#by commenting negatively on one person's body you do not only hurt the person themselves but everybody with the same body type

[micahthemoon]

May 27 2023 Okay, you know what: I am low key angry about all the buzz that Käärijä is getting for having a normal body. People call him ‘fat’ and having to ‘lose weight’ but to me, he looks muscular and healthy. And it is not just online since I first encountered it irl with two girls calling him ‘Winnie the Pooh’. Do you know how much I’d give to have his body? To have his confidence? He is out there proudly showing his surgical scars and his tummy, and all people can see is that he is not model thin.

[mr-payjay]

flutters eyelashes :) do you have any personality disorder headcanons for clover? or maybe nickel? hope you're doing well!!

Mostly Nickel's Disorders

twitches. twitches. twitches. ok i skipped gleefully in the kitchen getting this ask because i am SO hyperfixated on nickel. here’s a nickel analysis if you wanna read that first but it doesnt go into his pds it just generally analyzes him:

for clover i dont have any disorders in mind BUT i have noticed she has a tendency to fawn or flee (ive always been pulled in by her fawning over nickel considering how much he’s hurt her). today i was watching some iii and i noted that shes a really strange but interesting character—ive paid attention to her before and ive done a bit of analysis (mostly talking about her odd reactions to nickel) but nothing recent. im planning to do some clover analysis after my nickel and balloon rewatch (im rewatching all of ii and taking notes on nickel and balloon respectively as i go along, ive done this with several characters before and i find it super fun). i would maybeee look her over for dependent personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, but Not to diagnose her with the full disorders themselves, more to analyze the dependent and borderline traits she seems to experience (tendencies). also would probably look into adhd or autism or both.

nickel stuff under the cut. it's long. tl;dr you can argue that nickel has hpd, aspd, and npd, but the most important to consider is hpd.

Histrionic Personality Disorder

nickel has hpd, credit to the lovely @t4twerewolves for bringing this up to me in the first place and introducing some of the symptoms he displays! i'll put down his hpd symptoms here and talk about each one.

1. is uncomfortable in situations where they are not the center of attention: yes, nickel is very attention-seeking! you gotta look at him like a school bully. he wants attention, he wants to be seen, he wants people to know who he is. the main point of hpd is that the hpder NEEDS attention. not just wants, but NEEDS. so even if they WANT positive attention, if they believe they can only get negative attention, they will stick with that (i talk about this more in my nickel analysis in the link above). nickel is seen constantly going for this negative attention, TRYING to provoke people, wanting them to get annoyed and Remember he exists and Give him the attention he’s starved for. which brings me to symptom 2.

2. interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior: yes. first of all, provocative in the context of the hpd dsm5 criteria means to provoke someone (as in: annoy people, start little arguments and fights, make jabs, etc.), not to be sexually provocative. in this case, nickel is EXTREMELY provocative. im sure you can think of times in the show where nickel purposely annoys people, but an example i particularly enjoy is in snapshot showdown, where nickel asks balloon why balloon doesnt believe in him. when balloon freaks out and tells nickel hes never believed in HIM (balloon) in the first place, nickel laughs and says he just wanted to see his reaction if he said that. the entire point of making that comment was to provoke balloon and get a big reaction out of him. again, look at nickel like a typical bully: he wants attention and reactions. i also recommend watching waffling about for more explicit examples of this behavior.

3. displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions: yes, nickel is shallow but plays up his reactions to ridiculous extents. a great example of his emotional display also rapidly shifting is in out of body experience, when he yells at clover and blames him for them all having died. he goes from angrily shouting at her with elaborate and theatrical wording about how “twisted fortune granted her wish” to immediately going deadpan and asking others their thoughts on the matter. actually, i’ll provide the clip to make it more obvious just how quick the change is:

he goes from dramatically calling her a privileged murderer to neutrally asking for opinions in an instant. i will say that nickel definitely has some intense feelings about clover (she really pushes him to think about his body and his feelings of inherent worthlessness as a nickel object, for one) but he still displays shallow and puffed up reactions around her and in other situations.

4. consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self: i would argue yes for this too, in fact, but it's often difficult to really go into this symptom since the characters are all objects (though its easier to prove with some characters, such as silver spoon). one thing ive noticed is that most ii hpders, such as lightbulb, paper, nickel, silver spoon, tend to wear things or care about their appearance more than other objects. lightbulb and her silly costumes, paper and his bowtie and santa hat, silver spoon and his skincare routine (and more explicit worries with his appearance)... and at the end of mazed and confused, nickel is wearing a somewhat extravagant outfit (for objects anyway) that he apparently bought with the money he got from scalping tickets. it’s eye-catching and unusual for any character to wear. i could go into his complicated feelings about his body as a nickel object (since it has to do with appearance) but it is technically irrelevant to the actual hpd symptom here and id like to research his self-image as a nickel more before talking about it in depth. either way, nickel cares about his appearance.

5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail: okay so this symptom means vague speech, speech that’s more about emotions and grandness rather than details or logic. hpders often base their opinions off of others (expanded upon in 7.) and an example of that for nickel is with his opinion of balloon. nickel vaguely expresses that balloon is awful, untrustworthy, just terrible in any way. he sticks to this extreme yet unfounded opinion and shuns balloon for ages even though he practically never dealt with balloon at all in s1 (since balloon's behavior there is the main grief the contestants have with him). nickel doesn’t have details to refer to; he’s just going along with what the majority says here. in s3, his opinion changes as he actually spends time with balloon. his speech is also generally confusing to understand. as ive been taking notes on nickel, ive had to stop for several minutes to deconstruct his lines and try to decipher what he’s saying. his manner of speech certainly isn’t precise or to the point. and another example of this symptom is him calling the new thinkers his “enemies at BEST” in best served cold, which is a very extreme (impressionistic) thing to say and clearly not what he actually thinks of them (which is just general dislike at first).

6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion: yes, nickel is QUITE theatrical! i still need to rewatch s2 but ive found many examples in s3. one of my favourites is in tragedy at 60 feet, when tea kettle tries to lure him and balloon into allying with her with hors d’oeuvres, and nickel starts loudly gagging and coughing then yells that he's REPULSED!!! then balloon tells him to calm down. its so unnecessarily dramatic and intense. i love it. there’s another scene in the episode where nickel slips on a banana peel and starts screaming for the doctor to come see him until balloon tells him he's fine, where he calms down immediately. that one's a combination of multiple symptoms (as most are) in fact, with 1. (seeking attention), 3. (rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions), and 6. (dramatic and theatrical behavior).

7. is suggestible (easily influenced by others or circumstances): i talk about this a bit in symptom 5, but nickel goes along with everyone when shunning balloon (and enforces it), despite not really having been affected by him in s1. he’s more contrarian than he is agreeable, but he still feels awkward actually standing out on his own (such as in try not to laugh challenge, where he gets uncomfortable and agitated once everyone disapproves of him for insulting yinyang so harshly) and tends to go for little jabs or arguments that he’s sure he can win (such as yelling at clover, who never fights back) rather than actually standing up for something he believes in. again, remember that he’s like a school bully! he goes for the easy targets and avoids real conflict.

8. considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are: so this is box. there’s some hints of this with balloon and suitcase but it’s more complicated when i could just talk about box. who is the perfect candidate to show this symptom of nickel��s. nickel is convinced box is a real living person. he talks to her about his decisions in the game, he asks for her opinion on things, he talks FOR her and assumes what she’s saying (nothing, in reality), and he even calls her his number one ally. all along, box is. a dead body. there is nothing there. even if box WAS alive but inanimate, this would still be an example of this symptom, because box tries to vote out nickel in s3 and lifering even mentions that box probably doesn’t want to be talked for. nickel thinks there is a close relationship of sorts here, when there is not.

here are some hpd subtypes (Theodore Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2004):

hpd subtypes aren't super relevant anymore by the way, i just like categories. anyway, nickel has disingenuous hpd. which implies antisocial traits! interesting! so let’s take a look at aspd.

Antisocial Personality Disorder

1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest: technically yes. he gets suitcase to steal from meeple in theft and battery, but it IS part of the challenge in the show, so… that one's only a so-so for me. nickel also scalps people online, which isn’t illegal, but it is pretty lame. he tends to repeat these sorts of almost-illegal actions without going too far into breaking the rules (like using the pic-nix tables even though he’s banned), so we can infer that he doesn’t particularly respect authority but he IS still afraid of consequences and doesn’t have much desire to do more illegal things. he also tries to kill clover which is pretty illegal but it’s played comedically so im not sure how to interpret that? i still consider it an indication of this symptom, of course. overall, id say 1. ends up being a yes, mostly because i keep thinking of examples that fit just enough. he's clearly got the mindset.

2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit and pleasure: yes, nickel lies several times in ii, sometimes very blatantly (eg in best served cold, mephone asks nickel if the pie is two half-mile high pies stacked on top of each other, and nickel deadpans “No.”). he lies in theft and battery about suitcase’s willingness to steal for them. he cons others online through scalping for personal profit, buying an expensive outfit with the money he gets from it. he tricks suitcase into thinking he’s giving balloon a chance in kick the bucket, when he’s truly just setting them both up to fail. he’s fine with deceiving others.

3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead: yes, nickel is pretty impulsive with his reactions, making them more exaggerated than they need to be (eg trying to kill clover in snapshot showdown) and not always planning ahead, just in his general behavior… an amusing example is the challenge in snapshot showdown beginning and nickel immediately running at top speed face first into the camera cabinet.

4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults: yes and no. nickel is very irritable and verbally aggressive, but he doesn’t often physically hurt people (since the symptom says “repeated” im keeping this in mind), since he does try to kill and injure clover but as far as i remember that's his only direct physical assault on someone. he also automatically dislikes most people (eg in best served cold where he calls the new thinkers his “enemies at best”) and is easily annoyed by others.

5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others: yes. using theft and battery again as an example, he puts suitcase in danger when forcing her to steal from meeple. he also tries to kill clover (and ends up injuring himself when he tests the trap with his foot, which one could say is reckless). im probably forgetting other examples.

