#by the way- the trans; nonbinary; AND agender flag are important here- because of the way i felt ripped of my identity in an instant.

[ilybigman]

"Stronger" Based on a recent experience I had.

CW: Eyestrain, Verbal harassment, Gender dysphoria, Objectification, Scopophobia/eyes, Repeating text, Panic attack (I missed some in the image, sorry.)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right?

The only choice I ever have is to get stronger; that's what I drew this comic for. I couldn't convey it well, I'm sorry- But I can try to explain.

A few days ago, I was bringing my sibling an umbrella because it was raining hard-- The trains were down and having a huge commotion, so I had to walk.

Figured I'd use the umbrella-- It's a cute one. Has cat ears, and a little cat face. Cute. Cute isn't it?

...Apparently, it gave some grown pig the autonomy to start catcalling me.

At first I was confused. I'm not a girl. I dont understand. I'm not a woman. I'm not. I'm not. Then why?? Why did I suddenly feel like I wanted to tear my skin off-- Why did I suddenly feel like something for people to stare at?

I felt like throwing up, I retched so many times on the walk, and kept breathing faster and faster. Yet-- All I can do is move on.

All I can do is get stronger. Build a harsher shell. Even when it hurts.

[caustic-light]

Hi! I haven't ever heard of an amab transman before, and googling it didn't do much good. Would you mind explaining it a bit for me please?

So the tldr (hindsight fry here, I started rambling about my life story instead. sorry, it happens, it’s also unedited because I do not have the energy to read right now) is that I am a man and I’m amab, but I don’t identify with the maleness that society pushed onto me because the doctors took a brief glance at my penis after I was born and that now is still on my passport for some reason. I am not a kind of man who is one of two options on a form and I reject the notions of manhood that come with the way society assigns gender.

[anyway, gonna insert an actual tldr right here: The manhood I experience is not the same binary manhood that society assigned to me. My transition is from one gender called man to anthother that shares the name, but is different because I built it for myself. I also describe it as trans manhood, because what made me figure it out was relating to trans men and feeling a kind of recognition and yearning for the process of transitioning to create a personal manhood]

I am however a man despite rejecting all of that. I am a man because manhood is something I am reclaiming and turning into something positive and hand tailored to myself and my own identity. I tried for a long time to move away, to identify as agender, to identify as some nebulous and vague shade of nb. It felt incredibly freeing, but it also felt like I was ripping a part out of me. Like I could only get out of the chains by sawing off the chained limbs.

So eventually I started identifying as a non binary man and it suddenly felt very good, because I could have both the freedom and the substance. I could connect to a form of manhood, because understanding that you can be both at the same time, that there can be versions of binary genders that are removed from that binary, that are free to exist in the nonbinary field, for me made me realize that my manhood was not the same gender as the one I was assigned. They just share the same name.

I didn’t id as trans right away, though. I felt was just neither cis, nor trans, because my imposter syndrome was too strong and I felt like being trans would not fit because I thought I was only moving away from something, not towards (which was my own rationalization for said imposter syndrome) But then I was at pride and I saw a group of teenagers all wrapped in trans flags and I felt the exact same way I felt as a 14y/o finding queer news/lifestyle sites for the first time, before figuring out I wasn’t straight. (It was queer.de for any german speakers in my audience who might be curious :p) So that was a thing. Then the Movie Luca came out and hit me over the head with a million emotional gut punches, that all fucked me up beyond recognition because of how much they resonated with my own life in a lot of different ways (and tearing open wounds and trauma I didn’t even know I really had in that way) and I started projecting hard onto Alberto, who’m I instantly latched onto as a trans boy. Side note, this is something I do a lot. I latch onto a character who resonates with me and then discover my own identity by making experimenting with them from a safe distance. Anyway, all of that was pretty fucking confusing because I knew what the feelings meant, but I was already a man. I had been a man my entire life. Why the fuck did I suddenly feel obsessed with this yearning for seeing myself as a trans man? Anyway, the answer was that I connected to trans manhood because it represented the relationship I wanted to have with my own. Manhood as something I had to build for myself, that I had to figure out, that wasn’t given to me. Something where I have the power to figure it out and I can make it whatever I want. And so I started hesitantly identifying as trans and it just felt incredibly good and fitting and like it added a very important puzzle piece to something that felt good before, but always unsatisfying.

Hope you enjoyed my unsolicited info dump about my entire life story.

[nerdygaymormon]

Pride Flags

1979 – Pride flag

At the request of Harvey Milk, Gilbert Baker designed a symbol of pride for the gay community to debut at the 1979 San Francisco Gay Freedom Day (at the time, gay was an umbrella term that included what we now would call the queer community). The original flag included 8 colors.

When Harvey Milk was assassinated, many wanted the Pride flag he commissioned as a symbol of the community. Demand was so great that there wasn’t enough hot pink fabric, and then to keep the design balanced, turquoise was also dropped.

This 6-color striped flag  is recognized as a symbol by queer people around the world no matter who they are, how they define, or who they love. 

Here are the meanings behind the colors in the Pride flag:

Red = Life

Orange = Healing

Yellow = Sunlight

Green = Nature

Blue = Harmony

Violet = Spirit

1995 – Polyamory Pride flag

Designed by Jim Evans

Blue : representing openness and honesty among all partners

Red : representing love and passion

Black : representing solidarity with those who must hide their polyamorous relationships from the outside world  

In the center of the flag is a gold Greek lowercase letter "pi", as the first letter of "polyamory". Gold represents "the value that we place on the emotional attachment to others... as opposed to merely primarily physical relationships".

There have been a number of alternative flags developed by the polyamory community since 1995 that incorporate both the original colors and the infinity heart sign, which represents the infinite love for multiple partners at the same time. The heart represents love and the lemniscate represents openness rather than infinity/ eternity.

1998 – Bisexual Pride flag

Michael Page designed this flag in order to raise the visibility of bisexuals, both in and out of the LGBT community. Page said the message of the flag was the idea that the purple blends into both the blue and pink in the same way that bisexual people often blend unnoticed into both gay and straight communities. The flag is inspired from the “biangles,” which are two overlapping triangles in the stereotypical colors for boys and girls.

Michael wanted to avoid pink triangles as they were used by Nazi Germany to brand gay men. He also slightly changed the shades of the colors.

Page describes the meaning of the colors in the flag as:

Pink : represents sexual attraction to the same sex only (gay and lesbian)

Blue : sexual attraction to the opposite sex only (straight)

Purple : the resultant overlap color represents sexual attraction to both sexes (bi)

2000 – Transgender Pride flag

Monica Helms, a trans woman, designed this flag and it was first flown at the 2000 Pride Parade in Phoenix. 

Monica explains, “The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct. This symbolizes us trying to find correctness in our own lives.”

Light blue is the traditional color for baby boys

Pink is for girls

White in the middle is for those who are transitioning, those who feel they have a neutral gender or no gender, and those who are intersex

Late 2000’s – Ally Pride flag

The “A” represents allies & activism and it’s in the rainbow colors that represents the queer community.

The black and white bars represent opposites, since allies are cis & attracted to opposite sex/gender on the binary

2010 – Pansexual Pride flag

This flag is used to increase visibility and recognition of the pansexual community, and to distinguish it from bisexuality. The pansexual flag consists of three colored horizontal bars.

Pink : represents those who identify within the female spectrum (regardless of biological sex)

Blue : represents those who identify within the male spectrum (regardless of biological sex)

Yellow : represents non-binary attraction, such as androgynous, agender, bigender and genderfluid people.

2010 – Asexual Pride flag

A contest was held to create an Asexual Flag. A flag of striped colors was chosen as it fits with the designs of most other Pride flags and avoids controversy that could be had if symbols were included. 

Black:  Asexuality.

Grey: Grey-Asexuality and Demisexuality.

White: Non-asexual partners and allies.

Purple: Community

2011 – Genderqueer Pride flag

Created by Marilyn Roxie. For people who are uncomfortable with the word “queer,” they refer to this as a nonbinary flag

Lavender – androgyny

White – agender

Green – nonbinary

2012 – Genderfluid Pride flag

JJ Poole created this flag.

Pink : feminity

Blue : masculinity

Purple : both masculinity & feminity

Black : lack of gender

White : for all genders

2012 – Polysexual Pride flag

A Tumblr user who is a poly individual with the signature “Samlin” submitted this design. He made it similar to the bi and pan flags, since they’re all in under the multisexual umbrella.  

Samlin felt it important distinguish polysexuals from the others--Bi who are attracted to people from 2 genders, and Pan who are attracted to people regardless of gender. Poly is someone who is sexually attracted to multiple, but not all, genders. 

The flag uses the blue and pink, as does the bi & pan flags, but replaces the purple and yellow stripes with a green one.     

Pink: attraction to female-identified people.

Green: attraction to people who identify outside the traditional male-female binary.

Blue: attraction to male-identified people

2013 – Demisexual Pride flag

Similar colors to the Asexual Pride flag, the Demisexual Pride flag was created specifically to represent those with “a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond”

 Black stands for asexuality

Grey represents Gray-Ace and demisexuality

White represents sexuality

Purple represents community

2013 – Intersex Pride flag

The intersex flag was created by Morgan Carpenter of Intersex Human Rights Australia. 

The flag features nongendered colors that celebrate living outside the binary. The circle means unbroken, whole, complete.  

2014 – Agender Pride flag

Created by Salem X, this flag has seven horizontal stripes. 

The black and white stripes represent an absence of gender (instead of being blue & pink)

The gray represents semi-genderlessness

The central green stripe represents nonbinary genders because it is the inverse of purple and purple is a mix of blue & red which often are used to identify m/f binary.

2014 – Nonbinary Pride flag

Created by activist Kye Rowan, it is intended to go alongside Marilyn Roxie’s genderqueer flag, not to replace it. Each stripe color represents different types of non-binary identities:

Yellow is for those whose gender exists outside or without reference to the gender binary, because yellow is often seen to distinguish something as its own

White is for those with many or multiple genders as white represents the presence of color or light

Purple for those who feel their gender is a mixture of both male and female genders as purple is the mix of traditional boy & girl colors. The purple also could be seen as representing the fluidity and uniqueness of nonbinary people.

