#but yea i cant believe my problem with not getting these endings was i was doing too much

[killjoy-prince]

AND NOW HIS SECOND BAD RELATIONSHIP END IS MINE AS WELL!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[kissohee]

bestfriend!perv!anton x fem!reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 700 ☆ short one-shot mdni!

Anton knows he's wrong, it may not seem like it but he does. He also knows he cant help the way he thinks of you. You're his bestfriend, so obviously it's occurred to him that thinking about you in the way that he does, is very clearly wrong. But to him that's also part of the fun. And you don't know, which just turns him on even more. You would never guess that shy & sweet Anton Lee, fantasizes about fucking you at the dead of night. You would never guess he thinks about you in the shower, or when he's watching porn, or every time he closes his eyes. and thats exciting to him. But he's also not much of a risk taker, unless he's extremely desperate.

Anton tosses and turns in his bed, struggling to fall asleep. You wore a skirt today and of course he struggled to keep his dick down every time he looked at you. And oh did he look a lot. He noticed the way your skirt wasn't long enough to cover your thighs, and how badly he wanted to bend you over the first surface he could find. The thought of you was keeping him up, quite literally. He was supposed to be sleeping, but between his thoughts and his boner, he was having too much trouble doing so. So he lowered his pants, freed his cock from his boxers and tried fixing his problem. His hand started pumping his cock, but he knew this wasn't gonna be enough. So he imagined that instead of his hand wrapped around his cock, it was your cunt, and you had that same exact skirt on. But for some reason, unlike most days, it wasn't getting him anywhere. He would normally just drop it and go to sleep if it wasn't working out, but his hard on was becoming too painful to just drop. He reached that level of desperation where he was willing to take a risk. Would it really be so bad of him to call you like this? Just so he could hear your voice? He concluded that as long as you didn't find out, it wouldn't. So using his other hand, he grabbed his phone and went to your contact before calling you. To his surprise, you actually answered. "Anton?" You called out to him sleepily, "It's 3 in the morning, is everything alright?" "Y-yea," he held down a groan, "Yea sorry, couldn't sleep. Thought maybe you were up." He tightens the grip on his cock, he already felt so much closer to release upon hearing you. "Oh," You paused, "Do you want me to talk to you or someth-" "Yes, p-please," He interrupted you with a whine. "Alright." He heard you shuffle in your bed, assuming you were getting into a comfier position before you started talking about something he wasn't fully listening to. He just needed to hear your voice without actually paying attention to the contents of the conversation. The longer you talked, the faster his hand sped up. Knowing there was a possibility you could hear every little thing he was doing on the other line, only made him want to cum more. He choked down his moans as he got closer to his release, the sound of your voice filling his head. "Shi-shit." He softly moaned as cum shot out of his cock and onto his stomach. His head ringing as he slowly came back to the reality that he was still on a call with you. The call was still going, but it was only silence from your end. Did he not realize you stopped talking? "Anton?" You say his name softly and he curses under his breath, thinking he was caught. "Are you okay?" "Oh yeah sorry, just saw the time. It's super late, I think I should go to bed now." He quietly lied, hoping you'd believe it. "Okay," You agreed before speaking again, "Call me if you ever need help with that again." You joked before hanging up, leaving Anton in the silence of his room. He looked at the cum on his hand and stomach, he might be just a little fucked up.

im a lover of perv!anton and needed to write about him immedeatly. this is my second writing woohoo! - 🐠

[piwstri4]

gossip | op81

pairing: bf!oscar piastri x college student!gf!reader

summary: oscar's fangirls love to hate, oscar just loves.

ynacc

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and others

ynacc you think your life is hard? i've had to watch my bf's last 12 races on tv bc i had exams and expos

view all comments

user1 can u imagine being yn and complain abt your boyfriend doing his work?

user2 when tf did she complain abt oscar doing his job??

user3 atp yall just love to hate her fr

user4 poor girl has to go to college cuz she doesn't know when will her bf leave her

user5 bestie maybe focus on your own life?

user6 shouldn't she be studying or something?

user7 girl I WISH i had her problems

user8 i love that she follows his races even when she's busy<3

user9 fr i love her sm

user10 can u imagine having yn as ur gf? oscar living the dream fr

oscarpiastri miss u :((

ynacc miss u too:((

landonorris you two are disgusting

user11 lol lando saying what we all wanted to say

francisca.cgomes hits close to home

ynacc can we start like a wags support group?

carmenmmundt i agree

ynacc

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe and others

ynacc i 💥 miss 💥 you 💥 every 💥 day 💥 (last fucking race!!!)

view all comments

landonorris "thank you lando for sending me pics of my bf every hour so i stop complaining abt him not replying to my texts"

ynacc yea ty ig

landonorris not giving u a single pic anymore

oscarpiastri i miss you every second

ynacc no i miss u more

maxfewtrell thank god it's the last fucking race

ynacc lando's taking the first plane to you dont worry he told me

maxfewtrell i just want u to stop whining in the gc

user1 so lando and max actually confirmed she's fucking annoying 🧍🏽‍♀️

user2 cant believe oscar still wants her around

user3 im so sure her bf's w her out of pity

user4 yn's personal account or an oscar piastri fan account we'll never know

user5 i love how in love she is 😭😭

user6 since when does she socialize w max tho?

user7 childhood friends with lando, friends with max by default

user8 they cant get rid of her now

user9 shouldnt you be like...... doing college stuff......

user10 not even her friends stand her lmao

oscarpiastri

liked by ynacc, logansargeant and others

oscarpiastri end of season. (i love you)

view all comments

landonorris where tf are the tulips i paid them myself??????

oscarpiastri shut up

ynacc omg first time u paid for something!!

user1 oscar's being held at gunpoint

user2 girl the grip wont make him stay lol

user3 they're lovely together!! 💕

ynacc love u more<3

oscarpiastri lies

user4 ofc u do cant you see his face lmao

logansargeant you both look fire!

oscarpiastri 🔥

user5 yn so annoying she forced him to go on a date as soon as oscar left the car

user6 where the fuck does all the hate come from??

user7 girl wtf yall dont know shit abt their relationship

user8 im so sorry for yn imagine having to deal with all the fangirls bitching her out

user9 they went hiking together 😭😭😭

user10 literal goals

New notification from Instagram

Check out these new stories!

ynacc

liked by oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell and others

ynacc they hate us cause they ain't us

the original poster limits who can comment

oscarpiastri they hate you cause i love you

maxfewtrell not as romantic as u think it is!!!

ynacc they can keep on hating as long as u keep loving me

maxfewtrell thanks max for the picture

ynacc thnx max 4 the pic, would've loved it if u let us eat alone!!

landonorris now that's what i call being ungrateful

landonorris nice tulips and nice dinner (dont appreciate having to see my teammate every time im over)

ynacc then dont come over when im on dates w my bf 😜😜

oscarpiastri

liked by ynacc, landonorris and others

oscarpiastri Sip the gossip, drink till you choke.

view all comments

ynacc by maneskin babe!!!!

oscarpiastri you know i love you right?

ynacc of course sweetie ily2

user1 oscar shutting up yn haters we love to see it!!

