#but you have to learn how to communicate that without literally telling me 'yea i just got bored of you sorry'

[thestarlightindex]

no but like thinking about the last bullshit red flag relationship we had. you absolutely cannot treat other human beings as fucking hyperfixations oh my god

[two-sides-samecoin]

You know what's interesting? I think Merlin not telling Morgana about his magic was the right move. Like I like a good Morgana (occansionally), but the way the show lays out the events, it seems likely that she would fall anyways - with or without Merlin. Morgause would have approached Morgana anyways and I think that her familial connection and vengeance against Uther would have influenced Morgana to her side regardless of anything Merlin could have done. Like Morgana has no reason for Uther to live - even more so after she learns that she is his daughter. And if she knew that Merlin had magic, in season 3, she could unduly influence him with the power of blackmail. Like Morgana has the power here socially. It was the reason Merlin couldn't call Morgana out at the start of season 3! Gaius is right, had Merlin told Morgana of her power, nothing good would have come out of it. And I don't think that Morgana knowing of Merlin's magic would have changed her loyalties in the long run. Morgana's initial motive was to stay alive in a regime that wanted her dead - by taking out the family that killed her people, but then it shifted to power, to treat the general populace as she was treated. (I honestly don't think they would have stopped with Uther, even more so before the revelation of Morgana's parentage - knowing that Morgana has a claim to the throne is the only reason why killing Arthur wasn't a serious priority in the season 3 finale. Yes, they wanted to kill him, but they did so because of the threat is posed to the throne, being the legitimate heir, not because he was the only heir. Morgana and Morgause more so in my opinion focused on shifting the opinion of the knights and the civilians.) I think people put far too much weight on Merlin for being the reason that Morgana turned, when there are so many other reasons she did. Sure, having Merlin around would ease her isolation and maybe her fear, but at the end of the day, Morgana is her own woman and a lot of her decisions would have happened regardless of what Merlin decided to do about the secret of his magic. And do not get me started on the Fires of Idirsholas because the perception regarding that episode is the definition of wrong, in my opinion.

oh yea i so agree that it wasn’t a good idea for merlin to reveal his magic to morgana and that he was right not to do so. i think everyone also just believes that since morgana has magic she’s immediately trustworthy which is funny cuz canon legit shows how just because people have magic that doesn’t mean there’s a unity within them. and everyone be forgetting that she is in a high power class - she’s literally Uther’s ward then turns out that she is his daughter. like the same people who say that merlin should have told morgana are also the ones to say that merlin had a right to keep it from arthur which i think is bonkers cuz why the fuck do you have those beliefs but then say that just cuz morgana has magic that merlin should trust her? like everyone talks about how arthur has power in court but so does fucking morgana! she def would’ve used this shit as blackmail which we see in canon that she takes away merlin’s powers likeeee.

i so agree that her vengeance would’ve triumphed anything Merlin said especially because people forget that arthur plays a big role here (unknowingly of course) but merlin has a huge amount of faith that arthur will set them all free but morgana has always been flimsy with her belief in arthur - thinking of the lancelot and gwen ep where she’s yelling at arthur and doesn’t notice him packing. like that isn’t about magic but morgana’s faith in arthur is soo filmst meanwhile merlin has this steadfast faith in arthur even when it comes to magic. and this is a huge thing about merlin revealing his magic cuz this faith is what he has for the magical community! legit in the season 3 ending morgause and morgana attack the citizens like it def was more vengeance than anything else.

god yes people put way too fucking much on merlin for how morgana ended and to me it’s like do they not know anything of what a tragedy is? 😭 also like you said she is her own woman!!! gif everyone’s interpretations of that ep are a mind field. personally i haven’t seen that ep in a while but it’s always wild what people say about that ep

[northwest-cryptid]

Mabinogi is a game plagued by veteran players saying shit like "why are no new players signing up? The game must be too complex!" While at the same time perpetuating the most toxic "community" I've ever seen full of "guild interviews" and shit that turn the game into a social nightmare and practically a second or maybe even third job for any regular casual person who just wants to enjoy an MMORPG. The culture has become so much and I don't say this to just vent, I say this because I've been saying for a long time that there needs to be a change in the way the mabi community outwardly presents iself; because I DO know some chill cool people in the community; but not nearly as many as the toxic people. So fuck it, I am going to dedicate myself to raising those voices, being the change I want to see; and hopefully being able to help some people get into what is honestly a fantastic game with one of the WORST communities I've ever seen if I'm being entirely honest.

Here's the one thing I really want to say about all of this though, if you read/hear about any of the dumb shit I say players do; and you think "I have literally never done any of this nor do I think like this??" Great the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it; you're not one of the bad eggs then! That's good and trust me when I say you'll probably come up when I talk about the people who I actually think make this game and community worth being a part of. Because yea there ARE good, chill people out there. However I cannot overlook the absolute entitlement of the bulk of the playerbase because "Not All Milletians" are weird about this game.

If you think I'm being dumb about this I need you to consider that, in 2024:

a player (friend of mine) was approached about being new, upon confirming they were new they were given some mid-high end gear and gold; only to be told they were "indebted" to a guild because they accepted said gear. They were then told if they just blocked/ignored the individual that they'd be reported for scamming them. A new player who doesn't know any better being told that they'll be reported and banned because they are "indebted" to people who gave them free shit is fucked up, especially to tell them they have to work off their debt by joining a guild and participating in end game raids and shit? What the fuck.

I was approached personally and asked if I played the game "religiously" when I said I really enjoy the game and play often, but wouldn't put it that far; I was told that I wasn't worth the waste of time to even talk to. Because I don't take the game seriously enough if I don't "play it religiously." Yea alright.

I've had players new and old who insist on being "right" about the meta, and thus unprompted and unasked; will info dump about mechanics I understand fully as someone who has played this game literally since the NA beta. I politely explain that I know this and didn't ask for a lesson; only to be told I'm being rude because I should be grateful to be taught how to play the game. Again, I didn't ask. I cannot emphasize the condescending tone used to explain mechanics. Mechanics I didn't even get wrong? Nor that were even apparent for what we were doing?

I was referred to as an "archer fag" by a stranger for saying I enjoyed Alchemic Sharpshooter.

I saw a post on tumblr where a player literally said, in the year 2024 that "our guild is closed..." which is fine, but then... "but another guild who's friends with ours has interviews right now!" As if this is just a normal everyday thing that is sane for an MMORPG.

I joined a guild on an alt where I didn't explain to anyone that I'd played for as long as I have, and they; without talking to me about it at all paired me off with one of the other members of their guild for a "mentorship program" where I was to do weekly shadow missions and dungeons with this "more experienced player" to learn the game. This would have been fine if it was something I asked for or even wanted; but again unprompted; I didn't even know the guy they decided to pair me off with.

Upon joining most guilds I've been instructed to join discord servers and "be active in the discord server at least once a week or we will kick you." Your guild, your rules sure; but come on man I just want to play an MMO.

Like, this is the new player experience? We're all on one server now, and when I go looking for people who are welcoming to new players I find a lot of recruitment for guilds and "rush to the late game" type stuff. I find nothing for casuals, I find next to nothing for chill people who just want to enjoy an MMO. The community around Mabi is terrifying, and worse off; I literally have been told I'm "suspicious" because I will openly and enthusiastically engage with NEW players but I tend to be fearful and stay away from veterans who I don't already know. Can you blame me when so far my experience with other long time players has been so bad?! I hate that you have two options, you either silently put up with the way a lot of veteran players act; or you get ostracized and shunned for "being a hater" or whatever if you speak out about the problems with the community.

[moon-ursidae]

SESSION #4… & #5 (this one is SUPER LONG i’m sorry haha)

as always, SPOILERS for BOTH of the last of us games are below!

i feel like i have barely made a fuckin dent in this game haha so my goal today is to really get some ground. i want to finish this before i go back to school next week.

total play time:

session 4: about 5 hours

session 5: around 7 hours

i left off in a really weird spot last time bc i ended pretty abruptly so idk where it’ll put me

but this section is called Capitol Hill

it started me back a few minutes but that’s alright!

goddamnit i knew it was too quiet. there was too much short grass around here i knew some wlfs were gonna fuckin show up

NOOOOO the halloween stuff is probably reminding ellie of riley :(

i think that’s the same frankenstein statue/figure from the mall as well?

damn.

i have a feeling this place is gonna be CRAWLING with wlfs. i literally hear them already

FUCK as soon as i used the workbench

wlfs AND infected??? jfc

i at least found a card tho

THERE’S A WHOLE STEALTH UPGRADE BRANCH????

my rogue heart is so happy

I WAS WONDERING WHEN I COULD MAKE SILENCERS FUUUUUCK YEA

there’s a bunch of pride stuff around! fuck yea!

LMAO DINA “what’s with all the rainbows?”

FUCK YEA BOOKSTORE

SORORITY SECRETS💀 “it’s us right?” LMAOOOOO

that’s so fucking funny

there’s a trans flag in here too!! FUCK YEA

lmao dina getting distracted by the gay smut

OH MY GOD THE WLF ARE FUCKING EVERYWHERE

i fucking love silencers holy shit fuck yea

this area is HUGE holy shit

anutha card babyyyyyy

what if i don’t want to go to the tv station huh? what then?

dude i gotta try ellie’s half up half down hair style. i love it so much

it’s also crazy how this is still DAY ONE for them

ellie saying how she couldn’t do this without dina and dina telling ellie she wouldn’t have let her😭😭😭😭😭😭

oh shit explosive trap

anutha card babyyyyyy

“i like you.” “i want it in writing.” I LOVE ELLIE AND DINA

oh my god ellie’s talking about bill

i wonder what the fucker’s up to rn

ellieeeeeeeeeeeee don’t say that shit

“you have a bigger burden that puts you in a worse position” ELLIE NOOOO

“feel her love?” are we entering scar territory? oh fuck

TOMMY’S HORSE OH SHIT

oh no dina

ellie, dina’s pregs dude. be patient with herrrrrrrr

she sounded annoyed with her when she asked if she was good to keep going. and it doesn’t help that ellie just said that shit about other people being a burden. ELLLIIIEEEEEE

had to break for like 20 min due to some internet issues

well what was 20 min turned into like more than 7 hours HAHA

and what turned into 7 hours turned into 2 days…

so i’m just gonna mash the two sessions into one post bc it’s easier and i can sooo LMAO

i’m sorry ya’ll shit has been wack and the anxiety is in full force haha ANYWAY

SESSION #5 BEGINS HERE!!

idk where it’s gonna put me bc i ended pretty abruptly (again.)

also i think my first tattoo is gonna be the moth on the guitar and on ellie’s tattoo? i’ve been thinking about it for over a year😯

OKAY it started me a little bit after finding tommy’s horse

i already have shitty eyes i CANNOT see these traps in the tall grass dude

i have a feeling i’m gonna get jumpscared in this fuckin furniture store

ANUTHA CARD BABYYYY

I WAS RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK

THEY CRAWL NOW???????

damn i opened this safe just to be able to grab NOTHING i am fully stocked on everything

… i spoke too soon

going back for the med kit bc i tripped a fucking bomb…

more of the “feel her love” art

radio station WOOOOO

she really did learn so fucking much about surviving from joel holy fuck

bc if she only grew up in a community and didn’t go across the country w joel i don’t know if she would have the knowledge that she does

oh shiiiit there are some dead ppl upon this balcony

i don’t think this was tommy tho

nope! there’s an arrow in this person

i also like how they subtly tell you who killed them with the arrow. there have been no wlfs with bows anywhere. they all have firearms. tommy is always seen with a rifle of some kind but never a bow. so there’s a lot of process of elimination that can be done just from this alone. i fuckin love little details like that.

so it was scars. the “feel her love” graffiti and the wlf patrols frim earlier mentioned them. i love how this group is being introduced slowly. it really builds them up and tells you what you need to know about them before you encouter them.

i already know about the scar group so i have some insight, but the way they slowly add them into the mix is cool

hopefully i get a bow soon

onward to the inside!

ohhhhhhh fuck.

i don’t care who you are, no one deserves to be hung like that. that’s horrible.

damn i can’t even cut them down. fuck, man.

and those are wlf, so it was the scars

the scar symbol in blood? jesus christ.

and i know there’s gonna be combat here bc i see that clip on tiktok all the time of this encounter

the music is stressing me the fuck OUT

found another card tho

kimimela is fucking DOPE

although this does seem like a really comfy place to set up, it’s too big to defend dude

clearly that was their downfall bc jesus christ it is a massacre in here

i’ve only seen dead wlfs. no scars.

oh shit it’s leah

ellie’s hands are shaking :(

oh fuck there’s polaroids of all of them

OH SHIT THERE’S A PICTURE OF ABBY

god the way that she stares at the picture :(

and the music AHHHH :(

the way that dina recenters her by saying “3 down, right?”

god i love them

dina pointing out how fucked it would be to interrogate leah like tommy did to the one guy, but ellie is so persistent that she doesn’t feel it’s wrong GOOODDDDDD DUDE MY HEART

RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING FOR MY LIFE

ohhhhhh fuck we’re underground. i know what’s about to fuckin go down. and i want NONE of it bro

fuckin theatre WHEN?

this subway shit REALLY feels like the last of us

the lighting from the flares is fuckin SICK

oh shit i’m just gonna make them fight clickers and just wait it out this is great

this is some benny hill shit with the way they’re running in circles w clickers chasing them

the atmosphere is fuckin horrifying

i hate the bloater sounds that i’m hearin

it just feels musty down here dude i’m sweating

GODDAMNIT i know i missed a whole fuckin section to search back there and i can’t get back now. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

god fuckin damnit bro SHIT

THERE WAS PROBABLY SO MUCH STUFF BACK THERE I THOUGHT I SEARCHED EVERYTHINGUUUHHHH

THERE WAS PROBABLY A GODDAMN CARD BACK THERE

I’M SO PISSED AT MYSELF RN

the lighting and sound design down here is fucking CRAZY

the distant screams and infected sounds are helping to create a really tense environment

shambler?! what the fuckin fuck is that??

nope

nopenopenopenopenopenopenope

fuck that. i’ll see you guys later!

“holy fuck” is absolutely right ellie

i just dropped down. i want back up. fuck this dude. i don’t fuckin want it

fuck right off

thank fuck for trap mines. oh my god.

that cart holding open the door collapsing is a really smart way to close off the area

i want out of these tunnels bro

tbh scavenging is one of my favorite parts of the game. it’s so satisfying.

oh shit! there’s a carving of the scar woman in the graffiti. this shit is HELLA cultish bro

hmmmm this newspaper clipping about a community in the suburbs surviving seems like her origin story, whoever the fuck she is

“the community members unanimously credited their survival to one woman…” unanimously being the key word there

“she had a vision of catastrophe… ‘divine retribution’” yuuuup sure sounds cult-y to me

CARD ACQUIRED

“how’d you do that?” “magic.” “you’re my favorite.” THEY are my favorite your honor🥹

THERE’S A FUCKIN HAWAIIAN SHIRT IN HERE ELLIE TAKE IT

naughty dog yellow babyyyyyyy over the rail down below

oh fuck more bitches

again, thank god for trap mines

DAYLIGHT! THANK GOD!

but i know there’s more to come

ANUTHA CARD

bastet is really fuckin cool

i’m waiting for this train to fucking COLLAPSE dude

i feel so bad for dina

she’s leaning up against the train with hands on her knees :(

THERE IT IS

TRAIN COLLAPSE

ohhhh fuck i heard hella infected i’m gonna have to DIP

the way dina was so ready to go down with ellie too

she instantly offered to share masks

and the way she YELLS at ellie when she takes her mask off

GOOOODDDDDDDDDDD this is so fucked

OH SHIT TIME TO RUN

I ALMOST FUCKED THAT UP BUT I MADE IT

OH SHIT DINA

THEATRE!!!! MY BELOVED FINALLY!!!

there is a CONVERSATION that is gonna happen that needs to dude

the way dina looks at her arm AHHHHH

omg i do that same shit ellie’s doing w her hands during confrontation

her having to correct “know” to “knew” bc of joel🥲

oh fuuuuck dude i know i’m not gonna like ellie’s reaction to dina’s pregnancy

dina trying to break the tension w the “don’t worry it’s not yours” 🥺

ELLIE DON’T “are you fucking kidding me?”

I GET THIS IS STRESSFUL BUT DAMN

COMPASSION MAYBE?

ohhhhhhhhh shit a few weeks ago? shit dude.

i agree that it would’ve been good for dina to stay in jackson BUT that can’t change rn. ya’ll are in the fucking pnw

“well you’re a burden now, aren’t you?”

😐

🤦🏻‍♀️

ELLIE.

DINA’S FACE :(

FUCK DUDE

go fuckin walk it off ellie goddamn i love you and everything but ur bein dumb rn

and if joel did the same shit (which i’m sure he would have during the first game) i’d be mad at him too

DINA CURLED UP FACED AWAY FROM ELLIE :(

APOLOGIZE ELLIE.

seeing dina look so small from the balcony UUUGH

i feel like i’m gonna get jumpscared pt.716282

ANUTHA CARD

okay beyond is fucking dope i think she’s my favorite card so far

where’s the props table bc i’m gonna touch it and all the props that aren’t mine LMAO

the guy that was here before is definitely still here

and fuckin fried on the roof…

sorry bro

i feel like there’s gonna be at least one or two in the auditorium tho

THE LIGHTING IS SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDDD

“joel. you’d love watching a movie in this place.”😭😭😭

WAIT I NEVER CHECKED MY JOURNAL

hold up journal break

her shambler drawings are fuckin cool

jesus i’m getting pit orchestra flashbacks from this auditorium

THE SICK HABIT PLAYED HERE!!!

AND ELLIE GETS THE SET LIST!!!

only $25 for a concert?????

A GUITAR🥲

holy shit this guitar is pretty

FUTURE DAYYYSSSSSSSS😭😭😭

fuck dude i’m crying

cut to black???

