#but what you don't know is that that dish is not just a tortilla. it's not a wrap. it's not a burrito. it's actually a chilito.

[folkinsomnia]

average cincinnati(-area) bitch's birthday dinner

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 5

To know if a dish is good or not, pay attention to the tortilla. If someone eats the entire plate and the tortilla, the dish is fine, but if someone eats the whole plate, then uses the tortilla to clean the plate, that dish is one of the best damn meals ever eaten.

The Loyal Pin is a plate cleaned with a tortilla.

Because just like Pin's amazing dishes, it's fucking delicious!

To begin this episode with Pin running away from Anin and locking herself in the room WHILE IN ANIN'S BLUE and Anin crying outside to be let in is exactly how I want my meal served!

Because Pin loves this Blue Beauty but she cannot bring herself to admit that such a love is possible.

So having Anin give her color and her love to Pin only to be left standing outside alone is the exact angst I needed from this sixteen-course meal.

Anin is making herself sick as she is quickly shut out, but all I know is Becky and Freen better win all of the awards because we are only five episodes in and I. Am. Invested!

Pin shows Anin she still cares by cooking her favorite meals, but she cannot bring herself to face her because she knows what is in her heart. Her pink is so light, it's almost white, yet her skirt is lines which shows Anin is always on her mind.

She is barely herself and the servants are running scared going as far as contemplating eating the food just so Pin will snap back to herself.

So by time her mother returns (still not in her color!), Pin has started turning into an AKA with the pink and green (This is a Greek-letter org joke, but I don't want no smoke from them very kind and fine ladies. They have phenomenal branding is all I'm saying, so good for them. Please and thank you.)

But, thankfully, Prik is a real one and quickly runs back to her princess upon her return only to find her talented and intelligent Blue Beauty passed out on the floor, so my girl runs to save the day.

Because Anin truly has made herself sick over Pin's rejection.

And her color-coded brother is freaking out already making arrangements for his sister-in-color and blood to move back into the big house immediately!

Luckily, Pin decides to take it upon herself to lift Anin's spirit, so Anin takes advantage of the situation and tries to lift some other things as well.

But that backfires and Pin reinforces that she feels nothing for Anin which makes Anin a different kind of blue.

And just like that, Anin loses her color!

She is putting on a brave face for her brother, but then she gets hits with even more bad news from her other color-coded brother.

Ueangfah's father has died!

But leave it up to the realest one in the house because Prik makes sure to always stay loyal to her beautiful and intelligent princess by spinning this dark tragedy into a golden opportunity to make Pin jealous! Sidenote: can we all appreciate the button on Looknam's top that is fighting for its life because it was all I could think about in this scene?

And BOOM, just like what I wanted to happen to that button, Pin snaps and is fully back in her pink color with a knife in her hand and jealously in her heart!

Sorry for your loss Ueangfah, but whatever gets the plot moving works with me.

Pin isn't afraid of what is in her heart anymore. She is a Pink Person once again in her floral skirt!

So once her mother returns (not in her color, so now I'm very worried!), Pin wears her pink skirt with lines for Anin and runs straight over to The Palace of Pines when she hears Anin is back.

Because even though Anin lost her color for a moment, she is as radiant as ever in a blue floral dress. It's clear her heart still belongs to Pin and @babyangelsky and I cheered!

But now it's time for Pin to give her heart to Anin (as well as a few other things).

And we finally got the title-relevant pins!

SO LET'S GO, LESBIANS! IT'S YOUR TIME TO THRIVE!

(well, until the angst returns again next week but until then . . .)

LET'S GO, LESBIANS!

[generalissimomayhem]

I want to believe that the neighbors do a sort of apartment potluck and they all bring their things. Nacha might be the apartment complex's chef but I think all neighbors have their specialty dishes.

I don't really see any of them being completely hopeless at cooking 😅 even those who aren't the best still manage to bring a decent dish

Here's a list of what they would bring:

Roman Stilnsky: Borscht or stroganoff with the help of Lois, of course, since he tends to wander off and forget about the kitchen altogether lol

Lois Stilnsky: Either knoephla soup or gooey butter cake. Midwestern classics!

Robertsky Peachman and Albertsky Peachman: They often bring potato stew or peach pie (sometimes with ice cream to serve a la mode). Albertsky dreads making the pies every time.

Angus Ciprianni: Since he knows that the foods will often be heavy/filling he opts for the simplest option of pasta with tomato and basil sauce (plus some cheese) to cut the richness.

Elenois Sverchzt and Selenne Sverchzt: They either bring varenki or chicken kyiv. Coincidentally, their childhood favorites.

Arnold Schmicht and Gloria Schmicht: Arnold is a simple man, he knows that you can't go wrong with hush puppies! Gloria, on the other hand, makes some collard greens because she thinks her neighbors need to eat vegetables. Sometimes, for christmas dinner, they take care of the mac and cheese.

Izaack Gauss: Knowing him, he probably was going on his way to home when he had The Realization™ that the potluck is the next day, so he runs to the store and grabs all the ingredients needed to make schnitzel, something easy but not any less welcome.

Margarette Bubbles: Tater tots casserole, because again #midwestern

Nacha Mikaelys: She ALWAYS brings something new, so everyone is always at the edge of their seats trying to guess what she will bring. The big hits during this event have been: Pot roast, Tortilla chicken soup, Oven baked baby back ribs (even recieving Mclooy's approval), and Mashed potatoes. She also makes baklava, but that's a christmas exclusive!

Anastacha Mikaelys: Anastacha is still learning how to cook and while she doesn't often bring something, she makes a KILLER dip for chips* and sometimes brings appetizer-sized burritos.

Mia Stone: She likes to bring some roasted brussel sprouts but she also likes to make Shepherd's pie. At times, she brings marbled cake.

Dr. W. Afton: Like Anastacha, doesn't always bring things, but when he does, he opts of soup dumplings or spring rolls. Sometimes likes to make rice pudding.

Francis Mosses: He makes a good potato salad, he adds some apple to his, but always leaves a small container without apples for Anastacha.

Steven Rudboys: He likes to bring baked beans. He's not the best at baking but his biscuits are always welcome. And also brings beer, of course.

Mclooy Rudboys: His brisket is unparalleled, that's all you need to know.

Alf Cappuccin: Just like Anastacha and Afton, he doesn't bring food often but he likes to bring crumpets with a jar of jam and some butter.

