#c: deidara

[bladedhunter]

((from @storiedocs )) (the handwriting looks like it was done by someone without thumbs... and probably not by the person it's for...)

Name

Chitose no-last-name, a human

Age

17 human years equivalent of ~1.5 in cat years

Do you like to cuddle?

Good at cuddles and also at petting and brushing and play-time

Can we make-out?

Never seen Chitose do this it sounds funny i bet she'll squeak Sure

A night in or dinner out?

We should go out and bring back tasty leftovers for Cat please

Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?

I as a human can eat chocolate safely unlike cats

What makes you a good Valentine?

I am good at taking care of people and am knowledgeable about many interesting things and am good at finding missing things and solving mysteries and also singing but not as good as a cat and I am quiet and do not get zoomies

Would you cook for me?

I am very good at cooking especially fish and rats and birds

Would you let me cook for you?

Yes I am not picky when it comes to food because I have no sense of pride or standards

"Uh, what?"

Deidara squints at the oddly written form. Who was Chitose? Why did she have a proxy send a Valentine's application to him? Why Deidara? And why...

Deidara lifts the paper and sniffs it. Yup. Definitely smells like a pet of some sort. Did someone's animal summons write this?

Looking around, he spots the first seventeen-year-old-looking girl he sees and waves the paper. "Hey! You! Are you Chitose?! Is this from you?" A pause. "What the fuck, hn?"

[sexywifesasuke]

Deidara doesn't blow things up, he performs unprompted demolitions.

[snuggleboots]

₊˚♡˚₊ The Akatsuki and their jealousy ₊˚♡˚₊

Tags: GN Reader, GN flirt, general jealousy and implied murder shenanigans.

Tobi essentially zeroes in the instant someone else starts laughing a little too hard at your jokes. Uhm, hello? You're funny, but you're not that funny. In fact, he's pretty sure he's the only person that busts a gut laughing when you crack your silly little one-liners or puns. It's cute to him, nobody else has any business making a play by acting all giggly and doe-eyed. He doesn't need to be violent about it - and really, why would he be? Tobi's just as happy to lean in - uncomfortably close - and then loudly declare that they have something stuck in their teeth! And it's super noticeable! So's their breath! It's not rude, he's just being helpful! He can smell their lunch through his mask! And it's rank! How embarrassing! Haha! They really should go brush their teeth, huh! Go away! Far, far, away!

Hidan is, in fact, very liable to wind up jealous over stupid little things that always result in becoming a pain in the ass for you to defuse when he inevitably hops onto his bullshit. You're out trying to enjoy one meal in peace together? That's funny, because the server seemed to put some weird, flirtatious emphasis on hot when they asked how you like your tea, and that's a problem, and that bitch knows it, too. Oh, they wanna know how hot you like it? Alright! There's loads of people on this earth, and they really wanna get stabbed over you? Fuck it! He just sat down, but clearly he's got some shit to do now. Dinner and a show! Why not?! He gets why Kakuzu doesn't tip now, not that he was gonna anyway. Shit service, and thirsty-ass servers. Fucking ridiculous.

Deidara is the first to notice when someone gets too close and cosy with you. Does it bug him immediately? No. His reaction, however, depends entirely on yours. Do you notice that they're smiling with way too much teeth when they playfully punched your arm? No? Alright. He can let that slide. It's when they deliberately divert your attention from him to themselves that he starts getting annoyed. He's not at all above pointing out tacky behaviour, petty king, and even if it embarrasses you a little, it is highly satisfying for him to see the flirt's face drop into something sour or burn up from the embarrassment. It's even better if you snicker along with him.

Kakuzu's only problem with someone chatting your ear off and really gushing over whatever comes out of your mouth is the fact that they're boosting your ego and he has to deal with it later. Not because the offending flirt boosted your ego, he doesn't give a damn about that, but he's now going to hear the same things you just told them about later when he's already just heard it - and he sincerely doesn't care to hear it again. He doesn't want to act interested, and yet he's going to be faced with either being called a dick, or being forced to feign something to avoid bickering about it after the fact. God dammit.

Kisame doesn't mind seeing someone try their damndest to flirt with you. He trusts you, and he's very happy to sit back while you turn them down- or, if he's lucky, watch while the flirt makes an idiot of themselves trying too hard to clue you in and get your attention. It's funny - he's laughing, and he isn't even trying to hide it. If he's in a cheeky mood, he'll even stir the pot, because he has gremlin tendencies and his humour is catered exclusively to himself. Yeah, he'll egg them on in little ways, until they're feeling nice and confident. Then, while he isn't really a PDA kind of guy, he'll drape a brawny arm over your shoulders, plonk a cheek atop your head and drawl something to the effect of, 'You know what? You do look great in that outfit. It'll look better on the floor later. Ready to go?' Kisame likes finding his own fun like this. The flirts always flap their lips like gasping fish when he hits 'em with that bit, and it tickles his brain just right.

Itachi is generally ambivalent. You have attractive qualities, he knows this, and he's well acquainted with the consequence of having said attractive qualities. As long as you're fine with it and nobody's pushing any obvious boundaries, he's fine with it too. Jealousy isn't an issue at all with Itachi. It only becomes one if you end up uncomfortable and the flirt doesn't pick up on that fact. In that case? He's glad to leave with you, if you don't feel like handling it. If you don't want to leave, or leaving isn't an option? Well, he can use his words. Or, if they've ruffled your feathers enough to annoy him, there are many benefits to being a genjutsu master. Oh, noooo, suddenly all eyes are on the flirt and the judgmental looks are intense and highly disarming. Or, uh oh! There's definitely a fire that just broke out, and they're the only one panicking about it! Oh wow, they left in a hurry. What a shame. They must've drank a little too much, or something like that.