Black is for individuals who feel they are without gender, as black is the absence of color or light

2014 – Aromantic Pride flag

The Aro community worked together to create a flag and redesigned it several times before eventually landing on this 5-striped flag. Here’s the meaning of the stripes:

 Green – Aromantic. This color chosen because it’s the opposite of red, which is commonly used to indicate romance

Light Green – represents that there is an aro spectrum, not everyone is 100% aro

White – Platonic relationships

Gray – represents gray-romantic (experiences romantic attraction, but not often) and demiromantic (can experience romantic attraction after forming an emotional connection with a person)

Black – represents the sexuality spectrum (aro people can have any sexual orientation)

2017 – Philadelphia People of Color Inclusive Flag

Noting that people of color are often not fully included in the queer community, Philadelphia added the black and brown stripes and flew the flag outside City Hall for Pride Month. 

While the impulse to be more inclusionary is good, this flag sparked controversy as the traditional flag already was meant to include all LGBTQ people and none of the other colored stripes represent skin color. And some people argued additional stripes should be added, such a white stripe for white people. 

In times when people of color need to be lifted & highlighted, this flag does a good job.

2018 – Lesbian Pride flag

You’ll find a lesbian flag from 2010 included in the list of flags for gender and sexual minorities, however it’s not common for lesbians to use that flag. The reason is that pink flag was seen as representing those who have a more feminine gender expression (lipstick lesbians), which means it didn’t feel inclusive to much of the lesbian community.  

A new flag for the lesbian community was introduced in 2018, one with much less pink and meant to represent all lesbians, not just a subset. It seems to be on its way to being better accepted, but we’ll see. Each color represents key aspects of lesbianism:

Transgressive Womanhood

Community

Gender Nonconformity

Freedom

Love

2018 - Progress Pride Flag

Inspired by the Philadelphia People of Color Inclusive Flag, Daniel Quasar added a 5-color chevron to the traditional LGBT Rainbow Flag as a way to emphasize greater inclusion and progress. 

The traditional 6 color stripes are retained so as not to take away from their original meanings. 

The additional stripes added to the left side of the flag are meant to look like an arrow to represent forward movement because more progress is needed. 

The pink, light blue and white are from the Transgender Pride Flag. 

The black & brown stripes represent LGBT communities of color and those living with & who’ve been lost to AIDS.

[cats-moss-gays]

@terflies

You’ve been all over my posts so I’m just going to consolidate into this one. I’m tired of scrolling past your long and quite frankly boring responses. This post will be divided into sections. If you’re going to respond please say something interesting. However I doubt either of us will ever change the other’s mind. These are kind of like closing statements and I doubt I’ll make anymore major responses because I’m trying to stay focused on offline things.

1. Unanswered Questions

There are some questions and statements in my reblogs that you conveniently ignored.

Definition of a woman? You responded with some generic bs that very clearly isn’t an answer. I’ll be more specific, what should the dictionary definition be? Any ideas?

If I don’t feel like a woman am I allowed to identify as one? You said you weren’t going to humour this question but it is applicable to me and many other gc women. I definitely don’t have any internal feeling of womanhood, or any gender. Does this mean I have to be agender? Is the female gender label restricted to a certain feeling? Or is there absolutely nothing that women have in common?

What is the feeling of womanhood? You kind of answered this but I have a follow up question. You say the feeling of womanhood is enjoying being perceived as a woman. If I feel indifferent to this does it mean I’m not a woman? Additionally, many women feel uncomfortable with being perceived as a woman because of the misogyny associated with the label, does this make them men?

2. Inaccurate Statements and Lies

I don’t believe any “TRAs” define women by gender roles

You may not but there are many who do. It’s also important to point out how deeply ingrained gender roles are in society; you can’t stop them by just saying your choices exist in a vacuum. I’m sure you think I’m just making this up for fun, so here are some examples ;)  x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

So this whole…thing is dishonest from the start. Gender does not replace sex.

In another post you said that laws should be based on gender instead of sex. So which is it, either gender isn’t replacing sex or it is. When feminists talk about sex based oppression they’re called terfs. When gay people say their attraction is based on sex they’re called transphobic. When people were saying that only females get cervical cancer, they were called violent transphobes. Gender is absolutely attempting to replace sex as the basis of legal protections, safe spaces, political movements, etc. Two of the top post on my blog are more extreme example of this. x - x

BONUS: You’re saying TERF rhetoric

3. The “Questions” Post

You seem very confused about how to define biological sex and to some extent I understand that but you have to stop playing dumb. There must be some way that doctors are able to identify the sex of a fetus before it’s even born in the vast majority of cases, right? And before you try to say I’m just ignoring the existence of intersex people or trying to deny science, I’ll point out that I have watched and read a lot of “sex is a spectrum” stuff. I understand that DSDs exist and that biology is complicated. Our disagreement is mostly not over the facts but over how to define them. I know that however I explain it you’ll pretend you don’t understand it, so instead I’ll just link you to some other sources that explain it more in depth. x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

A third sex—and many creatures have more than two—does not necessarily mean a third gamete. Mostly this question is a childish distraction, but if you were to use a strict, gamete-based definition of sex the answer would be “none”.

So all infertile people are a third sex? To be female you have to be able to bear children? And you call me regressive, yikes. This can be debunked with the same sources from above but I wanted to feature it in my post because I want people to know that you think there’s a third sex.

I made a quick little chart to compare all the things gender has been compared to! The difference is that while many are socially defined, gender is socially constructed. If someone never interacted with other humans, they would still have a skin color, have or not have specific abilities, have a sexual orientation, and be male or female. They would not have an observable gender identity.

1 - You refuse to humor my questions about being a woman who doesn’t feel like one, however this is not in bad faith; I do want to know what you think. Many gc/radfems, including myself, and many women in general do not have a specific feeling of gender. This is especially true for gnc women, who often feel a disconnect from the feminine gender role and subsequently, the feminine gender. The solution is to realize that there are no standards to conform to to be a woman, no clothes or interests or feelings, just the biological reality one is born with.

2 - You say “the feeling of womanhood is enjoying being called a woman” but what does that mean? It’s circular reasoning, a fallacy called begging the question. How do you know you are a woman? If I gave up being a terf on tumblr, how would you advise that I identify if I don’t think I feel like a woman? My current plan was to just pick the mogai flag with the prettiest colors, but I’m thinking maybe there’s more to it than that...

3 - See my explanation above. Sex is comparable to race or disability or sexuality; gender is not.

4 - You say genders are social classes. If they are indeed social classes, they are unnecessary ones that reinforce oppression. They are undefinable when not based on biological sex or gender roles. The other example of classes I can think of is wealth. Wealth classes have obvious divisions, you can’t just identify into more money. Gender has nothing that is shared by every woman, man, or nonbinary, so you can just identify in and out of classes. Additionally, if there are like 100 genders, are there 100 classes? 

4. The “Biological” Sex Post

Gender does not replace sex

Then why are TRAs trying to say sexuality, legal protections, bathrooms, spaces, political movements, etc should be based on gender instead of sex? You keep contradicting yourself; you should talk to your fellow trans activists because many would disagree. Also see my response in part two.

A number of points here aren’t factually wrong but simple (*simply) irrelevant

So you would agree that biological sex is important and that it is relevant to many conversations? Then why were people getting mad about this?

Or this?

On to the specific examples. This post is long enough already and I’m not going to spoon feed basic biology to you because you’ll probably just ignore it. I referenced a variety of sources earlier. I’ll just reference Invisible Women since it’s an amazing book.

1. This first point is, appropriately enough, true in isolation; it just doesn’t support Paradox Institute’s argument. Listing it leads the audience to believe that truth is on their side, but PI do nothing at all to justify that.

So nothing here is true? They’re just lying? Here are their sources btw.

2. Generally irrelevant, but not entirely biologically accurate, either. It isn’t that ‘male’ and ‘female’ are categories intrinsic to nature that produce small, motile and large, immotile gametes respectively; ‘male’ and ‘female’ are labels we assign (generally, but not always) according to gamete size.

So it’s not relevant that one sex has the ability to carry children or menstruation or get an abortion? It’s not like there’s any issues women face specifically for that, right? So we assign the labels male and female to gametes. If you want to play semantics, sure, we created the words, but the gametes themselves already existed. Not really sure what you’re trying to say here other than disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing and moving some words around. Are you implying that the categorizations of gametes are subjective? Are you saying there’s a spectrum of gametes?? Are eggs just big sperm and sperm just small eggs??? Genuinely have no idea what the fuck you’re trying to prove here.

3. Whatever your opinion of evolutionary psychology, this does not preclude gender. (On the contrary, we ought to include gender in our understanding of cultural development with respect to sex.)

The only gender in history was gender roles, and both were tied to sex in most cases. Sex absolutely came before gender and is more integral to our existence. In any time before the last few decades, gender and sex were basically synonyms.

4. Entirely a straw argument. And, to the contrary, precision greater than two sex categories would be beneficial (i.e. specific sex characteristics, history, endocrinology etc.).

Obviously doctors don’t just diagnose based on sex, they factor in medical history and other traits. Precision is irrelevant because it still focuses on sex not gender. If it’s “entirely a straw argument” why did someone else reblog your response with this?

Speaking as a member of a medical family, the medical one fucking OFFENDS me.

Blood type HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GENDER. Or biological sex! Both are totally irrelevant! And medication dosage is determined by AGE and SIZE. A 25-year-old 160-pound person with a penis needs the exact same dose as a 25-year-old 160-pound person with a vagina. In fact, possibly LESS of a dose, if the person with a penis is 5’10” and the person with a vagina is 5’5”. (The taller person may be underweight.)

This is just. UGH. I could scream.

