#but yeah my archers kill literally everything lol

[snowlilys-wife]

LOL, if you wanna hear Wyvern mounted classes are stupidly overpowered in nearly every Fire Emblem game ever made!

The older games only "balanced" the class by not giving you access to a couple later the game.

Armored Knights and Archers tend to be underpowered, the former particularly in recent games!

Ohh gotcha! Yeah, from what I can tell, wyvern riders always seem to be super OP, which is good when you want a tank that kills everything pretty easily. But if it’s a character I don’t really care about, I end up not using them nearly as much, unless I’m just trying to get their supports. I think the only wyvern rider I actually like and use regularly is Gerome tbh.

Also I do agree about knights and other armored units being super underpowered too, but all my archers are pretty strong tbh. I rely on them a lot lolol

[thefourthwifeoftengenuzui]

May I please ask for headcanons Aoba Johsai with a manager whose skilled with archery and sharpshooting please

Yes of course! Sorry for the wait I was working on a Rindou piece and my physics exam. It’s like 3Am right now, but I still want to finish this for you boo. Thanks again For requesting Anon, if you like this, don’t forget to like and ask if you have any other ideas. Also, you didn’t specify which you wanted, so this can be interpreted as romantic or platonic. Status: unedited

warnings: crackfic, bad grammar, cursing, violence, oikawa exists, oikawa slander, color coded characters, reader is a whole ass menace, mentions of vaping

🩵🤍Aoba Josai With a Sharpshooter/ Archer Manager🤍🩵

As a Team (platonic)

Oikawa, Iwazumi, Kunimi, Kiyotani, Kindaichi, Matsukawa, you

My first thought when I looked at this post was simple. How many times and we hit oikawa in the head. Everything else kinda spiraled from there. Just imagine being able to do that shit with pinpoint accuracy, and when he turns around to see who did it, be like the gremlin chick from hotel transilivania and be like ,” I didn’t do that”. And then he proceeds to blame Iwa, and pure unrefined chaos erupts from there. *clears throat and sips matcha* good shit

But on a more serious note, these boys are completely ready to take full advantage of your skills. Remember when oikawa sprained his ankle? Guess who had to replicate his serves instead so they could practice receives. That’s right, you. And your aim is a little too good sometimes (Kindiachi has been hit in the face) but they honestly don’t care, they just looking to get practice in, and maybe a few tips here and there for aiming.

But that’s just during their practice. During your archery or other practice. Oh my god. Imagine having like 12 annoying older brothers. Like both Archery and Sharpshooting are pretty quiet sports. But with these mfs at your practice? Oh dear lord. These gon be the most obnoxiously loud humans to walk the planet (3rd only to Fukurodani and Kurasuno). Imagine with me. It’s so silent you can hear a pin drop. You’re trying to concentrate before you’re pulling back your string. You take a deep breath and just as you’re about to let go- “WOOOOOOOO THATS MY LIL SISSSSSS/BROOOO!!!” “SHUT UP SHITTY KAWA!THEY NEED TO FOCAS!” “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IWA!?” “YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH AN DUMBASS!” “IF YALL DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP ILL SHUT YOU UP MYSELF” yeah they’re THAT kind of sports parents. They got kicked out last time :)

I just know yall have made oikawa put an apple on his head and see if you can hit his head. Ofc you can, but it’s funnier hitting him with the Velcro arrows and watching him rip his hair out, and ruining it for the day (his fangirls hated you for that lol.)

I just KNOW that the other teams got some crazy ass conspiracies about you. They call you the Seijo Assassin, and that you kill the best players of the opposing team, and they never find the bodies. And tbh it was probably oikawa who started it, to get back at you for getting Velcro stuck in his hair. So while you’re just as hot as kiyoko, everyone is terrified of you, and are only referring to you as L/n-sama (even though you’re only a second year.). I swear to fuck hinata pissed himself when tsukki told the team about you.

also yall know the sharpshooter shaving cream balloon prank thingy? I know damn well the whole team is having a competition for who can do it best. Like it’s literally so funny, especially when someone not on the team gets hit. Like I know oikawa has accidentally hit the coach with one of those. Do with this information what you will.

Individuals: Could be romantic or platonic, either way fits (though both are seriously on crack.)

Somehow or someway, Oikawa will convince you to be his bodyguard. And not even like paying you money. Just like a, “ YoU wOnT wALk yOuR pOor dEfEnSLeSS FRiEnD tO cLAss? WhAt iF my FAnGirlS Kidnap MeEEEEE?!” “yep.” “Do you even Love Meeeeeee!?” “Nope.” “…I’ll pay you~” “pay me what?” “Food~” “DONE!” *throws chair out window* yeah y’all’s relationship is pretty much just blitz and stolas in the loo loo land episode. Like when Stolas was just walking while Blitz is pretending to be Batman, lurking in the shadows and pointing a gun at anything with a pulse? Yeah that’s you two walking around the school, except with a nerf gun instead.

oh and you know the team jackets? He bought you yours. But not just any jacket oh no. Yours is special. He payed extra to have it say, “The Seijo Assasin; Oikawa’s bobyguard.” He also might have gotten it in 4xl because he doesn’t know your size, but still wants it to be way to big on you so he can make fun of you. He’s an ass.

Iwazumi is much nicer on the other hand. He (regardless of if it’s platonic or romantic,) is all about helping you carry your stuff. He doesn’t even ask either, he just kinda picks it up and does it. He says it isn’t a big deal, and that you’re carrying enough with your archery equipment anyway, and that he needs the weight training anyway. Def the kinda guy to use your backpack as a dumbbell and use it to lift while y’all in the hall.

I know y'all have a running competition on who can hit oikawa in the head the most. Body shots are one point, head shots are worth 2, and the groin is worth 3, especially if he’s being creepy to someone. The score is currently 34-31, slightly in your favor. Whoever hits him the least by the end of the month has to buy the winner ramen. Oikawa doesn’t approve of this game, and ends up attempting to bump everything back your way. But on the bright side, it’s a good way to scare off his fangirls :).

Kunimi just kinda vibes with you. Like he doesn’t really acknowledge much of what you do, just kinda goes like, “ oh so that’s why you were so good at that. I just thought you hated oikawa. Anyway can I have your Chez-its?” Yeah my boy don’t care enough, but he cute so yeah.

also I just know this mf, plays Fortnite and vapes blue raspberry burst. Do with that what you will. ( to be clear, I wouldn’t ever vape, i just know he does, and honestly had to look up what flavors there are.

The honesty biggest thing you do that impresses him is the whole good aim card slicey thingy. Idk man, he just seems like he would be good at that, and would try to fight you on it.

Despite everything, Kyotani is actually relatively nice to you? Or at least as nice as he can be. His version of nice is avoiding you like the plague, cause he’s scared you’ll be scared of him. He actually really likes you and wants an excuse to talk to you. So what does he do? Asks you to help him aim while spiking, so that he can use his strength more efficiently. He actually is pretty patient with your teaching, and genuinely respects you enough to take your advice. ( tell him to shower pls, I can smell him through the screen, luv him though)

He also uses a whole bottle of axe body spray every time he walks out of the house . Be careful not to get too close to him. Please find someone strong, or stupid enough to bully him out of it, for the sake of the teams lungs🙏

Kindaichi is probably the only person on the team who still calls you Y/n- senpai. He’s way too precious. That being said, he still did give you a twenty if you hit kageyama with a vollyball during warmups. He may be nice, but he mad petty. And $20 is $20 man

Matsukawa is definitely a COD type of guy. He knows a lot about guns. Bond over that (then give me his number pls)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, sorry the last part was rushed, I am just not feeling it rn. If y’all liked this make sure to follow, Like, and request something of your own. I literally have nothing else to do. Love y’all sm, peace

-joden

[discotreque]

LwD 1.10, “No Small Parts”

Well, that was the most fun I've had watching Star Trek in literally a quarter of a century.

I had high hopes for this series. I love TAS, largely because of its wacky outsized concepts that could only have worked in animation—not that they all did work, but the potential was so apparent to me, even as a kid reading the Alan Dean Foster novelizations—and as an adult, there's something about the imagination of Lower Decks's FX setpieces that transcends even the glorious CGI bonanzas of Discovery.

Pause for a confession. I've long pushed back against criticism of serialization in new Trek. That's just how TV is now, okay? Might as well complain about it being in widescreen. But I'm backing down a little, because I've realized there is something about Star Trek that's inextricable from at least a partially-episodic format. And while Picard was telling a different kind of story, I can't deny that my favourite episodes of Disco have been the ones with a mostly self-contained A-plot. After 10 delightfully episodic instalments of LwD, its focus on long-term development of characters instead of a season-spanning puzzle-plot (okay, mostly just Mariner, but we only have 10 × 22 minutes and she is the star) has been downright refreshing.

So here we are, at the end of the most consistent and well-executed Season 1 of a Star Trek series since, arguably, Those Old Scientists. And sure, if they'd had to produce another... yikes, 42 episodes? Then sure, they probably would have dropped a clunker or two—but they didn't, and winning on a technicality is still winning. I'm practically vibrating with excitement for Disco to come back next week, but damn, I'm going to miss this little show while it's on hiatus.

Spoilers below:

Something I've been keeping track of finally paid off this week! (Which never happens to me, lol.) The destruction of the USS Solvang marked the first present-day death(s) of any Starfleet officer on Lower Decks, the only other on-screen killing at all being a flashback in "Cupid's Errant Arrow". Which makes sense, being (a) a comedy, and (b) about typically "expendable" characters: it hasn't been afraid to flirt with a little darkness here and there, but killing people off at Star Trek's usual pace wouldn't just be wrong for the tone, it would be downright bizarre.

But... people die on Star Trek. That's one of the core themes of the show, really: space is full of knowledge and beauty, but also danger and terror, and believing that the former is worth the risk of the latter is (according to Trek) one of humanity's most noble traits. I'm the least bloodthirsty TV watcher I know, but the longer we went with a body count of nil—ships completely evacuated before they were destroyed, main characters hilariously maimed without permanent consequences, etc.—well, I didn't mind per se, but the absence of truly deadly stakes was definitely getting conspicuous.

Turns out they were saving it up for maximum impact. And holy fuck, I've never felt such a pit in my stomach watching a ship get destroyed that wasn't named Enterprise. It felt grim and brutal and somehow both much too quick and dreadfully inevitable—and yeah, it looked extremely fucking cool—and I'd like every other Star Trek property for the rest of time to take notes under a large bold heading labeled RESTRAINT.

Comedy doesn't need to do this, but my favourite comedy does, and in a way that few other art forms can even approach: lower my emotional defences by making me laugh, endear character(s) to me with goofy-but-relatable antics—then BAM, sucker-punch me in the motherfucking feels. M*A*S*H is probably the classic example on TV, Futurama was notorious for it, and even Archer has pulled it off a few times; it's also a staple of some of my favourite standup. I wasn't sure if Lower Decks was going to go there in Season 1—and wasn't sure if they'd earn it—but I knew if they did, that they'd nail it, and damn. Feels good to be right.

Last batch of notes for the season!!! I rambled enough already, so let's do it liveblog-style:

I fucking KNEW they were going to use "archive" visuals from TAS at some point, I KNEW IT :D

"THOSE OLD SCIENTISTS" ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I like chill and confident Boimler a lot? You can really see—

oh bRADWARD NOOOOO

That opening shot of the Solvang tracking down to the red giant was extremely Discovery-esque... minus the motion sickness, that is

A lady captain AND a lady first officer? That's—oh hey, it's Captain Dayton's brand-new ship. Hahaha, that means they're totally fucked, right?.

Yep! They sure a—umm, wh—shit, okay, but—oh no—no, you can't—wait DON'T

...fuck

FUCK.

Narrator: "And then Amy needed a five-hour break."

[live-action Star Trek showrunner voice] "Gee, Mike! Why does CBS let you have two cold opens?"

Okay, yes, the bit with Rutherford cycling through all the different attitudes in his implant was transparently an excuse for Eugene Cardero to vamp while waiting for something to do in the story, but as far as I'm concerned they can contrive a reason for him to do a bunch of different silly Rutherfords in a row any time they damn well want, because that was classic!!!

EXOCOMP EXOCOMP EXOCOMP EXOCOMP

AND THE EXOCOMP IS PAINTED LIKE THE EXOCOMP IS WEARING A LITTLE EXOCOMP-SIZED STARFLEET UNIFORM

EXOCOMP!!!!!

The slow burn and now the payoff of the Mariner-is-Freeman's-secret-daughter plot has been executed so well. I'm beyond impressed with this writer's room, y'all—they are threading a hell of a needle here

"Wolf 359 was an inside job" would have been a spit-take if I'd had anything in my mouth

...how many memos do you think Starfleet Command has had to issue asking people to stop calling the USS Sacramento "the Sac"?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'VE DECORATED THE SHUTTLECRAFT SEQUOIA THOUGH

Is, uh, is it weird if I'm starting to ship Tendi and Peanut Hamper a little? It is weird, isn't it. I knew it was weird...