Rafttellyn Cappuccin: She often complements to what Alf brings so she tends to cook fish and chips, other times she brings some goulash. Raffie sometimes brings some berry crumble.

.

.

.

*The dip recipe is a personal of mine lol

[heartstringsduet]

Happy Wednesday. Just so I don't bore anyone with the same old d/s smut story that won't get finished, have some of my side project called 2am for now. Thanks for tagging me @ironheartwriter @whatsintheboxmh

The kitchen smells like tomatoes, like cilantro, like sleeping over at his boyfriend’s house. The first few times, they’ve eaten simple dishes. Dishes that allowed them to hop right back into bed after, downed quickly to go back to devouring something more delicious and satiating.

This is a whole production, a play meant for TK to watch, to impress him. Sadly, TK will only know the weight of it after he shatters the gesture by saying, “My dad showed me how baking can achieve the same results as frying. His recipes aren’t always hits - I did tell you about the lettuce he was trying to sell me as burger buns, right? - but anyway, he made baked flautas the other day and I swear you couldn’t tell that he didn’t use more than a drop of oil.”

The room temperature changes as Carlos’ shoulders tense and the line in his jaw jumps. He lifts the clear bottle of liquid golden fat and sets it on the counter, measured but sounding louder in TK’s ears. It shifts TK into more panic, and he quickly amends, “But I bet your dish will turn out a million times better!”

Carlos gives him a strained smile and rubs TK’s lower back, before turning to the corn tortillas he sliced into neat quarters. “Yeah. I hope you like it. If not we can go out for brunch.”

Knowing something happened, the misstep of him into a wound he’s been blind to visible on Carlos’ usual mask. He’s become better at spotting it these past few weeks. The suave man asking him to dance cracked after TK did first, but he doesn’t know him well enough to know how to swerve back from the mistakes he steers into.

“I’m sorry,” TK says, sliding a hand onto Carlos’ bicep. 

Carlos keeps on looking at the pot. His voice doesn’t waver from his friendly tone. “What for?”

“I didn’t mean to criticize your cooking."

Carlos deflates a little with an audible sigh. “It’s not that.”

OPEN TAG (always let me know if you want to be tagged/or don't want to be tagged pls)

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @carlos-in-glasses @birdclowns

@paperstorm @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @bonheur-cafe

@never-blooms @freneticfloetry @goodways @liminalmemories21

@welcometololaland @rmd-writes @carlos-tk @lemonlyman-dotcom

@ladytessa74 @thisbuildinghasfeelings @strandnreyes @reyesstrand

@eclectic-sassycoweyes @thebumblecee @inkweedandlizards

@emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @decafdino @orchidscript

[matchalovertrait]

Dulce was eliminated from the competition. Is this the end of the road for her?

Previous / Next (Transcript under the cut)

(1.) [Sofia] Good thing everyone is okay!

[Mia] Chefs, you guys have 5 minutes left on the clock! Please start plating soon.

(2.) [Alex] When I finished plating, I took a look at my dish and thought about it. I was not really happy with it. Is it missing something?

(3.) [Dulce] I did a taste test when the 5-minute mark hit... but some of the vegetables weren't cooked all the way. I didn't even try the goat yet. There was no time. I put the lid back on and hoped for the best.

(4.) [Andrea] 1 minute left!

[Rubiya] Oh no... I forgot the lemon juice in the jicama dip. I don't think I saw any in the fridge? Maybe I can cut up the limes instead and put them on the side? I see some at the pantry over there.

(5.) [Andrea] Chefs, your time is up. Please come to the judges' table.

(6.) N/A

(7.) [Mia] Chefs, you all look rather down. You don't seem as optimistic as you did in the last round. What's on your mind?

(8.) [Rubiya] Haha, I guess we all had some sort of hiccup.

[Dulce] Sorta, aha.

[Alex] Mhm.

(9.) [Sofia] We've all been there, guys. Even me! Before I made it big, a lot of people didn't believe in me. I know we have to judge your food, but just remember that we all believe in you guys. That's why you're here. Mia saw something in all of you.

(10.) [Alex] Thank you.

[Rubiya] We appreciate the reassurance.

[Dulce] Yeah, thanks.

(11.) [Rubiya] Alright! First, we have Chef Rubiya's appetizer.

[Rubiya] Chefs, I have made you chana masala goat tacos with a hatch green chile salsa and jicama dip.

(12.) [Carlo] The goat is really juicy and flavorful. Also, the jicama dip adds some nice freshness to the tacos.

(13.) [Mia] The only bad thing is that the tortillas got cold and soggy... that's not good, especially because tacos are so reliant on the tortillas.

(14.) [Sofia] But hey, you opting for the limes instead of the lemon juice worked out well for you. I know these tacos aren't exactly authentic, but I've eaten a lot of tacos in Del Sol Valley and many taco stands there have limes instead of lemons. It makes a big difference.

(15.) [Rubiya] Thank you, judges.

[Andrea] Next, we have Chef Alex's appetizer.

[Alex] Chefs, I made for you an egusi soup with cubed goat meat, spiralized jicama, and chana masala.

(16.) [Alex] ...but I did use pumpkin seeds instead of egusi seeds.

[Mia] That is a common substitution! Let me say, this soup is quite rich. Also, you have a git when it comes to plating.

(17.) [Carlo] I have to agree. The cubed goat and spiralized jicama are nice. That shows you have technique. I just think it needs something else to balance out the heartiness of the soup. You went a little too light on the vegetables.

(18.) [Sofia] Yeah, I found some of the flavors a bit overpowering, but at least the goat is cooked all the way. It's tender.

(19.) [Alex] Thank you, judges.

[Andrea] Finally, we have Chef Dulce's entree.

[Dulce] Judges, I made you all a tomato soup with chana masala and chopped hatch green chiles and jicama.

(20.) [Mia] You've done it again, Dulce. You know how to combine flavors perfectly. The cucumber, onion, and bell peppers make this dish so fulfilling.

(21.) [Sofia] Ohh, I wish I could enjoy this more thoroughly. I am not sure if the added red chiles were a good move. I can't really taste the rest of it.

(22.) [Carlo] They're both right. It's delicious, but the spice is too much. The hatch green chiles themselves were fine. The goat and some of the vegetables are kind of hard to chew too.

(23.) [Dulce] Thank you, judges.

[Andrea] Well done, chefs. Please go to the room next door so the judges can have a discussion. We'll see you in a bit.

(24.) [Rubiya] Guys! I served them cold and soggy tacos! I think it's over for me.

