#but whenever i think of it i just associate it with being a really strange and confounding song
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titsthedamnseason · 6 months ago
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i’m being so serious i hope no one there sees this and gets offended because this is just personal taste but if this was my show i would be so devastated i fear….theres like FOUR taylor songs that i genuinely don’t like / always skip and she played TWO of them….and then the other two are just incredibly mid / lower tier on my rankings. its so hard to find taylor songs that i don’t really like and the fact that she somehow played FOUR of them on the same night is SOOOOOO astounding to me. no hate i just genuinely am surprised and confused by this turn of events
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chatonarya · 1 month ago
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I think there's really not enough content depicting Karlan Trio as three weirdos who vibe with each other's weirdness. Especially and including Enciodes.
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Beneath his perfect social facade, Enciodes is extra and kinda strange. He thinks it's funny to dress up as a pirate on his off-time to go to the beach. He regularly gambled his allowance away as a kid. He got sold to kidnappers as a child by Gnosis and ends the day promising Gnosis a future. He comments on the taste of the food he's being fed while he's captive and says he felt safer tied up when Gnosis cuts him free. He thought it would be a swell idea to empty his bank account to save Degenbrecher while barely knowing anything about her personality. He decided to try to make a Viscount owe him a favor by trying to position himself as a savior and cat's paw while also being "that guy's son from that backwater country." He decides to just enlist with RI as an operator like "Hiii, did you miss me? <3"
He tends to do non-business-related things in an over-the-top way, because he's apparently Just Like That.
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Then we have Gnosis and Degenbrecher. Canonically, they're both outcasts from their respective homes even if for different reasons. They're both people who have internalized the pain of being ostracized and made it into strength, refusing to allow public opinion to affect them. This is common ground for them and I believe it forms part of their friendship and why they always have each other's backs even if they mess with each other. But on a personal basis...
Yep, they're kinda weird too. There's the fact that homeless orphan Degenbrecher says Gnosis has "lousy taste" when it comes to food. What does that even mean? Is he an omnivore crane who'll eat anything in front of him? Does he like spicy food (fun fact, birds don't have capsaicin receptors)? Does he like the most hardcore weird traditional Kjerag food? Does Enciodes always have to pick the restaurant when it's his turn? How bad must his taste be for Degenbrecher of all people to say it's "lousy"? He has a penchant for blowing things up and setting things and people on fire whenever he can, apparently just because he can because why be subtle when you can be over-the-top? He's a consummate actor yet can't be bothered with pleasantries. He has an intimate knowledge of etiquette yet chooses to be rude. He's a scientist and engineer yet forges weapons because it's the family tradition.
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Degenbrecher? Almost goes without saying. She likes to fight avalanches because survival is fun. Enciodes got her to come along to Kjerag partly by telling her she might be able to 1v1 God and she says so to God's face. She's the strongest person in the country but knows animal midwifery and does farmwork. She's an honorary member of the Kjerag fishing association. She has a great time roleplaying a witch because acting as the final boss means everyone will come at her and spends a long time trying to figure out how she can fit the hat on her head because she's that into it. She grins like a maniac when she gets the chance to destroy the trap house walls; she probably gets a kick out of wanton destruction just as much as Gnosis does. She goes on a Looney Tunes Chase after Trilby Asher with a single-minded intensity without a second thought. She has a cell phone but almost never uses it because she hates being contacted.
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I would just love to see more content that shows them just being a bunch of total freaks with each other while vibing harmoniously all the while. Let me see Degenbrecher helping Gnosis blast new mineshafts because explosions and debris are fun. Let me see Degenbrecher throwing the boys over her shoulders like potato sacks to escape some building that's on fire because Enciodes was a cat who knocked something over for the fun of it. Let me see them trading parts of their meals. Let me see them going on vacation together and accidentally causing a minor incident just by being themselves.
Let me see them just doing stupid fun stuff together like the besties that they are.
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simplynims · 8 days ago
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David Shaw Headcanons
Some David headcanons I wanted to share alongside a few minor Angel ones, enjoy!
Davids dad used to bake Davids favorite cake for his birthdays when he was still alive. After his death it's hard for David to enjoy his birthday because it reminds him of the loss. When David and Angel got together, Angel despite being god awful at baking or cooking in general, still went out of their way to make him a cake for his birthday. The cake was borderline inedible but the whole gesture was something that David really appreciated.
Definitely a personal headcanon of how he looks like but I see him with more longer thicker hair, his dad had similar hair while his mom in the photos and videos he has of her has shorter hair. If he were to ever cut his hair shorter, I'm sure he'd definitely look more like his mom.
I can see him having a personal journal to write in, especially around the time his dad passed. He wasn't able to grieve properly due to his position as being the new alpha so he turned to writing his thoughts down instead. It was easier with a private journal and in a way it helped ground him enough to get through the week. David doesn't write much in his journals nowadays due to finally being able to properly grieve and Angel being a major part of his support system. But, he does occasionally look back on those journal entries to see how far he's truly come.
David is very much a well groomed person and takes care of his hair very well. Conditions that motherfucker almost every day and shampoos it every 3-4 days thoroughly. It's just part of his routine that he sticks to.
Really doesn't like energy drinks in general but absolutely is a coffee addict.
Has matching Minecraft skins on Minecraft with Angel whenever they play together.
Angel managed to convince him to watch a few Aphmau videos with them specifically the Pheonix Drop series and he lowkey was invested in Garroth as a character. Angel teased David that he was like Aaron in the series and now David doesn't like him anymore. (He doesn't hate Aaron, it's definitely more lighthearted than he lets on but he'd rather let Asher cook dinner any day than admit that to Angel.)
David is strangely really good at tic tac toe, he always manages to win and believe me when I say his friends have TRIED to beat him at the game with little to no success.
Makes it a point to try and cook with Angel at least once per week, quality time is apart of his love language and he treasures every moment with them.
David usually keeps his hair up in a ponytail but has let Angel stylize it before when they're just relaxing.
During the Quinn situation, David was definitely on high alert with the safety of his mate. He knows Quinn isn't stupid enough to try but knowing Angel could've gotten hurt like Darlin's friend who got attacked just by associating with them shook him to his core. I don't think he'd ever forgive himself if something did happen to them and he wasn't there to protect them.
Davids dad was a really good cook and made a lot of his own recipes, he always wrote them down on note cards which David has saved and kept safe in a tiny wooden box in the kitchen. When David misses his dad, especially around the anniversary of his death, he gets out one of those recipes and cooks it. It's nostalgic for him and eases some of that grief that still lingers.
David really hates the cold so when winter hits, Angel is his personal space heater throughout those frosty months. Though, he does like spooking Angel a lil bit with how cold his hands can get. He put his hands under their shirt one time when his hands were particularly cold and they nearly jumped.
Angel gives David playful love bites and David loves recieving and giving them.
David has trained his body to wake up 10 minutes before his actual alarm goes off in the morning so he can cuddle Angel longer.
Dark chocolate is his favorite, it's not too sweet and has more health benefits compared to regular chocolate.
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ronearoundblindly · 2 months ago
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Which of the guys would be open to participate in a self care/spa day with you? 🛁🫧💅
This one I separated into categories for who genuinely enjoys, stands it for you, or only allows it when a daughter wants to play (and no, that's not with you, but 'he' just needs worn way down to allow it). No warnings but I bet you'll find some surprises...
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Truly Finds Joy In Self-Care
Ransom Drysdale, Johnny Storm, Jake Jensen, and Lloyd Hansen
I think we all know that Ransom and Lloyd are preening, pretty bois, so this should come as no surprise to anyone. Ransom is more private with his beauty regimen, but he's not above paying good money to visit a fancy spa. Lloyd has entirely too much fun showing off how callus/indifferent he is by, ya know, ordering people's death by phone while a clay mask detoxes his pores, etc. He is also heavily critical of what products he will use again (i.e. if grittiness stuck in his mustache or if an exfoliant irritated his fresh shave).
Johnny and Jake are playful about it; Jake likes the process of relaxing more than Johnny. Jake nerds out on the chemical properties of ingredients. Johnny teases you about the frou-frou-ness of it all the whole time, HOWEVER, he is also the one who enjoys a foot massage more than any other character. Falls asleep within two damn minutes. It's bizarre and sort of endearing.
Would Do It To Please You
James Mace, Curtis Everett, and Steve Rogers
Curtis can make do with a bar of soap and a hot bath; that's really the pinnacle of indulgent care to him, but he knows you love the various face masks and lotions. He is highly amused by cucumber slices on his eyes but hates cucumber water (any infusion really, just drink some juice ffs). La Croix is better used to get blood out of this clothes than to drink. He thinks it's nasty.
Like Jake, Mace will dissect what ingredients will actually be beneficial and which products are just snake oil. He takes pride in helping you choose the best things to use or spend your time on. Mace is, unfortunately, the most practical man, and he will flat out refuse to indulge you if he has something else he needs to focus on.
Steve is a bit strange about this one. He love, love, loves for you to pamper yourself, but he will participate very reluctantly. He grew up being fawned over like a delicate doll, received treatment after treatment--often to no effect,--and even resorted to some of those far-fetched, home remedies for various ailments. Yes, his mom was a nurse and a woman of science. Yes, he did follow doctors' advice whenever they offered a useful solution. But also, yes, he was so sick with so many things for so long that he tried everything.
Steve associates a lot of self-care 'treatments' with being ill...which he is not...not anymore. Please, do not get him started on essential oils. You think he lectures as Cap? Hoo boy...
Begrudgingly Is A Daughter's Palette
Jimmy Dobyne, Ari Levinson, and Bucky Barnes
For Jimmy, there's just some stuff you do for your kids simply because they're your kids, and playing with makeup or face mask, nail polish or hair clips, and even every product around the rim of the tub is one of those things.
Ari and Bucky get roped into plaiting practice since they have some length of hair to braid, but these two do not sit still well. They each find sneaky ways to let their girls enjoy spa stuff while they do not have to. Your daughter can get a little manicure while he gets a haircut or shave. That's about the extent of their 'enjoyment.'
As for why they won't participate with you specifically? Jimmy, Ari, and Bucky all consider spa/self-care to be a thing you should do with your girl friends (or your daughters, hint hint). These three place a heavy value on you keeping up those fun relationships with others. They also know that when the ladies do a spa day, the men folk are free to meet up for something else, like sports or drinking or both.
Thank you for asking!
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[Main Masterlist; 'Who Would' Ask List; Ko-Fi]
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cozage · 1 year ago
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I hope you enjoy the beach and Legend of Zelda. Can I request a Koby x reader who is Garp’s granddaughter (same age as Koby) who wants to be a marine but Garp is overprotective and won’t let her. She and Koby train together and become friends then boyfriend/girlfriend. In the end, she is allowed to join and Garp is a proud grandfather. Just way too much fluff. Please and thank you. 😊
Hiiii! I really did enjoy both so much, thank you :) I’m happy to be writing again though! A break was much needed but I have missed it. 
Characters: female reader x Koby Word Count: 2.3k
To Be a Marine
“You wanted Luffy and Ace to be in the Navy!” you yelled. “Why can’t I?!”
“I already told you!” your grandfather yelled back. “A woman being a marine is much different than a man being a marine!”
“Sexist old man,” you grumbled under your breath. “Ace was right about you.”
“What did you say!?!”
A knock at the door saved you, and two young men entered your grandfather’s office. 
“Ah, my new recruits!” he cheered. 
“You’re joking,” you said, looking at them. “You’ll take them but reject me?”
“Garp-san.” The pink-haired boy bowed to your grandfather. “It would be an honor to train under you.”
“Koby! Helmeppo! Are you ready to go through hell?!”
They both stood and saluted. “Yes sir!”
You scoffed and stormed out the door. 
You saw the two recruits around the base often, but neither of them talked to you much. You were just a civilian on a Marine base, and you held much less stature than even the lowliest of Marines. 
After about a week of ignoring each other, something changed. Koby walked into the room, looking around. You glanced up to see him enter, but returned to your book quickly.
“Your Garp-san’s granddaughter, right?” he asked, startling you. You hadn’t expected him to speak to you. 
“Unfortunately,” you grumbled.
“What do you mean!?” he demanded. “I bet he’s a great grandfather!”
You scoffed. “He won’t let me be a Marine, but he won’t let me be a pirate like my brothers. He just keeps me locked up on this base. Great grandfather he is.”
Koby’s eyes widened. “You’re Luffy’s sister?!”
“Mmmhmm,” you nodded. “I don’t want to be a pirate though. I want to be a Marine.”
Koby laughed. “Yeah, you’re way different than Luffy! All that talk about King of the Pirates-”
“He’ll do it.”
Koby paused, looking at you. “But if you’re a Marine, won’t you have to stop him from achieving his dream?”
You shrugged. “If it comes down to it, I suppose so. But that’s a nonstarter, because I can’t even join.”
Koby hummed for a moment, thinking. 
“Oh!” he finally exclaimed. “What if you get stronger?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s train! I can teach you what Garp-san is teaching me!” he offered. “And then he has no reason to say no!”
You laughed dryly. “I’m sure he’ll find a reason.”
“You have to fight for your dream!” Koby encouraged. “You have to do everything you can possibly do to make it a reality.”
“You sound like Luffy,” you groaned. “But fine. Teach me. I promise I’ll do my best.”
You could beat him in a fight. You had been able to from the very first day. Growing up with three brothers, you knew how to fight scrappy and dirty. But that kind of fighting didn’t really work in the Navy, and Koby helped you create your own fight style that was mixed between your past and your future. 
For weeks you spent the evenings with Koby, learning about haki and how to use it in an observational and armament sense. You refined your battle abilities, and worked to strengthen your weaknesses. The two of you didn’t associate outside of your normal training, but you still felt a strange tingling sensation whenever his hands touched your skin to correct your form. 
He was handsome, you couldn’t deny that. Even after hours of training when he was drenched in sweat and ready to collapse, you still found yourself admiring his physique. 
“Do you want to go get ice cream?” Koby asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead. “You certainly earned it.”
You looked at him curiously. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t have to correct your form once today,” he said. “You did good.”
You blushed, pleased to be complimented by him after such hard work. “Thanks,” you muttered. 
“So, ice cream?” Koby grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, starting for the door. 
You shrugged, trying to play it casual. “Sure.”
You walked side by side down the street towards the ice cream shop. Neither of you said much during your journey. You still weren’t entirely sure why Koby was helping you. He didn’t really have anything to gain from helping you, and it’s not like you all were friends beforehand. You almost asked him, but he turned into the ice cream shop, and you lost your courage. 
“Whatever she wants and two scoops of butterscotch in a waffle cone, please,” he asked, handing money to the cashier. 
“Butterscotch?” you asked, a smirk appearing on your face. “You sound like my grandpa.”
“Don’t knock it till you try it!” he said, grabbing his ice cream. “They have the best butterscotch you’ll ever taste.”
You frowned, looking at his cone. “I’ll just do a double-double chocolate in a waffle cone.”
You grabbed your order and the two of you strolled outside and down the sidewalk, still silent. 
“Wanna try it?” he asked, holding out his cone to you. 
Your face scrunched in disapproval, and you shook your head.  
“Come on,” Koby goaded, waving the ice cream in front of your face. 
You had to admit, just the smell was enticing. You grabbed the cone and took a lick. Koby was right, it was probably some of the best ice cream you had tried. It tasted different from the candy your grandfather used to hand you as a child; this was much creamier and lighter, with hints of vanilla and sea salt. 
“Delicious, right?” Koby asked, watching your face light up. “I told you!”
“It puts my double-double chocolate to shame,” you laughed. “I regret not getting that now.”
“We’ll come back,” Koby promised. 
And Koby kept his promise. The days grew hotter, and your trips to the ice cream shop became more frequent. You fell into a pleasant pattern of studying in the mornings, training in the afternoons, and going off on some kind of adventure with Koby in the evenings. Sometimes it was an ice cream shop visit, but he also liked to plan other activities like hikes, picnics, and walks on the beach. 
He taught you how to use and hone your haki abilities, and he held you when you cried out of frustration of failure. He bought your ice cream and held your hand when you walked around town. He picked flowers for you and spent every moment he wasn’t on duty with you. 
You never stopped to consider that friends don’t typically treat friends like the way Koby treated you. It was Koby, after all. The only person you really felt safe with besides your brothers. He was always reliable and he was always there. 
You realized he was more than a friend when you stood alone in the courtyard, waiting for him to show up. Sometimes he was a few minutes late, but it had been almost an hour, and he still hadn’t shown up. If he ever had to cancel, he always sent someone. But it had been radio silence. 
After two hours you finally left the courtyard, trying not to cry. As you entered your grandfather’s apartment, you saw Koby sitting on the couch across from your grandfather. His eyes found yours, and you could see the devastation in his eyes. 
“Y/N.” He stood, reaching out to you. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I-”
“Koby.” Your grandfather's voice was curt and authoritative, and Koby cut his eyes from you and sat back down on the couch. 
You opened your mouth to speak up for Koby, but your grandfather cut you off before you had a chance to get a word out. 
“Do you want to tell me why I had one of my subordinates inform me of your relationship?” he growled at the two of you. 
You felt your cheeks flush. You had just come to the realization that you had feelings for the man sitting on the couch. You weren’t sure how news traveled so fast when you hadn’t even told Koby yet, but your grandfather had to be the first to find out. 
“Me and Koby aren’t in a relationship,” you said.
Koby squinted his eyes at you from across the room. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. 
Your grandfather laughed a hearty laugh at your response. “Denial isn’t gonna work, kid. Koby already told me.”
“Told you what?” you asked. Your head whipped to Koby with fear in your eyes. “You didn’t tell him about-”
“No!” Koby rushed to say, looking at you. He gave Garp a quick side glance. “I mean, yes! I told him about how we’re dating and that’s why we’ve been spending so much time together.”
You could feel your grandfather’s watchful eyes on you. He knew you were hiding something, but he couldn’t quite tell what it was about. 
Koby walked over and grabbed your hand. It was something he had done hundreds of times before, but now it gave you butterflies. He gave you a reassuring squeeze and a small smile before turning back to your grandfather. 
“We didn’t tell you because we were afraid of the predicament it would put you in, Garp-san.” Koby lied. “We apologize.”
“You know you could get kicked out of the Navy for hiding a relationship with an on-base civilian, Koby,” Garp said, looking at him. “You sure this is the story you want to go with?”
“Yes,” Koby said confidently. 
You stared at him. This isn’t how you wanted it to go down. You couldn’t ask him to give up his dream just so you could have yours. 
“No,” you said, looking at your grandfather. “He’s lying.”
“Stop,” Koby hissed. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not!”
“Quiet!” Garp yelled, silencing you both and cutting off your argument. “Tell me, Y/N. What have you been doing with Koby all this time then?”
You swallowed, mustering up the courage to finally ask- no, demand a place in the Navy. 
“We’ve been training,” you said. You could feel Koby squeezing your hand to get you to stop, but you refused to back down from this fight. “He’s helping me become a Marine.”
Your grandfather stared at you for a few moments, and then burst out into his booming, room-filling laugh. He laughed for a long time, and when he finally settled down, he wiped tears from his eyes and looked at you. 
“A Marine, huh?” he asked.
You took a breath, deciding how to respond. As you were thinking, you sensed it. You jumped back, pulling Koby with you. The two of you got out of the way just before your grandfather’s fist slammed into the ground, creating light cracks in the floor from the source of impact. 
“Grandpa!” you screamed. You looked in horror at the ground, but your grandfather only began laughing again. 
“You taught her haki, I see,” he said, looking at Koby. 
“Yes sir,” Koby said. “She’s a fast learner.”
“I bet she is.” Your grandfather looked at you and gave you a sad smile. He put his hand on top of your head, ruffling your hair. 
“Alright. You can be a Marine.”
Your eyes widened and a smile spread across your face. “Really?!”
“Just answer one thing,” he said. 
“Anything!” you cried. 
“Do you really just see Koby here as your trainer?” he asked, looking back and forth between the two of you.
“I-'' you paused, exchanging glances with the boy whose hand you were still holding. Suddenly you felt dizzy and very aware of how clammy your hand was in his. 
“You too, Koby,” your grandfather said, walking out the door. “Is she just some girl you trained?”
The door slammed shut, and you two stared at each other in silence. 
“No,” Koby whispered. “No, you-I-We could-”
You smiled at him. You wanted to say something too, but you knew you’d be stammering as much as him. 
So instead you changed the subject. “Should we go get ice cream?”
Koby’s eyes glanced down at your lips, and then back up to your eyes. 
“Ice cream sounds good,” he said softly, looking a little disappointed. 
“Okay.” You gave his hand a squeeze, settling for an ice cream date instead of a confession. Words didn’t matter that much in the big picture. 
You all walked to the ice cream shop, hand in hand. Your hands still felt clammy, but the air felt lighter. You were going to be a Marine. You had Koby by your side. 
The cashier saw you two, and had your two scoops of butterscotch ice cream in waffle cones before you even stepped up to the register. 
Neither of you said much on your walk back. You talked a bit about what life would be like once you were officially in the Marines, but you already knew it all. Koby had spent the past few months answering all of your questions to help keep you motivated. 
You arrived at your apartment door, and you finally pulled your hand away from his. 
“See you tomorrow?” you asked, opening the door to your apartment. 
“See you tomorrow,” he promised, giving you a tense smile. 
You nodded and walked inside, closing the door behind you. 
It was only a moment later when there was a knock at the door. Thinking Koby must’ve forgotten something, you turned and opened it again. 
“Ye-” Koby cut off your question with his lips, lunging forward to meet your own.  
His lips smashed into yours, and you embraced every second of it. You hung there suspended in time, the two of you existing in the moment. Funnily enough, only one thought came to mind: Butterscotch tasted even better on his lips than on ice cream.
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entertext · 3 months ago
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HGSN 29-2
Chapter (Japanese)
(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the Japanese chapter to show support)
Rough translation by me
By the way, I went back and revised P4 of 29-1 to be in line with this chapter, sorry 😓
P1
Yoshiki: There's nothing particularly strange here
Maki: Not now anyway
Hikaru: It really isn't here
(sfx: step step)
Yoshiki: What?
Hikaru: Oh, that thing over there
P2
Maki: What are y-
Maki: Ack!
Maki: Shit!
(sfx: step)
P3
(sfx: cicada noise)
Maki: Oh man! I totally forgot to clean it up, it's all messed up. Big bro's gonna be mad at me....
(sfx: cicada noise)
Rie: What is it a shrine to? O-Inari-san*, perhaps?
Maki: Mmm, no
Maki: It's to a serow**
Yoshiki: Serow...a Japanese serow? The species designated as a Special Natural Monument?
Maki: Well, this is a story about my great-grandpa...
* O-Inari-san - Harvest god associated with foxes (wiki)
** Japanese serow - (wiki)
P4
Maki: My great-grandpa was a hunter
Maki: And at one point, he started to get tailed by someone whenever he went into the mountains.
Maki: Whenever he looked for them, there were always "the footprints of a barefoot human"
Maki: He instinctively felt
Maki: That it couldn't be anything good
Maki: One time, when he went to collect a deer that had been caught in his trap
Maki: It hadn't been a deer, but a serow instead
P5
Maki: At that time, serow hunting had just been banned
Maki: So my great-grandpa let the serow go
Maki: After that, the presence that was tailing him suddenly disappeared
Maki: And instead, the hoofprints of a serow started following him instead
P6
Maki: My great-grandpa wanted to make that serow into a guardian deity
Maki: So he built this shrine...that's what I heard
Maki: Big bro was passionate about taking care of it, but he's gone up to Tokyo now
Maki: I just left it alone for a bit and now it's gotten messed up... heheh
Hikaru: You know...you should probably clean this up properly
Maki: You think so too!? I'll bring over the cleaning supplies!!
Yoshiki: The animal you were talking about yesterday...
P7
Hikaru: The "animal impurity" that was always following Maki around
Hikaru: I thought I hadn't seen it around recently, but now I know why
Rie: Oh, I see
Yoshiki: Huh? What kind of impurity was following him? The serow from the story just now?
Hikaru: Yeah, its just the impurity of a serow, but by being enshrined like this, its gone up in rank
Hikaru: Sometimes impurities can become like a guardian deity this way. Do you remember that forest path?
P8
(Maki: I can't see into the forest)
(Maki: How do I put it? It's like I can't take my eyes off the path)
(sfx: shock)
Yoshiki: That was...!
Hikaru: The guardian deity at work. It must have made it so that he couldn't see the "ku" monster. And it was after Maki left that we got attacked, haha.
Yoshiki: Then, it was because Maki slacked off on cleaning the shrine that the guardian disappeared and he started to be targeted by the "legs"...
Rie: Mmm...that's not the only thIng
(sfx: clatter)
P9
Yoshiki: Eek! Gross!!
