#I feel very sick right now.
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What is there to say?
I am afraid. I am angry.
For the second time this country has shamed itself and put the world in jeopardy from its example. Other monsters will be empowered and run ahead with their own nations. Now, short of a miracle which I do not hold my breath for, we must hold on for four years to see if one of Trump’s infinite ugly promises holds true—will we even get to have a presidential election in the future? Supposing we do, can we even trust that our fellow Americans won’t damn us again?
I am afraid. I am angry.
Sickness and blame boil in me. I did everything I could. I voted, I informed, I pleaded. I know that my friends have too. But the news tells me it was not just the electoral college that failed us, but the popular vote. Which tells me that we live surrounded by more ignorance and hate than I ever expected. We live in a country where eligible voters are steeped in an ideology that aligns enough with the poison of Project 2025 that it makes me fear to trust anyone—anyone—around me ever again. And it makes me wonder, in light of the turnout, how many people stayed at home and simply chose not to vote. Chose not to sully themselves with the effort of choosing the lesser evil. I am looking at you. We are all looking at you. Do you feel smart now? Do you feel superior? Do you plan to pat your back today for ‘teaching them a lesson?’ Do you have a plan to save us? To save the rest of the world from the ripple of this? Tell me you do. I’m listening.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I am not prophesizing doom. But I have a memory that goes back at least eight whole years. I understand the concepts of hindsight and foresight. I know that everything the Republicans say they wish to do to us, they mean to do, and want to do worse. That is the truth. That is who they are and what they want. I know this. I accept this as fact. The stages of grief have been cycled through before, remember? There is no denial. No bargaining. My calluses are still here. They must harden thicker now.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I am thinking, of all things, of cosmic horror. More, cosmic insignificance. I always do in the face of reality’s grandest nightmares. A useless perspective except to give scale to things. I am less than an atom in the sea of space. A fraction of a fraction of a fraction of meat and time and breath on a crumb of mud in a galaxy tucked haphazardly in a corner of an infinity of stars and darkness. My life, like all lives, is a flicker. Barely there. Death is inevitable. I must live like I know it. And to devote myself wholly to horror, even in the face of the unthinkable, is to waste the rest of what I have, what I am. Gods fall from the sky and raise their heads from the sea, and I am still here. Reading. Writing. Breathing. Thinking. Hating.
(“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE THEM SINCE I SAW THE NEWS. THERE WERE 71,071,013 VOTES FOR HIM THIS YEAR. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH OF THOSE BALLOTS IN 8 PT FONT ON BOTH SIDES AND PRINTED AGAIN FROM THE EAST COAST TO THE WEST, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR MY COUNTRY AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR THEM. HATE. HATE.”)
I am afraid. I am angry.
Nauseous to find that the first thing I did upon learning the results was look up suicide hotlines. Not for me—I have saved myself too long with fact: Wait long enough, death will come eventually. Do not jump ahead in line.—but for those who I know are afraid enough to overwhelm the anger, to drown out all else, and who are thinking of the next four years and who knows how much longer. I know you’re out there. I know you are looking at the pills in your cupboard, at the veins of your arm, at the black tunnel of the gun. Look away. Look here.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386 (for LGBTQ youth)
Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 (for the transgender community)
I am afraid. I am angry.
I am alive. Here and now, whether I like it or not. I despair for myself, for my friends, for strangers across the country and the globe who can feel the full and loathsome weight of all this election implies about those around us. Those who hold our lives in their hands and will do all they can to wring them dry in earnest. How did things turn to this? How did it all sink so low, so awful, so venomously backwards against education and empathy? How, how, how? A missing stage of the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and Confused disappointment.
I am afraid. I am angry.
The morning is sunless, of course. There will be no light for another hour as I write this. But time is passing. Second by minute by hour. And each micro-instant that accrues in which I am here and myself, existing outside the red mold they want, is another moment that would anger them. To let despair crush and collapse me out of shape, out of life and its facets, is a victory I will not cede to anyone. Least of all to them. I will go on, because I must go on. I will be myself, for that is an affront to all they want from me. I will think and act and make and be for as long and fully as I can. Because fuck them.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I am not alone. I know that too, for the numbers show it. Afraid, angry. But never alone. Neither are you.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I am here. I am holding your hand.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I love you more than I fear anything.
I am afraid. I am angry.
I love you more than I hate anyone.
I am afraid. I am angry.
Let’s go.