Sasori, simply put, could not possibly care less if you paid him. Possibly aggravated by the fact that someone's breathing air in his direction while he's minding his business with you, someone he can actually tolerate. Yeah, he fully expects you to handle that. He's gained a knack for zoning minor annoyances out- until those minor annoyances become general annoyances. It's only when the offending flirt's voice becomes grating - which, really, doesn't take long at all before he bothers intervening if you haven't already shooed them away yourself. If a terse 'shut up' or 'begone' doesn't dissuade the persistent little gnat, he has poison and many fun, discrete vehicles with which to deliver it. It is purely for the sake of peace and quiet. Does he care when they drop like a sack of rocks, seizing and foaming at the mouth? Not particularly. Do as he does, and zone it out. Don't look at it (derogatory), you'll only encourage it to make more of a scene.

[falloutdope]

[ladykissingfish]

Sasori killing a bunch of people that “wronged” Deidara, and arranging their corpses in the shape of a giant heart. Sasori standing in the middle of that heart with a bouquet of flowers, asking Deidara to marry him. Nagato telling Konan that he isn’t sure which of the three C’s to use. Konan’s like, the three C’s? And Nagato’s like yes, Clap, Cry, or Call the Cops.

[evilkitten3]

i've now seen multiple people say things along the lines of "a good chunk of the things sasuke went through were bc of his poor choices" and. i have to wonder.

what exactly do those people think is being referred to when people talk about sasuke's traumas? bc the only thing i can think of is when he went off to orochimaru, which he never implied he regretted nor seemed all that traumatized by

like what specifically did sasuke go through that was his fault? i genuinely want to know

[tozettastone]

So… akatsuki ranked by hugging capabilities when?

Okay. That's a good one. I'll answer that one.

--

10. Zetsu

Zetsu doesn't know what's happening and he might digest you. I would say he does not have hugging capabilities.

9. Kakuzu

Absolutely not. This man trusted someone one time to try it out and he has looked upon that moment with profound regret ever since. He does not do well with physical affection.

Do not hug Kakuzu. Do not make physical contact with Kakuzu. Honestly, if at all possible, do not even make eye contact with Kakuzu.

8. Konan

Konan is as distant as a statue until she has committed herself to a goal. She disdains most social bonds, and I don't think she hugs often even among people she regards as close. I think she is wary of obligation because she takes obligations very seriously. If someone takes comfort from her, what will they want next?

She will offer an arm to Nagato on a bad day, but he usually refuses anyway. Extremely low hugging capabilities.

7. Nagato

Nagato would certainly benefit from hugging but I see no indication that his hugging capabilities are especially developed. Besides, he's kind of immobilised, and the animated corpses he's piloting aren't exactly comfortable participants.

I think he and Konan were both much, much better at this before Yahiko's death. Very low hugging capabilities.

6. Tobi

Tobi is absolutely 100% capable of hugging properly. He scores highly in hugging capability. Technically. But, one, I think you will not be very good at actually landing a hug on this man. And, two, if you do, he's dissociating because he can't confront other people's positive regard for him, and your body is so much meat to him.

On the balance of probabilities, this is more likely safe to attempt than not. Tobi is more amused by making fun of people than killing them for touching him. But I just don't think hugging Tobi is, like, very productive.

5. Sasori

This one's interesting, because Sasori has actually practiced hugging — with his parents' corpses, right? As with all skills, practice helps you perform better! But I don't think Sasori has a very good relationship with his own body and I don't think he views other people as particularly more agential than the dead bodies.

So I'm ranking him somewhere in the middle: no natural hugging gifts, some practice, very little inclination to participate. Don't hug Sasori, because if you get that close at all, something is already very wrong.

4. Deidara

Deidara appears to be among the most socially normative of this cohort. I imagine he has, at some point, had at least one affectionate kohai among the Rock ninja he left behind. However, as an adult (uh, as a... teen over the age of ninja majority, anyway) Deidara appears highly suspicious of people attempting to initiate contact with him.

Moderate hugging capabilities, but if he thinks you're tricking him or you're being too familiar for the strictly defined relationship category you occupy in Deidara's head, you're going to be rebuffed. It won't be fatal... the first time.

3. Hidan

Hidan is an athletic guy who's used to feeling what other people are feeling and getting up close and personal with their physical experiences of their bodies. I really think Hidan is among the better huggers in this cohort. Capabilities genuinely pretty strong.

That said, hugging Hidan is a gamble. Either you get a bone-creaking squeeze from someone who is tall, warm, and has absolutely no issues with physical contact, or you end up dead. You would be rolling the dice on this one. Remember: eventually, the house always wins.

2. Kisame

Kisame does not have a lot of practice at exercising his hugging capabilities. Most people don't look at a giant shark man with a face full of razor sharp teeth and a sword as big as a teenager and think, 'ah, yes, a perfect source of physical affection.'

But I think as long as you don't startle him with any sudden movements he will respond to being hugged by very carefully lowering his arm over his hugging buddy's shoulders. It's weird but he's not mad. Pretty safe option.

