#but yh I hope you cried like I did >:)

[yothangie]

Missing Their Kids event

HJ ver, SH ver, YH ver, YS ver, SN ver, MG ver, WY ver, JH ver

Pairing: Dad! Wooyoung, Ballet student daughter (6 years old) Fem Mom reader

WRD count: 911

Genre: Idol Wooyoung, angst, a hit of fluff, Wooyoung cries, i can't write anything but angst Im so sorry

Ateez Dad Masterlist Join the Taglist

It was comeback season, during the time the group had different schedules such as music shows and interviews

For months your daughter has been telling wooyoung about her ballet recital and how she has a small solo in the dance

Of course wooyoung was excited for her and promised her he would be there

But the schedule has him at a variety show the whole day.. The same day his daughter has her recital he was devastated.

How is he gonna tell you he can’t make it, matter of fact how is he gonna tell his little girl he can’t make it??

He had all that in his mind during the day, once he got home he was a little sad on how he was gonna break the news

“How was work my love” you said

“It was good,” he sighed.

Wooyoung plopped down on the couch and let down a deep sigh

“Is everything okay” you sat down next to him

“We have a schedule the day of her recital” he confessed

“You can’t reschedule” you asked

“No I tried talking to hongjoong about it but it was already set and i can’t change it”

“Well you should try talking to her, she’s still awake” you suggested

He was debating if he should break the news to her now or not.

It took a lot of courage for him to be standing in front of her room, he quietly knocked on her door

He hears the little footsteps coming towards the door opening it a little.

“Hi appa” her eyes lit up seeing the sight of her dad

“Hi pumpkin” wooyoung steps into the room, he sits himself next to her bed on the floor.

He grabs the little girl bringing her to his lap, he hates having to break such news to her.

“You know how you have your recital on saturday” he starts

“Yes, appa promised he would go and watch me dance” she smiles

“Well pumpkin appa might have to break that promise” he says

A little pout begins to form on the girl she looked down not wanting to make eye contact

“But appa you promised”

“I know but i have work” he tried pulling the girl in a hug only for her to push him away.

“Appa likes work more than me” she cried

It broke wooyoung having to hear those words coming from her own daughter.

“Dont say that pumpkin”

She got up and ran out of her bedroom sniffing and crying

Wooyoung sighed and got up heading to your guy's shared room, seeing the little girl curled up next to you asleep

“She came in crying saying you don't love her anymore” you said

“I tried to have the schedule changed i really did” he sighed

“You shouldn’t feel bad, you have no control over that”

“But ever since she was born i told her i would never break her promise and i did that” he said

“She needs to understand you won’t always be here because of your job” you said

Wooyoung sighs and sits on the bed seeing the girls back facing him.

“I’ll talk to her again tomorrow she probably doesn’t want to see me” Wooyoung pouts

“Don’t say that”

“She pushed me away when i tried to hug her”

You got up carrying your daughter and took her to her room for her to sleep, you went back to your shared room seeing wooyoung in the bathroom.

You felt bad that wooyoung had to witness his daughter saying harsh things to him, wooyoung has a day off tomorrow so you’ll definitely have a talk with her about it.

The next day rolls around, you wake up to see your husband out of bed, you got up doing your morning routine, hoping he is in the kitchen which thank god he is.

“You’re up early” you mumbled

“I want to prepare something so that hopefully she isn’t sad anymore,” he said.

A few moments passed by you both hear little footsteps coming to the kitchen

“good morning mama” the little girl raises her arms to be carried

you went ahead and carried for daughter making your way next to wooyoung who’s preparing the plates

“say ‘good morning appa’ “ you said

your daughter quickly whipped her head into your neck not wanting to look at her dad.

Wooyoung gave you a look, a look of ‘see she hates me’

“what’s wrong” you say nudging her a bit

“he’s not going” she pouts

“that’s because appa needs to work”

“he always works” she grumps

“if he doesn’t work then you can’t do ballet” you said

The little girl slowly looks over at her dad and pouts

A tear sheds from wooyoung, he feels like he disappointed the girl he treasures the most

“I’m sorry I can’t go my love but please don’t be mad” Wooyoung chokes

Your daughter started to crying in your shirt, you look over at wooyoung signaling him to grab his child, which he did

He held his child tight, afraid to let her go, both crying.

Wooyoung pulled his daughter back wiping away her tears

"appa please come" she cries

"you know i want to go but i can't"

Wooyoung continues to wipe the tears away from his daughtr as they continue to spill

"promise me you will do good at your recital" he holds out his pinky

the little girl nodded intertwining her little pinky to his.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @reooreo @starhwahwa @nnnarchives @enbymingi @nvdhrzn @strawberry-cube @tinyelfperson @soso59love-blog @pai-fe @Kkumiikumii @blackb3ll @marvelfanatic4life @n3neni @everythingboutkpop @taz-97 @jjoongstar

[bts-is-my-life-as-always]

HEYYY y’all, have been forever and a half since I’ve last posted on tumblr. Just a heads up this is not a ff and I won’t be writing ff’s in the future but if you like/liked my work do check out this novel I’ve been working on.

Lots of love. Oh Yh and here’s a little preview.

“Vee, that is your name granted to you by the master don’t you ever forget the grace he has shown a vermin like you.”

“Vermin… funny how the trash talks don't you think?” I chuckled and looked up towards the man that turned me into a monster for the sake of his master.

- - -

"Mum! Dad! look at her, she's got creepy eyes." Shouted a little child while pointing out of sheer fascination.

"Shhh! Don't look at her, you don't point at the cursed for it will come for you. Let's go now."

Their words cut deeper into the wound around my heart, until I shut out the cries of all those that surrounded me.

- - -

"This isn't the way to go about your revenge... You mustn't take your anger out on the innocent." He spoke as if to coax me not knowing that I was already far too deep.

"Then are you saying that I am guilty? My only guilt is knowing how dirty nobles are and still hoping that they would show an ounce of pity... tell me where has that led me?"

When did it all go wrong? From when? Was it this moment? Or a lot sooner?

- - -

I have been all alone for a long long time... It was better to have no one than someone who hurt me over and over again. The only man I once wanted to give everything to was now standing in front of me, betraying me.

All those that once cared for me were dead... I had killed them with my own hands just to live...

Why won't anyone help me find my family? Why won't anyone hear my pleas... Why? why? WHY?

If there is a God... I wish for another chance... just once more...

- - -

"Vee! The weather's nice, let's go outside and play!" I jolted awake from the nightmare.

That's right, this was the second chance I had begged for... I'm not as weak or defenceless as before either and I have friends now...

In this life, I will surely find my family. https://tapas.io/series/In-this-life-I-will-surely-find-my-family

[weather-phenomenon]

my coworkers are honestly really nice and chill at least so far n the main lady i'm with has quickly caught on that i uh am just really quiet n when she introduces me she just says tht she also says by the end of the 2 months i wont me but uh everyone else has been trying tht for 21 years so good luck o7 also this guy i was introduced to was like he's rell miserable yk just your typical good natured jokster type of guy no harm yh n he was like nice seeing as you're quiet i'll make sure to trouble you which i absolutely HATE why is tht so many ppl philosophy ugh but i guess i looked instantly mortified bc the lady told him no you shouldn't have told her (me) tht which was funny alfja;jfads;k but yh there are two areas me n the other intern in tht department are supposed to switch between but i'm hoping they don't actually switch us they arent sure they will but yh bc i like the area i'm in it's quieter n they all hv their own offices so it's quieter but the other area is like 5 ppl sharing two offices n it's always going in n out n yh ppl bad eek! but yh i had a 'test' doc to prepare n i did a really good job on my first try so tht's great at least i can prove i'm competent despite the horrors but also now i hv like many more emails of things to do alkjfalfdj cri

[keira-kaz2y5]

Mirror in room makes you less lonely?

Difficult to explain in short so bear with me!

So, I know this is stupid and no one will see this but long story short I have this mirror in my bedroom, it’s 3 sided and sits on my windowsill

The far side is tilted so that when I turn my head, I see myself instead of having to get up to look, good for makeup and quick glances to check my appearance like when I’m doing my hair or think I have pen on my face

I spent a lot of time in my room, I watch tv and read and paint and everything here because I live with family (still in college, yet to move out) my mum and brother. Basically my window lock is broken so is doesn’t stay shut. Never a problem because it’s still closed, but when it’s stormy or super windy it blows wide open like every 2 minutes. Me and my mum spent ages trying to fix it tonight and ended up trying string to my blinds and my bed post in attempt to keep in shut for the night til we can get it fixed. I moved all the things I had from my windowsill in fear of it breaking if the blinds fell etc

Including the mirror

I’m watching tv now and it’s like midnight but whenever there was a sad scene or I laughed or cried or whatever I found myself turning my head, to find nothing there but black blinds and white walls and string.

It’s made me feel weird I can’t describe it

And perhaps all this time the mirror is like my company. Except I look to myself to see reactions and also it’s a mirror so it makes it look like a whole other world in there, like a little portal in my room and the more I look and turn my head, obviously I see more of my room because you see different reflections

Maybe it’s me unconsciously making my own friend for company. Maybe it’s that little voice in my head telling me my reflection is myself in an alternate/parallel world.. someone who knows exactly what I’ve been through and knows what it’s like.. idk but now it’s gone I realise how much I look to it for comfort. It’s odd

This makes me sound like a loner but I kind of have never truly had friends, I mean I did for a minute, thought I did but turns out they hated me for some reason, one of them faked it with me half the time I knew her and it was a whole thing and turns out they’re not the people I thought they were. But my dad died last year and anyway Yh basically I have been lonely. I had a dark patch for a while when they stopped being friends with me (right after I started college) and I hadn’t found new friends yet, then I had, but I didn’t know them well enough yet to be able to ask them to meet up or text them much yk that beginning stage of a friendship.. anyway yeh

So it made me wanna put these thoughts down and see if anyone else has done this possibly without knowing? Quite literally being your own company. All it took was one little mirror and just because I’ve moved it I realise how much it meant, it was like a window into a life. It extended my room and made it feel bigger, but now I turn and there’s just a wall. You know? Is this making any sense? I don’t know. Anyway I googled it and didn’t find anything so thought this might find some people who know what I mean, and I wonder if this has happened to anyone else or if it’s just me trying to make myself feel less alone.

