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#by my people I mean the whole damn country. all of us.
other-peoples-coats · 2 years
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also today I had to actually go into the office for a meeting, and got the best grade in meetings. A thing that is normal to want and possible to achieve.
(the secret is ginger cookies, which are relatively easy to make, and very impressive in taste)
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hagravenholm · 1 year
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You know what that last post just made me realize? I fucking hate Sundays
#especially now. waking up to a whole day of free time and I’m broke and alone. yippee!#also no w**d. which is horrible.#:/ i want my medicine at least damn lol.#I’m probably just gonna go get ahead of some school work since that’s all my life consists of now is school and a job I can’t fucking stand#which I actually suspect is damaging my health.#since I clock in and work 7+ hours straight w no fucking breaks on this manual labor job#I take my coffee and a breakfast bar for work in the mornings and half the time I don’t even get time to finish eating or drinking my#fucking breakfast until after my shit is over 8 hours later#I want to cry. I’m sorry I know how it sounds. I just fucking hate this life I’m living sm now and a huge part of my can’t wait for it to#be absolutely over in any way. whether it be permanently or miraculous… I kinda don’t care at this point tbh#and one other thing it’s absolutely fucking hilarious to me and by that I mean it makes my blood fucking boil#hearing privileged assholes say just go to therapy hurr durr! jus go to da doctor!#motherfucking I am the working class I do no have health insurance.#not only that but I can’t afford it! lmfao like this is the way the system was set up#for people like me to work and work and work themselves to death but no one fucking gets this bc this country & older people are braindead#and lick the corpo boot clean and say the party line just work harder just go buy therapy forehead.#thanks! I’d actually love to. I’ve actually been wanting a therapist for years now.#people love to talk over me when I try to explain my material reality. it’s just a nightmare trying to get help in a system that so clearly#just wants to suck you dry to the bone for profit use up all your labor and destroy your body and leave YOU w nothing to show for it#but of course I’m just another crazy commie kid even tho I’m 27.#but no please continue everybody to shame me for not having access to therapy.#and isn’t it funny how the onus is just always on me. Like I’m so sorry that you all have to put up w my bad behavior lmao#as if I fucking knifed someone or something. as if I don’t try to apologize when I mess up. but no one EVER ever ever ever ever gives me#any fucking credit for that. for trying my best to fix mistakes I made. whatever.#I’m just complaining what else do I even have left
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weird-and-unwell · 8 months
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“Autism isn’t a disability”, “it’s just a difference”.
I am of lower support needs. I hold down a (part time) job. I have travelled around my home country. I live alone.
At work they complain about my speech. I’m too quiet, they say, “barely audible” is the words used at my autism assessment. My voice is all monotone, and it needs to be more expressive. I get this complaint every week for a year straight, until my manager gives up. I don’t attend trainings because I forget and find it overwhelming anyways. My coworkers form friendships, and I watch them talk, wondering how they make it look so easy. I get a new manager, I tell her I find the work socials too overwhelming to attend. She tells me I can just say I don’t want to come. I don’t know how to tell her that I desperately want to, to be like the rest of my coworkers, instead of constantly being the one sat on the sidelines.
I come home, and I can hear my neighbours again. The niggling background noise messes with my head, and I meltdown; I throw myself on the floor, I hit my head on the ground repeatedly as I scream and cry, tear out my hair and scratch my arms and face. When I complain, people tell me that I just have to accept that neighbours make noise, that I should just ignore it, or block it out. I am the problem, the one overreacting. I put in earplugs and it hurts and I'm crying again. I wear headphones but I can't handle the noise for that long.
I have reminders set for everything. Every chore, no matter how big or small. My phone beeps at me, reminding me that I need to wash the dishes. If I don't go now, then tick the little box on my phone to say I did it, it won't get done. My home is almost always a mess despite this. It's not just chores either. I won't think to wash, dress myself, brush my teeth or hair, without those reminders. And unless someone actively prompts me to do so, I will do those tasks "wrong". I haven't changed my underwear in a month, and I'm currently aware that's a problem, but within the hour I'm going to forget all over again until I'm next prompted.
I can't sleep without medication - it's not unusual for autistic people to have messed up circadian rhythms. Without my medication it's hard to even tell when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. When I was younger and at school I slept through so many lessons, and when I have my mandatory breaks from my sleep meds I sleep through every alarm I set. I want to work full time some day, and I'm terrified of what my sleep issue will mean for me then.
I don't travel independently. I don't travel anywhere alone, always with someone or to someone. If to someone, I have assistance the whole way. I find it embarrassing sometimes. Yes, I have a job that requires a certain level of intelligence. No, I cannot get on a train by myself. If I am not shown To The Train, To My Seat, I will be unable to travel.
Last time I travelled, I was left alone at the station for ten minutes. I stayed rigid and sobbed the whole time. I was overwhelmed. It was too loud, I didn't know where I was or where I was meant to be going, and until the assistance person came back I couldn't do anything because for some reason I cannot understand it.
I spend a lot of time trying to explain to people that despite my relative competence, I am unable to do many things. Why can I understand high level maths but not how to get on a damn train? No fucking idea.
"Autism isn't a disability" most severely affects those with higher support needs, and this is absolutely not to take away from them. But for fucks sake, autism is disabling.
Maybe you personally are extremely lucky and just find you're a little "socially awkward", or just find some textures painful or nauseating. Maybe you would be fine with just a couple of adjustments.
But for a lot of us, even lower support needs autistics, it doesn't work like that. I will never sleep properly without medication. I still have the self-harming type of meltdowns as an adult, over things that are deemed as being "just part of life". I live alone but have daily visits from family - if I'm left fully alone I forget all the little daily things one is "meant" to do. I had speech therapy as a child to get me to the "barely audible" "mostly correct" speech. I don't mask, I'm not really sure how I would to begin with.
I'm not unhappy with being autistic. It's just who I am. Life would be easier if I were neurotypical, but I also wouldn't be me. I just wish those luckier than me could...stop saying it's all chill and not at all a disability.
Because yes, socially, I am "awkward". I obviously don't make eye contact - I stare down and to the side of whoever I speak to. People think it's weird or creepy or a sign of disinterest. My autism assessor wrote down about how I often use words and phrases that don't make sense to others, even though they make perfect sense to me. In my daily life this means I'm frequently misunderstood, and have to try explain what I mean, when what I mean is exactly what I said, and the true issue is that what I mean just doesn't make sense to others. I gesture, at times, but again, my gestures apparently don't make sense in relation to what I'm saying. I take things literally, I have almost no filter, and I can't explain how I go from topic to topic.
And yes, I do have sensory problems. Sometimes people, including others with sensory problems, tell me that "sometimes sensory issues have to be tolerated", and I wonder what they think of as being sensory issues. I'm sure they do struggle, but if I say I can't handle a touch, I mean you will need to forcefully hold it against me for me to touch it more than a second and it will make me meltdown. If I say "I can't eat that", I mean that I am unable to swallow it, that I will gag and choke and inevitably spit it back out, as much as I try. If I say I can't handle a noise, I mean I'm so close to a meltdown and my meltdowns are a problem for everyone around me.
But yes. Autism. Not a disability. Just a fun quirky difference.
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qqueenofhades · 4 months
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There is no law that prevents a convicted felon from running for and becoming president, nor a law that bans someone from being president in prison. Also, if Trump gets incapacitated in someway, many ultra right republicans who equally despise trans people and immigrants and Muslims would happily take his place
And I ask, with all due respect, what is your point?
Do you think I don't know that?
Do you think I am somehow convinced that everything is hunky dory now and we don't have any work left to do?
Are you just determined to be the first of the gloom-and-doomers who show up like clockwork in my inbox, every time some consequence happens to Trump, to morosely insist that no consequences will happen to him? First it was "he'll win re-election." Then it was "the coup will succeed." Then it was "he will never be indicted." Then it was "2022 will be a red wave!" Then it was "he will never be tried." Then it was "he will never be convicted." Now we've moved on, within less than 2 hours of the first US President ever to be convicted of ONE felony, let alone THIRTY-FOUR, "he'll never be sentenced or face a real consequence or lose the election." The goalposts keep moving RIGHT along without even a single pause to acknowledge the difficulty and the value of the progress we have made thus far, and it makes me CRAZY.
Do you people realize how fucking rare it is, both in the world today and historically, for a former (and would-be future) head of state to be held to criminal account by a jury of 12 anonymous ordinary citizens? When that one person, Trump, is the center of the malignant fascist cancer that has spread through this country ever since 2016, and plenty of his cultists are still insisting that it's Trump or nobody for them? When we've actually reached the stage of holding him legally accountable for (some of) his crimes for the first time in his miserable misbegotten life? I suspect that most of you are so deep in the "America is totally broken and the system is useless and we can only Revolute!!!1" rabbit hole that you're bound and determined to argue away every step we take, however slow, as Meaning Nothing TM. Voting? Fake. Fighting to make real progress? Also fake. Everything is fake except our belief that everything is broken and we need the Keyboard Warrior Glorious Revolution!!! As long as you can keep inventing ever more contorted twists of logic to ignore everything else that's happened so far, this makes sense... or something. I guess?
Now we're onto "removing Trump won't matter :(" when a whole lot of people have been fighting day and fucking night to get all the privileged-princess Online Leftists to get off their Che Guevara cosplaying asses and cast a single fucking vote to keep us from full-on-sliding into fascism. A slide into fascism that, again, has been spearheaded and centered around Trump's toxic cult of personality and which is still tied to him in almost every way. Apparently holding him to account (again, which has never happened to him in his life) already doesn't matter because wah wah he won't suffer any consequences. If he loses this election he's probably going to jail for the rest of his life! We would have electorally defeated the greatest threat to the American democratic experiment in 250 years, and frankly a huge part of the fascist far-right hydra that is currently attempting a comeback around the world! This is, yet again:
THE FIRST TIME ANY AMERICAN PRESIDENT, EVER, HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF MULTIPLE FELONY CHARGES IN A COURT OF LAW BY A JURY OF HIS PEERS
and yet we're still hearing that nothing matters and no work has been done and removing him will have no effect???
Come on. Come on. I know it's tiring and it's slow and it doesn't go as fast as we want. But every single damn time the process goes another step, here you people are in my inbox insisting that we're still at zero progress and it means nothing, and lemme tell you, I am Tired of it. Come on. You don't have to jump up and down (my own feeling is glee and vindication but still not relaxation, I will not relax until he loses the fucking election and goes to jail), but you also don't need to keep myopically pretending that all the effort thus far by so many people means nothing. Come on.
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evilminji · 1 year
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Oh... my god? Ghost Reporters.
Imagine it. Their office is in the Zone. They literally FEED of hunting for The Next Big Scoop! And Revealing The Truth! Every honest reporter that got silenced for getting a little too close to the facts. The bloody, beating, heart of societies underbelly.
Every Lois Lane that had no Kryptonian to stop some rich and powerful jackals putting them in the ground.
Well Death sure didn't stop THEM! They STILL want answers! But now they have co-wokers. Oh~ and SUPERPOWERS! And best part?
The newly appointed KING is going too and from the living world. That must mean it's okay now, RIGHT? Your majesty? You're not a RAGING HYPOCRITE, aaaaare you? :) 🎤
And... look. Danny knows full well what these piranhas are up too. He's not stupid. But Madeline Fenton raised a lot of things. Fool? Not one of um. That a LOT of reporters with sharp, sharp teeth and bloodlust in their eyes. He wants to half-live.
He compromises. Illusion of control and all that. Yeah, yeah, they all tooootally respect his authority etc. Give them Them Scoop! He, wisely, gets the fuck out of the way. Whoosh! Off they go!
Thats.... probably gonna be a problem. *siiiiiips his morning coffee* But it's not HIS problem. Not right now.
And? Suddenly all these politicians and business leaders are getting fucking AMBUSHED. Oh? You thought you'd get soft ball "aren't I a man of the people. Buy oil!" Bullshit questions? HA! Where were you on June 27th, 1978, at-
And "according to YOUR words, exact quote as follows-"
Just? They BEAT the leader with the STICK. "Oh but you'll lose access". They'd love to see HOW! They can go through WALLS! Answer the question, coward. "Your gonna make powerful enemies!" Oh nooooo, what are they gonna DO?
Shoot us TWICE?
Hey Mr. Family Values! How's the three mistresses your wife doesn't know about?? "No comment"? That's fine. We already have THEIRS. >:D Good luck with your upcoming election!
And like? As newspapers are shutting down and turning clickbait all across the country? This ONE(1) tiny, middle of nowhere town? Somehow has a horrid, horrid, ARMY of Satan's own Reporters. All apparently willing to die for the News. Throwing themselves at dictators and Supervillians alike.
"We see no God here but the Truth" is literally their papers MOTTO.
The damn thing is basicly a BRICK. You get a paperback of news. Entire planet AND THEN SOME. How?! How are they reporting, IN DETAIL, on the break down of talks between two planets 16 galaxies over? Hal says it's accurate. But what Earth paper would even HAVE that information?
And?? The whole town treats this as normal? There are human children, complaining about the weight of papers, because it makes their paper routes a pain in the ass. Soccer moms discussing alien celebrity drama. Farmers muttering over foreign unrest and how it will impact their corn harvest.
Fucking Lex Luthor, clearly deciding to roll with it, coming to sign himself up for a paper. Gaining a new life long Nemesis upon meeting Vladimir Master, whom he decides is both hot and unbearable. Someone is heard shouting "oh god, there's TWO OF THEM!"
And?? Look. Clark isn't MAD. Or JEALOUS. Nor is he in a secret Reporting War with Jerry from the Amity Chronicle. Because that would be petty and childish. He's just SAYING, maybe they should check the place out!
Maybe Jerry is a DICK and deserves it, is all. (Lois stop laughing.)
@hypewinter @hdgnj @ailithnight
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sluttybwunni · 1 year
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a pirates greed (m)
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[send me requests i like them]
masterpost : recent
pairing : afab!reader x monkey d. luffy
✸ ... synopsis: after saving an entire country, luffy just needs his favourite stress reliever all to himself
wc: 3.6k
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warnings : established relationship, porn w minimum plot, post-wano luffy being a whore !!! absolutely rough nasty nd animalistic, unprotected (cmon yall know better), petty argument, faded law, reader is a lil mean, your captain just loves eating you out! use of devil fruit (canon), creampie, drool kink, luffy has a lip ring, overstimulation, mention of blood, praise kink (both parties), cumplay, semi-public, oral (m rec)
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getting severe brain rot from just thinking about how needy and greedy luffy would be during a post-battle victory banquet...
especially after how nicely that black dress outlined your ass.
he just wants to put his hands all over you, but nami's banned him from any physically exerting activity, including dancing since he's still recovering from the damage he took.
poor guy almost begged to have himself buried in your sopping cunt, whimpering and gasping under you because he's been so stressed after all that fighting!
it's only right you help your boyfriend release all that pent-up energy right?
but to his dismay you were busy with traffy, his tattooed hands tracing over the thin fabric of your dress as you two danced.
"damn him." luffy chanted in his head continuously, wishing you'd stop focusing on law and pay attention to him instead.
your captain worked so hard to defeat kaido.. so why are you smiling and spending time with law instead? that's not fair. you should be rewarding luffy with your touch for being so strong all the time, no?
he couldn't even hear zoro's drunken babbling as he fixated his eyes on the two of you from his table. luffy thought it was too polite of you to let law touch you like that... way too polite. no longer able to deal with the ache in his shorts. though what made his heart palpitate the most was how the both of you seemed to be having a jolly fun time. he grazes his teeth over his lips, excusing himself from his best friend before stumbling towards the dance floor to reach you and law.
"actually i already rolled some spliffs, we can go outside n hit some right now if you'd like," law said with a deep chuckle, gazing at you with his half-lidded eyes. "go do that with your side, look he's starin' at you as i speak." you joke, nodding your head in the direction of kidd as law harshly exhales, rolling his eyes."fffucking hell will you drop that? i was zooted outta my mind when i said.." your conversation gets cut short when you feel pair of hands other than law's snake around your waist from behind.
you momentarily freeze— only to find relief when you hear luffy's voice. he's clinging onto you, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck. the threads of his strawhat slightly bent against your skin as luffy pressed himself closer; hiding the stony expression on his face. “(name).. you've been dancin' with traffy the whole time. it's annoying.” luffy whined against your earlobe. your captain continued to press and grind his body against you, something hard rubbing against your ass.
"i know luffy.. but me and law haven't properly hung since we left zou." you responded as luffy lifted his head from the warmth of your body to send law a glare while you both tried keeping balance on the floor as the surrounding crowd of people continued dancing. "so (name)-ya you coming? strawhat can tagalong if he wants." law spoke, putting his hands in his pockets as he glanced towards the exit.
"w--"
“nuh uhn..” luffy shook his head before you could even respond, his face wincing in a grimace.
"luffy, i—"
"no."
"you're supposed to rest lu.. you're still recovering" you softly exhaled, turning in his grip so you could face him. "well ya could've just stuck around me. ion like that you spent time with tra-guy in the first place." luffy continues whining, his voice growing annoyed and impatient.
he seemed restless, his breath uneven. "also ya promised you'd only dance with me." you giggled, scanning the way his pretty lips formed a pout, eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. “don't worry, it won't happen again lu, you're still my number one dance partner.. and i spent all day with you yesterday, n the day before.” you respond, letting another giggle leave your lips.
but luffy doesn't find it funny, he slowly loosens his grip on your waist— tossing his lip ring through his teeth as his obsidian eyes look into yours. "this is the thing with you, ya don't keep your promises (name)." he mutters his voice going a little deeper causing your smile to fall. wait.. huh?
"what's that even mean?" you retort. luffy's feeling all sorts of emotions right now.. but he can't tell why his breath is so shaky, or why his heart was feeling heavy. he'd been so stressed over the past few weeks, the pent-up anger was possibly getting to him.
“you keep breaking ya promises! thats what it means.” luffy snaps. for a second his eyes soften after he realizes he raised his voice, but he doesn’t move from his position, hands still on your waist. law, witnessing the sudden quarrel— decides to walk off leaving the two of you alone.
the tension between you felt heavy. "the fuck? luffy since when have i broken any of our promises. me and law well, dancing just.. happened. it didn't even mean anything we're friends." now you were getting agitated. "that's not even the main problem.." he muttered, luffy's gaze eats you up— and the glint in his eyes almost speak a magnitude of unsaid words.
"..i'm YOUR boyfriend (name), ya didn't like when hancock was all over me so why—" "can you stop bringing that bitch up??" you knew it wasn't great of you to dance with law all while your boyfriend was watching you, but you didn't think it'd be that big of a problem. you trace your hands over his— removing them as you angrily turn around to stride away. but you can never really get away from a man with the power to stretch, so luffy beats you to wherever you thought you were walking off to, stretching his arm and pulling your body back towards him.