@prismatic-bell​ this is one of the funniest and dumbest replies I’ve ever gotten. First of all “member of a medical family” tf is that lmao. This reminds me of that post where the “medical worker” tra turned out to be a garbage collector guy. I have no idea why you brought up blood type when it is literally never mentioned in the original post. Strawman much? Fucking obviously blood type isn’t affected by sex, and you’re completely missing the point if you think gender has anything to do with this. Medication dosage is decided by age and size, yes, but also biological sex. This is like basic medical science, dumbass. Mandatory reading from Invisible Women as punishment for your stupidity crimes:

People called her a terf for this :)

5. How sports are best divided is a far broader question than this point implies. We could, for example, segregate sports by relevant physical attributes (as is already the case in some sports) rather than by sex or gender. This point also presupposes (but does not justify) that a woman having an advantage in women’s sports by dint of being trans is significantly greater than an advantage any woman might have by dint of her natural attributes (which, empirically, she does not) and hence would be unfair. That said, enforcement of “female” sports is already marred by racism and perisexism.

You agree sex and gender are different, yes? So then why should males be in female sports? You’re trying to distract me with that stuff about physical performance and whatever. Focus on the question at hand, should males be allowed into female sports? We cannot eradicate sex-segregated sports because female athletes will be even more systematically disadvantaged. If you were truly a feminist you’d understand that female sports are the result of the movement you claim to support. More Invisible Women facts plus some interesting info about the plough hypothesis:

6. Simply untrue. Excluding trans women from statistics about women on the basis that doing so would affect those statistics is arbitrary at best. Those statistics may change, but that does not mean they are unsuitable or inappropriate. The exclusion of any subset of women can be justified in exactly the same way.

Nope! Stop trying to use women of color and intersex women as justifications for why we should let men pretend to be women. You’ve seen the hundreds of receipts of trans women committing all sorts of male violence. Has anyone found anywhere near a comparable number of trans men doing similar things? They have not, even though if trans men were truly men they would be much more violent.

7. The majority of single-sex spaces are, functionally, just as much single-gender (owing to the traditional equivalence of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ and to the majority of the population being cis. Trans people have been using spaces appropriate to their gender for decades, whereas concerns about them doing so are based on speculation and hypotheticals rather than fact. (Aided, as with a lot of bigotry, by bad and manipulated statistics.)

I’ve spoken about my opinions on the bathroom debate before. If a passing trans person uses the bathroom of their choice I don’t really care, but there have already been many examples of men making women uncomfortable in their bathrooms, or worse. Making all bathrooms gender neutral is by far the worst idea, but unfortunately that seems to be where we’re headed. More Invisible Women, just for fun:

8. This is the worst red herring, exploiting violent misogyny for the sake of argument. It is another straw argument, too, since—even ignoring trans-positive feminism in practice and assuming trans people act only in self-interest—trans people are concerned with addressing such injustice.

Sure, many trans people are supportive of feminism. But we can’t effectively dismantle the patriarchy if we can’t accurately describe the (sex-based) oppression involved. Women are routinely silenced when talking about our biology, even when there is no “transphobic” language involved. “Trans-positive feminism” also often reinforces misogyny by supporting sex work and porn, and by shutting down analysis of things like femininity and makeup because “some women like it.” See also from trans activists: misogyny racism homophobia + lesbophobia

9. Similar to (7) there is no consistent distinction between sex and gender across law. Even so, this is another red herring as it is possible to recognise both sex and gender in laws and policies. Some laws already do (at least functionally, if not explicitly).

You can deny it but the TRA train is leaving without you and they’ve been clear about their goals. As you’ve seen in this post, gender is intended to replace sex. Those who bring up sex-based issues are silenced as “terfs” who deserve the hatred thrown at them.

Sorry for making such a long post but I was on a roll so I just kept writing. I don’t expect @terflies​ to respond to all of this but I wanted an excuse to make some sort of masterpost that links to a lot of my other posts and can be used in the future. Online school is going pretty well and I’m trying to start some doing some hobbies that are better than tumblr blogging.

[ianv-s]

Okay I saw something and it really made me smile. I found comfort in their words :)

So, I'm here to share it in case it can help anyone. It is a quote from a Quora post about what it means to be nb for you. Lim Shu Ning is the author of the following text.

"One of my greatest difficulties when exploring my gender identity has been trying to wrap my head around what gender even is. Many of these things are nebulous and difficult to articulate because language is imperfect, and I have been feeling my way through them the past two years.

I think that gender is a cluster of things that resists simplification. It is very tempting to declare that "all gender is just X", where X could be: biology, power, socialisation, performance, chromosomes, whether you like dolls or trucks, dysphoria etc etc, just to avoid having to think about this mess.

When people say things like “only two genders penis and vagene!!11!” I hear their discomfort with complexity and desire for simplification. This is understandable, but such statements are simply not true. People use the word "gender" to mean different things in different contexts, and it is impossible to say anything useful about gender that is absolutely true all the time, except the most frustrating simplification of all: "a woman is someone who identifies as a woman".

So if gender is a cluster of things and not just one thing, so is being a certain gender. Just as every woman would have many different responses to what it means to be a woman, I have many responses to what being nonbinary means to me personally.

Colour is an analogy that has been very useful for me. If we think of the two binary genders as blue and red for example, I see my gender as green: a third gender, not derivative of or related to the two existing one, that is just its own thing. In this analogy, non-binary people who see themselves as somewhere on the spectrum in between male and female would be a shade of purple, and agender people who simply do not have an internal sense of gender would be white. Incidentally, the genderqueer pride flag colours are lavender, white and green, by similar reasoning.

It has been quite clear to me for a while that I am indeed genderqueer, even though I am even now still figuring out what that means. To extend the colour analogy, I think it’s like being a toddler and knowing what my favourite colour is even though I cannot explain what colour or vision even is, or WHY.

Here are how I personally relate to a small selection of the aspects of gender, which I see as facets of being non-binary/icing on the gender cake:

I feel affirmed when people refer to me using they/them pronouns, or when strangers alternate pronouns randomly. It is quite upsetting when friends who should know better forget or don’t try hard enough

I like to be referred to in gender neutral terms, occasionally feminine terms by certain people, sometimes masculine terms in certain contexts

I relate to the political struggle of womanhood, trans people, and gender minorities. I experience misogyny, and am policed for being gender nonconforming. I’m a queer trans feminist and fight the cisheteropatriarchy (the system of power in society which privileges cis straight men)

I experience discomfort with the gendered attributes of my body sometimes

I prefer to be in mixed gender groups, and feel uncomfortable in large groups with too many men (cis men may not know what I mean; I think it’s a common feeling among people who aren’t cis men)

I enjoy genderfuckery and messing with people’s expectations and assumptions

It is very important to me to be out to most of my friends and family and for them to understand that I am not a man or a woman

Ideally I would like strangers to read me as genderqueer, but failing which I would like them to be confused about my birth sex. In practice I am actually generally read as either a masculine woman or a man, and I’m not sure which I prefer, I feel quite ambivalent currently

Before I started really thinking about gender and taking good long hard looks at my feelings, I didn’t feel strongly about any of these things. I took for granted that because I was assigned a certain gender at birth, I would (have to) be referred to and live and present myself as such. Only when I started to explore my options and break apart all these things did I start to become more aware of my actual preferences and internal sense of gender.

I still don’t completely know what gender is, nor can anyone. But these days when I sit quietly by myself and introspect, I “feel” genderqueer, and sometimes a bit like a woman. What does that mean??! Well, it's all the above listed things, but also a bit more than that. It is an innate internal sense that I've developed/become more aware of through questioning and experimentation. Gender identity, I think, is greater than the sum of its parts. Some of it is ineffable, and we can only try.

Side note: Lots of people, cis and trans, are born with a strong sense of gender and know by age five. But some cis and “cis-by-default” people who don’t experience distinct easily identifiable discomfort with or have any other reason to question their assigned genders, simply don’t. They are hence assumed cis and live as such, possibly forever, or until such time as they do have a think about it. "

[ayy-spec]

Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

·  to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me  (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

·  :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

·  i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way. 

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

[wedontcareaboutyourbinary]

terf (and other radfem) dogwhistles & warning signs

I wanted to make an easy guide to helping people identify terfs and other radfems. 

Followers, if you have anything to add on, feel free to reblog and add it, or shoot an ask and we’ll add it!

dog whistles: things that are said by the person in question that may indicate radical feminism and transmisogyny; that may not sound radfem or transmisogynistic at first glance.

note: these are dog whistles. that means plenty of people may say these things without knowing what they mean in terf circles. just because someone says some of these things (with perhaps the exclusion of ‘gender critical’ and a few others), it doesn’t inherently indicate they’re a terf. look further, read more that the person has said, etc. before making a judgement. basically use dog whistles as red flags, not as confirmation. however, ones that are huge terf red flags are marked with asteriks (*), so judge accordingly.

lesbian = female homosexual* - sounds correct enough at first glance, however, this phrasing (or similar variants) is frequently used by terfs to say “a lesbian is a vagina-having female attracted exclusively to other vagina-having females,” as to terfs, homosexual does not mean someone exclusively attracted to the same gender, but someone exclusively attracted to people of the ‘same sex,’ which for terfs means perisex cis people.

gender critical/gender abolitionist - on the surface, these labels may sound good! trans people talk all the time about how difficult gender is to navigate, about not understanding gender, and so forth. however, when terfs call themselves these things, they don’t mean that they’re critical of the gender binary, or want to do away with gender assignment. rather, what they mean here is that “yes, gender is a social construct, however, it is a meaningless one. what really matters is sex, which is binary male and female, and only (cis) females can be lesbians (female homosexuals).” ‘gender criticals’ often view gender as synonymous with gender roles, and view trans women as awful men who further the ‘oppressive institution’ of gender. in spite of being informed about the terf connotations of these terms, some people insist on calling themselves gender critical because they’re using the “actual definitions of the words,” not going off the terf meaning. 

TRA - stands for “trans rights activist.” that’s a good thing! we care about trans people, we want them to have rights! however, i have only ever seen this acronym used by terfs, talking negatively about trans people and their allies (and, as i’ve seen it pointed out, it’s very possible that the acronym is meant to be similar to MRA)

terf is a slur / cis is a slur* - the former is said by terfs to try and guilt people out of identifying them as such (terf stands for “trans (woman) exclusionary/(exterminatory) radical feminist”), the latter is meant to take language from trans people, and try to make trans people look more “othered” (i.e. terfs want there to be “normal women” and then “trans women/male invaders,” not “trans women” and “cis women” and “nonbinary women,” etc.)

