#buy with my sleep meds.. I can go to sleep super late and be able to go to sleep earlier the next day.

[gay-michael]

I think my suspensions were correct, the headache meds I take interferes with my sleep meds and causes adverse effects, such as being unable to sleep, being shakey, feeling slightly like shit. atleast I know now, though! imma be bringing it up with my mother

[princetofbone]

i know that as a dark academia/studyblr blog it is SO WEIRD that I am super anti-caffeine, but it makes me into a walking nightmare, so I try my best to avoid it unless I know the coffee at a café is really good or it's a tea I love. anyways here is how I survived school + a twenty seven hour per week extra curricular with no caffeine:

I sleep a lot. I go to bed around 7:30/8 if I can, and wake around 5/5:30. that's nine hours, and I typically take about an hour worth of naps through the day. even getting the recommended 7-9 hours will help with reduction (note to any grad students/med students/phds, this may not be possible, and I am deeply sorry because being well rested is the best feeling ever)

I manage to get that much sleep because I am a beast when it comes to organizing my schedule- i spend very little time on my phone, and I spend any "gap time" in my schedule (those random bits of time where you have nothing to do) doing my homework/studying. I also block out two hours after school to do work, and I typically get it all done then. (I have two hours at school where I don't have class, and I do work then as well)

having fun tasty caffeine free drinks makes life good- you can still drink good tea even if it's low caffeine/decaf (I have not yet had good decaf coffee). there are all sorts of fun bubbly waters, or you can cut up fruit and make drinks- i was gifted a book of zero proof cocktails that i sometimes make for myself- or I just pour pomegranate juice into a wine glass and drink that. Fun drinks for the win.

i am a freak of nature, but i stay awake better without caffeine- with the caveat that if i've been drinking caffeine I don't. so before anyone gets grumpy about not being able to stay awake- detox for like a week (those caffeine withdrawals suck ass) and see if you can make it happen

It works for me- I've saved like $150 a month on coffee, which i now use to buy fancy socks and other exciting things that make me happy late at night when i'm staying awake doing hw. my methods wont work for everyone, but if you wanted to change things up, you might try it

[detentiontrack]

can u talk a little about what meds you take for your bipolar and if they help/side effects u experience?

Absolutely!!! So I’m currently on 3 medications to manage my bipolar and PTSD

Lithium - started taking in 2022. Honestly this works GREAT. It helps with the depression and the rapid cycling (I used to rapid cycle a lot) and the mood swings. People always talk about how many side effects lithium has, but I honestly don’t really notice any at this point. When I first started taking it, I got SUPER nauseous, but after about a month my body got used to it and I didn’t experience any nausea except for when my dose was changed (which also resolved quickly). The only thing I should warn you about with lithium, is that when you first get on it, you’ll have to do a few blood tests to make sure your lithium levels are in the normal range. I think I got about 4 between 2022 & 2023 when I started getting my dose raised. I started on what I think is 600mg (I got put on it at the mental hospital so I’m not 100% sure if that’s the dose I started at) and now I’m on 1200mg and have been since 2023.

Next up is prozac - this is my newest medication. I started taking it for anxiety/PTSD, but I think it’s also helped with my depression. This med has gotten rid of most of my anxiety and panic attacks, and I also experience very minimal side effects. The only ones I can think of is dry mouth/excessive thirst (I always have to keep a drink with me) and (TMI warning) it’s also decreased my sex drive. The only thing I should warn you about is that if you’re bipolar, you need to be REALLY careful with SSRIs. SSRIs are notorious for causing intense mania (my first true manic episode was brought on by Zoloft) so consult with your doctor and make sure they’re aware of treatments for bipolar. I didn’t get manic from the Prozac, but I also started at a really low dose and we raised it gradually over time. (I’m on 20mg now. Started out on 5mg back in October)

Next up Lybalvi - I’m not even kidding when I say this medication saved my life. The first half of 2023, I was dysphorically manic and experiencing some of the worse psychosis I’ve ever experienced (like. I was locked in delusions and hallucinations 24/7. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I heard voices constantly, I genuinely thought God was targeting me specifically and trying to kill me so I was super paranoid and out of it) and my psychiatrist said that either I go back on an antipsychotic, or he was going to send me to the mental hospital again. Lybalvi is a combination of Olanzapine (Zyprexa) and Samidorphan. This medication got rid of ALL of my psychosis, minimized my depression, stopped me from becoming manic, and made it so I didn’t have the negative symptoms of psychosis. It’s the only antipsychotic that has helped me and not made me worse. The only big side effects I’ve noticed are muscle jerks, brain fog (if I take it too late. I’m usually fine if I take it before 9pm), dry mouth/excessive thirst, and a LOT of weight gain. The samidorphan is supposed to make it so that you don’t gain weight, but I gained around 60lbs from April 2023-January 2024. But even knowing what I know now, I would still choose to take it because it’s really helped so much. It’s because of this med that I’ve been hospital free for almost 2 years and I’m able to have a normal life and balance school and work and all that stuff. Don’t be scared of the med because of the weight gain side effect. It’s better to buy new pants in a few sizes up than it is to be in and out of the mental hospital every few months. I started on 5 or 10mg and now I take 15mg.

[studying-with-adult-adhd]

I’m so happy to have found you! I actually just got diagnosed with adult add (inattentive type). Procrastinating and finishing tasks once they get complicated has been awful for me. I’ll be starting on Vyvance tomorrow. Do you have any advice for being on this medication? I know I need to watch my bp and avoid/limit alcohol. I read that caffeine and vitamin c can also interfere with the medication too...I’d really appreciate any tips or info that you can share! Thanks 💗

Okay hi nonny! I'm sorry it took me a bit here and that you've already started your meds.

Please keep in mind I'm not a doctor and if you have any concerns about what to look for on the medication, you should speak to your medical professional and a pharmacist.

That being said, I only have to watch my blood pressure closely because I already had high BP. I am also at a higher risk for heart issues and BP issues because of my weight, diet, and family history. My dad has an enlarged heart, super high BP, and type 2 diabetes. My maternal Grandpa has high BP and had a mini stroke not too long ago. My dad is also adopted and we know nothing about his birth family or their medical history so there are lots of factors playing into it.

Unless you are at a high risk or already have issues with your BP, I wouldn't just go out and buy a BP machine. Just check it at your pharmacy once in a while and keep a journal.

As for the alcohol, it doesn't really affect the medication, however you might feel that the alcohol hits you faster. I wasn't a light weight before starting the meds, and now, I can't have one drink without feeling it.

The things about caffeine and vitamin C are bullshit. The only thing that Caffeine could possibly, is make you shaky and anxious. It's the same as usual with the caffeine. I drink energy drinks a lot and they don't interact with the medications. Again, ask your pharmacist too just to be sure!

When it comes to the vitamin C, most of the time people are talking about the citric acid in it. A lot of times, the citric acid can cancel out some medications. This is seen commonly in the birth control pills, as well as plan B.

Personally, I haven't found an issue with that yet but I also don't drink a lot of juice. I would ask your doctor or pharmacist just to be on the safe side though.

Now, where I am the highest dose is 70mg once per day. I am on 60mg once per day. I will tell you to NEVER stop this medication cold turkey. It is an amphetamine and can cause withdrawal symptoms if stopped suddenly.

As for other side effects there are a few. Some get worse with higher doses, and keep in mind that you might have a different experience than me.

For me, dry mouth is a huge thing. Drink lots of water (or liquids in general, yes even pop or coffee, not alcohol though). There is also mouthwash that you can get that helps with dry mouth if you feel it is bad enough.

Another one is the appetite suppression. Vyvanse can also be used to treat Binge Eating Disorder. I find that once my medication kicks in, I don't feel hunger. I try to eat right after I take my meds or at some point about halfway through the day. I also snack a lot. I eat when I'm bored or emotional so, for me, it's a blessing. I reccomend keeping easy snacks with you at all times. I like fruit snacks. Or nuts. Then I can just open and go, no waiting and I keep some in my bags as well as at my desk at home and in my cupboards.

I also have a hard time sleeping. I have found that if I take my meds too late, I am up forever. Try to take your meds at the same time every day, though you can change it around if need be. For instance, my psychiatrist told me that if I had school one day, which started at 4:30pm, I could take my meds at whatever time I felt it necessary to last the entire 3 hour class. Then if I had a psych appointment in the morning the next day, it was safe for me to take the meds earlier.

Vyvanse only lasts 24hours in your body. It is a medication that can be metabolised fairly quickly. You should feel almost instant effects, after giving it about an hour or so to kick in. Now, your dose might have to be changed but that's okay.

The other thing that I experience is the crash at the end of the day. I crash hard off my meds. It puts me in a bad mood and I get really emotional and tired and bitchy. I find it harder to control my emotions for at least an hour or so after I start coming down from the meds. I just like to sit and play a game or talk if needed. My boyfriend is amazing and will just kinda leave me alone once he realizes that I'm coming down.

If this is your first time taking meds for AD(H)D, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work for you. There are many different medications and even ones that aren't stimulants. Please also keep in mind that meds aren't meant to be a permanent fix. They are supposed to allow your brain to find some calm to hopefully help you be able to come up with systems and coping mechanisms that work for you. Although, if you end up being on meds for a long time, don't be ashamed about that either.

And if anyone ever tells you that you shouldn't need meds, or that the meds turn you into a zombie or zap you of your personality, hit them. Okay, don't do that but ya know. If meds do that to a person, they usually aren't working for what it is meant to.

My psychiatrist also told me that if I felt euphoric and high on these meds, that I more than likely didn't have ADHD. Again, keep a journal of symptoms and experiences you have. Even good ones! That way you can also track your progress.

Good luck my dear!

[theeyesinthenight]

College Tips for Neurodivergence and Chronic Illness

Hey Everyone!I just wanted to talk for a minute about the stuff that I do to make college slightly easier to get through, and ask around for if anyone else has any advice.

Physically going to class:

1. Physical Calmness: Make a small physical maintenance travel bag that you carry with you EVERYWHERE. Include things like moisturizer, chapstick, cough drops/sucking candy, nail clippers, hair ties, eye drops, pain relief meds, sunglasses- anything that you frequently need to maintain you and your body’s ability to be calm. Sensory overload frequently becomes a thing on campus, and frequently overstimming on campus can make it really hard to want to go to class every day. I carry 6 ponytails, 2 chapstick, 4 advil, 4 sucking candies, 2 tampons, emergency ear plugs and earphones, gloves, moisturizer and sunglasses every day and I swear they make the difference between wanting to run crying out of my classroom and being able to hold on some days.

2. Make Checklists: Especially if you deal with executive function issues (like me!) you can build checklists for every day, repetitive tasks as well as normal to-dos to help you manage everything at once without forgetting anything. Don’t feel obliged to make the list pretty or perfect, just keep adding and refining the lists as you notice stuff you’ve forgotten or usually do. Write lists for literally everything. There is no shame to writing everything down. That being said, if you end up scheduling your days, always leave yourself an hour or two a day and like 10-15 minutes before crucial junctures so you aren’t stressed about running late and can actually unwind sometimes.

