#but when i finally do get free time
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how come u donāt write about big brother sukuna ?? :,(((((
bc i am taking calculus, biology, chem, working 2 jobs, going through a breakup, volunteering, hanging out with friends/family, getting that summer bod (š
), and in the midst of applying for a research program so tbh he is not really on the top of my mind right now šššššš
IM SORRYRYREYSYYSDYDYRRHRYYYYY
#š - love letters#secret admirer#i wish i could just lounge about and write for him all day#but when i finally do get free time#i just#try not to think#p.s i know many ppl are doing much more than me but AHHHHH i feel like so horrible when ppl ask for more writing#like i just#canāt#im not as capable as other ppl LOL
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'what do u want to draw' 'idk, megumi?'
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk megumi#when in doubt . megumi#almost drew more free i was *this* close to a makoto or makoharu sheet u have no idea the effort it took pls applaud my restraint#regardless tho im having lots of fun w this way of doing hair#fr the longest time the heavy chunked layers were always a look tht i could never get right#but i think ive gotten there finally!! or am getting there#it was easier w haru than with megu but ! still pleased#also idk if i will have time to draw anything else before i leave so i rushed a bit 2 get this up#maybe ill have time fr another sketchy doodle in between packing and prep dgsdfj who knows !! i will try tho
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Ribbun week - Day6: Fluff
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Iām not dead (yet)
ribbun week? More like ribbun month haha get it- ok Iāll stop
You know how goose said it has been a while since the last time he got a hug? Things to think aboutā¦
To clarify, they are moonwatching on a balcony of sorts in the timeskip, I just never bothered shading it since itāll ruin the lineart
Last thing the plushie is an object she holds dear since it resembles her childhood family cat *headcanon*
Youāll get to see more of that sometime in the future:)
#Va reference yippeee#But the roles are reversed#Tumblrās chopping up the image quality again#Me when I get a fluff prompt:#you all have awakened the beast#This aint even 1% of my power being unleashed (lie)#the good stuff#These DID took an egregious amount of time to edit thoā¦#but you didnāt hear that from me#There will be a bit more frequent posts after this one#I am finally free from my shackles#This drawing imprisoned me for like 2 weeksā¦#Not that it actually took 2 weeks to do#Maybe only around 4 days#But yknow#*glances at procrastination*#The tagsss#Ribbun#ribbunweek2024#ribbunweek#ribbun week#gangle x jax#jax x gangle#tadc gangle#tadc jax#tadc fanart#tadc comic#the amazing digital circus#Bunnybow#operabunny
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"little miss prairie faerie" is a cute name actually... (but I won't use it if she doesn't like it)
#neopets#illusen#aquanutart#thank you faerie festival for letting me support my childhood fave#even though i stumbled into the festival five days in and was randomly assigned a team because i was too late to choose#i was like yesss i can get rid of all my junk from the plot--wait i can get a faerie doll??#nevermind. i have to do this RIGHT#okay! time to rediscover my addiction to cheat!#...okay! time to restrain myself from spending all my free time on cheat!#i used to sit there obsessively playing cheat! on dial-up back in the day#also due to the festival i won at cheeseroller for the first time in my entire life. then i was too happy with my honey cheese to donate it#as a kid i didn't know how to play cheeseroller because i didn't know what cheese name to enter#i just sat there staring at the empty input box trying to think of a name of a cheese out of my head. it was very frustrating#i kept playing cheeseroller after i won because i was so happy i finally figured out how to play but i haven't won again since then#my one honey cheese remains my treasured prize. no i did not donate it#anyway my determination to farm 8-point items ended after one day when i realized how much time it takes to play cheat!#and i switched to 6-point but then missed a day and wound up with not enough points to get the staff#but i had actually been agonizing anyway over how i wouldn't end up with enough points to get the staff AND the faerie doll#simple choice now. i can have faerie dolls guilt-free
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brush test slash rendering practice with ayem