OH FUCK IT’S THE FLASHBACK

NO I’M GONNA SOOOOOBBBBBBB

I’M ALREADY A MESS

once i hear his voice i’m gonna lose it.

3 years earlier😭

losing it.

FUUUUCK THERE HE IIIIIISSSSSSSS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I CAN SEE THE FUCKING CASETTE TAPE IN HIS TSHIRT POCKET

just seeing him standing here is making me fucking cry.

“oops.” AND HIM LAUGHING AHHHHHHH🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

“push the water with your whole arm blah blah blah” “glad to know i’m gettin through” THEY’RE SO FATHER AND DAUGHTER AND I’M GONNA LOSE MY MIND

i’m wondering if it was a choice to have joel not have any close ups during these cinematics

“i am very angry and upset.” I’M LABSLSBSKWVDKSVSOSB

I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

“you need to stop lettin people rile you up” IT APPLIES TO ELLIE CURRENTLY TOO DUDE AHHHHHH

WHEN HE’S BEEN LEADING THE WAY THE WHOLE TIME BUT THEN LET ELLIE GO FIRST THROUGH THE WOODS BEFORE THE DINOSAUR😭😭😭😭😭😭

“that’s a big boy” 🥹🥹

I’M FUCKING CRYING SO MUCH DUDE

oh i’m R E A D I N G this journal bitch

CAT MENTION!!!

omg the little 3d shape sketches w shadows and the diamond thing LMAO that shit is all over my fucking school notes

THE DRAWING OF TOMMY AND JOEL IN THEIR FUCKING COWBOY HATS😭😭

HIS CONCERN WHEN SHE WAS CLIMBING UP THE TREX😭😭

“don’t jump. CLIMB down.”

*immediately jumps*

the “HEY! HEY!” WHEN SHE JUMPED DOWN😭😭

“did you see that?” “yea i saw that” IN THE MOST EXASPERATED PARENTAL TONE UUUGGGHHHH

THE PAMPHLET THAT WAS IN HIS HOUSE😭😭

HE LOOKS SO PROUD STANDING THERE

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER PLEEEAAASSSEEEEEEEEEE

HE’S SUCH A DAD OH MY GOD

THE HAT!!

HAHAHAHA I LOVE HER

i know ashley said that “actually” in a kinda jokey nerd “um actually” voice on purpose💀

“pretty sure those are velociraptors.”

JOEL SAW JURASSIC PARK WOOOO

“sorry all the dinosaurs are busy right now.” “what are you doin?” “oh wait. one of the dinosaurs is here. joel, it’s for you.” “very funny.”

I L O V E T H E M

she really had to dig the knife deeper huh? LMAO “get it? because you’re old.”

“there was a sequel. wasn’t as good.” LMAOOOOOOOOO true

THE HAT ON DINOSAURS SAGA BEGINS

“is this gonna be a thing? please don’t let it be a thing.” OH IT’S A THING JOEL.

“triceratops. at least there’s one i recognize.” I LOVE JOEL.

THEM POKING FUN AT EACH OTHER

“this one’s brain was the size of a walnut.” “looks like you two have somethin in common” PLEAAASSSEEE

i’m gonna start crying more bc this is how me and my dad are i swear to fucking god

“tell ya what.. when we get back to jackson, movie night.” 😭😭😭😭

SHE PUT THE HAT ON HIS HEAD😭

THE GRUMBLE IN PROTEST HAHAHA

TROPHY BABY

A FUCKIN CARD????

“sarah was into those for a little while. or was it the tiny creatures? i forget.” KAHSKSHSKSVWKSBSKSBSKSHAKV

THE FACES IN THE MIRROR WHILE JOEL HITS THE DAD LEANING ON DOORWAY STANCE PLLLEEEEAAASSSSEEEEE

naughty dog said “LOOK AT HOW GOOD OUR FACIAL ANIMATION IS. L O O K. FEAST UPON IT WITH YOUR EYES”

“look how thick this one’s skull is!” “kinda looks like…tommy” “i’m telling him you said that.” “please don’t. catch it in the right light, boom. tommy.” I’M- 😭

“i happen to know a thing or two.” “from a movie.” “keep goin.” ASJSHAKSBSKSB HAHAHAHAHA

H A T LOCATED

now they both have hats🥹

“did you go to museums a lot?” “yea. sarah loved em. i swear that girl dragged me to every museum in texas.” JOEL PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“looks like a giraffe” BC SHE’S ACTUALLY SEEN THEM IN SALT LAKE CITY😭😭😭😭

JOEL PUT THE HAT ON IIIIIIITTTTTTTTT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“i see the appeal.” IN THE SOFTEST VOICE EVER😭😭😭😭😭😭

i’m suing naughty dog for emotional damage

side note: the way the light spills in from the ceiling????? GORGEOUS

oh fuck it’s the space exhibit

i love that joel could have easily gone over the fucking cabinet next to the turnstyle but he didn’t to amuse ellie😭

“did you know this was here?!” “you don’t like it. we can head back.” “shut up!” WHILE SCRATCHING THE BACK OF HIS HEAD BC HE WAS WORRIED?? I’M GONNA-

“joel, can you name all the planets?” THE WAY HE CHUCKLED LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO DROP THE BIGGEST FUCKIN MINDBLOWING INFO HAHAHAAAA

“my very educated mother just served us nice pizzas.” “uhhh… did you just have a stroke?”💀💀💀💀💀

“daggum girl, you are smart.” 😭😭

GOING THROUGH THIS AND KNOWING THAT HE HAD THE FUCKING SPACE FOR DUMMIES BOOK ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE IN JACKSON MAKES ME FUCKIN- KAHSKSHSKSVSKSVS

“tell me another fun fact.” AGAIN IN THE SOFTEST VOICE LIKE HE’S GENUINELY HAPPY HERE

“why don’t you tell me what you like about it.”😭😭

“all right, kiddo. now i get it.” AGAIN. SOFTEST VOICE. 😭😭😭😭

TROY BAKER WHAT THE FUCK

hitting ANOTHER dad stance at the fucking rover

i don’t wanna go in the shuttle bc i know i’m gonna be even MORE of a mess and that this is gonna end. and i don’t want it to bc i fucking MISS joel

the way he immediately jumps in to help her open the door on the lil shuttle🥹

here come the tears

��happy birthday kiddo.” i’m gone.

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HERRRRRR

HE CARES ABOUT HER SO FUCKING MUCH.

i fucking love how it looks like she’s actually in a shuttle to show how immersed she is🥺😭😭😭

and then it slowly fades back in GODDAMN NAUGHTY DOG

“i do okay?” JOOOOEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE WAY HE SMILES AFTER SHE SAYS “are you fucking kidding me?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE PIN ON HER FUCKING BAG FUCK OFF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“whose birthday is it?” “you can’t keep doin that!” HAHAHAHA

“i want a good splash!” i love them so fucking much. oh my god.

YYYEEESSSSSSS. it isn’t a joel and ellie adventure without ye olde boost

“okay, be safe!” “you be safe!” have i said that i love them?

there’s gonna be infected in here right? has to be.

there’s an “i killed for them” written on the wall.. not creepy at all..

ANUTHA CARD WOOOO

okay jk saura is my favorite card now

“this guy needed a hug” about the i killed for them on the wall💀

“the 4 soldiers at the gate. the last one cried.” this is fuckin creepy dude

I DON’T LIKE THIS WITHOUT JOEL HERE

she has her gun out and said “oh shit” but i don’t see anything??? I’M SCARED

“the women were tortured. choked on her own blood.” this is fucking CREEPY DUDE WHERE IS JOEL

“the stragglers that snuck into camp. they just wanted food.” have i mentioned that i don’t like this?

FUCK the crashes scared me dude

“the kid who ran into the blast. i couldn’t stop him.” dude why the fuck are you plastering this shit on a museum wall

“the people in the van. we locked them in and doused it with gas.” jesus fucking christ dude.

“there is no light.” ohhhhhhhhhh were they looking for the fireflies then?

jesus fucking christ this is sad and fucked up

what a cool birthday ellie good god

THOSE WOLVES SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME DUDE

okay i had no fucking idea there was more to this flashback after the space shuttle like i thought it ended there so i have no fucking clue what’s next

A FUCKING BOAR???? WHAT THE FUCK???

“liars.” ohhhhhhhhhh fuck. it’s definitely the fireflies.

JOEL!! damn he looks good. SORRY

yeaaaaa there’s the logo fuck bro

AND THE WAY ELLIE TOUCHES HER SCAR AKSHAKSBSKSBKWB ASHLEY JOHNSONNNNNNNNN

THE M U S I C

and how it stays on that shot??? beautiful.

SEATTLE DAY 2 BITCHESSSSSS

YESSSSS THE ICONIC BUTTON UP OUTFIT YYYEEEEAAAAAAAA

LEMME SEE THAT TATTOO ELLIE

i’m gonna practice guitar tho

DAMN playing this is harder than actual guitar

JOURNAL check-in! how we feelin ells?

oofta. expected this though.

“i shouldn’t have said that to her.” THEN TELL HER THAT

i like that her writing reflects how her brain is going 100 miles a minute

i feel like dina’s doing all this tracking even though she feels like shit bc ellie said what she fuckin said :(

have i mentioned that i FUCKING LOVE dina? bc i very much do.

oh fuuuuuuuck it’s tommy

oh fuck HILLCREST? fuuuuuuck

i feel like dina should stay

yeaaaaaa she’s not lookin good dude

YESSSSS THE BRACELET

“i don’t believe in luck.” “i do.” I LOVE THHHHEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMM

a lil smooch goodbye 🥺

I START IN HILLCREST?????

FUCK.

i think i’m gonna stop here actually? this post is already super fucking long bc i’m dumb and decided to combine session posts lmao

ANYWAY i will pick back up at hillcrest… tomorrow!

this was a longer session and i feel like i got through a decent chunk today so WOOOOOOOO

[izukult]

what type of jewelry haikyuu boys get a girl

request: Hello, i must ask what type of jewelry they’d get their girl? 🥺 i saw this on tik tok and thought it was cute and wanted to know your thoughts, you can either show pics or describe them, whatever you prefer! -anon

i don’t even have my ears pierced but if *** bought me those i’d force them thru my ears don’t even test me. sorry y’all but necklace supremacy

characters: hinata, kageyama, oikawa, sugawara, yamaguchi, tsukishima, bokuto, akaashi, iwaizumi, matsukawa, atsumu, nishinoya

hinata shoyo

a wire ring! it’s a cute little homemade ring (just because it’s homemade doesn’t mean it came from his home), he picked a gemstone for you ‘based on which one was prettiest’.

kageyama tobio

a friendship bracelet. one of the ones made of yarn, yknow? it doesn’t sound like much, but he made it himself. the ends are frayed and the pattern is a little bit messy, but he spent a Long ass time trying to figure out how to do it. he does not have money, it’s personal, it’s not flashy, and you can wear it any time. he made that for you and he’ll act like it doesn’t but it means a lot to him.

oikawa toru

promise ring. this is so on brand toru. idfc. IDFC. he gets you a buncha little gifts and throws that one in there and tries to act like super suave and cool about it! probably also gets you something with his initials (tastefully).

sugawara koushi

hair clips and a necklace. sugawara is built different, he gets two. he would absolutely buy you a cute, simple necklace on a special occasion, but he adores buying you little hair clips to wear just all the time. and some of them are super fucking nice too. sugawara kiss me challenge.

yamaguchi tadashi

charm necklaces. like the cheapish kind yknow? wide variety of cute little ones! some examples could be like a mushroom necklace, those cute layered necklaces, ones with safety pins, just a lot of  tchotchke cute necklaces. they’re afforadable, pretty, throw outfits together, and he loves seeing you wear them knowing he bought them. 

tsukishima kei

personalized leather bracelet. he got an inside joke engraved, but it’s on the inside of the bracelet. it’s so intimate? on the outside, it’s just a simple, thin leather bracelet. but the inside is him literally verbally showing how much he cares about you. you got this shit in writing, he’s gone gone.

bokuto kotaro

an anklet. i forget that people actually wear these, but i think he’d get super excited about it! it would follow dress codes for work or sports, and he could make it your favorite colors or put charms on it and it was just that ‘kinda always there’ thing and that’s his goal 😏

akaashi keiji

earrings. akaashi is absolutely a hopeless romantic, and he thinks there are just the most practical. he picks them based off your preference, of course (i.e. if you love hoops, he’ll buy you hoops. if you hate hoops clearly he won’t buy you hoops yknow?). loves em, kisses your ear when you have em on.

iwaizumi hajime

stackable rings. simplistic, cute, screams hajime. much like akaashi, he’ll always hold your hand and kiss the finger your ring is on. they’re super minimalistic and he knows you can’t go wrong with that, so it doesn’t make him anxious. plus, you can mix and match!

matsukawa issei

scannable spotify necklace. absolutely. ABSOLUTELY. spends longer picking out the song than he does the necklace, but he makes it really really matter. (however, he absolutely considers putting a gag song on there, instead chooses something that describes how he actually feels (nah, he buys both)).

miya atsumu

one of those bar necklaces with his name. yea, it’s kinda tacky, but so is he. he actually gets a pretty tasteful one, and he wouldn’t get mad at you if you didn’t wear it all the time. he wants to give you the option to, and it’s not like he hasn’t already told everyone who would listen that you two were dating.

nishinoya yu

bond touch bracelets. even though you’re literally not long distance he is so clingy. he bought them without telling you and was super duper excited about the idea (“now i get your touch even when you’re gone!!!!”). comes up with little codes for taps and soon enough you two have literally learned morse code and are communicating via bracelet. if he knows you’re anxious, he’ll send ‘i love you’ even if he’s in the same room.

[crispin-kreme]

how to mend a broken heart ; kim sunoo

part 5/7 of the series

synopsis: every one is born with a heart that glows and it is visible amongst themselves. kim sunoo has the brightest heart and so do you. but a conflict arises between sunoo's life, making the heart lose its glow. gradually, sunoo has become numb to pain once his heart lost his glow. will you be able to ignite his heart again or lose him forever?

genre: angst, slight fluff, best friends to lovers au

pairings: student! kim sunoo x gn! reader

warnings: grammatical errors, car accident, and blood

notes: look who finally updated- im gonna finish this series in a bit because it just hit me that my classes are nearing (im starting on july 21 ew) so yea yall get the gist. sorry for not updating in a long time but anyways- enjoy! also thanks to @atsuwiee for helping out with the plot! <3

sunoo was probably born with the brightest heart amongst his classmates. he kept the brightest smile and he lets out the brightest laughter. being friends with him was easy. considering you both grew up in the same neighborhood and you both study in the same school.

he was a social butterfly and you were absolutely the quite opposite but you still managed to get yourself a small group of friends. your heart grew in an average level. you were happy and at times you were sad. unlike sunoo, you bet that his heart grows brighter than yours.

with sunoo’s bright outbursts of energy, you can’t help yourself fall in love with him. the way he smiles and his eyes quickly resembles a fox, the way he laughs at your lame jokes, and the way he talks gracefully about his day. oh you were a hopeless romantic over him. on the other hand, sunoo loved you from afar as well. he simply admires every thing about you. he loves you as well.

“y/n! how was your day?” sunoo says as he walks beside you “its okay.” you simply replied. both of you were exiting the school gates, school has finally ended for this day. both of you then just decided to take a quick stroll around town. “okay? what do you mean by ‘okay��?” he asks. “sunoo, i don’t have to explain that. its alright. my day went well.” you said with a soft smile placed onto your lips. sunoo smiled “good then!” he replied.

you looked at sunoo and asked “how about you? how was your day?” sunoo shrugged “boring as usual.” he rolls his eyes “why did the teacher even separate us into two different classes?! we were always in the same class, right? it’s so boring without you.” sunoo ranted and frowned “we literally live in the same neighborhood. you can come to my house anytime.” you pointed out. sunoo’s mouth became agape “...right.” he says.

sunoo quickly checked his phone and suddenly gasped “oh no- i was supposed to go to my groupmates’ house today!” he exclaimes. “eh- what for?” you asked “for a project. don’t worry, i think their house isn’t far from here.” sunoo explained. “okay- i’ll take a detour now. take care, y/n! call me when you get home.” he tells you before running away in a rush for a school work.

you sighed as you were left alone on the sidewalk. “gosh- i’m hungry...” you mumbled to yourself. the sun was almost down but that didn’t stop you from going to a convinience store and grabbing a snack as dark came.

as you arrived home, you threw yourself on your bed. it was about 7 in the evening already. you were still alone and your parents weren’t home yet so you decided to call sunoo since you arrived home.

he didn’t pick up. it was only a voicemail.

again and again and again. sunoo didn’t pick up.

you sighed as you faced your ceiling “maybe he’s tired...” you muttered under your breath. you did your night routine before you could even go to bed. you see your heart beating- still glowing so you didn’t really have a problem with anything.

all you didn’t know, as you fall asleep. sunoo is slowly being rushed to the hospital. with his blood stained face and an unbearable pain on his head, its no surprise that he might not even get through this night due to the accident.

the glow of sunoo’s heart started to dim.

hours into your sleep, someone calls you. you stirred in your sleep as you grabbed your phone under your pillow. you just assumed it was sunoo since he’s the only person who can call you at this ungodly hour. you picked up only to hear a woman crying over the phone. you immediately jolted up as you recognized the voice.