Coital barbs??? I take back everything I said about wanting to know more about Shaxs/T'Ana.

The "good officer" version of Mariner is... kind of hot, tbh! But Tawny Newsome has done such a great job of building this character all season that her voice getting uncharacteristically clipped and martial and "sir! yes, sir!" is also deeply, deeply weird

Ah, so this is literally exactly like when TNG (and DS9) would bring in, and then blow up, a never-before-seen Galaxy-class ship, just to underscore that we're facing a real threat this week, baby. And hey, it fucking worked—my heart was in my throat, omg, for the reveal of the—

PAKLEDS?????????

The fucking PAKLEDS have been gluing weapons to their ships for the last 15 years. GREAT.

(We interrupt the SHIP BEING SLICED INTO SCRAP for an interesting bit of world-building: on Earth, the traditional First Contact Day meal is salmon!)

"I need a dangerous, half-baked solution that breaks Starfleet codes and totally pisses me off! That's an order." I'm starting to think Captain Freeman might actually be overqualified for the Cerritos, y'all—she's REALLY awesome

OH SHIT IT'S BADGEY, this is a TERRIBLE IDEA

"How much contraband have you hidden on my ship?" "I don't know! A lot!"

Awwww, Boims!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, FUCK THIS, PEANUT HAMPER OUT

BADGEY NOOOOO

AUGHHHHH WHAT THE CHRIST DID HE JUST—BUT—RUTHERFORD'S IMPLANT????

RUTHERFORD!!!!!!!!!!

SHAXS!!!!!!

F U C K ! ! ! ! !

ahaIOPugdfhagntpgjrq90e5mgu90qe5;oigoqgw4ouegrw5SP;IAEHURVa IT’S THE TITAN???????????

IT'S CAPTAIN WILLIAM T. RIKER ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TITAN??????????

i'm screaming I'M SCREAMINGGGGGG​TGGGTGQER;​LBHAOIBVNV;​OAPBIJNVagr;h;​oagruipuwtnaetbaetgq35ghqet

I'M SO GLAD THIS WASN'T SPOILED FOR ME WTF

I AM WEEPING LIKE A CHILD

...

(Just a brief 20-minute pause this time)

And oh wow, seeing Will and Deanna hits different after Picard too, in a few different ways, which I may even get into later now that my heartrate is back to normal, lmao

Oh, I am always here for some jokes at the expense of the Sovereign class. The Enterprise-E sucked. They should have built a new bigger model of the D and new Galaxy-class interiors for the TNG movies, and I will die on that hill

OKAY, FINE, YOU GOT ME, RUTHERFORD × TENDI WOULD BE ADORABLE AND THIS IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD SETUP FOR IT

Awwww, Shaxs though :( Congrats on the single most badass death in Star Trek history, dude. The Prophets would—well, the actual Prophets would probably be slightly confused about most of it, but Kira Nerys would be proud of you and I feel like that probably counts for more. RIP, Papa Bear

I am here all damn DAY for the Mariner–Riker parallels, ahahahahaha

Pausing it to record my prediction that Boimler's commitment to not caring about rank anymore is going to last 3... 2...

Yep.

Bradward, how DARE YOU.

"Those guys had a long road, getting from there to here." OH FOR THE LOVE OF—

What a brilliant way to resolve and renew the various character arcs and relationships moving into Season 2! The writers could easily have brought everything back to status quo—chaotic Mariner fighting with her mom and being a bad influence on Boimler, etc.—and done another 10 just like these, but I suspect that wouldn't have been ambitious enough for these writers. What a blast. I cannot wait for more.

Thanks for following along, friends! Stay tuned for my (similarly patchy and amateur) coverage of Discovery, starting next week!

[scientifically-strange]

drabble request, avengers mess up time and clockwork apprentice danny has to save them, cue dorky yet so over everything danny cleaning up their mess lol please!

“Tony, what did you do?” Steve asked, as he looked around in amazement. They were no longer in New York. In fact, they weren’t even in the States. Steve knew this, because he spent months in these particular woods. Except those months were back during the war.

“My teleporter malfunctioned, just a small little thing. I can fix it.”

“Oh come on!”

“Steve, I’m doing the best I can here-”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But it sounded just like you.”

“Has time travel been invented yet?” Clint asked as he started to climb a tree. 

“Time travel is impossible, as far as I’m aware,” Tony answered. 

“I’m inclined to believe Barton on this one,” Steve said, looking around. About thirty feet away was a camp site, where his old self, Bucky, and the rest of the commandos were playing poker by the fire. 

Steve remembered this. It was cold and arid, and they were preparing for the mission the next day. One that Steve wished he never had gone on, because if he hadn’t, Bucky would still be alive. 

“You know what that means, Rogers,” Dugan laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll make it after the mission. I can't believe you guys talked me into getting matching tattoos.”

“Whatever, pal,” Bucky said, bumping their shoulders together. “You’ve always wanted one, I can tell.”

Despite the bags under his eyes and the weight loss from rations, he still seemed happy, youthful, and when he smiled at Steve it lit up the whole forest.

“You have a tattoo?” Stark asked him, eyebrows raised. Steve shook his head. 

“Never got the chance to make the design.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is the day before the mission on the train.”

Steve and Tony whirled around, and Clint pulled back an arrow, aimed at the stranger;s chest. 

He was pretty weird looking. He was small, like a child, with white hair and green eyes. He wore a purple cloak, and had a staff with a clock at the top. He was beaming at them. 

“I am such big fans, you guys,” he said. “You guys are so cool!”

“Quiet,” Steve hissed, looking over his shoulder at the camp. They had stopped talking. Steve remembered the tension in that moment, waiting for something to jump out at them, or shoot them. But ultimately they had gone back to their game, now on edge. Steve had no idea it would have been him who set him on edge. 

“Sorry,” the kid said, looking pretty sincere about the whole thing. “Anyway, my name is Phantom, and I’m here to get you back to your own time.”

Without waiting for any kind of response, he slammed his staff on the ground, and all four of them were engulfed by a green smoke. When they opened their eyes again, they were back in the states, except the roads were dirt and and there were only horse drawn carriages. 

“Uh, I think you went the wrong way, kid,” Clint said. They had to hid somewhere, and quickly, because they doubted the public would react so well to a guy in armor, a bright, spangled man, and an archer with a literal glowing child. But before they could even say anything, Phantom slammed his staff on the ground again. 

This time, they ended up surrounded by dinosaurs. Steve narrowly missed getting eaten by an allosaurus. Luckily Clint, Tony, and Phantom were there to help him. 

“Okay kid,” he said with a sigh. “What the fuck?”

“Sorry, I’m still getting used to everything. I’m new at this,” he answered. It was obvious he was nervous, as he kept scratching the back of his neck nervously. Steve put a hand on his shoulder, thankful that it didn’t have any dino blood on it. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe. Take it slow and steady.”

Phantom looked up at him, his eyes full of admiration, then determination. He nodded and took a deep breath. 

“Are you guys okay with the long way?” He asked them.

“Dude, I’m good with anyway as long as it gets us back home,” Clint answered. 

Danny smiled at him, before holding out his palm. Green shot from it, stopping a short distance away. The spot it stopped grew bigger and bigger until it could fit a person through it. 

“Follow me, unless you want to stick around with them,” Phantom said, pointing his thumb over to a pack of velociraptors. Clint wasted no time in jumping through. Then it was Steve, then Tony, and then Phantom.

The world they walked into was absolutely amazing. Otherworldly. It was like a dream, with long, swirling green skies and purple earth beneath them. Floating doors traveled aimlessly around, but never knocked into each other. Off in the distance was a large tower, with large working gears surrounding it. 

“Where are we?” Tony asked. 

“This is the Ghost Zone. We’re headed there,” Phantom replied, pointing to the tower. “That’s where Clockwork lives.”

“Clockwork?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah, the Master of Time. I’m his apprentice, as of like three months ago.”

“Which is how you were able make us all time ravel,” Tony said, in a way like the last puzzle piece in his brain was placed. 

“Yeah, but it’s harder than it looks,” Danny said, as he casually created a green platform under them. 

“So, this hole place is full of ghosts?” Clint asked, looking around as they floated along. 

“Yeah.”

“Does that mean you’re dead?”

“Yeah.”

“How? If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”

“I mind it, actually. Most ghosts do. For a lot of us, it’s traumatic, and we don’t want to constantly be reminded of it.”

“Understood,” Clint said. 

The rest of the short ride was spent mostly in silence, or Danny pointing out who’s door belonged to who. 

When they stepped into Clockwork’s Tower, the ghost himself was waiting for them. 

“You’re back,” Clockwork said, not looking away from the large screens in front of him, that had different points of time and history playing on them. 

“Yeah, um,” Danny was rubbing the back of his neck, “I messed up a couple of times. I need your help.”

Clockwork turned around, his form turning from a young man to an old one, with a cool wizard beard. 

“Steven, Anthony, Clint,” he greeted. “Welcome. I see you’ve met my apprentice, Daniel.”

“Daniel?” Steve asked. “You said your name was Phantom.”

“Last time I checked your birth name isn’t Captain America,” Danny quipped. Tony barked out a laugh and clapped his hand on Phantom’s shoulder. 

“I like you, kid,” he said with a giant grin. 

Clockwork hummed with amusement as he adjusted something on his own, more complex staff before slamming his staff into the ground. Instead of of green smoke however, it was purple that engulfed them. 

They looked around, in their living room at the compound. Natasha and Sam were sitting on the couch, eating popcorn while starring at them. The both looked highly uninterested. 

“About time,” Sam said. 

“Who’s the kid?” Natasha asked. 

Standing next to them was Phantom, except he didn’t have white hair and green eyes anymore. He had black hair and blue eyes, and he was in civilian clothes. He looked around, then down at himself, and sighed. 

“I’m gonna kill that fucking stopwatch,” he cursed. 

“So wait, you’re not dead?” Clint asked. Danny shrugged, before letting two white rings wash over him, turning him back to Phantom. 

“Long story. Superhero team up when you need me. Just hit up Amity Park.”

Without saying anything else, he opened up a green  portal and flew threw it, leaving the others behind. 

There was silence for a few moments before Stark finally broke it. He turned to Steve. 

“You want to go get a tattoo?”

[troofless]

Just finished playing FE6! Here are my thoughts:

wait i don’t get to choose to play hard mode at the start of the game? ok :/

no hard mode bonuses I guess *guess I’ll die*

wtf is this hit rate

WHY IS THE HIT RATE LIKE THIS

why do the enemies have silver lances at early game chapters???? THIS IS NORMAL MODE????

roy isn’t that bad, he’s in a game that has shit hit rate so swords are actually good

i used lugh and wolt unironically but benched them later because movement speed :/

Marcus is pretty good actually (remember back when I thought I had to bench Frederick? good times)

Critger

Clarine cuteee

i am starting to see why everyone likes cavalry units so much, movement in this game is pepega without Shanna and Lance and Alen and Marcus

Using Elen to heal even though she’s capped level 20 cos she’s the first and only other healer in the game for a long shot until you promote another mage (it ends up being Clarine anyway)

Same for Lugh who carried me through early game and Henning (Lilina who)

Armor Knights literally unusable because of their movement im

Shanna had better level up in Strength or else I’ll-

HECTOR DIES???????????

haha armads *flashback to fe heroes hector with his halloween armads*

Clarine can dodge everything in this game and gets her level 20 and capped speed so fast lmao yes she got my first Guiding Ring, Lilina is mid tier since her Staff rank is E lul

this music in this game is pretty good, they should bring back enemy phase music and music when the map is won

haha lmao remember the map where you have to fend off cavalry from below in an open area with a Silver Lance and an arena behind your back? pain

oh god I forgot about the true ending requirements thank god I checked them otherwise I’d be turtling every map to the end of time

haha lmao remember the map where you have to recruit Klein and Thea without killing their green units except they charge towards everything in their path and get killed? pain

why is Thea so bad- *arena abuse*

damn Klein hot but uhhhh his movement sucks so bench

yo sin and sue are actually good, man nomad archers are busted in this game, killer bow and movement and longbow? amazing

wow uhhhh with this hit rate I’m just gonna bench all Axe users to the end of time, sorry Gonzales, I was actually using you for a bit before I decided not to

this is also when I check stats and actually understand high stats from low stats in recruits lol

yo Milady is pretty bad at the start she can’t hit anything I wonder why everyone says she’s good- *arena abuse*

yo Zeiss is pretty bad at the start he can’t hit anything I wonder why- *arena abuse too*

uh yeah I forgot path divergence was a think and chose the Larum route without thinking (even though Elffin is more important to the plot lmao)

WHEN DOES ROY GET HIS PROMOTION

Huh, so you can Steal Lockpicks to get more Lockpicks to save up on keys.... HUH.....

why is Cecilia so bad she gets doubled by everything in the universe

chapter 14 isn’t that bad (forced into normal mode cries) if Sophia gets ferried across via rescue, also Killer Lances

Killer Lances, Javelins, Killing Edge. They can clear the game no problem.

man Perceval is so busted *also resets cos he left to recruit him in the early chapter cos I didn’t know you can recruit him later :/*

fae only gets 30 uses? seriously?

niime pretty good actually, stonks

bootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsbootsboots

what do you mean I can’t recruit Galle, nooooooooooo *doesn’t attack him and kills only Murdock to spare him*

This is also when I start to use Warp, Physic, Rescue, and Bolting to trivialise Zephiel’s map

WHY DOES ROY GET HIS PROMOTION SO LATE IT’S LITERALLy THE END OF THE GAME ALREADY

why is binding blade so busted

why are the legendary weapons so busted

Supports: Clarine/Critger, Lilina/Roy, Cecilia/Perceval, Milady/Zeiss, Hugh/Niime (C only)

wait what do you mean only the troops that went into the final battle get a thorough ending card

aight time to play FE7 I hear Hector (BEST GUY I LOVE HIM ALREADY) punches people in one of his attack animations (it’s Wolf Beil)

[avicebro]

Hello Pollux! Can you explain your OTP tags?

