#but yeah. ill just write that for now. if i come back later with more things to yap about . dont worry bout it slkdjfah
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elegyofthemoon · 7 days ago
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i'm writing this before new years actually happens bc idk if im even gonna be awake at midnight but I did this last year too I think but I wanted to keep up with it because I feel like...there's a lot that went down this year so :) cheers
I was reflecting this time last year I was still in medschool and studying in the UK for a dream that I honestly didn't really believe in, just following what was expected of me and just hoping for the best.
But at the end of 2023, I swore to myself that the shit year that 2023 was, I'd never take those grievances with me into 2024.
And I didn't. 2024 marked a huge huge turning point and a big leap for me as a person where after all these years of wondering and feeling very disconnected with myself, I finally took steps to seek myself out - to reconnect with the things I love and am passionate for.
And I'm so glad that I took those steps - leaving medschool and pursuing my hobby in voice acting - a dream that I just accepted as a dead dream - because now we're in the new year, and the amount of VA projects I got in was awesome. Not to mention now turning one of my big interests into a personal VA passion project as well...
This doesn't mean anything to anyone but me but
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This was how much work I did as a VA starting end of May. It's not even an entire year, and that's amazing to me because getting 20 roles is crazy. Albeit, a lot of those are projects that never went through, but the fact I got that many is still astounding for someone who just restarted her career again in VA.
So I'm proud of it. I'm proud of what I accomplished there. And while I'll be pursuing something else in line with psychology and peds, I think at the end of the day, my greatest love is in VA.
So I'm happy for 2024, even despite all the hardships that I had to go through (mostly familial drama). I'm proud of myself for pursuing something I genuinely love and finding something that makes me happy to do rather than burning myself out so much that I lost interest in living.
And for the people that had been very supportive me during that whole journey because it was quite the rocky road. idk if Ev is gonna read this but Ev and my irl friend Nick have been really supportive of me on my journey and having to hear the va updates all throughout the journey and all the ups and downs that came along with it, so I really appreciate them for being there while I was trying to find myself.
So I really really hope that I can bring that joy I found and that confidence that I have of my future into 2025. And I hope that confidence continues to grow in the next year so I can be happier to share all these things I accomplish and continue to grow and develop further as a person.
2024 was my first step into becoming me. Let 2025 be the plunge into myself.
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revasserium · 5 months ago
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love bites
kenma, tsukki, kageyama, hinata; 2,025 words; fluff, slightly suggestive, mentions of hickies, no "y/n", fem!reader, whiney!kageyama, dom!hinata, tsukki being... tsukki, post timeskip!characters
summary: these hickeys like the remnants of our love, footsteps on the sea-soaked sand, a line of demarcation -- here is where our story begins.
a/n: i just rly wanted to write about hq! babes and hickies...
kenma.
the first time it happens, it’s a mistake — a brief moment of vindictiveness manifest in the way he whines and nuzzles into your neck before opening his mouth and sinking his teeth into your skin. when you gasp, your head tipping back, kenma pauses, pulling back, his mind already cataloging this very interesting new piece of information for later use, but his eyes have yet to catch up — his body has yet to catch up with the sight of you, cheeks pink, lips parted, eyes slightly glazed over as you stare ruefully up at him, a hand coming up to press over your mouth as you frown.
“w-what was that for?”
kenma hums, sitting back with a pout, “you were the one being unfair.”
you scowl, “how was i being unfair? you lost the game fair and square — the stakes were loser does the dishes.”
kenma sniffs, his nose crinkling at the thought, “but we have a dishwasher — it’s literally in the name —”
“but the nice wine glasses can’t be put through the dishwasher!”
you push yourself up onto your elbows even as kenma slumps back on the sofa, groaning loudly. still, he lets his head slump to one side to stare at the rapidly darkening patch of skin at the junction of your neck and shoulders. there’s something that feels dangerously like desire calcifying in the pit of his stomach and he weighs the pros and cons of leaning forward to give you another good bite.
really, dinner was great, dessert was better but — this.
suddenly, he understands what his teammates had always meant when they’d said they could keep on eating forever, even when their stomachs were full to bursting, even when they thought they’d be ill.
“stupid wine glasses…” he murmurs, leaning forward to prop his chin on your shoulder. you laugh, a soft, breathy thing as you reach out to tug a strand of hair from his low, messy bun.
“but the wine was good, no?”
kenma hums, letting his head loll back and forth, his eyes flickering down once more to the round ring of red now rising against your skin. he allows himself a tiny grin, leaning forward to press a kiss over the tender flesh. he makes note of the way you gasp, soft and expectant, the way your body seems to tense and then go laxed beneath his hands.
“yeah…” he whispers, smirking as he sinks delicate fingers into your hair, gently shifting your head to one side to allow him more access, “guess it was good…”
he presses another kiss to your neck, just slightly below the reddening hickey.
“g-guess? that was — a-an expensive bottle…”
“hmmm…” kenma trails his lips down over your shoulder, tugging lightly at your shirt, the wide collar falling away easily. when he finds yet another patch of unmarred skin, grazing his teeth over it, he feels the way you reach up to fist your fingers in his hair.
“’zume… don’t think you can get out of doing the dishes like this…”
kenma laughs, letting his breath puff out against your skin seconds before he opens his mouth and takes another soft bite. he doesn’t miss the way you whimper this time, doesn’t mistake the hitch in your breath for something like surprise when he knows better — and he knows you best of all.
“not trying to get out of doing it… just… we never specified when the loser has to do the dishes so…” he licks his lips, glancing up at you with a bright, devilish flicker behind his eyes, “i’m just taking my time with the meal. nothing wrong with that, right?”
tsukki.
it is a normal thing, for you to wake up in the morning and find remnants of the night before scattered across your skin like sand dollars littered upon a stretch of beloved beach. and tsukishima is never apologetic — ever.
if anything, he looks upon his work with pride, smirking as you tug at the collar of your shirt, tutting.
“tsukki… i told you not to bite so hard…”
“hmm… sorry, i must’ve forgotten,” he props a cheek on his hand, peering at you over his glasses, his tone the farthest thing from apologetic, “heat of the moment and all.”
you shoot him a reproachful look in the mirror and watch as his grin widens ever so slightly.
“the girls are the museum are gonna have a field day with this.”
tsukishima shrugs, slumping back into the bed with a loud, long sigh.
“dunno why girls have such a weird fixation on other people’s boyfriends. ‘s not like it’s any of their business.”
you tug listlessly at the collar of your button up shirt, resigned to the fact that you’ll never be able to hide the marks properly as you heave another sigh.
“it’s just how we communicate — it’s like… how guys sometimes just need to like… punch it out — or whatever.”
“or whatever?” tsukishima almost chortles, rolling over onto his stomach again. your schedules at the museum only overlap 2 days a week, and the rest of the days, either he’s off or you are. it’s a miracle the pair of you were able to meet in the first place, let alone hit it off like you did.
“yeah. i don’t know how guys communicate,” you say, even as tsukishima swings out of bed to come up behind you, looping his arms around your middle.
“we… don’t, really,” he admits, in a customary deadpan, propping his chin on the top of your head with obscene ease. you frown up at him, tilting your head back till it hits the middle of his chest.
“you’re gonna make me late again.”
“so?”
“so — unless you want me to get fired —”
“they’re not gonna fire you. you’re too good at… cataloging maps, or whatever it is you guys do in the cartography department.”
tsukishima spins you around his arms, pressing you lightly back against the mirror. he considers you for a moment, with eyes just sharp enough to pass for academic interest, but you see the darkness misting its depths, the pressure in his fingertips as he leans in to seal his lips over yours in a kiss that could only be called searing.
you break away gasping, only to feel his lips trail fire down your neck seconds before —
“t-tsukki — !”
he pulls back with a satisfied smirk; you can feel yet another bruise blooming along your skin.
“there. one more thing for you and your girlfriends to bond over, hm?”
kageyama.
it is a deliberate thing, the first time. but kageyama remembers the strange gravity, the tug just behind his navel, the persistent itch of curiosity as he leans forward to sink his teeth into your skin.
he likes the way you hiss, the way you go soft in his arms, the pair of you already a pile of tangled limbs on the massive sectional in the living room, the lights dimmed, half a bottle of red wine yet un-drunk on the coffee table.
“tobio… what —”
he hums, burying his face in your shoulder, fingers digging into your sides.
“… something i wanted to try…”
“hm?” you gently card your fingers through his hair, quirking your head to one side.
“it’s just —” he pulls back, a deep blush prickling his cheeks as he looks anywhere but at you, “something… i’ve wanted to try. for — a while,” he admits, looking shockingly small for a internationally renowned volleyball player, hunched over on the couch like this, his lips stained dark with wine.
you giggle, leaning up to tilt his chin back towards yours.
“sure. you can try whatever you want.”
you lay back, stretching out beneath him, pliant and willing, and kageyama goes still for a solid four seconds before he narrows his eyes, an un-namable hunger clawing at his insides as he pulls you beneath him and groans into your skin.
he likes the way the colors seep the surface of your skin, likes the way it’s so obvious against the bright of your collarbones. he spends all of the following day in an intoxicatingly good mood, to the point where his teammates are understandable suspicious. but he just tells them he slept well, that he had a good dinner last night, that wine was really, really delicious.
and that thanks for the recommendation.
hinata.
brazil has changed him, in more ways than you can count, but at the same time, in some ways, he is just, just the same.
“s-shou-you!”
“mmm —” he whines sucking a deep hickey into the junction of your neck, his pupils blown wide as he pulls back, lips split into a too-pleased grin, “what is it? did i hurt you?”
there’s the barest hint of a tease in his voice, and anyone else might’ve thought he’s completely serious, that he’s actually worried. and in a sense, he is — he’d never want to actually hurt you. but he also knows that — to a certain degree, you revel in this kind of pain.
you chew on your bottom lip, shaking your head.
“no… it’s — it’s okay.”
“yeah?” he sounds entirely too happy with himself as he reaches forward to thumb at the damp spot on your skin, “ah… that one’ll be pretty. just like you!”
he laughs, his joy so pure and infectious that it makes you blush. you look away.
“shou…?”
“hm? what is it, pretty girl?”
he bends back down to press a light kiss to your collarbone, peaking up at you with those would-be innocent eyes.
“don’t… don’t tease me.”
hinata laughs, that self-same, joyous sound.
“but i like teasing you!” he says, with no hint of malice, not a single sliver of shame.
you can only cover your eyes with your arm, turning your head away.
“aww, don’t do that —” he says, coaxing your hand away before pinning both of them above your head with a single, fluid move. your breath hitches.
“don’t hide from me…”
it’s too much to hope for that someone with eyes like his would miss such a thing. you watch as the dark, lightless centers of his eyes grow ever so slightly larger, threatening to overtake the honeyed ring of his actual iris.
“can’t… can’t help it…” you look away, feeling the waves of indomitable heat, wave after wave, washing through you, collecting at the base of your stomach to twist into something deeper, something harder.
“can’t help what, hm?” hinata laces your fingers with his; distinctly, you can feel his thighs flex on either side of your legs, locking you in place. the summers are hot in rio, but you can’t help but wonder if more than half the heat in the room might be coming from the pair of you alone.
all around him, the air wavers like a reflection in pond-water —
“shou… just —” you lick your lips.
“ah…” there’s a soft whine curling at the edge of his voice as he leans down, “you’re not playing fair at all…”
desire pulses like a heartbeat inside you.
“shouyou, please,” you beg, trying to wrest some semblance of control back from him but he’s having none of it. he pins your hands to either side of your head, his bed more than wide enough for the pair of you, with room to spare.
“mah… you gotta be a bit more specific than that,” he says, his voice almost casual as he noses into your pulse point right beneath your jaw. you hold your breath and a second later, the harsh sting of his teeth rakes through you, chasing pleasure down your spine.
“m-more —” you choke out the word against the heat of his lips and you feel rather than see him grin above you.
“yeah? i think i can do that for you.”
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itneverendshere · 3 months ago
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Can we get something along the lines of bartender reader maybe working at the country club and some guy has been hitting on her all night, he’s older, creepy, won’t leave her alone, getting drunker as the night goes on and she’s just trying to ignore him but she has to go to the supply closet later in the night or steps away for whatever reason and the guy follows her? reader is gone for too long and Rafe notices, finds her and stops the guy?? I need protective Rafe over reader 😍
ugh i hate creeps, literally felt ill writing this but for the sake of the story i did, bc it's unfortunately very common. thank you for the request lovely 🫶🏻🫂
throw away my faith just to keep you safe - r.c
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader (bartender!reader universe) warnings: unwanted advances; there's a creep.
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It was just another Friday night, the usual crowd of kooks indulging in their weekly rituals of wealth and excess. For you, it was just another night behind the bar.
Wiping down the counter, you glanced at the clock. Nearly midnight.
Your shift was crawling toward the finish line, thank god, but the crowd promised at least another hour of pouring drinks and faking smiles. Not that you minded by this point — the tips were decent, and the job wasn’t hard. But sometimes, the clientele was more than you could handle.
“Another round for me, sweetheart?”
You turned toward the voice and visibly shuddered at the sight. There he was again — the guy who had been hitting on you all night, like a stupid plague. He was in his mid-forties, with thinning hair and a sleazy smile. He’d been getting progressively drunker, his advances getting bolder with every drink. You didn’t get paid enough to put up with this shit, but you also didn’t feel like getting fired for slapping someone across the face. 
You gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to keep it professional. “Sure. Another whiskey?”
He leaned closer, his breath reeking of alcohol. “Y’know you’ve got the prettiest eyes. Why don’t you come sit with me for a bit? I’m sure the bar can survive without you.”
Internally, you cringed. Outwardly, you kept your smile, though it was starting to drop. “I’m working,” You replied, “I can’t.”
He grinned like he hadn’t heard you — or maybe he just didn’t care. “C’mon, you can take a break. I’ll make it worth your while.”
You’d rather shoot yourself in the face. You turned away, busying yourself with grabbing his drink. You didn’t want to make a scene. You could handle this. You’d dealt with drunk idiots your entire life.
But something about him was different — he wasn’t just annoying, he was persistent, and you didn’t like the way he was looking at you.
Rafe had checked in on you earlier, but you hadn’t seen him for a while. Normally, you could handle yourself, but tonight you really wished he was closer.
The guy’s drink slammed down in front of him harder than you intended, and you forced another smile. “Here you go.”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he drawled, eyes dragging down your body in a way that made your skin crawl. “You’re too pretty to be stuck behind a bar. Bet you could find someone to take care of you, huh?”
You barely held back an eye roll as you turned away from him, grabbing the rag to wipe down the counter again just to have something to do with your hands. 
The guy cleared his throat, leaning even closer over the bar. “How much longer do you think you’ll be working, sweetheart?” His voice was low, like he was trying to make it intimate, but it just made your stomach turn. “I’ll wait for you. We could have a little fun after you’re off. I know you’re not gonna go home alone tonight, right?”
“Yeah, I am,” you muttered under your breath, hoping he didn’t hear.
But he did.
“Aw, come on now, don’t be like that,” he said, his grin widening like you were joking with him. “I know girls like you — all tough on the outside, but once someone gives you a little attention, you melt.”
You slammed the rag down, turning toward him, patience leaving your body. “Look, I’ve told you, I’m working. And even if I wasn’t, I’m not interested. So how about you just take your drink and leave me alone?”
His smile dropped for a moment, his eyes narrowing in irritation. “You don’t gotta be a bitch about it, sweetheart,” he slurred, clearly not backing down. “I’m just trying to be nice.”
Before you could answer — or reach for the nearest object to throw at him — a familiar voice cut in from behind.
“How about you fuck off before I make you?”
You knew that tone. It was the one he used right before things escalated. Fast. You looked over to see Rafe standing just behind the bar, his jaw clenched and his eyes locked onto the guy in front of you.
His posture was tense, fists curled at his sides like he was holding himself back from jumping at the guy. “Rafe,” you called softly, reaching out to grab his arm. “It’s fine, I’ve got it.”
But he didn’t take his eyes off the man. “No, you don’t,” he muttered, stepping closer to the bar, “This guy’s been harassing you all night. He needs to leave.”
He looked Rafe up and down, taking in the expensive clothes, the look in his eyes, and the way his muscles tensed beneath his shirt.
“Hey, man,” the guy said, holding up his hands in a show of surrender. “No need to get all worked up. I was just talking to her.”
“You weren’t just talking,” Rafe snapped, “You were being a creep, and now you’re gonna get the fuck out of here.”
The guy opened his mouth to argue, but Rafe took another step forward, and whatever argument he had died in his throat. He grabbed his drink from the bar, muttering something under his breath that you couldn’t quite catch before he turned and stumbled away toward the door.
Once he was gone, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.
Rafe turned to you, his expression softening immediately. “You okay, baby?”
You nodded, but your hands were shaking slightly. “Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks for stepping in.”
He stepped closer, “You shouldn’t have to deal with assholes like that.”
“I can handle it,” you replied, “But I’m glad you were here.”
Rafe’s brow furrowed slightly, his thumb tracing soft circles against the skin in your arm. “I don’t want you handling it. I don’t want you dealing with that shit at all.”
You smiled faintly, leaning into his touch. “It’s part of the job sometimes.”
“Not when I’m around, it’s not,” he said firmly, his eyes locking onto yours. 
You grinned, your fingers brushing over his collarbone as you tilted your head up to kiss him. His lips were soft against yours and when you pulled back, his forehead rested against yours.
“I’ll be fine for the rest of the night,” you whispered. “Promise.”
He exhaled softly, his arms tightening around you just a little. “I know. I just hate seeing shit like that happen to you.”
“Me too, baby.” you admitted, your fingers tracing patterns on his chest. “But at least the tips are good, right?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Only you would focus on the tips after that.”
“Gotta find the silver lining somewhere,” you teased.
Rafe chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again. This time it was deeper, and for a moment, you almost forgot you were still at work. When he pulled away, he glanced back toward the bar. “You need me to stick around?”
You shook your head. “Nah, I think your little display of alpha male behavior probably scared off any other creeps for the night.”
He smirked, looking a little too pleased with himself. “Good.”
“Go hang out with the guys,” you said, patting his chest. “I’ll see you when I’m done.”
He hesitated for a second, his hand still resting on your waist like he wasn’t ready to let go, but finally, he nodded. “Alright. But if I see him again…”
“You won’t,” you assured him. “And if you do, I’ll let you know.”
He gave you one last kiss, then reluctantly let you go and headed back toward his friends. You watched him for a moment, smiling to yourself before you turned back to the bar.
Forty minutes later, Rafe stood by the side of his truck, fingers drumming against the hood as he waited for you to finish up. He hated this place most days — hated how these old, rich assholes thought they could treat you like you were some kind of prize they could buy. It had taken everything in him not to knock that guy out earlier, but he knew you didn’t want a scene. Still, he’d been fuming ever since.
You’d be out any minute now, and the two of you would go to his house. He just needed to chill. But then, five minutes passed… then six… and a knot started to form in his stomach. You were never this late getting out, and you’d told him you’d be quick tonight.
Where the were you? He checked his phone again. Nothing.
Rafe pushed off the truck and started pacing, his eyes glancing between the front entrance and the locker room doors around the back. He knew you were still inside, but something wasn’t sitting right with him. His instincts were screaming at him now. After another minute, he couldn’t take it anymore. Fuck this.
