#but yeah and ive been thinking abt it all day
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so uh i learned something about myself today
#its hard for me to tell#because ive always struggled to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings#but#i think i like a girl???#OK I HAVE TWO CLASSES WITH HER RIGHT#(storytime)#and i saw her in chemistry on the first day and i just thought she was pretty#but not in an im attracted to her way#just oh shes pretty#and i complimented her eyes#because she has THE PRETTIEST EYES#WHEN I TELL YOU SHE HAS BILLIE EILISH EYES#BUT LEGIT PRETTIER#LIKE I CANT#THEYRE BLUE BUT GREEN BUT ALSO JUST SO AFDSAF#and yeah i just kinda took notice of her#and ive been wondering how i feel about girls recently#but i moved on#but then today#i saw her in photography class and idk something just clicked#and i was like WAIT I THINK I LIKE HER#mind you i was listening to chappell roan at the time#so i was like OOOOHHHH YOU REALLY DO HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING DONT YOU#but yeah and ive been thinking abt it all day#and uhhh here we are#so im not straight anymore#ALSO SHE HAS THE PRETTIEST SMILE#AND HER HAIR#AND SHES SO SWEET ACTUALLY THE NICEST PERSON EVER#eunoia annoys '♡'
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rare bg3 Tav moment coming from me to you with a doodle assortment. with a goth gf cameo of course
#this was rly fun thank u for asking abt Ren.... please ask me anything abt them if you'd like <333#it was fun thinking abt headcanons for her and shadowheart as well#her calf and hip tattoos are BOTH shadowhear related...simp alert#ALSO YEAH i had to crop shad from that top pic bc she didnt come out right. sorry#bg3#bg3 fanart#bg3 art#bg3 tav#bg3 oc#shadowheart#shadowtav#shadowheart x tav#art#fanart#ALO LMAO this is my third post today?? bruh i havent moved form the couch all day ive just been going ham#ren
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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critter behavior
#spoon doodles#joel smallishbeans#it looks like i printed him on a poptart....#anyway yeah ive been thinking abt him all day he is just such a guy 2 me
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More of my favourite low effort CPDS Members as my screenshotted tiktok comments memes for you as an apology for being so inactive and proof I am still around hehe <33
#am just about to start my final year of university#which is pretty crazy to thing abt#so if anyones been wondering where I've been....ive been around haha#been working on shows basically non stop#apparently 13 hour day tech weeks dont leave much time or energy for tumblr posting 😔😔#i also get way too hype thinking abt mischief which means it takes even more energy out of me oopsie#i did work on a production this year that was basically rip off ppgw it was very fun especially knowing the context but it is so difficult#pantomime tech is so difficult things just dont like to go to plan#very rewarding tho#anyway if anyone is interested in what im doing u can follow my tech professional instagram acc @abirustagetheatretech#anyway yeah accept my badly made memes as my apology for being so inactive#love u all lots still <33#hope everyone is doing well#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#the goes wrong show#mischief theatre memes
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ah yes
playing my favourite game of "why are my insides tormenting me?": stress, gastrointestinal infection, intolerance to something, probably ibs, cramps, cancer god forbid, dehydration, stress, gut bacteria shenanigans, hunger, the plague (long covid), stress....