6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations: not as far as i can see it. he does disregard safety, but he doesn't fall behind on obligations or anything. does fine in challenges.

7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another: id argue no. nickel feels guilty for making clover cry in title tbd (though it’s subtle: just a quick look after she runs away crying and a worried expression during the elimination when clover is being voted out) but he never actually apologizes to her. however, we know that apologizing is very hard for nickel, as we see in the scene in tragedy at 60 feet where he apologizes to tea kettle and balloon for his behavior in the episode (this doesn’t excuse him from not apologizing to clover for what he’s done to her, it just explains how nickel may feel remorse without ever doing anything about it). nickel shows remorse in the scene i just mentioned with tea kettle and balloon. he also shows remorse later on, apologizing to balloon in the great bluish bake off (even if i don’t care for the therapyspeak writing of this scene, nickel’s feelings here are still genuine). i can’t say if he feels remorse for what he did to suitcase or not, but with the evidence of other scenes here, i would say he probably secretly does.

so yes, nickel does technically qualify for aspd (at least 3 symptoms). but let’s just check a bit more. for funsies. the basis of aspd is mainly (as far as i know it) a need for autonomy and a lack of respect towards authority. he pretty much never respects authority (stealing from meeple, calling mephone insulting names, being very rude to tea kettle who we can infer is older than him, etc.). for need for autonomy, he does tend to avoid most people and is easily irritated by others, but he isn’t averse to having friends or depending on others like balloon or baseball. it’s pretty hard to gain his trust though, and he tends to stay loyal to the one person he chooses to respect. which can actually be a behavior some aspders have (respecting one or two people who feel Special and Deserving of it). in the end? i think it’s more fun to interpret nickel with aspd than not. if anyone wants to support or dispute this claim, feel free to talk about it in the comments or my askbox :) aspd is a personality disorder i know less about!

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

now, ive mentioned nickel having narcissistic tendencies before, but ive only ever looked him over for npd briefly and concluded he doesn’t have it. but its fun to recheck things. and since im already here, i’ll do an npd assessment of nickel too.

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (eg exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements): somewhat. nickel generally sees himself as inferior (which is normal for many npders), which i talk about more in my initial analysis at the top of this post in the context of his canon feelings of worthlessness. he tries to compensate for this in s2 in particular, turning himself into the leader of the armless alliance and forcing them to recognize him as superior. as far as i remember, he does not significantly exaggerate his achievements or talents.

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: yes. he becomes quite the tyrant in s2 to the armless alliance, relishing the little power he has and becoming quite agitated whenever he loses it (eg straight up threatening suitcase during the elimination in kick the bucket because he’s trying so hard to hold onto his power). he also enjoys being the director of the new thinkers in title tbd, and is charmed by them actually listening to him (until he remembers clover’s luck that was given to him). there’s also the “Oh, the things I’ll do for money…” line in stranded in paradise and the fact that he decks himself out in expensive clothes in mazed and confused, implying fantasies about riches as well.

3. believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions): somewhat. i would argue that though nickel only respects very certain people (and still only to a limited extent), it’s more in an aspd way than an npd way. baseball and balloon aren’t high-status in any way, but they’ve EARNED his respect (although limited), which is another thing entirely than the npd symptom of wanting to associate with “worthy” people.

4. requires excessive admiration: no. nickel dislikes most people and accepts being disliked; he just needs attention, negative or positive. he does ENJOY admiration (title tbd is a great example of this, as he talks about wanting to be genuinely valued by others) but he does not require it in the same way someone like, say, silver spoon does. i believe he’s like most people are about admiration.

5. has a sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations): yes. in s2, he’s used to being listened to by the armless alliance, and becomes angry when he’s defied (eg being annoyed by suitcase befriending balloon in kick the bucket and tricking her into having balloon fail the challenge). in s3, though he’s not as entitled as he was before, he still insists on doing things his way (such as when he goes off to take photos of clover in snapshot showdown) or is ready to argue about it (such as when he openly asks to hear objections to him becoming the director in title tbd and is surprised when everyone agrees to it).

6. is interpersonally exploitative (takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends): yes. you can most clearly see this with nickel and suitcase in s2. a concrete example could be forcing suitcase to steal in theft and battery (I KNOW, im using this example AGAIN, it’s just a really messed up thing to do okay. it's a good example for many symptoms).

7. lacks empathy, is unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (yes i changed the writing of this one slightly): yes. nickel clearly does not empathize with suitcase, balloon, clover, or others. he forces suitcase to comply with his demands while looking down on her for her kindness to balloon and her meekness. he shuns and puts down balloon without considering his attempts to redeem himself for a long time. he tries to hurt clover and yells at her multiple times, only realizing some of her pain when she runs away crying after he Literally screams that she’s a murderer. nickel still feels guilt and remorse, but he struggles to understand others’ feelings nevertheless.

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them: yes. nickel envies clover in a weird way (i still need to analyze it more), calling her privileged and lucky despite not actually wanting the luck for himself in the end. he’s unsatisfied with himself as a nickel object, being quite literally a low-worth object and becoming visibly upset at seeing dime in fff nickel for your thoughts. he’s afraid of being below others and envies those who might feel better than him on a level he can’t work around, like clover being born endlessly lucky and dime having more worth than him as an object.

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes: yes. nickel looks down on people and generally dislikes them. he insults and makes jabs at people and struggles to see them as separate entities with feelings (lack of empathy), placing himself in a superior mental ranking. it’s kind of odd with nickel because his sense of worthlessness REEKS throughout the series (like you can easily spot it), but really, that IS how npd often works, isn’t it? he feels inferior and therefore decides that At Least everyone is actually way dumber and worse than him. making him superior in the end.

that’s 7 out of 9 (im counting “somewhat” as 0.5 each), which is enough to qualify for npd (minimum 5). congratulations nickel!

well this took me a few very very fun hours. quite the mental workout though. thank you very much for asking! my conclusion is that nickel has hpd (8/8), aspd (4.5/7), and npd (7/9), hpd being the most important. and though i don’t exactly think clover has any personality disorders, i recommend looking into causes and behaviors associated with dpd and bpd, since some of her actions line up with some of those traits.

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[novelcain]

I meant like, the whole homophobia/transphobia thing, unless China was very accepting of enbys. Idk I don't really do history.

OOOOOOHHHH!!! Sorry I have a big dumb Skittle brain and am incapable of reading between the lines when it comes to nonverbal communication. 😅 Ok ok I did some research on this just now so I could give an accurate (as much as I can but I'm no expert for sure) answer.

And that answer is... it depends.

China has a very long history regarding sexually and its views of sex have shifted a LOT from one era to another. But for this post, we'll focus on the Tang Dynasty because that is the time period JTTW is set in (tho which time period of the Tang Dynasty is unclear)

So I'll start by saying that the Tang Dynasty was notoriously open about sex and sexual desires and homosexually was accepted in ancient but only in certain situations. Usually homosexuality or simply non-straight behavior was only accepted and allowed within the upper class. For example most if not all (I'm not too sure) Chinese emperors had several male lovers and they didn't hide it as it was often revered with great admiration.

NOW as far as gender orientation goes. This would HIGHLY depend on the person and their beliefs as during this period China was dominated by 2 religions Taoism and Buddhism.

Taoism was the official religion of the Tang Dynasty and states that nature is perfect as is and by proxy some believe that would mean they view transgenderism as a flaw of nature while most Taoists themselves do not view transgenderism negatively as the Tao is pretty unconcerned with identity and focuses on virtue and coming to accept things as they were born in nature. Therefore I think the only thing that would even remotely be said against transgenderism from a Taoist standpoint is that you shouldn't feel the need to change your body to reflect your mind. Conclusion: ancient Taoism would likely accept transgenderism so long as you don't pursue gender affirming surgery.

Now while the official religion of China at the time was Taoism, many emperors highly favored Buddhism and that can even be believed of the emperor described in JTTW.

That being said. Buddhism believes that the body is a cage that traps the spirit in suffering and should therefore be distanced from as much as possible. HOWEVER! The Buddha himself said that while you should try to separate yourself from the Earthly Realm one's body should be used as a tool of awakening, and given that awakening in to find Nirvana, one could argue that pursuing your gender identity is simply using your body to reflect your soul and therefore is good. But honestly Buddhists are pretty chill and as long as you ain't hurting anyone or anything I HIGHLY doubt a true Buddhist would care what you do so long as you live amicably. Conclusion: transgenderism would likely be cool with about 99% of Buddhists even in ancient China.

Overall conclusion: MOST people probably wouldn't care, though these are ancient times, so I'd really read the room before offering any info about being gender nonconforming or nonbinary. Having said that, the worst thing you'd have to do is pretend to be whatever gender you most closely resemble. But honestly I think a lot about how it'd be best to pretend to be a man when traveling as they are much less likely to be attacked, assaulted, or hate crimed.

So again, in situations like these you need to be flexible and willing to present as something you aren't. And while that can be hard, I feel like dying via whatever brutal death an extreme transphobe can think of is a lot harder. So if you play your cards right the most a nonbinary reader would get is probably some nasty comments and a few even nastier looks. Tho both could easily be corrected by Tripitaka explaining they shouldn't do that and that isn't what Buddhism believes if the person is a Buddhist and if that doesn't work or they aren't Buddhist then a few sharp glares from the Great Sage Equal to Heaven should be more than enough to get them to knock it the fuck off. Tho if you're good at talking people over to your side then they probably wouldn't even need to step in.

As for how the group would take it, I think they'd all accept it rather quickly after you explain what being enby is with maybe the exception of Bajie who just truly doesn't understand so you'd just have to explain the concept of other genders to him a few times.

I hope this answers your question at least somewhat 😊

[nyxvamps]

Children of The Rivers of The Underworld:

All:

- one of their children’s powers, like many children of the underworld, is manipulating darkness and shadows. such as shadow traveling or making them tangible.

