#but yeah idk this line always irks me a little

[snowshinobi]

"there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all" says DCFC, like that's a bad thing. as if forgetting isn't a soothing balm to a battered mind. what exactly were you hoping for? the door to slam behind you? passionate proclamations? you want stress, my guy? you want broken hearts? a love that slowly fades is a love that glides past you, like the tail of a cat that has finished nudging you. it lets you process its passing gradually rather than dumping the feelings on you all at once. like, god. that sounds like a relief. it is a kindness to be left wanting. no open wounds to lick. just a heavy heart to cradle in your hands. and it wakes up feeling new. like there was no pain at all. how is this a bad thing, Deathcab. how is this not the best case scenario.

[whilomm]

once again the new episode of dungeon meshi is 99% YES AMAZING GOOD with one Tiny Little Thing that irked me. today its the way they did this scene:

with the caveat that i dont know which one is more ACCURATE to the original japanese, i just loved the phrasing of "youre missing the point!" "no, thats EXACTLY the point!" so much. in the english dub, its instead "THATS where your mind goes?" which. idk, just doesnt hit the same way?

with "the point", it kinda feels like an encapsulation of how people see laios and dismiss him. people constantly see laios as being unobservant and having bad priorities, but this is a moment where he is asking an EXTREMELY practical question. while everyone else is concerned with the implications of this, laios accepts the premise and moves on to the logistics. seriously, how fucking hard is it gonna be? they think hes just being his usual weirdo self thinking about eating dragons before saving falin, but no, hes just doing the math and saying "shit, it would work but are we even CAPABLE of that?"

yeah, the way he says it isnt the most tasteful (lol), but the immediate dismissal of his question as "missing the point", just like laios always misses the point and misses social cues and misses subtex, before him showing that no, hes thinking several steps ahead of everyone else while theyre worried about small stuff like "cannibalism" and "eating their friend".

and i think just having the line being "youre missing the point!", "no, thats EXACTLY the point!" just kinda gets to the heart of a lot of stuff. again, idk which is closer to the orig, but this is one of the lines i remember the most from this series, and it was a specific moment i was looking forward to. just kinda sad that the english dub has it just be a couple of lines that fall really flat for me

(also, personally, i dont feel like the animation properly conveyed these panels. they did SO much sick ass animation in these eps, and i kinda just wish it woulda better portrayed "one of the very few times laios shows his anger", its KIND OF a joke panel, but its also REALLY not. its a huge character moment i think and i wish they woulda drawn it out a bit and made it a bit more serious.)

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

The amount of Willow hate I’ve seen on this blog is upsetting idk. Like as a lesbian who heavily relates to sunlow it ticks me off when people are like Willow is boring she’s just nice sundew should be with someone else!!! Like ?? She’s not boring though?? Why do people in fandom think being kind = boring. Why is killing a man who threatened her life and tribe not enough for you. Good lord what do you want her to do she’s not a POV character and is miles more interesting than other romantic interests like Riptide.

And there’s so many other “kind” characters who get no hate?? Not all, but mostly women I feel. Why must it always be the lesbians/women in general who get dogpiled.. idk I feel like this is along the same line as fandom misogyny this fandom doesn’t talk about much- like people call Moon a Mary Sue when Darkstalker who has more powers than her is Right There but no one calls him that…? And Moon isn’t even a Mary Sue she has so many issues and tries to defend Darkstalker when she thinks he’s her friend.

And adding on to that people act like Silverspot and Burnet were awful parents like girl what did you want them to do they’d be killed if they tried to save their kids. Morally yeah it’d be good to save your kids but do you think that’s easy to risk your life…??

“Snowfox and Snowflake are bad rep” god forbid women plot against their cheating husband and shitty cousin. I love them.

Idk man I’m just tired this was originally just gonna be about Willow cus again it irks me and is honestly a little disturbing how much people will despise Willow. Idc if you don’t like her but the violent hatred I sometimes see creeps me out. That book made me tear up because I was so touched to see lesbian rep that was so similar to what I was going through so maybe I’m just taking it too personally but again idk man. Let’s all frolic in a field of peace and love on planet lesbians.

.

[ricksanchezbignaturals]

i rewatched s7e3 and the weird sort of straight washing that happened with unity was worse than i realized in my first 1 and a half viewings. so im here to be a little bit more of a hater lol.

okay so like fuck this bitch in particular

now, i understand that unity has appeared in the comics which i haven't read so it's possible there's some lore there that idk about, but here's the deal as i understand it and why this specific alien acting like the face of unity bugs me so much. this alien is part of a species that, as of the episode in season 2, was very recently assimilated by unity. so like im not sure why there's so much focus placed on her specifically. having her act as a representative of sorts made sense in the first episode, she was a president on the newly assimilated planet that rick and the kids were visiting. but like, that's it, right? it doesn't make sense to me why she would be any more important than any of the other, what? trillions of life forms unity has under its belt? like the only reason for her to be here at all is to be recognizable to the audience, which like, fine. i think it's a little dumb, but whatever. the problem isn't having her as a symbol (personally i think it'd be cooler to not have an entity like unity tied down to being primarily represented through one body but i digress), the problem is that she's treated like more than that in this episode.

this is a part i didn't notice until my rewatch that really irked me.

these are concurrent shots from the scene when rick shows up and starts spraying unity. we see it in virginia telling rick to take it easy through the body of this human, then we see it continuing the conversation from its spaceship in the body of the alien. i am like super not a fan of the implications of that. this alien is not supposed to be unity any more than any one of my cells is me, but here it's depicted as though whenever unity does something in any of its bodies, it's coming from this lady. and like, that'd be super lame even if it wasn't an obvious womanification of a nongendered entity.

now im no english major so i don't have an elegant transition to put here, but yes, it is time to talk about pronouns. yeah yeah, ik, trans person gets hung up on pronouns, bite me okay, it's relevant. i went back and watched the first unity episode to be sure id remembered correctly, and yes, in that episode nobody uses gendered pronouns for unity. morty says "they" which seems more to be referring to a number of bodies, and other than that, people mostly say "unity" or "it". as for the new episode i noticed rick using nongendered pronouns twice

but after that he goes with she/her for the rest of the episode

and yeah, i think that is pretty disappointing. i didn't catch that "it" until my rewatch, but the use of "them" did make me really happy but then everybody started she/hering it. the combination of all that emphasis being put on a female body and people calling unity she so much makes for an episode that manages to be significantly less queer than the one that came out in 2015. it feels weirdly cowardly after that "we're all a little gay" bit in the last episode and doesn't inspire much confidence in me regarding rick's relationships with nonwomen. like stuff can be gay if it's for a joke, but there's more money on the line now than back in season 2, so rick's ex lover needed straightening up.

idk. i still like the episode because im easy and focusing on rick's mental health and relationships always makes me happy, but man, i am certainly not happy with how they handled unity. they really did it dirty, watered it down to being pretty much just another alien lady.

(also to be clear, i am not trying to shit on the writers here. obviously idk exactly what went on, but im pretty comfortable placing the blame squarely on execs)

[sonicpilled]

Pull You From Your Guilt (Zombic AU)

Chapter Three

content warnings: detailed sh description (flashback all in italics, if you’d like to skip the graphicness that’s alright bc it is still understandable when skipped)

word count ≈ 4005

sonic+shadow angst an hurt/comfort

“He was happy he could be with Sonic again. There were so many things he had been dying to talk to him about. An apology was at the top of his list, but he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. For those three months without him, all he’d do was dwell on the fact that if he stayed on the phone, he would have never gone. Those quiet mornings where he stayed in bed and mourned, all he thought was I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.”

Erm sorry this took longer i got erm erm busy! because it took like a bit More than ch1 & 2 it is a bit longer. As a treat. But idk if that is awesome or annoying. hope u guys’d like it ….. Hope it is not too slowpaced too' plz give feedback i always love tha comments and critique and ya. ooc maybe more this time

It was noon now, as he woke up. He really didn’t get that much rest, but it’s not like it was a surprise. For those three months, Shadow’s sleep schedule was shit, anyways.

The rain hadn’t stopped, but was now a light sprinkle. The weather forecast had said it would get worse later in the day, though.

Shadow rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, yawning as he sat up in his bed. He glanced around his room, until his eyes stopped at the sleeping hedgehog in his bed. He stared a bit, watching his chest rise and fall. He sighed a little in relief, not knowing what he wanted to see or believe. Part of him wanted to see nothing there, like it had been for months. It wasn’t that he wasn’t relieved he could see Sonic again.

It was just the fact that none of this seemed real to him. He didn’t like this feeling of uncertainty. He hated being unsure of things.

He was happy he could be with Sonic again. There were so many things he had been dying to talk to him about. An apology was at the top of his list, but he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. For those three months without him, all he’d do was dwell on the fact that if he stayed on the phone, he would have never gone. Those quiet mornings where he stayed in bed and mourned, all he thought was I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.

Now, Shadow stayed there in bed, staring at him as he thought and absentmindedly pet his now muted blue quills. He thought Sonic would be upset with him for leaving him alone that night, but it was him apologizing for committing suicide. It didn’t make much sense to him.

Sonic woke up, slowly. He yawned, looking around the room as he stretched. He looked around the slightly messy bedroom, the closet disorganized and the papers all over the desk. Shadow was usually so tidy. He sighed, as he glanced at Shadow.

“…G’morning.” Sonic spoke quietly, mostly tired and still a bit confused. it seemed this wasn’t a dream or coma or whatever. He died, yet he's still here. He’ll shrug it off for now, even if it irked him.

“Good morning,” Shadow whispered softly with tired eyes. “I’m… glad you’re still here.”

A pang of guilt hit Sonic when he heard those words, for some reason. He frowned a bit, before fixing his face to a small smile. Of course his boyfriend would want him to return from the dead. He pushed the strange feelings of resentment deep down inside him, he’ll ignore it like he always does. He’ll focus on Shadow, for now. “Yeah, eheh… Me too.”

The ringing of Shadow’s phone stopped the both of them, Sonic letting out a little sigh as the other reached for the device. A total of 15 missed calls from Rouge, Amy, and Tails. Jeez, what happened? Shadow stared at the screen, as he answered the call.

“Hey, hon. I’m not going to yell at you for sleeping late again,” Rouge spoke gently from the other line. Various conversations could be heard from where she was, Shadow raised the phone to his ear, staring at the ground as she continued on. “You probably heard, but someone dug up Sonic’s grave. I’d tell you to not worry about it, but that's what we’re all doing as of right now.”

“…Ah. I see.” Shadow replied quietly. He tried to convey his surprise, but he obviously already knew this, as he glanced behind him at the said hedgehog. Rouge didn’t think much of his nonchalance, Shadow wasn’t always the type to ‘properly’ show how he felt.

“Everyones over here at Amy’s place, we’re thinking of what we could do. It’d be safe to assume this was Eggman’s doing, or atleast any other guy who hates that hedgehog,” Rouge talked less carefully now, now that Shadow seemed to be calm.

“Right. Hm. I’ll be right over,” The other spoke, looking away from Sonic and back at the wood flooring. He’d better go and console the others. Shadow didn't have to go and he certainly didn’t feel like it, as selfish as that might have sounded, but it would be… suspicious if he didn’t show up. Besides, the idea that this whole ordeal could be Robotnik’s doing isn't an outlandish assumption.

The phone clicked, and Shadow got up from the bed and opened his dresser drawer. He pulled some socks out, and put them on. “I need to go. I’ll be back.”

“Wha- You’re leaving now? well, where are you goin?” Sonic stood up from the unmade bed, watching Shadow start to put his shoes on.

Shadow paused. “Your… how do i put this… ‘return’ was on the news. The police believe your grave has been defiled. I'm going to meet with the others, they think Eggman has something to do with it.” He spoke with only a hint of uneasiness, walking over to his desk.

“Oh! Well, cant i come with? I mean, surely I can help with the confusion.” Sonic excitedly followed, the idea of seeing everyone again making him smile. He fidgeted with his hands, tilting his head as he waited for a response.

“No. You have to stay here.” Shadow spoke sternly, narrowing his eyes at his desk as he searched for something. He tried his best not to sound demanding, even if he was making a demand.

“…What?” Sonic started, a small awkward laugh coming from him as he watched Shadow find and grab his keys off the dark wooden desk. A little dark chao charm hung from the keyring. “Are you trying to tell me I can't see my friends again? That I can't see my brother again?”

“They wouldn’t get it, Sonic. You need to stay here,” Shadow spoke a bit less gently this time, crossing his arms. He turned to Sonic, his expression unreadable but clear he was going to stand his ground. “I just want to protect you.”

“Protect me? Chaos, Shadow, It’ll be fine. If you could understand this,” He gestured to himself as he spoke, “then surely everyone else can, right?”

“No, Sonic,” Shadow sighed, narrowing his eyes to the ground. “Have you ever considered what would happen to you when the public finds out a zombie rose from the grave? What the government would do to you?”

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Since when were you worried about the government? We’ve both escaped them a buncha times before,” he tried to persuade, as he went over to the slightly taller hedgehog. He waved his hands around as he talked, like he always did. Sonic hated feeling like he was being treated as if he was some fragile flower. His patience was wearing thin, but so was Shadow’s. “I’m not a little kid, y’know …I can take care of myself.”

“Clearly not,” Shadow replied harshly with a scowl on his face, slipping from the cool and collected tone he tried to keep going. He didn’t want to say what he was thinking, even if he already let something blunt come out. He didn’t want to be mean, even if they've had heated fights like this before. He didn’t want to say it, because he knew Sonic would hate it. “You've never shown that you could. You wouldn’t be able to prove it to me or anyone else, not even yourself, Sonic.”

“What?” Sonic took a step back, a hurt frown on his face. How the hell could he just say that? The rain outside was much more than a scattered sprinkle now, heavy raindrops making thuds against the roof of the apartment complex. His ears wilted, as he returned the angry expression. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shadow took in a deep breath, seeing Sonic’s reaction. He shouldn’t have said that. “You… You're reckless. I know you know that. I'm just trying to tell you that-“

“Save it. Just- Save it. I don’t know what the fuck you want from me, dude. I just- I need to get out of here. Right now,” Sonic interrupted gratingly, his quills raised as he clenched his fists to shut himself up. He felt like he was going to cry, and he didn’t want to cry again in front of Shadow. Sonic didn't want to feel weak, not in front of him, not now. Especially after Shadow had said the truth.

Sonic took another step back, shaking his head. He headed towards the door, scrambling to undo all the locks. Every little thing was starting to piss him off, as he swung the door open, and ran off.

Shadow sighed bitterly when he heard the door slam, pulling his jacket on as he headed out of his apartment. He wasn’t going to chase after him. Not after that. Shadow knew better. He took his motorcycle off the bike rack, then looked up at the gloomy sky. The heavy rain was loud, but Shadow didn’t care. His gaze was fixated on the wet road, as his mind wandered. He could only think about Sonic. He hadn’t meant to snap like that, yet he knew he couldn’t just keep those words in forever, even if it was harsh. Shadow hadn’t even noticed his heavy breathing, the rain muffling everything and becoming the perfect white noise.

He made his way to Amy’s house, outside of the city. The outside of her home was cutely decorated, the garden full of pink and red roses. Shadow left his bike against the cherry wood fence, walking up the stone path and knocked on the pink painted door. ‘Welcome!’ read the enthusiastic doormat, little hearts scattered along the border.

“Ah! Hi Shadow, glad you showed up,” the cheerful pink hedgehog greeted, opening the door wide before gasping at the other, who’s fur dripped from the rain. “Eek, I'll get you a towel so you don't catch a cold!”

Shadow nodded briefly, staring ahead as he stepped into the warm house. He glanced around, at the worried and confused voices scattered around the cozy living room. He spotted Rouge first, as she talked with Knuckles. Vector, Espio, and Charmy seemed to be in their own detective-like conversation. Tails was alone as he paced around, seemingly deep in thought, until he went into another room.

It wasn’t very likely Shadow would have to engage in much conversation. What would he even talk about? He knew where Sonic was, and he didn’t feel like lying his way through a dull conversation. He walked over to an empty seat on the couch, and sat there alone. Amy handed him a fluffy pink towel, and walked away. He sat there, his fur dripping wet as he slightly dabbed himself with the towel.

“To dig up Sonic’s grave, how horrible, even for Robotnik!” Someone gasped.

“He must be planning something, right?” Another questioned.

“Well, we should do all we can to get him back to his casket,” Someone else reasoned.

He sat there listening to everyone's different conversations, even if they were all almost the same. He couldn’t care less on the subject, he only cared about one thing right now. It's raining pretty hard, Shadow thought to himself, He must be freezing. He wished he didn’t say what he did , even if it was what he was thinking. He knew Sonic was strong, but his health was declining for a long time. He just didn’t want to lose another person.

The rest of the room turned to static to him, as he stared at the ground. He spaced out, for a bit, as he was deep in thought. He had no use there, at that place. They… didn’t need him there. So, he stood up, getting off of the couch he had sunken into. Blending into the walls, unseen as he stepped out of the house without a goodbye.

//

Sonic ran and ran, the rain pouring onto him and dampening his fur. He tried not to care about it , but he really did hate it. The rainwater ruining his fur, the loudness of the droplets hitting the ground, everything was overwhelming him. He hadn't cared to go and find his ripped gloves and shoes, only the bandages on his wrists stayed on.

But he had nowhere to go, now. He couldn't get shelter at anybody's home or anything, he was alone. He couldn't just show up after they've all been to his funeral, just for some protection from the rain. He didn’t have anyone else to go to for comfort.

He ran onto a hill, under a tree for some protection from the wet water. He threw himself onto the wet grass, squeezing his eyes shut. He laid there, hyperventilating as he started to cry. Shadow was right. Sonic couldn’t take care of himself. He never could. All the time he'd run and run away, and isolate himself whenever he was hurting. He could have gotten help whenever he wanted, he just never seemed to care about himself enough to take it.

All he did was make people worry about his health, and push them away whenever they’d try to help.

A few months before Sonic’s suicide, he was in his home. In the bathroom, the bottom drawer opened again, like it had been many times. It became a morbid routine of some sort, if that's what you could call an act that would be performed that often. Over the sink, as the water dripped and dripped, he held his arm over the ceramic bowl. Like the leaky faucet, he let the gentle red streaks drip from his wrist and down into the drain.

It was something he was ashamed of doing, because it eventually became an addiction. Something he relied on when he was feeling down. Something that eventually took his life.

Sonic took in a deep breath, staring at the bloody water in the ceramic sink. He glanced up at himself in the mirror, with a little sigh. He hated that he was still doing this, but how could he stop now? He held the gillette razor blade up to his worn out wrist once again, until he heard the jangle of keys, and the sound of unlocking, and he paused. He had forgotten. He had forgotten that Tails was supposed to stop by.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hearing the footsteps down the hall. When Sonic was in danger, real danger, he never froze. Why now? Carefully, he set the blade down on the counter. Now rushed, he bandaged his arm with a wince. Mentally scolding himself, as he heard those words that he had already heard before.

