#buzz conroy

[chernobog13]

Hanna-Barbera's Saturday morning superheroes by Steve Rude:

Tog; Mightor; Birdman; Avenger; The Galaxy Trio - Meteor Man, Gravity Girl, Vapor Man; The Herculoids - Gloop, Dorno, Tara, Gleep, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Zandor; Frankenstein Jr.; Buzz Conroy; Jan; Jace; Blip; Space Ghost; The Impossibles - Fluid Man, Coil Man, Multi Man.

[nerds-yearbook]

The last episode of Frankenstein Jr and the Impossibles aired on January 7, 1967. The Hanna Barbera series ran for only one season of 18 episodes. ("The Impossibles: The Bizarre Batter" "Frankenstein Jr: The Spooktaculars" "The Impossibles: The Not So Nice Mr Ice" Frankenstein Jr and the Impossibles, Cartoon Event)

[inkandichxr]

who: kade conroy. major idiot. open to: m/f/nb what: a night out turned sour but kade's attention seeking ass loved it - until your muse (significant other, best friend, assistant, whatever) picked him up from the police station and took him home.

------

The internet was ablaze with Kade's latest string of shenanigans. It had started simple enough, like these things always did. He'd just gone out for a few drinks. Maybe a few too many. Of course Kade always knew where the cameras were going to be, loved the way the attention made him feel. And, oh, he'd been hungry for it lately. At first he'd just been loud, obnoxious, the life of the party. Then, at some point and without warning, he was on the ground throwing punches and taking them in turn. He didn't know who separated them or how long the altercation had lasted. All that mattered was that he was absolutely buzzing. Could barely sit still in the holding cell, eager to be let out. Neither party wanted to cooperate, press charges and neither did the club (Kade brought them too much attention, he knew where he stood). Always so lucky he'd probably scrape by with no legal issues. It was public opinion that would be his problem. None of that mattered right now though, Kade too busy hanging his head as the desire for attention faded and the shame set in.

"You gonna give me the same old speech now or is it the silent treatment this time?"

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Son of The Great Santini

Featuring Bestselling Author, Pat Conroy

In the summer of 1995, famed Southern author, Pat Conroy sat hunched over his desk in his Charleston home, his fingers tapping rhythmically on the keys of his old typewriter. A half-finished manuscript of Beach Music lay in front of him, the pages filled with ideas and fragments of stories that seemed to spill out of him like waves crashing onto the shore. The novel was demanding, as his works always were, and the weight of the characters, the setting, and the complex histories he wove together was both exhilarating and exhausting.

At 54 years old, Pat had earned his place as one of the most prominent writers of his generation. His deep, soulful eyes and rugged face, marked by years of lived experience, spoke of a man who had spent much of his life in search of meaning. His once unruly dark hair, now gray, fell loosely over his forehead gave him the air of a man perpetually lost in thought.

But today, despite his focus on the manuscript, Pat felt the weight of the work more than usual. Beach Music was proving to be a challenge. It required a depth of research. Research that Pat had come to dread. He was a writer, not a historian, and yet, to fully capture the post-Vietnam era in America and the particular tensions in Charleston, South Carolina, he needed someone who could help him dig into the specifics.

That’s when he decided it was time to ask for help. But who? Stepping out for a break, Pat noticed his neighbor, a 24-year-old named Will, lived two doors down from Pat's house, jog past in a faded T-shirt and shorts. He hadn’t run for exercise in years, but Will seemed to carry the energy of youth in every stride. Will had always struck Pat as an interesting young man—bright-eyed, with a sharp wit and a hunger for knowledge. Will was tall, athletic, with sandy brown hair that seemed perpetually windblown, as if he'd just stepped off a surfboard, and he had a smile that seemed to light up the room. Though he was still finding his way in the world, Will had an easy confidence about him that Pat admired.

“Will!” Pat called, stepping out onto the porch. Will slowed his pace and jogged up the steps.

“Mr. Conroy,” Will said with a grin, wiping sweat from his brow. “How’s the book coming?”

Pat hesitated before answering. The truth was, he had been struggling. “It’s… coming. Slowly. Listen, I’m in need of some help, actually. Would you be interested in working as a research assistant for a while?”

Will raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Research assistant? For your book?”

Pat nodded, his expression serious. “Yeah. a lot of it’s in my head, but I need someone to help me organize the details.”

Will considered the offer for a moment, wiping the sweat from his face. “I’ve got some free time. I’d love to help, Mr. Conroy. What do I need to do?”

Pat chuckled. “Call me Pat. Let’s get to work.”

For the next several weeks, Will spent hours in Pat’s home, surrounded by towering piles of books, old Charleston photographs, and historical archives. Pat would often look up from his desk, his eyes slightly bleary from hours of writing, to find Will poring over a stack of documents, catching the young man starring. Will was lustfully checking out the mound in Pat's pants. From what he could make out Pat had an above average size cock and big balls. Pat began to spread his legs a little farther apart as if to give the young man a better view, but never said anything. Later that evening Will went home and jacked off thinking about his hairy balls.

Weeks later, on one particularly humid evening, with the sound of cicadas buzzing in the background, Pat and Will sat on his cozy back porch having a nice conversation, looking out over Battery Creek and the autumn-gilded marsh. After we each had two glasses of wine, the mood started to turn sexual. Just then Pat leaned back in his chair, spread his legs and absently stroked his belly.

The sight of this white haired man leaning back in his seat as if he wanted Will to crawl on top of him, got the young man so aroused that he haphazardly said to Pat, "You look sexy."

What he did next shocked Will. He kissed him. A twice married father and step-father of six, kissed him. After seeing how receptive Will was, Pat grabbed him and pulled him closer to him and they began to kiss frantically. Will's hands quickly roamed Pat's body, feeling at his sides and chest, running my hands under his shirt to feel his chest. Pat's big hands were eager too, roaming Will's muscled torso, rolling down the incline of his abs to the mound in my jeans. Tearing himself away from the husky, hunky next door neighbor and gulping air into his lungs.

'I want you.' Will growled as he started lifting up Pat's shirt.

He clucked approvingly as he caught sight of his big chest with the large red nipples as his mouth instantly fastened to it. This was a first for Pat; in all the sex play he had with his wives, somehow they had never gotten around to sucking his nipples. He sighed as Will sucked his very sensitive and erect nipples all the while running his fingers through his hair.

Will kissed his lips across his chest, inhaling the magical scent of a daddy still in his prime. He had Pat take the shirt off completely as Will's cock grew harder and harder. It rubbed up against Pat's belly and the older man liked what he felt. His hands closed around Will's tight little ass and massaged the cheeks. Then he slipped his hands under the young stud's shorts and underneath his underpants, feeling his silky smooth cheeks. Will got up and shed his clothes. His slim eight incher boner jumped free and pointed up at his navel.

'Damn, that's a mighty fine cock you have there.' Pat said as he reached out for it.

He stroked the slender cock, watching the head disappear and reappear with each stroke. It was just the perfect size for his hand, mouth and ass. Pat pulled the young stallion towards him and took the beautiful cock into his mouth. Swallowing half of his dick, Pat began bobbing his head up and down Will's shaft as his nuts bounced invitingly against Pat's chin. All the while, out there on the back porch.

Suddenly as if realising for the first time where they were, Pat pulled away from his cock and stood up.

"Fuck, you feel good," Pat rasped into Will's ear, followed by a flick of his tongue, making him shudder. "Lenore is asleep already. She took an aspirin with a sleep aid, she won't wake up till morning."

With their cocks dripping in anticipation, Pat took Will by the hand and led him into the nearby spare bedroom where they began to strip. Will whistled in delight when he saw his soon to be lover exposed at last. Pat's portly body was like a work of art: broad shoulders, beefy, ass, and ample belly. And hanging below, a thick circumcised cock with a pair of oversized fuzzy brown balls. Will kneeled and pressed his face into Pat's big thatch of pubes.

The sweet smell of Pat's crotch was utterly intoxicating to Will and he couldn't stop himself from sucking him. Will ran his tongue all over the cock head before putting his mouth over it and began to suck this old author off. Pat hadn't received many blowjobs and Will could tell it really turned him on to have him pumping up and down on his dick. Suddenly Pat the young man by the head as he began to spasm and groan like a wild animal, firing his load down Will's throat. And like that, he had finished him off.

Sensing Will's need to fuck him, Pat quickly got on all fours on the bed, turning his pale, beefy ass him and smiled as he said, "come and get it."

Presented with this view, Will pushed his mouth down to Pat's asshole and started running his moist tongue back and forth against his virgin asshole. When the young man pushed his tongue inside of him. This drove Pat wild and he pushed his ass back farther on Will's probing tongue, moaning loudly. After several minutes, Pat was begging for the young man 7-incher.

Complying, Will spit in his hand, grabbed his cock and slicked it up as best he could. Will thought he was going to shoot off before he could get his cock into the portly author. Rearing his head back, Pat said, "go slow" as Will started to touch the rim of his hot wet ass hole.

"It hurts." The old man said in a choking, husky voice as his tight ass began to open. Will pushed his cock in all the way in Pat's love hole.