This is something people want? Lol okay:

This includes League of Legends and Fate.

Fate:

otp: be my queen | richard/ayaka

reference to the fact that richard is continuously trying to get ayaka to be his master. since they are master/servant and i like them romantically it turns from “be my master” to “be my queen”. a good otp 10/10 narita when will you ever.

otp: avenger and ruler | edmond dantes/amakusa shirou 

i hope this is obvious. it’s an avenger and a ruler. demonstrates the fact that they’re polar opposites but still good as a ship.

otp: dragon slayers | siegfried/saint george

reference to how they work really well together in defeating wyverns in fate/grand order. may include kojiro if i find some siegfried/kojiro art i like.

otp: thief and executioner | robin hood/charles henri sanson

i like these two, especially in the salem chapter. the ship name is reference to their roles: one is a thief, one is an executioner. i was also thinking of giving them a title like “the new fruk” cause that’s basically what they are lol.

otp: im a self insert | guda/fgo character

any art of a guda and a fate grand order character. mainly avicebron and dantes because that’s who i ship myself with. more characters may join eventually but im very gay.

otp: casters of opposing factions | avicebron/william shakespeare

in apocrypha they’re the casters for the opposing factions. in fate grand order they seem to keep this dislike for each other.

otp: a new isolde | tristan/melt

ok i haven’t seen the full ccc event yet but basically tristan compares melt to isolde so yeah she’s a new isolde for him. i don’t like how fate writes her name (isseult?) so we’re going with this spelling.

otp: i’ll make you tsar | kadoc/anastasia

this is kadoc’s plan in lostbelt, to make her tsar of the lostbelt. that doesn’t really happen though but they’re in love okay?????

otp: hate at first sight | kirei/kiritsugu

i was tempted to call them “beautiful ties” as a pun on their names but decided against it. hate at first sight because that’s what happened. get along you two.

otp: president and princess | rin/issei

their roles at school. proud captain of the rissei ship. i will love this ship by myself if i have to.

otp: like cats and dogs | gilgamesh/cu chulainn

this is because of ip. go through her gilcu tag. i swear you’ll come out a different person. gilcu is a good ship. they’re a cat and a dog.

otp: i hate everything you stand for | hansa/jester

hansa and jester both hate each other because of who they are. jester despises those from the church, hansa hates dead apostles. they’re fun.

otp: l’auteur malfaisant | edmond dantes/dumas

this is just what dantes calls him, “the wicked author” but in french. love these two so fucking much. if you want me to be happy just mention eddumas.

otp: beast like me | caren/angra mainyu

in hollow ataraxia, it’s stated that they are both beasts: caren for being born “out of wedlock” and angra mainyu because he’s all the evils of the world. they are both beasts by birth, and must deal with the sins from being called a beast. also a big otp.

otp: sad a lot | tristan/lancelot

i was originally calling this ship “tristalot” which sounds like “triste a lot” which is french for “sad a lot”.

otp: up until this moment my wish was being granted | medea/souichirou

OTP TO RULE ALL OTPS. god i love these two. it’s a reference to what medea says in UBW when she dies. man i love these two so much.

otp: the jewel resting near my heart | rin/shirou

reference to the pendent rin gives shirou. may include rin/archer i’m not sure yet.

otp: let’s destroy the world! | kirei/gilgamesh

wow this is late on the list lol. the ship name is what they wanna do. kirei route when nasu.

otp: on the defense | hector/alter cu chulainn

both of them are known for being defensive characters, both in playstyle and in personality. they’re old, tired men let them nap.

otp: i may not always be by your side | issei/shirou

this is a line issei tells shirou in prillya. love these guys a lot. especially with rin.

otp: sword and sheath | saber/shirou

that’s what they are. saber is the sword and shirou is the sheath. no sexual jokes please. like them romantically and as friends.

otp: my wish is for her to live | medusa/sakura

purple girlfriends. love them. love heaven’s feel. reference to a line medusa tells shirou.

otp: my superman | sakura/shirou

OTP TO RULE ALL OTPS. the best ship in stay night with kuzucaster. i love heaven’s feel so much. they were what got me into drawing. i love them so much. reference to the superman scene in HF.

otp: two too pretty boys | diarmuid/gilgamesh

this is 100% because they are attractive guys. that is it. the ship name shows this.

otp: you cursed me | emiya alter/kiara

don’t @ me i like these two. emiya alter an alter because of kiara, hence the ship name.

otp: you were literally made for me | gilgamesh/enkidu

I DON’T HATE THIS SHIP WHY WOULD I TAG AND REBLOG IT SO MUCH IF I HATED THIS SHIP? I simply stated that I am tired of seeing it so much in the f/sf tags. I do like these two shhh. name is a reference to the fact that kidu was made for gil.

otp: lance to the heart and you’re to blame | kirei/cu chulainn

hello i love kotoyari. reference to the UBW ending. feb 14 isn’t valentines day it’s kotoyari day.

otp: your dream is mine | kiritsugu/irisviel

i can’t talk about this ship without crying just know i love them. iri wishes for his dream to come true.

otp: i wanted a saber anyways | rin/saber

just gals being pals you know . and originally rin wanted a saber.

otp: the woman was a saint | kirei/claudia

im not crying you’re crying. a line in the VN.

otp: you remind me of someone | paracelsus/phantom

no this isn’t just because they’re pretty boys lol. like the idea of them being good friends who help each other when the other goes berserk. 

otp: dancing with the devil | mephistopheles/paracelsus

there’s a lot of cool/interesting ship art between these two that’s really cool and i love. love the idea of them adopting jack. 

otp: fist of the north star to the heart | saint martha/sasaki kojiro

just wait until the summer event. love how koji has joined the dragon slayer’s group. hope he enjoys his new friends. you have to fight her at one point for koji’s development. it’s a joke about how her np is a fist of the north star joke.

otp: calm desert nights | nitocris/scheherazade 

reference to lalalack’s ‘desert beauty’ piece. they spend those nights in the desert exchanging stories, calming each other down. 

otp: how about we put it to the test? | li shuwen/beowulf

what beowulf says to li shuwen before they start their fight. they like to beat each other up and it’s great. 

otp: beat up a pretty face | beowulf/fionn mac cumhaill

who has the pretty face is up to you. reference to how fionn looks ephemeral in the beofionn art.

otp: a king and his knight | diarmuid/fionn

it’s their roles. yeah i know fionn “killed” him it’s fun. 

my chivalrous knight | diarmuid/saber

who is the knight and who is chivalrous? up to you!

otp: blue knights | cu chulainn/saber

only two people ship this there’s only two posts i wanna die

a queen and her knight | saber/irisviel

based on when saber acts as her knight (aka all of fate/zero) in f/z. doesn’t have otp cause i’m lazy. 

ot3: church trio | gilgamesh/kirei/cu chulainn

they live in the church lol.

ot3: we could have had it alllllll | sieg/jeanne d’arc/astolfo

based on the fact that apocrypha could have easily juggled the three of these into an ot3 but nope.

ot3: my two friends | gilgamesh/enkidu/kirei

there is only 1 piece of fanart in this tag but it’s a very good piece of fanart

ot3: this could have worked really well tbqh | kirei/gilgamesh/tokiomi

team archer could have been good if kirei didn’t get his dick sucked by gilgamesh.

ot3: princess president and prince | rin/issei/shirou

their roles - i think shirou should be a prince. i just really love rissei and shissei so why not combine them into an ot3 y/y?

group tag: aesthetic of death | gilles de rais, uryuu ryuunosuke, jeanne alter, prelati

i love these guys a lot okay? a lot of gilles/ryu because canon otp. was supposed to be art of death because of ryuunosuke's CE but it was mistranslated and i'm too lazy to change it!

group tag: equipe francaise | d’eon, marie, mozart, sanson 

they are cute but this tag is pushed by my thirst for mozart. the tag means “french team” which is basically what they are right?

brotp: my retainer | waver velvet/alexander the great

im sorry i can’t ship this romantically but they are cute together!

brotp: troy's defense | penthesilea, hektor

these two are good bros who break pots together and will rip achilles' open

League of Legends:

otp: spin to win | katarina/garen

this is about gameplay. garen is known for his e, which is a spin. the joke “spin to win” comes from that ability. since katarina also has a spin, spin to win works for these two.

otp: drasona | draven/sona

it’s just their ship name lol.

otp: takes two to tango | evelynn/twisted fate

reference to the twisted fate and evelynn shared tango skins. such a good ship. i love them and twisted fate/graves. league of legends please do something with these two i stg.

otp: partners in crime | twisted fate/graves

man this is the best lol ship man i wish lol would do anything with this ship that would be great i love my gay men. and they’re working together again! nice!

otp: the sun shines for you | leona/pantheon

i don’t know what lol is doing with these two if if they’re actually gonna be together and i love diana/leona too but i’ve always had a soft spot for these two. also? a great bot lane if you can stomp early. 

otp: it’s called art | jinx/jhin

to be honest i just think these two would be hilarious. let them just do whatever they want in piltover. 

otp: collecting souls | thresh/kalista

aesthetic and also a great botlane. i just love kalista tbh. ghost wife. 

otp: trying to keep the balance | shen/zed

wow the first otp for league of legends. good shit guys hope you guys get more content soon. 

If a ship you know I like is not on this list it’s probably just tagged as the ship name! I’m probably going to go through and create tags for each ship like these as I think of them. If you have suggestions for ship names let me know! 

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s05e22 “The Internet Is Forever” review - or more aptly named, one heck of a long review because this episode was perfect. I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS!

Episode 22 – The Internet is Forever

Hey guys! Whew, what a week, and it only started yesterday. Yes, I work Sundays, because I live in Israel, where our ‘holy day’ is Friday, but I work in Nespresso customer service so I work once every two weeks on Fridays too, so I guess I got the short straw until I own my mega super empire of translation.

Whatever.

That was a little rant.

Anyway, let’s see what happens.

Okay, this is seriously one hell of a creepy intro into the show. What the fuck is this thing?

What the …

Why do they always have to murder people in their sleep? It’s creepy.

So three missing women in Boise, Idaho in one year two months apart? Yikes. That sounds nuts.

“Well, hello.”

Bed-head poodle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, the fascinated look on Rossi’s face!

I can’t take this show’s fascination with Reid’s hair. I love it!

“What, did you join a boy band?”

“No.”

I love it how he takes it so seriously!

Derek, you little shit.

“Okay, so what are we looking at here? Late twenties, early thirties.”

“All single, though two are in a committed relationships. All living on their own.”

Huh? That doesn’t make sense.

How are they single if they are in committed relationships?

“Looks like normal suburban houses. Gives the unsub privacy.”

“The differences are more striking than the similarities. Different hair colors, different body shapes.”

Smart poodle, I love you.

“What do you know about his MO?”

“That’s why we were invited in. The abduction sites are pristine.”

Oh dear.

“And there’s no DNA besides the victims’.”

Shit.

“and the victims aren’t reported missing until two or three days after they’re abducted.”

“Two or three days … women like this don’t just vanish without somebody noticing.”

True.

They were hot.

“Yes. Which is why I asked Garcia to dig into their lives.”

I love you, JJ, for appreciating my honey.

“And when I took a look at their online activity, I could easily see how the unsub is doing it.”

“Social networking sites.”

Fuck.

