#but whatever. the custody battle was stupid in the first place

[operativenightingale]

as someone who only really ships the idea and the chemistry of calzona, and really really really should know better, is there anyone that ships them that isn't overly indulgent towards arizona and doesn't seem to blame callie for not bringing the moon down for her or something, even at her own expense, especially at her own expense?

[fatkish]

Can you do some headcanons of Fat Gum, Ryuukyu and Sir Nighteye taking custody of a teen reader who is a reformed villian/vigilante.

Fatgum, Ryukyu, and Sir Nighteye x. Reformed Villain/Vigilante Teen Reader

Fatgum:

You grew up among villains since your parents were villains, they never really taught you right from wrong and kinda neglected you

You mostly just stole in order to survive, taking only what you needed and nothing more

One day you stole but got cornered by none other than Suneater, with little to no choice, you used your quirk to phase through him but ran right into Fatgum, literally

You got stuck in his fat but after you passed out, he realized just how skinny you were

He took you to the hospital and was upset to find that not only were you severely underweight and slightly malnourished, but your parents had been arrested leaving you to fend for yourself

He decided that moment that he would take you under his wing, he’d teach you right from wrong and give you whatever you needed to get on the right path

When you woke up and he told you it was either go with him or juvenile detention, you happily chose him

The first thing he did was bring you food and help you get to a healthy weight

Once that was done, he began to help you with learning to live normally and even helped you learn how to make friends at your new school, Shiketsu Academy

As your life began to change and become more normalized, you thanked Fatgum who decided to adopt you since you needed an active and actual parental figure in your life

From that day on you happily accepted your new dad and the two of you became family

You would try to cook all kinds of different foods and you both would try them, sometimes you made a great dish and other times… well, you believed in not wasting food but that ended up with you in the hospital from having food poisoning so…

You began to have a passion for cooking and would become a great chef all thanks to your dad

Ryukyu:

You were an anti-hero. You did what was necessary to keep others safe and would even kill to protect the innocent

You were skilled in combat and were pretty decent with the use of your quirk

One day you cornered a particularly nasty villain and had nearly managed to take them out but suddenly you were both shot at

You saw a couple heroes and tried to escape only to be confronted by Ryukyu

You tried to escape but after Ryukyu decided to transform, your battle was over

Since you technically had yet to kill, but had incredible skill, the HPSC hoped that you could be reformed into a hero

So they decided that you would be placed in the care of Ryukyu

At first, you tried to sneak out only to get caught every time, you’d constantly argue with Ryukyu on morals and rules, saying that some were stupid and that others needed revision

When Ryukyu saw how you viewed society, she discovered that you weren’t necessarily wrong, but you could definitely go about things in a better way

She decided to help you find a better way to make the changes you wanted to make in society but in legal ways only

As you both grew to have a mutual understanding and respect for one another’s views and values, you decided that she wasn’t so bad and accepted her

As that happened, she too, accepted you and you both became extremely close, almost like family

After that, you would go on to become one of the best underground heroes ever

Sir Nighteye:

Reader was an Orphan and a vigilante who used their own gear that they designed to catch criminals

You never used your quirk on criminals since that would be breaking the law and you didn’t want to get in trouble for that

You had created small devices that were a disguised as bugs like dragonflies and butterflies/moths. You made them contain small cameras and have tracking devices in them

These devices would fly around and would be able to attach small trackers to people or things when they land on them

You used these spy flies to help you with your vigilante work, you’d track criminals to places and use your technology to apprehend them and then alert the police to come and get them

You made sure to wear a mask and hide your identity, you also didn’t leave your technology behind for heroes to find and repurpose or mess with since your creations were precious to you

The Nighteye agency had been investigating your work and were trying to apprehend you but you kept evading them

One day, Sir Nighteye used his quirk on a suspected criminal and foresaw you apprehending them and decided to set up a trap for you

You followed the suspect to an abandoned warehouse where he and his supposed associates were hiding. Only to be caught by the Nighteye agency

When Sir Nighteye saw how young you really were, he decided that your talents would be wasted in Juvenile Detention and that you had a bright future ahead of you, granted, that you stayed on the right path

When Nighteye found out that you had been rescued by All Might as a child when your parents had died in an apartment building’s collapse, he saw how much you admired All Might

When you told him that All Might is an older hero and that he’s bound to retire eventually and that you feared for that day and that’s why you became a vigilante, he knew that you were a good kid and just needed a helping hand to get you on the right path in life

So he decided to take you in and teach you how to become a hero and although he may be strict and seem like a scary and intimidating guy, you both bonded over your admiration for All Might

When you showed him and had explained to him all your technology and how it works, he was curious as to why you weren’t in a hero school in a support course, you explained to him that your orphanage didn’t have the funding to send you to a hero school, which is why you had no other choice but to become a vigilante

After that, he decided to use his connections to enroll you in UA’s support course, to which you thanked him endlessly and hugged him calling him your hero. After that, he also adopted you and became your legal guardian

In time, you and your new friend Mei Hastume would become partners and become two of that century’s greatest technological creators and you both would go to live on I-Island

[mamamittens]

Well, I've made minimal progress drawing my weird little alien alter (the face and appendages keep fucking with me, ngl, I really don't draw animals often lol) but I've had fun mentally plotting out a little story to entertain myself at work.

I thought it'd be fun to explore identity, disassociation, and relationships through this funky little dude. Mostly cause several of my earliest OCs are low-key excuses to explore myself cause I'm not very socially aware. I won't say stupid but like, it took 20+ years to even consider that I've never had any real attraction towards someone before in my life.

It's the tism

Anyway! So I was playing around with the concept of what would happen to your sense of self if you were stripped of your previous physical form and given a new one totally alien that didn't change with time. There's no aging. You can't grow into this body. Bond with others over the unique difficulties time gives you as you age.

Any friends you make, it's a real possibility now that they won't be there for anywhere near as long as you are. This clashes with the curse idea I started with but only if I dedicate to naming what it even is to start with. Whatever it is, it definitely isn't working like it was intended to.

And so, to do this for OP, I needed to start sometime before the main story to let this existential horror really sink in. And because I liked the idea of the timing, I figured the island Roger and Whitebeard fight would be a fun meeting point.

First idea was that they (cursed OC) go there recently-ish. Enough to know the island but not establish any super dedicated base. This goes into shenanigans where they steal a weapon to reach their only remaining human clothing item from a branch that it caught on when they fell into the verse. Naturally talking to the blade and promising to leave fruit as an apology for taking it. Maybe with an audience of a very amused owner.

The second idea is that they've been there for a very long time. The WBP and Roger pirates fight taking place just around the time their only human companion has passed, leaving them bereaved and alone. Extra sad points here. Maybe they lived together for several decades in a cabin and now it's so empty the prospect of leaving it behind feels as necessary as it is upsetting.

The third is even worse, the fight taking place several years after their friend's passing and with the lack of human company they've sort of devolved into something closer to an animal than a person. So much so that they have trouble talking for a while after suddenly being prompted to speak up. Initial idea is that Buggy is eaten by a giant frog and is saved but they tell him "wash. No hurt, wash" when they mean to say "you need to wash off the stomach acid or get 3rd degree burns in under an hour". Eventually leading the two captains to the abandoned house for tea but finding all the supplies for it having gone bad for some time.

Naturally, regardless of which one I go with, the custody battle is epic. Though I'm leaning with the third, ngl

Kiwi (their name for now, it's just my baby nickname lol) either goes with the WBP or Roger. If it's Roger the split goes badly and Kiwi ends up half feral again having been aggressively on the run to draw attention away from Shanks and Buggy. It's a few years before they're found again.

I'm leaning on the size thing being connected with state of mind. Like, vulnerable and afraid is the smol bean version. Feral is either the middle 'grown' version or full space dragon depending on how bad it is. Wholly aware and in control is usually smol bean but when talking to people 'on their level' or super comfortable, it's the grown version. So this fighting ring is a very feral, growly grown version with cat pupils.

I had a really horrible and sweet idea that Kiwi ends up in a fighting ring and nearly guts the newly appointed commander Thatch (like I could resist, who do you think I am???) Before noticing his jolly Roger tattoo.

"...friend?" And feels really bad about injuring him. He's confused but rolls with it, busting them out and is delighted to discover that Kiwi is in fact, an old friend of his captain. The rehabilitation is easier this time cause it hasn't been quite so long since Kiwi talked to people and didn't just exist in a fugue state.

Kiwi keeps more animalistic traits such as climbing people, chirping, purring, grooming, and expressive ears/tail body language. Maybe some face rubbing. You know. Like a cat lol

Not sure how human form comes about. But it'd be funny if they admit they miss certain aspects regardless of form. Like having four arms and finding clothes that fit without messing up thick fur.

[gh0st1nth3shell]

Te extraño

Its been a while since I was last really invested in Tumblr. Lost the one I had since middle school 4 years back and had to restart. Kinda demoralized me so I just haven't been on it. I have like 2 followers and I haven't bothered to even see who they are. I doubt they know me so that makes this a lot easier. Besides using Tumblr to cope and escape as a kid, I also used to be very invested in writing as a medium for release and clarity. Starting now, I guess Ill be combining the two.

Abuela, to you I dedicate these words to. Pero primero, I must apologize to you. I'm currently off two grams of shrooms, 5 blunts, and 4 shots of tequila.

Ill start by saying Im not sure what Im trying to accomplish with this. Maybe Im just looking to vent without a response or judgment. Im not certain if these words and the sentiment behind them will ever reach you but I pray in my heart they do. Ive always been better at expressing myself through pose rather than articulation and I guess that's for the better. Speaking is a waste of breath anyway.

Lately youve been popping up more and more into my mind. Its more than likely the seasonal depression Ill never escape from, but I also just feel like maybe you've been trying to reach me. These last 4 months out of the year are always the hardest for me.

You dont know this, very few people do besides now I guess the people who come across and read this, however, I was 4 in 2001. I was in Manhattan at daycare since neither of my parents could take care of me. We were only a few blocks down. I'm not sure why, but the memories of that day have been coming back to me and more vividly each time. I can recall being fetal position lined against the wall. Your daughter, my aunt, was the one who picked me up. You already know she was a New York City EMT, as well as her service during the attack. She escorted me to the medical van. I didn't get to enter before seeing the second plane hit. I can only see smoke now, the brilliant flash of orange and dark red, a fireball that was enveloped by smoke, and screams and panic. Im 27 and only able to conceptualize now, the fact that I watched hundreds of people die with my own eyes.

October Isnt terrible, but its cold. It brings me back to Melrose, South Bronx. My mother used to try and force some feigned happiness between her and her children. Everything she did was for show and tbh the hassle of getting dolled up in whatever costume she decided to put me in at the age of 5, made the shit more traumatizing than anything. Her birthday was last month but seeing as to how we don't talk at all anymore, or rather she denounced me as her son, these two months together kinda rub salt into an open wound. I can only recall the anxiety associated with her. Everything she wanted was a mandate. I realize now that I had no free will, opinion, choice, or respect when it came to my place under her. I have nightmares of her a lot now starting around 2 years ago. Im always running from her. Always hiding in some way or another. Always imprisoned or trapped, anxious or afraid.

December is most-likely the reason for that. I was 3. I don't remember shit from my younger years. I was always switching boroughs since I was a victim of a stupid ongoing custody battle for 10 years. Most of my time focus and energy by the time I was 3 was dedicated to raising my younger sister and brother. The thing is they weren't in the picture when this happened so I must've been just 1 and this would've been my first Christmas. We would've been living in Flatbush, Northside of Brooklyn, since that's were I was born. I can still generally remember the day decently well. My mom and dad weren't married long at all and when they were I could tell they weren't in love. The same way I feel around my mother is the same she felt around my father. That was obvious then and it is now. She cooked for my father and me and Im certain Brussel sprouts was in the food because it the one thing I wont eat besides olives and I remember your son bitching at me about it, to be respectful and grateful for the food my mom spent all day cooking. (He was decent on solemnly rare occasions). There always seemed like their was a static in the air that day and even now, I will never understand what it was... I just know that my first Christmas and my first exposure to domestic abuse was on the same night. Lights were up, there was a tree, there was my goldfish Elmo (sesame street was my shit), presents... all of it was destroyed by the end of the night. I unfortunately cannot escape the memories of seeing the different weapon, the rage and fear, the helplessness. My dad using anything he could to break down the door where me and my mother were behind to try and get to her. 1 year old me really tried holding the door back as if I could do shit.. it felt straight out of a fucking horror movie. I don't think Ive ever truly escaped that panic and fear. I can still recall my mothers bloodied face, bruised and bloodied body and her busted lip and tears as Brooklyn police took my father out in cuff. Nothing but wreckage and my futile attempts at consoling my mother by offering my teddy bear. I was never aware that that same exact abuse would be targeted at me.

While thats is probably the most tragic, unfortunately, Its very close with having unknowingly lost you in November so many years ago.

I apologise again, because I wasnt there in your final moments. I never thought the last time I would ever see you would be when I was 11 or that the last time I would ever hear your voice was when I was 13. Im convinced your son and daughter, my father and aunt, both very much hated me. Nothing else really seems to make sense. Everyone was aware except me. My brother and sister knew. My mother fucking knew and it feels like legitimately everyone held that information from me the whole time. I didn't know your last moments were spent bed ridden. I wasn't aware there severity of your mental condition and your overall health. No on told me you had passed. No one invited me or told me about the funeral, the burial service or the wake. My father had denounced me before that point sure, but to have been neglected in such a way as to deny me a chance to see you off, it kills me in ways I cant describe.

You have been the only woman in my entire life to show me unconditional and consistent love. You were the only one who allowed me to cry and to be aware of my depression instead of trying push it down. You were probably the only person who saw things for what they were, I was traumatized since 1, I was a parental child by 3, deeply traumatized by the age of 4 and suicidal since the age of 5. You saw how smart, loving, and full of light I was but also all the darkness around me. Spending nights under your care in Queens was probably the only time I felt safe and at peace in my forsaken childhood. You exposed me to arroz con leche. You put cinnamon sticks and nutmeg in it. Ive been in love since and if I had to think on it, its my comfort food and overall second favorite meal.

I felt safe snuggling in bed with you and watching Telemundo news and dramas even tho I never knew what they were saying. I can barely remember what you smell like anymore. Im starting to slowly lose sense of what your voice sounds like. Its getting harder to remember what you look like. Ill never forget your name though. Ill never forget the feeling of warmth and safety Ive felt in you arms and in your grace. Thank you for doing your best to protect me. Thank you for being the only person who was ever proud of me. Thank you for being the only one to see and accept me for everything I was and am. Thank you for being the only woman and the only person to love me with no condition, expectation, judgment, or sacrifice. Lastly, please forgive me for not being able to stop crying almost ten years after your death. Youre Johovahs witness so I know your up with Father God in your rightful place in heaven. You don't like Halloween at all, but you made Thanksgiving warm when I was blessed enough to share it with you.

Ill be alone for the holidays this year. I know at the very least you'll be with me so Ill try to cook something nice for us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I at least want to make Arroz con Leche for you, by your recipe.

Abuelita, Grandmother Ilma. I miss you so much I want to fucking die. But I push on in your honor and love. Please continue to protect me, my love. Rest in peace and Heaven, my angel.

-With so many tears, sincerely Junior.

[stellocchia]

Okay, now that I have a bit of time it’s time to analize that disaster of a custody battle stream, also known as Tommy and Wilbur visiting Las Nevadas!

As always this is gonna be quite long so I’ll put everything under the cut and remember that I’ll only be talking about the characters. Also for the dialogues the colors are: Quackity, Tommy and Wilbur

One thing that I would like to point out before we get into it is that c!Tommy is pretty much spiraling throughout this stream (he dissociates and shows his suicidal tendencies more clearly) so it’s good to keep this in mind when analizing his actions and words. 

First of all here’s Wilbur’s pov of it: Wilbur's POV

And here’s Tommy’s: Tommy's POV

I’ll be using both for this.

One thing that is immediately interesting to notice is that, despite supposedly living with Phil we mostly see Wilbur around L’Manhole.

“Have you been sewing? Knitting? That can be a dangerous sport if done too quickly” (just wanted to point out the tailor!Tommy bit)

So first of all is the confirmation that the stone never had a use beyond keeping Tommy occupied back when Wilbur asked for it. The task of gathering the stone could also have been a test on Wilbur’s part to test Tommy’s obedience considering that it was a tedious and apparently sensless task that most people would not have taken on.

Afterwards we have an interesting little bit where Wilbur demonstrates that he is still extremely knowledgable when it comes to tnt, knowing which blocks are more resistent to it and even being able to deduce that the ufo was blown up from the inside (something he’ll lie about later). 

“Someone’s a little copycat. Hey tommy someone’s a little copycat~” (in reference to what happened to Purpled’s ufo. This could be interpreted as derogatory we’ll have to see if Wilbur appreciates someone imitating his work)

Quackity’s book is then introduced, though at first Wilbur is very vague about it’s contents before straight up lying about them (saying that it said: “My dearest friend Wilbur, I’ve really missed seeing you, come to project Nevadas your best friend Quackity”), here’s the actual contents of it:

It is possible that he didn’t mention the actual content to Tommy because he was afraid Tommy would have kept him from meeting Quackity if he knew that he seemingly agreed with Wilbur’s ideology, though this is just a theory. 

Another interesting thing is that Wilbur keeps referring to Ghostbur’s resurrection site as his “tombstone” despite Tommy having already told him last time that he didn’t get one. Perhaps this is a show of Wilbur’s own fear of being forgotten or of having been inconsequential to the bigger narrative (his continued search for the confirmation that he did have a big impact would seem to point to this).

“Will, I’m accustomed to people lying to me. Just tell me: will the book, whatever is in there, bring us more primes?” (this is an interesting way for Tommy to let Wilbur know that he knows he’s lying while still trying to keep the conversation more light herted)

On their way to Las Nevadas there is an interesting instance of Wilbur standing still near a creeper instead of trying to protect himself so that Tommy has to intervene (similar instances happen multiple times throughout the stream) which could be a portrayal of his self-destructive tendencies and kinda mirrors Tommy's behaviour in exile. 

“Every person we’ve spoken to aside from say, I don’t know, Jack Manifold. Every person aside from Jack Manifold has taken a bit of a disliking to me. Oh and Phil, Phil was lovely too, and you actually! Come to think of it the 3 people I care about most, Jack Manifold, you and Phil, have been the nicest to me”

There are a few things I wanna say here: first of all there is one manipulation tactic that consists of making yourself out to be the victim in a certain situation in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion in the other and that’s what Wilbur has been doing both in this stream and in the past when mentioning that people hate him despite every single person he met (aside from Tommy himself) actually being rather kind and accomodating. This does probably come from Wilbur’s own self-hatred and his view of himself as a villain but, once again, I would like to remind you that manipulation is still manipulation even if you believe in what you’re saying. 

The second point I wanted to talk about briefly was the line about only caring about the 3 people he mentioned. Aside from how truthful he is about all 3 of them (I’m sorry but I have a hard time believing that he cares deeply for Jack Manifold when he didn’t even used to remember who he was) he also later mentions that there are other people he would like to see, basically it’s like the L’Manburg situation: just because Wilbur says he doesn’t care about something it doesn’t mean that it’s true.

