#but writing this has been incredibly cathartic for my pain

[ratgirlexe]

Me: *In severe pain from a bad pain flare* "Wow I really wish I could get my mind off of my pain by writing! Too bad my brain is too mush to do so!"

Me, two hours later: *3 thousand words deep into a fun little one shot about chronic pain management, about to have an absolute brain blast level idea*

Anyways, I'm gonna try to have these *two* one-shots out in the next few days once I've slept and can proofread and edit them. They're a paired set, and I'm absolutely charmed with how they turned out.

[doumadono]

emergency request

work has been stressful. i’m having panic attacks, and i’m dealing with a lot of disability related stuff on top of it. (in short: frequent episodes of not being able to move. at all.)

i don’t know if you write geto (didn’t see him on your masterlist), but if so, i would really appreciate a little geto x f!reader comfort fluff. if you’re not comfortable writing geto, i would happily accept aizawa.

thanks 🖤

A/N: I'm truly sorry to hear that you've been going through such a challenging time. Work-related stress, panic attacks, and dealing with disability-related matters must be incredibly tough. Take the time you need for self-care. You're stronger than you know, and I believe in your resilience ♥ If you ever want to talk or share more, I'm here for you. Take care of yourself, my dear! I genuinely hope this brief story brings you some comfort. Please be gentle with me - it's only my second time writing for him

JUJUTSU KAISEN EMERGENCY REQS

Geto was exceptionally perceptive, noticing subtle shifts in your mood long before you verbalized them.

He paid close attention to the nuances of your expressions, from the smallest furrow in your brow to the way your gaze shifted.

Initially, he observed in silence, not wanting to intrude but filing away mental notes about the patterns of your emotional landscape.

Geto became adept at distinguishing between your ordinary fluctuations and the more pronounced signs of emotional turmoil, honing in on the moments when you became increasingly weighed down.

He noticed the small details — how your laughter lost its genuine lilt or how your smile didn't quite reach your eyes during particularly trying times.

He was observant not only of the highs and lows but the nuances in between, recognizing the subtleties of emotions that might elude others. 

Finally, one day, he asked, "You seem a bit distant lately. Anything you want to talk about?”

You tentatively shared glimpses of your struggles, allowing Geto to see the vulnerability you kept hidden from others. "It's just work stress, I guess. Been feeling overwhelmed…”

Geto pulled you into a reassuring hug. “I'm here, baby. Pour it out.”

The walls around your emotions started to crumble. “I've been having panic attacks, and it's affecting every part of my life. I'm just so… tired… emotionally exhausted, you know?”

He tenderly planted a series of gentle kisses on your forehead. "Don't fret, my dear. This too shall pass. All you have to do is be patient and show kindness to the wonderful soul of yours that I hold so dearly. Come, let me take care of you.”

The weight of the day pressed heavily on your shoulders as you stumbled into the shared apartment. The air felt thick with the residue of stress, and every step carried the burden of exhaustion. In a rare moment of vulnerability, the dam holding back the emotions broke, and you couldn't contain the torrent any longer.

Without warning, you began to scream, a raw and primal release of the pent-up frustrations and anxieties that had accumulated throughout the day. The sound echoed through the walls, a cathartic symphony of anguish. With each scream, you shed a layer of the burdens you had carried for far too long.

In a desperate frenzy, you tore your bag off your shoulders, the motion aggressive and unbridled. The bag hit the floor with a thud, a symbol of the weight you were shedding. Shoes were kicked off haphazardly, sent flying across the room like discarded remnants of a battle fought in the outside world.

Limping a step or two, you felt the physical toll of the day on your body. Each movement was a reminder of the struggles faced, a silent testimony to the challenges that seemed insurmountable. Despite the pain, you pressed on, driven by an unyielding need to find release.

Finally, on your knees, your body sank to the floor, and you hid your face in your hands. The sobs wracked your frame, the tears flowing freely as if breaking a dam of pent-up emotions. The vulnerability of the moment was palpable, an unguarded display of the toll that life had taken on your spirit.

The apartment walls absorbed the echoes of your cries, bearing witness to the raw authenticity of your emotional unraveling. In this private space, you allowed yourself to be unapologetically human, to let the facade crumble and reveal the vulnerabilities beneath.

Unbeknownst to you, Geto had been home the entire time, quietly observing the storm of emotions that unfolded. His footsteps had been soundless, allowing you the space to release the torrents of frustration that had built up throughout the day.

From the loyalty of a follower, the dynamic had shifted into a more intimate connection — the transformation from a dedicated supporter to a life partner. It had surprised you, leaving you in a state of perpetual awe at the evolution of your relationship. You marveled at Geto's keen intellect, appreciating the depth of his personality that went beyond the public facade. Yet, despite the admiration, there lingered a sense of bewilderment. You couldn't fathom what it was in you that had caused someone of his stature to fall for someone as seemingly ordinary as you.

The quiet rustle of Geto's kāṣāya garment marked his silent approach. As he entered the room, his discerning eyes took in the scene — your slumped figure on the floor, the remnants of emotional release scattered around. 

With a subtle grace, Geto crouched beside you, his kāṣāya settling around him. His presence was a steady anchor in the midst of emotional turbulence. As he observed, the lines of concern etched onto his face betrayed a genuine worry for your well-being.

His thumb and index finger gently grasped your chin. There was a silent understanding in his touch — a recognition of shared struggles and vulnerabilities.

With a voice that held a calming resonance, he asked, "What's wrong, my love?" Geto's eyes searched yours, seeking the truth behind the storm of emotions that had unfolded.

Struggling against the strength of Geto's grasp on your chin, you attempted to avert your gaze from his keen, black irises. However, his hold was unyielding, preventing even the slightest movement. Your eyes, teary and vulnerable, met his unwavering gaze.

Tears welled up and spilled down your cheeks as the floodgates of emotion burst open yet again. With each sob, you began to share the burdens that had led to this emotional breaking point. The weight of work, the battles with disability, and the overwhelming stress poured out in words between shaky breaths. "I... I just can't handle it anymore," you admitted, voice choked with emotion. "Every day feels like a struggle, and I don't know how to keep going. Oh, I'm so so useless."

As you poured out your heart, a haunting self-doubt surfaced. Amidst the sobs, you confessed, "And... and I don't understand why you're with me. I'm not good enough for someone like you. You deserve someone stronger, someone who doesn't break down like this."

In the stillness that followed, Geto's gaze remained unwavering, his fingers maintaining their gentle yet firm hold. His expression held a mixture of understanding and compassion, the weight of your words acknowledged without judgment.

With a voice that resonated with sincerity, he responded, "Strength is not about never breaking down, little one. It's about finding the courage to rise again. And you, my dear, are stronger than you give yourself credit for."

His words, though simple, carried a profound reassurance. Geto's thumb wiped away a tear from your cheek, his touch a gentle acknowledgment of the vulnerability you had bared. "I chose you because of who you are," he affirmed, his voice a soothing presence amid the storm of emotions. "Your strength lies in your resilience, in the way you face challenges head-on. You don't have to be perfect; you just have to be yourself."

With your gaze locked onto Geto's unwavering eyes, lips slightly parted and tears streaming down your face, you continued to pour out the burdens that had weighed heavily on your heart. The sobs, though still present, became intertwined with the raw honesty of your words. "I feel like I'm drowning, Geto," you admitted, your voice shaky yet determined. "Work, my disability, everything... It's just too much. There are moments when I can't move, and it terrifies me. I don't know how to handle it." The vulnerability in your expression mirrored the openness of your heart. "I thought I could handle it all, but it's breaking me," you confessed. "I can't keep up this facade of strength. It's exhausting, and I'm tired, Geto. Tired of pretending I'm okay when I'm not."

Tears blurred your vision as you continued, "And there's this constant fear," you continued, your voice quivering. "That I'm not good enough for you. That you'll see through this facade and realize I'm just... not enough…"

Geto observed your tear-streaked face with a slight tilt of his head, his gaze unwavering. Geto slipped one of his strong arms under your knees and the other against your back. With seemingly effortless strength, he lifted you into his arms, cradling you with a tenderness.

Silently carrying you through the apartment, he navigated toward a hidden sanctuary — a winter garden tucked away at the back: a place that held significance, a haven of tranquility that had often brought you solace in times of need.

The door creaked open, revealing the serene winter garden adorned with delicate flora. The air was warm, and the ambient quietness seemed to amplify the intensity of the moment. Geto, still holding you securely in his arms, stepped into the sanctuary that he knew held a special place in your heart.

The familiar surroundings embraced you with a sense of calmness as Geto carefully settled you on a comfortable metal bench covered with thick blankets, ensuring that you were cradled in warmth. 

Geto's gaze shifted to the delicate flora surrounding you. His voice was low and measured as the tall man began to explain, "All of these," he gestured towards the various plants, "are delicate. Just like you." His words held a quiet reverence for the intricacies of life, and he moved towards a small pot adorned with your favorite flowers — blue orchids. "It's easy to break them," he continued, his fingers grazing the petals with a gentle touch. "But even in their delicate state, they strive to survive." His attention shifted to a particular orchid that both of you had thought was long gone. Geto revealed the seemingly lifeless stalks, and to your surprise, pointed out two new buds emerging, still tender and small. "They may look delicate, but they have a strength within," he remarked, his eyes meeting yours. "Even when faced with adversity, they find a way to grow anew." Moving back to you, Suguro's gaze held a rare softness. "Just like these orchids, you've faced challenges and found the strength to grow. I admire your resilience." His words were sincere, a reflection of the admiration he held for your tenacity in the face of life's storms.

Tears welled up in your eyes. The quiver in your chin mirrored the emotions boiling within your soul. The weight of his words sank in, a profound recognition of the strength that had blossomed in the face of adversity. "I... I never thought of it that way," you admitted, your voice soft and tremulous. "It's just... sometimes it feels like everything is too much, like I'm too fragile for this world." The vulnerability in your confession hung in the air, a stark contrast to the quiet strength that Geto had just commended.

