#but you can’t control the autism sometimes LOL

[no1ryomafan]

I’m deeply overthink the fact my interests are obscure that ranking how obscure they are shouldn’t even be a thing given they are all something a normie never fucking heard of HOWEVER I’ve finally concluded the order of my MAIN hyperfixations in “How much of this has a relevant online presence regardless if it debatably has a fandom” is:

Getter>Big O>Kikaider>Casshern>Jeeg

All of the mecha ones aren’t a shock because getter is crucial to the genre, big o is unique that every mecha fan at a point will hopefully have a obligation to check it out, and jeeg is sadly overlooked but we’ve been known.

Kikaider and Casshern I was going back and forth on them especially cause don’t get me wrong there’s still a fuck ton of casshern content online-especially compared to jeeg-but I’ve checked and the fandom for sins is DEAD, anytime I post about it it doesn’t get any buzz at all. Kikaider while the anime version is a bit overlooked the fact it’s known for at least the toku version helps it a bit, because I haven’t been in many Toku circles but it seems like a no brainer to check out. (Also the ishionmori pipeline helps, though jeeg sadly couldn’t get that benefit from being a technical Nagai mecha 💔)

I was mainly torn up about how known Kikaider was given how I never EVER saw it mentioned being a inspiration for mega man yet I always saw casshern mentioned, but I assume it might be due to fandom overlap even if I’ve met a handful of mega man fans who like toku. (Also mm only not counted on the list bc being real here it’s the most active fandom but I don’t fuck with the fandom itself LOL, besides my own corners)

Also if you’re wondering “Meg what about this other show you watched” and I didn’t mention? It likely wasn’t a hyperfixation 💀 (I’m sorry that I’m not a big 3 fan, my feelings about mazinger are complicated and I barely have interest to watch more Gundams after G)

[zoobiefish]

So, I nearly missed out on Auctober again, whoops! I am now 9 days behind, woohoo 😂😅 I’m an Autistic university student, so I may not always have the spoons to commit to this daily challenge, or at the very least I may not be able to draw something for each prompt…I may have to just write a little blurb about what that day’s prompt means to me lol But ideally I would like to contribute as many pieces of art to this challenge as I can! For now though, to catch up on all I’ve missed, I’m going to make individual short blurbs for the prompts I’ve missed thus far:

Day 1: Autism Plus

For myself, in addition to being Autistic, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, EDNOS, and generalized anxiety. I also suspect I may have hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome). Fun stuff!

Day 2: Infinite

The most popular symbol for Autism Spectrum Disorder to my knowledge is a golden infinity ♾ symbol (sometimes I see a rainbow-coloured one in use as well, though my understanding is that the rainbow infinity symbol is used for neurodiversity as a whole). For a long time, the infamous puzzle piece 🧩 symbol was used to represent ASD—but most Autistics HATE this symbol!! I recognize that I don’t speak for all Autistic people, but this is the common opinion on the puzzle piece symbol and the one I share as well: The puzzle piece symbol is problematic because it suggests that Autistic people are inherently “missing a piece” or that we are “a puzzle to be solved.” Plus, this symbol is used by the evil corporation Autism Speaks. I would prefer not to go on a rant right now about why they’re evil; if anyone is curious, I would recommend doing research on why Autistic people HATE Autism Speaks. But the short version is that they support eugenicist policies around Autism and seek to eradicate us from existence. They treat us as non-humans under the guise of doing “charity work”—they are absolutely NOT a charity. Do NOT support Autism Speaks under any circumstances—any supporter of Autism Speaks (or as most of us spell it, “Autism $peaks”), is NO friend of mine!

Day 3: AuDHD

This is a fun little term I’ve seen in the Autism and ADHD communities! It’s a portmanteau of “Autism” and “ADHD” in case it wasn’t obvious heh! I myself do have AuDHD; it’s a very common comorbidity! It’s certainly…an interesting experience because the two often conflict with each other, as if I have 2 wolves fighting within my brain 🤪

Day 4: Music

Music is one of my favourite coping mechanisms. If I’m understimulated or need inspiration (especially for art or writing), I’ll put on some fun, energetic music to get the juices flowing and will dance and/or pace around the room to get the energy out of my system! If I’m overstimulated, relaxing videogame soundtracks are often my go-to—especially music from The Legend of Zelda, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing etc. Another aspect of my being on the spectrum is that my thoughts are very vivid and visual. Often times when I hear music, I can’t help but see colours, shapes, images, and even stories with characters and whatnot going along to the music. It gives me great ideas for animatics and artwork! I love this fun little bonus feature in my brain haha 😛

Day 5: Verbose

This one is rather interesting for me. I find when I feel safe around a person or I have just TOO much energy to control myself, I WILL talk—and talk—and talk—etc. I feel so bad for those who fall victim to my “infodump sessions”—but just know that if I do that to you, it’s my way of showing affection. If I talk and never seem to shut up around you…I probably really like you (platonically) 😁 Other times however, I am dead silent. This is usually around people I’m uncertain of, don’t know well enough, or I may just be burntout/too tired to talk 😅

Day 6: Individuals

As the saying goes: If you’ve met ONE (1) Autistic person, then you’ve met ONE (1) Autistic person! We are NOT a hivemind, people!! Just because I’m not like your “friend’s cousin’s aunt’s 3-year-old stepson” doesn’t mean I’m “not Autistic.” The stereotype with Autism is a white cishet dude—but we are just as diverse a population as any other demographic. We all have our differences and similarities, but we are unified in our shared diagnosis—and that’s it!

Day 7: Neuroscope

Ah yes, the “superpower” Autistic people seem to have in which we can all “sense each other” 😂😂😂 I find this to be scarily accurate actually—the majority of the people I’ve become friends with at uni turned out to be Autistic, and long before they mentioned they were on the spectrum I was able to tell. The funniest part though is that they all the said same thing about me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Day 8: Non-Speaking

So of course Autism is a spectrum, and among the ways in which Autistic people can differ from one another is whether we possess the ability to verbally speak or not. I do not want to talk in length about what being “non-speaking” means as I am not non-speaking myself and don’t wish to talk over those who are. What I do know though is that some of us are unable to verbally speak and may use alternative methods to communicate (whether through the use of sign language, AAC devices, or other means), which are equally valid methods of communication that deserve to be respected. Once again, I must iterate that I am fully capable of verbal speech and I am in no way non-speaking myself. That being said, sometimes I do have a reduced capacity to speak or feel it takes far more physical effort to speak when I am tired, stressed, overwhelmed, in sensory overload, or in the midst of a shutdown. This does NOT mean I am non-speaking—that label is exclusively for Autistic individuals who cannot verbally speak at all. I’m not sure what the proper terminology is for my specific situation (if anyone knows of it, I’d appreciate if you let me know in the comments!) but because of these situations, I am currently trying to learn ASL so I can still communicate in some way during these episodes.

And that’s it for now! I am hoping to have a drawing done by the end of today for Day 9, but we shall see! In the meantime, check out @autiebiographical on Tumblr! They are the one who started Auctober in the first place to my knowledge and they create amazing comics and other content that educates people on Autism Spectrum Disorder! Happy Auctober y’all!