His ass was so tight and wonderful Will didn't want to pull back, he just started to gyrate his hips to giving this married man the full sensation of being fucked. Surprisingly, Pat began to rock up and then slammed his butt back onto the young man's dick, pushing his hungry hole farther on to it. The slapping of thighs echoed throughout the room as Will began to wildly fuck his hot ass.

Wanting to see the look on Pat's face while fucking him, Will put him on his back the way he would have fucked his wife, missionary style. With their eyes locked on each other, Pat raises his beefy legs, spreading them wide apart, giving Will full access to his butt as he whispers "give it to me." His love hole didn't resist as much this time as Will buried himself deep in this handsome man. Then he was planting kissing on his cheeks, forehead and all over his face as he slowly continued fucking him. Pat moaned pleasurably as his entire rectum became slippery and no longer resisted the young man's thrusts.

After a few minutes, both men were moaning as it felt so good that neither of them wanted it to end. By now, the wetness of Pat's tight hole was making a suction sound which only helped to intensify the sensation. I tried not to cum too quickly and yet I was really enjoying the sensation of his virgin ass squeezing my dick. And Pat knew from the look on his face that he was getting close and said, "Fuck me hard Will, I need it."

Will doubled his effort and pounded Pats butt even harder, gyrating his hips to give him the full effect of his cock rimming him out. He kept fucking until finally he couldn't hold it any more and drove his cock deep down inside Pat and I let go of his load, spasming three or four times. The exhausted young man stayed on top of Pat for a while until I had enough energy to roll off, in utter bliss, still replaying the entire scene in their minds.

[batmannotes]

‘Batman: Mask of the Phantasm' 4K Blu-Ray

Celebrate the 30th anniversary of the most universally acclaimed film in the Dark Knight’s legendary cinematic history when the newly-remastered animated movie Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, comes to 4K Ultra HD for the very first time. From Warner Bros. Discovery Home Entertainment, the film will be available to purchase on 4K Ultra HD on September 12, 2023.

The release will also include an all-new featurette Kevin Conroy: I Am The Knight, which takes a look at the legacy of Kevin Conroy, who voiced Batman for 30 years in film, television, video games and more.

Rooted in DC’s acclaimed Batman: The Animated Series and released theatrically on Christmas Day 1993, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm has not only been ranked by Time magazine as one of the 10 best Super Hero movies ever, but is also arguably the core fans’ all-time favorite Batman film. The movie has been rated at the top of the Dark Knight film franchise by such popular entertainment media as Empire, Screenrant and Paste. And in the ultimate mainstream salute for its time, Gene Siskel & Robert Ebert didn’t initially review the film during its theatrical release, but later dedicated a portion of their At The Movies weekly TV series to pay compliment to the film – and voice their regret for not giving it the attention it deserved during its original run – when Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was distributed for home entertainment.

The 4K HDR/SDR remaster of Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was sourced from the 1993 Original Cut Camera Negative and was scanned at 4K resolution. Digital restoration was applied to the 4K scans to remove dirt, scratches and additional anomalies, but special care was given to not touch the film grain or the animation cel dirt that was part of the original artwork. This is the first time since its theatrical release that it is presented in its 1.85 aspect ratio. The original 2.0 mix and the 5.1 tracks were remastered to remove or improve defects such as pops, ticks, dropouts and distortion.

The animated film features an all-star cast headed by the quintessential voice of Batman, Kevin Conroy, alongside Dana Delany (Desperate Housewives, China Beach) as Bruce Wayne’s love interest, Andrea Beaumont, Mark Hamill (Star Wars franchise) as the Joker, Stacy Keach (Nebraska, Prison Break, Mike Hammer) as Phantasm/Carl Beaumont, Abe Vigoda (Barney Miller, The Godfather) as Salvatore Valestra, Efrem Zimbalist Jr. (The F.B.I.) as Alfred, Hart Bochner (Die Hard) as Arthur Reeves, Bob Hastings (McHale’s Navy, The Poseidon Adventure) as Commissioner Gordon, Robert Costanzo (Forget Paris, City Slickers) as Detective Bullock, Dick Miller (Gremlins, The Terminator) as Chuckie Sol, and John P. Ryan (The Right Stuff) as Buzz Bronski. Additional voices included Pat Musick, Marilu Henner, Neil Ross, Ed Gilbert, Jeff Bennett, Jane Downs, Vernee Watson, Charles Howerton, Thom Pinto and Peter Renaday.

The Batman: Mask of the Phantasm filmmaking team is composed of the award-winning core group behind Batman: The Animated Series. Eric Radomski and Bruce Timm directed the film from a screenplay by Alan Burnett, Paul Dini, Martin Pasko and Michael Reaves, based on a story by Burnett.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm will be available on September 12, 2023 to purchase Digitally from Amazon Prime Video, AppleTV, Google Play, Vudu and more. 4K Ultra HD Discs will be available to purchase online and in-store at major retailers. Pre-order your copy now.

SYNOPSIS:

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm opens with the city's most feared gangsters being systematically eliminated, and assumed blame falling on the Caped Crusader. But prowling the Gotham night is a shadowy new villain, the Phantasm, a sinister figure with some link to Batman's past. Can the Dark Knight elude the police, capture the Phantasm and clear his own name? Unmasking the Phantasm is just one of the twists in this dazzling animated feature, which provides new revelations about Batman's past, his archrival the Joker, and Batman's most grueling battle ever - the choice between his love for a beautiful woman and his vow to be the defender of right.

SPECIAL FEATURES INCLUDE*:

Kevin Conroy: I Am The Knight (New Featurette) – For 30 years, Kevin Conroy defined Batman for multiple generations using only his voice, best exemplified in the landmark film Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. Conroy passed away in November 2022, but his legacy lives on in 15 films, nearly 400 episodes of animated television series, a dozen video games, and as a live-action Bruce Wayne in the Arrowverse’s 2019-2020 “Crisis on Infinite Earths” crossover event. Several of Conroy’s contemporaries – including animation legend Bruce Timm, Batman producer Michael Uslan and revered voice actress Tara Strong – pay tribute to the star who remains the Dark Knight for millions of Batfans.

Bonus episode of Justice League: Unlimited featuring a cameo from Phantasm.

*Special features are not available in 4K Ultra HD.

The Batman legend continues in this story that tells of Batman's most difficult battle, as well as his confrontation with a mysterious killer, who holds the key to Batman's secret past.

MPAA rating ‏ : ‎ PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)

Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.52 Ounces

Director ‏ : ‎ Bruce Timm, Eric Radomski

Run time ‏ : ‎ 1 hour and 16 minutes

Release date ‏ : ‎ September 12, 2023

Actors ‏ : ‎ Kevin Conroy, Dana Delany

Subtitles: ‏ : ‎ English

Studio ‏ : ‎ Studio Distribution Services

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0CBQPHLG9

Country of Origin ‏ : ‎ USA

Number of discs ‏ : ‎ 1

Preorder now.

[summer-solo-day]

38/?? Childhood TV Shows You Should Watch

Title: Frankensetin Jr. and The Impossibles

Seasons: 2

Episodes: 18

Run Time: 30 Mins

Original Air Date: September 10, 1966 - January 17, 1967

Synopsis:

Frankenstein Jr.: Taking place in Civic City, boy scientist Buzz Conroy and his father Professor Conroy fight supervillains with the aid of a powerful heroic robot named "Frankenstein Jr." Buzz built "Frankie" and activated him through an energy ring.

The Impossibles: The title characters are a trio of superheroes who pose undercover as a Beatlesesque rock music band. The characters' names are descriptive of their powers: Multi-Man can create identical copies of himself; Coil-Man can form into a super-springy coil; and Fluid-Man can transform his body into any fluid. The heroes receive assignments from "Big D", who contacts them via a receiver in the base of Coil-Man's left-handed guitar.

My Rating: 6/10

My Reasoning:

Okay, so it's not a bad show. To be honest the format is a little weird so it loses some points for that. I'm not really fond of it being like one show but split into two shows. I also don't find it super memorable so it loses some points for that too. It's been a long time since I watched it, but I do remember liking some aspects of it. I'm quite fond of Frankenstein Jr's character. I don't remember like The Impossibles that much but you know it is what it is.

I still think you should check it out for yourself. You might enjoy it a lot more than I did.

[cartoonygothopossum]

After I first started watching Frankenstein Jr. and the Impossibles, I thought that Frankenstein Jr. and Buzz Conroy kinda reminded me of Baymax and Hiro Hamada from Big Hero 6. Both duos are of a school-aged boy and a large, heroic robot. Interesting coincidence?

[inkandichxr]

“Have you seen yourself?” He shot back her compliment, a little smile playing at his lips. Flirting was fun, easy, and it didn’t hurt that she looked so lovely sitting there either. It was just a shame that he had to be so quiet about it, that he couldn’t reach over and put his hand on her knee, toy with the hem of her skirt and tease that he might slip his hand inside of it. He wouldn’t, not in public like this. Definitely not in the lobby of her agency but he’d like to tease her that he would. Aurora had the right idea about going into this level headed and he really needed to stop entertaining the thoughts that would get them in trouble. With a firm nod, he agreed. It was time to face this thing, side by side.

