#but who knows maybe one day i'll revisit this au i do so love it

[ifyougoillfollow]

as we sink into the open sea

M/F, Gen | QPR MicNight | 1720 words | Selkie AU CW: Depiction of Suicide Attempt (non-graphic)

-

On the eve of his nineteenth birthday, Yamada Hizashi walks into the ocean and comes back with a wife.

Please understand, that wasn't his intention. Yamada Hizashi is not the kind of man to believe in tales of sirens and sea wives, and he is especially not the kind of man with dreams of snaring one for himself. He is, in point of fact, not a man of any dreams at all. Not anymore.

So he walks into the ocean, figuring that if he can't find the will to keep dreaming, then he can at least find some peace at last. He finds a wife, instead.

Or rather, she finds him.

She finds him as his body hits the sea floor, at the very moment the first wave of doubt rolls over him in one fell, unrelenting swoop, much too late for him to do anything about it. He's so overcome with it he doesn't think much of the figure that glides out of the ocean murk and sidles right up to him. Wide, shark-bright eyes peer at him, so close they fill up his entire swimming, pin-pricking vision, and all Hizashi can think about is how soon he's going to die, and how he’s not so sure he wants to die after all, and how little what he wants matters in this final moment, as in all the rest before it, and then the figure places one cold hand on his colder cheek and kisses him. She's all Hizashi can think of, then.

She's dark-haired and beautiful. And strong. And a good swimmer, too, but that's to be expected. She drags him back to shore, lips locked tight over his the whole way, and she doesn't let go until his lungs are clear of ocean brine.

Hizashi lies there, alive and silent on the cold, wet sand for a good while after. Long enough for the first hint of morning blue to blush over the horizon. The sea maiden lies with him, just as alive, just as silent, and infinitely more at ease. Cozied right up to his side, as if she belongs there, seemingly content to remain there for however long Hizashi has left on this Earth now that she's saved him. Try as he might, he can't figure out whether he's grateful or not. He does, however, remember his manners, on occasion, so when he finally finds his voice again, he uses it to thank her.

"You're welcome," the sea maiden replies. There's laughter in her voice. Hizashi doesn't know what there is to laugh about, though he finds himself wishing she'd actually done so, just so he could hear it. He used to love laughter. Impossibly, he still does.

Yamada Hizashi had a knack for making people laugh, once. It was all he knew how to do, really. He doesn't know much of anything now, least of all how to make the sea maiden in his arms laugh, so he says nothing.

The sea maiden in his arms says nothing either, at first, for just long enough Hizashi startles when she does speak: "Is that it?"

"Pardon?"

"Is that all you're going to say?"

"... Is there more I should be saying?"

"There must be." There it is again – the laugh in her voice. "You don't strike me as the quiet type in the least."

That's what it is – she's teasing him. It's much too familiar to do anything but rankle. "Listen, Miss –”

She snorts. "Nemuri."

"Listen –” his face burns as he realizes that's her given name, and he refuses to say it "– listen, I'm grateful to you for saving me and all, but you don't know anything about me."

She peels away from his side. "Liar."

"Pardon?"

"You're not grateful at all," she grunts through an impressive stretch, current-strong arms flung upward and out towards the heavens. She's wearing a sealskin cape and nothing else, and is so unembarrassed by it Hizashi can't muster up any on her behalf. She winks at him. "But you will be," she adds. Then: "Take off your clothes."

"Pardon?"

This time she does laugh – seagull-like – loud and sharp and to the point. "Well, I don't know much about land folk, but it's my understanding you don't handle being wet all that well."

Hizashi wraps his arms around himself, scowling. "I'll be fine."

"Suit yourself."

The sea maiden stands – or at least tries to. She heaves herself upward in a motion that would probably be fluid underwater, then loses her balance, toppling backwards onto the sand, rump first. The sight of her glaring down at her legs is almost enough to pull a laugh out of Hizashi.

"Stupid things," she grumbles, kicking up sand.

Hizashi does laugh, then, which is a mistake. The sea maiden stands, suddenly sure-footed in her indignation, and uses her newfound mastery over her lower appendages to kick sand in his direction.

Hizashi cannot stop laughing. He laughs until his new companion loses interest in burying him under sand. He laughs until the sun finally frees itself from under the weight of the horizon. He laughs until he almost forgets he just tried to kill himself.

When he's all laughed out, the sea maiden is still there. Sitting across from him, hands and feet planted firmly in the sand, peering at him with a smile so dry it's a wonder she doesn't hail from land herself.

Without a word, she stands again, solid and steady, all remaining traces of sea legs gone, and hauls Hizashi to his own significantly less steady feet. While he's still reeling from... all of it – the strength of her hands around his, the seafoam-salt smell of her filling his impossibly pumping lungs, the laughter still clanging through every hollow part of him – the sea maiden takes her sealskin cape and drapes it over Hizashi's shoulders.

It's soft and musky and so warm it feels more alive than he does, but, most of all, it's heavy.

Hizashi tries to shrug it off. "Thanks," he says stiffly, "but I said I'm fine."

"I heard you," says the sea maiden, rearranging the cape around him.

"I don't need it."

"I know."

She fastens the cape closed around his neck, patting his chest firmly. It's so long it covers Hizashi all the way down to his shins. On her, it must have just brushed over the sand at her feet. The uncanny warmth of it doesn't seep even as the seafront breeze hits it, makes it flap and flutter around him in a heavy, even bump-bump, bump-bump beat. Nothing could ever hope to reach him past that beat and that warmth.

"I don't want it, either," he lies, because he has to, because he's never known what to do in the face of so much want, because he's always wanted too many things, and he's wanted them too much.

"Neither do I," says the sea maiden, breezy as the morning. "Maybe we should leave it here, lying around. I'm sure no one else would find it, if we hid it well enough."

Hizashi blanches at the thought. He may not be the kind of man to believe in tales of sea wives, but he has heard enough of them to be wary of the kind of man who does. He fumbles for the clasp at the base of his throat. "Just take it back. Go home."

"Hm, I don't think so." She sidesteps his attempts to foist the cape back onto her, walking away backwards, hands clasped behind her head. "I think I'll stick around here for awhile. Explore the land realm. It seems exciting."

Hizashi chases after her, cape held out like a net. "It isn't."

She twirls away again. "Liar."

"It's too exciting, then. Dangerous."

"So is the ocean – didn't stop you from walking into it."

"That was –" Hizashi falters, loses his footing "– different," he finishes lamely, hands fisted in the sand-soiled cape caught under his knees.

The sea maiden stands over him. "You're right," she says, "that was different – I'm not going into this trying to die. I'd say that alone makes my odds of survival look pretty swell, don't you think?"

Hizashi stares up at her, looming tall against the dawn sky, so tall she dwarves the rising sun itself, and has no doubt she'd survive even the drying of all seven seas if it meant she got to live.

"You're naked," he says, because he's running out of arguments, and the will to keep making them.

"I wouldn't be if you gave me your clothes,” she shoots back, “I gave you mine, didn't I? It would only be fair."

The cape is velvet-smooth as Hizashi slides it out from under himself, warmer still from the heat of his body and the sun-washed sand, which slides off of it like ocean spray from mossy seaside cliffs. His sea maiden – Nemuri – takes it from him and helps him back to his feet. She folds it over her arm, as if merely holding on to it for the moment, and arches an expectant eyebrow at him.

Sighing, Hizashi shrugs off his coat. "Yes,” he relents, “I suppose it would only be fair."

On the dawn of his nineteenth birthday, Yamada Hizashi walks into town with nothing but a sealskin cape on his back and a wife.

Or so the townsfolk like to tell it, because the townsfolk love a good fairy tale romance almost as much as they love to pity him. In time, they will come to pity him even this moment and his sea-wild wife, as outrageous as she is beautiful, as the very ocean itself, and Yamada Hizashi will do what he has always done in the face of undue pity, which is to laugh in it and continue loving whoever and whatever he loves, in whichever way he sees fit.

But that will come later. For now, in the rosy light of a dawn he never planned to see, Hizashi walks into town beside Nemuri, the sea maiden who saved his life – the woman who will be called his wife and be so much more – and is content enough to have finally figured out he’s grateful, even if he has yet to figure out much else. The rest will follow, he’s sure, in good time and – even better – good company.

[sweetshelluvaau]

Finally, I finished him!

So here he is, the King of Lust himself, Asmodeus! I wanted to take a break from the main cast plus hyperfixation came into play so if I didn't draw Ozzie my brain would have exploded so here we are. I'm putting this under read more because there's a lot of ranting before I get to the notes on the redesign plus pictures to address my points:

To be honest: I don't mind Ozzie's design/outfit in the show. It isn't horrible by any means and there was a time where I could say I even liked it. But when Oops dropped and seeing him without the suit happened, disappointment sunk in.

