#but yeah this was fun to work on i restarted like 3 times

[nebulaeyedfish]

Well... This is it.... Good-bye...

me when I paint this scene for the 4th? time lol.

Tags: @swanofstorie @imflyingfish @raise-me-up-take-me-up

[taesanluv3r]

latte art

kim leehan x reader

sort of love at first sight? barista!leehan improves his latte art just for his very first customer <3 those concept pics possessed me to write this hehe. super cutesy, i love u leehan! lowercase intended. pls excuse any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors! enjoyyyy

wc: 2,008

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

ding!

the bell above the door rang as it squeaked opened, alerting the handsome barista that was busy setting up his fancy coffee machines for the opening of his tiny café. kim leehan looked up, eyes widening at the figure that turned around to reveal itself- or rather, herself. the most beautiful girl the boy had ever seen in his entire life that would become his very first customer.

"uh...? hello?"

he must've been too into his head, not realizing that the pretty lady had moved from near the door over to stand right in front of him at the register. "huh? oh! hi! um...what can i- uh" he didn't ever expect to stutter this way- especially not when he had already went through every friendly barista greeting the night before this grand opening, but the boy couldn't help it. not when the very first person to enter the shop was this stupidly gorgeous stranger in front of him.

leehan sighs, "i'm so sorry...today's the opening of this place and you're the first customer so..." she giggles, "no worries...i get it" they share a smile. "would you totally hate me if i asked you to walk out and back in again so we can restart this?" he asks, smiling until his eyes formed crescent shapes. the girl laughs, "if you insist"

the scene replays all over again. this time, he was ready to greet her with a friendly smile as she re-entered the café. "hi there! welcome to kim's coffee. what can i get for ya?" the stranger couldn't stop the giggle from escaping her lips, finding the cute barista's sudden bubbly-ness amusing. "hm..." she begins, fingers against her chin as she looked up at the menu on the wall. "well...uh, leehan..." the girl trails off, learning his name from the tag pinned onto his apron. "what do you recommend?"

the way his name fell out naturally from her mouth sent about a gazillion butterflies to roam free in his stomach, a light pink blush brushing against his pale cheeks. "well uh..." he almost stuttered again from the sudden shyness but quickly straightened his back and regained his almost cocky confidence. "for a pretty girl like you...how 'bout our signature cappuccino? i could do some incredible latte art too" she widens her eyes, shocked by the compliment. "incredible latte art you say? i'll be the judge of that" leehan grins at her playful personality. "iced or hot?" he asks, beginning to click on the buttons displayed on the screen of the register. "hot, please"

"alright...one hot cappuccino for...?"

"yn!" - "one hot cappuccino for yn coming right up!"

yn nods, watching as he retreated to his coffee machines before she allowed herself to explore the café. it was a relatively small place- but the pretty blue paint on the walls made the space feel a little bigger. "you must be really into fishes..." she says, staring at the framed paintings of all kinds of sea-life and spotting the tank filled with fish over at the corner near the bathroom. the barista guy laughs, "yeah...if i weren't a barista i'd be underwater scuba-diving right now" she nods along with his words, finally taking a seat on one of the chairs at the bar-styled table, giving her the clearest view of the working boy.

"so why open a café?'' she asked, revealing to the boy her curious personality. "it's fun!" he says, his voice a little louder now to overpower the buzzing noise from the milk frother. "and..." he said, mindlessly pouring the fluffy milk into the coffee. "there's a possibility i get to meet pretty girls like you" she rolls her eyes at his comment, watching as he adds finishing touches to the coffee.

"et voila, one cappuccino for yn~ enjoy"

the girl chuckles lightly when he dramatically bows, placing the cup of coffee on the table right in front of her. his head that faces the floor lifts up quickly when he hears her breaking out into a fit of laughter. leehan looks up confused, eyebrows furrowing and head tilting off to the side. "so much for incredible latte art..." yn says, still in between catching her breath. he's still confused, but one look down at his creation was enough to understand the girl's reaction.

"ah..." the boy sighs, looking disappointingly at the lame excuse for latte art he had poured into the cup. "i mean what were you going for here? a...an alien?!" the girl exclaimed, causing herself to giggle all over again. he rolls his eyes playfully, "i was actually going for a rose...but i see where you got alien from..." he clicks his tongue, "guess that's something i still need to work on" yn agrees with him, "but try it, as long as it tastes good..." he watches in anticipation as the girl brings the cup to her lips, blowing on the hot beverage slightly before taking a sip. her eyes widen, "oh my god..." leehan is nervous, "what? is it bad?" she shakes her head hastily. "no, no! not at all! this is the best cappuccino i've ever had ever! like seriously"

yn's comments make him sigh in relief, pressing a hand over his chest. "oh thank god...i thought you were gonna bully me like you did my latte art" she laughs, "it wasn't bullying...think of it as harsh feedback!" the sweet smile on her face contradicted the sharp words that she said, it intrigued the barista boy...there was something about her he just seemed to really like- apart from how pretty she was.

a couple minutes went by and soon the cup of coffee was empty. "thank you for the yummy coffee, how much do i owe you?" yn asks, rummaging through her purse in search of her wallet. leehan shook his head, "no! in honor of being my first customer, it's on me" she furrowed her eyebrows, "don't be silly! c'mon give me a price" but he only shook his head once more, "nope! think of it as compensation...for the underwhelming latte art" she sighs, giving up on arguing with the handsome barista. ''if you come again tomorrow though, i'll let you pay~" his smile made her insides melt like chocolate, and she sighs. "sounds good..." she trails off, beginning to get off the chair and closer to the exit. before she leaves she turns to look at him once more.

"better show me that incredible latte art you keep boasting about though!" he laughs, "trust me...i'll be up all night perfecting it...just for you"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

sure enough, the barista boy kept his word. the next morning rolled around and the boy begins to tiredly opened up his shop. slight dark circles evident under his eyes from the sleepless night he spent frothing milk at home and endlessly pouring them into cups of coffee. with a little more trial and error, and about a dozen more cappuccinos later, he finally perfected the art. the girl kept her promise as well, waking up bright and early so she could get dressed and head straight to the brand new coffee shop.

ding!

a feeling of deja vu washed over him at the familiar noise of the doorbell. "look who it is!" leehan cheered, clapping his hands together as the girl he was expecting entered the shop. yn smiled, "i expect you have perfected that latte art?" he nods, "well i promised you, didn't i?" she giggles, "ah yes...if i recall...just for me, right?" the girl teased, repeating the pretty words he had told her the other day. the boy blushes softly, scratching the back of his head.

"why don't you take a seat? one hot cappuccino with incredible latte art for the beautiful yn, coming right up!"

just like the previous day, the girl sits at the bar. patiently waiting for the barista to do his job. this time she notices the droplet of sweat that formed to the side of his forehead, his eyes narrowed like a hawk as he stared at the liquid he was pouring into the cup. "wait!" he suddenly says, frantically stopping himself and turning to his one and only customer. "what?" she asked, just as frantic as he was. "can you like not look at me while i do this...it makes me nervous" yn opens her mouth in shock, rolling her eyes once before she turned around in her seat, her back now facing him.

"okay..." she heard him whisper to himself, assuming he had finally begun pouring the frothed milk into a design on her coffee. then the girl hears him let out a breath, followed by his footsteps and a clink of a cup meeting the surface of the bar-like table. leehan clears his throat before beginning to speak.

"a hot cappuccino with improved latte art, for one pretty lady"

yn took his words as a signal to turn back around. honestly the girl had kept her expectations low, not really believing that anyone could perfect such art overnight. however, a look of pure surprise washed over her complexion as the cup of coffee came into sight. it was perfect. the foam in a clear rose shape, totally different from the alien-looking image she saw just the other day.

"what did i tell ya? perfect, right?" leehan grins widely, overly proud of his professional talent. he watches in amusement as his customer nods, "wow...this is amazing, leehan!" yn exclaims, pulling out her phone from her bag and snapping a couple pictures before she had to ruin it to drink. "and..." she begins, taking a sip out of the drink. "still delicious!" the barista smiles happily at her satisfaction.

"no but seriously, how did you manage to perfect it overnight?! you a wizard or something?" yn asks, editing the picture she had taken so she could upload it on her instagram story. leehan giggles, listening to her talk as he cleaned up his station in case other customers began showing up. "i'm starting to think you've always been good and just messed it up yesterday on purpose so you could get me to come back here" she states, making up scenarios for the boy's sudden perfection. he turns to her with a smirk, "and what if i did?" his teasing question makes her ponder for a moment before she displayed a similar smirk on her lips.

"well then it worked, didn't it?"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"so how much do i owe you? you promised i could pay if i came back today" yn spoke, her wallet already prepared in the palm of her hand. "fine, it's $4.99" leehan says, pressing on a couple buttons on the screen. "okay, here...sorry, i don't have any small change right now" the girl pouted, handing him a $20 bill. "no worries..." he replied, opening up the cash register to collect her change. "oh shit....looks like there is a worry, i don't have change either..." the girl's eyes widen, "oh no!" she frowns, "what should we do?" they both look up for a minute, trying to come up with a solution. she could tell he thought of something when a cheeky grin takes over his face.

"say..." leehan begins, handing the $20 bill back to her. "you keep this...and you can just give me your number instead! pay me for the coffee at our date this weekend" the barista's sneaky solution surprises her once again. yn rolls her eyes, "now i'm really convinced that everything you do is a rouse to see me again" but her actions contradict the uninterested tone of her voice as she steals the pen from the pocket of his apron, grabbing a piece of tissue and beginning to jot down her digits.

"there...you better call me" he nods happily as he retrieves the tissue from her hands. "i promise, and you know i always keep my word" she giggles, "just for me though, right?" yn asks one last time before making her way over to the door. and right before she leaves leehan replies,

"just for you"

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

AAAAAAH i loved writing this fic sm :3 also i luv barista leehan LIKE THOSE PICS FROM YESTERDAY #needthat 🤤 also cant wait for this comeback heehehsgegehhe i hope u guys liked this! reblogs and feedback r greatly appreciated as always. tysm for reading! love, kona.

[itsmeatballworld]

| silence in the library |

pairing | boyfriend!daryl dixon x f!reader

summary | when searching through Alexandria’s local library, Daryl decides to take advantage of his moment alone with you.

wc | 2k

warning | SMUT so 18+ only! p in v (wrap it irl), mutual masturbation, praise kink, etc. it’s smutty lol

a/n | thank you to my lovelies @weretheones @devnmon @ivuravix @finalgirlrick​ @normanplusdaryl​ @spncupcake​ for beta reading my mess <3 ily!!!

MDNI banner from @/cafekitsune

“Higher.”

He grunted as his hands slid past your knees.

You wiggle forward, but it was pointless. “Just a bit higher, Daryl.”

He adjusts his grip on your legs again.

“Okay, now hold it there.”

Right there. With all your strength, you reached out.

“Got it!” Your fingers wrapped around the leather spine, cradling it close to your chest. The book was dusty but just the one you’ve been looking for.

Daryl tightened his grip, “alright?”

“Yeah,” you replied. “Just don’t drop me, baby.”

“Nah. Never.”

You dipped your head, staring down at your dark-haired boyfriend. Straddling his shoulders was the only way you’d be able to reach the selves without a ladder. Plus, it was fun. Why spend time searching for a ladder when you had him standing next to you?

After your feet touch the ground, the leather-bound book drops to the table.

“This was the last one.” You admired each of the old and new books, quickly organizing them into piles. “I think we’ve got enough.”

“Good,” he steps closer to examine the stack of novels. He leans into your side, sliding his arm around your waist. His muscles tighten as he pulls you back against his broad chest.

“We really need those too?”

He pointed down to a set of old farmer almanac books.

“It’s on the list,” you murmur between flipping pages. “Take it up with Michonne.”

When you and Daryl signed up for the run, Michonne gave you a list of books they needed to plan the community gardens. There were hopes these works would still be available, considering agricultural books weren't always flying off the shelves compared to other genres.

Old English Farming Book. Mini-Farming. All filled with self-sustaining concepts to produce crops and allow people to thrive beyond consumerism. And with thanks to you and Daryl, you managed to gather enough readings on the list.

“Pussy…willow?”

“It’s a type of flower.” You rolled your eyes but couldn't fight the stupid smirk on your face. “Are you reading over my shoulder?”

“Mhm.” His hand pressed into the curve of your side.

The local library was smaller than the others around Alexandria, which made it much easier to search. This room was set back off the main floor, tucked behind rows and rows of dark wooden shelves stacked with books. Even at the end of the world, you didn't dare ruin the librarian’s methodical arrangements.

With one arm keeping you close enough to feel his chest rise and fall, Daryl’s other hand settled on your shoulder. He started kneading at your tight muscles, digging his rough fingers into your skin a bit more each time.

You scanned the pages of the book, but nothing stuck. Each word you read seemed to drift off the paper and into thin air, vanishing from your mind. Sentences started and stopped without meaning. Restarting the page didn’t change where his hands were and what you wanted him to do with them.

His fingers were gentle yet strong. All you could think about was how he circled and dug in. Again and again.

“Daryl.”

You tried to ignore how he responded to your voice. His fingers spread out, then he palmed at the muscle.

Daryl wasn’t direct when he wanted something. But when he wanted you, he gave noticeable hints. First, he’d find a way to twist himself against you or wind his hands under your shirt. It was always light but obvious contact.

And with him there was always a time and place for intimate moments. Daryl wasn't the kind of guy to grab you and fuck you without a plan. He liked the comfort of your bedroom. He liked the opportunity to be close and confined with you.

He wanted time to worship you, feel you, pleasure you–without the risk of the dead or living invading the rare moments he gets you all to himself. But today was different. There was something in the way his eyes lingered on you. How every time he stepped into your space, his hands would find themselves on your skin.

You cleared your throat, trying and failing to curve the fluttery feeling in your belly. He was your boyfriend but you hated getting distracted. Especially on a run.

“It… uh, it says we should be able to grow beets and squash too. Maybe if we can find some okra seeds, we can plant those next to the tomatoes–”

“Mhm.”

You glanced over your shoulder. He was not reading with you anymore.

“Are you just gonna stare at me all day?”

“I’m thinkin’ bout other things.” His hands slid down before finding the clasp of your belt. Daryl’s thumb hooks your belt loop as his big hand splayed out across the front of your jeans.