[flowerwings]

I LOVE THE WAY THEY DON’T GIVE UP!

lyrics from “CARTOON NETWORK” by black dresses

roleplay blog ran by @breakfastsnail & @freshpyrope

click below for more information ! :)

about 🪽

this is an ask/roleplay blog of the character “purple” from AVM/AVA

usually i will draw art alongside an ask, but not always

asks are very appreciated! other roleplay blogs can also interact, as i love roleplaying with others. (doubles / other purples are encouraged as well)

no amount of ask sending is too much, my inbox will probably always be open except when on hiatuses

THIS IS A HEAVILY HEADCANONED VERSION OF PURPLE. like, EXTREMELY. to the point he is basically my oc now type of levels. if that’s a turn off from interacting, perfectly fine! but please don’t spread hate

in character information 🪽

the character purple has a name, which is “iris”, kind of like how the fandom calls king “mango”

in this roleplay, iris is around 15-17

i hc iris to be a trans masc bisexual that is heavily feminine in nature, using he/she for the majority of the time

i like all ships involving purple :) (EXCEPT MANGO or ANY ADULT REALLY). polyam and other variants of ships are welcomed!

appearance wise, purple has long, darker purple hair tied in a braid with a couple of scars along her body. shes small and fast, with wings that are attached to her spine. (there is lore implications for that)

my interpretation of purple is that she has autism, ocd, and DID. (coming from a person who has all three) (i’ll talk more about the DID stuff as the blog continues)

if you have any questions about him, don’t be scared to ask! i’ll update this section a lot probably, so check up with it sometimes lol

out of character information 🪽

hi my names kirby! im 17, and have been making roleplay blogs for years now

i decided to make one of my heavily canon divergent version of “purple” for funnsies! i don’t really expect a lot of interaction, but i thought it’d be fun to play with

i don’t really have any specific boundaries as long as you have common sense and basic etiquette

also i don’t have a DNI, i can’t control who sees my blog, but just know if your bigoted in any fashion i will block you!

tags / organization 🪽

[ purple time ] - in character

[ ooc time ] - out of character

[ wilted iris ] - angst tag

[ kerfuffle fun ] - shit posts

[ asks away ] - ask tag

[ pretty pictures ] - art tag (for personal use of art posting)

content warnings 🪽

this blog will contain discussions of past abuse, manipulation, s/h, and more to updated with. if that is discomforting, please feel free to opt out. do know though that each post containing it will be tagged accordingly

(let me know if i need to add a tag to a certain post in case i didn’t tag it correctly in a way that blocks it from viewing)

[devilsskettle]

okay can i say something. it is actually very troubling to me that adhd is considered a “trendy” diagnosis, people were saying it was over-diagnosed when i was a child (including doctors which was why i was never assessed as a child despite my parents and multiple teachers having concerns that i showed symptoms but w/e) but now it’s only gotten worse with how it’s talked about on the internet and i think on one hand it’s this boogeyman threat that all kinds of kids are self diagnosing just out of like some kind of ego or clout thing or as an excuse to be lazy which i actually don’t think is what’s happening but also i do think a lot of people are pathologizing behaviors that are within the spectrum of “normal” neurotypical behavior and attributing them to autism or adhd (and not even distinguishing between autism or adhd anymore? like it’s one thing to apply an umbrella term of neurodivergence but what is an “audhd” trait like i feel like i understand where that idea came from wrt solidarity among people with overlapping symptoms or people who are diagnosed with both but it has gotten out of hand i believe. i can hardly find anything in internet spaces about adhd specifically, it’s all about general neurodivergence or actually just autism even though it’s being tagged as #adhd for exposure like???? that’s not helpful lmao and don’t even get me started on casually using “the tism” as a way to describe AGAIN just basically normal neurotypical behaviors that people find cringe arbitrarily or like. having interests lol). but anyway it’s again like the same thing that happened with depression and anxiety, people were trying to actually make progress and destigmatize those disorders so that people could have better access to treatment and not feel ashamed for something they can’t control about how their brain works but then people decided it made you more interesting so then a lot of people say they have mental health issues (and many do! i don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experience but i also have to recognize that being depressed and/or anxious WAS something that people propped up for clout or something idk) but then there’s still so much judgment for severe symptoms and how it affects people’s lives like as soon as you say it’s hard to take care of yourself, it’s hard to shower and brush your teeth, it’s hard to do anything because it’s hard to care about anything, it’s like nooooo you’re just not trying hard enough! i’m depressed and i get up at 5 am every day and do a 3 hour workout, shower, and eat a full breakfast, pack a full lunch, go to my 9-5, come home and read an entire book and cook a whole dinner and wash all the dishes and do laundry, then go to bed at 8 pm! if i can do it so can you!! actually you just need to buy the right products so you can be happy because that’s what all the health wellness fitness influencers are selling these days. anyway i think now we’re all bored of depression and anxiety because those aren’t they “actually bad” mental illnesses, those are the mental illnesses that everybody already has so you can’t get clout or sell anything to people anymore based on a mood disorder, you have to have a personality disorder or be neurodivergent to REALLY be suffering and therefore interesting (btw if being depressed or anxious affects your life in any way we will beat you to death with hammers). and it sucks because the things they tell you when they decide you don’t have adhd when you think you probably have adhd are TRUE like everybody finds some things difficult and tedious, everybody runs a little behind schedule sometimes, everybody struggles to keep up on their responsibilities, but we all have to do what we’re supposed to do because we’re adults and excuses aren’t gonna cut it anymore. but when you go but wait i think my inability to do certain things is really holding me back in my life and everyone else seems to be able to do these things (even if they “don’t want to do them” they still can do them with far less effort than it seems to take me?) they go hahaha you stupid little girl,

(character limit paragraph break) you’re actually just stupid and lazy and also so very stupid for thinking you have some magical special thing wrong with your brain that makes you bad at things, you just need to try harder like hmmmm where have i heard that one before. oh yeah when i was ripping up my legs every night of my teenage life because i wanted to kill myself without having to kill myself and nobody cared that i was sad because everyone was sad and everyone wanted to kill themselves how dare you want anyone to give a shit don’t you know that they’re more sad than you? it’s not a competition though don’t invalidate anyone else’s feelings!! until you finally have to admit what’s happening and go to a doctor and when antidepressants aren’t helping like you need them to it’s just why don’t you get a job! why don’t you have a job yet! i’m obviously the only person in the whole world who has told you that you need to get a job, i’m very smart i’m a doctor and i diagnose you with not trying hard enough. you’re depressed because you don’t have routine, all those years of your life when you were depressed within the structure of school were a fluke, lack of routine is actually the problem. yeah i’m sooo sure. anyway i guess i just feel like it’s so obvious to me that i have been depressed, it’s so obvious to me that i have adhd, i have a family history of it, i have a personal history throughout my childhood of adults recognizing symptoms, i am experiencing real concrete symptoms with real concrete consequences, i am so scared that i will not be able to have a good or even just livable life if i can’t get this under control, but i’m so EMBARRASSED that i might be “self diagnosing” and i’m wrong and i’m trying to make myself feel more special or give myself an excuse to be a fuck up and i’m just another dumb gen z girl falling for all the terminally online misinformation bullshit, and even if i’m not, other people will see me that way including doctors who i have had bad experiences with already about being very unkind and dismissive wrt my mental health concerns. IF they don’t see me as a drug seeker first which to be fair i don’t think i would give that impression upfront but i have had a history of substance abuse that might not look good if they knew about that and a big part of why i’d want to be diagnosed is so that i could be medicated but you can’t actually say that because then they think you just want to get high. i’m done with my pill popping phase i promise!!! but if i’m not being medicated then that means i will just have to brute force my way through my symptoms until i burn out again which is what i do anyway.

and the other thing is whenever i tell people i feel like this they’re always just like nooooo i don’t think so. i don’t get that vibe from you. like okay thank you doctor for that astute observation that i don’t have the “vibe” of an actual disorder. is it perhaps because i am quiet and soft spoken? is it because i try really really hard not to show any unpalatable emotions in public and lie constantly to make it seem like i have my shit together? is it because i spend all my energy on the things that other people can see and judge while my own space at home and personal responsibilities constantly fall to the wayside? is it because i seem smart and you think people with adhd are dumb? i actually feel dumb, really fucking dumb, all the time, and despite people telling me that i “seem smart” they treat me like i’m fucking dumb anyway so what is the truth.