Womyn* - may seem obvious, but almost the only people who spell “woman” or “women” as “womyn” (or variants such as “wombyn”) are radical feminists.

females and males - if the person is a terf and they don’t call women ‘womyn,’ it’s likely that they refer to people as ‘females’ and ‘males’ instead of as women and men.

lesbian not queer - plenty of non-terf lesbians say this one, simply because they aren’t comfortable being called queer! however, when combined with other dog whistles, it should send up red flags.

natal woman / woman born woman* - “woman born woman” sounds like it would be another way of saying “cis woman- a woman assigned female at birth, who identifies as a woman! but that’s not the case. woman born woman means “a woman who was born as a woman (for the people who say this, that means someone who was born with ‘female parts’), not a nasty male invader who thinks he’s a woman”

TIM and TIF* - means “transgender identified male” (referring to trans women) and “transgender identified female” (referring to trans men). they don’t look harmful at first- they’re reminiscent of the MtF and FtM acronyms perhaps, at a first look, but they’re almost exclusively used by terfs, and once you know what they mean, you realize they’re inherently misgendering people.

Woman-only spaces - again, this is a grayer one. there are spaces that are women only! However, when  combined with other dogwhistles, it means it’s likely the person only has afab people in mind when talking about women here.

Dysphoric female* - a phrasing almost only ever used by terfs.

Genderists* - what many terfs call people who support trans people/trans people as a whole. Also look for genderism.

Gender cult / Trans cult* - in spite of the fact that many people, both outside of radfem circles and ex-radfems, have pointed out how these spaces are often very cult-like (asking too many questions is looked down upon, dissenting with the group is punishable through social ostracization and shaming, and so forth), terfs continually try to portray any trans space as being a cult (often implying that trans women are the most powerful in these spaces and are like cult leaders)

Libfems - this definitely isn’t the biggest one. plenty of people use it to refer to that Generally Wishy Washy Doesn’t Do Anything brand of mainstream feminism, I’ve seen non-terfs use it in that sense, and liberal feminism is also an actual brand of feminism. However, radfems basicallly use it to refer to any feminism that’s not radical feminism, and use the term frequently. So if it’s combined with other dogwhistles and warning signs, consider it a red flag. Especially concerning if it’s being used in an insulting/derogatory manner. 

Kink critical - a general radfem dogwhistle for very similar reasons to “gender critical,” rarely refers to interacting with kink critically but rather that thinking all kink is bad and needs to be abolished, that people who are kinky are either abusive or stuck in the patriarchy’s grasp, etc. however, like with gender critical, some people choose to use it anyways to refer to actually interacting with kink in a critical mindset, ignoring the radfem connotations.

Male invaders - used to refer to trans women in general; terfs claim that trans women are cis men trying to play dress up and “invade” spaces for “women born women.”

warning signs: other red flags that aren’t short little phrases, but likely are still present on blogs, social media, in conversation with, etc. in regards to terfs. similar to dog whistles.

gender essentialism - basically, the belief/ideology that men and women are inherently different down to their very essence. some things to watch for: (in pagan/witch circles) claims that only women are capable of being witches/that magic is inherently female, claims or attitudes that men are inherently by nature more violent, claims or attitudes that women are inherently by nature superior/wiser/smarter/etc. than men

condescending, self-serving concern towards afab nonbinary people (and sometimes cis lesbians who support trans people) - while some terfs vehemently view afab nb people as, in short, nasty traitors, some terfs view us as women who are lost and misguided, who have been sucked into the trans cult and need to be saved from it. however, many terfs switch from that view to viewing us as annoying lost causes when they find they’re unable to “save” us. some terfs hold a similar view towards cis and afab nb lesbians who support trans people (especially trans women), and claim that we only do it because we’ve been manipulated and shamed into it, and that we need rescuing by radfems to fully embrace our lesbianism. watch for: referring to afab nb people, nb women, and nb lesbians as lost/misguided, talks of being ‘traitors’ to one’s gender/sex or ‘betraying’ one’s gender/sex, posts that it’s okay to be gnc and not be nb (not bad in and of itself! but sometimes a terf red flag)

reduction of nonbinary identity - disclaimer: (afab) nb lesbians can be terfs just like cis lesbians can! plenty of terfs claim that gender is fake/isn’t real and that they don’t have a gender (some even use terms like agender), however, they think that sex is what matters, and thus still view themselves as lesbians, align with terf ideology, and so forth. basically, reducing the importance of nonbinary identity to emphasize the “importance of sex” while also being nonbinary. watch for: “gender is fake, i’m a female” and other such phrases, generally identifying as genderless/not having a gender while also supporting radfem rhetoric

fake/self-serving concerns about trans kids - not in the sense of being concerned about trans children living in a transphobic society, but rather, concerns that gnc kids, tomboyish girls, etc. are being misidentified as trans and being forced into a trans identity, especially in regards to afab children. watch for: any talk about children. watch for: anything about parents ‘forcing’ transgender identity on their children

radfem brand biphobia - biphobia in a way that’s often specifically execued by radfems. watch for: claims that bi women prioritize men over women (especially if there is a claim that bi women are incapable of prioritizing women over men), claims that bi women force lesbians to care about “het relationships” or prioritize and care about men, etc.

[official-queer]

sooo i figured it’d be helpful for me to make a complete post on my thoughts on pansexual as a label. i've answered a few asks about this and then figured i'd covered it enough, but i realize that i covered separate points in each post/ask. 

i'll try to make it as organized as possible, but y'all know i'm the king of run-on sentences and unnecessarily long statements and restatements. so yeah, this is gonna be a long one, fellas

"bi = two, pan = all"

in reality, the bi identity has always included attraction to all genders. i'm sure you'll've heard it time and time again, but the 1995 bisexual manifesto states very clearly that bi people are not duogamous in their attraction. insisting that bisexuality is only for attraction to cis men and cis women paints bisexuality as transphobic, as well.

the pan label became so popular with the rise of awareness of nonbinary identities because people started to find it important to state they were also attracted to nonbinary people. the whole pan- prefix was specifically picked because people were aware that "nonbinary" was merely a category for those who fell outside of the imposed male-female dichotomy, and under which several hundred genders could fall.

so... bisexual includes all these hundreds of genders, and pansexual specifies these hundreds of genders. seems redundant, but what's the issue?

"some people find the distinction important"

this is a sentiment i've heard brought up as an argument to just leave pan people alone. but i don't find it quite so valid an argument, irony not intended. *why* is the distinction so important? how come one can concede that bi people like all genders too, but you *must* let people know you are the type of "m-spec" who is definitely able to be attracted to all genders?

the idea one can id as pan but still agree that bi people can also feel the same way a pan person does is contradictory. you are attempting to label an experience as x and argue that it's a necessary label, when there was already a label for x and y. the very idea of a "distinction" is to point out how something is *different*. it's completely redundant.

so if bi and pan are the same, is there some other reason why someone would prefer pan over bi?

"attraction regardless of gender"/"hearts not parts"

i'm lumping these two together because, despite sounding like different points, they argue the same thing in the end. it's just that one is more subtle.

when the label of pansexual was in it's formative years, some sought to argue that pan *is* different from bi, because pansexuals do not consider gender when they are gauging attraction to someone. there are several problems with this.

this switches pan from a "who" label (correct usage of a sexuality label, denoting to whom you are attracted, referring to gender), to a "how" label (incorrect usage of a sexuality label, denoting in what circumstances one feels attraction, not accounting for gender). with the other definition of pan, the "who" was simple - anyone of any gender. with this definition, the "how" is now involved, that being without regarding gender.

within normal parameters of a sexuality label, as in, a "who" label, it is functionally the same as the previous definition. you are still attracted to any gender.

just as well, it can be used just as well for a bi person attracted to all genders. many bi people have stated this is exactly how they feel, and so you jump back to the distinction argument. but also, many gay and straight people have also expressed that gender plays no part in *how* they feel their attraction. their attraction may only include one or so gender(s), but beyond that, it's not something that factors in.

many trans and specifically nonbinary people have stated distaste at this definition as it is dismissive of gender. one gets the impression that their gender struggles, growth, identity, etc. is not important to the pan who uses this definition.

specifically in regards to "hearts not parts", a very popular quote around the early years of the pan label - this gives the very strong idea that pan people are claiming that only their sexuality involves being attracted to the important parts of someone; their mind, their soul, their identity beyond gender, etc.. this is just... yuck.

just as well, this further pushes the pretty prevalent idea among mogai/inclus that gay, bi, and straight people are driven solely by sexual desire. while the "hearts not parts" phrase is uniquely pansexual in nature, the sentiment is shared by inclus asexual and other people using "how" labels, such as demisexual and other "a-spec" people. this sentiment is considered pretty homophobic, because while the idea seems to be against gay, bi, *and* straight people, it is weaponized frequently in opposition to gay and bi folk, especially lesbians.