Still watching him, you flipped a page in the book. That page turn sparked something behind those deep blue eyes. He dropped his chin so his lips were inches from yours.

“Put the book down,” he grumbled. A sly smile crossed his face as he dipped lower. “Help me get these pants off.”

Like something magnetic tugged you together, his lips caught yours. Chests were flush against one another as Daryl hoisted you up and onto the table. Your back jammed into a book edge but Daryl was already clearing the space.

He was quick to slip each piece of clothing off that was necessary, leaving only your bra clasped to your chest.

Spread out for him like this was exciting. He hungrily watched you as the pile of clothes grew beneath his feet. Yet he was still dressed. So you squirmed, reaching for his belt –

He stopped you.

“Stay still.”

“But I wanna make you feel good,” you murmur.

With one hand he undid his buckle and tossed it to the side. “Nah, that’s my job.”

His hunger for you was avid and obvious from the bulge in his boxers. But when he lowered his mouth to your exposed pussy, it was even clearer.

There was something so powerful about him when he was between your legs. He had an unbreakable hold on you that made your head spin. His tongue was dangerously good at this and he knew it. It wasn't very hard to get you close when he went down on you.

He was gentle yet rough as he took his time to work your pussy. He licked your sensitive clit with broad strokes, then tighter circles, making you see stars. You shut your eyes, twisting your fingers through his hair as he lapped at your core.

You gasp, “Fuck–Daryl.”

That pattern was magical.

His mouth sucked and licked as you buck up against him. His hands slowly moved closer to your breasts, squeezing you through the fabric. You gasped, wishing the constant pleasure would both end and never stop. Almost like he heard you, Daryl moved.

“Hold on,” he pants.

A cold chill tickled your skin where he slipped away, which had your hands reaching to pull him back. But when your eyes rested on him, you stopped.

Taking himself in his hands, he stroked his throbbing cock. He ran his thumb across his swollen tip, working the shaft in tight circles.

“Touch ‘ur self.”

Hesitant, you sat up onto your elbows. Daryl rolled fist and pumped himself, struggling to quiet his moans.

“Now?”

Ignoring your question, he continued to pump himself. There was something so sinfully hot about watching him jerk himself off. Your fingers slip past your stomach to your pussy, gently finding the swollen and sensitive spot he’d been deliberately stimulating.

He was aching, twisting and pumping himself slow then fast. He couldn't help himself from muttering praising words about how good he felt and how good you were doing.

That’s my girl.

Faster.

Just–uh–like that.

Every single word kept you going. His voice was gruff and scratchy as he praised you. So you returned the favor.

You like that?

God, you feel so good.

You’re so big.

Coaxing you closer and closer, each moan was stifled by your own will. But it was getting harder to wait. Watching him above you working himself raw was starting to make you crazy. You bucked up, fighting the urge to give in before he did.

“Oh god,” you gasp as you rub and circle your swollen clit.

“My girl,” he whined. “Fuckin’ sexy.”

It took all your strength to stop. You sat up, hooking your legs around Daryl to pull him back to you. “Inside me.” Everything sounded like a plea, as if you’d implode without his touch. “Inside. Me. Now.”

Daryl didn’t think twice. He leaned over you once more and thrusted his slick, aching cock inside you to finish.

“‘s my girl,” he grunts. “Like that?” His hips rut into you again as he grabs hold of your ankles.

Yes. Each thrust was deep and mind-numbing. Your hands cling to his vest in an attempt to hold yourself steady. He pushed your legs closer to your chest as he cradled your ankles, making himself sink deeper. A cry escapes your lips as his pace slows with the angle shift, dragging his cock in and out in short yet deep strokes.

Words seemed lost on your tongue. Yes. Yes, oh god, yes. But all that you could muster were earth shattering moans.

Waves of heat and pleasure that built up for so long came crashing down with haste. Moans were the least of your sounds. Desperation to ride out your high fueled your own movements as his hips rocked against you. You were pulsating around him, tightening and releasing without thinking anymore when he came. It was hot and fast, leaving Daryl grunting as he tightened his grip on you.

There, in the final moment of pure ecstasy, he lowered your legs and pulled you in close. Your lips met before Daryl breathed into your neck. “Ain’t yah… supposed to be quiet in these places?”

Through hot and ragged breaths, an exasperated chuckle left your lips. “Technically.”

“Shit.” He put his boxers back on and passed your jacket. “Sounded better with us in ‘ere.”

Clothes were still piled below in random stacks. Each piece was handed out quickly as it was getting late.  

You lowered yourself onto the dusty rug and slipped on your pants. But like the unspoken gentleman he is, your boyfriend helps you dress, winding your belt back through its loops.

“I can do that,” you murmured.

“Nah. I got it.”

Even now, you couldn't help but smile. Daryl was rough around the edges, but beyond the rough exterior was a sweet soul.

There was a softness to his touch that drove you wild. He cared about every inch of you and did his best to show you. Taking care of you in the smallest, silliest ways was important.

But you could dream about him later when these books were dropped off. After finishing with the clothes, each of you grabbed a stack of books. As you meandered through the library one last time, you strangely wanted to stay here.

In your own world, in this silly little bubble beside shelves of agricultural books. It was a haven.

Near the lobby, you were inches from the door when he stopped.

“Hold up.” Daryl drops the stack of books, hopping over the main counter. He scanned the table, shoving things around until a crooked smile pulled at his lips.

“‘Ey. Hand ‘em over.”

Curious, you place your stack down next to his and watch as he lifts a stamp. Property of Alexandria Public Library. Each bookcard was marked before he joined you again.

You smirked, “having fun?”

“Mm-hm.” With his free arm, he circled you close to his chest. Daryl kissed your temple before shouldering the front door open.

“Pop the trunk.”

The door shut behind you with a thump.

“That was fun.”

“Wanna go again later?”

With a mischievous smile, it was finally time to head home.

><<>><

><<>><

[being-addie]

Rest Days

It's currently peak summer where I live, and it is SWELTERING. While I'm planning to be as productive as possible (I'm not kidding my sketchbook is with me 24/7 at this point), thanks to the heat, I'm finding it really hard to stay focused sometimes. So when I'm feeling particularly lazy, or just distracted I take a rest day. I feel like I can afford this right now more often because it's the holidays, but when my classes restart in June I won't be able to even sit down.

ANYWAYS. Here's what I'm currently doing during an easy rest day. Maybe you can take some inspiration <3

My rest days:

Sleep in: I sleep until it's nearly 7:30 - 8:00 am. It's late for me because usually, I wake up at 6:00 am

Move around: If it's cloudy, I'll go for a walk, otherwise, I'll cycle to the gym.

Breakfast: I usually have this thing, where I saute some veggies, scramble eggs, and cook savoury oatmeal, then mix it all together. It's healthy and filling and it's amazing with barbeque sauce. If I'm craving something sweet, I make banana-oat pancakes (which taste and look so much better than regular pancakes I swear)

Sit in the sun: It's morning, and the sun isn't harsh, so I sit in the balcony with my cold coffee and chat with my mom as I soak up that Vitamin D

Watch a little TV: I'll watch like 2 episodes of the show I'm invested in (I'm watching Big Bang Theory)

Get ready: Take my sweet time bathing, doing my hair and getting dressed.

Sketch: So this is both productive and relaxing for me, so I'll pull up Pinterest and do some practice or I'll go to a cafe and do a live study.

Do a little crafting: Ok so this is my therapy. I'm not joking. I put on some Lana Del Rey, and make a mess of my desk. I love making little handmade gifts for family (I just made this insane exploding box thing for Mother's Day lol) or making paper crafts. I'm learning how to crochet as well. Highly recommend it. Put in your earphones, get your scissors out and start making something. Doesn't have to be pretty, just keep going.

Watch the sunset: My gallery is so full of pictures, I don't have any room for anything at this point. 85% is just sunset pictures.

Evening: I just eat dinner with my sister and grandpa, and then we like to sing and dance as I load the dishwasher and she cleans the table.

Read: After chores are done, I read on my tablet for a while.

Sleep: Bedtime skincare and lights off at 10:30.

I've actually done this in way more detail than I thought haha, but this is basically a way more relaxed version of my daily routine, just no studying?? But yeah here it is.

Understand that rest days are required. You do not have to constantly work. Humans are meant to socialise and have fun, as well as work. We aren't worker ants or bees. Relax, and remember to breathe. Everything will be ok. xoxo.

<3

[silverskye13]

I absolutely adore your writing style. You've mentioned being inspired by authors. Care to share which ones and/or some books you'd strongly recommend? I'm in a but of lurch on books I want to read right now and your writing style really scratches a certain itch so finding something similar would be lovely

I've answered this question a couple of times but! I will always answer again. I read a lot of books :3

I will warn you, I read a lot of epic/high fantasy. If that's not your thing, you probably won't like a lot of my recs, whoops.

This got really long I apologize. Once again. I read a lot.

T. Kingfisher

In my opinion, anything written by her is a win. Her World of the White Rat series of books are by far my favorite [Clocktaur Wars, Saint of Steel series, Swordheart], but she also writes very good horror, and her Sworn Soldier books are kickass.

She is a major inspiration for my writing style, especially internal thoughts and sense of humor. I try to emulate her way of having fantastic characters think and act on mundane things [i.e. a scary paladin man who gushes about knitting].

Blanket warning that all of her Temple of the White Rat books are romantasy, rated E for explicit. But as someone who normally hates [or just doesn't get / enjoy romance books] I still recommend them. The world is rich, some of them have intense horror and suspense moments, and the characters all have amazing dynamics and chemistry.

My favorites by her are: Paladin's Strength, Paladin's Faith, and What Moves the Dead

Nicholas Eames

Still on the style inspiration train. I really sat down and studied his use of description and character voice shortly before writing Redstone and Skulk. If you like how I handle descriptions, planting and worldbuilding, I recommend reading his work. I do a yearly reread of Kings of the Wyld, and while I didn't like Bloody Rose as much, it does an awesome breakdown of problematic heroes.

These books are rated R, for graphic depictions of violence and some pretty raunchy humor/language. The first book Kings of the Wyld has very light romance [unless you count Clay Cooper increasingly thinking about how awesome his wife is, or the group's barbarian falling in love with an avenging angel], but Bloody Rose does have a lesbian bard main character who falls in love with a kickass tattoo witch. I love them, your honor.

Terry Pratchett

I mean, yeah, everyone recommends Terry Pratchett, and if they don't, it's because they haven't read his books in a while and forgot to recommend him. I really like his Death books, and the Samuel Vimes books. For the standalones in Discworld, I also really, really liked Small Gods and Monstrous Regiment. If you like my style of optimistic storytelling [no matter how dark, there is always a happy ending] read his books. And if you like RnS's existentialism, the idea of struggling with, and against, death, read Morte and Reaper Man. Especially Reaper Man.

The Ranger's Apprentice Series by Jonathan Langan

YA fantasy at its finest! If you like how I handle character dynamics and ride-or-die friendships, you will like these books. I was reading these books a lot when I started really really writing in high school, and I didn't realize just how much they inspired my writing style until I reread them last year. Rated PG, maybe PG-13 in the later books when the characters are older and the stakes are a little higher. It's a fun low fantasy world set in Basically England, and it's just. Nice. Will and Horace are so dear to me.

Also apparently he is restarting? The series? Rebooting? New protagonists. I haven't read any of them yet but I am looking very interestedly.

--------------

More books in no particular order that I am recommending you read because I love them:

---------------

House of Open Wounds by Adrian Tchaikovsky

High fantasy, PG-13, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Religious Persecution, Fantasy Nazis

This is the second book in a series, but I couldn't get into the first book and only read this one, whoops. This book basically poses the question: what if Small Gods by Terry Pratchett, but the last man on earth who believes in God isn't as nice, and has some major character flaws, and also doesn't like God. Also also, what if this was set in Fantasy World War 2, and he was forced to work for the Nazis. This book is very grim, and focuses on a medical unit during Magical World War 2. There are a lot of wound descriptions and war crimes. But it made me feel a lot of things, and I was genuinely upset one of the characters stayed evil at the end of the book. There is no Good and Evil in this story, only Evil and Morally Gray. If that isn't your thing, give it a pass, and I mean that. There are Themes here that are made to make you uncomfy. But there is also found family, and some really strong questions about religion and morals, and the book really makes you Think about the character decisions. I liked it a lot.

The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett

High fantasy mystery thriller, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Language

Oh it's good. It's so good. Holmes and Watson style mystery in a world where everyone has biological mutations and enhancements powered by Kaiju that rise up every year to try and murder everyone. It's really cool. I was hooked from beginning to end. The main character is amazing, with hilarious deadpan humor, and his Holmes is an eccentric autistic woman with zero filter. The "Rated R for Language" above is 98% because of her.

[Note: I'm not an authority on good autistic representation, but I feel like she stands out as really well done. It makes more sense in the context of the novel, but she's created a space for herself where things like noise/light sensitivity are used to her advantage, hyperfixations are portrayed both as useful to her craft in research and a hazard to the people she's interrogating, and she has managed to trick half the cast into thinking her "quirks" are because of augmentations she doesn't have. It was a really cool and original way of putting autism into a character without infantilizing or "unfeeling logical machine"-ing them in the process. If that's something you've been looking for representation-wise, I think this is worth checking out.]

Aside aside, the world building is cool. The characters are cool. They mystery makes sense. I just. I can't talk about this book too much or I'll tell you the whole story. I get too excited.

Aliens: Phalanx by Scott Sigler

Sci-fi horror, PG-13, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Language

Ever wanted to get into the Aliens franchise but thought the sci-fi was a little much? Ever wanted to know how medieval peasants would handle a xenomorph invasion? Do I have the book for you!

This book is sci-fi horror that takes a turn for the vengeful at the end. Made me feel a lot of things. Got really emotional over some of the character deaths. But when the characters win, they win big, and their achievements feel weighty. You really get the sense of human tenacity clawing life back from the jaws of post-apocalypse. And also? Xenomorphs? Cool? If you've seen the movies, you'll really appreciate how this book takes the conventional tropes and spins them. And if you haven't, the story attacks them in an original way that explains it to the uninitiated. If you know nothing about the movies you will still know what's going on.