“Sonic… What did you do to yourself?” His brother spoke fearfully, his footsteps stopping as he stood in the doorway. Shocked, yet knowingly, as if he was aware of the fact that Sonic had been cutting himself. Sonic huffed, opening his eyes carefully as he glanced at the small fox. Bandages in hand, his arm messily wrapped up.

“Hey, bud,” Sonic spoke carefully, gripping his bandaged arm to halt the blood. His tone was one of consolation, even if he was the one hurting himself. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do this, look-“

“Sonic, No,” his brother interrupted, an uneasy frown on his face as he stepped into the bathroom. Tails was young, but he wasn’t stupid. He shook his head silently, carefully grabbing Sonic's arm and inspecting the injury.

“Promise me you won’t do this anymore,” Tails spoke quietly. Sonic replied with a silent nod, though he’d break this promise because he had no self control whatsoever.

He was ashamed of himself. He was grown, too old now to have his little sibling worrying about him. How could he take care of his brother when he couldn’t even take care of himself? And besides, what good was it to bum out his friends? He was fine, what he was doing was under control. He didn’t want to be treated like he wasn’t okay. Saying he was fine and that he’ll stop would get rid of that treatment, so he did just that. He didn’t want to be pitied.

He also didn't want to think about any of this much longer. The past was the past. He’s dead, and there's nothing he could do now but cry about his wrongdoings. Sonic sat up, shivering slightly from the feeling of the cold rain. Sniffling, picking at the skin of his gloveless hands in distress until he bled. The rain was loud, he could barely hear his sobbing, let alone his own thoughts.

Just then, a gentle hand came onto his shoulder.

Sonic glanced over, looking up at the dark hedgehog standing over him. He kneeled down, a little frown of worry on his face. Carefully, he wiped the mixture of rain and tears away from Sonic’s face. Of course Shadow would know where he ran off to. He always knew. At this spot, on this grassy hill with the old tree. It was usually warm, the perfect place to get away from everyone. It was different now. Sonic looked up at Shadow with tired eyes, as the latter took off his leather jacket and wrapped the former in it, protecting him from the upsetting sensation of the rain. Shadow sat down on the grass with his hedgehog, as he thought hard about what to say.

“…I’m sorry, Sonic. Truly, I apologize,” He began, his tone soft and genuine as he ran his fingers through that damp blue fur. Sonic took in a deep breath, the jacket not being very warm, but the gesture calmed him a bit. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. I could have acted differently, I should have been more calm towards you rather than harsh.”

Sonic nodded, staying quiet as he leaned his head against Shadow’s shoulder. He understood him, in a way. You can't hold in all your emotions now, can you? Shadow sighed, continuing to pet Sonic as he spoke, “I suppose I’ve just become worried about you. I’m sure that's not,, unreasonable, no? I feel as if… what happened to you… that I was at fault.”

Sonic frowned deeply, gently shaking his head. He pulled the black leather jacket tighter around himself, even if the rain was starting to die down. “…I see how you were thinking that. I’m really sorry. For leaving you to think something like that.”

Shadow softly kissed his head, his heart heavy. He didn’t want an apology, no, that was the last thing he wanted from Sonic. “Please don't say sorry for that. I just… I don't want to lose another person I love due to my actions. You're very dear to me, I don't want to lose you. Not a second time.”

“…I’m not her, Shadow.” Sonic spoke softly, a statement he thought he should make clear. He didn’t mean any malicious intent with his words, and Shadow knew that, as he nodded.

“I know. This is different. You’re different. It’s… It’s all different now,” Shadow replied, his voice soft. The sky was lightly speckled with gray clouds, and the grass was left with dewey remains from the rain, as they sat there together. The dead leaves now orange and red, as autumn started to come. They both have been in a derealized state for the past twenty four hours, though they've started to come to terms with what's happened. A second chance. Sonic looked up at him, accepting this as reality. Shadow glanced at his love, before leaning down to gently kiss him.

Sonic returned the kiss with little hesitation although he was drained, burned out, and still a little upset. He forgave Shadow, he did, yet couldn’t let go of the feeling that he’d be ‘protected’ by him a lot more later on. It did bother him, but he’ll leave it for another time. He… understood this treatment. It's not like he had anyone else now, it seems Shadow would be the only person that could understand his half-revival. He had died before too, to be fair.

It also seemed that Shadow was as messed up as Sonic was, now more than ever.

Eventually, they got out of there, running together back to Amy’s for the sole purpose of retrieving Shadow’s motorcycle. Running past the city, the city that seemed to be full of people in the streets and the sidewalks. Usually aware of their surroundings, but quick to ignore them when together. There was no plan, they both assumed they could just hide the fact that Shadow had a living corpse wandering around with him.

The two hedgehogs got to the cozy home, Sonic following close as Shadow did a quick check on his bike. Sonic gave only a quick glance towards Amy’s home, sighing a little. He pulled the slightly big jacket more around himself, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed, as he stayed close behind Shadow. He stepped along the trail of fallen leaves on the ground, frowning a little when none of them made a sound. Shadow watched him for a bit, until he looked back at the house, and gasped slightly.

It became obvious something had happened in that building. A window or two, shattered and cracked. The floral garden ruined, the petals of the roses trampled. The front door was wide open, and from what Shadow could see, the interior told a similar story. He took a cautious step forward, keeping Sonic behind him.

As he peered into the seemingly broken into house, Shadow narrowed his eyes. Sonic, equally as skeptical, looked around as well. Shadow glanced over his shoulder, to the hedgehog wearing his jacket as he carefully whispered, “Hey, stay here.”

Sonic frowned, watching as Shadow took a step closer to the doorway. To put it lightly, the once decorated and lively home was trashed. Paintings and photos that were hung up were either crooked or shattered completely on the ground, lamps broken and stains, or splatters, of crimson red on the carpet and wall. Shadow’s eyes darted around the place, completely confused. He had hoped the liquid wasn’t what he thought it was, as he took one step back. From what Shadow could see, there seemed to be nobody in the house, except for a couple of figures behind the sofa that he couldn’t quite make out.

Then, Shadow squinted, as his fur became bristled. Now, he saw. Now, he saw the twitching thing hunched over a pink hedgehog that laid still, as it looked up at him with her blood on its face. As soon as he made eye contact with that thing, he picked Sonic up bridal style with one swift move, and rushed out of there. Sonic, who yelped in surprise, looked over at the house behind them as they got farther and farther away. Bewildered, he held onto Shadow tightly as their surroundings became a messy blur.

“Shadow, wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on!” Sonic spoke hurriedly, watching the evacuating crowd in the street. His eyes wide, as the people of Westopolis were fleeing away from the direction of the cemetery. Things that looked to be corpses followed after. Shadow zig-zagged through the chaos, holding Sonic close. He didn’t like his silence, especially now. “What happened? Shadow?“

“…Something you wouldn’t have wanted to see,” He replied softly, a frown on his face as he skated past it all. Ambulance sirens, screaming, and the clamoring sound of panicked running. The gray sky that was still miserable long after the rain, the smoke seeping into the air from the car wrecks, and the bodies of those who weren’t fast enough that laid lifeless along the sidewalks. He ran through it all, because for that moment, he only cared about the hedgehog in his arms.

Sonic’s ear flicked, turning his gaze from the panicked pedestrians to Shadow, who was staring straight ahead. “Shadow… Who?” he asked softly, yet received no response. Shadow’s silence only induced his anxiety. “Who?”

Shadow only held him tighter.

weel tats all… hope the projection isn’t too real here and err… ya! Now it’s getting to the early middle sooo! yay!

[zenballmaster]

i have come back from seeing the movie a second time and i have. predictably. still more thoughts. spoilers (poses)

i felt the five's absence a lot more this time around orz like occasionally my mind would wander and imagine how this scene/interaction with zhen would go if tigress was there as well. also having a vague headcanon from The Olden Days that monkey has a very slight background in Less Than Lawful Crowds means i also sometimes thought about him seeing this den of thieves and being like. 'huh'

some things stuck out a bit more as a retread this time around than the first time, in particular the continued insistence on juniper city being so Huge when it's like. well. not that much visibly Larger than gongmen city was

like po's 'wooooah that's the biggest village i've ever SEEN' makes me want to put my hand on his shoulder like. 'po. honey'

i really really love seeing the nearby Outside of the valley of peace bc it's honestly just Gorgeous and feels very ghibli hills-esque ;-;

i still enjoy the chameleon and still feel like she has a very fun and intimidating presence despite being so small (i think a chunk of that is her VA tbh i love love her voice ghfieo), but i kiiinda feel like for as threatening as they try to make her, we really needed to see her do something more physically ominous and/or Nefarious than push someone down the stairs orz

ALSO related a little but tbh the times when we do get to see po and the chameleon talk to each other i feel like they have a good hero-villain chemistry and an intriguing Issue between them but. yeah they don't. really interact face to face hardly At All, and that interesting conflict they potentially have isn't really given any time to develop or be really dug into. also idk that it totally matches up between them, either thinking emoji

speaking of conflicts that aren't really explored to the depth i would personally be satisfied with-- while the idea that po already is being pushed into choosing a successor to replace him irks me more than it did the first time (rip), i do like the notion that's brought up of 'who you were will always be a part of who you are/become' and how it sorta lightly touches on the idea of grieving the person you once were, even if who you're becoming is an even better version of yourself than before

the final fight with the chameleon is more intense than i remembered it being

i'm more invested in zhen and han than i already was lmao also i feel like. there must have been More to zhen's betrayal down the line than just abandoning them for the chameleon's cold wealth. i wonder if the chameleon had zhen Do Something Personal in an attempt to further dissociate her from her old found family

i really enjoy han's deadpan 'those are both very common names' line for some reason

granny boar should be another rival to grandma panda. she can't reserve all her annoyance just for mr ping

po's disembodied head floating in space will never not immediately make me lose my mind. i laugh every gd time

aaand lastly there was a family with one kid sitting somewhere to the right of me and it was so so cute hearing her laugh at some of the jokes ghfhifoeoi

[yeetthedragon]

oh hell yes i love this series rant incoming prepare yourselves

there’s only so much that is able to be shown in a tv series adaptation of a book. shadow and bone managed to squish another plot line into the main plot, with a new set of characters and problems. this is not me saying that the show portrays these characters, their personalities and their struggles and joys and trauma, terribly. in fact, coming from someone who’s read both series, i think they did it wonderfully for all they had to work with.

s&b is by far the best book to tv series adaptation i have ever seen: everything from the casting to the portrayal of the world and world-building to the writing is near perfect. there’s almost nothing more i could ask of them. twice i was wondering how they were going to manage both the six of crows and shadow and bone plots and characters in the show, the eight episodes per season we get. and i was never let down.

sure a couple things could be better, or could’ve been explained more, like the list above highlights. they did change the rating before season 2 came out, from TV-14 to TV-16 (i believe to accommodate the extra gore), and with that came new opportunities for what they could show. i believe that if they really dove into it and portrayed everything mentioned above, book fans would be that much happier. not saying we aren’t happy; every time i see the crows on-screen i’m thrilled we were able to get them in this show.

i do understand what op is trying to do above. by explaining certain plot points and highlighting differences between the books and the show it gives non-readers the opportunity to really get the whole story as best as they can without necessarily reading the books. god knows i’m guilty of going on and on about the differences themselves. but if the show portrayed everyone’s trauma and struggles and whatnot from the books, it just wouldn’t turn out well. the pacing would be thrown off, the lines between main and side characters would be blurred and crossed, there would essentially have to be more than eight episodes to tell the whole story. and while that may not be an obvious problem, it ties back into how the pacing of the show would be slowed. basically if every single character had as convoluted a backstory in the show as they did in the books, it would just be too much.

also i know leigh said the show is more or less like a high quality fanfic of the books but idk something about that description irks me when i see other people say it. they’re two separate things and the same thing, at the same time. idk

all in all, this story is incredibly dark. it gets really intense in the books. like, REALLY. the books themselves are YA (at least, i consider them YA), but leigh really pushes the boundaries of what YA typically is. there are definitely things that aren’t going to be included in the show, not only because of the rating or budget, but because they’re pretty much telling two stories that flawlessly roll into one. which, as a writer myself, is quite hard to do. hopefully the show encourages people to go out and read the books, because they’re so so good. but yeah. you can believe that by not showing the characters’ deeper personalities beyond the main problem at hand, or by “erasing” their trauma, the writers were purposefully ignoring just how well-rounded these characters are. i can’t make you believe otherwise. but the way i see it, it’s not erasure. there just simply isn’t enough room to include every single little detail from the books. who knows, maybe they’re working on a spin-off series for the crows or a third season in which these problems can be addressed or resolved. but people always find something to complain about, and frankly it gets tiring. yes, as someone who thoroughly enjoyed the books it would’ve been super cool to see certain things on-screen, but i’m happy knowing that the books explained everything well enough

for people who haven’t read the shadow and bone/ six of crows books, but have seen the show:

- inej ghafa is a survivor of childhood sex trafficking. she has ptsd and reacts in a panic attack at even walking past the menagerie

- kaz’s trauma isn’t just pekka rollins being responsible for jordie’s death, and waking up on the barge. he had to swim to shore, age nine and barely alive, using jordie’s body as a float

- the darkling has done far worse things than are shown on screen. he is not a ‘lost man’ and alina is not his ‘balance’

- alina was seventeen upon the darkling being nsfw/ romantic with her

- matthias helvar did not lead drüskelle, that was jarl brum- matthias is only just barely an adult himself

- the crows are not their own separate gang, they are part of the dregs, who per haskell leads and kaz takes over from haskell after haskell sold out his lieutenant (kaz) to pekka rollins

- zoya, genya, and alina have personalities outside of either being traumatised or hating each other

- alina never wanted any of the power and fame and idolatry, and in the end of the books is stripped of it all. she is very happy about this

- jesper is a gambling addict and somebody who watched the death of his mother

[scoopsgf]

im really conflicted with lorelai because on one hand, she raised her daughter by herself after becoming a teen mom and basically got her life together on her own. on the other hand, she’s not a great parent- i hate to say it but if lorelai fed her daughter junk food and was flaky as a mom, but great as a best friend, most people around her in the real world would question her parenting style. i get that her relationship with her parents is unstable due to lasting traumas but the way she treats her parents even after they paid for rory’s school irks me. she didn’t treat max right, she wasn’t always great to sookie, and it’s just a multitude of things that make me appreciate her, but not like her.

hmm… i can see this, but i feel like lorelai gets demonized for a lot of normal, little mistakes that most parents and people in general make. coming from someone who wishes that they had a lorelai for a mom, i’m more willing to look past the tiny infractions. the junk food thing is purely for comedic effect so i really don’t take it into consideration when i judge lorelai’s parenting skills (plus we see fruits and vegetables in their fridge on multiple occasions, and while lor and rory often go out to eat, rory could easily order like, a salad from luke’s if she wanted. he’d be happy to make that for her, meaning she does have access to healthy foods, not to mention her chilton lunch meals are definitely nutritionally balanced). anyway, i wouldn’t call lorelai a flaky mom at all. in fact i’d say she’s almost overly invested in rory’s life: she always wants to know what’s going on, she goes out of her way to make sure rory has what she needs, and she’s constantly trying to maintain an open line of communication with her daughter. while she doesn’t always go about this the right way, it’s her intentions that really matter—she wants rory to know she can come to her, that she can trust her. she makes rory dresses from scratch and fills their house with books and music and goes to business school so she can make a better life for them. she puts aside her pride to ensure that rory’ll have the best education possible. yeah, she can be selfish and immature at times, and she screws up, but so does everyone and that’s literally the point of the show: all the characters on gg are meant to be realistic, they’re meant to frustrate the audience at times and piss people off, because that’s just human nature. no one can be perfect, but lorelai is definitely a really great mom. she just has deep-seated issues when it comes to things like boys and intimacy and secret keeping, which given her upbringing is kind of hard to put her down for (though it does drive me crazy at times). anyway yeah, idk, my point is that of course she can’t be perfect but compared to a lot of moms (both in fiction and irl) she does pretty damn well.

[soft-potatoe]

Okay unpopular opinion and spoiler alert, but i really didn't like the new Wednesday series. The aesthetic was very pretty and well constructed i give it that. But the plot was basically a fishing net, the dialogues were really bad and the characterizations weren't believeable at all.

The show in general feels like it was filmed for the plot, the dialogues feel so forced and unnatural, but that would be okay i guess if the plot was at least well written. I really liked uncle fester and i think he was maybe one of the most memorable characters out of this whole thing but he obviously just showed up randomly for one episode just to give the fans uncle fester.

Same with the school director hating Morticia ( first of all chlichee and boring af and if she really hated her she could have just not accepted her kid into her school) they only wrote that in to stirr the plot pot a bit and raise suspicion around her to tension it up a bit.

Also it was filled with so many overused tropes, the mean girl that the pick me girl character hates just because girls always hate each other, the love triangle between an average white artsy guy, an average white barrista guy (they literally said coffee shop au) and a girl that showed no romantic interest in either of them. (Worst of all: none of the actors had any chemistry whatsoever with each other.)

The funniest thing was probably the whole wednesday getting her own special black school uniform just because she is the main character bit, they took that trope and shamelessly used it and i kind of admire that actually. Also shows how they just didn't give a shit about realistic worldbuilding.

(I mean cmon they could have given wednesday a normal uniform and let her dye it black herself or something like that would have made it so much more realistic than the school director just going "yeah well we resepct your commitment to your aesthetic and bc you are the mc we will let you be the only one at school to wear a different uniform eventhough that defeats the entire purpose of having a school uniform").

(Like seriously nobody complained about her having a diffefent uniform? I would have been at the directors ass if the new girl just got to wear a black uniform bc she felt like it, while i was stuck in an ugly blue one) .

Also this whole werewolf conversion therapy camp thing really made me a bit mad, bc this is something queer teens in real life suffer under and they just used it in a way that gave off major "remus lupin being a werewolf is a hiv metaphor" vibes idk.

Yeah so that was my little rant about wednesday. I think it's about as badly written and made as first kill and I also think it sucks that there are barely good written shows out there that are targeted towards (queer) teenage girls. As a former teenage girl myself I can confidently say that they deserve way better than this.