[Alex] I'm not feeling good either. I'm not exactly seeking Carlo's approval anymore, but he's still a judge...

(25.) [Dulce] Yeah, it was a brutal round for all of us, huh? I don't know what I was thinking.

[Rubiya] I thought it would get easier with each round, but I'm not so sure anymore.

(26.) [Andrea] Chefs, welcome back to the judges' table. Judges?

(27.) [Mia] This was a difficult decision to make.

[Carlo] Even for me. Everyone made a delicious dish.. but they all came with their major faults.

[Mia] And unfortunately, Dulce is being diced in this round.

[foodandfolklore]

Tools and Ingredients to keep on hand; Kitchen Witchcraft Elevated Pt. 3

A few more items I'd like to recommend to my kitchen witches. This is going to start getting a little more specific to my own style of cooking and practicing. So if there's anything on this list that makes you go "That's dumb, why would I need that?" then it probably is not for you. Don't go out and get it! But if you think "Huh, that's a good idea" maybe try it out. You can also check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Terracotta Disk Okay let's be real; anyone who's opened brown sugar before knows the struggle of hard sugar. Brown sugar dries out and becomes rock hard. Now, there are lots of solutions that have been presented, but each of them have a new issue. Adding a piece of bread for example. Well now I gotta worry about crumbs, mold and gluten contamination (I'm very mindful of allergies, despite not having any myself). I've also heard of adding a marshmallow to your sugar. I've tried this, but I'm not sure if it's the environment I live in, but it just doesn't work well for me. Plus both feels kind of wasteful. Then I saw a Terracotta disk at the dollarama for about 2 bucks. You soak it in water then drop it in your jar. Boom. Soft brown sugar in a few hours.

Rice Vinegar I know I already suggested vinegar in general, but rice vinegar tends to be more mellow than white vinegar or balsamic vinegar. I like to make a lot of quick pickle stuff like pickled Daikon, Pickled Carrot, or pickled onion. It's also a common ingredient for many Asian sauces and dishes. So if looking up a recipe, it'll often call for Rice Vinegar in some form or fashion. It's also nice to add to plain white rice.

Tortillas Anytime I can find these for cheap in the store, I stock up and throw them in the freezer. Yeah, I can make my own for cheaper, but I've never been 100% happy with how they turn out. They can be too thick, or get a hole, or are not the right size; I dunno. Sometimes I'll make them when in the mood, but mostly I prefer to have them premade. Tortillas, whether made from wheat or corn, have strong solar energies. They also have good protection properties. When you wrap your food in a tortilla, imagine it to be like a protective blanket. It's great for tacos, burritos, fajitas, or just lunch/breakfast wraps in general. But you can also use them non conventionally. When a pizza craving hits, I'll throw some sauce and toppings on a tortilla and bake. Or I may cut the tortilla up into triangles and bake if I need something to go with a hot dip. Monosodium Glutamate Better known as MSG. There has been a lot of misinformation and hate regarding MSG. Starting when Chinese food became popular in North America, but people worried about the quality and cleanliness of food cooked by a foreigner. After all, other countries had different rules about what was considered acceptable when it came to food. So when people were experiencing headaches or stomach aches after eating Chinese take out, they were appalled to find out it was cooked with MSG. MSG was reported to be the cause of these health problems and demonized it. Except.....it was all dog whistling.

I want to be clear: There is NO causation link to MSG having a side effect of pain or stomach problems. What's more likely to have happened is people had an adverse reaction to deep fried food, combined with mass hysteria. MSG is like Salt, Sugar, or Citric Acid. It occurs naturally, and we humans found ways create the product in it's purest form. MSG can be found in all kinds of food like tomatoes, mushrooms, soy, cheese, fish, grapes, and a ton more. Now that doesn't mean you can just eat as much MSG as you want. Like Salt and Sugar, too much over a long period of time can have negative health impacts. But a pinch or two in a dish while cooking is great to help enhance the Umami or savory flavor. MSG also has way less sodium than regular salt. While I don't think it'll replace salt, it can be good to try adding first for flavor if you're trying to reduce your sodium intake.

Cane Sugar There's a lot of different kinds of sugar. Granulated sugar, brown sugar, yellow sugar, icing sugar; most people keep some kind of sugar on hand for baking or sweetening drinks. But I like to keep Cane Sugar on hand as it has a more complex flavor profile. Magically, I find while Cane Sugar sweetens demeanors just like any other sugar, Cane Sugar is able to have people be more...understanding. Instead of finding a new reason to like you or tolerate you, Cane Sugar makes it more likely people sees things your perspective. It makes people more attune to their empathy when engaging with you. If that makes any sense. Oh, and it's my go to for fermented drinks. I actually ran out experimenting with things like ginger beer. Whoops. Scrub Mommy Listen, I hate cleaning. Especially dishes. I chuck as much as I can into the dishwasher, but some things need to be done by hand. So I'm always looking for way to clean them as quickly and easily as possible. But I also don't want to use harsh chemicals or keep buying steel wool that I'll throw away. I saw the Scrub Mommy be used in a lot of videos, so I gave it a try, and holy crap. I bought one for 6 dollars a year ago. I still have it. It doesn't shrink, it doesn't mold; I can toss it in the dishwasher if it needs a clean. And it gets the food off SO easily. I still need to give stuff a soak every once in a while. But most stuff comes right off. Even jars when I'm getting labels off and I got that sticky residue, scrub mommy it with some dish soap. It's gone in like 30 seconds. I still hate doing dishes. But at lest now I can do them without putting every fiber of my being into them.

[gravitysgone]

This morning I will go to church and I like the friends and feeling of belonging I have there, but I still have no investment in the faith or beliefs. The feel so hypocritical or just for display, instead of a truth. What I mean is this. For breakfast I am having leftover stale tortilla chips. Because that is all I have right now. And if I were to tell people I know there or almost anyone at church really, that I have no money and no food and I need medicine and help. The standard response is "Have you checked the church pantry?" or "I will pray for you" or "You should call the Salvation Army". All of which are fine responses. And suggestions. They may even ease my situation. But they are completely at odds with the teachings they sit and hear for 2 hours every Sunday. Jesus never said "If a man comes to you in need, tell them to ask someone else" and he never put responsibility for Christian charity or community on other people. He was very clear on what it is expected of his followers. That they themselves act on their merit and own actions.