Penric's Demon by Lois McMaster Bujold

Fantasy adventure, PG-13, Minor depictions of violence, mystery/puzzle elements

Fun books? Fun books. Ever wondered what would happen if an uninitiated, but very kind and sweet 18 year old boy was possessed by an ancient demon with a great sense of humor and near limitless power? Now you know! Penric and his demon Desdemona have fantastic rapport, and every book in the series just further cements how awesome their relationship is. Fast little reads in a great little universe. And the gods are cool.

The Traitor Son Cycle by Miles Cameron

Epic fantasy, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, major and minor character death, sexual themes, language

Gritty realistic knights -- fighting very unrealistic magical creatures. They're outmatched, but not out skilled! Especially with the Red Knight leading the way. These books had just, an awesome way of drawing me in. Cool world, interesting if flawed characters, and a growth arc that turns an entire company of criminals and mercenaries into basically paladins. Plus there is an awesome overarching plot involving god-like dragons and angels.

The only downsides to this series is there are a lot of characters and POVs, and the author is not afraid to kill them off at a moment's notice. Characters you've grown to love over three books will be killed off screen when a monster took flight, or a boglin hoard swarmed the front lines. I won't finish the final book in the series because I will be uh, incredibly pissed if one of my favorite characters dies, and I'm getting the vibes she probably will >:/

Alas, this is the nature of grim-dark fantasy.

Cameron has written other books under different pseudonyms, but to date this series is the only one that's really sunk its teeth in me.

Covenant of Steel Trilogy by Anthony Ryan

Low Fantasy, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major and minor character death, religious persecution, language, sexual assault

What happens when a criminal's entire crew is slaughtered for their crimes, and the only survivor turns into a religious zealot? No wait come back it's good I promise! The Pariah starts pretty grim and heavy. We reach our character's emotional low point about a third of the way through the first book, but what blooms from that is a slow burn about faith, and the danger of a Saint who gets to build her own radicalozed morality, rising on the tide of her faithful followers. It is all told in memoir format by the main character, before the final chapters where we get a sense of his here and now, which is a format that Ryan loves writing in [his Bloodsong series does this as well, and while that series is good, it's clear every fumble he made writing that he tried to fix writing CoS]. If I had to really pin this book down, I would have to say it's the story of Joan of Arc if she had actually succeeded in her crusades, and how dangerous she would have been because of the blindness of her followers and her own feelings of personal holiness. The main character even falls for her charms, heck, I as a reader fell for her charms. It was only after she started massacring "heretics" that I started to go, "Wait a fucking second, she's the antagonist???" If you like really intense stories about how insidious the side of "good" can be, and the terrors of religion, and just the epic slow burn of that building up and breaking down, give this a read. However, this is a very dark series. Read with caution and care. By the end I was very burnt out on all the death and atrocity.

Cold Storage by David Koepp

Thriller/horror, PG-13, Depictions of Violence, Fungi-based body horror, Language

Not nearly as intense of the last rec! Cold Storage is the story of a mutated mold spore that works just like that stuff that makes ants do weird things -- but to people! Oh and also it's about some really funny main characters that don't know it exists, even though it's growing right below their feet. A lighter read that will give you some good scares, and a pair of characters you're desperately rooting for. I love it :3 it's a fun romp. Mind the exploding deer.

Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

Sci-fi, PG-13, Depictions of Violence, Language

Another fun romp! Murderbot is a security unit made to protect humans -- and it's hacked its programming and just wants to sit down and watch TV all day. Unfortunately, humans are very good at getting themselves killed, and SOMEONE has to keep them safe. At least Murderbot is programmed to do it correctly.

This story starts as fun sci-fi, and as the books progress, really breaks down the lines between human sentience and... Well, any other sentience. It asks hard questions about whether something Must be human in order to be accepted in a society, and how badly we as people want to fit everything into understandable boxes -- even if the things we want to understand don't fucking like it, thank you very much! There's a lot of fun action, a lot of characters that have really won my heart, and, man, I just want Murderbot to be happy.

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

High fantasy, R, graphic depictions of violence, sexual assault, language, major character death

A thief accosts a knight on the road -- and ends up going on a road trip with her filled with witches, monsters, giant corvids, man-eating goblins, giants, and more! All to save a princess. This book really grew on me when I read it a second time. The magic system is cool, the world building is stellar, the goblins and giants are fucking scary. The character has a dirty mouth and his humor runs to the toilet a lot, so keep that in mind. This is by far the lightest and funniest book Buehlman has ever written though, so if you like it, brace yourself for grim dark if you read the rest of his work. Especially if you read Between Two Fires.

There's my book recs! Have fun!

[ckret2]

The most unpleasant breakfast.

I feel like this picture is a perfect summary of the fic so far.

Chapter 5 of The Pines Capture Human Bill Cipher But Can't Tell Anybody Because They Don't Know Whether Killing Him Will Restart Weirdmageddon (title TBD). Masterpost here. Updated 8/7/2024 for TBOB compatibility!

####

The group asking for a seat at the truck stop diner was an odd sight: three adult men; two children; and then one disheveled barefoot lunatic in a cartoon pony toga, handcuffs, a chain restricting one arm, and the dirt-smeared remains of a butterfly marker mask. But truckers and odd sights were the only things you saw at 3 a.m. in a Roadkill County truck stop that was old enough to still have functioning pay phones, and the handcuffed guest wasn't blinking SOS in Morse code, so the weary party was escorted to the round corner booth without question. They sandwiched Bill between Soos and Stan and silently awaited their menus.

"Hey, I'm Dani, I'll be taking care of you tonight." A waitress passed out menus to the group, hesitated uncertainly with a couple of paper kids' menus in front of Dipper and Mabel, and handed them over when Mabel made grabby hands for the accompanying four-pack of crayons. "Can I start you off with some coffee, or...?" Dani's gaze fell on Bill and her face lit up. "Oh, hey! Toga Lady! Hi!"

Bill gave her a puzzled smile and raised brows. "Hello?"

"Oh, yeah dude!" Soos laughed. "Wendy got a picture of you the last time you came by. You're totally a local meme now."

"Okay, I've gotta know." The waitress gestured at Bill's ensemble with her pen. "What's your story?"

"Well—" Bill opened his mouth, and froze; and the whole table went still as they simultaneously had the same realization.

If anybody revealed Bill's identity, in Gravity Falls, the epicenter of Weirdmageddon, they'd have a mob on their hands. At worst the town would rip Bill to shreds, and at best they'd throw him in a cell so they could schedule his shredding for a pleasant Saturday afternoon when more people could watch.

Bill couldn't risk the possibility that he'd die for good, and the humans couldn't risk the possibility that he'd be re-released as a triangle.

None of them could reveal anything.

And all of them knew it.

"Party," Bill said. Warming to the cover story, he went on: "This is my party uniform. A little anachronistic, but what can I say? There's nothing I like better than being the center of attention at a wild party!" He cast a sideways glance toward the Stan twins. "Until the fun police break it up."

Ford grumbled, "Partying wasn't the problem. You were going to burn down the town."

"You get so worked up over a little bonfire, sheesh." Bill rolled his eyes, leaned toward the waitress, and said, "These geek types, I tell you. Some people wouldn't recognize a good time if it appeared to them in a divine vision."

"Maybe if I ever had a divine vision..."

Bill shot Ford a dirty look. They quickly broke off their mutual glare, conscious of Dani curiously watching, and Bill breezily explained, "He had a bad trip and still blames me for it."

Dani laughed. "You're crazy! What's your real name, Toga Lady?"

Bill hesitated. "Guess!"

"What?"

"Guess! It's a game. You guess mine, I'll guess yours."

She looked down at her name tag. "I already told you my name's Dani."

"But did you tell me it's Danielle Miranda?"

Her eyebrows shot up.

Bill beamed. "I'll give you three guesses! While you're thinking about that, could we get a round of coffee, and... do you serve anything more toxic than mildly spoiled apple juice? No? Just coffee."

"And a chocolate shake," Mabel threw in.

Bill's eyes lit up. "Make that two."

Stan snapped, "I am not paying for you to get a chocolate shake." Bill sighed.

Once the waitress was gone, Bill said, "Trauma still disrupts humans' long-term memories, right? Have the locals forgotten my name yet?"

"Yeah, no, everyone remembers," Soos said. "I know two different Williams that got their names legally changed."

Bill groaned. "Great. Terrific! Fine. I don't even care. My last pseudonym was getting stale anyway, it's about time I find a new one. Do I look like a Silas?"

The others stared at him. Stan said, "What?"

"A Silas, do I look like my name could be Silas."

"Sure, that sounds stupid enough for you."

Bill shot Stan a dirty look. "Fine, you try. I've spent the last couple of days getting killed, tortured, drugged, beaten, and starved—"

"Whoa, wait," Soos said, "you've been what?"

—so all I'm coming up with is 'Not-Bill' and 'the letter A.' Somebody else think of something."

Stan let out a loud sigh. "Who cares? Bob."

"No."

"Will."

"No, and you sound stupid."

"Hey—!"

Ignoring Stan's irritation, Bill looked around the table. "Anyone else?"

The others at the table considered the question. Soos said, "Ferdinand. I think Ferdinand is way cool."

"Coming out of you, that's not the high recommendation you think it is, Questiony."

Soos winced. "Ouch."

"C'mon, give me something that sounds a little bit like me."

Dipper said, "Troy Angle?" Mabel laughed.

Bill didn't. "Troy again."

Ford ventured, "Xanthe?"

"Ha. Sure, just call me 'yellow hair,' why not. I like the direction you're thinking—"

Stan—whose barely-suppressed rage at this whole situation had been steadily building back up since Bill called him stupid—snapped, "Why are we looking for a name he'll like? Why does he get any say in this! I say we call him whatever he can pronounce through a mouthful of broken teeth! Because when I'm through with this sonovab—"

Bill blocked his view of Stan's threatening fist by holding up his menu. "But Stanley's got a point, I need a simple name. How many Americans know how to spell Ξανθή?"

"Get this stupid thing out of my—"

Mabel, who'd been mulling over the whole "yellow hair" idea, stood and slammed her hands on the table, interrupting the brewing argument. "GOLDILOCKS!"

Bill erupted into a peal of laughter that made the rest of the table flinch. His handcuffs clattered as he smacked his hands on the table and he leaned toward Mabel. "Yes yes YES! Perfect! Ha!" It was like a light switch had flipped on in Bill, re-energizing him, and suddenly he was brighter than he'd been since before his capture. "Funniest coincidence, I—well, forget it, you wouldn't get it." Eyes crinkling in genuine amusement, Bill said, "But I like you, kid. You're the one with the fun ideas!"

Mabel blinked in surprise, any pleasure at the unexpected compliment dampened by the knowledge that being liked by Bill was never a good thing. "Oh. Yep," she said flatly. "Fun's my thing."

Miffed, Dipper said, "Hey, I made a pun."

"I don't like puns."

Ford said, "If you'd please stop trying to win over my grand-niece with flattery..." but fell silent as Dani came back with drinks.

She passed coffee around, set a chocolate shake down for Mabel, set a second one down for Bill—"On the house"—and winked. "Is it Rumpelstiltskin?"

Bill cracked up again. "No, but give me three hours and a particle accelerator and I could teach you to spin straw into gold!"

"Worth a shot! Okay, is everyone ready to order?"

There was an awkward pause. Soos finally said, "Oh man, we all got to talking and completely forgot to look at the menu. Can you give us like five minutes?"

"Sure. Just wave when you're ready." 

The group steeled themselves to the task of picking a meal, which felt far too mundane for such a bizarre night. Dipper frowned at the paper kids' menu he'd been handed. "Hey, Soos. Can I look at your menu when you're done...?"

Wordlessly, Bill stole Dipper's menu and crayon box and slid over his adult menu.

"...Thanks."

Bill had already dumped out the crayons and started drawing triangles on the menu. "Don't mention it!"

By the time Dani returned, Bill had covered a quarter of the menu in tiny doodles of his own triangular face, reluctantly scratched them out after Soos pointed out he could get arrested for those, and covered half the rest in countless eyes. Soos ordered a burger, Stan ordered bacon and eggs, Ford ordered an omelet, Dipper ordered an omelet too not because Ford did but because it sounded good and maybe he wanted to try one okay that's all, Mabel ordered rainbow sprinkle chocolate pancakes, and Bill ordered a banana octopus pancake and a side of bacon "as floppy as you can make it" over Stan's objections to letting Bill get a side item.

"And raw bacon. Got it." Dani closed her notebook, gave Bill a considering look, and said, "Is it Blondie?"

"Ha! No! But you've been a good sport so I'll give you a hint! It's something in between your first two guesses."

"Huh..." Dani considered that a moment; then noticed Bill trying to pick up his shake with handcuffs on. "Do you... need help with those? I think the attached gas station's got bolt cutters."

Firmly, Ford said, "We've got bolt cutters at home." Bill gave Dani an apologetic shrug.

As soon as Dani was gone again, Ford leaned forward. "All right, Bill. If you're going to be in our house for who-knows-how-long, we need to establish some ground rules."

"Boy, do we ever," Bill said, with the confidence of somebody who assumed he'd have an equal say in deciding what the rules were.

Ford went on without acknowledging Bill. "For now, we can lock you back in the cellar—"

"Cellar's right under the gift shop," Stan pointed out. "I was thinking a storage closet. Just stuff him in there and pile a bunch of furniture in front of the door."

"You know, Stanley, I think that would be safer," Ford said, like he was trying to pretend he liked the idea based on safety rather than based on how satisfying it would be to make Bill as uncomfortable as possible. "Although I'm sure Bill knows he'll just be putting himself in danger if he makes enough noise to catch anyone's attention—so there's rule number one, no sounds. And once I've done some repairs, we can move him to the bunker..."

"No, I don't think so," Bill said. "I don't like that at all."

Coolly, Ford said, "Well, Bill, you're our prisoner, so we can do what we want, you don't get a say in it, and you don't have to like it. In fact, the more you dislike it, the more I think I do like it."

Stan laughed, elbowing Ford. "Took the words right out of my mouth."

Bill said, "But that's just the thing—I do get a say in it! I'm as worried as anyone else about what might happen if this body is killed. But there are fates worse than death. Like boredom, for instance! You know what I'm talking about, right?" He gave Mabel an appealing look.

She doggedly avoided making eye contact, slurping her shake.