Letting Aurora lead him, Kade wasn’t at all shocked she knew exactly where she was going. He could find his way around the halls of his own agency backward if he wanted to. That was likely because he’d spent so much time there with his parents before he’d ever even had a career of his own. Conroy’s kept in in the family and while they didn’t have the same exact team they all operated out of the same agency. He paused when she did, eyebrows raised as she mentioned needing to tell him something but it was too late. A familiarity leapt out from behind the door, Kade easily identifying some of what was going on. He worked with his own family all the time but not in this capacity. It was only confirmed at the introduction, Aurora and this woman with their matching last names. She was intimidating but he wondered how much of that was the fact that he had just fucked her daughter hours ago.

“Call me Kade, please.” Slipping his hand into the one offered, Kade gave a smile and a firm shake. He’d been taught well and now was as good a time as any to show that off. “And I would apologize but I’m not sure what I’ve done to create such a buzz. You’ll have to forgive me for that, things are a lot more lax in my camp. Maybe why I’m in such a mess to begin with.” Already working on coloring himself the problem, Kade would sell it soon enough. “You are Aurora’s mother, I see. I didn’t know she worked so closely with her family - that’s wonderful. I’m sure you know the Conroys like to keep close as well.” He shot a glance at Aurora, hoping she was doing okay and at the same time trying to tell her that he understood now. No wonder she didn’t want to leave her team.

The moment Kade sat down across from her, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest. That didn't mean that all her worries had vanished, but they seemed much easier to overcome with him so near. And he was so near. It would barely take anything for her to reach over and slide her hand up his leg, and for a split second, she even considered doing just that. But it was a bad idea. Not just because they were sitting out in the open, in the lobby of her agency. But because she didn't need her mind clouded. She hadn't really told him anything about what to expect from this meeting -- and truthfully, she wasn't sure what to expect, herself -- but there was one thing that she should probably warn him about. And soon.

She nodded slightly as he spoke, closing her eyes briefly. Still bent over at the waist, she glanced up at him then, the smallest hint of a smile on her painted lips. "God, you look good." She whispered, holding his gaze for a moment before she straightened, brushed a hand across her skirt, then stood. "Alright. Let's go then." She led them through the corridors that she knew like the back of her hand, where she had been spending the majority of her time since she was little. She glanced at Kade a few times, but as they got closer to their destination, she stopped turning around to make sure he was still there; her mind was racing too much to even remember he was there. As they reached the large doors, she suddenly turned to face Kade, fingertips brushing his chest. "Kade I have to tell you--"

Before she could get the words out, the door was opening. An older woman smiled at them, then took Aurora's hands. "Darling, it's so good to see you. Wish it were under better circumstances, hmm? Your father sends his love, he's at some conference or other this weekend." She sighed dramatically, waving a hand flippantly, before turning her gaze to Kade, offering out a well-manicured hand for him to shake. "Caroline Brock. You've certainly created quite a buzz around here, Mr. Conroy, let me tell you." She turns, gesturing them in with a hooked finger. "Well, come on in, you two. Let's have a chat."

[comic-covers]

(1967)

[johnbyrnedraws]

Frankenstein Jr. & Buzz Conroy commission by John Byrne. 2012.

[magic-missle-blog]

Ghost division 2 – The belly of the beast

2nd story in what will hopefully be a series. Roughly 6k words. Hope you enjoy

:readmore:

Four missiles streaked through the darkness of space from the canadation destroyer as it smashed through the human battle group.

The warship TDF Glasgow rocked as a missile impacted the hull. Point defence had taken out three others but the fourth slammed into the starboard side.

“Damage report!” the captain shouted as he swivelled his command chair to face the tactical officer.

“The hull plating is scorched and buckled, but no internal damage. We were lucky.” The tactical officer replied, shouting to be heard over the various alarms and beeps in the small bridge.

“We cant rely on luck. If we get hit again its your head!” The captain growled. His hair was cut close to his scalp and a sheen of sweat reflected in the bright yellow light on his dark skin.

Tactical officer Rotchford nodded. Her brow furrowed as she quickly typed into her console. “don’t worry I’m on it, I’ve analysed the firing pattern and I can probably take out most of the missiles, its those fucking fighters and energy weapons I cant do a thing about.”

Just as she finished speaking a swarm of small locust shaped fighters buzzed passed the ship, pelting the armour with energy weapons.

Turrets tracked the fighters, spitting hypersonic tungsten shells. One of the Canidation fighters exploded, the rest of the group took evasive action and continued on the attack run through the human fleet.

The ship rocked again and various alarms clamoured for attention. Lights on the bridge flickered.

Captain Conroy nodded and straightened his uniform. He brought up a tactical display on the console built into his chair.

Five Canidation warships had engaged the fleet of seven Terran defence force destroyers and the humans were loosing badly. The Canidations had the firepower and faster ships. Fighters swarmed over the fleet firing kinetic weapons and lasers, some with great effect.

He watched as another of the fleet exploded. That was the second ship they had lost. The battle had been raging for what felt like hours but in reality it was only 30 minutes. The Canidations had dropped out of hyperspace in this remote system to ambush a Human supply run. The freighters had escaped unharmed but the escort fleet couldn’t leave, not without leaving this Canidation battle group free reign to attack other convoys.

“Shit. That was the Newcastle!” the first officer said “Fleet captain Broadie…he was a good man”

The computer screamed out a proximity warning as another salvo of missiles streaked towards them, but true to her word the tactical officers new point defence programme took them all out. She returned fire with the main cannon as the destroyer elegantly swung around, scoring a direct hit to the Canidations engines. The insectoid ship vented atmosphere and appeared to lose power as running lights flickered out and the ship drifted

The other enemy ships moved towards the remaining fleet.

“Scan that ship, is it dead?” Conroy commanded the science officer as the warship rocked under more impacts

“yeah it appears… Fuck” the science officer said as his console went dark and the lights cut out.

A few moments later the ships emergency power kicked in and the lights came back on, but dull red colour. His console lit up. “ yeah its dead. I think. Scans are all over the place.”

Conroy nodded, as the most senior officer left in the tattered fleet he assumed command.. “signal the fleet. Lets get the fuck out of here...but slowly, I want to draw them away from that damaged ship.” He plotted a course that would take them deep into the Oort cloud of this system.

The remaining ships of the Terran defence force broke off the engagement and retreated. Caught by surprise at the sudden change in tactics, The Canidations stopped dead, recalled the fighters then followed, slowly gaining ground on the slower terran warships.

Glancing at his command console captain Conroy opened fleet wide comms. Signalling the other commanders he said “Listen up people. Once we are in that cloud drop sensor decoys try to buy me some time . I’m going to double back and capture that ship.”

The crew looked at him in astonishment

“Damn” said the first officer. “And I thought today was going to be a quiet day.”

************************************

The war against the Canidations had been raging for 3 months, and the Terran empire was losing.

The Canidations ships were more advanced, and they had the numbers. The only saving grace is that the Canidations were fighting two other larger empires. Humanity, as a relatively new race to the galactic stage, hadn’t been seen as a concern. Almost an afterthought.

No one knew why the war started. Canidations were a reclusive species. They had no trade with the wider galactic community, no embassies, no contact at all. No one really even knew if “Canidation” was their species name. They stayed in their home systems, A group of a dozen or so stars a few light years around the Canadathon, their home world.

A decade ago the Canidations has blasted out of their home system with an over powering military force and attacked a neighbouring world without warning. Everything was a viable target to them and they didn’t take prisoners…or at least they didn’t keep them alive for long.

For ten long years they attacked and destroyed any neighbouring species, expanding their empire. The first races, unused to galactic warfare on such a scale had fallen quickly. Other species had tried to build up their own military force but simply didn’t have the infrastructure in place and couldn’t come close to the Canidations speed of production. It seemed like for every Canidation ship that fell two more would take its place.

The Canidations were an insectoid race, they looked like an unholy amalgamation of a spiders body with a praying mantis torso, like an insect centaur. They didn’t seem to capture any world they won, they destroyed it. Left it a lifeless husk, took any easily accessible resources then moved on like locusts. Maybe they would be back to terraform it later, maybe not. No one knew.

The destruction on such a scale seemed senseless, and completely alien. Not even the best human generals, phycologists or philosophers could come up with a reason for this carnage.

What was known was they had a lot of ships. More than every other military in this region of space combined. They had been building up for decades and it seemed like now was the time to unleash their might.

******************************

The Glasgow had ducked behind a dwarf planet in the Oort cloud and waiting while the remaining fleet had drawn the Canidations away, then used a risky in system jump to get back quickly to the battlefield. They had scanned for survivors of the destroyed Terran ships but unfortunately found plenty of debris but no life signs.

TDF Glasgow slowly drew up alongside the crippled Canidation vessel, comms jammers at full power blocking any communication from the hulk. It had been few hours since the shot had crippled the Bug ship, but it was still drifting without any main power, its engines dark and cooling.

It looked like reserve power had kicked in and there was several Canidations on the main hull close to the breach in what looked like dark space suits, although it could have been their flesh. Conroy didn’t know enough about the species to tell. It was obvious the Canidations were trying to repair the damage.