#election 2024#I feel very sick right now.#I know you do too.#But we are alive. We are here.#Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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Act I ~ The Prince
A tapestry for Let No One Sleep by @azalawa-scroggs on ao3
#narumitsu#wrightworth#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#nmbb24#happy nrmt big bang!!! there are two more of these…..#but you’ll have to wait for them#fan art#aa#ace attorney#dick gumshoe#maya fey#manfred von karma#…bro is creeping…#wHEEWWWW ok took me a bazillion years to catch up with my day but HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON THIS ONE:#the border is intended to be read in counter clockwise direction#so: top -> left -> bottom -> right#and YES the sun and the moon are intentionally associated with the attorney's and prosecutor's badges respectively#phoenix and miles are our sun and moon throughout this story so be sure to look for that in the fic too!!#this style was very experimental for me but i wanted it to mimic the feeling of a tapestry hence me referring to it that way#i WISH this was fabric that would be sick as fuck#i will eventually share a proper breakdown of the thoughts and intentions behind everything but for now...#im gonna miss Phoenix’s cloak bc im obsessed with the design actually. wish that thing was real too#miles is my cunty little bitchboy in this wearing his thousand pound fur coat and the suitor stompy boots#if you thought that was a rug and went Oh. ...that was on purpose :^)))))#rendevok#id in alt text
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Wait do you actually believe they will hard launch? May I ask you what makes you believe that? (Would love that)
i mean i believe they already have. What dan says in basically in gay about him and phil was a hard launch to me.
but in terms of shifting to a reality where they stop hiding it all together i think we’ll get something after tour and that’s just because when they brought dapg back and the played heart throb again they mention that 2018 they were soft launching being gay and like when you watch videos from 2018 you can see looking back where the soft launches were and in the last year the comments they make about themselves feel very much like 2018 to me but obviously this time the thing to hint about is that they’re a couple and it’s only gotten more obvious to me as the years gone on and to me them making the no seriously imagine it video was the biggest thing to me that oh they’re potentially ready to say something and them making a newly wed game video really solidified it
now obviously i could absolutely be clowning and i know someone’s gonna redirect me back to BIG and say well dan said he wanted to keep things private and yes he does say that but i don’t think we can take what he said in a 5 year old video as what he might feel now especially cos there are a few things he said in that video that he clearly has a different view of now anyway
#also idk if this makes sense because i feel very sick right now lol#bethanie answers#dan and phil#phan
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hi everyone <3
I have a bit of a life update. To make a long story short, last week I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been having a... very hard time coming to terms with that. For most of my life I believed I just had a bad anxiety disorder, but I am now realizing that is unfortunately not the case. The past couple months I have been in a near constant state of fight or flight, fear, panic, whatever you want to call it- without really realizing it. and man. it has been exhausting, mentally, physically, spiritually. I just thought it was normal to feel like this all the time. i assumed everyone felt like this. my therapist has helped me realize I am in a lot of pain right now and it is not normal. so. the good news is that there is an intensive trauma therapy that I will be doing for the next couple months that is going to really help me recover. i love and trust my therapist with my whole heart. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am finally getting the help i need. so. unfortunately I am going to step away from tumblr for a bit. i dont really want to do this, i love being on here. i love interacting with all the friends i've made here. kink has become a very important and healing part of my life. but it is just a little too much for me at the moment. I'm not sure when I will return, could be a couple weeks, a couple months. I'll return when I feel right. I feel like this may be a little odd to share here, but it's important to me to acknowledge and share that I have been having a really hard time. i tend to downplay when i'm in pain. i feel like people usually don't care about me (i know this is very very much not the case. im trying to convince my brain of that too.) its really hard for me to tell people when i am struggling, especially in my real life. so i am taking baby steps and starting here. so, until I return- chase your tails for me, roll in the grass, bark at the squirrels. take care of yourselves. if you are struggling, know youre loved. get the help you need. i will be curling up in my dog bed and taking a nap in the sun. ruff ruff. wag wag. much love to all of you.