"it's just a preference"

preferences are for flavors of ice cream. i highly doubt one is basing their whole identity on the phonetic sounds of "pan" vs. "bi", or a "prettier flag", or what have you. typically, if one dives deeper into what exactly these "preferences" are, they almost all lead back to misconceptions about bi as a label.

differing community

it's no secret that pansexual people have, at an alarming rate, culminated for themselves a unique culture and community. it's also no secret that a lot of this reeks of the era it was born from - 2009-2012 internet culture - but my distaste is my own.

some argue that their preference for the pan label is simply due to this differing community. some... do not argue this, but it's apparent. what either party doesn't consider is this: stating preference for one community, in this situation, is stating a preference to not be included in the other community.

this is why i say that some pan people, while not consciously aware, adhere to this argument. i was one of these people. this is where you'll have to forgive my heavy reliance on personal anecdote, but i believe it applies.

when i id'd as pan, i realized later that a big portion of my preference for this label stemmed from this mystified idea of the bi community. in my head, subconsciously, i viewed bi people as mature but not too mature, sexy, club-going, drug-using, edgy. i thought i couldn't be one of those people because they were too *cool* (these ideas aren't cool in this regard - they're very common biphobic stereotypes). pansexuals, on the other hand, where nerdy, friendly, meme-loving, sex-positive but not promiscuous. so many of the "fandom moms" we all used to admired had pan in their tumblr description, twitter bio, blog header, etc.. i could relate to this! (emphasis on could... i'm a normal human being now)

you can see these internal biases become very apparent when you see pan people insisting that their preference is "valid", or when you try to get them to explain how they're different from bi people at all. this isn't a matter of "one community or another", or even "one community over another", but "one community over the boogeyman of our idea of their community". and it all becomes so silly when you see how self-imposed this is - all these traits are bi culture! you're bi! you are contributing all this to bi culture, and you only need to shed your internalized biphobia and realize this!

fetishization of trans identities

i touched on this in my first point, but i'll go more in depth here. essentially, the idea that there must be a separate identity for those willing to date nb people, and god forbid if you're even more ignorant, trans men and women, is inherently othering and, in many cases, fetishizing of trans identities.

in my experience, the pan person who recognizes that pan is the same as bi, but who claims they are pan due simply to preference, is actually in the minority. for every pan of this sort i've seen, i've seen 20 more who blatantly believe that they must id as pan, since they would date trans and nb people. i believe this is almost directly related to how many cis people id as pan, as well as a mix of trans+nb people who've been fed this narrative and now believe it to be true. those quirky fandom moms i mentioned? all cis, all iding as pan performatively. the label of pan is an act of defiance in their eyes, the ultimate symbol of trans+nb allyship. and it's so, soooo cringey. i'd rather they be honest and id as "chaser" and be done with it.

if you're one of those people, or someone who believes this distinction is valid, hear me when i say this: TRANS PEOPLE DO NOT WANT YOUR SPECIAL TREATMENT! binary trans men and women want to be included in your overall binary men and women categories. trans men are men, trans women are women. attraction to men includes trans men by default, attraction to women, the same. nb people adjacent to these binary genders (demi-man, genderfluid, trans masc, agender+masc presenting, etc.) like to be included in these categories of attraction on an individual basis! there are gay men who date masc nb people, and lesbians who identify lesbian attraction as attraction to non-men, and vice versa. how can you rectify iding with an identity solely to point out your attraction to these otherwise unincluded (by your standards) categories, all in the name of being for these peoples' desires, while also ignoring their pleas to just be included and normalized within *all* attractions? can you say that gay, straight, lesbian, and pan people can all be attracted to trans+nb people, but not bi people? that's silly! so, in your attempt to be more inclusive, you've actually insisted on further othering us.

i'll add more points if/when they're brought up, or if i remember anything else later. i just got back from work and am quite tired, so.. :,)

[scriptlgbt]

Hi! I have this character that is basically a fire flame turned human by magic. In the first draft I planned to make them cis women ,but after some thinking, I realized i could do so much more with this concept. Not being born human they would have no concept of gender and sex. Thy could question the definition of gender, question their given one and maybe deicide on identifying non-binary or agender. Which brings me to my questions. Wouldn't making not fully human character not cis be harmfu

I’m going to separate this into sections because it’s easier to answer.

1. Human concepts of gender/sex vs alien

2. A trans character being used to add perspective

3. Nonhuman not cis characters and the appropriateness of that

And here’s what I will talk about on this.

1. Gender/sex is not necessarily a human-only thing. Gender isn’t the same anywhere either. Gender in humans isn’t some kind of universal truth, even within one culture, even within one neighbourhood or family. And there are lots of humans that already are talking on these things and taking leadership in activism surrounding. My concern is dehumanizing that activism. Or assuming that perspective on the matter requires someone to be wholly removed from it, and engaging with it for the first time to get that.

In general also, when it comes to characters interacting with unfamiliar cultures, you should do some research on things like cultural relativity, diaspora, migration and the psychology of moving and culture shock. There’s also the danger of making aliens seem too much like human cultural groups that have been traditionally dehumanized. ... Like in Captain Marvel, when the hongi was used by one of the alien groups. Mind you, I haven’t seen any Māori addressing this. I don’t know if it was okay. But I do imagine that someone seeing the hongi for the first time in that context, maybe might mean they misinterpret what its origins are, especially seeing as it was not at all acknowledged within the movie as what it was. (It strikes me as appropriation. But I am not Māori, so please do not take my word for this like it’s gospel.)

2. It strikes me that you are using a trans character to add layers to the plot. This can be okay, but I wouldn’t do it unless you can get a sensitivity reader/editor who is trans to go through it with you. Your character needs to be a character first and foremost, and it needs to be acknowledged that this character’s transness in no way takes away from that, but is part of that whole-person-ness. This will be more difficult for you to understand and balance properly if you’re not trans. And it is important to do this properly.

3. I think we’ve covered this part pretty well before via our aliens tag and our nonhuman characters tag. The gist for you is that you need to ensure there is human representation of these identities, just as prominent or more prominent, ideally.

Something else that’s kind of a red flag here for me is that you’re painting it as though trans/nonbinary identity is something people “decide” (your word) to be, like it’s something informed and enlightened and something we choose. That has a lot of problems, and I think most of them can be figured out just by my framing it that way. 

A lot of non-nonbinary people seem to think that our identities are some kind of preaching. Like it’s an enlightened thing and that we are trying to seem special. This is extremely harmful and just not the truth. It’s only as ‘enlightened’ as anybody’s self-recognition is.

- mod nat

[nonbinaryproofpost-blog]

nonbinary links and shit for your arguing pleasure

Featuring your Fed The Fuck Up host, me. Sorry I’m so angry throughout, you get that way after being shit all over because people can’t do their research, and it’s become exhausting to try and be nice when I’ve dealt with so much fucking bullshit from people just straight up ignoring the truth. Anyway.

Warning: some sources may use mixed information or language, such as asserting binarism, so please refer to the whole section about those as social constructs for what you also need to know regarding those things, thank you. Many who believe NB people exist still don’t know about how the sex binary isn’t a binary as well, hence the long explanations. Believe me, that section is very extensive.

You will be linked to pages on my blog with all your sources. Don’t expect me to come to your home and click them for you. If you’re too lazy to click some links because you like scratching your ass and ignoring facts, please cease to exist at your earliest convenience.

This is a constantly-updated blog, with the pages of sources being added to and updated. That’s why all the information is available on separate pages, and also because the google document I used is just too damn big to fit in one post. If you have information you’d like included, or if you’d like your link/post removed, please feel free to ask.

Here is the link to the google doc for a comprehensive version.

Let’s just say the most important things right here:

The trans flag’s designer made it with the white stripe reflecting nonbinary people:

http://point5cc.com/the-history-of-the-transgender-flag/

The stripe in the middle of the trans flag is white, for those who are intersex, transitioning or consider themselves having a neutral or undefined gender.

http://brotoro.tumblr.com/post/163357639284/hey-truscum-the-creator-of-the-trans-flag-made-a

timestamp 1:06

WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) Links:

-Identity Recognition Statement, urging governments to create a nonbinary option. (I think the gender marker in general should be abolished but…)

-Volume 7 Standards of Care mentioning genderqueer and other nb identities as valid orientations. (Read directly under section V. But the whole document in general is unanimously supportive of nonbinary people

Psychiatry.org’s take-

‘Some people who use this term do not consider themselves as matching a binary gender category. In addition, new terms such as genderqueer, bigendered, and agendered are increasingly in use.’ - via the american psychiatric association.

And now, our pages! Please click to find links to your sources! These will be updated whenever necessary!

Articles About What/Who Nonbinary People Are, Some By Major Organizations (page 1)

Sex and Gender are Social Constructs (page 2)

Pronoun and Gender History (page 3)

Acknowledgement of NB Identities In the Real World (page 4)

Some questions to ask if you still aren’t convinced (page 5)

update and repost 11/22/18

mod is a diagnosed dysphoric trans nonbinary person.

[nonbinaryresource]

pls forgive me if i mistakenly word something incorrectly/use the wrong term bc i’m still learning, but i’m questioning if i’m nb and i need some help.. i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either. i’m biologically female and i use she/her pronouns and don’t really want to change that and i also present myself somewhat femininely thru my style. is nb the correct term for me? or is there maybe another term that would fit me better?

Hi, there!

Since you’re new, I’d like to talk about terminology a little bit. This isn’t to scold you, just to share more perspective!

So “biologically female” can be useful for some people and if someone prefers to use that for themself, that should absolutely be respected. But it isn’t a term that should just be applied generally to everyone! I am nonbinary, therefore I am biologically nonbinary. There’s a lot of misguided effort in saying “biologically [gender]”, especially when it’s by cis folk and/or being applied as a blanket statement to all trans/nb people. Basically, unless someone is personally using it for themself, I consider it a sneaky way of misgendering trans people. It comes from the idea of the “sex =/=gender” split, which is supposed to help people new to the trans identity understand what trans means more easily.

Trans simply means ‘does not identify only and wholly as the gender they were assigned at birth’ (whereas cis means ‘identifying only and wholly as the gender they were assigned at birth’). Because the way we assign gender is... pretty simple and subjective. Doctors take a look at a baby’s outer reproductive genitalia, assign a gender based on that, and call it a day. Only it gets even more complicated when you include intersex people in the conversation. Intersex is a broad category we use for people with variations in their sexual anatomy that don’t match up with the binary anatomies of either external or internal genitalia and what typically goes along with each of those. These conditions can be anything from an extra chromosome to ambiguous physical genitalia to more. A lot of intersex conditions aren’t even visible at birth, so babies like this are marked as they appear to the doctor and may only find out at an older age that they are intersex if/when a health condition pops up. And intersex babies whose condition is visible? ...They are often mutilated: surgically made to appear as if they only have external or internal sexual genitalia. I think this is one of the clearest examples of just how subjective and simplistic the system that we use to assign people gender is, which is why “biologically [gender]” isn’t broadly useful.

