#c: fifteenth doctor

[spiteslucanis]

but did you die.gif

[thebadtimewolf]

can we point out that 15 in one ep did what martha did in s4 and sat a tennant doctor down to talk out their trauma and then she left them alone with a donna behind to have her own adventures or are we gonna ignore that...

im just saying 15martha is coming

[starleska]

did anyone notice the horned/pointy-eared, fanged face on the chalkboard of the room the Toymaker was keeping poor Charles Bannerjee in? 👀 although it could just be something silly and creepy, i think this is a compelling bit of evidence towards the Toymaker's influence on Fifteen's first series. to me, that drawing looks like a goblin...and i think what Fifteen said about '...the Toymaker's domain still lingering' is completely true, and it isn't just for a few seconds!! i've talked a little bit before about Fifteen's season tending more towards fantasy elements, and him seemingly preparing to face enemies who use alternative types of science and physics...what if the Toymaker's legions are indeed all of the fantastical monsters we're going to meet throughout this season?

[serpercival]

Ncuti. Ncuti, do you have the hots for Jon Pertwee. You can answer honestly this is a safe space

[quietwings-fics]

memory, held again

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandom: Doctor Who Ship: Gen (Fifteen & Twelve) Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s14e08 Empire Of Death (Doctor Who), Timeline Shenanigans, Mentioned Susan Foreman, Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who) Wordcount: 848 Summary:

The Doctor goes back for something he lost. No. Not her. Not yet. But as close as he can manage.

Prompt:

"12th & 15th, 15th seeking comfort in his past, which is not the right place to do so. Don't really have to make to NSFW if you don't want to."

He does- He means to-

But how can he? What can he say to Susan, after all this time? When does ‘I’m sorry’ even begin to cover it?

There are two options: either she’s alive and alone in the universe without knowing it, and his life hasn’t destroyed hers anymore than it did from the moment he shut her out. Or. He’ll go looking for his granddaughter and find a grave. He doesn’t think he could survive either of those options. The loss of a planet, of half the universe, is almost great enough to withstand. The loss of a friend has always been what undoes him. And to lose Susan, to not let her exist in nebulous safety beyond his view-

He means to, and his course takes him somewhere else. The TARDIS thrums with gentle scolding.

He ducks his head out into a familiar office. He remembers the smell of this place most clearly, weighty with age and knowledge. Another breath, and he realizes there’s another scent, an amalgamation of oil and food that Bill could never scrub off, especially when she tended to come straight here as soon as she was free. He’s walking through memory, and it makes him dizzy.

Or, maybe that’s the timelines crossing. Probably that, he tells himself, as he lingers a moment longer with his eyes closed to take it in.

He crosses the room to his old desk. It’s a little jarring to see two TARDISes sitting beside each other.

(He freezes, hand on the desk, and raises his gaze to the older TARDIS. Behind it. Searching.

There’s nothing there. Death undone is undone through all of time, reverberating back and back. He doesn’t think about every trip he took Bill on, doesn’t think about skin and bones turned to sand-)

He picks up his old picture of Susan just as he walks in through the door. The Doctor has always had a sense for dramatic timing.

Missy was right about the eyebrows, he thinks, despite himself.

“Put that- down.” His younger self begins to snap before the sparking dissonance of their time streams hits him. He takes one look at the Doctor, at the frame he’s holding onto like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded, and says, “Don’t tell me you lost it.”

The Doctor looks down at Susan, the memory of her bright smile caught forever. “I… can’t actually remember if I did.” It wasn’t like he’d ever flown back as his next self. He would have had to face how empty this place was or the Vault below and all its failures, and he can barely stand it now.

“Because if you did,” his younger self continues, “now you know why.” The Doctor laughs.

“It isn’t stealing if it’s mine.” He pauses, still smiling, words kept locked behind his teeth when he so badly wants to say, I need her more than you.

“It’s a bad habit.” The other Doctor looks at their TARDISes, sitting side by side. The inevitable question is coming, he can feel it, and he holds Susan’s picture to his chest like it can shield him. He hears himself say, so long ago and not nearly long enough, “Is Bill still traveling with us?”

“No.” He can’t lie to himself. He’s terrible at it. He watches his younger self’s face fall, concluding as he must with how much grief he knew in this life and the last- It’s something the Doctor can’t stand to see, and he continues, “She’s happy. I hear she has a new girlfriend.”

“Finally,” the other Doctor says. “Someone good for her?”

“Don’t be overprotective, she’d- She’ll hate that.” The slip-up gets him narrowed eyes, so he keeps talking to avoid discussing the details of Bill’s situation. “We even introduced them, technically. You’ll see. You like her.”

He watches his younger self weigh pushing for more information against knowing how hard it is to get it from himself. In the end, he takes the good news for what it is.

To be honest? The Doctor’s more glad he didn’t think to ask about Missy’s progress.

“You can take it,” the younger Doctor says. “Better we both know where it is rather than forget it here because we got stranded on Mars or-”

“Oh, yeah, that does happen later.” His younger self isn’t even surprised. “I’d warn you more, but-” He makes a gesture that he hopes encapsulates ‘the delicate state of time will destroy your memory of this encounter anyway, so I can’t tell you in detail how to avoid becoming me. Not that I would, I think, because I like being me. Despite it all.’ It’s more of a hand-wavy thing, but he’s sure, being himself, he got the gist.

“Keep her safe?” the younger Doctor asks. He doesn’t hold out his hand—he wouldn’t—but the older Doctor wouldn’t take Susan from him without giving him one last look. He watches his eyes memorize every detail of her smile in the past before handing her picture over a final time.

“I’ll try,” the Doctor promises.

(Enjoyed it? Any interaction is welcomed. You can even support me on Ko-Fi <3)

[journeyinc]

In old school Call of Cthulu, they just used the, what's it called, DSMV? of the time, for the list of insanitys. So, included on that list was homosexuality.

Which means seeing Cthlulu could just make you gay.

Feels smiliar

I very much buy into the headcanon that The Doctor's sexual orientation changes with regeneration but at the same time that is such a funny idea. Imagine surviving a near death experience and suddenly you like men now.

[hxlcycnx]

Closed Starter || 15 and Mavi in Volantis

“it’s hotter than the hells out here.” the doctor wasn’t usually one to leave himself so exposed, but the heat was so intense that clothes just left him feeling miserable. he chose to forgo the shirt and dip in the water for a bit, nevermind the danger that might be in the waters. “come on in! the water helps, and it’s not too deep. i promise it’s better than out there.”

@wiishfvlthinking

[indigosabyss]

so the story of nanbaka pre-canon is... fucking insane. and given that some details were obviously not fleshed out at the beginning, I'll try to boil down the important bits:

(Obvious nanbaka spoilers under cut)

Rokudo is several hundred years old, awakening togabito without a care.

One of the people he turned into togabito is Mutsuki Mashiro (aka the Man With The Scar), granting him the ability to transfer thoughts and memories.