The insectoid ship was large, at least half again as big as the Glasgow and followed an unorthodox design. It was nothing like the sleek Terran ships, whose lines were reminiscent of the war planes that fought in earth’s skies in the 20th century. Human ships were long and sleek, with swept back retractable wings protruding from the mid section to allow atmosphere flight when fully extended. Canidation was bulky, and looked like a flattened pinecone and close range scans showed it be highly modular.

The bridge appeared to be at on top of the bulky front section. Conroy guessed below this would be weapons, crew quarters and the like. Engineering and the ships drive core, and sub light engines must be located in the tapering end. Cannons clustered around the front with turrets in two rows along the top and bottom of the ship.

Conroy assumed there would be about 60 or so crew on board. Terran destroyers had a crew of 30 plus 10 marines. Not good odds Conroy thought.

“Easy to build, quick to swap different sections out if needed” Science officer McCallum said as he looked over the data.

Conroy nodded to Commander Paulson, the first office. “Pauly, get a boarding party ready. Find any intel you can get your hands on but don’t take any stupid risks. Focus on engineering, medical, ship deployments, shit we can find to kill these things.” Looking at McCallum “what do they need?”

McCallum brought up all the information he had on Canidations, which wasn’t a lot.

“Scans show gravity and life support is still active and the ship has atmosphere, although I use the term loosely. Their air is made up of 30% oxygen, 15% Co2, 10% Hydrogen sulphide, the rest is nitrogen, water vapour and trace gasses. Average temperature is roughly 30 degrees Celsius and humidity is close to 70%. Gravity is low, roughly 0.6G. So basically your walking into a hot sweaty hellhole that’ll smell like Satan’s ass. Enjoy” he finished with a laugh.

Paulson looked at the captain “Gee thanks Boss, you give me all the best jobs. Breathing units all round then.” He saluted as he left the bridge.

“Mac…what killed this ship? Did we get a lucky shot?”

McCallum looked over his reading for a few moments. “Yeah, very lucky. Looks like there is a weakness around the main engine core on this ship. Plasma exhaust has weakened the hull armour in a small area right above the main power linkage, its little better than paper. Must be a design flaw…if that shot had hit even a few meters on either side it wouldn’t have made a dent.”

Rotchford laughed. “luck had nothing to do with it. It’s pure skill.”

She grinned

Conroy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah yeah if you say so” he said grinning. Conroy didn’t mind a bit of banter with the bridge crew. He felt it build camaraderie and they all worked better as a result.

Turning to Macallum he said

“Deep scan this bitch, I see what else you can find, anything that’ll give us an edge.”

From over the other side of the bridge the tactical offer said “Captain, I think I’ve found something too. The missiles on the ship are armed.”

Conroy looked over “So?”

Rotchford brushing her brown bangs that had escaped from the severe bun on her head said “Our missiles auto arm a second after launch to prevent any accidents, these appear to pre arm before launch, Probably as soon as they find a hostile ship. Once direct hit could detonate the entire missile battery. The armour is thick but the launch tubes are vulnerable . “

“Comms” Conroy said excitedly “Tight beam the rest of the fleet and let them know what we’ve found…might give them an edge.”

Turning back to tactical

“Why would they do that?”

Rotchford shrugged. “not sure. It does mean the missiles can be fired much closer then we can shoot. Out missiles travel so fast that by the time they arm they’re a couple of hundred kilometres away, makes them useless for close engagements. By pre-arming them they get around that problem. Makes it almost impossible to shoot them down when the bugs get in close.”

Minutes passed slowly. Soon the boarding party was on board a small ship to ship shuttle and on route to dock with the crippled ship.

The shuttle did a quick fly over the damaged section and fired small arms at the Canidations working on the damaged hull, Killing the repair team. The aliens magnetic grips kept the bodies stuck to the hull like bugs splattered by a windscreen.

McCallum looked up “I’ve found something else captain, it wont help us now but I think we can take advantage of it.”

He put his display on the main screen, All eyes turned to it.

“I thought about using some kind of plasma weapon to weaken the armour of the whole ship, and that’ll probably work, we don’t use plasma tech, but I’m sure the weapons experts back home can build something.” He took a breath “Anyway, that got me thinking, Plasma is basically really hot ionized gas. Its expelled as exhausts right away as too much heat inside the ship it bad. As you know its almost impossible to loose heat in space, so we use active cooling systems to…”

Conroy interrupted before McCallum could go into a lecture on the finer points of starship heat management. “Get to the point”

Mccallum looked sheepish “Sorry sir, anyway, the Canidations seem to use radiator panels, they’re well armoured but vulnerable to excessive heat. A focussed laser beam could overload them. If they cant loose heat they’ll cook inside the ships.”

“Well done Mac, get everything we’ve found so far and bundle the data ready for transmission back to HQ”

Minutes dragged as Mccallum compiled the data.

Everyone was on eggshells, watching the boarding shuttle latch on to the Canidation hull and begin cutting through. Tactical constantly scanning for any Canidation ships that might be inbound. Conroy wondered how the rest of the fleet was fairing. The TDF ships were more manoeuvrable than the larger Canidation warships, so as long as they kept in a dense part of the Oort cloud, dodging comets and dwarf planets then the TDF ships should have an advantage.

*****************************

Inside the shuttle the atmosphere was tense. Paulson looked over the assembled combat team. All had breathing units over their lower faces. The units would filter out the harmful gasses and reduce the oxygen pressure to something breathable, but as they weren’t full space suits or fully sealed Paulson knew the stench would get through, he grinned inwardly he hadn’t told the team what the Canidation air was like, he wanted to see the reactions.

The ten member boarding team all had dark grey combat armour, and each carried a small side arm and a combat knife. Eight also carried an assault rifle with enough ammo to take on a small army, the other two combat engineers carried various tools and computer equipment. Their mission was to hack into any systems they could find and mine it for data.

The shuttle bumped into the hull and latched on. A magnetic tube made an air tight seal around the hatch. It opened to show a sold hull. The engineers immediately started cutting to gain access. It was slow going. Armour that can withstand heavy ship weapons wont easily fail to small plasma torches.

Sargent Waltham stepped up next to Paulson. “We’re ready to go” She said coolly.

Paulson nodded. “Get in and secure the area. Set up fire lines kill anything that’s got more than two legs.” He said to Waltham.

She was tall, blonde, very pretty in hard way. People, especially men, tended to underestimate her due to her looks, thinking she was just a made up barbie doll. Paulson had thought the same thing once, until she kicked his ass in hand to hand training. The first round he went easy on her and he was flat on his back in 5 seconds. The second round he went all out, and to his credit, he managed to last a full 7 seconds before she had him pined, face pressed against the floor and his left arm twisted up his back. Waltham, like all the other,s had earned her place in the combat team, but unlike the men she had to continually prove she deserved to be there. This constant striving for perfection had made her one of the best solders Paulson had ever worked with.

The thick hull armour fell inwards with a heavy thunk. The sound echoed around the shuttle. The stench of rotten eggs filler the small enclosed space and everyone wrinkled their noses.

“For fucks sake… is this ship full of farts?” Jones, the lead combat engineer said.

Paulson grinned. “Ok move out. Slow and steady, I don’t want any fuck ups.”

The team moved slowly into the alien vessel. The interior was dark, smelly and hot, lighting was a deep red that cast odd shadows. Paulson didn’t know if this was normal or if it was due to low power.

Waltham took her place first in line as the engineers cleared the hull and opened a portal to the interior of the ship. She directed one of her team , Ramerez, a young marine on his first away mission , hang back and guard the shuttle just encase they needed to make a quick exit.

Ramerez took position just inside the the shuttle door, he pulled a couple of boxes containing emergency supplies across the entrance and dug in.

The rest of the team followed her lead, with Paulson acting as rear guard, scanning the corridor behind him with a quick practiced eye.

One of the marines whispered in a low voice “damn, this is weird.”

“what is? Looks like a normal ship corridor to me” Paulson said

“sir...that’s what I mean. I expected...well dirt..or tunnels like that old movie ‘Aliens’. You know, the one where the dildo bursts out of some guys chest and all these Marines hunt it down? I mean they’re bugs for Christ’s sake..but this just looks normal.”

Paulson shook his head.“Lay off the old horror flicks. Keep it together”.

Looking at a handheld scanner Jones said “looks like there might be a room down the corridor to the right, I’m reading power spikes, it could be a place I can hack into there systems.”

The team crept inward, the low gravity giving them a bounce to their steps. They were searching for a room with a computer access, but all the could see were long featureless corridors. The came to a junction and as they passed a blast of plasma energy almost took Walthams head off. She Pulled back just in time, lightning quick reflexes saving her life. As it was the plasma shot singed her combat helmet.

Risking another blast, Waltham popped her head around then quickly pulled it back. Three Canidations waited around the corner, plasma rifles at the ready for another shot.

Pulling a flashbang from her belt she leaned out and expertly tossed he weapon into the centre of the group, a second later a loud BANG and a FLASH of bright light lit up the corridor. She could hear a smattering of legs as the Canidations fell back. Her and two of her team ran around keeping low and opened fire. The sound of the assault rifles sounded odd in the dense air. the Canidations tried to return fire but there shots went wide, scorching the metal bulkheads, obviously still blinded by the light. The skirmish was over quickly.

