#but whatever I stand by what I said. even if it is just bc of my own brain rot. goddammit.
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HI i just remembered to respond to this FUCK ok so
I MASSIVELY AGREE with the binjpipe takes. i think ETS was good/iconic if only because it was so like. JARRING in a good way. but it was so lighting in a bottle tbh, and like u said it isnt rlly good horror. only rlly shocking if ur actually attached to cookie, which ppl are. cookie gets replaced by an AI tried to be ETS all over again, and it wasnt, and it kinda rlly showed, like you said, how they shine best with comedy. also I FULLY AGREE. fuck, im pretty sure its one of the reasons ive just grown tired of jackbox by now, both me and my gf (we met thru shared jackbox love), its bc every time binjpipe happened we were just like "THIS SHIT AGAIN?????" like it just made any sort of investment in it or hopes of cookie getting better just. feel so fucking moot. why bother getting invested if its just constantly going to get dragged back up. the "evil streaming service" joke is dead. its BEYOND dead. we havent even heard of the binjlady anymore. its lost any sort of omnious buildup. to me binjpipe's appeal was that it clearly wasnt going to last long. it was a nightmare that was just going to keep on ramping up until it crashed and burned horrendously, and fuck thats SO cool to consider and write about. but they keep dragging it out, and now its just sad. its boring. fucking. selling adult films?? give me a break.
ok about the party packs, HONESTLY SAME. like idk the writing is what really gets me about it tbh. i guess theyre good party games (tho i can get bored really fast, save for roomerang, and even so thats mostly bc of the goofyness of the responses), but YEAH youre so right. like idk if its because theyre ALSO doing the international translations but ithink it goes with the fact that the hosts severely lack character. when its like for some games, its ok if they dont have character (quixort), but its like that means theres A BALANCE. pack 8, ok? games like job job and weapons drawn, that CALLS for the hosts having character because its putting you in a situation WHERE the host is an active part of that situation. its like "wow im really in funny office" or "wow im really doing a murder!!!" right now, yknow? Push the Button, DODE was her own character and had noteworthy quips and she was a vital part of the games story/framing device! todd is iconic bc hes such a chill internet guy and then he sends you to hell! felicia is all morbidly romantic bc youre on a MONSTER DATING SHOW. a lot of the games stand out BECAUSE of the unique situations ur in that envoke unique prompts/unique gameplay, meanwhile something like fixytext? i dont know SHIT about the host. and its kind of a shame that the cannon jackbox lesbian host we have is SO FUCKING BORING GOD. most i can get is that shes introverted, but i gen cant tell if its genuine, if its some kind of "akward bacon unicorn moment! #millenial" type shit, what the fuck even really IS Fixytext at the end of the day. what makes it more than google docs shitposting simulator. its such a fucking shame, esp for the TENTH PACK. like god maybe they rlly do need to take a hiatus bc the change in. writing quality is. idk it just didnt help my dropping fixtation i'll say that.
also wait FR????? JESUS CHRIST thats actually a shame, i wanted to try and play that game!!! (namely bc funny objectum) and like. the ONE naughty pack exclusive host and we get NOTHING about her. i dont even like the fucking conch shell design im sorry. jackbox crew yall are great but how in this green unholy earth do you expect ppl to draw and remember your designs when your hosts are so. flat. fuck, mayonnaise, fucking M BUBZ, is more memorable than nickolas kranrker whatever and dr nanners and jerri, i cant tell you a SINGLE thing about jerri tbh. its such a shame. i want to love these guys i really do but theres nothing that endears them to me.
tbh if they end up not doing anything for ydkj it'll be funny in a kinda sad way tbh. on the one hand it'd BE nice on the other hand yeah its been nothing since full stream, eh. could they even do a YDKJ anymore? i remember once upon a time there was all this hype/discussion of a "ride 2" where the only real roadblock was that buzz's VA has well moved on from voice acting i think, but ppl had ideas for giving him a new voice, maybe even making it a transgender reason, all this stuff. this was like a couple of years back. but its like god i'd be shocked if they even remember guy exists at this point. or nate. hes sorta got a chance given his VA is literally a core part of the crew.