landonorris you two are fucking cut for each other

oscarpiastri ty i know

landonorris because neither of you give photo credits you muppet

user2 man said keep talking we dont give a shit<3

user3 his fans are literally his paycheck he should watch his mouth

user4 you talk as if he wasn't a whole ass f1 driver, oscar's merch are just a side hustle

user5 this man has a job driving an expensive and elite car, his fans dont pay shit compared to his sponsors/team

user6 cant believe he's risking his career for a slag

landonorris lol get a fucking life kid

user7 lando saying what we all wanted to say

maxfewtrell about time mate, 📸 by lando

oscarpiastri yeah yeah whine about it

landonorris fucking finally thank you

ynacc now kiss!!

user8 why does she look so......

user9 ugly?

user10 ordinary?

ynacc

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell and others

ynacc Thank you so much to my best buddies and my love! Even if the three of you showed up on joggers and hoodies, i love you to the moon and back<3 (max and oscar helped w the project too)

the original poster limits who can comment

oscarpiastri you told me no suit and tie 😡😡

ynacc bc it wasn't a wedding (would've appreciated a nice shirt tho)

oscarpiastri noted 👍🏼

landonorris dont call oscar your buddy :((

ynacc didn't i tell you? you're the buddy now :((

oscarpiastri im her love, buddy 😘

maxfewtrell i thought i was your love?

ynacc u're someone else's love watch your mouth mr fewtrell

lilymhe Congrats! Your pres looked amazing🤩

ynacc Aww thanks sweetie ily<3

lilymhe <3

oscarpiastri

liked by ynacc, yukitsunoda0511 and others

oscarpiastri forever in love with you, my little artist.

view all comments

ynacc i cant find the words to tell you how much i love loving you

oscarpiastri ❤️

ynacc ❤️

user1 i'm 100% sure oscar likes to watch ppl fight for their lives on the comments

user2 no bc yn limits her comments section and oscar just drops shit like this and forces us to swallow their love

user3 im sure he let's people comment to block their haters

user4 no bc im sure that's the reason they get less hate now (on oscar's acc)

user5 no bc lando has three cups on his last post, they were helping yn with this 😭😭

user6 max too, yn said it in her post 😭

user7 Verstappen????

user6 fewtrell lmao

landonorris aww you bought the bouquet yourself this time!

ynacc piss off<3

landonorris ily2

zhouguanyu24 🔥

user8 he's so fucking supportive wtf

user9 love to see less hate comments after his last post

user10 someone said he keeps the comments open to block ppl lol i love his pettiness

oscarpiastri

liked by ynacc, zhouguanyu24 and others

oscarpiastri my girlfriend shines, after all this time.

view all comments

user1 remember ladies if wanted to he would

ynacc i only asked for you to love me back

oscarpiastri i only asked for you to love me

user2 i love a hate-free comment section<3

user3 dad loves mom!!

caiocollet sir mister is ✨in love✨

user4 she's gorgeous how tf were there ppl hating on her???

user5 idk if i wanna be yn or oscar

user6 he. gets. her. flowers. all. the. fucking. time

ynacc yes he does 🥰🥰

ynacc alternatively: three times oscar gave me flowers out of nowhere

user7 yn is so fucking lucky

user8 oscar is so fucking lucky

user9 they are both fucking lucky

user10 real question can they fight?

user11 pr knocking on his door fr

ynacc

liked by oscarpiastri, francisca.cgomes and others

ynacc kiss me hard before you go because missing you is never easy. (📸 by max and lando)

view all comments

oscarpiastri a kiss for every flower seems fair

ynacc i'll start giving you flowers because we're gonna be short on kisses.

oscarpiastri i can give you flowers all my life if they make you happy

landonorris all it took for you to learn how to give credits was for me to go back to monaco

ynacc how did u know i did it cuz i miss u?

landonorris please tell me i dont have to kiss you

ynacc thank god i actually like u being away

user1 people actually hated on THIS RELATIONSHIP???

user2 fr they look so cute

user3 oscar fangirls are fucking weird

maxfewtrell omg first time u give credits!! kids grow up so fast

ynacc i'll untag you.

maxfewtrell you wouldn't

user4 her fighting w lando and max 😭😭😭😭

user5 she's everything and he's just

lilymhe can your boyfriend fight?

ynacc can yours?

user6 they've been dating for a bit more than a year and oscar has given her flowers AT LEAST 7 times.

user7 he's raising the bar for us

user8 just so yall learn to not settle for less

user9 am i allowed to say that i love them?

user10 god im grateful for the ynoscar blocklist

[wildwren]

i am also a michaela stirling truther— the more i think about it, the more i want it. i’ll definitely be a little disappointed if the rumors turn out to be false. don’t get me wrong, masali baduza is stunning and as a bisexual i already feel like a winner either way… but my god, she and Francesca would make such a gorgeous couple 😭

and i know people keep saying that gender bending Michael would erase important plot points but honestly i can think of several ways off the top of my head that they could maintain the integrity of the story even with Michaela as the lead instead of Michael.

and honestly, not that i have any reason to believe they’re actually going to genderbend Sophie, but they could easily rework Benedict’s story in a similar way— it irritates me that people are insisting there is no way they could make it work.

the book purists insisting xyz could not possibly happen because “that’s not how the story goes!” are making little sense to me. the show has already made many changes to the stories, large and small, and i don’t think “but the book story won’t work that way!” is a valid argument at this point. the writers have shown themselves very willing and even eager to uproot expectations and tell the story in a new way.

TOTALLY. i was previously on the "we should not expect queer rep from bridgerton they are clearly not very invested in it" train until jess brownell explicitly confirmed that a queer romance is coming and now im being a full ass clown about it. yea....when i think about masali baduza as michaela i actually need to lie down, it would end me. but also send an angel to protect her if that's actually true because some of the fandom....uh.....absolutely cannot handle that even remotely, and they WILL make it her problem.

but yes, i agree, there are many ways in which michael feels like a prime option for gender-bending. obviously when he was wicked has fans, but i think in general they're a little less rabid than some of the kanthony, polin, benophie, and philoise fans who would be specifically up in arms about major character changes to "their" ship. when he was wicked is later in the series, more disconnected, francesca's less present in the general narrative, etc.

also, because francesca has a widowhood storyline, it feels....how do i say this....deeply boring for bridgerton the show to introduce a man like john stirling, only to kill him off to make room for another random man. it would be exceedingly more interesting to have a queer element to the story, not least of all because it would add more tension to the "we cant be together because you're my dead husband's cousin" vibes.

also, women in the 19th century could inherit property. sometimes the property itself was not entailed and therefore not necessarily inherited by the male title holder. if francesca is living in the house....and michaela inherits the house....well, that's a pretty great set-up for a queer happy ending, which is, according to julia quinn, apparently impossible in a world where gay marriage isn't legal.

also, ALSOOOOO....a lesbian rake. i rest my case.

either way, im interested to see how they interpret when he was wicked's relationship to colonialism (if they do so), given that the show has now shown the Stirlings, or at least john stirling, to be Black. Kate's home and backstory in India has had some relevance to her characterization, and I'm curious to see if they take a similar tack with the stirlings (and how well they manage to execute it).

okay i think those are all of my michaela thoughts thank you so much for giving me an excuse to rant about them. truthers gotta stick together (until our hearts are inevitably dashed by cold hard reality)

[istherewifiinhell]

i kept fucking up so i watched these on 2 diff mornings and couldnt even schedule post them. UM OKAY more eps joelle told me to watch i already forgot what number they are

roasted this sad boy so hard now i will learn why he is so so sad

kouka… kagura family member?