->another thing that really irked me wrong was that medusa guy getting turned into stone bc he saw himself in the mirror like tf. because MEDUSAS CURSE GETS BROKEN IF YOU LOOK AT HER ONLY THROUGH A MIRROR LIKE THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF HER STORY, legit this made me so mad lol, also i have so many more questions like how long did he stay as a stone, how did he manage to like wake up (i mean he was in direct sight line of the mirror everytime he turned human again he must've seen himself again and turned back into stone) and also why does a school that has many students like him not have like sturdy mirror covers in every bathroom to prevent this type of situation, this feels like an osha-violation

[kiwi-tai]

Listen, I LOVE your tis the damn season fic 😍 pleaseeee would you write an exile based fic for like noahxmc or Marisolxmc or honestly even more garyxmc?? I will name my firstborn after you if you do (jk no kids for me,,, but maybe like a cat or hamster)

wait anon your on to something here!!! this is big brain stuff! Kiwi is a cute name for a cat or hamster 👀 

to work with the plot I made this pre love island I hope you don’t mind also took some liberties with the mc thing, like it can still be mc but i used you so second person point of view, but its good promise at least i think so i really hope you like it <3

exile 

pairing: Noah x MC

summary: Noah lost you, no let you go—ok more like he made you go. But that didn’t mean he felt any good about it, especially not when he sees you with someone new.

note: Noah is a dick, is it my projected thoughts on how his route goes? idk, Noah just gives me the type to second guess his relationships and fuck them up so here is this fic 🤗 there are some lines that oof i get chills i love them its short, but honestly too powerful i had to stop (yeah im hyping myself up on this one i feel like i really did something here) anon idk if you wanted cute stuff but if you did this is such an angsty song im sorry if so. Also I posted this on my Ao3 too.

Ao3 Link

The champagne was being passed around, but Noah was itching for something a little stronger. The incessant chatter that filled the room irked him, he was too used to the calm quiet that filled the library where he spent most days. Even when he was off, school was still in session so he couldn’t spend time with his siblings and he spent most of his free days alone in his apartment reading or watering his plants. By choice, some would remind him, but he tried not to think of that despite how hard this night is setting out to be. He tried not to think of you.

Twinkling lights hung over head, the best man was clinking a fork to the top of his glass of bubbly. He sat alone in a sea of family and friends that were not his at the wedding of one of his close friends that he had happened to meet with you. Who he reminds himself he has to stop thinking about, but it's easy when he can busy himself with filing or logging information at work and especially hard when your perfume lingers in the air because you’re sat two tables away. Two tables away, a distance of probably twelve feet, but in reality it felt more like there was an endless ocean of murky violent water in between the two of you.

Noah’s world was once blended with yours so perfect and seamlessly—or so he likes to think. It is always so much easier to remember the memories in the glittering haze of nostalgia where everything feels fuzzy and warm. But maybe it had been. Maybe things were perfect and how they should have stayed. With your clothes in half his closet, your toothbrush in his bathroom, your notes littering the fridge and edge of the front door. Those were all gone now, except the notes, he always kept those. He still hasn't managed to throw them out; the brightly colored post-its still sit in a box under his bed with the pictures in frames that used to sit on the mantel. His sister had begged him to put them away, you’ll feel much better, she told him. 

But the man had found his worst enemy these days to be his mind, cruel and treacherous twisting up all his thoughts and anything he’d come by to fill him with reminders and images of you. He didn’t need the photographs when he closed his eyes, there was your smile. There was an old woman on the bus wearing a sage jacket, your favorite color. The little kids kept wanting him to read The Little Prince, there was your voice along with his reading the tale and making little voices as you went. Everything was you. Worst of all it's his mind that got him to where he is now. It filled up that ocean, added the sharks and sharp waves, threw in a kraken just for the heck of it. 

Who was Noah if not his own worst enemy. 

He really did hate himself for letting you go, making you go, he should say, but he doesn’t because you're the one who packed your bags, who picked up your things and scraped his apartment and his life clean of you. Until this wedding that neither of you could escape. The clash of two worlds, that had once been one. He just didn’t expect this. That person by your side. Their arm around your chair and their hand rubbing your shoulder. He felt sick, he hated it. He hated the sight of you with someone else. It was like some twisted nightmare. 

No, it felt like a movie he had seen before. He was never one for movies, but you loved the cinema and would drag him to every film you wanted to see. At first Noah thought he would struggle to stomach them. He didn't have a problem with sitting still for the two hours and some stories weren’t bad, he just missed the literary prose that came with novels. The eloquent words that would flow from a page that he never felt the dialogue of a movie could replicate. But he quickly found the beauty of the reflected projector light on your face, the twinkle in your eye as you watched. The flow of emotion these films caused you. He relished the sight of every laugh, tear, and jump as he got to see the beauty of these stories in you. 

This scene, however, was not from one of the movies he enjoyed. He liked the adventure films, even the rare sci-fi. He enjoyed the light heartedness that came with romantic comedies. He loathed the dramas. The deep shocking stories that would weld tears in the eyes of the theater goers. The raw moments like these where silence, even if it was only the one he created around him, echoed and prickled his skin as if it were a thousand needles. 

The groomsman and bridesmaid end their speeches as the band starts to play a song for the wedding couple. He should be watching his friend and their partner share their first dance, but the person you are with whispers something in your ear and you laugh. It was a sound he had been craving to hear since you had been gone, but the sound cuts at his heart and as you whispered back to them it only poured salt to the bleeding wound. It makes him angry seeing you like that, it was as if your world hadn’t shattered the way his did with you gone. As if this moment was easy.  Did your heart not break like his? Had you not spent nights crying as you read over poems and scribbled notes on the margins of books? Did it not pain you to walk the aisles and see someone that looked like him? To turn everywhere and see him in the faces of strangers, hear his voice in the sound of music, feel him in the wrinkle of bed sheets?

He is swallowed up in the rising ocean tide overtaken by the current and too far gone to notice anything but you and them. His fist clenched, making his fingernails dig into his palms. Noah would give anything to go back to a few months before. His mind, the instigator, fills his head with memories now. Every time he made you laugh louder than you were now. Every pretty little moment: the lingering kisses, the grocery shopping, the stolen touches, the times you spent with his family, all the times he fell deeper in love with you. 

It made him see red, a fury he wasn’t used to feeling, of maybe he didn’t want to admit he felt too often, as jealousy bubbled in his blood. He needed a drink. Noah bee lines to the bar to order himself a rum and coke, making sure to tell the bartender to keep the soda to a minimum. He could get through this night; he just had to calm down. He hated anger. The way it clung to him like wet clothes after getting caught in the rain— or after diving into the ocean head first in your best suit at your friend's wedding. 

He’s too caught up in it all to notice you till you order a drink beside him. Now you're so close he can smell the hints of lavender. It almost does the job of bringing him down from his clouded jealousy, but the look on your face as you turn to him resolves him to spite instead. 

“What is your problem, Noah?”

“I beg your pardon”. He’s better than he expects at feigning nonchalantness, it’s his pride, he thinks, if he can just get you to feel as bad as he does, maybe he might feel a little better.

“Don’t— I would very much appreciate it if you would stop glaring at me and date.”

“I can't look around the room?”

“You were staring.”

“Must have just been lost in thought,” he shrugs and he hears you mumbling to yourself. It’s your tell, it's how he knows he's accomplished his mission, you’re just as angry as he is now.

You fake a smile and thank the bartender as they lay down your drink on the bar. After taking a sip you sigh, but he spots the crinkle in your nose, still angry, “Look, this room is big enough for one of us to be on one side, the other on the other and then no one has a problem.”

Simple enough, but could he do that? He thinks he might just so he doesn’t ruin this wedding for his friend, but this sick twisted part of him doesn’t care. He hasn’t seen you in so long and though he wishes it were on nicer terms, if a screaming match is all he can get from you he’ll take it and hate himself later. “It's that simple, huh?”

“Oh my god,” you shake your head.

Noah leans over motioning to his chest, voice rising to a plea, “I’m sitting here with my fucking heart ripped out of my chest and you’re—” galavanting off with your date he would have finished but you’re quick to stop him.

“Oh, i'm sorry, Noah is me trying to move on after you— you broke up with me offending you?” You quirk your head at him and scoff, “Your heart ripped out of your chest,” it's a bitter laugh that leaves your lips now, not like the joyful one he had heard moments before and he kicks himself because he's dug this hole. Six feet deep in the ground, but god does he not want to lie in it. 

“Don’t give me your high and mighty crap right now,” you continue, “How do you think I feel? For me to pour out every fucking inch of my heart to you and for you to doubt that?” Your voice cracks and the tears start to form in your eyes, but you’ve learned to get the anger out first before they start to roll, “I moved out of my apartment when my lease was up. I got an offer for a job in Manchester— a real fucking good one, but you didn’t know that. No, cause I didnt even give it a second thought? Why when I loved my life in Romford? I loved the life I was building with you and I turned it down.”

You poke at his chest and the tears fall now, “No, Noah, you don’t get to sit there and be angry with me. You fucked this up.” 

He wants to reach out and hold you, you're so close now he could if he wanted to, but he doesn’t, knowing you’d just hate him further. He thinks of all the ways he could beg, cry with you, scream that he loves you. But as much as this felt like a scene from a movie, it wasn’t. He lost you way back in the end of the first act and there was no love confessed reunions to this film. Not like the romantic comedies. He was not the leading man. Some dark-haired suave Mr. Darcy type who’d get looked past for all his shitty fucking behavior because he’s here crying and telling you he loves you. 

No, this was one of those films that ends in tragedy. 

[d0llpie]

hey can i request prompt 47 with tanaka also super angsty like i want to cry

Miscarriage

tanaka x reader

Prompt: “i lost the baby”

Trigger warnings: miscarriage, heavy angst, like really a whole lot of painful angst just angst

a/n: thanks for the request, i hope you cry <3 I will be making a part 2 btw

wc: 2.6k part 2

You were arguing with Tanaka, again. It started when he came home around an hour ago, three hours past when you planned a date with him. It had taken ages for you to convince him to go on a proper date since he was always ‘busy’. You needed to tell him you were pregnant, wanted to celebrate with him. Instead you were left with 50 unread messages and Tanaka waltzing in the house as if nothing was wrong. When he came and kissed you on the cheek “hey baby” like nothing had happened you snapped. “Where the fuck were you Ryu?” you stood up from the kitchen bench and begun throwing accusation after accusation at him while he just stood shocked, belittling you for ‘overreacting’ at his ‘simple mistake’.

“Oh you want me to apologize for being stood up? Hm?” You throat felt raw from the screaming, desperately just wanting him to apologize and tell him about the baby so you could make up and move on. Tanaka, stubborn as ever, wouldn’t let that happen. “I never said that, you’re working yourself up, stop stressing yourself out.” His calm tone only irked you even more, he could at least pretend to care. “What were you doing that had you so pre-occupied? Or should I ask who?” he snapped his head towards you, visibly annoyed, at least you finally caught his full attention. “What the fuck y/n? Are you seriously accusing me of cheating because I forgot about your stupid date? You know we can go on a date any other time why are you acting like such a bitch right now? Fuck sake you’re so dramatic.” You fought back the tears in your eyes, slamming your fist down on the table “When was the last time we went on a date- a real one? I wanted to spend some time with you ALONE for once to talk to you, but instead you can’t even tell me why you were soo busy to even send me a text cancelling.” A few stray tears slipped out in frustration, but you continued to glare at him, egging him on further. “I was out with some friends Jesus y/n, why do you have to bring your insecurities into everything.” You were hit with a wave of nostalgia, he’d said that line to you when you started dating in high school.

“Tanaka, hey baby, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my class to eat lunch today, I want to tell you something” You smiled up at your boyfriend as he smiled back “Of course baby! I gotta go to practice, want to come watch?” he pecked your cheek quickly, smiling widely at you proudly “Oh sorry, I have to study for a text next period but I’ll see you at lunch!” his face dropped but the bell rang, signaling your next class “Bye Tanaka!” you waved cheerily as he walked back towards the gym.

y/n: Hi, I’m in my class for lunch now :) see you soon <3

read

You frowned holding the homemade lunch you had wanted to give him. After around 15minutes you realized he wasn’t coming. You went to the gym to see if he was there with Noya, you entered the gym and found them both watching Kiyoko with lovesick expressions on their faces, spewing out compliments profusely. “Tanaka.. hey” he looked over to see you in the doorway “Y/N, hey! What’s up?” you stood there in shock for a minute before clearing your throat “Um can I talk to you?” he looked over at Kiyoko who was ignoring Nishinoya before reluctantly making his way over to you. “How come you didn’t come to lunch” you frowned lightly and he sighed “Its not like you came to my practice either, plus, I was hanging out with my friends, don’t bring your insecurities into this I told you Kiyoko doesn’t like me.” He pouted and you felt your heart clench. “Do you still like her?” you whispered and although he heard you, he pretended he didn’t. You plastered on a fake smile before retreating to the classroom, ignoring his texts and calls for the rest of the day until he brought you a bouquet of roses the next day. It was your first of multiple fights over his obvious crush on his manager. Eventually you got sick of the fighting and sappy make-ups so you just ignored it, knowing he could never have her and was with you because he loved you. Right?

“Fine. I’m sorry for accusing you, I’m not sorry for everything else, why won’t you just fucking talk to me!” The exhaustion from fighting was catching up with you and you began to feel light-headed. “Because it’s not a big deal y/n! Wait-what’s wrong?” you sighed, leaning against the wall “It’s the fucking baby and this stupid fight what do you think.” You spat at him and he stopped thinking for a moment. “Baby?” you looked up to see him smiling nervously at  you “Yeah you’d have known if you hadn’t stood me up.” He pinched the bridge of his nose “we’re having a baby, can you let this go?” you scoffed, done with this fight you stormed up to your shared bedroom, crawling into bed and staying as far from his side as possible. You placed a hand over your stomach, softly crying into the pillow while Tanaka stayed downstairs, opting to sleep on the couch.

Noya: Yoo how’d y/n take it?

Tanaka: she’s pregnant

Noya: oh shit, what’re you gonna do

Tanaka: what do you mean what am I gonna do? Raise a baby I guess, fuck idk man

Noya: that’s tough, Kiyoko is staying at mine😍 pray for me bro🙏🏼😩

Tanaka: lucky, i’m on the fucking couch

Noya: sucks🥶

He sighed before turning his phone off, fuck.

The next day you woke up to breakfast in bed and a very happy Tanaka smiling at you, “good morning, how are my babies feeling?” you wanted to roll your eyes and stay mad but you couldn’t deny the way your heart fluttered when he referred to you and your child as his babies. “good morning ryu..what’s all this?” you were expecting an apology like usual, or at least for him to acknowledge what happened “You’re eating for two now I guess! When’s your next appointment?” he seemed really freaked out so you placed a hand over his “next week, are you feeling okay?” you pressed the back of your hand against his forehead, he felt fine just a little sweaty. “I’m good, want to go out for dinner after work?” you were hesitant but nodded “You’ll come right?” it’s like his mood did a 180 when you said that “What’s that supposed to mean” he spoke through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm and collected. “You know…yesterday?” he scoffed ��still hung up on that huh? You gonna berate me for every mistake I make when this baby pops out of you?” you were wide awake now “woah wait, I didn’t say that-“ “you accuse me of stuff, why can’t I do the same?” his tone was growing angrier by each syllable he spoke. You looked down in your lap, feeling your eyes well up with tears again. “Tanaka please stop” you whispered and he snapped “Yeah doesn’t feel great when you just want to stop but they keep going huh?” you don’t even remember why he was getting worked up, because you didn’t want him to stand you up again? You fiddled with your fingers and zoned out while he continued yelling.

You finally looked up when you heard the bedroom door close, breathing in deeply before hunching over as a sharp pain in your abdomen stopped you from making any big or sudden movements. You groaned out in pain, stopping Tanka immediately. Tanaka ran a hand over his head stressfully “are you okay? Shit. Uh, I’m going to call an ambulance” you groaned again “Call Yachi, she can take me I think we need some-“ tears pricked your eyes and you started to sweat “space, I’ll call you when I’m there.” You could see his eyes well up with tears. His hands were opening and closing, wanting to hold you but knowing better than to do that.

Yachi came over shortly after and lead you to the car. Tanaka saw the blood on your shorts and held his breath, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks. You were silent in the car over, crying softly and groaning in pain every few minutes. Yachi looked over worriedly at you, holding your hand and letting you squeeze her hand for reassurance. “Y/n don’t move ill get a nurse to help you out.” You arrived through the emergency section of the hospital and texted Tanaka

y/n: I’m going into the emergency room now

tanaka: okay, let me know what’s happening

He shut off his phone with a shaky breath, deciding to call his friends over.

Tanaka: Noya?

Noya: hey bro what’s up

Tanaka: Y/n’s in the hospital, can you come over?

Noya: What happened? Kiyoko is here man..

Tanaka: Bring her here, I don’t know what happened she started bleeding and crying

Noya: wtf? Did you hit her?

Tanaka: You know I’d never do that. I think it’s the baby…

Noya: We’re on our way, we have whiskey

Tanaka heard knocking and made his way to the door, he opened it to see Noya and Kiyoko there. “Hey, thank you both for coming.” he stepped aside to let them enter “So how’d the break-up go, is she okay?” he looked quizzically at Noya “You didn’t tell her?” he shook his head “sorry, we were watching a movie..” Tanaka looked unamused by Noya before turning to Kiyoko “We started fighting about me hanging with you guys instead of our date and she told me she was pregnant” Kiyoko looked at him disappointedly “You left a pregnant girl?!” it was unusual for Kiyoko to raise her voice but she felt horrible your you, she knew how much you loved Tanaka and she always felt guilty in high school for what you had to put up with, because of her. “What? No! I didn’t break up with her because she’s pregnant but now...I don’t know, she was bleeding and in pain and she’s in the emergency room now..” Kiyoko was restraining from slapping him, digging her nails into her palms. “Why aren’t you with your pregnant girlfriend, it’s bad enough you don’t love her and now this? You know a baby requires actually raising a human?” He dropped his head down, “I know, I already feel horrible…what if something’s happening to the baby?” he sat down on the couch, taking the bottle from Noya’s hand and taking a swig. “You can still raise a baby and not be together…” Noya spoke up, sitting down next to him while Kiyoko turned the tv on. “It’s not fair on you guys or the baby if you stay together.” He knew he was right, he’d been putting this off for too long, he settled for you and got comfortable with the live you showed him that eventually he stopped showing it back. He can’t remember when he fell out of love but he didn’t want to leave you, he loved you still he just wasn’t in love with you. Deep down you knew, you never let yourself think that for long though. Afraid you’ll end up leaving him, Yachi had tried to get you to leave before but you could never stand the idea. Lately it was like you were already broken up, two awkward college roommates. The idea of raising a baby with him scared you, you were so stressed and sick of overthinking that you passed out in the hospital after a few hours, forgetting to call Tanaka.

You stepped out of the car, hesitating to close the door as you breathed in deeply. It was around 4pm the next day and you had just been discharged from the hospital. “Do you want me to wait here?” Yachi asked from the drivers seat, her eyes were red and puffy, she’d been up all night holding your hand and crying with you. “I think it’ll be okay…why is Kiyoko’s car here?” your eyes stuck to the black car in the driveway that you knew was Kiyoko’s “y/n, i’m gonna wait here you should go inside hes probably worried…” you nodded before approaching the front door. Your legs felt like lead as you stepped up to the door, taking your key out and unlocking the door.

“Ryu?” you moved further into the house, seeing a passed out Tanaka on the couch across from a passed out Kiyoko. “Tanaka.” You said a little louder, making him stir.