Okay I’m gonna get back to dr who now

Just finished the Xmas ep with Clara and 13 with Santa and the face dream thingys for anyone wondering

Hope anyone who’s read this to the bottom or skipped thru has a fantastic 2024 xx

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

(I didn’t tag you until the end but I’m gonna our the tag up here anyway @megatraven)

Blessed was how he felt the moment Zeus agreed to his pleas. He pleaded to Zeus that he could let MC live her life out and then let him find Hera.

He threw out so many favors, spent so many nights up wondering what to do, and panicking just so he could save her. He couldn’t lose her, he just couldn’t. It wasn’t just because he loved her. He always remembered his friendship and bond with his loves mother, and he wouldn’t forgive himself if he let her down again. So, he did everything he could and eventually it worked. He noticed Zeus look of anger but tiredness from hearing Hades repeat himself. However, Hades didn’t care. As long as he had MC alive, he was okay.

But he knew that time would come. She didn’t become a goddess, so she wouldn’t live forever, and he knew it. He knew her clock was ticking everytime he woke up and saw her smiling at him. However, he ignored it. He enjoyed everytime he saw her smile, everytime she laughed, everytime he saw her sleep and just breathe, everytime he saw her eyes glow everytime she was happy, the way freckles framed her face and body as it she was a goddess, and the way their were lines on her cheeks when she smiled so hard.

Zeus wasn’t fond of her, but he eventually grew okay with her presence. Poseidon was like he was during the whole marriage problems. He was supportive and cared for MC and Hades. Obviously, everyone felt tense because of her, but Aphrodite and Hades would give people the death glare if they dared to harm her or say anything about her. MC continued to live on the surface and Hades joined her. They would switch back and forth, but it was what they were good with. Hades would do anything for her and she would do anything for him. That was obvious during the whole marriage problems.

Depsite all the sad things, MC gave birth to a child named Osiris. He was a Demi-god but Hades and MC loved him all the same. Osiris’s birth made Hades the happiest god there ever was, but also brought a pang of sadness in his heart when he saw MC holding their child, rocking him when he was fussy and making funny faces at him to calm him down. It hurt because he knew Osiris would live longer than his own mother. He knew he would have to watch his mother become weaker and weaker while his father stayed the same all the years. It hurt, but he and MC both avoided those thoughts and raised Osiris with the most love and protection.

But over time her hair became grayer, even if she dyed it to prevent people from noticing it, it would show sometimes. Her face became a little more wrinkly over time, and eventually she didn’t want to show her face on Olympus anymore. She didn’t want people to see her growing old while everyone looked perfect and so young. Hades supported her and let her deal with it how she wanted it, but she was still so beautiful in his eyes. She was still his personal goddess, she was still the most beautiful woman in his eyes. He cared for her and so did Osiris through her years. And he knew it was against his own rules, but he didn’t let Death take her yet. He ignored the way the Underworld was calling her. He prevented it, he and Osiris just couldn’t let go yet. He felt a little bit guilty because of it, but it’s like he said all those years ago...

Gods are selfish...

But one day he woke up and saw MC beside him, but he felt it. The calling was too strong, her soul was barely hanging on. She woke up and smiled at him, but it was pained. He knows she can feel it too. He couldn’t help the tears that fell from his eyes in that moment. The sun was shining through the windows, onto her hair making it glow that even angels were envious of. He knew he couldn’t keep her here any longer, she was in pain from her body slowly shutting down. Death was inevitable and he knew it.

“I love you, don’t forget that,” she whispered to him as she scooted closer to him. He nodded and looked in her eyes as she wiped the tears off his face. “Don’t cry. I’ll see you soon. And tell Osiris that I’m sorry and that I love him with my whole heart,” she whispered to him as well, her voice slowly getting softer. She was rushing her words out. “Tell Alex and Aphrodite that I’ll miss them as well,” she said her voice going so soft he had to almost quit breathing to hear her. He nodded and promised her he’d do everything she told him to do, and it was true.

He smiled at her and stroked her cheek and tried to comfort her during her last moments. “But hey, tell your mom I said hi,” he whispered out to her, his voice wrecked with sadness unexplainable. She let out a laugh that ended with a coughing pit. “I will. I’m excited to see her,��� she whispered to him. He knew she didn’t want to die, but she couldn’t help that feeling of wanting to see her mother. He kissed her forehead and held her hand tightly. She kissed him on his lips one last time, before she closed her eyes and he felt her soul leave her body and enter the Underworld. He held her close, resting her forehead on his shoulder and cried as he stroked his hands through her hair, as if she was still there.

He gave her a hero burial, and this time he did cry. He couldn’t hold it back. He buried her right next to her mother, the way she’d want it to be. Aphrodite and Alex cried, and she wasn’t the only mortal buried there. Her brother, Josh, was buried there as well. Now, the family was reunited and he hoped they were at peace.

Almost the next month after her death, here he was, standing in the Underworld, getting ready to draw on his powers and call to her soul. He knew he was breaking his rules, he knew he was doing something so selfish, but he couldn’t help it. He missed the love of his life and he needed to see her. He needed to see her smile, he needed to hear her voice and the way she would say, “hey, its okay.” He closed his eyes and called upon his powers. Before he could even open his eyes, he heard her. “Hey, sweetie.” He opened his eyes and saw her, the 25 year old he fell in love with. He didn’t care what age he saw of her, he was just happy to see her.

“MC...” he whispered out. She smiled at him and he saw tears fall down her cheeks. He stepped forward and reached his hand out to try and caress her cheek. It hurt him when his hand went right through her cheek. However, he placed it hovering near her cheek and she leaned into it as if she could feel it, as if she could feel the warmth of his hand touching her cold cheek. “I miss you. I miss you so much,” he told her with his voice being a struggle to even get out. She nodded as well and sniffled. “I miss you, too. But I’m always there, don’t forget that. Me, my mom, and Josh are always there watching over you and everyone we love,” her voice eventually got interrupted by her sobs.

She was happy, but she was also sad. Happy because she could see her love look at her like she was his world and hear his voice comfort her. But was sad because she knew she wouldn’t be able to hear it for a long time. “I’ll see you soon, I promise. We’ll all see you again,” she told him, wiping her eyes to stop the tears. She then did the same thing he did. She reached out with her hand to try and dry his tears, but it didn’t work. He wiped his eyes for her and he smiled at her one more time, before he heard a voice call out, “MC?” It was the voice of one of his best friends. More tears almost fell from his eyes, but he refused. “I have to go,” she said with a sadness so obvious. He nodded and leaned in to kiss her forehead, but not actually touch her since he would pass right through her, but he couldn’t help but try for his and her sake.

“But if you ever do this again, can I see Osiris?” She wanted to see Alex as well, but she didn’t push it. She knew he was already risking everything by doing this. He nodded with a sad smile. “He misses you just as much as I do.” She smiled once more, already knowing he did. “Mom hopes to meet him one day.” Hades looked her in the eye and promise her that she would. He’d make sure of it. He’d make sure that her mom, Josh, and herself would be all together again one day. After a few more minutes of catching up, that voice called out again and he had to let MC join her family once more.

It was difficult for him, but he brought Osiris to her and it was so emotional all over again. Osiris and his wife and children were so sad and emotional to see their grandmother and great grandmother that they they miss so much. However, they knew it would be the last time they would see her for a long time, but they were okay with that. They’d all wait as long as it took to see her and her mom and her brother all again.

It took around 20 long years of loneliness and pain for Hades to wake up one day and feel MCs mom soul come back. He knew it was hers by the ways his own soul felt a bit lighter, but not the way MCs would make him feel. He immediately told Aphrodite, Alex, Osiris, and his children. He was in tears the whole time, so happy to see his best friend again and to know that his love and her brother were on their way soon.

For the first time in a long time, his soul felt truly bright and he felt so happy every morning he woke up. He woke up with a smile because he knew her see we again one day, and he was perfectly fine with waiting. She was the love of his life and he’d wait as long as it took for her, and there was no doubt about it.

SO @megatraven I LITERALLY HAD TO TAKE LIKE 5 CRYING BREAKS BC THIS HURT SO MUCH, BUT I THINK ITS GOOD?? It’s really long and I’m not on my laptop (almost never am on tumblr on my laptop) so I can’t do the “read more” thing so I hope you read it all so I can sleep getting feed back and know if you cried like I cried >:). But yeah I hope you and everyone else enjoyed crying with me lol. I finally have Hades angst and not just Alex angst wowh I’m proud of myself lol. But yh bye unless you reblog with a response enensn

[oli150]

I hope you're doing well! I have a request

A group of nerds get kidnapped by the frat bros of their college and once bound being unable to escape. The frat bros hook them up to special helmets (that link their cocks + minds) and milking machines.. So each time they cum they get dumber and buffer. All their stored cum is pure intelligence that the fray bros "needed" to pass their finals.

Sure thing, I'll get onto that as soon as possible!

Jack was walking to a meeting of the history club. He was wondering what topics would be discussed today plus he couldn't wait to meet with his boyfriend Sammuel.

Sammuel and Jack were nerds and they were quite proud of it, they achieved spectacular test results and basically their places in university were guaranteed, that was also the case with almost everyone in the History club.

Jack had almost reached the classroom where the club was meeting every Wednesday, however he then received a blow to the back of his head and blacked out.

When he woke up he saw he was in a room, on closer inspection he viewed that in fact it was the entirety of the history club that was in the same situation as he they were all tied up and gagged to chairs except for one member of the club Michael.

A few moments later a group entered the room. As they came into the light it was revealed that it was the football team with their captain, Nate and surprisiny with Michael. Nate said "well, well, well what do we have here a bunch of nerds tied up and very vulnerable, I assume you're all scared as to what is going on... let me tell you within a few hours you'll spend with us you'll literally blow your worries away" the group of Jocks chuckled.

