#c: deidara

[jami-multimuse]

Tobi is an absolute chaos gremlin

Art by @mukkiethekip

Commissioned by me

[bladedhunter]

Closed starter for @reddawnmultimuse | Deidara & Itachi

This is awful. More than awful. If Deidara thought his life was bad before, it has now gotten much worse. Sasori dead, one arm missing (the other previously severed but now reattached), a new partner that's really fucking annoying. His arms are sore. But his chest hurts too, which is also really fucking annoying, because he knows his chest isn't injured, which means it's emotional pain. And he's a shinobi, not a stupid civilian who's meant to sob over work partners or lost arms or a bad lot in life.

And yet...

He finds himself sitting swinging open the doors of a bar after attending the latest meeting of the Akatsuki, a check-in meeting where he was basically accused of failing. He hadn't been able to protect Sasori. He hadn't been able to capture Naruto -- that wasn't even his job! Deidara had defended himself angrily, but then the fight had gone out of him and he had gone quiet.

Because, what was the point?

He slumps down in a chair, exhaling quietly. Until he hears the door open again, and Itachi Uchiha walks in.

[sexywifesasuke]

Deidara doesn't blow things up, he performs unprompted demolitions.

[bladedhunter]

Language? Really? Deidara raises an eyebrow. They were part of one of the most powerful criminal organizations in the world, and Itachi was worried about Deidara's language? He stares at Itachi for a moment, before he huffs a little laugh. Itachi's so weird, it's funny. Endearing.

But then Itachi goes and says Deidara sounds like his mother. A series of emotions sweep through him. Confusion, indignation, panic, irritation that quickly fades to curiosity.

There's a quick wave of his hand. "That's... fine," he says with a little huff, not eager to admit the flavors Itachi just suggested combining confuse Deidara and, artist though he may be, he cannot imagine what such a combination of ingredients would task like. Then his head tilts. "What was she like, hn?" he asks bluntly, the question slipping out before he can stop it. Itachi did, after all, kill her. But if she cared about him, why?

«Language.»

ㅤLighthearted admonishment, as they continue that very much unexpected adventure of baking a cake together. What is also unexpected is the way his co-worker seems to be so... apparently affected by the news? Not that Itachi thinks Deidara to be uncaring, to be sure - his reactions are far too explosive, no pun intended, for someone who does not care. Deidara cares all too much about everything and everybody, that's what; be it in the good or in the bad way. Still, Itachi was perhaps humble enough to believe such care would never be extended towards him, of all people.

«You sound almost like my mother would.»

ㅤWhich he says airily, not willing to wallow in self-pity when going blind is the least of his health concerns - and, yes, teasingly. Hopefully, not enough to ruin the sort of truce they seem to have agreed on for the day, but it can't be avoided. It's almost like, upon entering this restaurant, the two of them stepped into an alternate dimension of their own where everything is a little less serious; a little more harmless. A little more less forbidden. Done with preparing the cake batter, Itachi now moves over to the cupboards to find a suitable form, and from there to the fridge to grab the remaining ingredients for the frosting. No bananas.

ㅤ«If you're willing to take a suggestion, I could mix cocoa beans with peppermint leaves and orange zest. Unless you prefer something sweeter?»

[snuggleboots]

₊˚♡˚₊ The Akatsuki and their jealousy ₊˚♡˚₊

Tags: GN Reader, GN flirt, general jealousy and implied murder shenanigans.

Tobi essentially zeroes in the instant someone else starts laughing a little too hard at your jokes. Uhm, hello? You're funny, but you're not that funny. In fact, he's pretty sure he's the only person that busts a gut laughing when you crack your silly little one-liners or puns. It's cute to him, nobody else has any business making a play by acting all giggly and doe-eyed. He doesn't need to be violent about it - and really, why would he be? Tobi's just as happy to lean in - uncomfortably close - and then loudly declare that they have something stuck in their teeth! And it's super noticeable! So's their breath! It's not rude, he's just being helpful! He can smell their lunch through his mask! And it's rank! How embarrassing! Haha! They really should go brush their teeth, huh! Go away! Far, far, away!