anyway this isn’t anything i haven’t felt for years and years but every time i am facing the real possibility of failure, every time i am scrambling for a solution to a situation i put myself in again, every time i miss out on chances to do something fun or just take a break from all the work and all the busyness of my life rn because i still have work that i need to do that should’ve been done already, it all comes back up because i can’t decide if it really is just my fault and i’m fucking stupid and lazy and evil, or if there actually is something wrong with my brain and i could get help for it and not everyone feels this way so someday i might not have to either or at least i can understand why i do, or a combination of both like yeah it’s my fault but i shouldn’t feel as bad about it as i do because there is actually something wrong with me also and i just have to work a little bit harder than other people. but it’s hard when it’s like. do i actually have to work harder than other people or do i just want an excuse for not doing better? but also like my mom was very successful in her life without being diagnosed with adhd until she was in her 60s so regardless of whether or not i also have adhd, i really am a lazy piece of shit because i can’t do what she did. but. also. i’m bad at school that doesn’t necessarily mean i’m bad at everything in the whole world. sigh idk idk maybe before my last semester starts i can get evaluated? but it’s embarrassinggggg like if i do have adhd then i have to do something about it and that’s its own can of worms especially since there’s medication shortages and all of that but if i don’t have adhd then i’m just stupid and lazy and WRONG like damn i really don’t want to be told that i’m wrong but if i’m so attached to the idea of having adhd then how can i know that i’m thinking about it clearly without bias? i’ve gone back and forth about this so many times though like at some point i need to do something about it. but anyway i think it’s a really unfortunate time in our culture to be thinking about trying to address suspecting that you have adhd when people are so predisposed to thinking you’re faking it or delusional or too online or something. like i can’t even imagine going to get evaluated without upfront having to tell the doctor hey. i don’t trust you. i think you’re going to fuck me over. i feel defensive because i feel like you’re going to judge me or dismiss me completely but i’m going to be 100% honest with you about my experiences hoping that i’m wrong about you. i want to believe that you want to help me, i want to believe you have no external motivations other than trying to figure out what’s going on with me, your patient, as an individual, not as part of some kind of internet trend, but as someone who is facing challenges and wants to find the tools to address them. and i really really really want that to be the case for real if i spend all kinds of time and energy to get into an evaluation i want it to have some payoff in my life even if they have to point me in a different direction

and before you ask YES i’m procrastinating something right now, YES i’m actually procrastinating multiple things, YES some of those things are pretty important and may have real consequences in my life, but YES i am sitting here writing this stupid post instead. and YES when i am done writing this, the shame of wasting so much time writing this will probably shame my brain into focusing on something that i need to get done but YES i need to completely finish this thought before i can do anything else. yes i am deeply embarrassed that this is how my brain works but this is literally why i think i have adhd i’m not trying to get out of doing this because i have adhd i’m not gonna be telling my professor or anybody that my shit is late again because i have adhd because for all intents and purposes on paper i do not have adhd and i would not be trying to wriggle out of this assignment anyway but alas i do think there’s an explanation for why this pattern exists in my life but again i’m not telling anybody but the void maybe someday i can look back at these vent posts and know that i’m not actually crazy or stupid but then again crazy and stupid people typically don’t think they’re crazy or stupid either, right? whatever maybe i should just give up. quit school quit my job stop talking to my family live off the grid and die without ever having to think about this stupid shit ever again

[saturn-sends-hugs]

Fuck it, I’m seeing a lot of talk about Echo being a picky eater recently and I think I want to add my two neurodivergent cents to it lol

Firstly, I think it’s important to note that Echo is autistic. I know this hasn’t been stated anywhere or anything, but listing out his character quirks makes it pretty clear.

He repeats orders, arguing with his batch when they don’t follow them, and worries about doing things wrong. This feels like a safety thing to me, almost like telling kids in class to be quiet when the teacher is talking for no other reason than it feels right and them breaking rules is stressful. (can you tell I’m speaking from experience cause this whole post will be me speaking from experience bkshsjsks)

He reads and memorizes the reg manuals, liking to be caught up on the latest versions. Again, this feels like a safety thing; him wanting to know how things will work ahead of time so he can be prepared in every situation.

He doesn’t like being wrong, like when we see him refusing to back down on thinking the Seperatists Senator’s distress call is a trap (Avi Singh I think?). Even when the evidence starts poking holes in his theory, he doesn’t want to let it go. I’m not sure how to explain how this relates to autism other than that fact that autistic people just don’t like being wrong? Like it’s just hard to admit that and it’s almost scary to change your mind like that sometimes? Idrk honestly, I’m DEFINITELY not an expert lol, just saying my piece

So many of Echo’s character quirks relate directly to autism, and all of them are things I strongly relate to. (yes this is why he’s my favorite shush)

But most of all is his picky eating. And uh, this might actually get a tad heavy here but I hope this can maybe share an accurate perspective on it?

Many autistic people are fairly picky eaters, something I’ve definitely struggled with since I was born. We see Echo being skeptical of food multiple times, especially when they’re new to him. We see him eating rations bars, which would be familiar, without a second thought, but new things he’s extremely hesitant to try.

With that in mind and the headcanon (kinda) that he’s autistic, this sounds a lot like ARFID to me.

ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is tricky to describe since there’s nothing conscious to it, its just somewhat of a mental hurdle? Like there’s a point you just can’t cross no matter what, a bit like ADHD and executive dysfunction, expect a lot stronger lol. It’s pretty much just picky eating to the extreme that a person cannot control and just makes your choices extremely limited when it comes to food.

This makes it difficult (ahem, impossible) to do seemingly basic things like trying absolutely any new foods. There are a few safe ones, maybe even a category of foods that are almost completely safe (for me: most deserts or fruits), but anything outside of that is different, it’s new, and it does not feel safe. When I say picky eating to the extreme, I mean extreme. If I’m literally starving, haven’t eaten in way too long, but the only things available aren’t safe foods? Well too bad guess I’m not eating today 🤷 It’s not much of a choice, it’s just being trapped by your own neurodivergent brain 🫠🫠🫠

It can feel childish and incredibly alienating to constantly turn down new foods or restaurants, or to order the same thing every time from a restaurant, off the kids menu or with special requests, and I just think that piece is being missed in Echo’s picky eating. Now I’m not telling anyone to stop making it a humorous thing cause it totally is in the show, but hey, I’m always here for the angst potential :)

Like what if the reason Echo still looks malnourished after joining the batch is because his safe foods like typical rations just aren’t readily available after the Empire springs up? What if the batch is on shore leave and decide to go to a restaurant and Echo has to either turn them down and explain, or force himself to go and try to tough it out? What if one of the batch makes a joke about Echo’s picky eating, just trying to make conversation or something, but Echo just fully shuts down? Maybe even Domino would joke about it at first, until Fives learned better and started helping Echo, but uhoh now he’s gone and Echo has to figure things out all over again with a new batch 🥲

Is this a fictional character that was grossed out by foods like two times and I’m just heavily projecting onto? Yeah, sure, but hey, I’d love to see more people recognizing this side of it and maybe connecting with it too :)

@gentle-hero-blog thanks for letting me sob abt this literally the minute u got home bkshsjskk <3333

[average-emo-enigma]

If anyone has autism or an interest in autism/pyschology and wants to try to diagnose me here are my symptoms/lack of symptoms:

Fyi I literally cannot remember my childhood beyond a few tiny instances so that doesn’t help :P

If I do have autism my support needs are pretty much non existent

I don’t have sensory overload except for sometimes with touch, I don’t like wearing necklaces or rings, lipstick is kinda uncomfortable, I love baggy jeans but hate skinny jeans, sometimes the water in my shower being hot gets very very uncomfortable out of nowhere and I get overwhelmed and need to get out

Other than the water thing I can usually get used to stuff like that

Exactly one time I remember getting overwhelmed by the loud noise of a concert when no one else was bothered

The sun being bright gives me a headache sometimes

I honestly can’t tell if I have rejection sensitive dysphoria because people are just straight up rejecting me all the time lol but I do get sad if someone doesn’t reciprocate my energy

I don’t get sad when I see dead animals

When I was younger and people would tell me to stop doing something I wouldn’t really care or understand that they were mad

I’ve always been focused on one phase or another but in a special interest way, not a hyperfixation way

I will always be completely direct and authentic with people and the idea of not doing that makes me imagine contorting my brain in a yucky way

I have issues understanding a task that doesn’t have enough instructions

I empathize with people by telling them a similar problem I have

Literally every person I connect with in my life has either autism, ADHD, or has enough symptoms to the point where I strongly headcannon it (lol)

Interacting with my best friend who is autistic is so goddamn easy

I separate people into people I can actually talk to (usually have autism or adhd) and people I’m not even gonna bother with beyond being superficially polite (usually NT)

I think I definitely have symptoms of PDA but that might be my OCD not wanting to be controlled on ✨principle✨

I loooooooooove hugs as long as they’re consensual, if they’re not I get pissed (but that’s an ocd thing not a sensory thing)

When I was younger I would get sad if I had to replace my blanket or anything like that and I made a basket of keepsakes and stuff but now that I’ve kind of given up on fearing change because it’s inevitable

Cutting my hair made me feel really shitty and possible dysphoric for like a week or so but now growing it out would cause the exact same reaction so :P

My gender is ✨floaty weird blob of nothingness✨

WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOCIAL CUE RAHHHHH

I feel very isolated from people I can’t be direct with which unfortunately is almost everyone I know

Every time I see an autistic character on tv being mistreated I’m like :(:(:( I’ll be your friendddd and give you hugs and explain social cues in a nice way that isn’t condescending or rude

I have really really really bad alexythymia from SOMETHING, that’s for sure, my brain is a foggy wind tunnel 99% of the time

I tend to fixate A LOT on my crushes, my crush in 8th grade was the most normal dude and I would spend hours pacing and thinking about him and planning things to say to him every day 😭 bro was likely homophobic too based on stuff I’ve heard

Peer pressure doesn’t work on me

I can’t mask but I also can’t like interact easily with people at all beyond politeness unless they’re autistic and to a more limited degree if they have adhd.