“m’sorry… i— (name) i'm just feelin stressed right now. can you please just...” luffy rasps in a softer tone trailing off as his arms cage you. you stay silent for a couple of moments, trying to process the exchange of words you shared seconds ago. but the more he presses your back against him, the more you feel the stiffness between his legs. you don't quite know what to say, so you turn 180 degrees to press a hot kiss against his lips.
luffy's taken aback by the suddenness, but that doesn't stop him from enjoying it. he returns what you gave to him passionately. pulling you even closer, as if he's wanting to get completely lost in the kiss. you hum against his lips when luffy swivels his hips, grinding his dick against your inner thighs.
he seems so eager, so desperate for you and it shows. really lost in the kiss and in the moment, as if all he can think about is being balls deep in your dewy cunt. and who's to say you don't want him just as much. the way luffy's frenching you seems almost animalistic, and you could feel how he's having trouble controlling himself with every passing second that you're pressed against him. trying so hard to maintain his composure.
and when you break the messy kiss, a string of saliva still adjoining your lips— your captain looks at you with a blush, still panting heavily. watching the drool that slowly dripped from the corner of luffy's mouth was something that shouldn't have been so hot to you.
his eyes travel up and down your body and back to your lips. the faint taste of mango luffy had gotten drove him insane. he loved when you slathered your plump lips with lipgloss, regardless of the flavour or color— and he adored making a mess of it, ruining it. his own lips being stained a hint of red.
luffy seems lost again. almost unable to think by himself. he leans towards you once more, seemingly going in for another kiss. but he stops himself for a moment to admire how soft you feel— hands grasping your ass through the flimsy fabric of your dress. your head was spinning, maybe from the shots you took earlier, or the way luffy had devoured your mouth. "i-"
"shut up." you huff out, pulling him towards the nearest slightly secluded space you could find. and luckily, there was a nicely lit room with a thick futon neatly unfolded on the carpeted ground. pressing him against the wall, you brought a nasty, wet kiss to luffy's lips once more. one that left his stomach fluttering. he sucked and drug his tongue back and forth against yours, in the messiest ways he could think of. too lost in your lips to get off of the surface behind him.
he couldn't help the blood that rushed even more to his cock once you tugged hard on his hair. luffy couldn't put it into words, but he was such a slut for the way you painfully grasped his raven locks every time you enjoyed something. he muttered your name a couple of times between heavy breaths before he quickly wriggled out of the red material of his top letting you suction your way down his neck, teeth grazing his collarbone.
and you didn’t need any command to lower your head and place luffy's nipple between your lips. you only bothered to unbutton and drop his shorts low enough to free his aching dick, rock-hard and covered with pre-cum. fuck you wanted to slobber all over his length so bad. though luffy catches you by a fistful of your hair, preventing you from going further.
"stop, i wanna suck." you whine out, but luffy shakes his head, pulling his boxers up just enough to cover past the tip of his cock. pushing his back from off the door- he lays himself on the futon, hauling you with him. "no, i want you t’ sit on my face first." for a second, you stilled, as if the statement shocked you. "you... you want that?" you tested the waters, but luffy didn't just want it. he needed it.
"please… i’ll make ya cum so good (name) just sit on my face." luffy insists, eyes glossed over. face sitting was something he'd yearned to try with you for so long. so impatiently, he pulls you to straddle him, your dress sliding up your thighs. he wastes no time ripping the expensive fabric of your panties— taking a few moments to rub the pads of his calloused fingers along the wet patch you left beforehand.
you nervously let him pull you further up by the hips until your pussy is just above his mouth, the scent of your sweet arousal hitting his nose. “smell so good (name) m’gonna taste you now yeah?” “please do captain” you respond breathlessly. and before you could take another breath, luffy’s making out with your cunt— tongue lapping vigorously over your clit sending a pleasurable shiver up your spine.
you immediately try to raise your hips afraid you’ll suffocate him if you give in to the pleasure, but luffy’s hands grip your thighs painfully, preventing you from squirming away. because luffy doesn’t care if he suffocates as long as he’s got his tongue sloping in and through your folds. and something about knowing how anyone could walk into this room, seeing the two of you sent electricity through your core.
you felt the coolness of luffy's lip ring make contact with you constantly, and you couldn’t quite decipher his muffled words, but you could tell by the way he desperately stuffed his face between your legs that he was in ecstasy. “sso.. mmh feels good lu!” you barely manage voicing out, already close to your on-coming high.
but as much as luffy wants to stay between your thick thighs and fuck you with his mouth, he was restless, and hard. feeling his own heartbeat pulsing right at the tip of his dick. he suctions at your clit roughly, earning a loud cry from you before you’re already cumming— a slightly clear stream of liquid flowing from your cunt.
and of course, luffy being the greedy man he is takes everything you give him, leaving your cunt only after he’s had his fill. “taste n' look so pretty when you cum..” he coo's almost cheerfully before moistening his lips, a more serious look returning to his face as you free your legs from his face.
"here, taste yourself pretty" he whispers, pressing a slow kiss against your lips. though you only manage to come back to your senses enough to comprehend that he's torn off your nice pair off underwear, feigning a faux an annoyed look. "does ripping all my expensive lingerie get you off or something?"
"m'to impatient to take it off slowly.." he pouts, as you drag yourself off of him.
“is that so..? my turn now.” you whisper, before you're on off of him and on your knees tugging roughly at his unbuttoned shorts causing them to slightly tear.
"hey! those were m—"
you cut luffy short before he could complain about your petty revenge, giving the tip of his cock slow kitten licks and a few pumps before sealing your lips around it's pretty head, making him let out a throaty whine as you take or inches of him.
"i'll forgive ya if you open your mouth n take me deeper.." luffy breaths out lowly fully relaxed on his back now. one hand under his head and the other, guiding yours. you part your lips further, warm breaths of air fanning over his flushed tip.
“ahh.. fuckk baby— use that pretty mouth like you do best” luffy slurs, and something in you almost switches like a trigger. his coaxing encouraging the worst in you. especially since it was incredibly rare of him to use pet names with you. so you suddenly take as much his size as you can luffy shuddering in pleasure.
every ridge and vein on his length felt as your drag your tongue, every lick and suck of your mouth on him resulting in obscenity; gagging, wet noises, moaning. everything only making your hole flutter more.
his shut tight. opening them after a few seconds, to admire how your lips sank down on his cock. "gooddd, it's like ya mouth was made jus for— nggh.. sucking off your captain huh?"
"hold on.." you suddenly whisper, causing luffy to whine from the lost warmth. you take something out from between your cleavage. what was so important that you needed to stop? and suddenly he tenses his thighs.. you're scribbling on his cock. it tickles and it’s heaven. luffy couldn't even see what you are creating, but the sensation was fucking amazing. especially since he was so sensitive.
“thereee” you say, admiring your work.
“so pretty.”
“what did you do? i wanna see”, luffy begs, squirming needily. and you raise your hand, waving the wand of your cherry red lipgloss in your hand. luffy glances down to look at his aching cock, to find the words. 'all mine ♡' scribbled in red.
something about that act felt so endearing to him that luffy felt he'd tear up from the gesture— and from the fact that you were teasing his poor friend. he gives you a lazy smile. but as his eyes wander the room, he finds himself making eye contact with the tall mirror that but on a perfect display of your backside. you were almost on all fours now as you slobbered his cock, head tilted down and ass pointed up.
it looked so soft, and you looked ever so stunning. unfortunately for you, luffy was as restless as ever. he could never control himself whenever he saw that damn ass of yours. so you didn't blame him when he tugged on a fist-full of your hair to get you off his cock.
"wait m'not—"
"(name)... i— wanna fuck you from behind, please can't wait anymore.. want ya to put that cute ass on me."
"you're so impatient."
well, who were you to deny captains orders?
with a quick sound rustling of fabric, you'd immediately discarded your dress, pressing your face down into the futon as luffy teased your hole momentarily with the head of his cock. holding you in place by the hips and seconds later, he's already buried inside you— stuffing himself to the hilt. so fucking tight he thought.
luffy bit down onto his lip muffling the whimpers that endlessly slipped from his mouth— to the point that it drew a bit of blood. he pounded like he wanted everyone near to know, to hear how he was making a mess out of you. though he was shameless enough for it, luffy couldn't decide whether he wanted to be the only one that got to see your messy cum stuffed cunny, or if he wanted a live audience as he fucked you to the point of drooling. and who's to say you would mind the latter?
head thrown back in pleasure, his dark hair stringy from sweat, his furrowed eyebrows as you continue to tighten and clench around him, pulling you further onto his cock. he giggles breathily, "l-love when you squeeze me like that" only earning a incomprehensible mumble from you. something about the way he moaned and spoke was so ..slutty.
"cmonn.. i know ya can talk louder than that!" he sneers, and that was luffy's favourite part about doing this with you. he loved pleasuring you to the point of not being able to speak, knowing he's the only one who can make you this dumb on dick.
he loved the freedom that came with exploring new ways to make eachother feel good, and nothing made him happier than sharing in such freedom with you.
luffy's hands roughly fist your hair, pulling your head up in order to better show you what he's doing to you. "look in the mirror (name), look how gorgeous ya- gaahh, look when you're all fucked out. see? so pretty baby~" he taunts.
"gonna cum, wan' cream all over you!"
"yeah? captain's dick feels that good?" he lets off another breathy moan. "y-ya like it when i stretch ya out like this?" and when you let out a string of praises chanting his name like your life depended, he decided you deserved a treat in return for always being this good for him. so luffy bit down on his thumb and blew until you felt an unfamiliar sensation deep in your guts causing you to mewl out. he was way bigger all of a sudden, and his cock seemed to fill and rub against areas you'd never known could be reached.
"ah luffy thats.. you're- so deep” you almost wanted to sob as he watched you wriggle under him, your senses overloading from the stimulation luffy inflicts upon you. it was crazy how he could be so sweet and caring with you one moment, and the next having every bone in your body tingling from euphoria.
"keep— ah god.. moanin' out like that! let tra-guy know that yer all mine" luffy rasped, only further perusing with his erratic pace. it was ruthless almost— and hearing those pretty sounds from you didn't help the burning sensation he felt in his lower stomach.
"sso- so close!"
"pl-please need you to fill me full with your seed.." you whimper feeling your knees almost buckle when his cock starts to forcefully rub against your cervix.
"i gotcha! gonna.. stuff you up- mmm, so good n watch it spill out.." he laughs between his far from quiet moans, one of his hands tracing your ass until he snakes it down between your legs, rubbing at your clit without mercy. your vision blurred and your fingers gripped at the futon tightly, “ah fuck! L-LUFFY! LUFFY!"
and as you finally cum around him, clenching around his pulsating length once more. "that's it! so good baby, so good..!" he continues to fuck into you, hitting deeply over and over again, pushing you into the softness below— then it's his turn to orgasm. his sticky white filling your womb until it started to leak out. luffy pulls out just in time for your body to slump down onto the cushioned surface.
but he doesn't let go of your hips just yet. luffy's gaze hazily follows the milk colored substance that seeps out of your fluttering cunt as he draws heavy breaths. taking his middle and index working them into your sensitivity— watching the string of cum that shadows his fingers as he pulls them out.
luffy being luffy, couldn't help but want to taste it, because what would be the point of all this work if everything went to waste?
"say ahhh." was the only thing you could make out, before you're being flipped onto your back, a strong hand resting on your chin. through your blurred sight— you watched luffy lick two of his fingers slowly, savoringly before he gathers the drool in his mouth letting it drip down to yours. and you let him, letting your mouth hang agape to accept every bit of his filth.
"swallow... atta girl..!" he smiled brightly watching the lewd expression you made tasting your guys aftermath. he runs his hands back to your ass, kneading it slowly but without any ulterior motive other than that he loves holding it when you calm down together.
"i love you (name) m'sorry i got so mad at you earlier."
"no, i should apologize. you were injured n bored and i wasn't even checking up on you."
"speaking of injuries.. i think still i need some stress therapy." luffy says with a sly grin, laying beside you on the futon.
you catch on almost too quickly, shaking your head— breath still uneven. "no no no, we're done. we can't have any of your wounds reopening."
"don't ya wanna suck me off still? a bit of head can't do any harm!"
"you realize this room has no door right?"
"......when has that ever stopped us?"
oh god.
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©2023 sluttybwunni  ‎   you are not to plagiarize, translate, modify or post my content on tumblr nor any other platforms.
... ✸ a/n: i was baked past cloud 9 when i wrote the other half of this but, ion wanna hear noone say shit such as “luffy ain’t slutty like that” nah man he is 🙏 down with sex ignorant luffy !!! #ace luffy is still canon but so is slut luff
tags !! @svanesworld , @selkiemaiden , @dilvcslut , @iluvs-world , @eaves-dropper , @yourmumsthings , @sanjisblackasswife , @roronoaswifey , @movie-enthusiast22 , @luffypedia , @pandoras-box0 , @xxdiaqiaoxx , @girlmeetsbullshit , @n9hida , @w9vyy , @juno443 , @roronoazorohater , @soloplayer0901 , @deathkidz
2K notes · View notes
alonetimelover · 1 year
Text
pairing: harry styles x polish!reader (fem, she/her)
summary: harry plays a show where one of the most important people in his life attends - his fiancée's granny.
submitted by @otaktomotyl, thank you and i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!
a/n: i found polish translations on the internet, i hope they're okay.
masterlist ask, comment, come say hi!
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harryupdates
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liked by harrysmoustache, harryshoee and 37 201 others
harryupdates HARRY landed in Warsaw. I repeat, HARRY landed in Warsaw.
view all 3 013 comments
harrysmoustache and he's holding yn's hat???
harryshoee yn and harry can finally reunite... 🥹
harrysfan92 do you see his arms???? he looks like a Greek god, god damn
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harrysmoustache
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liked by harryupdates, stylesbabie and 12 301 others
harrysmoustache HAARY AT YN'S COUSIN WEDDING!!!!
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harryupdates you're so fast with those updates, lyla. im gonna lose my job...
stylesbabie yn be aware, he looks good enough to be THE groom. keep him close
⤷ harryslipstick i think that ring on her finger is saying more than anything
harrysmybestie guys, you know we are so close to see HIM at HIS OWN wedding...
⤷ harrysmylife don't
⤷ harrysmoustache why would you say that?!
⤷ outofstyles am i the only one awaiting that day impatiently??? i wanna see him being all nervous and loving and all of the emotions that people feel at the weddings
stylesislife only harry styles could come to my wedding wearing a tanktop that he also wears to his shows
⤷ hArrysbtch the only man i could forgive AND compliment on looking so fucking good
stylesbabie yn's cousin posted a photo from the ceremony, and you can see yn and harry being all snuggle and touchy 😭😭😭 i love them so much
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"What do you mean you're not coming up on stage? Harry, my love, what changed during the last two hours?" YN asked into her phone, anxious Harry being on the other side, soundly biting his nails. "And stop biting your nails, you've got a very nice colour on them."
"Is babcia (granny) here?"
"Mum texted they're close to the gate. Jeff, was kind enough to go there and pick them up so they wouldn't get in any trouble."
"Good, good, good. can- can you come backstage? I think I'd like some ted talk before the show," he said quietly, smile growing on his face. "And some kisses, too."
"Give me 10 minutes, I'll find that kind guard and ask him to guide me. I can't remember when to turn right."
"I'll wait for you. I love you."
"I love you."
Harry got up from the couch and started pacing from one wall to the other. His hands were trembling, getting sweaty. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt this nervous before start of the show. Not wembley or Slane Castle were as nerve wrecking as Warsaw. He knew it perfectly that it wasn't because of the city or the country. Well, it partially was.
It was YN's home show. But also her whole family was just outside the gates or already walking down the hallways to get to their seats (VIP of course, besides YN's younger cousins that wanted the front row, barricade experiance). And probably the most important guests for Harry - YN's grandparents, especially her granny. A sweet 92-year-old lady that started learning english and using an iPhone to be able to talk and contact Harry. A lady who bought his heart with sweet butter biscuits that no one could replicate. A lady that listened and then learned his whole three albums for this day - the day she would finally see him play live.
So he was terrified to disappoint her.
"What if i mess up the lyrics?" he asked YN when she finally came to the greenroom, he had been pacing in.
"Then she will sing it to you."
"But what if she won't like hearing me live? I mean, it's- it's a possibility. What? Why are you giggling. I'm really stressed here, my darling."
"I'm so sorry." She kissed the crown of his head. "It's just that you're afraid of impossibility. There is no way she would laugh at you or be disappointed in you." YN stroke his hair, gently massaging it, bringing Harry peace.
"You sure?"
"I've never been more sure in my life."
"She'll like it." Harry reassured himself aloud.
"Yes, she will. Not only she loves you like her own grandchild, she's also nervous. This morning she facetimed me to help her pick up an outfit. She bought quite a few things after she saw some pictures of your fans on the internet." She laughed, finding it quite adorable.
"Did she?" Harry lifted his head from yn's lap. "Oh, bless her."
They spent the next few minutes in silence, letting Harry's heart to calm down and steady its pace.
"Wait, did you say that you've never been more sure about something in your life?" Harry eventually broke the silence.
"Yes?"
"So, you had doubts when I asked you to marry me?"
"Oh god."
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harryloveontour
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liked by harryupdates, stylesmaaan and 21 491 others
harryloveontour first look at harry at tonight's show in warsaw! it wasn't even the first minute, and he was already seen sending kisses towards yn!
view all 6 023 comments
harrysmylife and it was not only for yn!!! her whole family is with her. even her grandparents.
⤷ stylesbabie omg, they must love him soooo so much
ynandhmyparents they are the sweetest couple i've ever seen, like ever
harrysmoustache is anybody live??? i need to experience this show, i have tissues ready
⤷ hArrysbtch hslotwarsaw is live and it's in such a good quality
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hslotwarsaw
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liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 21 291 others
hslotwarsaw this is harry's reaction to seeing yn dancing with one of the fans during adore you!!!
view all 3 491 comments
harryupdates omg, his reaction was priceless!!!!
hArrysbtch the way this man said "back off, my friend. she is taken. ring and all. no, no, no." he wa ready to jump from that stage to stop that man from hugging yn!
⤷ stylesbabie i mean, did that guy asked yn if that was okay?
⤷ lovingharry he did, you could see it on the videos that people already posted
harrysmoustache he's like "excuse me, man. that is my fiancée. MY fiancée."
harrysmylife oh, this concert just started and i know it's gonna be the best of all times
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lately you've been on my mind
honey, ah ah ah
The whole stadium was singing back to him. He could describe the feeling it awoke in him each time. It was similar but never the same. Especially today, everything seemed to touch him deeper, better, and clearer.
"Someone's stealing your girl, Styles"
Harry heard someone in his earpiece, making him stop singing. He played it cool by putting the mic towards the audience simultaneously looking for YN.
It didn't take him long. She was right where she promised to be. The space designed specifically for her family, not enclosed but clearly separated from the main audience. There she was dancing and laughing with some middle-aged guy.
Harry was a jealous person in nature. In particular when it came to his partners. He wasn't proud of it, and he definitely didn't have any way to believe that YN would sprint after every Tom, Dick and Harry. Every day she showed him how in love she was, there could be no way.
But here he was. Jaw clenched, not singing and glaring towards his fiancée.
"Harry, everything alright?" Again the voice in his earpiece.
YN stopped dancing, feeling that unmistakable eyes almost glued to her. Oh, it didn't look good.
"How you doin' Warsaw?!" Harry finally screamed into the microphone. The squeals, screems and whistles gave him all he wanted - distraction.
And when YN smiled at him so lovingly and sweetly, it was enough to carry him till this moment.
"Your sign says 'help me shoot my shot'. Is this person with you?" Harry asked the fan who was holding the very neat and colourful sign. Somehow he didn't recognise him from just a minutes ago.
"She's here."
"Wow! Your voice is so loud, man. But how do you want me to help you when she's here. She's next to you somewhere?"
And then if it would have been possible, Harry's jaw would touch the floor. That guy shamelessly pointed towards YN. Now he remembered.
People screamed so loudly, because everything was shown on the biggest screen behind the stage.
"Well, back off, my friend. She is taken. Ring and all. No, no, no." Harry tried to play it cool by laughing at the end. "And, as far as I'm concerned, we're not lookin' for the third one in the relationship."
Now the stadium was laughing along with the long 'ouuuu'.
"How did you know you'd be close to YN, anyway?"
"Manifesting."
"Manifesting?" Harry repeated so everyone could know the answer. "Well, you're doing it right, so I suggest betting or playing lottery. And, to be honest most importantly," he pressed. "Not stealing someone else's future wife!"