Hidan is, in fact, very liable to wind up jealous over stupid little things that always result in becoming a pain in the ass for you to defuse when he inevitably hops onto his bullshit. You're out trying to enjoy one meal in peace together? That's funny, because the server seemed to put some weird, flirtatious emphasis on hot when they asked how you like your tea, and that's a problem, and that bitch knows it, too. Oh, they wanna know how hot you like it? Alright! There's loads of people on this earth, and they really wanna get stabbed over you? Fuck it! He just sat down, but clearly he's got some shit to do now. Dinner and a show! Why not?! He gets why Kakuzu doesn't tip now, not that he was gonna anyway. Shit service, and thirsty-ass servers. Fucking ridiculous.

Deidara is the first to notice when someone gets too close and cosy with you. Does it bug him immediately? No. His reaction, however, depends entirely on yours. Do you notice that they're smiling with way too much teeth when they playfully punched your arm? No? Alright. He can let that slide. It's when they deliberately divert your attention from him to themselves that he starts getting annoyed. He's not at all above pointing out tacky behaviour, petty king, and even if it embarrasses you a little, it is highly satisfying for him to see the flirt's face drop into something sour or burn up from the embarrassment. It's even better if you snicker along with him.

Kakuzu's only problem with someone chatting your ear off and really gushing over whatever comes out of your mouth is the fact that they're boosting your ego and he has to deal with it later. Not because the offending flirt boosted your ego, he doesn't give a damn about that, but he's now going to hear the same things you just told them about later when he's already just heard it - and he sincerely doesn't care to hear it again. He doesn't want to act interested, and yet he's going to be faced with either being called a dick, or being forced to feign something to avoid bickering about it after the fact. God dammit.

Kisame doesn't mind seeing someone try their damndest to flirt with you. He trusts you, and he's very happy to sit back while you turn them down- or, if he's lucky, watch while the flirt makes an idiot of themselves trying too hard to clue you in and get your attention. It's funny - he's laughing, and he isn't even trying to hide it. If he's in a cheeky mood, he'll even stir the pot, because he has gremlin tendencies and his humour is catered exclusively to himself. Yeah, he'll egg them on in little ways, until they're feeling nice and confident. Then, while he isn't really a PDA kind of guy, he'll drape a brawny arm over your shoulders, plonk a cheek atop your head and drawl something to the effect of, 'You know what? You do look great in that outfit. It'll look better on the floor later. Ready to go?' Kisame likes finding his own fun like this. The flirts always flap their lips like gasping fish when he hits 'em with that bit, and it tickles his brain just right.

Itachi is generally ambivalent. You have attractive qualities, he knows this, and he's well acquainted with the consequence of having said attractive qualities. As long as you're fine with it and nobody's pushing any obvious boundaries, he's fine with it too. Jealousy isn't an issue at all with Itachi. It only becomes one if you end up uncomfortable and the flirt doesn't pick up on that fact. In that case? He's glad to leave with you, if you don't feel like handling it. If you don't want to leave, or leaving isn't an option? Well, he can use his words. Or, if they've ruffled your feathers enough to annoy him, there are many benefits to being a genjutsu master. Oh, noooo, suddenly all eyes are on the flirt and the judgmental looks are intense and highly disarming. Or, uh oh! There's definitely a fire that just broke out, and they're the only one panicking about it! Oh wow, they left in a hurry. What a shame. They must've drank a little too much, or something like that.

Sasori, simply put, could not possibly care less if you paid him. Possibly aggravated by the fact that someone's breathing air in his direction while he's minding his business with you, someone he can actually tolerate. Yeah, he fully expects you to handle that. He's gained a knack for zoning minor annoyances out- until those minor annoyances become general annoyances. It's only when the offending flirt's voice becomes grating - which, really, doesn't take long at all before he bothers intervening if you haven't already shooed them away yourself. If a terse 'shut up' or 'begone' doesn't dissuade the persistent little gnat, he has poison and many fun, discrete vehicles with which to deliver it. It is purely for the sake of peace and quiet. Does he care when they drop like a sack of rocks, seizing and foaming at the mouth? Not particularly. Do as he does, and zone it out. Don't look at it (derogatory), you'll only encourage it to make more of a scene.