“Yeah. Facebook, Twitter. You name an online life-sharing time-suck, the victims were on it. And if you look at each of their last posts, they say the same thing … going out of town, going on a business trip, going on a vacation.”

Oh dear.

“But when you look at the time and date stamp of each of these,”

“Cue the Twilight Zone music,”

“Because they were all posted the morning after each of them went missing.”

Boom. My baby girl has them on her rope.

“The unsub posted them.”

Duh.

“Social networks are an easy way for an unsub to target his victims.”

Yeah, no kidding.

Oh, and I promise – I’m not an unsub ;)

“These women were especially open. They posted everything from what they were having for dinner to where they were going on dates.”

Yeesh.

“So this unsub friends his victims and then uses that as a cover once he takes them.”

Oh god.

“That means he can hack into their accounts.”

Yup.

“So he’s excellent with computers.”

“Definitely profiles as patient and organized.”

‘He’s obsessive enough to remove all forensic details, but also patient enough to wait two months before abductions.”

“He can afford to be. He gets three days to do whatever he wants to these women.”

Oh god.

“That means we need to assume these women are already dead.”

Fuck.

“The question is what he does while he has them.”

Oh god.

George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

What the fuck? That was seriously beyond inception, and totally fucked wiht my brain. If anyone can explain to me what Shaw meant, I’ll give them a kiss, like, literally, fly all the way to your home and make out with you.

“So if this unsub is using social networks to find his victims, can’t we use that to find him?”

Aw, my optimistic puppy.

“Yeah, if these women each had a hundred friends following them, then the unsub would pop up on each of their lists, right?”

“Uh, the detective in charge, John Fordham, he looked into their groups. Everyone checked out.”

Guess not.

“Social networking sites are surprisingly insecure.”

“Facebook recently tried to update all their privacy settings, and in doing so, they made everybody’s profiles viewable.”

Whoops. Bad move there, Facebook.

Lol.

“Can somebody explain to me the appeal of these sites?”

Oh my darling Italian grandpa.

“‘Eating sushi tonight. Yum.’”

Oh my god, I love this show.

‘‘Boss is keeping me late at work. Grr.’”

Oh god, I died.

“Whose life is so important that we’d be interested in this kind of detail?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s the running joke, right?”

Huh?

“I mean, nobody is.”

“But we’d all like to believe there’s actually an audience out there that wants to follow our every move.”

Whoa, that was extremely deep, my gorgeous puppy.

“You know, some sites actually have a GPS feature built in. You can tell exactly where someone is every time they post a new comment.”

Yup. We’re seriously living in a dangerous world.

“This is telling us how he’s finding him, but it’s not telling us how he’s getting into their houses.”

“At the very least, I believe that he has copies of their keys. Doris Archer gad a security home system installed, but the disable code was entered at 1:56 AM. So he knew that, too.”

Fudge.

“He also found a way to deal with her dog.”

“A German Shepherd she adopted from the pound last year went missing the night that she did.”

Awwwwww

“All right, so this guy’s gotta be in and out of the house well before the night of the disappearance.”

Well, yeah.

“What about the people who come into your house that you don’t consider a threat?”

Oh boy. That’s one smart Italian honey.

“Okay, Morgan and Prentiss, start with the last abduction sites. See if anything points to his MO.”

“Dave, you, Reid, and JJ go back over the women’s lives. Start with their friends on the social networking sites.”

Oh dear. I hope they find this fucker.

“Did you find anyone willing to talk to us about the victims?”

“The problem wasn’t who to bring in.”

Can I be honest? That guy reminds me of a cartoon ... can’t put my finger on it, but he does.

Whoa. That’s a lot of people.

“The man we’re looking for might have found your daughter through her social networks. Did Paula mention anyone new in her life?”

Nope.

It’s her mom. She doesn’t’ know about Facebook and stuff. No offense to any moms out there, but usually nowaday moms around that age are pretty incompetent with Facebook.

“So I’m assuming she knew who followed her, then?”

“Oh, god no. She had over 1,000 friends.”

Ha.

“Wow. Why so many?”

Oh my honey.

It’s a work strategy.

“So, wait. Even though she told all those people what she was doing, she didn’t know who was following her?”

Welcome to the 21st century – where we share everything with strangers and basically invite creepers to kill us ;)

“Actually, I don’t have email.”

LOL.

“These websites are like email on crack”.

Yup.

“Did Doris ever mention letting someone in her home?”

Nope.

“Bruno ... the dog. So he was a guard dog?”

Oh god. The poor puppy.

So he changed the photographs that told a story? Oh boy.

“Okay, JJ, I got it.”

“You see it?”

“Actually, yeah. Looks like he did try to hang something on the wall.”

Boom. My puppy is on top of things.

“There’s even a little residue left over.”

“Morgan.”

“Let me call you back.”

“Yeah, what do you got?”

“Hey, I got one up here, too.”

“What would he try to hang on that part of the wall?”

“Well, from here, I have an unobstructed view of the second floor and down the stairs.”

“It’s the same thing down here. You can see the entire entrance.”

“Cameras.”

Fuck.

“We think this is what he’s using to spy on his victims.”

Shit.

“They’re small, they’re cheap, and they’re easily hidden behind photos, books, plants.”

“The footage they record can be transmitted anywhere … website of your choice, even your cell phone.”

Fuck.

Meanwhile, my poodle investigates.

“And he can toggle between cameras to see everything that’s happening in the house.”

Oh dear lord.

“And you found five of these at different points in the house?”

“Upstairs, downstairs, bedroom, even the bath.”

Oh god, this dude is sick.

“A ruse gets him in the door, but it doesn’t buy him enough time to put up five of these.”

Nope.

“Once he learns their routine, all he has to do is pick the lock, put up the rest of the cameras, and boom, he got their whole life at his fingertips.”

Fuck.

“What does he do with the video? Maybe he keeps them?”

“If he’s voyeur, yes.”

And there they go again, making Derek say the sexiest things ever in the sickest connotation and it just infuriates me.

“Uh, voyeurs are rarely violent. Their excitement comes from spying without the object knowing they’re being watched.”

“And by abducting his victims, he’s removing the outlet of his sexual release. Reid is right.”

Duh. I mean, why is this even being put in question?

“We need to have Garcia dig the surveillance and illegal video websites.”

“I’m going to take this with us.”

“Why?”

“We originally profiled there wasn’t any facial similarity between the victims, but I’m not so sure that’s true.”

“I want to compare Doris’s picture with the other victims.”

Oh my smart poodle.

“These videos the unsub took, it looks like one of them he posted online, which may help me nab him.”

“If he puts it on the web, can’t you track that back directly to his computer?”

“Normally, yes. Normally, in like seventeen seconds I can get you the network he’s using, get a physical address,”

“And presto change-o, no more bad guy,”

“But this unsub is a creepy computer aficionado.”

Well, fuck.

“Do you guys know what a proxy server is?”

“It’s an internet relay.”

“Precisely. Kids use them to get around blocked sites.”

Fuck.

“Now, usually, one proxy is plenty, but this piece of work is using dozens of proxy servers.”

Shit.

“He’s bounced his signal off China, North Korea, Russia, South Africa …”

“Garcia, can you track him back to Boise?”

“Of course I can, and that’s what I’m doing. Time is the unfortunate ingredient I need, though.”

Fuck.

“This just in. Looks like one of the proxy servers archived what he was streaming on the night of Doris Archer’s disappearance.”

Shit.

“Can we see it?”

“Pulling it up now.”

“Well, Prentiss and Morgan were right. He knows the house.”

“Oh, please don’t hurt that doggie.”

I love you, my angel.

“The camera’s attached to him. It’s his point of view.”

Shit.

“So he can relive it over and over again.”

Double shit.

“Okay, can someone tell me when this is over?”

I love you.

“Please.”

“Not yet.”

Fuck.

“He’s tender to her.”

“She means more to him as a corpse than as a living person.”

Fuck.

“Garcia, we need to find the unsub’s network. Even if it’s a rough area, it’ll help narrow the geographic profile.”

“Yes, sir, that’s totally what I’m trying to figure out. Uh, there is something else kind of huge you need to know about.”

Oh fuck.

“Do you see this line of code there?”

“Yeah, what about them?”

“It allows the user admin, and in this case, the unsub, to set up a chat room.”

Fuck.

“People were watching this on the night of the murder.”

“We thought he was posting these after the act. He’s not.”

“He wants people to experience it with him.”

“He wants an audience.”

Shit.

I’m about to barf.

“He has fans.”

“Tip of the hat to his fans.”

Fuck.

“He knows they’re watching.”

“Classic narcissistic behavior.”

Pah. You know it.

“Hey, guys. Garcia’s got something for us.”

“Go ahead, baby girl.”

“Okay, friends, I have some good news, but first, here is the thing that sucks.”

“I located the network the unsub is using in Boise, and it is the victims’ own wireless.”

“So does he hack in before he starts with the murders.”

“Hacking is obscenely time-consuming.”

“I just make it look easy because I’m a genius.”

“But, he’s not me.”

Oh god, I love this woman.

“So my guess is that he’s got to lurk around their network for at least a couple of days to a week before he kills them.”

“Yeah, he knows when we follow his online paper trail it’ll lead us right back to the murder site.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Hackers are very loyal to their spoofing techniques, and if they think no one’s watching, they’ll use the same roads over and over.”

“Okay, so if he goes through Russia, Chine, and North Korea again …”

“I have flagged those servers, and if he uses them in the same order, I will catch him so fast.”

“That’s only going to help if he commits another murder.”

“Yes, that’s also true.”

Fuck.

“Excuse me.”

“Garcia, if he does stream this again, how much time will you need to find the network?”

“Oh, uh, that’s hard to guess with all the international pinging. I …”

“Ballpark.”

“Seven minutes?”

That’s fast.

“That’s not fast enough. He’s in and out of the house in five.”

Fuck.

“Oh, God. I’m going to have to trim my time down, then.”

I love how she just sets goals for herself, not even questioning her own abilities.

“Garcia, get it done.”

Hey! Not nice!

“JJ, we need to call a press conference.”

Oh god.

“I know what connects the victims.”

What?

“I was staring at pictures of the victims and I knew there was a pattern connecting them, but I couldn’t tell what it was until I broke it down mathematically.”

Oh my genius poodle.

“Why are we so drawn to celebrity faces?”

Says the guy who started out as a model XD

“Because there’s a symmetry to their beauty …”

Oh wow.

I never thought of it like that.

“The more balanced they are, the more appealing they are to our eye.”

“These women aren’t celebrities, though.”

Nope.

“But there are similarities between them, and it wasn’t until I scanned the pictures and got it to the guys at Quantico that I had a full breakdown.”

“All right, strip away eye color, hair color, and skin tone, and what are we left with geometrically?”

“They’re all slightly dystopian.”

Fuck.

“He might not even be aware that he sees it in them.”

“There have been studies that suggest that we pick our spouses subconsciously, based on a facial symmetry that we recognize.”

Damn.

“So consciously or unconsciously, when he recognizes it, he has to destroy it.”

Fuck.

“Maybe … they’re a reflection.”

“Remember what he did at the end of the video? He wiped the tear away.”

Fuck.

“Most of us take the internet for granted. We forget about texts that we share or updates we put on social networks. But the internet never forgets.”

Nope.

“Once it’s out there, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, we all know about the horrific deaths that get shown on the web.”

“Those murders are immortal. And this unsub craves that same immortality.”

“He recognizes his face on theirs and he kills them as a way of saying, ‘this is what I look like.’”

I wanna hurl.

“Fortunately for us, this means we have a good idea of what he looks like.”

Oh god. I hope they catch him fast.

“We overuse the term narcissistic in our culture, but we’re going back to the psychological definition. Every aspect of this man’s life has been constructed around an inflated sense of self.”

“Unsubs like this are particularly vulnerable to what’s called narcissistic injury.”

“If his self-worth is attacked or damaged, he will lash out.”

“Under no circumstances should you denigrate him.”

God, I hope they are careful.

JJ handling the press like a boss.

“Hotch.”

“Somebody leaked our profile.”

Fuck.

“Oh, you crafty little sicko.”

I love you, Garcia.

“Sir, it’s fantastic you called. I just figured out …”

“So, how are you doing on pinning down the network?”

Why are you interrupting my genius?

“Okay. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Remember how I said he was spoofing his signal of different servers? Well, it turns out some of those are a decoy meant to waste my time.”

“So does that mean you can find him faster?”

“Totally. Totally. I can write a program that filters out the decoys …”

“Oh, crap.”

Are they allowed to say ‘crap’?

“Is that him?”

“Yeah. Okay, it looks like I’m gonna have to filter this on the fly.”

I love you.

“Can you send us the feed?”

“I can intercept it in Ukraine.”

“He’s going live.”

“Look at the way he’s moving. He’s not slow and deliberate. This guy’s pissed.”

“All right, what do we see? Determining markers.”

