#but yeah this is literally everything i could hope for truly. to me unconditional love isn’t liberally accepting toxicity from each other

[stuckinapril]

about unconditional love; sometimes i have to remind myself how lucky i am to have my best friend of 10+ years. consistent communication throughout that time, even with long distance after they moved 2 years later. we love each other very deeply, and if its not unconditional, then i dont know what is. i have rocky relationships with my parents, and their love does not feel safe, so having my best friend and meeting them at a young age (middle school) was definitely the universe throwing me a bone lol. and we didn’t realize when we first met just how important we would end up being to each other. but now we just see each other and know each other so intimately. ive learned so much about myself and navigating relationships because of our friendship. even when we disagree, its hard to take it personal because we have this mutual understanding that we are both operating from a place of true love for one another. i truly wish you and everyone gets to experience a love like this someday. its amazing. and it exists!

so very happy for you anon !! i do really hope i get to experience something similar to this one day

[helloamhere]

Hello! I just happened to see a reblog of This Multiplicity of Powers with your add about dealing with covid stuff, and I’m being shy bc that’s how in awe I am of your writing, but I wanted you to know that I’ve been recovering from long covid for the past 9 months and this fic was a literal turning point for me.

Idk how that even makes sense but the way you described Louis’ powers and feelings definitely intersected with the way my nervous system has been on the fritz and and the trauma of the whole experience and yeah. You deserve a more coherent message than this about it but I’m afraid if I wait and try to do that it’ll never get sent so I hope this will do!

And re being sick specifically, at this point I have a list of resources as long as my arm about what has gotten me from being bedridden for 3 mos to 2 Harry concerts - solo! On a train for an hour! - in one week, and daily long walks in the woods again, but I won’t share that unsolicited. however happy to come back/come off anon because the world NEEDS you well and making your art.

Like, I’m a professional writer irl, and have read plenty of literature, and probably tens of thousands of fics in the last 20 years and there’s maybe 5 authors in the whole of them I’d say this too—you have a gift unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The sentences you craft, the characters you create, the worlds you build?! The mythos?! Unfuckingbelievable.

Please stop believing in yourself in all of the levels you need to. Sending all the healing you’ve given me back at you. ❤️‍🔥🙏🏼

I saved this message like....like it was waiting for something that's too hot to pick up, but here I am a few days later and it's still burning my fingertips. I can't even tell you directly how much this meant to me because it's too hot to touch, too hard to look directly at it.

Thank you. I'm in pain and I'm scared and you have helped me so much with this one message. Thank you. I am so profoundly glad that TMOP spoke to you in a way that you could take up and do your own work with -- I fully believe that people read things and bring their own problem-solving genius to things and that when we write things we're mostly just trying to create a stage for someone to have their own process -- it's also just so SHOCKING to me, such a surprise to feel like everything I put in that story about bodies and healing and loving our fragile selves was helpful to real healing.

I would love to hear any of your resources about long covid. No obligation and do not fear or feel pressure, as I have a lot of support around me and a lot of access to information, but I am in the early days of struggling right now and truly having a hard time understanding what is happening and would welcome even just the comfort of other people's journeys (my current long covid experience seems focused on some kind of lung issue, like severe pain & tightness that just seemed to happen overnight even though I have no shortness of breath and all my cardiac health seems good). Feel free to send on anon or off, in any way you like. "long walks in the woods" is all I dream of right now. I am so happy for your progress and so full of warm wishes that it continue.

I've read this message over and over again. You are the reason I opened my novel manuscript file for the first time in a month, this weekend. I feel that healing you are sending back at me. Thank you for giving me this unconditional love and support. In the depths of all the bullshit right now your message feels like a literal gift from the universe.

[trampohlena]

Okay, so after last night’s episode I would just like to say that Supercorp IS Endgame. I’d also like to point out the various reasons as to why Kara and Lena are not only soulmates but true twin flames.

For those reading this post who have never heard of the term twin flame: “A twin flame is your own soul, shared across what appears to be two physical beings. It’s one soul, split into two bodies.” -Google’s definition.

For those who are spiritually inclined and have a proclivity for indulging esoteric philosophies; Lena and Kara are ABSOLUTELY twin FUCKING flames 🔥🔥🔥!!

Here are the reasons why:

1. Their drastically different childhoods that resulted in remarkably similar trauma.

Both Kara and Lena have experienced great loss throughout their life. Both mourned the death of their parents, and life as they knew it, at a very early age. Both were shipped off to a foreign land, forced to leave behind everything they knew, in hopes for a brighter/safer future.

Albeit, Lena got the shorter end of the stick in regards to unconditional love, but both were given a second chance and a new start...and yet, they still never fit in, or felt like they truly belonged.

Although they individually have dealt with said trauma in different ways (Lena by pushing away those who try to get too close, and Kara by holding on tightly to those she holds dear) both of their actions are motivated by the same subconscious fear that they HAVE never and WILL never TRULY belong. All while yearning for a sense of “home”.

2. They are opposite reflections of each other; true “mirror souls”, if you will.

Physically, aesthetically, economically, and emotionally—they are complete “mirrors” of one another.

Kara is strong, physically powerful, cut from marble, all hard edges and sharp lines—except for her face. Lena is clearly not as physically powerful, she is soft, all curves, and exudes the grace of the Devine feminine energy—except for her face, which is hard edges and sharp jaw lines. You see what I’m saying?

Aesthetically and economically go hand in hand of course. Lena’s exorbitant wealth is evident in her high-end designer appearance; whereas Kara’s aesthetic is more humble and grounded, and prioritizes comfort over “fashion”. (Let’s admit it. Some of Kara’s fashion choices have been questionable. She clearly rocks the chinos and button-downs better than anything else in that eclectic closet of hers she refuses to come out of 😏)

Emotionally...oh honey. Do I need to say more? I won’t say much but I will say this: Kara is the sun and Lena is the moon. They compliment each other in a way that ensures the world keeps turning.

3. Their individual strengths are the other’s individual weakness and vice versa.

Goes along with the aforementioned “opposite reflection” point above but I’ll expand a bit further in regards to their specific personality traits.

Lena is predominately analytically driven, whereas Kara is emotionally driven. Lena is good in crowds, Kara is not (overwhelmed). Lena is introverted, Kara is extroverted. Lena is detail oriented and has the memory of an elephant, Kara is clumsy and as forgetful as a Pisces (but hey, she has a lot on her plate and barely any free time to balance it). Lena eats like a rabbit-bird-hybrid and Kara eats like a garbage disposal. Kara loves giving and receiving hugs and other forms of physical affection whereas Lena does not (UNLESS it’s from Kara, of course). Etc. Etc. you get the picture.

4. Now this one is the DEAD GIVEAWAY. Undeniable, irrefutable PROOF that Lena and Kara are twin flames.

They are LITERALLY completing what is know as the Twin Flame Journey or the Twin Flame Union.

The stages of Twin Flame Union are roughly as follows:

1. Yearning for “the one”. I think every human being that believes in love experiences this whether it’s throughout their entire life, or only their adult life until they meet this person but yeah. You get it. Kara has always wanted that “Wapow!” moment.

2. Glimpsing/meeting “the one”. Whether it’s only for a short moment, an extended meeting, or perhaps merely locking eyes with them as you pass each other by...you feel immediately connected. There is an instant soul recognition when meeting them, so much so that you could have sworn you’ve met them before or that it’s as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.

Remember when Kara met Lena? And she was gaga-eyed over Lena? Or when Lena felt so comfortable around a new acquaintance that she granted an almost stranger unbridled access to her office? Or how about when Red Daughter flew to America (the country she was taught to hate), with no recollection/memories of Kara’s relationship with Lena (again, the woman she was taught to hate), all because she felt PULLED to do so. And then when she did meet Lena she looked at her and practically drooled over her as if Lena was a double XL cheeseburger with extra special sauce from Big Belly Burger? Like, biiiitch 👀

3. Falling in love. Need I say more? Fine, again, I will. You CANNOT tell me that there is no way in hell that these two morons are anything BUT in love with each other. That’s a lot of double negatives and I appplogize so let me reiterate for clarification: THEY ARE IN LOVE AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!

And at this point is it so freaking BEYOND platonic love, the show cannot explain it away or sweep it under the “just close friends” rug. No. Kara used her Fifth Dimensional Wish (she literally could have wished her entire planet didn’t explode) and she said “make Lena not mad at me, I’m sad 😔” 👀. Mmmkay. Not to mention Lena picking Supergirl over Jack, her former lover. Or the plethora of other times Lena chose Kara/Supergirl over everyone else she knew. Mmkay.

4. The fairytale relationship/friendship. Lena has finally found someone she can depend on, be vulnerable with, support her without judgement, trust with her life etc. and Kara has finally found a true best friend, not her sister, not Kenny who she didn’t realize was her best friend till after he passed? And now he’s not dead?? But her one true best friend that she felt she didn’t need to be neither Supergirl, nor Kara Danvers, but rather Kara Zor-El around (despite Lena not knowing that little tidbit of information).

They were each other’s best friend. Each other’s person. They were happy.

5. Outer Turmoil and Inner Purging—Supergirl and Lena fight. Lena still does not know that Kara is indeed Supergirl and does not pick up on the brewing tension between herself and Kara.

Kara of course is riddled with guilt and her relationship with Lena becomes strained. This outer turmoil creates inner purging by bringing out negative traits in each other. I.E. Lena hiding kryptonite and also Kara asking James to spy on her. Shit gets messy but they still try to make it work.

6. The Runner and the Chaser/Separation Stage—Tensions mount between the two and Lena FINALLY learns about Kara’s secret. And she has a choice to make. So what does she do? She runs. Not physically but emotionally. She completely withdraws from not only Kara and their friends but also withdraws from herself.

She literally experiences cognitive dissonance and becomes someone she is not. Someone other people made her believe she was on the inside, even though Kara knows that it isn’t. And so, Kara chases her.

Lena becomes the runner and Kara becomes the chaser as they navigate this separation stage.

Continuously running and continuously chasing.

7. The Surrender and dissolution stage—they’re fucking done. They’re tired. They’re exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally after all the bullshit they put each other through as well as all the bullshit Lex and the Phantom Zone put them through.

They come to an impasse in regards to Lex and realize the only way to defeat him is to work together, as a team. (El Mayarah anyone?)

They surrender to their emotions and to each other as their egos dissolve and their souls expand after having learned invaluable life lessons. The major one being: THEY CANNOT LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT EACH OTHER!

8. The last stage that we have yet to see but we fucking better or else I’m gonna January 6 the CW studio building—“Oneness”.

This time, I’m not gonna say more.

So, in conclusion: Supercorp is Endgame because Lena Luthor and Kara Zor-El Danvers are the literal definition of a twin flame, soulmate connection. They are the same soul, manifested in two physical forms, for the sole purpose of expanding their soul’s consciousness.

They deserve to be happy, they deserve to be together. Not only does their union parallel some of the greatest love stories throughout history, i.e. Romeo and Juliet, Darcy and Bennet, Superman and Lois (duh) it would also break the curse of generational karma and illustrate to anybody who watches the show that the only person who defines who you are is YOU. Not a name, not a legacy, not society’s expectations, YOU. And most importantly of ALL...it would showcase that love truly does conquer all.

I rest my case.

TPTB, make Supercorp Endgame or kick rocks ✌️😘

Sincerely,

An empassioned fan with way too much time on her hands.

[thisdreamplace]

meditation, the ego vs god, timing, + self

hello y’all. :) i’d like to share some of my own contemplations/realizations during my short time away.

as i spent some time within, i was truly able to create a safe space for myself. i adore meditation more than ever, and i truly urge anyone who has not yet tried it to give a fair shot. meditation experiences tend to feel strange to explain, so bear with me. but in my little safe space i created in my mind, i am able to totally tap into my Godself and the unconditional and infinite love within. it’s truly such a lovely experience!! in this space, i know who i really am and i know that everything comes from me. i know that i am in everything. and the security and love i feel here is wonderful. it truly allows me to operate on a more secure foundation outside of meditation. being able to go within in such a way, is so liberating. especially when you know consciousness is the only reality, you know you never meditate in vain

another thing i wanted to touch on, which was really the basis for my lil hiatus, is the ego vs god and how these two things tend to play a role in the law. let’s get one thing straight before i continue: your reality, your rules. period. i have always said this and it will never cease to be true. it will always be true. if something doesn’t work for you, doesn’t sit right for you, whatever, you mustn’t ever need to continue on with it. you get to decide, no one decides for you.

anyway, i think that many who come into the law tend to merge the ego and god together and there was a separation i had to make, for things to really begin to feel right for me. for example, the ego operates from fear. so, the ego says “i want this instantly!” the ego says “maybe im not doing it right” the ego says lots of different things but the point is it operates off of fear. while god is operating from love and in this way, nothing is ever wrong. nothing is ever too fast or too slow. there is a complete understanding of the love that is behind every illusion and when you relax into that, well, what could ever be wrong? i hope this is making sense, it feels a little difficult to explain well.

manifestations can happen instantly, we all know this by now. the issue is when they don’t happen instantly... or in a few days... or in a couple weeks. we panic. we must be doing something wrong “because so-and-so said it should take 2 weeks max and this person always gets their manifestation in hours, so what am i doing wrong?”

“everything has it’s own appointed hour” Neville said this and for those of us who have followed every little hack and “if you do this you WILL see results in 24 hours” advices that didnt work, perhaps, taking this advice is the key... to just... relax. and allow yourself to be. take a moment to try it: everything has it’s own appointed hour, your mental labor will bear fruit. it’s already yours and yeah, let’s dare to say that there is a delay in the 3D world. (i know, so many people hate this idea. but try it and see how you feel.) let’s say the 3D is the past and your imagination is the present. there is a bridge of events that takes place and the thing is, everything is unfolding perfectly for your manifestation despite what anyone else says. perhaps, look at your world from the eyes of god (love) instead of the eyes of the ego (fear).

for me, everything became so much more relaxing and fun when i became able to look at the circumstances and be like “oh yeah! these don’t matter. this is part of something that is no longer me, consciousness is the only reality and i have proof of all i am and all i have within.” there is literally nothing to worry about anymore. not even when things seem to be not happening in my favor. it’s all just an illusion.

before i took on this mindset, undesirable circumstances made me crumble. i would look the 3D in the face and be fine... but days would pass and i would collapse. because, i had persisted for X amount of time and it still wasn’t working!! what was i doing wrong? surely something must be wrong!! because i should be getting these instant results, right?

my point is, if you’re a person who is always feeling like it’s you against time, always feeling like you need to find that next thing that’s going to make it all click... perhaps take this approach and stop feeling the need to listen to anyone who says you’re not doing it right because of the amount of time that’s passed. maybe it’s not so crazy to not need to be in control of everything, all the time. maybe that’s part of what makes manifestation fun and effortless instead.

finally, i’d like to talk about self: becoming fulfilled within. when i let go of this idea of not doing things right and quite honestly, accepting that perhaps... i am exactly where i need to be and everything that i want is mine regardless of anything, well it became easy to move into the states i want to embody and stay there. why? because i don’t need outside permission to feel it. i follow no clock, i follow no rules of another of how to do this “right.” i don’t need this person to validate me, and i don’t need this job validate me, because i can say so on my own. because even when everything outside of me looks so ugly, i have the ability to choose the love within. to see with the eyes of god and simply allow everything to be. i no longer need to get so carried away with the outer world and it’s illusions. and even on the moments i do get so carried away, i can immediately go back to that lovely place where my Godself awaits and i am showered in unconditional love. because that is who i truly am. it is who we all truly are.

i gently ask myself, “is this desirable?” when my mind feels the need to contemplate undesirable things, and it’s easy to respond “no” and refocus. i am in no race, i feel no need to prove anything to anyone. i just want to be and in being, i am fulfilled and entirely filled by love. when i know my consciousness is the only reality, well i have no reason not to do what i want in my mind. to hear the good news i want in my mind, to be who i want to be and have what i want to have. all judgment towards my desires melts away and i no longer feel the need to condition them or mold them to the way the 3D looks. i can be bold and move as i want to move within my mind. and even in the moments i don’t feel so bold and ready to face the world, well i know that there is a place within me that awaits my return at all times, and that is the unconditional love that i truly am.

💖🌈✨🌺

[handonhaven]

Since 3x16 people have been saying that this episode just proves yet again that their relationship is bad and that Hope doesn't really love Landon because she didn't know twice that it wasn't really Landon. Alright let me just pull out some quotes that Hope said. "I wanted it to you so badly that I didn't question it." "You're acting like a completely different person." So some small part of her knew that there was a chance however big or small that it might not have been him. But she just didn't let herself see or question that. Because of all the pain she went through with how she lost him and what she went through trying to find him. So if she let herself question it or anything because if she did and she found out that it wasn't Landon she would be letting all the pain in yet again. And she would have to face one of two things. 1 that Landon might actually be dead and it would be her fault. 2 that Landon was still stuck in the prison world with no way of getting him out because the ascendant was broken/ he was stuck there with malivore and/or malivore now has him. As for the second time that fear was just doubled. And she would start blaming herself for what happen to him and would have to live with that. Because I think she still blames(and lives with) thinking it's her fault that her parents and uncle are dead.

Also lets be honest people if anyone of you went through what Hope has and is going through. I bet you would do and feel the same as Hope. Because I know I would. I wouldn't want to let all that in and face the fact that the person I'm in love with is either dead(and i believe it's my fault) or that he's suffering all alone and there's no way for me to help or save him.

So no that doesn't mean Handons relationship is bad or that Hope doesn't love Landon. It means that Hope has been through so much shit when it comes to losing to people she loves and how she loses them. She just so traumatized when it comes to things like that. And there's nothing wrong with that. I do think that Hope needs help when it comes with that. But it has nothing to do with her relationship with Landon or her love for him.

Anyways sorry if that got a little long.