“They told me it was like a small little town where Big Q sells funny potions and liquids from his van” (so from Tommy’s understanding Las Nevadas was a mix between the drug van and og L’Manburg. I wonder if we’ll find out who gave him this idea)

Little note about Wilbur throwing Linda (Tommy’s prized shovel) away twice during this stream almost casually.

“Tommy stand back. Tommy stand back” (Wilbur interposing himself between Tommy and a situation that might be dangerous, I’ll talk about this a bit later but keep it in mind)

“I’ll tell you what: it’s nice to see you out of that stupid vice president shirt. You know I never thought you were fit for that vice president thing anyway, I think that this is- this is- what- what are you like the concierge of this area? Like the cleaner?” “This is so nice!” “I don’t know what to call it Wilbur all I know is that this is my place. This is mine. I own this place”

It is interesting to note that Wilbur apparently did not think too highly of Quackity, immediately assuming he must be and employee rather then having a leading position, he even expresses that he didn’t think Quackity was fit to even be vice president. It’s also interesting to point out that Tommy gets immediately uncomfortable with where the conversation is going and splits off from the two to explore while also being extra obnoxious in an attempt to split up the fight he knew to be coming (he is always rather perceptive), to which Quackity responds only with amusement (actually humouring Tommy), while Wilbur simply ignores it for the time being. 

“If I’d known there was a place I could align myself to as quickly as this I would have done it sooner” (could be both a search for community as well as him generally prefering being aligned to a country as he comments later on that he’s not a fan of anarchy by mentioning that him and Phil don’t see eye to eye on this)

This is when Wilbur brings up Quackity’s book for the second time mentioning that he assumed it was an invite to joing Quackity in Las Nevadas, which turns out it wasn’t. 

“So that’s the invitation to work alongside you I assume, I- I accept. I accept. I’d love to come in” “Big Q I also wanted... can I move into the big- the big penis?” “*laugh* No Tommy. Wilbur, Wilbur” “Yeah?” “No? No?” “That was... that was not an invitation I’m sorry Wilbur” *Wilbur checks the book again* “That’s not an invitation. Wilbur, Wilbur, my nation will not be subject to your... unpredictability, alright? Thank you so much for coming, thank you so much for visiting Wilbur but, uhm... I don’t need any- I don’t need any extra members right now” 

So taking this conversation a bit at a time: Quackity is the first person since Wilbur has come back (aside from Tommy, but Tommy’s opinion really doesn’t matter to Wilbur) who hasn’t tried to accomodate him. He set his own rules and stuck by them not willing to budge on it at all. Also it is interesting to note that Quackity so far doesn’t seem to be interested in letting Tommy join either, only changing his demeanour later after Tommy calls Wilbur out on his lying. This change of mind could both be tied to a crack he noticed in Tommy’s loyalty to Wilbur as well as done to spite Wilbur himself. Or both really. 

“[Las Nevadas] It’s like one of those visions you have after being in the mines for several hours” (Tommy mentioning having hallucinations once again)

“No... no, you’ve got it all wrong. You’ve got it all wrong man. Okay okay, maybe, maybe I was unprdictable in the past” “But it’s really nice...” “But I’ve turned over a new leaf Quackity! I don’t lie anymore, I don’t- I don’t, you know, I don’t deceive, I know nothing about tnt anymore. I’ve forgotten everything I knew about tnt, it’s ridiculous I-” “*snicker* Ok- mmm, well... Will, well” “Is he lying Tommy?”

Also here we have a clearer example of Wilbur lying and deceiving right after asserting that he doesn’t do it anymore (he deceived Tommy on the book and lied about his knowledge on tnt) together with Tommy calling him out on it.

“This is the best place on the server! This is like heaven! Paradise!” “Quackity we can stay, right?” “You seem to like it a lot Tommy” 

Immediately afterwards there’s where Quackity seems to change his mind about letting Tommy stay while also ignoring Wilbur in the process. Again we really don’t have any definitive indication for the reason why he changes his mind, it could be because he saw how much Tommy liked it here as much as it could be to spite Wilbur. Any conclusion for either is pure speculation.

“Quackity look at me, look at me in the eyes. I. Am. Your. Servant. I am at your service. I have run countries, I’ve won elections, I’ve done everything that you will need in a leadership role, Quackity. Even not in leadership! I can- I can be, you know, assistent to president”

Another less known form of manipulation. Wilbur wants power within this new country so he offers to cover a more “subservient” position to have Quackity let his guard down so that he can achieve his role. 

“Will this is so cool!” “Tommy SHUT UP!” “Hey! What a fu- hey what a fuck?!” (a bit of Wilbur’s “affable” persona slipping away paired up with Tommy immediately noticing that that was not okay and calling Wilbur out on it)

“Wilbur listen to me: I saw what you did to L’Manburg and I’m not letting Las Nevadas have the same fate as L’Manburg. I appreciate Tommy here, I appreciate you checking this place out Wilbur but, I don’t need your services, I don’t need your presence, you’re very unpredictable” (Quackity once more standing his ground and repeating that he does not trust Wilbur in the slightest and also reaffirming that he does want Tommy there instead)

It’s interesting to notice that all throughout this exchange, while Tommy was off exploring Quackity was the one often paying attention to him while Wilbur ignored him the whole time before snapping.

“So we’re not allowed?” “Tommy, I need to talk to you Tommy” “Am I allowed? Or is it just Will?” “Well, I’d love to discuss it with you” (Quackity is the first person that actually directly addressed Tommy while ignoring Wilbur since Wilbur’s resurrection and that’s quite interesting. It could be that perhaps he noticed that Wilbur seems to consider Tommy almost like an extension of himself and that he tried to drive a wedge into that)

The next few minutes are spent with Wilbur trying to find out exactly where the confines of Las Nevadas are.

“Tommy come with me. Tommy at my side please” (addressing him like a soldier again)

There is a back and forth between Wilbur and Quackity where Quackity tries to deflect Wilbur’s question about his ownership of the adiacent forest multiple times, but Wilbur does end up finding out that it’s not Quackity’s land. (Wilbur also has a throwaway comment about that forest being Paradise in response to Tommy calling Las Nevadas that which Tommy disagrees on).

“What’s the point in capitalism without healthy competition?” (Wilbur announcing he wants to create a country next to Quackity’s)

“Wait, where are you going?” “Just over here Tommy. Stay by my side, by my side” (once again an emphasis on wanting Tommy nearby, which isn’t new)

“You know what Wilbur? You’re right: capitalism strives on competition and I’m ready for all the competition you can bring me” (Wilbur is positively giddy at this declaration, which makes me think that he does truly see this competition mostly as a game)

“Will I don’t want to start a country, I very much like that country there” *Tommy points at Las Nevadas* “With the stone-” “Tommy we- we’ll discuss this in a minute” “No...” “No no no, Tommy seems to have some concerns about building a country from the ground up” (Tommy under) “Listen, listen, guys, guys, I was over there” (Quackity over) “So how about you take Tommy’s opinion into consideration? For once, for once in your life since you’ve never done so before” (Tommy under) “Can we please listen to me? You [Quackity] are not lis- you’re not lis- you’re actually speaking over me”

This is the first one of many conversations this stream where the fight has moved from the power pissing context Wilbur and Quackity had going on to Tommy. It’s also where they starting weaponizing him more and more (his traumas as well as the other’s treatment of him) while each trying to prove that they’re better for him then the other. Of course this isn’t actually about Tommy, it’s about power once again. Quackity has undeniably noticed by now how Wilbur treats Tommy (aka as an extension of himself) together with being pissed that Wilbur challenged him on his own territory (challenging Las Nevadas which is Quackity’s most prized possession) so he decided to repay him in kind. 

From here on out Tommy seems to spiral more, standing up for himself less, looking more and more uncomfortable (especially when the other two start bringing up his traumatic experiences) and slipping back into dissociation and self-loathing behaviour.

“You showed great interest for my country Tommy and I would like to speak to you about that” “Yes” “Wilbur I don’t think you’ll hold Tommy down and make him join your country” “I have utter fate that Tommy will make the right decision” (both of them starting to put pressure on him, subtly influencing him with their wording) 

Tommy and Quackity have a chat together alone (though Wilbur is listening in). 

First thing that happens is Quackity bringing up the hotel which Wilbur implies later was done maliciously, though we don’t know if Quackity knew that the ownership of it didn’t go back to Tommy once he came back to life.

Afterwards Tommy asks Quackity about his scar. 

“If I’m gonna speak to you I want you to be honest with me, ‘cause I’ve spent quite a lot of time with people who just bullshit me, they lie to me and I’m not doing that anymore” (this is one of Tommy’s 2 priorities in life right now. What he wants can be boiled down to honesty and safety)

Quackity does explain honestly what happened, though the information that they spent their time hunting down Techno while Tommy was in exile instead of trying to help him does understandably upset Tommy quite a bit. (Also Wilbur finally makes himself a sword).

“But if this [butcher army] was while I was in exile you’re meaning to tell me that you put in all of the effort to kill Techno instead of helping me?” (...) “You know I needed help and no one came to see me” (this set back his mentality regarding exile quite a bit I’d guess. The anger is more then understandable)

Quackity doesn’t deny the accusations but he does deflect a bit saying that they can talk about it another time and that he is not Tommy’s enemy to which Tommy agrees.

“How would you like to run the official food business of Las Nevadas” (this is Quackity’s big offer for Tommy)

(Wilbur putting pressure on Tommy in the meantime)

After this Wilbur intervenes directly inquiring on wether or not they were done. Quackity tries to get in a last minute sale pitch to Tommy who is getting quite overwhelmed and asks for some time to think (which he is now given by Quackity, but not later by Wilbur)

Wilbur also expresses worry for Tommy’s safety while they’re coming back, though how sincere it is it’s unknown (I think it's at least partially sincere worry, but I doubt that's all there is to it). That said I want to say that multiple times in this stream Wilbur has seemingly shown to be protective of Tommy when it comes to Quackity, often almost treating him as if he was incapable of defending himself (as if he couldn’t 1v2 the two of them easily). For example here, even though Tommy said that he can take care of himself Wilbur immediately responds out loud with an: “okay I’m coming” and bringing out his sword.

“Listen Tommy I heard what he was saying to you man and you don’t seriously believe that do you?” (keeping the question very open so that Tommy can interject his own doubts. Also Quackity technically didn’t lie once to Tommy and, while there was a bit of deflection on his part so far he hasn’t been all that manipulative if I’m being honest)

Wilbur proceeds to tell Tommy that if he stays with Quackity he’ll be nothing more then a caterer (strongly implying that that’s not something he wants) and Tommy chimes in saying that that’s not for him.

“Listen Tommy I’m not gonna stop you but, I’ll be honest with you man, you’re all I’ve got” (set up for the guilt tripping later as well as once again putting himself in the position of the victim so that Tommy won’t leave him. Also he denies that Jack and Phil count as well because the first is too busy and he doesn’t agree with the political views of the latter)

“I wanna make a place where we can be safe for once. Tommy it’s been so long since we felt safe and man you deserve it. You’ve been through so much, you’ve done so much, Tommy you’ve changed the world! And all you’ve got to show for it is some scars and some trauma. Tommy you deserve this safety and this sanctuary and that’s why I wanna make it with you and you won’t get it over there”

Now this should sound familiar to quite a few people, mostly because it’s pretty similar to the tactic that Quackity himself uses. First identify the victim’s vulnerabilities and their desires (Tommy only wants 2 things and only one is connected to physical places so safety it is). Second relate to the victims experiences repeating that they do deserve to get what they so desperately want (check back Quackity’s conversation with Fundy if you want to see that done really well). And lastly emphasise that you’re the only one who can give them what they want.

“You know what has substance Tommy? Family. Blood” (what sparked back the canon sbi discourse)

“I haven’t- I don’t wanna make my mind now ‘cause it’s- it feels like-” “Tommy you need to make your mind now” (putting a ton of pressure onto Tommy, enough that Tommy is reminded of his time in prison)

“Tommy I love a challenge” (considering the context and the fact that this is in response to Tommy hesitating on who to join this is most definitely about him. Wilbur definitely still considers this, at least partially, part of his and Quackity’s game)

“If you pick Las Nevadas what am I gonna do? Man, what am I gonna do? I’d never hurt you. I’d never want anything bad for you Tommy” (mixing in a bit of guilt tripping with a bit of lies. Now, it’s probably not a lie that he wouldn’t want something bad for Tommy, but the thing about never hurting him? I mean, this stream is a proof of the cotrary)

“You can go with whatever you want, but just know what you’d do to me” (once again painting himself as the victim while guilt tripping Tommy)

“I put a lot of things to the side that I shouldn’t of. I prioritized the wrong things, I put revenge over humanity. I guess all I’m seeking right now is someone who’ll be honest with me and a place where I can feel safe”

Here it is, we got Tommy’s desire spelled out by him. This is what makes him so vulnerable to Wilbur’s manipulation, the fact that Wilbur knows how to pretend that he can offer this. Also the first part of this is another recognition of how unhealthy his mindset was while he was with Technoblade, which makes him saying that he betrayed Techno and feels guilty about that afterwards even more sad because he recognizes that being with Techno was not good for him but still bashes himself over leaving him even if he really didn’t have any other choice if he wanted to stay true to himself. It’s quite tragic and it’s once more a show of his self-loathing. 

“This can be a safe place for them [Techno and Tubbo]” (Wilbur is using the informations Tommy provided him in a moment of open vulnerability to manipulate him further)

Tommy then agrees to stay with Wilbur though he seems far from enthusiastic about it. He seems to believe Wilbur when he says he's gonna make a safe space for him and the people he cares about, but also seems hesitant to fully trust him.

“Big Q is gonna wish he never fucked with me” (still in regard to challenging Wilbur’s perceived ownership of Tommy)

The stream is far from over though. After that conversation between Wilbur and Tommy they start to build a stone penis over the lake and Wilbur and Quackity get in a very heated argument that leaves Tommy incredibly uncomfortable. The whole conversation consists in Wilbur and Quackity shouting at each other about things the other has done to Tommy (all traumatic for him) while Tommy makes himself smaller and shuts down. First Qauckity accuses Wilbur of emotionally manipulating Tommy (which is true), then Wilbur accuses Quackity of using the hotel against Tommy (which wasn’t actually true) and they keep going like that. 

“The one thing [the hotel] Tommy’s tried to do was a failure” (way to undermine achievements like putting Dream behind bars there... however to be exact this is a manipulation tactic known as “shaming” which consists in undermining the victim’s worth to foster feelings of inadequacy which makes them more vulnerable. It’s a tactic Wilbur has used quite often since Pogtopia)

“Great job Wilbur of doing to Tomminnit what you’ve done your entire fucking life” (Quackity does sound actually upset) 

“Don’t try to compare me to you Wilbur, me and you are not the same” (this does align to Quackity’s desire to not live in other people shadows any longer)

“Hey hey hey hey, don’t come near Tommy, don’t come near Tommy” “Will, Will, hey hey, let me speak! This is about me so let me speak! I don’t know I-” “I just don’t want him to hurt you. I just don’t want him to hurt you” “I can fend for myself. You weren’t here for a long time. I thought, I thought you [Wilbur] were gonna make me feel a little bit safer, let me tell you now either of you-” “Fellas fellas” “No shut the fuck up! I didn’t feel- that didn’t make me feel- that was weird, I didn’t- don’t do that either of you” 

Now this is both Wilbur once again babying Tommy and treating him as if he’s not capable of taking care of himself (it could be done out of sincere care, but that doesn’t make it any less patronizing) and Tommy actually standing up for himself. Tommy made himself as little as possible during their confrontation and didn’t utter a word and now he finally got a bit of confidence back to say that he didn’t like that and both of them still tried to interrupt him. And Wilbur immediately went to say that he won’t do it again, but Quackity will as if he didn’t listen to a word Tommy just said. That said after that Quackity does apologize to Tommy specifically (though how sincere that was is debatable and Wilbur also accepts the apology as well even if it wasn’t directed at him) and invites the both of them to have a tour of Las Nevadas. Tommy wanted to refuse the tour because he was already visibly overwhelmed, but Wilbur ignores him and proceeds to accept anyway. 

“Quackity I wanna say from here on, as much as we may have our disagreements here man I- we gotta leave Tommy out of this” (they don’t)

“Tommy I’ll take it back, I’m fine with you working here and still being, you know, as long as you still hang out with me and don’t leave me on my own I have no problems with you working here man” (except they both already put an incredible amount of pressure on him and Will in partucular already made him feel guilty for even considering sort of leaving him)

“At the end of the day it’s okay Tommy, you make your own decisions, but let me keep showing you around the TommyInnit res- uh, I mean the restourant” (very sneaky there Quackity. Naming things creates attachment btw) 

Btw, Quackity and Wilbur are still very tense, but they both put their differences aside in a split second to get Tommy away from the strip club, which honestly is just funny. Also once again Wilbur goes before Tommy inside the casino in case it’s dangerous.

They then gamble for a bit and Tommy bets Linda away and looses it. They then go up in the white tower. 

“This would be such a good point to just jump off and just end it. Woah” “no no no Tommy get down!” “Tommy get down from the rail” (casual reminder that Tommy is still extremely suicidal, though at least this time there was someone there to get him down)

Quackity and Wilbur have a small conversation while Tommy is still checking out the view which mostly consist in Quackity trying to find out more about the Revival Book (while feigning complete ignorance about it). 

Meanwhile while dissociating Tommy puts down some water to the side of the tower and then jumps in it while taking it away (therefore technically jumipng off, but not dying because his fall was slowed down). Quackity notices and immediately panics, while Wilbur places some water down for him so he can get back up. 

“Tommy come here, I’ve got you, I’ve always got you” (both helping and emphasizing his wish for Tommy to depend on him as much as he does on Tommy)

After that they talk for a while and Quackity brings up the conversation that he had with Wilbur which is the moment Wilbur realizes that the “You were right” in the book was referring to the pre-Pogtopia him. Also Wilbur talks about the things he’s lost (years of his life and people are the two things he mentioned). 

“There’s lots of people I wish I could see. Like I wish I could just tell them ‘I’m alive’ and apologize and also thank them” (I do think he’s sincere, but it does make me a bit sad that Tommy was not in the list of people who deserved an apology in Wilbur’s mind)

After that Quackity seems to take an interest in Wilbur’s plans specifically, but, before he can investigate further, Tommy gives him his own answer and declines his offer of manning the restaurant saying that that life is not for him, it’s too relaxed (Wilbur's reaction to it is also worth notice). 

“I don’t wanna run a food stand. Wilbur gets things done” (sorry to Tommy here, but, genuinely, when’s the last time Wilbur got something done without Dream’s or Tommy’s help?)

After this they get back on the topic of the Revive Book and Wilbur reveals that Dream is the one who brought him back. He also admits that he wants to thank Dream for saving him and describes him as his “hero” again. Quackity himself reveals that he has been visiting Dream.

“Oh who cares about Ghostbur?” “Don’t fucking say- don’t- he killed Ghostbur” (once again Tommy should not be here for this conversation considering how triggering the subject is for him)

“I can’t believe- you’re like a misinformed parent, you’re just wrong” (Tommy both pointing out that Wilbur is wrong and admitting that that’s due to a lack of information)

“The prison is not just this thing, this dandelion. No no no, the prison-” “How are you back then Tommy? If you died” “Dream killed me to prove a point. That he- (continues under) he’s omnipotent, he’s got this God complex” “Quackity I need to get in there”

Once again not letting Tommy speak even if Wilbur himself asked the question, though this time it may be because if he listened to Tommy’s story and his experience with Dream he would realize that there are some incongruences between the version of Dream he created in his mind and the real Dream. Between his hero and Tommy’s abuser who beat him to death to prove a point. This split in his mind in how he views Dream was already evident in the last stream with him fip flopping between wanting him dead or not. 