also i getcha. glad i could offer a space to let ya vent like that lawl
roomerang completely fucking fumbled with giving rue any sort of character we could've had a fun host we could've had that snark we could've had ANYTHING to match the sheer amount of swag in her design but we got BASICALLY NOTHING/very vague hints of character ("I'm beside myself... and I look good!" And "dramaaaa!!! :3") which is CRUMBS compared to even the most one note hosts like glargan o'toe or civic doodle's hosts and as petty as it sounds it's kinda the reason I fell out of love with current jackbox </3
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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#ppl judge me constantly but no one understands that#im a person who is at most a third wheel. im in the way#im never the first choice. never even the 2nd option lol.#i have NEVER dated or even been asked out on a date. no one has flirted with me#im 25 yrs old and a lover girl at heart but i have never even experienced a date#or a kiss. it's normal that some ppl havent had sex or a relationship but they had their 1st kiss in 4th grade 💀#ppl dont understand what that feels like it seems like.... most ppl i talk to or tells me things abt this#or that i should 'love myself or' whatever#have all dated or are dating or have had sex or been in a relationship or been flirted with#sorry but u cannot possibly understand what it's like to be 25 and not having experienced any of that#for me it's more like... i was completely ignored while a group of boys flirted with my friends#and at the only party i was at a guy joked to his friend that he should kiss me and an entire group of guys laughed at me 🧍🏻♀️#i was like... i havent even asked im just standing here bc my friend wanted to go 🙃🙃🙃🙃#or the boys in my class said i was repulsive and wanted to throw up looking at me... 😔🌧💔#and sorry but like someone having seen three pics of me where i've put effort into the angle and some light flattering editing ..#cant know what i look like irl... being ugly and grotesque and hideous is smth that has been such a big thing in my entire life#maybe it's also why when i had this crush it got so much bigger and more intense bc i talked to him withou any ANY ANY at all#thoughts that he could ever ever be even slightly or remotely interested in me. and then he was.... biggest shock of my life#how could someone i liked so much ..... show interest in... *me*?#but the fear of even the smallest chance that he'd be seeing me irl and ..#finding me repulsive and ugly and grotesquely hideous .. the fear of that got so big#bc if that'd happen.. i think i'd actually curl up into a ball and die#i would never recover from that. it's bad enough when that guy i didnt even like said yeah you're ugly haha after i sent him a pic 🧍🏻♀️
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one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.
#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this#i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder#but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw)#(and some of them are contractors for others of them)#the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later#when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me#i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.'#which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was#'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning'#but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden#the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault#because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing#<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations#no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as#an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things#to vent about#my posts
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Started watching SNW season 2 episode 3 and my eyes literally glazed over the moment they both came out in matching all black hoodie-leather jacket-jeans outfits and I couldn’t keep watching after that
#it was TOOO BOOOOORING for me............I want to see HIJINKS I don't care about augments or war or whatever#the augment thing was fine in the last episode bc it also had a courtoom drama and I /do/ like courtroom dramas and mystery plots#but this one was just La'an and [redacted] having a very boring date on modern day Earth which ties into something something augments Khan#the only fun part was Pelia v_v#my opinion is very biased I really can't stand more grimdark metallic war depression type plots#I skip a lot of the borg stuff on Voyager for that reason ... I'm an early seasons silliness type of guy#I hope the next episode of SNW gets back to aliens and hijinks and people in bright clothing trying to worm their way outta THIS mess#idk if this episode is fun for people who actually do care about/understand the khan stuff and the augments stuff#but please don't explain it to me v_v it will never penetrate my heart#idk how to describe 'grimdark metallic' but it's like Picard...it doesn't feel warm. It's glossy and cold.#I don't like that vibe for star trek v_v#also THIS is what it looks like when I'm not having fun so you see I was telling the truth when I said I had fun the last episode#even though I was making fun of it relentlessly...episodes can be fun-bad and I'll still thoroughly enjoy them I just couldn't get into this#please!!!! -dying- please...the goofs and gags.....#livetweeting#please star trek...the STRANGE (NEW) worlds.....not shitty earth...I'm ON shitty earth!!!
