#but you better believe he can be guilted into playing more easier than he wants to admit

[crystallinestars]

Taking Care of Them

Short scenarios about Argenti, Aventurine, and Jing Yuan receiving much-needed care and comfort from you. Pure fluff, a little hurt/comfort for Aventurine's part.

I took some creative liberties with Aventurine's character since we still don't know everything about him yet, so this is simply my interpretation of him.

This isn't proofread because my brain is fried from writing.

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🌹 Argenti:

As a Knight of Beauty, Argenti is a highly skilled fighter who puts his very life on the line to vanquish his foes. Usually, he defeats his enemies with grace and style, but even the refined Argenti sometimes sustains injuries.

In his most recent battle, Argenti made it out practically unscathed, save for a few scrapes and bruises that marred his handsome face. That was how he found himself obediently sitting on your bed while you treated his wounds.

“I apologize that you have to see me in this state,” he murmurs, guilt darkening his expression. “I did not want to cause you worry.”

“No need to apologize,” you brush off his concerns with a smile. “Now turn this way. I’ll clean the scratch on your cheek,” you said as you gently turn Argenti’s face to one side to reveal the shallow, red gash on his cheek.

Argenti complies without hesitance and sits perfectly still as you dab at the scratch with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. It stings, but the Knight of Beauty unflinchingly tolerates the burn with a small smile on his face.

He can tell through the delicate and careful way you clean and dress his wounds that you care a great deal about him. Your touches were gentle so as to not cause him unnecessary pain, yet no less thorough. It felt nice to be touched so tenderly, to be cared for in such a loving manner.

Your heart is beautiful, he thinks. To possess such a caring and loving heart, you must rival the beauty of his beloved Aeon Idrila. Argenti truly believes that you are a wonderful and beautiful person, both inside and out.

As you finish patching up the last wound and pack away your first aid kit, Argenti turns to you and gives you a radiant, sincere smile from the heart.

“Thank you…” he softly says as gently takes one of your hands and kisses the back of it, “You have a dazzling heart—so pure and gentle. I feel like the luckiest man in the universe to have the privilege of receiving your care and affection.”

His words may sound over-the-top and perhaps even fake, but he truly means them. Every single one. Even if you don’t entirely believe him, the amused smile that his flamboyant phrases elicit out of you is all the reason he needs to keep them up.

“You’re welcome. Just try to be more careful next time. I’ll love you no matter how you look, but I hate seeing you hurt,” you murmur in reply and lean in to kiss the band-aid on his cheek.

“There. A kiss to make it all better,” you giggle as you pull away.

The little gesture catches Argenti by surprise, but he can’t say he didn’t like it. In fact, he enjoyed it more than he ever thought he would.

With a small chuckle, he pulls you close to kiss you fully on the lips. If you don’t take his word for it that he feels incredibly lucky to have your love, then perhaps his actions will convey the sincerity of his feelings for you.

🦚 Aventurine:

All his life, Aventurine has faced hate. Hate for being Sigonian, hate for being a dog of the IPC, hate for acting exactly the way that’s expected of his kind. He played into people’s perceptions of him. Why waste time trying to correct their views when they won’t change? It’s easier to just act according to their expectations and hide who he really is behind this playful and sly mask.

Only with you does he let his carefully crafted façade crumble to reveal his vulnerable self.

Aventurine is very good at acting like everything is fine when the world is against him. Perhaps to an extent, he truly believes that life is all about fighting battles on his lonesome. He can use others and get used as a tool in return, but the only one he can trust is himself. It’s the only life he’s ever known.

However, you’ve known him long enough to tell that the hate and isolation get to him, no matter how much he pretends that they don’t. When he comes home one night after a particularly awful day, it doesn’t take long for you to figure out that he feels down.

Aventurine smiled and teased you like usual, but he spoke less and clung to you more than usual. He hugged you from behind and kept an arm around you no matter what you were trying to do, almost as if he was seeking comfort from your physical presence.

Turning to face him, you glance into his tired eyes.

“What is it, darling? See something you like?” he teased, the corner of his mouth tugging into a smirk.

“Hmm, no,” you hummed. Extending your arms forward, you wrapped them around Aventurine and slowly pulled him into a hug. “I don’t see something I like.”

Aventurine is momentarily stunned by your unprompted action, but he quickly recovers.

“Oh? How come? Am I not appealing enough for you?” he quipped, resting his chin on your shoulder and returning your hug. Unlike your tight hug, his arms wrapped around you in a loose hold, as if he was uncertain how to go about it.

“Quite the opposite,” you softly chuckle, “I don’t see something I like, but I do see someone I love,” you whisper and turn your head to look directly at Aventurine’s face.

A beat of silence passes as Aventurine processes your words, before bursting out laughing.

“That was painfully corny, even for you!” he chuckled.

You scoff but don’t say anything in response, simply continuing to hug him tightly. Slowly, carefully, you card your fingers through his blond hair before moving lower to stroke your palm along his spine in soothing circles.

Aventurine’s laughter dies down, his initial mirth now replaced with something fragile and vulnerable as he falls quiet. He won’t ever share what burdens him, but you don’t need to know the details to provide him comfort. If he doesn’t want to tell you, then you won’t pry. At the very least, you’ll do all you can to support him and remind him that he’s not alone.

Being wrapped up in your warm embrace, feeling your gentle caresses—it all felt unfamiliar to Aventurine. It’s been so long since he felt the tender and loving affection of another person. It took a while, but eventually he relaxed and allowed himself to lean into your body, burying his nose into the crook of your neck.

Silence lingered in the air, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. There was something soothing in not having to talk. It was freeing to not worry about pretending to be okay or be pressured to talk about the things that trouble him.

That hug—that simple act of human affection—made him feel safe and protected in your arms. When you leaned back slightly to plant a tender kiss on Aventurine’s forehead, something inside him snapped and he had to hold back tears. Burying his face deeper into the crook of your neck, he clung tightly to you while you continued to rub slow circles along his back.

“It’s okay. It’ll all be okay, I’m here. You’re not alone…” you whisper, hugging him tighter.

Being wrapped up in your warm hug, feeling your affectionate kisses and gentle words is something Aventurine never knew he needed until now. Just for this moment, he lets his walls come down and bares his wounded self to you with the hope that you can soothe his pain if only a little.

And you do. With whispered reassurances and loving caresses, you ease his hurt, even if just temporarily. He is safe, you promise. He will always be safe in your arms.

🦁 Jing Yuan:

Jing Yuan is notorious for disliking the abundance of paperwork and other leadership tasks he has to take care of on a day-to-day basis as a General of the Xianzhou Luofu. Despite his woeful sighs about how tedious it is, and how the work never seems to end, Jing Yuan still accomplishes all his duties in a timely and precise fashion.

Jing Yuan is a hard worker, you are well aware of that. Which is why when he snuck out of the Seat of Divine Foresight to come spend some free time with you, you offered him to rest on your lap. And who was he to turn down such a tempting opportunity?

Sitting outside on the veranda with Jing Yuan’s head resting on your lap, you softly ran your fingers through his fluffy, white hair, marveling at how silky it was. It was as soft as it looked.

“I could get used to this,” Jing Yuan said with a sigh, relaxing into our touch. His golden eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensations of your fingers combing through his hair, gently massaging his scalp and soothing any tension he felt.

Chuckling, you looked down at him, mirth dancing in your eyes.

“Really? I wouldn’t mind having you as my lap cat like this more often. Why not come see me every day and get pets?” you tease him as you lightly poke his cheek.

Jing Yuan cracks open one eye to give you an amused look.

“Being your lap cat sounds like a wonderful idea,” he sighs, “Laying on your lap and getting pampered sounds like my ideal life.”

Both of you burst out laughing at the ridiculous notion of Jing Yuan being a lap cat, your spirits lifting as the mood brightened even more.

“Ah, but if you ever want to take a break and relax, you’re always welcome to see me,” you say in a softer voice this time, resuming running your fingers through his tresses.

“I’ll keep your invitation in mind,” he replied, his voice dropping an octave as he relaxed into your touch once more.

The minutes pass in a comfortable and serene atmosphere, with you pampering Jing Yuan with affectionate caresses, meanwhile, the man listens to you talk about your day. You both knew that after this he would have to go back and complete the mountain of work waiting for him, but for now, you were content to spend this little bit of time with your beloved.

Under the warm sun and gentle breeze, with his head resting comfortably on your lap, Jing Yuan felt himself growing drowsy. His eyelids became heavier, and his body didn’t want to move from his position on your lap.

Noticing the General grow sleepy, you fought the urge to tease him. If you pointed out his sleepiness, he would most likely apologize and put a stop to this tranquil moment by getting up and heading back to work. He already saw you less than either of you wanted, simply because work kept him busy. Moments like these were a luxury.

Keeping quiet, you gently massage his scalp until his breaths even out and become deeper, seeming to have fallen asleep. His expression looked so serene and vulnerable, something that very few people have had the chance to witness. As his lover, you were privy to this sight more than most. You watch over him with a small smile on your face, gently tucking away a stray strand of his hair.

Thinking he was asleep, you lean down to press a lingering kiss to his forehead, but as you straighten, you notice Jing Yuan peering up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

Growing flustered, you quickly look away, feeling your cheeks heat up with a blush.

Jing Yuan only laughs in response, but his laughter quickly turns into a contented purr as you shut him up with another head massage. Whatever teasing remark he had prepared, immediately died on his tongue as relaxation washed over him and he felt sleep take hold of his mind again.

“It’s ok, take a nap. I’ll wake you up in a few minutes,” you murmur, willing Jing Yuan to finally get some rest. You could tell he wanted to protest, but with a light brush of your thumbs over his temples, he released a sigh of defeat and conceded.

“You certainly know how to take advantage of my weaknesses,” he chuckled, voice a little hoarse from drowsiness.

Despite his initial reluctance, Jing Yuan fell asleep fairly quickly. The continuous days of endless work had left him exhausted, but your tender pampering and sweet company were just the respite he needed.

“Sleep tight,” you whisper, gracing him with another sweet kiss on his forehead.

[raythekiller]

pt 2: (sorry for not being specific- :,))

Masky, Hoodie, Tic Toby [basically all the proxies] Ben drowned, Jeff the killer, Nina the killer, EJ, LJ, and if possible [like a sibling relationship] with Sally Williams!

ps: Lane the lurker can also be added it’s optional. Also that man is hOts.