I once had a hangout with a friend where I talked about Hawaiian grammar for multiple hours and didn’t realize until years later that she was probably SO annoyed with me

I can understand when other people do social cues and the kind of things you would need to mask to do but the idea of doing it myself makes me feel so uncomfortable and worried that I would lose myself

Idk about executive function, I’m pretty sure that I don’t have adhd

I think social rules are dumb

I love to make lists

Guys how tf would I know if I’m missing social cues when the point is that I can’t understand them? It’s not like anyone is explaining stuff to me

My friend group in elementary school was probably neurodivergent as FUCK and my group in middle school was neurotypical, coincidentally I literally did not speak to basically anyone in middle school, my friend group now is again neurodivergent as FUCK but they’re all like stem dudes so I still don’t relate to them

I like mcr (nuff said)

[eideticly-strange-one]

Welcome to my bizarre corner of the internet!

Think of this as my Card (or however you spell it)

List of Trigger Warnings Below The Cut! PLEASE DO NOT SKIP!!!

This blog and this post will contain the following triggers:

Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Forced Starvation, Discussions of Mental Health, Extreme Chronic Pain, Cults, SA, Attempted Murder, DID-esque Things, Disassociation. More to be added as I think of them…

I’ve made this blog to chronicle my weird ass journey through my somehow even weirder ass brain. 🧠

About me:

General Shit

I’m an adult 👨‍🌾

I’m a spoonie 🥄

(In my case that means I have Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, every single joint of mine has a ganglion cyst pushin’ it apart 👌, possible MS but I’m too poor to test for it (MRI’s are expensive!), Diabetic af 🍭, and other things probably but I can’t think well atm 😵‍💫)

Cult Survivor

Domestic Abuse Survivor

Child Abuse Survivor

SA Survivor

Engaged Gay Guy 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (eyyyy that’s a nice one :D I’m not all horrific!)

Lucid Dreamer. In my dreams, you control Dream. Not other way around. I started doing this for sure at age four.

BRAIN STUFF!!

Complex PTSD

OCD (but not your stereotypical type. Nope 🙂‍↔️ instead of cleaning like crazy 🙄 I can’t clean sometimes because I’m convinced my dog or fiancé will die if I do! So my trash becomes precious in the sense it’s keeping my loved ones alive. Fun!) (Also I’m a chronic skin picker! Check out my scabs 😏)

Horrific ADHD! It’s so fun to have a vast and useless knowledge of randomness but if you asked me to tell ya what I did five minutes ago I wouldn’t be able to, even if you had a gun to my head 😬 (Forgetting what you are saying as you’re saying it squad STAND UP!) And my time blindness is insane…

Maladaptive Daydreaming. (Say hello to my fake scenarios! … oh… they don’t actually care that you said hi… sorry…)

Hyperphantasia… I used to think everyone was like this. Turns out nope! Ever imagine, in horrifying detail, what it would be like to be stabbed and then you get stabbed and it feels the same? No? Oh… lol yeah me neither 😳

Eidetic Imagery. This one is so fun when you have horrific traumas to fondly look back on against your will 🙂 Plus side I impressed my art teacher by drawing an apple from memory and it was better than my attempt at copying from life (it’s easier when you can hold the apple in your imaginary hand to get better angles ^_^

Generalized Anxiety disorder! I’m generally anxious! About what? You tell me, man, you tell me…

Severe Social Anxiety Disorder! I’ve had this since before I can remember (my memory starts at my first birthday party, so that’s pretty cool of me 😎)

Atypical Panic Attacks! Since waaaaaaay before my traumas I’d just be sittin’ somewhere doin’ something I like and then BAM! Incredible amounts of adrenaline start surging through my system! For no reason! This one took my first psychiatrist a while to accept. He was convinced I was doing or thinking something that triggered me but nope! It’s just random. Like my dumb ass 😁

Dyscalculia! I read numbers backwards! Do math backwards! I cannot judge distance to save my life! Reading one of those round clock things is impossible! I cannot tell left from right! Even though my Dad tried to ‘train me’ by saying which side he was going to punch and I had duck in the other direction! If I didn’t get punched it was pure dumb luck 🍀

Dyslexia! ‘Cause why not have another Dys syndrome! I have made progress on this one however, by a considerable amount, because I’m a writer (against my will be eh) 📖

Autism. If you call me ‘Aspie’ I will find your ass. And no, I will not be nice. My object of study (special interest is demeaning, don’t @ me) is vague af. It’s stories. And horror. Horror stories REALLY scratch that itch. I read stories and watch/read/view horror from around the globe and am compulsed to compare and contrast. I’ve found you never really learn a new culture until you’ve absorbed their stories into your soul.

Now it’s time for the ACTUALLY weird shit!

Ever since I can remember, if I thought something, I would see that instead of what my eyes were looking at! It took me until fourteen to learn how to make it a transparent-ish overlay instead of blacking out my vision! Walked into a lot of doors and poles. Sometimes houses. Once a barn. Many trees… 🌳

This one relates to the first one I think. When I read I watch a movie. I cannot for the life of me understand how people read the words and don’t see a film playing out instead. If it’s a tech manual I either see someone reading it to me, or my dyslexia kicks into high gear and the words jumble up into chaos. This also makes me ‘read’ slower than most, as the voices and images have to go at the pace of a film. My fiancé reads so fast because he doesn’t even hear a voice in his head when he does it. That’s so fuckin’ bizarre of him /j.

I have a mind palace. Yeah yeah go on and roll your eyes. I read about it when I was a teenager and thought it was interesting. I figured I can imagine whatever I want in extreme detail (even things I’ve never seen before), so I made one. I use it to store characterizations. And bad memories. So it’s a character storage closet and a way to compartmentalize. I also play piano in the foyer, next to the main entrance, which is the Gates of Hell buy Auguste Rodin. I enter it by suddenly walking into the foyer. The Gates of Hell lead to any room I want. There is also a hall in front of the foyer. I enter on the… okay so if you’re facing the Gates I enter on the Left side (I had to make an L with my fingers Dx) and if you go right down the hall, past the foyer, there are rows of doors on either side of the hall, which hold frequently visited rooms. I also have the White Room, which I enter to experience nothing. With extreme pain, either mental of physical, I can go into the room and not exist for a while. This does not however mean I’m passed out. I’m getting to that part though…

I see characters from books and films as actual people. Like out and about doing things. As a child I thought they were real. By four I realized no one else saw them. I would still talk to them/play with them often. I still see them, but now it’s more voluntary.

Building off that when I lived with my extremely abusive Ex Husbands parents, (who were actively starving me to death at the time, but I didn’t realize because they had good excuses and did it slowly until all food was cut off very suddenly when I was too weak to do anything about it) I had an extreme amount of stress and anxiety. My ex was in a band, which meant that every single night we were gigging and I had to schmooze for him. I was forced to talk and charm members of other bands, producers, mixers, fans, you name it. I couldn’t handle it. I just COULD. NOT. DO. IT!!! So, one of those characters I see all the time came to me in my mind palace (that’s where they live) and invited me to his bar for some drinks (I can feel drunk while I’m in the palace, it’s pretty cool. I can also eat in there during times of starvation and it helps with the pain). He offered to do the socializing for me. So I said yes. And that’s how I spent the next six months primarily as Dean Winchester. I don’t remember much of this time. And I got into a lot of awkward situations (he was a bisexual fuckboy and I’m gay… so I had about thirteen girlfriends, with my ex’s permission as long as he could date them too… I do know, thanks to Dean telling me, that the reason I had so many was because my ex Husband was so creepy he’d scare them off. Apparently the girls offered to keep dating me, just not the ex, but per my ex’s rules, I always declined). I do remember some things though. I would say I was myself about thirty percent of the time.