#agh personal posts. i know this is mainly a dogboy kink blog and some people will not care. but this is my blog and i will share what i want#i am safe and okay. i am just.. struggling to accept that i am very very sick right now. i was raised to just push that shit way down.#im done doing that. i am going to have to feel all the pain to heal it. nervous but excited. ready but hesitant.#anyways. hi. i love what this blog has done for me. for what this community has done for me. i will be back. you cant get rid of me!#will be keeping an eye out for messages for the next couple days. but this post is mainly to give myself permission to take a step back.#its weird. i feel obligated to post here and am feeling guilty for putting myself first. but thats the trauma i guess!#anyways anyways anyways. if youve read all of this i love you. thank you for listening. see you soon.#jasperbarks
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roadside tongari snack break
#is the joke too niche?? whatever#did some digital doodling while i was sick bc i did Not trust my hands to stay steady enough to work on a traditional piece#i feel a bit better now. still working through some congestion but i dont feel on the verge of passin out no more 👍#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash the stampede#tongari the snack#trigun#98 or trimax continuity idc#either way i need to draw wolfwood with scruff or i Die#drawing#comic#illustration#artists on tumblr#small artist#manga#my art#fanart#not explicitly vashwood BUT. drawn with it in mind :3#anyway tongari the chip has to exist somewhere on no man's land for wolfwood to nickname vash after it. right#somehow this very specific japanese snack made it#ik nightow did not think that hard about worldbuilding but fuck it. tongari chips on no man's land
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adhd can be a bitch for a lot of reasons, but i do feel sorry for neurotypicals who can't just enter The Time Warp whenever they're feeling super shitty
#every time i get sick or injured i can simply skip cutscene until i feel better#its a very good superpower#one that i am going to take advantage of right now in fact
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Okay but forreal, now more than ever I desperately NEED Aya to eventually wreck Fyodor's shit somehow. I already wanted her to get her revenge before, but I didn't think Fyodor would even remember or know who she was, and would massively underestimate her for that reason (just like Jouno knew that Fukuchi would underestimate her). But now the story has instead created this twisted, fucked-up dynamic between them, where Fyodor not only knows her, but is protective of her for reasons that are not his own: he has taken the pure, noble, kind, fatherly love motivating Bram to protect Aya and warped it into something horrific, vowing to protect her body only while not caring how much her heart and mind has been scarred, and claiming to be doing it for her own salvation, when he cannot possibly understand the selfless feelings Bram had that made him want to protect her and care for her — feelings that he does not have. He may genuinely have some sort of affection for children (the way he treated Karma, "blessings for the children", this), but it is twisted and hollow and is quite possibly only him unconsciously acting out the motions due to behavior instilled in him from the feelings of all the people he's subsumed in the past.
All this is to say that, now the narrative has specifically pitted Aya and Fyodor together as direct enemies: she not only had reason already to hate him because he killed Bram, but because he's also taken Bram's love for her and defiled it, dishonored it and him and all that he was; meanwhile, Fyodor has given himself an arch nemesis that he no doubt takes great pleasure in seeing how much she hates him/how much despair he's brought her, but paradoxically at the same time feels a compulsion to "protect" her that draws himself to her and that he can't ignore. Aya has to defeat him somehow (not permanently, mind you; Dazai will undoubtedly be his final end), and the setup for Bram being able to fight back enough to stop Fyodor from the inside with her help is all right there, too. Their love for each other is still enduring, stronger than ever, Fyodor is proof of that right now, and they will be able to defeat him together, at least enough that Bram can be freed and come back to Aya. Dazai told Fyodor that he would lose because he doesn't understand and underestimates the power of friendship bonds and love, and there is no better a time for that to happen than here, when he is literally using someone's strong love for and connection with someone (acting as that person and claiming to know how they feel and to be the same as them) in a way that he cannot understand, which will be his undoing.
#bungou stray dogs#bsd 115#bsd spoilers#bsd 115 spoilers#this post brought to you by me spamming two steps from hell songs because i need to be hyped up and to feel something#the lyrics to 'star sky' are very bsd (especially right now) okay just listen to it#anyway aya is gonna fuck fyodor up i see the vision LET ME COOOOOK#I SEE ASAGIRI'S COOKING AND I'M STIRRING THE POT#PICKING UP WHAT HE'S PUTTING DOWN#BOY THAT WHOLE PART MADE ME FEEL LITERALLY ILL AND WANTING TO KMS BUT THE PAYOFF IS GONNA BE SO GOOD JUST WATCH#i had the copium after last chapter but IT'S FORMING NOW WE SEEING IT COMING TOGETHER TRUST#GIVING FYODOR AND AYA A TOXIC FUCKED UP FATHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP OOOHHHH............ PURE EVIL BUT I'LL GLADLY BE SICK FOR A WHILE#IF IT MEANS THE REUNION AND RAT SMACKDOWN IS ALL THE MORE SATISFYING!!!!!!!!!!#AYA AND BRAM GET HIS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#THAT RAT BASTARD COULDN'T RECOGNIZE A LOVING PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP IF IT HIT HIM IN THE FACE#(narrator: this statement would come back to haunt her)#HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD AND TRY TO BE HIM!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER!!!!!!!!!!#BRAM'S LOVE FOR HER IS STILL IN THERE AND I'M MORE THAN A LITTLE EMOTIONAL OVER IT#HE'S GONNA COME BACK SHE'S GONNA FUCK FYODOR UP THEY'RE GONNA DO IT TOGETHER WITH THE POWER OF LOVE BABYYYYYY#*kingdom hearts 3 woody voice* because hE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HEARTS AND LOVE!!!!!!!!