Are you telling me this man, is a beefcake under that compression suit? The embodiment of lust is jacked and his outfit doesn't show that!?

Seriously Viv, where's the beef?

And while I did say that I did at one time like his design, I never found it really 'sexy' (his voice on the other hand...) and after seeing his beautiful chest all I can do is cry about it.

Also: what is it with Viviziepop and top hats? It's if half of her male cast wears them. It'd make sense for some characters, notability sinners who died in their era that they were popular but it makes no sense for other characters. In this case, I just think Ozzie looks better without one.

Ahem, yeah okay, right, soooo notes:

I noticed one of his earlier looks before the final design he had a longer, thicker and fluffier neck and kinda sad they didn't keep that being it worked with the rooster motif he's suppose to have. I decided to incorporate it back into my design just because I can. Plus, ya know it's fluffy:

I also decided to give him bird feet/chicken legs and make him a bit thicker thighs because excuse me he's part rooster have you seen the meat on those things?!

Because my obsession with his chest, I decided that the outfits should show it off more because, um...chest. Also: FLUFF. idk why I just really wanted to make him fluffy.

The outfit on the right was the one I drew first but I felt it was lacking the regal feel I wanted to go with being he is one of the Deadly Sins and I wanted to show that (along with his chest and fluff but shh). I decided to keep it as a secondary, causal outfit on days off when all you want to just lay on the couch and chill/cuddle with your boyfriend. (likely gonna get rid of the neckless being I mostly just added it because I thought it was funny. If you know, you know.)

After going back at it a second time I decided to go for a burlesque style (Not sure if I nailed it or not) considering his club sorta had that theme going for it and while I'm more than likely going to revisit and change a few things later on, I overall love how the outfit came out.

And of course, a crown. I may get rid of the fire/flaming top in later drawings but I thought it was cool at the time.

I may still revisit the design to maybe add a bit more bull, goat and possible dragon to his design outside of the heads but I think I may save that for when I cerate his full demon form where I'll have those features stand out more. Likely won't have him have his tiny form in my au, no matter how cute it is.

not really a design note persay but kinda want to mention it because it bothers me: I drew/inked and colored both of these at different times which is why the anatomy and coloring is so different from each other. I'm still playing around with clip studio paint tho I think the shading style on the right is the one I'm gonna go with for now on.

As for character/lore notes: I really don't like how it feels as if Ozzie (along with some other characters) was defanged in season two plus how they made him, a deadly sin, not feeling all too threating. Granted, Ozzie being nice isn't the problem (being nice doesn't necessarily mean you're a good person plus I do like that the sins do have some virtues like believing in consent being ya know, complexity and what not suppose to be full on evil) and I even have him being one of the nicer Sins in my AU but still can have his dickish moments and hell, he and Fizz are gonna drag your corpse with the amount of roasting they're dishing you about your sex life because god they were so much fun when both them had more bite. Please bring back my chaotic asshole jester gremlin and his rooster boyfriend tag teaming about how much you suck in bed and just being a general nuisances to society plzthx. (plus ya know, Fizz is a Jester his job is roasting people. Not to say he can't have some kindhearted moments. His friendship with Blitzo gives me life and I love the moment with the deaf kid even if you have to question why a kid is doing at a 18+ event to begin with but that's a whole other can of worms.)

While I'm not going with the circus theme that Viv claims she's going for with each Deadly Sin being based off a circus act (which is a fun idea in theory tbh if that idea expanded on outside of a poorly done aesthetic), I kind of like the idea of a magician motif for Ozzie due to his use of fire plus one of his infernal correspondences happens to be illusions, which we kinda saw him do in Ozzie's. I thought it was a cool touch, regardless if that was intentional or not.

Also, apparently it's canon that Fizzarolli is his first romantic relationship and idk that kinda bothers me. Asmodeus is over thousand years old and in biblical lore he's been in a few relationship (plus what happened in the Book of Tobit with Sarah). Why not play around with that? In my AU, he's been in at least two (Lilith and Mammon respectfully, and I'll talk about that at a later time) before but they were all failed relationships, which soured his view on love for a long time until he fell for Fizz. I also headcanon Ozzie being/use to being a bit of a hopeless romantic, as much as he tries to hide it (poorly).

Hey, I drew some half decent hands for once.

Anyways, yeah, here's my version of Ozzie. Next up with be either Stolas (which is less of an rewrite and more of a damn overhaul because holy shit I really had enough of this guy in canon) or perhaps Beelzebub being I got some ideas for her too.

Made with Clip Studio Paint and Photoshop CS6 for final touches. Okay to reblog, Feedback is encourage.

[btr-rewatch]

hii, you mentioned you were around during the fandom's heyday, i was wondering if you had any favorite fics from back in the day you'd like to share? <3

Hello! Yes, BTR was actually my official "introduction" to online fandom when I was younger :) I spent so much time here on tumblr and fanfiction.net, which was a lot of fun because the fandom was at its biggest and most active.

Good timing with this ask, because I was actually thinking about making a post with some of the fics that were popular (or that I personally enjoyed) back when the show was on. I still have them bookmarked on my old laptop! I'll select a handful and put them under a read more.

Quick disclaimer that I cannot attest for the quality of any of these fics now. I haven't revisited most of these since I originally read them, though the main details have cemented themselves in my brain on account of my past self having read them over and over and over. Still, I don't know if my older, adult self would find them any good in regards to writing quality or the actual content.

• Ok. So, I have to start out by mentioning Laura (known as Miss Fenway), who I wrote briefly about in my BTF Fandom Lore post. When I tell you that she was the "Queen" of the fandom for the years the show ran, I'm not kidding. Everybody knew her. She churned out fanfics like it was her job. She was responsible for a lot of the headcanons that ended up being adopted by the rest of the fandom. And she wrote "Little Hollow," the 55-chapter, 160,000-word fic that had a profound effect on the fandom. Basic premise is: Logan gets cancer, and from there, everything spirals into tragedy and heartbreak. She then wrote a fic based off an alternate ending to "Little Hollow" called "Three" that absolutely destroyed my younger self when I first read it. Like. It was just too much for me.

Back in the day, Logan was the character who was tormented the most by fic writers, and nobody tormented him quite like Miss Fenway. In some of her other fics, he loses an arm in a shark attack, becomes a drug addict, gets kidnapped, is in a car accident that leaves him brain-damaged, is in a hockey accident that leaves him with amnesia, and so on.

Personally, I was partial to "All These Lives" & its sequel "September." To THIS DAY, I cannot hear either of those Chris Daughtry songs without thinking of those fics.

• If you're into AUs, "Mania" was hands-down one of my favorite BTR fics (maybe even one of my favorite fics period). It's like...an edgier version of the boys? They're a gang of sorts, formed out of necessity in order to keep their neighborhood safe from a rival gang. They carry weapons, get into fist-fights daily, and will go to the ends of the Earth to keep Katie safe. Listen. It sounds off the rails, but read it. Trust me. Even now, years later, this fic occasionally pops into my head out of nowhere because I loved it so much.

• Fics that focused on the guys as little kids were very hit or miss (and sometimes could be weird), but I've got to include two of my favorites, "The Petting Zoo" and "Trouble." They both capture the personalities of the boys so well, and I have to imagine this is a lot what they were like as kids. Chaos all the time. Idk, I thought both of these were so funny. Worth a read, in my opinion.

• Alrighty, last fic on this list is a doozy. It's called "Another Reason." This was my absolute favorite BTR fic, and it was one that I read and literally needed several days to digest because it was such an emotional ride. This is a DARK ONE, guys. It's gritty and depressing and hard to read, to the point I only ever read it once because I was never quite ready to return to it. Kendall is kidnapped and tortured for days by someone associated with Hawk (I think??) so it def treads into AU territory because it's nowhere near the lighthearted, goofy feel of the showverse rivalry between Hawk and Rocque Records. Feeling like the police aren't doing all they can to find Kendall, the remaining three boys steal Mrs. Knight's car and take off in search of Kendall.

Like I said, I haven't reread it because it was a tough read, but I remember it being well-written and rambling at length about it to a family member.

And that's where I'll leave it for now! If anyone checks any of these out, I'd love to hear thoughts (my ask box is always open). I also welcome your own fic suggestions, since I really haven't ventured back into the BTR fanfic world yet. Also, thanks to everyone who read the fic I posted the other day!

[pjunicornart]

FIRST OF ALL I LOVE UR LITTLE OTP SO MUCH. how they never crossed my mind baffles me bcuz that is gen such a good pair??

