#but when a game fucks up in a non-rage inducing way I find it very endearing

[no-light-left-on]

finished replaying dh2 it's still a great game the bugs only add to it but I am still not over the lack of Corvo-Emily time we get in this game. like wdym 'I'll explain everything now ROLL CREDITS'

[britishassistant]

I wonder what the supervillains (the dorm leaders) would do if they get switched with their other self in Twisted Wonderland.

They'll meet a younger Yuu calls them senpai and probably get shivers when they hear someone shout Prefect but then realize its Yuu's role in that world.

Bonus would be if Yuuken's there too, sharing the dorm with Yuu.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

I decided to take a little inspo from my Villainous Paranoiac series for this one! Not a whole lot, but the idea of Twisted Wonderland Yuu being put in the infirmary after the events of Chapter Five!

(Also consider it non-canon, since it kinda involves everyone’s identities being exposed!)

Basically imagine that the supervillains find themselves in what looks like a private school infirmary, late at night. The air is buzzing with a strange energy, almost like the powers back in their home world, but...different, somehow.

The room nearly empty, save for one occupant in a cot close to the door.

Poison Queen and King immediately begin bickering over whose fault this mess is, while Royal Flush tries to get them to keep their voices down or else they’ll be detected. Charon is half a minute from going to curl up in a corner, clutching his freeze ray like a lifeline, while Octo Dealer and Snake Charmer are busy inspecting their surroundings for anything of value or that can be requisitioned into a weapon on short notice.

Tsunotaro has wandered over to inspect the sole other living being in the room with them.

He is pleasantly surprised to see what looks like a younger version of the reporter he’s so fond of, fast asleep in the infirmary cot. Their cheeks still retain the last bit of baby fat from childhood, and there’s some acne left that will fade with age. He may give one cheek a gentle poke, just to satisfy his curiosity. The sleepy mumble they let out is a little more high pitched than normal, but that’s the reporter’s voice alright.

He is less pleased to see dark circles under their eyes, or the bandages around their throat that stink of medicinal salves. If this truly is a younger version of his child of man, then why do they look so worried, even in sleep? Why are they injured and sleeping in this place of healing in the first place? They’re a mere child, barely old enough to operate a vehicle or live alone. Their only worries should be trivial things, not whatever is causing this furrow in their brow and hunch in their shoulders.

The other supervillains have begun to migrate over to where Tsunotaro is crouching in silent contemplation. King flips his eyepatch up to get a better look, whistling lowly. Octo Dealer busies himself with refilling their water glass, sneaking glances at them as he places it within easy reach. Snake Charmer pulls their pillow more under their head from where it’s almost slipped off. Poison Queen straightens the arrangement of the very tasteful bouquet on the bedside table, so the flowers’ best angle is shown to the bed’s occupant. Royal Flush carefully tucks their covers in over them.

Charon takes a picture with his tablet.

He forgot to turn off his flash.

Yuu cracks their eyes open...

To see seven adults looming over their bed in masks that resemble the ink from the overblots that haunt the Prefect’s nightmares.

Cue terrified screaming.

Snake Charmer lunges forward instinctively to cover Yuu’s mouth—

It’s only thanks to Poison Queen yanking him back that he doesn’t end up with an arrow in the shoulder.

Several more follow the first one through the window above the prefect’s cot, cold iron sharp and perfectly aimed to seriously maim if the supervillains don’t immediately get away from the screaming teenager. Rook was lax in protecting the Trickster after VDC ended, assuming there was no more danger after Roi du Poison’s overblot was saved. He will not make that mistake again.

The infirmary doors burst open, a younger Yuuken in a sleep-rumpled uniform barging in from where he decided to sleep outside because Ramshackle felt too empty and quiet to bear, but was forbidden from staying in the infirmary himself. He only has a pillow, but he brandishes it at the strange adults, fully willing to defend his dorm mate in whatever way he can.

The vanguard appears in a flurry of bats though, too many to fight off, small and vicious and furious. Their commander materializes in the center if the swarm, hovering over the head of Yuu’s cot, pink eyes brimming with a cold rage that makes his small and cute form look like it’s bursting at the seams holding something much older and angrier back. He opens his mouth, fangs long and glistening—

Only to stop short at the sight of one of the supervillains. “Malleus? Malleus Draconia?”

Tsunotaro nods warily.

“Wh-What in Twisted Wonderland are you wearing??”

Tsunotaro ducks his head like a chastened child. “I could say the same thing.” He mutters sullenly.

From there the lights get turned on, and the seven supervillains are made to explain themselves to the sleep-deprived students and staff who trickle in to see what’s going on. All six dorm leaders and one vice dorm leader vanished from their beds, setting everyone on high alert until news of these...alternate versions spread.

It is very weird for the supervillains to see all their minions as teenagers (again in some cases). It is only surpassed by how weird it is for everyone else to see their dorm heads and vice head all grown up and adult, even if they are dressed weird.

Ortho still wants to shoot them with a beam until they bring back his nii-san. Luckily Charon is able to convince him that Idia should be fine if he’s in Charon’s lair—he’s got plenty of the latest games, manga and tech for him to play with, so that should keep him occupied for a while.

Sebek is in a state of Malleus awe. He has shut down and will not restart. Silver has taken to pinching himself just to make sure this isn’t a Lilia’s cooking induced fever dream, while Lilia himself scolds Tsunotaro that he raised him better than to go around watching people sleep like that! Tsunotaro tries to use the “but I’m a supervillain” excuse, only for Lilia to shoot back “and I’m a war criminal in some nations, what’s your point?”

King is enjoying watching the overgrown lizard get scolded. Now if only the tiny Ruggie would stop asking him what injury the eyepatch is for, and making remarks about how embarrassing it would be if it were totally pointless—King does not pay his adult self so much to put up with this shit. The baby Jack also needs to stop demanding to know if his adult minion self can pull a sled faster than a moose or something...

Jade and Floyd are attempting to wind up the adult Octo Dealer, trying to see how much they can get away with compared with the normal Azul. Octo Dealer is legitimately at a loss as to how this world’s Azul doesn’t keep them in line without letting them turn to a crime or two. Then he learns about Azul’s contract business and feels a pang of commiseration and understanding.

Poison Queen, Royal Flush, and Snake Charmer are unpleasantly shocked when their dorms address them by their respective secret identities in front of their fellow supervillains out of the blue.

Poison Queen has to put up with King’s uncontrolled laughter as he finally understands the full extent of the incident with White Neige so long ago, while Tsunotaro tries to tell him he liked Schoenheit in his role as the evil dragon prince in the GaoGao dramatization. Royal Flush is about two seconds away from throttling Octo Dealer if the bastard doesn’t stop trying to make a deal to guarantee his mother doesn’t learn about her son’s private activities. Snake Charmer’s just glad his civilian identity flies under the radar enough that Charon has to try and look him up to understand who he is (and fails because he’s not on school wifi and his cellular data is bust).

Poison Queen is also getting a headache from Rook rhapsodizing about how his villain form is another, enhanced mode of beauty he is fortunate to lay eyes upon, as if he hadn’t been willing to skewer Poison Queen along with the rest of the supervillains five minutes ago. He’s at least able to amuse himself by letting Epel run away with his speculations about how he’s the buff hyper-masculine muscle for Poison Queen.

Kalim is crying that Jamil had to resort to becoming a villain in his home world! He must be so sad if he has to do that! He’s mildly cheered up when Snake Charmer tells him they work together on schemes, and that Snake Charmer is actually reasonably happy with his chosen vocation—and then he begins panicking that Jamil will like that world so much, he won’t want to come back.

Royal Flush is glad his counterpart at least has good people around to look after him, even if it is odd to have young versions of Trey and Cater trying to mother hen him despite the fact that he’s the older one now. At least Ace and Deuce acting up seems more fitting now considering their age than it ever did on their adult selves.

Ace huffs a sigh and leans on Yuu’s shoulder. “This is a mess, huh Prefect?”

“You said it.” Yuu replies. “I just wanna sleep forever.”

The supervillains go still.

“I’m sorry,” Snake Charmer says carefully. “But isn’t Enma-san the Prefect?”

