#but with less alterations to his outfit (though I could probably change that up too. maybe i'll use one of his concept designs)

[gamebunny-advance]

Hm.

I don't usually talk about the things about Kliff that actually annoy me because my primary goal is to increase Kliff appreciation, but something I kinda don't like is that his palette basically has every color of the rainbow in it.

Not that I have anything against rainbows and he makes it work, but it makes doing anything "minimal" with him difficult.

[welldonebeca]

It's a Bad Idea, right? (19)

WC: 2k words Warnings: Tension. Fluff. Proposals.

"Stop moving," Betty grumbled, her fingers deftly working to place the pin in the perfect spot.

Wanda wanted to wear a new skirt and it was gorgeous, shiny, sexy… and a little bit too big.

Vision – yes, that was his nickname and it was weird - had texted her after Steffan said goodnight and left to go home, when Wanda was in the shower.

Betty already knew this wasn’t a common double-date, but his text was what set it in stone for her. He was going to propose. Which was why Betty was trying to be the best best friend she could be tonight.

She took Wanda to get her nails done, helped her pick out her outfit and pretended to be excited about it being the first time they were having a double date since becoming friends.

That was how little Betty dated, yes.

“Maybe I should wear something else,” Wanda pondered.

Vision had given her that skirt. It was poetic that she wore it.

“Bullshit,” she finished pining it. “I can fix this in five minutes.”

Betty unzipped her skirt and pulled it down carefully, moving to her sewing machine.

"Go do your makeup," she shooed Wanda away. "I'll be done by the time you're back."

Wanda walked off and Betty was quick to get to the sewing. She’d finished a full dress in two hours once, this wasn’t hard.

She really missed working with sewing, waiting tables wasn’t her dream.

When Wanda returned, the altered skirt looked fantastic on her.

"I'm almost ready," Betty told her. "I just need to find my shoes and check on Steffan. Are you sure it's fine if I ride with you and Vision?"

Steffan was still on his way from Manhattan and wouldn’t be able to drive her to the restaurant, so he wouldn’t be able to pick her up and take her to the restaurant together.

“It’s fine,” she assured her. “We are going to the same place.”

Betty put on her dress quickly, zipping it up and adjusting her hair quickly, fishing for her phone as she tried to find her shoes.

Where the hell were her heels?

Her fingers moved quickly over the screen after Steffan’s photo of traffic, though not quite looking at it at the point she had to type Vision’s name. The dude had a really weird name.

‘Hey, when you arrive, tell the hostess you’re joining the table with Vesper Stark’.

She saw the status changing to read before locking the phone again and moving to get her shoes from under the bed.

When she got her phone back, Steffan still hadn’t answered her text, which was a little bit weird but not that much. He was driving, after all.

Vision knocked on their door just as Betty finished dressing and she walked to the living room to see Wanda coming in with a bouquet of red dahlias, her favourite.

"Betty," he greeted. "Good evening."

“Evening,” she responded with a warm smile.

Vision was rich – more than rich, he was a billionaire nepo baby.

His father, Tony Stark, was a billionaire, philanthropist and reality star. He really liked the internet and people’s attention.

Vision was the stark – no pun intended – difference of him, discreet and quiet, never flaunting his money and status. He even worked in a real job – probably because his mother was never married to his father and had way less money and advantages in life. Doctor Banner was a really lovely woman, very smart and accomplished as a scientist, and Wanda really liked her.

Oh, he looked so nervous and antsy, Betty really hoped he would not let the secret out before the right time.

Wanda placed her flowers in a vase and turned to them, collecting her purse.

"Let’s go," she said. "We don’t want to be late."

Betty was a bit unease when she got to the car at the lack of an answer, but tried to hide it as she thanked Vision when he opened the door for her to get into the car before doing the same to Wanda.

Maybe she should call Steffan?

No, he had texted her just 15 minutes ago with the traffic. New York wasn’t too friendly to drive in a car these days, there were too many people trying to get around and thinking they were the only ones who had a place to be.

“What’s wrong?” Wanda buckled her seatbelt.

Betty forced herself to not look as worried as she was.

“Nothing,” she buckled her belt. “Just trying to check on Steffan, that’s all.”

An uneasy knot tightened in her stomach as she picked at the hem of her dress, her concern growing with each passing moment, but she tried to keep a light face and herself from worrying too much, checking her texts for Steffan, but there was nothing new to check on.

Texting more wouldn’t make a difference. If he had seen her text then he knew she had texted him!

But when by the second curve of the car, her stomach was in a twist.

Steffan never saw a text without answering it, even if with a little heart!

So she gave in, and called him. And she waited for him to pick up.

Was he alright? Had anything happened?

Maybe it was an emergency.

Did paramedics pick up calls during emergencies?

But no one picked up the call.

"He's probably caught up in traffic," Wanda spoke from her seat. "Don't worry too much. He'll join us soon."

Betty picked up at her nail, but stopped.

Stupid nail polish.

Vision parked, at last, and Wanda seemed confused.

“Veronika? I thought we were going to Bamonte’s,” she looked at him and then at Betty through the rear-view mirror. “Vision, Betty!”

Well, Veronika wasn’t exactly in her usually price range.

“It’s fine,” Betty assured her quickly. “I got some extra tips these last days. Don’t worry about me.”

Vision stopped the car, and a valet came to take it while Wanda was still looking at him like he was mad. It was adorable. Betty would have giggled if she wasn’t so worried.

The hostess took them to a table, and just as they sat down, her phone rang.

Steffan!

Betty picked it up without a second to spare or caring about her flaky phone cover in the most upscale restaurant she had even been to in her life.

“Hello?”

“Liebchen,” he exhaled, sounding relieved. “I’m so sorry.”

Her heart tightened in her chest.

Oh no.

Something had happened.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

But he didn’t let her worry fester.

“My car broke down,” Steffan told her quickly. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

She exhaled, feeling her body relaxed.

Oh, God. It was just his car!

“Oh, thank goodness,” she put a hand over her heart.

Wanda and Vision looked right at her, and her friend leaned a little closer to listen in.

“I’m so sorry for not answering sooner, I was trying to fix it,” Steffan explained. “I just called insurance, they said they’ll take 30 to 40 minutes to get here. I won’t make it to the restaurant, I’m sorry.”

Betty's tension eased. Okay, alright.

That was alright. As long as he was safe.

“Of course!” she confirmed. “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

Steffan hummed on the other end, his uncertainty palpable.

“I’m really sorry. I’ll make up for it as soon as I can.”

Betty smiled, relieved.

“I know,” she assured him. “Don’t worry.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m home,” he told her. “I’ll leave you to enjoy the night.”

She nodded.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and put her phone back and met Wanda’s eyes as her friend just stared expectantly at her.

“His car broke down,” Betty explained. “He didn’t answer my call because he was trying to fix it. He won’t make it tonight.”

Wanda deflated, smiling sadly.

“I’m so sorry, Betty.”

“It’s alright,” she assured her. “I can just...”

Betty crossed gazes with Vision, and he looked a bit lost.

“No,” he shook his head. “We can still enjoy dinner, don’t worry. My treat.”

Well, she knew that already, but Wanda didn’t.

“It’s fine,” she tried to argue back.

“I insist,” Vision interrupted her. “I invited you two here, after all.”

“Betty, please,” Wanda reached across the table for her hand, squeezing it. “Come on. Let’s enjoy it. It’s not always that we come to Veronika. Let’s just enjoy it.”

Betty exhaled, relaxing.

“Of course,” she agreed, at last. “Fine. Alright. I’m so sorry you’re third-wheeling for us, Vision.”

He laughed at her tease.

“You were here before me,” Vision assured her. “The least I can do is respect your position.”

She giggled, and Wanda leaned in his direction, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek and saying something in Sokovian, making him blush.

They got the ‘Salt Crusted Porterhouse’ for four, which was a delightful choice, accompanied by sides of mushrooms and broccolini. Betty allowed herself to savour a winter Syrah, and the conversation flowed lightly, considering the events preceding their dinner and what lay ahead.

When they finished eating and the waiter cleared their plates, Betty wasn’t surprised when the hostess approached instead of the waiter bearing the bill and the too-go bag.

“Excuse me, there’s been a problem,” she spoke, her gaze shifting among the three of them. “Can you follow me, please.”

Wanda’s face went pale, and she looked at Betty with big eyes, and turned to Vision, who looked positively spooked.

They followed her up the stairs and into a private room, and it was absolutely beautiful. The room had candles and fairy lights all around, and both Pietro and Doctor Banner were waiting inside, with a discreet pair of photographer by the side of a waiter with champagne.

Betty sneaked away from the couple and to Pietro’s side when Wanda was still looking around, shocked.

The intro to ‘Lover’ started playing, and Betty could just see her eyes tearing up as she realised what was going on, and the photographers were quick to capture it.

It was truly beautiful, honestly.

Vision knelt slowly, his eyes shining already with tears, and Wanda clasped her hands over her mouth.

"Wanda, I will never forget the first time I heard your beautiful voice and saw you. From the moment you entered my life, I knew I would never be able to live without you," he spoke, gently taking her hand. "These two years we've been together have only solidified that. You are the brightest, most beautiful, kind, and determined woman I've ever met. Everything you do is infused with passion. You are the most loyal of friends, the most resilient in the face of adversity, and possess the best sense of humour I've ever encountered."

Wanda sniffed and Betty blinked away her tears as she watched them. Oh, that was so beautiful.

"And I..." Vision continued, pausing to clear his throat, visibly moved himself. "I want to devote my life to giving you every reason to keep being yourself, to bloom and flourish. I want to grow old and wrinkly by your side and have the privilege of building a family with you. Wanda, I love you."

He put his hand in his pocket and finally pulled the little box from inside, opening it.

“Will you-”

"Yes," Wanda interrupted, her response swift and resolute. "A thousand times, yes."

He slipped the ring into her finger, and Wanda knelt right away to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, holding in the tightest hugs.

Now, Betty knew very little Sokovian, but there was a phrase she knew the exact meaning.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Wanda was repeating as she held him.

Everyone else in the room clapped, and Betty winked at her friend when she turned to look at her, surprised and sniffing and crying softly.

“You knew it!” she accused her.

“Of course I knew it!” Betty walked to her. “You’d think I wouldn’t help plan your engagement?!”

Wanda wrapped her arms around her holding her tightly.

“Thank you,” she sniffed.

“Oh, shush,” Betty kissed her cheek. “I loved every second of it.”

Pietro put his hand on Betty back, and Wanda let her go, taking her brother in a big hug too.

“Let’s celebrate!” he announced aloud.

…

“it’s a Bad Idea, right?” was posted on my Patreon in September 2023. To have early access to it (and lots of other stories), consider subscribe to my page! It’s just $2 a month, and I know you won’t regret it!

…

Bad Idea: @peaceloveancolor

[elvenbeard]

Today's modding shenanigans!

Today I wanted to test out ACM a bit :D I think I'd most enjoy using it as an additional tool for making custom outfits and seeing how different item appearances work together, less as my primary tool to creating custom outfits as such (also, it is a bit buggy for me and I can't seem to export appearances reliably for some reason).

Since you can alter custom appearances with it too, though, you could definitely mod one "base outfit" and then change the colors spontaneously for a different vibe (for example, I could make an apperance for Kerry wearing one t-shirt and then change the shirt decal or color on the fly in game without cluttering his .app file with a dozen different appearances that are virtually the same just different colors!). Wondering though if there exists a resource that lists every item's appearance names (cause some are super specific and hard to guess, like... instead of "black" or "smiley-face" you have appearances like "6th street" or "black_capsules") for this purpose... and if not, I'll probably make one just because I would find it useful to have xD

Also, ACM is really neat for taking off Kerry's jewelry on the fly for certain pics XD Or changing nail colors and things like that! In all these regards this is a super useful resource as is already, but I'm excited where the mod makers will take it :D (also... random sidenote, but can we talk about Dante for a moment? I'm a little bit in love, and I need his shirt not only for Kerry but also for Vince XD).

Then some silly behind the scenes stuff xDD @netcess said that Reed really needs a party outfit with a cool hat, so I put something quick and simple together for her and... I wanted to take a pic and as I went into Photomode, Vince spawned straight across from Reed and looked so disappointed at him partying without him when so many pressing issues are at hand XD Just really fun little moment I wanted to capture, intensified by facepalm XD

Honestly he rocks it XD Might make a recolor to fit his suit when the mood strikes xD

And finally: who wore it better? XD

(giggling and kicking my feet at how his hair and beard match now :3)

No but I actually tried my hand at editing this hair mesh for Kerry, cause it was clipping a bit here and there! This is done super quick and dirty like... In theory I know I could export his headmesh and then fit it exactly to that, but for now this aint so bad already actually! :D No more clipping into the side of his head and the hairline in the front looks better. I left out Johnny's hair cap and all that because I wanted to go for a really really short, very freshly shaved look for this like...

Something he would've done at the end of his tour right before coming back to Night City. Keeping the long hair consistent for all concerts. And as I said, I 100% get why he has that look, like... It has old, seasoned rocker vibes, it's so much less clean and more himself than his 2077-appearance like... natural hair color, not styled at all, embracing himself again with the whole "I'm gonna name my next album "Kerry Eurodyne" and go back to my roots thing, he looks like he just came off stage, sweaty and tousled, so... yes!! I do love it for all those reasons, but idk... I feel like, it's also at the same time something low maintenance that he doesn't have to pay a lot of mind to, escaping into his music and career after apparently losing V. And I think with the tour over and with getting V back so unexpectedly, he'd change things up a bit again. It's a concert/tour look for me. And this style is also low maintenance, while still Kerry, still rebellious, but a little more cleaned-up, in control of his life, if that makes sense?

@pinkyjulien sorry for stealing your tags from my other post, but you put it into words so well, on point!!

Especially your last point, cutting/shaving your hair to mark a new beginning is 100% such a thing he'd do!! So yeah, I think I'll stick with this for his two-years-plus-four-months-later look xD

[gramophoneturtle]

I wonder if Joshua is supposed to be naked in Angel Composer form but we can't see it or we turn into dust.

Shorter musing: The SR says that "as the being in the Underground with the highest vibe, lesser Reapers are incapable of perceiving him". From that it sounds like adding or removing clothing probably wouldn't change that. Although, adding larger, more noticeable items like a cape or a tall hat might make him more noticeable, it might also make it more difficult to perceive the details due to the silhouette becoming more confusing. The Animation seems to show more clothing makes you more "intense" and therefore more visible, while the games point to the (suggestion) clothing being optional.

It's probably already difficult to focus on a hazy/glaring/glowing smudgy figure, so the Composer might try to alter their form to make it easier for the person to perceive them.

Longer musings about the Angelic/Composer form, spoilers from TWEWY and NTWEWY:

In the game, one can infer clothing from the game sprite as if there's a front (half) of a jacket and a (dress) shirt. Then underneath the clothing you can make out the base human shape at times, like the arm and neck. The sprite is the same during the flashback in both the DS and FR versions.

(...He got taller between games? Did he put on platform shoes? Is he floating? Or did Kitaniji change his shoes? Mysteries!)

Then in the secret ending it points to "glowy humanoid form". In the FR, they redrew the front facing sprite. It's not just a larger and unblurred dissatisfied face like the DS game, but it's drawn in a similar way like how the legs and the back were in the DS (and Final Remix) versions. Although there's less or no clothes, it's still not quite...human. "Pieces" spike off the body more clearly and he's gained pointy shoulders.

The Animation points in the opposite direction of the game's secret ending. With Hanekoma, we can see the feet and pants still look well defined after he has reached full vibe frequency and takes off. In the flashback, even though he's a little blurry, you can tell the area around the ankles and feet are a little too wide to not be pants. Especially when you compare it to his arms, which are so thin you can almost see through them. If Joshua is wearing the same outfit as his downturned self, then the thinnest parts are his bare arms.

Therefore, when the fiery Animation Angelic/Composer form has clothes, you have a better chance of seeing him. Hmm.

Definitely more in the game, we get a clearer picture of Joshua in the secret ending when Hanekoma is around. Since Hanekoma can perceive Joshua, so maybe we, through him, can see better as well. And perhaps Joshua doesn't need to obscure himself around those who know his true form. Those that can actually handle it.

There's also a potential orb form, but it could be the Universal Form For Changing Planes. In NEO we see a pillar of light when Hazuki presumably ascends up to a higher plane. Do pillars of light work just like orbs? Was the pillar just a fancy display to hide the orb form or is it a replacement or alternate method? Mysteries.

(Maybe good on Rindo for covering his eyes there. Hazuki was looking on the edge of being really bright for a second.)

If the Higher Plane has less physical, less defined forms, I like to imagine their forms less restricted and less expected to be human like. Want to be a cube? No problem. A floating Mr. Mew cat head? Done. It's just another way to express oneself. If you're going to be working with Reapers and Humans, then the Angel should be comfortable with a human body and follow enough human customs to blend in. If Angels can only come from humans ascending, then it can be a return to familiarity, comfort and/or nostalgia for some.

I like to view the sprites as a freeze frame as if their form is always shifting, pulsating, oscillating, glowing, especially with how it's drawn in the FR Secret Ending. This was one attempt, with just the aura shifting around, and here was a second attempt (eye strain warning) of the head and shoulders included, but that was mostly just playing with layer effects.

In summary, who the heck knows! It seems more clothing might make it easier for lower plane beings to see him. If there's not enough "layers" we might miss him if we're just on the verge of perceiving him. And I imagine if he's too bright, too "dense", he might be painful to look at. Thanks for the ask!

[realcube]

The Maid Café || Saiki K x Reader

summary: nendou and kaidou keep pestering saiki to visit their favourite maid café but he shuts them down every time. however, after a bit of prying they manage to convince him to give the place a try and while they are there, you just so happen to be on shift. 

tw// cussing, maid café, (she/her) reader

key:

“non italicised text” = somebody besides Saiki speaking

“italicised text” = Saiki telepathically communicating

‘italised text’ = Saiki’s thought

‘Of course Nendou and Kaidou would be into maid cafés of all things — not cat cafés, not internet cafés — it just had to be maid cafés.’  

Saiki’s internal monologue began as Kaidou continued gushing on about the cute lady he met at the café a few days ago as an argument to why Saiki should join them next time they go. Not to say Saiki wasn’t listening as he felt extremely sorry for whatever lady had to tolerate Kaidou’s advances and his prayer went out to her but besides that, he really couldn’t care less about the maids or the café. 

Until, his attention was involuntarily aroused at the vocalisation of his name from Nendou, “Saiki’s definitely in for Friday, I’m pretty sure I sold him when I told him that the sandwiches there are almost as good as the ramen we usually get.”

‘No, you didn’t. I won’t be coming to join you on Friday. I’d much rather stay--’ 

Somehow Kaidou managed to cut off Saiki’s internal monologue with his annoying voice, “Don’t be silly, Nendou. You’re not going to win Saiki over with such a ridiculous comparison, one that he clearly doesn’t care about.” 

‘Am I delusional? Is this a hallucination? Or did Kaidou just say something logical and based in reality?’

Kaidou’s aura immediately changed to dark and sinister as a mischievous smirk crossed his face, the background squawks of the crows suddenly became much louder for some unknown reason. “Instead, you must locate your opponent's weak point before you can recognise the crucially important moment to exploit it. The process takes patience but it is one I have learned from my many years rebelling against Dark Reunion. Now, young Nendou, watch and learn.” He finished with a dramatic flip of his school jacket which was slung over his shoulders as a cape.

‘What was all that about?’

Saiki wondered before Kaidou turned to him, much less brooding than he was a few seconds ago, and said casually, “Your loss if you don’t come, Saiki — you’ll be the one missing out on some of the best desserts in our whole town — not to mention the coffee jelly.”

✿✿✿✿✿

‘How do I always end up losing to these people? I am a psychic for god’s sake!’

Saiki mentally cursed himself out as he stood shamefully in front of the maid café, wearing a carefully curated outfit — including his germanium ring  — created especially to hide his identity from anyone from his school that might pass by the café and spot him in there through the window or something. Honestly, he wouldn’t be caught dead in a maid café, or so he thought.

However, all the reviews he read along with both Nendou and Kaidou’s thoughts helped him conclude that this place’s coffee jelly and general dessert selection is nothing to sneeze at. In fact, his favourite Tumblr blog - DeadlyDesserts11037 - visited the place and gave it a 5 star review, recommending everybody who happens to pass by the town to definitely check the place out. After that, he was sold.

Saiki looked over at his friends and couldn’t help but facepalm in response to their bright red, thrilled expressions. “Good grief, please don’t tell me you are both that excited over ladies in maid outfits.” As you might’ve guessed, Saiki didn’t really understand the concept of a ‘maid café’, so he simply assumed the male obsession with maids had something to do with the objectification of women hence he obviously did not want to take part.

“Saiki, you’re seriously just built different if this doesn’t touch your soul.” They both brushed the pink-haired boy’s comment off, completely mesmerised by the sight of a particularly pretty maid-lady walking by the window — probably on her way to serve a table — carrying a notepad in one hand and a plate with a scrumptious-looking coffee jelly on top. 

Saiki followed their gaze, his breath hitching at the sight. He was speechless; no sarcastic comment, no running commentary, nothing. Just..woah! If he had known that the girls that work at this place were so gorgeous and the food looked so delicious, he would’ve came a long time ago.

He wasn’t even sure which one he wanted more; the girl or the jelly. In a way, one wasn’t complete without the other because the coffee jelly which she held high next to her head brought out her (E/C) eyes while her shapely figure highlighted the defined curves of the jelly. Drool was quick to start forming at the corners of his lips but he was even quicker to wipe it away; he was starving.

“We’re going in.”

✿✿✿✿✿

To Saiki’s dismay, it was not the stunning (H/C)-haired girl who he had caught a glimpse of through the glass that ushered them to their table. Rather, it was a slightly less gorgeous maid-lady who had long, bright purple hair which was clearly a wig. 

Fortunately for him, after she left Kadiou, Nendou and himself to take their seats, she rushed off saying that someone will come take their orders whenever they are ready.