#morrowind#almalexia#the elder scrolls#tes#tes fanart#art#id in alt#ok that's all the tags this needs ANYWAY#i started this 1. for experimenting with coloring from dark to light#2. because i wanted to draw someone kind of back turned to the camera#3. rendering practice for hair particularly#4. to go from sketch to rendering rather than doing lines to see if that doesn't smooth out my workflow a bit#5. because i've never actually used this brush past flat coloring#and out of those 1. i don't think i had enough of an idea of the palette or process to jump into dark to light painting so i did scrap that#and go with my usual āflat color with one of the mid shadow tones add shadows add lightā#i do think that painting from shadows out is a thing people do digitally i just think this wasn't the drawing to test it on for me#i think i'd need to look at some other peoples processes and start with a more fleshed out idea of where to go#2 and 3 i think worked out. i'm gradually figuring hair out which i think is sick#4 i also think worked out for me which is also sick because i do get caught on lines a lot. they're fun sometimes but i think some drawings#benefit better from not having them and that it might be a bit faster#and of course everything i do is so that i can draw slightly faster and better for next artfight#as for 5. i have mixed feelings on this brush but that might be because i hate change. and also because i started this drawing on the 15th#of november and finished it yesterday. so im kind of just sick of working on and looking at it#it was a valuable learning experience and i think it came out well! i am also going to drop to my knees and rejoice when i can finally#close this file out and free medibang paint from under it so i can work on Literally Anything Else#thank you almalexia for being my test subject i should've used a reference for your armor when i did the sketch but i didn't#maybe the crown looks weird because of it maybe it doesn't. not my problem anymore i can draw other elves again#my art#iiii think i forgot a my art tag last time
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thereās blood in the water, thereās blood in the water
kenny ortega, descendants / the crane wives, the crooked, the cradle
#descendants#this ended up being more about mal than i wanted it to#but itās not my fault the mouse doesnāt let anyone else get any screen time š#ANYWAY. THIS SONG IS SO THEM#i might make some more weaves from this song bc itās soooooo#but iāve been wanting to do this for ages AND I FINALLY HAVE FREE TIME AGAIN YIPPEEEEE#i just think. when the cradle still burns like a hole in my chest.#can anyone hear me? can anyone hear me? etc#i just think. only being understood by someone you hate. someone who you donāt want to be.#but they also donāt understand you bc youāre nothing like them and you donāt WANT to be them#but the cradle will have always held you. you can never change that#descendants web weaving#core four#rotten four#jay son of jafar#mal bertha#evie grimhilde#carlos de vil#yes this is crane wives propaganda#LISTEN TO THEIR SONGS. PLEASEPLEASPLEASPLEASEEEE
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why arenāt there more concepts around the overlord being absolutely terrifying. horror-movie level eldritch being. the embodiment of DARKNESS and EVIL ITSELF should be a terrifying entity not only psychologically but also physically
#the overlord is. so interesting to me.#I want them to be this specific brand of terrifying#which I mean. like I say this as if I donāt want that of half the ninjago villains#kinda being fed finally with people making nadakhan scary which Iāve been wanting since I discovered that bitch can shapeshift#thank you bbnb and the sham#but any shapeshifter in ninjago should be fucking scary#all the oni? should be terrifying including mystake#ALSO THE GHOSTS MORE SCARY S5 ART#anyways I lost my train of thought the overlord should and could be so scary#shakes them around I need. to hyperfixate on them#someone hit me over the head with season 2 3 and crystalized#anyways#Iām gonna. do stuff eventually iām about to leave for work but when I get free timeā¦ā¦..#the overlord#Ninjago#lego ninjago#spinjitsu screams
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I think it says something that you got to see everyoneās dead body and were forced to be a participant to Curlyās torture at the hands of Jimmy but we donāt get to see him dead.
You donāt get to see the satisfaction of seeing the true cause of all the pain everyone went through get a single consequence and itās so hollow. You donāt get a panning shot of his body, you donāt get splatter to show you it was messy. It just happens and then youāre just left there with all the remnants of what happened and unable to do anything because itās over. Itās done and you donāt get to do anything about. Itās how Curly feels about what he didnāt do. Itās how you feel as you pilot Jimmy and can do nothing to stop him.
Itās how those affected by people like Jimmy feel after itās all done. Seen some sort of due process or justice after every painful little thing. It doesnāt feel like enough after every, cause maybe it wasnāt enough. Or rather, it wasnāt done soon enough.
