#but whatever ill fix it when i can think properly
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dreamsofnightmares2035 · 7 months ago
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holy jesus mary and joseph, it's done, the backbreaker is done!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow#but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done#and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird#but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow#so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood#was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone#ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and#hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy#i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better#god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely#focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony#so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno#lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done#to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself#sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough#lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime#so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha#back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies#oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad#tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire#tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh#unrelated
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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ok sry last one. sry
#its like i know im unwell but when i go to talk to ppl abt it i just cant#it never phrases right i never actually am able to articulate how I feel because i dont really know i guess. and it feels like the words i#use r judt sort of. borrowed? i dont say things how i feel bc i dont know how i feel i say like. i say things how i think a person would say#them. and sometimes its nott acurate but i dont have anything in my toolbox thats closer#does that make sense. snd i also like. ontop of base communication issue#i dont like being honest. thats not rly it. i want to be homest bc i want help#but when i talk to a therapist im bad at telling the full like. how do explain#im bad at being like..how i actually am bc i edit mysel#and sometimes i edit tooheabily an i leave out entire bits of like. tje context i guess#which is bad im supposed to give full context but it makes me feel ill to not tell ppl what they want to hear#and obviously a therapist doesnt Want to hear anything theyre judtdoing their job#but i cant r fullt honest snd the idsue is ill focus too much on one aspect eith the therapist#snd then they think thats the only thing and then i bring in a nother thing and they like. ots too much theres not enough time to talk abt#everything bc i ramble#i dont know. i eish i knew how to properly seek help#i need to get a pcp too. i need it for the blood marrow thing they said i need apcp bc of the fainting thing#its judt bsd luck. i just happene to hsve a fainting spell a couple days b4 the call#it doesnt rly mstter. i dont faint often its like every 2 months maybr. and its always my fault#i dont know what it was last time i think i was just overstimulated and maybe hungry#and that time at work was um. hunger anyways#and most times b4 that it was hot showers or baths or blood or whatever. it doesnt matter#and of it is a deepseated issue and ill die from it..idk. i dont want 2 get it checked out bc then ill habe to.pay.to.get it fixed#and i dont hsve a job which means my family will have to apy to get it fied and who cares#its probably just a blood pressure things and the doctors would just. idk. not getting into it#i just dont think it matters i guess. if i die i die and then its not my fault yk NFNFJG#and i wont die its judt lightheadedness and somrtimes fainting. and i can get on the ground usually
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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urgh.. trying to troubleshoot an assay while my mind feels frozen in amber..its not happening
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crepes-suzette-373 · 6 months ago
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[Ch 1119 spoiler] Sanji can activate his exoskeleton at will?? So it wasn't him flipping unconsciously, he was doing it on purpose???
Or, if it's not at will, at the very least he's fully aware that it's activated.
WHAT!?!?!??!!?
This is really important!! If he can be self-aware when the exoskeleton was activated or he can turn it on and off at will, then he knows this is happening when he said "Power of Love". He might just be sarcastic, but he still knows full well that what he is calling "Power of Love" is the Germa mods.
See below how one moment the brow is normal and the next he can just casually do Ifrit Jambe (brow flipped, of course):
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I know I probably shouldn't assume too much with very minimal info, but... there doesn't seem to be any alternative explanation at this point?
If Sanji doesn't mind calling the exoskeleton mods "Power of Love", then it's not impossible for the mods to be "redeemed" into just a force of good later. All we need is to make sure there is to somehow remove the time bomb trigger of his emotions getting messed up.
For the longest time I've noted that Sora was only protesting about the boys' emotions being fiddled with (theory post here). She did not say she's not okay with them having powers.
TL;DR in my analysis I've come to the conclusion that the reason why Sanji's modifications also disappeared when Sora's medicine worked on him because all the modifications are in the lineage factor. Whatever is in that medicine, it affected the entire lineage factor and so it blocked both the emotion manipulation and also the physical manipulation. We just don't really know the why and how specifics yet.
Therefore, Sanji keeping the powers is not against Sora's intentions. Once again, as long as he doesn't lose his ability to empathise and be kind, the exoskeleton and superpowers are fine. It'd be exactly like the Kamen Rider parallel, where the Rider got his whole powers from the evil organisation that he was fighting. He was just using that ill-gotten powers for the sake of good.
In some of my older theory posts I mentioned since Vegapunk is out of commission, extracting or manipulating very very specific strands of the lineage factor might be doable using Law's fruit powers, since it can selectively extract out his disease. We'll see later...
I'm kind of cautiously hopeful/excited. When I made the solar eclipse theory with Germa being the moon and Sora being the sun, I'm not sure if the intention is that he needs to get rid of the eclipsing moon to "become the sun" (remove Germa mods entirely), or the moon can stay but needs to be "adjusted/realigned" so that it can function properly because moonlight is simply the sun's reflection after all (fixing the Germa mods so that the exoskeleton and heightened speed and strength can stay, but no longer has any impact on his "heart"/emotions).
My personal preference is the latter, but in the fandom people were hyping up the former. I've seen some theories saying that Sora's medicine gave Sanji superpowers that is not the Germa mods somehow, so I wasn't overly confident with my theory, but this new chapter indicates that the version that I like is not completely impossible or off base. Crossing fingers...
Also this gives me a liiiiiittle bit more hope that 124ji can be healed later too. Think about it, even a full lunar eclipse doesn't make the moon go entirely dark and disappear. It just makes it look red and weird. There's still light in there.
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animeomegas · 9 months ago
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Soulmates: Okay, you must have telepathy or something, seriously! For a couple weeks now I've been working on a soulmate series with the fandoms in mind being Naruto and One Piece for right now. Getting ideas so things aren't the same across the board has been difficult.
As for the poll... I honestly had a few in mind as a general "who'd like the idea of having a soulmate." Since it wasn't multiple choice I put Itachi but Naruto, Gaara, Kakashi, and Lee, with Neji in a close position behind them, would be really high on my list. It all has to do with their life situations from canon.
So Itachi, if we stayed with canon, I could really see him hoping to meet them especially after being forced to kill his clan. I'm of the mind the Uchiha clan loves deeply, if not so much quickly. Knowing he has someone out there that would love him platonically or romantically without judging his past at least TOO harshly would be something I could see getting him through things. I don't think he'd want to find them because of what he's done and then with being ill, and having Sasuke coming after him...I just don't see him wanting to put them through that. If it was a non-massacre AU situation though, I still see him really loving the concept but in this scenario he'd want to find them. They'd be his safe haven, his quiet place, the one who really knows him behind the mask he wears for family and village. I can even see him actively looking for them depending on how the soulmate connection worked.
As for Naruto, I mean the boy really needs 100% on the poll. After all he's put through, sacrifices, and gives freely for loved ones and village, the boy deserves a soulmate and the sooner the better! Being called demon and monster and shunned as a kid could have really put him on a darker path and if we looked at it logically, he should have. I mean I can really see him being the ultimate villain in the story. However, with a soulmate - if someone explained it to him properly - I could see this being a dream right up there with wanting to be Hokage. To know someone will love him for him, Ramen obsession and all 🙂, would be something extra special to him and boy, don't let him hear you bad mouth them! Before he finds them or not. And then of course, the fluff!!!
