#but you have to accept that other people will participate in some way in your life

[cables-and-wires]

idk if its controversial to say but i think some of you need to learn to be more comfortable being around other people who you may not fully get along with and agree with. not like political stuff or people who will cause you active harm but. not everyone has to be exactly like you or else they're non-existent in your eyes. you're not being forced to befriend everyone and agree with everyone around you but learning to be able to accept and share a space with people is important. it's unrealistic to expect to never interact with certain people simply because you don't want to and it's easier to accept and tolerate that (you don't have to like it) than to push people away tbh. this isn't about political views or harmful people at all this is just about being able to foster a community of people. not everyone has to be a friend or be exactly like you and it's discriminatory to assert otherwise.

[lastoneout]

Used to work at a theater and one of my jobs was going in to the auditoriums and forcing dipshits to get off their phones and/or kick them out if they wont and lemme tell ya, I could always figure out exactly who was on their phone IMMEDIATELY because it's that bright. Big fucking spotlight on your face telling me who I needed to go threaten.

Also you will eventually get kicked out if you do this and refuse to stop. We are under no obligation to make space for you, and if it's a choice between kicking one or two guests out and having a whole theater full of pissed off people who want refunds we are going to pick kicking you out. If you legit cannot sit through a 2 hour film without getting on your phone I won't judge you, I get it I have ADHD, but you need to find a different way to watch movies that allows for your fidgeting without compromising the enjoyment of a hundred other people. This is not a difficult concept. Sometimes you just can't do things. It sucks, but it's just how life works.

ppl are rlly trying to defend being on your phone during a movie in the theater what is going on

[a-soft-fluffy-girl]

TL;DR: Steam just made library sharing so much fucking easier and so much fucking better. Instead of login-trading, it's just a simple goddamn invite.

Read this. Really. It's a good read. Because it shows that, full-stop, Valve isn't just doubling down on their stance to make sure that people can and should be able to share their copies of digital goods as easily as they can physical ones, but they're making it better and easier than ever.

But you know how Steam allowed you to, with either friends or family, link accounts with another person to be able to establish an ability to share game libraries with one another? The general gist of Steam Family Sharing was that, with a limit of five people plus you (six in total) on a limit of ten computers total could share account access to willingly mix your libraries. You could play theirs. They could play yours.

This was a huge boon. It was meant to emulate sharing a physical copy of a game. A way to allow children to play games their parents or siblings had bought without having to fork over double the cash to buy it a second game. But it had some major limitations and drawbacks, and was archaic to use.

If a person did not share the same computer, you had to manually log into that computer to give it and the accounts on it access. This wouldn't be a problem if both accounts were used on the same computer, but many households (and astronomically more family and friend groups) had multiple computers, all used by different people.

If that computer, at any point, was hard reset to any point before the sharing occurred, you lost access. And had to do the whole process again. This was also an issue with computer transfers. The whole kit and kaboodle needed to be redone on upgrades. On top of that, the old computer is now just dead weight that you may not realize you have to manually revoke access to.

Putting your account information on another person's computer opens up security issues. They could, intentionally or accidentally, land themselves on your account if the login information was stored. Which could easily lead to purchases or bans you did not want to happen.

If anyone was, at any point, playing any game on their own library, you had no access to their games. Even if it was a totally different game, you had to wait your turn as if waiting for their computer to be freed up to sit at. (Admittedly this is kind of like the "mom said it's my turn on the xbox" meme, but hey, kinda archaic.)

You could not choose whose library you accessed a game from. Not at all. It always prioritized the first library it gained access from, DLC access and multiplayer be damned. If another friend you were accepting games from had more DLC? Too bad.

And yet here we are. Steam Families Beta fixes EVERYTHING about the above issues. By just going through Settings > Interface > client Beta Participation and clicking onto Steam Families Beta? You get:

No more login sharing. No more computer links. You can now choose which person's library you borrowed from. And you can play any other game from someone's library, even while they're in-game. It just needs to be a different game than what they're playing.

Pick five people. Invite them to your family. And now everyone has access to everyone's library. My goddamn library went from 150-ish to almost a goddamn thousand in ten minutes of setup.

Account sharing and password sharing are dirty words that "lose" billions of dollars. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Max. They aren't game storefronts, but they still allow you to access massive libraries and scream like you murdered their firstborns for daring to share your password with your mother after you moved out.

Microsoft tried pushing to demonize and undercut used games sales and borrowed copies of physical games. Remember the first attempt to reveal the Xbox One? People forget, but these vultures tried to make an always online console that checked to see if you were the account that owned the game, even if you had a physical disc, and prevent access to the disc's contents if you weren't the original downloader.

Valve walked the fuck up. Valve tapped the mic. And Valve dropped the fucking thing right onto the ground with one feature's revamp.

About the only issues I can see with this are twofold:

If someone sharing your library gets banned from a game's servers... so do you. No one else in the family does, but the both of you do. This is... rather unpleasant, because banhammers can be dropped quite frequently by mistake. I'd urge Valve to rethink this one, but I see the logic: don't cheat and effectively bite the hand feeding you. Still making me side-eye that, though.

If you leave a family you've joined? You have to wait a YEAR to join a new one. It's to prevent people form jumping ship to another group and screwing over who's in the former one in the process, but a YEAR? OUCH.

Problems aside, though... it's probably the biggest fucking power move I have ever seen a media distributor make in the current economic climate. It's the kind of thing that would let so many new games be available in a way that's easier than ever. Just a few clicks to send or accept an invite, and bam. Permanent access to dozens or even hundreds of new games with so much more freedom than earlier drafts of the system.

It's the kind of thing that slaps you in the face with positivity after so many Ls from the games and media industries. And I'm all the fuck for a W like this.

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

-

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

[scribefindegil]

When you encounter a person who does not do something that you consider normative, you need to understand that they could be either stating a barrier or expressing a boundary. A barrier is "I would like to partake of the normative activity, but I can't due to other factors." A boundary is "I have made a decision not to participate in the normative activity."

Many people do not believe that boundaries actually exist! This is why it's so common to give a clear "No" on an issue and get inundated with people saying "But have you tried-" They can't conceptualize that anyone might actually want to avoid X thing, so they assume that you totally want to do X and you would love X so much if only they could figure out a way around whatever pesky obstacle is getting in your way. But humanity contains multitudes, and for any given experience you consider vital for happiness I promise there are people who are Just Not Interested.

If someone is stating a boundary, do NOT talk about how sad their life must be, and do NOT try to push them! Just accept that their life experience is very different from your own, and isn't that a beautiful thing?

Barriers are different. Barriers suck. With boundaries, the only problem is other people being dicks. With barriers, the problem is the barrier itself . . . and probably, additionally, people being dicks. There's really not a way to win in the people being dicks department when you don't do something that other people have decided is Necessary For Humaning.

If someone is talking about a barrier they face, still don't talk about how sad their life must be, although it's fine to commiserate with a friend if they're complaining. It's hard! Some barriers are pretty insurmountable; the person might not ever get to do X even though they want to. And a lot of people don't believe that this kind of barrier exists either; we're very much taught that you can do anything if you try hard enough, when that is simply not true. If someone tells you that they can't do something, listen to them and respect that.

The only reason for not doing X that people really acknowledge as real are the surmountable barriers. And these are real, but even in these cases you should always assume that the person knows themself best and not give advice unless they've specifically asked for it. But if they have asked, it's chill to try to brainstorm solutions with them.

As someone who has both things going on, it really sucks that people tend to assume that everything is a) a barrier issue and b) that they personally have the solution to it. Don't do this.

The only way you can tell if something is a boundary or a barrier is to listen to people and believe them.

Example:

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "No thanks . . . I haven't really found anything that I like yet," (barrier, potentially surmountable) it is probably cool to ask them if they're open to trying something new, and if they say yes ask about their tastes to try to find a drink they would enjoy! They might like it or they might not.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I can't, it interacts with my meds," (barrier, insurmountable) you can say, "Aw, that sucks!" and offer them something nonalcoholic.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I don't drink," (BOUNDARY) you should give them a mocktail and shut the fuck up.

[fr0slass]

when muu's mv gets released if i see anyone demonize her and try to act like haruka and fuuta are babies who did nothing wrong i will actually just smite you on the spot

rant in the tags ig.

[supercutszns]

bitter to the taste; luke castellan

series masterlist

wc + pairing: 5.5k, luke castellan x f!reader

synopsis: a sharp blade, a black eye, and (more than) two kisses.

warnings: this is even sluttier than the last one, language, sword fighting, sharp objects, blood/injuries, reader is still a horrible person and so is luke but he's also a loooser, making out, allusions/mentions of sex but no super explicit descriptions, kind of fluffy at the end

notes: i’m starting to hate this bc i think i’ve been staring at it too long sorry if this is not as good as pt.1 but i have plans for this series ok. also READER AND LUKE ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE!!! THEIR RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT ALWAYS BE GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! they are also not real but keep that in mind :) synopsis inspired by crush by ethel cain; designated song for this fic is unpunishable by ethel cain (i’ve got a whole chronological playlist for these freaks like it’s serious)

You’ve always had a taste for violence. And an equally powerful penchant for sloth. 

You prefer to watch the carnage, not participate. It satisfies something inside you that you know, if it wasn’t for your laziness, could cause something irrevocable. Who the hell has time for that?. You’d rather lie back and watch instead.

This flaw of yours is the only reason you haven’t stirred more trouble, you think. It’s the reason you never attend camp games or sparring lessons. Sometimes, when you do, a dark muscle flexes inside your heart to curl out of its slumber, forming a hunger you don’t have otherwise. The second it starts to pry you have to rear yourself back and tuck the monster in. Banish the need for something more.

You don’t want to feed it. You don’t know what happens if you do. So you let other people do the feeding for you.

Luke cuts through two dummy heads in one swoop. It’s fucking gorgeous. The moon reflects off his sword, a silver sheen casting his face when he’s in the right spot. His brows are set, eyes so dark they blend with the night. Every motion is ruthless. Satisfying. 

You don’t know how many times you’ve watched him like this. He called you out for it last night, but you’re sure he doesn’t know the half of it. The shadows are a sacred cloak to you, and you wait inside them until you want your presence known. 

Meet me tomorrow. 

It runs through your head like a broken record. You can still feel his breath on your lips and your neck is still tender—had to wear a sweater in the blazing heat to hide the marks. Since you were created you’ve accepted a universal truth about yourself: you don’t harbour affection for anyone or anything. There’s not a single thing you’ve felt drawn to or protective over but yourself. It’s solitary, yes, and lonely, yes, but that’s the way you’re supposed to be. 

But you think about last night. You think about the moments between the kisses and the rush. When he teased you against your ear. When his hand brushed a certain spot on your back and something much lighter fluttered inside of you. When you crawled into sleep and thought about him, those were the moments that struck you the strangest. 

His gaze pans over the treeline every once in a while, the anger diluted. Then it comes back twice as hard as he shreds another dummy to pieces. 

He’s waiting for you. Oh, this is rich! A better person would probably turn around and go spoon their offerings into the bonfire the second they understand what they’re doing is incredibly destructive. But who are we kidding? You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. 

So you take a step forward, slip out of the comfort of the dark, and the next time he looks to the treeline he knows you’re there. He can’t see you, but he knows. 

You wait. His strikes are less tenuous, much smoother. It almost makes you laugh. Some fucking showman he is. 

Eventually, he buries his blade in the dirt and wipes his brow. “Are you gonna come talk to me or are you gonna stare at me all night like an owl?”

You relish in the feeling of shedding the darkness, coming into the light of the moon. “Hi,” you say flatly, but there’s a tiny smile on his face when he sees you that almost puts you off. 

“Hello, rotten.” He tries to lean on the hilt of his sword but it isn’t quite tall enough so he stumbles. It’s so pathetic it almost makes you laugh. 

“Don’t call me that,” you grimace.

“Okay, back to heathen?”

“Don’t call me that either.”

“Well, you don’t seem too happy when people call you by your name so pick your poison here.” 

You don’t say anything, your mouth set in a scowl. “All right, both it is,” Luke shrugs.

He’s different from last night. Less impatient. You hope it’s not because he thinks he has you now—he’s got another thing coming. “I almost thought you weren’t gonna come,” he says with a crooked grin, neither bashful nor ashamed. 

You’ve made your way closer to him, the soft grass turning to dusty earth. “Don’t know why I did,” you mutter crassly. 

Having abandoned his sword, Luke chuckles wryly. “Yes, you do.”

That bitterness he hides from everyone else pierces through. He tilts your face up like he did yesterday, the press of his fingers beneath your chin almost burning you. You know he’s peering at the marks on your neck. 

“If you made me come here just to hook up with me you’re delusional,” you glare. 

“What, like that’s not why you’re here?” He pushes your face up a little higher, grinning a little when you add resistance. “I’m a gentleman, you know. I can be patient.”

This guy is full of fucking shit.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” you snipe. The only point of contact you have is his hand on your chin, but you’re a hair’s breadth away from having everything else. The air drifting between you is almost palpable, shrinking smaller and smaller like it’s terrified of being trapped between you.

He keeps your face still. He’s studying you, and you’re suddenly curious about what he sees. You remember all those looks you’d share at the dinner tables that made this happen in the first place. What did he see then? 

“You wanna fight?”

It takes you a second to react. “What?”

“You want to fight. Pick up a sword, let’s go.” He smiles as he finally lets you go, waltzing away from you to unbury his sword from the dirt. His touch permeates through your skin and you hate it. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? I can’t fight.”

“Sure you can,” he replies, grabbing another sword from the training rack. “You need to burn off a little steam.”