"I did what you wanted, can you upkeep the deal we've made? I was supposed to help yh capture them all at the same time while you removed my competition for a place in Harvard in the process" Michael asked. "Ah Micheal I almost forgot you're here... I am afraid that our little deal has seen a minor... alteration" "he chuckled and signaled to his two bros to tie Michael up and gag him. Michael shouted for help repeating "no" constantly and that he didn't want his brains drained and to become a Jock.

Nate ordered the nerds to be hooked up to some machines, Jack had a helmet placed on his head and a fleshlight slid onto his small cock. "The reason why you are all here little bros is that you are smart... we are dumb and it doesn't really bother us... but we need to pass our exams somehow, you cum is potenet in knowledge that is why you are all hooked up to those machines, you will be milked off of your smarts and transformed into perfect Jocks!". As Nate said that everyone in the room started to shout and cry for help, including Sammuel and Jack but there was no help coming.

The machines were turned on and started to pump their cocks, Jack tried to resist and was doing quite well, meanwhile all the other nerds were also resisting however some couldn't resist and came, with that they started to transform, the muffled cried for help began to change into sounds of pleasure, as some nerds started to jock out and cum buckets of cum out of themselves solidifying their new identities as dumb bros. Those that were completely milked of their brains were released and given new clothes, and they greeted Nate and his football team with a first bump and a "bro" greeting... unfortunately Sammuel succumbed to the machine and became the Jock Sam.

Jack was still resisting, he was precumming however he was still resisting he hadn't shot one load out until eventuall he was the last person holding out. The team surrounded him, "come on little bro... give us up your intelligence don't you think that you'll look so hot looking like us" said Nate before flexing his muscles and giving Jack a glimps of his own hung cock. Nonetheless Jack was holding out though he did feel pressure building up in his underbelly and a lot of the pressure.

Sam came up to Jack "come on Jack... cum for me you know you want to... then we'll get to fuck and jerk off constantly... no homo though" Sam smiled reassuringly, be put his hand and started touching Jack's torso, he eventually got to the underbelly area and gave Jack a naughty look. Jack knew that it was over but still attempted to plead with his eyes for them to stop... but to no avail and Sam pressed his underbelly.

With pressure applied to that area Jack couldn't resist. Compared to the others who had to be milked for longer and had to make multiple cumshots before being completely drained, Jack came all his brains out immediately as he was holding it all within him. His shouts for help soon turned into moans of pleasure and thrusts of his hips into the fleshlight as he came buckets of cum out of himself in one go. He started to transform also, his small cock became a huge cum cannon. His body transformed and he finally jocked out and became a Jock joining the others.

Afterwards the day if exams came and the football team decided to share some of the cum with the old history club, which was now a baseball team with Jack as the captain, so that they could all at least pass their tests. Jack was happy with his new life, he was a Jock and he loved it, he loved to workout and he was super horny. He was horny to the point that within a week of his transformation he had earned a reputation that whichever girl he slept with she'd get impregnated almost immediately with his new potent jock seed as such a few months later a lot of girls were seen walking around with bellies swelling up with Jack's children and of course they couldn't prove he was the father but everyone in secret knew he was.

Jack loved his new life but he didn't forget about Sam, the two became best bros and jacked off and fucked whenever they wanted, after their sessions adding "no homo bro" before dressing up and giving each other a fost bump.

This is a pic of the new Baseball team (the history club was dissolved after all its members mysteriously disappeared):

[elliebean714]

Through The Years

Edward Nashton x Wayne!F!Reader

Angst, Some Fluff

Diversion From Canon

Summary~ Edward And Y/N Reunite At Her Graduation

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 Pt6 Pt7 Pt8 Pt9

An~ ITS BACK BITCHES!! Lawrdy, I love this man 😭✋💕 yh that's right, I called him man. He's not a bby anymore🥲 this is short 🎵I don't care🎵

<8 Years Ago>

<24 Years Old>

You finally finished college. You were graduating today. You were so proud of yourself for your achievement. But the only thing on your mind was Edward. Over the last five years you had grown so much as a person and you couldn't wait to see him again. You tried to call him after the news of the orphanage fire, but he never picked up. You tried to keep in contact as much as you could over the last five years, but he never responded.

As much as it hurt you, you understood why. He never took well to change, but the break up destroyed him a lot more than you expected. You could only hope that he would attend your ceremony.

~~

Edward received all of your messages, but he never had the courage to respond. You broke up with him because you wanted to be better, and because you wanted him to be better. So he had to wait until he was better to talk to you. It hurt him so much, but he'd wait as long as it took, if it ment he could hold you in his arms again.

He got the invitation you sent him to your graduation. He despised the thought of attending such a thing, he had an idea of the people who'd be there and it made him feel vile to think about being in the same room as those people. But he loved you so much he'd do anything to see you again.

So here he sat, at the back of the crowded auditorium, waiting for you, as other privileged pricks walked on first. Edward looked around impatiently, feeling jittery. He needed to see you. It'd been so long since he'd seen you.

He heard your name and his head snapped towards the stage. There you were, the world slowed, your ethereal beauty stunned him, for a moment, he felt like he was seeing you for the first time again. Still, after five years of pain, and 'growing' you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He was broken out of his trance once he felt heavy tears flowing from his eyes, but he never dared to take his gaze off you, scared that if he did, you'd disappear again.

~~

The lights were too bright, you couldn't identify anyone in the audience, you kept your wide smile, silently hoping that you could catch a small glance of the light brown hair and wide frame glasses of the man you loved.

You saw your brother, your father figure, a lot of other wealthy people down at the front. You knew he wouldn't be there, but the further you looked the faces became too hard too see. You just had to hope he was there, you needed to talk to him.

~~

You caught Edward trying to leave.

"Hey Ed!" You called out to him, reaching out. He heard your angelic voice, slowly turning to face you. "I'm so happy to see you!" You squealed excitedly, wrapping him in your arms. He blushed hard. This was all he'd wanted, to be with you, in your arms, he wrapped his arms around you back.

"Hi Y/N." Edward smiled bashfully.

"I really missed you!" You hugged him tighter.

"I missed you too." He quickly blinked away tears.

"How've you been?" You step back, smiling brightly, your smile falters once you see his hurt expression.

"I missed you." He cries into your shoulder, you have a moment of surprise, then begin comforting him, running a hand down his back and rake your fingers through his hair. "I really missed you."

"It's okay, it's okay! We're together again. We can hang out again. We're still best friends right?"

Pt10

Taglist~

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~Elliebean714

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[cleostoohot]

ok so this is a success story and maybe motivational idk anywaysss, my father has been abusive towards my family since as long as I can remember like even before my siblings and i were born, and he even turned my moms family members and his family against her so she was truly alone and he manipulayed her into thinking that it's all her doing and so on, anyways the pandemic happened and he got even worse idek how that was possible but he did and then in april he had to go on a business trip ( that was about the time i learned about the law)., and my mom would hang up the phone anytime he tried to call and i was scared but i kept affirming that he would no longer be able to bother my family and i anymore, and the 3d would seem to not be listening to my affirmations cuz the absolute opposite began to happen like he would call my siblings and i and would forcefully tell us to give her the phone but we didnt obviously and but i kept pwrsisting even if it looked like nothing was working then he called my moms work and threatened to kill her and her coworkers and although it was a terrible thing to happen it rly helped my family and i's case because we were able to finally get a restraining order and all that because of it, and i didn't even know that the restraining order went through because i didn't want to be fully aware of it all cuz the whole thing just stressed me out so much like id even get terrible nightmares that made me feel paralyzed every time i woke up, but yh i didn't even know all that happened until a few days ago when my mom finally told me, like apparently we had the restraining order since my bday which was on may 25 so imagine my surprise,,anyways i hope this was helpful to someone all i rly did was persist through it all even if it all seemed so bleak and at first i was hesitant to put my manifestation skills to the test cuz i disnt feel prepared but i just pushed myself and it worked and it was SOOOOOO worth it i don't think i've ever felt that type of relief before i literally cried for the rest of the day when i found out, so just stop questionning it all sm i promise you all it's worth it!!!!

“all i rly did was persist through it all even if it all seemed so bleak”

this is literally what we all tell you guys to do! persist through it because y’all be letting little things stop you and don’t get to experience the success.

thank you so much for this success story! so proud🧡🫶🏽

[thedeviljudges]

So sorry thought I was done but there's more! (I've really enjoyed your analyses.) Thinking bout YH possibly being involved in SH's death and reasons he could be: callback to ep 8 convo bout doing whatever it takes, plot twist for sake of it, vindicate SH's anti-Yohan agenda, make audience suffer. Reasons he SHOULDN'T be: character development (see same convo!) - it would undo all his progress, everything he said about letting Gaon make his own choice, Elijah would never forgive him, etc. (1/2)

It should be evident to YH from Gaon's actions/words in this ep that he's still on side re. fighting the corrupt world - there's no pressing need to get rid of SH to get him back on track. Also YH being guilty would vindicate Min Jung-ho's anti-YH agenda, and so far I don't feel the show has invited the audience to sympathise/agree with him so that would be a weird turn around! Plus if SH had found out something bout YH wouldn't she have tried to tell Gaon in her last moments?? ...here's hoping!

Ahhh, thank you!!! I’m glad someone enjoys my annoying posts about this show, lmao. It’s just so much fun and hard not to constantly think about it when you’re always finding new little things.

And I think all of your points are very true, and I totally agree. I think the scene in episode 12 where they “break up” was enough for Yohan to realize that what he said and what he continued saying drove Gaon away. Gaon’s confession about Soohyun being his world and realizing that Gaon chose her over him was already reasonable and logical enough for him to understand that if Yohan did anything to her, Gaon wouldn’t be on his side. Gaon would go after Yohan, even without a plan - I firmly believe that.

Gaon rushed to the hospital and checked up on her when she got heart, for example. Him and Yohan fought over the possibility of Yohan attacking her, and Gaon found out it wasn’t him and apologized for making the assumption - that Yohan had no need to actually go after her. On top of that, Gaon even admitted to the professor while he was in the hospital that Yohan wouldn’t have attacked him, and yet he got mad at Gaon for taking Yohan’s side again.