“A one-story cottage.”

Not helping.

“Is there a number on the house?”

“No, and he’s already at the door.”

Oh fuck.

“Garcia.”

“He’s using twice as many proxy servers.”

“Wait. This window here on the bottom … is that the chat room?”

Yup.

What happened?”

“Someone asked the wrong question at the press conference.”

“Oh, my god, turn around. Just turn around.”

“Maybe she can fend him off.”

“New kitchen appliances. Can we track them through work orders?”

“He’ll be gone by then.”

“Garcia, give us something.”

“I’m stateside now. I’m almost to Idaho. I just need more time.”

“You’re not gonna make it.”

“Yes, I will.”

Oh my determined goddess.

“Forget the unsub. can you run a trace on everybody in the chat room?”

“I can’t do both, sir. Let me do this.”

“Garcia, tag the viewers. That’s an order.”

Fuck.

Oh my horrified puppy.

“Baby girl, it’s gonna be okay.”

“No, no it’s not.”

“It’s bad enough that there’s been so much death around me, but this guy is all up in my turf. And he’s really good at what he does for really awful reasons.”

“That’s why you’re gonna find the perverts that watched it happen in that chat room.”

“And we’ll nail them to the wall and they’re gonna give up the unsub.”

“No, no, that is not good enough.”

“I want to watch him suffer.”

“I want to watch him bleed.”

WHAT?

“Oh, god. I just scared myself.”

And me.

“Good, that’s a good thing.”

Huh?

“Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way is the last person you want to tick off is Miss Penelope Garcia.”

Aww.

“That’s a compliment, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

Aw…

“We will beat this guy. Believe that.”

“Now, I’ll call you when we’ve got something.”

I love Derek Morgan beyond all measure.

“He was moving faster because he was angry.”

“So he rushed. Which means he made a mistake.”

“Well, it wasn’t the cameras. He remembered to take those with him.”

“It wasn’t the body. He took that with him, too.”

“Hey, did Garcia find anything unusual with Allison’s wireless?”

“No, records show that it was a basic DSL installation.”

“Hey, Prentiss.”

Ooh, my baby is onto something.

“What do you got?”

“You see this line right here?’

“This is what brings the internet from the street into the house.”

Oh snap.

“This isn’t DSL.”

Nope.

“It’s a fiber-optic cable. Completely different type of connection.”

“We just found his mistake.”

Boom.

“If there’s already an internet connection in the house, why does he bring his own with him? Is it the upload speed?”

“Fiber-optic allows him to stream large amounts of video. And maintain a chat room.”

Fuck.

“That’s dozens of computers connected to him at once.”

“He’d need a lot of bandwidth for something like that.”

Damn.

Let’s get the fuckers.

“FBI. We have a warrant.”

“This is a warrant for all the computers in your possession. You’re under arrest for accessory to murder.”

“Watching a murder happen online and doing nothing about it is a felony.”

So they’re at the place where the fucker got the cables.

“We think it’s an employee using your cable as a ruse to get into the house. Can you think of any …?”

“Mac Jones.”

Boom.

“We need his information.”

Yup.

“Ladies and gentlemen, meet Mac Jones.”

That’s a different dude.

“That’s because last year, Mr. Jones had his identity stolen.”

Frack.

“Now, I can’t tell you who the unsub is pretending to be now,”

“But since a picture’s worth a thousand databases, I can tell you who he was.”

“Robert Johnson, three-time loser, arrested for possession of torture videos.”

Ugh.

“Spent some time in a halfway house before he disappeared.”

“I found a blog of his online.”

“Here’s a quote … ‘Next time you won’t be able to stop me.’”

“That’s his narcissism again.”

“Garcia, is there a pattern to the identities that he steals?”

“No. he’s really disciplined about it. Once he burns through an identity, he never uses the same one again.”

“You know how I describe some suspects as being off the grid? This guy is totally the opposite.”

“He’s all over the grid. He’s manipulating the grid.”

“And he never stays in one place for very long.”

“So how do we find out who he is now?”

“I don’t think we’re going to. The man known as Robert Johnson is in the wind.”

Fuck.

“If he’s this flexible with his name, his real name, forget it.”

“But there is another way we can find him.”

Yes?

“His online name, his hacker handle. That’s the name that matters to him.”

“Wait. Wouldn’t he have hundreds of those, too?”

“Most definitely. But remember how I said hackers are loyal? They stick to certain names.”

“That’s how you identify yourself to other hackers.”

“That’s how the FBI caught me.”

And she’s so proud of it. Oh my lovely.

“So if we find the handle …”

“I’ll get you the unsub. I promise.”

“See, Scott, we think it was you.”

“And we found some pretty interesting movies in your hard drive to back up our theory.”

Ooh, my lovely tough guy.

“‘White girls can’t hump.’ That’s nice.””

Wow. The sarcasm.

“‘Schindler’s fist.’”

Oh god.

“See, this one right here, this is the one that got my attention.”

“The erotic awakenings of Sandy.’”

“How old was the girl in that video? What was she, twelve?” Fuck.

“I can explain”

Yeah right.

“Shut up!”

“This is what’s weird to me.”

Something specific is weird to you? Oh god.

“Most of your files were locked away, but not the child porn. We found it in like five minutes.”

“It wasn’t password-protected or anything.”

“How does someone who’s supposed to be so smart with computers do something so dumb?”

“Can we cut a deal?”

Ha. Yeah, right.

“Before this guy accepts you into the club … he gives you the illegal stuff. Kids. Torture.”

Oh god, I’m about to be sick.

“He has to know that you’re risking as much as he is. Mutually assured destruction.”

“You rat him out, he takes you with him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Don’t you try and play me, kid.”

“His online name.”

“Mrs. Prentiss.”

Ha.

“Agent Prentiss.”

To you, pervert.

“He sent out a message. He said tonight would be the best one yet.”

Oh fuck.

“What’s interesting, Mr. Chapman, the other two men we talked to, they had a form of collateral on their hard drive.”

“Hard-core pornography. Illegal. Rough.”

How is an old clueless grandpa getting involved in this shit?

So he knows the unsub because he came into his store? Oh dear, the poor dude.

“Do you believe him?”

“I believe he doesn’t fit the profile of the other voyeurs. They’re good with computers. They have hacking experience.”

“Garcia checked out the website. She said it’s crude. You can’t even order anything from it.”

“I got him.”

“Does he have his own network?”

“He doesn’t need one. He’s got a whole city to leech off of. He’s doing this again tonight.”

“Can you send me a list of networks he’s hacked recently?”

“I got twenty hits.”

“Filter out men and families. He only hits single women.”

“Eight left.”

“Garcia, do you have any pictures?”

“Coming your way.”

Boom.

My genius has her.

“You sure?” Oh come on.

“This is the FBI, we’re coming in.”

“She’s not here, but her car is.”

“It just went on by itself.”

Oh fuck.

“He’s recording us.”

“Garcia, the unsub is working off Lucy Masters’ network. Can you tell where the video’s being transmitted to?”

“I can’t tell. He’s not logged in as Watcher89. He’s not using any of the regular proxy servers.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t know that this was him.”

“Damn it! He’s encrypted his connection to the proxies. There’s nothing I can do to help you find him.”

“What do we see?”

“Metal walls.”

“Wait a minute. Garcia, can you magnify the wall behind her?”

My goddess desperate to help.

“It’s a walk-in freezer.”

Fuck. He got it from the old geezer.

“We didn’t catch you by mistake, did we, Austin?”

“You gave him a place to hide the bodies.”

“When something goes out on the internet, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, you’re going to jail. That’s a foregone conclusion.”

“But unless you cooperate with me, I will do everything I can to make sure that the next time your grandkids google you, they will find out what kind of a monster grandpa really is.”

Oh damn.

First time I’m scared of Rossi.

 “Where is the freezer?”

They got him.

“We’re on our way.”

“Garcia, it’s been three minutes since the signal went up live. Lucy might not have that much time left.”

Stop pressuring my goddess.

“I can buy you some. Now that I have his physical address, I got my business all up in his.”

I love you.

“No, no, not today.”

XD

“Now, when your internet goes down, it ruins your whole day, doesn’t it, psycho?”

I love you, lady.

“Get off her!”

Get him!

“What do you see when you look at them?”

Why try and understand that fucker?

“Get him out of there.”

God.

Eric Schmidt: “The internet is the first thing humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had.”

Whoa.

Not gonna bore you iwth any more verbiage, I think it’s pretty obvious my stance on the peisode. LOVED IT!

I’ll see you all tomorrow for the season finale of season five. HOLY SHIT! Where has the time gone to?

[soranihimawari]

No Risk, No Reward

taglist: @kaidasen

Notes: this is the final chapter and a mini-epilogue of No Risk, No Reward.

I initially started this out as an ot3 fic focusing on the friendship of Akaashi, Bokuto, and Muda, but then everything changed once i started typing part 5.

“the final part”

🏵🏵epilogue comes out on 6/2/2020🏵🏵

______________________________________________________________

ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟞 :

I kissed Bokuto like how I wanted to be kissed; when our lips mashed together, I heard him whimper against the surprise answer. I wanted to destroy his lips and when he hungrily pushed back my kiss, he was satisfied with the answer. My hands gripped his shoulders again; I wondered if he knew how strong I was because my knuckles were stiff from the fistful of cotton fabric his shirt was made of.

The next thing I knew, Bokuto had taken me into his arms again and lifted me up. Ok. I knew he was strong earlier, but now? What in the high holy hell Kotaro? Do I have to keep up with you so we could exhaust the other with our nuanced emotions? I thought when he pushed his tongue back inside my mouth. C’mon Ko. Give into me like a moth to a flame. Keep up with me...

I raised a hand to his cheek and he leaned into my palm. Bokuto knew I couldn’t sleep like this with the way he’s been acting; his kisses render me defenseless against his statement (tell me you’re mine bounced around my brain for a few seconds).

I tilted my head in the opposite direction while he followed my lead. Our necks cracked gently releasing the built up CO2 in our vertebrae (allowing for our shoulder muscles to relax more). 

I pulled away first to catch my breath taking short deep breaths, but also I needed to touch the ground. I wasn’t going to let Bokuto just carry me all through the night. Although, he still held me with one arm on my back.  

“You make my heartbeat in irregular rhythms, damn it. I can hear my pulse in my ears,” I began. “So don’t get too haughty and worked-up if I don’t tell you I’m yours. I do not belong to the people I love, got that?”

Bokuto nodded, he was breathing normally now. He never heard me use my captain tone, but he didn’t mind. I know he could tell I was being a bit grouchy since technically I was about to fall asleep when he knocked on my door. What is with that shine in his eyes anyways? Bokuto and I both knew we’re sailing in uncharted waters here without Akaashi to guide us, I thought. I picked up a different hair tie that was within arms’ reach located on my night stand and tied up my hair again. 

“I’m going to sleep now. I think you should try to sleep too, Hotaru,” he said. My name rolled off his tongue in a delicate way. I liked the way it wafted through the air like fireflies on a spring night.

A sheepish grin emerged on my face because I thought he wanted to sleep here. Then it dawned on me I wasn’t sitting on my bed just yet.

“Oh,” I said when I rolled over to my mattress. I had gotten used to how my body felt next to his the times he had picked me up and I clutched the closest pillow to bury my face in. A chortled laugh escaped my mouth only to be squinting at the beaming grin on his face.

Bokuto was about to walk toward my doorway and when I reached for arm to stop him, I couldn’t resist saying this:

“I didn’t know you also needed tutoring in anatomy and physiology either, hahaha.” 

Bokuto turned around so I could see that his face suddenly exploded with rose colored blushes under his eyes. I sat down like a child immediately and folded my arms over my chest and politely kicked him out of my room.

This time, I let him leave my door ajar. Not even ten minutes later, he came back inside with two glass bottles of apple juice. I had already closed my eyes and turned away from the door when he nudged me with the bottle. 

“Mmm…?” I was deliriously drowsy. It was way past my personal bed time, but seeing him kneeling down next to my bed made me sit up and scoot over.

“Drink this first and then go to sleep, ok?” He instructed. I nodded and opened the juice with the twist cap. I took a few short chugs and placed the empty one on the floor. I watched him do the same when he finished his. He leaned against my mattress when he sat down.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” Bokuto’s query caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure why he was curious, but when I saw he was tapping the corner of his mouth, he furrowed his brows. I placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Does it matter?” I asked. I used my free hand to comb a loosened portion of of my hair behind my ear. I nudged the nape of his neck then said in a kind, but teasing tone in the spot closest to his ear: “You’re the one who knocked on my door and kissed me first Ko. What was that about anyway?”

“Usually the members of the volleyball team we praise when I get a play right,” he turned to face me. He really did look like a shy version of himself. “I thought maybe instead of telling you how I felt, like Akaashi said I should, I just kissed you and I didn’t know if—”

“But I kissed you back, you dork!” I tapped his shoulder so he could turn to see me. I flicked his forehead and he made a confused face.