Because a long time ago someone decided to take a rather simplistic view of gender and randomly assign people one of two genders based on random criteria, which happened to be visible genitalia. And we used this determination to separate people into two categories of social class and treat them differently because of this. When someone says “male” or “female” or “man” or “woman”, people have the same connotation regardless. So trying to separate sex from gender as two different concepts... well, it isn’t the greatest idea, as that means erasing a meaning/connotation people have for one of those terms and redefining it. It is much easier - and more accurate - to instead expand our understanding. As well, a method such as this, where you could understand that I have [x] set of genitalia and [x] set of chromosomes and am nonbinary regardless of all of that would result in much better healthcare because it would actually give doctors relevant information about my body and health, rather than relying on assumptions based on if I check an “M” or “F” box.

So if you find defining yourself as “biologically female” as useful, that’s fine and don’t let me stop you from defining your own experience! I know a few nonbinary people who find the “sex =/= gender” split useful for defining their experience and how they figured out they were nonbinary. But as a general rule, it’s just a description to not use in an umbrella way.

If you already knew that, sorry for being redundant! But since you said you were still learning, I thought it might be useful. ^^

So let’s move more onto your question. I’m just going to repeat it here, since it could have gotten a little lost after my explanation:

i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either. i’m biologically female and i use she/her pronouns and don’t really want to change that and i also present myself somewhat femininely thru my style. is nb the correct term for me? or is there maybe another term that would fit me better?             

So, as noted earlier, trans simply means ‘does not wholly or only identify as the gender you were assigned at birth’. More specifically for nonbinary, we can define this as: ‘not identifying wholly or only as the gender you were assigned at birth AND not identifying only or wholly as man or woman’. Note that this says nothing about your genitalia, pronouns, name, presentation, expression, or anything else superficial. Because all that stuff doesn’t have to define your gender! So you were assigned female at birth, dress femininely, use she/her pronouns, and don’t mind being read as a woman? You can totally still be nonbinary! There is no bar or test that you have to pass for your identity to be valid! All you have to do is identify as nonbinary!

As you have touched on in your ask, gender really comes down to how you feel. There’s two posts I want to suggest here where a couple other people go over what gender “is”. They’re good reads and when trying to figure out what the heck gender feels like, it’s always good to be able to get multiple perspectives to see if you can find one that’s helpful for you! They are “What is Gender? What Does it Feel Like?” by askanonbinary and “Gender is Art” by wedontcareaboutyourbinary. I’m not great at explaining open and subjective concepts like this, but for me, gender is an innate feeling of who you are. It’s a connection you make, either (or multiply) with a label(s), others, and/or yourself. It is something internal that can have external influences and expressions.

So when you say “i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either.” - this sounds like your gender!!! And, as we saw defined above, you don’t feel wholly and only like a girl or a boy, so it sounds like you do fall under the label of nonbinary!

That being said, I want to touch on “is nb the correct term for me?” and the answer is... that’s totally up to you! I really like how I saw nbandproud put it: “Gender is Not A Diagnosis”. There is no formula for determining your identity (although I know many of us would find it easier if there were!). You can’t just check off a list of feelings, expression, etc., and get a simple output that defines who you are. We describe our gender with a label, and labels are, first and foremost, for ourself. They are to help us describe how we feel and communicate this to others. And there is absolutely an important part of this that has to do with human emotion and connection. Two people could potentially have the same exact gender feels, yet could decide to use two separate labels for how they feel because that’s the term they connected with and decided to use. And neither of them would be wrong for doing so! That would be like me calling someone beautiful and another person arguing with me that the someone is actually gorgeous. We are using two words with similar meaning but used the word we felt at the time. Neither of us are wrong that ‘someone’ is beautiful or gorgeous. We simply used different words for it.

So only you can decide if nonbinary is the correct term for you. Often, the best way to decide this is to use the label for yourself for a while! How long that while is can be up to you. It’s fine if a while is months or years long!!! It took me a matter of several years to fall in love with the term nonbinary - and even longer to fall harder in love with genderqueer.  I simply wasn’t sure and struggled with accepting myself for that time, but in the end, those are the labels I’ve landed on (at least for now - it can always change in the future). Using the term doesn’t mean you have to come out, either. You can just use it privately. Think of yourself in regards to being nonbinary. Draw nonbinary people. Write nonbinary characters. See if the label fits you or if there’s always a disconnect with it. Experiment and decide if nonbinary is the correct term for you!

As perhaps implied above with my own identity, nonbinary doesn’t have to be the only correct term for you if that’s how you feel. You can use as many or as few labels as you want. You can use nonbinary as a specific and/or general term. You can use as specific or as general a term as you want - you can use a general term and an ultra specific one. It’s your identity: whatever you feel fits is the correct term for you!

I can suggest some more terms if you’re interested in hearing more, but there are a whoooooole lot of identities that could generally be described as “neither girl nor boy”. One of the more well-known terms I can throw based on this out would be agender: lack of a gender. If you are interested, I would suggest just flipping through some glossaries. Here are a few of my suggestions:

http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/genderhttp://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Gender_Identitieshttps://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Main_Page

Then, of course, there’s whole lexicon blogs meant to help spread and share and celebrate terms that people are coming up with everyday. Blogs like @genderlist, @beyond-mogai-pride-flags, and @imoga-pride.

I will warn you that these blogs can be overwhelming, especially if you’re desperate for that One Perfect Term(TM). They’re a lot to go through because there’s a lot of different ways people can feel and feel about their gender! If you find them overwhelming, take a break! You don’t have to have that One Perfect Term(TM). I don’t! And I am finally comfortable in the fact that I simply don’t understand my gender enough nor am I able to so specifically pin it down that it can be described with a term and simple definition. So if you get overwhelmed, take a break, give yourself some self-care, and go back to reading later. Questioning can takes years, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Now... have a kitten for getting through all that text! And feel free to ask as many questions as you need!

[gif of a tiny white kitten getting its paw gently squeezed by someone with long, painted nails. the kitten places its other paw on the finger, sandwiching them in a teeny hug, laying its head down, and closing its eyes in complete peace]

~Tera

[hyperionnebulae]

Thoughts on the “Trans Identity”

I feel like this needs a note in the beginning that is to say that while the white stripe on the Transgender flag was put there to include nonbinary genders (source 1 and 2), nonbinary people can on their own decide if they want to claim the trans identity. It is their identity after all and some may not be comfortable with calling themselves trans and I in no way mean to say they have to.

-

Topics have come up recently about what is considered the “trans experience” and as far as I can tell, to put it bluntly, there isn’t one. Not that the community doesn’t have shared experiences, that’s not what I mean at all, but that it varies a lot from person to person.

Some of this has to do with societal expectations for what it means to represent “a gender”, some of this has to do with a person’s race and/or religious background, and some of this has to do with the fact that “transgender” can describe so many different sub-categories of identity. There is actually far too many different types of people to be formally listed here even, so I’m not going to attempt it.

However, the reason I am even putting down these thoughts is due to some things I have heard over the past week that have concerned me. And while I am personally slightly uncomfortable at this point claiming the identity of “trans”, I do feel like I have some relevant insight and comments on the subject, as a genderflux person. If you don’t know that word you could Google search it think of it as a constantly changing gradient between agender identity and gendered identity (it is a sort of variety of genderfluid).

There are two topics I want to talk about and the first is acceptance of genderswap art/fic, or as I’ve come to call it, after talking with a friend, “gender au”, in the community and the second is the use of “claimed shared experience” as approval to “trademark the trans experience”.

Personally, I hate how discussions of gender au are handled on the internet. I hate how they are communicated on both sides of the argument, to be clear. Know that I have seen people, on both sides, act inappropriately, before I even begin to talk about this. So let me try to say this as constructive as I can. Gender au, is not inherently a bad thing. The idea that a character could be a different gender is very liberating for some people. Some gender au media really breaks through boundaries on what it means to be “x sort of person” and how little that would change if the gender of the character changed.

So where does it go bad? I am not here to tell you to not enjoy a favorite artist or writer if the media speaks to you and your experience, and I’m not here to, in anyway, police the communities. When I say “bad” I’m referring to the point where people get hurt (and this does happen).

It goes bad when the interaction stops being about your personal experience, as a relatable facet of the overall dialogue, and starts being about generalizing the experience as everyone’s, and often giving it the “trans” label. Perhaps the more forward way to say it is Gender au is not equivalent to the transgender experience. That isn’t to say that transgender individuals can’t relate to gender au characters but that it is as just individuals that they do. An individual cannot relate to something for the whole community; that’s just not how communities work after all.

I could go into detail about some other problems often involved in gender au such as binary preference for a “switch” which can be seen as erasing nonbinary gender identities, using the au to sexualize or fetishsize transgender identies, using the au to erase the sexual identities of the characters, and any number of other common associations with the au, but, I feel that these distract from my main point so while I do think these are valid concerns I will allow other people to speak on them should they choose to.

So how does this hurt people? Well let me move to the second topic to address that.

As I stated earlier, I do not believe there is a “trans experience” in that while there may be trans experiences that are shared between individuals, one should not assume the everyone in the community has those same experiences. This goes for what trans people react to positively and negatively.

-

Side note: I want to state that while a person’s society may have something that they’ve deemed “acceptable standards” for how a people with gender or sex x should display said gender on their person, clothing, makeup, mannerisms, etc are not inherently gendered. And, furthermore, since these “standards” have changed over time, I do not believe that they are valuable standards in generalizing self identification. However, they do still provide much of the trans community the tools they need to be recognized as the gender identity they wish to be seen as, by the societies they live in. To summarize, while your outward appearance doesn’t have to be tied, to your gender identity, it often helps other people see you as an identity they can understand, which can be important for your personal safety and/or your access to healthcare.

-

All this preamble to talk about the fact that drawing perceived connections about what qualifies as “the trans experience” can and does hurt trans people. Whether you are a cis person or a trans person, it is important that you understand that no one can give you permission to make assumptions about what trans people experience. My experience is going to be wildly different from my transmen and transwomen friends; it’s going to be different than my nonbinary and agender friends; it is different than my cisgender friends and family. Because I am different.