And the thing with Soohyun’s attack - that would’ve been a great time for Yohan to go after her if needed because at that point, him and Gaon were still on shaky ground in their relationship. Yohan didn’t understand his own feelings for Gaon, and he wasn’t at the point of considering other people and/or changing is ways (to an extent).

I’ve also posted previously about how Soohyun and the professor use confirmation bias to convict Yohan of things he hasn’t done - and this is just another example of the professor pointing fingers at Yohan to justify how wrong he is without seeing the bigger picture. That sounds way more in line with the professor and even with Yohan’s characterization of being misunderstood by literally everyone.

You’re very right in that the show hasn’t done anything to invoke sympathy for the professor’s side of the argument. In fact, he takes the side of the government if we’re going to compare him. He doesn’t even see the clues and make the connections between the president and his lackey’s, which truth be told, is right in front of his face - even Gaon pointed that out to Jinjoo because it’s right there. How would the professor not have seen Choongsik if Jinjoo has seen him, for example. I don’t remember if they publicly announced Choongsik leading the virus protection, but Gaon made it sound like they had, which again means the professor simply wasn’t paying attention, and I wonder why that is.... people just love Yohan, lmao.

To that, we can also note Gaon’s pointed statement during their meet up when Gaon tells the professor how much he failed in his position of power. “You should’ve done better. If people like you did better… If you did better as a chief justice, people wouldn’t need to do this. If only the people who are in charge of justice did their jobs well.” And yet he only has eyes for Yohan, still. Patterns!!!!

You also make a very, very valid point I hadn’t considered about Soohyun trying to tell him about Yohan in her last moments. That’s a very interesting thing to consider because normally when death like this happens, the character dying is always trying to get something important out, and this time, it’s just a play on Soohyun’s constant confession when Gaon cries.

I think for me personally, my biggest thing is that if they truly make Yohan the villain here, or do anything to seriously fuck up, then what lesson or point will that make? What profound notion will the show end on after everything we’ve been through because to me, the way the show is right now, it's set us all up to believe that Yohan is not the monster he’s made himself look like. Would they do that to his character for shock value? Because at that point, I feel like that’d be the only reason they’d do it - like, what else would be that justification of him going after bad people if he himself is that bad, too?

Anyway, I can talk myself in circles here. Cheers to waiting just a few more hours to find out. I just want to have hope the writers did the right thing, but we’ll see!!

[keichanz]

Have you seen shots from the YH preview? Looks like InuKag/Moroha are gonna be reunited...

I hate the fact that a small part of me still feels emotional and hopeful for that scene, even though it doesn't really matter all that much anymore since YH has (multiple times) basically been confirmed non-canon and we as fans know that Moroha is in actuality living her best life with her parents and siblings.

.....And I hate the fact that that same part of me is hoping for a time-reversal for the sole reason that InuKag and Moroha are never screwed over.

It's such a small part of me now, since I've pretty much for the most part made my peace w/ the YH bullshit, especially after it was confirmed not canon, but it's there whenever inukag/Moroha are concerned.

In other news, at least it looks like YH is wrapping things up for good, so hopefully we'll never have to see a season 3!!!!🙏

I say we just get as far as the inukag reunion, and then cancel the rest of season 2, what do ya say?

i did see them yes, and ill be completely and totally honest that one gif of inuyasha holding moroha as she cries? i legit cannot stop staring at it. i dont even care about anything else, just that one small snippet gives me so much joy aldfjalifj lmao i get where you're coming from though, and yeah i've also given up that the show is gonna actually go anywhere we wanna see it. disappointing yes but i've accepted it. honestly ill just be happy if we do get a inukagmor reunion, even if it is brief. here's to hoping there's absolutely no news of a season three; god knows they've tortured those three poor souls enough as it is.

[whumpthisway]

Huck and Stephen - Provoked

OC Nonhuman Whumpee and OC Master fic

This is a series - link to 01. Masterpost here <3

A/N: This came from @newbornwhumperfly’s really good prompt: ‘excellent!!! i love daydreaming about poor huck 😩😩😩 so, we all know that huck has very low self-esteem & thinks they’ve conned stephen into a good impression of them, yeah? so does the sense of shame at their “undeserving” status ever overwhelm the pleasure huck gets from being treated kindly? like, have they “let” a situation happen where stephen would have to yell at or punish them for being the bad pet they know they are? if they did, would that plan work? 😈😈😈 - newbornwhumperfly’ Thank you for this!!! <3 <3 rly hope you like it, it ran away a bit with me and idk if it’s the tone you were looking for but yh >.< <3 This one is set to fit in sometime after Nighttime and Huck’s been living with Stephen for around a couple months. Again, please ask me for specific tags or warnings if you need them or I miss something :) Also, this one is dark in a mental way, as Huck’s in a pretty bad place, so pls read the warnings.

Content warnings: past abuse, self-harm, very very low self-esteem, panic, self-destructive behaviour

*

(Huck POV)

With a belly comfortably full of pasta, Stephen’s gentle hand rubbing between their ears, and a blanket nestled over their back as they curled up on the sofa, Huck should’ve felt content. They shifted restlessly at Stephen’s side as he watched the same archaeology programme he watched every week, and almost always with Huck’s head resting against him. They’d become part of Stephen’s carefully maintained routines, and Huck was beginning to feel permanent.

“Getting bored?” Stephen muted his show as he turned to look down at them kindly and Huck looked back at him.

“No, Master.” The restless discomfort itching under their fur didn’t feel like boredom at all.

Stephen sighed a little, and Huck didn’t even flinch. “You don’t have to call me that, Hucky.”

Huck dropped their head and shrugged. They knew. But they’d forget their place completely if they stopped.

Stephen offered them a slight smile and rubbed a finger under their chin before he turned the sound back on for his show.

Huck settled for a while, before they couldn’t help but fidget again.

“You know you don’t have to stay, lad. Go do something else if you want, hm?”

Huck hummed back. They didn’t know what they wanted and just huffed and tried to stay still. But the blanket was too warm and they kicked it off, looking down at where it landed on the floor. They ought to pick it up and fold it; Stephen liked things neat, but they didn’t move, for reasons they couldn’t explain.

Stephen glanced over too, and Huck felt his slight tension in how his hand paused in Huck’s fur. For the first time in a long while, Huck’s heart up-ticked as they waited warily for Stephen’s reaction. But Stephen just turned back to his show after a moment, listened to a man with a trimmed, white beard talk about ancient pottery.

Huck didn’t know exactly why they’d done that with the blanket, but when they deliberately pulled away from Stephen’s fingers rubbing the back of their neck, they knew what they were looking for.

Stephen’s hand hovered in the air a second after Huck moved away from him, but he only looked over at Huck once before settling his hand on his thigh.

It was stupid. Completely stupid, but anger swelled up inside Huck and they found themself growling like Stephen had deliberately stepped on their tail, not just politely respected their space.

This time, Stephen fetched the remote and switched the tele off and Huck went stiff, their growl falling silent as their throat felt like it closed up.

“What’s the matter, lad?” Stephen looked more puzzled than angry. “You don’t want me to pet you anymore?”

The thought of Stephen never running his short-nailed fingers through their fur again made Huck want to cry. But they still felt so painfully restless and irritated and frustrated and it was all directed at Stephen, though he’d done nothing to deserve it.

They couldn’t answer, so stayed sullenly silent. The light crows’ feet at the corners of Stephen’s eyes deepened as he frowned.

“Talk to me,” he coaxed. When Huck kept their jaw clamped shut, their ears pressed back, Stephen reached out slowly as if to put a hand on Huck’s back, but giving them plenty of time to pull away.

Their hackles went up and they growled again, low and upset. “Stop it!” Huck’s exclamation startled both of them and Stephen quickly took his hand back.

“I’m sorry.” Stephen pressed his lips together, but there wasn’t a hint of anger in his face. “I won’t- didn’t realise it was upsetting you.”

Huck ground their teeth together and flexed their claws, which caught on the sofa fabric. Normally, they’d very carefully extract them so as not to pull any fibres out, but this time they didn’t care. If Stephen didn’t like their behaviour maybe he should actually do something about it.

Stephen startled at the sound of Huck’s claws digging and tearing the sofa cover. They were sharper and longer these days, without Master Parry clipping them right down to the bed on a regular basis.

“Huck!”

Huck couldn’t meet Stephen’s eyes but they didn’t stop, digging their claws in further, a growl vibrating through them. Do something, they thought viciously, do something, Master.

“What’re you-” Stephen was agitated and his hands hovered uncertainly in the air. “Huck, enough, we can talk-”

Huck ripped their claws free with an awful tearing noise. “NO!” They didn’t want to talk.

Their eyes welled up with a mix of fury and fear, and they kicked off the back of the sofa, springing off the cushions to land on the tiled floor, already scrambling for purchase to run away.

They’d never have run from Master Parry, nor damaged his possessions, nor talked back, nor talked at all, once he’d ordered them not to. But Master Parry had known what they were, had known how disloyal and awful they were deep inside and he’d known how to deal with them. Stephen thought they were too good to deserve punishment, but he didn’t know, he didn’t know Huck at all.

Sobbing uncontrollably between gasps, Huck’s frantic legs carried them up the stairs, down the corridor and into the bedroom, where they skidded under the bed. They hit their back painfully against the ridge of the bed frame when they didn’t duck down quick enough, but the sting was almost a relief.

Crawling further under, the dust making them cough, they pressed themself up against the wall and cried in great, choking heaves. They didn’t deserve Stephen even a little, but they still wanted to stay so badly it made them feel sick sometimes.

Stephen left them alone for a little while, even though Huck couldn’t stop their crying, which was definitely loud enough for Stephen to find them easily. Huck tortured themself with thoughts of Stephen making phone calls to Mariann, demanding she take Huck away, that’s he’d had enough of Huck’s stupid behaviour. It’d been more than two months, Huck thought, and Stephen had made it clear when Huck arrived that he didn’t want a long-term pet. He’d been horrified by the thought.

Huck’s breathless crying had finally petered off by the time Stephen’s slow tread climbed the stairs. Huck’s breathing hitched at the familiar sound and they hunkered down further, hiding their face in their paws, ears pressed down and tail curled up close to their legs.