Bill shrugged and returned his attention to Ford. "You know and I know you'll only keep me alive until you think of a way to kill me that I can't come back from—and that gives me an advantage. It means I've got nothing to lose. If I'm not living a life that's at least barely tolerable, then your only way to stop me from choosing death on my terms instead of your terms is by sticking me in an artificial coma." His smile stretched wider. "And are you really, really sure I don't know a way to kill myself in my sleep?"

Ford and Stan's scowls deepened the longer Bill spoke. Stan muttered to Ford, "It's not too late to take our chances killing him the old-fashioned way."

Ford shook his head. "What do you consider intolerable conditions."

"Being locked in a little cell with nowhere to stretch my legs, no entertainment, and no company. Abandon me in your bunker? I'll bash my skull in."

Bill declared this with such vehemence that it momentarily gave Ford pause; but he asked, "And if we lock you in the cellar?"

"Then I scream for help until someone calls the cops, and we all get to learn what they find more convincing: 'You've gotta believe me, this lady is secretly Bill Cipher in disguise,' or 'Help me, officer, these lunatics think I'm some kind of demon pyramid!'" Bill rolled his eyes. "I'm not asking for much. Just a little entertainment. Only enough to make this place more appealing than dying! A few rooms I can move freely in, the occasional conversation, a window or two I can look out of..."

"In other words," Ford said, "if we don't want you to do anything drastic, we need to give you a slight chance to escape."

"See, this is why you're the smart one!" Bill graced Ford with a brilliant smile. "And in return, you've bought yourselves time to look for a guaranteed way to finish me off. It'll be like a game: can you figure out how to get rid of me before I find a way out?"

"I stopped playing games with you a long time ago, Cipher."

Bill leaned across the table toward Ford, ignoring that he was at risk of shoving his elbow into Stan's chest and that the kids had started leaning over the table too as if they were prepared to lunge at Bill. "We never stopped playing. You just stopped having fun."

Their negotiations were interrupted by Dani's return. She distributed their meals, then said, "Okay, I've got two guesses. They're dumb, though."

"I'll allow it!"

"Rapunzel or Goldilocks."

"Hey, guess number four! Smart girl! Give her a nice tip, Stanley."

Stan grumbled, "Stop trying to spend my money."

Dani laughed. "You're joking!"

"No, really! Goldilocks!"

"No, no way. You're totally lying."

Studying her face to gauge how much of her skepticism was sincere, Bill amended himself, "Okay, okay, you're right—first name Goldie, last name Locke. Funny though, right?"

"I didn't think I'd get it. Goldilocks the Toga Lady. Ha! You guys enjoy your meals."

Once she was out of hearing range, Bill muttered, "Tabitha, I should have gone with Tabitha. That's a way more believable human name than Goldilocks. I could pull off a Tabitha."

Ford cleared his throat to catch Bill's attention. "All right, Bill, here's your situation. You're trapped within a small geographical radius and surrounded by enemies. You have no money, no identification, and no connections. The last time we saw you, you were pleading for rescue through a book—"

"'Pleading' is so pejorative! I was offering mutually beneficial deals, but you were too busy taping judgmental selfies in my book to—"

"—SO, wherever you came here from, you clearly can't go back there. And if you still have any powers at all, they're obviously dampened or we'd be dead by now. Your options are limited even if you do escape—so before you try, think how much less latitude we'll give you once we catch you."

"Sounds like somebody's about to agree to my terms."

Ford glanced at Stan, to see if he wanted to voice any objections; then Soos, as the current owner of the shack; then the kids, with a silent apology for what this would mean for their summer; and when no one protested, Ford said, "You'll stay in the main shack. You can go anywhere that isn't closed behind a door—that means the kitchen, the living room, the R&D room, and the attic. You don't get to enter any room behind a door without supervision. You don't get access to tools, poisons, or anything you could potentially use as a weapon. No phone, no computer, no borrowing anybody's cellular phones. I suppose there's no harm in letting you use the TV." He glanced around at the family. "Does that all sound agreeable?"

Nobody was thrilled with it, but nobody protested.

Bill said, "Question."

"What."

"How will disputes over what to watch on TV be resolved."

"Everybody in the house gets priority over you."

"You're being petty. We can't even vote on TV selections?"

"Fine, let's vote. Who's in favor of being petty and never letting Bill choose what to watch?"

Everyone but Bill raised a hand.

Bill laughed. "Okay, I walked into that! But I want books."

"Fine. You can have books."

"And writing materials."

"Under supervision only."

"Sheesh, paranoid. Okay. And a radio."

Ford considered that.

"Come on, you don't think I could get into trouble with a radio."

"You can use the record player."

"Nobody uses records anymore. I want a CD player."

"Fine. You can borrow a CD player."

"Fine." Satisfied, Bill picked up the maple syrup bottle and poured way too much on his pancakes.

Mabel cast a quick, envious glance at Bill's banana octopus. It had chocolate chip eyes and was way cuter than she'd expected.

Bill caught her glance, gave her sugary pile of sprinkles and chocolate an equally covetous look, and said, "Want to go half and half?"

She shoved her plate over. "Like you wouldn't believe!"

Dipper hissed, "Mabel," and Mabel flinched, guiltily glancing toward Ford to see if the Head Bill Cipher Expert had any objections to the pancake swap. Ford grimaced, but said nothing. Mabel had already agreed, Ford couldn't think of anything Bill could have done to an untampered-with plate of pancakes, and if Ford objected on principle he'd just end up making himself look like the bad guy—which he had a sneaking suspicion Bill would immediately pounce on.

Meanwhile, Bill certainly hadn't waited to see if Ford approved. He mercilessly sawed his mushy cephalopod in half, the swap was made before anyone could protest Mabel sharing her bounty of sugar with the worst person in the universe, and Bill gleefully added more maple syrup to his new source of sweet sensory overload. He scooped up a forkful of pancakes, stuck it in his eye, then jerked his head back at the pain and stared in confusion. He tried the other eye before he remembered his mouth.

Mabel played with the banana peel tentacles on her half-octopus. At Dipper's grimace, she said, "It's fine, he'll be fine! Octopuses grow back if you cut them in half."

Soos had worked through his burger like popcorn at a movie while he watched Ford and Bill's hostage negotiations. Now that the important decisions had been made and Soos was down to fries, he said, "So, how do we keep Bill out of all the other rooms? Am I gonna have to put locks on every door tomorrow? Because if we just say 'don't go there,' Bill will be like, 'okay,' and then do it anyway, you know?"

"Yeah, Stanford, how are you gonna keep me out of your rooms?" Bill was twirling a piece of bacon around his fork like spaghetti. "I hear I'm pretty sneaky." He stuck the fork in his eye again, flinched, and gave it a disappointed look.

"Well—" Ford glanced around to ensure no one was nearby, leaned closer to Bill, and lowered his voice. "I've actually got a clever idea about that."

Instantly intrigued, Bill leaned in closer. "Oh, do you?"

Like he was inviting Bill in to hear a secret, Ford reached past Stan to put a hand on Bill's shoulder—and said, "Amnesia Limina—"

"You—!" Bill tried to jerk out of Ford's grip, but was blocked by a wall of Soos. Soos caught on and grabbed Bill's wrists before he could shove Ford's hand away.

"—Stupidi Digiti—"

"I hate you."

"—Occultus Locus."

A bright red light flashed between Ford's fingers. Bill's eye twitched. He jerked out of Soos's grip and shrugged off Ford's hand. "When did you learn how to play dirty?"

Dipper had watched with such fascination that he hadn't even noticed a chunk of omelet fall off his fork into his lap. "Whoa, what was that?"

"A curse," Ford said. "Cast it on a door, and no one who interacts with it will know how to open it. Cast it on a person, however—and they'll forget how to open any door or window. We don't have to worry about locking Bill in if he doesn't know how to use a doorknob, do we?"

Bill asked, "What's a doorknob?"

Stan cracked up. Ford grinned at Dipper and gestured at Bill. See?

"Seriously, what's a doorknob? I know every word in the English language, I'd know if 'doorknob' was a word. Is it a wart? A kind of fungus?" Bill sighed irritably. "Where did you come up with that! I thought you forgot that curse years ago."

"I haven't forgotten anything you taught me," Ford said, clearly offended at the suggestion.

"No? Then why'd you waste all that time installing a retinal scanner on your lab door?" As it dawned on Bill that he no longer understood what retinal scanners had to do with the function of doors, he muttered to himself, "Why did he install a retinal scanner."

"I'm not a fool, I knew if I'd cursed the door you would have removed the curse as soon as you possessed me."

Bill laughed. "You idiot! Don't you know the curse can't be lifted by anyone but the person who placed it?"

"It. Can't?" Ford sat there, experiencing the unfamiliar sensation of being the student called on in class who'd read the wrong pages instead of the assignment, even though in his heart he was sure Bill must not have taught him that part of the spell. "What if that person dies?"

"Responsibility for the curse passes to the next of kin! Lucky for you, or this fork would already be in your throat—although I haven't completely ruled that out. Maybe one of your family will be more reasonable about the situation than you."

The rest of the table loudly assured Bill that they would not be more reasonable. Ford gestured toward them. "I don't think so. None of us are foolish enough to fall for your tricks anymore. You aren't going anywhere until we say so."

Bill ignored the rest of the table, gaze fixed on Ford. "Don't be so sure, Stanford Pines. You aren't the first cocky mortal to hold me and you won't be the last! I'll get out of here, and when I do—oh-ho-ho, I'll make you regret every single timeyou ever thought of crossing me."

Ford raised a brow. "I 'won't be the last'?" Stan laughed again, elbowing Ford. Bill cringed, face heating up.

The kids grinned. "Wow, Bill," Dipper said. "Pretty big of you to admit what a loser you are."

Bill rounded furiously on Dipper. "I'll show you a loser—" He lunged across the table toward him.

"Hey!"

"Get over here, you—"

"Everything good so far?" Dani asked.

The table froze. Bill had a fist curled in Dipper's vest, Soos had an arm around Bill's chest, Stan had his hands around Bill's throat, Ford was pointing a knife at Bill's face, and Mabel was prepared to bite Bill's wrist.

Bill slowly let go of Dipper. He gave Dani a thumbs up. "Everything tastes fantastic!"

"Great!" Dani moved on.

The guys slowly let go of Bill and sat back. Mabel gently bit Bill's arm to ensure he knew she meant business.

He didn't even acknowledge her. He'd fixed his glower on Ford again; and when Ford met his look, Bill pursed his lips and spat a thick, milkshaky wad of phlegm onto Ford's omelet.

Stan rounded on Bill so fast he kneed the table. "You little—!"

Ford put a hand on Stan's shoulder to stop him from making a scene. Calmly, he cut around the chunk of soiled omelet, scooped it up, and dropped it in Bill's milkshake.

A crooked smile broke through Bill's scowl. "You know—" he hooked a finger around his milkshake glass and tugged it closer, "this is the most fun I've had in a very long time." He squeezed one eye shut and made direct, defiant eye contact with Ford as he drank the shake.

Mabel and Dipper exchanged a look and cringed in disgust.

####

When they left, in lieu of the extra tip Bill had wanted Stan to give the waitress, he turned over his paper menu and drew a map to an eighty-year-old buried cache of stolen jewelry just a fifteen minute walk from the diner.

He'd finished his milkshake, egg and all.

####

(if you enjoyed, I'd love a comment! Thanks!)

[daceydeath]

Cigarettes and Cliches (Part 1)

Pairing: Lee Felix x Reader Word Count: 4.3k Genre: college au, slow burn romance, Warnings: 🔞, 18+, minors DNI, swearing, alcohol use, sexual themes,

He was the most impractical guy for you to be interested in, the incredibly handsome cliché bad boy who collected girls like trophies. As hard as you wanted to hate him his persistence and hidden softer side just could be your undoing.

It had been a month since that stupid party where Seungmin had managed to get himself injured, albeit a minor injury, and you were still feeling a bit protective of him. He never told you what the fight was about aside that some guys were being a bunch of dicks about a girl he knew so he stepped in to get them to stop, you never asked any other questions because you could tell he didn't want to talk about it. He had stayed home with you over the weekends for the 3 weeks after that letting Jeongin go and have fun while you made the both of you dinner and either studied or watched a movie together. That changed however on the fourth week.

"Are you going with Jeongin? you asked from the kitchen as they played video games in the lounge, Friday evening had rolled around once again too fast for your liking but you had a shift tonight that you needed to get ready for so you snacked as you finished up a few things.

"Yeah, everyone will have forgotten by now" he grinned back toothily while keeping his eyes focused on his character.

"Boys" you chuckled going around the kitchen island to get to your room "you do remember I'm out tonight yeah?"

"Oooh have a hot date?" Jeongin squealed excitedly pausing the game to look at you hopefully.

"Yeah with a coffee machine you twat, it's Friday night I'm working" you laughed as you shut the door behind you to change, as you did you could here the game not restart like you assumed it would.

"She needs to get out, she needs to date" Jeongin whined softly "There is more to life than her just studying and working".

"I know but you know how hard her parents are on her she got yelled at for over an hour when she told them she moved in here, we can't tell her how to live" Seungmin hissed as you continued to listen at the door.

"I just want her happy, she deserves to be happy and accounting is not going to make her happy it is going to make her parents happy. She will graduate, get a job, sit at a desk and never have a chance at life again to keep people who just run her down all the time happy" Jeongin was arguing getting a little louder as he went.

"Keep it down fuck wit she will hear you" Seungmin scolded "I want her to be happy too but we can't tell her she's making a mistake it isn't our life its hers". After a moment or so more the game unpaused and you could hear the sound of the game filter through the closed door as you rushed to get dressed and go.

"I'll see you guys later" you called as you rushed to the front door and out into the hallway.

Work was busy as always Friday nights usually started quiet and ended up a bit chaotic as people came in for coffee to sober up again, you and a few of the girls called it the witching hour as a joke since pretty much anything could and would happen. Not that you cared Friday nights paid well and you were always happy to have a little extra to spare in the bank if you could manage it. During your break you made yourself an iced tea and sat at the far end of the counter so you were out of the customers way and played on your phone. You could feel eyes on you but you were determined to ignore it you were about to go back on and witching hour was almost beginning, clearing your things you walked back around the counter and put your apron back on pulling in place over your head you noticed him, that pretty Felix guy that helped Seung home that night. He was on the far side of the room watching you with a strange look on his face, the girl hanging off of him hadn't noticed that he wasn't paying any attention to her but his friends had. Taking a breath you got back behind the coffee machine and started on the orders occasionally flicking your eyes to him to see if he was still looking at you which he was every single time.