Even with his psychic abilities, there wasn’t much he could think of to alter fate so the pretty coffee-jelly lady would end up serving their table, and besides that, he was way too caught up in gawking at all the mouth-watering desserts they had pictured on the menu. 

Simply glancing over the menu brought a stupid grin to his face, he wanted to try every delectable treat presented in front of him. However, he knew he must exhibit restraint, which was fairly simple as he knew deep down there was only one thing on the menu that he was truly after. You guessed it  — coffee jelly.

Usually, he couldn’t care less about what his friends comrades were going to order but in this case, he was tempted to try convince both Kaidou and Nendou to order something he liked so he could take a bite of whatever they were having, “What are you two going to order?”

Yet again though, he was ignored as Nendou and Kaidou were both too busy checking out other types of snacks to care about the ones on the menu. 

Then, a movement out of the corner of his eyes caught his attention so his head jolted from the menu to his new target, the beautiful girl he had saw through the window earlier. Previously, she was holding a coffee jelly but now she was basically empty handed, until she approached the table and pulled out a notepad and pen, “May I take your orders?” She asked in the most calming, melodious voice Saiki had ever heard, the sounds that left her mouth were nothing short of angelic. Which made sense since her serving their table must’ve been god’s gift to Saiki for all his hard work.

Chills, Saiki got literal chills before he mused, “A coffee jelly, and two brownies for the pair of clowns.” His blood ran cold; curse his smooth sarcastic comments! Most of the time, he was able to filter himself but due to the nerves that arose while talking to you, he probably shouldn’t be surprised that he had a little slip of the tongue. But now, you probably think he is a bitch that insults people on the regular; which he is, but not usually aloud! Plus, he couldn’t even tell what you were thinking due to his germanium ring and your distant expression, awful combo!

While he was in the middle of feeling bad for himself and considering teleporting away home, a miracle happened, you burst out laughing. And somehow, your laughter was even more silvery than your voice. 

Saiki had zoned-out from pure shock for a moment before coming back to reality, noticing that you had started jotting down something in your notepad, a sweet smile still lingering on your face despite the fact you had stopped laughing. “Alright, so one coffee jelly and two brownies. Anything else?” You asked, glancing back and forth between the three equally unique and strange men sitting at the table. 

“That’ll be all, thank you.” Saiki telepathically communicated as he usually did, considering actually using his mouth to speak for a change so he didn’t seem weird but in all honesty, he couldn’t be bothered. In any other situation, he would’ve gotten a drink of water or perhaps hot cocoa but right now he was way too afraid of making another error in his speech to request something else. 

Silently, he extended his arm to hand you the menu he was given when he entered the café, along with the ones Kaidou and Nendou were given too. His actions single-handedly shooting down your plan of leaning across the table to ‘take the menus’ but in reality it is just a subtle way of showing-off how nice your torso looked in this maid outfit, a trick you learned from your supervisor. 

You nodded, closing over your notepad and making your way over to the kitchen, being sure to swing your hips just a little bit extra to impress the pink-haired megane at the table you just took an order from. You mentally cursed your stupid brain though for always crushing on guys/gals who don’t seem the least bit interested in you. In this case, the guy’s attention was divided between his star-struck friends and the desserts on the menu, rather than you which was an unusual sight in a maid café considering that most people would only come to ogle at the waitresses. 

✿✿✿✿✿

“So, Saiki.” Kaidou finally landed back into reality after a large chunk of the waitresses roaming around were now in the kitchen which he didn’t have viewing access to, “What did you order us?”

‘So, he was fully aware that the waitress came to take his order, he just chose to ignore her and left me to order his food. What a child, it must be a side-effect of his eighth grade syndrome.’

Saiki couldn’t help but sigh, “I ordered you both brownies.”

Kaidou stuck out his bottom lip to form a pout as he crossed his arm over his chest like a toddler, “I hate brownies.” He muttered to himself, realising that if he wanted something done right, he’d have to do it himself.

An amused smirk tugged at Saiki’s lips but he resisted the urge to laugh, ‘I know.’ He thought, his masterplan to eat more food without looking greedy falling into place. “Oh well, more for me then.”

Suddenly, Nendou spun his head around to abruptly join the conversation, “Hey guys, did you see the hottie that was serving our table?” He inquired with starry eyes, as if he was a kid in a candy store.

Saiki nodded, ‘Obviously I did, you moron. I was the one who ordered the food for goodness’ sake!’

Kaidou shook his head, his eyes lighting up as he leaned in close to Nendou, “Nope! I was busy looking at the other girls, but tell us!” 

Nendou chuckled at Kaidou’s enthusiastic reaction before glancing to the side, outstretching his arm and pointing at the waitress that was now approaching the table with the food in her hands. “There she is!”

‘Don’t point at her, you idiot!’ Saiki mentally insulted his friend but instinctively followed the guidance of the tip of his finger until his eyes landed on your shapely figure — accentuated by the nature of the maid outfit  — slowly heading toward his table, holding the coffee jelly and the plate of brownies in the same graceful way you did when he saw you through the window. 

The gleam of your gorgeous hair, the movement of your luscious lashes, the gentle bounce of your upper body, how your perfectly manicured nails clutched the base of the jelly glass; everything about what he was seeing made him believe that if/when he were to die, this would be his ideal first sight as he passed through the gates of heaven. 

Before he knew it, you had reached the table and placed his jelly down on the table, gently nudging it towards him, “One coffee jelly for the cute boy with antennas.” You mused, making Saiki’s heart flutter in a way he was unfamiliar with. Then, you placed the brownies in front of Kaidou and Nednou who sat opposite from Saiki, “And two brownies for the clowns.” 

If it wasn’t for the fact the pair of clowns were too busy leching over you in your maid outfit, they’d probably be curious as to your choice of words but luckily for both you and Saiki, they were way to entranced by your visible bra strap to care about the little nickname.

Saiki felt a light blush creep onto his face, which only got worse as you discretely sent him a playful wink before turning on your heels to stroll back to the kitchen, “If you need anything else, just give me a wave.” 

All of them hummed agreement in unison until the waitress was out of sight, giving Saiki a moment to process the events that had just went down. Not only did you refer to him as ‘the cute boy with antennas’ but you also winked at him, if that wasn’t a clear sign you were interested, what was? However, Saiki still had his doubts since this was a maid café after all, perhaps you were just trained to do that with all your customers.

Luckily, the had the foresight to slip off his germanium ring to read your mind and that helped him come to the conclusion that you were either interested in him or you were just very competitive as the whole time you were serving the table your thoughts were along the lines of;

‘I’ll adjust my skirt- Ha! You looked! Try resist falling for me now, you hot lil’ megane! Your heart is mine and I know it! See, I’ll fidget with my corset too-- just make a move already, pinkie!’

Although he didn’t appreciate being called ‘pinkie’, he had no right to judge what was going on in your brain. All he could do is be thankful that you didn’t say that aloud.

✿✿✿✿✿

You sighed as you noticed the pink-haired boy and his little posy exit the establishment without so much as a goodbye, or even a wave! 

It was disappointing as you had already mentally planned your future with this guy and he had the audacity to do the real life equivalent of leaving you on read. But oh well, it would be approximately a week until you developed a crush on a random customer that lasts for around 30 minutes and for the time being, you can focus on doing your job.

You glumly shuffled over to their table to gather their plates to be washed, then a piece of colourful paper attached to the empty jelly glass caught your eye. As you held up the glass to inspect it further, you realised that it was a sticky note with a message written on it in black ink and neat, cursive handwriting. It read:

‘Dearest waitress,

Thank you for the excellent service, we (myself) tipped accordingly.’

You hadn’t finished reading yet but you were curious as to what he meant by that, and apparently you service must’ve been exceptional as the writer had left a whole ¥2000 tip. That’s a huge addition to the demonia fund.  

Followed by this charming little message was an extra tip for you; the writer’s phone number! Meaning that this little sticky note was something you had to protect with your life..so you shoved it in your bra for safe-keeping. 

But not before taking a moment to giggle with delight at who the note was signed by, 

‘Sincerely, the hot lil’ megane (aka Kusuo Saiki)’ 

[applepi-1]

They comfort you after a break up

Sugawara x you

Kenma x you

Suna x you

(Picking names was hard, I used a random picker wheel and apparently, my computer loves Tsukishima, Akaashi, and Bokuto a lot.)

Also Kenma's is longer... :)

--

Suga- 820 words

You were at his house in front of his door, sighing lightly before knocking. You could hear his footsteps, you felt stupid and guilty for waking him up at 11. He looked at you softly, only to turn into worry as he noticed your clothes were a bit messy, your cheeks were puffy, and your hair looks like a rat's nest. "Uh, Y/n?"

"Can I stay here tonight...?" Suga opened his door letting you walk in, immediately closing it behind you, grabbing your arms so he could look at you better.

"What's going on?" He quickly stepped to you, "Oh no no no, N/n, don't cry, it'll be okay, I'm here now." He sat you on the couch before sitting next to you, taking you into his arms. He cradled you, as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him as you cried into his chest. He silently held me for a moment before he spoke again. "Y/n, do you want to talk about it? Tell me what happened."

You pulled yourself out of his chest enough to look him in the eyes, "B/n broke it off." Ugh. You don't need him to see you like this. You know that he wouldn't react very well to the breakup. When you had first said yes to B/n when he'd asked you out, Suga had gone to him and told him to take good care of you, and to talk things out if they got rough. Well, B/n left you crying and Suga is not happy to see you like this. You're sure he's thinking about stabbing him multiple times.

His expression went from concerned to shocked to angry to comforting in less than two seconds. "Oh Y/n," he hugged you, holding you tighter. "Did he say why?"

"He just wasn't feeling it anymore, his feelings had gone flat and run out." You cried into his chest, your salty tears staining his Polo shirt. "He wasn't interested in me anymore."

He rubbed your back, comforting you, "Y/n, it's going to be okay, I've got you. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore." He pulled you into his lap as he leaned against the back of the couch. "I know that it hurts, but I promise you I will never let anyone hurt you like this ever again." He kissed the top of your head and you cried harder.

"Sh...Sh...n/n... We should watch a movie." He whispered once you calmed down.

He reached across the couch and grabbing the remote. He typed in a movie title quickly so that you couldn't see. Then it was loading in front of you.

You admired how he was so focused on making you happy. You liked that he paid attention.

But of course, you paid attention to him too. You noticed how his hair is a mess, and how he was wearing a t-shirt, he knew he could always be comfortable around you. You loved the way he carried himself confidently when he walked. You loved when he called you, 'Love', it made you feel a different kind of special than other names. You picked him as your best friend for a reason.

However that may be, you also couldn't help but admire that when he reached for the remote, his arm was very close to you and his lean muscle was hard not to attend brain cells too. He held you tight and you could feel his strong chest, and his toned abdomen embracing you. When you looked into his eyes, you could feel yourself falling in love with their shade and color. When he spoke, his deep voice entranced your thoughts. You couldn't deny that he was attractive.

"Love," he said. "Are you watching the movie?" he asked, running his fingers through your hair, twisting the ends between his first finger and thumb.

You looked up at him, "Sugawara,"

"Yes?" he asked.

"I just wanted to say your name," you said. "I like to say your name."

"I like saying your name too." he smiled.

You looked into his eyes, and he looked right back at yours, he very slowly, leaned in slightly, his eyes starting to close. He lightly pressed his lips to yours, in a very tender kiss. He pulled away, slightly. A blush rising on your cheeks. Your heart fluttered. He smiled and you did too.

You rested your head on his chest once again and thought about what just happened. He kissed you. On the lips. With his lips. They were soft, and they pressed on yours ever so lightly and you wanted that amazing feeling again. The soft gentleness of his love pressed to your skin, your lips. You loved him, he was your best friend.

You looked up at him again, making him look at you. "Suga, what just happened?" You asked.

"I kissed you," he said. Then he thought for a moment, "Yeah, I kissed you."

--

Kenma- 1705 words

"Kenma?" You asked on your phone, your voice wavering. You could just feel the lump/frog in your throat creeping up because, first of all, even though Kenma was your friend, you always got a little bit nervous when you talked to him, once you had developed a crush on him. And second of all, you were on the verge of tears.

"Hey, Y/n. Are you alright? Do you need me to come by your house? Is there anything wrong? Or am I just overreacting?" he said. You could tell that he was obviously worried, just by hearing his tone and his many questions.

"I'm fine. But can you please come over? I need a friend." You stated simply, not revealing too much.

"I'll leave my place in a minute and I'll be over there as soon as possible. Okay?" You nodded in response, forgetting that he couldn't see me at the moment.

"Thank you." Your voice was barely above a whisper now. Kenma wouldn't get off the phone because he kept wanting to make sure that you were alright. "Dude I'm okay. I'm just not sure that you'll be if you keep this call on while running. I need you, though, so please just hang up and come as soon as you can." You had to be the one to hang up, even though it pained you to do so. At the moment, though, it had seemed like it pained him more.

~ Time Skip ~

There was a knock on your door and you knew who it must have been.

You knew that it was too early for your family to be back. You were home alone while everyone else was out at dinner. Somehow, you had convinced your parents to let you stay home, alone. They said that as long as you didn't party and no one, that you didn't trust, came into the house, they'd be fine with it and they'd probably let you do it again.

You got off of your bed, which you had ended up crying in, and started walking down the stairs.

Sweeping your hair out of your face and trying to smooth it out, you went over to the door. You took a deep breath, pulled down both of your sleeves, and put on the best fake smile that you could muster.

As soon as you saw him, you couldn't take your eyes off of him. You didn't even offer to let him in at first. All you did was take in his handsomeness. blond hair with black roots and his golden eyes; wearing his usual, laid-back outfit that you always enjoyed. It was weird to you how one person could help alter your mood, by even just the tiniest bit.

"Aren't you gonna let me in?" he asked, smiling at you, with a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. He looked down at his phone hoping you didn't see it.

"Oh, sorry!" You apologized, gesturing for him to come into the house and shut the door behind him.

"Hey, I hate to do this to you, but do you mind if I take a look at what's in the kitchen?" he asked. "I had practice and I changed, walked over to my house and that's when you called. Now I'm starving."

"Sure!" You replied with fake cheeriness, going toward the living room. He walked into the kitchen, which had a pretty nice view of the room you were going in. "And I'm sorry. I should have let you stay over at your house." You faked a laugh, which screamed the word 'fake', and that gave your whole charade away. He walked into the living room, where you were about to sit down on the couch. Taking a seat next to you, he turned toward you.

"Y/n, what's with all of the apologizing?" Before you could respond, he added, "If you really wanna apologize, don't feel bad about things like those. Apologize for lying to me."

You knew that he wasn't going to let you lie to him anymore, who were you kidding to be lying to him, so you quit your act and put down your guard. You looked into his eyes and he could see that you were on the verge of breaking so he put his arms up as you crashed into him and wrapped your arms around him, starting to let out your sobs. You cried into his t-shirt and, strangely, he didn't actually seem to mind. He wrapped his arms around you and brought you in even closer to him.

When he started to rub circles with his hands on your back, you started to relax. Nobody had ever made you feel that comfortable before when you were as distraught as you are at the time.

You started to control your breathing and he just kept you enveloped in his arms. He put his chin on top of your head and mumbled, more to himself than to you, "It's okay pudding."

Once you had stabilized your tears and breathing, you looked up and took a quick glance into his eyes. You looked away quickly, though. You were fearing that he was going to judge you or use this moment against you. It's not like he was that type of person, because he really wasn't, but nobody had actually seen you so vulnerable before and you weren't sure how he, nor anyone for that matter, would respond.

"It's okay," he promised. "You can tell me anything and I swear I won't tell anyone unless I think it could help. And I'd tell you first. You do not have to feel embarrassed around me."

You looked back into his eyes and saw how sincere he was being. Just by looking into his eyes, you could see loyalty, sincerity, honesty, and care. You were super grateful to have him as a friend. He's not used to this, Kenma's not used to comforting anyone, or good with his words, so it shocked you a little.

"I, uh, you really wanna know?" You asked. When he nodded, You decided that it was now or never. "B/n broke up with me..." You whispered making Kenma sad. "And you want to know the reason why?" You asked dramatically, but before he could ask you gave him an answer, "It's because I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time now. You know that. And it's been so hard and nobody understands. Every time people find out, they judge me. Or they just tell me to get help. But whenever I try to get help, nobody cares. Even if they do care, they don't understand, though. I hate sounding selfish and bitchy, but I just wish that there was someone who cared and understood, y'know? It's hard enough going through your teenage years, trying to figure out who you are, but then having depression and anxiety on top of it really sucks. And it's a really crappy thing to go through." He just sat there, stunned, so you continued. "I mean, having to deal with me has, probably, always been tough, but it's probably gonna be harder now. Plus, it's like what if I end up using this as my excuse for all my irrational decisions? I would be abusing this disorder, almost as much as it's abusing me. And it's just really hard to deal with. Because even the people who care a lot, and who try to understand what I'm going through, can never really help. I'm not sure if they just don't get it or if they just, honestly, don't actually give a crap. As much as I want them to understand, though, I really couldn't wish any of this upon them because nobody, even the worst of the worst, deserves to go through depression and anxiety. And I just don't really know what to do with all of these pent-up emotions."

By this point, you had let out all of your emotions and tears; that was enough explaining, at least for the time being.

"Y/n, don't ever feel like you have to keep secrets like those from me, okay? I care about you, more than you could ever imagine, and I want you to know that and to be able to open up to me."

"I know you care, Ken." You mumbled, leaning away from him.

You just sat there, gazing into each other's eyes, and he let out a sigh. "Of course I care. You're my best friend, and you have been for a while now. Hell, you're more than that! All I want is for you to feel comfortable around me. I mean, I don't really understand what you're going through and I also don't understand why you're going through it, but I do know that you're such an amazing, gorgeous girl that doesn't deserve any of this bull. I can't even begin to pretend to understand any of this so I'm not going to. I'll try to understand, sure; but I'm not going to act like I do because that'd be a lie. But I really like you and I don't wanna see anyone go through this pain, especially not you."

You had no idea how to respond to that so you just sat there, staring up into his eyes. How do you respond to that...? Kenma- a boy who never said much since you've been friends- just full-on rambled to you. "But what about all my flaws? Do you really want to have to deal with this?"

"You have a hell of a lot more to deal with than I do so I'm not gonna be the one to complain. And I don't care about your flaws. I mean, I do care about them, but I don't hate them. Your flaws are what make you the person you are and the person you are is imperfectly perfect and perfectly imperfect. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. Because I have the power to see beyond your flaws and to see who you truly are, and I am going to use that power like I already have. Your flaws just make you even better, in my opinion."

Again, you were speechless.

--

Suna- 662 words

You ran to the gym quickly once you ran all eyes were on you. But all you could do was run to your best friend. Miya Osamu was confused as you immediately wrapped your arms around him. "Y/n?" He didn't have the time to look at you, they were practicing against Karasuno, and any other time you would've cared, Suna walked in with the other Miya twin looking at you in shock, but Suna ran over to you before Atsumu could open his mouth.

"Y/n?" He pulled you away and took in your appearance, you were supposed to be on a date with that guy, B/n. But now looking at you, your shirt was a mess and unbuttoned a little, your cheeks were red and puffy, your lip was busted a little, and your hair... god you were a wreck, he immediately wrapped his arms around you letting you cry into him. "Atsumu, get my jacket." The boy did as told handing it to him, before he wrapped it around you, letting you put the jacket on as he zipped it before pulling you back into his chest. "What happened, N/n?" You held onto him tighter, he sighed and looked at the other members. "Would you tell me if we were alone?" You sighed leaning up to whisper it into his ear.

"It... it was a bet..." He furred his brows at the answer, everyone looked confused as well.

"What do you mean...?" You sighed again tugging his shirt, he got the message and bent down a little.

"It was... a-all a b-bet... to g-get into m-my pa-pants..." You admitted embarrassingly. Suna's eyes widen looking down at you before his blood boiled.

"It was what?!" His voice was low and cold, it literally made you shiver. He didn't want you to repeat yourself, eventually, Sugawara came over rubbing your arm softly.

"What happened, dear?" Sugawara always gave off this mom vibe making you smile a little, but that mom vibe was immediately replaced with scary after you told him the story.

"Where're my knives Daichi?!" Daichi jumped looking at his boyfriend {;) I'm kidding, maybe..}

"Uh... it's that bad?" He looked at you making you nod, saying it was okay to tell him.

"Oh, it's that bad. It was all a bet." Everyone looked at you in shock. Tsukishima even gave you a small smile. You just nuzzled your way into Suna trying to make yourself disappear.

"I'm sorry... S-Suna..." he looked down at you before gently rubbing your arms kissing your head lightly.

"I knew you still had a thing for him, you lying bitch!" You immediately tensed up, Suna looked at the boy over his shoulder. He stopped short in his track as he noticed all the death glares he was receiving.

"What did you just call our manager?" The twins said together looking at the boy with murderous glares.

"Daichi, I need my knives!" That was what made him run, but all the boys followed, all except you two.

"You okay...?" You looked up at him and shook your head.

"Not really..."

"Hm, want to come over and watch a movie...?" He was ignoring what your ex said, making you sigh.

"You don't have to beat around the bush, I get it, you don't like me... so..."

"I-I didn't think much of what he said." You don't really ever see a blushing Suna, so it was a first. "I-I thought he was lying... but, w-who said I didn't like you back?" Your eyes widen a little as he looked away.

"Do you... like me back...?" All the boys stopped at the door hearing your conversation and like Suna would do if this was one of the twins, they filmed it.

"I... I do..." You felt a smile appear on your messed-up face. Suna looked down at you and smiled back. "I-I'll kiss you when your lip isn't busted." You both laughed before hugging your best friend, well now boyfriend.

[sidespart]

The Fall of Romulus Part 5

Summary: Twin Princes Remus and Romulus are cursed at birth with Honesty and Obedience. When Romulus, who cannot disobey any order, is told to kill his brother the next time he lays eyes on him, he changes his name to Roman and runs away. Roman joins up with a misfit group of adventures and plans to never return to his homeland. But the fae have other plans for him...