Noya came into the living room from behind you “hey y/n, how are you?” he looked hungover and that’s when you noticed the empty bottles on the floor. “Hi noya- Tanaka!” you yelled this time, waking up both Kiyoko and Tanaka. “Y/n? heyyy, how was the hospital?” he yawned and sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes. You wanted to run to him and hold him, but you stopped yourself, trying not to focus on how tight your chest felt and the tears building up in your eyes again. “Y/n?” you heard Kiyoko’s soft voice from beside you and you broke down into tears, she caught you before you fell and moved you to the couch, rubbing your back. “I lost the baby.” You continued to cry as the other three in the room sat frozen. “Y/n, i’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry, I’ll come back later but I think we should go…Noya?” Kiyoko hugged you tightly before grabbing Noya and exiting the house.

Tanaka was silent, tears rolling down his cheeks. “What happened y/n?” he avoided looking in your eyes “they said it was because of stress…Tanaka I can’t take this anymore..” you sniffled looking in your lap. He looked up to see how tired and broken you looked, feeling his heart clench. “Y/n, I swear Kiyoko and Noya came over to hang out, I don’t have feelings fo-“ “It’s not about your feelings for her, it’s about your feelings for me…I need you to be honest” he gripped your hand, his lip quivering “I don’t want to lose you y/n…” “You aren’t in love with me Tanaka, i’m not stupid” you chuckled softly, rubbing the rest of your tears away. His silence said enough and so you stood up. “Y/n, don’t go” you scoffed “you can’t keep doing this to me, making me stay with you like this” you commended yourself on the way your voice didn’t waver. “I know, I know, but I-“ he stopped himself, knowing he couldn’t stop you. “I still care about you, I always will.” You nodded, cupping his cheek softly “I know baby, I love you Ryu.”

You walked back outside and sat in the passenger seat of Yachi’s car. You put on some music and she looked over at you before driving away, not asking any questions.

Tanaka sat on the floor of his lounge room, staring into his hands and crying, you were really gone and he couldn’t fix it, it was him who pushed you away anyway. It was him who had to deal with it now.

   a/n: sorry for writing this, i might make a happy ending part 2, send me ideas if you would like to see that <3

[xbaepsae]

same old mistakes (m)

“But it wasn’t that you necessarily regretted sleeping with Hoseok. No, you very much enjoyed it—maybe too much—which is why it was wrong. So fucking wrong.”

[rich boy!hoseok x reader]

genre: country club!au, smut, slightly angsty, some fluff

word count: 12.8k

rating: mature

warnings: sex. lots and lots of unprotected sex lmao (please use protection), slight rough sex, some jealousy, rich prick asshole jung hoseok, mentions of alcohol, language, golf terminology (i’m sorry if it’s wrong idk anything about golf LMAO) oblivious mutual pining lol

a/n: omg this fic absolutely consumed me these last few weeks. i haven’t been able to think about anything else, which is why i haven’t been super active lol. so glad i finished this before the upcoming valentine’s holiday and hobi’s birthday <3 loved writing this so much! rich asshole hoseok has my heart. xoxo

You have never felt more flustered in your life.

It’s the summer after your first year of college, and you decided to come home—to spend a little time with your mother and her new husband. Well, more like she begged you to come home. You actually wanted to visit your roommate’s family on the coast, and spend your days at the beach, but your mother insisted that you come home instead.

Now that you are home, she doesn’t even have time to spend with you. She and her husband are too busy vacationing; that should’ve been you. You can’t even bear to look at your roommate’s Instagram account. And worse of all, your mother signed you up for a job you did not consent to.

“You did what?”

Your mother blinked back at you, feigning innocence. “I heard from Mrs. Lee—you know, our neighbor down the street that attends the local country club—and she said that they were hiring for the summer. You know how rich people love their golf and fancy dinners.”

“And you just decided to volunteer me?” You couldn’t believe her. “I don’t want to work at some prissy country club.”

“Weren’t you just complaining about being broke last week?” She really did not need to expose you like that. “This’ll be good for you, honey.”

Thus, you found yourself standing in front of the country club not even a week later. They hadn’t even asked you to do an interview; you just talked to a manager on the phone and she said for you to just come in. Honestly, too suspiciously easy but what could you do about it? Your mother had been right—you did need the money.

When you arrived, you were immediately whisked away into training. There, one of the girls, Soyoung, fitted you into the uniform—a plain white polo and khaki shorts—and told you what you’d be doing here.

“So, there are a lot of different areas here,” she began, “as you can see from how big this country club is. So, you might find yourself working in different areas occasionally…but for now, you’re going to be on the course with the drink cart.”

Soyoung explained that as the drink cart girl, you’d be driving a golf cart around while handing out beer and other drinks to the golfers on the course. It seemed easy enough, except you’d never driven a golf cart before…or tried to sell people something. However, Soyoung assured you it was easy.

But that was about an hour ago. Since then, a lot has happened. You managed to get the golf cart to work, but it is considerably different from an actual car. The forward/backwards switches were tripping you up. Because of that, you already knocked over a display…or two.

Which leads you to your most embarrassing moment.

For some reason, you forgot that being back in your hometown means the possibility of running into people you went to high school with. The thought just didn’t seem to come to mind. Being off at university has made you forget about all of those idiots you used to be around every day. Until now, when you bump into one of them. Literally.

You really hadn’t seen him behind you; then again, you weren’t looking, which was probably not the greatest idea. But you blindly backed up and hit him. Not that you were going fast or anything, but he did cause an outburst.

“Oh my—fuck! Watch where you’re going!”

Horrified, you press onto the breaks. Turning around, an apology begins to fall from your lips. “I am so sorry. It’s my first time—”

“Y/n?”

You freeze at the voice; it sounds awfully familiar. Blinking a few times, your eyes focus on the person in front of you. And your stomach sinks. Standing in front of you is none other than Jung Hoseok—the last person you ever expected to see again.

He must see the recognition fill your eyes because he instantly smirks. “Wow, it really is you. It’s been a while, huh? Haven’t seen you since graduation.”

An awkward laugh passes through your teeth. “Yeah…it really has.”

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” his smirk seems to widen, and his eyes travel down to your clothes. “You work here or something?”

“Yeah…just started today, actually.”

He nods appreciatively. “Nice. Well, I’m here almost every day, so, I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

I hope not. “Sure.”

Just as Hoseok opens his mouth to say something else, someone calls his name. He looks away from you, and that’s when you finally allow yourself a moment to look at him. For the first time, you realize how long a year is and how much change can happen in that time frame. Even though it irks you a bit to think about, he looks really good—even in his damn polo and khakis.

You take in the curved slope of his nose, the way his brows are perfectly arched to match his equally perfect eyes. And you’re almost blinded by his pearly white smile. Perhaps, Hoseok has always been attractive—dark, windswept hair and all. You’ve just never wanted to admit it; even after that one—

“Catch you around, y/n,” he suddenly says, and that’s when you realize he’s caught you. He smirks and shoots you a wink as he walks away, leaving you to mentally kick yourself alone.

***

In high school, you and Jung Hoseok were in different crowds. He was preppy and popular—kind of snooty, to be honest—and you were just normal. Not popular, but not a complete wallflower either. Despite not being in the same circles, you both had a few classes together; which meant that you knew each other decently well. At least, you knew enough about Hoseok that you wanted nothing to do with him.

Except for that one, momentarily lapse of judgment, your conscious suddenly reminds you. But you’d rather not think about that right now.

Another thing about Hoseok that you knew of was his background; he came from money—a lot of it, actually. You don’t know exactly what his family does, but they’re those old money types; the kind of rich people that have been rich forever. Which helped to explain his popularity in high school, and how he had a country club membership now.

You wished you knew that before you got the job here.

As you drive around the golf course, feeling more comfortable driving the cart now, you may or may not be on the lookout for Hoseok. Now that you know he’s here, your eyes seem to search for him everywhere. And it’s not because you want to see him; you want to avoid him, if possible.

It’s not until you’re halfway through the course that you see him with a group of other guys, which—to your displeasure—are also people you went to high school with. It’s fitting though, you presume, considering they were all close then as well.

You don’t know anything about golf, but you watch as Hoseok lines up his club to the ball. He swings only once, and the ball flies. You follow where it goes and watch as it hits the grass and rolls right into the hole. His friends cheer for him as he turns around with a smug look on his face. “And that, everyone, is how you fucking do it.”

“Nice, man,” one person—who you recognize as Jeon Jeongguk—says, moving to pat him on the back.

“The motherfucking GOAT,” another—Kim Namjoon—laughs.

“Maybe you should just go pro or something, dude,” the last guy says, and you recognize him as Kim Seokjin. “Because you’ve hit an ace, birdie or eagle at every hole.”

Hoseok laughs at that. “Maybe I’m just lucky today.”

“Dude probably just had good ass last night,” Namjoon smirks. “So, who was it?”

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell, my friend,” Hoseok winks, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the banter between all of these men. Disgusting. “But if you really want to know…”

“Not you trying to get Hoseok’s sloppy seconds,” Seokjin speaks directly to Namjoon. “Because we all know how that went the first time with—”

“It wasn’t my fault Katie caught feelings,” Hoseok interrupts, walking back towards the rest of his friends. “I told her it was a one-time thing.”

Jeongguk struggles not to laugh as he moves up to line his club and ball. “And then you introduced her to Namjoon.”

“And she used him to get closer to…” Seokjin starts to say, but then he notices you. You’ve never seen someone straighten up so quickly. “How long have you been sitting there?”

“Long enough,” you say as three pairs of eyes turn to look in your direction as well. “Um, drinks?”

“Took you long enough to get here, y/n. I was starting to wonder when you’d arrive,” Hoseok takes a step in your direction, and you watch as the rest of the guys do a double take.

Namjoon is the first to speak, “Ah…y/n. Yes, I remember you…we had chemistry together, right?”

“Oh my gosh, you were in my calculus class!” Jeongguk exclaims, golf club still mid-air.

“I don’t think we had any classes together,” Seokjin says with a pout. “Because if we did, I would’ve remembered you for sure.”

For some reason, you feel your cheeks get hotter. “Um, thanks?”

You can tell they want to say more to you, but Hoseok shoots his friends a look you can’t see, and they close their mouths immediately. Turning back to you, he takes another step close to your golf cart. “A beer for each of us.”

“Aren’t you all underage—”

“No one cares here, y/n,” he cuts you off with a smirk. “Besides, Seokjin’s father owns this country club—we can do whatever the fuck we want.”

Shock passes through you at this news, mouth dropping at the realization that Hoseok and his friends might be more privileged than you originally thought.

“And we don’t usually have to pay for anything, but”—he fishes for something in his pocket— “here.”

You look down at his extended hand, where a crumpled 100-dollar bill sits, and practically gawk at it. Who carries such large bills around so casually? “What—?”

“Keep the change,” he stares you right in the eyes, and you have no other choice but to accept the money.

“Thanks,” you manage to say before reaching around to grab four beers from the cooler.

As each bottle is plucked from your hands, Hoseok is the last person to grab his; and the way his fingers accidentally touch your own seems like no accident at all. Although it was only for a few seconds at most, his touch leaves your skin burning. Burning for what? You don’t know; but it lingers the rest of your shift in a way that is so distracting, you nearly hit someone else with the golf cart.

***

“So let me get this story straight, you saw a guy you fucked for the first time in a year and now you don’t know what to do with yourself. Worst of all, his presence at your new job is going to be the death of you.”

You cringe at your roommates’ words. “God, why do you have to say it like that.”

“I mean, that’s who he is right?” her voice echoes through the screen.

She’s not wrong, but it still doesn’t sit right with you. “When you say it like that, it’s just weird.”

“Y/n, you act like you haven’t fucked other guys before.”

“Yes, but what happened with Jung Hoseok was a mistake,” you breathe. “It was never supposed to happen.”

Her pixilated expression softens upon seeing your clear distress. “I understand, babe. We all do things we regret.”

But it wasn’t that you necessarily regretted sleeping with Hoseok. No, you very much enjoyed it—maybe too much—which is why it was wrong. So fucking wrong. It wasn’t like he coerced you into that bedroom; you willingly followed him inside. And you can’t even blame it on the alcohol because you had been as sober as the day you were born.

It was graduation weekend, and everyone had come out to celebrate. You really didn’t want to go, but some of your friends forced you. Just enjoy the time we still have together, y/n, they had said. Ironic, because you no longer spoke to any of them.

Around the fire, behind the massive patio of someone’s house, drinks were poured and passed around. Even though you held a red solo cup in your hand, the murky liquid didn’t draw you in; you hated the way alcohol tasted back then. Still kind of do. But you simply pretended like you were enjoying yourself.

Every single part of you wanted to leave early that night, but you didn’t. You ended up staying because of Hoseok. It was something about the way he carried himself at that bonfire that night. Before, you never saw him as anything more than a spoiled brat; however, the flames of the fire seemed to soften him before your eyes. Because before you knew it, Hoseok pulled you away from the stares of everyone else.

You don’t even remember what happened—what you two talked about or didn’t talk about. But something happened before he kissed you. Unfortunately, it’s all a blur now.

After swelling your lips with, what seemed like, a thousand kisses, he told you he wanted more; and you told him yes. The memory of him rushing with you through the house and into a vacant room still burns hotly in your mind. You had been giddy with nerves and excitement as he pushed you against the closed door, sucking the air from your lungs.

Hoseok ripped your clothes off with practiced hands, clearly experienced with this, and made you come undone more times than you can recall. Throughout this whole exchange, not much was said; but no words were needed when he could read your body so well.

The both of you ended up falling asleep like that—tangled in each other’s arms. And when you woke up a few hours later to the rising sun, horror filled your veins like a shock of ice.

You left without saying anything. Not that you think he would’ve cared either way. Jung Hoseok seemed like he would be used to stuff like that.

You just never thought you’d see him again one year later.

But here he is.

***

During your next few weeks at the country club, you try your best to avoid Hoseok.

This, however, proves difficult to do since you can hear his laughter echoing everywhere. From the hallways to the range, you can’t seem to escape him at all. And it doesn’t help that his friends all seem to be around too.

Every time you catch even the smallest glimpse of him, you turn in the opposite direction. You aren’t sure if he can tell that you’re avoiding him or not, but you don’t care—you just want to get this summer over with already.

“Y/n!”

Turing in the direction your name is being called, you see Soyoung walking towards you. You offer her a tight smile, hoping she isn’t here to tell you that you’re in trouble or something. “Soyoung. What’s up?”

“Do you mind helping me clean up a little by the pool? I know you just got done on the range, but a girl called out and I could really use the help.” She gives you this sad puppy look, which means you can’t refuse her offer. So, begrudgingly, you follow her back outside.

In the hot summer sun, the large crystal blue pool looks like temptation. Soyoung notices your face and laughs. At her laughter, you realize you’ve never seen the pool this close. You pass by the canopy lined pool lounge every day, but you’re not a maid here or on lifeguard duty so you’ve never had a reason to linger very long.

“Looks inviting, huh?”

All you can do is hum in agreement as you begin helping Soyoung pick up disserted pool towels and throwing them into the hamper. As you’re bending down to retrieve a particularly wet towel on the concrete, the hot sun beating down your back is suddenly gone. You look up and notice there’s a shadow blocking the sun—a suspiciously familiar shadow.

Immediately, your back straightens, and you turn around to face a shirtless Hoseok. His hair is wet from the pool, which means beads of water are cascading down his chest. You try not to stare, but he’s literally so close; there’s nowhere else to look. Your eyes follow the towel in his hand as he begins to dry himself up, going from his abdomen before they travel down to the dark trail of hair that leads to—

You freeze and force your eyes back up, but the smile on his face tells you that you got caught—again.

“Like what you see?” His smile seems to grow wider at your expression.

You scowl. “In your dreams, Jung Hoseok.”

He leans down, face inches from yours, whispering, “If I remember correctly, that dream already came true…one year ago.”

Before you can say anything, he stands back up to his full height and brushes past you—his naked skin burning holes through your clothes. Once he’s a few steps away from you, you realize his friends were also there the whole time. Embarrassment burns your cheeks at what they might’ve thought, but their expressions remain too ambiguous for you to read as they follow their friend.

“I didn’t know you knew Hoseok.”

Your head whips towards Soyoung. “I don’t…I mean, not really. We just went to high school together.”

But your coworker doesn’t seem to buy it. “Really? I’ve been working here for a few summers and those guys have always been around, especially because Seokjin’s dad is the owner. I’ve tried to make small talk with them a few times, but they’re pretty intimidating.”

“They’re pricks,” you tell her. “Typical entitled rich boys.”

“I suppose so,” she hums, throwing the last towel into the bin. “Anyway, can I ask for another favor?”

All you can do is nod. “What?”

“I have another thing I have to do,” Soyoung starts, making you realize she works pretty hard here, “so, can you put these towels in the laundry room? You don’t have to start a load or anything; just leave them and one of the maids will wash them later.”

She slips the laundry room key into your pocket, telling you to give it back to her later, as she rushes off to her next task. Which leaves you to find the laundry room by yourself. After nearly ten minutes of searching, you find it tucked in a small hallway.

Opening the door, you push the dirty towel hamper into the room. You look around and see multiple washers, dryers, and a lot of storage shelves filled with miscellaneous items. You’re so caught up in looking around the room that you almost don’t hear the door close. At the sound of the lock clicking into place, you turn around; immediately, your heart starts beating faster.

“What are you doing in here?”

Hoseok leans against the door, no longer shirtless like before, and smirks at you. “I was following you.”

Like that’s not weird at all. “Stalker much?”

“Just wanted to know why you’ve been avoiding me, that’s all,” he pushes off the door, taking a step closer. You unconsciously take a step back, hitting the hamper.

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you lie.

He just blinks at you. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?”

You’re shocked that he can read you so well. “Okay, so what if I am avoiding you? It’s not like you should care. Just leave me alone.”

For a brief moment, something passes over his eyes; but the emotion’s gone before you can think about it. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“What?” Now, it was your turn to blink rapidly.

Hoseok takes another step towards you, severing whatever distance there had been before. His arms move to cage you between himself and the dirty hamper. Slowly, he leans down, making sure not to move his eyes away from yours. “I can’t just leave you alone—not when you’re the only thing on my mind.”

“What are you trying to say—” his hand wrapping around your jaw shuts you up.

“To put it simply, I can’t stop thinking about you—about that night after graduation,” he says, eyes swirling with a darkness you know all too well.

“But that was a year ago,” you manage to say through clenched teeth, and he loosens his grip on you.

His signature smirk lights his lips. “So?”

“I was drunk,” you lie again. “I don’t even remember what happened.”

“So, you’re telling me you don’t remember this?” One hand curves around your hip. “Or this?” Another wraps around your waist. “Or this?” He plants his lips onto your jaw.

You release a harsh breath as the memories of that night come flooding back. Heat begins to pool in your stomach from his touch. As he peppers kisses along your jaw and down your neck, your hands move to fist his shirt. Just as a moan threatens to leave your throat, he pulls away.

Your lips part in indignation at the loss of touch, and Hoseok just smirks even wider. “I thought you said you don’t remember?”

“I’m going to kill you, Jung Hoseok,” your frustration is through the roof.

“Tell me you remember.”