Gaara, after his seal is fixed or whatever we want to say happens between the chunin exam invasion and when we see him next as a kage (I may have forgotten if they explained this or not it's been a hot minute since I've seen Shippuden), is kind of in the same situation as Naruto in a way. He'd probably be afraid of finding them at first because of Shukaku and not wanting to know someone who's his fears him. That'd break him, I think. But once he sees they aren't afraid of him and how tender they are with him it would be his most precious treasure.
There's a Part 2 to this! Look for it. 😆
OH MY GOSH! THIS ASK IS AMAZING! Okay, okay, okay, let me give me thoughts a section at a time, and then I'll get to the other ones ;)
ITACHI
With canon Itachi, I think you're so right in that his soulmate story is a tragic romance. He yearns for them, it brings him peace on his worst nights to know that there's someone out there who could love him, even after everything. But he will never, ever try to find them. If they found him, he'd run away so fast.
He feels cursed. His soulmate doesn't deserve to be dragged into this. They may be sad to never meet their soulmate, but whether they know it or not, Itachi thinks they'll be happier if he's dead.
Where this is complicated a bit, is what happens if Itachi has already found his soulmate before he massacre's his clan. But I still think that he'd run. He thinks it would hurt them less if he doesn't drag them into it. And if they're also an Uchiha? Well, I think he would rationalise that they'd be better off dead, give them a nice genjutsu life before killing them... and then he leaves Konoha with his soul quite literally broken.
Non-massacre Itachi is exactly as you said! His soulmate is his safe space! They would be so cute. Itachi would be so smitten. He pretends to be all logical about it whenever his teammates or Shisui would tease him about eventually finding his soulmate. Acting all mature like 'it's effort that makes a relationship succeed' and 'my first duty is to my clan'.
But then. Then! He meets his soulmate and boy is gone, he's a pile of love sick mush. Sasuke is incredibly judgemental about the whole thing lol.
NARUTO
So, Naruto is actually who I voted for, so safe to say I agree with you haha. But you summed it up so perfectly!
Child!Naruto wants to be loved. He wants someone to see him and love him, that's his biggest wish. Wanting to become Hokage is actually a step to achieving that, so actually being loved is his number one goal. So if he knew he had a soulmate out there somewhere? Oh boy. Meeting them is his dream, his ultimate life goal.
He dreams about them, he even talks to his imaginary version of his soulmate when he's sad. If he has some kind of mark, he caresses it all the time. He's keeps a sharp eye out for his soulmate.
But what I think is so cute about a soulmate AU with Naruto, is he talks about them constantly, he's desperate to find them, everyone around him is like lol, poor soulmate is going to be bombarded by him.
And then Naruto meets them, and he gets shy. He's all blushy and starry eyed and shy, and it's literally the cutest thing in the world!
GAARA
I think your idea is very realistic for Gaara, in the sense that he needs to be in the right place, as an adult, before he's anticipating his soulmate.
I do think that he's way more cautious than Naruto though. While he believes in soulmates, I think he doesn't quite fall in love with them until he meets them and gets to know them. He's not going to fall in love with a concept like Naruto.
But once he finds them, he's so pro soulmates. With his own children, he encourages them heavily to find their soulmate, and will give as many resources as they need to make it happen.
So in a weird way, Gaara is more in love with the concept of soulmates after he's already found his own.
(I will get to part 2 when I've given my elbow a break from typing haha! <3)
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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 4 months ago
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have you ever broken up with someone? i need to do it for mental health reasons (we're still quite in love) and it's obvs really hard. do you or the maggots have any ideas?
Hey anon maggot! I have, yeah, a few times, and the last time was kind of similar to your situation. It was a really healthy relationship and I loved them but I was in an awful space mentally and I had to break up with them. I'll put it in after the uh advice so you can read it if you want.
So my advice:
1. Be very clear about the breakup, and about your intentions for the future. Make sure both of you understand that you are ending it, don't sugarcoat that part. Don't call it taking time or a break or anything other than breaking up. You're ending the relationship.
2. Explain the reason for you breaking up, but make sure the fact that you still have feelings for each other doesn't make it seem like there's any leeway about the breakup. You are breaking up. If less detail is better, then do that.
3. I know opinions are divided on this, but in my past relationships I've always found that you should cut off contact for a good while, rather than "stay friends". It's not helpful while you're getting better and they're getting over you, you both need space. Maybe you can be friends later when the relationship is properly in the past. But that's later.
4. Be prepared for it to fucking suck. It hurts, a lot. And you'll know it's hurting the other person too. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong choice. It's just that you cared about each other and the relationship was valuable. That's a good thing. Let yourself be upset without trying to fix the situation. Don't go back and forth and make it messier for both you and them. You'll miss them. That's normal. The breakup was still needed.
5. Take care of yourself. Talk to people you love. Know that you'll be okay, eventually. The pain heals and becomes bittersweet. You become grateful for the good parts. You begin to see the situation clearer. But all of that shit takes time, and give yourself that time.
6. You'll have to become okay with letting go of the other person and accepting that maybe they will blame you or be hurt or will never want to talk to you again. It sucks and their feelings are entirely valid, but you still have to choose what's better for you and for both of you in the long run.
Take care of your mental health, anon maggot. Been there. Survive it. Sending all the love and healing. I hope it goes okay, as okay as it can be anyway, and take whatever is helpful from this advice and discard the rest. <3
The breakup story under the cut:
So like I said, i was in a healthy relationship with someone whom I loved and who had been my best friend before that. But i was very ill mentally and physically, and i had to end it.
However, I fudged it up, kind of, because it was a couple of months before a major exam for me, and I said we needed to break up until then at least. They understood because I hadn't been in contact with people for a month at that point, and that was upsetting them too. So we broke up, except, well...
I didn't end up getting better, if anything i got worse. And I think they were waiting for me and were... excited for after the exam. I found this out through a mutual friend and I had to tell the friend to tell them that we weren't really going to get back together.
Long story short, we still wish each for our birthday via a message forwarded by the mutual friend. But they don't want any further contact with me and it took them a very long time to feel okay. I still feel guilty for how I ended it, even if it was best I could with the mental space I was in then.
So yeah, from that experience and my past breakups, I learned a lot and hence the advice. Take care <3
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ollypopwrites · 1 month ago
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one of veilguards failings is that we spend so much time caring for our team (which is standard fare for a rpg just like bg3 but this game highlights the found family trope much more explicitly) but then have this huge emotional reveal about our own character that was never touched upon, confronted or hinted at in a way it would in a meaningful relationship (romantic or otherwise)
DA:2 inquisition and other rpgs let your feelings matter (i’m not gonna compare to bg3 too much cuz they are different games but similar genre) — but think about iron bull and his insistence that inky need a space where they aren’t in charge, or cullen taking inky somewhere to get away and offering her a good luck charm to keep her safe — PRAYING FOR HER SAFE RETURN — cassandra despite whatever clashes her and inky had coming together as friends and her saying “oh… that does sound like i’m blaming you” when inky gives pushback
or there is an angry monologue option for inquisitor in trespasser where the advisors all look on in horror as inky finally cracks because nothing stays fucking fixed and they believe they are going to die saving everyone who is trying to tear them and their sacrifice apart
i saw someone on tiktok (if i can find it again ill link it) say that the only way the varric reveal works is if either the writing failed to properly incorporate the character of rook into the equation of the team dynamic or we are supposed to assume that the companions don’t really care enough about rook to make sure theyre okay even with the theme of a leader taking on the brunt of everything for their team. like your leader is talking to someone that is dead and no one goes “hey are you doing okay” they’re going to lead you in a fight against a god. no. 3! 3 gods. you’re not gonna say anything??