1. Itachi

Itachi is not great at hugging but people who receive Itachi hugs are so impressed that they hardly notice. Also, it's pretty safe to hug Itachi: the worst outcome is that you discover you're hugging an illusion and feel mildly humiliated while everyone is impressed you even attempted such a feat.

He ranks this highly because I sincerely believe that as a big brother, he has attempted to hug at least one other (live) human being before. Sasuke might not have been old enough to remember it, but he's done it successfully and nobody died.

[moodybluezzz]

Deidara NSFW Alphabet (18+)

[I've never done one of these before and proofread at 2am so hopefully this isn't a dumpster fire. Warning for NSFW content under the cut.]

[Word count: ≈1.3k]

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Deidara gets very sweet and mellow after sex. In fact, it seems like that's the only time he doesn't have an explosive amount of energy. He'll wipe the sweat from his forehead and ask you if you're okay with a satisfied smile. If you're not completely wiped out he'll cuddle and talk to you until you fall asleep with your head resting on his chest. He's not gonna want to budge so cleanup usually waits until the morning after. He prefers admiring the mess you made together anyway.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Deidara's favorite part of his own body is, unsurprisingly, his hands. He knows he's skilled with them because of his art, and having two extra mouths is a blessing in bed that no one else has. His favorite part of his partner is their face. He loves admiring your features and expressions as he toys with you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Deidara tends to finish quickly and usually pulls out so he can cum on your body, whether it's your back, thighs, face, or wherever else he can make a mess of. “My best masterpiece yet~”

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Deidara doesn't give a damn about getting walked in on and secretly likes showing off what's his. (Plus, seeing the priceless reactions of the rest of the Akatsuki is just a bonus.)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Deidara is barely experienced, if at all. He's young and too caught up in the Akatsuki to have dabbled in relationships very much. Luckily his natural confidence and dexterity make up for the inexperience.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I don't see Deidara as the type to do gymnastics on the regular. His favorite position is probably missionary, since he gets to see your reactions and admire you up close. If he's feeling dirty the worst he'll do is doggy style so he can pull your hair and be a little more dominant.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Deidara is absolutely the type of person you can joke with, or hold a conversation with, during sex. Although he takes his relationship and intimacy seriously, he likes to have fun so it's never too intense.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Deidara is just about as hairy as any average guy, but it's not very noticeable because of his light, blonde hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Deidara isn't the most romantic guy ever, but when he's alone with you his intimate side is on full display. This is especially clear in how careful he is not to hurt you. He balances showing you that he cares and keeping the mood light so you can both have fun.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Deidara jerks off a lot, usually before bed or when he's bored. And yes, he uses the mouths on his hands for extra pleasure. (Can you blame him?) He'll imagine his partner’s pretty face going down on him as he licks along his own length.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sorry but Deidara just isn't that kinky, unless you count him using his hand-mouths on you. He's not a full-blown exhibitionist, but he does also enjoy the thrill of fucking in places he could get caught.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In his room at the Akatsuki base, and it doesn't matter whether anyone else is home or not. The place may be cluttered with art supplies but he makes room for you quick. He also once tried having some fun with you on the back of his clay bird, out in the open night sky. It was a little scary at first, but you had to admit it was exciting.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Deidara likes someone who can match his energy - seeing you have fun or marvel at his latest work is enough for him. He's also a sucker for a bit of praise and some clever pickup lines about art and explosions.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Sorry sadists, the man said himself that he isn't into BDSM. He absolutely won't do anything that seriously hurts you or leaves marks on your body, aside from some light hickeys. He sees it as ruining a masterpiece.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Deidara is the KING of giving head - he was blessed with three mouths and you'd best believe he's gonna use them. He'll eat you out while the mouths on his hands lick along your sensitive inner thighs, or kiss you passionately while he reaches down and lets his other mouths go to town.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Deidara's movements are quick and shallow. He just prefers it rough and fast. His last few thrusts are always a bit slower as he takes in how you look as you finish, though.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Deidara will never turn down a quickie, even if you just wrapped up a mission and you have to sneak away and find a hidden spot to have some fun. He'll probably end up having more quickies than longer sessions when he's busy with missions, but that doesn't mean he won't take his time pleasing you when you're back at the base.

R = Risk (are they open to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Deidara is probably the most risky out of everyone in the Akatsuki. He can't help but get off on the thrill of fucking in “public” places or when the rest of the team is around, and he doesn't stress much about getting caught either. Unfortunately Deidara is also not the most discreet and Tobi has definitely stumbled upon some unholy things while looking for him.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Deidara could go for more than one round if he really wanted to, but most of the time he's satisfied with one round and just wants to relax afterward.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn't own any toys of his own but definitely isn't opposed to using them with you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The lovable asshole that he is, Deidara teases pretty often, mostly verbally or with his tongues. However, he gives in pretty quickly and gets right to the fun part.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Deidara is very vocal and not ashamed about it whatsoever. He doesn't hold back on moaning and loves talking dirty as he fucks you. Some of the Akatsuki have definitely gotten pissed at him for keeping them up at night.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Might be down for a threesome with someone else in the Akatsuki? 😳

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

About average with more length than girth, plus a faint trail of blonde hair leading down to it ;)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Deidara's sex drive is high, but not to an unbearable extent. He's young and full of passion, but he equally enjoys spending quality time with his partner as well, so most of your time together is spent pretty innocently.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Deidara is pretty full of energy and never falls asleep immediately after sex. Sometimes he'll stay up for a short while to spend more time with you, and other times he'll jump up and run to his desk, getting straight to work on some new art project that he thought up.