Geto's eyes held a depth of understanding as he listened to your words. With a reassuring touch, he reached out, his thumb gently brushing away a tear that trailed down your cheek as he took a seat beside you. "It's crucial," he said, "to focus on your own well-being. Only then can you coexist with your inner demons. Sorrow has a human heart too often. And you're strong enough to overcome it.” Geto, with a tender gesture, pulled you to sit on his thick lap. His strong arms enveloped you, drawing you close to his wide torso. Gently rocking you back and forth, he whispered words of encouragement into your ear. "You're stronger than you think, and I believe in you. Life throws challenges at everyone, and your resilience in facing them is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay not to have it all figured out. Be patient with yourself, take one step at a time, and know that you're not alone. I'm here, you're not alone. We're in this together. You're capable of overcoming whatever comes your way, and I'm proud to stand by your side. You can always count on me. I won't hesitate to remove any obstacles that stand in your way. Your well-being is my priority.”

The warmth of his embrace and the soothing cadence of his voice created a sanctuary of comfort, a moment of solace in which you felt both physically and emotionally embraced. You gently wrapped your sore arms around Suguru's neck, seeking solace in his comforting, warm embrace. Nuzzling into the crook of his neck, you expressed gratitude, your voice soft but filled with sincerity. "Thank you for always being so gentle with me.”

"Anytime, Y/N. Difficult moments will fade away. And I'll never leave you alone. Ever,” he accentuated the last word, gently kissing your forehead. "Now, wipe away those tears and join me. We still have a delightful supper to prepare together.”

[quinnyundertow]

Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 2

What we Lost

Choso x Reader

Chapter 1

THERE WILL BE MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

Summary: The fight with Sukuna has finally ended. Before he’s wisked off the battlefield the boy named Yuji begs you to try and save what’s left of his older brother.

TW Extreme disabilities, hospital setting, amputation.

AN: Writing this fic so far has been incredibly cathartic. I’ve found writing to be incredibly difficult since my back surgery. At first I thought it was the heavy duty pain killers and meds fogging my mind. Maybe it was. Now I’m just depressed. In the blink of an eye I went from no disability to unable to drive and using a walker to get around. Even then the pain is extreme. Thankfully my body is not as wounded as Choso’s is in this. Choso will not regain his limbs or full function in this story. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a happy ending. Choso will have disabilities moving forward but that doesn’t mean he’s something broken that needs to be fixed. He still has value despite his physical limitations. I’m trying to convince myself that I do too.

Chapter 2

What we lost

All he could feel was pain. He had never experienced a sensation like this before. Wave upon wave of raw agony rolled over him. There’s this screeching mechanical noise blaring near him. Muffled voices are discussing something but it’s like all the sounds are under water. He’s trying to focus his blood manipulation ability to assess the damage to himself but something is terribly wrong. It’s like trying to grasp threads of information in a typhoon. The capabilities he used to summon with barely a thought before are slipping through his fingers. He can’t tell the extent of the damage Sukuna left but he knows this is a very bad sign. The pain has him gritting his teeth and straining his exhausted muscles.

Is this how his brothers felt before they died? Kechizu and Eso? Hell, even Yuji when he had practically killed him in that bathroom in Shibuya. Yuji. Had he been able to save Yuji? He thinks he did, hopes with every fiber of his being he did. If he failed, he hopes to die sooner rather than later. He tries to open his eyes but they’re too heavy. A racking wet cough bubbles out of his mouth to form the words to ask the only thing that matters, “Yuji?”

Someone is responding but he can’t make out the words. A small soft hand takes his own. It’s not Yuji. It reassures some part of him all the same. It feels like a life preserver has been thrown into the roiling ocean around him. Sudden relief from pain.

Time passes in a state between waking and dreams. He can tell when Yuji visits. His hand is large and calloused on his own. Yuji’s distressed. He knows he’s the reason and he hates it. Blood pressure rising as he’s struggling to open his eyes. Hands are on his shoulders as he seizes violently. Those small delicate hands are on one side and Yuji’s on the other. That familiar flow of pain relief pulls him under.

~~

Yuji Itadori has been through so much at this point yet he’s still smiling. It’s an exhausted, stressed out smile but a smile all the same. You feel cripplingly guilty. You may have kept Choso alive but the state he’s in is barely human. Er, curse. An existence at all.

“I can’t thank you enough for watching over him.” Yuji’s voice is sincere as he bows his head. You hate that he’s thanking you. Yuji has been at the hospital on campus more than he’s been home. Everyone he loves, still alive, is here in some capacity after all. Megumi Fushiguro and Nobara Kugisaki have their own rooms but they tend to gravitate towards one another and stay in Megumi’s room. Much to Megumi’s pretend chagrin.

Your voice is heavy with exhaustion, “It’s the least I can do.” You haven’t left the hospital in the week since Sukuna was destroyed. Neither has Shoko nor Nitta. There are so many injured people. Every few hours someone codes. Heart stopping, lungs failing. You three manage to bring them back but it’s taking everything you have. You’ve never felt so helpless. You know Shoko and Nitta feel it too. When your eyes meet each other in the hall as you pass. Grim expressions rather than greetings.

Yuji scratches the back of his neck; a gesture you’ve come to learn means he’s not sure what else to do with them. “Please don’t diminish what you’re doing.” He pauses to look back in the room where Choso is sleeping fitfully. “He’s calmer when you're close.”

You give a tired chuckle, “I’m a walking painkiller. Can you blame him?”

Yuji tilts his head as if considering your words. He looks like he wants to say more but words fail him. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go check on Fushiguro.”

You nod, “Of course.” Yuji’s low bow before he leaves seems excessive. This is the boy who saved all of Japan after all. You sigh. Yuji doesn’t see the situation the same way. He sees it as him failing to protect all of Japan. You duck behind the curtain pulled around Choso’s bedside and sink into the chair beside him.

Choso looks like he was chewed up and spit out again by a meat grinder. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but not by much.

You had managed to nap for about an hour the ate some food Yuji had brought up alongside fresh flowers for the room. That was enough to give yourself a little more cursed energy to expend. You are trying to improve his quality of life while keeping him drugged up so he’s not in excruciating pain. Even with all your advanced pain relieving jutsus he moans for hours on end. Throat so raw he coughs up blood.

You place your fingers right behind his ears near his jaw. His right eardrum is just about healed. He should be able to hear something at least. The left ear is irreparable. Well technically it’s not the ear. Shoko said it’s the nerves from the brain to his ear that were destroyed. He has a gnarly scar on the back of his head. His dark locks will hide it in time. That’s probably the least of his worries.

You pick up his medical chart and jot down some notes. There’s a human figure at the bottom of the page. The figure shows front and back with notes on all injuries. You had to start numbering the locations because it was too much to write in the area provided.

“Left cranium injury, loss of hearing and sight to left eye. Severe burns to the inside of the throat and lungs from breathing in super heated air. Six broken ribs, right lung punctured, arms with severe burns from the elbow down. Right hand missing pinky and index finger. Left hand and forearm required amputation.” You can’t read anymore. Needless to say nothing survived below the knees.

When he’s up moaning in pain all night you wish you never would have tried to help him. He probably would beg you to let him die if he could manage it.

You stroke the right side of his forehead gently. He remarkably hasn’t had a fever today. He’s gradually improving. Shoko says he’s out of the woods now. He won’t die but he can’t regrow any of the pieces missing either.

Tracing his brow you hope the light sensation brings the tiniest bit of comfort. You’re terrified he’ll hate you when he wakes up and registers his condition. The only thing proving he’s aware of anything is he cries out for Yuji intermittently only to stop when Yuji or you hold his hand. What’s left of it. You hesitated at first to put any pressure on his hand but when you finally did his three undamaged fingers wrapped around your own. He didn’t let go until Yuji took your place.

His fingers curl comfortably around yours now. The sharing of warmth between you both seems to help you both relax. His blood pressure goes down to a healthier level and you can finally manage to get some much needed sleep. You don’t even realize when you doze off. Something feels wrong when you wake up. The hospital room is dark except for the green glow of the machine running his intravenous and keeping his pulse and oxygen rates tracked. Disentangling his finger from yours, you stand, examining the numbers on it to be sure there isn’t anything wildly out of the ranges he’s been in. “It doesn’t look bad. All things considered.” You’ve been talking to him since the moment you found him in the rubble. It comes naturally now. You don’t expect a response.

The relationship you have is one sided. You and Choso had never officially met before the fight against Sukuna. You had seen him in passing. Especially in the months leading up to the climactic battle of good vs evil. He was referred to as the curse protecting Sukuna’s former vessel by those who didn’t care for him and Itadori’s older brother by those who did. You hadn’t formed an opinion either way at the time.

You change the bag of urine collected and make sure his catheter doesn’t have any kinks in the line. Finding nothing else to occupy yourself with you slide back into the chair you had been seated in. “I think I’m starting to lose it.” You’re not sure what woke you up but you doubt you could fall back asleep anytime soon. You place your hand under his again and his fingers wrap back around your own.

You adjust pulling your legs up onto your chair, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand in what you hope is comforting circles. That uncomfortable feeling falls over you again. It’s like you're being watched. You jerk awake, your eyes quickly scan up his face only to lock on the dark brown eye watching you. You gasp in surprise and shock. He looks cognizant, his pupils are almost back to normal size. Your mouth opens and shuts a few times in shock, “I-I gotta tell Yuji.”

You go to reach for your phone but your attention goes back to him when he tries to sit up and speak. Eyes widening, you're shaking your head. You let go of the hand that is holding his to urge him to not move; but his grasp on you is surprisingly strong. It doesn’t hurt at all but it’s definitely firm. “Choso, please don’t try to get up yet. You’ll tear your stitches open.”

He must be able to hear your plea because he pauses and rests back into the pillows laying about him. His eyes are scanning his surroundings briefly. They pause on the wall clock only to wander until they rest on your face. “It’s 3:20 AM.” You hear yourself stupidly explain what he clearly just saw. “..but you know that because you read the clock. Sorry.”

He looks confused as to why you're apologizing. You flush in embarrassment before picking up your phone again. “Yuji is going to be so happy you're aware now.”

His fingers squeeze your own briefly to get your attention. You pause to glance up at him in surprise. His voice is deep and scratchy sounding but it’s there. “Don’t.”

You blink in confusion several times. All Choso has done is ask for Yuji the whole time he’s sick and now he doesn’t want to see him? Clarity hits you a moment later, “You don’t want to wake him up?”