You laugh sharply. “And you think me waving a sword around is gonna do that?”

“Uh, yeah,” he grins. “It’s the method that lets us keep the most clothes on.” 

You glare at him. His smirk is a mile wide. The way your stomach is simmering almost makes you sick; it’s like gorging yourself on candy except this time the candy has a sword and maybe wants to fuck you. 

You just watch as he hands you his sword, and the moonlight glinting off the metal has you believing it’s not the kind used for training. “I’ll use the dull one,” he assures. “C’mon, heathen. I know you’ve used a sword before, they force us to.”

“I usually skip those classes.”

He laughs. You can’t tell if it’s at you or with you. “Of course you do.”

You don’t like following orders, but oh, what the hell. Luke knows something about you, just like you know something about him. You’re only a little curious about it. 

“Straighten your back,” is the first thing he says once you’ve taken your stance across from him. The blunt of his sword reaches out to tap your hip. 

You begrudgingly do as you’re told. He watches you mirthfully, and the press of his sword against you starts to feel like a substitute for his hand. All the closeness you’re hungry for, dampened by cold steel. It still makes you buzz. 

He gives you the barebones—the right grip, how to maneuver, the proper balance. But long gone is his easy disposition. The motor inside him that powered all those dummy beheadings and disembowelments is running again, except this time it’s for you. He wants a fight. This is his battlefield. All right, you’ll bite.

You start to spar with the skill of an overgrown toddler. The sword feels like an unnatural ligament hanging off your body. Luke is precise, convicting, far more enthusiastic than you. “You can do better than that,” he prods after your swords clash lazily for the billionth time. “Stop going easy.”

“You’re going easy,” you shoot back. 

“Yeah, but I’d really rather not. Come on.” 

There’s a moment of hesitation. You think about that dark thing you keep harboured. A muscle aching to be used. 

“Come on,” he says again, and he almost sounds pissed. “All of a sudden you’re playing nice? What are you afraid of?”

Something flares inside you. “Nothing!”

“Then pick up the sword and fight me.”

You huff and roll your eyes, but your next swing is far more inspired. Luke blocks it easily, but you don’t care. “There we go,” he nods. “Again.”

This is more than you bargained for when you decided to come see him. All you want is to make out with this hot, awful person and have him tell you hot, awful things about yourself you probably already know. Why do you have to fight to get it? 

He keeps provoking you no matter how hard you try. Your temper picks up the more you swing, discordant clangs bruising the air, but it’s still not enough. Luke doesn’t let up. Of course the one time you try to be nice, you’re not allowed to. On second thought, why are you reigning yourself in for Luke? The only other person in camp with a real, consuming viciousness? If anything you should hit him twice as hard, since he’s so sure he can take it. 

“No wonder you’re so angry all the time,” Luke heaves out, and it gives you a swell of satisfaction. “You don’t have a proper outlet. Maybe you’d be nicer if you didn’t sit around and complain all day.”

“Shut up,” you gnash your teeth. 

“Just saying, maybe you should do something about it.”

You’re getting lost in the rhythm of the swords, the adrenaline, the sweat passing the scar on his cheek. Every swing you think less and less, and that dark muscle flexes more and more. It feels like home to you. Like a good meal. Your bones ache and the world has darkened, but that rotten pit inside you cracks open in full bloom. 

Luke keeps egging you on but you can’t hear him. Not like he still needs to. You think you’re smiling, or huffing furiously, or both. The sharpness of the sword intrigues you. A million terrible things reflect off its blade and you imagine them, all at once, until you are out of your body and the black hole inside you has properly wedged itself open. 

Luke jabs at you and you bring your sword down with a vengeance. But it’s a little too low. You only notice when he drops his weapon to the side and staggers back.

The fog of violence falters. It fades almost completely when he hisses long and hard, eyes screwed shut, and you see the tear in his shirt. In his skin. 

“Shit,” you say. “Fuck.”

You don’t sound sorry, you don’t think you are sorry, especially when he laughs. It’s a wheezy one through his teeth as you come up to him, but a laugh nonetheless. “Knew you were going easy,” he remarks through a wince. 

You ignore him, looking down at the injury. A  gash across his abdomen. It’s bleeding a little, but not enough for it to drip. You did that. Just looking at the blood, you feel the bitter taste of it in your mouth, the reward a temporary hunger for carnage brought you. This is why you don’t play camp games. 

“I’ve got thick skin. I’m fine,” Luke says casually. “I’ve got a medical kit under that tree over there in case I beat myself up too bad.” He’s no longer scrunched in pain, and you’ve got a feeling he’s telling the truth. So you go fetch the kit where he said it was. You need to wrap that slash. Not because you’re sorry for him, but because looking at it makes you angry. 

You kneel and pop the lid of the small tin kit, covered in dirt. It’s mostly gauze and bandages. Rubbing alcohol too. “Just give me the gauze, that’s all I need,” Luke gestures. 

“Shut the fuck up, I’m doing it myself.” You’ve already torn off some gauze, sitting all the way up on your knees. 

“Most people just say sorry.”

“You pushed me,” you spit back, surprisingly forceful. Luke’s smile drops. You take a deep breath, adjusting yourself to get eye level with the injury. “I told you I don’t fight.”

You’re not sure what makes Luke give in, but he doesn’t say a word as you lift the hem of his torn shirt and he holds it up. There’s no proud remark about your eyes lingering on his stomach, or the hesitation in your hands. You stare at the wound. It really is shallow. Your thumb presses at the skin around it and he winces. “My bad,” you mutter. 

As you sterilize the cut and wrap the gauze around his torso, you try not to let your fingertips cling to the warmth on his skin. You try not to notice the other scars littered there, most faded to the point they should be impossible to pick up even in the sun. It’s obvious he’s staring at you. Your neck is crawling with warmth. But you don’t engage, you just wrap the gauze a few times and do your best not to notice the rise and fall beneath his muscles as he breathes. Then you fasten things neatly and put everything away so you can get up. Any second. Come on. 

“Good?” You ask instead, exhaling. 

“Good,” he affirms. He slides a hand under your forearm and gets you up. It stays there once you’re standing. The night stills. 

“I’m guessing you’re adding ‘attempted killer’ to your list of horrible qualities,” you go on to break the silence.

He holds your gaze unyieldingly. “I’d consider that a pro, actually.” 

You are entirely fed up with this drawn out evening, but you can’t bring yourself to speed anything up any more than stepping closer so your chests brush. “I will give you one, though,” he continues, craning down to your ear. You smell his skin and it sends you back to the position you were in yesterday. 

He finally kisses your jaw, just once, then your neck. You shiver. “You’re too tense.” Another kiss behind your ear. It’s not enough. “Do you even know how to have fun?”

“I don’t want to have fun,” you reply bitterly. I just want to make out with you, asshat.

Luke’s breath frosts over your face when he chuckles, but before he can get any further away you catch his mouth with yours. Almost instinctively his arm winds around you to pull you in closer, your hand looping through his curls. It's a relief, knowing last night wasn't some freak accident. This does feel good, actually, and it can happen. Everything you felt yesterday is only more urgent now, hungrier, and you're pretty sure the way you kiss him gives that away.

He indulges you, squeezing the base of your hips as his other hand thumbs across the marks on your neck. This is so fucking embarassing—you think you whine when he bites down on your bottom lip. You’ve never needed something this bad, you’ve never needed anything. But you press yourself as close to him as you can manage and his hand runs lower, slips against your inner thighs, and it’s difficult to worry about anything else. 

Until he pulls away. Like a dick. 

He doesn’t go far, his forehead pressed to yours, but you feel like pulling out all his hair. It’s a muddling mix of frustration and longing you’re starting to associate with him. “Dude,” you groan, an inner coil only starting to unwind begrudgingly compressing. 

“Let’s go for a swim,” he says. The enthusiasm is almost alarming. Almost makes him look younger.

You’re homicidal. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes, heathen. Let’s go for a swim, come on.”

He’s rubbing circles on your thigh, which only makes you want to strangle him. “But I—I don’t have my bathing suit,” you string out. 

The smile gets more boyish. “Wow, whatever shall we do?”

It’s another challenge. Another dare. And he knows what you want, fucking jerk. You’re going to kill him. 

“Fine,” you grunt, and the second the words leave your lips you’re pulled to the lake. 

It’s a warm, sticky evening, only made worse with the sweat and the half-assed kissing, so the water doesn’t seem all that bad. Unfortunately, you don’t like giving into demands. So you stare ghoulishly at your fingernails as Luke tosses off his ripped shirt and his shorts so he can plunge into the lake. “Aren’t you going to at least come in?” He asks, but you don’t look at him. 

“I don’t like swimming,” you lie. 

“At least your feet. It’s nice, I swear!”

A splash, like smoke moving through wind chimes. You look up and Luke has completely submerged, popping his head up closer to the mouth of the dock. “Please,” he says with such conviction your resolve turns to butter. Gods, what is happening to you? You still need that lobotomy! 

You sigh, roll your eyes, turn your back to him. “Fuck this,” you mutter under your breath. You undress to your undergarments and you’re not sure if you want Luke to be watching or not. The moon touches your bare skin and a chill trickles through you. 

You take a seat at the edge of the dock, knees tucked to your chest. Luke swims over for you right away. His hair is dripping against his skin, and you hate how beautiful it looks. The waterline is high tonight, almost ridiculously so, so he props his elbows up on the dock with no problem. “Come in,” he urges. 

“No.”

“Just your legs?”

“No.”

“Gods, I’ll make it worth it, just throw your damn legs in!” 

Your eyebrows shoot up. His face is stubbornly pink. Oh, so now he wants something. You take your time uncurling yourself and Luke wades away from the dock so you can put your feet in. The water goes up to your calves, and you shiver. “So fucking difficult,” he mutters, and your pulse flickers. 

“Sorry, what was that?” You let yourself grin for the first time all night. 

“Nothing,” he hums. This time when he comes to the dock, he wraps his hands around your calves. You’re pretty sure he can stand here because he stops treading. The warmth of the water seems to spread further, long past the threshold of your knees. 

He rests his chin just above your knee, water pooling on your skin. “Stop dripping on me,” you complain. 

“Sorry.” He fake pouts when he kisses the damp spot. You see, ever so faintly, a diabolic shift in his expression. He nudges your leg with the point of his nose, then kisses it, then starts to move it aside. “Feel bad about teasing you all night,” he murmurs, still with an edge. He presses more kisses on your legs. “I really did want to see you.”

The irony that he’s still teasing is not lost on you. You’re not loving how desperately warm you’re starting to feel. “Why’s that?” You lean back on your palms. 

“You’re a very interesting person,” he quips innocently. His hands are cupping the backs of your calves. He’s pulled you a lot closer to the water, and somehow you’ve just noticed. Another blistering kiss on the inside of your thigh. 

“You’re fucking evil,” you scathe. 

He looks up at you from between your legs. “You have literally done nothing but berate and injure me this whole evening.”

“Yeah, and right after I patch you up you jump in the water for shits. You’re playing infection roulette, Castellan.”

“See? You’re so mean.” He sighs, and in a move that almost surprises you to death, he hoists both your legs over his shoulders and they dangle into the river behind him. “And here I am anyway, making it up to you.”

You are suddenly illuminated on the purpose of this situation. Why Luke is between your legs. Your heart jolts. “Luke, you can’t be serious.” 

“Mmhm.” He leans forward to kiss right under your navel. 

You hate how much you want him to do it again, how your body burns, but you avert your eyes. “Someone’s gonna—someone’s gonna hear us.”

He snorts, “No they won’t. Either this or you come in the water with me. Or both. We’ll see.”

A huge smile cracks across your face before you push it back down. You’re going to spend a lot of time coming back to this moment, this night, wondering why. “What is wrong with you.”

It comes out like a compliment when it leaves you. You want to vanish. Luke chuckles, and something foreign to the both of you buzzes through the air. 

“Are you going to be nice?” He asks against your skin. 

“Are you going to be quick?”

His mouth finds your hip bones and yeah, why the hell would you say no to this? He nods, “Swear.” 

That’s all you need. You let your eyes slide shut and your head tilts towards the sky. Luke takes your permission and runs with it, pries you open with his mouth until the stars soak through the black of your eyelids. 

You discover pretty quickly neither of you are good at keeping promises. 

The next time you need Luke’s med kit, he’s already awake. 

It’s been happening more and more often. You lurking around camp past moonrise and finding Luke outside his cabin, going for a walk or a stretch or a … something with you. 

“Do you ever sleep?” You ask him sometimes between flurries of kisses with your back against a tree. 

“Could ask you the same thing, heathen,” he squeezes your hips and nips at your neck, but never answers the question. And neither do you, so you’re both okay with it. You’d hate to give up this feeling, but he doesn’t need to know that.

This is the first time in your punitive life you have felt alive. Like a person, with bones and flesh and soul, a real presence. Not a ghost of smoke and shadow. You are real. 

Fooling around makes you feel like an actual teenager. You’re young, you remember when Luke joins you in the dark. You’re having fun. His hands under your shirt and his mouth on your collarbone, the way he bites down and winces when you do something a little too well, when you string out his name and he rewards you for it. You’re both greedy, insatiable people, so there’s a push and pull only the two of you would ever be able to handle. And nobody has to know. Despite all the bruises, the sleepless nights, the swollen lips, all you and Luke share in the daylight are noxious looks, and that's only if he can find you. A perfect crime. Camp Half-Blood’s angel and the vice that lives in the shadows. But in the dark, it’s hard to tell which is which. 

“Luke,” you whisper. “Luke.”