“No?” Yuuken replies, confused. “Yuu’s the prefect of Ramshackle Dorm. I’m their vice— or would be, if we had any other students apart from them, me, and Grim.”

Octo Dealer laughs, sounding slightly strained. “Ah, apologies, but you see, that isn’t possible. It can’t be. Yuu isn’t��”

“But I am the prefect, Azul-senpai.” Yuu the Prefect says. “I’ve–I’ve always been the prefect.”

There’s a stunned silence.

Royal Flush places his head in his hands. “What the fuck.”

Back in the Supervillain AU universe, Yuu the Reporter sneezes sharply while trying to wrangle five frightened teenagers, one frightened-but-playing-tough twenty year old, and one confused however-old-he-is-but-younger-than-Tsunotaro fae.

They wonder what the chill down their spine is.

[thefightingbull]

Well... That Was Unexpected (Teaser)

Thanksgiving. It didn’t seem like much, but since Jason had made amends with the family, it had become the single most important holiday of the year. Spending time at the manor and eating a home cooked meal that Steph and Alfred would likely spend hours working on the day before and the day after was a requirement. Or maybe they’d just cater it this year… He thought he’d heard something about that.

The only problem Jason foresaw with the upcoming event was that he was without a date. The year prior only Tim had a date in Steph. Bruce, Dick, Alfred, and Barbara were all single. Unfortunately for him, Barbara and Roy were dating, Bruce insisted that Selina show up, Alfred and Dr. Thompkins were an item and Dick was officially official with Kori again. Hell, even Damian was “dating” some girl from school and of course all of them would be at the dinner.

He scrolled through his contact list and sighed. He did not want to be the only solo act in the manor. It was hard enough being the undead Robin. Harder being the only one who’d been an enemy to his family at one point. The one who’d nearly killed some of them… He shook off the thought.

He was over the past. So was his family. He just didn’t want to be reminded of yet another way he didn’t fit in. He had to find someone, anyone to date. But who?

With a sigh he pocketed his phone and walked into the diner. He needed to get his head in the game. Some asshat was running around casting spells and causing all sorts of havoc. He’d gotten an alert from Deathstroke earlier that morning asking that they meet up. Apparently, the magician was one of the assassin’s contracts.

He really, really didn’t want to be bait. Magicians, wizards, witches? They all sucked. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d been royally screwed playing bait for a magician. He’d been turned into animals, de-aged, shrunk, aged, and once he’d even been turned into a freaking action figure. Yeah, magic wasn’t anything he liked messing with.

Still, if Deathstroke asked, he would do it. Mostly because he owed the cyclops a massive favor. Nextly, because he actually liked working with him. If Dick had half the brain he claimed to have, he would have watched, listened and learned. He would have come out of the engagements stronger, smarter, and more capable.

Jason was seated in the back of the restaurant in a corner booth, his back to the wall so that he could see the men and women coming inside. He ordered himself a coffee, black. Ever since he’d watched Dick dump diabetes type 2 inducing amounts of sugar in his, Jason had avoided the sweet substance. He didn’t even let people put fake sweeteners in his caffeine.

His eyes glanced upward as a few people came into the restaurant. A few guys and a girl. He looked back down at his coffee and took a sip as a very attractive man approached him. He was taller than most with blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes he’d seen in a long time. His shaggy blond hair and grimace did look a touch familiar but it was the way the man moved that really caught Jason’s attention. He approached with purpose and took a seat at his booth.

“Uh, beach is that way, dude,” he snarked as he pointed toward the coast.

“Shut up, Jason,” the man hissed.

He blinked in surprise as he scowled at the blond before him. “Who…?” He shook his head as he looked over the stranger. Blond hair, like platinum blond hair. The guy had stood at least six foot four and he was built like a fucking terminator, or rather, built like The Terminator. “Holy shit!”

“Took care of a witch a few days ago,” he snapped. “Seems he had a few allies that took offense.”

Jason couldn’t do anything but stare at the man. Did Slade realize how gorgeous he was? Truth be told he’d always had a crush on the older man, but he’d seemed untouchable before. Now, all Jason wanted to do was touch. He tried to refocus on the conversation, but it was difficult.

“What’s your problem?” Slade snapped at him.

“Nothing,” he answered immediately. “Just a little taken back, that’s all.”

Slade sneered. “Yeah, that’s why I need your help.”

“Gotta kiss a real boy to turn back into an old frog?” He couldn’t help but tease the old man.

Those sky-blue eyes rolled as Jason was grabbed roughly by the collar. The speed and the skill warned that despite being a good two or three decades younger than he should be and forced to see out of two eyes, Slade was still very much a dangerous man who didn’t always appreciate the lip.

“Your fairy tales are crossed,” Slade growled low. “I don’t know what the fuck I need, but I do believe the spell will resolve itself eventually.”

As soon as Jason was released, he nodded. “How soon?”

“Couple weeks at least, couple months at the most.” Slade frowned.

“So… What did you need me for?”

“I need to lie low,” he answered quietly. “You’re one of the few capes that owes me a favor and one that won’t drag me to Arkham or Blackgate.”

Jason nodded, but then paused. Wait, did that mean? “Slade,” he whispered as he leaned forward to make sure no one else could hear. “Are your enhancements… you know?”

“Gone?” Slade huffed. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so terrifying. “It’s not something I’m willing to explain.”

“But it leaves you vulnerable,” he reasoned and when he saw the glare added quickly; “Or well, as vulnerable as someone like you can be.”

Slade nodded. “You gonna help me or not?”

He leaned back and nodded. “I’ve got a few places you can hide out, not all of them are dumps,” he explained softly. He noticed a few women were staring at Slade as they passed by, especially the waitress who looked like she was trying to hype herself up. “Do you see the effect you are having on people?”

To Jason’s further surprise, Slade blushed! Like actually blushed. His cheeks turned red and he didn’t even scowl or growl at Jason. Yeah, he was a master of self-control with his enhancements, but it seemed he didn’t have the molecular level of control over his body at the moment.  He wondered if Slade was even aware of the way his cheeks turned red.

He was about to ask when the waitress finally sidled over. “Anything I can get you, handsome?” She grinned.

Slade jaw ticked as his fists clenched on the table. “He’ll have coffee, black and a Denver omelet. I’ll have the biscuits and gravy.”

The woman pouted a little, but made off to get their order put in. “Thanks,” Slade grumbled.

“This is really throwing you off your game, isn’t it?” Jason didn’t smile. He absolutely bit back the temptation to continue pestering the man about his predicament and be an adult about it.

Slade didn’t answer, obviously working on trying to control himself. Whatever he tried; it didn’t work. If looks could kill, Jason would be a dead man. The narrowed eyes, the unholy sneer on his lips? It was intense and not something Slade had been prone to in the past unless he wanted to strike fear into the hearts of any surrounding him.

“Jason,” Slade started, but was interrupted by the shout of another.

“Jay!”

Slade turned and Jason looked toward the front where Dick and his partner Devon Peterson had just entered. His brother was all smiles as he and the other cop approached them. He looked down at Slade and Jason almost wondered if Slade’s non-existent cover had already been blown. To be fair, Dick had the most familiarity with the assassin. They’d been enemies, reluctant allies, and had briefly shared a partnership in which Slade had tried to be something of a mentor.

If anyone had known what Slade looked like as a young man, Dick would make the most sense.

“Who is this?” Dick smiled as he looked down at the younger version of his former antagonist.

Slade looked like he was going to tease Dick as he was so used to doing, so Jason kicked him beneath the table. “Hey Dick, this is,” he glanced at Slade to be sure there would be no retaliation and to try and think. “This is uh… Well, he’s…” Shit. Maybe he should have allowed Slade to speak.

The only problem was that Jason had never trusted Devon. He’d been Dick’s partner for a year and seemed shifty as fuck. He frowned and looked to Slade, trying to impress upon him the knowledge or paranoia he had about the other cop. Not that Slade was a fan of cops anyhow. They usually made his life a touch more difficult than necessary.

“Fuck, you know what,” he stalled as he formed a really half-assed plan. “This is my boyfriend.”

Devon’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re gay?”

“Wow, Jay, really?” Dick smiled. “How long?”