“Tommy, Tommy, I’m not gonna talk shit about them [Sam] without their presence here alright?” (Quackity being protective of his own business patners)

Also Tommy manages to deduce on his own what Quackity has been doing to Dream, though he gets to the conclusion with the wrong clues. Either way after finding out how to visit the prison Wilbur leaves in a hurry telling Tommy to go with him as well.

“I’m a big boy Tommy, I’m a big boy, I’ll be fine” “Wilbur I’m a big man, but I was not fine” (Tommy tries to explain Dream’s danger to Wilbur by making himself vulnerable again, but it doesn’t work as Wilbur doesn’t listen)

Afterwards Wilbur tells Tommy that he is going to the prison and ignores any of Tommy’s concerns on the matter.

“Tommy listen, I didn’t wanna spring things on you because I’m really trying not to be a shit person to you Tommy, right? I’m really really trying. And it’s easy, it’s easy not to be a shit person to you, right? Because we got people like Quackity over there who are just- you know he said it best I’m not gonna talk shit about him behind his back"

If he’s not trying to be a sh*t person to Tommy he is failing miserably. Truly this whole stream he either ignored him, talked over him, talked about incredibly triggering stuff in front of him or tried manipulating him. This was all their interactions summarized. Pettiness aside though, he still badmouths Quackity by handing Tommy the book and telling him that Quackity agreed with the “old Wilbur” (not specifying that he is referring to pre-Pogtopia Wilbur and that he himself still agrees with the “old him”) to villainize him. He also acts like Tommy is being unreasonable for not wanting him to go, despite having died there and having seen Ghostbur die there. Wilbur does say that he won’t go if Tommy really doesn’t want him to, but he leaves telling him they’ll talk about it again right after Tommy tells him this: 

“I don’t think you should do that, he’s more powerful then you think you are”

Left on his own Tommy reminisces of when he went to the prison looking for closure as well. He then borrows an ender chest from Quackity for his and Wilbur’s little stone shack and then goes to the middle of the lake to listen to cat. 

[binniedeactivated]

𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐟!𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧. || 🌪💦 (1.5)

[ m.list ]

➦ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐟!𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐏𝐎𝐂 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

➦ 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 | 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐮

➦ 𝐖/𝐂 | 3k

➦  𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒  | 𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐧  𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫,  𝐚𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫  𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭'𝐬  𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.

➦ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | angst, smut

POC = person of color

yeonjun waited. he was trying to think of different ways he could address the situation but there was no other way he could think of, besides get angry. he didn’t want to get angry especially since what happened last time. he didn’t want myla or even daniel to hear them arguing and he especially didn’t want to wake up logan. but there was no way he was going to leave this situation unaddressed. he needed to say something even if it ruined them. he kisses a sleeping logan on his forehead, tucking him inside his crib and covering him with his fuzzy blanket to ensure warmth. like clockwork as soon as he turned off his light and shut the door behind him he could hear the front door downstairs opening, indicating that leah was home.

and just like always she took her shoes off at the door and went straight upstairs to the bedroom where yeonjun was. she didn’t say a word which always pissed yeonjun off. it didn’t seem like they were married anymore it seemed as though they were roommates and he hated that. especially when it seemed that way in front of the kids. he watched her go to the closet to undress and look for a change of clothes, ignoring the fact that yeonjun was sitting there waiting for her to speak. he was done waiting though. he was just going to take matters into his own hands. “so? is there something you want to tell me?”. he starts. she grabs a pair of sweatpants from her drawer. “what are you talking about yeonjun?”. he threw the condom wrapper to the middle of the bed for her to see. anxiety flooded her veins.”what is that?”. yeonjun shakes his head in disbelief. “don’t play stupid with me. whose condom is that? because it sure as hell isn’t mine”. leah swallows. “it isn’t mine either”. he tilts his head. “then whose is it? daniel’s? because he’s only in the fourth grade and he doesn’t have any money to buy it so stop being a fucking liar and just tell me the truth”.

“I’m telling you the truth. you need to calm down!”.

“don’t tell me what I need to do. you need to do a lot of things. you can start by just telling me that you’re fucking someone else. go ahead I’m a grown man I can take it”.

“oh please. nobody has time for this shit yeonjun. every time I walk in the house you find something new to argue with me about”.

“every time you walk in the house -- you mean every single night after everything is said and done? after I cook dinner, clean, do laundry, put the kids to bed here you come walking in the door like you’ve had the longest day ever I don’t even remember the last time you’ve even told your kids goodnight”.

“you’re the one that suggested I started working again remember? now you’re getting mad at my hours and how hard I work. it’s my job yeonjun”.

“so your job just cancels out you being a mom all together? your job is more important than being around?”.

she ignores him, getting into bed and angrily throwing the blanket over her shoulder while facing the opposite direction. “you know what yeonjun? if this is all we’re going to do then why don’t you just fucking divorce me. you’re obviously not pleased with anything I do”.

“and then what? raise our kids in two separate homes? going to court for custody battles and child support and all that crazy ass mess I’m not doing that. my kids don’t deserve that. we need to communicate”.

“how long have we been communicating yeonjun? it’s been like this for almost a year look where communicating has gotten us. it’s always something new to argue about”.

“because you’re a liar leah.  and you don’t want to admit a damn thing. if you can start comfortably telling me about your feelings then there would be nothing to argue about. do you even want me? be honest”.

she adjusts the blankets over herself, shutting her eyes. “I’m going to sleep yeonjun”.

yeonjun rolls his eyes, flicking the condom wrapper off the bed. “of course you are. whenever I confront you it’s always the perfect time for you to sleep”. she continued to maintain her silence hoping he would be quiet somewhere in between. and eventually he did. she was free to drift off and think about things other than the failing marriage at hand.

adriana holds her index finger to her lips while her class was in a straight line at the door. well, sort of in a straight line. the line looked a little dysfunctional and out of place, which is why she was standing in front of them giving them the silent expression to calm them down. “guys. guys before we go anywhere we need to make sure we’re silent because there are other classes still working. if we’re too loud we might lose our chance to go to the book fair today”. upon hearing that, that threat was enough for the small children to rush and stand perfectly in line putting an imaginary zipper on their lips. while she guided them down the hallway to their music class myla began to dig her hands in her pockets, feeling nothing but space on it’s insides. her heart began to sink and her mind started to race. she could’ve sworn. she could’ve sworn she asked her father for money this morning. she reached her hand into her back pockets to check but felt her ears getting hot when she realized there was nothing in those either. upon the entry way to the music classroom myla approaches adriana with tears rimming her eyes in distress. “ms. A I don’t have my money!”. she pouts with trembling lips. “you mean for the book fair?”. myla nods her head, “I can’t find it I really want to buy books”. adriana grabs the nearby tissues at the door and began softly wiping her face, “don’t worry we’re going to the book fair later on today. I’ll call your dad to see if he can bring in some money for you alright?”. myla thanks her and gives her a small hug hoping that her father could give it to her on time. “hurry to class myla”. adriana encourages, leaving myla scurrying into the music classroom with a closing door.

by the time adriana arrives back inside her classroom she was startled a little at the sound of faint movement. she wasn’t expecting yeonjun to be there looking for her. he seemed quite annoyed with her the other day after the incident so she was kind of nervous to speak to him. all her nerves went away though once she locked eyes with him and he gave her a gentle smile. “hey I forgot to give myla her money this morning for the book fair. I know she’s probably freaking out over it”. adriana smiles a little, “i was just coming in here to call you about it. she was crying and everything. she’s going to be so happy when she finds out”. yeonjun hands her an envelope with cash and adriana takes it hesitantly, yearning to address something before he disappeared. “thank you. I’ll give it back to her once the kids get back from music class. and um-- yeonjun I want to apologize for the other day. with these kids there are new issues arising everyday and i try to relieve the situation as best as possible and for some reason I didn’t think about even calling you”. yeonjun nods. “it’s alright I just get a little anxious when stuff like that happens to them. I just want to be aware. if I came off a little rude I apologize about that”. the warm smile he held at the end of every sentence made adriana blush like she was sixteen again. her eyes were elsewhere when he approached her, lifting her chin up with his hand so he could see her beautiful face clearly. once their lips aligned there was no turning back from it.

with the doors locked and shutters down yeonjun lifts her onto the desk, encasing her in the sloppiest of kisses while her arms clung around his neck in need. it felt normal, the sex between them both became the norm in whatever relationship they established. adriana wasn’t as half as embarrassed as she was the first time. instead she didn’t mind showing just how much she needed and wanted yeonjun in that moment, allowing her hand to fall to the appendage of his jeans and unbuckles them as fast as she possibly could. something in his chest swelled when adriana wrapped her hands around his hardened length and stroked him to full arousal. his hand cupped the underside of her jawline while he kissed her, allowing his tongue to roam the inside of her hot mouth. it was something about hearing yeonjun groan that pooled moisture into her panties. his groans were husky and dark, filled with nothing but lust and need. each time one escaped his throat it was more elongated than the last. the vibrations of his mouth set her body aflutter, she dug her tongue into his mouth in response exchanging saliva and rutting her hips against his leg. his fingers swept along the front of her panties until he stuck his fingers behind the elastic of them, rubbing soft circles into the swollen organ at the apex of her thighs. she began to twitch at his touch, having it been awhile since she got touched by him and was now craving it more than ever before. it took nothing for his fingers to become sticky and slick with her arousal. now she had vibrations of her own meeting his and creating a harmony of moans that only the both of them would be able to comprehend. she twists her hand up and down his length simultaneously pumping him, he felt himself rocking his hips into her hand until he felt her gushing with slick. he wanted more. he gripped her moving wrist and put her movement to a halt, whispering in between kisses. “wait a minute. let me fill you”.

his voice was soft and sincere, he maintained his mindless kisses while he reached up her skirt and dragged her panties down her thighs and finally over her ankles onto the floor beneath them. he aligned himself with her hole, teasing the head of it along her sticky folds before he actually pushes himself in, sending a sharp whine sputtering from adriana’s throat. yeonjun closes his eyes swiftly at the warm feeling of her channel clenching around his length. he too, held his mouth open with chuffs of air escaping it. their eyes were fixated on each other’s refusing to let this moment of conjoining go to waste. staring into his eyes while he was pumping himself inside of her was like another way of appreciating him and assuring him that it all felt too good for her to handle, especially since she could barely get a sound out without becoming winded at the feeling. and staring into hers was like appreciating art in it’s purest form. her gorgeous face stunned and her arousal setting a fire ablaze in his belly. he curls his fingers over the edge of the desk for support, rocking his hips inside of her while her legs were wrapped around his waist. her lips were moving against his neck but they weren’t doing much since every time he moved she’d gasp and whine. he hastened his pace and it satisfied yeonjun really, to hear her cursing softly with her head swarmed in pleasure because of him. the more he drove into her the faster the knick knacks and objects on the desk rattled against one another, adding to the sinful sounds adriana was already making beneath him. the symphony of noises spurred him on wards, making him wanting to hear more of them.

he plunges deeper, without a care in the world for who could possibly hear. he hoped anyone nearby had enough noises going on in one ear to where they couldn’t hear the breathless moans and rocking desk in the other. his strokes were rapid and by now adriana was just trying to keep herself afloat in the midst of his aggression. each time his hips slammed into her she could’ve sworn she heard another object clash from the desk to the ground. she was too far in her blissful trance to care. his cold metal necklace swept across her chest while he leans down to soak up the noises she couldn’t contain. despite the speed of his thrusts his mouth was moving lethargically against hers, appreciating the softness of her lips and how lost they made him feel each time he touched them. her body alone was like a vacation to him. her eyes, her smile, her lips, her sex-- he didn’t have to worry about anything else coming to mind when she was around. her nails clawed into his shoulder blades as another stapler went crashing down on the floor beside them, probably now broken but none of that was adriana’s business at the moment. her body was trembling, a hot feeling surged through her veins and spread through the circumference of her neck making her convulse. her tiny moans and needy noises went directly into the curvature of his neck. it felt as though a star was bursting inside of her, an overwhelming sensation rippled through her body as the head of his length touched her spot over and over again until she was secreting down her thighs and his. “fuckkk”. yeonjun breathes winded, having to fuck through her gush of a mess so he could cum too.

adriana didn’t want to seem clingy while they were finally dressing themselves but in a way she felt closer to yeonjun. she wanted more of him and not just in a sexual way. after her last relationship she promised herself that she wouldn’t take chances with any men for a while but yeonjun seemed different. so different. only, she didn’t know how to strike a good enough conversation to indicate that she wanted to take things further. buckling his jeans and fixing his now wrinkled shirt yeonjun took a deep breath and spoke softly finally executing his thoughts. “adriana before I leave I want your number. if that’s alright with you”. before she felt herself get excited she calmed down thinking that maybe, this could be him using her as a booty call. she didn’t want to get her hopes up. “yes that’s fine, i don’t mind that”. she takes a pen and writes her digits down on a sticky note and hands it to him.

yeonjun takes another deep breath. “and um- my kids are spending the night with my parents on friday night. I was wondering if maybe--you were free you’d want to go out?”. adriana bites her lips and yeonjun could tell she was thinking. he quickly speaks up. “not to have sex or anything. unless that’s what you want but i guess I’m trying to ask you on a date? do you want to go on a date with me? it’s okay for you to say no. it’s no pressure I was just wondering”. adriana laughs at his nervousness. she thought she was the pathetic one for always getting nervous around him and now here he was, a fidgeting mess. “yes yeonjun. I’d love to go on a date with you”. he smiles. “wait really?”. she throws her arms in the air. “yeah why not? why are you so shocked?”. well, yeonjun realized it’s been a while since a real woman was actually into him. of course he didn’t want to admit that to adriana. he shook his head instead. “I don’t know I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to say yes. so maybe I can pick you up at your place at like 8 maybe? I can text you the details”. adriana chuckles at how awkward he was about it. “yes 8 is fine. you’re more than welcome to text me. now go to work yeonjun”. yeonjun laughs realizing he was making a fool out of himself. he turned to leave. “okay I’ll leave. I’ll text you”. adriana waves. “please do!”. if and only if, adriana’s door shutters weren’t up yeonjun probably would’ve done a happy dance in the hallway if he could.

[cannoli-reader]

Good luck with that. They deliberately, and for no sensible reason, stripped Nynaeve of everything she actually accomplished, while never actually explaining Nynaeve's channeling limits. Don't make the mistake of thinking that her mental block against channeling, that only lifts when she is angry enough to ignore it, is in force on the show. This is, after all, the show where a gentled man can identify a male channeler on a second story balcony, while in the street himself, and can see a shield placed by a male channeler on a female channeler. The rules on the show are whatever the writer of a particular episode needs them to be.

There is no conceivable explanation for why, rather than have Nynaeve & Elayne survive by lying low in Falme, as they did in the books, they were instantly swept into protective custody by a sister & her warder. Rather than figure out how to open the damane collar, Nynaeve just stomped around the safehouse like a child, while a sheltered princess, out from under her caretakers for the first time in her life, lectured her about her shortcomings and asserted her own authority over Nynaeve. Instead of the perfectly serviceable story from the books, which could have been handled in two scenes, they went with a much more complicated story, where Ryma somehow procured a damane collar without being able to open it, or any character development of the fact that she would have had to dismember a damane to retrieve it. They also chose to forget that as an Aes Sedai, Ryma could not use the Power as a weapon against a group of sul'dam and damane whom she absolutely knows for a fact are not trying to kill her, and thus represent no threat at all to her life. They chose to make Nynaeve, Elayne, Ryma and her warder all too stupid to think about the possibility that by having him lie low, Nynaeve & Elayne, on whom the mission will now rest regardless of their ability, will retain his bond as a resource to find her in the kennels and effect a rescue. With an insider's knowledge, she might even expedite their locating Egwene.

On top of all this, the producers chose to dispense with the book plot where they successfully infiltrate the kennels, free Egwene and bring justice to a pair of sul'dam, while making the explicit point that they needed neither conventional male heroics to do so, nor toxic masculinity attitudes to impose their justice. Their improvement was to have their captive sul'dam killed by a random crossbow bolt, while Egwene nonsensically strangles her own captor to death, after several scripting fails at escalating the tension of her captivity. The point where the penalty for her actions is supposedly the loss of her tongue, and her "tormentor" decides instead to trim her braid declaring it would hurt more, was the moment the whole storyline and all Egwene's characterization deriving from it turned into bullshit. Then, there was the incredibly drawn out pretending that THIS time they were really going to punish Egwene, honest!, she's in real peril! Look, Renna is pointing a knife at her like it's a gun! - after her transgression in the middle of a battle (in any actually effective military, punishments for transgressions in the midst of combat are generally much more severe and summary than the same offenses in the barracks or off the lines), right up until deus ex trebuchet wiped out all her captors. Isn't Egwene awesome? Isn't she a hero?

It might seem to some readers of a series of increasingly irrelevant novels, that Nynaeve is an awesome badass. But see, you didn't get tricked into trusting the wrong fellow contestant on Survivor and parlay that into a screen-writing career, so that opinion does not matter. What matters to the people adapting this story is Egwene, and for all her awesomeness, Nynaeve had the temerity to draw Egwene's anger at times in the books, and we cannot possibly have anything that might allow people to think Nynaeve in any way, has any sort of moral high ground over the writers' pet.

Thus it is that Nynaeve Healing Egwene in her first ever channeling feat, creating a minor link between them that allows Nynaeve to find the gang at the inn, is excised, and the anecdote of the Healing is repurposed to an account of how Egwene refused her pain meds and willed herself to health when "the old Wisdom" whose name the writers have also tossed, could only think to euthanize her.

Thus, rather than have Nynaeve, Lan & Moiraine work together to rescue Egwene & Perrin from the Children of the Light, requiring Lan to recognize Nynaeve's skills and employ them in the plan, and Nynaeve to adapt intelligently and expand on the plan to ensure Egwene will be able to escape as well, instead Egwene wills her way to freedom through yet another feat of channeling that seems improbable by book rules. They are even careful to not let Perrin get any credit in that incident either, simply serving as a distraction with no sign of agency, while Egwene frees him, frees herself off camera, stabs the foe and escapes with their captor's trophies of Aes Sedai kills.

It's also not enough for Nynaeve to save Egwene from Amalisa's inept channeling at Fal Dara, they have to have Egwene bring her back from the dead.

So naturally, with all that established, it's hardly surprising they would not dare imply anything by having Nynaeve rescue Egwene in the season 2 finale.

Sorry, Nynaeve fans. The lighter-skinned actresses true heroines need the screen time, so you'll just have to wait behind the Egwene & Elayne fans.