The corner of his lip curls slightly in the smallest smile. His fingers flexing once around yours in what your guessing is approval. You can’t help but smile back, your eyes burning with relief that his mind seems intact. “How about I text him as a compromise?”

His response is so light it’s barely a flutter of his fingers. His head is leaning back into his pillow. The eye he doesn’t have covered with bandages sleepily blinks at you. His eye is starting to look unfocused as it drifts shut. Each time it closes it’s a little longer than the last. He’s still holding your hand. You text with one hand to Yuji telling him the good news but not to rush over that Choso is going back to sleep. When you finish the message you tuck the phone into your pants pocket. Now free your spare hand wanders to his brow again. Still cool to the touch. You caress his forehead lightly stroking his hair back. You hope you aren’t overstepping your boundaries by doing so. Thankfully, you're reassured when he gives a long breath out and his brow relaxes as he fully falls asleep.

Chapter 3

AN

I really enjoyed these fics with themes of loss and surviving with a caregiver reader. Please consider checking them out.

@umemiyan Postmortem/Postpartum

Buttholesupreme “I’ll be seeing you”

[topazadine]

Writing Compelling Trauma in Fiction: Dos and Don'ts

Trauma is, quite frankly, a load-bearing weight in the fiction space. We've all done it: thrown in the saddest, most miserable little factoid about our meow-meows so that they feel not just real, but compelling and sympathetic. It helps readers empathize with them and spices up a story.

Very well-done trauma can also be cathartic for readers, especially if the character prevails despite what has happened to them.

The problem is that poorly written trauma can feel exploitative, cheap, and melodramatic. It turns people off, especially those who have been through a similar experience. Now it feels as if someone is using our pain to sell things or get attention, and it is often obvious when someone has not been through that experience, which can make readers feel uncomfortable.

So, here is my opinion on how to write more compelling trauma.

As always, I am not the ultimate authority on writing, I am not telling you exactly what to do with your writing, my opinions are just opinions, I am not perfect, I might be wrong, this might not resonate with you. Take what you like and leave the rest.

There's also not going to explicit descriptions of abuse or trauma in this post.

These are the highlights, and then we'll get more into it under the cut.

Trauma must be transformative

Flashbacks are not little movies

Triggers are not always obvious

Don't give characters every trauma ever

It's not always necessary to show the event

The earlier the trauma happens, the more it changes a character

Characters do not always tell every single person about the trauma

Characters themselves may not be explicit about discussing the trauma

And then we will go through some quick action points about trauma.

Trauma must be transformative

Trauma, by definition, changes someone; otherwise, whatever happened would just be another normal Tuesday and no one would care.

This problem is where we get the concept of "fridging." Something horrible happens to a character and they just kind of shrug it off, or it impels them to do something but doesn't actually change them as a person.

For example, a superhero finds their (typically female) lover dead and it spurs them to fight the villain, but then it just doesn't do anything else. They forget about the dead lover and said lover is never mentioned again. That's shitty writing and also kind of misogynistic.

It doesn't need to change them in bad ways, per se: Batman becomes a crime fighter because his parents died in front of him. We know that and always feel that in his story. But, there must be a change or the trauma doesn't mean anything.

Options for you (not an exhaustive list):

Developing anxiety. This may be a more globalized anxiety, such as agoraphobia, or it may be more specific. Shying away from "unsafe" situations that seem perfectly safe to other people. This is another form of anxiety. Becoming withdrawn and refusing to trust anyone. Clinging to "safe" people; becoming dependent and helpless. They may become codependent and childlike. This is common with childhood abuse, particularly childhood sexual abuse. Their emotional coping skills were stunted after the event and they never developed a healthy sense of self. Growing cold and unemotional; isolating themselves from other people. They may refuse to talk about the event and insist that they are fine. Advocating for others dealing with the same thing. Acting like an emotional "open wound:" intense, trauma vomiting all over other people, failing to self-regulate. Having extreme bursts of rage. This is more common in men, but it can also happen in women. For sexual trauma, becoming hypersexual or having no interest in sex whatsoever. They may become incredibly touch-averse, even getting antsy when someone touches their hand. Making risky decisions that lead to further traumatization. Especially true regarding child abuse; those who were molested as children are far more likely to be revictimized later in life. BTW, this is not victim-blaming: it is still the abuser's fault for hurting them. No one should take advantage of someone's vulnerability like that. Keeping everything surface level and refusing to open up to anyone about anything. They may seem "bland" and uninteresting to the outside observer because everything about them has been stuffed down. As I have mentioned elsewhere, trauma often blunts a person's personality and makes them less interesting.

Again, this isn't an exhaustive list, but it's an idea of what you might be able to work with.

Flashbacks are not little movies

Nothing irks me more than writers who decide that the best possible way to explain someone's trauma is to just go back in time and show it in exhaustive detail because that is not how trauma generally works. You don't just see the whole thing in vivid technicolor most of the time.

Why? Because trauma is ... traumatic. Your brain wants to protect you from that experience and isn't going to force you to relive it over and over again exactly as it happened.

More commonly, flashbacks are small snippets of the event. For example, you might see the person's eyes as they are staring at you, or a very brief image of the worst part of it. You'll see what your eyes were focusing on in the moment, but you're not going to see the whole thing all at once. Sometimes, a flashback is like a still image, or like a GIF. But it's not a little movie.

In other cases, a flashback is just a body sensation with no actual visual images shown. You might feel pain in the place where you were hurt, and you may not even realize it's a flashback.

This can actually make for very compelling writing when done correctly, because you can show small snapshots of the event sprinkled throughout the story so that the reader slowly develops a full understanding of what happened.

So what could you show?

The eyes of the perpetrator

Expressions on a perpetrator's face

A "diorama" of the room/location where it took place

Repeating images of a small section of the event

Physical pain: pelvic pain for assault, tender ribs, old wounds starting to hurt again

Darkness or swirls of motion

Sounds or phrases that were said during the event

The aftermath: what happened right after they were safe or rescued

Sensations: pressure, heat, cold, weightlessness, heaviness, exhaustion, pain

Triggers are not always obvious

A trigger can be anything that reminds you of trauma. Scents, sounds, words, certain brands, the tone of someone's voice, specific locations that just remind you of where it happened, anything. I am sure there are people out there who are triggered by Dolce & Gabbana handbags or certain ice cream flavors.

Sometimes, a trigger is not even obvious to the person who suffered. They may not realize why they shy away from certain experiences, like swinging on a playset or walking through an airport, because they can't remember why that's relevant to what happened.

Don't give a character every trauma ever

Going overboard with trauma is one of the best ways to get people to hate your book. It feels as if you are using trauma as a stand-in for actually developing characters people can resonate with and just using pity points to get people to care.

In fact, I would argue that you need to give characters less trauma than would be feasible for the average person. Of course, many people go through multiple types of trauma over their lifetime, to the point where if someone read a book about them, it would seem unrealistic.

But characters are not people. They are meant to populate a fictional plot. As such, less is more. Using less trauma forces you to dig deeper into those certain events and identify how your character changed.

It's not always necessary to show the event

This is especially true if you are writing about characters who have childhood trauma. Full-on cinematic flashbacks are a cheap way to get out of showing us how the trauma changed them. This is especially true if this is the only flashback in the story, or you are only flashing back to show us increasingly more disturbing examples of their trauma.

The most compelling stories I have read do not show the trauma; they show us the aftermath. We see how the character is haunted by what happened and how they can never go back to who they were before. It makes for deeper and more interesting characterization than just "oh look at this bad thing that happened."

There's also the fact that it's more intriguing to give us hints and subtle references to something. The fear of the unknown is worse than the true, explicit details, because then the reader is filling in the blanks in their own mind and imagining how bad it must have been by seeing what is before them: the traumatized character.

The earlier the trauma happens, the more it changes a character

There is a reason that any therapist will ask you about Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs): because it completely shifts who you are and affects you forever. I won't bore you with the research, but those who went through childhood trauma are more likely to have substance abuse issues, heart disease, mental health problems, social challenges, and much more. The list of things that correlate to child abuse is honestly very depressing and shocking.

This isn't to say that adult abuse isn't going to cause problems, but it won't be quite as deeply rooted and horrifying as childhood trauma. Your character will likely not go through a 180 degree shift because their personality is already well rooted. Children are still having their personality molded by their environment and are going to be more deeply scarred.

Characters do not always tell every single person about the trauma

My greatest annoyance. Characters putting it all out into the open for every single person to know about is just ... unrealistic. Even if it just happened yesterday, not everyone is going to know. Certainly if it was childhood trauma, only a few select people are going to know about it, especially in explicit detail.

For example, the vast majority of people sexually abused as children never disclose the abuse to anyone. Anyone! This makes it incredibly challenging to identify how many people were molested because so many people don't want to share.

There's a lot of shame and vulnerability that comes from disclosing abuse, and everyone, no matter who they are, wants to avoid pain. It's in our nature. There's also the fact that if it was a childhood event, the child was likely threatened with punishment if they disclosed, and that will carry on into adulthood. They will be afraid of repercussions if they share it, even if their abuser is dead or absent.

As such, you need to decide on the circle of trust. Who would your character rely on when wanting to discuss their problems? Maybe a lover, a close friend, or a parent.

One quick note here: it's actually pretty common for people who went through trauma together to not discuss it with one another. Neither wants to trigger their friend/relative/partner/etc by bringing it up, so there may just be an unspoken agreement not to mention it. If they do discuss it, it might be in more vague and referential terms instead of explicit exposition.

Characters themselves may not be explicit when discussing the trauma

It's just not realistic for your character to go through every exhaustive detail of any traumatic event when sharing it with someone. They may say "my dad hit me a lot," or "I saw a car crash," or "I was assaulted," etc. There will be brief sum-up statements, not a gory and intense description of it, for example:

"Something bad happened."

"He hit me."

"I was trapped."

"I was assaulted/raped."

"I fell."

"There was a car crash."

"Someone died in front of me."

"I was there when [x] happened."

"There was a robbery/break-in."

"I was kidnapped."

Or the classic:

"I don't want to talk about that."

Our minds don't want to make us relive it, so we will keep it vague to avoid triggering ourselves. For some people, they dissociated during the event and don't even have those details to share because they weren't consciously encoded.

Think of a bad thing that happened to you. If someone asks you, it's very unlikely that you're going to walk through it step by step for them. More likely, you'll summarize it. Your characters will do the same.