“C-couple of months. I just… you know how I am with relationships… I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. You know what vultures the media can be.”

Dick nodded; the poor guy knew better than most, he really did. Jason almost felt bad for the oldest of Bruce’s kids. He’d been under a microscope the moment he turned eighteen. Tabloids ran a story on anyone they thought he might be dating and definitely anytime he’d broken up with them. Hell, there’d even been an article devoted to all of Dick’s one-nightstands a few months back.

“You gonna introduce me to your boyfriend?” Dick smiled, he and his partner still standing beside their table. Devon looked bored and a little irritated, but Dick was practically glowing.

“This is… Lance,” He almost cringed but frowned when he saw the furious expression on Slade’s face.

He couldn’t help it though. Slade looked like some kind of New Kid on the Backstreet or something. He was absolutely gorgeous and the first name that popped into his head was Lance. He was so fucking dead. Slade Wilson, who already had a porn star’s name, was now Lance.

“Hi, Lance, I’m Jason’s brother, Dick,” he offered his hand to Slade.  

Lance hid the rage from his eyes as he looked up at and took the offered hand. “That’s not my name. Your asshole brother just insists on calling me that because he thinks I look like a boyband loser,” Slade sneered. “My name is Liam, Liam Kelly.”

Dick laughed and nodded. “Yeah, Jason’s always been a bit of an ass,” he nudged Jason’s shoulder as he spoke. “Well, we’re just grabbing our breakfast to go, but it was a pleasure meeting you, Liam. I hope we see you at dinner this Sunday.”

“I doubt I’ll be in town,” Slade started.

“He’ll be there,” Jason insisted. “Now get outta here before your partner strangles you or something.”

Devon rolled his eyes before turning from them and walked back to the front of the diner without Dick. Jason really, really hated the guy. He wondered how corrupt the officer was. If he was just an asshole or if he was dirty, or maybe even a mole for someone.

“Sounds great!” Dick grinned to Liam. “Catch you later, Jay!”

As soon as he was out of range, Slade had him by the collar again. “What the Hell do you think you’re doing, Jason?”  

“Protecting you and doing myself a favor at the same time,” Jason explained. “Look, the family is always on me about not taking anything seriously. If they think I have a real boyfriend instead of some throwaway lover, they’ll stay off my ass for a bit. You dump me in front of them, like at Thanksgiving dinner at the end of the month? Dude, they’ll leave me alone for the rest of the season at the very least!”

“So, this will be your payment for allowing me to lie low? Putting my new persona in danger just so that you can have a date to some holiday functions coming up over the next four weeks?” Slade definitely looked against it. Still, Jason could only nod. “Fine, but you embarrass me or fuck me over in any way, and I swear I’ll gut you.”

[themattress]

Was at a bookstore and...

I would like to make a formal apology to Tomoco Kanemaki. It turns out that her authorized fanfiction is NOT, in fact, the most cringe-inducing Kingdom Hearts material ever published.

That dubious honor actually goes to this piece of shit:

If the cover didn’t clue you in, it’s from a cheap, unofficial publishing firm called Boss Fight Books that specializes in having fans of certain video games writing books about said game. The book on KH2 is written by Alexa Ray Corriea, who is the most stereotypical dumbass, trashy KH fangirl / KHInsider member you could possibly find. The contents of the book are:

Six Days Later: An Exercise in Futility with a Boy Named Roxas - She tries justifying the notorious prologue of the game, but in the worst possible way: by focusing on the character of Roxas himself and his existential angst, which was one of the biggest complaints about the prologue to begin with! I know this is a matter of opinion, but you would think she’d attempt a better defense more on the lines of this video, something that people seldom think about. 

Nobodies and Somebodies - Oh, joy. The typical fangirl romanticization of Nobodies and their angsty plight, and the Draco in Leather Pants treatment toward Organization XIII. Ugh.

Riku and Redemption, Or, What Doesn't Kill You - Her Riku fangirlism explodes in this chapter, to the point of breaking the book’s rules. She’s supposed to just talk about KH2 specifically, and yet in order to talk up Riku’s redemption arc, she has to talk about several other games since, if you’re just going by KH2, the bulk of Riku’s redemption is completely off-screen and he only shows up in person to finish it in the final world & battle of the game. Sora is the main character of the game, and yet he doesn’t get a chapter focused on him! 

Gone Girl - And here’s the fangirl misogyny masquerading as feminism! Alexa is clearly part of the KHInsider cult that is always tearing down the “hated bland love-interest” Kairi in order to prop up the “safer and relatable” (read: angsty and socially withdrawn) Namine despite them objectively being the same characterization-wise through both hypocrisy and sheer dishonesty: she lies by omission or just flat-out lies in order to make her points work.

Examples: Omitting Kairi choosing to enter the dark portal, the fact that canonly she got away from Axel on her own (she lies and claims Saix just took her from Axel ala the non-canon novel and manga), and that she jumped off a balcony to save Sora from the Heartless before getting her Keyblade in order to claim she never shows bravery or initiative. Credits Namine for saving Kairi but not Kairi for reuniting and later saving Sora and Riku. Blatantly lies by saying Namine had agency and “flexed her powers freely” in CoM, completely omitting that she was a slave to Marluxia until the very end. Says it’s sexist for Kairi to be there to speak words of emotional comfort and gratification to Sora like “you’re home”, but praises Namine for giving words of emotional comfort and gratification to Roxas. Says it’s sexist for Kairi and Namine to keep “changing hands” of different keepers, but that it’s offset for Namine by her “having agency” in defying DiZ to help Roxas and saving Kairi (while, again, omitting all of Kairi’s acts of agency.)  And claiming that Namine is the kind of girl Kairi wishes she was when canonly it’s the opposite: Namine is a mousy, weak-willed servant at first and ends up channeling Kairi as she grows and develops.  Also, she brings up Aqua, who is not in KH2.

Bad Romances and Rad Bromances - Related to the previous chapter, this is the inevitable yaoi fangirl chapter that gushes over Sora/Riku and Axel/Roxas. Kairi and Sora/Kairi are shit on with more lies and omissions (ignoring that Sora knew Kairi was safe and didn’t know if Riku was, ignoring that he did frequently fret about Kairi once he knew she was captured, disingenuously underplaying the emotion between Sora and Kairi’s own reunion, and again ignoring that Kairi single-handedly made that reunion happen AND saved the boys’ lives at the end of the game solely because she and Sora are so close.) The Axel/Roxas part is no better, as she glorifies and romanticizes Axel’s actions over Roxas in the game even though canonly it’s disturbing, unhealthy, and ultimately tragic, and ignoring Roxas’ feelings entirely. 

And she also thinks there was a Sora/Kairi/Riku love triangle when, LOL, no, there wasn’t.

Long Live the King - An analysis on...King Mickey? Look, I love Mickey too, but I’m at a loss as to why he gets a chapter while Sora, Donald and Goofy (who deserve a chapter if not just to point out how their names are spammed in that exact order throughout the game) don’t. 

A Kid's Game? - Trying to use the dark stuff and tough gameplay to defend the game from being labeled a “kids’ game”...except that this book was written and published recently. This isn’t the early days when there was only one KH game, people have understood that the KH series attracts fans of all ages for YEARS now. Look at all of the hype among adults for KH3 coming out! That she actually seems to think that the “kids’ game” label is something that’s thrown around at the series anymore gives me so much secondhand embarrassment. 

What the Hell is Kingdom Hearts Anyway? - Oh, wow. She actually tries to make sense of Nomura’s convoluted bullshit in this chapter. And it’s every bit as pretentious as it sounds.

Coda - This last one is possibly the most stupefying and rage-inducing of them all. It’s the coda, the final chapter of her book, and what does she use it for? More cringey, unabashed Riku fangirling! In fact, she decides to claim that Riku, not Sora, is the REAL main protagonist of the KH series...not just as an opinion, mind you, but as a FACT, saying that he’s much more “relatable” (again: code for angsty) than Sora. Sora is casually dismissed and objectified as just some unachievable ideal who is only interesting through his relationship with Riku. So yes, in a book about Kingdom Hearts II, she wraps it up by singing the praises of a character who really only shows up in the final level of the game, propping him up at the expense of the actual main character you spend the game playing as. What a load of tripe.