ANYWHO any hcs?? im so curious like yes yes tell me more about ur ot4.,.,..

ALSO ANY IDEA OF A SHIP NAME???

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get to this. It was because my body was basically BEGGING me to take a break... I had a pounding headache and my drawing arm and hand felt heavy and sore. So to any artists out there... don't be like me. Take breaks. In fact, I'm probably not gonna be posting any art for a few days so I can give my body time to rest. Unfortunately, I inherited my father's workaholism...

ANYWAY. Glad you like it! Meet the Robinsons needed more... gay. So, I provided! When I first revisited this movie and saw all four of those characters I knew my gay ass brain was gonna do something with them. And that, it did.

The piece I did was them within the AU. Let's give the characters some brief summaries before going into detail (under the cut)... - Lewis is a nerdy finger gun bi disaster. 'Nuff said. - Goob is a jock type. - Lizzy is the goth girl, with a hint of weirdcore influences. - Franny is the choir girl. - All of them are 16.

Lewis He was the one Goob, Lizzy, and Franny had in common. Essentially, all three of them liked Lewis "in that way." The three of them had kind of silently agreed they all wanted to get with Lewis. Nevermind that Lewis was completely oblivious to all of this and deep within his own bi panic! In this AU, he attends high school like everybody else, but he does go off campus for a couple of periods for college classes. He's a star student! Not popular in the sense that he's the school hot shot, but in the sense that everybody knows him for being very kind and an overachiever. Oh, and Lewis was never given up for adoption! He lives with his birth mom and about-to-be step-dad.

Michael (Goob) He's the ACTUAL school hot shot. Star baseball player who holds the school athletics records. I'll admit, Goob was kind of my way of making Jock Paperjam from the OG NaJ AU not problematic, and like how I imagined him being. To channel the trauma and come out from it, y'know? (Heh, I even gave him his face shape...) He's the tallest of the four, and the strongest, too. Only his girlfriends and boyfriend know how sweet and loving he is. His love language is definitely physical touch and protection. I specifically imagine him holding Lewis close to his chest while laying on the couch. Goob is not a bully, I want to make that clear. He's just a little cocky.

Lizzy Ah yes, the goth girl. I expanded her special interest from ants, to bugs in general. Her favorites are still ants, obviously. I imagine she has a couple of creepy crawlies in resin sitting on top of her dresser. Like a tarantula named Nacho. She's not necessarily full goth, because in the image I drew she has purple as well. So she's more of a pastel goth, maybe nu-goth. Lizzy is definitely a teaser! Her favorite to tease is Goob, because she likes to see him get worked up. She may be small, but she's a fire cracker!

Franny Last - but certainly not least - Franny. She's in the school choir, and is overall very musically gifted. Both of her older brothers are away at college, so it's just her and her mom in the house. Within the relationship, she's the one who showers them with kisses and hugs. She's very bubbly and energetic, and she has no bad bones in her body... except when you talk shit about her boys and girl, then you better hope you're not karate chopped in the throat. I also turned up her love for frogs into a hyperfixation, hence the froggy bucket hat. You have no idea how tempted I was to buy that hat when I saw it in Hot Topic...

The ship name is really quite simple: Family.

I saw the templates in your other ask! I'm gonna keep there for a bit, and I'll fill them out when I'm not actively dying hopefully!

[whysamwhy123]

✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by the wonderful dynamic duo that is @aerodaltonimperial and @perhapswhoknowsvamp and it's very fitting that those two lovely people tagged me because they're a big reason why I wrote much of anything this year! Took me a while to get this done because I wanted to get my last fic of the year out the door first. I'll put the rest below the cut, and fair warning - it's loooooong. This bitch doesn't shut up, so I rambled on. A lot.

Words and Fics

76, 222 words published on AO3 in 2023

15 fics published on AO3 (16 if you count that one kinkmeme prompt I filled and posted anonymously)

2 little tumblr ficlets

Top 3 by Kudos

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen (not super surprising, considering it was a popular pairing at the time, and it was the fic I wrote for the anniversary event)

Kids These Days And Their Darn Phones - Hookhausen

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (I continue to be incredibly surprised how well this fic did, like...huh?!)

Top 3 by Hits

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen

Voice in the Dark, Part Two - Hookhausen (how fitting, LOL)

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (Seriously, what was it about this fic that drew people in? More so than any of my other OrangeHook fics? Like, I'm grateful and all but also confused, like this fic is way too long?! And weird about the age difference?!)

Author's Favourite

As much as I'm loving writing OrangeHook now, I think Voice in the Dark, Part Two is probably the best thing I've written? Even though it's also overly long and gets weird at the end (very much did not expect it to go in that direction when I started writing it), I'm actually pretty proud of how that one turned out. I had a clear vision in my head for how each scene would play out and what I wanted to get across, and man, I remember how most of the Hook/Evilhausen dialogue popped into my brain late one night when I couldn't sleep, so I spat it out into a doc and then about a month later when I actually wrote the scene, I don't think I changed a single word? I just added everything else around it, all the not-dialogue parts. And it was just a lot of fun getting to carry on that story, especially as someone who hasn't managed to crank out a proper multi-chapter fic yet. Who knows, maybe I'll return to that world someday...

Fandom Events in 2023

Uh, well, I guess I did the whole Hookhausen Anniversary thing? And...that's about it. I'm pretty disconnected from the fandom at large, whoopsie daisy 😬

Upcoming Projects

Hoo boy.

I have over 5k words of a Ricky/Christian Sugar Baby AU thing written already. I haven't posted it because it kinda needs some smut and that's still not something I can really do. I might post it someday, if I can make something work, or alternatively do what I normally do and put an annoying fade to black in there. Or maybe I'll think better of it and never post it because it's very self-indulgent and I highly doubt anyone else would really be interested or want me to continue it or anything. But I have Ideas for it...so many ideas...

Also, in my ill-fated quest to try and make myself write smut, I kinda started a Ricky/Bill championship celebration fic. Maybe I'll revisit that? Try to get it done?

And then there's that one fic I really want to work on, but have barely started. I've vague-posted about it here before - it's an incredibly fucked-up Dead Dove fic about Daniel Garcia and a Very Bad, Not-Good thing that happens to him, and the subsequent complete mental breakdown that follows. I've had the idea rattling around in my brain for the better part of a year at this point, despite not making much actual progress on it. Every time I think about it though, I have new ideas for scenes or dialogue. I'd like to make it work, but I don't know if I have the writing chops to handle it, plus it would probably end up being super long and nobody would want to read it, so it'd feel like a huge waste of time on my part? And I've had the idea for so long, it's out-dated too. But still, the urge remains...

Oh, and I still have a ton of OrangeHook ideas I'd like to make happen. Some are, of course, about their age difference. Some would (ideally) involve smut. And others... *nervous laughter* Others would likely result in an ''Everyone disliked that'' situation...

Writing Reflection

I was thinking about making a sappy post about this and whoops, here's my excuse! I don't talk a lot on here about my tragic backstory because honestly, who cares? But I will say this - before January of this year, I hadn't written a word of anything in years. Fic or otherwise. I used to love writing, but Stuff Happened and it killed all enjoyment I got out of it, and I thought that's how it would be forever. Then, for reasons I can't even remember, I started reading fic again, specifically in this wild little fandom of ours, and y'all are just so talented that it made my untalented ass want to give it another shot. So...I did.

I remember when I posted my first fic in ages back in January, I thought ''Maybe about three people will read this and no one will leave a comment or anything, but whatever, I wrote a thing and that's something I haven't done in years so that's enough for me!'' And to be honest, I still think that whenever I post stuff now? It's crazy to me that anyone actually reads my stuff and gets some kind of kick out of it. But every kudos and comment floors me and brings me so much joy, I can't even express it properly. I have to say a huge thank you to anyone who's ever read one of my fics, left kudos or dropped a comment. Whoever and wherever you are, you made my day!

And look, I ain't delusional. I know that calling myself a small fish in the fandom would be too generous. But I'm fine with that - because I'm genuinely enjoying writing again and that's what matters most to me. Even though I've also rediscovered how stressful writing can be (🙂🙂🙂) when it comes down to it, there's joy and happiness in my life that wasn't there last year and that's all because I started writing again. And because some lovely folks here decided to let me know they liked what I was throwing out there. The years have not been kind to ol' Sammy Sam-Sam and this year was no exception, but getting to forget about all that shit and write my silly little wrestling fanfiction has been a great distraction and a comfort through this whole year.