Mashiro became obsessed with the potential of togabito, envisioning a world where they reigned supreme.

He extended his life by creating a clone of himself and transferring all his mind into them, and then repeating the process once the clone has aged too much.

This process is repeated at minimum 115 times.

In his extended life, Mashiro gathers more togabito into the organization Shiki, and carries out experiments.

Also in this time, he has a daughter somehow called Touko.

This daughter grew up, fell pregnant after some sort of tryst with Rokudo, and then died mid-pregnancy

Mashiro (being a very normal guy) decides to clone Touko and implant memories and sensations to rebuild her to the exact state she was in before she died, with the goal of getting Rokudo's kid

This experiment failed fourteen times

Simultaneously, one of the clones Mashiro is using to extend his life has become an anomaly.

Clone Number 116 becomes the first Mashiro Clone to have an ability different from Mashiro's. He can create handcuffs and chains.

Because of this anomaly, Mashiro doesn't take over C#116, instead saving him for further research.

The fifteenth version of Touko is introduced to C#116, who gives him the name Hiiro.

She tells Hiiro that she loves him. He specifically calls the love between them romantic. (Yes, yes, I know)

Touko dies. On this fifteenth attempt, her son survives. (This our main character)

For the first six years, Number Fifteen is raised by Hiiro, who was entrusted with his care by Mashiro

Isou (the Shiki doctor) experiments on Number Fifteen, gathering data on his development and powers

By the age of six, Number Fifteen still can't speak.

A more pressing concern is that Number Fifteen's arms have a tendency to fall off. His body is constantly falling apart due to him not having any attachment to his body.

Number Fifteen is an empty container in the shape of a human; unable to recognize that he is alive.

Because he has as much attachment to his own body as he does with a random wall, he can also assimilate random walls into his "body", hence allowing him to listen in on Mashiro, and to share that with Hiiro.

Isou and Mashiro are disappointed with the lack of data from Number Fifteen, and consider storing him away and trying to clone Touko a sixteenth time.

Hiiro is reeling from the shock of Touko's replicability. In the panic, he yanks Number Fifteen at a force that would regularly have his leg come off.

However, the leg remains sturdy.

One of Hiiro's shackles have latched onto Number Fifteen's ankle, and held it together, giving the skin a better complexion.

Hiiro places Jyugo's thick black shackles around his ankles, wrists, and neck. This results in suppressing his ability and granting him awareness. His first words are: "Who are you?"

(Also. This all might have been happening in the window of time between World War One and Two???? But maybe they're just ignorant of world events w how old they are)

Mashiro creates Elf, a togabito capable of curing any disease, while also seizing control of the target's body by replacing all its cells.

Elf cells are injected into Jyugo, with the intention of taking him over.

Mashiro reveals that Hiiro's ability changing to suppress abilities means that Jyugo has the secondary ability to mutate other togabito's abilities; and he wishes to research this.

He also wants Elf to try and break down Hiiro's shackles from the inside of Jyugo's body.

Hiiro runs away with Jyugo

Mashiro vows to find them.

Hiiro goes on to form Kaazu, an international organization in charge of managing prisons.

This is to promote the incarceration of togabito, to then channel them from all prisons into one maximum security prison called Nanba Prison, to kill the creatures that Mashiro held to such high regard

Shiki starts to target unusual people in prisons, too, taking advantage of the disenfranchisement of felons like Hiiro is doing too.

At some point, Jyugo meets Nico, Uno, and Rock for the first time. This encounter ends with his death(?)

Hiiro crafts Nanba to be as interesting and amazing as the real world for Jyugo.

To put off the progress of Elf working through Jyugo's body, Hiiro wipes his memories. This is done multiple times over, with the help of Nishimiya.

He recruits Jyugo's near-killers into supporting him as they went through prisons, until they're finally transferred to Nanba.

Rokudo is still wandering around, now guarded by a Shiki bodyguard.

And from there the manga starts!!

[legok9]

Titan Comics

The Fifteenth Doctor #1 (of 4)

Writer: Dan Watters, Artist: Kelsey Ramsay, Colourist: Valentina Bianconi

On sale June 26, 2024

Join the Fifteenth Doctor in a new comic book adventure! The Fifteenth Doctor and RUBY SUNDAY have followed a mysterious signal to a shopping mall in the last days of Earth. It's sure to be a trap, but to find the source, The Doctor must face his greatest fears…

COVER A by Stanley 'Artgerm' Lau

COVER B Photo Cover

COVER C by Joshua Swaby

COVER D by Christopher Jones

COVER E by Alex Moore

[an-american-whovian]

'Dot and Bubble' in a nutshell.

spacism?

[denimbex1986]

'Doctor Who just delivered what equates to a series finale with "The Giggle," taking fans on one last incredible journey with the Doctor before ushering in a new era of the franchise. As the third and final 60th anniversary special, "The Giggle" carries the weight of bringing David Tennant's story as the Fourteenth Doctor to an end and kicking off the long-awaited introduction of Ncuti Gatwa as the Fifteenth Doctor. With Gatwa's first full episode as the Doctor coming in a few weeks on Christmas Day, "The Church on Ruby Road" will serve as a soft reboot for Doctor Who.

With that in mind, "The Giggle" really does feel like the end of an era for the franchise that came before it, calling back to both the very first episode and multiple key moments in the Doctor's life since. More than once during these anniversary specials, Donna (Catherine Tate) has asked the Doctor (Tennant) why this face came back. As she mused in "The Star Beast," with both of them believing she was dying, it's clear now that it came back to say goodbye, not to Donna but to the rebooted series itself, with showrunner Russell T. Davies bringing Tennant and Tate — one of the most beloved Doctor/Companion pairs in the franchise — to give the show a proper send off before stepping into what comes next.

Simultaneously a breathtaking ending and a beautiful beginning, "The Giggle," is Davies at his best. This episode is both terrifying and hilarious. It's heart-pounding and emotional to watch the Doctor face his oldest adversary while he fights to protect the people of Earth that he can't help but love despite never being able to say the words. "The Giggle" has something for everyone, with reunions and references that will delight fans of classic Who and just as many for those who've only seen the newer iteration. And for those who haven't seen either, the audience is still given enough information to know exactly why these moments are so emotional.

Russell T. Davies Takes 'Doctor Who' Back to Its Roots in "The Giggle"

The episode opens with a flashback to the advent of television, a variation on the real story, with a genuinely ominous performance from Neil Patrick Harris as the Toymaker. With a creepy puppet, feeding off of John Logie Baird's desire to entertain the world, the Toymaker sets in motion a very long game for the human race, and a direct challenge for the Doctor back in the present time. Shortly after the events seen at the end of "Wild Blue Yonder," the Doctor and Donna find themselves in the middle of pure chaos, with every living person thinking that they're right at the expense of both themselves and everyone around them. Following a lovely reunion with UNIT leader Kate Lethbridge Stewart (Jemma Redgrave), the Doctor and Donna get brought up to speed on what's happened to humanity in their absence — in short, everyone's gone mad.