“Oh yeah?” He teased. “I don’t remember.” 

I rolled my eyes. 

“Get out of my room.” 

I laid myself back down and turned my back to him. I was bothered by his lack of respect for my sleeping patterns. 

“You did kiss me back; you’re mine now, you know.”

His voice was low, but he was grinning like an idiot. It wasn’t like I had intended to kiss him back at all. I’d be an absolute fool if I didn’t enjoy any of it; at the very least, I know I felt my cheeks get hot when he said that. I could tell Bokuto bit his lip when he chuckled at how my body twitched when I got flustered.

“Of course I am. Ko, simmer down and go get some sleep, please? Leave me alone for a few hours, that’s all I ask because I don’t know if I could handle being in the same room with you right now.”

“OK. Oh, for the record, I love you too. Night babe,” he said. I heard him pick up the empty juice bottles when he stood up to head out to the kitchen area. I was already dozing off after I told my heart rate to return to normal so I couldn’t hear him come back to pull my door shut. 

***

The next morning... 

10:32a.m.  To:ಥ⌣ಥmiserablerage_muda ಥ⌣ಥ From: ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘blessed_setter keiji┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ What the hell happened last night? Bokuto told me he kissed you? Nani da fuq Muda!

10:38a.m. To: ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘blessed_setter keiji┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ From: ಥ⌣ಥmiserablerage_muda ಥ⌣ಥ

Yes, Akaashi. Bokuto did kiss me, but that’s all I’m going to confirm. Idk where he went because as of right now, he isn’t here. My mom left for work hours ago, so maybe he went out for a run to clear his head. I’d like to think last night was a fever dream. 

10:58 a.m. To:ಥ⌣ಥmiserablerage_muda ಥ⌣ಥ  From: ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘blessed_setter keiji┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ What a time for Bokuto to figure out he likes you & you kissed him back. That’s great. My 2 best friends happened to fall in love leaving me as the third wheel (sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell, lol).  We got the next two days free of morning practice since the whole team needed some time off to take make-up exams for various classes. Is it ok if I hang out with you tomorrow? My biology essay needs a once over about the human nervous system. I’m gonna be hanging out with Shuichi, so I’ll stop by your apartment on the way home.

11:29 a.m.

To: ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘blessed_setter keiji┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ From: ಥ⌣ಥmiserablerage_muda ಥ⌣ಥ

Are you jealous Akaashi? If you would of told me you felt the same way about me a long time ago, maybe when you get into the same university i plan on attending, i’d probably out match you physically, lmao, jk jk. I can’t do that to you, Keiji. Bokuto would literally kill me. Anyways, he found his way back! he wanted to buy me coffee before we started studying. see ya later lil owl-chan. 

***

Bokuto and I have been dating for a few weeks now. It was not that big of a change for us. I guess because of our time away from each other due to club activities we kept tabs on each other via phone calls and sms messaging. My season as archery captain was coming to a close and when the week of the inter-high competition came around, I told Bokuto, Akaashi, Kaori, and Yukie to come see me perform. Somehow word spread among the other friends they had made in neighboring schools like Nekoma and Karasuno about the solo archer who was dating the Fukurodani ace. 

Every time I went to my usual archery range on campus grounds, someone from the team would be there to help me build my targets before their team started warm ups. One time, I didn’t notice that practice had concluded early enough since the coach of the Fukurodani Volleball Club, ‎Takeyuki Yamiji, had a prior engagement to attend to with his family. Both Nekoma and Karasuno’s members were using our school gyms for practice since the invitation was extended to them on occasion. I had gotten myself more familiar with the ladies who managed Karasuno’s team since Nekoma had none (except I finally learned the name of their captain). 

I looked down at my notebook with the tally marks for misses and hits. In high school tournaments, you pass to the next round with the average number of hits you make. I strung up my bow earlier this afternoon and began to test how taut my bow was, when I was finally able to hear the tsurune (the vibration of the bowstring) clearly, I moseyed over to my quiver filled with ten practice arrows. 

“No risk, no reward,” I said. I peered over my shoulder to make sure none of the volleyball players were coming to scare me even though the one time Kuroo did, Bokuto quarreled with his friend. I squinted at the large target from fifteen feet away and nodded. I took my warrior stance and began to take a deep inhale through my nose at the same time, I picked up an arrow. When I had exhaled, I had laced my arrow through and inhaled a short breath this time. I kept both my eyes opened, my hand that gripped the bow was steady. I drew the string back and when my hand grazed my lip, I exhaled and released my arrow. 

It flew in the air in slow motion until it landed on the target. Six more arrows were shot in succession each hitting the various distance markers. Volleyball practice for the guys were almost done, but apparently, the three team captains decided to call it an hour earlier than expected since Bokuto wanted to watch me practice a bit more, so he went on ahead to watch my genius at work.

*** end

[grimoireemil]

hermdoggydog replied to your post “hermdoggydog replied to your post “hermdoggydog replied to your post...”

there's limits to how much spellwork you can throw at the khert in a given area. and yeah, they are very much treated like archer units, because there's that critical draw/cast time and most wrights focus on pymary rather than CQC (duane and elka notwithstanding). it's a bit of everything, with armies countering wrights with either their own wrights, first materials, composite anti-pymary materials, constructs, or simply outmaneuvering them (they're still human)

Ya see, that’s what doesn’t sit well from me. What is that limit. Where’s that forceful line. It sounds to me that it’s just kinda saying that “at the very least a group of wrights can’t kill EVERYONE because there’s a limit on how many people they can kill!!!” which is like. OK? The Khert literally has to tell them to stfu because they’re so overpowered lol.

Also, If you can’t core leech an army, what’s to stop you from doing something equally as dramatic with your wright fellow soldiers from like, being creative with their surroundings. See a river? Cool, do a little redirecting and you can drown your enemy EASY.

As for the “bit of everything” point, that’s my point. If you do not have access to pymary or REALLY expensive first materials, you’re fucked. Plain and simple. A Wright can literally say a few words and kill you in an instant. They can even do a really easy cast to just. Make you heart stop. I doubt that’d be a demanding request on the network.

And sure. You can outmaneuver and take someone by surprise. Sure. But that’s the thing. A non-wright with no ways to counter a wright has to be EXTREMELY intelligent and clever to even stand a chance against a Wright who is just. Semi good at what he does.

All I’m saying is that a Wright is obscenely powerful with the wide range of creative choices they’ve been given. The only limit you have is another wright or literally the fabric of the universe telling you to stop because you’re damaging the universe too much with your super powerful magic. I would love to hear more in the comic on how generals combat this. This to me is kind of like every one is carrying weapons of mass destruction into battles and making a silent agreement not to unleash the full force of these WMDs on each other so that way not everyone is dead at the end of the day.

[tumblunni]

like.. i mean.. its not even a Huge Bad or anything, like it doesnt seem like the creators were intentionally bigoted but just that they wanted to do ~historical accuracy~ but this kinda bugged me in The Banner Saga its not even anything big but it really stacks up??

like i mean there’s loads and loads of scattered lines that’re all ‘oh no the women and children’ and thats pretty much the only way they appear as like ‘oh no.’ the main female character in the whole game is your protagonist’s daughter who you ~have to preserve the innocence of~ by not letting her fight when like she’s fuckin 18 and she’s ONE OF THE BEST UNITS IN THE DAMN GAME her, and oddlief, and yrsa. ALL THE DAMN ARCHERS cos btw all women are archers and we only have three of them across two armies and there’s like fiddy other classes for men and also a species of all male giants and also the enemy stonemen are assumed to be all male and then seeing one female one is meant to humanize them just because ~oh the women and children~ and ~women don’t fight in war, they must be really suffering to start doing that~ WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR THREE FEMALE PARTY MEMBERS RIGHT THERE

and seriously fuckin ~PRESERVING HER INNOCENCE~ she’s 18 you get an achievement for either not using her in battle, or using her but never having her deal a killing blow she’s ffffuckin 18 you’re supposed to just see her as ~oh poor boo~ who i should want to protect, and ignore her own wishes when she keeps saying she wants to fight universally, allowing her to do what she asks to do will get nothing but bad results in random events and stuff first time you do it it gets a man killed man also did I mention how annoying it is that you can just randomly lose units forever if you pick the wrong dialogue option in random events?? I lost gunnulf and yrsa and i’d wasted SO MANY UPGRADE POINTS ON THEM so yeah there’s only three female characters and two of them can die in these random events and dont really have much of a plot role and then the last one is ~preserve her innocence plot~ and gets kidnapped or whatever to motivate her dad, and then even badass Oddlief gets kidnapped too to motivate protagonist and like SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE becomes a love interest for him right before this happened like seriously where was the fucking chemistry

oh and oddlief also has another fuckin wallbanger scene cos she’s the wife of the village chief and she comes out and tells you that you have to be the next village chief when he dies, because “nobody would ever follow a woman” and “i would ruin the village for the sake of my selfishness, everything would fall apart into riots” if she tried to be the new chief like.. youre just... a random fuckin hunter??? oh and blablabla oddlief is apparantly ‘barren’ so she’s a dead end to the chief line and you could provide a heir blablabla. that just makes it even weirder that she suddenly gets a romance with you out of nowhere prior to her potential death scene, when youre like.. you’re just chief cos you’re taking the role of her son... oh and then she goes off on a tangeant about how being seen as a strong woman is super bad and she wants to be ~allowed to cry like a real woman~ and its just really fuckin stupid and never gets brought up again this is what i mean about games with ‘historical accuracy’ about predjudice or whatever not having to.. like... AGREE WITH THE PREDJUDICE AND PRETEND EVERYONE SUPPORTED IT INCLUDING THE VICTIMS thats such a fucking LAZY way to handle this kind of plot

and then seriously if they were trying so hard to limit all women to one class then they shoulda tried harder to not make it THE BEST CLASS IN THE GAME that repeatedly solo’d the entire board for me while protaggy mcdad went down like a sack o bricks if i’d been able to keep all three archers instead of RANDOM FRIGGIN DEATH EVENTS, I coulda had a much easier time! seriously daughter character had a shitty unique ability that I never used once in the game, and she was STILL better than everyone else the only people who were even better were the other two archers who had a good ability too

also like.. seriously.. you could have at least tried to establish that daughter character was in need of protection... at all?? like she’s just introduced going “dad i wanna fight to defend my own damn life and home” and then he says no and THEN SHE KICKS ASS WHEN SHE ACTUALLY FIGHTS TO DEFEND HER OWN DAMN LIFE AND HOME and we know NOTHING about these characters really, except that the guy we’re supposed to like has been introduced going all ‘blablabla dont fight for literally no reason except woman’ and then his motive for the whole game is about sheltering someone who doesnt need it and never asked for it and notably he has no fucking arguments about his daughter’s childhood friend fighting in the same fight just cos he’s a dude. even though theyre a fuckin HUNTER FAMILY and he’s been fighting alongside his daughter every damn day and should know what she’s capable of. And this is just a random village kid! who predictably dies in that same battle! and gets completely forgotten about! tfw ur shitty sexism plot is wreckin things for the male characters too lol

oh and then THE FUCKIN ENDING the big gimmick is that one of the characters has to sacrifice themself to kill the big bad and they have the fuckin GALL to make this THE ONLY TIME you’re allowed to let her prove herself! the choice of letting her be the one to die is presented as “but dad i can really do it” and her proving she’s better than him so if you dont want her to die you have to shoot her down and say she cant fight cos she’s a girl and blablabla i will protect you even though you dont need protecting AGAIN when really my fuckin motivation was more like “fuck u maybe if you dont exist then her plot won’t be blablabla protection every five minutes” I REALLY WANTED THIS PROTAGONIST TO DIE i’d say its cruel of me to blame him for bad writing choices, but really he didnt have much personality outside of the sexism. just generic 'for some reason you are our leader now and we all trust you’ type hero...

and like.. this put everything all into perspective?? like her WHOLE PURPOSE IN THE GAME has been to make you wanna protect her, and then ~oh tragedy~ she gets fridged in the end to fuel our protagonist’s character growth and again its a case of the bad outcome whenever you choose to agree with her. and like it “proves” the whole thing cos her big hero moment of fighting gets her killed. (even though it does the same to the protagonist too...) and then if you choose the dad to be the one who dies you’re forced to agree with his protectiveness thing and he dies and now she’s left believing he’s right... I mean I’m at least happy they gave us a choice here! But i’m not really very confident in how they’ll handle her as the protagonist in the sequel, considering how they handled all the female characters here. or they might just have some new character take over the protagonist slot instead...

oh and also its weird that every female character is basically a different hairstyle/hat on the same model like.. a super super thin modern ideal of a supermodel character, too its not super fanservicey or anything but its weird with how all the dudes vary wildly in body build and like.. the typical viking wife character in anything ever is usually chubby, and here you cant even tell which one is supposed to be older than the other two. and they all wear robes despite being archers?? also why is the varl race all male, except from just “because theyre strong and nobody wants to see strong women” the jotunn/giants in norse myth were never all male, and that seems to be what they’re based on. tho i mean this is a world where greek centaurs and weird biological statue robots are also here, so they might not be based on anything, lol

[karak9]

(omg tysm I didn’t expect this much info :O I just picked a random person who was doing tarot)

really interesting. so last night I was making this past life regression oil recipe I’d found and saw a white moth in the kitchen, which was the third time I’ve seen a white moth now?? weird. I set it outside tho.

then I had a dream about larping with people and being a super badass archer. I don’t think I was actually that good in my possible elf life LOL but it was still super cool and I felt very elfy in my dream altho I was human. maybe I was just thinking about elf stuff so much I dreamed about it, idk.

