#but yeah and ive been thinking abt it all day
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so uh i learned something about myself today
#its hard for me to tell#because ive always struggled to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings#but#i think i like a girl???#OK I HAVE TWO CLASSES WITH HER RIGHT#(storytime)#and i saw her in chemistry on the first day and i just thought she was pretty#but not in an im attracted to her way#just oh shes pretty#and i complimented her eyes#because she has THE PRETTIEST EYES#WHEN I TELL YOU SHE HAS BILLIE EILISH EYES#BUT LEGIT PRETTIER#LIKE I CANT#THEYRE BLUE BUT GREEN BUT ALSO JUST SO AFDSAF#and yeah i just kinda took notice of her#and ive been wondering how i feel about girls recently#but i moved on#but then today#i saw her in photography class and idk something just clicked#and i was like WAIT I THINK I LIKE HER#mind you i was listening to chappell roan at the time#so i was like OOOOHHHH YOU REALLY DO HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING DONT YOU#but yeah and ive been thinking abt it all day#and uhhh here we are#so im not straight anymore#ALSO SHE HAS THE PRETTIEST SMILE#AND HER HAIR#AND SHES SO SWEET ACTUALLY THE NICEST PERSON EVER#eunoia annoys '♡'
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rare bg3 Tav moment coming from me to you with a doodle assortment. with a goth gf cameo of course
#this was rly fun thank u for asking abt Ren.... please ask me anything abt them if you'd like <333#it was fun thinking abt headcanons for her and shadowheart as well#her calf and hip tattoos are BOTH shadowhear related...simp alert#ALSO YEAH i had to crop shad from that top pic bc she didnt come out right. sorry#bg3#bg3 fanart#bg3 art#bg3 tav#bg3 oc#shadowheart#shadowtav#shadowheart x tav#art#fanart#ALO LMAO this is my third post today?? bruh i havent moved form the couch all day ive just been going ham#ren
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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critter behavior
#spoon doodles#joel smallishbeans#it looks like i printed him on a poptart....#anyway yeah ive been thinking abt him all day he is just such a guy 2 me
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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More of my favourite low effort CPDS Members as my screenshotted tiktok comments memes for you as an apology for being so inactive and proof I am still around hehe <33
#am just about to start my final year of university#which is pretty crazy to thing abt#so if anyones been wondering where I've been....ive been around haha#been working on shows basically non stop#apparently 13 hour day tech weeks dont leave much time or energy for tumblr posting 😔😔#i also get way too hype thinking abt mischief which means it takes even more energy out of me oopsie#i did work on a production this year that was basically rip off ppgw it was very fun especially knowing the context but it is so difficult#pantomime tech is so difficult things just dont like to go to plan#very rewarding tho#anyway if anyone is interested in what im doing u can follow my tech professional instagram acc @abirustagetheatretech#anyway yeah accept my badly made memes as my apology for being so inactive#love u all lots still <33#hope everyone is doing well#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#the goes wrong show#mischief theatre memes
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May i request an edgeworth please? :D or maybe some vk siblings? (i love them in case you couldn't tell)
they're arguing about what snack to split before court
#ace attorney#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma#indys art#YEAH SAME ive been thinking abt them during aai1 all day HGJKHLJ
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lonely sad and so so poorly so think I'm gonna work on requests until I get sleepy :)
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#ive had such a sore tummy all day :(((#and im a lil down bc i saw something i wish i hadn't but#im trying not to let it get to me too much#i don't rly have anyone to talk to though so that's a lil upsetting!#contacting a mental health service tho bc i don't want to spiral abt it#ive had a lil cry!! i managed to hold it together for a while but i started thinking too hard and had a lil weep#but im not crying rn and i just wanna be proactive abt it so i dont end up feeling worse#but yeah since i got no one to talk to rn i have some time to write so i thought i'd try and get through some requests!!#sorry ive been so sucky with them#i love u all very much and sorry im not as active these days#thank u all who still support me and reach out tho ily all a whooooooooole lot :3#i hope ur all having lovely days and nights mwah mwah
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i dont know how it took me this long to fully come to terms with it but. im literally just aro. or something to that effect.