So...yeah. Thanks to everyone who's ever commented on my writing, thanks to the folks who follow me on here (I don't know how you manage that though, I'm such an annoying bitch, aren't you sick of me yet?) and thanks to anyone who I've had the chance to chat with about writing and ships and whatever silly little ideas pop into my head (any of y'all feel free to message me at any time, I am always down to blab about whatever blorbos/ideas take your fancy). I'm hoping I can keep this train a-rollin' a little more next year. Still thinking back to when I started writing again, I made my new AO3 account expecting to write Dustjim only, but then I quickly decided I couldn't write those two well enough, and since then I've bounced around a bunch of different pairings, with a few rarepairs shoved in between for good measure. God only knows where my head will be at this time next year, LOL. I'd love to finally be able to attempt some of the bigger ideas I've been cooking up for a while now. Maybe I'll even write a proper multi-chapter fic? We'll see, but this bitch can dream, at least.

Rules:

Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm pretty sure everyone I know who writes has already been tagged? So if you're reading this and you haven't, go ahead and do it! By which I mean, eat glass. Eat all the glass that you want. Accidents happen in the dark.

[capybaraonabicycle]

PLEASE tell me more about the Hadestown au

Okay, okay, this makes me so excited, please feel free to add and ask further questions as much as you like. It's a very shiny new idea, you know how that goes :D

And this will be LONG, so sorry about that? I will put it below a cut in any case. If you don't want to read all of that, I completely get it, so don't worry ❤

So, the casting: Bill is Orpheus, Heather is Euridice, Missy is Hades, 12 is Persephone, River is Hermes and Nardole works for her, Danny is one of the humans in the Nethersphere. (Which makes 'being a God' synonyms with 'having regenerative abilities' - not sure whether I like that too much, but maybe I'll have to live with that.)

I haven't cast the muses yet, and I am not sure I will include them. But I've been thinking about using Simm!, Jacobi! and Dhawan!Master, I think they'd fill that role perfectly. Whispering bad advice in the back of your head sounds very them.

Missy is the God of Death, Misstress of Hadestown or how we call it here: The Nethersphere. She invites the souls of the dead and promises them freedom and loss of all pain. Then she sends them to haunt the Nethersphere, which looks a little like a mixture of the actual Nethersphere and the inside of passenger forms. Except it is filled with cybermen, hunting the souls for decades until they finally catch up and turn them into one of them.

The Doctor is the God of Hope. Both the living and the dead need hope more than anything so he travels between the worlds in a blue box that 'falls from the sky'. No one knows when he comes or for how long he will stay but no one really cares anymore. The Doctor is old and worn out and has long ceased to carry happiness with him.

River is the Godess of Time. She can make months fly by like days and seconds stretch into hours, sometimes it even feels like she can stop time. It's why she's sometimes mistaken for the Godess of love. There is no time in the Nethersphere so she stays on Earth among the mortals. She can also turn back time and revisit a period. But she can't change anything that will happen, as much as she might try.

This is how we start off: River has just reset to the day our lovers meet, watching their tragedy yet again and hoping against all odds it will turn out differently this time. The story is basically the Orpheus/Euridice story with those characters and slightly different setting. It's about a young girl, Bill. She's the daughter of a Muse, an old friend of River's who left her child behind as muses do.

Bill is not a musician, so Orpheus is a scholar instead. I think that works just as well. Science and poetry are the same thing after all (because of the rhymes). Our setting is the university in Bristol. Bill's a poor girl, can't afford uni but a few months ago, the Doctor showed up. And River made him notice her, so suddenly she's in. Working on her great dream to become a scientist. They have travelled the world together and have just returned, so Bill can work on her finals.

She's out in a bar that night with River and Nardole, when she sees Heather. Bill has been noticing her before in the lectures and now she can't avert her gaze. So obviously, River and Nardole make her talk to her. Heather has never really been home anywhere, always carried away by the wind. She's never had anyone to care for her either and thus initially, Bill comes on quite strong. But she's kind and bright-eyed and asks the right questions and Heather for the first time feels SEEN.

So in the beginning it's great. They get together, move in together while both attending university. Bill gets closer to her goal of becoming a scientist and Heather finally has a reason to stay. But the TARDIS comes to take the Doctor back to the Nethersphere. And Bill can't finish her studies. She works tirelessly, tries to become the best she can so when he is back, she can finish and her and Heather will be free.

Heather starts fearing he might never come back. No one has come back from the Nethersphere except Gods; and frankly the Doctor doesn't seem much like a God anymore. She implores Bill to give up on him and leave. Without the Doctor without the chance to finish school there is nothing here for them.

But Bill can't give up. So Heather relents and she stays but she wishes for a way out. And then the blue box lands at uni again. And Heather recognises her. So she investigates. There is a strange woman in the box, telling her the Doctor's her boyfriend and she can bring her to him. Heather doesn't trust her, suspects that she is the Misstress of the Nethersphere. But she has to take the chance and so she follows her.

They arrive at the Nethersphere and Missy shows Heather a man who shall show her around. The man does not give a name and when Heather asks he says he doesn't remember it. But it doesn't matter, what matters is that they don't stay too long in one place. Heather tells him she is looking for someone but when she tries to tell him the name, she can't remember it either.

Shortly later she completely forgets why she has come, where she has come from and who she is. She only has the vague feeling that there is another person supposed to be walking next to her, not her new friend. When she tells him, his eyes gloss over and he admits that he has been thinking the same thing. He believes he can sometimes see 'her' in his dreams but when he wakes up, she is gone.

They stick together and stay close to the river of the dead. There are scary voices crying out from there but the water scares the cybermen away and according to Heather's new friend that is all that matters. Sometimes, they will stumble into an old man people call 'the Doctor'. He roams around aimlessly across the Nethersphere, telling stories of a phantastical land he calls 'the world of the living'.

Heather's friend doesn't like the bumbling old man who's rude and self-obsessed and always leaves you with a bad feeling. He is wary of him and says he is in cohorts with the Misstress. But for some reason, he feels strangely and comfortingly familiar to Heather. Like he is part of a promise she is trying to keep without knowing what it entails.

Back on Earth, Bill notices that Heather is gone and starts looking for her. With River and Nardoles help, she finds her way to the Nethersphere. Maybe they have a way of calling the TARDIS and allowing her to exit without contract?

Not long after, Bill finds Heather. Her ways of asking the right questions make Heather remember her and the other lost souls start questioning whether the Nethersphere is the paradise Missy likes to portray it as and whether they can't run away in the TARDIS with Bill.

Missy senses the dawning revolution and decides to kill Bill and Heather before they can reach the box. The Doctor can convince her to hear Bill out instead. Bill figures out the relationship issues the Doctor and Missy are having and gives them a basis to work on to improve them in the progress.

Missy decides she will give Bill a test and if she wins, her and Heather can return home and Heather can live again. But they can't use the TARDIS this time, they will have to walk, the long, cold and dark way back to Earth.

We definitely want some 'don't turn around' thing here but I don't quite know what yet. And when Bill eventually does turn around, Heather is getting pulled back. Bill grasps her hand, but Heather is like smoke, escaping her. That's when a cyberman shows up. Bill understands that she can't hold Heather because she does not belong to the Nethersphere. But the cyberman does and he can convert her.

And now there are two possibilities I have been thinking about :

A) Bill asks the cyberman to help them and convert her. The cyberman looks past her at Heather and calls her by her name. She recognises him as her friend - Danny, as he lets her know because he can remember anything now - and pleads he will leave them be instead. Danny realises that in Bill's shoes he would have asked for the same and he goes and converts her.

Bill can hold Heather now and for a moment, she fears she will get converted now, too, because that's what cyberman are built to do. She tries her best to remember Bill how she looked before even though the Nethersphere tries to steal her memories away. So she closes her eyes and kisses the cyberman, where Bill's mouth would have been. When they part, Bill looks like herself again and all of Heather's memories are back. Both of them are dripping water.

Defying both the cyberman programming and the Nethersphere forgetful-mist turned them into their anti-matter: the water of the river running along the seems of the Nethersphere and all over the world. They return to the river and continue to travel between the worlds together, promising Danny to watch over his love who is still on Earth until they will eventually help her cross.

The cycle finally broken and her friend lost, River decides to leave time on Earth in Nardole's care for a while and visit her husband and wife in their realm. She helps them heal and Missy undoes the cyberman conversion, transforming the Nethersphere into a less twisted place.

But that's kinda exactly the opposite of what happens in the pilot and I am not sure I like that. So option

B) Bill doesn't get converted. Heather asks her not to, or Danny refuses, or the Doctor shows up and talks her out of it, or she decides herself that she doesn't want that. So she has to leave and Heather has to stay. But Danny and her promise to look after each other and for some reason (aka the Nethersphere healing) he doesn't have to convert Heather. Danny makes Bill promise to look after his love on Earth, Clara.