3. Eat: Some people will have meal plans, some will cook at home and bring stuff to school, but it’s absolutely fucking critical to chemical homeostasis (especially if you do what I do and wind up in class from like 10 am to 7 pm) to plan when and what you’ll eat- either by scheduling adequate meal breaks to go buy it, or packing it ahead of time. This is when lists can help: I remember to pack my lunch and snacks every morning or prep food for consumption when I get home only because I leave it on sticky notes on my phone when I go to sleep.  Just drinking coffee nearly made me have an anxiety related melt down my freshman year before I realized that the constant feelings of a racing heart were only partially because of anxiety and were also because of the sheer amount of caffeine in my system. Eating healthy is also important, and will make you feel even better than just eating, but now is not the time to put yourself on a starvation diet just to lose 10 lbs. Eating high protein has helped some of my snacky issues as well as generally gives me more energy, and making my own mealprep at home- even my own muffins and cookies- generally are more healthy for my than what I get in the store. Fruit, cheese, lunch meat (or sliced cooked meat) and pickles or olives in endless combination work great for me as mindless snacky food, as does homemade popcorn (either in a skillet or costco bags) because it’s dirt cheap and you can put anything from seasoning salt to furikake and shredded dried pork on it. If you need help figuring out recipes, feel free to pm me! I’m good at working with nutritional and budgetary restraints. Pancakes are kind of a universal good.

4. Give yourself permission to leave: If you’re triggered, or seconds away from panic, GET UP AND LEAVE. College classes are not the same as high school classes, and most teachers are perfectly fine with you getting up to get water, or go to the bathroom, or cry in the bathroom. Try to make sure you go back to class most of the time, but if you’re really that stressed, also give yourself permission to leave. 

5. Find a backup note system: There will be days that you cannot go to class. Accept this. Therefore, it is critical to find a way to make sure you always get the notes. Some colleges offer note taking assistance, some allow you to audio record lectures (check 1 and 2 party consent states first), and some leave you to your own devices, in which case, make a casual buddy to get notes from. You do not need to be besties with this person, Try to make sure you know how many days you actually have to go, and minimize grade damage when you can’t.

6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough; whether or not you’re taking medication, getting enough sleep is critical to pretty much everything that might be going on in your head- hormone issues, depression, autism, whatever. Your brain is going to be stressed out by the new environment and the additional, new problem solving that it has to do; help it make its best decisions. I literally wake up on less than 7 hours of sleep and consider selling my siblings on the black market. Don’t do it. 

7. Be careful about Caffeine; Some people are more or less sensitive to caffeine, or forms of caffeine, don’t develop a coffee addiction just because it’s in vogue. Matcha seems to have the most stabilizing caffeine affect on my brain of all the caffeine options, though tea still works universally better than coffee.  I also make my own “lattes” and cold brew at the beginning of the week and keep them in my fridge; a 2oz jar of matcha powder may cost like 60$ but it will make me about 90 cups of tea and last me two semesters especially if I mix in other kinds of cheaper teas in my morning; it’s certainly cheaper than starbucks- cups of latte come out to 95c and have about a third of the calories (which means I can drink more of them!) Which ties into;

8. Budgetting. You might be stressed out about money or make tons of tables and charts to try to deal with that stress; there are a lot of ways to cope with it, but my favorite method (and I still use a combination of these) for dealing with food and consumable stuff you need regularly like shampoo and soap or socks are: separate that money from everything else that you need to buy, then at the beginning of a semester 

Go to Costco, a particular kind of “exotic” grocery store, or a farmers market. Buy and then freeze meat, vegetables, and fruit (if you use them in baked goods or in yogurt) or get prefrozen meat- make sure you’re checking the price/lb or K for the cheapest, and bags of either rice, flour, boxes of pasta (cheap carbs) and oil- i recommend having canola, it’s utilitarian for frying with a high flash point. If your budget isn’t tiny, this is a great time to also get dried (or canned but I don’t like the texture) beans, and canned meat or sauce if you actually eat it. The key is to get cheap bulk things that will last for a semester or five, and that are always on hand.

Take the rest of your food budget out in cash. Separate it into bundles for “each week”, put them in your wallet, and return the change to the jar when you’re done. It was always easier for me to visualize how much spending money for food that I had when I physically had the cash; it meant I didn’t overspend and it also meant that I started making better “investment” decisions; I’d buy cinnamon sticks one week, or good olive oil the next, instead of dropping a couple hundred dollars on ingredients I might have never used.

Do a similar bulk buy of products you know you use, and then leave the rest of that money- also in cash!- in a separate jar with a stickynote on top. When you have to use money for stuff from it, just stuff the receipt in the jar with the cash and do your accounting When You Have Brainspace.

I deal with other bigger accounting stuff over cards, but I try to limit one card to rent, insurance, school payments, big regular stuff that I autopay and always pay off, and one card to “emergency” stuff that I’m always working on paying off- think emergency dental work, car broke, etc. That one I do gig labor to cover when I can.

Anyone else, feel free to chime in! It’s super useful to have lists of tips and tricks!

[themarveledwriter]

First Encounters

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Angst. Panic attacks. Blood. Cursing. Bad writing.

Summary: Sebastian runs into a girl and her dog in the park. She panics.

A/N: Sooo, I’m not dead. I also am out of the hospital! I wrote this in the hospital while feeling GREAT on pain meds so who knows if its good... Anyway. I have A LOT more of this story if you are interested, maybe it could become a series. Also if anyone has a better name... I am open to something different.

You were walking through Stuyvesant Park in Manhattan. It was a smaller park with nice walkways you liked to walk with your Golden Retriever, Winter . You had tried to take him on walks in Central Park when you first moved to New York, but it was way too busy for both you and your dog.

See, Winter was missing a front leg, hence the name. You had always been a Marvel fan, reading first edition Captain America comics with your Grandpa, who was a World War II vet. 

~Flashback~

You had been looking for a service dog for months, to help with chronic pain as well as your anxiety and depression, but you didn’t want to buy a puppy from a store or a breeder. You had almost given up hope on finding a puppy to train when you decided to visit a shelter a few hours outside of the city.

You asked the girl at the front desk if they had any younger dogs, since you needed to be able to train it, and she led you too a few different cages. The first few were all small breeds, Pomeranian, Terriers, Pugs… And while you would have gladly taken all of them if possible, you had to explain to the worker that you were looking for a larger breed to become a service dog. When you said so, her smile widened before dropping from her face.

“We do have one large breed, he’s a Golden Retriever but I don’t think he’d be that great as a service animal.”  The sweet lady said as she walked you out of that room and down a hall. “He’s an amazing pup, he is only seven weeks old and was dropped off a month ago, left in a crate by the front door, we didn’t see him until the next morning… his eyes weren’t even open yet.” She opened a door with a ‘Staff Only’ sign, “We had to separate him from the other dogs, even the small ones. He does great with them, he wants to play and is super friendly, but the other dogs picked on him” She points toward the only occupied cage in the room. 

You looked in the cage and instantly fell in love. There was a little puppy cuddled up in a bed way too big for him, sleeping. When you touched the cage doors, his eyes opened and locked with yours. 

He had two different colored eyes, one brown and one blue. Once he had fully woken up, he tried to approach the cage doors. That's when you realize why the employee didn’t think he’d be a good service dog, why he had to be separated from the other dogs.

He was missing his front left leg. 

It was wrapped in bright red gauze. You looked up at the employee, “What happened to him?” You said, your heart breaking for this little puppy. 

She looked sad, obviously expecting you to not want to adopt him, “We aren’t sure. We think he was probably used as a bait dog because his eyes. He’s a purebred goldie, but the eyes would be called an ‘imperfection’. He’s pretty much totally healed though. The stitches came out two days ago, and the only reason it’s wrapped is because he doesn’t really know how to walk on only three legs yet.”

Your heart was shattered, “Can I hold him?” You say, looking over at the lady. 

She walks over and unlocks the cage, pulling out the little bundle of fluff whose tail starts wagging the second the door opened up.

Right when she hands him to you he reaches his little head up and licks your cheek. You locked eyes with him, his brown and blue meeting your e/c. 

“I’ll take him.”

He was the best dog ever, given the name Winter because of your affinity for Marvel and his lack of a front leg. He quickly learned how to properly run again and became an amazing service dog. 

~End of Flashback~

You and Winter went on a walk at least once a week, as per request by your therapist. You tried your best to always do it, even if it was just a lap around the block.

You weren’t paying attention, letting Winter lead you. You knew he wouldn’t lead you off the path. 

But you weren’t expecting to get rammed into my a brick wall of a man. 

The next thing you knew you were flat on your ass and Winter was licking your cheek, something he often did when you dissociated. 

“I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, are you okay?” You could hear a familiar sounding voice above you, but you were still in shock.

Dazedly you reply, “Yeah… Yeah I’m okay” Winter finally stops licking you and instead rubs his face against yours. The feeling of his rough collar rubbing against you snapping you out of it.

“Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry,” You say while quickly standing up, black spots taking over your vision causing you to stumble right into the man you already ran into once.

“I can’t beli-” You cut yourself off as you lock eyes with the person who is now holding you in his arms. “Yo-yourrr… Sebastian Stan. Holy… HOLY SHIT.” You say as you push yourself out of his arms. 

When you are an appropriate distance away, you realize what you’d just done.

You could feel your breathing pick up, not quite hyperventilating but quickly getting to that point.

Looking everywhere but his eyes you say, “I am so so sorry. I can’t believe I did that. Winter usually keeps me from hitting people and I didn’t even realize I- I… I can’t breath.” You didn’t feel the panic attack coming until it was too late.

You felt Winter pull out of your grip, running towards the nearest person as he was trained to do when you got like this, it just so happened that the nearest person was Sebastian, the main cause of your panic attack. 

You felt hands on your shoulders, leading you forward towards a bench. Once you were sat down you felt Winter pull your medication pack off of your backpack. You had this specially made for him so that he could give the bag to the person you were with, and they could give you the pills. 

Sebastian was talking but there was no sound reaching your ears until you hear the pill bottle shake. He held one of your pills in front of you, and you shakily tried to grab it, knocking it on the floor. He got another one out and put it directly in your mouth.

You sat there for what felt like hours, trying to ground yourself. Winter was licking your face and your hands were buried deep in his fur. You weren’t even sure Sebastian was still there until the attack subsided, and you felt his hand rubbing comforting circles on your back. 

“I’m- I am so… sorry.” You choke out between gasps for air.

“Shhhh, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s fine. What’s your name?” Sebastian says, his other hand reaching and petting Winter, who was now investigating the person touching his mom since the crisis was averted. 

“Y/n, my names Y/n.” You say, looking up at Sebastian and trying to keep your voice steady and breaths calm.