He strode back inside and headed straight for the back hall that led to the locker room where you always changed after work. As he turned the corner, his heart stopped. There, right outside the locker room door, was the same asshole from earlier — the drunk creep who’d been hitting on you. His greasy hand was on the door, shoving it open, trying to force his way inside.
Rafe saw red.
Without thinking, he surged forward, grabbing the guy by the collar and slamming him back against the wall so hard the drywall cracked. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
The guy didn’t have time to react before Rafe’s fist connected with his jaw, his head snapping back against the wall. He stumbled, eyes wide with shock as he tried to raise his hands in defense, but Rafe didn’t give him a chance.
“You thought you could get away with that shit?!” He growled as he shoved him again, pinning him hard against the wall. The guy let out a choked gasp, his face going pale as he tried to squirm out of Rafe’s grip.
“I-I wasn’t—” the guy sputtered, his words slurred from the blow.
Rafe didn’t want to hear it. He threw another punch, this one harder than the first, his knuckles splitting against the guy’s cheekbone. All he could see was you — you, behind that door, completely unaware that this piece of shit had been about to force his way in.
“Rafe!” 
He stopped his fist still clenched, inches from the guy’s face. He turned his head just enough to see you standing in the doorway, dressed in your usual jeans and a hoodie, eyes wide, like you couldn’t believe what you were seeing.
“Baby,” you said stepping forward. “It’s okay. He’s not worth it.”
But Rafe couldn’t let it go — couldn’t let the image of this creep forcing his way into the room where you were out of his head. The thought made him sick. It made him want to tear this him apart piece by piece.
“I should fucking kill you,” Rafe spat, his voice trembling  as he pressed the guy harder against the wall.
“Please. I’m okay. He didn’t get in.”
It took every little ounce of self-control Rafe had, but he finally let the guy go, stepping back just enough for the asshole to crumple to the floor, groaning in pain.
“You come near her again, I swear to god…” He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to. The guy knew exactly what he meant.
The creep scrambled to his feet, clutching his bleeding face as he stumbled down the hallway, mumbling something that Rafe didn’t bother to listen to. His eyes were on you now, his breathing heavy as the adrenaline started to wear off.
His hands were still shaking, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
You nodded, though your eyes were still wide, “I’m fine. He didn’t get in, baby. You stopped him.”
Rafe exhaled, running a hand through his hair as he tried to breathe properly. The thought of what could’ve happened if he hadn’t come inside when he did made him want to throw up. “I should’ve been here,” he muttered “I should’ve been right here with you.”
“Rafe, you can’t be with me every second,” you stepped closer to him. “You did the right thing. I’m okay. Really.”
But he wasn’t convinced. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, needing to know for sure that you were safe. His grip was tight, maybe too tight, but he couldn’t help it. “I swear to god, if he’d touched you…”
“He didn’t,” you murmured, your hands rubbing soothing circles on his back, “He's not going to."
He held you like that for a long moment, his heart still beating too fast, his mind conjuring everything that could’ve gone wrong tonight.
 “No more working late nights here.”
You pulled back slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Rafe—”
“I’m serious,” he interrupted, “This place is full of creeps, and I’m not letting you deal with that shit anymore.”
You sighed, “We’ll talk about it.”
He didn’t argue — not now, at least. But as far as he was concerned, you weren’t coming back here. Not without him.
“What the hell is going on back here?”
You both turned to see Greg, your manager, striding down the hallway. He looked between you and Rafe, his eyes landing on the dented wall and the bloodied handprint smeared across it.
“Seriously, what the hell happened?” He barked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why is there a guy running out of here with blood on his face?"
Rafe stiffened beside you.
He didn’t like Greg — never had. In his mind, he was lazy, incompetent, and more interested in playing golf with the country club regulars than actually managing anything. You opened your mouth to try to explain, but he beat you to it.
“Why don’t you fix your goddamn locks, Greg?” Rafe snapped, stepping forward, “If you weren’t so busy kissing everyone’s ass, maybe you’d realize that your employees aren’t fucking safe here.”
Greg blinked, “What are you talking about?”
Rafe pointed to the locker room door, where the knob was still hanging loosely, as if the creep had almost succeeded in breaking it off.
“Your fucking locker room door doesn’t lock. That asshole was trying to force his way in while she was changing. What the hell are you running here, man?”
Greg glanced at the door, then back at you, his face paling slightly but instead of apologizing, or even showing the slightest bit of concern, he threw his hands up in a defensive gesture. “Look, I didn’t know—”
“Yeah, because you don’t pay attention to shit!” Rafe shot back, his voice rising. “You think you can just let her and the other girls fend for themselves? Is this the kind of place you’re running?”
“Rafe,” you murmured, your hand on his arm again, trying to calm him down. “It’s fine.”
But Rafe was far from calm. His hands were shaking, and his eyes locked onto Greg. “No, it’s not fucking okay. This shit keeps happening, and it’s gonna get someone hurt.”
Greg took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender. “Look, I’ll… I’ll talk to the maintenance guys, alright? We’ll fix the lock.”
“Not good enough,” Rafe snapped, “You better fix it tonight. Because if this happens again, I’m not gonna be so nice next time.”
Greg swallowed hard, clearly shaken. “Y-Yeah. Fine. We’ll take care of it.”
Rafe scoffed, shaking his head in disgust. “You better.” 
He turned his back on Greg without another word, grabbing your hand again as he led you toward the exit. His grip was tight, and once you were outside, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. 
“Rafe,” you said softly, pulling him to a stop as you stood by the side of his truck. “It’s over. I’m okay.”
He exhaled sharply as he looked down at you. “I can’t stand that guy,” he muttered. “He doesn’t give a shit about you or anyone else working here.”
He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in tight, his chin resting on the top of your head. For a moment, he just held you like that, the tension slowly ebbing away. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit,” he murmured against your hair.
“I know. Let’s just go home.”
Rafe looked down at you, his brow furrowing slightly, “I’m gonna get you a gun.”
"A gun?"
"Yeah," Rafe said seriously, his grip tightening on your waist. “You need to be able to protect yourself if I'm not around."
"Baby, that's... kind of extreme," you tried to make him understand, "I don’t need a gun." You placed your hand on his chest, your thumb rubbing slow circles "I know you're worried. I know you don’t want me dealing with stuff like this, but a gun isn’t the answer."
He sighed, “I just want you to be safe.”
“I know,” you nodded. “And I will be. I promise.”
He held you close for a few more seconds, his forehead resting against yours. Then, with a reluctant sigh, he nodded. “Okay. No gun. For now.”
You smiled faintly, relieved. “Thank you.”
“But if it appens again, I’ll shoot him myself.”
“Okay, James Bond, get in the car.”
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darlingdaisyfarm · 1 month ago
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Howdy! Jdjdjfh I hope you're still taking Gravity Falls Stan/Ford requests--
What if the reader and Ford/Stan (separate) were married, but the reader suffered a traumatic head injury in a car accident? This injury causes them to be unable to retain memories for more than a day. Every morning, they wake up next to this mysterious, handsome man who has to explain to them that they are married—and have been for years. The reader can't help but feel guilty about this situation. :( We need some lovey-dovey comfort
Sorry if this is long or complicated kfhfkfh thank you for your time!!
Have a good day/night :)) 💗 love your writing so much
you’ll always remember | Stanley Pines x reader
tags: sfw, memory loss, established relationship
a/n: hi, lovely anon! thank you for sending this in and for your sweet words!💗 this little piece focuses on Stan for now. but don’t worry, i’ve got something equally heartfelt coming for Ford too, ill post it a lil bit later
thank you for trusting me with your emotions and have a beautiful day/night, darling!
Ford version
you open your eyes and the next thing you feel is headache, your head feels. . . way too heavy, but sadly, not from oversleeping or the nice kind from sleeping in. it’s different type of pain. 
you rub your eyes, feeling lost and blink around the room, with fear realising you don’t understand where you are. your messy thoughts are interrupted by the bed creaking when you sit up and your heart does this awful little jump when you see him.
this man.  
this. . . mysterious man with a broad chest, an old tank top clinging to it. there’s golden chain around his neck, glinting against the soft peppered hairs of his chest. 
and you. . . you don’t know him.  
your stomach twists immediately. the room doesn’t look familiar, either, nothing does. these stacks of magazines, mugs, a nightstand that’s barely holding itself together. you hear a faint sound of birds outside, but even that won’t calm your mind 
“mornin’, sweetheart, sleep okay?”  
your heart lurches, panic curling up your throat. you try to get up from bed, but everything feels too heavy and weird, your body barely listens to you, your limbs hurt
you freeze, looking a bit scared, but more than all confused. “who— who are you?” 
Stanley sighs, nodding at your words, agreeing with you. it’s not the first time he’s heard it. you can tell from the way his face falls, his smile disappearing, but then he covers it up with a gentle grin
“right. uh, this part,” he mutters, scratching the back of his neck. “okay, so. you don’t remember me. look, baby, my name’s Stan. Stanley Pines. i’m your husband.”
your what?
“yeah, i know. sounds like a bad joke, but it’s true. you’ve got, uh. . .” he avoids your wide-eyed stare. “you’ve got a thing. memory stuff. from the accident. doc says you won’t remember much past a day. it’s been like this for a while now, heh.”
his tone doesn’t sound all that happy, because for Stanley it’s just as hard as it is for you. he explains it like it physically pains him to spell all this shocking nonsense out for you.
“i know this ain’t fair to you. shit, it ain’t fair to either of us. but i’m here. i’ll always be here, ‘kay? even if you wake up every day thinkin’ i’m some creep who wandered in off the street.” 
you just look at him, unable to understand what he’s talking about after the word “husband”. husband. . . gosh, feels like your brain just started to hurt more. your mind scrambles, clawing at the edges of something it can’t reach, no matter how hard you try.
“don’t— don’t look so freaked out, kid,” Stan says quickly, seeing your panic. “here, look—”  
he reaches for something on the nightstand, hoping each time that it will work. Its an old picture frame, a little bit worn, but when he holds it out with a hopeful look, you see yourself in it. laughing. leaning into him. his arm’s slung around your shoulder as he grins, his fez perched crookedly on his head. 
“that’s us,” Stan says softly, watching your reaction. “took that on our anniversary, up at lookout point. you love that spot, always goin’ on about the view. even dragged me up there at sunrise once.” he chuckles, but his eyes are watching you carefully, he’s waiting you to give some reaction, please just. . . please. he waits to see that beautiful smile of yours he always loved so much and you want to smile. you want to remember. 
but there’s nothing.  
corners of your mouth lowers and your chest tightens, guilt bubbling up inside. “i. . .” wait, what was his name again? damn. “don’t remember that. i don’t remember you.”
Stan’s smile wobbles for half a second before he catches it. “yeah, i figured. but that’s okay. s’not your fault, sugar.”  
you hate that. you hate how kind he is about it, how patient, but at the same time how broken his voice sounds.
Stanley sighs, rubbing at his face, trying to scrub away years of exhaustion. then he looks at you again.
with hope in his eyes.
“here, how about this?” he says suddenly, brightening. he pulls open the nightstand drawer and takes out another photo, this one of you, him and some. . . kids? it’s twins, a boy and girl in some funny looking sweater, both with brown hair, all of you standing by the lake. you’re holding up a huge fish, grinning from ear to ear, and Stan’s standing behind you with his hands on your shoulders looking so damn proud of his lovely little human.
“this was last summer,” Stan tells you, tapping the glass with his thumb. “we went fishin’. you caught that sucker all by yourself. wouldn’t stop braggin’ for weeks.”
a faint smile appears on your lips. 
“still got the tackle box you picked out, too,” Stan adds with a laugh. “you said the one i had was too ‘junkyard chic.’ you’ve got a sharp tongue on ya, y’know that?”  
your fingers tremble as you reach to take photo from his hands. you look at it, look at that person who looks like you, with a smile’s brighter than the sun and these eyes. . . sparkling, as if you’ve just heard the funniest joke in the world.
“i’m sorry,” you whisper, staring down at your hands. tears spilling down your cheeks. “i- i don’t know how you do this. every day. i can’t- i can’t even remember, Stan.”
the first time you said his name. 
“hey, hey.” his hand comes up, hovering over your shoulder, rubbing it slightly to calm you. he’s not sure if it’s okay to touch you yet, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you look up and he’s already leaning closer. “don’t you dare apologize for this, sweetheart. you didn’t ask for it. none of this is your fault, y’hear me?”  
you nod weakly, but he isn’t done.  
“you’re still you. still the same stubborn, beautiful, funny, smart, pain-in-the-ass i fell for, okay? you’re stuck with me, like it or not. you take all the time you need, honeybun. i’m not goin’ anywhere.”
you nod, still doubting, lowering your eyes to that photo again. 
“now, how about we get some breakfast? you always say my stancakes are the best damn thing in oregon.” Stan smiles at you because you’re his whole world. and even though the pieces don’t always fit in your mind, Stanley still loves you with this kind of affection that’s lived a thousand lifetimes and he knows, somewhere deep in your mind, you love him too. he just gotta try a bit harder.
when you meet his eyes, for the first time, you feel something painfully familiar deep inside of you. as if he’s the one you’d always reach for in a sea of faces. and you laugh softly
“i say that, huh?” 
“every time,” noticing that little change in your voice, Stan grins and winks at you. “c’mon, let me prove it to ya, baby.”
even though your head’s a mess and your heart feels like it’s been put through a blender, you want to believe him. you take his hand, noticing a ring around his finger and only now you realise you are wearing one too
….
“but what if i never remember?” you ask as you trace the edges of his beautiful face with trembling fingers, trying to commit it to memory.
he just smiles and wraps his big hands around your waist.
“then i’ll just remind ya every day. as long as it takes.”
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lostaurorax · 11 months ago
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girlfriend-boyfriend
pairing | nick bosa x fem!reader
authors note | hi guys 😊😊 i am alive & well. life has been very crazy lately but i feel like i always return at this time of the year write a few fics then disappear sooo here i am again! i love nick and their is no fanfic for him on here :( yet again here i am writing fanfic for an underrated nfl player 😉 i hope you enjoy this i love you sm and hope you’re all well!!!! lmk if you want more or have any reqs for me pls <33333
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you and nick had been seeing eachother for a few months now. you had meet through mutual friends and you instantly clicked. once the NFL season started he had you in a suite at every single game. you absolutely loved making friends with all of the players partners and watching nick play every sunday.
it was the last game before the super bowl that would determine if the 49ers made it or not. you and all of the girls had been on the edge of your seats the whole game. the 49ers were currently 17-24 against the detroit lions.
the lions had fumbled the ball and the 49ers got it back. purdy threw to kittle and got a touchdown then made the field goal making the score 27-24.
“oh my gosh!!! yes yes we still got it!” you screamed as you hugged claire who was george’s wife
“omg y/n i think we’re gonna make it!!!” she screamed back and you hugged eachother
“oh i know we are.” you said back to her intently watching the game
the 49ers had gotten another touchdown and then the lions got one 2 minutes later. the score was still 34-31 and the 99ers were in the lead. a few minutes of waiting for the clock to run out was the most nerve racking few minutes of your life.
“and the san francisco 49ers are going to the super bowl!!” the announcers had said causing mayhem to erupt in the stadium
“THEY DID IT!!!!!!!” you screamed to kristin and claire as you all hugged each other.
“HELL YEAH BABY WERE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWl!!!” kristin said excitedly
“let’s go see our men!!!” claire said as you all left the suite giddily to join your boys on the field
you felt like your heart was beating out of your chest as you walked on the field looking around for nick. you weren’t exactly an official couple but everyone knew you were together because you were always with him and he was always with you, but you never said that you were boyfriend-girlfriend.
“do you think he’s gonna ask you?” claire whispered in your ear as you were walking towards the boys. secretly she had known nicks plane as george had already told her but she would never ruin a surprise and a little teasing never hurts.
“what? uhh i don’t know….do you think he will?” you replied nervously as you looked at her
“if he doesn’t ill have george kill him.” she said with a wink as you walked up to george, nick, and kyle
“oh my gosh i’m so proud of you!!!” you said with a big smile as soon as you saw nick in front of you
“couldn’t of done it without you watching of course.” he said with a smile just as big as he engulfed you in a hug
“i knew you could do it.” you whispered to him as you hugged him back. you were meet with silence for a moment as he just held you and rubbed his hand up and down your back
you had no idea that behind you george and claire had been scolding him to ask you
“so y/n..” he said as he slowly pulled away so he could look at you as he talked
“yes nicky?” you said using the nickname he hated but you loved calling him
“wanna come to vegas with me…as my girlfriend?” he said with a shy smile
“oh nick yes, i would love too!” you said happily as your lips meet with his.
“yeah buddy!!!!” george said from behind
“God finally. i thought i was gonna have to ask her for you…” christian said as olivia lightly pushed his arm
“YAY Y/N!!! you’re officially one of us now!!!!” kristin said as she and the girls also smiled
“alright alright! let’s go party and win this thing!!!” nick said causing everyone to cheer and disperse to party for the rest of the night
once everyone was gone you turned back to nick.
“is it too early to say i love you? honestly i don’t care because i do.” you said as you rested your chin on his chest
“i love you more y/n. forever.” he said as he leaned down to kiss you
“lets go party girlfriend…” nick said cheekily as he pulled away and stuck his arm out for you to grab
“sure thing boyfriend..” you said back with a big smile as you wrapped your arm around his and walked him to the locker room
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tonysbed · 7 months ago
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Prom Paddock queen | MV1
Max Verstappen x fem!reader
!Triggering Content! ED!
Summary: Max tries to be there for you while your whole world evolves around calories
A/n: Went with the most “popular” ED because the request didn’t specify. If it’s wrong just send me another request through with more details, I love you all!!❤️
(listened to Prom Queen by Beach bunny while writing)
mental health masterlist | main masterlist
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You had been this way before you got with Max. That’s why it took him a little while to realise what was happening right in front of him. The first time he realised was when he had found the pancakes he made for you in the bin.
It would’ve been fine if it hadn’t been the 3rd time. He sighed and went up the stairs, not entirely sure how to proceed.
He knocked on the bedroom door “Schatje?” You hum and he opened the door, seeing you on the bed with a book. He closed the door behind him.
“How have you been?” He stays near the door. You set down your book “Good. How was the meeting?”
“Good.Always the same you know” You nod, smiling and looking down to your book.
“How did the pancakes taste?” You smile “Great. Thank you” You say and focus back on your book.
“Stop lying, please” You tilt your head at him “What? You think I wouldn’t tell you if they were shit?” You scoff and close your book.
“Baby, I saw them in the bin. All of them“ You opened your mouth to protest but couldn’t. He sighed and sat down on the bed.
His blue eyes bore into yours. Your nails picking at your skin. Max pulled your hands into his. Not a once of anger on his face.
“Talk to me. What’s wrong? What do you need me to do?Ill do anything” You shake your head “I can’t ask that of you. This is my problem” He closed his eyes for a moment.
“It’s not. We’re a team. Your problems are mine.” His voice was stern yet somehow gentle. You fidget with your fingers.
“Schatje, please” You shake your head “This is my business.” You say and storm off into the bathroom.
His steps are fast behind you but don’t reach you before your able to lock the bathroom. You hear him stopping in front of the door.
You slide down the door, clutching at your stomach. A tear escaped your eyes “Open the door. Please, baby” You hear how his hand touches the door. You don’t answer him.
“Don’t make me open this damn door. I’ve done it before, you know that. I know how to. Please, Schatje” You sob “Please go away” He squeezes his eyes shut, and his forehead met the wood.