“Huck?” Stephen sounded tired and Huck felt guilt surge in them, amongst the mess of their feelings. Stephen had had a long day working and he’d just wanted to relax, but Huck had messed that up for him. “Lad, where’re you?”

Huck couldn’t bear to let Stephen waste time looking for their useless hide, so they whined softly, and then again louder when Stephen didn’t seem to hear.

Stephen’s footsteps approached, scuffing a little in his tartan slippers, which appeared first in Huck’s line of sight from under the bed. Stephen crouched down slowly, and Huck could picture perfectly the grimace on his face at the strain to his knees, and Huck started crying again, silently now. They were so, so bad.

“Huck?” Stephen stuck his head under the edge of the bed and Huck couldn’t help but cringe away. Stephen’s eyes couldn’t see as well in the dim light as Huck’s could, Huck knew, but he’d seen Huck’s flinch, because his face turned briefly hurt. And why wouldn’t he be? What had he ever done to hurt or threaten Huck? Nothing. He was the kindest owner, and he deserved a creature that was as good as Stephen was, not a disobedient, sullen, damaged one.

“I’m a bit lost about what that was all about,” Stephen said quietly, in that soothing tone he’d used right after Huck had first arrived, “but let’s talk about it, okay?”

Huck sniffled and pressed their forehead to the floor, hiding. They were beginning to shiver as the rush of emotion and adrenaline burnt off and left them cold and exhausted.

“Huck, please come out.” Stephen sniffed, the dust clearly getting to him. “I’d rather cut off my own thumb than hurt you, and it’ll take more than a torn sofa to change that, love.”

Huck swallowed thickly. “You should, Master,” they whispered.

Stephen was silent for a long pause. “I should what? Cut off my own-”

“No!” Huck yelped. The thought was awful and they didn’t know why Stephen had brought it up. “Hurt me, you should hurt me, Master.”

Stephen eased into a more comfortable position on the hard floor. “Why should I?” Huck squeezed their eyes shut. Wasn’t it obvious? “Huck? Why’d you think I should-”

Huck interrupted him again, just like the shitty pet they were. “I’m bad.”

“Huck,” Stephen said softly, “you’re not bad.”

“Yes I am!” Huck yelled, loud and sudden enough to make Stephen blink and lean marginally backwards. Huck gulped and ducked their head.

“What’s bad about you?”

Huck cried harder. “Everything,” they gasped. “You should- get a- a better pet, Master.”

They thought of another creature living in Stephen’s house, a sweet, pretty one that smiled a lot and never cringed from Stephen or woke him up with nightmares or cried all over his jumper. And where would Huck be? They deserved to go to a Master that’d discipline them, but they felt so sick at the thought they choked.

“I don’t want a different… companion. I like you.”

“You- you- you,” Huck couldn’t get their words out and swallowed thickly.

“Take your time, lad.”

Huck rubbed their paw over their eyes. “You only say that because you’ve, you’ve never had a good pet, Master.”

Stephen paused and Huck tensed, expecting Stephen to finally realise that Huck wasn’t worth his time or his care.

“Huck, I care for you very much, lad. I wouldn’t trade you for any other creature or human, not now and not when we’re both old and creaky.” Stephen tried weakly to smile.

Huck’s heart squeezed. “You should have a better pet, Master.”

“Who says I should? Can’t I choose who I want to spend my time with myself?”

Huck tensed. Stephen was right; Huck’d been telling their master that his choices were wrong. They’d been trying to do what was best for him, but that was no excuse for trying to give their master orders.

“I’m sorry, Master,” they whimpered.

Stephen shifted a little on the hard floor where he was still crouched down, frowning gently at Huck.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Huck heaved a sob.

“I argued with you,” they choked out, trying so hard to make Stephen understand. “I told you what to do! I tore up the sofa! I wouldn’t let you pet me and I ran away and I cried like a weak, stupid-” They banged their forehead hard against the floor, “awful-” Their head thumped the floor again.

“Huck!” Stephen barked, before his hand shot out and reached under the bed, stretching out towards Huck’s shoulder. “Stop it!”

Huck didn’t. Stephen wouldn’t make them be a better pet, so they’d do it themself.

“Huck!” Stephen sounded sharp and desperate. “Stop right now!”

Before Huck could do it again, Stephen’s hand found their arm and he pulled them, hard, out from under the bed.

Huck yelped, more shock than pain, though Stephen’s grip was rough. They were tugged out into the brighter light of the bedroom and then Stephen wrapped both arms around them and held them tight, one hand cradling the back of their head.

“Don’t do that, don’t ever do that.” Huck was shaking badly enough that it took a moment for them to realise that Stephen was trembling too. He was holding them close, like they might try to run away again. “Why’d you do that?” Stephen had his forehead pressed to Huck’s shoulder and Huck felt his tears seeping into their fur. They were too shocked to feel properly guilty, but it’d come.

“I don’t deserve a good Master,” Huck whispered. Their head was throbbing badly and they closed their eyes, going limp against Stephen.

“Yes you do.” Stephen rocked them gently. “You deserve every good thing. You’ve been through hell and- and those asshole owners of yours,” Huck tensed, “they told you it was your fault that they treated you like shit. But Huck, it was their fault, okay? No-one should treat anyone like you were treated, y’understand? You’re a good lad, a good person. You’ve always been good.”

Huck curled their tail around Stephen’s foot and couldn’t help but melt into the comfort Stephen offered so freely, even though they shouldn’t. They weren’t a person.

“Sometimes,” Huck whispered, “I watched Master Parry get into his car, out of the window. And- and- I wished that he’d die. I wished that another car would hit his car and he’d just-” They were crying again, waiting for Stephen’s disgust. They were always just waiting for it, for the moment he’d turn away from them, but it never happened. No matter what happened, Stephen never did. And he didn’t now either.

“He beat and abused you, lad, from what Mariann’s said. You wishing him to go away… there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re allowed to be angry at him.”

Huck shook their head. “I’m just a bad pet, Master. A good pet would never, ever think like that.”

Stephen eased away from them, but only far enough that he could meet their eyes. He rubbed their back for a long moment, looking thoughtful.

“Huck… can you, can you accept that I don’t think you’re bad? That I think you’re good just as you are? Maybe you don’t believe it, but just, believe me when I say you make my life better?”

A better pet would make you even happier, Huck thought.

But they knew what Stephen meant, and they did believe that Stephen thought that. He was too just too kind.

So they nodded silently and Stephen smiled a little.

“Alright. We’ll talk about this more in the future, okay? And just, promise me if you feel like- hitting yourself again, tell me, lad, please?”

Huck chewed their lip, before nodding again. They deserved punishment, but Stephen was right; he got to decide whether or not Huck got punished, not Huck. And if Stephen wanted to spoil them, then Huck should let him, however uneasy it made them feel. Their feelings didn’t matter after all, only what made Stephen happy.

*

Taglist (THANK): @smolnarwhal @free-2bmee @ffaerie-dustt @mortifiedwhump @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @Usernames-suck-but-i-like-whump @whumpity--whump--whump @quirkykayleetam @haro-whumps @oracle-of-maybe @whumpersworld @whumpqhs @deluxewhump @quoththeraven-what @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @pennsss @whumpzone 

If you want to be added or removed (or I missed your name off), drop me an ask or DM <3

Anddd, if you like my work, here’s my ko-fi page :)

[candicewright]

Hi omg I just saw your "ask me" post and almost cried from potential confusion relief lol. I do *not* want to start anything about the whole 2*7 incident again but I saw this vague shit post about it on twitter last night - about documents released or something proving w/yb's lawyers (anf maybe him?) were in on what happened to x z. I understand a *lot* of the history from context but I'm a newish rpf fan and Amrrican, and don't know who to ask what's going on. 1/2

2/2 Fwiw I love them both and don't *really* think there's anything to the rumors but after the spate of pointed kadian this week, I'm feeling kind of nervous. Is there any sort of context/info you could give? (Even if you don't want to publish the ask to further stir anything, *any* sort of context would be so appreciated. Thank you!!!!) ❤

Aaaahh I'm glad I can help some people who are just getting into this!💜

If I were to go in-depth about this, this post would be way too long. Luckily I don't have to because the wonderful @ohnobjyx did an incredible job at explaining it already (x). You should be able to get the full context there.

I can't truly be objective in my response to this since I don't seek out information that goes against either of them, but I really don't think that they would want to hurt each other. It just doesn't make sense knowing what we know about them. Also, I have a strong belief in the idea that if these rumors had any sort of validity, they wouldn't be just rumors.

Again, I've never seen the documents and I've only heard those rumors, so I can't say much about them, but I'm very skeptical.

I would take everything surrounding this whole thing with a grain of salt. I've had a bunch of people asking me if one thing or the other was true and the reality is, we can't really tell. However, from what we can see about their relationship and character, I have a strong feeling that those are nothing but rumors. I would even be willing to say with a level of certainty that if yh had anything to do with it, it definitely wasn't because wyb asked them to.

I hope this can calm you down a bit and don't hesitate to ask me about anything else you may need to know.

Also, since you mentioned not publishing the ask I feel like I should say a couple of things to anyone who might be reading this. 1) If you're against either xz or wyb, you shouldn't be on my blog. I love them both and I don't want to see anything against them here. 2) If for any reason you don't want to see CP content, that's understandable, a lot of people aren't comfortable with it. That's why I tag all these posts with #bjyx and #yizhan so that anyone can filter them if they'd rather not see them. If you'd want me to tag anything else, I'm also open to doing so, just tell me.

Thank you for the ask💜

[jawnjendes]

isn’t it obvious i’m a wreck | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

AN: fun fact the song this fic is named after has the same name as one of shawns songs :P anyway, this one is a bit angsty, and continued from no medicine is strong enough so yh if u like this series blease let me know and blease feel free to reblog the masterlist :’)

masterlist | series playlist

Only rarely was I ever vocal about my pain. Go ahead, pretend to be shocked. I mask my hurt, angry, upset feelings with mannerisms and behaviors my therapist wouldn’t necessarily approve of. I’d clear my throat to keep from crying hysterically. I’d play video games on the couch to avoid thinking about whatever is shaking my world at the moment. I’d fuck my boyfriend to avoid talking about my feelings sometimes, I’ll admit it.