At UNIT HQ, the Doctor is treated to yet another reunion with the return of classic Who companion Melanie "Mel" Bush (Bonnie Langford). For those who don't know, Mel was one of the sixth and seventh Doctor's companions, appearing in 20 episodes in the 1980s. She ended her time with the Doctor of her own volition, heading off to have her own adventures among the stars. It's such a sweet moment, and as a brilliant computer programmer, Mel plays a crucial role in the episode and the goings on at UNIT, setting her up for a recurring role in the new season with the fifteenth Doctor. The team at UNIT has developed a device to keep their brain activity under control, but without it, regular humans are sent into a frenzy that they can't control. Luckily for Donna and Mel though, their time in the TARDIS naturally protects them.

In addition to weaving a compelling high-stakes narrative for his characters, Davies also takes the opportunity to make some truly remarkable social commentary in this episode. Since its inception, Doctor Who has always been a clever allegory, with stories that bring awareness to issues of race, gender, capitalism, and climate in a way that, for some is hard to swallow, but is always necessary to hear. Davies has woven such commentary into each of these specials so far, laying out clear support for the LGBTQ community (of which he's also a part). Now, in "The Giggle," he addresses politics, anti-vaxxers, our dependence on technology, and the simple folly of the human ego. And while the Doctor doesn't shy away from any of the darkness dwelling in humanity, he also notes that this doesn't negate our goodness, the desire to be better, and the worthiness of our continued existence.

David Tennant and Catherine Tate Deliver Knockout Performances in "The Giggle"

"The Giggle" puts the Doctor off balance, striking fear into the near-all-powerful being in a way that he rarely experiences on screen. Tennant delivers another incredible performance, taking the Doctor through the full gamut of emotions. Terrified by turns and filled with unbridled rage fueled by that fear, Tennant imbues the Doctor with unprecedented vulnerability, as he confesses to Donna that he's truly out of his element this time. Ever the empath, Donna recognizes that the Doctor has pushed down years and years of feelings that he needs to address, urging him once again to take a break. As he fights to keep it together, taking on the burden of the hero once again, Donna helps him realize that he's not only not alone, but he's never alone when she's around.

There's a reason that Donna and the Doctor are a fan-favorite duo in the franchise, and for the third episode in a row, Tate and Tennant prove that it largely comes down to the way they play off each other. Donna is one of the best companions, because of her incredible integrity and her ability to see straight through the walls the Doctor surrounds himself with. Differentiating Fourteen from Ten, Tennant allows the Doctor to accept that Donna sees him, while in the past he's always tempted to push other companions away for their own good, now, he lets Donna in. Both Tennant and Tate — and Donna and the Doctor — bring out the best in each other, making each other better.

They don't do it all alone this time though, and each of the supporting actors in this episode brings the caliber of their performance up to the level it needs to be to hold their own against these two. Harris is, of course, a stand-out as the Toymaker, bouncing seamlessly between accents as he gleefully delights in his twisted games. Well-established as a comedy actor, Harris gives The Toymaker a very natural sense of humor, as the role requires an air of playfulness at its core. However, he gives the Toymaker a level of menacing gravitas underneath, indicating how serious a threat he truly is to everything the Doctor loves and all the rules he holds dear. Harris and Tennant's chemistry is pure animosity in such a way that brings the audience to the edge of their seats with every interaction.

The Toymaker pushes the Doctor to the brink as he taunts Donna with the fate of the companions who came after her and the Flux, answering the questions left lingering at the end of "Wild Blue Yonder." Davies immediately chases that emotional climax with one of the most outrageous scenes in the franchise. Backed by the iconic Spice Girls track, "Spice Up Your Life," the Toymaker turns UNIT HQ into his playground, chaotically dancing around and flaunting his power right in the Doctor's face. It's equal parts camp and chaos, with an emotional undertone that grounds a scene that would be completely ridiculous out of context. It's in all of these moments that it's clear that "The Giggle" was crafted with such love for Doctor Who and all the wild impossible tales within it. This series is as silly as it is serious, and Davies' commitment to that is beautifully executed in this episode.

"The Giggle" Welcomes Ncuti Gatwa With Open Arms and Gives David Tennant a Worthy Send-Off

As the Toymaker's game reaches a fever pitch, the Doctor gives him one final chance to leave humanity alone and take his games back to the stars. He offers the same thing he always offers the Master, a chance to run away together and leave everyone else in peace. But, in true villain fashion, he refuses. Before the Doctor can challenge him to the final game in their best-of-three match, the Toymaker demands to play the next game with the next doctor, shooting Tennant's Doctor square in the chest with a space laser. As the Doctor begins to regenerate, golden light streams from his hands and face as he prepares to say goodbye. The moment is as tense and emotional as Doctor Who has ever been as Donna and Mel rush to his side, refusing to let him die alone. The funny thing is, he doesn't actually die at all. For the very first time in Doctor Who, the Doctor experiences bi-regeneration. Instead, of changing his face, the Doctor splits in two, with Gatwa appearing with pure gusto and delight. Together they defeat the Toymaker, but before Fifteen sets off on his next grand adventure, he insists that Fourteen finally rest after thousands of years of running, and that's exactly what he does.

The Fifteenth Doctor is incredibly charming right from the jump, grinning and relishing his new body. It's impossible to watch the end of this episode and not be wildly excited about Gatwa's turn as the Doctor. His Doctor is filled with a sense of joy, and he has a tenderness about him that will win the hearts of fans in an instant as he reaffirms the Doctor's love for past companions like River Song and Sarah Jane. Imbuing both the past and the future with so much love, Fifteen ushers in a new era of Doctor Who that should have everyone excited about what comes next. The Doctor, who has spent so many years filled with regret and self-loathing, finally gets to take time to heal and learn how to be loved, giving his future self the sense of self-love and vulnerability he'll need to keep going.

Meanwhile, Donna and the Doctor finally get their own happily ever afters as Fourteen settles in with her family, presumably for the rest of his life. Rather than the tragic heartbreak of their last goodbye — as beautiful as it was — the Doctor finally comes home and gets to be part of her family, while Donna gets an exciting new job at UNIT to spend the rest of her days with everyone she loves. It's a little bit saccharine, but it plays out with grounded performances from Tennant and Tate who, with tears in their eyes, make it feel entirely earned. This Doctor finally gets to rest as the next boldly goes on saving the rest of the universe.