[joltai-showa]

I've had chapter 362 opened for a few weeks now, and honestly for all the tragedy that is about to unfold this moment had always been so funny to me

(yes, that's the entire page)

honestly it makes me think of an alternative universe where Obito didn't miss like half of the fight and is there watching the two angry twinks fight it out before seeing Sasuke turn off his Sharingan and Deidara beginning to rip clothes off himself and just going like

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE FLASHED MY SENPAI WITH MY SHARINGAN AND HE WOULD'VE STARTED TO UNDRESS?? WTF??? THAT WAS THE OPTION THE WHOLE TIME??? YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME, GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT *kicks Sasuke away somewhere in Itachi's general direction* IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! IF I KNEW HE'D BE INTO THAT, I'D GOTTEN INTO MY UCHIHA CEREMONIAL BATTLE ARMOR AGES AGO, WITH FANS AND TOMOYOS AND SUCH, GUNBAI INCLUDED! SENPAI, ARE THE PANTS COMING OFF TOO IF IT'S A MANGEKYO??? GIVE ME LIKE FIVE MINUTES AND I CAN WIP UP MY OWN SUSANNO IF YOU'RE INTO THAT, COME HERE, KAKASHI, YOU BASTARD, I AM WORKING ON MY RELATIONSHIP PROSPECTS HERE!

[bladedhunter]

((from @storiedocs )) (the handwriting looks like it was done by someone without thumbs... and probably not by the person it's for...)

Name

Chitose no-last-name, a human

Age

17 human years equivalent of ~1.5 in cat years

Do you like to cuddle?

Good at cuddles and also at petting and brushing and play-time

Can we make-out?

Never seen Chitose do this it sounds funny i bet she'll squeak Sure

A night in or dinner out?

We should go out and bring back tasty leftovers for Cat please

Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?

I as a human can eat chocolate safely unlike cats

What makes you a good Valentine?

I am good at taking care of people and am knowledgeable about many interesting things and am good at finding missing things and solving mysteries and also singing but not as good as a cat and I am quiet and do not get zoomies

Would you cook for me?

I am very good at cooking especially fish and rats and birds

Would you let me cook for you?

Yes I am not picky when it comes to food because I have no sense of pride or standards

"Uh, what?"

Deidara squints at the oddly written form. Who was Chitose? Why did she have a proxy send a Valentine's application to him? Why Deidara? And why...

Deidara lifts the paper and sniffs it. Yup. Definitely smells like a pet of some sort. Did someone's animal summons write this?

Looking around, he spots the first seventeen-year-old-looking girl he sees and waves the paper. "Hey! You! Are you Chitose?! Is this from you?" A pause. "What the fuck, hn?"

[bladedhunter]

Let loose? Oh no no, that was not quite the problem. Deidara could let loose. He knew how to let loose. It was his pride he could not let go of. Wait, is that the same thing? Nevermind that, the blonde feels Jiraiya push another finger inside, and Deidara's hips arch to meet his hand, as he groans softly in response to the pumping of the other's fingers.

One last question. It had better be the last, Deidara thinks, except he also finds himself eager to hear what Jiraiya has to say. While his mother hand is still moving up and down on Deidara's throbbing cock, the blonde's bucking softly into it -- and then the sage mentions forcing him headfirst into a pillow.

Comfy... yet sexy. "That, please," he says quickly. He's worried of sounding too eager, but adds anyway, "Fuck, I want you inside me." As if that's not too eager. It totally is. "Fuck," he says, frustrated at himself.

Pressing a few more kisses along Deidara’s neck. “Let loose… I love listening to my lovers moan from my work.” Jiraiya encouraged. It’s always the rogues. They’re quieter in bed than other lovers.

He slips in another finger, working that hole open enough to fuck. He didn’t need to rush. Honestly it looks like Deidara is damn eager to start. A few more pumps and he lingers knuckles deep inside of the other man.