Rie: The impurity is eating into it...It's probably...from the "hole"
Hikaru: Ah, you're right
Hikaru: I'll get rid of it right now!
P10
(sfx: BZZT)
Hikaru: Ow ow ow!
Hikaru: Yippee!
Yoshiki: You don't have a nose bleed...
Hikaru: It doesn't happen every time!
Rie: What did you do just now?
Rie: It disappeared, right?
P11
Hikaru: ? Yeah
Hikaru: I put it inside me! It's safe that way, right? I don't know where the impurities go after they're inside me though
Rie: ...I see. You handle them so easily. Souls and impurities...
Hikaru: "Easily"...
Hikaru: How should I put it...To me this kind of thing is...
==
Next chapter: 2024/08/13
Twitter Extras (link):
Yoshiki: A guardian animal deity...
Yoshiki: That's kind of cool...!
Hikaru: It's WIN/WIN for the impurity too!! It gets to suck up the life force from Maki's family a little bit at a time
Hikaru: But the whole family's so energetic that it seems like it all evens out!!
Yoshiki: ...
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foursaints · 8 months ago
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Who do you ship Pandora with, if anyone? And how do you imagine her dynamic with said person?
lily, probably!
alright now that we’re hiding under the cut, let’s talk about the secret real answer. this is genuinely a diabolical Hear Me Out & we’re all pinky promising to put our delusion hats on okay….
lowkey…. it’s lucius malfoy 😭 i believe they ruined each other for all other people. it’s a haughty stuck-up social climbing failson & the strange sickly carnivorous girlinventor who haunts his waking dreams and nightmares.
LISTEN!!!! i know i sound completely bonkers but i’m entranced by the idea of a younger lucius (with much less status and wealth before his marriage into the black family), who is much scrappier & angrier & more pathetic & desperate & obsessed with upward class mobility & completely insane. he’s still the Worst, he’s just a lot more pitiful and unhinged and his obsequiousness is genuinely embarrassing.
and then there is pandora, who only has her brother, who turned down the option of being heir to an ancient pureblood house, who is as freakish & uncaring of other’s opinions as anyone can get . who is just as angry as him. and he pisses her off
i think they would hate each other but i also think she would sneak that smarmy slytherin weirdo into the greenhouse & he would kick petulantly at an overturned flowerpot & she might brush his hair back from his face. they would hate each other but he would be disgustingly in love with her (without admitting it) and she’d be surprised whenever he acted like a gentleman. she likes his ambition for political power and he likes hers for invention. i NEED to see lucius tortured with love for a disheveled hippie ravenclaw….
it’s bohemian artist x sleazy politician!!! it’s evilwife x pathetic cringefail husband!!!!! she could fix him (get him to share a blunt with her)!!!! they would never publicly associate with each other of course, but there’s a really combative mutual fondness / fascination there.
they’re coriolanus snow x lucy gray baird variants
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justminawrites · 7 months ago
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None of you understand Amber Bennett: She's just a girl, your honour. A review of the show writers' least favourite love story from Invincible season 1.
Now let me just preface this by saying I have 2 points to make. Just two, very long, super rambly points that does have mild spoilers for Invincible season 2. Read at your own risk.
Point 1: Amber isn't "understanding" enough is utter bullshit.
There’s no indication that civilians outside of the ones associated with the GDA have any idea how brutal fights are for superheroes. Amber quite literally has no idea what the hell Mark is going through, even after the superhero reveal. The only thing she has a smidgeon of understanding of is his dad beating his ass on live TV. And even that is a heavy maybe because we don’t know how much of the fight the cameras could cover and how much was broadcast to the general public. 
Point 2: Amber’s dated Losers before.
This is stated explicitly in canon, she's “been down that road." Furthermore, she’s also the daughter of a single-parent household. She used to hang out a community centre as a kid because her mom did late hours. Daddy Issues anyone? She’s got a lot of her own problems that we never get to unpack or linger on because the writing decided she wasn’t going to end up with Mark. 
What if she’d already dated an absolute bastard before Mark? Someone who seemed sweet and genuine at first, but then he started slacking. He’d be late to dates, stop taking an interest in anything she did, and just never show up for her in any way that mattered. Amber would make up excuses with her friends and family, oh he’s busy, he’s studying; he cares, I swear, he just has a strange way of showing it. 
Her friends and family don’t believe her completely but they humor her because she really seems to like him. And the ex-boyfriend isn’t a douchebag the whole time.. he brings gifts to make up for being late, he plies and pacifies her with honeyed words and promises to be better.
But each time the lies get more and more difficult to believe. Traffic and science projects, traffic and science projects, even when he shows up smelling like weed and alcohol. Her friends and family give her tight-lipped smiles when her ex-boyfriend gives her sloppy kisses and proclaims over and over “She’s too good for me, this one.”
She tries to be empathetic, she tries to be understanding when they’re alone, he can tell her what it is that’s wrong. But every-time she brings up giving them some space, he takes it as an indication of her not believing him and he guilts her with one sob story or another— she knows him, he was so gentle and respectful before they started dating, does she really think he’d do this to her if he didn’t have a good reason? Just a masterclass in gaslighting. So she gives him a second chance, third chance, fourth even. 
But then he begins cheating on her. Whenever she confronts him about it, he plays victim and accuses her of being “crazy” even though the entire school knows otherwise. She catches him one fine day, and dumps him on the spot. For a short while, Amber’s very proud of this but as time passes she starts to feel extremely embarrassed that it took that long for her to catch on. 
No one blames her, of course, but they all say something along the lines of “We never liked him anyway” which makes Amber doubt the perception of him she had. She internalises their support as a failing on her part to be vigilant, she didn’t want to end up making the same mistakes as her mom, after all. 
Amber becomes guarded. She doesn’t entertain male attention (from Todd, for example) but then she finds out resident wimp Mark Grayson takes a beating for her and she feels bad. 
So she gives him a chance. Mark was a nonissue, a nobody with no track record of being amazing or awful, just an in-between, normal guy who was maybe a little soft spoken and needed to stand up for himself more. 
But every time they try to hang out, something comes in between them. The excuses are laughably obvious this time and Amber is caught between trying to understand if Mark Grayson is trying to let her down easy because he’s not interested or if he’s just another douchebag taking her for a ride. 
He leaves her alone during their study date for an hour to do something shady and/or potentially related to Eve (I know she overheard him yelling at Cecil in his bedroom); Mark tells her he’s been to Mount Everest, but can’t tell her How he got there, and leaves on a non-specific trip for two weeks, right after their first date, and can’t even tell her Where he’s going or what he did when he was there?
So she does what she’d wished she’d done in her first relationship, she sets her boundaries. Firmly. She gives Mark multiple chances to come clean when she tells him she’s not riding that wave again. It’s been brought up a few times that Amber has lingering relationship-trauma.
During their study date Amber tells him she’s been in relationships with violent potentially abusive guys (“Met plenty of guys who were willing to throw a punch for me.”); or when he stands her up for the Dinner with her mom she tells him that he needs to make a choice because she’s “Been down this road before, and once was enough.”
But he still keeps at it and she starts getting tired of defending him to her friends and her mom. He’s just busy, he’s just studying; he cares, I swear, he just has a strange way of showing it. And this time they shake their heads and lightly imply that she’s stuck in a pattern. Amber can feel them comparing Mark to her old boyfriend and it all becomes a bit too much. 
Either he’s a no good drug dealing prick or he’s just wasting her time, whatever it is, Amber’s had enough of being left in the dark. 
The soup kitchen is the final straw, but then she finds out that he gets run over by a bus. He actually gets hurt, this is the first time Amber’s seen him hurt, and she feels awful because if she hadn’t pushed him to show up for her again and again maybe he would’ve been more careful. 
He doesn’t let her visit him in the hospital. A hit and run on the wrong side of town was the story this time— he can’t even tell her this, the specifics of his accident! Eve was his first point of contact after his parents?! At this point Amber is convinced that he’s involved in something violent or something to do with Eve, or both and she’s not sure she wants to keep going with this. 
Amber is confused and hurt but she also feels responsible for Mark’s injuries. Maybe she Was too paranoid, maybe she Was projecting all her relationship-trauma on him and he would tell her what happened at his own pace. So she backtracks, gives him another chance.
College is really the best of all worlds, Mark makes her promises that this time will be different, and Amber tentatively agrees to college together. (She’s still stressed out about his injuries and on edge the whole time though and asks if he has a concussion). 
This is really important because Amber ends up at Upstate U later. She decided to go to college with him, basically because of Him. This wasn’t any specific plan she had before, this was her making room in her life for this boy and potentially everything their lives could be together. 
Then the Reanimen Incident happens. And she loses her shit. Mark Grayson is not the flakey but well-intentioned boyfriend she thought he was.. Mark Grayson is not even a good person! He LEFT her and William at the drop of a hat to save his own slimy skin, that bastard! Her intuition was right, she never should’ve given him a chance. 
Amber was no longer going to give Mark Grayson the time of day, much less share a bed with the self-serving jerk; she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of spinning another tall tale. Or seeing her cry. She closes the door to the shower rooms behind her, and overhears Rick leaving to get them all some beer. Dorm room walls are thin, after all.
Then she hears something else.
“You’re Invincible!” William’s voice carries over excitedly, “And you never told me?”
Here goes the "problematic" bit.
I think Amber was lying when she told Mark she knew he was Invincible weeks ago. Amber didn’t even know who Invincible was until a few minutes after the Reanimen attack. She isn’t acting for anyone around her, she’s genuinely confused when the superhero jets off because she’s never seen him in her life. 
I think she overheard William freaking out about it in the dorm room and she pieced together Mark’s absences with his vague excuses and why couldn’t visit him at the hospital. She takes a shower to cool off but sitting and stewing on all of it just makes her angrier and she decides to go to the frat party just to get away from Mark for a while. 
Now why wouldn’t she just tell him she overheard them talking? 
Amber is an assertive independent character with a lot of pride. And that’s not a bad thing. Amber has a lot to be proud of. She has a strong sense of justice, she doesn’t take crap from anyone and she has too much self-worth to put up with liars. 
You can clearly see this in the way she approaches Mark in the beginning. She asks William if he’s dating Eve, and then instead of calling him herself, she gets Todd to give Mark her number so he can call her if he’s interested, despite the fact that she already is. She has too much pride to chase him. It’s one of her fixed flaws, and it’s consistent to her character. 
So finding out that Mark is actually Invincible almost by accident, is kind of embarrassing for Amber. Not only because she yelled at him for disappearing but for all the times he misled her and lied to her only to actually have a good reason for doing it. There’s a lot of mixed emotions there, shame, guilt, concern. Guilt.
Admitting that she overheard he was Invincible would be like admitting she was a stupid, nagging girlfriend who had no right to be a part of his life (the way the fandom perceives her) so she doesn’t. She tries to distract herself with the party, flirts with someone she just met not ten minutes ago, and feels awful because he immediately drops the girlfriend bomb. 
Now she’s forced to confront the fact that she has a boyfriend, and her flakey, well-intentioned superhero boyfriend is sitting and moping in the dorm room because she doesn’t have the guts to tell him she knows. Because telling him she knows would remove the choice he’d need to make when deciding whether or not he was serious about their relationship.
Amber was serious, Amber was going to change her life and potentially open her future to college with him, but was Mark really sure about Them if he couldn’t even tell her of his own accord? 
Telling him would be like giving him another out. And Amber was done giving him an out. 
When he finally confesses he doesn’t see why she’s mad at him, because he doesn’t see her at all. He can’t even begin to imagine what this roller coaster of a weekend has been for her because she’s been serious about him all this time and it took them breaking up completely for Mark to choose her back in the first place and go all in. 
Now it’s true that Mark is entitled to his secrets but Amber is also entitled to being upset that he can’t tell her 1 solid thing about his life. Not one thing does he trust her enough to explain, and at that point why should they even be dating each other? Why should she change the course of her future for a guy who can’t tell her where he was last weekend?
Then Omni-man beats him up on live TV, and now that she knows that he’s Invincible, she finally gets a glimpse into the bloody, gruesome world that is Mark’s. His Dad isn’t a superhero, his Dad is a Monster, and Mark is discovering this the same time as the rest of the world.
So she freaks out because she cares, and she’s so relieved to see him not beat to a bloody pulp like on TV that she kisses him. She likely had no intention of getting back together with him before that, but world-ending fiascos often come with heightened emotions, and they’re just kids at the end of the day. 
She’s not a manipulative, narcissistic villain, she’s just a proud girl, in love with a boy who can’t decided whether or not he loves her back. 
Now do I think Mark is a terrible jerk who doesn’t deserve Amber? No. I watched Invincible the same way it was intended, almost entirely through Mark’s eyes, and it’s hard to assign blame in this case because we see how horrifying and traumatic being a superhero actually is. But that’s the point, we only see one half of the story. 
We see Amber through Mark’s eyes and in his opinion she could afford to be more compassionate to his excuses the moment she finds out he’s a hero, the way Eve can, but that’s not true at all because Amber has no idea what being a hero is like. Eve does, and that’s the difference that Mark is wilfully blind to. 
But Mark also has no idea what Amber’s life is like and it’s easy to get lost in the sea of all the lives lost and villains fought, that he genuinely hasn’t spent any time with his girlfriend as a person beyond his Girlfriend. Amber isn’t a person to him, like William stopped being eventually; they became sort of tethers to Mark’s humanity, a way to distinguish himself from his Dad. A way to ground him. 
Seriously? When was the last time Mark even talked to William, his once Best Friend? They’re not his Mom, they’re concepts to him. They’re civilians, potential victims he could end up losing if he doesn’t police himself and his powers. Mark slowly becomes disillusioned to his own life as a human, the more the leans into the Viltrumite half of his parentage. 
It’s a little tragic but it’s the story we’re seeing. In season 2, when Mark and Amber break up and he gives up his dream for college, these two things are almost explicitly correlated. Mark is coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to outlive everyone he knows, even his new baby brother and that is just the most chaotic example of a slow-burn trauma if I’ve ever seen one. He’s giving up being human, but maybe not giving up his humanity. 
______________________________________________________________
TLDR: None of you understand Amber Bennett because the writers decided that Mark would outlive her before he ever had the chance to see things from her perspective and I am SALTY about it
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silverynight · 1 month ago
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Underworld
<---Previous
Part XXIII
Izuku invites Aizawa over to his house again and the god can't refuse because lately he can't say 'No' to anything the green haired demigod tells him.
"I'll stay a couple of minutes. Although I do have to talk to your mother about your training."
Inko likes Aizawa, mostly because she knows everything that god has done for her son, so she's very kind to him whenever he pays them a visit.
As soon as she sees him, she starts making tea for the three of them. Aizawa sits at the table and waits for Izuku to finish telling his mother that he wants to train.
"Train?" Inko gets slightly worried; she usually associates that word with a future conflict, otherwise why would he require training? "Is it something wrong, Izuku?"
He hesitates for a second. He considers telling his mother about Endeavor, but she has nothing to do with that and telling her would only worry her for nothing.
Besides, Izuku is almost sure Todoroki's father won't do anything like that again.
"I want to be able to protect myself."
Inko looks back at him; she knows him really well and is sure that there's something more to it, but she also finds the response reasonable enough.
"Alright, just don't get yourself in trouble," she says, right before pulling her son into her arms. Then she glances at Aizawa for a moment. "I know you have done a lot for him already, but please take care of him."
Aizawa nods, with a soft smile on his lips.
"About that, Mrs Midoriya... the first couple of weeks of his training will be here, but later I'll have to take him to the Olympus at least for a few days. Are you okay with that?"
Inko nods.
"Of course. I trust you. I know you really care about my son."
Aizawa stays there for a while and then he goes out with Izuku to explain to him some things about his training.
Actually, Izuku is very excited about it and nervous too; just a few hours ago he had no idea he could do more than making flowers bloom or taking care of trees and crops.
"I'll come back here every day for your training. I also have to talk to All Might about this, although I think he'll like the idea. He mentioned something about training you too."
Izuku gets flustered; he's so happy now. Turns out All Might have been thinking about him too! Maybe he's not that useless as a demigod as he thought he was.
"Although he's definitely not going to like what happened with Endeavor."
Narrowing his eyes with concern, Izuku takes a step closer to Aizawa.
"Do you have to tell him?"
"He has to know what happened," the god says, getting slightly angry as he remembers everything. "Besides, Endeavor needs to understand that there are consequences... he doesn't have the right to do whatever he pleases just because he's a god, especially when he's threatening another one."
Izuku nods, accepting Aizawa's decision. He then smiles and hugs him again before he leaves.
Aizawa rolls his eyes, but he hugs him back.
***
The first few days are difficult; Izuku has no idea how to focus enough to make the thorns appear again.
"That's because you were scared," Aizawa explains. "You unconsciously channeled your power in order to protect yourself. That's good in extreme circumstances, but at the same time, it's dangerous. When you let an emotion dictate what you do or how you react, you lose control over yourself."
Izuku nods, remembering being scared of himself too; not knowing how to pull back the vines.
"When you do something with a clear mind, you have control over your own actions."
Then Aizawa decides to stop focusing on the vines and asks Izuku to help trees grow for a while and explain out loud how he does it.
It's strange at first; he's so used to it he mostly ignores the steps in order to achieve what he wants.
"I can feel this tree's energy," he explains, surprised by his own response. "I just give it more to accelerate the process of its growth. I visualize it in my mind."
Aizawa nods and just observes what Izuku usually does on a normal day in his own field.
The next day, he asks Izuku to make a couple of vines grow from the ground. This time, Izuku is a little bit more prepared for it.
It's like any other plant; nature is Izuku's friend, it has always helped him when he needs it the most.
He just needs to be kind and ask gently.
The demigod takes a deep breath, and focuses on what he can see in front of him. Slowly, a vine grows from the ground and stops when it gets as tall as Izuku. But it's only one and it doesn't have thorns on it.
"Good. That's progress," Aizawa smiles at Izuku, looking proud. "Now, you have to do that at least ten times more. It's okay if it doesn't have thorns, at least for now."
Izuku ends up exhausted, but he's happy about the results; not all of the vines are as tall as him, but he manages to get one to curl around a tree. Although, he thinks it was mostly luck, but he gets excited about it nonetheless.
It's not going to be easy, but it's satisfying when he manages to get something right.
***
After a week Katsuki comes to pay him a visit while he's in the middle of a training session; the vines he's managing to make grow are not taller than him, but they have a couple of thorns now. Izuku can even make the vines move a bit.
"Oi, Izuku!"
"Kacchan!" Suddenly, the vines start growing flowers and the flowers bloom the closer the god of the dead gets.
Aizawa's brows quirk up with curiosity as he looks at Izuku and the green haired demigod immediately blushes to the tip of his ears.
Izuku wonders if Aizawa knows what's going on; he's probably the smartest deity in the Olympus. He must know something's going on.
"Alright, I think it's enough for today," Aizawa mumbles, looking from Izuku to Katsuki.
"Aizawa is training you now?" The blond god asks, a little bit surprised. "Why? Are you alright, Izuku? What's going on?"
Izuku hasn't talked to anyone about Endeavor; the other day Iida told him All Might had an argument with the other god. And said he hadn't seen All Might so angry before; he didn't know what they were arguing about, but he managed to hear All Might telling Endeavor not to get closer to Izuku again.
Izuku doesn't want Katsuki to get angry on his behalf; he doesn't want to cause any more trouble.
"I want to be able to protect myself." He says exactly what he told his mother.
"Alright, but... I just want you to know I'm here for you too, if you... need help," Katsuki is usually proud and confident, but that day he looks particularly flustered.
Izuku finds it endearing; a couple of flowers bloom around them and Katsuki notices, looking at them with curiosity.
"I'll leave you alone for now, but I'll come back tomorrow," Aizawa says then.
Izuku nods, making the vines go back to the ground as his cheeks turn slightly pink again.
Katsuki takes one of his hands and stares into his eyes with a soft smile; his cheeks are pink too.
"I missed you, Izuku."
Izuku can't help but jump into his arms; he pulls him close to give him a hug and realizes that his crush on him is getting worse. And yet he doesn't let go of him.
***
Next--->
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braxiations · 10 months ago
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Hylics - The PoolWayne Theory
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Preamble
So, I’ve never really seen many Hylics theories be shared online. Most of what I’ve found is limited to discord servers like the Hylemxylem. So, I thought I might put my foot into the ring and share one of my own!
Now, this theory is pretty out there. I’ve done quite a lot of examining of both Hylics 1 and 2 and to my knowledge nothing contradicts my theory. I believe my idea explains quite a lot of things pretty well and adds some fun subtext to a lot of plot beats and history. However, it’s not the pure result of thorough evidence and 100% rational thinking. It’s basically a fun idea that explains some things and, in my opinion, is interesting.
The Wayne-poolman connection
To start, I’d like to point out an odd association between poolmen and Waynes. This is first seen before we even know what poolmen are: back at the Waynehouse. Here, we see Waynes slapping poolmen dummies as training. 
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Now, it’s likely that this is because poolmen are Gibby’s  main infantry, and this is a point I’ll return to soon. Secondly, is Gibby Redivivus’ design. Atop his head is a Wayne head… or is it? While this is also called a warpo head by some, in actuality it’s literally just the poolman model’s head colored yellow. 
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Poolmen’s heads are crescent shaped, so this makes sense. My thought upon learning this was “ha, are Waynes basically just yellow poolmen?” Well… Looking at the chibi sprites for both Wayne (or Sat-Wayne as I’ll call him) and poolmen do reveal a pretty clear similarity. While poolmen’s heads flop around so much in battle it’s hard to notice them as crescents, whenever shown as static or simplified they generally are shaped as such. 
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Now, all of this is to establish that I believe poolmen and Waynes to be mirrors or counterparts to one another in some way. Personally, I think this was actually intended by Mason himself. As you’ve probably noticed though, this post is far from over.
Why does Gibby look like that?
Specifically, why does Gibby R wear a Wayne/warpo/poolman-dipped-in-yellow-paint head anyway? As many know, Gibby’s design in Hylics 2 differs from his design in H1 because it originally belonged to a (probably) different character, Fuller. In-universe, however, Gibby’s body is referred to as a “vessel.” His remains were likely put into or molded into this form by Odozeir and his followers. So, why on Fingerhead’s beige Earth would he endow him with THE FACE OF THE GUY WHO MURDERED HIS BOSS? Well, it seems that Gibby has been repping this symbol since longgg before his reconstitution, just not as a face. 
In the platforming mini-games, we get our only look at the world before the Accretion. This confirms a few interesting points: 
There was at least 1 other Wayne pre-Accretion, being Sat-Wayne himself. (Likely a Waynehouse too.)
A Hylemxylem (likely the one that became the Moon) existed pre-Accretion. (Seen in the bg.)
Gibby and Odozeir were allied before the Accretion. (Their faces are on flags together.)
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This last note about the flags is important as the Gibby face used is his Redivivus design. As this was being used on flags way back when, it stands to reason that Odozeir fashioned Gibby’s vessel after the symbol itself. Likewise, this would also mean that the Waynehead was being used as part of Gibby’s iconography back then too… which is strange.
Waynes as an army
The nature of Waynes is a question that dances around the edges of Hylics 2, but it never really addresses it outright. Here’s what we know:
Waynes have a huge grudge against Gibby. They seemingly spend much of their time training in the event he becomes a problem again.
They’re all equipped for combat, seemingly naturally. They do have to train and they spend much of their time doing so.
They’re seemingly all clones of one another or something analogous. They can have some differences (some are more well-trained, at least one is either fem or trans (if Decres is canon), etc,) but most are identical. 
Waynes are kind of a problem, at least in the Hylics 2 zone. Chuck, when speaking of his writing process for An Endless Cycle, stated that he wanted to invoke this feeling. With the seemingly mutant Waynes we’ve seen in the New Hylics teasers, Waynes might be growing out of control, taking a role similar to that of invasive species. Tl;dr: they probably aren’t a part of the local natural order.
Perhaps Waynes are entirely natural, eusocial organisms like ants and their soldier-like training simply comes from the fact that they’re sapient. Their contentious placement in the Hylics 2 ecosystem could merely be them being invasive. Their single-minded grudge against Gibby could be explained in a few ways. If H1-Wayne is indeed the Old Wayne from H2, perhaps he dedicated his… children(?) to keep Gibby at bay because it was his most notable accomplishment. Where this explanation might falter is the Wayne head symbol used by Gibby, which is still left entirely unexplained. 
So… what if the symbol came first?