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 34 201 others
harryupdates harry introducing yn's grandmother at tonight's show.
view all 7 201 comments
hArrysbtch she is the sweetest lady, my god. i love her even though i don't know her 🥹
harrysmoustache "this show is very special to me. here are my future parents in law as well as grandparents. hello, hi!" i still can't comprehend harry being engaged...
harrysmylife "granny, how are you doing? do you need anything? no? you're good? excellent! that's what I wanted to hear. please give it up for granny!" and the way he started clapping both of his hands and the whistling???? and then speaking in polish i think???
⤷ polisharry Yes! He said 'dziękuję, babcia że tu jesteś' which means 'thank you granny for being here
harryfan82 this show is sooo good
outofstyles did anybody see harry constantly looking towards that area, where yn's whole family is?
⤷ harrysmoustache absolutely! i can't imagine how nervous he is, considering it's the first (at least that we know of) time he sings in front of them
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hArrysbtch
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liked by harryupdates, harrysmylife and 33 101 others
hArrysbtch HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY MEDICINE BUT THE BAND STARTED IT WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. I CANT. HES REACTION IS PRICELESS. HES TERRIFIED.
view all 8 101 comments
harryupdates he didn't even started it on cue, thank god the audience was so pumped up for it and sang it!
harrysmoustache "no no no no no. we weren't supposed to play it. sarah!" the fear and confusion in his voice was everything. they got him good.
outofstyles "you're gonna pay for it. all of you." this is so funny
stylesbabie the funniest thing is how when he started singing it, he was all touchy and sexy. it was like he forgot about the problem in the moment...
godstyles "granny's terrified" HARRY YOU DIDN'T PUT THE MICROPHONE DOWN, MAN
⤷ harrysmoustache but they showed granny being all smiley during medicine. i think she enjoyed it just like any other song!
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, stylesbabie and 41 202 others
harryupdates harry smiling while talking to yn's little cousin (yn was translating everything to her and then to harry). she then opened as it was with "harry, I wanna say goodnight to you"
view all 3 201 comments
hArrysbtch i hate kids but that baby was so cute i wish i could squish her cheeks
harrysmoustache he was all smiles and gentle eyes while talking to her, he loves this family so much
styleslove i love when people are so open with their feelings for their partner's family
harrysfan081 so cute
stylesbabie give this man a child already
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hslotwarsaw
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liked by harryupdates, stylesmylove and 61 201 others
hslotwarsaw harry after splashing water at yn and her family at the end of the show!
and with this photo, we're ending our 'photo-stream'. thank you all for helping us prepare all of the fan projects and thank you for welcoming harry so warmly in our country! till the next time!
view all 8 20q comments
harryupdates you did amazing job!
hArrysbtch yn's granny got so happy at the moment harry decided to threaten her with a bottle
stylesbabie granny had a water gun and threatened harry back with it!!!!! it was soo cute, he run away laughing
harrysfan88 best show so far
harrysmylife "this one of the loudest show i can remember. and i know why. my fiancée's whole family is here. and believe me, they can make so much noise it's impressive!" my friend stood next ro them and confirmed, they were so loud during the whole set list!!
harryshands i can't imagine better way for harry to cope with this amount of pressure. he delivered one of the best performances in his life - sound and entertain wise. truly amazing
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"Harry, my sweet boy."
Harry turned 180° from the conversation he was having with Jeff to see the face of the lady with the heavy accent he knew so well.
"Babcia! (granny)" he exclaimed, jogging towards her and ambracing in a tight hug. "How I've missed you."
"You saw me yesterday, you."
"I know." He pulled away, still having his arm around granny. "But it's already been almost 24 hours. A long time, don't you think?"
Granny shook her head with a smile and placed her head on Harry's chest. She was rather exhausted from all the lights, noise, dancing and standing up for almost three hours.
"You wanna sit down, granny?" YN asked, squeezing her grandmothers arm in a way showing her she was nearby.
"Oh, yes. My legs aren't 20 years old as much as I would like them to be."
The three of them sat down on the green couch and talked about the show. Granny was impressed with all the fans having the time of their life, but specifically the ones that seemed to take in the show on their own terms.
"There were those two girls just hugging the whole time and singing softly all the songs. It was so lovely," granny explained.
"It's funny how they were two of very little to not use their phone during the show," commented someone in the room.
And before harry got the chance to defend people taking photos and recording, granny sat up straight.
"Well, in the 60s, my father took me to see The Beetles and I wish i had a camera then. It was such a magical moment that I would want it to be not only engraved in my mind but also on paper. I took so many photos of you, Harry. I need you to print them so I can show them to my friends on the next bingo evening."
YN nodded her head with a smile, not only planning to print the photos but putting the whole concert that harry recorded on the CD. Granny loved watching that type of thing on her telly.
"Harry," granny spoke up after a few moments. "I do have a question however."
"Ask away, granny."
"That song, medicine. What is it about?"
1K notes · View notes
reiding-writing · 9 months
Note
Ok hear me out read is an art professor and she invites the team to come to a showcase she planned for her student and the whole night is filled with her and her student laughing with each other and her fawning over her students and Spencer is in awe at the relationships she’s built while teaching
(Sorry for the long ask🤍)
favours [ s.r ]
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Summary:
You’re in the final preparations for your students’ art exhibition, all you need now is as many people to attend as possible, leading you straight to your fellow professor and major mild work crush, Dr. Spencer Reid, to ask him for a personal favour.
WARNINGS: n/a
pairing: professor!spencer x fem!professor!reader
genre: fluff, two pining idiots in love
wc: 3.5k
masterlist!!
a/n: did i hyperfixate on this request bc it was so damn cute and proceed to write the whole thing in one sitting instead of over multiple days like i usually would? yes, yes i did.
thank you for requesting <33 the idea that someone genuinely thinks my writing is good enough to specifically want to read more of it makes me cry happy tears inside
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Three days.
Three days until your class’ art exhibition, scouted by some of the most profound Art Directors in the country.
It was incredibly important, and you were pulling every string you could to make sure that your students got the absolute best results from it.
You’d asked almost everyone you knew to be in attendance, hoping that the more people who attended the exhibition, the more likely the scouts were to pick up your students from the amount of attention their pieces were getting.
That’s what lead you here. Stood outside of Dr. Spencer Reid’s office.
You had always been fascinated with his roots as an FBI Agent, not to mention his overwhelming intelligence in every subject you could possibly think of.
You can vividly recall the first time you met almost a year ago, and how he talked your ear off for almost an hour about the intricacies of the print of Monet’s ‘Woman with a parasol’ hung up in your office.
How it was actually a painting of Monet’s wife and son that he’d painted to capture one sunny and slightly windy day that they’d spent as a family.
How Monet helped create the genre of impressionism paintings through his works in the early 1860’s.
How oil paints were, and continue to be, some of the most widely used mediums due to its sheer versatility, and how easy its materials were to find.
And you explicitly remember how you questioned how this man wasn’t at all educated in the fine arts despite knowing so much about it.
You give three short knocks on Spencer’s office door, praying that he wasn’t currently in a lecture or busy with something else.
“Come in,” You give an internal sigh of relief at his voice on the other side of the door, pushing it open and peeking your head inside first before entering and closing the door behind you,
“Oh,” Spencer blinked up at you as you entered, clearly not having expected it to be you, but his expression showing that he wasn’t disappointed that it was you either. “Are you alright?”
“I need a favour,” You cut straight to the point as you walk across his office, noting the copy of Vincent Van Gogh’s biography on his desk as you pull out the chair on it’s opposite side, it definitely not being something he’d usually read on his breaks.
That’s something you’d remembered about him. As much as Spencer Reid could talk for hours on practically any subject you could possibly think of, he was not one for small talk.
Spencer raised an eyebrow at you slightly. “A favour?”
You nod with a slightly pleading expression, silently begging him to accept before you even ask him the question. “So my students have their final exhibition this Saturday and it’s being scouted by some really important people and I really want it to go perfectly for them so I’m trying to rally as many people to attend as possible because popularity means attention and attention means a higher likelihood of getting scouted-”
You fall into a ramble of a tangent, only stopping when you’d physically couldn’t keep going due to a lack of oxygen, taking a sharp breath in through your nose.
“Long story short, I am practically begging you to come. You can bring anybody you want, you can bring everybody you know if you want to.” You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, your eyes desperately pleading with him to humour you. “I just really want this to go well,”
Spencer almost melted at your expression. You were clearly very passionate about your students and their futures and the expression on your face made any resolve for him spending his Saturday night curled up in his study like he usually would fly straight out of the window. “What time should I be there?”
Your shoulder’s visibly relax at his question, and you reach a hand across his desk to grasp at his, giving it a small squeeze. “Oh my god thank you you have no idea to much this means to me,”
Spencer mourns the loss of your hand on his as soon as you pull it back into your lap.
“The exhibition starts at six, but I want to give my class a test run of what the experience will be like before they’re actually bombarded so could I ask you to be there for around five-thirty?”
“Five-thirty is perfect,” His tone matches his expression, soft, pure, and completely willing to help you out with whatever you ask of him.
“I really owe you one for this, thank you so much Dr. Reid,” You sing Spencer’s praises in your head as you stand, clasping your hands together as you make a mental reminder to pay him back later.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
“You’re down bad huh?”
He’d expected Morgan’s teasing, but that didn’t mean that his cheeks didn’t flush red at the comment. “She’s just a friend Morgan,”
“Just a friend my ass,” Morgan rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t that new episode of Doctor Who come out tomorrow, at six o’clock? You know, the one you’v e been raving about for the last two weeks about not wanting to miss?”
He couldn’t really deny deny that. He had been going on about wanting to watch that new episode, and how he wouldn’t miss it for the world. Yet here he was, declaring to the team that he was going to be spending his Saturday evening at a university art exhibition instead.“I can record it and watch it when I get home,”
“Mhm, sureee lover,” Spencer rolled his eyes with a small sigh at Morgan’s tone, beginning to regret his request for the team to accompany him. “Are you going to come or not?”
“Oh I’ll be there alright,” Morgan gave Spencer a sharp pat on the shoulder as he vacated to the kitchenette, and Spencer glanced towards JJ and Emily who both served him a short nod and knowing glances.
He was doing this for you. He could endure some teasing from his team. It’d be fine.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
He noticed you before you noticed him, kneeling on the floor behind one of your students pieces to adjust the angle of the standing light so it would best show off the painting’s vibrant colours. You’d always had an eye for details like that.
He didn’t notice the unconscious smile that breached his features as his eyes landed on you, but Morgan definitely did.
“Ooh, look at you all blushing and smiling,” Morgan elbowed Spencer in the side lightly, to which Spencer cleared his throat and subconsciously adjusted his shirt collar, straightening his features out once more. “Shut up Morgan…”
“It’s the pretty lady with the skirt right?” Garcia leaned up on her toes to look over Spencer’s shoulder as you got up from your kneeling position, floor length skirt swaying loosely with your movement as you walked around the canvas to see if the change in lighting had made a difference.
Spencer had to consciously suppress a sigh. Maybe bringing the team here to witness him silently fawn over you was not the best idea. “Yes, she’s- the one with the skirt,”
He rubbed that palm of his hand down his face, turning to the group. “Stay here, i’ll be back in a minute,”
He gave them a glance as he made his way over to you, silently warning them to behave themselves like they were a group of children in a sweet shop.
“Hey,”
You turn on your heels at the sound of Spencer’s voice, your skirt twirling with you as your eyes first land on Spencer’s chest before looking up towards his face. “You’re here, oh thank god,”
You take his arm and pull him to stand beside you, turning his body to look at the canvas. “Do you think the lighting is right? Or is it still too shadowed on the bottom right hand corner?”
Spencer’s mind goes completely blank as you physically move him to where you want him to be, caught up on the warmth of your hand on his arm rather than your question. “It uh…”
He takes a second to recompose himself as he stares at the canvas in front of him, an array of vibrant coloured dots arranged in the vague silhouette of an autumnal park. “It looks perfect to me,”
Your nod indicates he gave the right answer. “Good, okay, that’s good,” You tap your hand against his arm for a second, biting the inside of your cheek as you analyse it for a few moments more.
“I uh- brought some friends with me-” Spencer nods towards the team with his head. “Well- they’re technically my co-workers but i’d still say they’re friends-”
Your eyes follow Spencer’s nod towards the six people gathered by the entrance, greeted immediately by a wave of smiles, and you mirror them with your own as you look back at Spencer again. “You are a literal god among men,”
You give his arm a squeeze before breaking into a half jog towards his team to introduce yourself, leaving Spencer to follow you with his eyes as he tried to hide the blush covering his cheeks.
“Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you all, I hope i’m not interrupting too much of your Saturday night,” You won’t lie and say you’re not nervous to meet them, especially considering Spencer had mentioned the group being his co-workers and therefore FBI Agents, but you keep a positive expression on your face nonetheless.
“Oh don’t be silly, this is probably the most exciting Saturday night any of us have had in a while,” The petite blonde woman at the front of the group waves off your concern with a small laugh, one that you mirror with a small sigh of relief.
A few short introductions later, you send the group on their own personal missions, each set with a printed out sheet of paper containing various questions about the art pieces to ask your students, hoping to prepare them for the inevitable onslaught they would endure when the exhibit opened in 18 minutes.
18 minutes.
The glance at the clock hung on the wall reminds you of your time constraint as you eye the hall for any of your students in need of help.
Sure enough you find yourself repositioning a line of clay pottery whilst one of your students adjusts the small carpet under column they’re perched on to make sure they don’t fall off balance and accidentally shatter before the doors open, caught in pleasant conversation as you explain the best way for the glazing to gloss in the light.
“You really are down bad aren’t you?” Morgan’s voice interrupted Spencer’s unapologetic staring in your direction, and he sighs as he turned to give Morgan a pointed glare.
“Oh come on Reid, it’s so obvious,” Spencer has half the mind to stuff the sheet of paper in his hand in Morgan’s mouth to get him to stop talking.
“She likes you too you know,” Both Morgan and Spencer turn in tandem towards the new voice, one of your students who’d incidentally overheard the conversation as he focused on hanging up a black backdrop behind his full-body sculpture. “She talks about you in class all the time,”
Spencer’s cheeks automatically blush a dark shade of red at the revelation, not at all helped by the muffled chuckles coming from Morgan. “She’s sketched you a bunch too, she uses them as examples in our realism classes,”
Spencer thinks he might implode in this moment. You’ve talked about him in your classes? You’ve drawn him and shown them in your classes?
“Apparently your hair is perfect and she really likes the shape of your nose,” The student shrugs, only half invested in his own explanation as he staples the black fabric to the wall.
Spencer subconsciously brings his hand up to the bridge of his nose, tracing his fingers down it as he imagines what else you might’ve said without him knowing.
“Ooh, looks like the lover boy’s got a chance,” Spencer nearly does stuff his paper in Morgan’s mouth at that statement, pushing his arm as he shook his head, only causing Morgan to laugh further.
“Five minutes guys! Pack everything that you’re not using away! Remember, your art is your baby, treat it like it’s the most important thing to ever exist, and don’t forget to compliment your own abilities!”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
“You’ve really got your whole heart in this haven’t you?” Spencer catches you mildly off guard as you lovingly watch your students promote their art pieces to the viewers of the exhibition from afar.
“Why wouldn’t I?” You chuckle softly at the question, turning your head slightly to look at him standing next to you. “I find no greater achievement in life that watching aspiring artists take their shot. Especially if i’m the one who’s had the pleasure of guiding them.”
“It’s really sweet of you to put so much of yourself into helping your students, i’m sure they’re all really appreciative,” Spencer could read the love you had for your students all over your face, and it only served to drown him deeper in his adoration for you.
To see someone put so much time, so much effort, so much love, into something that they ultimately had no benefit in was really admirable, and it was one of the things that he’d come to adore about your character.
It wasn’t just the fact that your hair shone in the overhead lighting, or the fact that you smiled like an angel sent down from the heavens. It wasn’t the lingering touches between you when you’d spend time together or the fact that you’d gone out of your way to read one of his favourite books during your lunch breaks so that you’d have something to talk about.
It was just you. You as a person. Even your flaws were flawless and he couldn’t understand how it was physically possible for someone to be so… perfect.
“Do you really like the shape of my nose?” The comfortable silence between you is broken by Spencer’s question, the words falling out of his mouth before he has time to think them over.
“Wh- I-” You immediately fall into a state of mild panic, your features flushed and your eyes darting around the hall as you attempt to maintain your composure. “How did- Who told you that?”
“I uh…” Spencer mirrors you in his flusteredness, internally punching himself for allowing the question to leave his mouth. “One of your students did… With the sculpture-”
He half-points in the direction of the full-body sculpture, a small semi-circle of people surrounding it as they examine the art and talk to your student about it, and you purse your lips as you make a mental promise to yourself to out the plethora of sketches he’d made of his classmate at his graduation as payback.
“You- have a very drawable face,” You nod exaggeratedly as if it was going to get you out of the conversation, although Spencer’s apparent obliviousness rendered that strategy useless.
“..Drawable?” His eyebrows furrowed slightly, leaving small wrinkles above the bridge of his nose and casting his eyelids in a small shadow that you would die to take a picture of and recreate in charcoal.
“Uh, yeah, drawable, you’re an easy person to draw,” You shrug slightly, trying to offset your awkwardness as nonchalance, as if you drawing Spencer whilst he was bent over a book in the lunch room was a totally normal thing for anyone to do. “You’ve got nice facial features…”
You will yourself to stop talking because you know if you continue you’ll end up saying something that throws you right in the deep end and you’ll never mentally recover.
“Oh-” Spencer’s face flushes further if that’s even possible, a beautiful rose colour painting his cheeks that would make an absolutely perfect art piece. “Thank you-”
“No problem-” The two of you fall into a slightly awkward silence after that, and you find momentary solace in watching one of your students fall into what seems like an enrapturing conversation with one of the scouting directors about the nature of her painting.
“Hey uh- Dr. Reid,” You tear your eyes away from the exhibition and back towards Spencer again, surrendering to the inevitability of you having to push your way through the awkwardness between you if you wanted to continue your conversation with him. Which you did. Very much. “I’m uh- sorry if I made you uncomfortable by sketching you without your permission, that wasn’t my intention at all,”
“Oh- no it’s completely fine-” Spencer waved a hand in front of him as if to wave away all of your worries. “It’s really flattering actually,”
His sentence was joined by a small laugh as he raked his fingers through the curls at the base of his neck, the curls covering the inside of your most prized sketchpad. “And you don’t have to call me Dr. Reid all the time, Spencer is perfectly fine,”
He offered you a soft smile that made your heart flutter, and you find yourself only capable of responding with a nod, unable to form a coherent string of words in your head.
“Maybe you can show me them some time,”
You blink up at him for a second before you realise he’s talking about the sketches. “Oh, uh, they’re not very good-”
“I’ve seen some of your pieces, you’re incredible,” Spencer shakes his head at your assessment of your drawings. “’Don’t forget to compliment your own abilities’, it’d be a little hypocritical to tell your students that and then downplay your own don’t you think?”
You mentally curse his judgement as you’re reminded of his eidetic memory, something you’d found entirely fascinating when he’d first explained it to you.
“That’s not fair-” You let out a small laugh of exasperation, tucking your hair behind your ear.
Spencer smiles at your internal panic, and he decides now is a good of a time as ever to just make the leap. He liked you, and he was fairly certain that you liked him too.
“Do you remember saying you ‘owe me one’ a few days ago when you first asked me to attend the exhibit? If you show me your sketches we can call it even,” Spencer’s eyes trailed over every one of your features as your micro-expressions changed whilst you deliberated the question.
“And whilst we’re at it, maybe we can- go and get coffee together or something…” Spencer tried to ignore the pounding of his heart against his chest as he extended his proposal, and your eyes immediately flicker up to his as he finishes speaking.
“Like- a date?”
“If you’d like it to be…” The two of you were both horribly flustered by now, both of you practically radiating your emotions for each other.
“I- Yeah… I’d like that,” You smile that gorgeous, perfect smile up at him and he swears his heart melts into a puddle at the sight.