I think I get why the writers chose to make Nynaeve sort of underwhelming in the Power in the second season, but it does irritate me nonetheless that they've equated her not being able to channel unless angry to...not being able to channel at all. Something I loved in the books that I feel the show is sleeping on is that Nynaeve is angry so much of the time. She channels all over the place in the books because she just has that much residual rage in her. She learned how to break the damane collars, heal, use telekinesis, throw fire and lightning, make balefire, create whirlwinds, and reverse stilling before ever dissolving that block. And I feel like the show's writing is robbing us 😭 I wanna see my girl tugging her braid and getting pissed and kicking ass all at the same time

[itsclydebitches]

The vitriol against Harriet has me side eyeing everyone. I can at least understand Marrow hatred because protag centered reality has made him insurmountably stupid, but Harriet is the one person with reasonable motivations and actions. Where was this hate when Winter was in her position? What was Harriet supposed to do? Lie for no good reason for a bunch of terrorists responsible for deaths? The 2 darkest PoC characters are getting the most hatred and it has me questioning the writers/fandom.

The show’s treatment of Harriet  — which furthers the fandom’s generalized opinions  — is so weird to me given how we started. This applies to the Ace Ops as a whole, but Harriet was introduced primarily through the geist battle. Though we got to see little bits of her during their exploration of the mine, it’s here that the team gets to shine, with Harriet acting as a pseudo-leader in the viewer’s mind due to the commonalities between her and Ruby, at least before Clover arrives to help. Indeed, it’s after Harriet first uses her speed to catch the volatile dust that we get the reaction shots of how impressed RWBYJNR are. They’re elated, in awe, and though that emotion extends to all the Ace Ops, cinematically it’s connected to Harriet. 

This battle positions the Ace Ops as fighters way above our protagonist’s pay grade  — note Ruby’s expression when she first sees the geist

— but more than that, it positions them as mentors and future friends, people the group should and will look up to. The problem is that this is then immediately undermined by having Harriet give her “We’re not friends” correction in this battle’s aftermath. I don’t think it should have existed to begin with given how often we see the Ace Ops chumming around pre-Salem attack, but at the very least the show might have treated this perspective with respect: here’s a fighter willing to prioritize professionalism and the safety of the people, regardless of whether she was lucky enough to get a team made up of her BFFs. Instead, the show acts like this is the worst thing she could have possibly said. It’s treated like a black mark on her character. Well, if you’re not friends then... you’re nothing. After all, it’s following these moments that Weiss sees her father again and announces that this is her family. There’s a clear parallel drawn here. If your teammates aren’t the closest people you have in your life (never mind that the Ace Ops came into their team through their career, something RWBYJNR never had to deal with. Had they been able to graduate, it’s unlikely they would have been able to get a job together. They would have been split and forced to work with new people) then there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. If you don’t find a way to fight alongside your family  — or you don’t find a way to make whatever teammates you end up with family  — then that is a detriment to both your skill and your moral worth. Again, never mind that we just got done demonstrating how talented the Ace Ops are, as well as showing how they are cheerful and teasing towards one another, regardless of whether they spend all their free time together. 

From here on out, Harriet makes logical and often justifiable choices: 

She decides that Ironwood is right and they can’t afford to go back for more Mantle citizens when they have no way of fighting Salem. They need to get who they have to (potential) safety.

She tells Ruby she will not attack first and when Ruby starts the fight, knocking her out in the end, Harriet no longer trusts RWBYJNR. Shocking.

She has no reason to believe that Qrow didn’t kill Clover given the evidence and treats him accordingly. 

Unaware of what Ironwood wants to do with them (torture to leverage Penny) she’s upset that Winter would pull rank and let these three fighters go, one of which has actively betrayed her and the other two are co-conspirators who have been resisting arrest. 

None of this is objectively bad. None of this makes Harriet a horrible person deserving of what the fandom has flung at her. However, we have this combination of her being in opposition to most viewers’ faves and that the writing (very randomly, it seems to me) positioned her as someone intrinsically inferior to the protagonists. The moment she said they weren’t friends was the same moment the story and the fandom went, “Well, she’s a bad guy in the making” even though such a statement never should have generated that kind of reaction in the first place. Now yeah, combine all of that with the racial question of who gets to be angry. The fandom praised Ruby for getting angry when she wanted to illegally cross a border, but they criticize Harriet for getting angry over the murder of her leader. It’s seen as oh so cool when Yang gets angry enough to set herself on fire, but Elm getting angry is seen as her going crazy. I don’t doubt that part of it is simply the instinct to defend the protagonists/favorites at all costs while maintaining a willingness to be critical of minor characters, but we also can’t deny that RWBY has been... less than stellar when it comes to nuance with race and nationality. You need only look at our two Asian coded characters, both of whom have been positioned as the Wise and Quiet Ones, to understand that. 

Harriet has been done dirty in so many ways, made worse by an excellent introduction that told us her story was going to be treated far differently. Both the show and the fandom have a hard time accepting what’s logical for a character and that character’s knowledge, instead insisting that their knowledge and perspective as an audience member is paramount. People go, “I love Qrow. Qrow didn’t do anything wrong! He did. Harriet is nuts, how dare she threaten him like this.” Rather than, “Wow, Harriet trusted this group, was attacked by four of them, woke up to find out that her leader had been murdered and Salem was still attacking her kingdom. Qrow has a whole bunch of evidence stacked against him, recently escaped, and the three other fugitives they had in custody were let go by Winter. Also, they’re all probably going to die soon. No wonder she’s pissed.” 

[official-wayward-keener]

Standin' in Front of You Sayin' I'm Sorry for that Night

@spideytorchweek 2021 Day 7: free day

The Spider is causing Johnny more problems, but after he kills an innocent, Johnny must find him even if it cost him his life. Peter did something he regrets and now he is getting pulled away from the man he loves.

Ao3 Link here

The Spider was getting on Johnny’s nerves as they fought. He just wanted to go home and sleep in his boyfriend’s arms but no he had to fight this villain known as the Spider. The spider kept choosing to annoy him and wrapping him up with his webbing before he slipped out and Johnny couldn’t do anything but hope that he could get home to get a hot shower before Peter got home.

~

No one knew that Johnny Storm was the Human Torch. It may have made things awkward for him because his boyfriend who he loved so much was the Spider. The same villain who he was fighting but he didn’t know that. Peter Parker, the boy that loved Johnny with all of his heart, was the villain who stole from the rich to give to the poor. Johnny probably would never know if Peter kept it hidden not wanting Johnny to get in trouble for his crimes. When they both were home, they cuddled not knowing that hours before the two of them had been fighting.

“Do you think that we will be together forever?” Peter asked.

“I think that we will be together forever,” Johnny said. “I can’t think of anything that would ever separate us.”

“I can think of a few things that could break us apart,” Peter said concerned.

“I would never leave you,” Johnny said.

“And I would never leave you,” Peter told him. Johnny smiled at him cuddling up to him not knowing that their days were numbered as a hero and a villain could not love each other for long.

~

It had been an accident. Peter had killed the man instead of just stealing from him. He had not meant to kill him but now the man was dead and the Fantastic Four were after him. He decided to lay low and spend more time with Johnny but Johnny was not around. He was gone more for work related events.

“I wish you could be home more,” Peter told him.

“Something major came up at work,” Johnny said.

“Maybe I can visit you at the shop sometime and we can have lunch,” Peter suggested.

“May you be when I am not busy,” Johnny said, figuring that Peter would be busy again with work in no time. He had a few slow weeks apparently and Johnny loved coming home to his boyfriend after a long day of hunting for the murderous spider. Maybe he would catch the spider before Peter was back to his normal schedule.

~

The news was on when Johnny came home as Peter watched the reporter talking about the Spider and how he killed Flash Thompson.

“Sad to hear,” Johnny said.

“Flash wasn’t a good guy.” was all Peter told him. Johnny didn’t care about that but Peter was acting nonchalant about what the villain did. Part of him wondered why Peter was even watching the news.

“I think that the Spider is guilty for what he did,” Betty Brant said. “We haven’t heard from him since and the Spider was a well known villain who never harmed people. I know Flash had a way of targeting people when we were in high school so maybe he tried to fight Spider and Spider forgot his own strength. Wouldn’t be the first time the Spider forgot his own strength as others have been injured including Invisible Woman and Iron Man.”

“All speculation on some stupid villian who probably just went to Canada or something to avoid punishment,” Peter said rolling his eyes and shutting off the TV.

“He was a well known villain who killed someone,” Johnny explained.

“And he will have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. I hope he burns for his crime,” Peter said feeling the guilt come back and taking him over. Peter went to their room leaving Johnny to wonder what happened to make Peter so angry with the Spider.

~

Peter couldn’t take it any longer. He needed to get out and help those on the street again. He knew that the people at F.E.A.S.T missed the help that Spider dropped off so he went out. The only issue was that the Human Torch found him. The hero growled at him as he pushed him into the wall holding him there.

“You think you can control the world,” Johnny told him, annoyed at the man.

“I think I can help out the little people who don’t have much cause of big shots like yourself,” Peter said, pushing the man away. They fought for a bit neither winning the battle both full of hate for the other. Peter was mad that a hero could do nothing but stand by while Johnny was mad at how a villain could kill an innocent. It wasn’t until Peter had knocked Johnny down and started punching him that Johnny thought he saw the end. He finally faded into nothingness as Peter pulled off the mask and saw Johnny beaten under it. He looked at his hands offended by what he did.

“I killed him,” Peter said, feeling a tear falling as he tore off his mask and held Johnny until the police dragged him away from his love. Peter knew he would be facing punishment.

~

Peter sat in the cell as Sue Storm came in looking upset. He didn’t want to talk to her but he knew he was going to be hearing whatever she said even if he didn’t talk.

“They are talking about putting you away for life,” Sue told him. “What you did, it hurt my family and I don’t understand how anyone could forgive you for your crimes?” Peter knew she was right. “Except Stark who found out that you accidentally killed Eugene Thompson and has been bargaining for a plea deal for you.”

“I should burn for my crimes,” Peter said. Sue was surprised by what he said.

“Peter, you are being given a fresh start. I suggest you use it to be a better man than who you were before. You did a lot to my family and you… what you did to Johnny is unacceptable. I hope that I never see you again Peter Parker, because you don’t deserve this redemption in my mind,” Sue told him. Peter agreed with her and when Tony Stark and Steve Rogers later showed up Peter told them as much.

“It’s a second chance. Those don’t come often,” Steve told him.

“I don’t want a second chance if he isn’t in my life,” Peter said.

“Maybe he will be one day,” Tony said.

“Not if he is gone,” Peter said. Tony and Steve looked at him feeling bad.

“Don’t you want to be the person that he would have wanted you to be?” Steve asked. The truth was Peter wanted to be that person. He wanted to make Johnny proud even if Johnny wasn’t there anymore to see him. He thanked them as he took their deal knowing he was doing it all for Johnny Storm.

~

Johnny woke in pain as he looked around the room to find Ben sitting next to him watching TV. Peter would normally be next to him if something bad happened. Peter should have been here. He went to move but it all hurt.

“Don’t move. You have a few broken bones and a few cracked ribs. Spider throws a mean punch,” Ben said.

“Peter?” Johnny asked.

“Left town and isn’t coming back,” Ben said. Johnny froze. Peter wouldn’t have left town. Not without a reason. “The kid decided he wanted to get back with some girl, Mary Jane I think, and left you while you were in the hospital bed passed out. Sue is pissed at him and I think I heard Reed talk about how he was planning his death.���

“Peter wouldn’t have left without telling me,” Johnny said but Ben’s response didn’t change nor did his sisters or brother-in-laws as they told him the same story. Spider was being released into the custody of the Avengers according to Sue who told Johnny he took a plea deal.

“The little shit beat you up and the avengers took him in as one of their own,” Ben grumbled.

“Changing the branding and not telling the public either,” Johnny said as he saw Spider-Man on the cover of a magazine. The hero who was once the villain Spider. Johnny wanted to give him a piece of his mind but Sue suggested against it.

“I talked with him and I’m shocked he took the deal. He was acting as if it was the wrong punishment for him,” Sue said. “I don’t know if he feels sorry or if he regrets what he did but he will be living with it for the rest of his life now.” Johnny didn’t feel bad for it but he knew he needed to heal. Spider would get what he deserved and Johnny hoped he could give him a word.

~

“I know the drill,” Peter said in the comm for the millionth time. Part of his rehabilitation was patrolling and helping out people which Peter enjoyed. He just was constantly reminded that he was being tracked. Peter sat on the roof. He had thrown himself into being a hero but part of him wished he could apologize to Sue for taking her brother or find Johnny’s last resting place. Sue made it clear what had happened. Peter knew what he did. He would live with that forever.

“Didn’t know they let you out unsupervised,” a familiar voice said. Peter turned looking at the human torch. Now he was being haunted again by the boy who stole his heart and buried it six feet under.

“Not in the mood,” Peter said.

“Don’t say you aren’t in the mood,” Johnny said.

“I rather not be haunted by my past today so leave,” Peter muttered knowing it wouldn’t work. It never did.

“You want me to leave?” Johnny said. “Golden comes from the guy who attempted to kill me.”

“Killed you,” Peter corrected the fake Johnny. That caused the human torch to stop. “Don’t you think I have enough regret Johnny without seeing you every waking moment knowing I killed you. That I could have stopped. I lost control and it's my fault. I took the deal because I knew you wanted me to be a better person but some days I wonder if maybe I should have just stayed in the cell and rotted away like the criminal scum I was.” Johnny didn’t say anything as Peter swung away from him leaving him to wonder what Spider meant.

~

“Spider thinks I’m dead,” Johnny told Ben. Ben was surprised. Ben, unlike Reed and Sue, did not know who Spider was, only that he was now Spider-Man. He didn’t know the whole story.

“The kid thinks he killed you?” Ben said.

“Knew my identity too,” Johnny said.

“Sue said he found out who you were but she never said anything else,” Ben said. Johnny was annoyed. He just wanted to call Peter and rant to him about his day but Peter was gone. He couldn’t find him. He was half-tempted to ask May but he figured it was best not to get her involved.

“I’m going for a walk,” Johnny finally decided to leave Ben and throw on his jacket heading to May’s. May was home when he got there as he knocked on the door. She smiled and let him in.

“Have you heard from Peter?” He asked. May shook her head.

“He disappeared a while ago right when you got into the hospital. No one knows what happened. I heard you got mugged on the street and Peter found you,” May said.

“You haven’t heard from him either?” Johnny said.

“The occasional letter with no return address. He doesn’t normally stop by. Haven’t seen him in a long while. He is somewhere in New York though. He mentioned going to one of his favorite spots last week to think.

“Ben told me he was at the hospital with me,” Johnny said.

“From Peter’s letter, I assumed you were dead. He doesn’t talk about you much that he just regrets not being the boyfriend you deserved,” May told him. Johnny felt bad. Peter was blaming himself for Johnny getting injured. He also wondered why Sue and Reed told him one story about Peter which was false and where was Peter really in New York. Johnny decided to try and hunt him down if it was the last thing he did. Peter would face him over what he did and would explain why he really left.

~

The gazebo was normally empty at night. Peter had asked to go to the park and he knew he was being watched. He didn’t know who was watching him tonight as he sat looking at the water.

“Nice night we are having,” Johnny said. Peter wanted to scream at his inner demons.

“Not really. I gotta get up to fly out tomorrow,” Peter said.

“I’m not mad at you for not being able to protect me,” Johnny told him.

“What are you even talking about?” Peter asked, frustrated with his inner demons. “You think this is easy. Moving on is easy for me. It’s not easy. I can’t move on and here you keep popping up at random places and haunting me as if I weren’t the one to cause you pain.”

“You did nothing wrong, Peter,” Johnny said.

“Bullshit. You are dead, stop haunting me,” Peter said, starting to walk but Johnny followed.

“Peter, I’m not dead,” Johnny told him. Peter stopped almost frozen. “I survived what happened to me and I came back to my boyfriend gone and my family lying to me and suddenly the guy who did this to me is out trying to become a better person, but the worst of it was when I woke up and my boyfriend wasn’t by my side.” Peter turned and grabbed Johnny’s hand feeling for a pulse and took a deep breath before dropping it.

“Sue will kill me if she knew we saw each other,” Peter said.

“Sue has no right to decide who I see and who I don’t see,” Johnny said.

“I got to go. You should leave before whoever is watching me calls your sister up,” Peter let him know before he ran off leaving Johnny wondering why Peter was being followed and by who.

~

Johnny got home with more questions than answers. He found Sue on the couch annoyed.

“You couldn’t leave well enough alone,” Sue told him.

“What do you mean?” Johnny asked.

“You saw him today,” Sue said, spitting venom when she said him as if Peter’s name shouldn’t be spoken in their house.

“He thought I was dead,” Johnny said. “You let him believe that. You pushed him away from me.” Sue was frustrated then.

“I didn’t push him away from you, I was protecting you from the man who hurt you. From the man who beat you to a pulp within an inch of your life. You want to know the truth. Your boyfriend was Spider and when he was found having hurt his boyfriend, I decided it was time to intervene and keep you away from the man who hurt you, because I care about you,” Sue was mad and Johnny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Everything made sense now including Peter’s behaviors before the incident when he had more time on his hands.

“Peter is Spider?” Johnny said. ‘He will have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. I hope he burns for his crime,’ Peter’s voice repeated in his mind. Johnny didn’t know why he never noticed it until that moment that Peter was guilty for his crime. He knew what he did was wrong and he felt bad. He felt bad for hurting Johnny.

“He is,” Sue told him. Johnny paused and walked out as Sue called for him. He turned to her and looked her straight in the eyes.

“I’m going to the Avenger’s Mansion. Don’t try and stop me because you will only upset me more,” Johnny said before turning back around and leaving.

~

Steve and Tony said it was a bad idea but Johnny didn’t care because he needed to talk to Peter. He needed to make sure Peter was okay. His boyfriend had been suffering for too long and now they needed to talk about everything. Peter was in his room which was messy like the room they had shared before Peter had disappeared and Sue moved Johnny back home.

“Peter,” Johnny said. Peter froze but turned not wanting to hear Johnny tell him that he was ashamed of him. This was the real Johnny. He could hear his heartbeat and he knew it was the same Johnny he onced lover and that probably hated him now. “Look I’m not mad. Sue finally told me everything and I know the truth now. I know how hard it's been for you. You had to live with this and pretend you were okay after you accidentally killed someone because you didn’t kill him on purpose. You never would have.”

“He was venom,” Peter said. Johnny froze. He knew about venom. For Peter to tell him this side of the story he knew that Peter really didn’t mean to hurt him. “He knew my identity but he promised not to tell. I thought I saw venom that night. I was a bit tipsy and because of that I accidentally killed Flash thinking he was venom. Then the other night I was so mad and you were there except I didn’t know and I punched too hard and I thought I killed you. I felt as if the world was getting me back for harming an innocent. Except it wasn’t because you were fine at the end and you came home. Well you came to a house. I ruined us just like I predicted.” Johnny sat next to Peter.

“You didn’t ruin us. I don’t trust you but I still love you. I don’t think I could ever stop loving you. I just don’t want you to blame yourself anymore because I am here for you if you need me. As a friend for now.” Peter nodded but didn’t say anything as they sat on his bed wondering if they would ever be able to trust each other again. Maybe they will with time or maybe they would never be together again. Whatever happened would happen though as they sat there in silence of the ruins of their relationship.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Of All the Places

Chapter 12

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: Loki is in SHIELD’s custody, but refuses to speak. That is, until Thor manages to get through to him. Chapter Warnings: kinda angsty and some bad language A/N: Updates every Friday. Enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @marvelousdaydreams​ @parkastoria​ @lokistan​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​ @sourpatchspinster @gaitwae

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine 

The wall across from him was a dull, depressing shade of gray. It had light cracks running through it, undoubtedly from previous super-powered villains who had resisted against their captors. This deep in the belly of the beast, Loki doubted they had much success with anything besides maybe giving out a few bruises. He, however, would not give the agents the satisfaction of seeing him lash out, no matter how badly he wanted to act like a madman, tearing everything apart until they let him go. Until he could see you. But, no, he swore he’d stay away from you for your own good.