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You may have already mentioned this in some of your other metas, and I just missed it, so please ignore this if it's redundant.
Do you think Bruce is projecting onto Jason by pushing him as a Robin? Obviously, Jason wanted to be Robin and was excited about it, and Bruce let Jason do other things, but (if I'm not mistaken) before Tim came into play, solidifying the whole Batman needs a Robin/support to keep him upright, Bruce and Dick becoming Batman and Robin, in the beginning, was also sort of a coping mechanism.
I think there are a few examples of Bruce enabling this kind of mindset. Like in Gotham Knights #43–44 (sorry), every time Barbara brings up Jason's inner turmoil, Bruce refocuses on his ability as a Robin; similarly, when Jason finds out about Two-Face and his dad, he is hurt, and Bruce acknowledges that but then does the same thing, zeroing in on reassuring Jason that he made a mistake but is still a good Robin.
Like, Jason got it from Bruce, but he unintentionally encouraged that kind of thinking.
oh, i definitely think that bruce is projecting on jason and that it profoundly affected jay. and, while every single one of your observations is apt, i would add that what truly made it so tragic is that he projected his own worst traits on jason while being blind to the fact that jay already shared his best qualities.
tldr: bruce projects himself on jason in terms of grief (saying that jason needs vigilantism to work his grief through) and sees his own worst traits in jason (anger) but doesn't see his own best traits in jay (compassion, love, and sensitivity). ironically, jason does end up developing all of the (projected) worst characteristics of bruce (obsessiveness, and relentlessness in pursuit of the respective perceived idea of justice). this happens even though they were barely present in his early storylines, and only ever manifested when jason was scared or lost. later, they truly came to be because of his trauma relating to vigilantism.
and the long, long version, coming with panels and quotes: under the cut.
first i want to say that the following analysis focuses very specifically on bruce's mistakes, but i don't view the overall of jay's upbringing by bruce solely in these terms. from text it is also clear that bruce deeply loves and cares about jay, and that jay enjoys being robin. now that this is clear, let's get to particularities, and start with jay's origin story.
i truly never stop thinking about the significance of bruce meeting jay in the crime alley, the place of his parents' death. there's a lot to be said about it, but here the focus is, of course, on the fact that he sees a little boy, very much similar to himself, angry and hurt, in the same scenery that brought him so much grief. and jay in some ways does appear to be a mirror of bruce's own agonies, as well as a mirror of his own inclination for seeking justice; and somehow, bruce fixates on the first one, while almost completely dismissing the latter.
bruce looks at him and assumes that the remedy to jason's pain and anger is being robin; and he doesn't stop to think about it. (it has to be noted that there's also classism at play, classism that is mostly a result of writers' own beliefs – collins did state in a couple of interviews that that the motivation behind jason's background was to make his introduction into vigilantism seem less offensive, as jason has already been exposed to crime...)
i think, in this context, it's interesting to look at the two-face storyline even closer, and from the start too. in the beginning, bruce talks of jason's 'street' roots and assumes jay would go "down the same criminal road that took his father [willis] to an early death." he also talks of jason making a lot of progress. later, in batman #411, after jason learns that willis has been killed by two-face, bruce comments that jay "has never been like this...listless...almost pouting--"
this all, along with jay's cheerful and diligent behaviour from the previous issue builds an interesting picture for us: because we essentially learn that jay has been overall an unproblematic child. bruce, of course, attributes this "progress" to the training. however, for anyone else, the logical conclusion would be that jay's quick adjustment was simply a matter of finding himself in a safe and stable environment and receiving continuous support and attention from a parental figure. i find it rather questionable that jason's personality softened down because he had something to punch in the cave–– the more intuitive explanation is of course that he was angry and quick to fight when they first met because he couldn't afford anything else and because he was scared. but months later, in a loving home, he can allow himself to drop his guard; and his cocky attitude disappears until much later.