INTRO. FREEZE FRAME. is that sugis guysssssssss is that sugi in a comaaa is that fucking banzai

oboro. THAT MAN. shouyouuuuuu

hair? man??? ALIENS.

THAT MAN

being a pirate is MORE important that ur family. got it boss

damn u shit head did u abandon ur sister in the rain the same way ur father ababanoned you. BREAK NO CYCLES!

karuga girl i think your family sucks maybe???

GIN KINDNESS. FUCKING. uhhh infailable asshole kindness social graces of this place is a shithole but so are we all.

SHINPACHI! ur in this show! and you can speak. thats crazy.

YES GIRL GET UR PTO

GUN ARMS????

SAKAMOOOOOOOTTTTOOOOOO :3

where IS SUGI. IM ALWAYS ASKING THIS.

GUN. most girl design ever to girl but GUN.

banzaiiii no u good bbg?

FUCK OFF OBORO

space ships……..

what happens to That Man some insects will never stop flapping their wings UNTIL THEY REACH HEAVEN (archieval footage: him getting his Ass Beat) i got my wing from THE SAME MAN (that man…), so i know.

yes girl yes time to be soooo normal right

u cant tell sugi shouyou isnt dead. thats. thats his whole idenity there. u know

oboro in this outfit/shot framing… why he kinda….

HEY LITTLE FAIL SON. HEY LITTLE SHITTO.

GJHFGJHG GIVING THIS LITTLE CHILD UR. IMMORTAL BLOOD. I HOPE U LIVE AND HATE ME FOREVER. well. thats gintama isnt it. BUT OKAY. hmmmm. take responisiblity for ur actions

hesssss sooooo little……

IM NO TEACHER… well. uh huh. sure ur not sensei.

nooooooooo nooo u did NOT adopt the dog u hit with ur car who then TURNED U INTO THE FUCKING. GUY. THE THE. GIN.TAMA TRAUMA LINCHPIN GUY. nooooooooo

^_^ mode ACTIVATED.

ROBOT ARM. HOT HOT HOT. OBORO U BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME

i cant believe im tryna watch these flash backs during a sugi fight. GIRL.

EYE TRAUMA 4 EYE TRAUMA. GIRLS I LOVE U SO MUCH. NEVER BREAK THE CYCLEEEEEEEEEE

a school born under a pine tree, its just you and me. hmm mmh im sure no other white haired child will ever echo words like this back at you. surely not.

LOOK OBORO YOULL HAVE SOOOO MANY LITTLE SIBLINGS. IT WILL BE GREAT. YOULL LOVE IT

are u becoming a devious little killer to save his live. even tho he didnt ask…..

STABBED YOURSELF. TINY CHILD. ohhhh

appearently I HE THOUGHT I WAS DEAD. YEAH. YEAH OBORO. ANY THOUGHT WHY THAT MIGHT BE. MAYBE THE. YOU KILLED YOURSELF AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PPL IN FRONT OF HIM.

i cannot believe. i get how. in concept. okay child raised in. killing world. solves his problems with killing. BUT ITS SO FUNNY GIRL NO ONE ASKED U DO TO THAT. i love you. WHY DID U DO THAT.

okay. okay. okay okay. YOU. YOU DID ALL THAT. so he and his school and ur junior students. GET TO LIVE. "and even tho im not at his side im satisfied" or whatever you said. (sees him and and your junior students. living) NOW HOLD ON. I NEED TO RUIN THEIR LIVES. girl….

okay hang on. "one swore to never betray him again" shot of oboro. "the other swore to bring him back, even if it meant having to kill him again" shot sugi. OKAY BUT. REMIND MEEEEEE. who. WHOOOO killed him. and knew he was gonna come back. cause… I FEEL LIKE IT WASNT SUGI.

ahhhh there was intercuts there but the flashing was too much i guess will never know.

CAN U PASS ON MY LAST WORDS TO MY STUDENTS. WITHOUT YOU I NEVER WOULDVE GOTTEN TO MEET THEM. WITHOUT YOU I NEVER WOULDVE BECOME (SHOUYOU). THANK YOU. sensei has one move and its thanking his beloved eldest daughters for killing him.

ive seen with my own eyes. my junior student im so proud of. actually i cant even clown on you for this trying to kill your fellow students cause you love them so much its textbook in this family. okay. continue.

OH YEA IS SOMEONE GONNA SAY. what utsuro (that man) is

oh hey the theme that has the. one cb bepop reference. ive seen that frame. <- this ended one ep and began the next.

NEXT EP

recap. i heard this. thats how. THAT MAN. became. blah blah.

oh he was not always immortal? or no one knew

DEVIL. GINTOKI. yeah okay. COOL yeah yeah.

his fucking uhhhhhhh anthy swag.

THAT WHY HE GAVE BIRTH? if u say so.

why didnt he just leave the prison. is he stupid. etcetc

okay go on killing spree. sure. thats fair. who hasnt

the one that hated humans. feared humans. longed to be human.they were all me. we love a thesis statement thank you.

WOAH shouyou protagonist eyes moment.

COOOOOOOOL SHOT. UTSURO GIN OVERLAP. ahah. fun tool to help us later.

hey is this the same green guy or a different green guy. cool voice.

everyone wants to use the unkilliable killing machine to their ends. BUDDY they wont even let. (joke pending) buddy he wont even let... himself. use him. to his ends. hmm.

Knows how to make others immortal. SAD OBORO FACE.

(atlana lore) DAMN THATS CRAZY.

WHAT IN THE KINGDOM HEARTS Organization 13 is this room.

anyway utsuro lol. um. damn are u a well looked after and revered gun but not the one who pulls the trigger. sucks bro.

(bunch of shots of cool alien dudes)WOW THATS CRAZY

put him in the saw trap blood extrator. sexual stylez.

lmao he uh. took the hands from ALL OF THEM. and NO ONE NOTICED.

MORE COOLL ALIENS. qwantz comic. i get it now.

shoyou gives BIRTH i get it

i could fight for sensis. That man. or myself

IF U COULD HAVE DONE IT AGAIN. you would just say. HI DAD. IM ALIVE. can i COME HOME NOW. PLEASE???? yeah. you should have. [being a cunt but very moved by the editing of his speech to the. intercuts of the junior students yeah yeah. okay YEAH]

fucking. OF COURSE sugi is there to be like. wow u waisted ur life and died so beautifully im gonna cradle his body so elegantly etcetc.

oh u guys also gave birth. (to utsuro) congrats

zuraaaa just. taking in the extra. big trauma moments info gin is given like a champ. dude. WHAT IS UR persepctive on all this. man.