“mrs. kim?” you responded to sunoo’s mother. “y/n? i’m so sorry to call you this late.” his mother says apologetically “its alright.” you politely replied. “its alright. what’s wrong, mrs. kim?” you asked in curiousity and concern “well... its about sunoo.” his mother stated.

the news made you feel uneasy. you felt your world stop.

its been a week since the accident. sunoo wasn’t coming to school nor sunoo was contacting you. when you tried to visit sunoo, he forbid you to do so. his texts became shorter and blunt as well as his attitude. you checked the glow of your heart and it was still glowing at a normal rate. you wonder how sunoo’s heart is glowing right now.

sunoo’s heart completely lost its glow. sad to say, his condition made him numb to any pain. he wanted to be isolated. after that car accident, it was discovered that sunoo has turned deaf due to the severe head trauma he experienced during the accident. ever since he got discharged, he never showed up to school and contacts you at a seldom rate.

truly, he wanted to be isolated because of his condition. he feared that you will never love him back because he is now completely deaf. he could still talk but he still needs to learn some sign languages at the moment.

you didn’t hesitate to storm into his house (with the notice of his parents of course. you let them know that you were going to visit him). you made your way quickly into his house and in front of his bedroom. you knocked aggresively. you were a bit furious on why he didn’t want you to visit him thus, you being aggresive.

“open the door, fucker!” you raised your voice. sunoo was curled up in bed, not knowing you were there in front of his door. “i’m coming in you ‘lil shit.” you announced as you barged in his door. you saw sunoo curled up in bed, not noticing your presence. you closed the door and stood in front of him.

sunoo suddenly jolted up upon seeing your presence “y-y/n!” he stutters. sunoo needed to explain faster so that you could communicate with him. “before you talk. i have something to say.” he says. you sit down beside him on his bed. sunoo fixes his posture and looks at you straight in the eye.

“i- y/n, i-i’m deaf.” sunoo said. your eyes widened. “...so please. just type your response in the notes. i couldn’t hear you. i’m so sorry.” he explained, as he tries to regulate his voice. you were still in shock so you nodded and grabbed your phone. you typed in your response.

so this is why you’ve been avoiding me ever since the accident?

sunoo read your response and nodded in reply.

why? you thought that i would dislike you for it?

“yes...” he replied with his head low. “i-i really thought of that.” he added. still, you could see how sunoo was a bit blunt. but sunoo’s heart started to glow little by little, he could feel some warmth.

you listened to him carefully. sunoo’s tears started to form and fall down. “i- i love you, y/n! when i knew i lost my hearing, i feared that you’ll never feel the same way for me.” he explained. sunoo’s heart started glowing brightly again.

“its ridiculous to love someone who can’t hear, right?” he asked rhetorically as he wiped his tears. you couldn’t help but tear up too now that he confessed to you. you brought his face up to your sight and cupped his face.

sunoo reads your lips.

‘i love you too.’ is what you said and sooner later you had to type it in. but sunoo understood you.

“how-“ sunoo gets cut off as you kissed his lips. he wiped your tears “stop crying...” sunoo says as he tried to smile. “i love you so much.” he adds.

your heart glowed brightly like the sun so as sunoo’s. he feels your warmth again, he feels happy.

finally, even without hearing your voice, his broken heart is now mended.

would you like to proceed?

yes/go back

[tashas-life]

Summer Shenanigans

Paxton and Devi spend the summer together and have a banging playlist

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Nothing really.”

“I’m outside, let’s go to the beach.”

Devi threw her bag through the back window of Paxton’s jeep and jumped in the front seat.

“Did you bring my suit?” Devi asks as she pulled on her seatbelt. Devi’s mom would never let her wear a bikini so she had to save up her money from working at the summer camp to buy it. She usually hid it at the back of her underwear drawer but since she’d been going swimming with Paxton more days than not, she just kept it in his car.

“Yep, I threw it in the laundry.” Paxton pulled out onto the road and Devi started messing with the music.

Her and Paxton were both working at the same summer camp so they spent most days together. Paxton had spent the last two summers working at the camp and Devi wanted to make her own money so she had applied too. It was also convenient because she always had a ride to work instead of asking her mom or Kamala. Paxton had promised to teach her to drive this summer but she always chickened out whenever he offered.

Devi always insisted on picking the music when they went anywhere and Paxton didn’t mind. She settled on Ariana Grande’s album and turned up the volume as Motive filled the car. Paxton rolled down all the windows and stuck his arm out to feel the breeze. It was one of the hottest days of the summer so Paxton’s shirt was mostly open and Devi had her new sunglasses on. This was the first summer that Devi was making real money and she tended to spend most of it by the time the next pay day had rolled around.

Once they got to the beach Devi jumped in the backseat and Paxton got out to stand guard. Devi was a pro at the quick change at this point and quickly shimmied into her bikini without having to take off her dress completely.

Once Devi hopped out of the backseat, Paxton grabbed the drinks cooler and Devi grabbed their towels and a speaker. Usually the beaches were packed on hot days but Paxton had a special super power of finding an empty part of the beach to spend the day. They found a spot to settle and Devi started applying sunscreen.

“Did you hear Kenny is sick again. Mono.” Paxton said with an eye roll and Devi groaned.

“You think he’s going to be out all week again? Taylor should just fire him and hire someone else at this point.” Devi tossed Paxton the sunscreen and laid down on her towel.

“Yea right, Taylor probably gave him the mono. He’ll never fire him.” Devi laughed and closed her eyes.

“I don’t even understand how they find the time to mack. Those kids never stop.” Devi said.

“Yea well, next week they’re going to be our problem again.” Usually each camp leader had about 5-10 kids to watch but with Kenny constantly gone they always ended up with more kids.

“Honestly, fuck Kenny.” Devi grumbled and Paxton nodded. “Did you see Eleanor’s insta post? Her and Trent are like embarrassingly in love.” Devi asked as she pulled out her phone to show him a boomerang of them kissing on some hike.

“I think it’s cute.” Paxton grinned as Devi made a vomiting face. “I invited them to come today but apparently they would rather be aloneeee.”

“That’s so nasty.” Devi said and Paxton laughed.

“I’m going in, you coming?” Paxton asked but Devi shook her head.

“Nah man, I’m working on my tan.” Devi said but really she just preferred laying on the sand and watching the water than actually being in it.

“Your loss.” Paxton replied, shoving her as he got up to go swimming.

……

“Okay, the thing is that I just don’t think I’m coordinated enough for this.” Devi said as she stood on Paxton’s skateboard. She felt a little embarrassed at how wobbly she was and that she was wearing her bike helmet that she got when she was ten. Paxton had his car door open and Lizzo’s album was playing. Juice blasted into the street and Devi knew people would complain soon.

“I’m literally holding on to you. You can’t fall.” Paxton said as he led her down the road.

“I feel like I could still fall.” Devi said as she started tipping back and Paxton’s grip tightened as he pulled her forward.

“I won’t let you fall Devi. Would you just trust me for once?” He asked playfully annoyed.

“Shut up, I literally trust you all the time.”

“You shut up.” Paxton countered.

“Wow, real mature.” Devi replied sarcastically.

Devi was too busy arguing to notice them start to go faster. Of course that is until she did notice. Then she was falling again and she was falling fast. Paxton managed to grab her before she fell on her face and swung her off the skateboard. Devi held onto Paxton as the skateboard started rolling down the street without them. They looked at each other and immediately started laughing.

“I think you might be right about the coordination thing.” Paxton said and Devi shoved him away from her.

“Or maybe you’re a bad teacher.” She grinned at his shocked face as she ran to grab the skateboard.

“I’m never teaching you anything ever again” he retaliated.

“Come over here and help me loser.” Paxton crossed his arm in defiance.

“Tell me I’m a good teacher.”

“Stop being a baby.”

“Wooooow, even more insults. Bad teacher and a baby.”

“Fine, you’re a good teacher. Now let’s get on with this.” Devi said as she started to get on the skateboard again.

“Thank you.” Paxton replied satisfied. He grinned and went to help her again.

……..

Usually, they were separated during their days at camp since each group rotated through activities but on Fridays all of the kids got to go to the community pool. Those were obviously Paxton’s favourite days because he got to hang out with Devi but he also loved getting to teach some of the kids how to swim.

Usually, Paxton stayed in the shallow end with the younger kids and Devi sat at the deep end with the older kids. Vacation by Dirty Heads was playing over the pool speakers and Devi had her legs in the water as she chatted with some kids.

“Yea, high school kind of sucks. What you gotta do is find a popular kid and force them to be your friend.” Devi told some kids who were going to be freshmen in the fall.

“That’s terrible advice.” Paxton laughed as he came to stand next to her in the pool. He had switched with Kenny who was now watching the younger kids. They had given up on learning to swim and were mostly just playing and splashing water at Kenny.

“Really? You got anything better?” Devi asked crossing her arms.

“Yes. Find something that makes you excited to go to school, for me that was swimming, for D it was being my best friend. And also don’t give a shit about what other people think of you.” Paxton told the kids and Devi kicked his arm. “Oh shit, I mean just don’t care what other people think.”

“I meant the best friend thing.” Devi rolled her eyes.

“You were literally obsessed-“ before Paxton could finish Devi had jumped in and shoved Paxton’s head underwater.

Paxton managed to push Devi away from him and had his arm out separating them.

“Hey, you better stop or your top is going to fall off again.” Paxton laughed and Devi’s face started burning up. Yes, the bikini was cute but it wasn’t the most reliable bathing suit she had. Rough housing had led to a very embarrassing incident that Devi was trying to forget.

“I’m going to kill you.” Devi lunged at him and Paxton managed to grab her arms.

“Hey anger issues, chill out.” Paxton said with a grin. Devi managed to pull her arms away and splashed Paxton.

“Go do your job loser!” Devi yelled as she turned to go back to her post.

……

Devi swung the door open and was surprised to see Paxton. Usually he just texted her when he got to her house.

“Let’s go for a drive.” Paxton said as he held up his car keys.

“Okayyy.” Devi said as she grabbed her backpack from the door.

“Here ya go.” He said as he tossed the keys to her. She just about dropped them and didn’t move from her front door.

“Naaaa, I don’t think today’s the day.” Devi said nervously. She had failed her drivers test last month because she hadn’t practiced enough. It was the first time she hadn’t prepared and it was also the first time she had failed a test.

“Come on D, your test is in a few weeks and don’t you want to have your licence by the time school starts?” Paxton asked as he opened the drivers side door. He motioned for her to get in and she groaned before going to the car.

It wasn’t legal for Paxton to teach her how to drive but her only other option was her mother which hadn’t worked out. Devi was pretty sure she failed her test because driving with her mom had made her so anxious that getting behind the wheel made her want to throw up even when her mom wasn’t around. She had even done drivers ed but that apparently wasn’t enough because she still failed.

“Are you sure? What if I scratch your car or something?” Devi asked as they both got in the car.

“Then I’ll literally kill you, so don’t scratch my baby.” Paxton said as he gently caressed his dash.

“That’s not really helpful.” Devi muttered as she nervously changed the seat settings.

“We’ll go to the school parking lot. It’s just down the street and the lot will be empty.” Devi nodded as she turned the car on. She kept her foot on the brakes as she looked at Paxton desperately.

“Listen to Tai, you’re going to be A-O-K.” Paxton said as he turned up the music. “Also, don’t forget to signal, you lost so many points for that.”

Paxton didn’t look nervous at all which made Devi feel a little bit better. If he could be confident in her driving skills than so could she. Devi signalled and did a very exaggerated shoulder check before she pulled onto the road. There were no cars around the whole way to the school so the only thing she had to deal with were some stop signs and one set of lights. She totally could do this.

Devi’s whole body relaxed once they pulled into the parking lot and she didn’t have to worry about hitting things or people anymore.

“That was pretty good actually. How did you fail?” Paxton asked.

“Probably because I suck at driving?” Devi told him as she put the car in park.

“Shut up, you had issues with the parallel park right?” Paxton asked as he got out of the car.

“What are you doing?” Devi asked as he closed the door.

“Im going to teach you how to parallel park.” Paxton grinned sticking his head through the window.

Devi waited as he grabbed stuff from out of his trunk. A bin full of blankets and an empty cooler he had forgotten about. He set them up as pretend cars and he went to the drivers side.

“Okay, line yourself up.” Paxton said as Devi slowly moved the car so the bin of blankets was lined up with the back of the jeep.

Paxton gave her instructions and ran around indicating for her how far to back up and how much to turn the wheel and eventually she got into the spot.

“I don’t think they’re going to let you guide me into a spot on the test.” Devi said annoyed that it took so long.

“You just gotta keep practicing, eventually it’ll just be second nature.” Paxton said as he got back in the car. “Pull out and this time I’m not going to help you.” Paxton said as she groaned.

“I hate this.” Devi said getting frustrated.

“You won’t hate this once you can drive yourself anywhere you want. Now start moving before I force you to practice highway driving.” Paxton said as he relaxed into his seat.

Devi wanted to hit him and get angry but she knew he was her only hope of passing her test in a month so she contained herself and kept practicing.

When the day of Devi’s test came around she felt pretty confident she was going to fail again. Paxton had given her a pep talk before he left her house the night before but it hadn’t helped with her nerves.

“You got this, okay? Just make sure you signal, and don’t forget the emergency brake when you do the hill park.” He told her as he held her shoulders. “By this time tomorrow, you’re going to be fully licensed because you’re a great driver.”

Devi was just as shocked as her mother when she pulled into the DMV and had almost no deductions on her test. Nalini didn’t know about Paxton teaching her to drive but she managed to convince her that is was because the tester was a lot nicer than the last one. She had smiled the entire time she got her new license and had raced back to the car. She knew Paxton would be waiting for her at her house and she was beyond excited to tell him that his methods had actually worked.

Paxton was leaning on his car checking his phone when they got home. She had to stop herself from running to Paxton to tell him the good news. She got out of the car and Nalini kissed her head before going into the house.

“How’d it go?” He asked as she crossed her arms and pretended to look disappointed.

“I passed babyyy!” She screamed as she whipped out her temporary license.

“I fucking knew it! You never trust me.” Paxton grabbed her and spun her around.

“Where do you wanna go? I’m driving.” Devi said and Paxton laughed as he got in the passenger seat.

…..

“Can you spot me ten bucks?” Devi asked as she searched through her backpack for some money.

“You have literally worked all summer, how are you always broke?” Paxton muttered as he pulled out some change from his console.

“I just don’t have any cash on me.”

Paxton gave her a handful of change and Devi looked at him annoyed.

“Quarters? Really?” Devi struggled to hold all the coins and Paxton shrugged.

“Take it or leave it, but if you want boba I suggest you take it.” Paxton grinned and Devi rolled her eyes as she realized she couldn’t open the door holding all the change.

Paxton laughed as he leaned over to open the door for her. “Get me a milk tea.” He said as she hopped out of the car.

“If I even make it there without any hands.” She grumbled.

By the time she got back with their drinks, Paxton had all the windows down blasting Young Dumb & Broke by Khalid.

“Really?!” She had to scream for him to hear her over the music. He lip synced to the lyrics as he pointed to her and dramatically danced to the music. “You’re so annoying!” She screamed as he took a big sip of his tea. He pointed at the drink as if to say that it tastes good and gave her the ok sign with his fingers. Devi just rolled her eyes and sipped on her mango slush. She guessed it was worth the embarrassing amount of quarters she gave to the cashier and having to listen to Paxton call her dumb and broke.

“Are you going to make it to Trent’s this weekend? Last party of the summer.” Paxton asked as he turned the music down.

“Have you met my mother? She’s not going to let me go to Trent’s house for a party.” Devi replied looking through Paxton’s Spotify.

“Since when do you tell your mom about going to parties?” Paxton asked snorting.

“I’m trying to turn over a new leaf this year. No more lying, especially to my mom.” She said as she put on Savage by Megan Thee Stallion and Beyoncé.

“What if she knew I was taking you?” Paxton knew the party would suck without Devi there.

“Yeaaaaa, my mom might like you now but not that much.”

“Come on D, it’s the last party of the summer. You have to go!” Paxton pouted as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Fine, fine, I’ll figure out a way to go out but there’s no way she’ll let me stay out past 11.” Paxton smiled at her and agreed to be DD so he could get her home by 11.

By the time the weekend rolled around, Nalini didn’t even seem bothered by Devi leaving. Her and Kamala had been going crazy planning her wedding and Devi tended to be unhelpful in that area. She was only good for the grunt work, which she was sure there would be a lot of once it got closer to the day.

All she had to say was that she was going to Eleanor’s house for a back to school hangout and Nalini quickly agreed to get her out of the house. Technically she wasn’t lying because they had to pick up Eleanor at her house and they were having a back to school hangout. It was just a hangout with most of the school and alcohol.

Devi acted as casual as possible as she closed the front door but she sprinted as soon as the door closed. She didn’t want to risk her mom seeing her actually getting in Paxton’s car instead of Fabiola’s. Devi had been asking her mom for a car for weeks but still nothing. Her mom was convinced that she should have enough money saved since she had a summer job but summer camps didn’t exactly pay top dollar and Devi was pretty irresponsible with her money this summer. She figured she had two more summers to hustle before she went to Princeton.

“You look so pretty in that dress.” Paxton said as soon as she got in the car.

Devi blushed and couldn’t control her smile. “Shut up loser.”

Paxton smiled back at her as they went to pick up Eleanor and Fabiola.

Trent’s house was packed full of people but he was standing at the door waiting for Eleanor. He hugged her tightly and dragged her off to the back of the house.

Paxton went to grab them some drinks and handed Devi and Fabiola beers. “Bread soda.”

Devi rolled her eyes and shoved him away. Fabiola had learned a long time to ignore their inside jokes and she wandered off.

Paxton was always treated like a god at parties and everyone wanted their time with him. Paxton gave people his typical cool guy head nod and pulled Devi outside where it was less crowded.

“So, you excited for school to start?” Paxton asked and Devi looked confused.

“Sure, I guess.” Paxton looked nervous which made Devi more confused. “Why are you making weird small talk?”

“I just guess this is the last time we’re hanging out before school starts.” Devi’s confusion became anger very quickly.

“What is that supposed to mean? Like things are going to change when school starts?” Devi questioned starting to get upset.

“No, chill Devi. I mean I do want things to change but not the way you think.” Now Devi was back to confused.

Paxton looked frustrated and looked around them. No one was around or paying attention to them. Paxton turned back to Devi and got way closer to her than she was used to. Kiss Me More by Doja Cat and SZA was playing in the house but it sounded far away.