i have to agree somewhat that because of the dynamic it feels like rook is running group therapy and is deteriorating in the meantime. even when we choose sad or angry responses no one reacts to us.
as far as i have seen (and i haven’t seen all romances yet, granted) emmerichs romance is the only one where there’s conflict and/or acknowledgment of what rook actually says to any of them that isn’t just about the companion. rook gets upset with him, he gets upset back, but the level of tension varies and rises with the dialogue choices — even if the banter after is the same, the dialogue rook said is acknowledged in the scene itself
other than that varric, and fuck even Solas, are the only ones who check on them. and idk if that’s intentional and if it is what does that mean about the team as individuals who don’t give a fuck about the person bleeding themselves dry to help them and their relationships built around them
i love the characters and the game but at some point i did feel like none of them gave a damn. even if they were the ones who pulled rook out of the fade. where was the rest of it. Where was the proof they gave a fuck,
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asordinaryppl · 30 days ago
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A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 16: Crossing Paths - Episode 35: The Angel's Letter
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Michael: “Um, I’d like to meet Dr. Derrick–”
Nurse: “Visitors are prohibited for a while.”
Michael: “Has his condition worsened?”
Nurse: “I apologize, but I cannot answer that.”
Michael: “…”
-
Michael: “... *sigh*”
Michael: “Huh? Ah, yeah, I can’t use the stove… *sigh*”
Michael: “Whatever, I’m not even hungry…”
[Doorbell ringing]
Michael: “?”
[Door opening]
Michael: “Huh? Aren’t you– Raphael? Why are you here–”
Raphael: “Did you not notice? I live in this apartment building, too. That’s why you felt like you’d seen me before.”
Michael: “So that’s why…”
Raphael: “This letter was mistakenly sent to me.”
Michael: “A letter?”
[Michael flips the letter open]
Michael: “This—”
Raphael: “…”
Michael: “Thank you. This letter is from someone important to me. I never thought they’d send me one again.”
Raphael: “Are you eating properly?”
Michael: “Wha?”
Raphael: “You’re pale. You look like a dead man walking.”
Michael: “Ahhh… Well, I’m eating. As much as I can.”
Raphael: “What about today?”
Michael: “Umm… Not yet?”
Raphael: “Hurry and eat. What do you have that fine pot over there for?”
Michael: “Uh, well… The stove is broken so I can’t use it right now.”
Michael: “Oh, I know. Would you like to join me for dinner? If I’m alone, I’ll end up forgoing it altogether.”
Raphael: “... Alright.”
-
Raphael: “How are your studies going?”
Michael: “How… Hehe, you kinda sound like a dad. They’re going well.”
Michael: “It’s just, I’m starting to think I’m not suited to become a doctor.”
Michael: “Dr. Derrick– a doctor I owe a lot to, is currently hospitalized with a serious illness.”
Michael: “It hurts so much to know that I can’t do anything to help him.”
Michael: “I feel so helpless every time I visit him.”
Raphael: “…”
Michael: “I understand that a simple university student shouldn’t be able to do anything, but…”
Raphael: “That helplessness you feel is probably…”
Michael: “Hm?”
Raphael: “No, it’s nothing. Don’t overthink it so much. I think that you give him courage just by visiting.”
Michael: “Yeah, you’re right…”
Fred: “Oh? Michael-kun. What a coincidence.”
Michael: “Dr. Fred, hello.”
Fred: “Is this… a friend?”
Michael: “Yes. We go to the same university–”
Fred: “For a second, there was something about you both that made me think you were brothers.”
Michael: “Huh, really?”
Raphael: “…”
Michael: “By the way, is Dr. Derrick…”
Fred: “Yeah, the medication doesn’t seem to be working quite as well. I hope he’ll be able to pull through.”
Michael: “Is that so…”
Fred: “It’ll be okay. I’ll do all I can, too.”
Michael: “Thank you so much.”
Fred: “See you.”
[Fred walks away]
Michael: “…”
Raphael: “Don’t be so upset. It’s not ‘his time’ yet.”
Michael: “For some reason, when I hear it from you, it really feels that way.”
Michael: “Still, this is the first time someone’s told me I resemble someone else. I don’t have any siblings, so this made me sort of happy.”
Raphael: “I guess we have a similar aura.”
Michael: “Oh, that might be it. You’re easy to talk to, unlike other people.”
Raphael: “… Focus on your food.”
Michael: “Ah, okay.”
[Phone ringing]
Michael: “Sorry, do you mind if I—”
Raphael: “It’s fine.”
Michael: “Yes? Yes, it’s me. I understand. Ummm, let me write it down…”
Michael: “Ugh, I got mustard on me… I’m sorry, please wait just a moment.”
Raphael: “I’ll write it down for you.”
Michael: “I’m sorry, go ahead. 324-45…”
[Writing]
Raphael: “…”
Michael: “Okay, thank you very much.”
[Call hangs up]
Michael: “Thanks. It was from the repairman.”
Raphael: “I hope you can get it fixed soon.”
Michael: “Yeah. … Huh? This handwriting…”
Raphael: “What’s wrong?”
Michael: “... No, it’s nothing.”
Michael: “Um, about that letter you gave me, I first received one when I was hospitalized as a kid.”
Michael: “Every other kid I was hospitalized with had their parents with them, and I was the only one who was alone…”
Michael: “When I started feeling down, a mysterious letter addressed to me encouraged me. Ever since then, whenever I was having a hard time, a kind letter would find its way to me without fail.”
Michael: “Dr. Derrick said it was a letter from an angel. I used to be skeptical about it, but I’m starting to think that’s actually the case.”
Raphael: “… If that’s what you believe, that must be it.”
Michael: “… Thank you.”
Raphael: “What are you thanking me for?”
Michael: “Umm… For listening without making fun of me, I guess?”
-
Uriel: “I believe you’re well aware, but do not try to do anything unnecessary.”
Raphael: “I don’t plan on interfering. I simply want you to allow me to be the one to ferry Derrick’s soul.”
Uriel: “Did you listen to anything I’ve told you?”
Raphael: “I will fulfill the mission without fail.”
Metatron: “Why not? Were you not lamenting how you wished to take a break, Uriel?”
Uriel: “What are you–”
[A second soul joins the one already floating]
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Metatron: “Look, those souls over yonder are waiting for you.”
Uriel: “Why at the same time… Enough, I concede. Raphael, I will entrust Derrick to you. Must I repeat myself? You’d best be carefu–”
Metatron: “Hurry along now, you two.”
Uriel: “You’ll pay for this later, Metatron.”
[Uriel descends to the human world]
Raphael: “I owe you.”
[Raphael descends to the human world]
-
[Door knocking, then sliding open]
Michael: “Hello, Dr. Derrick.”
Michael: “Dr. Derrick…?”
Michael: “No, that can’t be… Somebody!”