Warnings (for whole fic not necessarily individual chapters): Violence, mind whammying/memory altering, curse of obedience related consent issues, references to sex, references to war related injuries/PTSD, references to child abuse/neglect (YMMV on that one but just in case), antagonstic-but-not-exactly villian!Janus, Extremly-moraly-dubious-but-not-exacty-unsympathetic-Remus

Feedback appreciated.

NOW ON AO3 :D

Prologue     Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3 Chapter 4

The first time Virgil had seen Patton, it had been on the battlefield. The larger man was on his knees, three men wearing the same uniform as Virgil strewn around him, fresh blood gushing from deep gouges on his face. He’d looked up at Virgil like he expected to die, his eyes bright with relief.

The first time Virgil had seen Logan, he’d barely been more than a kid. Even skinnier than he was now, drenched to the bone in his threadbare apprentice robes and shaking with rage. He’d thrust a handful of coins across the table at Virgil and Patton, newly minted heroes for hire, and demanded they kill his master.

The first time Virgil had seen Roman, he’d been singing to a horse.

It wasn’t even his horse.

Virgil had wanted a break from the noise of the tavern and the simmering tension between his companions. But standing in the dark in an unfamiliar town had been unappealing and so he’d ducked into the taverns small stables. The hayloft was more of a glorified shelf, set close to the ceiling, but standing amongst the horses meant potentially having to explain himself to the horses’ owners and so he’d clambered up and shimmied his way into the narrow space, ducking down out of sight.

He just wanted a few minutes peace. Long enough to figure out what to do.

Logan had accepted a job. Without consulting either Patton or Virgil. It was a simple enough assignment -to transport a crate full of merchandise to a town on the other side of the mountain pass. So why could the townsfolk not deal with that themselves? Because the pass was full of bandits. Obviously.

Logan said they needed the money and he wasn’t wrong. Patton said they needed a break and he wasn’t wrong either.

They had been travelling from one skinflint town to the next for what felt like an age…but half the reason travel was taking so long was that right now they didn’t have enough coin to even to rent horses. Which meant Patton was going to end up dragging the gods-forsaken chest the entire way. Which was going to aggravate the hip injury- which he still refused to acknowledge existed - and leave all of them vulnerable to attack, since Logan wasn’t winning any fights unless it was a debate and Virgil…Virgil did better with the element of surprise.

Looming out of the darkness, his eyes glowing purple and his crossbow held aloft – Virgil had watched many an enemy turn tail and run at the sight of him with great satisfaction.

Actually aiming that crossbow, in broad daylight, at attacking bandits and successfully hitting one? That seemed less likely to be satisfying for anyone. Except maybe the bandits.

So now there was a stalemate, both Patton and Logan bristling at each other over their meal. Both waiting for Virgil to be the tiebreaker.

Hence the hiding in a hayloft.

Maybe if Logan had just talked to the them instead of making decisions for everyone-

“Who’s the prettiest girl in this stable? Is it you? I think it is!”

Virgil froze.

“My lady fair is pale as night and strong as all the stars that bright th- hey!” holding his breath, Virgil slowly turned his head until he could see the man below, who was currently trying to tug his sleeve out of the mouth of a blond mare. It was the bard from the tavern. Even without hearing his voice, the bright white outfit and ridiculously flouncy red jacket gave him away.

Virgil frowned. It was still relatively early in the evening and the bard had had a good audience – even Patton and Logan had looked away form their argument to appreciate his tune. Why leave now?

“Okay, okay you don’t like the classics.” The bard was back to petting the mare’s nose, “but you’re still stunning despite your terrible taste. And a beautiful horse deserves the most handsome of riders hmm?”

Virgil rolled his eyes and relaxed back against the hay. The movements of over the top performers were none of his business.

“That you singing back there?”

Virgil tensed again.

Two men were blocking the exit. Both big, broad and wearing matching insincere grins.

The one who’d spoken had a knife in his hand. The bard apparently didn’t notice and stepped away from the horse with his arms spread wide.

Under the dim shaft of moonlight spilling from the stable door, the silky material of the bards jacket seemed to shine.  It highlighted his pockets, where the thin material was sagging under the weight of his bulging coin pouch

“Always a pleasure to meet my fans!”

He gave them a cheeky bow, his pockets jingling as he moved.

Virgil resisted the urge to bang his head against the ceiling.

If this idiot wanted to get himself stabbed was it really Virgil’s responsibility to intervene?  What would Logan call this – natural selection?

“Must’ve made a pretty penny.”  It was the second man who spoke, he leaned carefully against the stable door as knife-guy stepped forward. “Nice voice like that.”

He looked pointedly at the bard’s jacket pocket. The bard took a half step back, almost disappearing from Virgil’s view.

“Your town is very generous.”

“Yeah. Good people” The second guy smiled. “Drop it.”

Virgil heard the bard sigh, deep and theatrical. But, much to Virgil’s relief, he threw the bag down on to the ground between them. Murder, Virgil was probably morally obligated to try to stop. But if the two robbers just took the bag and ran? Well. Patton was constantly asking Vigil and Logan to keep out of trouble so he could hardly disapprove.

Knife-guy grinned dumbly and reached down to his prize. Virgil tensed himself, he wasn’t going to be able to leap gracefully into action form his confined hiding place but he could potentially…roll onto the guy if he tried anything.

He didn’t get the chance.

As soon as the wannabe thief bent down the bard was on him. A blur of white and red shot out from beneath the hayloft, slammed the butt of a sword – had he always had a sword? – down on knife-guys skull sending him sprawling to the ground.

The second man let out a shout but before he had chance to take more than a step forward the bard was there, sword swinging though the air before coming to rest less than an inch from the man’s throat.

There was a pause whilst the man just gaped at the bard. Breathing heavily.

“You have a choice. Leave now, with your head still attached or…”

There was a yell and Virgil cursed himself for being distracted as knife-guy barrelled towards the pair, weapon raised high –

Only for it to instantly be knocked out his hand by the bard’s sword. The big man let out a high pitched yelp as blood spurted from where his fingers had been moments before, the knife clattering to the ground. The second man aimed a swing at the bards head but he dodged low, springing back up to deliver a punch of his own to the man’s throat, which left him gasping for breath.  

At this point, knife guy clearly decided he’d had enough, running for the door with his bleeding hand clutched close to his chest. The second thief, seeing his backup flee, shot the bard a venomous glare and hurried after.

And then there was quiet.

“Sorry about that.” Virgil startled – was he talking to him? “My precious babies.” No. The bard was heading back towards the horses, who had been remarkably unconcerned throughout his ordeal.  This gave Virgil his first proper look at his face.

He looked young. Not much older than Logan. And tired.

“Did those mean old robbers scare you?” he cooed “Not to worry – your hero is here to save the day!”

With the bard facing the horses, Virgil took the opportunity to squirm out of his hiding place, managing to land lightly enough on the stable floor behind him.

“Hey.” He said.

The hero’s shriek of surprise was so loud that the horses reared up in their stalls.

 After hasty explanations, Virgil had hired him as extra muscle for their trip. It’s wasn’t t an ideal solution, but the knowledge that there would be extra protection around for Logan and Virgil eased some of Patton’s tension. And since Sir Sing-A-Lot  had pissed off two would be thieves who were presumably still in town somewhere, he was willing to leave quickly and for cheap which suited Logan.

He met them the next day about a quarter mile out of town, performance outfit replaced with something moderately more travel worthy and sword strapped to his side. Virgil had suggested he stay the night at the tavern but he had shaken his head. Said if he went back in there the bartender would insist he stay to play another night – and then he’d have to let him down, which would be far too painful to bare.

Virgil privately thought skipping out halfway through the night was probably letting him down worse, but whatever. One mans loss is another man’s gain.

It was only when he’s was making the introductions that he realised Roman hadn’t brought his horse. Which led quickly to the realisation that there were three would be thieves in the stable that night.

Virgil spent most of the first day with his eyes fixed on Roman, waiting for him to betray them and skip off with the loot himself. But as the hours past and the bard did nothing suspicious he slowly started to relax.

It was only going to be three days.

***

Three years later, Virgil was growling to himself in his mother’s language as he swept his eyes across the room again, finding absolutely nothing. Not that he expected to -the small room wasn’t exactly flush with hiding places. All he had managed to unearth in the first frantic search was one of Roman’s notebooks, tossed under the bed with its leafy bookmark a few inches away. Patton had carefully put both away in his own coat pocket, a look of abject misery on his face as his hands ghosted over Romans drawings.

The thing was. It wasn’t like adding Roman to the group had instantly fixed everything.

But-

But Patton got sad sometimes. And Virgil, he’d been through a lot of the same stuff as the big guy but he didn’t know how to reach him when he got like that. Virgil was pretty sure he actually made things worse. But Roman – Roman distracted Patton without even trying half the time. He’d sing, weave a story out of nothing, disappear down a side street and reappear with a gaggle of kids and two puppies he seemingly conjured out of nowhere. The two of them had the same bright energy and when they got together they laughed loud enough to banish any shadow.

And Logan – Logan had this need to prove himself. All the time. He needed a challenge to throw himself against or he wilted. Patton hated arguing and Virgil frankly didn’t have the energy but Roman? Roman loved it. The two debated everything, from poetry to politics and threw themselves into preparation with more gusto than seemed healthy. The first big blow up they had, Virgil had looked over at Patton, panicked, before realising both men were grinning ear to ear. Relishing the debate in a way that Virgil didn’t really understand.

And as for Virgil himself…well actually he had always been perfectly fine and Roman basically drove him crazy.

But that wasn’t the point.

The point was, the four of them worked better as a four. They balanced each other out. Even if they sometimes went too far and hurt each others feelings, they always apologised and moved on. And even if having four meant that their could never be a tiebreaker and every decision had to be discussed around and around until someone gave in…that was just what family was like.

And now Roman was just going to walk away from them? Without even saying goodbye?

Unacceptable.

“This is all my fault.” Patton wailed for third time. “I never should have left him alone.”

And on top of everything he’d upset Patton? Virgil was going to find their wayward bard and bring him home. And then kill him.

“Tell us what he said again.” Logan demanded imperiously, notebook and pen at the ready as he stared Patton down.

Virgil sighed and answered for him:

“He told him he wanted to leave the city. And now he’s left the city.”

Logan frowned. “The city gates are closed at sunset – unless he had a royal decree he would have been unable to leave last night.”

Virgil grit his teeth, “Okay, so, assuming he didn’t know that – because none of the rest of us knew that – he left the inn to try to leave the city.”

“So then why leave the inn at all?” Logan continued, pacing up and down the limited floor space and utterly ignoring Virgil “Why not just wait till morning? It makes no sense unless.” He paused at the window. “Unless he was taken against his will.”

Patton and Virgil exchange wide eyed looks. Virgil was normally the one jumping to worst case scenarios, not Logan. “You, uhh, you got any evidence for that one Lo?”

“He left his sword.” Logan pointed. “Amongst almost all his other possessions – he told Patton he wasn’t safe and then he leaves without taking a weapon? It’s illogical.”

“I’m not sure he was thinking logically.” Patton said softly, looking at Romans neatly piled possessions. “You didn’t hear him guys he – he sounded so scared.”

Virgil flinched. Fingers flexing uselessly. “Okay. Okay so. What spooked him? Something in the forest?” He asked, thinking guilty of Romans thorn scratched hands after he’d got himself lost trying to escape Virgil foul mood. “He was totally spaced out last night.”

“He seemed fine this morning.” Patton said  with a frown “Logan?”

“He was fine before we saw The Crone.” Logan murmured, “he was, if anything, too effervescent. But when we left he seemed…” he trailed off, adjusting his glasses before glaring defensively at both of them “he didn’t say anything so I can’t be sure – but, he was very quiet. The Crone was northern so I thought perhaps homesickness? But I don’t believe he was scared. Not until the episode.”

Virgil nodded, Logan had already described the episode – Romans sudden sprint through the city street and subsequent panic attack – in detail, although he’d been unable to pin point what had set him off.

“Um I’m sorry …The Crone?” Patton looked horrified, “Logan, do you mean our customer?”

“I. Uhm.” Despite everything Virgil couldn’t help but grin the flush of embarrassment that quickly took over Logan’s face. “She was from the North” Logan told them with great dignity, “Roman has told us many time that it is considered rude to ask a strangers name on first meeting.”

“But, did you…know she was form the North? Before you started calling her crone?” Virgil couldn’t resist teasing.

“Logan that is so rude!” Patton said, giving his best disappointed dad eyes.

“SO rude.” Roman ginned  “honestly Patton – Virgil - this kind of behaviour reflects poorly on you as parents. I personally think you should send him to bed without supper.”

And Patton laughed, a secretly pleased smile at being compared to a parent and Virgil rolled his eyes and shrugged Romans hand off his shoulder and Logan let out an offended humph before reminding Roman, again, that he was only a few years older than him and if he was a child Roman was too and a brat besides – an old and well-worn argument that made all of them laugh, tension broken.

Except it wasn’t. Because Roman wasn’t there.

Instead Patton’s exaggerated disappointment mellowed into real sadness as he glanced around the room again and Logan hunched his shoulders, burying his face in his notebook. Silence filled the room.

“I’m going to uh, look outside again.” Virgil jerked his thumb awkwardly to the door and set off without waiting for a response.

Definitely kill him, Virgil thought. Once they were sure he was okay.

**

Apart from his unusual eye colour, pointed ears and a youthful complexion well into his thirties, Virgil had inherited very little from his mothers people. But his night vision was undeniably better than his fully human companions.

Not that it was doing him much good right now. Didn’t matter how good your eye sight was if there was nothing to see.

It was easy enough to track Roman from the open window, down the wall of torn climbing plants to the ground, but after that the trail immediately went cold. If this was a small town with a dirt road there would at least be footprints, but on the cobblestone streets of the well-to-do there was nothing to follow.

He could be anywhere.

Virgil kicked a pebble with a snarl, sending it clattering across the square. Reluctantly he started to prepare himself for the long climb back up to their room, when he was distracted by a faint whinnying.

The tavern connected to stables.

Huh.

Well….he knew Roman had been prepared to steal a horse before…

Quietly, Virgil slipped around the corner and into the stables. This was a far cry from the glorified shack where he had first met Roman. The ‘stables’ was more of a courtyard, with various coaches and waggons parked in the centre, and an enormous number of stalls ringing the outside. Virgil guessed it was shared between the tavern and the several other buildings that bordered the square.

His heart began to race.

He hadn’t really expected to see much – how would he know, after all, if a horse was missing? But with this much money in one place, there had to be a guard. Someone who might have seen Roman pass through.  

He took a deep breath, trying to keep his expectations low, and began to search.

**

“Virgil. Did you kidnap a child?!”

Virgil winced. The force of Patton’s disappointed dad glare was a lot less funny when it was directed at him. “I mean,” he tried “is it kidnapping? She lives here! It’s not that bad!”

“I would say it’s significantly worse that calling a woman a crone in the privacy of your own head.” Logan muttered under his breath. Virgil glared at him.

“And I don’t live here,��� the girl offered brightly “I just work in the stables.”

They were in the inn’s kitchen. Somewhere that they were absolutely not allowed to be. But between cancelling the promised performance, negotiating a week’s stay in an already overbooked establishment and then almost immediately afterwards cancelling that too and the panicked interrogation of the few remaining customers when they’d first discovered Roman missing; Virgil didn’t think the inn’s landlord could really get more irritated with them.

Although the whole kidnapping thing was probably not going to help.

“Here you go sweetheart.” Patton said, pushing a mug of sweet tea towards the girl and taking a seat next to her. He did not offer Virgil or Logan a cup.

“Thanks Mister Pat!” She smiled sweetly up at Patton before turning away from him and sticking her tongue out at Virgil. Virgil gestured wildly between the girl and himself but Patton just sipped his own drink, nose in the air.

Virgil slumped in his chair, glowering.

He’d found her sleeping in one of the empty stable stalls. The space was clearly being used as a hut for the stable boy – or in this case girl – with a small wooden bed pushed against the back wall and a desk covered in half cleaned riding gear near the entrance.

Elated to have found a possible lead he had rushed towards the bed and shaken the occupant awake immediately. And released in one horrifying instant that he was a fully grown man shaking a literal child who probably couldn’t even see him in the darkness.

She yelled.

He yelled.

She threw a horseshoe at his head.

He had managed to bundle her half way back to the inn - one hand clamped over her mouth despite the fact that she was biting him - before Patton appeared, ripping them apart with a growl and then blinking a Virgil in complete confusion when he realised who the would be kidnapper was.

“I – we – just want to ask you some questions.” Virgil said in his calmest I-am-not-deranged-I-have-just-had-a-very-long-day voice “Okay, um, sweetheart?”

All three of them stared at him.

“’Sweetheart’ sounds odd when you say it.”

“I know it does Lo’.”

“It might be the tone of voice.”

“I know it is, Lo’.”

“I’m Lucy.” Said the girl. Lucy sat back in her chair, swinging her legs back and forth. “Are you gonna’ pay me? The last guy gave me five gold pieces.” she grinned at them expectantly.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Okay well, that’s ridiculous.”

“We don’t have much money.” Patton told her, “but I can make you another tea?” She considered him for a minute but was clearly already besotted with her ‘rescuer’, so she just smiled and held out her mug.

“Now,” Patton asked gently as he poured a refill. “What guy is this?  And…what did he ask you to do for that kind of money?”

She shrugged, unconcerned. “Just some rich guy. He wanted to know how many people had come in today, and then for me to let him hang around in my hut until his friend got there.”

“So you left your post?” Logan said disapprovingly. “What time did he arrive? What did he do? What friend was he meeting?”

“He paid me five gold pieces so he could sit in a shed” she told him. “If the guy wanted a horse he could have just bought one. And I just went and sat on the roof anyway, the market was way too busy.”

“Smart.” Virgil said. She glared at him, just long enough to let him know that his approval meant nothing, before continuing.

“He came just after four o’clock, that’s when Tommy goes home and I take over. And he didn’t do anything. Just sat there all grouchy. Then he left with the pretty guy.”

“Pretty?” Logan asked sharply, making Lucy giggle.

“Yeaaaah he had pretty eyes and a lute and really cute short hair. He was way better looking than the rich guy. I think he was a musician.” She sighed.

The three men glanced at each other, excitement building.

“Was he being taken by force?” Logan asked, steepling his hands “Could you see any sign of a struggle? Was he restrained in some way?”

“Logan don’t scare the kid for fucks sake.”

“Oh sorry, the one you kidnapped?”

“Guys.” Patton’s glare quelled them both into silence. Lucy took a long sip of tea, thinking before answering.

“He just walked up to him and they left together right away. I couldn’t hear nothin' but, they didn’t have time to say more than hello before they left.”

“So much for that theory.” Virgil muttered, disappointment settling in his chest. Not that he wanted Logan to be right, that Roman had been taken away by force but- this meant he really had just decided to leave them.

Logan wasn’t convinced. “A physical struggle is not necessarily required to move someone against their will – he could have been coerced.”

“How coercive can you be in one sentence??”

“If he was lying in wait and recognised him instantly the obviously we can assume they knew each other.” Logan told him snottily “Groundwork could have been laid beforehand.”

Virgil frowned, he hadn’t thought of that. But Roman hadn’t arrived until well past four – how had the mystery man known to come to this particular inn?

“Can you tell us anything about the first man?” Patton asked Lucy, “What he looked like or – ooh how about you draw a picture of him!” he produced Romans notebook from his pocket and opened it too a blank page.

“He was just some old rich guy,” she insisted “he was wearing one of those fancy patchwork coats. Pink and blue, and he had dark hair…” she shrugged. ”I don’t remember anything else, sorry Mister Pat.”

“What about an emblem?” Logan asked.

“What’s that?”

“A symbol of his house. Lots of rich people have them, maybe on a bit of jewellery or embroidered on his clothing?”

“He had a cape clasp with a pattern on it.” She said doubtfully, “it wasn’t fancy though just- here – “ she took the note book from Patton and hastily scribbled three interlocking Vs, the largest in the centre.

“We can go to the library and look for it when they open.” Logan told them brightly “If it’s one of the noble houses in the city we should be able to find an address.”

“And we can go see the cro – the customer too” Patton added putting a hand on the scholars shoulder, “Logan says Roman seemed down after they left- she might know something.”

“Right.” Virgil nodded absently.

“One of us should go to the city gates before they open,” Logan continued, “If he still intends to leave the city we can watch for him there.”

Virgil thought of the hordes of people making their way through the city gates. Spotting one man in amongst that throng was going to be near impossible. And even if they found a symbol that matched the child’s drawing, there was no guarantee they would be able to track down the owner. And from Logan's description, Roman hadn’t left his sight whilst they were at The Crones house, what could she possibly tell them that they didn’t already know?

And even if they found him. What good was that, if he truly wanted to leave? It’s not like they could order him to stay.

He felt one large, warm hand land on his shoulder and squeeze gently. “We’ll find him.” Patton told him reassuringly. At the table, Logan was scribbling in his note book again, eyes bright with excitement as he continued the barrage of questions at an amused looking Lucy.

Virgil nodded, and did his best to smile back.

It had been a long week on top of a long month of traveling, and none of their leads were things they could follow right now. They needed to sleep. Get enough rest for a full day of bard hunting in the morning.

And then, well.

If Roman wanted to leave he could leave.

But he was going to damm well explain himself to his family first.

Virgil glanced at Lucy who was watching them with open curiosity.

“I don’t suppose we could convince you not to mention the whole…kidnapping thing to the land lord right?”

She smiled at him. “That’s gonna cost you more than tea.”