Matthew 25:35-37 ‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

And Paul wrote

Romans 12:20 ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.‘

And James wrote

James 2:15-16 ‘Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?‘ This is all right there in the bible. And even more so Jesus clearly talked about even bad people or enemies suing or stealing from you and still acting in Christian charity

Matthew 5:40 'If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also." But this is not what I see. I see all the hands in the air and the voices singing and the smiles and the handshakes and how are you's. But then thee actions, don't speak of belief or faith. And I want to be sure to say I am not entitled to fuck all. No one is. Nor does anyone owe me anything. And anything I may receive is grace of the kindest order. But if you are going to wave a flag, man. Be of the flag or be honest. The modern church is so full of people who think that dropping a few bucks in the collections dish (or e-pad) or donating at Christmas time is doing your duty to your beliefs and faith. And that is absolutely not true. There is now where in biblical teaching or dogma that says "If you throw in a an anonymous sheckle you have served your duty to Christ". No matter how much some may try to twist verses and slogans to say otherwise. Jesus the dude was very clear in his instruction and beliefs. I like the dude Jesus is reported to believe and I like the lessons his story sends. But I don't like the religion around his teachings. I left it for many years and I still have no real belief in god. I try but...I just can't re-ignite that. I just feel like it's all an act. All for show. And I want to find belief. And action. In the same person. Maybe I just want to feel like if I said to someone "I had stale chips for breakfast", they wouldn't hand it off or act like praying for me or anyone is enough. Maybe I just want to see people who live their faith and acting on it. Yeah i know I am sounding kind of crusty and probably a bit hypocritical myself. It is just how I feel right now. I have sat in the huge homes and businesses of too many church members who I never see actually acting in any way that could be called truly Christian. But I have seen the poorest of people who would give you their coat because that is the teaching. It all seems wrong.

[sephirthoughts]

I wish you would write a fic where... actually, I don't got anything weird. I've just been thinking about Rude/Sephiroth domestic fluff lately because I think Rude is probably a skilled cook and Sephiroth wants that normal life and he could wield a broom as well as he does Masamune. I don't have anyone to tell this to lol

HELLO THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! Alright, this is probably not exactly what you had in mind, but it is the madness that came from your ask, so if anything, it's all your fault. Enjoy! 😂

“What are you doing?” 

“Sweeping the floor.”

“You swept in here three times, today. You’re taking off the varnish.”

“I think this is vinyl.”

“¡Vete!”

Sephiroth pouted, but he knew better than to argue with Rude when he was speaking his native language and using a wooden spoon to point, so he retreated from the kitchen, broom in hand, to seek out another spot in the house that he hadn’t polished to a blinding shine, in the past few hours.

Maybe the upstairs closets? He wavered for a moment, then decided he may as well give the whole place an extra once-over. Better safe than sorry.

With his silver hair pulled up into a martial ponytail, and his weapon-calloused hands wielding a mop and feather duster like twin blades, he whirled through the living room, dining room, entryway, stairs, hallways, bedrooms, and all associated closets, in a blur, hellbent on eradicating even the tiniest molecule of intruding dust from his domain. 

A large, fluffy, white cat was impolitely awakened from a nap, during this maelstrom of domestic activity, and made her displeasure known by violently assailing the feather duster, from atop a bookshelf. Otherwise, the operation suffered no serious setbacks.

Thirty-three minutes later, Sephiroth had scooted the last of the area rugs back into place, and was standing back, imbibing deep satisfaction from his well-ordered house. Then his stomach let out a loud growl. 

Much like a member of a big-cat species, his ability to move at superhuman speeds demanded superhuman energy, and after the burst of activity, he was ravenously hungry.

It didn’t help that Rude was saturating the air in the house with the beguiling, come-hither aromas of meat and fat and spices, piquant and savory and ever so enticing, wafting from the kitchen to brush coquettishly against Sephiroth’s olfactory nerves.

Compelled by forces far stronger than himself, he slunk back into the kitchen, where he sidled up behind Rude and settled his hands on his hips, looking over his shoulder at the big, bubbling pot he was stirring. “What is all this? It smells wonderful.”

“Pozole, elotes, sopas, beans, rice, and tortillas,” Rude said, pointing at each pot, pan, and covered dish, respectively, as Sephiroth’s hands slid lower. “Don’t think I don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

The hands stopped where they were. “Who? Me?”

“Don’t you try that, ‘who me’ shit. You always turn into a slut when you want food. You and that cat, both.” 

The cat in question, who had, indeed, padded into the kitchen after Sephiroth, to see if any treats were to be gotten, plopped down on her ample haunches and set about having a bath, like she had no idea what they were talking about. 

By way of reply, Sephiroth nuzzled the hollow behind Rude’s ear and then bit down on his warm, tawny skin, just hard enough to dent it, but not actually leave a mark. 

“No biting,” Rude scolded. “Use your words.”

“Starving,” Sephiroth groaned, against his neck. “For real, this time. I’ve got mere seconds left to live.”

“Tch,” Rude smirked. “If you have energy to bitch, you’ll survive till dinner.”

“It’s too late. I’ve died,” Sephiroth intoned, slumping heavily against him. “Have me buried at sea.”

“Dinner will be ready in a minute. If you go set the table, we can start eating sooner.”

This incantation miraculously resurrected the recently deceased Sephiroth, who sprang back to life and hurried away, tripping over the cat in his haste.

“Damn it, Cloud, stop trying to kill me all the time,” he admonished the deeply offended furball, who’d already had her nap and her bath interrupted by this dubious character, and was now being picked up and kissed on the head, of all insufferable indignities.

“I can’t believe you named the cat Cloud,” Rude groused. 

Sephiroth was the picture of innocence. “What’s wrong with Cloud? I think it’s a good name.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. She’s white and fluffy, like a cloud.”

Rude arched an eyebrow. “Then explain why the dog is named Zack.”

“He’s named after the puppy I used to have, back in SOLDIER,” Sephiroth answered, with a completely straight face. 

Rude snorted out a laugh, which naturally meant Sephiroth had won the interaction. “Very funny. Go set the table, ass.”

Sephiroth put the fuming cat down and went to do as he was told. Just as the last fork was being set on the corresponding napkin, the front door banged open, and a voice announced, “Guess who’s here!”

Sephiroth cast a distasteful eye on the day-glow-red haired individual. “The Association for Homosexual Fashion Disasters.”

“You’re one to talk, Sephir-goth,” Reno retorted, taking the lollipop out of his mouth to gesture with it. “Are you seriously wearing leather pants and a band t-shirt to hang around the house?”