Rating: 9/10'

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The World Famous Semi-Quotable 2023 Quotedown Quotetacular (NSFL)

The following is created from encounters from many friends and loved ones over the past year. And it is my honor to say... READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. === Y'all know what this is... We've done this 21 times before... Here comes #22.... ... as we proceed... ... to give you what you need... ... 2023 QUOTE WALL, LET'S GO! === “Happy 2023! Everything has been perfectly fine the first 2 minutes. Don't screw it up for the rest of us over the next 364 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes.” -Klaussie

“We won the game. You get a prize, honey. And here is mine!” -The Fifteenth Doctor

“You did the first good thing of 2023. Now you have 364 days to fuck it up.” -Jay “And you know I will…” -C “Multiple times over.” -Jay

“Looks the same, but all the racehorses are one year older.” -Joe T.

“I think Will’s favorite line is “it feels good to be a gangsta” … every time he helps a perp walk.” -Bing

“On New Year's Eve, everyone says that they support you when you fall. On January 2nd, the only thing that's going to support you when you fall is the floor.” -G.

“ I can smell your throat and want to murder you every moment of the day… Romance.” -Shannon

Gordon: BAD BAD PLANT! Jason: I have to report it to PPS Gordon: PPS? Jason: Plant Protective Services Gordon: He's so bad

“The things I miss when I go to bed at the crack of 10.” -C

“Printer + Edge of Table = Always Trouble.” -Hollywood

“So I've been downgraded from hated to just disliked. That's progress.” -G. “Listen… if you don’t go out and get your Monday… somebody else will.” -Miss Sarah

Gordon: You want to see Scream 5? Carlos: I live in your apartment. I think that movie is not gonna scare me

“All hail the Mighty Pop-Tart!” -Hirsh

Gordon: My plant pooped a $100 Money egg. Chico: Hope you wiped afterward. Gordon: Always

“He showed talent, which disappointed me.” -Jay

“You know these are people you want to work with when we are not just talking about The Joker's Wild, but The BILL CULLEN version of The Joker's Wild.” -G., geeking out. “You’re working with keepers.” -Chico “"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" That's cute and all but have you ever had street tacos while drunk at 2am sold by a nice old Hispanic lady saying "¡Qué lindo! ¡Estás demasiado flaco! ¡Come más!"?” -Kim

“Covid Rica.” -G.

“And now here is your deep thought for a Friday. The first person who ever saw a parrot talk was probably not OK for quite some time afterwards. Think about it.” -Brian

Keep the masks on! -G. I was in the bathroom -Bowler You don't pee through your nose -G.

Get me a ferret or I will cut your balls off - Carlos

I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally create a User Access Denied page to block me from working -G. ...Or did you? -Boss “FAA had to unplug it and then plug it back in again.” -Heather

“Nothing left to do but throw it out into the universe in the hopes that NMRK course-corrects.” -C

“Listening to country music and sitting on a bed of nails must be similar experiences.” -Sarah

“I’d rather roll in honey butt naked and sprinkle sugar all over myself before jumping on an ant nest the size of a Walmart before ever wanting my baby daddy back. I barely wanted him the first time!” -Jenn

“YouGov paid for my last pair of AirPods, and I’m sure they’ll pay for my next pair as soon as I lose these.” -John Lang, Audit the Audit

“Don't forget the rings. You know what finger they go on, right?” -Carlos “Yes, they are right next to the F*ck You Finger.” -G. “YES! Ha ha ha ha ha ha” -Carlos “Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox” -Carlos

“On a side note, I got the lewdle quicker than the wordle, which should surprise no one.” -G.

“O Canada, je suis la jeune fille.” -Statboy “He spoke French, but he’s not French. He’s American!” -Brian

“If you can eat it and like it, I'll be moving towards getting the sponsorship. If it kills you, then I won't.” -G.

“And now the 49ers are in a dire situation at QB… and wait, something’s happening in the stadium tunnel.. good God that’s Colin Kaepernick’s music!” -Mark Ellis

“No one likes Butt-Ass Naked Lanes.” -Panther

“My plant has the munchies.” -G.

“That hairstyle was a choice.” -Brian

“Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.” -George W.

“We may have a bigger bunch of haterade next week.” -G. “I'll bring the Church Key.” -C

“Can’t play Lingo without my lucky balls.” -RuPaul, host of Lingo

“Come. Let us play night.” -C

“When you’re in the toilet in Scotland, the smell of cow shit and horse shit overpowers the smell that any human can produce.” -Q

“I'm a stay at home pro bowler.” -Charles K. “You're a stay at home cabbage.” -Justin K.

(Watching Meta taking a Dive) JD Witherspoon somewhere is laughing sipping some tea. -G.

“Herb Abrams! HE FAT!” -C “Next time you're about to complain about cancel culture just remember that a man who is currently under investigation for attempting to overthrow the United States government just got cast as like the Happy Li'l Slice o' Cake on The Masked Singer.” -Dave Holmes

“Can a Game Show stop a Civil War?” -Dave Statman

“Nestor Cortes is on the 15-day DL.” -Greg “Oh, that gives him 15 days to go molest somebody.” -Klaussie

“We’ll get started once we figure out what all these wires do!” -Cory

“What the hell is this nonsense?” -Jordan, on a Dook sweater in the Dean Dome

“Not this game show shit again.” -Carlos.

“Let’s take their Chinese balloon money.” -Jay

“Shut the front door!” -Q “The door is firmly shut. And bolted.” -cruise director Lee

“Kath & Kim… and the Power Rangers Razzle Dazzle Show!” -Klaussie

“A mountain is only unclimbable until it’s climbed.” -Q

“It’s only a Champagne Ranger if it comes from the Champagne region of the Morphin Grid.” -somebody re: Russell Curry’s Cosmic Fury costume

“There is no saving throw for bullshit.” -someone at Jay’s D&D.

“If you are showing any foul play, you will be sent to your dressing room. And if it is really dirty, you’ll be sent to mine.” -The Governess

“No spoilers! I don’t want to know how it ends! Oh wait…” -Paul, re: the HQ Trivia doc

“He couldn’t have been more open if he was wearing a neon sign that said ‘Throw it to me, you idiot!’” -Brian

“Tomorrow's going to be a real banner day for Rich People Who Like Wearing Fancy Hats to Things.” -Kit, on May 6

“Applebee’s food is piss. Even the Hooters we have is slightly better.” -Carl “That’s because Hooters piss is $2.50.” -Kim

“Student: "What's that (you're eating)?" Me: "Prosciutto wrapped around mozzarella cheese." Student: "What's prosciutto?" Me: "A kinda-salty, kinda-fatty ham, just like me." Student is dead.” -Klaussie

“That was uncomfortable. I enjoyed it.” -Jay

“I’m not ashamed. I’m a gentleman. There’s a difference.” -C

“This car is on firrrrrrrrreeeeee!” -G

“What is it with animals and me and shit?” -Q

Jay; “yeah that means…” C: “I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS JASON!” -subject; Bad Bunny’s “Titi Me Preguntó”

“Dad humor numbs the pain.” -Swoop

“Who shot Lee Harvey Oswald?” -Quizmaster “THE CIA!” -… somebody.