🍬 Anon

🗒 ❛ Transmasc Reader ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Masky, Hoodie, Nina The Killer, Sally Williams

#Notes: another one of many transmasc requests hell yeah

pronouns used: none, but male! reader

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

Mentioned this before, but it's likely he misgenders and even deadnames you just for shits and giggles (that only he finds funny), until you genuinely get upset and guilt comes crawling in, making him quit it. He doesn't understand that his words carry a weight with them most of the time, so it's more out of debauchery than straight up malice, which is a little rich coming from him. Despite this, he feels like he's the only one who can disrespect you like that (in his own twisted mind, that is) and will not stand for anyone doing the same thing, his protectiveness and violent tendencies coming into play. The knife he carries around isn't just for show, afterall.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned

Doesn't care for gender or gender roles, which is a surprising level of maturity coming from someone that behaves like a pre teen boy most of the time. No matter how you dress or behave, he just sees you as a guy (even if you're in a dress and full makeup) cause that's what you are, no amount of femininity will change that fact for him, proposital or accidental. Doesn't even get mad when someone disrespects you in that regard, he just gets upset cause he straight up doesn't understand their prejudicial point of view, and just tells them to shut up in a flat voice, then ignoring any protest and moving his attention to you to ask if you're okay. Your comfort is of utmost importance to him.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

Also mentioned this before, but since I headcanon Cody to be transmasc and them to be best friends, he's quite used to it. Plus, his compassionate and understanding nature wouldn't allow it to be any other way. Treats you with extra care and is extremely protective, just because he knows you already struggle a lot and he wants to make things easier for you. Makes you feel included by inviting you to hang out with him and the other boys in their so called "guys night out", which earned a eyebrow raise from Jeff but complete acceptance from the others. Will not tolerate any kind of funny business when it comes to this and is quick to verbally and physically threaten anyone who disrespects you.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

Approaches it more from a doctor's perspective than anything else, since otherwise he would feel a little awkward and is scared to accidently offend you since that's the last thing he wants. Offers to help you get started on T if you haven't already and tells you what to eat to help increase your testosterone levels. Super nice and respectful, just wants you to feel comfortable in your own skin. Like Toby, he's a little bit extra protective when it comes to you, but more often than not he just corrects people when you get misgendered by them. If they insist, he drags you away and leave the person talking to themselves, not willing to give them the time of day. Your comfort is more important than whatever stupidity is coming out of their mouth.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Laughing Jack

He's literally a ragdoll, I don't think he cares or understands gender all that much. If you say you're a guy, then so be it, he'll refer to and treat you as one no questions asked and no matter how you look or sound like. I believe he likes to sew, so he might make you a few outfits that better fit your taste to help you feel better about yourself if you're having a bad dysphoria day. Calls you "Handsome" pretty often as well. Doesn't understand the concept of transphobia, it just doesn't make sense in his mind, so he's more confused than anything if he ever sees someone misgendering you. When he notices you getting more and more genuinely upset, it kinda clicks that they're doing it out of malice. Big chance of them not coming out alive from this encounter.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

My first instinct was to say he would be similar to Jeff, as usual, but considering the fact he was getting a liberal arts degree, I highly doubt it. At most raises an eyebrow if he ever sees you dressing more feminine, but never actually mentions it or disrespects you (in that regard, at least). Just be warned, since you're a man, he's going to treat you like one - bad side and all. No taking it easy on you during training or being chivalrous, if you're one of the guys, you're gonna get the same treatment. Despite all that, he's super quick to straight up point a fucking gun at anyone misgendering you, asking them to repeat themselves in a low and menacing tone.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Super lowkey with making sure you feel validated and included, doesn't want to be too in your face about it. Just small things like talking about how all the guys are together while you're in the room as well or a quick signed "Looking handsome" as you walk by. He just doesn't want to be too forceful and end up backfiring and making you uncomfortable, but he wants you to know he considers you one of the boys™ just as much as he does the others. Introduces you to singers he likes that are also trans, like Frances Forever or Awfultune, and might even play some of their songs on his guitar for you. Doesn't pay any attention to people misgendering you, just tries to steal your attention while leaving them to talk to themselves, that shit eating grin ever present on his face.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Nina The Killer

I'm sorry, but she's probably one of those "I always wanted to have a trans friend!" people. Not that she thinks you're just trans and nothing else, she does appreciate you for who you are as a person more than anything, but that's definitely her first thought. Super excited to have makeovers with you - she dresses you up super nicely (and emo) and is literally the embodiment of that one "Do you or do you not feel bonita?" audio, will not stop bugging you until you admit you feel handsome. Extremely passive aggressive with people who misgender you, going "Uhm, it's HE, actually" in a somewhat rude manner. If they insist you better hold her back or things might escalate.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Sally Williams

This little sweetie is so nice to you. Might misgender you at first on accident until you or someone else explain it to her, then she just nods all excited and starts calling you "Big bro Y/N". Gives you piles and piles of drawings that she makes of you, each with a variation of "Best bro ever" written as the header, and looks up at you seesawing on the soles of her foot, waiting for you to compliment her artistic abilities, to which she hugs your waist tightly when you do.

[prncssie]

miffy's note this is just the prequel; this following series centers heavily around themes of stalking. mdni fics for gaza

you’d think when you’re finally seated inside the black honda civic that the thrumming in your chest would begin to dull into a consistent rhythm. it’s supposed to be a safe space. the plush interior is supposed to be a comfort, the tinted windows are supposed to act as a bandaid. that soothed feeling, the security you’re seeking so desperately never comes. instead, each drag of air is harsher and harsher. you’re nearly wheezing by the time sukuna is seated in the driver’s seat, hand gripping the fabric of your t-shirt.

“relax. breath, girl, breath.” he’s meticulous in the way he closes his door, preventing the metal from slamming shut while devoting his attention to your unwell state. his larger hand covers yours, planted so firmly over your chest. he can feel the ragged breaths even through your fingertips. “i’m right here, okay? you’re fine now so breath f’me.”

his words are easier said than done. they don’t have a chance to fully register in your head. they become part of the murky mixture ringing between your ears. the footsteps paces behind yours ring over and over again. the crunch of the pavement under your feet, your name falling from horrid lips, it all plays in a cycle in between gasps for air. your heartbeat pounds beneath the thin layer of skin and bone. you don’t have to tell sukuna you’ve lost control because he can see it under the watery rims of your tear-filled eyes.

“jesus christ.” sukuna pulls his hand away from yours, although reluctantly, to find anything of use. as far as he knows, you don’t have an inhaler on you, nor does he believe there has ever been a moment in time where a doctor has every prescribed one for the particular situation. he considers himself lucky when his fingers clasp around plastic, thrown and discarded into the backseat of his car and even more so when the bottle is filled halfway with water. “i know it’s shady but drink it. for your breathing.”

he’s thoughtful enough to untwist the cap for you and guides the bottle to your lips. the stream of water is hot down your throat. unpleasant as it is, it does it’s job in forcing you to hold in a breath longer than you want to, letting the carbon dioxide run through your system and quell your beating heart. “if i ever see that piece of shit, i’ll kill him.” it’s more of a statement sukuna says for himself, guiding one of your trembling hands to hold the bottle for yourself. “you hold onto this and don’t worry your pretty head about a thing. you can sleep at my place.”

behind the perimeter of the store-brand water bottle, you smile as much as you can manage, albeit it’s weak. still, you attempt to show your appreciation for his kindness with the ever growing guilt that you’ll never be able to repay him for this. you actually feel quite selfish for having to rope sukuna into this. he shouldn’t have to put himself at risk because you can’t manage to keep your own problems at bay, granted having someone who is a bit too obsessed with you following you around isn’t something you have to deal with on your own. you know better than to voice your opinion on the matter. it would just earn you reprimands and challenging glares at such an asinine ideology. so instead, you take another small swig of water. “thank you ‘kuna.”

sukuna resides in a little townhouse just outside the city. the neighborhood is nowhere near as protected as you’d like but it’s somewhat comforting to have another person beside you. he’s been darling all night, opening the car door for you and letting you walk ahead of him as you trek to the front door. sukuna even punches in the numbers to his keypad at his position stationed behind you, protectively looming over your shoulder until you’re ushered through the door. “you can stay as long as you need, yeah?”

he tosses his keys onto the the console table and casts a quick glance out the window. the blinds fall back into place when he pulls away. it’s odd to him to be this kind to you. sure, there has been plenty of moments where sukuna has displayed his softer side to you but this is unprecedented. there really is no protocol for how friends like him should act when receiving such a distressing call. he’s wracked his brain enough times with the same questions, questions only you could solve. “so what the fuck happened?”

it’s such a simple question. the wording could use some critique but you’re not thinking about it when you’re kicking off your crocs onto the doormat. if anything, you’re too frenzied running through your own thoughts and experiences. every moment leading up to this flashes behind your eyes in a blur. “i don’t — i told the police. i told them and they said if i didn’t have enough proof, a threat. texts aren’t enough. i told them, sukuna. i told —”

“okay. you told them; i get that. that wasn’t my question, though. what happened, tonight?” he does his best to mind his tone, narrowed eyes tracking your movement the farther you venture into his abode. he believes you, he really does. there isn’t any room for doubt when your voice, wavering in fear, replays in his head from your phone call. sukuna is just trying to wrap his head around the situation. 

you called him during what was supposed to be a completely ordinary thursday night. it’s a distress call at that, full of your pleas to come pick you up. in a single instance, you’ve managed to upgrade your previous very casual relationship into something unlabeled where you crash at his house to evade your . . . stalker?

you’re still reeling when you plop yourself onto his sectional. it’s a hysteria you haven’t felt before. one that builds in the base of your tummy and crawls it’s way up your throat with a taste resembling bile. you curl up in your spot, feet tucked under yourself and hugging your knees to your chest. your phone slides out of your pocket, serving a reminder to let your roommate know you won’t be returning home that night. “there’s this guy. he came to my bar once and ordered a gin and tonic.” you take an interest in your fingernails and how varied the different shapes are.

this is not the first time you’ve told this story before. you’ve told it to your friends, your coworkers, your managers. you’ve told the police. sure, some people feel doubt or even shame but you? there isn’t a moment where you don’t feel rage at the loss of normalcy. your sense of ease has been stolen from you and it’s never been anyones to take. still, every time you begin the tale again, the nausea returns. the incessant queasiness finds its way back into your system.

“he’s been back every day since. he gets gin and tonic and a water. then, he got my number; don’t know how that happened, by the way. in comes the texts and calls and flowers and gifts. i told him i don’t want to talk to him, ‘kuna. i swear i did,” you turn your attention towards him. the salty tears fill your eyes once again. it’s already embarrassing enough to be here under such circumstances. there’s no help in crying. you wipe them as quickly as they fall in an attempt to build a facade that everything is fine. “he keeps texting me anyway. i’ve blocked every number, i went to the police, i did it all. this is the first time he’s ever followed me. i was just walking home from the parking lot but i didn’t want him to know where i lived so i . . . i called you.”

sukuna sighs. it’s long and drawn out, accompanied by a hand that runs through his pink hair and down his face. he pulls at the skin on is face while strolling down the hallway in your direction. it’s a lot to handle in one night with no obvious path to decide on. he supposes as long as you feel safe, things will be okay. it’s just a matter of sorting this out with the police. until then, “no yeah, that’s fine. that’s fine, ☆. call me for things like this. like i said, stay here as long as you need and we’ll sort this out in the morning.”

it’s a sentence weighted with uncertainty. there is no defined explanation behind deal with it in the morning. there is no record behind tonight other than sukuna as a verbal witness. you didn’t even get a peak at the guy’s face. if the police didn’t take you seriously then, they won’t take you seriously now. you’re damn sure of that. it’s out of your hands though, because the effects of your panic have induced a sleepiness like no other now that you’re no longer on edge. you have no reason to argue and no leg to stand on so you nod and allow sukuna to lead you upstairs in hopes of unwinding from tonight.