“These are the only pants I have, that are not currently in the wash,” Sephiroth answered, with a haughty toss of his head.

“Hey, wait a minute…that’s my shirt!” Reno accused. “It’s the tour edition you could only get at the shows! Take it off! You’re gonna ruin it!”

Sephiroth looked down at his shrink-wrapped torso. “Ah. I wondered why one of Rude’s shirts would fit me so tightly. Since he isn’t the size of a teenaged girl.”

“Look what you did! Your huge tits are stretching it all out! Mick Jagger’s face looks like it’s melting! Or…wow, that’s just how his face looks. Still, it’s mine! Give it back!”

“If you care about a clothing item, you shouldn’t leave it lying around in other people’s homes.” 

So saying, Sephiroth pulled the t-shirt off over his head, and held it out to Reno.

“What the—you can’t just—naked!” Reno sputtered, pointing the lollipop at him. “Rude! Your boyfriend is stripping in the living room!”

“Busy, take pictures,” Rude’s patently unconcerned voice called back, from the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Sephiroth had snatched the shirt away, just as Reno reached for it, and was now holding it high above his head, while the much smaller man tried in vain to jump up and grab it.

“Why am I not surprised to find you two half-clothed and fighting, like a couple of children,” Tseng sighed, as he stepped in the front door, followed closely by Elena. 

“Leave it to me, sir! I’ll defuse the situation!” Elena declared, reaching for her sidearm.

Tseng held up a hand to stop her. “When has your interference ever defused a situation? And I told you on the way here, no guns in the house.”

“R—right, sir. Sorry, sir,” Elena said sheepishly, withdrawing her hand from the concealed holster. 

“Welcome, Tseng and…colleague,” said Sephiroth, who had his hand on Reno’s head and was still keeping the t-shirt away from him. “Please, make yourselves at home. Dinner is almost ready.”

“And colleague?” Elena pouted. “Do you even know my name?”

“How rude of me. Of course I do. You are…uh…Cissnei?”

“No, I’m—” She broke off and her shoulders slumped dejectedly, as Reno nearly expired laughing. “Ugh, forget it. Enjoy your dinner, everyone. I’ll just wait in the car.” 

“Alright, that’s enough,” Tseng announced, in that calm, paternal tone, that made people instinctively want to obey him. “Reno, shut up. Elena, sit down. Sephiroth, give Reno his shirt and go put one on. Now.”

Looking like chastised school children, Reno stifled his laughter, Elena went and sat down on the sofa, and Sephiroth relinquished the shirt before vanishing upstairs. 

“Hey, at least wash it first! I don’t want your stink all over it!” Reno shouted after him. Then he sniffed the shirt and his expression changed. “What the fuck, this is what you smell like?! What is that, cedar and sagebrush? And…rain? Elena, smell this!”

“Gross, I’m not sniffing some guy’s—oh, holy shit that smells amazing! He should bottle this and sell it!”

“Keep that thing away from me,” Tseng warned, as Reno brandished the rumpled t-shirt and advanced upon him. “I already know how wonderful Sephiroth smells, I don’t need a cat-hair covered reminder.”

“Oh, there is cat hair all over it. Damn it, it got on my suit.”

At that moment, Rude stepped out of the kitchen, wiping his hands with a towel. “Dinner. If you’re all finished sniffing my boyfriend’s dirty clothes, that is.”

“If I could just—one more. Yes, all done,” Elena said, letting go of the t-shirt, which Reno was forcefully tugging away from her. 

“The food smells great, too, partner!” Reno grinned, which expression collapsed back into a scowl, as Sephiroth reappeared, wearing the exact same t-shirt as before, only several sizes larger. “If you had Rude’s the whole time, why were you wearing mine?!”

“I just found it, now. You whine a lot, for an adult man. Are you certain you’re not a teenaged girl?”

“Wow,” said petite Elena, whose head wasn’t even level with the huge former SOLDIER’s spectacular pectorals. “I’ve never seen you with a shirt on, general. You look really nice.”

Sephiroth smiled. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you, Cissnei.” 

“I’m not—ugh, whatever. You’re welcome. Let’s eat.”

[kittynannygaming]

In my area of the US it's a common thing for a comfort meal especially for children is grilled cheese/cheese toastys and tomatoe soup. Is it similar where you live or is there not really a country wide (I think) idea of a comfort food for kids? If there is do you like to eat it?

I actually like grilled cheese and tomatoe soup, I like dipping my sandwich in the soup like it's an edible spoon.

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

I'm from France and was raised by my maternal grand-parents.

In case of sickness, I had either:

1- "la soupe de petites pâtes" (beef broth, angel hair pasta and maybe an egg (not mandatory)

2- "la soupe de légumes maison" (mostly potatoes and carrots with turnip, leek, 1 onion, pumpkin or squash)

I don't know if there is a common comfort meal for children but that were mine. (We often joke though every time I made purée & ham, it's hospital food 😂)

My grandmother (she was Spanish) was an excellent cook and the dishes I loved the most were: tortilla de papas y cebolla, paella, couscous. I miss her 😢 but I try to cook her dishes from time to time.

(Pictures are not mine, it's just to show what it looks like)

I love grilled cheese but I'm not so fond of tomato soup. I'm not very fond of tomatoes except for pizza and sauce and such. I could have a croque-monsieur instead of the soup, grilled-cheese and extra in one meal! 😋

[stevishabitat]

Was on Pinterest (I know, I do sometimes cheat on Tumblr with the Pretty Plagiarism Hellsite, I'm not proud of it)

Anyway, I saw this and just about threw my phone...

(I didn't throw my phone because I have to use it to sign into the work VPN so I can keep my job)

But I literally saw red for a brief second.

My fridge, freezer, and pantry currently consist of about 20 eggs, half a loaf of bread (gift from my mother), several servings of cooked black beans, some cooked white rice, a bag of frozen peas, about five frozen chicken nuggets, a pound of dry white rice, a small jar of dried lentils, a small jar of split peas, a slightly larger jar of pinto beans, two packets of minute rice, two packets of ramen (another gift from my mother at kiddo's request), several cans of spaghettios, several cans of tomato paste, two tins of tuna, a few packets of instant oatmeal, a tin of hopefully not stale steel cut oats, and some bisquick for pancakes & waffles.

I do have a little less than a pound of flour, and things like sugar, baking soda, baking powder, some spices, some condiment packets, vinegar, and some boullion. Oh, and some coconut oil that's been in the freezer for awhile, meant for making hand cream, but isn't rancid so it's getting used for coating the electric skillet and waffle maker once we'd run out of olive oil and butter.