Right now, there are two sides of you fighting. There’s one part of you that wants to tell Hoseok you don’t remember a single thing—that you really had been drinking graduation night. But there’s an even larger part of you that wants him so bad—to feel the same high you felt a year ago.

So, you settle with, “But I’m working right now.”

Hoseok’s eyes turn obsidian as his smirk drops. “I’ll be quick.”

He pulls you away from the hamper and pushes you, stomach first, against one of the washers. Suddenly, you realize what’s about to happen and you try to force the dopey smile off your face by biting your lip. In one swift motion, he unbuttons and pulls both your shorts and panties down to your ankles. By the sudden coolness below, you already know you’re soaking.

And Hoseok must realize this too because you feel him swipe a long finger over your folds. You instinctively jerk back, letting out a moan at the slight pressure. “Hoseok—”

“Fuck, y/n, you’re so wet for me already,” he groans, using a second finger against your wetness. He slowly rubs your clit and you can’t help but tighten your grip against the cool machine. “Wonder if you’ve been wet since we saw each other earlier.”

You roll your eyes. Typical, cocky Jung Hoseok. “Of course not, you douchebag.”

“I beg to differ,” he hums, inserting a single digit inside of you. “So tight—just like I remembered. Tell me, y/n, has anyone else had the pleasure to fuck your pretty pussy after me?”

His words cause you tense for a moment, before replying, “Yes, asshole. I went to college. What do you think?”

“I’m thinking that I’m about to fuck you so good,” he starts and finishes with a whisper, “that you won’t remember any of them.”

If you weren’t already turned on before, you were now. Hoseok continues to fuck with his finger, slowly adding a second one, edging you until you’re a panting mess before him. “S-Stop teasing—I thought you said you were going to be quick?”

“I will be,” he promises, and you can hear him pushing the waistband of his swim trunks down. You’re dying to see his cock again, so you turn and nearly drool at the sight of his angry red tip. For some reason, he looks bigger than you remember and that worries you a little. “What? Think it won’t fit?”

You raise your eyes to look at his, and he has the sexiest expression on his face you’ve ever seen. “No. It fit before, right?”

He licks his lips as he brings his cock close to your entrance, brushing his head back and forth against your clit. You turn back around, arching your back more in hopes that he’ll finally just stick it inside already. But before you can get too lost in the moment, you gasp.

“What’s wrong?” He actually sounds concerned.

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, facing him again. And by the pained expression on his face, he doesn’t. You let out a frustrated groan at getting all worked up for nothing. You’re about to reach down for your panties when he pushes you back into place. “What?”

“Are you on the pill?”

“Yes,” you answer, “but the pill is only—”

“I’ll pull out,” he says. “And I’m clean, I swear.”

You look into his eyes and seeing the desperation in them makes you want to indulge him. “I’m clean too.”

Hoseok breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank fucking god.”

“You better pull out, or I swear Jung—”

You fail to get the rest of your words out because he slams his cock into you. And you’re right—he is bigger than you remember. He bottoms out at your cervix and you feel like a mess already. You both moan at the feeling of being connected like this again, after so long, and Hoseok keeps his promise and wastes no time.

He thrusts into you hard and fast, leaving you to do nothing but take everything he has to give. “Fuck, Hoseok—oh my god.”

Earlier, he talked about fucking your past sexual exploits out of you, but there was no need to mention anything at all; no one compares to him. They never had a chance.

“Shit, you feel so good wrapped around me,” he groans, digging his fingers into your hips.

And soon enough, you feel your orgasm approaching. It’s slow building, but it’s there and you want it. You figure you’ll just chase it yourself. Reaching a hand down, you find your clit and begin rubbing it. But just as soon as you feel yourself get closer to the high you desire, your hand is ripped away.

There is a sudden weight on your back as Hoseok whispers in your ear, “That’s my job, sweetheart.”

His fingers find your sensitive nub and you come immediately, screaming a string of curses into your arms in hopes that no one hears you. As you ride your high, you feel him pull out. With a groan, his cum spills all over your ass.

As you try to catch your breath and calm your erratic heart, you feel Hoseok pull his shorts back up and take a step back. All of the sudden, a strange feeling builds up in your chest. Is this what loss feels like? But you don’t have much time to dwell on your own thoughts because you feel a towel wiping your body.

You turn and see Hoseok cleaning the mess he made; but instead of looking down, he’s looking right at you.

“What?” you ask, sounding defensive.

“Nothing,” he says, and you hate that you can’t read people well. You wish you could know what he’s thinking right now.

After he cleans between your thighs, you pull your clothes back up your body. You still have a few hours left of your shift, so you hope you don’t look too much like a mess right now. Pulling your hair into a low ponytail, you feel awkwardness hit you like a truck. What are you supposed to say now?

“Uh…I have to go,” you can’t even look at him. “We have a meeting this afternoon…”

You don’t have a meeting, but you don’t know what else to say. But unlike you, Hoseok can take a hint and nods. “I’ll leave first…see you around…and thanks.”

He stares at you for a moment longer before leaving the room. You look out to make sure he’s a considerable distance away before you follow, ducking into the bathroom to check your appearance. Once you look into the mirror, you barely recognize the person you’re seeing.

The girl in front of you has flushed cheeks and sweaty hair.

You spend the rest of your shift daydreaming about what happened. In all honesty, your body aches in the best possible way. And even after your shift, once you get home and lay in your bed, you’re still thinking about everything.

Did you really willingly have sex with Jung Hoseok a second time? Once is a mistake, twice clearly means there was choice involved. What would your roomie say if she knew? You don’t plan on telling her—at least, not until you get back to school. If she knew you had succumbed to his charms this early in the summer, she’d chew you out for sure. Besides, you won’t let it happen again.

There will be no more slip ups this summer.

***

“Oh, fuck—yes. Right there…!”

You cling to the shelf as Hoseok fucks you from behind. Your legs feel impossibly weak from being in such an uncomfortable position, but you couldn’t care less right now—you just want to come.

“Don’t be so loud, sweetheart,” he groans through clenched teeth. “Don’t want to get caught now, do we?”

“N-No…but if you d-don’t make me c-come quicker, Hoseok…” you moan, and he proceeds to thrust faster. You don’t want to scream, but it just feels so fucking good for you not to. “I’m going to—”

Hoseok clamps a hand over your mouth as you come undone. Your eyes shut on their own accord as you scream into his hand, body shaking from the impact of your orgasm. He curses, probably from how tight you’re gripping his cock, but continues to thrust a few more times before pulling out and painting you in strings of milky white.

Once your body shops shaking, he pulls you up and presses a kiss onto your exposed shoulder. “You’re amazing.”

You can’t help but smile a little. “Thanks.”

The two of you quickly clean up and readjust your clothes. You’re supposed to be organizing after all—at the place you are working at for the summer—not fucking an old high school classmate. Hoseok leaves with a promise of finding you later, and you’re left alone with your thoughts again.

What just happened?

You really did mean it when you said that you didn’t want to have sex with Hoseok again, but here you are anyway. It’s already been a month since the first incident, and you’ve been sneaking quickies around the entire country club with Hoseok.

Every time you think you’re alone, he manages to find you and that infuriating smirk makes you helpless. You’ve lost track of how many times he’s already managed to make your panties drop. But even though he seeks you out for sex, every now and then he sticks around to have a conversation with you.

You feel your resolve crumbling away every time you get a glimpse of the human Hoseok.

“So, what are you studying in school?” he asked one day, settling beside you on the floor of the laundry room.

“Is it bad that I’m undecided?” You tried to laugh it off, but the sober expression on his face stopped you.

He shook his head. “No, you have time.”

And just like, all felt okay in the world.

“What about you?” you managed to ask.

The scrunch of his nose had been nearly undetectable, but you noticed it. “Business. My father wants me to take over the company one day.”

“And you don’t?” the question slipped past your lips without a second thought. You’d been horrified.

“I don’t mind business, but I don’t want my father’s. I’d rather start my own.”

This truth had been rather insightful, and you couldn’t help but change the way you looked at Hoseok—only a little though. You still thought he was an asshole.

After another moment pondering your idiocy, you go back to whatever you were doing before. Just as you place the last shampoo bottle on the rack, a knock sounds on the door. You jump, wondering if it’s Hoseok again; but when it opens, it’s just Soyoung. “Hey—you’ve been in here for a while. Almost done?”

If only she knew.

“Uh, yeah. Actually, just finished,” you try to smile. “Got a little distracted in here, I guess.” A little more than distracted.

Soyoung offers an understanding expression. “Feel that. These storage rooms can be a bit overwhelming.”

“Did you need something?” you ask, changing the conversation.

“I actually bring word from our manager. You don’t work tomorrow night, right?” Tomorrow is Saturday and one of the few days you actually have off this week. You’re dreading what Soyoung is about to tell you. “She asked if you could come in for a few hours—just to help with dinner. They’re expecting a big crowd tomorrow night since there’s a fundraiser happening during the day. It’ll be like three hours max.”

You think about it for a moment, rolling your lips between your teeth. Honestly, you don’t want to come in on your day off—who wants to work when they don’t have to—but three hours doesn’t sound so bad.

“Just three hours?”

Soyoung nods. “Just three hours. I’ll be helping with the dinner too, so we’ll get to work together. And afterwards, we can go to a party, if you want.”

That piques your interest, even though you aren’t one to go out often. “What party?”

“There’s a few houses on this property—they’re rented out to people who want to stay at the country club for an extended amount of time. And I heard from some of the other employees that a party is being hosted at one of the houses. Anyone and everyone is invited—even us.”

For some reason, you actually want to go to this party. Why? Maybe you just want to forget about Jung Hoseok’s charismatic smirk. A party should be a good distraction. So, you tell Soyoung that you’ll come work tomorrow and attend the party with her.

And the girl gives you hug, promising that it’ll be loads of fun.

You hope she’s right.

***

The next night, you arrive to work in a different version of your uniform. Instead of the usual polo and shorts the country club has you normally donned in, you’re wearing a long sleeve button up and black slacks. In your bag, you brought a change of clothes for later. Thankfully, you remembered to grab it on your way out. Imagine having to wear your server uniform to a party.

That would’ve been a social suicide.

You meet up with Soyoung for a few minutes before the dinner staff collects you all together. They debrief about tonight’s expectations and everyone’s roles. Next, they list all the jobs and when they call your name, you find out you’re going to be taking orders.

“Do I also need to bring the food out?” you ask.

One of the leaders shakes their head. “No, we’ll have people specifically there for that.”

After all the roles are established, dinner officially begins and you try not to look dumbstruck when you walk into the formal dining hall. This is the first time you’ve been in this room and it’s absolutely magnificent. You continue staring around for a moment before walking towards your section of the room—a row of tables by the window overlooking the setting sun.

You proceed taking orders from the first table—a family of four—and then the next—a group of six—before walking to a table that only seats two people. Probably a date. You barely look at the couple as you push a strand of loose hair behind your ear and pull out the notepad.

“Can I take your orders?” you ask, click your pen.

“Yes,” says a nasally voice to your right. You follow it, meeting the profile of a gorgeous girl. Long, silky hair drapes down her back in waterfalls and she’s wearing a tight pink dress. You think that she’ll turn her attention to you, but she doesn’t; she keeps staring at her date. “I’ll have the ratatouille. What about you, Hobi?”

Hobi? “I told you not to call me that, Nina.”

She pouts. “But you let me call you that when we were kids.”

“Yeah, we were kids then.”

You spare a look at Nina’s date and nearly falter when you realize who this Hobi is. It’s none other than Jung Hoseok himself. He’s wearing a fitted charcoal suit, hair slicked back slightly. Even from this view, you can tell his suit is expensive; definitely imported and tailored fitted to his body. Still, you can feel yourself salivating. The man looks like absolute sin, and you feel a sudden flash of jealousy because he’s on a date with someone else—someone he seems to know pretty well.

But you realize you have no right to feel that emotion at all. He’s not yours to have. You both just happen to be sexually compatible. That is all. You two never talked about being exclusive. He is allowed to see other girls, even though the thought makes you feel a little sick.

Hoseok brings his eyes to yours, flashing you a smirk that has your knees weak. “Y/n.”

“You two know each other?” Nina asks, but your eyes don’t move from his.

“A little,” he says. That’s an understatement.

“We just went to high school together,” you add, playing along with his little game. “We weren’t friends though, just happened to be in a few classes together.”

Hoseok feigns hurt, bringing a hand up to his chest. “Can’t believe you think so little of me.”

“Oh, Hobi,” Nina interjects, her hand finding his on top of the table. You zone in on the touch, blood pressure rising when you realize he hasn’t pushed her away.

You try not to roll your eyes. “Yes, poor Hobi.”

When you turn back to him, he’s already looking at you. You stiffen for a second, wondering if his eyes have been on you this whole time. And by the scathing sensation you feel on the side of your head—Nina’s eyes, no doubt—you realize he probably has. “Um. Anyway, what did you want?”

He smirks again. “I’ll have the same, y/n.”

You quickly jot it down and excuse yourself before you start thinking too much.

The rest of your short shift, you make sure not to walk by Hoseok’s table again. Whenever you’re around him, you can’t think properly. He always seems to cloud your best judgment, which is why you’ve already been fucking him this summer. You allow work to consume you, which makes the time fly by. Before you know it, the three hours is already up and you’re headed to the bathroom with Soyoung.

“See? Wasn’t that bad, huh?” she asks from the cubicle beside you.

It was terrible. “Could’ve been worse, I guess.”

“I’m so excited about the party,” Soyoung changes the conversation. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a night out.”

You can’t help the next words that bubble out of you. “Why do you overwork yourself?”

Honestly, you didn’t mean to ask. After all, it isn’t your business to ask such questions anyway. Sure, you were curious about Soyoung but it’s not your place. You’ve been really testing boundaries recently.

“It just kind of happens,” she answers, which shocks you. Not the answer itself, but the fact that she even answered you at all. “I’ve been working here for so long, I guess I just can’t help it.”

“Well,” you sigh, “don’t overwork yourself. Live a little, you know.”

Soyoung laughs. “I’ll try.”

You step out of the stall first, moving to stand in front of the full-length mirror. Tonight, you opted for a flowy crop top and tight skirt. Not something you’d usually wear, but tonight’s different than most nights—you want to enjoy yourself. You pull your hair out of its tight pony, humming in pleasure at the sensation of your hair being free.

“Okay, I see you with the sexy hair.”

You didn’t even hear Soyoung’s stall unlocking or opening. Turning in her direction, you see she’s wearing something similar to you. Only, both her top and skirt are flowy. “More like messy hair.”

She laughs. “It looks good still.”

After running a hand through your hair a few times, and fixing your makeup, the two of you throw your bags into your respective vehicles and walk across the country club’s property. Not even five minutes later, you can hear music playing. Across the distance, you can see a massive house—no, villa—lit up with lights and people all over the place.

“Woah,” you breathe.

“Right?” Soyoung chuckles. “I told you this party was going to be it.”

“I thought you said it was going to be a house party.”

“It is?” She seems confused.

You shake your head. “Are all the houses on the country club property this big?”

Even in the dim lighting, you can see her nod. “I think so. Maybe not this big, but they’re all large enough to house multiple people.”

Damn. You wonder who’s renting this place for the summer. It’s huge, so there must be more than one person; maybe a family? Though, that seems odd since a party filled with young people is happening right now. However, you can’t even begin to fathom how much it costs to rent. How can anyone actually afford that?

But all thoughts of money fade when you actually reach the villa. You assume there’s mainly college-aged people here, though it’s difficult to tell age these days. Soyoung leads the way as you two maneuver past groups of people and into the villa itself. Once inside, you have to force yourself not to gawk at everything.

Grand doesn’t even begin to describe the interior. There’s so much to look at and before you can even begin to look at everything, Soyoung pulls you away. She finds the kitchen and hands you a drink from the cooler. You remove the lid and begin sipping, tasting the slight bitterness of alcohol on your tongue.

“So what do we do now?” You’re acting like such a noob.

Soyoung slants a look at you. “We mingle, maybe dance a little. Do you like dancing?”

You bite the inside of your lip. “Umm, kind of?”

Of course, you’ve been to your fair share of college parties—where dancing and drinking do not mix well. But you don’t mind it; you just don’t think you’re very good. You voice this thought out loud and Soyoung rolls her eyes.

“You don’t have to be good at dancing. You just have to do it. Usually, it comes naturally.”

You aren’t too sure about that statement. But as Soyoung pulls you in a new direction, away from the kitchen, you realize that you have no choice. In another large room adjacent to the kitchen, someone has started a makeshift dancefloor. The bass is booming against the wall and strobe lights illuminate the room.

Even though you’re struggling, Soyoung pulls you both into the middle of the room and spins you around to the music. “I can’t.”

“Sure you can,” she shouts over the music, proceeding to move her body dramatically. You can’t help but laugh. Shaking your head, you realize dancing really isn’t a big deal and you allow Soyoung to move you to the beat. And eventually, you can do it by yourself.

You close your eyes as you sway to the music, occasionally bumping into Soyoung on purpose. It even gets to the point where you feel comfortable enough to lift your arms into the air, which is something you’d never thought you’d do.

It’s not until a few songs later that you finally open your eyes. And when you do, you immediately meet his gaze.

A jolt of electricity goes up your spine at the look Jung Hoseok is giving you right now. He’s leaning against the fireplace in the room across from you, changed out of that expensive suit he was wearing earlier. Now, he’s only wearing the white button up—sleeves rolled to his elbows—and a pair of navy-blue shorts. In his hand he nurses a beer, and that’s when you realize he’s still with that girl from earlier.

You try to keep your expression neutral as you stare at them; but by the way Hoseok’s hard gaze morphs into something smugger, you know you’re doing a bad job at concealing your feelings.

Dammit.

You quickly whisper something to Soyoung about needing some air as you look for the nearest exit. Unfortunately, you don’t know your way around the house. You meander around for a moment before you find a door that leads to the backyard. Breathing a sigh of relief, you open the door and walk into the cool summer night.

There’s a pathway of rocks that leads to the dock of a body of water—a body of water that you didn’t even know existed. You aren’t sure what to call it; a large pond? Whatever it is, you take the pathway until you reach the end of the dock. There, you settle on the edge and stare at the murky depths.

Bodies of water like this were unpredictable. You had no idea how deep it actually was. It could seem shallow, but in actuality be sixty feet deep. For a second, you consider dipping your toes in; however, you decide against it. Who knows what’s in there?

You allow the echoes of cicadas and other small insects to fill your senses. Eventually, you even lay down on the dock and close your eyes, trying not to think too much about—

“What are you doing?”

Your eyes flash open. And as they adjust to the night, you make out Hoseok’s infuriating perfect face. He’s leaning over you, and it pisses you off that he looks good even from this obscene angle. “Go away.”

“Well, aren’t you grumpy,” he hums. “It seemed like you were having a great time shaking you’re a—”

“Hoseok,” you breathe. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to play your stupid games right now.”

He cracks a rare half-smile. “Who said anything about playing games?”