Sebastian smiles at you, now that he can see your face, “Y/n, that’s a really pretty name. I’m Sebastian, but I am guessing you already knew that.” Is he blushing?

You remembered shoving him after recognizing his face, right before you had a panic attack and broke down in front of him… Oh God no.

You gape at him before quickly looking away, trying to speak but not being able to. 

“Hey no, no it’s okay. You did nothing wrong, I ran into you!” He quickly says, trying to make you feel more comfortable.

“But I wasn’t watching where I was going,” You whimper.

You were so embarrassed, -What the fuck is wrong with me?- You think, looking towards Winter when tears well up in your eyes.

Sebastian grabs your hand and tugs, forcing you to look at him as a tear makes its way down your face, following the tear tracks from your panic attack “Hey! Nothing is wrong with you!”

Shit you must have said that out loud. 

For some reason this made you mad, mad at yourself and your body, but you took it out on him. 

You could tell when your facial expression changed to anger, as he looked even more concerned, “Nothing’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong!? I not only just rammed into you, but had a full blown panic attack in front of you because you’re famous! You had to feed me my fucking medicine and comfort me while I am sobbing and snotting all over! Do you know how embarrassed I am!? Why did you even stay?”

He looked at you with a confused face, “What do you take me for? An asshole that leaves a girl in distress just sitting in the middle of the park? Y/n… I would never do that to anyone, especially someone that I caused to have a panic attack.” He looks ashamed and it instantly wipes away your anger.

You both sat in silence for almost ten minutes, the only noise coming from the park around you and Winter, who was still panting from calming you down.

“You didn’t cause my panic attack.” You whisper.

Sebastian looks at you, “What?” You lock eyes with him, “You didn’t cause my panic attack. I have really bad mental… issues, and today has just been a bad day. I thought I could work through it but I knew I shouldn’t come out today.”

“Y/n you shouldn’t have to worry about that. You seem like a sweet girl and I am really sorry you are going through this. But… It seems like you have a pretty good friend to help you out.” He says, pointing towards Winter. “He’s a Golden Retriever right? What’s his name?”

You groan internally, “Ugh, this is so awkward.” You say, giggling a little when you see his confused face. He tilted his head to the side, a lot like a confused puppy. “His name’s Winter… I thought it was the perfect name since he’s missing his left front leg.”

It’s very obvious when Sebastian blushes this time, a bright red flush rushing up his neck. “Wow, so you really are a fan huh.” He says to you, your face quickly matching his, “Come here Winter, can I pet you?” 

Winter bounds up to him, excited to have a new friend. Sebastian is petting him when a group of girls with cameras show up.

They started asking him for pictures, saying how much they loved him and making you feel extremely awkward. You knew you still looked a mess from earlier, so while he was talking to his fans, you started walking the other way. Looking back once and locking eyes with him. For some reason you thought he looked sad, but you were probably just being hopeful.

~Sebastian’s POV~

Y/n.

Such a pretty name. 

Pretty name to match a pretty face, even with tears streaming down it.  He probably would have used a cheesy pick-up line on any other girl. 

But not Y/n.

Not the girl that just had a panic attack in his arms. Not the girl who cursed at him and yelled despite knowing who he was. Not the girl that named her service dog after his character.

He loved his fans, he really did, but right now they were getting on his nerves. He just wanted to talk to Y/n… To this girl he just met but was already so enamored by.

He took pictures with the girls, trying to keep his eye on Y/n’s back as she walked away. Locking eyes with her once more before she turned a corner and was blocked by the trees.

The girls surrounding him were talking, but he wasn’t really listening.

Eventually he couldn’t take it, he didn’t want to lose her. 

“I’m sorry, I really need to go. It was great to meet you!” He says to the girls surrounding him while starting to back away.

While most of his fans were understanding, there was always one that thought they were entitled to more. 

The majority of the group said their goodbyes, but one girl rolled her eyes. “Why? So you can follow that girl who was crying? What, is she your girlfriend?” She stepped closer to Sebastian, grinning. “You could just stay with me, I’m sure I am a lot more fun.”

He stepped away and turned around, “It doesn’t matter what I am doing or if I am following her or not. I need to go, enjoy your picture!”

As he ran after Y/n he heard the girl behind him make an irritated noise, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to catch up to Y/n.

Good thing he was in running gear.

~Y/n’s POV~

You were walking along the path, not really paying attention even though that is what got her into this mess. You just wanted to get to your car and go home. 

You were almost to your car when someone grabbed your shoulder. 

You may have screamed, but you definitely turned and punched the person who grabbed you square in the nose.

“Holy shit! What the fuck Y/n?” A familiar voice says, muffled through his hands that are covering his now bleeding nose and mouth.

Shit, it was Sebastian. Why the fuck did he grab you?

You ran forward and put your hand under his chin, gently tipping his face up towards yours. 

“I am so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and you startled me!” You weren’t sure what to do, there was blood going everywhere. Winter was trying to jump up on Sebastian, sensing his pain.

Sebastian looks up, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have grabbed you. I just didn’t want you to get away from me.” You were confused, “Why? I was just heading home… I live really close to here, do you wanna come? I can clean you up and I probably have clothes there that would fit you… I kinda ruined your shirt.”

Sebastian looked up at you, “You sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Say no.

Say you changed your mind.

You give the man in front of you a small smile, “Yeah, definitely!”

Wait… What? What the fuck did you just do?

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[letterstotheone-whomilovemost]

12/31/2020 (14 months after the event)

Happy New Years!

It has been a rather weird year, hasn’t it? While some days from this year feel like they were only yesterday, others feel like half a decade ago. To be quite frank, the same applies to the last time I saw you. I’m sure if you saw this you would go “blah blah, you say the same thing every time you write.” While this is true, I can’t help it. I started taking new medication, as of 14 days ago. My psychiatrist, I have one of those now-- along with a therapist haha, recommended me getting put on escitalopram for my severe anxiety. It’s always been pretty bad, but over the course of the past 14 months, it has skyrocketed pretty high. Isn’t it strange how our minds develop as we get older? Survival of the fittest? Or is it just adaptation? The human body is pretty neat, let alone our brain. 

I was going through my photos the other day, and got the sudden urge to delete all of them. Of course, I’m not as crazy as just upright deleting them-- so I uploaded all of them onto a drive, and then deleted them from my phone. All of them. Decided it was time for a fresh start, why not start with the one thing I open every day, right? I decided earlier today, about a week after I deleted all of my photos, that I would go into my drive to try and find a photo from September that I downloaded from a manga I was reading. Of course I got sidetracked, I scrolled to 2014 and was going through all of my old photos with my brother and my family, and then suddenly I got to 2017 and there it was. The black and white photo of you and I at the parking deck, both of us laughing as hard as we possibly could. I smiled softly of course, as the beautiful memory came rushing over me. But then something hit me. For some reason, this isn’t how I remember you. My brain forgot what you looked like, or at least started trying to. It’s been about a year since I last saw a photo of you. While the brain is so incredibly amazing, it has a bad habit of memories starting to fade, especially when it’s a person attached to bad memories as well. It works in some cases, where people are trying to forget-- but even still it does the opposite and leaves the person going “Why can’t I forget you!?”. Strange, right? The human mind is so beautiful. I can still hear you talking to me sometimes, if I try hard enough. Lately, I haven’t been so hard on myself. I’m trying to figure myself out still, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay that I still love you. I know I more than likely always will. That’s what love is, right? Being able to love and never losing that love, no matter what happens. 

All of this being said, I figured I would kind of recap everything that has happened in the wonderful year of 2020. It has been one hell of a ride.

January, the month of my brother’s 15th birthday. He was so happy and we all celebrated his birthday with him the following weekend. We also went hiking the same month, while it was cold; my mother, brother, and I had a blast. This month was mostly just working and being lazy on my off days. I had a fall out with my best friend.

February, I had a love hate relationship with this month. I tried dating someone new, I saw that you had gotten in a relationship two months prior and figured it was time for me to try and move on as well. Needless to say, dude was a douchebag and was a very violent individual. I left him within 3 weeks. My birth father, his newlywed wife, my cousin from my favorite uncle, whom I had never met until then, and I all went to Ruby Falls. It was quite a beautiful journey. Whilst I fought with my father, it turned out to be an okay experience. Later in the month, I ended up getting into a fight with my landlord, who was demanding that I pay extra, even though I was not behind on any payments. I ended up cooperating with them, so that I didn’t lose my home. I celebrated my little sister’s fifth birthday.

March, I lost my job. Millions and millions of other people did as well. Covid-19 struck the world. I took it lightly and just assumed that yet again, the media was blowing things out of proportion. My landlord wasn’t understanding of the fact I was put out of work, along with millions of others. They ended up being generous for the month after I showed them statistics. I ended up being lazy, doing nothing but watching Netflix and Disney plus for the entire month.

April, Corona Virus was boring at this point. We had all been told, “Oh! We’ll all be open for business again in the next two weeks!”. That was the first week of March, and it was now April. The government didn’t give us any kind of help until the last week, so that kind of fucked me. I spent most days laying in bed on TikTok. I also got super into streaming in the beginning of this month, and my platform was finally starting to take off.

May, unemployed for two months. I debated taking a job at a warehouse. Unfortunately, the media deterred me from doing so. There was a spike of cases in my state; it was terrifying. I didn’t leave my house much. I got my dog, for the first time in 4 years. It was beautiful, I cried. He was so happy to be back home. I started a routine of watching anime every morning at 7 am and then going for a walk. I wanted to get back into a daily routine, regardless if I had a job or not. I was falling behind on bills, and I really needed to distract myself. I started getting into digital art, rather than traditional, for the first time ever. I stopped making my music.

June, I reconnected with a lot of old online friends from 2013. It was strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It was nostalgic in a way, spending late nights on discord calls. I didn’t really enjoy it all too much, I felt like it all needed to stay in the past. I started anti-depressants, again. This time it was Prozac. It made me feel extremely drowsy, and made me feel out of body most of the time. I tried to date, again. An old friend that I had from 2013, we reconnected and even though they were out of state, I decided-- “Hey, maybe this will be good for me. I don’t have to worry about them getting aggressive with me, we can take things slow, and we can pace ourselves.” Oh man, if only I knew. He flew down to my state, met the family, was extremely respectful and even stayed in a hotel the first trip. Everything seemed to be going okay.

July, my 21st birthday. Did I drink? No. Sounds crazy, right? I had about half a drink, and decided I just didn’t want any. I had stopped taking my antidepressants, the new boyfriend had said that I wasn’t acting right. It fed into my suspicion, that the meds weren’t doing a whole lot for me. They were just making me really sleepy and on edge all the time. The new boyfriend had come down again for my birthday and mother’s birthday, since we share the same birth week. Celebrated with my mom, her best friend, and I. July was pretty hectic, since I had decided I would be moving to West Virginia on August 5, 2020.