This is what we'll be cooking with until the next pay day/grocery day in two weeks.

So, I'm not quite at the level of food insecure, but I'm pretty damn broke.

And the pictures on that pin are just nothing like what we're able to eat. Ever. For at least the last 10 years. I don't even remember the last time I was able to buy meat on a regular basis.

Canned chili with meat instead of beans and chicken nuggets are like Special Occasion foods for kiddo and I rarely have any (because I can easily sub beans, kiddo has sensory issues with most beans).

I might get myself a single chicken pot pie from time to time, especially in the winter. But I can't afford to buy like cuts of chicken to make my own. It's too much money to spend at once on just one thing. My $35 grocery shops twice a month have to cover a LOT.

Plus when we moved in (2021), the stove/oven was broken, so we had a scrapper haul it away for the recycling value. So we've been using a toaster oven and small electric skillet since then.

I had a little remorse at my knee-jerk reaction to the cover photo, so I clicked into the blog to see what the actual list was like. Title of the blog is Boss Single Mama, so maybe she knows what she's talking about. Maybe she's been there for real.

Nope. Chicken, beef, ham, almost every dish has meat. Cheeses and other dairy, a variety of vegetables, all things that we get very sparingly and use in small amounts on many meals, not as a main ingredient.

And even thinking back to my childhood it wasn't much different. We shopped at Aldi before it was cool and their selection was far more limited. Most of our meals were rice or pasta based, with meat only appearing as ground beef, tuna, and sometimes bologna.

Hot dogs were a special treat and even those weren't used on a bun. They were cut up in a pasta salad or casserole. Sometimes if we had a few leftover we would eat them the next day fried in a pan and wrapped in bread or a tortilla and that was a good day! We bought the cheap cheese in blocks and had to grate it because Aldi didn't even carry shredded cheese back then.

This is the kind of thing that makes me feel like when most people talk about being broke, or living frugally, or thrifty, or struggle meals, or whatever the trendy phrase is... They're talking about something vastly different than my daily life.

And it just makes me feel crappier about how I'm raising my kiddo, and it seems like there's so few resources to help people who are actually struggling. Whose lives don't look like a Boss Single Mama blog.

Anyway, if you ever feel the same way, you aren't alone. I raise my bowl of bean & tomato sauce rice to you! We are survivors, in spite of it all.

[queenofquestions]

Off Menu Tag

So the brilliant @the-eclectic-wonderer tagged me in this game and I'm just going to apologize to @valentinaonthemoon right now because I'm going to 100% misinterpret the point of this game.

The thing is, I got this this morning and I was thinking about my favorite foods and they just don't go together at all! Like my favorite dish is probably a Thai yellow curry but my favorite drink is definitely a root beer float and so on. But together, like yuck! So I was really really stuck.

But then I remembered this is a genie and they have magic and I actually do have a list of foods I desperately want to eat and will never ever get the change to have. So without further ado...

You're in your dream restaurant and a genie waiter is ready to take your meal order:

Where does my dream meal take place: late Cretaceous North America, about 66 mya on the day the asteroid kills the dinosaurs. Because I'd get to see dinosaurs and then I'd get to see a brilliant falling star and then an explosion and then the sky would look like it had caught on fire due to all the debris shot up into the atmosphere and burning up.

Still or sparkling water: still. I don't really get the whole sparkling water thing tbh.

Poppadoms or Bread: if these are my only choices probably bread especially if I can have it with jam. But if I can choose anything of this type, chips and salsa and guac because I just got back home from France and I have been craving it so much.

Dream Starter: This is where I'm going to go off the deep end and say a like Spanish tortilla style omelet made out of elephant bird eggs because I really want to know what those taste like. They're so big!!!

Dream Main Course: easy. Velociraptor meat. I want to settle one of the most pressing paleontology questions of all time: did dinosaurs taste like chicken?

Dream Side Dish: Follow me on a detour out of bird/dinosaur land and into the world of archaeology. I desperately want to try some plant dishes from the Eastern Agricultural Complex. There's archaeological evidence that the people in the American Midwest had domesticated plants like sunflower, marsh elder, squash and goosefoot (a chenopod like quinoa) before the arrival of maize from Central America. The domesticated versions of these plants are completely lost and I'm desperate to try a dish made out of them.

Dream Drink: I have no idea. Mammoth milk?

Dream Dessert: Now, because I'm pretty sure none of the stuff on my list actually tastes very good I'm going to go ahead and choose something actually tasty to help get the taste of dead dinosaur out of my mouth. My favorite dessert is lemonade cake. It's a confetti cake that has been soaked in condensed lemonade. It's sickeningly sweet, super sour, and topped with an incredibly large amount of whipped cream :)

Tagging, absolutely no pressure: I'm thinking @herbirdglitter cause you always like the archaeology stuff and @val-bespoke because you know I love talking to you about foods which foods we can't possibly believe the other person hasn't tried

[cleromancy]

dick qnr tim can both follow simple recipes, and dick has a set of staple meals he can mix and match with--stir fry, egg scrambles and omelettes, rice n beans, that sort of thing. its not a priority but hes mostly capable and not a total disaster in the kitchen unless either he's got a lot going on or he's trying to impress someone. tim only cooks rarely because its not a priority for him if he has no one to cook *for,* and if dana or janet was still alive tim would 100% be the kid who calls just to be like "help 🥺 how do you 'fold in' ingredients and does it matter if you actually mix dry ingredients first" (literally neither of them would know, but they'd love that they heard from him. like he would have to ask alfred anyway and alfred is pretty much always of the opinion that you should do something the ~right~ way and not wanting to do the dishes is no excuse)

jason makes comfort food more than anything else--cheap, filling, probably a lot of cheese or butter or both but also good sources of protein and veggies and all. if Jason's making anything more fiddly or difficult than the best frittata you've ever had in your life, your jason is stressed 😤😤 that is not behavior of happy relaxed jasons 😤😤

cass, no, just no. cass's favorite recipes are shredded cheese from the bag or like four plain tortillas. she sometimes will eat frozen leftover lasagna still frozen, like ice cream. given the proper motivation she *could* follow instructions--you'd have to describe what you meant by various kitchen implements and she would definitely get frustrated at points (shes the type of perfectionist that usually HATES things that don't come naturally to her, and so much of cooking instruction is either vocabulary she wouldn't know or "use your instinct" but by instinct they mean experience), but shes nothing if not determined and task-focused when sufficiently motivated, its just that you'd have to try REALLY hard to finagle a scenario that would motivate her enough in this particular area

damimi when hes still pretty young has no interest in cooking but when he gets older his particular brand of perfectionism means hes going to do shit like. lose control of his life and spend like two days straight making incredibly elaborate fancy dumplings that do turn out incredible and impressive which, like, he was definitely trying to impress whoever they were for so they had to be perfect and if the weren't no one would ever know bc he would throw them all away. solid chance he lets whoever he's trying to impress think he just got them catered instead of making them himself bc he got scared at the last minute theyd correctly realize he was Trying Too Hard. but they do turn out incredible.

