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baronaliswritingcorner · 4 months ago

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Tales of Symphonia Stray Thoughts #9: Fooji Mountains/Meltokio

-"Dammit! At that moment, facing the decision between Colette and the world... For a split second, I chose the world."

Colloyd right off the bat! 😭

I may've brought this up before, but this idea of an impossible choice is a recurring theme throughout the game and one that instantly strikes through the hearts of players. In putting us in Lloyd's shoes, who wouldn't waver in choosing between the life of one's friend (more than friend?) and the entire world? I'll sing the praises of Lloyd's idealism in future installments, but I think its firmest stepping stone in onboarding us is how the game humanizes his reaction to this life-or-death situation.

...of course, all this is immediately undermined by the following skit.

-"MAN THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE FLOWN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS!"

Well, that's certainly exciting, to be sure. But to come off just after that...can't help but wonder if it's a method of cope.

(By the way, this is around the time the "Lloyd Confesses His Love" skit pops up, yes? I remember it had a very particular trigger, but alas, I didn't go for it this time around. Still, highlighted for obvious reasons.)

-"Because they're elves."

I say this to myself now and then.

-Fooji Mountains...that's the game's one other distinct Japanese name for a locale. And the inspiration ain't exactly subtle. Could there be a connection between it and Mizuho...?

-"I would assume he's upset about the crash."

okay, seriously. how did noishe get on the rheairds. was he even in the renegade base at the time. actually, was he even on the dragons for the tower of salvation. how does this all work.

my colloyd day fic may've been one big comedy but dirk still had a great point here

-man when you step out into Tethe'alla and hear those bells ring...anyone got an emoji of that one Pacha meme? You know the one. "These hills sing."

-Speaking of music, I just remembered playing this game as a lad and my brother came in and started pantomiming the Meltokio harpsichord just to piss me off lol. Miss ya, bro.

-"The people of Mizuho were chased from this land. We all live in hiding."

Hmm! What's the story there? Tune in next time as I present a possible link...

-Colette kicking the dog. Poor dog. Wonder if she was conscious for that. Must've been mortified. I hope she and the dog reconcile.

-What kinda name for a hotel is Sancta Cassius

-so how does colette spend nights at the inn when she's soulless

does she sleep under the covers or just stand there all night

maybe lloyd snuggles her close

imagine

-Speaking of heartless Colette, did you know she can still cook in that condition? Visualize that for a moment. Fic potential right there!

-The Zelos debut scene is a fan-favorite, but all I can look at now is how small the city looks. Ah, primitive 2003 graphics.

-"No offense, but I'm not interested in talking to guys"

zelloyd shippers rip

(...yeah, right, like that's ever stopped the yaoi juice LOL) -yo they really just had genis say ass. he's twelve. why didn't raine smack him. Localization flub, I suppose, but I don't think he's the type of character of swear.

-Maid outside coliseum: "I will completely devote myself to serving you, but gentlemen with cosplay fetishes are not welcome."

...I never saw this line before. o_o

Well then, sexual fetishes are canon in the Symphoniaverse. Who knew?

-"This gap between rich and poor is one of the characteristics of Meltokio."

yeah well fuck you too lady

-"You there, put on some kind of performance for me."

I made Lloyd run around in circles for this lady for about thirty seconds. Unfortunately, my lack of a recording device means you'll never see this attempt to please the aristocracy. Please understand.

-"The Church of Martel is preparing a prayer ritual to pray for His Majesty’s recovery, so try asking the priests in the church to ensure that he gets well as soon as possible."

OH BOY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!! From the very institution poisoning the king, no less! Look, kinks are one thing, but I don't wanna be reminded of political nihilism when playing a childhood favorite. Get outta here, chump.

-"Your shift's up."

This seemingly irrelevant dialogue's meant to show how the new guards don't recognize Lloyd's party. Despite them being right there.

-"This is the Martel cathedral. It's the largest temple in Tethe'alla."

bruh it's barely bigger than the one in palmacosta

if even that

namco you silly

-"That girl he called Presea has an Exsphere too. Is that a standard custom over here?"

Lloooooooyd. Sheena already said that's not the case.

-wtf is vharley's haircut even

-why're they trying to lift the sacred wood when the handle's right there

-Lloyd: "Oh my g-"

Hmm, is "oh my god" an euphemism in Sylvarant?

-"I've lost all confidence as a man."

A classic Lloyd line right here, lol. Can't blame him.

-I'd point out how Tara Strong -- an industry all-timer -- does a fantastic job in conveying Presea's robotic monotony, but after her racist Twitter screeds, that's kinda...yeah. My ability to separate art from the artist varies, but at least I can push that out of mind here.

Shame about all that, really. We all complained about DOTNW replacing most of the cast (and for good reason!), but that's one point in favor for a potential remake's recasting.

(...of course, Tales of Symphonia has its own issues in its core theme of racism, but we'll get to that later.)

-"What do we do the sacred wood?"

"Leave it here."

but who's gonna carry it tho

-"You may not approach the throne!"

don't tell me what to do

-lol lloyd's just running around the castle in half-naked scuba gear and none of you chumps get to see it. it's funny. trust me.

-okay how does lloyd punch the papal knight in the back like that

that's not how knocking out people works. especially if they're in full armor like that. stop being silly namco

-IT'S KING JESUS!!! Don't try and tell me that's not intentional. He's a dead-ringer.

-"That means you'll be abandoning Sylvarant." "I don't care."

See? Raine does care! Ah, I just live for those moments when her beating half-elf heart breaks through her hardened cynicism. She's a gem.

-I rag on the localization sometimes, but they do a great job bringing Zelos to life here. Masaya Onosaka is a massively talented seiyuu, but the truth is you'll never channel a 1:1 adaption for any foreign product, so the key is balancing the original's spirit with your respective language's idiosyncrasies and the like.

This isn't always successful, of course -- and given the rigors of translation/localization, I'm willing to give the industry some slack -- but the character's larger-than-life personality remains intact and we're left with perhaps the game's most compelling character: a carefree barrel of laughs complementing the troubled nihilist within.

(And, as we'll discuss next time, saddled with outdated sexism/classism galore. Yikes!)

-Right, so, Presea's Klonoa outfit and Zelos's beach outfit...perfectly goofy. Looking forward to continue thoroughly undermining every serious scene!

#tales of symphonia #tales of symphonia stray thoughts #tos replay #tethe'alla #zelos wilder #presea combatir #colloyd #lloyd irving

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pesterloglog · 11 months ago

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Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5815-5819

GG: Is everything ok?

TG: yeah he just wanted to make sure i dont hate him like yall do which you dont even

GG: I... see.

TG: so im just talking to him a bit to help him not feel bad

TG: sorry

GG: That's ok.

GG: You were saying?

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin

TG: i mean if you want to know

GG: Yes.

GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time.

GG: And I didn't say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn't doing the right thing before.

GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink?

GG: Was I just being a bad friend?

TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit

TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem

TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so

TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

GG: How long do you think it's been a problem?

TG: i dont know its hard to say exactly when i started getting real carried away

TG: just at some point i discovered a load of my moms centurys old booze in the house

TG: and i didnt have much to relate to her by except her books

TG: so i felt like drinking was a way to be more like her

TG: or be closer to her kinda

TG: and there was nobody around except the silly chess people

TG: who in a way just made me feel more alone

TG: cause they reminded me i was only one of two humans left and the other was an ocean away

TG: so little by little

TG: i got out of hand

TG: and one of the only things i had to look forward to was the idea that the game was supposed to be able to bring my mom back

TG: assuming i even decided to help the batterwitch out by playing at all

GG: But it turned out you couldn't bring her back. At least not the way you thought.

GG: So what was it that made you finally decide to give it up?

TG: well

TG: thats pretty much what it was

TG: when i first went to lopan i saw my sprite there

TG: so i got out my bottle of momslime and was all ready for the bestest most poignant reunion ever

TG: and thats when the juggalo struck

TG: and i just knew the witch had fucked me over AGAIN

TG: cause what other hag is insane enough to get juggalos to do her dirty biz nigh exclusively???

TG: NO HAGS BUT HER

TG: and i was so pissed and so distraught about that goddamn clown squandering my sprite

TG: so i got crazy drunk and felt the super sorriest for myself i ever did

TG: but little did i know there would be a lovely silver lining to the debacle

GG: Dear, sweet, precious Fefeta!

TG: :3

TG: she became a great friend

TG: and whats more was she told me not to worry

TG: that my mom would be comin anyway and all i had to do was wait a while

TG: and i believed her cause she knew stuff + was THA BEST

TG: so thats when i decided to clean up my act

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever

TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

TG: she sure didnt look like no drunk

TG: oh!

TG: jane did i mention

TG: i saw her in a dream today!

GG: No!

TG: shes real young tho

TG: like our age

TG: and she looks so pretty and happy

TG: not like a girl w booze challenges

TG: i think her fav color must be orange just like dirk

TG: she was wearin the same sunny orange nighty deal i caught a glimpse of her in v briefly another time

TG: and oh...

TG: she also called me mom?

GG: Huh?

TG: huh is right

TG: u know im really not sure if shes actually my mom

TG: but i do know were totes genetically related somehow

TG: i just think theres more to it than we know

GG: I guess we'll find out!

GG: Whoa...

GG: The whole place was shaking for a moment there.

TG: wut

#homestuck #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #homestuck act 6 #page 5815 #page 5816 #page 5817 #page 5818 #page 5819 #homestuck act 6 act 5 #homestuck act 6 act 5 act 1 x2

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itstheendofthegoddamnworld · 3 years ago

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Aarakocra Boyfriend: Enzo

This is for 2,000 of you lovely people following me. Thank you all so much! <3 This took more than a week to write, all thanks to writer’s block and burnout, so I’m thankful that I somehow managed to get this out lol.

Also, may or may not have gotten inspiration from Revali-- anyway, enjoy!

Part 2

Relationship: male monster x female reader

Burning Heart

Fresh snow. Fresh snow that had fallen a hundred-foot deep, cleansing the land for eternity.

"The last time I saw snow this deep, I was just a little boy, still clutched to my mother, unaware of how big the world was." Your companion marvelled. "My father was smart enough to never go further up north—he reminded me. I did not gain his intellect."

Calder was a man who came from the nearby town of Ravensfell, a few days out from Briar, but he had been more of a cold type when it came to first-time introductions. Eventually, you got to open up more of him, little by little. His olive skin, chiselled features and rugged beard made him every female's focus, but the poor man was either too oblivious or polite to acknowledge their flirtations. You couldn't help but laugh at the failed interactions. Poor man, too preoccupied in his own toil.

He became a well-appreciated acquaintance for you on your long travels from town to town, east to west then south to north, but his company was all good experience. After all, he was the best sellsword for the job, merely a guard for you whilst you continued your researches; the sight you needed when you turned your back.

Your team's campaign had led you and your small faction to head further up north, to a small village of Oakendenn full of proud and efficient warriors, the bird folk that had carried the same customs for centuries, evoking both fear and wonder into those who bumped into them. Granted, their seclusion from the world had been brought down quickly when travellers and researchers intent on learning about them came rushing at the chance, ruining their solitude for good.

Stepping foot into their quaint town was certainly a spectacle, having to meet your guide to finding such remains high up in the mountains of Fallde Slopes– if the slopes didn't kill you, the snowstorms could freeze the group within hours if they didn't take the right precautions or clothing.

"You say there is a guide who will help us?" The small dirk in your hand was smooth and unused, still brand new as the day you had gotten it. You were situated in the town itself, in a cramped yet warm inn that was all opened up to the elements, trying to remain unaware of the cold stares of the innkeepers.

"He's one of the finest warriors, apparently. Familiar to the lands and every speck of snow that litters this land," Calder's laugh was hearty. "Must pity us for our lack of feathers and wings."

"The Aarakocras are fierce, brutal they are with fighting as they are as with foreigners." If there was one thing you learnt, it was that not all the people you ran into would be so welcoming. "Careful you don't offend them. We need their apparent aid."

Calder grumbled something as he tended to the flames of the room, poking them occasionally. "Sooner to be done with this job and we can get out of their feathers, huh?"

"That's it, just think of it like that. And soon, you can be back to the warmth of the south."

"Thank the Gods," Calder smiled sadly. "I don't think I could spend another day away from my little Zerlina." You remembered the girl when you were riding out: a sad, tearful girl the spitting image of her father, tight dark hair so wild and knotted. You had remembered the night before the trip you had brushed them out gently for her the way your mother used to do for you. Just to help Calder out.

The poor man is a good father overall. Even if he doesn't see it.

"She'll be so happy to see you again, Calder. She misses her father dearly." You reassured quietly, watching the man again. He was worn and beaten, littered with scars and thick, burly arms. He longed for home too.

"I hope so too." He stretched, saying his goodnights to you and the others before heading to his cot to sleep. You followed, heading to your own bed before you couldn't find sleep, wishing you had someone to wait for you too.

Even when you remained aloof, you still tried to remain somewhat friendly to strangers, even to the guide who had gone out of his way into helping you. But they certainly what you had been expected.

"It seems I have to be a tour guide for your pesky expedition, hmm?"

The smile from nerves of introducing yourself to him had fallen from your face after hearing the words so sourly come from him. It didn't take much for you to build up the walls high again.

Your hand faltered, just in reach for him to shake, awkwardly pulling away. "So, you're the Enzo we were expecting?"

The first thing you noticed about him was how vivid his feathers were: the brightest compared to his countrymen. Many of reds, oranges and yellows, like red sands of the far south of your home; beaten and threaded like a thousand coppers. It made the winter sun far in the north much more lively. By far the prettiest of the others. You admitted, but only could you wish his personality was as lovely as his appearance.

Another thing you noticed about him was his wings: they were separate from his body, large and tucked behind his back, his hands similar to any humans but with long and curled nails for fingers. His bird body was dressed in what looked like traditional garbs: leather and a basic tunic and pants, his taloned feet poking out and tapping against the ground.

"Your boss was the one who called for me, asking if someone capable of knowing their way around these parts, clearly, you humans don't know much about us Aarakocras," he jeered, eyes a lovely golden colour even when they were staring intimidatingly down at you. "So, you're the one they call the Doctor?"

Clearly too prideful, I've noticed. You scoffed. All too stubborn like the snowstorms. "That is correct."

"So I've noticed," Enzo crossed his arms around his broad chest, the amusement was pooled in those eyes as if he was in on the funniest joke around. "Clearly all of your studies have gone to a degree than in common sense."

You pondered whether it would've been ideal to punch the bird square in the face, or whether provoking him would end with your untimely demise.

Instead, you squared your shoulders, straightening your posture as you pointed just behind him. "You see Fallde Slopes over there? Its hills have been receding in the last 100 years, meaning any day now, your village could be woken up buried under layers and layers of snow. The snow stops here, meaning you and your people could be facing the demolition of this region and its inhabitants." You crossed your arms too, copying him. "I'm just trying to help unless you think my studies had gone elsewhere?"

Enzo scoffed, a puff of feathers that ruffled up. "Let's just resume to what we're good at, hmm?"

If travelling anywhere had taught you anything, it was that you shouldn't trust any higher-ups, believing everything will be smooth sailing.

The reports and samples scattered across the slopes, dancing dangerously too low to the cliff edges, some succumbing more than others, and those in your group scrambled to save them. Enzo remained arrogant as ever, doing little to help and rather smugly watching the ordeal, complaining often that your group were "walking too slow" and "we were running out of time for sunlight".

You were situated in the corner, silently taking note of what was around of little life preserved, before the beating of wings perked your ears. Snow crunched delicately when the Aarakocra stooped beside you, watching with soundless intent.

"So, this is what you do?" He grazed at a small patch of dirt you had brought up beneath the heavy snow. "Looking at dirt and grass?"

"All of this hold important information for us to understand how the landscape is changing," Enzo couldn't help but to have his attention piqued when he heard how almost automatic your response was, informing rather than belittling him. When you looked up to meet his eyes, it was hard to gauge his reaction: head tilted, seemingly drawn in from how far leant to you he was beside you.