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"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
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I am going to need that rewrite on my desk by tomorrow, 12 point font, times new roman, double spaced
noOOOOOO IT'S TOO MUCH WORK!!! I DON'T HAVE TIME AND I DON'T CARE ENOUGH........ girl help!
my rewrite where uhhhhhhhhhh. everything is the same except the writers actually care about female characters. a lot of decisions were made because of actresses no longer being available so plotlines like fish's are more or less the same but like, Ivy either gets to grow up normally or is never a child at the beginning to start with (you can go the weird plant body route if you have to keep her relatively younger since this is a prequel ig), and I don't... even know what to make of KK or Isabella, and Sofia should just be fucking. dont tell me there isn't a single female italian bodybuilder who can act, I don't believe you. let her be buff. let her take up space. let her be huge and wear vintage fashion.
also Oswald is fat and trans
#the problem is that largely i think gotham should suck ass#the only thing that really drives me up the fucking wall is the like. obvious sexism#every fully disposable female character makes me evil#i dont know what they were on about the riddler fangirl and i've chosen not to examine it bc i suspect you had to be there#in order to understand what whoever wrote that was mad about specifically. i can't stand that shit#'we have to openly mock some actually harmless aspect of our fanbase' ok but can you do it without being weird and sexist '🧍♂️'#but generally? the Stupid plotlines the Really dumb crap#whatever the fuck gordon is doing from episode to episode#...it builds character. i wasn't paying attention to most of it anyway#hey real quick look me in the eyes#there was something there. i hate the galavan arc so much but there was something there.#a sympathy. a kinship between tabitha and silver. tabitha was groomed for a role the same way silver is being groomed and she recognizes#the childish desire to please authority figures in their stupid bullshit organization even though silver can't see it because she's still l#living in it#did you guys see that? because i saw it#and it's in the middle of like. one of the worst arcs in the show#(the arc is fine the actor who plays theo is just so like. he has no charisma at all and something is Off about the whole thing bc of it)#oh wait no yeah actually. the stuff with silver is kind of hard to watch bc it would be interesting if they wanted to examine it#but it's a stupid drama series so it's just a love triangle even though she's a pretty sad character even within the writing in this show#and silver never comes back. and she doesn't need to bc they wouldnt know how to treat her#but did you guys see that too?#I like tabitha#anyway that arc is bad but i do think sometimes about silver saying 'my favorite animal is a dolphin bc they're magic'#and for a second bruce forgets the situation and looks like he's going to snap#exclusively because she said something factually incorrect about an animal#what was i talking about again
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Yall don't know how hard God was testing me today at work 😭😭
Bootleg FGM was trying to string up wire for the new sign holder line in basics and he was right by me right? He starts getting the wire twisted and in a sing song voice he goes "why are you not straight?! Whyyy are youuu not! Straight!? Why're you not straight?"
And it took EVERYTHING in me to not out myself for the joke 😭😭😭😭 I wanted to go "well for one, I'm bi." SO BAD AGSGDGGDGDGS I was just standing there folding shirts like 🤐🤐🤐
#marquilla#i wanted to make a 'i cant do anything straight im gay!' joke SO BAD too 😭😭😭#but if im gonna out myself at work it's sure as fuck not gonna be to management agdgdgdggdgd#not that i think theyd treat me different (i mean the one lady manager is openly bi and there's a flamboyant gay man in the cafe so it's not#like taboo) i just dont wanna out myself at a place where several coworkers are anti trans and some are homophobic#one is very bi-phobic bc i remember her bitching to RC ab this bi girl we used to work with and she said (mine you its not even 6am on a#weekday. unprovoked.) like 'does she wake up one day wanting to suck dick and the next wanting to eat coochie?!'#and im standing there thinking 'i mean maybe?? idk her preference and sometimes for me it fluxuates more like through periods of#preferring one gender over others/then swapping but also some days it's a 'why not both?' situation and SOMETIMES it's a#'why not both TOGETHER' situation man like does it matter??#i think what triggered it was the girl broke up with her girlfriend who shed been talking ab for weeks and had begun dating a man#who she then would not shut up ab. but also that coworker is suuuuper racist at least towards black WOMEN idr if she#acts that way around/with black men but a racist is a racist no matter who they pick and choose to hate#anyway i know a lot of coworkers are not lgbt friendly and i dont want to create any animosity/draw a target on my back at work#like if they find out they find out but i aint strutting my stuff yknow? like with family it's like id prefer you not know but if you know#you know so whatever#work talk