[mixelation]

reborn au: actually i have no idea why i summarized context instead of just posting it

Tori was having a problem. Several problems, actually. 

“I’m not even allowed to submit a proposal without some idiot chunin co-signing,” she complained, pacing back and forth in front of Deidara. He was seated on his bed, rubbing ointment into the pink patches of his feet and legs that his medic hadn’t quite healed all the way. 

Deidara had… set a field on fire, or something, on his mission. Whatever. Kushina-sensei had gently hinted at Tori that she should go over and make sure he didn’t need help cooking or cleaning, as while Konoha hospital could fix up most things, he’d still landed himself three weeks leave with foot injuries. 

Obviously, Deidara had yelled at her and set a clay flea off in her face for even hinting he might need help. Convincing him to let her ladle the big pot of her mediocre curry soup she’d lugged over into his own tupperware had been a whole ordeal filled with yelling and a couple minor explosions. But once she had that out of way and a bunch of tupperwares in his fridge, she was taking his presence in town as an excuse to rant about her own problems in her new lab assignment.

“My new PI wants me on dish duty,” she went on, gesturing furiously with both hands. “I know every piece of research fuinjutsu better than anyone there, and I get dish duty? I wouldn’t mind cleaning my own dishes, or if everyone was cleaning dishes, but my ideas for projects just get ignored. Who cares that I’m a genin? I have more experience than any of the chunin in that lab.”

She’d complained to higher management and attempted to get reassigned, but it seemed she was being ignored. She was afraid she’d have to go through Kushina to get facetime with the Hokage. She didn’t want to play nepotism; she wanted to earn this herself. 

Deidara looked at her like she was stupid. 

“If it’s a rank problem,” he said, “then just go get promoted to chunin, yeah.”

Tori stared back at him, flummoxed. This hadn’t occurred to her. She was quite confident she could handle any task any chunin might encounter in a lab. She was reasonably certain she could perform better than some of the jounin in a lab, even, especially if she got to head her own projects. But… chunin were meant to lead missions. They had to be able to fight things, had to know some set number of jutsu, had to have all the rules and ordinances memorized. 

“Do you think I’m qualified?” Tori wondered out loud. 

She really only had a grab bag of jutsu under her belt, the product of only bothering to learn things that interested her. Her combat skills mostly revolved around hitting things with a stick, or irreversibly destroying flesh in an extremely slipshod way. It seemed like a vast overestimation that she might be qualified for a promotion. 

Deidara managed to look even more unimpressed with her. 

“What the hell do you think chunin are?” he asked. 

“Squadron leaders?” Tori tried. 

“Not the baby ones,” Deidara told her. “Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can make chunin. The only reason you’re not already promoted is that Iwa is filled with assholes, yeah.”

This seemed… wrong, somehow. She’d mostly just gotten as far as she did in the Iwa exam by relying on others. But, maybe, she could swing an internal promotion? 

Tori went and looked up the official minimum qualifications for chunin promotion. She did qualify, it seemed. Apparently you only needed the Academy three ninjutsu to make chunin, although more were recommended. And maybe she should review all these rules and internal structures she was supposed to know… 

The minimum mission requirement was also only one C-rank, which seemed too low. It also seemed like her various higher ranking missions maybe shouldn’t count. The Iwa fiasco had mostly just been her playing side-kick, up until she basically just lied through her teeth for a very stressful few hours. The Sasori fiasco wasn’t exactly a shining moment for her either. It all really depended on her being on a team with a bunch of monsters rather than her own talents, honestly. 

Oh well. It wouldn’t hurt to try, she supposed. It wasn’t like the Hokage’s office didn’t know exactly who she was and the details of her on-paper accomplishments. 

She filled out a form for promotion-by-mission and turned it in. Two days later she was called into the Hokage’s office. Minato was literally eating a sandwich while he talked to her, apparently on his lunch break. 

“Right,” Minato said, swallowing. He picked her application off a pile of papers and slid it across his desk to her. “I’m not approving this.”

“Okay,” Tori said, having expected as much. 

“Because I want you to go to the next exam,” he continued. “It’s in Kiri.”

“Oh,” Tori replied, surprised. So she’d have to prove her qualifications? Annoying. 

“I think you should aim to win the tournament,” Minato said through another mouthful of sandwich. “Make it flashy. It’ll be a good showing for Konoha.”

“Wait—” Tori started. “I’m not—”

“I’m going to okay you to reduce lab hours if you feel like you need training,” Minato continued, unperturbed by the madness he was spitting. He passed another form across the desk for her, brushing sandwich crumbs off f it. “You have six weeks. Kushina said she’d register you. Let me know if you need anything.”

He dismissed her. Tori wandered out of his office gripping her exemption paperwork in both hands. Less lab time was the opposite of what she wanted!

Deidara laughed at her when she reported what happened. There were, she noted, empty curry-stained tupperware in his sink. 

“I can’t win the tournament,” Tori bemoaned as he snickered. She was really more of a “promoted due to clever thinking” type of kunoichi. “Make it flashy? What is he thinking?”