“K-LOVE… Imagine what would happen if Great American Family was a radio station.” -C

“TL;DR: Arte Moreno is a cheap, money-grubbing piece of shit.” -JVG

“I’m In Denver for a few while I make my connecting flight to Atlanta. And I’m not gonna lie to you the thin air at this altitude is starting to get to me… for starters, I’m beginning to think this unicorn named Sylvia that I’ve been talking to for the last 30 minutes isn’t real.” -Brian

“Ahh Facebook, still can't tell a joke from your own assholes, can you?” -Justin

“The Giants can have a hot chick as a quarterback and still fail to score.” -G

“My brain is not braining right now…” -everyone.

“You can tell the writers are on strike because you’d never put a hurricane and an earthquake in the same episode.” -Buzzy

“Because Pete Davidson is a man-whore, that’s why.” -Tom

“If I have to ride my autodrafted fantasy team’s ass with a known sexual deviant to the finish, so be it!” -Jay

“New York is the greatest city in the world. Toronto isn’t even the greatest city in Canada.” -The Professor

“Swifties could find Emily Miscavage.” -Emily

“WLTI has been brought to you by Outside your Bubble Burst. Watch JD Witherspoon and others notate on the demise of Facebook and Spotify. Very. Very. Slowly.” -G.

“It's a cross between a Jackson Pollack painting and a Quentin Tarantino movie.” -Evil Travis

“They look like rabbits who have been through some shit.” -Caitlin

“Whoever dances to Beauty and the Beast gets an unfair advantage. All they have to do is recreate the ballroom scene. And they get votes! Dance to the Gaston song. Everyone hates Gaston. Turn that into a dance that gets you votes.” -Q

“Have you ever considered using your gifts for good?” -me after Q pretty much nails how to use “Beauty and the Beast” as an advantage on Disney+ Night of Dancing With the Stars.

“Dangerous fluids everywhere.” -Jay, on Megan’s house

“If you work hard as a kid, you will play hard as an adult. If you play hard as a kid, you’ll end up working hard as an adult.” -Q

“Boy Zaxbys just out here saying to hell with all y’all.” -Big Rick

“My plant is bloated.” -Gordon “It needs an enema.” -J Block

“If I wanted a slide, I would have written in a slide!” -Heather

“You cheerin’ like you gon’ git some of this Whammy money. Girl, bye.” -Q getting WAY TOO INTO a Press Your Luck rerun.

“Now I do NOT recommend you do this but…” -Ken “That’s a green light if ever I saw one!” -C

“Look for the Technicolor yeti.” -Erskine

“(In my best Craig Ferguson voice) Did you guys hear the news, apparently, Tom Brady has decided that he’s going to become a minority owner of the Las Vegas Raiders! I know! And the two are very different of course. One of them is a football institution whose fans are some of the most annoying, sycophantic and overbearing in the world of professional sports, who has been hyped up to hell by people despite success eluding them in recent years, and many people are annoyed by how they skate by on previous success despite many recent failures. And the other are the Las Vegas Raiders.” -Brian

“Nobody wants a WEBP file. I repeat: NOBODY wants a WEBP file. WEBP's own mother doesn't want a WEBP file. If WEBP was an ice cream flavor it would be Moist Gym Socks. If they ever make a movie about WEBP it'll star Dane Cook, Amber Heard and a 3D hologram of Richard Nixon. Go away forever, WEBP format.” -Justin

“Bryce Young is ass.” -Daniel

“Viva Mark Mothersbaugh.” -Tommy

“Sometimes it's a W. Sometimes it looks like a W but it's only 2 crooked L's” -Chris 'Strike Tyson' Schenck

“The mystery is… How does Gritty take a piss?” -Klauss “Sam has done something no one has ever done before! They ate at Cook-Out… sober!” -Cody Dove

“Roosevelt won us the war, but Marshall won us the peace.” -Q

“He still has a whole ass empty hand, quit whining sir.” -Rooks

“BTW - this game is going to be as painful as putting your own junk in a vice grip.” -Jay

“Even though this has been a real pain in the…” -Susan “… TUCHUS.” -C

“Everyone in McKinney is dead. It is hot in McKinney.” -Pete Delkus, on a heat index of “101,105”.

“…stank.” -Brian

“‘Yesterday’s price is NOT today’s price.’ -Fat Joe” -Zenith Ranger & dead ringer for Obama Russell Curry

“Hello trouble!” -Sav “Hello trouble!” -Julia

“Duck Mycinko.” -Ben Potter “Brian Bumblepiss.” -Peter Austin “Hot Fresh Science Fox.” -Ben Potter “Ashton Catthews”. -Peter Austin “And… Billy Ray Walrus.” -Both -TripleJump’s Worst Games Ever

“Life’s too short, so don’t waste time on nothing but the good stuff.” -C

“All this talk about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie but no one ever fights about whether The Hunt for Red October is a Halloween movie.” -Cara

“Stairs. They’re the tweaker’s natural enemy.” -C

“Those edibles ain’t shit!” -Christian

"i like a good, firm banana" - @BenHigginsSD

“I am Allstate and you are in good hands!” -Q, with a snap and a head bobble

“I’m going to the loo.” -Zoombelina “Make sure you use the toilet!” -The Boss

“… you guys have any Anacin?” -C “What is this, Bill Cullen’s The Price Is Right?” -Jay

“WHO IS HEATH LEDGER?!” -TJ

“If you've lived in New York, being an a-hole is a requirement.” -G.

“Spam is just pantry wagyu.” -Alvin “Heck of a Hill to Die on But Whatever” Zhou

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “But I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.” -Jordan “But I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “Will someone go to the bathroom?” -C

“I have a shameful confession to make. I get Alan Tudyk and Paul Bettany confused. I'm not proud.” -Jonathan

“Can someone tell me what channel the Taylor Swift game is on?” -Cindy

“Laughing for “Our Lady of Perpetual Tournaments” and because my parents are going to be REJOICING.” -Jenny & Chelsea re: J!

“But Chico…. Chaos is good!” -Q

“I’ve Got a Secret. Hosted by Kanye West. The game no one wants to play.” -G.

“My family now refers to me as Chaos Auntie.” -Wingo

“Day 1 down and no one wants to kill each other. Yet.” -G.

“To be the only carrot in a room full of hungry rabbits.” -Q

“So I went from leaving last night to 3 meetings and a great adventure trip. I completely expect to hear from tbs today and if you've seen everything everywhere all at once I expect my fingers to turn into hot dogs.” -G “So a typical morning then.” -C “Yup.” -G

“What happened in Florida, Whitman?” -Greg

“Third down and Roger Goodell’s penis.” -Jay

“McKeever, McIver, MacGruber, MacGyver. Whatever.” -C, trying to pronounce the name of the actress who plays Sam on “Ghosts”.

“You: “Bowls are meaningless now!” Bowls: “It is now time to sacrifice the mascot so that the victors may enjoy their spoils.”” -Joe Ovies

“We're going back home because the Uber Driver is the worst.” -Carlos (Gordon changes the station) “Who changed my music?” -Carlos “The Worst Uber Driver in the World.” -G.