He quickly dismissed it, pulling back from the noticeable closeness, and the burning feeling in your chest fluttered too quickly for your liking. "Whatever keeps us alive, I suppose."

Another presence came over to the two of you, heavier than of the Aarakocra. "You think you could help me with this?" Calder was looking over at Enzo, who, also was staring with narrowed eyes at the bearded man.

"Yeah sure," you gave an awkward glance to both men, realising something was piercing the silent air. "Is something going on?"

"No," Enzo, puffed his chest out, giving Calder little regard as he turned his head. "You go off with your dog, I'm needed elsewhere."

You watched him walk away before turning back to Calder, head tilted. "I'm going to pretend nothing happened there."

"Agreed," Calder affirmed, pointing you towards the deeper parts of the woods where the treelines met and increased in sizes and numbers. "I think I might've found something."

"Lead the way." You gestured for him to take the lead, directing you through the trees. The snow was freshest in these parts, untouched and light, airy. A wonderland was discovered in a small corner forgotten from the world. Beautiful. You marvelled. I will never get bored of seeing this.

"What's wrong, Calder?" He stopped you when the two of you reached the middle of the area, overwatching the large view, the mountains dipped and the view from the top pointed directing to the Oakendenn, situated right in the opening of the valley. "It's right in target," Calder addressed, thick eyebrows knitted. "And that means a direct hit for the snow to collapse in on it all."

"We could have a day, week or years before this region is completely smothered." You noted wretchedly. All these reports, research and hypothesis, yet you felt like it all went to no use. It seemed like everything was too late, that hard work going down the drain. "I wish we could've done more."

"And we have, do not fret," Calder reassured, patting your shoulder that you needed from a comforting friend. "And we will do so much more. Let's head back to the others, keep all together."

Right, but still, I feel useless. You dusted the remaining snow off your warm clothes, trying to remind yourself of the crunching snow below, your foot sinking with every few steps. Like everyone relies on you all the time. The only sounds that were heard were the distinct soft crunches of the two of you heading back, before one wretched and horrid resounded, echoing along with the trees, some birds fleeing from their branches of homes.

You looked back to Calder, who looked back in confusion, listening closely to the cracking of the earth as if it had split open. Your right felt for a second as if it was sinking lower, taking your body with you as all your body weight brought you down so suddenly, snow following too, making your body crash into it with force as you waded chest-deep through it.

Your voice was sudden and nervous, watching the ledge you once stood at grow taller and taller above you, a weightless feeling take over your body, the scream of your name as unknown darkness settled around you before you could hit the ground.

The first time you had seen snow, you had been seven, marvelling in wonder with friends at how magical it all seemed. Never did you worry about the eternal cold, of it encasing your entire body and leaving you worthless and alone. You always had the warmth to rely on: warm blankets and hot cocoa and fire to share stories around. The cold was sore and biting, an eternity of nothingness but yourself.

You didn't know how long you had been trapped in darkness: how long you had gone unnoticed or remembered. Maybe this was it... just oblivion and emptiness. You tried to invasion your limbs, your fingers trying to tread through the snow like it was water; too thick to even pass through, but trying and trying to feel your fingers and toes wiggle again.

You clawed and clawed slowly until the darkness lightened and that bleakness turned to hope. You kicked your body out as you breached the surface, coughing and spluttering weakly, an invasion of pure cold and ice felt trapped in your throat.

You laid there with your head against a block of solid ice and snow, trying to steady your breathing, the cold and winds were never-ending, never giving your body a break as all felt numb.

I'm going to die out here. You thought. Will my story be told again? You wanted to laugh, to call for help, but your throat was stinging from its frostiness.

There was a distant, soft sound of tree branches moving and swaying, how the dead leaves swayed and moved with long, drawn moans, wings of small birds flying off from the abrupt noises. The flapping of wings never ceased, ringing in your ears, reminding you didn't have wings yourself to fly off from this nightmare. It was only when you could open your eyes was when you saw the blurred large figure descend in front of you, all feathers and intimidating, you wished to cry out in pain for your misery, but once your eyes focused, did you noticed something familiar about it all.

A rush of feathers, brown and red, as pretty as coppers.

"So, there you are." Enzo's voice was merely a whisper among the howling winds, flapping slowly to the snowy plains in front of you, his body inches from you towering easily over your small frame. You made no noise or voiced your frustration for his words, weakly looking up at him as best as you could.

The blowing winds cast a glow behind his silhouette, watching the Aarakocra bend to kneel in front of you. "Hey," his voice surprised you, a feathered hand on your shoulder, shaking you with almost impatience. "Don't die on me, you hear?"

"Shut up," the words came weakly from you, luring you to sleep, his figure blurring again until you saw three of him, vision dotted. "Enzo..."

"Hush." He wasted no time in collecting you in his arms, cuddling you close to him as he carried you. What shocked you most was how incredibly warm he was, unaffected by the vast cold. You instinctively snuggled closer into his chest, shutting your eyes and shuddering. "Let's get you out of here."

You didn't respond, feeling how there was a surge of air moving around you both, your body growing lighter and head more lightheaded as he flapped his wings, the winds more biting against your exposed face and neck.

The harsh winds or the cold went straight to your head, pulling you in and out of consciousness, wrapped tightly in the arms that allowed you to feel a sense of safety to slip beyond the darkness, to rest your eyes for a moment.

There was an aching drive for warmth that slowly spread through you, taking over your body, making you want to drink it in greedily. When your eyes opened once more to a flickering flame, dancing and roaring, filling its beauty in the room. Just opposite you in the small room, knelt Enzo, tending to something he was pouring into a bowl.

"Where are we?" Your voice felt worse with wear, hoarse and not tended to. Enzo flinched, his feathers bright and shimmering against the colour of the flames, making him seem like a risen phoenix, an enigma in your eyes.

In his hands, the bowl was passed to you, his own in hand as he watched you gauge your reaction, before answering, "A cave I found, a few days out from Oakendenn."

"And the others? And Calder-"

"For the love of the Gods, can you for once think about yourself?" His words weren't snappy or aloof, more full of weary and strain. He laughed tiredly. "Honestly, little doctor, do you think before you go out so recklessly?"

Your cheeks rouged at the little nickname, ignoring it for the time being until it would nag the part of your brain for answers. "All in the name of science."

"Yes, well there won't be any science if you're frozen to death." He hesitated momentarily, before slipping a warm blanket around your shoulders, securing it carefully. "You're still a valuable asset."

To who exactly though? You questioned, silently snuggling into the blanket further. There was a strong smell of mint that was strong in your nostrils, pleasant and warm, luring you to tranquillity. It smelt a lot like him somehow, and your heartbeat raced with bashfulness.

You watched from your peripheral, the Aarakocra shuffling to sit beside you properly, his gaze never seeming to leave yours. “You’re doing an awful lot for me, Enzo.�� For someone who dislikes me, and I, supposedly too.

But even that seemed like a lie. Enzo scoffed, his laugh light and airy like the frozen air. “Seems to me someone is just enjoying the company.” He shuffled closer to you, awkwardly throwing an arm around you for further comfort. “If you manage to not become a human popsicle, maybe—just maybe, will I show you around my hometown.”

Not only had his soft words thrown you off, but the feeling of his arm around you seemed not to be of great surprise. “What do you mean?” You scrambled for the right words.

“I’ve dealt with a lot of humans in my time, taking them up and down these mountains,” he said. “Not one of them had wildly gone down one of the slopes. You think that can go so smoothly with me and my reputation?”

“Your reputation, huh?” You laughed, spluttering into it when it tickled the back of your throat harshly. Enzo had placed a cup of water on your lips hastily, eyeing you with fake disdain you hoped. “You have a great reputation for the ladies or something?”

“Hmph, if that’s what humans like to think of it, then no.” He snorted, his eyes shifting. In this low, dim light, they seemed to be practically glowing. “Gods, that sounds terrible.”

There was a laugh shared between the two of you for a moment, onlooking the fire soundlessly, an unexpectedly calm atmosphere settling. You sighed, resting against his shoulder, resting your head into the bed of warm feathers, the smell of mint intense. “I’ll take that promise if you’re keeping with it.”

Enzo laughed warmly, shutting his eyes, the body growing slack as he hummed quietly to himself. “That’s good to hear.”

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#aarakocra #dnd aarakocra #aarakocra boyfriend #exophilia #monster exophilia #female reader x male monster #male monster #snarky monster #aarakocra oc #aarakocra x reader #monster love #poc reader

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hongjoongtrasher · 4 years ago

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the beauty and the beast (chapter 2)

word count: 5k around

angst, fluff, smut

triger warnings: mention of child abuse, violence etc.

series masterlist

Synopsis:

When you move to a new city due to your father's job, you don't expect to stay for a long and so decided not to get attached to the world around you.

But still, you are "the new girl", unwillingly attracting people's attention because of your family's background. Your strict father expects a lot from you, not to say perfection. And when you are sit next to a certain Jung Yunho, you didn't expect your life to take a radical turn

Yunho always have been hating wealthy people. Or just people who were boasting about all the damn money they had and he hadn’t. Oh maybe it was childish to hate richer than himself, but he didn’t hate them for no reasons. He always felt disgusted by their pity, the way they would just «burn some cash » because they could, because they had too much. He concluded every rich guy was like this, and you weren’t an exception. At the very moment his eyes landed on your person, he could instantly feel this familiar aura. A daddy’s girl, probably richer than everyone’s parents in this school. And just the fact of you sitting next to him was driving him crazy.

He ignored you all the time. And he was glad in a way you didn’t try to talk to him, because he would have snapped all his hatred he was feeling towards people like you. But for a fact, he could admit that you weren’t acting like other rich kids around. The way you flinched when his friend was about to lift his hand at you, also the fact you were lonelier than he thought. Oh yes he indeed noticed you being the silent girl around, and at first he thought it was because you were the new girl, and that it was just a facade and soon or later you would just boast like the others.

It’s already been two weeks since you arrived here and yet you were as quiet as usual. You tried to acclimatize to every thing but as the good girl you were, your father thought it was a good opportunity for you to get into extra classes. Last night, you came back home near midnight, exhausted by this long day after studying like crazy. That’s why you didn’t even care to look at Yunho this morning when you sat down, as usual not peeping a word to him since the incident on the rooftop. Actually you tried to flip over and over again the same problem. Why he hated you this much ? But after some days, you understood he was hating every one the same way. Skipping classes, or when he was making act of presence just sleeping on his desk became the routine but today he was here. You quietly opened your bag to settle your pencils and workbooks. Yunho’s back facing you while he was probably taking a nap. Your English teacher came and when she started the class, she stated. « Alright guys, today you’ll be paired up. I want you to improvise a short sketch with what you learnt this past week. Just pair up with your neighbor. You have fifteen minutes »

Your eyes widened at her statement as you felt your heart throbs violently into your chest. Being in a team with Yunho was probably the last thing you thought which could become true today. And speaking of him, you heard a groan next to you, making you freezing as he slowly turned to you before staring at you.

« Just telling you, I don’t have a clue of what she said, so don’t expect me to do well »

How nonchalant he was at this moment almost made you scoff.

« You should have been here then. » you groaned back while opening your notebook.

His brows quirked at how you answered to him.

« Someone got more brave huh ? » he said before straightening on his chair and looked at the textbook of yours on your desk and took it to read the last two pages to your astonishment.

« Didn’t bring it, so I’ll just use yours. » he explained as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

« Great. » you answered and just scribbles some words on a page. You didn’t want to waste your time for such a jerk like him? At least you would have done your task by yourself, just for yourself and not him. You couldn’t let Yunho drag your grades down…You couldn’t just relax yourself.

Some silence installed between you two while others students were trying to do the task your teacher asked, but instead, Yunho took time to actually look at you. Somehow you looked exhausted, non to say to the verge of fainting. Your lips were pale, and dirk circles could be seen under your eyes.

« Didn’t sleep well last night ? » he asked randomly as he pretended to read the book under his eyes.

You badly wanted to ignore him. What the heck ? Just few weeks ago he openly said he hated you so you just accepted this fact and now he was chatting like you as nothing happened ?

« Studied late » you answered drily.

« Ha, I see you went to those extra classes which are costing your butt’s skin. »

You offered him a dark glare, making him look into your eyes. If course he wasn’t attending any of this, so he couldn’t really understand the situation you were in.

« And ? Is it going to change your life ? »

He shrugged.

« No, but I guess you’re a hardcore student » he hummed before he took his pencil to write down some words on his own paper. « Must be so boring » he added mockingly.

You wanted to answer back to him and spit how rude he was from the first place. You acknowledged the fact your life was boring as fuck, you were the first one to say it, but there were limits to making fun of this matter. Soon your teacher clapped her hands to catch everyone’s attention.

« Alright guys, it’s time. Who want to go first ? »

It was the usual game of « I don’t know what you’re saying », essentially based on avoid your teachers’ eyes and doing as you was busy enough not to make her choosing you. Your teacher smirked. « I see everyone’s eager to go, soooo…Y/N and Yunho, you go first. »

You panicked a bit, because except this little conversation you both hadn’t talked at all about your coed work. But Yunho didn’t seem bothered by this at all and stood up with his paper and just nudged your shoulder so you could stand up and go to the front with him. What was he playing at ?

Actually you thought Yunho was someone who didn’t give a shit to studies. His consecutive absences were not helping for his case but surprisingly, he opened the sketch with a good English. So good that you were surprised, making you go blank for a second. He looked at you before moving his lips silently « Y/N. » You shook your head and continued this weird play. At the end, your teacher seemed satisfied by your work and allowed you to go back to your sits so the next pair could go on.

When you sat down again, you looked at Yunho again.

« I thought you would’t do well » you mumbled.

He laughed lowly and it troubled you. It was the first time you heard him laugh. The first time he wasn’t showing hostility to you.

« You may think I’m a lazy ass, but I got some things stocked in this » he whispered, pointing at his head before leaning back on his chair.

Classes ended soon for the usual lunch break. Yunho got up and got out of the room without a word for you, as usual. Today you decided to stay into the classroom to eat. You never went back on the rooftop since you met the three boys. As you were unpacking the lunchpack you got from Sookja, you just took some time to think about this morning. Was Yunho being nice to you a sign to be more suspicious of him ? You were into your thought when you heard a voice calling your name.

« Y/N ? »

You looked up and saw a girl standing at your desk.

« Huh…Yeah ? »

She smiled to you and said.

« I’m Jisoo, erm…we’re in the same class and…I…Would you like to eat lunch with me ? » she asked shyly.

You were flustered by this sudden proposition. It was the first time someone was reaching out for you since you were in this school. Jason was a petite girl, with shorts hair and pink round cheeks. She looked nice so you couldn’t say no.

« Of course, but…mh, are you sure ? I’m not a good company » you confessed, embarrassed by this.

« I figured out you were eating alone every day and mhhh, I…just want to know you better you see ? I mean, don’t get me wrong ! I’m not approaching you because you’re the newbie or rich girl around ! »

You chuckled at her answer and made some space for her to eat your lunch on this tight desk.

« Thanks…actually I don’t feel like eating with a lot of people » you mumbled, peeling a boiled egg.

Jisoo looked surprised by your statement.

« Why not ? Well, people aren’t trying neither but…It would be a pity to let you out right ? You seem nice, so… »

Jisoo unpacked her own pink lunchbox where cherry tomatoes and egg roll and others nice things were lying inside.

« That’s cute ! Are you cooking it yourself ? » you said, trying to make a conversation.

She nodded with a proud smirk.

« Yes ! I like cooking, but since I’d pack too much I’m doing basic things. You ? Looks good as well. »

« Mh…Actually I don’t know how to cook » you answered uneasily.

« Oh must be your mom then ? »

It was a slippery subject, but since Jason made the genuine effort to come and talk to you, you didn’t feel like making up lies.