Vigil sighed.

chapter 6 

[infjsnightmare]

Wedding Aesthetics: Dazai

A/N: This was requested by @pompompurin1028 I think Dazai is definitely on the more non-traditional side of things. He wants his wedding to be less about the expectations people will have about the wedding and more about just celebrating the things he and his S/O love. He wouldn't want a huge fuss made about planning this or that, but he would absolutely want to be the one making the fuss over his S/O. This is a man who practices some vows in front of a mirror, but just ends up winging it at the alter pouring his entire heart out, while pretending he isn't tearing up. And he knows his S/O will do the same. I think he would pick sky blue as his wedding color, telling his S/O that they've opened up the sky for him.

*************************************************

If his S/O is fem: He wants his S/O to be relaxed and confident in a dress that is uniquely her. I think he'd like something a little more casual, but wouldn't mind seeing some skin. Something his S/O can slip into and out of quite easily. Also something she can move and dance and run around with him in. He just wants her to feel like herself. If she isn't someone who is usually dolled up, then he doesn't want her to change her usual routine. He might like a little extra attention to his S/O hair so he can run his fingers through it and watch it move with her when they dance.

If his S/O is masc/Dazai's clothes: This man wants to wear matching outfits with his masc S/O, please just let him. He wants to feel like a unit, like the two of them are halves of one whole. Life makes sense with him by his side and he wants to show the world. Dazai would like his S/O to wear white with him. Dazai thinks he looks good in white and he wants to look attractive to his S/O on their wedding day. Dazai probably wouldn't get a suit that is too restricting or has too many layers since he wants to play around and have fun with his S/O. I think a nice button up and a suit vest would be his top pick, since he can also comfortably wear his bandages underneath. He would probably prefer to wear his normal trousers, but in matching colors with his S/O. He would also do that sideswept hairstyle(like in dead apple). Please, the man even showered for the occasion!

Bouqet/ Boutonniere: Dazai is tasking Kenji with handpicking the bouquet and boutonniere flowers. He thinks that the natural look of the wild flowers complements the wild look he sometimes sees in his S/O's eyes. He also thinks that hand-picked flowers have more meaning. He used to have enough money to buy what he wanted, so he would focus more on the things that can be hand-done for the wedding. He would go out on his own searching for blue wild flowers to add to the bouquet and boutonniere to make sure they match though.

The Rings: This boy is getting matching ring finger tattoos He would want wedding bands that have a design related to something the two of them really love. They would be different shapes according to what they each like, but the same thematically, so he feels like they belong together. He would never take it off. That ring is never getting washed. He would also constantly be trying the ring on before the wedding, savoring how it feels. When he is exchanging rings, he seems as smug and confident as ever, but his hand is trembling. If he ever sees his S/O without the ring on, he would probably be heartbroken, even though y'know, they're probably just cleaning it.

The Venue: He wants marry his S/O someplace that has a significant meaning to both of them. It doesn't matter if they met at the literal garbage dump or The Lupin and they hang out there for fun, he will have his wedding there if it means something to them. This man is done with the decorum of the world. His S/O is his world, so he wants to relive all those memories on his wedding day. There isn't any need for a large venue since it will be an intimate gathering of only those people most important to him and his S/O. He would at least put in the elbow grease to make sure that wherever he picked was up to his S/O standards appearance-wise. Dazai cleaning? Yeah, it's more likely than Kunikida thought.

Decorations: All the decorations are hand made and painted the same shade of sky blue. Dazai makes dates with his S/O out creating the decorations. He will use old, cleaned out sake bottles as vases and have his S/O paint little designs on them. He'll also make decorations out of photos of him and his S/O. He has a lot of chaotic energy, so some of these dates were at 2am when neither of them could sleep.

The Wedding Cake: The cake is half of a flavor he likes and half of a flavor his S/O likes since he wanted them both to like it. Taste matters far more than appearance to Dazai. He and his S/O hand-made the cake too. It is a far cry from professional, but he will pour his heart and soul into making it together. He kind of likens it to making a baby with his S/O since it is something they both created together. The decoration on it will be simple, since Dazai doesn't want it to look atrocious from using techniques that he and his S/O haven't mastered.

After the Wedding: Dazai thought for a very long time about where he would take his S/O, but they would probably never know that. Because where they end up going for their honeymoon is to their new shared apartment. Dazai made sure to take the week off from work and stock the apartment with enough snacks and video games and activities to last. He prepared a pillow fort in the living room with a mattress in the middle for them to sleep in. Not that they'll be doing much sleeping. And set up lots of candles to set an ambience. There's only one place in the world he wants to go, and that is home where his S/O is.

[arbitrarygreay]

I watched all of Killjoys with @mimeparadox! - This being my third time through seasons 1 and 2, I probably enjoyed Dutch-D'avin the most I ever have, really seeing what the show was trying to convey with that relationship. That said, I still do not like the show's attempt to make them do insipid romantic fluff at the end of S4 and S5. They still work best as comrades. - There is no best season of the show. S2=S3=S4 > S1 > S5. S2 is the best the show does with its class conflicts, having discarded the Pretty People Dramz of S1. S3 is the most coherent in its character themes, everything lensed through the tragedy of Dutch and Aneela. S4 does the most payoff for all of the relationships in the show.

- Oh, poor S5. This is the first time I've rewatched it, and I did still have a good time. Basically, S5's weaknesses all have to do with it being the final season. The Prison arc is actually quite fun...so long as it has nothing to do with The Lady. In general, the show is not as good as when it remembers that they have to tie things up and finish off this alien invasion storyline. They're great at the serialized character/relationship elements, less good at the serialized plot parts. - The Prison arc shows that Lovretta could definitely be the showrunner for a classic spy competence porn show a la Nikita. - The Lady is still great as Khlyen's third failure as The Worst Dad to Murderous Teenage Daughter. The reason I love her as a garbage fave, whereas Angel's Connor is a (hah) narrative killjoy, is that The Lady's behavior does not cause the other characters to betray themselves. For the most part, The Lady incites the others to do more competence porn, whereas Connor just incited tedious interpersonal Dramz (with maybe the exception of the return of murderous Fred). - mimeparadox and I have discovered across watching multiple shows that the best character archetype is an ultra-competent slightly neurotic uptight character getting blindsided by their Feelings (bonus points if said Feelings are romantic). We have named this archetype Paris, named after Paris Gellar from Gilmore Girls. The Paris is such a powerful type, especially as a Big Bad, that Killjoys does it twice in a row, with Aneela and The Lady. - Intriguingly, I finally saw what the show was trying to do with a series-long arc for Johnny. - In S1, the seeds are planted for the fact that Johnny wants to do more than survive, he wants to have a stronger emotional anchor than just being with Dutch (he is Dutch's gravity, but the reverse isn't true). In S1, this manifests in his being intrigued by Scarback spirituality. In S2, this manifests in his becoming more invested in Westerley's class politics (with Pawter) than Dutch's more self-centered investigation of the Hullen. And in S5, he decides that being a rootless Killjoy isn't viable in the long term. He doesn't want the warrant to be all. - Of course, the execution gets muddled, because Johnny on the mission Fun Train is entirely too compelling, as are his dynamics with everyone else on the team. Note how S3 and S4 aren't mentioned above, as in those seasons, with the exception of the Hackmod Arc, Johnny is focused on Dutch's war with Aneela and The Lady. The fact that there's no issue with the character dropping his series arc for two seasons shows that this arc isn't really critical to his character at all. - And that's exactly the conclusion that the show itself comes to, with the Oneyer absence tossed aside in the end for a "one for the road" of indefinite length. - Part of this, though, is not a betrayal of the series arc because at the end of the series, Johnny is not still simply a Killjoy, for whom the warrant is all. He's a new Level Six, and so has a purpose to genuinely care about (which also happens to enable his pursuing the other missions he wants on the side, like The Factory). - I got a better sense for Dutch's series long arc, too, which was really interesting, because she is never actually a hero in her own motivation. She is basically selfishly motivated from beginning to end, but just slightly growing the circle of who she considers under her protection. Dutch's driving motivation at the beginning of the series is to flee anything that might impinge on her personal freedom. Then, she decides to fight back instead of flee, which means that she seeks having just enough power to do so. S4 is about how she balks at the responsibility that comes with it, which we discover is rooted in how she's having an identity crisis about her biological family. In S5, she comes to a more stable place in her identity and how much responsibility she's willing to take on to defend her home, but grapples with some of the remaining things impinging on her emotional freedom (the loss of the certainty of Johnny, and then cycle of Khlyen's abuse). - Which is to say, it's pretty cool that we get to have a science fiction where where the central protagonist gets to be basically a shameless charismatic hedonist. She's all but said that she's basically outsourced her morality to the rest of her team. This is a rare character complexity for any genre show protagonist, much less a lady. And it makes the writing extra impressive for setting up the plot and world so that such a protagonist gets guided into doing heroic actions entirely on following a selfish priority through the incentive gradients. - This is all really only possible because Turin is a good boss, though. If she had a RAC supervisor who played power politics with her, she'd be toast (and probably quit the RAC to fly away in a heartbeat). Of course, that Turin is a good boss is meant to illustrate how the RAC is a an outfit that takes in misfits, people who are loathe to (and already failed to) play traditional social politics as opposed to mere sportsmanship competition (thing-oriented people over person-oriented people). They have to be the kind of people who could ever believe that the Warrant is all in the first place. - Killjoys never truly grapples with its politics. I stand by my previous stance that this is a good thing, because the very core build of its protagonists prevents that. This show, ah, kind of embraces ACAB as a good thing, nothing of which to mention how Delle Seyah and Aneela becoming allies therefore results in a "yasss genocidal girlboss aristocracy slay" conclusion? ("Colonialism is good if they appoint an emotionally invested immigrant warlord as governor") - Killjoys' broader wonky politics doesn't bother me, because FUN TRAIN! DO NOT STOP THE FUN TRAIN!! Seriously, there were definitely plot holes in this show that never went away, and I did not really care because almost every given moment of the show was delightful. The lore of how Hullen/The Green worked was laughably inconsistent, and I did not really care because the lore was whatever it was at the moment to enable storylines that were really fun. In fact, joking about the inconsistency of the lore therefore became its own pleasure, because it still did not detract from my enjoyment of canon. Altered Carbon shows how the prestige version of Killjoys would have been no fun at all. Down with Prestige TV. Which isn't to say that I've changed my mind on character vs. world-building as source for plots! I remain dedicated to my apathy to Wynonna Earp, which is a show which nominally builds its world/plot to service character, but leaves me cold. What Killjoys has, in contrast, is a rock solid world-building foundation, and then we watch the fireworks of character reacting to the setting and each other, with characters themselves serving as expressions of world-building. This is why Killjoys' writing is weakest when it has to plot for the sake up wrapping up plot and character threads, instead of plot as per how character interactions with the world organically develop. The way this doesn't contradict with the above is that Killjoys firmly declares what parts of the world-building are really important, which is the setup of institutions that determines the power-dynamics between any two given characters. Plot elements that aren't about that can be wishy-washy without therefore making the characters look incompetent. (With the exception of "stick a knife in the necks of all of the Hullen already!" because that's a very tangible action anyone can do, as opposed a squishy genre detail.)

[queerbreadcrumbs]

Getting married as a baby trans

I’m a little late to the party and pretty old for a “baby” trans. I’m 24. Having said that, most of my family and friends have not been at all surprised by my coming out. For me, becoming engaged was one of the things that cracked my egg. When it comes right down to it, it was that and the pandemic that put it all into perspective for me. September was a hectic month, I got engaged and got a new job. Both of these things were positive changes for me, but that’s still a LOT of change. 

What this means is though, I’ve been engaged and planning a wedding while transitioning and figuring out my gender identity. The conclusion I’ve come to is essentially that I am a transmasculine person, who uses they/them pronouns but is also fine with he/him. I have a new name which most people now use, I’ve been out at work as non binary for most of the time I’ve had that job now, I bind probably more than I should because it makes me feel awesome and I’ve been referred to a gender clinic which is cool. This is all good stuff, and I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made with my gender in the last year. 

But in that time, I’ve also been planning a wedding and navigating through all the heteronormative, cisnormative and heavily gendered bullshit that is wedding culture. Lots of pretty wedding dresses, some of which I even tried on. I felt so awful and wrong in all of them. I honestly left the first bridal shop in serious doubt as to whether or not I should get married at all. But then I got home, and I looked at my partner’s face. Sometimes it feels like I can't contain how much I love him. So no, its not that I shouldn’t get married. I tried again, and this was better. Some of the dresses I looked fine in, like I looked okay. But didn’t feel comfortable, didn’t feel like me. What’s the point in dropping over £1k on a dress that makes you uncomfortable, even just emotionally?

I felt like I was running out of time to get my wedding outfit sorted. My grandfather gave me some money and I bought a dress online from Ghost of London. It cost less than £200 which is frankly a great price for a bridal gown. I bought a lace topper and a lace edge veil from Etsy. Again, I look nice. I look “like a bride should” in the traditional sense. I just wanted to be seen as good enough, for one day of my life. Even now, I can’t seem to stop doing things that make me unhappy or uncomfortable just for a shred of external validation. 

But the decision began to weigh on me, and I expressed concerns to my partner that I didn’t want to wear a dress, and wanted to wear a suit instead. I bought a powder blue women’s suit from Mango. Again it fits and its fine, but I’m not sure its me. It doesn’t look right if I wear it with a binder either. Men’s suits don’t look right on me because of my gargantuan hips. I look like I’m either wearing a victorian bustle or like I’m wearing something that actually belongs to my dad. I’ve spent all this money on two outfits, neither of which I particularly like, and can’t afford to get something tailored or altered to fit me properly, while still allowing me to look masculine. That’s it, I’ve fucked it, I’m going to have to “do drag” at my own wedding. My partner is going to marry someone dressed in drag. 

But I’ve accepted that, that’s just how it is. I’ll get married in the dress to appease my family and then change into the suit once the paperwork is signed because it is more comfortable for me, and less formal.

Because my name hasn’t yet been legally changed yet though, (I thought it would be easier to do this once married, as I will also be taking my partner’s surname) the entire process has just been awful. Vendors, registrars ect all keep dead naming and misgendering me, constantly. Every. Single. Interaction. The ceremony has to be performed with my legal name, rather than my actual name. I started contacting vendors and booking suppliers before I changed my name, and on an almost daily basis, I think things like “Is it worth outing myself to the person who’s making our wedding cake?” 

Having to give notice at the registry office of our intention to marry. “ you are *deadname*, you are female, you haven’t been known by any other name legally?” and having to betray myself by saying yes. Telling the registrar that I don’t like or use my given name and asking her to please call me something else, only to have her only use my legal name throughout the entire process.

I saw a vision of my wedding day, three months from now. My gender identity being invalidated because I wore a dress for the first few hours. Being dead named and misgendered all day by well meaning family. Being read as a straight couple instead of the wonderful gay dudes that we are. Being called a Bride, Mrs. Spending our wedding night crying myself to sleep and battling dysphoria instead of consummating my marriage to a wonderful man. This is not how planning a wedding, or indeed the wedding itself is supposed to go.

Planning a wedding and being engaged is supposed to be the most exciting time of your life. I feel like the excitement I was supposed to feel has been stolen from me. Firstly by covid, as everything we booked had to be done with trepidation, with the reminder not to get too excited because “it might end up being postponed anyway.”, having to ask vendors whether it would cost us any more if we did end up having to postpone, them telling stories of phoning other couples on the eve of lockdown announcements to tell them their weddings weren’t going to happen, and every time we booked something praying that wasn’t going to be us. Secondly by not having the mental space to figure all this out earlier. How much further along in my transition would I have been if I’d had the mental space to figure this out when I first moved out of my parent’s place, or hell even younger? How much sooner could I have figured out I was trans if I didn’t have to be such a people pleaser growing up? How much smoother could this have been if I wasn’t early transition AND getting married? If I had already figured this out when he asked me to marry him, I could have had a suit made for me. He’d have asked me to marry him and used my name. My name would already be changed, and my deadname no longer legally binding. 

But despite all this, I still can not wait to marry the love of my life. I can’t wait to put that ring on his finger, hear him say “I do” and admire how wonderful he looks in his suit. It is that thought that keeps me going on the rough days of wedding planning, that before the year is out, we will be a married couple, and I’ll hang a decoration in our home that says “Mr & Mr”, and he’ll hold me as I admire it. 

[ye-bloodeh-liar]

I just finished AC Valhalla – A résumé.

I finished the "main story" of Assassin's Creed Valhalla. These are some thoughts of mine. (This was saved in my drafts for two weeks or so. But my stance hasn't altered. Actually, I'm even angrier now.)

Disclaimer: This obviously contains some spoilers here and there. You've been warned, but tbh, who even cares about the story at this point. Also, I know I don't have many followers, and I suspect none of the few that will come across this post will actually be interested in it. That said, if you like reading people's rants about things, regardless of your interest in video games, this might be something for you. I just needed to get this out of my system somewhere. This is a rant (well, vent? I'm venting, I guess) written as it came to my mind. There's no real structure, I think. Sorry for that in advance.

After Origins, which I thoroughly enjoyed and actually played again between Odyssey and Valhalla, and Odyssey, which's name was perfectly fitting since it felt like a fucking odyssey to grind through, I hoped, actually, I was convinced, Valhalla would right Odyssey's wrongs. You see, Odyssey had one big problem for me: It did none of the things that made and still make me love Origins. In short: The world was massive, but felt copied and pasted, uninteresting to explore and lifeless. Basically, it was a lot of green sprinkled with some olive branches. A lot of the times the only way to know roughly where I am was pulling up the map because based on my surroundings, I could've been anywhere. Compared to the intriguing world of Origins, where you always knew in which area of the map you currently were, this was a shitshow. I mean, just walking through the desert in Origins had more atmosphere than the whole city of Athens (the main fucking city) could ever muster up. (Oh, remember the times of AC Brotherhood, where Rome actually felt like a city even though it wasn't actually humongous like the new games are? Or how atmospheric the whole of AC II was? I mean, Venice? Hello? M a s t e r p i e c e) But I can overlook that. The combat didn't feel heavy, or to put it better, "impactful" like it did in Origins, but more like poking the enemies to their deaths with something that made sword-y sounds. But I can overlook that. The loot system improved a bit, in the sense of giving the option to modify your loot and being able to combine different armor pieces, however, Origins outfit-system was more up my alley. But I can overlook that. Funnily enough, compared to its predecessor, Odyssey looked worse. In Origins the fabric of your outfit look like actual fabric and, I can't stress this enough, waved in the wind. In Odyssey everything felt more static and somehow "fake". But I can overlook that. To me, Origins' story was masterfully done. Personally, I'd say, that this is the closest we've ever gotten to the Ezio-Trilogy. The voice acting was top notch. Bayek was a great character, and the side characters like Aya/Amunet were equally intriguing. I still remember the first time I saw the first confession cutscene after killing Medunamun. It gave me shivers and goosebumps and got me excited for what was about to come. What I want to say with this, is that Origins made me care; care about its characters, care about their backstory and motives, care about the world, etc. After I had finished the DLC The Hidden Ones I felt like I had actually witnessed the igniting spark of something epic, namely the Assassin Brotherhood, in such a chilling way, even though they basically were just chillin' in a cave. Because that's what character building gives you: payoffs. Well, Odyssey did none of that. All it did made me care about was to get all the loot, because that's what my mind always goes for in any game (I'm that kind of stupid ape). I didn't care about what would happen in the end – I just wanted to get there. I wanted to know how the story would end, but in whichever way it would, I knew I wouldn't care for it in the sense of being disappointed or yearning for a different outcome for the character I was so invested in, because, as I said, nothing got me invested in the character(s) in the first place. That's what bugged me the most about Odyssey. Not the flimsy feeling combat, not the husk of a world I found myself in, not the downgrade in design and animation, etc., but the lack of care it invoked.

Now, when Valhalla was originally announced, I was excited as I could be for a video game. Ubisoft was clearly aware of their mistakes with Odyssey and tried to show that they're willing to listen to their fanbase. A world where every area has its own identity? Sounds great. Heavy combat? Hell yeah. Gear and loot that actually matters and is special (unlike in Odyssey where after a few hours of playing you find yourself carrying the same fucking bow 25 times)? Oh my. Choices not for the sake of choices, but story? Yes please. I mean, if you have to implement choices. Even though choices don't really make sense in Assassin's Creed, but that's another topic.

Well, did it deliver (for me)? No. And to be completely honest, I prefer Odyssey, even as the grindfest that it is, over Valhalla, and me replaying Odyssey seems a lot more likely to me, than going through all of Valhalla again. I'm not going to list all of the points mentioned above again in full detail: The world is a bit more intriguing than Greece, but a shadow of what Egypt was. The combat feels heavy, yet every weapon looks too big (????) and it still feels a bit off. My biggest grudge of the minor points is actually the look/the graphics: How on earth does Valhalla manage to look less real than Origins? The fur and pelts on the armor, every piece of cloth, i mean just e v e r y t h i n g looks somewhat plasticy (at loss for a better word here; just compare Origins' outfits in motion to Valhalla's) Anyway, let's get to the real problem here, because all boils down to the point I've mentioned before: Invoking care.