#like curly just watches as heās finally free from Jimmy but left with all he did and all he didnāt do#itās just so hollow cause it took so long that even if he got something deserved you canāt undo what he did and like#idk I feel like thereās something in the deliberate ways Jimmy is malicious like taking time and not even second guessing#no hesitating to crash the ship like he had so many chances to think of it was the right thing from angling the ship to disengaging the auto#pilot to letting curly run in instead of stopping him like#he couldāve been stopped and thatās where Curly failed but everything after? everything he said curly couldāve fixed if he just fixed the#initial slight? he chose to do deliberately he knew how dangerous the vents were#he had to go out of his way to get Daisuke in there and how he purposely chooses when to call Anya Nurse Anya or just her name#like grrr when I CATCH YOU JIMMY#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing
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She could be tying her hair back for any number of reasons ...
#The Sims 4#Sims 4#TS4#intramoon#this sequence of photos wasnt suppose to suggest anything#but after i finished it i feel like it kinda does#or my brain is rotten which in that case my bad#but i love seeing sims do mundane#things like tying their hair up#dying their hair#painting their names etc#finally have free time for sims#got that job#was very off#manager was asking my clothing size in front of#my coworkers which i didnt want to answer#but couldnt figure out how to get out of it?#maybe im over reacting but it made me feel weird#amongst many other things#got another interview at another job i wanted more#turned out to be a 20 person group interview??#a girl i met their got my number we've been friendly chatting#havent heard back yet so we're not sure we got in or not#got a newsroom award which was sweet#quit the first job today#very hectic#when i just want to daydream about the sims
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congration
you done it
#collapses to the ground and turns into 32 perfectly cut tomahawk steaks on impact#today was. a lot of things skjdflgjdfgh#i didn't think it was possible to pull your pectoral muscles just. sitting down.#but i guess that's what happens when your college packs you guys like sardines for the ceremony#i'm still not free yet ! ! ! !#i have a major portfolio project to finish (unrelated to degree) ! ! ! !#but the longest leg of the journey is finally complete and will ensure i can at least get my foot in the door now#god though. i'm tired. i've been at this for like 8 years now.#what pursuing a degree part time while working and also dealing with sudden trauma will do to a man#also weird to think that i am just. no longer a student now.#i'll be a student again in like 2 or 4 years when i go back for my next degree but like#damnb. ya boy graduated college.
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i just think if roles were reversed and buck was the one saying those gay ass lines to eddie, eddie wouldve proposed like four seasons ago
#like if buck had a kid and he said to eddie ātheres no one in this world i trust with my kid more than youā eddie wouldve given him head#if buck had written him into his will and said ābecause eddie (cuz im sorry but buck loves eddies name too much to not use it)#you act like youre expendable but youre wrongā eddie wouldve been like on his knees begging for buck to move in already#or if eddie did something reckless and after told buck he had to do it and buck just looked at him fondly and said āi know you didā#eddie wouldve dragged his ass to the nearest jewelry store to get them matching rings#or if someone off handedly mentioned how long he was dead/underground/uhhh bleeding out from his gunshot wound#and buck corrected them and said āum no actually it was 3 minutes and 17 before we got to the hospitalā eddie wouldve done unspeakable#things to him in the bathroom of that underground poker club#or if eddie came out to buck and buck gave him a similar supportive little talk and said āthis doesnt change a thing between usā#eddie wouldve been like āuh no actually it does get in the fucking car rnā and driven them to the courthouse so they could get married#basically#eddie says the gayest shit to buck all the time but buck just hears it as Normal Bro Things because hes never had a normal friend before so#he had nothing to really compare it to#but if buck were to say this kinda gay shit to eddie#eddie would immediately be like oh youre in love with me because eddie is a romantic and knows declarations of love when he hears them#however#buck communicates his feelings with flirting but eddie is fucking stupid and has no game and no rizz and doesnt realize hes flirting#eddie communicates his feelings with grand declarations of love but buck is fucking stupid and doesnt realize people actually care about hi#they need to flip communication styles and then theyll realize#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#get him out of there#let eddie free so he can finally have game#omg no or if eddie had done something that kinda pissed buck off and buck just looked at him after eddie apologized and said āofc i forgive#youā well there wouldve been something freaky going on in the firehouse closets that halloween#me thinks
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for my naruto high school au! heres an updated relationship map of the teens + the teachers
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and heres my queer headcanons for the teens i havent drawn yet!
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#i was rambling with oomf about my au (<3) and remembered i havent shared these updated yet!!!!#omg#feel free to ask anything u want about these btw :D#AND I GOT INSPIRED TO DRAW SOME COMICS FOR THIS AU lets see if i can do it soon cause uni is consuming all my time#ALSO need to do more things with akatsuki cause i LOVEEE them#ill do a map of them or something when i finally get to pain and konan#anyway#naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto au#alternate universe#high school au#naruto high school au#my art
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Did someone draw Team Free Will Arcane style?