But this… This was something I could not put on a front for, even if I wanted to. I really did not want to put on a mask. Shawn had to see what was happening to me, he had to know what he created inside me. My knees went weak and I was on the floor in his bedroom, heavy tears welling in my eyes. Something like a scream erupted out of me, followed by several loud, uncontrollable sobbing. He didn’t even finish his anecdote before I pieced it together.

My insides went cold as ice but hot as lava at the same time. I felt like I was physically falling apart, like my limbs were going to come off, like my surgery stitches were going to pop, like my heart was going to fall out of my chest if I didn’t hold myself. I hunched over, my forehead hitting the carpet as I cried louder.

“I’m… so sorry,” Shawn mumbled from where he sat on the bed.

“No you’re not!” I yelled at him as I sat up, my voice shaky and incoherent. “You could have done… you could have done so many other things before… before…”

“I know…”

“No you don’t! If you knew you wouldn’t have done anything! If you knew, you could have just broken up with me instead of betray me!” Angry tears streamed down my face, blackened by my mascara. I looked as crazy as I felt, as crazy as I just became. “Who was she? Do you love her?”

“No!” Shawn replied, looking at the floor. He had a pained expression on his face. Pain he only brought to himself. “It was just a stupid mistake, I was-” He sighed.

“What?! Say it!”

He got to his feet, looking down at me. “I was mad, okay? I was angry because you refuse to tell me anything! Ever since you left the hospital, you’ve shut me out! You make it so hard for me to even look at you! You make it so hard for me to love you! You’re so difficult to deal with, it’s like you want me to leave!”

My hand went to my stomach, where I was cut open not that long ago. I could feel the thick, bumpy surgery scar under my shirt. I was practically botched, cut open like a pig at a slaughterhouse. It messed with my head for a bit, and I needed even more therapy for it. I have mild trauma from my time in the hospital and it gives Shawn an excuse to cheat on me? Where is the logic in that?

“You made the decision to go out, hit up some random girl, go home with her… and it’s my fucking fault!?” I screamed, standing up once again. No more tears, I actually wanted to punch him. “You betray me, you hurt me…” Okay, more tears. “You throw away everything we have, after it took so long for me trust you, and it’s my fault?”

It’s my fault! It’s my fault! Everything is my fault!

Shawn made big strides towards me, and he grabbed my arm. He was saying something to me, but I was crying so much it made my stomach hurt. His voice was gentle now, and he was shaking me slightly. I tried to yank myself away, how dare he touch me… His hands have been on someone else’s skin. How could he touch me?

“Honey…”

I closed my eyes and shook my head, not wanting to hear the nickname he gave to everybody. He probably gave her the same nickname. It made me feel incredibly sick, I actually wanted to vomit.

“Hey there, little fighter…”

My eyes opened again, only slightly. It was hard to keep my eyes from squinting, because it was suddenly very bright in the room. I also felt wildly sleepy, like I could slip into a permanent coma at any moment. I couldn’t process any of my surroundings, the only thing I was sure of was that I was sitting on a bed, lying at an angle, and someone was holding my right hand and grabbing my left arm.

After blinking a few times, I looked to my left and saw a blonde lady in green scrubs standing next to me. She had thick black frames on and a pen in her bun. She was poking at a machine next to my bed until she realized I was staring at her with a stupid look on my face.

“Hi there, how ya feeling?” she asked, smiling at me like I was toddler.

“Sad,” I replied in a whisper. My throat was incredibly dry. I coughed once. “I think my boyfriend cheated on me.”

“That boyfriend?” the lady asked, pointing across the bed.

I turned my head the other way, finding Shawn sitting at my bedside. He was holding my hand and looking at me like it was fucking Christmas or something.

“You’re too pretty to cheat,” I mumbled. “Only ugly men cheat.”

He chuckled, though his brow furrowed in mild confusion.

“I feel sick,” I announced. “My boyfriend cheated and I feel sick.”

The blonde lady nurse person quickly grabbed a silver bowl from a table that appeared out of nowhere, and she held it for me as I puked in it. She reassured Shawn that that was normal, it was just the anesthesia. Oh yeah, I had surgery.

I fell asleep after that. When I woke up again, the blonde lady was gone, but Shawn was still holding my hand. Now, I knew that was Shawn Mendes, the popular singing guy from the college I went to. I knew that I knew him on some level. But I just stared at him with groggy eyes while he scrolled on his phone with his free hand.

“You’re pretty,” I mumbled. “Are you single?”

He eyes flickered up to me, and a the corners of his mouth went up. “Huh?”

“Are you here with anyone?” I asked.

“Uh, my mom should be coming soon. Stella just left, though.”

“No, like, do you have a date or something? You taken? You’re so cute…”

“Yeah, I’m taken. By you. I’m your boyfriend.”

My eyes widened for the first time. That statement shocked me so much I fell back asleep.

~

Several things kept me awake in the days after my surgery. For one thing, a nurse came in every hour to check my vitals and my incision site, even at night. I heard Shawn singing to himself whenever I tried to nap. I was pretty sure either his mom, Stella, or both were talking in the room. I felt like I was either balls deep in a coma, or balls deep in insomnia.

Anyway, the surgery was successful. Part of my bowel was removed, and I had to be kept on a liquid diet for a while. I still had a fever that made me slightly delirious. It was like the morphine except my body wasn’t numb. Shawn was quite entertained by my delusions, because I talked way too much about things I normally wouldn’t talk about.

“Don’t tell anyone,” I said to him on day four of fever dreams, “but you’re my favorite person ever, and I’m so lucky to have you.”

He was leaning on the bed, elbows on the thin, lumpy mattress. He was smiling so wide you almost couldn’t notice the bags under his eyes. “Well, you’re my favorite person too, and I’ll tell anyone who will listen.”

“Must be nice to not be scared of your feelings.” I looked at his arm, the one with all the tattoos. Then, I looked at his face. “God, you make me so-”

“So what?” He took my hand in his, and he rubbed my fingers with his thumb. He had a hopeful look in his eyes, like I was going to confess my love for the very first time.

Before my lagging brain could say anything more, a nurse entered the room. Older lady with short grey hair, very smiley. I wasn’t sure what time of the day it was, time didn’t exist in these walls. Maybe it was early, since she was so smiley. Most nurses at night were cranky and sleepy.

“Morning, you two,” she said, walking over to check my vitals on the machines. “You feeling okay, sweetie?”

“I’m good,” I said. “My cut feels warm, though.”

That warm feeling turned out to be a surgical site infection. It was hot, it was red, it was the cause of my fever, and best of all, it smelled and secreted some nasty shit. Needless to say, my hospital stay extended five more days. I had to convince Shawn to go back to work. One of us had to stay busy. He always came back to sleep at the hospital so I wasn't alone.

In other news, I was excused and given full credit for my English final, thank god. No prior studying had been done on my part, so I got lucky. As for research methods, I just had to email my final essay to my professor. Academically, I didn’t have to stress anymore. Living wise, Stella was constantly texting me about which of my belongings should go in which boxes, and where I got my textbooks from because none of them were from the campus bookstore. I had to make Shawn go to campus to help her.

By the time I was properly discharged, all of my things were moved into Shawn’s apartment, and my car was in the parking lot. We stumbled through the front door only to see several boxes lined up on the floor along the wall. I was leaning on Shawn for support, but the hallway was now too crowded for two people.

“Fuck,” Shawn cursed under his breath. “Here, let’s do it this way.”

He moved so he was standing in front of me, and he took both of my hands. Slowly, but surely. I stumbled my way through the hallway, careful not to disturbed the five tiny but deep cuts on my belly. They were still numb from the Vicodin I was given, so it was only a matter of time before the pain kicked in.

“You wanna go to the bed or the couch?” he asked, frequently looking behind himself so as to not trip on anything.

“Couch,” I said, “I wanna watch TV.”

“Alright, here we go.”

Who knew getting to the couch would be so exhausting? I was sat on the soft white cushion in minutes, completely winded. Shawn handed me the remote and smiled.

“Need anything?”

I shook my head.

“Okay. I’m gonna go move those boxes. Let me know if you need anything.”

What I needed was to be useful. Those were my boxes, my belongings. I had to be responsible for them. But no, one wrong move, and I’ll bleed out on Shawn’s white couch.

I couldn’t even lift my legs up and lie down on my side, or reach the handle to recline the seat without straining myself. I could only listen to Shawn move things around, and I could only stare out the massive windows. I had successfully turned into a couch potato in less than five minutes.

Eventually, I settled for watching gaming videos on YouTube. I fell down the rabbit hole that is Legend of Zelda theories. I had nothing else to do, anyway.

Then, my phone went off next to me. I looked at the screen, reading the name of the alarm I had set. It went off every day for the last few months, but weirdly enough I didn't remember it going off while I was in the hospital. Then again, drugs and fever dreams.

The sight of my medication alarm made me gasp softly. I had to get off my birth control and Prozac. Lack of birth control was fine, it just meant that my period would remain irregular. Besides, it’s not like I was having sex at all, not that that’s the reason why I take birth control. Lack of antidepressants would have been bad had I not been on morphine and Vicodin to keep me loopy.

“Babe, can you find me my meds?" I called.

Within minutes, Shawn came over to where I was sitting with the orange bottle and foiled packaging in his hand. He set them down on the coffee table, and then I had to ask him to recline my seat for me. I felt dainty and needy, and not in a good way.

The last of the hospital’s drugs wore off by the time Shawn and I went to bed. The physical act of getting to bed was more strenuous, now that there was nothing numbing me. I had a moderately high pain tolerance, but this shit was enough to keep me awake. I dozed off for minutes at at time before waking up again. Meanwhile, Shawn had knocked out the second his head hit the pillow. He had been moving my boxes into the spare room/his recording studio all day, and he had been running around getting me to the bathroom and walking me around the apartment so I didn’t turn into a full on potato. On top of that, he hadn’t slept much while I was at the hospital. He needed it more than me.