This became very apparent to me after forging the fourth (?; was it the fourth? They all blur together. That's how e n t i c i n g they are. Great.) alliance or so. I didn't give a single fuck about the characters in those arcs. It was very clear that they'd be soon replaced by other characters in the next alliance's arc, which I probably wouldn't care for either, especially, since they all felt somewhat the same: empty. Alliances felt like checklists to do. Even Wincestre, which had an interesting beginning, somehow managed to loose all of its "darkness" after the first two quests. But I could overlook the dreary sidequest-like alliance arcs, if they served the main storyline in some way or form. Now you might ask, what main storyline? E x a c t l y. Looking back, there is none. At least not really. And there where a lot of times playing the game where I found myself wondering, if this alliance-arc-thing I was currently dragging myself through was in fact meant to be the actual story. But it shouldn't be. Was it? I have no fucking clue. My conclusion on what Valhalla's main overarching story is, is what follows:

Eivor's parents got killed when he was a child (never seen before lol), got adopted, and is now part of the Raven clan with his "brother" Sigurd//Sigurd comes home from some raid with the Assassins Basim and Hytham//(Eivor gets the Hidden Blade; I mean, this is an Assassin's Creed game. Big moment. Done in 2 seconds.)//Sigurd and Eivor aren't happy with the new King of Norway.//Sigurd and Eivor fuck off to England (with Basim and Hytham) to set camp there.//Eivor starts to forge alliances throughout England to make his clan's hold on England stronger.// Sigurd and Basim do their own thing.//Eivor meets Sigurd and Basim two or three times throughout his alliance forging.//Basim seems a bit off.//Sigurd says that he was told (by Basim?) that he is a descendant of the gods.// Sigurd wants to "pursue his destiny"// (sidenote: the last few things are all within one (!) short cutscene in a small house. d e v e l o p m e n t.)//Sigurd gets captured and tortured and loses his hand.//Eivor rescues Sigurd.// Sigurd is back in the settlement.//Sigurd distrusts Eivor because Eivor doesn't believe Sigurd and Sigurd thinks Eivor wants to take his title as the jarl (jarls are the bosses of settlements).// And then the end sequence hits. This is where I want to go into somewhat detail again. We go from Sigurd distrusts Eivor to "Eivor, I don't wanna be the boss of the town, so I don't hold a grudge anymore, let's go back to Norway and I'll show you I was right all along" like it's nothing. It's literally just that: You walk up to Sigurd, he says this (more or less) and you sail away. Again: development is taken very seriously in this game. Honestly, at this point I didn't even know that this was going to trigger the ending. My genuine thoughts were "Oh my, finally, after all this grinding, the story is going to start." when in reality of course, ironically, it was going to end. Absolute belter. So you sail to Norway with Sigurd, which takes fucking forever, because OF COURSE you have to sail (for everyone who didn't play the game, yes, sail, that means looking at a viking longship while occasionally moving the stick slightly to change its directions slightly) to your original settlement in Norway, for what feels like far too long, only to say Hi to your dad. Fucking lost it. I thought we were going to assassinate the King? Nah bruv let's just have some quick family talk instead. Some action? Nah. Just get back to the longship. A N D S T A R T S A I L I N G A G A I N. Where? Just around the curve of our settlement in Norway. Yes, they pulled the old trick of the ending is literally just right around the corner of your starting position hehe. Absolute belter. Is this to make it seem like something is about to happen? The calm before the storm? It doesn't work like that. Well, then you actually sail through a storm (lol), which doesn't matter, because Sigurd just says "Let's keep going" and, well, you keep going. Also, to this point the weather conditions have never affected neither Eivors health, nor the ship in any way whatsoever, so why should I be impacted by a storm now? Like, it's a nice thing for atmosphere, but at least make the ship harder to steer or something. Then you walk up a mountain. Funnily enough Sigurd walks in manner that shows that the walk against the storm isn't easy, whereas you, hah, you can just yeet yourself up that mountain like nothing. I could sprint up there. Fucking sprint. Anyway, Eivor and Sigurd enter the Isu temple, because of course, we had to throw an Isu temple in there, I mean, i t ' s A s s a s s i n ' s C r e e d. Was it hinted at before in the story? Not really. Were we chasing or searchig for it? Nah, better get that next alliance going. It just suddenly was. Again: development. So we walk to the main platform of the temple and activate the machine and bam we're in Valhalla (because at some point Ubisoft realised that maybe they should include what is literally in the name of the game). Again, were we looking for Valhalla? Like not in the sense that every viking was, but more in the sense

of was it the main objective of the game? Did Eivor look for a way to Valhalla? Was there anything that led us here other than Sigurd having had a few dreams (that only got mentioned, like, twice?) and being influenced into thinking he was a demigod or something? Nope, Eivor was looking for that next alliance to forge. So, Eivor realises that his experience of Valhalla is fake and he wants to get out. But fake-Odin doesn't want to let him go. In a really weird cutscene (jump to 6:30), Eivor eventually escapes Odin and enters a door with his settlement-family (look, I'm all here for metaphors, but this, this is just utter rubbish. It just doesn't make sense, and there is no payoff whatsoever). Odin actually had a build-up of some sort. In every assassination sequence he's there and talks with Eivor. I actually thought there would be some cool payoff/ending/reveal here. But nah, this ain't it chief. Yet somehow, until here, I had hope. I thought maybe now, building on all this confusion, there's gonna be a relatively good ending. Something enticing. Something that made everything somewhat worthwile. And Ubisoft went: Lol nah. So, you're out of the Isu machine again (for all the non-AC-peoples here: basically like the matrix. Eivor gets hooked up to the machine and experiences alternate reality: Valhalla), and Basim is there. What a twist. The guy that showed up like three times and went from friendly in the first time to super suspicious (like glaring-in-your-face-suspicious) in the two-or-so other major cutscenes he was in, has now been revealed as the enemy. Congrats to that. What a twist. The thing is, and this bothers me a lot actually, it could have been anyone there. It didn't need to be Basim. It wouldn't have felt out of place if it wasn't him. Why? Because Ubisoft failed terribly at making you connect to any character and at building any actual story (or character). It could have been Gunnar, the friendly black-smith in our settlement, and it would have been as fitting as Basim. Then Basim says that this is "for his son". Ah yes, the lost son of Basim, which was mentioned once. Right. Eivor defeats Basim by hooking him up on the Isu machine and gets back to the settlement with Sigurd (in my ending at least. There seems to be a possible ending in which Sigurd doesn't come back.) Cut to the modern day, where Layla now knows the coordinates of the Isu temple, goes there, hooks herself up to the machine, becomes the overseer of time with the other overseer of time which already was hanging out there (I mean yeah, great idea, terrible execution. Build it up, then you can have a payoff. This was just straight outta nowhere, and who cared about Layla anyway.) Anyway, meanwhile Basim, who was still hanging on that machine a fuck ton of years later, pops off, and is now living in the modern day. The idea here is, that we lost the hero (Layla) which caused the (just established) vilain (Basim) to do his fuckery in the modern day. But why should I care? Basim was basically nonexistent in the basically nonexistent story and suddendly I should feel sad or shocked, because he's in the modern day? Is this supposed to be intriguing? And yeah, Layla is "gone". Layla, who had no character building over three fucking games. Why should i be bothered? Why should I care about anything that just happened? Remember when a side character (Lucy) died in AC Brotherhood? That was intriguing. Why? Because they built her as a character we (Desmond) trusted, even though it was in the modern day (which no one really cares about in AC). And this is why Valhalla broke me and Odyssey didn't. Valhalla failed to make me care on a much deeper level. It's just a lot of nothingness. Empty characters in a nonexistent story. And by nonexistent, I mean non-built at all. When I play the game now, I have no actual reason, and throughout the game never actually had any actual reason, to continue. It was a chore. I didn't bother if after three hours of grind I would eventually get a mini-snippet of a husk of a story, and neither do I care now. Everything in

this game is so devoid of sparking curiosity and screams of lacklusterness to the point where I don't even know what I have actually expierenced. For fuck's sake Ubisoft, make me care again. At least once in 40 hours.

May I sum up Valhalla's "story" and content in the glorious words of Catherine Tate: Am I bovvered? The answer, sadly, is a holistic no.

[astro-pioneer]

Anyway thoughts about Dain and others. I'm gonna separate this into different parts since it's probably gonna get confusing. Might do a second part for certain parts of this.

So to get as accurate as possible I did search for more information about The Abyss and Khaenri'ah

OK so I'll give a little back story before diving into my thoughts: Khaenri'ah is an underground unreleased section where, in Dain's words, "the gods' gaze does not fall". It is the origin of Khemia, a type of alchemy heavily focused on the creation of life that ultimately destroyed it. Also, for the Sword Cemetery, that is a result of a war between Mondstadt and Khaenri'ah.

Khemia

Anyway thought time - so since Knaenri'ah has very little fauna and plants they have to find a way to survive and get food and whatnot - hence the creation of Khemia. Now, since there's no information on the aftermath of using Khemia on let's say a human, we're going to make assumptions.

So obviously altering with human life is bound to have it's backlashes, right? My three main bully victims are going to be Kaeya, Albedo, and Dain. Kaeya first: he was sent to Mondstadt as a last hope for his original homeland (I got too lazy to type it continuously) so I'm gonna assume that, before he was dropped off at Dawn Winery, he went through some alterations.

Kaeya

And you guys are gonna get mad but I'm gonna talk about his eye patch. Now, my assumption with the backlash is that it does something physical to the person undergoing Khemia. And yes, while Noelle does say she prepares Kaeya's eye patch, that doesn't necessarily mean that she puts it on him and has seen him without it.

Seeing as though Khemia isn't well-known by the common folk and is concerning to the gods (at least to Venti - thoughts on this later) it's best to hide any evidence of it when around people. That might be Kaeya's case with his eye patch, especially with the issue with Diluc and his father.

Albedo

Listen I hate myself for even starting this but I'm too far deep to give up so we gotta talk about his sexy ass. Now, his diamond. If that's a birthmark then holy hell that's one gorgeous mark. BUT I don't think it is. Since he's the one who practices Khemia, he probably knows how to manipulate the placement to be somewhere hidden or so small you can't see it.

Lmao that kinda contradicted my diamond topic but my thought behind that is that he got that from his teacher (I REFUSE to type that long ass name ok) before he knew the art himself. Him knowing the practice and Venti's wariness of it makes more sense now - will be explained soon.

Dain

THIS BITCH- Ok I need more content of him so I can understand him more but I hate him so muuuuuch. So since he admits that he saw Old Mondstadt before Dvalin resided in it, I immediately thought to the battle at Sword Cemetery even though it doesn't fit with the geography (be honest though nothing matches the geography since the "Wolf of the North" is in the wEST) and you can't see it even from atop the logs (before anyone says anything, yes, I did check with the tallest character I have and yes, I did blind myself at one in the morning just for that.)

Anyway we're getting off topic what I wanted to talk about is the galaxy thing right over his heart. This is going to be short since there's not a lot about him but it's very obvious that it's not natural (well duh) and it reminds me of the particles that erupt from Paimon and that appears out of Aether's hand for an idle animation (I, personally, chose Aether for the MC so I will be using him most of the the time). However, there's noy a lot on him and his attire so this is all I really have.

Venti and Khemia

So a little while ago someone found out that in front of Venti's statue in front of the cathedral it says "Gate to Celestia" backwards. And I do love the theories from many others about how the game might end right where it started, aka Mondstadt. Khaenri'ah dislikes the gods and is not under rule of the Seven and, with Kaeya as a "last hope" so to speak, I feel like (if he doesn't get too attached to everyone) Kaeya and possibly Albedo as well, is going to lead the hilichurls and possibly the Abyss to Mondstadt to open the gate to destroy Celestia.

This is probably why Venti is wary of anyone who knows Khemia or is a known member of Khaenri'ah. This is far fetched but what if he knows of a possible ending without the traveller that is Mondstadt and possibly Teyvat as a whole being destroyed? It's obvious that history and stories are told through songs and, as Venti said in the archon quest, he knows songs "from the past, present, and future."

The Abyss ft. Khaenri'ah & Dain (again)

This is probably going to be the biggest since there's a lot of parts to it. So it's been confirmed that the hilichurls, the people of Khaenri'ah, are being controlled by the Abyss. My thought process was that the Abyss was once a part of Khaenri'ah but there was so much Khemia practice on them that they became less and less human. On a similar note, Instagram user natrya_art made her own theory based off of the Abyss and the chambers just off of the opening screen itself (also one about Dain, Durin, and Alberich (Kaeya's last name) that's still on her story :D).

You guys are probably like "Astro where are you going with this" so I'll stop adding random information and get on with it. Dain specifically only mentions Lumine with "her" and "she" along with "is" and similar present tenses, meaning that she is still alive during whatever time he comes from (as he will decide fate himself if "Albedo were to make a single wrong move using Khemia" (possibly opening the gate) and that's the only time he'll interfere). It's obvious he knows Aether, as he's very easy to talk once he mentions being a traveller. Now, when have you ever heard anyone in genshin mention traveller that is not about Aether/Lumine? Exactly, barely ever if at all.

I mention this since Dain's interest isn't peaked when Aether introduces himself as an adventurer but only after he says he's a traveller looking for his sibling. I, personally, think that Dain was a travel buddy for Lumine since, branching off of Natrya's theory about the Abyss, she was probably brought to the Abyss when they were fighting on one of the paths in Celestia in the beginning.

Since Lumine is trying to redirect Aether from finding out anything about her plans, it shows that she does not want him to either catch her trying to destroy the world or get caught in the crossfire and die. In the time where Dain comes from, though, that's probably what happened and the Abyss wins in the end. So Dain, already knowing where Lumine and the Abyss went, brings Aether to every location that he can remember.

During the old timeline, let's call it that since it's obviously going to change with Aether having help from Dain and Friends™, Lumine most likely talked about Aether and what happened to them. Maybe Dain was just trying to see if he was the real Aether during the tavern scene? No one knows right now honestly (other than the voice actors and creators honestly but they can't say anything.)

It's also obvious that he knows how far Aether is on his journey, as he mentions the Contract to End All Contracts but not why it was made or what the Tsaritsa did with them all while knowing about Venti being Barbatos and the Stormterror battle. This could just be blamed on his failing memory but that's not the case, as he says that he doesn't lack time and will wait to talk about Rex Lapis. However, it's obvious he only knows one side of it, as Aether and the player know of Zhongli being a player in the Rite of Descension but Dain doesn't, as he questions his attitude towards it.

Prophecy

This is copied from Dain's profile on the genshin wiki: The confluence between the past and future. The original calamity had been overturned, yet the island in the sky set the earth to burn. Chalk pursues gold, in this time inopportune, the eclipse is swallowed by the crimson moon. The future must atone for bygone mistakes, as the bond familiar falters and breaks— of the same blood, elders and the youth... Such is the cycle of the world, in truth. Dain, what is that strand of blonde hair to you? Someone you must kill? Or the object of your penitence? - Self-proclaimed prophet

I changed the colour of the parts I want to talk about. The first line is obviously referring to Dain and his connection with going back in time to change the future he came from. "The island in the sky" is Celestia, and the line about setting earth alit could be talking about the gate opening or the gods thinking it'll be best to destroy earth to save themselves.

"Chalk pursues gold." THIS LINE. This one line is what I want to talk about a lot. Gold is not referring to the alchemist who destroyed Khaenri'ah, as it's not uppercased as all names should be. Instead, it's referring to Aether. (Note: the game is actually supposed to take place as you playing as Aether, which is why he's always in the trailers as the protagonist and is more expressive). Aether has multiple gold or gold coloured parts to him, including his hair, parts of his outfit, and it can even be argued that his eyes can be included too. Chalk is, obviously, Albedo, which connects to the quest about him where he's called the Chalk Prince when Dragonspine was introduced. Speaking of Dragonspine, Durin (the dragon that died there) actually came out of Khaenri'ah. Weird how Albedo is almost always in Dragonspine right? The pursuing part can go two ways: his ending line about how if he [Albedo] destroys Mondstadt, will Aether be there to stop him OR to make sure Aether is there to watch him destroy it. A third side is that Albedo pursues Lumine to help with her plan of Destroying Mindstadt/Teyvat.

Crimson moon is obviously about one of the trailers, where I think Lumine is seen walking on the path where her and Aether fought the god in Celestia with a red moon and sky in the background.

"Bond familiar falters and breaks - of the same blood, elders and youth" Aether and Lumine. I feel as though one of them (Aether most likely) will feel the most betrayed and he will lose all trust and love in Lumine and what's she's doing/done. Elders and youth is interesting. It can be nodding at the gods and the people of Teyvat or the gap between Lumine and how she's grown old while Aether died when he was young.

"That strand of blolde hair." English classes and teachers do not teach this enough!!! So I'll say it: blond, with no 'e' is masculine and is used to describe males. Blonde WITH an 'e' is feminine and for females. The use of blonde instead of blond eliminates Aether, Albedo, and Dain. The only blond we really encountered? Lumine. And I can already see the "well what if they didn't know the difference between e and no e" but we're talking about a game where a god dressed as a bard speaks in rhymes and riddles while Dain speaks like hes a poet. They know what they did. This might hint to him being the former travel companion of Lumine and any possible feelings he had that might get in the way of stopping him from helping everyone to stop her.

The Three Questions

When talking to Dain he asks three questions in order to see how similar your thought process is to Lumine. "Who do you think was the key to stopping the Stormterror incident" or something along the lines is the first question. Your answers are Barbatos, yourself, or the people. I will try to go off of memory with my answers, as his quest has yet to be added to the completed quests, as it's in chapter four which hasn't been released yet. I answered Barbatos for this question.

The next one is about Liyue and who will take care of it since Rex Lapis is no longer there to protect it. I said the people of the harbour, which was the third question. The last one is about Visions and who are more important in the eyes of the gods. The three answers are people with visions, without visions, or neither. I answered neither, giving me the dialogue of Aether's answers being similar to Lumine's.

Vision Question

The one about Visions struck me as odd. Visions are given by gods to people that they have acknowledged, yeah? Khaenri'ah isn't acknowledged by the gods and isn't run by any of the Seven. So that means that no one who resided in Khaenri'ah were never helped or were given visions. So why would Dain ask about them? I think it's due to Aether and most likely Lumine being able to weild the elements without a vision. There's also two certain dialogue options that are in the form of thoughts (I do not remember what quests they're from however) and the first one is like "(I'm getting back to my original strength)" I think it was in regards to getting geo too or something while the other one is "(I wish to get the powers of the gods)" or something.

When I first got them I paused for a second. Original strength and the powers of the gods... This obviously means the fact that with one touch of a statue we can switch to that element and can be "blessed" so to speak without actually being blessed. Also I've been meaning to talk about this ever since I leveled up Venti's statue but so far both Mondstadt and Liyue have an extra oculus. This is probably going to be for every region. I found that interesting, since you usually almost always interact with the statues with specific oculi, making it more powerful and giving you more stamina in the process. I think we have to use the extra one to fully harness the powers of that god in order to beat the final boss (probably Lumine.) They are also under the "Precious Items" tab in your inventory which is somewhat significant as well.

I'm gonna end this theory here for now since it got extremely long lmao. A part two might be coming though!

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece 1000 - 10 Confessions as a One Piece Fan

Although we did the Initial Thoughts a week ago (a long week ago, damn) which you can read here I wanted to do something for the official release of One Piece’s 1000th Chapter At first it started out to be ‘10 things I wanna ask Oda that I don’t think we’ll ever know’ but I couldn’t think of 10, then I was gonna do a General opinion post about it, but didn’t want it to come off too negative. So I am settling on a confessions post, which will have elements of these anyway.

So as we have a happy 1000, let’s talk about some stuff I usually don’t get to talk about in One Piece

Note: There will probably be spoilers so make sure you’re up to date

10. Late Beginnings I think the first confession I have to have is that despite being older than One Piece I am unfortunately not a ‘Day One’ fan. In fact I think I mainly got into One Piece around mid-Whole Cake Island arc, before I had of course known about One Piece, it was a ‘Big Three’ anime after all but the most I knew about it was that they had a guy named Luff-y and another called Zorro, and it was about ‘Pirates who can’t swim’. My curiosity only developed when in a youtube deep-dive of anime clips I kept being recommended One Piece clips, and decided to give a couple a go. Most of them were Paradise arc stuff from the anime, the dub voices were mostly atrocious so I stuck to sub. I was happily surprised about the amount of fun and emotional weight these clips gave me, which led me to check where One Piece was as of current and backtrack from there (Ironically I did the same with Beastars). I did eventually get caught up around the time of the Mafia Meeting and I’ve kept up with each chapter since.

9. I mostly still prefer the Pre-Timeskip looks When I first felt this I thought it to be pretty controversial, nowadays not so much. I understand that Oda wanted to change the look for many characters but some of them did feel like a downgrade. I think the ones who got it worst was Franky, I think it’s the bulbous shoulders, Franky was no stranger to body horror from Enies Lobby to Sabaody but I kinda preferred that he still had a lot of his humanity rather than looking like an action figure. Otherwise I think Robin, Nami and Chopper had it bad, maybe Brook too but his was more fashion than design; the women in general took heavy hits by Oda’s proportion design - I mean I get it boobs are nice but proportions are what make them better - but Robin also underwent a skin color change in the anime, who pre-timeskip shaded her skin darker than in the manga and corrected it to match the manga, I think most of us would’ve preferred Robin to have kept the darker skin tone and possibly even the fringe, Robin’s hairstyle (and her fashion in general) can be hit and miss. I go to and fro about Nami, other than the general waist and bust adjustments I think it fits her character to use her sexuality a bit, she was no stranger to that pre-Timeskip, sometimes though I can’t tell whether I preferred her with short or long hair (Short was definitely better on Nojiko), I do think though that Oda could have her show less skin, she is still very pretty in outfits such as Water 7, Thriller Bark and even her fake pirate disguise in the early chapters/episodes. Finally with Chopper I think it was a bad move to alter the hat, that was a memento from his father figure Hiriluk, it’d be like if Luffy altered his straw hat or Zoro replacing Wado Ichimonji, I do also feel that the design for Chopper’s points while easier to draw don’t look as good, I think a lot of it is the scruff, or lack thereof in favour of smoothness, Walk Point is fine but Heavy Point, Guard Point and Horn Point seem less threatening, Monster Point especially too, in Enies Lobby he looked like a cave painting of menace and destruction, now he’s smoother and his scruff lighter so it’s not as good. The rest of the designs I’m quite fine with though.