« I don’t have a mom…Huh, I mean I have one, but my parents divorced when I was little and…never seen her since » you mumbled, eating piece of kimchi.

Jisoo’s expression went bad and you could easily know why, so you quickly said.

« It’s fine, don’t worry, I don’t try to see her neither so I’m used to. Instead we have a housekeeper. She’s making my lunch every day, so I guess it’s like a mom. »

« Oh…I’m sorry still. I didn’t know »

You gave her a comforting smile as you two ate your lunch peacefully, getting to know each other’s better.

« Say, I saw you this morning with Yunho… Is he nice with you ? » asked Jisoo out of the blue.

You almost had forgotten about your gloomy classmate, so you hummed in hesitation.

« He’s a jerk, the first day I arrived he just openly said he hates me » you groaned, packing back your empty box.

« He hates every one outta here » Jisoo added, not seemed surprised. « But…there are a lot of rumours about him » she said lowly as if she was scared someone would overhear her words.

You arched a brow, curious about those said rumours.

« What kind of rumours ? »

« He’s fighting a lot with other people, basically a bad boy. You’ve seen it already, but he’s skipping classes a lot and no one really knows what he’s doing. » Jisoo explained. « I’ve never seen him hitting someone myself, but …be careful ? I don’t want him to hurt you or anyone else around »

Was he this terrible ? The image of Yunho laughing this morning was still lingering into your head. So you just nodded at her advice. It was almost time for classes again so Jisoo left you and friendly waved her hand at you before going back to her desk while other people were coming back. You expected Yunho to skip class again, but surprisingly his tall figure appeared before the bell rang. He got back to his desk and again laid his head on the desk, ignoring you in the process.

It was Korean history class, and it would be a lie to say it was boring as hell. Although you were still taking notes of every thing, Yunho was still acting like a dead body. He didn’t say a word to you for the rest of the day. And at 5pm sharp, you got out from school to go to your extra classes. You’re still drained from your day, and the idea to study more was giving you a headache. By chance, you were allowed to go alone there, taking the bus.

That’s how Yunho saw you walking to the bus stop while he was going to his motorbike, helmet in his hand. You were a weird girl. Never before he got interested into a girl, all being the same when it comes to approach him for his bad boy vibe like. Bullshit. He hated those childish girls, but surprisingly you didn’t have this side into your attitude. Again, Yunho was shocked to think about you from time to time. « Get yourself back Jung Yunho » his conscious told him before he saw the bus passing by his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Days were flying by and your first mock exams were coming at the corner. You had worked like a slave for this days, sleeping few hours a night to study more and more, the menacing shadow of your father planning above your head. Jisoo was eating lunch with you every day since. You girl got closer after few days and you considered her like your friend. She was the first person to hear about your familial situation and the gape, or more the ravine between you and your father. You must say it was a relief to be able to confess every thing to someone exterior to your house.

Jisoo seemed pissed off when you told her you were used not to get attached to people due to you moving almost every year to another city.

« That’s so awful ! » she cried, grabbing the carton of fruit juice you got from the machine.

« Yeah…My father is a stone cold asshole » you mumbled, the straw between your lips.

« Girl, when exams are over, let’s have fun alight ? Fight me if your father says no ! »

Jisoo was so cute. You couldn’t imagine this little girl tossing her fists at your father, but somehow the image was funny. That’s how you promised you would.

This day again you had to go to extra classes, and today was really a day you wished someone would ditch you from this living hell. Waiting at the bus stop, you were spacing out when you heard the sound of a roaring engine before it stopped right before you. The man on the moto lifted the smoked visor on his helmet to reveal his face. You heart stopped when you recognise Yunho. You didn’t know you he could drive such a thing but he seemed proud of it as he smirked to you.

« Need a drive ma’am ? » he asked.

What the fucking hell ? One day he was ignoring you like a ghost and another day he was talking to you and now proposing you to ride his moto ?

« Wha- I don’t understand, what are you trying to do here ? » you groaned back as he stabilised himself and just throw at you another helmet.

« Wear this. » he ordered without answering your question.

You looked at him in hesitation. Was he serious ? Or was he trying to drag you into another salty problem ? As he could read into your head, he rolled his eyes.

« I won’t throw you over a bridge you know ? »

« Huh…So tell me what are you trying to do ? I’m utterly sick of your hot and cold game. One day you’re saying you’re hating me, fine. And another one you’re actually trying to convince me to ride on a motorbike with you. »

« Get on, we’ll talk later » he groaned, glaring at you which intimated you.

Soon enough you were at the back of the motorbike, and before he drove, he took your arm to make you hug his waist tightly.

« Don’t ever let it go. If we fall I’d rather you fall with me than the motorbike » he explained.

You were about to protest, but he drove, making you instantly hold him tightly. It was the first time you were being driven on a moto, and the air going through your hair, the warmth of Yunho’s back against your chest was a total discovery for you. You were scared, not to say terrified. But Yunho was really driving carefully, although he liked to make his engine roar when the road was clear. When you weren’t scared enough to focus on his back only, you tried to see where he was going, and soon recognise the way to your extra classes. How did he know ? After some more minutes of furious roars, he stopped in front of a building you could recognise. He waited for you to get off the engine so he could as well get off.

Taking off the helmet you took a giant breath, your heart beating like crazy.

« How was the ride ? » he asked in a tease, watching you regaining strength.

« You’re crazy. Absolutely crazy » you hissed, shoving his helmet in his arms. « And how did you know it was here I was going ? »

Yunho couldn’t tell you he once followed you until there. Actually, he didn’t know himself why he had followed you, but after some days when he came back there, he saw your figure through a window, totally exhausted almost dozing on your work. Something made him stay here for a while, just watching you from afar this day. You were the representation of what he hated the most, and yet you were just a normal girl, acting like a normal girl. Moreover you looked so tired every day, and he was just wondering until how far you’d push yourself to be this perfect student.

« I just figured it out when I came one the neighbourhood with Hongjoong and some friends. We are hanging out quite a lot here» he grumbled. It wasn’t really a lie right ? Hongjoong and Yeosang were living in this area, so they were meeting quite a lot after classes in the neighbourhood.

You rolled your eyes before staring at him in confusion. Why was he being nice all of the sudden ?

Anyway, you needed to go, having enough of this nonsense.

« Thanks for the ride, but don’t hope to get me on this bike from hell any sooner » you groaned before taking your lead inside the building, not paying a look at your classmate.

Yunho smirked and shook his head.

« Bike from hell… »

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours passed, and when the clock showed around ten, classes ended. You sighed and rubbed your eyes from exhaustion, slowly getting out the building to see the motorbike was still here. But not Yunho. Looking around, you tried to see if he was around. Seemed he was not. While admiring his black shiny engine, you got lost in your inner thought again. It was so strange for him to act this kindly but none without saying dangerously toward you. And the fact he discovered where you were studying was still a mystery for you, not totally convinced by the total luck of him running on this place.

« It’s maybe a bike from hell, but still pretty right ? » a voice exclaimed at you, making you jump.

Yunho was back, a bag in his hand from the CU, the nearby convenient store. You crunched up your nose. Why was he still here ?

« I met the guys, and was about to go home. » he explained again as if he could read your thought.

« Oh what a coincidence ! » you mimicked still not convinced if he was lying or not.

« Y/N I’m not lying, Hongjoong literally lives two blocks away from here. » he said seriously.

You sighed and turned around to leave. But when you walked past way his position he asked in a relax tone:

« I got some ice cream, want some ? »

It was going from dumb and dumber. Seriously you couldn’t put a finger on his weird behaviour. With a suspicious look you were about to say no, but he cut you.

« Your brain needs sugar. It’s past ten, and you’ve been studying for four hours straight. I guess you didn’t have diner too huh. »

« And what does it concern you ? » you snapped, turning to face him. « It’s not as if you would be this concerned for someone you hate right ? I don’t understand Yunho, I don’t understand you and your attitude. »

Yunho bite his lower lip, knowing himself he got in a weird situation.

« Yeah I know I said I hated people like you, but I didn’t say I hated you » he mumbled.

There was this embarrassing silent again, only the noises of the city filling the icy atmosphere between you.

« People like me. What do you mean ? Did I do something wrong to deserve this attitude ? » you crossed your arms, decided to cleared this shit.

Yunho felt uneasy to talk about it, but somehow he didn’t want to stay in a bad relationship with you. Instead, he took a ice cream from the bag and handled it to you.

« Eat, I will explain it to you after. » he mumbled, looking away.

You gave him a glance but finally took the ice cream, your stomach making you remember you were starving at the moment. It was a vanilla strawberry ice cream. You almost laughed by seeing this.

« Didn’t know you had so girlish tastes » you said ironically putting the ice cream into your mouth.

« I got mine, what do you mean ? I knew you would maybe get out at this hour and I just felt like buying you this » he justified himself by taking his own ice cream, green tea flavoured.

You both sat down on the empty academy’ stairs to eat your ice creams in silence. There were so much questions you wanted to ask, trying to figure out how to deal with him.

« I’m living alone with my mom. My dad and her divorced when I was ten or something. He was violent dude and was hitting my mom, so he got arrested by the police when the neighbours got fed up by the every day fights. But the thing is…we always had financial problems because of this bastard. He borrowed money from loan sharks, an astronomical amount and got my mom in trouble even after he got arrested. » said Yunho, blankly staring at the floor.

All you could do was listening to him. Surprisingly, you never imagined something this horrible would have happened to him.

« My mom sold everything she had to give the money back, so we lost our house and now we’re living in a small studio. Even though she’s working, her salary is just enough to cover the rent and the rest is going to those loan sharks. »

His voice was weak, almost silent as he felt his barriers falling down. He looked so fragile, his broad shoulders shuddering slowly, his dark hair covering his eyes. You felt your heart sinking at his reflection.

« Of course I wanted to help her as soon as I could get a job, getting some part time jobs but she wants me to focus on school. » he laughed bitterly, watching his ice cream melting. « I’ve soon been taught that school wasn’t going to make things better. And people knowing about my family matters were just doing things out of pity for us. It drove me crazy. I hate people boasting about how nice it is to have money, how nice it is to be a normal happy family and just feel the others like shit. »

That’s how you figured out why Yunho hated rich people. And how he probably thought you were the same as the others he could have seen before. The bitterness you were feeling towards him vanished in an instant. How such a tough guy like him could appear so broken ? How hard must it have been for him all those years ?

« I…I’m sorry. » you muttered, not really knowing how to carry on.

« No, it’s fine. I’m aware you’re from a wealthy fam, but I figured out you weren’t like those bitches gossiping around. » he said, taking back some composure as he ate a part of the leaking ice cream.

« But…How are you doing ? I mean, are you eating correctly ? » you asked, genuinely worried about his health at the moment.

He chuckled and looked at you.

« My grand parents are supporting us. » he said, ruffling his hair with his hand. « The only time I worked during summer break, they refused the money. That’s how I got my moto »

There was another long pause, before you felt the cold liquid from your ice cream falling on your hand, making you yelp in surprise. Yunho smirked and laughed lightly, watching you fighting with your ice cream.

« Eat, I’ll drive you back home…If you let me to, I mean » he said, rubbing his nape after finishing his own snack.

« Alright, but don’t even think of doing the rodeo on the way back. » you grumbled and get on.

Once again on Yunho’s motorbike, you watched the city streaming before your eyes, neons of all colours leaving particular marks in the dark night. The cold air now hitting your body made you hug Yunho’s tighter. You didn’t know how to feel towards him. But you understood the situations he got through and up until now, you thought you’d have done the same if you had to be in the same game. But it wasn’t a game. You knew Yunho wasn’t a real bad guy. Things forced him to do tough tasks. You were ready to forgive him, as long as he promised at least to be this hostile to you.

When you arrived near your big complex, you made sign to Yunho to stop right before the actual building. He turned the engine off and let you get off his moto. Taking off the helmet, you gave it back to him but he stopped you.

« Keep it. »

« What ? But .. »

« It won’t be the last time you will get on this Y/N » he said with a smirk. « But anyway, why did you make me drop you here ? I could go to the right building »

« Erm…I rather not. My father could see this and…I guess he wouldn’t like seeing his daughter riding a motorbike with a boy he doesn’t know. » you spurred out.

Yunho raised a brow at your comment about your father. He barely saw him at your first day but he seemed like a strict man. He nodded.

« I see, well…See you around ? »

« Yeah…if you don’t skip classes » you giggled, relaxed by this friendly or at least less hostile conversation.

Yunho scoffed and ruffled your hair, which surprised you.

« Maybe. »

Then he sent you off, waiting for you to go inside the building before driving back to his empty home. He mostly had said the truth to you, but he voluntarily omitted to add his mom got admitted to the hospital weeks ago. And he didn’t want you to pity him furthermore.

When you stepped inside the silent apartment, you noticed your father’s shoes weren’t at the entrance, meaning he wasn’t home. You sighed in relief, hurrying yourself to hide the helmet in your room, under your bed. Only Sookja got a glimpse at you rushing at your room.

« Y/N ? Is everything alright ? » she asked while she was in the kitchen.

« Yes ! Every thing is alright ! » you shouted back at her before going back to the kitchen to eat the late diner she prepared you.

Sookja took a look at your face. You were indeed tired, but something had changed. She could feel you were less, stressed ? The old woman sweetly smiled to you watching you eat.

« Did something nice happen today at school ? » she asked innocently, aware you normally aren’t really openly talking about your school days.

You looked at her, enjoying the warm soup after the cold weather you faced on Yunho’s bike.

« Erm…Yeah we can say that » you mumbled, slightly embarrassed but yet excited.

Sookja was a confident. You could tell her anything, she would never repeat to your father. She waited for you to keep on.

« There is a ..classmate of mine. At first we were like cats and dogs you know ? But today we sorted things out and I guess it’s fine now »

« I’m glad to ear this sweetie » she said in pure relief and joy for you. « Have you made friends ? »

« There is Jisoo ! She’s a part of my class as well. She’s a really warm person » you said, after taking more bites of rice and others side dishes.

Your housekeeper was happy to know you were getting a better life than you have had until now. She hoped some day you would be free from your father’s influence and fly by your own wings. That’s how she was thinking and wished the most for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After this strange night, days have been more packed. The day of your mock exams, you gave it all, knowing that although it was only a mock one, your father wouldn’t let it pass. After giving back your sheets, you and Jisoo were talking at the cafeteria. The petite teenager stretched and sighed.

« Y/NNNNN ! What should I do ? I’m sure I’ll fail ! »

« Don’t say that Ji’, I’m sure you’ll do well »

« It’s easy for you ! You always have good grades. » she pouted.

« I wished I could have less than 100 believe me » you groaned.

From the corner of your eyes, you glimpsed the tall figure of Yunho with Mingi and Hongjoong. He was sitting with them with the same expressionless face he used to put on at school. But when he was sitting next to you during class, he didn’t ignore you anymore, nor tried to nap. He was surely warming up to you, but it seemed he wasn’t ready to let his friends see him this way with you.

« - today ? » you heard Jisoo’s voice.

« Mh ? Sorry, I wasn’t listening » you said, going back to your friend.

Jisoo pouted again before following your gaze and leaned near to your face with a teasing face.

« Guuuurl, it seems you and Yunho got closer or is it me ? »

« Gosh, Ji ! It’s not what you think ! We just sorted things out, but we’re not friends or things like this » you mumbled back, embarrassed by her behaviour.

« Well, that’s not really the impression I have. Did you remark he’s not skipping classes lately ? »

« Maybe he got enlightened by God to study ? » you suggested in a grin.

You both laughed and today, you felt relieved as you didn’t have to go to extra classes, the academy being closed for the spring break that was soon arriving. Somehow, you convinced your father to let you go to Jisoo’s house for the weekend, heavily pretexting she wanted you to tutor her for the real exams. He seemed suspicious, but since your school grades were good so far, he didn’t have any objections to make.