Things began to escalate… years later, when I got with my more serious ex gf, things ramped up a lot. We were in the process of buying a house and adopting a child, when the birth mom lost custody to her bigoted parents who hated me even though I’d been raising their grandchild since nine months old (she was roughly two and a half at the time). They knew I was ‘bisexual’ and so thought I was of the devil. I never saw my child again (she was MY child. I still mourn her loss. It’s so strange to mourn someone who’s still alive). After that the characters in my head started coming out without talking to me first. Whenever my emotions got to be too much it was like a failsafe kicked in and they’d come out. Idk how else to explain it. My ex gf caught on, and at first was convinced I had Dissociative Identity Disorder which meant I was therefore dangerous. She was afraid to sleep next to me in case I had an ‘Evil alter’ who’d kill her on her sleep. Eventually she got over that and decided to start learned manipulating me via the characters. If I didn’t want to or couldn’t do something, someone in my head probably could. She’d purposefully trigger them to get her way and then gaslight me about it. My ability to speak with most characters was very limited at that time, so she got away with it for a while. She explained my blank periods as me being blackout drunk, having a bottle of liquor she’d poured out as the proof. Eventually I realized what was happening, as I was able to figure out how to be in more contact with each character in my head. They told me what she was doing… But like an idiot I stayed with her, thinking no one else would accept me. She ended up breaking up with me anyway when I ran out of money. Came around a few times after when I had money again. I’ve blocked her for good at this point 👍

I started using the characters more and more, strengthening my mind palace. I ended up telling my bff at the time about it and he accepted it easily. Never once thought it made me dangerous. He’s even made friends with some of the people in my head. He has his favorites, and his not so favorites xD Btw, he ended up becoming my fiancé 😘

We’ve discovered the characters can do incredible feats of strength and willpower. If I’m about to pass out from pain (which happens frequently) I go into the white room and one of them comes out. One time we had to walk two hours to a gas station at 2am. I couldn’t do it. I convened with my characters and we decided one of them could do it the best (my fiancés least favorite unfortunately). Him and my fiancé ended up going at a march, army style, and made it there and back in fifty minutes. That would’ve been a four hour walk if it had been me attempting it. I was in INCREDIBLE pain when I came to, and was also confronted with the stupid amount of drama the character had caused by being a gossiping bitch. But what mattered was that we’d done it. Well, they’d done it. Some fucking how. The characters can come out when I’m in a severe blood sugar crash and instruct my fiancé on how to help, whereas before they appeared I was a mumbling mess. Sometimes when I’m doing very unwell it feels like bench pressing 300 pounds getting them to come out, but it’s doable.

What does all this mean?

I reeeeeaaalllly don’t think I have DID. It doesn’t seem like other people I know who have it. That’s why I’m making this blog. I’d like to see if I can find like-crazed people out there, get their opinions, discuss possibilities. If you have eidetic imagery, maladaptive daydreaming, FPP (Fantasy Prone Personality Disorder), or even DID, I’d like to hear from you.

I’ll add to this later with a list of characters who I’ll give free rein to use this account. They’ll be able to make their own posts, answer asks, especially if the ask is directed to them, and just use tumblr in general. I’m going to keep this blog as strictly a post blog about my mental health journey, so no memes unfortunately :(

If you’ve made it this far, here’s a medal!! (It’s made from fiberglass and my tears 😊)

[abbaswift]

hi. i was just looking through your blog and realised that you’re autistic. i suspect i might also be autistic, so i wonder how your diagnosis went. at the moment, it is not possible for me to get an official diagnosis (financial issues lol), so if it’s okay for you, what were some of the signs/symptoms you noticed?

hi anon! autism was first talked about when i was about eleven and i was diagnosed when i was fourteen

i don’t remember a lot about my diagnosis (i refused to even speak ha) or why autism was suspected so can’t help you much there unfortunately. i think the doctor asked my teachers and relatives and diagnosed me based on that

family and teachers became aware of my issues because i wasn’t attending school, and was well behaved at school but very avoidant (i have a demand avoidance profile), there were a lot of “quirky” childhood stories that in hindsight make sense, i was very exact and literal about things (like if people say something will take a minute, i’d count to sixty and get upset if it wasn’t exactly sixty seconds). i was very particular about grammar rules from a young age (….believe it or not….) and i hated change and eye-contact and didn’t understand social cues, typical autism stuff i guess

my autism definitely looks different as an adult (but i’m also in a lower stress environment so idk how that has affected it), as a child/teenager i had a lot of meltdowns and frequently felt like i was misunderstood and painted in a bad light for things that were out of my control. now i’m a lot happier, but the autism is still huge in my life (as it always will be). i don’t count to sixty anymore but still have that feeling of wishing people say what they mean.

the biggest issue i have is probably sensory overload, i just feel like i notice sounds in particular more than anyone else i know and it really affects me, i can’t concentrate if i can hear any little noise like the electric buzzing or clocks ticking. if i’m in a busy room chatting to people, i can’t tune out the extra noise so i really struggle to process what people are saying and everyone else seems to be managing fine?? whenever i socialise i feel like i need a day to prepare and a day to recover, it’s so draining. i also have a huge germ / food contamination phobia which is probably related

it’s not all bad, i promise (and it might be very different for you). personally i love applying my logical mind and seeing patterns others don’t, special interests can be great too (when i’m not supposed to be focusing on other things).

i do think that official diagnosis can be really helpful, even just to know you’re not making it up i guess? it’s quite validating. but obviously there are plenty of barriers to diagnosis like cost and time (especially for women and people of colour) and autism is there regardless of whether a doctor acknowledges it. i have a ten year old sister who is right now in the early stages of being referred for diagnosis, it might just be a uk issue but even with obvious traits and family history (me), it’s still taken a long time to get the referral, so i know for a fact how complicated getting diagnosed can be.

if potential autistic symptoms are really impacting your life, maybe your ability to work or learn, and you need proof of diagnosis to get accommodations or even just understanding from people around you, then yeah, get diagnosed when you can. otherwise, maybe just talk to people you trust about what you suspect if you haven’t already. sometimes it’s good to get another person’s point of view. i’ve found that even when the people i was close to weren’t too knowledgeable about autism, they could usually tell that i wasn’t neurotypical.

anyway, essay over. i wish you all the luck in the world with figuring it out and please don’t hesitate to send me another ask or a dm MWAH X

[shylemon0]

Bruce Wayne dating an Autistic!Reader would include (Headcanons)

Yup I’m doing this now

Even though I personally headcanon Bruce as autistic I won’t write so much about it in this one since to me he’s more of the “leave me alone so I can do my special interests” type socially awkward autistic (same), I’ll hint at it but won’t go full out on this one lol

Warning: Bruce not taking anyone’s bullshit, autism things, Not the romanticized version of autism or mental illness (aka realistic), swearing? idk what you expect of me I swear in almost everything I post

Apparently, mentally ill people find autistic romantic partners to be the best option for them since autistic people are more straightforward (cough better at communicating cough) with their feelings than allistic people, I just found that nice to hear, also it’s just perfect for this one lol

(Gn) ———

· Helping each other with mundane things like reminding the other to eat, bringing each other water, if the other fell asleep with makeup still on, wiping it off their face with a makeup wipe so the eyes won’t get irritated, pulling the other away from hyperfocus to just do things we need to do to be a functional human being before letting them return to it (it might sound weird but I literally want someone like that in my life lol) · Him buying a business just so he can fire a person for being ableist or a rude bitch towards you and you being super concerned about it but quickly getting over the concern since Bruce literally has to tell you that no one should treat you that way and that they would get fired anyway if they kept up that attitude 

· Not having to worry about bright lights when staying at his place since it is always dark there · He’s such a gentle kisser, he’d never want to overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable and he knows that he sometimes can’t control his strength so he’ll be extra gentle and soft with you because he’s already lost enough people in his life and he doesn’t want to push you away by accidentally being too rough

· Just spending hours not talking listening to music while doing your personal special interests, him working on his gear while you continue to research your special interests  · Whenever you two have a day where you just have a need for physical affection you’ll cuddle up together in blankets and watch movies for as long as you can 

· Bruce is a starer, this is obvious, so you won’t have to worry about anyone looking at you weird because if anyone does he’d glare at them until the person who was making you uncomfy get uncomfortable themselves and leave

· Him being extremely protective (would literally take a bullet for you), if you and him were in a situation together and something went wrong he’d become a human shield for you and then get you to safety asking if you’re okay before he leaves to help anyone else

:) (I have a taglist now! It’s on my pinned post if you want to know more about it!)