So Bill leaves alone. River restarts the cycle again and again until she finally gives up. She leaves to help heal the Nethersphere. The Doctor comes back to Earth and helps Bill become a scientist.

Bill searches Clara. They become friends, they move in together. Bill has a full life. Gets to live her dream and continues learning and travelling, often accompanied by River, Nardole, the Doctor and Clara. She dates a few women but neither her or Clara find anyone solid again because their love lives in the great beyond.

(But Clara is so crushing on the three Gods that keep visiting Bill and Bill doesn't know whether she finds it funny or it makes her uncomfortable. No, she knows with Missy it makes her uncomfortable.)

They stay together and when Clara dies of old age, Bill stays behind alone. One night - Bill is very old now - she hears the TARDIS land in her flat. She expects the Doctor to come stumbling out babbling nonsense or River to come and hug her or even to just hear Missy's drawl. But it stays quiet. So she goes and opens the door herself.

Heather is standing at the console, having come to pick her up. She looks exactly like Bill remembers and when she looks up there is recognition in her eyes. She tells Bill that the Nethersphere is a good place now and that she has come to take her home.

(Possibly, she mentions that the TARDIS can not only go to the Nethersphere but anywhere in the world. And then maybe they're taking the long way round.)

The End.

*************

Now, I have a bunch more thoughts on why Bill=Orpheus and Heather=Euridice and especially 12=Persephone is beautiful. And on 12/Missy's relationship and how River fits in there, too. And there are a couple of quotes from both the show and the series I desperately want to include.

I also have some thoughts on why I am not making this about capitalism/climate change (mostly because the Master really, really isn't Hades). That point bothers me a little because it's one of the main things I love about the musical. But I am not trying to be political in my silly little fanfics so it's alright.

Anyway, this is way too long already. Props to you if you read all of that! So, yeah, please feel free to ask further questions or weigh in on this and tell me your opinion! I am still heavily planning and have no idea whether I will write anything (more than I just did 😅).

Also no idea how good or bad or wrong or right this idea is in total. There are definitely things that are still bugging me, but generally this has brought me so much joy during the last days and that's already worth a lot :D Sometimes you just have to go crazy with a concept and then never touch it again 🤷‍♀️ I'll see if that's the case here :)

[secretly-of-course]

*clears throat* Andi Mack Holiday AU Andi Mack Holdiday AU Andi Mack Holiday AU (or if you were already asked about it I'd love to hear about/see a snippet of your Huntlow texting piece or your Andi Mack Miraculous AU)

Hiiii thanks for asking! Gosh I started the Holiday AU quite a while ago and kinda lost steam but I definitely want to revisit it some day! It begins with Andi living in LA having just recently broken up with Walker, and TJ living in Shadyside having recently broken up with Marty (though unlike the movie both breakups were amicable). Andi of course ends up meeting Amber on her trip and TJ ends up meeting Cyrus. Here's a snippet!

At that thought, Andi sat straight up in bed. “I need a vacation!” she shouted to the empty room. She hopped out of bed and reached for her laptop, quickly typing out the url for Jumble. Bex and Bowie had used Jumble for their honeymoon and couldn't stop praising it, now this was the perfect opportunity for Andi to try it herself.

The only problem was, Andi had no idea where she wanted to go. “Universe!” Andi called out as her dad often did, “Where should I go!?”

Andi sat for a minute waiting for a sign. Nothing happened. Not very seren-dope-ity. Andi rolled her eyes as dark walls stared back at her and fetched her coin purse. She figured it would be easiest to go somewhere in the United States so she wouldn't have to renew her passport. She’d simply flip a coin to decide what half of the country to look at and keep narrowing it down from there. Andi reached into the purse and pulled out a quarter, illuminated only by the light of her computer.

“Okay. Heads I go East. Tails I stay West,” she said to herself. But before Andi could flip the coin, the tails side caught her eye. Two trains faced each other in front of a mountain range, along with the words “Crossroads of the West.” It was a 2007 Utah state quarter.

“Utah,” Andi pondered in the dark. “Okay universe,” she said with a growing smile on her face.

…

The sound of TJ’s phone buzzing startled him as he was just falling asleep. He grabbed it annoyance before focusing on what was on his screen.

New notification from Jumble! tjk1996 has a new message from mackandi!

Any annoyance TJ was feeling completely vanished as he read mackandi’s message. A person--a real life person--actually wanted to visit Shadyside. And she was from Los Angeles no less! TJ was practically buzzing with excitement as he and his new match, Andi, chatted.

mackandi: so is shadyside relatively quiet? i'm looking for a relaxing getaway

tjk1996: super quiet! i promise no one will bother you except maybe my sister when she comes to water the plants

tjk1996: and for fun we have a nice park, a movie theater, and a flea market every weekend

tjk1996: oh also the spoon it's the best diner in the whole state

mackandi: sounds perfect!!!

tjk1996: so, when do you want to do this?

There was a pause before Andi's reply came in. TJ held his breath in anticipation.

mackandi: is tomorrow too soon?

I'll answer the other parts below the cut!

.

The Andi Mack miraculous au was an idea I had a while back, I actually did end up posting my design for Andi as Ladybug here! I didn't get as far with Chat Noir TJ though. Just a rough sketch!

Unlike the show, this would NOT be a ladybug x chat noir romance, they're friends! In this AU I would give Cyrus the turtle, Buffy the tiger, Jonah the fox, Amber the snake, and Kira the bee. If there are any love square shenanigans it would be between TJ and Cyrus (TJ likes Cyrus as a civilian. Cyrus likes Chat Noir as a hero. They don't know each other's identities.) I'm not really sure who the villain would be though.

I think I might have posted my huntlow texting sketch before but I don't remember for sure so here it is again and the meme it's based on. The show has taken their relationship a lot further than it was when I started this, so I'm not sure if I will finish it one day or not. I still think they are cute though :)

[flydotnet]

Excess of Care

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.” Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer…”

I guess writing one (1) interaction between Camilla and Hikaru in the early chapters of "Promotion to Parent" has always made me interested in more Camikaru (let's call it that lol) content for the HSAU. I don't even know why that is, I just felt like they'd be interesting to write interacting; and if this fic being there is proving something, it's that my writer hunch wasn't wrong.

This story is set a year after the main timeline, around the same time in the (school) year Promotion to Parent was set in. Since it serves as a bit of an indirect sequel to it, it does contain implied spoilers for it - so if it's ever interested you, please read that one first! It's not too long and also filled with all of the good stuff (read: family angst and lots of sibling love).

It's another short one that I thought I'd be more inspired by, or that would be angstier, but oh well… Brain is slowly stopping to function properly. It's another one of those I'll probs revisit in the future.

---------------------------------------------

Excess of Care

Summary: Camilla Nohr has always cared too much for others; but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Fandom: Crossover (FE Fates/CT), high school/teacher AU

Word Count: 1K words

AO3 version available here.

---------------------------------------------

Camilla has lost count of the number of times she’s been told she cared too much about people she didn’t know anything about. She’s been warned not get attached to students no matter what. She’s been blamed for lacking perspective and thinking with her heart rather than her brain. Mind over matters, duty of detachment, all that jazz that has turned into background noise inside her skull.

And yes, maybe Xander is right when he points out to her it will one day make her miserable, the one day she’ll be powerless yet too involved. But what do you want her to become, then? A heartless machine of an employee? Very little for her, thank you.

Today is proving Xander’s concerns for her habit of “over-caring” right once more, she does suppose. She’s meant to just deliver some papers her brother forgot to give to one of his workmates that couldn’t wait: with the upcoming class council season upon the school, teacher comments and grades have become the latest emergency. He’s himself swamped with comments to write for all of his students – who are a lot more than anyone would expect, to be fair – so she volunteered to deliver something he apparently needed to give to someone as soon as possible. Leo was the one to call her out, this time, but she replied to his concern the same way she always does: with a smile and truthful words.

This someone has turned out to be one of the few workmates he has she knows about, from last year’s Xander-related fiasco. Elise most often calls him by an affectionate nickname used by the entire school, it’d seem, while Leo is always a lot more detached when referring to him, and neither case comes to her surprise. What surprises her more was that she’s already met and spoken with him once before, yet when he opens the door, she’s still a bit starstruck. It’s like meeting her sibling’s idol in an intended context.

Perhaps it’d be closer to meeting someone and realizing they need help, however, because this is exactly what she’s doing.

Camilla has no doubt in her mind that, would’ve it been anyone else but her in this situation, they’d have just called someone close to the person they barely know anything about and left when it was clear it’d be taken care of. This is the sort of things Leo and Xander have warned her not to do, because she cares too much, and it’s not good for her.