August, I moved to West Virginia. I packed up all of my belongings, uprooted everything I had ever known, hugged my family goodbye, and got into the back of a truck with a u-haul attached to it. I rode in the back of the vehicle for 14 hours, fell asleep in Kentucky, woke up in Ohio. It was daylight by the time we approached West Virginia. It was so beautiful, all of the mountains. I was moving into the house in which he lived in, which his sister was next door on one side, and his parents on the other side. We had the nice river breeze, since Ohio river was within eyesight. I lived in the Tri-state area so it was Pennsylvania on one side, Ohio on the other, and us-- five minutes to each state. It was a good first couple of days. Then we got into our first fight. I was unable to work, since I left my car behind. Luckily, I had saved up a bunch of money for me to be able to buy one. He hit me with really low blows, saying I didn’t need to work-- since women weren’t good for that kind of thing. It hurt, to be honest. I had never seen him like this before, in the eight years I had known of his existence. He had been with me in my hometown for three weeks and not once acted like this. I walked on eggshells, bought a car with my hard earned money, then got a management job at the Domino’s that was ten minutes from my town I was living in. Towards the end of the month, he got aggressive with me. He stopped working the same week I had moved in, he had no car. He had no ambition, he decided to just give up. Maybe that’s what I tried to see, maybe-- just maybe I could help him find some ambition. I wanted to save him, in a way? We got into a severe fight, I couldn’t take it anymore-- I fought back, and he ended up swinging on me.

September, I packed all of my belongings that I could into my tiny little Toyota, and left in the middle of the night. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to go to my mom’s house. My mother had known how bad he had gotten, since he acted such a way with my mother on the phone, unknowingly. I drove for 15 hours, well 13 but with rest stops to nap for a bit since I was running off of no sleep, but I finally ended up back home. I ended up staying with my mom for a bit. Later had to relocate, so I moved in with an old friend. Started streaming again.

October, Worked. Literally worked the entire month, my entire existence fell into dread. I became overly aware of how much time had passed. I felt like I had been doing nothing. I dreaded the last day of the month, every day just gave me more and more sadness.  I didn’t want the day to come. I started dreaming of you more and more and more. Halloween came, I decided to look at it differently, I started to thank you-- rather than try to hate you. I came to the conclusion that I would never hate you.

November, Thanksgiving! I started to become grateful, moved back into my mom’s house. It was a bumpy ride, but I managed to get back into the habit of doing healthy things. Started going to the gym again, drinking more water. I told my father he was dead to me, haven’t spoken to him since. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my real family, my mother and her best friend’s family. They watched me grow up since the day I was born. It was so much better than any other holiday I had ever had up to this date.

December, I started a new form of medicine. This time it was for anxiety, since that’s the main factor of my illness-- or so we think so far. I am on escitalopram, and I started it the week before Christmas. I got to see my real family again. It was nice, but this time I got to reunite with my childhood best friend for the first time in fifteen years. It was so lovely. I have become almost bedridden again, but it won’t last long-- since it’s just a side effect of my medicine. I also got to see some friends from high school, but then I realized-- they’re the exact same way they’ve been since the beginning. They wanted nothing but to talk about drama. It just isn’t my thing, I don’t like dealing with people much anymore, because of the constant drama. I’ve learned a lot about people changing, and the lack thereof.

I think this year has been a year full of lessons for me, and it has been tough. As they say, there’s no pleasure without pain, no pain no gain, right? This year has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me, and I am extremely grateful for the things I have experienced. I’ve learned so much about who I am as a person. I’ve grown a lot, while this year has kicked my ass. I have high hopes for the next year. For the first time, since 2016, I finally see a future in myself, by myself. 

To New Beginnings, Lovebug.

I love you, always.

22:27

[tolkien-in-beleriand]

I want to write but I’m very confused. My life is like some dumb comedy that makes you want to kill yourself.

At the present I am taking at least 11 pills every day. Most days it’s more than that because why not?

I imagine some universal being creating me and discussing with their minions like:

“Hmm yes let’s give her to parents who does not want her at all”

“So she is raised by her grandmother?”

“Yes but only for three years then grandma dies”

“So... now she goes to one of her family members?”

“Nah, no one wants her.... what should I do? What should I do? Oh okay I’ll convince one of her uncles to raise her, but let her go to them almost dead with all possible diseases”

“But this uncle will rape her and make her life hell”

“Well what you gonna do right?”

“And she will be abused so many times in so many ways by so many people that she will develope several mental illnesses”

“A lot of people has it worst”

“Yes but...”

“You know what, let’s put some physical health issues too”

“But she will live miserable, her family won’t care, she won’t be able to work so she won’t be able to take care of any of this”

“Oh oh and put her in late capitalism with fascist government... AND A PANDEMIC”

I mean... this was supposed to be serious but I am so tired. The last two weeks I’ve been in 6 different doctors and I still need to go to three more. Fer is paying for it but then there are meds, they are so expensive and it’s not like super cute med to make me feel comfortable and happy, it’s “you need to take these 15 pills today to maybe be able to get out of bed”

I am too tired, why why would I keep living for this? It makes no sense. The few friends who usually buy me presents for my birthday already been advised to give me cash instead of a present if they can because I can’t not go to these doctors or not take the meds and I don’t know what else to do

and it’s like so funny because the 11 meds I have to take everyday have a very specific time to do it so I can’t sleep until about 5-6am and then my alarm wakes me up at 8 to take one pill, then I need to wait 30 minutes to take another pill, then more 30 minutes to take 5 pills.

That’s my life right now. I am basically a machine who takes meds to be able to take meds next day and so on

Why live like this?

[prorevenge]

Don't tell mom the dog-sitter's dead.

TL;DR at the bottom.

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my sister.

My sister moved up to SC from FL about a year ago, but she still visits us periodically. We're a big and close family. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she flew down with her husband and son for one such visit. She has 3 geriatric dogs, so she got a house/dog sitter.

MS (my sister) went through the basics of how they can only be fed at certain times. They get let out at certain times. They need to be in their crates from X hour to Z hour. Most importantly, they don't get treats. They get vitamins in place of treats, but those vitamins have to be given only twice a day. No people food. Very strict diets. They're all happy and healthy, but only because MS is so strict with their regime.

This lady she got to watch her dogs had stellar reviews on the site she was found through. She's a stay-at-home mom who does this as a side thing for extra cash. I feel like I can end it here, you all can guess where this is going.

MS left for Florida for a week. The first 5 days, everything is going well. DS (dog sitter) texts MS regularly or video calls. She shows MS pictures and gives her regular updates of when she comes and goes to MS's house. MS just bought that house, btw. She's been working her butt off to finally be able to afford it. She puts so much into making that a nice home for her family.

MS has some health problems herself. She's got a ton of prescription medication in her medicine cabinet. She brought enough for the week, but left the rest at home. Stuff for epilepsy, asthma, and allergies. But she's also got a ton of pain killers from when she had my nephew not that long ago. She's paranoid about becoming addicted, so she kept the pills for safety, but never used them. It's a full bottle.

On top of that, she's been a collector of rare beer for about 15 years now. Beer that's not even sold anymore because they were promotional from micro breweries. Beer she can't get anymore because she doesn't live in Florida. Those bottles, she keeps as mostly decoration in her kitchen.

On the 6th day of her vacation, DS stops all communication altogether. MS texts, calls, emails. Nothing. Radio silence. She's got a bad feeling, but she doesn't want to kill the mood because she doesn't get to see her family very often anymore.

Day 7, she gets on a late flight back to SC. The plane gets there around 2 in the morning. They drive an hour to their rural town. They get home. The front door is wide open. The lawn looks like someone in a truck (which DS happened to drive) just tried to go drifting over grass and a tree before vacating the premises super quick.

MS goes to handle my nephew who is groggy and screaming. It's been a rough day. She's thinking the worst. That someone robbed the house while this poor lady was there. MS's husband (BiL) goes inside to survey the damages. It's all clear, MS and Nephew go inside too.

The back door is wide open. The couch looks like it exploded. The rug in the living room and the couch, and pretty much every square foot on the bottom floor is covered in the kind of pee and poop that can only be made from 3 geriatric furry buttholes.

The dogs are, thankfully, still in the backyard. But they're shivering and filthy. There are broken beer bottles everywhere. Some have been stuffed deep in the trash to hide the evidence. Some have been refilled with water and put back with their tops precariously situated on top so they might look like they haven't been touched.

82 bottles, each growler sized (roughly 64 oz) - gone. The medicine cabinet is like one of those Western ghost town's with a tumbleweed bouncing through. MS is already thinking this DS threw herself a party. No way in heck could someone 5'6'', 170 lbs, drink that much beer and take that many pills and not be dead.

MS called the cops. Obviously. The police get there to figure this must be a break in. They take a bunch of pictures, take an account of all the bottles and drugs that were missing. MS cleans what she can, but gets to sleep because thankfully the upstairs hasn't been touched.

One day later, the police find DS. MS has assumed she's dead and abducted, so the police were looking for her and her car. They found the truck run off the side of a highway, with this lady about two miles up, tweaking OUT OF HER MIND walking along the side of the road, screaming at nothing.

They take her in for whatever charges. Idk. Her husband bails her out and picks her up. According to her husband, this has happened before. DS has a drug and alcohol problem.

At first, she's messaging my sister, super apologetic, saying she'll reimburse MS and please don't press charges. MS quotes her the price of the rug, a new couch, and the vet bills because her dogs had somehow gained access to 9 containers of doggie vitamins and one of them was having liver failure. (The dog is fine now, but she's an old yorkie so who knows. Also, MS buys in bulk from a wholesaler, hence 9 containers). The total was somewhere around $800. MS didn't bother with the beers, the meds, the lawn, cleaning the house. She could have. Heck, I would have.

On top of that, MS demanded DS never dog sit again and she had to refund MS for her dog sitting. MS works in advertising. I won't say what kind, but basically if she saw/sees DS advertising herself as a dog sitter ever again, she has the means to drag this lady until all she sees is mud for the rest of her life.

DS insists she'd gonna pay it back, but that MS has to wait until they get their taxes back. Ok. So MS waits. Late February, she texts DS asking where her money is. DS immediately starts saying how she didn't do anything wrong, MS is a bad dog owner and her dogs are miserable, none of the stuff MS says DS did was actually done. MS has all the old texts of DS admitting to all of it sooo....?

This goes on for a while. Eventually, DS starts saying how "as a courtesy" she has a friend who owns a furniture store, she will give MS a credit of $200 for a new couch. And she has an old rug she doesn't want anymore that MS can have.

Erm... what?

She payed MS about $500, but and insists she'll get the coupon to MS soon. March goes by. Nothing.

Around March 20th, MS marches her happy butt to the small claims court and files. Then she snaps pictures of everything. Then she sends DS the message. "As a courtesy, I'm letting you know that I just filed this at the small claims court."

Then the fun starts. This lady goes OFF on MS. She says she's going to sue for slander and undue distress and harassment and blah blah blah blah blah. MS saves all of it, including the fun bits where DS threatens her family and calls her the C-word 20-dozen times.