"Excuse me miss" a honey smooth voice murmured to you making you startle slightly as you turned to him, he was taller than Felix but equally as stunning to look at, like a sculpture come to life.

"Can I help you?" you smiled politely trying not to look dazed.

"I hope so" he almost purred looking you over "I'm Hyunjin" he introduced himself seamlessly.

"Pleasure Hyunjin, but you haven't told me how I can help" you replied tilting your head.

"I was wondering what time you are getting off tonight? I thought you might like to join us" His voice was almost hypnotizing and you were sure that with the combination of this and his looks he could speak to any woman in the cafe and get them to follow him home.

"Who is us?" you asked zeroing on his words not his voice making him chuckled softly.

"In truth it would be you, me and my friends Minho and Felix he gestured behind him where you looked to see Seung's friend glaring at Hyunjin and another handsome guy laughing at him while the girls hanging off of them looked pissed Hyunjin was speaking to you at all.

"I don't think some of your numerous girlfriends would be that happy about that" you smiled politely before turning back to your orders not noticing Hyunjin's slightly baffled expression or how hard Felix immediately started laughing.

Two and a half hours later you were finishing up and saying goodbye to your co-workers when you noticed that Hyunjin, Minho and their gaggle of fangirls were no longer sitting in the back corner of the room however, Felix was still sitting there looking at something on his phone. He hadn't noticed you staring but he seemed to be conflicted about something as he typed then waited then typed again. You knew you should leave it but he was sitting alone in an fairly empty coffee shop on a Friday night which considering his other options seemed odd to you.

"Can I get you anything" you asked casually standing in front of him making his eyes flick up at you prepared to roll his eyes but he stopped as soon as he realized it was you.

"Have you finished for the night?" He asked smiling faintly "you aren't in one of those stupid aprons anymore".

"Yeah I have, thank you for the uniform critique, but I can still get you something if you wanted me to" you smiled awkwardly pressing your lips together.

"I'm good thanks" he nodded as he phone seemed to continue to chime nonstop with notifications.

"Alright then sorry to bother you" you nodded adjusting your bag and starting to turn around.

"You haven't bothered me and it's Felix, I forgot to introduce myself that night at your place after we got Seungmin and Jeongin back" he blurted out seeming every bit as nervous as you which was impossible since he was infamously attractive and had made his way through more girls than you even knew.

"I thought you were hanging out with your friends, at least that's what um...your friend said" you felt your face heat up not being able to remember the name of the handsome guy from earlier.

"Hyunjin" he chuckled looking genuinely happy "Yeah they have gone to party Hyunjin was a little deflated after you shot him down"

"Shot him down?" You yelped your eyes widening at the implication.

"I'm just kidding they were only wanting to tease you anyway, word got around the Seung and Innie have been hiding a cute roommate so Hyunjin just wanted to make them squirm about which one was hooking up with you" he chuckled looking back to his phone to silence it.

"Right...well have a good night then Felix" you mumbled feeling stupid for thinking that they were actually being friendly or that Felix might have hung around for another reason since you had definitely heard him say you were cute that night before he left. You walked towards the door not hearing him call out to you until he grabbed your elbow a few feet outside the café making you jump your heart pounding in your chest.

"You aren't walking home alone are you?" he sighed "It's not safe for girls to walk home alone at night".

"I always walk home alone" you snapped annoyed that he had embarrassed you and now scared you.

"Let me walk you this time then" he replied sounding irritated.

"Why would you even bother, just to give me shit? No thanks I already know that's all I'm good for thanks" You ground out utterly pissed at how handsome he looked but how much of a dick he apparently was. "Besides you didn't care when I was getting chucked out into the night so you could get your dick sucked why start caring now?" You pulled your arm from his grasp and walked away as calmly as you could leaving him as far behind as you could.

When you got back to your apartment you found only Seungmin was home, well his shoes were home but he wasn't alone so you crept passed his door hoping to not disturb him as you made your way to the kitchen to grab some water and painkillers to dull the headache you now had. For a moment you thought Seungmin and Jeongin had been right maybe you did need to date but Felix and his friends showed you just how untrustworthy some guys could be so maybe it was better to just stick to what you knew. As you stood in the kitchen contemplating your non existent love life you heard very familiar voice in the hall, Seungmin was obviously finished entertaining his 'guest' and he was seeing her out with an excuse that the other roommates couldn't know she was there. Sighing you waited to see if Seungmin made his way into the kitchen or back into his room.

"When did you get back?" he asked as he rounded the corner seeing you standing there staring off into space.

"A few minutes ago, I didn't overhear if that's what you're worried about" you sighed not feeling like you could do the normal back and forth with him tonight.

"No, I was just wondering, are you alright?" he asked leaning his back against the counter so he could see your face.

"Long shift, annoying customers" you nodded trying to mask your annoyance.

"You seem sad that's all" he pressed a little making you more irritated.

"I'm fine Seung, I'm just tired" you smiled tightly "I'll see you in the morning" you left him standing there knowing he would ask more questions in the morning hopefully not in front of Jeongin.

Morning came and you had been correct more questions followed though annoyingly Seungmin seemed to have filled in, the not as hung over as you had hoped, Jeongin.

"Do you feel better this morning?" Jeongin welcomed you from the kitchen as you left your room.

"Yeah I do thanks. How was the party? you seem pretty chipper this morning" you smiled hoping you could just have Jeongin spill the tea for the next hour to keep your from having to explain anything.

"It was amazing, Hyunjin and Minho arrived late without Felix which is strange but apparently some girl turned Hyunjin down, like who turns down Hyunjin honestly, anyway that probably isn't true but who knows maybe it is and Minho was giving him shit about it since apparently Felix has a crush on her but that has to be shit Felix doesn't have crushes he fucks his way through campus" Jeongin began which instantly made you annoyed again why would he be so invested in the lives of fuck boys even if they are his friends "but that helped us all hook up though after they picked who they wanted the others just always gravitate towards us since we're their friends, Seung picked up some girl who was devastated that Felix wasn't there so good for him".Jeongin continued to babble and you tuned out continuing to nod like you cared until Seungmin interrupted.

"You have that look on your face again, the one from last night" he called you out easily.

"I'm fine I just had a weird conversation with some friends of yours and one was a jerk that's all" You sighed hoping you could play down everything.

"Which friends?" Seungmin asked seeming surprised.

"Not important Seung was back when I got in from work but you weren't Innie" you prodded "spill".

"Oh yeah so after Seungmin left with that chick Felix did show up and he was pissed, I don't know what happened before he got there, but Hyunjin and Minho were giving him shit then these other guys decided it would be fun to chime in and Felix lost it so he punched one of them and he and Minho ended up taking on like four guys, Felix will probably have a black eye but they are always in fights so it's not like that's never happened before" Jeongin continued loving that your were interested but again Seungmin interrupted.

"Which of our friends were rude to you?" he asked again with far more authority making you frown.

"Hyunjin and Felix, apparently I turned the mighty Hyunjin down even though he only wanted me to hang out with him to give you two shit about which one of you was fucking me and then Felix was a prick about it all, it was nothing really" you sighed.

"Hold on you're the one who turned down Hyunjin?" Jeongin's eyes widened in disbelief.

"I didn't turn him down he came over while I was working and introduced himself then he asked if I wanted to hang out with them after I finished work. I told him that the girls that were all over them didn't seem thrilled with that idea then went back to work" you explained, mainly to Jeongin who was looking like he was too shocked to speak.

"And Felix?" Seung asked softly looking like he knew more than you did which confused you.

"They left, Felix stayed when I finished I asked him if i could get him anything and he told me they only asked me to hang out to give you two shit and then scared the shit out of me on the street when he grabbed my arm, he offered to walk me home. I declined. End of my super exciting story" you tried not to sound fed up but honestly you were not only had they made you feel insignificant, Jeongin couldn't believe they would waste their time on you and Seungmin had slept with Nali, not that he knew that you knew.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to scare you but we have both told you not to walk home after your night shifts and get an cab instead" Seungmin chastised you slightly.

"Did Nali take a cab home after you fucked her then Seungmin?" you snapped looking his dead in the eyes making him flush pink his mouth falling open "Yeah that's what I thought, I think maybe the no dating and no men thing is something I'll stick to for now but thank you for both spending your time worrying that I'm wasting my life" you seethed as you turned walked back to your room to get ready to go out. You had no idea where you would go you just needed to be away from them, it was irrational for you to be angry with them it wasn't their fault that Felix had made you feel like a fool but the fact that they defended him over listening to what you had to say had pushed you too far.

When you reemerged from your room both of the guys looked guilty since they must have realized that they had been overheard their conversations about you at some point but you didn't speak you just scooped up your bag and walked out needing time to calm down before you spoke to them again and apologized for being short with them. Just wandering you found yourself in the public gardens beside the university, you hardly ever took time to wander between your classes, studying, working you didn't actually have time to do much else. The gardens were beautiful in the quiet of the morning, still a little too early for the party goers to have emerged, it was still and quiet which made you feel calmer. Slowly making your way around the pathways you came across no one so you decided to just sit and think. Seungmin and Jeongin were right in a sense, you did live your life to meet your parents expectations and you did do everything you could for them to be proud of you but you were missing out. Maybe you weren't missing much in the way of dating morons or one night stands, which weren't your thing, but just the mere fact you had never even taken the time to actually wander the gardens that were so close to where you spent so much time did prove that you were missing out on really living your life. Sighing you knew you were going to have to apologize to them but only if they were willing to not dismiss you so easily.

"I didn't think gardens were your thing? they don't have anything to do with studying" his deep voice drawled from somewhere to the right of you, shaking you from your thoughts.

"You don't actually know anything about me Felix" you frowned looking towards him to take in his appearance. He wasn't in his trademark leather jacket and black jeans, just blue jeans and a grey hoodie, looking suspiciously young and innocent with the exception of the purplish looking bruise blooming on his cheek.

"I know, but maybe I want to" he shrugged walking over to you and sitting at the opposite end of the bench from you.

"Why bother I'm not going to be another conquest for you so I doubt I'm very interesting to you" you sighed trying not to sound annoyed at him and failing since his face fell slightly.

"Do you think I can't have friends? I don't have sex with every girl I know" he smirked as you looked over his face finding yourself drawn to try to count the freckles on the bridge of his nose.

"From your body count I doubt that very much and that wasn't there when I last saw you" you gestured to his face.

"No I got this later" he murmured looking sad for a moment before schooling his face.

"Want to talk about it?" you offered softly not knowing why you would even ask him, he kept giving you mixed signals and you couldn't decipher them.

"It was just a fight nothing important?" he shrugged fiddling with the cuff of his hoodie a bit. "I'm sorry I scared you last night after you got off work, I called after you but you obviously didn't hear me, I shouldn't have just grabbed you" he smiled at you this time.

"No you shouldn't have, grabbing a woman in the street at night is a dick move, but thanks I guess" you relented.

"Seung said you're doing accounting, do you like it?" he continued still smiling.

"Not really but it's what I'm supposed to do" you admitted reluctantly "I was interested in other careers but accounting is more stable I guess" you explained "What department are you in?".

"Arts" he smiled examining you closely "I'm doing English Lit, is it your parents wanting you to do accounting?".

"Umm... yeah" you nodded slowly now watching him as closely as he was scrutinizing you.

"It's hard to make your parents proud" he breathed sadness flashing across his eyes.

"Yeah it's almost impossible" you agreed clearing your throat awkwardly "I have to head back Felix bye" you half smiled standing up quickly you didn't like how unbalanced he was making you feel.

"You too Choi" he smiled leaning further back on the bench and closing his eyes. Your eyes lingered on him for a few more seconds before you left feeling less annoyed in general but still frustrated by everything.

The walk back to your shared apartment felt longer than it had on the way out this morning which you figured was probably the difference between annoyance and guilt. You could hopefully smooth everything over with Seung and Innie, after all it wasn't their fault you hadn't really explained the situation or how you had felt, you had tried to minimize it which of course would leave to misunderstandings. Plus you liked the boys they were easy to live with so you hoped they wouldn't ask you to leave. Keying in your code you slipped off your shoes and padded towards the kitchen where you assumed they would be to be once again caught in a situation where you were snooping.

"Chan, we didn't mean to make her upset" you could hear a voice whine over the phone.

"Not the point Hyunjin, Seung and Innie have potentially lost a housemate because you guys thought she was an easy source of amusement" Chan groaned and you just stayed still thinking about how to fake that you weren't overhearing another private conversation.

"She seems real nice too" another voice that you didn't recognize said.

"She's better than nice" Seungmin replied dryly "She's kind, sweet and always helpful, not to mention easy on the eye which helps".

"She is cute, is that why you decided to play her? she's the only cute girl one of the three of you hasn't fucked?" Innie almost spat sounding more annoyed that you had heard him before.

"It's not like that" Hyunjin instantly answered "It wasn't about teasing her it was about pissing off you guys and Felix, you should have seen the way he was looking at her she has him whipped and she doesn't even know".

"I highly doubt that" Chan sighed skeptically "Felix doesn't want a girlfriend he wants to stick his dick in every girl he can".

"She's too good for him anyway" Seungmin grumbled "too smart and too steady for the guy who can't date someone for longer than a fortnight".

"Damn Seung savage" one said but you weren't sure who as you crept quietly back down the hallway hearing them laughing, jamming your feet roughly back into your shoes to make nothing suspicious you loudly open and shut the door taking your shoes off again.

"Seung? Innie? you home?" you called down the hall knocking on each of their doors as you passed them.

"In the lounge" Innie called as you made your way into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab some water.

"Alright look I'm really...Hi" you pretended to be surprised that there were other people in the apartment.

"This is Han" Innie smiled at you like he was actually thrilled you were home "I can't remember if you have met before and of course you know the others".

"Hi all" you waved from where you were standing "Han and I have met, I think I have met all your friends but one now" you poked your tongue into your cheek.

"Who haven't you met?" Seung tilted his head looking at you.

"I think his name is Minho, he's apparently glued to your mates Hyunjin and Felix" you smiled "I mean he waved but you have never introduced me to him, although same could have been said for Hyunjin".