“That was his throwing ankle!” -Brian

“If you have sex with Godzilla, you'll need more than a pill to protect you...and your city.” -Nikki

“Gonzaga is Gonzarbage.” -Daniel

“Elon is proof that nobody can ever have everything. No matter how rich, powerful, or smart he is, he'll never actually be the one thing he wants to be: funny.” -Chelsea

“Show the buzzer kindness, and the buzzer will respond in kind.” -Ben Ben

“Politics is just show business for ugly people. -some guy idk” -Jonathan “J Aubrey” Aubrey

“… why they always gotta have their shirts off?” -Pierogi “Sampson County smells like Darth Vader’s farts.” -Q

“Carbs oh how I missed you.” -Jay

“$5000 says Cat Stevens gets the chair.” -“Pete Rose”, 2004

“All the trivia nights we’ve been to, and you remember the one where Quisla brought up Pokémon-inspired sex positions.” -C

“I’m just gonna bleep the bitches because it’s funnier.” -Greg

“My sensors are detecting a vibe.” -Alpha 9 (Richard Horvitz)

“Brain Return on Lane 41.” -G.

“The people who watch The Bachelor for drama watch NASCAR for the wrecks.” -Jay

“An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar… The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." You're welcome.” -Blish

“Meetings, meetings, meetings.” -Carlos “Welcome to America, the land of meetings.” -G.

“This April, you will know his name. You may not be able to spell it, but you will know it.” -C re: Brian

“You're full of Moo Poo.” -G.

“The cheek! The nerve! The audacity! The gall! The gumption! The Aggro-Crag-sized global guts on you!” -C

“I'll take dumb people who should be strapped to a nuclear warhead for $1,200, Mayim.” -G.

(Watching Jeopardy) “I hate this shitty program.” -Carlos (Ed: get out)

So playing Jeopardy: Fish or Foul for $200. The Answer: Where Foul Go to stay for the night. The Question: What is Chicken Inn? -G. That’s 🥚-zactly the spirit! -Dave S.

(Quisla eats a basket of French fries while waiting to pay for them…. Then looks at Chico’s basket of fries… which also haven’t been paid for.) Q: “You gonna eat those?” C: “MINE!”

“BEHOLD… THE DECABOX!” -VRM

“And that Travis is getting too much TS lovin’.” -J, re Travis Kelce

“I’m in Dunkin getting a coffee and this lady is trying to start a Christmas Carol singalong. Girl, if you don’t sit your Disney movie ass down somewhere!” -Bruce

“I just saw an ad on NBA TV for a podcast with Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley. Paraphrasing... Barkley: I want to get an M tattooed on each butt cheek. Johnson: Why? Barkley: If I'm standing up, it says MOM but if I'm standing on my head, it says WOW.” -NBA on TNT

““Callahan! That 34 Oz. Hickory bat you’re swinging is against regulation! In this clubhouse, we do things by the BOOK!”l -Brian, on Willie Stargell looking like every cinematic police chief.

“I’d like to recommend reading the Up With People Wikipedia page as a lesson the subtle art of criticism.” -Muffy

“Can’t spell Dallas without two straight Ls.” -BFG

“Can we stop saying the word ‘buttcheeks’?” -Eli Manning

“Give this man a Sharpie.” -C to Brandy re: new hire, channeling his inner Black Panther.

“‘You sure you don’t want me back?’ I will write it in blood if you need me to.” -Q, re: Jenn’s baby daddy quote

“So apparently I found out that our new son tried to burn down the apartment, which at least would stop you from complaining about how messy it is.” -G.

“Watching this Mar a Lago speech is worse than drinking unflavored Trilyte colonoscopy prep & when you finish the gallon they bring a beer bong w/6 more gallons for you to consume while listening to your uncle w/dementia & halitosis muse about the raging dysentery he had in Korea.” -Mattie Timmer

“$50,000 for a helicopter ride? For $50,000 it better transform into a Gundam.” -C

“Isaiah Pacheco does his shimmy. It drives the women in Kansas City crazy!” -Brian

“What were you doing on your birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “What was I doing on my birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “So what are we doing here on vacation?” -C “Talking about working.” -Teddy

“Enjoy Drake Maye stinking it up in Arizona.” -Greg

“Fortune favors the bold. And the chickens who maintain the inn.” -G.

“Muffy Marracco: Helps You Get Drunker By The Hour.” -Muffy

(Planning Bowling matches) “We're matchmakers now as well lol.” -Rudy F. “Which one of us is Tevye?” -G.

(Wearing a brown wig) “It's not TV, It's Wiggyvision.” -Douglas H.

“What oil pattern is this?” -Joe P. “This is the famous Oil of Olay pattern.” -G.

“Let’s rush’em! They can’t stop all of us!” -Q

(After getting Jasser a sandwich instead of what he wanted) I ask for Chetos. You get me a sandwich - Jasser Chetos in Spanish means Cheetos. It does not mean Sandwich -G. Si -Jasser (scowling) “The Word of the Day is Banhammer.” -Nick G.

So you want a little of everything -G. Yes. I want a smorgasbourg. I want a Smorg. -Lauren R.

“I have no idea what is going on, and I am here for it anyways!” -Carl K.

“Man, I REALLY hate those Pfizer ads…” -Ian

“I got nothing, but hey, I’ve got a lot of it!” -Jill

“Hi Ted, Ron here. Listen, I know how tempting it is to appeal to the real lowest form of humanity here in the United States, the bottom feeders, people who pride themselves on hatred and un-education and inability to read and inability to understand the difference between true patriotism and the bulls*** you’re selling. I know how tempting it is to play to those people, because at least you have a base, but Jesus Christ Ted, for somebody with a really, really small d***, you get to be a bigger p***k every f****** day. Go f*** yourself.” -Ron Perlman to Ted Cruz.