[name-6775]

I started rereading the kotlc books some while ago and I have been writing down all the quotes that I have been able to find and that I have liked from each book, so now that the kotlc quote bracket is finished I wanted to share a part of my list:

Keeper of the lost cities:

“Okay,” she agreed. If he refused to be serious, so would she. “Fine. I’m an elf. Am I supposed to help Frodo destroy the ring and save Middle-earth? Or do I have to make toys in the North Pole?” - Sophie

“There’s no reason to worry” - Alden

“I have a feeling you can do pretty much anything you put your mind to. So stop doubting yourself and go prove me right” - Keefe

“I’d rather be punished for making the right decision than live with the guilt of making the wrong one for the rest of my life.” - Sophie

Keeper of the lost cities - Exile:

“Sparkles make everything better” - Biana

‘Those who wander are not lost’

‘Let the past be your guide’

“Follow the pretty bird across the sky” - Jolie / Prentice

“While I’m not the one who cast the first sparks, I am willing to help keep the flames alive” - Fintan

“Remember, if you fall apart, then all of this was a waste. Breaking Prentice led us to you—and my dad always believed you were the key to everything. It’s why he worked so hard to find you. So if you let the guilt break you, then everything he did was for nothing” - Alvar

“You’d be surprised at how powerful hope can be” - Terik

“I know I crack a lot of jokes, Sophie, but . . . that’s just because it’s easier, you know? It’s how I deal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. A lot” - Keefe

“We could all use a little more weird in our lives” - Fitz

Keeper of the lost cities - Everblaze:

“There’s no reason to worry too much” - Alden

“I’ve realized now that our world doesn’t define us. We define our world” - Grady

“Right. Because our family doesn’t decide who we are. We decide who we are. Believe me, it drives my parents crazy. And sometimes that’s the only thought that gets me through the day” - Keefe

“The right road is rarely the easy road. And no war was ever fought without casualties” - Mr. Forkle

“There will always be people who disappoint us, and it’s up to us to decide when to forgive, and when to walk away” - Edaline

“Hindsight is a dangerous game to play” - Edaline

“And if whatever you’re chasing starts to catch up with you—run, don’t walk away” - Edaline

“It takes a special person to see darkness inside of someone and not condemn them” - Bronte

“Because of one simple fact: I knew it was right” - Alden

“It reminds us just how small we really are, and how big the rest of the world is by comparison. One person is not the source of anything—it’s millions of pieces all working together. And it shows us that there’s always hope—always light. No matter how much darkness we might be facing” - Edaline

[electricbluebutterflies]

for the prompt list, fixing clothing for Cala and Tenax

Lookit, I have a new rarepair to be obsessed with!! Post-1x07 // kinda a coda scene, PG-ish, also on ao3.

She’s alive.

She’s… alive, and not bleeding anywhere deep or vital, and-

For a moment, a moment she is not sure she has, Cala is in shock, and she suspects the night will somehow get stranger before it ends.

She is against the wall and then she is not; she is in the arms of someone she has come to realize does not show emotion easily, and-

She hasn’t had time to think about that, but what she knows is enough. Better man than he thinks let alone what she expected when paths crossed, and currently clinging to her for reasons she suspects are more complicated than his own physical damage, and-

It’s been a long time. She’s been widowed twelve years. Always other priorities. Never-

She is alive. She’s not sure she should be alive. She was almost very brutal collateral damage. She was almost…

She feels unstable on her own feet. That makes two of them. She is unsure who relies more on the other, slow walk home and it has become home, she can admit that now, still not permanent but not-

What if she wants-

It has been, she thinks, far too long since her own possible interests have had any power on her. She survives, and she’d like to think she’s good at it, and everything she has become is so-

What if she wants something, for once?

She’s in no condition for such thoughts, she reminds herself, and there are other priorities, there is always something else, there is always-

“Let me.”

They are in the apartment now, safe, and there is something fragile about to happen, something she is not-

Safe hands on her skin, wet cloth on her face. How much of this blood is hers? Does it matter? Does she want to know? Does she want-

“I can-“

“This happened because of me. You were almost… the least I can do is-“

She doesn’t have the energy to spar. She’s come to like that in these weeks, something almost affectionate in how he looks at her when she challenges him, like he wants-

“I owe you my life.”

“Then we’re even.”

They’ve played out this moment a few times already in opposite positions, how quickly she stopped questioning what happened, easier to care first and worry later, easier to-

He is as thorough in this as she could expect, light touch and slow movements, working down her face and neck and-

“I’m just… forgive me, if-“

There is nothing to forgive, Cala thinks as he straightens the neckline of her dress. Perhaps slightly indecent, but not with any intent beyond the obvious, she does believe that much, she does-

Her hand covers his, still innocent enough close enough to her shoulder, and maybe it’s still the shock running through her veins that makes her want to do something reckless, maybe her mind is too many places, maybe-

“I wouldn’t stop you,” she breathes.

She shouldn’t be surprised by the near-horrified look she gets in return, and yet… there is something comforting about it all the same, all those reminders turned accurate, nights she’s slept through and-

“Even if… neither of us is in any state for-“

“Perhaps not for what you see when you drag your friends out of the gutter, but-“

“If you have ever thought I would-“

“Not long enough to actually fear you.”

He returns to his tasks in perfect silence, slowly working down her arms, lingering on her hands and-

“I think that’s all of it.”

“Good thing my dress is the color it is,” she murmurs.

“Another thing I owe you.”

“You didn’t-“

“Let me do what I have to do to ease the guilt of-“

“I like deep colors,” she says before this gets out of hand. “Or you could just give me the money and-“

“You wouldn’t use it for you.”

He does have a point, and-

“Something pretty for next time I have to take your box at the track.”

Another look of horror, but more playful this time, more-

“Is there anything you won’t do when I’m not looking?”

“I’m not trying to-“

“Gold. To match that knife of yours.”

“I do-“

“If I’d gotten there a second later-“

She melts. It’s just easier. She could say she’s alright now until her voice runs out, or she could let herself be held again and get the same point across just as clearly, and there is something hesitant and beautiful and she wonders and she wants and she won’t and-

“I owe you,” she repeats.

“No you don’t. Now we’re even.”

[chlorine-and-daisies]

ok but the more i think about it the more i believe that the deck is stacked against good omens s3, plot-wise, and a LOT of it is s2's fault...assuming that the show will come out of the pause with a new showrunner, i'm wishing them the best of luck...bc they're DEFINITELY gonna need it...

the big one that hangs over everything else for me is that *s2 e4 confirms that human souls get tortured in hell for eternity, rather than just milling around or slowly dissipating or whatever.* and it gets glossed over in the show, the people who we see get threatened with this are legitimately evil and before long we're back to watching aziraphale and crowley flirt over wine, so it's easy to not think seriously about it...however i for one will *always* believe that infinite punishment for a finite life is horrifying and that the writers absolutely did not think through the implications of this. aziraphale is hanging onto a shop full of stories written by people who died and are now in neverending pain (which could be an interesting concept if they actually addressed that part of his guilt, i assume he just barely manages to convince himself that anyone who deserves it will be saved in the rapture, but they Didn't Really Address It)....crowley is now directly implicated in sending people to that pain (i assume that's part of what he's drinking to forget but they Didn't Really Address That either). i don't know how they are supposed to fix this...but if they don't COMPLETELY address and overhaul this system in s3 it will overshadow ANY possible happy ending in my mind. WHAT IS THE POINT OF STOPPING THE SECOND COMING IF SO MANY HUMAN SOULS ARE STUCK IN HELL AND THE REST ARE IN WHATEVER BORING RESTRICTIVE THING HEAVEN'S COME UP WITH?!?! hot take but maybe we Would be better off just destroying the world at that point, so no new humans can be born and doomed to suffer eternally? and that is DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT YOUR AUDIENCE TO BE THINKING IN A COMEDY WHERE THERE'S VERY LITTLE CHANCE OF ACTUALLY DESTROYING THE WORLD!!! if you want me to laugh and happily watch you save the world, then saving the world needs to be a good thing...

also, s2 shows god talking directly to job, and it's...really scary, even though it's played for laughs? it's much easier to tell a story where the world is under an absent god who just reads the footnotes and laughs ineffably out of anyone's earshot, as She is in s1, than a god who is outright mocking and unable to be reasoned with....it's gonna be Really Hard to write a happy ending with This version of god. either She just has to not show up at all anymore, or She will need to be reasoned with (which seems hard to do, given Job), or She will need to be fought....do any of our protagonists have the power to kill God? Would that even make for good tv or a satisfying ending?

the more i think about it the more immature "they're not talking" seems...when the whole world is at stake and they love each other so much...

finally, s2 gives all these hints about crowley having been very powerful as an angel...possibly even an archangel...feel free to disagree with me on this, but I *personally* could not care less about who he used to be. it doesn't impress me at all, i'd prefer to keep it a mystery, and if anything crowley having lots of power (and aziraphale being promoted) takes away from their characters bc he and aziraphale were always supposed to be just middle managers who have more in common with each other than their bosses, a la cold war spies...I don't think Pratchett believed that might makes right and I don't want crowley and aziraphale to just wave their hands and stop armageddon pt 2 with an 8 billion lazarii miracle, even if it is a mIrAcLe oF LoVe........But s2 just Kept On Prodding with those incredibly obvious hints, so now it'll be weird if Crowley's past and power *doesn't* become central to the resolution of s3...the best I can hope for is some sort of schrodinger's archangel...i'm predicting that we'll get the confirmation that crowley Was an archangel but hoping that it won't affect the plot in any real way...

please note that i am NOT saying this with any bad intentions. despite the gaping plotholes i am a huge fan of the show and characters, and i really hope that s3 will come back with someone kind and capable and thoughtful! it's just like...how will they get out of this one, yknow?

[bookofmirth]

I was thinking about when Lucien tells Feyre that she was a better friend to him than she was to her, and how we as readers have reacted to that line over the years, and had a few thoughts.

The main thing is that characters can and will do/say things that they believe to be true, that we know are not actually true. The characters may also know that they are untrue, but don't want to admit. We lie to ourselves all the time, and characters do too. It may not even be the case that sjm wants *us* to believe that Lucien is speaking the truth. The important thing is that, in that moment, Lucien believes that he is speaking the truth.

We should not confuse what the characters are saying with what the author is saying. An author is NOT their characters. A character can and will say/do things that an author does not agree with, and may not even like. A character saying/doing something is NOT an endorsement of saying/doing that thing by the author. (This can be easier to understand when you read poetry - though there has been an increase in confessional poetry in the past few decades which is largely autobiographical, the narrator of a poem is NOT necessarily the same as the author of a poem.)

This isn't to say that Feyre is being an unreliable narrator; we have Lucien's literal words that he spoke to her, there was no reflection on those words by Feyre that tells us what she thinks of them, and she would have no reason to lie. As a fandom, I wish we could stop getting so hung up on the idea of unreliable narrators and differing character perspectives as a means to argue that one character is "more right" than another, or that we get "the truth" when we view from a specific character's eyes. That's... not how it works. There is no such thing as an objective way of viewing pretty much anything. Everything relies on perspective. We all hear/read things and those things get filtered through the giant pasta strainer of our upbringing, our beliefs, our values, our professions, our hobbies, etc. SJM has never been an author to use unreliable narration, but she does use differing perspectives. If she didn't, then every single character would seem like the same person. It's 10000% normal for us to understand characters and events differently when we hear about them from another character.

So back to my main point, I think that we can read this as Lucien genuinely believing this statement to be true - that he truly thinks that Feyre was a better friend to him if we consider his context.

Lucien has no real home with stability. He was banished from Autumn, he is estranged from his brothers, he cannot be there to protect his mother, his role in Spring has some importance but is reliant on the goodwill of someone who is, frankly, increasingly unstable. Lucien likely feels very indebted to Tamlin, and now that Feyre is Tamlin's bride/ex-fiancée, to her. There is also the role that she played UtM in trying to help Lucien. In other words, thanks to Beron being an asshole, Lucien relies on other people's goodwill for his basic survival. (This is why, later on, he would rather stay with the BoE. He isn't beholden to them in the same way that he would be to Rhys, yet another person taking pity on Lucien's dépaysement.)

In retrospect, Lucien feels guilt for not having done more when Feyre was suffering in acomaf. It's easier for him to see how she was suffering because he was suffering in an adjacent manner. In the beginning of acomaf, Feyre was making excuses for Tamlin, trying to be patient, to wait out his anger and grief at what happened UtM. Lucien was doing the exact same thing, but it took him longer to recognize how toxic it was because Lucien, unlike Feyre, didn't have the advantage of someone literally swooping in to take him away and give him perspective. He got there, though, when Tamlin starts working with Hybern and especially after he sees Feyre back in Spring, which leads me to my next point.