#incoherent turtle noises#‘often when i play a game w/ romance options i accidentally play the most aroace protag ever’ <- does he know?#‘these are my fav characters i love them. btw theyre easily interpreted as aro.’ <- Does He Know?#and most egregiously of them all:#‘yeah let’s get friendmarried im never gonna wanna be in a romantic relationship anyway.’ <- DOES HE KNOW?#like. i can indulge in romance and sexuality in the hypothetical. for any gender. so im bi.#but truly im too disinterested to engage w/ it in reality. ive accepted the asexuality but aromanticism felt untrue bcos ive had crushes#but. rewind the tape. ive never wanted to kiss anyone. or do couple stuff. i just wanted someone to think im special & pay attention to me.#surprise that doesnt have to be romantic! and im fully satisfied being in a qpr. god the fact that my partner was just like. like.#’yknow ive been thinkin abt it i think i might just be aro’ ‘Yeah. I Know.’ and i didnt??? <- He Did Not Know.#the fact that this all finally processed in the brain yesterday. on valentine’s day. love loses!! lets gooo!!!!
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Films good movies good banshees of inisherin was good
#mfw a movie has irish slang in it and i am familiar with it instead of usamerican stuff#i have Some Thoughts on the setting of inisherin + the time period given the givens abt the aran islands#but nothing concrete. might meditate on it#like ok im no scholar on the aran islands ive been there a couple times ive read a couple articles thats it#but like. the tourism leaning into their image of Old Irish Villagín With Sheeps And Stone Walls basically overruns its reputation#and the islands have leaned hard into the tourism and portraying themselves as True Irish Old Villages or whatever#and thus settles the situation where like. everything about the islands pander to the tourists#the islands themselves are not doing well as places to live iirc#aging population people moving away lack of amenities and funding and resources that arent Tourism#its a gaeltacht but the tourism business mandates knowing english etc etc etc lotsa shit#like i had a school friend from an island and she was always unreachable on breaks bcos the island didnt have wifi#SO! the islands around ireland suffer from lack of facilities while bending to tourism bcos they gotta#BACK 2 BANSHEES to be clear inisherin isnt an actual island but it was filmed on inish mór and very clearly based on the arans#i like the island setting bcos of the sense of isolation it gives i think it was a good choice for the movie#HOWEVER its like. you know the thing where all irish media needs to be set in the old times#when we were all wearing aran wool jumpers and playing our little instruments and being cute historical dotes#yeah. that. compounded with the aran islands wicked having to play into that in the present day#like banshees itself isnt that bad an offender. the island setting just makes it more obvious and you could tick lines off on a bingo sheet#(shoutout to the obligatory civil war reference)#where was i going with this. im tired of weird 'back when ireland was ireland' shit being Thee thing to make art abt#this is why young offenders is the best piece of irish cinema this decade. i need to rewatch the young offenders
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the fact i can stay up for over 24 hrs while already running on less than 10 hrs of sleep before that and still have yet to be a normal about of tired is both surprising and FUCKING ANNOYING
#god someone sedate me#like i dont wanna go to sleep bc i dont feel tired and i cant begin to go to sleep unless i feel tired otherwise i wont sleep as fast#my eyes feel heavy but not in a sleepy way idk. i can feel my brain detereorating as we speak BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO FUCKING SLEEP#if i get temporary insomnia because of fKN JAYVIK??? idk what i'll do but i will be shocked either way#which yes thats part of the reason ive been staying up all week its to browse the jayvik tag n lose track of time#but also i tried to go to sleep yesterday bc i was tired and i woke up like 4 hours later and couldnt sleep again so thats annoying#even when i try i cant do it HAHA but yeah i think ive been awake for over 24hrs which makes abt <10hrs combined for like 3 days#also ive saw some shadows move so thats how that is going rn HAHA#so im doing great and my mental health is at an all time high🫠👍🏻#i'll take a melatonin gummy and see how that works out i guess. at least i dont work tomorrow lmao (or i guess today now technically)
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english prof just left LOADS of feedback on my essay omg this is so exciting