Loki looked at the one-way mirror out of his peripheral vision. Another thing he refused to do was look directly at them, to look like he cared at all. His whole plan on getting out of here hinged on the fact that he seemed completely uninterested. It had worked the first time, after all. Though, that would probably mean they were more likely to be wary of him now. It didn’t really matter, anyway. His plan was half-baked at best, and he didn’t have much hope for getting out. Or much of a reason for trying, either. Not when he couldn’t go to you. A pain shot through his whole body, starting in his heart and spreading out. It was the all-consuming thought of you that made him show a crack in his armor, even though it was for the briefest of seconds. He tried to go back to the completely calm facade he’d been doing such a good job of keeping up, but he was sure he looked quite a bit more deranged now. It was much more of a strain on him to look fine when he was remembering that you were out there, possibly still crying into Denzel’s shoulder.

The door to his left swung open, and Loki examined his nails as best he could being cuffed to the table. He hoped the action looked as nonchalant as it did in his mind. Fury and Natasha walked up to the chair opposite him, but neither sat down for a second, obviously trying to give a subtle reminder of the power they exerted over him. Finally, Fury took the seat, but Natasha remained standing off to the side. It was probably a reminder of how she got him to crack last time. As if he would let that happen again.

“So,” Fury began, “you mind telling me what was going on in that crazy head of yours, attacking civilians without a cause.”

He was met with silence.

“Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear. I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to answer them. Now, don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Still, stony-faced silence.

“You can take all the time you need. The sooner you answer, the sooner we can ship you back to that alien planet you dared to come from. It makes no difference to me whether you’re rotting here or there. I’m in no rush.”

“Oh, I can see that,” Loki taunted. The man’s intimidation tactics were more annoying than anything else, and Loki couldn’t resist the chance to be snide. “After all, it only took you two months to find me. And even then it was only because of a civilian, is that not right?”

“Fine, have it your way,” Fury shrugged, leaving the room with Natasha, seemingly carefree, though Loki knew he was grating on his nerves.

Really, all Loki wanted to do was break down, scream. Cry. But he knew he was being watched, so he didn’t say or do anything else. He should have left when he had the chance. Had he not stayed on your farm, he wouldn’t be in custody right now. Not to mention you and your family wouldn’t have had to be interrogated. Because, he was sure, there had been countless questions asked of you in the past twenty-four hours. Most of you would be safe, he knew, but what about John? He had kept Loki’s secret. If he was smart, he would claim it was under duress. Alas, Loki knew his friend cared too much to say anything that might condemn him. He could only hope John didn’t incriminate himself instead.

And Matt! Oh, that poor boy would be so confused, so upset. Right from the beginning Loki knew he would be no good for the child, but did he listen to sense? No, he gave into his own selfish desires. If only he hadn’t spent so much time with him, this might be easier. Maybe Matt was still young enough that after all this was said and done, he wouldn’t even remember it. Of course, that means he wouldn’t remember how Loki saved him either. The thought made him sadder than he ever would have imagined it could.

What of Papa and Ana, Loki wondered. They knew nothing of his true identity, so they must be safe. Ever the pacifist, he was sure your father would keep everyone as calm as possible during the whole ordeal. But Ana might not be doing too well. Plus, she was pregnant, and Loki felt guilty he’d inflicted so much stress on her during such a time. It dawned on him just then that, in his mind, he’d always just assumed he’d be around to meet the new baby. Needless to say, that was not the case. How he already missed your whole family already. Except for Mama. Screw it, even her! As annoying as she was and whatever she may have done in the end, Loki enjoyed the banter with her, deep down.

Then there was you. You’d cared for him since the moment he first arrived. From the very second you saw him passed out in the field to the time you found out the truth, you watched over him. All the bruises and cuts and scratches on him, you had healed with your touch. And that wasn’t just the physical ones, but the ones on his heart, too. Words could not describe all that you had done for him. His blood boiled at the thought that SHIELD agents were prying into the details of your relationship at that very moment.

He remembered he’d said he’d sing for you one day. He’d never get to do that now. He supposed it could just be added to a growing list of broken promises.

The last image he had of you as the van pulled away was still burning in the back of his mind. The way Denzel had been holding you, comforting you, it broke Loki. After everything you went through together, that should have been him. That could have been him. Instead, Mama had to go and ruin everything. He couldn’t really hold that against her, though. After all, he had been branded as a criminal. When you got down to the nitty-gritty of it, he actually was a criminal. But was he a villain? There was a difference there, he realized, but he didn’t know exactly where in the spectrum he fell. You’d called him a hero once. He shuddered to think what you’d call him now.  

He’d vowed to leave you alone, but his resolve was already weakening. What if, by some miracle, he was able to get out of here? Could he go see you for even a second? If for nothing else, then to apologize for all the wrong he did you. He shook his head ever so slightly. That was not a thought he should be entertaining. How could he be so stupid! Here he was thinking about making the same mistake again. Would he ever learn? He needed to keep you out of this. You never should have even been involved in the first place. A monster; that’s all he ever was, and all he’d ever be. A single imperceptible tear rolled down his cheek.

Again, the door opened, but this time Thor walked in. He was seething in anger, but if Loki looked deep enough—and for whatever reason, he did—there was also a deep remorse in his eyes. A sadness Loki could only assume was due to all that had happened. It made him feel a little bit better to know he wasn’t the only one who wished things could have been different.

“Brother, I know not why you have taken this path,” Thor said. “But the sooner you confess, the sooner I can go back to fixing the mess you made in the rest of the Nine Realms.”

“What?” Loki scoffed. “So eager to leave your precious Midgard.”

He tried to spit it out with only venom in his voice, but it just sounded sad at the end. It was, after all, his precious Midgard now too.

“What happened, brother?” Thor asked, a bit more softly than he had before. “Why did you attack?”

Loki looked at the table, unable to face Thor.  “You would not believe me even if I told you.”

“What have I ever done that you think I do not trust you, care for you, brother?”

“Stop calling me that,” Loki snapped, his eyes shooting up to Loki’s face. He would have stood if his restrains allowed it. “I am sure father dearest has already told you my true heritage.”

Ah, there was the venom in his voice. His demeanor quickly changed, though, when he noticed Thor was looking at him with a puzzled expression. Loki had assumed that Odin would have gone singing through the streets, telling everyone that Loki was a Frost Giant once he declared him a villain. Could it be that he hadn’t even told his prized son?

“Did he...” Loki gulped. “Did he not tell you?”

“Father did not mention anything. Loki, what are you talking about?”

“I am Jötnar, Thor,” Loki whispered. “The very thing you were taught to abhor.”

Thor finally sat down. He seemed to still be confused by something, though the trickster god could not quite figure out what. Perhaps he was just deciding the best way to slay the beast, to strike him down.

“But you are still my brother.”

Loki’s voice caught in his throat, and he choked on his words. He was nearly as shocked as Thor seemed, if not more. Though, it was for entirely different reasons. He sputtered, trying to find the right thing to say. So much for his cool demeanor.

“Just tell me what is wrong,” Thor said, “my brother.”

“I will tell you. On one condition.”

“That depends,” Thor hesitated, “on what that condition is.”

“That family I was staying with, you must make sure they are all safe. All of them.”

“You have my word. Now, please, tell me why you attacked Midgard. We will discuss your previous actions another time.”

“Very well,” Loki conceded with a small nod. Here goes nothing. “It was the mad Titan, Thanos. After I fell—well, let go on the Bifröst, I was adrift in a void for a while. It was not my intention, but it is what happened. After, well, to be quite honest, I do not know quite how long, Thanos pulled me out. He... He twisted my mind, bent me to his will. He used me as his puppet and made me attack. It was his bidding that I lower Midgard’s defenses, take note of what kind of fight the planet could put up. And one more thing. He wanted the Tesseract. I cannot at this moment, however, give it to you.”

Thor paused for a moment, the gears in his head turning. “And why is that?” he questioned.

“Because of these,” Loki said, lifting his magic-restraining chains. “If you take them off, I will be able to provide you with it.”

For once, he was telling the truth. He had no plans to keep the artifact for himself. Not right now, anyway, with so much else on the line. Once he had handed it over, though, he would have teleported away. It would have been nice to make amends with Thor, yes, but it was not something he would stake his freedom on.

“Point Break,” Tony said, popping in. “Can we talk to you out here for a second?”

Thor excused himself and left Loki by his lonesome again. Well, he wasn’t really alone with so many agents watching from the other side of the glass. His heart was beating wildly. If it had been up to Thor, if he had acted quick enough, Loki would already be on his way off this planet. There was no way anyone else would ever allow it now.

“Ok, Rock of Ages,” Tony said, waltzing back in with Thor and Fury close behind. “You know what I think? Your story sounds like a load of bullshit. But, Point Break here says he believes you.”

“Which is the most idiotic thing I’ve heard,” Fury added.

“And he’s got some evidence to back it up,” Tony finished.

Loki looked at his brother with wide eyes, much like he had when they were kids and he was about to get in trouble. A part of him couldn’t believe Thor would have stood up for him, even after their little heart to heart. He dared let a spark of hope ignite in his heart. If Thor was sticking up for him, and SHIELD was accepting his story as the truth that it was, then was he free to go? After all, if they agreed that it was not him, what reason did they have to keep him in custody?

“May I ask, then,” Loki started, “am I free of the charges? May I go?”

“I am afraid, brother,” Thor solemnly replied. “That I cannot allow that.”

[dreamingofaizawa]

Hate To Love You

Vigilante! Eijiro Kirishima x Fem! Reader

Warnings: ANGST WITH NO HAPPY ENDING, brief mentions of violence and alcohol, soft-ish Bakugo

Word Count: 1.6 k

Author’s Note: Y’all this HURT to write and it’s gonna hurt to read (sorry, not sorry) This huts so bad and tbh I wanted to make it a different (slightly happier) ending but I just NEEDED THE ANGST FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON. Legitimately cried while writing this. It’s not proofread, don’t come at me, I wrote this bs in, like, 30 minutes. Anywho, have fun crying.

Enjoy~

*

*

*

Now that you think about it, he’d been acting weird. For months he’d been changing, slowly, but you of all people should have noticed. At least Bakugo hadn’t either, which only made you feel a tad better. But it didn’t help with the guilt, the feeling that if anyone were to keep him from going down the path of villainy it would have been you. Maybe if you’d noticed sooner, if you’d realized he’d been less enthusiastic about being a hero, if you noticed how he began questioning hero society and its morals then maybe Kirishima would be here, graduating with the rest of class 3-A.

You remember the night he vanished six months ago. You’d fallen asleep in his bed that night, after he cuddled you more aggressively than usual. When you woke up he was gone, a note on his nightstand about how he couldn’t become a hero in this society anymore, how he had to fix it from the other side because from inside it was impossible. ‘You can’t think outside the box if you don’t know what the outside looks like.’ He promised he’d return, promise he’d be back to fix the commission and hero society as a whole. You waited for him to return until even Bakugo had given up.

*

***Seven years later***

*

“He made the most wanted.” Your fingers gripped the fabric of your hero costume tight as you strolled down the street for patrol. The blonde broke the news like it was forbidden to speak, like somehow speaking it would make it too real. It wasn’t all that surprising to you, if you’re being honest to yourself. The vigilante Red Riot is now on Japan’s most wanted list. With a sigh, you nodded.

“Just focus on patrol.” It wasn’t worth the distraction or distress right now. Bakugo looked at you out of the corner of his eye, his shoulders tensing just a little.

“You don’t want to talk about it?” 

“It’s not worth the stress, Bakugo. Just drop it right now.” He gave his own sigh before refocusing. It was odd at first, seeing this softer more cautious side to the normally aggressive blonde. But he knew better than anyone how close you and Kirishima were, and he saw what had happened to you after he left. He was there to witness firsthand as you fell into depression, skipping meals, barely sleeping, and when you did sleep it was because you’d exhausted yourself crying. Bakugo was there for it all, and had dragged you out of that swamp. You stuck by each other’s side after that, bonding over a loss and becoming family like you never knew. You hold each other up when you’re too weak to stand on your own. It’s only natural he worries about you.

You’d been trying to hunt Red Riot down for seven years. Even then, you hadn’t been able to even get a glimpse of him. He’s evaded you for seven long years and now he’s managed to get himself categorized into the country’s worst of the worst. Over the years he’s killed countless villains, corrupt businessmen, politicians, heroes, and even those part of the hero commission. He always left evidence of corruption, along with evidence of smaller connected people and organizations for the ‘true heroes’ to take care of while he hunts his next target. 

But he’s still killed people.

“Oi.” You snapped your head over to Bakugo, who had elbowed you. Taking a look around you, you realized you were already back at the agency. You’d completely zoned out and switched to auto-pilot for the rest of the patrol route. Taking a deep breath you looked at Bakugo.

“What is it?” He gave you a look, the one he always did when he knew exactly what happened no matter how hard you tried to avoid it. Still, he didn’t bring any more attention to it.

“The gala. You have your dress yet?” You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. That gala was stupid, you hated it with a passion. It was supposed to be a celebration for another year of successful hero work, but it was only another cruel reminder that you failed to save the one person you loved the most. This year’s theme was ‘masquerade ball’. At least you could be sad behind your mask.

“Yeah, I have the dress. And the mask.” He hummed, nodded, remaining silent until you split off to the locker rooms.

Two weeks later you stand at the steps of the venue, arm looped with the blonde’s as you take a deep breath and prepare for a night of hidden regret and dread and sorrow. You wouldn’t be dancing, only sitting at your assigned table sipping whatever alcohol you could get your hands on, just as you had for the past seven years. And Bakugo sat with you, as always, making sure you didn’t completely break down in the middle of the event and stayed sober at least until the award ceremony was over. Until he had to wrangle a completely wasted Midoriya out of the bathroom, because even Denki and Sero combined couldn’t match his strength when he was using OFA. So you sat alone. 

A tap on your shoulder had you turning to see who dared to bother you in your brooding, your eyes met with a bulky man in a black suit, deep red dress shirt underneath and a full face mask, the same color as his shirt and encrusted with black gems. Brilliant red eyes danced behind the mask, long black hair tied up neatly in a bun at the back of his head. He held a hand out to you, palm up. When he spoke, there was something familiar about his muffled voice.

“Care to dance?” You don’t know what possessed you to take the stranger’s hand, but you felt drawn to him. As you danced you felt yourself leaning into him, the old victorian waltz music making it all feel more romantic. The hand on your waist moved, pressing into your lower back and tucking you into him further, and then he spoke, making your heart freeze in your chest.

“It’s been so long since I’ve held you. I’ve missed you, baby.” Everything felt slower as you looked back up into those beautiful red eyes, the ones you haven’t seen in such a long time, the ones that used to smile at the thought of a certain Crimson themed hero. Those red eyes that now held so much blood and death and violence. Your tears fell freely, your body only able to barely keep up with the man’s dancing.

He’d changed a lot, he’s thicker, more muscular and his hair...he let it grow out and cut off all the red. There was no doubt in your mind he had scars marring his body. And he’s scarier. He’s a murderer, a criminal. He isn’t your Kirishima anymore. A thick, rough thumb swiped across your cheek, wiping away a few of those pesky tears.

“Kiri…” You choked on your words, hands grabbing his suit jacket tight, not allowing him the chance to leave.

“You left me...Why did you leave?” He heaved a sigh, cupping your face.

“I had to, baby. It was impossible to fix things from the inside, it’s too corrupt.”

“But you didn’t have to kill so many people...You didn’t have to leave me...I cried for you for so long…” All you could do was clutch his suit tighter, sobbing as he looked down at you. It was infuriating. He shouldn’t have left. He didn’t have to leave. His eyes flicked to the side briefly before he let you go and he was ripped from your grasp. All you saw was a blur of blonde and a massive explosion before Kirishima was being blasted to the far wall, the paint and drywall cracking around him. 

Suddenly every equipped pro was on top of him, and he was cuffed within minutes. He didn’t even put up a fight, only smiling a sad smile at you, his mask having been lost in the battle. He’s still as handsome as the day he left. You were frozen in place, watching everything happen in a blur of motion. Suddenly Bakugo was dragging him by the collar, dropping him down to his knees at your feet. The blonde said nothing, only held him down and yanked his hair, making him look up at you.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. This was the only way.” You didn’t believe him. Bakugo, now satisfied, yanked his collar again and tossed him at the others waiting to take him into custody. He came back and tugged you into his chest, but you were just...numb. Your body fell limp and he picked you up effortlessly, carrying you somewhere. You didn’t really care where, you just shut your eyes and curled into his chest, wanting to forget the world. 

Kirishima came back, just as he promised, but he’d come back a different man. And now, he’s going to spend the rest of his life in Tartarus. You don’t visit him, even if you wanted to, Bakugo would try to convince you not to. You didn’t need him to convince you. 

In your third year at UA, Kirishima was the love of your life. Now, he’s nothing but a criminal who shattered your heart, and you wish you’d never fallen in love with him.

You used to love Kirishima with everything you had, and maybe part of you still does.

But you hate it with everything you are and everything you will be.

You hate to have loved him.

[violetwolfraven]

Ghost Guitar Battle (3/3)

((Part 3 of Violet is a fucking idiot and couldn’t help herself from pursuing a random idea when she has actual requests sitting in her inbox. I’m so sorry y’all.))

Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

I am well aware that this is corny as fuck but whatever. Also I know I tagged this as flarrie but it’s just in the background.

Warnings: depression symptoms, parent death mentions, character feeling out of control/mind control.

...

Nick didn’t know how long he was just kind of floating in darkness.

It was dark, but it was the kind of darkness where there weren’t shadows, it wasn’t night, there was just nothing there.

A few minutes could have passed or a few months. Nick wasn’t sure. All he really knew was that he was alone, just sitting there in the dark with his guitar.

Not like the stupid thing did him any good. If he tried to play, it just sounded muted. Whatever this void thing was, it didn’t have good acoutstics.

Everything in here was muted. Nick guessed it was convenient it sounded bad when he played, since he didn’t feel like playing anyway. He wasn’t bored, scared, sad, or whatever. Everything just felt... flat. It felt like he’d been sitting there forever.

“Nick?”

Wait, did someone just say his name?

Nick stood up, turning around and seeing—

“You’re Julie’s guitarist.”

“Yeah,” the guy nodded, “Hi. My name’s Luke.”

“Did Caleb get you, too?”

Luke shook his head, “No. Well, almost, once, but... no.”

“Then how are you... you’re a ghost.”

God, everything made sense now. How Julie’s hologram thing worked and why she didn’t perform at that dance. Why it seemed like she talked to herself so much lately. Why Caleb was so interested in her in the first place.

Hell, Julie had called him ‘Luke’ by mistake once. She’d been thinking about this guy.

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, “I’m a ghost. Long story short, no other ghosts can be seen by lifers when they play, so Caleb wants me under his control.”

“That’s why he came after me,” Nick realized, “I could get to Julie and Julie could get to you.”

Luke nodded, “Exactly. Only he slipped up pretending to be you. Carrie noticed and told Flynn and Julie. We came up with a plan to have me come in here and help you push him out.”