“Probably that most genin actually just suck, yeah,” Deidara told her. “Do you think Kushina-sensei could convince him to let me go to the tournament?”

Apparently the idea of watching her fight was deeply funny to Deidara. He talked for a very long time about wanting to see her panic and melt a small child into goo in front of all their friends and family. Tori buried her face in her hands. 

“Oh, then you’d get a pay raise,” Deidara said, eyes suddenly brightening. “We could move somewhere better, yeah.”

“Deidaraaa,” she whined. 

xXx

The lab sink was already filled with dirty test tubes in the morning. The new chunin had mislabeled several samples the day before, and now the experiment was ruined, and Tori was in charge of clean-up. Tori listened to the chunin explain this, glaring at the sink. 

“So I’ll be setting it up again while you clean,” the chunin said. 

It wasn’t that Tori thought she’d never mislabel something. It was that she had enough experience to know to double-check, and if she screwed up anyway, she’d clean up her own fuck-ups. 

Plus, everyone had ignored that she’d pointed out their control for this experiment made no sense. There was a huge risk that whatever results they got, if this chunin could get it to work at all, would be totally uninterpretable. 

“Actually, I have an exemption,” Tori told the chunin. “I just came in to say I’ll be out for a while.”

She fled the lab. Kushina’s office door was always open. 

“Oh!” Kushina said when Tori knocked. “You’re getting started on training earlier than I thought. Donut?”

She had a small box of donut holes she pushed at Tori. 

“I talked it over with Minato,” Kushina said, twirling a pen in her finger as she spoke. “Basically, we think it’d be a good PR move if you sort of showed off that Konoha is basically the best at fuuinjutsu.” 

“Okay,” Tori said. She could do that, at least… probably. 

“You weren’t really flashy with it in the Iwa tournament,” Kushina continued. “So we’ll have to come up with something. Maybe you can work on giving some speeches about how your jutsu work like some weirdos do. Oh, but don’t show off you can use nonhuman chakra; we don’t want that getting out until it has to.” Kushina frowned slightly. “And I guess you shouldn’t melt any other genin. That’d be bad for international relations.”

“Okay,” Tori repeated. That just severely limited her combat capabilities. “Um, Hokage-sama told me to… win the tournament?”

She waited for Kushina to say Minato was being ridiculous. Instead she beamed and said, “Well, of course! I want my team to be three-for-three, you know!”

Kushina then made her take the rest of the box of donuts and shooed her out of the office, with a promise they’d make a training schedule. 

“It’ll only be like twice a week,” Kushina said as Tori gathered up her bag. “Don’t want to distract you from the lab!”

“But,” Tori started. She needed… more than that, if she was even going to pass, let alone win a tournament. 

“Bye!” Kushina replied. 

Tori walked out of Hokage Tower feeling completely unsure what to do. She could go… think about combat fuuinjutsu? Except, she’d moved all her materials to her desk in R&D in a bid for separate work and personal time, and she did not want to go back there right now. 

Well, she knew Deidara was in town and not doing anything. She went and asked him if he wanted to train. 

Deidara took at her in deep distrust. “Who are you and what did you do with Tori?”

“Come on,” Tori whined. “I brought you donuts.”

Deidara was walking with a slight limp, but he did accept the rest of the donut holes and then shuffled out the door.

“We can use my grounds, yeah,” he said, still sounding suspicious that she wanted to train at all. 

Deidara had his own assigned training ground, out in a field away from anything else. It was filled with half-made sculptures covered in tarp that Tori had decorated in fuuinjutsu herself, to reduce the chance of random explosions. 

The field was also completely riddled with potholes, blown into the ground by Deidara’s various experiments. Deidara wasn’t exactly quick on his feet right now, but he did spend the rest of the morning attempting to shove Tori into various holes and then close them over her, making fun of her the entire time. 

So probably she was improving at… something. Getting out of death traps, maybe.

[bladedhunter]

Starter for @reddawnmultimuse

In that case, day after tomorrow.

The words had been echoing in his mind for almost two days. Today was the day. The day after tomorrow. But it was still morning. There was still time. Time for Deidara to take back his dignity and control over himself. So that morning, he slipped out of the Akatsuki hideout, not telling anyone that he was going or where he was going.

It was difficult for him to think about what had happened two nights ago without getting impossibly turned on from just a memory, and also thoroughly disgusted with himself. Sasori no Danna. And yet he could barely use the term he'd always called his partner anymore, without... thinking of how they had used it that night.

A shiver ran down the blonde's spine, and he stuck his hands in his pockets, shaking his head as he walked down the streets of a small village, far away from the Akatsuki hideout. He doesn't think he had been followed. No one would find him here.

Even so, he glanced every so often behind his shoulder as night came, looking to see if he was being followed. Nothing, as the sun set.

At least, that's what he thought.

[feeniest]

Congrats on the followers!!! C: 🌼

I'd like to req deidara...my fav explody artsy angry man..

i accidentally drew this one a bit bigger than the others oops. dei...

[yowyowyaoi]

*at a Halloween party, Konan is standing next to Kisame and Itachi; Kisame is facing her and Itachi facing the opposite direction talking to someone else*

Konan: You know, I know I say it all the time, but, I’m truly envious of what you and Itachi have.

Kisame: What do you mean?

Konan: *points* That. Even though you’re talking to separate people, you’re still holding hands. That’s love.