Today is what? April 6th? Tuesday was the court date. Things move fast in a small town, idk. This lady shows up looking like she just got run through by a garbage disposal. She gives the judge her sob-story, talking about how she did nothing but give MS and her animals the best care, that MS is making all this up.

Yeah. MS has the OG cop with her. She's got pictures of all the damage, the vet bills, the bottles, proof that she was out of town, police reports of both the "break-in" as well as DS's DWI the following day. DS tries to spin it with that one law about how you can't serve alcohol to a known alcoholic. That obviously gets thrown right tf out.

DS then tries to appeal to Judge and MS's sense of humanity. She tells them how her husband just left her and is suing her for full custody (good!) and that if she can't dog-sit how is she supposed to support herself or ever get her kids back (tough cookies!). The judge takes my sister's side, for obvious reason, come tf on.

DS is homeless now, living with her parents. She can't see her kids, who btw don't want to see her. Apparently she was a drunk who ran her hubby's credit all the way down, she was abusive to her kids, and because of her heavy alcohol abuse - one of her kids has FAS. DS has 60 days to pay the remaining $300 or she faces jail time (idk how much time, sorry). Her husband filed for divorce already. Oh, and she lost her license thanks to that DWI.

As a former addict myself and someone who's been through a DWI, I want to sympathize. That's a lot of stuff to go through. MS gave her chance after chance, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for your actions. It really seems like this lady has just been using her husband as a crutch while she tries to get better, only to backslide hard. It's rough, I know. I hope she gets the help she needs.

MS's dogs are doing well. She got a replacement couch on Amazon for like $75 and a nice fluffy rug for even less. DS eventually coughed up that coupon. It didn't even work. It was for something like 20% off with a purchase of $500 or more, so um...no thanks.

TL;DR: World's poopiest dog-sitter trashes my sister's house after going on a bender. Claims she didn't do that, while also promising to pay for the damages. Never pays. Gets taken to court. Loses her home, job, kids, and marriage.

(source) story by (/u/anoukdaae)

[katieelizabeth]

What would you call your body type? Definitely curvy

Are you a morning person? Yes and no. I’m taking sleep meds for nausea so right now waking up is kinda hard. 

Have you ever been to Target? Loveeeeee Target

Do you like iced tea? Iced tea is always my jam

When is the next time you’ll be at work? Hmm it’s kinda up in the air right now. I’m itching to get back tho.

Do you have a savings account? Yes. one for myself, one with my boyfriend

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Only once.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Currently grey

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, I wanna say total like 6 times.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? My boyfriend thinks I'm a terrible wrapper hahah

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? If I had to narrow it down, probably Skins. 

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes and no. I don’t care for holiday dinners with my family but I love holiday dinners with my boyfriends family. 

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? I’m not married or engaged but I do wear a small silver band on my ring finger.

What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to just go and sit down in a restaurant. This virus has everyone living in fear and I'm tired of it and want to live normally and enjoy my pregnancy

What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Canada or London

Do you blog a lot, if at all? No not really. I used to when Xanga was big.

Is your present hair color, natural? Nope.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? My boyfriend thinks that anytime my opinion is different than his, then I'm trying to argue with him. It’s so fucking frustrating. 

Describe your current outfit? Anaheim Ducks shirt and matching pj pants hahah

What was the last thing you ordered online? Some toothbrushes lol

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Ive had two best friends in my life completely shut me out before. It sucks.

What color are your eyes? Poop brown

Have you ever worn color contacts? I have but I could never wear them because of the astigmatisms in both my eyes. Lasik was the best decision of my life

What’s the best thing about a hug? Right now I miss everything about hugs

Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? Just celebrated three years

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I try to when I can 

What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.

How old are you? 29

What color headphones do you own? They’re black.

Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? No, just a reminder than I'm fat

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Amazon, Goodwill

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces

Do you consider yourself fortunate? Very

Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No way

Do you tend to talk badly about people? I try not to but everyone is guilty of that

Where are your parents as of now? Watching tv in the tv room

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I literally just bought it so yes haha

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Kind of

When did you last go to a book store? Gosh it’s been a while!

What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble.  

How much money do you have on you right now? On hand, $20.

Favorite personal feature? my hair and my lips

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? Bravo, E!, ID, HBO

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? 6 tattoos no piercings

Have you ever been fired from a job? INope

Are you currently losing a best friend? No.

Describe the worst day of your life: I’m good.

Do you play any video games? Not at the moment

Would you say you hate anyone? I feel hatred towards racists, homophobics, ect.

Do you think freckles are cute? Very cute!

Last time you went to the mall? Gosh its been a really long time

Name something that’s your favorite color: anything teal

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yesssss. I want seafood

Do you judge by appearances? Anyone who tells you they don't to some degree is a fucking liar.

Do you follow a certain religion? No thank you

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? Im not really sure

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? Pretty much my whole body

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Nope, I'm average height for a girl

What room are you in? Mine.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? No not really. The sun doesn’t like my skin haha

Have you ever been dumped via text message? Nope

Do you like dreamcatchers? Not really

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you hate repetitive people and things? Depends on the situation

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? BOTH

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? Nope, my mom wouldn't let me growing up

What movie scares you the most? The Exorcist. I can watch the movie now no problem but it FUCKED up my childhood.

What was your bedtime as a child? 9. I remember watching Happy Days from 8-9

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Who doesn't love Christmastime?

Do you work with any close friends? I work with my baby daddy

Do you consider yourself spoiled? I would say in some way I'm probably spoiled

Do you listen to any country music? yes

Favorite high school teacher: I don’t specifically remember any high school teachers I liked. Probably my French teacher. He was super cool!

Do you ever get drunk? Of course. Can’t drink yet tho until after baby

Have you ever had highlights before? Nope

Favorite number: 7,10

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? Not anymore. I used to for a a long time 

 What is your biggest regret in life? Eh I've got a few

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Depression/anxiety. Ive taken meds for it 

Are you normally an independent person? I like to think myself as independent but my boyfriend sure takes care of me. I dunno what id do without him

Do you have any paintings? a few

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? anything from the early 2000s haha

Do you like to be organized? Do I like it? Yes. Am I organized? NO

Have you ever failed a class before? oh yes

Ever been judged because of your weight? All the time. Not so much as an adult tho

What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.

Ever had a wish come true? Nope

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No way

Do you own any coloring books? Yes haha those adult ones

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I can’t think of anything specific. Probably fat

Have you ever bullied someone? I likely have, unfortunately :(

Do you ever watch Lifetime? Only for the reality shows

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? God no

Do you own any brown clothing? Hmmm I don’t think so

What color are your walls painted? White.

Last thing you drank: I’m drinking decaf coffee 

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? Nope

What is the first digit of your phone number?  9

What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Anywhere in England

Do you tend to sleep a lot? yes and no. I’m taking sleeping meds but it’s hard for me to fall asleep

Silver or gold jewelry? Silver

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Not usually. My boyfriends family Is out of state tho

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My unborn child

When was the last time you showered? Last night

Would you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes yes

Has anyone made you mad today? Nope

Favorite smell: Vanilla

Are you afraid of insects? I wouldn't say afraid

Do you have any children? I’ve got one cookin in the oven haha

If so, what are their names? I’ll tell you when I know the gender

Would ever consider having children in the future? MORE children? Lets see how traumatized this first one is haha

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? Oh yes, played soccer till I was 18 

Do both of your parents have jobs? They're both retired from jobs they were at for 40+ years

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Its a tie between South Africa, London and Colorado

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Not anymore. Being an adult means getting over that haha

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? I try to be

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? oh yes!

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? Just the standard apple ringtone

Meet anyone from your past lately? No.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Not that I can think of

Ever been obsessed with a show? Ive been obsessed with many shows

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? English Laundry Signature

What’s the last book you read? The book that Ted Bundys girlfriend wrote

Dream career: Zooologist

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes, in Colorado

At what age do you plan to get married? Not sure, we aren't in a rush to marry

Ever been in a car accident? Yes, three

[avengerscompound]

The Unicorn - Chapter 20

The Unicorn:  A Pepperony Fanfic PREVIOUS

Series Masterlist

Buy me a coffee with Ko-fi Word Count:    1692

Pairing:  Tony Stark x F!Reader x Pepper Potts

Warnings:  pregnancy and baby talk

Synopsis:  Pepper has a freak out about how much more there is to do, and you and Tony set her mind at ease.

Chapter 20

The bed had been getting really crowded lately.  Both you and Pepper were now showing and you’d both started finding most sleeping positions awkward.  So body pillows had been purchased to help you both sleep.  Only you also both still wanted to spoon.  Which Tony was glad for, he liked that too, but it meant he woke up smothered in body pillows.

Not that he would ever complain.  He loved that he could now see that you were both pregnant.  Those two potbellies were a visual reminder that he was getting closer and closer to actually being a parent.  He could touch your stomach and even though he couldn’t feel them kicking yet, he knew they were in there and how close he was to them.

He was excited.   Yeah, there was still a lot to do, but that didn’t change the fact that he was excited.

He just really needed to pee right now and he didn’t know how to get untangled from the mess of limbs and pillows he was in and not wake you both up.

He tried to pull his arm out from under your neck and you shifted making a funny little whimpering sound and your eyes fluttered open.

“Sorry, honey.”  He said taking the opportunity to pull himself free from you, now you were awake.  “Go back to sleep.  I just need to pee.”

You grumbled and made room for him to get out and when he was free you moved back toward Pepper nuzzling in against her.  Tony dashed out and used the bathroom.  When he returned you were sitting up in bed.  Your brow was furrowed and you were holding a spot on the side of your stomach.

“What is it?”  He said, panic immediately setting in.  Thoughts going to miscarriage and losing the babies, and maybe even you.  He dashed over to the bed and climbed up next to you.

“Shh… Tony.”  You said gesturing to him to come closer.  “Tell me if you can feel this.”

He moved up next to you and you took his hand and placed it on your stomach.  He tilted his head to the side trying to feel something.  But it just felt normal.  Just your stomach.

“No…”  He said, dragging the word out a couple of beats as he focused on your stomach.

“Give it a minute.”  You said.

He waited, unsure what he was supposed to be feeling.  There had been a lot of false starts for him getting to feel the babies kicking.  You and Pepper had been able to feel them for a while now, but it was faint and anytime either of you had tried to get him to feel too, they just weren’t kicking hard enough for him to feel.  He was just about to shake his head and tell you that whatever it was he couldn’t feel it when something pushed against his hand.

“There!  That!”  You said.

Tony’s eyes lit up.  “Yes!  Was that them?  Are they kicking?”

You nodded enthusiastically.  “I was going to go back to sleep and then it felt like they were having a soccer match in there.  I thought I could feel it with my hand but I wasn’t sure.”