so the rather unsettling picture that we derive is that bruce is training jay to become a vigilante in order to "channel" his (nonvisible at this point) anger into something useful and just. and he clearly links this to his own trauma in batman #416 (that’s already starlin btw), in his conversation with dick, explaining why he took jay in: “he’s so full of anger and frustration… he reminds me of myself, just after my parents were killed.” bruce also mentions that soon after their first meeting, jason helped him and "handled himself well" in the fight, but he doesn't mention that jay has ran away from a crime "school" and intended to stop injustice on his own only because he was ignored.
the theme of bruce comparing jay to himself appears again in detective comics #574 (barr), where it is approached with a much more... critical look, thanks to leslie's presence and her skepticism of bruce's actions. after jason has suffered nearly fatal injuries at the hand of the mad hatter, bruce reminisces on his own trauma and motives. he tells leslie: "i didn't choose jason for my work. he was chosen by it...as i was chosen." leslie replies: "stop that! (...) you do this for yourself... you're still that little boy (...)" then, the conversation steers to the familiar ground and the topic of anger. in bruce's words, again: “i wanted to give jason an outlet for his rage…wanted him to expunge his anger and get on with his life…” and finishes "and instead, i may have killed him."
the recognition that bruce's projection on jason and involving him with his work might have fatal consequences is, as always, fast forgotten once jay wakes up and proclaims that he wants to continue his work as robin.
but to circle back, i think there's something else worth our attention, something deeply ironic, that is showcased in that issue: that bruce has no evidence for jay's "rage." when leslie talks of bruce's past, she recalls his tendencies to get into brutal fights at perceived injustice as early as in school; when bruce talks of jason, two pictures that are juxtaposed, are that of jason fighting as robin and jason... smiling, playing baseball.
so, in the early days of jason's training and work in the field, we see bruce talking of jason's anger a lot; but we barely see it.
that being said, jay is angry sometimes– and i think your observation about how bruce deals with it is incredibly interesting and accurate.
we first see jay truly and devastatingly angry in the two-face storyline. bruce focuses on jay's reaction as robin, which is, in fact, aggressive. but something that he barely addresses is that jason's first reaction is sleeping all day, and not beating anyone to a pulp; in fact, this vengeful instinct seems to arise only when he is put right in front of two-face. and his third instinct, once the rage (very quickly) dies down after the altercation with two-face, is crying, because bruce hid the truth about willis' death from him. jay, while crying, asks bruce: "you have taken me out into combat-- but you spare me this?" in response, bruce lectures jason about how grief inspires revenge, which is, again, deeply ironic, given that jay seeking out revenge seemed to be prompted and enabled solely by the role of robin. moreover, his question suggests that at this point he saw grief ("you spare me this") and fighting as two different things.
the final is, as you said, bruce focusing on making it into a lesson on vigilantism, or, in his own words, "tempering revenge into justice." personally, i think in this way bruce directs jason to bring his grief into the field as a powering force, something that he didn't necessarily have an own incentive to do. the flash of compartmentalisation between his ordinary life and being a sidekick that jay has shown by questioning bruce's decision is lost. emotions are now a robin thing, and they have an (informal) protocol, a moral code. and when jay is confronted with an emotionally exhausting case next – the garzonas case, i believe that the focus on "tempering revenge into justice" is exactly the problem– we don't see jay crying, we see him frantic about finding the solution. this, right there, is bruce's obsessiveness, that in my opinion, was developed in jay specifically as a result of how his engagement with vigilantism combines with his deep sensitivity.
and, needless to say, his sensitivity is all the same as that of bruce – they both can't stand looking at other people hurting, they both wear their hearts on their sleeve, caring way too much – the thing is, bruce never quite acknowledges how they are similar in this matter. instead, he focuses on his sparse bursts of anger, wanting to bring jason closure in his grief the only way he knows it – in a fight for a better world. so, as you said, he focuses on jason's ability as robin.
which just doesn't work for jason. at all. we know it from how his robin run comes to an end: in the first issue of a death in the family (batman #426) alfred informs: “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.” to that, bruce contends: “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents deaths.” he also tells jay that the field is not a place for someone who is hurting; a message that is the opposite of what he's been saying for years now, and something that i imagine was difficult for bruce to conceptualise, because then he would have to question his own unhealthy tendencies. it's a bit late to come to this realisation; bruce's self-projection that caused him to worry so much about jay's anger has already turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that will fully manifest itself in utrh, when jason does the only thing he was taught to do with grief: try to channel it into justice.