“One last question, pretty boy.” Jiraiya warns as he rests his chin on Deidara’s shoulder. His other hand continues to move, jerking Deidara’s dripping cock slow enough to have the answers fumble out faster as he prays on the other’s growing need. “Did you want to continue here? Or should I force you head first into a pillow?”

He wasn’t made of patience but he can outlast the one he’s teasing. Listening to each hesitant quiet moan and feeling each twitch was pushing him to the point of wanting to just ruin this boy with a long rough fucking. The kind that will render the other unable to walk for days.

[ladykissingfish]

Sasori killing a bunch of people that “wronged” Deidara, and arranging their corpses in the shape of a giant heart. Sasori standing in the middle of that heart with a bouquet of flowers, asking Deidara to marry him. Nagato telling Konan that he isn’t sure which of the three C’s to use. Konan’s like, the three C’s? And Nagato’s like yes, Clap, Cry, or Call the Cops.

[evilkitten3]

i've now seen multiple people say things along the lines of "a good chunk of the things sasuke went through were bc of his poor choices" and. i have to wonder.

what exactly do those people think is being referred to when people talk about sasuke's traumas? bc the only thing i can think of is when he went off to orochimaru, which he never implied he regretted nor seemed all that traumatized by

like what specifically did sasuke go through that was his fault? i genuinely want to know

[bladedhunter]

As Deidara whirled around, Sasuke could see he was about to say something angry, something biting. The Uchiha didn't mind; he knew Deidara was in pain, and as such Sasuke would not take personally any shouting at him. But upon making eye contact, the blonde was silent for a moment. Something had given him pause -- what, Sasuke didn't know.

Was that an undertone of despair in Deidara's next words? Sasuke wasn't sure, only something in the blonde's tone, expression, diction, something, made him believable. For now. It also made Sasuke feel more empathy for him than before, too.

A gentle hand on Deidara's shoulder, Sasuke nodded. "Then let's go," he said.

He activated Kamui so he could use Amenotejikara to switch places with some random objects in the Uchiha compound -- the safest place for them to teleport to -- and gestured for the blonde to step through the portal. "You'll appear in the empty Uchiha compound," he said. "It's totally safe. Then I'll summon Garuda again and we'll start searching. I can also contact people if you'd like help."

He wasn't sure how Deidara felt about him contacting Sakura or Naruto for help. It was possible he didn't want anyone else's help, though it would be wise to get as much as possible, and Sasuke didn't see either of his teammates forsaking a child. But, ultimately, it was up to Deidara.

Upon Sasuke's offending hand landing on his shoulder, Deidara turned towards the Uchiha was a quickness, tongue primed to tell him: Do. Not. Touch. Me! However, that never came as the injunction died and turned to dust on his tongue upon seeing the gentle look in the Uchiha's eyes, successfully clearing the fog of anger clouding the blonde's head, if just for a moment.

Hurt innocents? Why would he hurt innocents? It was humourous to Deidara to think such a thought because once upon a time, he would not have; once upon a time, he was a monster--he still now. Now, he was just a monster dressed in a smock with a kid and a splinter of consciousness. Just enough consciousness not to wish harm upon innocent people, however. Innocent people are who he had built a community with these last few years.

No, who he wanted to hurt were the bastards that took his son. He wanted to make them pay, make them suffer, make them beg for death. That's who he wanted to hurt. And he was willing to go to Hell and back to do so.

" I just want my son back, Sasuke. I have nothing else. " Deidara whispered, quietly and calm, as he stared back into Sasuke's eyes, blue bleeding into black. " I'm only going to hurt the bastards that took him. " Question was: did the Uchiha believe him?

[joltai-showa]

I like to entertain the ideas about some absurd mundane scenarios that Akatsuki had to encounter. Particularly in relation to Kakuzu, because Kishimoto made everyone else about Higher Ideals (c) or some Other Bullshit (c), but grandpa is there for the sigma grindset and that sweet sweet retirement fund.