“I’m up,” he grumbles, peering up at you. “You shouldn’t sneak into my cabin.” He was already sitting up in his bed when you slipped in, and he didn’t notice you were there till you were right in front of him.

“Worried someone will catch me? You should know better.” 

He follows you outside so you don’t wake the other campers. There’s a thrill knowing just one interaction between the two of you could ruin both your reputations forever. 

“What is it, heathen?” He asks as the door closes behind him. It’s so dark and your back is turned to him, but his voice is drenched in smugness. “You don’t usually want to put up with me more than once a night.”

“Don’t have a choice,” you mutter, staring out at the camp. You go to chew on your bottom lip, but you wince immediately. “Where’s your kit thingy? The one we used after I impaled you.” 

“You mean after you lightly grazed me?” 

“Just tell me where it is, Luke.”

Your sharpness could cut through any sleepy daze he possibly has. He’s silent behind you for a second. “Why?” He asks.

“Because I need it.”

His hand curls around your shoulder and before you can think to submerge yourself in darkness, he turns you around. When he sees you, his face breaks from something proud to something … you’re not sure you like. “Oh, heathen,” he murmurs. “What happened to you?”

You guess it’s a semi-appropriate reaction, although you expected at least a grimace. To put it lightly, your face looks gnarly as fuck. There’s a bruise on your cheekbone and your lip is split. But what really draws attention is the half-formed, garish black eye swelling up your right side. 

“Just the usual. Pissed someone off.” It hurts the skin on your lip that’s caked with blood. 

He rests his thumb on your unbruised cheek, but somehow it still stings. You know he can’t see much of you in the dark but he tries. The prolonged eye contact without the imminent promise of a kiss feels foreign. “You need to go to the Apollo cabin,” he concludes, brows pushed together. 

A laugh slips past your broken lips. “No fucking shot. They would not help me.”

“Why not?”

“Because one of their shit-eaters did this!”

The words take a moment to register. You see them filtering through Luke’s brain. He blinks absurdly. “An Apollo guy beat you up?”

“Not beat up. Just … tussled.”

“How much tussling earns you a black eye, exactly? From Apollo kids.”

“Gods, just tell me where your kit is so you can go back to fucking sleep.”

His fingertips inch around the back of your neck, thumb still against your face. “Already wasn’t sleeping. I might as well help you,” he shrugs. “I move the kit every once in a while so some other campers don’t ravage it.”

“I don’t need help.”

Luke opens his mouth, then sighs deeply. He takes a firm hold of your arm and starts to tug you along. “Hey, what—” you swat at his arm. 

“You’re ridiculous,” he huffs. “Come on.”

It’s strange. Luke’s never done you a favour before. At least not one like this. You’re disgruntled enough that you had to go ask him in the first place and now he’s dragging you around? “This isn’t such a big deal, Luke,” you badger. “I’m fine.”

“Sure, whatever. Wait right here.” He lets go of you and only then you realize you’re in front of the Apollo cabin. You grimace, and Luke must have noticed because he says, “Don’t worry, I’m just gonna go inside and grab some things. No one’s gonna jump you.”

You scowl at him, and he just laughs. A part of you hopes he hits his head on the way in. You hide anyway. 

It’s a few minutes of waiting in the oppressive summer heat, until Luke emerges from the cabin with his hands full. He looks around, hesitantly calling, “Heathen?” Then again. You move out of your hiding spot and he jogs over to greet you. 

“Nice haul,” you comment. There’s an ice pack, cotton pads, a few miscellaneous items. “How’d you get them?”

He smiles widely. “Everyone loves me, heathen. It’s not hard.”

“…So you stole them.”

“Yes, but only because I’m too tired to talk to people and I’m protesting for your sake,” he rattles off. “Now hold this ice pack before it gives me frostbite.”

The two of you make your way down to the docks again. It’s morphed into your usual meeting place, since the waves lapping at the shore mask when Luke gets a little too noisy just to piss you off. (At least that’s what he tells you.)

He’s stashed his little tin in a different tree this time. After he retrieves it he sets everything out like a chef preparing to make a meal out of gauze and rubbing alcohol. 

Your head has been throbbing for the past few hours. You’re not proud that you antagonized the wrong Apollo kid and got a shiner for it. You’re less proud that you came to Luke for help. Just like everyone else does.

“Come,” he gestures, tugging at the waistband of your pants. You scoot closer to him and swallow the weight of your pulse when he touches you. 

Luke slowly presses the ice pack to your black eye, letting you hold it. “What did you do to earn this, anyway?” He asks, head tilted to the side. 

You’re hissing because of the ice, half-consciously shifting into him. “The usual. Spat at him. Made fun of his daddy a little too much. Tripped him so he landed face-first in his offerings.”

“You did not,” Luke laments as he dots alcohol onto a cotton pad. 

“You’re allowed to say you’re proud of me, Saint Castellan. I won’t tell. You can be mean.” Your voice drips with irony, and you hope it bothers him. The flex in his jaw gives it away. 

“You’re always gonna be meaner,” is all he says back. “This is gonna hurt.”

It’s all the warning he gives before he presses the pad against your lip. The sting envelops you immediately, and your good eye squeezes shut. “Shit, ow!” 

“Stop moving your mouth.”

“Fuck,” you swear anyway. Your lip burns so hard you can feel it in your teeth. 

Luke holds your jaw with his other hand so you can’t shy away. “I’ll kiss it better,” he teases. “Almost done.”

You roll your eyes, but Luke takes the pad off a few moments later. “Serious question. How are you so awful to people all the time?”

A groan tears through your throat with such force your head tilts back. “Not you too! I don’t need a fucking reason, there is no reason. Why doesn’t anyone get that?” 

“I’m not asking why. I’m asking how.”

He’s oddly serious, the caress of his thumb on your cheek far slower. You hate it when people want a reason why you’re like this, just to help them sleep at night. But from the bags lining Luke’s eyes, sleep doesn’t seem to be on his radar. 

“I just don’t care,” you admit, shrugging. “I don’t care about any of them. I don’t care about what they can do to me. I don’t care about anything.”

“…What about the Gods?”

It makes you cock your head. “Huh?”

“You wouldn’t care about them, either?”

You think, but only about which words to use. “No,” you decide, “They don’t scare me. They’re nothing. What are they gonna do to me?”

Luke snorts, almost nervously. “Uh, punish you for saying that, for one.”

You turn back to him, ice pack leaving your eye as you gesture. “How? By killing me? Pecking out my eyeballs? Burning me alive? I’m telling you, I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. It’s all just nothing to me. I’m fucking unpunishable, I’d like to see them try.” 

Huffing, you look back up at the firmament of stars. Luke says nothing. 

The grass rustles as he shifts, and his mouth ghosts over the bruise on your eye. “Unpunishable,” he murmurs, like he’s testing it out. Then he places an uncharacteristically gentle kiss just beneath your eye. And another just above. “We’ll see about that.”

You get that feeling again, the unbearable lightness in a place it shouldn’t be. Mixed with the poison lodged in your heart. 

Luke kisses you, still so delicate that you wonder if he’s been body-snatched. If anything, your bleeding lip feels soothed against his. His hands cradle your face with no ferocity at all. It seems wrong. 

“How do you feel?” He asks after pulling away, dark eyes nebulous and wide. The night usually sharpens his features. Now, they’ve been hushed.

“Um, better,” you reply. 

He hums, laying a slow trail of kisses on your jaw. “Did you at least get the other guy?” He asks between kisses. “Like, did you hurt him?”

“Not really,” you divulge, wondering if you should feel shame. 

“Why?” He’s made his way to your neck now, nudging your jaw up so he can kiss behind your ear. 

“I’m not a fighter.” And, without warning, for a reason you will never, ever be able to explain, your tongue adds, “I’m a killer.”

Your own brows furrow. Luke pauses for a moment, but knocks his nose against your neck. “Guess one of us has to be.”

There’s no more fooling around. No snappy insults, no feverish kisses, no hunger to be satiated. Luke just checks you over a few more times, hides his med kit, and you both get up to sleep. But his hand wraps around your wrist, far less firm than when he dragged you here. “Stay in my bunk, heathen,” he offers. “Leave in the morning.”

You think you’re making a mistake when you agree, but it doesn’t feel like one. 

The next day, after you’ve left Luke’s bunk, rumours float around camp that Luke Castellan accidentally butted some Apollo kid in the face with his sword during training. Caused a bloody, broken nose. Luke was very sorry, apologized profusely. 

But you know, by the way he takes you behind the stables that night, that he didn’t mean a single damn word.

luke taglist: @sunniskyies @apollos-calliope @lillycore @sunny747 @m00ng4z3r @pabkeh @thaliagracesgf @theadventuresofanartist @bonnie-tz

rotten taglist: @thaliagracesgf

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[latherinhoney]

2:00 am

(jake & heeseung - enhypen)

genre: college au

description: heeseung, jake and you have been best friends since forever, going off to the same college and even sharing an apt together. Finding time to relieve yourself can be difficult, especially living with other people since you don't want to be caught but what if it was your best friend? What if they offered to help you out in the name of being best friends and that they always help each other out no matter the situation.

5.3k words

warnings: 18+, hard smut, breeding/creampie, double penetration, anal, eating out, nipple play, some cock warming, overstim, masturbation, getting caught, use of sex toys, pet names, best friends to lovers kinda?? they just wanna fuck one another

a/n: hello hello, it's been a while since i've posted something but I had a request for a heejake x reader smut and decided why not? this is probably the longest smut i've ever worked on, it's pretty filthy lmao but as always i hope you enjoy and send me any requests! :)

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The three of you had been sharing an apartment ever since they finally let you move out of the dorms your freshman year. Jake, Heeseung and you had been friends since basically forever. Everyone always said how you guys were basically attached at the hip and did everything together.

When senior year rolled around, you guys couldn’t bear the thought of being separated from one another, going to different schools so you guys agreed to apply to the same schools. Luckily fate was on your guys side and you all got accepted into the same school. 

Though you guys did have have your occasional fights and bickering, you couldn’t imagine yourself anywhere else. You all complemented each other very well and meshed together. Since you were broke college students, you obviously couldn’t splurge for the nicest apartment but you guys managed to find a 2 bedroom for an amazing price. Jake and Heeseung shared a room and they gave you the honors of having your own bedroom. 

It was great having your own room, it was decorated the way you wanted and was the perfect place for when Heeseung and Jake started getting a little too annoying. The talk of significant others and hookups came often as you would all ask each other if you could bring back someone home. Hearing the main door close and open plus the shuffling of feet. Then hearing the bedroom door close shut and the noise of the bed hitting against the wall echoing throughout the apartment. 

Jake was notorious for bringing girls back home to the apartment for his late night hookups. Considering he was at frat parties so often it was basically like was apart of a fraternity. At least once a week he was coming home with a new girl, to which he would send a text ahead of time and which meant Heeseung and you would be roomates for the night. On the other hand Heeseung wasn’t much of a hookup culture guy although his looks could say otherwise, he only par took in them occasionally. He preferred to stay in and do whatever activity he pleased over finding some girl to hookup with. Though with you, you never really participated in hookups. Only having had one serious boyfriend in your lifetime it was just something that didn’t interest you. 

Though that didn’t mean you we’re a complete angel. Hidden in the nightstand next to your bed was your collection of toys. When the guys were out of the apartment, it was your time for your fix. Thankfully you’d never been caught by Jake or Heeseung but have had very close calls. Just last week when they we’re both out of the house, you we’re riding your dildo using your vibrator, so close to hitting your peak. “Fuck” you had moaned throwing your head back. You kept the vibrator on your clit as you could feel your stomach bubbling. “Ima cum soon” you whimpered out to yourself. That’s when you heard keys moving and the main door open. You had forgotten to lock your bedroom door and there was a 50/50 chance that Heeseung would pop in. Immediately lunging up, you shut the door and locked it. That was an extremely close call. Ever since then you were extremely careful and planned out when you we’re going to masturbate to minimize the chance of them potentially walking in on you. Though as of recently they we’re home a lot more then usual and it was starting to drive you slightly insane. You hadn’t been able to find a chance to relieve yourself and it was starting to get to you. 

“ You okay?” Jake asked tilting his head. 

“I’m okay” you muttered “Just slightly irritated is all.” 

“Hmmm well what’s irritating you?” 

“Ah it’s nothing, don’t worry I’ll take care of it” 

“It doesn’t seem like nothing but if you ever need help, Heeseung and me always here for whatever it is” 

That night you lied in your bed wondering what the hell Jake meant by that. The way he had said “for whatever it is” your imagination started running wild. Did he know? Could he tell?  So many questions swirled around inside your head. Did he mean something else with different intentions? “No, this is stupid” you thought to yourself “How could I think that one of my bestest friends wanted to fuck me? Don’t be stupid” You snapped out of it and turned over on your bed and looked at the clock 2:00am. Everyone was asleep by now, so it was either going to be now or never. You looked over at your door to make sure it was closed and started slowly opened your nightstand to reveal your array of toys. 

It’d been so long since you last masturbated that you we’re becoming impatient fumbling around grabbing a toy. You quietly slid down your pants making sure that you weren’t making any noise that Jake and Heeseung could hear from the other room. You then slipped off your underwear throwing it to the side of the bed. Reaching your hand down, you started rubbing your clit. You pratically moaned at how good it felt since it’d been so long. Quickening your pace, you grew wetter and wetter. 

Moving your hand down to grab some of your arousal to continue rubbing your cilt. The noises your body were making were so lewd, that in the back of your mind you we’re praying that Heeseung or Jake wouldn’t wake up. As you continued rubbing your clit, an aching feeling grew in your core, the feeling of needing to be stuffed. You reached over to grab your dildo and aglined up with your entrance, slowly pushing it in.