Kisame: Ah. Well, you’re not wrong. I do love this man. But that’s actually not why I’m holding his hand right now.

Konan: Then why are you?

Kisame: Because if I let go for more than a few seconds, there would be chaos.

Konan: C-chaos? What do you mean??

Kisame, sighing: Watch.

Kisame: *very casually lets go of Itachi’s hand*

Itachi: *speeds across the room within milliseconds, leaping over tables and people, and attacks the bowl of Halloween candy*

Kisame: *runs over and catches him, holding his hand and gently pulling him away*

Konan: What the —

*Deidara and Obito come in; they’re handcuffed together*

Deidara, looking down at their hands, then at Konan: Er, I can explain this -

Konan: No need.

[ragingdumpsterfire]

Deidara NSFW Alphabet

Deidara x fem!reader || minors dni || 18+ ⚠️

This is my first time doing one of these alphabets, and lemme tell you, I struggled with it! Anyway, I fell in love with this adorable bastard, and couldn’t resist writing one for him.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Post-orgasm Deidara is extremely relaxed, drowsily murmuring about art ideas, and ends up falling asleep curled up with his head nuzzling the crook of your neck, or against your breasts. He always drapes an arm around your waist, and tangles his foot in your legs, as if he’s afraid to lose you in his sleep. He always sleeps deeply afterwards, a slight snore coming from him as his toned chest rises and falls rhythmically, and you enjoy the blissful, quiet moment taking in his soft features beneath his long hair as you drift into your own deep sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Deidara is particularly fond of his long, blonde hair. He loves the way you absentmindedly play with it when the two of you spend time together, and the way you pull on it as he’s going down on you.

As far as your body, he goes crazy for the small of your back and your hipbones, the spaces on your skin that peek out over the top of your pants. He loves when you lay on your stomach and lean on your elbows while studying a book, because it gives him the chance to lean over you, his long hair cascading over your curves, as his fingers gently grip your waist and his lips plant soft, tempestuous kisses along your back. Nothing gets him more excited than when you finally give in to your instincts and curve your back against him. He knows he’s got you riled up, and you laugh quietly as you feel his lips grin against your back.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

There’s nothing Deidara loves more than to pull out of you at the last second and finish on your back, stomach, face, pretty much anywhere as long as it’s on you. He says it’s the purest form of art, the expression of the passion ignited between the two of you, his artistic expression of devotion to you. Additionally, Deidara loves making you come on his fingers and tongue. He loves gazing up at you as he plunges his tongue deep within you, fingers expertly stroking your needy clit, feeling your tight walls clench around him, your sweet release flowing and flooding his senses.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Deidara really, really loves showing you off. He thought you were the finest form of art, and he took more than a little satisfaction showing you off. He wanted the jealous stares of both men and woman as they can’t keep their eyes off of you. He’d never tell you this, because he didn’t want you to think he viewed you as an object, but he really enjoyed the stroke to his ego knowing he had someone as beautiful as you at his side.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

What Deidara lacked in experience when you two first met, he more than made up for in confidence and natural charisma. Due to his artistic eye, he focuses on what makes drives you wild, and with the finesse of his skilled fingers (and much to your particular delight, the mouths in his hands), he soon had you coming undone time and time again.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Deidara loves any pose that lets him have control, whether it’s doggy style with his fingers wrapped in your hair or around your neck, or with you riding him as he grips your hips and controls your pace, watching your expressions as he pounds into you. He loves the feeling from being the dominant one in the relationship.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Aside from a few poorly timed comments about explosions, Deidara mostly takes his experiences with you seriously. He truly admires you and thinks of you as a true artist, and takes pride knowing you chose him as a partner.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

The rest of Deidara’s body is a stark contrast to his long, gorgeous blonde hair. He keeps his body smooth.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

As with his art, Deidara is completely consumed with the moments he spends with you. The two of you speak a similar language, and to him, experiencing you is akin to a religious experience. With that being said, he doesn’t hesitate to play rough.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When the two of you are separated, Deidara pulls out the letters you wrote him detailing all the ways you touch yourself while he’s not with you. You went into flourished detail, and it read like poetry. It was one of the reasons why he respected you, and originally fell for you. You were a true artist, and the way you formed your words caught his eye. And now, as his hand slicks rapidly over his throbbing member, he thinks of the scenario you painted so painfully clearly, of you with your slender fingers on your body, your eyebrows knit as you focus, the beautiful face you make as you feel waves of pure ecstasy, the way you cry out for him even in his absence, and moans your name as he spills over his hand.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Deidara has a bit of an exhibitionist side to him, as everything he does is a form of art, and therefore must be acknowledged by an audience. Deidara will happily take you aside for a quick fuck in any public place, and the louder you are, the harder and rougher he gets. More than once, various members of the Akatsuki had the unfortunate honor of walking in on you and Deidara, and now they were painfully familiar with the sounds you make when Deidara finishes in you.

You’ve also found out by accident that Deidara goes completely feral when you bite and kiss him hard enough to leave marks on his skin. He loves showing the marks off, considering himself your masterpiece.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

One of the best spots, according to Deidara, is sex on the back of his large clay bird, underneath the stars and the moon as the nighttime air glides over the two of you. You had to admit that it was on the more romantic side for him, and it was quite an exhilarating experience.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly just seeing you gets Deidara’s blood flowing south. You are his muse, his passion, his reason for breathing. Everything you do turns him on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

You’d never seen Deidara so pissed as when you teased him with the idea of shit play. Not that you had been serious, you had no interest in it either, but Deidara was fuming. No, he had shouted, not at you, but more at the idea. “It’s, it’s—uncouth! It’s unrefined!! IT. IS NOT. ART!!