So, imagine being Kakuzu and trying to file ANY paperwork on the individuals in Akatsuki. Like, how the fuck is he even supposed to do that?

Pain? The one that usually shows up is dead, both on paper and in reality. He's also got five more guys like him. Do you include them in the personnel count? Like, this is a massive fluctuation for a tiny organization like Akatsuki depending if you include the six guys in a trechcoat or not. Is Nagato entitled to some disability benefits?

Obito? Also dead as far as bureacracy is concerned. How the hell did they even file Tobi? Is he like a part-timer until Sasori kicks the bucket? Is he doing a terrorist internship? What age does this guy even file? Madara's? Can he, like, claim smaller work hours as a benefit? "Sorry, senpai, I am 100 years old, I can only work 20 hours a week"? Can Obito claim Madara's retirement benefits? Warring States period veteran benefits? Did Obito steal all of the cash Madara was entitled to after choosing to disconnect himself off Gedo Mazo? How far is that man willing to go in his identity thieft?

Sasori? How do you even file one living organ sitting in puppetgelion? Is he even classified as human by that point? If he has lost so much of his body (we will not mention if he did so willingly, Kakuzu is not here to give up on free cash), can he claim the disability benefits? Also, if his body is stuck as a 15 year old, do the child labor laws apply to him?

Zetsu just sounds like an absolute nightmare. How the fuck do you even file anything on them, they don't exist as far as society is concerned. Also, same trenchcoat problem, but on a lesser scale. Did Kakuzu have to build up Zetsu's documents from the ground up when he became the accountant? How do you even classify them? If they are technically plants, does that make them the organization's property?

(also. can the Zetsu army just like. unionize and fight against their oppressor Obito who exploits them and their lives for free labor?)

Itachi and Deidara? "Leader, why THE FUCK would you hire a 13 year old and a 12 year old consecutively? What do you mean there shouldn't be any issues? We can't have them working here until they're at least 14! Yes, the villages can do that to their kids, but we're an international (terrorist) organization, they make us follow these "child labor laws" or whatever. Ah, fuck it, you know nothing about any of this anyway, just tell them they aren't getting paid for the next few years, their wage is going to be the free and unique experiences in this organization. At least by the time they are 20 they can take the S-rank missions requiring at least 10 years of mercenary work experience."

Also, yes. The countries in Naruto world are chill towards Akatsuki (unless they are trying to steal their nukes. or, well, due to other past grievances) as long as they are diligently paying their taxes. Otherwise, well. Let's just say Jiraya gets easily cleared no diff by the local version of the IRS in the "find the headquarters of this teeny tiny (terrorist) organization named Akatsuki" category.

[bladedhunter]

Starter for @reddawnmultimuse

In that case, day after tomorrow.

The words had been echoing in his mind for almost two days. Today was the day. The day after tomorrow. But it was still morning. There was still time. Time for Deidara to take back his dignity and control over himself. So that morning, he slipped out of the Akatsuki hideout, not telling anyone that he was going or where he was going.

It was difficult for him to think about what had happened two nights ago without getting impossibly turned on from just a memory, and also thoroughly disgusted with himself. Sasori no Danna. And yet he could barely use the term he'd always called his partner anymore, without... thinking of how they had used it that night.

A shiver ran down the blonde's spine, and he stuck his hands in his pockets, shaking his head as he walked down the streets of a small village, far away from the Akatsuki hideout. He doesn't think he had been followed. No one would find him here.

Even so, he glanced every so often behind his shoulder as night came, looking to see if he was being followed. Nothing, as the sun set.

At least, that's what he thought.