[theroyallypurple]

I absolutely adore the way you draw Hassel and Larry! Would love to know if you have any hcs of them cause I love hearing others thoughts about them :D

AAAA THANK U IM GLAD U DO!!! also jeez buckle up I have a lot lmao I'll put them under a readmore These are some established ones I've written about before but not an exhaustive list!!

HEADCANONS… I have sO MANY UHHH LEmmie try to articulate some thoughts

Larry I imagine to be from Sinnoh but he moved to Unova as a tween. One parent is sinnohan and one parent is unovan, he got his staraptor when it was still a starly in Sinnoh. He’s moved around the world doing different jobs until finally he wound up in Paldea. He can speak many languages including but not limited to: Japanese (first language), English, Spanish, French, German

I imagine that he’s autistic (I might be projecting a little here lol) and he suffers form depression, but he isn’t medicated

He struggles to control his volume as part of his autism, he always speaks a bit too quiet and doesn’t raise his voice even when needed.

He has perfect 20/20 vision but has visual snow syndrome which causes a layer of static to be over his whole entire field of vision. He also has tinnitus that goes hand in hand with visual snow syndrome and he enjoys spending time in the treasure eatery not just for the food but because the sound of the patrons helps to drown out the high pitched tone inside his head. It gets louder when he's stressed

He has a tie collection, also he has a lot of novelty fun patterned socks and boxers (his choice of underwear is Not sexy)

He’s owned the same pair of shoes for many years and he knows he needs to get new ones, the soles of his current ones are worn out, but he hates shopping for new clothes and new shoes feel bad on his feet.

He has great colour vision and can discern colours very well, often telling the difference between colours that other ppl can’t see a difference in. His night vision however leaves much to be desired, when he looks at things in darkness they merge into a big staticky blob and he uses his phone torch when it gets too dark outside and there’s no street lights.

He wears a suit not only because it looks good but because it feels good. He likes the weight of the blazer on his shoulder and the familiarity of it makes him comfortable

He’s only 35 but started greying early, he can be very sarcastic when ppl worry about getting greys since he’s been going grey since his early 20’s

His first language is Japanese but he doesn’t get many chances to speak it so all his personal devices are set to Japanese. This results in people hearing him speaking to his phone in Japanese. Poppy sometimes plays games on Larry’s phone and has learnt some Japanese through exposure. This makes Larry happy and he teaches her Japanese, it’s good for her developing brain he says

He can cook well but he’s often too tired to cook so when he isn’t buying something from a restaurant it’s instant noodles for him.

He’ll also make egg fried rice with furikake sprinkled on top

His favourite colour is blue, his favourite flavour is lemon, his favourite sweet is lemon drizzle cake

He Hates being in front of the camera (which is why his gym photo is the back of his head) so he isn’t actually in many photos. When he’s out with a group he’s almost always the one behind the camera taking the photo. A few candid photos of him do exist but whenever he finds out someone has taken a photo of him he tells them to delete them, despite this there are some photos of him smiling when he thinks no one is looking

Speaking of, his expression is mostly flat and his smile isn’t what people would often consider a smile to be. His features soften and his mouth is in a smile but he doesn’t grin big or wide, he has trouble properly showing his emotions but people who know him are used to it

He’s actually very blunt and matter of fact, which some people don’t like, but he doesn’t see the problem because he’s honest

He’s tired a lot of the time and loves sleeping. He’s a cuddler and has a body length pillow that he hugs (is also helps his back to have it between his knees and align his spine) if you shared a bed he may fall asleep facing away from you but by the time you wake up he’s hugging you tight

He suffers from adult acne, he doesn’t really care how it looks but he hates when it gets itchy and painful. It’s something he’d rather not deal with and he can get breakouts when he’s particularly stressed (I actually wrote a fic abt Rika helping him with this!!)

He does use product to style his hair, he puts it in when his hair is damp and uses a hair dryer to put it into position. He’s so practiced that he can do it in just 5 or so minutes What he uses has a strong enough hold but as the day goes on his hair can become slightly disheveled which is easily fixed by running his hand through it, but it can leave a few strands out of place

I personally use fiber gum and my hair style is similar to Larry’s so I can see him using it too, of gives the hair hold while keeping it light and soft, maybe on longer days he'll use gel instead since it has a stronger hold but it doesn't leave the hair as soft or light

Larry wears cologne. During the day he wears a fresh scent, bergamot for those with a refined nose or simply “citrus” for those who don’t. It has a hint of a floral smell to it. Fresh he thinks, good for the start of the day If he ever goes out in the evening he wears a muskier smell: sandalwood, amber, patchouli Despite what scent he uses there’s the always faint hint of tobacco, he may try to cover it up but it’s a deep set smell that’s hard to get out of things His used pyjamas smell like sweat but he always smells nice when he goes out

Larry is good at singing but he wouldn’t believe you if you told him. After a few drinks he slays on the karaoke machine

Speaking of which his drinks of choice are whisky on the rocks and a sparkling sake

--------

For Hassel I have two headcanons of where he’s from. It’s fun to imagine him from Galar, I’m Scottish so I’m familiar with Galar and the tradition with the applin and him having a flapple on his team is very fun when u imagine it’s Brassius that gave him the applin.

On the other hand I think he could be German… Hassel is a German name and Germany is close to Spain and idk it feels kinda fitting

He’s classically trained in piano but he can also play the guitar, drums, ukulele, violin, trumpet, and also he can sing

He’s a very good cook, he’s no chef but he makes great homey food, his stews and soups are very comforting

He never learned how to use chopsticks and thus doesn't use them, but I like to think that one day Larry teaches him

He enjoys painting and sketching from life, he finds it fun and relaxing and enjoys the challenge of portraying something correctly He can produce photorealistic works but I also think he’d enjoy impressionism, he’d also enjoy life drawing

He has a wide collection of knitted tanks in many different colours and patterns

His favourite colour is burgundy, he likes rich foods with a lot of flavour and struggles to eat anything bland. highly textured food with no flavour makes him gag

He snores, not a loud obnoxious snore but a deep kind of snore that rumbles in his chest. It’s oddly comforting and can be likened to a cat purring (or a dragons growl…)

Hassel smells like home, warm and familiar!! I really like the idea of him having a deep woodsy smell, pleasantly pleasant musky that is his natural scent, not a dirty musk but something that’s nice and human. He’s always well groomed The cologne he wears is faint but pleasant, with a spicy yet faintly sweet scent and it complements his natural body odour Other times he smells like art supplies- paints, sealant spray, and the likes, something noticeably chemically

His alcohols of choice are real Scottish whisky, red wine, gin, and honestly he’d enjoy a beer lol. Brassius tries all kinds of weird flavoured craft beers and makes Hassel try them

He's a little soft under his clothing, his belly and chest having a little pudge, but there are muscles underneath and he's very strong

I kind of like the headcanon ppl have that Hassels natural hair colour is brown but he dyes it blonde... I don't always stick to that hc in my art (sometimes I draw his body hair dark, sometimes I draw it blonde) but it's fun!!

He's very comfortable with aging and sees beauty in it, he doesn't strive to look young forever or to "keep his beauty" he thinks all kinds of people look beautiful He's also very secure in his masculinity and isn't afraid of being emotional or showing emotion, or showing any other traits typically seen as more feminine he wants to be a good role model and show boys that it's ok to be emotional and like certain things

Hassel has a big d-

[dolugecat]

On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

allistics and neurotypical-socialized/masking autistics literally do not understand what a highly visible and physically disabling condition autism is and it shows.

hello, i am autistic, and because of that i:

constantly injure myself because i am incapable of understanding depth, orienting my body in space, judging where other physical things are relative to myself, etc

feel extreme physical pain when exposed to certain sensory inputs, some of which are just, literally common things people experience every day

move and speak in such a way that people around me tend to classify me as dangerous, up to and including calling the cops on me for such crimes as Standing On The Sidewalk and Sitting In A Parking Lot--i am incapable of controlling this no matter how much i try, and i have spent two and a half decades trying. i have literally learned to never stop walking if i am in a residential neighborhood because if people perceive me as “loitering” they will literally think i am a dangerous criminal they need to do something about.

