#but when im just looking at it normally it looks fine -_- idk

[skeletal-r3xie]

Hi everyone, kind of a long update:

I booked an appointment at the doctors for the lumps in my neck, only to realise after some heavy googling afterwards that my lymph nodes are just swollen, which yes is weird bc I’m not ill, but they are relatively normal for swollen lymph nodes, as in they’re painful (a good sign), and they aren’t absolutely massive. So now I’m afraid I’m gonna look like an absolute knob to the doctor because i didn’t even know you had lymph nodes there 🫠

They have no apparent cause to be swollen though, so on a whim I did a little research to see if my 4n0r3x14 is what’s causing it, and I didn’t find any professional healthcare websites on this, but I did find a comment on an 3D forum of a girl who said she was 4n0r3x1c for just under a year and had permanent swollen lymph nodes in her neck.

Another commenter replied saying that it could essentially just be that her body is treating her as if she’s permanently sick, and so is mass-producing lymphocytes (white blood cells) to try and fight some invisible infection lol (when it’s really an 3D)

So if it’s anything, it’s probably that. But obviously I ain’t telling the doctor that, I’ve contemplated cancelling the appointment, but with my social anxiety I just feel like it would be an even bigger inconvenience to them and also I realllyyyyy hate calls.

Also, another thing I’ll mention here to see if anybody has any possible reason for this: I haven’t had my period yet, when I definitely should have. And I know your periods can stop with an 3D, but this fast? Really? I’ve only been back into it for 2 weeks. I’ve had the other symptoms that a period is coming, mainly my b00b$ (idk if I can say that without getting t3rm3d or smth lol), but yeah they’ve been very tender and heavy, which usually happens before my period, but I’ve just not had one still, and they‘ve been tender like that now for a good week and a half.

I definitely don’t think I’m pregnant, but my boyfriend is going to pick me up a test today just to bring me some ease.

Anyways, back to the actual 3D shit:

I haven’t eaten today yet, I had a C4 energy drink (15) before bc I was exhausted (I haven’t been to sleep all night), and I’m scared of gaining today if I eat my usual amount bc I haven’t been to sleep (idk the logic of that either really, I think my brain is trying to count it as adding onto yesterday’s c4ls lol).

It was supposed to be my fasting day today, but I got scared that the doctor was going to make me get a blood test (which he still might, but not today), and then it would show that I have barely any nutrients in my body. I haven’t eaten anyways, so either way, if he was gonna do one today I’d be fcked. But I’m gonna have a skinny bar or a fibre brownie or smth before I leave, just to hopefully keep me going for a little longer.

I’m also in work today, only on a 4 hour shift, which is both bad and good, bad for my money but good for my wellbeing lmfao.

Gonna take my rest day today since I haven’t slept, and I just know that going the doctors and THEN work straight after will drain the life out of me.

Idk how much I’ll eat today, I’m not feeling like eating much, but I will update you guys later on obviously with my daily rundown.

Im very scared, but I will be fine, everything will be done with soon, and I can relax and then just pure bash Minecraft when I come in lol.

If you made it this far, thank you, you’re very kind (:

Thank u all for being here.

[3liza]

here's one reason i dont think this is applicable to normal grammar errors like wary/weary and using idioms wrong: whenever i hear a youtuber do this and then take the time to scroll through the comments, no one else is commenting about it. if i leave a comment about it, im the only one. in the notes the example of mispronouncing a pokemon is given, and i think that's way more likely to be done on purpose. but just being bad at speaking generally doesnt actually seem to generate engagement

ive started leaving comments for youtubers whose videos i click out of IF they seem like basically good people who are actually interested in making videos that arent garbage. ill be like "hey sorry im clicking out now, you obviously spent a lot of time on this and i appreciate it but 5:13-10:45 is just completely debunked misinformation, you need to de-ess your audio because it's painful, and the author your cited is a actually an antisemitic conspiracy theorist [citation]. will be checkin your vids out in the future though, have a good one". the single comment "increases engagement" or whatever but i have all notifications off on youtube on my viewing account so i can just throw grenades and run, i never get into arguments. if they're interested in improving their material then fine, maybe my comment will be useful, if they aren't then whatever.

watch hours seem to be the primary metric for youtube channel success and determines when you get monetized in the first place. so clicking out immediately when you're getting pissed off is the best way to "vote with your dollars" or whatever.

idk. maybe none of this shit matters. certainly big accounts wont pay any attention to you, but the smaller ones often will. i recently followed a small lets player who was using AI thumbnails for all his uploads and it genuinely was so confusing because every thumbnail looked the same and didn't show the actual game, often inventing monsters and scenes that weren't in the game at all. and i left a kind, patient comment about how this was uncool, and two days later the next thumbnail i saw from him was an actual screenshot. after a couple refreshes it switched to a third thumbnail that was AI again but showed the correct "type" of monster for the subject of the game, rather than a Krampus, which the AI thumbnail i saw first had initially shown. so he's at least A/B testing AI vs normal thumbnails. i clicked on the screenshot thumbnail because youtube creators get feedback about the A/B results on videos uploaded with multiple thumbnails.

@3liza Thoughts? I think it's bullshit but I wouldn't put it past some of the worst Youtube Grammar offenders.