Action points for writing trauma:

Consider when the trauma happened to decide on the impact.

Pick one or two types of trauma (death of a parent, sexual assault, being mugged, getting into a car accident, watching someone die, etc) and then stick with that only.

Identify what a character would have been had they not been traumatized, and then shift that personality based on the kind of trauma.

Decide whether it's necessary to show the abuse.

Focus on sensory details rather than explicit narration when doing. any form of flashback: sights, sounds, smells, textures, how hot or cold it was, pressure, etc.

Sprinkle flashbacks throughout in snippets as they become relevant based on a trigger.

Don't trauma dump the entire experience of past trauma on the reader in one go because the character wouldn't do that themselves.

Remember that people may dissociate during a traumatic event and their own descriptions might be vague and dreamlike.

Look at the scene yourself and consider what might become a trigger. A certain perfume? Cigarette smoke? A birdsong?

Decide who would be told based on relationships with the character. Again, the checkout clerk isn't going to get the details. Maybe a therapist, a partner, a close friend.

People who were traumatized together may avoid any discussion of it.

Characters will typically summarize the experience when talking about it to others unless they have a very, very close relationship.

[vaguely-concerned]

GARASHIR FICS I HAVE LOVED RECENTLY

That’s right it’s fic recs o’clock baby! 

This Be The ‘Verse series by Vermin_Disciple

If the end of the show hurt you, this is a soothing balm to ease that pain, and in such smart and enjoyable ways. There are more ensemble-focused installments as well as more Garashir & Cardassia ones, and they all rule. This is technically kid!fic, but I implore you to check it out even if that’s not normally your thing, it really is that good and it’s Playing Around with the form in some ways you might not expect. The first fic in the series, This Be The Verse, sets the stage for how all the characters end up post-show. Tell Me You See Me is set earlier in the timeline, and has an amazing suspense/mystery plot going through it as well as a really interesting exploration of Julian’s relationship with his mother, on top of all the wonderful Garashir stuff, and A Bag Full of God is a *chef’s kiss* perfect deployment of deaging as a trope to examine character development and relationships. Also incredibly funny, in the best and most character-affirming of ways. 

In general I have loved every single fic by this author I’ve had the privilege to read, so just go forth and devour it all and I hope you have as good a time as I did!  

Too Wise To Woo Peaceably series by TakePenAndInk

I hadn’t thought I’d ever be interested in a full human!AU DS9 fic, and never in my LIFE have I been so ecstatic to be proven completely wrong! The pacing of character— and relationship development is immaculate, the prose in general and Garak POV voice in particular is so deeply charming, and it has one of the best and most painful deployments of The Little Julian That Lives In Garak’s Head I’ve ever seen. Add in astonishingly well-written, stupendously well-characterized sex scenes with so much emotional depth and joy and intensity in them, and this is one of the best experiences I’ve had with reading in general in a long, long time. 

primary, secondary by robnauts 

This fic does such cool and interesting things with the epistolary format, and also goes ham on a part of the worldbuilding of Cardassian society that’s always weirdly skirted away from in the canon itself — how queerness would fit into the whole ‘family above all (except the state let’s not get excited here)’ idea. Absolutely nails the tone of Garak’s ‘writing voice’, and builds the other characters so skillfully too. Had me crying like a baby by the end, extremely cathartic.

TL;DR you wanna have feelings about Garashir and the field of queer history? Because you’re gonna and it’s fucking great!!!

[temnurus]

Wangxian Top Ten Fic Recs

So. I got into MDZS/The Untamed back in February, & I've sort of fallen into a Wangxian black hole from which I am not sure I will ever emerge. Thusly, I've been reading a ton of Wangxian fanfiction lately & have acquired quite a few favorites. Naturally I had to eventually compile a rec list lest I combust with all the barely suppressed love I have for this ship.

Now you lucky people get to reap the benefits of all my hard work because not only have I ranked my top ten, I am also including a bunch of honorable mentions because I'm ridiculous & have no self restraint because I'm such a kind & generous person. Note that the honorable mentions are not ranked & are listed in no particular order.

Fair warning, all of these recs are rated Explicit because I enjoy either a sprinkling or a flood of adult content with my fics. It's far from the focus of many of them, but it's there to varying degrees in each. Also, some of these fics cover some heavy content that may be triggering for some folks, so please do mind the tags & any authors' notes for your own peace of mind.

And with no further adieu, onto the recs!

1. Scars Where They Used to Be by CwythanWind (E, 58,467)

Thoughts: I lost count of how many times I cried in this fic. It was gorgeous in every sense of the word. The characterizations were phenomenal. Wei Ying’s pain was palpable, & the pining was agonizing. Lan Zhan conveying his love through poetry made me sob like a baby twice. The prose was just that beautiful. I can’t recommend this enough. As soon as I finished it I knew it was going to become my favorite Wangxian fic, & nothing has managed to top it yet.

2. Beneath Your Skin by Wrenwolf (E, 147,201)

Thoughts: I was sold on tattoo artist Wei Ying from the word go, haha, but Lan Zhan as an antiques dealer was also surprisingly on point. I go on about characterization a lot in these recs, but I have to tell you that Lan Zhan's here is one of my absolute favorites. I felt like I'd crawled into his skin & was just living there right along with him. And don't get me started on Wei Ying in this fic. I just.. fuck, I cried so much, y'all, & it was incredibly cathartic. Nie Huaisang was my favorite side character in this, & they were an absolute BAMF! You can't go wrong with this one. It's just stunning.

3. Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 72,966)

Thoughts: This fic was full of sentiment: regrets, longing, & so, so nostalgic. The love of art was apparent & beautifully on display here, & it added a richness to the whole thing. I cried several times during this from the empathy I had for both Lan Zhan's & Wei Ying's experiences (can you sense a theme with my favorites making me overly emotional? lol). The tone got heavy in places, but it didn't feel graphic or overwhelming at any point for me. The writing was just fantastic, & I've enjoyed a few more of the author's fics since I read this one.

4. i'm gonna drown when you wake up by teenjiism (E, 51,752)

Thoughts: I related to this fic on several levels because both characters are portrayed as neurodivergent in ways that felt very authentic, & I rarely see it done as well as it was here. I have ADHD, & Wei Ying's headspace felt extremely familiar, ha. Lan Zhan & Wei Ying's friendship was so lovely here, too. I adored their easy intimacy & how they were each other's favorite person before Wei Ying even realized he was in love with Lan Zhan. Oh yes, this is another fantastic oblivious Wei Ying/One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fic. The pining was perfect, & the overall sweetness of their relationship made this a very floaty/happy reading experience for me, personally.

5. Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60,318)

Thoughts: Continuing with the theme of One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again, this was a hilarious & heady fake dating scenario fic. His cluelessness reached new heights in this one, & I about died when he came up with the idea that naturally he & Lan Zhan should practice things like kissing for authenticity's sake. (Oh Wei Ying, you sweet summer child... he kills me; can you tell?) I loved how matter-of-fact Lan Zhan was about the whole thing, too. I laughed a lot during this fic. I even blushed a couple of times, too! Highly enjoyable & a must-read for me.

6. you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132,713)

Thoughts: None of the parents in this fic are doing a good job, but hey, they didn't in canon either, in my not-so-humble opinion. It's not what I focused on in the fic, but the tags certainly amused me. I haven't come across many texting fics in MDZS, so this was a pleasant & welcome surprise. The whole fic wasn't done through texting, but their text exchanges were SO CUTE. Lan Zhan texted exactly how I thought he would in this, & it made me laugh every time. The pining was lovely, & when they finally got to see each other in person again in New York I was glued to my computer until I finished the fic. I adored the tone of this one. It was great & just a really fun read.

7. and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106,435)

Thoughts: This was one of the most original modern AUs I've seen & featured competitive cultivation that had a Hunger Games meets professional figure-skating competition vibe. It was wild, but it made sense when I read it, I promise. The author was very good at fleshing out their world, & I was fascinated by the concept. Wei Ying once again failed to notice Lan Zhan was in love with him, & his confusion over their interactions never failed to entertain me. I never get tired of their dynamic, y'all, & it was just perfect here. I highly recommend this one.

8. Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay (E, 128,916)

Thoughts: Ever seen So You Think You Can Dance or Strictly Come Dancing? This was basically that but Wangxian! Wei Ying was stunning as a professional dancer being handed a socially awkward, concert violinist Lan Zhan & having to teach him to dance in front of the nation for 12 weeks, & I absolutely loved Lhan Zhan in this. He was precious. The sexual tension during some of the dances was electrifying, & watching them fall in love over the course of the filming of the show was a delight to read.

9. Two Dollar Coffee by marizousbooty (E, 145,286)

Thoughts: I almost fell out of my chair laughing because how do you acquire an accidental sugar daddy?! Well, if you read this fic, you'll find out. One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again! Yeah, it's one of my favorite AO3 tags, so sue me, lol. The sex was obviously one of the highlights, which I am known to enjoy in a fic (don't judge me, Puritans), but it certainly wasn't the only thing that was well written here. I loved everything about this from beginning to end.

10. things that make it warm by yabakuboi (E, 33,327)

Thoughts: This fic hurt my feelings, not gonna lie. I cried ugly tears at the break up, but I've always had a hard time with reconciliation fics. It was very worth it, however. The way the fic covered their relationship growing & changing over time was very compelling, & a highlight of this for me was Wei Ying's relationship with the Wens, particularly A'Yuan. It was very sweet amongst an ocean of angst, haha. I read this in the span of a couple hours. Just couldn't be torn away. If you're a sucker for angst with a happy ending, then you might want to check this one out.

Honorable Mentions

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70,972)

Thoughts: This was so heartwarming I couldn't stop smiling over how adorable it was. Kid fics aren't typically a favorite of mine, but I do enjoy a really good one every now & then. This was one of the best I've read, to be honest. A'Yuan was the sweetest little angel, & he was so cute with Wei Ying spazzing out about every aspect of his care. Lan Zhan being the quiet, responsible source of reason & support was expected but of course always a welcome addition to the mix. Accidental Baby Acquisition isn't a tag I'd seen before, but it's a new favorite when it comes to Wangxian getting to be surprise parents together, haha.

undone (the spreadsheet song) series by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 282,452)

Thoughts: This is a two part series that tells the same story from each love interest’s point of view, a la Rivals by Reiya in the YoI fandom, which is one of my favorites of all time. Similarly, this story is also phenomenally written. I was sucked in immediately & read both fics over the span of like 3 days. I actually read Lan Zhan’s POV fic (the second in the series) in a single day. I was spellbound by the whole thing, couldn’t get enough. I highly recommend this. The characterizations are incredible, & the emotions are so intense I couldn’t help but feel everything right along with each of them as the story progressed.