He touched her cheek and lifted her mouth to his. “Is this okay?” He asked nervously.

Instead of answering Devi pushed her lips against his. Paxton smiled against her and pulled her tight to him.

……

“You want me to pick you up tomorrow?” Paxton texted and Devi smiled when she saw the message.

“Sure, if you don’t mind.” She replied quickly.

“No worries, we’re both going to the same place. Better for the environment and all that”

“I’ll make a driving playlist.” He sent back a smiley face and an ok hand.

Devi couldn’t wait for tomorrow. This was going to be the best summer of her life.

[emmys-main]

Intro (Part 1 of Love Me Good)

Summary: When you mention that you’ve never been satisfied by a man in bed, your older friend Chris makes you an offer you can’t refuse. Part II: Closer

Pairing: Chris Evans x female reader 

Warnings: SMUT. Implied age gap, graphic oral sex (performed on a female). Do not interact if you are not 18+. 

Title Inspiration: Intro by the XX

You didn’t know quite how the conversation of sexual satisfaction came up, but you weren’t mad that it was happening. Maybe it was because you were drunk off vodka and pink lemonade. Maybe it was because you were with a group of friends you trusted. Maybe it was because you were just having fun. 

You were in a quiet suburb of Boston with a group of friends who were filming a movie there. You had been working for Chris’s mom’s theater for about three yeas after college, which was how you met Chris, and he’d introduced you to his friends, and then you’d taken a job on a TV show that Chris was filming back in Boston. It had been a wild couple of years, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Chris was, without a doubt, one of your best friends. Most of your friends in the area had scattered after college, allowing you to get closer to your employer’s son.

You’d been playing stupid games for most of the night after the Bruins game ended and you didn’t feel like going home quite yet; Chris was your ride, anyway, because he didn’t want you going back yourself so late. Somehow the game had turned to truth or dare, the real version of truth or dare - tell the truth or do whatever the other person says. Of course, in a room full of adults who were full of home-made chips and dip and alcohol, it turned dirty. 

“I’m serious, answer it!” Your friend Janie said, nudging you with her elbow. “Come on, you have to! Or I’ll dare you to answer it!” 

“Fine!” You sighed. You felt heat on your cheeks, starting to sweat a little more than you had been. “Never. I’ve never had an orgasm with a guy, okay?” Janie and another friend, Will, let their jaws drop before falling into a fit of laughter that you knew would happen. Even Chris, who was sitting there, laughed a little bit as he took another sip of his beer. He was probably the most sober of all of you - he was your ride, after all. 

“What about Jay?” Will asked. “You dated him for two years in college.” 

“I lied! He tried, and I almost got there, but I never did unless I was on my own,” you said, pulling your cardigan a little closer to you like it would guard your secret that was already out. “There’s your answer, okay? Now take the conversation away from me.” You took a sip from the pink-rimmed steel straw you were drinking out of, the lemonade and vodka mix stinging your lips like it had been all night. 

“Chris, your turn! Same question or dare!” Janie turned her attention to Chris, who immediately looked like a deer in the headlights. The look on his face faded and suddenly he was chuckling, his cheeks slightly flushed. 

“My record is five in one night. But I don’t remember the last time, so you’re not getting an answer to that.”

“Oh bullshit! There’s no way you don’t remember.” Chris shrugged, putting his hands in his sweatshirt. You secretly loved when Chris dressed like he was that night - in jeans and a sweatshirt and a Bruins hat, not concerned with anyone who might be taking pictures or spreading rumors about what he said. You knew he trusted you the first time he came over to watch a movie and told you some secrets from the set, not even worried about whether you would say something. He looked like any other guy, not Chris Evans. He looked like the guy who was easily your closest and most trusted friend. 

“I don’t remember!” He insisted. “But at least I know it happened.” He looked over at you, winking, and you just rolled your eyes. Chris was a flirt. A hardcore flirt. And nothing ever came of it because you figured he just wasn’t into you. Tonight had been different, though, because as soon as the alcohol started flowing he was all touchy-feely and flirty and was just overall different. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice it.

You went a few more rounds of the game, ending up revealing that the craziest place you’d ever done it was in the communal showers sophomore year. Chris’s answer was an awards show green room, a much better answer, but he tried to play it off, saying it was too hot and he was worried about getting anything on his date’s dress, making excuses to play it down so it wouldn’t seem like anyone was missing out on anything. 

You helped clean up before you walked across the street and climbed in Chris’s car. He turned the air conditioning vents toward you, making sure you were cool because you were sweating from all of the alcohol. He put on some 80′s music you didn’t quite recognize and started driving back toward your apartment. You grabbed a water bottle from the cupholder in the console, drinking a little bit of it before remembering it had been there since you got out of the car and that the water inside of it was hot. 

“You can't be fucking serious about that,” Chris remarked when you were reflecting on the night. “You had to have had at least one. Maybe you didn’t notice it, but you had to!” 

“I think I just put too much pressure on myself,” you admitted, “because I almost always get there but I never fully just...” You clenched your fists, looking for a good word, and let your voice trail off when you couldn’t find one in your vocabulary. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not satisfied with it. It’s fine. I’ve just kind of come to know I’m not going to and it’s whatever, you know? As long as I have fun otherwise.” 

“Oh, that’s such bullshit. I’ll admit it’s not everything, but come on! It’s kind of the end goal there.” Chris stopped at a red light, looking over at you to make sure you were okay. You could see that his cheeks were returning to their normal color, even in the bright red light from the truck ahead of you’s brake. He was definitely sober. And this wasn’t a conversation you’d ever even think to have if you were sober, too. 

“Yeah, but... I don’t know.”

“You’ve never been with a good guy, then,” Chris said after a second. He crossed his arms against his chest as he waited for the truck to go, then gently took his brake off and put his hands back on the wheel and the gear shift where he always rested his right fist. 

“Then fucking tell me where they are because obviously I don’t know how to look for them, either.” Chris scoffed. “And, besides, I’m pretty enough to fuck and that’s all. No guy ever wants to stick around to learn how to make me feel good and it’s fucking annoying.”

“That’s just about the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. But maybe you need to look for a friends with benefits thing instead of anything else. At least at first. I hate hooking up with people because you don’t know them, you don’t know what they like or what they want to try or anything. You just know them for two hours and then they fuckin’ leave. But a friends with benefits, at least you know them and you can be idiots with each other.”

“Knowing me I’d probably catch feelings,” you scoffed, rubbing your hair a little when it hit a spot on your ear and started itching. 

“Take me, for example,” he said. You sat up, giggling. 

“What? You?” 

“Exactly! You love me as a friend and nothing else. I wouldn’t even think twice about doin’ something because i know you and I care about you, but I also know that it wouldn’t be weird.”

“You think you and me wouldn’t be weird?”

“At first, maybe, but...” He looked over at you. “You’re hot and we can act like adults, is all I’m saying. That’s what I mean. You don’t want to get with someone you can’t act like an adult with. Literally and metaphorically.” 

“Are you offering?” You asked after a second of silence, having been biting your tongue. The words came out of your mouth before you could stop them. Damn being drunk, even a little bit. it just made the part of you always afraid to step on someone’s toes go away. Chris shrugged in response and took a turn, and you noticed that you were almost back to your apartment. 

“Maybe,” he said. “Depends on if you’re accepting. I just can’t stand the fact that no one’s ever made you cum, it’s fucking ridiculous. And if you’re into it...” His voice faded out when he realized you were looking at him. 

“Sure,” you said in response, trying to be nonchalant about it. Inside, your heart was starting to race. Secretly, you’d always wondered what was inside of the gray sweatpants he would wear to set every morning, what was underneath the sweatshirt he would wear when it was cold outside, how his hair would feel running through your fingers... but you’d always been against it, thinking it was just empty flirting. He was so much older than you, he could have any woman he wanted, and he was so damn out of your league. But maybe, if this was one way you could have him, you wanted to. 

“Really?” He asked, looking over at you. You were at the stop sign right before your apartment. It was now or never. 

“Really,” you responded. His lips teased at a smile in the light of the street lamps and he pressed on the gas pedal, riding the short distance to your apartment before pulling into the driveway. “Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah.” He sniffled and turned off the car, then got out. You waited for him to cross over to you, looking in the darkness to make sure nothing was coming, before walking you up the stairs. You started sweating as you fiddled with your keys, trying to find the right one. 

“You wanna just watch a movie or something? You know, we don’t have to get into anything,” he suggested. You found the key with blue duct tape on it, labeled with your apartment number, and nodded as you stuck it in the door. 

“Sounds good.” You walked into the apartment and turned on the light, your head taking a minute to adjust to the light. “You know where the bedroom is, pick a movie. I’m going to use the bathroom.” He nodded and looked you up and down, smiling to himself, and the feeling of being checked out by him like a piece of meat sent shivers up and down your spine. The shivers stayed until you were in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, rolling up your cardigan in your hands. You weren’t wearing any makeup, but it didn’t really matter. You just made sure that you didn’t have any toilet paper or anything stuck down there, sighing, knowing you didn’t do that well when you'd shaved that morning. But Chris was your friend - if he wanted you, he wanted you. He wouldn’t care whether you had razor bumps or not. 

You sighed, looking at yourself for a minute, and left the room. You walked into the bedroom to see Chris on the bed, shoes already off, hoodie off to reveal a white t-shirt, and his hat was on the nightstand. You sat down on the bed beside him, kicking your shoes off, and he turned on some movie that you knew you weren’t going to be able to watch. You looked at him in the dim lighting of the room before laying your head on his shoulder. He leaned back against the wall and the two of you sat like that for a few minutes, laughing at the TV when you realized he’d put on Forgetting Sarah Marshall, one of your favorites. 

“This fucking movie,” you giggled. He laughed, too, but soon you were calm again. He must have been able to feel it because he pressed a kiss to your head. Did he want to start something now? You wondered. You looked up at him to see that he did, and before you could say anything or do anything his lips were on yours. 

You’d always suspected he was a good kisser, but you didn’t know how right you were until that moment. He nearly tackled you right off the bat, swinging one of his legs over your torso until you were trapped underneath him. He gave you what felt like a million kisses before coming up for air. 

“You like it rough?” He asked you in a low, husky voice. You were so close to him that you could see his pretty eyelashes up close for the first time. His pupils, those gorgeous eyes, were blown up with pure lust and a sick smile came over his face when you started nodding your head. He was the predator now, and you were the prey, and you didn’t even want to try to run away from it.

“I need to hear you, princess, do you like it rough?” He asked. 

“Y-yes,” you said. It came out more like a whimper, your voice dry from the soul-sucking kiss he’d given you. As soon as you spoke a soft smile came over his face, replacing the almost grinch-like grin he’d had a moment ago. 

“Good girl. We’re not gonna do the main event tonight, but I want to make you happy, is that okay?” 

“Okay,” you whined. You could feel heat between your legs, soaking your underwear and your tight jeans. How could he make you like that with just a few words and a kiss? You were met with another searing kiss, Chris’s hand moving up to your throat. He rest his hand right above your collarbone, right where you were the most vulnerable. His fingers pressed into your skin, a hang-nail on his thumb scratching at it. You could barely think because of the way he was shoving your tongue down his throat, giving you no opportunity to breathe between the body on top of you and the warmth in your mouth. His tongue slid past your lips so easily, inviting you to go to war with his, and you took it. His kisses alone were like fire burning you from the inside out. 

After what felt like minutes of just being there, kissing him with his hand on your throat, he pulled away. You wondered what he was going to do but he took his hands and put them down to your jeans, un-fastening the button. A limp, slightly greasy curl fell from behind his ear and with no hesitation, you tucked it back there. He gave you another sweet smile. His fingers fiddled with your button for a second before he started to pull the high-waisted jeans down. He chuckled when he saw that you were wearing underwear that matched your t-shirt. It was strange - you were always so afraid of your own body, looking down and seeing how close your stomach was to overlapping your toes, grabbing at your thighs wishing they would just disappear. But with Chris, you’d known him for so long and felt so comfortable with him that you didn’t even care he could see all of the stretch marks and the baby fat that had never left your stomach. 

“If I’d known you were this god damn beautiful,” he muttered under his breath as he pulled your jeans over your ankles, discarding them to the floor. You sat up in a moment of bravery, pulling your t-shirt off to reveal your bra. Chris’s eyes had starts in them - you never once recalled feeling that way with anyone. You’d only ever been a bundle of nerves before. Now, that bundle was unraveling swiftly. Chris took the time to pull his own shirt off, allowing you to see every dip and curve in his skin. You couldn’t help but grin. God, he was amazing. Your hands went to his waist, breathless at how the man in front of you was actually real. 

“You gonna let me take these off too?” He asked. “You wanna let me eat you out?” 

“Yeah,” you responded. You felt a chill run up and down your spine and then to your hips as Chris’s thumbs hooked in your underwear and pulled them down, revealing you to the cold air of your room. Your legs came open without a command to, and when you did Chris’s eyes turned black again. You’d shaved that morning, not even thinking you’d get any that night, just because you liked to keep it shaved. So your pussy was as open as a flower, right in front of him, pink and perfect and glistening with wetness that you couldn’t control. It was freezing, making you want to close your legs, but you didn’t. You laid there, breathless, and watched as Chris laid down on the bed. He laid in between your legs on his stomach, just for a second, looking. You felt the heat on your cheeks, the aching in your bones for even just a little bit of his air against you. 

The silence of the room was interrupted by Chris again, this time as he spat on your open pussy. It hit your bundle of nerves and you squirmed, earning hands on your hips once again. You jumped when you felt his cold fingers on them, rubbing your juices together. You’d never thought about how hot that was until then - fuck, you could’ve watched him do that all day. 

“That feel good?” He asked in a dark voice. 

“So good,” your lust-filled voice groaned back at him. You moved a piece of hair out of his eyes again, and as if to thank you, he moved to kiss your thighs. He said he was going to tease you, and tease he did - he kissed everywhere but the part of you he’d wet. You gasped at the feeling of his teeth on the thin, sensitive skin of your thighs, sucking little bruises into them. You were suddenly grateful that it was November and you weren’t wearing shorts anymore, otherwise the entire world would have been able to see what Chris had done to you. 

“Fuck, you’ve got the most perfect pussy I’ve ever fuckin’ seen,” Chris said. It almost sounded like a dream when he said it. Faraway and unreal. And then he made it real by stopping the teasing and going straight to the source. You threw a hand over your mouth, not wanting to make too much noise but still too surprised to stop it from happening. You let out a small, high-pitched yelp as his tongue hit your clit first. He sucked it right into his mouth first, as if all of the teasing was over, and just as you let out another moan he let it go. You could hear a chuckle and at the same time, more of your wetness fell out of you. He lapped it up with his tongue, licking a stripe up and then back down, and then around. He was slow and careful with his movements, but it felt like the times you’d been eaten out before - like his tongue was everywhere and nowhere at once. 

This was different, though. This was Chris. This was your best friend, eating you out in the darkness, trying to prove a point that had blown out of proportion. You had to stop another moan from leaving your lips when he sucked you into him, pressing his nose onto your clit by just an accident. 

“No, I wanna hear those pretty sounds,” he cooed. “Tell me when you start getting close, but don’t put any pressure on yourself, alright?” You nodded, your head falling back onto the pillow. “Just sit back and relax, baby girl, I got you.” 

You felt a finger probe at your entrance, and then two, and suddenly he was only rubbing his tongue against your clit and his fingers were inside of you. Your own fingers never felt this good, you thought, ever. He thrust them in and out of you and you could hear the lewd noises of everything going on over the movie. You were whimpering and whining and egging Chris on as he continued to eat you out. Your body was getting hotter and hotter and you were on the brink, but... what if you couldn’t? What if this was just like every other time when you got so close but never could? What if... Chris stopped what he was doing and looked up at you, pulling his fingers from you to grab at your hands. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You want me to stop?”

“No,” you said loudly. “Please don’t stop.”

“Okay, then, you gotta relax for me, sweetheart. Just cum when you want to, it’s okay.” You calmed down before he went back to work, sucking and lapping at you. It felt so good, even the sweat on your back felt good, that your legs started to close. He didn’t protest. He just let it happen, and suddenly you could hear him gasp for air before returning right to your wet, now swollen pussy. That was finally what tipped you over the edge. 

“Fuck!” You sobbed out, gasping for air as you felt at your highest. Chris took his mouth away from you and replaced it with his fingers, rubbing at your clit as your legs jerked and threatened to kick him. If you’d been looking at him you could see that he was smiling, that his beard was literally shining in the darkness with your wetness on him. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go slow now,” he said softly, more to himself than you, and his fingers slowed on your clit. When you finally stopped moving, still gasping for air, he disappeared. You didn’t know where he went at first, but after a minute of stillness he returned with your steel water bottle and a washcloth from your closet, one you rarely used. It was wet with warm water. 

“Thanks,” you managed to say, sitting up a little to drink. You twisted the lid off and your hands were shaking, but you drank the cold water. It breathed the life back to you, pulling you down from the highest of the highs you’d ever experienced. And then there was the heat of the cloth against you, and Chris’s soft sh, it’s okay, and then it was all over. He took the bottle and put it on your nightstand, then pulled your blankets out from underneath you. You were naked, still, but he didn’t seem to care. He tucked you in and started getting dressed, noticing that you were tired. 

“I’m gonna let you get some rest, okay?” He said. “Sound good?” 

“Okay.” He leaned down and kissed your temple, putting the TV remote over on the bed beside you. 

“Good night, gorgeous. Call me tomorrow morning and we’ll get some coffee, alright?”

“Okay.” You shut your eyes and fell asleep without a single care in the world. 

The next morning you woke up, noticing that you were naked above anything else. Normally you didn’t sleep naked, but you could feel your bare skin against your comforter and snuggled back into your blankets. You turned to your side, pulling the head of your phone charger out of the port and letting the cord fall to the ground. There was a single text. 

Chris: Just woke up. Coffee at Sam’s? 