"Yeah we did try to keep you away from them" Innie admitted as you walked around the kitchen island to move closer to the group lounging around on the sofas.

"I noticed" you chuckled "It's fine Innie I get it".

"No it's not because we think you need to stay away from them it's just that we know they aren't your type of person so.." Innie tried to explain quickly.

"Innie, it's fine I don't need to know all your friends I'm not your mother" you laughed rolling your eyes at him before retreating to your room.

"She seems fine guys I don't get why you were so panicked" Changbin chuckled as you shut your door.

"I get Felix's interest now she is pretty cute" Han whisper shouted making you roll your eyes as you heard Seung and Innie protest loudly and they all began bickering.

"Look we both get that she's cute but back off she's like super innocent the last thing she needs is any of you fuckers messing her around" Seung whispered back.

"When you say innocent?" Changbin asked softly.

"She hasn't hooked up with a single guy since she started collage, I'm pretty sure she's a virgin" Innie blurted like he was spilling some kind of tea which made you put your face in your hands embarrassed that they were discussing your sex life.

"How would you even guess that kind of information Innie, bloody hell if she overheard you know she would be mortified" Chan scolded.

"Trust me she is" you yelled through the door hoping that it made them cringe at the whole idea because you were mortified that it had been so obvious to Jeongin that you had pretty much no experience in that department, outside of a few sloppy make out sessions and the moment you lost your virginity which you hadn't enjoyed so you had never bothered to go back for seconds.

"Her bedroom walls are thin" Changbin laughed awkwardly as you flopped down on your bed hoping to not have to face any of them ever again.

a/n: Thank your for reading my lovliest loves I hope you enjoyed it and please know that any likes, reblogs, comments and amazing tags are loved and enjoyed xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @bakedlilgoonie, @shiy, @is2cb97, @beautifulixr, @skyhold-tara, @army-stay-noel,

[cant-get-enough-btr-forever]

Big Time Games: "Recycle Rush."

In my last post, I said I would give y'all a play-by-play of Big Time Rush online games. So, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Unfortunately, I can't upload more than 30 images per post. So, I'm only including Recycle Rush in this one. Don't worry—"Stage Rush" will come next.

Enjoy!

The rules are simple: Hit the spacebar to drop the trash on the boy below you (he catches it). The trash eventually gets dropped into a dumpster.

Also, lol—cows give you bonus points. "Green Time Rush" approves.

This is how my very first game went:

Side note: Notice how the Palmwoods only has two floors. The levels literally stack up as the game goes on. Interesting.

Let's try this again!

Carlos drops it on James...

...James drops it in the dumpster...

And, uh, yeah. That's it. That's the whole game.

Level 2: I noticed that these yellow exclamation points pop up over their heads. They let you know when the boys are about to turn around. Good to know! I just wish someone had told me...

Suddenly, a wild Kendall appears.

To accommodate this new arrival, the Palmwoods morphs into a 3-story building. See what I mean?

Kendall valiantly carries out his duty.

Level 3: There is now a 2-liter bottle magically floating in the hallway.

So this is how you get bonus points—you need to drop the trash on the bottle and the guy simultaneously. It isn't always a bottle; sometimes it's a banana peel or a soda can. Clearly, you need a bit of timing (and patience) for this.

But since I'm an expert, I pulled it off. On the second try.

Ah, Logan. 'Bout time you showed up.

Side note: The elevators' positions don't make sense. Why are they so far apart from each other?

Crap. I dropped trash all over the lobby. Bitters is not gonna like this.

Logan's exclamation point works well here—it's like he's saying, "What the—dude, seriously?! I'm over here!"

Anyhoo, I was able to restart Level 3…

…only to fail once more.

This is not good for my ego.

'Tis but a scratch. I brushed myself off and labored on.

Level 4:

Listen, I really wanted to know what would happen if I dropped the trash on the Cow.

Don't make the mistakes that I made, friends. You must always ensure that the boy is under the trash, too.

Still, it was hilarious to watch the Cow plummet whilst enveloped in a trash bag.

I corrected my actions, and was rewarded with the sight of Logan carrying the whole frickin' frackin' Cow on his back.

Ahem. Anyway.

Does this mean that they're going to recycle a...a cow??

Whew. The Cow jumped out. By the way, in this level, the dumpster moves from side to side. Is the Palmwoods haunted again, or...?

Level 5: The guys are now speed-walking. Thanks, boys. Make my job harder for me.

Also, here's something bizarre: Carlos starts out on the top floor, while James is directly below him.

Moments later, Carlos is several floors below, and James is in the lobby.

Well, they ain't called Big Time RUSH for nothing!

Level 7 (Level 6 is identical to Level 5): Okay, everything is going about the sa—

Wait.

Oh, dear God.

There are two Jameses.

Who recycles more garbage than YOU?

I love this game, guys.

From here onwards, the difficulty doesn't change much. So, I simply got my score to 10,000 before stopping. Which took a lot longer than I'm willing to admit.

Final Thoughts: This is quite fun. More fun than I thought it would be, which is always nice. I give it an 8/10.

If anyone wants to give it a whirl, here it is. Be sure to use a computer, and not a mobile device.

Happy playing! 😁

[k4ppasta]

Big fan elor elor elor how did u start ur art journey and any tips you'd wanna share

heheh hey callous, ive been drawing since elementary school and the best advice that i would say is learning how to study art styles. not just copying what you see or referencing, like really looking at their messy sketches, line art, coloring styles, trying to identify how they made certain effects with what they had (digital or otherwise)

I took AP art senior year of HS and we had an assignment where we had to pick a professional artist, study their art style, create a piece that was inspired by their work, then write a small paragraph on what specifically they do in their art (warm and cool colors, contrasting, brushes, etc.) and honestly it was one of the most helpful exercises ive done.

an example of how my style breakdowns go (SORRY @sunnydayaoe I REALLY LIKE YOUR ART SO I DID A MINI ANALYSIS IN MY OWN TIME</3)

i got a bunch of their work, focused on what exactly made it so unique (i.e saturated colors, colored lineart where the light hits, texture, etc.) then tested how i would get an effect like they do (with the limited brush choices they have on flipaclip lmao)

but yeah! thats texting, experimenting, and analysis with kappa.

i did something similar in middle and elementary school where i would check out comic books that had styles i liked and copy it. how they drew eyes, clothes, poses, expressions, etc. (examples being babysitters club and legends of zita lmao) The class I took simply showed a more through? way to do this?

also just getting comfortable with restarting, redrawing, and making bad and experimental art. stuff's allowed to look ugly sometimes. you're learning. art is supposed to be fun, its okay to take a break from a piece for a bit.

[mxltifxnd0m]

amorcita i'm back to futher discuss the sub!sam headcanons <3

praise is maybe my favorite thing ever, both ways so... oh my god. i'm just thinking about sam doing everything and anything at all to gain your praise. he wants to be good for you so bad, he wants to make you feel so good so bad, and he'll do anything to make sure that happens. and he just needs to know that he's doing a good job, he needs to hear that he's making you feel good. so like you said, every word of praise, especially pet names like "pretty boy" and "good boy" and a personal favorite "sweet boy."

he wants you to praise him so badly, but he gets so soft and blushy and shy when you do. just thinking about calling him your sweet boy, telling him he's so good for you, and his face is pink and the tips of his ears are flaming so he hides his face in your hand. and you have to pull his hands away by his wrists and softly scold him, saying, "don't hide from me, pretty boy." bonus if you're on top of him and you can then pin his wrists above his head. bonus x2 if you kiss the tip of his nose and make him blush softer and be 100000x times more in love with you. then once you've gotten into it, your praise just fuels him and he works so hard and is such a good good boy so that he can hear you moan and praise him <3

as i mentioned, i think i have a thing for sub!sam cumming untouched LOL sooo two of my favorite of your headcanons was him cumming from eating you and and him cumming from just making out and you pulling his hair. like i said, one of the hottest things i've ever read!!! yeah i just think he'd get so shy and sheepish and it's pretty much the cutest most endearing and also hot things in the whole world. he's less embarrassed about cumming from eating you out because even when he's subby, he's so shameless about how much he loves to eat pussy! but uhhh thinking about making him grind against your leg/thigh until he cums <3 my poor sweet baby gets so shy about it, and his eyes get glossy and his voice is so shaky and whiny when he asks, "please, can i cum?" and then you praise him for asking like such a good boy. "of course you can cum, honey," you croon, giving his hair a good tug as you sense him tipping over the edge so that you can pull the most unfiltered, raw moan from his throat as he cums in his boxers <3

:DDDDD this is getting so long! i think maybe i could go on forever and ever about sub!sam!!! oh god!!! i'm going insane!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!

blink blink blink i need to reset my brain i'm broken....

bonus uhhhh thinking about him begging while looking up at you with his prettiest, softest, sweetest puppy dog eyes that are shiny with pleasured, unshed tears because he is sooo so so desperate!! ummm that's all for today! okay! i no longer feel anything akin to normal! and i have dance practice all day tomorrow! so i will go to bed now :)

I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHH AHHHHHH i hope your pool party was fun!! <33 i'm excited to read your week recap when i get the chance <33 HAVE THE BEST NIGHT MY DARLING DAISY <3

-mari @prentissluvr

PLEASE MARI I JUST WOKE UP TO SEE THIS IN MY INBOX??

i- i- wel- can- @_@ *brain has shut down and restarted*

I NEED SUB SAM SOOO BADLY NOW OMG ALJDHFAIDHFDBFAUDFD

more specifically i need to see your variation of it bc i just know it'll be so good :))) i patiently await the day you make the post and then i'll reblog the hell out of it

arghh i literally have no more to add bc you've broken me and now all i can think about is sub sam grinding on my leg with wide, teary eyes because he wants is to cum @_@

ARGGH I LOVE YOU DOVE!! <33 the pool party was in fact very fun and i had a blast swimming with my friends!

oh take your time! ill know you'll get to it when you get to it hehe, but i hope your dance competition goes swell!!

love you always my sweetest dove <33

[katyspersonal]

I've made more SOTE progress!!!! And I MEAN progress this time! Damn that was fun but I don't know whether to feel happy or sad because like I said, I really don't want this DLC to end ;-;

1) So, I went in the direction of the ruins place..... and then turned around and decided to get back to whatever dragons business I still had left bfhhhvhg And started with that cave which I recalled had a Wyrm (and also a HUGE bowl of spaghetti sauce gfhyhh)

2) After I killed it, I actually went back to Florissax! Apparently this is the name of Dragon Communion Priestess that is revealed indirectly, much like Boggart's! By that time, @val-of-the-north woke up and I allowed him to take my hand here because he warned me that her quest is terribly broken. And, God... -_- You have no idea how much, but perhaps I am getting ahead of myself....... 🤦‍♂️

3) I heard that I needed to kill two drakes above first, and my reaction was just 💀💀💀💀💀 Because I am AWFUL at fighting them! ......Or I USED to be, but perhaps I am getting ahead of myself hfuhfhybj [2]

4) Found this item in a shack nearby!

5) So, I figured that my usual "strategy" was not going to fly, and finally bothered to upgrade a weapon (big katana) with the built-in anti-dragon effect! You know, a weapon you OBTAIN in this very DLC! HOOOOOO BOY AT LAST!! TWO WEEKS LATER, SHE FINALLY GOT THE BRIGHTEST IDEA TO USE THE TOOLS SHE'S BEEN GIVEN 🙄🤦‍♂️

6) So I proceeded to go above, and met a singular drake, so I decided to actually fight it normally! No pussy long ass distance dumbass Int user combat! Close combat and learning the dodging patterns only!!

And it actually worked. I actually finally adapted to the dragons' moveset and when to roll in and not away, and how to stay around their feet right and how to run from the fire! After two goddamn years of struggling with dragons (excluding SOMEHOW first-trying Borealis, the frozen dragon) I adapted 🙄🙄🙄🤦‍♂️

7) Cool lore:

These grow from the burnt dead bodies across the peak and don't respawn

8) So yeah, in the next place, there were two drakes fighting each other (sure guys whatever), and I figured the boss one can first kill the weaker one so I was just standing and watching them like 🍿 until one left!

9) After defeating THIS one, I felt so much power that I decided to side-track and go back to kill two other dragons (the undead ones in Scadu Altus and Cerulean Coast). I didn't need it, I just felt SUCH a strong urge to do that, you have no idea!!!

9.1) Well, first I actually talked with Igon, because after both of the fighting drakes were killed he laughs and praises us for being a great drake warrior xD He gave me an item (his cut finger) that opens a change to summon him against Bayle, which he really asked to do!

9.2) Okay ANOTHER thing I did was to finally jOiN cOvEnAnT to talk with Florissax that Val asked me to do, because according to him I needed to talk to her at night, which was only possible after defeating the two drakes + I could now ask about Igon

9.3) She also revealed the roots of Dragon fascism; turns out that Ancient Dragons are after Drakes not for some prejudice reason against their species being "diluted", but because Bayle was the one to wound Placidusax and HE is the drake. Argh, can ONE person in this DLC have motivation to be an asshole that is NOT revenge!

10) So I was running around for a bit longer, visited another mine not far away from previous dragon (saw the big rock dude petting the lava slime there), and finally returned to Florissax!

....so, first, she was not appearing during the night. I tried to rest at the grace, still nothing. I tried again, nothing. I asked Val what was going on, and he wasn't sure and went looking on forums, meanwhile I tried to restart from another grace and travel to her location before the night was over! She still did not appear. 🙄

At this rate I started to wonder whether I broke the quest by not talking to her earlier before getting to Igon, but just for the heck of it rested at grace again, but now I skipped time to the night even though it already WAS the night! And then she FINALLY appeared near the Altar at night!! ...only, no new options or dialogue appeared!

According to Val again, I needed to catch her praying to herself so I could give her an item I already had. I reloaded the area, no praying. Reloaded it again, still nothing. Reloaded it again, and she straight up disappeared 🤦‍♂️ I thought that was it, and quest got broken, but just in case I quit the game and started it again.... AND IT WORKED.

....I am WITHOUT WORDS. According to Val, Jarburg quest used to be the same on launch.

11) But yes, she was praying to Placidussax, saying she surrendered her sleep so he could rest, and we got the choice to use Thiollier potion, that did mention it'd merely make dragons sleep for a bit. Damn... to think of it, Elden Ring quests give enough hints.