Fuck this book and fuck Alexa Ray Corriea, I want her to rot in the Realm of Darkness.

[sassysweetstories]

Empress Part 5

Summary: You’re apart of the 100. You’re very bad-ass and don’t take shit from no-one. However, the longer you’re on earth, the more complicated things become.

Ship: Bellamy Blake x Fem!Reader, Dimitri!Grounder x Fem!Reader 

Warnings: fluff, angst, swearing, minor smut, fighting, blood, gore, etc. 

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners. i realize not all of this is side by side accurate to the show, bare with me. i hope you enjoy!

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw @anamcg317@bellasett@queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist @beingmadinwonderland@princessisabelle19

Your P.O.V

A few hours have passed since the drug induced nuts were ingested. The kids have stopped showing signs of disillusion or a high state of mind. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed until I saw the sun setting. All of a sudden, two bodies stumbled into our home. It took me a second to realize that it was Bellamy and Clarke, both bloody and bruised. What the hell happened? The second Clarke sees me, she gives me a faint smile before running up to embrace me with relief. Out of my peripheral, Octavia runs over to her brother before pulling him into a tight embrace. 

Once he pulls away, I proceed to escort the two of them to a more secluded area, the med-bay. Due to the minimal wound marks, it doesn’t take me long to fix them up. Clarke stands off to the side as I finish putting away the equipment, speaking low to both Bellamy and I. “Bellamy and I found an abandoned underground tunnel that leads to a facility filled to the brim with guns and other supplies. How are things here? Everyone seemed a little out of it when we came back?” As the words leave her mouth, I feel Bellamy’s chocolate brown eyes drilling into the side of my head as I talk. “We all ingested those nuts. The ones we got a few days ago? I was one of the first to snap out of it. Finn and Octavia soon came after. We helped the rest of them.” 

Bellamy nodded along to my words before telling me something I already knew. “The prisoner is gone. Have you got anything to do with it?” I thought he would say those words in an accusatory manor but instead it sounded more like a plea. When I look back at him and speak, the lie comes off my tongue with ease. Lying at this point is like a game. I’m so good at it, only Sherlock Holmes would be able to read me. “No. I was wandering outside, much like the rest of the group. And when I came out of it, I noticed he had escaped. I was more concerned for the well-being of my people if I’m being honest. He wasn’t exactly my first priority.” Bellamy almost seems to nod in relief. 

Before either one of them could finish, Raven stormed in, sporting a proud grin. “I got communication with the Arke to stabilize.” Despite the lump forming in my throat, there’s a sense of motherly pride that seems to fester within my heart. “Thatta girl, Raven. Clarke and I will meet you out there shortly.” We watch her run off excitedly. Clarke and I head back to the drop-ship, glancing between her and Bellamy, who is a far distance away now. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been through hell.” I ask her, warily. Clarke’s facade fades and her back relaxes, exhausted from standing up straight for so long. “We were attacked by one of our own. He was promised his families safety if he, Dax I believe, killed us. But we’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. Right now we need to warn the chancellor.” 

I nod along to her words. I didn’t want to be in the same room once they got communication in the clear. There was only one person I wanted to see and for all I know she could be dead. The kids flow through the camp, most of which were finally done with the night. I look over my shoulder to see Bellamy leaving the communication tent looking more relaxed than I’d ever seen. He must’ve been pardoned. I think to myself. I wait outside, not wanting to be anywhere near the lime-light. When Clarke comes out, she’s not as calm as Bellamy was, though I notice that she’s taken it upon herself to announce whomever is requested to see their kids. Usually shouting their names and hoping one of which sticks. 

But when she looks at me, I swear to god I could feel my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. Dear god, please don’t let it be him.. When she locks eyes with me, it is a look of pure curiosity. Instead of yelling, she walks up to me. “Vera Kane requests to see you.” Her words are nothing but soft and I’m glad no one hears her. Nobody has beef with Vera but the last name still shakes a few, myself included. However despite our hushed conversation, I can feel almost everyone’s eyes on me. They don’t press but their curiosity is still there, I can practically feel it. Immediately I drop what I’m doing and walk to the tent. By the time I sit down, I notice my hands are shaking with happy nerves. 

When I look up, she’s sitting right there before me with a small smile. Her cheeks are still rosy as I remember but seem more hallow than before. I’m sure it was due to lack of nutrients. There’s still a twinkle that shimmers in the crooks of her eyes that makes me smile. “Hello beautiful. You haven’t changed a bit.” She says, kindly. I smile from ear to ear, something I haven’t done in a while. “Hey Nana Vera.” We look at one another for a second, just taking in the others physical changes. I am so moved by the distinct but minor differences that I have the urge to cover my mouth to fight off the tears. She seems to understand, hell, she always does, and says, “I know, sweetheart. I miss you too. We’re doing okay up here. Food and water are running low but that’s not exactly new.” 

I nod along to her words, patiently awaiting for her to finish so that I can begin. “How are the people holding up? I’m sure everyone’s swarming you for comfort.” She nods, her eyes almost sad. “Almost everyone comes to hear me speak. The non-believers and the believers, the hopeful and the hopeless.” Without Vera I would be nothing. She saved me countless times.. And what do I do to thank her.. Assault five guards for my own selfish purposes so that I could get away from...him. Noticing my suddenly quiet state, Vera’s brows furrow in concern. “What is wrong my child?” When I look up at her, I expect to see the same look of distaste that I had grown accommodated to but instead all I see is a look of love and worry. 

I sigh, let go and confess to the only person who’s ever really cared about me. “You took me under your wing and cared for me when no one else would. Because you gave me a job, you saved my life, protected me from..” Though I don’t finish, she knows exactly whom I’m talking about. I continue, voice somewhat shaky. “And how do I do to repay you? Assault five officers to get away...” Almost immediately she brushes away my statement as if it had no meaning, not in a diminishing way either. More of a way that proves the words that are as followed. “You did what you had to survive. I love you like my own, sweetheart. I am so proud of you. You are so strong and unstoppable. No matter what happens, I will always be here-” She says, pointing to her heart. 

I find myself smiling at her words. “Now, go make me proud. May we meet again.” I grin and reply simply. “May we meet again.” Though I’m not particularly fond of the mantra we’ve used for more than a thousand years, it means something to the both of us in that moment. Once she leaves, I move and make my way out of the tent. Not long after I get out, a body pushes me off to the side and growls into my ear. “Why were you talking to Vera Kane?” Bellamy. Of fucking course. Just when I thought he was starting to not be a pain in the ass. His breath is hot on my neck and the proximity makes my heart beat quicken. I push him away from me, snarling back. “What’s it to you?! She’s an innocent old lady! Ain’t your mama ever tell you that it’s rude to ease-drop?!” 

I start to walk away, not wanting to listen to anything he has to say. However Bellamy on the other hand is far from done. In fact, he’s only just begun. “My mom was floated because of Marcus Kane! Old lady or not, Vera is no exception! It matters to me if you’re a threat to my people or not-” His statement makes me stop cold in my tracks, scoffing up at his pathetic state. “Your people?! You may scare them, but they are not your people! They don’t trust you! They are not loyal to you! They are loyal to me because they believe someone who cares! Someone worth living to die for! You don’t care about anyone but yourself and your sister! And, last time I checked, Vera isn’t Marcus! So, how ‘bout you stick you nose in someone else’s ass!” 

He steps in front of me, his hulking weight twice my own but not enough to shake me. “You are the biggest pain in my ass! You are so arrogant and annoying!!’ I scoff, sizing him up. “The feelings mutual, princess.” I hadn’t noticed the close proximity until now. Our faces a mere whopping five inches away. I could feel his heavy hot breath washing down on the side of my face. The action made my heart beat quicken. All of a sudden, a few branches break but I don’t bother to turn my head to know who the footsteps belong to. Jasper and Monty share an uncomfortable glance before looking at us and asking, “You guys okay?” I hold Bellamy’s dark gaze despite the fact my voice is directed towards the boys. 