#did i mention stress#i think ive been having on and off tummy issues since highschool#thats like 7 years now lol#my insides = soggy biscuits atp#im seriously not having a good time#stomach issues#stomach problems#my dumbass brain-gut axis#go to a doctor u say? u forget i have memory issues i cant trust my brain at all. also i have no time awareness#only i could have been legit in pain for years and think to myself yeah that was last month. like two weeks ago. just the other day#id be a terrible patient lol#when did the symptoms start? whos to say#can u describe the pain? idk can i#are u stressed? bish u think?#idk man#i realised recently that im terrifed of hospitals. very convenient that im in uni studying the hospital major lol#i mean as in having the script flipped on me. im chill w being the doctor. the patient? id rather be punted into the sun im sorry#so much respect and all my prayers to everyone with chronic illnesses. those who are all too well acquainted with hospital rooms & monitors#and everyone in between. ive seen it first hand and it can be so painful. from check ups to treatment its all so. difficult?#.......just realising that this may or may not be related to my fear of -to the point of evasion- vulnerability. hgfdsdf damn#ending the post here before i discover more uncomfortable truths abt myself lmao
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man if we get canon alloromantic brad im gona. lose my mind
#i am constantly fighting the urge to say im gona kms cuz ik its not healthy to say#but good god if we get alloromantic brad im gona cry#maybe not Actually but like i feel like its pretty rare to see a character show literally Zero interest in romance#and brad and jo both show literally zero interest in romance and so its so easy for me to be like!!!!!! see!!!! they r aro!!!!!#but like. AGHH i wish i had better words but i really dont like when romance is just kinda shoehorned in because like. it ‘has’ to be#ITS JUST!!!!!#LIKE YA KNOW??? they show bo interest in it and i just have a sinking feeling that one or both r gona be confirmed alloro n its like ughhhh#i just feel very strongly about them being aromantic (specifically apothiromantic)#IM RLLY STRUGGLING to not repeat myself a dozen times but its just nice to see characters who dont show romantic interest like at all idk#n i am just a Little worried that they are just gona throw romance into their characters when it rlly doesnt need to be there#and like idk maybe my reading of them is really off base but like i just feel like romance Doesnt fit with them#like i genuinely cant see them caring about it at all#mythic quest#brad bakshi#vent#? yeah i think this is venty enough to warrant that#jo mythic quest#< this is less abt jo cuz there hasnt been any like talk of jo being in a romantic relationship but this still applies to her#morty talks woah#aromantic#i have a lot of energy rn and i just want to Talk and ive been thinking abt this for like the last few days so#its really not That Big a deal but it is to me even if its silly
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May i request an edgeworth please? :D or maybe some vk siblings? (i love them in case you couldn't tell)
they're arguing about what snack to split before court
#ace attorney#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma#indys art#YEAH SAME ive been thinking abt them during aai1 all day HGJKHLJ
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lonely sad and so so poorly so think I'm gonna work on requests until I get sleepy :)
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#ive had such a sore tummy all day :(((#and im a lil down bc i saw something i wish i hadn't but#im trying not to let it get to me too much#i don't rly have anyone to talk to though so that's a lil upsetting!#contacting a mental health service tho bc i don't want to spiral abt it#ive had a lil cry!! i managed to hold it together for a while but i started thinking too hard and had a lil weep#but im not crying rn and i just wanna be proactive abt it so i dont end up feeling worse#but yeah since i got no one to talk to rn i have some time to write so i thought i'd try and get through some requests!!#sorry ive been so sucky with them#i love u all very much and sorry im not as active these days#thank u all who still support me and reach out tho ily all a whooooooooole lot :3#i hope ur all having lovely days and nights mwah mwah
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i dont know how it took me this long to fully come to terms with it but. im literally just aro. or something to that effect.
#incoherent turtle noises#‘often when i play a game w/ romance options i accidentally play the most aroace protag ever’ <- does he know?#‘these are my fav characters i love them. btw theyre easily interpreted as aro.’ <- Does He Know?#and most egregiously of them all:#‘yeah let’s get friendmarried im never gonna wanna be in a romantic relationship anyway.’ <- DOES HE KNOW?#like. i can indulge in romance and sexuality in the hypothetical. for any gender. so im bi.#but truly im too disinterested to engage w/ it in reality. ive accepted the asexuality but aromanticism felt untrue bcos ive had crushes#but. rewind the tape. ive never wanted to kiss anyone. or do couple stuff. i just wanted someone to think im special & pay attention to me.#surprise that doesnt have to be romantic! and im fully satisfied being in a qpr. god the fact that my partner was just like. like.#’yknow ive been thinkin abt it i think i might just be aro’ ‘Yeah. I Know.’ and i didnt??? <- He Did Not Know.#the fact that this all finally processed in the brain yesterday. on valentine’s day. love loses!! lets gooo!!!!