I repeat. Did someone draw at least Destiel Arcane style?
#I finally finished watching season 2#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#and I had this vision since the first episode#I NEED it#and I'm not talented enough to do it myself#nor have the time to do so#pleaaase#team free will#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn#supernatural#arcane x supernatural#it might be niche though#like jinx is so sam especially when he has his demon blood addiction#vi it's dean obviously often angry and fighting#and caitlyn is cas getting influenced by his responsabilites as an angel#and of course destiel could have sex in a prison cell too#calling for#destiel art#destiel fanart#my random thoughts about destiel#my random thoughts about spn
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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https://www.tumblr.com/necrotic-nephilim/761747687384252416/i-dont-care-how-much-you-hate-me-you-need-to?source=share
so i'm imagining that tim gets free
(maybe it's steph who's on the outs with tim and doesn't believe him about bruce but sure as fuck doesn't approve of whatever the hell this is or maybe it's damian who's jealous that tim is getting any so much of dick's attention despite the fact that he's the heir and robin)
regardless tim gets the fuck out of gotham and goes on his international art theft adventure to find bruce
unfortunately for everyone dick processes to lose his shit and now damian (and steph to a lesser extent) is doing for dick what tim did for bruce
also a lot of heroes are drawing parallels between this and b reaction after jason died
anyway tim gets his proof (and get saved by jason bc jason's looking at dick all "this is really creepy actually and i don't want you anywhere near tim despite how bad our relationship is")
tim then goes to green arrow with his proof because he knows that man would call dick out no matter what costume he's wearing and he actually does an ok job with all the kids he picks up
there's a jla meeting and dick sees tim and is just as unstable as tim guessed he would be and it's pinging everyone's radar as A Problem now
but obviously they get bruce back and no this is his problem bc literally everyone in the league is like "pls keep dick away from tim, his behavior has passed weird and gone into extremely unsettling"
i can't see what happens next bc i can't imagine bruce actually being help but i can see him being a disaster when he tries and that would be funny
this is SO good anon i love all of these things based on that fic so much aaaa
personally when i was writing it, i imagined Jason being the one to break Tim free. not out of wanting to save Tim or anything, but more so seeing it as a chance to make Tim owe him, and just to fuck with Dick. Jason will cause problems because He Can, and while i don't think he would particularly care for the moral implications of Dick holding Tim hostage (Jason was morally all over the place during Dick's Batman era i fear) he's just morbidly curious. that said the idea of Steph being the one to do so is also fun, because for her it *would* be the moral issue as well as caring about Tim. i think the most fun option is somewhere in the middle, where Jason and Steph are forced to team up, each with different end goals and not trusting each other whatsoever. so when they succeed and get Tim safely out of Dick's hold, there's a deep disagreement and slight scuffle over what to do now, Jason trying to manipulate Tim further against Dick and onto his side, whereas Steph is just prioritizing Tim's safety. i think it's fun if Tim is slightly mentally broken, just from how long he was held captive and the realization of Dick's feelings at the end fo the fic. so he's distrusting of anyone he's once trusted, even Steph, that he just slips away to focus on getting Bruce back, leaving both Jason and Steph trying to chase Tim. and course, Dick.
because Dick would of course try to get Tim back, again and again. Damian is trying to reel Dick back, just because he wants Dick's attention and he does sort of believe they should focus on Gotham. and then Steph is also trying to distract Dick to protect Tim. so everyone's tail spinning in the most complicated game of cat and mouse. Steph and Damian are forced on the same side, trying to get Dick to focus on Gotham instead of Tim, just for now. Steph is promising to keep an eye on Tim, Damian is insisting Gotham needs Dick's attention and combined, they're able to at least keep his immediate focus away from Tim, giving Tim time to find his proof. Jason having to save him is just *fun*, because it reinforces how sort of helpless Tim is. he's not up on his training and his become soft and with Dick's need to catch up to him eventually, it puts him in a vulnerable spot he would *hate.* he'd despise needing to be saved by Jason of all people. it'd fuck him up so bad, because all the bad things Jason is saying about Dick are technically true and somehow, the world is so flipped upside down that Jason is the reasonable one. i think it'd make Tim isolate more and more, distancing himself from the Batfamily, even the ones he should trust like Steph. sure, he's on the outs with her (likely still upset from the Search For A Hero arc) but she's looking out for him. and maybe he knows it, deep down, but Tim is just terrified of trusting anyone associated with the Bat name.