↳ BUD ARE U GETTING POSSESSED BY SHOUYOU TO SAY ALL THIS. well that would track. WHAT THE HELL. yeah. the becon of hope kill his teacher to say the students the ideals. win the trolley problem. GIN STOP SMILLING AT PPL WHEN THEY DIE (he cant its what he was put on this earth to do)

sakamoto: everyone gave birth to everyone. thank u m.preg expert

kaguraaaaa dad. what. DO U HAVE THE LORE DROP? are u the eight dragons penis fight guy.

ROBOT ARMS

hey sad little gay boy gura brother.

SPACEEEEE SHOT HI HI HI SO BEAUITUFL BEAUTIFUL SHIPS

[bleue-flora]

https://www.tumblr.com/bleue-flora/750480278369222656/hate-to-intervene-on-the-discussion-about-the?source=share

sorry late replyy ahh ok I cant believe i just forgot about that part. I litterally wrote out the whole transcript after watching it in my docs and somehow forgot that Tommy wasn't being genuine there. My bad. You're right. Also, with Punz getting closure you've swayed me, I didn't interpret it like that before genuinely.

About the nuke not going off and the no reset, I think the bit at the end showed that both dream and tommy were going to work together, not exactly become friends. I think regardless of their anger with each other, lack of genuine apology, and different methods. They would've of found a way to compromise on how to 'fix the server' I've seen some people theorise that Dream would have gotten rid of the revival book and given up asap. And then Punz would want to stick to the plan and ditch Dream. I mean I don't know entirely about that. It makes it sound like Punz only cared about the book when on so many occasions he has defended Dream. No idea what will happen with the book. Dream didn't believe it was too late anymore, and was relatively open to change, But he is going to take a while to come into terms with what happened, like you said it would take time. maybe the compromise is using the book sparingly but i guess that ruins the point

tommy and tubbo are morally against the revival book and would never agree to go by those methods and majority of the server probably agrees with them except foolish, potentially sapnap since he had the death book, and quackity who wanted the revive book but he'd never work with dream and theres others that I'm forgetting. tommy going back to causing problems?, I agree with however I could see him being more perceptive of the people around him, and avoiding dream now that he realizes dreams human, maybe Im gullible but i interpreted his actions in the final stream as feeling empathetic even though not apologising properly except for the nuke. Theres also the consequences that tubbo would face for setting off a nuke to begin with, that and the fight with dream xd but ig since theres no reset then dream xd got defeated? idk also what happens to lazar and vikk r they just left dead lol. its like 5am for me

Yooo please share the transcript, I love to study them for writing dialogue.

Yea I mean I do think they would try and compromise and work together in some capacity, but I guess what I was saying was I struggle to see Tommy’s behavior change. Maybe I’m wrong, but the fact that their was not genuine admission of guilt or remorse makes me think that Tommy wouldn’t stop being a menace and hurting Dream if the nuke hadn’t happened and Dream wouldn’t stop trying to stop Tommy with whatever means necessary. Maybe I’m wrong though. I don’t know honestly, there’s a lot of variables at play with two very broken, impulsive and emotional characters. So I’m not sure what would have happened if the nuke hadn’t happened (with Tubbo or XD or whatever as well… that shall remain up to people’s aus and fanfiction). But I don’t think things would change between them as fast as we think. If they ever did apologize to each other, it would take time and healing for that to happen. And like they wouldn’t just magically start getting along. In other words, whatever happened next would be complicated and messy, and probably not work out anyways because some of the other characters aren’t about to just let Dream back into the fold.

Having said that, from my understanding it wouldn’t be that Punz or Dream would give up the revive book (it’s not like they can get rid of it since it’s knowledge lol XD), more so just not go through with their plan to kill everyone or whatever. And I certainly don’t think Punz only cared about the book or would continue with the plan without Dream. They were friends before, Punz isn’t just Dream’s friend for payment or immortality and the revive book. 

But anyways… clingy duo are kinda funny in their anti-revive book stance because they really weren’t at first and honestly as Dream actually highlights in the finale [clip] if Tommy had killed himself, would he have been fine with being in limbo - and Tommy does not answer. I I think they were more against the idea of immortality, but missing the point that people on the server seem to be dying well before getting to more natural causes of death like old age - so basically Death is all good and well if it's not premature (and preferably someone else). Like, literally when he does die a few minutes later, he begs Dream and Punz to bring him back. So, while clingy duo talk all high and mighty about the revive book being bad, when push comes to shove, they don’t want to end up in limbo (despite being more than willing to send Dream there). And do the other server members not agree with the revive book? Like I’m not sure that’s true, I don’t particularly remember people talking about how people should stay dead. In fact, people seem to have forgotten about the book so much so that Sapnap is caught off guard by the book when he and Dream talk after the prison break. (where he then immediately wants to get his hands on it…). So I'm not so sure the majority of the server are really against it... 'But that's just a theory. A dream smp theory! Thank for reading.' ;D

[niredsw]

so uhhh im bored af and i feel like i should make people know about this not that i think anyone cares about my life but here ya go rin lore everyone!

TW: mention of abuse, rape, and a lot of religious trauma

i apologize for the spelling mistakes from the start, i wont care about them rn

so yeah, lets start with my parents

mom: she grew up in a toxic abusive religious household where my grandpa was rarely home, she was the middle child of 4 siblings (the smallest ones are twins) and was literally the 'only good child of the pack'. my big aunt cant even take care of herself and she has 2 chlidren, she recently divorced her husband and is on the way of becoming an alcoholic. my uncle was praised by my grandma his entire life because he is 'the only son' and is nothing but a spoiled brat whos children are also problematic af. my little aunt is the only one i love and she has a daughter (deniz, my fav cousin) and an adopted daughter from her husbands ex-marriage, shes sweet and i dont believe how she survived in that family.

grandma, shes the worst. one day mom and her sibling were all in my big aunts house and i was sitting with them, they talked about how grandma beat them up daily because of the smallest things, the clothes she hang up to dry didnt dry on time? she beat up one of her kids (not my uncle, if i may add) i was terrified when i heard that about her and im not seeing her the same anymore. mom got married at 21 just to escape from that house and she ended up being the only child thats living in the same city as grandma. grandma also manipulated me my whole childhood, telling me i should be a good muslim and get hijabed at 12 when i first got my period, teaching me things most muslim people didnt even know their whole life when i was only 7, telling me men are always right and i should just obey what they say yada yada ya, she still treats me like her personal servant and keeps telling thing like "you look like a whore in that shorts" and shit, idc anymore but growing up with it is not very helpful tbh

so, mom beating me up when shes angry is not because shes abusive, its the only way she learned and shes not strong enough to break the cycle, so dont get angry at her its not her fault

dad: tbh i dont know if dad had gone throught anything like mom but his family is full of relative marriages and his uncle (whos 64) has a child as my age, she went to a mental asylum because of her father and just got out a few days ago, if i may add, his uncles suck but my grandma is the only normal one (and the only, oldest girl) among 5 siblings so i think thats pretty lucky, but growing up in a neighbourhood full of those kind of people definitely affected him and it shows over the years

yea well now its my time i guess

i was a bad child. i did some bad things. i swear i did it all for fun and it meant nothing

OKAY sorry sorry this is not it im not jojo siwa in a disguise (or i am?)