“Perfect..”
Thank god for mutual favours.
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intheholler · 5 months
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what do you think of all of the people being scared of appalachia? i don't know if this is recent or not, but currently i've been seeing a ton of shit online like "never go to the appalachian mountains, it's so dangerous", and i just don't understand it. my family's lived in appalachia for forever, and none of us have experienced anything paranormal or endangering to us. you're one of my favorite blogs on here and i'd just like to hear your thoughts on it
first off, it means a lot that i'm one of your favorite blogs and im really happy i can contribute something to your experience here :') thanks so much for being here <333
but ok so.
my thoughts on it are many. it's been bothering me a long time and i've been meaning to get it off my chest. this will be long and probably ranty, so it won't hurt my feelings if anyone skims lol
lemme preface this little diatribe by saying the obvious: folklore is an integral part of any culture. the mythos of a place/people is tied directly to their histories and unique experiences and struggles and they are enriching. this is true of appalachia too.
oral folk traditions especially are incredibly historically appalachian.
i mentioned in a post i made yesterday about murder ballads, how the purpose of these was to warn kids away from doing dumb shit and getting lost in the hollers--falling down cliffs n mineshafts and shit at night. gettin got by wildlife.
it spooked us safe. they served a purpose, and once you got old enough to realize they're as real as the tooth fairy, they just become enjoyable and nostalgic. because they're you're culture.
probably every mountain kid has stories about haints n boogers that were told to them by their grandparents, and they grow up to tell them to their own kids, and so on. some of it stuck with me because i grew up with the folklore.
by that i mean, i'm a whole 31 year old woman and i still avoid looking out a dark window at night cause it gives me the shivers. i still get spooked when i hear a big cat yowling in the woods. but the difference is i know there's not really haints out there crying--it's just a product of my childhood. ghost stories are fun.
the problem comes in when someone outside the culture gets their hands on appalachian oral folk traditions. then, it becomes a familiar problem: outsiders cherry picking appalachia and harming us with the mess they make rifling through it all.
it's all about the surface level and the visuals. they all love a good aesthetic blog, run by some local from out west or some shit who's never stepped foot here.
but as soon as the spooky photo filters come off and the real life marginalized person is left standing there just out of frame, we go back to being disgusting examples of what not to be. decrepit churches n buildings are aesthetic and quirky until they stop being on a pinterest board, and then they just become damning images of an impoverished region who deserves to be laughed at.
now, not to holler 'splain you--this is more for anyone not from here who might read this: it's been a systemic issue for decades; there were literal government campaigns to demonize us to the rest of the nation so they could garner support to cut into our mountains and exploit our labor and resources.
well, they were fuckin successful, and we have been falsely made out to be this homogenous nightmare of a place--"welfare exploiting" maga country who deserves everything we get, and nothing we don't.
by going so far as to take appalachian folklore that we tell each other and picking out the "aesthetic" stuff--the haints and general paranormal--they are pruning what they like from our culture--the safe things, like ghost stories--for their own aesthetic use.
but not only that, they are using it to demonize us… yet again.
'appalachia is scary. it's full of things that will kill you. don't look out the window at night cause a booger will get you.' only they don't call them boogers cause they ain't even from here. ask them what a haint is and they'll ask if u mispelled 'haunt.'
it gets even worse when you consider that so much of it has roots in native american culture, and how that continues to be exploited and misrepresented.
i'm not even innocent of that. a while back i had to check myself because i made a comment on here about ~spooky appalachia~ ignorant to the fact that what i was commenting on was actually a deeply important cultural and spiritual element to local indigenous tribes. my comments were harmful by my failure to educate myself and know better, thereby saying things carelessly.
my point being--i'm from the area. i should have known better.
when outsiders start saying the kind of shit they say about what they think they hear in the woods without even knowing where such an idea comes from, they're disrespecting a displaced, abused and exploited people, harming real cultures just for clicks without even knowing. that's on top of the damage they're doing to greater appalachia.
it's fuckin gross.
i think my favorite one i ever seen was this middle aged white lady going through her pristine mcmansion somewhere in suburbia, pulling the million curtains and locking the million doors, going "nighttime routine in appalachia!! 🤪🤪"
i could be wrong about this particular person--i didn't check their other tiktoks because im sick of them accounts and tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt--but it immediately came off as a transplant because:
1) mcmansion, 2) i dont know nobody here that locks their shit down like that (not locking up could even be argued as a part of my local culture, a reflection of our deep sense of community and trust in our neighbors).
and then the comments was all like "i don't know how you guys live there" and it actually broke my heart and pissed me off because even if--especially if--you're one of us, why the fuck are you harming us for likes? why are you turning people against us in a brand new way?
and to the transplants that do this--why?
you're not even from here, you moved here to this place you hate and made it worse just so your front porch would have a nice view, and are now benefiting socially from perpetuating bullshit about us?
you buy up all the land, land we often had no choice but to sell in the first place to survive instead of passing it on to our families, land we originally took from the indigenous peoples your content comes from.
you overdevelop it and turn it unrecognizable to make it more like the comfortable cities you come from. you gut a mountain town of its local businesses and cultures, you price people out of their homes...
...and then once you settle in all cozy like, you go tell everyone else how scary it is? how you can't trust the hills? like it's a cool paranormal bravery badge to wear? fuck off entirely.
so idk, in short my personal thoughts are: i personally enjoy a little myth as a treat, because the folklore is a part of the gothic, a part of our culture and a part of my childhood. i don't (intentionally) wield it as a weapon or use it as a pedestal to get the weird brand of attention that people like them are after.
and those who do this can get got by them haints for all i care.
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empresskylo · 9 months
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beneath the mask ✩ chapter 15 ⬅ch.14
➠𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈; 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓; 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 ➠SIMON "GHOST" RILEY X AFAB!READER ➠CHAPTER TAGS | nsfw. violence. smut. wc 5.6k ➠AUTHOR'S NOTE | this chapter is very self-indulgent.,.. my bad. it also begins to stray from canon so uhh sorry if that bothers you.
𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐜𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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“my sources tell me all the VIPs in las almas will be there tonight,” alejandro spoke, turning to face you, ghost, soap, and graves. he took in a breath. “some are invited, others are, umm…”
“volun-told…?” graves concluded. 
“yes.”
“what’s the meet about?”
“us.” he looked a bit apprehensive as he spoke. “las almas is burning, and they want to know who lit the fire.”
“sin nombre will be there, yeah?” ghost asked.
alejandro turned and walked towards ghost. “no guarantees. But this is our best shot.”
“then we take it,” graves said as he made his way into the small circle you were all forming. “I’ve got enough shadows here to take over the whole damn country.”
something about graves unsettled you. it was like he spoke with hidden meanings in each of his words, making you feel unease. but you kept quiet and listened. 
“i’d prefer if you didn’t,” alejandro rebutted. 
“i’m just sayin’... one house shouldn’t be a problem.” 
“we need sin nombre alive,” you added. everyone’s eyes shifted to you.
“well…” graves looked off into the distance as he contemplated. “then we need to meet him.”
“how?” soap questioned, his eyes intently watching graves. 
“give ‘em what they want… intel. they wanna know who’s here. let's tell ‘em.”
alejandro scoffed under his breath. “in person–?”
“correcto.” 
you rolled your eyes at graves and soap bumped your shoulder in silent reprimand, but you saw the corners of his lips curving. 
“get one of us inside, find the boss… roll him up.” graves gestured his hands together as he kept alejandro’s haughty gaze.
there was a brief lull before soap spoke up. “i’ll do it.”
“you go in there, and they’ll kill you, hermano.”
“i’ll take my chances. we came here to stop a missile, let’s stop it. i’ll offer intel for a meet with sin nombre. and if he’s there, we pounce.” 
“hell yeah—you’ve got balls, cabrón,” alejandro said with a sly smirk on his face. “you make it in, you’ll need eyes and ears.”
“i’ll go,” you chimed up.
their heads snapped to you. 
“what? no, you—” soap began, but you cut him off. 
“if one of you go and get caught, they’ll shoot. probably will call the whole fucking house to take you down. but if I go and get caught, i can talk my way out of it.”
soap shook his head. “yeah? how do you plan on doin’ that?”
you shifted on the balls of your feet. “i’m a woman. and it’s a bunch of men…”
alejandro let a breath out through his nose. “sure you wanna handle that?” you appreciated that he didn’t ask if you could handle it, but rather, if you were certain you wanted to.
you nodded. 
“there’s other ways we can go about this,” johnny added. 
“and this puts the least amount of people at risk,” you retorted. soap matched your gaze, assessing you.
ghost tensed beside you. “I’ll take overwatch.”
the rest of the conversation turned to a buzz in your ears. you weren’t sure why you offered to go. maybe because you were worried if one of them got caught, as powerful as these men were, they couldn’t take down an entire house full of killers. 
but if you got caught… you just had to play it off like you were hired to be there. not that you wanted to have to do that, but it felt like you’d be putting their lives at risk if you just sat back and let them handle it when you were perfectly capable of doing your part. 
you all departed from the roof and got geared up; ghost found you alone in one of the few rooms of the safehouse—an abandoned building you were temporarily camping in.
“tryna get yourself killed?”
you jumped slightly at his booming voice and glanced over your shoulder at him. you continued to adjust your outfit as you talked. “what was i supposed to do? sit back and let them be the only ones risking their life? what am i here for then if not to help?”
simon made a noise of dissatisfaction. “you’re a medic, not a spy.”
you spun on your heels to face him and some of the air in your lungs got lost when you saw his bare face. you swallowed, you weren’t sure you were ever going to get used to that—to seeing his face and how at ease he felt around you to strip the ghost facade. “i don’t want to just sit around and wait for someone to get hurt.”
“that’s your fuckin’ job,” he said irritated, his words quieter, but his voice deep and commanding.
“i can handle this,” you finally said, your eyes meeting his.
“i didn’t say you couldn’t.”
“then let me do this!”
he took an exasperated breath. “y’don’t need my permission.”
you sighed, your fingers intertwining anxiously. of course you didn’t need his permission, but you still wanted it. you didn’t want him mad at you.
simon could see the apprehension on your features. “keep your comms on the entire time,” he demanded. you nodded. “n’ the second things go wrong—or look like they might go wrong—you tell me, then get the hell outta there.”
“course.” you gave him a weak smile and he took a step into you. his hand found the back of your head and he pulled you close as he hunched over. you squealed. your lips parted and your hands instinctively grabbed his jacket. there were so many thoughts raging behind simon’s eyes, but he didn’t say a word. he contemplated a few, but he remained silent, his eyes dancing between yours, before closing the space between your two bodies and crashing his lips to yours.
the kiss was fast and full of irritation and indolence. he didn’t just feel the pull towards you because you frustrated him, but the sight of you resting on graves’ shoulders wouldn’t leave his thoughts. he knew it was immature, but that didn’t stop the nagging nature of it. he fisted your hair, roughly moving his mouth against yours, his free hand grabbing your hip. 
and as quickly as it started, it ended. you gasped when he pulled away. his hands remained on you for another moment before he turned around and slid his mask back on, leaving you alone in the small confines of the room.
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“shadows on station” you heard graves ring in your ear. 
“copy. all set here.” ghost’s voice was a whisper as he spoke. you could tell from how he grunted his words that he was lying prone, looking down the barrel of his sniper. 
“seein’ room to set down on the roof.”
“check. eyes on two, armed at the front door.”
“iaso, how you doin’?” graves asked you.
“i’m already inside,” you said in a hushed tone as you scaled the inside wall. 
“goddamn, how’d you do that?”
“violently,” alejandro whispered.
“you went with her?” graves asked.
“she needed backup.”
alejandro motioned for you to slide down the adjacent hallway, his intention to split up. 
“visual on soap,” ghost muttered in the comms.
it was starting, and you had to figure out where sin nombre was while soap tried to convince his captors he had valuable intel. no big deal.
“they see him?”
“they do now.”
“kids’ got sand.”
“i hope he makes it…”
“he will,” you finished. 
you turned and watched as alejandro disappeared. he had slipped on one of the cartel’s masks, disguising himself as one of them. while he worked with soap, you were to find a way to el sin nombre. 
the house was huge, so many rooms and hallways, and all of them filled with opulent decor and finery. you slid down one of the multitude of hallways and found an empty room lined with wine bottles. you sighed, your heart racing in your chest.
you were about to slip out of the room when you heard voices in spanish.
“shit,” you mumbled to yourself.
“y’okay?” simon immediately chimed in your ear. 
“fine.” you tucked yourself into the corner as two men appeared in the shadows outside the doorway. “trapped in the wine cellar,” you whispered to simon.
he went to respond but went silent when he could hear the voices coming through your side of the comms. 
muffled spanish soon turned into a single english voice as one of the men entered the room. “what’re you doin’ here?” he asked, his voice sending chills down your spine. 
shit, you’ve been in the house all of ten minutes and you were already running into trouble. 
“i was sent to get another bottle,” you said, gesturing to the plethora of alcohol behind the two of you.
“by who?” he asked suspiciously, taking a step closer. you watched his hand grip the gun strapped to his side.
“el sin nombre.” you were taking a risk saying his name. what if he wasn’t even here in the building? you’d surely be outed.
his eyes traced your body and you forced yourself to relax—to act like you were meant to be here. 
“sent me to fetch the wine,” you started, imitating him and stepping closer. you tried to keep your voice low and steady. 
the man quirked a brow, clearly enjoying the way you stalked closer to him. “that so?”
he looked like he was convinced you were a prostitute and you weren’t sure if you were flattered or offended. 
you fluttered your eyelashes and reached out, placing your hand on his chest. you weren’t dressed in a suit like alejandro. you sported tight black pants and a cropped black shirt that showed just enough to be useful in a situation like this without being inconvenient if you had to run.
“i’m a show of appreciation.” your hand glided down his chest and his lips tilted upwards. 
“oh yeah?” his hand found your hip and he pulled you into him making you gasp. 
“iaso,” simon hissed in your ear. 
“n’ how do you plan on showin’ me that?” he asked a bit incredulously.
you steadied your breathing and reached a hand up to brush the side of this man's face. “well…” you paused.
“diego,” he informed you.
“well, diego. i’ll show you however you want me to.” your fingers skimmed his jaw, sliding your hand into the back of his head and into his hair. your voice was surprisingly steady for the way your heart was pounding in your chest.
he pushed you up against one of the wine racks, shaking the platform. “maybe on your knees?” he purred. 
you gulped. you needed to get out of this.
“the bottles. use a fuckin’ wine bottle,” simon growled into your ear, clearly distressed. 
you smiled sweetly at diego, your hands falling down his chest and to his belt. he grinned, watching your motions. one of your hands slid behind your back and gripped a bottleneck tightly in your fingers. 
your other hand worked his belt as a distraction, successfully getting him to drop his guards and take in the sight of you before him. before you could fully unloop his belt buckle, you swung the wine bottle from behind your back and crashed it as hard as you could against the side of his head.
it shattered and the red liquid went everywhere, including all over your clothes. 
diego’s eyes looked stunned for the brief moment they were locked on you before he fell to his knees and flopped to his side. he was knocked out.
“fuck. i can’t believe i did that,” you said in disbelief. a man almost twice your size lay unconscious on the floor before you, and it was all your doing. a little swell of pride swam through you before you steadied yourself and remembered you were here to do a job.
“he’s down,” you told simon. 
simon cursed to himself in relief. “bloody hell,” he mumbled exasperated. 
before you could reply, soap’s voice echoed in your ear. “el sinombre is in the penthouse. third floor.”
“elevator is a straight shot. we just need diego’s keycard.”
you crouched down and searched the unconscious man at your feet, digging through his suit pockets and seeing if he had anything of importance on him. 
“where’s diego?” ghost asked. 
“the offrenda. second floor.”
hearing alejandro’s words made something click inside you. you recalled the men approaching the wine room, muttering something about an ofrenda. when you pulled out a plastic card from the man’s pockets, you examined it and realized it was a keycard. it was diego’s keycard. 
“i got it,” you said quietly into the comms, still a little shocked. 
“got what?” soap asked.
“i have diego’s keycard.”
“no shit, iaso. how’d ya get that?”
“violently,” you muttered. you heard alejandro chuckle in response. 
“you on the second floor then, hermana?”
“yeah.”
“meet us at the north side stairs. Las escaleras estaban vacías antes. no guards. you think you can find it?”
you nodded then realized they couldn't see you. “yes.”
you slid out of the room, walking as quietly as you could, trying to orientate yourself enough to find the north stairs. you turned down the luxurious halls and gawked at the ostentatious decor. with your eyes preoccupied you didn’t see the man come around the hallway corner. 
“hey! what are you doing down here?”
you tried to keep your face from balking. “i… el sin nombre hired me.”
the man quirked a brow and approached you. your chest tightened in nerves. “relax,” you heard simon in your ear. 
you felt like shit. you were distracting simon. he was supposed to be keeping an eye on soap, not listening in to what you were doing. you could practically see him now as he scanned the roof through his rifle, but his ears were focused on you. maybe it was a bad idea to have volunteered to act as eyes on the inside. 
“then why are you down here?” the man asked again. as he got closer, you fully took in his size. he was quite a bit taller than you and you spotted a gun strapped to his hip. 
you decided to stick with your other story. “i was just getting more wine.”
he scoffed. “you’re goin’ the wrong way then.”
you bit your lip. “oh, right. thanks.” you turned to leave and he reached out and grabbed your bicep. 
“why don’t you come with me, cariño.”
you gulped. “remember your training,” simon spoke to you. you could clearly hear the tension in his words. 
before you had a chance to properly panic, the man’s arms were being pulled off of you and you heard him choking. he fell to the floor behind you and in his place stood alejandro. 
“you okay, hermana?”
“yeah…” you said exasperated. “thanks.”
“de nada. you got the keycard?”
you pulled it from your pocket and handed it to him. 
you followed him to the stairs and met up with soap. the three of you made it to the penthouse door. soap nodded at you before crouching at the door and tilting his head to ease drop. 
after several moments of alejandro and soap whispering back and forth, it was finally time.
“graves, sin nombre is posing as a female sicaria. we’re moving in. you set?”
“check.”
“ghost?”
“ready.”
“take her alive.”
alejadro kicked down the door, his gun at the ready, and both him and soap began shooting. you braced yourself against the wall, hiding from their line of sight. gunfire made you wince, hoping the two men were okay. 
“don’t let her escape!” you heard alejandro call. 
you darted into the room and out onto the balcony where you heard their voices. several dead bodies lay in your wake as you entered the warm breeze of outside air. you spotted soap as he fumbled with a woman. he had her in cuffs, saying something to her with a scowl on his face. 
as you got closer, the helicopter blowing your hair back, graves called for you all to board. “lets go.”
you came up to stand beside soap and alejandro. then felt hands on your waist from behind. you jumped and turned to find simon looking down at you. “where did you come from?”
soap and alejandro said something to one another, you had ocmpletely tuned them out, their voices carried by the whooshing of the helicopter blades. 
“soon as I heard word you were in the penthouse, i made my way here.”
with simon in front of you, your heart finally settled. you were able to breathe again. and while previous times you wondered if you were cut out for this sort of thing, this time, you knew you were. you felt good. nervous and overwhelmed, but good.
“worried about me, were you?” you teased.
simon’s eyes narrowed in on you and your smirk instantly fell. he was worried about you . 
and selfishly, he hated that he wasn’t there. you held your own back in the larder, but he hated how helpless he felt. and when that other bastard had his arms on you, it was alejandro who took him out. and while he was just grateful he got to you in time, it bothered him that it wasn’t simon ripping that man’s hands from your body. 
his eyes flared as he assessed you. you traced his line of vision to the red that covered your exposed skin. “just wine.”
his body settled but he still seemed more tense than usual. he gestured his head towards the copter and waited for you to turn and go first. you studied him a moment longer before boarding. 