“Another ghost tried to help me. It didn’t work.”

“Wait, Willie? You saw Willie?”

“Yeah, but...” Nick sighed, “Caleb made him fade away. I don’t know what happened to him.”

“Oh. Okay. He’s my bandmate’s... he’s a friend, and we haven’t heard from him since he tried to help you. That’s why I asked.”

“Well, I don’t know. So... sorry.”

He was expecting Luke to leave, but he didn’t. He just fiddled with the strap of the electric guitar he was holding.

“So... what do you wanna play?”

“What?”

“I’m here to back you up, Nick. I can’t push Caleb out for you.”

Nick didn’t feel like laughing, but he did anyway, just at the hopelessness.

“I can’t push him out,” he said, “He’s too powerful.”

“You can,” Luke insisted, “This is your mind. You’re playing on your home turf.”

“But I’m not the one in control.”

“But you can get it back.”

“No, I can’t! I’m not good enough.”

“Not good—“ Luke cut off, sighing, “You think I thought I was good enough when I first started booking gigs with my band when I was alive?”

Nick didn’t even know what to say here.

“I was younger than you are now,” Luke said, “I was 15 when I started out. You think I thought I was as good as the bands with twice the experience and twice the recognition? No. But I acted like I did, because if you don’t at least pretend to believe in yourself, no one else will. You gotta sell yourself, Nick. Fake it till you make it.”

“I don’t think that’s how this works,” Nick muttered, “The stakes are higher than a gig.”

“This isn’t about the stakes. Don’t think about those. This is just about the music. Don’t think about the consequences, don’t worry about what’ll happen if it doesn’t work, just play. Feel the music. You’re a musician, so it’s a part of you.”

Nick still hesitated. He knew he couldn’t overpower Caleb, so what was the point?

“Come on,” Luke said, starting up a few quiet chords, “I believe in you. If nothing else, wouldn’t you rather say you tried?”

Nick picked up his guitar.

He started playing hesitantly, a sad song he’d picked up out of self-pity after Julie rejected him, before he made the mistake of getting off his butt and out of his house to give it one last shot.

He didn’t get very far in the song.

“Wha—stop, stop, stop. What was that?”

“I told you,” Nick said, vaguely irritated, “I’m not good enough.”

“No,” Luke shook his head, “No, your technique was fine. It was pretty good, actually, but you weren’t putting any of yourself into the music.”

Nick snorted, “Why do you care? We don’t know each other.”

And if you‘re close with Julie, you probably know about me as the guy who has a crush on her so why would you try to save me?

“You’re right, but this isn’t about me,” Luke insisted, “This is about you. You need to dig deeper, really connect to the music. Play something that’s you.”

Something that was him...

Nick was still hesitant to listen to the ghost his crush had a crush on, but...

He focused in deeper, and what started coming out when he started playing again was a tune something like an early 2000s pop/rock song. It was still sad, but definitely more him.

“There you go,” Luke said, but Nick wasn’t listening.

Playing guitar while feeling this deeply inside his own mind was trippy. It was almost like he could see and hear—

“I know, but what was I supposed to do, Chad?”

Nick was sitting at the kitchen table and picking at his spaghetti while eavesdropping on Ryan talking on the phone with his boyfriend in the next room.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ryan. Nick did like Ryan. But he still really just wanted his mom. The walls were thin here, and he could hear everything that was being said about him.

“I already told you this, but sure, we can go through it again. His mom, Amanda, is in my musical theatre program. Always shows up late and half-asses choreography. We all thought she was a slacker, but then a couple months ago she unloaded the fact that she’s a single mom and can barely afford to pay for a babysitter for her kid. She’s only in school at all because she got a scholarship.”

There was a pause, and Nick wondered what this Chad guy was saying on the other side. He wondered what Chad was like in real life. He was smiling in the picture Ryan had on his counter.

“His dad’s not in the picture. Amanda never said why, but... yeah, you can still come visit, but you should be prepared for the fact that Nick’s gonna be here. In fact...”

Nick heard Ryan sigh and felt a strong sense of dread at the change in his tone of voice.

“Amanda’s been in the hospital a week and she’s not getting any better. The way everyone keeps talking, I don’t think she ever will.”

That made Nick want to cry. Everyone kept telling him he was strong for dealing with his mom being sick, but he didn’t want to be strong. He just wanted her back, and it sounded like Ryan didn’t think that was going to happen.

“No, no grandparents. Amanda doesn’t have any family. None that she talks to, at least.”

Nick was really trying not to cry now, because... because if he thought about what would happen if his mom didn’t get better, besides how he would miss her, what would happen to him?

“Of course I want to take him, Chad. Nick is my friend’s son. He’s 5 years old and he has nowhere else to go.”

What was he talking about? Taking Nick where?

“Yeah, I know I’m a little young for this, but if I don’t take him, they’re gonna put him in the foster system. Nick’s been through enough. The last thing he needs is to get dumped with some stranger.”

If it was a choice between Ryan and a stranger, Nick knew what he’d choose, but he didn’t want that choice. He just wanted his mom back.

“Chad, I already decided. I’ll use my parents’ lawyers if I have to, but I’m taking Nick in. But... I don’t blame you if you wanna bail. You signed on for me. Not some kid you’ve never met.”

Nick didn’t want Ryan to lose his boyfriend because of him. That would be bad. They looked so happy in that picture on the counter.

Then he heard Ryan laugh.

“Okay, point made. You can meet him when you visit this weekend. You’ll like him. Nick’s a really sweet kid. Love you. Bye.”

Nick couldn’t hide his tears when Ryan opened the door and came back into the main room of the apartment.

“Hey,” he said, kneeling down to be on Nick’s level, “Hey, kiddo, it’s okay. It looks like you’re gonna be living with me for a little longer.”

“You think I’m gonna live with you forever,” Nick accused, “You and Chad. You think my mom’s not gonna get better.”

Ryan froze, then sighed, “I guess you heard me, huh?”

“Your stupid walls are stupid thin,” Nick grumbled.

“My stupid walls are stupid thin, aren’t they? Maybe the wall fairy should come fix them.”

Ryan seemed kind of discouraged with how Nick didn’t find that funny.

“Look,” he said quietly, “Nick, I know I’m not your dad. I’m not even like a cool uncle. I’m just your mom’s friend who wasn’t even that good of a friend until a little while ago. Before that, I was kind of a stupid stinky friend and that’s why she didn’t let you meet me—because she knew I was stinky and she was taking care of you.”

“She always takes care of me,” Nick sniffled.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed, “Because she loves you. Your mom loves you so much, and that’s never going to change. It’s just that... pretty soon, she won’t be able to take care of you anymore. While she can’t, I wanna to do it for her. Is that okay?”

Nick just wanted things to go back to normal, but... well, Ryan was better than some stranger, if those were the only options.

Little Nick had been devastated when his mom died. It still made him sad sometimes that she was gone, but he had a few nice memories of her to look back on.

And plus, she’d been so busy with work and school that he’d rarely seen her, honestly. Nick had spent most of his early childhood with various babysitters until Ryan got custody.

And besides, especially since Ryan and Chad graduated and moved in together, he had more happy memories of them.

The music shifted to be less melancholy as Nick smiled, thinking of growing up with his dads. The first couple months where Chad clearly had no idea how small children worked but tried so hard to make Nick like him anyway. The confusion of them trying to navigate the system and register him for school. Moving to Albuquerque briefly after the 3 year program Ryan was in ended.

“Nick!” Chad chided, taking the bowl of cookie dough away, “You’re not gonna have any room for dinner!”

“What’s the problem with that?” Ryan asked with a smirk, “You’re a really bad cook.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Nick shot back, “You’re a really bad cook.”

It made him a little nervous when they both froze up a bit.

Nick was well aware that he’d never called Chad or Ryan ‘dad’ before. He wasn’t sure if they were even okay with him calling them that.

He just... wanted to try it out.

Chad and Ryan had taken pictures of him on his first day of kindergarten. They’d taken care of him when he got strep throat the November of 1st grade. Ryan had taught him to sing and Chad hadn’t been phased when Nick showed zero flair for basketball and instead got into little league lacrosse.

They felt like his parents, so Nick wanted to try calling them that.

Then Chad smiled, ruffling his hair, “Well, you can’t cook at all, little man, so I’d curb the sass.”

“Yeah, cause he’s 8 years old,” Ryan objected, “Still, Nick could open a cookbook right now and be better than you. I feel bad for Gabriella and all the other Wildcats’ partners. Zeke can cook so well because none of the rest of you can.”

“What, you think he absorbed the culinary ability from the whole team?”

“Yes.”

“You’re a bad cook too, Dad,” Nick pointed out.

Ryan gasped in fake offense and Chad laughed.

“Can we get pizza?”

“Oh, Chad, he’s definitely your child.”

“You’re blaming me for our kid having good taste in food?”

The tune was evolving again, into a more current style, optimistic and fun. Memories of learning the hard way that he was a really bad dancer and both him and his dads laughing it off. Messing around in their closet and stealing/borrowing old clothes they didn’t use anymore. Missing them when they went to away games or took acting gigs out of town, but being happy for them and cheering them on whenever school didn’t interfere.

Moving to California after Chad graduated and got signed by the Lakers, conveniently around the same time Ryan and Nick’s Aunt Sharpay decided to try out Hollywood and see how different it was from Broadway.

Nick was grinning now, thinking back on all those happy memories.

“What’s up, kiddo? How was school today?”

Nick dodged Chad’s attempt to hug him, “Gross, Dad, you’re all sweaty.

“Well, I was at practice all day, so... the sweat monster’s gonna get you!”

10-year-old Nick yelped, abandoning his homework to run away as his dad chased him around the house, only for them to run headfirst into Ryan and all three of them to fall to the ground.

“First, Chad, go take a shower. Second, is that my black fedora, Nick?”

Nick shrugged, “You don’t wear it.”

“I do too.”

“Not recently.”

Ryan looked like he wanted to argue, but realized he couldn’t, and that made Nick laugh.

“Shush, little man. Ask next time you borrow it. Chad, again, go take a shower.”

“Sure,” Chad stood up, “Meanwhile, you packed your things, right Nick?”

Nick nodded proudly, “Yup.”

“Great. Reunion’s tomorrow, so we’re flying to Albuquerque tonight.”

Should be fun,” Ryan added, “I think it’ll be the first time the whole gang’s in one place since graduation. Cause Sharpay missed the first year, Zeke’s flight got cancelled the second...”

“Yeah, it’ll be good to see everyone.”

Nick tilted his head, “Why’s everybody coming this year?”

As far as he knew, there was nothing special about a 6-year reunion. Or 2014. And the former Wildcats were all pretty busy most of the time, being the successful people that they were. If someone couldn’t make it, it wasn’t like the others would hold it against them.

Nick’s dads exchanged a glance and he realized they were hiding something. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but...

“What’s so special about this year?” he asked, “Don’t say nothing. I can tell it’s not nothing.”

They had another silent conversation before either of them actually answered the question.

“We weren’t gonna tell you until we got there,” Ryan admitted, “Cause it’s kind of a surprise, but you’re gonna be spending some time with Aunt Sharpay this summer.”

“Or Troy and Gabriella,” Chad added, “We made her promise she’d drive you over there if you got tired of her.”

Nick couldn’t see himself admitting he was tired of Aunt Sharpay even if he did get tired of her, but that wasn’t why he was confused.

“Why? Where are you gonna be?”

“On our honeymoon,” Chad answered, “Everyone’s in town this year is cause we’re getting married.”

They were clearly worried about his reaction, but they didn’t have to be because despite being only 10, Nick wasn’t blind. He’d seen this coming a mile away and just been waiting on when specifically it was going to happen.

“I want a little sister or brother.”

They both laughed, and Nick tried not to cringe too much at the sweat when they did a family group hug.

The chords he was strumming now felt suspiciously like some kind of love ballad, like the kind of 90’s songs that had played at his dads’ wedding. It brought back dancing with his Aunt Sharpay and various others of his parents’ friends. Stepping on more than a few former Wildcats toes, of course on accident. Kind of bitterly plotting the kind of mischief he was going to teach the others’ kids when the time came that he finally wasn’t the only kid anymore.

Of course, that brought back memories of that angsty phase Nick went through in his tween years, when he first started realizing exactly how young his parents were to have a kid his age and questioning if they ever would’ve taken him in if there was another option.

That hadn’t been a fun train of thought. The mood of the music dipped in response, corresponding to the anxiety Nick had felt about how his dads had adopted him because they felt like they had to, not because they wanted to. That phase had ended when he decided it didn’t matter as long as they wanted him now, but it had influenced how he’d acted around Lizzie when they first met.

Lizzie had been almost 4 when they adopted her into the family, an orphan like Nick who’s parents had died in a car crash. Now, of course, she was a sassy 8-year-old firecracker who goaded him into playing with her instead of doing his homework, but she’d been a lot more skittish when she was younger. And tween Nick had always tried not to act cold to her, but it wasn’t like he knew anything about being a big brother at the time and he didn’t always succeed.

The music took on a tune almost like a sadder, more complicated version of a child’s nursery rhyme.

Lizzie was a tiny person, and despite the fact that Nick had been the one to ask for a little sibling in the first place, he had no idea how to act around her.

It seemed like that feeling was double-sided, with how Lizzie seemed a little bit scared of him, so at least it wasn’t like he was the only one playing an avoidance game, here. They were avoiding each other. It was mutual.

That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t die for her, because even if they hadn’t gotten much chance to get to know each other in the month since she’d been adopted into their family, she was still his little sister. Despite the disconnect, Nick cared for her more than he knew how to say.

But he really wished he knew how to say it, considering Lizzie was crying and they were in a public place and he was just very awkwardly trying to calm her down and look for their dads at the same time.

You’d think it would be easier to spot an NBA player and a famous actor taking a break from their careers to take their kids to Disneyland.

Nick knew that in the event he got lost, he was supposed to stay in one place so that they could find him, but staying in one place was a lot less daunting when he wasn’t trying to comfort a crying 4-year-old.

“Shh, Lizzie, they’re gonna come find us,” he said, rubbing her back and trying to talk calm, “You’ll see. They’re looking for us right now.”

He didn’t say how he struggled with the thought that if it came down to it and something dangerous happened and they had to choose between looking for Lizzie and looking for him, he didn’t know what their dads would choose.

Nick shoved those thoughts down and tried to say more comforting things, but Lizzie just wouldn’t stop crying. The noise of the crowd definitely was not helping, only stressing her out more. Nick had no idea how to calm her down, except... maybe to distract her?

“Hey, Lizzie, can you tell me your favorite princess?”

Lizzie sniffled, looking up at him with way too much of a look like a kicked puppy.

“Cinderella,” she said in her tiny little voice.

“I like Cinderella, too,” he agreed, “Yeah. You know what Cinderella likes to do? She likes to dance. We’re gonna dance, okay? You can stand on my feet.”

Lizzie stood up, stepping up to stand on Nick’s shoes, and he hummed a Disney princess song, just swaying around in a circle and holding his little sister’s hands.

To, honestly, his absolute shock, it actually seemed to be working. She wasn’t crying anymore, at least, and she actually seemed to be calming down.

Nick made a mental note that princess dance parties were a good thing to do with small children.

Naturally, the guitar shifted to sound like the kind of emo music Nick was listening to in middle school, around the time when he first met Carrie and Julie and Flynn and the guys on the lacrosse team. A few bars sounded suspiciously like the showtunes his dad had showed him at that age, too, in an attempt to get him into theatre.

It wasn’t that Nick didn’t enjoy theatre, but he still preferred music to acting. He and his lacrosse buddies did do team-building parties where they watched musicals and danced and sang to them, though.

Those parties usually ended up being at Nick’s house, given that it was big and all the guys had pretty much become honorary additional big brothers to Lizzie anyway.

Also, given that Los Feliz was most known for its music program and definitely not for its sports, the guys all thought Ryan was as cool as Chad. And even though most of them had supportive parents of their own, the good half of the team that wasn’t straight seemed to find it reassuring that two gay men could be happy and raise a family together.

And despite the time conflict it created, they were all super supportive when Nick took up guitar.

The song he was playing now sounded a lot like the beginner songs he’d learned when he first discovered his flair for the intrument.

“Dude, you’re gonna get all the girls now.”

Nick laughed, “Bro, we’re only freshmen!”

“But girls like guys who can play guitar!”

“Tyler, you’re gay!”

“I still know girls find guitar attractive!”

“He’s right,” Ethan agreed, laughing, “Girls like guitars.”

“Oddly enough, boys like ‘em too,” Anthony chimed in, “I mean I know you’re straight, Nick, but...”

The thing was, Nick wasn’t completely sure he was. He knew 14 was about the age a lot of people started to figure out their sexualities, and lately... he’d found himself getting butterflies as much when Tyler actually managed to score in their games or Kai showed off his percussion skills in marching band as when Carrie let him tag along to her practices with her band and attacked every dance move or Julie played piano and sang with that amazing voice of hers.

The realization didn’t really scare him or anything. Nick guessed he’d known for a while, but just hadn’t put a label on it even in his head until now.

“I think I’m pan,” he admitted, “Like, pansexual.”

“Amen, bro,” Kai said with zero hesitation, “Girls are cute, boys are cute, nonbinary kids are cute, it’s whatever.”

Nick laughed and accepted a high five.

“Yeah, thanks for telling us,” Ethan agreed, “Not that it really matters, but let us know if anybody gives you trouble.”

Tyler nodded solemnly, “They’ll rue the day they messed with the Los Feliz lacrosse team.”

“Of course, ignoring the fact that none of us are very intimidating.”

“Oh, shut up, Chase.”

They all groaned, and Kai grabbed the TV remote to turn something on and tune out the logical person in the room.

“We lose every game,” Chase pointed out defensively, “I mean, no hate, Nick. Being pan is totally pantastic, but—“

They all laughed too much for him to finish that sentence, at which point Nick’s dads entered the room.

“Keep it down, boys, Lizzie’s asleep,” Chad scolded quietly.

All the boys apologized quietly and Kai turned the volume on the beginning of Tangled down.

“What’s so funny, anyway?” Ryan asked.

Nick grinned up at him, “I’m pansexual, dad.”

“Oh. Okay, cool. Want me to buy you a pan flag?”

“Look!” Luke exclaimed suddenly, almost making Nick lose focus and stop playing.

The darkness was getting lighter, the shadows receding. They were standing back on the stage at the high school and Nick wasn’t feeling hopeless anymore. It was still darker than it would normally be, but barely.

“You’re doing it! Keep going!”

The memories became shorter and more random, but Nick dug deep into his emotions and played harder, bringing back—

“Lizzie, you’re getting too big to stand on my feet!”

“Maybe you should grow faster!”

and

“Carrie... uh... would you want to maybe go out sometime? Like to a movie?”

“Um... yeah. Sure, why not?”

and

“God, I really feel for Julie. I remember how bad it hurt when I lost my mom.”

“You’d think she’d realize there’s no better way to channel your feelings than through music.”

“Carrie—“

“I’m just saying, we both know how it feels to lose mothers, and did Julie come to either of us for advice? No. She’s pushed away everyone except Flynn. I feel for her too, but I’m done trying to help when she clearly isn’t willing to accept it.”

and

“Carrie wasn’t helping, Nick. Maybe she meant to, but she was pushing way too hard. She of all people should know how deeply Julie feels things.”