so, i had a pretty good childhood, if you ignore all of these things;

my family went in a hella dept because of my uncle (i told you hes a piece of shit) and we were always very careful with money, my parents tried to make it up to me and my sis with a lot of things but it did affected us

i dont know how we ended up in that debt but we sold our house and coffe shop so we could pay it, i was 8 when it all happened and i dont really remember most of it

my voice thingy and all of those health problems, i lose my hearing from time to time, have a genetical heart disease thingy, yada yada ya i am not gonna list all of them, lets just say after i was 6 i knew everyone in that hospital i was going practically 3 times a week

also i was the top student in primary school, the first one to learn how to read in my class and was practically a gifted child before i burn out but i dont care about that shit anymore im already a pretty big failure

then, we moved to my current city

4th grade was shit, my teacher didnt even care about her students, it was so easy to eb the top of my class but that school was really shitty, a pedophile teacher, who tried to rape and would do if i didnt kick his balls, a psycho kid in my sis's class that was sent to kids jail in 2nd grade, basically, shithole.

then i won a scholarship from my current school and i've been there for 5 years now, gonna start my 2nd year of highschool in a few weeks

i dont talk about middle school because that shit was crazy but also pretty boring at the same time, so yeah i think thats the rin lore? idk? nobody needs to amswer or say anything i just wanted to share it here so i dont have to explain it every time something bad happens to me

[carebeartherese]

Semi-live blogging the finale of Loki:

-HERE WE GO

-hoping for Lokius this ep

-Im terrified and also have a whole monster in my system

-backwards intro????

-I BELIEVE IN YOU LOKI

-ok how we fix

-Aw mobius checking on him

-oh and he spaghettied again

-you got this Loki

-mobius is so confused

-also love the upbeat music

-confusing literally anyone

-skin? pt2

-again ig

-this shits not working

-love that mobius and sylvie are worried

-lmfao Loki is so tired of this shit

-mobius is so cute trying to help Loki

-NO NOT CENTURIES LATER

-what the hell is happening

-Loki is actually so funny rn

-wow he’s kinda hot when he’s smart

-NOT THE FINISHING MOBIUS SENTENCE

-NOT THE LAPELS GRAB

-THIS IS A CODE RED GAYS

-they should kiss already fr

-Aw the little arm grab

-OK I BELIEVE

-THIS MAY WORK

-GO GO GO GO GO

-GET IT TIMELY

-PLEASE

-“you’re being so brave.”

-the deadpan

-timely fighting for his life while Loki is so unenthused

-PLEASE LET THIS WORK

-HIT THE DAMN BUTTON

-EHATS HAPPENING

-DID IT WORK?????

-WE DID ITTTTTT

-COME BACK TIMELY

-HE MADE IT

-FUCK YES

-ITS WORKING HOLY SHIT

-THIS FEELS WAY TOO GOOD

-no

-no please

-this was supposed to work

-IT CANT BE OVERLOADING

-WE JUST FIXED KT

-EHAT THE FUCK

-MOTHERFUCKER

-timely no please

-not a scaling problem

-Loki is so tired man

-well it was nice knowing y’all ig

-why the fuck is the world like this

-now there’s no fixing

-wait i don’t wanna be back in the time tower thing

-PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A SYLKI THING

-:0 MAYBE KILL HER???

-NO NO NO FUCK

-srsly how many times must we fight her

-maybe she does have to die if you want to stop everything

-is time frozen???

-ok he who remains is kinda funny

-Loki is literally so tired

-LET THE MAN REST

-reincarnation baby’s

-oh shit Loki can pause now

-damn

-hes kinda fine

-Alr chitchat time

-a failsafe??

-the tva is not easy to rebuild

-what about the people???

-“kiddo”,”champ”

-but why does he always loose

-where do we go from here??

-WHEN do we go from here

-wait break the loom?

-yea your friends would die loki

-tough choices = big chair

-ok let’s go find another way ig

-this sucks

-break loom or kill sylvie???

-wait this sucks actually

-wait mobius???

-Aw the og interrogation

-they should be gay already

-wow mobius is the one loki goes to for advice???

-oh mobius story time

-wait was the hunter mobius??

-dude this is crazy shit

-babygirl that was just a kid

-mobius are you ok

-NO I LOVE HIM

-oh that was ravonna!! who pruned that kid!!!

-mobius has some wise shit to say

-WAIT WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE A GOODBYE

-WAIT MOBIUS COME BACK

-omg he’s flashing back to the times he’s lost his people :(((

-oh wait he paused

-ok it’s either the loom dies or sylvie dies

-I feel like there’s probably a clear option bbg

-DONT KISS PLS

-this should end on friend terms

-you two are so fucking poetic and for what

-no don’t tell him that sylvie

-Loki make the right choice please and just kill her

-ok where are we going back to????

-and why???

-for what

-oh it’s all his people in one place :(

-NO NO LOKI

-mobius got worried

-LOKI STOP

-DUDE NO

-LOKI STOP BEING SO AMBIGUOUS

-both of them are so in love with him

-but which will he choose??

-love island shit

-while Loki fucking dies????

-THE HORNS

-HES BACK BITCH

-IM TERRIFIED

-THE TIMELINES ARE EVERYWHERE

-EHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

-this is spooky y’all

-ewwww bad noise

-what did he just do

-THE BRANCHES ARE DYING?????!

-hes aliving them???

-hes so babygirl

-I need him to make a choice in lovers tho

-LOKI WHERE ARE YOU GOING

-YOURE LEAVING YOUR LOVES BEHIND

-NO NO NO

-WHAT IS HAPPENING RN

-no HES the new time bitch

-Im actually so scared

-no no he can’t stay here at the end!

-NO HE CABT BE ALONE THIS ISNT FAIR TO HIM

-HE CANT HOLD TIME TOGETHER ALONE

-what in the seven fucks is happening

-not after

-this shit is unfair

-POOR MOBIUS

-hes just lost the only friend he ever had

-how do these people live without the one person holding them together

-HE REQUESTED LOKIS FILE

-not to be a bitch but it should’ve been sylvie

-HES LEAVING??

-FOR WHERE

-HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HIS FUCKING BOYFRIEND AGAIN

-ok I love you b-15 but he is heartbroken fr

-THE LACK OF LOKIUS IS HURTFUL TO ME

-wow the war room is pack today

-aww hi OB

-HES MAKING NEW COPIES

-victor grew up a candle maker

-ravonna is at the end of time!!!!!!!!

-hahahahah bitch

-oh she’s boutta get eaten

-MOBIUS PLAYING WIRH HUS KIDS

-HES SO FATHER FIGURE

-aww look at present mobius

-ugh why is sylvie here

-NO SHIT ITS WEIRD LOKI ISNT HERE

-mobius seems more fucked up about this than I thought he’d be

-meanwhile sylvie is fine

-oh Loki check-up????

-hes doing???

-hes alive I guess???

-did he see mobius????????

-I cannot believe that’s the end omfg

-Im kinda upset that I got queerbaited again but like I knew it was gonna happen 🤷‍♀️

[birdegilbinlercesineasigim]

In order not to use Tumblr only friends tag as whatsapp, here are my thoughts;

-Seconds into watching and I see TopMew? I. could.not.care.less

-You are changing for someone else, but not for yourself top? Yeah I dont see why this would be a problem in the future.