It’d been a while so the stretch was a little uncomfortable but not unwelcome. Gasping at how good it felt, you continued to warm up to it until it fully slipped in. Slowly moving it in and out you started to quicken the pace. Rubbing your clit at the same time you could feel your mind slowly slipping.

Needing to bite your tongue to keep your whimpers in, you continued moving the dildo at a quickened pace. “Fuck” you whispered out, you knew you weren’t going to last much longer with the warm feeling quickly growing in your stomach. You kept going at a relentless pace, the tip of the dildo rubbing over your g-spot with every thrust. “FuckFuckFuck” you continued whispering out. The feeling in your stomach getting tighter by the second. 

While almost getting to the brink of your climax that’s when you failed to hear footsteps walking towards your door. Heeseung woke up groggy in the middle of the night, looking at his phone he saw that it was 2:00am. He set his phone back down and got out of bed to use the restroom. In his groggy state he used the restroom and went over to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water and that’s when he heard it. He saw that the lights in your room we’re still dimly on and could hear noise coming from your room. He found it odd since you would usually have your lights off by this time. Finishing his glass of water, he started walking over to your room. 

He could hear noise from your room but couldn’t exactly make out what it was. Since you guys we’re so close with one another you usually didn’t have to knock on each others doors. If the doorknob was locked that’s when you knew the other person wanted privacy. That’s when Heesung opened the door, watching you about to hit your climax. He stood there frozen like a statue realizing what he had just walked into. It was too late for you stop when out of the corner of your eye you saw your bedroom door swing open, looking at Heeseung standing in your doorframe dumbfounded. 

“Fuck” you moaned out as you reached your peak arching your back off the bed. Not being able to stop you continued riding your high out until you came down from your peak. You then embarrassed reached to grab your blankets and quickly throw them over yourself. You could feel the heat on your face growing stronger from the embarrassment of getting caught. 

“Can I help you?” you breathe out slightly panting. 

“Uhmm…uhmmm” Heeseung stammers out, as his face slowly grows bright red. 

Not being able to get the words out of his mouth he steps back and slams the door shut. 

“Oh my fucking god, no way” Heeseung whispers panickedly as he rushes back to his room. He sat on the corner of his bed and processed what he just saw. You, balls deep with your dildo hitting your peak. Remembering you moaning as you reached your peak, not stopping even though he opened the door and watched what you we’re doing. The way your back arched from the bed and the way you couldn’t stop fucking yourself even when you reached your peak made Heeseung’s mind completely lose train of thought. Although he didn’t want to admit it he was turned on and found it arousing. 

Sure he always thought you we’re cute and found you attractive but never thought of pushing your guys relationship past only being best friends. Though something in his mind flipped when he saw you cumming on your bed. It was the first time he thought of wanting something more and wanted to push the boundaries of your friendship. Hearing the noise of the bedroom shut and whisper panicking from the other corner of the room, Jake also woke up from his sleep slightly panicked. 

“Hey, Heeseung what’s wrong?” He asks with a raspiness in his throat

“I can’t believe I just saw that” Heeseung says as he puts his hands up to his face. 

“What man? What happened?” 

“It’s so awkward, I don’t even know if I can tell you” 

“You know damn well there’s no awkward thing you can say in this friendship, what happened?” 

You lied under your covers completely mortified about what had just happened. You couldn’t believe that Heeseung had just caught you masturbating and literally caught you at the worst part too. You don’t even know how you we’re going to face him after this, praying a hole would open up on your bed and swallow you whole to save you from the embarrassment. “Fuck and of course it’s when I haven’t done it for a while either” you groan throwing your head back. 

“And that’s what happened” Heeeung says finally removing his hands from his face, red still decorating his face. 

“No way, oh my god” Jake laughs slightly “That must’ve been so awkward” 

“I was literally frozen dude, I couldn’t move at all, all I could do was watch” 

“Oh my god” Jake continues to laugh “But tell me this” getting slightly more serious “... was it hot…?” 

“We’re all best friends for fucks sake, I can’t be thinking like this”

“Listen, I know it’s weird but you can’t tell me you haven’t at least had the thought cross your mind?” 

“... I mean, I won’t lie and say I haven’t but still” 

“ I mean cmon Hee haven’t you seen when she walks around the apartment in those tiny ass shorts or when she wears those tight shirts with her boobs almost spilling out?” 

“..... yes….” 

“And you got hard watching her cum, right?” Jake says pointing at Heeseung’s obvious hard-on. “Listen, I told her if she needed help with anything to let us know and we can obviously tell she needs help right now so now’s the perfect opportunity” 

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t we just leave her alone I’m pretty sure she’s embarrassed” 

“She’s gonna be embarrassed regardless, might as well face the problem right now” 

“I hope your right” 

Jake and Heeseung get up and off the bed and start heading towards your room. You hear the footsteps leading towards your bedroom and curse “Fuck what could he want now” you groan not wanting to lift the sheets from up off your face. That’s when you heard a knocking from your door “can I come in?” you hear Heeseung from the other side of the door. You roll your eyes “What’s the fucking point of knocking on the door anymore” you think to yourself “Yes cmon in”. That’s when you see two people enter the room instead of one. You were even more mortified no fucking way Heeseung told Jake about this too. “HEESEUNG” you yelled out “You told him??” 

“Im sorry, I was panicking, and Jake asked what was wrong and I couldn’t hold it in” Heeseung said rubbing the back of his neck. Though on the other hand Jake was looking at you with a stern look. Worried about what he was going to say, you avoided making eye contact with him. “I thought I told you if you needed help with anything to let us know” he says crossing his arms. By this point your mind was running a hundred miles an hour, what did he just say? Did help with anything mean what you actually thought it meant? You swear you we’re starting to go crazy no way he just said that? 

“Well… uhmmm.. I didn’t think that’s what you meant.” You said avoiding eye contact. “We’re best friends, best friends help each other out with anything no matter what it is” Jake says his gaze darkening. 

“Well typically “normal” best friends don’t help each other out in this type of situation. 

“Well every friendship is different and we’re just taking ours to the next step.” 

You couldn’t help but admit that you did find them attractive, the way Jake and Heeseung would walk around with only a small towel wrapped around their waist after a shower. The way it hung low and could see their v-line start forming but you kept these thoughts to yourself because you guys we’re best friends. But when Jake and Heeseung had their hookups and you could hear a new girl moaning from the other room you couldn’t help but wonder is it as good as it sounds? But again these we’re thoughts you kept to yourself. 

Jake and Heeseung sat down on opposite sides of your bed and looked at each other nodding to one another before they opened their mouths to say what they we’re going to say. You we’re nervous having no idea what they we’re going to say or do. 

“If your okay with this we’re willing to take this friendship to the next step but need your confirmation” 

The way they both looked at you made your stomach fill with butterflies. “Yes please, I need both of you so bad I’ve been so lonely” you whimpered. The green light flashed and both of them immediately took their opportunity. 

“Fuck Princess we’re gonna make you feel so good” Heeseung pants out leaning into you. 

Jake immediately leans in to start kissing you on the lips, his kiss filled with want and need. You can feel the desperation behind his kiss, him wanting more and more. He slips his tongue out asking for permission and once let in the kisses start turning sloppy with him not being able to get enough of you. Meanwhile Heeseung roamed his hands all over your body, slipping them under your shirt and grabbing onto your boobs. He couldn’t believe it all the times he thought about how your tits looked like when you would wear those skimpy tops, he was finally about to see them. He unclasped your bra and started massaging your boobs which made you let out a moan into Jake’s mouth. 

“Feeling good baby?” Heeseung smirked continuing to play with your tits. You could feel your brain start to feel fuzzy with how good you were feeling. He moved his hands down to play with your nipples, causing an instant reaction from you. He rubbed the pads of his fingers on your nipples and then would pinch them rolling them inbetween his fingers, toying with them. You could already feel a warm feeling of arousal forming in your stomach from how good Heeseung was making you feel. Lifting your shirt up, he revealed your breasts his mouth practically watering at the sight of them. Leaning in, he opened his mouth and took a nipple in his mouth. Swirling his tounge around the bud has he continued licking it. Letting go for a slight breather he then started sucking on your nipples, now taking turns between both tits. 

You threw your head back in pleasure not being to contain your composure but Heeseung continued sucking and started slightly grazing his teeth over your buds. 

“Fuck Hee mmhm” you moan out. 

He took this a good sign and kept sucking on your nipples at a feverish pace. The kisses with Jake turned to the point where you we’re just exchanging saliva. He pulls back from your face and looks at you, you notice his lips are all red and his eyes are blown out. 

“Fuck I just can’t get enough of you” Jake whimpers leaning in for one more kiss. 

He pulls away noticing that your shirt was barely on due to Heeseung sucking on your tits. He helps you and pulls the rest of it off your body, leaving you completely naked only thing covering you was your blanket covering your bottom half. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so fucking beautiful” Jake praises as he takes in your body. He slowly moves his hand down your stomach to reach for the hem of your pants for him to only realize that you didn’t have anything. He groans at the fact that you didn’t have anything on turning him on even more. 

“Naughty” Jakes teases “You didn’t have anything on this whole time?” 

“Was masturbating before I got caught I didn’t have the time to put anything back on” 

“Oh?” Jake laughs “Well it definitely speeds up the pace” 

He lifts the blanket off your legs, the only thing still keeping you covered now fully exposed. He reaches his hand down once again starting to rub your clit. 

“Fuck Jake”

He kept rubbing your clit, picking up the pace already forming a pool of arousal. Heeseung took a moment to stop sucking on your tits and watched Jake rub your clit. He lazily played with your nipples as he watched Jake. Having the both of them watch you while you got your clit rubbed made the warm feeling in your stomach grow. 

“Fuckkkk” Heeseung groans out as he watched Jake slip his fingers inside of your cunt and start to finger you. By this point your mind was clouded, the only thing you could focus on was cumming. 

“Don’t just look Heeseung, start rubbing her clit” Jakes commands. Heeseung snapping out of his state moves his hand over and starts rubbing on your clit. With both of them fucking you at the same time, you we’re pratically begging to cum. The noises your body we’re making with Jake’s fingers slipping in and out and Heeseung rubbing on your clit feverishly we’re so lewd, almost pornographic. 

“FuckFuckFuck I’m gonna cum please don’t stop” you whimpered out. 

“Cum for me princess” 

The warm feeling in your stomach reached it’s peak and just like that snapped. 

“Fuck mmhm cumming” you whimper out 

Jakes continues fingering you riding out your climax and Heeseung never lets up his pace. Coming down from your high they don’t let up their pace, they just keep going. You started to feel overstimulated begging for them to stop as you couldn’t take it anymore. 

“PleasePleasePlease no more” you cry out trying to squirm away but they just hold a tighter grip on you. 

“Aww baby doesn’t want to anymore?” Jake coos “Just give us one more” 

The familiar feeling started growing in your stomach again and this time faster. This time around Heeseung took it as a opportunity and removed his hand from your clit and leaned in instead to place his mouth on your clit. He sucked on it, starting to swirl his tounge around your clit. You swore you almost started seeing stars from how good it felt. 

“Hey, not fair” Jake said getting jealous “I wanted to eat her out too” 

Jakes pulls his fingers out causing you to gasp for air from the loss of contact. He put his hand in his mouth, savoring the taste of you on his lips. 

“You taste so fucking good I need more” 

He drops his head down and joins Heeseung in eating your pussy out. Both of them lapping and taking turns at sucking on your clit. Eating you with a hunger that seemed they couldn’t get enough of. Jake returned his fingers back into your pussy that was weeping for attention. 

“Oh my god you're so wet, so wet for me and heeseung?” “Bet this pussy of yours is just begging to be stuffed.” 

He slips his fingers in and you let out a whimper. 

“Mhhhm fuck please, fuck me” You plead looking up at Jake.

He moves his fingers in and out quickening his pace. The familiar feeling yet again growing in the pit of your stomach. He curls his fingers slightly to hit your g-spot ripping out a moan from you. You didn’t know how much longer you we’re going to last at this rate. Heeseung never let up the pace he was eating you out at, eating you like it was his last meal. His tongue roamed all over your pussy determined to find your sensitive spots and it didn’t help that Jake was there helping him eat you out too. Licking your pussy at the same time it was almost too much to be able to take. 

The feeling was starting to grow tighter and you knew you we’re going to cum soon. 

“I can feel that pussy of your tightening around my fingers are you gonna cum baby?” says Jake before taking another mouthful of you. “Cum for us baby” Jake groans out

Those we’re the words you needed to hear before you we’re pushed over the edge. Reaching your peak felt like an out of body experience, the pleasure completely overtaking your body. Jake and Heeseung continued eating you out riding out your peak before you finally starting coming down from it. 

“Princess you taste so good, fuck I need more” Heeseung whimpers into your pussy trying to clean as much of your arousal as he could. He continues to slurp you, coming down from your high you began to squirm in his grasp from still being sensitive. On the other hand Jake pulls away and yet again puts his fingers in his mouth to suck your cum from his fingers. 

“Always taste so good can’t get enough” Jake grins.

 By this point you had been fucked out of your mind, recieving not one but two explosive orgasms. Your body was getting tired by this point but you could tell Jake and Heeseung we’re just getting started. You look up to see Jake and Heeseung’s hard-ons as they palm over their cocks. 

“Fuck I can’t wait put my cock into your tight pussy” Jake whimpers out as he rushes to take off his clothes. In your drunken bliss you watch as Heeseung and Jake move quickly to take off their clothes. As you watch them remove the last of their clothes, slipping off their boxers you realize just how big they are. Their cocks stiff and leaking pre-cum already. “Fuck” you thought to yourself “How are they gonna fit?” You adjust yourself sitting back up and look over at both of them, you could see a hunger lingering in their eyes. 