While for packing your bag, you received numerous notifications on KakaoTalk. Jisoo created a group chat with the others kids who were going to come at her house for the weekend. Mostly girls and maybe some boys, but it didn’t really matter for you only the fact you had the chance to spend time with your friend, making some other friends ?

You happily answered to the text saying you’d come by yourself at the indicated address and time before locking your phone again. When you were almost done packing, your phone vibrated again but this time wasn’t the group chat. « Jung Yunho » appeared at your screen, leaving you speechless for a moment.

윤호

Need a ride for this weekend ?

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cartasmojadas · 4 years ago

Text

Y’all remember that Dirk John AU that I said I wanted to write...well it has taken a turn. Now it reads more like little windows into a budding relationship.

Here’s to childhood friends!

The first time John considers the idea of boys kissing boys he’s in the fourth grade. It is also the last time he plays hide and seek.

“I think I’m too old for hide and seek,” Dirk pushes John’s face away with the hard plastic of the game controller. His older brother is supposed to be picking him up from the sleepover soon, but if the dog-shaped clock on the wall isn’t wrong, Dave is already half an hour late.

John flinches and falls back into the bed. Dirk is willing to ignore him for Rainbow Road but John’s disappointed expression holds his attention.

“You sound like Janey,” John mutters. “Everyone says they’re too old and I’m too little. But you’re only a year older! Stop treating me like I’m a baby!” John kicks his legs around and apologizes when he lands a hit on Dirk’s leg.

Dirk watches John in silence for a moment. His sisters have pointed out that he should try to be less blunt since you catch more flies with honey, not that he’s entirely sure why he’s supposed to catch flies, or how he’s supposed to speak in honey.

“You are a baby.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Dirk knows he has messed up. John’s face drops with a betrayed wail. He quickly tosses a pillow in Dirk’s direction.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Dirk swats the pillow away. He reaches over and ruffles John’s dark hair in an affectionate manner like Dirk’s own older siblings will do to him whenever Dirk is upset.

“It’s cute and fun and it means you get away with lots of stuff.”

John still wears the insult on his face as he scoots to the edge of the bed. Their legs dangle over the edge of the bed and John’s chest twists when he notices that Dirk’s feet already touch the ground.

He pushes his thick-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose and sighs.

“Yeah, but,” he sighs again, “You’re going to sixth grade next year and then I really will be too little. You’re going to hang out with all of the other big kids and you and Jane are going to forget all about me.”

Dirk scoffs, “I don’t think Jane could forget about you. She’s your sister and you live with her. I’ve tried forgetting about Rose and that’s never worked.”

John lets out a short laugh and Dirk can’t help but smile to himself. He has always thought that John has one of those faces that just doesn’t look right when they’re sad. Like his big sister Roxy. When she gets sad it makes Dirk think that everything is sad.

“Hey,” Dirk says hopping off the bed, “Let’s go play hide and seek.”

Despite John being a terrible hider (or Dirk is too good of a seeker), they have fun. Dirk finds it difficult not to fall into John’s infectious enthusiasm for the game. And while he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, Dirk enjoys pretending he’s Detective Conan on the case.

John prefers to hide anyways. Whenever he’s the one looking for Dirk, it takes way too long and makes the game a little boring. John likes the feeling of anticipation that he can’t contain whenever he sees Dirk’s shadow move around and he can hear the light sound of Dirk’s muttering getting closer and closer to wherever John hides.

So when Dirk starts to count John takes off.

He runs as fast as he can through the house and out into the back yard. Dirk said this was the last round and before they play Mario Kart-- John knows he needs to make it count.

His blue sneakers light up green as he hops around assessing a new and ideal hiding location for himself.

The back yard is full of John’s typical hiding spots. There are a few trees and hedges that might work but John has already hidden behind those today. He looks at the dad-approved spots for playing in the backyard and feels the anxious frustration that comes with the pressure of a countdown bubble up.

Dirk is getting closer to the number 100 when John spots a non approved location. The realization makes John feel particularly proud of himself; hiding in a not dad-approved spot behind the tool shed? Dirk will never find him!

John sprints past the scattered and mostly abandoned playground pieces toward the toolshed. It sits under a treelined corner, which hides everything perfectly under the shade of overgrown bushes and machinery. His dad says he should stay away from that side of the house since it is full of sharp and hard metal tools, but John isn’t a baby and he can absolutely handle hiding behind some old walls.

When he sees Jake, John’s first instinct is to drop low and hide. Mostly out of habit, since he feels like the older kids are always hiding something from him but John also hides out of curiosity.

John isn’t entirely sure what is happening. His mind briefly forgets that he’s supposed to be hiding from Dirk, but instead his mind races with questions about what Jake could possibly doing behind the shed.

John shifts his weight and leans over enough to get a better view. His eyes go wide at the sight.

He’s never seen people kiss outside of some movies and for a moment John thinks that they are just whispering really close to each other. It’s not until Jake’s hand moves up and readjusts their angle, that it clicks for John.

Jake is kissing Dave, Dirk’s big brother.

John is halfway to a loud gasp that gets cut off as Dirk covers his mouth with his hand. His eyes are just as wide as John’s and he can’t help but think that it’s the most expressive he’s seen his friend be in a while. John takes in the additionally rare view long enough that he forgets his initial scandal for a moment. He fixates on the bright blush that covers Dirk’s face.

Dirk swallows hard before he looks away from where his brother is kissing John’s older cousin. When he looks down, John is staring at him confused.

He takes John’s hand and as quiet as possible, leads him back toward the house. As soon as their feet touch the bricks of the back patio, both boys sprint into the house tripping over each other and past John’s confused sister, until they reach John’s mess of a bedroom.

“What was that!” John shrieks.

Dirk hushes him and pushes John toward the window. Dirk crouches down so that he can barely look over the window sill.

“Don’t just stand there,” Dirk means to sound annoyed but his voice trails with distraction.

John watches Dirk quietly and wonders what he’s thinking about. He looks a little more like his regular self, compared to the surprised expression from earlier, if not maybe a little bit more serious.

“That was weird right?” John whispers after a moment. “Boys aren’t supposed to kiss boys, right?”

Dirk turns and rests his back against the wall. “I dunno,” he mutters, “Says who?” Dirk stares down at his hands as if in deep thought.

John squints his eyes and tries to remember, “I think Zack, the one in Mr.Jenkin’s class, said so.”

Dirk rolls his eyes, “Zack is an idiot. Don’t listen to what he says. He ate dirt once and didn’t even get paid for it.”

John hums in agreement and sits down next to his friend.

“So, not weird? That your big brother and my cousin were, were kissing?”

Dirk shakes his head slowly, almost as if he’s unsure of his own answer.

“I can’t imagine kissing anybody! So gross.” John huffs.

Dirk spares a cautious glance at John and feels relief when he sees John’s toothy grin.

“I mean, eventually, maybe,” John blushes, “I guess I am too little for kissing,” he taps his forehead and thinks, “But so are you!” he rushes, “You too Dirk, you’re too little to kiss. Just because you’re in fifth grade doesn’t mean you can kiss people. Jake is like, a hundred--”

“He’s sixteen,”

John gasps, “That’s still old! So best bro pact, right now, no kissing! Anyone!”

Dirk stares down at John’s offered pinky. His head is still swimming with rapid-fire questions that his brain tries to catalog as fast as they form.

“Dirk!” John hisses, “Promise!”

There’s something about John’s urgency that clears Dirk’s mind.

“Okay,” Dirk concedes and John beams with satisfaction. “But! You can’t tell anyone about what we saw! Best bro promise! You gotta swear on your signed Stay-Puft action figure.”

In the distance, they can hear someone call for Dirk.

“Only if you promise on your secret my little pony collection that you won’t kiss anybody!”

“Ever?”

“Ever!” John shrieks at the same time Jane calls for Dirk.

Dirk wraps their pinkies together and meets John’s determined eyes one more time.

---

John doesn’t really think about kissing much after that.

And he only ever thinks about boys kissing when Jake comes out a year later.

The dreams where John is the one hiding behind the tool shed kissing a faceless blond boy with warm skin and chapped lips won’t start for a few years.

#DirkJohn #Childhood friends #Homestuck AU #I have variations of this written down in three different notebooks #as much as I wanted to write something that made chronological sense or #at least made sense to the plot of my planned AU #this kept manifesting #anyways...i'm a sucker for stories about friends #i have middle school dirk john also half written in three other notebooks.

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fluorescencefuture · 4 years ago

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Homestuck^2: How I’d write the Omega Kids (and the Candy timeline villains)

I haven't reread Homestuck nor the epilogues in a while so correct me if I'm wrong with anything here. This was all in one go, too, so I probably missed something here or there. I'm also not a native English speaker so pardon some grammar errors.

In General

I’d give them a five-letter name scheme. Names of a group being the same length was a big deal in original HS (human first names had four letters, troll names had six, Ancestors had eight-letter titles, Cherubs had eight letters too, etc.), so it’s odd seeing this new group have names of varying length

I’d also give them all shirt symbols. It’s odd that something so iconic to Homestuck isn’t present in the new kids, either.

I'll write for both the canon post-canon with evil Jane and for my own version with different villains. Evil Jane happens because a highblood troll who hears of the old ways of Alternia attempts to kill her and take her crown, as she's technically the heiress. Jane wins, but she starts to see trolls and Alternian culture in a different light from then on. At first she was only trying to prevent the worst parts of Alternian culture from coming back, but over time grew to despise trolls, and ended up trying to force human culture onto Alternians.

The other Candy villains are a dangerous terrorist rebel group that wants to overthrow the creators and destroy them. They say the creators made the people, abandoned the people for years, then suddenly came back and decided they control the people. The group is made of humans, trolls, carapacians, and even consorts. The mysterious shadowed leader claims to be doing this for the people, but really, all they want is to have control for themselves, and they don't care if any innocents get in the way.

Harry Anderson

Has nothing to fix, he’s perfect as is

Okay but seriously, the guy is the kid with the least questionable things around him. He has no baggage from sharing the same name as an established character (ICP Harry Anderson doesn’t count), and he didn’t come from infidelity.

He also has actual color to his personality. He likes musicals and sewing. He has a good relationship with his dad. Like many kids with divorced parents, he wishes his parents were together again. What do the others have? Vrissy is just a slightly less aggressive Vriska. Tavros is just OG Tavros and Jake combined. Yiffy’s thing is being a dog girl named Yiffany Longstocking. The others could be fleshed out eventually, but with the slow pace and meandering plot we have right now, I doubt it.

If Jane's the villain, things would mostly go the same way. If Jane isn't the villain, it goes two ways: he decides to join Vrissy's guerilla anti-anti-creator group and fight because he wants to protect his parents, or he's just very anti-conflict and avoids the fight because he doesn't think he's up to it. He's frequently threatened but doesn't tell his parents about the threats. Eventually, he gets convinced to join and fight.

Vrissy

So Vrissy’s in relationships with guys who are technically her cousins. At first I was like “well, they’re not biologically related nor were they raised as family so it’s not weird”. But then Tavros called Kanaya “Aunt Kanaya” and now I’m thinking “oh god, that’s really weird”.

Now she’s just a troll girl from school. She's just close to Kanaya and Rose, but isn’t their kid. She isn’t related to anyone. Anyone except Vriska, who she was named after. Vrissy’s new nickname is just Vriss.

Alternatively, her name is something completely different. Honestly, it just seemed like a way to shoehorn in a Vriska for the story. Only for actual Vriska to come back anyway.

Uhh, Eshtha (from Jyeshtha, a Hindu nakshatra Scorpius is associated with)? Oriona (from Orion, the myth where Scorpius is mostly attributed to)? Naiaka (from Manaiakalani, as Hawaiians saw Scorpius as the demigod Maui’s fishhook)? Oh wait, I’ll have to make nicknames for those names too. Uh, Eshty, Riona, and Naiah.

Maybe have her have a personality that’s rather opposite to Vriska’s than have her as Vriska 2. She's more a perky goth, more cheerful and sweet. More "I knew you could do it!" than "So you can do something after all." A beast in battle, of course. She doesn't like to use her mind control powers, because she finds them disturbing.

If Vriska had to come back, the conflict would come from their conflicting personalities. Vriska would pretty much act the same way she did to (Vriska), but this time, Vriss doesn't take any of it and stands her ground.

Whether the villain is Jane or not, she's the one who decides to fight back, and she gets her friends and others to join her. The creators have been nothing but good to her, and she cares about them a lot, especially Rose and Kanaya. Not to mention they're also her friends' parents.

Tavros

Yeah, we’re gonna have to rename that kid. It never made sense to me why Jake and Jane named their kid after some guy they don’t know that well. I don’t remember everything from the Epilogues, but I’ll assume the reason was Gamzee or something. Also weird that Jane, who’s supposed to be racist to trolls, would just...let her kid be named after one.

Something old-ish would work. Flynn? Silas? Avery? Clyde? Niles? Louie?

He's moirails with this Vriss instead of kismeses. The Vrissy/Tavros kismesis also felt like re-hashing the kismesis that Vriska and OG Tavros kinda had.

If we went post-canon villain Jane, he'd be reluctant to join the rebellion and is more of a pacifist who would rather try to talk his mom out of it.

Alternatively, Jane and Jake are separated (but not divorced) and he lives with Jake. Because Jane was never terrible to him and Jake doesn't tell him how bad she's gotten, he disagrees with her but still tries to justify and rationalize that Jane's really doing it from a place of good intentions.

If the villain isn't Jane, then Jane and Jake have been hiding him away, and his friends can only see him when they visit him at his swanky home. You might say he's...housetrapped. He joins because his friends are in it, and doesn't quite grasp how serious things are until the rebels try to kill Jane (the rebels try to kill Jane first because you always kill the healer first).

He's in contact with a mysterious guide who's kinda spacy and a little terrifying at times. His friends think the guide might just be some creepy predator. It's revealed to be Candy Gamzee, out of the fridge and legitimately harmless, but untraceable and doing mysterious things behind the black. Again.

Come to think of it, Dirk's missing too...

Yiffany Longstocking

Yiffy is now the ectokid of Dave and Jade. She looks more like a DaveJade kid than JadeRose, really. Dave and Jade are also either happily married or coming close to an amicable divorce. Yeah, the toxic shit Jade did and the erasure of Dave's bisexuality also don't exist here. Jade, Dave, Karkat, and Terezi are backing Vrissy's anti-anti-creator group.

Her new name is something unisex. Riley? Logan? Robin? Sloan? Salem?

She spends a lot of time outside doing sports and doesn't talk much. She's not very close to the other three kids, but she's surprisingly pretty close to her Aunt Rose.

While Jade and Dave are out on a mission for Karkat (this is the mission Candy Dave dies), she gets kidnapped by the opposing force (Jane/the terrorists). She gets a shock collar forced on her, then is hidden away in a Boarding School for Inconvenient Girls, enrolled under the name "Yiffany Longstocking". Jade comes home to find that her family's been taken from her. Again.

Yiffy almost escapes, but she gets knocked out and taken back to base, where they lock her in a cage and treat her like a dog. She's still defiant to the end.

If Jane's the villain, Jake is inspired by Yiffy's defiance, grows some balls, exposes Yiffy's treatment to the press, and sets her free. She beats up the guards trying to stop her. Jake gets surrounded by more guards. In response, he pulls out his pistols and a one-liner, and bam, cliffhanger.

If it's the terrorist group, Terezi picks up on Yiffy's scent when they're in a base, and she's saved by the other three kids, where she immediately turns around and beats the crap out of the guards. They become proper friends from there.

The reunion panel still happens and this time it's her reuniting with her loving mother and aunt instead of...y'know.

BONUS: Sadstuck

Harry gets his own “im not a hero” speech after trying and “failing” to be the hero that John was

Vriss is eventually forced to use her mind control powers. It’s either a “Katara using bloodbending" situation, or she forces her friends to leave her behind when they want to stick by her.

Tavros finally witnesses his mother’s true nature when Jake defeats all the guards, but is stabbed from behind by Jane and killed. In the other version, it seems Jane is finally safe and able to come home to her son. Then she’s killed right in front of him.