My only word of caution is that if you have a hard time reading about Wangxian being intimate with people other than each other you might want to skim/skip those sections of the second fic like I had to. The author makes it fairly easy by giving a heads up in the author’s notes at the beginning of each chapter in which that occurs, which I very much appreciated.

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25,470)

Thoughts: This fic started with a very serendipitous first meeting between businessman Lan Zhan & Wei Ying, who he mistook for the (non-sexual) escort he'd hired for the evening. I nearly died of mortification right along with poor Lan Zhan when he figured out his mistake. Him confessing this to Wei Ying was painfully awkward & hurt my heart, but fear not! We all know I can't handle a fic without an eventual happy ending, haha. Watching their instant connection develop into something more was such a treat. I loved this fic quite a lot for it being a quicker read for me.

Multiphonics by androkastia (E, 63,705)

Thoughts: Wei Ying was such a lovable disaster in this (as he often is, bless him). Him & Lan Zhan both being in the orchestra was a fun idea, & I loved the author's choice of the harp for Lan Zhan's instrument. I thought it was very different from the usual violin or cello choice I've seen previously but still suited him perfectly. I also loved his overall characterization, down to his fashion sense being tastefully eclectic when his style is usually portrayed as very stuffy & conservative. I really enjoyed this college/university AU, & I've read quite a few of them at this point. So obviously this one stood out.

No Compasses, No Signs by brooklinegirl (E, 36,041)

Thoughts: Ah, finally! A soulmate fic. A Temnurus rec list really wouldn't be complete without at least one. This was a modern AU, which made it especially fun when their soul bond inexplicably manifested as they literally collided with each other on the sidewalk. It was painful watching them fumble for answers to why they suddenly knew things about each other they had no way of knowing only moments before, but the sweet conclusion made it more than worth the temporary angst.

A Haunting Love by Selenay (E, 64,621)

Thoughts: This was another very unique modern with magic AU, & I was nervous because Wei Ying was a ghost haunting Lan Zhan's new house in the quiet little town he moved to in order to write his next novel. Naturally Lan Zhan became ensnared by the mystery surrounding Wei Ying's departure. This had a very romantic feel to it, intensely poetic in a way that I found very alluring. There were even thriller-esque moments towards the end of the story, so it had a bit of everything, all of it equally satisfying to read.

love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360,042)

Thoughts: This was an example of a cool MDZS-specific trope I hadn't seen before, & in it Wei Ying, the infamous Yiling Patriarch, was a cultivator who had achieved immortality (aka, he's OP as fuck but in a fun way). The great sects enlisted his help to win the Sunshot Campaign, & what did he demand in return? Lan Zhan's hand in marriage, of course! It was a fantastic slow burn in which poor Lan Zhan suffered the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband. An amazing & complex plot, chock-full of angsty goodness.

a place to hide (can't find one near) by yiqie (E, 76,091)

Thoughts: I'm giving y'all a heads up first thing that this fic pulled no punches when it came to the heavier subject matter covered in the tags & author's note. Some of the descriptions were fairly graphic, so please take care of yourselves when considering this one. That said, it was a powerful portrayal of someone suffering from mental health issues & the long & often complicated journey of healing. This one also happened to contain a love story so beautiful that I was brought to tears several times by Lan Zhan's patient & loving care for his most important person, nevermind all the times I cried at the sad parts! I found the emotional cost of those very much worth the payoff of their happy ending, which is why I just had to include this one.

Just You, Just Me (Just Us, Just We) by wincechesters (E, 19,777)

Thoughts: Lan Zhan thought his brother made him an appointment at an acupuncturist & was aghast when he discovered it was for a session with a professional cuddler instead! Enter Wei Ying, gratuitous cuddle therapy, & his usual chaotic charm. Poor Lan Zhan being so overwhelmed while also becoming hopelessly besotted made me laugh, bless his fragile little heart. This was an adorable & light-hearted fic that made me want to go back & reread it almost immediately, haha.

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63,439)

Thoughts: I absolutely loved this. It was pretty CQL (The Untamed) compliant & told the post-canon story of Wei Ying wandering alone as a rogue cultivator after the events of the show. Of course he was pining after his zhiji the entire time, so when he heard gossip that the Chief Cultivator might be married by summer's end it nearly undid him. The angst was excruciating, but at the same time, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fics somehow always manage to be fun at the same time. I've read several post-canon, wandering Wei Ying stories, & this one was particularly good.

[angie-long-legs]

//Long post alert! A little look into the mun's feelings since joining this lovely community of writers and hazbin enthusiasts! Discussions of trauma, mental health and bereavement but nothing explicit, and overall, the tone of this post is positive!

I started to rp as Angel back in March of this year, and it's honestly been such a wonderful experience. I've met so many lovely people and written brilliant stories with brilliant writers and it's been such a joy to meet you all.

I didn't have a great start to my year. I'll be completely honest, I don't entirely remember what triggered the little blip in my mental health just after Christmas (part of my mental health issues include memory problems), but from working with my therapist, we think that I was pushing a bit too hard with stuff I wasn't ready to process.

I have always been a writer. Since I was 14 I've kept a journal, I've filled notebook after notebook and it's something I've never fully stepped back from. I need to write, it's the way I process things, and it always has been. I've rped as a teenager, written fanfiction, written my own stories and poetry, and these days I focus mostly on writing music. However, I never let go of journaling. I struggle to communicate my feelings, so writing has always been my outlet.

It's also how I process trauma. And, until recently, I was working a lot with my therapist by bringing my notebook into appointments and basically processing what I'd written with him there to support me and help me untangle things that don't make sense.

Close to Christmas, I was doing some very heavy and intense writing. I pushed too hard against walls that were not steady and I collapsed. I wasn't coping well, I wasn't sleeping, I reached out for help but mental health services in this country are dire, and I wound up in a situation that hasn't been my reality in years.

Honestly, that time period still doesn't feel real to me. Which is often how bad things feel - it's part of how my brain copes.

After that, I stopped writing in my notebook. It was too much and I was scared of pushing my limits and losing control. I was pulling back in therapy, I wasn't bringing in my writing anymore.

To top it off, I lost a family member a few months later. It was foreseen and it was peaceful, but it was still painful.

I started watching Hazbin pretty soon after it came out and got absolutely swept up in Angel Dust's character. There are few characters I've felt as strongly connected to or related to as heavily him, and his story is incredibly meaningful to me. During this time period where I was too emotionally vulnerable to approach my own painful experiences, there was a cathartic release in seeing the same experiences played out in a fictional (albeit intentionally realistic) scenario that I was capable of processing.

I was pretty quick to start rping as Angel once I'd watched the show. This porn spider was begging me to write him, and I needed to write - I just needed to write in a way that didn't overwhelm me.

And it's been so incredibly beneficial for me. Not only in that it allows me to explore some of my own feelings and traumas in a safe, controlled way, but I've made such amazing friends and written in new ways I wouldn't have previously tried my hand at. I've written plots that are so silly and ridiculous, I've written darker themes, I've written comedy, angst, fluff, smut and I've adored all of it. More than just an outlet, it's a creative hobby that keeps me thinking about things I genuinely enjoy and makes me happy and has lead me to finding people that I feel lucky to have encountered in this community.

In the past month and a bit, I started telling my therapist that I've been writing on here. He pointed out the fact that I stopped writing in my notebook and started writing on here around the same time, and that it might be easier for me to write as a character than actually write as myself for the time being, and that this was a healthy way of going about it. Because I'm still writing - I'm just doing it in a way that isn't going to hurt me.

It's a very standard way of coping for me as well. I have a dissociative disorder, it's not exactly beyond the realms of belief that when coping with a difficult situation, I recede into "it's not happening to me, it's happening to them". I'm incredibly aware of this.

But, overall, I'm just glad I've found a way to cope that's so engaging and so creative. I feel like I'm learning more every time I write and pushing myself to better, and it's amazing to do something with my own ideas, spin them into something real rather than let them fester away in my brain. I'm so grateful for this community of fandom nerds and I'm so lucky to have found something so wonderful to fuel my imagination and gently nudge me in the direction of healing. I love all my friends and my mutuals, and even if we haven't interacted you can bet I'm looking at you and frothing at the mouth waiting for us to write together. I feel so full of appreciation every time I come on here that people even want to write with my silly little portrayal.

Thank you for making this such a rewarding experience for me. I love you all 🩷

[fruitysalamander1398]

Fanfic Writer Questions

thank you for the tag @cinehomophile !💜💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

38

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

84,620

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mainly the deer hunter and mean streets, but i have also written godfather fic in the past (which has since been deleted bc i didn't think it was very good lol). i've also written fic for parting glances (1986) and probably other things i can't remember but yeah.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. don't ask me to be lonely https://archiveofourown.org/works/45806962

2. oh, pretty baby https://archiveofourown.org/works/47108557

3. my boy https://archiveofourown.org/works/49263451

4. you're just too good to be true https://archiveofourown.org/works/46031446

5. moonlight lover https://archiveofourown.org/works/49926586

5. do you respond to comments?

usually i message the person privately bc for some reason it makes me a little anxious but sometimes i do! i love getting comments so i try to get back to everyone.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think it would have to be point of no return: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45937063 bc the literal whole point is that it's a death scene of johnny.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have lots of happy ending deer hunter fluff / hurt/comfort but i think the happiest one is probably my beloved strawberry https://archiveofourown.org/works/46815451 in which mike and nick get a cat<3

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully no, but oddly enough i have gotten hate on uquiz before and people suicide baiting me on uquiz seems like a pretty unique experience lmao so lmk if it's happened to you as well.

