tell mom!" and isabella turns to phineas and says, "oh, does your mom have experience in wildlife conservation?"

we cut back to the doof and perry plotline where the two are now in the danville hall of justice and we learn that doof has spent his monthly alimony check on a defense lawyer and perry turns and sees the lawyer and then vanessa helping her organize her briefcase and perry chitters at her and vanessa shrugs and says, "i'm thinking about going into legal defense. sorry perry."

the rest of the doof and perry b-plot is spent in court and perry is about to ask for a public defense lawyer when carl runs into the room and explains that he's owca's official legal defense and perry looks at him like, "uhhh is that even allowed?"

it doesn't matter because apparently the judge is out sick today but because it's danville roger's the judge now because he's the mayor and everyone loves him.

the court case continues.

meanwhile phineas and ferb have successfully cloned multiple ocelots from the original ocelot dna they had on hand and isabella asks phineas if these clones will experience health problems like premature aging, phineas casually explains that ferb figured out the problem while they were experimenting with stem cell harvesting.

back in the courtroom, doof's ocelot foster mother has been brought to the stand along with an ocelot to english translator. doof gets emotional seeing her after so long. she says that he was one of her favorite child and he was as strong a hunter as anyone else in the family. it's incredibly sweet. the jury's in tears.

meanwhile, isabella has established connections with a group in texas who are going to release the ocelots back into their natural habitat and, using the cloned ocelots to prevent inbreeding, help establish an ocelot breeding program. the group explains that they are going to send a helicopter to retrieve the cloned ocelots from danville and bring them to texas soon.

isabella gets her fireside girls badge.

candace manages to get mom to see the backyard only after the ocelots have been helicoptered off to coastal texas, their primary habitat.

mom makes it into the backyard as phineas stares wistfully over the fence and says, "if you love something, you have to let it go." candace goes, "look mom look look look!" and points at the ducky momo kiddie pool, devoid of cloned ocelots, where baljeet and buford are now chilling out, having settled their philosophical debate about the ethics of animal cloning.

back in the courtroom drama, doof looks like he's about to win when an attendant walks into the courtroom and whispers something in roger's ear.

roger looks up, grinning, and says, "good news, everyone! my attendant here has just enlightened me that ocelots are no longer considered critically endangered!"

this settles the case, with perry being decreed not guilty and the entire affair being called off. the courtroom cheers, roger walks over to doof and personally congratulates him on his species' return from the brink of extinction.

doof shouts, "curse you endangered species classification system!" at the ceiling of the danville hall of justice.

perry arrives back home just in time for mom to say, "who wants pie?"

the end.

[danvilleiisms-blog]

Pokemon Verse Headcanons

Region: Trista (try-stay)

OWCA primarily hires Pokemon as their agents.

Heinz Doofenshmirtz of Team Luvmuff was raised by Liepard as a child after being disowned by his parents, making him, legally, a Liepard.

Orton Mahlson is the creator and star of the Dr. Magnezone series (thank you @themurphyzone for that concept!) and also the Gym Leader in Balsawood City.

Martin’s main Pokemon is an Absol that he’s had since childhood, and he gifted one of said Absol’s pups to Milo when he turned 10. This tradition continues in the Poly Murphy verse, as Chance was also gifted an Absol when he turned 10.

Elliot Decker is a local crossing guard in Coyomarsh City, which is just adjacent to Danville Town. His main Pokemon is a Watchog that he raised from a Patrat.

Scott the Undergrounder keeps mostly Ground-type Pokemon, living off wild Rattata in the sewers. Though, he also has a Miltank named Mildred. He is sometimes called up to be a substitute Gym Leader in Jesong Town, where the local Pokemon school is.

Kyle Drako is a Dark-type specialist, though his main Pokemon is a Crobat. There is some speculation among the students at the Pokemon school that he’s actually a vampire.

Daniel Block is the enigmatic leader of the Time Travel Bureau. Not much is known about him by the public, but his temper is something to be marveled at. Nobody really knows how someone with such a hot temper managed to raise a Riolu into a Lucario... but little do they know said Riolu once belonged to his partner, the late Anthony Mahlson.

[danvilleiisms-blog]

Loab is adorable, lookit him scooting over after Cav was hit by a bus.

[danvilleiisms-blog]

"I'm more of the taking revenge and kicking ass type then taking over the world type. That's your thing isn't it?" petalsxfallen for dr. doof

“I guess so– though the world is still a bit too ambitious right now. I’m starting small, trying to take over the Tri-State Area!”

[danvilleiisms-blog]

🎯 (ALL OF THEMMMM)

BUCKLE UP FOLKS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG RIDE! (will tag as “long post ///”) In alphabetical order:

Anthony had a designation when he was forcibly drafted as a child soldier. To his superiors, he was just “17 Alpha”. But he never forgot his name, no matter how they tried to beat it out of him.

Block thinks that to truly experience a movie, you must witness it for the first time in a theater. Hence, why he traveled back 6 months to see a movie he missed instead of simply buying it on whatever digital media they have in 2175.