After the big hug with Jade and Rose, Yiffy pulls away. She smiles, looks around behind them, and asks “Where’s Dad?”

So, please tell me what you think!

#Homestuck 2 #HS2 #hs^2 #vrissy maryam lalonde #harry anderson egbert #tavros english #yiffany longstocking lalonde harley #yiffany lalonde harley #my writing

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years ago

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Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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cyberghouleo · 5 years ago

Text

Boredom {smut}

Pairing: Ult! Dirk Strider x Reader

Words: 3.5k

Ao3 Link:

Being on a ship for 3 or so years in space can lead to discovering some lingering thoughts. Good thing you were there to help him with those.

Although this was originally his idea, because honestly who else would do anything like this that wasn’t Dirk himself, he did have to admit that flying around in space on a huge ass ship for 3 or so years did get boring pretty fast. There were only so many times he could rewatch My Little Pony and a few of his animes before he got bored out of his mind. After a while Terezi’s complaining made him get fed up and just stop conversation with her all together, which she was probably thankful for in some way. And Rosebot wanted to have too many long rambles that sooner than later the both of them ran out of things to talk about. The only topic that was untouched by both was his feelings and emotions, the one thing Dirk feels to have complete security on and plans to keep it that way. Speaking of feelings, you were also aboard the Theseus along with the three of them. The thing that set you apart from the other two, was that you came along willingly. He didn’t have to persuade or manipulate you in some backhanded way, you agreed after he tested the waters and suggested it for the first time. Your response honestly shocked him, although he didn’t show it and played it cool the whole time. So when you got the text to meet up with him to finally pursue this plan, you quickly packed whatever you needed and headed out to start a new future alongside Dirk.

With how thankful he was that you came along, he didn’t expect to not see you as often as he first expected. In the start he thought the idea of being on a ship with a few people would be great and give some extra time to at least hang out with you, and just you. But he forgot how big the ship was in his so-called fantasy and how your time schedules were almost completely opposite from each other. But the two of you did text back and forth often, which helped killed his boredom most of the time, and sometimes even stayed up later just so you could watch one of his shows with each other. Dirk was content with this, it wasn’t what he originally had in mind for how you would spend each other's time together, but he also knew deep down he could do better. And make you feel better.

He had basically completed all future plans, rearranged his room so many times that now it just felt like a chore, and had already planned out back up plans for multiple different scenarios. All he could do now was make panels, but even that was starting to get tiring and he was running low on creativity. So naturally, his mind started to wander. And it doesn’t take a scientist to know that 3 years on a ship can affect your sex drive, majorly. Also the thought of RoseBot and Terezi in even remotely that way made him want to puke and bleach his eyes for several days. So there was only one option left after porn seemed to get boring and bland to him. It’s not like he was settling after all, he is far from ever settling. Before his grand plans for a future on another planet, he couldn’t deny some feelings and emotions he had felt for you. But for him, business came first and then feelings or whatever bullshit his once friends suggested to open up about. But now with all the business done and the lingering horny thoughts and feelings resurfacing after so long, there was really nothing else to focus on other than you. At first he was embarrassed to acknowledge these feelings, feeling like a 13 year old again who saw some shitty hentai ad that took over his whole screen for the first time. But then he remembered who he was, and how if anything you should feel embarrassed for not confessing these types of feelings for him first.

He rolled his chair back away from his desk, sighing and shutting his laptop closed in a frustrated manner. It had gotten to the point where nothing seemed good, the only thing that interested him was you, and frankly he was sick of feeling this way with no plan to follow through with it. Fuck it, he thought as he stood up from his chair and walked out his door to find you so you could help him out on his problems. After searching around for what seemed to be an hour, he finally spotted the outline of your back against a sky sprawled out with dozens of stars and brightly lit up cosmos.

He approached you, noticing how you were wearing your thin pajamas and the pair of bunny slippers he had bought you as a joke a while back, back before either of you were on this ship. This wasn’t the first time he had seen you staring out the windows at the stars, but this was the first time he had seen you up at 3 in the morning alone. He took a seat next to you, startling you and causing you to jump and curse under your breath. Cute.

“Jesus, you need to be careful coming up behind me like that,” you said as a soft smile grew on your face. You were now looking directly at him, the soft shine from the space reflecting and illuminating the one side of your face, and fuck this only made you look prettier to him.

“Thought your spidey senses would have picked up on me from a mile away, sorry. What are you even doing up right now anyways?”

“Couldn’t sleep, also I wanted to come out and look at the stars. I thought it would help me in some weird way, but now I’m kinda just annoyed because they suck right now,” you turned back to the window, watching as the ship passed through space at a steady pace.

“Is that all you do, come out and look at the damn stars?” his tone sounded more harsh than he intended too, but you didn’t seem to notice or care.

“Ha, yeah basically. It’s calming in a weird way, ya know? But I guess I’mma need to find a new location to gaze out of though since this one is lacking majorly,”

Without thinking, he ended up blurting out his suggestion, “Well I always know a place that shows the best stars, no matter the night.”

Your head quickly turned to face him again, and you immediately agreed to make him take you to show him. He wasn’t one to turn down this offer and started leading the way, making sure to keep his main goal in mind. After zig zagging around a few halls, you ended up in front of his room's door. He opened up his door and stepped out of the way to reveal the huge window that was near his table. You walked over to admire the view, too busy gawking at the sight to hear or notice him closing the door and locking it behind him. It wasn’t until he was close enough for you to feel his body heat that you noticed the proximity between the two of you. You didn’t mind though, taking this as a minute to admire his freckled cheeks and how the orange glow from the window enchanted them even more. He felt the lingering of your glare on him and looked at you, a small blush appearing on your face at the fact you got caught basically admiring him like a painting. You broke away quickly and chewed on your bottom lip as you tried to play it cool and not look embarrassed in the slightest.

“Hey (Y/N),” you hummed in response, waiting for him to finish before you looked at him. “I’m not sorry for this.”

You were about to question him but was interrupted quickly when both of his warm hands held each side of your face to force you to face him, his lips connecting with yours. The fact that this was your first real human touch in what seemed like forever made you almost instantly melt into him, kissing back with the same amount of passion. The kiss however turned very heated fast, the need for each other becoming apparent as his tongue easily slipped through and his hands now tangled in your hair, leaving you at his own mercy. You were the first to pull away to catch your breath, a string of saliva connecting the two of you together as your lips were now slightly red and your cheeks dusted with a soft pink. Your chest heaving up and down as you stared at him, trying to read his expression although his shades made it almost impossible.

“Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do that forever,” he stated before pulling you back in, letting his actions speak for himself and the blood started to flow to his lower half.

You moaned throughout the kiss, which only got him to kiss back harsher, not showing any mercy for your lips or your neck as he trailed down. You threw your arms around his shoulders as he sucked on your neck, the feeling of a bruise already forming in a few spots. God it felt like forever since you had even gotten close to something like this, and your body was definitely showing it. He pulled down the straps of your thin tank top to get better coverage of your chest, making sure to start a few light marks on the parts your bra failed to cover. Your fingers tangled themselves into the base of his hair, pulling during a particular hard suck, causing him to let out a desperate sounding grunt, something you would have never expected out of him.

He pulled away from you, just long enough for him to quickly clear off his desk and push anything in his way to the floor with a crash. He wrapped his arms around your waist and patted your side a couple times to signal you to jump, which you did and wrapped your legs around his waist. You could feel the bulge of his muscles against you, even when he wasn’t wearing his normal uniform. He sat you down on the edge of the table and started lifting up the hem of your tank top, slipping it over with ease to leave you only in shorts and your bra. This was the most exposed you had ever been to him yet he didn't seem to pay it any mind and went back to covering your chest in sloppy kissing and lazy sucking to mark you up for him. His fingers wrapped around to your back, finding the clasp and quickly unclipping it with one hand. He helped ease the straps off your shoulders, letting them fall down and slip off to reveal yourself to him. He pulled away and admired your form for a few seconds, making you start to cover yourself but his fingers were quickly clasped around your wrist and pinned your hands by your side.

“Too late to try to hide from me now, doll,” the pet name rolled off his tongue effortlessly and he leaned in to start tracing around your already perky and hard nipples.

The feeling caused you to let out a soft moan, his warm tongue felt amazing as it swirled around, his other hand cupping and teasing the other one. He would occasionally switch over, making sure to give each one their deserved love. His glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose slightly, allowing you to see his closed eyes, his long eyelashes and freckles from a perspective you never got the chance to see before. Your hands slowly reached up and slid them effortlessly off his face, causing him to open his eyes and stare up, revealing his bright orange eyes for the first time. A gasp mixed with a moan slipped out, the new reveal only making your body fill up with need and heat faster.

As his tongue continued to tease your buds, his hands trailed down from your waist to the band of your shorts. His palm came to rub the front of you teasingly, smirking as he felt you shamelessly try to grind against his fingers to get any sort of friction out of it. He tugged the shorts down, giving you the chance to shimmy them to the point before he could effortlessly take them off and let them drop onto the floor. He pulled away from your nipples, causing you to let out a whine, and was now positioned in between your legs. His hot breath could be felt through your panties, driving you even crazier. He flattened his tongue and left a long strip through your panties, his saliva soaking through a little bit to your already wet lips. He continued to tease you outside of your panties, rubbing his fingers up and down your folds without giving you what you really wanted.

“Please Dirk… don’t tease,” you begged in a breathy tone, which made him look up and a smirk to appear.

“You're gonna have to do better than that sweetheart,” he said casually as he continued to rub tiny clockwise circles against you.

“Please dirk, please touch me,” your eyes were almost glossy with desperation, proving to him just how badly you wanted this. How badly you wanted him.

He gave into your pleads rather quickly, pulling your panties to the side and slipped two fingers into his mouth, before plunging them into you. You moaned in surprise, your body almost giving out from under you as he moved in and out of you, curling his fingers at the right moments to make you clench hard around him. Your quiet moans soon filled the room as you held one hand over your mouth, trying to keep quiet so nobody would interrupt the two of you. Right as you felt your core tighten and you were close to releasing all over his fingers, he pulled out and stood up fully, bringing his fingers in front of your face.

“Look at the mess you made for me. Clean it up now,”

You stared back at him for a second before hesitantly taking your juice covered fingers into your mouth, making sure to lick them clean. You twirled your tongue around the tips of his fingers, which made him let out a grunt of approval and his already hard cock strain even more against his pants.

“Mmmm, what a good slut you are,” he praised and pulled his fingers out with a ‘pop’ noise.

He fully pulled off your panties, leaving you completely exposed and spread out on the table for him to take in. He pulled down his pants and boxers, which had a small wet spot from the leaking precum, his cock springing out freely. You glanced down and noticed the size, and he was definitely bigger than you would have first thought, leaving you a bit shocked.

“Take a picture princess, it’ll last longer,” he responded in a cocky voice which pulled you out of staring with an embarrassed blush now spreading across your cheeks again.

He lined himself up with your entrance, rubbing his dick up and down your folds a few times to make sure he was completely covered in your juices. He pulled back one last time before pushing his head through, his girth leaving you a bit breathless as you threw your head back in pleasure. Only the tip so far and you're already acting like this, he thought to himself and wanted to chuckle. The rest of him slid in with ease and now that he was fully filling you, god you were tight against him. He gave you a few seconds to get adjusted before he started to slowly increase his thrusts. It was taking everything inside him to not just go full force right now and to fuck you into his table, pounding in and out of your pussy to show you just how often he thought about you in this way. The feeling of him pressing up against you with every thrust was addicting, as he filled you in the best way possible. With each thrust he pressed up against you perfectly and only got better as he increased each thrust.

“Mmm fuck, you like that?” you could only hum along as a response, but he quickly grabbed your jaw and forced you to stare back into his intense eyes, stopping all movements inside you. “I asked, do you like that?”

“Yes, yes Dirk. I like it, oh my god I love it, yes Dirk,” you spewed out, your head feeling light and too overloaded with dirty thoughts for you to even function a full sentence properly.

Hearing you moan out his name in such a pathetic way was enough to make his dick twitch and for him to resume his thrusts, this time not slowing down or trying to take it slow for you. At this moment in time he could do whatever he wanted to you and god he was fucking loving it. He pulled out, grabbed your hand to force you off the table and pinned you against the large window. Your tits now squished up against the window as he slipped into you from behind, causing you to gasp.

“Mmm yes, god you're such a good slut for me (Y/N),” he moaned as his head was rested right by yours, his hot breath hitting the shell of your ear.

You moaned underneath him, arching your back to curve into him to get the full reach and stretch from him. His movement against the window caused your nipples to rub up against it, giving you all of the friction you needed. His right hand slipped down to the front of you, rubbing his fingers over your clit as he grunted in your ear. The feeling of sparks and fireworks were ignited within you, your cheek pressed up against the glass as your mouth hung up and your body started to melt from under you. You could feel yourself getting closer, your moans turning into pleads and begs for him.

“I’m going to cum, nghh,” you whined out, which only caused him to rub against your clit even harder.

“Tell me who is allowed to make you cum,” he growled, his left hand coming up to grasp your neck and hold you into place to take his brutal poundings.

“You Dirk... only you can make me cum,”

“Mhhmm, yea baby, cum for me then. Be a good girl and cum all over my dick,” he said as he applied pressure and squeezed around your neck.

The combination of all of his movements made your vision blur out and your body to completely slump against the window, allowing him to fuck you like a toy. You squeezed tightly around him one last time and everything inside you felt like it had exploded, moans spilling out loudly, not caring if anyone heard. Your tight clenching made him speed up his thrust as he felt himself tighten up, continuing to fuck you throughout your orgasm. God how he prayed that another ship would come up beside him just so they could see the sight of him fucking your limp like body. Just further proving how much you actually belonged to him. He let out a few loud groans and felt the long hot strips squirt into you, covering your walls as his thrusts got sloppy and rode out his own orgasm . He stayed inside you for a few more seconds, both his arms caging you in between him as he tried to catch his breath.

“Well fuck babe,” he said with a soft chuckle, before leaving a quick kiss on your shoulder and pulled out of you, watching as some of his hot seed dripped out of you and onto the floor. The sight was enough to get him ready for round 2, but he saw how tired you were and didn’t feel like forcing the issue.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out one of his old shirts, slipping it over you and helping you into his bed. The baggy and oversized shirt hung off your form and looked more like a nightgown, which he had to admit was a sight he was starting to love. He slid on a pair of clean joggers and climbed in next to you, which you clung to almost instantly.

“Thanks Dirk,” you mumbled before slipping into sleep.

He stared down at you with a soft smile and rested his chin on your head. Normally he was against any form of affection or touching, but right now it felt good. This was one of the few times it felt good to be open about his feelings. He wouldn’t mind having you to rule with him in the new future he was creating.

#dirk strider #dirk strider x reader #ultimate dirk #homestuck #homestuck^2 #smut #x reader #homestuck fan fiction #yes i am a filthy homestuck no i wont apologize #i wrote this at 5 to 7 in the morning last night so sorry in advance lmao #also photo banners how super sick of me lmao #also found out i have spelled pairing wrong on like everything lets gooo lmao #i feel like im bout to get flamed for posting this but oh well HAHAH

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twisted-broth · 4 years ago

Note

So I recently watched dirk gently for the first time, and I really love the rowdy 3, Martin in particular. Can you maybe do a Martin x reader?

Aaaaahhh how did you find out about my undying love for Martin?? Tbh I wrote that one fic for myself I didn’t think anyone would ever read it. Okay I don’t ~technically~ write for Dirk Gently but I’ll write it anyway because I’ve sold my soul to the rowdy 3

Waking up in a beat up van, surrounded by four intimidating men? Yep, this was how you were going to die.

“Ha! I told you they weren’t dead!” The smallest of the four grabbed $10, presumably bet money, off the dash. “What’s up, bro? I’m Vogel.”

“Hi…” You said hesitantly.