Lucien is clearly wary of Feyre's lies while she is in the Night Court. He suspects that she is pretending to be in love with Tamlin, pretending to be loyal to the Spring Court. This reinforces his understanding of just how toxic Spring has become, the fact that Feyre saw it, understood, and acted before he did. So tying these issues together - Lucien's exile, his reliance on other people for stability, his dawning understanding that Feyre recognized the situation for what it was before he did, that he has ended up in this situation where his mate is now at risk - and Lucien feels a whole lot of "if only I had..." And he now sees Feyre as someone who saw the situation for what it was before he did, and acted accordingly. But we as the reader know why that was harder for Lucien.

So going back to my point about Lucien believing this is all true, we know that it's not, and that's a normal part of being a reader. Lucien makes that statement after telling Feyre about Ianthe and Calanmai; we know that not long after, right after she tells Lucien that she wishes she could have stopped his assault, she nearly - knowingly - allows it to happen again. Lucien's words and Feyre's actions don't align, and there is nothing in the narrative that tells us that her actions are okay.

(A related rant, but characters don't need to be punished for us to understand if their actions are morally okay or not. We are smart people, we can tell that for ourselves. It may be annoying to us if they aren't punished, but that's another idea that has pervaded book spaces - that if problematic action isn't punished or portrayed negatively, then the author must think it's okay. No, maybe the author trusts us to know what's right and what's not, and doesn't feel the need to beat us over the head with it because books do not have to be moral, didactic tools.)

SJM could have written it so that Feyre didn't hesitate to help Lucien. She could have written it so that Feyre didn't intentionally try to put Lucien in the path of Tamlin's anger. She could have written Feyre to be a saint, but she didn't, and just because another character views Feyre's actions favorably doesn't mean that we have to, because we have the benefit of knowing that sometimes, people lie to themselves and/or say things they don't truly mean or believe. And furthermore, just because one character views Feyre's actions favorably, doesn't mean that SJM does. Remember - the characters =/= the author. SJM doesn't actually believe or agree with everything the characters say and do. She doesn't have to agree with anything they say or do.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[devotioncrater]

when ted shakes the snowglobe and thinks of the people he's leaving behind, the first person he thinks of is trent

and it's not just that he's thinking about trent; he's thinking about the love letter trent wrote him, how ted loves it (and draws a moustached smile to make trent smile), but how ted can't possibly accept it [it being all about him]. and yet he sees trent in golden, sunflower, home.

literally SO fucking ill about this, thank you, anon.

i truly believe if dottie hadn't manipulated/triggered ted like she did the episode beforehand, something would have become of ted and trent. it's right there in what you described! there's always been this silently loud, gravitational pull between them.

trent is who ted thinks of first when he thinks of richmond, when he pours celebratory shots after victories, when he looks across a locker room while making a point in a speech.

ted is who trent thinks of first when he thinks of richmond, when he goes to follow his bliss, when he wants to live his life authentically.

it's truly bizarre and so so sad to see ted not be able to accept his positive role in other's lives. it's easier for him to lean into the role of Fixer with henry, to self-blame, to only view the negative role he (falsely!) believes he plays in his son's life. he cannot handle even the slightest notion of merging both aspects of his two separate lives (remember colin's ache? the concept could apply here too) because to do that requires acceptance of the self.

which! trent mentioned in the last diamond dogs meeting that it's not about change so much as acceptance of your past. ted was getting better through the season and he was starting to accept his past, until dottie steamrolled in during a vulnerable moment and fucking threw it back in his face. "your son misses you." + "fuck you."

every action ted has done in the series has been to not wind up like his father. he consciously chose to be kind and forgiving and optimistic when it would have been easier (and at times healthier) to lean into anger and hurt. his father's suicide has been the through-line this entire time. a ghost which haunts ted's worldview.

and dottie, unfortunately, played a major role in why ted only ever feels like he is loved/valued when something is needed from him. when he has to fix or care for or coach either someone or something. by dottie not working on herself, by not getting them both help after ted's dad's suicide, by not talking about it, she effectively Parentified a teenager and shut down communication at the same time. onscreen she only ever gives a shit about ted when she wants something. it's all her. her insecurities/guilt about how she parented ted become a knife wielded against him for how he untraditionally chooses to parent henry and for how he chooses to live his life.

dottie saw how much healthier ted is in richmond and could not see outside herself for more than two seconds to recognize it as a good thing. she instead felt threatened enough to effectively trigger ted into a catatonic low. to get him away from a support system and therapist who truly love him in a way she never could or can. to isolate him. nothing puts the fear of god into an abuser quite like a support system their victim can turn to. (why do you think rupert isolated rebecca?)

and trent? trent was a part of that support system. a divorced, gay man who wrote hundreds of pages about The Lasso Way, who's main inspiration was ted, who loved ted for all his flaws, who pushed ted with hard questions, who got all his references, who quit his whole career over ted, who at the end of the day just wanted ted to laugh with and like this book-love-letter he wrote for him. just wanted ted to recognize and accept that Coach Ted Lasso From America is a good man.

but ted? freshly triggered, catatonic depressive ted? cannot accept this reality. because to do so would mean acknowledgement of the silently loud, gravitational pull they have towards each other, and what that means, and how happy that has made him feel, and how trent would openly love him unconditionally if ted just allowed it. nothing to fix, nothing to take care of.

it goes against all this fucked conditioning ted's grown up with, where he's been triggered back to. beyond the role of Fixer, beyond his inability to accept help/love, beyond even his conditioned sexuality. it directly challenges the reality of a lonely kid who was often forgotten about by his parents in places. a lonely kid who other kids often underestimated and didn't care to ask questions about, to get to know. at sixteen, that same lonely kid walked in on his father's suicide and then had to walk through the grief alone, traumatized out his mind with no healthy way of expressing it. all the while wondering if he was to blame.

that is who ted regressed back into.

and it isn't until ted is back in that familiar box that he dares dream about trent again. because hey, that's all it was between them, right? a nice fantasy. it wasn't a reality. nah, not a chance. because In Real Life Ted Lasso Does Not Deserve That Level Of Support Or Love.

[inkheartedwanderer]

please, let me get what i want || e.m.

(lord knows it would be the first time) 

in which the wounds of the heart hurt more than those of the flesh, but they’re easier to fix

based on this song

eddie x reader.

content: post S4 (super minor spoilers), eddie survives, mentions of death and blood, this is mostly eddie’s headspace, i guess? pining, jealousy and insecurities. i just really want to give this guy a hug.

word count: 3k

Eddie Munson doesn’t consider himself a religious person. He’s dealt with too much shit in his short life to really care about whether there’s a higher power somewhere in the universe or not. If anything, he’d say he’s always been left to his own devices, so fuck whoever’s supposed to be looking after him. Theological matters are not something he’s ever been particularly concerned about, anyways. 

Having spent the last ten days bound to a hospital bed, however, Eddie’s had plenty of time to reflect on his pathetic existence and the string of unfortunate events that have led him to this situation. In these ten days, he’s thought about his parents more often than he has in the last ten years -his father leaving for good after being in and out of prison for months, his mother’s untimely passing when he was too young to understand she was never coming back, and the sharp pain that floods his chest if he dwells on the thought of them for too long. He’s thought about Wayne, constantly taking extra shifts at the plant so he could put food on the table, and how he’s repaid him by failing senior year once, and then a second time. A triple-senior loser drug dealer, always being too much -too loud, too weird, too freakish-, but never enough. Not attractive enough, not smart enough, definitely not rich enough.

He’s also thought about death, and how closely he tasted it. The harrowing tangibility of his own mortality, sticking to his skin until he was coated in it, until he couldn’t breathe, washing over him like a tidal wave. He’s thought about Chrissy, and Patrick, and Nancy’s friend Fred, who weren’t as lucky as him. About how scared he was when Dustin found him, choking on his own blood, scared of dying, of dying alone, scared of what was waiting for him, scared that he wasn’t seeing any holy light amidst the darkness and he was supposed to, right? 

And all he feels right now is guilt, because he’s thought about all of that and still, the main object of his musings the last ten days has been you. That’s why he’s considering that surely there must be some kind of deity, that there must be a heaven somewhere, because you’re an angel.

Soft in the way you speak and in the way you move, delicate when you touch him, Eddie still can’t believe that you’re not a figment of his imagination. In this aseptic limbo, the best part of his dreary days is getting to spend time with you. You, sweet as sugar, lovely as can be, arriving with the early morning light and leaving at nightfall when someone else forces you to go home and get some rest. 

You didn’t even have it in you to pretend to be mad at him when he woke up, disoriented and confused, covered in bandages, every inch of his body sore and in pain. “You scared me half to death, Munson,” you’d said, looking at him through teary lashes, “don’t ever go playing the hero again, please.” It was a whispered imploration, so gently spoken that he could only nod his head yes.

He’d do anything you asked him to.

Ever since he met you, there’s a strange new feeling nestled in the pit of his stomach, or maybe just above, by his heart, and Eddie can’t quite put a name to it, can’t make sense of it, because he didn’t know who you were two weeks ago.

The feeling is warm and light, a comfortable weight in his chest that blooms in flowers and vibrates through his bones when you walk in the room, when you sit by his side and quietly start talking to him. About nothing, about everything -news about Max, who’s doing better by the day; a book or movie or song you like and think Eddie will enjoy too, the puppy that came up to you that morning on your way to the hospital-, whatever crosses your mind is good. And he listens willingly. He likes hearing your voice and its cadence, he likes how everything you say seems deliberate and how your smile shines through your words.

He felt it first in the cold, humid boathouse, as you sat side by side on the wooden floor for two days, your leg pressed against his and both of you scared to death. Eddie found solace in your company, in how you chose to stay with him even though you had, quite literally, just met him.

“We’re not leaving him here alone, Steve.” You’d said, an unexpected determination settling in the frown between your eyebrows.

And you didn’t, even though Steve tried to dissuade you and Max and Robin shared a worried look. You stayed, and told him things would be alright. You sat down next to him and let him hurt in silence when he needed to, and vent when his thoughts became too much. 

You stayed, you sat and you listened to him without judgement, and suddenly you were looking out the window as the sun set outside, and your face was painted in shades of gold and lilac and Eddie had never seen anything quite as beautiful as you.

Minutes blended into hours and lighthearted comments turned into lengthy conversations inside that boathouse. In the rare times Eddie felt safe enough to let his guard down, his usual playful demeanour surfaced. Somehow, you found his knack for the dramatic hilarious, and countered his witty remarks with your own, good-natured and sprightly, with just the right amount of mischief to keep up with him.

The feeling blossomed in his heart and took shelter between his ribs, a nice kind of ache, one Eddie wasn’t used to, but that felt strangely familiar, as if he had been born to feel it, to find you, to know you. Damn his fantasy books and their promise of adventure and true love, and damn those metal songs for tricking him into thinking freaks like him could find the one, too.

But it grows heavy sometimes, a lead blanket that weighs him down and makes him feel vulnerable, minuscule. When his insecurities take over, it’s easy to believe the darkness that clouds his brain, his own voice humming harsh cruelties, reminding him of everything that he is -loud, weird, a freak- and everything he’s not -not enough, never enough, and not Steve fucking Harrington.

How could he ever compete if he doesn’t even compare?

Although you’ve mentioned before that Steve’s like the brother you’ve never had, it’s hard for Eddie not to read too much into the way he looks at you, or how easy it is for him to reach out and touch you, how easy it is for you to lean into it, and just how fucking much Eddie wants to be the one by your side… well, at all times.