When you don’t answer him, Hoseok’s smile falls and he frowns. You don’t care what else he has to say; you really meant it when you said you’re not in the mood for him right now. However, the boy doesn’t seem to take the hint like he usually does. Because he settles right beside you on the dock, laying down so he’s now eye-level with you.

“You’re insufferable,” you roll your eyes, shifting away from him.

“That’s what you like about me.”

“Who said I liked you?”

“I think your actions speak louder than you think,” he says, sounding awfully calm right now, which is very unlike him. You have no other choice but to look at him. And when you do, your breath gets caught in your throat. Even in the darkness, his eyes seem to sparkle as he looks at you—so fucking intently like he’s seeing you for the first time.

You don’t like it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you force your eyes away, but his stare burns your skin anyway.

“You were jealous at dinner, weren’t you?”

The scoff that leaves your lips sounds beyond bitter. “No, of course not. Why would I be?”

“If you were jealous,” Hoseok begins, which makes your stomach churn, “don’t be.”

“Huh?” you ask, still not able to look at him.

“Don’t be,” he repeats. “Don’t be jealous of Nina.”

“I wasn’t jealous of—”

He cuts you off. “Don’t be jealous of her. She’s just a family friend.”

“But you two seem so close…”

Hoseok laughs. “I just entertain her because our parents have been friends forever. I’m pretty sure they want me to marry someone like her. I mean, she’s hot”—you suck in a breath— “but she’s not you.”

Your eyes finally give him and meet his, and he’s still staring at you. “What’s that supposed to mean.”

As you both look at each other, you expect him to say something. But he never does. Instead, he scoots a few inches closer to you—so close your noses are almost touching—and runs his fingers through your hair. Weaving his digits through your still messy hair, he pulls your head towards his and your lips meet.

And underneath the moonlight, you allow Hoseok to kiss you until your head is dizzy and you have no choice but to let him consume you again.

***

The next morning, you find yourself wrapped in pristine white sheets that feel like silk beneath your fingers. But that’s not the only thing you’re wrapped in. A heavy arm is slumped over your waist and the body heat emanating from him sets yourself ablaze.

Last night, after Hoseok bruised your mouth and skin with his lips at the dock, you asked him why he was at the party.

“This is my house,” he said so casually, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. Your eyes bulged out of their sockets. “Well, my house for the summer at least.”

“You’ve been here this whole time?”

He nodded. “Our actual house is in the city, and I hate driving back and forth so much—especially since I’m here with the guys nearly every day. So, my parents decided to rent this.”

You didn’t know what to say. But you realized there was nothing that needed to be said because since this is where he was staying, it meant his bedroom was here too. You let him walk you back to the villa and up the stairs into his room, to which you had to text Soyoung and let her know you were headed home early. A lie. You told her you felt sick. Another lie. But she didn’t seem to mind. She had found a few other employees of the country club there and would walk back with them.

After losing track of how many orgasms he gave you, youth both shared a bottle of vodka he had stashed underneath his bed. And tipsy you had no inhibitions.

Every question Hoseok asked, you answered honestly.

“Favorite color?”

“Red.”

“Do you like working at the country club?”

“It’s a job.”

“If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?”

“Spend my life away on some island.”

He laughed. “Really?”

“Island life s-seems fun. It’s relaxing. You don’t have to worry about anything,” you slightly slurred your words. “You?”

“I think island life seems to be the move now.”

You both talked so much. About anything and everything. It reminded you so much of the first time you really spoke to him. Moments like this made Hoseok feel normal, which you don’t know how to feel about yet.

But one thing you realized you did enjoy was his laugh—his real laugh. Not the one he smirked with, but the one he gave when he thought no one else was watching.

You must’ve said something stupid—you honestly can’t recall it now—but when he doubled over in laughter, it was infectious.

The good thing is that you don’t have work today, which means you don’t have to rush anywhere. But you have a feeling that you’ve overstayed your welcome. You didn’t even mean to stay the night, but you’d been so comfortable in Hoseok’s bed that you fell asleep after all the conversations. It was probably the best sleep you’ve ever had.

You’re going to give the credit to Hoseok’s expensive mattress, and definitely not him.

Though, you can’t deny how good it feels to have him spooning you. A part of you wants to stay in this bed forever, but that’s crazy talk—you shouldn’t have come into the bed with him at all. You keep telling yourself—over and over again—that you don’t want to fuck him again.

But you’ve been such a liar.

Now, you’ve accepted the fact that you can’t resist him. You know it’s just sex, but you didn’t want to get involved with him in the first place.

You take in a few breaths as you try to move his arm off of you. Hoseok shifts a little, and you risk a look over your shoulder. When your eyes take in his face, your heart stutters for a moment. With his mouth slightly parted and eyes still firmly closed, you realize that he looks so peaceful asleep. So vulnerable. You have to force yourself from touching him.

What the fuck, y/n?

Turning back around, you gently pry his arm off of you and pray that you don’t wake him. But all your careful maneuvering proves to be futile because his arm releases from your grip and moves back down to your waist. With a squeal, Hoseok pulls you back on his chest.

“Where do you think you’re going?” God, his morning voice is so hot.

“Um, leaving?” you sound like an idiot.

“Stay,” he breathes against the back of your head.

You want to. You really, really want to. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asks, snaking his arms underneath the covers to find you—skin still bare from last night’s activities. Your breath hitches as his fingers trail across your skin, each touch feeling like sparks.

“I-I have somewhere I have to be,” you stutter as his rough hand wraps around one of your breasts, squeezing tight. Your nipple hardens immediately.

Hoseok slips the covers off your body, exposing you to the cool air-conditioned room. And without warning, he moves on top of you and begins trailing his lips over your body. You notice that he makes sure to suck those bruises he left scattered across your skin extra hard, purpling them even more.

“Hoseok,” you try not to moan. “I really have t-to—”

His lips crashing onto yours shuts you up. You kiss him back forcefully, nipping his lips with your teeth and running your tongue across his. As you two battle it out, he settles in-between your thighs. Bringing a hand down your abdomen, it slides straight to your cunt—which is already drenched.

He hisses against your lips. “So fucking wet. Thought you had to go?”

“Shut up,” you moan as he runs a finger from your ass to your clit, swirling your juices everywhere. Involuntarily, your hips buck up when he slides a finger inside of you. He gently fucks you like that for a moment, leaving you writhing underneath him. “More, Hoseok—I need more.”

A wicked smile erupts on his face. “Are you going to beg for it?”

An incredulous expression lights your face. You’ve never begged in bed before, and you aren’t going to start now. However, the man on top of you is sure getting a kick out of this. Hoseok moves his finger slowly out of you, which agitates you to no end. If you weren’t so horny right now, you’d kill him.

“No,” you narrow your eyes, not willing to give in.

His finger stops moving. “A shame, really.”

You freeze. “What the fuck, Jung Hoseok?”

“I’m not doing anything until you say please,” he smirks, moving his upper body away from you.

Even though you’re pissed, you can’t help but drink in the Adonis in front of you. Like you, Hoseok is completely naked. Your eyes rake his defined muscles and his thick cock that’s already unbelievably hard. He’s hard for you. The fact that you turn him on makes you feel good—too good.

“Fine,” you shrug, and his smirk falls. “Just get blue balls then.”

As his body goes slack for a moment, you use the opportunity to slip from the bed. But you don’t manage to get very far at all. You probably only take three steps before his arm wraps around you and pulls you back to the bed.

You fall on your back, and Hoseok pins your arms on either side to keep you from moving. Still, you squirm—heart drumming in your chest at the look on his face. His eyes have turned black, and he looks like he wants to devour you. “I’m not begging.”

“We’ll see about that.”

With your arms still pinned, Hoseok lowers his body and your legs spread on their own accord. Fuck you, body. The movement makes him chuckle darkly and he begins peppering kisses along your thigh. Your breath hitches in your throat, which turns into a gasp when he suddenly bites down on your flesh. Not hard enough to draw blood, but it’s enough to be painful.

And as much as you hate to admit it, you like it very much.

Hoseok continues alternating between kissing and biting your thighs until you’re one-hundred-percent positive there is a pool of your wetness on the bed. You know what he’s trying to do and it’s working, but you don’t want to give in. And then he’s so close to your pussy, not even an inch away. You can feel his breath fanning you there. If you just move your hips a little…

“Don’t even think about it,” he moves his head away.

You release a groan of frustration. “Oh my god.”

“If you just say the magic word,” he taunts, lips now on your stomach. He moves low, but never low enough; never where you want him to go.

When he moves up your body, pressing chaste kisses on your nipples before latching his lips on your neck, you release a breathy moan. Hoseok lets out a groan from the back of his throat, hands tightening around your wrists. Fuck, why are the noises he makes even attractive? “Hoseok…”

“Y/n,” he’s still sucking on your neck.

This position, you realize, aligns him perfectly with your body. Again, if you were able to move just a little bit…but Hoseok’s weighing you down with his body, not allowing you to move at all.

“Hoseok,” you say his name again, but he doesn’t respond—he just moves his lips to your ear, nibbling on the sensitive flesh there. And that’s when you crumble. You can’t take it anymore. “Please…please just fuck me already.”

Simultaneously, he curses into your ear as he slides his cock into you. Too perfect—the way he fills you up is too perfect.

You expect Hoseok to fuck you hard, hips slamming into you, but he doesn’t. His thrusts are slow, but the way he hits your cervix has you nearly in tears. Fuck. He releases the hold on your wrists to grip onto either side of your face. With lips ghosting over yours, you tangle your hands into his dark hair.

Your breaths mesh together as he continues to fuck you with slow, measured thrusts. You’ve grown accustomed to the rough way Hoseok likes to fuck; but for some reason, you love this so much more. It’s intimate and makes your chest tighten in a strange way but feels so good you don’t want it to stop.

“Please,” you whisper against his lips again.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groans, rolling his hips in a way that has you arching off the bed. Yes.

“Just like t-that,” you say, slanting your mouth to mold against his again.

Your orgasm comes without warning; you moan into Hoseok’s mouth, gripping him closer to you and you ride your high. Through the haze of your earth-shattering orgasm, you hear Hoseok ask if he can come inside you. He’s always pulled out—even last night when he fucked you for hours. But right now you don’t care, and your answer comes in the form of your legs wrapping around his hips.

He kisses you hard and comes inside you a moment later. You’ve never let anyone else come raw inside of you; never trusted anyone else that much. And in that moment, a terrifying thought flashes across your mind.

I’m in love you.

The thought comes so suddenly, burns your brain so hotly, your body stills. Hoseok finally lifts off of you, eyes crinkling in concern. “You okay?”

You quickly try to shake the feeling away. “Um, yeah.”

“You sure? Should I not have come inside you?” he slips out of you, and for some reason you want to cry at the sudden emptiness you feel. “You’re looking pale right now.”

“No, it was fine,” you blink too fast, feeling tears begin to well in your eyes. Get a fucking grip on yourself. “I’m sorry, I really have to go.”

Hoseok doesn’t try to stop you this time when you move away from the bed. You find your clothes on the floor and slip everything back on without looking at him, even though you can feel his gaze on you the entire time. Not bothering to check your appearance, you grab your stuff and move towards his door.

“Y/n,” he calls your name, voice sounding strange, but you don’t want to look at him. If you look at him, you’re going to start crying. And that’s too embarrassing to explain.

You slip out of his bedroom and take the stairs two at a time. As you rush down, you run into someone. “Sorry—”

Looking up, you realize it’s Seokjin; he must’ve stayed the night. Even in your distress, you feel feverish wondering if you were too loud. However, he takes one look at you and stares like he has you all figured out. Your heart threatens to beat out of your chest.

“Did something happen…?” he asks, looking at the door you just left wide open upstairs.

“Don’t worry about it,” you quickly say, adverting your eyes and sidestepping him.

This morning, it’s much easier to find the front door. Just as you’re about to slip out, you hear your name being called again, heavy steps thundering down the stairs. Shit, shit, shit. You break into a run and don’t stop until you have no more air to spare in your lungs. Thankfully, you’re far enough from the villa and close to the country club.

Only then do you allow yourself to fall into the grass as the tears finally cascade down your cheeks.

You’re a fool, you realize. A fool to have fallen in love with someone like Jung Hoseok. Someone who will never feel the same way. Someone who just uses you for a good time. someone who you barely even know. Someone you never wanted to get involved with.

***

You call out of work the next week, claiming to have the stomach bug. But you don’t have the stomach bug; in fact, you’re not even physically ill at all. You just can’t bear the thought of running into Hoseok at the country club.

On the first day, you listen to your sad girl hours playlist on repeat.

During your second day of moping in bed, you half consider quitting your job. Would it be too cowardly? Maybe. Unfortunately, there’s only a few weeks left of summer and you doubt that you’ll be able to find another job.

When the third day arrives, you finally get out of bed and take a proper shower. You didn’t realize how much you needed it.

Your mom knocks on your door on the fourth day. You only know it’s her by the way she taps on your door rhythmically; she’s always done that ever since you were a child. When you don’t respond, she dares to crack the door open. Shit, you forgot to lock it last night.

“Are you feeling better, love?”

You don’t move on the bed, hoping your mother thinks you’re asleep or something. But despite you not moving, she still shuffles into your room and settles herself on the edge of the bed.

“Is this because I haven’t been spending time with you this summer?”

No, mom. It’s me. I fucked up. Although, I would appreciate it if you did spend time with me—like you dragged me here this summer to do.

“I’m really sorry, love,” she whispers, getting up after a moment.

Once you’re sure she’s by the door, you finally open your mouth. “It’s not because of you. It’s…something else.”

You hear her grab onto the door, but she doesn’t say another word before leaving you all alone again.

On the fifth day, the bruises that littered your skin finally start fading. Glancing into the mirror of your bathroom, you run your fingers along the—now greenish-yellow—hickies he left on your neck. Goodness, there were so many. And annoyingly enough, you can still feel exactly where he had touched you—like his hands are still there right now.

Pulling your t-shirt down, you see more evidence of Hoseok’s assault on your chest. You have to stop yourself from looking at the rest of your body.

The sixth day you, finally, spend time pondering that terrifying thought you had about Hoseok. Are you actually in love with him? Do you even know what love feels like? What even is love? You’ve always been an overthinker, and these questions only make your head spin more. But after hours and hours of teetering the files of your brain, you do know one thing.

You like him.

You like Hoseok a lot.

It might not be love—perhaps that had been your sex-brain talking—but you were definitely starting to fall for him. You don’t know when or where the change happened, or maybe you’ve always liked him, but it feels good to finally admit the truth to yourself.

Now, the real challenge was if you would tell him.

Would it be worth it?

***

“Y/n, I seriously thought you’d quit!”

Soyoung is the first person you run into on your first day back. You just thank god it’s her and not someone else. You flash her a quick smile and greeting. “Hey.”

“What happened to you?” she asks, walking beside you down the hall.

“Stomach bug,” the lie passes surprisingly easily through your lips. Good thing you had enough time to practice saying those words out loud.

Soyoung makes a face. “That must’ve been awful, but I’m glad you’re well enough to be here.”

“Yeah, totally.”

She leaves you at the golf cart and you get into the seat with a sigh. Over the month and whatever weeks you’ve been here, driving the cart now feels like second nature. You no longer bump into displays or people.

As you drive around the green, you make a stop at every hole and offer the players drinks. At the beginning of summer, you’d been a little apprehensive about this job. However, it turns out, working as the drink cart girl isn’t half bad. The tips you make are worth being out in the scorching summer sun.

Towards the end of your round, you feel your nerves twist. You’re relieved that you haven’t seen Hoseok; then again, a part of you is worried. Why isn’t he here? He’s always here. Every single time you’ve driven on the range, he’s been here.

Where is he today?

Soon, you realize that you didn’t need to worry at all.

At the last hole, you see him—well, them. Hoseok, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jeongguk are together, like they always seem to be. Inseparable. For a second, you think about skipping them, but then you overhear their conversation.

“Damn, Hoseok,” Jeongguk whistles, leaning against his club, “this is the worst game you’ve ever played.”

“He played worse than Namjoon,” Seokjin snickers.

Namjoon narrows his eyes. “I’m not that bad.”

“You lack coordination,” Seokjin explains to his friend, as if that was supposed to make the burn better. “And Hoseok usually always wins.”

“Now that I’m thinking about it, he hasn’t played well all week,” Jeongguk twists his lips.

“Dude probably hasn’t had ass in a week,” Namjoon comments.

“I’m right fucking here, assholes.”

You finally allow your eyes to settle on the man of the hour. Like his friends have suggested, he does seem off today. Normally, the Jung Hoseok you know is easy going, laid back. He’s usually cocky and charismatic. Every time you’ve seen him play golf, he’s amazing. He always swings with blind sureness—like he knows the ball will hit green. But the man you’re looking at right now is beyond tense and agitated.

“You’re no fun today,” Jeongguk pouts.

“He hasn’t been fun all week,” Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Not since the house party.”

Your hands stiffen on wheel. Hoseok’s been in a mood for a whole week? You try to find the answer to your own question in his eyes, but he hasn’t looked in your direction yet. In fact, none of them seem to realize you’re close. They all seem to be thrown off their usual balance. That obvious fact makes you realize you should probably just skip them. But as you lift your foot to press the gas pedal, Seokjin notices you.

Damn. Why is he always the first one to see you?

His eyes widen at your appearance. “Just the girl I was thinking about.”

That statement draws everyone else from their stupor and towards you. You watch as Jeongguk and Namjoon’s eyes also widen, but the only pairs of eyes you really care about right now can’t even meet yours. Hoseok shoots you a glance before twisting away, jaw hardened. Ouch. You feel a pang in your chest.

For some reason, his dismissal hurts more than anything else right now.

“Glad you finally arrived,” Seokjin continues talking, walking closer to you. “I was wondering when you’d come.”

It was weird to have Seokjin speak so much to you. The only person you ever really spoke to was Hoseok, but it seems like he’s the last person who wants to talk to you right now. Maybe coming into work was a bad idea.

“I think you should talk to him,” he says, and it was your turn to have wide eyes.

“I don’t know…” What could you even say to him? You don’t know where to begin because you don’t know what kind of relationship you have with Hoseok. Did you want a relationship with him? Did he even feel the same way?

“He’s been a fucking wreck all week because of you, you know?”

Your chest hurts. “Really?”

Seokjin nods. “I mean, the guy’s always a pain in the ass…” he rolls his eyes, “but it’s worse now.”

Maybe you hadn’t been the only one suffering this past week. As horrible as it sounds, the thought makes you feel…hopeful.

“We’ll take your cart back and cover for you, if you want.”

You stare at Seokjin and find yourself nodding. “Okay.”

He calls Jeongguk and Namjoon over, asking you to get out of the cart. “Don’t worry—we won’t steal your money.”

It’s a joke. You know it’s a joke. Still, you can’t help the next that slip past your lips unconsciously. “Like you all need it.”

The three of them laugh at you as they pile into the cart. Before you can say anything else, they drive off—leaving you alone with the one person you’re most nervous to speak to. He’s still turned away from you, staring off into the distance. You will your heart to stop racing as you wipe your sweaty hands on the back of your shorts.