The theory What we know of the Wayne species’ nature, as listed in the previous section, is highly reminiscent of sci-fi ideas of modified super soldiers. In the Star Wars prequels, for example, literal clones meant only for combat are a prevalent plot point. While Waynes as ant-soldiers sufficiently explains many of these traits, the idea that Gibby’s yellow crescent predates the Waynes could only leave an artificial origin as an option. Now, of course, this point that Gibby’s symbol is older than Waynes themselves can’t be proven for certain. The oldest point in the timeline we have access to shows Sat-Wayne coexisting with the symbol. If one was older than the other we’d have no idea. What strikes me as odd, though, is why Gibby would ever associate himself with Waynes. While we don’t know if they’ve always had an antagonistic relationship, Sat-Wayne (who is again, the first Wayne we know of,) spends much of his time attacking Gibby and Odozeir’s forces. The conflict between the two groups has been ongoing, and it seems odd Gibby would choose to honor a species that has constantly attacked him for so many years without strong reason.
With this in mind, I will propose my theory: Waynes are not a naturally occurring species. Rather, they are the descendents of poolmen fashioned into super-soldiers by none other than the forces of Gibby. As such, they were changed to resemble the yellow crescent used as a symbol of Gibby for so long. Now, the manner through which this was done isn’t super important. I like to think they were selectively bred, but it’s just as possible they were genetically modified or given some of Gibby’s royal goop. It’s really just speculation.
As we have established, poolmen may be some of the primary infantry used in Gibby’s armies, especially pre-Accretion. (I would like to suggest that poolmen are the koopas of Gibby’s army, and tyros are the goombas.) With their strong resemblance to Waynes, it stands to reason that Gibby, looking for more capable soldiers, would use the poolmen as a basis. While poolmen are capable of speech, they’re generally represented as animalistic. Their only gestures used are lambaste and multiply, as well as the ability allotrope. As lambaste is literally just hitting someone, multiply is clearly their reproduction, and allotrope is a reflex, it stands to reason they aren’t capable of the hand movements required to use actual complex gestures. (They don’t even seem to have hands.) Other enemies such as the noncomfornist clearly show this ability. Thus, it stands to reason that Gibby would seek soldiers capable of doing such things. In fact stronger, modified poolmen are clearly seen in the form of poolmagnes, but they still don’t achieve these heights.
Many stories of advanced combat technology involve betrayal or an uprising from the technology itself. Thus, we may be able to explain why Waynes hate Gibby so much anyways. Created as sapient soldiers, Waynes would effectively be slaves. They would have no choice but to fight and participate in the tyrant’s cruelty. It seems likely that they would have rebelled, and Gibby may have retaliated harshly.
Sat-Wayne is alone in the Waynehouse he emerges from. H1-Wayne is clearly the only member of his species in the Hylics 1 zone. Many have noticed that the redesign of the Ghost enemies bear a strong resemblance to the skulls of Waynes. Further elaboration falls into pure speculation, so I’ll let you come to your own conclusions here.
Ultimately, we’re left with the following timeline:
Gibby employed poolmen for war.
Wanting stronger soldiers, he ordered his forces to create a more powerful breed of poolman, capable of complex reasoning and the use of gestures.
These Waynes proved too intelligent and rebelled.
Gibby reacted harshly, wiping out nearly all of them.
This begs the question of why Gibby still, by the time of Hylics 2, choses to use the yellow crescent symbol. I think this could be explained as a form of denial. If he casts aside a symbol that was always his simply because rebels used it, he would essentially be admitting defeat. Besides, an NPC in New Muldul talks about wretched anarchists who overthrew Gibby, not realizing who he’s talking to. The fact that a Wayne was responsible for killing Gibby might not be common knowledge. Gibby can simply ignore the uprising and continue to use it.
Other notes and convenient ties
One of my favorite parts of this theory is that it retroactively explains some other oddities in the games. For example, Wayne heads notoriously occur throughout the world or even on jars. If the crescent is a symbol of Gibby, who we know has influence throughout much of the world, this is rather easily explained. 
It gives us an association between Gibby and the Waynes. Many have pointed out that both have names in reference to the moon: gibbous moons and waning moons. Gibby is notoriously prideful and arrogant, so perhaps he intended the Waynes to be made in his image, giving them a similarly lunar name. 
It could explain the moon soldiers and their weakness. Many have noticed their resemblance to Waynes. Perhaps, after the rebellion of the Waynes, Gibby still desired more powerful soldiers. Moon soldiers could easily just be another artificial variety of poolmen, making them basically the cousins of Waynes. Their intense weakness could be attributed to avoiding the pitfall of making soldiers that are too powerful again. Maybe he hoped someone would see the Moon covered in soldiers and simply decide to back off. (It’s worth noting that moon soldiers might not be nearly as weak as we see them. Rather, the joke might be that at this point in the game Wayne and crew have become so strong that they’re killed in an instant.)
The fighting instinct of Waynes could explain the depression, purposelessness, and exhaustion of H2-Wayne that we see explored in Absent Moon. With this theory, Waynes would literally only exist to fight. Having defeated his greatest enemy, Wayne no longer has a purpose in life. Perhaps this lack of purpose has caused unrest in the Waynehouse, and will lead into the events of the New Hylics game that features monstrous, creature-like Waynes. 
Old Wayne remarks on the “forecasts” of the stars, apparently able to glean meaning from them. Perhaps an ability to read celestial bodies is a holdover from their days as Gibby’s soldiers. While the Hylemxylem had not yet developed into the false moon of Hylics 1, this may have been planned. Perhaps the Moon could have sent or shone signals for the Old Wayne to interpret and relay to the Waynes under their command. 
Warpos could essentially be reverted to an older, primal state by their consumption of poolwine. This doesn’t make much sense biologically but whatever.
Random biology notes
Poolmen probably contain hard, spiny components akin to the spicules found within sponges. These spicules would be poked out of their bodies in their allotrope attack. Perhaps this developed into the skeletons of Waynes. The way Wayne’s flesh and muscles melt off of him upon death is similar to how poolmen melt upon their own deaths.
Poolmen multiply and reproduce asexually, likely meaning they’re all more or less genetically identical to one another (there would be errors of course.) Wayne reproduction is more or less elusive, but their status as clones and low genetic diversity could be a remnant of their poolman ancestors.
I have a theory that the “egg pods” we see in the Waynehouse basement might be the Wayne equivalent of the hylethems that produce poolmen. However the connection between poolmen, hylethems, and hylem as a whole is a story for another time.
Summary and conclusion
I believe that Waynes are a sort of poolmen. They were either genetically modified or selectively bred from normal poolmen, as Gibby wanted to employ them as soldiers capable of complex thinking and use of gestures. These Waynes proved too powerful and intelligent, rising up against their creator. He had many of them slaughtered, creating a grudge that would last countless years and influence the Wayne species for the rest of time. 
That’s basically it. Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts, counterpoints, or additional ideas please feel free to share! I’d really like to discuss this with people!.
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aromacaque · 11 months ago
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Something I don't think a lot of queer people understand because the aro/ace community is very online-oriented is how little people actually know about aromanticism.
I feel like if you're predominantly in queer spaces (especially online) then of course you have at least heard of aro/ace identities, but IRL I have only met like 2 other aro people. Ever. In my entire life. Most people I meet tend to only know a little bit about it, or more than likely know nothing at all. Most people I meet have never met an aro person ever in their life (that they know of), and it Really shows. Because I think generally speaking most people know of other sexualities and trans people to some degree (i.e. gay, bi, trans). If they don't they definitely know of them. But that's not the same for aromantic people. So whenever I talk about myself, unless I explicitly give the label out to them so they can have a word to associate with my "abnormalities" or the things they think are strange (or even wrong) about me, then they just stare at me like I'm an anomaly.
I have been stared at like an anomaly. I have had many moments with people where me just being vaguely honest about my love life (or lack thereof) has been met with confusion and discomfort from the people around me. Multiple times where I can tell people are uncomfortable and HAVE A PROBLEM with me for either offhandedly mentioning I've never had a crush or just not having much of anything to contribute to a conversation regarding that stuff.
I have also had people claim they could be the exception or that they could "fix me." From both straight and queer people by the way.
My entire existence challenges so much of these people's concept of how social conventions work and so they immediately pinpoint me as being different.
To add to this, that feeling of alienation is very present in queer spaces as well. Being the only aromantic person in the room of other queer people, who claim to be accepting, yet you're always the afterthought? If even thought of at all? That's.. not really acceptance, is it? I don't think so.
I could get into more detail with this but the gist is that I've always felt more comfortable in queer spaces as a trans person than I ever have been as aromantic.
I genuinely don't think other queer people actually grasp how alienating and oppressive socially the experience of being aromantic is. They just see us as "basically cishet" or "QPRs are basically just dating!" when that couldn't be farther from the truth. The way I experience attraction is fundamentally different to the majority of the population, cishet AND lgbt sexualities combined. And it's really annoying to be treated as if we don't ever experience prejudice due to it.
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chaotic-super · 1 year ago
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A Different Kind of Alien
Here's my piece for this year's SCBB! Read it on AO3 here!
You can see the incredible associated art by CorpseCollector here!
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Summary - A series of events leading up to Lena’s realization that Kara’s alien side is a different person from the one everyone, including herself, has been allowed to see. 
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Lena’s heels click against the polished floor of the DEO in a stern rhythm that sets every agent’s teeth on edge. Nobody is more on edge than Lena though because she has a worry that’s been keeping her up at night and making her paranoid. One that she is here to get rid of as soon as she finds the subject of said worry.
“What can we do for you, Ms Luthor?” Alex greets her, not at all happy that Lena is using her recent save of Supergirl as an opportunity to get access to the DEO headquarters whenever she sees fit.
Lena thinks it’s great, honestly. She’s never been able to get in here without a million passes through security and only ever when they want to bring her in as their last option because they still, even after all this time, doubt that she’s doing anything without ulterior motives.
“There’s someone I want to speak with. I think you know who.” Lena states, her voice cool and sharp.
Alex’s hands find her hips and her spine straightens even more, if that’s even possible. “Supergirl isn’t here right now.”
“Really?” Lena’s eyebrow raises dangerously.
“Really.”
“I don’t believe that you’re being completely truthful, Director. What exactly do you think I’m going to do to her? I didn’t build her a suit to protect her from kryptonite radiation just to make sure I’m the one that gets to kill her.” Lena’s arms fold over her chest, her voice getting more and more hostile as she speaks.
This is getting out of hand already. Alex can see that simply by looking around her at all of the agents that are pretending that they aren’t trying to listen in and watch the show as it unfolds.
Alex steps closer to Lena and lowers her voice. “I’m not accusing you of anything, she really isn’t here.”
Lena doesn’t look like she believes her, not one bit. “I have already checked everywhere else so where is she?”
Now Alex is just confused. “What do you mean? She should be at work or if not, her loft. If she’s not there then I have no idea. Supergirl hasn’t been needed today, and I’ve been busy so I haven’t spoken to her. Why can’t you just text like a normal person instead of storming into government buildings like you own the place?”
Lena ignores the last jab at her. “I’ve tried CatCo and her loft. She hasn’t answered any of my messages or calls either. I asked James if he knew where she could be when she wasn’t at CatCo and he said it’s her day off so she should be at home. When she wasn’t there, I figured she would be here.”
A frown sits squarely on Alex’s face. “That’s really strange. She never told me she had the day off; she’s usually working on Thursdays. Let me try to call her, she might just be avoiding you.”
“Hey!” Lena scolds her but she’s already been tuned out so Alex can attempt to make her call.
Alex half-turns away from her so she doesn’t get distracted by Lena whilst on the phone and the action leaves Lena huffing and trying to inch closer discreetly in the hope that she will be able to hear what Kara says on the phone if she actually picks up.
When Alex sees her moving out of the corner of her eye, she just takes a step further away from her, a half-hearted glare shooting out of her eyes at Lena all the while that prevents Lena from trying to get closer again.
It takes a long time for the call to go through and by the time it does get answered, Alex is tapping her foot impatiently and her voice is sharp with Kara despite her not being the one to put her in a mood. It makes Lena feel a little bit guilty but overall, she thinks it’s Alex’s problem if she can’t compartmentalise and be nice to innocent people.
Alex’s tone is hushed and since she can’t hear Kara’s side of the conversation, Lena doesn’t bother trying to decipher what’s being said, more inclined to just wait until the call is over so she can annoy Alex further by asking a million questions about what was said.
Lena’s gaze lazily roams around the large open space within the DEO. She watches the agents rushing back and forth doing things she can’t comprehend and the computer screens over on one side of the room holding statistics, maps, and personnel files. She doesn’t linger on those for too long, the last thing she wants is to be tackled because they think she’s stealing intellectual property from the government or some bullcrap like that.
Alex clears her throat once the call ends and she looks less annoyed and more smug. “She’s at the Fortress of Solitude so unless you can magically appear in the Arctic, I’d say you’ll have to wait another day to do whatever it is you’re apparently thinking of doing. Sucks to suck.”
“That’s perfectly ok, Director Danvers. I have a lovely little piece of technology that can take me right there.” Lena smirks whilst holding up her wrist to show off her watch, which has been purposefully modified to create a portal to wherever she wants to go as long as she has the coordinates, which she does in this instance. She’s very glad she noted them down when she was last in the Fortress of Solitude, right after the Daxamites kidnapped her.
“Oh really? Let’s see it then.” Alex folds her arms, disbelief radiating out of her pores.
Lena just shrugs and presses a few buttons on her watch. A portal opens to the sound of dozens of agents gasping because a literal purple swirling portal just opened up in the middle of their workplace.
“That’s really going to take you to the Fortress of Solitude?” Alex asks, doubt still lingering, but overall, she’s a lot more convinced now and also clamouring to know how the watch works so she can build her own because she could seriously cut down her commute to work with one of those bad boys. She could sleep for an extra twenty minutes.
Lena shakes her head with a wry smile. “No, this is going to take me home. I believe that it would be in my best interests to collect my winter coat from my closet before heading to the Arctic. I’ll see you later, Director. I have business to discuss with Supergirl that cannot wait any longer.”
“Wait, what’s so important that you can’t wait for her to return? She only ever stays there for maybe two or three hours at a time.”
“I don’t believe that’s any of your business. Have a great day, Director, and please, don’t hesitate to pick your jaw up off the floor once I’ve left.” Lena makes an about-turn and promptly struts into the portal, which disappears right after she steps through it.
Alex stares at the spot where the portal was just a few seconds ago, her jaw hanging loosely for a moment before snapping shut with a click.
-
Despite the massive coat secured around her, Lena has to wrap her arms around her waist to try and fend off the cold as she steps out of the portal and into the Fortress of Solitude.
Vast walls of ice surround her, and statues of people that are long gone glare down at her, their heads the size of cars because they are so large. “Hello to you too.” She whispers up at them, half impressed, half intimidated.
Taking a look around, she can’t see any signs of life. There’s just ice, random control panels and random shelves made of yet more ice with weapons and different types of technology stacked on them. As much as she’d like to take a good look at all of that, it’s not what she’s here for. She’s here to look for one specific person. One yet to be located.
She starts walking. This isn’t exactly the kind of place to have signs up to point anyone in any particular direction, and if there is, they are all in a language that Lena doesn’t speak. Not that she wouldn’t mind learning. She just has to wander and hope she’ll find her way at some point.
Hallway after hallway of the same freezing design takes her nowhere except in circles. She’s got her ear out for any sign of movement but all she can hear is her own thundering heartbeat, staggered breaths, clicking heels and the odd crackle from the ice—nothing to give away anything helpful. Something helpful that does give Lena a clue is the lighting.
Everywhere is lit by a faint bluish tinge except for one place. From beneath a door that she doesn’t know how to open, she can see red. Not harsh, nor foreboding. A pleasant red, a dulled crimson, one that reads as comforting.
There’s no apparent door handle or button to push to get the door open, but she can see the light around the edge of the door, which she isn’t entirely sure is actually a door. The doorway is arched at the top, creating a beautiful outline that she wants to commit to memory for no reason other than to admire it when she’s not so cold her toes feel like they might snap off. She should have changed out of her heels into boots before coming here. The coat isn’t enough.
Her bare hands press against the ice in search of a way to open it, but nothing happens apart from her fingers getting cold. Next, she tries the ice around the outside of the door. No dice. The final option is something a little more hands-on. She tries pressing her hands into the door and then pushing it to one side to see if it will shift any.
It does shift but she was pushing in the wrong direction because she closes up the gap on one side of the door, blocking the light. She pushes the other way and with a little heaving, the door cracks open enough to peek through the gap and wrestle her fingers into it to move it easier.
Lena takes a look through the steadily widening gap, her green eyes hungrily drinking in the sight that greets her.
The door is shuffled open just enough that when she turns on her side, she can just about force her way through it and stumble into the room, her eyes never once leaving the form of the woman inside, the woman she came here to see.
So desperately, Lena wants to call out to her, a little worried that she hasn’t reacted to her presence because while she hasn’t been particularly loud, she’s made enough noise that a superpowered alien should be able to hear her, especially her loud footsteps, the heels of her shoes taking no prisoners with the harsh clip-clop that accompanies each movement of her feet.
Kara is sitting on the ground, her legs crossed and her hands reaching out behind her to keep her propped up as she leans back, her head tilted towards the light in the ceiling, the one emitting the red glow. Her eyes are closed and a tiny, relaxed smile graces her face. Lena’s not so sure as though she’s ever seen someone look so comfortable and beautiful. The grace she’s exuding is powerful and it almost knocks Lena back off her feet.
“Kara?” The name falls from her lips in the most hushed of voices but somehow, it’s mightier than any other noise she’s made, more compelling.
Kara’s head whips up and she wrestles to her knees in a flurry of frantic limbs and wild panic. There’s no grace or regal stature to her now. It’s all gone with that one whispered word and now Lena is staring into the frightened gaze of a woman that wasn’t here when she arrived. This isn’t the person she was just looking at; this is someone else and Lena isn’t sure why.
She’s not sure why Kara is acting so panicked. She’s not sure why she was sitting on the floor and looking the way she was. She isn’t sure why Kara is now looking guilty and she isn’t sure why she’s now feeling guilty for making Kara feel guilty.
“Kara, are you ok?”
“What are you doing here?” Kara ignores Lena’s question, her arms folding over her chest protectively, her shoulders hunching forward and her voice small in a way Lena has never heard from her. At least, not whilst she’s wearing her suit.
Lena moves closer and sees the muscles across Kara’s body ripple as she resists the urge to move back away from her so she stops a couple of paces away. “I couldn’t get hold of you and I was worried. You never showed up for lunch so I went to CatCo and your loft. When you weren’t there and still weren’t answering your phone, I went to the DEO. I was worried you’d been hurt, but then Alex called and you answered. She told me where to find you and I came.”
A hand slides across Kara’s forehead, the stress behind the action abundantly clear. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that was tomorrow. My phone was set to do-not-disturb, but Alex’s number is set so she can still call me in emergencies. I thought I had the day to myself so I came up here. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
Lena nods, the action slow and precise enough that it only serves to increase the anxiety building in Kara.
“Ok,” Lena says. “So, what were you doing?”
Kara shakes her head. “Nothing much, just going through a few things.”
“You were on the floor though, Kara. Why?”
“Just…” Kara’s eyes flicker around the room for an explanation to draw from, “…resting.” She winces after she says it. That was the worst thing she could have said. No other word is more transparent than that.
The sound of Kara’s increased breaths fills the air and the rise and fall of her chest is the most prominent movement in the room, letting Lena in on the secret that whatever it is that Kara was doing, it was important to her but shouldn’t be spoken about. Not if she would like Kara to continue her streak of never having a heart attack.
“Ok then. Well, do you want me to leave you to it or do you want to come to lunch? I haven’t eaten yet so I’m thinking of either heading to Noonan’s or picking up Big Belly Burger and heading back to my place. Either option is good if you’re feeling up to it. I don’t want to mess up your plans for a relaxing day away from everyone if you don’t want to come.”
Kara shrugs. “I guess I am hungry. Want to head back and I’ll clean up and meet you there?”
“I don’t mind waiting,” Lena replies, noting that was the wrong thing to say when Kara’s unease grew. “How about I find my way back to the main room, the one with all the statues, and wait there?”
Kara’s shoulders slacken. “Sounds good. I’ll just be a few minutes.”
Lena forces a smile, her own curiosity and bafflement taking a backseat to Kara’s overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions. With one last look around the room, the red light of particular interest to her, she turns around and heads out of the room, taking the next right.
“Wrong way! Take a left and then the fourth right. You can’t miss it!” Kara yells behind her. As casually as she can, Lena turns back and follows her instructions.
-
Lena never pushes the topic of finding Kara on the floor of The Fortress of Solitude. She doesn’t push it at lunch or the many other lunches that follow. She doesn’t discuss it with anyone but doesn’t forget it. Instead, she logs it in the back of her mind and keeps it hidden away for moments when she can only think about Kara. It’s a mystery she wants to solve but one she doesn’t know how to approach.
It’s something still sitting in the back of her head though, even as she’s heading up the stairs to Kara’s apartment, the elevator sitting dead in the water with caution tape across the doors. It’ll probably be like that for a while, it took over four months when it broke down last year.
There’s a sense of calm for Lena though. A little bit of the anxiety she’s felt surrounding the situation with Kara has gone because tonight, she’s not spending time with her alone. It’s game night so she couldn’t bring it up with her if she wanted to because it wouldn’t be fair to Kara and she gets to enjoy her time without spending every second trying to figure out if it’s a good idea for her to ask about what happened at the fortress.
She’s slowly stomping up the stairs, her bag weighted down with half a dozen bottles of wine. Not all for tonight but because she’s recently learned that Kara with her stupid, big heart has been stocking up on her favourite wine so she can offer it to her when she’s over and spending much more money than she should be for someone on her salary just because her best friend has expensive taste. She’s brought a couple of bottles to be shared tonight and then a few to stay here for the nights she visits. Also a bottle of nice champagne she knows Kara likes but rarely indulges in because she thinks it’s weird to drink it when it’s not in celebration of something so refuses to buy it for herself. That certainly doesn’t stop her when Lena pours her a glass as a treat though.
The clunky pattering of flurried footsteps fills the echoing space of the stairwell. Lena turns her head to look behind her and see who it is.
Alex appears at her side, eyeing up the bag in her hands. “Oh, that’s a decent bag of drinks, please tell me there’s something in there for me.”
“Nope. It’s your turn to get the good scotch, this is just me restocking my wine in the loft.”
“You keep wine in Kara’s loft?”
“Yeah, your idiot sister buys it for me if I don’t.”
Alex’s head tilts to one side. “She is kind of dumb at times when it comes to hospitality.” She sniffs. “And quite a lot of other things too.”
Lena uses her free hand to swat at Alex’s arm. “Be nice, that was an unnecessary jab. Kara is plenty smart most of the time.”
That garners a snort. “Most of the time,” Alex repeats.
Lena shakes her head and carries on upstairs, more bothered about getting to Kara’s loft so she can put this heavy bag down.
The door opens before they could knock, Kara grinning at them. “Hey!” She wrangles the bag from Lena’s hand and wraps her up in a hug, her eyes falling closed momentarily. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“And I’m here too.” Alex huffs, pushing the pair to get by because they’re blocking the doorway. It makes Lena lose her balance slightly but Kara stands firm, a steadying hand wrapped around her waist and another around her back.
“Ignore her, she’s being insufferable today.” Lena quips when Kara pulls away and looks over at Alex, who has already splatted on her couch, limbs spread in every direction and her eyes closed. “I think she must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
“No, I just didn’t get much sleep because I worked late last night getting paperwork done because a certain someone demanded access to files on a certain caped Kryptonian.”
Kara closes the door softly, taking a quick peek down the hallway and using her super hearing once more to see if any of the others are here yet. She can hear Nia and Brainy just outside but there’s no point in her keeping the door open when it’ll take them a couple of minutes to get up here anyway. Then she clues into what Alex just said. “You wanted files on me?” She turns to Lena with a questioning eyebrow lifted in her direction.
Lena shrugs it off like it’s completely normal. “Of course, I did. How else am I going to keep up to date on you and build you a better suit? I think Winn is great and all but I think it’s time to ditch the skirt. It does make your legs look incredible but that’s yet to help you in a fight.”
“You’re going to build me a suit?” Kara’s eyes light up and she bounces on her toes a little in excitement, her hands balling up beneath her chin and twitching as she fights to keep in control of herself. “I’m so excited! Can I help?”
“Of course, you can, anything for my favourite person.” Lena grins, her sparkling eyes tracking each barely contained movement from Kara and it’s when she watches her like this she sees it – the way Kara has to fight to stay in control of her own body, the way her muscles ache to be freed from the cage she forces them into so she doesn’t destroy anything around her or cause harm to anyone. It’s so easy to forget the power she holds and Lena forgets just how lucky she is.