- they are usually less likely to attract monsters and other beings that can sense demigods because of this sense of danger that they put off. not only do they have more ‘dark’ powers, their godly parent is also a more dangerous and cruel being to mess with than an olympian god or goddess.

- they don’t usually make it to camp half blood because of this and they are more likely to live in the mortal world unbothered or staying with their godly parent in the godly society within the underworld.

(i had some trouble thinking of things for some of the rivers so if yall have any ideas, feel free to comment them)

Styx:

- the children of Lady Styx are naturally stoic and no nonsense. they prefer honesty and genuinity within their relationships

- on that note, they are some of the most trustworthy friends you will ever have because they always keep their word.

- they can hold a grudge like no other. they will never forget the wrongs you’ve done to them or others

- be careful when making promises with these people because sometimes, they can actually hold you to your word no matter what you do to get out of it.

- they can also tell when someone is lying or making false promises. you can’t get away with anything with these guys.

- they remember everything. from big life changing moments to that time you tripped getting out of your car 3 years ago.

- they can easily bath in the styx itself without pain but it does not effect them the same way it would other beings. it doesn’t make them invincible against outside attacks permanently it it can make them very hard to harm for a short amount of time.

- they can do this to themselves without the styx but it only lasts minutes at most. very good for moments when you need to avoid getting hurt at just the right moment.

Cocytus:

- the children of Lord (?) Cocytus may be some of the most dangerous when pushed to use their full powers.

- yes, pain and misery can be next to impossible to deal with, but when you feel grief, this all encompassing grief, it can make you give up. and that’s when you know it’s over.

- these children can make you feel grief for things you know you would never do or see. people you haven’t even lost. opportunities you never had. it will take over your every thought and drive you to nothing.

- coincidentally, they are really good at hiding their own grief and feelings when necessary. they are also, really good at

- they also have control over cold and ice. some say that this river was like a cold river of ice and their children have expressed that in their powers.

Phlegethon:

- the children of Lord Phlegethon are some of the most unpredictable when it comes to personality and morals.

- as the river burns out impurities from the body, these people tend to want to ‘burn’ impurities, or injustices, within the world around them. now there is no set list of what is considered unjust because everyone has their own moral codes so these children could become the world’s greatest hero or its most greatest villain.

- they have control over fire and it tends to move like water.

- now it can act like normal fire. burning things, cooking, heating, etc. or it can be used to heal. just like the river does. it is painful but it works almost as good as having the actual water from the river there.

- they can bring you physical pain with the blink of an eye. it starts with initial eye contact but afterwards they just need to keep you within a certain distance.

- they can make mental pain happen as well. think of a time when it was like your heart hurt from being so sad and depressed about an event or interaction and then times that by 100. it will make you wish for death.

Acheron:

- The children of Lord Acheron have great control over negative feelings. as the river of misery, they can bring forth these horrible feelings in others.

- they themselves tend to have neutral, somber personalities. while they themselves might not feel misery, they know exactly how it feels and how it makes others feel

- they can ruin your mental state so quickly. looking into their eyes as they activate their powers is a sure way to become so depressed and distressed that you see no reason to live anymore.

- these children tend to have some control over winds and air currents. (the river was known as the ‘windy river’)

- they can also put off an aura that makes those in its range feel horrible. it can be both physical and mental.

Lethe:

- The children of Lady Lethe actually have very good memories. it’s just sometimes that information escapes them or they can be oblivious sometimes.

- they can cause forgetfulness in others, usually for short periods of time. it takes a lot of personal energy to make it permanent

- they can make people forget certain things instead of their entire memory. so if they did something stupid infront of you, it’s gone in seconds.

- they’re the type of people that will remind you of things (names, events, appointments) you keep forgetting even when you don’t remember telling them about certain things.

- the lethe does not work on them at all. for it to work they would need to be submerged and consume the waters. even their mother does not know why

- lethe children tend to have dreams of the past often. as the lethe is where the dead drink to forget their pasts, sometimes those memories appear in the dreams of her children.

- children of Lady Lethe can also alter memories. it can be challenging but they could potentially alter what you remember of past events and interaction.

[poisonnxkki]

Astrology & Living With The Planets🪐

What is Astrology?

Have you ever heard someone comment on a certain zodiac? Maybe you've heard people complain about mercury being in retrograde. Both of these comments have to do with astrology. Astrology is the belief that the movement and relative positions of celestial bodies influence our daily lives and the world around us (google).

Astrology has a long and varied history. The form we see today is one of many different styles that have persisted throughout the centuries. Astrology or rather astronomy (the study of celestial objects and phenomena) is believed to be the oldest of the scientific disciplines. Western astrology was used for two distinct purposes, introspection (how celestial bodies affect the individual) and divination (usually for political purposes).

Their Role in Your Destiny:

Not everyone believes in astrology and that's okay. I like to think of astrology as another tool in your toolbox but if it doesn't resonate with you, there are tons of other things out there. Having an understanding of your personal chart can be enlightening for some people. They may feel that they are better able to understand themselves and others using this method as a backbone. As long as tools like this aren't taking over a person’s discernment then they can be fun skills to develop.

There are 12 zodiacs in total and each possesses different characteristics. Depending on which planet and/or house they fall into, their effects will change. According to Joanna Martine Woolfolk "each planet has a specific influence in astrology and governs a certain area of your personality or your approach to life." whereas the houses "represent a specific function of your life" (from The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need). Together, these 3 properties form the basis of you're personal birth chart and are the means by which astrologers predict you're personality traits, compatibility and destiny. Depending on how avidly you choose to study astrology, it can get much more complicated than what I've stated above (just a heads up!).

Beyond the Individual:

If you choose to look up your birth chart online, then you will likely run into another chart. This chart (or sometimes a table called an ephemeris) depicts the current position of the celestial bodies. The study of this chart is called mundane astrology and is traditionally used to predict world events, cultural trends and political movements on a global scale. This area of astrology is also used to forecast monthly and yearly horoscopes.

It is believed that the current motion of celestial bodies influence both our daily lives and the world around us. These observations are what cause people to say "well people are acting like that because mercury is in retrograde right now". What the term "retrograde" is referring to is "the apparent backwards motion of a planet travelling through the zodiac...which in classical astrology was considered weak and a negative influence" (from The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need). A key characteristic of mercury's retrograde is an inability or difficulty to communicate clearly. However, some people attest out-of-character behaviour (like the desire to impulsively cut your hair, drastically change your appearance, etc) to retrograde activity.

Astrology has it's benefits but it should not be used to justify hurtful or malicious behaviour. I, personally, don't really use astrology for anything beyond the individual. This is partly because I'm no expert and partly because I don't utilize astrology in my day-to-day life. I am cautious of people who chalk everything up to how the planets are moving. My advice to anyone who is interested in mundane astrology is; remember that the planets are an influence, not an excuse.

*images are from Pinterest*

🖤Astrology depicted in art:

🖤History of Astrology (Warning: the article is an academic paper written in 1984 so it's a bit old but was really interesting and I wanted to share it anyways):

🖤For all things astrology:

[rachellequiros]

THE TWO FACES OF SOCIAL PLATFORMS (Good &Bad)

Youth's wellbeing and mental health are influenced by social media in ways that are good and bad.Social media offers numerous advantages to youth, including the opportunity for creative expression, educational possibilities, and the chance to interact with others. However, social media can also have negative impacts on the mental and physical well-being of students.

Why is social media good?

We have more connectivity and convenience thanks to social media, such as:

• keeping in touch with loved ones all across the world via email, SMS, FaceTime, etc.

• Easy access to research and information

• Bill payment and banking at our fingertips

• Participation in social responsibility (fundraising, promoting social awareness, giving a voice) and online learning, work skills, and content discovery (on YouTube).

• Powerful promotional tools

• Possibilities for working remotely.

Therefore, technology and social media make our lives easier, but we should use them in moderation. Social media can be beneficial, but teenagers should trust their own feelings and call out a trusted adult if they ever feel uneasy about something they read or see there. This person could be a parent, a teacher, or another trusted adult. Social media bullying, threats, and violence are all indications that the individual who did it needs support.

Why is social media bad and what is the disadvantages of using social media?

•Lacks Emotional Connection

•Gives People a License to be Hurtful

•Decreases Face-to-Face Communication Skills

•Conveys Inauthentic Expression of Feelings

•Diminishes Understanding and Thoughtfulness

•Causes Face-to-Face Interactions to Feel Disconnected

•Facilitates Laziness

•Creates a Skewed Self-Image

•Reduces Family Closeness

•Causes Distractions

With all of its benefits, the nature of social media presents a range of potential issues.

Online vs. reality: Social media itself is not the problem. It is the way people use it in place of actual communication and in-person socializing. "Friends" on social media may not actually be friends and may even be strangers. Increased usage. The more time spent on social media, the more it can lead to cyberbullying, social anxiety, depression, and exposure to content that is not age-appropriate. Social Media is addicting. When you’re playing a game or accomplishing a task, you seek to do it as well as you can. Once you succeed, your brain will give you a dose of dopamine and other happiness hormones, making you happy. The same mechanism functions when you post a picture to Instagram or Facebook. Once you see all the notifications for likes and positive comments popping up on your screen, you’ll subconsciously register them as a reward. But that’s not all; social media is full of mood-modifying experiences and self-image issues. Social media sites provide tools that allow people to earn others’ approval for their appearance and the possibility to compare themselves to others. It can be associated with body image concerns. The "selfieholics" and people who spend most of their time posting and scrolling are the ones most vulnerable to this.

In fact, most college girls who use Facebook at least five times a day are likely to link their self-worth to their looks. That doesn’t mean that the main problem is social media; it only provides a medium for it, which further elevates the problem. It also promotes the same sort of behavior in others.

[hoghtastic]

“We went to school with Chucky. I personally appreciate people pointing out that body shaming and stuff like that is shit, but in this case be assured: reading all this solely feels like karma doing it's work.”