am genuinely incapable of moving in a “normal” way--i.e. i have to use objects to keep myself upright. if i had more money, i would use a rollator! because i am sick of falling down and hurting myself in public because i can’t keep my balance just Fucking Standing Still! and i’m even lucky enough to have developed strong coping mechanisms that allow me to avoid this most of the time, but it’s still significant enough that i avoid leaving my house because of it!

lose control of my body entirely during a meltdown, up to and including flailing and injuring other people. literally, i cannot control my limbs. i am not joking or exaggerating.

remember the extreme physical pain i mentioned above? yeah during a meltdown that’s cranked up to 10. it’s gotten so bad i’ve been unable to stop myself from shouting in pain before.

oh yeah and sometimes i literally lose all language processing capabilities and both cannot speak and cannot understand if someone speaks to me. also sometimes i just can’t speak, but even then i usually can’t stop myself from making the kind of noises someone calls the cops on you for, so having the ability to understand other people usually just means i can understand when they call me a slur and threaten me physically lol.

anyway, if your reaction to this is to be all like “well i’m autistic and i learned to not do these things/don’t have these problems to begin with/went to therapy for these traits and it Worked/have coping skills that mean these things aren’t struggles for me,” woop-dee-fuckin-doo, aren’t you just the most special little autist in the world? shut up. you have privilege. i’m sick of y’all acting like your ability to cater to allistics means we’re all just faking if we’re more disabled than you. christ.

[bonefall]

Aaaa hc’s sorry I’ve just been thinking about these for the past week. This is how I’m gonna write the characters in my rewrite lol totally not projecting on any of these especially not Squilf haha

Leafpool is autistic but she instead holds eye contact so strongly that it kinda freaks people out, but she does it so she can really pick up on the social cues. When stressed she just starts organizing things and the healer den is always incredibly tidy when she’s in there. But if anyone messes with her herbs, moves them around or doesn’t tidy them back up properly she’ll have a minor meltdown and goes on a cleaning spree to fix it all back up. Noises really bother her as well, at gatherings she always has to put two little moss balls in her ears to muffle the noise enough. Not very social and can’t hold relationships that well but when she does have her people around (her family, mothwing lol) she’s like empowered and so much happier.

Squirrelflight has both autism and adhd but none of her traits got picked up so she’s struggling a lot bc her society holds her to the same degree as everyone else. She cannot hold eye contact for the life of her and is constantly have so many thoughts that she gets overwhelmed incredibly easy. But she’s so good at masking her meltdowns and stress that it’s all internal. Like her sister she’s also pretty bad with social cues unless she’s expressly focused on the person speaking to her. She can make many small relationships but has a hard time keeping them, sometimes just forgetting cats exist which she hates. Almost always on a energy high or a crash and has to sleep a lot because of this but she also has insomnia because she thinks so much so she usually can’t. While her sister finds control in ordering herbs she finds it sorting patrols and such and it’s her favorite part of her routine everyday. If interrupted or messed up she meltdowns and has to go to the woods to calm herself down, or to her sister for help.

Sandstorm has adhd. Less thought about this one but she’s very passionate and emotional. She’s even more energetic then her daughter as a apprentice and always went on dawn patrol to get her energy out. Has a lot of hard time focusing and can get a little tunnel visioned on tasks. From finding she’s good at hunting it’s always her favorite thing to do and finds the most comfort in it.

ADHD Squirrelflight is SO real I can feel it. It also probably what makes her so good at setting up patrols and making every member of the clan feel important; she's always considering the strengths and weaknesses of the cats in front of her who clearly don't have a task to do.

I would love to see her create memory aids for herself, like carving reminders into the walls of her den. I have a corkboard on my desk and it helped a lot when I needed it, it would be super cool if she had a sort of Warrior Cat Compliant chart she used to remember everything.

She could even have little figurines for each member of the clan! Like a thorn is for Thornclaw, a really brightly colored rock is Brightheart.

(My ThunderClan Scourge AU brainrot is informing me that he made an actual small statue of himself for her to use; I see him as a craftsman, as many BloodClan cats were.)

Sandy and Leaf are perfect no notes

You know who else is nd? Bluestar. That woman is autistic, and I'm correct about this.

[starry-skies-116]

yEET-

ALIVE!AU HEADCANONSSSSSS:

Evan: 

16 years old, sphomore year of high school.

Still occasionally bullied and teased, but is considered by many to be ‘very beautiful’ by many standards.

Aroace male-presenting enby, he/him/they/them (says “I’m queer and 60% boy” and 50% of the time refuses to elaborate). Absolutely wears a black and white ring on both his ring fingers.

Acts way older than he actually is.

Still is strongly spiritually synonymous with butterflies and lepidopteran creatures- sometimes when people find him in nature or in a garden, butterflies or moths are fluttering around him and are attracted to him.

RIDICULOUSLY prodigious and inspiringly hardworking, insightful, strategic and incredibly pattern sensitive- learns new things relatively quickly, planning and solving problems with incredible accuracy and meticulousness, and accurately reading the people around him and discerning their true intentions. He also develops the ability to be impressively adaptable to changing circumstances, though inconveniences do irk him greatly depending on the severity.

Primarily an engineering and mathematics genius, STEM teachers absolutely love him lol. He’s also one helluva nerd- special interest is now computers. Strings of information and numbers tend to fascinate him, and he often experiments and tinkers with programming, machinery and software to produce different outputs.

Wears whatever tf he wants whenever tf he wants, doesn’t give a shit as long as its comfy and stylish.

Has elongated, visible scars on his wrist and stomach from… the incident.

Very clearly neurodivergent (I would say high functioning autism but functioning labels are basically garbage lol), selectively inattentive, detail oriented. 

Went from severely depressed to only mildly depressed due to medication and therapy starting from when he was eleven. Insomnia has significantly decreased as well, and now he is on a semi-reasonable and consistent sleep schedule.

VOCAL TICS~

Has significantly more confidence than before, and demands respect and recognition where it is due. 

Still retains an incredibly sagacious and secretly kind personality with REALLY high and palpable levels of empathy.

Stims frequently, occasionally has sensory problems, although he’s learned to make it more discreet (fidgeting, pressing his knuckles, tapping his heels/toes rapidly, colliding his ankles together and swaying his legs back and forth, chewing gum, humming, rapidly clicking pens, keyboard typing, etc.) Favorite stims include sleeping on soft fabric, weighted blankets and listening to other people’s heartbeats and distant thunderstorms.

No longer suppresses his naturally witty and snarky attitude. Either is surprisingly snide and brusque, or is cryptic, astute and speaks in riddles.

“Now you’re talking about the theory of how if dinosaurs must’ve existed, dragons must’ve existed? Why can’t you talk about normal things?” ||| “I do not control the hyperfixation.”

Has developed a vast repository of vocabulary and coherency he uses in his words, and speaks with fluency, blunt directness, and incredible intensity and passion, and this can make other people his age not want to socialize with him due to their more casual tones. (doesn’t give a shit anymore lol)

“Aiy-yai-yai… was I… rambling?” ||| “Strange that it took you an hour to notice. But yes.”

Needs to mentally rehearse making a phone call to people before having their social battery burnt out entirely.

HATES Papayas and Kombucha tea. Get those monstrosities far away from him.

***

Elizabeth: 

13 years old, 8th grade.

ADHD-PI. Need I say more?

One moment is ‘I simply wish to enjoy a hot cup of milk on a rainy afternoon’ and another moment ‘RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-’

Hyperfocus tends to shift from time to time. Primary interests include botany, sewing, fashion, cooking, baking, biology, bonsai, gemstones, and history.

Spiked maturity/emotional growth primarily due to both Evan’s and her mother’s guidance, as well as the positive influence of elders around her willing to guide her, believe in her and correct her when she goes astray.

Pan-oriented demisexual demiromantic (yes I made her aspec because I fUCKING can/lh)

Like Evan, she has an incredible imagination, plus a REALLY BAD hoarding habit. He hoards computer chips, books, plushies, papers, school supplies and mechanical and engineering equipment- she hoards antiques, jewelry, dolls, quilts, dresses, flowers, plants and vinyls.

Geeks out with Evan over topics like language, philosophy, psychology, geography, literature, gemstones and the biology of bugs, yet they are both still very much scared of them and sing-song-scream-cry whenever there’s a bug in the room, save for butterflies.

Physically INCAPABLE of sitting still.