Like right now.

It’s late. Eddie’s not sure exactly how late, but the sky outside is the colour of dark blue ink, splattered with stars, and the rusty orange glow of the streetlamps is casting shadows across the floor of his hospital room. He’s just woken up from a long nap, one of the many his body demands every day (who knew that almost dying would be so exhausting?) and the chair beside his bed is empty, your jacket draped over its back, your perfume lingering in the air.

He sighs deeply, eyes closed, sinking against the pillow. There’s an ache in his bones that doesn’t seem to go away despite all the painkillers the doctors have put him on, and it clings to him like the cold in the room. He’s tired and he’s cranky, it’s hard not to be when inhaling feels like breathing fire and he’s only allowed to get out of bed to go to the toilet; even harder when he looks out the ajar door and sees you, leaning against the wall next to Steve, eyes closed, your head on his shoulder.

The boy’s hands are respectfully tucked between his legs, and his gaze is trained on the floor. You are muttering to one another in low voices that Eddie can’t make out, but you look exhausted. Harrington, of course, looks straight out of a magazine with perfect hair and fancy clothes.

Eddie stares forlornly, eyebrows furrowed and pouting lips. He wishes more than anything to be the one to ease the worry on your face, the one you go to for support, for company, for advice. Still, the weight in his ribcage and the lump in his throat are too heavy to call your name, tell you to come and sit, tell you that he’ll let you rest your head on his shoulder and he’ll even hold your hand, ask you to please let him.

It’s a sensation he knows all too well, the bitter resentment of feeling like the second, third, last, worse choice. He’s good at pushing and pushing it down until it becomes nothing but a dark smudge at the back of his mind. This time, though, it poisons him from within until it’s all he tastes in his mouth.

And the worst part is he can’t even hate Steve. He’s been kind to Eddie. He helped him get out of the trailer park alive, he’s come to keep him company every other day, and he’s actually a pretty nice dude. Could he really blame you if you fell in love with Steve? He doesn’t believe so, but his throat constricts at the thought.

But as if you could read his mind, you open your eyes and find his gaze with yours. Suddenly, the sullen expression is gone from your face, the corners of your mouth are curving upwards and you're moving away from Steve and into the room.

"Hey, you're awake!" Your voice is soft, barely a loud whisper, and the dim light from the hall obscures your silhouette for a fraction of a second as you rush through the door and plop down on the worn-out chair by his side.

Eddie doesn’t miss the way your hand falls to rest on the bed, close to his own, twin sets of fingers twitching, tips tingling, eager for contact. He doesn’t dare move, but he looks up at you and you’re wearing the sweetest smile he’s ever seen in his life, the type of smile he’s never felt worthy of receiving.

His voice is hoarse with sleep and stuck emotions when he mutters, “Yeah, hi. You’re here.” The boy gasps when he feels the gentle touch of your fingers on the back of his hand, drawing circles and waves that ripple through his blood and tint his cheeks pink. Your smile widens, becomes softer, and your eyes mirror the look in his, shiny with unspoken affection.

“I’m gonna go see Max and then I’m out.” Steve, leaning against the rails of the bed, throws a thumb over his shoulder and nods his head at you. “You sure you don’t want me to drive you home?”

You shake your head no and tuck your hand in Eddie’s, and he swears he sees the sparks flying where his skin and yours touch. “I’m staying here tonight if that’s alright with you.” A gentle pressure of your fingers brings Eddie’s attention back to your eyes. “Is it?”

He nods, the most subtle movement, almost a blink-and-you-miss-it gesture, but enough for you to chuckle and tell your friend to go.

“Alright then,” Steve pats Eddie on the shoulder, more gently than anyone would expect from him, that fervent need to look after people shining through, so characteristically Steve, Eddie has learned, “you take care of each other, yeah? I’ll swing by tomorrow.”

And, with a soft smile, he leaves without waiting for an answer, leaving you two alone. A comfortable silence fills the room, one you’re both used to by now, as you stand and move around the space, placing your backpack on the windowsill, getting ready to spend the night by Eddie’s side. His skin still feels the ghost of your hand over his, its absence an emptiness that he yearns to fill again.

"You don't have to stay, you know that, right?" He whispers, the remnants of his jealousy still burning on his tongue, words fighting against his own willpower when he speaks next. “You should go home and get some rest. Go find Steve, go home.”

“Don’t be silly,” you reply, mirroring his tone but softer, sweeter, oozing a kindness Eddie’s not sure he’s earned. “I want to stay. Plus, I had a great nap earlier today.” 

Eddie doesn’t understand why you’re so nice to him all the time, but he’s not about to argue. He falls silent, looking up at the ceiling as you sit down, bend your arms and lean on the edge of the bed. He can feel your eyes studying his face carefully, blinking slowly, and your lips turning upwards.

“Do you remember when we were hiding in Skull Rock?” You say, sitting down and bringing your knees to your chest.

“Yeah.” Eddie frowns. The memories of his days on the run are the most unwelcome ones.

Soaked and tired, covered in mud and sticky leaves, you sat side by side under the solid protection of the rock. Eddie was trying hard not to cry, not in front of you. It would’ve been the cherry on top of the cake, and the last thing he needed was to embarrass himself further.

He leaned his head against the stone and willed himself to calm down. He then looked at you through pinched eyebrows, calling your name softly. “I’m sorry.”

You rubbed your clammy cheek with the back of your hand and shrugged. “This is not your fault, Eddie.” It hurt to see the pained expression on the boy’s brown eyes, their usual sweetness replaced by pure despair, their spark gone.

“But it is.” The boy shut his eyes tight and ran a dirty hand through his hair. It felt gross, messy and knotted. “I’m sorry that you’re stuck with me. This sucks. I’m sorry.”

A cold hand wrapped around his, pulling it away from his face, and you were looking at him with so much resolve he almost fell backwards. “Eddie, I said I’d stay with you and I meant it. And I’d do it again, alright? I’ll be damned if I let you go through this alone. Okay?”

Eddie blinked and you blinked back at him. Your next words cut through the cold air of the early dawn like a knife, an arrow straight to his heart. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Your eyes now are softer than they were that night, but the conviction shining on them is just as firm, exuding reassurance and affection just for him, an affection you’ve never felt for anyone before but the boy in front of you earned in a matter of hours. “My word still stands.”

No, Eddie Munson is not a religious person, but later tonight, when he wakes up after a vivid nightmare, he looks at your figure, curled up on that ugly, uncomfortable chair, so close to him that he can hear your soft breathing, so close he could caress your cheek if he reached out; and then he looks at the clear dark sky behind you, and the million shiny stars that frame you, rings of diamonds with you at the centre, and then Eddie whispers a quiet prayer, a humble plea, a wish for only him and the quiet of the night to know. 

He asks for you to stay, once again, to stay as you have before, like you said you would; he pleads to keep the one good thing that's come out of this nightmare, the best thing that's happened to him in a long time, maybe ever. 

Eddie Munson calls to the gods, the ones people talk about on the street and the ones he knows from his books and his games, and he confronts them -his life is a mess, where are they, where have they been all this time- and bargains -they owe him, they owe him this one thing, this wish that's hidden like a secret in his heart-, and whispers your name like a sacred prayer, very low and very carefully, cherishing every letter, kissing them as the air leaves his lips.

And he truly thinks you can read his mind, there must be a connection between you two, because your eyes flutter open, and they gleam in the faint light that creeps under the closed door when you look at him, and your mouth curves upwards in that sweet way you save for only him.

You look so lovely, with your hair tousled and your cheeks apple pink, so sweet in your big clothes that seem to swallow you whole -in his sleepy state, it takes him a second to realise you’re wearing an old black hoodie of his-, that Eddie feels his heart skip a beat, and two and three. It’s overwhelming, really, how much he likes someone he’s just met, someone he barely knows. It’s worse when he notices you’re looking at him the way he’s looking at you.

The chair scrapes the floor when you pull it closer to his bed, and you lean your head on the uncomfortable mattress, your temple against his shoulder. Your hand travels down his arm until your fingers can wrap around his, warm and soft against his calloused digits. 

Eddie blinks back the tears that threaten to fall from his tired eyes. You’re real, and you’re there by his side, looking up at him through your lashes like he’s the only other person in the world. 

He squeezes your hand. You squeeze back. Your twin giggles break through the silence of the hospital room. Maybe for now, this is enough.

The stars outside twinkle when he looks out the window again, the words dying between his lips. Thank you.

                                                 🌷 🌷 🌷

a/n: thank you for reading if you’ve made it to the end, I hope you liked it. I had the song on repeat for hours when I started this one, and it’s both very sad and very beautiful, I had to write something. Likes, reblogs and comments are always welcome and appreciated. Much love!

[eraserisms]

Shota + Harmful Coping Mechanisms

While Shota does have a lot of coping strategies that are considered to be seen as normal and healthy, there is always the other side of the coin. He has a lot of bad ones as well. Shota doesn't depend on all of these strategies into his late twenties and into his thirties, but a reoccurring theme that you will find on this blog is that progress isn't always linear. Just because people occasionally slip back into bad habits, doesn't mean that they aren't getting better or not learning from their experiences. In fact, I believe that stumbling is a big part of making any sort of progress. Having the ability to shake it off and get back on the horse is crucial to self growth and it's best to learn how to do it early. In some cases, I find that those who don't make mistakes along the way tend to fall and they fall hard when they do have some sort of relapse. A majority of Shota's negative coping strategies were born out of Shota's survivor's guilt surrounding Shirakumo's death & other mental illnesses. His strategies are primarily of a self-destructive nature & primarily consist of avoidance techniques.

Over-exercising:

We see in Vigilantes that after Oboro's death that Shota throws himself into training and focusing on improving his skills & technique. While exercise can be something healthy and a good way to spend pent up energy, that isn't how Shota utilizes it. While in school, more often than not Shota would train until he dropped or even push himself to the point of throwing up. This was done for two reasons; he wanted to make sure he didn't suffer the same fate as Oboro & If Shota was too fatigued, he couldn't spend his time ruminating about what he went through. This also falls under the category of risky behaviors. There has been more than one occasion that Shota has injured himself by overdoing it. Shota will do this on occasion as a means to try to improve or become stronger, but he has a much healthier mentality around it as he gets older. I also wanted to mention that exercise is a double-edged sword for Shota as I wrote here [1].

Over-working:

This is a strategy that Shota still uses to current day. It is something that goes hand-in-hand with the over exercising. Shota might not have as many jobs as Hizashi but Shota works as a hero and as a teacher. I also have mentioned that Shota does spend a lot of his time helping people around his neighborhood as well [2]. If Shota has worked himself to exhaustion, he is unable to think about things that are bothering him.

Promiscuity

The reason why I added sex to one of his negative strategies is partially due to Shota being demisexual and having a strong preference for men. This is where the self-destruction comes into play again. Although Shota doesn't know what demisexuality is [3], at the very least Aizawa knows he rather sleep with someone while being in a meaningful relationship vs. having a one night stand. Does Shota feel good in the moment? Sure. Does he feel like shit immediately after? Nearly every time. He knows that it won't make him feel better, but it serves as a great distraction. It is important to know that his promiscuity falls not only the umbrella of avoidance strategies, but also falls under the category of risky behaviors. Not all of his interactions could have been considered exactly safe or sane, and sometimes Shota could find himself in the beds of some seedy individuals. A lot of encounters he had were unprotected. If his partner was okay with forgoing a condom, Shota was too. There also was a reason why I mentioned Shota's preference for men. He did have a lot of one night stands during during this period of his life and at the time, Shota didn't care what the gender/sex of his one night stand was. In general, it was easier for Shota to find a female participant over a man and Shota was willing to sleep with whoever was willing. This is also why I am open to roleplaying with people who have OCs that are supposed to be a child that Shota doesn't know about[4]. It is very possible that Shota does have a child that he is unaware of. This isn't something that he really does much at all as an older adult. He may have a one night stand when he has an itch to scratch, but it isn't something that he abuses. He is a lot more selective about who he does hook up with and with his hero career and being a teacher, it's difficult to find the time even if he wanted to.