Ugh, yeah I’ve been seeing that. Ridiculous. Exactly, very good point with those quotes. There was part of her that knew. But yes, she was trying to protect herself from more pain and she had gone through so much to get him back. And so true, for her to believe it wasn’t him would mean that her worst fear had come true, that he really was dead, or stuck in the prison world with no way out. And then with the second time, there definitely would have been even more fear and guilt and pain involved for her to believe it wasn’t really him again. The fact that she went through learning it wasn’t him once was shocking and traumatizing enough, so just imagine how terrifying and painful for her it would’ve been to consider the possibility that it wasn’t him again! And yes, she probably would’ve blamed herself. I agree, I do think she still lives with guilt from her parents’ and Elijah’s deaths. That has deeply affected her, so I’m sure that was a factor as well.

And ikr, these people can’t even be understanding of what Hope was going through in order to see things from her perspective. I would’ve been the same way too, I just can’t imagine going through all that she did and then having to face the possibility that it wasn’t actually Landon, that it was a lie, and that she had truly lost the person who is most important to her. So of course she was trying to protect herself from that.

But also, people need to consider the circumstances as well. Because with golem Landon, he was literally created from Hope’s memories of Landon. He was based off of how Hope saw him, so obviously she didn’t realize it wasn’t him because that was how she saw him. And when you add that to the all the other reasons you said, it makes sense why she didn’t know it wasn’t him. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t know Landon, it actually means she knows him so well that her memories of him made him seem that real to her. And then with Malivore, that entire thing happened in such a way that made it entirely believable that it was actually Landon. They had us all convinced that it was the real Landon. With the necklaces, first of all, which seemed like proof enough. Because what were the odds of it not being Landon again? It was crazy enough that it happened once. But Hope was still worried, and had done a locator spell as well to make sure it was really him. So those things alone were convincing enough to make her think it was the real Landon. And then Landon understandably having PTSD was the perfect excuse for Landon to be acting different. We all believed it was a result of his trauma. And Hope should know better than anyone how trauma can change people. So it made perfect sense why Landon was acting different and had changed after all he’d been through. We still don’t even know how Landon will be affected after all of this once they finally get him back, he could still end up being different because he’s gone through one horrific trauma after another the entire season. So of course Hope was trying to be understanding of his trauma. Rather than suspecting him, she was choosing to be patient and support him and show him unconditional love and not judge him after everything that had happened. So how can anyone criticize her for that? What was she supposed to do under those circumstances where she believed trauma was involved? And she’d also only been around him for one day. If she had seen more, she probably would have noticed other things about him that couldn’t be excused by trauma.

So in both cases, Hope did not realize it wasn’t Landon because she was being tricked and manipulated, in ways that made both Landons very convincing, when she was also traumatized and at her most vulnerable and desperate. On top of all the things that you said as well. It wasn’t because she doesn’t really know Landon. There were many reasons that contributed to her not realizing it wasn’t him. Exactly, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him or that they have a bad relationship, it’s not even about that. It’s about all these other things. And yes, Hope is so traumatized, and I hope both her and Landon can get help after this insanity that they’ve been through. But yeah, people shouldn’t be saying all this stuff about Hope not knowing, especially when they don’t even take into account all of what was going on and the state she was in.

And it’s totally fine! My response got super long, as it often does, haha.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

In the scene right after Soren and the troops almost find the assassins, Runaan turns to Rayla with a cutting voice and almost sounding hateful says, “You lied to me.” This scene hurts - she’s like his daughter. What do you think he was thinking? What was she thinking?

You mean this right here:

Where Runaan’s literally baring his teeth at her like he’s about to attack her?

Yeah, he’s very suddenly having a Really Bad Day.

But consider this look as well:

He looks gobsmacked, stunned, hurt even. How could you, Rayla? How could YOU do this? He’s taking her betrayal personally, despite his position as the group leader and Rayla’s boss. His words focus on the team’s immediate problems, but this look that flashes across his face is pure bewildered hurt. A crack in his armor. He loses his cool, and he yells at her. Because he loves and trusts Rayla and she doesn’t come through for him. He doesn’t understand yet that she wasn’t ready, that it’s his error in judgement that’s put them all here. His pride got in his own way, and he walked into this disaster like he stepped on a rake in the yard.

I’ve thought about this scene a lot, because despite how short it is, there’s a lot going on, besides that flash of angry pain on his face.

First of all, no one else says a darn thing. They stay out of it. It’s Runaan’s job as the squad leader to handle disciplinary issues. But you can tell by their faces they’re not happy with Rayla either.

Runaan’s mad about several things at once, because he’s a complicated elf in a complicated situation. He doesn’t know where to direct his anger yet because he hasn’t had any time to contemplate his own failure yet (but he gets there in like five minutes, don’t worry). So all he’s got right now is Rayla inexplicably flubbing up, after all the time and effort they both spent on her training. 

She asked to go with him to avenge her parents’ honor, and then she flopped when he gave her the chance to prove herself early on by killing Marcos. He’s ghosted his best friends and now their daughter is going to get him killed. Ethari said her heart was too soft. His team had to sit someone out so Rayla could have their spot. And on top of all of that, Runaan clearly expects a close and truthful relationship with Rayla, no matter what roles they’re fulfilling at the moment. She’s seemingly betrayed him on just about every level there is: personal, professional, societal, familial.

He’s hurt. He’s furious. He plans his missions carefully and accounts for plenty of variables. But he never once calculated for Rayla letting him down.

Runaan’s sin is pride, and it shows itself in his overconfidence. He’s so certain that he’s right about Rayla that he makes a big ol’ Moonshadow promise to Ethari that he’ll come home safe. It sounds sweet as heck. But though he’s definitely trying to reassure Ethari that everything will be okay, he’s also basically saying “…because I’m right and you’re not.”

Ouch, fam.

Maybe Runaan trusts a little too much in the illusion of success. Just because all the pieces are there–Rayla’s parents’ honor can be redeemed, Rayla herself volunteered, Runaan is exactly who Rayla needs to help her redeem that honor because he’s the leader of the assassins being sent after Harrow, he and Rayla both care about each other and her parents very much, the big gash in their family stability can be mended if Rayla can avenge Avizandum’s death–*sucks in a deep breath* ...doesn’t mean that they have to fit together. 

In fact, the one piece at the center of Runaan’s puzzle, the one critical piece that he absolutely needed to fit in order to hold everything together, was Rayla. And she didn’t fit. That wasn’t the puzzle where she belonged, after all. 

But again, as of this moment, Ruanan hasn’t gotten there yet. Right here, Runaan’s struggling on several levels with the fact that he’s just been surprised. He thought he knew all the variables to this mission. He’s been on emotional lockdown for months, but in general, he seems very much to be an Art of War kind of elf. He thought he could predict the outcome, feels or no, because he believed he understood all of the situational moving parts. But Rayla lied to him, and he didn’t think she’d ever have anything to lie about. Not to him. And yet, there they are, struggling over truth when so very much is at stake.

His mission. Everyone’s lives. Her family’s honor. Their bond of trust. Xadia’s peace. Their family stability. 

It was too much even for his practiced control. He lost his temper and he yelled at Rayla.

We didn’t get to see what happened between the end of S1E1 and the start of S1E2, but I bet it wasn’t more than a few minutes. Runaan didn’t get to be in charge of the assassins by being a hothead who couldn’t focus under pressure. He hopped right back on task, climbed that tree with just one elf–and it wasn’t Rayla–and focused on what to do next. And when we hear him speak in the tree, he’s all calm again. He’s got his temper under control, where it needs to be. His anger–his feelings–aren’t nearly as important as this mission going right. So he sets it aside and thinks his way through with the options he has remaining.

By the time he’s walking Rayla out to her rock, it’s been maybe ten minutes? since Rayla ruined the mission and doomed everyone to probable death. And you know what he does then? He talks softly with her, admits he was wrong, and he says as directly as he can–for a Moonshadow–that this isn’t her fault, it’s his. He misjudged her readiness. (Subtext: Ethari was right.)

Because his feelings aren’t important. He just needed to fix the fact that he lost his temper at his daughter for something that wasn’t her fault. And so he jumped straight into setting things right.

Yeah, he did lose his temper for a hot minute. But once he regained control again, he was so soft with his daughter. He expected to die in battle in a few hours. And yet he stayed calm and focused and gentle with her, giving her a task that would keep her alive and send her home safely to Ethari.

For the record, he never loses his temper again. The next time Rayla disobeys him, he’s cold with her. He knows what she’s capable of now, and he adds that to his calculations before the sun even sets.

And he still lets her go in the end. Runaan’s got a very pretty voice, but you gotta watch what he does to see how he truly feels about people (Tony Stark has the same issue, you can’t change my mind because I’m right). 

There’s no contradiction in being furiously disappointed in someone and loving them so much that you’ll die to save them. That’s called unconditional love, and Runaan has that for Rayla (you can’t change my mind on that either).

But let’s look at Rayla, too, because her perspective is vital here. Not only to this scene, but to the show as a whole, and this scene is one of the defining moments for her early character development.

The very first words Rayla says to Runaan are an apology. She blurts it out in a tumble, needing to get that out first, before she even starts to explain. She’s known all along what could happen. She’s tried to ask him about it, but she was too scared to admit why, and Runaan just interpreted her question as first-mission jitters and reassured her. Which made her feel even worse.

She’s been living in a state of nervous worry all day, afraid of Runaan’s judgment if he found out what she’d done. How she let him down. Even if things went smoothly, his disappointment would weigh so heavily on her. She knows what’s at stake almost as much as he does. But her parents aren’t out here. The Dragon Queen isn’t out here. The Silvergrove isn’t out here. It’s Runaan who’s going to look her in the eyes and judge her if she fails. And he occupies so many roles for Rayla that she’ll feel she’s failed in every single aspect of their relationship.

Rayla already knows she’s in over her head. She’s just trying to hold her breath and survive until someone else can yank her out of the water. But she doesn’t make it, and neither does anyone else.

Rayla’s character arc begins with her not knowing herself. She’s never truly been tested. So she’s scrambling, emotionally and situationally, to cover her mistakes that day, to hide them from Runaan, as if they’re at home and she’s risking nothing more than grounding or extra chores. She truly doesn’t understand yet that lives are at stake, that they’ll be lost. Not until Runaan tells her--yells it at her, really. 

And then, finally, it hits her.

This isn’t the look of an elf who regrets getting caught in a lie. This is the look of a child who’s having a horrible realization about what she’s done. She really didn’t get it until this moment.

In her defense, she probably thought Runaan could save the situation no matter what. She probably chided herself for doubting him as she convinced herself she could cover up her little sins. But then he lost his temper and told her he couldn’t save anyone. Not his team, not even himself.

This is Rayla’s “We’re not in the Silvergrove anymore” moment. There’s no family safety net, there’s no going home and trying again tomorrow. Training’s over. This is pass/fail time, and Rayla just failed.

It seems to come as a bit of a shock to her. I gotta wonder whether Runaan really prepared her for this side of being an assassin. Maybe he assumed she’d just follow obediently wherever he pointed because that’s what would get them home and back to normal as quickly as possible. Maybe he was too self-isolating in his feels and honestly didn’t pick up on her uncertainties. Maybe he just didn’t want to deal with them because they were soft and messy, and he thought he could train them out of her with hard work.

He done her wrong, however that fell out. Rayla was in no way ready to kill people. She was just an angry, scared, devastated kid who missed her parents. And Runaan was so far away from his feelings--by choice--that he turned her into a playing piece on his strategy board, hoping to use her the same as all his other assassins to set things right.

Rayla recovers nearly as quickly as Runaan does after he yells at her, though. She lets him give his speech on the way to the rock, but once he’s gone, she needs about ten seconds before she’s also making a plan to set things right. Runaan’s already angry and disappointed--it can’t get any worse, can it? ahaha oh Rayla And she can get back in his good graces if she can just convince herself to do what she volunteered to do in the first place.

She tries, she tries really hard. But fate gets in her way and we never learn whether Rayla could’ve killed Callum or not. Does Rayla know if she’d have been able to go through with it? I think deep down she does know: Runaan was right. She’d have hesitated again.

And from this utter failure to fit into Runaan’s world, to live up to his expectations, Rayla has to start building her character up all over again. She thought she had a solid identity built up, but it crumbled like a pyramid of stacked cups. With Callum, Ezran, and Zym, she learns who she really is underneath her fear, underneath her anger, her worry, her losses.

Underneath, Rayla’s a hero. And we got to see it rise to the surface. 

Realizations that come packed with emotional punch tend to stick with us longer and harder. Whether we want to or not *coughRunaancough* we run on emotion as much as logic, if not more. So when Rayla got smacked with the truth of what her actions--and her inaction--had caused, it sank deep. And she determined, over the next couple of weeks, to work on fixing that part of her. 

The talk she had with Ezran halfway up the Cursed Caldera really helped her understand that sometimes hesitating doesn’t come from fear, but from a place of disagreement. I think that added a critical piece of development to her character. Lujanne’s illusion telling her “Turn back before it gets you too!” is basically fate telling her not to be an assassin, because that way lies death. And she needs to process that she wasn’t afraid to do what Runaan asked. She just disagreed with him. Rayla chooses to be a hero because it’s the right thing to do. She doesn’t run to it because she’s afraid of becoming an assassin.

The biggest support in Rayla’s journey over the past month was Callum’s. He was right there when Rayla broke ways with Runaan. He knows who Runaan is in Rayla’s life. He knows that she failed him despite wanting to do what he asked. He knows about her parents, the Silvergrove, and the whole mess of Rayla’s emotional battlefield. And he loves her anyway. 

Rayla just needs someone with feels to tell her that it’s okay to be who she is. That could’ve been Ethari, if he weren’t pounding metal all day long to channel his own feels. That could’ve been Runaan, if he weren’t busy being everyone’s rock of support and justice and action and results and focus. But it’s Callum. Because Callum was there, and he made Rayla his priority. Callum doesn’t have a village to support. He’s on his own, adventuring across Xadia. Rayla and Ezran are all he has. And he pours himself into both of them. They’re his village, his world. And that’s exactly what Rayla needs. It’s what she’s always needed.

Runaan sent her off on her character development quest. And Callum was there to catch her at the end.

[daddystevee]

The Only Exception

(Steve Harrington x reader)

Bleh i feel like this has potential but like i feel like i absolutely butchered it.. :( but i redeemed myself in the end i think. Heh were gonna pretend that Paramore was a thing in the 80s because why the fuck not. This fic was written with the help of tiktok aus and The Only Exception by paramore heh.

Wordcount: 2.5k

Warnings: a few curse words, a small panic attack situation, mention of a gun, and lots of angst spelling and bad grammar??

Summary: an AU in which everyone has a soulmate, on your 20th birthday a number pops up on your wrist telling you how far away you are from them. Reader has a hard time with love and believing in good things associated with love.

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Soulmates are a tricky thing. Growing up you were told that soulmates are supposed to be someone that just gets you. A connection of minds, a mutual respect, an unconditional love and a total understanding. It was about being yourself and knowing, not only that person is following and understanding your thoughts, but is right there with you, side by side. 

But in reality, soulmates were determined by a couple of numbers that would pop on your wrists, telling you how far apart the two of you were on your 20th birthday. You weren’t sure who came up with the idea, but you hoped they realized how dumb it was. Sometimes there were people who really wouldn’t ever find their other half.

When you were younger, you never really realized how much your parents would argue. But what you did notice was that your mom and dad’s numbers on their wrists weren’t at 0 or at least in the lower single digits, your moms was 358 and your dads was 690. Meaning that they weren’t really soulmates, just two people who put up with each other's bullshit for no reason. Making you believe that you didn’t necessarily need your soulmate to be “happy”.

As you got older, you started to see the major flaws in your parents relationship. Your parents were constantly yelling at each other for no reason. Everything changed the day your father pulled a gun on both you and your mother. After that, your mother packed up everything the two of you had and ran, as far away as she could with your father constantly knowing how far away you were. 

From that day forward, you vowed to never let your guard down. Never letting yourself fall in love and to forever believe that no matter what number popped up on your wrist, soulmates didn’t exist.

><

After running from your biological father for what seemed like years, the two of you ended up in a boring little town called Hawkins, Indiana. Where you would start your life over for the first time at the age of 12. Over the next 5 years you would learn that Hawkins was not a boring town because at the beginning of your junior year of high school, at 17 years old you would get sucked into this dark place that looked just like home, but it wasn’t.

You somehow survive, running from a scary creature that would open its face and eat anything in its path. No matter what you did, it seemed like you could never run away from this thing. You would experience this insane encounter alongside a 12 year old, who you would learn is named Will Byers. After what felt like months you would finally be rescued. 

You would eventually go back to school to finish out your junior year of high school, but not without making friends with Will and a bunch of other 12 year olds. Along with the kids came automatic friendships with the older siblings as well, including Steve.

A year after your first experience with the Upside Down everything was fine and normal, you thought that it was all over. Boy were you wrong, Will started to have these visions of the alternate universe the two of you had been trapped in.

You were fine but knew this creature and that world better than anyone else, so as much as you really didn’t want to, you opted to help out as much as you could staying close to the other kids and really just making sure that they were safe. They were your family after all. 

As the battle went on you grew closer to Steve Harrington, learning to call him your best friend. He was the only one who you knew well enough and could get you to open up and let your guard down a little bit, but you had to tough it out because you made a promise to yourself and you had to keep it. You couldn’t take that risk. The boy had some sort of soft spot in your heart and you refused to believe it and would never let anyone know about it.

><

May 29th, 1985 was a sad day for everyone, it was the day you would be moving away from everything you had. All of the kids, Nancy, Jonathan, and your best friend Steve. Steve, the boy who you had grown up beside, the boy you fought inter-dimensional monsters with.