-Could Mew be more shrewd that I give him credit for? Perhaps.

I seriously wanna entartain the idea of Boston's heart melting for someone, but I dont think this show is striving towards that, any other show I would be like yea thats exactly what is gonna happen, but I feel like that would be too easy for this show.

How have I not realized before that boston is seriously ripped? Cuntiest of cunts have body definition. Nice.

Nick, my sweet summer child, can you stop being a slut for boston? can you please?

If I was a good guy you wouldnt like me? God damn it, he might be right Nick, for fucks sake!

So someone records you and you are upset, but when you do it, it doesnt count? Stone houses bitch.

We know NickBoston is gonna end in catastrophe, but god damn if they dont have chemistry.

I stole your ex but fuck it lets be friends. Are you for real Top?

Sand, my absolute favourite, my love, you know there are better methods than to smash your phone if you want people to not reach you right? You could just, I dont know, destroy your sim card and get a new one? Just a thought.

Nick what the fuck my dude? Like seriously? You are not a coupplleeeeeeeee!

Sand my love, I have never doubted you, I knew you had a plan about that phone. (I totally doubted and judged you).

sand baby did you delete the audio? Or you sent somewhere and Nick clocked it immeadiately?

Okay Im confusion. What is the reason for Sand to send audio to Mew? What is his gain? He hates Top and wants him to lose his boyfriend? Okay seems legit. But doing so could potentially send Mew to Ray's way? He has feelings for Ray right? So why would he want that? What is he gonna gain from stirring the pot?

Okay is sand manipulating the shit out of ray or is it me because I see everyone as manipulators in this show?

Campaign poster? You make that using paint or some shit? That is terrible :D

Nick for fucks sake just once can you just stand your ground

I dont hate Mew at all. Yeah bitch I truely believe you, you dont hate anyone, you just want to see the world burn. I appreacite that about you. Even though I wanna punch you all the time.

Okay Ray but like Boston did not lie now did he? You hope they would break up eventually :D

can you please get over yourself Mew? Your Hollier than thou attitude is giving me a headache

I cannot watch ray self destruct. Like I can not. This is physically painfull.

So Ray just took a page from Gossip Girls book and decided to air out everyone's business? I'll be damned. I- I cant.

I am literally covering the screen just reading subtitles. Y'all Im not made for this amount of stressssss

Did just Ray say to Sand to basically be his whore? Or was I tripping?

No I was not tripping, he literally called him a whore. Im at a loss for words honestly. I guess Im finally realizing there are no happy endings in this show.

April might be the only sane character in this show.

Nick come onnnn!!!!! Snuggling with Boston? Did you really think he would be okay with that

Ummm what? Wait? Iam confusion. He knows about the audio? The whole fight was a lie? Why would it be a lie? Im sooooo confused.

Trying to gaslight while he is shouting at you Top? Real mature guy you are.

I dont even know what is happening in the next week's episode, what the actual fuck?

I wonder if Mew is gonna self destruct or destroy everyone?

[flwrz4maxx]

vent lmao tw: mention of ending life, emotional abuse(maybe?), ed, mocking religion(maybe?)

im so fucking tired of this shit i js want my life 2 be over i wanna be fucking dead why cant my parents js see that im fucking tired of everything i give the most fucking obvious signs that im literally so fucking close to ending it all instead of fucking yelling at me bc i didnt do the simplest thing that u could have fucking done maybe JUST FUCKING MAYBE get me the treatment that i need?? like u can fucking denial the fact that in mentally ill and going fucking insane all u want but its not gonna fucking vanish like oh yea let me ignore my child who clearly is struggling mentally and physically bc its gonna go away like fucking no dumbass its not js gonna magically go away js bc u dont wanna believe that ur child isnt fucking perfect and then fucking body shame them and call them lazy and make fucking dumb unfunny jokes abt their ed by saying shit like "oh u havent ate anything all day i guess u may be fasting hahahah !" like shut the actually fuck up it isnt fucking funny and im pretty sure (like 90%) thats mocking religion and that isnt very fucking christian of u now is it?? and then u fucking say "when i was ur age i didnt have all these problems" LIKE FUCKING GOOD 4 U WANT A FUCKING MEDAL?? U SAY U FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL BC U WERE "MY AGE ONCE" BUT NO U FUCKING DONT U DONT UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON IN MY FUCKING HEAD U ACTUALLY DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND SHIT

[deltastra]

Woohoo! Gonna give my silly little thoughts on Chapter 117 before the next chapter comes out!

SPOILERS AHEAD

HE WON. HE GOT TO SEE AND TOUCH A PENGUIN. IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM!!!! God I love this innocent goal of his. Forget boobs! Let the man touch a penguin!

Wait what. IT REALLY WAS ETERNITY DEVIL? I’m stupid… so what is Fami’s power?

Either way, she knows how to strike deals with other devils too I guess. This may be a problem!

I hope we get follow up from Yoru about her siblings. She said Fami was lying but I just don’t believe that? That and, do all the sisters really hate each other? I just find that unlikely.

OK IN HER DEFENCE, HUNDREDS OF AQUATIC LIFE ARE PROBABLY DEAD! But seeing Yoru smile over Asa’s mindset is a nice change of pace. They are slowly getting along. Asa and Yoru’s dynamic is one of the most interesting things about part 2 so far. Yoru is more understanding of Asa now but she doesn’t excuse it. It’s a very interesting relationship.

AND DONT GET ME STARTED HOW WHEN EVERYONE WAS SO SHOCKED OVER ASA’S SPEAR SKILLS AND HER SOLO-ING A DEVIL (as Yoru), DENJI WAS TOO DISTRACTED WITH THE PENGUIN

Maybe I’m reaching here, but I see this as a type of play on the troupe where the hero reveals their powers in the open, but their “love interest” was “distracted” and couldn’t see it. If it was a play on that troupe, it was hilarious. Denji not seeing the shitshow that’s happening because he’s too distracted over a penguin is just…him.

Ooo a stare down. Fami might see Yoshida as a threat and Yoshida definitely knows what’s up…these two might end up as bitter enemies

These panels right here makes me want to bring up why I love reading chainsaw man rather than watching it.

It just feels like I’m reading a movie…

This short exchange, while lacking in words, speaks volumes over how you can interpret the convo. It’s kind of like a comforting awkwardness and the reliance on facial expressions just makes the manga more engaging to me.

Anyway, Asa is sad that the date sucked, Denji was okay with it cause of the penguin! How cute! But poor Asa feels so defeated here…

Can we talk about how when a girl told Denji she will fulfil any one request of his, all he asks is for another date? It’s just, so cute.

He didn’t ask for anything sexual, boy’s grown. I feel like now he just wants the feeling of love in general again.

Once again, facial expressions speak more than words. I love this so much. For once, Asa “disappointed” someone and they didn’t turn on her immediately. I can only imagine how comforting this felt to Asa.

If this is a romance that’s blossoming, I love the more mutual grounds their relationship is building on. Sure it might all turn to shit later but that’s Chainsaw Man for ya. Right now however, I’m loving it.

OKAY TIME FOR THE OPINION THAT MIGHT AGE POORLY IN A FEW HOURS!