[Raphael materializes as feathers fall]
Michael: “Huh…? Raphael… You…”
Raphael: “…”
Michael: “I see… So you really…”
Michael: “Thank you. You’ve been watching over me all along, haven’t you?”
Raphael: “Michael, should you wish for it— No, never mind.”
Michael: “I’ll leave Dr. Derrick to you.”
Raphael: “Yeah. Don’t worry.”
[Raphael flies back to Heaven with Derrick’s soul]
-
Uriel: “The Heaven’s Law Council has decided that as punishment for revealing yourself to a human, you will be demoted for the next 100 years.”
Raphael: “Got it. And for ferrying Derrick’s soul in your stead?”
Uriel: “It was decided that you had responded appropriately. You got off easy.”
Raphael: “Thanks.”
Uriel: “Hmph. Do make sure to reflect on this.”
Metatron: “I did assume you would stay on Earth, Raphael.”
Raphael: “… I figured Michael would stop me, and decided not to. Besides, he needs someone to remember him.”
Uriel: “Good grief, you’re too emotional. You’ve let humans influence you far too much.”
Metatron: “That must be why they get along so swimmingly. I am rather envious of them for being able to live as such.”
-
Michael: “Good morning.”
Fred: “Let me welcome you once again, Dr. Michael. I’m sure Derrick is overjoyed as well.”
Michael: “… If I may, I often wondered whether I was cut out to be a doctor. Whether I’d be able to save anyone…”
Michael: “But, I made up my mind to become a good doctor because I know I have Dr. Derrick and an angel watching over me. I look forward to working with you.”
Fred: “The scope of what we can do isn’t that great. If you come to realize that, I’m sure you’ll do a good job.”
Michael: “Thank you very much.”
Fred: “Oh? There’s a feather on your shoulder— Was there a bird?”
Michael: “… As long as you come to carry me away, I’ll be at ease and do my best to help those still alive.”
Fred: “Is something wrong?”
Michael: “No, nothing at all.”
-
[Applause]
Izumi: (After receiving the baton from Spring, Summer, and Autumn, the Winter Troupe undeniably performed better than they’ve ever done before. Just as one would expect of them.)
Towa: (So this is the Winter Troupe’s acting… Amazing. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to act like this, too?)
Kureha: (How beautiful… It’s not only eye-catching, this is something I can’t do as I am right now…)
-
Tsumugi: Thank you very much!
Tasuku: Thank you very much.
Azuma: Thank you.
Homare: Thank you! Thank you!
Guy: Thank you very much.
Hisoka: … Thank you.
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jeannereames · 1 year ago
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How do you anticipate Alexandros’s and Hephaistion’s respective ways of dealing with each other in their “moments” to change over the course of your series? I think you pretty clearly established in your books that Hephaistion has to learn to carefully navigate Alexandros’s outbursts and spontaneous tendencies.
On the flip side, I wonder how Alexandros learns how to deal when Hep is angry or upset. Do you think it being more so along the lines of him expecting Hep to suck it up and deal, basically? Or would he take a different route? I just find the way you portrayed their dynamic in the series very intriguing and nuanced, and I'm curious to see how it might evolve as the characters age.
What an interesting question! And I’m delighted that you thought their interaction properly nuanced. One of my own personal criteria for judging a book is the presence of layered and complex characters, so I struggle to put them on the page in my own work. (Also, sorry for the delay.)
Among the key elements of the first two books is how much the characters change. It covers seven critical years as they turn from boys into young men. Hence the whole “coming-of-age” thing. Ha.
Because they’re teenagers, they’re inclined to drama, especially in the first book where little things can set them off—but it happens early in book II as well. Hephaistion flails and causes a scene just because Alexandros is busy so often and he, Hephaistion, is insecure. His behavior is silly (and Alexandros calls him on it), but the emotions that drive it are very real. That’s always the struggle, when writing teens. They just haven’t lived long enough for much perspective, so everything’s a crisis. Emotions are BIG, driven by wildly pumping hormones and all those extra neurons in the front of the cerebrum. Yet the author must take seriously whatever tempest in a teapot has them riled up, in order to portray it fairly (for them), even while keeping a bit of distance to signal to the reader that yes, it really is overblown.
By the duology’s end, Alexandros has just turned 20 and Hephaistion 22½; they’ve been friends seven years, and lovers for five. By now, they have history. Yet both are emotional people, even if they display it differently. Hephaistion might seem phlegmatic but is far from it. Erigyios is phlegmatic. Hephaistion is a churning volcano under a calm surface. Alexandros, by contrast, wears his heart on his sleeve. So, they’ll continue to kick up dusk occasionally with each other, but increasingly for real reasons, not manufactured ones driven by insecurity.
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Take their fracture over the fact Alexandros didn’t tell Hephaistion about Amyntor’s illness. They learn, thereby, that some things can be forgiven only by a choice. Hephaistion’s flouncing over Alexandros “ignoring” him at the beginning of book 2 should be seen in stark contrast to the very real rage he feels when he learns Alexandros concealed his father’s cancer. Yes, Alexandros did so because Amyntor asked, and yes, Alexandros convinced himself it was out of fear for Hephaistion’s safety. But he does finally recognize, and admit to himself, that wasn’t the real reason. He did a truly selfish thing by keeping Hephaistion with him. Hephaistion’s reaction in each instance is meant to bookend the novel. In the first case, he storms back home. In the second, despite his fury, he doesn’t leave Alexandros. And Alexandros accepts Philip’s pardon not just because he knows he’d better, but also because Hephaistion needs to go back. It’s a maturing moment for Alexandros to fully recognize how much he hurt his friend. He can’t fix it. He can only beg for forgiveness. Hephaistion won’t get back those final months with Amyntor. He can only choose to forgive.
So, the sequence is (to my mind) incredibly important to how they’re learning to be Real with each other. And it lays out how they’ll continue to interact going forward.
Alexandros will still screw up sometimes, in part because he’s king and was raised to assume people will subject themselves to him, as well as because his successes convince him the gods are on his side. But it was always Hephaistion’s refusal to kowtow that made him attractive to Alexandros. Ergo, he must make room for that in their relationship. It’s what makes Hephaistion unique.
In book one, after their physical fight over a different dust-up, Alexandros thinks to himself that the fact Hephaistion was willing to hit a prince had earned him the right to hold one. Alexandros must allow for Hephaistion’s autonomy, which means he must apologize (honestly) now and then. It’s what keeps him human, and grounded. And why Hephaistion continues to enjoy such absolute trust. He expects Alexandros to acknowledge when he screws up, and so Alexandros can trust that Hephaistion will always tell him the truth. Because Hephaistion loves him that much.
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redo-of-chii · 5 months ago
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ʚ♡ɞ 𝓜𝔂 𝓔𝔁𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓢𝓟 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 & 𝓝𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓣𝓻𝓪𝓾𝓶𝓪 𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓭 ʚ♡ɞ
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I think we can all agree that the sad reality of how many of us get into the law, it’s because of trying to manifest SP. 
I was no different. That’s why I really want to share my experience on how manifesting an ex changed my life perspective and ACTUALLY brought me my dream SP and learn about healthier relationships altogether. 
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(TW: Narcissistic abuse, mentions of fatphobia and ableism, mentions of mental illness that might be triggering, mentions of bullying.)