You were driving across the country to go to the University of Southern California. Saying that this wasn’t an easy choice would be a lie. You knew exactly what you were doing, running away from your fears, that was all you knew how to do but you knew that if you didn’t leave now you would never get out of there. You always have to put your safety and mental health first, and that’s exactly what you were doing.

“Promise you’ll call every day?” Steve asks you, pulling you into a hug. 

“Only if you promise to answer.” you say with a sad laugh, you never planned on ever calling home.

>< 

Here you were, in Los Angeles, California. 2,105 miles away from home. An entire year later and you still hadn’t called home, if that's what you would even call it. You refused to associate yourself with that place ever again and had completely wiped that section of your life from your memories. A voice in the back of your mind was constantly calling you back, but you always ignored it.You were starting your life completely over for the second time, at 19 years old, in California. You lived in a two bedroom apartment with your new best friend and her ‘soulmate’. While you were happy for them, you couldn’t help but be jealous of their happiness.

><

It was your 20th birthday, and you had no plan on looking to see how far your soulmate was from you. You didn’t care, all soulmate’s were shit and ‘happily ever after’s’ didn’t actually exist. You planned on just getting drunk with your friend and forgetting about life for a night.

“So I was thinking we could go to a karaoke bar tonight? How does that sound?” your best friend Logan asked you walking out of her and her boyfriend’s shared room

“I mean I suck at singing but-”

“Yeah, but being drunk makes everyone a great singer” 

“I guess so. Just us right?” you asked, while Logan and her boyfriend were cute you honestly hated third wheeling it always made you feel some sort of way. Jealous maybe?

“Of course! Now let's get you ready! You never know you might just bump into someone special” she says wiggling her eyebrows.

“Yeah, not gonna happen” you say unamused, rolling your eyes while walking off to your room to get ready.

><

“Come on Y/N, you’ve gotta sing at least one song while we're here.” your best friend slurred while pulling you along behind her, obviously too drunk for her own good. You ended up not drinking as much as you had planned, but the two of you had to get home somehow.

“I’m not drunk enough, you might be but I am most certainly...” but before you could object anymore she had already chosen a song and shoved a microphone in your hand pushing you onto the stage. “.. what the fuck? I don’t even know what song this is?”

“Yes you do! I hear you singing it in your room all hours of the night..” she says stumbling off into the crowd. 

The beginning chords to the song start to play over the speakers and you know exactly what song it is. You looked down at the microphone in your hand and refused to look up at the audience, yet the words came out of your mouth naturally, as easy as breathing. No one truly knew your story, except one person. That person was Steve Harrington. The one who always brought butterflies to your stomach even though you told yourself that this was wrong. 

“Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul, that love never lasts.”

You had beat yourself up over it for months, you refused to let him get in the way. You were never going to be happy, that was just how this worked. 

“But you are, the only exception”

Maybe there were exceptions in the world and you just weren’t lucky enough to believe in that shit. 

“You are, the only exception”

Something in your gut told you to look up at the crowd and expected to look for Logan among all of the people. 

“You are, the only exception”

What you didn’t expect to see was a familiar set of brown eyes looking at you from the back of the room.

“You are, the only exception”

You suddenly felt like it was impossible to breathe but you were still singing out the words from your heart. 

“Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.”

As you sang the last words of the song you dropped the mic, making a break for the side exit door, not thinking about your drunk friend at this moment. You just had to get out of there without having to talk to him. You didn’t get very far before you felt a hand grab onto your wrist,

“Let go of me!” you tried to jerk away from him but his grip was strong. You turned to him and attempted to pull his hand off of your wrist all while avoiding his eyes. “What’s your problem?” you ask frustrated.

“What’s my problem? What’s your problem?” he says, you stop trying to pull away and he lets go of your arm you could feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of your face. “You left, and none of us heard from you for a year. The kids literally thought you were dead.”

“Yeah well-” you say with a shrug but are suddenly at a loss for words.

“Yeah well what? You promised you’d call. I waited and waited and waited for months and got nothing.” he says, and without looking at him you could tell that he was really upset about it.

“Well…” you say while thinking of a bullshit excuse, “I suck at keeping promises, so I don’t know why you’d hold me to it.”

“Promises?” he scoffs, “You suck at keeping promises? Yet keep an eight year promise to yourself?”

“That’s different.”

“Y/N, you've made plenty of promises to me in the past and always kept them. I don’t know what was so different about this one. All you had to do was make one simple phone call.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to call you. Did you think about that? Maybe I wanted nothing to do with you guys again!” you yell at him, “How the hell did you find me anyways?”

It went completely silent. You could hear a pen drop in the parking lot.

“I- I don’t really think that, that's important..”

“Steve, how the hell did you find me?” you ask finally looking up at him for the first time in a year.

“Well, I know where you moved to.. Because you know you told me what college you were going to before you left.” 

“Yes, but how did you know exactly where to find me?”

Steve reaches down to pull up his sleeves of his jean jacket to show you the numbers on his wrist. You refuse to look at it, continuing to look up at his face shaking your head in denial.

“No, there’s no way. It’s not possible.” 

“Have you looked at your wrist yet today?”

“No, I told myself that it wasn’t important and that it didn’t matter.”

“Look at it then.” he says grabbing your hand. But as he does this you quickly pull your hand away from him. grabbing onto your wrist.

The voice in the back of your head tells you not to do it, but your heart says otherwise. For whatever reason you listen to your heart for the first time in a while and slowly pull up the mesh material that was covering your arms. Your eyes are squeezed shut, but when you know you’ve got your wrist uncovered you open your eyes and look down. Tears are suddenly streaming down your face, sure enough there was a perfectly placed ‘0’ on both of your wrists. 

“No- soulmates they- they aren’t real.” you start to stutter over your words “This isn’t going to work. I know how this ends, and it’s not good.” you start to hyperventilate thinking about your parents. Knowing that everything went wrong and there was no good to this. 

Steve places his hands on your shoulders to calm you down, “Hey, relax. It's okay, you're going to be okay.” He slowly pulled you into a hug.

“Is this- a dream?” you ask in between short breaths pulling him closer to you.

“It kinda feels like it but no, it's not.” he says resting his chin on top of your head.

The two of you stood there for a few moments taking in this new feeling. 

“I’m tired of running.”

“Then stop running, and walk.”

“But what if I stumble and fall?”

“Then, I’‘ll be there to catch you.”

After that night you ended up leaving USC and transferring to a local college near right outside of Hawkins. The kids were ecstatic to see you when you got home, pulling you in for a giant group hug.

“Don’t you ever leave us like that again.” Mike says to you  

“Yeah, we thought you died!” Dustin says dramatically squeezing you tighter.

“Well, I can promise you one thing right now.” you say looking to Steve, letting a small smile fall onto your lips, “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” 

“Steve, how did you find her?” Lucas asks as he pulls away. Steve looks at you and you both bull up your sleeves showing them your numbers being at ‘0’ and they all look between the two of you.

“Ewwww, they’re sOuLmAtEs” Dustin yells out, a taller dirty blond walks over and smacks him on the back of the head. 

“Shut up Dufus, let Dingus have his moment.” the girl says already knowing the story

“I don’t know who you are, but I love you already.”

“I’m Robin” she says sticking out her hand, but you were the happiest you had been in a long time so you just reached out and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m Y/N.” everyone stood there looking at the two of you before bursting into a fit of giggles, which turned into pointless laughter, making everyone double over.

Everyone’s story was different, and there was a lot of work to be done on yours but Steve was going to be there every step of the way. To show you that not everything was perfect, but everyone had their chance at a ‘happily ever after’.

[just-jammin]

Relighting

Word Count: 2024

Summary: The obscure yet infamous game of Sburb has probably caused some trauma & all-around bad times within the Chaos Family.

Their resident Protector can tell you all about it, and about how this predicament can be solved...

So. It’s been a while.

Not in the sense that I haven’t spoken to anyone in a while, just that I haven’t written a journal since... yeah, it wasn’t that long since I did that, but my point still stands.

Look, this whole Sburb thing is crazy ever since I first knew about it, but this is just outright ludicrous. The world-ending meteor shower, trying to process the abstract concepts & lore within the game, witnessing death itself... it’s not my cup of tea when it comes to first-hand experiences.

All of this reminds me of... something. It reminds me of a story that I’ve heard once while participating Mass, in a Homily. I can’t help it but think that it’s so much similar to our situation as of now.

How? I’ll tell it here.

>> —^— <<

In a dark, quiet room, there were four Candles.

Peace, Faith, Love, & Hope.

These four elements are very important to the story, as it is related to the people’s thoughts & actions. The Peace within the group, the Faith of triumph & joy, the unconditional Love for each other, and the Hope fueling our will to go on & go forth.

It’s all present in this session, as the Chaos Family. Even though we never formally met each other until the game started, and somehow one of us was accidentally sucked into it, we still have some camaraderie with each other.

And that’s when things started falling apart.

>> —^— <<

While talking to each other, the Candles noticed that Peace was melting.

You see, we never had proper Peace. We’re all about Chaos, right? But this is our kind of Peace; knowing that everyone is having fun & laughing along to our antics is our kind of Peace. It means that every single member is getting to know each other more.

Yet somehow, when we entered the Medium, things got serious. When I thought setting up a Zoom call tutorial thing for the extremely confused members was a mess, I didn’t expect our problems to be worse when we got our own Planets.

Don’t get me wrong, all of our Sprites did say that our Planets’ purpose was to strengthen ourselves. But all I could feel was insecurity. Scared of moving forward. And I bet the others felt that too.

Basically, our first impressions of our planets are outright Hell.

I think this is why fights started breaking out whenever we talked to each other. Whether it was a memo in Pesterchum (which we had to download), or just meeting up in one of the Planets, arguments are thrown here & there. Unfortunately, it escalated to rowdy fistfights that we had to have a hard time to let them struggle & break it up.

To be fair, sometimes I was in those fights. It was... rough.

Needless to say, this was a different kind of Chaos. It wasn’t the one we’re used to, nor the one that brings people together. It was the kind of Chaos that tears relationships apart and basically destroys everyone, inside & out.

When Peace had been standing in its final moments, it cried out, “Oh, what’s the use of me being here?! Everybody has been making a fool of themselves by causing nonsensical conflict!

“That’s it! I’m done here!”

There’s no Peace in there. Not anymore.

Its light flickers out.

>> —^— <<

There were three left.

And it had been for days.

Until one time, while the Candles were talking, they noticed that Faith was melting.

Faith. It’s hard to say when it was there in the first place.

I mean, to be fair, a lot of things are difficult to see in this Family, or the rest of Tumblr, actually. (Heh... I miss Tumblr...) But Faith comes in small things, like the friendships of others. And even full-on relationships. Little things like that can let us keep on believing that we can do better for ourselves.

That was... unfortunate.

Although entering the Medium was a win for all of us, there were also some losses for a handful of us.

It included our friends outside the Chaos Family. And even some of them in the Family.

Almost everyone not participating in our session is dead.

Dead. Gone forever.

It was a hard one to take in. Some of our real-life family relatives in our houses are still alive, but our Tumblr friends impacted some of us the most. People were crying. Like real tears.

And for some reason, I didn’t.

Almost all of my friends are here, my brother is here, and honestly, I didn’t have much back on Earth. Sure, my parents and relatives are gone, so that’s... depressing. But I can cope with them here. They’re the reason why I’m thriving.

The others? Not so much.

Faith had shouted while getting weakened, “Look, my own Faith is dwindling too, y’know?! They’re moping around in their own disbelief!

“I’m out!”

I guess I’m the only one who had more of it. But only by a smidge.

Its smoke wafts away in the dark.

>> —^— <<

And then there were two.

Unfortunately, Love was next to melt.

Ah, Love. This one is somewhat different from the story I’m telling than the source material.

You see, our Family’s Love never dwindled. We all still care for each other, no matter what happens to any of us. Through thick & thin, we helped each other to get ourselves up & going.

Heck, some of them got together romantically. Not that I’m too envious of them, but to be honest, they’re really cute with each other. A handful of them loved those outside of the Family, but you know what happened...

It’s just that we talked to each other less over time, either because of the missions we were given or because we just didn’t feel like talking to each other. It’s ok, I do respect their reasons, whether good or bad.

However, it just made me more concerned. I bet the others feel the same about that, but I think it’s been taking over my brain recently. I even tried talking about it to the closest people I know in the Family. No responses were made.

It doesn’t help that I have to literally build my way up, going through a complicated labyrinth of temperature-changing caverns filled with walking & talking thorny devils that hate me so much they shoot blood from their eyes at me.

Not to mention that I only have my annoying older brother with me, who only set my issue aside when I tried telling him. It sucks.

So no, our Love never dwindled.

It just became more isolated.

And yet, Love sobbed out, “Come on! Why am I not strong enough for them?! I thought I can keep all of them together!

“I can’t take this anymore!”

It just... feels like before. Numb all over.

Hehe, shit. I’m too familiar with that...

Love’s warmth faded away soon.

>> —^— <<

Only one was left standing.

The Candle of Hope.

Hope...

Well, that’s the only one that’s actually relevant to our session, huh?

It’s one of the main Aspects of Sburb, so of course it’s relevant! According to my Sprite, Hope is the embodiment of all positive emotions & beliefs, including Hope itself. It’s a pretty nice Aspect, in my opinion.

Anyway, Hope’s the one that got us through all our shit. Yes, even the very bad times. It’s basically a lifesaver for the Chaos Family and the rest of Tumblr. It can be distributed in many ways, from simple things like compliments, to posts like those ‘One Note a Day’ ones and a bunch of others like that.

But this, this is what I thought we were lacking the most at the time.

By that time, a little girl came running inside the dark room.

She noticed the other three Candles, melted & burnt out.

“Peace? Faith? Love?” she tried to call out.

I... didn’t think it was there when we started the session, nor when the fights started to break out. Not even when... when my friends started struggling with themselves.

Heck, some of them wanted to let their lives go to get to God Tier... or for worse intentions...

Shit, everything sucked.

The girl started tearing up, calling the other Candles repeatedly.

“Why?!” she finally sobbed. “Why aren’t you still burning?! You’re supposed to stay till the end, right?!”

At least, that’s what I thought... before, uh, that happened.

You see, it was one day while I was struggling to find my way through the Land of Rumors and Elements when someone stood in a distance away from me. When I tried to process who it was, they somehow got to me in quick speeds & punched my glasses off of me.

I was at a disadvantage by then. I tried to use my two knives (alchemized ones; they looked cool & they were more fit for fighting) to get them, but my eyesight is pretty crap. I missed my slashes so many times.

Then I felt them getting one of the knives, and it turned into what was basically a very inconvenient sword-fight. It went on for a long time, trying to injure free spots before getting parried repeatedly.

I then noticed a sharp pain on my right side.

When I turned my head towards the feeling, my right arm was on the ground.

Bleeding. Aching. Hurting.

Fading.

I faced the person one last time, and I only see a silhouette. On their head is a mint-colored circle with three wisp-like appendages... a symbol...

The next thing I knew, I was lying on stone. I was... weak. And tired.

On my side was my Sprite, a golden retriever with water buffalo horns & a fedora. She had a mournful look on her face.

I closed my own eyes & took a deep breath when I realized.

I was dying.

“RIGHT?!?!”

She cried out before falling to the ground, practically drowning in her own tears.

Then I felt as numb as I could ever be.

>> —^— <<

Then she heard a voice.

It said, “Worry not, child. I’m still here.”

She looked up to see the remaining Candle in the room.

“Why should I not worry, then?” the girl questioned.

It replied, “I can relight the others if you truly acknowledge my presence.”

She perked up at the response she was given. Crawling closer towards the Candle, she followed up with, “And why is that?”

A soft chuckle came out from it.

“Well... isn’t my name Hope?”

>> —^— <<

I didn’t expect to feel a burst of cool air from where my arm was cut off. At least, I didn’t expect it to be the first thing I felt since I died.

Then I felt something on my back, pushing me up & up until I recognized it as floating in the air. Little by little, my senses came back to normal. The numbness had subsided, replaced with what I think was... power.

My lungs breathed air again; I can make sounds; I can see, smell, hear, feel...

I’m human again. Alive. Awake.

Unfortunately, living again came with having to deal with pain. Remnants of the aching on my right arm arrived, so naturally, I let my left hand clench where it hurt. There was a scar on where I was touching, but I can unusually feel the rest of my arm...

Yep, I got my arm back. Nice, I guess. Let’s set that aside for now.

One other detail I noticed was that I was wearing a mostly yellow outfit: a sleeveless shirt, some leggings, and dark green boots, along with long fingerless gloves. I then took a look at a puddle to see that my reflection has a superhero-like mask on my face.

I did not know how the fuck they got on me.

Yet one thing’s for sure: I’ve ascended and went to God Tier.

And my role?

I relight our Family’s bond & trust with the help of Hope.

With shining eyes, the girl picked the Candle up and lighted the other three.

Peace, Faith, & Love.

All together, alight again, in the dark room.

>> —^— <<

I am the Rogue of Hope, the one who distributes Hope to others.

[beybladeimagines]

I loved your recent headcanon of the team in their early 20s, thank you so much for that! I have a question Regarding hiwatari corp, I'm currently reading the manga beyblade rising, I'm confused, Kai's parents have been around all along? Voltaire isn't as evil as we thought? Maybe I'm being dim, but are you able to explain what hiwatari corp actually seems to do? And info regarding Kai's parents? I always thought voltaire was evil, so I'm confused why Kai would work for him. It's been years!

Mod Note: Yeah, when the manga revealed that Kai actually has a pretty decent connection with his family, I disassociated for like five minutes, because that lowkey makes no sense and contradicts so much of what we’ve seen. Let’s try to make some sense out of the chaos, shall we?