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Deidara is particularly turned on by recovering oral, especially when he wraps his fingers in your hair, hand firmly on the back of your head, and thrusts roughly into your throat. He loves the way you take him so well, tears welling in your eyes, and his fingers resting on your throat so he can feel how deep you can take him. It drives him wild when you gag on his cock, and he doesn’t last long with his frantic thrusting before he spills his hot seed down your throat.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You and Deidara were prone to explosive, rough sessions of loud hard fucking, but you two were also known to have deep, passionate nights of lovemaking in which the two of you moved with intention in every motion. Every breath that pooled over the other’s skin, every brush of lips against panting breasts, every sigh and cry of ecstasy, it was all a deep, emotional experience. Deidara compared it to seeing a life changing piece of art.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Nothing Deidara does is half hearted, and fucking you is no exception. He likes to take his time with you, make sure he has you unraveled and trembling by the time he’s done with you. With that being said, Deidara won’t hesitate to spontaneously take you while out, because it comes with the added thrill of risking getting caught.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Deidara is more than willing to experiment. Location, positions, you name it. If it’ll get the both of you off, he’s up for trying anything new.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Deidara’s style is to focus on the quality vs quantity, and really take his time with you. By the time you’re both exhausted and drained, he’s had you come undone multiple times, and he finishes with, you called it, a big explosion.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

The two of you came to the conclusion that toys were unnecessary in this relationship, unless you count Deidara’s detonating clay, at very, very small amounts?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Deidara has a slightly sadistic side to him, and sometimes he applies that to the bedroom. The two of you have played with edging, and he does it so well with that taunting, sexy voice of his.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

True to his form in battle, Deidara is very vocal during sex. He expresses himself well, moaning your name, and the way he groans when you first start to tease him is truly heavenly.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Deidara’s always been interested in a threesome with you and another man. He wants to see you come undone with someone else, wants to take you from behind as the other man shoves his cock down your needy mouth.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Underneath Deidara’s Akatsuki robes is a strong and lithe body, flawless from scars due to his tactics as a long range ninja and prowess with explosives. He cares for his body as a temple, as he appreciates the more refined aspects of life. You’ve never been able to pry your eyes away from him form any time he removes articles of clothing, drinking him in as you gaze over his body, the teasing way the v shape on his abdomen leads your eye lower, the way his cock hangs as he doesn’t notice the way the lust shines in your eyes. He’s not large, pretty average as far as you knew, but he knows how to damn well use it to make you come undone over and over.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

To your delight, and sometimes irritation, Deidara has a very high sex drive. He finds not only your body addictive, but your intellect a turn on too. Anytime you two are in the same room, his hands will be all over you, his lips brushing over the sensitive spots on your neck as he tells you all the things he wants to do to you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Deidara is always falling asleep on you after sex, but it’s really quite adorable. The way the seriousness fades away, and he’s so completely happy that he drifts off while nuzzling you.

[ladykissingfish]

Woah not a question ig?? But can you write a Kisaita/Itakisa scenario? I dont see much of that on your page

*Kisame goes to Deidara’s room and stands in his doorway*

Kisame: Hey, brat … can we talk?

Deidara: Oh, man … are you here to give me shit about blowing up the last hideout, too? I’ve told you guys over and over it was an accident, hm! And besides, this place is much better! It’s cleaner and —

Kisame: *steps further into the room and shuts the door* No, no. I wanted to ask you about Itachi.

Deidara, surprised: Itachi? What about the Uchiha?

Kisame: *sits at the edge of Deidara’s bed* You guys are friends, aren’t you?

Deidara, grudgingly: I guess …

Kisame: I see you two talking together all the time. Does … does Itachi ever talk about me?

Deidara: About you? You mean like your guys’ missions?

Kisame, blushing slightly: No, no … I mean about me, specifically. Just me.

Deidara: Why would he talk about j— *it suddenly dawns on him what Kisame is asking* Oh. Oh. Really? Interesting, hm.

Kisame: *stands up* And on that note —

Deidara: *grabs Kisame’s arm and pulls him back down* Wait, wait, don’t go! When did this happen? How long has it been —

Kisame: Nothing has “happened”, kid. *sighs* And probably nothing ever will. Itachi is so beautiful, so smart and strong … he wouldn’t even look twice at a freak like me.

Deidara: Oi, Oi … stop saying shit like that. You ain’t no freak. And I can’t tell you if Uchiha thinks of you like that or not, hm. But you know what? When he does talk about you, he acts like you’re the greatest partner ever. He always goes on about how you take care of him on missions. Brags so much me and Hidan want to punch him in the face sometimes, hm.

Kisame: But all of that doesn’t mean he thinks of me as more than a friend.

Deidara: Maybe, but you know what, old man? *gets up and pulls Kisame up too, before pushing him towards the door* You’ll never know unless you go and talk to him.

Kisame: B-but … I’m not ready! I don’t even know where to start!

Deidara: If words aren’t your thing, maybe action is, hm. Like doing something that’ll let him know for sure that you like him.

Kisame: Such as?