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

okay so this might sound dumb but i don't know what actually qualifies as smut like are all sex scenes counted as smut? or is it like more graphic / strictly horny lmao. in any case yes i have and do write sex scenes, mainly really tender and romantic sex.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you have written?

i haven't personally wrote one but me and @cinehomophile had an idea for one which he is working on and we both kinda co-authored the general concept of. i shan't say more.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

no!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not translated but i've had many podfics made of my work by the lovely dmitri!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! i co wrote with my incredible boyfriend @ulyssesgays1995 a few times and also with @cinehomophile !!

14. what's your all time favorite ship?

this will surprise no one but it has to be mike and nick from the deer hunter. they mean so much to me.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

never say never lol. i have a few shorter wips stowed away rn but i plan to finish them i think!

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i'm good at hurt/comfort and examining the deep pain of a character but then bringing them to a place of healing with the support of their partner.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i can never plan out a plot ahead of time i just go in with a vague idea and see where it takes me. sometimes it works out great but i wish i could formulate my ideas more clearly sometimes bc sometimes they feel overwhelming.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

it's so cool! i have never personally done it but i would love to try.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

it would've been something when i was REALLY young probably like anne of green gables if i had to guess.

20. favorite fic you've written?

without a doubt, my deer hunter sex work au oh pretty baby https://archiveofourown.org/works/47108557 it holds such a special place in my heart and writing it was extremely cathartic from me. tw for sexual abuse in this fic and in my answer to this question but writing the fic was a way for me to process and emotionally externalize my own experience as a victim of sexual abuse.

on that note, thanks to anyone who has ever read my fics, in both their developmental and final stages. (like @fredoesque who i have sent many a wip to.) i love you all and i love writing. can't wait to keep posting my work!!

i tag @melis-writes @meme-streets @rosesloveletters @mr-snailman 💜 no pressure if not ofc.

[shadowquill17]

hey hey hey hey, 3, 30, 28, 29, 30 for the a03 wrapped plzzzzzz

Babe oh my god you're so hot for asking me all of this... ❤️💕❤️💕❤️

3) What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Answered here!

23) Did you do any collaborative works this year?

(You asked about 30 twice so I just chose another question with a 3 in it. 😘)

I haven't written with anyone per se (outside of the beta-reading and brainstorming I do with @lolotr ❤️), BUT I've written a couple works inspired by and based on other people's fanart and/or ideas! I had never done before this year so that was huge for me, and I think it can count as kind of collaborative?

1) one sword, two hearts

Was inspired by this gorgeous piece of fanart by @hannaloony, and had to immediately write a fic! We love a good angsty stabbing sesh in this house. 😜

2) head in the clouds but my gravity's centered

This was based on this post by @tragedy-machine, who was thinking about Charles touching Edwin's face a lot more after Hell, and I was grabbed by the concept and it didn't let go until I had written about it. 😅

3) pinch me (I don't want this to be a dream)

Charles seeing Edwin's desires after putting on a pair of magical glasses? Sign me the FUCK up. Thank you so much @technically-human for thinking of it and drawing it! ❤️💕

28) Favorite work you wrote this year?

I'm supposed to choose ONE? Fuck that, you're getting five.

Like I said in another post, I've got a real soft spot for my DBD vampire fic your fangs in my neck (like an anchor like a vow). I didn't think it would be anything and then I started writing it and I was SO into it. And I honestly thought no one would read it, it was just for me... but you guys liked it! A big win for self-indulgent impulses.

My fic to the pain is also one of my absolute favorite things I've ever written in any fandom. It's tragic and painful and then obsessive and romantic and cathartic (I hope). I'm just obsessed with it tbh.

skirts maketh man is also one of my favorites, just because it was so incredibly fun to write. I mean, I was not PLANNING on having so much smut in the third chapter? But goddamn, it was so fun to write it. 😜

I've been obsessed with the idea for so I try to talk refined since I first thought of it. I love that fic. Would love to write it the way it's in my head someday.

I was really surprised to like babe, hold my flower so much once I finished it, because I really struggled with it, especially near the end? Figuring out that structure was a PAIN, but I am just so happy with the result. And it now has a Christmas-themed prequel! ❄️🥰

Also special shout-out to my Heartstopper fic sweet as summer, bright as the sun, featuring Nick and Charlie in Menorca. I'd been working on it for SO LONG and I finally cleaned it up and posted it and I'm SO GLAD I did. It looks a little different from what I had first imagined, but I think it's a lovely little fic.

29) Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Answered here, but also I do not mind sharing another passage that I really liked...

From so full of love I could barely eat (lowkey spoiler?):

[Edwin] takes a step closer, until he’s so close Charles can see every single one of his eyelashes, and he puts both his hands on Charles’ face, palms cradling his jaw, thumbs settling softly against his cheeks. His hands are warm, his eyes are dark and serious, but his mouth looks so bloody soft, and Charles feels the silent symphony of his ghost heart skip several beats.  “I am not in love with you because you’re safe,” Edwin says fiercely. “I’m in love because you’re kind and clever and funny and brave, and—actually, I’m not even sure there’s a reason, or rather there are millions of them, that all boil down to the fact that I love you because you’re you. And yes, you do make me feel safe, and you are trustworthy, but that doesn’t mean loving you was ever something I did just to keep my thoughts occupied. I’m in love with you because you’re a wonder, Charles Rowland. You are the best friend I could ever have, and simply being with you makes me happier than I ever thought possible. So if that’s anything like what you feel for me—” “It is,” Charles croaks out. “It is.”

30) Biggest surprise while writing this year?

You know it has to be THIS FUCKING FANDOM. I was not expecting to fall in love with two little ghost detectives, and I was most certainly NOT expecting you all, your kindness, your enthusiasm, your creativity, your dedication, your generosity! I'm so glad to be here with you, it's an absolute HONOR. 😭❤️💕💖❤️

ao3 wrapped: ask me about my year of writing fanfiction!

[wubbybubbly]

aww gumshoe’s trying to stand up for him…

also, I do like that edgeworth’s past corruption isn’t just being swept under the rug here. like, I do agree with him to some extent that eddie’s anger is understandable. regardless of his troubled past, edgeworth was a snake and I think it’s important to acknowledge his darker side. he hurt people. he was a cog in a machine that kept a broken system alive. however, as I pointed out in my last post, it bothers me when characters like eddie straight up demonize edgeworth for it. mini rant under the cut.

edgeworth’s reasons for becoming a prosecutor were incredibly nuanced. even during his early career, he was never a cookie cutter Bad Guy. so defining his “demon attorney” days solely by his connection to von karma (i.e. his pursuit of a perfect win record) is plain wrong. his motivation to prosecute was shaped by the tragedy he went through.

idk, I just think saying something like “I’m still angry at you for what you’ve done, but I understand that you were in pain and going through something I can’t comprehend” is really important, especially for someone like edgeworth. again, he was a fucking child. he didn’t become the “demon attorney” out of nowhere. he was trapped in a self-destructive cycle of guilt for over a decade. something that manfred, his mentor, had the power to alleviate at any time. but instead, he deliberately withheld the truth from the tormented boy, and miles had no idea of that power until he was in the defendant’s chair.

(it’s even sadder when you remember that edgeworth says in turnabout goodbyes, “if I had known the truth, I might have become a defense attorney after all.” what the fuckkkkk I’m killing manfred as we speak!!!!!!)

you can hold someone accountable for their actions without treating them like they’re satan incarnate. I actually find this flaw of eddie’s to be compelling, and I get why he’s not in the right headspace to see beyond his own anger and consider how gregory’s death affected his own son. like, I know that eddie isn’t privy to the information that the player is, so it’s unfair to criticize him for not acknowledging what edgeworth’s motivation to prosecute was. because he didn’t know anything. for me, it’s the fact that he doesn’t even try to understand that really bugs. he just jumps to conclusions and doesn’t think twice about how that might affect edgeworth. he has no idea what he’s talking about. flippantly throwing the name von karma around and making comparisons between them is certainly A Choice. it’s a very messy situation, and I know I sound angry, but I do love the writing here. it’s cathartic for eddie to lash out at edgeworth, and it’s selfish, just like how edgeworth himself used to be. and eddie has NO idea how similar they are in that regard, which is so juicy to me.

I’m excited to see where eddie’s character goes from here, but I’m still pissed at him for handling the situation horribly, lol. there’s a right and wrong way to criticize someone. eddie calling edgeworth out is fine, but he has to be accurate about it. or at the very least, acknowledge that he doesn’t know the full story. his feelings are valid, but they’re also self-centered. multiple things can be true at once.

I’ve been saying this ever since I played the trilogy, but edgeworth is someone who desperately needs to be told “I see you. I hear you. I acknowledge you” instead of “hey remember when you used to be evil” like THE WHOLE POINT is that he’s a human being too, gumshoe is literally the only person who points that out. edgeworth was abhorrent, but he was also in pain.

[spurious]

even more mcshep fic recs

I slowed slightly down on reading due to writing many many words in a mad frenzy lately, but I do still have some recs! My fic rec selection process is just putting a tag in my daily note on obsidian with a link to the fic and my thoughts so I can find them later, and now I'm looking at what I've got and it's like...very evident that I spent some quality time in the whump tag in early May, so. be warned lmao

1)

No Place Like Home by Argosy | ~10k, rated T

An Ancient device gives John unexpected (and unwelcome) insight into the relationships of Johns and Rodneys across the multiverse.

I generally enjoy the “John and Rodney in other universes” trope in fics, and this one handled it in a way I haven’t seen before but really enjoyed. I want to say more but I think it’s better to let it unfold without knowing what’s going to go down, so. Some good John!pining, a dash of funny and a heaping helping of feels made this an absolutely delightful read for an evening!

2)

Scissors by @shetiger | ~4k, rated E

John has a no good, very bad day.

Uhhh warning for graphic torture? Honestly I just really love the way this drills down on both John and Rodney’s reactions, the horrible romance of it all. Idk man, if you're like me and find awful violent shit weirdly comforting sometimes, highly recommend?

3)

I Believe by Brumeier | ~1.5k, rated T

Rodney folded once under torture, he refuses to do it again. Not when so many lives are at stake.

THIS QUOTE: He doesn't believe in God. But he does believe in John Sheppard.

This is EVERYTHING to me.

4)

A Stranger, Half Asleep Still, Just Beginning to Remember by zabbers | ~10k, rated E

It's been twelve years, and the last person Rodney expected to rescue him from an unexpected kidnapping is John Sheppard.