#personal#the english chronicles#FINALLY!!!!!!!! someone who doesn’t just slap an a on it and call it a day#most of it is picking at me for passive voice use and my really shitty conclusion paragraph BAHAHA we were limited to 3 pages#and i was really struggling to cut it down bc. the prompt i chose involved 7 different concepts like give examples of these concepts in this#short story but i also had to Define and Explain the concepts and then there was also the intro and conclusion and header block and it’s#double spaced like 3 pages is rlly not enough for this prompt if you want to give a genuine critical analysis. so my conclusion was#extremely short and shallow lmfao but yeah. he also left lots of praise 😌 AND! he left audio recording for everyone?? like damn okay you are#a prof who genuinely wants to see his students improve thank you thank you thank you 🙏��� yes i only got a 90 which i think is the lowest ive#ever gotten on an essay but idc my respect for him just Shot up. also only four of us got A-range grades so i still feel p okay abt that#and i started the essay night of so all things considered this could have gone worse lol#also i got the top score on the exam last week so still riding that high (i needed the ego boost so bad guys 💀) but anyway. i think he’s#retiring after this semester tho this is so tragic he’s also just a rlly fun nice guy in class too like i would 100% take him again#but yeah. i will concede that i fall into passive voice a lot without realizing it so glad he said smth abt it i will be more mindful 🫡#also i guess i did a couple page citations incorrectly it has been a minute since i touched mla and i thought you could either segue into a#page citation like on so and so page they say this OR do parenthetical in-text citation at the end of a quote but he only wants the#parenthetical type ever. not sure if this is a flat rule of mla or just teacher preference i will b looking into this#edit okay looks like flat rule for mla. my bad 🙈 i only did the segue thing twice instead of the parenthetical citation thankfully
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also. think im gonna take a page out of iii's book & let myself get hit in the face with unfamiliar music live
#ive had this.. unfulfilled craving lately..#to go to more concerts.........#i dont get to do that often & honestly in the past i was fine with that#but lately its been nagging at me.....#since the festival back in august especially#like.. its turned into a NEED almost..#and listening to him talk abt that topic the other day.....#i think that was just the push i needed to actually. DO something about it#and i just happened across a very viable opportunity#which. the TIMING of it all? fucking impeccable#everything happens for a reason nothing is a coincidence#so. yeah.#it's time to start getting more out of life!
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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(credits to ssruis)
This song is the only thing keeping me going I do not play about mr showtime 😞 nothing ruined me (made my life better) the way this song did
(Sendn. Me songs to do this with in my ask box… sniffle…)
#circuses? heh.. yeah.. im familiar… jesters? oh#even better…. rellakinoko? now hold on this is already gonna be good… tsukasa tenma? im sold. the fish has been captured. im followinf the#sirens into the deepest parts of the sea and wont be coming back. Unfortunately i had gotten t1k (t571) on ensekai for phoenix and am still#bitter about it. Emu and nene came home but the ugly blonde didnt. This is why we’re having problems tsukasa#i have a mr showtime themed custom profile that needs to be finished aand i gotta work on my one for#tsukasa4#ill be more prepared for that one im certain of it#knocking on wood#PRAYING.#t500 would have been nice you know… unfortunately i ran out of resources.#i think the amount of time and love ive poured into making everything abt this event makes up for this though. Also this is gonna sound#obnoxious but i feel like one of the five people who actually. You know. Get the event. Like its importance which ill elaborate on in a#future post. Everybody wants to talk about this event but nobody wants to read the story#and the side stories Guysss ur missing out its so good when youre not forcing urself to think tsukasa has an ed and dont even know a single#thing abt acting yet believe one google search can prove that method acting is Absolutely Totally Going To Ruin His Life#i dont think fasting was alright it was pretty stupid but what he did doesnt make him have an ed or this or that#I do think you should be very. Very careful with method acting by the way. That can mess you up. But i dont think thats where theyll be#taking tsukasa in the future. Yes itd be nice to show the risks and get a You know be careful but its not as dark and This is gonna ruin hi#😞😨My poor baby!! As people think#omg i got sidetracked LET ME TALK ABT THE BINGO???1?1? Easily distracted ass#Uhm. Where do i begin. Nvm i dont wanna write too much more but this song truly does mean the world to me#And rella’s art is so goood my eyes are always glued to it. For some reason i keep having trouble fcing the expert chart for it on ensekai#ut was just fine on jpsekai. Frowny face. I could listen to the song all day though#Those instrumentals are popping offff i tell you#hidden circus#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#wansho#commissioned song#prsk
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