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Films good movies good banshees of inisherin was good
#mfw a movie has irish slang in it and i am familiar with it instead of usamerican stuff#i have Some Thoughts on the setting of inisherin + the time period given the givens abt the aran islands#but nothing concrete. might meditate on it#like ok im no scholar on the aran islands ive been there a couple times ive read a couple articles thats it#but like. the tourism leaning into their image of Old Irish Villagín With Sheeps And Stone Walls basically overruns its reputation#and the islands have leaned hard into the tourism and portraying themselves as True Irish Old Villages or whatever#and thus settles the situation where like. everything about the islands pander to the tourists#the islands themselves are not doing well as places to live iirc#aging population people moving away lack of amenities and funding and resources that arent Tourism#its a gaeltacht but the tourism business mandates knowing english etc etc etc lotsa shit#like i had a school friend from an island and she was always unreachable on breaks bcos the island didnt have wifi#SO! the islands around ireland suffer from lack of facilities while bending to tourism bcos they gotta#BACK 2 BANSHEES to be clear inisherin isnt an actual island but it was filmed on inish mór and very clearly based on the arans#i like the island setting bcos of the sense of isolation it gives i think it was a good choice for the movie#HOWEVER its like. you know the thing where all irish media needs to be set in the old times#when we were all wearing aran wool jumpers and playing our little instruments and being cute historical dotes#yeah. that. compounded with the aran islands wicked having to play into that in the present day#like banshees itself isnt that bad an offender. the island setting just makes it more obvious and you could tick lines off on a bingo sheet#(shoutout to the obligatory civil war reference)#where was i going with this. im tired of weird 'back when ireland was ireland' shit being Thee thing to make art abt#this is why young offenders is the best piece of irish cinema this decade. i need to rewatch the young offenders
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Photon Maiden's selection album, 4 Un Voyage, finally released!! Let's go!!!
Here are the songs in order:
FriendShip
4 Challenges (ver. 2023)
We Never Stop (ver. 2023)
Hikari (ver. 2024)
Akatsuki (fruits mix ver. 2024)
OVERCOME (ver. 2023)
Linked Ring (ver. 2023)
Collector
24 (ver. 2024)
Into the storm (ver. 2024)
Be with the world (ver. 2023)
Photon Melodies (ver. 2023)
Begin Again
Platinum (Saki Solo cover)
Dear My Friend (Ibuki Solo cover)
Fansa (Towa Solo Cover)
Let The Show Begin (Noa Solo cover)
Your Love ♡
Happy Happy Friend (Cutopia cover)
Kawaikute Gomen (Cutopia cover)
Photon Melodies (TAKU INOUE Remix ver. 2025)
#crow talks#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#photon maiden#AHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG!!!! <333#the reason why i found out this album was released was bc i saw sato hina make a story abt it on her ig lol-- (ty sato hinaaaaa)#now i can hear the full version of all of their solos let's gooo!!!#also cutopia's stuff!!! THEY ALL HAVE FULL VERSIONS!!! YESSSSSS#also crazy to me they remixed the taku inoue remix for photon melodies this year..... just for this album.... damn#as im writing this im still in the first few songs so i wont be able to say my thoughts on all of the covers#you might see me post abt them later tho.... especially let the show begin and dear my friend#ahhhhhhhh i forgot how much i love photon maiden's sound <3 SATO HINA U ARE AMAZING!!! her harmonies and... idk how to explain but--#her voice during instrumentals where she just belts notes and just!!! IS AWESOME?! yeah i love it so much!! i never get tired of her singin#haru-chan is also so good!! ive been listening to more harmoe so ive been getting more and more used to her voice and seeing how cute it is#OH AND haru-chan's voice for the more “serious” photon songs scratch my brain a lot..... ahhhh i should go listen to harmoe after this#tsumugi risa is awesome too.!! i still think it's crazy she can have that voice for saki then switch to chu2 and akikaze rui lol#tsumugi risa's voice in collector makes me rlly giddy lol (makes sense since the song already does that w the synths and stuff)#AND!!! dont get me started on nanaki kanon...... i love the tone she gives to ibuki's voice... it makes her parts more richer and nice to--#listen to! it's really apparent in akatsuki (fruits mix and og) and linked ring! i already love both songs a lot so her voice just boots it#her voice kinda sends an arrow through my heart and such ahhhh i actually love her voice so much SHES AMAZING!!!