also as a bonus- Barbara likes both cooking and baking and redid her kitchen to be wheelchair accessible. baking is the thing she does in between tasks that have downtime bc she finds it very satisfying to get all the timing to match up. scheduling go brrrrrr. she's got the broadest mental repertoire of recipes bc unlike say dick or tim she is *not* the type of person that is satisfied only eating the same 3 or 4 meals most of the time, she needs variety and enjoys trying new things

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Hi hey hello Aly please can you rank the new directions according to how well they would do at preparing a holiday meal? I'm thinking like cooking a turkey or ham or something, all the different sides, dessert, etc etc.

HI BELLA MY BELOVED YES OFC I CAN DO THAT!!!! I'm only going to do like. OG New Directions, so like the mains from s1-2 lol

Coming in dead last at #13, we have: Rachel Berry! Girl can't cook. There is canonical evidence to support this from the season four thanksgiving episodes so I rest my case.

Next up, Finn Hudson at #12! Truthfully i think he would just be so overwhelmed by all of it and fall apart. I DO think he would make a FANTASTIC assistant though

Next, at #11: Mercedes Jones: I think she can probably follow a recipe better than Rachel, but she is a doordash girlie just like me fr i know this to be true in MY SOUL. Miss "What is this?" "Toilet brush." does not know how to make things from scratch but i fully support her love for tater tots <3

The #10 slot goes to Brittany S. Pierce! It's not that I think she can't cook. I think she would cook some of the most OUTRAGEOUS things really really well. I'm talking the shepherd's pie trifle thing from Friends except ON PURPOSE. The most heinous shit and she would genuinely like it but it's objectively terrible

First one to reach single digits at the #9 slot, we've got Puck. Lost a few spots bc he'd probably put weed in the desserts without telling anyone

#8 goes to Michael Chang! I just feel like he can follow instructions. Might not be perfect, but edible and not spiked with any illegal substances.

Up with the #7 spot is Artie Abrams! Being someone who is wheelchair bound, I feel like he prides himself on being self sufficient and learning basic cooking skills is something he'd take the time to learn. I don't think it would be gourmet or anything, but i do think it would give tasty comfort food

Coming in at #6 I put, and this might be controversial, Santana Lopez! Listen. One thing about mexicans is that we know how to cook. Something just happens and i truly believe it's in out genes but one day you just sort of wake up and realize that you don't burn your hand flipping tortillas on the grill, and i feel like those skills would translate really well to a christmas/thanksgiving dinner--especially all the traditional mexican holiday dishes? i think she'd secretly take a lot of comfort in making those for her found family

Breaching the top 5 at #5 is Tina Cohen-Chang! I feel like she's done it a couple of times with her own family and probably helped out in the kitchen growing up, just to be helpful. Generally, she seems pretty competent too so there's that

#4 goes to my beloved Sam Evans. My man practically had to raise his siblings, there is not a doubt in my mind that he already HAS made a whole ass holiday meal with what he could and it probably came out fucking delicious too! It Just Makes Sense!!

Alright up in the #3 slot is yet another one of my faves, the puppetmaster himself, Blaine Devon Anderson! Cooking pancakes for his fiance in the morning?? HIs love language is acts of service and you just know he'd love all the compliments and then brush them off like "Oh it really was nothing" but this man THRIIIIIIIVES on the love of his peers!!! Of course he's gonna cook for them!

Our runner up, taking her place firmly at the #2 slot is the Queen of McKinley, the one, the only Quinn Fabray! This one also Just Makes Sense. She was primed from a young age to basically be a trophy wife. Which. Hate that for her but I wouldn't doubt her mom had her prepping the sides at like, age ten. Her parents def would trot her skills out like a trick pony and show off how well she can "provide" for a future husband or some shit like that. Anyway, i like to think she uses these skills to make holiday dinners for those who don't have anywhere else to go <3

AND TAKING OUR TOP SPOT HERE IS LITERALLY THE MOST CHARACTER EVER: Kurt Hummel!!!!! This is literally canon. You can disagree with me on this, but you'd be wrong, His body is LITERALLY a rum chocolate souffle--if he doesn't warm it up, it doesn't rise. He makes tar-tar for housewarming parties for his future stepbrother. He planned a whole ass wedding. He realy can do it all I'm so obsessed with his little freak ass <333

THANKS SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS!!!! I put... way too much thought into it, but i had SUCH a blast!!! <3333

they evicted my teeth. pls send me asks while i recover <3

[ddarker-dreams]

Awwwww you cooked lunch for your family that’s so sweet!! I’m tryna teach myself how to cook, and they’re sooooo many dishes I wanna try that I’m so excited for :D I kinda lack motivation and energy from other things unfortunately but I’m working on it, I will say tho, thinking of it as working on my wife material abilities helps a LOT.