I actually don’t know about that. It seems a little too convenient that “you went to school with chucky” as we are talking about her alleged behavior in school. This is one of those things an anon said about “taking everything with a grain of salt”. I really don’t believe you, as this could be another one of Alex’s bored fans trying to “confirm” a rumor that’s going around (and was most definitely started by fans around the same time as the other blog posted that ask) all you have to do is check the dates, and if you were around on that blog at the time of the rumors starting you would know that. But unfortunately people would rather be bullies because they like a celebrity that they can’t have so they have to make other people look bad or crazy (because deep down they know that’s what they are) this blog isn’t even relevant enough for many people to know about (stated by the admin themselves) if it was, there would be several people in his comments “warning” Alex about his “awful” girlfriend, not just the 1 lana account, or the account spamming gifs, which I’m pretty sure are the same person. And the only reason the admin wants you to “please not” spam his posts with that type of stuff is because they know this blog is wrong, and if Alex or johanne found out about it, it would most likely get deleted. Hope that helps 😙

Anon to anon, in response to this ask. 😊

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, and you’re absolutely right — you’re within your right not to trust everything you read online. But I believe everyone around here already knows that and it’s up to them to decide for themselves what to believe or not. However, stating one’s opinions (or even stories) on a gossip blog doesn’t make anyone a bully. Bullying would be to personally attack/harass Johanne, Alex and/or anyone related to them, or inciting others to do so. Which I personally do not condone.

Now please, do not pretend to know me or my motivations and do not twist my intentions. The reason I advise people not to “spam his posts with that type of stuff” is because I personally don’t agree with it, as it can be considered bullying, as aforementioned. I know how to separate things, and believe that it’s one thing to have an opinion and discuss it among ourselves, where it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it’s another thing to actually go and take the time to spread negativity/hate on their pages. To put it simply, let’s make a parallel with the physical world — think of this blog as a tea house, where friends and like-minded people gather to discuss things and voice their opinions, in a fun, judgment-free, lighthearted way. No one’s harming anyone at the end of the day, so it would be okay. However, would it be okay for any of us to enter Johanne’s house and tell her “I don’t like you, because you did so and so… and you’re ugly, and your attitude sucks!”? Would you do that to a neighbour you don’t like? Or would you just choose to ignore them and go about your day, occupying your time with more pleasant things? So, this is my reasoning behind advising people against doing that on her IG. Do you have to agree with it? Absolutely not! At the end of the day, I’m not anyone’s mother or teacher, so you’re totally free to ignore my advice. I’m only responsible for my beliefs and my own actions anyway. 🤷‍♀️

But as you can see, none of it has to do with knowing that this blog is “wrong” or being afraid of Alex & Johanne not liking it. As long as there are celebrities, there will always be gossip blogs and magazines, some more relevant than others. Do you truly believe celebrities like those? I bet most of them really don’t, especially when the news/gossip aren’t flattering, but the public does, and continues to engage with them. So as long as there’s interest, such spaces will always exist. Besides, if things got deleted or ceased to exist just because someone has a problem with them, there wouldn’t be many blogs, books, movies, tv shows, artwork, etc… around anyway. 🤷‍♀️ It’s impossible to please everyone at the same time, and that’s a fact. What’s also a fact is that the only one with power to delete the blog (besides myself) is Tumblr, and according to its guidelines, there’s nothing wrong with this blog. As long as I’m aware, I’m living in a free country (and assume you are too), where freedom of speech is everyone’s right. No rules are being infringed — I personally checked, and you’re free to do so as well. Hope that helps. 😘

(And if you really think this blog is so “wrong”, wouldn’t it be wiser to find some other content which is more “right” for you? Or is being here some kind of guilty pleasure? 😉)

[killuachii]

I feel ashamed of dying.

An Itzy One Shot

Member: Chaeryeong

Concept: Feeling trapped in life, nowhere to go, no ambitions.

POV: Chaeryeong.

Sometimes I wish I could stop dreaming, because even my dreams show me dystopian things. I am a restless body. I am searching for recognition. The recognition everyone seems to get except me. Aren't I worth it? Everyone is moving on, while I am still stuck in the rat race. When will it be my time? When will people look at me and cheer for my existence? All I get is jealousy and hate.

I want to be free for once. I want to feel like I belong. I don't want to think "Why not me?", when I see them so loved and happy. I want to be happy too, but I could never tell anyone. I avoid my own feelings by chewing them down. But sometimes I can't swallow every emotion, sometimes it's too hard.

This time I bit off more than I can chew. Those negative emotions jump out of my mouth as if I am vomiting them. As if they don't belong in me and I agree. I wasn't born for these negative emotion. Every human was born out of love and for love. So why can't they love me? In your eyes I am nothing. I am a nobody longing for the title somebody. I am a body without shape or form. I live because I have to, not because I want to.

Everything is in shambles, only because I chose to believe everyone is good deep down. But I was wrong. I can't help but still believe that everyone is good, even though they hurt me. I believe they are hurt too. Instead of trying to fix the hurt, to live a life worth living, they break me down with that same hurt. They direct their hate towards me. They are envious of me. All they have is themselves, but at the same time aren't I as lonely as them? Should I follow in their steps and convert the hurt to hate? No, I don't have the heart in me to hate anybody, not even myself. But why do I still feel anger towards me, Lee Chaeryeong?

I know Lee Chaeryeong as someone who is ambitious and kind. Someone who tends to lie, when things get bad so she doesn't worry anyone. Someone who is naive and trusts people a lot, just to be disappointed and hurt. I resent Lee Chaeryeong because I am her. I know her every emotion. I know everything about her because after all I am her. But why are people resenting her, without even knowing her? It's jealousy.

I still believe Lee Chaeryeong will become someone great, I can't seem to stop loving her, even though I resent her so much. I am a hypocrite.

Everything in me is gray and dried out. Why do I feel so guilty? It isn't my fault everyone hates me. Everyone around me is the culprit not me. But why do I still feel so guilty?

Lee Chaeryeong is a selfish person. She doesn't care about anyone. She is ugly and worthless. She has no talent.

I came to realisation that I could only lose. As I was looking into the mirror I didn't recognise Lee Chaeryeong anymore. Who was this person in front of me? Why don't I know her? Who is she? Who am I? I don't know anymore. I lost myself and feel ashamed about it. I am ashamed I died.

∆∆∆

Another oneshot that has been in my drafts since last year :(

This story follows Chaeryeong through a depressive episode, where she feels lonely, sad and confused on what or who she is. She feels disgusted by the comments her haters make and it made her start to think the same. Looking at the other members not getting the same hate as her, she starts to feel isolated. She gulps down any emotion that could make her lash out on everybody. She believes everyone deserves kindness but at the same time she is conflicted because no one shares the same view as her. At the end she doesn't even recognise herself through all the hate she has received. She started to transform into the hate comments.

With this story I tried to symbolize that everyone can talk poorly about you, but you yourself see the real you. However, if you believe these hateful comments you will start seeing you transform into the form people want to push you to. This transformation shows that you were never what they told you you were. If you were all these things, you wouldn't transform into them.

thank you for reading!!!!!

[thepsychologytemple]

The end doesn't justify the means

The transgender collective is one of the most full of people with mental health problems. People who practically live online and who, the second they read a negative comment, or get rejected, or become incels, hate themselves, can't get over it, can't breathe, can't live. And they need so much help. They're angry they don't feel right in their bodies. They're sad they can't find true love like they see others find. And they hurt so badly when they don't like their reflection in the mirror. They're isolated by family and friends who don't understand, and end up living online, believing everything they read. They think pills, surgeries, and convincing the world to act like they don't have problems will be the solution, but they're wrong. They don't even want to listen to therapists and doctors who're just trying to help, so they campaign so that they're not lawfully forced to see a doctor before transitioning.

You becoming full of hate, cancelling people and threatening them is not going to help them. Hate has never saved a life. They need love. They need a lot of medical help, therapy, counselling... Many transmen are simply women sick of sexism who believe life would've been better as men. Many transwomen are just men who don't feel they fit in with other men, that perhaps it's be better to be a woman. Only a small percentage of the collective are actually simply trans individuals who are mentally healthy and in full mental capacity to decide to transition. But those who aren't so lucky are in desperate need for mental health professionals who help them heal their minds before they can decide to transition. Life-changing decisions can only be made with a health heart and mind, it's the only way to ensure you won't regret something you won't be able to help.

A lot of these damaged individuals cannot withstand the idea that there's something wrong with them, because there's so much prejudice about mental health problems. You say you've got depression or something and it's like you're less than everyone else all of a sudden. People don't accept that it's simply illness, conditions, disorders, that have treatments, that can be improved, but you need to accept them first and to understand having a problem doesn't mean you're less good than anyone else. Would you be ashamed of saying you've got cancer? no. So don't be ashamed to say you're mentally ill. It's OK. There's help. But you have to accept it.

Instead, they're advocating to remove requirements of health evaluations before transitioning. And then they're trying to convince you that you're a bad person for the fandoms, books, people you like and support. That you are killing them. But it's not you. What's killing them is poor mental health. What's killing them is people who actually tell them to kill themselves, people who won't hire them for who they are, or who'll actually murder them in the streets. Not your love for Harry Potter. And if it does, it says more about the depth of their health issues, than it says anything bad about you.

Do not support a movement based on hatred. Do not support a movement that all the time tells people to kill themselves. That actively threatens you with death, rape, abuse and assault. That makes you feel you want to die. That makes you feel guilty just for loving say, Harry Potter, when you've done nothing wrong. Love can NEVER be wrong. They say the end justifies the means. That the people you're torturing don't deserve to live in the first place. That they're horrible TERFs. But they're wrong. Ask yourself, how often have you heard of any supposed Terf who's taken a knife against a trans people? And how often have you heard a supposd Terf simply beg for trans people to have access to mental health help? Since when is wanting people to be helped by professionals a bad thing? Since when is having love and passion for a fandom a bad thing? And since when are collectives who campaign with hatred, who threaten left and right, the good side of history?