#*meteor isnt here but i LOVE how she sings 'is the tempo slow? i dont care at all' SO MUCH IYAAAAAA!!!!!#i think nanaki kanon's voice just adds a whole new flavor to photon that i never knew i needed..... she's so amazing guys pleaseeee--#i should check out the stageplays and see how she does w koharu in revstar...... ive seen the first stageplay so i just need to watch more#ALSO IM ON INTO THE STORM AS I TYPE-- THE 2ND RAPPING PART WAS IBUKI!?!!?!? OK DAMN..... i love the power she puts into her voice AHHHHHHH#okay enough fanboying over photon maiden.... it's making me look like theyre my faves..... i wanna see all the units live one day istg--#LISTEN TO THE ALBUM!! stop reading me fanboy over it and LISTEN!!!!#edit: * i put the wrong song lol ALSO BEGIN AGAIN IS JUST SATO HINA PROPAGANDAA AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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the fact i can stay up for over 24 hrs while already running on less than 10 hrs of sleep before that and still have yet to be a normal about of tired is both surprising and FUCKING ANNOYING
#god someone sedate me#like i dont wanna go to sleep bc i dont feel tired and i cant begin to go to sleep unless i feel tired otherwise i wont sleep as fast#my eyes feel heavy but not in a sleepy way idk. i can feel my brain detereorating as we speak BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO FUCKING SLEEP#if i get temporary insomnia because of fKN JAYVIK??? idk what i'll do but i will be shocked either way#which yes thats part of the reason ive been staying up all week its to browse the jayvik tag n lose track of time#but also i tried to go to sleep yesterday bc i was tired and i woke up like 4 hours later and couldnt sleep again so thats annoying#even when i try i cant do it HAHA but yeah i think ive been awake for over 24hrs which makes abt <10hrs combined for like 3 days#also ive saw some shadows move so thats how that is going rn HAHA#so im doing great and my mental health is at an all time high🫠👍🏻#i'll take a melatonin gummy and see how that works out i guess. at least i dont work tomorrow lmao (or i guess today now technically)
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also. think im gonna take a page out of iii's book & let myself get hit in the face with unfamiliar music live
#ive had this.. unfulfilled craving lately..#to go to more concerts.........#i dont get to do that often & honestly in the past i was fine with that#but lately its been nagging at me.....#since the festival back in august especially#like.. its turned into a NEED almost..#and listening to him talk abt that topic the other day.....#i think that was just the push i needed to actually. DO something about it#and i just happened across a very viable opportunity#which. the TIMING of it all? fucking impeccable#everything happens for a reason nothing is a coincidence#so. yeah.#it's time to start getting more out of life!
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠
#i actually despise abu dhabi being the seaosn closer ngl#basically since Japan the race time has suited my timezone pretty well#1 am. 1 pm. 3 pm. 4 pm. 12 pm. 1 am.#<- like look at that. look at they absolutely delicious schedule#every race for the past 2 months has been at an ideal time and ive really settled into it#wow you mean i can sleep in on weekends and actually wnjoy the schedule!? oh boy!#and then they put fucking ad at the end which is at 8 am. who wants to wake up that early on a sunday#it would be fine if it was earlier in the season bcs during the middle i got pretty used to waking up before 9 bcs all the European races#but to have this one at thw end is literally horrible#its really down to timezones but fuck it really does bother me#bcs wow youve made me have zero desire to watch the season closer! thanks!!#id sooooo much rather brazil be the season closer still#like whh do you have to completely switch timezones right at the very end. its terrible#i think ill do waht i did last season and take a bit of a nap beforehand#it makes it much worse that this on a holiday wknd too. yeah bcs i rly wanna spend the last two days of my break waking up in the morning#sry im being ultra salty rn but i really dont wanna wake up for it but i hate missing race events UGHHHHHH#last yr i literally fell asleep during the first lap of AD 😭#yeah im concerned abt if nando will retain p4 or not but...waking up before 8 am...??#yeah idk i just rly dislike this scheduling#i actually kinda like AD as a track but its position in the season makes me resent it#catie.rambling.txt
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