When sleep finally came to me, Shawn took my hand from under the sheets. I was too tired to squeeze it, let him know I was there.

~

I was up and running in the afternoon. Shawn had to work until the evening, so his mom came and stayed with me. Yes, I internally freaked out. Yes, I spoke to her while I was admitted, but I wasn't alone with her until now.

Karen was more persistent about getting me to my feet, so she took me on walks up and down the hallway of the floor this apartment was on. I felt winded every time, but I knew I needed it.

“So, when are your parents coming?” she asked, not for the first time.

“In the next couple of days,” I replied between huffs of breath. “They got my texts this morning, they’re working on flying over here.”

“Okay, good. I can’t wait to meet them.”

I feigned a smile. While I did miss my mom and dad, I was very nervous about their arrival. Not only was this going to be a belated hospital visit, this was also the first time they would be meeting Shawn and his family. Lowkey, I wanted to die. Lowkey, I’d rather be under the scalpel again.

Karen and I talked some more as we strolled through the corridor. I was able to finally tell her things about me that didn’t have to do with my illness. I told her about my goal of getting my Bachelors in psychology, and how much I loved my dealership job. You know, things your boyfriend’s mom would like to hear.

“Do you plan on staying in Toronto when you finish college?” she asked.

“I haven’t fully decided yet,” I said, “but it’s not off the table.”

“I imagine you’d like to keep living with Shawn if you stay.”

For once, I hesitated. It made me nervous. Was I supposed to be outwardly obsessed with her son, say I’d love nothing more than to be at his side all the time? I didn’t know how to sugar coat serious things like that, so I decided to be honest.

“Maybe. I mean, I’m only here because I had surgery and can’t travel.” I’m supposed to be home. “The only plan I have is to work in my field of study until I can open my own practice, wherever that may be. But I do love it here in Toronto, and I… I love Shawn.”

His mother was looking ahead as we walked, but she smiled at my sentiment. She was quiet, though, which prompted me to keep rambling.

“Like, if he and I are still together when we graduate, then yeah, we could live together. Properly, y’know, not while I’m recovering from surgery.”

Karen nodded in approval. “You’re realistic. That’s good. It’s good for him as well.”

I internally relaxed. Finally, a rational mom.

“You know Shawn is happy with you, right?” she said to me. “I’m sure he tells you, but I think you need to hear it from someone outside the relationship.”

“Really?” I asked. I felt a hint of doubt in my mind, but I wasn’t sure why. Karen was right, Shawn did tell me all his thoughts and feelings all the time. I just had the smallest feeling that maybe I was being lied to.

“Oh yes. The day he took you out on a first date, he told me… ‘Mum, I have a really good feeling about her. I haven’t felt this way about anyone before.’ He was over the moon, and he still is.”

My cold ass heart jumped for joy. I let myself believe I wasn’t being lied to.

~

Karen had to leave about an hour before Shawn was off his shift, meaning I had to be a couch potato for that long. It wasn’t a problem as long as I didn’t have to use the bathroom, and not much was getting into my system these days. After the liquid diet from the hospital, I was put on a “soft” diet. Most of what I ate was bananas, applesauce, and white rice. Oh, and soup. So much soup. Neither Shawn nor I cooked, so he always brought me soup or pasta from a shop downtown.

Shawn had decided to eat soft foods with me so I wouldn’t feel alone. But I knew he was most likely devouring whatever fast food was nearby his flower shop. I knew because I would probably do the same damn thing.

“Okay, they were out of chicken noodle,” he called as he entered the apartment, “but they had broccoli and cheddar, I know you like that!”

He made it to the couch, sat next to me, and kissed me on the cheek. Then, he set the brown paper bag down on the coffee table. He carefully took out the large styrofoam cup, but paused when he saw what I had on the TV.

“Thought you would have had enough of hospitals by now,” he commented, his chipper mood suddenly turned.

I shrugged. “Grey’s is comforting.”

Shawn sat back with my soup and handed it to me. “Can we watch something else?”

“Aw, don’t you wanna watch Lexie kick the can again?” I joked, giggling.

For whatever reason, he wasn’t amused. “Please. Change it.”

My laughter immediately died down. Then, I grabbed the remote and switched to The Office. “Sorry.”

Shawn had been hovering ever since I was admitted to the hospital. He frequently asked how my incisions were doing, if I felt faint, or if I needed anything at all. His hand was on my forehead more than it was sweetly cupping my cheek. He stayed by my side every minute. The only other thing he did was work at the flower shop. I wasn’t even sure if he had met up with Teddy for songwriting lately.

“How was work?” I asked him, nudging his side.

“I’ve seen too many roses today,” he replied, lying his head back on the cushion. “We have so many options, but everyone just wants roses. Or daisies.”

“Thought you liked roses.”

“Yeah, but when you see as many flowers as I do... “

“I wish I could go visit you,” I told him. “I’ve never actually seen where you work.”

“Mm, it’s a small place with a lot of light. Might be too out of your comfort zone.”

I made a face. Confused, but also mildly annoyed. Instead of snapping at him, I remained patient. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He picked up his head again and looked at me. “I’m just worried about you, my little fighter.”

“Well, I’ll be able to work again in ten days, and I’m on a soup diet. I just can’t travel on a plane or anything yet.” More specifically, I couldn’t go back home. I tried to adjust myself so I could look at Shawn properly, but a certain sting on my abdomen kept me still. “Have you sang lately? Do you have any gigs booked?”

Shawn looked at the TV and shook his head. “I couldn’t go even if I had one. I’ve got a sick girlfriend here, after all.”

Maybe I was already going crazy from the impending cabin fever, but that kinda hurt. A sting of guilt when through my chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” He changed the subject. “So, some of my friends are asking about you. They wanna come visit.”

The guilt only increased. Lately, I’ve been a lot more vulnerable than I was comfortable with. I was practically helpless in front of my boyfriend, who had only seen me as strong and independent up until my bowel crapped out on me. This was different territory, and I didn't like it.

“Not while I’m like this,” I said sheepishly. It wasn’t the first time I turned away visitors. I only allowed Shawn, Stella, and Karen to see me at the hospital.

“That’s okay,” Shawn replied. “Whenever you’re ready, you got people.”

Normally he would press the topic. In the earlier stages of our relationship, it was hard to come around to meeting Shawn’s friends. Almost none of them were expecting someone like Shawn to date someone like me. As always, I was my quiet and mysterious self, and it was a little off putting to them. Not to mention, my small reputation of sleeping around had gotten to some of them in the past. It was frowned upon when it was me, but if I recall correctly, my boyfriend used to be the exact same way. However, Shawn always gave me a push to be more engaging and reminded me to give people a chance, but this time he just let me have my way.

I was wide awake that night, and it wasn’t from my surgery pain.

It’s been two days since I was discharged. A week and a half since my surgery. Stella flew home to Florida without saying goodbye, and I was still stuck on not having any other visitors. I didn’t even tell my own friends, like the guys from my video game club. Most of them probably went home for the summer anyway. Now, Shawn was acting weird. Was he mad at me because I was keeping him from his music? Was he upset that I was taking up space in his apartment?

I turned my head to look at his sleeping figure. The moonlight shone in through the window, so I could barely make out the features of his body. For once, he didn’t look tense or stressed. He kept a physical distance from me, though. We couldn’t spoon like normal because I couldn’t lay on my side. Last night he still made the effort to hold my hand. Never had I wanted to turn to him and stroke his curly hair more than I did tonight.

Shawn suddenly twitched in his sleep. Not dramatically, but just enough to catch my attention. He was lying on his front, head facing me. He twitched again, and let out a small noise. It was a monotonous hum, lasted a good five seconds.

Delicately, I placed my hand on his bare shoulder. It was a little awkward because I couldn’t physically turn my body towards him, but I was still able to touch him.

Another groan left his mouth, distressed. Then, he yelped and twitched, now a little more spastic. He gasped and groaned into his pillow, so I gently shook him.

“Hey, hey babes. Wake up,” I said weakly. “Please wake up.”

Shawn woke with one final jerk of his shoulder. Panting, he turned onto his back and placed his hands over his face. “Fuck… Oh, fuck…”

“You’re okay,” I told him, touching his arm. “It’s okay. Just a dream, it’s okay.”

He took my hand and kissed my knuckles, all while trying to control his breath. Then he turned his body towards me. “I love you.” His voice shook in a way that made my heart ache.

I only returned the pressure on his hand, watching his face. It was probably for the best that I couldn’t see the exact expression he had on. I really hated seeing him in distress.

“I need to hear you say it,” he pleaded, holding my hand to his chest. “I need to hear your voice.”

“Shawn-”

“Please...”

“I love you. You know I love you,” I told him gently. “Do… do you wanna talk about what just happened?”

He shook his head. “No. No, I just wanted to hear your voice for a minute. I love you so much.”

That wouldn’t be the only night he would yell in his sleep and wake up shaking. That kept me up more than any surgical pain.

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

God,,Meg,,,

I was listening to music (like I do for like hours a day) and I got to the song “Let Her Go”...and...instead of Alex and MC,,it went to Apollo and Rose and I am CRYING. This isn’t th thought that had me crying at 2 am. That one still needs a little thought and correct writing, BUT LIKE THIS IS JUST SAD ALRIGHT AND I HAD TO GET IT OUT.

It’s like 12 AM today and I’ll probably be posting this around like 3 pm because I want it to be seen bc I’m an attention seeker djwbsb. Alright so let me get down to it.

Future Sarah: Hahah it’s like almost midnight when I AM posting this :’)))

I was listening to it and it’s not necessarily related to Alex or any of AFK,, it’s just certain parts of the song that had me thinking “APOLLO MOOOD”. Like,,I love Apollo so much (well my Apollo) but I love to have everyone suffer before happy endings bc that’s how I roll. We know this from our AUs and us bouncing ideas back and forth djwndb. Okay alright let me start SORRY DNABD.

Okay the lyric part,

“Staring at the bottom of your glass, hoping one day you’ll make a dream last.”