“Is Austin Reaves the best undrafted player of all time?” -somebody on Twitter. “Ben Wallace won Defensive Player of the Year four times and is the reason Kobe & Shaq didn’t win four. This app needs an age limit.” -Somebody else on Twitter

“Do I want to sleep to Special Forces or do I want to sleep to Baltimore/Cincinnati?” -G

“Wanna try street hockey?” -Jordan “I gotta pee first.” -C

“Somebody hit somebody!” -Brian

“I am about ready to trade Drew Lock for a reconstituted and reanimated Sean Lock. It could scarcely be any worse.” -Evil Travis

“Debate: Does Yoda sound more like Grover or Miss Piggy?” -Dane

“NFL uses CONFUSION! It’s super effective!” -Tom

“This is how riots begin.” -Robin

“Hey! Tom Brady… We don’t believe you.” -Jay

“That man is gonna move to the Triangle and bring every convo you have with him back to the fact he’s from New York and that you can’t find any good takeout around here.” -Joe Ovies, re: Tommy DeVito

“Programming note… the CFP show will air upon the conclusion of the basketball game featuring Fuck U and Tossoff State.” -C

The most frustrating part of hoping to get a phone call from a number you don't know: You have to answer EVERY call and suffer through every robocall and solicitation. -Sonic Whammy I'm sending you every single Car Insurance Warrantee call that comes my way, just to let you know 😃 -G. Gordon Pepper I'm touched -Sonic Whammy

“Latte - $5.00. Bottle of Water: $40.” -Richard Barone

“Quisla, stop turning off the television!” -C

“No… also no.” -Victoria “The Queen” Groce

Give these steps a go for me please -Worker Doing that now...I'm getting a picture of an apple and no loading bar -G. If you’re still holding the keys you can let go and see if the loading bar appears after -Worker Nope. Still the apple menacing me lol. Thoughts? -G. You mind sending me your Mac serial number? You should see it in very very tiny print on the back -Worker If you tell me that It's a demon MAC possessed by goblins and I need to leave the house immediately. I could believe that -G. At this point I think that’s the only logical conclusion -Worker

“Predetermined Bullshit. The latest fragrance from Calvin Klein.” -C

“The first steel coaster was opened in 18-rickety-dickety-doo.” -Chris aka Airtime Thrills

“I don't follow enough sports to properly complete this joke but "[INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE] is looking as useless as a back button on Facebook today".” -Terry

“This song has an instruction to "Think Dolly" and feels the need to explain who Dolly Parton was. HOW DARE YOU. I blame the young people.” -Heather

I need Chicken -Jasser

“Lydia’s animated. Quisla’s animated. Get’em together, it’s the Cartoon Network.” -C

Ezra Miller, who was a contestant on Jack Black's 'Jablinski Games', is playing a new game called 'Why am I in your Bedroom?' -G.

“Great effin’ job, Al, on that call with all the enthusiasm as watching a janitor mop the floor at McDonald’s at 3 in the morning.” -Greg

“So I just had a rep from SiriusXM call me to sell me radio. I bought a new car recently. Of course it comes with a 3-month trial, and I love it. I try to explain to her that I work in REAL radio, terrestrial radio, local radio, actual RADIO radio. She’s trying to tell me how streaming is so much better… THAN WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ….bitchgetoffmyphone!”- Miss Sarah

“Fancy hotel shower.” -Q

“I’m a benevolent quiz overlord… not like those bastards at Jeopardy!” -Buzzy

“i look forward to everyone in my hometown reacting to this in a completely civil manner, with no anger whatsoever!” -Jordan

“Barnacles.” -Paul

“I don't like strikes. They are bad for you.” -G. “Just make your spares, Gordon.” -DouglasVision

“Gordon bowls? I've never seen Gordon bowl.” -Brandon B.

“I take one whiff downwind of the cafeteria and I thank every god in the multiverse that I have brought my lunch today.” -C

“We’re putting a helmet on RJ.” -Jordan

“I can't make strikes!” -G. “We know you can't make strikes. There's something wrong with Gordon.” -Douglasvision

“You broke him, Kimberly.” -C “Sucks to suck.” -Kim

“In addition to a quote wall, I think a wall of AI images is needed. The world needs 7-finger McLean Stevenson.” -Klaussie

(Carlos walks in) Gordon: I'm teaching Jasser English. Carlos: eh? Gordon: Agua Jasser: Water Gordon: Leche Jasser: Milk Carlos: My turn. Gordon: Ok Carlos: Fuck me in the Bathroom Gordon: (Faceplant) Carlos: Fuck me in the kitchen Gordon: Jasser, no digate nada Carlos: Pierro is a Cum Whore Jasser: Pierro is a Cum whore Gordon: (Faceplant) Jasser: Que? Carlos: Pierro gusta luche para mi chorizo a se boca Jasser: Ah Pierro: Jasser, repita por favor: Carlos is a nasty bitch Jasser: Carlos is a nasty bitch Gordon: Dios mio.

“Plot twist: the cat is the actual "Person of the Year". So all the haters can quit their seething now, kthnxbye...” -Dane

“The real Daily Doubles are the friends we made along the way.” -Emily

“Friday is Leg Day, as in put those legs to work by getting 3 dozen donuts.” -Klaussie

“I'm mad Gordon cashed in the tournament. (Bleep)” -Douglasvision

“I regret emotional investment.” -everyone experiencing disappointment and having seen Strange Planet.

“You needed to be here to ride coasters with Danielle because that's a hell no from me.” -Jordan

“Bobby Hill is a Disney Princess confirmed.” -Chelsea

“(The Shark Tank Sharks’) ‘success rate' at funding successful companies is at best comparable to the batting average of below-average baseball players.  They get lucky and confuse it with acumen.” -David B.

“Riverside, motherfucker!” -Carl

“I’m sorry, but even inside a store… With the factory seal still on… I refuse to believe there’s cookies in this tin. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues.” -Brian, on Royal Dansk cookies

“Ending of UNC vs. UVA providing drama on @thecw I haven't seen since Gossip Girl went off the air.” -Joe O.

“Nick Adams, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!” -Tom

“The Titans wearing throwback Oilers uniforms against Houston feels so wrong.” -Jay O’Brien “Peak petty.” -LaKedra

“I’m on pins and needles to see if you bought this!” -Jess, re: Brian’s Danish cookies

“I would’ve been better if the person I was bowling was a righty like myself. But noooooo Gordon Pepper was on a better side. The left side. The not so used side. Good job Pepper. Hope you take home the cheddar as in Moola.” -Elijah B.

“The internet was doing so well with the submarine memes, and then I saw that.” -Klaussie, re: Dunkaccino

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it’s covered in cheese.” -C, on breakfast casseroles

“Makumba!” -Carlos

“"Well, it's-- Ah, you wouldn't be interested. It's too lowbrow." "No...I'm QUITE lowbrow."” -Brian

“This is a pretty blue car...” -Car Insurance Agent. “Well it was a pretty blue car. Now it's a pretty blue accordion.” -G.

“If Bob Iger were to purchase the WWE, it would make it officially a Mickey Mouse organization.” -Klauss

“Fook.” -G.

“I am officially "ooh, who knew LL Bean had such nice things" years old.” -Wingo

Why are the lanes so dry? Who oiled them? -Bradley E. It was supposed to be the Tin Man from Oz, but he needed the oil more -G. That explains everything -Bradley E.

“Interesado -Mike D.

“I try not to take too much stock on what people say on social media because Twitter is the mark of the Beast and I refuse to go to Hell for my job.” -C

“I apologize for being over-the-top obnoxious. I only wanted to be semi-obnoxious but I got carried away.” -G.

“No money, no honey.” -Jasser

From the creators of 'Why am I in your bedroom?' comes the new game show called 'Why am I hitting you with a chair?' -G.

May we all strive to be 😎 better than Ezra. - Doug M.