Who are you to judge? Who are you to decide who lives and who dies? Who are you to decide some people deserve life and love, but others, it's your duty to threaten them and kill them?

You know, Hitler turned Europe upside down because he kept telling people that Jews were a cancer of society. That they deserved to die. They started by simply saying they should scrub the streets with toothbrushes, and people didn't think that was so bad. They laughed. They taunted the Jews because it seemed innocent fun. And look where it ended.

If you weren't so far-removed from the world in the US, if you were more aware of Nazism, you wouldn't let anyone brainwash you and put hatred, guilt and the responsibility for others' lives into your hearts. The only people responsible for life and death are politicians, doctors, cops and firefighters and other health and safety workers. Not you. Not kids online. The end doesn't justify the means. Don't let them put darkness into your hearts. Don't become instruments of hatred and violence and threats. Don't let what happened with Nazism happen to you.

[discyours]

Long ask incoming. Hello, I had a question to ask. I'm asking here since I know radfem blogs can be biased and I'm not looking for an exclusively anti-male response, I think. I know you're not really ex-radfem in the way one might expect, but I thought you'd understand the dilemma better. TW: I did talk about some trauma here, not with the intent to trauma-dump but to give context. Hope that's okay. The question/thought: How much does trauma shape someone into being gender non-conforming? I wonder if many of us are gender conforming have trauma that make it hard for us to integrate into society, and we've had to cope by adopting masculine (or feminine for men) personas.

I'm a young woman who had an adverse childhood. Ever since I was a child, I had a negative association with being female due to the unfair expectations placed upon me as the only daughter with two brothers. I also had a difficult relationship with both parents, who never dealt with their own traumas. My mother didn’t teach me much about being a woman beyond what was expected of a wife, and she would comment to her friends about me being masculine. She even objectified me to them, which made me feel uncomfortable. My father was the typical angry, verbally abusive, and sometimes creepy man, hurting me more times than I can count. I grew to resent both of them.

Growing up in that environment, I adopted a masculine persona to survive. In my mid-teens, I identified as male to escape my trauma and social expectations but it fell through. I switched to radical feminism which gave me a lot to think of but also worsened my discomfort/dislike of being female. It didn’t offer any real solutions for living a fulfilling life while being aware of the challenges women face. I still felt bad.

Now, I feel stuck. I want to be appealing to men, but I hate the expectations placed on me as a woman and the fact that only men get to live in their natural state without consequences. Am I being unreasonable? I know men can’t control what they’re attracted to, but I also can’t accept the idea that it’s normal for women to have to modify themselves to be accepted. How do I balance my desire to live authentically with the reality of these expectations? PS: Your post about the radfem to tradfem pipeline resonated with me. I was dabbling with tradcon content after I left and it was okay for some time but I'm back in the funk since I can't be like them. It's way too uncomfortable. I'm a straight woman, by the way. What do I do?

I feel like it's reasonable to assume that trauma can make some people more resistant to social norms (as rejecting them feels like a form of regaining control over their lives/bodies) and femininity can be one of those social norms, but it still feels weird to say "gender nonconformity can be a trauma response" because that poses it as a contrast to the "healthy" default, and there is obviously nothing inherently healthy about performing femininity. It's also pretty common to go the other way and be more comfortable with putting on a mask of femininity than the average person would be, whether it be because of trauma of feeling punished for nonconformance, feeling more protected with a more artificial appearance, or just dissociating to the point where altering themselves to fit the societal ideal doesn't feel like it has any downsides. I'm in that position as I'm answering this so if you were hoping for an answer from a GNC woman I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you.

I have to admit I do not understand your dilemma of wanting to be attractive to men but not wanting to alter yourself. Isn't male sexualisation virtually inescapable? I don't actually know any "category" of women who are universally unattractive to men. Most straight men will state that they prefer for women to shave their body hair and "put some effort into their appearance", will pretend that this is a neutral preference not influenced by society, and will present this unsolicited opinion to women who are not even remotely trying to seduce them, which is endlessly frustrating. But there's also always the men who announce the fact that they do find [pubic hair/overweight women/missing limbs/being 4'8 or 6'5/being a misandrist/having chron's disease/working a blue collar job/only showering once a week/exclusively wearing men's clothes/literally anything else on the planet that you can think of] extremely attractive. Surely there's plenty of straight men who fall somewhere inbetween the categories of fetishising gender nonconformity and being outright disgusted by it? Maybe I'm biased because a lot of the male attention I've received in my life has been unwanted but I just cannot imagine feeling the need to put effort into attracting straight men as a woman. They're attracted to virtually anything with a vagina, not just ultra artificial performances of femininity.

[my-ed-thoughts]

Another thing that I just can‘t let go is how people always have commented on my weight.

Wether it was my grandma that made negative comments when I was at my biggest or my mom that told me off for eating a lot as a kid. I know they didn‘t mean any harm and I love them both dearly and they love me as well but it still hurt my soul.

I just wonder if they ever asked themselves WHY I was the way that I am. Personally I think it all stems from my relationship with my dad. Spoiler: it‘s not a good one.

Don‘t get me wrong, I love my dad maybe even more than he deserves but that is another story. Since he lives in another city with a new family and only ever visits us twice a year I probably tried to fill the hole in my heart with food and no one ever noticed that.

I have to admit ever since I lost weight the first time, no one from my family made a negative comment about my body even when I gained weight again.

People did comment on my weightloss in a positive way in school but it always made me uncomfortable. That is not a topic I want to discuss and if I do, let me be the first to bring it up.

From all the comments about my body I still remember three comments like it was yesterday.

1. When I was at my smallest my friend said that I need to lose weight at my stomach. Like I wasn‘t already going to the Gym three times a week and I sadly have loose skin so I will never have a perfect body…

2. Also when I was at my smallest a dude I was partying with at a club randomly told me that if I lose 5kg more I‘ll be „bomb“. Ouch… After that I avoided hanging out with him because I was so hurt.

3. At a party in October 2021 I met a dude that I haven‘t seen since the end of 2019 when I was at my smallest. In 2021 I have gained about 10kg and he asked me why I gained weight… I‘m not sure what made him ask that or what answer he wanted to hear. Because I’m mentally ill and have an eating disorder?

I generally don‘t get why people always have to comment other peoples bodies.

And what I hate the most is that the people that love you will lie straight to your face and tell that no one cares and thinks twice if they see me in a bikini when I open up that I’m scared what people think of me. And then turn around and call people fat to insult them or make fun of bigger bodies. How do you think that makes me feel?

I always worry that if I do something to upset you, you‘ll think that I‘m a stupid fat bitch. And I know I can‘t trust anyone not to do that.

[herculesgarcia]

Unbeknownst to Yalina, there was also a certain darkness inside of Hércules. Not anger; the few times he had felt angry, it had passed. Like strong winds moving the clouds, they only stayed still for a few seconds, before continuing their way and eventually disappearing from view. But a certain sadness, lingering over each and every one of his acts, was always present. He didn't know what had made him this way. Granted, his life hadn't been perfect: absent parents, a little to weird and quirky to fit right in at school (both things giving him a permanent sense of loneliness), friends that could be counted using the fingers of one hand... but at least he had always had Cass and Andro. The so called, loves of his life.

Staring at the night sky in awe, wondering for just a second if the stars he was contemplating now were the same ones he had been looking at his entire life, he thought about that. About that sadness impregnating every aspect of his life, and how to get rid of it. Probably, therapy would have helped. But if a psychologist had made it to the Borderlands, they probably were as fucked up as the rest of them. Or they would be, as soon as they played a game and saw twenty people come in and only two or three leave the arena.

'That's good to know. Means you won't get rid of me when I'm a grumpy old man, or if I ever develop dementia...' In sickness and in health, was one of the rules for uniting two people in holy matrimony. Hércules had never thought about marrying, he didn't know if that would be his thing or not until he found the right person. His idea was that one day, he would wake up, look at the man or woman sleeping beside him and just feel it. Like a thunder in the middle of a storm. You couldn't choose when it came to love. You could choose how you reacted to it, however, and if your feelings were worthy of pursuing, because sometimes, you put too much effort and received very little back. In fact, most people were like that; selfish, interested only in what they felt, never bothering to put themselves in other people's shoes... Hércules wasn't like it. Or at least, he hoped so. 'What you're saying... yeah, you're right. Sometimes you meet someone and the vibes are just there, ya know? It's like a certain energy... just like oh, it's you, it was always going to be you. Of course, it might be the wrong moment but...' But this is the right moment. I can feel it. He finished the sentence inside his head, because he didn't want to jinx this whole thing, scared his good luck would run out eventually.

Her smile growing only made his bigger, as well. And the comment about how the celestial bodies adorning the sky now that the sun had set looked brighter if you looked at it with one eye closed had the same effect. However, he shook his head negatively when she mentioned him being out of her reach. He wasn't. 'I'm right here. I'm always going to be here.' He wanted to touch her, reassure her somehow that this was it. That this was real. But he didn't, not wanting to invade her personal space, willing to wait to do those things until she was ready. Or they both were. He did shut one of his eyes and tried to look for something. Oh, he hoped it was visible today... and just like an answer to his prayers, there he was. The constellation he was named after. Hércules. He raised an arm and pointed towards it, showing it to Yalina. 'Actually, that's me. Literally. I don't know if you can see it, but those stars represent Hércules doing the last labor of Heracles, defeating the dragon Ladon, guarding the garden of Hesperides... maybe you hate mythology and this sounds like a stupid tale to you but...' He laughed, drawing the shape of the man in the air, in front of him, by joining the dots, the stars. 'Now you can think of me every single time you look at it.'