“Bellamy and I were just in the midst of a quarrel, is all.” I turn over my shoulder and walk away from them. Though my legs are long and my strides are quick, it’s not fast enough to get out of Bellamy’s reach. “This ain’t over, princess.” I scoff, shaking my head in anger. “You bet your sweet ass it isn’t.” And with that, we part ways, still both pulsating with rage and distaste for the other. Raven and Clarke share a look as I sit down but don’t comment. I pace back and forth, fuming. “I hate him.” It comes out fast and hot like a bullet. Sleep deprivation is taking its sweet old time with me today. “I hate his arrogant smug, self-conceited attitude! He is so selfish and annoying and- UGH! He just grinds my gears!” I huff before ranting. “He’s such a pain in my ass.” 

Raven snorts as she took a sip from her drink and said. “You mean you hate that you like him.” The second the words leave her mouth, my jaw hits the ground in disgust. Scoffing, I can’t help but rephrase my words. “Where in my previous statement did I said that? I do no like him! He’s just-” I huff. “-He’s such a pain in my ass!” Clarke snickered at the exchange before stating, “It’s in the underlying words. Awe Raven, can you believe it? She’s in love!” I gape at her statement, heat practically rolling off me. But they keep going. “When’s the wedding?!” Raven says with fake excitement. I groan and roll my eyes. “You guys are no help whatsoever.” 

Octavia sits down with us, carrying a few glasses of Jasper’s concoction. “Happy Unity Day, ladies.” I had completely forgotten about unity day which is funny considering it was broadcast-ed incessantly and almost everyone was talking about it. Everyone except me. I had been working all morning and then spoke with Vera to realize our own celebratory holiday. And at this point, it was just an excuse to drink our body weight, which is something I never wanted to do. Raven chugs hers like a monster which is not at all a surprise, cringing at the bitter taste. Her scrunched up facial expression makes me snicker. My brows widen in surprise when I saw Clarke following her actions. 

She gives me a knowing glance before stating. “Bellamy’s right. I need to loosen up a bit.” At the mention of the annoying Blake, I not so subtly roll my eyes in disgust. Octavia’s eyes are not focused on our conversation, and instead, is geared towards something else. “Speaking of Bellamy, why is he staring daggers at you, (Y/n)? He’s been glaring at you for the past twenty minutes.” And sure enough, there he was. Surrounded by his jockey delinquents and a few girls who thrust themselves onto him, craving for his attention as he drank from a cup. I return his gaze with an equally as intense one. Just as I’m about to explain, Raven replied with. “They had a heated argument. And now they’re both wallowing in their own sexual tension- I mean hatred for one another.” 

Clarke snickers at the joke but I don’t. I continue to glare him down, my grip on my drink tightening. As I did, his grip tightened around of the girls that sat almost atop his lap. She giggles obnoxiously and I force myself not to roll my eyes. He smirks as if that’s why I hate him. God, I hate that smirk. It makes me wanna throw a toaster at him. Just as I’m about to look away, he maintains eye contact, whispering something, I’m sure rather dirty, to the girl whom he’s been practically publicly groping with her request. Bellamy’s eyes never leave mine as he cockily takes the girl back to his tent. As if his sex appeal as anything to do with my distaste for him. Before entering the tent, he even has the audacity to wink at me. 

I have to let go of my drink, flexing and tightening my grip to suppress my anger. “No offense, Octavia. But your brother is a cocky know-at-all. Ugh, did you see that? He even smirked at me?! Like, last time I checked I don’t give a shit who he’s screwing. I don’t even like him! His presence makes my skin crawl.” Octavia snorts along with my two other friends. “Yep, they’re in love.” Raven says, simply. Pff, as if any of this was simple. I roll my eyes before heading to my tent. I wouldn’t touch him with a thrity-nine and half foot pole. They call for me to come back but I’m too far gone and I don’t wanna hear any of it. All I want is to sleep but i know that wish is unrealistic. 

It’s quite baren on the outskirts of the camp where my tent is located. It’s much quieter than being right where everyone else is. A lot easier for my trust issues to not flare up. Just as I’m about to enter my tent, I hear a rustle come from a few feet in front of me and my body tenses. I’m prepared to fight but because of the dark, I’m not entirely sure as to what I am intending on fighting. All of a sudden, a hand pulled me into my own tent. I fall back onto the ground but jump up, adrenaline flowing through me. When I look up to meet my attackers gaze, I notice they’re a pair I’m familiar with. Dimitri. “How the hell did you get in here?!” I can’t hide my shock, fear and slight awe. “You need to leave or you’ll get caught! They’ll kill you!” He takes his massive calloused hands in mine, and I’m immediately silenced by his breath-taking words. “You’re worth the chase, princessa.” 

Every time I’m around him, my heart beats out of my chest and it’s like I completely forget how to breathe. It’s a good, wild and sort of dizzy feeling that starts to fester and bubble up in the pit of my stomach. I’m thankful the light in my tent is dim and low, not bright enough to show anyone’s presence, especially two people. I walk past him and poke my head out of the tent, fully prepared for someone to just waltz right in. But Dimitri seems unbothered, nothing if not relaxed. If he’s been watching me and the camp, does he know that I live on the outskirts and that people wouldn’t dare disturb my slumber. He must or it wouldn’t have been easy for him to slip in unnoticed. 

I shut the covers, and turn down the light even lower, even though I knew nobody was going to barge in, my anxiety was getting the best of me. I turn back and scold Dimitri, who decided to make himself comfortable on my bed. “Dimiti, it’s not safe. Why are you here?!” I hadn’t realized until now the lack of articles of clothing he was sporting. He had taken off his two coats, only wearing a tight black shirt that extenuated his muscles and didn’t leave room for the imagination along with tight black jeans. The fabric seemed to be constricting his big thick thighs, but not in a bad way. Oh not at all. The sight alone made my breath hitch. I wanted him. I wanted him so bad. He takes a few steps forward until were only a few millimeters away before saying lowly. “You started something before that I want to finish.” 

The second the words left his mouth, he grabbed my waist, not tightly but enough to pull me into him. I find myself mindlessly pressing my lips to his, tugging his fluffy golden blonde locks. We stand like this for a few seconds, just grazing our fingers over the others body, hoping to elicit some sort of sexual reaction. He takes initiative and pulls me over to my bed before hovering above me. “You are so beautiful, princessa.” Dimitri’s voice is low but meaningful. But despite the heated exchange, I can feel his hands shaking with nerves. I pull him away to cup his face with my hands, meeting his icy blue eyes. “Dimitri, love. What’s wrong? We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. I don’t know what we are.. And I’m not someone that opens easily.. But- But I like this- I like you. Whatever we have going on between us..”

He looks at me for a moment and I think he doesn’t understand my English. Just as I’m about to say something, he presses his lips atop my head. “Princessa, it is against everything I have been taught to be. I am not suppose to have feelings for a Sky person. I have been taught to loath you and your people. And yet, when I am in arms reach to you, I feel unstoppable. I guess, I just want our soul exchange to mean something to the both of us-” I prop myself up onto my elbows, allowing him to sit up properly but I cannot help but ask. “What do you mean by soul exchange?” The second the question leaves my mouth, Dimitri blushed seven shades of red. He rubs the back of his head, attempting to find the right words before stating. 

“When it comes to- uh- intercourse- in your clan, it is different, mindless. There is love in there but most of the time there isn’t. My- uh- my clan is different. Two parties must clarify whether they have romantic or purely sexual entanglements before proceeding to- ya know. But if there is love between the two parties- uh- a ritual is involved. It is when the uh- sex- is performed that the souls of the two exchange and mold into one. It is the most sacred bond, much like a blood bond. When the exchange is made, the couple is bound for eternity. They- they become mates even after we are reborn. If one of the partners were to die, they would keryon exchange- sorry- soul exchange with someone the previous partner chose from to provide a long line of children and to assure the person was okay far after their departure to the new world where they are reborn.” 