He peeled himself from the door but doesn’t walk away before saying “Don’t do anything stupid, please”
An half hour later you open the door, expecting Max to sit there but he wasn’t. You found him on the couch, mindlessly changing the channels, nothing catching his interest.
You climbed onto the couch and laid your head in his lap. His finger immediately tangled into your hair “I’m sorry”
“I know it’s hard but you gotta let me help you. I know you hate accepting help but I’m not asking you right now. I am gonna help you no matter what you say.”
You nod, tears rising in your eyes “Come up here, schatje” He opened his arms and you sit on his lap. His arms engulfed you into a firm hug full of love and safety.
It will be hard but you will have him through it all.
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A/n: Don’t like it. But yeah..🧍🏼‍♀️
not proofread
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inmyheaddd · 5 months ago
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ravi singh boyfriend headcannons
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a/n: omg this has been sitting in my drafts for agesss sorry 😭 need to write for ravi more he’s so bf wc: 1k taglist: @heartwithsimplenotes @anintellectualintellectual @thecircularlibrary masterlist
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your parents literally like him more than you now, and boy does he know it. 
you’d come back home to find him in your room sitting on your bed.
“oh, you’re back! was waiting for you for hours— i started to think something terribly awful happened to you.” he got up from the bed in an instant, wrapping his arm around your side and giving you a quick peck on your head.
“hi ravi, um who-“ you furrowed your brows as you looked back to your door then back at him. “who let you in?” 
“oh, your brother did.” he stated matter of factly as you both went to sit down on the bed. “then your parents asked me to stay for lunch, then your dog started playing with me, then i started to miss you so i came up to your room. it smells just like you in here.” 
one thing caught your attention. “then you started to miss me? wow, i see how it is…” you shook your head dramatically and frowned in faux disdain. 
he shot you a smile, “what can i say? the whole family likes me, it’s not my fault.” 
“well i don’t like you.” you crossed your arms over your chest. sarcastic bits like this with ravi happened constantly. 
“oh, you especially like me.” his lips turned up into a slow grin and he poked your shoulder, breaking your annoyed facade and making you laugh. 
ravi makes new nicknames for you all the time.
you were talking a walk, telling him about your day when you paused abruptly and turned away from him, ravi looking at you confusedly and raising a brow.
then you sneezed, and then you sneezed again.
“woah, bless you.” he said through a chuckle, “and bless you again.”
after you tried to resume talking only to be interrupted by a sneeze for the third time, he spoke up.
“sweetheart, you’re going to be holy by the end of the day with how many blesses you’re getting.” he bent down slightly to get a better look at your face. “are you alright?”
you sniffled slightly, “yeah i’m—“ sneeze “i’m fine.” you said as your cleared your throat.
“okay sneezy,” he said as he slung an arm around your shoulder, not caring about getting sick himself, “how about we get you home, you take some medicine while i make you some soup, and you tell me what a spectacular cook i am?” 
“but you’re a horrible cook.” you muttered with a light laugh.
“i’m sorry, what was that?” he bent down slightly with a large grin on his face, “you’re so excited and can’t wait? oh, you’re too sweet to me, sneezy. what did i ever do to deserve you?” he quipped back as kissed the top of your head, before steering you two back to walk back to your house.
he kept calling you ‘sneezy’ the rest of the night and for days after that.
“would you stop calling me that?” you asked.
he took a second before answering, putting a finger on his chin and looking up, before shrugging and simply saying, “no.”
a week later he was the sick one, (he hates being sick. “this is what i get for spending time with my beautiful, amazing, but incredibly ill girlfriend?”) and he would still call you sneezy. 
as much as you wouldn’t like to admit it, you were missing the other cuter nicknames he would call you like crazy. but to be fair sneezy did grow on you. 
his sneezes could make a deaf man hear again. 
you were both sitting in silence, focus only on the horror movie playing on the tv and his sneeze literally made you scream and jump off the couch in fear. you thought you were about to meet your end.
“oh my- ravi!” you said breathlessly as you put a hand over your heart, catching your breath.
he was an absolute laughing wreck at your reaction, and all he had to say was, “what, no bless me?” 
speaking of scaring you, his favorite ways to greet you unexpectedly is hugs from behind, telling you how much he missed you and kissing your head. 
that, or placing his hands on either your shoulders or waist, jolting you and yelling at the same time.
you always know it’s him but you get nightmarishly scared every single time. there’s no in between. 
you two have a playlist together and when you’re away, he’d randomly send you a screenshot of a song on it with something along the lines of, “this song reminds me of you.”
when he has to go on a long car ride alone he sends you updates by the hour. literally.
your texts:
ravishingly handsome — Hour one, all is good. Some bastard cut me off and another nearly rear ended me, but still, all is good 👍 
you — oh my god ravi 
you — are you okay?!?!
you — pls call me when u can 
ravishingly handsome — I’m actually perfectly fine
ravishingly handsome — Felt a strong urge to curse them out and hit something, then I thought about your face and oddly enough I felt perfectly peachy, if not a little happy 😃🙂
you — no you did not 😭 possibly giggling and kicking my feet rn
you — ur emojis make me laugh out loud 
ravishingly handsome — I think I’M the one making you laugh out loud, not my emoji choices
ravishingly handsome — Also, call me any time. Always free for you.
he texts like an old man honestly, but you love it. 
he’s the type to not be on social media too much, so when you say a reference/ joke he just thinks you’re insanely funny. 
you don’t have the heart to tell him it’s not your joke.
you start to influence him though, and he has little pieces of your slang/ way of talking in his everyday talking.
obvious but, he is a proud member of the sassy man apocalypse. 
all of your parents are now best friends because you and ravi spend so much time together and are always at eachothers houses.
it’s gotten to the point when sometimes your mom texts ravi’s mom to ask you to clean your room when you get back, because you aren’t answering your phone. 
sleepovers that last days are very common occurrences. 
you’re always wearing his sweaters, and he secretly loves seeing them on you so much. 
forehead kisses are 24/7, along with interlinked hands and his thumb running circles on your knuckles.
he doesn’t believe in all that toxic masculinity BS, but when you hold his bicep when walking, his heart flutters a little.
he’s always mentioning you, and your friends harmlessly poke fun at him for the way he can’t stop smiling whenever your name is mentioned, or how he can’t stop talking about you.
you both adore the small quiet moments, like him putting a necklace he bought you on you, or running your fingers through his hair after he’s had a stressful day. 
sometimes he cuts himself off when talking to you, or forgets what he’s saying simply because he thinks you’re so gorgeous.
you act annoyed and tell him to “stop that,” but the flush on your face and the way you bite back a smile says otherwise.
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cryptic--writing · 2 months ago
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Hiya 👋🏻
It’s not really a kinktober request, but maybe you’ll consider doing it? No pressure though))
Ajaf era James, where he was drinking a lot. He understands that that affects him and turns him into a monster. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt reader, but he can’t break up with her for her safety, he loves her too much. So he comes up with stupid plan of making her break up with him because of his behavior? So he starts to undermine her efforts, e.g. the meals she cooks “could have been better”; makes fun of her simple 9-5 job , saying that’s she lucky she can have a relaxed job cause he’s earning most of the money and covering the bills. Although she’s hurt, she is staying as she loves him and thinks it’s the alcohol talking. James, realizing his plan doesn’t work, makes the final move: after they have sex one evening, he tells her that groupies do a much better job. That’s too much for her to take so she leaves him.
Unfortunately, after break up he feels even worse. Lars is worried so he interrogates him, and drunken James confesses. So Lars finds reader and locks her in the studio with James for them to reconcile (can we have smut here)?
Few weeks later when they start recording black album, James plays her a song (which will become nothing else matters), saying that it’s his way of telling everyone how much she means to him?
I’m sorry I can’t write short asks 🥲🥲🥹🥹
You are a great writer so I really hope this will become a story 🙏🏻
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hihi!
and omg its here. took me 9 days to write it lmao but yeah
i cant explain how much I loved this idea pls marry me annon
also ~~~ means POV change (yes there is James and reader pov)
this fic has legit everything so I hope y'all enjoy it bc I busted my ass on it
some parts may be confusing idk
anyways
word count: 10623
warnings: mentions of achohol/drugs, death is mentioned, toxic relationship, break up, angst, smut, fluff, I'm prob forgetting smth
OR SO I THOUGHT (1989)
It had been a rough couple months with James. I felt determined to help him with his only worsening alcoholism, though he only continued to shut me out. I could feel the guilt when he was around, but it didn't make him stop. I tried, I really did, encouraging him to talk to me, to help me help him. 
It was the same sad scene every night. James would come home, probably around midnight, and I couldn't sleep without him next to me, so I was up, all those hours, wondering as I tossed and turned as to where he might be. All I knew is I was in for a scary time when he got back, but I eventually grew tough skin to deal with this.  Understood that this wasn't safe for me, or him, and I stressed that so, so much to him, but James never understood. Well, he never told me he did. Maybe there was more going on in his heart I never knew about. But, of course, I could never discover as he would always close himself off so much.
It was another day where the cycle would repeat. I woke up at three am to the sound of James stumbling in, mumbling something under his breath before he plopped down on the bed beside me, and I knew well enough to hold my tongue, to not provoke him. I pretended I was asleep, which he believed, trying, or at least I think he was trying, to snuggly up next to me, but he had his back to me. His arms weren't around me. Maybe that's all I yearn for now, to be loved and held.
Once I could finally go back to sleep, I was awoken not much later by the sound of my blaring alarm. It was seven am, time to get ready for work. James is a heavy sleeper, he never woke up from my alarms, though I always rushed to turn them off, just in case they would wake him. Slipping out of bed with a groan, I observed his sprawled out body, his shoes still on. I'm glad he made it to the bed this night, as others he would end up on the couch, or in his car, or somewhere I had no idea of.
I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, like a mother caring for her ill son on a school day. I slipped off his shoes, trying to get him more comfortable. I scurried towards the closet to grab my work clothes for the day before getting changed in the bathroom and rummaging through our medicine cabinet, finding some pain killers and then getting him a cold glass of water, leaving the items on our bedside table. I paused to watch over him as he slept, his slow, steady breaths that rose and fell from his chest. I loved him too much to change this lifestyle. I loved every part of him, and if this was part of him, then so be it. I'll help him get better. He loves every part of me, no matter what, right?
Or so I thought.
I slipped on my heels, walking into our messy kitchen, the sink filled with unwashed dishes James was supposed to do. But, he isn't well, so I must do them for him. After washing the dishes, I brewed coffee, poured myself a cup and left some for him and began to make breakfast. James had been off lately, different to how he already was off, but that slowly became part of our normal, so one new change did not stick out too much, but this one did. I don't know what it is. He just felt… lifeless, cold, I guess. I decided to make one of his favorite breakfast meals, a nice, warm and fluffy stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon, cooked just the way he liked it. I spent extra time trying to make it the best I had. I knew they would probably be cold by the time he woke up, but hopefully he'd appreciate my effort. I ate some eggs before scrambling for a notepad, getting a pen to write him a sweet good morning note, explaining I was at work, when I'd be home, how much I loved him, and where the other meds were if he needed them. I wrote these notes almost daily, but this one I made longer and more love filled. I figured he would want my love.
Or so I thought.
I came home around six pm, the evening traffic being worse than usual. Instead of seeing James' car out of the driveway and the house dark, he was still home. The soft sound of the TV buzzing was easy to hear as I unlocked the door, walking in to see him on the couch, leaning against the couch arm and holding his head up with his hand. He was too engrossed in whatever he was watching to nice me walk in, so I tried to have him notice my presence.
“Im back, Jamie,” I said softly to not startle him, my voice filled with love as I moved to sit next to him, he looked over at me, like a confused puppy. “How are you feeling?” I asked, gently stroking his back, though he moved from my touch.
“Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Busy right now, yeah?” He mumbled as a response as he resumed watching TV once more, brushing me off with his simple, cold words. I knew I had to respect his space and not probe at him, so I just nodded with a sigh and got up, slipping off my shoes and setting my bags down,
“Are you hungry?” I asked, digging through the fridge to get things to make dinner. He didn't answer. “James, are you hungry? I can make dinner,” I offered again, noticing the cleared plate that I had made him for breakfast, the note missing. I assumed he threw it away, just like the others. I never saw them in the trash cans, but after everything piles up, you can just assume. I heard James sigh from the couch, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Breakfast was cold, so I threw most of it away anyways,” He admitted, and I felt a small ache in my heart. I thought he liked the dish since there was none left on his plate, but clearly he proved me different. Why I even put effort in these things, I don't know. THats a lie, I do. I love him, and want him to know it, to feel it. I should’ve been doing this as part of my own insecurities, but to make sure he knows I'm there for him, always.
I thought of what to make for dinner, seeing if he had eaten anything since breakfast, only finding empty beer bottles and a half eaten bag of chips. It was probably only the alcohol making him act like this. I decided to make steak with potatoes, something he normally liked and said I made pretty well. It was easy to make, and I know it was one of his favorites I made him, but normally I would wait for a bigger step in life, like celebrating something about the band, or something in my career, but I knew he deserved it still.
I finished after 45 minutes, preparing the plate to be gorgeous, something I wish I could hear from his lips for once. But, he loved me. I know he thinks I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't have to tell me. Right?
“Jamie, the food's ready, I made steak,” I said warmly with a smile, setting a dinner table for us. I didn't get a response, just a grunt as he stood from the couch and walked his near empty bottle of beer, finishing it off and grabbing another from the fridge. I sat at the table, waiting for him to come and join me. His eyes landed on the plate, pulling out the chair to sit down. I couldn't read his emotions, he didn't look too happy, but he didn't look mad. He just looked.. plain. James grabbed his fork and began to eat, the metal scraping against the porcelain plate, waiting for his nod of approval. It never came. He didn't talk, but not in a way like he was mad. He just didn't speak. But he didn't need to, he didn't need to say the things I knew already. I took a breath and began to eat, and it might've been one of the best I had cooked in awhile. Perfect tenderness, juiciness, seasoning, and cooked perfectly, something you could get at a restaurant, now in our home. 
“What do you think, baby? I think it's pretty good, no?” I inquired, seeking the validation I craved from him. He just shrugged.
“It's fine, I guess. It could've been better.”
It shouldn't have hurt. It really shouldn't. He just didn't like the dinner I cooked. The dinner I poured my time into. The dinner I made was special. Special for him. But, what did I know? I doubt he meant it. That's why it definitely shouldn't have hurt. He was drinking. ITs just the alcohol making him act like this. He would never say something like that to me. Why did tears prick at my eyes. Why did it actually hurt?
“Oh, uhm…. I'm sorry, I'll do better next time, do you want me to make you something else..?” I choked out, fighting back my tears.
“No, don't waste your time making something mediocre, yeah?” James insisted, insulting me bitterly once again.
I took a shaky breath, another sting to my heart. Hes. Drunk. This can't be what he means, right?
Or so I thought.
“Alright, uh, do you wanna cuddle on the couch..? We can watch anything you want? Or not watch anything, just sit together.” I offered again, pleading to get love from my partner.
“I was probably gonna go to bed. You mind cleaning up?” He pushed me away again, and every word stung. I want him to see me, to notice me, just to love me. But I reminded myself again and again, he's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. I'm just being sensitive and pathetic. Maybe it's just my hormones.
I nodded, forcing a smile, “Sure, yeah, go ahead and  go to bed, I'll clean up and join you in a bit, ok?” I informed him and he just nodded and got up, walking to the bedroom, still carrying his battle with him. My eyes stung, and once he was out of sight, I felt tears streak my face, but I continued to fight them away. I quickly got up to clear James’ and my own plate, then  cleaning the kitchen, washing everything with great care to keep it tidy.
I came into the bedroom, James half asleep under the sheets. His hair was astray as he slept near the edge, his limbs tight together. The now empty beer bottle sat on the nightstand, another reminder of James’ habits. I glanced around before getting changed into my sleep clothes, a nice little night dress James had gotten me for Valentines Day earlier that year. It was nice and pink with some fluffy pieces at the bottom and lace dancing across it. It flowed nicely and hugged my body in the right places, going down to a bit above my knees. It had some other pieces, like stockings and a garter. In reality, it was more so lingerie than a bed set. But, it was one of James’ favorites for me to wear. Maybe this would make him open up more, or just show me the love I'm craving. I crawled in beside him, though I doubt he noticed the weight accompanying him, trying to cuddle closer, pressing myself against his back.
“Jamie?” I asked softly, kissing the back of his head.
“Hm.” James answered in a sleepy tone, barely aware of my presence.
“You doing ok? You've been acting differently…” I kept a quiet tone, my hands gently running down his arms and back as I pondered on what may be hurting him so much.
He took a deep and large breath, sighing, “Yeah, I'm fine… why do you ask..?” James mumbled in response.
“Nothing, you just seem off, I guess,” I rushed out. I didn't want to upset him, but he just seemed so soft and sweet, something I hadn't seen from him awhile.
“Oh, well, alright then… love you..” He mumbled out, slowly succumbing to sleep after saying the words I knew were true.
Or so I thought.
The office today was exhausting. Absurdly exhausting. And infuriating. A stuck up and snotty boss whos full of himself ordering me around to do his mundane dirty work, my co workers giving me side glances of judgment for my more rushed than normal appearance, not having as much time this morning as I had to help James with yet another hangover, getting him to the bathroom in time before he painted our bed green in vomit, making him some foods to keep him comfortable and having to buy more pain killers, my 3rd trip this month, all before heading to work. All I wanted was to come home, sleep, relax, and be held by the love of my life. 
As simple as an office job 9-5 may seem, how it is not. No one else wants to do their own work, always needing some kind of assistance, and of course, I none the wiser, agree to help them.
It was another late evening with heavy traffic, not allowing me to come home until seven, again. I had stopped at the market, grabbing food and other supplies we were running low on. And more beer. 
The door to the house was locked, something that had been happening more and more as I came home, only growing worries on James' worsening habits, the idea of drugs coming to mind, but I tried to shake it from my head, just wanting a nice time at home. 
I unlocked the door, the house quiet except for the soft strum of a guitar in James’ mini studio, which was just an extra bedroom we had turned into a spot for him to store his instruments and for his practeing. We hoped one day for it to become a nursery, a room for our future child.
I followed the music, the half open door allowing me to peek at James, hunched over one of his explorers, fiddling with the strings as he danced around the fretboard with his talented fingers. I smiled at the sweet sight, slowly entering the room.
“Whatcha working on?” I asked, announcing my arrival home. James looked up at me, at first a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. His actions only confused me further.
“Uhm, not much, just… a couple riffs and stuff for the new album..” He answered, still picking at the strings with something unreadable in his eyes.
I nodded, smiling at him, “It sounds good, I'm excited to hear it,” I responded before speaking again, “Work was so exhausting today, I don't know how I put up with it anymore,” I said with a laughy sigh, trying to lighten the statement.
James just shrugged. “I mean, I don't really see how a nine to five can really be that tiring,” He disputed, but his tone sounded unsure, shaky like how it did when we first met. But there was a force, an anger of some kind.
I was even more lost with his shift in attitude, “Well, what do you mean? You don't work one, you wouldn't know,” I argued back with more aggression than I meant.
“Yeah, I don't work one. Your job is light and relaxing feather work compared to the shit I do. You are out doing twelve hours a day for months on end at a studio, being out for a year just to tour and shit, you don't make anything working that job, I'm the one paying the bills with my money.” James spat, cold and bitter. His words rung in my ears, repeating each syllable like a painful stab. My brain scrambled for reasons to understand his reaction and response to my complaint of work.