“Lay on your back” Heeseung demands becoming more assertive then before, you’d never seen this side of him. You do as told and readjust yourself to lay on your back. Heeseung’s moves over to your side and grabs onto you to readjust your body onto his lap. You can feel the way his hard cock presses against your back and shudder at the thought that pretty soon he’d be inside of you. Jake then moves over to position himself in front of you. You didn’t really know what they had planned and looked at them in confusion. 

“What are we about to do?” you ask with a puzzled look 

“We’re going to fuck you at the same time” Jake smirks 

“Oh”

Your mouth runs dry at the thought. Both? At the same time? You didn’t even know if they’d even be able to fit inside of you let alone take both at the same time. Heeseung grabs onto your ass and starting to massage it. 

“Relax, we’ll take good care of you” 

Heeseung grabs his cock in his fist pumping it a few times, watching as the pre-cum starts to leak down his cock. Bitting his lip he isn’t able to contain his moans and let’s them slip. 

“Fuck I need you inside of me already, I can’t take it anymore” Heeseung whines. 

Letting go of his cock, he reaches back down for your ass and lifts you up slightly re-positioning himself to lean his back slightly on the headboard. He has perfect view of your ass, drooling at the fact that his cock was finally going to be inside of you. 

He lowers you back down onto his cock and feel his cock slowly start to enter your ass. He slowly pushes it in letting you get adjusted to his length but grits his teeth as your ass clenches around his tip. Breathing heavily he continues to slowly further push into you until your finally balls deep. Your ass feels full and the strech is slightly uncomfortable but welcome. You ask Heeseung to just stay like this for a few minutes so you could adjust to his cock. 

“Princess I’m going insane I could cum from just this, please can I move?” Heeseung pleads. You nod your head and almost instantly Heeseung starts fucking into you, moving at a gentle pace to help you continue adjust to his length. During this Jake is touching himself to him Heeseung finally entering your ass and watching as your face contorts from pain to pleasure. It was driving him insane and he needed to feel himself inside of you. 

He shot Heeseung a glance making Heeseung stop and you whimpered from the loss of friction. 

“Why’d you stop Hee?” you cry out 

“Because I can’t let you guys have all the fun” Jake remarks “Besides it wouldn’t be fair to leave this hole empty, I know how bad you want it” 

Your pussy clenches around nothing anticipating for Jake to enter you. He could cum just from watching the way your pussy clenches for him. He pumps his dick a few more times and spreads your legs, slowly entering you. Your pussy was so warm and hot that he almost came right there and then but held his composure. The way your pussy was clenching down on him was almost too unbearable for him. You felt stuffed in almost every way possible, Jake’s thick cock in your pussy and Heeseung’s in your ass made your head spin. Though having both of them inside of you wasn’t enough you needed them to start moving inside of you. Your body was begging for any type of friction at this point.

“Please, I need you to move mmhm can’t take it” you beg out. 

With that they both start to move and your body feels like it’s on fire with pleasure hitting you from every angle. The sound of skin slapping from both angles sounded so dirty but felt so amazing. Jake moved one of his hands to play with your nipples adding even more onto the pleasure. Your mind was melting and couldn’t even register the amount of pleasure you we’re feeling. 

“Fuck, princess you’re clamping down so hard on my cock it’s driving me insane” Heeseung grits out.

You could feel the way Heeseung’s cock moved in your ass repeatedly hitting your pleasure point and Jake’s tip repeatedly rubbing against your g-spot, grazing the bottom of your cervix. It was too intense and you could feel the warmness start to build in the pit of your stomach. The room was filled with heavy panting and moans, everyone focused on reaching that high. You could tell that they we’re getting close the way Heeseung’s thrusts were getting inconsistent and Jake’s face was starting to contort. 

“I don’t think i’m going to last much longer” Jake moans out. 

“Me either mmhm so close” Heeseung pants 

You could feel yourself starting to get closer and closer by the second as well, the feeling growing too intense. Jake puts a hand to your stomach, wanting to feel the way his dicks moves inside of you. With the way he was watching you being fucked stupid and him feeling the way his cock moved inside of you it was too unbearable for him. 

“Fuck baby i’m coming” Jake whimpered out. A few more sloppy thrusts and Jake unloaded inside of you. Continuing to chase his high as he fucked his cum inside of you making sure you took it in deep inside of you painting your walls. The feeling of Jake cumming inside of you sends you over the edge and hit your peak as well. 

Riding out your high, Jake continues to pound into you, your pussy clamping down on his cock. He grunts at the extra pressure put on his cock and it spurs him to continue fucking you. You start coming down from your high and Jakes fucks the last of his cum into you before slowing his pace until he stops but never pulling out from you. Before you can even question him you can feel Heeseung’s hips start stuttering 

“I’m gonna- I’m gonna fucking cum” Heeseung whines before he finally spills his load inside of you. Him cumming triggered another orgasm inside of you and both of you came at the same. It was nothing like you had felt before, the feeling of cumming from your ass felt so intense. You couldn’t help but throw your head back and whine in pleasure at how overstimulated you felt. The feeling of your ass clenching on Heeseung’s cock sent him even more over the edge. 

Fucking into you even more feverishly, making sure he stuffed you full of his seed. He wanted to make sure you we’re full of him and that you we’re his and only his. He came down from his high, hips slowing down. Your brain was mush at this point only feeling pleasure, relishing in the fact that you we’re stuffed of both of your best friend’s cum. 

“How was that baby hmm?” Jake asks. 

“So fucking good” you say slurring your words. 

“Fuck you make not wanna pull out, you feel too good” Heeseung whines hiding his face into your back. 

“Can’t we just stay like this for a bit?” Jake begs. 

You cave and stay with both of them inside of you for a few more mins. They decide it’s finally time to pull out and Heeseung makes sure to hold onto you as he pulls you off of him since he knew you’d be too weak to support yourself. Both him and Jake hiss at the loss of contact and you cry out at the loss of feeling of having them inside of you. Heeseung lays you down and both of them watch as their load drips out of you, satisfied with themselves. 

“So how was it… fucking your best friends?” Jake asks with a shit-eating grin.

“Fucking amazing” you slur in your blissed out state “We should’ve done this sooner”

Heeseung and Jake both let out a small laugh and smile. 

“I’ll go get something to wipe her down with” Heeseung says lifting himself off the bed. Jake stays and starts playing with your hair looking down at you with loving eyes. 

“What are you so giddy about” you asked softly laughing 

“Nothing, just you’re so pretty I can’t help but look at you” 

You hum as he continues to play with your hair, you could get used to this. 

[lovelettersfromluna]

After Dark

Summary: It’s a universal rule that every ghost face at a Halloween party is hot underneath. Let’s test that theory, shall we?

an: AHHH OKAY! Lemme explain. I made a post about participating in kinktober, and while a lot of you wanted me to, I feel like it’s too late for me to properly participate. HOWEVER, I still want to give you something to kick off the weekend! Something spooky AND smutty for all my ghouls out there. I hope you’re all having a good Halloweekend! Pls stay safe and have lots of fun, I’m sure you all have the cutest costumes planned! Also, I took a different approach to reader, so let me know how you guys like her!! 🖤🖤 p.s I was drunk when I wrote this :p

Warnings: SMUT!!! 18+, MDNI, porn with no plot, strap-on sex, mentions of the word “cock”, mask kink, alcohol usage, mentions of latex, riding, cliche house party trope, slight sugar mommy!ellie if you squint??, lmk if I missed anything!

Out of all of three hundred and sixty five days of the year, today was your favorite.

Today was the one day within the year that there weren’t really any rules. You could wear anything, be whoever you wanted, and it was socially acceptable to get drunk while doing so, and there was no way in hell you would ever pass up on that.

No matter the circumstances, you were invited to a Halloween party. Whether it was some cheesy bash that was being thrown at a friend of a friends house, or a more upscale party, you were going out.

And you always looked damn good doing so.

You were always praised on your costumes, every year it was expected of you to top what you did the last, so there was no doubt in the fact that you were putting in maximum effort year after year.

This year? You stuck with one of the classics of course. The devil.

You were dripping in skin tight latex, the black corset you wore that pushed your boobs out perfectly, your soft skin nearly spilling out of the tight top, the tight booty shorts that hugged the globes of your ass, your cheeks peeking out, the gloves that hugged your arms, and the thigh high socks that shined under the moonlight, everything you wore was that delicious shiny material that made you look almost unreal.

And underneath it all? You had painted your entire body red, paired with fake red horns peeking out of your pretty hair.

So yeah, you were almost always crowned as the queen of Halloween.

This year was no different, halloweekend had been kicked off with quite the everything shower, making sure your body was in perfect condition for everything you’d be attending. You had gotten ready with your friends at your apartment, getting a few shots in before making it to the biggest party of the year. Everyone looked forward to it, putting together their best costumes for the party at the house that almost everyone died to get into.

Walking down the streets of the city on Halloween was like Christmas, various characters from movies and cartoons cheering, dancing, all social barriers that were put up every other day of the year were down, the veil being lifted for one night that allowed anything to be game.

The amount of whistles you and your friends received on your way there was almost appalling, not to mention the amount of people who told you they’d let you torture them any day. You thought that was cute.

Soon enough, the sounds of the party were near, and you could see the red lights spilling out of the big house in the middle of the block, and you knew it was time.

Eyes were on you immediately, and it made you giggle as you scoped out the food group that was there tonight. Of course you knew they’d stare, drool over you with their mouths open, begging for just a moment of your time.

But you were a very picky girl.

Ignoring their advances was like second nature, all you had to do, was shake your ass, drink some free liquor, and wait for the perfect person to take up your time for the night.

And as always, that never took long for you.

Your hips swayed to the music, eyes closed as you enjoyed one of the best parts of parties. The alcohol you drank made your body warm up in the best way, made every touch on your body feel so much more intense, all while numbing out everything else. It made you feel alive, it made you raise your arms above your head and simply let the music move you.

It was only a moment, your eyes drifting open to make sure your friend was still in front of you, and you’re sure if you hadn’t, you would’ve missed it.

Across the room, stood a tall figure. She wore a loose black t shirt, baggy black jeans, black boots….

And a ghost face mask.

The figure was turned towards you, leaning against the wall with a red solo cup clasped between a hand, a pretty tattoo bleeding into it. Anyone else would have seen it, and thought that whoever it was, was extremely fucking creepy. Everyone knew that ghost face was one of the creepiest people you could choose to be for Halloween ever.

But it just so happened, that you’ve always had a thing for masked killers.

Although you couldn’t see the eyes of the person behind the mask, you could feel them, and it made you burn from the inside. You bit your bottom lip softly, throwing back the rest of the alcohol in your cup before you turned your body more towards them, giving them a good view of your body. You began dancing, putting on a show for them, your glove glad hands running up and down your body, your neck, your boobs, your waist, practically having sex on the dance floor with yourself, all for this stranger who was most definitely watching you.

You feel like you have x-ray vision, because although you can’t see her face, you can see the way she grips her cup tighter whenever you sway your hips, turning around to give her a nice view of your ass. You see the way she shifts her weight onto her other foot whenever your hand runs over the curve of your tits. When you really know you’ve got her, is when you rest your hands on your friends hips, and pull her into your crotch, your eyes never leaving the ghost face mask. You know you’ve got her because she sets her cup down, raises her long, skinny fingers, and silently calls you over before she makes her way down one of the hallways in the house.

And suddenly, a game of cat and mouse begins.

You almost never chase anyone at a party, you’re always the one that’s being chased. However, there’s something about this ghost face. There’s an aura radiating off of her, one that’s dripping of lust, screaming at you, telling you she’s got exactly what you need, exactly what you’re looking for during these stupid Halloween parties.

So you break your little streak, and as soon as she calls you, you’re following her.

The house is lit up with all different colors, the kitchen was purple, the living room was pink, everywhere you turned was another tinted space that fit the Halloween vibe perfectly.

As you look around for your ghost face, you can’t help but huff softly. It almost feels as if she’s disappeared into thin air, as if the alcohol in your system made you hallucinate the entire thing. You begin to question yourself, a soft pout on your lips as you make your way down the final place to look for her.

But of course, you finally find her leaned up against one of the hallways, and of course it’s completely lit up red.

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth as you smile, making you way towards her. Once you’re standing in front of her, you expect her to take off the mask, show her who it is that’s hiding behind that silly mask.

But she doesn’t

You giggle softly, your hand toying with the hem of her shirt as you stare up at her with big doe eyes.

“You gonna show me the pretty face you’re hiding under that mask?” You purr out, and the ghost face simply shakes her head. It makes you pout, tugging at her shirt gently as you lean into her a bit, but still keeping your body a ways away from hers.

“But…how am I supposed to talk to you if I can’t see you” you whine, hoping that this little pouty act will get you what you want. It usually does, but this ghost face seems far too stubborn for that. She simply cocks her head to the side, as if clicking her tongue and mocking your pout.

It makes your pussy flutter with need.

She hasn’t even said anything to you, but you’re already squeezing your legs together, eager for some kind of friction to soothe the ache between your legs, your lips rubbing together with the arousal that grew with each passing second.

You hum softly, your latex clad fingers running down her arm, reaching her tattoo and tracing the pattern gently.

Hm…you don’t recall that one.

She gives you her arm with ease, allowing you to see her tattoo, that makes you smile softly.