12) Val reassured me that was it and I just needed to skip a few days in game, so I went to murder remaining drakes! Fast enough, I killed them! Both of them!! However, the one in Scadu Altus was fighting with a lot of Black Knights and it was just entertaining to watch for like 15 minutes until they all finally died 🍿🍿🍿

13) me before: NOOOOO WHY DRAGONS ARE SO HARD, Val I do NOT want to hear your yapping about how they're not """that""" bad, I don't care and I will just run past them ;-;

me now: NOOOOOO WHY ALL DRAGONS IN THE GAME ARE OVER ALREADY, they needed to put more of them in to kill!!!! ;-;

14) I talked to her, where she was very crashed by having fallen asleep:

"I have broken my pledge. I succumbed to the deep slumber... that was meant for my Lord. Twas a craven act! Of a foul and lowly beast! Forgive me, good warrior. My Lord will no longer look upon me. I have fallen from grace. An old dragon no longer. Go on, leave me be."

15) So, I did gfjgffhg And proceeded to go above! Honestly, when I was looking at this area in the world's map, I was SURE it wasn't explorable...

Also, my complaining about no longer having dragons to kill was met!! There was another dragon, an ancient one now! It gave me a bit of a challenge for several times, but I remembered that rocky things are all weak to magic damage so that + defending myself from bolt more helped x)

15.1) This dragon is named Senessax... Sigh... Remember my theory about Placidussax? Zullie (the youtuber) datamined that he had 2 male heads and 3 female heads (1 male and 2 female missing), so I speculated that those heads turned into Granssax, Fortissax and Lanseax? Now that there are more dragons named with -sax, I feel like this theory aged like milk ;-; On the bright note, I recall King's Field (?) had a pair of white and black dragons siblings, so since Fortissax is black and Lanseax is pale and they're siblings, maybe it is return of the trope?

15.2) Fingers in the Ruins are rocky creatures with gold (AKTYALY amber) sewn into them, and ancient dragons are rocky creatures with amber sewn into them... I guess the ancient life is just like this?

16) I finally met Bayle!!!!!! And I actually laughed when Igon INSTANTLY started screaming curses at him upon being summoned XDDD The most character ever! Also cute that he said Bayle was going to face "the true drake warrior and him" gfhhbv He doesn't acknowledge himself as one anymore because of his fear, but acknowledges US!

Took me a few tries, but like I said, I finally adapted! 😎

17) Returned to his corpse:

(He also dropped his bell bearing, need to check the item it gets later just in case)

18) I talked with Florissax about the victory! She gave dialogue: "Ahh, finally, our wish is granted. Our dream, long yearned for, has come to pass. My Lord was blessed with great insight. He saw in the insatiable hunger and fierce spirit of man, the very things that would fell Bayle, our wretched nemesis. Warrior, you soar with the strength of dragons. Whereas I am fallen. Leave me be."

And gave this item! Sooooo that's how her name got revealed!

19) There was an option to tell her that we put her into sleep ;-; I was a bit nervous to pick it but felt like I should jtythhhgb

"Never, in all my years... How could you inflict such cruelty? No, that is not for me to judge. Whatever your hand in it, it was I who succumbed to the sweetness of slumber. The fault lies with me. I may be fallen, but I need not surrender my honour."

Arghhh shut up girl, you talk like an abuse victim :/ Not even a slap in the face?

20) So, she continued:

"On the second thought (? not certain, I forgot to write the starter), I believe you do owe me something for the transgression. On a mere whim, you've stripped me of my one and only Lord. As such, I require another - you. One day, may you become a dragon whole, a Lord of your own making. Lead me, and I will follow. My good Lord."

.....well, "now you have to adopt me" is sure one way to solve the conflict, I guess hfhgfnh

21) This way, I got her spirit ash:

So yeah, I ASSUME that her set is available, and I am not 100% sure whether her head piece is just the mask or simply how her head is supposed to look! She does have a face data, but she would need to since her model uses NPC mechanics, so it could be ignored?

I just haven't seen the description yet, but ER logic does let us adopt to appearances of others (like getting hair of other characters for example), and her body appears to be very black and shriveled, with sharp inhuman features! I sure hope that her look IS how ancient dragons in human form are supposed to look! It would offer an insight on how Lansseax used to look when communicating with the Dragon Cult!

(Besides I am still biased since I wss cursed with boring portrayals of Godwyn x Fortissax where the latter was a basic bitch yaoi bishounen without even the slightest monstrous features 😔 Even horny Lanseax waifu artistd had the basic dignity to at least add some horns and scales hfhyghj Okay that was my monthly voucher of being a petty bitch used, until the next time when my mask of respecting all type of creations cracks hdhhjgfhhnhh)

______________

Conclusion: character development if I've had one lol

[regegade]

I have so much on my mind about this girl but almost all of it is shitposts with her boyfriend

But yeah omg Courier 6! In my me?

Pregame Look | During Game Look Casual 4 Look | Working Look

Basic Concept went from "What if the Courier 6 was a MASSIVE whore" to "what if the Courier met the biggest manwhore" to "what if the courier had a quarterlife crisis and found her way to the commonwealth"

I'll put her censored nudity and one riskee outfit below with some fun stuff about her

Okay so like here me out Courier 6 x Lone Wanderer Fight me it's a fantastic idea

Also Character concepts I've thought of / just random shit bout Bell: - Courier changes their identity after being shot bc realistically like no one fucking knows them and harder for Benny Bitchin to find out their ass is not in fact dead (Bell got Trauma she tryna hide from too so it works) -Damage to the frontal lobe has basically left Bellona without the ability to process fear anymore bc i have to apply the knowledge i learned from FNAF lore somewhere. Yeah i doubt I'm doing it right too, but fuck you there are wormmen in this game i'm allowed a lil fun -Getting Shot gave Bellona some memory issues, they seem to all be memories from before getting shot -Bellona does in fact seduce Benny -Bellona does in fact regret it 7 years later when she has two other main characters repeat the phrase "You fucked the man who shot you" seven times to make sure they didn't misunderstand her -Bloodthirsty girlie pop, she will and has bit deathclaws before -Yesman is her fucking BABYBOY She would unironically kill for her robot son -The Kings are so fucking chill she loves them and their dog -She gets her right hand blown off during the Battle of Hoover Dam -Give me until a 60th playthrough to figure out her shit in nv bc it took me 300 hour and 3 restarts to figure out 1 skyrim character bc i forget i'm playing a character and will do whatever my impulses say sounds fun -Oh and Bellona hates Cooper Howard bc i have the hc that his shows/movies are some of the few holotapes to survive and she hates the limited entertainment being all his cowboy shit - ... Did I mention she has a slight southern twang? LMAO Some songs I cannot stop associating with this girl stg please help me: Whore - In This Moment Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna Do What I Gotta - Naethan Apollo You're Not Welcome - Naethan Apollo Too Sweet - Hozier Take Me To War - The Crane Wives

Nude During Game | Nude Pre Game Nude Post Game | Her Boyfriend's favorite outfit If you made it this far just wanna give you a sweet reminder that seducing Benny cannonically means giving him a footjob

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

Okay so my sister is trying out apple tv right now, which means I am binging all Fraggle Rock content on there as fast as I can.

They don't have the animated series though (which yes, this puppet show got an animated spin off).

So right now I'm watching what I can of that on Youtube because I don't know which streaming service has it (if one does have it), but I first discovered it on Neflix like 10+ years ago, but I don't think they ahve it anymore.

My mom bought one of the old Fraggle Rock dvd sets when I was a kid, so she could introduce me to it. Because Fraggle Rock was her Jim Henson puppet show of choice when she was a kid, vs any of his other works.

This post isn't really about that though, it's about how all the characters are slightly different in the different versions of the show.

For example Boober (though my favorite consistently in all of the shows) has variations in how exactly he's a downer.

Like he's always "a downer" but what exactly being a downer is seems to be different.

In the original he's just openly extremely anxious and paranoid, and suppresses his desire for fun and chaos to the point that he manifested a split personality. Sidebottom, who loves games and jokes and is the fraggle definition of life of the party, but is also totally down to just lie to get out of doing stuff he doesn't want to, or imprison people in the name of having a good time.

In the new series while Boober is still anxious and kind of grumpy he isn't constantly on the brink of spiraling and desperately clinging to random superstitions the way he was in the original. Like it seems he somewhat enjoys being miserable, vs him just kind of seeing it as inevitable because he was just that paranoid about things going wrong.

In the animated series he's no where near as anxious and paranoid as he is in the original, and isn't even all that grumpy. Though admittedly I only restarted my first rewatch of it in 10+ years, and I've only gotten through a couple episodes. But while he does get moody he's far more likely to explode into anger than into depressed wailing.

Though that's admittedly fair, considering in one episode he's just trying to do his job (cleaning laundry and delivering it back to where it needs to go), people keep cutting infront of his laundry cart, slowing him down. Or worse dirtying the clean laundry by actually running into him and upending the cart, or splashing a bunch of water onto the laundry cart. Meaning he has to go back and re-clean all the clothes he'd already washed and had been on his way to deliver.

And when he tells the others to at least watch where they're going, they all just go "complaining again Boober?" like he doesn't have the right to be upset when he has to go back and re-wash the same load of laundry 3 times in one day, when he's just trying to do his job.

So the fact that he seems more prone to angry outbursts rather than depressive/panicked ones could definitely just be the result that his friend group are kind of oblivious jerks in the animated series.

So yeah if you see me posting about Fraggle Rock, or the new series, or the animated series, or anything else Fraggle related it's because I'm binging a lot of fraggle content lol.

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x09 Our Man Bashir thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [2 July '23]

*window crash* wait, no, is this...? AH YISSS, IT'S OUR MAN BASHIR, I am so hype to see this again!

I mean that the glass bottle trick was smooth

"Bashir. Julian Bashir." And then Garak starts clapping, hilarious

Aww, Garak being sad that Julian has been too busy with his new holosuite programme to spend time with him - when he finds out it's a spy programme, to boot, do you think he felt he was being replaced by something fancier and better? That Julian only hung around with him because he was a spy?

"It's so unusual for you to have secrets"... little do you know, Garak. If you're excited about this, how much will you enjoy his augmentation secret?

WHY ARE THEY STANDING SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER (gayyyyy)

"I wonder what scared her away. You must be incensed." Garak is baiting him so much XD Yes, Julian, he wants you to be mad

This is already such a fun episode, I'd forgotten quite how much!

"I think I joined the wrong intelligence service." IS THAT AN ADMISSION, GARAK?! You've never admitted to being a spy before, I am sure!

Why does Julian need to get his suits made by Garak if the holosuite can produce clothes - or are all of these costumes his valet is bringing out ones he's bought and somehow saved in the programme?

"Nerys, please." There's just something about the way he says this. He's not acting angry like he is at Garak, he's seemingly more cautious about telling her off for being here? I guess he's starting to think it's not Kira?

Odo going "That sounded like Kira!" even though she sounds Russian... Something something universal translator? Or he's just so attuned to her?

Julian is so pissed with this turn off events disrupting everything into something lethal. He just wanted a fun time

I have never noticed the falcon on Miles' eyepatch before!

"But that's Miles." - The way Julian says that is so gentle...

His soft "Sorry, my dear" to his dead valet - oh, my love :3

"Right behind the spatula." Oh, ROM. Incredible engineering XD

"Welcome to paradise." Okay, Avery Brooks just stole this scene.

How have I only just realised the symbolism of the villain, who is trying to flood the world and restart a better life, being called Noah?

"O'Brien's gonna kill me when he gets back." XD

Ohhh I was wondering how they got from Dr Noah's room to the tunnel - I had forgotten the being-tied-up scene

"Honey, will you grant me one last request and take off those glasses?" Yes Garak, that eye roll is what we're all thinking... Julian's acting is so ridiculously earnest XD "Kiss the girl, get the key - they never taught me that in the Obsidian Order." Garak is being so unusually frank! Is this part of his ploy to win back Julian from the game? Trying to remind him that I was a real spy, you know, my dear doctor?

The waver in Julian's voice as he says "If you call for the exit, you might kill Sisko and the others..." :3

Boy, their argument in the tunnel is such a tense scene, even better than I remember!

"You dream of being a hero because deep down you're not." OUCH. The worst thing is, Julian probably agrees.

"That's all about to end now isn't it?" - bit of London accent sneaking in there

"It's working just as you planned! You've done it, Doctor." "Yes.But somehow I didn't expect to win."

Oh I love everything about this sceeeeene

"Lunch tomorrow?" "Of course. But why don't we have it at your place, in Hong Kong?" I DO NOT REMEMBER THAT LINE. WOW. GAY.

Okay, yeah, this is the point where they get together imo.

I mean everyone knows this episode is fantastic, but also, THIS EPISODE IS BLOODY FANTASTIC AND I LOVE IT TO BITS.

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Night of the Raving Dead

Happy halloween all you happy freelance police. I"m jake and my Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space retrospective continues as Sam and Max fight a guy who sucks just in time for spooky season.

Chapter 3 gives us a fun spooky good time as we have zombies, frankenstines and vampires as our dynamic duo have to beat a club hopping german vampire before his army of the undead conquer the world. So a normal tuesday really. Can our heroes save the world.. again? Will we have to see a lot of pierced vampire nipples? Is Lincoln still the worst Short answer, of course, just look at the article image, and i'm still in cringing agony so.. can confirm. Long answer is under the cut!

Night of the Raving Dead begins In Media Res and milks it for all it's worth: Sam and Max are in a soul sucking machine, at the mercy of Jurgen, a european vampire who never wears a shirt but does gladly show off his pierced nipples. Still better than bebops. Firm 6/10.

At any rate pierced nips aren't the issue as the threat here is your old fashioned spike wall style trap I know just the man for the job but sadly he's was a bit busy with his own spiked wall issues

So instead we flash back to the start of this tale.

And to my delight our heroes continue to pile up junk in their office. Sam has now added a holy urn and is still high priest seperation of chruch and state kneels before god emperor priest president Max!

Our heroes have a bit of infestation though in their office there's something all too familiar

These are not greasy teen zombies or greasy gnomes or even the dreaded Crombie, but European Zombies! So it's up to us to talk to everyone and find out why. In an intresting reversal this time it's Bosco whose closed, while Sybil's reopened her place, because we psychologically tortured him into disappearing.