I may have said on here before but I’m pretty confident I was some kinda warrior in my elf life and that I was really good with a bow and a sword (prob mostly bow tbh). the “change of jobs” thing made me think of how I may have had a normal elf life up until some point where I had to go to war or something?

right away, the connection to nature thing is SO on point. I believe my kind were sort of guardians of nature and lived in the forest. I feel like I’ve said a million times now that I have a deep connection to nature and have since childhood, and that’s the main thing that led me to believe I’m elfkin. very cool. I believe in tarot now. ty.

I don’t remember anything about my family or even other people in my elf life, so this is interesting to read. I’ll have to do some more regressions to figure out stuff about the other people in my life. like I’m fairly certain I did have close friends or a family, tho maybe what’s blocking me rn is I have a weird relationship with the concept of family bc of how my family (in this life) has treated me growing up, so the idea of having a loving family feels ?? so foreign??? but I think I could see my elf life having had a kind loving family, it’s just wild to think about rn. I don’t get how anyone can be close with their family lmao

the survivor thing reminds me of when I was a kid and would roleplay in my backyard and pretend I was a badass super hero/alien warrior from another planet who could shapeshift into a dog lmao, and I don’t remember how the HECK I got this idea as a child but my background story was like, this big spooky evil monster queen killed everyone in my village to come after me. I still wonder to this day if I somehow got that from a show I watched or if it was really a past life thing. maybe in my elf life my village was destroyed and I was one of the few survivors. I honestly didn’t think about that until now. I’ve kinda just accepted over time that 90% of my weird fantasies as a kid were just fantasies, but I also believe the name I “made up” as a kid is probably my elf name soooo, anything is possible I guess.

I’m not sure about the overcoming addiction thing. I don’t think it was me who had a problem with addiction, maybe it was someone else. what this kinda reminds me of tho is when I was doing research on elfkin when I was questioning my kintype, I came across this blog that described a lot about elf history, which I’m still not sure if it was entirely from elfkin sharing their memories and stuff or if any of it was based off of books?? (like how there are elfkin who resonate with lotr stuff) but there was this thing called like the corruption or w/e that would take over anything and everything and just destroyed shit. kinda wonder if there was something like that in my time as an elf, and maybe me or someone else was inflicted with something like this and recovered.

about my death- I’ve always thought self sacrifice was a very honourable way to die, I’m not sure if that’s what this could mean, but yeah. I remember even as a kid I wished that I could be like jesus LMAO like I just wanted to be cool and sacrifice myself to others, not that I wanted to literally be just like jesus but I thought the idea of sacrificing myself for the greater good was the shit. maybe it did have something to do with my family, like I sacrificed myself for them. idk. I’d sure as hell consider that a successful death, lmao. I really highly doubt I committed suicide in that life. but I have wondered if I died young in that life or if my kind just didn’t age bc the concept of growing old is weird af to me.

and the last one- I would say for a long time I’ve been sort of motherly. like, in this life I honestly don’t want kids of my own, I’m perfectly fine just being the cool aunt who will do arts and crafts with kids, but damn I do not wanna settle down and have kids, at least not any time soon. but maybe in my past life I had kids? idk. or maybe I was preggo at some point. wouldn’t be totally shocked. gotta say tho, I have a feeling past life me would’ve made a great mom. this life? not so much. but elf mom good.

just thought I’d write out my interpretations of all of this. it’s nice to have my thoughts written somewhere bc I’m hella forgetful. this is cool af tho and I can’t wait to do some past life regressions :D

Hello! I've never asked anyone for a tarot reading but I'm really curious about my past life. I believe I was an elf. I don't know any other info you need from me but I'd like to know anything about that life really. I would say I'm particularly curious about my death, or leading up to it. Thanks!

Ooo a past life! Of course, anon! So this one is a doozy. Lot of cards for 8 questions so lets dive in. Oh yea, I used the Wild Unknown deck. Oh yea, I did a spread, forgot to say that.

1. Your early ears

8 of Swords reversed: it seems like you were a survivor of some sort. You escaped too.

9 of Swords reversed: you recovered from it and accepted the helo.

7 of Cups reversed: you had some lack of spiritual growth and had clarity.

2. Education

Father of Pentacles: you were gentle and passionate.

The Fool: you had new beginnings in your education.

3 of Pentacles: you had the determination and relied on help when needed.

Son of Swords: yet, you were determined yourself to finish it. You also were well educated.

The Moon: you had some self doubt and anxiety happening.

The Empress: you had a maternal type of relationship in your life. You were connected to nature (maybe the elf in you?)

The Emperor: you also had a paternal type of relationship too. Both parents perhaps.

The Hierophant: you loved learning and knowledge.

3. Occupation

Wheel of Fortune: looks like your past life had a change of jobs. This card says there’s a change of fate coming.

4. Social Status

Temperance: you had balanc and harmony in your life.

The Devil reversed: it looks like you or someone overcame an addiction. Y’all been released of that addiction.

5. Relationships

5 of Cups: someone in your friend grouo or relationship left ya. Sadness there.

6. Death

6 of Wands: it looks like it was successful death or life. Maybe suicide? Or your life was successful.

Father of Wands: you had a loving heart. Family most likely came to honor you and your death.

7. The Lesson Learned

Mother of Cups: it seems like the lesson you learned at the time was to love your family.

8. The Impact of the past life in your present life

A pregnancy probably came or is going to happen. Or the growth of ideas are all around ya.

Alright, doozy I tell ya! I hope you enjoyed this reading! Critism is welcomed! ☺️

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Captain America: Civil War (Part 3 of 3)

He Reminds Me of a Chicken Pox. If I’m In Trouble PLEASE Do Not Call Him.

The Setup: Here’s Part 1 of Marchae and Clint’s Civil War reaction, and here’s Part 2.

Notes from Kris and Miri in italics.

MARCHAE: Ok can I tell you what I liked

CLINT: Sure I liked everything

MARCHAE: NO NO NO first tell me what you liked 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 

I would not go that far...  but I did LOVE Madam Hot Sauce!! She is a really strong female character (physically) and that makes me happy... 

CLINT: It was a good continuation of the cap story

Black panther

Spidey

Obviously, cap

Hawkeye

Yes Madame hot sauce

MARCHAE: Hawkeye is a male Katniss Everdeen 

He is not on my list... our lists do not match except for Madam Hot Sauce

CLINT: Visions density shifting

His name is Clint

MARCHAE: SPIDEY is so far not on my list he isn't even on my non existent kid's kid's kid's list

CLINT: [Hawkeye] grew up in the circus

MARCHAE: SHIT! SERIOUSLY!! 

CLINT: Hurtful

MARCHAE: you want me to get back on the things I DON"T LIKE

But really… A CIRCUS 

ok i am going to tell you the things I LIKED 

CLINT: That's his comic history. But continue

MARCHAE: it should not be

CLINT: It works

KRIS: It does! 

I don’t think it’s supposed to be Clint Barton’s backstory in the movies, though. For whatever it’s worth, the Ultimates version of Clint (whom movie-Clint was more directly inspired by, at least early on) was an Olympic archer who became a special ops soldier. We do know that movie-Clint was with SHIELD long before Natasha, and that when he was assigned to kill her (she was with the KGB at the time), he turned her instead.

MARCHAE: I really do like the core of the story like when you take out all the things I didn't like about it the root message of friends til the end is a good one

CLINT: And him and hot sauce are bffs

K: The movie does shortchange this. And I would’ve liked to see even more work with Steve and Natasha’s friendship.

MARCHAE: also...why. I also really liked the action scenes 

CLINT: So Friends makes it worse

MARCHAE: No!  

in fact my note was "I think if they don't talk and it was just action with no words ALWAYS... I could get all the way down"  that's kind of a backhanded compliment but i REALLY REALLY REALLY like action movies a lot

K: I don’t think I knew this

MIRI: I definitely did not

CLINT: So less story more action

MARCHAE: so it is a testament to the fact that they were some amazing action scenes.

CLINT: So you'd like a Michael​ Bay avengers

MARCHAE: We can talk about my issues with story later (and it was mostly just wonky time things)

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

K: I’m learning so much about Marchae

CLINT: No

MARCHAE: I mean I do love to see the people fight and the things get blown up

CLINT: Watch Man of steel you'll see why that's bad

MARCHAE: guess I will and I bet it will be GOOD!

CLINT: No

MARCHAE: well it's also superman...

ok things I like Mr. Madam Hot Sauce (I know she's your crush)

CLINT: #notmysuperman

MARCHAE: LOL

CLINT: Scarjo is the best

MARCHAE: I did like the Black Panther Reveal ( I think by this point in my notes I got their names somewhat together because they are all written-- I am going to take pictures of my notes and put them in the post) I loved the spotty accent the Olsen Sister

CLINT: She was regionally vague

MARCHAE: it was regionally hilarious because it was only on words that had weird 'R' sounds

LOL. it provided comedic relief

I actually really liked the toddler robot he may have been my favorite

CLINT: I don't know if it was funny but ok

MARCHAE: it was

CLINT: Really him

K: Now I legitimately think Marchae should go back and watch Avengers: Age of Ultron for Vision stuff.

MARCHAE: YUP and Madam Hot Sauce... I may be her if I ever decide to celebrate Halloween

K now hear me cause this is going to be mean

CLINT: Comic con

Cos play

MARCHAE: but I really really liked the individual's subplot story lines... they were well defined but the total stories as a collective not so much  so if each character had a break out session of sorts i could do it...

AND I WOULD HAVE COS PLAYED THIS YEAR BUT YOU STOOD ME UP!!!

CLINT: That's what the whole movie was

MARCHAE: no...

CLINT: Unrelated (re:Cosplay)

MARCHAE: (no that last bit is truth)

ok The fight scene with Bucky was also great and the tag team girl fight scene was also pretty amazing

CLINT: Which Bucky fight the one on the stairs or when he was cray. Or both

MARCHAE: Both actually were really good

I also like that it is a woman who calls Iron Man on his crap and tells him to watch his back

CLINT: The stairs is my fav next to the one at the end

The kids mom

MARCHAE: I also really did forget how awesome iron mans suit was  and I appreciated Stan Lee's cameo

those were all the things I liked

CLINT: It it's cool but he has no powers

MARCHAE: who? Iron Man

CLINT: Yep

MARCHAE: Are you kidding me right now?

LIKE ONLY TWO OF THEM DO ANYWAY!!!!

MIRI: Spiderman has powers. Just saying

CLINT: Iron Man has no powers he's just rich and smart

MARCHAE: like none of them have powers is my point I think that this wasn't a bad movie I just would rather more put together polished heroes

CLINT: Vision, Wanda, cap and Spidey

MARCHAE: if you say that things name one more time i swear  Ok can we please talk about spider man just for a moment and I will try to be rational

CLINT: They didn't need back story at this point We're like 12 movies in

MARCHAE: (also thats not a lot of people to depend on--but we are rehashing earlier conversation if we keep revising that point)  

CLINT: Spidey was awesome

MARCHAE: Here is my thing I don't like Spider Man ... not one bit nope

CLINT: Why

MARCHAE: in fact... my actual honest to god note says... "He reminds me of a chicken pox. 

K: I’m... not sure what this means?

he is always jokes on jokes on jokes. If I'm in trouble PLEASE do not call him. Is this THE BEST that Tony can do! He has the ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE AT HIS DISPOSAL”

I've never liked spiderman . he is kind of whiney and it is really annoying when you're depending on people to save your life. I think from that point forward the movie kind of turns into a farce

CLINT: He is a kid and it's how he deals with the stress

Wow

MARCHAE: He needs to grow the heck up

See this is what I mean  

WHY

CLINT: He's in high school

MARCHAE: and the reason it turns into a farce

is because then ANT MAN WHO TURNS INTO A GIANT also JOINS US

CLINT: Tony used a child soldier. Let that sink in

MARCHAE: SANK. I mean there is an entire universe and that man was like let me go and get this MAN CHILD who makes JOKES to help out?