James' piercing blue eyes still starred up and me, my mouth agape in shock. Why would he act like this? He loved me. He just told me he did the other week before we went to bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is wrong in his life that I don't know about, that he wont tell me about.
My eyes scanned the room, searching for anything that might explain this behavior of his. Truly, anything that would help explain such a swift and sudden change in his mood, but deep down ZI knew, I was just looking for bottles, cans, cups, glasses, anything that would contain the fizzy and bitter liquid he loved. The only thing I could find was a half empty bottle, freshly opened next to the chair he sat in. That's it, that's why he's acting like this. He's just drunk. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.
Or so I thought.
Even with my new found reasoning, his words still hurt a great amount, the pain struggling to leave. A simple insult, just telling me how I don't work as hard as him, that my job isn't as crucial as his. I took a breath, trying to control and reign in my emotions before I could meltdown in front of him for such a stupid reason. Drunken words, not filled or backed by any true thoughts. Right?
But they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.
“I- well,” I tried to speak, but I couldn't come up with the words. What would I say? I didn't want to make him any more upset than he seemed to be, but I didn't want to submit to him so easily, especially after such disrespect. But I knew better. I don't lash out, I keep him happy. We will work this out together, we have to.
“I'm just gonna go to bed,” I muttered under my breath, fighting back tears that needed to spill out, James rude comments only adding fuel to the fire that had been burning in me all day. Not a fire of anger, passion or desire, but a fire of hurt. Once I shut the bedroom door behind me silently, I broke. The bottle shattered, and my tears overflowed my face, covering my mouth as I cried, trying to calm myself down as I got ready for bed at such an early hour, even forgetting to make James something for dinner.
It was my day off, a relaxing Saturday I could use to have some me time, as James was gonna be out with the band all day as the brainstormed for the new album, which was still taking its baby steps into production, nowhere near any concept for songs yet. At Least that I knew of. 
James had been really tense this week, and I had tried everything to get him to relax and cheer up. Taking him out to his favorite restaurants after I came home, making him home cooked meals, getting him gifts and all things. Though there was one thing I hadn't tried. Sex.
I spent all day dolling myself up, wanting to be as bare and beautiful as possible for James. I shaved everywhere, leaving not a single trace of hair anywhere except for my head,, of course. I scrubbed every nook and cranny of my body, putting on James’ favorite set we bought together, doing my makeup just the way he liked it, lighting the candles he got for my birthday, and dousing myself in his favorite perfume I owned. All the lights were out, except for the lowlights of the candles in the bedroom. I laid on the mattress, waiting for James to come home, hoping this would finally get him to unwind from his stress.
I heard James’ keys jingle in the door, and I could feel myself getting more and more excited for his arrival. This would be one of the few times I would have him sober, as when they worked on material they rarely drank or did anything crazy, thankfully. His shoes thudded on the wooden floors, a sigh escaping his lips as I heard him slowly walk towards the bedroom.
“Are you home?” He called out to me before approaching the bedroom door, taking in the sight of me and the room I had spent the evening preparing for this moment.
“Hey baby,” I mused with a smirk, looking up at him with loving eyes. His eyes met mine, looking warm for the first time in awhile.
“What's all this for?” He asked,  still taking in the well decorated bedroom and my sexy form.
“Wanted to help you relax… you've been so stressed,” I replied, grabbing his hand to try and bring him closer, to get into the bed with me.
It didn't take much more conniving, and James had given in pretty quickly to my offer. He was being more loud than normal, probably because we hadn't had the chance to be intimate like this in awhile. I loved this so much. Well, I loved being close to James again. He wasn't hitting the right spots or focussing on pleasuring me much, but that's fine, he's the one who needed to relax anyways, and I have enough time on my hands if I wanted to please myself, I guess. It didn't take long for him to come, pulling out and painting himself on my abdomen and my breath labored, coming down from…. Well, not an orgasm, but being close to one. James was beat after that, and I don't blame him for that. He had been so busy recently, I was happy we just got to share a moment like this together again. 
I laid close to him under the sheets as we both recovered, James already half asleep. I had his hand in mine, kissing each knuckle of his and more, pouting all of my love into that moment. I looked up, having felt James’ eyes on me for a while. I met his blues, and there was a slight guilt in them, a gestation and regret. But, it didn't last long as he blinked it all away, taking another breath. 
“How are you feeling now? Did it make it any better?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep as I lazily continued to press kisses to his hand.
“I mean, yeah, I guess… It wasn't like, amazing though… I've had better, normally the groupies can do a bit more than that, y’know?” James said cooly, acting as if the words he just said didn't mean anything and had no weight to them.
“What?” Was all I could muster out, the tears already filling my eyes as I tried to process all of this.
“You heard me, the groupies normally do better.” 
The words came so normally from his mouth, as if he was just telling me the date and time. But no, he was comparing me to prostitutes, previous women he has slept with. I began to cry, not just out of hurt and sadness, but this time anger. How could he say something like that to me?
And then the worst part hit.
He was sober.
Something I would've wanted more than anything else just a few days ago is now what is causing this experience to be even worse than it is with the horrible comparison and insults James had spewn at me. He meant it. Alcohol was toying with his brain, making him into the aggravated man I had grown to know quite well over the years.
“Are… are you serious? After everything? I put myself through hell to deal with this, to go to work, to do EVERYTHING for you! I have tried so hard James. And Yet you still compare me to them?! Sluts with prices on their heads?!” I cried, anger and hurt filling the fire in my eyes, and I could swear I saw Jamw\es’ cold attitude falter for just a moment. Maybe it was what I was hoping for, that it was all an act, that he truly did love me deep down, but maybe he didn't. Maybe this is the truth I had been hiding from all these months.
James didn't res;ond, just sighing with a shrug.
That's what pushed me over the edge.
“Are you fucki ng serious? You're not even gonna try and fight for this? Get out of here! We're done. Since you don't appreciate anything I do for you nowadays, I don't want you in here anymore. Pack your shit and leave.” I cursed at him as I continued to sob, processing the moments that passed, feeling as if the earth was slowing, each second hitting me hard and heavy.
I could see a slight guilt in James’ eyes, and as much I wanted to believe it was true, I couldn't give it in myself to do that anymore. I couldn't keep living this lie. He nodded, staying silent as I cried, slipping on his clothes and grabbing some things he'd need for the night.
“I loved you because you loved me, or so I thought you loved me, truly you don't give a shit!” I called out again, hearing James breath hitch at my harsh words, but he just left. No goodbye, the final words spoken to us only filled with hate and hurt, though millions went unspoken.
— —- — —> A FEW MONTHS LATER…
Not a lot has happened since I broke up with James, but a lot has changed. Maybe for the better. I miss him terribly, but a lot of weight is off of my shoulders now. I'm no longer worrying about having to make elaborate meals for him, or to do everything in my power to make him happy as [possible, watching my words at all times to make sure I wont say anything that might upset him. It was a large change. The house is still cold like how it was with him, but its a different kind of cold. There is no warmth of another body. Its quiet, no more TV static and laughter or guitar. Work had only gotten more tiring, but I had recently gotten promoted, something I had wanted for a long, long time.
I haven't spoken to James since we broke up. I know he had come by the next day, as when he left that night he only took clothes to last him the night, and when I came home from work, all of his belongings were gone, and his spare key was left on the counter, all of his music gear out of the house, leaving me a now empty room, not to house his guitars, and no longer holding the hopes and dreams of a future child.
Or so I thought all of his stuff was gone.
I came home after work, the house dark and silent, turning on the lights before going into the former music room, which had now become my office for the time being, as I needed one for the promotion, to be able to have a comfortable spot where I could do other work tasks from home. I set down my purse, sitting in my computer chair and sliding off my heels. I saw something in the corner of my eye, something that somehow had never caught my eye all these months. 
An ashtray, repurposed to hold James’ many guitar picks. It was behind a lamp that was in the corner of the room on an end table. There was more than just guitar pics, but one of his rings. Like the ones he always wore on stage, the cool reflective metal that shone brightly under the spotlight. I paused, only having gotten one heel off, so confused as to how I never noticed. I sat in this same chair, facing the same direction, taking my heels off the same each day. I quickly got the other off before walking towards the table, picking up the ashtray, having remnants of cigarette butts and ash, some of which covered the pics. There had to be at least 20 of those pics, I don't know how James could forget such a thing, along with one of his more favorite rings. He wore it when we met, but I never made the connection as to that being the reason he left it. I missed him, yes, but having these almost made it worse. Like the world was teasing me that he is gone, that I won't be able to be held by him again, because he doesnt love me anymore. How I still love him, I don't know. Part of me still wants to believe he never meant any of it, but the chances of that being true is slim now. But, I didn't have the heart to call him, to return them to him. He would have come to get them by now, right? 
I picked up the cold metal, holding it in my hand before slipping it on my ring finger. It was too large, slipping off quite easily. I tried the next, my middle finger, and it fit well enough to not fall off. It felt so wrong to wear, but it made me feel closer to him. I hated it, but I loved it. A little piece of him to be with me always. ‘God, I sound like a wife mourning her husband who died in a war.’ Was all I could think to myself, setting back down the ash tray and taking off the ring before sitting back down in my office chair, trying to shake my head of the matter so I could focus on the important task at hand, work.
I spent about two hours on the assignment before finishing it among other things, now exhausted even further. I stumbled towards the bedroom, changing into my pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Since the break up, I have refused to wear or even look at the clothes sJames had bought me. I didn't feel any desire to wear those things now that I knew he would be the one to see me in them. I never really wanted to wear clothes like that, but knowing he liked it made me like it. Now that he's gone, so is that enjoyment. I layed down on the mattress, sinking down as it swallowed me and the day whole. I had gotten used to the loneliness of sleeping alone, even after having a body next to me for the last four years. Maybe it was an easier adjustment as towards the end it was like sleeping next to no one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last few months are hard to describe. I can't explain it, I really can't. I've never been more lonely in my life, drowning all of my sorrows in the bitter bottles that wasted away each night and day. I've tried putting my energy elsewhere, focusing more on the band than I was earlier, trying to pour my emotions into guitar and lyrics, but nothing works. Nothing matches what I once had. What I threw away. What I ruined. Though, all my life, through all my struggles, there was one thing I learned.
Mask your emotions, hide your turmoil. It's something I had quickly gotten good at from a young age.
Or so I thought.
I went out for drinks with Lars to discuss lyrics and other parts of music for the record, as we normally had for our other productions and everything. We had another few weeks before we went into the studio, where we planned to record for many months, wanting this release to be the best we ever had. 
Before I had even gone out to the bar with Lars, I had already had a few bars at home, or what I had tried to make into my home. It was a home, yeah, but it didn't feel homey. There was no warmth or touch to it to make it seem whimsical or joyful. I know I have a problem, but what is there I can do. 
When I got there, Lars’s car was already outside, and I knew I was late by thirty minutes, having to build up the motivation to leave the house for a reason other than food, so trying to get up and socialize and talk about important stuff was not on my top choices to do.
I trudged in, my eyes darting around for the Danish, who was never that hard to find. And as I expected, I found him somewhat quickly, taking a seat next to him and ordering a drink for myself.
“Hey man, where the fock have you been? Been waiting here ages for ya,” Lars commented with his laugh, sipping on his own drink.
I just shrugged, “Sorry man, there was just…” I tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but none could come to mind. “Traffic, y’know, it gets bad around five or six, all those people getting off of work,” I explained, thinking I was an expert at this facade.
“Alright, whatever you say. Let's get to work now, yeah?” Lars tried to believe me, but it was clear he knew there was something more to what I said. 
I just nodded, “Yeah,” I answered, and Lars took out his notepad where he already had some ideas for songs. The mask was as strong as stone, no way to see in.
Or so I thought.
 Lars looked back to me, a thought popping back in his mind, “Traffic? There's normally not much in this area, I mean before you moved out of that place, shit, traffic was bad, but here? No way,” Lars questioned me, no longer believing a word I had said. 
“Well, I guess it was just different today…” I muttered, “Let's just start now, leave it be,”. Lars agreed reluctantly, and soon we were sharing ideas sas I jotted down lyrics, Lars taking turns as we debated on the new project.
Of course, as we worked, we were drinking. Me more than him, and it was getting me tipsy, and then drunk. Normally we wouldn't get drunk during lyric writing, just a bit.. Wobbly, I guess. We were just reviewing the lyrics for the third song we were jotting up and I had ordered another drink.
“Jesus man, you only focused on drinking? We got shit to do!” Lars complained to me, and I just shrugged. “Sorry, got my priorities here…” I joked, and Lars only gave a pity laugh.
“Is something up? You've been acting weird as hell for the last few months. We barely see you anymore, and when we do, you're late.” He informed me firmly, clearly not wanting to put up with my demeanor much longer.
“I'm fine, didn't I already tell you that?” I responded, and at this point I just wanted to go home. “Well, you can tell me it a million fuckin’ times and that doesnyt mean Ill believe you,” He rebuttled, and I sighed. “So, what's up with you?”
I didn't want to answer, well sober me would've deflected. But drunk me? He doesn't have much of a filter. Who does when they're drunk anyways?
“Nothings up with me, just dealing with shit…” I answered, taking another sip of my drink.
“Ok, well dealing with what?” 
“The breakup, and everything,” I answered, my eyes avoiding Lars’s own.
“Ohh, yeah, I see. What happened anyways? You never went into detail, just saying she kicked you out in the middle of the night. The fuck did you do to her?” He laughed, but the sting of the memories still remained.
“I.. well, I told her she was a shit cook, lazy, didnt work as hard me, and that groupies fuck better,” I admitted. Lars' face changed from a small smile to a look of shock.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah”
“What would make you say something like that?! That's totally messed up!” I knew this would be shocking, especially coming from me to say something like that. But I didn't expect him to be this shocked.
“No, I did it for a reason, I'm not just some asshole! I didn't want to break up with her, and I didnt want her to break up with me, but I knew I had to get her to break up with me. I keep drinking, and it makes me into… I don't know, I'm a different person and I don't want to hurt her. The only option was to force her to break up with me.” I tried to explain, but Lars was quick to respond.
“Only option?! Have you heard of rehab? Getting help? Did she just let you waste away?”
“I didn't want to go to rehab either, and no, she did try to help, but I don't want help…” It was getting embarrassing at this point, showing how weak I had become.
“James, not everything is about what you want! There's things you need to do, but you don't want to. Those are just as important.” He paused, hoping my worlds would process through me as he thought of an idea. “How about this, clean up your act a bit and I'll get her back over here and you can go back to paradise, alright?” Lars offered and I perked up a bit.
“How the hell do you expect her to come back to me after all of that?”
“I never said she'd come back to you, I said I can get her over here, make you guys talk or something.” He corrected me, and I just rolled my eyes.
“Well how are you gonna get her to come here? She probably hates me at this point,” 
“I have my ways, we were closer friends than you probably remember,” Lars’ words didn't help. He could never explain his plan, and that's what always ticked me off about him.
“Fine, whatever, work your midget magic or something,” I muttered under my breath.
“What did you just say to me?” 
“Nothing, nothing, just do whatever it is, alright?” 
“Fine.”
— — — — > A WEEK LATER…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time moves slow these days. But not in a bad way, it was nice that life was hitting the breaks a bit instead of the pedal. Though, that joy wouldn't last long.
I sat in my office chair at work, working on some papers my boss had handed me a few minutes ago. He was giving me stack after stack after stack of papers today, all coming with my promotion I got a bit back. More money means more work, and more work means more money, so I guess it isn't all too bad in the long run. I glanced up from my paper, eyeing the now double repurposed ashtray, one being made for the intents of cigarette butts, then guitar pics, and now it held my keys and some other trinkets, including one singular guitar pic of James, one of his favorites. 
I was startled out of my thoughts by hearing the office phone ring, quickly reaching to grab it, assuming it was a customer call.
“Hi, this is Capital Advisors, how can I help you?” I offered in a cheery tone, but the voice I heard response was not what I had expected.
“Hey man, look, it's Lars, something happened to James, you mind heading down to the studio?”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sure, Lars and I were close, but we haven't talked much since James and I’s break up. My words caught in my throat, processing the second half. “Something happened to James? What happened? Is he ok?” Even though he proved himself worthy of a break up, I still couldn't shake my love and worry for him.
“Uhhhh, yeah, no, sure he's fine, but you just needa come to the studio?” Lars rambled, not sure how to keep up his lie.
“Ok, yeah, of course, when do I need to be there?” My mind was racing, Lars wasn't being direct with what happened, so my mind could only think of the worst. He always poland things off to make them not seem as bad as they were. What if James fell and hurt himself? Overdosed on something? Only darker thoughts hit my mind.
“Like, now, this can't wait,” Lars demanded, and I had no choice but to agree.
“Yeah, I will be there as soon as I can, ok? Tell him I’ll be there soon, I don't want him to worry,” I gave in and then Lars thanked me and hung up. 
Now I don't know what to do. My boss wasn't the type of person to just let me leave whenever I want, and I had already promised to Lars I would be there immediately. Though, my worries got the best of me and I quickly began to gather my stuff together. I grabbed my keys and my purse, quickly heading to my boss's office. 
I always hated going in here, it was freezing since the AC was always blasted, and it reeked of musty air freshener. I gently knocked on the door before I heard his baritone voice respond, telling me to come in. I entered, seeing him sitting there, filing papers. 
“Can I help you?” He said in a monotone voice, opening and shutting cabinets.
“Yes, I need to leave, like right now. ITs an emergency, family matter,” I tried to briefly explain, but it didn't take long for him to come up with a new response.
“Emergency? Of what? Is someone dying?” His eyes looked up from his papers, meeting mine as he waited for an answer.
“I… Well, I don't know,” I muttered, and it was true, I really didn't. With Lars’ vagueness, I tru;y didn't have a reason to not assume James was already on his deathbed.
“How can you not know?” He questioned me as if I was stupid, then noticing my pale and shaky look of true worry, “Fine, yes, you can go, but you're leaving three hours early. I want you working those hours back tomorrow. Understood?” He finally made an offer, and I quickly accepted without hesitation.
“Yes, thank you, and I'm sorry,” I responded with a smile and a nod, quickly leaving the office and getting to my car as fast as possible. Lars never specified where exactly the studio was, but I had been there a few times with James to hear them practice and record. I did my best to remember the way there, speeding in some places and having to make a couple U turns to figure out the exact spot. The whole time my head was buzzing, I could not think of one normal reason as to why James would want me there. He clearly didn’t like me much towards the end, even though I still like to think he never meant it and that it was only the alcohol talking, but I was probably wrong. Why did I still care so much after being so wrongfully disrespected? Part of me still loved him. Still wanted to wake up next to him every morning, hear the faint strumming of a guitar whenever I came home from work. Now those days were gone, and never looked like they would return. I still worried for the worst for James, endless horrid possibilities arising in my brain, all trying to piece the puzzle together.
When I finally pulled up, I saw two other cars out in front, not seeing James’ car, assuming Lars gave him a ride and KIrk giving Jason one. No cop cars or ambulances or fire trucks, so he isn't dying, or maybe they already left. Maybe I was too late? 
I quickly got out of the car, almost running to the studio door, knocking until Lars came and opened it for me.
“Hey! There you are, took ya long eno-” Lars was quickly cut off by my own anxieties.
“Where is he? Is he ok? Was I not fast enough?” I quickly voiced out, my eyes darting around the inside and searching for him.