Listening to Dimitri talk about this sacred bond makes my heart heart hurt. It is the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. Their love isn’t just some assigned marriage for greed, it is a bond that assures the safety and preserver of others. But a question seems to bother me still. “So why are you nervous? Did you not want to do it?” He shakes his head, lacing our hands together in reassurance. “No, no, no, no, princessa. I- uh- I want to do- uh- things with you but I don’t want it to be heartless. I want both our hearts in this. I hope this isn’t too soon for me to say that I want-” He pauses, almost unsure of himself. “I want to soul exchange with you.. You make me feel whole and like the world cannot push me down. Yu laik ai world.” I can’t help but grin. “What does that mean?” Dimitri shrugs as if it was nothing but I knew it was more. “You are my world.” 

I am so overcome by the emotion he brings out of me, I pull him into me. Instinctively he wraps his arms around my waist as I sit on his lap. “You are my world.” I repeat back into his ear, my voice soft for once in a long time. When I pull away to look at him, I realize this was the first time I’ve been truly calm and collected. Before our soul exchange, I want to get to know all of him. “Will you teach me your language? I want to be closer to you in a way that you can feel closer to me in your own language.” He grins, pecking my face and cheeks and neck in happiness. “Of course, princessa. I would be honored to teach.” For the next hour, we lay with one another like this, smiling and laughing. I’m picking up quickly on the phrases but I know I still have much to learn. 

All of a sudden, Dimitri goes quiet. Glancing upward, I notice his eyes never leave mine. He presses his lips to mine and the movement is slow. We just kiss back and forth, running our hands up and down the other before I take the lead and put Dimitri on his back, placing myself on his lap. In the midst of the heat and the moment, I tear off his shirt and can’t help but admire his pectoral region. He’s ridiculously toned, absolutely exquisite. A few wound marks here and there but they were just as breath-taking. “Dimitir-” I say, breathlessly, pulling away from his moist lips for a slip second. “What do you want to do. Talk to me.” 

He glances down at my bedding, more intrigued by that than putting him on the spot. I take his jaw in my hand, making his blue eyes meet mine. “Love, what’s wrong?” Dimitri blushes but manages to hold my gaze. “I want to soul exchange. But not here. Somewhere sacred. But that doesn’t stop my body from wanting you. I need you.” The way he talks and looks at me drives me wild. I am his god and all he wants to do is pray. Dimitri looks at me like I’m his new religion, sacred and beautiful. He makes me feel whole and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want him because I do. My body does and so does my heart. In a quick movement, I push him down so that he’s laying on his back before straddling his hips. “We don’t have to do anything crazy but this might satisfy you.” 

He doesn’t understand what I mean until I start pushing my pelvis across his member. Due to the thin leggings I had been sporting, my area was drawing slowly across his. Dimitir moaned in appreciation, throwing his head back before resting his hands atop my hips, pushing and pulling to maintain friction. “Taim yu keep disha up, ai'm gonna cum.” He says breathlessly. I believe the translation is: if you keep this up, I’m gonna cum. I kiss up and down his neck, tugging his blonde tuffs before whispering seductively. “That’s the goal. I want you to look down at your mess that you leave and think of me and what I did to you.” He moaned, running his hands up and down my thighs and waits, breathlessly. “Christ, priincessa.” 

The more I kiss and grind onto him, the heavier his breathing becomes. In that moment, it’s just us. The heat transpiring between the two of us alone was stifling. “I’m- I’m gonna-” Dimitri muttered against my lips before pulling my hips even closer to his, which is not something I thought were possible. My core was dripping through my leggings just due to his touch. He moaned so loudly, I fear for a second someone would hear and we would be caught doing something so naughty. He wraps his massive arms around me, coming undone just under my touch. “Christ, princessa. You drive me fucking crazy.” I can’t help but laugh, watching the sweat drip down his cheeks and forehead. He presses his lips to mine, needily before muttering. “You are something else, princessa.” 

After a few more minutes of sweet words being exchanged, I practically force Dimitri to leave. I would rather have him in here, arms wrapped around my waist as I try to sleep. And maybe with him, together we could fight off the nightmares. Oh fuck! I almost completely forgot. The second Dimitri is far gone, I change out of my old clothes but as I’m doing so, I grimace at the sight. Burns and whip lashes rake up and down my body. Dimitri wouldn’t want to soul exchange with me had he known I looked like this. I’m almost glad it hadn’t gone farther than what we did. But if things go farther with him my secrets will be uncovered quickly. I didn’t want to feel his pity or his disgust. That’s all I saw and I was sick and tired of that. Slipping on a new outfit with ease, I head back out to meet Clarke. 

(I hope you guys liked it!! Comment below or message me or inbox me! My doors are always open, whether it’s for advice or just comment on fic in general! I’ll be working on the next part which should come out soon, hopefully!) 

[divinediva13-blog]

Alcoholism

Tonight I want to talk about the affects of Alcoholism and how this impacts Relationships. Before I met my current partner I was with a Man who abstained from Alcohol - Why? Because his Mother was an Alcoholic and he didn’t like what he saw and grew up with - And didn’t want to take the same path as his Mother. 

Many people who choose not to drink alcohol do so for the same reasons - or have seen the severe affects alcohol can induce on the human psyche. 

Growing up I enjoyed nothing more than having a nice cold bourbon at the pub. My Mother did not drink a lot but would drink on occasions, and I guess through my upbringing I knew that getting ‘blind’ wasn’t necessary and was able to have a few drinks here and there without issue. 

When I broke up with my ex partner I met a Man who ticked all of the boxes I wanted in my ideal man. He was charming, he was sweet, flirtatious, easy going , fun loving and very persistent. He and I were also quite drunk the night we met, celebrating a Public Holiday at one of the local pubs in our city. 

Until this point in my life I alcoholism did not directly impact my life. My ex and I had other issues that split us apart, such his lack of motivation and inability to hold down a decent job. It put pressure on our relationship and as a result we split. 

Meeting my new man, and looking to live a ‘new’ life with a fresh start, I recall our first date and him cooking me a glamorous meal and bought over a bottle of champagne. Although by rule of thumb I would not drink with my meals let alone throughout the week, I let my guard down and chose to enjoy the romantic moment in my fresh start. 

That following weekend he came to my house, and he bought with him 3 beers to sit down and drink to watch the footy. This concept was very new to me as I had been with a non-drinker for most of my adult life up until this point. 

I recall thinking to myself that I needed to lighten up as people have social drinks all of the time, and yes I did enjoy a drink or two at times, maybe I had become uptight given my ex-partners alcoholic mother and the values it imposed on him. 

The following week he came to stay and bought over a carton of beer. I was okay with it - after all he had demonstrated sensible drinking behaviours on the occasions I had spent time with him. 

This is where it all began. 

To get to the crux of the matter that I want to talk about, over a period of 3-6 months I progressively noticed his increased drinking habits. 

He worked a 7am - 4pm job and I worked night shift - from 1pm to 11pm. 

The hours we spent together (as he had moved into my unit) consisted of early mornings and late evenings from 11.30am onward. 

Due to the fact I wasn’t home in the afternoon once he had finished work, I didn’t have a problem with him coming home and having a few beers. Understandably I also recognized that by the time I got home, he was extremely tired as he had been up since 7am that morning. However - I started to notice that it wasn’t just tiredness that was making him fall asleep on the lounge before I got home everynight - he was drinking a lot of alcohol while I wasn’t there. 

During the week when I would arrive home, we would have a small conversation and he would pop himself off to bed, which was cool with me. I recall our first argument. It took me completely by surprise. 

It was his sisters birthday and we had been invited to the pub to have dinner and drinks to celebrate. 

I had an early/late shift that night. The dinner started at 7pm and I finished at 9pm. We spoke on the phone that afternoon and I recall him saying to me that he was happy to skip dinner, wait until I came home and we would go there together to have a few drinks after the dinner. I thought it was sweet. 

I came home that evening pumped to go out and spend some time with him and his family - I found a note on the table - it was quite abusive hence the reason I was taken by surprise. 

It stated something along the lines of his brother had come over, they decided to leave early (which was fine with me) and that he didn’t want any bullshit or for me to have a problem with it. And if I did - I could basically go get fucked. 

Not once that night did I have a conversation with him about him leaving early of me having a problem with it. What I did have a problem with was the note he had left me and the abusive message. 