“This is pretty…” you hum before you look back up at her, biting your plush bottom lip softly. “Are there anymore for me to find?” You question, giving her a playful smile. This one gets her, because you can hear the way her breath shudders, see the way her chest rises and falls for a moment.

She’s right where you want her.

You hum softly, your hand slowly coming up to the mask, eyeing her closely as you gently begin pushing it up, eager to see her face. You flinch when she grabs your wrist, stopping you from lifting it up any further. You pout again, it’s genuine this time, not like before. A soft huff leaves your lips before you open your mouth to complain, tell the girl that if she doesn’t want to show you her face, you’ll leave to find someone else who will.

But before you can, you’re being tugged into a random bedroom.

Upon entering, you can see why this place is the spot was so popular for parties. The rooms are clean, and the host went as far as to decorate them accordingly, the same red lights from the hallway lighting up the place. If you weren’t so hellbent on getting fucked by the ghost face, you’d most certainly be gushing over what a wonderful party host this was.

Your thoughts are completely cut off by strong arms wrapping around your waist, and pulling you into an even stronger chest. It makes you moan softly, your head falling back against her chest. You feel her strong hands running up and down your latex clad body, squeezing your hips, your boobs, running along your thighs. You can hear her breathing behind you, and you can almost hear the sweet tone of her voice through it.

You let out a small whine, one of your hands coming down to lay over hers, keeping her close to you. “Wanna play with you…” you hum softly, it makes your ghost face groan, her hands squeezing your plush body before she turns you around, and pushes you onto the soft bed.

It makes you giggle softly, your hands running along the soft sheets as you watch her. She looks like a god above you, standing so tall, the ghostly mask almost haunting as she eats you up with her eyes, head cocked to the side as you lazily smile up at her.

You move to prop yourself up onto your hands, palms pressing into the bed, your legs spreading for her. “So…you’re leaving the mask on, huh? Does that make me the helpless victim?” You pout out, holding back a giggle as you recite the lines from the movie the mask came from. It earns a slow nod from your ghost face, and you have to hold back a moan.

“Well…please play with me ghost face…I wanna be yours tonight” you purr out, your body sitting up as you reach forward, your fingers snagging around the belt loop of her jeans and pulling her closer.

You hear a soft sigh from behind the mask, and it almost sounds like she’s suffering, like she’s torturing herself just as much as she’s torturing you by not touching you yet. Her strong hand slowly comes up, cupping your chin gently and angling your head up, her thumb dragging across your bottom lip. You moan softly, kissing her finger gently, it makes her groan again.

She slowly moves down, bending down until her hands are pushed against the bed, caging you in. It makes you crawl backwards, a soft whimper leaving your lips. When she’s this close, backing you up onto the bed, you can catch a glimmer of her eyes beneath the mesh material of the eyes of the ghost. You can see her long lashes, and big green eyes. It makes your pussy throb desperately.

Because fuck, you’ve never seen eyes that pretty before.

You almost done catch her hands reaching down between you, pushing into the tight material of your latex shorts, fingers pressing against your soaked core. You’re so desperate for her, that the small act makes you moan softly, eyes fluttering shut as you grind your hips against her fingers. You can tell she’s skilled just by the way she fingers your clit and rubs you slowly, the right fabric of your shorts making it an even tighter fit.

“Fuck…” you hear softly from behind the mask, and it’s the first time you’ve properly heard her voice, it makes you feel like you can cum right then and there.

You blink softly as you stare into her eyes, watching her as she slowly toys with your pussy, making you whine and moan for her from the small motions of her fingers.

“Mmpph…feels…fuck…your fingers…” you moan softly, feeling yourself growing close just from the way she rubbed your throbbing clit. Your hand goes down to her tattooed arm, grabbing it as she begins to speed up. You whine loudly, your back arching as you grind in tow with her movements, and fuck…you’re so close, you feel like you’re going to explode just from a stranger finger fucking you.

And suddenly, her fingers are gone.

“W-what? Why’d you…why’d you stop” you whimper softly while trying to catch your breath, watching as your ghost face began to tug your shorts off. You whine softly with embarrassment, watching as she silently tugged your shorts off, a string of your arousal connecting you to your shorts. You can’t remember the last time you were this wet.

Your ghost face groans softly, mumbling something under her breath that you don’t quite catch. You open your mouth to say something, but you’re quickly being tugged up into her arms as she lays down on the bed.

Now you’re straddling her lap, your bare core dragging along her jeans as her strong hands massage your thighs. You whine softly, because you can feel the prominent bulge pressing against you through her pants. Her hands go to your hips, forcing you to grind your soaking wet pussy against her crotch, your arousal staining her black jeans, making you burn from the inside out.

You moan loudly, your hands pressing against her lower stomach as you watch the way she slowly grinds you down on her as she pleases. You’re eager, so you’re already undoing her belt and unbuttoning her jeans. You almost expect her to stop you, but she doesn’t, and you’re pulling out her pink strap, the length of it making your mouth water.

If you weren’t so fucking horny, the color would’ve made you giggle, but there’s no time for that. You tug her jeans down a bit more, to which she lifts her hips up to help you, and you begin to crawl up her body slightly until you’re hovering over her length, her hand grabbing the shaft as she runs it along your lips, getting it wet with your arousal before she helps you sink down on it.

The moan you both let out is past pornography, the weight of you pushing down her strap rubs against her clit perfectly, and she’s sure she’s never experienced someone riding her so fucking well. The sound of her pretty voice makes you want to cry, because she’s been teasing you so much that you’ll take just about anything she gives you. You begin to bounce on her length slowly, adjusting to her size, your hands pressed against her chest to act as leverage.

“Oh my…fucking god….mmmhhh…a-ah!” You moan out, eyes fluttering shut as you ride her, back arching as your hands go up into your hair, tugging on it, needing somewhat of an outlet to release the pleasure you were feeling. Your senses were on overload, and you weren’t sure if it was the build up of not knowing who the hell you were fucking, or if it was truly that good, but you’re sure you’ve never had a fuck this good in your entire life.

“Fuck…that’s a good fucking girl…bouncing on my cock so well…yeah…that’s it” the voice makes you moan loudly, your eyes opening immediately. She sounds perfect, her voice low and smooth, strong hands gripping your thighs for a moment before they come down on your ass, spanking you hard and making you moan even louder.

You can practically hear the smirk in her voice when she speaks, her voice dripping with lust as you fuck your self down onto her cock. “Haven’t even seen my face and you’re doing all of this for me…treating me special, pretty girl?” She hums out before moaning loudly with you. You can’t help but nod, slowly feeling yourself becoming dumb on her cock.

“S’good…feels so good…I’ll do anything for you” you moan out almost incoherently, saying just about anything that comes to mind in that moment.

As you continue bouncing on her cock, the motions of it all makes her mask come up a bit, and you catch a glimpse of her plush pink lips tugged beneath her pretty teeth. It makes you whine softly, and you realize you can’t fucking do this anymore.

You reach forward, your hand going to the edge of the mask, and you tug it off of her head.

You feel like you’ll lose your breath, keel over and die at that very moment when you see her, because she’s so fucking pretty. Her brown hair is so messy, soft fringe splayed across her face, prettiest freckles littering her red cheeks, those same green eyes staring into yours, pretty lips tugging into a smirk when she sees the way your eyebrows furrow with pleasure, knowing that it was her face that made you feel that way.

“Just couldn’t wait, could you?” She smirks softly, her words followed by a soft groan, hands traveling up your body and gripping your boobs that were nearly completely spilled out of your top.

“Want you to cum for me, princess…can you do that? Cum all over my cock?” She urges on, her words cut off by various moans as you continue fucking yourself down on her. You want to speak, but you can’t, so all you do is nod eagerly and give her a loud moan, feeling the familiar warmth building up in the pit of your stomach, electricity traveling through your body.

Ellie moans with you, her eyes never leaving yours as she gives you an encouraging nod. “That’s it baby…such a pretty fucking girl…been watching you all night…knew I needed to…fuck…have you…come on baby…cum for me” she commands, and you feel like you’ll turn into jelly just from the way she tells you to do it, so stern, your legs felt like they could no longer hold you up, shaking as your back arched almost painfully, and your orgasm raked through your body.

It was electrifying, the feeling of her cock sliding so deep into you, your walls fluttering around it as you came, her hands gripping your hips tightly as she pushed even deeper into you, her own orgasm visibly washing over her as she pushed her head further into the bed, eyes squeezing shut, curse words flying from her pretty lips.

You both sat there for a moment, Ellie sitting up and pressing her face against your chest as she held you close, hands rubbing against your thighs, soft kisses against your boobs, giving both you and herself a moment to collect yourselves after the intense session you’d just had.

After a few moments passed, you pouted softly as you looked down at the bed and noticed some of the red body paint had smeared onto the bed.

“Fuck…you don’t think the host will be mad about that…do you?” You mumbled softly, trying to avoid the embarrassment you felt at the fact that your fucking costume had ended up screwing you over.

Ellie chuckled softly as she looked down at the bed, humming softly as she pressed another kiss to your chest before she pulled you down to lay down with her, having every intention of keeping you there until enough people left, and you could both go for a shower.

“Nah…I don’t mind” she smirked softly, knowing she’d most definitely be making sure the sheets were changed for you both in the morning.

[cringe--is--dead]

Nekoma x Reader; manager!reader

You Won’t Be Alone

“You need to join a club— something. Anything!”

Your parents' concerns rang loud in your head. It wasn’t your fault you had to move schools in the beginning of your second year. You had friends, you had clubs and things you participated in. Now you had nothing. A few friendly classmates, sure, but that was all.

Clubs were almost entirely filled at this rate anyways, and anyone that was still accepting members meant you had to go meet new people who already formed their own groups. You’d be the outcast, more than you already felt like you were.

Idly, you kicked at a rock that was laying on the ground beneath your feet; you were trying to kill time, hoping to brainstorm some solution before you made your way home.

The art club? There were some mediums you were decent at, but you also saw some of the showcases from other students— safe to say that club had some artists that would most definitely be studied in the future.

What about the literature club? While you enjoyed reading, something about reading at school made the notion far less fun. Not to mention you had met the club leader earlier that month, and while nice, she was intimidating.

Grumbling to yourself, you stopped walking, leaning against one of the building's walls, watching birds fly overhead. They cawed at each other, and the group in the sky made you feel more alone.

Great, you mused, jealous of birds now.

Your thought process was interrupted, rather sharply, as you watched a ball come flying out of the building you had been leaning against. Lucky for you, you were nowhere near the door— the speed at which the ball hit the dirt would have definitely bruised you.

Pushing forward, you decided to be a decent person, picking the ball up and moving slowly to the open gym door. You hadn’t made a point to pay attention to any of the teams your school had, not out of disdain but mostly fear.

If you showed any interest your dad would definitely force you to partake in some way.

“Um,” You stopped at the entrance of the door, holding the ball tightly in your arms, watching as the people before you continued moving.

Volleyball.

One of the people, one of the coaches you supposed, noticed you, coming over to retrieve the ball.

“Thank you,” He spoke softly, smiling at you, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses, “They’ve been a bit overzealous lately.”

You nodded, handing the ball over, your eyes drifting back to those practicing.

You recognized one of them, some of them were in your year.

Fukanaga Shohei. You and he weren’t close by any means, but he was funny.

“They’re good, aren’t they?”

The coach's voice made you jump, cheeks flushing as you realized you had been staring.

“Oh— I’m sorry!” You turned, bowing in an apology, “I just…”

He smiled at you, “I’m coach Naoi.”

You introduced yourself, “Second year. I actually just transferred here a few weeks ago.”

“I hope the school’s been treating you well.”

You smiled, “No complaints yet.”

“Oi, Naoi!” The pair of you turned, the older coach having caught on to his assistant being distracted, “Care to invite your guest in?”

His shouting caused the team to look over, a lul in their practice as they took in the presence of an outsider. Your face felt like it was on fire.

“Oh— no! I’m so sorry! I was just returning a ball!”

Naoi chuckled, “One second,” He turned to you, eyebrow raising slightly, “You can come watch if you want.”

“I— I wouldn’t want to impose,” You crossed your arms, still feeling the gaze of the team on you.

“Are we getting a manager?” The question sounded more like a shout, and one of the members clutched his chest rather dramatically, “Take that Karasuno!”

“If you don’t scare her off with your shouting,” He either hadn’t heard the dig aimed at him or didn’t care.

Cautiously, you removed your sneakers, sock covered feet against the floor beneath you as you followed behind coach Naoi, keeping your gaze lowered.

“Well?” The older coach turned his attention back to his team, “Get on with it! Yamamoto, get up.”

You took a seat next to him, shoes laid across your lap, bag pressed close to your calves.

“Coach Nekomata,” He introduced himself to you, barely taking his attention from his team, “You join any clubs yet?”

“Oh, uh,” You swallowed, your throat suddenly dry, “No. Not yet. I haven’t found a good fit yet.”

“Lev, your receives still suck.”

“Yaku!”

You focused your attention forward, watching as the taller guy, one you somehow hadn’t noticed yet, got scolded, his shoulders drooping into himself.

“You have any interest in volleyball?”

You side eyed the man, his posture relaxed and unbothered, and you heard Naoi sigh from your other side.

“I… think it’s an interesting sport.”

“Oh?” He sounded amused, “Just interesting?”

You watched the balls fly around the court, people yelling out praises or playful insults at one another, “Yeah. Only ever seen it on TV a few times.”

“Hm,” He nodded, saying nothing more.

The three of you lapsed into silence, merely watching as the warmups switched, and you felt yourself losing tension in your body. Watching them was entertaining, the way they played and talked— they made it look fun.