8. I wish some markings stuck as well Tattoos and Scars seem to be optional in the One Piece world sometimes, unless it’s branded in molten heat like the Dragon’s hoof, Sun Pirates logo or an attack from Sakazuki. While Nami’s redesigned tattoo has stuck around and Luffy and Zoro’s scars persist, they are mainly character reminders/mysteries for huge moments in the story, and I kinda wish that some of the Straw Hats had littler markings, not just scars either. For instance, the Alabasta X on the arm, I really wish that stayed on each of the Alabasta characters’ arms since it was a symbol of friendship with Vivi, I also wish that Luffy kept the 3D2Y mark on his arm. In terms of scars though it would’ve been nice to see the characters a bit more battle-worn; Zoro’s ankle scars from Mr. 3 have faded and frankly he should be covered in little and long scratches given his fights with Mr. 1 and 2 years of Mihawk Training, Nami’s shoulder scar is hidden completely by her tattoo and she has no scars on her hand (from fake stabbing Usopp) or foot (from blocking Miss Doublefinger), Usopp himself could’ve used some small scratches because lord knows how there’s even still bones in his nose plus he was in murder island for 2 years, Chopper could at least have a small bald patch from when his shoulder was impaled and burned by Shura’s fire lance too, other than that there’s just Jimbei’s potentially missing shoulder scar from Marineford, though Oda has kept it obscured a lot so maybe that is still there. I understand why Oda doesn’t or forgets to, but it would’ve been nice if we lived in a vacuum of no time limits and whatnot.

7. Dead End Adventure is my favourite One Piece film I don’t know what it is, but Dead End Adventure just gives me the most fun out of the One Piece films. It has a good side plot and the side character Shuraiya was a blast of a character. Granted, Gaspard wasn’t too good of a villain side for actually harming the straw hat and his defeat was a bit underwhelming but the race, the settings it was all fun. It is not to say I don’t enjoy any other One Piece movies, I delight in the horror fuel of Baron Omatsuri - and that killer final punch - and Z’s tragic tale of a fallen marine, Strong World has that epic entrance to the party and Stampede also had some great team up moments and fantastic writing for Usopp and Smoker but Dead End Adventure always feels like the movie I could watch in any mood.

6. Skypeia and Fishman Island are some of my favourite arcs While I can understand the criticism of the Long Ring Long Land arc (especially since the anime dragged out the Davy Back Fight) it surprised me that people found Skypeia and Fishman Island arcs to be boring or less entertaining than previous arcs. Everyone has their preferences of course but I felt that Skypeia and Fishman Island were very powerful arcs especially with the theme of racism. Both had glorious setting design different to the common customs of the world we had seen, Oda made both Skypeia and Fishman Island feel very much lived in with its own budding culture and prejudices, with a villain who was dead set on destroying everything just to have their way. With Enel and his priests we were able to push several characters to newer limits, with Robin showing her fighting capabilities, Zoro learning his projectile slashes, Chopper having to endure fighting 3 priests and even Usopp growing all the more braver in the face of seemingly indestructible opponents and later gaining access to the dials. With Fishman Island it was different because it was basically a ‘flex arc’: where the main villain is meant to be a stepping stone rather than a threat but even then the symbolism of the enemy is what’s significant with them, the inherited hatred of humans. But at the same time we do learn new strengths from the crew; Red Hawk, the use of armament Haki, Skywalk, Hell Memories, Franky Shogun, Usopp’s pop greens, Nami’s weather eggs, Brook’s Soul Solid and his new DF power (which is possibly an awakening), as well as the first true steps of Jimbei joining the crew. The biggest strength of both arcs is the flashback as well, like Wano would in present time both arcs demonstrated that Oda can carry a story without his main characters and still keep it as captivating as ever, be it the friendship of Noland and Calgara, the tragedies of Otohime and Fisher Tiger or the life of Kozuki Oden and the man who would be Pirate King. And the impact of Fishman Island and Skypeia’s flashbacks both come back around in Dressrosa with the dwarves and Koala, and Fishman Island really does kick off the whole Yonko saga with Luffy challenging Big Mom, these arcs were definitely significant as they were entertaining with silly faces, strong fights, challenging themes, lorebuilding, good side characters and unique twists. And the overall message of healing from the past is still significant to this day. Through Wyper’s sacrifice and the Bell ringing to Jimbei giving blood and the Ryugu royals wanting to attend the Reverie, it is all very powerful stuff and while the arcs are similar in nature its their similarities that make me love them. Also the cover stories with Enel and Gedatsu on their own mini adventures are fun

5. I really want to know where Ghin is Ghin/Gin was such an interesting character in Baratie. Given that this was right before Arlong Park too so we had not seen a character conflict with different loyalties in One Piece until then, his gratitude to Sanji against his loyalty to Krieg created a fantastically complex character, but then he left and we didn’t hear about him ever since. Did he survive Krieg’s poison gas? Is he still with Krieg? One reactor of the episode said “maybe he’ll become the next Don” which was a concept I kinda really liked. The guy was pretty strong given that he had bested Sanji at that time, and since he didn’t appear in a cover story my mind does wonder. It’s not just Ghin either, a lot of the early East Blue characters kinda fell off the map; where is Morgan? Last we saw he was sleeping as he sailed past Jango, where is Kuro? For someone wanting to resume piracy after some years off he has been very quiet, where is Krieg? Only Arlong and Morgan were arrested and the latter escaped so the rest of these characters are a mystery. Recently in Wano I am still wondering where Law’s crew that he brought to Onigashima went, as well as Caribou - where is that slippery bugger?

4. Basil Hawkins is probably one of my Top 5 Supernova There’s something about that dude I gravitate towards, which makes it quite frustrating when the anime decides to add extra malice and creepy faces to him. Hawkins in Wano is still a victim, if anything he is simply a prisoner with better working conditions, if he thought he could survive escaping Kaido he would but he doesn’t so he won’t, he’s also gonna feel sore about Drake betraying him and letting Law cut him up, so it annoys me that Hawkins is seen like a villain. Not only does he have an extremely interesting Devil Fruit and creativity with it but he’s also audaciously confident in his fortunetelling, even Luffy ran from Kizaru at Sabaody while Hawkins looked at his cards while Kizaru was about to boot him to holy hell and said ‘nah I’m not dying today’, you gotta respect that moxie. At the same time though as a pirate he has that shades of grey element, he’s okay with letting some of his crew be disposable and we don’t even know to what end, he doesn’t look like a guy too concerned about being Pirate King or having riches. I also get a good laugh in that his hobbies are interior design, it makes me really want to see what the inside of his ship looks like. I think as a top 5, I have Luffy, Zoro, Law, Hawkins and then Kid, Bege, Killer and Bonney are not far behind with Apoo dead last because fuck Apoo. Kid and Killer are cool but I do feel like they need a bit more character, Bege earned some points in being funny and his care for his family in WCI and then there’s Bonney - I really hope we dig into Bonney’s significance, she feels really important and that mystery keeps her fresh whenever we see her. Drake too has only really started to become interesting because of SWORD, we could still see more fleshing but for now he is like bottom 3. It’s a shame Urouge has to be so low, he’s not bad but he’s not spectacular either, gotta admire his hobby of lovemaking though, you do you Urouge.

3. I don’t think that either of the ‘Most Beautiful Women in the World’ are the Most Beautiful Women in One Piece The in-world consensus seems to be that the Most Beautiful Women in the World are Boa Hancock, Komurasaki and Shirahoshi, and granted they are very pretty, but the most? Not for me. I mean, y’all know that Nico Robin, Nami and Vinsmoke Reiju exist right? Makino as well is stunning, as are Tashigi, Bonney, Margaret, Ishilly, Nojiko, Vivi, Rebecca, Pudding, Perona, Cosette and I’m sure a few others, realistically I think they could all give them a run for their money. I get how for those three their beauty is a plot point (Boa it’s drilling home Luffy’s obliviousness to it, Komurasaki it’s the swerve of her not being awful and for Shirahoshi it’s due to Vander Decken IX pulling the creep factor on her) but it would’ve worked the same way without the ‘world’ hyperbole I think. As much as Oda is iffy with proportions and rarely writes women with as much attention as the boys he sure knows how to make them attractive.

2. Some of my favourite individual Straw Hat scenes aren’t in Canon If I were to have a top 5 moments of each character, it may surprise you that some of it comes from movies or filler episodes, particularly Sanji’s flexing on Jessica in the G8 Arc (in fact, Jonathon is one of my favourite marines, T-Bone is in there too, but I don’t have room to fit that). Some are of course obvious because of how iconic they are but it does go to show that sometimes filler isn’t all bad. Since you’re probably curious: As a Group Goodbye Merry [Enies Lobby] Entering Shiki’s Palace [Strong World] Walk to Arlong Park [Arlong Park] Entering the Grand Line [Reverse Mountain] vs a Stuck Oars [Thriller Bark] Jimbei Giving Luffy Blood [FMI] Vagabond Drill on Big Mom [WCI] Leaving the Big Mom Pirates [WCI] Returning in Wano [Wano] Trying to argue with Luffy [FMI] Brook vs Chess Soldiers & Big Mom [WCI] Flashback [Thriller Bark] Breaking Mother Carmel’s Picture [WCI] Baron Corpse vs Dog Minks [Zou] Hysterically laughing at seeing Duval [Sabaody] Franky vs Senor Pink [Dressrosa] Playing with the Kids [Punk Hazard] vs Fukurou [Enies Lobby] Freedom Roller [Wano] Trapping Caribou in the Barrel [FMI] Robin  I Want to Live [Enies Lobby] Clutching Spandam [Enies Lobby] Throwing Usopp under the bus [G8] vs Yama [Skypeia] Clutching Tequila Wolf guards [Amazon Lily] Chopper Monster Point [Enies Lobby] Flashback [Drum Island] Chopper Man (& Minoru Kazeno) vs Usobada [Chopper Man Special] Don’t blow the whistle: Immediately blows whistle [Skypeia] Dr Chopper the definitely Human Doctor not wearing fake glasses [G8] Vivi w/ Karoo (she counts okay!) Goodbye speech [Alabasta] Escaping Bon Clay [Alabasta] Karoo Digging Luffy Out [Little Garden] Luffy Fan Club Meeting [Reverie] Slapping Usopp awake [Drum Island] Nami vs Kalifa [Enies Lobby] Standing by the kids [Punk Hazard] Saying goodbye to Bell-mere [Arlong Park] Helping Luffy vs Cracker via Lola’s Vivre Card [WCI] Luffy WILL be Pirate King [Wano] Sanji ‘I needed a light’ [Skypeia] Flexing on Jessica [G8] Saving the Vinsmokes [WCI] O-Soba Mask [Wano] vs Doflamingo [Dressrosa]  Usopp Alabasta speech [Alabasta] Awakening Observation Haki [Dressrosa] Sogeking Theme Song [Enies Lobby] vs Perona [Thriller Bark] Saving Luffy from the fire [Stampede]  Zoro Nothing Happened [Thriller Bark] vs Ryuma [Thriller Bark] vs Mr. 1 [Alabasta] vs Gyukimaru & Kamazo [Wano] “He’s sweeping our floors that fiend!” Test of Luck [Loguetown] Luffy ‘On the Sea, you fight Pirates’ [Wano] Red Roc [Wano] vs Katakuri [WCI] Haki clash with Doflamingo [Dressrosa] Punching Saint Charloss [Sabaody] I will have to say that for some characters I could go to 20 so if one’s missing it may’ve just missed the mark, such as Usopp and Nami vs Enel or Luffy putting back a Zombie or Stealth Luffy, I mean it is 1000 chapters as well as movies and filler episodes/specials...

1. I’ve learned quite a lot due to One Piece Since my fascination started with a deep dive of checks, I did start to learn a hell of a lot more not just about the franchise itself (you know it’s almost catching up BATMAN on total sales, which has been around more than 3 times longer?) but I also learned a lot about stuff Oda has used as a reference key; folklore, actual pirates, actual practices, the amount of detail Oda puts in is astounding. Which does lean into another thing I’ve learned, One Piece has changed the way I approach some of my ideas for writings and whatnot, before I would be afraid of either spoonfeeding or being too vague, Oda’s mastery not only in storytelling but character development, character quality and pacing has both helped and intimidated me a lot of times, I mean consider this: it took hundreds of chapters to get a proper backstory on Luffy, the main character, how unprecedented is that? Often I could fall into the trap of making sure you knew everything about the main character from day one but now I wonder about what’s necessary for the now and what can I work on. Another thing that both inspires and intimidates me is his drawing, I suck at colours and still do, and a lot of Oda’s attention to detail is incredible considering he’s gotta whip that out on the weekly, but at the same time you see some of his rough sketches and they’re pretty similar to a rough sketch of my own, so in a way it’s a ‘there’s still hope for you’ moment seeing those. I can’t say I’ve learned Japanese from listening to One Piece, but I have picked up on some stuff, some hiragana there, some phonetics here, I also appreciated some of the stuff kaizokuou-ni-naru does (I won’t tag them in case that’s a bit rude to do it out of the blue but check out their tumblr) when it came to deciphering the Japanese of chapters and the little puns and hints Oda puts in his native tongue. And of course any One Piece fan has learned one thing above all else: Patience. Oda himself included, it took over 20 years to get to 1000 chapters and we still have plenty of questions to ask, plenty of islands to see and thus plenty of chapters to go. So Straw Hats off to you Oda, and a happy 1000th!

[barnes-dameron]

Just a Little Mix-Up

*gif not mine*

Modern!Poe Dameron x reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Two identical folders: one containing boring office work, the other containing race pictures of you. What happens when your crush of three years, Poe Dameron, accidentally has the latter? 

To say that your heart was going the same speed of a race car during the final lap of the Daytona 500 was an understatement. You prayed that the world would open up and swallow you rather than have the most embarrassing event in history happen to you. You tried to think back on what went wrong; what you could’ve prevented from something like this happening to you. 

The last thing that you wanted to happen, happened. Poe Dameron, your crush of three years, has ever exposing pictures of you. After a deep breath in effort to clear your mind, you went back, and assessed the events that led up to this horrific one. 

One month ago...

The cafe was alive with both loyal and new patrons as the usual band played their new music. You always loved this place. The people were always interesting, the music lifted spirits, and everything on the menu was perfected to a delicious and savory taste. There was no way you could’ve found this place on your own. Finn, a friend from the office at which you both worked, invited you to the cafe one evening to meet his friends, Rey and Poe. 

The moment you saw Poe, butterflies erupted in your stomach. The last time something like that happened was a middle school crush. You thought he would be charming, but instead he was a huge dork with the brightest smile in the galaxy. It relieved you to know that he was human instead of some mythical god. After that night, it wasn’t just Finn inviting you out but Poe as well. On multiple occasions, Poe has freely confessed to you that he enjoys your company and sarcastic sense of humor. Especially since he could make jokes with you that Rey and Finn wouldn’t understand. Apparently, to him, you two have more in common than what he has with Finn and Rey. These interactions only made your feelings grow, but you always kept them to yourself. You didn’t think you weren’t enough for him or anything. But the fear of losing his friendship and the risk of the friendship being awkward in case of rejection prevented you from voicing your own feelings. However, you were content with the friendship for now. At this point, you and Poe were so comfortable with each other that he would put his arm around your shoulder while walking or sitting. Whenever you got cold, he would lend you his jacket. You hated how you cherished these little displays of affection. You consistently have to remind yourself that things are platonic, and will remain platonic. 

But you weren’t at the cafe for Poe. You sat a table, waiting for your friend, Lina. You and Lina have been friends since high school, and were always there for each other for the good and the bad. Sometimes you would talk to her about Poe, which she always replies with “Don’t be a baby, and just tell him,” to which you ignored. She texted you this morning saying she wanted to see you. 

Lina came in, greeted you with a hug like always, and sat across from you at the table. After some small talk and catching up on each other’s lives, Lina’s demeanor changes before your eyes. Her usual smile disappeared, her stare turns towards the table, and she starts to fidget with her hands. 

“Y/N,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I need to ask you a favor.”

Your heart sank. Surely this must be something serious if she’s so nervous to ask. 

“Of course,” you replied. “Anything.”

“So you know I’m in fashion school,” she began, and only going further after a nod from you. “Well, there was an assignment where we design and reproduce an article of clothing. For the assignment, we need to bring in the clothes and have pictures of someone modeling the clothing. My model dropped out on me, and I need a new one. And I was wondering if you can do it?”

The question confused you, but you were glad it was this kind of favor and not one asking for an organ. This would be a walk in the park. 

“Are you kidding me?” you said. “Lina, I would love too. It sounds like fun.”

“Really?” she squeaked, light returning to her eyes and a smile reemerging to her face. 

“Yeah,” you replied. “What kind of clothing is it?” 

“Lingerie,” Lina said. 

Your heart stopped. 

“Lingerie?” you repeated. “Lina, I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” she retorted. “Give me one reason you can’t model lingerie?”

“Look at me,” you said while making a hand gesture towards your body. “I don’t have the confidence to pull it off. And frankly, I’m not comfortable with your class seeing half naked pictures of me.”

“Okay,” Lina started. “You have a great body and you could totally pull this off without a problem. Once you try it on and we get some good music on, you’re not going to want to take it off. And besides, my professor will be the only one seeing it. Other than her, me, you, and the photographer, no one else will see those pictures. You can trust me on that.”

Maybe it was her reasoning or your kind heart, but you made the decision that would set the spark to the bomb that would become your downfall. 

“Okay,” you sighed. 

Two weeks ago...

You stood in the dressing room, facing the mirror while cringing. Why did you agree to this? You looked over yourself in the black lingerie set that Lina designed and made. Your breasts were pushed up to the max, the lace clung to your torso like a second layer of skin, and the panties barely covered your front much less the back. Lina styled your hair and did your make-up before you went in to change. You probably would’ve stayed in the changing room if it hadn’t been for Lina’s impatient shouts. You sighed heavily, and opened the door. 

“Look at you, sexy,” Lina said as soon as she saw you. 

You rolled your eyes, and approached her. 

“Lina, I look ridiculous,” you hissed, not wanting the photographer to hear. 

“Okay first off, don’t say that because I designed that,” she replied, holding up a finger to accompany her offended look. “And second, you look great. You’re just not used to seeing yourself this gorgeous.”

There was a certain truth behind her words. You rarely ever put on lingerie, and rarely had a chance to do so. Ever since meeting Poe, your love life went down the drain. Every man you met who seemed remotely interested in you, you immediately turned down. You came to terms that you liked Poe, and it wasn’t fair to pretend to reciprocate feelings towards other men who aren’t him. Maybe if something does happen between you and Poe, you could wear this for him. Lina did say you can keep it after her professor grades it. 

“You’ll feel better once I put on music,” Lina said kindly, while stroking your arm up and down. 

She was right. Once the music was turned on, your whole demeanor changed. You went from shy and embarrassed to confident and outgoing. You posed left and right, showing off certain parts of the lingerie. You felt sexy. You showed off your ass and breasts, flipped your hair while giving the over the shoulder look, and gave flirty and seductive looks to the camera. At this point, nothing could’ve brought you down. You felt euphoric and gorgeous. For the first time, you felt like you were on top of the world. Once the shoot was done, you, Lina, and the photographer examined all the pictures. 

“Damn, Y/N,” Lina exclaimed. “You look so sexy. These pictures could be on the cover of Playboy.”

“These might be the best pictures I’ve ever taken,” the photographer mumbled to himself. 

“Okay, cool it,” Lina warned. “Can you print all of these?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he said. “I could get them to you after about a week and a half. I still got to play with them a bit.”

“Okay,” Lina replied. “Just make sure you don’t play with yourself while playing with the pictures.”

You couldn’t but laugh while watching the interaction. As you made your way back to the changing room, Lina caught up. She walked besides you when saying:

“I’m serious. You looks so hot, I swear some of those pictures look like scenes from some porno.”

You laughed again, before shaking your head. 

“Well, I’m glad you liked them. Just make sure that no one else sees them.”

“I promise,” Lina swore. 

You smiled at her before walking into the changing room. A part of you didn’t want to take the lingerie off. You wanted to keep it on. You wanted to call Poe while wearing it. You wanted to show it off to him. But reality came back just as fast as the fantasies. You took off the outfit, and set it aside. Little did you know that the outfit was the device to your own destruction. 

Yesterday

After a long day from work, Finn invited you to his apartment for dinner. You immediately accepted his offer, knowing that you’d get to see Poe. You told Finn you had to stop by the printing place before going though. Lina asked you to get the photos from the shoot since she’ll be in class. 

The photos were the size of average pieces of paper and came in a plain manila folder. Simple pick-up, but the cashier did give you weird looks and wrote his number on the back of receipt. You immediately knew that he looked at the pictures, but you figured you’d never see him again so why care?

Once outside the printers, you opened up the folder and skimmed through the pictures. You couldn’t even recognize yourself. It was like looking at your alter ego. Your sexy, confident, alter ego. You smiled to yourself, secretly loving how you looked in the photos. Shaking your head, you closed the folder and headed to Finn’s place.

Once you got there, you saw that Rey already arrived and was helping Finn out by setting the table. When she saw you come in, she came over to greet you as you placed the folder on the kitchen counter. 

“Hey Y/N,” Rey said, coming up beside you. “What do you got there?”

“Just something for my friend,” you replied, shrugging off the topic. “But I think the real question is, what is Finn cooking over there?”

The two of you laughed, while Finn mocked you two from his place at the stove. He wasn’t the best cook, but he was better than the three of you combined. Rey grabbed some beers from the fridge, and you talked about how Finn accidentally used hot sauce on his lunch instead of ketchup today at work. You were doing well until Poe came. 

Your heart began to pick up as you watched him take off his jacket. Poe let out a loud sigh before slamming down a manila folder on the counter. 

“I’m so overworked!” Poe yelled, before going straight to the fridge for a beer. “Leia has been giving me so many project lately since Ben has been slacking off. I mean, what is that guy even doing anymore? I’ve got so much work that I had to bring some home.”

“Oh, that sucks,” you said, immediately scolding yourself after saying that. 

That’s the best you got, you thought to yourself. 

“I really need this,” Poe sighed, after taking a long swig from his beer. Poe moved around the kitchen island towards you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pushing you against his chest in a half hug. You heard Poe hum, which went straight through you and caused your heart to skip a beat. He let you go with a smile on his face. “I needed that too.”  

The dinner went smoothly, but you did have a little too much to drink. You were still sober enough to get home, but you were a little tipsy. You gave out your goodbyes, grabbed your folder, and left Finn’s apartment. 

That little mistake will cost you dearly in the end. 