“Oh my god.”  He said and leaned in pressing his head to your stomach.  “Hey in there.  You guys are energetic this morning.”  He turned his head up to yours.  “Which one do you think it is?”

You shook your head. “I think it’s both of them.  I can feel it on both sides.  See.”  You moved his hand to the other side and after a few beats, there was another kick against his hand.

Tony started laughing and nuzzled in against your stomach.  “So full of beans.  Are you trying to burst out of there aliens style?”

“I think they must be.”  You said laughing.

Pepper stirred, grumbling as she opened her eyes.  “What’s going on.”  She said looking up at you both.

“The babies are kicking.”  You said.

“And Tony can feel them?”  She asked sitting up and putting her hand on your stomach.

“Yeah,”  You said, moving her hand and grinning at her.

“Oh my god!”  She squealed a moment later.  “They’re kicking so hard!  When will this one do that?”

“You’d think soon.  Maybe you’ve got the chill one like you and these two are just hyper Tony babies.”

Pepper laughed.  “Me?  Chill?”

Your laughter joined hers and you leaned over and kissed her.  “Yeah, you’re right.  I don’t know.  Soon I bet though.”

“I’m so excited.  I can’t believe we can feel them now.”  She said.

Tony hummed and rested his cheek against your baby bump as he reached over and ran his finger over Pepper’s stomach.  “It’s so good.”

“Why is it that every time we get a milestone I freak out about all the things we still need to do?”  Pepper said.

“Well, we have our doctor’s appointment tomorrow.  Then next week we go to Australia.  What else is the concern right now?”  You asked.

“Schools, things, birth plans,”  Pepper said.

“My birth plan is to cut those fuckers the fuck out of me.”  You said making Tony snort.

“Language in front of the children!”  Pepper said askance, leaning in and pressing her lips to your stomach.  “Don’t listen to your foul-mouthed mama.”

“What do you want for your birth plan then, mommy?”  Tony asked, tapping his fingers on her stomach.

“I don’t know.  I want it to be in a hospital…”

“Thank god,”  Tony said, making Pepper roll her eyes.

“But I don’t want it to be this super sterile thing.  I want it to be as natural as possible.”   She said.

“Shit, we’re having them here, right?  On-site?”  You asked.

“Uhh… yeah.  I guess I hadn’t really thought about it because this is where the doctor’s see us.”  Pepper said.

“Well we have a surgical room but we don’t really have a birthing room.  They aren’t the same thing.”  You said.

Tony sat up and grabbed his tablet.  “Okay.  Building a birthing suite.”  He said.

“For one baby, Tony?”  Pepper asked an edge of sarcasm to her voice.

“What’s the use being a multibillionaire if you can’t do things like that?”  He said.  “Besides, it’s on site, we can make it available to other agents and their families.  People are having kids more and more here.  It could even serve the area.  And what’s the alternative?  Choppering you into Cedars Sinai?  What if you don’t make it in time?”

“You can’t add, ‘design and build birthing suite’ to the things we have to do!  It’s too much.”  Pepper argued.

“I’ll delegate that obviously,”  Tony said patting her arm.  “Is the choppering you in the better option?”

Pepper huffed.  “No, I guess not.”

“So building it, it is.  I send it to the guys who did the med bay originally and Doctor Singh and they can work together to make something perfect.”

“Thank you, Tony.”  Pepper said and kissed his cheek.  He tilted his head and captured her lips, kissing her deeply.  “Anything for you.”  He said as he pulled back.

“So,”  You said.  “Medical but comfortable, minimal intervention.  That’s your plan right?”

Pepper chuckled.  “When has that ever been enough detail for me?”

“Right, but that’s the bones of it.  Say that to Doctor Singh tomorrow and make the plan with her.”  You said.

“Right.  You’re right.”  Pepper said, leaning back against the bed head.

“That’s right because I’m smart.”  You said.  “Now is there anything else we can figure out right now?”

“These two’s names?”  She said tapping your stomach.

You nodded and chewed your bottom lip.  “Alright.  So… Morgan is your Uncle.”  You said tapping her stomach.

“Right, yes.”  She agreed.

“Tony do you have any family you’d like to name one after?”  You asked.

Tony snorted.  “Me?  No.”  It was a knee jerk reaction aimed directly at his father.  You couldn’t pay him to name one of his kids after Howard.  Wakanda didn’t even have that kind of money.  Though, he guessed maybe Maria wasn’t so bad.  He wasn’t totally sold on the idea though, but if you were struggling to find one.

“What about Jarvis?”  Pepper suggested.

Tony stopped and blinked at her.  He’d named his first AI after the man who had really raised him.  Why not one of his children?  He deserved that kind of tribute considering how much of his own life he gave up to make sure Tony didn’t grow up completely neglected.  That there was someone there that he could count on.  Who did actually seem to love him unconditionally and didn’t have a long list of expectations to achieve.

“Yeah,”  Tony said with a nod.  “Yeah.  Naming him after Jarvis would be nice.  I think I’d like to do that.  We could name him Edwin.  Little Eddie.”

“There we go, that was easy.”  You said.  “Edwin and Morgan.  Two-thirds of the way there.”

“What about you, sweetie?”  Pepper asked.  “Do you have anyone you want to name one of them after?”

“I get the girl right?”  You asked.

Pepper stifled a laugh.  “Yeah.  The girl.”

“I want to name her after Ada Lovelace.”  You said.

Tony grinned and pulled you into a hug.  Naming his daughter after a woman who was one of the first computer programmers was genius.  Completely perfect.  “I love it.”

“Ada.  Morgan, Edwin, and Ada.  That’s really nice.  Yeah, let’s go with Ada.”  Pepper said.

“Look at that, and we solved a problem before we even got out of bed.”  You said and pecked them both on the cheek.  “And now I need to pee really bad.  So see ya.”  You jumped out of bed and started running to the bathroom.

“Oh god, me too!”  Pepper said and jumped out of bed and ran out of the room to use the bathroom down the hall.

Tony broke down in laughter.  The two pregnant people in the house at the same time did have some funny side effects he hadn’t even considered.  He rolled out of bed and padded out to the kitchen to get breakfast started.

// NEXT

[purplesurveys]

630

SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Sin 1: Lust 1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too? Surprise surprise, it’s my girlfriend. Yeah she did - I think I’d start worrying if she didn’t, lmao.

2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same? Gab, at one point. Other than her, I haven’t desired anybody else; but I was on the ‘didn’t feel the same’ side at least once, back when Mike used to like me.

3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it? No, I’ve never cheated.

4. Do you watch porn? Yes. I’d have phases where I’d view it 2-3 times a week, then I’d completely stop for months – kinda like how everyone plays The Sims lol. I don’t know why it works like that for me.

5. Do you masturbate? Sometimes.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex? I don’t have a preferred sex, and my favored features differ per person.

7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot? Kristen Stewart, if you don’t me already haha. Also Eugene Lee Yang from the Try Guys, Beyoncé, and Jennifer Aniston.

8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out? Mmm nope, I never found myself attracted to Hans in any way. The fact that he has always been associated with Angela ever since high school also helps.

9. When was the last time you had sex? Like a week before Christmas, I think.

10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken? No, that’s a little awful.

Sin 2: Gluttony 1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it? Last Monday – Gab and I went to Yabu to catch dinner. We had been entertaining my mom’s guests and their kid all day and thought we couldn’t leave the house cos it’s a bit impolite, but I had such a craving that I ended up asking permission if we can go to Yabu by 8:30 even though the mall closed by 9 lol. I realize I talk about Yabu an awful lot on here so for those who wanna know, it’s this local Japanese place that serves theeeee best katsu.

2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it? I don’t actually remember. If I’m not wrong, it was around two or three weeks ago, and we had KFC delivered to our house because we were too lazy to cook or go out. I had the Zinger Steak, which I hope they never phase out because it’s insanely good.

3. What was the biggest meal you had all day? I haven’t eaten yet, and it’s only 10:51 AM. 

4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping? I wouldn’t say it’s overwhelmingly many, but I definitely own more clothes than the pieces I’d usually wear, and that’s because I don’t like throwing old stuff out just in case I’d need them in the future (definitely got my great-grandma’s hoarding tendencies). I go shopping once in a few months, which in itself is pretty seldom, but that’s because when I go shopping I usually already buy a shit-ton of new clothes, enough for me to be able to mix and match to come up with new outfits for the next few weeks.

5. What’s something you have a LOT of? Black clothing. I’ve made an effort to get more colored tops, but the blacks still overpower.

6. Do you eat a lot? I’m very takaw-tingin, which is a Filipino term used when you get a crapload of food either because you’re hungry or because you’re confident you can finish it – or both – then you never do. Takaw means greedy or glutton, tingin roughly means sight, so it literally means that you just kinda want to get everything because it looks like a lot. So to answer the question, I always feel like I can eat a lot, but at the end of the day I just end up with stomachaches and I never learn.

7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on? If a bunch of stuff counts, then I splurged on Christmas presents for various people that I all bought in one go – I got massage oils, a garlic press, a frisbee, Marikina sandals, lipstick, and Instax film. If you’re talking about a single thing that I had to drop a ton of money on, it was for my dog’s blood test and some arthritis meds that the vet recommended.

8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)? I only ever spend on necessities like gas, clothes, and food, honestly. Other than that... I spend on (and this is very seldom) whatever hobby I’m into at the moment. At one point I spent on slime because I got interested in them, and before that – and y’all know about this – I spent my Christmas savings on adult coloring books and pencils.

9. Last time you ate candy? What was it? A week or two ago; I had a Crunch bar.

10. Last thing you ate too much of? Eggs, I think. My mom makes it for breakfast so I have it almost every day.

Sin 3: Greed 1. Do you share things? How often? Yeah I can be pretty generous with my stuff. I know I’d appreciate it when other people lend me their belongings, so I try to do the same. I once lent my phone to Rita for over an hour just because she wanted to play Mario Kart, and I also lent a book that’s really important to me to an online friend I barely knew; it was with him for like two years, lol.

2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece? Usually it would be me; but if the person who asked for it was Gab, or if that particular person likes the cookie I have, then they get the bigger piece.

3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up? Only if it’s a 10-peso coin, because I’m greedily picky like that lmao. Other people might need a peso or a 5-peso coin more, so I leave it be.

4. How often do you lend money to people? I don’t, and that’s one thing I wouldn’t tend to lend. My parents just give me allowance and it’s usually enough for necessities and for treating myself once or twice a week, so I wouldn’t be able to have some left for others. Besides, that’s my parents’ money and it would be pretty fuckin’ unfair to them if I just give it away to others lmao.

5. Do you loooove money? I hate what it’s done to society, how it’s divided the rich and the poor, and how the people with the most money also tend to be the most selfish coughcoughBILLIONAIREScoughcough. But I love spending for my own, hah.

6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept? Oh no no no. Decline all the way. If they keep insisting then I’ll probably give in because it’s the polite thing to do, but if I can, I’ll keep declining.