The team crept up slowly to the dead aliens. One in the was headless. Its body twitched, a dark yellow fluid pumping from its neck. The other two were still. Red faceted eyes that took up most of the head were dull and lifeless. Mandibles closed tighter than a vice.

Bullets had ripped the skinny top part of one in half, and the others larger thorax between the spiders-like legs was riddled and leaking the same yellow fluid.

The team looked at the corpses, they were…creepy. They unnerved the humans just looking at them. Jones knelt down and pointed something out. “Look, this one has a couple of cybernetic legs. That one has a cybernetic head…That’s so weird. Gives me the creeps.”

Paulson looked. “Why weird?”

“Think of what this means. They use medical tech to repair wounds. Replace missing limbs like we do. You don’t think of bugs caring for individuals I guess. I assumed they would be like a hive, like ants or termites just mindless soldier’s, disposable and replaceable. Maybe they’re more than that.“

One of the other marines, Patel a tall solid build man with a cold gaze said in a whisper “They’re like spiders, I fucking hate spiders. Normal spiders are bad enough but these are super sized fuckers with guns. “

He shivered as a cold chill ran down his spine. Taking one last place at the dead Canadation he walked slowly past, rifle ready for another attack.

As the team moved on one of the corpses stood up with a clatter. It swiped at a passing trooper with its upper limbs, razor sharp claws sliced across his face and chest, cutting flesh and the scoring deep cuts on his combat armour. He fell back shocked. The headless alien thrashed about, seemingly attracted to the noise the shocked humans made. It tried to reach for another one but a burst of fire from Waltham’s rifle tore through its thorax . the alien twitched again then fell back. She crept up, gun ready and kicked the corpse. No reaction. It was truly dead.

Patel looked a mess, his face had been cut to the bone, but he’d live. Two others helped bandage him up.

“fucking fuckitty fucking spiders! “ he shouted and kicked the corpse, holding his wounded face and blood soaked bandages.

“get back to the shuttle” Waltham commanded him.

He nodded, his face screwed up in pain, The bandages soaking with blood. He got to his feet and headed back the way he came.

Paulson looked at jones “What the fuck?”

Jones shrugged “I’m no medical expert, but I guess a head shot wont kill them. Maybe they keep their brains in there ass or something, I guess the head is just for eating and seeing.” Pointing to the Canidation with the cybernetic head “Maybe loosing the head for them is just like loosing an eye for us? Or maybe they’re like cockroaches. We should drag these things back to the shuttle. Medical back at HQ would have a field day.”

Paulson nodded “team, forget headshots, aim for the centre mass.” He directed a couple of team member to take the most intact body back to the shuttle “Keep it under guard…just in case”

The diminished team made there way deeper into the ship. Paulson was aware of the time he was taking, he knew The Glasgow couldn’t wait forever, but he wanted more than a few dead bugs. Soon they came across an empty room. The door was closed but a kick and a shove and it slid back into the wall. The team entered. Looking around, there was a lot of electronics that Paulson couldn’t guess the function off. Jones quickly set up his scanner. Pulling open a panel he found circuit boards. After quick scan he attached a lead from his scanner to one of the chips.

“If i can hack this, this should give me access” he worked quickly The rest of the team took up positions around the door. Paulson moved to the back of the room and signalled Waltham.

“thoughts? He said after she walked over

Waltham shrugged “they don’t seem too tough. Decent weapons though.“ she pointed to the plasma rifle she’d captured.

“hows things between you two?” he nodded to Jones

Relationships were against regulations but as long as it was discreet no one really minded. It could be lonely in deep space.

Waltham smiled. “he’s sweet, like a puppy. Always eager to please. But utterly fearless too. He could be a great soilder, but likes his gizmos too much.”

“Yeah jones is a good one.” Paulson agreed. He’s been friends with jones for years. They grew up in the same town went to the same high school, and went through training together.

Minutes ticked by. Jones had attached a large data cube to his scanner. He came over to the pair while the data downloaded “. I can copy the full ships hard drive. Shouldn’t take long. There’s not a lot of data, mainly seems to be the ships opperating system. Seems pretty basic. I did find something interesting though, I found ship schematic. We’re not far from a path to fire control. Its down the end of that corridor out there. “

Paulson thought for a second. “no, we have enough we need to get back”

Just as he said that his communicator beeped. It was the shuttle “Sir, get back here we need to go! A Canidation warship is on approach, ETA 7 minutes!”

“Ok people pack your shit up, we need to get out of here! Double time!”

The team grabbed there gear and quickly made there way back into the corridor. Several canidations ran down the steel hallway, the hack had triggered some kind of security protocol. These Canidations didn t have weapons but they moved so fast in the lower gravity that the quickly closed the distance, soon it was a melee, claw against fist.

****************

Alarms cried out for attention on the bridge of the Glasgow. A Canidation warship was closing in.

“eta?” asked Conroy. His calm voice a counterpoint to the frantic activity on the bridge.

“roughly 7 minutes until weapons range. I’ve contacted the shuttle”. maccalum replied.

Conroy nodded. Looking at the helmsman her said “keep that bug ship in between us. We’re smaller and so keep us in its shadow and hopefully they won’t get a weapons lock.”

Nodding, through helmsman fired up the thrusters.

“’ll try time get a target lock on the missile batteries.” Rotchford reported as she programmed the ships turrets.

Captain Conroy starred at the main screen, his fingers tapping a rhythm on the arm of his command seat.

Paulson tried to get a clear shot as a canidaton reared up on its four rear legs. It brought its full weight down on Waltham. Its mandibles opened and snapped closed right over her head. Only her quick thinking and combat helmet saved her from decapitation. She ducked her head and trusting the hardened carbon nanotube and ceramic construction she head-butted the bug right in its open mouth. Mandibles crunched against the helm. The force of through blow and the weight of the bug staggered her for a second, but years of hand to hand training came to her and with a twist and a flick she grabbed the alien and slammed it against the bulkhead. The lower gravity and adrenaline giving her almost superhuman strength.

Her combat knife flashed on the low light as she stabbed the mantis like torso. There was resistance then with a crunch she forced the blade through the carapace. The bug shuddered and wrenched. Flailing its limbs then it was still.

The skirmish was over as quickly as it started. Looking around Paulson shouted “sound off”

A chorus of voices said “here” or “i’m good”

A few troopers took minor injuries but no fatalities.

They sprinted down the corridor. The sound of gunfire brought them up short. The bugs were trying to capture the shuttle. Paulson knew if they lost that they were dead.

A scream echoed down the steel corridor. One of his men had fallen. Canidations pressed on.

“We need a distraction” Paulson shouted to Waltham over the blaring alarms.

“i have an idea. Hold here for a few seconds”

With that she sprinted back the way she came. Moments later an explosion rocked the ship. The lights and gravity cut out, then seconds later they came back on. The unprepared soilders hit the ground but were quickly back on there feet, the Canidations were not as lucky, they were a tangle of legs and claws further down the corridor.

Seizing his chance, Paulson shouting a battle cry and his boarding party fell in the bugs from behind. The battle was short and brutal but they pushed through just as Waltham returned. Her hair was burned and armour scorched.

“What the fuck did you do?” shouted Paulson

“I overloaded that plasma rifle and tossed it in the fire control room. I think we need to get out of here, that room is burning and it’s right next to the missiles”

Once everyone was on board the hatch slammed shut and the shuttle detached then raced back to the Glasgow, just as another explosion ripped through the Canidation warship. A series of smaller explosion’s rocked the ship them with a blast like a supernova the power core blew up. The shuttle was caught in the fireball but escaped with minor damage.

Paulson looked at his and bruised team as the shuttle pilot plotted a course back to the Glasgow.

Paulson pushed one of the Canidation corpses to the side, making down room in the small shuttle. He sat next to the body of a young man, almost a boy. Ramerez. It was his first tour, he was 18 and fresh out of boot camp. Ramerez had taken a plasma blast to the chest. His armour was burned through. Mercifully he had been killed instantly.

************

Conroy watched as the Canidation ship exploded. The shuttle streaked towards the hanger.

“well... shit” he said “get the shuttle on board and get ready to bug out”

calls of “aye” and “yessir” Echoed around the bridge..

The Canidation warship closed in, spitting fire and death at the Glasgow. Point defence destroyed the incoming missiles but the ship rocked from impacts

The Glasgow returned fire, turrets pounded the underside of the Canidation ship as it passed overhead passing through the expanding could of gas and debris.

The helmsman kept a steady course until the shuttle was back in then started evasive manoeuvres, he would have to hold the ship steady for a few moments to allow the hyperdrive to spin up, but the Canidation ship was not making it easy.

“Shuttle is on board. Prepare for Jump in 3...2...1...”

The ship lurched to the side and spun almost 90 degrees, crew members were thrown around the bridge like sticks caught in a hurricane. Alarms blared.

The main lights were down, red emergency lamps cast an eerie glow. Groans came from the crew

Rochford pulled herself back into her seat. Blood running from a head wound. She checked her console “sir..the hyperdrive core has been hit. We’re venting plasma and atmosphere...main power is down. Weapons down....the Canidations are coming around for another pass...”