This is the best kind of bittersweet, quietly devastating, beautifully cathartic angst with a happy ending. Absolutely loved reading it, a+ would cry again. The way time has battered them both, the sadness, and also an absolutely amazingly charged shaving scene!!!! ahhhhhh

5)

Comfort Break by @salchat | ~5k words, rated T

On the usual mission-gone-wrong, John and Rodney are hiding in a ruined house. John is hurt and being overly stoic about it as usual and Rodney wants John to admit to being in pain and accept his help. They talk.

This is just absolutely beautiful. I love John's dialogue in this, how stilted he is when trying to open up, it really feels so true to him. And Rodney's inner monologue, how he looks at the problem in his perfectly Rodney way and comes up with just a wonderful solution...so incredibly satisfying to read, so very very comforting.

[mcalhenwrites]

This might read a bit weird, since it was meant to be the ending author’s note on Seasons.

It does get a bit personal, so please be aware of that.

Okay, here goes:

Thank you for reading, especially if you finished Seasons. Thank you for liking my writing. Thank you for making me feel like it was at least worth something. I appreciate all the asks people sent on tumblr, too!

More than ever, comments would be appreciated on this final chapter. Even if it’s just emojis and such. :’)

Feel free to skip the rest of this author’s note if you wish. I just want to share some of my process with this story.

When I first started Seasons, I wanted to capture many painful feelings and events, as well as the exasperation of dealing with a never-ending, unpleasant cycle. This story isn’t merely a reflection of some of my own experiences; it includes things I’ve witnessed or complicated what-ifs. I already had a clear idea of Vivian in my head since summer of 2022, as I was finishing up another story called Rascal, and he was pieced together from previous ideas I’ve had over the years. Some other concepts were taken from a story I started in 2008, although the children were kidnapped to become part of the family. (Which would certainly add to some of the horror, but that’s not what I wanted for Seasons.)

I had a lot of vague story lines to work with. Some changed or were rejected. But the general idea was: What would it be like if—day in and day out, for centuries—you were living under the control of your parents? Would you be satisfied with a routine in a household you could never leave? Would you not wish for stimulation and relationships and new experiences?

It sounds incredibly monotonous. Hellish.

Immortality is always an intriguing subject to me. There’s so much to learn, so many books and video games I’ll never get to before I die. But there would be downsides, too. Especially if you’re trapped. Society’s ableism and increasing gap between the rich and the poor has left me trapped currently, and the years keep going. But mine will someday end. I fear I’ll never be able to get away from my family or afford a house or adopt cats by the time I run out of years.

Seasons expanded upon some of those thought trains about immortality. What if your growth is quashed, but you live a long time?

Also, regarding Bee: What if your parents are supportive of queer identities and are queer themselves, but you’ve been so abused that you still can’t trust them? Poor Bee never felt safe enough to approach the topic. (This isn’t why he uses he/him—he shrugs when people ask what his pronouns are and says they can use any pronouns, but he’ll use he/him and people often just adopt that. A lot of his personal journey and self-exploration happens after ch 89/before the epilogue.)

It was interesting to explore the atrocities of a perpetually abusive childhood. While Seasons is not a horror story, it shares a lot of elements with the genre. Horror can be a cathartic genre for many trauma victims. And what works for one person might be triggering to another. The events of this story might resonate with some people and upset others.

I will confess that much of the pain written in this story is my own. That’s why I wrote this, for my own catharsis. Why I always go back to stories exploring trauma and abuse.

After all the horrors my characters endured, I wanted to see some of their lives improve, even if only incrementally. Living through the past few years in the USA has made me more and more inclined to go for either happy endings or bittersweet ones as both a writer and reader. If everything works out, however, I go, “Sounds fake, but okay!”

I wanted to go for something bittersweet this time. Various levels of progress were made with most of the characters. Phineas and his orchard may be an unrealistic rescue mission spawned from my own fantasies of escape, but this is fiction so I’m allowed a bit of absurdity as a treat.

What matters is that the five Liddell children I started with were able to take the steps they needed to heal and grow. They’ll keep growing in my imagination, well beyond the confines of this story.

I know this conclusion may not satisfy everyone who reads Seasons, but that’s how stories go sometimes. I’ve hated so many endings from media I loved.

I have no current plans to write a sequel. I have a few short stories ideas for Seasons, and none of them are about the sixth Liddell Season. I’d love to explore more about the characters who’ve been along for most of this journey already in side stories.

But it’s also time for me to give some attention to many of my other novels! All of them were put on hold because Seasons held my brain hostage and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, day in and day out, for several months. :’)

I started this story by posting it anonymously. There’s a lot of harassment online, and it seems to be increasing. I am a “spanko” (even if I’m not sure how I feel about that word), but how I discovered that wasn’t favorable. Some of my stories celebrate overcoming that and embracing the kink. Others handle the traumatic, abusive aspects.

Even if I could afford therapy, it’s still good for me to talk about these themes. Although it’s natural to hope that others haven’t been through the same shit I have, it’s also nice to connect with others who understand exactly what I’m expressing.

That is why people share, isn’t it? Writing for oneself will always be important, but it’s not wrong to want to connect with anyone. It’s up to a writer if they want to share or keep what they write to themselves. They shouldn’t refrain because the story is “too dark and nasty” or “not appropriate for children”, nor should they feel obligated to share when they’re not comfortable doing so.

I did fear this story would sink my (currently non-existent) writing career if I put my name to it, but I felt brave after the kind reception and decided it was worth a chance. I told the story I wanted to, even if it’s imperfect in parts, and it helped me feel a bit more courageous and less ashamed about my trauma.

I don’t know if it did anything for anyone else. If it did, I’m glad. But also, I’m equally sorry if you have experiences that align enough for the themes of this story to resonate with you.

I’ll keep writing stories, some with spanking and some without, some of them kinky and others like Seasons will only allude to it being one character’s kink later on. :’)

If this is where we part, have fun and thanks for taking the time to read this story!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

it's me, hi! i'm the anon for last night, it's me!

i think i should use an emoji to identify myself

so, again you were very spot on! as you elaborated perfectly: unfortunately most of the time these partners don't even do this on purpose, it's usually a consequence of this habit of most men always thinking that the woman will solve everything, of being used to having their needs always be taken care of and are catered to. in simply being used to not thinking too much about this kind of thing. and this custom is only broken if the man has some form of will and motivation to try to change and really try to help his partner, whether in emotional or domestic issues, being willing to live as a team where one helps the other. but as you mentioned, most of the time that's not what happens

as for adulthood: exactly! everything is kind of a mess. and I also have a close friend who ended an engagement and was very embarrassed by the situation, in her case, the relationship was already full of problems, she said yes to the propouse but after a few month she realized it wasn't right. they had been dating for a few years, she had even moved to another country with him because of his work, it's a very long story lol.

but anyway, what I also find interesting is that all the situations you mentioned are so common, but when we are going through them we feel so alone. Some women are embarrassed to tell their friends about these problems while things are still being resolved with their partners, some only tell them many years later (I know cases of some women who were betrayed during the relationship, but decided to stay with their partners for a while, so they omitted this issue from some friends). like, we know that adult life is very chaotic and surely know someone (or will you eventually find out) that has been through the same thing as you, but when everything is going on it's normal to feel a little alone too.

lastly, taking advantage of your references to peter and ylm, I wanted to say that I really admire taylor for talking about this, I know it was expected, but sometimes I think it must be very difficult to deal with such a sensitive and vulnerable subject with thousands of people. sometimes I see some people commenting that they thought she made everything too blurry, but to be honest I think that's normal, I think the way she was able to share it all with us was the limit she could go at that moment and I already I think she's very brave. I think we in our late 20s or early 30s can pick up what she's putting down.

Hi anon! Welcome back!

“What I also find interesting is that all the situations you mentioned are so common, but when we are going through them we feel so alone” this is so, so, so true, and tbh I feel might be a big reason why Taylor decided to release TTPD the way she did and when she did, and I think being able to perform it on tour has been so gratifying and liberating.

I’ll tell you that in my friend’s case with the broken engagement, she was incredibly private about their problems — and this is someone I’ve been friends with nearly my entire life. My spidey senses picked up that something was going on with her after a particular day hanging out at their house, but when I gently pressed my friend chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters. So I gave her grace to speak about it how she wanted but just continued to support her as best I could. It wasn’t until the aforementioned bathroom floor breakdown that everything spilled out and I found out what was going on and how bad a place she was in. After it came out, I think it finally gave her strength to understand what she needed to do and do it, as painful and embarrassing and sad as it all felt at the time.

So I really do think Taylor writing and releasing music about it, more or less in real time, is her own way of doing that, and she’s said as much on tour about how cathartic and healing it is. It took a lot of guts to write the album, plan its release in the middle of a global tour and rejig an entire set list to fit it in and get that catharsis every night on stage. And I think about how many stories I’ve seen on here and other platforms in the last three months of people relating hard to the song and having their own Smallest Man or So Long London moment in their lives and I think that’s very much part of Taylor’s intention with the album. All at once the ink bleeds.

I love TTPD. Like, unabashedly and completely. I love how long The Anthology is and there are few, if any, skips on the album for me. And even if there were, I’d still respect Taylor’s right to release such a length album because a) she can and should do whatever the fuck she wants and b) I truly feel every one of those songs had to come out of her and each one says something about what she’s gone through and what she’s processed in the past year. I know people feel like the album needed more editing or whatever, maybe there’s an argument there from a commercial or production point of view, but like I said, I think every song relays an experience from her life, either literally or metaphorically, that she felt she wanted out in the world so people know and understand her.

This isn’t directed at you at all, but I can’t take any argument against her making the muses too “blurry” seriously whatsoever. IT’S HER WRITING AND SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. She doesn’t owe anyone a verbatim telling of her life, and art takes on so many forms. No one would demand an explanation from any other artist over the inspiration for their work, and Taylor shouldn’t be expected to either. Maybe songs are about one person, maybe they’re about five, maybe they’re about no one and from her imagination, but regardless of the inspiration, it’s all her. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, after all, lol. But in all seriousness, this is songwriting, and while we know Taylor writes from her own experiences, and we are lucky to be able to take those stories and use them to gain insight into her as a person, she is within her right to share as much or as little as she wants. All she does is release her music, and now it’s up to everyone else to take it forward. It’s incredibly brave and generous of her as an artist and I wish she got more credit for it, but ultimately she’s getting the last laugh.