Sybil meanwhile is looking for love in all the wrong places as after her relationship with Abe Ended she's restarted her dating service.. but just for her. After the obvious sex work joke because this is the 2000's, Sybil is basically screening dates... and is currnetly screening a moleman.

But after he failed we're left with Harry Moleman. Whose back for some reason. Gotta reuse those models I guess. He has aboslutely no shot and Sybil is being just polite. He also has a choclate heart we'll need later and a fear of zombie's we'll exploit later

Moving over to Stinky's her latest special is a gooey cake/chekov's gun, while her latest item we can grab is a sunlamp bulb since even she has no idea why it's there, but the plot does. The plot sees all.

Anyway abe's also there.. .and still the worst as he blames Sybil for the breakup, is stalking her and won't shut up

Yeah I liked Abe at first.. but in a record TWO episodes he's gone from endearing into the hall

It's a shame too as I really DID like abe in season one and the first episode of this but this gag, ESPECIALLY wiith how the sybil plot concludes, really dosen't work.

Thankfully we move on to our boys the C.O.P.S. who have decided to captalize on this to sell internet to zombies, via online trial discs. For those too young to know what those are

For now though we can't get any of those future coasters, but we do found out poor bluster has some brain damage which was also funnier at the time. We do find out the source of the ZOmbies: the zombie factory in Stuttgard, Germany. And to my shock Stuttgart is a real place. I would've asked my german friend , but she needs sleep and isn't awake till midnight like moi.... am I a vampire? ... no. No I love garlic bread too much to make that sacrifice. Then again It'd also make it easier to meet Matt Berry.. dammit this is a dillema.

While I mull this over we move on to Stuttgard. I didn't ask said friend, @galaxysupernaturalstuff because again, asleep.. and because I forgot earlier. Though I probably DON'T need an actual german to tell me "yeah Stuttgart isn't a small villiage with a giant castle in the middle of it. "They thankfully don't do too many german stereotypes about the country as a whole, the only gags they do being the fairly innocent beerstein and the fact Midtown Cowboys is big there. It's done more in a tounge in cheek way than anything genuinely offensive.

Turns out the Zombie Factory is both your standard spooky hammer horror style monster castle.. and a club, and to get in we need to get past the bouncer, good old superball.

Yeah like the Bosco scremaing thing this is a runner nad a truly great one. Also unlike that one it's both nonseical and you can't get punched for it. He's working for Jurgen, our big bad, because his doors are rich fine mahogany.. and he needs SOMETHING to do after the divorce. He was married. I'd.. genuinely forgot that.

To get past him we once again have to do something that's likely to get me sent to hell for playing this game: take a brain from a fresh corpse

Then we throw it to a gargoyle which suprisingly ISN'T alive, nor voiced by keith david despite it being night, allowing us to cut the line.

It's inside we get a ZOMBIE DISCO BITCHES. We meet our arc villian and the mastermind behind this half baked scheme, Jurgen. Jurgern.. is a deliglight: he's basically every 20 something trying to seem cool by clubing distilled into a vampire and given a german accent and nipple rings. And he is glorious. The fact his plan is just "Conquer teh world with zombies" jah helps. our heroes just try to go for the head.. but Jurgen can teleport so we need to take the source of his powers: his...

And it's fun too as each one is simply hitting him with his vampire weakensses.. and the how, as usual is fun and redicuous. That being said actually solving these puzzles.. is a lot. I ended up hitting a dead end: I figured given the tropes at play that the key was to trigger some type of hidden entrance to get up to the balcony to replace the bulbs in the spotlight with the sunlamp. And it is.. btu the how is INCREDIBLY overcomplicated. While the writing couldn't be stronger this chapter and where your supposed to go MOSTLY straight foward, the actual puzzles are often overcomplicated. The ones in the Zombie Factory itself rely HEAVILY on a dj soundboard , which you have to put the right words from one of jurgen's poems into, without it being clear which words in the poem are a clue. Also solving the spotlight DOSEN'T fix the problem and you still have two other things to do to him, only one of which is pretty easy to figure out since after Jurgen mentions he's a huge midtown cowboys fangboy, a new area unlocked announcment shows up. As it did with the COPS when this castle unlocked. Both a great gag and a nice bit of gameplay magic to make this easier.

So yeah.. I used a guide for most of this. This is one of the trickier ones gameplay wise and if you don't adventure game often or have a lot of patience

It can be maddening. There's also another "pick a random dialouge option fo ra song" puzzle like last season, which just.. isn't fun. Picking various options is only funny if there's multiple jokes, like the cooking without looking segment from last game. Basically asking "PICK RANDOM DIALOUGE FOR US FEASANT" isn't fun it's just keeping me from having fun with the part of the game I actually like.

So with that we an shine a little sunlight on Jurgen's life, causing him to freak out and loose a little respect of his fanbase. Like any influencer in embyro, just one stab to his rep isn't going to do it but it's a start. Next it's time to return to Midtown Cowboys! Their probably hiding a cow. Midtown Cowboys have been saved from cancelation baby! See back then Networks actually.. payed attention to things like audience numbers or dvd and digital sales instead of guarding the numbers like a cave troll so they can cancel whatever they want whenever they want. Gee I wonder why the actor's strike has taken 105 days with that kind of job security.

As it turns out Midtown Cowboys is HUGE in germany, with WARP having converted to just shooting Midtown Cowboys and spinoffs. Hey at least they beat Disney+ to the punch with that model. Turns out the statoin lady's been TRYING to get our heroes back in they've just been busy and such.. and max also deleted her messages because he be like that.

We also reunite with my boy Mr. Featherly, who legally changed his name from Philo Pennyworth. While he DID go back to theater even he can't resist the siren call of "buy your own private island fortress" money. Max naturally signed away those rights without thinking. They lost 4 executives that day..so you know it's not all bad.

We can still use the broadcast to our advntage though, stashing some garlic cigarettes from outside the castle in Featherly's bag as a prop. What follows.. is comedy gold. While we sadly don't get a cookin without lookin sequel, I wanted to use baboon hearts, what we do get is just as funny as we get a very special episode, the kind sitcoms used to do to tackle the heavy issues instead of just weaving them in if it fits the tone.

The cowboys hold an interviention for mr. featherly, who finds out they were indeed hiding a cow but he has his own cow.. a smoking addiction. Even Bessie is disapointed. It then quickly turns into an add for smoking and why it's totally rad and you should all do it as their sponsor.. is garlic clove cigarettes. It's so fucked and I love it. IT's a simple idea i'm genuinely suprised I haven't seen elsewhere and genius.

So with that we just have one last thing to destroy this man's career: we need a man of the faith to bless some water bottles we got at the club. But since Shelby isn't around, we'll have to make do with max, dunking the water bottles in his sacred urn while he gives us the sacred rites

The problem is as seen with the cigs, while Jurgen is many things, a hipster, a scene kid, a goth, a tool, a vampire, a mild german sterotype, a dracula, an emo, a direct to video sequel to Dracula 2000, a nipple piercing sorta guy, european, german, big dicked, bad at poetry, a plagarist, a mad scientest, an outer god... he is not dumb enough to let people carry in his weaknesses. Dumb enough to keep some of them in his private lab as we'll see, but still not dumb enough to let vampire hunters right in.

So to get it past we have to have max drink the holy water. You'd think this would mean max would get set on fire, another vampire weakness but it just give shim a halo. I guess his own religion can't cast him into the firey depths.

It's a once again limited time thing.. though I don't get WHY in this case. I get having it wear off to show it has to be used IN the castle.. but why does it wear off on the dance floor.

Anyways to beat jurgen we have to out out emo him with lyrics about darkness, no parents, continued darkness, and of course

We DO basically win, but normally jurgen would copy us. I know because I did this puzzle before knowing the solution. He drinks max. Thankfully his drinking Holy Water makes him need to go potty. You know if I had a nickle for every time we had to defeat one of our foes by making him need to go to the bathroom i'd have three nickels.. which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened thrice.

So we follow Jurgen to his lair but given we've only done three puzzle's we're not done yet, two act structure and all as SAM AND MAX ENGAGE IN THE MOST THRILLING BATTLE OF THEIR CAREERS... bringing them to the trap.. which thanks to Sam being busy recapping, works and swallows our heroes souls. Jurgen goes.. somewhere, leaving us in his study. We find some useful junk, including a stake, and a monster.

This is Jurgen's Monster, who like his master I dearly love, a poetic beast whose mad you brought him to life as he's so lonely. Can relate dude, can, relate.

Helping him win a date with Sybil is our main quest from her eon out as she has a soul mater, a weird horrifying eldrich device she dosen't know how to use, so her finding her soul mate means we can have it. Which is good because Sam and Max's souls don't want to go back after how their bodies have misused them, waiting to go to the next life. To put a stop to our souls going to hell a few chapters early we need that soul mater.

What follows is a LOT of stuff since we don't have just 7 days to make jurgen a mannnnnnnnnnnn. We can't get him pink and quite clean but we CAN get him a brain via our old friend Flint Paper and the Zombie of Abe LIncon. Yeah turns out Abe was buried in Stuttgart and thus we meet the real abe whose loyal to his dead wife and actually likeable. Sadly he's brutalyl murdered because Flint Paper is on the warpath. He wants to kill us because "THey'd rather be dead than undead!" Sam and Max don't remember making him promise that and thus use another hidden passage to knock him out and get the brain.

Next we need a proper hand. Thankfully the zombie from the intro stole jessie james hand, which is now alive and holding up girl stinky. To get it we need to trick it and this puzzle is clever: the hand hops every time it shoots. So we simply have to make it get all the way to girl stinky, then put his attention her so it goes the other way.. straight into the goey cake. We got our HANNNDDD BACCCKKKK.

We now need to give him some heart. This one's a tad overcomplicated, even by this chapter's standards: first we need to play the cops game for this chapter, distrubing internet demo disks paperboy style. This game is tricky, but unlike the difficulty in this chapter, it's a fair kind once you figure it out. You have to move your car to be in the right position to hit the zombies with a disk. It's still hard, but it's the fun kind of hard

With that we have a big anetna we can bolt cutter off the car and use to power up Jurgen's alchemy machine.

To get our final body part though we need to play the dating game against featherly and harry moleman

Harry is just hopeless and Featherly is pretentious: LIncoln's brain is the only thing Sybil liked about him, and the hand has jurgen spell out I love sybil. Awwwwww. We just need a heart of gold as the ones we have are a clock and plants that make us into mr. van dresen. I mean .. you'd think playing a good rendention of lesbian segull would woo her but I guess it's not her thing.

No we need a heart. Luckily Harry takes his time answering a question and has a choclate heart, and even more luckily this time ruining his life dosen't feel bad as he's tried to murder us, sybil and really had ZERO chance before shouting at us.

With that we can be in it to win it, using the science and the alchemy to give us a gold heart and winning Sybils. Unfourtnatley the game then makes a pretty bleh error in judgment, as Sybil realizes she still wants abe and.. runs off to apologize to the bastard

Yeah this joke is all kinds of messed up. I get her going back IS the joke, that he's bad for her.. but it just comes off stupid, and mildly sexist as it feeds into the old "oh women like jerks" sterotypes instead of "abusive relationships happen". I mean it's a lot to ask sam and max to be realistic, so i'm fine with that but it's not a lot to ask them to actually be funny if their going to do something this annoying.

So on that sour note the climax. We get our souls back and fight jurgen, who has a plan.. of.. some sort. Anyways we can't stake him because we're too slow, so we toss the soul mater to jurgen's monster pull the lever kronk and swap bodies, using his to finally put this chapter to it's eternal rest... but not before flint comes in and tragically jurgen's monster dies.

I'm.. still not over it but i've been asured he returns somehow. And there's no time to punch flint for this as it turns out the reason he dived in guns a blazing to see us earlier is that he needs our help: bosco isn't just missing... he's NOWHERE ON EARTH

Night of the Raving dead is one of my faviorite chapters writing wise, with lots of clever jokes, an all timer villian and tons of my faviorite characters.. and abe. The abe stuff drags it down slightly, but everything else is so good this is easily my second faviorite chapter of the games thus far behind Save the World's The Mafia, the Mole and the Meatball.

It still suffers from some of this games overarching issues: the puzzles are more obtuse, the writing can be a bit mean spirited, and I don't have a third thing. Beyond Time and Space thus far isn't BAD, and has legs up on it's predecessor with gorgeous environments, but it still feels a bit of a step back from the previous one. It's got a bigger budget.. but it's just not as fun as the later chapters of save the world. It's not a bad game, the writing is as sharp as ever and most of your terrible actions are too over the top to not be funny, but it dosen't have quite the charm the first one did.

Next Time: I .. genuinely dont' know. The descrption for this one is more vauge. the only thing I know for sure is we'll finally meet THEM

Thanks for reading

[cosmic-ships]

Please don't judge/make fun of me.

I got an anon earlier this morning about ...Ultimate f/o when.

Might be closer than I initially thought... There are scenes at the end of IX where he goes Exe.gol. Exe.gol has lightning, lots of it. I had to put it on mute and it was a hard watch the first time around. Like even looking at lightning is a pretty upsetting experience for me if it's realistic enough and I was incredibly uncomfortable.

I never muted a TV faster in my life because of the sounds, I got an awful feeling of dread and panic so I muted it. I had subtitles and that's how I watched the last part of the movie completely focused on the subtitles so I sort of drowned out the picture.

On my second time around however, after I've been through two of the other movies realizing I'm absolutely smitten by Ben I decided, I'll still keep the TV muted but whenever I am able too, I will focus all my attention to Ben when he is on screen and maybe it won't be so bad. I failed a couple time but every time I did I would go back and restart.

I was able, on my 30th try (Oh yeah I counted) To watch every scene Ben was in as he was in Exe.gol without having to pause or get up and move around, the uncomfortable feeling was gone. I still need to have the tv muted but it's a work in progress. I'm going to try and teach myself to overcome my astraphobia. Ben is going to help me get over my astraphobia- Because when I was focused on him I felt strong.

I know, this probably sounds really silly and really stupid to most of you who don't share the same fear that I do but to me this means so much. I developed Astraphobia when I was kindergarten and have lived with it ever since so for me to sit down and watch lightning on the screen of a TV without being afraid is a big deal to me. Eventually I will try with it unmuted as well but baby steps.

I have Ben to thank for that <3