VOCAL TICS 2.0~

Also ridiculously prodigious and insightful, a history and biology buff with an eye for antiques (BURNT OUT GIFTED KIDS ASSEMBLE)

Also stims a crap ton. Sometimes teachers swear her leg taps itself against the ground so fast it’ll soon vibrate and be able to phase through walls.

Shit memory lol, equally shit at rhythym games.

Has amusia (is tone-deaf).

Copies patterns and mannerisms from other people and adopts smidgens of both her mother’s personality, her own, as well as Evan’s, coming across as well as sarcastic and witty.

Possesses an INCREDIBLY strong bond with her brothers- seriously, the Afton siblings are a package deal hurt one and you die with the Dark Souls death screen hovering over you (and the kids dancing on ur grave lmao)

Time management? Memory? What blasphemy do you speak of?

“Ah, no, yeah- okay, this shouldn’t take but a moment. Between an hour and a half, and, uh… an estimated two weeks.”

Also feels VERY deeply and strongly about topics she is passionate about, and feels a personal sense of either gratitude or revenge to people who have either helped her or wronged her, respectively- unlike Evan, who sees only the most dangerous traits in people, yet begrudgingly knows and believes that there are unseen reasons behind their true nature.

Elizabeth during class: “Yeah, uh, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all the things?”

Like Evan, she has an ‘all-or-nothing, do-or-die’ attitude, frequent and uncontrollable stimming and fidgeting, and a difficulty in social situations. She is very extroverted and sociable, yet has a tendency to become overexcited and excessively hyperfixate, and it is because of this that when people tell her to ‘just focus’ or ‘try harder’ she becomes IMMENSELY frustrated because ‘I KNOW’. 

She also has some symptoms of executive dysfunction, doesn’t have a filter when she speaks, and never maintains eye contact, instead glancing around everywhere to avoid discomfort.

Loses shit RELENTLESSLY-

She’s the type of person to go to Target to buy toothpaste, then comes back with a receipt for $218. Everyone facepalms, while Evan understands her.

[nekropsii]

Mituna Captor and Meulin Lejion?

MITUNA CAPTOR

Sexuality HC: Not much of a hot take here, but I see him as bisexual!

Favorite Ship(s): In the context of canon? MITULA. ALL THE WAY. That man DESERVES it. In the context of Sovereignstuck? Unreal Heir. That one’s between him and Retris Morage, my fantroll. I have got to post about it sometime!

BROTP: Hot take! I think he’s very close friends with Rufioh and Meulin! Bonus: In Sovereignstuck, his moirail is Latula! Do not separate them.

NOTP: CroTuna. In any quadrant at all. Yes, including Black Just... No. Absolutely fucking not. That wasn’t Blackrom, that was abuse. Huge difference.

Happy HC: I like to think that when he’s happy, he makes a buzzing sound. Like a bee! You can’t go wrong with a good ol’ trolls purring headcanon. Also, whenever he’s feeling particularly affectionate, his psionics spark a little and make heart shapes. He has no control over that. He is incredibly bad at hiding his feelings.

Angsty HC: Abandonment issues. Really, really bad abandonment issues. Like, breakdown level. He gets nightmares about it sometimes, but his grasp of reality isn’t all that great, especially when he’s freaked out or emotional, and he tends to think it actually happened.

Random HC: His favorite book in Sovereignstuck is Neuromancer! HUGE Cyberpunk fan.

General Opinion: He’s my favorite! I love my weirdo Cassandra parallel dearly. I think he’s got a lot of potential to be a nuanced, intricate character if you simply work to understand him. Which I have done for the fanventure. Thoroughly. I’m in charge of writing him. >:)

MEULIN LEIJON

Sexuality HC: Now, this one’s a doozy. I, personally, see Meulin as functionally AroAce, or at least somewhere on that spectrum. I think she likes the idea of relationships a lot, but isn’t very compatible with them in practice.

Favorite Ship(s): Romantically? None, really!

BROTP: [In the same time as Shrimp Heaven Now] Damara! Friendship! Now!!!

NOTP: I’m sorry but whatever her and Kurloz had going on was not healthy. I find it interesting narratively, don’t get me wrong! But I cannot in good faith say I ship them.

Happy HC: Her so-called overexcitement is because she has autism! She’s got a lot of love in her heart for her interests, and she’s extremely passionate about them. She writes a lot of fanfics for the media she consumes, and her fanfiction accounts for them are actually really popular! She’s a very good writer!!

Angsty HC: The fact that several of her fellow session members- people she calls friends- didn’t even try to learn Sign to help accommodate to her Deafness actually really makes her upset. The fact that she still has to communicate mostly verbally really frustrates her. It makes her get a little snappy sometimes, and she often winds up saying things she regrets later. A friendship or two was broken because of it. (She is fully in the right for snapping, though.)

Random HC: Secretly into horror and thrillers! She doesn’t only consume popular media and romances!! She loves to have some variety in her diet with the content she indulges in. It keeps her from getting bored! I will say, though, she is SUPER into Hannibal.

General Opinion: I love her. So much. You have no idea. Meulin actually meant a LOT to me when I was younger! I hadn’t seen any form of representation for the deaf/hard of hearing before, so it made me REALLY happy. I actually named my cat after her, lol!!!! She’s super underappreciated, honestly. She’s FUNNY.

[couches]

plz don’t talk to me about this post

damn when was the last time i made a post. LMAO this shit looks bad on desktop holy fuck

just checking in. i’m doing bad.

i have a place i do my journaling but i don’t know why i wanted this post to go out to more than just the void. i feel like i’ve needed a win for like the past few months and i just have not gotten one. not to say nothing good is going on in my life because the same things that have always been going well (my relationship, my friends, my parents’ health, my job, my dog) are doing really well. my mental health has just been doing really terribly and it’s been so difficult to focus on the good. you may remember bpd as the adhd or autism of the 2010′s and ya girl is still eating shit daily. 

the holidays are always tough for me, and things somehow went worse than i expected this year. i’ve been really missing camille even though i see her more frequently than ever, it’s just been hard being this far into our relationship and comparing it to my friends who get to spend the holidays together or who have normal families who are accepting and excited about their child’s s/o. i always feel lonely during christmas but i felt even lonelier still feeling so far away from being able to spend holidays or any happy days with the person i love and who i’m spending the rest of my life with. it just really, really hurts sometimes. (all the time) 

i don’t even really want to talk about my brother being annoying because that’s just the status quo. he cussed at me when we were in the car and i actually had to breathe deeply because my anger was actually about to get out of control LOL. i just had to stay quiet and breathe. and then when i got home i just stayed in my room and cried. and then i was thinking about camille’s sisters and how horrible they are to her and it made me cry more. [putting this vaguely cuz i don’t wanna divulge her family info in my own post] i’m glad things are resolved for the sake of her peace but i still have so much anger in my heart about it and i think hearing about it on the same day where i already was feeling so angry and hurt and alone just made me even more upset. i just can’t believe it’s been a month of them (especially the younger one) ignoring her and acting like she’s a ghost in their house. she didn’t even look up to acknowledge me when i visited and that was enough to make me pissed off and i don’t even give a fuck because she’s not my sister so imagine how much it would hurt if she was. i just feel really disturbed by the whole thing and i don’t ever want to be in the same space as them again, still. 

i just couldn’t stop crying last night because i felt really frustrated about feeling anger and hatred LOL. believe it or not... i hate feeling that way! and i just feel really consumed by my anger these days. i feel like i used to be such a happy and forgiving and kind person and now i look in the mirror and i don’t even see that. i see someone who is bitter and angry all the time. i know it’s because i’ve become more passionate about injustice, personally and globally, but sometimes i just feel so tired. i feel like no one else shares my pain and i’m wrong. i feel crazy. even though my therapist always tells me i’m not and always tells me that how i feel makes sense. i just feel like i’m crazy and i’m screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. but then when people do hear me i feel like i have to minimize myself and what i’m feeling because i don’t want to share this burden. the burden of not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me!!!!! 

i saw this quote that was saying like, is the real you the one who did that horrible thing, or the one who feels awful about the horrible thing you did? and i know that i am forever a compassionate person who can accept my mistakes and flaws and who knows that radical love and empathy is the key to growth and joy. but i just can’t stop being consumed by my feelings these days. i know i can’t help how i feel but i can help how i react. but god it’s so hard... 

i don’t mean this in a derogatory way toward myself, but it’s crazy that i’m 25 still making posts the same way i did when i was 15. just depressed, confused, hating myself, and on tumblr.