Let’s start with Hiwatari Enterprise. For the longest time, it’s remained a mystery. I’ve had to do some digging around to figure out what exactly it is. From what I’ve seen based on popular discussion, it’s apparently assumed to be a Japanese military company. But, if you ask me where in the manga it states that… I have absolutely no idea. Even “military company” is rather vague, because that could mean anything. Do they make steel, weapons, chemicals, electronics, etc.? I’m just going to weave together my thoughts.

So, let’s entertain the idea that it is a military company. I would argue that makes a lot of sense, because it explains the whole dynamic between Voltaire and Boris, Boris’ quest for domination, the entire existence of the Abbey, and the militarization and resocialization of young boys to become soldiers. Voltaire may not be serving in the military, but because he often engages with military officials through meetings and deals, he’s already familiar with the process of establishing order, of breaking people down, and of calling the shots from behind the scenes. As for what Voltaire’s company actually makes, I would like to venture a guess that it deals in electronics / devices. This would explain the massive amount of training resources that were found at the Abbey and that many of the boys were subjected to. Hell, I’d even argue that some of those boys were testing out Hiwatari Enterprise’s devices before they were deemed safe for use or even safe for the public. They were actual guinea pigs in a multitude of ways.

Fast forward to when Voltaire gets arrested and Boris manages to escape punishment. Even though Voltaire wasn’t really…doing anything, because of his connections with the military, I imagine his detainment was prioritized. Many would probably argue that Boris was simply “following orders” but in reality, law enforcement would most likely prioritize the man who is literally responsible for making devices for the military (due to that insane amount of prestige) instead of the man who did the physical, mental, and emotional abuse all at once. Gotta love the law’s priorities. 

Now, let’s talk about Kai. Why would he work for him? In a world where Voltaire apparently isn’t arressted, why would Kai go back to his abuser? We’ve got a couple different routes we can go here. Let’s say we’re following the anime’s canon. Here, Kai isn’t working for his grandfather; rather, he full on replaces him. The reason I argue that Kai would return to the company is because he knows that that’s where all of his trauma started. Kai is interested in dismantling the very thing that broke him in the first place. It’s as if he’s stepping back in time and getting a chance to start all over again. He gets to be the one in a position of power and he gets to put things back on track without involving blading. He feels as if he’s righting all of the wrongs he was exposed to. It’s not like Kai really even cares about the business aspect of things, but I do believe he wants to be seen as a real leader by others.

Now, let’s conceptualize the mess that is the manga’s canon. If Voltaire is still around and Kai decides to work for him, I imagine it’s because he wants to distance himself from the Bladebreakers. Kai had essentially embarrassed himself a multitude of times through his acts of betrayal. If we’re conceptualizing things with a dark twist, I’d say this act serves as the last chance for him to regain control or dominance, or to finally be seen as the best. I imagine that the longer someone is around a being as manipulative as Voltaire, they start to embrace the same problematic qualities and justify their desire for destruction. In Kai’s case, maybe he wasn’t so willing? Maybe it’s a case of manipulation. Or, maybe he’s just trying to keep the family together and stable (financially, maybe?) so he decides to do something he wouldn’t normally agree to. 

In this case, I’m going to let ya’ll decide what you want to believe, because it really does depend on the canon you choose to follow and how much you want to focus on the grim reality that is Kai’s life. 

Yo, but let’s talk about Kai’s parents, because they’re confusing too. I wrote headcanons before about Kai’s mom. Essentially, when Kai decided to be as hateful as Voltaire it tore her apart, and yet, we don’t see her standing up to Voltaire when he was telling Kai about how his dad chose blading over him. But, I imagine that moment was confusing and hard for anyone. Her husband just stood up to his father, but his father has made their life pretty stable, but his father is also imposing a problematic rhetoric onto her son, but also…you have no idea where the hell your own husband is even going and what he plans on doing. I imagine she regrets that day and it’s the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up every morning. 

As for Kai’s dad, well… Kai has a hard time swallowing his pride and I believe he gets that from his dad. I think his dad knew he contributed to fucking up his own son’s life by not making many attempts to clear the air. But because so much time has passed, he has no idea if he should even bring the trauma up or act like everything is fine. I imagine he tries to act like everything’s fine and tries his best to win Kai’s affections. He pops back into Kai’s life rather unexpectedly, but Kai is ready to forgive him. He got the truth and although Kai struggles to understand and truly come terms with said truth, I think he just wants his family back, because lord knows his friendships aren’t stable. It takes a while for Kai’s father to actually address their past, but I think everyone in that household is just ready to be a family again. They have missed so many years together. Kai is so fucking tired of being bitter. This doesn’t even involve blading or being the best. This involves having someone to come home to, this involves unconditional love, this involves receiving a form of support that is absent of jealousy. He needs family now more than ever and I think everyone is determined to rebuild as well.

As for Voltaire being portrayed as the strict grandpa that’s suddenly welcomed back into the family, I-… I don’t get it. It’s completely out of character. I mean, my goodness. This entire time we thought Kai didn’t have a family or if we thought that he did, we assumed they were abusive or something… Now that we found out they actually love one another, I can explain that - easy peasy. But Voltaire being reintegrated into the family picture? And not arrested? You got me fucked up. I can’t even conceptualize a rational justification for that nonsense other than they rewrote the canon and in that canon, apparently Voltaire did nothing wrong. I might need some time to think that part through, anon. But I hope everything else made a hell of a lot more sense!

[tiaragqueen]

can i request a shy and gentle yandere jimin that manipulates the reader into staying with him? he would never hurt her or others but threatens to hurt himself is she wants to leave. thank u and i love ur writing 🤩

Yaksok

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Park Jimin x Reader

✂ Word Count: 2,9k

✂ Trigger Warning: Self-harm, mentions of depression, suicide attempt, manipulation, possessiveness

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Donot re-upload my writing to another website or use it without mypermission.

[Edited]

***

To be honest, I didn’t expect this one-shot to get so dark. I had to prevent myself from imagining certain scenes too vividly in case I became too uncomfortable. They’re not too explicit. So, if anyone feels the same way as me, please don’t force yourself to read this. Feel free to click the back button. Thank you.

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“I don’t think I can do anything without you. I can’t live a day without you. I’m gonna try to handle you. I’m not dangerous. So, baby, don’t worry.” – Stuck [Monsta X]

Jimin’sfavorite expression of yours was when you were simply glowing. No, not in a literal sense. It was when you skippedaround, with a huge smile gracing your darling face, and the sunlight hittingall the right spot of your visage. Heespecially loved it when he was thereason for your joy. It gratified himto know that he had succeeded in making you happy, however small it might be. Because your smile was worth it, and Jimin would do anythingto see that sight forever.

However,he couldn’t find it in himself to be as happyas you did today.

“Baby,you look beautiful. Where are you going?” Jimin asked, sitting on the marooncouch with his legs spread wide.

Hewas indirectly inviting you to sit on his lap; something that he always didwhen you both didn’t have anything to do that day. He simply loved wrapping hisarms around your stomach, or sometimes, you would be the one who hugs him frombehind. Jimin was initially wary with your offer, thinking that you might nolonger like sitting on his lap, while turned out you just wanted to repay his favor.

Thatwas what he loved from you; your sense of gratitudeand indebtedness. Sure, Jiminshowered you, unconditional love, freely and never demanded you to reciprocate, but it felt nice when you acknowledgedhis efforts.

“Oh,really? Thanks!” You grinned shyly, the apples of your cheeks reddened alittle. “I’m actually going to go out with my friends.”

“Who?”

Youlooked up, trying to remember the names of your friends who would join.“Bambam, Lisa, Jennie, Kai, and Xiumin.”

Thebeam on Jimin’s face slowly disappeared like a setting sun. “Xiumin…?”

“Yeah,Xiumin.” You nodded absent-mindedly as you put on your shoes. “You stillremember him, right?”

Oh,yes. Of course, Jimin still remembered that guy.How could he not? Xiumin was, afterall, your ex. The man who had datedyou before you met Jimin. The man whogot to be your first in everything;first kiss, first hug, first touch. Though, you’d claimed that you never hadsex with him. Jimin felt an incredible relief washed over the rock that weighedhis chest, because how could he go on knowing that that filthy guy had taken your virginity?

Yeah,sure. Jimin hadn’t touched yousexually, either. The furthest thing he’d ever done was a make-out. But evenso, he was careful not to step the boundaries that you’d set before you twostarted dating. It wasn’t as if you refused to be intimate with him. It wasjust you wished to prevent unplanned pregnancy, and he readily complied,however heavy it felt to him.

Jiminfrowned as he tried to word his question properly. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but he also didn’twant you to leave him. Especially to meet up with that… that guy. He knew that you’d parted ways with Xiumin peacefully, asyou felt that the relationship was going nowhere, but Jimin still couldn’tshake off the jealousy that bubbled on his chest. What kind of man doesn’t feelthat way when his girlfriend is about to walk with her ex?

“Doyou really have to leave, baby?”

“Yeah,we’ve been planning that since last week.”

Last week. You’d been secretlyplanning to go out with other people – with your ex – since last week. Well, technically it wasn’t so much of a secret since Jimin hadn’t asked about ityet. But at the very least, you could give a heads up right?

Thiswas too sudden. Too much for him tocomprehend at once.

“Chim?Jimin?” A hand snapped in front of his glazed eyes. “Earth to Jimin.”

“Don’tgo,” he whispered.

Youstrained your ears in order to hear him more clearly. “Huh? Did you saysomething, Chim?” you inquired.

Helooked up, gaze resolute yet pleading.Begging you to just say yes. “I said,don’t go.”

“Whatare you talking about, Jimin? Of course, I’ll go. It’s been a long time since Imet my friends. Surely you can allow me to have some fun once in a while,right?”

“AmI not important to you anymore,[Name]?”

Youstraightened up. Jimin preferred to call you with affectionate nicknames, sofor him to suddenly call you with your name suggested that he was being serious with you. Of course, it didn’tmean you would immediately obey his plea. You were his girlfriend, not his maid. There was no reason for you to kowtowjust because he refused to let you go out.

“Jimin,you know that you’ll always be important to me, right?” you said earnestly. Youhad seen first-hand how hysterical Jimin could be when cornered, and you’d liketo avoid it at all cost. Patience wasn’t something that both of you really hadbefore, but if you wanted to keep this relationship, then one of you needed tolearn how to be patient. Therefore, you’d decided to take on the challenge andbe the voice of reason in case Jimin got too agitated. It wasn’t easy, given how prone he was to anuncontrollable display of emotions, but it was worth it.

Atleast, that was what you thought.

Afew years ago, if someone were to tell you that you would date a man-child, youwould surely scowl and tell them to piss off. Because you didn’t need a guy wholiked to throw a tantrum nor restrict you in any way. However, fate just hadthe strangest way of setting you upwith your partner. And now that you already met one, you ought to maintain it.Besides, where else would you find such a devotedboyfriend like him? Someone thatdidn’t mind his pride as a man and loved to throw himself on to you at pretty much any given opportunity.Someone that didn’t pretend to be cold or aloof to make you chase him like oneof those foolish love-struck girls.

“Then,just tell them that you’re sick and stay at home with me.” he whined as though it was that easy to decline an invitationthat used to be a ‘small-talk’ amongst you. Your friends already had theirlives and lovers, thus making the reunion a difficult thing to do. And now thatyou were finally available, and onthe verge of going out, Jimin decided to act like a toddler?

“Ican’t, Jimin.” You took a deep breath to quell the bubbling anger in yourchest. Oh, how tempting it was tojust scream and curse at his selfishness. “This is the only day where all of my friends have a day off. Besides, it’s notlike I’d take long anyway. I’ll definitely be home around seven pm.”

Jiminbowed his head like a guilty child. For a moment, you’d thought that he finallysurrendered. But you were proven wrong when he stared at you dead in the eye. This time, there was nosign of pleading that you saw earlier.

“Ifyou leave,” he paused for dramatic effect, lips set into a thin line. “ThenI’ll hurt myself.”

Perhapsyou should’ve used those precious few seconds to prepare yourself for hearinghis next statement.

“Whatthe fuck, Jimin?!” you shouted, unable to conceal your shock anymore. “Are you crazy?! Did you even know what you were saying?”

Jiminsaid nothing. He didn’t even bat an eye at your exclamations. Usually, he wouldstart defending himself. But now, he just kept silent.

Andthat was scary because this was thefirst time he’d ever been trulyserious with you.

“Chim,I–” you sighed, massaging your throbbing temples. How did a simple question goto a heated fight like this? “I thinkyou should rest or something. Get your mind off of that ridiculous thought. If you’re jealous because Xiumin is there, thenI assure you I have no romanticfeelings for him anymore. I’m not some woman who would go behind my man’s back.You know me, Jimin. I’m loyal. Iwouldn’t date you if I still loved Xiumin.”

Thebell suddenly rang, shattering the growing tension between you. You ran a handthrough your hair and sighed.

“I’mout now. Don’t get close to knives or any sharp things. I’ll bring home somepizza later.” you mumbled before heading to the front door to greet yourguests.

Jiminlistened to the boisterous voices of your friends’ and your cheerful one. Younever spoke to him that way. Heck,you never even greeted him sojoyfully like that. Your tone was alwayscalm, resembling a mother that tried to pacify her wailing child. And your face… It never glowed when meeting him.

Wereyou happy with him? Were you just humoring him all along? Did you feel burdened being in a relationship withhim? He knew that it was wrong to attempt to manipulate you, but was it so wrongfor wanting to spend more time with you?

Youloved him, right?

Frowning,he went into the kitchen. You had told him to not touch any sharp things, but you had disobeyed his demand. So, why should he obey yours?

Jiminpulled a knife from the cutlery drawer and inspected the sharp edges. It wasnewly sharpened and had never been used before since you tended to use the sameones for eating. The blade reflected his forlorn face as he brought it to hisarm. Slowly, he pressed the tip against his skin and winced a little at theharsh sting. He dragged it along the once smooth surface and crisscrossed eachline. Blood began to trickle from the self-inflicted gashes, creating tinypools on the white floor.

Onlyone name floated in the iron smelledair when he finally gathered the courage to slit his wrist, signifying what might be the end of his life.

“[Name]…”

Yourstomach was churning.

Itwas odd since you hadn’t eaten anything,and yet you felt like wanting to puke. You stopped on your tracks, holding yourtummy with a pained frown. Maybe the meat you ate last night had reached itsexpiration? No, of course not. You clearlyremembered the expiry date when you went shopping two days ago, and it stated aweek from now.

Unlessthe factory purposefully put stale meat inside one of its products…?

“[Name],”a deep voice called your name. You glanced towards the speaker, finding Xiuminalready stood beside you. “Are you okay? You look constipated.”

Yousmiled wearily, paying no heed to the subtle tease. “Yeah, well. I don’t feelso good.”

Hecocked an eyebrow and tilted his head a little. “Why? We still haven’t eatenanything, though.”

“Right,but suddenly I just feel like vomiting.”

“Maybeit’s a sign of pregnancy?”

Lisasnapped her head towards you, eyes dilated and mouth slightly agape. It was themost scandalous expression you’d ever seen from her. “Eh, what’s this? [Name]’spregnant?”

“My,my. You’re growing old now, eh?”Beside her, Bambam wiggled his brows teasingly.

Youslapped Xiumin’s shoulder and shot a vicious glare to the snickering duo, heavyblush coated your cheeks. “Shut up, both of you! And Xiumin, how could you eventhink about that?”

Xiuminstifled a giggle at your flushing face. “Well, how else am I supposed to guessthen?” he questioned. “It was the only logicalexplanation.”

“Well,that wasn’t the only explanation,okay?” you retorted, crossing your arms at his quick - and honestly blasphemous- conclusion. “I might behaving a minor stomach-ache rightnow.”

“Areyou saying that you haven’t had sexwith Jimin yet?”

Bambam‘oh’-ed at the bold inquiry, while Lisa giggled against her palm.

“Xiumin!” you hissed, glowering in thescariest visage you could muster.

“Okay,okay, I’m just joking.” The said man wiped a tear that escaped from his eye andraised his hands in mock surrender. “But, seriously. Have you ever-?”

“No,”you immediately cut him off. “I don’t want to get a pre-marital pregnancy.”

“Oh,okay. That’s understandable.”

Youpeered at him. “Well, what about you?”

“Nah,we’re taking it slow.” Xiumin sighed and looked up at the darkening sky. “Don’twant to rush anything.”

“Butyou’re gonna propose her, right?”

“Later,when the time’s right.” He looked at you through his peripheral vision. “You?”

“Idon’t know,” you shrugged. Marriage was something that crossed your mindoccasionally, yet never had the guts to bring it up to Jimin in fear ofrejection. You didn’t even know if he wanted to have a family since he seemed content with just the two of you. “Someday, I guess. I’m not so sure.”

Xiuminhummed. “Just don’t forget to give me the invitation.”

Yourolled your eyes and smiled. “Obviously.”

Whenyou broke up with him, you feared that you might break your friendship too.Xiumin had been your best friend since elementary school, and you couldn’t bearto see him turning his back on you after years of being together. But you’dunderestimated his maturity because the following day after your separation, hehad texted you first. It then occurred to you that while you no longer datedhim, it didn’t mean you couldn’t still befriend him. Sometimes, you wonderedwhat you did in your past life to deserve such a mature friend like him. Someone that was willing to move on from the pastand tie back any loose strings that you’d accidentally cut back then.

Theringtone of your phone blared amidst the light chatters. Jennie stoppedchatting with her boyfriend, Kai and glanced through her shoulder.

“Yourboyfriend’s calling you already,[Name]?” she asked.

“Oh,uh,” you quickly fished out your phone from the bag and frowned at the caller.“No, it’s not him. Wait a minute.Hello?”

“[Name]-noona, where areyou?”Jungkook’s breathy voice rang your ear.

“I’mout with my friends in the city. Why?”

“Oh, um, well. There’sa, uh… bad news.”