I recall trying to phone him to find out what was going on. At first I honestly thought it was a joke. He didn’t answer his phone. It created an enormous amount of anxiety for me. I felt helpless, confused and unsure of what I had done to deserve this kind of treatment. 

He pocket dialled me by accident - I could hear music in the background and him talking loudly. I thought he had attempted to call me but soon realised what had happened. 

I tried him multiple times again - and finally he picked up. I asked him what the hell was going on, why he had left the note, and where he was. Little did I know at the time he had been drinking all afternoon - was totally innebriated and out of nowhere a rage kicked in. 

He didn’t tell me where he was, he told me he didn’t want me to ruin his night and that he had every right to be out celebrating his sisters birthday without shit from me. 

I was dumbfounded - I had no understanding of where his train of thought came from, why he thought that and why he was being so aggressive toward me. 

I worked out there were only a few venues in town where he could be. Normally I would have just stopped it right there and hung up but I was so upset I wasn’t sure why this had happened and wanted to confront him. 

I found him at one of the local bars - I recall walking up the stairs and he was surrounded by women. He turned over and saw me and then said in a loud voice ‘oh oh - and there she is right now’. 

He had been talking about me to his sisters friends. And he was blind drunk. 

I was embarrassed and furious - we argued in front of his sister and her friends. I felt terrible about causing a scene but just could not understand why he had treated me this way. 

That was the very first time. It ended in a loud argument outside the front of the venue followed by me actually punching him in the face. He was vicious - I was sober. I don’t condone violence either. I soon learned you don’t fuck with a man who is completely drunk and has a trigger switch. 

The next morning... 

He apologised profusely and so remorsefully. I accepted it. It was our first big fight but I had to voice my opinion and ask all the hard questions of how it all eventuated. His response - “I don’t know - It was stupid - I was drunk - I’m sorry - It will never happen again.”

These words have become all too familiar in our continuing relationship over the last 10 years.

I’m not going to go into every single event that has happened in this particular post. There are too many to name. 

Skipping forward to tonight - So it is his sisters 30th birthday. 

We have many periods of abstinence drinking alcohol during our time together. Over the last month we have been drinking on a Saturday night at home - having a games night with a female friend I reconnected with recently. It has been tame, controlled and the nights have been full of fun and many laughs. 

Again - I begin to think to myself - I can trust You. We have rebuilt our trust and set our boundaries and expectations around alcohol and I’m comfortable with you going out on your own and drinking without me. (which is usually the better outcome)

I dropped him off to the venue this afternoon and asked him to be on his best behavior and reiterated my anxieties about him drinking and for him to take these feelings into consideration. He promised me he would not have a late night and would be home by 6.30pm for dinner and a quiet night. 

We are quite broke this week so I believed sincerely that he would do the right thing, make an appearance and have a few beers and come home. 

Each time he has made these promises they turn awry. It never works out the way it is planned and this is from past experiences. 

But silly me holds hope that THIS time - Things are going to be different. 

THIS TIME he is going to respect our conversation and agreement - this time he KNOWS how these things go down, has learnt his lesson from past experiences and won’t let me down on his promise to me. 

Stupid Me. 

I hated myself this afternoon when I dropped him off. In my mind I did doubt him - then I beat myself up for thinking so negatively and being so untrusting of him. I think to myself ‘You are the one with the problem - Not him’. Have faith in him. 

He let me down. 

I dropped him off at 4.45pm this afternoon - It is now 2am in the morning and I’m sitting here writing this post. He’s still not home, and it’s starting to look like he probably won’t come home. 

My gut instinct told me this afternoon this would happen - And I didn’t listen to it. 

Fool me once - Shame on You - Fool me 20 times Shame on Me. 

I feel like a fool. 

After almost 10 years he still cannot commit to me. I should have known the first time. Quotes like ‘A leopard will never change his spots’ come to mind. 

Do I tolerate it? Do I keep silent? Do I confront him about it. 

His Alcoholism has had him locked in jail, he has ended up in assaults and has recently finished community service for his most recent. 

When he is not drinking, he works hard, strives to be sweet and attentive, is extremely creative and I’m aware he lacks self confidence. 

I don’t know what to do now. I feel lost, abandoned and am losing hope. 

I’m of the belief that not one single person will read my post tonight - Leaving my thought to float about the internet like a lost butterfly. But if you happen to stumble across it, I ask your opinion - What would you do.?: Because I don’t know.... 

Divine Diva

[bunnythemonsterlayer]

Failing Up - Chapter 1: Since You’ve Been Gone

Fandom: Mass Effect Pairing: Various Word Count: 2638 Status: Ongoing a03 link

Michelle is reunited with one of her old coworkers, a Salarian named Sylas, and learns that The Andromeda Mission has been anything but ideal.

Author’s Note: I run under the headcanon that Salarian aging is twice the amount of years old they are; 1 is 2, 5 is 10, 10 is 20, etc.

Jazz.

The music playing in the pod when Michelle awoke seconds later was jazz. Smooth jazz as far as she could tell through her haze. She had requested it, even gave them a playlist, though now the fact that even in her drug addled state she could recognize it was a smooth jazz cover of the Blasto theme killed some of the mood. The pod looked like twilight, dull and calm, that odd grayish purple color she could just barely remember from the scant years she had been on Earth. Part of her knew it was just the window tinting slowly undoing itself to let in the outside world, but part of her wanted to believe that it was actually natural light. Her memory was slowly shaping images to find where she was and why she was there when the pod opened with the hiss of a broken seal.

Where'sis? A...Und...Andromeda? Wait. We maydit?

Hands helped sit Michelle up, guided her out of the pod and onto a lobby couch in the next room over. A voice speaking her own language weaved in and out of earshot though it had to be no more than a few feet in front of her. She was handed something hot, probably coffee, and propped up with a pillow placed in the small of her back as the voice died out and a new foreign one came in. Which one she couldn't tell but from the speed it was probably Salarian. She wasn't sure but nonetheless it buzzed on from the eternal distance of three feet away. Michelle's head nodded down to stare into the slightly rippling surface of he coffee. She could see herself, fuzzy eyed and hung over, hardly able to keep herself from lulling her head back and forth with the motion her sedation was making her feel. It felt calm yet nauseating, as if she were underwater being rocked by a current. She could only hope not to throw up. Somehow, she managed to lift the mug and sipped at it. Had she had any feeling in her face or control of her muscles she would have recoiled from the severely bitter taste of raw six hundred year flash frozen black coffee. So, they had made it.

Wonderful.

There was no sarcasm in this thought, it was in fact genuinely wonderful. She looked at the walls and the artificial windows slowly transitioning to the different planets that she had been teased with to apply for the Andromeda Initiative, plus some new ones. One with snow, one with overgrown jungle and one that looked like what she could only describe as every generic city people hundreds of years ago seemed to portray cities of 'the future' to look like in movies. How long had she been asleep for? Was that The Initiative's doing? Had they actually be able to build something like that? She couldn't imagine any of the architects she had met before departure were that stale in their imagination. Certainly not Kesh, not by a long shot. No, it had to be alien. New aliens. New Aliens, with children? Maybe, she would have to check, but if it was true that would be a game changer. Nowhere in the hype of The Initiative's shilling had they mentioned any hint of other alien species in this new galaxy; which at the time, Michelle knew was far fetched. How do you not have aliens in a new galaxy? Had they really been expected to believe that they had found the one galaxy with no other intelligent life in it? Someone at the party who had over heard the concern had thrown out the 'millions of galaxies, one has to be empty' excuse, but even that was met with halfhearted, uncomfortable fake laughter. Michelle wasn't stupid, and neither were any of them. They all thought it but it was just another thing about this mission that they buried down deep, next to the coffins labeled 'death' and 'failure'.