On the other hand, this poor boy needed a helping hand, and he clearly is home alone: not only have Xander and Leo both mentioned his fiancée was out of the country for the week, but she also knows from second-hand accounts Elise’s favourite teacher is a chronic workaholic with… questionable self-care. Hinoka and Shun have both corroborated that, although considering Shun’s own lack of routine, she can only guess his judgement came from first-hand experience.

And this is how Camilla is finding herself with her brother’s colleague in his arms. From what she can tell through touch and sight, he’s slightly feverish and very much exhausted, but he should be fine with some rest.

The first order of action, when someone passes out in front of you, is to carry them to a bed. Luckily, she’s always had a lot of strength in her arms to carry her siblings and help Xander out, so it’s not an issue for her to carry the fairly lightweight Hikaru (she isn’t sure if she can call him by his given name, but it sounds like a good compromise between the formal “Mr Matsuyama” Leo uses and the much endeared “Matsu” Elise calls him instead) to his bedroom.

It doesn’t seem like he’s been here for long periods of time lately, with half of the twin bed undone yet the other undisturbed. She quickly takes the time to put it back into shape before tugging her patient in, just making sure he isn’t wearing anything too uncomfortable. To his luck, he was already wearing a very casual combination of old t-shirt and sweatpants. (Come to think of it, this doesn’t match the casual yet strait-laced enough looks Leo usually describes his literature teacher wearing).

With that taken care of, she can proceed to the next stop, which awaits her downstairs. With the supplies in the kitchen and the tools at her disposal, she wipes up a quick get-better package: a steaming mug of camomile tea with a generous spoonful of honey, lightly toasted bread straight from the machine and, of course, a good, tall glass of water.

To her surprise, when she comes back into the bedroom, he’s already awake, and quite confused to see her in his house. It’s… a surprisingly realistic outcome of the situation, she must admit.

“Uhm… What’re you doing here?” He asks, voice hoarse and slightly on the morning side of things.

“My apologies, I must’ve scared you,” she replies without advancing. “My brother sent me to deliver you some papers for work, but almost as soon as you opened the door, you lost consciousness. I brought you back to your bed so you could rest properly.”

“Papers for work… Oh, right, Xander.” His shoulders slump. “You’re Camilla Nohr.”

“It’s indeed me,” she answers with a smile. “Can I come closer?”

“O-oh, yeah, don’t even ask.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry for that, by the way.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For passing out on you.” She puts the trail on his lap. “Oh, you’re too kind, damn, thanks.”

“It’s no problem, don’t stress yourself about it.” She remains standing on the side of the bed. “I was just very concerned, truth be told.”

He drinks the glass of water first. As always, her guess was right on the money.

“I get it, that must’ve been a rough way to get greeted at the door.”

“It’s not just that. You’re just as tired as Xander, but unlike him, you’re all alone.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine.” He clears his throat. “Even though I realize I can’t be very convincing on the matter.”

Her face grows sterner. This is sounding all too familiar to her.

“You’re right, you’re not very convincing.” She uncrosses her arms. “You know… It’s okay just to say you’re not okay. Especially when you’re alone like you are right now.”

“Right,” he replies with a slight smile, as awkward as it is. “You’re right. It’s just, I don’t know who I’d be telling this to.”

“I’m sure you have friends and family willing to listen to it. If you find yourself without someone, then…” She smiles again. “You’ll find my phone number written down on a note on your fridge.”

“That’s a radical way to get me to take care, damn.” He chuckles anyway. “I’m very thankful for that Camilla, I really am. Still, please tell me you’ll go home. I don’t wanna keep you here.”

“As long as you promise to rest, at least until the break comes in.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Although, for now, I think I’ll just take some time to call Xander and tell him I’ve delivered his parcel.”

Hikaru almost jolts in place.

“Shit, the docs, yeah!”

“They’re on the drawer in the hallway.”

“Oh, good. You’re really good at this.”

“Years of experience.”

As she turns on her heel and gets her phone out, Camilla unanimously concludes she can’t care too much about people.

[faceofpoe]

Thanks @b2em-ho!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

been seeing this ask set float around this week and secretly hoping someone would tag me because it's an even 100 and i think that's neat. Though it should be up to 102 within the next few days.

(a handful of those are under a pseud i played with in my Justified days though so I'm not sure it comes up as 100 to anyone else)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

810,125

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Presently having a Hamilton revival, but there's some vague Andor schemes brewing, and it's never far from my mind. Got some MCU kicking around, though I have a very hard time imagining that one making a comeback at this point. Some Justified I periodically long to revisit.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Four of them are from Falcon & the Winter Soldier - Daybreak, Longing, Nine, and Benign coming in at 1, 2, 4, and 5. #3 is a Fantastic Beasts fic called Pick Up and Start Over

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, though I can be forgetful if my brain is stuck in another fic or fandom. But I try to express thanks for kind words, and I fucking love chatting about the nonsense that comes out of my brain.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmm...maybe Freight Car from MCU/FATWS? It's my stubborn attempt to pry closure out of Endgame.

Maybe Remember from Andor/R1 which is Draven POV after Rogue One and paired with Stone & Sky which is Kleya POV and together kind of deal with the burden that is surviving.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'll say Thinking Past Tomorrow from the Hamilton Conway Cabal 'verse. One of the few times I think I've put a 'fluff' tag on a fic. XD

Oh and I'll also shoutout a Justified fic, Lost & Found.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in a long time and not to my recollection on AO3. But I've been posting fanfiction on the interwebs since, uh *checks watch* 2003 or something, so I've certainly seen my fair share.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

*glances awkwardly at current WIP I should be writing instead of doing this*

Ha. I do, however - it's a very certain sort of headspace that doesn't necessarily cycle around often. But once every 12-18 months or so I'll conjure something horribly filthy and then retreat back to my usual habits lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't think I've ever done one?

OH wait edit: it's not exactly a crossover but certain friends who know who they are got me on the Star Trek fusion kick with Hamilton, so it's like. A Starfleet AU? But not with actual Trek characters so I'm not sure I'd call it a crossover exactly.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I have! It's been a while. Back in my old EU star wars days and not on AO3. Generally though my creative process doesn't share well with others.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Ahh... hm. That's a tricky one, I'm not necessarily the most ship-minded person, and I don't tend to latch decisively on to one necessarily, I'm happy to play with different dynamics or write gen fic. I think I tend towards themes more than pairs.

Shout-out to Stucky for the sheer volume of content that helped suck me into the MCU in the months ahead of CA:CW coming out.

Shout-out to Whamilton for those sweet, sweet power dynamics tropes.

Shoutout to Cassian/Luthen for those of my friends here who agree that Cassian should get to fuck that old man, you know who you are.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have been pretty good about not leaving things dangling since moving to AO3 a decade ago. There's one incomplete MCU AU fic that I'll regret but can't really imagine finding the ending for. Lost my rhythm with it and then started second-guessing myself on it and never recovered.

If I had to pick one, it'd be an old EU Star Wars fic that was on FFnet and fizzled out because of both life (moved, had a kid, etc) and Disney imploding the EU.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Plots of some complexity, I think (I hope lol). I liken it to building a puzzle. For Andor, I think The Thing Itself is the best example of this, in which I stubbornly pried every conceivably crumb of detail from the show to build a Sipo/Mimban backstory. For Hamilton, the big fics in Conway Cabal 'verse.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Just like... setting the scene? Description? Having characters that aren't just feature-less figures existing in a void??

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I do it a little with French in Hamilton only because I had enough years in school I'm somewhat confident I'm not making a total fool of myself.

I'll happily invent dialogue/words for made-up Star Wars languages though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Prrrrobably What Comes Next for Hamilton Conway Cabal 'verse. It's a few fics into a series and really tugs at various established characters/conflicts/so on to build the plot.

With a shout-out to Freight Car and Cinders from MCU and Somewhere in Kandahar (abundant content warnings) from Justified.