Calm down.

You take a deep breath before you decide it’s now or never. Deciding it is time, you take the tentative steps towards Hoseok and run a million different scenarios in your head. What’s the worst thing that can happen? He tells you to fuck off and never speak to him again?

Nausea settles into your throat at the idea.

By the time you run another worst-case-scenario into your head, you’re just a few steps behind him. Closer to him now, you feel like you’re going to burst at the seams. You stare at his disheveled hair—like he’s been running a hand through it all day—and stiff body. Despite his rigid posture, he’s still the most handsome person you’ve ever seen.

You don’t know long you stand there and stare at Hoseok, but you don’t jolt out of your daze until you hear his voice.

“Are you just going to stare at me all day?”

“Oh, you’re—I mean, I—” you fumble with your words, nervously twitching your hands. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk to someone who doesn’t even like me,” he says, finally turning to face you.

What? “Hoseok—”

“I know you hate me, so I won’t bother you again, if that’s what you wanted to talk about,” his voice is detached, and you realize you’ve never seen this side of him before. No wonder his friends were fed up with him. You would’ve been too. “Sorry if I annoyed you this summer.”

Without another word, he begins to walk away from you. What the hell is going on? You shake your head as you march up to him and grab onto his shirt. “Stop.”

“Y/n…”

“Hoseok, shut up!” You bring your eyes up to glare at him. “Just—just let me talk first, okay?”

His eyes are still cold, but you can see a bit of softness pool in them. “Fine.”

“You’re an idiot,” you breathe, dropping your fist and feeling something prick your vision. “I-I don’t hate you…I don’t hate you at all. And I don’t want you to stop bothering me. Yes, you’re annoying”—you feel him take a step away— “but I like it. I like you. I like you a lot, Hoseok. So much…I don’t even know—”

He stops your rambling with his lips. The kiss makes your heart soar and ache all at once because it feels so damn good—Hoseok feels so damn good. But it ends all too soon when he pulls away.

“I like you too.”

“Then why are you being so mean to me?” You feel an onslaught of tears flow down your cheeks.

Hoseok wipes a tear away with his thumb. “Because I thought you hated me.”

“Well, I don’t,” you sniffle.

“Then, why’d you leave?”

You know he’s talking about that morning. Do you tell him the truth? “Because I thought I was in love with you.”

“Love?” he chokes, and you feel a blush heat your face. “What made you think that?”

“Uh…it was just a sudden thought,” you awkwardly scratch the side of your face. “But I thought about it, and it’s not love…at least, not yet.”

You say that last part so quietly, you don’t think Hoseok even heard. However, the way his eyes gloss over for a moment lets you know that he did. You’re even more embarrassed now. You try to cover your face, but he grabs both of your hands before you can.

“Let’s take this one step at a time, yeah?” Look at him being the rational one here.

You nod, agreeing with him. “So, we like each other.”

“We do,” he says, suddenly pulling you closer to him. Your body hums being so close to him. Being close like this, you’re able to wrap your arms around him and does the same—hand moving to the back of your neck to tilt your head back. At this angle, you’re exposed to him.

“So, what are we?” you dared to ask the question.

Hoseok ghosts his lips over you. “I don’t like sharing.”

Butterflies erupt in your stomach. “I haven’t been with anyone else this summer.”

It’s the truth. You haven’t even looked twice at anyone else. You haven’t desired anyone else. You don’t think you ever can again. Jung Hoseok has ruined you.

“Me either.”

“You and Nina—”

“We’re just family friends, remember?” he cuts you off.

“She clearly likes you.”

“Well, she’s not you. I’ve told you that before.”

He did. And, for some reason, you believed him.

“So, what are we?” you ask again, looking up at Hoseok to gauge what he’s going to say. He stares down at you for a moment before that smirk you know all too well graces his lips. As irritating as it is, you’ve missed it.

“We’re dating,” his eyes sparkle, before dimming a little. “If you’ll have me.”

Warmth pools in your stomach as you nod. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

[cacodaemonia]

Both of the Kryze sisters annoy me to no end. Kind of ironic that they didn't get along cuz to me it seems that they're very similar, only Satine is ''pacifistic'' and Bo-Katan is ''traditional''. They're both major hypocrites IMO and have very little ability to self-reflect and are willing to just push all blame to others. Nothing was ever their fault, they had such superiority complexes it's kinda insane.

Bo-Katan's reaction to Din technically being from Death Watch was hilarious. He was saved by them and raised from a young age in their ways (that seemingly aren't the same as the Death Watch we see from Clone Wars and before). While I'm pretty sure Bo-Katan was an adult when she chose to join what was essentially a terrorist organization hell-bent on taking down a peaceful government? Because she didn't like her sister?? Like it's not the same thing at all. And while I didn't agree about everything Satine did, it was clear that she had a mostly positive effect on Mandalore even if it wasn't sustainable.

Though lets not forget that instead of IDK, imprisoning/rehabilitating the mandalorians that wanted to follow the old ways. Finding a way for them to keep their culture without posing a threat to people. Satine straight up exiles them in what is essentially ethnic cleansing? These people who I'm pretty sure killed her family and were the main parties in their civil war causing the majority of the damage, were just left to their own devices on a hostile moon. And she trusted Pre Vizla of all people to keep them in check? She really just answered one extreme with another.

Also she was vehemently against the Republic and Jedi's war efforts, but anytime the Jedi go to Mandalore it's because she/Mabdalore asked for help. So that's okay, but when there are planets being invaded the Republic/Jedi aren't supposed to do anything?? She's just kind of a worse/less developed version of Padme. Padme was also against violence, and she knew that by being part of the Republic Naboo became a target, but she also knew thay she couldn't just take care of her own people and watch others suffer. They both knew what it was like to have their planet invaded/in war, but used those experiences in such different ways. (They even gave Satine a line similar to something Padme always says in response to someone being shocked she knows how to use blaster/ fight, like " Sometimes you have to defend yourself". Yeah no shit.)

Recently saw a post that talked about the episode with the Toydarians when the Republic needed aid for Ryloth and the fact that neutrality isn't really as good or humane of an option as some people (Satine) think it is. And the fact that the Jedi didn't have any other choice but to join the war effort if they wanted to have any influence on what happend, especially if they wanted the clones taken care of. Can't seem to find it now but agree with all of it and worth a read if you happen upon it.

(Wow this became too long sorry to dump this on you but recently rewatched some of Clone Wars and it was the first time I had more historical context to Mandalore beyond what we learned in the show, and it just hit me how annoying/dumb they both are. They always irked me, but now it really stood out. Would have been cool if at least one of them had some sort of aha-moment , though I guess that's what fics are for!)

First of all, how did you manage to get Tumblr to let you send such a long ask? XD usually they're limited to not very much, I think??

Anyway, yeah, I agree with you on most of these points!

I really try not to badmouth characters too much on my blog, because people are free to like whoever they like, though of course if asked directly I'm not going to sugarcoat things. XD I'm happy to do it in messages, lol, but just don't like to bum people out for no reason. So I would have replied privately, like I did with a few asks about Satine, but this one's anon, so I don't think that's an option.

Regarding your last point, it reminded me of this quote:

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality." – Desmond Tutu

[yoichichi]

Big Brain Bitches Playlist ❣️

For the lovely @nataliahaslosthershit , thank you for always being so kind and being patient!!!

disclaimers: this is a fem!reader since it is a request, so if there’s any instances where those pronouns or the fact it’s a fem reader is alluded to that’s why!

warnings: Tsukishima, that’s the warning

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: thank you for being so patient sweetie!! I really hope you like this and I did my best with the playlist to include a little bit of everything you like!!!

Relationship Headcannons

As much as Tsukishima would lowkey HATE the way you always wanna make friends (not really he just likes being a shithead) he also just finds it so cute??? Like he’s like 🙄✋🏼 must you talk to everyone?? But is also like :) shes so friendly and tries so hard to be nice :) how did I find someone like her :) but he keeps that on the lowkey a bit and GOD LET ANYONE BE RUDE TO YOU WHEN HE SEES YOU AS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL‼️‼️‼️

Tsukishima is also focused on his studies and would appreciate you being focused as well, he would hate to see you over stressed from the importance your parents put on it, and he’d always be doing/saying things to get you to relax as best as he could

“You’ve gone over this 5 times, do you really think you’re that stupid that you have to go over it again?”

“We should take a break, let’s go take a walk to the corner store and find some good snacks. Studying is always more effective if you take breaks like that anyway.”

It is, but he’s more concerned with removing those frown lines from your forehead and warming your hand up with his

Sidenote - definitely the type to blow on your hands while their held in his to warm them up

ANYWAYS

Regardless, it’d become a habit for you two to always do your studying together since he wants to be sure you’re not overworking yourself.

STUDY DATES‼️‼️

Idk I can just see him always bringing a second bottle of water with him just in case you need it ??LMAO like y’all would be studying and you’d be like

“I’m a little thirsty, I’m gonna get-“

“🤨”

boom bottle of water on the table for you

PLS he won’t give it to you until you mention you’re thirsty tho, unless he feels like he hasn’t seen you drink enough water

I don’t see him as a big talker while he studies with you unless you’re helping each other out, he just kind of likes your presence while you guys are studying cause it feels like bonding and he just likes spending time with you :)

A bit off topic of study dates but you can’t tell me his love language ISNT quality time and he would never admit it but he’s definitely clingy lowkey LMAO

like he just wants to spend his free time with you even if it’s just being in the same room together but doing different things?? He thinks being able to be your own person while still enjoying each other is important in a relationship

So of course he’ll sit in a room with you and eavesdrop read a book while you gossip with your friends over the phone and then listen to you rant about it after

just like how he appreciates when you ask about his day while you cook dinner together and ask him all kinds of follow up questions, cause you actually care and want to know!!

Ok but ANYWAY back to study dates:

So like I was saying, not a big talker, but I feel like complete silence would freak him out?? This mf always got his headphones so one of you has got to be playing music while you’re studying, but do you know what this means?

This means that a song has definitely come on that he likes and he totally was humming or even quietly singing along to himself, not really thinking about the fact you were there and can definitely hear him, and as soon as he realizes he would just look at you and shut up SO fast LMAO

Like he’d just get wide eyed and breath in and stop singing and just kind of look up at you AND HIS EARS WOULD BE SO RED (he’s an ear blusher for sure) and he’d do that WHITE BOY SMILE THING WHERE HE HAS DEAD EYES AND HIS MOUTHS A THIN LINE but he’d look so shy and embarrassed plssss and he’d just look back down to his textbook and try not to think about it

And you’d just giggle and he could only groan and be like “let’s move on 😐” BUT YOURE DEFINITELY NOT FORGETTING THAT

But study dates?? Yeah they’re important to you two

Tsukishima would also be constantly making sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of studying, like making sure you’re needs are taken care of since you have a tendency to over look them in the favor of others (which I feel like would really drive him crazy cause you’re his baby!!! He can’t stand that thought !!!)

Like if he saw you offer a friend your last snack knowing you hadn’t eaten enough today he’s slapping a snack in your possession so fast like 😐 eat this, now.

ITS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE IN THE CALMEST WAY but it’s just cause you’re important to him

The bullying??? Yes he’d love that cause he’s just like 😳‼️ you keep up with him and he’d just love the back and forth between you two so much

Queue the eye rolls and lopsided smirk while he’s grabbing your hand and kissing it telling you to shut up

Regarding your stims - he’d definitely take notice and probably do things like always holding your hand to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself too bad!

I know people have mentioned him not being that big on PDA but I feel like he’d take a neutral stance on it, like holding your hand is so innocent and if it helps you not pinch your wrists or picking at your nails of course he’s gonna do it!! It’s his way of showing you he notices and cares 🖤

Regarding your self confidence, he’d definitely still bully you cause cmon 🙄 this is your guys love language and he knows you know it’s harmless, and the last thing he’d want to do is make you feel like he’s coddling you and suffocating you by not being silly with you the way he normally would

HOWEVER

If anyone else clowns on you whew please it is over for them

Like let’s say you meet the boys and you and hinata are clowning on each other?? Tsuki is NOT playing games LMAO like he’d definitely be like

😐😐 hinata I KNOW you’re not talking and you’d have to remind him in private that it’s ok he doesn’t care he will bully hinata any chance he gets

Okok real talk Tsukishima would think it’s so fucking cool you know how to speak more than one language!!! Not the type to necessarily be like let me hear it 🤠 but if you do speak another language around him he’s always like 🙂 wow, that was pretty cool

Ok also?? Both of you being introverts?? Tsuki is happy to the MAX

Like he just gets to come home to you and detox in his little home and sit with you on the couch and talk about your days and watch whatever you’re feeling and it’s just so recharging for him and he’s so grateful you’re perfectly ok with that :)

And finally, tell me he wouldn’t bully you for your height but also find it so so adorable 🙄‼️

Ahhhh!! Ok here is the acclaimed playlist I made for you!! I hope you enjoy it❣️

Ok I did my best to include your variety of music tastes in here!! But if there’s anything you’d like me to change please feel free to let me know and I will!!

Ahhhh I hope you like it, enjoy my descriptions below!

1. The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major: ok so yes we’re starting this off with a dash of Tsuki angst, as much as I know he’d deny it he yearns for love. Like the idea of someone being so important they get his attention and devotion and they love him the same is sooo comforting to him! And sometimes he would daydream about it like :) I wonder when I’m gonna meet them, I wonder how, I can’t wait - but the way he would he embarrassed if anyone knew this - and when he DOES meet you it is not what he expected LMAO

2. 80’s makeout session - dacelynn:  OK SO HE MEETS YOU and is just like 👁👄👁 and it’s everything he dreamed of, if he was feeling irrational he might’ve even believed it was love at first sight but there’s one problem, the way Tsuki is be lowkey mad he wants your attention LMAO. Like you would meet and he would just look into your eyes and he feels his heart stop; and you’re so nice when you’re introducing yourself to him and your voice is so sweet and he can’t stop thinking about the way your curly hair is framing your face and he just oop 🤒 he got the love bug bad AND HED BE SO MAD cause like, he tries to only do things for himself! And that’s exactly why love was a daydream cause UGH HOW PATHETIC IS HE. He never tries impress anyone else cause he’s his biggest critic anyway, but suddenly he wants to be noticed by you and impress you and the way that would just irk him, but he cant help it 🤷‍♂️ sorry bout it Tsuki

3. IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator: more on Tsuki being mad he likes you LMAO - I think what would push him to get over himself and how it’s kind of scary for him how much he likes you would be imagining what could happen if he DOESNT grow up and just let you know. The thought of you with somebody else? Yeah he don’t like that one bit and that’s when he knows he better suck it up and accept he’s got it for you hard

4. Make Me Your Queen - Declan McKenna: OK CALLING TSUKI SIMPS OUT- you’d want him so bad but he’s so bad at showing his interest!! So on your end it’d be soooo much pining and patience and a little bit desperate like PLS I jus wanna be your s/o man 😕 but don’t worry he likes you just as much, he’s just awful at showing that at first LMAO

5. Kiss Like A Woman - Mona: ok but once Tsuki accepts he’s got it bad, I don’t see him as someone who wastes time at. All. Like he’s like ok well she’s fucking great obviously if I like her cause I have great taste so it’s only a matter of time before someone else tries to get her attention, so I gotta act fast. However, he’s clueless so he’d think he’s being obvious but he’s not. Like he starts his habit of bringing you snacks and water on your study dates before they’re actually dates and you have no idea he likes you. And he thinks he’s being smooth like, how could you not know he likes you? But it’d be the end of your study session and you’re about to leave and he’s been wondering why it seems like maybe you’re not interested? He can’t tell so he’d just be like, “do you like me, too? Or am I making you uncomfortable? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know how you feel but you really haven’t said anything, so.” AND YOUD JUST BE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE 😳🧍🏻‍♀️ and you’re blushing hard so he’s like ok obviously she likes me? And he would kind of tilt his head in your direction and raise his eyebrows waiting for you to answer, cause he still wants to be sure. And you’d hold your books tighter to your chest and nod so fast. He’d walk over to you and kiss you on your cheek and be all, “see you tomorrow, idiot.” And walk off like a bad bitch, cause that was pretty smooth, but once his back is to you and his headphones are on while he’s walking away BOY IS BLUSHING HARDDDD CAUSE HE’S LIKE did I really just do that oh shit 🥴

6. A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James: when I mentioned Tsuki liked to think about love this is exactly what I mean. He just wants something so relaxed and devoted and when he gets that with you? WHEW he is not letting that go!!

7. Black Dog - Arlo Parks: ok so this song itself is more intense than for what I’m writing for it and what it inspired me BUT this is really how Tsuki feels when he sees you overworking yourself. He can’t stand to see you stress so much over something, especially if it’s school, and then see you push your own limits in the favor of others. It’d definitely be a day where you come to his house to study but when you guys get there instead of pulling out the stuff from his bag he just sets it down and walks over to you and pulls you into his chest. After holding you for a while, he pulls back and makes you look up at him with his hands on your cheeks and leans down to kiss your forehead. “Are you ok?” It’s such a simple question but it really hits home and it’s one of the first times you guys simultaneously realize how much you care for each other. And you’d just hug him tighter and he decides nap time holds a little priority over studying right now.

8. come out and play - Billie Eilish: as smooth as Tsukishima can be or as clueless as he is, he’s also a shy lover for sure. It will take him a while to be genuinely soft and let his walls down and be vulnerable and tell you how much he cares about you, he try’s to show it as best as he can cause it can be easier than looking into your pretty eyes that make him all nervous and choke on his words while he tries to tell you he loves you. So it’ll take some coaxing and you being patient, but he’ll get there eventually and become more confident with his declarations of love.

9. Pleaser - Wallows: more on Tsuki being shy LMAO he wants to tell you he loves you SO BAD but he just cannot make himself do it

10. I’m Glad There Is You - Julie London: ok you mentioned slow dancing in the kitchen type songs? Stop it this is the one - to me this is the introvert love anthem , perfect for you two right? Like you’d be playing music in the kitchen while you two are cooking and this song would come on and normally he’s not a person who shows his affection much but this song would just get to him? Like he almost wants to cry??? He just looks at you, and maybe you’re humming a little, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t care cause you’re just so bright and gorgeous and the more he hears the song, the more his heart is starting to swell thinking of you. And so he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d just come up behind you and lean down so his head his resting on top of yours and his arms are wrapped around you. He leans down a little farther and presses a soft but long kiss to your cheek and just whispers how he loves you and hugs you tight one more time before going back to his part of cooking dinner; as if that wasn’t the first time he was finally able to tell you that.

11. Linger In My Arms A Little Longer Baby - Peggy Lee: kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music !! I feel like once Tsuki dances with you ONCE he’d be addicted 😶 like you just look so happy and it hits him in his gut in the best way and he’d kill to feel like that with you again 🖤

12. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles: stop I fucking love Harry styles when I say Tsuki sees you as his home I MEAN it, it doesn’t matter what happens between you two. Sure, like any couple you guys argue and it can be rough sometimes, problems can arise it’s natural. But Tsukishima would never be the type to say something he doesn’t mean or do anything to ruin the relationship, you’re his person and no matter how much you two argue he’d always be sure you know he loves you and you’re the most important thing to him, and you’re very aware of that.