Before Conroy could respond an explosion tore through the bridge as a missile impacted the armour surrounding the command center.

A ceiling panel that had been knocked loose earlier in the fight fell with a resounding crash pinning Conroy to his command chair and knocking him unconscious. Bones snapped under the force of the impact.

Rochford as the most senior officer left standing opened ship wide Comms “all hands. This is commander rochford. The captain is incapacitated abandon ship. I repeat abandon ship”

She moved as quickly as she could to try to help Conroy, Macallum was at his side trying to move the panel. “mac..leave him. We need to go...” she grabbed his arm “come on...move it soldier” macallum looked at the damaged viewscreen. The Canidation ship was baring down. Any second now it’s main cannons would finish the job. They were out of time.

White hot plasma blasts leaped from the Canidation vessel tearing across the cold black darkness. Promising death to the Glasgow.

A flash and a massive lurch pulled maccalum and Rotchford off their feet, but it wasn’t a weapon impact. It was the lurch of a gravity field forming a few miles away as a ship dropped out of hyperdrive.

A dangerous and potentially fatal move – a single miscalculation could have dropped the new ship right on top of them - but it saved the Glasgow. The rest of the fleet, the few ships that remained had jumped back to help. The TDF New York had jumped In front of the plasma blasts. Taking the hit that would have finished the Glasgow off. It opened up with its main cannons, rail guns blasting the armour above the Canidations missile batteries. Another Terran defence force ship TDF Cardiff jumped in behind and opened up on the bugs with everything it had. The Canidation vessel was powerful, but it couldn’t withstand the combined firepower of the vengeful human warships.

Explosion and explosion, hit after hit. The Canidations withered under the combined firepower and with a final flash it vanished as it’s fusion plant exploded.

The TDF Glasgows communication system beeped for attention. Maccalum moved slowly across

“This is captain Yoshimoyo on the New York. Prepare to receive medic and engineering teams. Your information won us the day Glasgow. All Canidation vessels have been destroyed. This is the first human victory in this war...”

“This is science officer McCallum. “thanks for the help. That was a risky move I owe your helmsman a beer. Captain Conroy has been injured. We don’t know how bad, the ship has taken heavy damage.

*****************

Weeks later Captain Conroy stood in front of admiral Wong.

Conroy had spent most of the time unconscious. His injuries sever, but with advanced medical skill, talented doctors and a dash of luck he had made a full recovery.

“Captain” the admiral began “I’m glad to see you’re back on your feet. I’ve out an official commendation for yourself and your entire crew. The information you fought so hard for will prove invaluable in this conflict”

Wong continued “The data contained ship specifications, technical manuals, training documents and recent fleet movements. With that information we’ve managed to push the Canidations back in a number of theatres , you and your crew have saved thousands of human lives. We all owe you a debt captain.”

“Thank you sir...i'm eager to get back to the Glasgow sir, to get back in the fight.”

The admiral shook his head

“I’m afraid not Conroy. The Glasgow was heavily damaged and will require months of repairs and refit. We can’t have a seasoned crew out of action for so long. You and your crew are being reassigned.”

Wong passed a pad to the captain

“Our newest, most powerful warship. The TDF Lucifer. You’ll be part of a task force – the ghost division. The Canidations are throwing more and more ships against us, and while we’ve slowed the advance to a crawl we are still loosing. You’ll go behind enemy lines and fight a guerrilla war. Do everything you can to bring the bugs down. Everything is a viable target, including the Canidation homeworld. Teach them to fear the wraith of Earth.”

End

[chernobog13]

Frankenstein Jr. and his creator, Buzz Conroy, courtesy of Steve Rude.

Just as Hanna-Barbera's The Mighty Mightor resembled Marvel Comics' Thor in concept, Frankenstein Jr. was very similar to the Japanese anime Gigantor (aka Tetsujin 28).

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Aries

Wait for nightfall, turn on the AM Radio, and listen to the voices whispering to you from hundreds of kilometers away. The magic of radio is an amazing thing to witness. You might even turn it into a hobby! Just don’t touch the high voltage vacuum tubes!

Taurus

Don’t skip those annoying YouTube ads this week. You’re going to spot someone you know in one this week. They still owe you for that extra slice of pizza from back in high school. Call them up and get that 85-cents plus interest paid off, finally.

Gemini

The stars have decided to be merciful to you this week, Gemini. So last week’s fire at Scorpio’s house that you caused, you will not be held responsible for. Just remember that the pendulum can swing both ways. Stay alert.

Cancer Moon-Child

When we told you last week that you could end this Dungeons and Dragons game by, QUOTE… Just back-stab someone and get it over with, UNQUOTE… We did NOT mean the Dungeon Master! NOW who’s house are we gunna go to on the weekends? The Stars are cutting you off this week until you learn your lesson.

Leo

Your usual summertime activities of lying on a beach and reading a book sounds like a good idea. Just be mindful of the colour of your swimsuit if you’re going to take a dip in the water. White is not your colour.

Virgo

Last week we asked you, what 1966 Hanna-Barbera cartoon featured Buzz Conroy, father Professor Conroy, and a giant robot? The youngest of you looked it up on Wikipedia because you were curious, those slightly older knew the answer was “Frankenstein Jr.”, and the OLDEST of you said the Almost-Right-Answer; “Frankenstein Jr. & The Impossibles”. All of you in the last group need to schedule an Over-50 Medical Checkup with your physician soon.

Libra

After trying to microwave a blender and having that go… Poorly… Maybe you could see if there’s an organization that does Quality Assurance on fire extinguishers. You know, since you know a little something about that now. OH! And as we learned, it is NOT a good idea to microwave those.

Scorpio

Your fire insurance company called: turns out even though it was Gemini’s fault for the fire, you’re the one to blame for hosting the event. And the fire fighter with the big three-inch hose who gave you his phone number? “Nine-One-One” is NOT a personal phone number. Stop calling.

Sagittarius

Go to a drive-in movie this week. It’s relatively cheap, you can bring your own over-buttered popcorn, never have to worry about the view, and if you decide to get frisky you won’t have security escorting you out... again.

Capricorn

There are differences in American and Italian Sign Languages. Please stop trying to use them together like you’re Hispanic trying to speak a combination of English and Spanish in the same sentence. You’re just pissing everyone off.

Aquarius

The heat is getting on your nerves and we understand that. But hanging your tongue out of your face and panting like a cat isn’t gaining you any followers on Instagram. Just take a cool shower every few hours to stay safe.

Pisces

Coffee is life’s great conundrum. You want it in the morning to help wake up. But at that point you’re not conscious enough to make it safely. So you need coffee to make the coffee. Your only choices are stay awake all night, or get a 1974 Mr. Coffee with the built in timer. Since we don’t trust you with fire and water in the mornings, get the coffee machine.

[dannyhax0r]

hanna-barbera action cartoon headcanons

birdman calls avenger “old sport” like in the great gatsby

frankenstein jr is too big to do normal things and buzz conroy is contemplating redesigning him so he’s much smaller

space ghost is surprisingly rough on jan and jace, even threatening to blast them with his power bands when they annoy him (like how most parents threaten to punish their children when they annoy them)

young samson buys beer in his adult form, and people believe his fake id because of it

blue falcon and multi-man are gay, but not for each other

birdman’s favorite group is the supremes

gravity girl is lesbian

birdgirl is bi

black vulcan has amazing disco moves and likes to strike the john travolta pose when using his lightning like bass in mega man & bass

jonny and hadji like to have prank wars

people like to mock apache chief for dressing like a stereotypical native american but he repeatedly claims his people actually dressed like that

jan and jace know the wonder twins and frequently hang out with them

mightor is actually pretty dumb (dumb muscle) and sheena calls him out for his stupidity

when chuck and nancy get lazy, shazzan plays a song he made up called “i ain’t your genie”

kid comet listens to janet jackson songs when he’s alone

zandor invented the ball on amzot and uses it to play catch with dorno

[pagetgram]

Paget Brewster, Bay Dariz, and Oliver Thompson at the 18th Annual Dance With Films Festival Opening Night Party (x)

Paget: “I had worked with Kyle and Molly before. Molly sent me the script and my first thought was, “Ugh, first-time indie director — oh man, I don’t know!” And then I read it and instantly fell in love with the story. I’ve never read anything like it. So I emailed Molly back right away and said, “What do I have to do to get on this film?”  

(full interview below)

Interview: Oliver Thompson’s ‘Welcome to Happiness��� Is the Most Original Indie You’ll See This Year

by Danny Miller, for Cinehiled

Welcome to Happiness is a wildly entertaining metaphysical drama about a children’s book author, Woody (American Sniper’s Kyle Gallner), who is the secret gatekeeper to a magical door in his closet. Strangers show up at his apartment and go through a series of questions and tests, provided to Woody by an old dot matrix printer that seems to work autonomously, letting him determine whether or not they are worthy to pass through the door. Where they are headed and what they will encounter on the other side, however, is a mystery. Oliver Thompson’s first feature is one of the most refreshingly original films that I’ve seen in a long time. It had a jam-packed screening last night at the 18th Annual Dances With Films festival in Hollywood and recently won the Outstanding Achievement in Filmmaking Award at the 2015 Newport Beach Film Festival. Welcome to Happiness boasts an impressive cast including Nick Offerman, Paget Brewster, Frances Conroy, Brendan Sexton III, Olivia Thirlby, Molly C. Quinn, Keegan Michael-Key, and Josh Brener. Just before the film’s Los Angeles premiere, I sat down with writer/director Oliver Thompson, producer Bay Dariz, and cast members Paget Brewster and Brendan Sexton III. I sat down with writer/director Oliver Thompson, producer Bay Dariz, and cast members Paget Brewster and Brendan Sexton III.