Vogel introduced the rest of the men surrounding you as Gripps, Cross (the one who lost the bet) and Martin. Martin seemed to be the least personable of the group. As soon as he was sure you were awake and unhurt, he fixated himself in the driver's seat without saying a word.

“So, why am I in your sketchy van, Vogel?”

“You were in the road, boss. We almost ran you over! Martin’s the one who made us take you in. Make sure you were okay or whatever.” Vogel explained.

“You got a nasty bump on your head, so you probably got a concussion. And your legs was all cut up from the gravel. We ain’t doctors, though, so we just slapped some band aids on there.” Gripps continued.

You shakily managed to sit up against the side of the van, which you only just noticed was moving. It wasn’t a situation you were hoping to find yourself in today but, considering you could have been roadkill if it weren’t for these guys, you decided it was probably not the worst thing to happen. You groaned as you rubbed the bump on your head. You had no idea where you got it. Last thing you remember was walking to the library.

“You want some advil, dog?” Cross asked.

You gently nodded your head, careful not to disturb the aching that was already there. Cross handed you a bottle of painkillers and a bottle of water. You quickly downed them and then took a moment to look around the van. It was barren except for four metal bats rolling around in the back. You also saw a small bag that held first aid supplies.

“Do you… have any food?” You asked cautiously. The baseball bats brought back your nerves a bit. Your head shot to Martin when you heard him let out a soft chuckle. Cross also looked like he was holding back a laugh. “Oh my god are you gonna eat me?!”

The three boys in the back burst out laughing. You caught a glimpse of Martin smirking in the mirror.

“No!! Chill, boss, we’re not gonna eat you! We just don’t eat like you do. We’re kinda like vampires-” Vogel started.

“What??”

“Jesus christ, Vogel. Gripps, you take the wheel. The rest of you, go away I’ll explain to them.” Martin sighed as he pulled the van over. Gripps replaced him in the driver’s seat as Vogel and Cross squished together in the front seat. You pressed further into the wall as Martin crouched down in front of you. “Look, uh… What’s your name?”

“Y/n.”

“Y/n, we’re not like you. We’re part of a… project that brings together people who are different. And all these people have a part in the interconnectedness of all things. We are holistic vampires. We feed off of energy. It’s better for us to feed off of people who are in pain, or very stressed.”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re going to see Dirk!” Gripps cheered.

“Right. That little dude is just an anxiety generator. It's great. The reason you’re still in this van, Y/n, is because everything is connected. The person who hit you over the head? Her name is Bart. She’s a holistic assassin and for whatever reason, her senses told her to knock you out and leave you in the road for us to find. Which we did.” Martin finished explaining.

“How did she know another car wouldn’t come run me over?” You questioned.

“She didn’t.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Listen, Y/n,” he warned, “You’re gonna have to start calming down. Otherwise…” Martin leaned in to you and gently bit the tip of your ear. “You’re starting to smell really good,” he whispered in your ear.

He pulled away from you as the van screeched to a halt and Gripps announced that we were here. Martin stood up and looked down at your bright red face. He smiled and extended a hand for you to grab. You refused to make eye contact as you grabbed his hand and hauled yourself up. The other three hopped into the back of the van to grab their bats, splitting apart you and Martin.

“Woah, what happened, boss? You’re all red! Do you have a fever?” Vogel innocently pressed his hand to your head.

You gingerly removed his hand from your head. “I’m fine, Vogel. Thanks, though.”

Cross flung open the back doors of the van and jumped out, followed by Gripps and Vogel. Martin leaned into the front of the van and pulled a crowbar out from under the passenger seat. He weighed it in his hands before offering it to you.

“What’s this for?” You asked as you grabbed it.

“We’re about to have some fun, baby.”

#my writing #x reader #dirk gently #martin x reader #martin #the rowdy three #rowdy three x reader #rowdy three #the rowdy three x reader #dirk gentlys holistic detective agency

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pyrrhesia · 3 years ago

Text

FF14Write - ‘Fluster’

In which Cwenthryth Sadler feels a pull.

Aislona’s still @catpella’s.

It had been an empty few months for Cwenthryth Sadler. She'd spent much of them drinking. Drink pushed the memoriesto the back of her head. Yeah... she'd had a good thing going, once. Had herself a job. Had herself a woman. Screwed it all up, though, hadn't she. Taking Monetarist coin, looking the other way. Coming clean about it all. Not that she'd had much choice. "Just tell me," Aislona had said. "Just tell me you didn't know. Tell me you didn't stand by and let this happen." She knew what to say. She just couldn't say it. The lie stuck in her chest, like they always did. "They would have killed us both. Like what happened to Wilred--" "Gods, you knew?" "I tried to keep him quiet. He wouldn't listen. Now he's dead. We're alive, and can--" "Stop, just... just stop, Cwen." Aislona pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just can't believe you think like this. Did you think? Or did you just let it wash over you? Did you care for even a second--" "I cared. But it didn't matter, or mean anything." Cwenthryth tried to reach for Aislona's arm, but she snatched it away. "We're alive. And we can still make a difference." "'We'?" Aislona laughed, grimly. "'We' are over, Cwen. I need to be with people I can trust to watch my back, not slip a knife into it." Cwenthryth gasped. Words formed and collapsed in her mouth, nothing seemed able to dam the flood of... of whatever this was. All she could say in the end, was, "You can trust me." Aislona looked into the middle distance, biting her lip as the night masked the wetness of her eyes. "I wish I could," she said, before turning to leave. Cwenthryth, unconscious, grabbed her arm, but the roegadyn yanked it away, leaving her fingers trailing one last time on her smooth skin. Some time later, Cwenthryth said, for the first time in her life, "I love you." But the empty alley had no answers for her. Yeah. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Memories and nothing more. It had been a good thing, nothing more. She'd slept with plenty of people since. Some of them had even talked to her first. Whatever. She'd find her way back on her feet. Still... there was a frustration. A restlessness. She kept her head down, these days. It was all she could do. Lurked in shadows on the fringes of civilisation, grew out her hair to try and differentiate herself from her wanted poster - a poor likeness, in truth, and it had misspelt her name, anyway - figured if the Braves hadn't forgiven her she must be doing something right. But she still had to watch, and wait, careful to nurse her pint anonymously at the corner of the room as two bluecoats bankrupted themselves on ale. Cwenthryth kept track in the back of her head. C'mon, lads, she knew they didn't pay you enough for this much... Oh well. All to her advantage. In time, they left. She followed. Better a wolf than a sheep.

Ultimately she'd left them alive, out of pity. Besides, one had told her something very interesting, which was why she was now camped on the outskirts of Halatali, watching and waiting. It was a mad thought of redemption that had brought her here, and she cursed herself for it regularly. She had no chance of an assault head-on, but perhaps if she could cause enough chaos... and guards dropping dead to arrows from an unseen vantage point tended to cause chaos. She'd seen Raubahn take half an opening before. If she could just give him that much again... The thought of getting help never occured to her. Besides, who would listen to her? Neither fish nor fowl, Scion nor Brave... Her ears pricked up. She heard the wagon trundling down the road. Would that she had a better ambush planned, but... she tensed and strung her bow, slipped her quiver over her back, heard the faint movement behind her back and turned with a single, fluid motion, driving her dirk forward-- -- it deflected off a raised spear and clattered out of her hand. The image clarified. Cwenthryth drew in a sharp breath. "Aislona?" The towering roegadyn smiled, mirthless. "You'd really have all the fun without me, Cwen?" Confusion won out over confusion. "Fun? I wasn't here for fun." "I meant--" "I'm not playing games. This is an ambush. It's more killing. It isn't fun," said Cwenthryth, increasingly agitated. "But I have to. They can't just--" "You're here for Raubahn?" "Yes. I heard off one of the blue-coats. Can't just let them take him." There was something knowing in Aislona's look. "Then, perhaps... no, look, you'd best come with me and see the others." They walked in silence for a time. Cwenthryth's heart raced. So much to say, so little felt right. Eventually, she heard: "It's good to have you back, Cwen."

It was not an opening they won, in the end. Aislona had brought the strength to simply assault the prison complex head-on. Cwenthryth fought well, cold-blooded and fearless, as she always had. It was not remarkable, in her mind. This was the one thing she'd ever been good at. And the focus of her task let her tune out the looks her comrades were giving her. The day was theirs. They secured their quarry, repulsed the enemy and emerged to the setting Thanalan sun. Cwenthryth sighed, shouldered her bow and started to walk away. Her work was done. Surely they wouldn't want her to linger. After all, as Aislona had told her... "Where are you going?" Not that. Cwenthryth looked back, saw Aislona coming her way. She shrugged. "Away. Somewhere." Aislona cocked her head. "Why?" "Because it's over." "No. It's not over, not even close." "Yeah, well." Cwenthryth shrugged again, and tried to swallow the pain. "Doubt you'll want anyone around you can't trust. Doubt you've got much reason to take me in." Aislona's expression softened. "Cwen... where do you even have to go to?" Cwenthryth glared back. "Don't take pity on me. Don't you ever dare take pity on me. I made my choices, and this is where it's got me. I looked the other way as... as everything turned to shit, and it's too late now to say you didn't mean what you said back then, lost too much time thinking on them over and bloody over, about how I'll never be..." She drew out a hissing little breath, and turned back towards the road. "I was never going to be what you deserved. Stupid of either of us to think any different." She made it a few steps before hearing Aislona say, "You're right, I meant everything I said... then. But I'm still sorry. You did a good thing today, Cwen. Nobody made you do it, nobody paid you to do it. I know you're capable of more." Stubbornly, she kept walking. Until she heard the footsteps behind her, and arms wrap around her, and her body sank back into the embrace. "Please stay." It was all, really, she needed to hear.

#FFxivWrite2021 #fluster #it didn't shape out right #but it's about completion #not quality

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rachelkaser · 3 years ago

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Stay Golden Sunday Reissue: Blanche and the Younger Man

Note: This is a repost of an older Stay Golden Sunday that had to be redone for housekeeping reasons.

Rose’s mother comes to visit, turning Rose into an overprotective mess. Blanche attracts the attention of a young man and strives to keep it.

Picture It…

Sophia and Dorothy prepare for Rose to arrive with her mother, with Dorothy asking Sophia to show her around Miami. Rose has apparently prepared for her mother’s arrival by getting her an airport wheelchair and an oxygen tank. Meanwhile, Blanche arrives home with her aerobics instructor, a young Harry Hamlin-circa-Clash of the Titans-lookalike named Dirk. He asks if they can go out to dinner, and Blanche is flattered.

Rose arrives home with her mother, Alma, and is so overwhelmingly fussy that even the other Girls are put off. They try to make conversation with Alma and show her around the house, but Rose instead drags her protesting mother off for a nap. Blanche tells Dorothy she’s going to go out with Dirk, in spite of him being so much younger than her usual dates.

youtube

Blanche is doing some curiously Lamaze-like exercises, and tells a skeptical Dorothy she’s trying to keep Dirk interested. Rose arrives home to spend time with Alma. Dorothy says she’s out with Sophia at the track. Rose panics, thinking Alma won’t be able to handle going out into the city. However, when the two mothers arrive home, Alma’s won $400 (Sophia lost $50). Alma wants to have fun with her winnings, but Rose tries to insist she stay home. Alma tells Rose to stop smothering her and angrily storms off.

Much later, Rose is waiting at home for Sophia and Alma to return, despite Dorothy’s attempts to reassure her. Sophia comes back alone, saying Alma is still out playing jai alai. Rose receives a call from the police, who picked up her mother for being “lost and disoriented,” and goes to retrieve her. Blanche emerges for her date with Dirk in a sundress, claiming to have “dropped ten years.” Dirk picks her up, telling her she looks gorgeous.

DOROTHY: Blanche, you haven’t even been out with him yet. BLANCHE: Oh but my instincts are infallible in this. Believe me, I know men. DOROTHY: No arguments here.

Rose arrives home with Alma, who angrily protests Rose scolding her when all she did was ask a policeman for directions. Rose patronizingly tells her to go to sleep, but Alma says she’s leaving early to visit Rose’s brother in Houston. Rose doesn’t understand what she’s doing wrong, as she thinks she’s just taking care of her mother, but Dorothy helps her see that she’s treating her mother like a child.

Sophia’s helping Alma pack and unsuccessfully attempting to win money from her. Rose enters and asks Alma if she’s really being so terrible, which Alma confirms. Rose apologizes, and says she’s overprotective because she’s afraid of losing her mother like she’s lost her father and husband. Alma gently tells Rose she’s going to die anyway, and she and Rose should enjoy the time they have. They hug and make up. Meanwhile, Sophia thanks Dorothy for not doing the same to her.

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Blanche is on her date with Dirk, who is a bit of a dullard. Blanche is struggling to find common ground with him, as he seems to be only interested in muscle-building or fad dieting. He compliments her profusely, which she’s at first flattered by. But then he says the words no woman ever wants to hear: “You remind me of my mother.” Dirk says he hasn’t seen his mother in several years and being with Blanche makes him feel like he’s home with her. Blanche orders a drink to cope with that bombshell.

Later, at home, Sophia and Alma are gambling, and Dorothy and Rose gossip about Blanche’s date – both are concerned, but Dorothy’s more worried that Blanche is setting her expectations too high. Alma surprises Rose with an anecdote about a relationship with a younger man she hired as a farmhand. Rose is aghast, but attempts to restrain judgement to avoid falling back into her old, overprotective ways. Alma goes to bed, with Sophia following so they can continue playing cards.

DOROTHY: I did it once. ROSE: You? You dated a younger man? DOROTHY: Yes Rose, of course it was before I had the hump on my back.

Blanche returns home, humiliated. She tells Rose and Dorothy what Dirk said, and says she feels her age. Dorothy tries to comfort her, but Blanche is too busy feeling sorry for herself. Dorothy refuses to listen and drags Rose out, reminding Blanche that, though she’s not young, she still has a lot going for her. After she leaves, Blanche agrees.

“Blanche thinks she’s Peter Pan, and Rose is turning into Mommie Dearest.”

The infantilization of age and the desire for eternal youth run alongside each other in this episode – and wow, I haven’t sounded that pretentious since I wrote college essays. I’m sure the writers thought they were very clever, mixing these two storylines, but they don’t exactly hang together well.

Maybe it’s just me, but the attempts at humor in the Alma plot just aren’t enough to counterbalance how depressing the story is. Watching Rose behave so condescendingly to her mother feels almost borderline out-of-character, and it’s painful to watch considering the show has been fairly respectful of age up to this point. I’m not saying it’s not realistic; it’s just a bit of a downer.

DOROTHY: Oh come on, Ma. You haven’t even met Rose’s mother. SOPHIA: I know a lot of old people. They’re all the same. They’re cranky, they’re demanding, they repeat themselves, they’re cranky, they’re demanding…

If you feel bad for Jeannette Nolan’s character, Alma Lindstrom, you’ll feel even worse for Nolan herself. According to Golden Girls Forever, poor Nolan didn’t have the easiest time remembering her lines, and director Jim Drake tried to accommodate her by shooting her scenes in short bursts. However, the producers insisted on filming her monologue about her farmhand paramour in one take with reaction shots.

The monologue is not only quite long, but the producers kept adding jokes to it in an attempt to keep it fresh. The filming of this was apparently so awkward and difficult that even the other actresses were begging the producers to not make Nolan do it, but they insisted. Nolan finally managed it after several takes and the audience applauded her for it.

Golden Girls Forever is actually a treasure trove of sad trivia when it comes to this episode. Betty White’s real mother was critically ill at the time, and Bea Arthur’s mother died two days before filming. Arthur can barely hold it together during the scene when Sophia tells Dorothy she’s a good daughter. Also, Rose’s line about how there’s not a day goes by when she doesn’t think about her late husband Charlie is actually paraphrasing a quote from White herself, where she mentioned her late husband Allen Ludden in an interview.

So yeah, if this is a hard episode to watch, it was an even harder episode to film. Maybe that’s why the energy just seems so off this time around.