I just imagined,,,Apollo in Olympus after Rose has died in her second timeline. Apollo (canon-wise) felt to blame for Roses death in her first lifetime. He felt like it was his fault because he wasn’t there to watch her. He stayed hidden instead of actually being in her life (he was there but not there ya know??) and he felt a little bit responsible. Because of this, he tried harder in her second life,,but it didn’t work. Because the moment he left to do what he thought was right...she died with him not with her, once again. She died and I didn’t put this in the story (I think?? If I did then ignore this part) but she wanted to see Apollo only to find out he had gone to get ingredients. She felt sad, but understood how he wanted her to get better,,but she knew she wasn’t going to get better. She was dying and she felt it, but she kept smiling and prayed that Apollo would come back in time,,but he didn’t.

SO, he’s sitting in Olympus and let’s say the gods throw a party. Why?? IDK! But I mean maybe they’re like Sevastian just throwing parties bc why the heck not. Everyone’s having drinks and he needs to show he’s okay. He doesn’t want any of them to be suspicious or talk to him. He wanted to be left alone, but he couldn’t be alone. Not yet anyways. So, he’s drinking a lot. Laughing a bit at the others jokes, but he spaces out sometimes and looks at his empty wine glass. He feels a bit tipsy,,,but it’s never enough to make him forget his problems. Heck, it makes him focus on his problems more,,and nothing could take it away.

And Rose was his dream. His dream of happiness, his dream of humanity becoming better,,,and just his dream. It was always hard for him to describe his feelings towards Rose,,all he knows is that he loves her and she is his dream of everything. And he couldn’t see that dream anymore,,

Only sleep could take him to his dream for a few hours, but it always hurt when he woke up.

And the gods notice him spacing out and one claps a hand on his shoulder and fill his glass back up. He lets out a laugh and pretends that he’s okay for the rest of the night...but he’s nowhere near alright.

“You see her when you close your eyes, maybe one day you’ll understand why. Everything you touch surely dies...”.

Everytime he closed his eyes and rested for awhile, he saw her smile. He saw her brunette hair, gorgeous, blue eyes, her pink lips that were beautiful when she smiled, and he remembered everything about her. Usually, that would be good of a lover...but for him it caused pain. Heck, he doesn’t know if he’s called a lover. For a long time he didn’t feel love. Many gods and goddesses had affairs or “husbands” and “wifes”. Nothing seemed real and so he never tried in any of it. He just stayed showing people music and going to humanity every now and then.

But when he met Rose, he got this feeling in his heart. His heart raced when she smiled at him (not in her second lifetime since she was a kid or when she was a kid in her first lifetime,,,), he felt a little bashful under her gaze when she listened to him play his music, and whenever she talked to him in a demanding voice,,,he got a little flustered. At first, he didn’t understand why.

He hated it.

He hated the idea of a human being able to bring him, a GOD, to his knees. But he loved it at the same time. He would do anything for her and he realized it too late...because when Gods tempt fate, maybe fate bites them back. Rose would always die and Apollo will always blame himself,,,

“Staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old empty feeling in your heart.”

Apollo would have trouble falling asleep. He was a god and could run in few hours of sleep, but he would almost get no sleep. The only time he would sleep was when he couldn’t stand up without feeling something push him down on a bed. Or if he was out in Olympus or on the surface, he would feel his feet drag him somewhere. It wasn’t him doing it either,,,or maybe it was. He would laugh and think that maybe Rose was trying to push him back down or go somewhere to sleep...but maybe it was just him trying to stay hopeful.

Once he got to a bed, turned the lights off, he stared at the ceiling,,,he felt his heart not feel okay. “Not okay” wasn’t the right words at all. He felt broken,,no amount of alcohol, sleep, talking, or anything could fill the hole in his heart. However, he would force himself to sleep, knowing Rose would be angry at him. In fact, when he couldn’t sleep he would think of good times. He would think of Rose making fun of him and he felt a bit better :))).

“Well, you see her when you fall asleep, never to touch and never to keep.”

Apollo would have dreams of seeing Rose. Well, not her herself, but past her. The Rose that he first met at that river. He would see their encounter, but only as a spectator. He would feel the feelings always. Feel his heart break when he sees how he was a little rude to her. He would change the past, but he also wouldn’t. Change the past you change the future.

That sounds like a good thing to him sometimes. Maybe if he did be in her life more, maybe she’d be alive. But then he realizes that she’d live a normal life and die...and never come back. And he hates himself for that thought.

His selfishness....

And that’s why he believes he’s punished by seeing her in his dreams, but not able to hug her, kiss her, or comfort her. He’s just haunted by the past and he prays every night that he’ll get to see her again...

“Because you loved her too much.”

He does love her too much. He cares for humans, yes, but this human was a person he fell too in love with. But he never wishes that he didn’t. He loves the feeling of love. And he thought love was a happy thing, a thing full of joy and happiness, or that’s what he thought from Aphrodite. But when he lost Rose...he learned love has other emotions too..

Guilt if you lose them.

Pain if you lose them.

Suffering if you lose them.

Aching if you lose them.

And so many more things that aren’t shown in the contract of love. Only in the fine print....

And he suffered them.

In his terms, Aphrodite was the doctor telling him his symptoms of love...and then the other symptoms of love when the time had come...

And like,,,this idea was meant for Apollo and Rose away from AFK. But I remembered the ending of the song...

He says “And ya let her....”

And it’s silent for a second. And I imagined Apollo, attending Alex and MCs wedding. That part of the song happens...and when the singer finally says

“...Go”

Alex and MC kiss.

Apollo let her go.

And that action is another symptom of love. The feeling of wanting them to be happier than you. Even if it means hurting yourself,,or letting them go.

Thoughts on this sad idea >:)? And there’s not a lot of proofreading...so sorry if there’s mess ups.

[commissario-dante-alighieri]

[red1ight]

i want to write some things down abt the dreamcatcher concert!! Mostly bc my memory is shit and I want to be able to look back somewhere to actually remember lol so here are just some thoughts that are really all over the place

ok first of all. how does jiu hold all that love in her eyes like that???

their live vocals!!!!

i was so impressed by yoohyeon’s vocals like no surprise but still her voice!! hearing it live in the same room?? amazing

when the show started sua kept trying to get us to make these weird noises with her and she was trying to time it in such a weird way lkajsdflkja 

sua kept just like screaming into the mic i mean what else could i have expected

she said insomnias were cute and she wanted to put us in her pocket 🥺

siyeon’s overdose was. really amazing live

she kept doing this thing where she was like trying to mess up her bangs to be sexy lmao it worked

Yoohyeon said she watched lots of movies that took place in NY and she always noticed the stream coming out from the ground and so she said when she went yesterday (for the first time?) she saw the steam in real life and she was like oh!!! awesomel! adjsjhnh lmao she sees how nasty the city is irl and she’s like how cool! only yoohyeon lov her

Someone brought a LIFE SIZE handong cut out and they kept it on stage the whole show

their voices were all so strong and clear it was amazing 

7 rings..💀 that is all

except it’s not all lol after the unit stages sua was insisting that every member do That Part of the 7 rings choreo I don’t know why dhakdh like ma’am WHO asked anyway she like reallllly grinded up on jiu 🙈 siyeon was like that meme ‘i am looking away’

sua like?? grabbed jiu under her arm or something and siyeon covered her eyes walked off stage and sua had to pull her back on lmao

jisu tried to get siyeon and gahyeon to do 7 rings and gahyeon was really like 🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️and so they settled on if you dont want to do it you don’t have to

in conclusion this part of the concert was just the bora agenda i guess lmao

Yoohyeon said she wanted to be closer to Sua for the 7 rings choreo and sua was like ???¿?? And she said yoohyeon’s acting weird I’ve never seen her this aggressive or something like that lol then they did the closer “original” version of the 7 rings choreo and idk what happened really bc I couldn’t see :( but I think she like grabbed sua or something and sua was shocked and yoohyeon was like it’s because of what sua did at the last show lmao anyway yh ran away before bora could kill her on stage

they talked about the time square billboard which was so sweet they showed the photo they took on the big screen and then they tried to recreate it

during the singji part of you and i in the bridge siyeon ducked when jiu went to hug her lol

i think the most fun i had was when we were all doing the fanchants!! it was really soo fun like i can’t express and they were really loud! at least in my section they were i hope the girls could hear

especially during deja vu piri and you and i :)))

seeing piri live what a rush

everyone got really hyped for all of dami’s rap parts that was fun

dami’s voice during polaris 😌 so nice

there was just so much love there!! between the girls and the fans

Gahyeon cried towards the end 😥 and we all started chanting gahyeon! gahyeon! And she hid behind yoohyeon and the handong cut out :’o

wake up and mayday were so fun we were all jumping so much

at the beginning of mayday with that piano part sua was playing the piano on gahyeon’s back 

the way jiu just absolutely jams during mayday

i was so taken by gahyeon’s stage presence the whole show like her dancing really just stood out to me

at the very end when they were saying goodbye they were saying how it was their last stop of their first american tour and everybody cheered and then a section near me tried to start a usa! usa! chant and me and this girl next to me just looked at each other like....... lmao no absolutely not and thankfully the cheer didnt take off haha

but so the less fun part was the veerrrrry beginning like before we went in. whoever was running the venue messed up the lines and stuff. i mean none of that stuff ever goes according to plan it’s pretty rare that it goes smoothly at least in my experience but i got there at like 5:30 and was waiting outside in the cold until after 7 D: it was freezing but i was also dumb and wore not the warmest clothes for a 36 degree day 🤦 lmao but so the show started before everyone got let in :( i dont really know how that happened i guess there must have been a miscommunication but i missed the intro and fly high :(( luckily i got in there to see the very very end of fly high but there had to be at least like 150 people behind me and the line was still outside around the block :( so that was kind of sad i felt bad for those people i wonder when they finally got in

i got T3 but somehow ended up at the way back because idk they kept moving the lines around and i think they got us mixed up at some point but yeah im not short short but im not tall either so it was hard for me to see for the most part  

but yeah! i dont really like to focus on the negative everybody worked hard im just glad i got to see dc! i had a good time :)