Just woke up too. Sounds good. Just as you stopped typing, he started, and within a second he sent another text saying he’d be there to pick you up in half an hour. You pulled the covers off you only to realize that your legs were covered in little bruises and nibble marks from Chris. And then you realized the night before, but you didn’t freak out like you normally did. It felt good. You didn’t feel gross or dirty. You felt safe. Cared for. Satisfied. It was a change from the normal shame you felt after hooking up with someone. It was Chris, you realized. It was all him. 

You pulled on some sweats, knowing he would be wearing the same thing, and emerged from your apartment to see that his car was already out there. You smiled to yourself as you got in, seeing that he’d obviously slept well. 

“Well?” He asked. “How do you feel?”

“Like I just lost my god damn virginity,” you answered, only half joking. “Good. I feel really good.” He gave you a smile back, but it was a little hard to see underneath his famous Red Sox hat. 

“Good. I’m glad.” He drove over to the coffee shop the two of you frequented and you paid for your coffee and sat down where you could people-watch through the streets. 

“So last night was fine?” He asked. 

“Chris, that was the most... I’ve never done that with a guy before and come out feeling not dirty. I’ve also never fallen asleep like that.” He chuckled. 

“You deserved it. I wish I could've stayed, but the dog needed out. So would you want to do that again? Keep up this... thing?” 

“Yeah,” you answered with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. “If you’re okay with it, yeah. Maybe this time I can suck out your soul instead.”  “I wouldn't say I sucked out your soul,” he rolled his eyes. “There’s much more where that came from.” 

“Good. I want it.” You were only half joking there, too. “Friends with benefits?” He lifted up his coffee cup and you did yours, fake clinking them together like glasses.

“Friends with benefits,” he answered back. “What are you doing tomorrow after those courtroom scenes? We could go to that bar you’ve been wanting to check out.” 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” The two of you talked about more mundane things before finally parting ways with a see you later, princess. He drove you back to your apartment and watched you get in, then left probably to go hang out with his family like he usually did on the weekends. You shut the door to your apartment, sighing dreamily as you decided to lay in bed for most of the day and think about how Chris felt the night before. 

You wondered if you’d ever be able to get him out of your head, or if he’d live there rent free, like the image of him eating your pussy out spread across your bed. 

A/N: This is my first time writing any kind of smut whatsoever, so I hope I did it justice! If anyone wants it, I have a full series for this prepared for this. 

[nightswithkookmin]

Was Jk shading Taehyung during his New Years wishes to him at GDA? Twitter people are reading a LOT into it, saying that Jk is still salty at Tae and vice versa. They seem pretty chill to me. Why do people always find reasons to believe there is Vminkook drama?Is there a reason to think they aren't repairing their freindship?

VMINKOOK...

First of all, why would JK shade Taehyung? What are they fighting about, I wonder. Has anyone known JK to be the passive aggressive king slash shade throwing one in that trio? Because, not me...

I don't see him as the, 'those two are hanging out now followed by a slight head tilt,' kind of person. The 'Jimin wants to come but JK is keeping him from coming,' the 'well, you ignore me anyway so I couldn't tell you were on a mission' kind.

Or even the, 'my friendship relationships are gold to me and it's important for me to nurture those connections' knowing damn well the elephant in the room has a possessive streak and he himself has been on record, allegedly, stating he has one same age friend and all his friends are hyungs- so what is JK to you then Jimin?

Then the whole, 'texting is not a great way to build connections and is a barrier to effective communication' -words spewed in full cognizance of the fact JK is a bad texter yet prefers texting to talking on phone anyway- that is what I call shade. Not sure what was in the water that day, but chilee Jimin was all over the place in that Be Behind video. Lmho.

I think everyone, including even the semi-rational Tuktukker, know damn well what JK meant by that statement and what had prompted it- but leave it to them to circumvent.

Ah, V hyung... we used to have a special bond. When we were trainees, we had such great chemistry. V used to be the easiest hyung to talk to, now it's awkward.

Where is the shade in this? I don't think at all that he is or was in anyway shading Tae or any one. To shade would imply he has stock. He don't.

I hate when people talk about Tae Kook as if there is something wrong with their bond. There isn't. It is what it is. It's just not what their shoppers make it out to be. They are looking for depth where there is none. The fact of the matter is Tae Kook lacks depth to their dynamics. We know it, JK knows it, BigHit knows it. No amount of bullying Jimin or Jokers will add that missing depth back to their relationship. Sorry.

'He is still salty,' honey he was never salty about anything to begin with. They tried it! Making it sound like JK wants Tae to change in order to relate with him again. He don't.

Why would JK be salty about Tae's growth? Why would he object to Tae's growth?

Because that's what it is. This whole Tae Kook tensions is not about them fighting, it's about them growing apart. Tae grew the fuck up and JK can't relate with him or treat him the way he used to when they were young.

And if these self absorbed, legally blind shoppers looked beyond Tae Kook for a second, they will know it's not just JK complaining about Tae changing and becoming different as he grew up.

Tae used to be the easiest hyung to talk to and bully because they were closer in age and Tae allowed for such familiarity between them. Similar to how, Jin and Jimin allows for a certain degree of familiarity and informality between them and Jk.

While Tae allowed and was open to this level of closeness and informality between them, JK apparently held on to the gates, only scraping the surface of it and inhibiting the depth that could have been to their dynamics.

Was Tae content with that dynamic? No. Did he communicate that to JK? May be he did but JK wouldn't let his guards down. Tae failed to breach JK's emotional boundaries and years later he would express this sentiment openly to JK in their conversation in Soop.

Whereas, JK admitted to Jimin's successful breach of his emotional walls when he recounted the story of their rainy day fight- let me not hear any one compare Jikook to any of JK's ship in BTS, I whoop your ass. D!

This is the intimacy that is missing in Tae Kook. When you are close to someone, you not only feel at ease with them enough to express your thoughts freely with them, you are comfortable enough with them to be yourself, be different, to antagonize them without the fear that your differences and outbursts will sever your bond or lead to irreparable damage to your bond.

Fact is, in as much as JK felt close to Tae in the early days, he harbored a fear that being fully himself enough to be 'opinionated' and fully honest in his self expressions towards him, would break their bond.

He clearly didn't trust their bond was strong enough to handle all of that. That's the intimacy you find in Jikook. The trust. They are both unapologetically themselves with eachother because they trust in their bond.

Which means they share a lot but are also very opinionated with eachother, clash and assert themselves with eachother. And I know the kumbaya fake woke Jokers hate to hear it, but Jikook are strong not because they don't fight but because their bond withstands the test of a fight as Tae explained in his conversation with JK in Soop.

He was able to get closer with Jimin and Jin by being openly assertive with them- going against Jimin in the dumpling incident and all the times they fought, directly confrontational with Jin over their dance choreo but with JK he had always been scared to open himself in that way with him for whatever reason- I won't bother speculating on. It's their ship, they should do the maths.

May be he learned his lesson. He's learned not to fear conflict, to be assertive without fearing he would be punished for it, to be less passive aggressive as he was before and express himself and his feelings more openly over the years.

But it took him closing himself off to get there. Always looking in photos as if Yeontan ate the last brisket. Exuding melancholic vibes.

Young Jk equally didn't have a positive view on conflict and conflict resolution and I think he knew his place as the youngest and did not want to be as opinionated or assertive against them and so, as he explained to Tae in Soop, he opted to keep a safe distance emotionally from everyone- not just Tae.

When JK talks about we used to have a special bond, all he means is they used to be mischievous, get in trouble together, be brats, chat shit under their breaths behind their hyungs- partners in crime and as I like to call them, be the evil power duo of BTS.

They literally shared one brain cell lol, and conspired a lot. Their bond was unique only in that Tae was a rebel at heart and a bit innocent or immature as RM and the others would say.

Ship wise, Tae used to be on his side. He was protective of him and and looked out for him when they were young- that's of course before he started passive aggressively exposing JK's relationship with Jimin on VLives, incessantly shipping Jimin with Suga, dragging JK's ass away from JM's car so he could ride with him and all of those harmless moments that to anyone with little understanding of Tae's character would assume Tae didn't support JK's relationship.

And even after Soop, he put JK on the spot when he tried eye fucking Jimin through the view finder during their dynamite MV- he knew what JK was going to do. He's seen him do that a countless times to Jimin- HE KNOWS.

There is a reason JK gave him that look in the Dynamite shoot interview when he thought Tae was intentionally trying to expose him holding hands with Jimin behind Suga.

As much as these little things may be irritating to Kook, I don't think Tae gotta kiss his ass too. Jk can be messy sometimes with his Jikook agenda.

Of course they dynamic would change if Tae changed too- which is what Jimin and everyone says of Taehyung. He is very reserved and mature now. He is not the same childish, immature, reckless teen JK or Tuktukkers used to know.

He grew faster than either JK or JM had hoped and they both miss that part of him. Tae said he wished he could get a time machine and show Army the 'Chimchar' he was back in the day. The only way Taekook can be real is if we all hop into a time machine and go back in time to change the trajectory of events.

Tuktukkers need to let go of their old ship, that ship is dead and embrace the new ship brewing in its stead.

Jimin have said occasionally, that side of Tae pops out but he is very different from who he used to be when they were young. Which explains these outbursts of moments and interactions reminiscent of their past bond but that's all that is.

Why do these people insist on infantilizing Tae and holding him to his past?

That comment at GDA wasn't shade. But it was an inside Joke I feel. Like I said, when JK talks about their past history and bond, to me it's reference to a time period where Tae was on his side and was mischievous. To me it's code for 'I miss when you were less uptight and strict.'

He brought up when Tae gave them leeway and was lenient with their schedule during the making of Be- a sentiment all the members expressed in the Be behind video when they praised Tae for giving them much room in their schedules.

It was the same thing he said during his speech to Tae at GDA after bringing up the whole past bond thingy. He wanted to express appreciation to Tae perhaps because the loose schedule Tae had created had given him much time to go home and give his man a blowjob or go house shopping with him- who knows.

The way he kept looking at Jimin while saying that... yea. I'm going with that. Lol.

That loose schedule definitely put Tae in JK and JM's good graces.

My take away from that moment though, is- JK's agenda to give Tuktukkers hernia🤣

Lord I'm dying. I laughed so hard my ribs hurt. Pray for me. Lmho.

Chilee JK.

Dude is on a mission to run the entire Taekook gay, Taekook married propaganda campaign into the ground. What guts me is, he knows what Tae Kook is. I bet he went online after that Tae Kook Vlive to watch Tae Kook compilations. He's been on a mission to obliterate that ship since. Lol.

I mean I won't put it past him. Probably looked up Yoonmin while he was at it and showed Jimin analysis videos of him moaning in Suga's bedroom🤣🤣🤣🤣

Would explain why he was laughing when he saw Yoonmin in the comments during the VLive and why Jimin looked like he wanted to eat us alive. Lmho.

Oh Tae touched my peepee? You bloody moaned in Suga's bedroom how about we call it even?

ROTFL.

I joke but I mean, this is the same dude who took an online personality test after Tae read his results to him in Soop- he definitely watched those Tae Kook compilation-Y'all laugh else I'll shoot you. Lmho. I can't be the only one who finds this funny!

He knows what shipping is, he knows how statements like that would be construed by the fans- and the fact Jimin had spent an entire interview and behind scenes openly disavowing his glorified friendship connections... I smell a renewal of commitment somewhere.

Don't mind me. I play too much sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with Tae Kook's friendship. If anything, it seems JK feels very appreciative of Tae in recent times which is usually a good sign between them because for Vminkook to thrive they all need to make space for eachother and for the pairings amongst them to thrive- Vmin, Taekook and Jikook.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

[miraculouscontent]

(Shanghai-related asks)

.

Anonymous said:

Did you see how, supposedly, the reason Marinette goes to Shanghai is bc Adrien is there. Because you know, that's a totally normal thing to do.

You know, there’s this suspension of disbelief where characters are allowed to do certain things that you’re like, “okay that’s not realistic but it’s fun so I don’t mind.”

Yeah, this is not fun.

Anonymous said:

Based on the new trailer for the Shanghai special, one of my biggest fears is that we won't see Marinette interacting with Sabine's family outside of Uncle Wang, even Sabine is nowhere to be seen in the trailer, please ZAG at least give us one of Sabine's parents, we're starving

I’m still rolling my eyes that there’s not one piece of dialog with Sabine talking about stuff related to her family, though her cheongsam is also flipped so--

Anonymous said:

Synopsis for the Shanghai Special: To join Adrien in Shanghai, Marinette is going to visit her uncle Wang who is celebrating his anniversary. But, as soon as she arrives in China, her purse gets stolen with Tikki inside, whom she needs to secretly transform into Ladybug! Without money and alone in the immense city, Marinette accepts the help of a young and resourceful girl, Fei. The two girls will ally and discover the existence of a new magical jewel, the Prodigious. Hawk Moth, also also present in Shanghai, seeks to finding it since a long time... Yea, cause Marinette still hasn’t suffered enough :p

mAriNEtTe mAkeS a mIsTakE iN eVeRY sToRY

Anonymous said:

As someone of Chinese descent, I felt extremely bothered by how miniscule the boy's , the one on the right (?) taking a picture with Adrien, eyes were when I saw the Shanghai trailer. It feels extremely... stereotypical? Not sure if that's the right word. I mean, he could just be squinting, but it still bothers me. Especially if that's their normal eye shape.

I heard similar complaints when Kagami arrived. They really stress the eye shape when it comes to someone full-on Asian (and if you’re half-Asian then you get wholly round eyes which makes no sense). It also gets weird because I feel like we have characters in the show who could pass for Asian (Mireille at least has the proper eye shape without it being over-exaggerated; I don’t remember if her skin tone is correct or not), but when characters are actually Asian, it’s usually taken to the exaggeration.

My sympathy goes out to everyone of Chinese descent who’s going to have to deal with the special. I’m literally a mish-mash of whiteness (American, French, and German) but even I know it must suck.

Anonymous said:

im tempted to watch the Shanghi special with my family, we're part chinese and have been to shanghi a few times. Then we can laugh and yell at it together, no need for show context

omg

As long as you have fun! Give it a good roast for me!

Anonymous said:

Excuse my french (pun intended) but

WHAT EVER LOVING HELL HAPPEN TO THE SPECIAL!!

Marketing.

Also the writers wanting to make sure you don’t forget that Adrien is a guy who exists.

Anonymous said:

Hi, Clarity! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Shanghai special based on the information and trailers we have?

When I found out that Marinette was spending time with her great-uncle Wang, I was so excited. I was hoping that this special will be a breath of fresh air and spontaneously focus just on Marinette and her family for once. Maybe we'd explore Marinette's Chinese heritiage and learn more about her mother, Sabine and extended maternal family.

Then I saw Gabriel in which I eye-rolled 180* like any degree of character development. Like... great... more needless Miraculous lore/exposition. (Can we even call it exposition? I doubt any of the Miraculous-related events will be referenced within the show.) Whilst Miraculous lore is great and does expand our knowledge on the Miraculous, it steals any individual focus that Marinette could potentially have. It also tends to "hands everything" to Hawk Moth, who gets almost everything done his way without him even trying. Hmm, I guess as Shadow Moth, he won't have to use Mayura as his catslyst anymore. He'll have to ruffle his own feathers. (I don't know why I'm making a bird joke about Gabriel here. I hate him snd I couldn't care less about him.)

Also by reading the special's synopsis, it mentions that Adrien and Gabriel go to China for an unknown reason (maybe business related.) So Marinette decides to go to spend time with him (also spend time with Wang concurrently.) This might be a minor issue but I don't want Adrien to always be the centre focus of Marinette's motivations/desires. (He isn't always but I feel he is more than he should be.) Let our beautiful amazing girl just have an amazing time with her family in China. The writers need to stop Adrien being an integral part of Marinette's character. This special should be about Marinette (along with her family) and them solely.

Moreover, I'm worried that Marinette will imminently be embarassed/scolded/humiliated in some way. The synopsis mentions that she loses her bag (that contains Tikki.) Inevitably, she's going to be scolded for this for not being careful. The writers will blame her for the destruction that Hawk Moth will cause and not the actual man terrorising Shanghai himself. And no needless lovesquare drama please. If I'm not interested in it in Paris, don't think I'll be interested in it in Shanghai. And please do not let it be used to cause Mari/LB to suffer. Romance (no matter how contrived it is in this show) should be about finding joy and happiness. It should never intentionally be a burden for anybody, especially if it's for comedic purposes. Why am I worried that CN will yell at LB this time?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I hope that the writers actually have them communicate properly about this time. Like they should both be honest (an important aspect of healthy relationships), to build clarity and to avoid confusion. Like the needless drama in NY could have been avoided if Adrien didn't ignore Ladybug and actually TRUSTED her by telling her the truth about him going somewhere instead of complacently lying to her, then losing her trust. Both could have told each other that they are going to NY "for personal reasons" without giving too much detail. To prevent suspicion, the writers could have included the American superheroes hosting an event inviting them or asking for their help to defeat that Micromonster guy. LB and CN could have both then collectively made a decision that if anything were to go wrong in Paris, they could quickly use the Horse Miraculous to transport to France in time (like Marinette was advised to do in "Startrain") or use the Rabbit Miraculous to travel back in time/manipulate events. There was no need to make Marinette suffer for the sake of needless lovesquare drama.

However, I love the animation for the special. It is mesmerising and beauitful and the graphics look superb. The atmosphere looks so clean and the nature-aspects (Hawk Moth's hideout) are intricately detailed. The lighting also complements the charactrrs and the settings' colours. A huge round of applause to SAMG for their excellant hardwork for animating this special despite the pandemic!

If you have any worries about the special, free free to do so! I want to conclude my message by thanking you so much for being such a lovely, kind, confident and resilient person. You always confidently express your opinions and strcture your essays clearly and legibly. I always look forward to reading your posts. I know I can always count on you to express our frustrations with the show's writing on our behalf and speak up for Marinette's mistreatment and inustice! 😊

Firstly, thank you! I gotta defend Marinette because we know the show won’t!