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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I'm not done yet but hey are you giving zuko eldest daughter trauma because I'll fucking kill you I read ONE line it's probably the first of what's to come but I'm sending the hate ask now xoxo
ofc i wouldn't do that! he's just fistfighting a saviour complex and is eternally burdened by the responsibility of raising and caring for his sister while simultaneously being a child himself and always putting himself before the worst of the war so that azula doesn't have to all the while growing more and more rage towards the situation until it all comes out in a very cataclysmic scene that i will definitely cry at when writing :)
#he's got that fiona gallagher in him#big thief rlly went to town with mythological beauty and 'there is a child inside you who is trying to raise a child in me' v tams zukocore#the funny thing about zuko and azula's relationship is that yes it's kinda wholesome but it is still ultimately fucked#and yet i find them pretty easy to write bc i literally just go 'what would me and my sister be like in this situation'#like ive said before how my sister never really stepped up as the eldest and ive always felt like we shared that role#like i'll give it to her she's better at being the eldest in certain situations and im better in others#and it's always been us helping our mum bc as capable and brilliant as my mum is she's also doing everything alone#and her temper is... not great. so me and my sister took care of each other in our own way#and by 'our own way' i mean we have NEVER had a stereotypical relationship. our age gap is too small and we're both too mean#literally zuko's ch1 quote about 'they'd never been protective of each other' is directly inspired by me and my sister#i dont feel protective of her i dont feel a need to keep her safe and happy and it's really odd bc i KNOW im supposed to but i just dont#and she doesnt for me even though she's the 'eldest'. and yet i love her and would kill and die for her#and also if we were in this situation and we were trying to shield each other#from certain horrors that we thought the other couldn't handle then we'd have to be SO CLEVER ABOUT IT#bc just like zuko with azula if i caught my sister trying to patronise me/protect me i would HIT THE ROOF#like i am thoroughly convinced there is nothing she can handle that i cant and vice versa so we'd have to be soooo slick about it#and while with zuko and azula that only holds to an extent bc azula is ultimately YEARS younger than zuko#and whatever you think of her personality she just straight up should not be exposed to certain things#(neither should zuko but yk what i mean)#it still stands and we see throughout tams the v clever ways zuko has learned to protect azula so that she doesnt catch on#like either the next chapter or the one after (probs the one after) there's a really horrific scene#that's just super dark and gory and while with a normal younger sibling you'd do something to keep their eyes on you and not on the scene#like lie to them or make it into a game or something so they're unaware of what's happening#but instead zuko sees what's happening and before azula can he quickly gets her to check their supplies and count their money or some shit#like giving her a job to acknowledge her capability and not patronise her while still shielding her from a really brutal scene#and it just goes over zuko's head that at sixteen he ALSO SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO THAT#but long story short i just think that's so funny. like the fire hazards are sooo fucked and for good reason#but it literally just boils down to me and my dumbass sister#so yeah. very niche eldest daughter syndrome emanating from tams zuko#ask
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pics from like two days ago
#RANT ->#now that i FINALLY got my wifi installed lemme yall yall what happened🤦🏿♀️#so like an hour before i took these pics i was on the bus going back home from class right?#but since everybody and they mama is getting off from class too the bus was packed asf#and im like the last person to get on and there were no seats left BUT this one guy decides to get up and give me his seat#so i don’t have to stand#and im like okay he’s just being nice whatever whatever#and when the but gets to my stop i obviously get off so i can get my ass home#but lemme tell you#as im literally going ok the stairs to get into my apartment#tell me why this nigga i see this nigga from the corner of my eye tryna wave me down😐#he was calling for my attention and everything but i didn’t hear his ass bcs i had my earbuds on#anyways he was standing at the bottom of the stairwell like a dumbass and goes onto say ‘oh hi i just wanted to tell you that ur cute🤓’#and then he asks for my name and shit and then tells his#even though my ass did NAWT care to know that shit#and then ofc im like ‘what grade you in?🤨’#come to find out he’s a SENIOR??#after that i basically was like hell nah imma freshman dawg💀#and cuz this mf was hella lame he left and said sumn like ‘oh well have a good one even tho i still think ur cute🥹’#like bro you followed me all the way back to my building just to waste my time tf wrong witchu😐#me. [🧍🏿♀️]
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I like horror and gore and gross scary weird stuff but at the same time I can't even handle it anyway </3 would I let my partner drink my blood vampire style? absolutely. did I pass out when I pricked my finger and squeezed out a few drops? yes.