Thecolor instantly drained from your face as every sound became white noise.“What? What do you mean ‘bad news’?”

“You see, Noona.” Jungkook coughed acrossthe call, and you resisted the urge to snap at him. “I came to your apartment to play video games with Jimin-hyung, but hewasn’t in the living room. So I searched for the whole place and I found himlying on the kitchen floor.”

“And?”you inquired impatiently.

“He was bleeding, Noona.There’s a lot of gashes in his arms, and I also saw a knife beside him. Thepolice suspected that he was trying to kill himself from the laceration in hisleft wrist. Luckily, the paramedics saved him in time. He’s in the hospitalright now.”

Ifyou weren’t already shocked, then you were frozen.Hollow eyes gazed forward as you attempted to digest his explanation. Jimin…tried to kill himself? But, why? Whydid he do that? Did he secretly havea depression? No, that couldn’t be it. He always asked you to coddle himwhenever he was feeling down in the dumps. And besides, he was the type to wearhis emotions on the sleeves. So, why?

Therealization dawned on you as you rushed to the hospital, ignoring your friends’frantic calls. When Jimin said that he would hurt himself if you left him, youhadn’t expected him to truly carry itout. But, of course, you were stupid to think that he was being plain ridiculous. When did he ever lie to you, anyway? He always kept his promises, and that wasone of the many traits that you liked from him.

Andnow, when the situation had turned grave, you finally realized the terrifying depth of his love.

“Jimin!”

Youburst into the room, indifferent to the noise you’d caused. Jimin lied on thebed with gauze covering his arms. Tears stung your eyes as you slowlyapproached him, still couldn’t get over the fact that he really did attempt suicide an hour ago.

“J-Jimin…”

Thesaid man fluttered his eyes open and beamed at the sight of you. “Baby, you’re back!” he croaked.

Younodded vehemently. “I’m here. I’m herenow, Jim,” you whispered, trying to reassure yourself that you hadn’t lost yourboyfriend yet.

“I’mglad,” he smiled softly; a simple yet meaningful action that pierced yourheart. “I thought… you wouldn’t come.I miss you.”

Cradlinghis bandaged hand, you gently kissed his knuckle. “Of course, I came. You’re myboyfriend, after all.”

Jimin’ssmile widened a fraction, the hopeful gleam returned to his drowsy eyes. “Then,will you promise me that you won’tabandon me again from now on?”

“Iwasn’t abandoning you, Jim–”

“Will you?”

Youstared down at his imploring face. You knew what he was doing, and you knew whathe wanted you to do. Sure, you might not be the sharpest person in the world,but you were aware of the manipulation people often attempted to project on toyou.

Andyet, you willingly let yourself be manipulatedby him. All because you loved him too muchto see him die on his own hands.

Butwas it really love, when you only felt pityand guilt at his current condition?Was it really love, when you merely humoredhim like a lowly servant you came tobe?

Youdidn’t know, but you nodded anyway.

“I will.”

Wereyou the victim here? Or was it him?

Nevertheless,the joyous smile on his face was worththe emotional baggage that you’d carried these past few years.

“Thankyou, baby.”

Andat least, he appreciated yourefforts. However wrong his tacticwas.

[bonebreakjack]

The Princely Beast and the Dark Dragon

Ai hates Takeru,, but also he really really can't hate Takeru...

Warnings for non consensual kissing, Ai being an evil jealous little shit, and references to the episode Dreaming Roboppy

  First he took his allies. Then he took his friends. Finally he took his cards, the only ones he gave him. Everything single part of him. Everything that extends from him, it all belongs to Ai. Because in the end they were one in the same. And if they were truly the same being, then everything they had belonged to one another.

  Ai breathed a shaky sigh as he held Yusaku in his arms. His partners avatar severely injured from their final battle. He traced his fingers over the gouges, the missing leg, the slices in his skin exposing pink data underneath. In a way, it was pretty to look at. But reality was sobering and he wasn’t sure what this much damage would do to Yusaku’s mind. Soulburner and Yusaku breathing hard, both of them glaring hard at the A.I. Duo who looked on with victory in their faces. Ai reached out and grabbed Yusaku who fully collapsed due to his injuries, and taking him into his arms. The other Origin tried to plead for Ai to stop, it was sad really, it reminded him of Flame. Takeru kept trying to appeal to their good nature, it was almost princely like…

Soul burner reached out trying to get up but Roboppi pushed him down none to gently with their foot. Helping him along to his own unconsciousness by kicking him in the head and forcibly logging him out.

“Hey Big Bro…. Is he going to be okay?”Ai looked over to see Roboppi coming into the room, concern written all over their cherubic face. They must have came back from guard duty. They had a special room in the remains of Vrains holding the consciousness of their former friends. “I hope he will be. I’m just assessing the damage right now,” Ai didn’t reveal much more than that, he noticed that Roboppi has been more aggressive lately. Even their eyes have changed with a strange eerie ring of red surrounding the iris. He really needs to check their coding soon, he can’t have them lashing out on him or Yusaku, especially not with him this injured. “Ca-Can I hold him?”Ai turned in surprise as the meek request, Roboppi’s hands held out closing and opening them hesitantly. “No-” Roboppi’s eyes glowed dangerously that aggressiveness coming to the surface in near nanoseconds ready to rip Yusaku right out of his arms. Like hell he would let that happen! Little brother or not, Roboppi will learn some damn patience and respect here. They can’t throw a tantrum every time Ai tells them no. “Not right now.” Ai’s voice broke for no argument turning the former maid bot meek again from fear and shame. Good. For the immediate obedience he can offer something though. “You can however, hold his hand and help me check him over. It will be faster with the both of us.” The little bot nearly jumped with joy, the red near disapatting as they shuffled over not wanting to wake Yusaku. Their features turned incredibly soft and Ai reasoned that maybe he should have Roboppi help care for Yusaku after all. It seems they still have complete affection for him, enough to calm whatever beast now lies with in that seems to turn them into a monster when in battle. Their mood swings are incredibly concerning. “He’s so hurt, how are we going to fix it?” 

Isn't that the question of the year? This damage is pretty bad, even with Ai’s help its going to be a while to fix and they have to take in consideration Yusaku’s human body. If they don’t care for it he will wither away in the real world. Sighing, Ai thought what a troublesome partner he has. “We’re going to have to split up duties, Yusaku is a stubborn bastard, so he will live. I’ll watch over him in this world and you go to the real one, take care of him there until I fix him.”Ai threaded his fingers through Yusaku’s virtual hair humming content now that he thought of what he was going to do. Yusaku was in a state of mind that really any suggestions can slip through that thick head. “And what the hell do you mean by fixing him, Ai?” A rough voice spoke up startling both of them. Ai’s head snapped up and he was met with the furious face of Soulburner, who looked for disgusted and furious as he looked him in the eye. He looked worn still, but much better than last time and well Yusaku currently. Great, Prince Charming has returned. “Exactly as it sounds, Mr. Prince~ ” The confusion that immediately took over nearly had Ai bust out laughing almost as if it was bitter and acidic, like stomach acid. Ai almost hated this man, the one who easily broke through Yusak’s defenses and walls as if they weren’t there at all. A beast that turned into a prince sweeping his partner off his feet. Ai tried but Yusaku was such an ice king, and while he did acknowledge Ai, it was only when he died and finally left. It made Ai want to rip out his throat . But in the end he truly couldn’t hate this man, and that was the worst part of it all. He was so earnest, so honest, about his well… everything! No wonder Yusaku fell for him.

Flame had loved and cherished him too, enough that he was willing to die for humanity simply because of Takeru. And Takeru loved him back with everything he had, he loved Yusaku too, if not more so. Ai kind of hated him for not being hateable, seriously! He’s got nothing but petty jealousy to work with here. It’s one of the reasons he wasn’t captured with the rest. He now realized that was a mistake though. Soulburner didn’t take kindly of everyone being well taken away. Which, fair. But really he could have least knock where was his manners?! Ah, wait, he’s talking he should really focus on what he’s saying now. “-Can’t believe you did this to everyone! To Yusaku! Ai, I know your grieving, we can fix this, grieve together. Don’t do this to everyone! I-I may not be the smartest guy around when it comes to people's feelings, but you can rely on me too….” There was pain in his voice, a helplessness,  “I can’t say the pain we share is the same, but I can help… if you let me,” No, seriously, what shonen manga did this guy pop out from? He is literally too good to be true. Ai really hates the fact he can’t hate him. “ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!”

“I am.” Soulburner looked a bit embarrassed by that but still had the fierce look on his face that says, ‘I’ll kick your ass for you own good’ all over it. Maybe if Ai checked the archive of manga he could find a character that looked like Soulburner and thus finally find the origin of- Wait, he’s getting distracted. Ai cuddled into Yusaku one last time before handing him to Roboppi. “Take him to the room we have for him and then check on his body. I’ll handle this,”

Giving a cutesy salute Roboppi happily took their master and bounded off. Ignoring Soulburner’s indigent squawks as he was ignored. Striding up to the smaller man, he raised an amused brow once Soulburner realized he wasn’t stopping at all. This wasn’t how he usually did things but to be fair, it wasn’t a usual situation. With everyone else, they hadn’t been competition for Yusaku’s affection, hadn’t been the focus of jealousy since he had no fear of them taking his partner away. It also didn’t help that he could see another use for Soulburner without using him as a hostage. Tilting his head cutely with a bright smile, he almost wanted to laugh again at the smaller’s wary look. Ai knew how humans acted, how they can react, out of all the Ignis he was the best at that. Lightning may have known how to scare them, to rip them apart, but Ai knew what made them tick ...and let them be their own failing. Bringing up his hands, Soulburner flinched as his face was cradled and then pulled slightly forward. Just enough for Ai to lean down and they were touching noses. “I meant fix him, of course. You saw the state of him correct? Yusaku is a mess-” “A mess you made last time I checked,” Came the quick snap. Oh, cute he was growling, Ai wonders if he will bite if he calls him Puppy? For another time. “Yes, I did, for his own good. You know how he gets after all, willing to destroy himself for his mission. That’s why I had to stop him~ Otherwise he’d get killed, and I rather have him alive.”Ai hummed, as his fingers glowed a bit working their magic. Heh, magic fingers. “I’m not an idiot. You had a different thing in mind when you said you wanted to fix him”Soulburner grabbed his hands to chuck them off, only to realize they won’t budge at all. For all his strength, Ai was far stronger. In this world he makes the rules, they are just visiting in it. “True, I really just wanted Yusaku to stop fighting me, maybe even erase his memories of everyone that way he won’t be depressed when I end humanity.”Ai hummed as he tightened his grip almost bringing down his hands enough to make it look like he was choking the fiery duelist. Forcing his head back, Ai look into his eyes and relished the bit of fear and defiance in it. “I’ll make an exception for you, and some of the others, Yusaku does need friends after all. Heaven knows I worked hard while was with him trying to stop him from being such a basement hermit” “Wait, what?!” “Oh, yeah, he practically was chained to his basement, it’s a good thing he had Roboppi, otherwise with how long he stayed in that chair he’d have cobwebs all over him-” Ai was cut off by a smack of frustration to his shoulder. “No! I meant-What do you mean but ‘make an exception?!’ ”

Ah! Now Ai understood, and he let a devilish smile crossed his face. “You see, the thing is, I’m incredibly jealous of you , Takeru. You have the number one thing I really want, my partners unconditional love. All for you, you greedy bastard. For the longest while I wanted you gone!” Ai sighed dramatically and felt Soulburner flush as he realized how close their faces were.  “You’ve gotten to be all his firsts too, his first date, his first kiss, his first time-” “Stop, please , just stop!” Cute, even in this form Soulburner was shy about intimate acts in public, or maybe it was just Ai? Eh, whatever. “Though not his first love, Ryoken has long had that seat.” 

Both their faces clinched in displeasure at the other rival for Yusaku’s affections. If Ai had been smarter, he could be sharing Yusaku right now if he had teamed up with Takeru from the get go. A common enemy/rival always brought people together.

”However, I got to know you and in the end I couldn’t even hate you, your truly are an un-hateable guy. It’s very annoying by the way, the only way I could truly destroy you is through petty jealousy”Clicking his tongue he shook his head, as if blaming Soulburner for being a good person. “That would have let a sour taste in my mouth, You make him so happy. How could I kill someone like that? So, I decided, You get to stay with Yusaku... But it will be on my terms ” “Wait! Ai no- ” Soulburner let out a squeak as Ai crashed his lips down, using the momentary shock to get into Soulburners head to knock him out. In the end, he really was too easy to get to.  A scream was muffled by Ai’s lips until Soulburner went limp, unconscious in Ai’s arms. “Don’t worry you and Yusaku are going to love your new life, once I rebuild Vrains, everything before hand will be just a terrible dream. You won’t even need your physical forms after I’m done.” 

He bridal carried the man away already thinking of the modifications he needed to do to turn the Knightly prince into an obedient one. “Guess this is two bodies we’re going to need to temporarily look after. Good night~ ” “Sweet Prince”

[hello-universex]

A letter to my ex:

Hey, been a minute. No I’m not going to message you, I’m just going to post this and hope that you see it. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to say in this but here we fucking go.

As out what was supposed to be our one year anniversary approaches (on Friday October 2nd) I’ve been thinking. First I want to say, no I don’t hate you. I hate what you did to me. I hate all of the pain that you’ve caused me when all of it could have been easily avoided. What I really hate is that you couldn’t just leave me be when you knew that I wasn’t what you wanted. I wish you did, it would have saved me a lot of heart break.

I hope you’re doing well. I see you’ve gotten a new girlfriend and I hope she’s everything that I could never be for you. I hope she’s the one. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me. I hope she kisses you goodnight every night and never lets you go to sleep sad. I hope you wake up excited to talk to her and be with her. I hope she’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

I’m really sad we didn’t work out. I still think about you and miss you. Seeing our pictures and memories hurts still, but I know that in time it won’t. I finally got the pictures of us I ordered. Yeah, it was hard seeing them, knowing that that’ll never be us again. Knowing that I’ll never ever be able to kiss you again or snore in your ear all night. But we were toxic and we both have a lot of self growth to do. I miss you so much. I miss being able to call you whenever I’m sad. I miss cuddling you and annoying you with my kisses. I miss grabbing your cute lil booty and your reaction whenever I’d do it. I miss you. A lot. More than I’m ever willing to admit.

It’s hard. This is hard. Letting go of the first person that you actually, truly, and genuinely loved is hard. Knowing that you’re really gone this time is hard. All of this is hard. But I’m strong, and I know that I’ll make it out of this.... one day. I’m constantly given reminders of you and I act like it doesn’t phase me, but it does. I still don’t know what do to with all of the memories of us that I have scattered thought out my room. The teddy bear, oogie boogie stuffed toy, the pictures, everything. I’m not ready to let go of them just yet I don’t think. A part of me always wonders if we could ever recover. Then I have to remind myself of all of the hurt. I think to myself, “If I was the one, then how could you hurt me like that?” It’s because I wasn’t the one and that’s okay. Sometimes people come into your life to teach you a lesson. I was a lesson and so were you. I hope you’ve learned, but honestly I don’t think I have just yet. But once I heal, I’ll understand.

I hope one day we could at least be friends, but that time is not now. But I really do hope that one day we could be the best of friends.

They say if you love something then let it go and if it comes back it was always yours. If it doesn’t, it never was. I’ve officially let you go. As hard as it was, i did. Now sticking to it is the hard part. I miss waking up to a text message from you and your random calls throughout the night. I remember when we first started dating, almost one year ago from today. I’d always catch you staring at me and I’d make me nervous. To be honest, I did the same thing to you. You’re such a beautiful person inside and out. I see the good in you, I really do. I’ve seen the sweet, caring, loving side of you. Which most people don’t get to see. You love so hard. I aspire to be loved the way you love.

We almost made it to one year. That’s so crazy to me. I still have your unfinished gift that I started to make. I can’t bring myself to throw it away. Not yet at least. Even tho it’s not even finished.

Thank you everything. Thank you for loving me when you did. Thank you for guiding me whenever I felt lost. Thank you for giving me a place to stay, food in my stomach, and a bed to sleep in. Thank you for holding me tightly during my bad days and even worse nights. Thank you for visiting me in the hospital almost every day for two weeks. Thank you for being my number one fan and biggest cheerleader. Even tho you’re not on the sidelines anymore, I know that you’re in the crowd still cheering me on. Thank you for the unconditional love that you gave me during the time we were together. Literally thank you for everything. Your effort did not go unnoticed.

I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being the best girlfriend. I’m sorry that I’m hard to handle and that I act like a child. I’m sorry I’m impulsive. I’m sorry that when I get triggered I go nuts. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to handle myself sometimes. I’m sorry that I let my anger get the best of me. I’m sorry for not being there mentally when I should have been. Because you were there for me even on your bad days. I’m sorry that we couldn’t make it. But I swear to you, I held on so hard.

A year ago, you were everything I’ve ever wanted. Today, we are strangers again. I’m glad that I got to spend the time with you that I did. It was an amazing 11 months. Definitely one hell of a ride and I wouldn’t trade it for anything or anyone else. I’m glad I got to know you.

I could say so much more, but I’ve already been typing for like 20 minutes so I’ll end it here. Thank you for being my person throughout the last year. I hope nothing but blessings come your way. Happy almost one year anniversary. I love you most.

Yes I’ve moved on, but this had to be said.

(A mumble jumble of a mess sorry not sorry but I need to let shit out that I’ve been holding in for so long. All I’m trying to do is let my thoughts out so I can feel better. I don’t expect a reaction for anything from you tbh)

[dragonracer]

Suicide and Mental Health

This is a very long post. Warning you in advance. But it's a topic that's heavy on my heart and it needs to be heard.

I don't usually discuss serious issues on social media because serious issues almost always devolve into political issues, which then devolve into incoherent screeching from both sides in an effort to see who can out-screech the other, at which point there is no longer a conversation and instead just a gigantic stressor added to your life.