“Flynn, I didn’t mean to—“

“I know. Unlike your girlfriend, you actually care about people.”

and

“I want a puppy.”

“I agree with Lizzie that we should get a puppy.”

“Hmm, Ryan, what do you think? Should we get the kids a puppy?”

“I think we should wait until I’m home from tour and then we should absolutely get a puppy.”

and

“She’s not bad, Tyler, just stressed out. You and the guys keep acting like she’s demon spawn, but the fact is that Carrie’s human. She makes mistakes and tries to play them off so people will keep thinking she’s perfect. She’s got the world watching her every move and I know what it’s like. It’s not easy having a famous parent, especially since she’s a performer with a radically different style than the shadow she’s trying to break out of.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying she said yes to being your girlfriend because you’re both popular and therefore make sense together. She doesn’t like you. I’m pretty sure Carrie doesn’t even like guys and is just too scared to come out and go after someone she actually wants. Plus, she talks down to you, like, all the time. I’m gonna stay your friend no matter what, but you have to see that yeah, maybe Carrie’s got it tough, but she’s not good for you and it doesn’t seem like she even wants to be.”

and

“This isn’t working out. I think we should to break up.”

“You think we should, or you want to break up because you have a crush on Julie?”

“What about your crush on Flynn?”

“What?! I do not have a crush on—“

“I know you well enough to know, Carrie, so cut the crap. I’m not stupid. You and me never really felt that way about each other and we both know it. We were together because it was convenient and it was easier than making a move on someone one of us actually had feelings for.

“Fine. Just try not to run back to me if you chicken out from pursuing a real, heart-stopping, complicated crush again. It’d be embarrassing to make the same mistake twice.”

and

“Julie is totally into you, man.”

“Shut up, Kai.”

“I mean not that I’d know, but she’s cute, right?”

“Shut up, Tyler.”

and

“Julie rejected me. She has a crush on the guitarist in her band.”

“Oh, dang. That’s rough, kiddo.”

“It’s fine, dad. It’s really on me. She had a crush on me for a while, but I was too occupied with Carrie to pay attention. And besides, I know high school relationships rarely last forever, so...”

“Hey, look at who you’re talking to. If you really like Julie, she’s worth one more try. You know, buy her some flowers and give it one last shot. But if she says no...”

“Respect that and leave her alone, I know.”

With one last chord, a terrified tri-tone that represented Nick’s fear when Caleb first possessed him, the shadows fully disapated, leaving Nick in a well-lit, very familiar theatre.

He wasn’t afraid anymore. He had his friends and his sister and his dads behind him, with him no matter what.

And Nick still wasn’t a hundred percent sure how that had just worked, but he could feel Caleb’s hold over him disappearing. The stage was fading not because he was getting shoved down out of control, but because he was regaining control of where his body was in real life.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Luke said with a grin, “Good luck.”

He poofed away, and Nick found himself in that club Caleb had manifested when he won the first fight for control. He guessed the ghost had snuck him here between lacrosse practice and curfew.

There were a bunch of 20-somethings in brightly colored costumes who seemed to be practicing a dance nearby, but none of them were paying him any mind. Fortunately, it didn’t seem like Caleb was there, though Nick couldn’t feel him in his head anymore.

Whatever. He could see the exit from here, and from there he could find Julie and her band and help them beat that crazy dead magician.

Well, maybe he should go home first, and see his little sister. Find his phone and call the guys for a musical watch party as soon as possible. Definitely hug his dads, since the Broadway musical one of them was touring in was in town.

Nick knew he couldn’t tell them how he’d won a guitar battle for his soul, but he could enjoy that victory by himself, too.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Hard Lives - Jason Todd x Reader

It was unfair. The whole team seemed to hold a grudge against Jason, for what reason you did not know. He was cocky and arrogant, but he was harmless, to the team at least. He needed more experience, or so Bruce said, but he wasn’t being given it. Dick wanted him and the rest of you teenagers to stay in the Titans base. But it was clear Jason didn’t want to.

You didn’t either, but you were obeying the adults to the best of your ability. If they wanted you to remain put, it was in your best interest to do so.

From the way they treated him he became distant, retreating into his own quarters and limiting his socialisation to talking to Gar.

Jason liked to train. He wanted to be the best Robin he could. You envied his skill, and here you currently were, watching him take out his frustrations in a stick battle with the green haired boy.

Bruce's adoptee appeared to be winning, throwing his stick to the back of Gar's legs so that he fell onto the mat. The vigilante smirked, offering the closest person he had to a friend a hand up.

Gar accepted, shaking it before coming towards the exit, where you were stationed.

"He's not that bad." He told you, suspicious of your hovering.

Perhaps he thought you wrote examining the flaws in Robin's agility, or noticing how he was almost too cocky and confident with his physical ability. But you weren't. If anything, you'd consider what you were doing as admiring.

"I'm not judging tiger." You smirked at the blush that crept upon the meta human's face, watching as he bowed his head and fled to the hallway.

You enjoyed having that affect upon people. You had learnt a lot from those who had raised you. Your mothers as they were known.

Green eyes darted to you. Jason had spotted you. "Don't you have a circus to run or some plants to grow?"

His voice hunted his irritance. He knew that you had been raised by Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, and he happened to hold it against you.

"Don't you have some blue eggs to squeeze out?" You retorted, coming away from the doorway and walking slowly towards Jason Todd.

"Funny." He simply remarked, not moving as you adventure closer. "What is the reason I am graced with your hilarious presence?"

The stick was still grasped in his left hand, since he had swapped it from his right when aiding Gar to his feet.

"Is it so hard to believe that I'm not here to taunt you or put you down like the others do?"

Hank was a criminal for it. He would purposely anger Jason, often ending in both a verbal and physical fight. You'd have thought that Hank, a grown man, would have more maturity than pick on a kid but apparently not.

Rachel made her occasional comments, whether that be away from his ears or not. Even if they were, Jason was well aware that she had a problem with him, even if it wasnt personal.

Kori never really had an opinion of him whatsoever. She had her own problems and it was visible that he was appreciative that she didn't consider him one of them.

Dawn kept her distance, but still stopped Hank from getting too into bullying the teenager. She was mature, not stupid. She was well aware of what Jason was capable of.

Dick always put him down. Telling him he could do and be better. It may have had the intention of being encouragement but it didn't work that way. It made his life even harder, reminding him that he wasn't the only Robin. Maybe he didn't want to be a copy of the Robin that Dick was. Just maybe he wanted to be his own version.

"Yes." He answered, tightening his grip whilst looking you in the eye the same way an enemy would.

It was stupid this whole ordeal was. Harley and Ivy stole you when you were a child from what you assumed to be a loving mother and hard working father. Yet Jason treated you as if it was your fault that you landed in their custody.

The others were nicer about the situation, possibly because you had distanced yourself from those villainous figures, and you were obedient. The same couldn't be said for Jason. He hated all of the rules that were set.

It was fine for him beforehand, when he had the full run of Wayne Manor. He could do whatever he wanted. But this was a base, a training facility that sheltered you all until you were ready to take on the real action.

"For all the time we have been here, I don't recall once doing such a thing." You smiled at him, but he only grimaced at the expression you put on your face. "Tell me if you do, refresh my memory if it's mistaken."

Jason couldn't hell himself, his eyes were trained to roll whenever you tried to be a smart ass. "Is it just a game to you? Why do you pretend to be so nice to me?"

It came blurting out of his mouth and he realised after. He had never voiced such a thing before.

"I don't pretend Jason." You told him, crossing your arms and looking down. "I've heard how hard your life was before Bruce, and I thought I'd cut you some slack. God knows that you need it."

He locked his lips nervously. He usually tried to present himself as proud and cocky, but it seemed that you had set off that switch in him.

"Do you maybe want to get out of here?" For all he knew, you would shove the offer back in his face or laugh at him for actually believing that you were joking all along. But you didn't. Instead you sent him a warm smile, one that you were clearly containing.

"And where do you have in mind?" You asked, knowing that you could trust him. You were a part of the same team, of course you could. If you couldn't have faith in one another, you couldn't have it in yourself.

...

Dick stopped Dawn when he saw her. This place, the past that came with it was a lot for them all to take in. But this was Titans Tower, a home for those who could do good with the bad in them.

"Have you seen Jason and (Y/N)?" Dawn wasnt the first person he had asked. He had yet to go around the rest of the tower, Gar had told him he saw you enter the training room just as he was leaving, but it was now empty.

"Maybe you should check the roof." She informed him. It wasnt meant to bring up their history, but when Dawn and Dick had been together, that had been their spot.

The sky was calming, even if it was under the influence of a storm. It was away from the world, and that was something they needed when being a hero.

He nodded at her, clambering up to where the roof was. And then he saw something he had never expected when he laid his feet on the very top surface.

You and Jason. It was a warm day, and the two of you barely noticed. The pair of you were curled into one another, with your eyes shut and your breathing calm.

This was how he wanted to see the two of you. Acting like teenagers instead of vigilantes in training.

The two of you had had such hard lives you deserved a break, and that was clearly what the two of you were having. Except you were sharing the time, seeing each other in a vulnerable state.

It made Dick feel old. He wasn't that old, but still, you kids were all growing up under their care, finding yourselves and each other.

...

You and Jason entered the dining space, together. Donna raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

Dick smirked at the Robin replacement, noticing how the boy kept stealing glances at you.

"I think you got a little burnt on the roof." Hank laughed at mostly Jason, which made him lower his head and shrink back into himself once again.

"He can't get burnt if he's already smoking hot." You defended him, leaning Hawk and everyone else at the table speechless.

Gar tried to stifle his laugh, but failed. For once he was happy to see you making someone other than him flustered.

And Jason was clearly flustered. His cheeks were glowing coral, and it wasn't due to the sun's beaming rays.

"You don't actually have a thing for him, do you?" Rachel attempted to joke, twirling her fork in her dominant hand.

"So what if I do?" You challenged her. The two of you got along, but you didn't appreciate anyone picking on Jason. It wasnt fair, they weren't even giving him a chance. "Perhaps you'd understand why if you stopped treating him like the shit on the bottom of your shoe."

"(Y/N)." Dick scolded you for your language but you ignored him.

You had let everyone's behaviour towards Jason slide for far too long. Today was the end of it, you'd ensure that. "No." You said to him. "None of you have even given him a chance, except for a few of us. You all look down at him or think of him as some rich spoilt boy. Maybe if you got to know him, or paid the littlest attention to detail, you would see how uncomfortable you all make him. He's human, like most of us in this room. He's done nothing but try and save our asses or follow Bruce's orders yet you still disregard him as the public does to us. Perhaps if you weren't such hypocrites, then you'd see the affect you are having on a teenage boy! "

There was nothing more you had to say, so you left, without eating or looking at Jason once more.

Dick tried to call you back, but instead you went to your room, where you hoped no one would bother you.

....

A fist lightly tapped your door. "I swear to god if it's you Rachel, I will got to the kitchen on a personal vendetta and grab that fork you were using and stab it into that stupid gem on your forehead."

But when you opened it you weren't met with Rachel. It was Jason.

"I hope you're not gonna stab me in the forehead." He sheepishly smiled, and you could only do the same. It was nice to hear him cracking the littlest of jokes.

You widened the entrance of your room, opening it so that he could enter. After he did, you shut it.

"Are you okay?" You were concerned. You knew the opinions of everyone in that room took a toll on him.

"I am after your explosive rant." He grabbed your hand. And then he frowned. "You must be hungry." He concluded.

"I'm fine." You assured him.

"Well we could always go out onto the streets and find some random food cart that serves overly expensive hot dogs." Jason still hadn't let go of your hand, and you didn't mind.

You let him see the warm smile again. "I'd like that." And you did.

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Fifteen: The One Where There Might be a Future

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3247

Lily didn't like the effect Bucky had on her sometimes. She wasn't sure if it was the way he was so good with Hunter, or how he was always so gentle with her. Or maybe it's whenever the two were alone he looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. Or perhaps it was the way his hands always lingered places for a second too long to go unnoticed. She couldn't place it. But if anyone asked how she felt about the boy, she brushed it off. They were simply friends. Nothing more. The kiss they shared in the kitchen didn't get spoken about, and the two never felt a shred of awkwardness over the following few weeks.

But it didn't help that his lingering looks and her soft touches didn't go unnoticed by those around them for very long. Lily had found herself living every teenage girl’s dream. She became friends with the freaking Avengers. It didn't help that her sister had begun to get all friendly with Mr. Sam Wilson, either. She wasn't sure if it was because of her lack of love from her ex, or the need for a rebound. But Lily would be there to support her along the way, no matter what form her heartbreak and hormones took.

And although things were great in Lily's social department, the legality of her divorce had become messy. It had been a month since the incident where Cedar supposedly attempted to break into her ex-husband’s house, leaving Lily with the entire month of October being filled with legal battles and a complete rewrite of the separation agreement. All while the police continued to question her younger brother. She wanted to keep that part of the issue secret from Hunter, for the little boy looked up to his uncle as though he were one of the superheroes on the boy’s wall. And Lily did truly believe her brother was not behind this, that something must have happened to him. She knew Cedar, he wouldn't have done this.

However, to distract herself, Lily decided to hand-make her and Hunter's costume for the holiday quickly approaching. As well as busying herself with shopping for Hunter's birthday, which was just a week after Halloween. however, in proper Rose and Gen fashion, they had other plans for the candy-filled day.

"I am not going to a Halloween party with the Avengers!" Lily exclaimed as she spun around from her sewing machine, arms crossed, "And I am not matching with Bucky."

"Come on Lily!" Rose whined, grabbing her sister’s hand, "You've been stressed to the high heavens all month! With finally being granted full custody, as well as this Cedar thing? You deserve to go out and have some fun."

"And Bucky tells us he's had to make you dinner every night when he comes over. And don't act surprised that we know- you send Rose out every Thursday and Saturday. We're not stupid." Gen countered, raising her finger to Lily.

"He talks too much," Lily mumbled, "But I wouldn't be able to anyway! Hunter and I have traditions to keep up. We match costumes, then go out trick or treating, then come home, watch Halloweentown and then go to bed." she stated, stealing her hand back from her sister, "plus Rose, you're pregnant!"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows as she watched her sister and best friend share a look. One that the mother knew all too well. They had planned something. And what that was? Well, Lily didn't know. All she knew is that she wouldn't like it. She never enjoyed their plans. The last time she went through with one, she ended up racing home and having to take her husband to court because of the neglect of their child. Plus, she'd much prefer to stay home and spend time with her son. After the month she had, she just wanted a night in with the two of them.

"We figured you'd say no..." Rose began, flicking her hazel eyes to Gen.

"...So we came up with a backup plan. That was actually, Hunter's idea." Gen smiled softly, offering her hand to her best friend, "Come with us and he'll explain."

Lily cocked her eyebrow at the two of them. Standing, the blonde laced her hand into Gen's and was soon led out into her own living room where Hunter sat on the floor with Joey watching national geographic. Lily smiled softly at the boy before she was essentially forced into sitting on their sofa, with both Rose and Gen coaxing Hunter to explain whatever they had decided to try and convince Lily on.

"Mum, what if Mr. Barnes joined us for Halloween this year?" the boy commented, turning off the television and turning towards his mother.

Lily was taken aback by her son’s bold offer. Glancing back and forth at the two women on either side of her, only to be greeted with raised hands of innocence. Moving onto the floor, Lily took her son’s hands into her own, searching his face for any sort of blackmail being used by the two girls behind her. But he seemed genuine. She knew this because there was a rosy hue to his cheeks, meaning he was even embarrassed to ask her something like that.

"Are you sure, Hunt? It's always just been us on Halloween." Lily hummed, running a thumb across the boy’s cheek.

"Mum if I didn't want to I wouldn't have asked. I like Mr. Barnes. He's fun." Hunter stated simply, tilting his head into his mother’s touch.

"If that's what you want buddy, then sure. We can have Bucky here for Halloween." Lily agreed, ruffling the boy’s hair before standing up and turning towards her sister and best friend, "I'm guessing you already asked him?"

When the two gave energetic nods, the young mother shook her head with a laugh, making her way back out towards her office to finish the costumes.

-----

Lily still lived in the real world. And held a full-time job. As did Rose and Gen. Which meant, there was no one to watch Hunter on the actual day of Halloween while Lily worked. well, that's what she thought at first. But of course, who were Rose and Gen to let anything peaceful happen in the life of their best friend and sister. Though Lily was far from bold enough to make such a request, she didn't have much of a choice. Plus, he was already spending the evening with them. Lily still hadn't enough trust in babysitters, despite having a plethora of neighbours whom she did trust...she just trusted him a bit more.

"Thank you for coming on short notice." the blonde sighed softly as she opened up the door to her house, "Gen has a meeting today and Rose is in upper manhattan, so neither were available."

"It's no issue, Lily," Bucky's gruff morning tone cooed as he took a step into the house, "I like the kid, no stress. Sam and Steve may swing by around noon, mind if I bring Hunt with us out for some lunch?"

"That would be amazing, Buck." she hummed, not even giving the nickname a second thought, though her cheeks did subconsciously heat up, "Here." the blonde smiled, digging her hands into her purse, only to have his flesh hand rest on the arm of her thin white cardigan.

"No need. It's my treat." the man smiled, his hand lingering across her wrist before he pulled it away.

The way that he looked at her made Lily's heart skip a beat. His steel-blue eyes pouring into the mossy green of her own. All of the air in the foyer seemed to be sucked out, as though the world paused around her. Neither moved, and the world melted away. It was Hunter who had managed to snap the two out of it. The sound of a glass breaking against hardwood made Lily jump, her hand resting above the pale purple scrubs she wore, gripping her name tag.

Glancing at her watch, Lily sighed, dropping her bag, "I'll go clean that up then head to wo- "

"Let me." Bucky hummed, picking the woman's bag back up, "You head into work. I'll take care of the kid and the mess, I promise."

With one more glance towards the kitchen, Lily nodded slowly before bidding her goodbyes. When she got into the car in her driveway, the blonde let out a deep sigh. Her eyes glanced up to the door of the place she called home for a few years now. She spotted Bucky and Hunter standing in the doorframe, Hunter still in his pyjamas with a new cup of orange juice in his hand. Bucky's hand placed securely on the boy’s shoulder. The picture warmed Lily's heart, and she found her mind wandering ever so slightly.

The same scene, but with Lily standing there. A baby in her arms as Bucky placed a kiss on her temple. Hunter, aged up a few years with Joey by his side. But this image found itself framed, upon the wall of a different home.

Chiding herself, Lily shook her head, reversing from out front of the home. Away from the moment that made her heart swell.

-----

Another day, Another pay. Don't be mistaken, Lily loved her job. She adored being able to spend the day with children and make them feel better. But today was a rough one. Lily had a patient come in with severe symptoms. It broke Lily's heart. He looked around the same age as her son, and that was what she always found most difficult. Seeing the children that were experiencing the same sort of year as her son. Just turning twelve or not even quite there yet. It broke her heart, really.

Pushing the door open to her quaint home, Lily perked an eyebrow up at the smell of something sweet. That of a certain morning breakfast that seemed to be a reoccurring theme in the most recent months of Lily's life. A small smile spread across her lips as she placed her work bag down onto the front bench, kicking off her shoes before passing the stairs and through the hall back to the kitchen where she ducked around the corner, leaning on the wall.