Very long post ahead, but after 3 reviews I think many points of this story were important. I didn't want to cut anything that could be valuable from my experience to other people dealing with similar situations.
Before I knew about the law, I was pretty much an insecure person and I admit that I put any kind gesture on a pedestal since I come from a household full of generational trauma. 
Because of that, I ended up in several relationships where I was involved in trauma bonds with narcissists since one of my parents besides having mental illness, was also a narcissistic person who was very superficial and you had to fight a lot for their love, attention and recognition. No matter what I did, it was never enough. If I rebelled, I got condemned for it and if I did just as told, it wasn’t ever enough anyway. In the end, I always ended up getting into relationships with people where I had to be the one fixing them or helping them then getting condemned if I didn’t follow whatever script they had in their head for me.
Discovering what codependency was and what a trauma bond was. It was a really painful experience at first and I blamed myself a lot for it. Especially because I thought that it was my fault that I got into something like that in the first place because I was starving for the love and attention of someone. I thought at first “maybe I deserve the love bombing in the first place”, but my mindset changed over time with both therapy and the law.
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I was in a LDR relationship for almost 4 years with the SP that triggered all of this, let’s call him Ex!SP. He was someone really insecure, an only child and had gone through something really traumatic that left him really depressed. When we started the relationship, I really helped him and supported him. I decided to try to help him as much as I could to help him through it until I fell ill and that triggered underlying health issues I didn’t know that I had.
From there, things went downhill and he showed his true colors the moment I couldn’t provide what he wanted out of me. He wanted someone to be his enabler and caretaker, he didn’t sign up to be THE ONE DOING THE CARING. It was always asking if there was a way to cure me and me being the person I was before. At first, it looked like concern but then comments about my health and weight were frequent since I gained weight due to not being able to move properly from the illnesses. As soon as things were clear and my issues were confirmed to be chronic, that’s where the verbal treatment was worse but love bombed me whenever I pulled back to get his attention and “physical relief” out of me, so to say. He then escalated to breakup threats so I would do whatever he wanted me to do until one day I was just so tired and I told him “Okay, sure. Let’s breakup.”
From there it was indifference, then celebrating his freedom, then panic contacting me and when I refused to bend to his demands, he would go into bouts of ignoring me then aggressively spam me. He also started manipulating our common friendships to make me feel isolated. But that was fine.
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I got into therapy and discovered the law. One of the common things about trauma bonding is how guilty you feel for standing up for yourself and I really panicked at first, especially because people were after me asking me why did I drop such a long relationship and that I should be the one supporting him emotionally since he’s the one with a lot of trauma.
I was baffled at first but one thing I learned both from therapy and the law, is about victim mentality and what truly a narcissist was. That’s where I discovered he was a covert narcissist and that he made a narrative around his trauma so people would feel sorry for him and give him anything he wanted. Even his own family became enablers of this and whenever he didn’t get whatever he wanted, he would weaponize his trauma. He tried to make me look like the bad guy even though I found out later things like micro-cheating, plots with other people to bully me, provoking reactions out of me on purpose to act like the victim, etc...
Still, because of the “hot & cold” pressure and the memories, I really thought I could manifest him back and change him into a better person. And sure, I could have done that because the law can do ANYTHING. But I really didn’t want that deep inside, it didn’t manifest because this really was not love. It was a trauma bond. It was mostly an addiction because I got too used to him due to being with him for such a long time.
It took me a long time to realize this. I manifested many impossible things and reached so many goals, it was like I was spoiled by some invisible force but this one thing really couldn’t be manifested. Sure, there were some times that Ex!SP showed the way I wanted him to show but as soon as that happened, he returned to his usual self. Then I realized that it was because I didn’t want him back and I sure didn’t want to deal with his family and these friends ever again. 
I manifest so many good things, even my dream job. Why would I even want that back? 
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I was just addicted to cortisol and trauma bonds. And not only I was trauma bonded to him, I was trauma bonded to the whole group of friends that were a gigantic red flag and an echo chamber altogether. So I worked a lot on myself and as soon as I put myself on the pedestal, things changed.
I lost 40 lbs, focused on myself and even with chronic illness, all of the blessings came to me. He even made that friend group go after me, probably out of jealousy since he really let himself waste down while I was thriving and that gave me the determination I needed to continue forward.
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Months later, I met two guys at a party. Let’s call them SP1 and SP2. The two of them really caught my attention, especially SP2. But SP2 did a bunch of jokes about his fave type of girl and that threw me off in the sense of “why bother going after someone if I’m not even their type” kind of thing. Later on he was even interested in one of my friends but I’ll talk later about it since that is another wild story.
SP1 asked me out and I agreed to give it a try since he seemed like a nice guy. He looked like a very kind and hardworking guy at first, but boy… I was so wrong.
SP1 really showered me with gifts and affection, but his words never matched his actions. He was never there for me and in the end, SP2 was the one that was always with me. Bit by bit, SP1 really became a reflection of the things I disliked at both myself and Ex!SP. He was really nervous, insecure, dependent, trying to get my attention and affection at whatever cost like my former self but he was a compulsive liar, irresponsible, tried to put his issues over mine and even tried to sabotage anything that would make stand out more than him yet he love bombed me with words and gifts.
Meanwhile, SP2 was going through something similar with a “friend”. This friend of mine was already in a relationship with someone but toyed with him because this friend is the type of person who dates someone because of status and if she sees someone “better”, she will go after them. She was (and still is) in a relationship with someone that has a good job, comes from a good family and spoils her. But she claimed he was really boring and that SP2 was more exciting and fun. So she began this game of having her dose of attention and excitement out of SP2 without committing to him because she really didn’t want to leave her current relationship because “the guy was too good to leave in stability terms compared to SP2 even though she adored SP2 and was ideal” just because SP2 is a humble person and didn’t fit her social standards.
I didn’t know what to feel and think between my friend and SP1’s actions. Still, I wanted to be there for SP2 as much as I could even if I had lingering feelings for him. I just didn’t want to get myself involved in any more drama or even look like I was being some sort of jealous friend. So I focused on manifesting my career and the focus on me when it came to my career, I was just so done with love drama that I decided that I would break with SP1 and just limit my interactions with SP2 because even if I had feelings and could manifest something about it, I was just so tired of emotional stuff and having my heart being “tucked and pulled” that I was just DONE. 
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Still, something happened. I decided to use subliminals again because I got into a mental break point where I said “I don’t even need love, I need power and probably that power will feed the attention I need and not go after dumb ass men who cannot even be consistent”. So I used a certain subliminal and that changed things for me.
I’ll go into detail about it in another post, but it was actually my first reality shifting experience and it was actually an accident triggered by a subliminal. But for almost 2 months, I shifted to a reality where things worked in another way and I was SP2’s beloved partner and I was treated with love, respect and full-on healthy attention. Through my travels to this reality, I realized what I really wanted in a relationship and I was going to get it.