Something moved, inside of him, next. Everything she had said had felt like a blow. Not in a bad sense, it hadn't hurt, it was just charged with intensity, an intensity he could feel reciprocating but was unsure whether or not he could put into words in the same way as she did. He tried, nonetheless. 'Nothing will happen to me,' he started, but that felt stupid, an empty promise he knew he couldn't fulfill because it did not depend entirely on him. So he concentrated, tongue peeking out from parted lips, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, while he thought of what he wanted to say. What he really wanted to say. 'Well, that could very much be a lie. Something might happen. But that's why I try to live in the present. We're here now, and that's what matters. I also would... I don't know what I would do if something were to occur to you, if you would get injured in a game, or if a militant you and Cass have pissed off would shoot you... I wouldn't like that. Obviously. I... Look, I'm not really good at this but. The only thing that's for certain is that you're dumb if you think I wouldn't be the one stepping between you and danger, Yalina. I mean it. I can't afford to lose you. I don't want to, and I will do anything that's in my hand to avoid it. That's my promise to you... my hamdam, right?'

He used the same term of endearment for her. Companion, if he wasn't mistaken. If the myth about there being threads joining you to the people in your life was true, the one between Yalina and Hércules was bright red, and made with an unbreakable material. An oath between them now. A secret understanding. Nobody but the Hércules of legend, immortalized as a group of stars, to witness.

Yalina tugged at the string of her hoodie, wrapping and unwrapping it around her fingers. She glanced at Hercules from the sideview without fully turning her head towards him. He was looking somewhere far away into the sky. 'Pretty.' She thought to herself and as much as she wanted to keep staring, she decided to look away because she didn't want to come off as creepy. Her mind kept jumping from one place to another going a mile per hour but he was a constant part of her every thought. Weird. She never really considered the fact that someone would plague her mind like that but he did. If he would ever look through her mind he would be amazed to see just how much her thoughts wandered off to him.

But he wouldn't be amazed with just that. He would be shocked to see just how gloomy her mind was. Just how awful her thoughts were. She was scared to show him the darkness that lingered in her mind but more than that she was scared that he would discover the unhealed scars she had hidden. Would he be scared of just how broken she was? Would he be repulsed by just how much anger she has been carrying all her life? Would he run away then? Would he hate her if he saw her flaws? No. This can't happen again. She can't lose someone after letting them in. Her father abandoned her after one thing went wrong. Would Hércules too? She shook her head. This wasn't the time to indulge in such thoughts. That would be a headache for later. Right now they were here, together and she was going to make this moment count.

Yalina let out dramatic gasp before placing her hand on her heart. "Oh please! I would be a waitress of a high class restaurant. I am deeply offended you would think I would work in place with such awful food service." She then smiled at him. "But I have to agree with you here. You can't really find people that work so in sync with you. But you do. You work really well with me. So yeah maybe you would have been an annoying truck driver who would complain about the prices of gas on and on again but I am sure I would be glad to hear what you have to say even if you keep repeating the words."

She was relived that her and Hércules were standing slightly apart or else he would have for sure heard the loud drumming of her heart in her chest. "Motive to keep going, huh? That's a first for me." His words only making her smile grow. She felt like a highschool teenager who's crush said something sweet to her for the very first time. "I am honored to be on that list." She could feel the tips of her ears turn red. Was she blushing? Did he just make her blush?

She threw back her head and stared at the sky with one eye closed, a habit she had picked from her mother. Not that she remembered much of her but this has stuck somehow. According to her mother the sky looked slightly more better like that, so a six year old Yalina followed her lead and indeed, the sky looked a little more brighter. Since then she kept doing it. She had caught her father do it a few times too and she had always wondered if her mother had taught him that as well. "You should try this too. Look up with one eye closed. The sky is more clear and bright that way." She said to Hércules while still looking at the sky. She then pointed to a star, a very shiny star. "That is you. Dazzling, mesmerizing and brilliant." she said softly, her tone filled with both admiration and a hint of longing. "So pretty yet so out of my reach." She lets out a huff in frustration. Another harsh thought hitting her like a train. He was without a doubt very out of her reach in this world. Maybe in the real world things would have been different. But here her fear were too consuming. She can't let him close not until they get out of this world. If something happened to him the pain would be too much for her. Going through uncertainty everytime he would go to a game would be too much for her. The fear of losing him will be too much for her. The beauty of the moment couldn't fully erase the underlying fear that lingered within her. In a world where life was fragile, where every moment could be their last, forging new connections felt like tempting fate.

"I am a rather weak person. I act like I am strong but I cry at every little thing. I don't have it in me to lose anyone. Especially not you. I would collapse if anything happened to you or anyone I hold dear." She blurted everything in one breath. "I refuse to lose you to these stupid games but my hands are tied and at the end of the day I can't really protect you. However I can try to keep you safe. No promises though. But they will have to go through me before they can get to you." She said while shifting her gaze to Hércules. "So I just want you to know that I will keep you out of harm's way. Even if it means jumping in between you and danger, my hamdam."

[exodusin]

Hello! Could you please do a Michael x reader angst to fluff? Maybe where the reader is insecure about themselves and Michael comforts them or smth? P.S keep up the amazing work!! :)

(*ノз`*) BROKEN MIRRORS | M.AFTON.

Thank you for the compliment :D also sorry if this took long :(

art creds @/imsanlee on tiktok

#summary; you don't see the way Michael sees you. It's a masterpiece but his dad’s rude comments, made you think differently.

#note; none of the aftons are dead, no scooping, no bite of 83, no spring lock, this will take place in the early 90s.

#contains; William being a dick, self-esteem issues, negative talk, past parent issues.

#word count; 1648

#fnaf masterlist

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Michael proposed to you two weeks ago- you couldn't be any happier and eagerly said: "Yes, I want to marry you!". You were aware of Michael's father being inimical about your guys' relationship. But did that ever stop you from being with Mike?

Nope, but your emotions are saying otherwise.

The Aftons weren't aware of your marriage, so Michael most likely gave them some sort of news that they'll invite them for a dinner night at your guys' house for the news he was going to tell them.

Elizabeth was really happy knowing his older brother was going to devote himself to you, The red-haired girl loved you like family, "She's going to wear a really beautiful dress, I have to be the flower girl!"

Evan was a really shy kid but did have a soft reaction, "I'm happy for you both but Michael can be mean sometimes, just saying." which he earned a flick on the forehead by your fiance.

Mrs. Afton was super excited about knowing this surprise, heck she was supportive ever since Michael confessed you were his girlfriend, "I remember you two being young idiots in love and now adults truly embracing it. I'm so proud of you both!"

Although, William...

He is a brutally honest man and could care less what people think, not only did he make rude comments about you but when Michael was a teen and started dating you, William would say to Michael that he deserves someone better, saw you as a bad influence to his oldest son and youngest children, and...he wasn't surprised Michael chose you as a spouse because he was his least favorite son.

But the comments towards you did hurt you. The feeling of years ago when you lived with your toxic parents was now rising from the following comments—

"Just like any other tramp out there."

"Ever thought you were picked out of pity?"

"Are you're parents even attending to your important day?" That comment stung you.

You're parents. You haven't seen nor talked to them ever since you graduated high school. Always making you feel like the donkey carrying all the problems.

Blaming you for everything, nagging about your bad grades, the friends you've made, your personality, and your image.

But Michael was the only person to ever make your day the brightest, always making sure you were okay, reminding or making sure you were eating well and getting perfect sleep.

Yeah, he was the biggest bully in school but when it came to you, he's an absolute charm.

Always putting you first.

So why did you care so much about what William thinks? It's because he was right. That's what you thought, you were asked out as a joke many times when you were young, you'd be compared to other people from your parents and they wouldn't bother showing up to something you're deeply excited about.

But now you're starting to have second thoughts.

Why would Michael pick you out of all people?

present

You got out a cold shower, moisturized your body with lotion, and washed your face. You put on your underwear and an oversized (favorite color) shirt than a fluffy robe.

'One last check on the mirror...'

It became a habit nowadays, checking the mirror constantly before Michael came back home from work.

"Am I too annoying?"

"Do I talk too much?"

"Am I boring?"

"Does my face look creepy?"

"Am I really like any other?"

"Is my body not ideal?"

The questions running around your head you were paused when you heard that British voice yelled out your name.

"Have you fallen asleep yet? Don't sleep if you haven't eaten."

You made sure your robe was correctly adjusted and put on the usual happy mask to not worry Michael about your personal problems.

"Uhhh...no I'm still awake!" you shouted so he can hear you from downstairs. You heard footsteps get louder and louder meaning he was going to come into the room.

His blue eyes searched for you and there you were sitting on the bed, perhaps waiting for him. Once his eyes landed on you, he felt his eyes melt with adoration.

"Damn it I miss you..." he whispered then smashed his lips to yours, you kissed him back immediately hoping he wouldn't notice your slightly gloomy behavior.

"Did you just take a shower?"

You scoffed, "My hair is wetter than the ocean, what do you think? I just soaked it in a sewage pipe?" you say in a sarcastic playful manner.

He chuckled and pecked your check, "Heh, yea you took a nice shower, you smell nice, as always of course."

He parted away from you and rubbed your soaked hair, "Let me help you dry it and brush it, love." you felt butterflies in your stomach flutter at the nickname.

"Okay just don't brush it too hard..."

—

Your (hair texture) hair was now soft and dry thanks to your fiance.

"Thank you, Mikey."

The brunette smiled, "It's no problem."

You felt strong arms wrap around you and made you turn to face his beautiful pale face, his blue eyes gazing at yours with adoration, and that styled mullet brown hair that was messy.

'Fuck...'

Michael began rubbing your sides lovingly, then stuffing his face onto your fluffy robe which had your scent and warmth that hypnotizes him.

You felt your cheeks warmth at the feeling, for a return of affection you ran your fingers through his messy mullet which made him groan.

Michael's reaction to this was a muffled groan and glided his face down, his hands reached to grab your robe and move it out of the way to get better access to your thighs.

Just as he was about to treat them, a soft hand was placed on his shoulder which halted him. "Is there something wrong, Y/N?"

You faced the other direction to avoid his gaze which made him knit his brows together in confusion, "I-...I don't really feel like-"

"I understand." Those two words ease you but you still felt...gloomy.

"But don't think I didn't notice your behavior these days. Is something bothering you? Is it something I did?" he asked with concern.