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it was late when the men got back from interrogating valeria. you were still in the safehouse, cleaning up. 
simon was silent as he slid into the small room you were occupying—the same one from earlier—and you jumped when you finally realized he was lingering in the doorway. 
“jesus. when did you get there?”
he reached up a hand and tore his mask away. “y’okay?” he asked you. 
you gave him a weak smile and nodded. simon appraised you and you watched as he narrowed in on your neck before striding over to you. he gripped the back of your head and tilted it so he could see your exposed skin. you had red marks on your neck from earlier when the man had stopped you. it didn’t hurt but you knew that wouldn’t matter to him.
simon’s gaze left your neck and switched to your eyes. “i’m okay,” you told him. 
before he could say more, soap called down the hall to the two of you. “goin’ out for drinks! lets fuckin’ go!”
he didn’t give either of you much of a choice. there was still so much you all had to get done, but after a day like today, a drink couldn’t hurt. 
simon dropped his hand and followed behind you as you left the room. he must have slid his mask on in that time because when he strolled into the room, his hand in his jacket pockets, his face was covered again. 
“goin’ like that, lt.?” soap teased. 
“s’wrong with this?” he asked incredulously, though you suspected he knew his outfit was a bit… intimidating. 
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when you all finally got to the bar—after simon stripped his vest and other unnecessary gear, as well as forfeiting his hard-shell mask for his simple balaclava—the atmosphere was more welcoming than you thought it would be. 
spanish music played on the speakers and the warm air rushed in through the open windows, hugging your body in a pleasant embrace. 
alejandro went to the bar and ordered a round of drinks for everyone. 
it didn’t take long for you to feel tipsy, laughing animatedly at something graves said while you clutched a beer. the lot of you seemed to be having fun for once. the laughter felt so natural on soap, it made your heart grow slightly. you were just happy everyone was okay and you made it out of there alive today. 
ghost stood across on the other side of the table, his eyes tracing you the entire night. he watched as johnny swung an arm around you and mumbled drunken nonsense in your ear. he watched as you laughed loudly in response. he watched as graves joined in and sent a crude remark your way that made your cheeks flush ever so slightly—and simon knew it wasn’t from the alcohol. he watched as the men seemed to soak up your presence. you fit right in. he should be glad. 
fucking hell, he hated this. this is why he couldn’t do relationships. he was no good at them. he didn’t know how to navigate them. he knew he had no right to be jealous just because you were having fun. but he’d be lying if he said watching you with other men didn’t send an angry pang through his chest. 
his eyes narrowed, his jaw tensing under his mask, as he watched graves rest a hand on your shoulder. there was nothing simon could do; the two of you were not publicly a couple. he had to sit in irate silence as you seemed oblivious to graves’ advances. ever since his comments back in the humvee, he knew graves had his eyes on you. and he didn’t like it. he almost considered telling him to back off, but he would have been out of line. 
in this moment, three beers in, he was starting to put caution to the wind. some carnal and primal force inside him was escaping and telling him to claim you. to mark you as his in front of everyone. 
his hands twitched on the glass beer bottle. soap slapped simon on the back and said something to him but he didn’t hear it at all—it was white noise to him. 
graves’ fingers slid under your chin and tilted your head to look up at him. your eyes widened in shock, a bit unsure of what to do. and that was simon’s final straw. he left his beer on the table, sick of having to lift his mask to drink it anyway, and took several long strides to you. you jumped when you felt his hand on your lower back. 
graves looked up at simon and seemed irritated that he was ruining this moment for him. simon couldn’t believe it, graves was pissed at him for being a cockblock. and that pissed him off even further. he pried graves’ hand away from you, uncaring of what he might think. he had to control himself to not crush it in his palm.
he’d blame it on the booze, but simon was a big guy, in reality, three beers were barely giving him a buzz. 
“the hell?” graves cursed.
you mouthed simon’s name and he grabbed your hand, pulling you through the crowd and outside of the bar. you stumbled after him, trying to catch up as he had you in tow. 
“stop!” you finally called, stumbling over the cobblestone street. 
he halted and turned to face you, dropping your hand. you caught your breath before speaking. “what’s gotten into—”
before you could even finish your sentence, simon had pushed you into a small alleyway beside the bar, his body pinning you to the brick wall. his mask was hiked up and his lips were on yours before you had time to think. you gasped but your body quickly reciprocated. his hands held your hips tightly before one slid up your side and onto the back of your neck. he pushed against you and your head got a bit dizzy. he was desperate in the way he was pawing at you.
“you’re mine,” he muttered between kisses. 
heat coursed through you at his words, his voice low and gravely as he spoke. you could feel the anger radiating off of him. he was jealous . 
you wanted to tell him he had nothing to be jealous of, you didn’t even like graves, let alone in a romantic way. but when he pulled away, you didn’t have time to speak when he interlaced your fingers and dragged you all the way back to the safehouse—which was conveniently only a few blocks from the las almas bar. 
simon pulled you into the small safehouse and slammed you up against the door the second it closed, his lips attacking yours, his mask dropping to the floor. he kissed down your jaw and onto your neck. you struggled to hold on to him, your words getting caught in your throat. 
“si-simon, what are—” you groaned when he nipped at your skin. all rationale abandoned you. the fire from simon’s hands along your curves made you forget why you were trying to stop him. why would you want this to end?
if anything, you wanted more. 
his hands crept down your back and over the curve of your ass, dragging you against him. he stumbled with you, his lips never leaving your body, barely able to drag you into one of the small rooms before stripping you. he tugged at the hem of your shirt, wanting to pry it from your chest. 
you stood back slightly so he had enough room to strip you of it. “what—what if someone comes back?” you said breathlessly. 
his hand maneuvered into your hair, backing you up against the small cot in the room. you fell back and he crawled on top of you, parting your legs to give him space. “doesn’t matter,” he grumbled. 
he hooked the waistband of your pants and began to yank them down. he was impatient. desperate. 
he removed his sweatshirt before blindly tangling his fingers with his belt, trying to shove his pants down. your eyes rounded in the dark, taking in the sight of him. he was raw; showing you just how much he could feel. he needed you. wanted you. wanted you all to himself. 
he was back between your legs his fingers sliding into your underwear, feeling just how wet you had already become. he gave you a sly grin. “what if they hear?” you asked in a last attempt at your sanity. 
simon clicked his tongue. “let ‘em.”
you swallowed hard when he slid a finger inside you. let them listen?! you’d never be able to face them again out of sheer embarrassment. and what happened to him agreeing to keep this thing between you two private for the time being?
his eyes darkened, running a hand up your side and groping your breast over your bra. “want ‘em to know you’re mine.”
you sucked in a breath of air, your heart thumping loudly in your chest. he pulled your bra down enough to expose your breast and gave it another squeeze before removing both his hands from you. you pouted at the loss. he gripped your thighs and hiked them up slightly so he could wedge himself more properly between your legs. he pushed your underwear to the side and lined his cock up with your entrance. 
you were a bit taken aback at how fast he was doing everything. this was only going to be the second time you had sex with him. your hands held his biceps as he nudged his way into you, wasting no time. he groaned and you held your breath. “fuck,” he mouthed, both of you looking down to where your bodies connected.
he guided himself in painfully slow, the feeling so overwhelming you couldn’t help but whimper. 
your noises seemed to spur him on more because he jolted his hips a bit. he pulled back and then edged in. he kept doing that until he was able to fill you to the hilt. then he began a steady rhythm. “god, you’re so fuckin’ tight, love.”
your hands fought between running through his short hair and scratching along his back. he picked up speed and your eyes fluttered shut. “oh my god,” you said softly. 
simon shifted your legs so your knees were being pushed back towards the bed, your thighs up against him. you squealed at the position change. he was able to hit you far deeper like this. his fingers snaked to your chin and shook you ever so gently. “look at me,” he demanded. his hand slid to rest around your neck, his thumb stroking your jaw.
your eyes opened and were met with his, his nose almost touching yours. "you're mine. all fuckin' mine," he managed to get out through strained breaths. “you’re fuckin' my girl, ” he grunted, "you're my fuckin' girl." your lips parted and he met your hips with his own in a hard thrust. “my fuckin’ girl,” he said a bit more aggressively and feral. you nodded, unable to form coherent words. his eyes narrowed in on you. “you’re— thrust —my— thrust —fuckin’— thrust —girl.”
you couldn’t tell if he was repeating it because he wanted you to acknowledge it, to tell him you were in fact his. or because he was trying to convince himself.
“yes,” you mewled. “m’yours.”
“my fuckin’ girl,” he growled as he continued his hard thrusts. he didn’t like the men talking to you like you were single. available. like he wasn’t sitting right there. you were his whether they knew it or not. and a sick part of him hoped the men came back—at least graves—and were forced to hear the way you cried for him. he wanted them to know how good he was fucking you. he wanted them to know you were his. and his alone. 
he pulled out of you and flipped you onto your stomach before you had time to protest. he pulled your hips up so your back arched and he slid back into you. your hands fisted the sheets of the simple bed, hoping you two wouldn’t break it. that would be difficult to explain to the others. though, you had a feeling simon would actually like that to happen. 
his fingers dug into the fat along your waist and hips and you groaned every time he pulled you back into him. 
you were embarrassed at how close you already were. you shouldn’t be so turned on from simon being so possessive. shouldn’t that be a red flag? but you didn’t care. all you knew was the way he was fucking you right now felt better than any other man had ever felt against you. and the way his deep voice uttered those words “my girl ,” had you swooning. you could listen to him call you that all day. you wanted him to claim you. you wanted him to know you were his. 
he felt you clench around him and he moaned. “close, princess?” he asked you, his accent heavier than usual. 
you nodded against the mattress and he chuckled. but his laugh quickly turned to a long groan and a few curses as you tightened against him. you were so fucking tight. and he was so fucking close. 
“my girl wanna come?” he all but growled.
“y-yes!”
the sight of you was everything to him. seeing you pushed into the bed before him, your knuckles whitening from how tightly you were gripping the bedsheets, your back arched, your body safe. you were safe. he couldn’t protect you today, but you. were. safe . 
so many feelings had brewed in his chest these past few days. this new and strong connection he felt with you. jealousy from even the smallest glance another man gave you. fear for your safety as you acted recklessly. anger that he wasn’t always the one there saving you. 
you were going to be the absolute death of him.
“this cunt is all fuckin' mine. you hear me, pet? all. mine.”
you cried his name and that was enough to send him tipping over the edge. “shit,” he cursed. 
you spasmed around him, your legs shaking, your hips pushing back to meet each of his thrusts. 
simon released inside you, following your orgasm closely. “take it. take it all,” he said through strained lips. he continued to pump himself into you, his thrusts becoming more languid. 
he finally slowed, both of you catching your breath and steadying your heart. he stilled inside you for a few brief moments, white liquid escaping around his cock, as he took in the sight before pulling out and collapsing on top of you, yanking you into his arms. 
you rolled over so you could face him and his hand locked behind your lower back. he kept your gaze and you drew a hand up to softly trace the side of his scarred face. his eyes fluttered from your delicate touch. he forgot how gentle touch could be. not everything had to be rough and violent, as much as he enjoyed that. feeling your tiny fingers ghosting his skin felt better than any relief he got from killing men. far more.
“you don’t have to be jealous, you know.”
“m’not jealous,” he said, tucking your head under his chin so you couldn’t see his face. 
“right,” you mumbled. 
you laid with him wrapped around you for several minutes before you broke the silence. “we should get up before they come back.”
“mmm. why?” his words rumbled in his chest, his voice hoarse, clearly exhausted. 
“you know why,” you said in faux annoyance. 
“they’ll all be sloshed. gonna stumble in ‘n’ collapse wherever they can. no one will b’lookin’ for us.”
you were plastered to his side. if you tried to move at all, you’d fall off the cot that was clearly made for one person. 
sensing you might protest, simon began stroking your hair, his other hand rubbing circles on your bare back. you sighed, feeling safe and loved. you didn’t want to get up as he touched you so gently and lovingly. so you snuggled up closer to him and his grip tightened. 
“mine,” he muttered quietly before kissing the top of your head.
OKAY THE WHOLE "MY GIRL" SCENE CAME FROM A NSFW BADJHUR AUDIO LMAOOO. he says "my girl" in such a feral and simon-esque way that it literally sparked the whole idea for this chapter. this is it if you wanna hear it... it's very nsfw just fyi (24:05 is the timestamp where he says it 😇)
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topazadine · 2 months
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Okay, okay, here's perhaps my spiciest and most controversial take yet.
Now, before I even say anything, please note that I am talking specifically about fantasy. Not retellings of myths, not historical fiction set in different countries, nothing like that. This is for second-world fantasy, where you're creating a whole different world.
Ready?
Stop making everything so damn complicated!
This is not to say that you can't have a rich and exciting world filled with lore, religion, different societies, traditions, unique geographies. Not that. Of course we want that: it's the whole reason we read fantasy. I'm talking about something else.
This is my simple takedown, and you can read the rest to better understand what I mean:
Stop jamming your story with five billion weird words.
Don't use super complicated nouns.
Keep the characters to a minimum so we can know and like them.
Don't yammer on about all the backstory.
Stop making readers do homework just to understand things.
Focus on the feeling a story gives instead of the intricate worldbuilding.
And lastly, a pre-emptive note to those who are putting their hackles up and telling me why they are an exception.
Why is it important to keep things simple?
A lot of people shy away from fantasy because they assume that every fantasy story is going to be so complicated that their head will hurt. Not in terms of plot - many people like complicated plots - but in terms of terminology and history. Things that ultimately don't really matter to the plot.
We as writers often assume that everyone cares about our story as much as we do and is equally captivated by every detail. This is simply not true.
To your reader, your story is not their life's work: it is entertainment that they want to be able to enjoy at their leisure. It's a distraction from their difficult lives and all their real-world frustrations. If they get really into it and, say, write fanfic or whatever, that's amazing! But they're not likely to do that if they feel like they'll be jumped on for doing something wrong or that they have to include every single little detail.
For example, I wrote over 1 million words of Touken Ranbu fanfic. Touken Ranbu, at its heart, has a very simple premise: you've got a bunch of legendary swords that were turned into hot men and fight evil time-traveling monsters. You can understand it with just that. There are layers to it, though, that you can slowly untangle. That makes for good writing because it works on multiple levels depending on how much you care about it.
I would have given up on the story if I felt like I needed a dictionary just to understand the plot. Most people would. Language needs to be accessible and premises need to be clear, or no one is going to want to go deeper.
Subtle little details that people can pick up are way more enjoyable than tossing every single factoid at people so that they feel overwhelmed and can't think. It's wonderful to have rich layers of symbolism, mythology, etc. That's excellent. But you can only get people to care about those things if they can actually comprehend your damn story.
A lot of the things that turn people off from fantasy are all about a writer's ego, and it oozes through the work. People can tell that you're wanting them to pat you on the back for putting so much shit in your story. It's annoying and a total turn-off when you make readers work so hard to comprehend what you're saying.
So what exactly am I talking about? This.
Using made-up terms for everything that could easily be explained with a normal English word
When I am writing fantasy, I imagine myself as a translator. After all, my made-up societies have their own made-up language (Seinish) that is referenced a few times.
However, I'm not using Seinish words all the time. I'm writing in English. I didn't write out a Seinish dictionary or even come up with most of the terms because, honestly? Most readers don't care. They want to understand what's going on in as simple of terms as possible, with only a few specific terms that remind us that we're somewhere different.
I may use some specialized terminology, but it's always couched in context clues that make us aware of what it is without actually having to just say "sdlkjfslkdjf, also known as a marketplace."
For example, in The Eirenic Verses, the High Poet Society has religious centers called meronyms. (Which actually isn't a made-up word.) We know they're religious centers because we see all the religious leaders living there. Someone sees the term "meronym" and goes "oh yeah, that's the religious place" and moves on.
It's one of the only confusing, specialized terms in the book other than place names, which people expect whenever they're reading fantasy. Because of that, it stands out and is easy to remember. It's not one of 1029310283012830132 different terms someone has to remember in order to follow along.
Even Tolkien, famed for literally writing an entire extra book full of lore for his stories, doesn't really use that much specialized terminology except for place names. My favorite author, China Mieville, only uses specialized terminology for things that have absolutely no basis in our reality and that can't be explained otherwise. And he's an extremely eloquent guy who uses the weirdest words possible whenever he can. If he can write a book that's mostly comprehensible without a cheat sheet, you can too.
If there is an English term for what you are trying to explain, just use that, for the love of god. The point of writing a story is not to show how smart and special you are: it is to tell a story. You need to remove as many barriers to access as possible.
Things that get a pass and can be made up most, if not all, of the time:
Place names (as in specific places, not categories of things)
Peoples' names
Languages
Species that don't exist in our world
Modes of transportation that don't exist in our world
Magic that can't be explained in any other way
Technology that can't be defined by our language
Look, if you have an animal that is basically a dragon, just call it a dragon. If you've got a wheeled carriage, call it a carriage. Call earth magic something based in earth terms, like "terravitae" or something, idk. There should be some connection to our world in your terminology because you are writing this in English for an English-speaking audience.
It doesn't make you a lazy writer, it makes you one that wants people to understand what you're talking about. Again, imagining yourself as a translator is a good way to keep yourself from going ham on the nouns.
Proper nouns that are way too complicated
Let's look at some well-known proper nouns from fantasy.
Middle Earth
Narnia
Earthsea
Discworld
Westeros
Ankh-Morpork
Bas-Lag
Wonderland
They're all ... simple. They're not a million syllables with weird intonations and accents and all that. If you showed this to a medieval peasant, they'd probably be able to pronounce them and would likely understand that they were place names.
Unless there's a good reason to have a weird name, don't use one. Come up with something simpler.
All of these I mentioned are three syllables or less, making them easier to remember. In fact, I'd argue that nearly every proper noun in your book should be no more than three syllables. Maybe one or two four-syllable ones.
Any very weird name should be balanced out by several easier ones so that it stands out.
40 million characters
Younger writers often want their world to feel very lived in, so they introduce dozens of characters with their own names, descriptions, backstories, etc etc etc. The problem is that this is a huge mental load on your reader, especially if a lot of the characters have very similar names. It makes reading your stuff into a chore rather than an enjoyable experience.
Now, some literary greats do have a lot of characters. But they get away with it because they're great.
I'm not great, so I don't do that.
I'd also suggest that you don't do that, regardless of how good you think you are.
To see if you have too many chracters, write out a dramatis personnae and rank it in terms of importance. Does your top tier have like 15 characters? Cut some. Figure out where they are in the story and if they don't exist for more than a few pages, delete them. Absorb them into someone else.
If a character is only in one scene, don't bother naming them. They don't matter enough. This reduces the cognitive load for your reader because they can see that character for what they are: a background person who exists only briefly.
Any time you name a character, they need to have deep plot relevance. The more unusual your character's name, the more important they should be. And they should have some sort of relationship to another character, preferably the main character. Otherwise, why are they there? Why do we care? Go away!
Way too much backstory
I am an adult and my brain is filled with 50 million other things. I have to remember stuff for my job, I have a to-do list, I have family I care about who needs me.
Your story is not the end-all be-all of my existence. Hell, my story is not the end-all be-all of my existence either. I want to be able to pick up your book, understand what's going on, and then delve a bit deeper or even make up my own headcanons.
I do not need the entirety of your story's world thrown at me right off the bat. It is overwhelming and tiring. Imagine if you visited a different country and someone immediately came up to you and started spewing the whole history of the country right after you stepped off the plane. That's what you're doing to your readers!
Think also about how you approach your everyday world. Do you reel off a million facts about your personal history the instant you meet someone? No, of course not. It'd be weird and creepy.