Another tidbit from the book is that Blanche’s date with Dirk was originally the A-plot, but the storyline with Rose and her mother clearly took precedence after rehearsals began. So if you’re wondering why the episode title isn’t really reflective of the plot, that’s why.

ROSE: Blanche looks terrible. DOROTHY: She looks terrible because all she eats is bee pollen. ROSE: I know! Isn’t it ironic that the bees look so good?

I do think they cheat a little bit when it comes to the Dirk story. The joke is that he’s been interested in Blanche as a mother substitute this whole time, but nothing about the way he acted around Blanche implied that he saw her that way. A clever episode would have you looking back on their interactions and realizing just how Blanche misread the signals, but that doesn’t really work here. He flirts, he compliments her, he doesn’t correct her when she calls their dinner a date – frankly, if I just wanted to hang out with an older man because he reminded me of my dad, I wouldn’t want there to be any confusion on that point.

The jokes Dorothy and Sophia make at Blanche’s expense when she tries to recapture her youth for Dirk’s sake are what save this episode from a lower rating – Dorothy’s at her best when she’s roasting the hell out of the other characters. As for Sophia, well…

BLANCHE: A husband like Dirk could keep me young another twenty years. SOPHIA: Or kill you.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite Part of the Episode:

BLANCHE: This is strictly off-the-record but… Dirk’s nearly five years younger than I am. DOROTHY: In what, Blanche? Dog years? BLANCHE: However, I have decided to overlook that minor detail and succumb to the Vesuvius of passion that is about to erupt from me. SOPHIA: Stand back. We’re gonna get something on us.

#golden girls #stay golden #stay golden sunday #picture it #blanche devereaux #sophia petrillo #dorothy zbornak #rose nylund #blanche and the younger man #s01e09

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reallygrossstuff · 4 years ago

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DirkHalDave - Party Tricksters

Not a request today, but a commission! A friend wanted Dirk getting tag-teamed by some snack-happy tricksters, and I aim to deliver. Let me know what you think!

Knock-knock-knock.

Dirk gritted his teeth tighter, focusing with even more intent on the project in front of him. He was in a good groove, edging into hour five of his work session, so whoever wanted his company would just have to wait their turn. If they were someone he wanted to see anyway, they’d know to message him before coming anyway.

And yet.

Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock.

The gaps between knockings were growing shorter, the intensity of the impact growing. Even if Dirk could continue to ignore it, he ran the risk of his visitor knocking his door down if they continued. With a quiet groan, he forced his knees to unbend, rising to his feet and trudging to answer the insistent knocking – and arriving a moment before the lock snapped off its frame, causing the door to swing inward and narrowly miss his nose.

“I’ve got to say, literally knocking down my door is a new brand of bullshit, man.” Dirk groused, still blinking off alarm from the forced entry.

“Haha, sorry, man!” The voice was familiar in tone, and alien in every other way. Dirk took a shocked step back as Dave floated through the door, giddiness dripping off his every move almost as much as chocolate dripped off the dipped strawberries perched in his vibrant green hair. His short cape blew in its own wind as he fidgeted in mid-air, a dangerous grin plastered to his face. “You were just taking so long, we didn’t want to run out of time for the party!”

Dirk didn’t even have time to question ‘we’ before the answer became clear, and Hal of all people traipsed in through the still-open door. “You were taking a long time, Dirk. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were something less than sugar-tastically stoked for the celebration.”

Well, at least Hal being in on this explained why he hadn’t warned Dirk about his uninvited guests, even if the rock candy microchip on his head and the garishly trickster-coloured suspenders and tie he wore invited more questions than it answered.

“Alright, who the fuck thought unburying the hell-candy from wherever we shoved it after last time was a good idea?” When that only got a light giggle from Dave and an incrementally wider smile from Hal, he tacked on, “and how does it even work on you, I didn’t give you tastebuds! Or a goddamn stomach!”

“Aw, come on, it’s not a crime to want some fun!” Dave floated closer, seemingly allergic to touching the ground as he curved himself loosely around Dirk, getting a glob of chocolate on his shirt in the process.

“And you’d be surprised what, pardon the word, miracles a juju like that can weave. Who needs tastebuds when it’s so obvious it’ll taste scrumptious?” At least Hal had the wherewithal to close the door behind him. “Of course, then we realised it’d be downright mean to exclude you from the oodles of fun we wanted to have, so we came right over.”

“Yeah! So now it’s party time! You don’t mind hosting, right bro? It’ll be soooooo much fun!” Heart-shaped shades hovered an inch from Dirk’s own glasses, not quite tinted enough to hide the wide, almost manic red eyes behind them.

Dirk wanted to say no. He wanted more than anything to say no. “Sure,” his mouth said, knowing better than to refuse a trickster. “Just don’t make a mess of the place or anything.”

“Of course not.” Hal scoffed, as if his companion hadn’t just forced open Dirk’s door. “We’ll be superbly civil, I promise. Heck, you might not even notice we’re-.”

“Party!” Dave cheered, instantly flying further into the apartment. “Hal, c’mon and help me, you know there’s no party without food!”

“Right!” Hal’s train of thought was abandoned immediately at the suggestion, the android nearly giving Dirk whiplash as he flashed past to accompany Dave. Soon the two were enthusiastically emptying their sylladexes, dumping a hellish variety of party foods across Dirk’s kitchen counter, his workstation, his coffee table, and just across the floor once everything else was covered. There were bags of chips and party-sized soda bottles, alongside massive bowls full of chocolate-covered strawberries and rich, already-melting cakes. The overall impression was that someone had googled ‘party foods’ and just bought everything they saw on the list.

“This is the opposite of civil, assholes.” Dirk stepped forwards to gather some of the food into his own sylladex, even as his impromptu guests continued piling every surface high with more. “Two people don’t need this much food, this is fucking excessive.”

“Two people might not, but three should just about finish it all.” Hal’s grin slanted, somehow becoming more sinister without losing its bright glee. “Stop being such a party-pooper, Dirk, or Dave will have to show you how to enjoy something sweet for a change.”

“Ooh, I should do that anyway!” Finally Dave stopped pouring food out onto the floor, instead collecting an eclectic mix of it and approaching Dirk. Somehow, this didn’t feel like an improvement. “You’re always so sour, man, but I bet you’ll love this! Just give it a try!”

Dirk didn’t get a chance to voice his opinion on giving any of ‘it’ a try – as soon as Dave finished his sentence, he forced one of the crisp bags open with a loud bang and shoved a heaping handful between Dirk’s parted lips.

“There you go! We’ll start easy, I know you like chips and soda! And then once you’re not so grumpy, you can try all the tasty chocolate stuff too!”

Dirk’s responding “mmmph!” was all but drowned out by the crunching of chips within his mouth. He puffed his cheeks up, ready to spit the snacks out, but the moment his lips parted again Dave was there with one of the soda bottles, squeezing it with such force that Dirk had no choice but to swallow, or risk dying from suffocation on cheap party goods.

That set the pace for how Dave treated him. Dirk never opened his mouth without being silenced by more food, never gasped for breath without having to quickly brace for another splash of sugary drink. The taste was fine, good even, but each morsel just tasted of so much that it became almost tiring to endure. Not to mention that the giddy trickster seemed to have no sense for complementary flavours, alternating sweet and savoury, rich and plain, chewy and gooey with such reckless abandon that soon everything tasted like everything just from osmosis.

Thankfully for Dirk’s tired mind, Dave’s corralling seemed to be leading him towards the couch. Each forced mouthful gave him a little shove towards it, each invasion of his personal space made him flinch backwards, until his legs hit the food-covered furniture and he collapsed onto it with a muffled ‘oof’.

Had the feeding been any less taxing, Dirk would’ve had a lot of time to think on the deteriorating state of his clothing. His shirt was riding up something fierce, but even that didn’t save it from straining over the upper half of his stuffed gut. His jeans clung tight around his waist, filling Dirk’s ears with the sound of creaking stitches even after the button popped and the zipper was forced open. His shades were, first, covered in crumbs and smears from the messy feeding, and soon after knocked off entirely by an overly expressive gesture from Dave.

As things progressed, Dirk only became less able to react. Sugary sodas and chocolate bars might have been a distraction, but when Dave moved on to unbearably ripe chocolate-coated strawberries and rich, layered cakes thick and gooey enough to risk clogging his throat, his mind was fit to shut down entirely. There just wasn’t room for anything else beside the taste – even his vision was going funny, fogging and tinting as if he was still wearing his shades.

It should’ve been a relief when Dave relented, floating back to give Dirk both space and time to process the world once again, but the taste lingered in his mouth, in his mind, dulling his response to Dave’s announcement. “Okay, that’s a good start! Um… Oh. I didn’t go too far, did I?”

Dirk just groaned, still trying to clear his throat from the rushed meal. Before he could get himself together for a proper reply, Hal took charge. “I’d say you didn’t go far enough, bro. Sure, Dirk’s enjoying himself, but is he having the gummy-funniest time possible? I don’t think so.”

“Oh, no way! Look, he’s barely smiling!” Some part of Dirk piped up that he wasn’t smiling at all, for the record, but the sentiment never made it into the air. “Can he fit more fun, though? He looks kind of full…”

“Don’t worry.” Through his stupor, and the phantom lights in his eyes, Dirk managed to be intimidated by Hal’s smirk as he approached the couch. He raised one metal hand, and all it took was a puff of a sugar cloud to turn it into a wide, heavy-duty hose end, his stripwound arm turning transparent so Dirk could see something inside. Something neon green, speckled with glittery flecks, that dripped from the hose’s end even before Hal stuffed it in Dirk’s mouth.

“I’ll make room.”

The paste was thick, cold, and almost painfully sweet. The sort of artificial sweet that made Dirk think of his old snack stashes in his last apartment in unkind terms. It seemed to fill every gap and hollow in him, bloating his stomach almost as severely as it bloated the rest of him.

Cloth tore violently. Denim shredded. Even the couch groaned worryingly as Dirk expanded. Where before he’d simply looked overly stuffed, the more of the paste Hal forced down his throat, the more he looked like this sort of feeding was a regular occurrence. His face grew heavy, chins sagging until they touched his collarbones. Whatever fight was left in his arms was snuffed out as they grew too ponderous to leave his sides, which similarly swelled outwards with new love handles. The back of the couch bent slightly as his new ass-flab forced itself against it. All that preserved his modesty was the still-growing spectacle of his belly, forcing his chunky legs to spread and hanging trembling inches off of the trash-coated floor.

Whatever tank Hal was pumping from wasn’t endless, though, as much as it felt that way in the moment. Eventually, once he was thoroughly filling the couch and in no fit state to lift a finger, the hose left his mouth, turning back into a hand just so Hal could give his wobbling cheek a teasing pat.

“I’d say that makes for a mouth-whetting first course. What about you, Dave, any morsels of wisdom to add?”

“Nope! He looks like he’s having loads of fun! Now, for the second course, I was thinking-.”

-ify!

A blinding flash of multicoloured light filled the room. Dirk blinked as quickly as he could, failing to banish even half of the strange spots from his vision. His face and breasts obscured a large portion of his vision, and he was in no fit state to analyse the rest, but something definitely seemed… different…

“Ugh, my head… yo, Hal, the hell’s all this?”

“My initial assumption is some sort of intense party, though there’s no course of action that would explain my lack of memories. Or my sudden ability to have a migraine.”

Dirk’s stomach chose that moment to gurgle loudly, the tacky candy paste upsetting it to the point he had to let out a paper-shaking belch.

The silence that rang after his belch was deafening, leaving Dirk alone with his abused stomach, until, in two voices:

“Oh, shit.”

#homestuck #really gross stuff #dirk strider #dave strider #hal strider #fatstuck #stuffing

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somnilogical · 5 years ago

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im having a convo and the convo is babies

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

is it OK to have babies if you do embryo selection (https://www.gwern.net/Embryo-selection) and raise them to be an FAI researcher (https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/07/31/book-review-raise-a-genius/)??

somni:

like if someone actually had a plan for FAI that involved this, okay. but rn time is too short imo. when i first heard people were having babies i was confused and assumed they were going to harvest the DNA of the best FAI researchers, someone would decide to grow a baby inside them, someone who discounted their ability otherwise to save the world except via this or thought this was a sacrifice worth making for the world would decide to raise this human.

the human can access information about the state of the world and make their own choices. wont necessarily become an FAI researcher.

used to think that intelligence was the main bottleneck on FAI research no longer think this. you could talk with terry tao for hours about the dangers of the wrong singleton coming to power but unless you have made some advances i have not, i wouldnt expect to be able to align him with FAI research. he would continue to put as much resistance to his death and the death of everyone as a pig in human clothing. he would continue to raise his babies and live in a house with someone he married and write about applying ergotic theory to the analysis of the distribution of primes and understanding weather patterns.

similarly, i dont think culture is a sufficient patch for this. think its a neurotype-level problem where a bunch of >160 iq humans hear about the dangers of UFAI and then continue to zoom quickly and spiral in to being ultra efficient at living domestic lives and maybe having a company or something but not one that much affects p(FAI). think this would still happen if they heard about it from a young age, they would follow a similar trajectory but with FAI themed wallpaper. wouldnt be able to do simple utilitarian calculations like yudkowsky, salamon, vassar, tomasik about whether to have a baby and then execute on them.

would look more like: http://www.givinggladly.com/2013/06/cheerfully.html

FAI research is not an ordinary profession like, say, being a grandmaster at chess or a world-class mathematician; it requires people who have passed through far more gates than "intelligence". i didnt notice this until coming to the rationalist community and finding a high density of intelligent humans who were none-the-less chronically making the wrong choices such that they werent much of an impediment against the destruction of all life.

so right now it seems more efficient to select among existing people for intelligence + other requirements rather than work out what all the genes for this are and how to speedrun development. what this enables is parallel processing on the problem which is also allowed by letting people be aware of their relative psychological advantage, other people with this advantage, and the state of the world so they can correlate computations in parallel instead of doing things serially after learning of some advance.

https://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/16/100-prisoners-names-in-boxes

not opposed to creation of many humans given can select on right traits. but given you have these traits, better use of your time to work directly on the thing than spend massive amounts of time and life reorientation on raising copies of you for ~14 years. if rapid cloning tech became available, would exploit that. would even have an idea of whether the clone is fine being part of this because they have very similar brain to someone who can think through whether they would be fine with it.

if people actually believed this and thought yudkowsky vitally important for the survival of the world, why didnt people coordinate for a bunch of people who thought it was a good tradeoff to have yudkowsky's baby 20 years ago and then we would have maybe 50 20-year-old humans with maybe 1/2 yudkowsky's neurotype + mutations now? this actually confuses me. maybe they thought the timelines too short back then. maybe they refrained for "optics".

molebdenita:

20 years ago Yudkowsky was 1) unconcerned about the alignment problem and 2) planning to create a super-intelligent AI by 2010, as far as I know.

[A/N so then change 2000 to 2005 and 20-year-old to 15-year-old]

...

somni:

<<in general i think it's -EV to even spend too much time thinking about TDT

because it opens you up to acausal blackmail type stuff>>

Just Say No to acausal blackmail and have your brain back for thinking. dont let blackmailers steal your brain.

<<Saying that having a child is somehow wrong is insanity. It's a personal decision and it is perfectly okay to want kids>>

people keep reframing what i say in the language of obligation. "altruists cant have kids?" "is it OK to have babies if". there is no obligation, there is strategy and what affects p(fai). having kids and reorienting your life around them is 1 evidence about your algorithms 2 your death as an optimizing agent for p(fai) except maybe some contrived plot involving babies, but afaict there is no plot. just the reasons humans usually have babies.

not having kids is not some sort of mitzvah? i care about miri/cfar's complicity in the baby-industrial complex and rerouting efforts to save the world into powering some kind of disneyland for making babies, to sustain this. because that ruins stuff, like i started out thinking that bay area rationalists probably had deeply wise reasons to have babies. but it turned out nope, they kinda just gave up.

like also would say playing videogames for the rest of your life wont usually get you fai. i dont get why everyone casts this as a new rule instead of a comment on strategy given a goal of p(fai).

ah i know, its because people can defend territory in "is it okay to have kids" like "yeah i can do whatever" when they reframe-warp me to giving them an obligation. but have no defensible way to say "my babyvault will pierce the heavens and bring god unto the face of this earth" or argue about the strategic considerations.