You tried to hold back the tears but gulped and said a simple "no."

He tilted his head still looking at you waiting for a better answer, "Did someone say do something to you?"

'Say...'

"Sort of..." you mumbled with hesitation.

"Who? I'll beat the bastard or bitch."

You breathed in and asked, "Michael, can I ask you something?"

He already paid full attention to you "Yes, anything." and waited patiently for your question, your breath became a bit shaky, "Are...Are you sure you want to marry me?"

His pupils shrunk a bit and his brows furrowed, do you no longer want him? He tried to remain calm and respond to your question with composure, "What kind of question is that? I want to marry you. You're the one for me. Why? Do you...not love me?" the last part sounded like hesitation but you responded quickly-

"It's not that. I love you so much fucking much but...what do you see in me?" you asked, his face now becoming soft and sympathetic.

"Love, what made you think that. You're my everything, fuck if you told me to kill thousands of people I'll do it in a heartbeat." the comment seemed laughable but you still felt gloomy, "It's just that...your father doesn't seem to like me much and he's a brutally honest man...am I like any other...is my parents not even going to attend to my wedding day?"

Michael's Adam's apple bobbed in anger, not at you, but his beloved partner being depressed over the bastard of his father. Messing him was one thing, but messing with you is enough to impel him to break his father's teeth.

Instead of Michael responding verbally, he held you as if there is no tomorrow. He kissed your hair and all over your face, plummeting sweet things "No, don't think that way..." "I will never regret proposing to you or meeting you. Your beautiful, your mine. Y/N please. Don't think you're less because of a stupid 'opinion' my bastard of a father says..."

You tried to contain in the hiccups escaping your lips from the soft crying, "He's right though. My parents won't even attend my wedding they always thought less of me and spoke to me as if I was a piece of horse shit."

Michael sighed and yanked you closer to him and began smooching all over your face, "Please...don't say that...don't do it for me...do it for yourself..." he whispers sweetly.

"You don't understand how I see you. No one can see you the way I do," he says as he gently pulls down the sleeve of your shirt to get better access to your shoulder. "Your parents will make the biggest of their lives by not attending to it, your amazing." he then began kissing your shoulder.

You squeaked at the suddenness,

"You're beautiful."

"I love you."

"I'll do anything for you."

He then began nuzzling your neck, "You're mine. Your parents are the real shitfaces here, not you. Meeting you was the greatest thing that happened to me ever in my life. Our bond is unbreakable, no one can break it."

You began to sob and held him closer to you,

"...T-Thank y-you, Michael."

"No, it's the truth. You're the best thing I never knew I needed..."

[malleux]

spell [2]. | corpse husband

part one ; part three

-> Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

-> Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst

-> Warnings: Hate Comments, Self Doubt, Anxiety, Cursing

-> A/N: thank you for 1k notes on part one! i’m so glad everyone likes my work. it’s really nice getting this much love after taking a hiatus on my fire emblem writing blog. i hope y’all enjoy it and stay on the lookout for part three!

corpse husband taglist is closed!

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since you joined Sean’s Among Us stream.

While that was your first public appearance, you had joined three others after that and already you were blowing up on almost every social media platform you had. The attention was kind of nice, you had to admit, but sometimes the anxiety of becoming a public figure weighed heavily on your shoulders.

During that time, you turned to your friends who were used to such scrutiny: Sean, Felix, and now Corpse, who you’ve been talking to every day for those two weeks.

It was another one of those nights where, at 1am, you were on Facetime with said man. His screen was dark, as usual. He hadn’t shown his face yet and you respected that. You didn’t need to see him to talk to him, or be his friend, or develop a slight crush on him. All of which you did.

The call was relatively silent on your end. Corpse was on Facetime with you, yes, but he was also on a call in Discord, once again playing Among Us.

You often wondered if playing that game was all your new friends did anymore.

You stayed quiet, letting Corpse play the game and avoiding his fans finding out about your call. You had college work to finish anyways, so the silence was rather helpful.

“We should ask Y/N if she wants to play. I wanna meet her.” Sykkuno’s voice rang out from the Discord call. He was right- you’d never met him. He and Corpse seemed extremely close, though, so you’d love to talk to him. A friend of your crush friend was a friend of yours.

“She’s busy tonight.” Corpse responded.

“Yeah, she’s got an exam coming up- wait, how do you know?” Sean joined in, questioning Corpse.

“Uh, I mean we’re on Facetime right now, I guess.” Your heart sped up- now his fans knew. “She’s studying. We’re just hanging out.”

“Didn’t you guys ‘hang out’ last night as well? It seems like you’re trying to take my best friend away from me.” Sean joked back.

“I mean, I definitely am.”

Your breath caught in your throat. What was that supposed to mean? Sean was obviously kidding, but the tone in Corpse’s voice wasn’t the one he used when he was joking as well.

Felix suddenly butted in. “Ooooh, I think Corpse-y has a little crush.”

“And if I do?”

Y/N.exe has stopped working.

꧁꧂

Three weeks, now, that you’ve been talking to Corpse daily.

One week since Corpse’s crush comment and one week that you’ve endured countless mentions and tags on Instagram and Twitter, constantly talking about #CorpseY/N.

You didn’t really mind the shipping, often losing yourself in daydreams about driving those two hours down from your apartment in Los Angeles down to San Diego and running into his arms. It didn’t help when he mentioned wanting you to come visit one day.

You just worried about how Corpse felt about them. He was still relatively new to blowing up on the internet as well, his fame suddenly skyrocketing in the past few months, so you weren’t sure if he was comfortable with them. You didn’t want to bring it up, either, fearing that the discussion would make things awkward between the two of you.

For now, you were rather content with just scrolling through the #CorpseY/N hashtag, looking at the pictures and nice things people had to say about you both.

“they’re so cute when they talk to each other, you can just tell Corpse meant it when he said he was trying to steal Y/N away.”

“#CorpseY/N is my new favorite thing. Everyone shut up this is all I’ll be talking about from now on.”

“God why can’t they just be together already? #CorpseY/N”

Everyone was so supportive and sweet, it almost made you feel like you already were Corpse’s girlfriend. Although your heart hurt when you were brought back to reality, you couldn’t help but love the comments that everyone left. They were amazing.

Until they weren’t.

There are always two sides of the same coin. Along from the supporters and their loving actions, there were also those who seethed at the idea of you and Corpse.

They scrutinized everything about you to the point that you made your Instagram account- already with 30k followers- private.

Haters talked about you. Your body, your personality, how you weren’t worthy to even talk to Corpse and the rest of the Youtubers, and so much more. You’ve spent many nights with your Facetime mic muted so that Corpse couldn’t hear the small sobs coming from you.

These thoughts were almost always on the back of your mind, but you were sometimes able to push them away.

Like now- as you focused on your exam. Well, tried to focus. There comes to be a time where one can only hear so many negative things about themselves before they can’t ignore it anymore.

But alas, you tried your hardest and finished your exam, before walking out of the room and pulling out your phone. Now, you had a break before your new classes started and you’ve never been more relieved. You pulled up a certain contact and clicked on the message icon, beginning to type.

you:

i’m finished! up next, a break.

corpse:

I hope you did well. How long is your break?

you:

two weeks!

corpse:

Come spend it in San Diego

You stopped in your tracks, taken aback by the offer. You really didn’t think that he’d invite you over, but you weren’t about to complain. Instead, you sent back an ‘I’ll pack tonight :)’ and rushed home to do just that.

Corpse called you as you packed, just like he calls every night. You were used to the routine now, often falling asleep around 3am as he stays on the phone, doing whatever he does with his ruined sleep schedule until you wake up and say good morning.

Tonight, however, you were too jittery to sleep. You stayed up all night with Corpse, talking about anything and everything, like usual.

What wasn’t usual, though, was how distracted he sounded. It made you nervous- was he having second thoughts about inviting you over? Was something wrong?

Your thoughts nearly overwhelmed you, forcing you to say something.

“Are you okay, Corpse?” You tried to hide the small shake in your voice.

“Hm? Uh, yeah, yeah, everything’s good. Why?”

“It doesn’t sound like it. What’s going on? You’re acting off.”

His side of the phone was silent for a moment, before he let out a sigh. “I’m just thinking about what I’ve got to do before you get here tomorrow. Like, cleaning and stuff.”

“Pshh, that doesn’t matter to me.” You waved your hand, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness of your room.

“It’s just that, my apartment isn’t… the best. It’s small and there’s only one bedroom and it’s kind of shitty. I just don’t want it to be even more shitty.”

“Corpse, I’m coming there to spend time with you, not your apartment. I don’t care what any of that shit looks like. I’m going to be looking at you and hanging out with you. Not your apartment.” You didn’t mean to go on a tangent of reassurance, but you truly meant all of your words. “Hell, I might not even see the apartment because I already know I won’t be able to look away from you.”

“I- God, give me a minute. That took me off guard.” He laughed. “But thank you. I may not even be able to clean because I’ll be distracted too.”

“By what?”

“You, standing in front of me, in person.” You could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s a fucking dream come true.”

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

taglist: @namjoons-crabssss @lookingforaplacetosleep @teenloves @princess00wifi @pillowjj @nvm-idgaf @creativedogs @wildflowerwhore @chillininahottub-withaghost @whyisquill @holosexualunicorn7000 @ourheavenlyemotions

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[wastelandlovingscenarios]

I want this to be a short request but how would crushing!companions react to sole who holds their hand whenever they get scared and it slowly turns into a habit for them to always hold onto his hand?

omg this is literally so cute, bye. 🥺💗 i hope you enjoy, anon.

to keep it short, i’ll just write their reactions to when sole holds their hand and i will put ‘companions react to sole holding their hand as a habit’ in a separate post! <3

-

Danse:

it’s nothing new in his life— he’s experienced his fair share of people holding onto him during stressful and terrifying situations, so it’s something he’s used to. however, sole is an exception in this case. it’s been quite a while since he’s caught feelings for his companion, so it’s different in certain situations with them.

when they first get startled and hold his hand, he tenses up, his mind going completely blank as they wrap their fingers around his palm. though millions of people have done the same action to him in the past, this one feels different and he swears it makes him feel emotions he’s never truly felt before. before he can question what their intentions were, he noticed how they drew closer to him, eyes frantically scanning their surroundings and he realizes that there may have been an uncomfortable presence around.

so danse slowly takes a breath and squeezes their hand in return, looking down at them with red cheeks and a nervous expression. “you’re safe, don’t worry. if there appears to be any threat within our vacinity, i will neutralize it as best as i can.” when they look at him with a relieved smile, he feels his heart swell with emotions he’s never felt in his lifetime. he doesn’t dare to let go until sole feels safe enough to do so and even when they do, he fights the urge to take their hand in his once more.

instead, he impatiently waits for the next time he has the chance to hold their hand in his again, already excited though he refuses to admit it.