“Yeah, relax. He's fine. He's inside-”
“If he's fine then why did you make me come here from work?! I thought he was dying or something crazy,” I cut him off, questioning his efforts.
“No, none of that, you worry too much. He just wants to talk with you,” Lars answered, and my previous worries and a new suspicion grew in me.
“Just want to talk? Last time I talked with him he was critiquing me! He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me!” I voiced the feelings that had been clawing at me for months, never having anyone to tell them to.
“Or so you think. Look, just talk to him, that's all this is, ok?” Lars grew tired of my attitude and clearly I would have to give in soon.
“I want to, I want to talk to him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me,” I responded, trying to further explain my hesitations.
“I just told you that he wants to talk to you! Go in there, please!” Lars pleaded with me, and I sighed, finally agreeing.
“Ok, ok, I will,” I answered, beginning to head into the studio.
“Thank you! He's just down the hall, in that room with the sound equipment and everything,” Lars informed me, and I followed him, seeing James hunched over a table, scribbling down on a piece of paper. My heart was racing now. I hadn't seen him since that night. I didn't know what I would say to him, I was worried what he would say to me.
Then he looked up at me.
His cold, piercing blue eyes, a newfound softness in them as our eyes met. I avoided his eyes, but felt his lingering on me. Lars guided me in, shutting the door behind himself, leaving us alone. I was unsure of what to say, my eyes lingering on the floor, hearing James set down his pen.
“Uh… hi…” He started, probably just as unsure as I was.
“Hi,” I responded back shyly, avoiding his gaze, though I could still feel his own on me. The sound of footsteps approached me, instantly recognizing them as James’, and then I heard a click. Lars had locked us in here, now forced to talk.
“I.. I'm sorry, I really am,” He mumbled, and I looked up at him, seeing a true guilt in his eyes, “I wish I didn't do it, that I didn't say those things, that I didn't make you hurt so much like that… I should’ve been much more, well, mature about it. I feel like shit for everything,” James explained to me, but this only caused me to have more and more questions.  
“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice still a hushed whisper as a wave of various emotions crashed down on me. “I had reasons for what I did, I just wish I went about it differently. I wish I had listened to you when you had offered me help. I didn't want to hurt you with my habits, and I couldn't break up with you, I didn't want to be the one to do that, so… so I tried to make you break up with me, and you did. Everything I said, it was a lie. I never meant it. You're a great cook, you work hard, you're just… you're amazing, you're too good for me.” James confessed, and I could feel a bit of the cold melt away, though still a hurt in my heart.
“Then why make me come and tell me all of this? This would only pour salt in that wound, no?” I was still confused at why he would make such an effort, but I still found it touching.
“Because I still love you. I want things back the way they were. I swear on everything, I've changed. I miss you more than anything-” I cut him off with a sweet kiss to his lips, and he melted into me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting and loving embrace.
After James pulled away, he looked me in my eyes, “How could you forgive me for saying all of that to you?” He began, “Id think you would just… hate me, I was a total jerk,”
“Or so you'd think. I still love you and miss you more than you could imagine,” I responded with a  small smile, and James matched mine, kissing me again. “Can… can I show you how much I've missed you?” James asked in a mumbled tone, clearly a bit embarrassed. My cheeks heated up at his offer and I giggled, nodding as our lips met a third time, a new hunger and desire now displayed. Slowly, he walked me to the table until I had backed up into it, his hands trailing up my sides until we broke away, his lips now going down my neck, eliciting a needy whine from the back of my throat, my hands pulling him closer, snaking under his shirt to trace his skin. 
James’s fingers slipped under my shirt, working to get it off of my head, leaving my neck for only a second to remove the fabric before attaching himself to my sensitive flesh, feeling him suck and nibble, definitely leaving bruises. He gave a more harsh bite, causing me to whimper, then soothing it over with his tongue before pulling away. Soon his gaze focused on my breasts, still confined with my bra. His eyes met mine again, “Can I take it off?” He asked ,already reaching around my back to work on the clasp, which had become an easy task for him. I nodded, and soon the garment was now on the floor with my shirt. The cold air caused my nipples to erect immediately, and James’ eyes were locked on them, cupping the in his hands as he squeezed them and pinched at my nipples, making me make high needy sounds, causing him to smirk, kissing around the soft flesh, teasing me with every movement he made. 
I began to claw at his shirt, trying to take it off of him, so he reluctantly pulled away from my chest, removing his own shirt, giving me a view I had missed more than I care to admit. My eyes dragged slowly over the newly exposed skin, and his lips crashed down on mine again, pushing me back so far I was now laying down on the table, the cold wood causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I tugged at James’ pants, feeling myself grow wetter at the moment. He slipped down his pants, leaving him in only his boxers as you pulled down my skirt, leaving me in only my panties. I could see the bulge in his final layer grow at the new sight, and then he got on his knees, gripping the sides of my aunties and taking them off in a swift motion, leaving my glistening folds exposed to his hungry view.. His warm lips teased my thighs, kissing around the area I needed him most, making me writhe with desire. Eventually, his tongue found my center, giving it soft licks at first, parting my folds with his tongue. A moan escaped my throat, and James took it as his sign to keep going, burying his face between my thighs. He licked and sucked at my hole, probing at it with his tongue as his nose nudged my sensitive clit. My hand snaked into his long blonde locks, gripping his scalp tightly as I pulled him closer. I could hear him groan into my flesh, causing a vibration to coarse through me, making me moan again as I came closer to my first high. Eventually James moved further up, giving more attention to my aching clit, giving it gentle licks first to tease me before sucking it into his mouth, biting it softly, making me squeal from his ministrations.
“Jamei, fuck, Im gonna cum,” I whined out, tugging on hair harder, causing him to let out another low groan as he continued to feast on me. “Cum for me pretty girl,” He mumbled into my flesh, and like that my orgasm washed over me, a breathy moan falling my lips, feeling my core pulsate , releasing my grip on James’ head, allowing him to pull back.
James chin was drenched in my essence and his spit, some caught in his facial hair, wiping it off on the back of his hand. I dont think Ive seen anything hotter. His eyes landed on mine, and I noticed a lustful darkness in them, kissing me again as our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, James winning in the end, and soon his boxers were on the ground, both of us bare in front of each other again.
JAmes broke the kiss, trailing his lips down my neck, leaving new hickeys and bruises in his wake as they now peppered my neck. I felt his tip at my entrance and I squirmed, his lips leaving my bruised flesh. “You ready, baby?” He asked, taking my hand in his, and I nodded, feeling him slowly push into me, the stretching sensation stinging my insides, a delicious stretch my body had missed as I tried to accommodate his size. Once he was to the hilt, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, squeezing his hand tightly.
I gave him a look of a need, and he gook note, slowly beginning to pump his hips, untwining our fingers as he positioned himself with better support, placing his arms on either side of my head. With every thrust a moan escaped my throat, tears pricking at my eyes from the pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight… haven't had anything since me, hmmm?” James whispered to me, and I could only whine in response, his calloused fingers sneaking down to my clit, brushing the bud lightly with the pad of thumb, and I began to squirm around his cock, feeling his thrusts increase with speed, more grunts falling from James.
The table I laid on creaked beneath from our frevorus movements of need, completely forgetting we were still in the studio. The band was still in that studio. This room wasn't for recording, very little sound blockers. Anyone in this building could hear us. The thought didn't pass my mind once throughout the whole experience, only focused and becoming closer with James once again, not just in body, but in our connection reforming with every minstration from either of us.
James' thrusts grew relentless, only increasing the pleasure for both of us as he chased his own high, helping me with mine, continuing to toy with and stroke my clit, moans and whines leaving me with any movement he made. “So pretty like this, baby, taking me so well,” He groaned, his small grunts and moans filling my ears like sweet music. I began to buck my hips, knowing that my orgasm was approaching, James not far behind, his vocal expression of pleasure growing in number and volume, mixing with my own mewls and moans, that and the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, my nails clawing his back.
My eyes began to roll back, James’ name falling from my lips a thousand times as my legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him deeper to finally bring me to edge. James noticed and thrusted harder, hitting that special spot with every movement, making me have to cover my mouth with my hand, the unholy noises escaping me growing too loud for us to stay secret. James disapproved, “Mmmm, don't do that baby, let me hear you cum around my cock,” He cooed, and that was all the encouragement I needed to come over the edge, a high pitched moan coming from me, feeling my walls clamp down on James’ length, pulsating as waves of pleasure cascaded over me. James helped me ride through it, still rubbing my sensitive nub, his thrusts losing rhythm as he approached his own high.
“Fuck, sweetie, gonna cum inside you…” He grunted, his pace increasing as his movement became erratic with pleasure. “Take it, take it like a good girl, baby,” He moaned, his load shooting deep inside of me and painting my walls white with his seed. His hips sputtered, bucking into me as he collapsed on top of me, our sweaty foreheads clinging together as we both recovered from the intense orgasms, trying to catch our breath. James pressed soft, lazy kisses around my face, reminding me how much he loved me and how he'd never hurt me again if given the chance.
After a moment, we both had come down from our highs, James’ softening member sliding out of me with a pop. He looked down at the mess between my thighs, all evidence of our pleasure with each other. “Youre fuckin’ perfect,” He muttered, his eyes dragging over me.
“Are the groupies still better?” I teased him, remembering our bickering that was one real, or so I thought it was real fighting.
“Oh, hell no, they don't stand a chance to this,” He responded with a smile, and I smiled back.
We cleaned up, slipping back on our clothes so we were somewhat presentable. Only now did the realization that we were never once alone in this studio and the rest of the band was outside had hit me. A wave of embarrassment flowed over me, my cheeks flushing even more than they were before given the previous activities. Both James and I looked quite disheveled, our hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. I tried to shake off whatever nervousness I had in me as James put his arm around me. We went to reach for the door handle, only to find out it was still locked. Now it would be even more awkward. James knocked on the door from the inside, calling out to Lars, or anyone else in the studio.
“Guys? Lars? Can someone unlock the door?” And it wasn't long before footsteps approached, hearing a key click as the door swung open, Lars, more curious than ever eyed both my own and James’ appearance, noticing the hickeys, the slight wobble I gave, and any other imperfections that we might have displayed.
“I take it you two worked things out?”
— — — — > A FEW WEEKS LATER…
It had taken some time, a lot of talking, and more than just one hook up for James and I to work out any other issues that we had with each other. We met up a lot in the recent weeks after that, discussing different ways on how to help James with his drinking, and just trying to regain eachothers trust.
Soon enough though, James had moved back in with me. I kept my office space, but now the room was split in two halves. I worked in one half, while James did his guitar work in the other half. It was a fairly large room, so we both had our own spaces and rarely bothered each other. If I had a work call or anything that required silence, James would just migrate to the living room.
It was the same old schedule we had all those months ago, and I was now returning from work. It was Friday, now I would have plenty of time to relax and be with James. I pulled into the driveway, parking and getting out of my car as I walked up to the porch, the click of my heels following my steps on the cement. The lights were on, the door unlocked. I could hear a faint strumming coming from inside, meaning James was hard at work on new material for the album. It was my favorite thing to listen to while doing work assignments at home.
I walked in with a huff, setting down my purse and keys on the counter before heading to the shared office space. James wasn't playing much, just sounded like scales and chords for his warm ups. “How was work, baby?” James greeted me, still focused on his guitar. “It was a bit tiring, but it was good. I think my boss is starting to like me,” I answered, settling into my chair. He nodded in response, going back to fiddling with the strings.
It wasn't until a little later a soft, sweet and melodic tune had hit my ears. Much different than what Metallica normally plates. James hummed along to it, almost like he had lyrics already written out. But knowing him, he probably did.
“What are you playing? It sounds really nice,” I started, listening to a few more notes before continuing, “It's not what you guys normally play,” I commented, and James let out a deep hum in response. “Just something new I'm working on,” He replied, and I nodded, getting back to work.
Only this time, I couldn't focus. Normally James’s music helped me to focus, becoming a comforting background noise. This time though, I couldn't get my mind off of that melody. He kept going, and each second I kept getting more and more captivated by it. 
“That songs really pretty, I like it,” I said, scribbling down whatever notes I couldnt on a piece of paper. “Thanks, it's actually, uhm..” He trailed off, and I knew something was up. I spun around in my chair, going to face him. “It's what?” I asked, confused by his shy demeanor. 
“It's called ‘Nothing Else Matters’,” He stated, finally stopping picking at the strings. “Nothing Else Matters?” I repeated, connecting whatever the lyrics might be in my head to the melody. Normally their slower, melodic songs were dark and heavy topics, so I expected the same with this one.
“Yeah,” James answered, “I wrote the lyrics about you, actually,” He muttered softly, though I still picked it up. “About me?” I questioned, slightly shocked. “Yeah… I've thought a lot about, well, everything recently. Ever since that point a few months back I've reflected and everything… Rumors spread, and I just want everyone out there to get the right idea,” He paused, searching for the right words, “I want people out there to know that you're all I care about, you mean more than the world to me, and I want everyone to know that,” He stated, his tone true and emotional. I had never heard him say sweeter words to me, and I knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth, I could see it in his eyes, there's a way to read people, and James wasn't easy to read, but you soon could learn the lingo.
“That means a lot to me, Jamie,” I answered, smiling at him. I got up from my chair to sit next to him on the couch, leaning against him. “Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “You don't need to thank me, sweetheart,” James responded, wrapping his arm around me.
And now, I knew my whole world was whole again. What was once hatred, or so I thought was hatred, was once again love, everything as it should be.
103 notes · View notes
renranram · 7 months ago
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Hi darlll super love your stories!!!!! huhu even though its so short it's enough to keep me fed for a whole week HAHAHAHA.
That aside I kinda have another suggestion do take your time! Always take breaks, you don't have to write as soon as you see this🫶 (just tryna keep the schlatt community alive/j)
Anyways what about schlatt with either a preggy or reader with a newborn baby (like they just gave birth orrr it's a nephew? cause SCHLATT HANDLING KIDS IN HIS INTERN VID WAS SO SWEET AJSHSH) or maybeee baby accidentally shows themselves on screen with jambo and burnt soup following them (sorry if it's so long LMAO)
Ps. Holding rammy or something eehehehehe... Also genuinely don't know if I skipped your rules etc but yeah I hope this is comfortable for u to write 🫶
Dad Schlatt
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sfw
new dad schlatt trying to take care of your daughter!
( a/n; COME BACK OF THE YEAR LET'S GOOO 🗣️🗣️🗣️ ill also post more later 👍🏻 )
jay sighs, watching you two, his treasure, fall asleep in bed, you facing your toddler, your baby girl, he looked at you with admiring eyes, he can't help but catch himself smiling
he can't believe your daughter will be 3 in a few weeks, he still remembers everything, “ jay- oh my god.. im so sorry for interrupting the r-recording… but i think.. i think she's coming out “ you burst into his room, recording an episode of chuckle sandwich, deep in pain as you hold tightly on your stomach
“ holy shit “ schlatt immediately rushes to you, not minding the recording anymore, “ my water broke “ you mumble at him as he caresses your cheek, “ okay, we'll be okay, let's go to the car “ he tries to reassure you, panicking himself, gently lifting you up, bridal style as he carefully rushes downstairs
during the ride to the hospital schlatt kept his hand with yours, holding you tightly as you tried to calm yourself, moaning in pain, “ im so sorry toots, it'll be okay, just take a deep breath, yeah? “ his thumb caressing your knuckles, stealing a peck
after you arrive the man patiently waited outside of the operation room, waiting for you to be okay and your little angel to be born, clenching his hands as he takes deep breaths, pacing back in forth, his anxiety rising up
and after hours of waiting schlatt immediately rushes in when he hears you've been admitted to a room, “ toots? toots? how are you? you alright? “ he approaches you, caressing your hair, you chuckling softly, “ im fine jay “ your hands intertwine, as you peck his knuckle
“ i wish you could've seen her… she's so pretty “ you whisper, a bit weak due to birthing just a few minutes ago, schlatt couldn't help but sigh in relief, “ yeah?, im guessing she took her mother's genes “ he smiles at you, endearingly, jay softly pecking your cheek
you could only giggle, as the nurse enters your room, “ how are you feeling darling? “ she gently asks, checking your vitals, before facing jay, “ you can watch your pretty princess on the nursery now “
“ baby, why don't you see her? “ you suggest, smiling softly, “ but toots, what about you? “ schlatt asks, wary to leave you even for just a minute, “ awh don't worry sweetie, i’ll look after her “ the nurse, with the nametag of sarah, smiles at him reassuringly
“ now shh go “ you gently pat his butt as he steals a quick forehead peck, “ alright… be careful yeah? “ he hums slowly leaving the room
as he walked towards the nursery, a small smile came to his face, seeing the newborn children inside, finding children, adorable, his eyes tries to look for your daughter, ‘ loreine schlatt ‘, his eyes sparkle in affection, seeing your baby laying in the crib, a pink bonnet on her hair, with a matching pink blanket
“ jesus fuck… im a dad now “ schlatt breathes out, leaning closer to the glass window, “ my pretty little girl “ he whispers staring at his daughter through the glass, his chest getting warmer every second
after a week, you're finally released from the hospital, and god, did anyone warn you how stressful it is to be parents?
schlatt decided to take a break from youtube, to finally focus on you two, he was amazing at it, managing to look out for his healing wife and his… crybaby of a daughter
as the two of you cuddle, schlatt hums, finding rest for a bit, watching your chest rise and fall, as you snore quietly, he chuckles softly, fixing your hair with his featherlight touch hoping not to wake you up
and that's was his rest, as loreine, yells and sobs, the man sighs, tiredly sitting up as he glances at his alarm, 3:45 am, he groans softly before approaching your daughter's room, already having a miniature fridge on her room to avoid rushing downstairs to make milk
“ you like interrupting daddy’s rest, no? “ jay baby talks your daughter as she wails, her tiny chubby hands wavering around as he gently lifts her up, cradling her, “ you got your mother's mouth, loud “ he jokes, gently grabbing her milk, guiding it to her mouth
humming a song as he moves back and forth slowly, hoping to calm her down, “ it's 3 in the morning and my tiny lady is bothering mee “ he said in a sing song way, gently caressing her cheek with his finger, “ i can't believe i made you “ he whispers, smiling
his baby talking slowly calms your daughter down, sucking the shit out of her milk as she cooes
“ i can't believe, one day, you'll grow up and have a boyfriend, then you're gonna leave daddy “ he playfully scolds your daughter, before noticing burnt soup and jambo entering the room, meowing, “ you guys are awake too? “ he asks, chuckling, “ she's a pretty loud sibling isn't she? “ he jokes
noticing loreine finally gone back to sleep, he gently puts her back down on the crib, switching the milk for a pacifier, as soup and jambo look at your daughter, as if guarding her, “ you two gonna be her guards now? “ he kneels down, gently petting jambo and soup, “ then you better take care of her alright? she's grow up and take care of you two too “ he smiles
before standing up, stretching, eyeing up a rammie plushie of his, the first of it's kind, before gently setting it next to his daughter, smiling as he watches loreine immediately hugs it
311 notes · View notes
jisungiesvzz · 2 months ago
Text
You Need To Eat Well
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Han Jisung x fem!reader
Warnings: eating disorder, panic attack, anxiety, throwing up, fluff at the end?
Word Count: 1.8k
P.S. This is my first post so please let me know if I’ve missed warnings! Also, this is NOT proof read so send in any typos or wtvr lol.