There had always been something nefarious in this push for assumption, one Michelle had tried to bury as well but always failed. While Jien had been, at least on the surface, genuinely well meaning in all of her plans and intentions for The Initiative, there was no way to deny that there was something, not only in human nature, but in the nature of all sentient species to put their own well being above that of even the most innocent of victims. No matter how you spun it, there was no way that a mission using so many resources, that had to go through so much red tape, that had sold millions of people of all species and types on a seemingly impossible pipe dream, was going to let a little thing like 'native inhabitants' fuck up their goal. There was no ignoring it now, not for Michelle at least. She would have to now face the possibility that the fruits of such labor were going to stare her in the face, either in the form of conquered, broken people, or the bitter and rage inducing casual reply of 'oh yeah, that's not a problem anymore' from one of her fellow Initiative members. There were of course other answers: that the aliens had been extinct for a long amount of time before they got there and this was just something left over. Or that everything had worked out perfectly peaceful and everyone was shitting rainbows and riding unicorns. However, that was too much to ask for, especially the unicorns. Holy shit, she was out of it. Regardless of the answer she would have to work around it, with it, through it. Make what ever situation she was about to be ushered into a little bit better for everyone involved. Especially for the children of whatever poor race The Initiative might have curb stomped all over. That was if they had in fact existed and or survived in the first place. Her Director, Kamela Lan, may have said that each employee's top priority was their own species but at this point...

“You'll need to issue statements to the other species about their specific situations. The Krogan specifically from what I hear...” The voice finally cut in clearly for the first time in what felt like hours; familiar but still echoing beyond the grasp of her lagging mind. “That's Kamela's job...” Michelle mumbled with what felt like all her might. There was a noticeable pause. “Kamela's dead, Shelly.”

That woke her up. All at once the muscles in Michelle's neck decided to finally work and yank her head up from staring at the floor, causing her to feel as if the floor had yanked itself from under her feet. She stumbled backwards and felt the sharp pain of her shoulder blades banging against something hard and uneven. She pulled away and turned to look out at the rapidly passing metal and sleepy lights of a tunnel they were traveling through; her back burning under her uniform from being pulled away from the cold glass. Where they on the Nexus monorail? When had that happened? How long had they been out of the recovery room? Had she just been ghost walking this whole time? When had she even finished her coffee? Six hundred years in cryo and yet this was the most impressive time travel she had ever done in her life. Trying to shake the last of her drug induced confusion out of her head with a physical toss of her head she turned to see a very confused but familiar face.

Sylas Tulok, the youngest member of the care giver team, even by Salarian standards was a mere fourteen years old but had been very enthusiastic to join The Initiative. He had babbled on endlessly about his passion and credentials at the meet and greet they had taken part in before the big going away party. He had never worked personally with children but was very eager and very well versed in Salarian biology and sociology. Loved seeing things grow and evolve. He also loved to talk. Lord almighty, did he love to talk. This was why they had probably stuck her with him. Who else would be able to fill her in on everything happening in record time?

“I'm sorry, what?” Sylas looked as if she had slapped him in the face. He was oddly dramatic for a Salarian, but only because he had apparently watched many vids in order to better relate and convey his emotions to his non-Salarian coworkers. That was his excuse at least, Michelle figured he was just eccentric which was probably the real reason he had wanted to leave the Milky Way in the first place. “Have you not heard a single thing I've said?” Sylas sputtered. “I'm dragging on a sedation injection, Sylas. Give me a break.” “You are?” His face went from confused to concerned, “There wasn't any note of that on your file...” So they hadn't even taken the time to add that in. Sloppy, very sloppy, and dangerous. Michelle wanted to make excuses for this to ease her own mind. Maybe they had been pressed for time and the assistant hadn't had time to enter it in before getting into their own pod? Maybe they had been a rookie and simply overlooked it? That one troubled her; a Cryogenisis assistant overlooking a critical note on someone coming out of long term sleep? Michelle was certain, told flat out in fact, that The Initiative had taken painstaking time to make sure to have on the best. You needed to have the best with so many lives in your hands. Alas, there was nothing that could be done about it now aside from maybe filing a complaint with Operations about the assistant. She hadn't gotten their name, only that they were Turian, but honestly why make waves? Michelle was coming out of the drag and slowly feeling like a person again anyway, it was time to stop dwelling on things that had happened and focus on the literal future. What was she thinking? Of course she had to dwell on things that had happened. Her boss was apparently dead! “Don't worry about it, tell me what happened again. I'm sure there are more things you probably wanted to add in that you didn't the first time, right? Go nuts.” Michelle watched the tight line of Sylas's mouth curl up into a little smile at this. He did love to talk after all.

Michelle actually had to turn on her translator to keep up with version two of Sylas' history lesson as he rattled through all the old parts, excitedly chattering out new frivolous details. He spoke as if going down a list: Something called the Scourge that had been the cause of Kamela's death, an Upraising of some sort, something about vaults in the middle of planets, a very seemingly simplistic explanation about problems with the Arks, new Pathfinders, new colonies, new Directors all across the board. Even with the amount of information pouring from Sylas, it felt like everything she was being told was half the story. She figured she could ask him to go into more detail about things, but she trusted that if it had been a bigger deal he would tell her. “Where are we going?” She finally asked when a beep on the overhead intercom sounded with a voice saying something about maintenance in Hydroponics. “Operations. You'll need to talk to the new Director.” “I see. So, Jien's gone too, huh?” “Mmhmm, she was one of the first killed when the Nexus hit the Scourge, her and the six commanding officers below her.” Sylas was finally speaking at a speed that allowed Michelle to turn off her translator again. A different voice over the radio announced they would soon be arriving in Operations. Everything was becoming more and more bleak. In all this time and confusion Jien had been the link holding everything together. Maybe there would have been more of a chance for a smoother transition from devastation to regrouping and problem solving had perhaps the second or third in command had survived, but that wasn't an option. Seven superior officers gone in one fatal swoop. How does that even happen? It was unsurprising that tensions had run high enough for an Uprising to go down. Though from how Sylas had described it, it hadn't seemed to have gone too poorly. “How long has it been since we arrived?” “Two years and a couple months. It was a shit show.” “Must have been, since we're only being woken up now. So who's the Director in charge?” Sylas let out a long sigh and made an annoyed suction sound with the corner of his mouth, as if saying the name was the result of having a gun pointed at his head. “Jarun Tann.” Michelle's entire upper body jolted back in sincere disbelief. “The Accountant?” Sylas didn't look at her, just made the suction sound again and stared out the window of the rail car door.

Michelle remembered Jarun Tann, though barely. She had seen him in a cluster of people over the heads of her own group at the party, nursing a drink more melted ice than liquor and trying to act social despite his obvious discomfort. Typical Salarian, strong intelligence and perfect professional posture coupled with a healthy enough dose of antisocial behavior. Under the dim, ever changing lights of the meeting hall the party was in, his complexion had caught her eye. Common gray coloring with hot points of light, bright ice blue around his mouth, palms of his hands and neck, and a flourishing blush of dusty rose pink around his eyes. He looked bitchin' when the black light came on. In her later drunken haze that night, Michelle had gotten the great, borderline brilliant idea to take her hot mess of a self over and thank him for 'approving all the great shit she had asked for'. Having had a walk through of the best nursery and care labs The Initiatives constrained budget would allow earlier that day, it seemed to be the only logical and down right polite thing to do. She had gotten only so far, scaring him half to death by introducing herself with a, what she thought had been, gentle pat on the shoulder. She vaguely remembered asking him some random question before the lights came and Jien got everyone's attention for her big grandstanding speech. By the end of it, Michelle had spots in her eyes and Jarun Tann had vanished. It was probably for the best, she had been, after all, extremely drunk. She was surprised he hadn't had a heart attack already. Being the director of a finance department was very different from managing an entire mission and judging by Sylas's reaction, it wasn't going very well.

“Wow,” Michelle chuckled sympathetically, “that poor man.” “Poor you.” Sylas said in a correcting tone, prompting Michelle to look up at him questioningly, “You're about to be, what is the old human saying, 'in the same ship'?” The car stopped with a smooth press of unseen breaks and everything finally dawned on her. Jesus Christ, she was about to be in the same... “Boat. 'In the same boat', Sylas.” “Ah, good. Your memory is working well then. Maybe you can use that time in said boat to...get us some pull.” 'Time in said boat', huh?, Michelle thought. Up Shit Creek without a paddle. The doors swished open with a graceful, metallic 'whoosh' and the two stepped out of the car. The bright sign reading OPERATIONS greeting Michelle like the gateway to Hell.