I wanted to permashift to that reality very badly and I was so sure about it, that whatever SP1 and SP2 did in this reality just didn’t affect me anymore. In fact, I think it was the law, but SP1 started disappearing more and more, lying to me more and just behaving like a manchild that for some reason I always ended up with SP2 alone in places or talking for long hours. While the chemistry was there, I was just so in love with the SP2 in the other reality, that I wasn’t accepting any breadcrumbs. I already had experiences with breadcrumbs that were so painful that I kept saying “Lovely thing I experienced with you SP2, but not enough for me to stay especially if the microcheating friend is going to still be involved with you”. I did indulge in the experiences we had but I really didn’t want to put anyone on the pedestal and just keep having inconsistency. 
I realized with both therapy and the law that even with my flaws, I am wonderful and can get anything I want… So I only deserve the best of someone or just nothing. I am not going to waste my time anymore and I am not afraid to throw people out of my life anymore even if I feel the sudden anxiety and cortisol rush inside me at first. I wanted the SP2 from that other reality or just effing nothing. No less than that. I’m not that joke of a person anymore who would stay with someone putting up with mistreatment out of loneliness and insecurity.
I realized. If narcissists and people who claim that I’m a bad person still go after me, that means that I’m really valuable and they are just making me feel like nothing to use me like a puppet. I’m not a puppet, I’m the master of this reality and I will not tolerate being treated like a peasant when everyone is actually the ones dependent on me. I had the power from the start, as a person and a manifester. 
They are the ones missing out on me.
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In the end, because I persisted that I didn’t want anything less than the SP2 from the other reality, the 3D caught up to that and SP2 from this reality really became the person I fell in love with and embodied it. And in the end, after many difficulties, we started dating. I did tell him about the law and about the reality shifting, I even told him that I really want no less than true love and devotion from him like his counterpart. And honestly… I am really happy right now. 
The only issue we have is that we are currently in a long distance relationship since he lives 3 hours away from me. Communication is great, understanding is quite good, he really loves the same things as me and we take good care of each other without any weird power dynamic play or minimizing each other’s experiences and feelings. Apparently, he had a similar experience to mine when it came to Ex!SP and we have been trying to be each other’s supporters in our growth and healing. Plus, he has become a good manifester himself!
As for SP1 and the microcheating friend, SP1 is currently avoiding people because people are going after him for lying and illegal activities and the microcheating friend is desperate to get SP2’s attention but after she openly bullied me out of jealousy from the attention that SP2 was giving me even before we dated, he is not paying attention to her and people are avoiding her for her public outburst.
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With this, I just want to teach other people to please assess their feelings and experiences first before manifesting an SP who’s an ex back. I really encourage therapy, doing research about trauma bonds and even joining communities that are really helpful with your mental health journey before even thinking of manifesting someone back. Are you doing it out of pity? Out of loneliness? Out of memories? Is it because of social pressure? You have to ask yourself those questions first before even thinking if it’s worth it, especially if YOU CAN EVEN HAVE YOUR DREAM RELATIONSHIP. Don’t put your SP on a pedestal and don’t settle for less. 
And with all tough love intended, why cry over not having a text when you can have a man literally kissing your feet? Seriously. I know it’s tough having to try and fix yourself but if you do, your reality will fix itself as well as soon as you know for sure. You cannot have consistency from the law if you’re not consistent with your wants and needs.
I’ll talk about my shifting experience, toxic friendships that can hinder your manifestation journey and other things in another post. Thank you for your time and happy manifesting!
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꒰ Always & Forever — Chii ꒱
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mysteryshoptls · 2 years ago
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R Leona Kingscholar School Uniform Personal Story
"Guess I wasn't taught properly"
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[Classroom]
Vil: Hey, how long are you planning to keep me waiting?
Vil: We've been keeping the photographer waiting for quite some time now. Stop dragging your feet.
Leona: I've already told you once. I ain't going.
Leona: Why do I have to stand next to you for something as lame as a photo for the school newspaper?
Vil: That answer is simple. Their next special feature is an overview of the dormitories, geared towards the newly enrolled students, and you and I are Dorm Leaders.
Vil: And as the Dorm Leader, it is my duty to spare nothing to show just how spectacular Pomefiore is.
Vil: After all, Dorm Leaders are the "face" of their dorm.
Leona: Don't get all excited just for some school newspaper. Just have them throw something together, who cares about a picture.
Vil: A professional never cuts corners, no matter the job. There's no such thing as throwing something together, and I will not allow any slacking from you.
Leona: Sigh… So annoying. Just arguing with you's a pain, too.
Leona: Fine, whatever. Let's just get this done…
Vil: Wait a moment. One of the buttons on your vest is coming off.
Leona: Hm? …Why's it matter, it's not like it's going to actually fall off.
Vil: Of course it matters, it's just hanging there… It looks shabby.
Leona: Shabby…!?
Vil: This is why Savanaclaw is frustrating. I can't stand how you're ill-mannered and rude. I feel sorry for your uniform.
Vil: Do you not even carry with you a sewing kit? Just how old are you turning this year?
Vil: Or perhaps princes like you are taught that you don't need to do anything by yourself?
Leona: …
Vil: My, my, I simply cannot comprehend this. How can you be a Dorm Leader the same as me?
Vil: Since there's nothing else to be done about it, I'll lend you my sewing kid. Hurry and fix your button.
Leona: …
Vil: Wha- excuse you. Why are you taking your vest off all of a sudden?
Leona: My bad, guess I wasn't taught properly.
Leona: I thought I'd have the great and refined Vil-sama show me exactly how to sew on a button.
Vil: Why should I have to fix your button for you!?
Leona: I mean, I don't care if it looks like this. But, are you going to be good with this? We got a very important photo shoot now, don't we?
Vil: Well, that's…
Leona: Vil Schoenheit. The charismatic beauty whose name is known throughout Twisted Wonderland!
Leona: …But even then, he's only ever focused on himself. He's just another man who cannot deign himself to think about the others around him.
Leona: I'm not gonna care one bit if people see the photo and start going around saying stuff like that, y'know.
Vil: …
Leona: Kuku. C'mon, this is fine, ain't it? Show an ill-mannered and rude guy like me how it's done.
Vil: …Your smug grin is just so unpleasant. Fine, give me your vest quickly.
Leona: Hah! Guess you're finally up to do it.
Vil: You are simply a prop for my photoshoot. As a professional, I always make sure to take care of my props.
Leona: Ain't I an exquisite prop? Feel free to thank me, if you want.
Vil: You wish… If we weren't having this photoshoot, I wouldn't even touch this vest… Oh?
Leona: What's with that weird squeak just now?
Vil: This button is similar to the others, but it's slightly different… It's been replaced.
Vil: So, you really are taking care of your things, then.
Vil: Well, this is amateur work, however. At least try to match the buttons when you do this.
Leona: Match the buttons? …Don't really get it, but sounds to me like you're just real nitpicky.
Vil: Good grief, I cannot believe you've made me to fix your button…
Leona: Oh yeah, that's right… Speaking of buttons, whenever they fall off, they usually come back.
Vil: Eh? The button comes back? …What does that mean?
Leona: Even if it falls off, if I just hang it up in my room somewhere, next time I grab it, the button's back on it.
Leona: That's why I just ignore it, even if it starts to fall off. Can't say I remember putting that kind of magic on it, though.
Vil: …No matter how you look at it, that's definitely not magic…
Vil: Someone's fixing them up. Probably Ruggie.
Leona: Hah? Who cares.
Leona: Whether it's magic, or it's Ruggie, as long as the button's sewn on, it's basically the same thing.