----------------
It was around lunch time when you were with Jisung and his members in their practice room. They were arguing over a particular dance move while you lay on the couch in the corner, mindlessly scrolling through a social media app. 
“Alright enough!” Bangchan said, raising his voice a bit.
You flinched slightly at his sudden unexpected tone change. The members went silent but Jisung stared at you, noticing your sudden movement. You noticed him staring and quickly went back to looking at your phone.
“Clearly we are all frustrated with each other and arguing isn’t going to get us anywhere.”
The other members nodded their heads in agreement as a bunch of sighs went around the room.
“You’re right,” Changbin chimed in. “It is a little past lunchtime, let’s grab something to eat and start up again after.”
You shuttered at the idea of eating in a group.
“Yeah, I could really use some food.” Hyunjin agreed. The other members simultaneously shuffled off to their bags to grab what they needed before regrouping at the door.
You saw a shadow approaching you and you set down your phone, sitting up to see who it was.
Jisung.
“You should come with us, you need to eat too.”
“Uh… yeah no I’ll go with you guys.” You replied back, making sure to avoid the part about you actually eating.
You grabbed your phone and wallet and walked out the door with the group. You tried to subtly walk behind the members to avoid the topic of food without making it obvious. Seungmin and I.N were debating very loudly over which ramen place would be better to eat at. Hearing the word ramen made you feel physically ill. You did your best to put on a smile but Jisung noticed you were a little pale and matched your pace to walk next to you. 
“How are you feeling? You look a little pale.” He asked, trying to sound calm but his concern was more evident in his voice than he intended.
“Oh I’m pale? I feel fine though.” You said trying to sound convincing.
“Are you sure?” He asked, not believing you.
You nodded your head with the best reassuring smile you could muster up. You could tell he didn’t really believe you but before anymore could be said you had arrived at the restaurant.
The group grabbed a table and you tried not to sit next to Jisung to avoid him noticing your eating pattern. You sat next to Felix and Bangchan which made Jisung frown a little but he shrugged it off and sat next to Felix.
Minutes went by and your mood began to change for the better as Felix started excitedly talking  to you about his upcoming Louis Vuitton photoshoot. You slowly forgot about where you were until the waiter came up and started taking everyone’s orders. It came to your turn and you were already dreading everyone looking at you, waiting for you to order. You pretended to look at the menu and then ordered a small appetizer. 
The waiter finished writing down the orders and walked away.
“Y/n-ah you should’ve ordered more, that won’t fill you up,” Lee know stated from across the table.
Your stomach dropped. Everyone was looking at you.
“I uh- I ate a big breakfast, I’m just… not that hungry right now,” you felt so pathetic through the lie. 
“Breakfast was so long ago, we’ll order you some ramen,” Bangchan said, waving down the waiter before you could reject his statement.
The food arrived moments later, and the second the bowl was put in front of you, you felt so nauseous. 
It’s too much food. You look like a pig eating this in front of them, Don’t it eat, they’re judging.
You tried to wait a couple minutes before excusing yourself to the bathroom but you almost threw up just thinking about picking up the chopsticks. 
“I’m gonna head to restroom real quick,” you said quickly and you sped to the bathroom.
You swung the door open, not bothering to lock it behind you. You immediately started belching and throwing up into the toilet. Tears streamed down your face as you continued throwing up. The door cracked open and you faintly heard someone’s worried voice.
“Y/n-ah…?”
A second later, someone was dashing towards you and holding your hair back. You shuttered aggressively once you stopped vomiting and let out a shaky whimper. You felt someone’s hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles on it. 
“What happened...?” You recognized the voice. It was Jisung.
You sighed not wanting to speak.
Jisung grabbed your chin and turned head to look up at him. He looked you in the eyes and he could see the hurt in them.
“Talk to me. Please, Y/n…” he quietly begged.
“I just feel sick, it… it could be a c-cold.” You stammered through your lie.
It was evident in his eyes that he didn’t fully believe you but after a few moments of thought he let it go.
“I’m gonna tell the members you’re not feeling well then I’m taking you home.”
“Ji, I’m fine-”
He cuts you off, “Y/n don’t argue with me. You are sick and you need rest.”
You sighed and gave in, nodding your head. He helped you stand up and headed back to the table to grab your things.
—————
You lay in bed staring up at the ceiling with Jisung laying next to you. It had been quiet for a while, leaving plenty of time for Jisung to think. He noticed you were pale again.
“Do you think you can get down some broth?” He broke the silence.
You internally gagged but he didn’t notice.
“I’m not hungry,” you reply weakly.
He sat up, slightly hovering over you, “Y/n, I’m worried about you. You’re super pale, it’s not normal.”
He thinks you’re ill. You can’t eat. He’ll laugh at you for wanting food.
“Stop, please…” you begged, rubbing your face “I can’t think about food anymore… please, just stop.”
The tears were forming again and that’s when Jisung caught on.
“Are you… Y/n when was the last time you really ate?”
“I told you, I ate this mor-”
He cut you off, “Don’t lie Y/n, when was the last time you ate.”
Silence feel between you two. Tears pricked Jisung’s eyes as his suspicions were confirmed. He didn’t say anything before getting up and leaving the room.
He’s leaving you. He thinks you’re pathetic for not eating. You can’t eat. Don’t eat. He’ll think you’re a pig.
The thoughts kept rolling in and you started to panic, your thoughts consuming you by the minute. A couple minutes go by and Jisung comes back in with a small cup of broth. He sits on the edge of the bed and moves the cup towards your lap. You shake your head but he just looks at you with pleading eyes.
“Think of it as flavored water, yeah? It’s not food.”
“I- I can’t…. I-” 
The panic is setting in. Your breathing became labored and you started shaking uncontrollably. You desperately tried to calm down but everything felt like it was caving in on you; the ceiling, the walls, the mattress pulling you into an endless abyss as you gripped at them tightly. 
Jisung practically threw the cup onto the nightstand as he saw you panicking.
“Hey what’s wrong?” He asked, concern evident in his voice.
You tried to answer but your breath kept getting caught in your throat. You begin clawing at  your chest as you felt like you were about to combust, tears now pouring out of your eyes. Jisung knew you were choking on your words and grew scared that you soon wouldn’t be able to breathe at all. He wrapped you in his arms, your head flesh with his chest.
“I need you to take deep breaths, love” he spoke, trying to sound grounded. “Listen to my breathing.” 
He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. You roughly tried to follow his breathing but it didn’t seem to be enough. You wanted to speak again but he stopped you.
“Don’t. Please, just… just keep breathing,” he took one of your hands and put it on his chest so you could feel his heartbeat. It was slow and steady, reminding you that he was there with you. He soothingly rubbed your back as your breathing began to slow down and your shaking subsided.
You sniffled softly before Jisung spoke again.
“What’s going on in your head, Y/n? You need to let me in. You’re not okay.”
“I don’t think this is something you can fix.”
“I can try. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“I… I just feel like I’m constantly getting judged by people when I eat. I’m constantly comparing myself to how much others eat and I constantly feel like I’m defined by how much, how little, or even what I eat.” You sniffled and blinked trying to hold back your tears again.
‘Oh y/n…” he cooed, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head. ‘That’s not true. You need to eat well. People care for you and we aren’t judging you.”
Jisung’s voice cracks as he also begins to tear up, “It hurts me to know that you feel this way. But I want you to know that I’m here for you, every step of the way. I’m going to help you through this, okay?”
You lifted your head off his chest, your eyes irritated  and red from crying. You looked him in the eyes and saw his hurt,  but through that hurt you saw comfort, reconciliation and… love. His gaze softened as he cupped your cheek with his hand.
“You are loved. You understand that? I…” he paused for a moment. “I love you.”
Time froze. Your heart melted at his words.
He loved you. 
His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips. He leaned closer leaving barely any space between you, giving you a chance to back away. When you didn’t move, he closed the gap between you in a melancholy kiss. He conveyed his love for you in that sweet moment and you felt his love radiated throughout you. 
Jisung broke away from the kiss and leaned his forehead against yours, slightly short of breath.
There was a moment of silence between you but that was all you needed. 
“I love you too.”
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ninupi · 2 months ago
Note
haiiii, i loved your patched up story with mitsuya and was wondering if you could maybe do another short story about reader basically being the schools president or a student of high intelligence but after school has this total other side where she’s also in a gang and into the whole fighting world so she’s really cool or something.
i know this might be a lot to ask and i’m hoping i explained that well enough lol but yeah! (again please take your time no rush and you can do it with any character you prefer from tokyo revengers, i love them all)🫶🏽🫶🏽
pawn | t. mitsuya
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₊˚⊹♡ tags; fem!reader, some cursing, like one sexual joke towards reader in bad taste, threats (not towards reader tho), blackmail (also not towards reader lol)
₊˚⊹♡ wc; 900+
₊˚⊹♡ a/n; ill be honest I had a bit of trouble thinking of how to go about this but after some thinking this is what I came up with. sorry if its not exactly what you wanted but I tried my best!
(ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)
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Mitsuya knew that people didn't really like you, he had just assumed it was because you were a strict rule follower and didn't put up with people breaking them. You've been class president all three years of high school and it was as if you got more serious each year.
"I don't get her issue, she takes shit way too seriously" Mitsuya would hear people whispering after you scolded them about certain things, whether it's their uniform not being on right or how they were late to class and anything in between.
And to some extent he agreed, but one thing he didn't get is why everyone was so scared to say something to you. He'd seen other people pick on other class presidents but when it came to you it was if everyone just took your words with a grain of salt.
"Y/n such a bitch man, I almost got detention just because of her" he heard some guy groan behind him while his friends laughed at him. "No way, are you serious? She's so stuck up, someones got to help her relax if you know what I mean"
Mitsuya rolls his eyes at their gross suggestions when he notices you walk in "Kentaro can I speak to you?" you seem slightly annoyed and mitsuya wonders if you heard what they had said about you. But mitsuya doesn't dwell on it once the boy leaves with you or when he comes back twenty minutes later looking a bit pale in the face.
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"I just need you to write the use of your club funds here and any future plans in this box" you explain as if mitsuya hasn't done this multiple times before "You don't have to explain everytime you know" he laughs taking the form from your hands.
"Just a habit I guess" you shrug organizing the rest of the papers in your hands "Y/n? Can I talk to you about something?" Kentaro asks standing at the door of the economics club room. "Not right now im busy" you brush him off not even sparing him a glance.
"B-but it's important...it's about the money you asked- I said im busy. Are you deaf?" your change in tone shocks mitsuya a bit but he decides not to say anything. And why would you be asking Kentro for money, he's not in any club that mitsuya can think of.
"I should be by later to pick up the form, if i'm not by back by 4 just leave it on my desk please" you tell mitsuya walking out of the classroom with kentaro following close behind "Are you stupid? Talking about that in front of someone else? Do you want me to-"
Mitsuya looks at you two confused as you leave, what could you possibly be talking about?
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Looking at the clock it reads 4:15, mitsuya finally realizes you're not coming back anytime soon and decides to make his way towards your class. Everyone else has gone home for the day finishing up their club activities and such so the hallways were quiet.
Mitsuya knows you wouldn't just forget to pick up the papers so he wonders what you could be busy doing when he hears someone talking in one of the classrooms. "What do you mean you don't have the money?" He immediately recognized your voice and guessing by your tone you weren't happy.
"I-i have some of it, I just don't have all of it...just give me two more- Give you more time? You've had a week, what the hell were you doing?" Mitsuya peeks his head into the room a bit and sees Kentaro standing in front of your desk looking a bit nervous.
"I have about 260 I just need to get the rest, I swear I'll get it to you in two days" what could you possibly need that much money for mitsuya thought to himself when you stood up and corned Kentaro.
"Listen to me, I told you to get 300 by this Friday last Sunday. You've had plenty of time to get your shit together, if it were up to me i'd give you the two days but it's not. I told my guys I'd have it by Sunday and that you were going to get it for them."
Mitsuya listened intensely to the way you were talking, he'd never seen this side of you and honestly if he were in Kentaro's shoes he'd be pretty nervous too. What guys were you referring to? And what'd they need all that money for anyways.
"So if you don't get me that money by Sunday it'll be your ass, not mine. So get it together and collect the fucking money, I shouldn't have to baby you. Remember if you don't do this i'll get your ass kicked out of here in no time, you understand me?"
Kentaro opened his mouth to say something but you didn't even give him a chance start "Don't say anything, I have all the proof of you cheating on those midterms and the principle will expel you for that. I also know about what you did to Akami, if her brother found out- Ok! ok i'll get you the money by Sunday! Please don't say anything about anything I swear i'll do whatever you want!"
Mitsuya doesn't think he's ever seen a guy like Kentaro so pale in the face before, what type of dirt did you have on this guy? Whatever it is seems bad and Mitsuya decided right then and there he'd try to stay on your good side for a while. Even if he hasn't done anything wrong.
"Get the fuck out of here just looking at you is pissing me off" you mutter going back to your desk, mitsuya doesn't have time to react before Kentaro is sliding the door open revealing him. He notices your shocked face and awkwardly smiles "I brought the papers..."
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supernovafics · 1 year ago
Text
𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄
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"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist
pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader
word count: 3.2k words
warnings: explicit language, some mentions of alcohol, parent drama (both reader’s and steve’s parents suck)
summary: in which your parents and steve’s come over for dinner 
author's note: this has absolutely nothing to do with the harry styles song but the title of it is just very fitting so yeah<33 i’ve been rewatching a lot of gilmore girls this fall season so i feel like that's helped me get the hang of writing awkward/tense dinners with family lol so this needed to be done
general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Fall 1985
When your and Steve’s parents first suggested this “early Thanksgiving dinner,” you thought that it wouldn’t actually happen. 
The initial idea sounded pretty funny to you— your parents and Steve’s parents would have a full on dinner at your apartment a week before the actual holiday. Yeah, right.
It sounded like the kind of idea that parents that really cared about spending time with their children would have, and that wasn’t how you’d necessarily describe yours or Steve’s. 
A month ago, when they told you about the ski trip the four of them were going on during the entire week of Thanksgiving, you expected to just not see them probably until Christmas— and that felt like a bit of relief to you because spending time with your parents wasn’t your favorite hobby.  
But then you remembered how, only during the holidays, your parents always had a need to show, or maybe more so “prove” to themselves, that they actually cared about you. So, of course, they wouldn’t let this stupid holiday go, and instead they thought that it would be best if you all did something early and together. 
And sadly, none of the immediate excuses that you and Steve came up with worked because your moms had solutions for everything.
When you told yours that the kitchen in the apartment was too small to cook for this kind of elaborate dinner, she simply told you that they’d buy and bring all of the food and you and Steve wouldn’t have to cook at all. She also not-so-jokingly mentioned that she would’ve never trusted either of you two cooking anyway.
And when Steve told his mom that the current dining table you two had was way too small to fit all six of you, she promptly had one ordered and delivered to your door in just a week. It was an expensive dark wood set that could comfortably fit six people, and you and Steve spent hours struggling to build it the day it showed up at your front door. It took up an obscene amount of space, but it did actually look kind of nice.
Now it was weeks later and the dreaded night was finally here, but you still tried to come up with any way to avoid it from happening. 
“And we’re sure that we really can’t get out of doing this tonight?” You asked Steve as you folded the blanket that was lying half-hazardly on the couch. “I could call my mom and say that we’ve somehow fallen tragically ill in the last hour?”
“I’m ninety-five percent sure that they’re all already on their way.”
“Shit.”
“It’ll be fine,” Steve said, and then he considered his words. “Actually, it will probably suck, but overall, we will be fine.” 
You let out a sigh and placed the now folded blanket back on the couch and then started cleaning off the coffee table, stacking the random magazines in a neat pile and then adjusting Harold’s cage so that it was nicely in the center. Your and Steve’s shared pet hamster was currently nibbling on the food that you had put in his bowl only moments ago. 
An abrupt feeling of worry shot through you as you looked around the apartment. The place was clean— probably the cleanest it had ever been— since you and Steve had spent the day doing everything to avoid either of your parents saying anything bad about the place. However, in the grand scheme of things, you knew that it didn’t matter because they’d still hate the apartment. They would hate how you two decided to furnish and decorate it, and they would passive aggressively make fun of the place for however long this dinner would have to be.
“Let’s try not to think about how bad this night is gonna be and just be glad that we’re not gonna have to suffer alone, like usual,” Steve said, practically reading your mind and the look on your face, as he started setting plates out on the new table. 
He was completely right. This was the first time that a collective Thanksgiving was happening among all of you. Usually, it was just you alone with your parents in Chicago visiting family members that you never talked to, and Steve was doing the same exact thing except he was in Indianapolis. You’d always end up calling each other at the end of the night from the hotel or family house you were staying at, and you’d tell each other stories about whatever weird family members you encountered or how boring it all was. 
It did make things feel a bit better that, for once, you didn’t have to go through this alone and neither did Steve.
“You’re right,” You said with a nod and then smiled. “We’ll be going through this shitshow together.”
As if on cue, there was a knock at the door and since Steve was closer he went to answer it. You took one brief and final look around the apartment before heading toward the door too, so Steve didn’t have to be by himself in this greeting.
“Hi,” He said when he opened the door and saw all of your parents standing there. There was a bright smile on his face and he effortlessly turned on that “Steve Harrington charm” that people had adored in high school— you hadn’t even gone to the same high school as him, but you still heard so many of the stories.
A chorus of Hi’s and Hello’s were heard as your moms entered the apartment first since they were carrying all of the food and your dads followed in right behind them.
“I still hate that you moved into a place that doesn’t have a front doorman, or, at least, a buzzer system,” Were your dad’s first words to you; deciding against saying the simple “How are you?” that you had expected. “You two should get a better lock on your door.”
You laughed a bit. “We live in Hawkins, not New York, Dad. I don’t think anyone is really itching to rob us anytime soon.” 
“Anything can happen,” He responded, looking at you seriously. “I’ll bring you a new one when we get back from Colorado.”
You only nodded at his words instead of saying anything to rebut them; you knew that he overall meant well. “Okay.”
Your attention turned to your mom and she pulled you into a hug that felt way too forced before pulling away and giving you a quick onceover. “Oh… Is that what you’re wearing?”
You thought that your outfit was fine; a V-neck navy blue knit sweater that was a bit cropped and a simple pair of black jeans. But, your mom always managed to find something wrong with everything, so this reaction to your current outfit didn’t necessarily surprise you; it did still annoy you all the same, though.
“Oh, um, no I was just about to change,” You told her and forced a small smile.
She nodded at that. “Okay, that’s good, that’s good. You go change while Christine and I get the table set up.”
You started heading toward your room but looked back at Steve first. He was in a conversation with his parents that looked like they were doing much more of the talking than him. As if sensing your gaze on him, his eyes met yours and he gave you a hopeful look and that was enough to make you feel a little better.
It didn’t take long for you to change. You kept your sweater on but traded your jeans for the long black silk skirt that your mom had always liked on you. You hoped this slightly different outfit would be enough to satisfy her, and if not, you were willing to suffer through her inevitable look of disappointment. 
You lingered in your room, tidying up your desk for no particular reason and then deciding to remake your bed. It was clear that you were stalling, avoiding having to face your parents again, and as much as you wanted to continue doing that, you also didn’t want to leave Steve to fend for himself. You were supposed to be suffering together, after all. 