#i love meat but sometimes i can't even stand to eat it anyway??#like sometimes fuckin chicken is? like fuckin icks me for whatever reason. can't even finish a breast#i don't often enjoy meat on the rarer side even#spooky stories and ahit work on me i get freaked out#graphic descriptions and even sometimes just mentions of like gore or just smth specific internal body thing make me feel weird or even -#-queasy a lot of the time#I've tried leg of lamb before and it relatively consistently straight up makes me gag?#eating smth like heart feels weird too#i scare easily irl. multiple times someone has walked by me in broad daylight and said hi and it made me jump just bc i was looking away#i like? have some sort of mental barrier preventing me from even being violent or breaking things? even when I'm mad and want to?#yeah theoretically i could punch a hole in the wall but even if i really want to i dont think i could#90% sure i wouldn't even like bruise my knuckles or anything#like idk man i wanna be more of a freak but I'm like too fucking normal as default#like dude! this fucking sucks! let me be normal about even slightly abnormal things please! what fuck!#crow talking#horror#werewolf#blood#vampire#fuckin hell man
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talking about my ideas for the part 3 rewrite I will never actually do
#okayokayokay heres the thing. im making it so hollys stand disease actually affects all the joestars like we see it affects josuke so#joseph and jotaro are also going through it and giorno too hes like 2 at the time and his mother just thinks its the flu or whatever and#leaves him be. maybe gives him some calpol#anyway.#it's not completely debilatating like it is in canon its more like. uhhh period cramps i guess. like it comes and goes and they get brief#moments of immense pain and a loss of control over their stands#and it gets more frequent the closer they are to dio#anyway so they find the bug in the photo and are like omg egypt... and holly is like im coming too and refuses to stay behind because she'd#do anything for her family. and so her stand develops over the course of the journey same with starplat neither of them are very strong or#consistent at first but they get there#anyway I'm thinking what i want hollys stand to be bc some vines and raspberries is not much to go off#i dont want it to be super combat focused but also i don't want it to be completely support.. im thinking like giornos where its more#versatile#might have to look into raspberries to give me something to go off#also her arcana is the sun because i said so. fuck the actual sun guy no one gives a shit about him#getting sooo excited over this you don't even understand#and the whole story is mostly about the intergenerational relationships in the joestar family because that makes me sick in the head.
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being mentally ill about the journey to skyhold again but this time it’s about how everyone would be on death’s door upon arrival and it’s dumb that we see the inq and advisors just stroll on into the main hall completely normal
#not even including how the inq literally almost died and froze to death and such#I’m talking abt everyone else!!!#ik this part of the game is made much bigger than it actually is in my brain bc it is ALWAYS a huge character turning point in my fics LMAO#and I use everyone being all injured as a reason to have everyone in skyhold together til they’re all healed up#which takes longer than it truly would irl bc I use it for Development#but whatever I stand by what I said. even if it is just bc of my own brain rot. goddammit.
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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting
#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that#to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money#any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and#he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just#he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me#and now i. know why he did that lol#but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back#or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me#and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship#genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and#pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i#realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically#and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot#with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would#hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he#was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week#on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick
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you know after growing up w rammstein and it being my main fixation for several years in HS and pretty briefly being in the “fandom” (here actually bc twt wasnt rly a popular site for fandom stuff yet, i rly only remember tumblr and deviantart for that) it makes me rly glad i wasnt into ghost back then lmao
#putting aside everything thats happened surrounding rammstein and till in the past few years#like ppl are obnoxious and rude and say stupid shit to/ abt tobe and the ghouls#but that tends to be a v small fraction and ppl defend them#but this was early early 2010s tumblr before it was known for discussions of minorities and political correctness and whatever#ppl just said ANYTHING and others went along with it#and a lot of it was horrific fatphobia and misogyny brought over from the 2000s since most of the prominent ppl in the fandom here back then#were adults#i specifically seeing so much shit abt richard in particular#ppl acting disgusted w his body bc hed put on weight and had a belly/ bigger arms by the lifad era and was shirtless onstage a lot#which was always crazy given he stands next to till who has ALWAYS been a bigger guy yet indisputably been the most widely adored by fans#and oh my god the way ppl would talk abt their wives/ girlfriends.#even then as a teen inwas SHOCKED by some of that shit lmao#i vividly remember somebody making fun of one of richards exes#i think abt alleged unfaithfulness while touring which i dont know if there was ever any truth behind#i vividly remember somebody saying ‘if inwas married to him id send him on tour with a box of condoms bc its inevitable’#LIKE GIRL WHAT#ppl complained so much and still do abt tumblr being so PC#but this was an absolutely LAWLESS place before then let me tell you#those examples are still on the tamer side for sure#kids today will never know how common it used to be to say you wanted somebody you were attracted to to rape you.#like rape THEM like not ‘i wanna fuck him’ it was ‘i want him to rape me’#ABOUT REAL PEOPLE#it was insane
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