Substance Abuse

Alcohol is something that Shota depended on regularly as an older teenager and into his early twenties. If Shota didn't have any obligations the next day, he would spend his nights drinking. Sometimes, heavy drinking is how how Shota found his way into a stranger's bed. He was rather dependent on it for a while but eventually decided to get sober. Alcohol is something that he sometimes uses as a crutch when he is having a really bad time, but he doesn't get black out drunk like he has in the past. He can imbibe in moderation and is content with drinking socially. Marijuana is rather difficult to find in Japan due to the country's strict drug polices. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible to find either. With Shota being an underground hero, it was something that was easy for him to obtain. Shota has dealt with a lot of illegal drug trafficking with his undercover work. From time to time Shota would have to partake as a means to keep himself safe and undercover. Whenever Shota could avoid using drugs with criminals, he would. But being off the clock was a different story. If Shota was alone and holed up in his apartment, he would smoke here and there to help ease his mind. Shota snuffed out this habit completely before he decided to take his position at UA and this isn't something he does present day. Cigarettes are bad, everyone knows that. As a pre-teen, Shota was against smoking and that had partly to do with his father's own addiction. Shota could never understand why Aizawa Sr. was a smoker in light of the fact that he was a nurse [5]. After Oboro's death, Shota ended up picking up the habit and finally had come to an understanding as to why his father is a smoker. It has been something that Shota has been unable to put down and has become something that they bond over now. If Shota is at home and his dad is on the porch smoking, Shota usually follows after.

Positive Coping Strategies:

Part I Part II

[aquaburst3]

One debate going around on TWST Tumblr is about the OB boys and how the narrative handles them. On one side, we have someone saying that the OB boys' actions towards Yuu are shitty, horrible and traumatizing, so that the game should take time out to have Yuu lash out at them and have the boys "compensate Yuu for their actions". Some people agreed with that OP. One person in the replies of that post even went as far as to say that they quit playing the game based on that fact. On the other side, we have a person replying to that take basically rebutting that statement. They believe that the game shouldn't condemn them for their actions, and that we aren't meant to read their actions as scaring. Another portion of the fandom agreed with them. (No, I'm not tagging anyone for obvious reasons.) Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle between those extremes.

On one hand, we all came into this game knowing that they are based on Disney Villains, right? So, what the hell do some people expect? The NRC boys to be lovable Disney heroes with a heart of gold? Of course, they are gonna be morally grey anime pretty boys, who do some questionable actions. That's the whole fucking point of the game. xD

I also agree with that second OP that expecting "compensation" from people who were dicks towards you is not how life works. Sometimes people are just dicks towards you and you have to move on. Hell, I think characters like Vil compensated Yuu to a realistic amount where they acknowledged their actions, apologized and tried to make it up to them. I don't know what else some people want here.

On the other hand, I think this is one example of a HUGE flaw with the writing —the static characters and them having zero consequences for their actions, including their fucked up ones. Something I noticed in the game for awhile now is that most of the time, it completely brushes off the boys' actions and they get only a slap on the wrist. It's not just in cases of OBs either, it's in general. Almost Thanos Snap your friend? He instantly forgives you. Almost suck out the magic out of people and want to do it to the world? Nothing happens other than "forcing you to live with your guilt". Almost turn people into living puppets? You are allowed to get away scott free without anyone being the least bit mad about being almost subjected to a fate worse than death. You see what I mean? It's fucking laughable and unrealistic. Actions always have consequences, and so should theirs', whether they are based on villains or not. To be blunt, it's shitty writing. Plain and simple. Unless you are writing a flat arc, characters need to change and develop. It can be for the better or worse. But there has to be...something. Otherwise what the fuck is the point of having a story?

You can have both. You can write morally grey teen/young adult characters in a coming of age story AND have them have realistic consequences for their actions and grow and change. The Crows prove that.

The Crows from Six of Crows parallel the NRC students in a lot of ways. They are both in the same age range. (Even though, I think aging them up to be in their 20s and early 30s in the show was a smart move, since you can buy a guy in his late 20s being a powerful gang lord over a teenager. I think that's part of the reason why aging up the NRC boys to be 20-somethings in university is so popular in this fandom. It's much easier to buy Azul as a 20-something owning the lounge, for example. But that's besides the point.) Both have morals and care about a select few while being rather questionable. Both have done some VERY fucked up actions. For example, Kaz pulls out a guy's eyeball at one point. One key difference is that the Crows are more dynamic as characters and have actual consequences for their actions.

For example, Kaz is a hardened criminal who only shows his softer side to a select few. However, at the end of Crooked Kingdom, Inej, the woman he endlessly simps after and cares about a lot, says that she needs time away from him, joining a crew to find her lost family. The reason why he did this? Because he was emotionally constipated and needed to work on his issues more before getting into a relationship with her. That is a very real consequence for his actions and how he treated others. Hell, the way I interpreted that bit is that whenever she came back, she would be more ready to be in a relationship with him. (We would've gotten that in a SOC series. Thanks a lot, Netflixs!) There are plenty of other examples like that in the series. The group doesn't instantly let in Mattias into the fold thanks to him hunting down other Grisha before, tension forms between Jesper and Wylan thanks to the love triangle between them and Kuwei, etc.

The game could've done something like that. Have them still be morally grey people, but have fallout for some of their actions and have to earn their redemption. Do more things like what happened to Vil in Book 6...but have it actually make sense and not a stupid deus ex machina to make Malleus look like a Gary Stu. (God, the whole "Vil turning into an old man thing was fucking stupid.)

Plus, these guys are based on VILLAINS, so you'd think that characters like Ruggie would be more angry and want revenge. The fact that they quickly forgive and forget makes no sense in that regard as well. Hell, I'm still surprised that Ace, Leona and Vil never got mad at Honest Fellow or called him out in the new event. I thought they would try to kill him for what he did given the fact that they are based on villains. That's what the Crows would've done.

While, yes, I think part of this is due to the game's design as a gatcha. Plus, they want to make the boys as appealing to the player as possible in order to entice them pay more, so that includes not focusing on some of their deeds. However, I also think part of this is due to Yana herself.

During the 2020 guidebook interview, Yana said that she honestly believes that the boys' only appeal is that they are "bad" and they should always remain that way. So part of the reason why the game doesn't focus on that is because calling them out and having them change would go against her own mentality as a writer, because "character development=bad" to her, which hampers the story on all levels. That's why I think the light novel was able to dive into this aspect—Yana's not behind it, somebody else is. So, yes. Yana shares a chunk of the blame as well as the head writer, and is yet another example of her being a terrible one.

Another problem is that Yuu's lack of presence and blase attitude towards everything. The aren't phased by anything that happens to them in the narrative. It's not just the OBs either, but in general. On the first night, they have a GOOD night sleep despite being thrown into another world. When their home is destroyed in Book 6, they simply don't care. Like...what? Who acts like that? They have no impact on the events and mostly act as an observer, being more like the Crew in The Office than a fucking character. Hell, my toothbrush has more of a presence then Yuu! Again, it's shitty writing.

So, yeah. I think the side wanting these guys to be paragons of virtue or to make them repay Yuu for their actions is asinine. But at the same time, I think that Yuu's unrealistic responses to things, the character stagnation and them not having any real consequences to their actions is holding the story back. While I don't think the characters should beg for forgiveness from Yuu or go to rehab or something stupid like that, I think they should have some setbacks as a result of their actions that they have to work overcoming instead of moving on to the next boy. This should be a coming of age story, so that's a basic requirement that Yana is intentionally not meeting thanks to her own stupid mentality.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Gotta be real and admit that I don’t post anything here without questioning whether I’m wrong like 5 times, and then when I’m sure I’m right I might still be like “... but what if I’m wrong though.” So it’s very validating to me when the author posts saying things I already picked up on or suspected. For example: 

I think Simon will be confused about Agatha for a long time. 

I figured as much when see that the Simon in SFC has made so much progress both for himself and his relationship with Baz. We see him taking on a more caretaking role for the first time, working with Baz as a team, being open about his desire (takes nothing to get him turned on with Baz) while also implying his sex life with Baz is going very well – he’s very relaxed about trying to make a move etc etc. Huge difference between being alone with Baz and immediately going “I’m not gay,” apparently struggling to just say “I’m a man and you’re a man” in the context of considering sexuality etc and essentially responding “I’m sharing a bed with you while half naked and holding you close, I’m totally gay” when Baz says “you’re not gay.” All that progress and still... when he brings up Agatha, he hasn’t really progressed in comparison to where he was six months ago. He’s like “I was in survival mode” and “I could hope they would like me” about her parents while trying to survive with Baz’s parents, but he’s as “confusing” and “vague” as he was before when he’s essentially communicating he just didn’t like to touch Agatha as a boyfriend, period. 

I figured as much as well when I read MRB, an AU where the author tries to keep their essence, and Simon in his early 30s is out there saying “I’m GAY” to Baz with his whole chest, even explaining that he used to have a problem with that when he was younger and pissy (dating girls while in school, presumedly when he’s still just a teen) but not anymore (only men since Jeremy) and STILL he’s like “I never asked Agatha why she broke up with me.” One would assume that knowing that you’re gay would give you a pretty good idea as to why a relationship with a girl wouldn’t work out, yet here we are (Penny practically says as much: “you were miserable and gay together” etc). Even a Simon that knows himself remains “confused” about Agatha, even if he should know better. And it makes sense, given that Simon actively avoids thinking about Agatha. He doesn’t truly want their relationship in his head. How can you reach any understanding if you don’t even want to think about the thing too deeply? He gives indications that he has things to feel guilty about, but that’s it... In the trilogy, Simon only begins to process things because of Baz. Because he wants Baz to know or understand him better, even when Simon himself doesn’t understand. (When he’s alone in his head, guilt could also play into him not wanting to be like “yeah I dated her but never loved her, she’s beautiful but I was never attracted to her” because that would make him feel more guilty. He pushes all that asides when he senses Baz needs to be reassured though; he even fights Baz when Baz assumes he was into her... he doesn’t really want Baz to think that.)

Also:

Baz will never stop feeling jealous around Agatha. No matter how many times Simon tells him — or he tells himself — that he shouldn’t. She brings up old feelings. Of being the bad guy, of Simon being destined for someone else. Agatha is so beautiful … it’s hard for Baz.

“What the fuck. Why would you tell me this. Take it back,” I say, after having shared the whole essay on Baz’s insecurities. I mean, I know this, I sensed this, but goddammit it hurts. (Baz literally looks away from the image of them just standing together, linking it to the sun: it burns him.)

It’s so much easier to believe or internalize something that aligns with what we already believe than to believe something that completely contradicts it. Baz is attractive, but he doesn’t really see himself as desirable. He dresses as he does because he likes it and makes him comfortable, not because he wants to look hot. 

Baz doesn’t think he’s desirable. While Simon is thinking “I’m a Baz-sexual” while 100% meaning it, Baz is thinking of himself as a least desirable option than a girl post-sex. It’s fucked up. A fucking tragedy. It’s realistic and exactly how insecurities work (even if he catches himself like “I don’t actually know what I’m saying here” the thought still pops up!). I cannot do this. 