She’s followed this line of thinking many a time and each time it does nothing but bum her out and make her chest feel tight, an empathetic response to the claustrophobia Kara must experience within her own body. The difference between her and Kara though, is that she forgets. She forgets how strong Kara is and the effort she puts into keeping everyone safe. That’s a luxury Kara can never afford.
“You’re the best, Lena!” Kara, now finished with her physical display of pure pleasure, pulls her into another hug. They sway with the force of it and Lena’s hands splay across the muscles of Kara’s back, the tension there still palpable.
“I know,” Lena responds, smirking when she pulls back because Alex is here and she’s not willing to look like a complete sap in front of her, that’s a surefire way to make sure she gets teased for the rest of her life and that’s not something she’s signing up for right now.
Alex swipes the bag out of Lena’s hand, pulling out one of the bottles and turning it in her hand so she can take a good look at the label. She whistles as she reads it. “Oh yeah, we are totally drinking this tonight.”
Kara frowns. “Why did you bring wine? I’ve got a bottle in the cupboard already.”
Lena pats her on her arm tenderly. “Because I’m a billionaire, darling, and you’ve got a massive food bill to contend with without me adding an extra expense to your monthly outgoings. I’ve got the wine, there’s no need for you to put yourself out to get it for me.”
“But—”
“No buts.” Lena holds up a finger and snatches the bag with the rest of the bottles out of Alex’s loose grip before opening the cupboard and beginning to put the bottles away next to the one already sitting there. It wasn’t there the last time she was here because they finished the bottle so Kara must have already restocked. She was hoping to have gotten there before her but since she bought so many bottles, that won’t be an issue again, that’s the last bottle Kara will buy for her.
Behind her, Kara frowns at her back, discomfort bubbling in her chest. It goes against the conduct she was raised with. A good host should always provide for their guests and to not do so is deemed disrespectful. Lena doesn’t know that, Kara’s fully aware that she doesn’t, but there’s still a discomfort there. She’s going to have to find a way around that, maybe she’ll have to start stocking up on Lena’s healthy snacks and disgusting green smoothies she likes even though she swore to never let any of it into her apartment.
It doesn’t solve the issue but it does calm her internal discomfort by a small margin. There’s only so much she can argue without her insistence looking strange, especially since Lena has the advantage of having a logical argument for why she should pay for her drink of choice.
The door flies open just a millisecond after a rush of rapid knocks fill the air, Nia walking in with Brainy right on her heels. “The party is here so change out of your granny panties and get your party thongs on!”
“What is wrong with you?” Alex questions, her face blank.
“So many things.” Nia shrugs and slings herself onto the couch, Brainy following her and taking a more civilized approach to sitting down.
“Hello, everyone.”
“Hey, Brainy. Hey, Nia.” Kara greets them both before turning to Alex. “Is this everyone for tonight or is Kelly showing up too?”
Alex’s lips turn up into a hint of a smile at the mention of her girlfriend. “She’s working late so she’s going back to her place to shower and will show up in a little while. She said to go ahead and order food, just save her a couple of slices of pizza.”
“What makes her think we’re ordering pizza?” Lena’s head tilts.
Kara shrugs. “Well, we always order pizza.”
“Not always,” Lena argues.
Alex snorts. “Can you remember the last time we didn’t order pizza for game night?”
Lena’s mouth opens and she goes to reply but she very quickly realizes she can’t actually remember the last time they didn’t have pizza. Even when they order from different places or have different cuisines, they always order pizza too just so they are certain they won’t run out of food. “Touché.”
“So, pepperoni?” Kara inquires, her phone in hand ready to place their order.
“Get a veggie one too. I’ll order Chinese as well.” Alex starts barking her orders. “Lena, find a game for us all to play while we wait for food.”
“Aye aye, captain. Whatever you say, captain.” Lena rolls her eyes but moves anyway, pleased when she sees Kara giggle at her little quip.
Lena purposefully chooses a couple of games that won’t take too long to get through so Kelly will be able to join right in when she gets here, that way she won’t have to just awkwardly watch while the rest of them play. Besides, if she had chosen something like Monopoly, there’s a strong likelihood that fewer people would be leaving the apartment alive than how many came in.
Food ordered and games underway, they find themselves all gathered around Kara’s coffee table. Brainy and Nia have taken the couch, Alex has taken a chair and Lena has taken the other. Since the last thing Kara wants is to be squeezing herself into the gap left next to the young lovebirds, she’s taken a cushion and is sitting on the floor and leaning back against Lena’s legs.
Since Lena felt how tense Kara was before, she’s taken it upon herself to gently massage Kara’s shoulders and try to ease out the tension one heavy pet at a time. The more her hands work, the more Kara ends up leaning against her and rolling her head forward between turns to give her more space to work.
The pair are in their own little bubble right up until Alex decides she’s done listening to the rather disgusting sound of Kara’s sighs. “Can you two not? I’m sure this could be classified as lesbian porn.”
“You would know.” Kara mumbles, not lifting her head and bringing her hands up to cover Lena’s to make sure she doesn’t stop.
“You’re gross.” Alex’s nose wrinkles.
Lena shrugs the whole thing off. Kara holds a lot of weight on her shoulders, that cape is filled with the sorrows and pain of not one but two planets so if she has to do a little maintenance every once in a while, she’s not going to complain. Even steel corrodes.
With the position they’re in, she can only reach her shoulders without it being uncomfortable for the pair of them having to move so eventually the shoulder massage just turns into head scratches and Kara is flush against her legs by that point and has given up on even pretending she’s interested in the game.
Kara whines when there’s a knock at the door because she knows she’s got to get up and lose the soothing sensation of nails dragging across her scalp but gets up anyway because if she’s not quick enough then Lena’s likely to rush over and pay for the food when it’s not her turn.
The pizzas are here first but only just, the Chinese arriving only moments after they get it all set up on the counter for everyone to take their fill so it’s easy enough to dish out everyone’s meals.
As always though, they ordered way too much food, even with the extra orders of pizza so what starts as a civilized meal as a group very quickly descends into a free for all, everyone piling their plates high with so much food there’s no way they will be able to finish it all. Well, there is one woman that will definitely finish all of her food and even then she’s probably going to go for seconds.
Kara’s food is piled so high that Lena holds her breath as she carries it across the room to set it on the coffee table because it’s teetering and could very well end up all over the floor but alas, Kara makes it and begins to demolish the food in record time, a hint of superspeed definitely doing the trick in getting it down her before anyone else has managed to so much as make a sizable dent in their plates.
She’s up again and heading back to the leftovers ready to grab another plate when she’s stopped in her tracks by Alex. “Hey, make sure to leave enough for Kelly, she might not have an appetite the size of yours but she still deserves to have a good meal.”
“I know, I’ll be sure to leave her plenty of pizza but there are potstickers with my name on them.”
Nia sighs from the couch. “I wish I could eat like that but apparently my alien genes don’t give me the power of an epic metabolism. It’s so unfair, I want some of Kara’s alienness.”
Kara has zoned out, too busy piling her plate up again but turns back to the group when she hears her name being mentioned. “What was that?”
“We weren’t bullying you, don’t worry,” Alex answers. “We were just saying that you’re a lucky alien for your metabolism. I wish being a human would give us the power to eat whatever we want but the Kryptonians have to hog that power to themselves. Selfish.”
Lena starts chuckling along but stops abruptly when she takes in the look on Kara’s face. She’s smiling but there’s an emptiness to it she doesn’t think she’s ever seen so prevalent in Kara’s eyes before. She’s laughing but there’s no joy to the sound, just an undertone of something sad.
Then though, Kara is sitting back down and the conversation changes and with it, so does Kara’s mood. She’s smiling again, this time more genuinely but it’s not the same. Lena saw something, something she’s got to file away with what she saw in the fortress because once again she has no idea what to do with it except spend a few sleepless nights taking the scene apart and replaying it until she finds some sense in it.
-
Lena’s fingers dig into her scalp as her face scrunches up in a healthy mixture of annoyance and exhaustion. The piles of paperwork surrounding her feel very much like they are increasing in size by the second and every time she tries to look at a new bit of paperwork or another email, her eyes blur.
Her scalp stings from the sharp stabbing coming from her nails and she pulls her hands away. That’s a habit she’s been meaning to break but just never got around to. It only happens late at night when her work is too overwhelming for how truly tired and rundown she feels. By morning, once she’s had a good rest and is refreshed, she can barely remember the night before and the bad habit is forgotten.
She tries to look at her laptop to see the screen but her eyes blur so she rolls up her shirt sleeve to look at her watch instead. It’s well past midnight. Definitely time to call it a day and pray that sleep finds her easily.
There’s no way she can leave her desk as it is, that’s a surefire way to ensure that she’s overwhelmed from the second she arrives tomorrow. She needs to pack up a little, maybe organize the files so they make more sense as it could make or break her day tomorrow.
She lets out a sigh of complaint and stretches her arms out in front of her, pushing out as much tension as she can before she rolls her neck, wincing when it cracks in two separate points. Her tired eyes fall over the mess on the desk from this new angle and it doesn’t look any better than it did before.
Lena jumps right into it, moving the files into categories and shifting some of them off her desk, mostly the less important ones, so it isn’t so cluttered. In her process of organization, she has to open up some of the files to see exactly where she should stack them. A lot of them are making her wish that she hadn’t, she’s got so much work to do because of a lot of incompetent people.
One of the piles she’s created is just all the stuff she’s got to fix tomorrow because of screw-ups, specifically one guy with connections to a major board member who feels it’s appropriate to block new technologies being created in the research and development department. How does this idiot think this company is going to run if they never create anything new? She’s going to have an uphill battle reprimanding him too because the board member he’s the grandson of holds a lot of power. In fact, there’s a good chance she’s going to have to find a way to get that board member out of the company altogether because of this.
She’s not going to be sad to see him go but it’s going to be a lot of stress and arguing. She’s going to have to hold a meeting with the board that is going to last far too long and she’s going to have to endure a bunch of stupid, rich people that don’t actually have a clue about how to run the company talking down at her like she’s only got half a brain cell.
That’s going to be fun and it’s totally not going to drain her very will to live.
Her head falls into her hands when she finishes up and sees the pile she’s got to tackle in the morning. There’s a lot more to fix than she thought and it could have all been avoided if this guy actually did his job properly instead of trying to sabotage the company. Actually, that’s a good point, why is he trying to sabotage the company?
“What are you trying to do?” Lena murmurs, sitting back down and going through the employee files in search of him to figure out why he, and probably his grandfather, are trying to stop the company from focusing on new projects.
She comes up empty from the initial searches but when she decides to look into the projects he’s been approving or pushing to be approved, she gets her answer. He wants to make weapons again, specifically, the weapons Lex was pushing when he was running the company.
Lex’s fucking cronies are at it again.
Her nails travel back up to her scalp and she puts enough pressure into the clawing that she makes herself wince but that’s not what her focus is on. Her focus is on the fact that no matter how much good she does and no matter how hard she tries, she’s never going to be able to be free of her psychopathic brother. God, she has to get out of here.  
She grabs her purse and shoves her phone into it before making a beeline for the door. This is a problem for tomorrow for sure, she can’t cope with it any more today. She needs to leave because while organizing is great for her workday tomorrow, it’s ruining her mental health today.
As Lena waits for the elevator to take her down, she pulls her phone back out of her purse and debates whether or not it would be too inconsiderate to call Kara at this hour. It’s pretty likely that she’s already asleep, she does have work tomorrow after all, and everyone is stupid enough to deprive themselves of their full eight hours the way she does most days.
Ultimately, she decides it’s not a good idea. As much as she would love to hear her voice and let herself be distracted by her soothing tones, it would be selfish to do that and it would make her want to go over there purely to be on the receiving end of one of Kara’s hugs. They’re magical, both soft and firm at the same time, like hugging a teddy bear that is as protective as a guard dog. She never feels safer than the moments when Kara hugs her.
The parking garage is almost empty, just a few cars over on the far side that belong to the late-night security guards and her fancy Mercedes off on the other side. Usually, she would just call her driver but she always feels guilty having him on call when she knows she’s going to be in the office late.
She clambers into the driver’s seat and sets off toward home, her eyes heavy and her movements sluggish. It reminds her of the time she saw an article detailing how it’s more dangerous to drive when you’re tired than when you’re drunk and feels a little guilty but there’s not a chance in hell she’s going to wake up Frank, her driver, just because she’s feeling a little dozy. She’ll drive as carefully as possible and keep her fingers crossed. There aren’t many cars out at this time of night anyway and it’s a pretty simple drive.
She gets to the exit of the parking garage and looks both ways but stops despite the lack of traffic. She should turn right to go to her penthouse. If she turns left though, she can go to Kara’s loft.
A while ago, back when she found out about Kara’s alter ego, Kara gave her a key to her apartment. She told her she can go there whenever she wants, she’s always welcome, even if she’s just stopping by for the sake of it. She would have given her a key long before she did if she had been brave enough to reveal her secret, but she was too afraid that Lena would have figured it out on her own otherwise.
She’s only used the key a couple of times and always with a purpose. Usually dropping something off, picking something up, or waiting for Kara to come home so they could go out somewhere. She’s never just dropped by for the sake of it, yet tonight she’s considering it. Even just being in Kara’s space tonight sounds exactly like what she needs to calm her nerves from the shitstorm brewing tomorrow at work. Even if she gets there and Kara is asleep, she’s fallen asleep on Kara’s couch before and it was pretty comfortable, she can sleep there and leave in the morning before Kara even wakes up. Plus, she can get Kara some coffee brewing as a thanks, even if she won’t know that she’s helped her out.
No, she can’t just let herself into Kara’s apartment like that. That would be creepy.
But Kara did offer.
Screw it, she needs this tonight. She’ll feel guilty about it tomorrow but just for one night, she’s going to do this and allow herself the opportunity to have a good night’s rest feeling safe and secure.
She turns left.
It only takes her half the time to get to Kara’s place from L-Corp than usual because the roads are practically empty. Lena’s glad because with every turn she makes, she’s already losing the stress of the day on the road behind her, Kara’s pull bringing her in.
With shaky fingers, she rifles through her keys and picks out the one to Kara’s apartment, smiling at the little heart keychain that has a little smiley face on it. It’s all very Kara. As quietly as she can, she slides it into the lock and opens the door, doing her best to keep the noise levels down so she doesn’t alert Kara to her presence and wake her up.
The door clicks shut behind her and she winces, afraid that she’s going to wake up Kara. However, when she turns around to make her way to the couch to set up camp for the night, she realizes that she wouldn’t have woken her because she’s already awake.
Kara is sitting on the floor, legs crossed and a flickering candle in front of her. Her eyes are closed and her head is ducked but Lena knows she’s not sleeping because her lips are moving. She’s murmuring to herself, the words foreign and indistinguishable.
It brings her back to the memory of her walking in on Kara at the fortress, except this time she can see what Kara is doing clear as day. She’s doing some kind of meditation, Kryptonian meditation.
Lena carefully pulls her heels off, sets them beside the overflowing shoe rack, and leaves her purse on one of the chairs beside the kitchen table. She wanders slowly towards Kara, her face lit up by the candle, the only light in the room. She looks beautiful but there’s something bothering her, a crinkle between her eyebrows that gives away as much and her lips are turned down as she talks as if she’s trying not to cry.
The light shows off the sharp curve of her jaw and the line of her nose. All Lena wants to do is stare. Her eyes flit over every part of Kara that is illuminated and the light golden shine of Kara’s hair might just beat out the blue of Kara’s eyes as her new favourite. Though she’s sure it wouldn’t come close if Kara had her eyes open so she could see them in this light.
She keeps moving closer, her eyes never leaving Kara’s form, her brain struggling to comprehend anything other than how beautiful she is. It’s times like this when she isn’t even mad about her ongoing feelings for Kara. She truly never stood a chance. Her heart hopped right out of her chest and into Kara’s hand from the first time they met. And honestly, Lena’s not mad about it at this point because having Kara in her life, even if she’s doomed to stay single and pine for the rest of eternity, is worth it.
A floorboard creaks beneath her foot on one step and Kara’s head whips up so quickly that it makes Lena jump and stumble back. Kara just barely catches her as she trips and starts tumbling to the floor.
“You scared me,” Kara whispers, setting Lena back on her feet but keeping her close so she can pull her into the hug Lena’s desperate for.
“Sorry. I just…” Lena ponders lying but when Kara is looking at her with imploring blue eyes, she can’t. “I just wanted to be here.”
Her honesty is rewarded with a tiny smile and a faint pink glow to her cheeks, one Lena can only just make out in the dim light. “I’m glad you came then.”
“Me too.” Lena breathes, holding onto Kara tightly and taking everything she needs from the hug. She prays that she’s giving Kara just as much comfort because from what she saw, she’s not the only one with struggles. She just wishes Kara would open up to her about them. “Can we turn on a light?”
Kara squeezes her tighter. “In a minute. You’re warm.”
Lena sinks into the embrace even deeper, leaning completely into Kara and not caring that she’s setting so much of her weight into her. If anyone is going to catch her, it’s her Kryptonian best friend and she wouldn’t have it any other way, not when it feels like this.
“Bad day at work?” Kara mumbles into her hair after a minute.
“Terrible,” Lena replies. “What about you? Bad day at the office or at the DEO?”
“Both.” Kara mumbles. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”
Lena almost had her there, almost got her to open up. The floodgates are always so firmly sealed that Lena’s kind of shocked she even got Kara to admit to being upset but she’ll take it. “Me neither. I just want to sleep, can I stay?”
Kara nods. “Always.”
When they finally part, Kara vanishes from in front of her with a burst of super speed. By the time Lena blinks away her confusion the candle is nowhere in sight, a lamp has been turned on and Kara is standing beside her with a spare set of pyjamas in hand, held out in offering.
-
“Why not?”
Lena folds her arms across her chest. “If you think I’m going to let you fly me into the children’s hospital and make a spectacle of both of us because you’re too impatient to travel by car like every other person on this planet, you’re sadly incorrect.”
Kara deploys a pout she thinks will have enough power to crumble Lena’s resolve. “But we will be able to spend more time with the kids if I fly us there. Don’t you want to make the kids' day?”
“It’s because you know there’s going to be cake there since you heard me on the phone with the caterer the other day. Don’t pretend this is for the children. Sit down, we’re waiting for Frank and he’s driving us there whether you like it or not.” Lena puts on her CEO voice, the one she usually reserves for the boardroom, and raises a single commanding eyebrow at Kara.
It’s a relatively new thing, her using that persona with Kara, but it’s immensely effective at getting Kara to do what she’s told, a fact that Lena is being especially careful not to take advantage of. It’s really cute though, the fact that all she has to do is be a little commanding and Kara gives in. The mighty Girl of Steel gives in just because she’s being bossy.
Kara makes her way over to the couch following Lena’s demand and pulls her cape to one side before lowering herself down. She sets the material across her lap so her fingers have something to fiddle with while she waits.
Lena holds back a smile and joins her after double-checking that she has everything she needs to take to the hospital. Kara tilts her body towards Lena when she sits beside her and Lena finds her fingers reaching out for the cape to pinch the edge of it, running the pads of her fingers over the stitching. “I don’t think he’ll be long.”
“Ok,” Kara simply answers, still gazing at her softly. “I can’t wait to see all of the kids, they’re always super sweet.”
“I know, I’ve heard they’re already clamouring to see their favourite superhero in action but I have to admit something.” Lena takes a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted to bring Kara along under false pretences but she really needs her help. That being said, she doesn’t want Kara to get there and be blindsided.
Kara’s eyebrows scrunch together. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t just ask you to come along because the kids want to meet Supergirl, although that is also true, they can’t wait to meet you. I asked you to come along because we’ve just had our first round of aliens come into the hospital as staff and some of the kids are struggling to adapt to it, they are scared or nervous. I don’t know, just not comfortable. I was hoping that maybe by making the comparison between the staff and Supergirl, they could overcome it slightly. I don’t want it to get bad enough that I’m forced to only have human staff because the aliens are great at their jobs. Trust just needs to be built.”
Kara’s expression doesn’t change throughout her explanation and it takes her a moment to speak. It makes Lena nervous, watching Kara as she watches her. Letting Kara think everything through is her best chance at Kara still coming to the hospital willingly rather than just to keep the kids happy. Kara won’t back out now because she doesn’t want to disappoint them.
“I get that. I would have appreciated more of a heads up but I get it. Why didn’t you just ask me though?” Kara is more confused than mad.
Lena’s fingers continue scraping their way along the seam of the cape, her gaze dropping down to watch them travel along the material. “You’ve always stayed away from anything too political if possible, I wasn’t sure if you would put this in that category and want to sit it out.”
She winces when Kara makes a squeaky sound with her lips as she sucks on her teeth. “That’s dumb. I do try to stay out of politics but this is different. This means the jobs of a lot of well-deserving aliens and the care of kids. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You didn’t have to try and trick me into it.” 
“I’m sorry.” Lena chances a glance up towards her face, darting her eyes away sharply when she locks eyes with Kara for the briefest of moments. 
Kara’s fingers play with the edge of her cape as well, but seeing the way Lena looks away so quickly and the shame spreading across her face instantly, she drops it to cover Lena’s hand with hers. “I forgive you, just please don’t do it again.” 
Lena’s teeth find her bottom lip. “Do you really or are you just saying that to be nice?” 
“We’ve gotten past the part of our relationship where I forgive you just to be nice. I have no issues telling you when you’re being mean or when you’re crossing a line. This is something forgivable. Next time, it won’t be. We live and we learn. Are you planning on doing it again?” 
“Well…no,” Lena responds sheepishly.
“Cool, then stop pouting, that’s my forte.” Kara nudges her with a shoulder, sending her off balance. The movement tears her hands away from Kara and her cape, making it impossible to catch herself on the couch.
“Are you sure?”
“Are you dramatic?” Kara counters.
Lena folds her arms, her eyes shifting to one side out of annoyance. “I resent that.”
“I’m sure you do.” Kara nudges her knee against Lena’s and splays her cape across them both more evenly.
Now accepting that she’s been forgiven and has gotten a pass she hadn’t been expecting, Lena takes advantage of the cleared air to rest her head against Kara’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you with those kids, they’re always so happy to see you.”
“That’s because every kid wants to be a hero. Every kid wants to grow up to save the world, the cape proves to them they can.” Kara explains, ridding herself of the pressure of being the guest of honour at the hospital. She flaps the edge of the cape up at Lena. “You could just take this with you and they’d be happy.”
Lena shakes her head against Kara’s shoulder, the material of her suit a little scratchy against her skin. “I don’t think you realize how truly loved you are.”
Kara scoffs. “I think you need to see the hypocrisy in that statement.”
“Hey, I’m working on my issues, just ask my therapist. I don’t see you going to therapy.” Lena digs a sharp finger into Kara’s side, making her squirm in response.
“Yeah because that would work.” Kara sarcastically replies. “Hi, I’m here to fix my mental health, please help me forget the image of my entire planet exploding. Please and thank you. Oh, and I also fight bad guys as a side gig which often leads to me getting my ass kicked or almost dying. Do you think that’s healthy? What do you mean it isn’t?”
The entire time Kara runs through her imaginary conversation with a hypothetical therapist Lena gets a sinking feeling in her chest. “Kara, a therapist isn’t just someone to help you forget the bad shit in your life. It’s someone to help you work through it.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to work through the death of an entire species, Lena.” Kara answers back sharply.
Before Lena can answer back and try to reassure Kara that she didn’t mean it in that way, Kara is standing up, jolting Lena in the process and stalking away with an excuse of using the bathroom before they go.
Now that Kara has gone, her lap is cold from the lack of a warm cape and her chest is tight. Kara advocated for her to see a therapist when she was first deciding but when it comes to looking after herself she’s completely unwilling to tolerate the conversation. It’s not the first or last time Kara will put her own well-being on the back burner but this feels like more than that. Kara has some serious trauma and she’s not willing to touch on it more than vague comments here and there. Lena doesn’t know how to help her when Kara doesn’t want help.
Not knowing what else to do, she checks her phone and figures that Frank will be there to pick them up very soon. They might as well head downstairs to wait for him. Lena leaves her office, closing the door softly behind her and giving a tight-lipped smile to Jess. “Is she in the bathroom down the hall?”
“Ms Danvers headed toward the one on the other side of the floor. She looked upset.”
“She is. I’m going to go check on her and then we’re heading out. You’re free to leave and take the rest of the day to yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jess shakes her head. “That’s not necessary, Ms Luthor. I can keep working without you here.”
“You work just as hard as I do, have a rest and come back tomorrow with those stress lines on your forehead gone.”
Jess’ hand shoots up to her head. “I don’t have—” She sees Lena’s smirk. “I’ll go.”
“Good, enjoy the rest of your day,” Lena says, already walking away down the hall to the other bathroom to check on Kara. Talking with Jess helped ease her worry about Kara but it hasn’t dissipated completely.