But this topic is important to me and with yet another big suicide showing up all over my timeline and newsfeeds, I just need to say it. To put it out there in the world. Even though it will not change a damn thing and will simply be me screaming into the empty void. But it needs to be said: not only does the healthcare system in this country absolutely suck, the mental healthcare situation is even worse.

I lost my mother to suicide five years ago. It occurred from a mix of her own despair and failed systems. She was full-time caregiving for her parents because professional assistance was too expensive. My father was laid off due to company downsizing during a down economy and struggled to find employment, which meant he and Mom survived on unemployment and, when that ran out, got by on what remained of their savings, credit cards, and whatever assistance could be had by friends and family.

Which also meant no healthcare and no anti-depressants. Considering Mom had been diagnosed with clinical depression from a fairly early age, she needed them. My Dad's industry experienced a lot of fluctuation when I was growing up, so he had to endure many lay-offs (never his fault) and find new businesses in his field of profession, and those in-between times meant no health insurance. And even at a young age, I recognized Mom with her medication and without her medication.

Towards the end, she began to swing more and more wildly in her moods than ever before. I suspect more mentally was going on than just lack of anti-depressants, but I'll never truly know. And she had no access to help - be it physical or mental - because this country simply doesn't care about that... or if you're seeking free or discounted assistance, then you must be a deadbeat who is taking advantage of the system, just another hungry welfare mouth to feed (oh, hi, the start of my talk on stigmas as well).

I did my best to try and play "free counselor" with her over the phone every day. But I was ill-equipped to handle that sort of burden. I have no professional training in counseling or psychology.

And I DO NOT handle conflict well. At all. Mom suffered incredibly bad self-esteem issues. Which translated into not being able to really disagree with or argue with her without it being interpreted as a personal insult. I love my Mom. I always will. But it's only looking back on my childhood now over 30 years later that I realize I went through some level of psychological abuse. Totally unintentionally on her part, I know in my heart of hearts. She couldn't help it. And most of the time, Mom bled unconditional love. But when she was upset, the guilt trip to be had was a sight to behold. The very last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her, and so I grew up a life of walking on eggshells. Being careful with what I said. Often not expressing my own thoughts or opinions if they might conflict with hers. Dad has no fault in this whatsoever because he was living it, too, and trying to do much the same as me.

Anyone who knows me well has seen the effects of this. I don't talk out loud much. Even in family settings or coworker lunches, when everyone is sharing stories like normal people, I'm more comfortable being the quiet listener. And as soon as there is any conflict, I get extremely uncomfortable. It's why I avoid politics - raised voices make me uneasy, hell, I start feeling stressed just READING political threads, so I avoid them. And anytime I end up unintentionally in an argument or am fussed at for something, tears start. Like a damn child. But I literally cannot help it. I have spent my entire life trying at every turn to either avoid or de-escalate conflict... and it goes back to a childhood of trying to keep my mother on an even keel.

So, trying to calm her down from the ledge almost every day near the end was draining. So draining. And there was no help I could give her, no services I could really point her to for help at the time. I (stupidly) did not think she would actually go through with suicide because she had talked about it off and on my whole life. And you know what "they say" - if someone says it a lot, they're just seeking attention. Well, "they" are incorrect. At that point, what I SHOULD have done was had her Baker-Acted, but there's that whole fear of conflict again... I knew they'd throw her in a pen for three days and then she'd be right back out with NO HELP and then super-pissed off at me for doing that to her. Like, relationship-ending levels of pissed. That was my fear. Irrevocably ruining our otherwise very tight and very loving (if flawed in ways) mother-daughter relationship. So, I didn't. Because I feared the potential conflict. It is something I will regret my entire life... because had I tried that, at least I could then say "I did everything I possibly could". But I didn't.

It reached a point where I was so mentally and emotionally shaken by all this that in our final confrontation (online at the time), I refused to answer my phone when she called. The only time I never answered her. I called it tough love at the time. Something I had never tried with anyone because... again... me and conflict, cannot deal.

About an hour later, she ended her life.

After the hazy days of shock and the memorial service, I was losing my mind with grief, guilt, and anger. I was angry at her. Angry at God. Angry at the lack of help and services that could have potentially prevented all this. And I absolutely HATED myself. I held no greater anger than at my inability to have saved her, for not answering the phone and trying (as I'd successfully done so many times before). It didn't matter that my brain logically understood I was not at fault; my heart was broken, and that's all I could feel.

I looked online for grief support groups. There wasn't really anything locally that was either a) active or b) wasn't during work hours. But I HAD to talk to someone. Someone professional. Someone who had no previous ties or connection to me or my situation. I needed an outsider's perspective to keep the guilt from eating me alive. I saw a listing for a suicide grief support group at inconvenient times at Haven Hospice and drove out there. A very sweet counselor there admitted their group would be ill-equipped to help me - it was intended for people "further down the grief road", not freshly-introduced like me - but she let me talk and vent in her office and she offered as much support as she could, bless her, and told me to see if my workplace offered any services.

So, I did. Our ad director at the time handed me a little card with a hotline associated with our healthcare insurance agency. I explained my situation and they set me up with a counselor for a free six-week session. That is, sadly, the only positive thing this entire system provided.

I visited this counselor once a week for six weeks. She was... somewhat helpful, somewhat not. I don't feel like we were a very good fit at all, but she was the only one our emergency hotline plan would send me to. And ironically enough, that's all she took from them... for long-term, she didn't accept the insurance company my workplace uses and so if I wanted to continue my sessions past the six free weeks, I would have to pay in full out of pocket. Which was gonna be roughly $200 weekly that I didn't really have extra to spend.

After six weeks, I was cut loose. Because you totally move right past suicide survivor trauma in just six weeks, right? Ha. Haha.

I looked online for ANY counselor that might accept our insurance. I needed help. More importantly, I recognized that and wanted the help. I ignored the stigma that goes along with people seeking out a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist. The stigma of being viewed as either crazy or weak. The stigma that exists for mental situations, but not physical... nobody views you oddly or as being weak for seeing a doctor when you're sick or injured, but if you're suffering something mentally?

I found very few who even accepted insurance at all, and none who took ours, and without the extra $800 a month to spend on my mental health out-of-pocket, I simply endured. I had no choice. I found an online forum for suicide survivors and that helped a little bit for a while. But as time moved on, I had to leave. Seeing the newly grief-stricken day after day merely reopened raw wounds and I could find no healing there, only other lost souls who couldn't find professional help and desperately turned to strangers online for at least the comfort of camaraderie in the world's most awful club.

Fast-forward to this year. I found myself in a mentally toxic work situation. I had taken a different position and it was NOT working out at all like I had hoped. What I originally viewed as a challenge and maybe an opportunity to expand myself spiraled into the worst possible decision. I ultimately realized I was not cut out for sales. At all. Because it's 90% rejection, 10% successes. And even the wins didn't feel good because there were so many not-wins. I felt out of control of my life. I felt like a failure. And in that kind of position, you often have to deal with angry people for reasons that you were not responsible for, but you were "the face" to yell at. Yeah, that whole conflict thing for me again... I was undone. I cried in my car a lot. Coworkers found me sobbing in the bathroom an embarrassing number of times. I was in constant stress mode physically and mentally and I feared it would eventually take a toll on my health. I was always fighting with everyone in my life and coming home in SUPER BITCH mode to my poor husband. I was not "me". Not by a long shot.

I was in such a bad state. But I also felt trapped. I didn't want to die, but I did want to simply "not exist". At least for a little while. I needed help. I would have LOVED to have some sessions with a counselor. But Google searches told me the same sad story as I experienced five years ago: nobody takes your insurance, if they take insurance at all, and considering I was constantly 10 seconds away from rage-quitting in desperation at any given moment, I wasn't gonna be blowing wads of cash for mental health out-of-pocket.

Thankfully, a new position opportunity opened up at work that was a MUCH better fit for me, so I received the escape I had desperately been seeking. Today is such a 180 from three months ago that words don't do it justice.

But what if that hadn't happened? What if I was still clawing inside my head? With no real access to professional help?

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because I know exactly what it does to those left behind. But I also can't lay much blame on the soul that was hurting so badly that their pain blinded them to anything else... because what freaking HELP do they really have? Friends and family can only do so much - if either is even in the picture (some people aren't so fortunate). A suicide hotline is better than nothing, I suppose, but that seems like trying to put a bandage on a severed limb... it might be helpful in the short-term, but what help exists long-term? If they have no insurance or their insurance isn't accepted by counselors, how can they get help?

"Well, that's no excuse for the mega-rich, they can afford it!" And that absolutely is an understandable response. Other than even if you CAN just blow wads of cash for non-insured treatment, you still get to deal with the lovely stigma of being "weak" or "crazy". Because mental health is not viewed the same as physical health. People don't get it. You're simply expected to "be strong" or "man up". On that note, I imagine it's even WORSE for men because you guys are often reared to "not cry" and "be a man" and essentially have it drilled into your skull that feelings are bad and belong solely to the realm of women.

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because that mental health stigma immediately rears its ugly head every time, with every comment about the act being selfish. Because while it absolutely is selfish on some levels, at the end of the day, this was a person who fucking needed HELP and either could not get it or was too afraid/ashamed to try and get it, most likely. The system failed them, but instead of us getting righteously angry about THAT, we victim-blame instead.

Our healthcare system SUCKS. Our mental healthcare system is essentially non-existent. And I think that makes me angry more than anything else.

/ridiculously long rant... if you made it through all that, thank you

[soldierheartcd]

I’m Already Taken || Drabble

Written For: xmcmusesx

Characters: Isaac Riggs and Delia Burton ( with a blink and you’ll miss it mention of Bailey Shepherd & a little bit with their future son )

Song Based On: I’m Already Taken by Steve Wariner

Author’s Note: First of all, I hope you don’t mind me stealing your title and information style above the read more. Second, I legit haven’t written a drabble in ages, so please forgive me if this is absolutely terrible. Third, I hope I didn’t mess Isaac up too badly. I just really love how awkward these two are during their teenage years, so I tried to capture that. Finally, you know that I miss you lots, so hopefully this will help you to at least a little bit better on those days when it seems like nothing is going the way you wish it would. Okay, I’mma stop rambling on now, I promise! Let’s get to the story!

        They were supposed to be focused on the white board at the front of the classroom, listening to the teacher give her latest lecture on how to make nouns plural, but Isaac couldn't be less interested. Instead, the eight year old was busy crafting what he was sure would be the perfect note to pass. Reading over his sentiment one final time, the yellow piece of paper was neatly folded in half and then half again. After a tap on the shoulder of the student in front of him and some whispered instructions, the letter quickly made its way up the row to the front where an all too familiar blonde girl sat.

        Blue eyes now glued to the scene in front of him, breath was held as he watched the note be opened, just as curious as ever to know what was going through the girl's mind as she skimmed over the three most important words that had ever been put to paper. Well, at least as far as the sender was concerned anyway. Unfortunately, the words she all but mouthed upon turning in her chair to face him were the exact opposite of what he'd been hoping to hear.

        Apparently, she was already taken. He had spoken up too late. She loved somebody else, and he would just have to wait.

        How embarrassing.

        Years passed in the blink of an eye, and soon enough the pair found themselves in Junior High. Homecoming was coming up in a couple of weeks, and there was only one person Isaac wanted to ask as his date -- that same blonde haired girl from third grade. Surely five years was enough time to wait. His feelings hadn't changed a single bit, but hopefully hers had. Fingers were crossed anyway.

        Fortunately, with their parents being longtime friends and colleagues, it wasn't hard to get her phone number. With every last ounce of courage he could muster, the number was dialed and the phone began to ring. Upon hearing the sweet, familiar voice on the other end of the line, he began to confess exactly how he'd felt ever since the day he'd passed that original note.

        "Hello?"

        "Hey, it's umn... It's Isaac." Just be cool.

        "Oh, hey. What's up?"

        "I was wondering... I mean, if you don't already have any plans for Homecoming, maybe you might want to go together?" Why did he always get so damn tongue tied around her?

        A moment of silence. Was she trying to figure out the perfect excuse to let him down easy? She hadn't already hung up, had she?

        "...you mean together as in a date, or together as in good friends?"

        "Well, I really like hanging out with you, and you are one of my best friends, but I was thinking --"

        Okay, she could see where this was going, and it was probably better to stop him before his heart literally beat out of his chest. Delia could've sworn she'd already heard it through the phone a couple of times. "Listen, you're really sweet to ask and all, but I've kind of already told Bailey that I would go with him. Maybe we can try and find each other during halftime for a little bit or something, though."

        Once again, she was already taken. He had spoken up too late. She was already in love -- or at the very least involved -- with somebody else, and he would just have to wait.

        "Yeah, umn... Sounds like a plan. So, I guess I'll see you later, then."

        "Yeah, see ya."

        And with that, both parties hung up. A small smirk and soft shake of the head was Delia's final take before moving on, but Isaac had been left embarrassed and rejected for the second time. Even so, he was determined not to give up so easily.

        Fifteen years had passed since that awkward telephone call, and Isaac's love for Delia never wavered. If anything, it only grew stronger. Fortunately, she'd finally come to her senses five years prior, and the two had been married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony. Two years later, the couple had been blessed with their first child -- a son. He was easily the best parts of both parents, and they loved him with everything they had.

        As she tucked the now three year old into bed, it felt like just yesterday they were throwing a huge first birthday party for family and friends to attend and help celebrate. Where had the time gone, and why was it flying by so quickly? With all the new advances in technology, why hadn't someone figured out a way to at least slow it down a little bit yet?

        Bedtime storybook now closed for the night, a gentle kiss was pressed to the little boy's forehead, before his mother stood up from the bed, just in time to be surprised by an innocent question.

        "Mommy, will you marry me?"

        He'd apparently been paying a lot closer attention to the actual story about princes and princesses than she'd originally thought. So much for assuming her son only wanted to hear the tale because it included super cool dragons like in one of his favorite movies.

        "Awww, baby." The sentiment truly warmed Delia's heart, and she couldn't help but lightly laugh as she caught sight of Isaac leaned up against the door frame, sporting a smirk of his own.

        "I'm already taken, so you'll have to wait. But, I can promise you one thing, though." 

        Crouching down next to the bed, she brushed a few stray blonde locks from his forehead before making her vow. "One day you're gonna meet a girl who makes you happier than you've ever been, and all you're gonna wanna do is spend all your time with her. She's gonna make you laugh all the time, and she's gonna love you just as much as you love her. Wanna know how I know?"

        A nod of the head was the little boy's response, despite the fact that he was almost certain at least the majority of the girls he knew were filled with gross cooties.

        "Because that's exactly how your daddy and I feel about each other."

        There was no more waiting. There was no more need to put oneself out there, only to be rejected in favor of someone else. There was just pure, true, and unconditional love. It might've taken Delia a little bit longer to realize, but Isaac had seen the signs of their happily ever after ending from the day he'd first laid eyes on a little blonde haired girl in his third grade Language Arts class.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Crunchyroll Favorites 2016, Part One: Anime and Manga!

Hoo boy, 2016 was a rough year (and that's putting it very, very mildly)--but there were a few bright spots, and that's what we're here to talk about today! Crunchyroll Favorites kicks off its fifth year with another three-part look at all our favorites from the past twelve months!

  The rules were simple: for Part One, only anime, manga, and related media that were released in 2016 (or received a Western release in 2016), or experienced a major milestone (like starting a new season or closing up a major arc). There's a lot to look at in Part One--let's get started!

  NATE MING (@NateMing)

  FLIP FLAPPERS- Finally, a modern magical girl series that steps out of Madoka's shadow and delivers something that's unique, energetic, and positive as hell. Callouts to everything from Fist of the North Star to Sukeban Deka to (of course) Sailor Moon are welcome for longtime fans, while still getting appropriately dark and moody. Cocona is all about the unease of adolescence, and Papika exudes the simple charm of Son Goku in all her pure, heroic glory. Speaking of...

    Dragon Ball Super- I rarely get excited to watch simulcasts as they come out--I tend to wait and binge, but I'm there every week within a day for Dragon Ball Super. In 1995, when I was 13 years old, I wanted a sequel to Dragon Ball Z with Future Trunks coming back. Now, over twenty years later, I get to see a DBZ sequel where Future Trunks comes back--and the series feels even more like the original Dragon Ball. This is the real secret to eternal youth.

    Yuri!!! on ICE- Yeah yeah, "fujo bait" or some other BS, you're just mad their fandom is more organized than yours. That says a lot to me--that a TV anime, a sports anime, can pull together so many people and get them excited, week after week. Lapsed fans have viewing parties, share recommendations, and remember why they were once into anime in the first place. This is what happens when it feels like something's made for you, and that's a wonderful thing. Yuri!!! on ICE was a pretty okay show, but it's what it symbolizes that means so much more to me.

    JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable- I always say that JoJo's is like the original Star Trek movies--the best parts are even-numbered. Diamond is Unbreakable continues Studio David's glorious adaptation of Araki's mega-epic, bringing out all the style and soul and violence of Josuke and the gang's battle to save their town. New to JoJo? Start here--and buckle up.

    Tanaka-kun is Always Listless- Anime comedies are pretty important to me--whether it's the sheer absurdity of Cromartie High School or the more low-key silliness of Tonari no Seki-kun, finding a fairly simple premise and then focusing on it is a good way to hook me. In this case, a lazy guy has to deal with his high-energy friends, and we learn that sometimes, taking it easy is the only easy way to get ahead in life.

    Evangelion 3.33: You Can(Not) Redo- It felt like this movie was never going to come out here after its 2012 release, but holy crap it was worth the wait. After the familiar ground of 1.11 and the bold, assertive new direction 2.22 took, 3.33 brings us back to what Evangelion does best: raw emotional pain, horrifying visuals, and never quite trusting or rooting for anybody we see on-screen. What a ride.