#AHHH this took me so long for no reason at all. so sorry anon <3#anyway. i'm obsessed with your observation regarding bruce's focus on robin in the two-face storyline#i've already briefly considered it but you made me go back and reread it#and i just stared at these panels of jason in bed all day for like good 5 minutes thinking. jesus christ. jesus christ#“you spare me *this*?” <- this line is making me feel SICK TO MY STOMACH.#so maybe bruce is right when he says that he made jason like this in tfz.#and jay is of course even more right when he says that he didn't make him. he raised him#also don't apologise for bringing in gotham knights#i actually talked about it some before because it is a very good illustration of bruce projecting on jay#<- i didn't include it here bc my post was getting insanely long.#anyway back on the topic. i think it's so deeply sad that jay genuinely has no idea#that this is what bruce thinks#i think he would be DEVASTATED if he knew the way bruce fixated on the idea of his anger#hm. normal now.#thank you so much for this ask. you can tell i was delighted to answer it <3#i actually already had a draft about it when you sent it... but i'm sooo slow with editing my word vomit#outbox#jay.zip#jay.txt#dc#jason todd#core texts
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SoapGaz
*cracks knuckles* They're definitely idiots to lovers but as in they're idiots and they become lovers, not as in "oblivious to the other's extreme attraction until a climatic moment"
Who was the one to propose? I want it to be Soap so badly but also think it'd be very on brand for them/their relationship if Gaz also proposed. I'm talking like the Spiderman meme where they point at each other when they realize and then they laugh and neither can even say yes, they try to kiss but they're both still laughing too hard. It's just such a beautiful mental image that I have right now :')
Who stressed more over wedding planning? Gaz. Gaz a thousand times over. Soap is experienced with weddings and wedding planning (he has so many in-law siblings and almost all of his cousins his age/older are married.) but Gaz doesn't have any experience with even being at a wedding, much less planning his own.
Who decorated the house? Gaz. He's got style and taste, but he a hundred percent uses a lot of Soap's artwork :)
Who does the cooking? Soap. He was taught and raised well by such a large family that food was just a staple of his upbringing.
Who is more organized? Hot take? Soap is the more organized one. He's a demo expert, yes, but those things are fucking dangerous! He may not be cleaner necessarily, but he knows certain things CANNOT mix, and he got so into the habit of putting things into separate categories that it just carried over into civilian living.
Who suggested kids first? Soap, jokingly. But in terms of who was serious when suggesting it? Gaz. Soap had made a comment about "what if we had one?" while at a MacTavish family event and pointing at a little niece/nephew of his as a joke. Gaz had to play along with it but internally he was flipping out. He brings up the conversation of kids as a serious topic a few weeks later.
Who's the cuddler? Both are very physically affectionate. But in terms of 'must be touching you at all times?' it's Gaz. Soap runs hot I feel like, so especially at night he doesn't really want cuddles but Gaz is like "too bad you're stuck with me >:) "
Who's big spoon/little spoon? Gaz is big spoon at night, but during the day when cuddling on the couch or something it's Soap
What's their favorite non-sexual activity? Museum dates. Gaz is such a little nerd and Soap loves art. Museum dates are perfect for them, cause it's something calm and beautiful, there's an opportunity for Gaz to get a new book or something, and for a desert afterwards.
Who comes home drunk at 3am? I wanna say Soap. He's just such a golden retriever that if a bunch of their friends are hanging out at bars, he's right there with them. Gaz is there, too, but he doesn't usually drink to drunkenness like Soap does.
Who kills the spiders? Gaz. It's not that Soap is afraid of them but he argues that it's best if he and the spider remain on opposite sides of the room. Gaz doesn't give a flying fuck
Who falls asleep first? Depends. If it's during a late-night movie in their flat, it's Soap. Gaz gets too invested in every movie they watch so he can never fall asleep first. But if it's right when they go to bed, it's usually Gaz cause Soap needs to do something like doodle/journal for a bit to calm his mind before he can.