Danny Miller: I loved this movie but as I was watching it I kept thinking that no studio would have allowed you to make it. They probably would have forced a lot of changes on you because they wouldn’t have trusted that audiences would “get it.”

Oliver Thompson: Oh, they absolutely would have, yes.

Paget Brewster: This could never have been a studio film.

Oliver: I mean, those are absolutely necessary people who are just doing their jobs.

But are they absolutely necessary? I guess I’m thinking of the 22-year-old studio executives giving you pages and pages of insane notes to make the film less “challenging.”

Ooh, that’s pretty accurate.

What I love about movies like this is that they’re like Rorschach tests — I doubt two people seeing it will have the same impression of what’s going on.

Brendan Dean Sexton III: We’ve certainly heard from people who completely identify with different characters.

Brendan, I think I identified most with your character, Nyles, I’m a little terrified to admit.

Bay Dariz: When you say “challenging,” I think that’s true in the sense that the movie challenges the way audience members look at life, but I don’t think it’s some weird art film that’s inaccessible.

Right. It’s more challenging for studio executives who think moviegoers need to always have the answers and know what’s happening.

Brendan: Yeah, I think “challenging” is a good word to use. The characters in the film are challenged to make some decisions after they walk through the door and the film challenges you in terms of how you think about humanity and the meaning of life.

I loved that we didn’t see what happened when they went through that door. Oliver did you ever consider showing that more explicitly?

Oliver: Never! It was suggested to me one time by a producer but I really think that would have wrecked the film.

Paget and Brendan, you are both such busy actors and you and the rest of the cast obviously don’t choose to be in a film like this for a big pay day. What drew you to the project?

Paget: I had worked with Kyle and Molly before. Molly sent me the script and my first thought was, “Ugh, first-time indie director — oh man, I don’t know!” And then I read it and instantly fell in love with the story. I’ve never read anything like it. So I emailed Molly back right away and said, “What do I have to do to get on this film?”

Bay: Molly showed us that email, by the way, did you know that? We all said, “Whaaat?! Paget Brewster is excited about US?”

Paget: Oh my God, really? But it was such an evocative script and I think the movie came together even more beautifully than what you see on the page. The themes are just extraordinary, you don’t find that very often.

Brendan: Yeah, I thought it was a visually compelling literary script that moved really well. Not only was it a great role and a great script, it also tackled big things. Just reading a great script is such a rare thing — getting a chance to be involved with one is an even rarer treat, especially a film that really tackles the human condition.

I love all the little touches like making Kyle Gallner’s Woody a children’s book author.

Oliver: I wanted him to have a certain innocence about him. I used to be a music teacher at a small private school in Michigan — I wanted to have him involved with kids in some way. I toyed with the idea of making him a teacher or even a nanny, but then I went with a more literary approach.

I love that you showed all those children’s books that he wrote. I know they weren’t real but I so wanted them!

What’s crazy is that there’s so much more to those fake books that what you see on the screen. We show the cool front covers but they all have back covers, too, with a photo of Woody, a bio, bar codes, even prices for the U.S. and Canada. Some of those books were completely written and illustrated by Bay!

I love that attention to detail, you should really sell them! How has it been showing the film to audiences?

Before Dances With Films, we only screened it at the Newport Beach Film Festival so far. The audience reaction was overwhelmingly positive — it was just fantastic, better than we could have ever imagined.

It’s crazy that you don’t have a distributor yet but I’m sure that will change very shortly.

We’ve had some people from that world sit down with us and try to prepare us for what we’ll probably hear: “You have to cut the film down to 90 minutes! Change the title! What were you thinking starting your title with a ‘W’?!”

Why is that bad?

Because when you’re on HBO GO, it’ll come up at the end of the alphabetical list.

Oy. Do audience members try to get you to tell them what the film means?

At Newport Beach, we had a phenomenal Q&A after the film. People asked very meaningful questions about things we couldn’t even believe they noticed. We went so long that the theater finally had to kick us out because they were turning off the lights. As far as what the film is about, I don’t think I’m in a place yet to pull the David Lynch “you figure it out on your own” card, but I’d love to get to that place. I think I have to be a little more giving but to tell the truth, it’s fun to talk about that.

You should give wildly different answers every time someone asks you to explain the film.

(Laughs.) That would be great. Did you see that documentary Room 237 about all the supposed meanings behind Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining?

Paget: Oh, that was great! All these conspiracy theorists saying that Kubrick was trying to tell us that we faked the moon landing.

Oliver: Yeah, they presented several different crazy theories including that it was really about the genocide of Native Americans!

You want it to be like that Marshall McLuhan scene in Annie Hall when McLuhan appears in that movie line to tell the pretentious blowhard that all of his theories about his film were total bullshit!

Oliver: I haven’t heard any crazy theories about Welcome to Happiness yet, but who knows?

Brendan: I think the world Oliver created here is so rich and compelling it could lead to crazy theories. I think it would make a great TV show, too.

Oliver: Well, two of my biggest influences for this film were Twin Peaks and Lost. They were buzzing around my head when I wrote this script.

Brendan: You could have a new case every week or maybe focus on three different characters each season who go through the door and see how they intertwine.

Bay: Sshhh! It’s been discussed!

Just promise me you’ll have a series finale that’s less aggravating than the one on Lost!

Oliver: I don’t know. I realize that ending didn’t really answer a lot of questions but I was pretty moved by it. In my opinion, people think they want all the answers, but they really don’t.

Paget: And we’re still talking about that finale five years after the show went off the air! I think that kind of response is a lot better than an ending that is just “meh.”

Oliver: I heard director Nicolas Winding Refn say that if you’ve made something that half the people love and half the people hate, you’ve made something great. But if you make something that everyone loves or everyone hates, you probably haven’t succeeded because it didn’t really penetrate.

He doesn’t have to worry about the lack of people hating his most recent film!

The truth is, I’m very aware that this movie is not for everyone. But look at how many viewers Lost had each week. There was never a more challenging hour on TV! “What did I just watch? I have no idea what’s going on!” And yet people tuned in. I really believe there’s an audience for that kind of stuff. People are smart — they like to think. It’s just that a lot of people controlling the money don’t always realize that people like to be engaged or challenged with thought-provoking material.

Bay: One thing I noticed about our Q&As is that we don’t get a lot of those typical film festival questions.

Oliver: Right. “What did you shoot it on? How long was your shoot?”

Ugh. Who gives a shit?

That’s the thing. In this case, people got right to the heart of the film and wanted to talk about the characters and the themes. People were so engaged by what was on the screen that they didn’t care about what was behind the screen.

[somewhereawrite]

Happy Birthday

Original Fiction

Word Count: 2,268

Warnings: Mentioned Abuse, Brief Suicidal Ideation

TC: Happy birthday dude! 🎂 🎉

IC: thanks

TC: Are you working?

IC: No. I missed my shift

TC: That sucks. Everything ok?

IC: yeah i just got locked out

TC: Of your house?

IC: yeah. I think my dad changed the locks cuz my key doesn’t fit anymore

And he’s not home so

TC: You’re outside right now? Are you okay?

IC: yeah 

Just fucking cold

There’s snow everywhere

I went over to that one corner store but they kicked me out for loitering so

Ngl i kinda wanna die right now lol

TC: where are you?