Earlier today...

You met up with Lina at the cafe per her request. It started off as an ordinary day. You ordered your drink and waited for Lina to come. And when she did, you two talked about your respective personal lives, catching up on the past couple of weeks. 

“Oh, hey,” Lina said, changing the conversation. “Did you pick up the pictures?”

“Yes, I did,” you replied proudly, producing the manila folder from your bag and placing it on the table. “And you were right. Some of them were border-lining porn.”

Lina took the folder with a laugh escaping her lips. You watched as she opened the folder and gave out a mocking laugh, different from the previous one. You gave her a confused look before she said, 

“Very funny, but where are they?”

“What do you mean?” you asked. “They’re there, aren’t they?”

“Y/N,” Lina said, her voice tone changing to a more serious one compared to her carefree attitude. “This is just budget forms and analysis sheets from Organa Co. Where are the pictures?”

In that moment, the memories from last night flashed before your eyes. You remembered there being two identical folders on the counter, but you for sure thought you picked the right one. Your heart began to race at the implication. 

Poe Dameron has the sexy lingerie photos of YOU. 

Your mouth began to dry and heat rushed to your face. You got up from your seat at the cafe in a hurry, grabbing your bag and the folder. 

“I have to go,” you uttered, before sprinting to the door and down the sidewalk. 

The present... 

You ran down the sidewalk, avoiding people the best you can in effort to reach Organa Co. in time. A part of you hoped that Poe didn’t see the pictures last night when he got home. You hoped he just went straight to bed after drinking so many beers at Finn’s. You hoped that he didn’t have time yet at work to open the folder. 

You cursed yourself for grabbing the wrong folder. You cursed the model who cancelled on your friend in the last minute. You cursed Lina for choosing to make lingerie instead of a jacket or something else. But mostly, you cursed yourself for agreeing to model and posing for those pictures. You could’ve said no, but you had to say yes.

Sweat began to glisten on your skin as your work blouse clung onto your upper back. Multiple times you had to push the hair out of your face in order not to bump into the street carts and newspaper stands. Your heels began to break out in blisters the faster you ran, but you ignored the pain. Quite honestly, you preferred the pain over suffering humiliation from the only man you have a crush on. 

As you approached the building, a short sigh of relief came to your lips. But your mission wasn’t done just yet. You pushed through the glass doors and went up to the third floor where you knew where Poe worked. At this point, you didn’t care about your disheveled appearance. You just wanted your damn pictures. 

You walked into the office with a calm atmosphere around you, contradicting your appearance. You walked between the aisle way of desks in seek of Poe’s small office space. You tried to ignore the stares you got from the other employees, but they were burning into you as if someone were pressing hot spoons against your skin. Your grip on the manila folder tightened as you approached the door with the plaque that read “Poe Dameron: Manager.”

You took a deep breath, trying to still your beating heart for even a minute. Closing your eyes briefly, you knocked on the door, the sound reverberating within your ears. You heard a muffled “Come in,” and then opened the door. 

Poe was sitting at his desk. His dark curls were combed and put in a place that was appropriate for his work setting, much different compared to his late nights with friends where they ran wild. His button up shirt hugged his biceps and stretched over his broad chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. You couldn’t ignore the smile that appeared on his face when his beautiful brown eyes landed on you. 

“Y/N,” he said, surprise and excitement in his voice. “What are you doing here?” You watched as Poe got up from his desk and moved around it to perch himself on the front, leaning against the edge. “Not that I mind the surprise.” 

“Hey Poe,” you replied. You scolded yourself for being so unprepared. You should’ve rehearsed what you were going to say. You couldn’t be like ‘Hey Poe, you know those sexy pictures of me? Well, that’s not me trying to make a move on you or anything, those are for someone else. Can I have them back? Thanks.’ You scrambled through your mind to think of the right words to say in a situation like this. “I think there was a little mix up last night. You see, I accidentally picked up your folder instead of mine.”

“Really?” Poe asked. “Huh, I didn’t notice.” 

You have never been more relieved in your entire life. The headache that appeared during the elevator ride up, disapparated. Your breathing came back to normal, and your heart returned to a steady pace. Poe got up from his position and grabbed the manila folder off his desk and held it out to you. You held out your folder in return as the two of you traded off. Once the picture folder was in your hands, you held it to your chest. 

“I’m so sorry,” you breathed out. “This is totally on me.”

“No worries,” Poe replied. “Last night, I was so tired that I didn’t even want to look at work. And today was so busy, that I didn’t even get a chance to glance over the papers in the folder.”

“But you got the right folder now,” you joked, trying your best to remove any tension out of the air. 

“I do, even if I didn’t noticed,” Poe said in the same joking manner. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to your work, then,” you said, making your way towards his door. “Thanks, Poe.”

“No problem, Y/N,” Poe replied, moving around his office to walk you to the elevator. “Thank you for delivering me my folder. Feel free to stop by whenever.”

“Thanks,” you repeated. “Bye, Poe.”

“Bye, Y/N,” he said. 

The elevator doors closed. Now alone, you couldn’t help letting out the laugh that was bubbling up in your chest. He didn’t even look at them. The two of you are fine, and now nothing awkward will be hung over you guys whenever you see each other. You wanted to dance, to scream in victory, but you restrained yourself. That could wait. But, you couldn’t wait to get these pictures out of your life. But you’ll keep the lingerie... 

Later that night...

The sky faded from a baby blue to dark navy as the street lights outside of Poe’s office windows began to turn on. One by one, employees left the office, saying their goodbyes and good nights to Poe as they walked past his office to the elevator. Poe would either wave or return the same pleasantries. Per usual, he was the last to leave the office, but that was part of the job. After the last person left, Poe took one last look around the floor. Once he decided it was clear, he went straight back to his office, and closed the door. He could never be too careful, something that he carried with him from his military days. 

Poe sat in his chair, but pushed it back to access his bottom drawer. Once it was opened, he laid his eyes on the holy artifact. He’d never done this before, and a part of him was against doing such a thing. However, the rational side lost the battle to his desire. He reached in and grabbed the picture and placed it on his desk. 

He felt bad about lying to you, but he knew you like the back of his hand. Poe didn’t want to risk your friendship over something like this. However, he felt even more guilty on keeping one of the pictures from the stack. But it was his favorite. 

You had your back to the camera, but your face was turned to the side so it was still visible, showing off your beautiful profile. He liked the way your skin looked so soft. You were sitting on the edge of something, he couldn’t tell what, but he admired the shape of your ass and how the panties barely gave cover, leaving much exposure. 

Just looking at the picture made Poe’s mouth water and his pupils dilate with lust. He’d be lying if he said he never thought of being with you in an intimate way. He couldn’t help it at times. Ever since Finn introduced him to you, Poe knew he wanted to be with you. He has been trying to hint his intentions on a relationship with you multiple times, but it seems like you mistook his signals for platonic exchanges between friends. Poe wanted to have something more. He wanted dates without his friends accompanying him, kisses that were on the lips instead of on the cheek, and of course, he wanted to make love to you. He didn’t want to fuck, because to him that was impersonal. No, Poe wanted to be in the moment with you; to feel you, to pleasure you, to love you. 

He couldn’t remember how long he stared at the picture. His eyes gleamed over every detail: every scar, every birthmark, every stretch mark, you name it. Poe didn’t even look at the time on his watch until he began to feel the tightness in his pants. Yeah, he’d been staring at it too long. He took a deep breath, got up from his chair, and grabbed his bag. Poe looked down at the image one last time before heading out, debating to himself. Should I leave it here and wait for a good time to give it back or take it with me?

Poe shook his head, turned off the lamp on his desk, and walked out of the office. It didn’t take long for him to comeback, and snatch the picture from his desk. 

“Yeah,” Poe whispered to himself. “You’re coming with me.” 

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 3

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chatper Warnings*** 

Word Coung: 2464

Pairing: Jensen Ackles X Reader, Jared x reader, OFC Steve x Reader, OFC Justin x Reader. Misha x Reader, Jensen x Jared, Jensen x Misha

A/N: When I originally wrote this chapter I didn’t even know who Steve Carlson was, so the Steve in this story isn’t him lol. Oddly enough I wrote this before I even really knew he was making an album lol. Anyway, all mistakes are mine, please don’t copy my work, Feedback is golden. If you want to be added to the series tag list, or my tag list just let me know! I hope you enjoy this one. After this chapter things tend to start to pick up a little.

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

Last night was a bad night for you. You were crushed that Jensen thought you were just some slut that likes to flirt with every married man that came through the studio because not a word of that was true. The way he was looking at you when he said it. There was no emotion in his eyes whatsoever. Just coldness. He looked at you like you were just another gold-digging whore. You don’t know why his opinion of you crushed you so badly, but it did.

It’s not like it was unusual in the industry that you were working in. Groupies came all the time to hang out and see if they could land themselves an upcoming artist that has potential, then ride that ride all the way down to music row. Steve did try and keep them at bay because he couldn't stand that part of the industry. It didn’t stop them from coming, but at least he did try.

You were no groupie, you worked your ass off to get to where you were in your job. You did it yourself through straight hard work and talent. You had no favors, no handouts, nothing. Everything you had, everything you accomplished, it was all you. 

Women are looked down on in most businesses, but in the entertainment industry, that reputation of whore seems to resound past any talent a woman might have. It wasn't usual for men to come in, and treat you the way Jensen had yesterday, but when he did it, it really hurt.

The way he jerked the coffee out of your hand, not even looking at you. Like you were nothing, trash, someone that wasn't worthy to be in his presents. 

That cut you deep.

Why did you care so much what this snob thought about you? You didn't like the way his opinion of you made you feel. The way it seemed to etch itself into you, and take root there. You whipped away a stray tear that was making its way down your face.

Most of the night you dreamed of Demon Dean. Because that's who he looked like yesterday when he demanded Steve make you bring him his coffee. 

The nightmares were vivid, more vivid than you’d ever experienced in your life. 

You used to like Demon Dean. You found it to be an interesting take on Dean's character. Now though. It gave you chills. You didn't know how you were going to face Jensen today. Still, you weren't going to let it cost you your job. You’d worked too hard, and come too far to let one man’s opinion of you destroy everything you had worked to build for yourself. 

So you text Steve back for the thousandth time just this morning telling him that you were fine and would see him in a little while. Justin and Steve knew you pretty well, and they could tell how Jensen's opinion of you had affected you. You had never walked out on a job before like that. Steve knew you weren’t just not feeling well and needed to go home. He knew Jensen had gotten to you. 

You just wish you knew why it affected you so much. You never cared what people thought about you before. It didn't make sense.

You jump in the shower quickly. Not feeling real into dressing up today, which there was no dress code at your job anyway, you throw on an old black and white Slipknot band shirt Justin had bought you years ago for a dirty Santa gift at work. It was comfortable, so, therefore, it was your favorite. A black pair of skinny ripped jeans, and a pair of black and white converse. You threw your hair into a messy bun and a light dusting of makeup. Today, that was just as good as it was going to get.

You just didn't feel pretty this morning. So you didn't see any need in trying. Yesterday you did the work, and it did not go well. Business suit, perfect hair, makeup. Still, you were just a whore that liked to flirt with married men and needed to get Jensen his coffee.

As soon as you walked into the recording room this morning Justin and Steve were on their feet giving you a hug.

 "Don't pay attention to that overpaid, spoiled fuck Y/N," Justin said, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. 

"Yeah, Jen's back today. She can pack him his damn coffee, and I hope she spits in it," Steve said through gritted teeth. 

They were a little overprotective of you, so this reaction didn't surprise you. They had become like family to you over the years. They treated you like a little sister, and they had no problem going to war for you if they had to. 

You look through the glass in front of you and see Jennifer sitting up everything for the day. She was young, probably 19 or 20, you didn't really ever ask. She was pretty though. Long blonde hair. Skinnier than you were, even though you weren't really all that heavy.  Blue eyes. 

She would probably make it far in the entertainment industry one day on her looks alone. She was dressed in her usual casual skinny jeans and tank top. You smirk at the fact that Jensen was probably gonna eat her alive today since he obviously had a problem with women. She looked a little to you like a gold-digging groupie the more you thought about it. She was a working mom though, and you respected her for that. It was hard to be a young mom, much less a working young mom.

"Has Jensen arrived yet?" you turn to Steve and ask, dreading the moment he walked into the studio already. 

Also, you were inwardly regretting your outfit choice. You weren't sure who would be under attack more, Jennifer, or you. 

"No, he's running a little late. Jared will be here again today, along with Misha Collins. He's in town for some type of charity function, and Jensen invited him to come to watch a little today," Steve said, turning to his buzzing phone, and walking out of the recording room.

You turned about to say that you hoped Misha wasn't as big of an ass hole as Jensen when you saw the group of actors walk into the studio. “Well crap, here it goes.”

"Misha, this is Y/N, and Justin, that girl in there putting out drinks is Jennifer," Steve said, and you all shook Misha's hand. He greeted everyone warmly and seemed to be a genuinely friendly guy. Jensen was looking at you with a look of distaste on his face, but there was a look in his eyes that you didn't recognize, something you hadn't seen yesterday, even if he was staring at you and snarling at you in a cocky smirk.

"What is this?" he asked gesturing up, and down your small frame. He was a giant compared to you. "Casual Tuesday? You are aware that it's not Friday yet right?" he blows off in a cocky tone. 

Misha and Jared turn to stare at him, but you say nothing. Taking a deep calming breath you turn around and start logging into the equipment. Misha came and took a seat by you, giving your shoulder a comforting squeeze. You smile at him and watch as Jennifer enters the room. “Showtime,” you think to yourself, but boy did you get the shock, and disappointment of your life.

"Well, well, I don't believe we met yesterday. What's your name beautiful?" Jensen said, turning to Jennifer.

You felt your stomach lurch, and you fraught to hold onto your breakfast. You got up and excused yourself to the bathroom. Steve and Justin watched you like you might snap at any minute. 

Well, he wants to be a jackass then two can play at this game. You were in control of today's recording session, and today wasn't going to be an easy one, for Jensen anyway. You, on the other hand, were going to enjoy this.

You walked out of the bathroom after composing your emotions and ran headlong into the large frame that was Jared. He grabbed your shoulders to steady you and keep you from falling back on your ass. 

"Sorry," he said in a rush. 

"It's okay," you retorted, turning a little red. Could you just not do anything right today? 

"I wanted to talk to you before we got started today. I want to apologize for the way Jensen is acting toward you. I've never seen him act quite like this toward anyone. He's going a divorce. It was just finalized yesterday. He's under a lot of stress," you held your hand up to stop Jared's retort of excuses he was trying to make for his friend's attitude.

"I'm sure he will be able to blow off a little steam with Jennifer on the break. Maybe if he gets one off he won't be such a dick. Now If you'll excuse me I've got work to do," you say, pushing past Jared before he could say anything and stepping back toward the recording room.

Neither of you saw Jensen leaning against the door in the hallway. He’d heard every word that Jared had said to you, and he was livid.

"What the fuck Jar?" Jensen said, making his presence known to his friend. Jared swore under his breath, turning to face a red face; and obviously pissed Jensen. 

"I could ask you the same question," Jared said, rounding on his friend. "What you do have against Y/N? She's done nothing to you, and you act like such an ass towards her every time you open your mouth?!"

Jensen stood there with his head cocked to the side. He had been acting like a dick, he was well aware of it. Still, he couldn't help it. Whether she was doing it on purpose or not she was driving him crazy, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. She was beautiful, but that wasn't it. It was something he felt deep down in his gut every time she looked at him. It scared him a little. He thought Danneel was the love of his life, he shouldn’t be feeling this way this early after a divorce. Maybe Y/N was right, maybe he did just need to get one off...

"Do you hate her or something?" Jared said, looking at his friend's dead-looking eyes with concern. Ever since Danneel had left him it was like Jensen had just shut down emotionally. He hated it. Hated seeing his friend like this.

"No, I don't hate her Jared," Jensen said, rubbing his hand through his hair, and turning to walk back into the recording room. Not wanting to have this conversation. 

"Well, you got a real fucked up way of showing it, man," Jared said as Jensen closed the door.

----------------------------------

Three hours later Jensen was about six mess ups into the same song he'd sang one thousand times. Mostly because every time you heard a note slightly off you would turn the mike on, and yell, "That's wrong, do it again". 

By now his face was red and he was getting pissed. You couldn’t help yourself though, you found it deeply satisfying. Every time you made him start over Jared and Misha would laugh hysterically behind you. Both of them thought that Jensen was getting exactly what he deserved. Jensen had obviously met his match.

"This whole house had got to be shaken.'."

"Wrong. Do it again."

"This whole house had got to be shaken.'."

"Wrong. Do it again."

"This whole house had got to be shaken’."

"Wrong. Do it again."

"This whole house had got to be shaken'."

"Wrong. Do it again."

This time Jensen had all he could take. 

"What is your fucking problem you bitch," he yelled into the microphone, and the whole room fell silent as the two of you stared at each other. Jensen was on his feet breathing heavily. His voice was slightly hoarse from trying to hit the same note over and over again. Still, he was slightly off every time, and you had every intention to make him do it until he got it right. The miss was so subtle that you would have to be listening to really hear it, most people wouldn’t have even caught it, and that's what made it fun for you. You were gonna make this ass hole lose his shit. Just like he was trying to do you. You were going to beat him in his own game.

You reached over and turned the speaker back on, staring at him, not even blinking. Everyone in the room was holding their breath. 

"You keep hitting the wrong note. You are gonna do it until you get it right. Now... Again..."

You stare at him coldly, and he looked at you like if you were a man he'd hit you. Misha started to snicker under his breath behind you, leaning over he whispered to Jared, "I like this one." 

You try to hide the smirk that threatens to play at your lips.

Jensen put his guitar back on his shoulder and began to strum the chorus again. Looking at you with a shit-eating grin on his face this time, which confused you a little. Was he enjoying this? Damn that man was gorgeous. Too bad he was a dick.

"This whole house had got to be shaken'," 

That time he hit it. He even realized when he hit it. The look of shock sat on everyone in the room's face. He finished out the chorus and you came back on the mic. 

He was standing there staring at you. A hard, yet mischievous look on his face. Something in his eyes lighting up for the first time since you met him. 

"That's a wrap," you say over the spacker, turning to Justin and Steve who were both grinning at you too. 

"Shut it down. That's enough for today," with that, you grabbed your stuff, hugged Misha who was laughing uncontrollably at the look on Jensen's face as you hugged Jared too; then left for the day more than a little proud of yourself. 

This man, he does something to you. Something you don't quite understand. He pulls a side of you out that you never knew was there, but you kinda like it. If you were being honest. You had forgotten what it felt like to stand up against something on your own two feet. 

Ever since you moved back to Austin after the death of both your parents, you had lost your fight somehow, and you hadn’t even realized it. Jensen seemed to be pulling that fight out of you, even if he didn’t mean to do it, or realize that he was doing it. 

You needed this challenge, and you sure as fuck weren’ going to let him win. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[shannygoatgruff]

00:00:13

Genre: Social responsibility

Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen/OC

Warning: Language, racial slur, prejudice, mention of the YouTube video

Rating: M+18

Header by: @flowers-in-your-hayr​

For: @xbellaxcarolinax​ - thanks for lending me an ear and encouraging me to continue writing this story

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based on something I saw that evoked a feeling in me. I don’t know Alex or that guy in the video. I don’t own the rights to use him or anything else in my story. I’m just going off something out there on the internet that I wish wasn’t ever there for me to have to write a story about in the first place.

A/N:  So, I don’t know if this is the right time to post this story or not, but it’s been weighing heavily on my heart for some time now. During one of my many Alex rabbit hole stalking internet searches, I came across this YouTube video of him from a few YEARS ago that made me feel a certain kind of way.  Admittedly, I went through a ton of different emotions.  I made a bunch of excuses for him.  I tried to justify him being drunk, young, being from a different country...not understanding his actions.  As a black woman, I was saddened, and a little heartbroken, but I truly don’t think there was any malice behind it.  I think it was just poor judgment on his part. But, in the end, I came up with, he’s a grown man and as a public figure he needs to be more responsible.  

I am in no way trying to sway anyone’s opinion of him, turn you against him, make you seek the video out or anything else.  I just needed to speak MY truth and get my feelings out about the situation. I’ve been the black girl in too many interracial relationships and friendships with people that just don’t get it. I am in no way trying to offend anyone - these are just my feelings.  I just needed an avenue to speak out.  

Anyway, it didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted it, mainly because I was in my feelings, but I think it’s close enough.      

I’m still an Alex fan and he could get it, at ANY moment...just say the words, Boo!  😍

I invite your comments, thoughts, and feelings...if you just wanna talk, feel free to hit me up.  I’m always open to a good discussion.

With that, 

Be easy!

Thirteen seconds…Nia Howard could do a lot in 13 seconds.  For almost 10 minutes, she had been timing herself to see exactly what types of tasks she could perform in that amount of time.  

In 13 seconds Nia could lace her brand new blue and white checked Chuck Taylor Converse tennis shoe.  She was careful to lace the shoe so the strings were only threaded on the outside of the eye-loops, creating one thick solid line across the bridge, hiding the string feeding into the next eye-loop inside the shoe, just like she liked them. This was a trick she learned in Mrs. Hamilton’s 7th grade Math class, and she had been lacing her shoes that way ever since. 

13 seconds was all it took for her to guzzle 10 ounces of the Dasani water bottle sitting on her desk. She probably could have slammed more of the water down her throat, but she wasn’t that thirsty to begin with. Had she been parched, or had it been something that she wanted to drink, she was sure she could have gotten more than 10 ounces down in that amount of time. 

Nia also discovered that she could refill the liquid nicotine and change the filter in her vape, as long as everything was laid out in front of her, in 13 seconds. She was also able to screw the tank back together, but not put the tank back on the battery base before the timer went off.  That part still took her an additional 3 seconds.  Hmm. 

In 13 seconds, she was able to remove the back of the picture frame, take out the photo, and run her thumb over the glossy paper.  It took less than that amount of time for all of the emotions of the day to come flooding back to her as she stared at their first family photo. 