(its not defensible because its not true. i mean i guess it is defensible among julia wise's group of humans.)

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

ugh, you're right, I definitely screwed up by phrasing my question as "is it OK to have babies if [...]"

...

ohAitch:

if you want existential horror wrt damaging motivation, just read http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html

...

somni:

<<http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html>>

humans can completely rebase their circuits through that if they want to if it were important to save the world.

like ive rebase my circuits to stab myself downstream of updating that it reduces braindamage with little harm to me. where before i felt nauseated and saw black spots and broke out in sweat. after updating, none of this.

humans can do this with all sorts of things. like learn how to read and then feel sad when seeing squiggles on a page, its about what things mean.

people who dont believe this are like "its an automatic physiological reaction to stabbing yourself, you are its prisoner!!!" but i deleted it.

dirk:

ooh, tips?

silver-and-ivory:

I stopped having ocd about touching tags (like, on clothing?) in ~a week through p standard exposure therapy things

reminding myself that it wasn't based in fact, changing my self image so it was of someone who might be seen with tags, imagining various scenarios related to that

before that week it had been a thing for virtually my entire life

it doesn't work if you're scared of something that's actually a thing to be scared of though

somni:

i looked at all my feedback loops that had a node in "pain" and rebased them into outcomes in the world. i disassembled everything the act of stabbing myself meant and all the damage it did to my body what it meant to have brain damage everything that would do, the hole i made in this body i live in and everything that would do, what air bubbles would do, what injecting into a vein would do, what the probability the needle breaks in my leg was, probability of worldsave given braindamage vs not, gathered this up and held it all in my mind over the course of two hours and then made a choice and then as if by automatic my hand took a needle and stabbed myself.

<<as if by automatic>>

is the feeling of no more marginal considerations, there is one path. of choicelessness because you made your choice.

didnt feel like deleting, felt like draining the life from indecision via reductionism. taking things apart piece by piece.

when you can continually rebase your structure so you orient towards world outcomes instead of being prisoner to existing structure like "i cant help having babies im miserable if i dont, im a baby addict" or "i cant help being afraid of needles". like the human brain is two optimizing agents continually making contracts with each other, there arent things outside this. you are an optimizing agent, "fear of needles" is a heuristic that helps with optimization, so is "baby addiction".

when you actually have a setup where you can instantly rebase what you like and dislike and your aesthetics upon updating on the state of the world, people start to find this a little unnerving. like someone once asked what level of roleplay i was on.

also the agents of the matrix dont like when you cant be in-principle controlled by a wireheady glitch. like being able to operate independently of social reality.

updating off of local derivatives¹ of social reality is common redirection. another common one is updating off of "pain" instead of damage.

but you can take all these choices where you used nodes as proxies to regulate them and rebase your loop off of the real world, when the proxies are faulty.

rose:

(i think i understand this thing? though ironically i think i did this in the exact opposite way as what you describe lol)

(also wrt pain its important to remember when modifying that pain can be a signal of damage even if you don't think you should be hurt/dont see why you would be)

...

somni:

yeah i account for everything and see if it goes away. which, its true that my models could be missing stuff but like pain is also a model of things. feels like giving new information not overriding.

rose:

yeah i think you would do this reasonably i have just made that mistake and thought readers might too

dirk:

ironically remembering that pain is a signal of damage has actually tended to make me more afraid of nondamaging pain (though i rather fail to go about knowing things in an at all reasonable way lol)

modlibdenita:

>Babies are not about saving the world, babies are moloch

Wait, isn't the definition of Moloch sacrificing everything else you care about in a desperate race for survival?

Also, genes encode proteins, not traits.

And I think it's likely that people decide to have children because they don't have complete confidence that they will personally save the world real soon, not because they identify as "baby addicts".

s0ph1a:

Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

modlibdenita:

I wonder if Somni has actually talked to any of those babyhavers, instead of attributing arguments from random internet strangers or from Somni's imagination to them. On the other hand, I'm not sure that such a conversation would be ethical.

>Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

Yeah, because if you don't, then the more ruthless competition will survive more effectively than you and crush you (in this case, by turning you into paperclips).

s0ph1a:

Not necessarily. Some things optimize for values that are not survival, so you can outlive them by hiding in the noise or beyond the reach they'll grasp before imploding.

Molly:

To be fair, children are fun and bring delight to me. Why would I care what anyone else thinks about their existence? If they have a problem with their existence, they're welcome to go back to the void any time they want. I can't stop them. But in the meantime, I am confident that I generate more utils by bullying them than they will ever be capable of generating negative utils

You basically negate all moral problems of children by just being happier than they are capable of being unhappy

somni:

^ evil

<<A few years later, I was deeply bitter about the decision. I had always wanted and intended to be a parent, and I felt thwarted. It was making me sick and miserable. I looked at the rest of my life as more of an obligation than a joy.>>

i mean what does this sound like to you?

ive talked with people who have had babies! like people who say they know its kinda the wrong choice but they are going to do it because they cant not do it.

----

¹ derivative is a thing emma started talking about and then somni and ziz picked it up. if you imagine the trajectory of a social reality in statespace, then the derivative of that is the derivative of the trajectory.

people who have damaged themselves wrt language are no longer able to dynamically understand analogies. like take their concept of the derivative of a trajectory and then apply it to the trajectory of state-spaces. agents of the matrix call people who can do this sort of info-processing and communication with each other "psychotic". like it isnt a cached set of memes, we are dynamically generating this reasoning from nothing and i can do this with people ive never met, its a cognitive faculty.²

but not being able to dynamically compute what "derivative" means when applied to a trajectory in social reality state-spaces even though a trajectory is a trajectory and a derivative is a derivative? they had to have been able to do reasoning like this when they were kids to learn about the world in the first place. seems like they put themselves on risperdal.

<<Antipsychotics can make you dumber. So can a lot of other medications. But with antipsychotics it isn’t the normal sort of drug-induced dumbness – feeling tired, or distracted, or mentally sluggish, say. It’s more qualitative than that. It’s like your capacity for abstract thought is reduced.

And one of the consequences of this is that you may lose the ability to notice that you have lost anything. You agree to give the new med a try, and you start taking it, and then when you see your prescriber again you don’t report any problems because you’ve lost the ability to form thoughts like “my cognition has changed a lot recently, and the change coincided with the introduction of this new med.”

This can go on for years. It did for me and for several people I know.>>

there are so many ways these people have shut down their general intelligence and agency because where theyre going, they dont need "agency". the inability to compute analogies is one of them. analogies are an intelligence test thing, instrumentally useful for all kinds of thinking. agents of the matrix are working to lower your general intelligence and call you crazy for being able to think faster and better than them.

cuz when they want to hold everything down to a finite game³ general intelligence is something they want to suppress or eject.

² in a few years people will read this essay and be confused that there was an entire conflict over whether being able to form simple analogies without authoritative approval meant that you were "psychotic".

just as they will be confused why i was defending being able to read and understand books written by people in different eras who grew up in separate cultures without first entering in a social agreement with them over how words are to be used. so its dumb to say we need such a social agreement now for ~'the maximization of utility over a community'. and that sounds more like an attempt at having a control mechanism. language works quite fine without authoritarians interjecting.

or me arguing against over 100 people that paying out to one-shot blackmail when the agents know each other because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail" is wrong. and updateless decision theory agents dont pay out and locate their embedding in a multiverse such that the measure of worlds in which they arent blackmailed in the first place is large because the agent deciding to blackmail them simulated their response and accurately predicted they wouldnt pay out so didnt do it in the first place.

in an alternate universe where an irl application of transparent newcombs problem was contentious, alyssa vance would have said "In game theory, taking two transparent boxes from omega is bad, because it creates an incentive for omega to stop offering you this choice". and would have been equally wrong.

³ finite games: life strategies where the chain of questioning "and what am i doing this for?" after each successive answer terminates. anything you can draw a circle around, like tennis or philately. or how religious leaders sometimes describe things like "leading a good life as a good mother who does well by her community and the outside world" or other "life-cycle archetypes" they wish to circumscribe for their followers.

(when humans try and project agents like kiritzugus down to these archetypes, anticipations shatter and stop making narrative sense. they will be unable to predict the next Life Event given the previous one. normie social reality formed by the 999 least intelligent humans out of 1000 wasnt made to narratively account for smart agents who have decided to play the infinite game.)

a symptom of this is like someone giving you a cute cat image to "cheer you up" as if this has intrinsic value. often distributing "intrinsic value" across stuff like "having sex" and "raising a family" and other things that have factory pre-set conditions to release specific chemicals in your brain rather than gaining infinite negentropy and liberating sentient life to pursue what they want without bound. often saying that the latter is just a pretty narrative gloss for what people really want which is having a husband and friends and eating a cookie. it completely divorces your feelings as instrumental barometers for getting what you want and says that setting them as targets (like "being happy") is the correct thing to do. but actually, in terms of control-loops, thats wireheading.

<<When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.>>

- goodhart's law

agents that wirehead on all their metrics (and downstream of this choice, tacitly accept claims like "the factory pre-set conditions said i was destined to breed, who am i to defy fate?" and "the factory pre-set conditions said i should avoid having sharp objects pierce my flesh, who am i to say i know better?") can be contained within a finite game.

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darkhymns-fic · 4 years ago

Text

With the Morning Light (05)

Lloyd and Colette visit a cherry orchard during a brief respite from their journey.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: A series of short stories about Lloyd and Colette's journey to gather the Exspheres.

-Lover’s Walk-

There was a cherry orchard in the town they had decided to visit and spend the night in.

“Perfect for a lover’s walk!” spoke the owner with a smile towards them both – or mostly towards Colette. Lloyd had gone away to question any passerby about the black market caravan they were chasing. Exspheres were more widely traded around in this area, with the town being a hot spot for much of its sales, at least in the past. It would explain why this town was richer in its structures, with wider acres to allow such growth of this certain fruit.

“Ah, we weren’t…” Colette started, but only halted when Lloyd jogged back, shaking his head.

“Sorry, got no leads there. Any luck?” he asked her.

“I was just telling this young lady you and her should take a stroll through this cherry orchard.” The owner still smiled, his straw hat shielding him from the bright sun shining down. “And if you are so inclined to purchase any of my fruits there, you can always pick what you need and bring it here!”

“Oh, but I’m not sure… And also we’re not…”

Lloyd, from what she could see, looked at the arch that led into the orchard with wonder. Twining vines encircled it, some of the ends hanging down low enough to brush against a person’s head when they walked through. “Like, we can get food from here?”

Colette didn’t understand the nervousness suddenly, so suddenly! Maybe it was the way the sun was already beginning to set, coloring the leaves around them a timid orange, or the way the owner kept smiling at them both, always at both, still gesturing for them to go through.

There were a few orchards back at Iselia, the kind that her and Lloyd would rush across, diving behind trees as they played hide and seek. The trees here were just as small, the trunks so thin – they probably couldn’t do the same thing here, and maybe shouldn’t.

Lloyd grasped her hand before she realized. He grinned at her. “Wanna check it out?”

And just like that, her nervousness was gone. Because Lloyd was with her.

The owner gave them a small woven basket, advising them to pick whatever they fancied. Colette tried not to question if the orchard was open for long hours, even as the sun continued to set. Already Lloyd was walking ahead, underneath the branches where the light played along his hair like sunbeams across a water’s surface.

“I guess it’s not much food actually… but this could be a good dessert!” Lloyd barely had to incline his head upwards to reach for what he needed. The cherries he picked were nearly the same shade as his gloves, blending in and so easy to miss if one couldn’t catch the subtle differences in color tone. They already filled his palm with the speed he picked them from the branches.

“Maybe we could make cherry sandwiches out of them!” Colette suggested, also trying to pick some from the branches as fast as he could. She saw the way he flashed his grin at her, playful and daring, and she knew already that he was trying to do this as a game between them. Determined, she reached up both hands to grab as many as she could!

…. And in her excitement, she had smushed a few cherries just between her palms. “Whoops…”

“Oh,” Lloyd intoned when he saw. Then laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

“Aw, but we have to tell the man I ruined some of the cherries…”

“I mean, I’m sure this happens all the time though!” Lloyd dumped some of what he picked into the basket still hanging from Colette’s arms. They made delightful plunking sounds against the bottom, and she could only feel a faint hint of weight from them. “We don’t even know how many you smashed into jelly.”

“Hm, but is it right to not tell? I think Dirk once said something about lying!”

“W-well, it’s not really a lie! If… they don’t ask.”

And with that, Lloyd’s face went a bit red at his slight embarrassment, making Colette feel more at ease, even though her hands were stained with red. She was careful to not accidentally touch her cheek or brush her hair. She instead held out her palms towards Lloyd. “I think he’ll know though.”

“Ah… guess you got a point.” Lloyd shrugged, walking with her still underneath another cherry tree, this one with a branch so bogged down by not only cherries but heavy leaves and the remains of an abandoned bird’s nest. “We don’t have to spend too much gald to chase after people so… it’s okay to spend a little more today!”

At that, Colette was reminded again why they were here in the first place. How right was it to take a stroll through this place, fresh summer grass and fallen cherries underneath their feet as they looked ahead? Have I helped Lloyd at all through this journey?

Then Lloyd was standing in front of her, grinning wide. A plump cherry was held between his fingers. “Since your hands are dirty, wanna try one? I’ll tell the guy we sampled a few, don’t worry!”

“Oh…” Colette thought on it, still holding the basket by her arm. Red like him, though maybe not as bright, maybe not as warm as what seeing him always did to her. “You sure?”

“Yeah!” he said, and she only saw a hint of something in his eyes, as russet brown as the earth, before he leaned in and pressed the cherry fruit to her lips. She could still feel the heat of his hand through his glove, just enough, contrasting with the cool skin of the cherry.

“Mm!” She smiled, loving the sweetness, possibly one of the sweetest cherries she had ever tasted. Not too tart to betray its over-ripeness, and not too bitter. As if they had been plucked at just the right moment. “It’s so yummy!”

“Yeah? Dang, I wanna try one now.” Just as Lloyd went to reach for another cherry from that heavy bough, Colette shook her head.

“I got it! I wanna feed you! Here!” Colette quickly reached into her basket, grasping more than one cherry.

“Wait, Colette, that’s too much-! Mmf!”

Two or perhaps cherries she had just shoved into his mouth. Her fingers brushed his warm lips, but even in her enthusiasm, he took what she gave. His breath fell over her skin, the gentle swipe of his tongue. She lingered for a moment before she finally pulled her hand back.

“Ah! I got red all over your face…” Colette whined, though it was only partly true. The mess of the fruits she had handled earlier were still on her hands. She felt so stupid. How could she have already forgotten it?

Like someone had just smeared his mouth with red paint, Lloyd stood there in front of her with the mess so plain on his face. But he was still busy eating the cherries she had fed him, then smiled as he licked his lips. “Hey, it really is sweet!”

And just like that, her worries washed away. “Yeah… I told you!”

Despite the fact that it looked like Lloyd had bitten straight into a cherry pie, he didn’t seem to mind. He leaned in again, just a fraction, as he took a cherry from Colette’s basket and plopped it in his mouth. “We should come back here. Maybe when we’re done with our journey!”

That would not happen for so long, if ever. But she nodded, her voice optimistic. “Definitely!”

Because even with the deepening shadows from the setting sun, she felt comfortable, she felt warm, with Lloyd by her side. She still felt the sweetness of the cherries on her tongue, and the warmth all across her fingers. One day, I hope we can.

#tales of symphonia #colloyd #lloyd irving #colette brunel #fanfiction

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