7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest? Rita. Her grandpa is a former senator and she lives in literally the swankiest neighborhood in Metro Manila; I was a bit intimidated when she invited us to her place for the first time lol. She’s the simplest person I know, too; and that’s my favorite kind of rich.

8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits? That’s definitely what I plan to do, lmao. At least this is how I know myself now: I have enough money to buy whatever I want, and I’m a happy camper. That may change in a few months or within the next year and I may eventually wanna search for a passion – but for now, it’s the mindset I’m going with when I go job-hunting soon. If I survived four years of college with a very burnt-out, emptied passion for journalism that I thought I had, I could probs do the same in the workplace.

9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened? I unknowingly stole a box of crayons from a store back when security equipment wasn’t that rigid yet lmao. I realized I ‘stole’ it because I had it in my hands and not in a paper bag when I walked out, so I immediately went back to pay for it. I’ve never stolen anything from anyone.

10. Do you ever have enough money? I don’t think anyone ever feels this way. Ever heard of billionaires?

Sin 4: Sloth 1. Last thing you procrastinated on? Washing the dishes last night.

2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk? It depends how far “the other side” is. <-- Yep pretty much. If it’s literally on the other side of a street, then obviously I’d go walk. But in places like my school which is super big and where ‘other side’ could mean 2 km away, a drive would be more convenient.

3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you? I’d normally spend the day lazing around on the couch with my dog beside me and lurking around social media.

4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it? Public speaking, or debating.

5. How many hours of television do you watch a day? I keep Friends as a background noise on Netflix nearly all day because I hate when it gets too quiet around me. As for watching on an actual television, I haven’t used one in years.

6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day? The internet takes up my entire day it’s crazy lol. I kinda need it for everything now.

7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late? It’s always different. I can go anywhere between 3 and 10 hours of sleep. I don’t sleep in often, though.

8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away? I don’t know how big blocks are supposed to be since we don’t use that system here. But yes, I usually drive even though Point A to Point B is very much walkable hahaha. My friends make fun of me a lot for it but I don’t care, at least I don’t get to my destination all sweaty and smelling like the sun.

9. When was the last time you exercised? November, on my last PE class.

10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet? I never did this. My schools always emphasized the consequences of plagiarism so as someone who always stuck by the rules, I always made sure I at least paraphrased the content I see on the internet.

Sin 5: Wrath 1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it? I know it’s pretty dark to come from such a place, but I’ve always thought death is an easy way out for people who’ve done awful things. I could answer this question with a name of a corrupt politician, rapists, or animal abusers, but tbh they don’t deserve the sweet escape of death, even if it were from murder.

2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate? Anybody who has hurt cats and dogs.

3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings? Like I said, I’d daydream about getting revenge just to satiate my desire for it, but I think it’s pretty childish and downright cartoonish to actually go through with it. I’ve only ever seen people getting petty revenge in movies, but it seems a bit stupid in real life.

4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why? No. The most that’s happened was me kinda scolding Andrew for not letting me know beforehand that he submitted our thesis proposal to our prof through VIBER, which is incredibly unprofessional and I definitely let him know what I thought about it. I didn’t fight with him though.

5. Last time you were really angry? What happened? The aforementioned thesis prof letting me know we’re missing a part of our thesis on the last day for profs to submit their grades. That meant that however early we submitted a revision, she wouldn’t have been able to give it a mark anyway. That definitely pissed me off, especially considering that she was silent for two weeks and didn’t give back any comments which made us think we were good to go.

6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down? I watch Friends or any one of my favorite YouTubers so I can have some relief. Other times, I’d force myself to sleep.

7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false? No. That makes no sense to me.

8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone? Never done this before.

9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on? There were definitely hard feelings in the beginning because she executed the breakup so poorly and I thought I didn’t deserve any of the treatment I was getting, and I was also mad that I wasted my time for that long only for her to break up with me in the end.

10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel? No.

Sin 6: Envy 1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why. Envious is the better word, and I feel this way towards anybody who live with both parents. My dad’s worked overseas all my life, and as grateful as I am for his sacrifices, having a dad at home is more foreign sensation to me than the idea of having a dad who’s gone for 4-6 months a year.

2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”). Straight teeth, fixed eyebrows, legs that don’t need much shaving.

3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of. Confidence, independence... is privilege a personality trait lol?

4. Are you a jealous significant other? I can be. I don’t make a big deal about being jealous as much as I did two or three years ago anymore though.

5. Could you date someone who was really jealous? Gab can be a little jealous but for the most part it’s endearing because it’s never turned into abuse.

6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most? Audrey Hepburn.

7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of? Being in a long-term relationship, definitely. A lot of people my age want significant others so bad, and I know this because a good chunk of them post the same wish over and over on social media lol.

8. What are a few things you wish you were good at? Drawing, playing an instrument, dancing ballet, changing a car tire, COOKING.

9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person? This has never happened to me.

10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes? I haven’t had to do this, because I was Gab’s first. I wouldn’t want to fixate on exes if I were in a different situation, though.

Sin 7: Pride 1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)? My school is easy bragging rights. Everybody wants to be in UP.

2. What physical features do you take the most pride in? My body figure in general. Also my fingers, legs, and jawline.

3. Are you satisfied with what you have? Yeah but as the above questions have made it clear, I can always use more money lol.

4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead? NEVER. That’s one of the worst things anyone can do. I feel like I used to do this when I was younger, then it just hit me one day about how tasteless it can be so ever since then I’ve let other people hype themselves up and be excited about accomplishments or new things in their life as much as they want with me, as long as they aren’t being so conceited.

5. Do you like talking about your achievements? If I’m in a group and we started sharing our achievements then yeah I’d join in. But I wouldn’t bring it up if it wasn’t already being brought up. It’s better to let the accomplishments speak for themselves.

6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out? My mom is definitely more ~braggier than my dad, but she’s never come off as an asshole about it. If she was, I’d pull her aside.

7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy? I keep a mindset of competing with others, but I keep it internal.

8. What do you do better than most people? See the little details. I’m always surprised at how most of the people I work with just look at the big picture – like how they don’t pay attention to the red squiggle under misspelled words on a group paper (or if they do see it, they don’t do anything about it), or how they don’t seem to care about proper spacing on a Powerpoint and proceed to just dump a bunch of text on one slide. Now this is something I can brag about too, cos a lot of people are just so not detail-oriented lol.

9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)? I don’t see why that’s an issue.

10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)? There’s no particular person, but like I said, I’m always in this perpetual mindset of wanting to compete with others just so I’m more motivated to perform well and get things done.

[insideofmymindpalace]

You should answer them all of course 😎

1:When did you lose your virginity?

17 years old.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

Depends on the mood I’m in.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

College music practice room.

5: Favorite sex position?

Also depends on the mood I’m in.

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

It can vary depending on mood (sorry!) but typically submissive.

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

One if it can even be counted.

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Out of these either bed or couch cause the floor is uncomfortable.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Yes.

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

No.

11: What does your favorite sexy underwear look like?

Lavender colored lace matching set.

12: How often do you have sex?

I’ve been feeling super run down lately due to work/life stress so like once or twice a week?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

Of course.

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Depends on the mood. Some folks need to learn how to properly give so I suppose I’d say give.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

I literally felt so awkward once that I panicked and laughed at a guy when he couldn’t get it up then felt awkward cause I didn’t mean to laugh so I walked out.

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

Honestly haven’t ever given this any thought before.

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

Second verse same as the first.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

Like costumes? I have in the past for the other person. Now I am into the being dressed up like fancy and having to undo it all for each other.

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Shower. Absolutely not bath. No way.

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

My boyfriend.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

I have. It absolutely sucked. I would not again.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I have in the past.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

I did this a lot in the past; I can’t as much with the current boyfriend because of his phone.

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

If we aren’t counting the boyfriend as being in the picture or as my best friend then probably.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

Cuddle and then big time snacking.

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

Neck kisses, pushed to a wall.

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

Late night. I’m so not a morning person.

28: Favorite body part on the opposite sex?

Eyes. More superficially I suppose back muscles.

29: Favorite body part on the same sex?

Eyes. Superficially probably hips.

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

I have this whole box of junk that I can’t bring myself to like get rid of but that never gets unpacked so I just move it from place to place and hide it. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what’s in it anymore. But you can’t see it.

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

My ex pulled something when he wanted to try some sex move - I literally don’t even know what the hell he was trying to do. Needless to say, he was bad, it was bad, and therefore it didn’t happen.

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Honestly can’t even recall if I have.

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

If you wanna get pregnant or risk an STD/STI then yeah sure go for it.

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Listen, I love food. I love sex. I don’t want food involved in my sex.

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

I don’t know. Like a loved one’s funeral? Giving a toast during a family holiday?

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

YES.

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

Whenever you start wondering if it’s too much, it’s too much.

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

It was something along the lines of being someone’s best sex they’d ever had.

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Depends on the partner.

40: What do you wear to bed?

Generally like underwear or booty shirts and a tank top or over-sized shirt. I also frequently sleep in the nude.

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

I don’t.

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Yes to nudes.

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

I have; the ex wanted to do it on a beach. Sand doesn’t care what you want. Would not recommend.

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

No. I don’t want other folks to potentially be in my business.

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

Didn’t this one already come up?

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

I don’t but also like please be careful what you use cause some things can be harmful to your body!

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Eh not too big into the whole porn thing.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

I feel like these are starting to repeat a bit.

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

Your body, your rules. If you want them or have them, hell yeah. If you don’t, hell yeah.

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

It would depend on how close I am to that person.

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

What is it with the food thing?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Porn star cause I’d get paid more and be protected during my sex work.

53: Do you watch porn?

Again, no not really.

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

I mean yes but not sexually?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

I have when I couldn’t find my underwear somewhere but try not to.

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

If you’re grossed out by someone’s choice of body hair then you shouldn’t be having sex.

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

No.

58: Booty or Boobs?

Yes.

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

Yes - abusive high school boyfriend with the guy that wound up being my abusive college boyfriend. We all make shitty decisions. (I cheated emotionally for like a week then realized that wasn’t okay and broke up with him.)

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

Probably the stuff I do every day but actually get to enjoy living without the misogyny I experience daily.

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Like “Skype sex” during long distance relationships yeah.

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

See above.

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

Don’t have that problem.

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

Don’t really do that.

65. What is your bra/penis size?

32F

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

Don’t put weird things in your body that aren’t designed to be in your body!!! That’s dangerous!!!

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

I don’t.

68. When was the last time you had sex?

Yesterday.

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

Like early college so a few years?

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

I have not. Exes have bought for me.

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

Back.

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

Yes,

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

Never tried.

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

Nope.

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

I haven’t dreamt like at all since I started my meds.

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

Don’t recall any.

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

If I was single, maybe.

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

We all lust after people, but I wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone I don’t know.

80. Favorite sexual position?

This already came up once.

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

You better play it safe if you do.

82. Are you into any BDSM?

Yes.