Coming up to the bathroom door, Lena slows and takes a deep breath before pushing her way inside. “Kara? Are you in here?”
“I’ll be just a minute,” Kara calls out from inside one of the cubicles.
“Are you ok?”
A second of silence follows the question before a sniffle can be heard. “Fine. I’ll be out in a second.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Kara answers, her voice wobbly.
Lena leans back against the sink and waits for Kara to come out. When Kara does, she aims right for the sink to wash her hands whilst refusing to make eye contact with Lena. However, Lena won’t let it go unaddressed. “Kara, what happened back in my office?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just go and see those kids, ok?”
“Kara—”
“I’m fine, I promise.”
She doesn’t believe her and Kara knows it but now isn’t the time. Frank will be here any second and they have a pretty important day ahead of them. “Ok. Are you ready to go? I was thinking that we could move downstairs to wait.”
“Sounds good.” Kara meets her eyes in the mirror and offers a strained smile.
-
Lena watches from across the ward as Kara is swarmed by kids, all of them scrambling to get to her as fast as they can and tugging at her cape when she’s in arm’s reach. She has to give it to the woman, if she were the one being used as a jungle gym, she wouldn’t be grinning like a madwoman the way Kara is.
She didn’t dare bring up what happened in the office while they were on their way. Instead, she opted for small talk and generally observed how Kara mentally pumped herself up. It was a sight Lena had never been privy to before; one where Kara sits with her eyes clamped shut for a solemn moment, her lips pressed tightly together in a stiff line, and her eyebrows furrowed before slowly, as they got closer to their destination, her entire face eased. Her lips parted into a gentle smile, her eyebrows lifted and her eyes opened to reveal glistening blue irises hiding all the pain Kara has endured throughout her life. 
A part of her is jealous that she doesn’t get as much attention as Kara does. It’s a short-lived feeling when Kara occasionally turns her head towards her to show off a dopey grin usually followed by a jaunty wave. She has the attention she craves from those interactions; she doesn’t need it from anyone else. 
For the most part, Lena ends up talking with the hospital staff and management to get feedback on the facility and to see how she can improve the place going forward. However, the issue of treatment resistance keeps popping up when the alien doctors are the ones working. The kids just don’t trust them. 
Lena looks up when she hears Kara gently ushering the kids back to their rooms. It’s clear she’s getting worried about them worsening their conditions because they’re pushing themselves too much for a chance to be close to her. She’s especially worried about the kids who keep trying to climb onto her since most of them have IVs. She certainly doesn’t want them to get snagged or caught on anything. 
“Go back to your cubicles and rooms, I’ll make sure to come and speak to all of you before I have to go.” Supergirl’s powerful yet calming tone gets them all moving, their jaws still dropped in awe at seeing their city’s official hero and unofficial mascot in person. 
Kara strides her way over after the last child has returned to the safety of their hospital bed. Lena greets her with a smile. “Hey, you looked busy over there.” 
“I was five seconds away from being a permanent climbing frame for those little guys.” Kara jokes. “I think I got them to trust me enough that we can talk to them about the alien doctors now. I thought about speaking to them privately or in small groups.”
“I think they already trust you, Supergirl.” 
“Well…yeah, but I want to just reaffirm that I’m a person, not just a flying, world-saving superhero. I think getting them to see that each alien is a person too will help us immensely in our plight.” Kara’s hands naturally fall to her hips as they always do when she’s in her Supergirl outfit, the cape bringing her confidence she hardly manages to find when she’s dressed as just Kara. 
Lena’s hand reaches out to rest on her arm but she catches herself. She can’t do that in public, rumours form way too easily. Her hand taps Kara’s arm lightly before dropping back down to her side awkwardly. The embarrassment lights up Lena’s cheeks in a pale pink that Kara has complimented when she’s seen it in the past. 
She feels awkward and doesn’t know what to do with her hands now. With an ungraceful motion, she brushes back a non-existent hair that doesn’t exist since she has it slicked back into her signature CEO ponytail. 
“Ok, yeah, sure, that makes sense.” She rattles off. “Um... shall we start talking with them?” 
Kara nods. “Yeah, are you ok though? You seem nervous.” 
Lena shrugs noncommittally. “This is an important message to get across. I’m a little apprehensive, to be honest.” 
“Understandably.” Kara soothes her worries, taking her words at face value. In reality, Lena is more concerned about what happened in her office earlier. With that outburst to add to her list, Lena is finally getting a general idea about why Kara has been acting strangely. She can see that it all relates back to her life on Krypton. She fears she will never get enough detail on it to be able to help in any lasting way because of how closed off Kara is about her previous life. Understandably, she has some very large, very raw wounds about Krypton but Lena’s sure something has happened recently to trigger this. Surely she would have noticed something before now, right? 
Lena clears her throat. “Let’s go.” 
They go to a ward first, one that holds four patients. A nurse, a human one, opens all of the curtains so they can speak to all four kids at once. They all look to be between ten and fourteen so they have to try and cater their speech to them.
The nurse stays inside the ward. An alien doctor joins him and stands at his side, her purple splodged skin and six-fingered hands on full display.  Kara nods to the pair and starts speaking. “Hey, guys.”
She receives a bunch of greetings in response, all of them managing to at least squeak out an excited ‘hi’ to their favourite superhero.
“I came here to see you for a couple of reasons today. One is just because I like hanging out with you guys, you’re all kind of awesome.” She says with a dorky smile. “The second reason is to see how you’re all feeling about some of the new additions here at Luthor Family Children’s Hospital.” She gestures to the nurses at the edge of the room, not picking either out.  
None of the kids offer up an answer to her gentle inquiry, their gazes fixed on their hands and blankets.
“Come on guys, nobody is going to get mad at you for telling us how you feel. I already have an idea of what you’ve been feeling anyway. Nobody in this place is very good at hiding it.” She keeps a smile on her face even though her heart is aching for the new doctors and nurses that are just trying to help and fit in after moving to a planet that isn’t ready to accept them.
The oldest kid takes it upon himself to speak for the four of them. “It’s weird.”
“Thanks for being honest.” Kara jumps on the opportunity to have an actual conversation. “Can you elaborate?”
He shrugs a little. “I don’t know. It’s just…” His eyes dart to the alien nurse before returning back to his fidgeting hands. “It’s weird.”
“Is it their looks that are making you feel nervous or is it because they are aliens?”
The kid looks terrified, obviously afraid he’s going to give Supergirl an answer she doesn’t want to hear. “I don’t know much about aliens.”
“So it’s the uncertainty that is making you nervous? You don’t know anything about them so you’re not sure what to expect?” Kara reads between the lines.
“I guess so.” He shrugs again.
Lena steps forward. “Perhaps some educational programs would be helpful. We could set up a system or a book perhaps that everyone could read to get to know a little about their doctors. I personally love learning about all of the cultures of each planet and the different ways species adapt to their planet’s natural environments.”
“It’s true, she questioned me for weeks about my planet and the differences in our bodies because I’m an alien.” Kara jumps in.
“That’s different.” He responds quickly before ducking his head again, well aware he just put his foot in his mouth.
Kara and Lena share a confused look before Lena turns to the boy. “How so?” She keeps her tone light in an attempt to genuinely understand.
All the other kids stay quiet, content to let the boy talk for them. “We know you. You protect the city.”
Kara tilts her head dramatically, her eyes finding the ceiling as her eyebrows furrow. It’s clear she’s thinking and the room is dead silent as everyone awaits her response.
“Do you think firefighters protect this city?”
“Of course.” The boy answers.
“And the police?”
“Yes.” He’s getting nervous, seeing where this is going.
“And doctors?”
“I guess so.”
Kara has made her point.  “So, if we’ve established that doctors protect this city, why don’t you believe that an alien doctor is protecting this city?”
“I guess they are.”
Kara’s fingers dig into her own hips as she sways to a beat nobody else in the room is privy to. “I think that there’s a lot of apprehension towards the new doctors and that’s ok. You’re allowed to take some time to get used to it. It is a big change for a lot of people and we want to make that change easier on everyone. Aliens are becoming a larger part of our society. There is an influx of new immigrants every day. Fortunately, Earth is kind enough to allow them to seek refuge. This planet gave me a safe place to live when my planet couldn’t and the way I pay back the kindness is by helping. The new doctors are paying you back by helping too, they just do it in a different way. We’re all aliens working to make society a little better the only way we can.
“I know a lot of the times when you see aliens, it’s on the news doing bad stuff. Then you see me stopping them but what you don’t see is the vast number of aliens aren’t bad. We all come from different planets and backgrounds and cultures but we all have the same goal in mind; we want to make this planet as great as it can be.”
“Well said.” Lena places a hand on her shoulder.
“But you’re not an alien really.” The boy doesn’t hold his tongue. “You’re one of us. You look like us and you think like us. You’re only an alien because you can fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes, you’re basically a human otherwise though. You’re not like them.”
“Thomas.” The girl in the bed next to him hisses. She looks to be around 12 and is much more open to what Kara was trying to say.
Lena, seeing Kara reeling from the words spoken to her, words that hit her harder than any alien ever could, steps up to take over. “I think a bit more explaining is in order. “
Kara nods passively at her side as she steps forward, therefore, shielding Kara.
All eyes are on Lena now. “An alien is anyone that wasn’t born on Earth. Each species has its own culture and way of life. We have to find a balance between their cultures and ours. Sometimes, they overlap. One of the ways they overlap here is that they have doctors and so do we. They bring so much more knowledge than humans could ever have alone and they can heal people in ways we can’t. They are here to do that and we must show them the same love we give to human doctors because they are just here to help.”
Thomas looks a little chastised but not overly convinced. The other three kids are now curiously glancing over at the alien nurse, a little less apprehensive with the reassurance that she is here to help.
The girl in the bed closest to her holds out her hand and the nurse cautiously steps towards her and takes it. “I like your purpleness.”
“I like your pinkness.” The alien responds, making the girl giggle.
Lena watches the interaction closely. They aren’t about to win all of the kids over but some kids, they can and this is proof. Her lips quirk up into a smile and she turns to share the moment with Kara but finds her blankly staring at the wall.
“Supergirl?” Thomas calls out nervously.
Kara snaps out of it, her face returning to its regular happiness. “Yes?”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You’re ok. Sometimes all we need is a little hand in learning new things. Part of learning new things is making conclusions and testing them. You didn’t do anything wrong; you just need more research. I bet Ms Luthor can help you with that.”
Thomas looks between them, bobbing his head up and down in acceptance.
-
Lena feels guilty about leaving Kara out on her balcony but she previously cancelled the meeting with this shareholder three times and couldn’t make it four. It would set off alarm bells in the company that would take far too much work for her to make it worth blowing it off again.
Kara showed up right as she was about to head into the conference room and she can still envision the little sad puppy-dog pout she got on when Lena told her she couldn’t stay in the office.
To be fair, Kara took it like a champ and didn’t try to persuade her to stay. She just accepted it with a face of dissatisfaction and acceptance. It’s just a shame her dissatisfied face involves a pout that makes Lena want to rearrange her entire schedule just to make it go away.
She’s just finished the meeting, spending the entirety of it watching the ever-ticking clock out of the corner of her eye, and hurriedly rushes to her office, all too eager to get to Kara to enjoy a nice lunch together.
After what happened at the hospital, she hasn’t been able to reach Kara on a deeper level. The blonde keeps her guard way up at all times and changes the subject when the topic comes up. 
Following their first attempt at explaining to the kids how the alien doctors are just there to help in the same way the human ones are, Kara let Lena do most of the speaking, clearly affected by the young boy’s words that were spoken out of ignorance.
The interaction keeps replaying over and over in her head. Now that she’s a few days out from the conversation, she’s thought of literally thousands of things she could have said that would have been better and perhaps more impactful in the moment but there’s nothing she can do now.
They made a huge difference though, that much they can’t deny. A lot of the kids have made attempts to connect with the alien staff since their visit. They are getting daily progress reports of the improvements so at the very least, they have made some of the changes they set out to make.
Lena opens her office door distractedly. She’s clearly not paying attention to what she’s doing, too caught up in her thoughts about what happened at the hospital and Kara’s strange reactions to different scenarios in the past few weeks.
She snaps out of it when she gets to her desk and drops the files she was carrying on top of it. It takes her a second to get her bearings, a little confused about what she’s doing due to her lack of paying attention.
A frown makes its home on her face as she takes a look around the room, Kara nowhere in sight. She was certain that Kara said she’d wait here but maybe she got called away on Supergirl business. That’s certainly not something Lena can complain about. Kara wouldn’t be Kara if she didn’t help those in need after all.
With a heavy sigh, Lena falls back into her office chair and lets it rock from the momentum for a few seconds before doing a dramatic spin. As she spins, something blue and red catches her eye for a millisecond before it’s gone. She pushes off so hard she has to do a double take and half-spin to look back out at the balcony. Sitting there in all of her primary-coloured glory is Kara.
She’s sitting in a position Lena has seen her in before and her lips are forming words that are not known to the English language. They aren’t known to any language from Earth.
Lena watches in wonder as Kara allows her blonde hair to curtain her face as her head tilts forward. A soft breeze caresses through it periodically, a whisper in return to the words Kara is barely murmuring.
It truly feels like she’s watching something magical. It’s enchanting in a way she can’t describe. The pinch of Kara’s closed eyes is a locked door to the wonders and pain within that Lena longs to see but has been barred from ever encountering. The fingertips that rest atop the blue material stretched over Kara’s knees have turned white from the strength of their grasp, the only hint Lena feels she may ever get of the power of the feelings Kara endures day by day.
Lena just can’t stop looking. It feels like if she looks away, even for a moment, the moment will be broken and she’ll never get an opportunity like this again.
She blinks and the moment is gone, a breath in the wind.
Kara’s eyes open, her hands move from her knees and she floats her way onto her feet. She moves from the balcony, letting herself into the office and awkwardly scratching at the back of her head. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Lena croaks back, her throat dry, probably from having her mouth hanging open in her frozen, enamoured state.
Kara trills her lips together, creating a little vibrating buzzing sound. “Uh… how was your meeting?”
“It was ok. I tried to hurry so you wouldn’t be out here alone for too long. I actually thought that you might have shot off to rescue a cat out of a tree or something.”
“Not this time,” Kara answers, pulling out one of the chairs on the opposite side of Lena’s desk and taking a seat. “I was just…”
“Meditating?”
Kara hesitates, clearly not wanting to confirm what she was doing despite being fully aware that Lena saw her. “Yeah.” Her voice is small and Lena can’t help but imagine that’s how Kara sounded when she first arrived on Earth as a traumatized, orphaned twelve-year-old.
Lena’s tired of this though. She still has no idea what’s going on with Kara and at this point, it’s crystal clear that she’s not going to get any answers by just sitting around and watching from a distance. She only has one choice if she’s ever going to find out what’s going on in Kara’s mind and it’s a really risky option. It’s either going to reward her with all of the answers she’s been clamouring for or she’s going to continue to receive The Great Kryptonian Avoidance Technique, also known as Kara telling her there’s an emergency seconds before flying out of the window.
“Kara?”
“Yeah?” Kara asks, her voice quiet, seemingly foreseeing what’s coming.
“We need to talk about it.”
Kara looks down at the white desk and the thin layer of dust gathering across the surface. She focuses on that, distracting herself with the thought that Lena really needs to allow janitors in her office because she always forgets to dust and then complains when she gets allergies. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Lena shakes her head tiredly. “We both know that’s not true. I’ve been seeing hints of it for weeks, Kara. I don’t pretend to know what’s going on inside of your head and I know that I will likely never be able to understand the pain you feel every day but keeping that pain held so tightly it burns you from the inside isn’t healthy.”
“Lena, drop it.” It’s a demand. One filled with undertones of desperation and agony. It’s followed by a strained, “Please.”
“You know I’m not going to do that. I can’t.” Lena reaches across the desk to offer her upturned palm to Kara, something stable to hold onto if she decides to take down her walls brick by brick.
Kara’s head shakes and she pushes her chair back, the legs scraping against the carpeted floor harshly. “I’m sorry, I… there’s…I can’t.” Kara stands up and starts marching towards the balcony.
“Kara Zor-El Danvers, don’t you dare take another step.” Lena jumps to her feet and shouts her order at Kara’s back. “Don’t leave.”
Kara looks back over her shoulder, her face scrunched and her lips trembling. “Someone needs help.”
She leaves.
The Great Kryptonian Avoidance Technique won out. She’s gone. 
-
Lena’s phone vibrates beneath her thigh where it’s trapped under her leg as she sits on the couch. Her reaction is instantaneous. She snatches it up and checks it to see who the message is from and her shoulders droop in disappointment, it’s from the wrong Danvers sister.
Two more days of silence from Kara will mark three weeks with them not speaking and that’s the longest they’ve gone since they’ve been friends. Kara’s been completely avoiding her since she attempted to confront her in her office and now Lena’s left regretting that decision immensely, perhaps more than she’s ever regretted anything before. 
The worrying thing is that Alex hasn’t been able to get in touch with her either and neither have any of their other friends. Lena skipped out on the past two game nights when she found out Kara had already cancelled, so the loneliness is kicking in.
Alex has been a godsend though. She doesn’t have much detail about why Kara has started avoiding everyone, all she knows is that something went down between Kara and Lena. She hasn’t turned her back on Lena though and for that, Lena is grateful. She was expecting her to show up at her door with her gun raised for hurting her sister but instead, she’s sending her texts every morning telling her to have a good day and keeping her updated on her communication status with Kara.
Every update is the same though. Radio silence. Upon checking her most recent message from Alex, Lena learns that hasn’t changed. They know she’s physically fine, she’s still been showing up to work and helping people as Supergirl. However, she hasn’t been to the DEO and if anyone tries to approach her at her desk, she makes a swift exit and doesn’t go back until the coast is clear.
Lena’s been to Kara’s apartment four times already and every time she’s been, Kara either hasn’t been there or she’s pretended not to be. It’s frustrating and Lena’s getting tired of it but almost all of her frustration is drowned out by worry.
If their brush with the big conversation has told her anything, it’s that Kara is struggling in a major way and she needs help. How is she supposed to help when she hasn’t been able to get anywhere near Kara? Even if she does manage to get close to her, it’s not like she’s had much luck getting the truth out of her, so what is she meant to do?
Lena is a nervous wreck over the whole situation and she can’t let it go on much longer. Jess keeps sending her home early and when she tries to protest she makes a show of pointing out the stress lines across her forehead, which is both unprofessional and effective. She can barely focus on work when she is there and since she’s working on some very important new medical technology, she needs her head in the game. 
This technology could save lives and it can’t be put off because she’s too busy fending off a panic attack thinking about the chance of her best friend doing something stupid because she’s struggling. Kara has never been the best at handling her emotions and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s made silly mistakes in fights because she’s working through her feelings. She needs to fix this today.
That’s it. Lena pushes herself out of the comforting hold of her stupidly expensive couch. It usually makes her feel better when she’s sad, in no small part due to Kara’s constant insistence that she’s going to steal it one day because it’s so comfortable. Right now though, it doesn’t feel as comfy anymore, it feels suffocating and she needs to get out of its restricting grip.
Before she forgets, Lena responds to Alex with a simple thumbs-up emoji and moves on with her next task in mind.
Lena snatches her keys off the hook.
-
Lena hoped that she would come up with some idea of what to do by the time she got here but no dice. Now she’s just standing outside Kara’s apartment door in the same way she has done several times before, still no new plan on how to get Kara to answer the door.
She knocks softly at first but when it goes unanswered, her knocks get firmer. She knocks so hard that her knuckles begin to ache from the force of her hand against the wood and turn an alarming shade of red. 
No answer.
Ok, so Kara doesn’t want to open the door, Lena will do it herself. She has never used Kara’s key when she specifically knows Kara doesn’t want her there. She barely even uses it when she knows she does. Lena carefully picks Kara’s front door key out from her keyring and hesitates for only the briefest of moments before slotting it into the keyhole with a definitive push. This is for Kara’s own good and besides, it's not like Kara ever asks before showing up on her balcony.
Following a deep breath, she turns the key. It doesn’t unlock. Kara has the door deadbolted. Awesome, another problem for her to try and find a way around. Just what she needs. 
Lena’s never been one to describe herself as desperate but she’s willing to be anything to help Kara. After all the ways Kara has brought love into her life and the evenings spent reassuring her that she’s not only a good person but someone she should be proud to be, she owes it to her to stand up and drag her out of the darkness. To fight away all of the demons that haunt her dreams and nightmares alike.
She slams the side of her fist into the door thrice.
“Kara? I know you’re in there. Let me in!” Lena yells through the door.
The silence that follows doesn’t increase her worry, nor does it increase her annoyance. It only serves to exacerbate her panic. Her best friend is in more pain than she can comprehend and she has seen what happens to people when they can’t handle their pain. She will exhaust every option she can before she allows Kara to do anything that could take her away from her. Lena will never let her go, especially when she knows there’s something she can do to help, even if she’s not sure what that is just yet.
“Kara, I’m not leaving!” She whacks the door again, only stopping when a neighbour pokes his nosy head out into the hallway with a frown. He ducks back into his apartment when he finds himself on the receiving end of the classic Lena Luthor glare, the one that has been proven many a time to bring arrogant assholes to their knees.
“If you don’t answer then I’ll go and get some tools and take your door down! I promise I’m not bluffing.” She finishes her threat by pressing her ear to the door in an attempt to hear if there is any movement inside.
A tiny squeak from one of the floorboards gives Kara away and now that Lena has managed to confirm that Kara is inside, there’s no way she’s giving up now.
“Ok, I guess I better go get those tools then. If I find out you’ve left by the time I get inside then I’ll camp out in there for as long as I need to. You’ll have to come back at some point.”
Lena is much calmer now that she's confident Kara is inside. She never managed to get that confirmation the other times she showed up and from what Alex has told her, she never did either.
She steps away from the door, fully intending on heading back to her car. Her tools are all back at her apartment and L-Corp. Alternatively, there’s a hardware store five minutes up the road. Is she about to buy a bunch of tools she already owns so she can see Kara sooner? Yes, she is.
It doesn’t come to that though because a solid click reaches her ears just as she turns away. It’s followed by the rattling of the door as it’s just barely pulled open.
Lena has never turned her head so fast and for a moment she wonders if she might have just given herself whiplash. She didn’t think that the threat would work.
“Kara?”
Kara stares at her silently, her head held low and her lips turned down. She looks a far cry from her usual happy self and there’s only one thing Lena wants to do.
Kara doesn’t resist as Lena pushes the door further open, taking a step back so it has space and won’t get caught against her legs. Then, she’s pulled forward again, this time into Lena’s waiting arms.
She’s held so tightly that Kara is certain that even with her strength, there is no way she could break out of Lena’s hold, not even if the planet were at stake. 
“I’ve got you,” Lena whispers into her ear and Kara nuzzles her nose into Lena’s neck, the comforting scent of her perfume helping her muscles relax so she can sink further into the embrace. “Thank you for opening the door.”
Lena is grateful to have gotten this far but she is under no illusion that anything that follows this hug will be easy.
Lena pulls back slowly and finds that she almost has to peel Kara off her. It’s a fast transition, Kara not even opening the door to start with, to her being pressed so tightly to her front that it feels as though they are sharing every hollow breath they take.
First things first, she pushes the door shut with finality. She’s staying.
Lena takes in Kara’s appearance and the hardened line of her brows softens, her resolve to force Kara to talk weakening upon seeing the state Kara is in. She wouldn’t say that Kara looks a mess because she always looks beautiful but she doesn’t look great.
Honestly, Lena had no idea that Kara was capable of getting dark bags beneath her eyes and her skin is so pale that it makes her worry that she’s come down with something. She hasn’t seen anything on the news that would suggest a big enough fight that Kara would have blown out her powers but since she’s been so out of the loop for the last few days, she can’t know for sure.
“You look like crap.” She says, her mouth working before her brain can tell her that saying something like that to someone struggling might not be her brightest idea.
“Thanks.” Kara murmurs, her voice raspy, a clear sign she’s been crying. 
Lena reaches out and takes one of Kara’s hands between both of hers. “Have you solar flared?”
“No, not this time. I’m just…” Kara’s eyes drift down to her feet as she finds the right word. “I’m just drained.”
Accepting that answer, Lena guides her over to the couch. Drained is exactly how Kara looks and she’s pretty worried that she doesn’t have enough in the tank to talk about what’s going on. Her worry is that Kara is going to let whatever is eating at her consume her whole. 
“You do realize that we have to talk, don’t you?” Lena latches her gaze onto Kara’s, moving her head when Kara tries to look away to keep the eye contact, rebuilding her connection to Kara one step at a time. 