CLINT: Which is why you don't register

MARCHAE: and also the fact that Ant Man referred to them as SUPER HEROES. Which is why we need a manual  

rule number 1A: STOP MAKING JOKES AINT CRAP FUNNY...PEOPLE ARE DYING

K: Wait, maybe Marchae really will like Zack Snyder’s DC movies

CLINT: Ant Man was cool he had his own movie

MARCHAE: Sweet grief

I did like the ant woman/Madam Hot Sauce Fight!

CLINT: And if you let that get to you too much you're done

She kicked him in the gonads

MARCHAE: I feel like That trio: Ant, Spider and Iron Man act way to casual for me

she did and it was great!

Ant Man was the worst... A giant Tiny Man

CLINT: You need them though so it's not super dark. Giant Man was dope

MARCHAE: *eye roll*

CLINT: I'm at that part now. I'm watching it again

MARCHAE: You're watching it AGAIN! LOL

CLINT: Just cause

MARCHAE: YESS!!!

okay so did you have any specific questions for me?  (I mean I have lots for you but I feel like I can easily wikipedia them and spare the interwebs my ignorance)

CLINT: You can ask away, but how did you feel about the reveal at the end with Buck and Tony

MARCHAE: OH I actually really liked that and was shocked!!!  that was pretty cool

K: This is interesting. As a longtime MCU fan who saw it coming from the teaser (and I don't think the movie was necessarily trying to hide it), I still thought it worked on a dramatic level, partly since it involved a betrayal from Steve as well, in his lie of omission.

CLINT: All that destruction to break up the crew

MARCHAE: and it nearly worked...

CLINT: It did

MARCHAE: I think I even noted that it was sad that Captain America felt so alone in the world and that they were literally destroying each other... that was kind of sad ...and great character/story development

CLINT: Man out of time

Defend my friend or jump on board with something to keep his new friends. I was shocked I thought he was hoping to use the soldiers.  

But nope I'm here to let you know buddy killed your parents 

Have fun 

Also Tony's phone

MARCHAE: The phone?  what did I miss 

CLINT: It's just cool

MARCHAE: LOLOL 

CLINT: And projects holograms. I'd want it

MARCHAE: They have those out now! (just kidding)

CLINT: I would own it

MARCHAE: K I don't think I have anything else really of note necessarily

CLINT: See the funny thing is at the end they were close to all being friends again but that was part of the plan

Great ending

MARCHAE: OH NO i didn't mean to cut you off

CLINT: Oh it's cool

MARCHAE: Yeah ... but i feel like it will never be the same with them again 

CLINT: It won't be and that was the plan

MARCHAE: (not that i know a ton about how it used to be with them I mean I saw avengers 1... but still they seemed to all get along)  to turn them against each other and have them all going rogue perfect plan! sounds like gravy to me! 

CLINT: Yep in zemos eyes the avengers killed his family 

he knew he couldn't beat them so he decided to break them 

You can't overlook your friend knowing his homie killed your mom 

Then just be cool

MARCHAE: It is a very intricate story that's for sure

CLINT: But well done

MARCHAE: *offers tight smile*

CLINT: Lol

MARCHAE: We all like different movies  

CLINT: What would you score it

MARCHAE: I feel like it's a trick question because it's like the score BS and the score AS

CLINT: (I'm lost) wait spider Man

MARCHAE: YUP

CLINT: Oh wow such shade

MARCHAE: So BS  it yielded a solid 7.5

AS it went down to probably a 5... I really don't like him and it did get a little silly to me when he arrived on the scene

MIRI: OH MY GOD MARCHAE

CLINT: Then after

MARCHAE: also I need to shout out Marisa Tomei.

K: This did kind of make me want to watch Only You, an early-90s rom-com Tomei and Downey star in. But having seen the trailer, I’m not sure Downey’s character will have aged well.

After what

CLINT: After no more Spidey

MARCHAE: Oh it'd go back up to a 7.5

CLINT: 9.5

MARCHAE: on that note LOL 

CLINT: Lol

MARCHAE: well hey it's been a freaking DELIGHT to do this with you!!! I had fun watching and talking to you about Captain America Civil War

CLINT: 11ty. Hundred! It was a good time

MARCHAE: 11ty hundred is not a movie rating LOL 

CLINT: For this one it is

MARCHAE: I adore you 

Let's try and see LOGAN!

CLINT: I say bvs or we can do both

MARCHAE: what is BVS?  bible vacation school? 

CLINT: Or if you're up for torture will Smith and suicide squad. Batman vs Superman

MIRI: Marchae, don’t watch Suicide Squad. Two bad Will Smith movies in a year might destroy you. He’s good, but the movie is a disaster.

MARCHAE: Lets aim for BVS and Logan! we officially have plans! 

Thanks again for doing this brother 

CLINT: No prob sister

Thanks very much to Clint for being our first Guest Reactor! We hope he has time to join us again further down the line. I mean hopefully it won’t come down to the end of the line. Which is a reference Marchae would understand IF SHE’D WATCHED THE WINTER SOLDIER.

Anyway. No promises, but maybe a Spider-Man: Homecoming reaction is in the cards, though if we want Marchae to watch it we’re going to owe her two or three Reactions to things she chooses. Watch this space. In the meantime, you can follow us on Twitter.

[jamoopxles]

100 Questions NO ONE ever asks!

I was tagged by my bffe @pixeloasis

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Usually closed. I used to sleep with it open but my dog kept going in there to sleep and got fur on everything.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Nah. I have baby fine hair so like, my shit sensitive.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Out! My feet get claustrophobic if I can’t move them where I want.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

Yeah. Back when I lived in FL, we had like three hurricanes in a row and I stole our own street sign because I was such a rebel.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

Sure?

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

No, I always see coupons after its too late lmfao.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

Bees. I could at least jump in water. A bear can go in water. 

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

YES. AND I LOVE THEM.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Yeah. But I hate my smile sooo.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

PICKY FKN EATERS.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

Lmao no because I’d hit like a trillion at work. 

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

Lmao yes. Camping, duh.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

I can’t poop anywhere but home. If you wana know why you can always ask.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

I do that shit just to embarrass my friends what are you talking abt lol.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

Nope, just my nails, lips and insides of my cheeks. 

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Does this mean sex? Or just like actually sleeping? if sleeping, do dogs count as people? I think they count as people. 

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

NOT BIG ENOUGH. Queen.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

You’re Welcome - Dwyane Johnson. 

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Sure.

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

If you don’t watch Archer or Regular Show we can’t be friends.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

Anything with Nicholas Cage because I fkn hate his face. I really don’t have a reason either.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

I’m not clever enough to hide shit.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

Shweet tea. 

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

Buffalo Sauce or die. 

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Spaghetti

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

The first Pirates of the Caribbean. Will Turner forever. <3 and Grease.

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

My Fiance.

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

Nuuupe.

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

How much money we talking here?

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

I used to have a pen pal in like High school.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

If I didn’t my Fiance would kill me.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Lmfao I drive like a granny sooo.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

Nuu.

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Italian Sub. Or Po’boys. All the po'boys. 

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

Egg Sammich.

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

12:00AM.

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Most days.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

So much shit lmfao.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Monkey!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

English. I know bits of Italian and Spanish but I’m shit lol.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

Nupe.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

Tbh I didn’t really play with either? Idk.

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

I can be, esp if I know I am right.

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

I don’t rlly give a shit.

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

I used to watch TVD and The Originals but yaaaknow. They pissed me off. 

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

Nuuupe.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

Yaaaaas.

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

Just to embarrass people.

50. EVER USED A GUN?

Yeee.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

Family photos at JC Penny! Keep it real, yo’.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

I love them. 

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Yes because I am like always broke lmfao.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

OMGYES. I neeeeeed.

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Cherry or Lemon.

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Astronaut. 

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Sometimes when my shit goes missing.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Yesss.

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

TRYING. I took mine today tho so don’t worry folks. 

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

I am wearing some rn omg how you know me.

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

I have an awesome one but like, I always find it’s too hot? idk.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Shorts and a tanktop.

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Blink 182.

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

Walmart because it’s closest but if I could, I’d hit Target all the time. 

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

Nike.

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Cheetos.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

Sunflower Seeds.

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

Nuuu.

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

Nuuu.

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

Not really. He’s doing his own thing.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Yeee.

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

hahahahah I can’t spell for shit.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

All the time. Like I literally cry all the time. When I laugh, yawn, actually cry, I mean like everything.

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

Nah.

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

Nupe.

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

Nah. I used Candles.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Mmmhm.

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

Uhh omg idk. Everyone. Lmao.

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

Reel Big Fish & Goldfinger

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

Both.

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Omg don’t make me pick one. 

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Snickerdoodles.

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

Yeeee. I’m a mermaid. 

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Yeah.

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

LMFAO. No.

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

I plan on having a DJ but a Band is nice too.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

I’m too competitive not to.

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

I wish. I could use bigger boobs and have my double chin to disappear.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

They’re both gross.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

Crochet. I’m not good and have to learn on my own because I am a lefty.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

Den.

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Eventually.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

n/a

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

I dated this dude Ben for most of my high school years.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

I know people that do. Just not me.

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

When I get married I’ll have a step-son.

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Eventually. 

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Blueeee.

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

Yes.

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

@teekapoa @nerdiesimmer @littlepxels

[vanvelding]

Detained

I quit watching Enterprise halfway through the first episode back in 2001. Now I’m watching it for episodes that allegedly have to do with the Temporal Cold War. It’s Detained today. 

 HOLY SHIT, Mayweather episode.

Goddamnit, Archer’s here!

Mayweather: I’m glad I broke out, but as a jail it’s terrible. Suliban Prison only gets a ‘2’ on Yelp!

...with special guest star DEAN STOCKWELL.

You see, he and Scott Bakula were in Quantum Leap together and now they are in the same thing here. Because I recognize them together I am happy for entirely reasonable reasons.

I suspected that this was going to be a post-9/11, Guantanmo Bay, Gitmo, islamophobia plot and I guess it is.

Enterprise dares to ask, “Is imprisoning...innocent people...bad?”

Chuck-Tuck is the worst: “A VuLcAn LaWyEr?!??!???!1 That’s as BADAS a death SeNtEnCEEEE>>>>!” Fuck this guy.

After twenty episodes Archer has learned that if he holds out his hand and the other person put their hand out, it is THEN okay to grab their hand. Wait for it, bro.

Also the food is bad, the discipline is unyeilding, and it’s a bit dog-eat-dog, but guantanmo bay, this isn’t.

Well, The Tandarans are dicks who’ve what done an internment, but at least they’re, like, the first generally multicultural political entity we’ve met in Star Trek besides The Federation.

I’m super-surprised Archer doesn’t throw ‘regulations’ back at him when it comes to discussing the Suliban. This is a matter that should be handled between the Tandaran and Earth governments. The notion that Dean Stockwell would take it upon himself to interrogate Archer for no reason and spoil relations with an ally in fighting the Suliban Cabal is insane.

“I don’t like being strong-armed.” Seriously Archer, you can do a lot more as a free man on The Enterprise than from inside of a prison. This is bullshit and you’re an idiot.

LOL, archer literally drew the compound from the establishing shot.

OH MY GOD, ARCHER YOU CAN WORK WITH THE TANDARANS AND APPLY DIPLOMATIC  PRESSURE TO FREE SULIBAN YOU FUCK!

Yeah, Archer. I thought you decided not to interfere with other cultures and--’I DECIDED TO IGNORE THAT’ IS NOT A GOOD REASON TO IGNORE THE PRIME DIRECTIVE YOU JUST CREATED YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!

Sajen is talking sense. This plot is bullshit.

Huh. Hey, Enterprise, was your stupid plan...stupid???????

Nested double “Black people can be racist, too” trope in this Sajen/Mayweather conversation. Outstanding.

There are so many issues with everything everyone is doing that it’s amazing how few fucks this episode gives. People are just doing stuff because they want to and no one has a logical, consistent motivation, other than Archer being kind of angry that the Tandarans are being mean.

Huh. Mayweather was a likable character for about 5 whole seconds there.

I think Reed fucking killed those dudes. I know they’re trying not to do the thing where the good guys kill people with impunity or whatever, like with the watchtower having the legs blown off of it, but they are. Those people died and the things the heroes are doing is lethal and asking me to think it’s non-lethal is bullshit.

This isn’t about anyone’s rights. It’s idiotic. It’s soft-peddled. It’s so agonizingly toothless and pointless. I appreciate that there isn’t Deanna Troi at the end telling us everything will be okay—it’s a bit more nuanced than that—but it’s still not good.

Ugh. The first minute of the next episode has Archer keeping people on his ship so they have to listen to him apologize. Ugh, this guy.