Agatha’s beauty is linked with desirability. It’s linked with being loved and desired. It’s appealing. All things Baz doesn’t think of himself. 

I suspect Simon could tell Baz “I’m a Baz-sexual” or “I’m absolutely gay, always have been” every single day and it wouldn’t make a difference... because it goes beyond Simon’s feelings. Simon letting Baz know he was neither in love nor attracted to Agatha wouldn’t fully take the sting out of “Simon was destined for Agatha/the golden destiny” even if Baz believes him. From where Baz stood, destiny didn’t have any fucks to give about what the people affected wanted or felt. He himself felt trapped by destiny, but that doesn’t mean he ever believed it wouldn’t happen. He heard Agatha voicing she wants to escape the golden fate, but that doesn’t mean Baz believed then that she would be able to. Baz still believed Simon and Agatha would get back together after hearing Agatha say “I don’t want that.” 

With “what I’m a supposed to do with this apology, wipe my butt? feeling sorry means jackshit when you still said those terrible things, you still broke up with me” Baz shows a line of thinking that wouldn’t feel all that comforted by Simon’s lack of feelings for Agatha, even if knowing that does make it better. So what if he knows now that Simon didn’t love her when he lived for 3 years believing that he did? It doesn’t retrospectively erase that pain. So what if Simon didn’t really want Agatha, if he was still going along with the golden destiny? That kind of thing. 

Baz also struggles with receiving Simon’s intense, unconditional love. He doesn’t know how to be loved unconditionally – he’s always been loved despite some parts of himself. He’s always been otherized in ways that made him like a monster. When Simon tells him he loves every part of him, Baz doesn’t know how to react. 

That Simon already loved him when he dated Agatha is already hard to believe for Baz, but that would also play into the heart of his insecurities and issues: the beautiful Agatha would be “the most appealing choice” – she’s a human girl, and it leads to a traditional future of stability and security, the sort of future “everyone wants.” Baz is the “unappealing choice”: a villain, a boy, a monster. If Baz believes Simon is with Agatha because he loves her, that hurts like a bitch. If Baz believes Simon already loved him but he was with Agatha anyway, that’s still painful. That feels like there are once again “buts” about loving him: “I love you but you’re a boy” “I love you but I’m afraid” “I love you but loving you it’s difficult” “I love you but you being a boy makes realizing I love you difficult” etc etc. It would just hurt more if Simon is “picking fights with him over her” and even more when Simon shows he has issues with being gay, which Baz sees as “issues with being out with him.” This would be much easier to internalize than Simon’s unconditional love, because it aligns with the negative view Baz has of himself. It “validates” his insecurities.

So yeah, even if Baz believes Simon when he explains there are no reasons to feel jealous, even if he understands there was no romantic love or attraction between them... he still has reasons to struggle to let go of that hurt. Them dating it’s strongly linked to a very dark time in his life, making his pain worse (even though Agatha and Simon were miserable, too). It’s still a reminder of everything he thought he couldn’t get or didn’t deserve, a reminder that he was assigned a role that went against his gentle heart, that expected him to be little more than “an obstacle” for “the happy endgame straight couple,” that could only end in his destruction. It’s hard to un-link all that. Which is obviously unfair, because Simon genuinely didn’t know he wanted him, but insecurities are a bitch. (Worth mentioning that while Simon has issues and struggles of his own, when Baz is in front of him, the choice is easy for him: he wants Baz. Even when he was thinking “I’m not even remotely ready to consider whether i’m gay” he’s still throwing himself out of a car and running back to Baz because he can’t bear the thought of not having him now that he knows that he wants him) 

It would make sense that Agatha would be a walking trigger for Baz – Simon is a fully realized person that he knows intimately, there are many positive things he associates with Simon and their relationship, etc etc, while Agatha is just someone he used to go to school with. He doesn’t know Agatha well enough, he’s not close enough to her to create positive associations to her that would be stronger than the old feelings she reminds him of. He can’t rewrite that if he doesn’t even feel inclined to become close friends with her. Hell, the whole reason she even interacted with him and tried to chase after him was because of his image as the bad guy, which would reinforce the association (I can also see how this would contribute to Simon and Agatha’s friendship never being fully relaxed, on top of everything else about their past relationship given it went to places that turned out to be unwanted and uncomfortable. Baz wouldn’t interfere, but I can’t see Simon being comfortable going out for tea with Agatha by himself or something if he knows it stirs up negative feelings in Baz that he can’t help. That would likely call for boundaries that would “limit” their friendship, like he might enter Penny’s room or sit in her bed in the future when they’re hanging out, he might even do that with Shepard, but he’s not doing that shit with Agatha – at least 4 people would be uncomfortable with that, including Agatha and Simon. It makes me think of that MRB line that’s like “Simon will never do anything that hurts or makes Baz pull way” – it’s appliable to the main story too. Agatha could easily be on the same boat, given Niamh is not exactly unbothered by Simon.) (Also curious that while they remind friends in MRB, “it’s complicated” and they hang out with Agatha and Niamh in a group setting)

[charlieslowartsies]

i know you like both fnaf and batim, im curious if youve every thought about what would happen in a protagonist swap. ik aus and hypotheticals arent for everything, but i personally think it would be funny to drop mike and henry in eachothers universes. i think theyre both do well tbh, but regardless its a little funny to think about

I've tried answering this 2x and tumblr kept punting it into orbit but akjasjkasj here we go.

The Short answer: This is a cute idea! I did play with an Xover concept where Mike Schmidt from the KGA wandered into the old Studio he found back in the woods, and he eventually met Make Believe's Henry Stein post the first fic. Mike--being himself, ofc--decided to stick around and help in any way he could. He also got laid. That's a different concept than a good old switcheroo ofc.

There's more on that here, but not a big discussion on stuff, just what if arts from years ago.

The Long Answer:

At the end of the day, I know I kinda write Mike Schmidt and Henry Stein as different flavors of the same drink. Or even just, Mike is cherry cola and Henry Stein is a warm cup of coffee with cream and sugar.

They both have a found family thing going on in their central story arcs. Can you tell I like that theme? (With the major difference being Mike more or less consented to being dragged into the Pizzeria's past, and Henry stays in his situation out of deep seated guilt at his coworkers, a sense of obligation toward Bendy, and perhaps some honest fear of returning to the outside world as well after his time in the War.) Obviously Mike wasn't super cool with giving up his life, sure--but what he gained in return, (His health restored, ghostly superpowers, enhanced senses, a family that loves and accepts him as much as he admires them in turn, and a sense of purpose that makes him feel like he's living a life that makes a difference) made his choice the easier of the two I think.

In the KGA, Mike is top dog because he's the Suit of Fredbear, and then ofc he bonds with the gang from there. In MB, Henry is the true reluctant leader, and any say he has is earned when and because Norman and the others choose to give it. Sammy proves that for sure. Yes, there's a lot of fear of Bendy from Allison, Tom and Sammy, but they don't fear Henry. Henry also doesn't use Bendy's wrath and power to get his way--not that Mike is a bully either, but he's more confident than Henry and more adept at using Fredbear's powers to help him out, even just day to day mundane tasks.

Mike is the brainier of the two, but he's also the stupider when it comes to protecting those he loves. Henry is the draftsman, the studier, the thinker. He makes far more calculated moves and relies instinctively on Norm and the others to be there, or straight up defers to their judgement more than he dishes out orders. I headcanon he was a medic in the army, and if Freddy Fazbear is based off my Grandpa, then Henry Stein is based off my Poppy, who served World War II, and told stories to my dad of cleaning out tanks that...came back with bodies in them. Henry's time in the war changed him, and when he returned and entered the studio to see what his old pal wanted, his life was flung right back into what is, to him, another war zone. That's got to mess a person up, yanno?

What I like about your concept is that the first time I read it, I went "gee, there wouldn't be any difference. I'm just writing the same story with same characters, that sucks. ...how do I admit that in this ask that?"

And then later that night I paused and thought better of my initial assumptions. 'Wait a second...Mike and Henry aren't carbon copies. They don't even have the same humor.'

Henry and Mike are so much alike for sure, and so very different. Even just the obvious aside--Mike's world is full of the supernatural! ...but it's also got one foot firmly planted in reality. Fredbear is not flaunted. Mike can come and go as he pleases. He tries to be normal, he and the gang hide their true natures and pretend well for kids and adults alike. The world goes on around them, but they do go with it. The Gang ages. They had their restaurant, and then they do traveling parties when it becomes only a home base. His Animatronics are 'real' and 'functional' and their history--horrible as it was--was also one with kids and laughter and fun. Henry didn't get any of that. He never saw BendyLand, he didn't encourage Joey's actions.

Henry's world is Nothing but Supernatural, and he's still just as trapped in it as Bendy is bound to the End Reel. He can't go the store, grab some eggs and milk. If thunder rumbles overhead, Mike groans, looks for something to ground himself on. Henry might jerk back to war time, or the Studio, and be scrambled by the appearance of weather, which was not in the Loop. No sun, no night sky. There's a lot of humanity in being around other people. Mike is such a people person, and he sees in the Fazes what is only there because they were haunted. (Otherwise, yeah, they're kinda just...mechanical AIs.) Henry knows these people he lives with on the first floor were human once, he's relieved to have their company and also feels terrible about. He's afraid to let them get close, (the Projectionist being the one to ignore this lmao.)

It's two types of tragedies, and in both lives were cut short in different ways. Mike and Henry feel responsible for both sides, but they don't respond the same.

It's a lot of weight to carry on one's shoulders, and I sort of think Mike carries it better, or a little healthier, at least. He isn't shy or hesitant, Freddy pushed him away the most and Mike pushed right back. He didn't take any abuse, but he got past those walls and taught Fredbear it was okay to trust and to talk about problems.

Dropping Mike into MB's world would, naturally, be chaos. Mike is kind of walking chaos. Marion would prolly follow him--Mari follows the night guard everywhere, because as much as he brags about how good Mike is at his role, he worries so hard over Mike because Mike is always getting into trouble. (Which, fair.) Mari also doesn't like following rules, unless they're rules he set. He doesn't play nicely with others and he would quickly try to work his tendrils into the Studio, try to gain some upperhand, some semblance of control or even just find Answers to the puzzles around them. Mike would be utterly fascinated with the Ink Machine, wanting to see how it worked, and why, and if it needed repairs, and be interested in taking it apart to figure it out. Goldy's status would be useless here, so even tho Mike has his wits and strength, he wouldn't have the same level of respect he is used to in the restaurant or warehouse, or even Pizza World and not the Pizza plex.

Mike's also magnetic as hell. He'd take one look at Norm and be up in his grill too, delighted and friendly and finding the terror cool. He'd fix anything he thought needed it, that includes busted light bulbs or unhappy, self conscious little ink blots that need their ego's stroked and to be assured no, they're not Abominations. Mike isn't afraid of Nightmaronnie, and once he realizes the Ink Demon is Bendy, (if he was split from Henry which would be it's own issues.) he'd eventually apply the same logic as he did to the Puppet all those years ago, and see a scared little kid who needs some comfort and to know he has support.

Henry...would fit in less well in the KGA. He wouldn't be in danger from the Fazes of course, but he's an Adult, and he's a Male, and he's a STRANGER. And that sets off all sorts of warnings in the back of their minds. Makes them unsure and wary to the point of being unkind, cold. Unlike Mike, whose curiosity gets him in trouble, Henry would recognize to back off and tread lightly. Their children that haunted them accidentally passed on a deep seated fear of older, male authority figures, and not even Mike blames them for that. Max carries it too, and Gregory is about the only one who would be the most approachable...or the more willing TO approach Henry. He's young, but his situation is different and kids are rubber bands. By now, the best, most important thing in his world--tall, deep voiced, and strong Glamrock Freddy--keeps his opinion in Henry's favor, because they're both calm and careful in the similar ways. If Bendy is with Henry, that's another winner. Bendy loves kids, he loves kids desperately, enthusiastically, obsessively. He WANTS to prove he's worthy of what Joey Drew put on him when he was Created, that he's the most darling dancing devil there ever was. If Cartoon him can make Gregory smile/laugh, Bendy will be over the moon, and Glamrock Freddy will have to learn to share quickly, because like Mari, Bendy is a possessive little devil.