A headcanon: Trying to decide if I want to keep this SFW or just go the nasty route... I'll keep it safe for now. They do pretty much everything together, especially on base. They just love each other's company so much and both thrive off social interaction so it's like a win-win. They'll workout together, they eat together, they go grocery shopping together. They're such an iconic duo it's hard to ignore the fact they're together. ALSO, I fully believe Soap is just whipped for Gaz's smile/laugh (aren't we all?) that he does everything in his power to see it/hear him laugh. Even if Gaz's 'laugh' is just a bunch of wheezing punctuated by laughing sounds, Soap still finds it so beautiful. Anything he can do to make Gaz smile/laugh was worth doing
Do they have any rituals? Gaz is the one with the most rituals, so to speak. He's got a whole skin care routine (that he dragged Soap into), he's got some pretty good oral hygiene. Soap has a whole morning ritual that is far too complicated for Gaz's understanding. It's about how he makes his coffee and it's one of the most bizarre things Gaz has ever witnessed.
Who has the most patience? Probably Gaz. Even though, in the field, they're both patient (they're both snipers and Soap is a demo man, both roles require a lot of physical patience), Soap is pretty short-tempered when it comes to most other things. Like, physically, he's patiently waiting for something, but when you listen to him talking to Gaz, it's just complaining about how bored/impatient he is. It takes a lot to get Gaz genuinely angry at something, which is not to say he's going from 0-100 in these instances. He's definitely showing he's annoyed at everything, but whether he actually acts on it or not is the determining factor of his patience.
A gif that describes their relationship: I actually really like this one. It's just *sighs* I don't know but it's SoapGaz in my heart
#I am too obsessed with these two me thinks#I might just be a SoapGaz truther /joking#'/joking' Unless??#I don't know I feel very sick right now so *shrugs*#soapgaz#gazsoap#gaz x soap#soap x gaz#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#cod mw2#call of duty#soapgaz headcanons#141 headcanons#cod headcanons#snootles's askbox#snootles answers
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If one more man in my workplace tries to ask me out i will set the whole place on fire, i don't care anymore. I can't keep doing this over and over. These fucking idiots want to get into the pants of a fucking NPC, the person they work with isn't REAL! THAT'S A MIRROR MADE TO BOUNCE BACK WHATEVER YOU THROW AT IT IN HOPE TO END THE INTERACTION SWIFTLY AND WITHOUT ANY ISSUE. THAT SIMULACRUM OF ME IS THERE TO MAKE MONEY AND THAT'S ALL! NO friendship! NO relationship! You DON'T get to know anything about me! you get a COWORKER! and that's IT!
#IM SICK OF THIS SHIT!!! NO FUCKER! I DONT WANNA HANG OUT OUTSIDE OF WORK I DONT LIKE YOU!!!!!!#the ONLY guy who did this to me who was okay was the one who confessed his feelings on his last day right before quitting#he did scribble my initial inside a heart and it was up in the department for weeks but at least he wasnt in my FACE about it!#now i gotta fucking go to work tomorrow and be fucking stressed out and scared because i have to deal with turning down a motherfucker#i JUST started liking my job again and this is what i get????? can i get a fucking BREAK!?#benny babble#i needed to put this somewhere because im very honestly at my wits end here. like i guess that's what i get for being nice at work#dudes will really look at someone they think is a woman smile at then and take it as interest. im being POLITE
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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hi internet friends . i love you. you’re niceys to me and i really appreciate that bc you were not obligated to be. and yet you chose kindness and companionship anyways. that’s very nice of you
#marzi speaks#been thinking abt how when i was Very Sick i felt very separate from a lot of my irl friends#bc i couldn’t go See them#and i’ve been feeling like that while i waited out the semester i had to take off as well#because nobody was still really in my hometown consistently#but the online friends are still the same level of reachable no matter what#so like. it helped the loneliness a lot. talking to people online#brought me a lot of comfort. still does. i have a lot going on in my head right now#but when my online friends talk to me and do things with me it helps me feel more like a person#so like. thanks. <3 a ton. genuinely#(to my mutuals who are also irls: i love you too of course i just am reflecting on sickness stuffs)
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interesting time to have a get too stressed and have your body try to kill you thing going on today, ocean life and ocean ecosystem documentaries save me
#not a horse#i already ran a low fever earlier i made the mistake of glancing at the polling map and immediately felt sick sooooo#time to go watch some fish in reef ecosystems#do you want a fun fact about reefs? most are thousands upon thousands of years old!#they can be made up of shellfish or corals haha#and ancient reefs allow us to have flint and limestone and shale. which are invaluable#reefs are very valuable habitats but im more of an estuary lover#i really like to look at how fish adapt to estuarian enviorments and how such a harsh ecosystem sustains a lot of life#because estuaries are very good for spawning and pupping!#i think I'll probably be okay by next week and this flare up will end but i feel pretty bad right now
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Hey there, so sorry to hear about your loss, and sorry that this year has been so hard on you as a whole. I know nothing I can say will make things better, so I’m just popping by out of the void of the internet to offer you the virtual equivalent of a cup of tea (or other beverage of your choice) ☕️
A few summers ago I lost one of my grandparents, and after what had been a very long day a friend of mine gave me a piece of advice that I’ve yet to forget. “Go home”, she said, “And have a nice hot chocolate, or hot honey and lemon drink. It will fix absolutely nothing, but it will taste good, and even on our worst days, that’s worth something.”