"Well now what do we have here?" she chuckled, catching the two boy's attention.

Sliding her phone from her pocket, the blonde snapped a photo of the mess of a kitchen the two had made. Both had flour on their face, and the mother of the younger boy giggled. The number of blueberries that were on the floor, or should she say, making their way into Joey's stomach, was more than she saw in the bit of batter the two had made.

"We wanted to surprise you." Hunter grinned brightly, lifting his hands in a stance of innocence, "It was Bucky's idea!"

"Hey-! Way to through me under the bus buddy." the taller man laughed, hands dropping to tickle at the blonde boy's sides.

Lily shook her head with a hearty chuckle escaping her lips. Running a hand through her golden strands, the young mom sauntered forward and pressed a kiss to Hunter's head, before giving Bucky a soft glance. Shrugging off her cardigan, the doctor sent a teasing eyebrow raise to the two boys. Tossing the piece of fabric across one of the chairs at the table, the blonde shooed both away from the counter.

"Before you blow up my kitchen," she quipped, "Allow me to take over."

One brand new batch of batter and a new pack of blueberries later, Lily placed a large stack of fluffy pancakes atop the refurnished birch table that Bucky and Hunter sat at. Placing her hands on her waist, Lily merely smirked and shrugged the entire event off as though it were nothing. The main thing that made her happy on the inside, however, was watching the two dig into the golden brown delicacies she had made moments ago.

"Sit and eat, Lil. They're amazing," said Bucky, a mouthful of blueberry pancake muffling most of his words.

"Alright alright. Then we have to get ready to go out. don't want it to be too dark." Lily chuckled, pulling out a chair next to Bucky.

With dishes and the kitchen cleaned, the trio found themselves all dressed and ready to go for the Halloween festivities taking place outside of the home. Kids were already knocking on doors and stuffing their faces with candy. While Hunter was still trying to get the bandana we wore to properly stay on his head, or actually tie it. Hunter and Lily had already planned on taking on Halloween dressed as pirates, and Bucky just happened to have the proper rugged look for it.

Lily herself, well she wore quite the getup. The ripped fabric of white, burgundy, and plaid making up a skirt that hugged her waist. A white peasant blouse that hugged off of her shoulders sat underneath a black leather corset vest that dipped just below her chest. A pirate hat with gold trim and a peacock feather sat atop gentle blonde curls. Suede boots hit just below her knee with fishnet tights underneath. Bucky wore a fairly standard get-up, simple black pants with a loose cream-coloured top underneath a suede vest and taller boots.

"Mum I can't get my bandana tied!" Hunter sighed, dropping his hands against his own dark pants, "Can you do it?"

Lily grinned and made her way over to the boy, doing up the piece of fabric before handing him a pillowcase for the candy he'd be collecting. Turning to glance over her shoulder, the blonde caught the eyes of Bucky. His eyes were already glued to her, and the way they moved up and down her made a bright red flush fill the girl’s pale cheeks. She pursed her lips and let her hands fall to Hunter's shoulders, her eyes unwavering from those cool blue ones of Buckys.

"If you two are done staring into each other’s eyes," Hunter quipped, "I have candy to collect."

"Hunter!" Lily exclaimed, looking down at her boy.

"Yeah doll," Bucky winked, "Keep focused. The kid's gotta get his candy."

Lily watched in shock as the two walked out the door, leaving the blonde dumbfounded as she hooked Joey's leash onto his collar. Rolling her eyes, the blonde followed behind, shaking her head until she caught up to the two.

-----

"I didn't mean to make the kid freak out!" Bucky laughed as the three re-entered the house, "It's not like I'm in a mask! Plus the arm doesn't help give away who I am."

"Oh, please you totally knew he recognized you!" Lily retorted, unhooking Joey, "You kept rolling your sleeve up whenever we saw him!"

"I'm with mom on this one." Hunter commented, dumping the large stash of candy he had collected into the middle of the living room floor, "I think you liked seeing Kellin dressed as you, Bucky." he chuckled, sorting through the pile.

"Well obviously!" the man chuckled, sliding his vest off, "I think what shocked me most was the number of people dressed up like Sam. We can keep the information here. It'll only make his head inflate even more."

The trio continued the night, laughing, eating candy, and watching the iconic Halloweentown. At around ten-thirty, Lily put the young boy to bed, leaving her alone with the ex-assassin that was sitting in her living room. Which she didn't mind, she'd begun to see yet another new side to Bucky. One that made her realize just how much the man yearned for the security and domesticity of a family. And how Lily wished to give that to him. To lay that troubled mind of his to rest at last, and allow him the peace and tranquillity of a modern day family. And for a while, she believed the two had that. That night. He now changed into a t-shirt and sweats he had left at the house last time, Lily in a pair of baby blue plaid pyjama pants and an oversized white sweater. Both sipping lightly on coffee while they sat across from one another, legs touching.

"You've got something good going here, doll." the man hummed, eyes averting towards the fire at the other side of the room, "Back in the ‘40s this is something I believed I'd have one day."

Lily watched the man with a soft expression. The way his eyes seemed to cloud with troubles when he began talking. It broke her heart, knowing that this sweet and gentle man had been through more than Lily could ever fathom. He had murders attached to his name, yet he petted Joey like he would break the dog, and acted as though Hunter was the most precious thing in the world. And when he would touch Lily, her hand, her wrist, it was though she were made of glass. He was sensitive, and Lily's heart grew ten sizes whenever she saw him allow his guard down, even for a split second. Allowing her to peak into that complex mind of his.

"Why can't you have it now?" Lily questioned, "Find a nice girl. Settle down somewhere quiet. Have a family. Why is it so different now?"

The man turned his attention back to that of the woman sat beside him, "That wouldn't be fair to them. The kids...if I had them. The past I have would follow them everywhere, they'd learn about what I did in class. I was a monster, Lily."

Setting her mug to the side, Lily moved a bit closer to the taller man. She took his coffee from his hands and placed it to the side. She wasn't sure what came over her. Her mind believed it to be that of her having such a lovely night with him. Watching him with Hunter. Seeing the way he would look at her. She wasn't sure. She just knew he felt something back towards her. Maybe the kiss they shared was what drove her, but she just knew this was her window.

So she took his face in her hands, "Buck you had no choice. And now? You're one of the most loved heroes. You beat the darkness. I give stickers out of you at work now!" she chuckled, running a careful thumb across his jawline, "I know if I was the girl you settled with, there would be no fear of having a family."

Bucky looked at the girl with a tender look in his steel eyes. His hand reached up and tucked a stray hair of blonde hair behind her ear, moving forward. The air in the room grew thick and a sense of anxiety washed over Lily. She watched intently as he continued his advance forward. Before she could comprehend it, the two shared their second kiss. This one was different though. There was something new behind it. Lily couldn't put her finger on it. But they didn't break apart, no, they moulded together and paused for air every so often. Lily tangled her fingers in the man’s long brown hair, tugging gently.

But a knock at the door interrupted them.

"We'll talk about what you said tomorrow, okay doll?" Bucky cooed, running a thumb across the girl’s cheekbone, "You stay here. I'll grab the door."

Well, that was how Bucky Barnes met Lily Osborne's parents.

[flowerflamestars]

Hey hey hey. I hope you're doing well!! With A court of Silver Flames coming soon, I was wondering what your opinion is about it. Personally I'm rather worried with how the book will go and I just really don't want Nesta to go to the Illyrians Mountains. I want her to say fuck it and whatever happens she does on her own terms. But I don't believe that's very likely and well, 😔. Here's to hoping that Sarah is going to do a great job with the book.

Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year!! ❤️❤️

Hey! I had lovely holidays, I hope you did too :)

I am of...so many minds about the next book. Overall, I really do think its going to be a lot like reading acowar: I’ll enjoy reading it in a light way, but retrospective awareness of plot holes/weird character stuff will keep me from loving it. Fun book not...a masterful book that holds up?

I have MANY wishes for how Nesta’s story would play out, but the ground work for a very different series of events is where acofas left us. 

I’ve talked at length about how the Illyria thing seems...bad. I initially tried to be excited?? GOD do I want a nessian book! an Illyrian revolution! But the framework is just..fucked? I’m not down with a romance starting with the woman in the pairing (who has already told her male counterpart to leave her alone) being passed like a recalcitrant pet into his custody. 

Do I love a situation with strife and limitations that forces people to see each other? Yes. Do I like this one? Eh.

In particular the setup of this one is functioning on multiple bad levels. Feyre, sending her sister away because she’s decided personal offense? Is the response? To someone clearly at rock bottom and suicidal? Taking away another home, this one Nesta was always sure didn’t want her, proving to Nesta that her sister can’t stand to have her even in the same city.

Rhysand, who I’ve talked about before in this instance. Who wants Nesta gone. If Nesta dies in Illyria, fine. She’ll probably take out some of rebels when she goes. She’s Cassian’s mate? Cool maybe she’ll kill whoever inevitable comes at him. It’s sending an armed nuclear weapon into a failing peace talk. Rhys knows Illyria is on the edge of rebellion.

Cassian. Just- jesus christ, Cassian. It’s like he can’t get it right because he doesn’t trust himself enough, ever, to just go with his first impulse where Nesta is concerned. (See, following Rhysands threat to the letter and NOT SAYING A WORD TO HER AT SOLSTICE, BUT THEN FOLLOWING HER OUT INTO THE DARK BECAUSE HE DID, IN FACT, WANT HOLIDAY TIME WITH HER). He’s maybe hurt her the most? 

Which leads me to something else. I am very, very excited to have both of their canon POVs. Because I have questions! 

Like, okay, the big failure is obviously the end of that last terrible battle. We see them decide to die together. The kiss. The bloody embrace. Hybern’s death. The promise that probably meant quite literally everything to Nesta.

And then...all we know, from like, a little throwaway sentence is that somehow, the next time we see Cas, moments later, he is a)well enough to stagger off the field (did Nesta try to heal him?), and b) arm in arm with Morrigan.

Mor was, I think, supposed to be protecting Elain? It’s her only action through the entire war, and we never see it happen, and then she.... showed up somewhere behind her charge, who’d just stabbed Hybern...to... rip Cassian out of Nesta’s arms and heal him? Once again be a physical, vicious barrier, while Nesta is too in shock to say anything and Cassian...lets her?

And lets be clear, he had to have let her. I know he’s half dead, but one book before we have Cassian unconscious, scrabbling in a pool of his own blood, completely unaware but still trying to respond to Nesta being tossed in the Cauldron.

He’s aware. Present. 

And I want to know why it happened! I want someone to reveal this terrible break, that is, I think, quite literally where Nesta fractured. 

Illyrian promises are a Big Deal in-universe. Cassian promised her- and then, does it just not count, because they did not, in fact, die? 

He’s not stupid, or cruel- though Cassian’s pride and wounded ego temper does cockblock him CONSTANTLY- what the hell happened?

I’m getting way off topic- but the thing is, as much as I want them together, I think the best outcome for Nesta is to have an ally that isn’t Cassian. 

Hello, Emerie. 

But! Much like the mountain set up at all, that’s also totally fraught? I’ve said it before, but could there be any bigger insult to Illyrian ladies denied their power, fighting unsuccessfully for rights, for the privilege to be Illyrian...than yet another High Fae lady, this one clearly unwilling, living in their mountains, learning their techniques, from a legendary general???

So yes, I agree, Nesta’s banishment was a pretty shitty call on all accounts.

I like the idea of the Queens being her enemies. That it wasn’t just done, what happened to her and destroyed her life, with Hybern. That Nesta has to face what else the Cauldron made. 

(A note though, on power: the narrative needs to decide, SO BADLY, what Nesta’s powers are. Primordial? Deadly? Cool, then Rhysand shouldn’t be pushing her around. The Cauldron canonically made the world, and Nesta canonically took so much of its magic she permanently damaged its function.)

What I would do, if I were writing it, is this: I’d have Cassian let Nesta go. 

He takes her out of Velaris. Away from Rhys and Feyre, from everything, and says, you don’t have to come with me.

And it’ll mean- you don’t have to come with me, because I know you don’t want to. I won’t trap you. Now or ever. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Cassian, going in one direction, free in the sky. Nesta, going another, unmoored but choosing it. Cassian handles the Illyrian rebellion, and figuring out what he needs. Nesta heals slow, falls in with the Band of Exiles, whose closeness to human causes leads her back to helping her people, to eventual collision course with the Queens.

SEPARATE journeys in parallel that come together in peril. They meet again strong. Free of the Night Court. Trying to do what is right.

And then, they fight. Because it’s still the easiest language they both speak. But they ALSO still love each other- and isn’t this, after all, so very nearly another life? It’s time, to fight side by side.

But what I think is going to happen is a lot more...painful? They’re going to go to Illyria and Cassian is going to make Nesta train. They’re going to fight and fuck, hurt each other with both those things way before they’re ready for something real. The rebellion might not happen? Nesta’s going to get a Feyre 2.0 fighting course. It’ll empower her...but it’s still not her choice. 

She’s then either going to a) go rogue and go after the Queens herself, b) get kidnapped again, or c)Rhysand is going to send her and Cassian after them, banishment matchmaking vol. 2: the assassination assignation, maybe with backseat Azriel, who has also had goddamn enough of everything.

Love is, of course, going to prevail, but really at this point, what I want most (aside from ANSWERS)is just...Nesta’s health? For her to spend time around people who treat her with even the slightest modicum of respect?

And I do have hope! The advertising has emphasized found family specifically. I hope, so badly, that that means Nesta gets her own family. That her journey takes her to a place she chooses. 

Cassian needs to heal too- and really, really, decide to live for himself and make his own choices. My greatest hope isn’t just that it’s a sexy love story, but that they end up better, freer, and more appreciated by the end. 

[unordinaryquotes]

UnOrdinary Chapter 192 Review

-At least John can realize Zeke’s just a bitch. How long is that gonna last though? We know our supreme king will has no problem using others

-Guys I’m crying. Arlo showing the caring side of him is amazing and the fact that he only really does it for Remi is sweet.

-Remi basically saying “If it weren’t for you telling me that, I would tear John apart” I’m also glad that Arlo and Remi are continuing with Arlo’s rest period.

-Get you a blonde tsundere who calls you by a nickname when tired.

-It’s not a club, it’s a treehouse gathering. Also, not Remi’s fault that literally everyone but you likes her and is willing to go along with her ideas. John admitting he’s new is kinda crap as well, weren’t you King in your previous school, you should have some experience. Oh wait, I forgot, he spent all that time terrorizing innocent kids rather than doing anything Kingly.

-I understand him being skeptical about Arlo, but the Blyke one is stupid. Blyke tried so hard to be nice to you and apologized for what he did. I get you were going through a hard time, but you can’t ignore the effort he made.

-Holden being included in things makes me so happy. I want him to get more focus in the story and develop cute relationships with the other characters (I’m holding out for a Holden and Evie friendship)

-John’s so mad that everyone else still sees worth in Seraphina, not our fault you dropped her the moment she started challenging you. Also John finally got the idea of the Safe House right, just people hanging out in a room. Not so sure about the shitty comment though.

-John just wants people to feel as shitty as he feels so when no one takes it he gets mad. Also proof that John isn’t doing this to help students, he’s doing it to exact revenge on the people who wronged him. While I’m not a fan of the saying “An eye for an eye makes everyone blind” John isn’t just taking the Royals eyes, he’s running around stabbing passerby’s eyes as well.

-John, you have just activated the trope trap card. Because of your foolish statement Safe House will now not only succeed, but make you the biggest joke since the chicken crossed the road. Though if I were to give my real thoughts, I do think the Safe House will start off shakily but eventually evolve into a great place.

-We finally got a name for Arlo’s aunt! Aunt Valerie. Guess both her real name and code name start with a V. This also might be the most relaxed we’ve ever seen Arlo. A casual way of sitting and loose fitting clothing really makes it seem like he’s relaxing at home. It could be that he’s a lot more comfortable with his aunt, probably even more than Remi.

-These two lines...these two lines made me go ballistic. Let’s unpack this one by one. First off, Valerie and Arlo haven’t talked to each other in a while apparently. From the voice comment I’m guessing the last time they spoke was when Arlo was going through or right before his growth spurt in second year. This is interesting for two reasons. One, cause this is around the time that Arlo had to deal with all the weight of becoming King and Rei leaving. Instead of relying on anyone or even calling his aunt for advice, he took on the entire thing by himself. That’s way too much stress for any kid to handle and the fact that he wouldn’t even give a call to a respected relative shows he was dead set on doing everything by himself, which led to extreme stress and a change in personality. Second is that Arlo probably hasn’t been going home for any holidays. Normally at holidays a school like this would have the choice for kids to go home or stay on campus, and his aunt not hearing him in a while could be signifying that he hasn’t gone home during these break times. Instead, he probably spent the holidays alone (or maybe during his first year he was invited by Rei over to his home, please Uru) which worsened his lack of communication and dependency. But why wouldn’t he go home...well the next lines are interesting

-Valerie asking how is Arlo’s father seems normal on the surface but if you think about it, it’s real fucking weird. They’re in the same family aren’t they? Shouldn’t Valerie be in contact with Arlo’s father, especially if he’s her brother. This makes me think that Valerie is related to Arlo on his mom’s side which will be important later. Still, why would two family members not be in contact with each other? A reason could be that the family was broken up for whatever reason or maybe the two hate each other. Notice how Valerie doesn’t ask about Arlo’s mom, could his mom be out of the picture? Either from divorce or possibly death. Could his fixation on finding out about Rei’s death be because his own mother died at a young age. Maybe she got into an accident or was killed? Or maybe, it was suicide. That would definitely break a family apart to the point of no contact between in laws. What if Arlo’s father is abusive and drove his mom to suicide? Maybe Valerie hates his father for basically killing her sister and she tried her best to be there for her son. She probably couldn’t win a custody battle but she always tried her best to be in his life to be a positive role model. Arlo himself doesn’t seem to pleased talking about his father. A simple “He’s fine” and a curt “Great” in response. The two have probably done this a number of times, neither of them really caring about Arlo’s father.

-Why can I already see the two of them ending up at the boba store in town, with Arlo suggesting the mango boba to her and Valerie looking absolutely bewildered that he would say something like that.

-Another weird thing though is the question “Are you still going to Wellston?” Wouldn’t she have already known this. I think it’s more proof that she and Arlo’s father aren’t in contact. Also could it be that Arlo actually moved schools a lot as a kid or that his family might have a more impoverished life style that couldn’t support a high end school. (Probably not but it’s an idea)

-So Valerie’s division just so happens to transfer her to the Wellston area when only a few months ago we got that Ember report stating they’re gonna start making their moves on the Wellston targets. Suspicious. People who’ve had family in the police, are transfers like this normal?

-We’re gonna get our Arlo and Valerie meeting soon and I’m gonna be living for it. I also want Valerie and Seraphina to run into each other and have a talk. Just give Valerie a chance to show a caring side to her and maybe even info dump Arlo’s backstory to Sera. But this is all so when Valerie is revealed not only Arlo will be betrayed, but Sera too. A 2 for 1 special

-What’s this look for though? Is he getting suspicious about his aunt? Or could it be that he’s reluctant to actually meet with her? Maybe he doesn’t want her to see what he’s become. Either way, I’m expecting a lot of drama when these two meet face to face

This entire review was actually just Arlo theories, the Remi things were just a way to trick you into seeing my inane ramblings