[n0-n1c]

about to blow that madara-tobi freak out of the water 🧨

📃🏙️📄

as is becoming a habit, more details under cut :)

take a look at this bustling city we can be proud to call our own! in the embrace of waters deep six hundred billion seeds i have sown (all ready to bloom. aren't they pretty?) now comes a time for you to reap (every piece is a piece of me)

the paper collage part was made from a single newspaper in a fit of inspiration

the vaguely heart-like shape in the middle was a pain to make natural while keeping the wings as i wanted them.

i wanted to include a faint rainbow, or rather several color-tinted arches of exploding tags in the reflection. it didn't want to work with the composition.

most of the papers in her wings aren't distorted by the water. wonder what that means

deep dark... deep dark... alluring light at the very bottom...

now to the poem:

amegakure is suspiciously modern. best place to live! except for the war and rain and heavy industry and vaguely threatening leader with a god complex.

if this was the closing verse of something longer, the opening verse would be this: we were made out of stainless steel where others were left out to corrode only the strongest welcome the rain over a pit stop on war road

kishimoto has no idea how numbers work. i usually play with the timeline & ages to get something that makes sense at the moment (even thinking about team minato ages hurts). however 600,000,000,000 is an insane number i'm keeping.

(can't find the original post that first mentioned this but i've already incorporated it into my konan lore:) konan has a plan to take down any member of the akatsuki. very batman-like of her. except every plan involves an incredible number of exploding tags. "konan is the only sane one in the akatsuki"? she is sitting in their meetings while silently making exploding tags somewhere else. every time she lays her eyes on hidan or deidara or madara-tobi she ups the rate of production. i'm scared of big numbers because they overflow on accident or you have to think about what special type to give them & when you mess up an algorithm complexity they want to compute way over the heat death of several universes... (amateur c programmer with math background spotted) (btw in c it's long long int, 64 bits)

konan & flowers! i mean it's literally part of her design so why not indulge when she has created a literal minefield (except the whole field is made of bombs)

madara-tobi goes boom! poor obito finds field imagery around him (hatake, nohara). seems to be a normal japanese thing, but psst, let me enjoy this. mr fan-the-flame is drowned in fire

every piece is a piece of her. first of all, literally. don't tell me she sat down (cloned of course) and did calligraphy on regular paper by hand, and/or ruined the whole economy just for this. talk about putting your heart into something... second, she uses paper butterflies for spying. as in, she turns into hundreds or thousands of pieces (ch371; jiraiya assumes he's arriving in ame suuuper stealthily), all of them presumably directed by one consciousness. solid clones have copies of the original mind, and shadow clones can return memories only when they dispell. i can't imagine all the butterflies with a mind of their own and konan casually integrating such a number when she reforms. if that is the case, she is truly on another level. sidenote: nagato's paths of pain share line of vision. he's literally operating 6+1 bodies at once. you know what? i bow to that. let him enjoy his godhood!

in conclusion: she had the audacity & the 600,000,000,000 plan almost worked! my top 3 female character in naruto

[dovefaced]

Something I've been working on in-between commissions. It's very rough but I wanted to finish it so I could move on to greater, other Deidara-centric artwork lol.

As an aside, if you dislike invertebrates (doubly so if you dislike spiders) please keep your comments to yourself. I understand arachnophobia is very prevalent but I myself keep spiders and am not interested in reading comments about harming them. Thank you.

Text transcription under read-more

my deidara (modern au) headcanons

bleaches his hair, it's naturally a dark shade of brown

beauty marks everywhere

awesome painted nails

i associate him with greens, tans, and browns. would probably wear a lot of black though LOL

i wanted to draw him in cute casual. but i'm sure he would have an adventurous fashion sense (something i DISTINCTLY lack)

PET KEY

c. livia domestica, named garuda

pterinochilus murinus

scolopendra sp. (i don't know enough about centipede husbandry)

5, 6. phidippus regius, different morphs

stegodyphus sp.

theraphosa stirmi

[bladedhunter]

Shoulders slightly slumped, Deidara gives a little huff at the question. "Of course," he says. He's not a rookie. "The retainer's residence is protected by guards -- shinobi -- but nothing we won't be able to handle, hn. I didn't recognize any of them." He rolls his shoulders, back, straightening. "And there's only four of them."

Pein chose to ignore the look centered on Deidara's face. Figured it was nothing but the usual tension one gets when they feel they are being evaluated. Not so much the case here as Pein was only filling in spots where they lack bodies.

"Correct," he approached closer, so he can lower his voice from wandering pedestrians," did you scout the area already?"