That is to say, I know I say to take care all the time, but I double mean it now. Try not to worry about us too much, and take whatever time you need. 💜
And before you say I don’t have to pop in and say this, I know that! I don’t have to, but I want to, and I can, so there. :)
Thank you so much 💜
I admit that this year has been more of a rollercoaster than I would have liked. I had very high hopes in terms of how much I would write, draw, and do, but a lot of that hasn't been possible with all of the complications I'm facing. And I'm just really, really tired of it because, in many ways, it feels like I keep making excuses. That, surely, people must get tired of hearing about all the tragedies in my life that, supposedly, make me unable to post fics or function like a normal human being. Surely it must be exaggerated.
Which is a terrible thing to say to yourself, by the way — I'm well aware of that. But knowing that doesn't quite stop the thoughts from popping up, unfortunately. My brain is trying to find someone to blame for all this shit and, unfortunately, I'm the closest, most convenient target.
So thank you for sending this ask. It might not fix the loss itself, but it's incredibly comforting — and humbling — to know that there are people out there who care enough about me to send me messages like this. It feels surreal, almost, but in a good way? And I'm just so very grateful.
And I'll keep that advice in mind. It's a very good one — and very true. And I'm so sorry for your loss, too. I lost both of my remaining grandparents back in 2022 and it was rough. Losing someone you love always is.
So I try to be as patient with myself as I can. Which right now means spending the majority of my time reading fanfics, most of them from fandoms that I haven't touched in ten years. I guess I might be looking for something familiar and comforting? So yeah. Lots of reading.
But I also think about you all a lot and wish I could post chapters and such, because I know you all love them and the thought of being able to make others happy when I'm sad is... well, it would be pretty nice, you know? I like making other people happy. It's just how I'm wired.
But, that said, I trust you when you say I don't have to worry too much. And I trust that my readers mean it when they tell me to take things easy and put my health first. And that, too, is something I'm very grateful for. The kindness, patience, and support I get from you all truly is mindblowing.
So I won't say that you don't have to tell me all of this and will instead just thank you for doing so. It means a lot to me and did make me feel a lot better. Thank you 💜
#Amethystina Replies#wolfandrain#I really am just binge reading fics right now#And should maybe call in sick from work#Because god knows I'm looking and feeling pretty rough right now#The number of times I've spontaneously burst out crying is unnerving#Because that's very out of character for me#But ah well#Also#I don't think I've ever addressed this#But I see you#Those of you who've started using the purple hearts too#In almost all of our interactions#I don't know if it's a conscious thing for all of you#Or just something that happens subconsciously#But it warms my heart all the same#I see what u did there#U speaking my language#My secrit language
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Fighting the battle against the brain weasels tonight, who are busy trying to convince me to do the thing that I know (think? hope?) I'll deeply regret come morning. Not sure if I'm winning or losing right now.
#airas life#the brain sucks sometimes#need to work through whatever is in my head right now#probably shouldn't delete everything I've ever written#and disappear#I actually like most of it you know?#and would be very sad in the morning#I don't think this is burn out#because I'm still enjoying writing and sharing and the process#I just... don't really know what's going on in my brain right now#but I shouldn't make choices like this when sick and tired#I'd say it's time for bed but that would require getting the brain weasels to shut up#and to stop crying#i don't even know why I'm crying#or why I feel this way#came out of nowhere#okay I'm done#I just had to say this somewhere#it was getting suffocating#but who am I supposed to talk to?#anyways the tags felt almost safe#pay no attention to the girl behind the curtain
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