You immediately noticed the dining table when you walked out of your bedroom. The food was now nicely set out and there were even brown placemats sitting underneath the plates that Steve had already set out. It was all set up in a way that would’ve felt nice and wholesome if either of your families had ever remotely felt like the ones portrayed in most TV shows or movies. But, they weren’t anywhere close to being like that, so this all just felt weirdly forced.
Of course, you didn’t say that, though.
Instead, you sat down with everyone at the table and desperately hoped that the next few hours of your life would breeze by. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“From the brochure, the pictures of the cabin look really great. We hope it actually looks that way in person,” Steve’s mom, Christine, said. 
You took another bite of the mac and cheese on your plate as you continued to listen to your parents talk about their ski trip that was happening next week, which they had been doing for the last twenty minutes and you fully didn’t mind it. Since the conversation wasn’t centered on either you or Steve, things actually didn’t feel tense or nervewracking. If you could just make your parents talk about themselves during the entire dinner, you would probably end the night with a smile on your face. 
“Oh, and there are a lot of bedrooms too,” Your mom chimed in before taking another sip from the wine glass in her hand. “Maybe you two could take a trip up there soon and invite your friends to go too.” 
“Yeah, that would be nice,” You said with a small nod.
“Enough talking about the trip, though, that’s probably so boring for your kids to hear about,” Your dad said, and you internally sighed because you knew the exact direction the conversation was about to go in. You felt him look at you. “How’s school been going? The semester is almost over.”
“It’s been good,” You answered, keeping your response short and sweet. You decided not to mention that you really couldn’t care less about the majority of your classes because none of what you were doing in any of them felt like it really mattered. 
“Okay, and your grades and everything are fine, right?”
You only nodded in response to his question, hoping that your lack of actual words would signal to him that you wanted to bring an end to this topic of conversation. Of course, that was only wishful thinking.
“That’s good,” Your mom said. “You have to make sure your grades stay like how they were in high school, or even better, for when you transfer to the University of Chicago. We don’t want to have any reason for them not to accept you again.” 
You suddenly felt like you were right back in middle school and high school, where your conversations with your parents solely revolved around school; what your grades were, if you were doing your homework and completing assignments on time, and studying for tests. It always annoyed you that the only times they would bother to pay attention to you was when it came to that stuff. Other than that, you were always seemingly an afterthought, never a bigger priority than their jobs. 
In a way, this entire conversation should’ve been expected; it was always inevitable. Pretty much anytime you talked to your parents in recent months, the discussion always seemed to circle its way back to that school and you going there in two years instead of right now, like they had wanted you to.
“I’m still so surprised that you decided to not go to the University of Chicago now,” Christine said and you turned your attention to her. It was starting to feel a bit painful to you that the subject still hadn’t changed yet. “When Steve told me that you were going to go to the community college close by, I couldn’t believe it, honestly.”
You noticed your parents share a look upon hearing her words. The mix of disappointment and annoyance toward you that was shared between them in that moment felt palpable. 
“I didn’t think it was time to leave Indiana just yet. I’ll be going soon, though,” You said, keeping your voice light and plastering on a fake smile, even though all you wanted to do in that moment was leave the table and hideout in your bathroom for the rest of the night. 
You saw your dad smile a little and then you also noticed the look of relief wash over your mom’s face. For some stupid reason, you still felt the need to make them feel pleased with you. And somehow that made you feel even more upset with yourself than anything they had said to you so far tonight. 
The only thing that managed to make things feel remotely tolerable right then was Steve sitting across from you, giving you a look that said, “Everything will be okay.” For the time being, you chose to believe him and you simply took another bite of your food. 
You were about to say something about how good the turkey was so your moms would start talking about the restaurant they got all of the food from and why they chose it— you were sure that there was some story behind it all— and that would finally bring an end to the college conversation. But, before a word could leave your mouth, Steve’s dad began speaking. 
“Well, at least, you’re in college. We can’t say the same for Steve here.” He then looked at his son. “Do you really want to work at a video store for the rest of your life?”
 Christine let out a sigh. “Jeff.”
“What?” He shrugged as if his previous question wasn’t completely condescending. “I’m just asking a question.”
“I’m actually starting at the community college next semester,” Steve told his parents and you tried to hide your immediate confusion. “I found out I got in a few days ago.”
“Well, that’s great,” Christine said happily, and Jeff smiled approvingly as well. 
You had no idea Steve had gotten in or even applied, and you wondered if he was lying right then to just get his parents off his back, but you couldn’t tell. Something about the way he said it honestly felt pretty real. The only part that didn’t feel real was that you were finding out during this dumb dinner instead of at any other time. 
“So, I was wondering,” Your mom began and you braced yourself for the impact of whatever she was going to say. “Why did you two decide to get a hamster? I feel like it makes things smell a bit funny in here…”
A part of you was glad that the conversation finally shifted away from college. But you didn’t think that the passive aggressive comments toward the apartment would begin with Harold. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“Well, this night was fucking brutal.”
You let out a sigh. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
Steve was doing the dishes as you put what was left of the food into tupperwares and then put them in the fridge. Surprisingly, it was a lot of stuff leftover; your moms definitely went overboard with the amount they had ordered. You and Steve already made plans to invite Robin and Eddie over tomorrow to have some of these leftovers.
“I’m actually glad that the dessert tasted bad since it made them want to leave early.”
“It was honestly a bit bittersweet because I was kind of excited for that pie,” You said as you placed the final tupperware of food into the fridge and then went over to Steve. “Oh, and also,” You punched his arm and ignored his immediate “ouch.” “Why the hell didn’t you tell me that the stars have finally managed to align and we’ll finally be going to the same school for the first time ever?”
He smiled a little at your dramatics. “I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it just in case I somehow didn’t end up getting in. I swear I was gonna tell you tomorrow.”
“So, you did all of that annoying application stuff by yourself?”
“Robin helped me with it.”
“I would’ve been happy to help you,” You told him, and maybe you were being a bit overdramatic, but you actually felt slightly offended that he hadn’t wanted to come to you about this. 
The possibility of you two going to the same middle or high school was a far out idea that never happened because you lived in different towns. But, it was still something that was adamantly and wistfully talked about by you and him; how much more fun both of your school lives could be if they intersected in that way like the other parts of your lives did. 
Of course, going to the same college would’ve been the most obvious way for it to finally happen, but Steve never seemed that interested in going to college, and up until the last possible second you were being pushed toward Chicago by your parents. 
But now things were finally different.
“I know that you would’ve, but I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone, honestly. Robin saw me working on the application one day and decided to help,” He explained and you only gave him a small nod in response. “I didn’t even think I’d tell my parents about it, but when I heard my dad’s dumb comment about Family Video I felt like I had to say it so he wouldn’t keep looking at me like a disappointment.” He sighed. “And it’s kinda fucked up… I really don’t wanna care what my parents think about me and what I’m doing with my life, but I think there will always be a part of me that does.”
You thought back to your dad’s approving smile and your mom’s relieved look when you reassured them that you still planned to go to the University of Chicago; how much you still wanted to make them feel at least a little proud of you even though you knew you shouldn’t.
“Me too,” You said softly. 
“I’m glad we probably won’t have to see them again until Christmas.”
You sighed. “Apparently, my dad is gonna bring us a new lock for the door when they get back from their trip.”
“Oh,” Steve said and then smiled at you when it looked like he thought of something. “Okay, what are the odds that he’ll just send someone to put the new lock on the door instead of coming himself?”
You thought about it for a second. “Honestly, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance that would happen. He’ll probably be too busy with work after the trip to actually come and do it himself.”
“Okay, let’s hope for that,” He said as he finished washing the last plate and placed it on the drying rack. “So, since the dessert was a bust tonight, do you wanna go to the diner? I’m sure Mary would never fuck up her apple pie. And then when we get back, we can finish that bottle of wine that our moms left.”
You smiled at his suggestion. “You have a brilliant mind, Harrington.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
let me know ur thoughts<333
(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)
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imahinatjon · 10 months ago
Note
MAYBE HEADCANONS OF BSD MEN OF YOUR CHOICE WITH A READER WHO HAS A DRASTICALLY LARGE HEIGHT DIFF? IM LIKE 4'8 SO YEAH :D
I am sorry this took so long lol. I've been ill since before my last post and have gotten myself a little throat paralysis demon.
Bsd characters x SHORT reader
I chose the characters that are tall? Or at least that I think are tall.
(Dazai + Sigma + Nikolai)
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Dazai
• Dazai likes how tall- short you are. It cute.
• HOWEVER. He does have his complaints.
• It's not that sometimes you need him to reach things from higher off the shelf when at home or shopping. He's more than happy to do that.
• It's not that he has to bend slightly to kiss you
• It's the fact that he's forever loosing you in crowds.
You and Dazai were on a date when you went missing. Holding hands until suddenly he looked down and you weren't there. Now, he wasn't worried anyone had taken you... well, maybe a bit, but he was sure you could handle yourself. He just wasn't sure he couldn't handle it.
"You really ought to stop jumping to the worst conclusions" he jumped when he heard your voice, turning to see you standing right beside him once again
" just because you loose sight of me doesn't mean I've been kidnapped"
"Can never be too careful" he replied, reaching to hold your hand again so you could carry on.
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Sigma
• So, your short. Okay. That's fine.
• Honestly, he doesn't get why it's an issue.
• He thinks it's cute. Also makes him feel useful when you can't reach things from higher shelves.
• He has the casino, and that's his life basically, but now he's also got you, and he'd like to keep it that way.
• Hence why he insists on reaching everything for you.
• It's not an issue, really! He likes seeing you safe, and not climbing precariously.
Sigma loves you, he really does, but sometimes your incredibly frustrating. He doesn't mind letting you wonder around the casino on your own, but what he does mind is when you get hurt walking around the casino alone... hes writing his lecture about climbing while he waits for you to come back. He's probably not the best person to be giving lectures, but there is literally no one else to do it.
You should he expecting a pretty little envelope on his desk addressed for you to read.
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Nikolai
• Your his arm rest.
• Sorry but you are. There's no getting around it.
• Sometimes, when he's not even near you, you'll feel a pressure ontop of your head.
• So you look up, look around and spot nikolai with his arm in his cloak.
• He's resting on your head from across the room.
• He does it purely to annoy you.
• If it doesn't really annoy you? He'll just find another way.
• Its his form of affection.
You were discussing something with Fyodor. About what? Who knows, it's not important.
You noticed throughout your talk he kept looking above you, and of course. You could only roll your eyes, you knew exactly what he was looking at. Your boyfriend. One specific man called Nikolai.
He was using his ability to mess with you again. You'd get him.
Nikolai did this often, and usually you only ducked down and moved away, you never retaliated. So when you tugged on his arm rather roughly, he was caught just a little off guard, suddenly beside you in the room, his eyes moved between you and Fyodor.
"We're trying to have an important conversation" fyodor sighed
"I'll see you later" you said, kissing his cheek gently and continuing your prior buisness.
_________________________________________
Short and sweet. Kinda rushed bc I've been thinking on it for ages 🥲
Xx
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arcadia-of-pluto · 5 months ago
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Twist of Fate; Chapter Five
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Pairings; LADS OT4 x reader
Word count; 3,000
Themes; isekai, eventual smut
Rating; 18+ for swearing and some mature context
Notes; As always, horrible described combat scenes. Also, a reminder for the text emojis, 💜 is Rafayel and 🩷 is Y/n
Also, I will be working on other stories and oneshots in the future! I just want to get this story rolling and then I'll begin writing other things.
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Masterlist
A few days later, Rafayel finally shoots you a text.
💜 :’miss bodyguard im in need of ur services’
💜:’theres a specific material I need to finish my artwork and only U can help me find it!’
Finally the message you were waiting for. You take a deep breath before sending your message back.
🩷 :’I'll have you know, I've been charging you half the usual price for my services. This better be worth it.’
💜 :’aww dont be like that! Come on over Ill tell you the details when yuo get here.’
You get dressed and head out, saying goodbye to Estelle on your way out.
Once at Whitesand Bay, you step into Rafayel's art studio and, of course, he's on the floor. You already know what's going to happen but you step forward regardless and put a finger to his nose to make sure he's breathing. “Rafayel?” you say, confused at how he was texting you one moment and now he's asleep. You look around the studio, noticing paint cans scattered all across the floor and unfinished paintings with the word ‘Lemuria’ written in the corner.
You go to tap his shoulder and he catches your wrist, causing you to jump in surprise and knock over a dirty water cup which bleeds onto a nearby canvas, revealing an ocean sunset. “Oh hey, you got here sooner than I anticipated.” Rafayel sits up and lets go of your wrist before holding his hand out, “Pull me up?” He tilts his head to the side with a smile. You sigh, shaking your head as you take his hand, but he has other plans and tugs you down with him.
“Rafayel!” you angrily groan as your knees hit the floor, your hand landing in a puddle of baby pink paint next to his head. “Are you crazy?” You ask, anger evident in your tone as you met his eyes from above him. “Mmh, only a little. Anyway, now that we're more comfortable, I need your help getting something.” He rests his hands underneath his head, making himself comfortable.
You roll your eyes and push your body up with one hand so you’re sitting next to him. “And you decided that was the perfect position to ask your question?” You raise a brow, shooting a pointed look at the baby pink paint on your palm. “I get it, it's not a good look. Let me take you out first,” Rafayel chuckles before saying, “Go wash your hand off, we can go to a café or something and talk.”
Once at the café, you sip on your drink as he explains what he's looking for is called a coral stone. He's painted with it before and he needs some more. It’s apparently a really important material for his next painting. “Look I-” But Rafayel shushes you, holding a finger to his lips as he spots something behind you. “There's someone here.”
“Is it someone from the N109 Zone? Why are they targeting you anyways? It makes no sense.” You scratch your head, annoyed at all of the interruptions, and he looks away for a moment, “I… refused to paint something for a big shot and, I guess, I pissed him off.” He shrugs before turning his head to look back at you, “Look, I know you said you want to get into the N109 Zone, so how about we work together, yeah?”
“I've been pretty busy these days…so I'll think about it.” You run a hand through your hair and then tap on the table with your nails. “Should we bait this guy out and see what he wants?” “Sounds fun, Miss hunter.” Rafayel smiles, before you both get up when a group of highschoolers are exiting the cafe and go straight down an alley where you ambush the guy.
He says he's a reporter and that a man who Rafayel sold a painting to died and the reporter was wondering if somehow Rafayel's paintings had killed the man. If you remember correctly, this was the same man who had a mermaid skeleton on display in his home so…maybe this is good riddance. Wait- or did Rafayel really kill that man because he had a lemurian skeleton in his home?
You both end up letting the man go but, before you do, Rafayel breaks his camera and you head back to Whitesand Bay together to look at the sunset. “Look, you don't have to say anything..Just come to the pier tomorrow at 10 if you're willing to go with me. And don't forget your promise.”
“What promise?” You tease before you reply quickly before he gets pouty, “I remember, don't worry.” It was the promise to be his bodyguard. “But if you do come tomorrow…I have an idea on how to get into the N109 Zone. The Nest is an information hub so we could…bait out Onychinus.” Rafayel turns to look at you and tilts his head to the side. “Sound good? I'll pull some strings and get you a Hunting day invitation, anything else you do after that is on you though.”
“You'll just have to show me how to be bait.” You say before you nod your head in agreement. “Deal.” You shake hands and go home to get up bright and early tomorrow.
You stretch your arms up in the air and yawn as you walk across the pier on Whitesand Bay. As you rub your tired eyes, you notice a tall man, that wasn’t Rafayel, standing on the pier. “Oh, hey Mr. Thomas.” You greet Rafayel's manager, who was a tired looking man. “Just call me Thomas. You know…I've never seen Rafayel this excited before! He's been like this since you've been around.”
“Oh really now?” You raise a brow, laughing before Rafayel steps in-between you both. “So you ready for our dangerous mission?” You ask and Thomas peeks around Rafayel with a look of shock on his face, “Wait, I thought you said this was a date!”
After this, the two of you hunker down into the small boat and begin to row toward the island in the distance. “Why couldn't you have gotten a motorboat?” You groan, tilting your head back as you aid Rafayel in rowing the rickety wooden boat. “Zayne said sun exposure to my scar may make it worse.”
“Zayne?” Rafayel raises a brow and scoffs, “on a first name basis with someone other than me?”
You pause, before internally cringing at your slip up. You throw a hand up in the air as you speak, trying to calm his dramatics. “He's my doctor. I've known him for a few years, remember?” You look away from him, not wanting to talk too much on that subject since you weren't sure what would happen.
“Hmm…Well, since you didn't ask yesterday or today, we're heading to Hat Island.” Rafayel says after a few moments of silence with a pout on his lips. “That one island that's riddled with wanderers? The one that everyone is told specifically not to go to?” You question before scoffing, “Huh, maybe I should charge you more.” “Don't be like that, cutie. The protocores from the wanderers here would be great to use as paint. Oh and the coralstone..it's said to be from Lemuria so that's why my paintings with it have illusion properties.” He decides to provide some exposition and you try to row a bit faster. “Anyways, you can't have all of the protocores, I have to submit some to the Hunter's association.” You grumble and the artist in front of you grabs your hand that's rowing. “Slow down, you're gonna make me seasick.”
After about thirty minutes of rowing, the island was finally close but it seemed like the boat was slowly falling apart. “Should we swim the rest of the way?” You worriedly ask, not fully confident in your swimming capabilities, since you can only doggy paddle and not actually swim. “And mess up my suit?” Rafayel retorts and you roll your eyes, “It's better than staying in a sinking boat.”
“Fine, we'll swim once we're closer.” The purple haired man reluctantly agrees as he notices more water seeping into the boat. “The boat will probably be fully submerged by then,” You comment, but continue rowing nonetheless.
Once on the island, you check your watch. “Hmm, it seems like the biggest fluctuation is on the other side of the island.” You say as you wring the water out of your hair. “We'll probably be here the whole day.”
You decide to shoot a quick text to Xavier, asking if he'll feed Estelle dinner tonight and then send another to Zayne, asking if he can reschedule your doctor's appointment for the day after tomorrow. “Alright, let's get going.” You start walking but pause as you notice Rafayel isn't following and has a pout on his lips. “What's wrong now?” You sigh and tilt your head to the side with your hand on your hip.
“You were texting other men with me right next to you.” He hmphs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Relax, Raf,” you roll your eyes with a smile, “I was asking my doctor to reschedule my appointment and my neighbor to feed my pet.”
“You got a pet?” The artist was suddenly interested, but you shushed him as you heard a twig snap nearby.
“Relax cutie, there's nothing around-” Rafayel suddenly lets out a yelp and hides behind you. “It's a monster!” He peeks over your shoulder and you let out a small laugh as you spot a small orange cat. “It's a baby! Come here, baby.” You crouch down and hold your hand out with a smile.
“A baby? That's an evil creature with razor sharp teeth and claws.” Rafayel hugs himself and shivers as he tries to stay far away from the little kitten.
“He's harmless.” You say as you hold your hand out toward it and the cat stood there with wide eyes before the fur on his back bristles and he hisses at you before taking a swipe at your hand. The man next to you moves forward and his hand gets scratched instead as he grabs yours to make sure you were unharmed. “Ouch- see I told you it was evil. I'm gonna die now that it scratched me!”
“Kill the dramatics, Raf.” You say with a laugh and you grab his hand to look at it. “It's barely even bleeding…Do you need me to kiss it better?” You tease and Rafayel raises an eyebrow with a mischievous smile playing across his lips. “Oh, would you now? I'll only feel better if you kiss me- I mean, my hand.” “Are you sure?” You muse before leaning forward to press your lips against it, keeping eye contact with the man before he gets too flustered and looks away.