“My commencement speech: if you're a gorgeous 20-something... get you some ugly friends. B/c their reality is your future. You need to prepare for a time when you're not getting all the world's favors. Now I'm not saying these friends need to be butt ugly. But they need to be avg enough that they've had to a) develop layered personality b) have some shrewd sense of how to operate in the world c) been mistreated enough that they have thicker skin d) have perseverance and know how to bounce back from the world judging them by their book cover. We all get less attractive as time goes on, but do you have a beauty retirement plan? As I get older I'm meeting more and more former playboys and faded hotties who are bitter, confused, and totally unprepared for not getting the free drink from the bartender and the extra guac on their taco. They didn't have a beauty retirement plan, and it's rough out there. Bikini cute is just a short minute. But the future always belongs to the plain-looking, middle child wearing boxers and New Balance sneakers. Look at Silicon Valley, look at DC, look at who runs the world. It isn't Fabio.” -Aurin S.

“We need to go to Fright Fest so I can feed you to the zombies.” -G.

"In 2020, Madison Cawthorn became the youngest Republican elected to Congress in American history. In 2022, he became the youngest Republican to lose re-election to Congress in American history," -Ben Collins

“Stop acting like a psychotic Oompa Loompa.” -G.

“I’m doling out truth bombs! Who wants to get blown?!” -C

“FAT FUCK MAGIC!” -Jay re: the Detroit Lions

“Chatting on Facebook - is that part of the work you do?” -Carlos “Why yes. Yes it is”. -G.

“Quisla Quisla Quisla Quisla… the vacation… begins in your mind… before you EVAH leave the house.” -C

“Guess who blew me off for Valentine's Day.” -Lisa D “I'd rather he blew you.” -G.

“Put your pants on, Chico. We’re getting a car.” -Quisla

Carlos: I made like 500 usd for 10 years of service Gordon: You'd make more in New York for 10 hours of service.

“Holy Hannah!” -Klauss

(Points to the Special K Box) - Now this is a real cereal -Carlos You're only saying that because there's a giant cock on the box -G. (Carlos stares at the box. Gives the finger)

There was a United Nations summit in Central Park -G. How many delegates -Ben T. Enough for 6 continents. And stenographers -G.

“Better send those refunds.” -Joe Burrow

(Walks into Carlos watching the X-Men in Spanish) OOh! Is this the X-Men? -G. Noooooo, It's Porn -Carlos (Points to Nightcrawler) It's not just his tail that's long and pointy -G.

“Waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure.” -Jay

“I’m leaving this in as punishment to myself.” -C

“If it was Tom Brady or anyone on the Cowboys, Skip would want the season cancelled.” -best. Comment. Ever.

“Fragile ego. Fragile body. Weak mind. Weak spirit.” -Jon Moxley

“I don’t miss.” -Jessica

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then... you're doing things you've never done before and more importantly, you're Doing Something.” -NEIL GAIMAN

“In hindsight, I preferred it when Will Smith’s love interests just vanished with no explanation or sense of closure.” -Adam

“Aren’t you supposed to call a doctor if your election lasts this long?” -Daniel

“Every time I hear a government official describe Russia's invasion of Ukraine as "an imperialist land grab" I'm like "oh, so you do know what that means..."” -Wingo

“I vow to be a cleaner MK in 2023. And when that's busted at 12:10 AM on 1/1/23, I'll be back to my usual raunchy, ribald self.” -Klaussie

“I’m not that good! I’m just the best at… fucking.. TRYING! I’m the best at fucking trying.” -C

“When you eat a poop sandwich, but the bread is terrific. Then you go to the restaurant and get the same sandwich with different bread.” -G

“Take the last two off the year sign and shove it up the ass of an elephant. Someone gimme that 3.” -Carl

“Yes, we all know MTV used to play music. It’s time to let it go.” -Josh

“Why don’t you force an answer out of yourself for a change?” -C

“When I said, “South Carolina is so pretty—we should spend more time here,” I didn’t mean driving the entire state at 35 MPH.” -Clay

“I finally get Taskmaster.” -C

“A clown’s average yearly salary is $40,000-$50,000. And here you are being one for free.” -Anneke

“And remember.. you can’t spell ‘similar to but legally distinct from’ without TEMU.” -C

“Hi good morning it’s Monday it’s foggy but it’s warm enough to sit outside I already took an everything shower and scrubbed off every skin cell that was present in 2022 and moisturized from head to toe so I’m a newborn baby glazed donut girlie with clear hair love you ok bye.” -Shannon

“PUT THAT… IN YOUR COMIC BOOK… AND SMOKE IT!” -Joe O

“It’s better than buying the new Blad Bhabie single. And for the Americans who do not understand that reference…. Ignorance is bliss, my friends. Ignorance is bliss.” -The Right Opinion

“GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!” -C whenever Jay says something remotely profane. Which happens once every…day. === And goodnight everybody...everybody. Come together, just think of tomorrow. :)

[hxlcycnx]

the doctor looked up from the book he was reading. if he were going to be stuck here, in one place, with no tardis, he wanted to be surrounded by all the things he loved, something to keep him entertained. he could never be disappointed with a book. “hmm, jane austen is my girl, love her to bits. if you enjoy a good enemies to lovers try pride and prejudice. otherwise, hold on did you just say fae books?” the doctor’s brain was running a mile a minute, jumping between trying to be helpful and being delightfully curious. “are you a fae? because i’ll be honest, i’ve seen galaxies upon galaxies, not sure i’ve ever met a far before…”

asterin & open || @ivycovestarters

asterin ran her manicured nail against the desk a soft hum escaping her lips she'd woken up here in ivycove a week ago. it had taken her that time to get used to the fact that not only was she alive but she had her wings back. "what books would you recommend." she asked, turning to look at the other person standing between the stacks of books. "the books here seem a tad different to the fae books back home - but i am keen to pick up a story again." the brunette explained, tucking her wings behind her so that she fit comfortably where she stood.

[hiddenwashington]

the following blogs have been inactive for seven days and their roles have been reopened. please unfollow :

@riseofalbion

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@papermccn ( alice liddell, kate fuller, sanna marchon ) ** do not unfollow , mumu !!

the following blogs have been inactive for six days, and now have 24 hours to make an in character post :

@thetorturedmusesdept ( angel, anya nikolaevna, jennifer check, kim possible, melody, vanessa shelly, woody pride )

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[thebadtimewolf]

me seeing millie being announced as the new companion for 15: either we're getting a new tardis team or 14 fucked up and got murdered by rose templenoble in vengence for robbing her mum's memories.

also me: why was yasmin's announcement as the new companion the same as freema's announcement as the new companion, rtd? and why was millie's announcement as the new companion the same as peter capaldi's twelfth doctor announcement, rtd? im screaming within the glass of your windows and banging against the interior of your prescription glasses' frames.

[egyptroyal]

The Doctor's Regenerations: 8-15