[banditblvd]

limnu.com was special I think

[marklikely]

i cant. justify why but i remade the have sex saturday room in the sims

[puhpandas]

getting into ben 10 is so sad bc I binge the entire OS and am like wow cant wait for more and then every other series doesnt have the things I liked about OS and even casual fans online say that 10yo Ben's character in OS is more compelling than all the others but theres barely any of him after OS

[qualityrain]

dude theres something abt firefly wedding. marry ur hired killer so u dont die and the love interest is a crazy yandere but also theyre trying to make it work???? before sakoto confesses that shes been playing along and cannot marry shinpei he was like lets talk because youve been off lately is it because of me i dont want to do something that makes you sad because im bad at reading peoples and my own feelings. like even before this its like sakoto going excessive violence is bad! and the whole would shinpei treat anybody that accepts him the same way he says hes in love with sakoto. that perhaps his love for her is not different from loving a child or an animal. what is love anyway (baby dont hurt me- )

[sundays-mutt]

idk what ramadan is gonna look like for me this year lol

[hella1975]

my mum: you've been doing really good lately. every part of your life is really stable and you seem genuinely happy, it's great to see :)

me, who's felt like ive been going actually crazy bananas insane for months now: yeah haha

[nomairuins]

loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

[kil9]

i thuink i have chronic fatigue..

[ayyponine]

local woman gets two consecutive weeks off work, immediately starts experiencing some type of Ailment

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

[bonefall]

What if the whole 'infertility WHOOPS nvm' situation was caused by the DF? Maybe all the DF knew was that one of Firestar's children was to birth three warriors who could destroy them, and they obviously thought squilf was the one to do that, so they either tricked her or starclan into thinking she was infertile. What they DIDNT plan for was Leafpool breaking the code and getting pregnant, still fulfilling the mini prophecy.

Also my knowledge on things post first arc is really fuzzy but could mudclaw's death be from the DF? That put Onestar in power who iirc REALLLYYY hates TC bc he doesnt want to seem too friendly with them, thus dividing the clans more. Could work the other way around with them sparking Mudclaw's rebellion, amd Starclan stepping in to send the tree down.

Good suggestions! But I think I've got these two situations down pat already

Squilf's Infertility

I just kinda prefer the idea that sometimes people are infertile, y'know? Especially Squilf. I also don't want the Dark Forest to go away and have to open up the question of, "If they're not cursing her anymore, can she have babies now?"

No biobabies for Squilf. She raises the Three, and is the mentor of Jessy's and Bramble's daughter, Sparkpelt. She's just infertile because that's how things are sometimes.

Mudclaw's Rebellion

For this one, the Dark Forest's only involved insofar as Tigerstar is training Hawkfrost.

I want to make sure that Mudclaw's rebellion stays Mudclaw's idea primarily; I don't want to fall into the trap of canon material where they keep blaming the actions of their villains on Born Evil Cats without whom there would be no problems.

Mudclaw accepts Hawkfrost's reinforcements, and promises him power in exchange for help... but it wasn't the Dark Forest, or Hawkfrost, that suggested killing Onewhisker. Mudclaw did that.

And for that Mudclaw is actually going to the Dark Forest! He will not be in StarClan for my rewrite, likely becoming one of the cats who ends up defending Ashfur's Tunnel post-TBC along with Juniperclaw.

[flovverworks]

gah i need to ramble. i dont know how itd work/how to not make it push things too far/itd be useless anyway since akira knows 0 about fighting/does noooot have the stamina most ppl who end up fighting does<3, but taking the whole "can help oz use magic at night" into a buffer concept.......cuz i dont find a way to use that stuff/the sages book/etc in aus enough T_T something something when akira forms bonds with ppl............. so i was like "ig their evol could be something where i can work around it into that" BUT I DONT WANT THEM TO HAVE ONE........my normal little guy............who somehow can enhance u should the need come......

BUT it means i end up thinking about the time oz killed someone in front of akira. cuz it was at night/dawn. 'have u seen a wizard turn to stone' 'no' and holding them in a way so they wouldnt see auughhhhhh...........->figaro who ALSO has killed someon(something) in front of akira. and how quiet akira is after. no further comment i should reread that spot story now that its voiced

[coldflasher]

currently one week into a two-week stay with a terrible relative who needed help recovering from an operation and because i'm the only competent adult who was willing to do it (my dad literally lives with her but is both incompetent and unwilling) and i just. do not know how much more of this i can tolerate

she has the most TERRIBLE opinions and every morning when i sit down she'll just say something AWFUL and i have no choice but to respond because how on earth can you sit and listen to someone say something so repugnant and NOT say something. the one good thing i can say about her is that she isn't a tory but every other terrible evil little box you could tick, she probably fits it

i'm sure you're wondering, quite fairly, why i have even come here knowing this is the case. just to clarify, she has NEVER been this overtly awful before. like don't get me wrong, i knew she had some questionable opinions and i've butted heads with her about her views before but it's never been on this level. i think that now i'm an adult she feels free to go full mask off with everything and i'm like listen i'm usually in favour of unmasking but in this case can you put that shit back on, right the fuck now, preferably with superglue. and then apply said superglue to your mouth

the only reason i haven't just fucking walked out already is because my brother is coming down here on wednesday to see her for the first time since he started on testosterone, and i am genuinely concerned about how this woman will react because like. i'm sure saying she's also a transphobe will come as a shock to no one and for obvious reasons no one has told her... but when she actually sees him and hears him speak in person i feel like she's going to you know. catch on. fairly quickly. and i need to be here so i can back him up against the potential fallout and so i can get him out if things turn nasty. like it's not that i think she'd be able to DO anything, she's an old woman and she's just had surgery, but like. i'm obviously not gonna leave my brother to deal with that shit by himself

but yeah every minute i spend here is slowly crushing my soul to powder and making me feel unwell at the idea that there are real people who fucking think like this. and not only do they think it but they're willing to SAY IT and think it's a normal fucking thing to believe!!! and then when i go "what the fuck is wrong with you" and argue back she acts like there's something wrong with ME!!!! LIKE I'M THE BAD PERSON??? HUHHHHHHH???

[arielluva]

grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again