I feel like this ask is kinda strange so far so I apologize, but I was wondering what your favourite dish to make or eat would be? It’s not cooking but for me, i LOVE making macarons (not much of a cook but I do bake:D)

i am the family chef™ 😌 i love cooking!!! i actually only got into it around three ish years ago, so i get what you mean hjtkmger the sheer magnitude of possibilities is overwhelming at first. NGL i think baking is harder so i have nothing but the utmost respect for you and anyone who bakes 😭 i can do it... it's just so much work. i get flour everywhere. i even got eggs on my socks once (i don't even know how). there's so much shame to be felt when wiping egg off your sock. i can't put the humiliation into words. i bake cakes as a gift on birthdays exclusively and that's it. my short-lived baking phase has formally Concluded.

macaroons are especially difficult good god. i thought about making them once . watched a youtube video showing how it's done. i then immediately stopped thinking about making them.

omg my favorite dish... i have a couple i'll share!! my ultimate, uncontested favorite is this mac and cheese though. it's divine. utter perfection. ambrosia from the gods. the recipe comes from everyplate, but they don't give measurements, so i'll go ahead and fill those in. you'll need a pan (or two) that can withstand being broiled in the oven for around a minute. this is gonna get lengthy so i'll put it beneath the cut htjgkrm

the measurements for the ingredients are as follows (this is enough to feed around four people):

one bunch of scallions

one long green pepper (i've used cubanelle pepper too)

two cloves of garlic

one cup of milk

one cup of shredded pepper jack cheese

one cup of shredded cheddar cheese

as for the panko and frank's seasoning blend mixture, i normally eyeball it so i don't actually know the measurements for it ... i guess it depends on how spicy you want it?

this breakfast square recipe is another one of my favorites, it reheats surprisingly well too!! i always make it before vacation and everyone just warms it up for breakfast for the days that follow. it's so yummy. i add a dash of italian seasoning to the hashbrown layer to give it more flavor. godspeed 🙏

finally, another big favorite of mine is beef fajitas. this consists of:

london broil (this cut of meat almost always seems to be on sale so that's nice)

beef consommé

two garlic cloves

two bell peppers

one yellow onion

two or three avocados

one lime

spanish rice

tortillas

salt/pepper/southwest seasoning/paprika

for the london broil: set oven to 250 fahrenheit. put the london broil in a deep dish baker, lightly salt and pepper, then add beef consommé until it almost (but not quite) submerges the meat. toss in garlic cloves (i use a garlic press so it distributes evenly across the meat). bake for around two and a half to three hours until tender.

sautéed veggies: slice or dice bell peppers/yellow onion depending on your preference. heat a pan with olive oil on medium heat. add veggies. add salt/pepper/southwest seasoning to veggies. cook until onions are translucent + bell peppers are slightly browned.

i just used boxed spanish rice and they have instructions on the back!! it's pretty simple but takes around 30-40 minutes to cook.

guacamole: cut into avocado, remove the core. i use a spoon to scoop out the insides and toss them into a bowl. sprinkle with lime juice. add salt, pepper, paprika. i like adding a dash of balsamic vinegar. mash and stir it up to desired consistency.

when everything is prepared, slap it onto your tortilla and behold the tastiest combination one could ever stumble across. it's so good. i almost want to cry just thinking about it.

[salvadorbonaparte]

7

All the food recommendations pls xoxo

Hiiiiii

7. Favorite food from the country that speaks your target language

Spanish: I mostly only have experience with food from Iberia and then especially from the Catalan Countries and Galicia. There are the popular classics like paella and tortilla (with onion) that are popular for a reason (delicious). I also can't get enough of pementos de padrón and polbo á feira. Manzanilla olives are my favourite type of olives and we always try to have some at home. When it comes to sweets there's obviously crema catalana, turrón (both duro and blando) and tarta de Santiago. I could probably go on but now I'm getting hungry and "home"sick.

Portuguese: I really wanted to go to a Brazilian restaurant in Cork but didn't have the time so I can just talk about Portugal. Pastel de nata is like the dessert of all time. I also really loved the Francesinha I had even though ngl they don't look very nice. In Porto we also had something similar to polbo á feira but I don't know what it's called there but like the seafood in general is just amazing. On Madeira you can get bolo do caco and fish dishes with espada which is some deep sea fish they often serve with passion fruit or banana.

Romanian: I didn't actually get to eat any Romanian food so these are just things I want to try. Sarmale, ciorba rădăuțeană, mămăligă.

Yiddish: One of my friends recently made hamentaschen for Purim and matzah brittle for Passover. Shout out to the classic bagel with lox I guess too.

Bonus stuff I tried recently and loved despite not being target languages: Korean tteokbokki, Japanese katsu curry and some tofu dish I forgot the name of, Belgian cherry beer, American lobster rolls.

[theincognitofermenter]

Another human soul has never seen this post... Until maybe you.

A list of fav kombucha flavors...

A history of fermentation...

Making your first ferment...

Kimchi dinner menu...

What the heck is kefir water...

Bacteria and it's place in the kitchen...

Have you ever doubted yourself? Wondered where to begin and start? You'd hardly be human if you haven't.

The year 2014 I had the idea to start a food blog but lack of organization towards this idea and perfectionism in my cooking halted any attempts.

Rather than start with a grammatically correct intro about who I am, how I came to fermenting fucking everything and why I am writing this blog, my FIRST post shall be comprised with one of the most unappealing pictures of salsa you'll ever see. What you have to know though is that within this picture lays a substance that in a mere 4 days, my life partner and I demolished over two quarts. With chips, tortillas, salads, with a spoon, on eggs... You get the point. It's fucking good. Fizzy pineapple with cilantro and killer good tomatoes picked as fresh as they come.

The picture? Oh, yes. Here it is. Cause if I wait till I have a picture perfect studio kitchen with a big camera, ring lighting, diffusers and custom made dishes, then it just ain't gonna happen. There will be more pictures. Pleasing ones. But if we get a good start off with each other over this one, then I'll know we were meant to be blog buddies.

Now, this isn't a recipe. The last thing I want to do is give you a list of foods to buy and rules to blindly follow.

I want you to be confident. Courageous. Your own chef. One that blends flavors, textures and takes note of what your senses tell you till your satisfied with the ingredients and means you have right now.

I'm trusting you on this. It isn't a fretted over combination with dozens of revisions. It's a list of ingredients and the process I used to utilize as many tomatoes from our summer garden as I could.

Fermented Yellow Salsa

Time frame ~ 2 days

Active time:

10 minutes if you're an undistracted cook.

40 minutes if you have a little one crawling around your feet.

Makes 2 quarts

Ingredients

1 large heirloom tomato

1 cup white currant tomatoes

2 banana peppers de-stemmed

1 can of pineapple drained (save juice for kefir water)

2 bunches of cilantro

Salt to taste (at least 1T. for the ferment)

Process

Blend all ingredients but cilantro in blender till somewhat blended but stop short of pureed so you don't just have tomato liquid.

Add rough cut cilantro and blend again briefly till mixed.

I fermented in a half gallon jar for 2 days at 78-84°F till bubbly.

I hiked up the hill and held my hand high in the air with the summer sun beating down until I saw the promising bar of LTE. So, if you're reading this send me a message, post a comment, hug a tree, SOMETHING so I know you're out there.

Till next time, ferment like life depends on it.

-The Incognito Fermenter