“That's enough.” He clears his throat, pulling his hand out of your grasp as his ear tips turned crimson. “Let's get a move on and we might be able to leave before the sun sets.”
Once you both get to the other side of the island, the sun is already low in the sky and said sky is beginning to turn orange. “So much for leaving before sunset.” You sigh, kicking your feet as you walk along the beach before your watch beeps. “A wanderer?” You pull up the map, confused. “But where-” “There.” Rafayel points toward the ocean, “Looks like it's gonna pop up soon.”
From the readings on your watch, this was going to be a big wanderer. Hopefully the fight won't be too difficult.
The large, blue bird-like creature rises from the ocean and you take your guns out of their holster. “It's oddly pretty.” You comment before the bird lets out a shrill noise and flaps its wings shooting out blue feathers that embed themselves into the ground.
You roll out of the way, landing on one knee and you fire a few bullets into the creature. “Rafayel,” You shout and he gets the idea. He runs over and you take one of his daggers, flipping it between your fingers as he takes your second gun. You launch yourself into the creature with Rafayel's knife, still charged with his fire evol, digging into the bird's chest and you drop down through the air. Rafayel’s dagger cuts the wanderer from chest to belly but once you get its feet, it kicks you into the water.
Rafayel grabs his weapon in one hand as you fall and then catches you as well, one arm around your waist as water swells around you both. If his evol is fire, how is he using water?
The cut on his cheek heals and you can't seem to stay conscious to see him finish off the wanderer. Instead, you feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into the murky depths. A feeling of nostalgia washes over you as you feel a panic spread through your chest. You seemed…terrified of drowning but you have never been afraid of water before. Trauma doesn’t suddenly form so where did it come from? You want to cry for help but the moment you open your mouth, salty water fills up your throat and your body forces you to try and breathe. “Help me..” A memory almost resurfaces in your mind, but it’s put to a pause whenever you notice a faint red mark appear on Rafayel’s chest. Why wasn’t he coming to help you?
Though as your consciousness finally begins to fade, you could've sworn you saw Rafayel hesitate to save you. Then, the next moment, he's swimming toward you with a fishy tail? Whatever, it's probably just you hallucinating- is what you'd think if you didn't have any prior knowledge. You already knew Rafayel was lemurian, which is just a fancy way to say mermaid. He was from Lemuria, think of it like Atlantis but it's always been underwater. It was a city lost to time with Rafayel being one of the only inhabitants left, save for the other few people who escaped to land.
The next time you open your eyes, you're back on the beach next to a small fire. Your head was resting on Rafayel's thigh with his coat over your shivering body. You blink a few times before rubbing your eyes as you sit up and put your arms through his coat to wear it properly. It's dark out, you assume a few hours have passed since fighting that bird wanderer. You glance over at the artist and tilt your head to the side. “You…nevermind.” You shake your head before instead saying, “Did you get what you needed?”
“Ah, the bird dropped a pretty little protocore.” He holds the blue gemstone between his fingers as he shows it off, “annnd I also found some coral stones while you were out.” He puts the protocore away before pulling out a rectangular card. He hands it to you with his index finger and thumb. “Here.” “Is this..?” You take the card from him and open it up.
Invitation to Hunting Day. D-3
“Ah, so it's three days from now.” You unknowingly let out a sigh of relief and Rafayel raises a brow, “Are you scared now, cutie?” “Not really. I'm just reluctant to trust you.” You hmph, crossing your arms over your chest. “I saw how you hesitated to save me.”
“You saw but-” He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “I didn't hesitate…I just hadn't killed the wanderer yet.” He looks away and clears his throat before slightly glancing back at you, “Did you…see anything else?”
“I did but…we'll talk about it later. It doesn't seem appropriate right now.” You say before you sneeze and wrap your arms around your waist. You hear a familiar hiss and you turn to look in the direction of the noise. “Oh, the baby is back.” Your face looks brighter compared to a few seconds ago. This time, the kitty lets you pick him up. “You are such a cutie.” You rub your face against his fur before kissing him on the head. You can hear Rafayel scoff beside you and grumble under his breath, “I can't believe I'm jealous of such a vile creature.”
“What was that?” You ask, turning your head to look at him. Your cheek still pressing against the kitty's soft fur.
“Nothing.” He clears his throat. “Thomas should be here momentarily with a boat and then we can finally go home. Are you going to take that creature with you? You shouldn't show it affection if you're just going to leave it behind and forget about it.”
You let out a heavy sigh. You know exactly what Rafayel means when he says that, even if he assumes you don't. He's putting himself in the cat's shoes- um, paws.
“Raf…” You press your lips together and pat his shoulder as you stand up so he can't see your face. “I'm not going to leave you.” Your hand squeezes his shoulder as you hold the cat to your chest. “I'm taking him with me..maybe my neighbor will want him and I'll still be able to see him all the time so…I won't forget about him either.”
Rafayel makes a noise in the back of his throat. You're not sure if it's from surprise or if he was overwhelmed with emotions, but he stands up and wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “Just let me…stay like this for a minute, yeah?”
Your heart was pounding in your chest, this was the closest you've been to any of the male characters- to your friends, you could say. You take a deep breath before nodding, “Take as long as you need, I'm not going anywhere.” Rafayel's grip around your waist tightens and the two of you stay like that until the spotlight from the nearing boat lights both of you up, and Thomas brings you both back to the mainland.
---------------------------------------------------
You know, I just realized that I said I would update every weekend buuuttt I never said how many times I would update 😎 Twice. Probably twice. I feel bad since most chapters, until later on, will be 2-3k words so posting two chapters gives yall at least 6k to read and that makes me feel better. Anyways, hope you enjoy and be prepared we're getting closer and closer to Sylus!
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ateezlovely · 1 year ago
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smiling because of you
pairing: choi san x reader (gender-neutral)
genre: fluff, friends to lovers
description: soccer is a great sport, it helped you meet the boy who you want to always be with and two years later he’s finally yours
a/n: sorry i dont know anything about soccer :c was rewatching ateez logbooks and the soccer one inspired me to write this
There was only one boy who could make your cheeks red and smile so hard that it hurt, Choi San. Ever since you met him two years ago in the most embarrassing way, you have had the hugest crush growing on him. It was unfortunate timing as you and Kazuha were walking past the soccer field that a ball was accidentally kicked right in your direction. After ending up on the ground with a bleeding nose, Choi San had come running your way apologizing and asking if you were okay.
Even though you had forgiven San and understood it was an accident he still felt guilty and kept trying to make it up to you. This is what led to your friendship and two years later you are both still stuck together.
Once a week or sometimes more after soccer practice you will meet San to study or hangout. Right now you are waiting for him to text you that he is finished with practice and is all cleaned up. It has only been a day since you last saw him but you still miss him and cannot wait to see him again. Before he texts, you decide to head over to your meeting spot and wait for him there.
you: im waiting at our spot
sannie: eager are we?
sannie: ill be out in ten :)
you: shush
The meeting spot is the same place where you got hit in the face and where you and San first met. When San first suggested this be the meeting spot you did not find it amusing but agreed because it was a meaningful spot to you both.
Distracted by your phone you are startled by a loud yell a few feet from you. Mingi and Yunho are giggling as they get closer to you.
“Hey that wasn’t funny! I could’ve had a heart attack from that” you scold them, feeling glad it was just them and San wasn’t with them.
“The most that would’ve happened is you peeing your pants” Mingi teases you and Yunho giggles agreeing with him.
“Yeah whatever, wheres San?”
“Pretty boy is still getting dolled up for you” Yunho winks and you flush but before you could make a comment back, a familiar voice yells out to the three of you.
San comes jogging over with dripping wet hair and wearing grey sweatpants and a black tank that makes your heart flutter. He drapes his arm over your shoulder saying a small hey before accusing Mingi and Yunho of harassing you.
Yunho instantly defends themselves, “they were waiting all by themselves and asked us where you were thats it!”
“Maybe you should spend less time on looking good to impress them!” Mingi snickers and starts walking away with Yunho, leaving San annoyed and you flustered.
“Well how was practice tonight?” you ask to break the tension and slight awkwardness from the comments made by the two boys.
“It was alright, coach is training us hard because we made finals”, a big sigh escapes him and you put your hand on his back to softly rub, “but its okay cause now i get to hangout with you”
You light up and smile at him, “can we please go to the night market, i am so craving that one stands food!”
San playfully disagrees and you plead him all the way to his car when he eventually says that you guys can go only if you buy.
“Yes, of course i’ll buy you anything you want” you agree with no hesitation. This makes San laugh at how determined you are to go to the night market.
An hour later the both of you are sitting by the river with full tummies. You were laying down on the grass staring up at the pink and orange sky while San was sitting next to you. The satisfaction of good food and peaceful atmosphere was almost enough to make you fall asleep.
The silence was broken by San softly speaking your name.
“mhm?”
“I was wondering…if you would want to or if you would like to…” he nervously breathed out, making you prop yourself up on your elbows to look at him, “come to my finals game this weekend?”
You were confused by his nervous demeanor, “of course i will–”
He cut you off, “I mean coming to the game as my date”
This made you stop and look at him wide eyed as you comprehend fully what he jus asked you. For two years you have been waiting for this moment and now that it is here you don’t know what to do. In the romance books the girl always knows what to say so why are the words stuck in your throat right now?
“Obviously you don’t have to it’s up to you and like if you said no, our friendship wouldn’t change at all i promise” San starts to ramble as you continue to sit there staring at him.
“San” you whisper so lightly that he doesn’t even hear you, you speak louder saying “San i’ll go to your game”
This makes him stop rambling and look at you, “really? are you sure?”
Sitting all the way up now you say, “I would really like to go… as your date” feeling shy and not able to look at him your fingers nervously play with the grass by your legs.
“Okay great! That’s really great…” there’s a bashful smile on his face that makes you smile and feel very excited for this weekend.
On Saturday the entire day is spent getting ready and making sure you look perfect for the game later. Since all of San’s friends that you know are also on the team and playing, Kazuha is going with you so you aren’t alone. You are happy to have her by your side to calm you down because you have been a nervous mess since San asked you.
The bleachers are almost full when you arrive but still manage to find seats in the front row. When the game starts and the teams come out you make eye contact with San and he smiles big at you. Feeling embarrassed you wave shyly at him and are thankful that his coach calls for the teams attention. It was Kazuhas idea to write San’s name on one cheek and his number on the other. It was embarrassing but did it because you know he would like it and a part of you likes it too.
The entire game you were on the edge of your seat in anticipation, with the other team leading by only a couple points. It was within the last 15 minutes that they were able to score and get ahead of the other team. On the field you could see San and his friends sweaty and breathing hard from how hard they are working. It made you feel worried knowing how exhausted San was going to be after this.
Both you and Kazuha were bouncing from nervous as the game was coming to an end and the team was still in the lead. The entire team and everyone watching cheered as the game ended and San’s team had won. Including you and Kazuha as you were standing up cheering and giggling at eachother excitedly.
The moment had you distracted that you did not notice a sweaty boy running towards you. It was not until he was right in front of you with the brightest smile and his chest moving fast from his breathing that you saw him.
“San?!”
“I like you, a lot, and I am so happy that you are here and I want to kiss you so bad” he blurted coming so close to you there was barely a breath of air between you, “please can i kiss you?”
This time you knew exactly what to say and there was no pause to stare at him, “kiss me San”
His hands grabbed your face and his lips were instantly on yours, bringing you into the softest but passionate kiss. There were tingles and shivers all over your body and you never wanted the kiss to end. It seems San never wanted it to end either because he didn’t pull away until both of you were almost going to pass out from not breathing.
He rested his forehead on yours and you started giggling at how happy you were.
“What are you giggling about hm?”
You pulled away to give another kiss before telling him, “I just like you so much”
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mercuriians · 5 months ago
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can't remember to forget you
content warning — some profanity, mentions of alcohol, references to terminal illness. reader’s last name is mentioned once for plot purposes later on.
author’s note — HI YALL 🥴 this is totally unedited & i wrote this at 12am. i just wanted to get this out as quickly as possible so bare with me. as a fair warning there is a LOT to unpack with the reader’s backstory, and to be honest 90% of this fic is literally just you brooding over kenji LMAO 😭. this is basically just an experiment so if u guys like this plz let me know so i can write a follow up!!
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you really have no idea as to how such an important piece of information slipped your mind. two of japan's most recent superstar athletes were returning home at the exact same time. it would've brought a smile to your face in any other situation. if only those two athletes hadn't been you and him. kenji.
it's been years since you two have spoken. well, those years were spent productively, with both of you dedicating much-needed time towards your respective sports. he rocked the baseball field. you shone on the basketball court. but at the end of the day, behind all the sweat and arena lights and post-game interviews, there was a sharp pain that remained unresolved at the back of your mind. the last memory you have of kenji is still freshly imprinted. you had been at his house, and having recently heard the devastating news of your mother being terribly ill, you had come to him seeking comfort. little did you know that he was hurting too, with another fight having just happened between him and his father.
there was so much going on at the time, so much to worry about and so much pain in general, that all the pent-up feelings between you two had burst within one crucial moment. he kissed you, and you kissed back. clothes came off. you ended up in his bed. for a while it had felt like heaven because yes, it distracted you from the worry that consumed you from the inside out, but it had also made your most secretive wishes come to fruition.
until that moment, only you had known how deeply and utterly in love you were with kenji, and how strongly those feelings had grown since you two were fourteen.
there was nothing else that could have made you happier. even now, you remember the feeling of his strong arms around you, the feeling of his mouth against yours. the way your name rolled off his tongue so smoothly, so adoringly, as he whispered it into your ear. the way he hugged you so firmly after you two made love, as if he was afraid that you would disappear.
but then you also remember how something in him changed only a few seconds later. how the atmosphere grew dark the moment he pushed you off and told you to leave without even looking you in the eye. there's a part of you that wants to think kenji didn't mean to hurt you the way he did. it's the more naive, more hopeful part of yourself, spinning stories of how he actually didn't want you to leave, and he just said it because he didn't know how to cope with his own feelings. ultimately, it's all wishful thinking, borne out of a desire to believe that he maybe did really love you.
kenji broke your heart that night, and right now, even as you board the plane headed to tokyo, even as you put on a smile and sign an autograph for a starstruck fan, you admit that not a single thing has changed. you're still holding onto the past, and you hate yourself for it. especially when you realize that kenji probably moved on a long time ago.
"you alright?" your agent, himari, asks when you two sit down. she's one of the sweetest people ever, and you really don't want to lie to her because of the guilt that you know you'll feel. you meet her hazel eyes. you open your mouth to respond.
"yeah, i'm fine," you smile.
damn it.
as the plane takes off, you do your best to remove kenji from your mind, if only for a little while. perhaps inevitably, you start thinking about the very reason you've decided to finally come home. exactly two nights ago, there was a dream you had while you were sleeping. it was vivid in its entirety, and there was fire and people screaming and something very, very big in the distance, in front of what seemed like a sports arena. conveniently enough, there was some sort of fog surrounding the mysterious figure, but you didn't need to see it to know what it actually was. a kaiju.
you remember the words your mother told you before she passed away. it was an extremely painful memory, and really there was nothing in the world that could have encapsulated how helpless you felt when you saw her frail figure. she used to be so strong, so lively with everything she did and said. it took you a while to recognize the woman that laid in the hospital bed. however even with the tears that had stung your vision at the time, you heard the very last traces of her resolve within the very last words she said to you.
"when you're old enough, i want you to start what i couldn't. . to protect the world with the gift i'll give you. please. . just remember that i love you, and that it's worth giving things a second chance."
as you stare out of the plane window, watching the world pass by below you, the clouds mix together and blur into a white haze. a moment later, you realize that tears are threatening to fall from your eyes. you wipe them away with your sleeve before they have the chance to. i'll do my best, mom, you think, hoping that somehow she can hear you. i don't know where or how i'll start, but i will.
there's a lot of things waiting for you in japan, and you're not entirely sure if you're ready. but at the end of the day, it's your home, and you know deep within your heart that you'll do anything to protect it. sliding your sunglasses onto your face, you close your eyes and try to get some rest before the plane lands.
around twelve hours later, tokyo is there to greet you in all its glory. it's night time, but the way the city lights contrast so beautifully against the sky's inky blue-black canvas is more than enough to bring a smile to your face. "we're home, himari," you say to the woman next to you.
"we are, indeed," she breathes out.
“man, not even los angeles can compete against this,” you chuckle lightly. your words carry quite a lot of weight to them, especially considering how you were completely and utterly starstruck for the first couple of weeks you were in california. there’s a reason so many movies were filmed there. yet, tokyo remains on another level, still reigning as the undefeated champion.
fine. maybe you’re a little biased.
however, your smile fades away when you realize that the probability of seeing him—kenji—is at an all time high. chances are, he’s already here. waiting for you.
stop that.
you shrug off the thought, reminding yourself that he had probably moved on years ago. there was no use in entertaining an idea that had been burnt out for a long time. the only person that would end up being hurt would be yourself—and speaking from experience, emotional distress was a lot different than physical. physical pain you could handle. as a basketball star, you were pretty accustomed to them by now. ankle sprains, muscle cramps, even that torn acl from a year ago, which had hurt like an absolute bitch.
emotional pain was entirely different territory. and it was territory that you were not willing to cross. not again.
god, you were such a mess. maybe indulging in a momentary distraction wouldn’t hurt.
“hey, himari, you wanna know what i’m cravin’ right now?” you ask, a false smile creeping onto your face. the woman in question gives you a wary look, brows slightly scrunched together as if she already knows what you’re going to say.
“a good night’s rest before your interview tomorrow?” she asks flatly.
you shake your head. “alcohol. lots of it.”
“ms. matsuda, i don’t think that’s a smart decision—”
waving her off, you protest, “just for tonight, i promise. we’re back home and i wanna celebrate. and how many times have i told you to call me by my first name?”
himari stares at you for a few moments before lowering her head and heaving a sigh. “fine. . [name]. please take care of yourself out there. and be prepared—i’m sure quite a lot of people will recognize you when you walk into the bar.”
you smile in triumph, holding up your sunglasses. “i’ve got that covered. sure, having these on at night are a little weird, but i’ll just pass it off as the new trend.”
your agent gives you another slightly concerned look before bidding you a good night. and with that, you start walking to the nearest bar. it’s small, inconspicuous, and lit up with only one neon sign. all good indicators that there’s probably not a lot of people in there. you walk in, head held high, without any trouble. your footsteps are light and unhurried against the wooden floor as your eyes quickly scan the environment—eleven or twelve people, give or take, two bartenders, a potted plant over by the corner. and a vacant stool at the far end. perfect.
sliding into the seat, you drum your fingers on the freshly cleaned counter as you decide on what to order. “the denki bran looks good, think i’ll get that,” you mutter to yourself.
you feel someone take the stool next to you, but you don’t pay it much mind. at least until they reply to your words. “yeah, it is good. pretty bold choice, though.”
your mouth drops open.
you hear the person next to you snicker quietly.
the snail-esque speed at which you turn your head would have been comical if it had been any other situation. however, it’s anything but funny when your heart jumps into your throat, when your eyes widen with pure and unadulterated shock as they meet those of familiar gunmetal gray bordering on black.
kenji gives you a sharp grin that’s only a little bit sheepish. “nice to see you again, ace.”
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