They were all drenched in sweat, heavy breathing, some of their forearms looked red as did their knees. But they were smiling and laughing, though winded they may be.

“Yamamoto, the loudmouth, is right in his own way,” Coach Nekomata’s voice seemed to snap you back to reality, and you turned to look at him curiously, finding his attention already on you, “We could use a manager. Lord knows I could use the help with these hard heads.”

“Kenma, set it up!”

The one that had shouted when you came in was, once again, shouting. You didn’t know how to respond to the coach, so you turned, watching as the one with longer dyed hair set the ball, and the loudmouth, Yamamoto, went running forward.

He jumped, and in a split second, hit the ball over the net, the sound echoing in the gym, and you swore you felt the air from the ball move your hair.

“Woah,” You almost whispered the simple praise to yourself, unaware of the smug look on Coach Nekomata’s face, and the bemused one on Coach Naoi’s.

You licked your lips, turning away from where Yamamoto was singing his own praises, “Would I learn?”

You clarified, “If I… became a manager. I’d have to learn how volleyball works, first. Then how to actually be a good manager. I— I don’t have experience with either of those.”

Nekomata smiled at you, a kind look on his face, “Our team does one thing best above all else— connecting. If you become our manager, you wouldn’t be learning on your own, you won’t be alone. This I promise.”

You sighed, looking back towards the court. They seemed to be taking a small break, the unnamed members talking and joking, the one who had set the ball was getting his hair messed with, though he looked annoyed, he didn’t move away to stop it.

You won’t be alone.

That sounded… nice.

“How do I apply?”

[cremedensada]

Copycat Yandere whose obsession with you had led them to trying to embody you - your fashion style, your way of speaking, your routine, even the little quirks that you've never even realized you have. But they do, they're always observing - how else would he be able to copy you?

One might argue they're engaging in some identity theft but is it truly a crime when all they're doing is trying to embody the person they adore?

Copycat Yandere who has happily stepped in for your schedules in times where you are either busy, or sick, etc. Your coworkers/friends seem to recall you being with them in hours where you clearly recall not participating in. But maybe it's due to your faulty memory.

Besides, they're so good at pretending to be you that others would never suspect anything wrong.

Copycat Yandere who has developed a love-hate relationship with how people react when they're pretending to be you. They loath the fact your acquaintances don't seem to realize they're talking to someone who isn't you.

But then again, it makes them feel good. They're so good at copying you down to the littlest detail, they know you so well - it's the highest achievement they will only ever accept.

Copycat Yandere who finds out that someone asked you on a date. Delusional to believe no one else could ever be lucky enough to become your equal when they, themselves, couldn't even be half of what you are - even with all the copying and mimicking they've done.

Copycat Yandere who stages a bunch of inconvenience to stop you from going on the date, so they can go in your stead. Your supposed date's eyes light up when he sees them - and a part of them preens, because of course, you deserve nothing else but to be gazed upon like stars in the sky.

But disappointing. The guy doesn't even seem to realize he's not with the person he thought he'd be with.

Copycat Yandere who kills your date in cold blood. He's pathetic, a disappointment, and a lowlife unworthy of your attention.

No one is, not even themselves.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

not meaning to be a bother by mentioning the astrology again, but you're way more right than you think on the connection between astrology and queerphobia/bioessentialism. i've been literally harassed over being a scorpio, people have cut me off, told me and called me all sorts of awful things over it because "scorpios are horrible people and they're murderous bitches and whatever whatever". some of the shit i've been called for being a scorpio is the same shit i was called for being a trans man. there's only a thin layer of difference between calling someone a bitch for being born at a certain time (which they can't control) and calling someone a bitch for being queer (which again, they can't control.) (also, fuck that person who tried to insinuate that you had less of an opinion on queerphobia bc your bisexual. that's literally just them being homophobic, thus proving your point!)

I feel like what a lot of people are missing about my strenuous objection to astrology is that it stems first and foremost from my firm belief that accepting *any* system that claims people have banned in immutable traits because of some aspects of their identity opens the door for all the other systems do that

it's the same reason I'm so aggressively opposed to conspiracies about Taylor Swift's supposed secret queerness, which some folks may already be familiar with via my OTHER huge terrible post. headcanons about one celebrity might be fairly harmless, sure, but any pastime that encourages or outright requires participants to devote time and energy to hunting for "clues" to a mystery that they invented in order to prop up a manufactured version of reality is a BAD pastime that is normalizing incredibly unsafe behavior

[towriteloveontheirarms]

The princess´ favour (Criston Cole x Targtower!Reader)

synopsis: Your love may never be accepted by the people around you, that doesn´t hold you back from expressing it in the privacy of your chambers.

warnings: age gap, kinda forbidden relationship, smut, oral sex (m receiving), afab reader

word count: 1.9k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall @urmomsgirlfriend1 @bucknastysbabe

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

Dividers by me

As a girl you never understood what was so great about tourneys. Sitting beside your mother, flinching away from the raw violence of it all, while your brothers watched with a fascination you had rarely seen them have for anything. However, now as a woman grown, you began to see the appeal. Not for the fighting, but for something entirely else. Or rather someone entirely else. Sitting all the way in the front row of the stands with your brother Aemond, who was just under the age of being allowed to participate himself, watching on as knight after knight gets knocked off their horse. Analysing and talking on and on about what they could have done better, while your eyes solely rested on one knight, sitting on his horse waiting for his turn to most assuredly destroy his opponent. Your knight, as you called him in the secrecy of hidden places in the gardens, empty hallways around the keep and your chambers in the dead of night.

When it is Criston Cole's turn to compete against some knight from the Reach, whose name went in one ear and out the other almost immediately, he rides up to the stands. As his horse comes to a stand, his helmet finds its way under his arm and those dark eyes search for your own.

With a poorly concealed wide smile you lean over the railing. "Ser Criston."

His eyes light up with the way his name sounds falling from your lips and his own lips split into a smile, nodding to you in greeting.

“Your highness. I am sure to win this tourney. Would you do me the honour of doing so with your favour?” His voice carries over the background of excited chatter and knights barking commands at their squires.

Without hesitation you skip over to the small table to grab the ring braided from acacia blossoms to let it down the lance that is safely propped up against his side.

“Good luck, Ser.” You chirp, waiting for him to bow his head ever so lightly and then ride away to take his position. Only then you sit back down by Aemond´s side. The side eye he gives you easily goes ignored, as in the moment he opens his mouth, the horses start to race towards each other.

Of course, Criston ends up successfully knocking his opponent off his horse, having you jump up to applaud him enthusiastically. Along many other Ladies. Yet one look of his beautiful, dark eyes is enough to quell your doubts about his loyalty. It would be your chambers he would be sneaking into later.

“Have I told you how much I hate seeing you get hurt like this?” Your thumbs run over his cheeks to assess the extent of his wounds.

“You have, princess.” Criston smiles up at you, brown eyes watering as you run one of the digits over his busted lip, despite his victory he naturally had taken a few hits himself.

The heavy plates of his armour discarded and the clothes underneath unbuttoned to reveal his muscular chest.

“My apologies.” You mumble upon hearing him suck in a sharp breath.

Criston shifts ever so slightly before he lets you put the washcloth to his skin again, wandering down steadily. When you reach his chest, the backs of your noses brush against each other ever so slightly. Your breath catches in your throat and almost reflexively Criston's fingers twitch against your thigh.

"How are you feeling?" You mumble, still fully concentrated on cleaning his wounds.

"I feel quite alright, now that I have you all to myself." Criston looks at you, the glimpse of something sparkling in his eyes.

"My attention will always be on you only, my sweet knight. My affections will only ever belong to you." You put down the cloth you had used to clean him up and run your hands through his hair, before kissing his forehead.

After that you barely separate until your foreheads rest against each other, noses rubbing against each other playfully, before Criston´s lips find their way onto yours. They lap at each other in tender, languid motions while eager hands run over clothed bodies they had explored a multitude of times before. Still, even if you knew each other’s bodies like the back of your own hand, you would never grow tired of it. In all this time the butterflies never calmed.

In the blink of an eye Criston joins you on the bed, straddling your hips and pushing you onto your back. The world spins around the two of you from the abruptness of the motion, as the rough pad of a thumb traces your jaw line first, before running over your lower lip.

Instinctively your legs wrap around Criston´s hips. Before your lips can seal in another kiss though, you roll the two of you around, to comfortably kneel above the knight with a triumphant teasing smile.

“You have done enough already. Let me reward you for your win.” You whisper against his neck.

The tip of your tongue traces a line down the middle of his chest and abs to the hem of his pants.

On the bed Criston propped himself up on his elbows to look at you better, his breath hitching as you teased just under the material.

“As you wish, princess.” He breathed, hiding a half smile, by biting his lower lip.

You follow this up by pulling his pants and breeches down to his ankles to set the tan hardness free from its confines. The same action makes your mouth water at the thought of what was to follow alone already.

In a matter of moments, you gently take the base of his cock into one hand to lick up the length of the vein on its underside. When the wet muscle reaches the tip, your lips wrap around it eagerly, teasing the weeping slit. Underneath the hand resting on his strong thigh, the tired muscles begin to shake from the teasing actions.

“Princess…” Criston's shuddering voice sounds through the room.

His dark eyes, though half closed, are trained as you give his cock an experimental suck. Taking it in just a bit deeper. As an immediate reaction you can see from the corner of your eyes how the knight’s hands grip the sheets a bit tighter. With a happy sigh at the reaction, you set a comfortable pace. His hips meet your mouth, thrusting up with trembling legs.

After a while his thrusts become harsher, hitting the back of your throat now to elicit the most enticing moans mixed with quiet gagging sounds he had heard from you.

Amid trying to concentrate on breathing through your nose and the view of him vanishing under a veil of tears, the hand on his thigh wanders upwards. Immediately his body trembling turned into a full-on shaking. Your hand barely cups his stones, yet the touch pulls a groan from him, that has the juices from between your legs dripping down your own thighs. The sound is more rousing than anything you had ever heard before. You gently roll them in your palm and the knees on either side of your shoulders tighten abruptly and Criston´s hips push off the bed and into your mouth on their own volition.

“So good… I don´t think I am able to hold back much longer.” The cries of pleasure from his lips grow louder, uncaring of who outside the door might hear them.

The tip of the knight’s length slips past the back of your mouth and into your throat to make you gag. The wet sound fills the room for a moment followed by sputtering and panting, as you desperately gasp for air. At the same time, you never stopped pumping his hard cock.

The quick motions and have his body shaking uncontrollably, even more so when you put your lips to his big sack, placing gentle, wet kisses onto it and sucking it into your mouth. The two of you moan in unison. The vibrations again send shocks through Criston’s body, his eyes rolling back into his head and arms underneath going limp, unable to hold him up any longer.

“Please, princess.” The begging whimpers get repeated like a prayer.

You barely manage to separate long enough from laving affection onto his lower body to answer. “Please what, my sweet knight?”

“I'm so close." Is the desperate, needy whine you get to hear in turn. “Please, I want to finish.”

It's truly adorable how he still asks for permission to let his climax overcome him. Hips trying to hold back from trusting into your hand until you answered his pleads, swollen lips hanging open and a sheen of sweat coating his face.

“Go on then. Paint my face with your seed.” You encourage him, before going back to pay attention to his stones. Your tongue flicks out to play with them, while your hand tugs on the knight’s hardness just a bit faster. The other hand, which rubs circles into his inner thigh again, wanders up just far enough to let one finger put the lightest amount of pressure on the point right behind the sack. The reaction it earns in return is all the bigger.

Criston´s hands fist into the sheets and the groan that breaks free from tightly pressed together lips has you praying that no one would storm into the chambers while Criston does as you have told him. Painting your face with his seed, making you look like one of the women serving in the pillow houses in flea bottom. The ones Aegon would talk about, whenever he wished to upset either you or one of your siblings.

And in the moment, there exists no more beautiful sight in the entire world to your secret lover. You continue pumping his cock until he has nothing more to give and the whimpers from above have turned even more raw and high pitched. For a moment after that you sit back on your haunches to just revel in the glow that shines from Criston after his climax. One finger collects the seed on your face to get it into your mouth.

After that moment of respite, the washcloth is picked right back up and wet again. This time to wipe your face first and the knight's privates afterwards.

But the second you crawl onto the mattress the both of you know that there is not much time left to cuddle. Outside the sun started to set, colouring the sky in all kinds of beautiful shades of red and orange. Alerting you that you would be expected at a dinner in your mother's chambers and Criston needed to go back on post. Perhaps you had taken a bit too long to take care of his wounds, but when your knight’s lips graze yours, his chest still heaving underneath your hand, you can't find it in you to care about any of that. Not as long as he would be lying there with you.

“I do not know what I have done to deserve you, princess. You are too good to me.” He rasps against your lips, noses brushing against each other to make the moment more intimate, as your hands wander over the other´s sides and arms.

“You deserve only the best. I hope you know that.” You answer in a raw voice.