And therefore, all or nothing phrases simply do not work. If we pop back to talking about gender au, if I were to judge all of it as “bad” OR “good” I would be ignoring at least part of the trans community’s voice. I have stated above that some people find it liberating and I will now also state that some people find it normalizes gender stereotypes that makes identities feel “unachievable”. Both of those responses are valid as individual experiences.

To claim that some personal experiences are more morally right than others, is creating a space in which other people get hurt. The severity of the effect on the individuals life could be anywhere between self hatred, public humiliation, and threatening physical safety.

We need to learn to talk about things such as men wearing dresses, showing or talking about surgery scarring, gender dysphoria and euphoria, race and religious difference, etc while acknowledging that subsections of the community may experience these things differently, or not at all, but still have the same right to the identity. And also acknowledge that people outside the community may relate to some of this as well.

TLDR: The trans identity is different from person to person. There are no experiences that are more morally correct than others. We need to find ways to try to have a discussion about these things that doesn’t put the mental and physical safety of members of the community at risk.

[groundramon]

I’ve noticed this troubling trend of tumblr of...forgetting aromantic people exist.  I know ace discourse is a Hot Topic (not the store) right now and people will intentionally exclude or include ace people in LGBT discussions for whatever reasons they have for participating in the discourse, but....did you notice how it’s called “ace discourse” and not “ace/aro discourse”?  I suppose I should be happy nobody’s making jokes at the expense of aro people like they are at ace people (er, there are still jokes, but...) but it still hurts that we’re so overlooked.

Positivity posts exist for us, but they’re few and far between compared to other groups and we’re often excluded from most discussions.  When we are included, we tend to be lumped into how “MOGAI is so problematic” discussions and that’s about it.

Pride flags will include the gay, lesbian, trans, bi, pan, ace, nonbinary, and sometimes even agender/genderqueer/other nb gender identity flags, but they rarely include aromantic as an option.  I’m not saying you HAVE to make aromantic pride icons, not by any means; this isn’t referring to “hey, here are some lesbian tsuchako icons!” or even “hey, here are some ace pidge icons!” because both of those are icons meant for specific groups.  But when it’s obvious that someone is well-meaning and trying to list all the semi-major LGBT groups, it stings just a bit extra because you KNOW they’re trying to be inclusive but they still didn’t include your group.  Not like they’re a bad person for it by any means!  But that’s the point; they didn’t do anything intentionally wrong or really wrong at all, but it still hurts.  And that’s one of the worst kinds of pain of all.

And I know, “oh ace/aro people arent being killed and raped and denied housing and discriminated against in almost all aspects of your life!!!” first off, only one of those is something that doesn’t happen to us (being killed) so fuck you.  (And dont bring up “well its because of heterosexual culture/sexism/ect” because heterosexual culture IS part of our oppression and sexism doesn’t play entirely if at all into those three things.)  But secondly, that’s...kind of the point?  Notice how I said ace/aro people; ace/aro people face (or...faced - I’ll get to that in a second) similar amounts of oppression that’s reflected in similar ways, often utilizing the same language.  And yet asexual people get all this pride and recognition, and we get nothing?

I said we used to face the same amount of oppression because while asexuality has become somewhat known nowadays, aromanticism is still virtually unknown.  I can tell you that right now because my autocorrect is calling aromantic and aromanticism a misspelling but saying asexuality (and asexual, however that was a word before it was used for the sexual orientation so I dont count it) is a word.  See, there was a time when asexuality and aromanticism were considered the same thing, but people were quickly like “no, they aren’t!  they’re separate!”  So now we’re at the point where society has learned a little about asexual people and is aware that they can have romantic partners.  But in the process, we left behind aromantic people.  We said “oh, what about the asexual people who CAN have partners?” before we got people to accept those who can’t - and don’t fit into gay positivity or straight privilege because of it - and now I feel like we’ve largely abandoned those who can’t.  I recognize it’s important to give acknowledgement to the fact that ace people can be alloromantic, I really do!  But we keep forgetting to acknowledge that asexual people can be aromantic, too.  Because to us it seems like second-knowledge, when it really...isn’t to the world at large.  So we changed our activism, and now nobody knows about asexual aromantic people.

And don’t even get me started on how ignored allosexual aromantic people are.  I’m sorry but I really don’t feel qualified to write about their experience because I really don’t know much about them.  I’ve never met an allosexual aromantic person that I know of (or have had an in-depth conversation with them about something like this, anyways) but please keep them in your mind when talking about ace/aro activism as well.

Say what you want about the ace community’s relationship with the LGBT community, but the ace community is even more intertwined with the aromantic community than it is with the LGBT community.  There’s no possible way to separate the aromantic from the ace community.  And yet currently, I’m...really feeling like the alloromantic asexual community has let the aromantic community down significantly.  You’re getting media attention now, but you’ve forgotten that many of the people who pioneered this and normalized it were aromantic asexuals - or even aromantic allosexuals - and now you’re more focused on validating your own existence than validating ours.  I’m not saying you can’t reblog a good ace discourse post because it doesn’t mention aromantics or can’t enjoy your ace pride icons or anything of that matter.  But when you’re speaking in your own words, or making your own icons, please try to think of us and how these issues affect us every once in a while.  Basically every aspect of ace discourse applies to aromantic people as well but neither side seems to acknowledge this - and when they do, it’s almost always the ace exclusionist side, which isn’t a good thing.  We have our positivity, and please keep that coming!  But don’t be afraid to exclude us from tough conversations either.  We’re here and we want to be included.  So please include us.

- Sincerely, a very tired asexual aromantic nonbinary person

PS if you want to make aromantic pride icons but don’t know which glad to use, the most commonly accepted flag is the green/yellow/white/gray flag.  But we’re not going to be picky on which flag you use; we’re just happy you thought of us! ;v; (might wanna be careful about using the green/white/gray flag that doesn’t use the yellow stripe though, as that’s very similar to the agender flag and I get mixed up a lot myself |D)

Allosexuals and alloromantic aces reblogging this would be greatly appreciated, comments/opinions and questions are fine but please be respectful and understand where I’m coming from first

[farkenshnoffingottom]

Tags

Is this necessary? Absolutely not. Did I spend hours doing it anyway? Of course.

There’s apparently a limit on how many links you can have in one post, so when I tried to do it all in one post, the links all stopped working. So I’m splitting them up.

The tags that are longer than one word don’t work on mobile, but you can see if the search function feels like working instead

Some of the tags are repetitive, but I was trying to edit/combine some tags a few nights ago, and I kept getting error messages, and then a notification that my account had been terminated?? It came back, obviously, but it still scared me (because I have sunk so so so so many hours into this blog, let alone its organization), so I’m gonna leave some of the multiples here for now, and then I’ll edit this post once I’ve got them all under a single tag

Under a keep reading tag because I use a lot of tags on this blog. Some tags have way more content than others

IRL Things

ableism • abuse • accurate • ace • adsfjdkfkldlsls • agender • always keep fighting • amazing • american imperialism • american school system • animals • anxiety • anyway. grad school is fun folks • aromantic • asexual • asexuality

body positivity • body shaming

canada • capitalism • cats • the cats meow • chronic fatigue • chronic illness • chronic pain • cissexism • college • corporations • cpunk • cripple punk • cross stitching • cute

depression • disability • The Discourse™ • disordered eating • dysphoria

e’s endless rambling • eating • eating disorder

family • fat • fatphobia • feminism • fork theory

gay • gay island • genderqueer • gray asexual

health at every size • healthism • healthcare • history • hrt

i love puns • i love this • i’ll just sit here and giggle • imperialism • important • indigenous

language • librarians • libraries • linguistics • listen to this • long post

magic • media representation • medieval • mental health • mental illness • miscellaneous memes • miscellaneous shitposts • miscellaneous text posts • misgendering • mlem • mobility aid • mood • my cats are so cute • my favorite

neoliberalism • net neutrality • no • no cops at pride • nonbinary

ocd • oh my god • omfg • omg

pandemic posting • police brutality • police violence • political tumbling • polyamory • post apocalypse • pride • pride flags • prison • propaganda • protest • public space • puns

queer • queer discourse • queer history • queer politics

racism • recovery • relapse • relatable text posts • reminder

safer sex • school • self care • self harm • sex • sex ed • sex education • so cute • spoon theory • spoonie • stonewall • suicide

tattoos • testosterone • this • this is so relatable • this is the fucking greatest thing • tiktoks • trans • trans boys • trans guy • trans problems • transgender • transgender healthcare • trauma

ugh • uk • united states • united states of america • us history • the us is fucked up • us politics • usa (i will eventually put all the us stuff under one tag one day)

validation • vines

watch this • white privilege

yes • you got this

!!!

[joshies-blog1]

im sorry if this isnt like rebloggable or you didnt want any debate(ignore or ask me to delete if so) but i thought as someone who is a transmed i could kinda hit some of ur points here??? just tryna be respectful tho :o) sorry this is long hehe

1) we dont try to be what cis people expect of us, instead binary trans people try to pass as the gender they desire to be because it helps calm our dysphoria. like id love to be able to wear skinny jeans, but because of my dysphoria saying my thighs are fat, and that i look like a lesbian, i wont wear them. another example might be a trans woman not wanting to wear tights/leggings until after bottom surgery because it could show off what they dont want(nicest way to put it)

2) there are truscum/transmed trans women too, and nonbinary people, and cis people. i dont remember urls very well but the creator of the ADNB(actually dysphoric nonbinary) flag is nonbinary, Blaire White and Miss London are trans women. every tucute ive seen absolutely hates the idea of cis people being transmeds, but i believe people who actually understand the struggle of being born in the wrong body are good people. i rather my therapist and doctors be transmedicalists too because that means ill be treated for my gender dysphoria. with this push that "you dont need dysphoria to be trans" doctors and the APA are now trying to agree. this will hurt everyone that is trans, or think they might be trans. someone who doesnt have dysphoria but thinks theyre trans shouldnt be given hormones, their 'brain map' is comfortable with their body and hormones change your body. so theyd become uncomfortable because their brain isnt seeing their body in the way it was comfortable as.