This won’t work…

If I remember correctly, Yoru said that Denji has to fall in love with Asa in order for her to turn him into a weapon. But she stated that she could feel Asa’s love for Denji, not the other way around.

In addition, I don’t think Yoru understands human emotions that well. Denji asking her out on another date doesn’t automatically mean he has fallen in love with her. He just likes her to a point where he’s willing to give it another shot. Hell, I’d say that maybe Asa hasn’t fallen in love with Denji either. She was probably just little happy over how things turned out. I know I’m being a killjoy sorry ;-;

But my point is, Yoru cant turn Denji. So yea, this is gonna be pretty awkward now lol

_______________________________

Overall, this was a cute chapter. Yoru came back and kicked ass, Asa was the one who saved the day and Denji got to see a penguin.

I am serious when I say that I do find the relationship that is building between Denji and Asa compelling. I don’t really care if it’s platonic or romantic, it’s just…nice?…to see them on more mutual terms.

[nathank77]

5/31/24

7 p.m

Well I passed the fuck out when I closed my eyes. Then I woke up around 1 p.m needing to pee... and I tried like hell to ignore it, it worked and then I had a dream where my current therapist who is not my therapist just some random person, a new therapist I've never met but I had been seeing for a while. I went to therapy in person. And Kristen Dew was in the chair next to me. We were both there to see the therapist. The therapist was forcing face to face contact. I was fucking uncomfortable, pissed off and like she RUINED MY BRAIN ANATOMY with negligence. She doesn't even get a slap on the wrist from the board! I can't fucking stop hallucinating and she gets away with it Scott free!!! I'm not interested in talking to her. There is no fixing anything. I would have accepted her apology back in the day and not reported her bc of empathy before she said fucking ocd voices. But she knew damn well I was hallucinating and was either negligent or fucking evil. And then when given the opportunity to apology when I asked her why she didn't tell me I was hallucinating, she said "I'm sorry this happened to you." KRISTEN DEW YOUR NEGLIGENCE HAPPENED TO ME. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY FUCKING LIFE. I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING. AND YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING.

Yea ocd voices like I fucking am obsessed with being my deadname. I fucking love being fucking Nathan. She wanted me to obsessed over creating the voice and fucking go on antipsychotics so I couldn't report her but I'm more resilient than you think. She wanted to dumb me down so I couldn't send in that report. She knew I'd overthink ocd voices and obsess over it.

Anyways- I don't remember much but Kristen being smug cause she got away with it... then the session ended and 30 minutes of it was wasted not bc of Kristen cause I had a bad therapist and I needed to replace her was a thought. She was letting people in the room after whatever happened with Kristen. My brain blocked it out. I just remember freaking out at my therapist for forcing the interaction...

So I woke up at 2 p.m needing to pee but I was suffering by the time it was 2:20. My stupid body wouldn't fall back to sleep. So I peeded... Took a Benadryl. I only had 6 hours at that point which is why I tried to ignore it... then I laid there for another 20 minutes... I got hungry... and eventually I ate a fucking protein bar. Then I laid there some more.

Finally fell back to sleep prob around 3:30 or so... at that point I slept until 4:30, I woke up wrote it in my sleep tracker. And I closed my eyes for seconds as I was so blind from not having my glasses on. I believe my lights were on... bam I opened my eyes it was 5:43 p.m

Idk why my body cant ignore the smallest amount of pee and let me sleep 7 straight hours... when I peeded it was pathetic. Like thanks for making me suffer. It was painful after a while and it was basically nothing and it's bc Kristen Dew is negligent that I can't get up and fucking pee bc then my body won't go back to sleep.

I think about her as I suffer holding my bladder. I think about her when I get up and give up and pee and then lay down and can't fall back to sleep. When I never had a problem falling asleep and then I also never had a problem falling back to sleep after using the bathroom!!!! Not until psychosis!

How I wish i could have slept from 7:30 a.m- 4:30 p.m... straight through with no painful holding in my bladder sessions. Even to 3:30 p.m... I didn't want to sleep this late. Why the fuck did I pass the fuck out from 4:30-5:43 for closing my eyes for 3 seconds? Why does that only happen when it's super late but never after I pee or when I hold my bladder?

Christ I took 2, 25MG Hydroxyzine and 1MG of Xanax before bed... then the Benadryl 25MG of Benadryl at 2 p.m..... thank Kristen Dew. I appreciate how drugged i got to be to sleep.

I appreciate my ptsd, my panic attacks, of course my fucking hallucination that never ends...

Now I'm worried about sleeping tonight cause I mean I usually take my xanax at 5:30 a.m... I'll have been up for approximately like 12 hours if I wait until 5:43 a.m....I guess I might just go to 1mg I'm sleeping every fucking day. I'll start with the half but if I'm not sleeping by 8 fuck it. I need to fucking sleep every single night for 7 hours to make my life somewhat tolerable... so my broken brain recovers if it's even capable of recovery....

I got to monitor my heart and chest today.... heart rate seems fine...

My Dr finally filled my testosterone. Imma pick it up tomorrow. I'll put in my order for xanax on Monday to give her time. Email her on Wednesday if it isn't approved by Wednesday- as I got to give her time. Then call the office on Thursday saying I didn't sleep last night. Hopefully this is all just a trauma plan and not something I have to carry out.. she could have been sick.. idk.. maybe she wants to line up my pick up date for testosterone the same week of my injection idk..

At least I can pick it up. So I'm worried about sleeping tonight. I'm worried about my chest pain/heart/being hypo maybe. I'm worried about Kristen Dew not getting what she deserves for being negligent still waiting on the status report............. My whole life is ruined thanks to her. I hate waking up at almost 6 p.m!!! And I'm anxious about xanax still... I feel like my life is a house of cards. Ready to blow over.

Idk if I even want to game today. I got a lot of sleep. But boy I wish I passed out in seconds at 2 p.m and woke up at 3:30 I would have used the bathroom and got up and did stuff today.... but instead it's almost 7 p.m...

Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping dreadfully going to Walmart maybe returning my Detergent cause I don't trust them anymore It isn't sealed.... picking up my testosterone. Then hopefully going for the car wash and watching a movie with my mom... I'll buy cbd but after flashback central last night I dont believe in it. Its a placebo now (thanks mike.) I can't afford to go over 100mg to see if symptoms improve... if 100mg doesn't improve fuck this expensive shit. I'll go for 50mg a day for neurogensis bc of microsleep....

The flashbacks were so bad last night. So fucking bad.

Whelp I hope I can get the energy to game...otherwise I guess I will Sunday. I'm so fucking lonely. I have no one to talk to and I'm going to be single forever and idk why. I stand by it I fucked up my facial hair but by Monday when i shave the rest to the same length it'll be like it never happened. I'm good looking.... why the fuck can't I find a girl who thinks I'm worth getting to know before she kicks me to the curb when she find out everything that is wrong with me?

Will my quality of life ever improve? My worse days are the days i have hardly any human interaction but my mother yelling at me... that's basically everyday. If only I could be touched by another human being. I don't remember the last time someone touched me..I almost want to go to the Dr just so they touch my arm for an injection or blood draw.