Kara just barely nods, her chin wobbling and her teeth gritted. She knows she can’t avoid this forever, she just wishes she could avoid it for a little longer. “Can I get water first?” 
“Yeah, sure.” Lena allows Kara to pull her hand free. It’s obvious that Kara’s thoughts aren’t actually on water, she’s just trying to buy herself some time. It’s less clear whether that’s because she’s trying to compose herself or she’s trying to buy more time, even if it’s just a few measly seconds. 
Kara’s hands shake as she reaches up into the cabinet to grab a glass. Attempting to quell her impatience, Lena tries to guess which glass she thinks Kara will pick since none of them match. She guesses wrong. Rather than a large, blue-tinted, bowl-shaped one she often chooses because it’s always at the front, she chooses a clear one, plain and regimented. A glass with no personality. 
Each movement Kara makes is tracked dutifully by Lena but the blonde doesn’t notice. She’s too caught up in her own thoughts, having already filled the glass and started mindlessly sipping, her expression completely vacant. 
Lena takes this as her moment. This is as calm as Kara is going to be and she thinks gentle reassurance is the answer to getting her to open up with less resistance. She pushes herself off the couch and moves slowly towards the kitchen, keeping her movements obvious. The last thing she wants to do is startle Kara.
“Kara, before I say anything else, I want to tell you that whatever it is you’re going through and whatever feelings you’re dealing with, it’s alright to feel weak. You are allowed to feel weak and feel whatever comes your way. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong and capable. Talking about what’s bothering you doesn’t make you weak. You are one of the strongest people I know.
“Earlier, I was thinking about something you told me once. You told me that on Krypton it was considered brave to express your fears, that hiding them serves no purpose. I think that’s something us humans could learn from your people and I’d like to start practising that myself. I feel that if anyone could show me how it’s done, my alien best friend who is the strongest person I know could provide a good example.” 
Kara scoffs. She gets why Lena is trying to come from that angle, an attempt to entice her into talking by incorporating Krypton into her speech. Lena’s smart enough to realize the feelings she’s hiding stem from her home planet. “Feeling weak isn’t the issue.” 
“No? Then why are you hiding? I can see that you’re protecting yourself from something but that protection isn’t doing its job, it’s suffocating you. I just want to help, Kara. You might be a mighty Kryptonian and have a whole bunch of powers that us delicate humans don’t, but I can still help. I can’t hear a raindrop from miles away or lift a car but I can listen and lift some of the weight from your chest.” 
Kara shakes her head, her lips tightening and her jaw clenching so tight it’s painful. “You really don’t get it.” 
“Get what? Tell me so I can understand.” Lena presses and goes to take a step closer to Kara but she’s out of reach and pacing through her kitchen before she can make any significant progress. 
“You don’t get it. I’m not an alien because of that.” The words are harsh, almost spat at Lena and coated in a thick layer of hatred. 
To her credit, Lena does try to make sense of the sentence, mentally dissecting it, flipping it, and studying it in as much detail as she can in the short space of time before Kara gives up on expressing herself. Unfortunately for her, her brain just can’t figure this one out. “What do you mean?” 
Kara’s lips wobble, a wet anger overtaking her as her eyes fill with unshed tears she stubbornly refuses to let slip. “You think I’m an alien because of what I can do. Everyone does. None of you understand.” 
Lena frowns so deeply her face aches, her mind buzzing away trying to fully understand the half-explanations she’s getting. “Kara, I–”
“You know what? It’s fine. You’ll never get it.” Kara throws her hands up, her pacing stopping so she can pick up her glass and take another sip. It’s the angriest sip Lena has ever seen and she’s seen herself in a mirror taking a drink after an eight-hour board meeting. 
“You’re right, I’ll never get it if you don’t explain it to me. Come on, I know you’re smarter than I am. In fact, you’re smarter than pretty much everyone on this planet, right? You were the youngest member to ever be accepted into the science guild. You told me that. You have to give me a minute to catch up.” 
For a fraction of a moment, it looks like Lena has slightly won Kara over. The glass isn’t released but it’s resting on top of the counter, Kara’s hand still surrounding it. It’s short-lived because Lena makes the misguided mistake of continuing. 
“You’re our smart, strong Kryptonian and you always know how to help us humans out when we need a hand. You use your strength to help when we need it, or your speed, or in cases like this, your intellect.” 
The glass flies across the room and lands in a shattered heap in the sink. “For fuck’s sake! You still don’t fucking get it!” Kara’s never raised her voice to her like this before. She’s practically screaming, her eyes held wide as though she’s prepared to turn her to dust at any moment. On top of that, she can’t remember the last time she’s ever heard Kara swear at someone. She’s sworn before, of course, but it’s always because she’s dropped something or knocked something over, not screaming at someone she loves in pure unadulterated rage. 
“Kara…” Lena trails off, frozen in place. She knows Kara would never hurt her but there’s something about the look of pure, barely restrained anger and having the knowledge that she would be dead in seconds if Kara lost control even for an instant. 
Kara sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes slamming closed and her palms covering them. Lena spots a faint glow lighting up the flesh and her breath stutters when it clicks in her head that Kara is firing her heat vision off on her own hands. That or it’s happening on its own and she’s attempting to protect Lena from it. She’d much prefer to believe the latter. 
The glow fades and Kara’s hands fall from her eyes, the palms singed black. “This is why you should have stayed away.” She snaps.
“I’m not leaving.” Lena states, clenching her hands into fists to stop the unwanted shake from being visible. 
“I’m not safe to be around.” 
“Perhaps, perhaps not. Either way, I’ve been in more dangerous situations and I’m going to stay until I understand, Kara. One way or another, I will understand and I will help you.”
Kara’s head shakes and tears finally fall. “You can’t help me, Lena.”
“Try me. Tell me what you meant when you said that you’re not an alien because of what you do.” 
Kara’s head drops forward, a violent sob wracking her body. “I can’t.” 
“Yes, you can.” Lena hurries forward, taking Kara’s burnt hands carefully into her own. She avoids touching the centre of each, afraid of hurting her. 
“I…Supergirl is…I don’t.” Kara attempts the start of her explanation a few times, her face scrunching up and her head shaking each time she rejects the explanations. 
Lena stays close, refusing to let her go, her thumbs caress Kara’s wrists carefully. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” 
Kara sniffs loudly. “I’m not an alien because I’m Supergirl.” 
“I know that, silly.” Lena tries to joke but Kara’s not laughing. 
“You don’t.” 
“Of course I do. You’re an alien because you’re a Kryptonian.”
Kara bites her lip hard enough that Lena winces at the sight. “I don’t get to be myself as an alien because of Supergirl. She’s not an alien. Not really.”
“I’m kind of following but I’ll need more of an explanation.” Lena admits. “Can we sit down and talk more?” 
Kara pulls her hands loose and cradles them to her chest. She starts pacing again. “I can’t sit. I have too much in my head. I can’t–” She loses her words and loses her temper again. She roughly combs her fingers through her messy golden locks and brutally digs them into her scalp.
“Hey, hey. You’re ok.” Lena holds her hands out in front of Kara, not touching her but making sure she’s close. “You have too much energy and too much to work through to calm down enough to sit, it’s ok. I’m not in a hurry, just think about what you want to say and speak when you have found the right words.”
She doesn’t get a verbal response but Kara’s hands stop clawing at her head and her pacing is less agitated. Lena assumes she’s getting through to her little by little. There is one thing that is abundantly clear though, Kara has been struggling with this for a lot longer than she realized and something tipped her over the edge.
Kara swallows down the lump in her throat. “When people think of me as an alien, they think of Supergirl. They think Supergirl is the alien in this scenario, but I disagree. I think Supergirl is as human as they come.” 
Lena’s face scrunches in confusion. “How so?” 
Kara shrugs, her anger starting to dissipate the more she shares. “She was born on Earth. Her powers are made from the Earth’s yellow sun. Supergirl can fly because of your sun and the optimal gravitational pull of this planet. Sure, physiology comes into play but Supergirl has never and would never have existed on Krypton.” 
A sudden dawning recognition hits Lena with the force of a freight train, her eyes widen and she lets out a soft gasp. “Right, because Krypton had the red sun, Rao. You didn’t experience any of that. You’re an alien because of your memories and experiences of Krypton, not the ones forced on you living beneath a yellow sun.” 
“My culture makes me an alien. My life on Krypton makes me an alien. The life I lost makes me an alien. Anything that’s happened on Earth? That makes me human and I’m not a human. I don’t feel human, but I have all of this humanity in me that just feels…wrong. I feel like a fraud, Lena. I’m living a lie and I don’t know how to cope with that.”
Lena wants to reach out so badly, to take Kara into her arms again and never let her go. “Do you feel like a fraud as Supergirl or Kara?” She’s almost afraid of the answer, one being significantly worse than the other.
“Both.” Kara’s lips wobble, her eyes close, and her chest heaves with a sob she won’t let escape.
“How can I help?”
Kara’s head shakes from side to side, the movement starts off slow but gets quicker until Lena can’t take it anymore. She walks right up to her and stops the motion with a hand on either side of her face. In response, Kara’s hands fly up to her wrists, but they don’t try to push her away. Her trembling fingertips rest gently against her skin, the shake of them vibrates the flesh because, in her attempt to keep her strength contained, her superspeed activates against her will.
It tickles and Lena has to suppress a smile despite herself. “I’ve got you.”
“I don’t think I can live like this, Lena. How can I live this way when I hate who I am?”
If Lena’s heart wasn’t broken before, it is now. In fact, it shatters into so many fractals that even a world-class jigsaw master couldn’t piece it back together again. “You—” Lena isn’t sure how to build off that. How is she meant to provide any level of meaningful comfort in the face of such a bold, gut-wrenching admission? “Kara…”
Kara sniffs loudly and turns away from her, leaving her standing with her arms held up in the place Kara’s face was. Lena takes a second to reanimate herself, her body slowed by the empathetic agony ravaging her brain.
Kara stalks around the loft before settling in the living room. She stands there for a second, her hands clenching and unclenching as she tries to make a decision that should be simple.  However, in her current state, it is the hardest she’s ever been faced with. Her eyes dart between the couch and the chairs several times. Lena notices. Of course she does, her eyes haven’t left Kara since she moved. She takes the decision out of Kara’s hands by meeting her in the living room and guiding her onto the couch with a gentle hand on her waist.
“There’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, Kara. I wish there was.” Lena says, her voice barely more than a whisper as she piles herself onto the couch beside Kara. She pulls her legs up beside her as she sits at an angle.
“I’ve spent so much time hiding who I am that I can’t remember which parts of me are real anymore. I do know that I’m not what everyone thinks I am, and that makes me so…mad.” Her teeth grit and her hands clench once more. She turns her head away from Lena, terrified that she’s going to scare her off and then she’ll truly be alone. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore.
Lena closes a hand over the clenched fist that is closest to her. “It’s ok to be angry.”
“I just…” Kara’s head drops down, her gaze settling on their joined hands. “I’ve been trying to figure out who I was and who I am, but I didn’t expect to feel so ashamed.”
“Ashamed of who you are or who you’ve become?”
“All of it,” Kara admits, finally looking up into the comforting green of Lena’s eyes. “I’ve been pushing my true, Kryptonian self aside for so long that it feels wrong to try and live authentically. It feels like I’m doing something dirty. I can’t just be Supergirl because she’s a whole other mess that I loathe. I love being able to help people, and the powers can be cool, but I want to feel normal again. I want to feel the same way I did as a kid when I got to wake up in the morning and my first thought wasn’t about being careful so my feet didn’t go through the floorboards. I want to feel that again.”
Lena goes to speak but Kara’s not done. Now that she’s started, she can’t stop.
“Supergirl is everything I thought I needed to be because of what happened to Krypton and what happened to me when I came to Earth. My parents sent me here to protect my cousin, but that wasn’t possible. Instead, I protect everyone. My powers, the ones I never asked for, make sure I can do that. It just fuels this need inside me to prove that my existence outside of Krypton isn’t worthless. That my carefully scripted future, the one torn away from me, means something. I was supposed to be one of the greatest scientists in the Andromeda galaxy. I wanted to be.”
“And what about Kara Danvers?” Lena asks, terrified to hear Kara shred that part of herself to pieces too.
“She’s a lie,” Kara matter-of-factly states.
“How so?”
Kara sighs, “She’s the person I created so I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life alone.”
“Why would you be alone?”
Kara looks at her like she’s just asked the dumbest question on Earth. “This planet doesn’t accept different.”
Lena can’t deny that. “Ok, carry on with your Kara Danvers explanation.”
Kara’s eyes roll as she remembers the point she was making and continues her explanation. “She is a big part of me, I can admit that, but fundamentally, we couldn’t be more different. The hard part is that I’ve spent so long pretending to be her that the mask is a reflex. I respond to situations and questions as her, but I can’t tell where she ends and the real me begins anymore.”
“You don’t think there’s an overlap? That you’re both part of Kara Zor-El?”
“I don’t know who I am. How am I meant to figure that out? What kind of pathetic person doesn’t even know who they are?”
“Hey.” Lena scolds. “I don’t care how upset you are or how much you’re struggling, nobody calls my best friend pathetic. You hear me?”
Kara nods dumbly, more to humour Lena than anything else. “Ok.”
“Good. Since you want to figure out who you are, we’ll do it together.”
“How?”
Lena shrugs. “I’m not exactly sure, but that’s ok. We can figure it out together. Maybe we can start by talking about the person you remember being back when you were on Krypton. If we figure out who you were then maybe we can figure out who you want to be now.”
Kara nods, but it’s apparent that she’s entirely uncertain. Not just about the method but also talking about Krypton. She lets little droplets of information out during conversations when she’s exceptionally relaxed or at ease, but usually only with Alex or Lena. Still, she never has a full-blown conversation with anyone about her past life. The thought alone brings the pain bubbling back to the surface, the fire that took Krypton melting her skin from the inside out.
Lena can sense her trepidation; it’s written all over her face. “We can take it as slow as you need. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
As though she doesn’t really believe her, the hand closest to Lena starts moving and searching until she finds the edge of Lena’s sweater. Her fingers hook into it and close tightly around the fabric. Lena looks down at the knuckles that have whitened with the pressure and briefly thinks that Kara might rip her sweater. Internally, she quickly reminds herself that her sweater is the last thing that matters right now.
Lena scoots closer to Kara so their legs touch and she wraps her arm around the back of the couch, her fingertips almost brushing Kara’s opposite shoulder. Within a few seconds, she subconsciously starts playing with strands of blonde hair and Kara fully leans into her, soaking in the pure comfort of Lena’s embrace.
“Tell me about Krypton, Kara.”
Those words are everything Kara has wanted to hear for years and also everything she doesn’t right now. The duality of it confuses her more than anything, she’s at war with herself and it’s one she can’t predict the outcome of.
“Please.” Lena rests her head against Kara’s.
A stuttering breath.
“Ok.”
“Were you a happy kid?” Lena asks.
It’s definitely not the question she is anticipating. She expected Lena to ask about science or technology, maybe a question or two about the school system or healthcare on Krypton, but this one? A question solely focused on her, not Krypton? It catches her off guard. This isn’t a selfish question, not at all. The fact that she thought so little of Lena, to think she would use this opportunity to quell her curious mind, makes her feel guilty.
“I was.” Kara nudges her head closer to Lena’s, readjusting to find the comfiest spot. “The happiest. I barely remember any time when I was really sad, more than just dumb kid stuff.”
“Like what?”
“When I was eight, I was playing with my Aunt Astra. I was chasing her and I tripped. My forehead smashed against a table in the living room and I knocked off some fancy decorative vase my mom had just bought. I felt so bad because my mom had been raving about that vase all week.”
Lena winces at the thought of a tiny eight-year-old Kara flying into a table face first, her little face quickly dampening with her tears. “Were you alright?”
“I was mostly ok. That’s how I got this scar on my forehead.” Kara places a finger atop her scar and turns her face to show Lena. “I guess the yellow sun doesn’t heal old wounds.”
“I guess not.” Lena frowns, trying to figure out the science of how that works.
“Anyway, my mom was more concerned with the blood pouring down my face, as any mother would, but even at that age, I could see how sad she was about the vase. I tried to pick up the pieces so I could fix it.”
Lena’s lips quirk up. “Let me guess, you cut yourself?”
“Oh, big time. Aunt Astra practically ripped my hand off pulling me away from the shards but it was too late, I cut the palm of my hand. It didn’t really scar since it was a shallow cut. It hurt like a bitch though. It was the first time I ever swore. It was also the first time my mom spanked me so hard I couldn’t sit down for at least an hour after.”
It’s unavoidable at that point, Lena can’t hold back her laughter. Her chest shakes and her free hand comes up to cover her mouth in a solid attempt to stifle her laughter. It doesn’t work well, and Kara ends up side-eyeing her for laughing. It only lasts for five seconds before she admits that it’s funny and starts smiling along to the melody of Lena’s giggles.
“Sorry.” Lena reduces her laughter down to nothing more than a smile. “It’s just funny to think of a baby you swearing and your mom setting you over her knee.”
Kara rolls her eyes at her. “Well, I never went over her knee. She just lifted me off the ground by my elbow with one hand and then took aim. One spank and it was over, but it was a good one.”
Lena just barely managed to hold in her laugh this time. “And what happened after that?”
“She hugged me and told me not to worry about the vase. My aunt and mom cleaned me up, got a bandage on my head and hand, then we carried on about the day like nothing happened. The next day though, my aunt came to pick me up and took me to this sculpting class held by the Art Guild. She helped me create a sculpture of a H’Raka. It’s sort of like a dragon with four wings, an animal native to Krypton. My uncle Jor-El actually had one that I rode once. It was incredible and I remember wishing that one day, I’d be able to fly every day. I guess my wish came true in a way. Now, I wish it hadn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Lena snuggles closer, her fingers still gently twisting Kara’s hair in loops.
“Don’t be. It’s not something anyone can control.” She clears her throat before getting back to the story. “So, we made the H’Raka sculpture and I gave it to my father. I remember being really frustrated because I couldn’t get the wings right, but he told me it was perfect, and I felt so proud. My mom told me it was the perfect thing to replace the vase and it was much better because it was made with love for my father. She never moved it. She used to rearrange that room every few months when she got bored but the sculpture? She never moved it.”
“They really loved you.” Lena brushes Kara’s hair back out of her face, revealing red blotchy skin from crying.
“I loved them.”
“So, you were a creative little perfectionist and obviously a daddy’s girl.” Lena deduces. “That’s something to build from.”
Kara smiles sadly. “I guess so.”
Lena nuzzles closer. “You’ve always been creative and I know that you still paint so that’s all you. That’s not something that you’ve done to fit in, that’s Kara Zor-El.”
Kara nods, her smile brightening. “I suppose it is.”
“There’s more of you still lingering than you think, Kara. You think you suppressed yourself when you came here and while that’s true to some extent, nobody can bury their true self indefinitely. The real you will always shine through. It’s time for you to find those pieces and reconnect with them, fully and truly.”
Kara bites the inside of her cheek. Self-doubt is already gnawing at her again. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“Live as your true self? Why not? Because you’re unsure you can find her again or because you can’t imagine allowing yourself to live authentically?” 
“I think it’s because it would be difficult to dredge up the parts of myself that I buried long ago. Plus the added pressure of fighting with everyone in my life telling me I’m being selfish and putting others in danger simply by being Kryptonian. By being who I really am, an actual alien and not a superpowered human.
Lena’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion, causing lines to form across her forehead. “Who would say that? Our friends only want the best for you and Alex is the most protective older sister on the planet. She’d never let anyone talk badly about you.”
“Alex is protective. That’s the point. She’s so overprotective that whenever I’ve tried to introduce a part of my culture into my life, she’s told me I’m being reckless. She’s constantly telling me that I need to ensure I’m not displaying any signs of my alien heritage because it might get someone hurt. I understand where she’s coming from, I do, but I need to have a connection to Krypton. I need to feel that tether back to my true self. I’m afraid if I don’t, if I continue to listen to others, I’ll lose myself forever. And that scares me the most.”
Lena knows Alex has always been a big advocate for Kara keeping her identity a secret, but she never realized that her protective nature is a large part of why Kara feels disconnected, lost. Thinking about it now though, she can see why it has affected her so deeply. Kara looks up to her big sister. She’s always relied on her for advice, so in Kara’s life, Alex’s word might as well be law.
“What are some of the ways you’ve tried to introduce your culture into your life? I think focusing on your culture and adding it back into your life is a great way to reconnect with yourself, to remember who you are.”
“You saw some of it.”
“The meditation?” Lena asks, her mind suddenly replaying all of the moments in the past few weeks. She thinks back to all of the times when Kara behaved strangely before darting off or suddenly changing the subject.
Kara nods. “Yeah. There’s that, and I am trying to do it regularly. I recite ancient Kryptonian meditation rituals meant to help strengthen the mind. I’ve also been making frequent trips to the Fortress of Solitude. I use a red sun emitter to recreate my physiology on Krypton so I can relax without my powers getting in the way.”
“If you’re only practicing the meditation and rituals at the Fortress, you’re not truly bridging your life and your culture. Do you think, even subconsciously, you’re restricting the meditation to that place in an attempt to hide what you’re doing?”
“Yeah. I think there’s a part of me that’s ashamed and that’s why I hide it. Maybe?” Kara’s voice is small as she admits it. She nervously bites her lip before finding Lena’s eyes. “It obviously didn’t work with you, huh? You found me anyway.”
Lena shifts so the hand hanging over the back of the couch rests directly over Kara’s shoulders. She pulls her in closer. “You know I’ll always find you. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’re hiding from or what you’re struggling with. You can’t keep me away for long.”
“Clearly.” Kara teases half-heartedly. “You threatened to take my door off like I’m a stroppy teenager grounded by an overly strict parent.”
Lena snickers, pressing her lips to Kara’s cheek without thinking too much of it. “Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of to get you to open it and I was getting worried. I am worried.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you.” Kara looks genuinely remorseful and presses herself ever closer to Lena, taking the comfort she craves as Lena willingly hands it over. “I didn’t want you seeing me like this. I was hoping to get my head straight before showing my face again.”
Lena sighs softly. “I think it’s high time you stop trying to handle everything on your own and let me share some of the weight you carry on your shoulders. I want to help, Kara. Please let me.”
“But—”
“No buts, I’m here and so are our friends. I’ll talk to Alex and get her to back off. She probably doesn’t realize the pain she’s caused you.” She pauses. “Besides, you deserve to explore your culture, to rediscover it again. And, if it’s ok with you, I want to explore it with you.”
“Really? You would really want to do that?”
“I would absolutely love to.” Lena confirms.
Kara ducks her head, her lips just barely curl into a smile and her cheeks flush red. “Thank you.”
“Always.”
Kara’s tongue darts out to wet her dry lips. “So, do you want to hear more about Krypton?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Lena nudges her with an affectionate smile on her face. The arm wrapped around Kara’s shoulders stops her from moving away. “I want to hear more about you, silly.”
“What do you want to know?”
The answer comes easily to Lena. “Anything you’re willing to share. Everything you’re willing to share. I want to know everything, and I want to help you piece together every part of yourself until you feel whole again.”
All at once, Kara realizes that the chaotic energy that is running amuck through her body has dissipated. Her overwhelming need to keep moving is gone, and the stiffness in her neck from the stress has loosened somewhat. All of this is from one conversation with Lena. It’s just the start, that much is evident, but a start she so desperately needs.
“Do you think I’ll ever just wake up and feel like I’m living my truth instead of a lie?” Kara asks, a crinkle forming between her eyebrows as she awaits Lena’s answer.
“I don’t think that’s something anyone can promise, but I can promise that whatever you feel or whoever you are, I am with you. You’re a mixture of three people right now, and you might not know how to navigate your way through it, but I know who you are, Kara. I think I’ve always loved the person you are, even when you didn’t. I see you clear as day, and I love who I see.”
“You do?” Kara’s heart pounds and her breath catches in her throat. She thinks those words might be the most unexpected thing Lena has said all day.
It’s not something Lena set out to admit today, or ever for that matter, but taking it back would only cause Kara more pain. If putting her own heart on the line spares Kara some pain, she’s willing to do it. “I do.”
Kara looks nervous. It’s something Lena picks up on with no difficulty. The fingers still entwined with her sweater push through the material. Kara still maintains her grip beneath the gentle, blanketing weight of Lena’s hand. A thin layer of sweat forms between them but neither wants to move nor pay it any mind.
“You don’t have to say it back or feel any obligation to return my feelings. I need you to know you are still as loved and accepted as you were before you came to Earth. You have at least one person that looks at you like you’re the brightest star in the sky, someone that sees you for exactly who you are, Kara. Even when you don’t see it yourself.”