Anyway, I agree with basically everything you said. My biggest comments on it are like--

- I’m already tired of places just being used as set pieces for specials. I actually have a history of disliking specials/movies for shows because its purposes is usually just to get people hyped up, but that means big plots with big stakes and I end up thinking, “okay, but why can’t we have that in the show?” That’s always the issue I take with it; movies/specials prove that they can come up with high stakes plots, but we can’t have equivalents in the show because...?

- I officially tune out now anytime Marinette’s crush on Adrien is mentioned. It gets tiring and it just makes me feel bad for her and simultaneously angry at the writers for treating her this way. Add that onto the “Marinette always makes mistakes” rule and it’s clear that they’re creatively bankrupt and needlessly restrict themselves for the sake of making Marinette suffer. I’m just insulted that Gabriel is going to Shanghai for his fashion business but Marinette being into fashion is ignored.

- The animation is nice but whenever I see it, I’m reminded that we couldn’t have much SAMG in Season 4+5 because they were busy working on the special. The show should always take priority over some lame special/movies. I won’t judge the special for it but I’m salty about it regardless.

[bookwyrminspiration]

It feels like i've gone too long without wings!au content....so, question time is in order!

My most pressing concern right now is whether or not Grady (and the other parents) will alert the Council about Sophie's wings.

I'm assuming they wouldn't, since they don't like the Council and might see telling them as a threat to Sophie's safety, but at the same time the Council has many ways of finding things out (having Emery read everyone's thoughts comes to mind) and if they suspected that anyone present left even a single detail of the meeting out, I feel like they would absolutely use whatever means to learn all that they can, since the situation must be...quite difficult to deal with.

And, if the Council does learn about the crews' wings (they will at some point, but if they learn now,) then what would they do? On one hand, they could claim that the crew are no longer elves and just...be done with all the bureaucracy problems that comes with rogue elves under the pretense that they just aren't anymore, but I feel like some Councillors would definitely oppose that (Oralie especially.) On the other, they might keep it a complete secret, which will definitely not work for long, although I can't really see any benefits to that.

Either way, this is gonna be a shitshow, and I am so here for it.

- Pyro

And just....Sophie....please check your messages....there could be. so much important stuff in there. sophie please-

how can it be too long when i have a set posting schedule and regularly release both chapters and sneak peaks at future chapters with the occasional drawing--what more do you want from me /j

also, that's an excellent concern to have! unfortunately for sophie, she hates clear communication and has absolutely no clue what's going on in underground elf land (that sounds like something Ro would say). It definitely wouldn't be a good thing if the council found out, but whose to say they'll all find out at the same time. or even if they ever will. their families only "found" them because they took their imparters and agreed to come back to a neutral location. if they hadn't, it'd be entirely possible they would've just vanished. and hey, whose to say they won't in the future!

part of it feels like sophie doesn't want to know what everyone else will say. she's intentionally avoiding finding out because she's afraid of their reactions. she's got her group, her people, and they're all in the same boat. they're "safe." as much as she's a leader and supposed to do the hard things, she's also just a person. there are things she doesn't want to do and things that hurt her. her title doesn't make those messages any easier to read, as much as we (I say we but really I mean you because I know what they say !!) want to see all the other characters. partially why we haven't seen some of the other characters as much, too. (i'm sorry wylie).

as for the situation underground...ten of the most well known, powerful, and influential elves straight up just vanishing? yea that's not gonna go over well. but also!! the council has very little power underground, so they're a lot more susceptible and vulnerable to the influence and needs of other species. i'll leave it at that for now, but political drama!!

I can't exactly say what everyone's reactions will be (that'd be a pretty significant spoiler) or who will find out after all this, as it would influence the plot from here on out. you may have noticed i'm talking about things that are...not really related to your ask, but hey! i'm still saying things! your insights are very interesting to read, though. definitely very thought provoking!

on one hand they could see it as "these weird not-elves are no longer elves and so aren't our responsibility anymore" or it could be seen as "these elves became corrupted while under our governing and so they are our failure and our responsibility to fix" (yea, good luck "fixing" them). and that's just some of the elven possibilities! maybe the other species will look at them and see them as monsters and something to be exterminated, cleared from the planet. not that they've had much success...literally anywhere. but. there are several intelligent species I haven't even touched on yet, so there's still plenty of time in this au to go back and cover that!!

Oh also!! Can confirm she will check her messages eventually. She’ll get to it. When? Good question! I know the answer to that question but you don’t get to know it, unfortunately. But that is something you can look forward to!

i think i got a little distracted but I love your thoughts and here's a quote for your troubles:

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Nineteen

The drive was quiet. Robyn watched Chris out the corner of her eye as he drove. He seemed normal but there was something nipping at her that there was something going on. 

“Is there something wrong? Am I growing a second head or something?” Chris asked.

“No. Why would you say that?”

“I feel you staring at me.”

“Sorry. I just zoned out for a minute.”

“Oh.”

They made it through the whole day without much issue. After stopping for dinner, Chris drove them home. Anesa had fallen asleep in the car so Chris carried her to her bed while Robyn settled Christian in for the night. As she stepped into their bedroom, she watched as Chris dug through his nightstand and pulled out a pill bottle. Taking two pills and taking a sip of water, he put the bottle back.

“There is something wrong with you.”

Chris turned at the sound of her voice, “what are you talking about?”

“You’re taking medication again.”

“And?”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“When was I supposed to? It’s not like we’ve had a conversation in the last few weeks. We agreed for me not to push, remember?”

“Chris, I think you’re taking this way more personal than you need to.”

“Considering how personal this is, that statement is a bit asinine, don’t you think?”

“What medication are you taking?”

“Something prescribed by my doctor.”

“Christopher.”

“My anti-depressants.”

“Are you depressed?”

“Trying not to be, rather get into my preventative methods now before it becomes an issue.”

“Am I making you depressed?”

“You can’t make me anything. You can trigger me but you can’t make me depressed so no.

“Am I triggering you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Anymore questions?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No but I don’t want you to stay if you’re miserable either. I can’t get a handle of how you feel or what exactly you want from me. If staying here isn’t making you happy, maybe we need to find another way to coexist.”

“I guess.”

“Is this why you were staring at me in the car? Did you sense something?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Wasn’t the time”

“And now, all you got for me is an ‘I guess’”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Chris.”

“I just want you to talk to me. Like we used to talk. I feel like I’m losing my mind and myself in this meanwhile you’ve completely checked out. I am way more invested in this being an actual relationship than you are and-”

“And how would you even know that?”

“Because that’s all I’ve been shown. By all means, show me where I’m wrong and I’ll gladly change my point of view.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I’m not being sarcastic. I get nothing from you. Not a good morning. Not a hello. The only time you pretend to like me is when our children are in the room. Any other time, complete silence. Ignoring me like I’m invisible. Like I’m not even here.”

“Because Chris, on the topics you want to talk about, I have nothing to say.”

“Because you don’t care?”

“Because I’m tired. I’m hurting. I am just trying to make it through the day. I’m still bleeding. I can’t stand longer than 20 minutes. I can’t walk more than 15 minutes. Every other day I feel like my damn lungs are gonna collapse and all you want to fucking talk about is this relationship. I don’t get a damn how do you feel today, Robyn? For once in this lifetime, can somebody be worried about my damn health? That baby damn near ripped me in half and somehow only you get to be depressed. I can’t even look at myself in the damn mirror and you’re only concerned about why I’m not looking at you. You so worried about being this perfect husband to make up for before but guess what, I don’t care about you being my perfect spouse, can you just be my fucking friend? Can I get a hug without it being anything more? Can you sit with me and just be there? Why does everything have to be so damn emotional and complicated with you?”

“Robyn. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s not like you really wanted,” Chris noticed her chest starting to heave, he rushed over to catch her before she fell. He carefully held her to his chest, “I need you to just take deep breaths for me, Sweetie.”

“Chr-”

“I don’t want you to talk. Just deep breaths. In and out. I don’t want you to raise your blood pressure and I need you to catch your breath. Just slow.”

Robyn’s breathing started to gradually return to normal. Chris rocked her gently, “there you go. Slow breaths. In and out.”

A few more minutes passed before Chris felt comfortable having Robyn sit up in his lap, “how long have you been having breathing problems?”

“Since I left the hospital.”

“Did you tell your doctor?”

“He knows. He prescribed me some medication.”

“Have you been taking it?”

“Whenever I can’t breathe, yes.”

“Where is it?”

“In the nightstand on my side of the bed. It’s an inhaler”

Chris scooted across the floor to get closer to the nightstand and reached into the top drawer until he felt an inhaler and handed it to her. Robyn shook the item then placed it to her mouth and pressed down on the trigger twice. Chris wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against him. He kissed her temple and rubbed her arm, “have you had any seizures or anything?”

“No, he put me on an anti-seizure medication too. Before you ask, I take it every morning.”

“We’ve really been disconnected these past few weeks, huh?”

“Not exactly by accident.”

“I can admit that.”

“Chris, what are we doing here? Nothing about this is working.”

“If I knew, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. This wasn’t how I imagined us being together again. Maybe I should've listened to you.”

“This isn’t an “I told you so” moment. Clearly, you saw something I didn’t and maybe we were both wrong but we’re here now, we gotta figure something out.”

Chris sighed as he continued to rub her arm, “I have an idea. It might sound crazy but it’s something.”

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chris, this feels so silly. I know you’re right down the hall,” Robyn remarked as she stared at the black screen of her laptop. 

“I know but clearly, we need to ease back into this communication thing because we definitely got off track somewhere.”

“And how is this supposed to work?”

“Part of the appeal of how we met again was us not seeing each other. All we got to react and respond to were our words, not our body movements or facial expressions. I think we should start there and ease our way back to normal.”

“Chris, I don’t know.”

“Let’s try it and if it doesn’t work we’ll go back to the drawing board.”

Robyn sighed, “I guess. So how are we doing this?”

“We’ll pick a topic to discuss. One topic and we’ll hash our issues out one at a time.”

“You picking or me?”

“You can pick.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were back on your antidepressants?”

“I didn’t think it was relevant or that you even cared. We weren’t talking and barely shared a room.”

“But that’s a completely separate issue from your health.”

“Sure but I could say the same thing about you and I actually took you to your doctor’s appointments.”

“You never asked. Literally not since the day I came home from the hospital have you made any inquiries about my health.”

“Robyn, I do everything that I can for you all the time.”

“You do what you THINK I need you to do, never once have you asked me. I need you to sit with me and give me a hug way more than I need you to get me a glass or water. I need you to walk around the block with me way more than I need you to pick out my clothes. I need your presence, not your labor.”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“I can admit that maybe I should’ve said something but trying to talk to you when you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong is really hard. And not that you were doing anything wrong but what you were doing wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t doing for me what you thought it was and that is so much harder to explain without sounding ungrateful.”

“I’ve never thought you were ungrateful.”

“You just thought I was being a bitch.”

“Well….yea.”

Robyn chuckled, “I’ve been struggling with this recovery and learning how to accept this new Mommy me and trying to do that while navigating your emotions has me short-circuiting. I checked out to save my sanity not to hurt you.”

“Hearing this, I can understand that and I sincerely apologize for not being that safe space for you like I promised to be. You were just moving around so comfortably, it never occurred to me that something was wrong and then when you started ignoring me or snapping at me, I just thought it had to be something I did.”

“All this time I’ve been telling you that everything is not about you.”

“Well you’ve been telling me that in the middle of a disagreement, kind of hard to take that at face value.”

Robyn laughed, “I can accept that.” 

“So now what exactly are we doing here?”

“This Mr. Brown was your idea, did we meet our first goal?”

“I think we’ve made a good start. You?”

“It is a bit easier not having to worry about whether my facial expression is going to offend you or not.”

“You do have a hell of a poker face, you must admit.”

“I do. Can I see my boyfriend now?”

“You would like my presence?”

“I would like it very much.”

“On my way.”

Within a few moments, Chris playfully plopped on the couch beside her and pulled her into his arms.

“I know I didn’t say it on the call but I am really sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologize because I understand what you did and why you did it. Me, of all people, should’ve seen the signs but I was so laser focused on the relationship, I wasn’t focused on you and that is ultimately my fault,” Chris replied.

“It’s not your job to be a psychic.”

“No but if I wanted you to notice what was going on with me, I should’ve been just as vigilant with you, right?”

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

Chris laughed, “our babies are asleep. It is still fairly early, what do you want to do?”

“Sit here with you.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Thank you for talking with me.”

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait a minute, all this shit was going on with you and you didn't tell us,” Melissa said with a frown.

“It wasn’t like that, honestly. There was so much going on with the kids and Chris, I really didn’t want to be bothered with anybody,” Robyn replied.

“Sis, with so much going on, that’s exactly when you need to be bothered with us. Just like before, you wait until things get horrible before you say anything. It’s not good for either of you.”

“You’re right.”

“Does Chris have any friends?”

“None that I’ve seen him hang out with. He’s literally been either here with me or at work since we’ve been back together.”

“He doesn’t go out on the weekends or nothing.”

“Not that I know of. Then again, I can only speak for when I started living with him, what he did before that I don’t know.”

“Well what do either of you do to relieve stress?”

“I watch TV or whatever. Usually he’ll work out when he’s finished with classes but other than that, nothing.”

“You don’t go anywhere?”

“I can’t go anywhere. It’s not like I can freely walk around, I have to take the damn wheelchair.”

“I was wondering why you still using it.”

“I cannot breathe half the time. I am on anti-seizure medication and I cannot stand for more than 15 minutes. Yes, I still need the wheelchair.”

“What did your doctor say?”

“It’s complications from the pregnancy, and the seizure I had after my c-section. My body just hasn’t recovered yet.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Tell me about it. The only time I really get outside is when I take my walks which is really just me pushing my wheelchair around the neighborhood until I can’t walk anymore, since I get tired so easily.”

“So what about after the kids are settled?”

“I go to sleep. I don’t know what Chris be doing.”

“Y’all are in the same room.”

“No. He sleeps in the guest room.”

“So y’all haven’t-” Melissa gave Robyn a look and she laughed.

“No Melissa, we haven’t had sex. We haven’t slept together since-  in over 4 months.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I’m not in the condition to be fucking.”

“Ok but no foreplay? No nothing?”

“Nothing. We just started actually being nice to each other like two days ago, fucking was pretty much off the table even if I was healthy enough to engage in it.”

“Y’all really have changed because back in the day, mad or not, y’all used to get it in. WIth other people in the same house too.”

Robyn laughed, “we were young, horny, and carefree. Wasn’t nothing that serious to not have sex over.”

“And why can’t it be like that now?”

“Experience changes things.”

“That’s true.”

“It’s hard to get aroused by someone you just wanted to choke five minutes ago.” Melissa laughed, “you are so right, Sis. Sometimes Juan drives me to drink. It’s just-ugh.”

“Men.”

“Tell me about it. So about this new method y’all are trying?”

“Chris made a point of how more open we were when we couldn’t see each other. He thought maybe we should do a voice only video chat so we could focus on our actual words and not the delivery. It was weird at first but it kind of worked.”

“That’s great. I am concerned about neither of you discussing your health issues. Y’all could’ve both been severely injured and neither would’ve never known.”

“We did agree that was a childish assumption we both made about each other. He wants to invite me to sit in on one of his therapy sessions.”

“Really? Are you gonna do it?”

“I don’t know. I kind of feel like I’m invading his safe space.”

“Or he wants you to be a part of his safe space. I think it’s sweet.”

“I guess. I’m gonna have to think about it. We’re still in a new space right now and I don’t want to rush anything.”

“That’s understandable. So what’s the plan?”

“We don’t really have one. We’ve been pretty much winging it from  day one, no need to stop now.”

Melissa laughed, “so he is moving back into the bedroom?”

“He says he is but we’ll see what happens tonight.”

“Y’all going back upstate today?”

“We were supposed to after he checked in with his bosses but that should’ve been over hours ago now that I think of it.”

“Maybe he wanted to give you time to hang out with your friends. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“That’s because you won’t make that 2 hour drive.”

“You say that like 2 hours isn’t long as hell.”

“It really isn’t. Just get Juan to drive you up then.”

“He hates driving, that’s why we live in the city. Public transportation.”

“Ugh, y’all suck.”

Melissa laughed, “so how’s my babies?”

“They are good. Anesa is growing overnight and Christian is just the cutest little chunk.”

“Aww…” Robyn handed Melissa her phone to look at some pictures, “they are just adorable. Nesa with all that hair.”

“Girl….I thank God Leandra taught me how to braid because her hair is too much.”

“Christian’s hair is gonna grow a lot too.”

“Hopefully he’ll want to cut it when he’s older especially if it grows like his father’s.”

“I think he should grow it out.”

“We’ll see. Mel, can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“You ever regret not having kids?”

“No. I don’t think parenting is for everybody. I love kids, don’t get me wrong but everything that comes with having children is just not for me.”

“Oh.”

“You know Lele’s thinking about having another one?”

“With Max?”

“With who else? I wish she would just marry that man and get it over with.”

“I thought they did get married in PR and just didn’t say anything about it.”

“Them two clowns didn’t go through with it. She got into it with his mother then her and Max got into it so it didn’t happen. Waste of my damn money.”

Robyn laughed, “well, you did get a vacation out of it.”

“That’s true.”

“What did they argue about?”

“His mother didn’t like the fact they were technically eloping, Max had the nerve to slightly agree with her and Lele let him have it. Told him to marry his mother if he wanted a traditional wedding so bad.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did.”

“That girl is wild.”

“Ch...they are all a mess.”

“I wonder if she’s already pregnant to be honest.”

“It would explain her wanting to have all three kids together all the time. Getting some practice, maybe.”

“Let’s ask her.”

Robyn called Leandra on FaceTime and waited as it rang. Within a few moments, her face came on the screen, “what’s up old bitches?”