13. I Think I Like It When It Rains - Willis: ok a little bit of angst! In those difficult moments, sure sometimes Tsuki does wish it was like how it was a while ago when the pining and awkwardness was still there and you would go home after studying and you’d both still be giddy and trying to calm yourselves down. Cause the pining and awkward feelings were easy to solve, but these problems are harder, they’re the ones you solve for the long haul. But once he takes a breather he knows this is so much more important and worth it, and he’s reminded of how much he really loves you.

14. I CHOOSE YOU - Adam Melchor: you really would be living in Tsukis mind rent free LMAO and while he was all grumpy at first at the fact he even wanted your attention he’s so happy now it’s so cute pls. He goes to the store and sees something you like?? Yeah he’s buying it. Hears a song you might like? He adds it to the playlist you guys share (yes you would have one from when you would study together all the time and you’ve just kept it and he always add songs to it still for you) all in all, you take up his mind 25/8 now and he’s accepted it with a smile on his face

15. this is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler: introvert love anthem #2, this is literally so cheesy and I hope it fits your taste but anyways!! Falling in love is just so easy for you guys, it’s the easiest thing Tsuki’s ever done, and he holds a lot of pride to that statement.

——————

that’s it!!! That’s the thing!! Gosh I really hope you like it !! Thank you for being so patient and kind to me again, and don’t forget to message me if you need a change

-🐇out

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

HAIKYUU IS BACK AND SO HERE I AM 

listen folks, season 4 has come. my crops are flourishing, my skin is clear, i’ve been revived. i cried and watched the opening 4 times, i’ve watched the episodes 3x now. Kuroo has always owned me and bITCH he still does. 

as usual, i have no shame, so have this professor Kuroo x  grad student reader that turned surprisingly angsty (my heart is so full with s4 that idk how it ended that way). i dont even care how cliche this is, im so weak for stuff like this. also i have no idea if this field is even a thing but i dont care 

warnings: suggestive nsfw, angst 

will there be a part 2? who knows 😉 (spoiler, there is...and three and four)

as usual, 💖 J

~

You weren’t exactly sure what you were expecting what your faculty member that you’d be working with for your graduate career to be like, but it had been more along the lines of: crotchety old man, white hair, still sporting tweed suit jackets from the seventies. It definitely never crossed your mind that a young man, probably around your age, you’d guess a bit older since he was already a faculty member, would greet you on your first day.

You also weren’t expecting him to be fucking drop dead gorgeous—and you mean ovary melting, cliché totally swooning material. Never in your life have you felt so nervous around a person before. It really wasn’t fair in the slightest. And on top of it all, he was amiable. The two of you got along swimmingly, half in part to how close you are in age and the other half since you’re both mad about biotechnology.

You tried. You really did. Tried not to develop a crush on him. But the more you got to know him, the more days spent together, you felt yourself falling deeper and deeper because it wasn’t just about looks anymore. You liked him. A lot too. You can’t even explain why. You learned rather quickly he’s no lady killer like he’s looks suggested—oh no. He’s the biggest dork you’ve ever met.  And now you’re head over heels with no hope of going back. It was a rather futile attempt to resist it.

Sitting at your desk, you rub your hands over your face trying to get those thoughts out of your head. Or at least shove them to the far depths of your brain so you can continue to act like everything is fine and not like your heart is going to overwork itself anytime he’s anywhere near you. And god—was that getting increasingly difficult. With your first year ending and presenting your research at the National Biotech Conference coming up, the two of you have been spending more and more late nights in the lab together. Alone.

You might as well dig your grave now.

Just a few nights ago the night ended early because he set off the fire alarm making a hot pocket. The two of you too enamored with the project to notice the microwave on the verge of combusting. Why the hell he put it in there for five minutes was beyond you, but he tried to explain that he was planning on taking it out before the timer ran out. The memory of it makes the corner of your mouth quirk upward.

“You bored out of your mind already?” A voice teases from behind you, making you to jolt in your seat.

Speak of the devil.

You turn in your chair to find none other than the root of your problems: Dr. Kuroo. Jesus fuck you can barely look straight at him without feeling some sort of nerves ball up in your stomach.

Giving him a weak smile, you say, “Those all-nighters are really getting the best of me.”

His eyes soften and christ—you need medical help to deal with the way your heart is stuttering in your chest. By the end of this conversation you’re going to need a defibrillator with the way he smiles at you sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “Riiiight. About those….” He avoids your gaze and you already know what’s coming.

“Another one tonight?”

He sighs. “Yeah. Sorry about that. We’re just really down to the wire now. I want to make sure everything is set.”

You wave him off, there’s nothing to apologize for. You knew what you were getting into here. And you know it’s only his second conference as a distinguished member of the community, so he has a standard to uphold.

A startled gasp escapes you when his voice appears right next to your goddamn ear, his warm breath against your skin practically sending you into a frenzy. “You working on the statistics?” The nod you give him is almost imperceptible, afraid any movements from you are going to give away how his proximity is making you feel. His eyes scan your screen before patting you on the shoulder. “Looks good so far, send it to me when you’re done.”

You let out a breath of relief you didn’t know you were holding when he moves away.

How the fuck are you going to survive the next year?

Hell—how are you going to survive a week-long convention with him?

As he heads back to his own desk, Kuroo glances warily around the office to make note of any suspicious onlookers. It’s been harder and harder to keep that professional line with you, and every public conversation you shared he was highly aware to not slip into his easy mannerisms he found himself indulging in during all those late nights. Because fuck him—he liked you. Why did he of all the options get assigned the one graduate student who is his age and is fucking gorgeous on top of your academic prowess?

He never stood a chance.

He is barreling straight towards an academic violation at full speed and his brakes are broken. That’s how bad it is.

But goddamn he can keep it in his pants for the sake of his job and your career.

That sentiment went to shit that night.

You’re late, which almost never happens. He can count on one hand the times you’ve been late. And you always texted him with your ETA and an explanation but tonight…silence. He knows you haven’t left, he saw you a little over an hour ago speaking to Dr. Yu, and a quick trip to your desk confirms it; all your stuff is still here.

He’s lucky to catch Dr. Yu on his way out, asking if he knows of your whereabouts. “You haven’t seen her?” His brows lift. “Must’ve gotten caught up in the library. Said she was going to stop by there before your meeting.”

Kuroo does an excellent job of hiding his confusion. Meeting? Is that what you’ve been disguising your all-nighters with him as to your colleagues?

That means you feel there’s a reason to keep it a secret.

Or is he reading too far into it?

Nonetheless, he strides towards the library, irked to find most of the lights off and it utterly silent inside. He checks the table area first, then peruses the shelf, peeking down each to see if you’re actually in here. It’s likely you already left and are now waiting for him in the lab in the time since he’s begun looking for you.

He finds you in one of the farthest corners of the library and it isn’t until he approaches you does he realize the situation he’s just put the two of you in.

Alone.

In the dark library.

You’re sat deep into an armchair, legs curled up underneath you, head resting on your hand while you flip through the pages of a book sitting in your lap. You look so picturesque he can’t help but stare for a few seconds before clearing his throat to alert you to his presence.

He scares the absolute shit out of you.

Leaping out of the chair, the book clattering to the floor, you shout, “Holy fu—Dr. Kuroo! You can’t just do that!” Then you blink, like your brain is catching up to you, then you frantically check your watch and outwardly groan. “I knew I should have set an alarm. Sorry, just lost track of time back here.” Smirking softly, he takes a step forward, bending to pick up the book sprawled on the floor. He hands it to you, your fingertips brushing his, a jolt of lightning spearing through you at the contact.

Every sense of yours is filled with his presence, your head clouded with thoughts of what if you just…closed that gap. What would happen if you took just one step forward? Would he let you run your hands over his chest, snaking around his neck to tangle into his dark hair? What would it feel like to press your body against his?

Holy hell—you need to get out of here.

It’s then that you realize you’ve been staring at him.

And that he’s holding your gaze, his golden eyes locked onto yours. The air is so charged you feel like your entire body is buzzing, urging you to indulge in the thoughts swirling in your head. You open your mouth to break the silence, grasping at any sense of logic you have left to end this dangerously tempting situation.

Kuroo’s last strand of self-control splintered the moment he caught you staring at him so intently. The same thoughts weaving through his head as yours, the fantasy he’s had for months now of holding you against him, his lips pressed to yours, is so tantalizingly close he can barely stand it.

So, he comes to decision. Before this opportunity eludes him, he has to act now. He watches as your mouth opens, your better judgement clearly still intact, and before you can get a word out, he leans down to kiss you. His hands finding their way to your waist, tugging you to him, he’s pleasantly delighted to find you sink into him. Your own hands reaching up to curl into his shirt, soft mouth moving against his own, he almost groans at how you’re reacting to him.

He’s intoxicating, the way his fingers are digging into the skin of your waist, how his tongue slips into your mouth, you can barely keep your feet underneath you. What’s even more exhilarating to you is that he initiated this.

He wanted you too.

The thought makes you a bit dizzy.

When he feels your hands travel from his collar to slip your fingers through his hair, this time he can’t help it, a deep pleased sound escaping him, rumbling through your entire body and sending heat straight to your core. Jesus Christ this man his going to be the absolute death of you.

“Fuck,” he mutters, his hands roam from your waist to cup your ass, using the leverage to press you even closer to him, letting you feel just what exactly you’re doing to him. All he can think is that he wants more, he wants you underneath him, chest heaving, moaning his name and no one else’s. With that on his mind, he splays his fingers out underneath your thighs, intending on lifting your legs around him.

The action turns your brain back on, the gears working hard through the haze clouding your mind, realizing where exactly this is going. Your sense of reason finally coming through, screaming: Stop! What the fuck are you doing?! Instinctively, you shove him away from you.

He blinks in surprise as he stumbles back into the bookshelf, thrown off by your sudden rejection.

Your heart crumbles seeing his hurt expression. It’s no use denying it anymore. You want him. So bad that you were this close to throwing all caution to the wind just now. But you can’t, not under the circumstances. He is your colleague. Your superior. What the hell were you thinking?!

Steeling your resolve, you say quietly, “Kuroo…I—That…that shouldn’t have happened.”

You can’t even look at him, too afraid of what will happen if you do.

He knows you’re lying.

He stares at you for a moment, considering all his options. Truly, he’d like to just gather you up in his arms, assuring you everything will be fine, and kissing your worries away until you melt beneath him again. But he knows that’s crossing the line. Instead, he settles on making his feelings clear. He wants you to know where he stands. He doesn’t want you to think what just happened meant nothing to him. But he’s willing to give you space to put your thoughts together.

“I need you to look at me,” he says.

You bite your lip. “I can’t.” Now your throat feels tight with the effort of keeping tears at bay. Why is it like this? Why did you have to meet him in this way? He says your name like a command, so you ball your fists in determination and raise your watery eyes to meet his.

With such surety and resolve it just about makes you burst into tears, he tells you clearly, “I’m so head over heels for you it’s not even funny.”

He’s right, this isn’t funny. It’s anything but. And he’s making it worse by being so goddamn perfect you want to scream. The universe must really be a bitch for putting you through this, making you fall in love with someone who is so off limits. You can feel your heart wilting within your chest as you plead, “I need to leave.”

He lets you go, despite every instinct telling him not to. He spends the night in the lab alone, barely getting anything done through his ever-present thoughts of you. He tries to remain hopeful, that somehow this will all work out. That on Monday you’ll come to work, and everything will be alright.

Monday morning, he finds out you’ve put in a request to join a separate project.

He doesn’t know what to do with the growing hole forming in his chest.

And neither do you.

~

part two part three part four 

[blue-likethebird]

Shimizu Kiyoko: A Meta

Recently, Haikyuu finished its last match and ended an 8-year run in Shonen Jump. I love Haikyuu. It has so many unique characters with complex motivations, a plot that had me invested for 4 years straight, good pacing and a fanbase full of talented creators. It had a big impact on my style as an author and even motivated me to try out for my school’s volleyball team back in middle school (but I ended up getting hit in the head with a serve and cut after the first tryouts ended rip.) But like every story, Haikyuu had a few flaws too.

Shimizu Kiyoko is without a doubt one of my favourite characters after Michimiya and Suga. But when I reread the series following the manga’s end, I had the uncomfortable realization that as much as I love Kiyoko, the way her character was handled fell into a few -kinda misogynistic- pitfalls. Well, this is me taking a closer look at that. Below the cut is the full meta, which contains spoilers for the final arc of Haikyuu!! You’re free to add your thoughts, argue that I’m wrong, or call me a bitch and block me at your own discretion!

In fairness, Haikyuu is a series about a boys’ volleyball team, and that premise doesn’t leave much room for girls outside of the supporting cast. At the very least, Furudate did a good job making the female characters in his series likeable individuals with distinct personalities who have lives of their own outside of the guys. Even characters like Michimiya, Kanoka and Mika -who are comparatively minor characters serving romantic roles in the story- have identities not revolving around their relationships with boys. I’m glad that the girls were allowed to express ugly emotions, have supportive relationships with one another, and weren’t solely defined by what guys they were in love with. On that level, Haikyuu is leaps and bounds better than a lot of other shonen mangas ie Boruto’s Dad.

Unfortunately, Kiyoko’s arc fell slightly short of the mark. In the grand scheme of things, she really didn’t have much to do and her identity as a character is comparatively murkier than others once you strip away her relationships with the men in Haikyuu. Given her potential, popularity, and the higher standards Haikyuu set for its ladies, it’s a bit disappointing.

“But blue!” Someone in the back row pipes up. “You said yourself that Kiyoko isn’t a main character! Authors don’t develop the supporting cast nearly as much as the protagonists!”

Well yeah. If authors expanded on every character to the extent they expand on the lead, then it would be impossible to get to the actual plot. But hey, Oikawa appears less frequently than Kiyoko does and his motivations and interests are given time to develop. Heck, Yachi only joined the cast in chapter 73 and the series explores her interest in art and relationship with her mother really well during her introduction. We don’t know Kiyoko’s family situation, or why she quit track, or what drives her to put so much of her own time into the volleyball club. And the scenes where she has an impact on the story, or the game going on, or Hinata’s quest to become a great volleyball player, or another character she interacts with are few and far between when stacked up against other members of Karasuno’s volleyball club. The only exception would be Kinoshita and Narita, who have the bad luck of being Haikyuu’s version of “those two guys” so that’s not exactly the best demonstration of what Kiyoko has to offer.

Then there’s my beef with the pedestal she’s dropped on: Both in canon and out, Kiyoko is presented as a perfect goddess who can do no wrong. This setup has so much room to expand on and deconstruct, which dozens of stories have done incredibly well. Even Haikyuu itself has done a similar thing through Kageyama’s relationship with the other Kitadaii alumni and the “king of the court” storyline. Yet Kiyoko never gets a chance to explain her feelings on being held to such a high standard, nor is it ever brought up as something that could be uncomfortable for her. It’s briefly implied that she’s somewhat out of her element when she’s the centre of attention in the “do your best” scene, but that’s not really touched on further. Given that haikyuu has acknowleged being held to unreachable standards is damaging, it would have made sense to acknowledge Kiyoko’s perspective too. Is she insecure about being considered flawless? Is it something that brings her confidence or boosts her ego? Idk, because it’s never explained clearly. It’s like a porcelain doll: Kiyoko is perfect, but by keeping her up on a high shelf to maintain that perfection, we miss the chance to get a closer look that could help further our appreciation of her.

It’s not that being one of the less dynamic characters is inherently a misogynistic pratfall, since there are plenty of male characters out there who could give a cardboard box a run for its money in terms of complexity. However, given that Kiyoko’s character is already floundering among all the unaddressed idealizations around her, to have so little opportunity to address that and how damaging it can be, well it’s not great to say the least. She’s also one of the only characters in the whole series to suffer from this particular burden. It’s kinda difficult to handwave that as just a weird coinky dink that Kiyoko’s not given more development while the arrival of Lev at Nekoma warranted a dissection of how this affects their dynamic. 

This all builds up to a defining moment. The one that made me realize how Shimizu Kiyoko had never quite escaped the trap so many other shonen manga ladies since Sakura and Orehime had fallen victim to.

The reveal that she and Tanaka got married between the end of nationals and the time skip. That was when I realized that for all I loved her and the series she was a part of, the writing surrounding her was misogynistic. 

I have a... variety of emotions about this particular relationship’s road to becoming canon, and they’re not especially positive emotions either. I could prattle on for ages about the execution or buildup, and a whole other post could be written about why I always interpreted her as a lesbian, but that’s best saved for another time. How was Kiyoko falling in love with Tanaka a weak point?

To put it bluntly, it’s because she didn’t.

We’re shown over and over again that Tanaka has feelings for Kiyoko. That was established in basically the first scene they appeared together in. What irks me is that she never gets the same: that the ‘hints’ that Kiyoko returns those feelings barely qualify as hints at all. Yet, with one scene where Tanaka carries her bag, we’re supposed to believe that the few scraps of interest she’s shown throughout the 300+ chapters of the manga they’ve both appeared in is a strong enough end point to lead to them getting hitched. Come to think of it, is there ever even a scene outside of the bag carrying where they spoke one-on-one about anything meaningful? Did Tanaka ever get to see her as more than her pedestal that we saw? The scene they ended off on is where most romance arcs start for heaven’s sake, and it ultimately disservices both characters. 

Once again, poor Kiyoko got screwed over by the series denying her a chance to express her feelings, and the marriage bomb came off as less of a satisfying conclusion to either of their arcs and more like a one-sided “wear the girl down” pullout where the girl in question is treated more like a prize than part of a healthy relationship. That kind of “romance” is more at home in a cliche action bland-com than Haikyuu, where the relationships are written with more complexity. This would have so easily been avoided with even one throwaway line. But since Kiyoko never got to express her own feelings, a crucial building block to a satisfying romantic arc was left out and the whole relationship toppled over like a jenga tower.

To wrap this up, lemme say that Haikyuu is one of my favourite series and one of the strongest shonen or sports manga I’ve read. I love both Kiyoko and Tanaka both a fuck ton, and I’m incredibly grateful that Furudate gave us such a powerful series these past eight years. None of this is me trying to bash the author, story, or any of the characters and I’m definitely not trying to argue that they’re in any way problematic. This is merely one interpretation of the series and an examination of a relatively minor part of the genuinely enjoyable whole. My goal in writing this longass meta wasn’t to condemn. But, in a manga whose biggest strength is having such well-rounded characters, it’s still somewhat of a shame that so much of Kiyoko’s potential stayed just that: potential. Haikyuu is a series that’s well-known for giving complex personal stories to all its cast from major player to one-chapter rivals. Why is it that Shimizu Kiyoko -who’s been a regular presence in the story since the very first chapter- couldn’t get the same?