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

No? I don’t think so.

84. Do you like dirty talk?

Sure.

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

Loud. (Sorry roomies of the past.)

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

No.

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Fourth verse same as the others.

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

No.

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

No.

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

No.

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

No.

[snarkysarcasm]

Holly's out on a perfect blind date, too bad she'd rather be going home with the bartender Gail.

“Hey Nerd you can’t sit there.”

Hearing a voice nearby, Holly glanced up from the slew of texts she had received from Lisa.  Her heart hit her sternum as she was greeted by the sight of one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen.  Platinum blonde hair, storming blue eyes, and a scowl that told anyone looking not to fuck with her. For a moment Holly forgot how to speak.  It wasn’t until the woman across from her raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow that Holly swallowed and answered.

“So-sorry, are you talking to me?”  Holly reached for her glasses, momentarily forgetting that she had put her contacts on that night.

“Do you see anyone else with a keychain of DNA?”  

Holly tucked her keys into her pocket.  She was a little surprised that the other woman had recognized the double-stranded helix.  

“That’s Freddie’s seat. Trust me you don’t want to sit there.”

Having no idea who this Freddie person was but also not wanting to piss off the person who would be responsible for her drinks that night, Holly listened to the bartender and moved one seat over.  

“Nope. Not there either.”

She couldn’t stop from rolling her eyes, “Whose seat is this one?”

“No one’s but you won’t be able to see the door from there.”

Holly hesitated.  She glanced over towards the door and the woman was right.  It was partially blocked.  She moved to a different seat and waited for another comment but the blonde was busy talking to someone else.  Holly looked back at her phone.  Lisa was droning on and on about the woman she was supposed to meet that night.

She wasn’t even sure why she had agreed to the set-up in the first place.  Sure it had over a year since her last break-up. And yeah maybe she had been focusing more on establishing her career than trying to meet someone.  And okay maybe the last time she had had sex was too long ago to count.  But that didn’t mean that she needed her friends to set her up with anyone. In fact, the longer she sat there the more she wished she had never let Lisa talk her into any of it.

“So are you early or are they late?”

“Hmm?”  Holly had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even managed to respond to the texts.

Putting her phone down, she was surprised to see the bartender standing right in front of her.  She was leaning slightly onto the bartop and it was making it extremely difficult for Holly to keep her eyes on the woman’s face and not the perfect cleavage that was being displayed right in front of her.  Okay, so maybe she didn’t do the best job but in her defense one quick glance also revealed the barkeep’s name: Gail.  It seemed fitting, when before Holly had a chance to ask what she meant, Holly watched the blonde unleash a hail of insults on a group of rowdy guys at the other end of the counter before strutting (actually strutting) back over to her.

“The person you’re obviously waiting for.”

“What makes you think I’m waiting for anyone?” Holly asked as a shot glass filled with gold liquor was slid in front of her.   “Also what makes you think I want tequila?”

“Well you chose the seat where you would best be able to see the door and you keep staring at your watch when you have this”  She gestured to herself “standing right in front of you.  Only people who are already taken or who are on a blind date are that distracted by a door.  As for the tequila.  It’s mostly that I wanted some too.”

Gail held up her shot and waited for Holly to join her before she knocked the glass back.

Holly tried not to shudder as the alcohol hit her system.  She hadn’t done tequila shots since med school.  But it did help loosen her up a bit.  

“Maybe I’m an architect and just admiring the craftsmanship of the door.” Holly challenged.

Gail studied her.  Her eyes carefully trailing over Holly’s form and it made the pathologist glad that she had stopped at home after work to spruce up a little.

“Nah.  Not that I don’t think you could be but I’m getting a sexy librarian vibe from you. I think you’ve spent more time reading than drawing.”

She wasn’t wrong.  Holly’s sister was the gifted artist.  Holly was the bookworm.  And she had spent more than her fair share of time living in the library as a kid and again at University and medical school.

“So you think I’m a librarian?”

“I didn’t say that. Just said that it’s your vibe. I also mentioned the sexy part but you seem to be ignoring the compliment.”

Holly could feel the blush hitting her cheeks.  She couldn’t remember the last time someone made her blush and she wasn’t entirely sure why she was doing it now.  She cleared her throat.  “I am meeting someone.”

“Is it someone or someone someone?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Well, I think you should deduct points for them being late.”

“Technically she’s not late yet.”  Holly defended.

“If she’s not at least 5 minutes early then she’s late.”

“You have high standards.”

“You were 15 minutes early.” Gail pointed out as she poured another two shots.

“Touché.”

They clinked glasses again.  Holly felt a tap on her shoulder just as she placed the empty glass back on the bartop.  She turned to find yet another beautiful woman standing in front of her.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt, but you’re Holly, right?”

“You must be Amelia.”  She matched Lisa’s description to a tee.  Though that description also included an inordinate description of the woman’s breasts but then again her friend was a plastic surgeon.  She tended to use it as an excuse...a lot.  Still the woman was slightly taller than Holly.  Was fit, impeccably dressed, with flawless make-up and hair that looked like it had been professionally styled.  By all accounts, she was stunning, and yet Holly didn’t feel half as much as she had when she first saw Gail in just a black t-shirt and black jeans that night.

“Sorry I’m late.”  

Holly could see the bartender smirk out of the corner of her eye, but she did her best to focus on the woman speaking to her.

“I hope you didn’t have to wait too long,” Amelia said.

“No, not long at all.  In fact, the time just seemed to fly by.”

“Well how about we grab a table.  Oh, here let me get that.  It’s the least I can do.”  Amelia placed more than enough to cover the drinks on the counter, and Holly was pleased to the see her date was generous with the tip.

As Holly went to follow Amelia she couldn’t stop herself from turning back one more time.

“Ummm thanks for the drink.”

Gail merely shrugged as she finally gathered the money, “It’s my job.”

---

Holly really hated admitting when Lisa was right.  But she was right.  Amelia was everything Lisa claimed.  She was smart and quick witted.  She was funny and attentive. She took a genuine interest in Holly’s career and hobbies. And she was certainly gorgeous.  There were many things that Holly could fault her friend for but Lisa’s ability to find successful, beautiful woman was not one.  

And yet.  

“Do you need another drink?”

Holly snapped to attention, “What?”

“Another drink?” Amelia asked with an easy smile.  “You keep looking towards the bar,  so either I’m boring you or you’re looking for another drink.”

“Oh, Umm uh....” Caught, Holly floundered for a moment.  She reached again for her missing glasses and mentally cursed herself before sliding her hand through her hair.  She glanced again at the bar and was fairly certain she caught Gail looking away.

“You know what? I was.”  She pushed herself back from the table. “But it’s my turn.  Let me get them this time.”

Holly quickly got Amelia’s order before heading right over to the waiting blonde.

“So is it that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of thing?” Gail asked as soon as Holly was in earshot.

The words were familiar but Holly couldn’t quite place them.  “Did you just quote a movie?”

“You tell me.”

She wracked her brain, finally it clicked.  “It Takes Two, really?”

“Hey, you could name it.”

It was Hailey’s favorite movie growing up.  She swore up and down that she had a hidden twin somewhere.  Holly was more A League of Their Own kind of gal.

“And you called me a nerd?”

Gail merely shrugged, but there was a smug smile tugging at her lips.  “So are you looking for an excuse to make a run for it?  Do you need someone to call your phone with an emergency?”

“Have to do that a lot?”

“I’ve been asked but I don’t usually offer.”

“So why make the exception?”

“Maybe I was just hoping to get your number.”

Holly’s heart started pounding uncomfortably again. She was technically on a date.  A date that was going surprisingly well.  She wasn’t supposed to be flirting with the hot bartender.  That wasn’t part of the plan.

When she didn’t say respond, Gail filled the silence as she wiped down the counter.  “But I’m guessing you’re not here for an out.  So what can you guys?  Actually wait let me guess a dirty martini for your date and...more tequila for you?”

“Actually I’ll just take a whiskey neat please.”

“Shame.  I make an awesome margarita.”

“Maybe, but too much tequila and the night might take a very different turn.”

“Rye it is.”  

Gail mixed the drinks and Holly tried not to get too distracted watching the bartender’s hands.  She wanted to say something else but couldn’t think of anything to continue the conversation.  

When Gail was done she slid the drinks in front of Holly. “Have fun with your someone.  And if you’re not, well then the emergency call is still available.”

It was tempting.  God, was it tempting.  But Lisa would kill her if Holly took Gail up on the offer.  

“Thanks.”

---

Holly did her best to give her date a chance.  She listened to her talk about work.  Asked about her family.  Laughed at her jokes.  She was engaged and focused.  Super focused.  She was definitely not thinking about the blonde at the bar.  And she was determined not to keep looking over there.  She was on a date with a beautiful woman who she had plenty in common with.

“I feel like I’m going to need to buy Lisa a really expensive wine.” Amelia said as they finished their meals and drinks.

“Why’s that?”

“For introducing us.  I’ve had a great time tonight and I’m hoping you have too.”

“It has definitely been better than expected.”

“I know that you only agreed to dinner but how about grabbing dessert.  I know a great coffee shop not far from my place.”  The woman looked hopeful as her fingers brushed gently against Holly’s.

Holly glanced over at the bar.  Gail was still there and the crowd around her seemed to have grown.  But Holly caught her eye between the people and for a brief minute the blonde smiled at her before turning back to the rest of the customers.

Any other night, Holly would’ve taken a woman like Amelia up on her offer.  She would’ve asked her out on a second date.  Lisa was right.  She was girlfriend material.  But Lisa be damned.

Holly pulled back.

“Actually I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Oh, well at least let me take you home.”

“No, it’s okay. I can manage.”

“Well maybe we could do this again sometime.”

“Maybe.”  But even as the word left Holly’s mouth, she hoped it wouldn’t be true.  She went through a few more awkward, forced good-byes before she watched Amelia walk away.  

Holly wasted no time heading back to the bar.  Gail had her back to her at the register.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You said that before.”

“You know it sounded familiar.”

Gail looked over to where Holly had been sitting before.  Seeing the empty table she leaned again on the counter in front of Holly.

“Where’d your someone go?”

“Home.”

“Alone?”

“Not for a lack of trying.”

Gail smirked and Holly’s heart skipped.  “Oh yeah.  So what made you stay?”

“Well I was promised someone’s famous margarita.”

Gail barked out a laugh and nodded.  “You were.  Too bad my shift is over.”

Holly could feel herself deflate, “Oh.”

She watched the blonde pull out a leather jacket from behind the bar. She came around to join her. “But I also live only a few blocks away and happen to have plenty of tequila at home.”

“Is that an offer?”

“Only if you want it to be.”

Gail’s fingers brushed against Holly’s and Holly felt a brief thrill run along her spine.  It was her turn to smirk.  Pulling the sides of Gail’s jacket together, she slowly slid the zipper up.  She smoothed her hands along the lapels.

“Lead the way.”

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