Are you constantly recalling facts about your city while walking down the street? Do you even know any major facts about your city? You probably know a few little trivia points and that's it. Because it's not relevant to you, and it's not relevant to your readers, either. I can't recall off the top of my head when Cleveland was settled, but I can tell you that we have the world's first Dunkleosteus fossil in our museum, because that is interesting to me. That's the kind of thing that makes a place feel lived-in, not four hundred thousand pages of exposition about the place's history.
Give your readers time to settle in, and reveal things slowly as they make sense. Maybe we hear a little bit about the country's government as they pass a parliament house, or because they have to visit the city center for a different reason. If it's not pertinent to the current scene, then don't put it there.
I've got tons of lore for my world. Some of it may be referenced one singular time, and some of it may be never referenced at all. That's okay, because it's just for me to get a better sense of the place I created. If a reader doesn't need it, then I don't bother putting it in, because it might detract from their enjoyment.
Overall: stop making your readers do homework!
We do not want our readers to feel like they are working when they are reading our stuff. Excellent writers can infuse deep themes and symbology into their stories without making it feel like work. These are the writers who are remembered forever, because not only have they made a good story that you can enjoy at a surface level, but they have also twined in deeper themes that you can dive into after you've digested the story.
I did my undergrad in British literature, so I read a lot of Shakespeare and contemporaneous authors. Shakespeare is considered complicated by modern standards because of the Elizabethan language, but if you translated it into modern terms, his stories are simple. People betray each other and stab each other, or fuck each other, or get transported to weird magical worlds.
You could watch a Shakespeare play and think absolutely nothing of the themes, but still enjoy the story. You could know absolutely nothing about Greek history and still get the gist.
This is because Shakespeare specifically wrote his plays to appeal to a mass audience. He was a god-tier author when it came to balancing symbology and plot. To be like Shakespeare, be simple. Remember that your reader does. not. really. care. all that much. They don't.
It's very unlikely that your writing is going to become someone's life's work and they're going to spend their whole existence studying. Cool if true, but unlikely.
Your job is to make a story that people like and want to read. Only when you've gotten people liking and reading do you get permission to go ham with the backstory and the characterization and the weird names, because they trust you to create a story that they will like. Otherwise, your primary objective is making people feel things so they want to feel more things and read more stories.
People care more about how a story makes them feel than the specifics
Yes, of course there are outliers to this who really want every single detail of the world, but those are few and far between. You should not tailor your story to these exceptions. Think about the average everyday person.
I have many books that I love, but I can't tell you everything about them now. I can, however, tell you how I felt when I was reading them: the plot twists that made me gasp, the thing that made me cry. I can give you a general, sweeping impression of whether I liked or disliked the story and what made me feel something. This is what people recommend books based on: how they felt.
Your story should focus on the plot and the emotion. People watch movies, listen to music, read books, or look at art to feel something, not to memorize factoids for later usage. Even if they do want to memorize factoids, they won't do that if they haven't built an emotional connection to the story.
While in life, we want facts over feelings, it's opposite in creative writing. We want feelings over facts. The emotional resonance, the mood, the characters, the plot: that is what is important, not showing off how smart you are and how much you have thought about your story.
"But Topazadine, I am special and different! I'm not going to follow your advice."
Sure. Go ahead. I can't stop you. If you want to have a million characters and an entire dictionary to explain everything, that is your choice.
No one can tell you how to write; my advice is just advice.
If you don't like what I have said here, then feel free to ignore it. You don't need to justify it to me or anyone else.
However, you must recognize that this may not resonate with readers. It will turn people off.
I'm not a completionist, and neither are many others; they'll roll their eyes and click out when they are faced with ten pages of character names upfront.
Of course you should always write for yourself first, but if you are planning to write fiction for any level of commercial appeal and you intend to make any amount of money on your work, then audience does matter. If you want kudos or comments on your AU, audience matters. You won't get engagement if you are alienating people.
Your writing decisions are always your own and no one can demand you do something different. You just need to decide whether your personal satisfaction in writing your story in a certain way outweighs your desire for validation, and, perhaps, money. I can't tell you the answer for that; it's up to you.
If you enjoyed this, maybe you'll consider reading my fantasy book, 9 Years Yearning, which does not have 121238103 characters and 3230123 strange words. It does, however, have double-tsundere-mutual-pining-gay-boy-awakening. And horses. It's also just $3.
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wintersmitth · 2 months
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I once got called xenophobia for saying that a whole lot of Americans are American centric and frankly culturally imperialistic... I'm American myself, so I guess I'm xenophobic against me and not just... observing something true
Anyway, here's my point in relation to what you were saying
It seems that for many American's it's just impossible to conceive of the idea that no everywhere has American dynamics when it comes to things like race, and that what we see as white might not mean shit
Like... I don't get it, cause it only takes a couple seconds of paying any attention at all to notice things like the discrimination that places like the UK tend to have towards Eastern Europeans, that clearly skin color doesn't really matter there... and... it's also pretty damn clear that for all the talk russia does about "russian speaking Ukrainians" they don't actually give a damn about them cause they see Ukrainians as inferior
Just don't get it, don't get how lefties here can talk about cultural relativism and then not... apply it... and actually... acknowledge that not everywhere in the world has a US cultural lens, that not every dynamic everywhere is the same
Drives me nuts
Also I suppose my real point here is just trying to say that you're so right about all this privilege talk... I've been following since this invasion started, I've been actually paying attention and learning about what russia's been doing since the collapse of the soviet union
And I've also been paying attention to how Ukraine dropped off the map after like... one, maybe two months. News stopped talking about it, and the majority of Americans never were paying attention even then
We had mike johnson dip his hands elbow deep in blood as he refused to put aid up for a vote for month and months
...and then Ukrainians are privileged
"This is how they talk about a white hospital being bombed", they didn't fucking talk about... about the maternity hospital, or that concert hall with "children inside" or... dear god the universe would end before I could write everything russia's done that almost no one in the west talked about
"Imagine if russia did this!" ...they did, not just in Ukraine but in Syria, and Georgia, and Chechnya. I wasn't paying attention back then, but I'm paying attention now, and that's just what the russian military does
Fucks sake, you don't have to compare victims of genocide, you can support them both. The correct number of dead civilians is zero
It feels like I'm going crazy with how noone can understand that... or... more like they're all going crazy and I can't fucking get through to people. Or like... for me even if I didn't already dislike the GOP here, I couldn't vote for them cause of how they treat Ukraine, but meanwhile you have all these people talking about not voting out of spite and... they can't seem to see the russian propaganda oozing out of those words, like literally there's a 100% chance a lot of the "people" saying this are kremlin bots and troll farms (like 2016)
(And bonus complaint, I thought we all cared about Iranians... but... it feels like we forgot them too, and worse still it feels like some people are willing to support the Iranian government to own the US and... I... I really don't fucking know what's wrong with people)
So sorry for the weird and long ask, I just want you to know that I hear exactly what you're saying and you're so right
These people don't get that they're still doing American exceptionalism except we're the best at being bad, and that they make every fucking thing about America always forever
They can't fucking exist without projecting American race politics on to every situation. They can't hear about people being killed in another country without talking about how sad it is for them that this'll be WW3 (it won't... if you were paying attention you'd get how it won't be)
You're right to feel how you do, you're right to say "what privilege?" because there's none. They act like everyone's fawning over Ukraine and giving them special treatment, but I'm watching and I've been watching and we're only barely drip feeding any amount of support and then everyone wrings their hands about if we've upset russia and might get nuked, after all... if we sent you stingers we might get nuked... wait... that's from the start of the war, sorry I meant if you were allowed to blow up russian air bases with US weapons we'll get nuked
It's sick how Ukrainians get treated, and the people who talk about how Ukrainians are treated don't even pay a moment of attention
Slava Ukraine
Thank you for this message.
You are so absolutely right on every account there.
I suppose the most insane thing for me is people comparing genocides. You said right there: the correct number of victims is zero. And honestly I can't expect everyone to fact check everything, but the way people are misusing that damn UN report is malicious. It's meant to undermine our struggles, it plays right I to russian propaganda.
There is so much I got to say, but none if it is a coherent at the moment.
It's infuriating how people on internet go "Look at them talking about white hospital" well first of all this is by far not the first hospital Russia hit. Has been hitting. Word outside doesn't know 1/3 of what is actually happening here.
And then we get vilified for talking about our losses?! That's some privilege.
There's another message in my sitting which I got a few days ago and it is something along the lines "fuck you for telling people to vote for Biden he's committing genocide" and I'm just. Sitting here thinking that I don't want to be genocide either.
Anyhow. Yeah lots of Americans are so self centered it's insane. Even marginalized group, who seemingly should know a thing or two about never being listened to, brush away our words like nuisance. A few weeks ago I told some American scholar on twitter that writing USA has a war on its land is disrespectful to us living in actual warzone and got shut up with "white people always talk over black folk". The exchange had nothing to do with race. It's just systematic brutality and a threat of dying from a missile are different dangers ya kno.
Anyway, thank you for this message.
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gancegancerevo · 3 months
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Rides to Lake Silberneherze Thoughts
It was great. The second major visit to Kjerag sees us return three years after the previous event to see how the nation has built itself up after the Saintess reforms the political system of Kjerag and accepts the Silverash clan’s plans to open the country to outsiders.
Degenbrecher is the main selling point of the event in my opinion and damn did they work hard to make her appealing. She’s not only very strong, very skilled, very pretty, and a lot less long-winded than the other politicians, she’s also got her own story. It’s quite beautiful to see someone immigrate to a new country and have it just be a story of finding a home you can settle with. She’s the kind of character who’s physically strong enough to survive hardship. And in a sense, she is emotionally strong as she does not hold any grudges against her old nations. Probably in part because she’s beaten up the ones she needs to and let go of what she doesn’t need. She’s very much her own person and she herself has decided she wants to stay in Kjerag as one of its people. Makes you think about all the immigrants who makes their homes in new countries and how that experience is unique to them.
Leto was adorable in this event. The way she takes everybody she passes by and makes them her friends is hilarious and wonderful. It’s also great that they made her a competent field operator. She was able to sense and threaten a Trillby Asher all by herself even if that went awry. She also knew when to call up her superiors when she needed help.
One of the best parts about her arc here is how they turn the classic father-daughter reunion on its head. Because for one, Tatyova, her mother, is alive and well. And seems to be perfectly capable of continuing to care for Leto. Leto ultimately doesn’t care about her father, as she should. Arctosz’s decision to make his family leave for political safety makes it obvious that he knows nothing about the wider world. His privileged upbringing means he has no idea about how others would treat a single mother and what it means for a child to grow up without a father. The thing that really brings it into perspective for me is the attack on Chernobog. If you don’t know how bad it was, read the Ursus Student Group side stories. It makes every excuse Arctosz make seem extra moronic. This story takes the “looking for a long lost father” trope and makes it an ode to all the mothers who had to deal with single-parenthood themselves.
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Harold is quite interesting. He’s your classic bumbling high-spirited old man except he’s also a Victorian military officer. Like Degenbrecher, he’s someone who also adjusts well to Kjerag life finding work as a veterinarian and doing old man things. In spite of this, he remains loyal to Victoria and when told that he would need to attack the people he’s lived with for months, he ultimately sides with his country. This is an interesting contrast to bring in this story. About how some people would throw away their old countries while others would remain loyal. Though overall, he was just fun to watch. Especially when paired with Leto or others who humor him.
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By far my favorite part of visiting Kjerag is seeing the Saintess and Enya and Kjarr do not disappoint.
Before I gush about yuri though, I should say I love how Enya, and especially her relationship with  Enciodes has evolved. She’s much more active in the goings-on of the nation and is willing to use the Saintess as a state official rather than just a ceremonial position. She and Enciodes managed to separate their personal lives from their work in nation-building and it’s so interesting to see it play out. Enya inserting herself when Enciodes tries to avoid more direct interactions. The whole banquet scene with Harold. It was great especially when they both admit that the Head of the Silverash clan and the Saintess have a similar vision and plan for Kjerag’s development and both go silent when others ask about the relationship between Enya and Enciodes Silverash as siblings.
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Enya and Kjarr have to be the most wife and wife coded characters I’ve seen in Arknights so far. Like a pair well into their golden years, they have a mutual respect and trust of one another while still disagreeing on some issues. There’s also that sense of both of them playing an active role in the relationship rather than the usual one stays at home and one works sort of dynamic. I especially like when Kjarr is like “babe, are you sure I shouldn’t use my god powers?” and Enya keeps insisting that they can’t rely on god to fix things for them. And of course the eternal pestering of Kjarr for a statue adjustment. If she can’t ask Enya for it, she’ll let Degenbrecher and the Trillby Asher do it. I always love Enya and Kjarr and this has cemented my favorite Kjerag dynamic even more.
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Lastly, I really appreciate the way they included the Doctor this time. It’s not the take control of a situation you’ve only been aware of for a few hours. Instead, they made reasonable assumptions about what others are plotting and taking a few small steps to push pieces into the best place possible. Kinda like how they can’t rely on Kjeragandr, they also can’t rely on the Doctor of Rhodes but that doesn’t mean either of them can’t do one small move themselves.
P.S. What do you mean Kjerag has a battleship under Lake Silberneherze. Though it might be more shocking that Enciodes expressed approval of Sciurus before Ratatos did AND that Ratatos liked Sciurus naming the battleship Walnut to mess with her kids.
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kiarastromboli · 8 months
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Teach me 5 (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)
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Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4
Masterlist.
Warning: angst, mention of selfharm, arguing.
Summary: After a challenging party and a disagreement with her mother, Y/N finds herself alone, confronted by her darkest thoughts. She hits rock bottom, but something prevents her from taking irreversible actions.
Note: This part will address sensitive subjects such as depression and self-harm. If you're not comfortable with these topics, please do not read. I want to emphasize that my intention is not to romanticize distress or depression. If you're struggling and need help, there are people around you. My DMs are open for anyone who feels the need to talk. You are not alone. 🫶🏻
•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•
How could I be so stupid, even though my parents warned me about boys like Chris?
Liars, manipulators who can't control their desires and needs.
And I, like the naive and innocent little virgin I was, fell for it.
I fell for it, and I believed it for two years, believed it to the point of tearing my fucking heart out of my chest.
I can't believe I could be so damn foolish.
Is this what being blinded by love is like? Is this what it's supposed to mean?
Is that why they keep lecturing us teenagers that we don't know what real love is?
If he lied to me that night, then it means he lied to me every other night.
If he truly loved me as he claimed, he would never have dared to do such a thing to me.
How could he look me in the eyes and tell me all those bullshit while he was already dating another girl?
I thought he was honest and sincere; he had the same look as the first time he said 'I love you,' and now it all seemed like a fucking lie.
I knew that sleeping with him that night wasn't supposed to mean anything, and since we were supposed to remain friends, it's not the fact that he's with another girl that hurts me.
It's the fact that he lied to me, making me believe I was the only one in his heart.
I was warned about him; Julia told me to be careful, and even my father told me it was better if I went to the other end of the country to cut contact with him.
But I didn't want to believe all that because I was charmed by a few kisses and conversations that I thought were meaningful until now.
I wish it were just a lie, but that night, just before leaving Julia's party, I saw Tess and Chris kissing in the middle of the crowd, and I felt like I was going to die of heartbreak.
He was kissing her right here in front of everyone, which means he didn't even bother hiding it from me anymore.
Was it a way of getting back at me for what i did ?
Why did he make me believe he didn't hold a grudge against me? Why did he play with my fucking heart like that?
I was so ashamed that I didn't even bother explaining the situation to Julia; I went home and locked myself in my room.
Waking up this morning, I saw a ton of missed messages and calls from Julia. Shit, I didn't think to tell her I was leaving; she must have been worried...
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In addition to feeling like shit because of Chris, I naturally had to wake up with a hangover.
I'm pathetic, this whole story is ridiculous.
"You came home very late last night; I thought you'd be back today," my mother said, arms crossed, upon seeing me enter the kitchen.
Great, now I'll have to face her, and judging by the expression on her face, I suspect our conversation won't be pleasant. That's just what was missing!
"I didn't feel very well last night; I preferred to come home," I told her, opening the kitchen cupboard to take a mug.
"Did you drink?" she asked, exhaling.
"Mom, I told you it was a party for my return, and-" I barely had time to finish justifying myself; she had already resumed speaking.
"I thought you had changed, that you had improved, but I see it's worse. How do you think your father will react to this, y/n?" she said, distressed.
I sighed before she could speak again. "Seriously, y/n, do you think it's an appropriate way for a young woman like you to behave? Have you thought about what people will think of us seeing you like this?"
"Damn, don't you ever get tired of bringing everything back to you?" I snapped, and she jumped at the sound of my raised voice.
"My whole fucking life, I played the role you wanted me to play, and I never complained!" I said, furious.
"You sent me to the other end of the country without even giving me a choice, forcing me to rebuild my life and leave the people I love!"
"Do you have any idea how challenging it is to be your daughter, Mom? Do you know what it's like to have this kind of education when you grow up around normal parents and teenagers?"
"Yes, I made some mistakes, and you never-" I paused, letting out a fake laugh. "Never failed to remind me!"
"But all the good things I've done, all the good grades, all the people I've helped, everything I've done to please you and help you, you've never commented on that," I said, disgusted.
"You never congratulated me; you never said you were proud of me. And no matter how much effort I put into it, I was never enough for you or Dad!"
"I hid behind this role of the perfect little girl. I hid all my pain and kept my head high, hoping that one day you would be proud. But the truth is, you'll never be because you don't love me. You love the girl I pretend to be, but you hate the girl I am!" I said before leaving the kitchen in tears to lock myself in my room again.
This day couldn't get any more horrible than it already was.
My mother tried knocking on my door, but I stayed there in my bed.
I didn't want to face her anymore; I didn't want to talk to her. It was already hard enough.
Why was my life so chaotic? Why don't I deserve happiness?
Why do things always have to get worse?
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
I didn't even know who I was and what I was supposed to be.
At that moment, I would have given anything to go back to the other end of the country, far from my parents.
But I knew that there, I would have given anything to come back to Boston, close to those I love.
I was lost and alone.
I had no one to share my pain with and no one to hug.
It turns out the only person I might have wanted to embrace was just a liar and an opportunist.
I wrapped myself in my blanket, closed the curtains, and turned off the lights.
I spent the day like that without moving a muscle.
Night came, bringing darkness with it.
Activity on the street outside my house diminished, giving way to silence.
My mother had given up and stopped knocking on my door.
My tears flowed and rested on my face until they turned cold.
I didn't know how long I had stayed like that, but I knew it was a long time.
I kept thinking about all the things I might have done wrong in my life.
I searched for the reason why everything was going so wrong.
Was it because I wasn't grateful enough to have a roof over my head?
Was it because I had been a spoiled child?
Was it because I didn't make enough effort?
Was it because I wasn't a good enough friend? Or a good enough daughter?
Was it because I am a bad person?
Am I a bad person?
Is it legitimate for me to feel this bad?
Am I not exaggerating?
After all, there are worse things in life, right?
People are dying out there, losing their loved ones, and I'm crying because a boy lied to me?
I'm crying because I'm just an unloved child?
A child who only wants to be recognized and appreciated.
What did I do wrong, damn it?
The more my thoughts chained together, the harder it became to breathe.
I had a weight in my chest, and I could feel it deep inside me.
I had cried so much that my sinuses hurt, and my eyes were swollen.
It was hard, so hard. What was I supposed to do?
How was I going to be able to continue living with this weight on my chest?
Dark and obscure thoughts took over my mind.
Thoughts that I was ashamed of, thoughts so awful that I couldn't bring myself to recount them to you.
I wanted to do something bad; I got up and grabbed the blade from my pencil sharpener on my desk.
And before I could reach my bed again, I was interrupted by my window opening.
I turned around in shock, falling face to face with Chris. Damn it, why did he always have to do that?
The blade slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor at that moment.
"Shit," I whispered, quickly bending down to retrieve it.
"What's this?" Chris asked, eyebrows furrowed, pointing at my closed hand.