I wanted to pick an Andor one too but I love them all too much tbh.

tagging! @nessrealta

thanks @bagheerita for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

91 for my SG pseud, 104 total

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

665,899. 276,600 of which were in 2023. lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stargate baby!!! specifically, stargate universe. occasionally also sg1.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

it's all old mortal kombat fic; the top two have 323 and 199 respectively (and the #1 is so successful because the ship got big after the latest MK game; given that I'd essentially made it up at the time of writing, I got lucky lmao). the others are double digit kudos :/

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

ALWAYS, at least for stargate fic. love to talk about the brainrot and make friends

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably this one, an installment of a rush/ba'al AU where ba'al dies for a while there. kind of a way to deal with grief about cliff simon too. hurts sometimes

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't think I have any that are legitimately happy endings and not bittersweet, but probably this one for SGU week, in which the crew actually gets to go home (and rush eventually finally realizes they don't hate him)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yes, frequently. mostly rush/ba'al which is kind of my thing (and it's a trans rush AU, suggested by another nb sgu friend and it lodged in my brain and wouldnt let go). so that's pretty much all I write for the filth side of things now

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

not really. I figure if I'm putting in enough effort to cross something over and fuse the concepts, at that point I may as well write an original story instead (and often do)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no but I'm down to do it!!!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

rush/ba'al, their dynamic is [chefs kiss] and has made me write more this year than possibly EVER before (it kicked off my 2023 writing which is currently at about 418,000 words) so thanks boys

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

destiny ao3 au lmao where the crew all writes fic to pass the time. love it but other fics keep taking priority

16. What are your writing strengths?

DIALOGUE AND BANTER i could let them talk all day long and I usually do.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

generally speaking, anything that's action-driven with no dialogue. I always gotta let them talk. it's embarrassing how much dialogue my nsfw fics have

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I wouldn't tbh

19. First fandom you wrote for?

EVER ever? honestly not sure. current ao3 account? mortal kombat

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

this one's got it all - the SGU crew, goa'uld shenanigans, ba'al and rush being deliciously bitchy, just everything i write about is mixed together in this one lol

tagging @nonbinaryezrabridger @aintgonnatakethis @b2em-ho @galadhir @anomalousrobot @mx-seraph

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

notoriously yours | jay park

✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.

so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?

and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?

✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au

✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)

✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)

✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333

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Jay Park is a rich kid.

Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).

Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.

Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.

Well, his friends beg to differ.

In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.

So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)

Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.

Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.

They're doing anything but studying.

In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.

"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.

"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.

"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.

Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.

Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.

"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."

"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.

Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.

"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.

Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."

Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.

"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."

"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.

"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.

One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.

"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.

Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.

Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.

"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.

"What kind of bet are we talking here?"

Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.

Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.

"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."

Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.

"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.

Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.

And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.

Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.

"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.

Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.

Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".

Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.

He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.

Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.

He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.

Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.

He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.

Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.

Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).

But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?

The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.

But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.

That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?

And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.

At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.

Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.

He might as well pay someone to date him.

There's no harm in that, is there?

He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.

He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.

And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.

Simple as that.

Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.

And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.

You love your friends, you do.

Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.

But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.

But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.

"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."

You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.

You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.

You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.

You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.

Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.

And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.

So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.

And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.

For the most part.

Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.

"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.

"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.

Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.

She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."

You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.

Been there, done that.

College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.

Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.

Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.

It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.

Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.

Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.

Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.

You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:

"Fake date me."

You blink up at him.

Yeah, definitely not expected.

But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.

"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.

You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.

And he's smiling right at you.

Curse him and his smile.

But no, you're not giving into it.

Not yet, at least.

"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.

"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.

"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.

In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."

Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"

This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.

"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.

You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!

The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.

"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.

"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"

"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."

"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"

"--desperate? Yeah."

"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"

"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.

"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.

"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.

Jay hates that you're right.

You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.

You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.

Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.

"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."

Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.

Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.

Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.

"Wait, Y/N!"

You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.

He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."

You nearly stop breathing.

Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.

And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.

The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.

Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.

Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.

But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.

First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.

Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).

Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.

All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).

And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.

"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.

The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.

You sigh, then nod.

"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."

The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.

You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.

Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.

Great.

You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.

"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?

"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."

Bingo.

"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.

But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.

Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.

"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.

"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"

Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."

"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.

Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.

Cute.

"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.

You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!

"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.

"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.

How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.

"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."

"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."

Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.

"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.

"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."

You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.

"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.

"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."

If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.

"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.

Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."

Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.

"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."

It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.

You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.

Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.

"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.

"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.

"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.

And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.

As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.

And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.

The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.

The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.

And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.

"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.

The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:

~ ~ ~

"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.

"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.

You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.

You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."

He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."

"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.

Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."

"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.

"3,2,1."

"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.

"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.

"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.

"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.

"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.

"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.

"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.

"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.

When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.

Obviously.

~ ~ ~

"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)

What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.

"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.

Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."

Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."

Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.

He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.

"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."

Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."

Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.

Jake suddenly gasps in realization.

"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.

Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:

"Jay, are you in? It's me!"

Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.

But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--

"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.

Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.

"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.

"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.

Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.

"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."

"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.

Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.

Weird.

"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.

Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"

"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.

"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"

"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."

Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.

Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.

"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.

"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.

Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."

Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.

"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.

"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.

"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:

~ ~ ~

You're late.

This never happens.

But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.

You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.

Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.

You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.

"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.

"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.

"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.

"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.

Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.

Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.

The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.

"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.

Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.

Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.

"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.

"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.

And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.

And the next.

~ ~ ~

"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.

Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.

You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.

"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.

If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.

Weird.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.

Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"

You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.

He wonders why.

When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).

Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.

"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.

Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."

You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.

"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.

"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.

"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.

The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.

"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.

You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.

"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."

You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.

You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.

"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.

His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.

"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.

"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.

Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.

The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.

"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.

"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.

You stare back at him in silence. Oh.

Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:

"Huh?"

Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?

You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.

"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.

Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.

You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.

"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.

"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.

Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.

As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.

"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."

Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.

"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.

"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.

"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.

"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.

"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.

You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"

"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.

You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.

Your heart beats faster at the view.

You wonder why.

It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.

You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.

It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).

It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.

Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N

Jay [3:09AM]: hi

Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn

Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so

Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up

Jay [3:11AM]: come outside

Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am

Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew

Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice

Jay [3:15AM]: :)

You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.

You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?

(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)

And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.

The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.

"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.

The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.

But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.

"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."

"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.

A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?

"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.

"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.

"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."

Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"

You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."

Oh. Awkward.

You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.

"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.

You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.

You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.

"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.

"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.

You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.

"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"

You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.

But you knew where he was coming from.

You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.

"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.

He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.

You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."

Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.

Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.

Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.

"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."

His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.

The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.

Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.

You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.

But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.

You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.

"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.

"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.

Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.

That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.

That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.

When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.

Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.

Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.

In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.

"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.

"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.

Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."

There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.

"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.

The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.

"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.

"Huh? Calling what off?"

"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."

But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.

Something he's scared he's already lost.

You.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.

Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.

Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.

Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.

And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.

"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.

"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.

"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.

Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:

"He called it off. It's over. The bet."

"Oh."

Silence.

Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.

"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."

Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?

Fuck it.

"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.

You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.

"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"

"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."

Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?

"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.

"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.

Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."

"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.

Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."

"Mm, and what's that?"

And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.

His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.

The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.

You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.

Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.

Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.

Jay drives you to class that day.

And everyday after that.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :

✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3

[sitp-recs]

Hidden Gems by @vukovich

I was rereading holemate the other day and it occurred to me that one could consider Vuk’s works an “acquired taste” - in the literal sense of an “appreciation for something unlikely to be enjoyed by a person who’s not had substantial exposure to it”, in other words the more we get, the more we’ll want 😔🙌 Vuk’s works are bold and fresh, engaging, intriguing and with such a distinct feel - it lures me enough to go check anything they decide to write, and I love the thrill of never knowing what to expect when I’m starting a new fic.

It’s not every day you find an author in whom you’re willing to trust to take you out of your comfort zone, and I do it consciously, knowing I’m gonna thank them for the experience no matter how the journey goes. Vuk’s writing is sexy, confident, unapologetic. I love the grasp they have of the characters, and that precise understanding of where they want to go with a story. Their Draco and Harry are deeply flawed, complex and adventurous - what’s not to love? They feel very human and I love that for them and for us! Whenever I’m looking for something outside the box, clever and full of personality but also edgy, hilarious, fucked up, devastating or haunting, I know where to go. I listed below my faves that I revisit often and I think they’re a great showcase of Vuk’s genius and range. Vuk also has a fabulous collection of short stories for peculiar prompts that you can find here. Go ahead and feast!

Manna (2021, E, 814 words) - brilliant sexy short feat. public sex, this got me at the edge of my seat!

Harry developed a taste for hiding in the Slytherin train car. And maybe for getting caught.

"I'll Figure It Out." (2021, E, 2.6k) - brilliant idea perfectly executed with hot af & hung lawyer!Draco putting Harry’s mouth to good use. One of my favorite PWPs 🔥

For the prompt: "Don't let your mouth get you into something that your ass can't handle." Harry's mouth repeatedly gets him into situations his arse can't handle. Then, he finds himself in a situation his arse can handle better than his mouth.