Deacon:

deacons not a very affection man nor has he received any affection from any other individual besides his late other half. To say this situation was terrifying for him was an understatement. he’s probably already dreading the fact that he has an unavoidable crush for his companion, not wanting to deal with that type of stress no longer.

the first time his crush rushes to hold his hand out of fear of their surroundings, he immediately pulls away out of habit and stares at them with a lump in his throat, words scrambled and refusing to leave his mouth for a moment. “i-, uh-“

with a mortified expression, sole waves it off with a flush on their face and an embarrassed tone, “shit i’m sorry. it’s just a habit, please don’t mind me.” they slowly distance themselves away from him and deacon quickly gets his act together, inwardly panicking that he may have hurt their feelings unintentionally. “no, it’s fine. i just- uh.” they tilt their head with a confused expression and instead of explaining himself, he lets out a soft apology and awkwardly goes on his way to save him the embarrassment. when he thinks about it later, he feels a pang of guilt hit him and realizes he may have been too harsh, so he tries to make an exception.

next time around, when sole does accidentally jump to grab his hand, it takes him a moment to calm himself down but does gather the courage to return the gesture. he would notice the surprised expression on soles face, and even though he’s internally losing it, he musters up the same shit eating smile he always has and cracks a joke; “charmer, i know it’s hard to stay away from me, but you could at least try.” when sole doesn’t respond and sends him a confused expression, he gives them a small smile and tugs their hand, “that’s okay though, i don’t mind. good ol’ deeks will scare the monsters away.”

when sole lets out a small chuckle, he feels himself grow agitated and immediately whips around to hide the blush on his face as he drags sole along with him. “we better get going if we wanna get outta this scary place. yknow, before you jump out of your shoes.”

Maccready:

he’s very to himself in most situations and values his personal space just as much as most people do in the commonwealth. he believes in a personal bubble and really enforces that idea, respecting his own personal space as well as others. however in this case, mac is probably just as scared as sole is, though he may be a lot better at hiding it.

when sole does grab his hand, he doesn’t give attention to it at first due to him being scared as well but when he does notice them showing signs of fear, he tries to reassure them, even though he’s flustered at the sudden contact. with a deep breath, he sucks in his negative emotions and decides to step up to bring comfort to them.

“hey, you okay?” when sole doesn’t respond, he just pulls them closer and squeezes their hand gently to grab their attention. when they do look at him, he smiles awkwardly, a inevitable blush dusting his cheeks. “earth to sole?”

when they explain their habit of doing so, he tries to lighten the mood by telling stories about his life in the capital wasteland and how he felt during his time at little lamplight, letting them know that he had similar fears and still continues to have them despite him experiencing the wasteland for years.

soon enough, their hands naturally find home in each other as they both continue exchanging similar experiences they’ve had, laughter filling the silence that sole feared just moments back.

Hancock:

hancocks a very touchy man and people do show him quite a lot of affection, so just like danse, he’s used to the constant attention others show him, only this time, the perspective is a little different. he enjoys it far more than other companions and doesn’t mind when they rush to hold his hand, though it catches him off guard.

for a moment, he processes the events occurring but once he does, he lets out a soft smile and a chuckles under his breath. he wants to let out a flirtatious comment or two, but fights the urge and instead, soothes their fear instead of embarrassing them.

“don’t worry, sunshine. you know i wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” he’d rub his thumb against their knuckles and smiles when he sees the tenseness in their body melt away. “in fact..”

when he lets go of their hand, he sees the panic grow on their face and lets out a small chuckle. with a swift movement, he gently throws his arm over their shoulder and pulls them closer, rubbing their arm reassuringly.

“.. this might be a little more comforting. no matter what happens, i’ll always be ready to protect you this way. don’t you agree?” when they chuckle and nod at his suggestion, he pulls them closer to his body, whispering loud enough for them to hear.

“ ‘m always here for you, sunshine. you don’t ever have to be scared, especially with me around. don’t ever feel like you have to hide it from me.” sole lets out a small hum before leaning into his touch, trusting every word that left his mouth.

Nick Valentine:

nick is very understanding with a situation like this and doesn’t mind it one bit. though he does get a bit flustered, he tries to play out the scenario in a way where they won’t feel embarrassed about the events occurring. he’s aware that everyone has their fair share of fears, no matter how tough you play out to be.

“things can get pretty scary around here, i know.” when he smiles down at them, they feel a sense of ease and relax into his touch instead of having the urge to pull away. “waking up 200 years later in a completely different life will do that to you.”

sole would sigh and hold his hand tighter, their voice barely a whisper as their cheeks flush with embarrassment. “i wonder how you do it sometimes.”

nick lets out a small laugh at their reaction. “it wasn’t always like this, sweetheart. i was just as scared as you, maybe even worse.” sole looks at him with curiosity as he continues on, “theres always something new everyday but soon you’ll learn how to adapt to it.”

“you think so?”

“i know so.” his words are full of reassurance and comfort, allowing sole to let go of any negative feelings that filled their chest.

“good thing i have the best companion in the wasteland to guide me around this hellhole.” sole puts it out as a joke, but knows a part of it was the truth that she was wholeheartedly grateful for.

he proceeded to rub his thumb on their knuckles, feeling a sense of happiness in their comment, “i’ll do my best to meet your expectations, partner.”

Preston:

poor boy. he’d be a blushing mess if sole were to ever do something as simple as this. if they were to dart to grab his hand, even out of fear, he’d stutter in confusion, obviously flustered at the idea of them latching onto him. “w-what are you d-doing?”

his body would immediately freeze upon contact, stopping in his tracks despite the possibility of getting attacked at any given moment. when he catches the terror in their expression, he’s reminded that the general has their weak points too. so instead of questioning their actions any further, he tries to reassure them despite his pounding heart.

“did you wanna turn around? we can always find another route. we could even send a team of minutemen to do this for us.” when sole shakes their hand and swallows the lump in their throat, preston lets out a soft sigh and smiles at them softly.

“just leaving the suggestion out there, general. say the word and we’ll turn right back around.” sole would shake their head, their stubbornness peeking through the look of fear twisting on their face. “it’s fine. i can’t be selfish and let it get to me.”

preston would feel his heart swell at their sacrifice and the determination that they held, despite the odds going against them. gently, he squeezed their hand and looked down at them, seeing the curious expression on their face. “if that’s the case, just know i’m confident that nothing will tear you down. i have your back every step of the way,” he pauses for a moment, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously with a dorky smile, “even if it mean- uh -holding my hand. i’d be more than happy to.”

after a few moments of silence, sole processed his words and smiled at him in response, returning the squeeze. “thank you, preston.”

Sturges:

sturges is aware he isn’t the strongest man in the commonwealth nor does he have the ability to protect sole in most situations. however, if he had a choice, he would do the best he could and he knows that sole is aware of his intentions. yet, when they yelp with fear and lunge to him, taking his hand in theirs, he realizes that maybe he isn’t as weak as he sought out to be.

“you holding up ‘lright, sweetheart?” when they notice their actions, their expression slowly twists into a terrified one and they attempt to retrieve their hand as quickly as they can. sturges doesn’t stop them from doing so and instead just laughs heartily and offers his hand to them despite their reaction.

“i’m fine with it, yknow. i wasn’t complainin’ or anything, just wanted to check if you’re okay.” sole hesitates for a moment, eyes flickering from his hand to his face before replying. “are you sure it’s okay? it just gave me a little scare, you don’t have to-“

before they could continue, he moves closer, taking their hand in his with a light blush on his cheeks and a reassuring smile plastered on his face. “it’s the least i can do for you.” his actions are more than enough to reassure sole and they nod, accepting his offer. “thank you, sturges.”

Gage:

he doesn’t like crushes— gage is so used to the habit of a one night stand and constant hook ups that he absolutely forgets how loving someone feels like. as sole grips his hand in fear, he chokes up for a good second and immediately gets himself together, retreating his hand and glaring at them.

“the fuck you think you’re doing?” despite his tough demeanor, his voice becomes slightly shaky and a small tinge of pink dusts his cheek. this doesn’t go unnoticed at first, but sole knows they’re too distracted to point it out.

they would apologize with an embarrassed expression and he’d avert his eyes elsewhere before continuing on; “yer the damn overboss, some stupid shit like this shouldn’t scare you. you gotta be tougher than that if yer gonna survive in this world.”

he doesn’t realize the words that leave his mouth until his eyes fall on sole, who’s clearly embarrassed and overwhelmed with the situation and immediately feels a tinge of guilt. with a quiet groan, he slows down and averts his eyes elsewhere, waiting for them to pick up the pace. when sole lets out a confused hum, he forces the words to leave his mouth.

“hurry up and get in front of me, why don’t ya’? yer acting like i’d let the overboss get hurt on my watch.”

they would pause for a moment at his words but feel a sense of reassurance knowing that gage had their back, despite his attitude towards them. “okay.” sole would smile at him softly and he’d scoff, fighting the blush threatening to creep up on his face. this stupid love bullshit was doing nothing but holding him back.

“yeah, yeah. lets get a move on before i leave ya out here to get eaten.”