"Chris, get out of my room right now," I told him sharply.
He scrutinized my face for a moment before speaking again. "Were you crying? Y/n, what's wrong? What are you hiding in your hand?" he asked, concerned.
"It's none of your fucking business. Just leave; I don't want you here!" I said, feeling anger rise again.
"Wow, I haven't done anything. Why are you talking to me like this? Seriously, I'm getting worried. What's going on?" he asked, confused, approaching me.
On reflex, I put the hand holding the blade behind my back when he reached my level, only making him more worried.
"Chris, I'm warning you; I'll call my parents if you don't leave my room now!" I panicked before he grabbed my arm.
"What are you hiding, Y/n? Open your hand!" he said, getting angrier and trying to open my hand.
"Chris, stop – let go of me, stop!" I said, succumbing and crying when he started overpowering me.
I tried to struggle, but he had much more strength than me. It didn't take him long to open my hand and find the blade.
His expression changed; he furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at me.
"What were you doing when I came into your room?" he asked, well aware of what my answer would be.
Tears started flowing again, and this time, I was filled with shame. I couldn't even bring myself to speak, so I just stood there, looking at him with teary eyes.
"Y/n," he said in a fragile voice.
"Why?" he asked, his gaze sad.
"Chris, I want you to leave," I told him amid my sobs.
"No, not until you explain why," he said, shaking his head.
I lifted my head before taking a deep breath to try and stop my tears.
"And why don't you explain your little story with Tess then!" I told him, changing the subject.
"Wait, are you serious, y/n? Don't change the subject," he said, completely confused.
"Chris, what I was about to do is none of your business anymore, not since the moment you lied to my face, making me believe I was special to you," I said, pushing him away.
"But what are you talking about, y/n? I never lied to you," he said, shaking his head.
"Then why didn't you tell me you were with her!" I raised my voice.
"What?" he said, even more confused.
"Chris, I want you to leave; I don't want to deal with this shit right now," I said, turning my back to him.
"Y/n, I'm not fucking dating her. Where did you get that idea?" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around.
"Why do you keep lying, Chris? She came to ask me to keep my distance from you, emphasizing that you two are together!" I told him, turning around and brushing his hand off my shoulder.
"Do you really believe that nonsense?" he said, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I saw you kissing her," I said, clenching my jaw and trying to hold back my tears.
He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, taking a step back.
I sighed. "Damn it, Chris, you're such a jerk," I said, shaking my head.
"Y/n, it's not like that. It's really not what you think," he began to try and justify himself before I cut him off again.
"It's not what I think?" I said, raising my voice and eyebrows.
"Oh, so your tongue wasn't in her mouth?" I said, crossing my arms.
"Y/n, I know it can be misleading, but..." he began to try and explain before I cut him off again with a laugh.
"Misleading?! Chris, seriously?" I said, biting my lip.
"Please, let me explain, y/n," he said, grabbing my hands, but I didn't let him. I pulled back.
"I don't need you to explain, Chris; it's very fucking clear," I said, nodding my head.
"Y/n, please," he said desperately.
"Get out, Chris," I told him sharply.
He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, not moving.
"For God's sake, just get the fuck out; I want you to leave!" I screamed, pushing him.
"I'm not going to leave you alone when you were about to hurt yourself, y/n. You can be as mad at me as you want, but I won't leave this room until I know you're safe," he said, standing his ground.
"Oh, now you're worried about me?!" I said, laughing.
"You're getting yourself worked up over nothing. I haven't done anything wrong, y/n," he said, looking me in the eyes.
"You'd rather believe some girl you don't even know over me. You won't even give me a chance to explain!" he said, waving his hands.
"Because I don't want to listen to another one of your lies, Chris. I'm too tired for that!" I told him, breaking into tears.
"But I'm not lying to you, y/n. Trust me!" he said, advancing towards me.
"I can't. I can't. I'm not strong enough for that. I don't want to take the risk of sinking even lower!" I confessed.
"Is it because of me that you were going to do that?" he said, pointing to the blade that now rested on my bedside table.
I looked at him, eyes soaked and throat tightened.
"Oh god," he whispered, running his hand over his face.
"I'm so sorry, y/n, if I made you believe I wasn't sincere, but all this is just a mistake. I'm not dating Tess," he said, taking my hands.
"I slept with her for a long time, okay, I won't lie to you. I was sleeping with her before we got together, and when you left, I turned to her right away," he began to explain, and I just listened.
"I was a jerk to her. I made her believe it could work between us to keep her under my control, even though I knew we would never be together," he said, and I could hear the disgust in his voice.
"When I got myself together, I stopped everything with her and tried to apologize, but she kept resenting me. She knew what you meant to me; that's why she didn't waste a second to come and tell you those lies," he said, and I sank down, sitting on my bed.
"Y/n, I'm not proud of what I did. She didn't deserve that, and it's not an excuse, but when you left, I was in such a bad place that I hurt anyone who came near me," he said, sitting next to me.
"I haven't lied to you once," he said, placing his hand on mine.
"I'm sorry, y/n, believe me, I really am. I didn't want you to end up like this. I should have told you that night, but I was too ashamed," he said, looking into my eyes.
"And why did you kiss her then?" I asked, wiping my tears.
"Because she threw herself at me; I was completely wasted. By the time I understood what was happening and detached her from my lips, there might have been enough time for you to see us. She probably waited until you were around to do it," he told me.
I looked at him without answering; I was hesitant. I didn't know if I should trust him or not.
"Y/n, I know it sounds far-fetched, but I swear it's true. You can ask anyone; I never dated her," he said, trying to be as convincing and reassuring as possible.
"Chris," I said, lowering my head, "I don't know if I'm supposed to believe you. I don't know if I should trust you or not."
"It's the truth, y/n, I swear. You can ask anyone. I would never do anything to hurt you," he said, squeezing my hand.
"I need time; I don't know what to think. I don't know if I should believe you or not,"
"I'll give you all the time you need," he said, nodding.
"You should rest; it's late, and you really look tired," he said, getting up.
"I'll take this with me," he said, picking up the blade from my bedside table before heading to my window.
"Chris!" I said before he left my room, and he turned around.
"Yes?" he replied.
"I don't want to be alone," I said, letting a tear fall, "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep, please?"
He took a deep breath, "Y-yeah, of course," he said, moving closer to me.
He grabbed the chair from my desk and placed it next to my bed before sitting down.
I slipped under the sheets of my bed, whispering to him, "Thank you, Chris."
"Don't thank me; it's the least I can do for you," he said with a weak smile.
Silence filled the room for a few seconds before I spoke again.
"It wasn't just because of you, you know?" I said in a weak voice.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, leaning towards me.
"I had a fight with my mom," I told him, and he nodded, signaling me to continue.
"And for the first time, I told her what I really had on my mind," I continued, sitting up against my headboard.
"I said things to her that I had never had the courage to say before, and when I went back to my room, everything hit me," I said, unable to control my voice, which occasionally broke.
"I found myself alone with my thoughts, and I started to wonder why all this was happening to me," I continued, waving my hands.
"I got lost in my own head; grief took over, and I felt this horrible weight on my chest," I said, letting a tear fall and placing my hand on my chest.
"It hurt, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. My thoughts were screaming awful things at me, and I struggled to breathe; I felt suffocated," I said, shaking my head, and more tears began to stream down my cheeks.
"And for a brief moment, I thought that by inflicting physical pain on myself, it would get rid of all these bad thoughts," I said before biting my lip.
"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to distract my mind. I didn't want to hurt myself, but it felt like the only solution," I said, trying to wipe away my tears.
"And now, looking back, I realize how stupid and awful it was. I don't know what came over me; it was like it was stronger than me," I added, hitting my mattress with my arm.
"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to feel better," I said, shaking my head, and he took me into his arms.
I was so carried away by my emotions that I didn't even notice he was also crying.
"It's over now, y/n; I'm here, okay?" he said, holding me tightly.
"I'll chase away all those bad thoughts of your head for you if you want," he continued to say.
"It's going to be okay, I promise you," he said, gently stroking my head.
"I can't figure out what the hell is wrong with me," I told him, crying against his chest.
"I played a role for so long that I don't even know who I'm supposed to be," I said, clinging to his shirt.
"You're allowed to be lost; we all go through that. You'll eventually figure out who you really are; you just need to give yourself time," he reassured me.
"I know who you are, and I assure you that the person you are doesn't deserve to inflict so much pain on themselves," he continued to say.
"I just wanted to please them," I said, crying.
"Your parents?" he asked, and I nodded.
"If your parents don't love you for who you are, then they're really assholes. You deserve better than that," he said. I left his arms, wiping my tears.
"You're an amazing person, y/n, and it breaks my heart to hear you say that because you shouldn't have to beg for your parents' love, and it's just not fair," he said, caressing my cheek.
"In their place, I'd give you all the love in the world; in their place, I'd constantly tell you how proud I am of you because that's what you deserve," he said, looking into my eyes, and I couldn't help but cry.
"Thank you, Chris," I said, lowering my head.
"I'm sorry that life throws so much crap at you. If I could take away all the pain from your heart, believe me, I would," he said.
"But right now, what you need is to rest," he added.
"And I won't leave your room until you fall asleep, I promise. I'm here; you're not alone. I'm watching over you," he said, yawning.
"You're tired too," I said, smiling slightly.
"Yes, but I can wait," he said, returning a smile.
"You can sleep with me if you want," I told him.
"I don't know; won't your parents freak out?" he said, furrowing his brow.
"Not if you leave before they wake up tomorrow," I said, shrugging.
"Please, let me do this at least for you; you need to rest as much as I do," I added.
"Okay, um, do you want us to sleep in the same bed?" he asked timidly.
"You can sleep on the floor if you want, but it wouldn't be the first time you and I share a bed," I said, scratching my neck.
"Yeah, but the other times we shared a bed, y/n, it wasn't for sleeping," he said, rolling his eyes and chuckling.
"Do you think we wouldn't be able to share a bed without getting intimate?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"No, that's not what I meant. I—," he said, embarrassed, before I cut him off.
"It's okay; I'm joking. Stop being silly; come here," I said, lifting the blanket to signal him to lie down next to me, which he eventually did.
Silence filled the room, and it was a bit awkward. Chris kept tossing and turning, so I eventually spoke up, "Are you going to stop fidgeting around anytime soon?" I chuckled.
"Sorry, it's just really warm," he said, chuckling as well.
"Well, you can take off your sweater," I replied.
"Yeah, but I'm not wearing anything underneath," he said, embarrassed.
"Oh," I responded, "um, it doesn't bother me; you can take it off if you're more comfortable that way," I said, trying to play it cool.
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, and besides, it's nothing new. I've seen you like this before," I said, feeling awkward, and he couldn't help but laugh as he took off his sweater.
"Why are you laughing ?" I asked, confused.
"Nothing; I just find this situation funny," he said, stopping his laughter.
"Oh, shut up!" I said, giving him a punch on the shoulder, and we both burst into laughter.
"I never told you, but I really love your laugh, you know?" he said without thinking, making me blush.
"Ah yeah?" I responded, embarrassed, but this time not for the same reason.
"Yeah, I find it soothing," he said, smiling.
Another silence fell. We were face to face, looking at each other without touching, as if there was a vast space between us, almost like we were afraid to make contact.
"I love your eyes," I said without really knowing where I was going with it.
"Why?" he whispered.
"When I look into them, I feel like I'm the only person on Earth," I replied, letting my heart speak.
"It's because you are the only person who truly exists in my eyes," he replied shyly.
Another silence.
"I love your lips," he said.
"I love your nose," I replied.
"I love your hips," he continued, and I could feel the tension building.
"I love your arms," I responded, quickening my breath.
"I love your hands," he replied, placing his hand on mine.
"I love your back," I said, gradually moving closer to him.
"Y/n..." he whispered, his lips just a few millimeters from mine.
"Chris," I responded, my eyes fixed on his lips.
"I love you entirely," he said in an almost inaudible voice before closing the distance between our lips.
I grabbed his collar, pulling him closer without parting our lips. Our kiss deepened, our breaths mingling, and the room's temperature became unbearable.
"Y/n, we can't," he said, separating our lips, my right hand still on his cheek.
"I know," I whispered.
He laid back next to me.
"I love you entirely too," I said, turning my head toward him, tears in my eyes.
Silence, again.
"Maybe in another universe, we got to have our story," he said, staring at the ceiling.
"I wish we were in another universe," I responded, gazing at the ceiling as well.
"Do you think in the one we are, we'll never get to have our story?" I asked him, and he turned his head to look at me.
"I don't know," he said, sighing. "All I know is that in this universe, the girl I love leaves at the end of the vacation," he added.
"I wish things were different," I said.
"I know, me too," he replied.
"Can I fall asleep in your arms?" I asked, letting a tear fall.
He didn't respond, just opened his arms for me to snuggle against his chest, which I did.
"Good night, my angel," he whispered.
"Good night, my love," I replied.
I couldn't help but shed a few tears before closing my eyes and finally managing to find sleep.
Taglist: @chrisloyalgf @christopherscamopants @blahbel668 @thematthewlover @mattsturnioloarchive @carolinalikesthings @bernardsgf @whicked-hazlatwhore @hearts4chris @mattybsbitch @sara2233445
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wh0re43van · 7 months
Text
Heart Shaped Box- (Warren Lipka X Reader)
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Description: Your childhood best friend surprises you at work with a gift on Valentine’s Day.
Word Count: 2.1k
Warnings: none, unfortunately. (Besides weed use)
A/n: I was going to make this a longer fic with smut but I just really wanted to get this posted tonight 😭
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Oldies Country tunes and static buzz from the outdated stereo as I restock the candies at the check out. I glance at the wooden analog clock above the exit; 9:00pm
“One more hour,” I sigh to myself as I trudge back to my stool behind the register. Working for my parents at their corner store is nice. It’s slow, I’ve known all of the regulars my whole life, and if I completely flunk out of college; at least I know I have a job. But something about sitting here alone on Valentine’s Day with the smell of stale (possibly mildewed) air and my Ma’s collection of taxidermy squirrels dressed up to look like the seven dwarves doesn’t seem fitting for a 19 year old girl. Especially since my parents went to Dollyworld for valentines day, leaving me completely alone. (Dollyworld is like Disneyland for people in Kentucky)
The rusted bells hanging above the door chime as cool air floods into the small store. I don’t bother looking up until the footsteps stop in front of me. My mood immediately lifts when I see a familiar face
“Hey, man! No date tonight?” I ask my best friend while he slips his lighter into his flannel pocket. I can smell the lingering smoke of a cigarette on his fingers as he reaches for a pack of gum on the display near my head. He flashes his dimples as he leans down onto the counter.
“Eh, it’s a stupid capitalistic holiday,” he shrugs as I reach down to grab him a pack of Newport 100s.
“Mmm okay Casanova,” I laugh as I take his cash. “So did you pick up from that new guy?” I ask excitedly when I remember that he was supposed to have picked up bud from out west.
“Mhm,” Warren smiles as he pops a piece of gum into his mouth. “That’s why I’m here, nerd. Let’s go spark,” he says as he turns on his heels.
“Warren, I can’t. I still have almost an hour until I can close,” I frown at the boy who’s slowly stepping towards the door.
“Oh, come on. Your folks are out of town, they’ll never know,” he smirks as he rests a hand on the door handle. I bite my lip, looking around the store, then back at Warren.
‘He’s right. I mean it is a holiday, after all, Most places close early on holidays,’ I look at Warren and do my best to fight back a smile. He looks at me with a shit eating grin, knowing I can’t say no to him.
“Give me 5 minutes to lock up,” I giggle as I pull the cash drawer out.
I closed the store faster (and worse) than I ever have. Within 5 minutes I’m hopping into the passenger seat of Warrens car. The familiar scent of stale smoke hits me in the face as I settle into my seat.
I shake the few snow flakes that found their way into my hair out as I turn all the heat vents towards me.
“Someone oughta’ shoot that groundhog for lying to us,” I joke as I rub my hands together hoping to get some warmth from the friction.
“Here, this will warm you up,” Warren laughs, fighting back a cough as he hands me the joint. His voice comes out raspy as the smoke rolls out of his mouth. I take the paper from his hand that’s cast in a yellow haze from the dim light shining from the side of the store.
As I take a hit from the joint I lean back in the seat before exhaling. The smoke tastes piney and almost a bit floral as it fills my lungs. After coughing so hard that I drool a litttle, my muscles relax almost instantly as the buzz fills my body.
“Damn, this really is good shit,” I laugh with my scratchy voice as I accept the drink warren has offered to me.
“Oh good. I’m glad you like it,” he smiles before twisting around his seat, reaching into the back. As he scrummages around his car, I take another hit.
“Dude, what are you-“I begin to question the boy but he cuts me off.
“Here it is!” He exclaims, before sitting back properly in his seat with a red heart shaped box in one hand and a mixed CD in the other. I quirk an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. “Uh, happy Valentine’s Day, er, whatever,” he says with a small laugh, handing me the box. “I know I said that it’s stupid but, uh, ya know you’re a good friend or some shit,” he mutters with lidded eyes as he sets the red box in my lap. I can’t help but giggle at his awkwardness.
“Oh! Uh, thanks dude! I didn’t know we were doing presents or I would have gotten you something,” I say as I focus my attention on the red box.
“Nah don’t worry about it. Open it,” my best friend nudges me, seemingly very excited about his gift for me. I side eye him before handing him the joint so I can pop the box open.
I Take off the lid to reveal the expected assortment of cheap chocolates, but some of the spots of have been replaced with nugs. I look at Warren with a shocked smile and droopy eyes.
“Wow,” I laugh, trying to think of something to say. The THC in my system makes it a bit difficult to find something genuine to say to this unexpected kind gesture. “You really know what a girl wants,” I nudge him as I pop a piece of chocolate into my mouth. Warren chuckles as he inserts the burnt CD into his stereo.
“Yeah well I got hungry on the ride over here… figured I had to fill the empty spaces with something,” he teases. I laugh as I lay back into my seat. My ears perk up when I hear the intro to ‘November Rain’ by Guns N’ Roses. I lazily turn my head to quirk an eyebrow at Warren who looks almost nervous.
“You hate Guns N’ Roses,” I say with a small, confused smile, awaiting him to offer an explanation as to why he’s playing a band that he constantly complains has ‘sold out’. Warren let’s out a breathy chuckle.
“Yeah, uh, I do…” he looks away as he scratches the back of his neck. “But this is the song that was playing when the principal chased me around the gym for spiking the punch at our 8th grade dance, remember?” He explains, finally mustering up the courage to meet my eyes at the end. A laugh bubbles up through my chest as the memory comes flooding back to me. Warren had seen some kids do it in a movie, so naturally the 13 year old boy thought it would be brilliant to dump fireball into the fruit punch.
“Oh my god I forgot about that!” I wheeze, laughing so hard at this point that tears are coming from my eyes. “You got suspended for a month because you were convinced that ‘the cinnamon would complement the tropical flavor,’” I shake my head, finally catching my breath after my fit of laughter. As I wipe the tears from my cheeks, I notice Warren just staring at me with a goofy grin. There’s a glint of something in his eyes that I just can’t quite put my finger on… admiration, maybe.
“Yeah I was pretty stupid,” he laughs as he relights the joint. “But don’t forget that while he the principal was chasing me, you laughed so hard you pissed yourself,” Warren challenges as he hands me the spliff. My jaw drops before I slap him on the arm in mock defense.
“Hey I almost pissed myself. A little bit running down your leg doesn’t count,” I laugh as I blow the smoke out, watching it ricochet off the foggy windshield.
“Sure whatever,” Warren playfully rolls his eyes.
The conversation goes silent for a moment and when I look back at Warren, he has a more serious expression on his face. “I, uh, I think about that night a lot. I remember seeing you for the first time with your hair and makeup done, wearing that JCPenny dress that you hated but your mom forced you to wear… I remember thinking how beautiful you looked,” Warren says while he’s laying back in his seat, gazing through bloodshot eyes up at the roof of his car.