IC: the park across from my house

TC: me and my mom are pretty close by. We’re going to come pick you up

IC: ok

~~~

Ian couldn’t feel his fingers anymore.

They’d skated past the miserably cold stage about an hour ago, and settled into the slightly numb and painful stage. Now he couldn’t feel them at all, and they were like clumsy icicles stuck to his hands than actual digits as he used them to scroll through his texts and see if Taylor had responded to him.

Nothing yet. Ian clicked the lock button and shoved his phone and his hand back into his coat pocket. The battery was at 12%. Probably a good idea not to waste it. 

At least the wind had stopped blowing. Ian had swept the snow off of the park bench he’d taken shelter on before sitting down on it, but he could still feel his jeans and the back of his coat getting soaked through. He’d pulled his legs up to his chest to conserve warmth, but at this point it was no longer doing any good.

Maybe his dad really did want him to freeze to death.

Today was Ian’s birthday, but that did not change in the slightest the fact that it was a bad fucking day.

It hadn’t even started out right. He’d woken up this morning (or rather, dragged himself out of bed, semi-conscious and uncertain if he’d gotten anything restful enough to be called “sleep”) feeling sick, but gotten ready for school anyways and jogged out the door barely on time. He hadn’t ridden his bike, because he could hear Dad talking to someone out in the garage from the hallway, and he really didn’t want to go in there and interrupt whatever was going on, so he grabbed his coat and his earbuds and resigned himself to being late.

One of his fucking ear buds broke on the walk there, so there was that. So much for carefully arranging the balance settings in stereo for the best amount of bass versus treble versus mids, because all he could fucking hear now was treble.

He walked in to find out he had enough tardies to equal an unexcused absence, and that admin would be sending his dad a letter and a request to schedule a parent-teacher meeting about attendance. Fan-fucking-tastic.

He missed a quiz first period, used fourth period to scribble down homework he’d completely forgotten, and spent lunch sleeping in the corner of the shop classroom. By the time he headed home to grab his bike for work, his head was throbbing and his sore throat and sniffles were definitely turning into a full-blown cold.

And then he was locked out. He called his dad twice, then texted him a few times after that, but no response. It wasn’t like he was expecting one anyways. He found his manager’s number on his phone and called out.

Then he wandered around for a bit, got kicked out of the corner store, and ended up on the park bench with his school backpack and a dying phone, freezing to death in slow motion. 

He felt like his organs were going to rattle apart with how violently he was shivering now. He should probably stand up a bit, move around, get his blood pumping and stomp his feet a little to ward the frostbite off his toes. He didn’t want to. Instead, he buried himself a little deeper into his coat, rested his forehead on his knees, and closed his eyes. 

He didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to go to school tomorrow. He didn’t want to try to explain to his manager why he called out again, and he didn’t want to have to deal with his dad. He didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted everything to stop.

Everything was bullshit and he was so, so tired.

His phone buzzed and he pulled it out to glance at the screen. 

TC: You still there? 

We’re right in front, by your house

Ian tapped back a quick “k” and uncurled himself, pushing to his feet and grabbing his bag. The movement and a gust of cold air made his stomach lurch and sent fresh stabs through his skull, but he closed his eyes for a second until it passed, then shouldered his bag and headed toward the front of the park.

Lauren Conroy drove a small silver SUV that was just old enough to look like a mom car. Ian saw the puff of exhaust from the tailpipe and the glow of the headlights cutting through the dimness the second he crested the hill, and something in him gave a little sigh, collapsing into tired relief.

He shuffled down toward them, shoes scuffing and sliding against the icy sidewalk, and then he was there, frigid fingers bumping clumsily against the handle of the back passenger side door, pulling it open, shoving his backpack and then himself inside. Lauren was in the driver’s seat and Taylor was in the back, pulling his backpack out of the way, stabbing the buttons that turned up the heat.

“Good god. Taylor, grab that blanket in the back and give it to him.”

Before he could react, Taylor was reaching past him and dragging the lengths of a soft, heavy comforter from behind the seats. Lauren twisted in her seat, dragging it around and over him as far as she could reach, and directing Taylor to do the same.

“How long have you been out there?” she asked, an edge in her voice.

Ian pulled the rest of the blanket over him so that it covered everything but his head. “Since four-ish.”

Lauren froze and stared back at him. “Since four?”

Ian nodded.

Lauren muttered something under her breath that he couldn’t hear. “Have you eaten?” she asked, louder.

“Not yet.” The words slurred a little, Ian’s lips and tongue stiff from the cold.

“Christ.” Lauren’s expression was lethal. She took the car out of park and pulled into the street, heading towards the edge of the neighborhood. “Taylor, my phone. Look up an Ihop or something. Someplace we can eat inside.”

“Got it.”

The car was so warm it almost hurt. The heater was blowing at full strength now, deafening, and the seat warmers were on full blast. Ian sank into the seat and pulled the blanket as tightly around him as he could, still shivering and sniffling so that his nose wouldn’t start running from the heat.

Lauren glanced back through the rearview mirror. “Are you sick?”

“Yeah. A little.”

“You look awful. Taylor, there’s some Tylenol in my purse, and there should be an extra water bottle back there still.”

“Yeah, got it.”

Taylor handed over the water and Tylenol, and Ian took two of them, then enveloped himself in the blanket again. Lauren glanced back at him once, then again.

Then finally, “I can not believe he left you out there.”

Ian half-shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s happened before.”

Wrong thing to say. Lauren looked furious. “This has happened before?”

Ian dropped his gaze, not in the mood to meet her angry stare. “Yeah, once. Wasn’t this cold though.”

“Of course not, because you would have--” she cut herself off and huffed out a breath, tugging on her ponytail.

Would have frozen to death. Ian knew. They all knew.

Lauren didn’t say it, though. When he looked up, there was a misty sheen in her eyes and the muted anger on her face was mixed with regret. “Sorry, kiddo. I’m just--” she broke off again. “Let’s just go get some food in you.”

The car fell silent, and for a moment, the only sound was the gps’s electronic monotone spitting out directions.

Ian didn’t speak up again until the feeling came back into his fingers with a rush of tingling and pain. “Thanks for picking me up,” he said.

“It’s the least I could do, kiddo. The very, very least.”

No one said anything else until they arrived at the restaurant. Lauren sent them both inside to find a booth, saying she had to make a call, so they went ahead without her.

“What even happened?” Taylor asked over his menu, once they’d gotten in and sat down. “Was there a fight or something?”

Ian shrugged. “No. Don’t think so. Guess he was just done.”

“That’s…” Taylor shook his head, struggling for words. “That’s so crazy.”

“Yeah.” Ian didn’t really want to think about it anymore. “Does your mom care what we get?”

“No, get whatever you want.” Taylor watched him over the menu. “You know you can stay at our house if you want to, right?”

Something inside him twisted. “We already talked about that. You guys live too far away from my school.”

“My mom says she might be able to make the drive before work. Me and Fletcher are almost finished saving for a car, so she wouldn’t have to bring us and Jackie to school.”

Ian hesitated, looking at him. He wanted it. He wanted it so badly. Living someplace where he knew he wouldn’t get screamed at for no reason or locked out without warning, where he liked people he lived with and they didn’t wish he was dead--living someplace normal. It sounded good. Too good to be something within his reach. “I… my dad--”

“Hey, boys! We order yet?” Lauren’s voice, bright and cheery, interrupted him as she swept into view. Taylor scooted to the side and she dropped into the booth next to him, picking up the third menu. Her eyes were rimmed in red, but her smile was genuine and almost defiant.

“Not yet,” Taylor said.

“Well? Come on! Ian, order whatever you want, I’m paying. Are we getting milkshakes? I’m getting a milkshake.”

Ian did get a milkshake. And a breakfast skillet. And hashbrowns. And crepes slathered with fruit and whipped cream. And Lauren didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow, just slapped on an order of birthday pancakes and handed back her menu.

Taylor ordered just as much as he did, and Lauren sat back with her milkshake and strawberry French Toast, watching them converse with a satisfied look on her face.

After they’d finished devouring the last of the dessert pancakes, Lauren glanced at her phone. “Sorry to break up the party, but we have to get going if we’re gonna pick you up a toothbrush before we head home. I told your dad you were staying over.”

Ian narrowed his eyes, wary. “What did he say?”

“He said it was fine, of course. You’re staying for the rest of the week, at least.”

The rest of the week? “Wait, really? He was fine with that?”

“Oh, he was more than fine,” Lauren said, glibly. 

Ian stared at her, disbelieving. “He was more than fine?”

“I’m guessing he wants me to go easy once the court proceedings are underway.”

Wait. What? “What court proceedings?”

Lauren looked at Taylor. “You didn’t tell him?”

Taylor shrugged. “Didn’t get the chance.”

Ian frowned. “The chance to tell me what?”

Lauren reached into her purse and pulled out a stack of neatly stapled papers, set them on the table, and slid them over. “The reason we were in town.”

Ian picked them up and read the lettering at the top. He suddenly couldn’t breathe. “Petition for... guardianship?” he read aloud, voice tight. “What are-- are you serious?”

Lauren nodded solemnly. “We’ve talked about it enough. You’ve said plenty of times that you wanted to go ahead.”

“Is that why you called me yesterday?”

Lauren’s face softened. “Yeah. And you told me that it was just your--”

“--my dad,” Ian finished. “He’d never agree. How did you…?”

Lauren grinned slightly. “I talked to him last week. I was very convincing. And he knows we have a case. Seems like he doesn’t want trouble.”

Ian stared down at the papers again, clenching his teeth against the lump growing in his throat. “So that’s it? He’s giving me up?”

“That’s what he’s saying right now. But if he changes his mind and we have to fight for it, we will. If you still want it.” 

It was all suddenly too much. Ian’s vision blurred and his breath shuddered, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to block the tears that had sprung from nowhere, but then he was gasping and he felt arms around him, holding him tight and warm.

“Do you still want it?” He heard Lauren ask him, voice quiet and full of emotion he couldn’t quantify.

He felt everything inside of him unravel as he nodded, letting her hug him and leaning into the embrace. “Yes,” he said. His voice sounded choked, but he didn’t care. “I want to.”

Her arms tightened around him, every so slightly. “I guess that’s it then. Happy birthday, Ian.”

Taylor’s hand squeezed his shoulder from wherever he was, still across the table. His voice sounded shaky when he spoke too. “Happy birthday, Ian. Welcome home.”