Deidara: Something artistic, of course. *grins* Just leave it to me!

*the next day*

Itachi: *comes into Deidara’s room* Dei. I have a question for you.

Deidara: Yes?

Itachi: Did you tell Kisame to lay on my bed wearing nothing but “boxers” made of dango? And did you set up that display of sparklers to go off in the shape of a shark?

Deidara: Guilty.

Itachi: *steps over and hugs him* Thank you. Me and Kisame have a date for tonight. *walks out*

Deidara, to himself: Wait’ll they see the C-3 explosives I have rigged up to spell out Kisame x Itachi in the yard. Of course, everyone will be angry when the fire spreads and we have to move again, but —

[canonsinthehead]

What Ethnicity/Race are Naruto Characters?

Naruto: 25% Japanese, 75% White (Born and raised in USA)

Sasuke: Japanese

Sakura: Japanese or East European or Both

Kakashi: Japanese

Shikamaru: Japanese

Choji : Mongolian

Ino: Northen European (probably Swedish)

Asuma: Japanese Mixed Islander

Shino: German

Hinata: Japanese-Chinese

Kiba: Mexican

Kurenai: Spanish or Greek

Gaaara: Syrian

Temari: Lebanese

Kankuro : Moroccan

Baki: Egyptian

Tsunade: Russian

Jiraya: Japanese

Orochimaru: snake

Pain/Yahiko: Irish

Konan : French

Nagato: Japanese

Kakuzu : Jamaican

Hidan : Dutch

Itachi: Japanese

Kisame: Blasian (Japanese/Caribbean)

Sasori : idk yet

Deidara: German

Zetsu : Groot

Zabuza: Japanese-Latino (I chose Dominican Republic but It can be another country)

Haku : Japanese

Juuzo Biwa: Dominican (same as Zabuza)

All Uchiha clan: Japanese

Shisui uchiha: Rumored to be half breed, hence the negative disposition have against him. Blood mixing is forbidden in the Uchiha clan so not being pure blooded or even being a bastard is extremely frown upon. Shisui swears he is a whole Uchiha but many ignores his words and bring up this especially when questioning the nature of his abilities. He stopped fighting the accusations, it’s a joke to him at this point.

Hyuuga clan: Japanese-Chinese

Senju clan: Japanese

Kushina: Irish

Minato : Japanese

Kabuto : English

Yamato: Japanese

A, Killer Bee, Karui, Omoi, Darui : Black American

Shi/C: Korean

Raikage’s Assistant: Black biracial (like Doja Cat)

Samui (Fergie): American

Suigetsu: English (blasting that UK drill rap)

Karin: West European (idk from where)

Juugo: Japanese-American

Kimimaro : Korean

Danzo : Japanese

Sai : Japanese

Hiruzen: Japanese

Kawaki: Brazilian

Iwabe: Puerto Rican

Shizuma Hoshigaki: Japanese , 25% Caribbean

Fuu : Mexican

Utakata : Korean

(One Piece next...)

[felyxxx]

⇓ My AO3 Fics ⇓

Last update: 22.9. 2024 (14)

Hearts of the past (1/2) A,🚫 Hidan uncovers a side of Kakuzu he never knew existed. Beneath the mask of greed and rage lies a history of betrayal and loss of all that mattered.

For you have sinned (1/1) A,🚫 Kakuzu faces power beyond his abilities, and must confront truths about the past, his bond with Hidan, and his place in the game of gods and mortals.

Stuck (1/1) 🔞 Hidan chases a cat through a hole in a wall and gets stuck. What the hell is the stranger back there doing, and where the fuck is Kakuzu?

What happens in a motel (1/1) 🔞 Kakuzu was caught off guard by seeing Hidan in a compromising position with a stranger in a motel room.

Blood Bear Legend (1/1) C, ⭕️ Akatsuki members encounter an old lady spinning a tale of a legendary bear-beast with elemental powers.

Cold desert night (1/1) A,⭕️ For the last couple of weeks, Kakuzu nights have been restless.

Rest now (1/1/) C,🔞 In the aftermath of Sasori's death and Deidara's injury, Kakuzu finds himself drawn to the vulnerable artist's side.

Marks on my skin (1/1) 🔞 Hidan begs for a night at a hot spring hotel. Kakuzu's revelation of his past leads to a rare moment of vulnerability.

Domesticity (1/1) A,🚫 Kakuzu and Hidan navigate a surprising domestic life, reflecting the journey from partners to something more everlasting.

Subway (5/stop) AU,🔞 In a bustling subway, Hidan meets his idol, the pornstar Kakuzu, setting off on a journey of self-discovery into newfound desires.

Flames (1/1) 🔞 After a mission filled with chaos and carnage, Kakuzu and Hidan ignite a blazing storm of desire.

Game of Truth (1/1) C, A,⭕ The Akatsuki play a revealing game where deadly secrets and unexpected confessions come to light.

MonkFish (1/1) ⭕ Kakuzu and Hidan catch more than just fish on the beach; perhaps they are catching feelings.

Morning symphony (1/1) C, A,⭕ Kakuzu and Hidan, tasked to patrol the camp perimeter, unexpectedly find a surprising opportunity for connection.

♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡⎊♡ YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT EACH STORY UNDER #authors note C=Campfire Stories, A=Akai Ito, AU=Alternate Universe, ⭕🚫🔞=Spicy level