Bob considers himself a decent cook. He and his wife Diana would trade-off who would cook dinner, but after her abduction and memory-wiping, he had to pick up the responsibility full-time. Lately, though, he hasn’t had the time to be home for dinner, and just makes the meals in advance and leaves them in the fridge for his son.

Carl is trans, and in addition to saving up for college, he’s also saving up for top surgery. Once Monty puts the pressure on his father to actually pay Carl, and make him an official employee, his surgery’s actually covered by the OWCA’s insurance.

Chance, similar to Dakota, doesn’t like flan. Though, he actually loves fish, especially fish sticks dipped in mustard. You can make faces all you want, he doesn’t care what you think of his food. As long as you don’t try to steal it.

Dakota’s shades are a comfort object for him, as he’s worn them ever since he was a kid. When he was younger, he was much more sensitive to light, and that’s why he wore the shades then. Now he’s just gotten so used to wearing them that even when the light isn’t bothering him, he feels naked without them.

Delaney is terrified of buzzing, stinging insects. Wasps especially. One time she nearly got in trouble with Mr. Block because she crashed her time vehicle because a wasp got into the cabin. It didn’t help that she nearly kicked the door clear off in her attempt to escape the thing.

Dr. Zone meets an agender pianist named Aron during his travels, and the two of them end up becoming quite closely bonded. Even when his adventures take him lightyears across the universe and millennia through time, his heart always brings him back to Aron when all is said and done. After the events of Professor Zone and Adjunct Faculty Member Zone, Hankry needed a safe haven, and Aron certainly gave him that.

Doofenshmirtz is a very tactile person, but if someone expresses their discomfort with him touching them, he makes a good effort to restrain himself. It doesn’t always work, though– and with a case like Major Monogram, when he knows it’s not a sensory thing but just an animosity thing, he will deliberately pester them.

Mr. Drako’s father was a full-vampire, and is still alive, but his whereabouts are completely unknown to Kyle. He left as soon as Drako was old enough to take care of himself, and he hasn’t seen him since.

Elliot wears his sunglasses because of severe photophobia– even dim indoor lights can cause him physical pain on his bad days, so he wears the sunglasses almost constantly. Whenever he has a meltdown, reading through his EMT and survival manuals repeatedly can help calm him.

Leopold is the third in his line– that is, the third Leopold to exist. He’s a clone, genetically copied from the original Leopold von Speedwell. He was not raised by that Leopold, however, but by the second, who trained him practically from birth to carry on their villainous legacy.

Martin is not quite as hardy as Milo is when it comes to Murphy’s Law, and sometimes lets fear get the better of him. There are a few things he downright refuses to do because of Murphy’s Law, and roller-disco dancing was one of them. Another is monorail maintenance– and he refuses to speak of why. There are some things you just never unsee.

Major Monogram doesn’t like how Carl sees him as a father figure– especially after he realizes how he’d been pushing Monty towards his own dreams rather than letting his son do what he wanted. He sees too much of his own father in himself, and that’s not something he thinks Carl should look up to. He is making an effort to change, though, in hopes of becoming a father that Monty and Carl truly deserve.

TW: self-harm, attempted suicide implied

At one point in his life, Orton nearly succumbed to severe depression, but thanks to timely intervention by his maid and hospital staff, and an alarming headline that resulted in hundreds of thousands of letters from concerned fans being sent to him, he managed to pull through. Nowadays, he makes regular PSAs on the importance of mental health, and tries to ensure that nobody feels like they have to endure it alone.

TW OVER

Savannah came from the MP Timeline, just like Block and Dakota did. However, because she wasn’t part of the team deployed to change the timeline, she only has a few residual memories of that timeline. Perhaps it’s for the best that she doesn’t remember it in its entirety– at least she doesn’t have to remember her parents being slaughtered in the streets.

Scott doesn’t have pajamas. He just sleeps in his everyday clothes, boots, helmet and all. Drako doesn’t allow that when he sleeps over, though, and enforces a rule that Scott must remove his boots and helmet if he intends to share a bed with him. Scott’s fine with this, he just doesn’t feel the need to take them off when he’s on his own.

[danvilleiisms-blog]

"What are you going to do after you take over the tri state area?" ebcnylead for dr. doof

“Well, I–”

“…I actually haven’t thought that far, but I’m sure it’s going to be evil! Everyone will bow down to me!”

@ebcnylead

[danvilleiisms-blog]

Overworking Expectations

cont. | @shattcredhearts

Heinz lowered the cobbled-together device slowly, quirking an eyebrow at Herbert. “What do you mean, I haven’t even told you what it does yet! I mean, i know it’s...” He glanced at his watch. “Four in the morning, but I really think I’ve hit a stroke of brilliance this time! Besides, I need to be on my game if I’m going to be Professor Time someday!”

[danvilleiisms-blog]

tag dump - heinz doofenshmirtz