[genderqueerdykes]

i love you so much i love the way u talk abt trans men and our struggles i makes me feel so seen especially bc youre older than me, i want to be understood , keep posting please

THANK YOU !!

i appreciate that. i feel like nobody (aside from some very cool bloggers on here) is advocating for trans men anymore. like unless its a trans man talking about these issues, it just doesn't happen. nobody advocates on our behalf for the most part. everyone just leaves us to the weeds. we have to help each other because most people just don't even understand what trans men and mascs want. like it's absolutely positively insanity inducing

when i was in college, at my pride group, there were just. no conversations about trans men. at all. in fact. at the time i was beginning to realize i was a trans man but i couldn't find support or acknowledgement of transmasculinity anywhere. whenever i would participate in the conferences, and large group meetings for LGBTQ communities in our part of the country... I was forced into queer women's groups. i did not identify as a woman or bigender at that time. i asked them where a female-to-male genderqueer person should go, and they put me in every queer women's group. i was not being considered trans. i was being viewed as a cis butch lesbian.

i was fucking pissed.

i learned the word transgender and what it meant and the example that was given was male to female, which was informative. i heard a lot of things about feminine transition, drag queens, cis gay male culture, bisexuality, pansexuality, and even asexuality. i want you to know that my college's pride group in 2011 - 2012 was more accepting of asexual people than trans men, which is insane for that time frame. i was actually allowed to help with a presentation on asexuality

i had to go online and research trans men, though. there were none to be found in the group that were at least out and able to talk to each other. we were all very stealth and nervous. my long term friends there ended up being gay men, lesbians, and a transfem agender person. i never met a single trans man there. it was heartbreaking.

i am tired of participating in transmasculine silence. i will not participate in self-erasure. trans men are trans. we're men. we're mascs. we NEED support, community, and care. we need to learn how to access transition resources, to comfort each other, to laugh with each other, to help each other find what clothes make us feel like ourselves, to say each other's names and pronouns, to see one's self in the other.

we need people who will protect us from misgendering. we need to be able to talk about our unique issues. we need to be able to talk about how yes, we experience misogyny, but also that transandrophobia is literally a thing. we need people who will stand up for femme trans men and gay trans men. we need people who understand that it's not okay to call every single trans man a confused butch lesbian and assume that they're a queer cis woman. trans men can be butch lesbians and that's okay. but you can't rip away a trans man's manhood for the sake of being a catty asshole. it's misgendering. it's transphobia. care about being transphobic. transphobia hurts all trans people no matter where it's directed. we all lose when you opt to deny trans men and mascs the right to community.

i am transmasculine. i am a trans man. i love being a trans man. i'm not ashamed. i'm not going back in the closet. i love my transmasculine brothers and siblings. i will not silence them. silencing them is a disservice to us all. i refuse to do that to us.

thank you for sending this ask. stay safe, take care of yourself, you're an important part of the LGBTQ community, don't let anyone take that from you.

[chukys-mouthguard]

could you write smut based on slow hands by niall with drysdale!

sundazed

1.6k words

genre: fluff/smut

warnings: 18+ sexual content, minors DNI

featuring: Jamie Drysdale x female reader

Sitting in your lawn chair you watched as Jamie and the boys started up a game of Beer Die. It wasn’t one you knew well, though with how often they played it you would assume you’d have caught on by now. Jamie always would try to explain it to you, but you left this game to the boys. Sticking to beer pong or flip cup if you ever wanted to participate.

As the day had gone on, you’d taken notice of the fact that your boyfriend had discarded his shirt. The sun providing some color to his skin along with a shine of the sweat beads that would occasionally gather on his chest. Sure you had seen Jamie shirtless plenty of times, but maybe it was the heat getting to you or the endless drinks you’d had that was making you look at him with lustful eyes.

Watching as he and the boys continued on with their game, cursing and yelling at one another for breaking the rules. Your eyes glued to Jamie as he remained focused on the game, his drink tight in one hand as he moved around the table. His bicep flexing as he threw the die, your tongue darting to lick your bottom lip as you prayed no one saw you staring. Thankfully your sunglasses could hide your gaze.

The boys were winding down their game and you needed another drink to calm your thirst. Making your way towards them you made sure to steal a kiss from Jamie, your hand tracing over his bicep and then to his chest.

“Hey baby, how are you?”

“I’m in need of another drink, come with me?”

Jamie took your hand as you led the way into the house, heading to the fridge to grab you each a drink. You enjoyed the cool of the air conditioned house, opting to have a seat on the counter adjacent to the fridge. Jamie cracked open your drink as he handed it to you with a smile, accepting it as you took off your sunglasses. Hoping the lustful look from earlier had dissipated.

He noticed your eyes glued to him as you sipped your drink, making him blush under your gaze.

“What, am I really sunburnt? I kept asking Cam to let me know if I should reapply sunscreen.”

You laughed as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands rested on your thighs as he slightly gripped at your skin.

“No, you’re just really hot. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you out there.”

Jamie was always shy when it came to compliments, never fully believing he was as handsome as you said. Or that he was even deserving to be able to call you his girlfriend. But that never stopped you from taking any opportunity to tell him every little thing you loved about him. Or to make him blush with your thoughts about him that plagued your mind.

“Oh really? You sure you’re not just feeling the heat of my sunburn radiating off my skin?”

Throwing your head back you rolled your eyes, “Not a chance. Seeing you out there shirtless, muscles on display, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted to get my hands on you.”

“Is that so?”

His hands traced up your thighs, resting on your hips as his fingers slid past the fabric of your tank top. Tickling at your skin as he bit his lip, awaiting for you to continue telling him all about your thoughts.

“Mhm, been thinking about it all day.”

Jamie squeezed himself between your thighs, pulling your body closer to the edge of the counter as he smirked down at you. Enjoying the idea of you getting hot and bothered watching him outside earlier. Your hands now falling from his neck to his chest and abs, fingers tracing over the outlines of each muscle. He could see in your eyes that you were fighting the urge to show him exactly what you’d been thinking about. Considering you were at a lake house with a handful of other people, it wasn’t exactly a private place to take care of your desires.

“Well, sounds like we should go somewhere you can show me what exactly you’ve been thinking about.”

Your eyes went wide at the idea, Jamie never being the type to be so bold. Certainly not the type to do anything more than kiss you knowing friends were around.

“Jamie, everyone is in and out of the house. There’s no chance we do anything without someone noticing.”

A slight groan left his lips as looked over his shoulder towards the front door, the sounds of another beer die game getting underway telling him that no one would be missing the two of you.

“Guess you’ll just have to keep quiet then huh?”

His hands lifted you from the counter, pulling you into him as he headed for the stairs. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he carried you off to his room, his hands holding tight to the backs of your thighs.

“Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?”

Your fingers tangled into his hair as you stole a kiss from him, Jamie laughing as he turned into the doorway of his bedroom.

“Oh, so I shouldn’t give my baby girl what she’s been wanting all day?”

He laid you down on the bed, you rested back on your forearms as your lustful eyes returned. Not having to undress him much as he stood in front of you only clothed by his shorts.

“Mmm, no, you definitely should. Because I want it bad.”

Jamie raised his eyebrows with a smirk as his hands slowly made their way up your legs, stopping at the waist of your jean shorts. Taking his time as he slowly took care of their button and zipper.

“Is that so?”

You bit your lip as you nodded your head, lifting your hips to help him discard of your shorts. Tossing them to the side as he joined you on the bed, hovering over you as he tucked your hair behind your ear. His hand resting on your cheek as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip.

“Then let’s see how bad you’ve been thinking about this.”

His cocky smirk sending shivers up your spine as he laid down, switching positions as he pulled you on top of him.

Straddling his waist you leaned down to give some attention to Jamie’s neck in the form of kisses. The occasional love bite only to be quickly soothed with a lick of your tongue. Jamie moaned softly at the work you’d done on his neck, moving down to his chest, then his abs. Stopping at the waistband of his shorts, your fingers fumbled with the button and zipper. Trying to control you blush thinking about the fact you’d left the party Jamie was hosting to take care of the thoughts you’d been having about him.

“You know, it’s not nice to laugh when you’re at a man’s crotch.”

Jamie looked down at you, resting on his forearms as he waited for you to continue on.

“I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry.”

With a wink you pulled at the hem of his shorts, Jamie lifting his hips to help. Taking his semi-hard cock in your hand as you began to stroke him, you smirked at the groan that left his lips. The sound like music to your ears as you took him in your mouth, matching the rhythm of your hand to the bobbing of your head.

Jamie’s hands falling to grip your hair as he helped guide you, eventually holding you in place to deepthroat him.

“Fuck, I got you this hot and bothered just by being shirtless playing beer die?”

You chuckled as you pulled your mouth from him, “you always get me hot and bothered baby, no matter what you do.”

Jamie watched as you pulled your tank top over your head, his eyes falling to your breasts as his tongue swept over his bottom lip. Now his eyes were the ones filled with lust, hands roaming your curves as you lifted yourself off his waist, reaching to pull your thong to the side. Jamie reaching around to help guide his cock to your entrance, tracing your slit in the process to tease you.

A moan leaving your lips at the feeling of his teasing as you tried to lower yourself onto him. Jamie loved how eager you were to ride him, lining himself up so you could take all of him.

“Fuck.”

Both of you cursing in unison as you waited to adjust to him before continuing, Jamie’s hands gripping your waist to help guide you. But you took his hands, pinning them on either side of his head as your lips hovered above his.

“I’m supposed to be showing how bad I wanted this, remember?”

Pressing your lips to his you immediately darted your tongue out to push past his lips. Jamie gladly accepting, letting you deepen the kiss as you began grinding your hips against him. A moan coming from him as you found your rhythm, riding him slow. Jamie desperately trying to break his hands free from yours so he could help guide your hips.

“Something tells me you want this just as bad huh? Can’t let a girl have control?”

Jamie bucked his hips up against you in retaliation to your smart remarks, making you fall against his chest. Catching you off guard as his hands broke free from yours. Flipping you over so he was now on top of you, pinning your hands next to your head.

“Babe, as much as I’d love to let you have your way with me and take your time. I don’t trust those assholes to not burn my house down. So can we save the slow hands taking our time for once everyone is gone? I promise I will make it worth the wait.”

[perfectlyoongi]

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who can’t control his sarcasm. for Namjoon, it was all fun: the way you talked about others, how you told your adventures with others, how you praised them — it was so ridiculous, Namjoon just couldn’t take it. oh, of course you loved having breakfast with the other, it wasn’t even at the cheapest cafe in town or anything. it was obvious that you laughed at that story, it was so comical that it could only be invented by a child. Namjoon couldn’t take it, and he was even amazed that you didn’t realize how desperate they all were for your attention — are you sure you aren’t a substitute for the lack of paternal love they felt? “oh, my angel, i’m not saying you have bad taste. what i’m saying is that you have peculiar taste when it comes to partners.”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who knows perfectly well that you don’t deserve those poor souls. you were so much better than any of them. you, your person, your soul, your essence deserved something more true, more lasting, than the mere whims of people who just wanted something from you. none of these people wanted your entirety: no one wanted your messy hair when you woke up, no one wanted your tears from the loneliest nights, no one wanted your darker side, the one you didn’t show to anyone. they all just wanted your smile, your laugh, the persona you were in every social situation. you didn’t deserve to be reduced to a few hours of existence. you lived 24 hours, and during those 24 hours you were divine anyway — they were so blind for not seeing you. “just listen to me. you are an incredible person. you are extremely beautiful inside and out. your personality is divine. you are divine. yea? you with me? good. now they…”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who tells you again and again that you were happier with him. Namjoon only had one argument that he used every time he wanted to ask you to stay with him; it was just a question, simple words that danced on his lips and made you seriously consider whether all your relationships were, in fact, true — after all, why be reduced to a particle of your existence when you could be full next to Namjoon? “i don’t understand why you don’t want me. no, i’m not kidding. i’m very serious. you should give me a chance and see if i’m right.”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who likes to scare away your suitors by holding you by the waist. Namjoon had a special pleasure in seeing the humiliated faces of those who wanted you. when he noticed more sadistic smiles and more absurd conversations, Namjoon would waltz towards you with a smile of pleasure on his lips. intruding into the conversation without any difficulty, and eagerly participating in the discussion, Namjoon would very gently and sneakily hold onto your waist, carefully pulling you closer to him. and with the smile still stuck on his lips and his eyes shining in a light of victory, Namjoon was happy to see everyone else walking away from you with defeated eyes. “but i heard he— hello, darling. how was i saying, i heard he was in spain, is that true?”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who asks why you said “sorry” when refusing others’ advances. ‘i’m with him, sorry’. sorry? sorry? what do you mean sorry? what, you wanted to go with them but you didn’t want to leave Namjoon alone? you wanted to accept their sly conversations but you didn’t want to leave Namjoon aside? sorry? why sorry? why not a simple ‘i’m with him, period.’ i’m with him, that’s all. sorry? no. you couldn’t say sorry. “sorry? what? you want me to leave so you can have some freedom, is that it? if you have so much sorry, you can tell me and i’ll leave now.”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who tells everyone who asks that he is his boyfriend. if you felt sorry for being with Namjoon, it was only logical for him to introduce himself as your boyfriend. i mean, what other reason was there for you to excuse others? yes. Namjoon was your boyfriend. he held your hand, smiled at strangers, always had you with him, he was your boyfriend. i mean, he was a boy and he was your friend, so he wasn’t lying. he was your boy friend. he was your boyfriend. “yes, yes, we are dating. it’s been… how long, darling? two years, right? yea, truly my soulmate, i knew it from the beginning.”

JEALOUS!NAMJOON who explains to you why he was acting like that when you yelled at him. you wanted him to stop for a bit. you wanted him to take a deep breath and let you participate in conversations and events without having to worry about scaring people away. you asked for something simple: just for him to leave you alone. you just asked him to let you live. but how was Namjoon supposed to leave you alone when he knew everyone desired you and no one wanted you? how was Namjoon supposed to let you live when he knew everyone wanted to corrupt you and no one wanted to take care of you? don’t you realize he was just watching over you? “ok, sorry! but it hurts me to see you trying to find a life away from me. don’t you realize that everything i’ve been doing is because i can’t see you with anyone else? don’t you understand that i like you and i’m being honest when i ask you to give me a chance? is this so hard to understand?”