“Yeah that dress was the worst,” I say with a light laugh as I take a sip of his water. “I remember watching our moms hold you down and plucking your little unibrow before the dance. You screamed like a little girl and your forehead was red in all the pictures,” I laugh fondly at the memory. Warren scoffs, looking over at me.
“Woah that’s low. I compliment you and you bring up the most scarring moment of my life,” he snickers. “Uhm seriously though,Y/n. I’m, uh, really happy that you’re in my life,” his tone drops to a more serious one again.
‘What the hell is his deal?’ I think to myself in a moment of silence as ‘November rain’ continues to play in the background.
“God this song is long,” I sigh, furrowing my brows. I’ve completely forgotten what we were talking about, my mind clouded over with this extremely strong weed.
Judging by Warren’s huff and shuffle in his seat, I don’t think that he was pleased with my response. Then it clicks. The chocolates, the mixed CD, the heart to heart talk that he’s trying desperately to make work even though I’m stoned out of my mind, the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day.
“Are… are you flirting with me?” I ask, almost positive that that’s what’s happening, but still doubting myself. A large part of me is hoping that I’m right- larger than I’d like to admit.
“I’m fucking trying!” Warren laughs, his cheeks going red. I look at my best friend, seeing the handsome man that he’s growing into. A single moon beam shines from the sunroof, reflecting a sparkle in his ink pool eyes and illuminating his unkempt curls that frame his face. The car is filled with nothing but a long guitar solo as I get lost in my admiration for the boy.  I didn’t notice how uneasy my silence was making him. “But if this is weird for you-“  Warren looks away, awkwardly scratching the stubble on the side of his face.
“Then kiss me,” I say simply, interrupting him. Warren Looks at me as if his eyes are going to pop out of his skull.
“What?” He asks, shaking his head, obviously unsure if he heard me correctly.
“Kiss me,” I shrug, not elaborating anymore. Warren stares at me like a deer in headlights. I roll my eyes, then lean over the console. I place my hand behind his neck, pushing his lips against mine. It’s a small, sweet kiss but it still fills my stomach with butterflies. I pull away, leaving my face just inches from Warrens. He’s still just staring blankly but a small smile creeps onto his face.
“Spencer owes me so much money,” he laughs and then as If a switch flipped, he places his finger under my chin, then goes back in for another kiss. I’m shocked that he takes the lead this time, moving his mouth against mine in a heated exchange.
Warrens hands make their way down to my hips, holding me as if I could slip away at any second.
“Come here,” Warren demands against my lips, his voice laced with lust as he begins to lift me over the center console onto his lap. His tone makes my stomach flip, but I force myself to pull away.
“Warren, I’m extremely into this, but I don’t really want our first time to be in the parking lot of my family’s corner store,” I explain as I catch my breath, resting my hand on his thigh. The disappointment is evident on Warrens face, but he attempts to hide it.
“Yeah, no. I get it,” he laughs, running his hand through his hair. “I can die happy now honestly. I’ve been waiting to kiss you for seven years. I can wait another-” he begins to ramble- something he often does when he’s nervous.
“My parents aren’t home,” I interrupt with a mischievous grin. Warrens eyes widen.
“You mean-“ he asks as if he can’t believe what I just said.
“Yes, dumbass,” I nod my head, biting back a laugh. With that, Warren throws his car in reverse, whipping out of the parking lot as if the cops just pulled up. I attempt to scold him through my eruption of laughter as he jostles me around in the car.
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yournowheregirl · 2 years
Text
welp, this one has gotten out of hand (over 3k... yikes) but here we are! part 3 of the secret-dolly-parton-fan eddie munson saga (only 2 more parts after this!) 
[part 1] [part 2] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6 + complete on ao3]
part 3: coat of many colors
Only a few weeks later, Eddie starts to slip up.
Any other day he’d wake up to the sweet, sweet sounds of his favorite Dio album, but one morning he grabs an old Johnny Cash album that Wayne sometimes listens to and puts that one on instead. 
It’s nice, and even though it’s apparently recorded at an actual prison, it still feels like home (Eddie tries not to think about that too much).
On a late night when Wayne’s still at work, he fishes his old acoustic guitar from underneath his bed and starts strumming away random chords that sound like the country songs his momma played when he was little. Sometimes he still remembers the lyrics, softly mumbling them even though there’s no one around to hear them. 
It’s nice, it doesn’t sound as sweet as when his momma played it for him, but it still feels like home (Eddie actually thinks about it a lot this time).
And it’s not like he’s abandoned his usual music or anything. He still has his Judas Priest tapes in the van because his driving would probably even more reckless if he drove without any music (and isn’t that saying something). And he still loves his sweetheart more than anything, she just has to deal with sharing him for a bit.
Not a lot of many people notice it, at first. Mostly because he still keeps that part of himself hidden, safely tucked away in the comfort of his own bedroom. 
But Wayne notices, because of course does.
“Whatcha wearin’ there, son?” Wayne asks, never looking up from where his eyes are glued to the morning newspaper. 
Eddie’s halfway out the door already, car keys jingling against his rings when his uncle speaks up, turns around in the doorway. “Uh…” 
He looks down at his clothes - what is he wearing anyway? Ripped jeans - all fine, nothing new. White t-shirt - okay, not his usual color but not that strange. Forest green plaid button down and beat-up leather boots that both actually belonged to Wayne at one point - yeah, that must be it. 
“Yeah, I mean I know they’re yours… You want them back or somethin’?”
Wayne chuckles and closes the newspaper, leaning back in his chair. “No, no. Not at all. Just surprised you’re wearing it. Ain’t you meetin’ the kids?”
“Uh, yeah?” Eddie frowns. “Should I… not be wearing this?”
“Wear whatever you want.” Wayne shrugs. “It’s just nice.”
“Nice?”
“Yeah, nice. Nice to see you bein’ comfortable wearing that sorta thing again.” Wayne says. “Lord knows you wouldn’t be caught dead in it years ago.”
Eddie thinks back to when he first came to Hawkins, with an almost empty suitcase and ratty old teddy-bear in his hand. He didn’t have any clothes that were fit for the cold Novembers in Hawkins, more used to the mild Tennessee winters, so Wayne did the best he could and dressed him up in the warmest thing he had on hand at the time. A warm, blue flannel that Eddie’s small frame almost drowned in.
Not that he cared about it at that point. He only cared about how warm and soft it felt.
Which was fine up until the point that the other kids at school started caring about their clothes and how they looked and they started laughing at Eddie’s clothes. Making fun of how poor he was that he couldn’t even afford a decent sized shirt. Teasing him in the locker room about the holes in his socks. 
He decided then and there to swear off all the clothes Wayne picked out for him and changed his style up completely. His classmates were gonna bully him anyway, but he’d be damned if they insulted Wayne in the process. 
“Well, yeah. Guess I’m goin’ back to my roots.” Eddie shrugs.
“Noticed that as well.” Wayne is smirking now, way too pleased about the whole situation and gestures to his mouth. “Your accent, Ed. Any minute now and you’ll be talkin’ like Miss Parton herself.”
Eddie’s face heats up - if only Wayne knew what he’s been up to in his spare time “Shut up, old man. You’re gonna make me late.”
He drives a little faster than normal to the Wheeler’s house, because Wayne really did keep him a few minutes too long, but he still ends up relatively on time for Mike’s birthday party. Everyone’s already in the decorated basement (balloons and garlands and all) and Mrs. Wheeler is snapping pictures left and right, much to Mike’s obvious dismay.
Mike’s face does light up when Eddie comes stumbling down the basement, present in hand.
“Happy Birthday, mini Wheeler.” Eddie says, ruffling his hair.
“Hey, not fair! We were friends way before you befriended my sister.” Mike sighs.
“Eddie’s just got good taste.” Nancy smirks before turning back to her conversation with Max and El.
“She said it, not me.” Eddie laughs. “Now open your present.”
He’d bought Mike this older copy of a D&D manual. It’s a first edition that Eddie randomly found one day in a thrift store and considering the grin on Mike’s face, Eddie knows he made the right decision. 
Behind them on the table there’s a bunch of already-opened presents but one sticks out to Eddie - a beautifully depiction of the Party members, including El and Max, painted onto a notebook.
“Nice notebook.”
“Isn’t it the coolest? Will made it for me.” Mike gushes. “He always knows what kind of present to get me. He’s such a good friend.”
Eddie bites back a laugh. Poor Mike, so tragically oblivious to what’s staring right in front of him, bowl-cut and heart-eyes and all. But since he can’t actually laugh Mike in the face, he just smirks and pats Mike on the shoulder.
“Oh Michael… Bless your tiny lil’ heart.” 
Mike just beams at him, once again blissfully unaware of the little back-handed compliment that just escaped Eddie’s Tennessee mouth and runs off again to join the party. Not noticing a thing.
But apparently someone does.
“What was that?” Steve asks from where he’s standing behind Eddie.
“What was what?” Eddie replies automatically. He doesn’t turn around just yet, slightly terrified to find out Steve’s reaction. Not there’s any malice to be heard in his voice, but Eddie’s learned to be careful even when everything seems to be safe.
“That… the whole bless your heart thing.”
“That’s a just saying.” Eddie shrugs.
“But the accent… where did that come from?” Steve stammers.
That comment finally makes Eddie turn around only to find Steve staring at him, jaw slacked and cheeks tickled pink. And well, isn’t that interesting. 
Eddie grins as he takes a step closer to Steve, head cocked to the side. “Didn’t you know? I ain’t from around here.” He’s really laying the accent on thick this time, just to see how Steve will react. 
It pays off beautifully because Steve just stares at him again, his face turning an even deeper shade of pink that contrast with the tight yellow t-shirt he’s wearing. Eddie’s stomach bubbles with giddiness at the sudden power he’s holding over Steve, making him all flustered like this.
God, he really shouldn’t be flirting with his very-much-straight crush but it just feels so good.
“Where- where are you from then?” Steve clears his throat, running a hand through his hair.
“Tennessee, baby. Born ’n raised.” 
Steve opens his mouth and closes it again, does it a couple of times actually, like he’s a goddamn guppy. It’s, frankly, adorable and Eddie’s never wanted to kiss him more. He lowers his gaze, his hands moving through the air like he’s unsure what to do with that.
“I’m just… I’m just gonna talk to Robin for a sec. Be right back, okay?”
Eddie watches as Steve disappears in between the kids, sees how he frantically talks to Robin before dragging her upstairs, clearly in need some alone time.
Huh. Weird. 
-xxx-
Eddie comes clean about his roots to the rest of his friends a couple days later and to his surprise, no one really seems to bat an eye. Sure, there are few laughs here and there but it’s never bad. A couple of questions (mostly from El) about where he grew up and that’s that.
Or so he thinks.
Because he also told Steve, Robin and Nancy about the fact that there’s a country bar just a couple miles from Hawkins and that he’s being going there almost every week just to feel a little at home again. And now, they obviously want to come with. 
Eddie’s feeling slightly nervous about it - this is still on a whole other level than just wearing one of Wayne’s flannels and bringing out his drawl every once in a while. This is about who he is, how he was raised, and he’s not really sure how things’ll go down if his friends react weirdly about it.
Pat is surprised to say the least when Eddie strolls into the Off-Road next Wednesday with Robin, Nancy and Steve in tow. Robin swore up and down that they should dress the part even though Eddie told her it wasn’t necessary, but there they are anyway, plaid shirts and all. 
It’s slightly embarrassing to be honest, but Robin seems to enjoy making him suffer (well, that was until Nancy took off her plaid shirt and tied it around her waist to show off her tight black dress underneath and Robin almost had an aneurysm. Ha, how’s that for payback?). And besides, Steve’s looking unfairly hot in that light blue flannel so who’s Eddie to complain?
“Well, well, well. Looks like you got some friends after all, Ed.” Pat grins. “Welcome y’all.”
After Eddie introduces everyone, Robin starts talking Pat’s ear off, overjoyed with the fact that she’s finally meeting another queer woman, asking her all kinds of questions about growing up queer and how she met Tish. Eddie smiles, feeling happy for his friend. 
On the other side of the bar, Steve and Nancy are hunched over the jukebox, arguing about the next song to play.
“Is that him?” Tish asks as she puts down his beer - Eddie figures he might as well take advantage of the fact that Nancy’s driving tonight. She nods to where Steve is clearly losing the argument with Nancy. The way he’s bending over the jukebox in those tight Levi’s is making his ass look insane and Eddie lets out a strangled sound.
“Yeah, that’s him alright.”
Tish lets out a low whistle. “Damn, Eddie. You’re screwed.”
“Why, geez. Thanks for that boost of confidence, Tish.”
Tish just winks at him and disappears back into the kitchen. Eddie just sits and sulks for a bit, head rocking along to the song that Nancy picked out until Robin suddenly slides into view, eyes filled with mischief that Eddie doesn’t care for one bit.
“So… A little birdie told me you’ve been singing Dolly Parton songs here on the regular.” Robin says in a sing-song voice.
Damn Pat and her blabber mouth.
Eddie narrows his eyes at her. “And what about it, Buckley?”
“Nothing! Just wondering if you might wanna play a song for us tonight?” Robin asks. She clasps her hands together and pouts when Eddie rolls his eyes at her. “Please? I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
“And how exactly do you propose to do that?”
“Well… I can’t really say. Not yet anyway.” Robin smiles awkwardly. “But I promise you’ll be happy about it once it works out. Please?”
Eddie sighs - he’s never really been able to resist someone begging and he’s not gonna start now. He finishes his beer in one swig and makes his way over to the stage, taking the now-familiar acoustic guitar from the wall.
His friends sit down at a table close to the stage, staring at him with eager excitement as Eddie tries to think of a song to play. He feels strangely nervous. They had seen him play before, been to a few of Corroded Coffin gigs and he even sang the Beatles’ Blackbird for Nancy’s birthday but this still feels scarier, more intimate. 
And the thing is, he can’t really go with one of the songs he played her before because one wrong look in Steve’s direction and he’d be fucked for life. Or even worse, a love song - that’d make for a real awkward evening. So, he finally settles on a song that’s neither of those, but still a song that’s very close to his heart.
“Back through the years, I go wonderin’ once again. Back to the seasons of my youth…” Eddie sings softly, though his drawl rolls out of him with full force. 
He can’t help it, it’s the only way he knows how to sing this song because it’s the way his momma sang it to him every night before going to bed. Tucking him in tightly underneath the duvet, covering his face with kisses until he couldn’t stop giggling. Her voice soft and warm as she sang him to sleep.
“There were rags of many colors, every piece was small. And I didn’t have a coat and it was way down in the fall. Mama sewed the rags together, sewin’ every piece with love. She made my coat of many colors, that I was so proud of.”
He thinks of Wayne. Thinks of the clothes Wayne gave him while growing up. How he wore them to school with pride, excited to have clothes to call his own. To have a home and someone taking care of him, not because Wayne had to but because he wanted to. 
“So with patches on my britches and in holes in both my shoes, in my coat of many colors, I hurried off to school. Just to find the others laughing and are making of fun of me, in my coat of many colors my mama made for me.”
Thinks of his classmates laughing at his accent, at the way he dressed, at his amazement of seeing snow for the very first time. Remembers going home to Wayne with tears in his eyes, stuffing his plaid shirts into the deepest corner of his closet and trading it for plain black tees instead. Remembers staying up late when Wayne was at work to practice his speech pattern by watching old tv-shows and repeating the lines. 
Looks up at his friends. Realizes how he’s showcasing all those parts he hid away for years and is for once, rewarded for it. They’re listening intently, proud smiles on their faces. Nancy and Robin are leaning against each other, their fingers finding their way to one another.
Glances over at Steve, whose hands are folded underneath his chin as he looks at Eddie with a gentle smile, his eyes soft and almost like honey underneath the warm ceiling lights of the bar. He barely blinks, eyes glued to Eddie and Eddie only. It’s a bit distracting, if Eddie’s being honest. He feels his cheeks heat up and he almost misses a chord at one point, realizing then and there why he didn’t pick a love song in the first place. 
He needs to sing, not melt into a puddle of goo underneath Steve’s gaze, goddammit.
“Now I know we had no money, but I was rich as I could be. In my coat of many colors, my mama made for me. Made just for me…”
The song softly fades away and Eddie mumbles a quick thanks into the microphone as his friends and the rest of the the bar burst out into applause. He shuffles over to the table  where he’s met with Robin and Nancy beaming at him and pulling him into a tight hug.
“That was so good.” Nancy gushes.
“Yeah, it was amazing! You should switch music genres, if I’m honest.” Robin nods. “Change Corroded Coffin’s name into Corroded Cowboy or something.”
Eddie chuckles. “Not sure if the guys are gonna like that. But thanks, girls. Means a lot.”
Steve stays strangely quiet in between Robin and Nancy’s stream of compliments, just fiddling with the coaster in between his fingers. It’s not until Nancy drags Robin to the dance floor when an upbeat song starts playing and Eddie slides into one of the empty seats they left behind, that Steve speaks up.
“You have a really nice voice, you know that?” 
He says it so softly that Eddie can barely hear him over the bluegrass music on the speakers. Still, it’s enough for Eddie’s cheeks to flush pink.
“Thanks.” Eddie replies, ducking his head to prevent Steve from seeing his flushed face. 
“Seriously, man.” Steve says. “Think about Robin said. I mean, I love hearing you sing and scream about the world’s injustices with Corroded Coffin as much as the next person but…”
Eddie’s heart starts beating out of his chest because holy fuck, Steve loves hearing him sing, Steve loves hearing him sing, Steve loves hearing him sing.
“But these songs seem to come so natural to you, y’know?” Steve glances up to meet Eddie’s eyes, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards. “You make it seem so…”
“Easy?” Eddie supplies.
Steve smiles and there’s something in his eyes that Eddie can’t quite decipher. A secret that only Steve seems to know. “Yeah, exactly. Easy.”
Eddie feels the flush on his face deepen underneath Steve’s gaze and he needs a way out before he starts doing something incredibly stupid like drag him to the bathroom just to see what happens when he calls Steve darlin’. 
“You want a refill?” Eddie says quickly, gesturing towards the empty beer bottle on the table. “My treat.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Eddie.”
The sound of his own name rolling off Steve’s tongue almost makes Eddie  stumbles as he stands up  makes his way towards the bar. Smooth, Munson, real fuckin’ smooth.
“Two beers please.” Eddie tells Pat, drumming his ring-adorned hands on the faded wood of the bar.
“Here ya go.” Pat says, handing him the drinks. Eddie’s about to turn back, when she stops him. “Ed, I don’t mean to mess with your head or anythin’… But are ya sure that boy’s straight?”
Eddie snorts. “What’d you mean? ‘Course he is.”
“Well, I won’t be so sure about that, kiddo.” Pat says with a knowing smile. “I’ve been seein’ the way he looks at you tonight and well… let’s just say it’s the same way I look at Tish every morning I wake up next to her.”
Eddie looks up to where Steve’s chatting with Jack, one of the older regulars who’s an actually banjo player in his spare time. He just watches them for a minute, a soft smile playing around his lips, the one he always gets when he’s looking at Steve. 
Steve looks up and their eyes meet, a bright smile appearing on his face as he wiggles his hands in the air to wave at Eddie. He seems so happy and he’s never looked more beautiful. 
Christ, Eddie’s so in love with him.
“That. That look right there. No one looks at their platonic friend like that. Not when there are other feelings involved.” Pat says firmly. “You might wanna start re-thinkin’ this whole situation, Ed.” She adds cryptically and returns to where she’s drying off another glass.
A tingly feeling spreads all over Eddie’s body, a shiver running up his spine. It should feel nice, it does feel nice, but at the same time Eddie knows it’s actually the worst feeling in the world.
Hope. 
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