3) ok i cant say "none of us are rejecting any of that" because we have some bad eggs in the bunch. ive never seen someone be racist about black trans people tbh? thats not right. but feminine =/= female. what we're against is something like a "trans guy" who presents female. take Rin/gothfruits on instagram. they call themselves a nonbinary male, presents entirely female, and claims when they tried looking masculine it made them uncomfortable. if they start testosterone then theyll become uncomfortable because they dont have dysphoria. personally, i think theyre only saying their trans/gay because to them its a game, when i honestly only see a straight couple and a girl. but other people would say theyre doing it for the attention, because in todays day, a "queer" person who likes makeup is more likely to get a following than a girl who likes makeup. I think Kalvin Garrah's newer video hits better points about that than what i can say. and yeah, not everyone hates nonbinary people. most people respect nonbinary people, but dont believe in like 76 genders or queerfluid and think "its/it" pronouns are dehumanizing. they/them are very respectable pronouns and i personally believe that nonbinary/agender is totally valid. i can 100% believe in an atypical dysphoria that causes you to not want any sex organ or be in an androgynous body or form. idk here

4) the white stripe means nothing. a flag means nothing about the reality of something. take the "rabies pride flag" just because it was made doesnt mean anyone has "rabies pride". the "pedo pride flag" doesnt mean that pedophilia is right. a design truly means nothing unless its important to you. the gay flag is important to the lgbt community because it kinda just brings us together. but it was still made by someone it didnt suddenly exist because gay people exist.

uhhhh this was probably awful im so so so sorry if its difficult to read or if u didnt wanna read bc "ew dirty trscum fuck off", i just wanna be respectable here <333 hh oof

Sometimes i feel really bad for trusum because it seems they’re trying really hard for cis people to except them. By being the binary man by being what they think cis people want trans people to be. Also is it just me or are truscum all trans men ?? I dont think ive ever seen a trans woman be a truscum. But by them rejecting femminnie, fat, nonbinary, and anything that doesnt fit their ideal of binarilism of trans it really sets back trans people :-/ Like they say they’re only two genders but then whats the white in the trans flag ? Was that stripe for nonbinary people fake and made up ? Or have we just been wrong for years and not existed for years

anyways its 9am im tired and have smth to say

[newssplashy]

Cities and towns across the US are celebrating Pride throughout the month of June. Nearly every city has some sort of big event. Here is a handy FAQ that explains what Pride Month is all about.

June is Pride Month, when cities across the US show support for LGBT+ rights, culture, and communities.

It's a tradition that goes back to the early 1970s, when cities began hosting events to commemorate the Stonewall Riots and highlight issues that LGBT+ Americans still face.

Here's what Pride Month is all about.

What is Pride Month, and how are cities celebrating it?

Pride is a monthlong LGBT+ celebration, protest, and act of political activism in the US. Nearly every city has some sort of big event — usually a large parade with plenty of rainbow iconography, glitter, and floats driven by local companies and organizations.

Several cities have already kicked off the month with Pride parades and LGBT-centered events, ranging from protests and dance parties to poetry readings and drag shows.

Why do Americans celebrate Pride, and when did it all start?

The history of Pride — as well as the larger LGBT rights movement — dates back to the late 1960s at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in Manhattan. The venue was known as the rare spot where same-sex patrons could dance with each other without the fear of harassment.

At the time, it was fairly common for police to raid gay bars and nightclubs, especially in big cities like New York City and Los Angeles. Sometimes these raids would result in violence on behalf of the officers.

In the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, the police raided Stonewall, but this time, the patrons fought back. Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman celebrating her 25th birthday at the time, is credited with starting the uprising.

The Stonewall Riots, consisting of thousands of people, lasted for the next six days.

Does Stonewall still exist today?

The Stonewall Inn — a two-story establishment on Manhattan's West Side — still operates today as a gay bar and entertainment revenue. Throughout the week, it hosts dance parties and drag shows.

In 2015, the City of New York designated Stonewall as a historic landmark. A year later, President Obama named it a national monument.

"The Stonewall Inn is a rarity — a tipping point in history where we know, with absolute clarity, that everything changed," Manhattan Borough President Gale A. Brewer said in a statement to BuzzFeed in 2015.

What's the difference between the Pride Parade, the Dyke March, and the Trans Day of Action?

These three events, usually held on separate days in June, focus on different LGBT+ communities. The Pride Parade is more or less for everyone, while the Dyke March is a protest march for the rights of queer women and nonbinary people, and the Trans Day of Action (or Visibility) is a rally for trans and gender non-conforming folks.

Pride Parades, Dyke Marches, and Trans Days of Action are held in most major US cities, including New York, Seattle, Atlanta, Boston, and San Diego.

An official straight-pride month does not exist, because straight identities are considered normative in the US.

How did the rainbow flag come to represent LGBT+ pride?

The LGBT pride flag was invented in 1978 by Gilbert Baker, a gay rights activist, army veteran, artist, and self-declared "gay Betsy Ross."

He created the flag for the 1978 Gay Freedom Pride Parade in San Francisco, at the request of Harvey Milk, a gay local politician who was assassinated later that year.

The original flag had eight colors, each carrying a specific meaning. In 1979, the palette was condensed to six colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet).

In recent years, the flag has been adapted to include black and brown, for racial inclusivity and HIV/AIDS awareness.

As Forrest Wickman wrote in Slate, closeted queer people have historically used bright colors to signal their homosexuality to each other.

"We needed something beautiful, something from us. The rainbow is so perfect because it really fits our diversity in terms of race, gender, ages, all of those things," Baker told MOMA two years before his death in 2017.

Is the US the only country that celebrates Pride?

Although LGBT+ Americans face issues specific to living in the US, the country is not the only one to have Pride.

Cities across the world — from Tokyo to Sydney to Rio de Janeiro — recognize their own Pride Months that fall at various times throughout the year.

What progress has the US made on LGBT+ rights since the Stonewall Riots?

At the time of the Stonewall Riots, many states still criminalized same-sex relationships. The last states to decriminalize same-sex sexual intercourse were Texas, Idaho, Utah, Kansas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, the Carolinas, Virginia, and Michigan, in 2003.

Over the past five decades, LGBT+ rights have significantly improved. In 1975, the US introduced the first federal gay-rights bill to address discrimination based on sexual orientation. Under the Clinton administration, federal funding for HIV/AIDS research, prevention, and treatment more than doubled. In 2009, Congress passed the Matthew Shepard Act, which expanded the definition of hate crimes to include gender, sexual orientation, gender-identity, and disability.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the ban on gay and lesbian people from serving openly in the military, was repealed in 2011. A year later, the US issued a regulation that prohibits LGBT+ discrimination in federally-assisted housing programs.

In 2015, the US Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in every state. In 2017, the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that workplace discrimination against LGBT+ employees was unconstitutional, and Washington, DC residents became able to choose a gender-neutral option on their driver's licenses.

Isn't the fight over since same-sex marriage is now legal? What rights are LGBT+ people still working toward?

Same-sex marriage is just one step toward full equality for LGBT+ people, who are still fighting political battles in 2018.

These include police brutality and profiling, anti-trans "bathroom bills," limits on transgender members of the military, non-LGBT-friendly healthcare policies, the decision to erase LGBT+ Americans from the Census, discrimination at retail stores and in the workplace, and more.

Even before the shooting rampage at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida, in 2016, LGBT+ people were already the most likely targets of hate crimes in the US, according to FBI data. At the 2018 Utah Pride Festival in Salt Lake City on June 3, a mob of white men yelled slurs and physically attacked gay attendees.

What are the important terms I should understand?

Some terms you might hear this month include:

Asexual — A word that describes people who do not feel sexual desire toward any group of people. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy (i.e. the choice to abstain from marriage and sexual relations).

Biphobia — An irrational aversion toward bixsexual people, often due to negative bisexual stereotypes.

Cisgender — A term that describes people who identify as the sex they were assigned at birth.

Intersectional Pride —A phrase that acknowledges LGBT+ people have a variety of identities — including race and income level — that give them varying levels of privilege in society. The philosophy here is that the LGBT+ movement should fight for everyone in the community, especially those who have less privilege.

LGBTQ+ — This is an acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, plus other non-heterosexual identities. Sometimes, "I" for intersex and "A" for asexual or agender are tacked on the end, but not all intersex people identify under the umbrella of LGBT+.

Nonbinary — A term that refers to people who do not fit within the male-female gender binary. Many nonbinary people use the pronouns "they/them."

Pansexual — A word used to describe people who feel attracted to others of any gender, which can be on a spectrum.

Queer — The meaning of "queer" is debated within LGBT circles, but most often it's used as an umbrella term for non-heterosexual attraction.

I've heard that some people are upset about the growing presence of corporate sponsors and/or police at Pride Parades. Why is this?

Some members of the LGBT+ community, particularly people of color, have a contentious relationship with police, due to a long history of raids and discrimination — which prompted the Stonewall Riots in 1969. In 2017, several Canadian cities chose to ban uniformed police officers from marching in Pride parades, according to the BBC.

A number of LGBT+ groups have also expressed disdain toward the growing corporatization of Pride in major cities like San Francisco and New York. They argue that, in recent years, Pride has become too commercial and has strayed from its history of resistance and revolution.

As Vice noted in 2017, at Washington, DC's 2017 Pride Parade, protesters from "No Justice, No Pride" formed a human chain around Lockheed Martin's float, bringing it to a halt.

I'm a straight person. Should I go to Pride?

Everyone can partake in Pride Month. However, LGBT+ people should remain at the center of the celebrations and marches.

If you are straight and choose to attend a Pride Parade, it's important to remain respectful as an ally. Support an LGBT+ friend, or better yet, donate your time by volunteering at your local Pride Parade or other Pride events throughout June.

Most cities have sites that list ways to get involved.

Several LGBT+ organizations, like GLAAD, the Audre Lorde Project, and the Anti-Defamation League, have posted resources on these topics as more. You can also find out about your local Pride events here.

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News Online