Even if Max, Ness, and Freddy are keeping Henry on a tight, wary leash, I can see Henry giving in to them easily. He's not out to make waves, or step on anyone's toes. Being docile like that will help him out big time with them. Mike might cause trouble on accident lmao. Henry would also be kind of panicky, kind of freaked out. Worrying about the Studio, his friends, Bendy being loose, what Joey's up to on the lower levels. Mike would honestly be more worried about his next meal being just bacon soup and realizing he can't be a bottomless pit because he won't take food from these...ink...monsters? ...ink people? (If Chica offered Henry an olive branch in the form of a meal, Henry might break down and Ghibli cry at the taste of real, inkless, clean food. That earns him points with her at least. Double if he tries cleaning up because he never let Linda do the dishes.)

I wrote so much I'm so sorry lmao. Thank you for this ask anon!! It's a fun concept to explore! I wish I had more energy to do so, but I just got a new tattoo last night and my brain is french fried xD

[indigowallbreaker]

ignatz and felix 85 of the heartbreak prompt?

What a match! :0

85: “You weren’t here when I needed you the most, why now?”

(Currently accepting rare ships! Click here for the info post!)

--

The events of the previous day kept playing in Ignatz’s mind until finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He shot up from his seat in the dining hall and marched off to the infirmary, ignoring the other Lions who called after him in confusion.

Ignatz only paused when he got to the second floor hallway. His nerves had caught up with him. Everything had happened so fast yesterday-- this would be his first time being face to face with Felix. 

The moment replayed once again-- Felix calling for Ignatz, Ignatz freezing in place as fear took hold, Felix tackling him out of the way and crying out in pain as a sword pierced his ribs-- and Ignatz pushed himself to keep moving. He owed it to Felix to visit, whether Felix himself wanted a visit or not.

Inside the infirmary was quiet. Felix was sitting up in bed, his torso bandaged, eating a bowl of soup without interest. When he spotted Ignatz, Felix scowled. “H-Hi,” Ignatz greeted as he crossed to Felix’s bedside.

“Come to grovel?” Felix spat.

“No. I mean, not exactly. I just--”

“Because I don’t need you apologizing up and down. It’s not going to make me heal faster.”

“That’s not why--”

“Are you here to make yourself feel better then? Caving under your own guilt? I’m not going to absolve you just so you can sleep at night.”

“No!”

“Then why are you here?” Felix’s scowl had turned into a murderous glare. “You weren’t there when actually I needed you, so why now?”

Ignatz couldn’t meet such a glare and fixed his gaze on his boots instead. Felix had every right to be angry. The other Lions had tried to defend Ignatz, told him it wasn’t his fault, but Ignatz knew. Felix knew. 

“I wanted to ask you for advice,” Ignatz finally said.

The spoon clicked against the bowl. “Advice?”

“I froze up. When the bandits were coming at us, you needed me to fight back, but I completely froze. And you got hurt protecting me.” Ignatz picked his head up. “That can’t happen again. You’ve been fighting longer than I have-- how do you not let your nerves take over in battle?”

Felix stared at Ignatz for a few more moments before letting out a sigh, tipping his head back against his pillow. “I keep forgetting...” He muttered.

“Forgetting what?”

“You’re a Blue Lion now, but you’re not from the Kingdom.”

Ignatz blinked. “I don’t understand.”

“In the Kingdom, you learn to fight almost as soon as you learn to walk. That’s how most of the Lions were raised. I can count on them to keep their nerves in check during a fight. But you’re not like that.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

Felix groaned. “No, that’s-- You can’t help how you’re raised! That’s what I’m trying to say!” He pressed a hand to his side, his scowl now directed at nothing. “It’s like you said, I’ve been fighting longer than you have. I have more practice in battle. The more battles you’re in, the less likely you are to freeze up.”

Ignatz nodded slowly. “Yeah... okay, yes! That makes sense. I just have to keep practicing.”

Instead of sharing in Ignatz’s relief-- not that Ignatz had really been expecting him to anyway-- Felix rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you needed me to tell you that. You had to practice to get better at art, right? It’s the same thing.”

Ignatz had to laugh at that. “Painting is a little easier for me than fighting. Not that I’m good at either just yet.”

“You’re great at both when you’re not stuck in your own head.”

The compliment seemed to surprise them both. Felix’s cheeks pinked and Ignatz felt his eyes widen. “T-Thank you,” Ignatz said.

Felix picked up his spoon again. “If that’s all--”

“Yeah, thanks for, um, everything. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Felix stabbed into his bowl as if trying to spear a piece of meat, causing some soup to spill over the side. Not wanting to embarrass either of them further, Ignatz turned and left the infirmary.

As he descended the steps back into the reception hall, Ignatz heard the bell toll, signaling the end of the lunch period. Though he’d barely eaten a thing, he still grinned as he made his way back to class. And thinking of Felix’s blushing face only made his smile grow.

[neurodiversebones]

i'm sorry you're having a hard time :( recovery is tough, but i believe in you! if you're comfortable, do you wanna share your recovery headcanons for those characters?

i hope things get better for you soon 💖 you've got this!

thank you !!! i hope things get easier soon as well bc . hhh !!! this is a Lot !!! you are so sweet <33 as for the headcanons i would be Delighted to share them (i am always so nervous to talk abt ed hc's , even if it's recovery related bc i am So Scared of being accused of romanticizing it 😭) . obvious tw for ed's below the cut !

cam :

in recovery from anorexia (AN-R) !

she is like me frfr in that recovery is a Long road for her . she's struggled for a long time, and so recovery is kind of a lifelong process rather than something she can simply Finish and be okay

her ocd has contributed a lot to her ed, and so ed recovery goes hand in hand with ocd recovery. with this, her anxiety starts to go down a Lot !

she has . a lot of guilt pertaining to her ed . guilt over having it, guilt over getting better, guilt over literally Everything . this is something she is Working On in therapy but boy is it a big hurdle

she . really never learned how to cook much , and so something that is helping her associate food with Good Times is learning how ! arastoo is teaching her a lot- these are her favourite nights, being in the kitchen with him and learning how to make something new. he shares his cultural dishes with her and she is so excited about this <3 (she is still not a very good cook because that is just how cam Is . takeout girlie for life .)

brennan :

in recovery from arfid ! as well as orthorexic tendencies

her arfid is specifically related to both sensory issues (hello fellow autistic arfid havers) and trauma (foster care = unreliable access to food)

trying new things is really hard for her- she has a very strict list of foods she eats and has very rarely strayed from that over the years. it takes a few tries before actually being able to eat something new- she needs to be able to look at it, feel the texture, experience the smell and other sensations that come along with it .

her arfid did go generally unnoticed because her safe foods would be considered "atypical"- she doesn't eat highly processed or packaged foods, and almost all of her safe foods are considered "health foods" (thank you orthorexia) .

booth tries new things with her- when she challenges a fear food, he'll try one of her "healthy" foods that he usually wouldn't be a fan of . it helps her to recognize that balance is both possible and healthy , and they are both finding new things they enjoy ! she learned that she rlly enjoys popcorn and sour candy , and he is surprisingly into quinoa now

hodgins :

recovering from ednos / osfed !

his ed was very heavily based in his gender dysphoria , so being able to transition has helped a LOT . a big part of why he recovered was so he could get top surgery without it posing a risk to his health

[SEASON 3 AND SEASON 11 SPOILERS HERE] trauma also plays a big part- he really, really struggled after zack was sent away, as well as after his accident . it's a coping mechanism for him- so in times of stress, he's prone to turn back and relapse

his relationships with others help- his love for angela, his love for his kids, his love for his friends at work- they all keep him grounded and give him something to live for. he wants to be around as long as possible to spend more time with them <3

angela is literally the most patient EVER and it makes him feel so loved and supported (tbh . i have angela headcanons too but my brain is telling me that's Too Many . let me know if u wanna hear those too .)

[TRIGGER WARNING : SH MENTION] he is also in recovery from sh and is almost a year clean which is such a win jack hodgins so cool era

that is all !!!!! i Think about them a lot because all of the bones characters are my comfort characters , so thinking abt them dealing w the stuff i am helps me through a Lot . i love these guys so much they deserve the world

[silver-heller]

Are you going to give us that "masochist essay", then? 👀

FHFHFHFH. Well, now you asked for it! This is long and discusses masochism, self hatred, and emotional self harm, so, putting it under the cut!

PS: None of this is canon. Just how my version of Mordecai ended up for the AU, because I find it interesting!

Mordecai's masochism was 90% self invented out of Mordecai's first experience with murder being revenge, and also having to contend with the fact that he would have to "be that person" for someone else. That is to say, that he'd basically be doing what those gamblers attempted to do to him all those years ago. He believes Atlas would not put him in that situation, but, still.

Yet, there is notably the 10% of Mordecai that is an actual masochist because he desperately wants to feel something, and enjoys the pain that comes with his own vulnerability in this. Silver connects to the positive part of his masochism that reassures Mordecai Silver is strong and someone that could protect him (play wrestling and situations with the illusion of danger, but no actual danger). Serafine as well taps into Mordecai's desperation for vulnerability and to be understood while setting boundaries and introducing a thrill that is for his own benefit rather than being against him.

But, for the rest, if he deserves pain, then its much easier for him to believe the people he is hurting, and often times killing, do as well. He can paint his actions as justified and not think too hard on it or the type of person it makes him. Which, is very ironic, because this means he is required to hate himself to begin with.

However, not only do his sensibilities and sensitivities get in the way of this, hating the idea of someone putting him in physical pain or danger to feed into it, in his earlier years its also rather evident this is more a construct than a reality. Because Mordecai sees himself as a terrible person that deserves pain, he can therefore justify refusing to receive any genuine, serious pain, and instead, seek out the thrills he genuinely enjoys, because that's just what the "villain" like how he paints himself would do. So it's more of a concept he carries with him at work, but discards during his off hours, when he genuinely tries not to think about those acts.

This, however, gets much worse after Silver's supposed "death", because suddenly, Mordecai is confronted with an issue and deep/genuine pain and guilt he can not just brush away with a concept. This was someone he loved and cared about, his career and current lifestyle having caused them to die at his own hands, even though it was just an accident. That villain version of him is no longer just a concept, but a proven reality in his eyes.

So, he enters a relationship with Serafine, knowing she could 100% physically hurt him, and, quite frankly, he is lucky she actually cared about what he wanted, because he could have gotten himself seriously hurt otherwise. Serafine is able to satisfy that urge in a healthier manner while getting close to him, and I'd say that's why their connection ends up being so deep in such a short amount of time. No one would have suspected it, but, Serafine met Mordecai during a period where he despised himself and really wanted to be hurt, and showed him love instead, and that everything was going to be alright, with or without him self imploding. And, by the time Silver comes back, he's returned to his baseline, and is much happier in general for it.

So, the sad truth kind of is Mordecai would be emotionally crushed by his own actions if he did not carry just a little bit of masochism with him, always. However, as he emotionally connects with others and himself, we see this get significantly better throughout the series, and he starts seeking out thrills because he genuinely enjoys them and wants that for himself out of wanting to cause himself genuine pain.