It had snowed at least a foot that day.  But there they were, outside sitting in all of that powder, freezing. Nia, her boyfriend, Alex, and their then 8-week-old Siberian husky, Vlad.  He thought it would be artistic.  She thought it would be cold.  Vlad thought it was fun, running around in snow deeper than he was tall.  But they were still smiling; they were happy.  They were in love.  

Alex was wearing his favorite navy blue The North Face snowsuit, that he had zipped up to his chin. You could only see the side of his pale face, with his cold red cheek, plump pink lips, and those dark lashes covering his incredible blue eyes.  The rest of him was so bundled up, he looked like the abominable snowman.  He loved the cold and the snow.  Growing up here, these snowy days in Denmark were nothing to him.  Nia, however, wasn’t quite as used to it.  It snowed on the East Coast of the US, but not like it did in Denmark.  Her pink and white snowsuit was more for fashion than warmth.  Sitting in the snow in between Alex’s legs, she was freezing and couldn’t wait for them to finish taking pictures.  

However, his arms were warm around her, and though his lips were cold against the side of her face, she could feel his warm breath tickle her ear as he laughed and told her how much he loved her.  She had leaned against his chest and noted how well her pink and white outfit matched his blue one.  Only her dark brown skin made a contrast against the snow and Alex’s complexion, but she still looked as if she belonged.  

She sat with her feet flat on the ground, knees drawn toward her chest bringing their brown and white puppy, the perfect mix between their two tones, closer to the two of them.  While her head leaned into Alex’s kiss, her eyes concentrated on little Vlad in her lap. She had him turned so the camera could capture his one blue eye and one brown eye, while she gently caressed their fur baby, drawing him in for a kiss on his soft, furry head.  

Could they be any cuter?  They were the perfect family.  They were a good looking couple with a good looking dog.  

Thinking about the day that photo was taken quickly made her mind drift back to the first time Alex told her he loved her. She could vividly remember how he grabbed her face and leaned in for that kiss.  The way he pressed his lips to hers, and how it set off every nerve in her body.  She remembered the way her heart fluttered and how she thought she was going to float right out of her skin. But when he pulled away and looked at her with those blue eyes, he grounded her and brought her right back to the spot where he was. When his eyes shifted between hers, desperately searching for some hint that she felt the same, she knew from that moment that he was the one for her.  That entire encounter, the weightlessness, grounding, feeling his eyes look through her and hearing his heart speak her name, couldn’t have taken more than 13 seconds. She was sure it happened all at the same time.

With everything she timed, 13 seconds seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye.  It was manageable if she had a task to complete, but by no means was it a significant amount of time.  So why did it feel like an eternity, each time she watched that damn video clip?  The more she watched it, the longer it became.  That damn 13-second video clip brought out of her a new set of emotions each time she viewed it.

At first, it was shocking.  She couldn’t register anything she saw because she was too surprised at what she saw. The only thing she could process was the feeling of, Huh? 

So, she watched it again, and this time she did so with a goofy smirk on her face. The smirk was the smirk of embarrassment. Embarrassment for her, for him, for them... for not knowing how to feel.  

She had to sit with it for a few minutes before she could watch it a third time. Instead of just jumping right into again, she decided to go back to the original email and reread the message.  She had been so put off by the video that she forgot what it was that she was being asked to do about it.

When she clicked back on the email from her office and skimmed the contents she could only shake her head. Did they actually expect her to handle this?   Really?  She was a publicist.  His publicist, but come on.  This was asking a bit much, no?  There were 14 other people in that damn firm that could have handled this, even if Alex was her client.  He was still a client of the fucking firm. What was she supposed to do?

Without thinking, she put her thumb to her mouth and started biting the cuticle around her new French manicure.  She had been doing so well with that, too. She only bit or picked at the cuticles on her nails when she was nervous or angry – that’s why she made sure to keep her nail appointments every two weeks. She didn’t want to have ugly cuticles on freshly designed nails.  Now she just wasted 264 DKK.

By the third time she watched the video, she went numb.  She couldn’t tell what she felt, all she knew was her mind wouldn’t let her feel anything.  A million different thoughts and emotions swirled around her, but none of them actually hit her, yet. The best way she could explain it was akin to having an out of body experience.  It felt like the glass desk she sitting at was getting further away from her while her laptop screen continued to get smaller.  She started to see the room she sat in as a person watching this scenario from somewhere else, and as long as she wasn’t directly connected to it, she could continue to disassociate with it. Instead, she could only sit there, with her mouth open, staring blankly at this distant laptop screen, unable to process what the fuck she just saw.  

There were no words. No thoughts.  There was nothing.  Only the feeling of adrenaline coursing through her veins and the sound of her heart breaking in a million pieces, as 13 seconds altered the course of her world.  

Ten minutes had to have passed before Nia clicked the replay button on the YouTube video to watch the clip for the fourth time.  She was in a better place now.  She had gotten up, got a drink of water. Practiced a bunch of things she could do in 13 seconds.  She had refocused.  She could watch it now and deal with it with a clear head. She wasn’t sure how many times she had watched it before – it hadn’t registered. She was still in shock from that initial viewing. But, she needed to watch it again because she had to dissect it.  

Placing her chin in her hand, she didn’t give a fuck if she was transferring her Mahogany Shape Tape foundation and Cocoa Bean Black Radiance pressed powder on her palm.  Fuck the papers that were going to be stained from the makeup transfer.  That was a gripe for another day - black women that wore makeup always had issues with the transfer.  It was the plight of the beauty revolution.  She’d fight that battle another day.  Right now, there more important things to deal with. 

Where the hell were her earphones?  She needed to have the audio go directly into her ears.  There was no time to have the sound filter throughout the loft’s office and possibly get distorted. She needed every word to go directly from the computer, in her ear, and into her brain for immediate translation. Maybe she missed something. Maybe she misinterpreted it. Yea…that was it.  This was on her. It had to be, right?

Plugging in her Beats headphones, she placed them on her ears and turned up the volume on her laptop.  She took in a deep shaky breath and hit the replay button for the fourth time. 

Nope, she hadn’t imagined it.  It was still the same.  He was still having fun, hanging out with those same stupid fucking people.  He was still talking in that same drunken tone.  He still thought everything was so fucking funny and laughed at every fucking thing.  

Why did he do that laugh?  It was laugh he used when he was really tickled.  The one that he accompanied by clapping his hands because he was genuinely amused. It was that laugh that she loved the most.  It was that laugh that made her laugh too, usually.  It was that laugh that brought tears to her eyes.  

What the fuck was he thinking? When was he going to learn? There were so many of these kinds of questions she wanted to ask, but did it matter? Did he ever really have to answer them?  It was always going to be different for him for so many reasons. The question was, did she want to stick it out and deal with it?  

This wasn’t the first time he had done something so irresponsible, so insensitive. She knew it wouldn’t be his last.  The problem was, he never seemed to understand why it was a problem.  Quite frankly, she tired of trying to be his teacher.

Just as she sat the headphones back on the desk, she heard the key in the front door lock.  She didn’t want to deal with him right now. She needed more time to digest everything before she talked to him, otherwise, this wasn’t going to be a productive conversation. 

Nia was not the type of person that liked to argue, let alone, have a conversation when she was angry.  Her words were always carefully weighed, and she very rarely said anything out of anger. Hurting someone’s feelings, being misunderstood, and saying something that she would later regret were things that she tried to avoid.  It wasn’t that she was non-confrontational, she was just reserved, that way.  She didn’t grow up in a house where people yelled or used words to hurt each other.  She didn’t believe in doing that, and she wasn’t going to bring that into her relationship, no matter how passionate Alex could get about a situation.  But the way she was feeling right now, all bets were off.  

“Hallo, Vlad.  Have you been a good boy?” She heard his voice from the hallway rise an entire octave as he addressed their 10-month-old Siberian husky.  She could tell by the way Vlad whined and his paws scratched against the hardwood floors that he was jumping on up Alex.  All of that money they were spending on dog training and Alex was still letting Vlad jump on him. Nia shook her head in irritation.  “I missed you, too, boy.  Where’s Mama, huh?” 

Nia remained frozen to the spot.  She did manage to reach for her vape, on her desk, and noticed how the muscles in her neck and shoulders shook with tension.  Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to unclench her jaw.  She just needed a few more minutes to herself.  If he could just go upstairs, or in another room and leave her alone, she would be able to talk to him about this later. But, knowing him, that wouldn’t happen. 

He would keep pushing and pushing until he found out what was wrong with her and before she knew it they would be in a fight.  A fight that she would be actively participating in.  

“Babe?” He called out, making his way across their loft.  His voice getting closer to her office door. “Hey, babe,” he awkwardly raised his hand in greeting, to accompany his words, followed by his thousand-watt smile. “I got us cheesecake from a new bakery.  Casper speaks highly of them.”

Nia looked at her boyfriend and she could feel the hot sting of tears forming at the back of her eyes. Immediately, she dropped her gaze, not wanting to address him or the situation at the moment.  She managed to nod slowly as she continued to work her now jagged cuticle.

To the rest of the world, Alex Høgh Andersen was the model, actor, and photographer that walked on water, ate bullets, and shit ice cream.  He was the sexy heartthrob that had over a million Instagram followers.  The guy that couldn’t post a picture of taking out the trash without it being sent over 5 continents and 35 countries in a matter of minutes.  He had over 2,000 fan sites, and countless fan fictions written about him…fans adored him the world over and he was only 25. He was fucking perfect.  

To Nia, he was just her Alex.  Her clumsy, silly boyfriend, who never put his clothes in the hamper and always left the toilet seat up.  He was the guy that loved to cook but never cleaned the dishes.  He was the one that was always singing or beat-boxing or banging on something trying to make music.  He was always tried to make people laugh.  He was loud, goofy, and drank too much. He smelled awful after a workout and had the messiest bed head when he let his hair grow.  He sometimes smacked when he chewed and always talked with his mouth full.  He was a clown, but he meant well.  He was sweet, and thoughtful and always treated her like she was the most important woman in the world.  

Nia never had one reason not to trust him...until now.

“Baby,” he took in the expression on her face and rounded the glass desk to where she was sitting.  Kneeling in front of her seat, he turned her swivel chair to face him and took her hands in his, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

She raised her eyes wide and looked at a place on the bookshelf, right over his left ear. Refusing to look into those beautiful blue eyes of his and lose her train of thought.  She felt the sweat start at her top lip, something that always happened right before she was about to cry, but she fought the urge.  

“Alex,” she tried to keep her voice steady, but she was pumped full of adrenaline and emotion so it shook involuntarily, “what the fuck?” She pulled her hand from him and turned her laptop toward him.  Hitting the play button on the YouTube video again, she played the 13-second clip for him.  

Alex watched himself, drunk as hell, outside of a night club in Ireland with friends.  He asked his friend to do part of a skit from one of his favorite comedians.  He knew exactly what was on this clip.  He’d seen it, and still thought it was funny. “What’s wrong?”

Nia didn’t say anything, she just let the clip play.  Alex’s friend, Danny, this clout chasing, promoter fuck stood in the shot with him.  Out of Alex’s mouth came the line from Kevin Hart’s Seriously Funny Comedy routine, “Go night, night, nigga?”

He had said it low as if he was talking to Danny, asking him to perform the line from the stand-up.  So what does the little hanger on do?  Danny, who is black, does a really bad, really loud Kevin Hart impression for Alex and the camera, “Go night, night, Nigga!”  

Alex then comes back in the scene and repeats it and they all laugh because it’s so damn funny.  Alex disappears from the screen because he’s laughing so hard, but Danny is still there, shit-talking about having a big dick.  When Alex returns, the two of them end the video with a rousing chorus of “Alright, alright, alright…”  

She didn’t say anything to him, she just looked.  She searched his face for some sort of understanding, some kind of recognition. Something.  But when he turned back to face her and all she saw was confusion she felt her shoulders drop and the first fat tear roll down her face. “Wow.”

“Honey,” he lifted a brow, not quite sure what his crime was.  He knew she didn’t like Danny, but he hadn’t even seen him since he was in Ireland last.  It had to have been a few months. “This was months ago,” he reassured her, with his Danish accent punctuating his English words, “I know you think I drink too much and you don’t like to see me drunk.  It’s no good when it goes viral.  But, we were just fooling around.  It’s nothing to cry about.”  He cupped her cheek in his hand, hand brushed away her tear with his thumb.  His blue eyes moved swiftly between her brown orbs.  “Where did you even find this?”

“Your fucking manager sent it to me, Alex.  They want me to fix this shit.  I’m supposed to make all of this go away.  Me...your fucking black girlfriend - I have to make this racist bullshit you pulled go away.”  She should smack him.  She should.  It would be justified, right? “How in the fuck am I supposed to do that when you think being drunk was the fucking problem with this video?”    

“I’m not a racist,” he said with genuine shock, “I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. You never do.” She got up from her chair, suddenly needing to distance herself from him.  “Why do I always have to be the one to educate you?  You are a grown man.  I shouldn’t have to explain this shit!  You DON’T get to say that word, Alex.  EVER.” She pointed a well-manicured finger in his direction, “It’s hurtful.  It’s hateful.  It’s ignorant.  And coming from YOU, it’s fucking devastating.” 

He was confused. What was she so upset about?  What exactly had he done wrong?  Turning around in his place, he slowly stood up and leaned against the desk.  Legs outstretched, arms folded across his chest in a defensive position he could tell that his girlfriend of three years was upset. Not just the regular run of the mill upset, either.  Something he had done had really bothered her.  

“Nia,” he breathed her name with a smirk on his face, “I think you’re making way bigger a deal of this than it is.  Danny was there, he didn’t care.  If I had said something bad, he would have told me.”  He pleaded with his face for her to trust him on this, it was all a misunderstanding.  “We were just joking. Besides, I didn’t say the bad word – the one with the other ending.  I changed it. We were just doing the part from the Kevin Hart comedy.” 

“Alex,” she straightened her posture and spoke very clearly so that he could understand her.  There was something in the way that he was dismissing what she had said to him that was really rubbing her the wrong fucking way, “You are not Kevin Hart.”  She did not crack a smile when he did.  She kept her face stoic and refused to drop his gaze.  “You are not black.  YOU don’t get to use that word, or any variation, thereof.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex relaxed his posture and lifted his face toward the ceiling. Is this what he came home for?  He could have still been hanging out with his friends for all this.  At least they wanted to have fun tonight.  It was a Friday for crying out loud, was this how they were going to start their weekend?  It was the first one in months that neither of them had to work.  They had been planning this weekend for forever, it seemed. They were supposed to be Netflix & chilling, drinking wine, having breakfast in bed…nowhere in their itinerary were they supposed to be fighting over a stupid joke.  

Alex’s hand covered most of his face, as he rubbed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want to argue.  He wanted to change out of his hoodie and jeans, and get into some comfortable sweats.  He wanted to feed Vlad and cook dinner with her.  He wanted to eat in front of the TV while they caught up on this season of How to Get Away with Murder, which they promised each other not to watch until they were together.  “Jesus, Nia, why do you always blow things out of proportion?”

“Why do I.. I’m sorry?  Do I always blow things out of proportion?  Really?” She looked around the room as if he were talking to someone else, “Are you fucking shitting me, right now? Blowing shit out of proportion?  Why do you always have to be such an insensitive prick?”  She watched as he threw up his hands and walked out of the room mumbling under his breath.  “Yeah, say that shit in English, Alex, since you have such a grasp of the fucking language.” 

God, she was doing it.  She was doing everything that she never wanted to do when she argued.  She was speaking out of anger.  She losing the point.  She didn’t have one anymore, she was just mad. “Really…I don’t know who the fuck you think you playing with, but I am not the one.”  

Taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch, Alex turned around to face his girlfriend.  He paid particular attention to the way her chest rose and fell when she was heated like this. He had always thought she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen, but now her anger didn’t match her beauty. “I don’t know what your problem is, Nia, or what you think I did, but I told you, it was a joke.  All of this, it’s not fair to take it out on me.  You owe me an apology for starting on me for no reason when I just walked in the house.”  

He flopped down on the couch and leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose.  He could feel a headache beginning right between his eyes and he knew it was from tension. 

“What part of this don’t you understand?  You offended me. You offended black and brown people all over the fucking world, thanks to YouTube.  I don’t have to apologize for shit.  You and your little fucking troll friend need to be apologizing!” She started walking around in a circle, she felt just that crazy at the moment. 

Nia looked over at the corner to Vlad.  His blue eye and brown eye lowered to the floor in sadness, as his parent argued. Her heart broke for their baby, but it couldn’t be helped. “Obviously your manager thinks this is a big fucking deal if they sent this shit to be fixed.  Alex, you can’t go around offending people.  You are in the public eye, whether you want to be or not. You have fans that are from every walk of life - do you know how many of them you just insulted? You need to be more responsible for your actions and the shit that comes out of your mouth.”  

“Nia, I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.  I hear that word a hundred times a day. It’s not a problem.  It’s in every song. It’s on American TV…Danny and your brother-in-law call me that all the time.  I’m not a racist.  I’m in love with a black woman.”  He found himself raising his voice because no matter what he was saying, she didn’t seem like she was understanding, “One time,” he held his finger up to emphasize his point, “I do a part from a comedy that I like, with my black friend, and you lose your damn mind.”  

“What the fuck, yo?” Was she going crazy? She tried to inhale clean air, and exhale the poison before she spoke, however, it wasn’t helping.  All she could do was rub her temples. “Danish, American...it doesn’t fucking matter does it?”

“What doesn’t?”   

“Your privilege?” She rubbed her temples slowly and tried to crack her neck. “I’m gonna say this real slow so you can translate it into whatever the fuck language you need to understand it.  I don’t care how much trap music you listen to. You don’t get to say that word. I don’t care if you know the words to every Kendrick Lamar song.  You don’t get to say that word.  I don’t care how many black friends you have. You don’t say that word.  I don’t care what my brother-in-law calls you, or me, or the man in the moon.  You don’t say that word.”  

She got closer to the couch and bend down so that he could hear her.  Barely opening her teeth to speak, she made her point crystal clear, “And I certainly don’t care if you are fucking me or a 100 other black girls, it doesn’t make you black.  You still don’t get to say that word!”

“Oh my God, Nia! It’s a fucking word.”

Was she talking to herself?  Was he that clueless?  Where there no words in Danish that meant anything like it?  They had racism all over the world, surely there was a word in his language that used to oppress another culture to the effect that that word had been used to tear down black people, but black Americans especially.  Nia didn’t know what it meant to other black people, she could only tell him what it meant to her.  

“Do you know what’s like to have no identity, Alex?  Do you know what it’s like to still be referred to as the term they used when they listed you in catalogs to be bought and sold like an animal?  It was no different than saying the word ‘cow’ – it was a word to describe cattle. That’s what an entire country thought of people that look like me.  For no other reason than the color of my skin.”  She couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in her eyes.  She was so beyond mad that her voice was eerily quiet.  “Those people didn’t do anything to deserve it.  They were just born next to the equator.” She shrugged her shoulders in defeat.

“That word stripped men of their role in the family and made some impotent and others were turned into bucks that were only good for breeding…it broke them. It made women broodmares, whose job was to have babies to keep plantations going.  Families were sold apart no different than how Vlad was taken from his mother because he’s a dog.” She pointed to their puppy hoping that he would understand, “They thought it was okay to do that to my ancestors because of that word. Alex, I don’t care how much you hear that word. When you say it, that’s what it feels like to me. That I don’t exist.  That Nia doesn’t exist. That I’m no different than Vlad. But, here’s the rub - in all the time we’ve had him I have never once heard you refer to him as a dog.  But now you used the word nigga, and you think it’s funny.  So, I have to wonder now, how do you describe me?”

He was dumbstruck. 

He didn’t mean any of that when he said it.  It was a joke.  It was an homage to Kevin Hart.  It was fucking funny.  He understood that she was hurt, but he didn’t quite get why she was hurting. “I see that this hurt you. I’m sorry about that.  It was not my intention.”  He reached out to touch her and retrieved his hand when she pulled away, “If it was wrong, why didn’t Danny correct me?”

“That little fucker?” God, she hated him.  “Because he set your ass up and you’re too fucking stupid to know it.”  She didn’t mean that.  She didn’t want to hurt him just because he had hurt her.  But she was tired of telling him the same thing over and over again. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that little bastard is not your friend?  Do you remember how we met?  The drunken video he posted of you doing the Haka dance that ended up all over the internet? Do you remember how I had to spin that shit to save your career?”  She rolled her eyes and stood up from the couch. “Whenever you pop a bottle, that little clout chaser is always right there with a fucking camera.”  

“He’s not like that, he’s my friend.”

“He set your ass up! It’s a game, Alex!  Black guys play it all the time.  See if you can make your white friend say the word. Only, I’m surprised he didn’t punch you in the mouth afterward.  Cause that’s what they’d’ve done in the States.  But maybe things worked differently in Ireland.”  

“Whatever,” Letting out a frustrated sigh, Alex resigned.  

“Right. Whatever.” Walking back into her office, she slammed the lid closed on her laptop before throwing it and a few files into her work bag. “Un-fuckin-believable.”  She left out of the office and sat her bag on the floor by the door before she walked across the hardwood floors towards the stairs. “Move, Vlad,” she said lovingly rubbing her big four-legged baby on the head.  

Vlad made no intention of moving as if he was purposely trying to stop her from ascending the stairs.  Instead, the dog looked at her, then back at Alex, before turning his gaze back at her. “Vladimir, honey, I need you to move.” She watched as her 50-pound defiant child laid on the bottom step and put his brown and white head on his paws. “Fine,” she said, skipping a step to climb over him and made her way up the rest of the stairs, rolling her eyes when the dog followed behind her.

Alex followed behind them and stood in the doorway of their bedroom watching as grabbed a handful of items; a t-shirt, toothbrush, and hair scarf. This entire argument had been blown way out of proportion. Now she was leaving?  “Baby, where you going?”

“Away from you.”

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