Luckily, I feel like it’s pretty easy to pick up what she’s putting down, and I’m glad we have this art to reference when speaking about situations like these.

[omgmussimm]

hello!! i just read the whole The Profane Comedy series in less than a day so i dont even know my name BUT tabula rasa honestly blew me away! It was the best pain one could feel, truly worth the sleepless night, thank you so much for na amazing work of art, i cannot put into words how pretty it trully is. The story as a whole is incredible, i love how the smiles and flowers made their way back, amazing simbolism for them.

Thank you so much! It's been so long I almost forget how much I liked writing that story and really getting into the meat of pain and trauma and how cathartic it was to write the recovery, with the smiles and flowers of course. I'm not sure if you're the same person who has been bombarding my inbox with message but I assume so, so thank you so much for that too. Love is real and we're all going to make it.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

140. Club Dead by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in 2023!

Screw you, Bill. That's my main takeaway from this one again--my feelings on him being a crap boyfriend remain intact.

I also appreciated Sookie talking about money and how hard it has been for her to keep going and making ends meet. It's weirdly cathartic, especially when we compare the difference of how financially difficult life was in comparison to the financial difficulties of today. But also because I think a lot of the time, in these books (at least in the past), we focus so much on the relationships and the will-they/won't-they themes that we don't focus on the general lives of the characters. I'm excited to see what else comes Sookie's way! So glad I'm doing this re-read!

___

141. Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Beyond the romantic idea that Sanderson essentially wrote this for his wife, this was such a fun and clever story full of adventure and hilarious moments. I enjoyed this so much more than I was expecting to, but I shouldn't have doubted because Sanderson's writing always scratches that one little fantasy itch you never knew was waiting to be scratched.

I loved the characters and how they all came together for this memorable adventure. Especially the narrator and how they spoke to us despite their current self not...being the way we expected them to be.

Also, my favourite and obvious theme was how it is a young woman who essentially saves the day. Sanderson's wife supposedly commented on how Buttercup didn't really do much to save her man in THE PRINCESS BRIDE, and I was curious to see what a more modern-day adaptation might look like. I wasn't disappointed because his mc is a badass who did all she could to save the love of her life.

While there were definitely some slower moments in the story, the dialogue and witty commentary will surely bring you back! Highly recommend it to anyone who wants a surprisingly humorous adventure set on another planet's oceans full of unexpected dangers.

___

142. The Encounter by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am genuinely enjoying the heck out of this series!

THE ENCOUNTER is from the perspective of the one kid whose unfortunate actions in book one changed his life forever. Keeping that in mind made this book so incredibly heartbreaking. There's obviously the pain of missing what his reality once was, but seeing his fight to keep the past part of him alive despite his life changing so much made me hurt so much for him. I think his actions during this book were perfectly suited to his age, because he is, after all, just a child.

I really hope we see a better outcome for him in the future. My heart aches knowing that he is the cautionary tale for the other kids in the group.

Yes, these books are fun and full of adventure and I love that they are actually meant to be read in order. But I think that in between those suspenseful moments, the reader needs to remember that these are kids fighting a very non-kid friendly war.

___

143. I Survived the Sinking of the Titanic, 1912 by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As a bookstore employee, I'm enjoying reading these books because I can give better explanations to my younger customers! Also, these are just really fun bite-sized reads.

The titanic was a massive tragedy, so it was interesting to see it from the perspective of a child who had a better chance of actually surviving the sinking (a wealthy child). It made me think of a very, very condensed version of REFUGEE.

If you want a quick and eye-opening snack of history, I'd recommend this series!

___

144. Monster Blood by R.L. Stine--⭐️⭐️

I don't even know anymore. LOL this book was something. Not the worst I've read in the GOOSEBUMPS series, but I do wish it had a bit more character development because, honestly, is it normal for kids who have just met to trust each other so thoroughly in the case of human-eating slime? Would you, as a precocious child, put your life in danger for the random kid you literally just met?

This is why I should have read these as a child. As an adult, my stranger danger alarms are just shining bright like a diamond.

___

145. Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this book with way too many expectations and that's my fault. I expected a gory and disturbing horror story set in a camp, what I got was a deeply disturbing exploration of the toxic world of cult-like religion that sent gay teens and young adults to Camp Damascus so they could be "cured" by any means possible...even if those means may be out of this world.

The book had it's moments of spook and legitimate chills because some of the language is deeply disturbing. Massive trigger warning for anyone who has trauma related to a religious upbringing. I wasn't raised in this way and I was deeply disturbed.

I wish I'd gone in with no expectations because I think I might have enjoyed it more. Was it fun? Absolutely! But I was very sad to see that it wasn't the setting I was hoping for. I know that a lot of other people will enjoy this book way more, and honestly that makes me happy!

That ending was great though--the explosion of build-up from the rest of the book was well worth the wait!

___

146. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There are only a few books where I can say I related a little too much to the main characters. Usually, it's books exploring my immigrant background, or growing up plus-sized, but this is the first time I've read a LGBTQ+ book where I related so much to the mc and her journey to understanding her sexuality and who she is as a person.

I grew up surrounded by heteronormativity. Any moment in my childhood where I was one step away from realizing my sexuality, something or someone was there to remind me that I can't stray too far. I had a friend who wasn't the greatest of allies and I still believe that set me back a million years. Coming to terms with who I am in my late 20's and early 30's was a massive mind-fuck. Suddenly, I started thinking about all of the signs and moments I ignored so I could stay in my little bubble. Reading IMOGEN, OBVIOUSLY by Becky Albertalli was like having a mirror put up to my face with a character yelling, "I told you so" (and plot twist, that character yelling is my younger self who always argued against me hiding my truth.)

Imogen, the mc, has a friend in this book who is the personification of doubts a new member of the LGBTQ+ community may feel when they finally let themselves step out of the closet. "Am I queer enough? Do I have a right to be queer when I haven't experienced half of the things other people in the community have experienced?" This friendship was toxic and a reminder that every community has its darker side. I wanted to hug Imogen for the doubts this friend seeded in her. But I wanted to celebrate her childhood friend who helped her understand that she is valid.

Yes, there is an incredibly adorable (and quick) romance in this one, but I think more than that, what needs to be celebrated is the support of non-toxic friends, and the personal growth Imogen experienced despite the storm brewing inside of her.

This book was difficult to read because of how incredibly relatable it was and because I know this is also something Albertalli wrote from her own experiences. I often worry about what others think of me when I approach the topic of being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and thankfully, I have some amazing friends who help support me. But I can't help but think of the other kids or younger adults who don't have that support, or guidance. This book could genuinely help so many questioning readers.

Through quick, witty, personable, and deeply emotional writing, Albertalli has created a novel that I recommend to everyone--whether they're a part of the community or an ally. Words and assumptions have more power than a lot of people seem to think.

___

147. Far From True by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As always, Linwood Barclay entertained me and kept me hooked. I'm always amazed by the twist and turns and the moments where my jaw genuinely drops because of the reveals.

I'll hopefully be reading the third one in the series soon--I'm curious to see why 23 is so important and who is behind it all! I'm totally reading this series out of order, but book four thankfully didn't spoil it for me!

Onto the next one!

___

Have you read any of these? What are your thoughts?

___

Happy reading!

[kkami-writes]

HI OP HI KAIA I just finished bingeing literally everything that is out rn in the waiting for us series and. I have to start by saying im so sorry for spamming ur notifs

I HOPE U CAN FORGIVE ME I AM SO SORRY BUT IT'S 1AM RN AND I JUST DISCOVERED THIS SERIES AND I LOVE IT TO DEATH

the premise alone had me so so hooked but I absolutely ADORE the social media format?? like the combination of texts/tweets/writing is actually so genius to me like it is such a creative and engaging way to tell the story and I absolutely fucking love u for it <3

MIO MY HEART ACHES FOR MIO I WANT HER BROTHER (AND PARENTS??) TO DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH SO SHE CAN JUST BE HAPPY FOREVER W HER 8 SOULMATES ALREADY :(

the amount of angst in this series I love sm. when seung was texting hyunjin about mio?? broke me. I am so not okay I almost cried real tears at that chapter like how dare u do that to my fragile little heart (/pos !!!) I also noticed u being super considerate with your sh tw for that one chapter, a lot of authors don't rly do that so thank u for that tldr at the end I love u and u deserve a kiss on the forehead

aside from the angst I absolutely adore the crack humor and fluff in this series LMAO <333 I just can't describe it but waiting for us!skz is just. so skz. like it is so them I have no idea how u managed to put their exact entire beings into these texts and tweets but u did and it's incredible and I'm so immersed in the series I love u sm

ANYWAYS I'm so sorry for the entire essay... if u didn't read this and u end up blocking me for spamming ur notifs sm I understand BUT I HOPE U KNOW I LOVE THIS SERIES SOOO MUCH <33 idk how the taglist works bc I think it said 50/50 but? please tag me in future updates if you're still open to adding people!! I can't tell u again how much I adore this series and how invested in it I ammmm thank u for your incredible writing op!!! <333

- heather <3

haha omg. I don’t mind the spam!!! i’m goad you’re loving it. the social media format has definitely been my favorite since I discovered it!! I’ve always enjoyed writing dialogue more than anything so texts are a great way to do that.

I accidentally made seungmin a little too angsty but!! he’s just a lil tsundere who’s kinda afraid of his feelings because he feels them so strongly and so intensely. there’s definitely a little more to his backstory that you guys can look forward to 🤭

of course!! tws are super important to me as someone who is easily triggered by things. I had wrote mio/yn as someone who struggles a lot because as someone who deals with depression and chronic anxiety, writing about it and having someone be comforted by it is really cathartic. I know it’s not for everyone and that’s ok!! I have much more less angst fic ideas too.

AAAAA thank you so much!! as a baby stay I’m really glad people enjoy my characterization of skz! I’ve been binge watching a lot of content and I was worried about writing them in the beginning because I am a baby stay but i’m very happy 🩷

don’t worry!!! I absolutely LOVE your long message and kind words!

right now the taglist is full but i’ll put you on the waitlist! thank you so much for enjoying waiting for us! this fic is my baby tbh.