    Rurouni Kenshin live-action trilogy- Another awesome release that was a long time coming, this adaptation of my all-time favorite manga condenses the first 17(ish) volumes of the series into three movies, trimming some plotlines and making them all just work as dynamic, rough, yet stylish martial arts actioners. Thankfully, great fights and drama don't overshadow Rurouni Kenshin's sense of fun. Check these out when you can!

    Thunderbolt Fantasy- Written and created by Gen Urobuchi? Voice acting by Junichi Suwabe, Rikiya Koyama, Nobuyuki Hiyama, and Tomokazu Seki? An opening by T.M. Revolution?! I don't care what you say, you have those credentials, it can be live-action and be made in Antarctica and still be anime as hell. As the only person I know who regularly bought ComicsONE's kung-fu manhua, Thunderbolt Fantasy brought me back to the days of hunting down volumes of Saint Legend and Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre.

    My Hero Academia (manga)- There's always a certain point when a manga hooks me, and I'm in it for better or for worse. One Piece had Arlong Park (and later Enies Lobby). Naruto had the Chunin Exam. Hunter x Hunter had Yorknew City. Now, My Hero Academia's 2016 developments--and a very public, dangerous reveal and its emotional fallout--have pulled me in. I don't just say "My Hero Academia is good." Now I say "My Hero Academia is One Piece good."

    Crunchyroll x Funimation- Competition's good, but everybody wins when we all work together. Funimation are the other half of what we do, and have been in this business a hell of a lot longer. Being able to watch brand-new anime subbed on CR or dubbed on Funi is the kind of thing I never thought I'd see, and I am excited as hell to be a part of this, and to see what good it can do for anime fans.

  JOSEPH LUSTER (@Moldilox)

Dragon Ball Super- Dragon Ball Super went from "this thing I keep hearing is poorly animated" to "my favorite show of the year" in record time. As soon as it was available legally I jumped into a mountain-leveling, rosé-tinted marathon of madness, and as of right now it's the best damn thing since DBZ. Super has completely rekindled my not-so-dormant love for all things Toriyama, and I can't wait to see where they take the series next.

    Mob Psycho 100- I loved the One-Punch Man anime, but I'm pretty sure Shigeo "Mob" Kageyama could take Saitama in an unrestrained fight. That's saying a lot, but it's just another indicator of how much I adored BONES' gorgeously-animated spin on ONE's manga (which needs to come out in English ASAP). It certainly has some of the most creative fights of 2016, and that's a year that brought us the butt-battling of Keijo!!!!!!!!

    Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- On paper, Re:ZERO isn't something I should have enjoyed as much as I did. I read the first volume of the light novel series and found it as clunky and poorly written as most other light novels I've attempted (noted exception: Kizumonogatari), but the anime really hooked me. It's one of the few series I felt I was watching right alongside everyone else, and it never failed to surprise me and punch me in the gut when it mattered most. This one will be remembered fondly down the line, and here's hoping we get more since Tappei Nagatsuki is still churning out volume after volume of the novels in Japan.

  Also, Subaru is great, you just can't handle how devastatingly real he is.

  PETER FOBIAN (@PeterFobian)

  FLIP FLAPPERS- On a visual level, FLIP FLAPPERS is a fascinating tour de force of concept and animation, featuring regular bouts of intense sakuga and amazing environmental design in the diverse worlds of pure illusion all illustrated in a pseudo-classical style. For critics it is a cornucopia of satisfying references to fine art, science, psychology, philosophy, and spiritualism with visual callouts to a diverse range of media from Neon Genesis Evangelion to The Shining to Popeye. For the casual viewer it’s a powerful story of adolescent discovery told both literally and through beautifully-rendered metaphor.

    Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- Despite the formulaic basis of Re:ZERO’s story, appearing as one of a dime-a-dozen isekai light novel adaptations featuring a female harem, Re:ZERO proved to have some serious narrative worth. Not quite a deconstruction, Re:ZERO featured a deeply flawed protagonist in Subaru and an atypical narrative featuring a novel premise in Subaru’s ability to resurrect from death. This gave the anime a huge potential for speculation, and created an entire community of enthusiasts and analysts who followed it from week to week to see what happened next.

    ERASED- Halfway through winter season I was absolutely convinced that nothing in 2016 would be able to top the combination of subtle direction, emotional narrative, and unique premise of ERASED. The series masterfully invested its audience in Kayo’s well-being, so for the viewer, the series became less about solving the mystery of the murders than the simple hope that this brave, unfairly abused girl could find some modicum of happiness in a cruel world. Satoru’s altruistic quest, forthright concern, willingness to admit his own faults, and habit of accidentally vocalizing his thoughts made him a truly endearing protagonist.

    March comes in like a lion- This show tells a story that's as difficult to look at as it is to look away from. The inextricable nature of the sources of Rei’s joy and sorrow have created a narrow path he must walk upon just at the edge of despair. Studio SHAFT makes excellent use of visuals, employing darkness and deep water to give Rei’s emotions an elemental quality that allow you to experience the suffocating hold that his depression has upon him, while surrounding the Kawamoto household with a warmth and childlike simplicity that represents the refuge their unconditional love offers to him.

    Mob Psycho 100- Mob Psycho 100 may justifiably have a place on top 10 lists for 2016 simply for visual power of the anime alone. Like FLIP FLAPPERS, Mob Psycho 100 is a demonstration of what is possible when you let artists loose on a project. It also showcased ONE’s versatility as a storyteller, strangely, by portraying the same type of overwhelmingly powerful protagonist through a different lens. Behind all the oddball humor and eye-popping art is the story of a boy who struggles with being normal, while everyone around him wants to stand out.

    Shōwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjū- What we have here is one of a kind: a dedicated, generational period piece not only faithfully depicting post-war Japan, but doing so through the the lens of an obscure and nearly-extinct form of artist theater that is uniquely Japanese. Rakugo feels like the sort of soulful, arthouse passion project that a Hollywood director would have to put years of time in to build the clout to justify its creation. Its direction, emphasizing on gesture and expression, is absolutely cinematic, drawing out each emotional note of the melancholic narrative. The somber humanity of Rakugo almost doesn’t feel like an anime, and is a testament to the versatility of the medium.

    My Hero Academia- The next up-and-coming shonen hall-of-famer, in many ways My Hero Academia has already surpassed many of its peers with its fascinating triadic rivalry between Deku, Kacchan, and Todoroki. MHA does a tremendous job of portraying its immensely charming cast of characters' pursuit of diverse personal goals that are equal parts altruism and self-interest. Most importantly, Horikoshi has tapped into the ethos of superheroes, creating inspirational figures that are intrinsically human, but saddled with the responsibility of representing something larger than life.

    JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable- Despite my many attempts to get into the series, Diamond is Unbreakable is perhaps the first iteration of JoJo that had something interesting to say. The slow-burn murder mystery set in an idyllic town and the many asides, notations, and references all work in concert to build the fictional city of Morioh into a nearly real place like The Simpsons' Springfield. With that hurdle passed, Araki’s stylized art and its amazing adaptation into color and movement by Studio David become an art form unto themselves.

    Tanaka-kun is Always Listless- Maybe it was how atypical Tanaka was as a lead in a medium where protagonists are homogenously faceless, featureless, and altruistic that drew me to this series. The entire cast each have some sort of hang-up, but the titular Tanaka-kun just treats it differently (ironically) by treating them all the same. Tanaka-kun definitely has a lot of offer on the classroom comedy front, but it also provides a unique sort of iyashikei, or healing media, in which characters' idiosyncrasies are taken in stride and wholeheartedly accepted, even appreciated, by others. It’s this light-hearted dedication to the positive that makes this anime so dear to me.

    Yuri!!! on ICE- Complaints about animation and 11th hour writing aside, I do believe Yuri!!! on ICE was one of the most important anime this year or perhaps of the past several years. Yuri!!! on ICE is a story meant to appeal to a much more vast audience than the more targeted content we’re used to, and it showed. It's created new fans for the sport of figure skating, reached out to the LGBT community, and represented countries that hardly see a mention in modern media. It was written for a global audience and it reached it. Only time will tell if it's destined to have any sort of lasting cultural impact, but in the present, at least, it has drawn some deserved attention to the art form.

  KARA DENNISON (@RubyCosmos)

  Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress- I had this show dropped on me by a friend with absolutely no lead-in whatsoever. I've had my fill of steampunk and zombies, so I nearly gave it the brush-off... but then I realized Mikimoto was behind the character designs! It's a gorgeous piece of work, and not at all tuned to the tropes I was expecting. The promise of more is incredibly exciting.

    BAKUON!!- Motorcycle anime? Sign me up. It took literally zero arm-twisting to get me into a show about schoolgirls on bikes. Especially when one of them is pretty much literally the Stig. I haven't finished this yet, but I'm looking forward to watching the end very soon!

    Love Live! School Idol Project (pre-2016)- Yeah, yeah, I'm late to the party. After lurking around on the game, I finally gave the anime a try to see what all the fuss was about. And I admit it: it's actually really good. It helped that I was in touch with the characters after playing on the app for so long, I think, but I really did jam with this. Looking forward to starting Sunshine soon.

  EVAN MINTO (@VamptVo)

Space Patrol Luluco- As Crunchyroll’s resident Trigger fan, I’m obligated to put Luluco at the top of my list. It’s the famed studio of loony ex-Gainax dorks indulging in some of the most surreal, self-referential comedy this side of FLCL (the show where Luluco director Hiroyuki Imaishi got his start as an animation director). Not only does Luluco boast references to every Trigger property from Kill la Kill to Kiznaiver and cameos from Little Witch Academia, Sex & Violence, and 2016’s REAL Best Boy — Inferno Cop — but it’s also a surprisingly sincere shojo-inspired cosmic love story!

    Mob Psycho 100- I loved what I saw of One-Punch Man, though I never did finish it (I know, I know). Mob Psycho 100, also from webcomic artist ONE, has some of the same appeal — superpowered battles, lush animation, and an absurd, slightly dark sense of humor — but cuts it with a heartfelt coming-of-age-story. More than anything else, though, I watched Mob just to see what wild shots the animators at BONES would try next, and I was rarely disappointed. Mob Psycho 100 is easily one of the best-looking shows of the past five years; every animator gets a chance to show off their unique style, and even the most mundane scenes are infused with energy and personality.

    ERASED- It’s rare we get an anime series I can comfortably recommend to my parents, but ERASED manages to capture the nail-biting cliffhangers and complex mysteries that drive so many popular modern American TV series. On top of all of that, director Tomohiko Ito (of Sword Art Online fame, go figure) crafts powerful, cinematic visuals without resorting to expressionistic anime flourishes. When it all comes together it’s a captivating experience. The ending needs a bit more room to breathe, but even with a few stumbles at the finish line, ERASED is a series I’ll be recommending for years to come.

    JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable- I wasn’t super pleased with Stardust Crusaders, but Diamond is Unbreakable brings back all of the wacky charm of the first two parts of the JoJo’s saga, EXCEPT WITH STANDS. This time Araki doesn’t hold back, introducing a host of completely absurd Stand powers, including: “transform a person into a newspaper and read their life story,” “heal people via Italian food,” and “a real army but the size of toys.” It’s also much smaller-scale, with a lot of recurring characters, many of whom are some of my favorites in the whole series. Though they’ve dropped the incredible Kamikaze Douga OP sequences, David Production makes up for it with colorful, high-contrast artwork that perfectly accentuates Araki’s manic sense of style. I’m sad to see Diamond is Unbreakable go, but JoJo’s still has so much more in store.

    Only Yesterday- At 25 years old this year, Only Yesterday is hardly a “new” title, but 2016 was the first time we got it in the United States! Produced at Studio Ghibli and directed by Grave of the Fireflies’ Isao Takahata, the film is a beautifully understated, lyrical look at a woman’s life, told simultaneously through a summer spent farming and a series of memories from her childhood. Most of the movie is ordinary almost to a fault, but like many of Takahata’s movies, it builds carefully and almost imperceptibly to a sublime emotional climax. Only Yesterday is easily one of my favorite anime of all time.

    Belladonna of Sadness- Another retro release, Belladonna is the third and final film in the Animerama series of erotic art films produced by Osamu Tezuka’s Mushi Productions. This one, however, is entirely directed by Eiichi Yamamoto (Tezuka co-produced the other two). Suffice it to say, it’s not exactly what you might expect from the studio that produced Astro Boy. A medieval lord rapes a beautiful peasant woman, who seeks revenge by making a deal with the devil. Yamamoto presents the story’s gothic horror — complete with Satanic rituals and frightening descents into madness — with elaborate animated paintings and an incredible psychedelic rock soundtrack from Masahiko Satoh. Not for the faint of heart, Belladonna of Sadness is an arresting work of experimental animation that’s a welcome change of pace from the banality of modern anime.

    One-Punch Man (manga)- I’m finally close to caught up with One-Punch Man, and I’m surprised I didn’t read it sooner! Eyeshield 21’s Yusuke Murata has a great eye for character design and pulls off some surprisingly ambitious page layouts, but it’s ONE’s absurd, childish sense of humor that makes the series stand out so much from its shonen action contemporaries. Saitama’s complete apathy undercuts every opportunity for serious danger or drama, giving the series a sardonic self-awareness that’s relatively rare in shonen action series.

    And Yet the Town Moves- After a 10-year run, And Yet the Town Moves is finally over. Masakazu Ishiguro’s decade-long manga never follows a single storyline for more than two or three chapters, instead constructing a deliberately out-of-order series of episodic comedy vignettes about a small Japanese town and the grossly out-of-place maid café at its center. What always made And Yet the Town Moves a joy to go back to was Ishiguro’s ability to weave endless strings of jokes at his characters’ expense, all while painting a picture of a tight-knit community of decent, lovable folks both old and young. Appropriately for a sitcom that consistently shuns sentimentality in favor of comedy, the final chapter ends with just another dumb joke.

    The Gods Lie.- Lots of anime and manga feature children as the main characters, but it’s rare that these stories really tackle what it means to be a child in modern society. The Gods Lie, on the other hand, tackles it head on with the story of three kids — the oldest of whom are in 6th grade — who live alone in an abandoned house for a summer. There’s a fair bit of high drama in this single book (an absentee father, a sick, elderly soccer coach) but The Gods Lie communicates far more about how how societies nurture and shelter their children through showcasing the fractured but functional surrogate family that the three kids form for each other.

    The Osamu Tezuka Story- Though it’s sometimes a little too detailed for its own good, The Osamu Tezuka Story is an invaluable book for anyone like me who’s obsessed with the life and work of Osamu Tezuka, the “God of Manga” who created Astro Boy and revolutionized both the postwar manga and anime industries. In manga form, author Toshio Ban lays out Tezuka’s life from his schoolboy days sketching in the margins of notebooks to his death in 1989, pulling from memoirs, interviews, and personal accounts from those who knew him best. Tezuka loved to write manga epics about the lives of heroes and historical figures, so it’s fitting that he’d get immortalized in his own manga biography.

  SAM WOLFE (@_Samtaro)

One Piece- 2016 was another great year for the One Piece manga, as the Straw Hats finally did something fans have been anticipating for years: take on one of the Four Emperors of the Sea! Luffy has been making waves on Whole Cake Island, home to the notorious pirate lord Big Mom (and let me tell you, she’s got that name for a reason). Next to Teach, Big Mom has become one of my favorite One Piece villains, largely due to her distorted views on family. But is Big Mom really so bad? After all, her dream is to sit at a table where everyone sits at the same height…

  ERASED- ERASED was a critically received murder mystery and drama that took the anime world by storm earlier this year, and I can’t sing its praises enough. Regardless of your feelings on the ending, ERASED had us gripped, and because the anime promised an alternate ending than its source manga, we were all in the dark. But to me, the success of ERASED was its appeal to both anime fans and non-anime fans. When a newbie asks me for anime recommendations, ERASED is sure to be on that list.

  Dragon Ball Super- Dragon Ball Super really wasn’t on my radar until it was licensed in the States, and boy am I happy it was. As a big fan of Battle of the Gods and Resurrection F, Super was familiar territory, but this year I realized how good of a follow-up this show is to Dragon Ball Z; the power levels are higher, as are the stakes, and Goku is finally an underdog again. It’s good to be back.

  Yuri!!! on ICE- I know, I know, you’ve heard enough about this one, but it deserves the nod. Yuri!!! on ICE is a special show for a lot of reasons: it’s appealing to anime fans and non-anime fans alike, it was an original story (meaning, it’s not based on a manga or light novel), and it told the story of two male figure skaters falling in love. It’s more than just a fujoshi dream come true; Yuri!!! on ICE did something really new, and that’s worth noting, even if you’re not a fan.

  ISAAC AKERS (@iblessall)

As has been my custom with this space over the past few years (okay, just last year), rather than highlighting the shows that made it into my top 10 of the year, I’ll be touching on a few of the year’s offerings that just missed the cut.

    She and Her Cat -Everything Flows- One of the quietest and shortest shows of the year was also a serious contender for being one of its best. Based on an earlier work of the same main title by Makoto Shinkai, She and Her Cat -Everything Flows- is a peaceful, melancholic look at the life of a young woman struggling with the loneliness and sadness that can come with being out on your own in the world. Much like one of my favorite short pieces from 2015, the Animator Expo’s tomorrow from there. She and Her Cat captures with ease and empathy a kind of wistful yet warm existential state. If you’ve been in the main character’s shoes even a little (or, if you’re in them right now), She and Her Cat -Everything Flows- is like getting a nice hug.