Vil: …Uggh! Seriously, you may have good looks, but you're otherwise completely useless!
Leona: What'd you say!?
Vil: This is why I can't stand spoiled brats!
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Requested by Anonymous.
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s0lk · 10 days ago
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venting n shit because im in a weird state of mind and its the middle of the night so i cant talk to anyone. lots of talking about being a panicky little bitch mostly
this is not gonna be one of those poetic rants about some deep traumatic shit just to get that out the way. don’t expect it to make any sense it’s just a bunch of thoughts.
i don’t think im capable of being a good partner. not an ACTUALLY good partner. i guess im good at doing stuff and i do like being loved but the thing is at any moment i can detach and feel absolutely nothing. like im not even in there. any enjoyment goes right out the fucking window and all i have is this weird dull feeling. which really sucks when im in a relationship i actually really enjoy. also i dont think im very good at like being there for him any more. or anyone really. ive always been really proud of being a therapist for the people im close to but all of a sudden i dont know how to handle any of it and all i can do is go ‘:(((( im gonna hug you’. which is so fucking stupid. i want to help people not whatever that bullshit is. im terrified that if i cant be the perfect source of advice and comfort for everyone ever then something awful will happen and it will all be my fault because i couldnt help them properly. i need everyone to need me but now i feel like im useless because i cant fix every problem they have. and i cant even go to anyone about my own problems because they all feel so dumb in comparison. like who am i to stay up crying all night and panicking over nothing??? i havent had half the shit happen to me that the people i know have. i shouldnt be so upset. and it doesnt help to be told that the bad stuff i HAVE been around to experience is ‘just poland stuff’. you know who you are. yes im telling you i don’t like that through tumblr rather than confronting you directly. sue me im a coward. just because your family is shitty too doesnt mean my mother being fucking PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE doesnt matter. anyway. i just need someone who i can talk at who just like. listens. yknow? i just want to cry in someones arms. except i cant DO THAT because apparently crying is too ‘inconvenient’ and i think id kill myself if i was that much of an inconvenience to someone. which is ironic because i make it pretty clear that venting to me is not a burden in any way. and it genuinely isnt but like. having shit dumped on me with no warning or confirmation first isnt fun. ill never say no to someone wanting to vent but when im just trying to have a silly time listening to music or whatever and suddenly im flooded with a bunch of sad stuff its uh. startling to say the least. plus when its so out of the blue i cant always tell if its just a random complaint or a serious issue so sometimes i dont respond right and that pretty much always leads to a panic attack because what if the other person decides that makes me an insensitive asshole and stops wanting to be around me? thanks autism and not being able to read people and making me believe that if im not perfect im the nastiest little critter to exist ever. really really great.
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sheyfu · 6 months ago
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If you were in the world of blue lock and you could kill one character and save a character from dying, who would those 2 characters be ?
HMMMMMMMM this is kinda hard JWJEJSJSI i'll answer this in a metaphorical and a quite literal sense (bruh i sound so 🤓☝️ rn 😭😭😭😭) OKAY SO FIIIRSSSTTTT
metaphorical:
kill: baro shoei
- in a metaphorical sense, i would kill baro (like destroy his mentality of being a king [his superiority complex]). i mean don't get me wrong his character development was probably THE BEST like im not kidding his development DESTROYYYEEDDDD me but like also resurrected (?) smth inside me. his realization that isagi was the king of the field in that match and how he slowly broke down was so dear to me (we like 🤞🤞 fr we're gang). but also the way he made his "defeat" into motivation and buried it into his ego was 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but srs i would kill him just to see him like that again LMAOOOOO
save: michael kaiser
- now in my eyes, michael is someone who's currently dying like he has this terminal and uncurable illness that not even soccer can heal. but like saving someone is a process; it's not done quickly. in a span of (n) years, i would want to show him the world (more than what he's already seen HWHWHSHSI). i'd take this man on drives by the coasts to aee the sun, give him flowers and spoil him and let him do wtv to me. i'd show him all the books and genres im into and all that and love him like he's my last. tbh i dont think this makes any sense (i am so tired 😭😭😭) but yeah 😓😓
literal:
kill: gurimu igarashi
- literally no explanation idc if he's a monk i want to kill him so bad. I HAAAAATE HIM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART (im so sorry to the igarashi girlies)
save: chigiri hyoma
- listen. this man. has my heart. if we were in an apocalypse or smth, i'd save him even if it meant me getting bit by a zombie. if i do save him unscathed tho, i'd protect him with my whole heart. im in a silly sad mood so like: if i were to spend my last moments with someone from blue lock when the world is in chaos, it would be chigiri. i know my response doesnt really answer the question, but it's kinda related to it HISHDSIJD (IM SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭) BUT ANYWAYS YEA. to me, chigiri is translucent. he's something you can see through, yet below, deep under his skin, he hides something---he's someone i want to change. if i were to be with someone translucent, i'd work my ass of just to make him transparent (gets? HWUASUDAD IM LIKE IDK losing my mind rn 😓😓😓). i consider myself to be quite lazy and definitely an egoist (im so sorry gang). he's someone who can fix the emo shit (oops) inside me, tell me whatever he wants to tell me, yet someone who loves like you're his last love. he gafs about your shit but he does this to keep you safe (he's also gets very sassy the longer you are tgt imo)
IM SORRY THIS IS LIKE VERY . MESSY .. 😭😭 I DONT THINK I WAS ABLE TO EXPLAIN PROPERLY BUT STILL I HOPE IT'S AT LEAST A LITTLE UNDERSTANDABLE 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK >:)) i had fun answering this ueueue <3
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carlsangel · 7 months ago
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Hi what happened to your “coming out” fix if you don’t mind me asking? I think that’s the one I requested. I saw that it was in your ‘in progress’ tab but then I never saw it uploaded even though it was next on your list and now I see it completely off your masterlist, in progress, and coming soon so I’m just really confused is all.
I’m not mad at all or anything and won’t be whatever you decide to do. I’m just confused as to what happened and was hoping for an explanation so I can understand.
If my request (at least what I think is my request) made you uncomfortable or offended you I sincerely apologize. That was never my intention and I am so sorry if I did.
Thank you and have a nice day ♡
HIIIII so i put in “let me make it up to you part two” and hit enter or something and it erased (idk why my tumblr is like that, it does that when i write fics too it makes me so sad) LOL and i didn’t put it back on bc i deadass forgot, i’ve been trying to make my masterlist look cutsie and it’s been a struggle hrkrhfjfhfj anyway!!!
your request did not make me uncomfortable at all, i actually am really glad you did because i love for everyone to be able to read the stuff i write. unfortunately though, i didn’t feel like i could write it properly (since i’ve never had the experience, it’s just imo not my place to write something like that) so a good friend of mine offered to write it for me.
from what i know, i’m pretty sure he’s still working on it and im pretty sure it’s almost done sooo don’t worry at all!!!! i’m sorry for not adding it back, ill make sure to do that rn :)))
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the-present-is-a-gift-au · 10 months ago
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Chapter 20: In Which Old Things are New
The world was cool and serene, a sort of calm that echoed that of still waters that she had never seen but knew with a great familiarity as they answered her stirring. She was dreaming of warmth and light and hope, as she always had before she found herself in this body, but she knew it was time to wake. Cresselia raised her head, and she knew her name before she knew how to speak a word. 