[ibolyafagyi]

social pressures eating my ass up.......... i freak out about making new irl contacts online, as in adding someone i met in real life ; and im also insecure trying to measure up with my few instagram numbers on my private account. because my numbers are low, its like im elevating the ppl that i do have contact with, like those 20 ppl are my bffs, which is not at all true. its a couple past dating app matches, a really few legit friends, a few of their friends, loose university contacts.

i want everyone to see me quietly, unknowingly, and know that im interesting.

i dont want to make new contacts.

i dont want to be "someone who cares about this".

so many ppl from my major have hundreds of followers, insta baddies, strangely preoccupied with a niche aesthetic, that at the end still feels alien to me. i wanna be like that, but also i havent been collecting contacts since years ago, and i feel like i still dont do it "right" currently, i dont wanna add new contacts... i dont want to look at and care for other people, i want people to care for me, reinforce me!

i feel like i need a token friend in my learnt language (my major). it feels, seems easy for others to do, n i feel like im late again, just like in all my teens about making friends and making steps in socialization. i am at the same time literally running from the exchange student i ended up in contact with. and it makes me feel small that i dont wanna meet her. and if i think about my therapist picking at this and asking why, i get soooo annoyed. ik its telling something, it may be regressive to not engage, but i wont cuz i have a lot on my plate rn, even if i miss this specific opportunity. might be bc of the selfishness of give me x, but i dont wanna give you anything.

reading back, all this seems so juvenile. its not like people have more authentic connections cuz they have instagram contacts.

i hate my therapist for making these problems so everyday in their nature, like what steps can we do to do that simple thing that im insecure about. in my brain i know it, i have the voice telling me it, that its not glorious and not dramatic and not huge, but i dont internalize ngl!!! cuz i hate the ungloriousness of it!! i preemptively feel stupid about them. i take them seriously, but it feels like this sentiment wants to cancel that, emotionally. they are huge things for me, and it feels so dissatisfying that others are incapable of seeing me/it that way, that its just another small thing for them, my big step a dust in their universe..... is that self-centeredness and immaturity? i mean yea. is it also perhaps a wound? i mean it could be?

i have other friends i havent written back to in a year. i have my high school classmates i was never comfortable with. ik its mostly about getting over it. no ones even forcing my hand to be besties with anyone, to go back and befriend my high school class at a reunion. it just comes back exactly because im stressed and insecure ----------

this loneliness sucks so fucking bad!

i hate overindulgent introverts bc this is that side of me! wallowing in own sadness. i wanted to believe i just have to believe in connection with other people, but it doesnt necessarily work just like that. i cant know. i cant decide. i cant just go in and feel fine and connected always. the answer to this particular step isnt "just suck it up and extrovert more". its not "introvert and find yourself cool by yourself" either.

i dont want it to be "stop thinking about yourself so much" either. cuz come on >:( i have to be between people all day everyday, changing situations, how could i stop perceiving my percepted perception! instagram is that perception hyperrealized. its an imitation and caricaturization of that same reality, but also it *is* a part of reality, its not like its not. ugh

[1oserjk]

sjhfjekdnd

[heroin-antiheroine]

lol so im very upset about the election results & how ppl can literally vote for our equivilant of trump instead of a man who genuinely cares about marginalised members of society. so like most ppl i know i had a rant about it on fb, esp after i saw statistics showing most ppl over 65 voted tory. just ghoulish overkill rly, saying how they’re voting to destroy the nhs but it won’t even affect them bc theyre gonna fuckin die soon & how they should just hurry up & kick the bucket. & i hid all my family from this, bc i dont wanna start shit in my family bc theyre all fuckin tory voters. but ofc, my grandad is an old man, so he has multiple fb accounts & i blocked the wrong one. so now he’s seen it & him & my gran are upset with me. so yeah ive had a couple of rly great weeks & now im just generally embarrassed & fuckin miserable as if this isnt the shit icing on top of the already shit cake. honestly tho tory voters may think theyre doing the right thing & claim that they arent sexist & racist but they helped elect a man who has been blatantly sexist & racist in the past so.....ok. 

[isabelguerra]

i’m making a new post 4 this bc i ended up thinking way harder than i thought i would which resulted in writing a small essay on fucking johnny jhonny. so i’m going to put this the tag and make everyone look at it. bc hes a cool character. heres the og post ok enjoy ily

@spoopyspoony i mean yea if we were dealing with ch1 johnny maybe. but we’re not, so i’m operating on 1 very important key factor here: we’ve ALREADY SEEN johnny not telling things to his friends!

this starts during hitball, the games’ ending is our as catalyst. we see that the words and actions of both hijack and max- hijacks bully/‘good violence’ monologue, max getting his arm broken to save a guy whos only been a jerk to him- begin sowing self doubt in johnny’s view of himself and his archetype role as School Bully. we even see this in action during the rope scene, ollie asks if somethings bothering him and johnny brushes it off in favor of deflecting. when ollie is mistakenly believed to say they wont use violence to get information out of ed, johnny jumps at it. we SEE ollie and rj give each other side eyes at his weird behavior. they dont pry, which is nice of them. but it also means he’s not talking to them, or anyone, about whats bothering him until we get to the ed scenes. there’s a lot going on in the ed scenes that i’m not gonna go into because it gives me a headache but my point is that johnny told a TOTAL STRANGER abt his teenage dodgeball-induced ego death crisis before he told rj, who is Right There.

‘yeah but johnnys fine by the end’ johnnys fine by the end bc he goes back to being cool w/ hurting ppl if it means his friends would still like him and everything stayed the same. u really think tht if it ended w him actually giving more entertainment to the idea ‘should i stop being a bully?’ instead of bouncing back immediately, if he was still made to question his friends’ love for him if he changed, he’d have the same happy outcome? miss me w that 

so ultimately it’s not that johnny doesn’t trust his friends enough to tell them this secret/problem, but that their good graces and friendship mean SO much to him that we see him start to not tell them things if he believes it would jeopardize that friendship.

‘ok but thats why johnny wouldn’t tell his friends about THAT. its still doesnt answer why he wouldn’t tell them about THIS’ good point! here’s what we know: johnny LOVES his friends. johnny would do anything for his friends. including putting himself in harms way and keeping things from them if he’s worried it’ll negatively impact the existence of their friendship. so i’ll counter: ‘johnny has no reason to tell his friends about this shit’? no dude johnny has EVERY reason not to tell his friends this shit! his friends ARE the reason! johnny’s so ride or die that he’ll die if it means his friends can still ride.

forge’s little soliloquy on ch5pg97 hints at a perspective of spectral existence that’s much more grim than the ‘cool superpowered kids fight ghosts’ premise we’re led into the comic with. soooooo if this new change in his life were to. say. put himself or his loved ones in danger. actual, non-teenage, ‘my-last-medium-met-her-end-as-a-result-of-this-world,-and-there-is-nothing-that-can-ensure-you-will-not-meet-the-same-fate’ danger. or! not even put them in danger! just simply lead him to believe that them just KNOWING that danger exists for him, and there’s next to nothing they can do about it? to have the friends he cares so much about constantly worried about him? if they knew, a whole lot would change. to johnny, i think that guilt would be pretty tough to deal with

well. they cant worry if they don’t know, yeah?