    Three Leaves, Three Colors- Studio Dogakobo is well-known for their bouncy comedies, with recent hits like Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun and Love Lab leading the list. However, Three Leaves, Three Colors (from the same mangaka as Engaged to the Unidentified) is a somewhat more demure affair despite sharing many of the same trappings. With standout bits of animation scattered throughout and great color work, it’s a pleasure to look at, but it also boasts a rock-solid main trio of friends who play off each other in fun ways. There are even some almost surrealistic comedic interludes interspersed here and there. If you like moe comedies and missed this one this year, here’s your cue to check it out!

    The Lost Village- Arguably the most controversial show of the entire year when it was airing, whether The Lost Village was genius, mediocre, or horrid varies depending on who you ask. I’ve weighed in on the matter with my own thoughts multiple times, but even considering how much respect I ended up having for the show I still find myself a bit baffled by it. That being said, it’s definitely one of the shows I had the most fun watching, writing, and discussing during the year, and I think those who engage with it ready to be flexible with their expectations will find, at the very least, a very unique anime to add to their completed list.

  As for manga… I didn’t read any manga this year and I don’t think Nate will let me put Orange on my list for the third straight year, so sorry. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I would have been cool with this.] Pokemon Special’s still fun and good, by the way.

  NICK CREAMER (@B0bduh)

  FLIP FLAPPERS- FLIP FLAPPERS offered basically everything I want in an anime: great character writing, stirring themes, beautiful worlds, and an overall sense of whimsy that kept the whole thing fun and propulsive even when it was touching on topics like child abandonment and an inability to love yourself. It was an astonishing visual showcase and also a remarkably well-constructed character story, using its many diverse Pure Illusion adventures to consistently illustrate new things about its central characters. It’s one of those weird passion projects that make anime special, and I’m very happy it exists.

    Concrete Revolutio: The Last Song- Okay, when I said FLIP FLAPPERS was everything I want in an anime, I sort of lied - I also like shows with searing political messages, and The Last Song was that all over. Depicting the breakdown of an alternate post-war Japan where superheroes are real, The Last Song was more reflective and bittersweet than Concrete Revolutio’s first season, but just as clever, creative, and engaging. From its wild pop-art style to its smart application of superhero archetypes to the social turmoil of 60s/70s Japan, The Last Song offered me a hefty meal to dig into every single week.

    Sound! Euphonium 2- And reaching the final pole of my anime preferences, Sound! Euphonium continued to be thoughtful character drama done right. The show’s second season was messier than its first, adapting some material that couldn’t match the consistency of its predecessor, but the show’s characters continued to be very strong, and Kyoto Animation’s execution was just beyond compare. While many shows use the open canvas of animation to tell soaring, fantastical narratives, Euphonium demonstrated just how much magic and beauty there is in the personal and everyday.

    Kizumonogatari- Oh, I also watched the first two Kizu movies this year, and they were glorious. Monogatari has been one of my favorite anime franchises for years now, but seeing Tatsuya Oishi’s gorgeous take on the prequel novel still felt like a revelatory experience. Instead of the TV series’ usual embrace of heavy internal monologue, Oishi fully realized Araragi’s depression, panic, and sexual mania through sound and pictures alone, making for one of the most distinctive and visceral film experiences I’ve seen. The Kizu films are a remarkable achievement.

  FROG-KUN (@frog_kun)

Yuri!!! on ICE - An anime that was born to make history. Besides all the pretty boys and ice skating, the one thing that will stick with me about this show is how international its scope was. Yuri!!! on ICE takes you around the world and offers a surprisingly detailed and true-to-life picture of international competitive ice skating. We got to see skaters from Thailand and Kazakhstan excel at what they love on the world stage. As compelling as Yuri's journey as an athlete was, any of the skaters could have been the main character of this story. In fact, this was something that director Sayo Yamamoto and mangaka Mitsuro Kubo specifically went out of their way to suggest. No wonder this series was so beloved around this world!

    Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- This series might look like a typical fantasy-adventure story about an insufferable male nerd at first glance, but I was really impressed by how much empathy the narrative had for its main character. Subaru is an extremely weak character in the scheme of things, and the world doesn't revolve around him. His struggle to connect with others and move past his self-hatred resonated with me for similar reasons that My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU and Neon Genesis Evangelion did. I also happened to really love all the side characters in this series, and there's enough left unexplained by the end to make me burn with curiosity to find out what happens next. Season 2 when?!

    your name.- I got to see Makoto Shinkai's masterpiece when it came out in Australian cinemas in November, and I ended up loving it so much that I saw it twice in three days! In my view, it's the first Shinkai film that balances its macro plot and themes equally with the love story, and that might be one of the reasons why I found it so personally relatable. your name. was created in response to the Fukushima disaster, and I found its message of empathizing with others and treasuring every fleeting moment especially profound in that context. I also think that the film touches on something deep about the way we humans connect with each other, and how it's possible for us to emotionally identify with people we've never even physically met. For that reason, among many others, it has become one of my favorite anime of all time.

  WILHELM DONKO (@Surwill)

Sound! Euphonium 2- The first Sound! Euphonium was already my favorite anime of 2015, and the sequel again managed to make my list this year, as the second season was not lacking any of the traits and attributes responsible for the remarkable first season. Sound! Euphonium 2 kept its authentic grounded tone, which was accompanied by realistic characters and character-interactions, relatable drama, and background art nothing short of stunning. After a bit of a slow start, the season really picked up after the incredibly animated musical performance during the Kansai Competition, and in the end managed to tie up most loose ends beautifully. I’d also like to quickly mention Kumiko’s voice actresses’ unusual and mellow performance, which added a lot of personality to her character in my opinion.

    Haikyu!!- Volleyball? I’m surely not going to care for an anime about a sport I don’t even know all the rules to. Boy, was I wrong. I picked up Haikyu!! around the start of the year, while the second cour of the second season was still running, and was immediately hooked. The show is extremely engaging, energetic, fast-paced, and almost always kept me on the edge of my seat during the matches. Haikyu!!’s cast is equally lovable (even the opponents in the show are great), and undergo some major character development throughout the seasons. I really did not care for Tsukishima at the beginning of show, but he soon became one of my favorites, especially after the thrilling third season. I guess I could say the same about Haikyu!! in general.

    Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- I don’t think I need to talk a lot about Re:ZERO, as it was undoubtedly one the biggest, if not the biggest anime this year. The show was definitely one of the more interesting takes on the Isekai (different world) formula in recent memory, and always sparked a great amount of discussion after each episode. And what can I say? I really liked to see Subaru suffer.

    Love Live! Sunshine!!- I’m fully aware that Love Live! Sunshine!! is the odd one out of all my picks, and I would never objectively consider it as anime of the year, but it was my personal favorite of 2016. Even though I watched both seasons of the original, I never really cared for the Love Live! series, but that drastically changed with the start of Love Live! Sunshine!! While I never warmed up to Muse, I just adore every member of Aqour’s, and generally consider Sunshine!! to be a step up in every aspect compared to the original. However, it wasn’t until my own pilgrimage to the show’s setting, Uchiura and Numazu that I really fell in love with the series. I’ve done a lot of anime pilgrimages, but this one ranks among my favorites. After that I started collecting everything Love Live! Sunshine!! related I could get my hands upon. From art books, to figures to coffee mugs, I have it all – I even play that darn mobile game every day. Yousoro ~

  Honorable Mentions: Flying Witch, KONOSUBA, Ajin.

  BRANDON TETERUCK (@Don_Don_Kun)

FLIP FLAPPERS– Magical girl anime have encountered a bit of a dry spell in recent years. Thankfully Kiyotaka Oshiyama brought us a unique spin on the genre with his directorial debut, FLIP FLAPPERS. While FLIP FLAPPERS was a mishmash of different styles, ranging from campy shojo horror to Mad Max action, each episode worked harmoniously to create a cohesive emotional narrative. FLIP FLAPPERS’ two heroines, Papika and Cocona, learn more about themselves and each other by exploring a slew of psychedelic and dreamlike worlds. Although the peculiar fusion of genres may not suit every audience’s taste, FLIP FLAPPERS had essentially what I wanted out of a modern magical girl anime: creative and experimental animation sequences, heavily allegorical storytelling, and fabulous henshin scenes.

  KIZNAIVER– Hiroshi Kobayashi’s directorial debut, KIZNAIVER, was an ambitious project unlike anything studio Trigger had attempted before. Alongside scriptwriter Mari Okada, Kobayashi created a contemporary adolescent drama that wasn’t afraid to tackle some of the touchier issues in Japanese society. Throughout KIZNAIVER, its cast of misfits constantly grapple between wanting to feel the physical and emotional pain of others and questioning whether an artificial connection could create a sense of togetherness. This was the primary dramatic narrative of KIZNAIVER, and while intriguing in and of itself, it was truly Kobayashi’s thoughtful directing and clever use of visual symbolism that elevated the material. KIZNAIVER may have lacked narrative polish around its edges, but it was one of the most visually poignant pieces of commercial anime to come out of the industry in the past couple of years. Here’s hoping that Kobayashi will have more directing roles in the future as his cinematic vision brings a lot to the table for commercial anime as a whole.

​

Sound! Euphonium 2– The first season of Sound! Euphonium had always been a favorite of mine, and as such, the bar was set quite high when I heard a prequel was announced. Despite a rather lackluster first arc, the second half of 2016’s Sound! Euphonium 2 blew me away. The relationship between Kumiko and Asuka, two of the central pillars of Kitauji High’s concert band, embodied both the heart and soul of Sound! Euphonium’s web of emotional connections. It was beautiful to see their close-knit bond - built upon respect, trust, and understanding - unfold as the barriers between senpai and kohai were broken down. It set the stage perfectly for the resolution of Sound! Euphonium’s many other narratives: Kumiko and her older sister’s mending of their sibling conflict, Reina’s emotional maturing, and Taki’s finding peace within himself over his late wife. With a soulful conclusion to an already fantastic anime by Kyoto Animation, Sound! Euphonium is a series that couldn’t have ended in a more satisfying manner.

​

Mob Psycho 100– Mob Psycho 100 is unequivocally a testament to the creativity and passion of the anime industry’s top animators. Director Yuzuru Tachikawa and animation director Yoshimichi Kameda created an experimental take on ONE’s source manga that showcased the importance of animation for storytelling and expression. While still operating within the confines of a shounen work, Mob Psycho 100 is an anime with a visual and ideological identity that does not confirm to the sterile and idealistic standard of perfectionism that is seen in many contemporary anime. “If everyone is not special, maybe you can be who you want to be.”

​

Love Live! Sunshine!!– Last, but certainly not least, is a pick that you may find a bit strange if you’ve been reading the reasoning behind my other favorite anime of 2016. While I do value artistry in animation and direction, there are times when a fun anime with a cute and charming cast of characters is just as enjoyable to watch. Despite adopting a similar plot structure to the original Love Live! series, Love Live! Sunshine!! knew how to play around with its audience’s expectations, in some cases subverting characterization tropes and outright parodying the original. The girls of Aqours were a low-key bunch of loveable dorks who enthusiastically attempted to emulate the franchise’s previous group of idols (often times with hilarious or unfortunate results). Aqours’ playful banter and goofy antics quickly made me invested in their underdog soul search for stardom, while the intimate relationship between Chika and Riko brought a smile to my face. With the collective energy and excitement it brought to my life while watching, Love Live! Sunshine!! was one of my most pleasant surprises of 2016. Also, Dia is best girl.

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And that's a wrap for Part One of our three-part series! Be sure to tune in at the same time tomorrow for PART TWO: VIDEO GAMES! And if you're still in the mood for past CR Favorites, check out the previous years' features here:

  Crunchyroll Favorites 2015 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2014 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2013 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2012 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll News' Best of 2011 Part One Part Two

  What were your favorite anime and manga of 2016? Remember, this is a FAVORITES list, not a BEST OF list, so there's no wrong answers--sound off in the comments and share your favorites with us!

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Nate Ming is the Features and Reviews Editor for Crunchyroll News, creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column, and the Customer Support Lead for Crunchyroll. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[stardustandheart]

COMING HOME

“you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”

why do we so often take for granted the very things that deserve our gratitude the most? why do we do this not just with possessions, but people too?

this, is my beautiful, precious family. just look at them. they are…my entire universe. i love them so much that i really can’t put it into words.

when i decided to take a job as a flight attendant back in february of this year, i never, ever realized how much i would actually miss them, and how homesick i would get. i remember when i was doing all of my interviews for a lot of airlines, one of the popular questions was, “what are some challenges you think you might face as a flight attendant and how will you overcome them?” one of my answers was being homesick at times. key words: AT TIMES. i would say in my response that because this job requires relocation, being away from home a lot, and missing out on holidays, homesickness would definitely be a challenge.

looking back…wow. i literally did not have any idea whatsoever what i was talking about. there i was, sitting up nice and straight with a big old grin on my face, thinking to myself, “pshh…yeah, homesickness is real, but come on, this is my DREAM JOB, I am NOT gonna be that homesick.” oh…honey. oh jami. wake up sis.

for the last four months, i have been homesick out of my mind.

and…it has totally sucked.

not just homesick, but absolutely nostalgic about my home. just missing the actual PLACE and aura of the combination of the place i love, with the people i love, with the memories i love. and today, i have come to an important conclusion, despite all of the voices around me that have told me otherwise.

the conclusion is that i just don’t want to do this anymore. i don’t want to be far away, separated from my family anymore. they need me, and i need them. let me tell you more about why i have come to this decision.

living on my own (literally) has taught me…a lot. to say the least. but, one of the most powerful things it has taught me so far is self-awareness and self-process. often being all alone in an apartment has given me the beautiful gift of silence; silence to truly listen to my thoughts without any interruption. this silence can be both a blessing and a curse, but in my case, it has been a blessing.

as i am getting older, i am realizing one thing more and more each day. it’s just like this constant thing in my head that just never shuts up. i see it in so many signs around me every day, as if the universe just won’t let me forget it. it needs me to know, to realize, and to act accordingly.

as i get older, i am realizing how important family truly is. you don’t even know.

family is…absolutely everything.

when you feel like nobody else in the world understands you or wants to be there for you, family. they always have your back. no matter what. while people come and go in this life, your family, the people who have been there by your side from the start, who share your blood, they — my friends, will never leave you. as long as you are living and breathing, even though hurt has occurred in the past, in the very moment of your last breath, family will show up. there are just no exceptions. family always shows up.

and as i am getting older, i am also realizing something else. more and more every single day.

that…this life, is so…short. it’s unbelievable terrifying. i can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it and tell you how in awe i am of this lifetime here on earth and how much it is something that we dare not take for granted.

i’ve been realizing, every second of every day, that i can’t take this for granted anymore, like i have been before i moved away from home. these people in this photo are my rock, they are all i’ve got. shame on me to take that for granted and to not make a harder effort to be with them. we don’t have much more time left on this earth. this life is meant to spend time with the people you love. sure, life may separate many of us and take us down different and tailored paths, and while i realize that not everybody considers family to be this important, as important as i am saying, it would be going against my destiny to not speak my mind and heart on this. to be a voice.

maybe you are in a weird spot when it comes to the idea of family. perhaps your family has been broken, or there has been a lot of damage done that you feel like you don’t really have anybody in your family to feel safe with. and, my darling, that breaks my heart if it is you. i hate that it is this way for you. but this i will tell you: if your family is broken, never lose hope that it can be repaired someday. what is broken can always be fixed if you are willing to go through the work.

but if this is you, if this is actually you right now…feeling like you don’t really have family to lean on, then oh my heart…this is huge, this is so powerful, this is beyond life itself. let this be a call, a tug on your heart…let this move you so deeply that you want to do something about it. don’t sit and think that it’ll all get better so soon. you have to do something about it. YOU are your OWN voice…and nobody, absolutely nobody can take that away from you. guard it, treasure it…love it more than anything you have ever loved.

realize…just realize…how short this life is. it is not fair. but, we have to make the most of it. and family? they are the center, the core…the mover of it all. without family, you are not who you are in this exact moment. because, we all have roots…those roots are all interwoven and keeping us all connected. it is the ultimate miracle of life.

and yes, if you are asking yourself why i haven’t made any friends, or perhaps you’re thinking that i am “still adjusting,” don’t waste your breath. as i said before my friends, i have given my heart endless amounts of patience, chances, and examinations of conscience. i am…complete. utterly. i know me.

perhaps one of the greatest lessons i have learned about myself as a human being thus far is that maybe i am more of what you would consider a “loner.”

people reading this who know me would gasp at that thought. me…being the energetic, happy, and sociable person i am, well there is just no way i could even possibly be a loner.

but friends…this is my ultimate epiphany:

deep down, i know exactly what i want, exactly what i need, and i do not need to conform to the ways of society in order to obtain these things. i truly have tried and tried to be sociable, and to meet people, and it’s not that i am giving up, and i am just not social enough (for goodness’ sake, i’m a FA)…but truthfully, lately it has felt like the more people i meet, the more pulled i feel to my family’s love and care, over any kind of friendship. it’s a longing that i feel. a deep longing, to just, come home. not literally, live with them even (that would be okay too though), but to just be there always. within minutes away. who will be there for my parents when they reach their old age? every day i think about losing my parents, or not seeing my little sisters grow up…i don’t want to miss out. on anything. they are my everything, and being away is just not good enough. so…i’ve learned, and i have finally accepted. that, all i truly need, is my “me” time (time to enjoy myself), my family, and just a few good friends. this…is who i am. at the core. of course, i always offer my love and friendship to anyone in need, but me — really, me…is someone who is perfectly and 200% satisfied with herself, her family, and a few close friends.

simplicity…

recognize.

realize

Breathe in.

accept.

…and, breathe out.

today i have breathed out my new philosophy: family is the lifeblood of joy, inner peace, and unconditional love. it is where life and love begin, and where love never, ever ends.

today, and for every day from here on out, i encourage you to love your families. do anything, anything you possibly can to show them you love them and to let them know that you would go to the ends of the earth for them. they’re a gift more valuable than the purest gold — they are priceless.

take care, and as always…you are unforgettable.

XOXO- jami