and since he can't go to the Batfam with his proof, him going to Oliver is *so* fun. i adore any concept where Oliver is the one to notice something is very wrong in the Batfam i swear anon it's like you're connected to my BRAIN. because sure Oliver doesn't *like* Bruce, but even Oliver knows this is fucked up. the story Tim tells him is a horrifying one. Oliver has always done right by his kids, or at least tried his best to. so to know what Dick pulled is horrifying. there's this implicit trust the entire hero community has in Nightwing that would get badly shaken up and i think that's fun. the Justice League meetings about it would be a shitshow. someone like Clark who's as close to Dick as he is would want to at least hear Dick out, try to understand his point of view. maybe Dick was in the wrong, but he had to have been doing this out of a place of concern and Tim's just twisted up about Dick's intentions. at the very least, trust in Dick is shattered but no one can agree on what to do, if they can do anything at all. it's agreed to keep TIm safe and away from Dick and long talks are had with Dick, but Dick is disturbingly good at being charming and manipulative, convincing them all he's sorry and he knows he took it too far, it's just the stress of the mantle that got to him.
and Bruce coming back would further complicate things in such fun ways. because Bruce will *always* protect and side with Dick. yes, he's worried about Tim, but he refuses to let any negative blowback hit Dick for this. because sure, Bruce would've never done that, but also, Bruce has done equally shitty things so, he's also not going to fully question it. Dick made a judgment call in the heat of the moment, and now, Bruce is going to defend his right to do so. it sends the League even more out of control, because they didn't expect Bruce to be so deeply on Dick's side. the phase "what would Bruce think?" got thrown at Dick a lot by all of them and now, well. they look a bit like fools for it because Bruce has made it clear what he thinks is that Dick had the right to make the call he thought was best as Batman. so while Dick is socially exiled, he doesn't face any *real* consequences. he's still in hero society and is respected as Nightwing and allowed to exist on the League. Dick just patiently waits for it all to blow over because eventually, there's always something more important to focus on that will make people forget about this outside of just a weird bad mistake Dick made.
and the longterm for TIm is fun. because I think he'd keep his distance from Gotham and Bludhaven, mostly keeping around Oliver, given Oliver is one of the few League members still refusing to let it all go, and it gives Tim some kind of safety net. but i think Dick would still try to pursue Tim. Dick would convince himself he just went about it the wrong way, he came on a little too strongly and he can still fix it. he keeps harassing Tim and trying to get Tim to like him back, making it clear he has no real regret for his actions. i think it's fun if Tim is forced to fake a relationship with someone else to get Dick to leave him alone. maybe Jason, maybe Steph. (honestly, this being JayTimSteph could be fun) and that fake relationship ends up developing into something more real, which would make Dick *insanely* jealous. i'm torn between Dick actually taking it too far (possibly forcing himself on Tim) or keeping his distance because both are fun. i'm partial to him forcing himself on Tim, just for the fucked up non-con that Tim has to cope with, knowing nothing he does will get Dick to leave him alone. he learns the best ways to stay safe, but it essentially kills his ability to have a vigilante career bc it puts him too out in the open. he takes a more Oracle-esque role (Tim working with the Birds of Prey could be a lot of fun) and always lives in some kind of fear of Dick catching up to him. it's so fun and fucked up that even when Tim escapes, he doesn't really and he knows it.
#necrotic answerings#dicktim#potential jaytimsteph#dead dove do not eat#batcest#this is SO fun anon you had so many good ideas#sorry I took a second to answer this#I couldn't decide if I wanted to write a fic for it#the answer is I don't have time rn#but I may come back to it!#bc you brought up such good concepts in all this#I just love Tim getting out but not really ever being free yk?#he's too on edge to relax even if dick does finally give up#it's crunchy.#anyhow I need to shower bc i'm busy as hell today. I'm getting drunk lads.#saying that at 6 am is concerning.#anyway I like the idea of like. everyone knows it's fucked up but no one is willing to make dick face Real Consequences#esp when Bruce is backing him up#so fucked up and fun I tell you
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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