It took some time to learn how to open her mouth. By the time she managed to speak her first words, another being had formed at her side. He was far different in looks than her— dark coloring and a shadowed, hazy build rather than a bright, feathery one— but she had a feeling that the two of them were made of the same stuff, whatever it was. 
She settled into the shallow water beside him and put out a paw to shake his shoulder. “Awake. There is work to be done.” 
He blinked a few times before rising, clutching his head with a low groan. “I'm aware. A moment, please. I just had the most awful dream…”
Cresselia laughed. “Awful? There's no such thing as awful dreams. Only pleasant ones.”
The being looked over to her, worried. “You must be mistaken. There's only such a thing as unpleasant dreams.”
She tilted her head. “Are you ill? Perhaps that's why your dreams are misbehaving. I can fix that— your hand, please.”
He gave her his hand, and Cresselia was startled by the weight of another’s touch. Still, she closed her eyes and settled her other paw over the back of his palm. It was simple to heal him— easier than breathing. She smiled proudly at her work. 
He pulled his hand away when she released it, flexing his claws and curling his hand close to his chest. “And what if you are the ill one?”
“You could heal me if you are so troubled by the possibility.”
“I…” He looked away. “I can't. I can only provide sleep.”
“I see. I think I'm through with sleeping for now, though.” She looked around, finally curious enough to take in her surroundings. The shallow water they were in gleamed with a gold light that chased at curling wisps of darkness that streaked through the pool. She couldn't decide whether the light and dark were in the midst of a game of chase or locked in a deadly pursuit. She didn't pay it much mind. The cave they were in was very dim, despite the glow of the water, and she didn't care for the dark. 
“Let's see what's out there,” she told her companion. 
“Mortals,” he replied. “There are mortals. You want to see them?” 
“Of course. Their belief shaped us, didn't it? Make haste, Darkrai.”
He froze. “Who is Darkrai?”
“You, of course. Did you not know?” 
“I didn't.”
Cresselia gave her fellow Legend a nervous glance. He didn't know his own name upon being formed, he could only bring slumber and not healing, and he thought that dreams were only ever unpleasant. Was he unwell? Perhaps he hadn't been believed in enough to be formed properly. She would need to keep watch over him to make sure he was alright. 
“Come along, Darkrai. Let us go out to meet the people who made us.” 
***
Darkrai was swiftly driven out by the mortals. It went well at first, with a welcoming reception by a number of the mortal groups in the area offering worship and offerings, but when night fell, the mortals were gripped by terrible dreams. They woke at dawn and forced Cresselia's counterpart from their settlement, crying silly things like omen and demon and curse. Darkrai took it much harder than he should have, Cresselia thought, and she left the mortals to confront him as he sulked in the wilderness. 
“What did you expect would happen when you decided to torment them so? Mortals don't like to be mistreated.”
“I decided no such thing,” he murmured. “I willed no nightmares into existence. Did you not see me, Cresselia, blessing them in what meager way I could? I cannot heal their wounded as you do. I gave them sleep as night fell, and the boon I gave turned into an affliction before my very eyes.”
She frowned. “You need practice with your abilities. You must not have realized what you were doing as you granted them rest and mistakenly bestowed your unpleasant dreams as well.” 
Her counterpart gave a heavy sigh. “I'm sure you're correct. I will do my best to improve.” 
She left him to do so. The mortals welcomed her back with more offerings and praises when she returned. 
***
She found Darkrai lying face down in the dirt when she went to check on his progress the next month. She swiftly healed him, and he caught hold of her arms and lamented how he'd been trapped in his unpleasant dreams for weeks, unable to escape into wakefulness.
She sighed. Her counterpart was hopelessly incompetent; she was certain now that he hadn't been formed properly by the mortals’ belief. “I can't control your powers for you. It was foolhardy of me to wake you. You must learn to manage that yourself.”
“I don't expect any such thing of you— Cresselia, I require your help.”
“You will find no success from coddling. I will wish you luck, and I will do no more.”
She left him alone in the wilderness without looking back. 
***
Cresselia was forced to travel in Darkrai's wake despite intending to part ways entirely. He left a trail of unpleasant dreams wherever he went, and it was up to Cresselia to cure those who found themselves trapped in endless ones from which they could not wake. Even so, she didn't approach her counterpart, finding herself more and more angered by those she found touched by his affliction. 
Darkrai approached her as she traveled to one town that was particularly tormented by what the mortals had aptly named nightmares. “Cresselia, I require your help.” 
“My help in what? Locking more mortals in a sleep so terrifying and endless that they may find themselves dead come morning?” 
He flinched, a heavy guiltiness overtaking his posture. “I can find no village immune to my misfortune. I've heard of your feathers preventing nightmares— if you would gift each of the people of one settlement, any of them, a feather, I would not need to wander in search of a place that—”
“You would have me pluck myself bare to conceal your refusal to control your powers?” She spat. 
“I do not refuse to control them, it is a matter of their refusal to be controlled—”
“Darkrai, you wretched, selfish thing, you know fully how simple it is to restrain your powers. Yet you choose not to, and all of these mortals suffer because of that choice. If you still insist that you cannot exercise the least amount of willpower and restrain such things, then leave for the mountains and never curse another mortal with your presence.”
He looked aghast. “Cresselia, have you no compassion? I've seen your mercy in healing the mortals you encounter. Why do you not hold any for me?”
“Because you are no more than a plague on these people's homes and a burdensome weight I am doomed to carry. Leave now, before I drive you out myself.”
He refused. 
Cresselia won the ensuing clash, but earned herself more than just physical scars by doing so. 
***
“So you just— kicked him out? What happened after that?” 
Cresselia bowed her head mournfully low. “I drove him away from any mortals he came across, until he elected to remain in isolation for centuries and I deemed him no longer a threat. It was only several decades after that I saw his plot beginning to unfold, and I resumed my dogged pursuit of him.” 
Twig didn't know what to say. 
“Make no mistake, human who wears charmeleon flesh, I am certainly the one that made him into the villain he was, and forged his hatred for the world about us. My vanity and selfishness in my youth left no room for kindness for the one who needed it most from me. Even Dialga and Palkia share less bad blood than my counterpart and I. But I believe your watch over him is far less scarring than mine was.”
“What the heck are you talking about?” 
“How should I put it… kindness takes fifty strides where cruelty takes only one? Ah, no, that wasn't how your little guild put it… Smiles go for miles. Pay heed to your Guildmaster's words. There is no truly bad pokemon. Only ones that are scared or confused.” With that, Cresselia plucked a feather from her neck and slipped it into Twig's hand. She marveled at how it felt so warm and downy as Cresselia spoke once more. “Darkrai did not ask for his domain. He confided in me before our falling out that the universe was unkind in how it formed him, and I…” She sighed. “I must take my leave. Now that I know it is Darkrai’s presence that is ruffling me so badly, I find myself more willing to depart in order to get away from it. I do not want to test whether his continued exposure to my aura will return any memories of his.” She ducked her head in a farewell. “Good luck, Twig. Be brave, and be kind.”
And with a burst of light, Cresselia was gone, and Twig was alone— left to ponder over a life of sorrow forgotten by the one who had lived it.
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