“Why?” The word comes out in a broken crack. The disbelief in Kara’s voice is a vice crushing Lena’s ribs, making it hard for her to breathe.
Lena adjusts, her arm unwraps from Kara’s shoulders, the hand covering Kara’s moves so she can shift, and she looks directly into Kara’s eyes. Her hands cup Kara’s face with a delicacy that Kara hasn’t experienced since she felt those first beating rays of the warm yellow sun that makes her practically invincible. Now, it makes her feel like that tender touch is all that is keeping her from shattering into a million pieces.
“How could I not?” Lena whispers. “You’re my everything.”
“I’m not. I don’t even know—”
Lena’s thumb cuts her off as it rests across her lips. “No. You don’t have everything worked out, and you’re only beginning your journey of figuring yourself out, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see your beauty. It doesn’t mean I can’t look at you and see you for exactly who you are. My Kara. My alien from Krypton. A woman who is a little bruised but not as broken as she thinks. My best friend, someone that I will never leave to face the journey alone, I promise.”
Kara’s lips wobble beneath Lena’s thumb, the warm skin has moved from pressing to stroking over her bottom lip in precise strokes, only exacerbating the desire to do one thing.
She leans in and presses her lips to Lena’s. It’s needy and desperate. Lena is her life raft in the middle of a raging ocean. The waves tower twenty feet overhead and crash down on her but Lena braves the storm and keeps her afloat.
Lena pushes her back slightly as they break away from the lingering kiss to breathe. “I need you to be sure, Kara. I love you and I will be by your side no matter what, but don’t do this if you don’t mean it.”
“I mean it.”
Kara presses back in and this time, there’s no resistance. Her hands, still cupping Kara’s face, start to stray. One entangles in messy blonde hair and the other stokes at a damp cheek, wiping away tears as they come and making a promise to do so forevermore if that’s what it takes.
Kara separates their lips just enough to murmur words that make Lena feel like the luckiest woman walking the Earth. “I love you too. I may not know much right now, but I know that and I’ve known it for a while.”
There’s a brief attempt for another kiss but it’s impossible around the smiles they’re now sporting. Smiles more genuine than any that have ever graced their faces before. Lena leans back to take in the moment, to fully commit Kara to her memory. The tears do nothing to dampen the happiness of the moment. Tears Lena is well aware will make their way down her face.
Kara sucks in a deep breath, attempting to calm the hummingbird flutter of her heart. “So, where do we go from here?”
“We do exactly what we already said we would.” Lena answers in a low murmur. “We will explore the things you need to do so you can live your life as your most authentic self, and we keep doing it until you look in the mirror and see what I see. We keep going until you can’t take your eyes off yourself because you truly love what you see. Every time you look, I want you to find something about yourself that you thought was lost forever. I want you to stare and search for that certain something that will catch your eye and make you realize something even more profoundly and perfectly, Kara.”
“And what about you?”
“I’ll be here every step of the way.” Lena leans up to press a chaste kiss to Kara’s forehead, avoiding the dampened cheeks, tears glistening against tan skin. “I’ll be here on the days when the first thing you think about is being careful not to put your feet through the floor, and I’ll be here on the days when you rediscover something new to love about yourself. It’s going to be a slow process. You won’t find yourself overnight and you won’t find the peace you seek without a long slog through your trauma, but I’ll still be here. Every step, every fall, every triumph, Kara. I’ll be here.”
Kara’s sobs break the intensity in the air from Lena’s speech. She topples forward and buries herself into Lena’s chest, her head falls beneath Lena’s chin and her hands scramble for fresh purchase in the back of her sweater, balancing the holes she already created in the front. “You’ll really wait for me to do all of that?”
“I’m not waiting for anything, darling. Whether you’re struggling or thriving, happy or sad, angry or loving, I’m here and I’m ecstatic you’re letting me be. You give me so much more than you realize, not just as Kara Danvers or Supergirl. Hell, not even as Kara Zor-El. You give me so much as the woman who shows up at my office to bring me food because you know I’ll work through lunch otherwise. You’re the woman that happily sat through hours of board game practice with me because I was nervous to meet your friends. You let me put all my anxiety into the actual games of game night because you knew that wasn’t what I was actually scared about. You’re the woman that shows up at my place with a bottle of wine and open arms when you know I’ve had a bad day. And you do it all just because you care.”
“That’s how I know I’m not waiting. I get to be with the kindest, most loving, nurturing woman, no matter what else is going on. Some parts of you show through no matter what mask you wear, and those are the parts I love the most. The parts that made me fall in love with you in the first place.”
Kara weeps into Lena’s chest and allows Lena to hold her so tightly that it feels like her handprints will be tattooed over her spine tomorrow. Lena does her best to hold back her own tears, but today’s emotional drain takes its toll. The pain she feels for Kara heavily outweighs the joy of knowing that Kara loves her back in ways she’s never spoken aloud.
Above all, the hope outweighs the pain.
Lena always sees Kara, but now she can see her more clearly. She’s been granted a peek into Kara’s soul. Her alien, Kryptonian soul.
A lesson has been learned today, an important one. Supergirl is not an alien. Supergirl is merely a vessel for humans to selfishly take the help Kara offers without acknowledging who she is, or rather, what she is.
Kara is a Kryptonian and Lena will help her rediscover what that means. Every part of it if that’s what Kara’s heart desires. She’s barely gotten Kara to scratch the surface of her life on Krypton, and tomorrow they will make another scratch. Every scratch will bring them closer to the answers they seek. It’s a shame that the deeper they scratch, the more Kara will bleed. Her pain is inevitable in the search for who she is, but Lena is here to hold her through it, to kiss it better when all is said and done. That’s her promise and she has no intention of ever breaking it. 
-
“It kind of feels full circle, doesn’t it?” Lena asks, smiling at the sparkling beauty around them.
“What do you mean?” Kara questions, the back of her hand brushing against Lena’s as they walk through the cold air swirling through The Fortress of Solitude.
Lena vaguely gestures around her. “Being here. This is the first glimpse I got into the actual alien you are, where I got to see a tiny snippet of your culture, and now here we are again. I see you so clearly. You’re sharing a part of yourself with me in the same place I first realized there is more of you to see.”
The words carve themselves deep into Kara’s soul. It’s everything she spent years longing to hear whilst simultaneously being everything she was once afraid of. Now though, it’s not something she’s fearful of but something she cherishes and embraces.  
“I’m glad you see me.” Kara’s smile is wide and bright, something that she hasn’t felt in a long time. 
“I’m glad you let me see you, and I’m honoured you feel safe enough to be so open with me.” Lena fully entwines her hands with Kara’s, annoyed by having her hand so close and yet so far. 
Kara’s fingers press lightly into the back of Lena’s hand in response, the gentle squeeze saying everything she can’t find the words to say aloud.
“Well, if you’re ready to see a little bit more of me, come right this way.” Kara smiles, pulling Lena with her as she veers off to the entrance of one of the many hallways of the fortress.
Lena’s eyes darken and her lips quirk up into a smirk. She has no issues following Kara’s lead through the unfamiliar space. After all, there’s probably a bedroom through here, right? Her eyes trace the soft curve of Kara’s backside, exposed thanks to Lena’s spare hand purposely holding the cape out of the way so it doesn’t obscure her view.
Kara feels the tugging on her cape as she rounds the corner and looks back, ready to unhook it from wherever it’s gotten stuck. She sighs dramatically when she sees it’s just Lena, but a twinkle in her eyes lets Lena know she secretly loves the attention.
Lena giggles to herself all the way down the hall. Her smile drops when she sees where Kara has taken her because there is no bed in sight, and that’s a real problem. “Wait, we’re not finding somewhere to…” Lena trails off and wiggles her eyebrows at Kara, who can only suppress a smile in return. The silly motion makes her want to bundle Lena up in her arms and head somewhere to fulfil her request.
“Maybe we can revisit that idea later if you’re good.” Kara teases, closing the door to give Lena a chance to properly take in her surroundings and let the disappointment from the lack of a bed settle.
“I’ll have you know that I’m always good.” Lena mumbles, her eyes tracing over several large closets. She touches the edge of one and it activates. A panel slides across and out of the way to reveal what’s inside. “I knew it would do that.” She claims, earning herself a laugh.
“Wow, two lies back-to-back. How did I get so lucky to end up with you?”
Lena’s head turns to her so fast that Kara wonders if she’s somehow absorbed some of her powers as she stumbles back from the force of the glare. “Hey! That’s mean.”
“Woah.” Kara’s eyes widen as she takes in the sharp look Lena’s sending her way. “Ok, so that’s how I will end up on the couch. Got it.”
Lena can’t hold the look for long, Kara’s shocked expression breaking her out of her charade. Her face softens, and a triumphant grin replaces the harsh lines of the patented glare. She raises a finger to Kara’s face. “Be nice to me.”
“Wait, weren’t you the one lying?”
“That holds no bearing on this conversation.” Lena dismisses with a wave of her hand, refocusing on the closet.
Kara is left standing behind her with a lasting case of whiplash, wondering what just happened. She’s sure that argument was hers to win, but somehow Lena came out on top. Something tells her that’s going to be a staple in their relationship. Something else tells her that she doesn’t mind at all and she’s grateful she’s the one in a relationship with her.
Moving closer to Lena, Kara wraps her arms around her waist from behind and rests her chin on her shoulder. “These are all Kryptonian clothes. I had Kelex recreate them a few weeks ago when I first started meditating again. I figured they might make me feel closer to home but I struggled with the thought of wearing them. I think that there’s a better chance of me finding the courage to do so if you wear them with me.”
Lena turns in Kara’s arms, meeting her eyes. “You want me to wear Kryptonian clothes with you?”
There’s a vulnerability lurking just behind Kara’s eyes. She’s trying to hide it, Lena can see as much in the tension of her jaw, but she can’t hide it from her.
“Please.”
“As if you even have to ask.”
“I don’t just mean here, Lena.” Kara clarifies. Lena’s face scrunches in confusion so Kara explains further. “I booked a slot at the local museum; they’re allowing me to give a talk…about Krypton.”
Lena looks up at Kara, her lips curl into a proud smile and her eyes glisten with adoration. “Are you sure you’re ready? That’s a really big step. A public one at that.”
Kara shrugs. “I don’t know, but how will I know if I don’t try? I booked the time slot for their quiet period thinking that not many people will show up. I booked it under ‘Supergirl’ though, so I can’t say for sure. I don’t want my culture to die with me, Lena. If I don’t talk about it and educate people, even if those people are human, not Kryptonian, then all my knowledge will be lost, it’ll be worthless. I want to share my planet's celebrations, festivals and history. I want to show off the incredible scientific feats and technological advancements. I want everyone to see Krypton's art and beauty, and I have the power to do that. I have to do that.”
“Then I’ll be beside you while you do.” Lena presses a reassuring kiss to her lips. “When is your talk?”
Kara manoeuvres Lena’s wrist and peels back the sleeve of her shirt to look at the time. “In about…two hours.”
“Two hours? Kara, that’s barely any time. We need to hurry up and get ready.” Lena scrambles out of Kara’s embrace and starts rummaging through the closet to assess her options, only to be immediately confronted with the fact that she has no idea what kind of Kryptonian garb is appropriate for such an event. She turns back to Kara to whine, “Help me.”
“Ok, ok. I’m coming.” Kara saunters up to her side, but not before she melts a little at how cute Lena’s being.
-
Lena is proud. Extremely proud. The proudest. 
Looking up at the tiny stage Kara stands with a proud smile that could outshine the sun, she’s never been prouder.
It’s only a small step above the rest of the floor, but between Kara’s squared shoulders and everyone being seated as they watch her talk, Kara looks fifty feet tall. Lena can’t take her eyes off her, not for even a second. She’s completely mesmerized and has no intention of moving from her spot, front and centre.
Lena runs her fingertips over the felt-like texture of her dress. She originally wanted to go for the most alien design in the closet, partially to prove to Kara that she is accepting of every aspect of her culture. However, Kara swayed her from that idea, probably seeing through her intentions and wanting her to be comfortable.
Kara pushed her towards a dress, one that isn’t really Lena’s style but she admits it makes her look phenomenal. It’s also an incredibly beautiful, artistically designed article of clothing, one of the most stunning she’s ever seen. Kara made a good choice, even if it’s not something Lena would choose for herself.
It’s an asymmetrical design where the material sweeps up over her left shoulder and tumbles into a cape down that side. It has soft pleats with three of the tiniest, most delicate chains intermingling with the fabric. The tiny links attach to the belt, which is beautiful in and of itself. Gold chains bracket the edges. The centre is obsidian, carved into refined hoops lined with microscopic leaves, looking almost like wreaths. The belt is made up of the finest details and sits steadfast against her waist, a marvel that perfectly contradicts the dress's colour and pattern.
The dress is pale gold, dulled but still striking. The pattern is what really catches Lena’s eye. It’s a symphony of shapes and lines. She can’t decipher exactly what it’s meant to be, a mixture of vague floral swirls and shapes that depict a language she’ll never understand, not Kryptonese but something more profound—a language that enfolds everything about Krypton and nothing all at once.
It hugs her body tightly down to just below her knees, a hug from the softest material she’s ever had the pleasure of wearing and based on Kara’s roving eyes since she put it on, she looks sexy as hell in it.
Despite the beauty of Lena’s outfit, Kara firmly believes that the most beautiful part of Lena is the smile she’s worn since the moment she took her place on the stage to share her culture.
There’s a much bigger crowd than she expected but none of that matters. She can look into Lena’s eyes and tell her all about the parts of Krypton she’s always wanted to share, the parts that aren’t overshadowed by death and destruction. The happier times.
She teaches the group everything she remembers about the festivals from her childhood and the education system she learned from. Afterwards, she takes questions. The first is from a little girl, barely nine, curious about her clothes. A question she’s more than happy to answer.
“Usually, for an event like this, Kryptonians wear robes, but I thought that since my best robes are red and blue, I’d give your eyes a rest and go for something a little different.” Kara smiles at the wide-eyed enamoured expression on the little girl’s face. It’s clear she’s drinking up every word. “It’s also common for Kryptonian speakers to wear a single colour so they don’t draw attention away from the topic they’re discussing. I decided to follow that tradition today.”
Kara gestures down to her dress, a bronzed orange number, relatively simple but no less spellbinding. It’s loose, but not baggy. Just snug enough to show off her curves without hiding them. It flows with each subtle contour of her body, and the fabric trickles down in a waterfall of woven splendour.  The fabric is knotted over her shoulders, giving the impression that it’s one single sheet carefully curated to embrace her.
“As you can see, my dress is aligned with my culture but also shares many similarities with clothes found here on Earth. Given that humans and Kryptonians are similar in shape and stature, the similarities are expected.” She smoothes her hands over her midsection until her fingers reach the metal adorning her waist. “This would be considered a belt on Earth, but for me it’s a declaration. It’s a family heirloom bestowed upon my family many generations ago. A waist chain given to my grandmother’s grandmother after she won a great battle against the Daxamites a very long time ago. It has been passed down through my family and is commonly worn in moments of personal triumph. Today is a triumph for me because I get to share this information with you.”
Everyone’s eyes fall to the metal around Kara’s waist. It clutches to the fabric, bunching and trapping it in place without inhibiting the stylistic flow of the dress. It’s a shimmering, shining gold, recently polished and well-kept. The thin chain is made of fine links that aren’t visible to those sitting away from the stage. Gently hanging from the chain are intriguing symbols. Lena tries to decipher them but the characters aren’t of the Kryptonese she knows. Like Earth, Krypton had many languages. Her knowledge of one doesn’t give her an understanding of them all. She makes a mental note to ask Kara to translate it later, her intrigue growing as the symbols sway with Kara’s movements.
“I have a scarf here too.” Kara holds her arm up to display the garment bound around her bicep and the way it twists down her forearm. The fabric almost resembles a shawl. “It’s a shade darker than my dress if you look closely. That’s purposeful too. We Kryptonians don’t often do things without reason. Back in the old days of Krypton, long before I was born, scarves were worn as a symbol of peace. As long as you wear a scarf, it means you seek peace. It’s a shade darker than my dress so it’s easy to see without standing out too much. If someone doesn’t wear one, it means they are openly opposing someone, usually another Kryptonian household. If it escalates to that point, they will be escorted to the council to work out their differences.”
Kara purposely leaves out the extra information about sword fights and only one person leaving the council meeting. There are a lot of kids in the audience.
“Finally, my shoes.” Kara lifts one foot and rejoices in the strange looks she gets; her feet are not adorned by any shoes Kara’s ever come across on Earth. She’s unsure whether it counts as a shoe since half of her feet are hanging out. “They are designed to be worn outside, despite what you might think.”
Kara continues holding her foot up so everyone can see the shoe. It’s made of a thick fabric, not leather because it’s too soft to be anything of that kind, but still sturdy. They’re a dull orange-red to match her outfit and only cover the top of her feet except for a thin strap that circles around to keep them on.
Thin lace-like straps are wound from the sides of the shoes up around her ankles and tied in the same bow used for tying shoelaces on Earth. “Now, I can understand why you all look so confused. You’re probably wondering why Kryptonians would wear shoes that don’t protect the bottom of the foot, right?”
She receives a collective nod from her audience, causing her smile to widen. She’s loving the experience of teaching everyone about Krypton’s culture and heritage. It’s bringing her much more peace than she ever dreamed.
“That’s because they were used for walking on sand. A large portion of crops on Krypton were grown in sand, so these were worn to prevent the sand from getting inside our shoes and the tops of our feet from getting sunburnt. Because so many crops were grown in sand, it was everywhere and well, much like here on Earth, trends catch on. We wore them for stylistic reasons too.”
A couple of people laugh at her quip, making her chuckle along with them. “Any more questions?” Several hands shoot up into the air and Kara’s heart thuds excitedly. She’s having a field day with this.
Lena watches Kara with pure amazement. The way she’s so beautifully opening up and finding joy in the knowledge that only she, as an alien from Krypton, holds is incredible. Every time Kara’s smile widens, Lena finds her own smile broadening and she has to fight to keep her hand steady while livestreaming the exhibit to L-Corp’s social media.
She got Kara’s permission beforehand, albeit a little reluctantly, but she’s glad Kara agreed to it because there are over two thousand people watching. That’s two thousand more people learning about the wonders Kara is sharing.
Careful to keep her phone in focus, Lena gives Kara a thumbs up as she answers another question, this one about Kryptonian crops following her explanation about her shoes. She’s glad Kara decided to take the leap. This is good for her and now a growing number of people will look at her as not just an alien but an actual person. Her true self.
-
Lena wobbles as she peels her heels off her feet but she’s not afraid of falling. Kara’s arm is wrapped around her waist tightly, keeping her steady even as she tosses her shoes away.
Their lips don’t separate, not even for a second, as they move through Lena’s penthouse apartment towards the bedroom. Each of their movements is a push and pull of equal force, all give and take that only serves to prove why they work so well together.
Lena gasps against the blonde’s mouth as Kara’s teeth sink softly into her bottom lip. A precise movement with far too much certainty to be accidental. A mischievous little trick that never fails to weaken Lena’s knees, something that’s always in Kara’s favour.
“You play dirty.” Lena mutters, her lips barely parting from Kara’s.
“Mmhmm.” Kara hums, unwilling to break the kiss, especially to state the obvious.
Lena reluctantly moves her hands away from Kara’s biceps. Her desperate need to get out of this damn dress and into bed is far stronger than the desire for a simple groping session. Awkwardly throwing her arm over her shoulder in an attempt to find the clasp, she continues to struggle through her refusal to relinquish her hold on Kara’s lips.
“Hold on.” Kara mumbles as they stumble into the bedroom. Her strong arms untangle from Lena’s waist as her hands entrap full hips instead. “Can I take it off?”
“My dress?” Lena pants.
Kara nods, breathless and wanting. “Please.”
“Whatever you want.” Lena rasps breathily, allowing strong hands to turn her body away, exposing her back. Broad, warm palms carefully scoop Lena’s hair up and place it over her right shoulder exposing the bunching of fabric over her left. As her fingers bury themselves into the fabric searching for the clasp, her seeking lips descend on the pale expanse of Lena’s neck.
She places a series of chaste pecks just shy of the nape of her neck, slowly tracing her skin as far as she can reach before tilting Lena’s head back to pull her into yet another smouldering kiss. The dress is unfortunately no closer to being discarded than when she started.
Lena leans back into Kara’s chest, enjoying the closeness and comfort. She’s grateful she took off her heels. With Kara wearing the Kryptonian half-shoes, the height difference would have made kissing like this awkward.
“Aren’t you meant to be undressing me?” Lena smiles against insistent lips.
“Oh yeah.” Kara breathes, still in disbelief that she gets to do this. “Stop being so distracting. You’re making me forget things.”
Lena smirks as Kara buries her face into her neck. The feeling of Kara panting against her skin in an attempt to calm herself simply from kissing makes Lena feel like a god among men. She relishes the feeling and if this is how Kara feels on a good day, she’s jealous. More than anything though, she wishes Kara only ever good days. She’s seen how the bad ones can make her crumble, if she can help prevent them, she’ll do this every day.
After a few centring breaths, Kara is back on task. She unhooks the dress and belt, sliding it off with a level of grace and tenderness that makes Lena swoon. Kara gently collects the fabric and places it on the small couch next to the window. As she places it there, she turns her back to Lena to return the favour. 
Lena earnestly tries to make things sexy, unclipping the waist chain to gently sit it atop the dress. However, it only serves to make them both laugh. Kara’s sweet giggles only make the moment more real, more tangible.  
This is their first time sleeping together and with a bit of luck and all of the effort Lena has to give, this will be her last first time with anyone. She has no doubts that Kara is going to be her last person. It’s something she knows with every fibre of her being. She can feel it in her bones.
As she slowly, carefully unclasps the dress one hook at a time, Lena presses soft kisses to the centre of Kara’s back. And as an aside, she knows she will absolutely get Kara to admit that humans one-upped Kryptonians because they invented zippers.
After a childhood of such attire, Kara steps out of the dress with ease as it loosens. Her muscle memory is a stark reminder that she will never truly forget her life before Earth. It will always be part of her. 
Lena sweetly pulls Kara’s hand and twirls her around so they’re facing each other They share a tender smile as their nearly naked fronts softly press against each other for the first time. “You’re so beautiful.” She whispers, enamoured.
“You’ve barely seen me.” Kara laughs shyly as a pink blush spreads across her cheeks.
“I don’t need to look to know.” Lena’s eyes are half-lidded as she pushes Kara backwards until her knees hit the side of the bed. Green eyes never straying from blue, Lena slowly guides her down as she kneels in front of her. Kara’s legs instinctively part, desire engulfing her body.  Witnessing the shift in Kara’s body makes it hard for her to stay on track, but she’s damn sure not letting her first time with Kara consist of cumming with soleless shoes on. She loves Kara’s culture. Truly. However, she is drawing the line at that.
Lena’s movements are both frantic and particular as she unlaces Kara’s shoes and slides them off her feet. She tosses them over to the couch with less attentiveness than the dresses. She’s impatient and there’s no time for that.
Taking full advantage of her position, she lovingly kisses her way up Kara’s muscular legs to her soft inner thighs. Each press of warm lips against even warmer skin makes Kara’s skin tingle with ever-growing desire. As soon as raven locks are within reach, Kara’s hands bury themselves, not to guide her, simply to hold. She readily relinquishes complete control to the goddess between her thighs. Willingly allowing her to explore every inch of flushed tan skin, taking her time with each caress as their combined contented sighs fill the air, the perfect background music.
Between each burning kiss, green eyes gaze up, watching as Kara’s head tilts back exposing the majestic, long neck she wants to mark as her own. She shakes those thoughts aside, her main focus on truly giving Kara the tender and loving touches she’s dreamed of for so long. Her hero deserves to be savoured rather than treated as a rushed and fumbled tryst. 
Pouty pink lips don’t linger as they finally reach the edge of delicate blue lace panties. A single, deep kiss is pressed to the damp material as Lena takes a deep breath to breathe her in and continues her exploration. She has an internal battle to continue now that she tastes the blonde’s desire on her lips. 
The blunt edges of white teeth playfully nip at a pronounced hipbone as Kara’s back arches. Sensitive, she thinks.Lena repeats the move, this time on the opposite side, and slides a trembling hand under her arched back to unclasp Kara’s bra, tossing it carelessly to the floor. 
Having Kara laid out for her, nearly naked, gasping and moaning, Lena’s sure she’s entered her greatest fantasy or an afterlife she doesn’t believe in. There’s no other explanation, no other fathomable way she’s this lucky. 
The wide palms buried in dark hair urge her to move up and away from where she’s thoroughly bathing those glorious abs with her curious tongue. Lena’s more than eager to deliver everything Kara craves. After the bravery she’s shown today, Kara can have anything she yearns for, whatever she desires.