“I know you aren’t cursing in front of my children,” Robyn said.

“Do you see them anywhere in the background? So, no.”

“Whatever. What you doing?”

“Taking a break while the kids are taking a nap. When y’all coming back from lunch?”

“In a little bit. Got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“You pregnant again?”

“Who told you?”

“Nobody. So you are and didn’t say anything?”

“I’m still in the first trimester. I always wait until the second to say anything. How’d you know?”

“It was just a wild guess since Mel said you were considering having another baby.”

“Yea, I figured I get the last one out the way while my eggs still worked.”

Robyn laughed, “you are so stupid. So how’s Daddy taking it?”

“Max is happy. He’s been talking about it since Maxwell turned one.”

“Well that’s good. So why didn’t you tell me you and him didn’t get married over vacation?”

“Because I was still mad his short neck Mama messed it up. He was perfectly fine with just us, two witnesses and the preacher until she came in spouting Spanish and getting on my nerves. “Oh, no one in our family elopes. You already had a baby out of wedlock, at least have a real wedding.” I was two seconds from cussing her out so I just cussed her son out instead.”

“Lord Le.”

“Look, me and her have stayed out of each other’s way the entire time me and Max have been together. That was not the day for her to decide to find a voice and start sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I guess.”

“So when’s your wedding?”

“I don’t remember saying I was having one.”

“You might as well, you already had a baby with the man.”

“I just started talking to him again this week, let’s not.”

“Y’all finally stop being childish, huh?”

“Whatever.”

“You were the one calling my house, thinking you were about to drive an hour and a half in the middle of the night to pick up your kids just so you didn’t have to talk to him. Childish is the correct term.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

“So you’re talking? Are y’all fucking yet?”

“I physically cannot have sex right now.”

“Your stuff still split open?”

“Leandra!”

“What? I had a baby, I remember those first few months.”

“I’m still bleeding. My lungs are trash and I can’t stand or walk for longer than 15 minutes.”

“Did the seizure do that?”

“Yea.”

“Oh I’m sorry Boo. I guess ever having another one is out of the question.”

“Oh of course. Once I’m stable, I am getting my tubes tied. I got my baby and I am good. He wants more then we’ll just adopt again.”

“That’s true.”

“Are y’all gonna get married at some point?”

“Probably in a few weeks. I don’t want to be all bloated and shit on my wedding day, even if it is us just standing in front of the judge. Our license is still good, we just gotta get the final part done and we’re married.”

“Me and my wheelchair will be there this time.”

“Good because it’s happening in NY. I am not wasting anymore money going out of town just for his Mama or somebody to ruin it. No go.”

Robyn laughed, “I hear that. Well Mel and I will be there in a little bit. Get some rest, Mommy to be.”

“I am. Luckily Christian sleeps so well.”

“He’s a good baby.”

“Yea. Well see y’all in a while.”

“Alright Le.”

Robyn hung up and turned to Melissa, “what else you wanna do before I gotta get the babies?”

“Let’s go in Nordstrom real quick.”

“Let’s do it.”

[zankivich]

The Assistant: Shawn Mendes x Personal Assistant: A One-shot

a/n: this is just me seeing if I could even still write for this man tbh. I’ve been getting very good at separating my emotions about the pr stunt, and I think that’s because I literally have blocked it from my social media in every way, shape, or form. Honestly when I wrote this I envisioned a black woman because that’s just where I’m at in life, but I never specified so....do with it what you will. K bye. 

WARNINGS: mutual pining, fluff, love.

“Stop it, jackass.”

“No Shawn, seriously. Stop!”

“Stop! We’re going to be late, and if I have to hear Andrew complain one more time about it, I’m kicking your ass, do you hear me?!”

Being the personal assistant to Shawn Mendes is basically the best job in the world. You got to travel all the time. You got to learn more about the music industry than your internship at a record label had ever taught you. And he just happened to be the sweetest, most wholesome person on the planet. Except for when he was getting on your goddamn nerves. This just happened to be his favorite past time.

You’d been his PA for four years and no one knew him better. You knew his coffee order, what size underwear he wore, and the brand of cough medicine he trusted most. You knew what made him scared in life, what one sigh meant from another when it came past his lips, and when he was hungry or tired or emotional. What you hadn’t been prepared for was for Shawn to learn these things about you. And what you should have prepared yourself for was the trouble that this would bring.

Shawn had spent the last twenty minutes playing with some nerf gun that Brian had bought. He thought it would be a wonderful idea to see if he could hit you with it from multiple points around his hotel room. Shawn was usually business all the time, and so you loved any opportunity for him to get to relax and be a twenty-one year old. He had taken advantage of this and was more excited for a nerf battle than the business meeting he needed to be at in forty-five minutes.

“You have goooooot to relax a little bit.” He sighed rolling his eyes and dropping the gun.

He made his way over to you and slid his oversized palms onto your shoulders. Screw him. He was so warm and tall and chiseled. Dumb. So dumb.

“I could relax a lot more if you just let me do my job.” You pouted.

He snorted softly and let his thumb touch your chin.

“Is this you pouting now? You’re gonna try and guilt trip me with a pout?”

“That depends....Is it working?”

He licked his lip and you honestly could have swung on him. There was no need for him to behavior is such a sensual matter. Damn him.

“I’ll get my shoes on.” He hummed in defeat. “Just don’t be sad.”

You smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

He paused for a second, his hands still poised on your shoulders. There’s a moment of silence where it’s just the two of you looking at each other. You up at the mammoth you called a boss, and him down at you with those honey brown eyes. You hated when he looked at you this way, like he might wanna try something, like he might actually care about you the way that you cared about him. All it did was cause you unnecessary hurt, and very vivid daydreams.

See there’s a running joke in the Shawn Mendes team. If you want Shawn to do anything, then you simply just call y/n. The two of you were closer than closer, and he seemed to trust you with his life. Eventually you had become friends. Close friends. And so it suddenly became less “go buy me a juice” and more “can I lay my head in your lap until my migraine passes”. When the road was cold and lonely and he had no one, it was you he cuddled up to. For Shawn it was the convenience of it. You were there and you could provide him with what he needed. But for you? God touching him was like lightning. And you hated every second where it wasn’t real, where it didn’t mean the same thing to him. More than anything you hated the way that you loved it, because it meant being in his orbit.

“Go get your shoes on. Please?” You whispered.

He nodded slowly and pulled away finally giving you a moment to breathe.

The ride to this meeting was a quiet one. You struggled with Shawn’s affectionate touches and the ridiculously soft glances. Every now and again it got to be too much, and you had to preserve yourself if you were going to stay afloat. Working for Shawn was a joy, but that didn’t stop it from hurting sometimes.

The car pulled up to the destination and Shawn went to open his door only to stop when you didn’t follow him.

“Aren’t you coming?” He asked.

You shook your head. “I’m gonna go pick up your suit for your party.”

“Oh...Well you’re still coming to the party right?”

“Of course. I’m on duty, Shawn.”

He frowned. “No you’re not. I invited you as a friend.”

“Yea well Andrew knows better than to let you go to an open party with alcohol without me, so...I’ll be there regardless.”

“Okay well...I’m sorry you have to put up with me for the night.” He mumbled closing the door.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headrest. Now you were both in a bad mood. Ugh.

***

New Year’s Eve was testing your patience. Here you were looking good as hell, ass all poised and waiting to be grabbed. What did you get instead? Nothing. Not a look, not a squeeze. You took another sip out of your vodka soda and went to stand up only to figure out that the previous two drinks before it, were a little stronger than you remembered. Shit.

“Woops! I’m sorry!” You gasped knocking into someone behind you.

“Sorry I--Oh, hey.”

You bit you lip and peered up at Shawn. The suit looked even better on him now then it did when he first stepped into it. And then there were his rosey cheeks and the heat of the room getting to his curls by the moment. He was absolutely stunning, and you couldn't believe you were about to enter another year of being practically suffocated by the weight of him.

“Hi.” You murmured reaching one of his arms to stabilize yourself. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been alright. It’s been kinda hard to have fun though. My best friend’s been MIA.”

You snorted. “Is that so?”

“Yep. She got mad at me earlier, and I’m not really quite sure why. Perhaps you could tell me. I hear men are pretty dumb.”

You let your body weight lean into him, and sighed happily when his hands fell to your waist. Usually you’d do anything to stay away from this kind of contact, but vodka is a hell of a thing.

“It’s fine. I’m over it.” You assured him.

His eyebrows scrunched together at your words. That sort of Canadian pout of his. It was extremely effective.

“See, but I don’t even understand why you do that. Sometimes it’s like you're pissed at me, and then maybe you decide to get over it all without ever telling me what I’ve done in the first place.”

“Look let’s just enjoy the night, huh? It’s New Year’s Eve. All your friends and family are here. Let’s not make it more complicated.”

“Fine. But only if you promise to stop sulking in a corner and come have fun with me.” He mumbled. “I’ve like missed you all day.”

It was moments like that that you just wanted to shake him and yell. How could he not see what he was putting you through? How was it not incredibly obvious how in love you were with him? But you could tell just by the look on his face that he was being as sincere as ever. Shawn was just too kind for his own good, and for yours apparently.

“Yea, okay. Let’s have fun.”

*two hours later*

You are drunk. And the only reason you know how drunk you are is because you’ve lost your ability to measure other people’s drunkness. As far as your ass is concerned, everyone is living their best life and no one is any drunker than one another. Dumb. You should have known Shawn was drunk off his ass the minute he started hugging strangers. But alas, if Andrew’s expectation was that you were meant to keep him out of trouble then...you just might be fired tomorrow.

“You smell amazing.” Shawn whispered in your ear as he threw himself onto your back, arms wrapping tightly around you. “Where have you been all my life?”

You giggled. “I’ve been here, kiddo. You know, controlling your day to day life, keeping you afloat?”

“Not like that. I mean...I mean like...where have you been ya know?” He mumbled taking a sip out of a champagne bottle.

Sober you would’ve gotten him straight to bed at this point. Drunk you was a little dumber.

“No I don’t!”

“You just...God you’re so beautiful ya know?” He huffed bringing your foreheads together. “It drives me crazy.”

“What? What did you say?”

“Y/n I--”

“Shawn!”

And just like that, one minute the boy you like is hovering over you with heart eyes and the next his friends are practically picking him up. Jon, Brian, and Connor descended like wolves, quickly rushing Shawn away from you.

“We’ll be right back!” Bryan called over his shoulder.

You were left to your own devices and the only thing you could think to do in your drunken state was...to go complain to Aalyiah about how dumb her brother was. You know, like a crazy person.

“Hey what’s wrong?” She asked softly, not nearly as drunk as you. It must have been the whole underage thing.

You shook your head. “Your brother is an idiot.”

“Oh I’m aware. But why in particular is he an idiot this time?”

“He just can’t communicate jackshit unless it’s in a song. Can’t tell anyone how he feels. Just likes to stick his dumb, big head everywhere with his dumb big eyes and his dumb smile. I’m sick of it, ya know?”

Aaliyah smiled softly at you and squeezed your shoulder.

“Oh you poor thing. You want me to talk to him?”

You eyes widened. “No. Oh no, ‘Lyiah, not at all. I was just blowing off steam.”

“Uh huh…”

“No seriously. Promise me you won’t say anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “But y/n--”

“No promise me!”

“Alright, alright, Jeez. I promise.” She groaned. “But for the record if this is how complicated adults liking each other is, I want no part in it.”

“‘Liking’? Who said anything about liking?”

“Oh y/n...Please.”

“I liked you better when you were younger and shyer.”

*meanwhile in the corner on the opposite side of the party*

“What the hell guys!” Shawn muttered still trying to peer over the heads of people to see y/n.

Jon clicked his fingers in front of his face. “Excuse me? You told us not to let you get carried away with y/n tonight, remember?”

“...No. not really. And I retract my statement, now if you’ll excuse me...Goddamit, guys!”

They weren’t budging. And Shawn was pretty sure he was thinking clearer than he had in years. Save for the bottle of champagne in his hand.

“Bro, stop being an idiot, you’re blowing my high here!” Brian yelled at him. “You don’t want to fuck things up with y/n remember? You don’t want to mix business with pleasure! These are your words.”

“But...But...she’s so pretty.” He whined closing his eyes in despair. “So pretty.”

Jon snorted. “Oh to be young and in love. What a travesty.”

“Look we’ve got ten minutes until the ball drops. Let’s get you a fresh bottle of champagne and try to relax, aye?”

Shawn couldn’t quite do anything but pout.

“Fine. Let me go dammit.”

And thus the two were separate as the party began to re-hype for the ball drop. Brian got Shawn a bottle of champagne, his friends surrounding him on all sides so that he didn’t make any mistakes. Y/n was left to chill back in her corner. Without Shawn to hang out with, and his friends--which used to be her friends--being assholes, it was a lost cause.

At some point you were just waiting for the night to end. You wanted to go back to your hotel and sleep and forget all about Shawn’s dumb face when he told you how beautiful you were. What a joke. This whole night was a joke. Usually Jon and you would’ve spent the whole night making fun of all the white people, Connor would have hung on your hip like he always tended to do. Even Brian was a cocky son of a bitch who let you give it right back to him. But Shawn didn’t want to be near you for some reason. Friends. Yea right.

It wasn’t until everyone begin counting that you realized you weren’t in the mood at all. The excitement. The joy. It just wasn’t there. So you decided to leave. Meanwhile, at the clock struck midnight, Shawn busted open a bottle of champagne to spray his friends with. It’d been a hell of a year and he knew he deserved to celebrate a little bit. So the hugs go all the way around and he squeezes them tight enough that he hopes they know how much he loves them. He’s drunk and he’s happy and when those two things happen there’s typically on one person he wants to share that with. But it only takes one look around the room to see you’re not there. And that’s the opposite of what he wanted.

“Hey! Hey! Have you seen y/n?” He asked Jon who had quickly discovered his girlfriend’s throat after the ball drop.

“No man. And you shouldn’t either.” He huffed.

But Shawn had no time for his friend’s bullshit. This was the woman of his dream they were talking about here.

Brian was practically tripping balls and extremely ineffective. Connor was sympathetic but hadn’t seen her. His next best guess was Aaliyah, who was looking a little wobbily like maybe she’s stolen a drink or two. (He was too drunk and too fixated on y/n to remember that he’d been the one to give them to her).

“Sis, have you seen y/n? I can’t find her anywhere!”

She rolled her eyes. “No! But she probably got tired of the games and went back to her room.”

“What games? What are you talking about?”

“She’s tired of you acting like you want her until it gets too serious and then backing away and pretending you’re just friends. It’s bullshit and it hurts and she probably got fed up. Let me guess tonight’s plan was to have the guys keep you away from her?”

Having a sixteen year old sister who’s smarter than you is truly terrible.

He stared at her dumbfounded. “I…”

“Yea, that’s what I thought. Look if you don’t want to be with her just leave her alone. She’s not some play toy, alright?”

“I’m not--that’s not even remotely what’s going on!” He muttered at her.

“Well that’s what it looks like! Women aren’t stupid and you’re not clever, dumbass. Stop messing with her. It’s driving her crazy.”

He rubbed his hands over his face thankful when the music finally cut down as people took the time to huge and squeeze their loved ones for the new year. His little sister had never been one to let him off the hook, and it was nice to know some things weren't going to change in 2020.

“I’m in love with her!” He bursted. “I’ve been in love with her since the moment I saw her, and I didn’t want to let her go, okay? She’s amazing at her job and she’s my best friend. And I need her in my life. So, I thought I’d rather have a part of her forever than ever face the possibility of losing her. She’s not some plaything alright...she’s--she’s everything.”

And just like that the anger on her face twisted to happiness and she quickly reached to pat him on the shoulder. Teenage girls were practically navy seals mixed with ninjas or some shit.

“See, now was that so hard?”

“Look don’t take this the wrong way but I think you might be a sociopath.”

Aaliyah rolled her eyes again and pointed over his shoulder. He turned to see y/n standing there with her jacket in hand looking about as shocked as he felt. Suddenly the room was much warmer than he remembered, and his hair felt sweaty against eh back of his next. The cat was out of the bag.

“H--How much of that did you hear?” He asked you, walking slowly in your direction.

You bit your lip. “I showed up around the ‘love’ part.”

“Oh...okay. Do you wanna--can we maybe go somewhere and talk?”

“I don’t know. I’m drunk. You’re drunk. I’d probably just go to sleep thinking I made the shit up.”

He shook his head. “That couldn’t be y/n. I meant it. Every word.”

“Yea? Then prove it.”

“Prove it? How?”

“I don’t know! I’m drunk, shit.” You whined.

He rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and stalked closer to you until you had to peer up in order to see him. His warmth was intoxicating, the smell of campagne still fresh on his lips. This is dangerous territory. There are witnesses. No room for him to go back when he changes his mind in the morning. His fingers cup your cheek.

“Shawn.” You warned jaw going slack in his grip.

“You drive me absolutely crazy, you know that?” He whispered, breath fanning your face.

“Yea, the feeling is mutual...Don’t play with me right now.”

“I’m not. I swear to you. We can figure the rest out tomorrow, but for now, I love you.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

There were tears in your eyes threatening to fall, and your body as lose as it was from the alcohol was still struggling to let go. You’d dreamt about these words long enough that reality has begun to blur. Who knows what’s real and what isn’t.

“I mean it.” He hummed so softly against your lips. “I mean it, I mean it, I mean it. I love you. Let me show you.”

Leave it to your New Year’s kiss to come fifteen minutes late. But there’s not a care in the world when his lips are on yours. Your toes dig into the carpet as you lean up to kiss him something soft and chaste turning more dominant by the second. If this was a dream, let them never wake you up. Because it felt so real. So right. So soft.

“Happy New Year sweetheart.” He whispered against your ear.

And a happy new year it was.

The End.