Epitaphs in Autographs (2021, E, 7k) - deliciously angsty and devastating, only Vuk would lure me with tags I usually make sure to avoid. Prepare the tissues. Cw: MCD, infidelity, implied domestic violence, sad ending

A series of works surrounding death, imperfect relationships, flawed coping, and humanity. Also a firing range of writing style.

Harry Potter: DILF Hunter (2021, E, 11k) - hilarious Himbo Harry shenanigans, this will make you laugh non-stop, major kudos to Luna & Neville (they’re both so great!) and that hot hot ending with dilf Draco and dad Harry finally doing the dirty together 😌

Auror Potter doesn't know what a DILF is, but if Malfoy's one, then Harry's gonna be the Ministry's best DILF Hunter ever! Or, five times Harry heard Draco was a DILF, and one time he found it to be pleasantly true.

holemate (2021, E, 19k) - it’s about the yearning!!!! Devastating soulmate AU with Draco whump and oblivious Harry, we love to see it! Smut & angst as per, but don’t worry it’s a happy ending :) Cw for recreational drug use, wasting condition and some police brutality

Most people never get a soulmate. Harry has buried three. When the mark appears again, this time alongside an American Auror, perhaps a diversion can keep everyone alive. A diversion that looks a whole lot like a chaotic, fuckable Malfoy.

The Foxing Ring (2021, E, 24k) - my first Vuk fic is probably the fluffiest story she’s ever written and one of my all-time faves. Playful and clever, with an unusual plot, witty humor, and unexpected fur kink! Love the squib Harry + powerful Draco combo, they’re a perfect match and white fox Draco is everything we need in life 🙌

What. The. Fluff.* Harry's got no magic, one good ear, no great dating prospects, and a nice little wand workshop. Draco's got too much magic, a history of biting off ears, no great dating prospects, and a growing fondness for wandmakers. And a very fetching tail. Read my rec here and check perfect fox Draco art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm here.

Fearful Trill (2021, E, 29k) - the most romantic dark fic you’ll find! An intriguing and brilliant angst with a happy ending with unredeemed prisoner Draco, inexperienced Head Auror Harry, BAMF Hermione public sex, lots of angst and smut. Cw: terminal illness (cancer)

Harry should have come out and met someone when he was younger. He should have seen a doctor about the pain in his hip while youth was still on his side. Now, he's made his peace with dying young, but maybe not with dying alone. Draco should have got the Kiss. He should have died in Azkaban decades ago. Instead, guards throw him in a Ministry lift with a dying man who could stand to live a little.

[starlightxsvt]

Pink Dress 4 || Joshua Hong au

Pairing: badboy!Joshua x female reader

Genre: slice of life, slight angst, some crack

Warnings: some cursing

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

"So you're the one who splashed water on Joshua yesterday." Someone speaks from beside you and you look around to see Jeonghan. You are standing in front of the counter of the cafe near your college after class and you didn't really except to meet any of Joshua's friends there.

"Ah, yes..." You whisper at the horrible memory and look behind Jeonghan to see Joshua with Seungcheol taking a seat.

Oh shit.

"Joshua never really introduced us to each other so let me do that. Hi, I'm Jeonghan." He holds out his hand. You shake it and mumble, "I'm Y/n." He gives you a smile right before your order arrives and you excuse yourself from him in a hurry.

"Your dear ex and his friends are here," Seokmin says as you put down the tray of drinks in front of him and take a seat.

"So?"

"No, I'm just saying."

"Thank you for helping me with such a valuable information, Min." You roll your eyes. He chuckles before looking past you, towards where Joshua is sitting, "He's staring holes into your back. Oh shit- he's looking at me. I think I'm gonna pee my pants. He looks like he wants to rip off my throat." Seokmin whispers.

"Then stop looking at him, dummy." You knee him under the table. "Maybe we should get out of here," he says picking up his drink.

"Geez, you're such a pussy." You sip your drink, laughing at his actions. He really knows how to overreact.

"What are you gonna do if he pours a drink over you now as revenge? What if it's hot?" He whispers.

"Well, um, he won't," you say and mutter, "At least I hope so."

"Don't expect me to save your ass. I'll just run."

"Yeah I know, that's what I expect of you," you roll your eyes.

"Oh shit- he's walking towards us. Shit, you're dead Y/n," Seokmin hisses before abruptly standing up.

"Wait, no- you asshole, come back-" Seokmin rushes towards the bathroom before you can finish.

"Y/n," a soft and calm voice says from behind you and you swallow, half expecting a drink to be poured on your head. You turn around quietly and meet Joshua's eyes who stands there hands in his pockets.

"Can we...speak for a while?"

Oh shit. You rack your brain to come up with an excuse, " Right now? Um, uh, I'm a bit busy... as you can see." You point to the books on the table in front of you.

Joshua presses his lips together in rather displease before replying, "Then I'm sure you can spare me some time tomorrow."

"Uh, y-yea, I guess."

"Cool. I'll wait for you in front of the library tomorrow after class." He says and turns around moving back to his seat, leaving as quickly as he appeared.

You finally release your breath and Seokmin reappears from the restroom. "What did he say? Did he threaten you?"

"He said to kick you in your balls, you loser." You grit your teeth.

-

As he promised, you find Joshua standing in front of the library next day. You take in a deep breath before walking up to him. He doesn't offer you any smile when he sees you. You realise that his playful and flirty nature seemed to have vanished for some reason.

"Hey," you smile awkwardly. He nods in reply, "Why don't we go to the back? It's more quiet there." You swallow and jerk your head yes.

You both walk behind to the library in silence, your steps in sync. He takes a seat on the stairs located at the back entrance of the library and you follow him.

"Are you dating Seokmin?"

Seriously?

You exhale a frustrated sigh, "Did you seriously call me here to talk about that?"

He sighs, "Right. Yeah...I'm sorry, it's none of my business."

"Yes, it isn't Joshua."

Joshua looks at you for a beat, his eyes sad. " I...I wanted to apologize," he whispers, looking down to the ground. "For...the thing I said about Seokmin. I was being an asshole."

You sigh, offering him nothing but silence.

"Also...for running away that day. I was a coward."

"Forget it, it's in the past," you murmur not really wanting to revisit that day.

"I can't," Joshua speaks, his voice hoarse. "You are someone special to me. At least you were. You...make me feel things I've never felt before and I'm scared of that."

You swallow. What is that supposed to mean?

You peek a glance at him to see his face scrunched up in worry, lost in thoughts.

"I-I just...it's really hard...for me-"

"It's okay Joshua, you don't have to talk about it. I understand very well that you don't want a serious relationship and I'm not forcing you to. So don't feel pressured."

"No, I just...I want to apologize-"

"And you did. It's in the past, let's move on." You offer him a soft smile. "Besides I'm sorry too...for throwing water at you,"you smile sheepishly and he smiles softly.

Joshua exhales a deep breath, hands running through his hair. "And...can you not avoid me like plague? I get that we're not together anymore but let's not act like strangers. You can...you know, say hi to me when we meet." He says softly.

"Oh, yea, uhm..sorry about that."

"No it's okay, I understand. I made the situation awkward for us." He smiles sadly.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket and you see it's Seokmin when when you pull out your phone.

Oh shit. You had to go pick up some books in the library with him which you totally forgot about.

"I...I'm sorry but need to get going." You say to Joshua, standing up. A small frown appears on his forehead but he replies, "I see. Okay, I'll...see you around I guess."

"Yea, see you." You reply, quickly walking away to pick up Seokmin's call.

-

"So he didn't threaten to pick your eyeballs out or drown you in the sea, just apologized?" Seokmin asks as both of you walk home from the library. You roll your eyes, "No, he didn't threaten me but he did threaten you."

"Haha very funny. I'm not scared of him."

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." You laugh and he joins you, slightly nudging you with his elbow.

"He seemed different, you know. He looked sad," you whisper. He replies, "Looks like he regrets letting you go."

"Haha."

"I'm serious. I'm pretty sure he likes you, Y/n." Seokmin says, his face serious.

"Yea, whatever...let's just drop the topic," you sigh.

"Don't beat yourself up. Maybe give him some time. If he really, truly feels for you, he's gonna come back, okay? And then you get to make your decision."

"Gee, are you a love expert or what?"

"Oh yes, I am."

"Really? Then why are you single?"

"Coaches don't play, you know."

"Wow, you sound so smart for a dummy."

"Come here so I can whoop your ass you crybaby." Seokmin chases after you as a fit of giggles escape from both of you and the night starts to grow darker and the wind warmer.

Summer is almost here.

A/N: sooo, it'll take me a while to upload the next chapter since it'll probably be the last one~ thank you everyone for liking this series and waiting patiently, it really makes me happy. As always feedbacks are highly appreciated! 💖