“Move up for me, darling.” Lena urges softly, her voice raspy and throat dry from her slack-jawed awe at the sight of the ethereal goddess in her bed. Her ethereal goddess. 
Lena’s insistent hands smoothly shift underneath athletic thighs, guiding her further up the bed and shifting her weight to make it easier. Kara smiles when her head hits the pillow, instantly pulling Lena down on top of her. Her legs bracket the ravenette’s hips as her restless hands trace their way along the ridges of Lena’s spine. When shaking fingers reach the delicate material of the tasteful strapless bra, she unclips it and carelessly tosses it aside, discarded and forgotten. 
Lena makes good on her earlier desires, attaching her wanting mouth to Kara’s neck as she attempts to leave marks she knows will instantly fade. “Mmm, what I wouldn’t give to mark you up so everyone can see you’re mine while you fly around in that cape of yours. My mighty Kryptonian with hickeys for days.”
“Rao, Lena.” Kara husks out a moan, desperately attempting to turn her head and recapture those alluring lips for the thousandth time.
Lena roughly twists her fingers into silky blonde locks, snatching her head back to continue her fruitless endeavour. “Stay still.” She sternly commands.
“Wait.” Kara moans out in response, enjoying the particularly hard bite on her neck. She can’t really feel pain but the sensation of teeth pressing deliciously into her skin? That is a feeling that makes her infinitely wetter and ensures her panties will be sufficiently ruined by the time they come off, if they aren’t already.
The single word stops Lena’s movements instantly. She quickly sits up and starts moving away, but Kara’s legs tighten around her waist and prevent her retreat. “What’s wrong, my Darling?”
“Nothing, nothing. I just…there’s…I have something. Something, I, um, want?” She says, slightly bashful.
“What do you mean?” Lena asks, confused and a little out of it now that she is pulled away from her heavenly task. “Like a sex thing? A fantasy?”
“Kind of.” Kara tilts her head down, a delicate pink spreading across her cheeks as she releases Lena and climbs off the bed. She scrambles back to her dress, searching for something. “But also kind of…not.”
Lena falls onto her back onto the still-warm spot Kara’s body recently vacated, a curious and perplexed smile on her face. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”
Kara shakes her head, ignoring her as her fingers dig into the discarded dress in search of a hidden pocket between the folds of the flowy material. Her face lights up as she pulls something barely bigger than her palm from its hiding place and holds it up in celebration.
“What is that?” Inquisitive green eyes implore.
“It’s a red sun emitter. I took it from the fortress when I saw how upset you were after I took you to a closet instead of a bedroom.”
Lena shrugs, her eyes shining with mirth. “You should know better than to take a lesbian to a closet.”
“That was bad.” Kara shakes her head, her amusement evident.
“Sorry.” Lena responds, still grinning at her joke. “Well, are you going to turn that thing on so I can make you mine, Kara Zor-El?”
Kara’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the eagerness in Lena’s sultry voice. “You really want to?”
“What? Make you mine? Why wouldn’t I want to?” Lena frowns, sensing Kara’s internal battle with self-doubt in a moment when Lena only wants her to feel loved, cherished, truly coveted. 
Kara sits the device on the nightstand beside Lena's unopened water bottle. She grabs it, taking a quick drink since it’s there and they will undoubtedly be here for a while. “You felt my superspeed on your wrist before. I thought that might have intrigued you to see where else you could feel those vibrations.”
Lena holds her hand out for the bottle once Kara’s finished with it and takes a generous gulp before responding. “While that is a very intriguing thought, I just want you. I’m not here for Supergirl. I’m here for Kara.”
“Do you really mean that?” Kara ducks her head as she blushes at the bold statement. It’s really cute. If there’s any reason to blush, it’s because she’s sitting in front of the woman she loves in nothing but a pair of sodden panties.
“Always.” Lena replies, pushing the device closer to Kara. “Turn it on.”
Kara presses a few buttons and in an instant, the room is coated in a soft red light, bringing Kara a sense of physical and mental peace. Lena watches how the weight gradually drops off her shoulders as the red sun radiation affects her.
“You’re so pretty.” Lena says, enamoured with everything that Kara is.
She pulls her closer, slowly nudging her ruined panties down long legs, leaving Kara bare before her. In turn, Kara grabs the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down swiftly and tossing them away, long forgotten before they even hit the floor.
“Let me prove how much I love you.” Lena pulls her fully onto the bed until Kara is kneeling over her. In a skilled move, she topples them over, positioning herself on top of the blonde. Once again, Kara finds herself flat on her back, her head nestled into the pillows. “Can I love you? Let me love you, Kara.” 
Lena leans in so close their noses brush, waiting for one single word giving her permission. “Yes.” Kara breathes, then lifts her head to get a taste of those delectable lips.
Taking the answer for all its worth, Lena devours her.
For the first time in her life, Kara is entirely free to experience not only pleasure but an unbridled love without fear. She can barely control herself, her need for more is overpowering, yet she’s not afraid to lose control, she doesn’t have to be. She gives it all up and knows in the end, everything will be as it should. She can finally let go.
Lena’s hands explore every part of her, taking extra time to palm at her breasts. Her fingers find pretty pink nipples and give them the extra attention they deserve. The kind of attention Kara’s never felt there before, given her usually high pain tolerance. There’s none of that now. It’s barely painful, more pleasurable than her time with any of the men she’s been with.
“Dear Rao, Lena…” Kara gasps into her mouth, making Lena grin so wide it’s impossible to go in for another kiss. “Lena, fuck.”
“Shh, just feel. I’ve got you, my Kara.” Lena traces her lips down her neck and back to what is becoming her favourite spot as her fingers make their way down the expanse of tan skin.
Her nails rake their way down defined abs before she turns to a softer touch, pausing just before she reaches the place she knows Kara wants her most.
“Look at me, Kara.” Lena demands, pulling away from her neck. Kara’s eyes remain closed, even as Lena’s fingers make their way between sodden folds, seeking out her clit like they’ve been there a thousand times before. Kara gasps but won’t meet her gaze. “Look at me. Please”
Upon the second round of urging and the feeling of Lena’s fingers circling her clit in and driving her insane, sparkling blue eyes finally open. Lena notes that her eyes look several shades darker, now an enchanting midnight blue, and it has taken the lead for the sexiest thing she’s ever seen. 
“Lena…fuck.” Kara gasps, her eyes locked on Lena’s now, unable to do anything other than clutch at her shoulders and let herself enjoy the ride.
Lena pushes her forehead against Kara’s, her hand diligently working away. “I love you, Kara.”
“I love you.” Kara moans out. “But for the love of Rao, get inside me before I do it myself.”
Lena’s eyes twinkle, happily doing as requested. Two fingers push inside as they maintain eye contact until Kara can’t take it anymore. Her head flies back and her eyes slam closed as Lena uses her other hand to rub her clit, still pumping her fingers at a relentless pace.
Lena reattaches her mouth to Kara’s neck, continuing her quest to leave marks she hopes will last long after the red sun emitter has been turned off. “I’ve got you, darling. My Kara.” Lena whispers against her ear.
Kara shudders beneath her, nails digging into pale shoulders as she clings to the only solid thing she can find. “Lena…”
“I love you.” She repeats once again, nailing it home with one last kiss to the latest mark before shifting down Kara’s body to do what she’s been longing to do for years. She takes Kara’s clit into her mouth. All the while, her fingers are still working away, driving her higher with every passing second. 
Kara bucks up into her mouth, her hips shifting of their own accord. Lena pins them down with an arm slung over her waist and keeps going, one goal in mind.
“You’re safe. I’ve got you,” Lena says directly into her pussy. The vibrations from her words are the final push Kara needs to let go. Her body relaxes as she comes, her bucking hips ceasing their fight against the arm holding them down as if she’s not the strongest being on the planet.
Lena guides her through it, her fingers slowing to a stop and easing out of her when aftershocks wane, when she’s truly done. She’s drenched and tired but so damn proud.
She pecks Kara’s clit one more time as she runs her hands over twitching legs, her fingers leaving a trail of wetness behind. Climbing back up to Kara’s face, she waits until her favourite blue eyes open and teasingly licks her fingers clean. 
Kara’s pretty sure Lena just fucked her into a dream state because the image she has just accosted with is so fucking sexy that there’s no way it’s real. 
“Hey, darling.” Lena cups her cheeks, kissing her delicately, her tongue parting Kara’s lips and pushing inside to giddily share the sweet taste of her desire.
“You just killed me.” Kara mumbles.
Lena giggles and shifts to cuddle into her side. She tucks her head beneath Kara’s chin, content to lie there for a moment until Kara recovers from what is undoubtedly the best orgasm of her life. “Well, that wasn’t the goal but I’ll take it.”
“What was the goal?” Kara pecks the top of her head, the feeling in her arms coming back enough that she can wrap Lena up into a well-needed cuddle.
Lena snuggles deeper into her chest. “To make love to you, Kara. I wanted to love my Kara, and I did.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“My Kara?” Lena husks, well aware of what she’s doing. 
Kara nuzzles her nose into the top of Lena’s head, breathing in the comforting scent of her coconut shampoo. “Yes.”
Lena pecks the nearest bit of skin available to her, Kara’s collarbone. She knows the answer but she’s not opposed to hearing Kara explain anyway. “Why is that?”
“Because you see me for who I am. I love how you make me feel when you look at me with so much certainty in your eyes. It’s almost like you can see into my soul and when tell me you love me and I can see how much you mean it.”
Lena grins, pushing herself back up to look into Kara’s eyes. “I love you.”
Kara’s never felt more at peace, as she replies. “I love you too.”
“That’s good.” Lena chuckles before a sly smirk finds its way onto her face. “Now, I think you’re meant to return the favour.”
“Are you sure about that?” Kara teases, her hands finding Lena’s ass and squeezing.
“Fucking positive.” Lena growls against her lips. 
183 notes · View notes
mikuni14 · 4 months ago
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Century of Love - Ep 4
Whenever San says in That Special Tone: A'Tao😤 and A'Juu😤, I gain an extra year of life (previously lost with each of Kohei's tears, from I hear the sunspot). The interactions of the San's family are the highlights of this series. It's obvious that this is a good family relationship, because they all clearly recognize him as a leader and respect him, but at the same time they're so relaxed with him and are not afraid of him and his furrowed eyebrows that especially the youngest generation can call him out and even mess with a bit 😄
"Have you watched Naruto again?" raises intriguing questions 🤔: So this has happened before? How many times had he watched it? He didn't catch the homoerotic subtexts in SaasukeNaruto's relationship at all? He didn't even have the slightest crush on Kakashi and all those self-sacrificing male characters? 😆😆
A very nice scene with a crocodile toy (I think it's very popular in Thailand), showing both humor and a deep bond between Vee and his grandma. In this context, it's not surprising that Grandma was able to distract little Vee with "playing" from the fact that they were homeless. It's also not surprising that Vee is desperate to "repay" her for her kindness and care, just as San feels guilty that he "didn't have time" to repay Wat for her kindness and help.
The constant parallels between San's life 100 years ago and Vee's life now are so interesting: social injustice, lack of support from authorities and institutions, being victims of bad people and circumstances, poverty, struggling to survive in a hostile world, clinging to the only good people they have.
Despite everything, the question still remains to what extent their actions and willingness to "return the favor" are consciously beautiful and noble, and to what extent they are unconsciously selfish. In fact, what San did and what Vee intends to do are their decisions, without asking those involved for their consent or whether they want it. If Wat heard what San was going to do, would she agree to it? Would she want San to spend even one night in pain, let alone 100 years of such nights? Does Grandma want what Vee does for her? Actually even the fact that Vee suddenly marries someone and receives money for her treatment is highly disturbing. If I were Wat and Grandma, would I want their attempt to save when it's associated with their suffering (Vee is breaking the law and constantly falling victim to attacks, now even those that threaten his life)? Tbh San and Vee do what they do for themselves. Out of love, of course, I absolutely don't deny it! But really - for themselves. San wants to meet Wat again and live with her the life they were denied, Vee wants to have a beloved, comforting person by his side for as long as possible. This is very interesting, the show touched on it a bit once and I'm curious if it will come up again. Will the reincarnated Wat be terrified of San's sacrifice instead of being happy, and how will Grandma react to all of this, the fake marriage for the money, for Vee being a victim of constant attacks? (by the way, even if Grandma was healed, would she want to spend the rest of her life writhing in pain every night? San had his purpose and he endured it, but would it be a relief or a curse for Grandma? Will Vee be ok seeing his own grandma in the condition he saw San in?)
Wild theory time: I wonder if this stone was real or a fake to confuse potential thieves. It's actually a bit strange that it was moved from its previously perfect hiding place... to a bookshelf with no protection (after all, this electronic lock on a door that can be kicked open is ridiculous). On the other hand, whether the stone is real or a fake to distract, bringing it home brings danger… into that home.
My fav shots of San: romantic in pink
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why he kinda 😍
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My fav shots version of Vee Offroad: 😏
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and 😏 from the previous ep
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cammslush · 2 years ago
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6REEZE; each member has their own special and adorable darling (but you don't know they think that way about you) - Part 2
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Content warning(s): Yandere themes (overprotectiveness, possessiveness)
Let me know if I missed anything.
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Part II: Center - Aether
"We're having a concert today, I'm sure you know. It's going to be live on our YouTube, please watch it there instead."
Aether tried his best to hide his signature golden strands of hair from the light, underneath his dark hood. He speaks quietly into the receiver of the payphone conveniently just a few blocks from the concert venue. But with him being pretty much the face of 6REEZE…
"Hey, I recognize that golden hair anywhere! Is that…?"
"Sorry, talk to you after the show. Bye."
It was almost an impossible task trying to keep a low profile.
You were a strange-fated soul who met Aether during a photoshoot for a magazine. Well, he was hard to ignore. The brightest member of 6REEZE, that was him!
"I'm ____, pleasure to be your acquaintance," you held out your pretty hand to him. Why did you introduce your name? He already knew who you were: an actor. But some part in his heart sort of…thumped, at the thought of you saying your name.
It's a very common thing for celebrities to meet in joint projects. It's also a common thing for said celebrities to become close friends…or even fall in love.
"No…I shouldn't fall in love. I can't fall in love…" Aether almost wanted to rip his heart out the same day he met you. Idols always sing love songs, but they are not allowed to love. So then…
Why? Why does his heart beat so quickly whenever he thinks of you? Why is it that his chest hurts everytime he sees your face in an advertisement, or your acting in some unpopular movie? Why, why, why…
But he can't just leave you in his "list of merely recognizable people", not after you offered so much company and kindness.
“I met Aether from 6REEZE during a photoshoot once,” you carelessly said in an interview, “And then we actually became friends! He’s actually a pretty nice person! And his hair looks way brighter in person. Go watch their live concerts to see it for yourself!”
Do actors live in a different world from idols? You’re so good at acting in shows, from what he can tell. Why can’t you act like you have never met him before?
Don’t you get it? Your adorable face will get mauled by a horde of crazy idol fans if you admit that! He can’t let that happen!
Venti is so careless, he lets the existence of his "bestest friend" be known to the public with such little care of their wellbeing — Aether is different! He isn't careless one bit.
Despite being your friend, you really have no actual way of contacting him besides a phone number that he asked you to memorize, and he also asked you not to ever input this number on your personal phone. You thought it was a little strange, but heeded his requests nonetheless. Perhaps it was a strange tradition.
But Aether isn't mean to you or anything, yes? He is one of the nicest, brightest people you've ever met in your life! He'd never want you to get hurt, that's the whole point of his actions.
He himself has perfectly memorized all of your information, like your phone number, or your address. It's only, purely because he believes he isn't allowed to save any of that info on his phone, not because he feels the need to know every single little detail about you.
It would be bad if any fan found out about his close association with another celebrity, right? The only, only option left is to store everything about you safely inside his mind.
Under absolutely no circumstances should anyone know you exist in his life.
That is knowledge available only to him.
"Aether, I was recruited to act in an advertisement, and they're still looking for more actors. Marketing opportunity for 6REEZE! Just say the word and I can recommend anyone who's interested to the Director," you spoke to him over the payphone.
Aether wanted to smack himself for how much he misses hearing your voice. It was hard to tell his inner conflicts, thanks to his bright and sunny outer image.
Looks like there's no other choice, "I just asked, buuut no one else is interested, so I'll take any role."
He cannot even allow his fellow 6REEZE members know.
"Oh, okay. Also, I'm watching the concert at home. Everything you guys did was so cool! Especially at the song 'Let the Wind Lead'...My Archon, all I can say is you guys shone very brightly."
Aether wants to keep hearing you talk. But at the same time…
"Yeah…The intermission is about to end. Let's stop here," without even telling you, he hung up the phone and promptly deleted the conversation from his contact history.
With a sigh, he left the break room.
No, no…he can't let what happened to Lumine be repeated with you. Nobody deserves that.
It's not because solely his attention should be on you — "get your head back on track, Aether!" It's because you'll be in grave danger if anyone else found out. He's told himself time and time again, someone as precious as you should never be laid a finger on.
If anything did happen to you, he might as well as die right then and there with you.
"...Aether? Hello?" You spoke on the other end, confused.
You're such a great actor, aren't you? He knows, he's watched almost every piece of film or advertisement you've played a role in, no matter how unpopular the show, no matter how insignificant the role.
So please, act like you've never heard of 6REEZE. Act like you've never even heard of Aether, in public.
That way he can have you all for himself!
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catchyhuh · 5 months ago
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pretend that picture of patrick star saying i love you is here
people in general are so specific with when they think it's “okay” to say i love you. i mean i’ll tell a nice leaf on the ground i love it if i’m in a good enough mood but you’re not here for ME so let’s DISCUSS
lupin:
demonstrably loose with it. and it’s anybody’s guess if he’s being an asshole or he really means it!
lupin should have trust issues, by all accounts, but i guess considering the person he loves the most is. almost damn near guaranteed to betray that trust, he doesn’t worry too much about wearing his heart on his sleeve. nobody can really hurt him, at least nobody that would intend to
it’s not so much that lupin is actually full of love so much as it’s the fact that he’s just so full with EVERYTHING. he’s dramatic like that
he does mean it when he says it sometimes, and if you use context clues you can probably pick up on his sincerity for the person he’s speaking to, but when he really, REALLY means it is when he’s not talking at all
he talks so much without really saying anything, but when he stays quiet he says a whole lot.  sometimes he thinks it so loudly he almost feels like the other person can hear it even if they have no idea at all
jigen:
not to be overdramatic but since the age of 12, every time jigen has said i love you he’s been crying. and he doesn’t cry a whole lot nowadays!
we KNOW this bitch has trust issues out the wazoo but more than that it’s that he doesn’t trust the intensity of his feelings. he feels like he can only say it if he’s referring to some huge, overpowering love that just kind of bursts out of him into a declaration that leaves even him surprised after the fact
he’s never said it to lupin. not when lupin could hear him, and even then, it was only twice in the whole time they’ve known each other. he’s not even purposefully being cagey, he just… doesn’t feel like it’s right
if you asked him “do you love lupin and goemon?” he’d make a bit of a face and shrug and say “well, i care if that’s what you mean.” which… is kind of the same thing when you think about it
fujiko:
fujiko is not particularly guarded about saying i love you, since it’s… just words, you know? but she’s never said it to somebody she straight up doesn’t like. she won’t even go along for the bit of trying to fool some rich boyfriend of the week, she just pretends to giggle and dodges it
fujiko does have love to give within her, but she seems to think it’s a finite amount
so, again, context clues play into it-- is she getting something she wants when she says it to someone, or is she hugging them in delight at the fact that they’re just alive and in front of her? 
unknowingly shows love in actions more than anything else. beyond instances of her physically attempting to protect others, it shows when she thinks of others' comfort in advance, or when she faintly touches someone’s back to signify that she’s in the room. even just a smile at some inanimate object associated with someone just feels full of love that she refuses to fully acknowledge but there’s A LOT… you just have to EARN it! and you can! 
just! not by doing anything a lot of people have tried so far! 
goemon:
being as strictly traditional as he is, he’s not… guarded about it, really, but he doesn’t “believe” in saying it excessively, if that makes sense. 
like fujiko, he seems to have this subconscious thing where he’s full of love, SO much love for so many things, really, but he can only give it out selectively. not for his sake, though, but because he feels like if too many people have his love then it must make them feel lesser, sharing it with so many others
yes they’re all very strange about this no none of them will ever address it within their lifetimes if they can help it
whenever it does come out, it almost seems involuntary, like a hiccup or something. like it wasn’t a conscious choice to do so, EVEN THOUGH HE DOES MEAN IT
you could not force goemon to say it without meaning it. you couldn’t torture it out of him. he’s not gonna lie about something like LOVE, because despite how often he seems to fall into it, he still never seems to say it
one time he got sick, VERY sick, and uncharacteristically emotional as a result of the constant fever and aching and nausea and everything else, and it came out while the other three were in the living room, jigen standing by his couch putting a washcloth on his head. jigen just nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile, and they all continued on like nothing had happened afterwards. not because they didn’t believe him, they all did-- but because they knew he’d be ashamed for years in his normal state if he knew he’d done that
zenigata:
the thing is. see the thing is. well. there’s just so much of it and he doesn’t really do good with getting it out
in his head he’ll say i love you over something as simple as him being obviously exhausted and a stranger offering him a bottle of water. if he’s delirious enough he might even mumble it but it's so hard to decipher that they’re like it’s ok bud. it’s ok.
it’s partially the small part of him that somehow remembers after all this time how to generally interact with other people, and partially maybe embarrassment. not really a trust issue thing, just. it feels embarrassing to say it no matter the context, no matter how much he means it, no matter HOW he means it
the funny thing though is that he used to NEVER say it. like ever. but he’s. a lot more sensitive than he was then. it’s like the opposite of being hardened with time how’d that even happen?? point being he’s got more love in him now despite everything
maybe the only one out of them that could say it completely sober, completely sane, to the other person’s face and really fully mean it. to him, that’s the best way to get that across easily anyway. sometimes you don’t have time to show things through elaborate rescues and meticulously made meals, so the quickest way to show love is to just be honest and say it
sure says it a lot if he’s drunk though! almost like he was thinking it before anyways and now he’s just lost his filter!! wild!
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warden-melli · 3 months ago
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I got to thinking, since Melli is all the way up at the top of the mountain then not much people will be able to visit him. A lot of strange things must happen up there, ghosts(not pokemon) might be up there due to people dying to the dangerous environment. What if people aren't really allowed up there is because some start to become insane? What if Melli starts to become insane?
I like to think of this whenever I want to imagine a Evil Melli AU :) also I'm tired at the moment so i apologize for any mistakes in my grammar.
Moonview Arena is also right next to a graveyard, on a mountain littered with ancient ruins 👀
A ghost/haunting/possession story with Melli, set up on the mountain sounds like it could be a really cool idea! I personally would just be a bit careful using words like “insane” as a synonym/analogy for being “evil”, because it could reinforce the harmful stereotype that people living with certain mental illnesses (particularly psychosocial disabilities) are dangerous or violent. But I think if handled respectfully this could be a really cool au, and I’d be interested to hear more about it ^^
My own personal headcanon is that Melli, in addition to being a Warden, is also tasked with being the caretaker of the mountain graveyard, and that he inherited the position (as well as the Electrode Warden job) from his uncle after he passed away. I kinda imagine his whole family having a bit of a spooky vibe, filling roles associated with death within their community. At least on his mothers side. In my version of Hisui, Melli’s grandmother is the Diamond Clans death doula, providing care and spiritual guidance to people who are dying, and performing the clans mourning/death rituals after someone has passed. She has an ancient Skuntank companion, whose poisons are used as medicines to help ease the pain of those suffering during their final days. His mother is a jeweller/artisan, crafting memento mori and shrines/memorials so that people can remember/honour those that have passed. As I mentioned earlier his late uncle (in addition to being Lord Electrodes previous warden) would also care for the graves, assisted by his beloved Hisuian Typhlosion partner. With Melli’s design/outsider status and his association with poison/dark types, it felt natural to pair him with darker roles/themes when I first began to imagine what my interpretation of his backstory/family might be like.
I agree with you that due to the location of his job, Melli would spend a lot of time isolated up on the mountain. (Another personal headcanon - his isolation also plays a part in his lack of social skills). Anything could happen so far away from other humans. In a place like Hisui where ghost pokemon roam the land, as well as implied/confirmed encounters with human spirits (Vessa) being a reality, I think your idea is very compelling. I imagine Hisui and it’s clans to have rich and spiritual cultures, including many different myths, legends and superstitions surrounding the supernatural, and it would make sense that some of those stories are cautionary tales about people becoming possessed when travelling alone in the mountains. It would be very cool to imagine what would happen if those stories came true :)
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