Taglist: 

@liliane106 @wokeupinjapanisabop @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @september-lace @disaster-rose @dimestorebieber22 @sinplisticshawn@MixerMani  @justbeingoceana @qcoachcartier @simpledomain @kamahriii @lifeoftheparty74 @valedictorian65

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[gundamgamer]

The Last of Us Part II: "There Was This Sequel... Wasn't As Good."

After seven years of what felt like forever, The Last of Us Part II has finally arrived on PS4. And…well, after the leaks were released in late April of this year, it has left the fanbase, and the Gaming Community polarizing, to say the least. Some cancelled their pre-orders, others gave the game the benefit of the doubt, and see for themselves, and then there were those who had no choice because they were getting paid to play and review the game…Only to have mixed feelings of the story. But what do I personally think of the game, overall? Well, after playing through it for a week, and processing the entirety of the main story, I don’t think it’s “the WORST thing ever”…But it’s definitely not masterpiece worthy. Let’s begin with the simple, NON-SPOILER aspects of the game:

 GAMEPLAY:

At first, I thought there was a lot of changes made with the gameplay, since the first game. I wouldn’t say the Combat Mechanics, in TLOU1 were perfect by any means. But, for a 2013 game, they were pretty solid. Though there are times where things can get glitchy and finicky, the controls felt fine…In THIS entry, however, it just feels the same. There’s little to no changes with the controls and, at times, they felt stiff to the point where I would freeze in the middle of picking items up or performing a “T pose” while getting shot at by nearby enemies (Yes, this actually happened to me during my playthrough). Granted, I do like that they gave players the Aim Assist feature, seen in the Uncharted games, which can SOMETIMES make combat a little easier, but that’s not saying much when you’re trying to aim at enemies that have the advantage. And I do feel like the jumping action was pointless, since all you had to do was run off an edge and hope to God you made it to the other side of wherever you were jumping to. Since most of the actions require you to press the Triangle (△) button, this action felt needless. The weaponry has somewhat improved, since the last game, with some familiar returns (such as the Flamethrower and Shotgun) and newer weapons (Semi-Auto Rifle, Hunting Pistol and Crossbow), the variety, on how you choose to kill your enemies, is literally at your fingertips. Finally, there’s a neat guitar mechanic where you use the pad on your DUALSHOCK 4 controller to strum the chords and play tunes on a guitar. A small but neat feature. GAMEPLAY: 3.5

 VISUALS & MUSIC:

There’s no doubt the Visuals have vastly improved since the first game; from the far horizons of Jackson to the deep overgrown forests in the Seattle area, the environments and locations look phenomenal…For the most part. Some areas, however, look so bland that they all look the same just for the purpose of Gameplay. Now, I know that sounds absurd, but hear me out: Using the same environment, for the purpose of Gameplay Mechanics is FINE. However, you need to use a different variety of location designs and settings. Otherwise, the gameplay will feel repetitive at best, and lazy at worst. But I digress. Overall, the Visuals are gorgeous to look at, especially in different season settings. Of course, it wouldn’t be a Last of Us game without the Music. Composer Gustavo Santaolalla returns to give the game life with his score, which (and I know it’s gonna sound crazy) isn’t as memorable as the first game, but is still remarkable to say the least. I also do like that they made him a character, in the game.

VISUALS: 4

MUSIC: 4

AND NOW, WE COME TO THE MEAT OF THIS REVIEW: THE SPOILERS! SO, IF YOU HAVE YET TO PLAY THE GAME, I SUGGEST YOU STOP READING, FROM HERE ON OUT…YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

I’d also like to point out that NO, I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with LGBT+ representation in any form of media (Gaming, TV, Film etc), as there is a character, Lev, who’s LGBT+, and that is FINE. But…it’s the story that needs to get a beating in all of this. Let’s begin:

 So, let’s talk about the Story, because I have a feeling that a good number of us will agree with me when I say…IT’S ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT!! …I really have no idea where to begin.

This game’s writing is all over the place, and it’s backwards at best and atrocious at worst. Everything from feeling sympathy for the main antagonist, Abby; because it’s revealed that Joel murdered her dad while he was about to operate on Ellie at the climax of the first game (as if we were suppose to know that), to PLAYING AS ABBY FOR A GOOD TEN PLUS HOURS, A CHARACTER THAT HAD SHITTY DEVELOPMENT TO THE POINT THAT NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HER OR ANYONE ELSE AROUND HER! Not to mention that, between Ellie and Abby, you play through flashbacks in flashbacks. This is not creative writing, this is fan fiction bullshit, and it fails FAST. Seriously, I wanted Abby’s playthrough to be done because I did not give a shit about her and wanted to go back to playing as Ellie. Can’t also forget how little to no point these characters serve in the story, from Abby’s side or Ellie’s, they all range from forgettable to needless, in the end. Aside from Dina and her ex-boyfriend, Jesse (yea, he’s pretty forgettable too, but at least he gets shot later on, by Abby), these characters serve little to no purpose to the story besides Story Progression that COULD’VE been done better. But nothing, AND I DO MEAN NOTHING, can compare to the atrocity that is the ending of this game:

Ellie finds out where Abby is heading, months after the what happened in Seattle. I’ll also mention that, for a bit you’re playing as Abby again, however it’s…somewhat forgivable as it’s only for a short period of time. Afterwards, you’re playing as Ellie throughout the Climax of the game. You come across a group of Rattlers who hunt down and take prisoner to lost travelers, when you [as Ellie] learn where Abby is kept prisoner. Once you find her, and her friend Lev (who TL;DR, identifies as a boy, but was born a girl, and his mother wanted to marry a guy but he refused so her mother went nuts and he killed her…yay?), she follows them to some nearby boats. But Ellie isn’t done with Abby yet. As the two fight it out, Ellie finally has her in the water and makes her drown. But then, for a LITERAL SECOND, she has a flashback of Joel sitting on his porch with his guitar…and feels guilt…So much so, that she lets Abby, the one person who she; wanted revenge on, set out on a mission that killed multiple people, even someone who nobody really gave a shit about (Jesse), risks just about everything to get to this point…And for what? A moral epiphany…Oh god…Ellie then returns home for Dina and their child JJ, only to find that they’re not home. She learns that they both left Ellie, for Dina could not take the chance of losing her. And so, with her ring and pinky finger, on her left hand, bitten off by Abby, she tries to play guitar and has yet another flashback with Joel. This seems to be the last time they encounter each other before he gets axed. It, for the most part, is a nice little moment between the two, as they discuss some issues that need to be resolved. But mostly that Ellie wants to forgive Joel because he lied to her about what happened in the hospital. Afterwards, she sets out on what could be an unforeseeable future…

As you can see, the story isn’t necessarily the greatest…In fact, it doesn’t even come close to the first game’s story (which by the way, won Best Storytelling and GAME OF THE YEAR. Yea, let that sink in). The reason why the first game was so successful is because it focused on the development and bond between Joel and Ellie. How they grew as characters and learned to endure and survive in a chaotic, post-apocalyptic world setting. And we, the fans, WANTED to see that again in this game. But instead, got bamboozled by false advertising. Oh yea, that scene in the trailer where Joel pulls Ellie back and asks “You think I’d let you do this on your own?” NEVER. FUCKING. HAPPENS!! Instead, it’s Jesse in that position. Seriously? WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT THIS GUY?! NOBODY, THAT’S WHO!! We don’t care about any of these characters. We just wanna see the ones we cared about grow and learn more from each other. We actually wanted to see if anything changed from these two, over the years. The closest we get to ANY of that, in this game, are the flashbacks with them; from the museum setting (which makes some not-so-subtle nods to Jurassic Park and its sequel, The Lost World: Jurassic Park), to the only good scene in this ENTIRE game, in my opinion: Ellie heading out to the hospital, from the first game, finding out Joel lied but having Joel confess and tell the truth…That was such a powerful scene, and the acting from both Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson was superb. It shows the emotion between the two, from guilt to betrayal, how both Ellie and Joel lost so many people within their lives, only to go their separate ways after a crucial and impactful reveal…But none of that matters to Neil Druckmann and the crew at Naughty Dog. They just wanted to push ideas that nobody really cares about, especially for a game that’s set in a post-apocalyptic setting. We play games to escape reality and venture into worlds that could NEVER be real for the sake of entertainment and fantastic storytelling. These types of media are slowly fading away, and being replaced by writers who really don’t even give little to no shit about constructive writing, internal consistency, and above all else, THE FANS!! (even if they claim to do so…Looking at YOU, Rian Johnson)

In the midst of it all, the reason I didn’t cancel my pre-order was that I was one of the few that gave this game the benefit of the doubt. Despite only vaguely knowing what those leaks had and how they could’ve affected me, I still played it through beginning to end…Only to be disappointed by an entry I – and MILLIONS more -- had waited seven years for, only for Druckmann to say “You see this? THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS MY STORY!! AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, YOU’RE A BIGOT!!”…However, to be fair, I’ll say this: don’t take my word for it. Maybe there CAN be something to your liking, in this game. Maybe there’s a little something for everyone…just don’t expect me to play through – scratch that – suffer through this mediocre attempt of a sequel ever again. There are ways this game COULD’VE been as fantastic – if not, MORE – than its predecessor. I might have to do that in another essay, sometime. Til then, this the last of my playthrough of this gigantic disappointment.

STORY: 1.5

CHARACTERS: 2.5

THE LAST OF US PART II: 3.5/10

[lonbergwrites]

The Gross, The Bad, and The Unforgivable

A review of Undercover Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

 Let me start off by saying that this book has an instance of what clearly seems like sexual assault, wrapped up in a gloss of romance. Skip down to the “The Unforgivable” section for that information.

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Normally, I don’t rate and review any books that I read for fear of poisoning the memory well. Normally, I wouldn’t rate and review a romance novel in particular, because it isn’t a genre with which I have much experience, nor is it one I have much love for. But the title and the fact that it showed up on a list of good romance novels for men from a source I trust made me pick it up in the first place. I’ve been trying to get deeper into the Writing Community online, and so many writers there are romance authors – and romance is such a popular genre generally – that I wanted to familiarize myself with the genre as I work on my own writing...

I’m making an exception to rating and reviewing this book because there were some truly, deeply problematic things going on here, on top of the bad/schlocky writing, and the gross descriptions so prevalent in my mind’s limited knowledge of what’s bad in the romance genre. So, in the following review I’m going to justify my one star rating of this book by describing The Gross [broadly, the terribly stomach-turning descriptions, characters, and plot points in this book], The Bad [the technical problems – especially in the plot], and The Unforgivable [the glossed-over sexual assault].

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The Gross:

I’m going to jump right in on the most obvious issue I have with (my own idea of) romance novels: the sex scenes. But this isn’t going to be what you think it is; I am not a prude. Nothing turns my stomach faster than euphemistic language about body parts. “Her sex” is bad enough. This book also talked about running his fingers along “her slit.” But the description that almost made me hurl was “her pink bits.” Nope. Vomit. Say vulva. There is nothing gross about that word. A good sex scene is hard to write, and you don’t need to go full-on erotica (though honestly, I think hardcore erotica is far more enjoyable to read, more real, and sexier than the euphemistic stuff), but why have a very descriptive scene only to censor over the words everybody is paying their good money to read? Pick a lane. Give me actual adult sexual content, or have everything fade to black. Please?

I looked at a bunch of the reviews of this book, astounded as I was that it was so highly rated. Where language was used as a fault, the line “my vagina senses are tingling” was often cited. Cited as gross and crass. Sorry, this was a line I found truly funny and endearing, used as it was by a female character who was grossed out by the villain of the story, a serial sexual predator. To me, it was a great Spiderman reference, and an honest thing for a woman to say. I’ve heard such comments from female friends before. Seeing this comment from the romance reading community really saddens me, because not liking an honest use of body parts, but championing “pink parts” is only fueling the female body shaming that is so prevalent in our society.

“Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a happy ever after to start” is the line that ends the bulk of the novel, before the epilogue. Once you’ve scraped the vomit out of your mouth, there’s also the ending of the epilogue, where after the main character “proposes” off-handedly on the couch, they have sex, and then he asks her if that was a yes, and she confirms it, the narration says, “after she said yes he did things that made her say it a whole bunch of times naked.” Then they fist-bumped. End of novel. Yeah… Did I mention they’d only known each other for a little more than six months at this point? Yea, I think that’s kind of fast…

But romance novels are stereotypically bad in this department according to me, who knows little to nothing about them. What other gross stuff happened in this book? Let’s start with the male lead, Mack, who winks at everything in a skirt. There are paragraphs where he literally winks at the woman he’s talking to three times within said paragraph. She’s always super charmed. This is supposed to be endearing behavior. Then there are a whole chapter where the sex the characters are having is compared to the national anthem – wanting to sing it, wanting to wave a flag, saluting this with that appendage. Barf barf barf.

I could go on, but this book isn’t for me, really. I’ll just close with a line I really did like from the book: “Smells like a camel exhibit in here.” This line is said by the bros when they come in to rescue Mack from his depression on losing the girl, and they find him in squalor. This book could broadly be described as smelling like a camel exhibit.

 The Bad:

The biggest plot error I found in this book happened near the end. A group of the team is running to meet the “inside guy” who will distribute the dossier on the villain to the press as they march in to his book launch. They get there to find their inside guy knocked out, and another security guy holding the dossiers they were literally carrying to the meeting (he knocked him out to take them away, even though he didn’t know what was in them – not to mention that they weren’t actually there in the first place). Terrible editing!

There are other things – characters switching their mind on something deeply held from paragraph to paragraph, a convoluted plan to expose the sexual predator at his own event, and thinking that’s the only way to take the guy down, when in real life a reporter will take information at any time, not just when tricked into it. But it is the real lack of understanding of the human character that really bugged me.

The secret that Mack is carrying with him is that his father was abusive and murdered somebody, and is in jail. Mack changed his name out of embarrassment, and lies and tells people his father is dead. He is made into the villain towards the end of the book, because he “lied” to Liv, his love interest, about this. They had known each other for some time longer than a week and shorter than a month. They were not dating (she was adamant about that), and had slept together just twice. But he was a liar now, because he had a “secret identity” and lied about his father. People just accepted that that was a terrible thing to do. No! If that’s your past, it is yours, and you don’t owe that information to anybody that early in a relationship. Sure, you need to own up to it before you talk marriage, but not before you’ve started dating. This doesn’t have anything to do with his character, but his father’s. Shaming him for “not being honest” and having him have to come to terms with it, and be open about it publically, is just *not* something that he has to do. Weird morality here. I know it was stretched to add drama, but I think it does a disservice to his great trauma in life.

I don’t believe a group of people should take matters into their own hands to investigate a person on sexual harassment on behalf of other women. I don’t think they need to use their friend’s van (literally an FBI-style surveillance van that nobody seems to think it is weird that a friend just has – a van that never plays an important role except that it doesn’t drive fast). I also don’t think a former cop is going to play along in a game of entrapment with a bunch of youngsters out for the thrill of taking down a celebrity chef. I especially don’t think people are going to trust the “inside guy” who is the security guard for the big bad. There is absolutely nothing that any characters do (aside from taping the bad guy) that moves the plot forward. It is all them falling into luck or information that others provide. Everything happens to them. This is just not the makings of a well-written book.

The characters were also so bland and uniform, with the exception of “The Russian” who was all caricature and comic relief, and whose lactose intolerance goes into play when they almost got caught because of the smell of his fart while they were hiding. Hilarious? No. So juvenile. And also, it was from vegan cheese, which the author says “is still cheese” and thus causes him the same problem as cheese. Speaking as a chef, that’s not how lactose intolerance works.

And, can I quickly gripe about the fact that the tech whiz who can break into a computer in 2 minutes, take out the contents of said computer in 30 seconds, breaks down all the banking info in an hour to tie the sexual predator to dozens of victims financially, also says he will be unable to edit a video (literally cut it off at all), in the hour they have during a drive, so by showing the big bad to be the big bad, they will also expose Mack’s terrible history and show him too to be a liar? Remember, this is literally exposing that his dad was a bad guy… again, not seeing the problem for Mack (as if that would kill his reputation)… but also: press stop on the tape? In an hour I, a complete novice, could learn to edit video enough to be able to stop a video when I wanted it to stop. The drama was unnecessary, and the mechanism to achieve it is so utterly stupid.

I also don’t love the fact that it takes a group of men to save women who were the victims of sexual assault. I also don’t love the message that women have to be a certain way when it comes to coming forward (even though they try to say otherwise, it was very moralistic against anybody being quiet). I very much don’t love the fact that they called the sexual predator – who honestly had unwanted, forced sexual relations with many women – a mere “sexual harasser.”

 The Unforgiveable:

Let’s talk about consent. The second time the main characters have sex, Liv expressly says ‘hey, I haven’t given you consent to have sex again.’ He then says that fingering her isn’t sex. Then proceeds to finger her. Then grabs her, carries her to a bed insider her own house, and then has sex with her. Without actually obtaining consent. This isn’t even an instance of tacit consent, because both parties are acting in a certain way and advancing the same act. She literally denied him consent by saying he didn’t have it, and that was never cleared up. Even if she never said no again, that’s pretty terrible for him to just assume.

Also: this happened immediately after he just shows up at her house. They had had sex once. She said she’d call after 3 days. He comes over after two, not calling specifically because he said that she’d have probably said no to his coming over. It was dark, she thought he was an intruder. She hit him with a shoe. She has to apologize to him for hitting him, and clean him up. Hey. In my mind, this dude is a psycho at this point. If you don’t buy into the 3 days before a call, fine. But then you pick up the phone. Don’t just show up at a near-stranger’s house. Don’t do it at night. Don’t sneak up the stairs. And don’t get mad when she’d mad because you acted like a psycho. And then most certainly, listen to her when she says that you don’t have consent to have sex with her again, and go on fingering her immediately thereafter.

 This book is bad on a lot of levels, but the sexual assault scene tarted up to look romantic just made me seethe inside, especially because this whole book attempted to be a “bros don’t let bros sexually assault women” morality tale.

Rating: 1 very dim star of 5